


The Starks - A Family Saga

by Mycroftlocked



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Steve Rogers, College, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gay Bucky Barnes, High School, Idiots in Love, Like really slow, M/M, Major Illness, Marriage Proposal, Parenthood, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Slow Burn, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 157
Words: 731,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23204629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycroftlocked/pseuds/Mycroftlocked
Summary: Imagine the Avengers, all of their allies and some villains in a world without super powers, alien invasions or interfering politics. Being people like you and me, not at all ordinary but each of them endowed with the personality and strength which would make them superheroes. Sometimes it looks one has to have super powers to get through struggles like high school, puberty, first love or marriage and parenthood...This is the spread-over-many years story about a group of remarkable people, gathered together through blood, friendship or love... Will everyone have what they've ever wished for in the end? Who knows? Everyone is the architect of their own future and some people are ready to stand up to fate's nasty pranks and fight for what they want and what they know is right. This story is about people like that...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Jane Foster/Thor, Loki/Original Male Character, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 548
Kudos: 126





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my lovely little one who inspired me in the queue waiting to meet Captain America!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+lovely+little+one+who+inspired+me+in+the+queue+waiting+to+meet+Captain+America%21).
  * A translation of [Die Starks - Eine Familen-Saga](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23108653) by [Mycroftlocked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycroftlocked/pseuds/Mycroftlocked). 



> Story Cover at the end.
> 
> This started as a joke in the Queue waiting to meet Captain America at Disneyland Paris. My daughter and me developed this idea about Tony and Pepper being the parents of a bunch of great boys: Steve, Thor and Loki and the baby of course: Peter, much younger than the teenagers. The couple are friends with great people: Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner, James Rhodes... Their kids have lovely friends, too, of course: Bucky (obviously), Sam, Sharon, Peter Quill, T'Challa, Shuri...
> 
> The main plot is a love story, Bucky and Steve. And it is a saga... the story is spreading over years!
> 
> But there are lots of side stories as well. I'm planning on regular updates because I have lots of chapters in the waiting and only have to translate them. Which is hard work, I give in. But I guess, I'll manage...
> 
> Don't be harsh on me, I'll try my best - a little help is always appreciated, esp. when it comes to idioms - I'm crap about them in English...
> 
> Tags and characters will be added in the process.
> 
> So... Go on and (hopefully) enjoy!

**Prologue**

The summer holidays were drawing to a close. Steve, who recently turned 14, was about to start his first year in high school and was scared. Bucky had been visiting Sanctuary High for a year and tried to encourage him:

"Stevie, everything is not as bad as all of that. The other kids are just as nervous as you are and everything will be smooth. We can sit together during breaks and if someone's putting you under stress, I'm gonna make them shut their mouth!” Steve gave his friend a side glance.

They had cycled out of the city, with backpacks full of snacks and soft drinks, lying in a meadow in Oak Ridge Park, half-empty coke bottles and half-eaten sandwiches around them. Bucky, who was already 15, was pretty confident and was often called out because of his long hair, but always found the right subtly hurtful words to keep his attackers in check. Physically, he would not be able to win an argument, narrow-shouldered and almost petite as he was. His skinny arms protruded from his shirt like sticks and his long, thin legs were reminiscent of salt sticks. Bucky played football, the English version, not the one with the broad shoulders and square heads, but was otherwise not very sporty. In addition, unlike Steve, he did not allow himself to be provoked.

"Oh ..." Steve said dismissively, "you won't have to fight for me." "I don't _have to_ , but I would," he turned his head to Steve, the light blue-gray eyes full of honest promise and that mouth with full, curved lips was set.

Steve giggled, "What? Playing the hero?" "Sure! Wouldn't be the first time.” Steve threw a crumpled sandwich paper at his head. "You idiot've been incredibly lucky Coach McInnery's come around the corner when you messed with Tim Hilton. He's twice your size and would have punched you into a pulp." "I haven't liked what he's said to you."

The middle-school football team's quarterback had called Steve a flippant billionaire boy when he complained about a bump inf the hallway to the classmate who was built like a tank.

"You're gonna be pretty busy when I'm with you in high school," Steve replied dryly. He was very controversial and always spoke his opinion on everything quickly. "Well, that's probably my fate, Stevie." "Don't call me that," Steve growled, but without much emphasis.

*

His first week in high school had kept Steve busy. After three days of introduction, their teachers got serious and the level of performance rose to dizzying heights.

"Why haven't you warned me?" Steve groaned during the free hours in the library. "Warned about what?“, Bucky asked absentmindedly while scribbling long mathematical formulas on his pad and Steve was brooding over a social science discussion. "Briefly describe the events leading to the fall in the oil price in April and formulate a statement and a conclusion. Article length; at least 2000 words. 2000 words!" "Warned about what?“

Steve looked up, Bucky had stopped, looking at him in confusion, "about the oil price drop?" "about _high school_!" "Oh, _that_. There's a lot going on here, it's an elite school. I thought you've known. Welcome to Sanctuary High." "Jerk." Steve looked grim. "Come on, Steve, you can do it. You've always written good essays.” “What are you working on?” “Exponential functions,” Bucky muttered, lost again in his cryptic characters and numbers. Steve swallowed and grumbled: "I think I never want to go to Sophomore." "In maths I can help you. But you have to write your essay yourself. I have something like that do to later, too. We gonna do something after school?" "You mean apart from homework and studying?" "Steve ... listen, I've made it to Sophomore with still seeing you almost every day. Don't worry so much!” “Easily said, if you… ”, he fell silent.

Bucky always had good grades, and that without studying much. Steve hadn't had any trouble in middle school, but those days were probably gone. Now he would have to do a lot more.

"If what?" Bucky wanted to know. "Being as smart as you are." Bucky went slightly pink with joy, scrunching his nose modestly. "Boys!", the supervisor called, "you're talking too much! You are here to be working."

Both sighed turning back to their tasks. After school, they took the subway to Brooklyn and visited Coney Island Beach doing a lap around the amusement park. They rode the Cyclone three times and had hot dogs, getting down on the beach with soft ice cream in their hands. The beautiful days would soon give way to autumnal New York grubby weather, so they enjoyed one of the last opportunities to look out at the sea with their feet in the water.

"How's your mom doing?" Bucky asked.

Steve's mother, Virginia 'Pepper' Potts, had found - ten years after the birth of her third child - she was pregnant again at the age of 42. She was scared. Her and Steve's father, Anthony 'Tony' Stark, ran a global company. Stark Industries was the global leader in consumer electronics and communications, and Steve's family, consisting of him, his parents, his brothers Thor and Loki, and the baby expected in November were billionaires. His father was also a genius. One at Newton and da Vinci level. The Stark Seniors quickly decided to accept the surprise gift. The only thing they had been afraid of was teaching their sons the news.

The three boys had reacted to the message differently. Thor alone had been happy: The more Starks, the better, he thought. Steve had been a little worried about his mother's health. She was often getting exhausted from work and how she was supposed to handle her job, family management and stress with a baby was making Steve worry to an extant.

The youngest Stark had been horrified. Loki, 10, was a serious, self-conscious boy, endowed with an intellect comparable to his father's, but without his self-confidence and charming optimism. He was horrendously embarrassed. The open expression of _this_ part of his parents' relationship, which he always had closed his eyes at ... It disgusted him severely when thinking about it.

"Oh, you know her. She's bursting with energy. Mom must be the reincarnation of Ivan the Terrible. But I've notice she's sometimes all tired. But Dad, who never misses anything, is looking after her, pays a lot attention to her. She is fine. And she is very happy. They are both very happy!" "And you?" "Yeah, yes ... But we'll have a nanny again." He rolled his eyes, "but that's probably inevitable." "Sure about that."

The brothers had had a number of nannies for years. Their mother was getting two master's degrees in distance learning while she was a stay-at-home parent. When Loki turned two, she conquered Stark Industries' top floor.

"I would be happy if my mom had another baby.", Bucky said thoughtfully. His mother was only 33 years old and Bucky was an only child. He hated it. He enjoyed the boiling family life of the Starks, where he had been going in and out for years, much better! Anyway, all of the Starks were awesome! Steve, of course, who was his best (and only, to be honest) friend, that was obvious. But everyone else, too! They were billionaires, but they were humble, down-to-earth people. Mr and Mrs Stark worked a lot and had no time for frills like country clubs or trips to St Tropez. They dressed exquisitely, but not pretentiously, and their sons were wearing what everyone else their age was. Well, not entirely.

Steve had a strange taste and dressed like a geography teacher and Loki only wore shirts and pants in muted colors. But their clothes came from the same shops where their classmates also shopped. They lived in a spacious, beautiful house, but had got no host of servants and no golden taps.

Bucky liked them all so much and all of them treated him as if he were one of them.

"Really? Do you think your parents would want another baby?” Bucky snorted. "They didn't want _me_ in the first place …" Steve friendly bumped his right shoulder against his left. "Your parents don't even know what they've got in you. I'm sorry, Buck, really. But if its soothing you: _I_ know. And I want you. I mean, not to miss you in my life, that's what I want.” Bucky grew warm with joy and he felt his cheeks blushing violently. He jumped up quickly. "Come on, we're taking a ride on the _Soarin' Eagle_ now."

The modern roller coaster with a spiral ride up and a height of 132 meters on Coney Island was scary and neither of them had dared this adventure before. "We've been on the Cyclone three times," Steve replied. "Pff, that's a roller coaster for children! Are you afraid, Stevie?” Steve looked angry, also jumping to his feet. "T'is what you would like to get. I can already hear your screeching, I could really do with some cotton wool for my ears, after all I'm next to you in ther." "We'll see who's screeching."

It was Bucky who screamed like someone was stabbing him. And not only that, waving blindly around, his eyes tightly closed, until he got a grab at something he could hold onto. It was Steve's plaid shirt losing two of its buttons in the action. Laughing, Steve helped his shaking friend out of his seat leading him away from his nemesis. Bucky's legs wobbled terribly. The long hair had mostly loosened from their knot hanging like a mop around his face, from the wild ride. Bucky was as pale as chalk.

Suddenly he looked at Steve seriously panicked, with huge eyes raising a hand to his mouth, he pressed it onto. Steve understood looking around quickly, shoved his friend to a garbage can and Bucky choked, throwing up a hot dog, a large helping of soft ice cream and half a bag of roasted almonds. Steve held his hair with one hand while comfortingly stroking his back with the other one. Bucky, deeply embarrassed, disappeared into a washroom and Steve got chewing gum for him. He was also kind enough not to say a word about it. Bucky loved that.

Half an hour later, at the subway station which separated their way home, they said 'bye' to each other. Bucky was in bed much later in the evening, still thinking about how much he felt Steve not teasing him was so _nice_. He sighed, rolled on his stomach, hugging his pillow, and fell asleep with a happy smile. The next morning his pajama pants were wet …

*

Steve hadn't seen much of Bucky in just over two weeks. But he had _heard_ a lot about him. Everyone was talking about his best friend: he had a girlfriend! The most popular girl of the entire Sophomore grade: Charlene 'Charlie' Blackmoore. Charlie was _cool_. With short, wildly styled, punk-dyed hair, she was wearing stuff that looked like they were from the used clothing collection, but which came from well-known designers of the punk wave scene. She was the bassist of the school band and president of the robotics club. Charlie was loud, cocky, aggressive and a brilliant student. She was not the typical popular high school girl, with her thin body similar to that of her new boyfriend, she hardly had any tits worth mentioning, for example, but she had a very pretty, impish face. Steve was happy for Bucky.

Everything everyone thought of his best friend as nerdy and weird - his not trendy too-long hair, his dressing style, his unusual interests and hobbies - had a completely different effect with her: mysterious, seductive and impressive. And Charlie had asked Bucky out, asked if he wanted to be dating - just like that! This had detonated like a bomb in school. Steve wasn't surprised in the least, of course. Bucky was the greatest guy in the world! Funny, full of good ideas and very smart! With him it was never boring. What more could a girl ask for?

The fact he was floating on clouds with his conquest was very understandable for Steve, so he took the radio silence, although it hurt, not too bad or even personal. When Bucky texted him out of the blue one evening, " _Charlie's broken up_ ," he was genuinely sad for him. " _Oh no! What's happened?_ " " _I think she's noticed how weird I am._ " " _And I've thought that was the point! That she liked you for that very reason, I mean._ " " _Probably_ too _weird, even for Charlie._ " " _Oh, Buck, I'm sorry, really! Can I do anything?_ ” Bucky did not text what came to his mind first, but: “ _Thank you, but I can handle it. Life's going on._ ” Steve only sent a sad emoticon and a thumbs up as an answer.

*

" _Do you have time to spare? I need to see you!_ "

Steve started. It was half past eight on a Tuesday. It took 45 minutes from door to door by bike. „ _Now?_ “ " _Not now. In three months, two weeks, five days and 14.7 hours. Of course now!_ " _"I'm getting me an Uber.“_

Bucky opened the door twenty minutes later when Steve's Uber stopped in front of the driveway to the Barnes' house. Before he even got out, Bucky was in front of him. "Let's take some steps." "Bucky, what's the ...?"

" _James!_ " George Barnes was in the door. "I'm only going out a little bit, Dad!" „Tomorrow's a school day. Be back at ten.” “Yes, Dad.” Bucky grabbed Steve above his elbow steering him down the street towards the playground. "Bucky! What ...?" "Ssht. Wait."

The playground was fenced and the gate closed at late hours. Bucky started to climb over. "Uh, we can't go in there." "The fence is supposed to keep dogs and cats from pooping in there. I don't have to. Neither do you, don't you?”, Bucky laughed. Steve rolled his eyes. "I still don't think we're supposed to hang out there at night." "You only have to do what you're supposed to, Stevie?" the older one teased, swinging a long, thin leg over the gate. "Bucky! What if the playground is under video surveillance?“ „Oh, crap! I haven't even thought about that.“, Bucky landed on the other side of the gate. "Is my hairstyle on point?" Steve had to laugh.

Bucky's hair, too long, was tied in a messy bun at the nape of his neck, a few strands loosened from it hanging around his face. Steve sighed while climbing over the gate. He looked very guilty.

His friend had looked around and when Steve landed next to him, he quickly dragged him to a playhouse on stilts, to which some kind of chicken ladder was leading up. They scrambled up the steep stairs squeezing through the entrance. Inside they had to bend down, the ceiling was low. Bucky got down cross-legged and Steve did the same. It was tight and their knees touched. And it was dark, the distant street lights didn't get through the little door. Bucky was just fine with that.

"Bucky, what's going on?" He swallowed. "Dad is being transferred." There was a dragging on silence. Major Barnes was transferred every now and then, all over the world, mostly short enough to leave his wife and son in New York, but sometimes long enough to take his family with him. The last time that had happened, Bucky had lived with his parents in Japan for four months. Steve had missed his best friend sadly. Steve gathered courage asking calmly: "Where to?" "Hawaii." "Aloha." "Haha."

Steve knew Bucky wouldn't make such a fuss if this wasn't serious, so he put his hand on his knee, squeezed briefly and asked, "For how long?" Bucky sighed, "At least half a year. Rather nine months. Or ... “, he broke off. "Or?" Steve asked breathlessly. "Two years ..." Bucky whispered. " _Two years?_ " Steve shouted in disbelief. Both og them fell silent.

Then Steve took heart: "Buck! That would be - that's _terrible_!" "I know!" Bucky's voice sounded a little throaty, "I can't be apart from ... New York for two years." He had wanted to say 'from you', not daring at the last moment. How much Steve meant to him, how he was feeling about him, and how he wished they were more than just friends, Bucky had known for a while now. But Steve wasn't ... he wasn't interested in him in _that_ way, he knew for sure. Which meant he believed so and yet he was always hoping a little bit ... but no, Steve didn't want him that way.

"I understand," Steve said now. "Two years! That's _crazy_! You belong here! To ... You have to stay in New York, at our school!”, Steve had almost said 'to me', but at the last moment he thought it would sound too weird. Bucky sighed. "Unfortunately I have no choice. Mom is already looking forward to Hawaii.", He said sadly, "I will miss you." "Bucky, that's gonna be fine. Everything's going to be fine. You can do it and the months will pass by quickly, time will fly and after we will...”, Bucky interrupted him: "I'll be dead lonely! I'm sure I won't have any friends there and ..” Bucky's voice had slipped up an octave sounding like he was close to tears. "Hey!" Steve called, "you're an awesome perosn! Nice and smart and interesting and you _will_ have friends and …" "Nobody like you...", Bucky exclaimed. Steve fell silent.

"Steve! I don't want to get away from here!” Bucky was crying now, making Steve freeze. "S-steve ... you don't tell anyone I've cried, do you? And you won't forget me, will you? Promise to me!" Steve gasped: "Bucky! How could I! You are my very best friend and ... how can you only think so?" "I hate my life. I hate _everything!_ ” And with this outburst, Bucky threw himself forward against Steve wrapping his arms around him.

He was thunderstruck. His best friend had curled up into his lap sobbing into his shoulder like a small child. He awkwardly raised his arms putting one around Bucky and patted his head with the other one. "hush, Bucky ...Promise, I'm not gonna forget you. Everything will be fine ... “, he talked soothing nonsense. Bucky cried hard, held by Steve, pulling back embarrassed after some while he sniffed.

"Y-you've heard it. Do not tell anyone I've been blubbering. “, he sounded a bit defeated. "Never, Bucky! I swear.” Bucky raised his head. "What time is it?" Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket. "A little past ten." Bucky groaned. "Shit, I'm late, I have to go!" "Wait, one more thing!" Bucky was already on the steps leading down and stopped. "When, Bucky, _when_?" He replied somberly, "This weekend." Steve hung his head. _Oh God!_


	2. Peter's Birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one. I'll make up to it. Promise!
> 
> Bucky's on Hawaii as you all know, but Steve's keeping him up-to-date all the time.

# Book I - An Introduction

**Peter's birth**

They had been in this pesky hospital for eight hours now. _Eight hours_. Pepper took it - as always - with composure. Tony .... Tony was a wreck. His hairstyle was completely out of joint because he kept running all ten fingers through it. Pepper, on the other hand ... Her hairline showed a hint of sweat, her cheeks were slightly reddened, she looked really cute in the typical short hospital gown with the round, large bulge underneath. Tony smiled. For a short time.

The fetal monitor beeped, Pepper gritted her teeth, groaning under her breath, closed her beautiful blue eyes, squeezing Tony's fingers tightly together. He didn't let go, but he brought all his physical skills together to bend over to the doctor in charge (it looked a little contorted and very uncomfortable) coming out between gritted teeth:

“Listen, you quack. Have you ever sworn an oath or was it lost as part of the health care reform? My wife is in pain. Do something!” “Mr Stark, at birth there are forces which ...” “Tony ...", Pepper's soft voice immediately caught Tony's attention. "Tony, I'm getting along." A brave smile on her lips. Tony grimaced miserably.

"Speak for yourself darling, I'm not ..." "Tony, this is my fourth childbirth, which I might even have been able to handle on the phone. Everything will be fine.” Tony had to laugh. "Fourth delivery, then?" The doctor's brisk tone made Tony sit up getting the lingering undertone about one really shouldn't be acting like that as a father-to-be that experienced. Tony's eyebrows contracted dangerously.

"Mister ... _Docto_ r." There was a hint of sarcasm on the second word. The doctor immediately built himself up to his full size. "Mr Stark?" "Give her something that will help her right away!" "Mr Stark, at this stage it would slow down the process, you understand surel ..." Tony rolled his eyes. "I understand _every_ word and much more, I understand _everything_ , Doctor. _You_ do not understand. My wife is in pain and _I_ can't take it.” A piercing cry from the bed interrupted the argument. Tony was immediately at Pepper's side again reaching for her hand, she clutched his like a lifeline.

"Oh, Tony ...", she smiled through tears, "The baby's coming.” "Pep!", Tony put his other hand on her cheek. "Pep, darling, hold on, I'm with you." "Press, Mrs. Stark, press!" "I can see the head!" "Hold on!" Doctor, midwife and nurse shouted in unison. Tony was holding Pepper tightly from behind now and whispered, "I'm so proud of you and the happiest man in the world."

"It's a boy!"

A feeling of pure joy flowed through the new father. _A boy._ They had got already three of the sort. Tony had actually wished for a little girl ... He staggered to his feet looking at the little bundle in the doctor's hands.

He was beautiful. Tony reached out and got the little boy into his loving arms. He looked into his blinking eyes and whispered overjoyed, "Peter _._ " The answer was a piercing baby's cry. Tony had to cry, too.

_Peter._

*

_"Hey Buck, the baby is born! Happy is taking us all to the hospital right now! He only told us that it is a boy, again. Hope, his name is not Fidelius Querk or something similarly terrible! "_

_"Congratulations BIG BROTHER! Not everyone can be called Steven or James. Send me a picture!"_


	3. Meet Your Baby Brother, Boys!

**Meet your baby brother, boys!**

Peter was only three hours old when Happy took his brothers to the hospital. On the way they stopped at a flower shop. Loki was long dissatisfied with the arrangement of the bouquet for his mother. Thor groaned impatiently: "Loki, you're such a girl!" while Steve also impatiently shifted from one foot to the other. He was very excited about his new brother. Hopefully he was a little more like himself than Thor or Loki. Happy hadn't told them his name yet. Steve was a little worried. He already had enough brothers with crazy names.

Tony was lounging in the wicker chair next to Pepper's bed, holding Peter tightly against him, wrapped in a sky-blue blanket. Pepper beamed at her big boys.

"Steve, Thor, Loki! Look at your little brother!" Loki frowned: "You're a little pale, mother. Are you feeling well?” Pepper rang the nurse to ask for a vase for the flowers. She laughed: "Loki, darling, a birth is not a walk! I am fine. I'm only tired, but very very happy.” Loki and Steve kissed their mother's cheek while Thor tried get a closer look at his new little brother. Tony involuntarily made Peter disappear deeper into his arms. "Pop! Let’s see! What's the name of the little rascal now? Happy hasn't told us anything."

"Tony ...", Pepper sounded amused, but at the same time there was an undertone in her voice which was making all members of the family - including their friends Howard 'Happy' Hogan and James 'Rhodey' Rhodes - stand at attention. Tony grimaced a little lowering his arms so Thor could have have a look at Peter.

"His name is Peter Benjamin." "Thank God ..." came quietly and suppressed out of Steve's direction. Pepper laughed out loud. "Steve! What have you thought we'd call him?” She knew very well her bizarre taste of first names was a little embarrassing for her eldest. But this time it had been Tony's turn again. "I would have liked Odin!", Thor piped up. Loki rolled his eyes. The tiny baby winced at Thor's loud voice and grimaced. "Hush!" Tony hissed. "But he's pretty ... _tiny_. Hello baby brother!” Thor tried to whisper, which he never managed very well.

Steve and Loki were now with Tony and Thor, curiously eyeing the new family member. "May I hold him, Dad?", Steve asked. Tony tightened his arms around the bundle again. "Don't give the baby to Thor, he's going to break it.", Loki said with grtting kicked by his brother for this. Another glance from Pepper made Tony stand up, sighing.

"Sit down, my boy." The proud father carefully placed his newborn treasure into his eldest son's arms. Steve beamed making Tony's heart melt a little. His oldest was a fanatstic big brother! He and Pepper had worried the late surprise might be embarrassing to their sons. But a look at the faces of his boys was enough. They _loved_ Peter!

Loki and Thor each held one of his tiny little fists and Steve was very proud to be the oldest. He made a firm commitment to himself to be a good role model for Peter and to help his parents raise him. Both Thor and Loki didn't really meet with his approval that much. Loki with his dark drama and black clothes and Thor with his rough rumbling, so annoying. Everything would be completely different with the new baby-brother, Steve knew that very well!

The baby blinked stirring around a little. Tony's hands immediately flicked forward taking Peter to his chest again. The baby uttered a few chuckling sounds and then started to cry heartbreakingly. Tony's face immediately panicked, he seemed to be in horror! "Pepper ...!" He called out. His wife laughed - she _laughed_! Tony looked at her angrily. "Tony, have you forgotten everything? The little man is hungry. "

"Alright, boys. You've heard it, get outta here. My wallet is on the table. Go have a coke or get yourselves some ice cream.” Tony's voice was above his baby's cries while he was rocking him back and forth. " _Tony_ ..." Oh, _that_ tone. He frowned looking questioningly at his wife. "Go to the cafeteria with the boys. If you want me to feed your son, you'll have to give him to me, you know?” Giggling, Steve, Thor and Loki left the room. "I'm there in a second!" Their father called after them.

"When do we tell the boys?" The screaming magically stopped and Peter visibly was unarguably satisfied with the second meal of his young life. "I'm doing it right now, from man to men." Tony kissed Pepper on her forehead caressing Peter fondly over the head again. He didn't notice Pepper's knowing smile.

*

"How about cake?" "Cake, awesome!" Thor exclaimed enthusiastically. Everyone chose something in the display of the cafeteria and got down at one of the round tables. "How do you like him, boys?" the new father beamed. "Oh, he's cute," Thor mumbled through a large bite of cake. "Is mother really well?" Loki didn't seem convinced yet. "Of course, my boy. She is fine. She's on her murderous heels again in no time, you know your mother. She's a survivor." "She can rest now. She won't go to work for a while with the baby, will she, Dad?” Steve liked to turn to the practical things in life. Tony swallowed.

"I've got news." He took a deep breath. "Is Mom pregnant again?" Thor's eyes went round. "Thor ..." Tony couldn't help but worry a little about Thor's IQ sometimes. "Take better attention to biology, dummy, that's actually not possible!" Loki called out rolling his eyes. "Biology is for weaklings!" "Well, after all, you are the best in class in sports and detention!", Loki went on making digs at him. "Jealousy gets you nowhere!" Thor replied. Steve looked at his father seriously.

"Dad? What have you wanted to tell us?” Thor and Loki instantly forgot their little quarrel (to save it for later, of course). "Tell me, what do you think of your little baby brother?" Tony clearly tried to distract, wining some minute with it.. "He is very cute, Dad! But tell us now, what news?” Tony took a deep breath:

"Mom wants to go to work again as quickly as possible, so when she's well enough again - and it doesn't take long for your mother, you know... Do you remember when she had the flu and had a couch delivered to the office to ... " "Dad! Pop! Father!” his sons shouted all togeher. Tony cleared his throat. "So listen. Mom will be back in her executive chair in a few weeks skillfully managing the company's fortunes as usual and ..." "Will we get a nanny again?" Loki asked disgusted. He had hated every single one of them. "Please dad, a young and pretty one for a change!", Thor called. "Dad?" Steve didn't let himself be distracted. His father's obvious discomfort was not hidden from him.

"I'm staying with Peter and taking care the family from now on.", So it was out, Tony was visibly relieved. Steve and Loki were staring at their father in disbelief. Thor kept on munching on his cake. "Cool! Gamoras and Nebulas Pop is also a lot at home." "Who?", that rang a bell – the Name 'Gamora' – wasn't her a daughter of Thanos Titan, some radical madman from the city council? He shook his head internally. Who called his children Gamora and Nebula, but well, he had to talk ...

"They are girls from school, friends of Quill, you know him!" "Peter Quill? The boy with the raccoon?“ „And that potted plant in his lockers.” Loki threw a scowl in between. Tony's head jerked over to him. "WHAT?" And quieter: "We have to talk later." Steve cleared his throat. "Dad?"

"Oh yes. Now you know. I'm a stay-at-home dad from now on.” He beamed at his sons. " _You_ ... want to stay at home? Leaving Stark Industries to its own devices?” Tony laughed. “Mom is way better at the job than I am anyway, she has always been. I'm going to expand my workshop at home. I can be tinkering there when Peter is sleeping and continue to invent the stuff which's making us rich. ”

"But Dad, taking care of a baby and ..." "Young man! Do you think that's a problem for me?” Thor nodded a bit, his mouth full. Loki looked at his father with wide eyes: "You all alone?" At this point Tony got a little angry. "Look at you! I've already got three of you little monkeys to a reasonable age and what's been the use? You're judging there and …" "You've never been there ...!" Loki called out, silencing his father for a moment. "Loki, apologize to Dad!" That was Steve of course.

"No, Steve. He's right. I've never been there. When you were little, I had been working too much. I've missed so much! I don't want that anymore. I'm gonna catch up on everything! We're going to have such a good time!”

The three of them went all silent. Loki was the first to talk again: "Well, fantastic. With a baby crying its lungs out, missing its moth …" " _LOKI_!" "It's true! You know that!“ "Stop it now!", Tony looked around sternly. "I've thought you would be happy," he added quietly. Thor blurted out: "It's gonna be awesome! We can go to the sports field or doing lots of other cool things!", he beamed at his dad, "great thing, pop!" Steve smiled now, too:

"Finally someone at home who can help me with the science projects!" "And with the girls!" Tony winked, "I'm an expert, I've convinced your mother." Steve turned bright red. "Leave him, Pop, he finally asked Peggy Carter if they can be sitting together over lunch." "I also have to talk to _you_ later!", Tony laughed. After a short while he looked seriously at his youngest to this day. "Loki?", The boy couldn't resist his father's pleading eyes.

"I think it's fine, father. Thinking of Mrs Jones, that's 100% improvement ”. Tony hugged the boy in silence. Then he kissed Thor on the top of the head and squeezed Steve's shoulder. "All for one, boys, and one for all."

*

_"Hey Bucky! My newest brother is called - hold on ... (fanfare): PETER! Peter Benjamin Stark. Dad chose. Phew, who would believe my mom is responsible for 'Thor' and 'Loki'? My MOM ???? Peter is cute. Very sweet. And super tiny! And imagine! My dad wants to stay at home with the baby and my mom is going to work. This is going to be weird. I mean ..._ Dad _! "_

_"Peter?!!! This is almost as crazy as Steven. ;) I think your parents really could have reached into the bag of tricks. Simba would have been great or ... I've met someone here in my surfing course: Nalu. Sounds pretty nice, doesn't it? "_

_"Sounds pretty or_ is _pretty?"_

_"Oh, busted._ Is _pretty. ;) "_

_"Buck-aroo! You're back in the game, aren't you? Congrats on finding someone able to endure your stupid face!"_

_"My stupid face's matching the stink finger you're getting for that, you little shit! Your dad's taking parental leave? Wow. That's pretty brave. What are you doing otherwise? "_

_"Not much. It's pretty dull without you. I'm now with Peggy Carter at lunchtime. You know her, the one with the politics club in middle school! "_

Bucky remembered Peggy Carter pretty well. Now, with _that_ news of her spending lunch time breaks with Steve he wasn't sure if he'd ever liked her though. He decided to not comment on that.

_"It's stupid without you, too. But imagine: I'm getingt my driver's license for cars and motrobilkes after New Year!"_

_"Woah, has Hawaii given out a national warning of you messing around on the streets?"_

_"I've always beat you in Mario Cart, don't be so full of yourself, you little punk."_

_"Why punk?"_

_"Why not?"_

_"You're an idiot."_


	4. It's a Boy! - Natasha and Bruce are Bringing Baloons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one, again.
> 
> All following chapters are way longer...

**Natasha and Bruce are Reached by the News**

Peter had had a restless first night on Earth. As soon as Tony tried to put him down, he started to whimper. So Tony, of course, carried him all night walking up and down the hospital corridors. Pepper nursed him about every two to three hours, after which Tony disappeared with the baby, again and again so his wife could be resting.

This would be like that from now on, coming more than once to Tony's mind. Would he be able to handle all of this? But one look at the little face helped to fight his anxiety each time. He was doing the right thing.

With Peter firmly pressed to his chest, Tony was startled from a light sleep. After all, new parents don't know anything different from light sleep. He was a little stiff, the wicker chair looked much more comfortable than it was. For a moment he wondered what had woken him - Peter slept calmly and visibly satisfied in his arms when the door to the room opened. Bruce and Natasha!

The physicist was barely visible behind the huge bouquet. Natasha had a few sky-blue "It's a boy!" balloons on strings and a cute rattle - the exact replica of an oxygen molecule, in her hands. Bruce quickly put the bouquet on the table beaming around.

"Pep! Tony! Congratulations! Gosh, you're looking _great_ , Pepper. Isn't she looking great, Nat? "

Natasha, who frowned at Tony, snorted.

"Indeed! Just tell, has Tony instead of you given birth to this little rascal or what? You're looking terrible, old boy!"

Tony grimaced a bit, "I've never heard that from you before."

Natasha laughed patting his head good-naturedly: "I've never seen you after a night with you obviously not getting any sleep at all, then." She winked. Pepper's eyes were only slightly narrowed, but she visibly relaxed at Tony's answer.

"Well, not that you weren't able to pump me out of information about the _oh-so-ingenious_ and _oh-how-interesting_ Dr Banner for nights on end, but I'd got bored very quickly – much that I'd liked you, Bruce. At least I'd always gotten to bed on time and even alone at that, which made me an exemplary boss for the most wonderful personal assistant ever.” He exchanged a fond glance with Pepper, winking. “But now look at Peter!”

Bruce and Natasha came closer.

"Er, Tony, I can't see anything, give him to me." Natasha held out her arms. Tony's gaze became watchful and his arms tightened around the small bundle.

"And here we are again," Pepper sighed, smiling.

"What's going on?", Both visitors turned to her curiously.

Pepper's grin widened.

"My husband is a little possessive of the youngest Stark."

"You're exaggerating, darling!"

"Am I doing so? Your son would starve to death if I didn't appeal to your reason every other hour."

Nat and Bruce widened their eyes, looking amazed and amused from one to the other.

"He actually has to get used to me. I’m basically his father _and_ mother now, ”

"Tony ..." Pepper's tone was gentle. "You're scaring our friends. And no ... “, she turned to her visitors. "I have no intention of running away and walk out on my poor husband with four boys."

"Does that mean ...", Natasha hesitated before she couldn't help giggling. "You want to play the house husband and Pep's coming home late at night to you serving her dinner?"

Tony pierced her with his eyes. Natasha Romanov, as much as he loved the old friend, always managed to get him mad.

"What's so funny about this?"

Bruce raised his hands soothingly, looking helplessly at Pepper.

"Of course Tony won't play house man. He's going to be working from home, of course much less hours than before, since he's taking care of the boys.” Her eyes grew serious. "I think it's great. I've worked so hard at mastering two more degrees when the boys were little. Now the little man...", she nodded towards the sky-blue bundle,

"... Tony, now let our guests have a look, really! Well, Peter's surprised us, but he's more than welcome. We've been thinking it through thoroughly and I am indispensable to Stark Industries. Tony has long since withdrawn from public relations and business focusing on development and technology. He can be doing that from home. ”

Tony had reluctantly put the baby in Natasha's arms. The little boy blinked at her curiously. Her eyes grew soft. "He's so cute!" She breathed. " _You're so cute!_ " She flattered in a high voice.

Bruce hugged Tony tightly patting him on the back a few times. "Man, you're brave, but I also think it's great.“ Tony squirmed out of his embrace to get close to Natasha, who was holding his son. He eyed every emotion in his little face attentively.

Pepper and Bruce winked at each other.

"How's Wanda and Piet?" Natasha looked at Pepper grinning wryly. “Pietro's practising day and night. Wanda ... I think she's fallen in love ... "

Bruce's head whipped around. "Wha-hat?" "Oh, come on, honey, she hasn't been your little girl for a quite long time now!" "Yes, unfortunately ...", he smiled wistfully. "They're growing up so fast." Tony quickly took Peter out of Nat's arms hugging him tightly again.

"And this time I'm not going to miss it."


	5. Back to the Office

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Stark's family life!

**Back to the Office**

Peter was sleeping contentedly in the baby carrier. Tony glanced at the kitchen clock. Peter actually slept a full ... 47 minutes.

Some nights were worse than others. And some nights were like this: very, very bad: Tony had been carrying Peter through the house between meals, on the ground floor, where they didn't disturb their peacefully sleeping family. The little one was suffering from stomach ache. The boy apparently resented the switch from breast milk to bottle feeding. Chewing on the rubber suction cup angrily until, after a quarter of an hour of displeased nagging, he apparantly decided starvation was also not an option.

The relief his father experienced each time did not last very long, because soon after each meal the baby writhed crying bitterly because of flatulence, from swallowing too much air while drinking. Peter's heartbreaking sobs were tearing apart his father's heart so he was close to tears early in the morning, partly because he was dead tired.

7.30 am. Time to wake up the boys. He knew Pepper already was in their bathroom. In twenty minutes, she would float down the stairs, wrapped in a cloud of subtle, expensive perfumes, perfectly dressed and with a smile on her face. She was a morning person. Actually, she was also an evening person and a night owl at the same time. Pepper's never-ending energy often peaked up Tony's envy. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirrored surface of the fridge.

Urgh. It's a good thing he had more to offer than his good looks, because he had somehow lost them the past few weeks. His formerly carefully trimmed beard had grown out of joint, his hair stuck out at all directions from him tugging at them so often, and the deep shadows under his eyes made him resembling the Quill boy's racoon. He sighed switching on the coffee maker. He urgently needed another cup of his new basic food.

"Jarvis!"

"Good morning, sir. The boys are already moving. Time for an invigorating breakfast for the family. _"_

"Yeah," Tony sighed heavily, going to put cereals, milk and juice onto the dining table. He mixed a smoothie for Pepper and prepared her favorite breakfast, protein omelet.

Steve was the first to come to the kitchen. "Good morning, dad!" "Morning." Steve hunched over his sleeping baby brother smiling. "He is so cute when sleeping." "Fortunately, he's also cute when he's not. Would be hard to love a baby who's almost never cute.” Tony murmured. Steve looked at his father regretfully. "Mom says it'll be better." „Oh yes! Yet in 14 years time he'll attend high school and there are hardly any people sleeping in longer in the morning than kids in high school. Are your brothers up yet?"

"Think so. Would you take a look at my Scienc homework?” The teenager got a writing pad from his backpack. "I have been working on it for a long time yesterday, I'm not sure whether the calculations are correct." He opened the pad showing the physics problem to his father before he poured a generous amount of wholegrain muesli and cranberries into his bowl.

The numbers and letters seemed to blur in front of Tony's eyes. He shook his head, grumbled trying to concentrate on acceleration and incline. Thor stumped into the kitchen, examined the dining table, going straight to the cupboards. Without looking up, his father called:

“No chocolate chips on school days.” Thor slammed the door, sitting down, and the huge serving of cereal he tipped into his bowl made Steve's look like a snack. The boy had to grow again soon, Tony thought, consuming food like a horse recently. "Good morning." Everyone winced. Loki had come to the kitchen as quietly as ever suddenly being at the table out of nowhere.

"Nice shirt!" Thor sneered with full cheeks. "cheerful colors suiting you so well." Loki snorted wiping an imaginary speck of dust from his black shirt. "Not everyone has to be dressed like a heavy metal fan boy." Sniffish, he eyed the slightly ragged outfit of Thor's. He only shrugged carefree. Tony's forehead was drawn into a deep frown.

"Steve? How has Mr Johnson explained this to you?" "The rules are on the former page. I've followed them exactly." " _Blimey_ ... ", Loki teased, "who would have thought." His father snorted after he had studied the control box. "You can explain this that way. For sure. It's actually very easy to understand.” He looked at his eldest. Steve already took a breath to defend himself. "At least if you're an idiot! _You_ aren't.", Tony grinned at his son. "At least you don't have to explain it to Thor in two years.", Loki, of course. "Explain what?" Thor hadn't listened.

"Hand me paper and pen. I'm writing down how the task is solved for you, when's Science?" "First class." "Hm ... ", Tony made scribbling a few lines. "Here, write off, this afternoon I'm going to explain the method for non-idiots, that is, for Starks."

Pepper appeared in the kitchen door giving her husband a disapproving glance.

"Tony, you mustn't be doing his homework."

The boys hurried to wish her a good morning when she went to Tony and patted Peter on the head. "How's it been, darling?", She worriedly examined his deranged appearance. "It's been alright. He's slept well.“, Tony lied, "he's still hating the baby bottle though." "Poor baby," his wife whispered, meaning both of them, and kissed Tony fondly on his head. Loki had got up, poured his mother some coffee and got the omelet out of the oven for her, where it was kept warm. "Thank you darling. But Tony, seriously, don't do the boys homework. We've talked about it so many times."

Steve, who knew his dad had lied about Peter's nightly sleep so as not to worry his wife, quickly came to his aid. "Mom, I've worked on it for hours. Dad's gonna explain how's it done properly this afternoon and I'm doing it myself again, all right?" "The method his teacher's explained is for idiots and Starks aren't idiots." Loki made a clearing cough suspiciously sounding like "Thor". A stern look from his mother made him mutter: "Sorry." The same look also held Thor back from kicking his brother under the table. Tony sighed. How well the boys were behaving when Pepper was around...

"Give me the little one and go take a shower, honey. You have to leave in 20 minutes.” Peter stirred briefly before sleeping peacefully in his mother's arms. Even the baby behaved better with her. He obeyed his wife and got into the car 21 minutes later, Peter was already put in the baby seat, the three boys clambered in. There was a brief scramble, nobody wanted the unloved middle space on the back. Loki lost. He hated being the youngest. But he wasn't anymore! A satisfied smile brightened his dark expression.

Pepper came running down the driveway on her high heels at breathtaking speed, holding out Thor's forgotten lunch box. Tony asked his wife, "How'm I looking?" Pepper eyed her husband. The hair was still damp, he was shaved and dressed casually. The stylish sunglasses hid the shadows under his eyes.

"You're look very good," she smiled, leaning down to kiss him goodbye. "Fine. I'm talkink to Mr Johnson. Perhaps someone needs tutoring in physics and that someone is not Steve." "Tony ...", Pepper looked at him dismissively. "Mr Johnson certainly does not want to deal with a tired genius and Peter's also soon to be hungry again."

Steve in the back seat exhaled in relief. Discussions between his father and his teachers were legendary - legendarily embarrassing. For the teachers, of course, and Mr Johnson would surely take out his humiliation on Steve if his dad roasted him.

"Alright. I'm writing an email.” _Better_ , Steve thought, _not much better, but better_.

"Have a nice day, darling." The company limousine with Happy in the driver's seat turned into the driveway. "You too. Show Stark Industries the true one and only boss is back! "

"Father, we have to go." The couple kissed again quickly before Tony stepped on the gas,

facing heavenly 25 minutes without a baby's crying. Peter always was fast asleep in the car, slumbering - well, like a baby.

*

In the afternoon, Tony was finally able to lay down his youngest a little. He pushed the cradle into his workshop to be fiddling about the calibration of a complicated connection piece for a solar system.

Steve was practicing the trumpet (Tony was happy about the surrounding soundproof walls in the basement), Loki was in his room and Thor was ... Tony frowned. Thor hadn't come out of town on the 3:00 pm bus. Why did he only notice that now? He got his phone out of his pocket. No signal. Of course, being disturbed in the workshop was something Tony loathed.

"Jarvis!" He called out, "Baby monitor on speakers." "Done, sir."

No message from Thor on his phone. The boy was decidedly too independent for a 12-years-old for Tony's taste. Angrily, he tried Thor's speed dial. Not available. His expression darkened. He climbed the stairs to the second floor, where more enthusiastic than melodious trumpet sounds were greeting him. He sighed. _The Star Spangled Banner_ again. Where did the boy get this patriotism from? He went past Steve's door to knock on Loki's bedroom.

When he walked in shortly after without waiting for an answer, he stopped dead on the threshold. The floor, the bed and half of his desk were covered with self-painted posters. All drawn with a talented hand, but all of them with a very dark theme. Loki started from his work. "Father!" He cried angrily, "Why don't you knock?" He quickly jumped up collecting his works which looked suspiciously like a gray-black period.

"I _have_ knocked. What are you working on so deeply in your mind you haven't heard?” Tony asked gently. "Christmas play," was his son's short answer. Tony swallowed. Christmas play? In gray and black? Set the festive spirit free, my son, he thought. For now, a mental note to talk to Pepper about it in the evening had to be enough.

"Do you know where Thor is?"

"At his _secret_ club.", The boy made wobbling gestures with his fingers raised. "Oh- _so-_ secret. The whole school knows. After they planned on going to go to the Titan's home, I think.” Tony grimaced. The Titans. Thanos Titan, the madman hanging around school every few weeks with absurd demands on aggressively expressed banners.

"Thanks, Loki. But you could have told that when you came home from school, without Thor.”

"You haven't asked.", Tony decided to ignore the quiet reproach in Loki's voice for now. “Mrs. Watson has prepared sandwiches and some fruits in the kitchen. How about an afternoon snack?” He put on his winning smile, usually his best argument... “Come on and tell me about the play.” Loki smiled tentatively giving in. At that moment there was a crack in the loudspeaker in the hallway. Tony winced. "I'm getting Peter quickly, we're meeting in the kitchen, alright?" Loki's pale face was grumpy again. "I have to get this done, father. We can talk about it at dinner.” ( _When mother is back_ was hanging unspoken between them).

Tony was torn. Peters nagging got a more urgent tone, soon he would be blaring loudly. He hesitated for a moment in the open door.

"Go, father. Peter's crying.” Unhappy and with a guilty conscience, Tony turned, quietly closing the door behind him. The baby monitor was now spitting out heartbreaking noises. He fell into a sprint. "Jarvis! Turn it off. I'm on my way.” The silence, of course, only lasted for a short time, because the real Peter greeted him - live and in stereo in his workshop. He quickly took the baby out of the cradle muttering soothing nonsense. Peter fell silent almost instantly. Tony didn't believe his ears at first and looked around in confusion. He could hear all the other noises in the workshop. Spontaneous deafness was therefore excluded. He looked at Peter's tearful face. The baby's mouth twisted into an enchanting toothless smile.

Peter learned how to smile!

The dinner, of course, was all about little Petie's latest achievement. The whole family kept trying to make the little one smile. Tony was almost bursting with pride, he was the only one who succeeded.

"Don't worry," Pepper said, "he's laughing with you all day in no time, I'm sure of it.“

Later that evening, Pepper had gone to bed early, the first day back in the office had asked her a lot, Tony put the sleeping baby into the cradle. He asked Jarvis to put the baby monitor on his earpiece and ging downstairs to get his laptop. He could work a little longer until Peter's next meal was due.

Halfway back, he suddenly heard Loki's voice in his ear.

"Hey, baby brother, aren't you able to sleep either?" Tony stopped in surprise. He had never heard his formerly youngest son talk so softly before Peter's birth. Loki continued: “It's awesome you're smiling now, at least at father. He's taking good care of you after all.” The boy sighed heavily. Tony's heart contracted. The Christmas play! Tomorrow he would interrogate Loki over it right after school, he was determined to do so. He slowly walked back to the nursery. Loki continued to talk. "I'm curious to see who you're laugh at next, mother very probably. Or you'll laugh _about_ someone, then Thor, for sure.” Tony had to grin. His son giggled softly. Tony had arrived at the nursery and was touched to see Loki hanging over the cradle, adoring the baby.

"hush, don't be startled. Can't you sleep?” He spoke softly. Loki turned to his father shrugging. "I will. I'm actually pretty tired.” Tony put an arm around the boy's narrow shoulders. Then he looked into the cradle. Peter beamed - he beamed at his brother! "Look, Loki!" Tony breathed, "Peter." Loki looked back at the baby and his eyes widened. "Oh, daddy ... he's meaning me!" Loki whispered in fascination.

_Daddy_ \- the boy hadn't called him that in over four years. Tony got wet eyes. He firmly pressed his son to his side. "You are his big brother, of course he's meaning you. He's got his old man around him all day.” Loki chuckled releasing himself from the hug. "Good night, baby brother, see you tomorrow." He wiggled his fingers and Peter smiled adorably again. Then the baby's eyes closed slowly. Loki turned to go. "Good night, boy, sleep well." "You too, da ... father."

Tony looked wistfully after the serious boy and he loved Peter, if at all possible, even more than before. Peter had made Loki happy!

*

" _Peter smiled for the first time today! But he only smiled at Dad. Well, he's with him all day. But I tell you, I've come to the kitchen this morning and Dad's looked like a zombie! Dude, this baby thing is really creepy. I don't know if I ever want any!_ "

" _Stevie! Of course you want babies! Who else if not you? :D I'm really pissed off about missing your newest little brother. :( By the way, I've got my surfing license today! Do you know what we're going to do here in maths? Pythagoreamn theorem! I can't believe it! We've already went through that in middle school. I doubt the quality of the schools in the US Army - oh what a miracle!: / Are you in any clubs this year? Here, there are only sports clubs and soccer is not included. Cretins. I am now, for lack of a better alternative, with nutrition and cooking and with the choir. Blurgh. I'm a great singer! - not._ "

" _You're in the choir? Thank God I don't have to listen to that! I'm still doing orchestra and started writing for the school newspaper. Oh man, shit, you can't play soccer. When you come back you can meet Peter, he will like you like all my brothers. What do you have to be able to do for a surfing license? I assume surfing. Impressive, you jerk. And yes, you are right. I want babies someday ... And you?_ "

" _Not so quickly indeed. It would be cruel to take me off the market too soon! :D_ "

" _Dickhead._ "


	6. Who are you? - Dr Strange

**Doctor Strange**

Tony kept his promise. He and Loki had a long and serious conversation about the Christmas play the next afternoon. This year's new project let the Middle School's theater club select its own play for the first time, direct it and design all the stage sets and costumes. Loki was quickly made the creative brain and leader, although he was the youngest at only ten because the clever boy had skipped a year in elementary school. Tony at that age, it had been two.

The Theater was Loki's passion. In his free time, the boy watched both classic and modern productions on the video portals of renowned theaters and had a lot of his own ideas. Tony didn't care much about theater, but his wife shared a love for the stage with her son. Usually it was her who had these conversations with the boy, but Tony was very aware of his duty.

He was amazed at the sparkling spirit and the liveliness of the usually calm child and quickly took a liking to Loki's new side. His christmas present for him would hit the mark - so if he could get it done on time (Tony had been giving his loved ones all of his own gifts for years - billionaires showed no love if they simply bought something ...). His new job as a full-time dad demanded everything from him. No 14-hour day at Stark Industries could be as exhausting as what he was doing now. He sighed.

"Don't you also think my point of view is indisputable, father?" Loki's eager voice brought his father back. The boy's somewhat affected way of speaking no longer irritated Tony. He secretly enjoyed his little Shakespeare. Unfortunately, he hadn't been listening closely for a minute. So he said the first thing that came to his mind (which tormented him from the start of the conversation): "Uh, isn't that fairy tale of the girl with the matches some pretty heavy stuff for middle school?"

Tony could kick his own butt. That was exactly the wrong thing he could have said. Loki's face darkened suddenly. And as if this faux pas wasn't enough, Peter woke up. And he quickly agreed very little to be in the cradle. Tony carried him most of the time in the baby carrier or on his arm. The baby seemed to think that he was missing an important part of the body - namely Tony. His reaction was an infernal roar. Tony jumped up immediately and hurried to his youngest.

"I'll be right back!", he called over his shoulder. "Hardly to believe.", the dry tone of his boy hurt his soul. How did he know this tone so well? Rhetorical question. Howard Stark. The revenge of the chromosomes lurked in Loki ... "Loki ..." he sighed pleadingly, but his son was already gathering his papers and headed for the walk as Tony lifted Peter out of the cradle.

"Hey, champ! What happened? ”, he whispered to the little one. Loki wouldn't understand, of course, that immediate attention soon will lead to the baby being silenced. But: it did not work. Oh my, Pete, stop crying, your brother needs my attention, too ... Tony thought fervently. “You or mother are supposed to come to the Headmaster's office, by the way. Tomorrow, possibly.“, were Loki's farewell words before rushing out of the room. Tony watched him leave desperately, but Peter made no move to calm down.

"Pepper, help …", Tony groaned, his wife would have handled everything a lot better. Heavens! When Loki was born, Steve was almost four years old, a curious child who was constantly asking questions, Thor was two, the wildest toddler the world had ever seen and the baby, a sickly skinny creature that they both feared for weeks, because he hadn't gained enough weight an had them severely worried until it finally got better. Tony shrugged his shoulders and called himself vigorously to order. Stark! You are a strong one! You are a genius! But what did that matter to a crying baby and a hurt ten-year-old. I will be fixing it.

And what was that again? Was he or Pepper expected in the Headmaster's office? What the hell? Then he relaxed again. Miss Grant, an aging spinster, the principal of the school, had a weakness for him, that will be his easiest job! One by one. With this in mind, he consoled himself before starting to practice all the well-known and tried strategies that would normally calm his baby. It took a long time. Tony decided to never not have Peter on his body again - what a fiasco!

*

Tony Stark had put a lot of effort into his look today. He looked neat as a pin! Casually but stylishly dressed, every strand of hair sat right and the beard was freshly trimmed. Another splash or two of aftershave. Perfect. He practiced his most charming smile again briefly and lifted Peter out of the cradle. "Well little man, ready for school? You don't have to be afraid, we're only there for a visit.“ In the plush jacket, the little boy looked like a teddy bear. Tony pressed his nose into Peter's neck folds and was happy about the bright smile he got for it.

"Wow!" His wife called when he got to the car. The boys had already got in. Pepper was waiting for her car. "You look great." She grinned mischievously at him. "Are you going to visit your mistress?" "With the baby?" Tony replied, "I don't like sharing the attention people give me that much, you know that." „So Peter is stealing your glamour?“, she teased. The baby had a vaccination appointment and all of Doctor Mills assistants were crazy about the sweet boy.

"This indeed is a fact." said Tony half jokingly, half seriously. "Oooh, come here, you." She pressed a kiss under his ear and whispered: "Visit me for lunch, maybe I can help you a little with your cracked self-confidence." She pinched his butt slightly. They looked into each other's eyes in love when the loud horn of the van made them startle.

"Pop! I have music and band first class.” At this very moment, Happy turned into the driveway. "I'll see how Peter tolerates his first shot and send you a message!" Or how I can tolerate Peter's first shot myself (an injection - into my little baby!), he thought as he fastened his seat belt and gripped the wheel.

*

"Good morning, Miss Hooper, how are you?" "Mr Stark!" The principal's secretary jumped up from her chair and quickly ran around the desk. "Congratulations on the baby! Is it a boy or a girl?“ Tony proudly lifted the baby seat so she could have a good look at him. "His name is Peter." "Oooh, that's a sweetie!" She whispered. Miss Hooper, who had always got a bit fluttery whenever he showed up in the headmaster's office, was visibly logged off as well. He suppressed a sigh. Well, he understood her only too well when he looked at his youngest boy's cute face. After a little small talk, Tony turned towards the headmaster's office.

"Wait, Mr. Stark, I'm going to register you." "But that's not necessary, Miss Hooper, we're old friends.", grinned Tony. The secretary blinked and gave an "Oh?" Then shrugged. She didn't know everything. Maybe Mr Stark had even arranged this job for an old friend. "Well, see you later, Mr. Stark." Tony winked at her and after a brief knock, he entered without waiting for an answer.

"A wonderful good morning, Miss Gr ...!", He stopped dead. "Who are you?"

A handsome man in his mid / late 30s whom Tony had never met before rose elegantly from the armchair behind the desk with measured movements. He was tall. Really tall, about 1.90m tall and he was wearing an elegant black suit. The stranger adjusted his tie and said:

“I am Dr Stephen Strange, the headmaster of this facility. Who do I have the surprising pleasure with?”, his voice was deep and was coloured with great authority. "I'm Tony Stark." "Ah, Mr. Stark. Loki Stark's father. Glad to meet you. ” “Likew… ”, Tony replied automatically, but paused in the middle of the word. "Where's Miss Grant? She's not ... ", he swallowed," ... sick?” The genuine concern in Tony's eyes softened Strange's stern expression.

"No, no, don't worry. Miss Grant was on a short cruise last Thanksgiving weekend. There she ..., well, she fell in love. And immediately submitted her notice of termination. She has instructed me for the past three weeks and has now traveled to Canada to her great love.” He smiled pensively. "How life's sometimes going." "How nice for the old ... ahem for Miss Grant.", Tony was not allowed to express himself as casually as usual to the man, the disapproving look spoke volumes.

"You surely quetioned yourself which is why I bid you here, Mr. Stark...," the headmaster said now, busily pushing a few papers back and forth. Tony looked at his hands. And the bad scars. Each finger had apparently been slit lengthways and then been roughly patched up again. Dr Strange sighed. "Well. Let's get that over with.” Tony swallowed, looked up, and this time there was blank horror and deep sympathy in his brown eyes. "Please forgive me , Doctor. I did not want to be impolite."

Strange looked at him with an unreadable expression and then nodded graciously. "Do not worry. I'm used to these looks.” Tony was terribly ashamed of his staring. Another situation that Pepper would have mastered with grace and dignity. However, he wouldn't want Pepper here. Not in this room with this man. He was exactly her type, dark-haired, slightly graying temples, stylish beard hairstyle, sparkling intelligence in his eyes. His wife was pretty stuck. And Dr Strange was pretty tall. He sighed inaudibly.

"It was a car accident," the deep voice of the other one pulled him out of his thoughts. “A little more than three years ago. I am a medical doctor. Neurosurgeon.” Tony went pale, that had to mean… Strange continued to speak, he sounded calm, the words as if well-rehearsed - he had probably told this horror story very often. “During my convalescence, it quickly turned out that my hands would never recover from the devastating injuries. I had to quit my job." "Forgive me, Doctor. I don't know what to say.” Tony stuttered. "Then leave it, Mr. Stark. There's nothing to say about it.” Tony held the serious stare.

“I decided to reorient myself and got a master's in educational science. Working with young people has always been a good thing for me with my students in the clinic. However, I was no longer able to work in the clinic or in lecture halls. It would have broken my heart after I couldn't be a doctor anymore. Now I'm here. I love young people!” He smiled - for the first time since Tony had entered the office.

"How old is the baby?" He nodded to the baby seat. "Peter is five weeks old." He raised the seat to let the Doctor take a look inside. The headmaster smiled even wider. "Looks great. Very healthy.” He asked Tony a few more common questions about sleeping habits and the little one's diet. Then he became businesslike again.

"Well, why I asked you to come: It's about Loki, as you know.” Tony nodded encouragingly. "I saw the boy in the theater group and chatted with him a little while." "I've already told him. The Christmas play. I know it's completely inappropriate for middle school. My wife and I will make sure he's giveing it up and then take an easier one.”

"Mr Stark, did you have a look at the current date? The play is performed every day in the last school week. For the first time in five days. It's totally impossible to knock it all down now. ”

"Uh, I don't understand ..." Tony stuttered. Why was his tongue so clumsy today?

“The play is of course demanding. And Loki's interpretation is... - let's say rather unusual. But from an artistic point of view, I would call it outstanding, especially from a ten-year-old.” Tony's eyes were wide in disbelief. "Does that mean you agree with his work?" "I more than agree. We are the New York Sanctuary of Sciences and Arts (that was the full name of the exclusive school). We teach very talented students at a high level, at least in most cases.” Now he 's going to talk about Thor, Tony thought tormented. The boy was just a late bloomer. Tony braced himself internally to defend his second offspring with claws and teeth.

“Your son and I changed a few too dark scenes, sets and costumes together and everyone will be satisfied. Even Loki,” smiled Dr Strange. Tony could hardly believe his ears. Was this man a wizard? "Be surprised next week, Mr. Stark. You and your wife." My wife? - Strange was obviously also a theater freak and disguised Shakespeare - another reason not to ever let him get close to Pepper. "I hope you introduce me to Mrs Stark then," continued the headmaster. Forget it, Hamlet, Tony thought.

"I am firmly against outdated role models. Your family is a great example of modern education, Mr Stark. You, a successful businessman, taking care of the children at home while your wife runs the company. Impressive. I would really like to be able to win Mrs Stark for a speech on Girl's Day.”

"My wife is very busy," Tony blurted out, "she probably won't have time for that." Strange looked at him in surprise. "Mr Stark, our school's paying qualified guest speakers extremely generously and just think of the advertisment for your company. That's excellent public relations.” Tony smiled thinly and nodded curtly. "Let me talk to Mrs Stark about it. I'll sure be able to convince her, I think.” Yes, sure, Tony thought gloomily.

"I wanted to talk to you about Loki.", Dr Strange folded his fingers under his chin. Tony's heart sank into his boots. The boy was decidedly too sarcastic for his age. He probably made everyone cry. "You sure know how intelligent the boy is. I took from his file that he could finish primary school early.” Tony sat upright. He knew what was going to happen and prepared for an argument. "It is also noted in the file that you, his parents, do not want any further jumps to higher years for the time being." Tony's jaw tightened. "I respect your decision, of course." Tony's jaw dropped. He quickly closed his mouth.

"Would you trust me with what made you decide on this?" Strange asked him gently. Tony hesitated. It was personal, very personal. To his great relief, Peter woke up at that moment. As if bitten by a snake, Tony jumped up and pulled Peter out of the baby seat. The little boy was startled and started to cry. Out of the corner of his eye, Tony could see Strange watching him with interest. Great, he'll make a fool out of himself in front of the guy trying to pull the bottle out of the thermos in his backpack with one hand while Peter would turn bright red and scream terribly at any moment.

"Maybe you need a helping hand?" Tony gave in. "The baby bottle's in the backpack if it doesn't make a fuss." Strange hesitated. "Mr Stark, I don't want to rummage around in your things. Just give me the little one.” Tony sat up and automatically took a step back. For a short time nobody moved - except Peter, of course, who writhed and whimpered. “Heavens, Stark, I don't want to do surgery on your baby, just hold it for a short time." Tony pulled himself together. He knew he had offended the man.

With courage, he handed Peter to the headmaster. He skilfully bed him on his right arm and rocked him comfortingly. Tony felt a little ridiculous and took the bottle out of his backpack. The instant silence when he took the baby back from Strange and shoved the nipple into his open mouth was not as embarrassing as Tony had expected. "I'm sorry, Doctor, my wife always scolds me. I'm pretty overprotective with Peter.”, he smiled wryly. Strange returned the smile gently. "You're doing everything right, Mr. Stark. I am convinced of that.” For a few minutes you only heard Peter's sucking noises.

"It will soon be time for lunch. Let us have it together and talk about Loki,“ the headmaster suggested. "Why not?" Tony replied.

*

_"There's a new headmaster at Sanctuary: Doctor Strange. Imagine: the old spinster Miss Grant fell in love and ran away! Isn't that crazy? The new one is still quite young, Alison said, who had to bring some papers to the headmaster's office. And she's saying he's cute! A headmaster can't be cute, just my opinion. Thor now is set up in the middle school soccer team and he scores many goals! Would you like to read my first published article for the school's newspaper? 'The Dangers of Glorifying American National Sports': You'll like the lot of swipes at the 'wrong' football. ;) "_

_“There can never be enough swipes at the wrong football! Bring it on! New headmaster and Alison thinks he's cute? That Alison who once dated McIntosh? She doesn't have the slightest taste. Kindly inform Thor if he plays against me he won't score a goal. ;) "_

_"I will. I'd like to see that! Thor struts around here like he's a football world champion! ”_

_"My sophomore year here is a waste, I tell you. In sciences, we had 'mixed forest ecosystem' today. So that's what the US Army calls 'science'? Do you want a Hawaiian I.P. address to surf the internet incognito? "_

_"Don't you think Jarvis would notice?"_

_"Do you think Jarvis is sneaking when you watch a film? Just don't do anything illegal! "_

_"Streaming sites are illegal!"_

_"I'm laughing my ass of here! I meant film-film like on Pornhub! "_

_"Are you doing this?"_

_"Of course! Even from a super safe military internet connection. ;) "_

_"Easiest compared to Jarvis. So rather not. "_

_"Whatever you want. I'm going to quit here now. I'm planning on watching another film. :D"_


	7. Loki's getting a new schedule

**Loki's getting a new schedule**

On his way home - after his lunch with Dr Strange, a lively conversation and very ugly memories - Tony all the time had the strong feeling he had forgotten something. When he got home, Peter got his due meal and then Tony lay down on the couch in the living area with the little one, who was sleeping happily on his chest, and switched on his phone.

Six missed messages and three missed calls from Pepper. He felt hot and cold, then hot again. He was going to be so much in trouble! _That's_ what he had forgotten. Not just lunch with his wife, but also Peters' vaccination appointment. He feverishly dialed the number of the pediatrician. Closed this afternoon. He swore under his breath. He took a deep breath and opened his wife's messages one by one:

„ _How did it go? Is Peter okay?“_

„ _And you? ;)“_

„ _Tony ??“_

„ _Is everything ok???“_

„ _I'm going to lunch now. Alone!“_

„ _Anthony Edward Stark, you are dead if you really have a mistress, literally dead !!!“_

Tony swallowed, then bravely speed-dialed Pepper. She answered after the first ring. "Tony? Is there something wrong with Peter?” She called hysterically. "Pep, no, no, everything's fine." "Why weren't you available? How about the shot? Did he cry a lot?” Tony closed his eyes. "He didn't get his shot." "WHAT? How so? What happened?” Pepper sounded like she was hyperventilating. "Pep, darling, calm down. Nothing happened.“, he tried to get the tone one uses while speaking with a nervous horse, like Pepper often did with him. That went completely wrong. "TONY! Are you imitating me? That's _not_ funny!“ „I know, I'm sorry," was his pitiful answer.

Peter on his chest seemed to respond to his daddy's disstress and started to move. "Pep... I need you ..." he whispered shakily. "Tony!", She sounded calmer. As always, when he needed her, her mind got clear. Her next sentence sounded a lot friendlier: "Tony. Now from the beginning: what's going on? "

"Come home ... please." Pepper hesitated, she had another huge amount of paperwork to do. But Tony's somewhat helpless tone melted her heart. "I'm coming."

She hastily packed the most important files in her briefcase, instructed her assistant for the rest of the day, and then let Happy drive her home at breakneck speed. In the car, she did some of her work as fast as she could. When she unlocked the door, Tony was already waiting in the hall with Peter in his baby carrier.

"Pep.", he hugged her. "Do you know how much I love you?" "Tony," she said tenderly, pulling him into the bedroom. They had about an hour before the boys came out of town.

"Tell me everything."

Tony sighed deeply and spilled his heart.

As a child, he suffered a lot from being a genius, despite all the advantages. In elementary school he already skipped two classes, after a while the last two years of middle school, and in the end senior high, he simply wrote down the final exam with all the seniors after his junior year. After a year in Europe with his Italian relatives, where he attended language school, he ended up at MIT at the age of 15. He had always been quite the nerd. A weird child, too smart for the other children, too little interested in sports for the boys, too young and thin (and small) for the girls.

When Steve was on his way into life, his parents had decided together that no matter how talented the baby would turn out, they didn't want that for their child. Well, Steve was intelligent, but not more intelligent than the other five percent of the hard-working, inquisitive children of his age group. Tony had been relieved. A normal childhood could be expected for the boy! Thor was even less worrying them. He was a typical boy. A rascal, cheeky, witty, wild and not at all burdened with an outstanding intellect.

Then there was Loki. Loki was different from his brothers. At three years old he'd already spoken like a school child, could read at five and write at six - he had taught himself.

Tony didn't have fond memories of his own ambitious father. For Howard Stark, there was no question that his son was special. Unfortunately not in the sense that he found him particularly lovable, but solely as a prestige object. _See: my son, the genius!_ Tony had hated being shown around solving equations in his head or reciting complicated paragraphs from scientific papers. But he pretended well. He always desperately longed for his father's approval. Howard Stark certainly loved his child. But why didn't he want to see his only son - by God - _happy_? Tony was _not_ a happy child.

Only at college, where he met James Rhodes (who had been designated by the student administration as the only suitable roommate of the child prodigy) and learned to know what it meant to be liked and to have fun without expectations and demands on him. Rhodey was three years older and Tony even thought he was in love with him for a few weeks.

Rhodey had solved this in his own vigorous, radical way.

(1985, late autumn)

Rhodey came late from a party and was a little fussy. The alcohol ban on people under 21 seemed to have been lifted at the university. He didn't turn on the light so as not to disturb young Stark. When he had stripped off his clothes and slipped under the covers, he found said young Stark naked in his bed. _Dude_!

James Rhodes, who had often seen Tony watching beautiful girls longingly and who also hid a porn magazine under his mattress, decided to clear it up once and for all. "Kid, don't tell anyone, I don't feel like going to jail!" Then he kissed Tony as convincingly as he could. When he stuck his tongue between the younger boy's lips, Tony stiffened, gasped, and began to wriggle. With all his strength, he pushed Rhodey away from him. Rhodey's dry reaction was, "Now you know. All just imagination. God, hasn't anybody ever been nice to you before me? "

James Rhodes was the first and forever best friend Tony could imagine.

(Today)

"Strange understands!" Tony finished repeating the conversation over lunch. "Heavens, he understands. He proposed to keep Loki in his classes, but to suggest him for the more demanding clubs. Drama and English literature. Plus science. What do you think? I think he'd like chemistry.” Pepper agreed. Tony then said casually, "He also asked me if Loki was playing an instrument." He blinked innocently at his wife. At that time, Pepper was very much against Loki giving up his cello lessons when his enthusiasm waned. Tony had prevailed and now, now he was sheepishly admitting that it had been a mistake.

Pepper looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"That must be an incredible guy, this Doctor Strange," she said stretched. "You forget lunch with me, Peter's doctor's appointment, and he manages to convince you in about 40 minutes that music lessons are essential while I've been talking to you for weeks." "He wants to meet you," Tony said unwantingly. He kicked himself inside. "What? Why?” Pepper looked interested. Tony didn't like that at all. "It's about Girls' Day. He wants you to deliver a speech." "Ridiculous, I don't have the time for that!" "I told him so, too.", Tony replied relieved.

"Dr Stephen Strange it was?" Pepper fished for the Stark Pad on the bedside table. She quickly entered a search query. "Oh," was the only thing she let out while reading the search results.

"Oh?" Tony replied. "What does that mean: _oh_?" "I remembered. The story of Strange's accident was all over the media at the time. Tragic. He's a genius and the medical world had lost him.” Tony looked at his wife suspiciously. " _I'm_ your genius, darling."

Pepper looked back amused. "I'm not the one who skipped our lunch - and maybe more - for the guy. Who needs to worry more here?”, she teased her husband.

"When are the boys coming again?" Tony's eyes glittered. Pepper checked the watch on the Stark Pad and sighed. "In about 20 minutes." "I can do it!" Tony pulled her into his arms ...

*

_"Dad already met the new headmaster before he officially took office! He thinks he's pretty good. Loki is now in gifted clubs! Drama and chemistry. Mom and Dad are bursting with pride. I can understand. He's really smart. "_

_"Did your dad drop some fat checks just to make friends with the school's new boss? :p "_

_"Fool!"_

_"It's great for Loki! The little one will have fun. He is so bored at school so often. Was your dad like that, too? "_

_"Dad doesn't like to talk about his school days, but he had it through at a breakneck pace: Graduation at 14!"_

_"That is_ insane _! But if you stick to it, you can still do it! :D "_

_"Pfff!"_


	8. Who's Dead First? - Me or my Baby?

**Who's Dead First? - Me or my Baby?**

The missed vaccination appointment was made up for by Tony the next day. He didn't do well at Peter's first injection at all. He nearly got sick. The syringes seemed oversized and Peter took the attack on his legs pretty bad. He roared like an angry bull and did not let himself be calmed for a long time. Finally at home, Tony leaned exhausted against the front door and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. _Stark, you are a real whine_ , he scolded himself

"Mr Stark?" A hardly surprised and only mildly concerned housekeeper stood in the door to the hall. Mrs. Watson was used to quite a lot in the Stark's home. She skilfully ignored her employer's eccentric behavior. Tony sighed and scrambled to his feet. He started peeling Peter out of the warm clothes. Mrs. Watson was holding a clipboard in her hands

"Mrs Stark put the list down for this week's delivery. Would you like to add something for your personal needs? I will send the order off soon.” More wine? Tequila? _Xanax_ maybe? Tony scanned the grocery list for the week. Pepper had thought of everything. Still, he added baby wipes to show his capability as a father. He was being silly, he knew that

"Thank you, Mrs. Watson. I'll be in the workshop then." "Very well, Mr. Stark. Would you like to get a small meal around lunchtime?“ "What do you have got for me?" "Mrs. Stark's meal plan for today includes avocado toast and chicory salad with oranges, Mr. Stark." Tony didn't give away anything, but that was annoying him a little. _He_ was the head of household now. Pepper was working so much already, she shouldn't have to worry about these things. He also had to admit that it annoyed him, that she probably didn't trust him with that task.

"Sounds delicious," he lied, "well yes then, Mrs. Watson." With that he turned to go, Peter in his baby carrier. The little one had weeped himself to sleep. His next bottle was prepared. Tony could warm it up in the workshop. Time to work on the Christmas presents, Christmas was just around the corner this year. Time has been flying since Peter was born …

When the baby woke up he was a little warm. It took an unusually long time for him to empty his bottle and he nagged dissatisfied. Dr Mills had warned Tony. Besides, he already knew that from the other boys. Babies often got a fever from vaccination and became a little sickly. A natural response from the immune system. He cradled the whining little boy on his left arm while programming and checking program codes with one hand. Screwing and soldering had to wait …

Peter was getting worse every other hour. The fever rose to just below the magical 39 degrees that Tony would allow to call the doctor. However, Dr Mills had made it clear that he didn't want to hear from a dying baby as long as the fever stayed below 39 degrees. Tony was infamous in the doctor's rooms.

Mrs. Watson brought his lunch at 12.30. He pecked the salad in a bad mood and ate a few bites of the avocado toast. Why am I not allowed to choose my own food? he thought and gave himself the answer right away, if somehow in Pepper's voice. _Pizza and cheeseburgers or for a change cheeseburgers and pizza. You will kill yourself, Tony!_ He sighed. Why did his wife have to love him so much that she wanted him to stay with her as long as possible? Afterwards he could no longer concentrate on his work, Peter whimpered continuously and nothing seemed to help.

The boys tumbled in at half past three. Thor and Loki were arguing about something and Steve was chatting cheerfully about the successful history presentation he had held. "Do you have homework?" Tony asked suddenly, rather unkindly. All three fell silent. "I'm going," Loki sighed. He had to work a lot for the gifted clubs. "No!", Thor beamed and Steve gave his brother a warning glance, Dad was in a very bad mood but Thor hadn't noticed anything.

"Thor!", Tony held the boy back. "Yes, pop?" "I know you always got to do homework." "Then why do you ask?" The boy replied cheekily. Steve caught his breath. For seconds, Tony and Thor's eyes seemed to pierce into each other. Then the father lost control. Tony didn't get loud, he got _mean_. "Well, since you only have nothing to do at home when you've done everything right during class, that was a rhetorical question. Do your homework now. "

Steve exhaled audibly. His head jerked back and forth between the two. Thor went deep red and clenched his hands into fists. "I very well got everything done and I didn't make one mistake. Miss Carter praised me!” The blue eyes of the twelve-year-old boy now flashed with anger - so like his mother's… Tony wanted to apologize immediately but Thor was screaming now; "I know I'm not an eager beaver like Steve ..." "Heh!" "... and not as smart as Loki and no longer small and cute like Peter, but you have to endure me for a few more years!" _Oh-oh_ , that was going bad.

Tony had stood up and raised his hands soothingly. Thor took a step back and Tony was startled. Was the boy afraid of him? He held out his hand in horror and got hold of his son's arm, who was about to evaporate. "Thor ..." "I'm going to practice drums now so that at least these lessons are not in vain.", with these words the boy broke free and strutted out of the kitchen. In the dead silence, the baby monitor answered. Peter had woken up and whimpered pathetically. Tony dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his face in despair.

"Dad, that's going to be all right again in no time, Thor gets upset quickly but also cools ..." "I have to go to Peter," Tony interrupted. Steve now also looked hurt when Tony gave him a quick look.

Shit, he'd handled all of that incredibly bad …

Peter was still not well. Tony measured his fever every fifteen minutes, fluctuating between 38 and 39 degrees. Finally he gave him a suppository and carried him around until he fell into a restless sleep. Tony skipped dinner and was desperate about his sick baby. The fever went down, but the little one was still clearly not feeling well. Pepper checked on them two every hour. They didn't talk to each other much. She also had quickly noticed that Tony had one of those terrible days. She decided to wait until he came up to her, which he always did at some point.

The boys told their mother about their day at dinner, but skipped the unsightly episode with their father. Sneaking was frowned upon by the Starks and the three knew that their father had messed up a lot, but hadn't done it on purpose. The Stark men always held together. Tony finally did his sons the same favor and didn't tell her mother all of their little sins. Pepper was of course fully aware of this, but she also didn't want to be one of these women who pumped her family for information so that she knew everything. She could trust Tony. And her boys, too.

Today Loki was the most talkative at the table and Thor unusually was being very quiet and teased his little brother much less than usual. But Pepper cleverly distracted him from his secret grief. It was Thursday, weekend was coming and she had a surprise for her sons. She wanted to spend some exclusive quality time with them and announced a day with laser tag, karting and escape room games. Only her and the boys. They were delighted, there was going to be fun for everyone!

Meanwhile, Tony had been carrying Peter around for hours. The little one had calmed down, but he only seemed to feel somewhat comfortable when he was rocked tightly against his father's chest. The baby probably heard his heartbeat. And Tony's heart was pounding heavily in his chest. His thoughts revolved around Thor and Steve and that he had hurt them very much and then again that he eat every day had to what Pepper had written onto his meal plan and then he thought about the Christmas presents, all of which were far ahead but not yet were finished.

He cursed Dr Mills, who had, so to speak, forbidden him to call him because of Peter, and he briefly thought of Thanos Titan, the school's infamous vaccine opponent, whom he just was envying somehow at the moment. And then he thought of Thor again. The thought that his son might be afraid of him horrified him. The boy ptherwise was so brave! He ran his hand through his hair for the hundredth time. There was a soft knock and Pepper stuck her head into the nursery. "How are you?", she asked sympathetically, came in and put the back of her hand to Peter's forehead. "The fever has dropped," she said. "Yes. Suppositories.” Was Tony's short answer. Pepper frowned.

"Have you eaten anything today?", she took a critical look at her husband.

Tony gave her a sour look. "I had a wonderful lunch. Avocado toast, my favorite dish! And then the wonderful salad!” Pepper eyed him, but said nothing. It was best not to tangle with Tony today. "Hand Peter to me and go grab a bite. Take a little rest. Tomorrow he'll be better. Do you remember how much Loki always cried after his vaccinations? That goes away quickly.” Her understanding nature and her sovereignty failed the intended effect with Tony.

"I did _not_ forget that. I know I worked a lot when the boys were little, but I wasn't totally absent back then. And thanks, I'm not hungry.” Pepper's lips pressed together in a thin line. She wasn't exactly the most meek person you could imagine ... "Tony, I'm not going to pay any attention to this childish outburst. I'm leaving you alone now. Go eat something anyway. You don't annoy me by starving. You will only get me in unnecessary trouble with your premature death.” With that she turned and left the nursery.

Tony's eyebrows were drawn together angrily. What the hell ... _childish outbreak_? He went down to the workshop with Peter and opened the Stark Industries intranet. A few tricks later he was in Pepper's personal diary. No appointments for tomorrow. He grinned contentedly and started typing ... he let Jarvis out of this. Sometimes he didn't trust his butler program. Jarvis could be _chatty_ …

Peter and Tony had a hard night. In the morning, Tony set the breakfast table for his family. He had slept in the nursery - at least an hour or two now and then, with the baby on his chest. Steve, Thor and Loki silently spooned their cereal as their mother appeared in the door. "Tony, can I talk to you for a moment? About business.” Tony went to her in the hall and pulled the kitchen door shut behind him. 

The boys looked at each other uneasily. They didn't like that. Their parents didn't quarrel often. But when they did, sparks flew and the bad mood of the two hung like a dark cloud over the house for days. They listened anxiously but no sound came through to them in the kitchen. Maybe it was really about business.

"What's that?" Pepper held her Stark Pad under his nose. Her calendar was open on the display, with a field appointment. Address: their address. "You are a very busy woman, Pep, and I thought I would make an appointment," Tony replied nonchalantly. "Anthony Edward Stark." He winced – out of habit. "I didn't have that appointment last night, so you didn't _get_ it. Have you hacked into my calendar and entered it yourself?” Her eyes flashed. Tony cocked his head. "Possibly." Pepper took a deep breath. For a few moments neither of them said anything.

"Well, fine. Then we'll see each other at 2:00 p.m., Pepper finally concluded the conversation. "You could have just asked, you know.", she said coolly and opened the door to the kitchen again. Tony felt immediately a bit guilty. Damn it. Then he straightened his shoulders and his hurt pride took over. "What do I get for lunch today?" He asked sweetly as he followed his wife into the kitchen. Pepper glared at him. "I don't know it by heart. You can find that in the app.” Ouch, that was stinging. _#tonystarkhackerman_ was probably a no-go …

They ended the breakfast with the boys quite well, even if both of them were seething with rage inside. Fortunately, Peter was better this morning. The fever had subsided and he was drinking his milk again with a good appetite. When they all went to school everything was as usual. The boys messed around with each other, Tony asked a few questions about the schedule and luckily Thor was himself again. Big-headed, funny and carefree. Steve gave his father a look from time to time, but said nothing. Relieved, Tony dropped the three off at school and drove back home. Peter slept soundly and Tony went to work in the workshop. Eight days until christmas. And finally he also had an idea for Peter's gift ...

(2 p.m.)

Pepper was on time - of course. Tony had gotten on well with the Christmas presents and had eaten the lunch Mrs. Watson had brought him at 12.30pm (turkey sandwich and a smoothie). After that he was able to even sleep for almost an hour! Peter had a good day, as if the post-vaccination nightmare had never happened. At two he slept peacefully in his cradle - exceptionally, Tony was able to lie him down because the baby was so exhausted from the restless night that he probably didn't notice that the important part of his body - Tony - was missing. Tony turned towards the bedroom with Pepper. ("Jarvis, Babyfon ..." - "Of course, Mr Stark.") "This is a business appointment, Tony.", Pepper had stopped and pointed towards the study. "Please, after you." _Oh-oh_ , she was still pissed.

In the study Pepper took a seat behind her impressive desk and Tony pulled the wicker armchair out of the corner of the room. They looked at each other in silence for a long time.

"Pep, I screwed up," Tony finally said sheepishly. He was much better today. Peter was peaceful and sweet, he was getting on with the Christmas presents, Thor didn't seem to be angry or hurt anymore ... And Tony had had enough time to cool down and think. He no longer wanted to be patronized with his lunch. He wanted to take care of the family's housekeeping, and by morning he had realized that all he had to do was _tell_ his wife. After all, she wasn't a clairvoyant and had no idea!

Pepper looked at him in alarm. _Screwed up_?

"Anthony Edward Stark." For the second time, in just one day, _man_! "Do you have an affair?"

Tony blinked. _What_? WHAT?

Pepper was already continuing. "I was aware that a genius like you would get bored with a baby at home." "Pep,", Tony tried to interrupt his wife. She went on: "And that a genius like you can find ways ..." "PEPPER!" Tony cried out loud now. Even more than his wife's words, the expression on her face got him very worried. She suddenly looked like the little insecure and shy Miss Potts he had hired so many years ago. She hadn't looked like this in years. Pepper fell silent and looked at Tony with wide, anxious eyes. He hurried to walk around the huge desk, crouched in front of her, and reached for her hands.

"Oh, Tony ..." she sighed helplessly. He gently but firmly pulled her from her office chair into his lap. "Darling ..." he whispered. "I have _no_ affair." Pepper had her face hidden on his chest and made a choked sound. "Pepper ..." he cooed. "Yes?" She replied quietly. "I _love_ you." And he hugged her more tightly.

"Silly. You're exhausting sufficiently for me, Miss Potts. What am I supposed to do with even more excitement?” He murmered teasingly into her hair. "I'm an old man! Ask Loki ...” Pepper chuckled and gave him a playful slap on the upper arm. Tony pushed her a little bit away to look at her. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and the perfect knot in her hair was disheveled this afternoon.

"My god, you are _so_ beautiful," he breathed, kissing her forehead. "I'm an old, incredibly happy man." They kissed, first tenderly, then passionately. "Tony.", when she broke apart briefly. "What happened? Why did you hack an appointment into my calendar? “, Pepper could barely stop tearing her husband's clothes off, but held back herself because she felt that something was bothering him and that this something was important. Tony sniffed amused. "At least more original than _darling, I have a headache_." Pepper looked at him sternly.

"I said something very mean to Thor," he said sheepishly. He told the story and Pepper sqeezed his hand understandingly. "Tony. Thor can take it. He copes with that. He gave you his piece of mind and now everything is at peace. Believe me. By the way, he can also hand it out. The other day he asked me when women actually get their old body back after having a child. Very subtle.” Tony opened his mouth. "Don't lie to me now, Anthony Edward Stark," Pepper hissed. Three times in one day - _wow_ , a new record. "Give yourself a little more time, darling," he said.

Pepper sighed heavily. Tony frowned. "What was this nonsense about the affair? Really now!“, he asked. Pepper sighed even heavier.

"Oh, Tony, you unsuspecting baby."  _WHAT?_ "Don't you realize that as a full-time father you are the absolute jackpot?" Tony blinked, irritated. Pepper continued: “All women are dreaming of this. Daddy stays at home and looks after the baby and Mommy's putting on a chic dress in the morning and shows the world that she knows what's what." Tony laughed: "I'm sure of you knowing what's what, dearest, by the way." Pepper grinned at him ambiguously. "I guess so. And later I hope to  _get_ what's what when I need it. And have my way with  _what's what_ .” Pep could be so cheeky, he loved it ...

"But seriously! If I only think about you going to baby swimming or baby fitness or the toddler group with Peter in a few weeks ... My God, Tony, are you aware that you are always the most attractive man in a room?" Tony was briefly speechless. Then he quipped: "You don't have to flatter me anymore. We are already are married and my life insurance is in your name, so ...” Pepper slapped him lightly on the upper arm. "Hey, don't you always hit me, or I'll go to the women's shelter. I would definitely be the most attractive man _there_.”

"Do you regret it?" Pepper suddenly asked seriously. Tony knew in an instant what she was talking about. After all, he was a genius. "No," he said firmly. "No, I don't regret it. There are a couple of hurdles I have to get over with and a couple of struggles on my way through, but ...”, he squeezed her hand. "I don't regret it." Pepper smiled happily at her husband, then grinned slyly and started to look for _what's what_ in the usual place. At that moment the baby monitor blared. Naturally.

"Sorry, darling. The train has left - as so often.” Tony murmured disappointed. "Your son is hungry." "Why is Peter always my son when that happens?" Pepper laughed. "Because your son clearly inherited your sense of responsibility. There are no condoms in your study. The little one wants to stay number one.”, Tony replied dryly. Pepper started. "How do you know that, are you spying in my office, too?" She asked playfully indignantly. "Pep, what do we owe to having Peter again?" Pepper blushed. That was true. The last sudden interlude in her study had gifted them Peter. No condoms and a little calculation error ...

"I'll postpone your appointment until later, Mr. Stark." Pepper called Tony after he was already on his way to the nursery. "I'm looking forward to it, Miss Potts!" He replied.

*

Pepper hadn't gone back to the office. She and Tony had spoken extensively about everything while Peter got his milk and they had agreed that Tony would take over the housekeeping from now on. Pepper briefed him on the basics and they decided to just see how it went. What in the end could possibly happen?

Dinner with the boys was fun and relaxed. The three were very relieved that the mood between their parents had improved and that they appeared very much in love with each other again. So many of their classmates' parents were divorced. Peter was content and sweet as always in his father's arms and they all chatted and joked with each other. Then they played a bitterly fought on round of monopoly. Thor won. He was completely his own self again. Pepper was right, Thor could take it. Tony made Steve happy when he asked for his opinion on a recent political issue.

Everything was fine again.

And later that evening Pepper showed her husband that she _perfectly_ knew what's what.

_*_

_"Man yesterday there was a bad atmosphere! Dad was in a shitty mood, got crossed with Thor and holed up in the nursery all night. This morning we all thought that they would detonate every moment and you know that that's getting legen - wait a minute – dary every time! Then it didn't happen and today everything is suddenly full of sparkles and rainbows again - love_ has _to be beautiful ... and as we're talking about this: How's your sweetie from the surf course?"_

_"I'm not complaining. My blue eyes are hot shit here! I am approached on the street and asked for a picture on a regular basis!! Kind of creepy, but flattering all the same. I could be an Insta star here on Hawaii! But_ you _have to talk! Are you still hanging out at lunch tables with 'We-must-do-something/politics-Peggy'?"_

_"Sometimes, well, mostly. It's not that uninteresting what she's got to say. I know she's always been a bit pompous and over-the-top. But she is ... well, cute?"_

_"If you say so..."_


	9. Festive Season

**Festive Season**

On December's third Sunday Tony woke up feeling rested. He lounged comfortably in the warm bed and then his eyes widened in alarm. Sleeping in? He sat up straight and looked around frantically. Pepper wasn't lying next to him, the cradle was empty! His alarm clock showed half past eight. Tony hadn't slept until half past eight since Peter's birth. There was a dead silence in the house. His heart was racing. Hundreds of horror scenarios played out in his mind's eye. The head of security at Stark Industries, a beefy, creepy black with an eye patch, Nick Fury, had warned him for years. Kidnappers. They were rich, they had many enemies (competitors).

"Pepper ... Peter!" He whispered breathlessly. "Boys..."

While trying to peel off his sheets, Tony plopped out of bed inelegantly. At that moment the door opened.

"Look, my babyboy, who's finally awake ... TONY!" Pepper stood in the doorway with Peter on her arm. Jarvis must have informed her that he was awake. Next to them was the serving cart with what looked like a formidable breakfast. "What happened? What are you doing on the floor? ”With three long steps she was beside him and crouched. Tony groaned in relief and hugged his wife and youngest son tightly. "The boys?" He whispered, still breathless. Pepper frowned at her husband. "They're still sleeping, it's Sunday!"

Tony unwrapped his legs from the messed up sheets. Pepper's eyes narrowed. "Tony, you look like you've seen a ghost. Are you going to get sick?” She put the back of her hand against his forehead. Tony reached for her hand and kissed the inside of it intimately. "You were gone ..." Pepper's expression changed from confused to worried. "We were in the kitchen ... and made breakfast," she said slowly and calmly, as if speaking to a nervous horse. Tony knew the tone well. She always struck it when he exaggerated excessively.

"Sorry, Pep," he whispered, "nightmare. I had a bad nightmare.“, he then lied a little ashamed, because he now completely understood how idiotic he had been. Pepper laughed: "Well, if I had known how badly you are getting a good night's sleep, I would have thrown you out of bed at five." "Have you been up about five o'clock?" Tony raised his eyebrows. "Huh, your son has been awake since five and he barely makes his own breakfast." Tony reached out and Pepper gave Peter to his open arms.

"Tomorrow, baby!" He whispered. Peter chuckled and beamed at his daddy. Tony stopped and turned the little one closer to the light source. "Pep ..." he gasped. "Look, darling! His eyes!” Tony's own got a little wet. "They are getting brownish." He beamed at his wife. She leaned over to him without a word and kissed him tenderly. She knew how much that meant to her husband.

Peter was sleeping peacefully in his cradle while the couple fussed around in bed like teenagers in love, feeding each other small bites, and Tony was once again aware that he was the happiest man in the world. For the first time in five weeks, he had slept more than three hours in a row and felt like he could tear out trees. And he got an idea of which he thought could match Peppers image of a good Sunday morning. "Pep ...", his voice was deeper than usual. His wife smiled knowingly. "How long do you think the boys are still sleeping?"

"I put a note in the kitchen for them not to disturb you.", her smile deepened, and her eyes sparkled. "Or  _us_ ." Tony was happy to comply ...
    
    
    *
    

It was a bright, beautiful winter day. Freezing cold, there was a lot of snow in the woods near New York and the world glittered. The family decided to go sledding. Loki rolled his eyes at first, but was quickly infected by the general enthusiasm. They packed lots of warm cocoa and Peter's bottles in thermos and loaded the van with their sledges. Tony dressed up Peter in layer by layer warm things until he looked like a cuddly, plush ball. Equipped with hats, scarves, gloves and the all-terrain stroller, everyone plunged into the cold pleasure.

The boys built a snowman while a boisterous snowball fight was fought between their parents a few meters away. The two of them quickly landed on top of each other in the deep snow. Pepper laughed brightly as she got the upper hand. She straddled her husband, holding his hands next to his face in the snow and kissing him long and deep.

Loki made a face. "What's wrong with them?" "What do you think?" Thor grinned. "They were having sex!" His younger brother made a disgusted noise while Steve turned bright red. "Thor," he hissed, "but not in front of the little one!" "Peter doesn't understand him at all." The boys glanced at the stroller. The baby was sleeping peacefully. "He's talking about you,  _little one_ !", Thor explained, "Because you don't understand anything about that." "But  _you_ do!" Loki sneered, "Do you think they are trying to have a baby again?" Steve's teint became, it was actually possible, even darker red from this. Thor frowned. "Maybe. Pop wanted so desperately a girl and now it was a boy again. Starks don't make girls.”, he boomed.

"Ssh" Steve hissed, looking nervously at his parents, who were patting each other snow from their clothes while touching each other more than necessary to handle this task. Steve knew, of course, that spouses also had sex when they didn't want a baby. But he didn't want to explain that to Loki, not with the best of wills. That was not his job. "Well, if they get in such a good mood from it, they should do it more often.", Thor's voice was loud as always.

"Do _what_ more often?" Tony called over to the boys. Steve grimaced miserably. He was the oldest, he should make sure that they didn't talk about such issues. Mom didn't like that, he knew. The embarrassed silence of the three made their parents a bit suspicious. They came closer curiously.

"Look at this snowman!" Tony exclaimed enthusiastically. "It has to be the biggest you have ever built", Pepper said. "Stand next to it, I'll take a picture." Her sons obeyed. "Please smile!", She lowered the camera. "Loki, what about you, dear? You're making a dead serious face.” “As if that was something new.” Thor quipped, earning the strictest of all Pepper looks. The boy literally seemed to shrink a few inches. "Loki?" Tony asked now, concerned.

Then the boy burst out: "Are you trying to have a baby again?"

Pepper and Tony were speechless and gave each other a helpless look. Steve wanted to disappear through a hole in the ground. Thor could barely hold back a grin at his visibly upset mother, but he managed somehow. Pepper's expression relaxed quickly, however. Tony, on the other hand, fumbled with his mini pad and checked in a feverish hurry whether the baby monitor had been switched on during her marital activities and been sent to the corridors. To his limitless relief, it wasn't. He would have immediately _deleted_ Jarvis later.

"Loki, darling, would that be that bad?" Pepper asked gently

Tony's head snapped up, his mouth half open. Did he hear correctly? Pepper wouldn't ... Another baby? He closed his mouth and looked at his son encouragingly. Loki wriggled a little. "I do not know. Father is always so tired and if the baby will be there he would be even older …" "Woah woah woah!", Tony straightened up. "What does that mean, you rascal? Even older ... ”, but he belied his words with a amused smile.

Loki smiled timidly back. Pepper looked around the family. But it was not the time to find out how the boy got that idea. Steve and Loki looked equally guilty. It was probably time again to talk about appropriate family conversations. Of course, she wanted her boys to be sexually educated and relaxed, but that prevented Thor from doing the job. The boy was incredibly ignorant, but unfortunately did not know this and boasted of dangerous half-knowledge.

"Loki, listen. Your father and I are very happy with you four boys. We don't intend to change that so quickly.” Tony blinked. _Not so quickly_? What was his wife up to in the long run?

Loki looked pleased and Tony skilfully changed the subject: "Who wants cocoa and cookies?"

Relieved, everyone, big and small, jumped onto the picnic basket, which was warmly wrapped up in the pram. The general hungry mood also woke Peter and Tony was sittingt in the car to give him the bottle. Loki climbed onto the seat next to the two. "Would you like to continue feeding Peter?" Loki's eyes widened. His father was extremely reluctant to give up this privilege. "Maybe later at home, I'm just too hot in the warm clothes." Tony had taken off his winter jacket and a few layers of Peter's clothes and turned on the heater in the car. "Father ..." "Hmmm?" Tony grumbled. "You're not old, I mean not _that_ terribly old."

Tony looked over at his boy. He gnawed a little on his lower lip. "Thank you, my son." He preferred to sparse him any stupid joke. The moment was too precious after the embarrassing situation before. "Everything all right again, boy?" Loki looked his father in the eye and nodded seriously. "Good.", Tony nodded back, "Now get out with you, you are already steaming!"

*

The family later sat around the dinner table with flushed cheeks and chitty-chatty talking. Harmless teasing and stupid little jokes flew around.

"When Peter is a little older, we could actually have a dog!" Steve exclaimed enthusiastically. Tony made a face. He was more of a cat person. "What for?" Loki asked dryly, "We already have Thor." The boy in question didn't want to annoy his mother again today and laughed good-naturedly. He could give his brother the smack at the back of his head the little villain deserved later.

Pepper's hand was tied with Tony's under the table. She squeezed gently, he returned the pressure. They could count themselves so lucky. It was just a perfect day.

*

_"Today we built a huge snowman! And went toboganningg. You wouldn't believe how much snow there is, but my photos will tell you otherwise. Look! "_

_"Man! That's mean. I love snow and I'm on Hawaii at Christmas at that! The snowman could do even better, I'll bet you! Wait, Stevie, next year I'll partake! "_

_"Yes, please! But we now are almost done with half of the time. You're missing to me."_

_"I miss you too!"_

_"Do you at least have 'nice' company ... cough-nalu-cough ...?"_

_"Well, if you ask like that ... Yes! We are a thing, so to speak! "_

_"Woo-hooo!"_


	10. Loki's Christmas Play

**Loki's Christmas Play**

The big event finally was there. Loki had stayed in school with the kids from the theater group. Nat and Bruce would take care of Peter, Tony'd given in gritting his teeth that he couldn't possibly take the baby with him. Steve and Thor were going to watch the play the next day so that Peter wasn't at home without anyone from his family. The little one slept happily on Bruce's chest when Tony said goodbye one last time (Numero 5). Nat smirked.

"You better take the baby monitor earplug out, Stark. You don't want to hear what will hopefully happen later here.” Tony looked at her in horror. She grinned wider. "Nat is right," Bruce said now. Then he turned into a bright red colour. "Oh, not with what she ..., so I ...", he cleared his throat. "Enjoy the evening. You two haven't been out since Peter's birth." Tony hesitated … "We take care of Pete and Steve takes care of us. You can put your creepy artificial butler out of the game tonight!”

Jarvis spoke up: “If Miss Romanov is wishing me to and you allow it, sir, I will put myself into sleep mode for the next few hours. An update is still on hold.” Tony stuck the earplug in the inside pocket of his jacket. He knew how to get Jarvis out of sleep mode - just in case.

"Tony!" The call came from the door. "We have to go!"

He turned and his jaw dropped. Pepper wore a wonderful dark blue dress that was cut so cleverly that the soft fabric that caressed her body hid the fact that she still had a few pounds left from the pregnancy. She had her hair loose and laid out in romantic waves. Her subtle makeup was tasteful and her eyes were shining. "Wow ..." he just said. "Wow yourself!" She replied smiling.

That was true. Tony was wearing a sporty, tight-fitting light gray suit, no tie. The deep red shirt was a little open on the collar. The strong color was repeated in the breast pocket hanky and in the gaudy sports shoes. Tony always wore sports shoes with his suits.

"Come on, get out of here!" Natasha called with a laugh. "And don't stop in any parking lot on the way ...", she added teasingly, "... you don't want to be late." Tony laughed good-naturedly and waved around. "So then ..." "We'll take good care of your baby, don't need to say anything more," Bruce smiled. Tony sighed. He _knew_ it. Still, it almost broke his heart to part with Peter. "Come on," Pepper gently but firmly pulled him to the door.

The Starks entered the auditorium on time 35 minutes later. Everything was decorated very Christmas-like. They bought a few things that they did not need in the small bazaar , but that was simple school event etiquette. They were having a hot cinnamon-flavoured chocolate when a deep, pleasant voice was to be heard from behind them.

"Good evening, Mr. Stark." Tony almost choked and turned to the headmaster. Pepper whirled around too. "And  _Mr_ s. Stark. I am pleased to meet you.“, He shook hands with her. Her heels didn't help, she still had to look up to the tall man. Not to mention Tony ... His wife laughed a bit giggly and in a very high voice, almost as if she was nervous. _What the...?_

"Likewise, Dr Strange.", she sounded normal, Tony must have been wrong. "My husband told me you both had met." "I had the pleasure, Mrs. Stark." "Stark!" Tony was called out of the crowd by Thanos Titan at that moment. "Good evening, Mr. Titan." "Good evening," the beefy man also nodded to Pepper. "Ma'am."

Then he took Tony's arm and pulled him aside. Tony suppressed a sigh, looked around helplessly at his wife. She was already talking animatedly with the headmaster, who seems to be very charming today. No rescue was to be expected there. He tried to concentrate on the city councilor's rant. It was again about a rally that he planned in front of the school. Tony occasionally threw approving comments in between, standing inconspicuously so that he could watch Dr Strange and Pepper. Laughing, she threw her head back and Strange looked very pleased with himself. _Bastard._ His Girls' Day was probably in apple-pie-order now, Tony thought sourly.

"What do you say, Stark?" The other one didn't let him have a word and started talking again. "Your boy was at our house this week and he said that was exactly what you are thinking about it." Thor, _damn it_! As far he could tell, Thor hadn't listened to Mr. Titan at all, he had simply consented to the adult so that he could finally release himself from the conversation. „Nice chap, by the way, your son. Heart in the right place and all.“ Tony's smile was genuine at that. „Thanks, Mr Titan. He's enjoining the company of your girls very much.“ The man nodded briefly. „And what do yyou say now?“

"I'll look into this in more depth and will see what Stark Industries can do for your concern," he said charmingly. The standard answer. When in doubt, Stark Industries couldn't do _anything_. With the ingenious company policy one could wriggle out of everything if needed. A stroke of genius that he and Pepper have perfected over the years. Titan was satisfied with it and patted Tony on the shoulder appreciatively.

"Great." "If you excuse me now, my wife beckons. We should probably take our seats.” Tony left this pain in the neck with that. He noticed how his wife took her hand from Dr Strange's arm and smiled goodbye. _Really now?_ "What has Titan wanted from you?" She asked curiously. "You have to ask Thor." Pepper raised her eyebrows questioningly. "I'll tell you later," he just said, put his hand lightly in the small of his wife's back and gently pushed her through the crowd into the front area of the auditorium. The parents of the participating students had reserved seats in the front rows.

Numerous pairs of eyes followed the two of them. They were a really pretty couple. And they were famous. Pepper proudly lifted her chin a little and smiled graciously in all directions while she put her hand in the elbow of her attractive husband. She often felt a little like a queen by his side! He was, of course, the most attractive man in the whole room again, and her firm grip on his biceps should delineate her territory a little. Tony grinned to himself. He himself always was enjoying proudly how much he was envied for his beautiful and clever wife. The grin faded when suddenly, out of nowhere, the huge Dr Strange, which was in no way inferior to him, look-wise, appeared in front of them.

"I hope you'll enjoy the play." Strange's eyes smiled knowingly, the little show-off of the Starks had obviously not escaped him. "Afterwards, please come to the dresing room behind the stage, both of you. Loki would definitely be happy about that." „Thank you, Doctor.“ Pepper again didn't sound normal now, rather a little fuzzy. Tony gave her a side-glance and cleared his throat. "Candy?" Strange held out a bag of lozenges. "Oh, give that to me, he doesn't like having things handedt to him," she giggled. Tony snatched the candy bag from the headmaster. "My wife is just kidding. Thank you, Doctor. "

Strange nodded to them, took the candies back after Tony put one in his mouth, and then went on. Pepper watched him go. Tony shook his head. "So, really now?" "What?" She asked innocently, "An interesting man." Tony pouted, then shoved Pepper's hair behind her ear and whispered something into it that made her blush deeply. " _Tony_..." she whispered, shocked. "Tempting, but we don't have the time now. Let's go get our seats.” Tony grinned contentedly. Then his grin died away. He hadn't thought of Peter one second for the last 30 minutes and immediately envelopped an insanely bad conscience.

He furtively wrote a message to Bruce.

" _Everything OK with you?_ "

He drummed his fingers nervously on his thigh until he finally got an answer.

" _Tony, Nat here, Bruce is feeding Peter. Your baby is fine and you are a pain in the neck._ ”

Tony rolled his eyes. "Put the thing in!" Pepper hissed next to him as the lights went out slowly. Tony sighed and obeyed. There would be a pause in the play. At least that's what he hoped for ...

During the break he apologized to go to the bathroom and left Pepper alone in the confused circle of excited parents. Her mouth smiled at him, but in her eyes he could see her resentment about it. Loki's play was _exceptional_. This word was generally used by the other parents with very different emphasis. He calmed his conscience by actually _having_ to have a piss. In the cabin he put his earplugs in and wrote a message to Jarvis.

" _J@rvis! Eavesdropping protocol_ "

At first he heard nothing. He was about to open the mainframe of the smart home app when Natasha's voice rang in his ear. "Tony might be overacting with the little one, don't you think? Who would have thought that.” Tony's face darkened, but ... _a fly on the wall looks down_... why was his inner voice sounding like Pepper's?" If you ask me, I think it's just great, he 'a handling all of that quite well!" Bruce's words instantly made him better again. "Ha!" He snapped.

Someone coughed in the cabin next to him. What the person thought about what his cabin neighbor was doing in here, Tony didn't mind. Natasha sighed. "Yeah. _Ach_ , I know, Bruce.” Tony heard her getting up, the technology he'd developed there was breathtakingly good. "He's adorable, isn't he?" Even though she was whispering now, he still heard her quite well, probably she was leaning over the cradle. Who would have thought: the ice cold Miss Romanov. "Nat ..." Bruce suddenly sounded very depressed. "Oh, it's nothing ...", she replied somehow smothered. „It's.. all right."

Terrified, Tony tore out his earplug. He now understood what was happening. And he was ashamed to his very core that he had overheard the two of them in this intimate moment. Now he _really_ would have preferred to hearing them having some sexy time over that! Natasha _still_ was sad not to be able to have thier own children... He hadn't been aware in the slightest about that.

He remembered when Bruce and Nat had taken in the orphaned Maximoff twins from Natasha's sprawling Russian relatives, she was brawling how happy she was that she had nothing to do with all the diaper stuff and bottle making and walking around all night. Tony and Pepper had just been through the difficult first few weeks with Loki and he had thought of Natasha as brutally heartless. Now he felt heartless himself. He had to be nicer to Natasha! But subtly, she noticed something and would slap it around his heads. The Russian never was very patient with Tony

The gong at the end of the break brought him back to the present. He hurried back to his seat. "Coward!" Pepper hissed at him as the lights went out.

The last curtain fell. The applause was ... somewhat restrained. You'd never seen anything like this at New York Sanctuary Middle School. Dr Strange went to the microphone in the middle of the stage and gave a flaming speech in his sonorous voice about traditions and standstill as well as new ways and couragement. The Future, and progress, this is what this school should stand for from now on. "Bravo!" Pepper called. She literally had been hanging on the doctor's lips. _What the heck?_ Tony glanced at her and clicked his tongue. Pepper, still having her StarkPhone in her hand, she had taken a lot of pictures, and showed him the display.

Copy of StarkPhone one

" _J@rvis! Eavesdropping protocol_ "

_Damn_. He swallowed and looked at her. Her look meant as much as 'you are one to talk'

Then Strange highlighted the Theater AG and their brave interpretation of the play as a good example of his intentions. The children were standing next to the stage stairs.

"Now onto stage, please: Loki Stark, the talented young director of today's performance." Loki looked startled, but Strange smiled encouragingly. "Come on, my boy."

While the ten-year-old in his night watchman costume (he only attended a small part) climbed the stairs to the stage, thunderous applause set in. The flaming speech of the new headmaster had not failed to make an impact. Loki's cheeks were flushed with excitement and embarrassment. His parents had got up and waved and smiled proudly at him. All other parents got up now, too. Loki gestured to his group to come up, and Dr Strange introduced each child by name. Everyone got their applause. Tony was very grateful to the headmaster for this. The Stark boys always got so much attention after all. Loki really couldn't use more of the usual resentment.

On the way home, they praised the boy beyond measure and told him how proud they were of him. The boy thanked them politely and looked very happy. Then he asked his mother for her StarkPhone. He wanted to look at the pictures.

*

"'You are really giving this tired old school a new shine, Dr Strange' _seriously_ Pepper?" Tony teased his wife half jokingly, half seriously later when they got ready for the night.

Natasha and Bruce had assured them that there had been no issues and that Peter had been a literal little angel. Then they said goodbye, tomorrow was a working day. "Oh!" She returned dryly.

"'I am deeply in your debt, Doctor. What you did for my boy is an educational feat. You truly found your second calling'” she mimicked him good-naturedly. Tony was sure that he certainly hadn't sounded that pompous. Anyway.

"If you always make eyes at the doctor, I won't take you with me anymore," Tony threatened Pepper playfully with his finger. "My eyes at him won't scare him as much as your habit of always touching everyone when you're talking enthusiastically," she replied.

She had seen the headmaster's confused look when Tony's hand lay on his forearm for an unusually long time and then he even pressed it confidentially. She had also noticed the looks of the other parents. The Starks weren't very popular, they all envied them too much for that. She sighed. "Either way, we will be suspected anyway that we're trying to influence the boys' grades." "Or to buy them ..." She laughed.

*

Dr Strange couldn't find sleep easyliy for a long time. Sometimes his surgical scars hurt too much. He was sitting in his New York penthouse with a view of the skyline in front of the panoramic window. _He_ liked the Starks.

They still seemed to be madly in love with each other and they both had a pretty jealous energy around them despite their brimming self-confidence. He smiled to himself. They were interesting people. And a really pretty couple. He sighed and thought of Dr Christine Palmer …

He and the pretty doctor also had always drawn everyone's attention. Never mind now. He thought about the Starks again and was very excited about future meetings with the two …

_*_

_"Today I went to see Loki's Christmas play and he directed it and took on a lot of responsibility at the age of TEN! We are all so proud of him. It was great! Mom has got a lot of pictures, I'll send them to you later. By the way, I went with Peggy. ;) "_

_"To use your words: Woo-hoo! It's great what Loki has achieved! The little one is smart, isn't he? What a potential ... "_

_"Don't make a thing of it! Peggy and I like to talk to each other because nobody else is interested in politics. How do you celebrate Christmas on Hawaii? "_

_"I'm pissed! Dad wants to get the air conditioner up so we can start a fire! What a waste! I'm gonna explode right away and then there's a lot of fuss and shouting. Should I rather leave it? "_

_"Leave it. You can't do anything with this argument. Save your strength for other battles. "_

_"Other_ battles _? Are you expecting World War 3 or what? ;) "_

_"No, but we all have to fight every now and then. Just keep it until you need it! "_

_"Y-yes, you-you're r-right."_

_"What's with the stuttering?"_

_"Your combative self is scaring me! ;) "_

_"You're an idiot.“_


	11. Peter's First Christmas Tree

**Peter's First Christmas Tree**

First of all Christmas was serious business for Tony and then it was one big party full of laughter and love. That's how he knew it from childhood. His Italian mother had always prevailed over her husband on these holidays. Of course, as a young man, he had tried to ignore this season for years and suffered a lot every time after his parents died in a car accident a week earlier in 1991, but the first Christmas Season with his then small family - Steve was almost half a year old - Pepper got literally knocked out of her shoes.

There was a huge brightly colored Christmas tree decorated with a thousand multicolored flashing lights, glittering stuff and more and more colorful flashing fairy lights throughout the penthouse (even in the elevator). In addition, Christmas parties with friends and relatives for several days. Tony had bought piles of presents for her and a baby who was at that time pretty busy stuffing his own feet in his mouth. Cheesy Christmas music was constantly blaring from the speakers and Tony was wearing horrible Christmas sweaters and Santa hats all the time. Pepper thought she was going nuts at any moment.

She would never have thought of that in life when she had been warned of Tony Stark. However, nobody meant _that_ with the warnings, which were for real not meant to be _so_ friendly.

But Tony pampered her and Steve in such a loving and devoted way and she couldn't have been happier with her two men, a little one and one – well a bit small, too.... So she only sighed when he couldn't hear it, just told Steve, who still couldn't understand a word how absolutely crazy his daddy was, steeled her spine and put a huge smile on her face.

The ordeal was the party that Natasha and Bruce came to. Natasha laughed out loud and called their penthouse 'Winter Wonderhell'. Tony looked hurt at the Russian and Pepper quickly lied very convincingly how wonderful she found everything. Tony beamed. Only Bruce read Pepper's face. In the kitchen, when they were both alone for a moment, he said to her:

“Tony is really lucky. Only the bravest woman in the world can endure _this_ Santa Anthony. You're the only woman for Tony Stark.” With Bruce her secret, of course, was safe and she smiled at him a bit desperated. "Have you known that?" To that warning she might had not turned a deaf ear to ... "This side about him is completely new to all of us, believe me." When Tony asked Pepper if she finally trusting him enough to marry him after the party, she gave him the best Christmas present of his life: She said 'yes'.

Over the years, she subtly exerted her influence on him and weakened the Christmas madness more and more. When Loki was two and a half, on Christmas Eve he stated: "Daddy, lighth make my eyeth itthing ." Loki spoke very differentiated. This year she finally got rid of the annoying blinking lights. She had been afraid for years that they would all get epileptic fits.

The following year, Steve insisted on American colors for the fairy lights. Tony took this terrible suggestion as an occasion to replace all the lights with white ones. The mountains of gifts became smaller and smaller, as the children were more happy when they got less but the right things.

And now, in 2016, there only was left the giant Christmas tree, but more tastefully decorated, the hideous Christmas sweaters that Tony was now designing himself, with a clever computer program and a knitting machine - they all would be wearing such sweaters and even found it very funny. There was only one party with friends on December , the 26th. And there was still the Santa hat, in which the family's patriarch actually looked rather cute. Red suited him.

He and Pepper hadn't told each other for years what each of them gave the children. So they always had a lot more fun with the surprise and the joy of unpacking.

On December, the 20th, the tree was delivered and Tony set up the ladders, took the boxes of decorations out of the garage, and put the last baking sheet in the oven. He was baking cookies, which meant he had put roughly Christmas-shaped dough pieces on a tray. He really was useless in the kitchen. But the cookies for the boys would taste still good and they already had the perfect-looking wonderful cookies that Mrs. Watson had baked. Tony just thought baking for the family felt right.

During these activities, he was talking to Peter all the time. The baby was in the baby carrier and looked up at his father with wide eyes. He either listened to him attentively or it was because of the headphone-like camera his father was wearing. The blue light on the side was an eye catcher for the little one. Tony was pleased to see that Peter's eyes were getting darker and darker. The older boys all inheritated Pepper's blue eyes.

"You will be amazed how your daddy is giving this old hut some Christmas glow," he said to Peter. The little one smiled. "Tell your mother, my angel, how hard we work here so that everything is ready in time for your first Christmas." Peter's smile was adorable. "Look at you ..." Tony sighed in love. He would tear his heart out of his chest for Peter. "Kiddo, you shouldn't keep me from work. When Mommy's coming home, she only scolds just me again! "

Peter chuckled and a little drool ran out of the corner of his mouth while making these adorable baby bubbles. "... who could even scold you ..." he said softly. "Mommy would experience her toughest task to the day," he joked. "How could she resist your bambi eyes first and then mine too after that, little one, tell me that!"

While chatting lovingly with his son, he unpacked the Christmas decorations and arranged them around the tree. The lighting that he developed himself was a bestseller by Stark Industries during the festive season. Instead of the tangled cables, the lights were evenly distributed over a wafer-thin, almost invisible web. You could just put this on the tree like a poncho and thus save the tedious circling around it.

Before Tony climbed the ladder, of course, he put Peter down on the playmat in front of the fireplace. There he first showed the baby the brand new Christmas stocking for the hundredth time, for which Jarvis' one had moved up one place. Speaking of Jarvis...

"Jarvis?" "Yes, sir, what can I do for you? I hope you don't expect me to hang these Christmas ornaments. It would be a great grief for me to have to disappoint you for the first time in my life, especially in the most beautiful season of the year.” the A.I. joked.

Everyone in the house, including Jarvis, of course, knew how important it was to Tony to decorate the tree himself. In all the years in which he had worked so much until shortly before the holidays, he had done it until late at night. Pepper had always feared he would fall off the ladder half asleep.

"Don't worry, Jarvis. I don't even treat _you_ to this pleasure.", Tony replied in a conversational tone, then he became businesslike: "Start test run 2.2 for _Uncle Sam_. Note down any bugs and fix any bugs related to the mainframe, as I worked on it a bit hastily.” “Very well, sir.”, Jarvis' warm tone had also given way to a more artificial one. How much Jarvis seemed like a real person, he really was like a family member. The A.I. was Tony's greatest invention and the only one he didn't share with the world. It was just too dangerous.

"Now look at your daddy, Peter!" Tony called to the baby who was kicking the blanket cheerfully. "Your daddy will be really tall now for a change. Taller than Mommy in her most dangerous shoes! I'm sure I'm tall for you, the greatest! But, you will see, your daddy can be a real giant and you will always feel protected and safe. At least I hope so, kiddo ”, that last sentence was quieter.

If only he had one wish now, he would wish to be able build a protective wall around Peter that would keep him safe from all dangers for the rest of his life. The fear of loss that the baby awakened in him sometimes took his breath away! He had to delete that from the record. He immediately gave orders to Jarvis.

"Definitely, sir?" "No, to the _PBS College protocol_." Tony sighed. He knew one had to let go of children so that they could develop. He picked up the little one again from the mat, into his arms. "But not yet," he said firmly, pressing his cheek to Peters. "Not for a long, long time."

"Sir, your ... _cookies_ must be taken out of the oven." Tony grinned at Jarvis' sarcasm and went to get the baking tray out of the oven. "So, Pete!", back in the living area he really had to get to work.

Peter had blinked quite sleepily the last few minutes, so his father lay down on the blanket with him for a few minutes and sang the baby to sleep. From the start he couldn't bring it over himself to sing those gruesome lullabies, and Dr Mills had assured him that if the tone and volume were right, babies could be singed everything. Peter was falling to sleep excellently with AC / DC.

For the next two hours Tony worked methodically on the Christmas tree with a system that had been perfectionated over the years and in the end it _was_ perfect. Mrs. Watson, who had worked in the upper rooms all morning, admired the work extensively when she brought him his lunch and Peter's bottle. Tony, who now chose his own meals, had remained amazingly reasonable.

There was a tuna salad and whole grain waffles. Now that he wasn't angry with Pepper anymore, he shared her opinion that premature death would be a great loss. Especially when he thought of Peter. For the boy, he would go out of his way to get over 100. If he had a guarantee, he would never touch pizza or cheeseburgers again. Fortunately, as his doctor had assured him, that wasn't necessary. Tony was in excellent health and was allowed to indulge in these delights every now and then. While Peter was drinking his milk, Tony chatted comfortably with his housekeeper for half an hour.

Just when he wanted to go for a lunch stroll with Peter, Jarvis reported:

“Test run 2.2 for _Uncle Sam_ completed. Mainframe errors found: negative. Possible bugs: negative. Further random sample searches for irregularities: negative.“ The voice of the A.I. got warmer:

"Excellent work, sir." Tony beamed and clenched his fists in his triumph. He was the best! "Pete!", He leaned over the stroller, "Daddy is the best! Your brother will freak out when he sees that!” Peter chuckled and smiled adorable. The baby was happy at the bright, happy tone in his father's voice.

"Thank you, Jarvis. Start test run 3.1 for _Thunderdome_. Check the overdrive risk of the equalizer, 20 runs, note down errors. Readjust adjustment of gauntlet element two with deviations up to 30cm, create protocol. Integrate data frame from StarkPad1, folder _popusedtobearockstar_ into mainframe."

"Start test run 3.1 for _Thunderdome_ , sir"

Tony left the house with Peter. An hour later, father and son came back with cheeks flushed with cold and shortly afterwards Steve, Thor and Loki came home from school. Tony's big boys immediately rushed to the living area excitedly.

"Looks great, Dad!" Steve praised him. Thor did a kind of joy dance around the tree and sang 'Jingle Bells' more loudly than melodic. Loki put his hand in his father's, who was standing next to him.

"Beautiful, Daddy.", Loki occasionally called him Daddy when he was really happy, like now. Tony always took it as a gift. He hugged the boy. "Your mother will be amazed, what? Nobody does that as well as I do.” But he had overdone it again. Loki pulled away and looked at him seriously. "You never let mother do it, so we don't know." Tony sighed soundless.

"Smells fantastic here!", Thor cried. "Fresh cookies?" His father took the plate with his masterpieces from the coffee table and held it out to his boys. "Or what you _call_ ... cookies." Loki's sarcasm really got worse and worse. "Just have one, I left out the poison this time, word of honor," Tony said dryly. Thor, who had already put a few in his mouth:

"Delicious, pop!" "Say triumph!", Loki called with glittering eyes and before Tony could do anything about it, he, Peter and the carpet were full of cookie crumbs. Loki grinned contentedly. "Oh," Thor said, concerned. "Sorry, pop! But honestly, they are delicious! Cookies don't have to look pretty. You have no eyes in your stomach,” he beamed at his father. "If you touch one more thing before you put the mess away, I'll cancel Christmas."

"Yes, of course, Dad!" Steve laughed, who was already taking the mini vacuum cleaner out of the closet and holding it to his brother's chest. "you after all!" Thor cleaned the carpet, his father and Peter and everyone took place under the tree with a few board games. For a moment Tony looked around the group. His _family_ ... that was his small, huge world ... All that was missing was Pepper...

Jarvis got on the communicator in Tony's ear.

“Test run 3.1 for _Thunderdome_ rendered. Equalizer overdrive risk check, 20 passes, negative debugging. Adjustment of Gauntlet element two with deviations up to 30cm, new adjustment successful, protocol created. Data frame from StarkPad1, folder _popusedtobearockstar_ integrated into mainframe.” Short pause. "And as I already stated: excellent work, sir, congratulations."

The three boys had of course noticed that their father was listening to the communicator and looked at him curiously. They knew he was working on the Christmas presents. "You won't get anything out of me, you nosey rascals," he grinned into the group. "Ha!" Thor replied and then tried his luck:

"Jarvis! Protocol Christmas present Thor.” „Nice try, Mr Thor.” Came the prompt reply. "You seem to want me to be deleted immediately, your father would order that if I didn't double-check this attack on my data security. You're trying to outsmart me by pretending to be Mr Stark. But your father thought of this possibility and programmed a protection. I am sorry to have to reject your request.” Thor looked disappointed.

Tony blinked at his son, amused. "Oh no! You almost got Jarvis and me there, Sunny!“ „You said it wrong,” Loki thought for a moment. "Jarvis! Output Loki's Secret Santa Protocol.“ Tony was impressed. And a little scared too. Loki imitated both his tone of voice and his way of naming projects almost perfectly. Jarvis played along.

"Mayday mayday, Mr. Stark, sir. Critical threat to the security system. Mayday mayday.” Loki looked very satisfied. "Jarvis! Immediate restart. Take critical security threats seriously,“ Tony called.

"I want to try it too!" Steve exclaimed excitedly. "Sing the national anthem! Bet that works!“ Loki grinned. Steve looked angry. "Loki!" Tony admonished him sternly but could barely suppress a grin himself. The boy was in a good mood and gave in. He said more gently: "Try it, Steve, remember you have to sound like father!" Steve frowned in concentrated wrinkles. Then:

"Jarvis! Data log Christmas sensation Steven Howard Stark.” His father raised his eyebrows in surprise. Not bad at all! "Mr Steven, I'm sorry I'm still in the middle of restarting all systems." Short pause. "Mr Stark, sir. I recommend recalibrating the system folder _topsecrettheytryiteveryyear_. The firewall shows weaknesses.” Steve beamed. And Tony wished you could kiss an A.I. ... Or at least pat it on the shoulder. Jarvis was the perfect co-dad!

Thor, who frowned listening, said “I have to try that with the restart. Jarvis! Lights off!” That worked, of course. There was no firewall for this. They sat in the dark and laughed. Thor called: "Ha!" "Jarvis. Lights on. “, Tony's orders of course always worked. Then he got up.

"One minute, boys, I'll be right back. And nobody lays a finger on my money!", he threatened playfully. "I swear, I'll take you to the orphanage. Or at least put you in jail.” They played Monopoly again. He gave Peter to Steve, who knew that when his dad gave the baby away it was like a knighthood, and he was very happy.

"Hello baby brother!" He cooed. Peter made "Blubb" or something like that and waved his arms towards Steve's nose. Tony smiled happily at the two and quickly ran to the workshop.

"Jarvis! Start test run 4.2 for _Modern Shakespeare_. Check speech recognition module for accents, 40 runs, create protocol. Integrate the BARF dataframe into the mainframe and carry out a compatibility check. Note down any bugs and correct them immediately if necessary. "

"Start test run 4.2 for _Modern Shakespeare_ , sir."

"Jarvis, you just outdid yourself. But I 've always known what you were capable of. I created you, after all.“ „I'm always overwhelmed by your modesty, Mr. Stark.” Tony laughed at that. "Mr Stark, sir. I recommend promptly reviewing dataframe _Santa's Secrets_ security system. I had to take note of a serious attack by Mr Loki.” Tony was always surprised at how much humor his A.I. Transported.

"Yes ..." he sighed. "I noticed." Then, enthusiastic and full of pride: "Isn't the boy a stunner?" „He indeed is, Sir. After all, just like me, _you_ made him.” Now Tony roard out loudly with laughter. What a wonderful day! The best since he tried to be a super daddy at home, or daddy _supreme_. Maybe he handled it better than he'd ever thought. He couldn't wait to tell Pepper everything.

*

Steve sent Bucky a dozen pictures of the magnificent tree.

He was sitting hand in hand with Nalu on the beach, swallowing uncomfortably around the sudden fat lump in his throat. "Have a look: Christmas in New York!" Nalu looked at the phone. "Steve's?" The suspicious look in the dark eyes gave Bucky a twinge of guilt. He quickly pressed his lips to Nalu's mouth. When he was alone, he had to cry. He missed Christmas in New York, he missed New York, he missed _Steve_! Bucky sent him a message:

_"Nice tree, looks quite billionaire-ish! How tall is it, three meters? "_

_"I guess 2.60. I have to show you a photo of one from my childhood if you want once you're back. Just for the mere comparison after you were yust stating that our tree is_ showy _. Then you'll gonna freak out!“_

_"You really have to do that! I can't wait!"_


	12. Final Spurt to Christmas

**Final spurt to Christmas**

Pepper was still at the office. It was already after 8 p.m. She had called Tony at half past six and briefly informed him that she was going to miss dinner. Tony sounded disappointed but on the other hand quite happy when he assured her of his regret.  _ B _ _astard_

Almost immediately she called herself a brat for this and felt a little ashamed. She knew that her husband was definitely not happy that she missed dinner. Christmas was coming and today the tree had been delivered and when they spoke on the phone they heard no baby cries, no bickering from Thor and Loki and no weird trumpet playing from Steve. At home everything seemed to go like clockwork. She wanted to be happy for Tony. But one could say a lot about her. That she was a saint was definitely the last thing thet came to mind ...

She suddenly went green with envy. How could she have to agree into this? She could now be sitting at the dinner table with her sons in Tony's place. Holding a satisfied cute baby in her arms while reassuring her sons how much she regretted her hard-working husband. She was really unfair, she knew that. But without Tony, working at Stark Industries wasn't just a difficult Herculean task. Without Tony it was way much less fun, too. She sighed heavily.

Stark Industries was a madhouse during Christmas. The entertainment industry products, with which the company made three-digit million sales, then always sold in dizzying numbers and orders, repeat orders, complaints and new urgent inquiries were fluttering onto Pepper's desk almost every second.

In the past few years, Tony had come upstairs from his workshop to the top floor to handle the amounts and amounts of work with his wife. Now he was sitting comfortably around his house, probably getting a fat butt (which she did not hope for) and: He would also demand her full attention afterwards to tell her long stories about how much Peter had drunk, how much he had slept, how often he had laughed at his father and how cute and great Peter was and to top it all off: detailed descriptions of the nature of his diaper contents. Had she been as crazy as Tony when the three older had been babies? Certainly not – of that, she was convinced. (Yes, she was, all parents are like that with their babies.)

"Pep! My poor darling. Was bad today, wasn't it?” Tony was in a good mood when his wife finally came home around 9.45. The boys were in their rooms, Peter was sleeping in the cradle and Tony had lovingly set the table in the kitchen for her, with the rest of the dinner, wine and candles.

"I would have picked flowers for you, but you know, December and that ..." Tony took off her coat, hung it up, bustled with energy around her and kept chattering. He was drinving her crazy. Her nerves were tense, her head aching, and Tony's cheerfulness was just taking away the last bit of composure that she still had.

"Tony, heavens, please!" She called desperately. Tony blinked. "Do you always talk that much? Why didn't I notice that years ago?” Tony opened his mouth to make a joke, but ...“I could have spared myself from so much!” Pepper added unkindly. Tony closed his mouth. The silence that followed hung heavily in the room.

Tony wanted to say a thousand things, but he said nothing. He was really hurt. Pepper tried a lame joke - she had a very bad conscience: "Jarvis! Shut down Mr Stark and restart.” The A.I. was at a loss for a few seconds for the first time in ages. Then:

"Mrs Stark, system check required, start update in 5 ... 4 ...", Jarvis tried at least, but Tony interrupted him. "Jarvis! Sleep mode.” The A.I. immediately fell silent.

"Wow," Tony said softly. "You _can_ be mean." With that he went out of the kitchen. Pepper's eyes filled with tears. She was a monster! She hastily wolfed down her dinner past the lump in her throat that was suddenly there - she almost died of hunger and a Tony in the condition she had just put him in could not be faced with an empty stomach.

Pepper found her husband in the workshop. He aggressively screwed on a glove for VR.

"Darling ..." she started weakly. "Pep!" Tony interrupted heatedly. "You know, I could also have spared myself a lot some years ago ..." Pepper swallowed. It wasn't his words that troubled her so much. It was his look. That look that said 'IknowIcanbeapainintheassbutWHATTHEFUCK?' Tony stopped. "Where's Peter?" He asked a little panicked. That got Pepper's temper up again.

"Where's he supposed to be now?" She exclaimed angrily. "A baby Peter’s age isn't probably somewhere else than where you put it a short time later ." For Tony, everything was just about the baby. Pepper would have rather died than admitting that she was jealous. What kind of monster mother was she? Tony rushed past her and ran straight back to the kitchen where the cradle was still standing. With Peter. Sleeping peacefully. Pepper was right. That just annoyed Tony again. She was right so often! Only with a lot of effort did he stop himself from startling his baby out of sleep and holding him close.

"I'm sorry I'm jealous of Peter. So sorry and I'm ashamed of it.” Pepper had appeared in the kitchen door and instinctively said just the right thing. It was nonsense to hide that fact. Why should she have secrets from Tony? If she was honest with him, things usually settled the fastest and best. After all, her husband was a genius. And when he knew the facts, he (almost) always knew a solution.

Tony turned slowly and looked at his wife coolly for a while. She felt like shrinking. At moments like this, she always realized why Tony's short height had never prevented him from gaining respect. She deserved that now, she knew that. But:

"Pep." His sudden smile was genuine and she immediately relaxed. “Peter is the sun, the moon and lots of stars for me. I don't deny that. That may seem foppish to you. I don't care.” Tony was also 100% honest when it came down to it. "But what should I say? You gave him to me.” And - finally - he came to her and hugged her.

"Thank you .." he whispered. "Thanks for Peter." Pepper clung to Tony in relief and whispered, "Thank you, too. Thank you for bearing me. I'm a  _beast_ . ”, The last word she emphasized very flirtatiously. Pepper clearly expected a contradiction or flattery. Tony hadn't even the slightest intention to. "Yes," he replied. "How could I sign this marriage contract back then? I can't get rid of you in my whole life!” There was no marriage contract at all. Pepper laughed in relief. "You are  _hideous_ , Anthony Edward Stark."

"I know. And that's why we are such a good match, you _beast_! “, he grinned.

Pepper was totally exhausted and her eyes fell close when her head touched the pillow. Tony was a little disappointed - make-up sex usually was actually pretty good, but he still had work to do. He pushed the cradle into the workshop.

"Jarvis!"

"Update completed, Mr. Stark. System check revealed ...

"She's sleeping, buddy," Tony interrupted the A.I. After a short break:

"Test run 4.2 for _Modern Shakespeare_ completed. Speech recognition module checked for accents, 39 out of 40 runs error-free, protocol created. BARF data frame integrated in mainframe, compatibility check successfully carried out. Bugs found: negative. Protocol to ... "

"What about the accents?" His boss interrupted Jarvis impatiently. He frowned. With this accursed Shakespeare program, he'd found it a hard nut to crack for ages now.

"Incomplete database for Old English." Old English? "Starkpad1 onto main screen!" The hologram touchscreen built up in front of Tony. "Goto Shakespeare Institute Stratford-Upon-Avon!" He ordered. Tony selected a more specific selection from the search results,using the audio file icon and was given a stately media library, which also contained countless files that introduced the old English language. _I am the best!_ he thought. Loudly, after clicking his tongue, he said, "Was it _that_ hard?"

"Sir! In my defense: An extensive system check has been running in the last half hour and the update ... " "A system check was completely unnecessary and you know that, not to mention an update!" Short pause, then:

"Sorry Mr. Stark. It seemed incorrect to me to give Mrs Stark incorrect information.” Tony started and then had to laugh out loud. Jarvis didn't dare to lie to Pepper either!

"Good job, Jarvis. Repeat test run 4.2 for _Modern Shakespeare_. Check the speech recognition module for Old English. "

"Start test run."

Tony looked at his wristwatch, a worn Piaget model from the previous year. Tony's watches always looked pretty worn out after a relatively short time, his work in the workshop always spewed out a lot of sparks. Few minutes to eleven. Peter would wake up for his night meal in about three hours. He sat down at the main computer and opened the Stark Industries intranet. He got an overview for half an hour, then started to work.

"test run 4,2 _Modern Shakes_ ..." "Did it work?" Tony cut short. "Positive, sir." Yay! “ _Modern Shakespeare_ is running flawlessly. Excellent job, Mr Stark.” Peter started to move in the cradle. "Very good, Jarvis. Check beta version of _desperatebutsexyhouseman_ and complete as specified.“ „Start testing _desperatebutsexyhouseman._ "

"Hey Pete!" Tony whispered to his blinking baby. He was tired, it was almost two-thirty after all. But he had accomplished and finished so much today ... The argument with Pepper faded into the background. It had been a fantastic day! And when his baby smiled at him so incomparably ... The smile that Peter only gave to his father, the personified basic trust, it made Tony's heart clench again with love. Like every time.  _I don't deserve you, Underoos, nobody does that ..._ he thought.

All the Stark men, big, small and tiny, were already gathered around the breakfast table when Pepper rushed excitedly into the kitchen. "Tony!" She gasped, her StarkPad in hand. Oh yes, _that_ , he thought. Peter had already had his bottle and was chuckling and bubbling in Tony's arm. His father made a soothing gesture towards his boys and took his wife's elbow to push her out of the kitchen.

"Tony!" Pepper protested. "Trust me," was his answer. He kicked the door shut behind him. "Good morning, _beast_." Tony used her surprise to kiss her. "Tony ...", she was a little breathless afterwards. "Pete, angel, wish your Mommy a good morning!" He held the baby higher. "Glah," was Peter's comment. Tony laughed. "Yes, I would have said that, too."

" _Tony!_ " Pepper called, a little hysterical now. She really couldn't use the eccentricity typical of her husband at this moment "That's important, stop fooling around," she said sternly. "Fooling around?" Tony raised his eyebrows, "and then I thought you still had a guilty conscience because you just treated me badly yesterday. No! You didn't give me a good night kiss, either.” She looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

"Anthony Edwar ..." "I know how that goes on, honey," he laughed. "You are impossible, Tony! Now listen to me ..." "Impossible? I've known you are just as crazy about me as when we first ..." "TONY!" Pepper seemed close to tears, her cheeks were very red and her hair was already coming out of the office hairdo at quarter to eight in the morning. Okay, enough, he thought. He really paid her back a little that she had attacked him so unfairly the day before. He was  _really_ hideous. But she was also really a  _beast_ .

"Pepper, darling." He spoke comfortingly and took her hand. "I know about the security threat to countless file folders at Stark Industries. However, I had hoped that my traces would not have been left as obvious. Well, it was late last night.” Pepper blinked in surprise.

"That was you?" She breathed incredulously. "Now don't get angry," he looked at her pleadingly. "I was still in the workshop because of ... you know." "Christmas," she said tonelessly. "Yes. And then I had to wait for a calculation and surfed a bit on the intranet.“ „Tony, that doesn't work,” she said sternly. He rolled his eyes. "Why do you actually know me so well? I hate that!“ „You don't…”, she laughed softly. That was true.

"Pep. It is Peter's first Christmas. I want it to be perfect. For all of us. You're working so hard, I had the time and I only lend you …" "You didn't just lend me a helping hand.", she sensed that he wanted to understate now. Her fingers flew over the StarkPad. "Tony ..." she said slowly. "You solved about 99 of my 100 problems!" She looked at him blankly.

"Are you mad?" He asked nervously. " _Mad_ ?" Pepper huffed incredulously. "Well, because I act the hero here and that, even though I know that you can do everything quite well without me, you're the incomparable Pepper Potts after all and ..." He didn't get anywhere. Pepper pressed her lips to his mouth and held his face very tightly so that he couldn't get off so easily. Peter struggled, he was a little constricted. But he wasn't crying yet and the kiss became more passionate ...

"Urgh. That _again_? ”Tony and Pepper parted. Loki was standing in front of them. "You are _really_ cringy ..." His parents refrained from laughing. "Sorry, buddy." "I'm sorry, Loki," they answered at the same time. "Your breakfast is getting cold, mother," the boy said with a dignity that his parents got to straighten their backs. "Thank you my darling. I'm really hungry,“, Pepper said kindly. "Are you guys ready?" Tony asked, just about to look at his watch. Loki said in disgust: "Oh, _you_ just forgot the time?", The boy agitated theatrically. "We have to go in five minutes."

Loki's sarcasm occasionally frightened his parents a little.

*

Tony had slept on the sofa with Peter for an hour when Jarvis woke him up.

"Incoming call from Natasha Romanov, sir." Tony blinked in surprise. "On StarkPhone1?" "Correct." That could only mean ... "Accept and on speakers, Jarvis."

"Miss Romanov, what can I do for you?" He asked exaggeratedly friendly. "Hello Tony! How did you figure out that you should do something for me?” Natasha answered. "Just wanted to ask how you are with all the Christmas stress. And how's the cute little one doing?” Tony grinned. She wanted something. And she was really desperate. That's why she was so sweet with him. He also was one to play ...

"How nice! I actually have the time to chat a little.” He'd bet he could literally hear her eyes rolling. "Peter takes a nap and you can't imagine how cute he's looking right now. Wait, I'll send you a picture!“ „Tony ...“ „Right away!", He took a picture of Peter on his stomach. "Oh, nothing came of it. Wait, I'll try again ... Ah, better!” He pressed send and listened to Natasha contentedly as she praised the picture. She had to bear that now, he thought.

"And, everything cool with you, Tony? No last minute shopping like the rest of the world?“ „Everything's fine. My presents are almost finished and very much on point.“ „What did you get for Pepper?“ „You won't find out anything from me,” he grinned. "I am looking forward to the general admiration when my family shows off their wonderful gifts at the party on Monday ... Oh, Nat! Take a look at my tree!“ „Tony, I ...“ „Wait, I just have it." The picture of the tree did not get the same enthusiasm as Peter. Understandable, firstly because Peter is incomparable and secondly because Natasha knew what was most flattering to him.

"And speaking of the party, ...", he jumped to the next topic. “If you don't wear a Christmas sweater, you'll get one from me. I put a lot of effort into designing yours. Your Russian home country gets attention in it.” “If you'd put Adidas stripes on the sides as if I was such an internet slav brainless jerk from the idiotic memes, I will kill you. “, she spat. That sounded very much like Natasha again. She would not play along for a long time anymore now.

"Oh and Nat, just be so kind and send me the recipe for the punch you brought last year. For Mrs. Watson. She was enthusiastic about the leftovers and would like to make it for her family.“ „Yes, I do ... ", she said impatiently, "Tony! I ...“ „Are Wanda and Pietro already at home? They're sure to be happy to escape the college stress for a few days. ”

"TONY!" Okay, she noticed it now. "Man, you talk a lot," she said again at normal volume. "I hear that often." "And rightly so. Do you like listening to yourself or where does that come from?“ „Hmmm, to be honest .. ” he smiled. Nat cut him off. "Tony, I have a problem." Her tone had changed. It sounded very serious now and really a little bit desperate. Tony sat up and moved Peter to his lap. "Shoot it." Like that their friendship simply was. They were like dogs and cats most of the time, but if one of them needed help, the other one was there for them.

"It's about my Christmas present for Bruce. I know that he definitely wants this one thing. It's a piece of equipment for the laboratory.” “The Neubauer counting chamber.” “You know about it?” “Yes, Bruce told me. In Germany, at the Max Planck Institute, they developed this new counting chamber for cells. It's 100 times more accurate than the model Bruce has in his lab.” “I know. And the damn thing is nowhere to be got.” “What have you tried?” “ _Not_ Amazon” “Nat ... ", he said warningly. It meant  _be nice if you want me to help you_ .

"Sorry Tony ..." she said sheepishly. "I thought it would be easier. They only sell it to certified institutions, those dipshits in Germany said. Darn Nazis.” Tony grinned. "Then I did a little research, wrote to a few old acquaintances, the usual." Tony grunted in agreement. In Natasha's large Russian circle of relatives there were certainly a few candidates for this kind of a job.

"I was so happy because I thought I finally found something for Bruce. Even something that he can't buy himself because he - well, you know ...“ „...is so damned decent and doesn't get involved with any fishy stuff?“ „Something like that.“ „ And that brings you to me." "Oh, come on, Tony. We both know you're not an angel or a saint and just take liberties with things like that. Otherwise you wouldn't be so insolently rich, would you?“ „And?“ „Yes, yes, I know. You are also a fucking genius.“ „Yes.“ „Then help me now, you genius." She went silent for a moment. "Please," she added then. "Well, that's it, my good girl," he answered contentedly. He had already opened the StarkPad on the corresponding page of the German laboratory equipment manufacturer and whistled softly.

"$ 23,000. But shipping is free, even with FedEx-express, fully insured.  _Yay!_ ” he quipped. "But you don't want me to steal this thing for you, do you?" He asked somewhat suspiciously. "Don't be ridiculous," Natasha hissed. "I saved up for a rainy day, a small inheritance a few years ago. Wanda and Pietro have their own funds, so I can spend mine.” “Nat, I have to make a few phone calls. Get all flattering, demanding favors, you know that. I'll call you back later.” “Well, I'll hear from you then.”

But it was time for Peter's bottle first of all.

"Mr Stark. Beta verification _desperatebutsexyhouseman_ completed. Protocol: flawless.” Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Completion interrupted, sir." „Why?"

"I don't have a Dataframe _hottie_ file for Level 17, sir." That means he had to record and edit a video. But he had promised Natasha his help, so he switched on his business version first and went on about getting her the coveted counting chamber. An hour later and at a much higher price than officially, the treasury item was on its way to Natasha's ballet school. She didn't need to know how much he had paid, he thought.

"Jarvis, call Miss Romanov." She was on after the second ring. "Tony? Now don't tell me that I don't have to call you a genius at least from now on, even if Christmas is down the drain for me“ He shook his head good-naturedly about the snippish friend. "Natasha, Natasha, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, don't you know?" "And even more with shit.", she responded dryly. Tony laughed. "And after all: the last time all my honey was wasted on you." Of course that was true. "Do I have to keep calling you a genius?" She asked anxiously. "After all, I _am_ one, so yes." She exhaled audibly.

"I can see in the delivery confirmation that the package will arrive at your school tomorrow at around 6 p.m." "Thank you, Tony. Really, a thousand thanks. If I didn't have you ...” “Hold your breath, Natasha, that's what friends are for and now quickly back to your old self, I'm getting scared! By the way, I recommend that you're buying a large amount of wrapping paper.” With a grin, he enjoyed the long pause. Natasha was not often speechless.

"Stark! What does that mean, a lot of paper?“ She finally asked suspiciously. "Surely you got aware of the dimensions of the Neubauer counter chamber. On the ordering page from Siemens, I mean.“ „I didn't pay attention to that. Tony, the damn thing's counting cells and those are tiny!“ „The _thing_ is counting cells from several hundred experiments at the same time and is a little bigger than my fridge." The fridge of the big Stark family was huge. "Oh, sorry, I have to hang up. Peter is waking up. We'll stay in touch!“ „Yeah, see you then,”, Natasha replied lamely.

"Jarvis! I need a video for level 17 of  _desperatebutsexyhouseman_ . Do you have anything in stock I'm not thinking about?” “Your conversation with Miss Romanov has potential, sir.” Tony frowned. "How's that?" “You help an old friend with a problem. This friend is always up to making you mad. You often lose out because your mother and Mrs. Stark brought you up so well. The way you put Miss Romanov a little nasty surprise in your Samaritan work is exactly the kind of humor that Mrs. Stark appreciates about you, sir.” Tony considered for a moment. "I'll have a look after lunch." After lunch and walking with Peter, Tony sent Natasha another message.

" _I changed the delivery address. I'll store the item for you until after the holidays. My 3D printer here is making a manageable copy true to the original for you. It also is fitting under the Christmas tree. Merry Christmas._ "

" _That was a lot of fun, wasn't it?_ "

" _Naturally._ "

" _Typical. And thank you. Nevertheless._ "

" _AND? Come on, you want to say it!_ "

" _That's what you're wishing for, but because Christmas is coming soon: you're a genius!_ "

Then he got a look at the recording of the phone call and had to admit that Jarvis was right. He got away well in the video. He called BARF into the user's operating system of the mainframe and programmed a funny short sequence of how the petite Russian wrapping up a huge refrigerator in meters of wrapping paper and editedt all the material together. _Not bad!_ he thought.

He checked his watch. _Oh my, that thing really doesn't look good anymore!_ "Jarvis! Call Mrs Stark.“

"Tony! I don't want to hear anything about Peter's diapers now…” “Pep, do you need any help?”, He interrupted. She didn't sound good at all. "I'm sorry, Tony. Here it's going haywire. Did something happen? Are you all right with the kids?” she asked dutifully. "The big ones are not there yet, Peter is lying next to me and admires his mobile with the planets. And his crap looked normal to me by the way.“, he added smugly.

"Darling ..." his wife sighed miserably. "I'm sorry, really! Can you imagine that idiot, McPhearson from the shipping department, you know the guy, accidentally swapped the sender with the addressee on 130 shipping labels. The FedEx driver was currently in the postal department with 130 Stark Industries deliveries. I don't survive that.“ „Yes. You do. You do every year”, he replied. "But not without you ...", she had slipped out. "Pepper, darling. You are the most competent, qualified and talented person I know. Trust me, I know that. I'm a genius!” She laughed shakingy.

"Tony ... I imagined it easier," she admitted. "Me too, darling," was his answer. "Send me everything on Home Main Board." She hesitated, then: "Honey, we discussed that. We agreed: properly or not at all.” Tony knew that, but Christmas was in three days and Pepper was under stress that she surely could handle, but that would just as surely set her in a state of hysteria and fits.

"Come on, Pep." The long pause irritated Tony. "Pepper?" "I'm still here" she said. "And?" "All right. I'll send you a few folders. But if the boys or Peter need you, stop working on them immediately, swear it!” Tony grinned with satisfaction. "I swear." "Honey?" Pepper continued. "Hmm?" "Did you have lunch?" Pepper's mother instinct set in. "Oh, yes, pizza, cheeseburgers, and ice cream!" He teased. Pepper laughed:

"You're impossible!" "I know." "I'm trying to be home at eight, are you waiting for me with dinner? If I can't make it, I'll let you know in good time.“ „Dinner at eight. Date's set.” Tony tapped the StarkPad and then grinned. "Look at your calendar!" "Oh my...", after a pause. "Seriously?" She found a new entry on her calendar it said: 10.30pm:

_myhusbandneedslovebecauseicanbeabeastandhessimplythebest_

„You are married to _me_ , what are you expecting, darling?" "A nice little marital interaction at 10.30pm?", was her quick response. "Not _that_ little," Tony responded acting offended.


	13. Christmas Eve

**Christmas Eve**

Tony's family always had their Christmas family celebration on December the 24th according to Northern Italian custom. After a feast there were all of the presents and after a long evening, everyone was allowed to stay up as long as they wanted, everyone slept in on Christmas morning. He and Pepper had always found it so much more practical than the American way, where the children lumbered into their parents' bedroom at five on Christmas morning.

The caterer was ordered for 5 p.m., there would be plenty of goodies. Something he particularly loved to eat for everyone. Pepper wasn't a great cook and Tony very early showed being a total disaster in the kitchen. So the family spent a cozy, stress-free day and they reduced the anticipation with tobogganing, Christmas movies and board games. Pepper and Tony had worked hard and had finished everything in the evening on December the 23rd. Stark Industries now was closed.

Tony gave everyone a lump bundle just before dinner and sent his family to change. Each was allowed to wear something comfortable, but the Christmas sweater was a must. When they gathered again, they burst out with laughter. Everyone was looking really horrible. Pepper's sweater was glittering in pink and baby blue like one of those unicorn cuddly toys that all four-year-old girls currently owned. The kitschy motif was a scene from Disney's latest Christmas muzzle. The snowman looked a little like he was on LSD.

Steve's sweater was adorned with a white, also glittering big star on the blue chest. Broad red and white stripes all around followed the American theme. Thor's brightly colored sweater was covered all over with Santas playing rock instruments. The instruments were glittering aggressively. Loki's emerald green shiny pullover looked good with his dark curls and pale skin. The jet black silhouette of a chubby angel on his chest looked a little threatening in how he played the harp, probably because he was so dark. For Peter, his father had followed red and blue. There was of course not much space for motifs on the tiny item. It was simply embroidered with glittering stars.

Tony had chosen red and gold for himself this year. Jarvis had _praised_ the finished work of art with the words: "Amazing, sir, you are so discreet otherwise." The golden parts on the shoulders and arms made him look as if he was wearing some kind of kitschy armor. But the icing on the cake was the Christmas ornament on the chest. A gold bow adorned it and there even was a plexiglass pane in place and the terrible thing was lit with LEDs. The color changed from white to blue every now and then.

They feasted and chatted and joked until no one was able to get in another crumb anymore. All the crackers had been pulled open and everyone was wearing a silly elf hat or reindeer horn. Except for Tony. You won't see him these days without his Santa hat. The excitement among the boys grew immeasurably and when they moved from the dining table to the living area and everyone took place next to the tree, Pepper pulled the serving cart with the champagne for herself and Tony, the boys got soda and lemonade. Everyone wished each other a Merry Christmas.

"Jarvis! Start tombola. And Merry Christmas to you by the way.“ „Thank you, sir. Merry Christmas to you and the whole family.“ „Merry Christmas, Jarvis!” Everyone called in unison. "Starting tombola." After a few seconds of jingling bells, Jarvis issued the names of the first couple to give presents to each other this evening:

"Mrs. Stark and Mr. Steven."

Pepper and her eldest fished for the parcels under the tree. Steve had bought a silk scarf in her favorite color for his mother, icy blue. She immediately put it on and let Tony take her picture. "Very nice, Steve!" she called, then gave him his present. It was an envelope. The boy curiously unfolded the papers in it. "Mom!" he beamed at her when he'd finished reading. Pepper would go to Washington with him in the first week of January so he could be following the congressional debate on this year's budget live. She and Tony were convinced that the boy would become a politician someday. Steve and his mom hugged.

"Mr Stark and Mr Peter."

"Oh! Seems I won’t get a present for now. ”, he pouted playfully, lifting the baby up to his face and smiled. "You are already my best gift. Merry Christmas, baby boy.” Peter smiled back and produced some baby bubbles. Pepper was allowed to unwrap the parcel. A plush doll of that comic hero Tony loved as a kid, Spiderboy. She started. Everyone was surprised, they had expected more from Tony for Peter. He grinned knowingly. Tony knew exactly what everyone was thinking.

"Jarvis! Start Spider-Man!“ Oh yes, Spider- _Man_ , Pepper remembered. The doll played music, then a recording of Tony singing Back in Black for Peter. The baby responded immediately, searching for the source of the song and looking a little confused, probably because the source was not his father. "But the best thing is … all of you, be quiet for a moment, please: ...", then he raised the doll to everyone's ear. It was the sound of a beating heart, calm and even. Finally, Peter got the doll to his ear. He made big eyes and then looked very relaxed.

"I packed more in there, everything controllable by StarkPhone1 and 2 and of course by Jarvis. As Peter gets older, you can always unlock new levels. And you can all record something for him too.“ “Also with the drums?”, Thor exclaimed enthusiastically. "A volume control is programmed, so yes." "Cool, pop! Did you all also think Pop just gave Pete a colorful doll?”, He looked around. "... I didn't want to believe it!" "It's great, darling.", Pepper kissed him on the temple.

"Mr. Thor and Mr. Loki."

Thor gave his little brother a self-made Lego box set with parts from all of his own box sets: "Crazy scientist in the laboratory" and Loki gave Thor drumsticks in a beautiful custom made case. The sticks were from the fan shop of Thor's favorite band,  _Anti-Flag_ , which propagated anarchy and anti-Americanism with their songs. Steve hated this band. Tony and Pepper had checked the lyrics and attitudes of the progressive group and thought them to be harmless. Both boys were happy with their gifts.

"Mrs. Stark and Mr. Loki."

Loki had designed a theater mask for his mother, created it with the 3D printer and painted it. It was a little creepy but made very artistically. The dominant colors were emerald, gold and black and long curved horns adorned the mask. "I'm speechless. What a job you have done, darling!” She hugged the boy tightly. "Now look at what I have got for you!" Loki also got an envelope. Theater tickets for a celebrated production of Hamlet, Loki's favorite piece, which has been sold out for weeks. Pepper would attend a special screening with him on January the 1st. The director, a bright star in the New York theater sky, would give a book signing. Loki flinged his arms around his mother's neck.

"Mr Steve and Mr Loki."

"Jarvis, did I annoy you with something or why have you apparently taken me out of the tombola?" Tony called in between. "Maybe you haven't been well-behaved, Dad!" Steve laughed. "Watch out, junior!" His father threatened jokingly. "I can still exchange your present. I'm sure I have some coals lying around somewhere in the garage.”

"Sorry, Mr. Stark. The tombola is based on pure chance. "

Steve and Loki already held out the gifts for one another. Tony sighed dramatically and gestured encouragingly at the two. Peter was lying on the carpet next to him, the doll with the heartbeat of his daddy close to his ear. He was sleeping peacefully. Tony smiled at him in love. Pepper poured more champagne into her and her husband's glasses and all attention was now focused on the current tombola pair.

Both had a book for the brother. Steve gave Loki a precious, beautifully designed edition of Nordic Mythology, and Loki had carefully used his calligraphy skills for the cover page for a new edition of the American Constitution. "Wow!", both said almost simultaneously and immediately put their noses into their new books. Thor took Loki's away, he was the one next to him. “You can continue reading later. You too, Steve! I want more presents!“ The two of them bravely put their books aside.

"Mr Stark and Mr Thor"

"Finally," Tony sighed. Thor looked expectantly at him. But Tony raised his palms up, "Where's my present, Sunny?" Thor handed his father a sloppy wrapped soft package. Thor just couldn't wrap presents for dear life. But he could _decide_ for really good ones. Tony got a vintage Black Sabbath shirt from the 1997 Ozzfest Tour, which he's still raveing over today. Thor, who was a rock music enthusiast himself, was the only one who had listened to him.

"That's ... boy, that's overwhelming! Have I already told you how Rhodey and I cockily sneaked into the after-show party in Birmingham back then ...“ “You've _had_ already told, father.“, Loki interrupted, “at least I think so.” Pepper giggled. The champagne was already turning her cheeks red. She looked lovely. "I won't be able to testify to that either because I don't listen to your band stories, but I'm sure Loki is right. There's definitely no Black Sabbath story you haven't told yet." „Mrs Stark, you're pretty cheeky tonight. Looks like somebody doesn't want a present.“ „You're getting yourself more miserable than me with this“, his wife winked.

She was right, Tony just _loved_ to give out presents! "Pop! You can tell me the story again right away, but can I have my present now?” His father took out one of the three parcels of identical dimensions from under the tree. It was wrapped up in silver paper. Thor tore the wrapping off impatiently and lifted the lid of the mysterious box. A drum kit was printed on it. Thor took out VR glasses, earplugs, and matching VR gloves. Everything was light as a feather, looked comfortable and pretty cool. At the bottom of the box there were drumsticks, covered with a matt black alloy.

"Put it all on!" Said Tony pushily. Thor put on the VR glasses and got in the earplugs and slipped on the gloves.

"Welcome to rock band simulator _Thunderdome_ , Mr Thor." "Waaah!" The boy called out enthusiastically. "Get up the volume for us!" Steve demanded. "Speakers?" Thor asked doubtfully. "Speakers now switched on." That came from small round plates on the gloves. Now everyone could listen. "You're missing something, Sunny," said Tony, getting up and pulling out an elongated box from behind the tree. He opened it and placed it in front of Thor. They were electronic drum pads in Thor's preferred arrangement. The boy took the sticks and did a trial run. The cymbal that sounded from the speakers sounded one-to-one like a real drum cymbal. Peter flinched and Tony quickly pulled the blanket tighter around his head.

"Menu?" Thor had been asked to open the menu in the glasses. "Now choose your accompanist." Thor had the choice of the best rock musicians in history. Slowly he pulled the glasses off his face. An overjoyed smile made his pretty features even brighter. Thor was a really handsome kid. "Pop! I hardly believe that! That has to be some freakishly great dream!“ Tony quickly brought his glass to safety and inconspicuously slid between his exuberant son who pounced on him and Peter, who was slowly waking up to the general excitement.

"Thank you Pops, you're the best," Thor whispered in his arms. Tony looked at Pepper over his golden-blonde head. His raised eyebrows silently asked "Well?" And his wife nodded, smiling. That meant something like “Thor is right.” Thor cleared everything up, he would have all evening to try out his present and explore further into it. Now he gave way fairly to the next tombola pair.

"Mr Steven and Mr Peter"

Pepper and Tony had told their sons not to buy anything special for Peter, just a little thing, symbolically. After all, he was only a tiny baby. They soon found out that none of the boys had followed their advice. Steve had a precious hand-sewn little plush lamb for him from a very expensive and well-known toy company.

Thor, who came next, a tiny football made of red and blue leather. Thor played football - English football. There was a note on it: "Each year I'll give a bigger one to you until I can teach you, baby brother!"

Loki had a lot of free time for his own projects in his chemistry gifted club. Dr Strange focused on research and creativity rather than curriculum. The boy had managed to concoct an alkali-free substance, completely non-toxic and odorless of course, with which you could make the best soap bubbles. They didn't burst for a realy long time. He had filled it into a clever little device that could be screwed onto the cradle and regularly ejected a few bubbles.

Pepper and Tony were speechless. They knew that their sons were inherently as generous as their father. Nevertheless, they were very happy and proud as a Punch. How much the three of them  _loved_ Peter!

"Mr Stark and Mrs Stark"

"Now they're smooching again ...", Loki sighed. Pepper giggled. "Hey, Puck! It's Christmas and I'm gonny kiss my wife as often as I want.“ With that, Tony leaned over to her.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Stark," he whispered. "Thank you sir, the same for you, Mr. Stark." Out of respect for his sons, he actually wanted to the kiss to be short and innocent, but Pepper obviously had other ideas. She wrapped her arms around his neck and half pulled him over herself. He freed himself with gentle force before loud protests were going to break out and decided to put the champagne out of her reach for a while.

Both of them pulled out pretty small parcels from under the tree. Jewelry maybe? How boring, the boys thought. But adults were just like that. Tony unwrapped his first. It was the latest Piaget model in his preferred size. He worked a lot with his hands and they were actually always scarred, callused and very sinewy and muscular. Only really big watches looked good on him. Pepper took his left hand, took off the scarred old watch and put on the new one. She gently stroked his knuckles and his pulse on his wrist and admired the effect. Looked good. She loved his hands of a mechanic's.

"Great, Pepper! But everyone knows what a good taste you've got. Hopefully you won't be too sad when it gets rubbed up again in a few weeks, my darling.“ „Well, there's a solution to this.“ She pulled out the same box from under the Christmas tree. "I bought you two of them.", She unpacked the second watch. "Look!" He looked at the engraving. _My mechanic_. "You can wear that one at work." Now Tony kissed her again. Before that, he called Loki: "Look away, Puck!" He briefly admired his new watch until Pepper poked him on the shoulder.

"And my present?" She looked expectantly at him. He said dismissively. "Oh, I haven't have much time, you know how it is with a baby. Speaking of babies. Peter! Come to your daddy.” He picked up the little one, who started clenching his fists and squirming a little. He would get hungry soon. "I got you something from _Cartier_. I know, not very original, but it _was_ expensive, I swear.” Pepper looked at the little parcel in her hand doubtfully, then at Tony, no less doubtfully. Actually everyone was looking at him, everyone more or less confused, dismayed, angry (that was Loki).

"Open up!" Pepper unwrapped the box. The Cartier logo was inlaid with gold leaf in the lid. She hated swanky jewelry, he knew that, but she wouldn't get upset in front of the children, she decided. There was a USB stick on the black velvet cushion in the box. "What the ...?", Of course she didn't finish _that_. Tony handed her her StarkPad, which he had prepared on purpose. She inserted the USB stick into the slot and the pad came to life.

"Welcome, Mrs. Stark. Experience a day of adventures in the lives of Tony and Peter Stark!“ Everyone was approaching. "Slip into the role of the hero from the changing table, the intrepid Tony Stark. Does he manage to prepare all baby bottles in time, to change all diapers without making a face? Will Peter sleep regularly and get some fresh air? You can help Tony Stark master a day full of uncertainties and surprises. Choose Tony Stark as your avatar.” An 8-bit version of Tony appeared on the display. It was very characteristically designed and immediately recognizable.

"Or choose Peter Stark!" A pixelated baby was added to the selection. "With Peter Stark as your avatar, you can make the hero's life more difficult. Wake up at unusual times at night. Activate weapons like flatulence. Keep the hero Tony Stark busy! Successfully played mini-games unlock rewards. Videos of the everyday life of the hero with the baby, little surprises. A teaser?” A short video was played. Tony was holding Peter in his arms and smiling at the camera.

"Hey Pep! Have I surprised you? I have not forgotten what you once told me. That you played 8-bit games with the nerdy boys from your math lectures all the time and at least you said you were good!” Video-Tony cocked his head. "Did you really think I would give you a lame necklace?" Steve and Thor laughed, Loki grinned broadly. Their father had played a pretty good little prank on his wife. Pepper dropped the StarkPad to the floor next to her and said to Tony:

"Be glad that you've got Peter in your arms right now, that was really ... you are so ... so ... you bad, _bad boy_ , Anthony Edward Stark." The sparkle in her eyes didn't mean trouble, though. _And_ it wasn't exactly innocent, too. "Help me, boys!" I hope they don't notice that, he thought. Pepper had just found her naughty side on the bottom of the champagne glass. "Your old dad will pay for it in one way or another. You're not angry when I briefly disappear with Peter, are you? He needs changing and I bring a baby bottle on the way back. I hurry up, I promise. "

Pepper followed him into the nursery shortly thereafter. "Oh, Tony …", she sighed and put her arms around his waist from behind as he changed Peter's diaper. "I'm sorry about the prank. I wanted to spare the boys - especially Loki - the kitsch.“ „I love you, Tony! ", her hand went down his front. He caught it. "Pep", he chided. She sighed. "Yeah, I've had too much." "I'll get you a Virgin Mary. With a lot of pepper, Miss pepper spray.” This salty, peppery drink usually got his wife sober in an instant.

"Go to the boys, I'm following soon." He turned to her. She looked at him dreamily. "I'll do  _that thing you love so much_ tonight, I promise ...", she winked seductively, "... another Christmas present." "The watches are already very pretty, honey," he quipped. “We take the rest of the champagne with us when everyone's going to sleep. Then you can have some again.” Tony continued. He gave her a goodbye pat on the butt and Pepper obediently toddled off.

"Pete, little angel, you haven't seen or heard anything of this," Tony conjured his baby. Peter looked serious and then made a face. Well, he _was_ getting really hungry ... _That thing I love so much_ , Tony thought. Then he put another bottle of champagne in the fridge just in case. For later...

"Mr Steve and Mr Thor."

Thor gave tin soldiers to his big brother. At first Steve was a bit irritated, but then he looked at the figurines and found out that they were hand-painted. Not very neatly, but with enthusiasm. There were uniforms from all eras of American history. "Thor! You put such a lot of effort into it! Thank you!"

Steve had a leather jacket for Thor. Scuffed and matte black and really cool. The boy was very happy and immediately put it on. "What do I look like?" Pepper called "Great, darling!", The Virgin Mary was slowly working. Tony looked at his son and thought that his boy once will take all hearts by storm. Why have I never noticed how literally handsome the boy is ... He said aloud: "You are a born rock star!"

"Mr Stark and Mr Loki."

"Daddy ... I don't have anything great ...", Loki looked ashamed, his voice was very quiet. _Daddy_? Tony took a deep breath. _Don't screw this up_ , Stark! He said to himself.

"Hey, Puck, Loki, you have a big family. You put so much effort into it! Mommy's gift is amazing! You thought so much about Steve, Thor and Peter, even though they're just your pesky brothers.“ Tony let a hand gently fall on his boy's shoulder. The rest of the family watched intently. Thor had even stopped eating cookies for a moment.

"What should I be given, seriously? I already have everything! I have your mother and you kids! And even if you all are a real pain in the ass sometimes ... I mean, seriously: Steve's trumpet, Thor's drums, your mother, who gives me two watches that I now have to look after and one baby (Peter suckeld at his bottle happily in Tony's arm) ... he deliberately omitted Loki from the list of his plagues ..

"Let me see. Can't be worse than Aunt Natasha's last gift (she had given him a really hideous pimp shirt for his 46th birthday, purple satin).

Loki had got two parcels. Tony found a t-shirt and a cup. Both adorned - albeit creatively and artistically - the words  _World's okayest dad_ . He pulled his son close and kissed his dark locks.

"Hey, Puck, I want an update next year!" He didn't try to gloss over the gift, Loki was too smart for that, he knew that. Loki smiled timidly and bit his lower lip: "Do I still get something?" "Loki Stark! How do you get the idea that I don't want to show off my present for you?” Everyone laughed. Tony had mastered the situation perfectly. The fact that Pepper was looking at him so hungry again made him nervous for a moment, but she actually seemed somewhat sober again

Loki tore the emerald green paper from the mysterious box. There was a closed theater curtain on the lid. Not surprising, there were VR glasses, gloves, and earplugs in the box. He eagerly put everything on.

"Welcome, Mr. Loki to Modern Shakespeare's stage simulator." The boy let out an excited breath. "Speakers on!" He breathed out loudly: "Menu.", Loki learned so quickly.

“Select the following options from the menu: Epoch; Style; Director; Author, category, or creative mode.” “What is it, pop?” Thor asked. "Sh! Theater simulation.” Tony hissed

"Creative mode." Loki's voice sounded excited. "Creative mode selected. Select the configuration of the setting.” The menu of Lokis Simulation was much more complicated than that of Thors. The little boy immediately found his way around. Tony smiled proudly. Loki was so smart! Loki made a few wiping movements with his gloved hands and then: "Setting Victorian time."

" _Jack, The Ripper_ ," Loki said firmly. Tony's eyes widened. What?

"Sorry, Mr. Loki. Dataframe _Jack, The Ripper_ still has to be put on.” Loki grimaced a little disappointed and pulled the glasses off his head. There was a rare fire in his eyes, the boy was usually bored serenity in person. Loki raised his head.

"Father, it's ... I can't find any words!" "Better than a t-shirt and a cup?" Tony tried his luck with the only child who - until now - had inherited his intellect and - admittedly - his sarcasm , they'll have to wait and see with Peter. After a long pause, Loki shyly hugged his dad's arm. "You'll get your update next week," the ten-year-old whispered. Loki kept his word. Nevertheless, Tony almost always used the cup he was given first. He loved it!

"Mrs Stark and Mr Thor"

Thor had put together a scrapbook for his mother. The title:  _Sh*t the Starks said_ . "Because you miss so much!" The boy had collected scenes from everyday life with Peter and Pop around the house, glued funny pictures and stickers into it and Pepper laughed at about the first few pages. Her second son had such a big heart beneath his loud and rough fassade. He gave great gifts!

Pepper gave a medium-sized parcel to him after her brief admiration of the scrapbook. Thor found the 3D printout of a snowmobile in it. A note was attached: _Not actual size_ "Is that for real ...?", He looked at his mother questioningly. "It's in the garage," she smiled. Thor let out a howl of joy and then nearly choked his mom in his embrace. He had always wanted one! Pepper had asked Tony to throttle the engine, at least for the time being. The wild boisterous boy and top speed, that would have been a bad combination.

"Mr Stark and Mr Steven," Jarvis announced the last raffle pair.

Steve had been looking at the parcel, which was identical in size to that of his brothers, again and again. He was really excited to see what he would find in his VR glasses. But first he dutifully handed his present to his dad.

In many older family photos, his father wore this old, washed-out blue-gray MIT sweatshirt. After irreparably burning it in the workshop, he had been really sad. Dad had told them all sorts of stories throughout dinner, where this sweatshirt had accompanied its owner to in its long life and that Uncle Rhodey had the same thing in burgundy, and closed with the words - theatrical as only Tony Stark could be:

“Part of my life went up in flames. Dum-E couldn't extuingish me in time ... "

Steve had searched for this sweater for a long time, sent pictures of it to all places in America and finally found it in the right size at a rather less known auction house. He ordered it and took it to a wash house. It looked like the twin of the sweatshirt in the pictures. Tony unwrapped it and was speechless for a moment. Apparently it had been washed a million times like his old shirt, it felt so soft and the washed-out shade, the faded lettering, as if it had never been gone.

"I have my sweatshirt again!" He called, pressing it to his chest. Steve was beaming with pride. His father punched him lightly on the upper arm. "Thank you, junior. And now take your present, you have had to wait long enough. "

"Welcome Mr. Steven to _Interactive Library of US History._ " Steve, who had seen his brothers do this, quickly selected the menu, then a submenu ( _Early Days: Colonization_ ), then a media file. Mayflower. The boy froze.

"Wooaah, I'm on a ship! I'm on THE Mayflower!” “Really? Show us!” Thor exclaimed enthusiastically. "You won't get your feet wet, Thor," Loki quipped. "But only because I haven't invented it yet," their father interjected. That was only partially true. BARF already had some 4D elements and Tony spent a lot of time improving the program. Steve surfed a little more in the 3D library.

“Here you can watch George Washington sign the American Declaration of Independence on July the 4, 1776. If you wish, Mr. Steven, you can even _be_ George Washington! ”Steve pulled his glasses off his face.

"Wow. Dad. You outdid yourself.” He wanted to hug his father, but hesitated. He thought he was already too old. "Do I get a hug now, George Washington?" The boy laughed and delivered.

*

It was late. Thor and Steve were playing a video game, Loki had fallen asleep on the carpet an hour ago. Tony carried him to his room, put him on his bed and peeled him out of the Christmas sweater. He half woke up from that. "Shht, go back to sleep, Puck." "G'night, daddy," it came back sleepily.

Pepper was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch, Tony's head in her lap. She played with his hair. Peter was lying on Tony's stomach. He would wake up soon and be hungry. But in that minute, Tony was just enjoying the moment. Pep had sneaked back to the champagne at some point. She would be the next one to carry to bed, that was certain. But first she was getting sentimental.

"Tony ..." his wife sighed. "You gave us sooo nice things. I don't deserve you at all.” “Yep. I know.”, He grinned at her. He couldn't help but fooling when she went fishing for compliments. She punched him, accidentally a little harder than normal. The champagne...

"Ouch! Now you hit me again.” Tony laughed. "You give me expensive things like all rich people give their toys, but this two-kilo watch already feels like a handcuff ..." "Stop it!", He received another blow, but it was at least a little more tender . "It's really beautiful, darling." He admired his wrist.

"I'm not creative at all. You all give such great things, the boys are just as inventive as you and well, and I ...“ „Yes, your pretty scarf from Steve is so original," he interrupted. "It's beautiful and it's in my favorite color, _world's okayest dad_!" "Touché." Tony sipped the eggnog out of his new mug, he actually really liked it.

Steve and Thor took off their VR-goggles and took out their earplugs. With theVR-glasses, of course, they had access to most of the home main board and had played a car race. The older boy stretched. "We're going to bed now!" "He just can't beat me!" Thor called. "I'm invincible!" "Come back down, Vettel. Or should we take another look at your winter grades sheet?” Thor shrugged. He didn't take such a trifle. Steve was obviously happy about the hidden praise. He was very proud of his good grades. They all wished each other a good night and Tony, realizing that Peter was waking up, scrambled to his feet and brought the baby to the kitchen.

With Peter alone, he leaned against the counter and spoke to him fondly while the milk warmed up. He told him everything he had missed in his sleep. The cute baby listened attentively to his father.

"So this is your first Christmas. Your old man will have to wear his thinkcap a whole lotta more often to make things as good as your brother's. I still have to really get to know you. Maybe you will come after me, then when you grow up I will give you your own workshop. Or you are like your mommy, then I have to buy you a company when you start school. "

Peter seemed to absorb every word he said. His eyes were wide open and he kept making those little sounds. Tony felt like they were having a real conversation. He hugged Peter happily and whispered in his neck folds:

"I promise I will do everything for you. _Everything_! You're supposed to be the happiest little boy in the world. I will protect you and shower you with my love and when I am 100 and look at you, you may ask me what you can do for me. And I won't think of anything because I just wanted you to be happy. "

He had to put his sweater sleeve to his eyes, everything was so blurry. Then the milk was ready and Peter seemed to kno that. He made smacking noises, opened his mouth and tried to suck on his father's nose. Tony laughed and gave him the bottle.

"Jarvis! Record of the last 15 minutes to _PBS College Protocol_. "

"Very well, Mr. Stark."

Tony found Pepper in bed with the StarkPad. She quickly got up to put Peter in the cradle with Tony, he was almost asleep again. They put his Spider-Man doll next to his face and watched him fall asleep, arms wrapped around each other.

"I'll be right back.", Pepper went to the bathroom. Their walk was a little uncertain. Well, he would put her to bed right away. When she got back to the bedroom, she was wearing a sheer fluttery shirt and looked at him mischievously. Also she really looked a bit drunk.

"Mr Stark ...", she came closer, pushed him onto the bed and was right above him. "I want you to take off all your things." She winked. "Except for the watch." Pep slid down on him and clumsily tried to undo the straps of his sweatpants. She somehow managed to tie an even tighter knot. Tony, who had watched her amused, gently pulled her hands away.

"Pep, come on, sleep a little. Christmas's just started. You can give me another present tomorrow.” She looked at him with that peculiar look, asking him with it, if he doesn't think she's sexy. "Honey ..." he sighed. "I think you  _are_ sexy, very much as." He pulled her next to him. "But it's more fun if you ... well, you're completely yourself." Pepper chewed on her lower lip.

"But I promised you the _thing_. The thing you love so much.” Tony grinned broadly. "Darling," he said dryly. "To be honest, I'm afraid you'll throw up in my lap." Pepper propped up and then had to laugh. He laughed with relief. "You know better again, Stark. But tomorrow you are due!“ „I don't want to miss it. ”

After a good night kiss, Pepper snuggled under her blanket and was fast asleep when her husband came out of the bathroom. Tony looked again into Peter's cradle, he did that a thousand times a day, just looking at his baby. "Mommy is already sleeping. Good night, baby! “, he whispered and then went to bed himself.

He almost burst with happiness. Peter's first Christmas had been perfect!

_*_

_"Merry Christmas, Bucky! What's it like in your swimming trunks under the Christmas tree? Are there at all any fir trees on Hawaii? And are you going to have a barbeque tomorrow? I got cool presents. How awesome is that: At the beginning of January Mom takes me to the budget debate in the Congress! And Dad gave me an interactive VR 3D chronicle of the United States, you'll freak out when you see that! Are your grandparents with you?"_

_"Sorry I'm answering that late. Merry Christmas, Stevie! Yes, Grandpa and Nana have been at ours since yesterday and they happen to think of it just as terrible as I do to celebrate Christmas in this summerly weather. They're living in Florida and are coming to New York each Christmas. And I've always thought they were coming because of me: /. I categorically rejected a fir tree because it is an absurdity to ship a tree to Hawaii, especially on a diesel cargo ship! And I prevailed! We have a few garlands and ornaments hanging in a rubber tree. Very festive -_ not. _You punk have to be the only one getting all excited and butterflies over homework-software... :p Grandpa and Nana had a fat check for me, I'll get a Pick-Up when I'm back home! StarkBook from Mom and Dad. Fat loot!"_

_"A Pick-Up! Great. And I heard StarkBooks are considered to be pretty good ;). Christmas was a treat for you.“_

_"Yes and well, not quite entirely. There is actually a barbeque and all of Dad's army buddies are coming with their wives and the little ones. None of them were starting to reproduce as early as my folks. That means I'll be spending the second day of Christmas in a bouncy castle. It's getting worse and worse!"_

_"Thor would say you're living the dream!"_

“ _Thor's dream is probably_ living _in a bouncy castle! Is the big party going to happen as every year?"_

_"Yes, everyone is coming! I'm looking forward to it."_

_"Tell me how short your Russian cousin's skirt is."_

_"I will. Is Nalus straw skirt too long for your taste?"_

_"Unfortunately Nalu isn't that much into traditional clothes ... And there it shattered, my dream of 'naked except for a flowery_ lei' _."_

_"Sounds like a very provincial idea of Hawaii."_

_"You punk started with the straw skirt."_

_"I just know you!"_

_"We're going to have dinner right now. Stay in touch, Stevie! "_


	14. Life of a Stay-at-home-Dad

**Life of a Stay-at-home-Dad**

The annual Stark barbeque on 4th of July was approaching. That also was Steve's 15th birthday, of course. The boys were told to invite all of their friends, a lot of food was ordered (leftovers would then be sent to the homeless shelter), there was music, fireworks (as a BARF hologram, environment friendly) and a bouncy castle (Steve and Loki wrinkled their noses - Children's stuff, but Thor was happy like every year.).

Peter was almost seven months old now and he was a very lively, agile little guy. The baby seemed to need significantly less sleep than any other baby his age, and he had started crawling in a hell for leather two weeks ago, so his dad got the impression that he was searching the little one all day long. If he just blinked, Peter was no longer where he had last seen him. He had to pull him constantly from under furniture, behind curtains and out of corners.

Tony felt like a marathon athlete every night, at least as if he had covered just as many miles. Unfortunately, he was a lot less fit than a marathon athlete. And thinking back to the time when Peter started being the most wonderful, sweetest and happiest baby in the world at the age of six, seven weeks, convinced the worse was behind him - _man_ , how wrong he had been!

Of course Peter was still the most wonderful and cutest baby in the world. He was also a very happy baby - if he was crawling around in a hell for leather all day. Peter was a marathon crawler! And he babbled. The baby babbled in its own language all day. Tony kept talking to him and seemed to speak Peter's "language" too. At any rate, a chat conversation between the two sounded like a real conversation. He also kept trying to get a 'dada' out of his youngest. So far without success.

In the past few months, Peter had become an additional part of his father's body. Both were inseparable and Tony could not imagined a life without him anymore. The very thought of this made him breathless. However, Tony had also become a very experienced and multitasking father, who could do almost all of his everyday life with one hand if necessary and cared for Peter lovingly and full of attention. Pepper was very proud of him.

Twice a month the couple had date nights that put Pepper's patience to the test every time. Bruce and Natasha or Happy, occasionally Rhodey when he was in New York stayed with the boys, which the three big boys always thought was great, and Peter was also very relaxed about it. The problem, of course, was always Tony

Fortunately, the babysitters were all good friends and knew Tony's quirks, otherwise they would probably be really offended every time because the over-worried father basically treated them like idiots. He always explained everything to them dozens of times, wrote suspicious messages all evening, and then examined every millimeter of Peter to make sure that his little angel hadn't been harmed. He never found out that Natasha only survived those evenings with a marijuana cigarette when Peter had fallen asleep. That was solemnly obligated ed, otherwise she would probably kill Tony.

Bruce, Happy and Rhodey dealt with his craziness much more relaxed and of course everything always went smoothly. Pepper had given up taking the StarkPhone from her husband these evenings, because he was still more absent than when he had it within range. And Tony was a genius after all. He could keep an eye on the phone and still be a charming entertaining cavalier.

Steve had started dating Peggy Carter, a girl from his social science class, in February. She was so like him! An ambitious and committed girl with principles and the two worked a lot together on various projects.

Thor, now 13, hadn't broken his neck with his snowmobile, just sprained a couple of joints and took it like a champ every time. He spent a lot of time with a group of friends - they gave themselves the name _Guardians_ after a science fiction youth book series. Tony thought the kids were all a little strange (the Quill boy with the raccoon alone!), but harmless. The only catch was that the two Titan girls were part of it, which meant that he inevitably got to deal with the madman more often. But Tony had an incomparable way of dealing with people (meaning: manipulating them) and so Titan always got completely satisfied about his rants' apparent successes and didn't cause any trouble.

For example, when the radical man once made a very rude remark that the Starks irresponsibly produced a lot of offspring (Gamora and Nebula were adopted), Tony confessed to him that they had to do without contraception for religious reasons and only once after almost ten years of abstinence had become weak. Titan, who valued men with convictions, believed the story. Secretly, he thought Stark was an idiot because he wasn't sleeping with his sexy wife, but at least he never raised the subject again. Tony, who was sleeping with his sexy wife on a regular basis, didn't care what this crazy man thought.

The now 11-year-old Loki had asked his parents to skip a year before the summer holidays. His classmates all seemed so childish to him. Pepper and Tony had a long conversation with Doctor Strange about it, which caused a lot of taks afterwards with the two and finally they gave in. Dr Strange was a little very present in the life of the Starks anyway. It started in January ...

(January 2017)

Loki raved about his chemistry club at the breakfast table. "Father! You should see the laboratory!“ The boy was involved pretty seriously and even studied chemistry once a week in the afternoon with the tenth grade sophomores. "Chemistry is not my specialty," Tony admitted. "Exactly." Was the somewhat overly honest answer. Tony put Peter into Pepper's arms who was just entering the kitchen. "I'm going to take a quick shower!"

When he came back down, his wife raised her eyebrows. He was styled to the icing on the cake and admittedly looked really hot. It took him a little longer than formerly to do this, so she had no time to ask him why he was getting all dolled up. Everyone was already bustling and shortly afterwards Tony was driving the boys to school. Once there, he got out with them.

"Dad, you're not allowed to park here." "Oh, the scrap of paper that gets stuck under the wipers won't cost more than $ 80," Tony returned to his eldest, strapping Peter in the carrier in front of his chest. He checked his hairstyle again in the window of the car. His sons watched him in amazement. "Come on, Puck, show me your chemistry lab!", With these words he took Loki by the upper arm and headed for school. "Father!" Protested, "There will be a class now!" Yes, of course that was true, but Tony knew a solution straight away

"I talk to Dr Strange. Nobody will mind if the headmaster's with me.“ „I have to be in maths class,“ Loki groaned tormented. "Then we'll meet one another later again!" Tony answered cheerfully. "Have a nice day, boys!" He called. Steve and Loki hurried into the building. "Bye, Pop!" "What's your first class?" "Uhhh" "Thor!" Just called one of the Titan girls, the one with the spiky hairstyle. Nebula, Tony believed. "I'm asking Neb!" Thor ran away. Tony looked in the mirroring window again, was pleased with what he saw there, and then climbed the steps to the headmaster's office.

Miss Hooper was happy, admired Peter extensively and chatted a little with Tony. "Mr Stark." Tony whirled around. Strange was in his office door. His eyes were unfathomable. "I have to apologize, I missed the fact that we have an appointment." An eyebrow rose in the direction of Miss Hoopers. Tony said quickly, "No, no, Doctor, I ..." what exactly to tell him now? ... _have been just around the corner_ would sound idiotic.

Dr Strange looked down at him along his aristocratic nose, Tony had almost forgotten what a giant the man was. The 'giant' suppressed a sigh. Most of his students had rich parents who often thought that the world belonged to them. He had been the same way formerly. And Stark, well, he was really very rich. "Come to my office. Tea or coffee?” he asked politely. "C-coffee ..., please ..." Tony secretly shook his head as Strange went to the headmaster's office in front of him.

Miss Hooper had rushed the other way, probably to the cafeteria for coffee. The Doctor offered Tony the chair and gracefully settled in his armchair. "The little one has grown quite a bit," he said after a short strange silence and smiled. With Tony, of course, that was a real icebreaker. He was beaming.

"Hasn't he?" He called enthusiastically. “Peter is now ten weeks old. Time flew by, even though every day always seems like a miracle to me.” Tony smiled thoughtfully. "He's definitely lifting his head and doing these wonderful baby sounds when you talk to him and I actually talk to him all the time when he's awake. I always have him at my body and everyone says the little one will notice it immediately, if I even briefly go out of the room ... "

Of course Tony himself noticed that he was chattering terribly, but he couldn't stop himself either, he rarely could, and when he talked of Peter, actually not at all. "... I recently had to attend a live cam conference for Stark Industries because my wife doesn't speak Japanese and Steve stayed in Peter's room with Peter because ..."

"You speak Japanese, Mr. Stark?" Tony blinked. The interruption was probably a blessing, otherwise he would talk for hours and he didn't think Dr Strange was interested in Peter's diaper contents. He breathed a sigh of relief. The man had just spared him from making a fool out of himself.

"Yes. In the entertainment and communications industry, it is a must, so to speak,” he shrugged indifferently." May I ask which languages you also are proficient in, Mr. Stark?" Of course, Dr Strange knew that Anthony Stark was widely known as a genius and he was curious to see in how many ways. "My mother was Italian, so of course that's obvious."

Strange hadn't known that. So that's where these dramatically dark colors came from in Stark's hair, complexion, and eyes. And his infatuation with his baby. The headmaster smiled inwardly. Stark was so ... _authentic_. Really. Nothing about him looked fake or foul. Tony kept talking.

“French is a must for every Italian and my mother insisted. After high school I spent a year at an institute for European languages. Of course I already learned Spanish at school. German was a tough job, but the German engineers ... Germans struggle with foreign languages, so I learned a few chunks of that darn language. Oh!“, he chuckled. "... and a family friend, Natasha, taught me a little bit of Russian, but I'm afraid that all of those are secretly curse words and I don't dare use them." Tony grinned broadly.

"Impressive, Mr. Stark." Tony waved his hand modestly "It flies to me. Not that you think I put a lot of time into it. I'm not the eager beaver type.“ „Your son Loki seems to be like you, Mr. Stark.“ Tony sighed. "Yes, Loki is very, very smart. I am pleased that he has so much fun with the extra chemistry lessons. You know, chemistry is not my specialty, although I am of course familiar with the essential basics, but unfortunately there is no way for the boy to explore into it furtherly in my workshop. And that brings me to you today. I wanted to take a look at the chemical labs. And if there is anything to be improved about it, Stark Industries can certainly do something, I mean ... “, Tony was a bit embarrassed.

Strange found this remarkable. He was strangely reserved for a man with Stark's wealth and fame. "... I got a Neubauer counter for a friend at Christmas and that's actually impossible." Tony grinned smugly. Dr Strange now found out that Mr. Stark wasn't as humble as he first thought. Which of course he was absolutely right about. Tony was definitely not humble!

"Let me take a look at the timetables, Mr. Stark. I'll see when I can take you through the chemistry labs.” Tony nodded and Strange turned to the laptop on his desk. “10.40am, Chemistry 2 is free. Come and have some coffee with me for so long, Mr. Stark. "

The monologue Tony gave to Pepper about the unusual headmaster that night while getting ready for bed was extremely exuberant. The words 'progressive', 'highly intelligent', 'versatile interested' were often used. 'Romantic desperate' only once. Pepper' eyed him weirdly so Tony changed the subject quickly. He then talked about the really modern and labs. He kept to himself that the Headmaster had held Peter a few minutes while Tony warmed up his bottle at the espresso bar and the baby seemed quite content with the strange man. In any case, Pepper decided to take over the next parents-teacher-conference herself ...

On that evening Pepper was coming home with red cheeks and a good mood. "You're late," her husband greeted her somewhat sourly. She looked at the clock. Half past ten. "Indeed! It didn't seem that long to me. At first everyone was gathered in the auditorium and there was a discussion about the big school festival in May. Titan had a lot to say about it, of course. Strictly vegan food, save electricity and do without speakers and lots of other blah, you know him.” Tony grunted in agreement. He was very tired. Peter had kept him on his toes until half an hour ago, kept turning around on his own axis - his newest trick - and babbling to himself. When the name Dr Strange came up, he pulled himself together to listen to Pepper again.

"... But Dr Strange had a good grip on him. The born diplomat. Though almost every word dripped with sarcasm, the idiot Titan noticed nothing and let the Headmaster lull him well. Titan is of course not a very difficult opponent in the sarcasm duel. I would like to experience Dr Strange with a worthy opponent. With you, for example. At least when you've had enough sleep.” She patted Tony on the head a little.

_What the...?_ Did he have to have been sleeping well to be able to compete with Dr Strange? Before he could think of a suitable answer, Pepper continued cheerfully. Tony feared that his wife was not entirely wrong. He actually lacked a bit of his grit these days. But Strange should see how _he_ did if he changed places with Tony! He were absolutely capable of doing the Headmaster's job with his left hand, too, and without messing even the smallest strand of hair out of his hairstyle, as was always the case with Dr Strange's.

"..you even combed today?" Pepper smoothed his hair and apparently didn't expect an answer. It was hard for Tony to follow her lively conversation tonight! "... from the confectioner who only uses organically grown ingredients."

She took a deep breath. "Anyway. Tony, ... “, her tone had changed. And she also looked at him sternly. "Miss Carter complained. Thor does his homework sloppy. You have to pay more attention to it!“ „I always tell them to show me all their notes!” Tony immediately defended himself. "Yes, and do you also read what the boy's writing there?" "You don't want me to help the children too much with the work." "You should notice, however, if he has a progressive Anti Flag song scribbles as a description of the function of the cell nucleus or when he draws the constellation of Orion instead of the X and Y dots in the coordinate system for maths. "

Tony knew that if he laughed now, Pepper would get angry. The boy's pranks obviously were embarrassing to her. But he couldn't help it and asked: "Was the song at least reasonably appropriate?" Her eyes pierced him. "It's not funny." "Sorry, ma'am.", he looked at her contritely. The puppy eyes softened her again in an instant. At least he still had that in him. "Pay a little more attention in the future, honey, okay?" She gave him a kiss. Before he could reply, she talked again. Of Dr Strange. _What the heck!_

"Just as I was about to leave, I ran into Dr Strange again. Literally!” She smiled briefly to herself. "It was actually really funny. He turned so fast ...“ „What else did he want from you?" Pepper was startled over the rude interruption, but said nothing about it. "Oh, it was about Girl's Day. He explained the planned schedule to me and who the other speakers will be. Titan will of course also speak. Probably one of his iditotic flaming speeches. About a girl's day sending the wrong message. That it would sound like girls were somehow second-rate.” She shook her head.

"The doctor and I had a heartily laugh anyway." I can imagine, Tony thought darkly. Would his wife ever stop talking about this guy this night? Maybe he should start a little nifty marital attack. He sighed inwardly. He was sooo tired. Just when he wanted to get closer:

"... perfect example of modern education. That's how he thinks about us. Well, I thought that was nice.” The guy repeats himself, Tony thought, exactly the same thing Strange had said to him in December. Then: "He talked about you too." Tony looked up with interest. "Oh yes? What did he say?“ „He called you a visionary, the Da Vinci of our time. _Not bad!_ "I said, of course, that it was nonsense since you finally ..."

"I'm not painting." Tony interjected dryly.“ Dr Strange laughed out loud because of course he understood the joke. Because at least you do ... " Tony interrupted her again. "After all, I'm doing everything else Da Vinci did." Pepper now - finally - noticed that something wasoff and looked at him critically. Except for the messy hairstyle, her husband looked like always. Still, she smiled encouragingly.

"How's your day been, darling?" Tony thought briefly about making a sarcastic remark, but since he certainly didn't have the energy for both an argument and then sex, he decided on the latter. He told her the most important things of the day, was funny and charming and often touched her.

He was very tired, but when Pepper later fell asleep cuddled up to him, he gave himself a six out of ten. The name Dr Strange has no longer been mentioned, not even once.  _Maybe seven_ , he thought satisfied. Then he fell asleep too.


	15. More Days in the Life of a Stay-at-Home Dad

**More Days in the Life of a Stay-at-Home Dad**

Tony developed more and more routine in the first few weeks with Peter. Some things soon came automatically from his hand and the baby just thrived and prospered splendidly. But there were also these days ...

The morning after Valentine's Day, Tony found it difficult to get out of bed. He had barely been able to close an eye. Peter had slept peacefully through the night except for a 2 o'clock meal, that dadn't been the problem...

The day before, Pepper had come home early from work and brought delicious food from his favorite Japanese restaurant. They had dinner with the boys and Tony had noticed all the time that his wife was upset. They usually didn't discuss issues from office until they were alone, so Tony decided to wait and see. He kept the table conversations going as well as he could, helping Thor, who was clearing away, to tidy up the kitchen.

The boy babbled merrily about his afternoon and how they had tried to put an astronaut suit they had made on the Quill boy's raccoon. Thor had wiped away a few nasty scratches that Tony treated him when he got home. Thor toddled off to his room, Loki and Steve were gone right after dinner. Pepper sat on the sofa with the company laptop and worked concentrated, she barely so much as glanced at Tony.

"Do you still have work to do, honey?" "Yep!" "Should I help you?" "No." So he lay down on the playmat with Peter and played with him. At Christmas they had finally agreed that SI Pepper's job was and that she wanted to manage it alone and that he would only step in in emergencies. The hours just flew by. Pepper hadn't said a word all evening, he only heard her aggressive typing and didn't want to disturb her. Tony had just put Peter, who had fallen asleep, into bed when his wife came into the bedroom and tossed a parcel on Tony's side of the pair's bed. "By the way, for you, _darlin_ g."

No. Oh no. _No no no no_ , that hadn't to be real!

Jarvis had reminded Tony of Valentine's Day every day for two weeks. Until three days days before he, annoyed as fuck, was ordering to clear the V-alarm. Tony became hot and cold alternately. "Pep ..." he started weakly. "You forgot ..." she said flatly. "You of all people with a big brain, even a brain that is so big that it surprisingly fits into a normal human head, have forgotten it." "Honey ..." "No, Anthony Edward Stark, just no. You let Jarvis tell you when it is time for the next coffee and you want to tell me ... “, she was getting louder.

"Pep, the baby ..." They only were less than two meters from Peter's bed. His wife took a deep breath. _Oh oh_. "Then we're going to go downstairs quietly to the living area so I can yell at you," she said in her low, ice-cold Stark Industries voice. That was the voice that Tony was most afraid of. It was her "you're fired" voice. "And yes, put the baby monitor in your ear, gosh!" She hissed. He followed her well into the living room.

"Really, Tony? Forgotten?” He had never forgotten it in the years before and always surprised her with very lovingly selected gifts. Her hurt tone and sad expression almost gave him physical pain. And then he said exactly the wrong thing: "You wanted to yell at me in earnest. If you feel better afterwards ... ” He smiled wryly. He hadn't meant it badly. But then a thunderstorm broke out over him that knocked his socks off. Pepper had a lot on her slip. Really much. At first, Tony put up with this stoically (he really wanted her to get rid of her anger so that they could talk to each other afterwards, sensibly so). But then his wife exclaimed excitedly:

"You're living your dream here! All day long, you tell everyone how wonderful everything is, how much you enjoy spending time with Peter and the boys and that this is exactly what you should have always done. While I go out there doing not only my job, but yours too! And even better than you! I am keeping your company going and your back free, although sometimes I literally have physical pain from stress and no longer know how to prevend from a collapse and no longer know what all this is supposed to be worth it ... " She did not come any further. Tony's eyebrows were drawn into an angry line. He quivered with rage and his eyes flashed with anger.

"My company?  _My company_ ? Stark Industries has been more important to you than anything else for years! As if you weren't enjoying how you could chase and command everyone all day. Don't you like that I am no longer among the host of complacent servants of the almighty Pepper Potts?” Pepper's mouth was open. Her features were furious when she shouted: "Are you out of your mind?" "I was attacked!", he shouted back.

"For weeks I've been racking my brains about what I could give you. You always make the best gifts on God's green earth! And you always go on about it! It's not a great achievement to come up with something brilliant if you are a genius, Tony!“ „ And you're stalking out the door on your skyscraper heels every morning thinking you're the only one doing something!” Pepper's mouth twisted, but before she could say anything about "Napoleon Complex," he continued.

“Every day I go out of my way to keep the family together. Do you actually know how crazy everyone is here? Steve, who is raving about our oh-so-great country all day and I always have to find the right balance between support and education because I don't want to hurt him! Thor, who almost breaks his neck about 13 times a day because he thinks he's invincible and is stomping through life so careless that it scares and worries me to bits. And then Loki ... ” Tony sighed. "The boy is on his best way to becoming a fucking misunderstood freak like me and I haven't got the slightest clue what to do about it ..." "You're exaggerating. The boys are .."

"PEPPER! You have no idea what's going on here. Just no fucking idea...” Tony called. "Oh, yes?" Pepper now felt hurt in her pride. As if she, the real mother of her sons, didn't know what was going on inside them. "But you know everything? Yes, you are the greatest genius walking this fucking globe ... “, she started sarcastically. "Stop ..." he gasped breathlessly. "... just stop." They were now only inches apart. "I'm sorry I forgot that damn 'give your wife flowers day'. I _am_ sorry! But damn it, just stop! “, he hissed. The wildness in his eyes took Pepper's breath away. She swallowed hard. _Oh_ , she just thought, and then: _Okay_. In doing so, she was already tugging at his clothes impatiently.

Peter was a lovely baby, a good baby. He slept peacefully, a few meters above his parents, who were now celebrating - well, Valentine's Day after an argument in which sparks flew ...

When Tony got up at two in the morning to feed him, he was completely in post-coital blisse at first and grinned like an idiot while filling the bottle, then paused. His eyes grew huge and he jumped out of his skin. He couldn't remember a condom in the whole thing ...

So he lay awake the rest of the night and imagined what his everyday life would look like with _two_ babies. He had quickly calculated a little and his wife of course (#thanksobama) had been exactly in her fertile period. So at Christmas they might have a six-week-old baby again, along with Peter and the Boyband of Drama, how he secretly christened his older sons on a particularly busy day. He. Was. Dead.

Filling Peter's morning bottle was a difficult task. Tony then screwed the nipple on and splashed a little of it onto the inside of his wrist. It was simply the best way to check the temperature. He was startled. It was pretty hot! He licked off the drops as a second test and ... it was coffee. He had filled coffee into Peter's bottle! _Genius_ ..., he thought sarcastically. He was still alone in the kitchen with the baby in his arms. He quickly got a clean milk bottle from the cupboards, filled the milk, gave the bottle to Peter and then after a very short hesitation pushed the baby bottle with coffee into his own mouth. Not bad, not bad at all ... he thought.

"Tony, darling?" Came timidly from the kitchen door. He pulled the baby bottle out of his mouth with a loud pop. Why should he be ashamed ...? Pepper came to them, stroked Peter gently over the head and then looked at her husband. "I'm sorry," she said firmly. No fishing for compliments, no 'but', just an apology.

"You are  _terrible_ and I want a vasectomy," Tony replied. After a short pause, Pepper laughed nervously. "I love you, you incredible, unique, wonderful idiot" , she said shakily, the last word was very tender. Tony was now able to kiss exellent with Peter on his arm while he was feeding him. "We'll talk about it later," he said after leaving a slightly breathless Pepper. She looked anxious. "Heavens, Pep, I'm not getting a divorce. Do you think I want to give up the beautiful house?” Pepper laughed. He was just the most wonderful idiot in the world. And he was  _her_ idiot. 

Pepper didn't get pregnant. But in no case did she want the vasectomy. Tony jokingly threatened never to touch her again, but Pepper only laughed at that. Admittedly, that was a pretty lame argument. This surgery was just too definitivefor her taste and Tony had to accept it.

*

A few weeks later, Rhodey was finally back in New York. They hadn't seen each other since Christmas and rarely spoke on the phone.

They were meeting in a pub just on the other side of City Island. Tony called "See you later!" up the stairs where Pepper tried to put Peter to sleep. Tony could give up this privilege for  _his_ Rhodey. Besides, Peter wouldn't let his father out of his little claws anytime soon if he was going to see him again. He was running late anyway. And since today was the first mild spring day, he decided on walking. They would probably treat themselves to a few beers anyway.

On the way to the bar he met a young woman with a dog. He smiled politely, nodding. Here one was friendly to the neighbors - unlike in the city. She looked at him strangely, nodded back, and walked a little faster. When he turned to look at her again, he noticed that she had clearly been staring at him. The horror of being caught made her fall into a jog and Tony shook his head, amused and flattered. He hadn't looked in the mirror before he left. Since he had Peter, he was doing this much less often than before. But he apparently still was an eye-catcher.

When he got to the pub, his best and oldest friend came towards him with long strides to suffocate him in one of the bear hugs he was famous for. One step ahead of Tony, Rhodey stopped dead and then burst out laughing.

"Dude!" He said. _What the_...? Rhodey took his phone out of the inside pocket and took a picture of Tony. "Thanks for that, Kiddo." Then he finally pulled him into his arms and patted him on the back. "What was that all about?" "Come sit down, there's already a drink for you." At the bar, Rhodey showed his friend the new photo. "Don't you look in the mirror anymore before you leave the house? Fatherhood changes you, they say. "

Tony pulled the duck-printed cloth diaper from his shoulder and took off the pacifier chain. His sour facial expression made his friend laugh again. "Come on, just be a sport! There is something else, by the way!“ With these words he grinned and took off the diaper that somehow stuck to his butt. "Fortunately unused!" Tony snatched it from his hand and put it with the other baby things. He mumbled something like _yes, eye-catcher_... that Rhodey didn't get and took a long sip of beer.

His friend frowned as he took a closer look at Tony. He wasn't shaved as accurately as formerly, not to mention the outgrown hairstyle. The clashing colours of his and pants and he had shadows under his eyes. "Tony," he said seriously. "Everything alright? You never tell anything when I call.” He had never completely lost that 'big brother attitude' of his since college. "It's nothing." The snort that Tony got in response spoke volumes. Rhodey put his hand on his arm.

"You look terrible." "Well,  _thanks_ . And that from a male beauty expert like you after all.” Tony laughed. That sounded just like ever and his friend relaxed a bit. He picked up the phone with the photo again and raised his eyebrows. Tony rolled his eyes. "Go to baby fitness, all new parents look like this. At least them at my age.” “You'll get it over with…” Rhodey comforted his old friend and then asked about the children.

"... am really permanently tired even after a relatively quiet night. So incredibly tired. You can't imagine that.” Tony sighed. “Sometimes I feel like I'm on an autopilot and I like being out of me. Just ask Happy! At our last date I didn't show up with a diaper and a pacifier, but with Peter! ”They laughed. "Pepper was hopping mad." His friend said nothing. His look was serious. "What?" "How is she?" Rhodey asked casually. The look he got from Tony for this transparent maneuver immediately put him in defense mode. "I'm your friend and not a gossip from the crawling group, okay?" "Yeah, ..." Tony sighed long. "She ... she is fine. We just have to get used to having a baby again after ten years. That's all.” James Rhodes nodded sympathetically. Then they talked for a while about Rhodey's job at the Air Force and Stark Industries. Then again about the children.

"... done so much wrong in recent years. The boys are totally screwed up!” Tony cried desperately. "They're _good_ boys, Tony," Rhodey said with a warm smile. "You love them and they are fine with you." His friend shrugged. “We have always been working so much. I only notice all of this now! "Tony, listen.", the other put his hand on his forearm and squeezed gently. "Now you listen to me very carefully. That's important.” Tony leaned forward and looked at his friend, full attention.

"When I met you, you were hardly older than Steve is now. And you _were_ screwed up. Steve is a thoroughly normal American high school boy and teen. Back then you impatched to what was like the first family of your life like a duckling with heart-breaking despair. James Rupert Rhodes and his crazy bunch of relatives. You were a troubled lonely unloved child. And you could heal because we all loved you from the first moment. There, with your boys nothing is too late, it never was. Do you want to seriously compare the somehow charming pompous manner of your eldest with your reckless arrogance from back then? Which looked pretty ridiculous on a skinny 15-year-old, by the way” “Hey!" Tony laughed. "Come on, kid, seriously. If the other boys at MIT hadn't stood over it, you had gotten knuckle sandwiches on days end.” Tony grinned.

Rhodey grew serious again. "And just look at Thor! Have you ever seen a happier, more confident boy?” On that Tony had to nod in agreement. ”Yes,'course he is! But Loki ... Loki is ...” “Loki is like you! Always the smartest, always one step ahead. He has interests that the other kids can't do with. If the boy wants to have a stimulating conversation, he has to go to us old donkeys with master's and doctoral degrees. This is hard for a child.” "I know that ... and I had a  _terrible_ childhood ..." Tony whispered worriedly. Rhodey gently punched him on the upper arm. "And that's exactly why the boy will do better than you were. You  _care_ .” “Do you reallythink so?"

"Tony ... look at you. What a life you have built up for yourself! You have Pepper, four children, a nice home! And you got it all despite a father like yours. Loki is a smart guy and he has much better conditions than you. I am sure that everything will be fine. Have a bit of trust.” Tony returned the warm smile of his chosen brother shortly after. "Thank you, old friend. I'm so glad that I have you.” His eyes sparkled a little suspiciously. Rhodes skillfully cut the sentimental moment. "I'm also glad that you have me! You would be a disaster without me!”

"Have you had any exciting love adventures lately that can make your old, like-forever married friend jealous of?" Tony set the tone for the conversation to a much more comfortable one.

*

Although Rhodey had alleviated Tony's pain and milded his concerns, Tony later decided to do it perfectly from now on when he fell asleep.

With that he jangled his sons nerves - apart from Peter, who took his chucking daddy as a really treat.

He signed up as an accompanying person for every school trip. Then he sat in front of the bus with the adults, Peter in his carrier for a quarter of an hour, until them other parenst plagued him nearly to death and went to the back to his respective child. "Hey! What are you kids doing? Everything's cool?“ „Father, please sit back in your spot."... .."Dad. We are talking about the latest ratification in Congress. You surely don't care."... .."Pop! Better go ahead with Peter again, Quill's about to drop a stink bomb!” Thor's loud voice, of course, had called his teacher onto the scene. "Mr. Stark, is Thor actually brewing these dangerous things in your secret gene lab?" Tony could only stare at Miss Carter in disbelief. …

He watched Thor's football training and was cheering him on so enthusiastically that the coach sent him home. Probably was "not pass to that fool, he does never hit the goal, Sunny" unsuitable...

He messed up Steve's orchestral rehearsal when he suggested playing something more contemporary than bebop jazz, quickly sat down at the piano and started a Metallica song. _All right._ In 2017, Metallica wasn't exactly up to date either. ….

After all, he was not admitted to Loki's chemistry club. The teacher was delighted that Tony had Peter with him in his baby carrier and vigorously refused to allow a baby to enter. … Loki's brothers had envied him immensely that day. …

Every week he went to teachers' meetings and interrogated the poor people, defending Thor fiercely when he wrote a bad test. "The boy is a late bloomer! Let him be a kid just a little longer” then tried to negotiate the grades, and finally shocked Steve's history teacher with the announcement:

„My son will become the President of the United States. Whatever it takes.

He always had his baby with him and Peter was probably the reason why he did not receive any court orders with his penetrative, pesky manner. Peter's charm always melted all hearts. He got that from his father. If Mr Stark only wasn't always so ... _eccentric_. But a baby wasn't eccentric yet and Peter was just enchanting!

Of course Tony's behavior got on Dr Strange's radar...

*

„ _Hey, Buckaroo, what's going on? Dad's stressing me and my brothers out, I can tell you. He's all over the place at school. Today he entered orchestra, got on the piano and suggested Metallica for our next performance._ Metallica! _Thor told me, he was thrown out of football practice the other day and Loki was ever so pleased, when Miss Haggard permitted him entering the lab with a baby._ Lucky Bastard! _We really have no fucking clue what he's all about._ “

„ _Would have loved to see all of this. Your dad is something, honestly! Today I nearly burnt down the school's kitchen at cooking club. I left a cloth on the hot oven, but luckily I know how to use a fire extinguisher. I've always wanted to try one of them out! Was fun, making all that mess. The lasagna in the oven fortunately wasn't affected. I'm really getting a grip on cooking only I need a host of servants to clean up after me – and a fire man could get handy, I suppose!_ “

„ _Sounds fun! What's with your love life? Burning something different up there?_ “

„ _Wish, you'd know, eh? ME is not one to brag... What about you? Bet, you're getting your mouths all dry with Peggy – from all that debating poltical issues of course._ “

„ _Jerk_.“

„ _You punk do know, I'm right. ;)_ “


	16. Even more of the days in the life of a Stay-at-home-Dad

**Even more of the days in the life of a Stay-at-home-Dad  
**

"Stark!"  _Oh, no_ "Mr. Titan," he said drawled. "I've wanted to talk to you about this for a while. It's about the petition that I started.” Tony had Peter in the carrier in front of his chest, a plate of snacks in one hand (he was glad that it was only grilled vegetables, he now didn't want being forced to listen to the sermon about animal murder from the madman.) and a fork in the other hand. No chance to get to the StarkPhone to fake an important call.

The idiot swaggered pompously about his petition, it was about the Coast Guard. Tony, who hardly listened to him, only noticed that Titan wanted to ban the boats' diesel engines. Of course, the fool didn't have a striking idea for a replacement of the motors and Tony, who knew that electric motors were too weak for ships, got ready internally to explain it in simple words. "Stark, with your influence on the internet, you can help equip the Coast Guard's boats with sailing and rowing again." Uh, what? "I'm sorry?" He asked politely. "You just  _know_ ! Video messages, subtle advertising, sometimes you have to force people to their happiness.” Tony looked nervously at the clock.

"Mr Titan, the orchestra will play in a few minutes. I want to listen to my son.” “Yes, but you're thinking about this!” Tony still didn't know what the other one wanted from him. “Send material to your petition to Stark Industries. Then we can see what we can do for you.“ , he smiled winningly. Titan nodded curtly. “My daughters are coming to your barbeque in July. You know we're strictly vegan?” “Mr Titan, we always have vegan options for our guests, don't worry.” Tony turned away and rolled his eyes so hard that a random witness had to worry that they would stay like this in his skull. A random viewer was Dr Strange.

"Mr Stark! Nice that you made it to our school party.” “Snacks, Doctor?” Tony held out the plate to the headmaster. "Strictly vegan," he grinned. Doctor Strange paused, then smiled. "Sorry, I don't want to spoil my appetite for the burgers later." Tony grinned broadly. "And there is Peter too!", The doctor leaned down and looked at Peter with a smile. The baby beamed at him. "Glahglah." "Very much what I've thought, little buddy. How old is he now?” “Six months. And he's already the boss in the family. At least if Mommy is not there, because ... ” Tony's voice rose an octave. "Mommy is our boss, isn't shet, Pete?" The baby reacted to the squeaky voice with an excited kick and chuckled. Tony smiled down happily at his son.

"I haven't seen Mrs. Stark yet. I hope she's not prevented.” “Oh, she's at her Girl's Day fan club. You know, the girls from the school business project.” “Your wife was the star of this event. I really want to thank her again for her commitment. I hope I'll run into herat some moment.”  _She probably hopes so too_ ... thought Tony.

"I've heard a lot about you lately, Mr. Stark."  _Oh yes?_ "Don't believe everything they tell you about me. The good stories are all not educationally valuable,” Tony replied charmingly and would have liked to bite his tongue off immediately.  _Gosh, what am I talking about?_ Dr Strange blinked in confusion. Then he caught himself again and said:

"You are very active in everyday school life, I appreciate that. I sign all the class books and documentations every week and your name ... does appear in them very often.” “I will never forget the trip to the Amish settlement! I made a little clip of Steve, Peter and me for the video diary of Pep, uh, Mrs. Stark, and when I was filming a group of people I said these people are the only ones on the planet who are not making us rich but they're making lemonade right now and that's really nice! Steve writhed with embarrassment and everyone stared at me like I was a witch or a demon with my devil's stuff in my hand ..."  _I'm babbling again, help!_ Tony thought.

"... and at that moment Peter was puking his milk onto my shoes and this Amish-granny, she was at least 100 years old, told me  _boy, what did your wife die from, that you poor man have to take care of this baby now?_ Amish have no concept of modern roles, I guess ... “  _Tony, stop chattering!_ He thought desperately. "... Long story short: In the evening I almost felt the need to go to church again. Fortunately, that faded away."

The silence and Doctor Strange's unreadable look spoke volumes. Tony had just made a fool of himself. That always happened around the headmaster! "Undoubtedly a less educationally valuable story, but at least youth-appropriate and reasonably entertaining," the doctor finally broke the silence. Then he sighed. "Mr Stark, without pacing..." "Oh, what's  _pacing_ after all?" Tony quipped with a wink. Dr Strange looked at him strangely.  _Fuck_

“I understand your intention to support your children, to show them your interest and your attention. That's great! But to be frank, sometimes you run the risk of embarrassing your sons, after all, adolescents are very complicated and sensitive.” Tony swallowed. "You mean ... but I want to, so ..." he stuttered, unable to find the right words, thoughts racing in his head. He wished desperately for being a good father! Tony's misery was evident in his features, the serious headmaster's gaze became a little milder.

"Mr Stark. I'm sure you will do well. And parents are only human. You are not perfect! But just switch down a gear. Teenagers get embarrassed quickly.” Tony smiled wryly. "Thank you, Doc. Why don't you come to our barbeque on July 4th! It'll be a great party!”  _Where did that come from now?_ Dr Strange's expression was inscrutable.

"I'm afraid that would be a little inappropriate, Mr. Stark. But thanks for the friendly invitation.” “Maybe you'll think it over. Oh! I have to go see Steve's performance!” Stephen Strange watched the smaller man leave with a little regret. It  _was_ inappropriate. But another lonely holiday, alone in his penthouse was _not_ a pleasant outlook.

After the orchestra performance, the children, of course, remained with their traditional program, Tony bought a basket of waffles at a stand and searched for the business project's presentation room. Pepper had told him about it. It had started as a fictional thing where the girls could buy and sell stocks. They turned out to be so clever that Dr Strange launched a fundraiser to find sponsors for the  _#girlsforwallstreet_ project. Tony himself and Pepper also donated a substantial amount, and all the profits the girls brought in went to charities. Since the group had received a special mention in Pepper's speech on Girls' Day, the girls had chosen her as their mascot.

In the room for the presentation, Tony found his wife - fitting in her strictest business outfit - and a good dozen girls between the ages of 12 and 17. On the walls were posters of stock market results, stock curves, calculations, business plans, a real nightmare, he thought for and for Pepper a paradise... "Tony!", Pep rejoiced. Thirteen pairs of eyes immediately attached themselves to him and Peter with undisguised curiosity. Critically eyed from top to bottom, Tony automatically made himself as tall as he could.

"Is that him, Mrs. Stark? Not bad at all. I thought he was older.” “Sht, Lilly” “I thought he was taller." There were giggles giggled, some of the girls blushed. "Natalie ..." one hissed. Tony was able to put away a little slipper from a cheeky teenager. He targeted Natalie with the loose mouth. The girl still looked cheeky, but at the same time a bit tense. When he smiled at her after a few seconds, she relaxed.

"You see!" He said to the group. "Advantage for girls No 1: If one of you is stopping to grow too early, as unfortunately I did a few years ago, ..." that was giggled at again, but it sounded well-meant. "...then you'll just need a breathtaking pair of shoes." He gestured to his wife's feet in her dizzying ten-centimeter manolos with a dramatic gesture. Everyone laughed. "I'm Tony Stark and you all have name tags, a great thing, I don't have to remember anything. Miss Potts used to remember everything for me. But what am I supposed to say? She's no longer working for me.” He winked at the group. The girls grinned. Of course, they knew the biography of their 'heroine'. "Glad to meet you all", Tony finished. Pepper beamed at him and formed a toneless "Well done!" with her deep red business lips. "Anyone wants waffles?" He waved the seductive basket. He got a unanimous hurray for it. When everyone was chatting comfortably eating waffles, the girls thawed.

"What a cute baby!" "Did you see the cute socks, there's Spider-Man on them!" "And look at the cute curls." Tony had never heard the word 'cute' in such a consecutive way in his whole life, the boys' father he was. "I don't want children ..." let the obvious leader of the group out, the outspoken Natalie. "Well, Natalie, you're still young and will have all the time in the world ..." Pepper said friendly.

“No thanks, men then force you to give up your job, you're sitting at home with two or three children and the guy is cheating. I can do without that.” Tony looked at her thoughtfully and had a shot in the dark that this had happened to her mother. She wasn't dressed expensive and seemed to have a clever brain - so a scholarship holder, probaby.

"Natalie ..." he smiled. "... it doesn't have to happen exactly like that. Look at Mrs Stark. She's crashing the business world and her husband' sitting at home with four children. And I hope she is not cheating.  _Pepper_ ?” He asked, pretending being in panic. He made most of the kids laugh. Not Natalie. "Feat," said the somber. "When you're as beautiful as Mrs Stark." ...  _Let out the genius, Stark! Let it out!_ he thought. He took a deep breath.

"Lesson No. 2 - although of course I strongly advise you not to take any advice from men, men are idiots." The girls giggled at that "Mrs Stark _is_ beautiful,  _very_ beautiful," he said seriously. "Of course I wouldn't dare to say anything else now ...", a few more laughs, also one of Pep, "But look at her!" He called. Approving murmur.

"What I actually wanted to say ...", he got serious again. “Beauty is mass-produced. There are thousands of beautiful women that we fools fall for.” “Exactly,” Natalie said dryly.  _Cynical young thing_ . "The trick is to be  _smart_ . Learn, make yourself unique, even more unique than you already are.” At that moment Pepper suddenly felt reminded of Steve, Tony probably only hid the declamatory persona very well. But at the same time, she was so proud of her husband.

"If you have any skills, or you know how to do something really well, if you find out what you were born for and make an effort and get the best out of you, no man will ever dare to order you around. Men are cowards secretly. I know what I'm talking about. The day I made Mrs. Stark my assistant, she became  _my_ boss and I didn't even notice.” Everyone laughed.

“But now I have to make sure that she gets a reasonable lunch. I kidnap her from you a little, okay?” Everyone nodded and Tony pulled Pepper out of the room. An incredible babble of voices blurted up behind them. Scraps they understood were: "She's sooo lucky ..." ... "The sweet baby" ... "Wouldn't have thought that he looked that good, he has to be over 50, hasn't he?" ... _Ouch, that hurt_ ... "I think he's even luckier, he has Mrs. Stark." Natalie, of course. Pepper and Tony grinned at each other and she quickly pulled him down the corridor.

"Tony ... darling. You've been  _incredible_ .” She looked at him with  _that_ glance . "I want to kiss you right away." "Dlab!" Peter called in between. They laughed. "You too, my cuuute baby," Pepper turtled a bit with her son and kissed his the curls. "But still," her heels clicked aggressively on the polished floor when she tried a few doors and then found a classroom that wasn't locked. Tony was standing in the hallway shaking his head. "Pep!" He laughed. "Come on!" She commanded him. Well, she  _was_ the boss ...

"Oh, honey, sit down, you're  _huge_ ! I'm not used to it anymore ...” She laughed and rested her hips against a desk that she had swept clean of a few paper sheets with a vigorous arm movement, for the dramatic effect only, there had been a lot of empty desks. ... Tony grinned and sat next to her -  _finally the same size again_ , he thought. Peter got sleepy chewing on a toy. “What you taught the girls about true values was just awesome. You really got to the point. Exactly what girls their age should be told."

"Was I supposed to mention that you are so incredibly good at this thing that I love so much?",  _Oh ... his voice is as deep as always when he ..._ , Pepper's stomach immediately tingled . "Because you'll get always putty in my hands while at it?" She asked seductively.” “Not just in your hands”, he whispered hoarsely. He could feel how Peter's weight had shifted, that he had nodded off in the baby carrier. "If you knew how much I'd like to do it right now ..." she whispered. "Dirty little Miss Potts ..." he purred in her ear. "Mr Stark, sir, are you trying to seduce me?" They still had a little kink for this game.

"Miss Potts.", The tone from almost 20 years ago he still managed it perfectly. "You are causing a problem here that cannot be resolved before tonight, but I still have to walk around at a school party all afternoon." "I am sorry, Mr. Stark. I had no idea how little you can behave like a responsible adult. “, She also managed it really well, although her voice trembled a bit ...

In the whole extremely violent flirt they were sitting side by side without touching each other at all. Tony after all had a sleeping baby in front of his chest. But what they were doing was going to explode later that evening. They had become experts in long -  _very_ long foreplay with three growing boys and a baby in the house ... "Oh, now  _kiss_ me at last," Pepper said then. He laughed softly and obeyed naturally. It was a little uncomfortable to twist the necks like that, side by side on a high school desk, but they didn't want to bother Peter. The kiss got really heated. Both breathed hissing through their noses and ...

They didn't immediately notice the angry voice from the hallway. “Why are all classrooms in this school never locked? Is someone here ...?” Dr Strange, who had stopped dead in the door, didn't get any further with his rant. The sight that was presented to him left him speechless. Mr and Mrs Stark sitting uncomfortably side by side on the edge of a desk, her in a strict business suit and him with the baby carrier without which he never happened to see the man, the baby slept soundly, and the headmaster had found himself in the middle of a high school worthy smooching. The couple panicked apart and looked at him like the deer in the spotlight.

Both there faces were crimson and their lips were swollen. Mrs Stark's lipstick was smeared horribly. For a minute, nobody said anything. The Starks looked terrified, the baby continued to sleep carefree and Dr Strange's thoughts went crazy until finally Tony stuttered: "Peter is sleeping and we made sure that no child's coming ... uh, _that_ sounds weird now.", He was thinking for a moment and let out: "We still have all of our clothes on!" "Tony ...", Pepper groaned in agony next to him, as if she wanted to say don't make it worse!

Dr Strange had finally caught up again and became his dignified self. "I have the classrooms to be locked during public events and I don't want to lock the both of you, so please ..." he gestured to the hall. Tony and Pepper toddled off out of the room as fast as they could, with their shoulders contracted and heads bowed. "Sorry." "I'm so sorry, Doctor," they muttered as they crept past him. The school leader grinned behind her back. Who would have thought he would turn people like the Starks into high school students again. He really had found his late calling. Then he got a bit sad again because he missed his first calling so painfully and he even felt a little bit sorry for the sheepish Starks.

"Well ..." he cleared his throat. The couple avoided eye contact and they only looked roughly in the direction of Dr Strange's ... "Peter and his brothers are growing up with parents loving each other. Not all of my students can say that.” The headmaster turned and discreetly disappeared around the next corner.

A few seconds later, Tony and Pepper let out a breath, looked at each other, and chuckled at each other. "I thought I was going to get detention immediately!" "I already saw myself writing lines: I mustn't think my wife's hot at school." They laughed, kissed again - but this time much more well-mannered and agreed on staying away from each other for the rest of the afternoon, since they were both in that  _special_ mood ... As Dr Strange had already remarked, they obviously just loved each other very much ...

*

"Gosh, I felt like a super spy because I avoided meeting Dr Strange again for the rest of the afternoon." Tony mumbled past his toothbrush as they got ready for bed in the evening. "You lucky bastard!" Pepper creamed her face. "I supported the girls further a little bit to present  _#girlsforwallstreet_ . Then of course he showed up again sometime. ”

*

"Mrs. Stark." Pepper whirled around.  _Oh no_ , she nervously grabbed her ponytail, it was neat, luckily, and then found her business smile again. "Dr Strange! Look at what the girls have done," she gestured in the direction of the posters. The headmaster looked at her meaningfully and said, "With inspiration like you, by the way." Pepper blinked in surprise. Then she picked up courage again. "They had most of it done before I had a look over it." Strange raised an eyebrow. Pepper straightened and added:

"Of course I helped with the professional outcome, that was my best subject in my third master’s degree in advanced public relations."  _Why am I showing off now?_ she thought nervously. "There's no doubt you have talent for that," Strange mentioned while he studied the posters. Pepper looked around a bit edgy. Some of the girls watched with interest, some even quite crushed ... well, Dr Strange  _was_ an eye catcher ...

"I am very proud of the  _#girlsforwallstreet_ project," the headmaster finally told the group. "I would be delighted if you all don't rest on your laurels, but work your minds during the holidays, develop ideas, getting a grip on something, every start-up that has been thought through will receive my full support." He smiled briefly. "Well done, girl."

Everyone, including Pepper, was captivated by the Headmaster's speech. His voice alone was sounding like someone had put a panther into a cello.  _Pepper! What nonsense do you think!_ she scolded herself guiltily. When Strange headded out of the room, she followed him and called: "Doctor!" He turned. "I am so embarrassed about earlier ..." "Mrs. Stark, ...", he took a step towards her. She felt like a school girl. Well, he was the headmaster after all...

"It's not a crime to be in love with your husband. And  _your_ husband is Tony Stark after all." With these irritating statement, he turned and disappeared down the hall. He was grinning amused. She couldn't see it. The Starks were truly a challenge to compete intellectually again.  _Oh, God, he missed Christine!_ The next day Pepper sent him an invitation to the barbeque.

*

"He praised everyone. The girls have a crush on him, of course, I tell you. Well, in high school you quickly fall in love. We were all head over heels for our teachers back then, weren't we?” Tony replied: “Well,  _I_ was twelve in junior and the most important thing in my life was my fish bowl full of tadpoles I gathered from the garden pond...” "I'm talking about  _normal_ people, honey."  _Thank you._

"If I had had a teacher like Dr Strange and he would have recommended – just say - studying Catholic Theology, I probably would have done it!" Pepper laughed. Tony sat on the edge of the bed and watched his wife go into a strange fangirl mode.  _What the_ ...? He took a deep breath and picked up his best  _I'm-Mr-Stark-and-you-are-Miss-Potts_ -Persona. After all, it mostly was working.

" _Miss Potts._ " Pepper fell silent and looked at him with huge eyes - and interested.  _There you are!_ I can see on my calendar that you have moved the 'thing I love so much to tonight." He smiled wryly. "I'm actually free now." Pepper paused, but then picked up herself quickly. "Mr Stark, good to hear that you have taken a look at your calendar for once. In fact, the 'thing you like so much' is long overdue.” Tonywas smirking satisfied ...

*

“ _Today the annual school party took place. Do military schools do that, too? Certainly not, there is no fun times there, I guess. Thor performed with his band. 'Another Brick in the Wall'. As if he had to emphasize his point of view about school education! "_

“ _We're even gonna have a ball here, to which sophomores are allowed to attend, otherwise it would be a miserable party given the poor number of students at this school. According to the latest count, I was asked out 37 times. But as you are aware of my modest self it's_ way _far from me to show off. I may not go at all on the other hand. Nalu of course doesn't attend my school after all. Thor is really a sport! "_

_"Your island beauty is jealous?"_

“ _My island beauty is_ very _jealous and a bit clingy to be honest. Someone's already seeing themself blowing to Las Vegas, I've lately been given the impression. But it is foreshadowing that Dad will be called back to New York this year._ Phew _... I'll get away with it again. "_

_"You will come back soon ??? !!!"_

“Soon _to be the right expression for this is to remain relative. But certainly this year, not only in autumn '18. "_

_ "Those are great news! But you'll leave a broken heart behind. Nalu has to be blind and stupid, just like the 37 girls who asked you out to go to the ball with them... Yeah, and  _ of course _ you didn't want to show off. ” _

_ "Just a correction: _ 38 _. I got a message while writing to you. The pic the girl sent me as a an affort of persuasion is getting her straight to Santa's black book. I guess she's only getting clothing this year, and she also needs that badly when it comes to the picture. ” _

_"That's just some big fat lie you're making up in your silly head! You were with a witch or what? Did you buy a love spell? "_

_"I told you: my blue eyes are hot shit on Hawaii! ;) "_

_"You're a jerk."_

_"Around here this seems to be very much appreciated."_



	17. Steve and Bucky - an Intermezzo

**Steve and Bucky – an Intermezzo**

_"You nearly don't write anymore!"_

_"I am_ very _busy! ;) Dad organized a discarded army truck for me and I'm driving around the island every free minute or !'m taking the ferry over to the others. Driving a car is hot shit! You'll see when you're doing it! "_

_"Loser! Driving anround all day and producing CO2! "_

_"Pah, you're just jealous! Be careful what you're saying here. When you'll have your first car (probably a Jaguar ;) ) you are doing the same thing! Also, I'm not just driving around all the time and certainly not always alone! :p "_

_"Well, on Hawaii you don't have to run the engine for the heating when snogging in the car, at the least."_

_"Got it, you punk?"_

_"Jerk.”_

*

_"Well, are you still cranking up the oil price with your senseless driving around?"_

_"Nah, listen, I'm gonna have exams soon. I'm studying dutifully_ all  _day. The stuff is soooo_ tough _\- not. But after the holidays I'm in junior, and I'm planning on braggin' about the best grade sheet of all the Sophomores. How are you doing? "_

_"Me, I'm_ really  _studying all day. You are only humbugging. You are more likely to wrap flower chains around a more or less clothed body. ”_

_"A gentleman never tells."_

_"So you can talk nineteen to the dozen!"_

_"You'd like that, I guess, punk! Peggy and you still are a thing? Albeit without the flower chains ..."_

_"Yes, Peggy and I are still a thing. Stop piquing yourself on your stupid flower chains so much!"_

_"But I do! :p "_

_"Jerk!"_

_"Punk!"_

_*_

_"I'm looking forward to the party on the 4 th, man, I'll be 15 then. Time went by so quickly ... "_

_"Old geezer!"_

_"It is true! I was ten years old in the summer camp where we met. TEN!"_

_"Back then_ I  _was the older_ and _the wiser one!"_

_"Dipshit. How's that supposed to change?"_

_"Time is just a construct, Stevie! Maybe we just_ imagine _that you are one year and four months, I repeat: ONE YEAR AND FOUR MONTHS younger than me and in the end I am the baby and you are the MAN!_ Thrilling _! "_

_"You're nuts, really. And you're reading too much science fiction. "_

_"And you too many history books. What do you like about hanging out in the past? "_

_"I just like the simple times of yore."_

“ _Past times only seem easier to us because someone wrote the solution to all the problems from the past into the history books. One day a historian will call 2017 the 'good old days' and now it's your turn.”_

_"Wise words. Who's the old geezer now? "_

_"You aren't paying attention! We do not_ know _that! Time_ is _just a construct !!! "_

_"Jerk."_

_"Thanks, I needed that."_

_Bucky is sooo weird_ , Steve thought, _I miss him so much..._

*

" _Do you want something for your birthday?_ "

" _Should I send you the doodle, where you can choose something? But you don't have to send me anything. I'm not missing out here. ;)_ "

" _I didn't want to send you_ anything _!_ " Attached was a scan of Major George Barnes' order to run for the report on July the 3rd at Fort Hamilton, New York City.

" _REALLY???_ "

" _Really. We're coming home. I'm coming home to you, Stevie._ "

" _You don't have to give me anything else. You are my_ best _birthday present!_ "

" _New York will have me again. God bless._ "

" _The mayor will definitely roll out the red carpet, you clown._ "

" _Come on, Stevie, you punk_ are _happy. :p_ "

" _:-D_ "


	18. Happy Birthday, Steve! - And America - Part I

**Happy Birthday, Steve - and America! - Part I**

The long waited for day was finally there. All the Starks were really looking forward to this party. Tony had developed romper suits made of dirt-repellent and resistant material for Peter to crawl outdoors. They were padded on the knees. As usual, he had followed the Spider-Man colors. So the little one could move around in the meadow. The unfamiliar environment frightened the baby a little so that he didn't move too far from his father. Still, you could attach a kind of leash to the suit, light and stretchy, that Tony could tie to his belt loop with a carabiner. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off his little angel all day.

They had already celebrated Steve's birthday at breakfast and he had been given plenty of presents. Otherwise, Steve had no problem sharing his day of honor with the United States. His dad gave him a self-developed fitness machine with an integrated training program, on which the boy could work out on all the muscles he wanted. Steve had long considered himself too gawky and had always wanted a fitness room. He got a fantastic mountain bike from Pepper. His brothers had selected something from the doodle list that was given to all guests before the party. Steve was very happy.

He was doubly happy because Bucky, whose father had have to serve nine long months on Hawaii, had returned to New York just in time the day before and could be there. Bucky had texted with him less often than Steve had wished for over the months, but Bucky had been with someone there and understandably had little time.

Steve hoped he would like Peggy. He and the girl hadn't gotten on particularly well with their relationship in the past few months, but at least they kissed on on a daily basis, with their mouths closed although.

Bucky was an only child and fervently envying Steve for his band of brothers. He had always been very nice to everyone and liked to play with all of them. Steve was also happy that he finally got to know the smallest Stark. Because Peter had all hearts in the house in his tiny grip. Bucky would _love_ him like everyone else, for sure.

At 2:00 p.m., the guests gradually rolled in, there were still plenty of gifts for Steve. Peggy gave him a pretty little pocket watch with a picture of her in the lid. Afterwards, he hoped, he would kiss her for it, maybe even in a little more – well – serious way if they were alone for a moment. At that time, of course, he was the life and soul of the party – it _was_ his birthday after all. And he actually thought that he really liked it! He chatted with everyone and was charming and sociable.

He only was a little shy with Wanda Maximoff. The attractive 19-year-old in the short sexy dress was making him a little nervous. However, he got on brilliantly with her twin brother Pietro. They talked animatedly about Steve's upcoming work out program. So far only Peter Quill had just arrived out of Thor's friends group. Tony had immediately kindly but very firmly asked him to put the raccoon on a leash. After all, these animals had a habit of considering everything on the ground as their property and food, and he would be very sorry to have to kill his son's friend's beloved pet if it got too close to his baby. In addition to the Titan girls, the others from Thor's peers had to cancel because they were away for holidays.

Besides Peggy another friend of Steve's was attenidng the party, Sam Wilson, a boy who clinged to Steve like a burdock and seemed to worship the floor his friend was walking on. He was a nice but somewhat shy black boy, his parents owned a drug store in Hell's Kitchen. He seemed a bit boring because he only repeated what Steve was saying. But that didn't seem to bother him. Steve got along very well with him, but that wasn't a wonder. He never contradicted him.

Mr Titan delivered his girls at 2:20 p.m. His booming voice was unmistakable. "Don't shame me, daughters. You are guests here. "

Tony hurried over to say hello to the kids and Titan. He knew how touchy the man was. Titan, of course, was well-distrusted of rich people and thought they always thought they were something better. Tony, who knew that he was at least _somehow_ better than the puffed up idiot - not because he was rich but because he had common sense, went out of his way to not live up to this prejudice.

"Mr. Titan! Don't you have a little spare time? Join us for a quarter of an hour.” From the corner of his eye, he saw his wife's eyes widen in panic. But he knew Titan better and, yes: "Stark! Thanks but no. I'll be making better use of the time that was given to me by a worthless holiday. Projects are awaiting me that cannot be delayed. ”

Tony skilfully faked regret and then turned to Gamora and Nebula. "Hey, kids. Nice of you to come” “Good afternoon, Mr. Stark, sir.” It came back in unison. Titan was still within earshot and was considered very strict and attentive. "I'll show you around briefly so that you can find everything you'll need at this party."

Tony showed them where to get soft drinks and ice cream, the washrooms in the pavilion, the bouncy castle and the changing rooms for the pool (all guests who wanted to use the pool were asked to bring swimwear with them) Wanda was already lying on a lounger in an extremely small bikini and Tony feared for the mental health of his boys, hormonally plagued by puberty. Well, at least Loki and of course Peter were spared from it yet.

The two girls were restrained and shy like deer. Gamora was a cute black girl who would surely grow into a beauty with a pretended dignity and imperturbability that did not suit her youth. Nebula, a little younger, didn't even smile in the slightest at Tony's little jokes. Her large green eyes looked serious and - a bit unsuitable for her age - very wise. She looked intelligent and with her delicate skin and deep red hair she would surely also become a very distinctive woman. At the moment she apparently did not care. She had her beautiful hair cut painfully short and in an uncared for mop, dressed in khaki shorts and a polo shirt from Sanctuary High. After the tour he released them with the words:

"I want you to feel at home. Have a good time!” Gamora thanked him politely and her sister nodded curtly. Then they fled off looking for Thor.

He and Quill were in the bouncy castle and fought a game fight. The raccoon they had named Rocket was tied up in front of it and looked extremely pissed off. The two girls looked at each other briefly, then removed their dignity and plunged into the fray.

Loki, who hadn't invited anyone, had a lively conversation with Bruce about chemistry, while Natasha was joking with Peter. Pepper just was welcoming Happy. Rhodey, who had also arrived now, ran to Tony to hug him. It had been weeks again.

"I hate your job, platypus. I need you more than the United States.” “Don't say that on July the 4th. I'm already devastated to miss the parade in front of the White House and I only do that for you!” “You'll stab yourself in the heart one day with one of your hundred medals and die in a drafty military barrack. And do you know who won't shed a tear then? _MOI_.” Rhodey laughed good-naturedly. "You would cry like a little baby.” The two friends smiled understandingly at each other. The clashes over Rhodey's decision to join the military were long behind them. "Come on, have a beer." They sauntered back to the others.

"... couldn't stop Pietro from smearing that terrible white blonde dye in his hair," Nat laughed. "He looks like an idiot. But at that age we all had been tasteless, hadn't we?” Rhodey laughed. "I was growing a crazy afro when the Blax films came back into fashion during our MIT time." "Oh, yes!" Tony called, “the personified black rights!” “You are one to talk ... mullet, seriously?” Rhodes teased. "It  _was_ called fashion - look it up!"

"What was the worst thing you ever did to your looks, Bruce?" Pepper asked. The physicist writhed awkwardly. "Oh, I was never particularly brave ..." "He has a tattoo!" Natasha revealed with a grin. "Ten dollars that none of you'll guess what it is. And another ten for those who guess where it is.” “Daaarling ... ", her husband groaned tormented. Everyone was shouting over each other. Bruce was already very red as Pepper, who hadn't said anything yet piped up:

"Easy. John Lennon's iconic sunglasses on the buttocks. I don't have to tell if on the left or right one, do I?” Bruce was a fervent Beatles fan and had some merchandise products that were designed with those glasses. Since Natasha's triumphant smirk immediately collapsed, she had apparently hit the mark. Pepper looked surprised. "Really? I only guessed, honestly!” Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Miss Romanov, ..." Tony said into the silence. "... Fancy planning a double murder?" Everyone burst out with lughter and Natasha flipped a $20 note to Pepper. Tony picked Peter off the lawn, who was about to stuff a particularly tasty looking spider into his mouth. "Little angel, you will no longer have to share the inheritance with your mother. Now all you have to do is getting your brothers out of the way. Your aunt Natasha will help you for a not too small fee, I'm sure. "

*

Steve and Peggy were sitting in some distance under a tree and he was listening in an awe to her idea of a social health system, Sam was in the pool when:

"Stevie! Dude, it's so good to see your stupid face again!" Bucky! Steve jumped to his feet and turned impatiently towards his best friend's voice. And then he froze. Bucky had grown about ten centimeters last year and his somewhat skinny boy's body with arms and legs that had been too long and slanky last summer took on a significantly more masculine shape with narrow hips and wider shoulders over which a tight shiny blue shirt was stretched. His hair, which once was too long, was styled into wildly fuzzed up curls and he sported a dark stubble on his chin and cheeks.

"Happy birthday!" Bucky closed the slightely smaller one in a suffocating hug, he had dropped his backpack uncaringly next to him. "And you pulled a girl! Blimey!” Steve hadn't spoken a word. He was fascinated by this new totally changed Bucky. Peggy had got up in the meantime and looked no less impressed by this wonder boy. James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes was a feast for the eyes!

"Hi there! I'm Bucky! And you are Peggy. I still remember who you are from middle school, of course, and Steve was writing a lot about you!” His voice sounded a bit like a purr and he held out his hand to the girl. "H-hello! Yes, nice to meet you again. “, she stuttered. "Don't you want your present at all?" Bucky grinned at Steve's direction and took a lumpy parcel out of his backpack. "Thanks, Buck!" Steve automatically answered and unpacked an ... _aloha shirt_. "Sorry, I know, very original." Bucky laughed.

Steve knew he was going to have to recover from the shock anytime soon, but he was feeling so ... _weird_ when he looked at Bucky, who no longer looked like _his_ Bucky at all, who had always been so scrawny and had his hair so unfashionably long in middle school but that didn't matter, however, he was just ... the 38 school ball invitations made a lot of sense now, that for sure! _His_ Bucky, he was finally back. Steve no more bothered himself with thinking that much. He was just happy.

"Let's go have a drink," he managed at again-found ease, not even noticing that Peggy held out her hand, because they usually walked holding hands. "You have to tell me everything about Hawaii!" And Bucky started to talk. A small line soon appeared on Peggy Carter's forehead. She didn't like at all what was going on here …

Tony got aware of his son, Peggy and a young man walking across the meadow and went towards the group with Peter on his hip and called from afar: "Junior, I hope you finally offer the lovely young lady soft ice cream." The young man was no older than about 17/18 when approaching, but he had a rather masculine build, albeit very slim, and was a bit taller than Steve. And he was incredibly handsome. Tony thought back to his own thin, nerdy self at that age and was glad he wasn't 18 anymore. And when he got to the kids, his jaw dropped.

" _Bucky_?" He called, puzzled. "Mr Stark, sir!" He had gotten a deeper voice, too. "Nice to meet you again!" Tony blinked in surprise. "And belated congratulations to the offspring. Gosh! The little one just looks like you. You did a good job. Well, you are _proficient_.” The undertone in the boy's voice was - Tony couldn't describe it otherwise - _suggestive_. _No, you're making that up_ , he thought.

"Thank you. Is that _really_ you, Bucky?” He asked incredulously. The younger one laughed, it sounded like a purr again, Steve noted. He held out his hand to Tony. "I know, the new hairstyle ..." Tony took the hand and the younger man's handshake was ... firm,  _very_ firm and a bit longer than usual. “Hawaii seems to be an extraordinary place. You've changed quite a bit, Bucky.” “I'm not complaining.” The boy's intense and challenging look irritated Tony a little, then he saw Peggy staring at Bucky and his son worrying his lower lip. He understood. At least he thought so ...

"Go have an ice cream, kids, it's so hot." "Yeah, pretty ... _hot_." Bucky grinned. "Come on, Bucky, Peggy and I want some ice cream," Steve pressed through his teeth. "See you, Mr. Stark!" Bucky said, then he was tickling Peter under the chin. "I'll see you too, Mini-Stark!" Then the teens toddled off to the ice cream maker. Tony went back to his friends.

They were having a lively conversation about 'old' couples. "It's a fact. You love them, but there is always this one thing that we cannot stand with our loved one. That drives us crazy, unfortunately not in a good sense. When we grind our teeth and stand our hair on end. “, Natasha of course. "Honey, I can't imagine what  _that_ could be," Bruce said dryly and everyone laughed. Pepper looked thoughtful.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Everyone turned their heads in her direction. "Come on, you are married to Tony Stark, you should have a long list for it!" "Definitely" (Rhodey) "I can guarantee." (Happy). "No" Pepper said confidently. "Tony is perfect." For that, she got a roar of laughter. "What?" She asked, laughing desperately. "Take Bruce.", "Who else...", He threw in dryly and received laughter.

Everyone was silly and exuberant, but they were all happy that the family was completely assembled again. They just belonged together. Tony Stark had gathered a small group of people who had become a team, who got along great with each other and all of them had one thing in common: Tony Stark loved them.

"So: Bruce." Natasha continued. "It' driving me crazy how he's always standing there and wringing his hands and looking like this silly armadillo, you know what I mean." She googled an armadillo. The resemblance was striking. Everyone laughed. "I hate that she's always right," grinned Bruce.

"Yes. Pepper and now your turn, go! Come on, your husband is Tony Stark, a gigantic pain in the neck!” Pepper raised her hands defensively. "No, Nat, no chance. He can be challenging, but I love him just the way he is.” Rhodey laughed. "Now she's only saying that, to be simply perfect again which is what exactly she is!" Pepper smiled warmly to the old friend at his kind words."Correct!", Happy called out. "Pepper Potts Stark, a _sain_ t. You have to be one when you're married to Tony.” Pepper raised her chin and looked a bit arrogant, Stark Industries level of arrogant.

"I'm just married to a perfect genius." "Oh, Pep ..." Natasha groaned. "Just that arrogant sniff he's always doing." Everyone except Pepper nodded in agreement. "Tony's  _not_ sniffing, he's too well behaved for that.", She shook her head reproachfully. "Pepper, admit it!" Rhodey called. "That's really annoying!" He gathered himself briefly and then sniffed before continuing. "Did you hear that?" “Tony in the flesh", Natasha nodded. "I really don't know what you're talking about." Pepper defended herself.

Tony came to them with Peter. He sniffed audibly. "You won't believe what the Barnes boy was doing there." Natasha pointed exaggeratedly at his face and looked at Pepper. "That!" Everyone except Tony and Pepper laughed out loud. "What the ... ?" Tony didn't get any further. Pepper kissed him on the nose. And then she told the group: "That's _cute_ and you're all crazy." "You're doing something damn right, Tony." Bruce sighed. Natasha said dryly, "It's his lot of money." Again everyone laughed except Tony.

"Is the fruit punch too strong or what's going on here?" Pepper patted his arm. "They just wanted to get me to admit that you are not perfect. They haven't succeeded. Never could." She looked at her husband in love, but before she could kiss him, Happy called: "Stop! You've already made enough babies.” Now _everyone_ laughed.

Pepper wouldn't even admit even under torture what her 'I'll kill him when he's sleeping' - trigger was. She hated it when he turned his legs outward. He always looked like an embarrassed twelve-years-old. And he kept doing that, times on end! By the way, Tony hated that his wife couldn't have pens in her hands without constantly clicking them when she wasn't writing with them. It was driving him insane and she knew it. Although he ( _almost_ ) never said anything about it.

"What I wanted to tell you ...", Tony had put Peter on the ground, he had been fidgeting in his arms, this child was constantly on the move! Everyone watched the cute little one for a short while and when the baby wanted to increase his radius, Tony put the "leash" on.

"I'm sorry, Underoos, but I have guests and I want to spend some time with them." "Why do you actually call your baby after a children's underwear brand?" Natasha wanted to know. Pepper replied: "Underoos has released a superhero baby bodysuit series and Tony discovered bodies with Spider-Boy ..." " _Man_!" Tony hissed. Pepper rolled her eyes. "... Spider-MAN. He ordered a dozen of them and Peter's wearing them every day. ”

"May I finally tell you what's going on with teenage drama?" Tony interjected. Everyone looked at him intently.

"So: Steve's best friend Bucky, who has been overseas with his family for quite some months, is coming back and trying to steal his girl from him." "No!" "Really now?" "Incredible," were the reactions. "As I tell you. I have never seen so much big dick energy in my whole life and _I_ am Tony Stark!” Everyone in the group grinned. "The boy' standing in front of me, is - how could it be otherwise - a bit taller than me and shot the bull in front of Steve and his girlfriend. I've never seen anything like that. As if he was trying to make me blush. So provocative and this closeness! My god, I thought 'Woah - get out of my personal space'. Like a hooligan in the schoolyard who spotted the biggest fish. And then he put on a 'this-town-is-too-small-for-us-both-attitude.' Tony laughed. "I've been a bit long out of that age, I wasn't able to react at all."

Pepper had become a little thoughtful at the story. But she remained silent and only resolved to keep an eye on it. "I tell you, the little shit did all that to impress Peggy." The group made sympathetic comments. "Poor Steve." "Yes, poor Steve. Because: there's no lie, Bucky Barnes is by far the best-looking high schooler I've ever seen. Although I am convinced that Thor will outstrip him some time.” Everyone agreed. Thor was an extraordinarily beautiful boy.


	19. Happy Birthday, Steve! - And America - Part II

**Happy Brithday, Steve – and America – Part II**

Thor and his friends were sweaty from fooling around in the bouncy castle and decided to go swimming. They tied the raccoon Rocket to a deck chair and after having happily romped around for a while, they lay down in the late afternoon sun.

"Your life's not bad at all." Quill sighed, fishing for his Coke next to him. "Yes, that's right ..." Thor replied lazily. "Do you inherit all of this?" Gamora asked him curiously. She was already 14 and has recently seen her younger friend in a different light. Thor had had a growth spurt and his body started to change. The shoulders got a little wider and now in the summer in the summer. The golden blond hair glowed in the sun and his blue eyes flashed under his deep black long lashes - the only thing he had inherited from his father. Quill, who had a crush on her, made a face.

"As if that was the most important thing in life ..." Everyone looked at him questioningly. "Yes, that's right. Thor is rich. So what? Does that make him happy?“, he asked defiantly. Thor laughed. "Pop always's saying 'Your mother and me are rich, you haven't got anything' I don't even know what that's supposed to mean." Nebula snorted. "Isn't that obvious?" She looked around coolly. "Do you think his parents want him to rest on his future legacy and do nothing with his life? If he was an only child ... but like that?” Thor frowned. Then he grinned. "If it goes after that, then I don't get anything. My grade sheet left my pop speechless and that means something! "

"Are you proud of that?" Nebula asked coldly. Thor fell silent. It was not often that insecurity crept into his well-proportioned features. "I'm not doing thatt on purpose. I'm just not able to study properly. My thoughts just fly away like that.” His friends looked at him sympathetically. They knew how hard high school was for Thor. "How am I supposed to keep up? My pop is a genius, my mom is a mathematician and runs the largest company in the world. Steve is a careerist and Loki is super smart like Pop.” He sighed.

"Be glad you're not like Loki. Better to have bad grades than being a weirdo. ”, Quill laughed. Thor glared at him. "Don't you  _say_ that about my brother!" "Oh, come on. Always sitting alone at lunch, reading books during the breaks. Nobody wants to be his friend!” Thor looked a bit sad. "Yes, poor guy." Gamora leaned forward.

"Hey, what do you think? Invite him to our table next year.” Quill looked at her in disgust. "What?" She asked snappily. "Problem?" He held up his hands and grinned, he hoped, confidently. "No, no, of course not. We can soon change our name from Guardians to Loserclub.” Thor's eyes narrowed to angry slits. "Loki is my  _brother_ !" "The week before last at school he made Miss Miller cry. She took sick leave for the rest of the school year! "

Miss Miller was a very popular teacher. Always friendly, always funny and she called all students either 'honey', 'darling' or 'sweetie'. Loki had spoken to her face that he thought it was a miracle how she'd made it to university. Then he had torn up their math problem and her solution and really embarrassed her to tears. That was why Tony had of course been “summoned”.

Dr Strange threw him out of his office because Tony had laughed out loud about the math problem and Miss Miller was leaving a room crying because of a Stark for the second time. In the end Pepper had balanced out the whole story with a lot of diplomatic skill. She was furious. Not so much with Loki, but very much with Tony, because Dr Strange, who had never given her an approval or rejection for the party, would certainly not come afterwards. Of course, she couldn't tell her husband that, so they quickly got on again.

"Loki is just ..." Thor couldn't think of anything. "Adopted?" Laughed Gamora. "Wha-at?" "That was a joke! Or wait, just wait ... _is_ he adopted?” She asked a little anxious now, had she touched a dark family secret? Thor and Quill looked at her with wide, quizzical eyes. "Um ..." Thor said.

"Nonsense," Nebula stated. “Loki will be in our class next year, although he's two years younger than us. It was the same with your father, wasn't it? He finished high school rather quickly.” Thor, who've known that but didn't think his friends knew that, too, looked at her in surprise. "Come on, Thor. That's in all the media about Stark Industries! I'm wishing to be an inventor, too...” she said dreamily. At that moment, Wanda came back to the pool.

"Hello children, are you having a good time?", She asked gently and then draped her breathtaking body, which was barely covered in this bikini, on a lounger next to them. Thor and Quill were stunned. Nebula sighed inaudibly. So now it was beginning ... puberty and boys. Gamora stared at her angrily and did not tolerate any contradiction to have an ice cream.  _Immediately_ .

Loki was sitting under a tree, a book in his lap, but his thoughts wre wandering. He had been pleased that his parents had finally agreed to let him move to a higher class. Then he became aware that he'd be in Thor's class! Thor. His popular, handsome, always funny and carefree big brother. Loki sometimes doubled up in embarrassment when Thor let out something particularly stupid.

For example, when he asked if the Brexit their parents talked about at dinner meant that the 'English islands' as he called them (again embarrassment to the core) would then be pulled away from Europe with heavy, strong boats so no one could cheat ( Extremely embarrassing). Their parents had been speechless briefly, then mother had browsed the ineternet with Thor, showed him a children's news site and explained Brexit to him. Loki got the impression that he wouldn't have been much smarter in the slightest afterwards.

But on the other hand, Loki was jealous of his brother. He had friends, he was popular, he was tall and good-looking. And Thor was always happy! He was always in a good mood and walked through life so careless and without any fear or anxiety that Loki was convinced his brother would go way further in life than himself. Although he was very smart himself, maybe almost as brilliant as his father. But father was so ... he was so ...

Loki clenched a fist, then, startled, smoothed the page in his book on 'From Alchemy and Magic to Modern Chemistry', which he had battered. Loki didn't  _hate_ his father. But sometimes when the strange feeling crept over him that Tony Stark was something like a king, even a  _god_ , he asked himself unwantedly if he really belonged to this family ... Everyone was so confident and totally different from himself.

Steve wasn't stupid, but most likely you could call him widely interested, hardworking and striving. Loki didn't know what to do with him most of the time. Thor  _was_ a bit stupid, but Loki really  _loved_ him. Thor was always there for him, vouched for him, sometimes even got to fight for ihm when the other children were mean to him in school yard. But he couldn't show it to his brother. Most of the time he couldn't even admit it to himself. Peter was a real angel and everyone was attached to him and he in turn to everyone that you could almost feel that there was a real bond. Loki sighed. And then there was his  mother ...

The boy loved his mother very much, and sometimes when his father made her mad or even only was teasing her good-naturedly, Loki was so angry with him. The boy was troubled by guilt. He just couldn't forgive his father for being so…  _lucky_ ! His father was a genius, had been an unpopular child like himself, small and thin like himself. That, he had been told a dozen of times. And Loki just couldn't figure out how he had managed to get everything he had now.

Father had mother (!), Was the most successful businessman in the world, he had friends (albeit few, but good ones) and - he looked at the group around Tony Stark - he was such a confident, arrogant,  _satisfied_ person! Loki was convinced that Thor would end just like hims. Not a genius, but maybe a rock star or top athlete. Loki threw the book down on the ground in frustration. He was hungry. There would be a barbecue soon, thank goodness. He shoved the dark thoughts into the back of his mind and scrambled to his feet. He had wanted to show this book to Uncle Bruce for a long time.

Tony saw his youngest, up to Peter's birth, chatting excitedly with Bruce on the lawn. They were leaning over a thick book. He closed his eyes briefly. Why couldn't the boy love him the way hewas wishing for? He had always tried so hard about Loki. The boy was so clever and actually much more like himself than all of his other children. But Loki had always preferred his mother to himself from an early age, which was okay for Tony. But Loki had always kept Tony at a distance.

The older he got, he seemed more and more suspicious, sarcastic (hell, he had already been like this when he was eight!) And more defensive. Tony sighed. Also in terms of the complicated love-hate relationship he' had with his own father, Loki was probably more like him than he liked ... He grabbed Peter, who was just picking at the grass next to him, and pressed him intimately to his chest. "Please, baby, please please, aplle of my eye, my underoos ... do love me, otherwise you'll break my heart." He whispered in the wriggling baby's ear. Peter groped for Tony's hair and his little fists pulled the strands with an unexpected force, so that tears rose in his eyes. Well, maybe they had been there before ...

"Say Dada. Come on. DA-DA! “, Tony, who urgently needed a fatherly sense of achievement, tried his luck. Peter looked at him with round eyes. "Gluh!" " _Dada_ " "Blabl" Pepper looked over at them and called with a laugh: "Be patient, he'll know in no time, Tony!" "Do-nyy," said the baby, looking at his father with huge bambi eyes. He froze. "What?" He gasped, "Was that about ... WHAT?" Everyone nearby approached curiously. There seemed to be something important going on.

"Do-ny!" The little boy called cheerfully. Pepper, Natasha, Rhodey, Happy and of course Tony got round eyes, their mouths were open. "Did he ...?" "What did Peter say?" "Was that 'Tony'?" And then Peter started, apparently happy with the reaction of his audience: "Do-ny, Do-ny, Dony!" His parents looked at each other speechlessly. Pepper amused, Tony a little desperate.

"Bruce, you have to see that!" Nat cried. Bruce pushed the book into Loki's lap and joined the others.  _Typical,_ the boy thought. Peter decided to do his new trick again. "Dony, Dony, Dony." Tony hugged him happily "That's a start. From now on you'd better call me 'Daddy', honey, so that the little one's learning it.” “Certainly not.” Pepper laughed. "'Tony' is better than what I said to you last night," she grinned. Everyone groaned. "The two of you are really horrible. It's a wonder you don't have ten children.” Rhodey growled. Tony and Pepper just looked at each other happily while their friends all laughed.

*

Thor was lying in the grass, Quill was ogling Gamora, Nebula was playing with Rocket.

"Do you already know what you want to do after school?" She asked the group. Rocket had rolled over on his back and she was rubbing his stomach. "Quill and me will form a band," Thor replied, "We are going to be famous and give concerts all over the world!" "Yes!" Quill jumped onto the car enthusiastically. "We call ourselves Guardians of the Galaxy!" Gamora snorted: "Far too long, you need something more catchy." "Gods of Asgard!" Gamora laughed. "That's better!" " _Ass_ guardians," suggested Nebula, grinning, she had skilfully emphasized the first syllable. "Oh, I know: Love and Thunder!" Thor boomed. "And who is who?" Asked Gamora. "I'm Thunder, it's clear." "I don't want to be Love," Quill grumbled." „You can be the ass of the Assguardians," Nebula teased.

"What about you Gamora, what are you going to do after school?" Quill changed the topic. She raised a shoulder. "Don't know, going to college. Sports degree maybe.“ „Dad sure's planning on something else.“ „I don't care. Maybe I'll piss him off and get married right after high school, have five children and raise them all to become Republicans.” Nebula admired her big sister for her guts. She didn't dare to talk about their father like that.

"I want to get my master's in mechanical engineering. I absolutely need a scholarship for this. Dad's never paying for a good college.” Unspokenly hanging over them was the fact that Mr. Titan was unable to do so financially. "Oh, Neb, you have great grades! Maybe you can get to MIT like my pop.” That was be a dream Nebula dared not to get into too much.

"Thor!" His mother called across the meadow. "Please look for Steve and his friends, honey. The buffet is set up.“ "Yes, Mom!" He called back. Then quieter: "Great! I'm really hungry. Come on, maybe we'll catch Steve snogging!” Everyone giggled, after all, as different as they were, they were all still young enough to think of everything about love and sex - although quite interesting - very funny.

*

Sam Wilson looked sourly. The Starks garden party was great and he had only recently become closer friends with Steve, so it was his first. But since this guy had appeared, it had been kind of less fun. He knew Bucky from school, of course, but only briefly. Sam hadn't attended the same middle school as Steve and his friend. When Steve had come to the pool with Peggy and Barnes earlier, armed with ice cream and soft drinks, he had to look twice (or rather: three to four times) to recognize the classmate in the handsome boy.

James Buchanan Barnes looked at least two years older than all of them. And damn good. Sam had observed out of the corner of his eye that even Steve's beautiful older cousin, or what you would call her, had eyed him with interest. Bucky Barnes didn't seem to notice. He was talking and talking, looking intensely at Steve all the time, barely taking his eyes off him. And Steve was listening devotedly. The two had been inseparable for years, Sam knew that, but he hoped Steve wouldn't forget him as soon as the guy came back from Hawaii.

"Show me your little choppers, Stevie, you texted me your _nemesis_ , the braces are gone!" Bucky was laughing. Steve grinned broadly at him. "Gosh, you now have teeth like a Hollywood star!" "Ach ..." Steve replied blushing. A side glance at Peggy could have been a look in the mirror for Sam. She was showing the same slightly sour expression as he did.

Pietro came around and took a look at the kids, then his twin sister, curiously. He said two or three sentences in Russian to her that made her laugh in a deep voice. She got up smoothly from the deck chair, threw her silky hair back and wrapped her curves in a beach towel. "Gay, unfortunately.” she told her brother in Russian, shoving her hand into his crook of the arm. The two of them went back to the party laughing.

Bucky had taken Russian classes in high school for three years now. He had stopped talking and watched them frowning. "Did you understand that?" Sam asked him more unfriendly than he actually wanted. Bucky quickly caught himself and lied: "Not everything, but I think he said 'there will be food soon'."

And then Thor and his colorfully bunch of friends came to the pool. Everyone looked a little disappointed. Nobody was smooching. Gamora's eyes fell on Bucky and her drop like a mile. Quill made a face and Nebula pushed her sister in the side. "Mom says I should get you to the barbeque." "Thor! Have a look at you, boy, you have grown!” Bucky jumped up and tousled the younger boy's hair. “Bucky!” "Who allowed you to grow taller than me or Steve?" "It wasn't dad, I guess." Steve laughed. "Good you're back, Bucky.”, Thor exclaimed enthusiastically. He  _liked_ Steve's friend!

"You have to tell me everything about Hawaii! Did you get a flower chain every day?” “Two of them, actually, every day. One in the morning and one in the evening.” Bucky grinned. "I'd love to go to Hawaii but pop always only goes to this farm with us." Bucky laughed. “You should do on vacation what you're never doing otherwise. For you Stark kids that means 'living the easy way'.” Steve and Thor rolled their eyes. Everyone had got up in the meantime and was already strolling across the meadow to the barbeque.

"Just tell, Steve, does Loki still have his nose in a book all the time? This is a party!” “He doesn't care about parties, you know him.” “You need friends for that, too,” Quill teased. Thor glared at him. "When Loki 's contend with himself, he's a happier person than many," Bucky said, correcting the boy. Thor beamed, Quill pouted and Gamora ogled. "I'm saying hello to the little smart fellow." Bucky ran to Loki. Everyone looked after him, Sam, Quill and Peggy a little begrudging. Thor adoringly, Nebula appreciative, Gamora doe-eyed and Steve, well, Steve's face was unreadable, even if someone had looked at him. Bucky was just like..., he was so ...  _changed_ !

The catering service was preparing the goodies freshly and the whole party was feasting with great appetite. There were burgers, Russian sausages (" _Funny_ , Tony!", Natasha commented), seafood, grilled vegetables, vegan tortilla and a huge selection of delicious salads and different sorts of bread. Sam had already left, he wanted to shoot up real fireworks with his dad and his siblings rather than watch the harmless digital Stark version and he was living a bit farer away. Peggy had joined him, complaining of a headache, living very close to the Wilsons.

Steve dutifully took her and Sam to the driveway where Mr. Wilson was already parked. So he didn't kiss Peggy goodbye, wished Mr. Wilson a nice evening and Peggy a speedy recovery. When he got back to the party, Bucky was standing with his dad, fooling around with Peter, who was on his father's arm. Bucky was pretty close to his dad. But that was definitely because he was pinching Peter's nose. He went to the three and heard:

"... shorter hair really looks stunning on you, sir." Tony thanked him politely for the compliment and seemed relieved to see his eldest. "Junior! I'm putting Peter to bed, be a good boy and represent me with our guests, right?” “Big footsteps, Steve." Bucky called grinning, which gave him two puzzled looks. Tony went to the house with Peter and Bucky watched them go. Natasha, who was standing next to Wanda, swore suppressed in Russian and then asked her daughter, also in Russian:

"Did the kid just look at his  _ass_ ?" Wanda laughed. "Unbelievable, isn't it? Well, otherwise there are only children or Pietro with his stupid hair to eye a bit for a gay man.” “And dad!”, Natasha insisted. "What about me?" Bruce asked curiously, he was just coming to them and stopped in front of them, in the 'armadillo pose'. Wanda and her mother glanced at each other and snorted. Natasha shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "Or really only Tony." "What are you talking about?" Bruce laughed. Of course he also understood Russian.

"Mom just told me how sexy she still thinks you are, papa." Wanda winked at her father. Bruce blushed and Natascha kissed him on the cheek. Tony soon came back with his baby monitor ear plug. Pepper, who had already drunk quite a bit of champagne, looked at him with sparkling eyes. "You look like James Bond." Rhodey rolled his eyes and nudged Happy next to him.

"I've always imagined James Bond larger," he laughed. "Ha ha." Tony just asnwered. He looked around. All of his guests looked pleased and content, obviously everyone liked the food and themselves. When he watched Thor's clique briefly, he noticed the older one of the Titan girls eating a sausage. He considered shortly whether he wanted to say anything about it, but then decided that the girl was old enough to make her own decisions.

Gamora nibbled at her sausage with relish. Nebula had wanted to stop her, but Thor and Quill had encouraged Gamora. "Mmm, that's so so  _good_ !", the girl sighed and Nebula, one eye on Thor's half-eaten burger, pecked around in her carrot salad with decreasing joy. Thor held it out to her. "Try it out?" "Yeah, come on Nebula, that's not the end of the world – it's just a burger! The cow's already dead." Quill called. "The burgers are even better than the sausages!" Said Gamora now, too. "Have you eaten one, too?" "Sure." Gamora raised her chin in triumph. Nebula glared at her big sister. She always had to outdo her little sister. Cooler, bolder, prettier. Reluctantly, she took half the burger from Thor's hand and took a deep breath when ...

" _Nebula_ !" Her father's voice boomed across the grounds. Titan took great strides towards the children. Tony had started moving immediately. Good, that raccoon was among the kids. He and Mr. Titan reached the young people at the same time. "Daughter!" "Nebula, are you actually feeding the raccoon with my $20 burgers? I can take you two to the garbage cans, because then the little fur ball'd have way more fun having foos in the usual setting.” Everyone stared at him.

"Mr. Titan! Come have a beer with us, I want to introduce you to my friends. And Nebula ... “, he turned to the girl and winked. "... now he has already eaten half of it, give him the rest too, nobody wants that anymore anyway." Nebula stuttered, "Y-yes, Mr. Stark." She was very pale in the face, but seemed to have regained her composure. Tony dragged the reluctant beefy man away from the kids. Thor looked like he was going to say something stupid any second because he didn't understand what was going on.

"Natasha!" Tony called, looking at her intently. "I want to introduce Mr. Titan to you." The Russian had heard what had happened there and put on her most charming smile. "Mr. Titan! Tony has told me so much about you. My name is Natasha Romanov, but my friends're calling me Nat.” She shook hands with Titan and she batted her lashes like a Hollywood star. Tony grinned contentedly. Nat was the right person for this job. She _really_ was. Mr Titan suddenly got all butterflies and futtery and awkward while Natasha chatted with him. The host shoved a beer into his hand with the words: “Stay with the fireworks, Mr. Titan. It's gonna start in a few minutes. "

During the fireworks display, which was truly a masterpiece of the SENF technology, Natasha joined Tony. "I saw you getting the girl out of trouble there, well done," she said quietly with appreciation in her voice. "The guy is completely off his rockers." "Oh, Titan is a nuisance, but he sold his family's mansion to be able to manage the school fees for Gamora. The younger one, Nebula, got a scholarship. "

"You _like_ the moron?" "No, but he's doing as much as he can for the girls. Except feeding them burgers. Titan has the best intentions and is trying hard. The two girls did quite well, especially the Nebula, sharp as a knife she is. He can't do too much wrong.“ „But he can't stand up to Super-Daddy, right?“ Nat laughed. "Daddy _Supreme_ , please." Tony grinned.

"That definitely would be your stripper name," Natasha said dryly. Tony laughed. "What are you talking about strippers?" Pepper hung on Tony's arm and kissed his ear. "Not today, Pep, I've got it in my back. Then the dance moves won't be on point.” Pepper was pouting a little. "I guess i'm getting a little... er..." "... ' _tipsy_ ' is the word, yes, darling." "Are you mad about that?" His wife looked at him with big eyes. How could he, she was  _so_ cute. "Only if you don't immediately take your hand off my butt, there are still children here." "I'll save it for later.”

*

Everyone was gone. It was 11:20 pm and Bucky, the only one staying with them, was lying on the couch in Steve's room, staring into the darkness.

"Steve, you still awake?" “ _Now_ I am, someone was babbling at me.”, was Steves sleepy reply. Bucky grunted in amusement. "I missed you." "I missed you too, Bucky." “You did well enough, didn't you? Peggy is really cute.” There was no response for a while. "Steve?" "I'm still awake." "Is that something serious?" He heard Steve sigh. "I do not know. We have a lot in common, but ... and Nalu and you?” “Didn't work.” “I'm sorry.” “Don't have to." After another long pause: "Steve?" “Yeah?" “I... I am... I am gay." A long pressing silence followed quite after. Bucky closed his eyes in horror. He hadn't exactly known what he was hoping for, how Steve would react, but he at least had expected that he would react at all!

Bucky is  _gay_ ? Bucky  _is gay_ ! Steve thought. The way he was looking at dad ... Steve grimaced in confusion.  _That_ suddenly made a terrible sense. He was glad that his friend couldn't see him in the dark, his face burned with shame and ... what was that? Was that ...  _jealousy_ ? - Nonsense! I have a girlfriend! He wasn't really in love with, as he had to admit to himself. He felt a sudden pang of guilt.

"You're not saying anything," Bucky's low and quiet voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He swallowed hard. "Bucky. I thank you for your trust. I mean, you told me, that's ... great! Uh, not that you're gay is great, but that you told me. I ... yes I am glad that you trusted me with this ... and of course it is not  _not_ great that you're gay, I mean ... " Steve was sweating with stress and holding his breath. What would Bucky think about the nonsense he was making? At first, Bucky said nothing. He was lying on the couch struggling with his disappointment and maybe even with his tears, but Steve wasn't allowed to know that ... so he collected himself and:

"Of course I trust you! You are my very best friend!” “And you are mine!” Steve hurried to say, he couldn't do anything wrong with that. Or could he? Bucky heard only Steve's relief and suddenly felt miserable. Right into the  _friendzone_ , great! "I know! Good night, Steve.” “Night, Bucky.” “I'm glad to be back.” “I'm glad too! ... But ... you were with Nalu ... how long have you known that you... are gay?" Bucky sighed.

"Nalu is a Hawaiian unisex name but usually more common with boys. ' My' Nalu  _was_ a boy. I didn't want to text you this, I just wanted to tell you in person. And I've thought so for a while. Since Charlie didn't work out, I considered to try it out the other way 'round next time and now I know for sure.” "Oh," said Steve, not knowing what to say next. "Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, let's try the fitness machine your dad gave you! Hot stuff!” “Okay.” Steve didn't want to know whether the 'hot stuff' was only related to the fitness machine or also to his dad in Bucky's gay consciousness. _Oh my God..._

And Bucky? In his ' _gay consciousness_ ' there was only one thought left: Steve 's not supposed to know anything about his feelings towards him – NEVER!


	20. Bucky and Steve - Another Intermezzo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture at the end.

**Steve and Bucky – Another Intermezzo**

„ _Hey, you've been quite quiet lately. I'm not seeing anything of you these days!“_

„ _I'm terribly busy. Junior high is a trip to hell and back – watch my words! Start looking forward to that endless misery and torment For English Class I have to read three novels, a bunch of poems and what's feeling like a hundred theater plays – due to homecoming. There's a break-down anywhere in it, I swear. I'm essaying the shit out me for this class and I'm told – each and_ every fucking _time - I'm not going into_ detail _enough on the topics. How much can one single person rant about a poem which is describing the summer sky's colour? It's fucking_ blue _!“_

„ _You hate writing essays, why have you chosen Advanced English after all?“_

„ _Oh, wisecracker that you are! What would you have rather adviced me then? Social sciences?_ Arts _? At least I'm proficient in this language. What could have been a real problem about a class called 'English'?_

„ _Writing ass long essays perhaps?“_

„ _Smart-ass!“_

*

„ _You wanna go see Kingsman 2?“_

„ _I'd love to, Taron Egerton, come on – man's hot as_ fuck _! But I don't have the time. I've got so much work to do.“  
  
„Come on, Buck, you need a break or you'll go nuts!“_

„ _What's making you think I'm not alreday_ totally _bonkers? Except of Tech and IT I'm not getting any homework or test back without the 'see me after class'-note. I'm getting the impression, I've had my break already: eight months at a US military high school. I haven't learned_ shit _there!“_

„ _I'm sure, you're getting the grip soon! You_ are _– after all – a smart guy. Keep your tail up!“_

„ _Nothing's_ up _with me at the moment. Well, at least nothing_ helpful _.“_

„? _“_

„ _I was trying to be funny. Seems, I'm failing at_ that _, too, now.“_

„ _I'll try that out, give me a chance – just_ one _night at the cinema, come on!“_

„ _I'm sorry, I'm miserable company, just ask Sam.“  
  
„Taron Egerton for _Sam _is just like to cast pearls for the swine.“_

„ _You're right, I guess.“_

„ _So?“_

„ _No, I'm sorry, I can't! I have to study.“_

_*_

„ _Any plans for christmas break?“_

„ _Well, apart from studying? You?“_

„ _I'm about to go snowboarding with Sam first week in January. Wanna join?“_

„ _What's Sam thinking of_ that _idea?“_

„ _Why do you ask? It's not like we're going on an exclusive one-on-one-trip!“_

„ _I don't think, Sam's on the same page as you there.“_

„ _What_ are _you talking about?“_

„ _Nevermind. I actually can't come anyway. Phillip's just sent me an incredibly large folder full of files to work on during the holidays. Stuff from Sophomore – and that means Sophomore of a_ real _school, not that clown's_ school _I was attending to last year!“_

„ _I just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.“_

„ _Yeah, I know, Stevie... thank you? Enjoy your trip!“_

_*_

„ _I've seen your photoshoot of Coney Island on the school's homepage. You're going to the photography club? Since when now?“_

„ _A couple of weeks. I'm going to a lot of clubs. I just think that's somewhat blurrying my otherwise not_ that _impressing school achievements...“_

„ _But is your schedule not tight enough as it is? With all the backlog demand from Sophomore?“_

„ _Did you like my photoshoot?“_

„ _It is_ stunning _! Let's go there sometime soon again, will you? Trying out the Soaring Eagle another time? ;)“_

„ _I'm not_ that _fond of puking all over me in front of you or in general, so to speak.“_  
  
„What about your birthday? Gonna spend it with hot dogs, cotton candy, the Cyclone, …, me?“

Bucky closed his eyes briefly at that. Getting out of Steve's way hadn't helped in the slightest. He just couldn't get him out of his mind! Madly in love with the guy, that's what he was after all...He was pondering a solid two hours over his respond.

„ _Well, it's my birthday. Sweet seventeen after all. Not that I'm not the sweetest already, but then it's gonna be confirmed. Let's get there, just the two of us – just like in former times!“_

„ _What are you? One old guy?_ Former _times? Good old days? You're a weirdo.“_

„ _Punk!“_

„ _Jerk. But that's settled then? Coney Island on March the 10 th?“_

„ _Positive!“_

They had a fantastic day at Coney Island. Steve's present for his childhood friend, a small note book, bound in deep red leather and with a really affectionate devotement in Steve's neat calligraphie on the first page:

_'For my dearest and forevermore best friend,_

_May the good old days, the former times never slip from your memory. As I'm happy to be a part of it, I strongly recommend to take hold on the good that's going on in your life and you may – sometimes – be feeling the need to write down the small things that make you happy to not be forgotten over the larger things that don't._

_Love,_

_Your friend and punk Steve'_

Bucky had to swallow quite heavily over this. He tried to play it low: „Steve, you just can't give _this_ kind of thing to a gay boy, we are notorious to get all teary and whiney-feeley and dramatic and all sorts of that.“ „Now, hug me?“ And Bucky hugged Steve in honest. Love and endearment and devotion and _want_ hit him like a truck in an instant, so he quickly freed himself again.

„That's a wonderful present, Stevie, I'm gonna cherich it deeply til the end of the line and I'm gonna be writing in it, promise.“

„Ooo-kay, now you _are_ getting notoriously dramatic! But good to hear you like it. Ready for the Soaring Eagle now?“

Bucky could have sworn, Steve had had to hear his heart breaking a little more at that. Why-oh-why was he not able to get over him? _WHY_?

_*_

„ _Hey, what's going on? Me, I was being_ dramatic _of course. I literally just've nearly blown my complete high school carrer. My latest homework in English was considerated as 'insufficiant for Junior levels' and Phillips summoned me to his office to ask me if I'm willing to repeat Junior year – assumed that it is financially covered – I asked my parents... They calculated around a bit and yes: I'll still be a student at Sanctuary High, thanks to grandpa Buchanan's money...“_

„ _Bucky! That's terrible and great news at the same time! I'm so glad you won't leave Sanctuary but at the same time I am deeply sorry about your defeat. Fuck the military school on Hawaii.“_

„ _It's okay, Stevie... Thanks though. Guess, I've got some free time on my hands from now on as I'm not suppposed to be getting anywhere good with whatever fucking much work I'm doing. Movie night at yours?“_

„ _Yes, please! I've missed that! Honestly. What about Kingsmen 1 and 2? Come on, let's have a 'hot as fuck' (your words) Taron Egerton for you!“_

„ _Considerably fine. ;)“_

Bucky had thought that idea over an over again. Getting close to Steve again? To Steve, who he was in love in erneast and deeply and _endlessly_? But in the end he was thinking about a life _without_ Steve at all and that never had been quite an option! And after the incident with that girl from drama club, Gamora, who told him, even Steve's family missed out on him, he had had no other choice. He attended movie night at Steve's home and it had been as pleasant and warm and wonderful as ever, so he decided to get what he _could_ get and if that only had to be Steve's friendship, then he would endorse on that, because, well, in the end, Steve's friendship was the best thing in his life!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...of course the boy far left is NOT Sebastian Stan (haven't found a proper one) - it's like I picture a kid Bucky...


	21. Holidays at the Bartons' - Part I

**Holidays at the Bartons' – Part I**

Everyone - except Peter, of course - had been nagging a lot, but Tony insisted on this vacation and in the end everyone would turn out to enjoy it – same procedure as every year!.

Steve, who had just celebrated his 16th birthday, was devastated that Bucky had taken a full-time job over the summer holidays. He was dreaming of a motorbike and the three months in the Tesco warehouse were well paid. Steve was happy for his best friend, and he was looking forward to having a ride with him on the passenger's seat, his arms nestled around Bucky's slim hips, feeling the airstream on their faces together. Although he had an idea about his parents not being extra enthusiastic about motorbike trips …

Especially his dad. He had developed such a protective instinct since Peter was born. Sometimes it seemed as if his dad would breathe a sigh of relief if one of his sons had made a sandwich without injuring themselves. But Uncle Clint's farm in Montana was just too far from New York for Bucky to come by for a weekend. He already missed him terribly!

Thor, who had he turned 14 in April, had the craziest ideas for annual holidays as every year.

"Pop! Can't we go to Hawaii? Surfing on real waves! It's no fun in the Atlantic. Or Australia! Or go rafting in the Grand Canyon! Quill was there with his church group and someone went overboard! They searched for him with helicopters. That was amazing! Don't pull such a face, Pop, they found'd him in the end.” Tony was, as always, busy keeping Peter from climbing up the shelves (in whatever room).

"Gamora told us that one girl out of her math class is going to a paragliding camp during the summer holidays! You're living in tents in the Rocky Mountains and practice gliding every day! That would be cool!” His father's face had turned to a rather pale colour. Loki, 12, rolled his eyes artfully and remarked dryly.

"That is probably the burden that I have to bear, blessed with a family that completely lacks any pursuit of culture. A trip to London is probably not up for debate? A rare, recently discovered Shakespeare play will be premiered there in summer, but I don't have to hope that anyone of you'd care. ”

Tony had tamed his agile one-and-a-half-year-old for the moment, allured him with a bowl of colorful breakfast cereal. Peter sat on his lap and spooned fruit loops into his little mouth more enthusiastically than successfully. The 'no-sugary-breakfast-cereal-on-weekdays rule' was turned off obviously. A lot of milk went the wrong way and Tony would have to change the little one again after breakfast.

"Good morning, dear ones!", Pepper came floating into the kitchen - at least that was how it looked - wrapped in Gucci, bringing a cloud of Chanel No 5 with her. Neat as a pin and she beamed around. Everyone was wishing her good morning. "Good morning, mom." "I'll get you breakfast, mother." "Mum, you look great!" "Mommy!" "Hey, Pep," the latter was a little weak. Tony was still a little crumpled and also looked like that, he still was wearing his pajamas and hadn't combed.

"Poor darling!", But that sounded pretty chipper and not a bit sympathetic. Tony had stayed in the nursery overnight because Peter had had one of his crazy nights. The boy did not want to fall asleep for dear life and Tony had been sitting with him for hours reading, singing, playing with him, cuddling, and at some point even beginning to pray to a god he did not believe in. But Peter just didn't stop making his capers. He was turning around on end, singing, playing and babbling until the wee hours of the morning. Tony was sure that he had fallen asleep in the armchair in the nursery before the little one. He would never admit that to Pepper.

Stop keeping an eye on Peter when he wasn't sleeping was a bad idea. The little one was able to escape from every playpen, from every crib, was a master at climbing and was extremely keen to explore. When Tony woke up around seven, he was relieved to find his youngest lying in his crib, feet on the pillow, but actually _in_ it, and being sound asleep. Tony sighed. Whenever he was thinking he had gone through the worst, the full-time father job got on a higher level.

Peter was an extremely active toddler. You couldn't take your eyes off him for a second. And, for a baby, he really needed very little sleep! Tony spent many nights in the nursery. Pepper didn't liked that very much. She soon insisted on more date nights. That wasn't really helping. Tony always was really tired now and far from the entertaining, charming, interesting man he delivered in the first few weeks and short months of his full-time fatherhood. Expensive restaurants, fancy vernissages, theater premieres were hopelessly wasted on Tony.

Just like the nights in New York hotels that were meant to get him out of his home environment, his impeachment on the baby, and his daddy mode, which often ended up being Pepper in an adorable negligee coming out of the bathroom to find her husband slumbering deeply on a hotel bed. "Seriously Tony?" She scolded one evening, half joking, half serious after shaking him awake. "You are the man who once kept at least half of New York's womenkind in attention and out of breath? Who was the most desirable bachelor in half the country?“ „Pep ... but you _did_ get me ... ", he laughed sleepily, "... you're just the best." Pepper had to laugh too and was determined to make the best out of it. In the end it got really nice after all…

Then it finally was time, all of the luggage was sent to the airport and the family drove to there with their cabin baggage. "Pida tow, Pida swine, Pida thigg'n, Dony-Mida-Daak. Mummy! “, The smallest Strak crowed from the back seat. Strapped into the child seat between Steve and Thor, Peter flipped through his picture book. Loki was sitting in the back of the fond reading. Thor laughed:

"Pops, when Peter finally's saying 'daddy', you'll do a somersault with joy, right?" "You can bet on that, Sunny." "Thunny!" Tony grimaced a little. Peter talked a lot for his age: Mummy, Deve, Door, Loo-i, Scha-is, all sorts of things, lots of animals, the latest was: bider, even Mr. Stark was one of his words (Mida Daak), but he never by hook or by crook said 'daddy' to his father and Tony was hurting by that ... He had been looking forward to it since Peter's birth. Pepper, who knew that, squeezed his knee sympathetically ... He took a deep breath.

"And now tell me, boys, what are everyone's plans for the holidays?"

His parents tried to keep Peter seated on the plane, but after the end of the seatbelt signal blinking and the little boy noticed people getting up and walking around, nothing could stop him. So they released him and Tony chased him up and down the corridor. Since Peter was an extremely friendly toddler and looked adorable, nobody found anything wrong about it. Pepper's eyes were caught a few women trieyng to flirt with his attractive father and she took turn after half an hour. Her neck was already achingof all the looking out on that that.

"No honey, this is your first holiday in ages and I don't mind, honestly.“ "Well ... little one, isn't your daddy _lovely_?" the woman next to whom their exchange took place cooed. That she was looking at Tony, not Peter, gave her an icy Pepper look that Tony was refacting to in a instant. "Okay, okay ...", he held up his hands defensively. "Have fun, honey." He went back to his boys. Thor listened to music, you could hear it clearly despite the headphones. Tony tapped him on the shoulder and made a gesture that should make him turn down.

"What?" Thor called booming, "I haven't ..." Loki, next to him, pulled the headphones from his ears impatiently and rolled his eyes in annoyance, an open, thick book lying on his lap. "Oh!" Thor called, not quite as loud anymore. "It's a bit loud, isn't it?", He fixed it on the StarkPhone and put the headphones back on. "What are you reading, Puck?" Whose eyes were already in his lap again "A book." Now Tony rolled his eyes in a perfect copy of his son and gave up on the conversation.

Steve had already told his family on the way to the airport that he had planned an extensive fitness program. His father's remark, "A farmer's work will get you a lot of muscles, just take a look at Uncle Clint!" Brought a frown to Steve's forehead. Before he could begin to explain how important it was to work out with all the muscles in the body, Thor had boomed: "But Stevie doesn't get the bubble butt that he dreams of." Steve turned bright red because his immediately went to certain bubble butt that he thought about than he'd wanted to admit – even to himself.

Since Bucky had been spending more time with him for a few weeks again after a long time of radio silence, he'd thought about him a hell of a lot. And about his body ... And when Peter immediately started to sing: "bubblebudd bubblebudd!", Pepper got really upset with the colorful wording Peter – again – had caught up and strictly reprimanded her sons. A lesson about proper way of expression in front of an infant followed. Tony watched his sonys in the rearview mirror and got the impression everyone was thinking of the day last summer when the baby had bursted out something really inappropriate that he had only could have heard from his mother, but of course the three of them didn't say a word. Tony was convinced if he was alone with them would be in her place they'd told him a lesson. _Don't kid yourself, Stark, the boys are as scared of her as you!_ They _all_ feared Pepper.

"Hey, junior! Are you getting on with the work out program?” They weren't in first class, Tony usually didn't like the people in first class, all of them a pretty snobbish bunch, but he had booked nine instead of six seats so that they had a bit more space. He dropped down next to his eldest. "I'm getting up at six every day and will run around the lake first!" "Boy, you're on holidays. "Then three rounds of 20 sit-ups ..." Tony only listened to him with half an ear, he thought of work out being quite boring and just wanted to be nice, but Steve wasn't that subtle.

"I _insist_!" He suddenly heard Pepper's voice, which was used to commanding and not tolerating a contradiction. "What are you talking about? What does that even concern you? ”, A woman's voice snapped back. _Oh oh_. Tony got up and scanned the direction from which he had heard the voices. Pepper was standing in the corridor next to what was probably an empty seat Peter had climbed and glared at a woman in her 30s who was holding a tablet. Pepper now pulled Peter out of the seat, put him down next to him and said coldly:

“Just take hold back in public with your dirty needs. There are children on board.” Tony was almost right next to his wife's. "You are insane! Just go back to your seat!” “Is the seat next to you free?” Pepper smiled as sweetly as falsely. "I'm booking it." With that, she pulled her StarkPhone out of her pocket. The woman stared at her like she was dealing with a madwoman. Tony couldn't even blame her – secretly.

"Honey, it's my turn, my Peter-time!" He looked at her pleadingly. "Tony, this ... lady is watching adult content on her tablet while Peter is right next to her," Pepper hissed almost inaudibly. A few heads were already facing the small group. "Dony-mida-daak!" "Oh, please! Just photos of men without a top!” The woman looked Tony up and down and her eyes flashed. "The little one surely have seen you without a shirt at some time!" Tony felt his wife taking a deep-oh-so-deep breath next to him, that he was surprised not to fall short of breath out of lack of oxign next to her.

"Mother!", The rescue appeared in form of Loki suddenly standing there. The twelve-year-old with the lovely dark curls immediately caught his mother's attention with his serious tone and face. "I can't find my travel pills." Little actor! The weepy, childish tone and the miserable little face, he was very convincing. "Dearest! Oh god, are you sick again? Go, come quickly, I know where they are. And Tony!", That was pretty bossy again, "... take Peter and come with me, time for your pill too.“ With that she strutted, taking Loki's hand, back to their area. Tony grabbed Peter. He heard the woman murmur while he left:

"If _one_ is needing a few more pills, I _can_ imagine who that would be ..." Fortunately, Pepper hadn't heard that. Loki took a pill, got a picture book from his mother's pocket, and read it to Peter, who was sitting on his lap. Tony and Pepper now were alone in their row of seats.

"Pep ..." Tony smiled at his wife, shaking his head and gently reproving her. She immediately looked guilty, biting into her lower lip and said: “I don't know what got me there. I'm needing this holiday so necessarily ...” she sighed. "It'll be wonderful, darling." He kissed her temple. She lowered her voice to a whisper and moved closer to her husband. "I saw the pictures and then I remembered how you ..." He put his fingertips on her lips. "I know. It's ... I'm sorry I'm so tired all the time. Now we'll have two weeks of holidays. I'll make sure you get your money's worth. ”“ I'm just terrible, right? ” Tony grinned: “Go on.” For that he got a pat on the hand.

"You're taking care of Peter so thoroughly and you're managing everything with the boys so well... I should be completely happy. I _am_ , it's just ..." Pepper always felt a little uncomfortable if she didn't get enough tender affection ... and until a few months ago Tony had been ... very _active_ even for a man in his mid-forties. He was understanding. And he was pretty proud that she still was being _that_ crazy about him. He whispered something dirty into her ear and she kissed him in earnest.

"Hey, Loki, don't look, they're snogging again!", Thor's voice was probably to be heard all over the plane. The two fell apart and Tony could see that the woman Pepper's moral indignation had just hit was watching ... Then Peter cried happily: "Dony-Mida-Daak-Mummy-Tuss!" The woman coughed mockingly …

Clint Barton picked them up from the airport with his rusty pick-up. Clint was a few years younger than Tony. They had met at a trade fair for agricultural machinery, where Tony presented a Stark Industries system that could be used to control countless small robots for tillage. The billionaire had liked the farmer's dry humor and pragmatic manner, and when Barton said just out of courtesy: "Come visit us with your family!" Tony took his word for it and followed up with his clan for a weekend a few weeks later in Montana. Clint and his wife Laura were initially startled, but after a few logistical questions, such as who' gonny was sleeping where, were resolved, the four of the adults found out they really liked each other. This is how the Stark's farm holidays were established.

"How was your flight?" Tony, who was squeezed between Clint and Pepper on the front bench and held on Peter frantically, the boy squirmed a lot, you couldn't buckle up in the old vehicle, pressed out: "Good. Peter was entertaining all passengers." Peter, who had heard his name, shouted: „Pida down! Dony!” Clint laughed. "How progressive, you let your little one call you by your first name?" Tony grimaced unhappily.

"How are the kids? And Laura? ”And Clint talked a little about his family. They approached 45 minutes later. There was a big hello. Laura hugged everyone and was chatting cheerfully, the Barton kids, especially Lila, aged ten, also were rambling happily. The luggage was unloaded, sleeping spots were discussed, and in the end everyone settled in where they were told to. Tony and Pepper in the guest room with Peter. Thor asked for the tent in the garden, Steve was assigned the haystack, and Loki was happy to sleep on the couch in the underused winter garden. farm life was ready to start!

Tony and Pepper were the first to change. Pep slipped into cropped jeans shorts and a sporty blouse. She wasn't planning on wearing shoes for two weeks, and if she had to, she would only wear flip-flops. For the next two weeks she would only see her husband in checked shirts and work trousers. In addition, his accurate beard would grow out and the hairstyle will fall untidily into his forehead, but Pepper also loved her holidays' Tony.

Everyone met for a snack in the spacious and very cozy Barton eat-in kitchen and talked wildly. It was wonderful. Clint and Tony then disappeared into the tool shed, where they would repair and service everything. Lila Barton, who was incessantly begging her parents for a third sibling, had got really fond of Peter and dragged him around the farm. Peter was unusually docile and seemed to enjoy the attention very much. Cooper, the seven-year-old Barton, pulled Thor, whom he thought was really cool, to the archery range, and the two-year-old Nathaniel happily rummaged in his play box.

Loki apologized politely and toddled ofdf to the conservatory. Steve, a very dutiful boy, asked Mrs. Barton a few more polite questions until she laughed and said, “Finally call me Laura, or aunt Laura for my sake. I'm feeling really old!” Steve blushed and apologized. " _Laura,_ I would like to explore the area, excuse me?" Laura laughed again. "Gosh, you are the most sophisticated thing that ever happens to me in Montana. Go on, buddy. Take one of the bikes in the shed if you like!” When Steve left, Laura made tea and looked at Pepper across the kitchen table. "Are you all right?"

Pepper took the tea offered and sighed. "Yeah, it's great! The boys are great. Peter is developing splendidly. Tony's really having it all well under his control ...” She sighed and sipped at her tea. Laura smiled sympathetically. "But ...?" "Oh, I should be proud and happy!" Pepper snapped. "But ..." She glanced nervously at Nathaniel, but Laura waved her off. "No child prodigies with the Bartons. Shoot!“ „We're hardly _doing_ it anymore." Laura laughed cynically. "But _hardly_ doesn't really mean never, does it? In retrospect, Clint and I don't really know how we got to get Natty. That was a miracle, I guess...” Pepper swallowed, the youngest Barton was older than two years!

“That's the way it is when you have been married for a long time and have children. We get up at five and take care of the animals, Natty wakes up at six and we have to wake Lila and Cooper at half past six because the school bus's arriving shortly after seven. Sometimes we are lucky, but that doesn't happen often, and we both happen to be in the house, when Natty' sleeping in the afternoon, there's _sometimes_ about to happen a little sexy time ... that's just the way it is.” Laura smiled and looked nothing at all sad about that. Pepper was secretly ashamed. She and Tony were still making love at least once or twice a week, which didn't match their frequency in the least before Peter, but ... when she thought of the alternatives ...

"You are right, Laura," she said with all her dignity, "there are things more important." "Not really!" Laura laughed loudly, "Of course not! Sometimes I think I could _devour_ Clint, I'm so crazy about him. Sometimes _nothing_ is more important. But often you have to do other things first." Pepper was feeling a little less ashamed after that…

Meanwhile, Steve settled in the haystack and took a dozen selfies, perhaps to send one of them to Bucky. Steve was still very unconfident about his looks. Bucky had grown even prettier in the past year and was drawing a lot of attention. He was having no one yet, but that was only a matter of time to be sure. Steve sighed, deleted the 17th selfie and gave up for now. He then sent Bucky a picture of his camp that he would live in for the next two weeks. Bucky immediately texted back:

_"Looking great! Really adventurous. And is it very lonely there or will there be some_ action _in the haystack?”_ Steve frowned in frustration. Just because ... _haha_. As if.

" _Very quiet here. Later I will be going to town. There's a coffee shop, a drugstore and a church. Doh. "_

“ _You can meet very decent girls in church, Stevie! But you won't get them in your haystack! ;)”_

Steve had not yet dared to get any closer to Bucky. He didn't really know what that meant, what he was feeling, and he was ... _scared_ . That’s it. Thinking Bucky had the idea he wasn't generally interested in boys was better than being put into the friend zone by him. But that was what Steve had been in the end. Only Bucky's best friend. A fact. And besides, Steve was not in the least interested in boys in general. But very much in Bucky ...

_"Steve?"_ Steve didn't know what to answer when another message came in:

_"I have to keep going here, buddy. Mr. Greyson looks pretty sour, the old slavedriver! I'll write to you tonight!”_ Relieved, Steve plugged the phone in and set out to get one of the bikes.

Loki was strolling around the farm, watching Thor and little Cooper a little at the archery. Clint Barton had been a national marksman who had won many awards and the two larger kids, Lila and Cooper, were also remarkably good at it. Then he went to the horse stable. Loki liked horses very much. There he found Lila with Peter. "Loo-i, horse!" Loki smiled at Pete and asked: "Do you want to sit on it? It's not dangerous, is it?” He turned to Lila.

"Take Nellie, she is the smallest one and very tame and lazy." The ten-year-old led the two of them to a pied, stocky, somewhat smaller horse and took it by the halter. "Pida horse! riding, Loo-i!” Loki found a stool, put Peter on the horse and climbed up behind him. "Yes! Loo-i-Pida.“ „Okay?" Lila asked. "Is it safe?" Loki checked again. "Natty is always sitting on Nellie. I will guide you. Nothing happens there.“ „Well then, go!“ Loki grinned at the girl. Peter giggled.

Tony was standing by the window in the guest room, enjoying the view of the lake and the Rocky Mountains in the distance. Then he saw Lila with a horse on a leash and on the horse there _were_ Loki and ... Peter! "Oh my god!" He called and hurried like a madman, down the stairs, past the kitchen, ignored Peppers startled: "Tony?", out of the back door and across the grounds. "Loki!" The sudden loud call startled poor Nellie and she took a little hop. Loki slid aside, quickly let go of Peter so he wouldn't drag him along, and flopped to the ground. "nuffa times" Peter exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Loki ..." Tony gasped, startled and Lila clicked her tongue. "Uncle Tony, horses are very junpy, don't you know?" Tony helped Loki to his feet and examined him carefully. "Did you hurt yourself, Puck? I'm so sorry.” He wanted to pull the boy into his arms, but Loki writhed reluctant. "The arm hurts only a bit, father." "Let me see." "It's nothing." But when Tony moved the arm carefully, Loki grimaced. "We're going to the hospital." "What? Hospital? “, Pepper had appeared with them. "Mommy, Pida horse" Pepper bravely pulled the little one off the horse. Now Laura came to them too. Her daughter explained in a few words what had happened and Laura said:

"Come to the kitchen, I'll give you an ice pack, everything's gonna be fine until tonight." Tony stared at her. "What?" She laughed. “Don't be so urban. Nothing else happened.” Loki had brought himself to the house and Peter tugged at his parents. "Pida horse." "Come on, darling, help me up and give me Peter." Tony hesitated. Lila yawned and played with Nellie's mane. "Natty and Cooper are constantly falling off the horses. Or off the apple tree. That happens.” Pepper and Tony looked at each other and laughed. Nevertheless, Tony didn't move an inch from his wife with Peter in sight, his hand tight around the baby's leg on his first ride.

At dinner, Loki's arm really didn't hurt anymore and it was loud and fun as always. "Steve, plug in the phone!" Steve had eagerly written to Bucky for the last fifteen minutes, hesitated, but only briefly, after all he was well behaved, apologized, and put it away. His trip to the place had been uneventful, but he had taken a few photos and sent it to Bucky. He had told him before the trip that he wanted to know everything that Steve was doing because he wouldn't be going on a vacation even this year. So he could at least participate a little. Thor wanted to go kayaking the next day and begged Steve to come along. It quickly gave way. Sounded really funny. Tony frowned. Clint called good-naturedly:

"It's completely harmless, Tony. Even Cooper can go kayaking! ”Thor looked almost a little disappointed. His idea of fun was not harmless. "And puck, what do you want to do tomorrow?" "Lila and I are building a tree house!" Tony went white. Laura laughed dryly: "Lila can't touch the chainsaw, don't worry!" Now everyone laughed, even Tony. The Bartons went to bed early after a few rounds of the UN, their night finally ended at five. Peter had fallen asleep like a stone and after a few more rounds of the UN Pepper and Tony also withdrew. Peter was still sleeping like a stone, the movement, excitement, fresh air and new impressions took their toll. And Mr and Mrs Stark were very quiet …

Steve pulled the smartphone out on the way to the barn. Seven new messages from Bucky, he ran faster, climbed the ladder and dropped into his hay bed.

" _What do you eat in Montana? Bet a lot of potatoes. Be nice to your hosts! ;)_ "

" _I've just had Tesco pizza, tastes like cardboard._ "

" _Would you like to stream an episode of Black Mirror afterwards, we could chat on the side! Our version of netflix and chill, so to speak ..._ ” Steve gasped. Oh, Bucky always had a quick tongue that didn't mean anything. Nearly whole of last school year since Bucky came back from Hawaii, their friendship was not as close as before and then a few weeks ago out of the blue they've tied in with their friendship again, seeing each other, texting, just being close again.

And yet something had changed. Steve was always a little confused in Bucky's presence. After summer holidays they would be in the same grade. Bucky's junior year hadn't lived up to the high standards of Sanctuary High after the year at the military base in Hawaii, and he was allowed to repeat it. Steve was excited about that.

" _What're you gonna do tomorrow? Pal, I'd like to be there too. I've always wanted to operate a tractor! Here, have a look, me on the forklift!_ ” Steve opened the attached photo. Bucky was sitting behind the wheel of a forklift in a tank top and grinned at the camera. His hair was sticking to his forehead, the tank top was damp and hiding almost nothing. Apparently he was sweating heavily ... _Argh_ ... He was so photogenic. gosh, Bucky, life is not a photoshoot ... Steve looked at it for a while, thought for a moment, but then decided against _that_. Maybe later...

“ _The pizza was shit, really. But hey, bad pizza is still pizza. You say that about sex, too. Better bad one than none at all. :D_ “ Steve also believed in that, he couldn't have known. He only had a sexual relationship with his right hand. He thought of Bucky's picture on the forklift again, took a deep breath, and pulled himself together. Later... If Bucky knew what sex was like? Like with another person? Steve didn't know. They never talked about that.

" _Great._ Now _I'm thinking of sex!_ :D :D :D“ _Argh_ …

" _Do you think your dad's gonna give a baby cat to Peter? I mean, would be great, right? On a farm you are really well-placed for those. Gosh, now_ I _want a baby cat … ;)_ “ Wow, Bucky is actually ... pretty lonely! He should have noticed that before. All the messages, trivial stuff actually. Text version of soliloquy. Maybe he was having a heartache? Bucky never told Steve anything about any boys. Steve wasn't sure why not. Sometimes he thought Bucky didn't want to hurt his sense of shame.

The morning after his 15th birthday over a year ago, Steve had gone to great lengths to convince his friend that he had been really just surprised by his confession being gay. That he really had no problem with that. Bucky had smiled at him and said, "I know, buddy. Otherwise we wouldn't be such good friends.” But were they really such good friends if Bucky never told him anything about his love life? Not to mention that Steve really hadn't wanted to know that. Or well, maybe he had. _Oh_ , this was _so_ complicated. Steve wasn't one who liked to ponder these irritating interpersonal things. He should answer back now.

" _Should I bring you a cat, dude?_ " The answer was coming immediately. Bucky _really_ was lonely …

" _Nah, the poor thing that long on a plane and I actually don't have any time ... but it would be cute, right? I know you prefer dogs, but why not both? ;)_ "

“ _My parents won't allow me a dog. And rightful so! I'll be leaving for college in two years! But if I ever own a house somewhere where it's nice with a little green around it, then I'll have a dog!_ ”

" _And a cat, if it's up to me! And you know I can be persistent in bending things to go after me._ “ Steve hesitated. He didn't really know what Bucky was trying to tell him …

" _But if you rather have a guinea pig or turtle for your house party then, let me know. ;)_ “ Steve had no idea that on the other end of the line Bucky had closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath, and then rubbed his face with his free hand. Steve's answer had been a long time coming and then he had quickly sent after this nonsense. He was kidding himself. Steve never reacted to his advances and flirtations. Never anything different than as a friend. But he _would_ be Steve's friend until the end. He had sworn to himself. His heart was hearting just bad though ... _Oh_ , notification tone.

" _A turtle would be cool! It doesn't get away, at least not so fast._ "

" _Yes, even you could catch up! :D_ "

" _Hey!_ "

" _Peace! Black Mirror?_ "

" _Bring it on!_ "

After the episode, during which they had chatted all the time, Bucky really had to sleep. In New York, it was two hours later than in Montana.

Steve made himself comfortable in his hay bed and thought of Bucky and let his right hand do the rest, with the forklift picture in front of his inner eye. He had no idea that Bucky was doing exactly the same thing, only that he was just thinking about Steve … And in the morning Steve'd strictly be denying any of this to himself.


	22. Holidays at the Bartons' - Part II

**Holidays at the Barton's – Part II**

At half past eight there was a fantastic breakfast for everyone. The Bartons had already been working for close to three hours, so Pepper and Tony had been making it. That was the only meal of the day they could manage and they _were_ goot at it as well!.. After all, the loyal Mrs. Watson never came in until ten.

The Starks were pleasant holiday guests who didn't want to be a burden to their hard-working hosts. Over the years it had settled that they would do a lot of work around the house, the children and the garden when they came to visit. It was so different from what Pepper and Tony usually did that it really was relaxing. In the beginning they also wanted to cook for everyone. But Laura and Clint had declined thoroughly, laughing.

It happend the first time the Bartons had visited New York, when Pepper and Tony made up for their visits each summer Since then the Barton family had come to New York first week of January, when there was the least work to do on a farm. Clint and Laura could savor the cultural life in the city a bit while the Starks were entertaining their children, Pepper had tried to prepare a sophisticated dinner. Emphasis on trying. The next evening Tony somehow wanted to prove himself and make up for it. It was even worse.

So Pepper was fumbling around in the farmhouse and the laundry room, in the gardens and in the hen house, while Tony did all the house repairs that Clint didn't get on during his 14-hour days in the summer months and chopped wood for the water heating. They were play with the Barton kids and took them on trips and so their own holiday was always a little bit like a vacation for the Barton family, too. The two older boys even helped in the fields on some days, did real men's work and were very proud.

After breakfast, Laura threw Steve the car keys for her little rickety Honda so he could go to the kayak rental with Thor. Lila and Loki 'armed' themselves with a toolbox and toddled off to a gnarled apple tree that was no longer bearing fruit, Pepper was going to muck out the chicken coop, supervising Peter and Natty, and Tony was planning to exchange a few loose planks with Cooper in the wintergarden.

Today, Laura and Clint had to treat the cows with a worming treatment, a task which, if you didn't want to upset or hurt the sensitive animals, took a lot of tact and time. The Bartons ran their farm strictly ecologically. They were the only organic farmers in all of Montana and had a small, but select customer base. They had already put a lot of money aside, all of their children would be able to go to college.

Cooper was holding a nail that Tony was hammering in when infernal roars came from the chicken coop near the house. _Panicked_ roars ... _Peter!_ Tony dropped the hammer, sprinted off and found his wife shaking with laughter and taking pictures with her StarkPhone, while Natty was digging up worms with a shovel and while Peter, _his_ Peter, his _BABY! …. :_ As if frozen and roaring on a spit, both arms stretched out in a circle of fluttering chickens that pressed him wildly he was sobbing violently.

"Pepper!" He shouted furiously as he jerked Peter on his arm, the excited poultry flew off in all directions. "What?" She laughed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I forbade him to take food several times. Suddenly he had a lot of fans. That was stunning him.” Tony stared at her with his mouth open. "You are a _monster_! I married a monster.“ „That's the only way he'll learn something, Tony.“ Pepper replied from her high horse. Peter had snuggled his little arms tightly around Tony's neck and was still sobbing, but slowly calming down. Nathaniel, who stoicly had continued digging for worms, said: "Mommy feed shickenth"

"You see? It's a _rule_ and Peter has to learn to follow rules. You're too compliant, Tony.” Tony glared at his wife and began examining Peter's small body for injuries. Cooper had also appeared now. "What happened?" "Peder feed shickenth," Natty replied. "Oh no! We're not supposed to feed the chickens!” Tony rolled his eyes. _Yes_ , I _got_ the concept. Anyway, Peter was safe and Tony relaxed a little. The boy also stopped crying and started to wriggle. "Pida wo-am" Pepper just raised an eyebrow and gestured to the toddler, who was apparently not traumatized for life. Tony put Peter down. He immediately pounced on the hole that Natty had digged up and pulled out a fat earthworm. "Wo-am!" He called enthusiastically.

"Hey, darling, I'm sorry that you've been so scared." Pep then said asking forgiving. Tony, who now was more relieved than upset, stuck out a finger at her chest and said, "Tonight I'm gonna sit back and you are doing all the work, Mrs. Stark." Pepper laughed, "Okay. In the end, you'll be giving in.“ „Challenge accepted.“ „Uncle Tony, you don't work _at night_ ," Cooper wondered. They quickly pulled themselves together and Tony put his arm around the seven-year-old's shoulders. "Come on, buddy, let's surprise Mommy and Daddy with the new planks at lunch, what do you think?" "Yes, Uncle Tony!" He exclaimed enthusiastically. "Dony!" Peter threw in. Still not 'daddy' again ....

*

The two oldest Stark boys had a lot of fun kayaking. Steve had generously put sunblock to his nose so he wouldn't get freckles. Last summer, Bucky, who got the most charming powdery dots in the summer as if someone had blown cinnamon in his face, was teasing him with it (he had called it 'sweet', thank you very much!). Thor, who was always taking on an attractive bronze tone in the sun, even and shimmering, did not need such preventive measures (and would not care ...).

They had paddled around the lake for an hour when Thor suggested trying elsewhere. Here they were by far the oldest kids. 'Proper' kayaking had to be happening on flowing water. Steve also thought it a bit lame and he wanted to write to Bucky afterwards, who always was doing cool things on holidays when his parents took him with them. He had even been paragliding and bungee jumping sometime. Steve briefly considered asking his parents for permission, but immediately decided against it.

So they took advice from the boat rental company and drove an hour further into the mountains to a torrent, wide enough to paddle on. There they could rent neoprene suits for kayaking, after all, the water had only come from a glacier just a few kilometers away and was icy cold. There was also a changing room and when they both had their suits on and Steve caught a look in the mirror, he was amazed. Not bad at all! The material was a little bulky, but in a good way and made his shoulders wider. He was shimmering from head to toe in this deep black and for the first time in life he was not self-conscious and didn't feel like looking totally boring.

"Thor! Take a picture! ”, he held out his phone. Thor frowned: "Why?" "I want it for..." Steve paused briefly. "... send it to a girl." "Then you should be wet, 's looking more dangerous." Thor still was believing that the best girls were into dangerous boys. Steve only knew that Bucky somehow was dangerous, at least everyone was _thinking_ Bucky was dangerous and most girls were into him and thought of him as attractive. Steve didn't know what Bucky was into, he wasn't talking about it ... But 'dangerous' was definitely a male attribute and Bucky was into men. "All right then!"

( _Steve wasn't aware of his growing attraction to his childhood friend. All he was thinking was: I have him back. He's my friend again. And Steve wanted to never again lose him. So he constantly was in his mind about him. What would Bucky do? What would Bucky think? Desperatedly trying to impress him Steve never got the point what that meant:_ Falling _for someone – and_ deeply _so... And of course he closed his inner eye to the fact that he had jerked off thinking of his best friend the night before...._ )

Steve climbed into the water, gasped for breath despite the suit: His feet weren't covered and his hands weren't covered, and the parts of his body actually the suit covered were only poorly protected from the few degrees above zero that the water was. So you didn't get a heart attack if you fell into it. So it just felt like about 11 to 13 degrees. And this was...

"Holy! Shit, shit, shit, it's freezing. Don't tell mom how many times I've said 'shit'!” He cried. Thor was already laughing and took picture after picture. Mid-body, Steve almost gave up. _Shit_ on a new level. He let out a shrill shriek and thought his balls would fall off, just like that. _Freeze_ off. But he was staying brave and continued to lower his body. Before he ducked his head, he hesitated briefly but Thor urged him:

"Come on, brother, your hair has to be wet too!" He took a deep breath and dipped under it for a mere second. Then he hurried out of the terrible icy hell and shook himself. "Come on! Stand in a pose!” Steve was trembling and pressed his teeth together. Then, as casually as he was able, he was leaning against a rock and smiling at the camera.

The sun was shining and he quickly warmed up again. And the ride down the drain was really a lot of fun.

*

Loki and Lila were almost done with the tree house by noon. They were sawing eagerly (with a hand saw) and hammering. Lila followed every instruction of the older by two years politely and submissively. She was finding him _adorable_. He got to be her first crush and she would be worshipping the floor he was walking on. And since she was only ten and her admiration was more like that of a clingy kitten or excited puppy than a girl in love, Loki didn't mind. He was speaking like a hero from Lila's fantasy books. With the dark curly hair he was looking like a prince! And he was so smart! He knew _everything_ (a ten-year-old would ask). And since Loki was good at maths and had a spatial imagination, a very passable tree house was taking shape.

*

Everyone was allowed to feed the goats and _even_ all day. And Peter was enraptured by the funny animals. After half an hour in which Tony had taken about a thousand pictures, Pepper was afraid he would give his youngest boy a petting zoo for his second birthday.

It was time for a plain lunch. On the farm they did not really have proper meals until the evening and Laura had prepared soup and a huge loaf of bread for everyone. Thor and Steve were the only ones who were missing, they'd signed off for the whole day. "Tony? Can you help me with the fences? Laura has to go to the vet, we lost a few worming treatments because we didn't want to be too rude to Bessie and Clara, divas they are...” Of course, Tony immediately agreed to help Clint.

"Come to town with the kids, Pepper! Doesn't have a lot to offer, but then at least I'm not so bored on the way!“ „We'll continue to work on the tree house, if that's all right for you, mother.” Lila immediately nodded affirmatively. "What about me taking a look at what you've done so far, Puck? I can also help the two of you when we're done with the fences." Lila politely but also a little lamely answered: "Thank you, Uncle Tony ... " Loki, however, declined: "Father, building a tree house isn't rocket science. I have everything under control and Lila is very clever. Thank you, but no.” Lila beamed. Tony looked a little disappointed.

Cooper, who almost was bursting with anticipation all the time because he finally wanted to tell something, but suffered from the 'middle child curse' to always coming last, shouted: "Mom, Dad!" Then the two-year-old Natty interrupted him: "Peder feed shickenth." "Yeth! Pida thiggenth. Pida doadth!” Everyone laughed except Natty and Cooper. Cooper really didn't know what was funny about that. Feeding the chickens, _tsas_.

"Mom, Dad! I made the floor with Uncle Tony! I was helping a lot!“ „The floor in the winter garden?“ Laura asked excitedly. "Exactly that." Tony grinned contentedly. Laura beamed, that had been due for almost two years ... "Pep!", She called, "Be glad that I like you so much! I could kiss the guy or marry him from the spot!" Tony laughed: " Don't gamble with your life!" While Clint grunted: "And not that you weren't already married, _darling_ ... But go kiss him, I don't care.“ „ _Mommy_ an Dony tithing! " " _Thank you_. Peter is the only one who is on point. You, my dear, only are supposed to be kissed by me.“ Pepper laughed.

"But please just wait until you are alone. We're eating here.” Loki said dryly. Now (almost) everyone was laughing. Loki wasn't of course. He didn't think there was anything to laugh at here. Natty was busy with his soup spoon, Peter was still waiting for his mother to kiss his father and looked confused, and Copper just burst out: "I helped a lot in the winter garden! Didn't I, Uncle Tony?“ „Sure. Buddy here ... ", he leaned forward to pat the boy on the shoulder, "... was a real help to me.“ He explained that very seriously and the seven-year-old beamed. Laura and Clint got up immediately and let their son show them the results. Then everyone wished for a nice afternoon and would meet for dinner, then again with Steve and Thor.

*

"That was totally crazy! At one turn I was thrown out of the kayak. Check out the giant bump!“ Tony was horrified! The bump on Thor's head, well hidden under his hair, was almost the size of a chicken egg! "Thor! I'm going to the hospital with you!” Pepper, who had also turned a little pale, asked worriedly: “Are you dizzy, feeling sick, have you been dazed?” Thor laughed. "No, the ice-cold water wakes up the dead!" Steve had shrunk in his chair. He had forgotten to instill in his brother that he was preferring to keep the change of plans to himself. Thor had taken the fall into the water and the bump on the head like a boss and Steve was sure that nothing too bad had happened. Then Laura was frowning.

"Steve!" He winced guiltily. "You wanted to go to Pottomac Lake!" "Can we go to the hospital now?" "Do you have a few hours on your hands, Tony?" Clint asked him dryly, then at Tony's startled look: "What? You are in the middle of nowhere!“ Laura got up and said: "Have rescue ointment, the bump is gonna gone by tomorrow morning." Steve hoped the topic with the trip to the 'lake' was done now, but…“Steve?” His mother looked at him sternly. "Oh mom! Leave him alone. That lake was lame! Just right for children. „For 14-year-olds, so to speak." Tony said dryly. "He wants to impress a girl! Then he can not tell, he paddled around on a lame lake!” Steve was enjoying this conversation less and less.

"A _girl_? Steve, that's ... we had no idea! Who is she?” Pepper asked him immediately, eyes shining with excitment. "We were a little surprised back then when Peggy and you broke up so suddenly, you got along so well. Is it Peggy? Do you want to try that out again?“ „It's not Peggy. You ... you don't know her.“ „Someone from school?” Steve now was getting really uncomfortable with the conversation. "No ... I met her somewhere else." „But ...“ Steve, who wanted to change the subject quickly, thought feverishly to satisfy his mother's curiosity.

"Bucky and I went to Coney Island a few weeks ago and there we were ... we were hanging with some girls. Swapped phone numbers ... Yes.“ „Well, Bucky definitely didn't, did he?“ Tony murmured. "Dad!" "What? The boy is gay and everyone's knowing. You told us yourself!” Steve gathered himself and asked with as much dignity as he could: “Loki, how have you spent your day?“ Pepper noticed that she had perhaps been going a little too far and let go of the topic.

*

Later, when Tony and Pepper were alone, they talked about it. "What do you think of the matter? Any girl he met on Coney Island? Doesn't sound like Steve ... " Pepper mused. Tony chewed a little on his lower lip. "What?" "To be honest, I've actually thought that ..." "That what? Don't let everything be pulled out of your nose!“ „I have thought Steve might be gay, too, actually.” Pepper's eyes widened. "But ... he was with Peggy!" Tony snorted. "That was a half-hearted story, wasn't it?" Pepper agreed after a moment's thought. "But ..." "Wouldn't be bad, would it?" "Of course not, don't be ridiculous, but ..." "What?"

"Well. If Steve _was_ gay and his best friend who' spending every free minute with him and is also one of the most adorable boys in the whole country ... and is also gay ... Then why in the world aren't they already a thing?” Tony smiled. That had been puzzling him for a long time. "Yes exactly. Why not?” Pepper bit into her lower lip. "Damn." "Right so. Damn it. Steve is as blind and stupid as you and I used to be.” Pepper pulled her husband close. "Shouldn't we ...?" "No."

"That's gonna get settled. The two of them are made for each other.” Then Pepper pushed him towards the bed. "So. Repairing stuff and impressing farmers' women? What am I going to think, Mr. Stark?” Tony grinned. "I'm very much in demand. You have to make a little effort. I also told you: I'm leaning back tonight …" Pepper interrupted him with a passionate kiss ... And of course Tony wasn't leaning back. In t _hat_ game she always beat him…

*

Steve was on his hayloft and went through the many pictures Thor had taken of him. That one against the rock wasn't bad at all! But wouldn't it be too ... what would Bucky _think_ ... too obvious? Meaning, the intention behind it ... What if Bucky thought he was going to hit on him and that won't be appreciated at all? Bucky even could be disgusted, if he'd thought of Steve's apparent desparation! After all, they were best friends!

He deleted all but three of the pics. The one against the rock, one on which he was shaking the ice-cold water out of his hair and one that he found kind of funny, even though he thought he looked like an idiot in it. His mouth was wide open, his head thrown back, the muscles and venes in his neck standing out clearly and his hands were clenched into fists so much that the ankles got all white.

He hadn't checked into Bucky's messages yet. Then he would have to answer and he was still so undecided ... He had inforned him in the morning that he would go kayaking. Bucky immediately answered back:

" _Sounding great! Send pics!_ ” Steve had taken a lot of pictures of the torrent and the area. So he gathered the five best ones and finally opened the messages Bucky had written over the day. There were five.

" _Heeey, Steve! Already in here for three hours! I have the time of my life - not. Look at that!_ “ Attached was a pic of a… box of wine that looked like it had fallen to the floor. A huge mess.

" _Well, I'm going to take a career jump to Mr Clean! It's not the worst. The guy is generally considered pretty sexy, right? ;)_ “ Steve sighed. Bucky thought of Mr Clean as sexy? At least that's how it came across. Hm, Steve quickly googled and found pictures of this British model from advertising. Well … He was understanding the appeal.

" _So, everything's clean again, except me, of course. But what's wrong with being a little dirty? I'm thinking ... nothing *gg!_ “ Steve was getting a little warm at that, he threw the blanket into which he was snuggled - summer nights in Montana were not exactly very warm.

" _This is so boring here. I've never thought of Montana as a travel destination, but now? I mean you're there and it sounds like fun! What are you all doing?_ "

" _Aaaaand another pretty bad pizza ..._ #myperfectlifeismissingsomething _Distract me, I'm about to getting depressed!_ ” Steve took a deep breath. Bucky really was sounding so lonely! Probably not any more longer and he would have a boyfriend again. Oh my God! The very thought was making Steve's stomach do a painful switch! What was he supposed to do if Bucky was with someone and the three of them would hang out and Bucky and the ( _intruder_ ) guy would… maybe be making out! Wouldn't that be so embarrassing? _Don't think about it_... Steve responded first to the message where Bucky had asked what everyone was doing. Safe waters.

" _Hey! Loki has built a great tree house! The boy's a genius! Mom is afraid that Dad will buy a petting zoo for Peter. The little one doesn't get enough of feeding the goats. Thor has a bump on his head the size of Brazil!_ ” It only took a few seconds before Bucky replied

" _And you? What are you doing? How about kayaking? Pics or it didn't happen._ ” So Steve sent him the five pictures of the torrent and the area.

" _Not a proof at all, dude! A hundred-year-old stroller could have taken the photos! Without the slightest contact to a kayak or even water!_ ” Steve was grinning and wrote:

“ _Thor got his bump when he was knocked out of the kayak on a turn. Dad almost had a fit!_ "

" _Is he all right, then? The water's looking extremely chilly!_ "

" _Thor has got an unbreakable skull, you know. And we had wetsuits, I tell you, the water was still cold as hell!_ "

" _Went overboard as well?_ " _Oooops_. Steve was feverishly thinking. Then he had an idea.

" _Thor challenged me. A bet. If I dare to go under water, I can have his desserts for a week and you know, Thor and his desserts, the love story of the century!_ ”

" _Don't you say now, my man didn't win!_ " ' _my_ man' ... Steve smiled tenderly at that without realizing it …

" _Of course I won. Listen, who are you talking to?_ "

" _Pics or it didn't happen. :D :D_ “ And now? Steve started sweating. Why was it so hot? In Montana? In the middle of the night? Steve decided to go on cool and casual and just wanted to send the picture where he shook the water from his hair - completely innocuous, but a noise in the woodwork next to him startled him and he accidentally sent the folder with all the three pictures. _SHIT!!!_

Bucky opend the pictures at the other end of the ether. Wow, the black tight glittering suit, the wet hair, leaning against the rocks, great picture of Steve! He thought of Steve being so beautiful. The heavy eyebrows that could contract into a furrowed line of displeasure and then Steve was so sexy! The deep blue eyes, the long daring sightly crooked nose, the somewhat small but full pink mouth and this distinctive chin! Bucky sighed ... Then he looked at the picture where he was shaking the water out of his hair. Bucky smiled. Steve was so cute, he looked like a wet puppy. Then he opened the third picture ... Bucky hitched a breath.

His penis was immediately hard like the rocks in the background. Steve's mouth was wide open, his head had fallen into his back of the neck, the muscles and venes on his neck were prominent, and his hands were clenched into fists so much that the knuckles looked all white. The picture was pure sex, because Bucky always was imagining _exactly_ this what Steve would look like _if_...!

Bucky's mouth went dry, he shifted uncomfortably, his underpants were so tight now! He frantically fumbled with the ribbons of his sweatpants, somehow got to open the knot, shoved his right hand in his pants to adjust his cock ... and came only from the one small inquisitive tug he gave his member. "Steve ..." he was groaning longingly. He gasped for breath. That had been the most erotic thing he had ever experienced in life. He threw the back of his hand over his mouth and whisered a bit broken: "Oh, Steve …" against it.

Well, and he probably had to answer him anytime soon now. How much time had been passing? He was fishing for the water bottle next to his bed, his throat was parched, he must have been breathing like a race horse! _Thinking_ , Barnes, _thinking_ and then he settled on this:

" _Sorry, dude, doorbell. The neighbor had to tell me that our garden gate is not closed. Such a sheriff..._ ” Steve checked his watch and frowned. It was long after ten. In Montana …

" _Bucky, it's twenty after noon in your place! Why are you still awake? You have to get out in less than five hours!_ "

_Busted!_ Bucky had been sitting on his bed for over two hours, trying to charm his phone into giving him news on Steve.

" _I had a quite good nap after work, I went hungry again, and somehow ended on youtube._ "

" _Go to bed!_ “ Bucky sighed. Would probably be the best ... But he'd definitely have to have a look at that picture again and then He'll hopefully have a little more time to enjoy it...

" _Yes, Daddy;););). Good night._ "

Steve tossed and turned half the night. Bucky hadn't said a word about the pictures …


	23. Holidays at the Bartons' - Part III

**Holidays at the Bartons' – Part III**

The next day started with a noisy, cozy breakfast. Steve was shifting uncomfortably and anticipatingly. There was a phone ban at table and when he'd woken up he still had no message from Bucky about the pictures. What had he been thinking? Steve automatically was taking part in the conversation but feverishly wondering how he could play nonchalantly over the fact that he had sent Bucky _three_ pics that didn't seem to be worth a mention the least, let alone impressive! Not even a "cool pics, dude!" Or anything like that …

Tony and Pepper wanted to go to Helena with the kids today. There was the seat of government, a historical museum, a gem mine, a quirky pioneer-style mall, and a carousel park for the little ones. The Barton kids would come along, of course. They were happy. They weren't going to the capital often. Laura gave a long shopping list to Pepper, mainly for the pharmacy and the organic drugstore, and although at least the three older Stark boys didn't feel like it, they were acting excited for their parents. The day would end at a burger restaurant on a ship in the middle of the Missouri River. That promised a nice view of the sunset over Mount Helena.

They split up between Pick-Up and Honda (they were, after all, nine people) and took off right after breakfast. Pepper even was wearing shoes for the trip, but sneakers, not heels. Steve was driving the pick-up with Thor, Loki and Lila; Tony the Honda with Pepper and the three smallest in the rear (there were seat belts in the Honda). After shopping in the mall, where Steve found a nice Native American made braided leather bracelet in with beads in bright colors for Bucky, they parted.

Tony went to the gem mine with Thor, Lila and Cooper. Steve and Loki were interested in the historical sights and the museum while Pepper was planning to visit the Carousel Park with the little ones. Steve's phone pinged at 1 pm. Message from Bucky. Steve glanced at Loki, who was deeply immersed in a few old yellowed letters from the pioneering days, which he apparently could decipher, for Steve they were just scribbles. He took a few steps away.

" _What are you doing right now? I'm dead tired, too little sleep. And today I have to stock box after box with canned food. If only I were to work on the duvets and pillows shelf. But Gerrit has already secured himself working there, the asshole. I was a mere minute late. It's really like hell here. Almost 35 degrees in the hall! Sweat's running in streams... Seen the weather forecast for Montana. Must be heaven, and you are there ...! I've been thinking about your torrent all morning._ “

Steve started. Bucky was his old communicative self again, but who was _this_ _Gerrit_? Was Bucky feeling the need to mention the guy? Anyway, _this Gerrit_ could be ogling Bucky with running sweat all day long if he wanted to ... _Oh, God!_ He hoped this Gerrit _didn't_ want to! And what was that about 'your torrent'? His mind was drifting to the imaginary picture of Bucky, drenched in sweat, and he had to swallow dry.

“ _Loki and I are in the historical museum. He is 'translating' letters from scrawl into English for me, I have no idea how to find words in the confused lines._ ”

" _A smart guy, coming after your dad, huh? Haven't known he liked history! Do you like it there? Learning anything new? Bullshit... You already know everything! ;)_ “ Yeah, yeah, I know, awesome genius dad, _thanks_ a lot. Thanks for the not _that_ new information. But... _what_ was that?

" _I do_ not _know everything!_ "

" _Oh, Stevie ... don't be so modest! You are a much better history teacher to me than some Professor 'I-almost-witnessed the civil war myself' or 'I-am-a-walking-chronicle-of-the-United States'. In short: Professor Stane. Boring fossil. If you were in front of a class, everyone would get an A! Partly because you're so good at it and partly because they have a crush on you, Stevie. ;) ;) ;)_ “

Steve was warm with joy at the praise. But he hated it when Bucky used that childish nickname. Was he still seeing him as a child? He sighed. For Bucky, he'd always be the ten-year-old he had made friends with years ago. Wait ... 'crush'? _What?_ Loki wrenched him out of his thoughts.

"Steve! Why are you grinning like that? You're looking like a fool. Are you texting with this Coney Island girl?” His younger brother looked a little disgusted. Steve stared at him briefly. What girl? - _oh, yes._ "Excuse me, Loki. Just a tiny moment yet, okay? "

“ _Loki's discovered a really interesting letter. I'll tell you about it later._ ” Bucky on the other end was staring at the display in disbelief. He really hadn't expected so little response to his compliment. If Steve had at least placated him for overdoing, as was his way usually. But ignoring it as if what Bucky had written was irrelevant. He sighed heavily. It was probably ... _you're lying to yourself, Barnes!_

Steve had to admit, Loki _really_ was a smart guy. He was deciphering this gruesome handwriting in faded ink and discussing what he had found out animatedly with his four-year-older brother. Loki also noted in his matter-of-fact, clinical manner that Steve had a lot of knowledge of American history, knew a lot of interesting anecdotes and was bringing the whole thing on very vividly. Steve was thanking him seriously for the rare praise. And then he noticed that he hadn't thanked Bucky for _his_ praise ... Wellnow, an hour later that would look lame ... Well, maybe he was lucky and Bucky would repeat something like that if he went into more detail afterwards while texting about these interesting letters ... The stupid thing was, he didn't …

Tony, Thor, Lila and Cooper had been attending the tour in the mine and Lila and Cooper enthusiastically were digging out cheap semiprecious stones in the artificially created hands-on area. Thor, watching them a little wistfully made Tony laugh. He elbowed his son into the side and said, "Go ahead, Sunny. I'm not telling anyone.” Thor grabbed one of the mini-hoes, a shovel and a brush and was digging with the two children like being aid for it! Tony was smiling thoughtfully. _Archaeologist_... why not? Sounding like adventures! He had watched the Indiana Jones films from his youth with his boys. Steve was thinking of them as historically incorrect, Loki dramatically predictable but Thor had genuinely liked them!

"Archeology would be an interesting degree for you, don't you think, Sunny?" Thor groaned. "Pops ... I want to be a musician. I _am_ a musician!" Lila was staring at him with wide eyes: „You are a musician? Have you brought your instrument?” Thor laughed. "It's drums." "Oh, too bad. Are you any good?” Thor was hesitating briefly, but then nodded. Before he could answer though, Tony stated: “He is _very_ good. The best.” At that Thor was beaming. Lila looked at him admiringly. Cooper held up a deep blue stone: "Wow! Check this out!” “ _You_ could be an archaeologist” Thor said kindly to the boy. "I'm going to be a farmer, I have to. Lila is a girl after all.“ „Hey!" She cried. Thor took a serious look at the boy.

"Cooper. Girls can be anything they want. Girls are not weak and they are as smart as boys. I think they're even smarter ...” Lila was watching Thor with increasing admiration. Cooper asked incredulously: "What?" "Well, I have a very smart friend. And my mom, she's really, really smart. She's even tricking my genius pops, as I tell you.” Tony was amused, grimacing a little, but not interrupted his Sunny, he was somehow right after all... Cooper made big eyes at Thor. "Really?" "Really. And when Lila's running the farm, she'll be doing as well as your dad. Maybe even better. So just be an archeologist.“ „What is an ashologist?“ „He's looking for treasures.“ „I'd rather be a pirate. Looking for treasures _and_ sailing ships,” Cooper replied thoughtfully. He was digging again ... Tony looked at Thor proudly. He had to tell Pepper in the evening. Thor would be a great father someday!

*

Pepper, meanwhile, had got at the end of her tethers. How was her husband doing _that_? Natty was a very good child. Never leaving her side after the first serious warning and he was very happy with everything she decided and offered. _Peter_ , on the other hand ... The little one was a human hurricane. Constantly running, climbing, he had to examine everything meticulously and never standing still for a second. She had just fished him out of a trash can where he had discovered a pretty colourful cup.

"Divin Dony!" With the fidgeting boy in her arms and Natty by the hand, she was looking for a washroom to clean Peter's filthy hands. When her offspring was clean again, she got tickets for the historic carousel. What could be so difficult about putting two toddlers on carousel horses, letting them ride a few laps to take a little break herself? Sighing, she was sittign down on a bench next to it and watching the boys for a while. StarkPhone two vibrated in her shorts pocket.

" _Hey Pep! What are you doing? Remind me that I'll tell you something about Thor later. We're really having fun here!_ ” Pepper would never admit how much she was stressed out at the task her husband was mastering so easily every day.

“ _The little ones are sitting on colorful wooden horses and are riding in circles. It's really nice here around. We're having fun, too!_ "

" _Good to hear, Honey. It's your annual vacation. And I'm so glad you don't insist on traveling to some schickie-mickie place like other billionaires' wifes. I love you._ "

" _Do not be absurd. What am I supposed to do there with you? You'd be dreadfully bored and annoyig and unbearable._ "

" _Isn't that a striking close description of my hideous personality anyways, Miss Potts?_ "

“ _The joy of your company is outweighing your pesky qualities. Fortunately for you. Scarce, but at least, Mr. Stark._ "

" _No raise this year, Miss Potts. Send me a picture of Peter on the carousel!_ ” Pepper looked up and noticed Natty on the brown and white spotted horse on which she had put him. The black horse right next to him that Peter had chosen was ... unoccupied. Pepper froze, jumped up and started looking around wildly.

"Peter!" She called hysterically, a few heads turning to look at her. She ran to the ticket counter yelling at the seller: "My child is gone, gone from the horse! _My child_! Where has it gone?” The man behind the glass looked at her unimpressed and only tapped the sign in the window: 'Children must be supervised by their companions at all times. We accept no liability.' Pepper's knees were giving way. Trembling, she tapped at the shortcut to StarkPhone One. "Pep?" The excitement in Tony's voice caching her breath. He was sensing something!

"Code crisis. Peter is gone. ”, She said in a trembling voice. "Tony ...?" "I'm on my way."

Tony was out of town with the kids, but he made it to the Helena state fair in 13 minutes. In the meantime, Pepper, after regaining her posture a little, had informed the local police and several officials were raving about the premises. She had put poor Natty in the car with a bag of sweets, but the pragmatic boy obviously had no problem with that.

"Pepper!" "Oh, Tony!", She threw herself into his arms, but he stopped her by her upper arms a little away from him to have a closer look. "Get a glass of water right now!" He ordered the next fairly youthful Montana Ranger. He scurried away. "Pep, I'm there, everything will be fine. I'm here. But I need you here. I need Miss Potts, okay?” Pepper, straightening her shoulders, was telling her husband the story, emptying the glass of water the young ranger had brought her all at once. How she got distracted for a moment, texting with him, and the next second Peter was gone. Then she was bursting into tears. Thor, Lila and Cooper were standing there with white faces and Pepper pulled herself together at the sight.

"Lila. Natty is in the car, go to him with Cooper, right? Be a good girl.” Lila immediately complied with the calm request. Tony was squeezing his wife's hand and she saw that he was proud of her. But she also noticed the nameless panic behind it, the horror, the fear of loss and she got terribly ashamed. "Mom, Pops, what are we going to do now?" "Searching," Tony said firmly, his voice _not_ shaking unlike his body. And then the three Starks swarmed out on the site.

The whole fair was in turmoil. A police officer was guarding the car with Lila, Cooper and Natty. It had been leaking that a billionaire's child had disappeared as if swallowed up by the earth. Thor was hoarse, calling out Peter's name so many times. Pepper had collapsed and was lying on a mat in the back room of a souvenir shop. Tony was leaving her there after she had sent him away, sobbing. Nothing was wrong with her- physically - and she knew Tony had to keep looking out there, knowing he would keep searching until the end of his days if they won't find Peter ... her consciousness was fading again. The shopkeeper's wife patted her hand and changed the cold rag on her forehead.

A dog squad was on its way. Tony was standing next to the carousel again. His breath was racing and shallow, but he was holding himself upstraight. Thor sat on the floor next to him, head on his knees, arms around them. He was crying silently. His father crouched putting his hand on his shoulder. "Sunny ... everything will be fine," he murmured through his gritted teeth - also to himself. Steve and Loki hadn't been informed yet ...

The whole drama began just about 90 minutes ago, but it felt to Tony like he had been running around in a frightened fear and hopeless panic for hours. His heart was pounding and his stomach was twitching nervously. He would have to throw up, he could already taste the bile ... Automatically he was letting his eyes wander back and forth. Then his breath hitched as he took a closer look at the carousel. It was built on piles, as it was customary in the area, the earth was soft around here and the floorboards were not closing all around with the ground. He slowly was circling the carousel.

"Daddy?" Thor sniffed. He was sounding like a little child. Thor also, like Loki, when they had strong emotions that they couldn't control, called his father 'Daddy'. "I'll be right back, Sunny...", he said softly and absently. He lowered to the ground at one point, pulling out his phone and activated the flashlight app.

Then he burst into tears. His posture went completely flat, he dropped to his stomach, trembled all over, sobbing, gasping and stammering again and again: "Pete! Oh, Peter ... Oh my god!“ „Daddy?", Thor had slowly approached, looking anxiously at his father lying on the ground, crying and laughing and babbling almost hysterically - all at the same time.

"Get help, Thor, with shovels. I won't pass through here!” Tony called in a trembling voice. "And get mom, I've found Peter." Thor frowned, dropping to the ground next to his father, and looked under the wooden planks where the light from the cell phone flashlight trembled. Curled up like a little content animal, his little brother was laying on the ground in his - now quite dusty - Spider-Man T-shirt-shorts combo fast asleep. That was leaving him speechless for a moment, then he jumped up with a howl of joy and ran to get help. Nobody would be fittting through the narrow gap through which Peter must have had squeezed …

For a brief moment, Tony put his forehead to the ground, exhausted, all breath escaping from his lungs. He sent a thank you prayer to a god he didn't believe in, then his head was snapping up again. Sudden panic had hit him that Peter could've disappeared again. But the little one was still slumbering calmly. Tony couldn't take his eyes off him from now.

When the firemen began digging, they had wanted to gently pull him up, he was fighting back tooth an nail. Pepper had taken a glance under the carousel, bursting into relieved tears, Thor was holding her and they were a few steps behind Tony. She was feeling so guilty and didn't know how she would ever be able to look her husband in the eye again ... When the pit was finally large enough, Tony pushed the fireman aside and crawled to Peter. Putting the flashlight at his face, Peter was looking peaceful and completely intact. Tony grabbed his shoulder gently. The little boy opened his eyes, yawned and then he was beaming at his father.

"Dony-Mida-Daak-bider!" His father looked around and started up in horror, bumping his head, of course, but not very hard. Millions of tiny spiders were crawling around and on them. "Bider-bider-bider!" As calmly as he could he called out: "Get us out of here immediately! I'm afraid I'll either be eaten alive or'll have a heart attack!” Tony didn't share his son's love for these animals at all. He could pull himself together, sure, but this and just after all the excitement was a little too much...

*

The evening in the burger restaurant was canceled, understandably. Steve and Loki had shown up at the Helena State Fair at the appointed time and were shocked by the drama that had been happening. Her mother was self-conscious giving only monosyllabic answers to all their excited questions. Their father, with Peter pressed tightly against his body in his arms, lookeing as if he had run a marathon, barefoot on glowing coals ...

Peter had been examined, of course, he was perfectly intact, his parents had been given a sedative and the Montana State Rangers seconded two officers who drove the family and the Barton children home. It was a quiet ride. When they got to the farm, the three elder boys immediately disappeared to their quarters. Thor, however, could not stand being alone for long and went to Loki in the winter garden.

"Hey ..." he said weakly. "Mother is taking it very bad, isn't she?" Was Loki's answer. "It was terrible, Loki. I've never seen Pop and Mom like this before. And I ... Imagine Peter was..“ „Don't say it!" Loki was crying out. "Please don't say it", he added quietly. Thor was looking into the pale face, into the blue, melancholic eyes. "I'm sorry, little brother." Loki grinned wryly. "When they told us they were going to have another baby, I almost dropped dead. How embarrassing! At their age!” Loki wasn't looking at his brother when he said that, playing casually with a few fringes on his bedspread.

"But now that Peter is here ... I can no longer imagine life without him ...", Loki's voice was quiet but firm. Thor sitting down next to him, awkwardly putting an arm around his narrow shoulders. "I know ... the little rascal is a really great addition to the Starks, isn't he?" "Yes. Thor. You were there ... Has it been ... very bad?" Thor was sighing deeply. "It's over now. What have Steve and you done all day?“ Loki smiled shyly at that and loved his big brother very much at that moment. They _were_ a great family!

*

Steve, meanwhile, was sitting on his hay bed, brooding darkly. Why hadn't his parents called him? He could have helped! After all, he was the oldest and could have taken responsibility. Weren't they trusting him? He had been with Loki, planned and organized the activity, and had had a really adult conversation with him. He loved Peter and cared for him just like everyone else. His dad had been celebrated like a hero after finding the little one under the carousel. _Naturally_. Anthony Stark, the genius, was _once again_ having the brilliant idea. Steve was immediately ashamed. Of course he was glad that Peter was safe and unharmed. A nameless fear suddenly was coming over him when he thought of the alternative ... He pulled his phone out of his pocket writing almost automatically  
  
" _Bucky, something bas happened!_ " It was 7:20 pm in Montana and two hours later in New York and Bucky's answer came immediately

" _Steve! Are you doing well?_ "

" _Yeah, yes, we're all fine because everything has sorted out in the end. Mom lost Peter at the Helena State Fair and there has been quite a stir._ ” Steve's phone was ringing seconds later. Bucky was calling. Steve had hesitated briefly and then accepted.

"Hey!" "Steve! How are you? Is everything alright with the little one? And your parents? Tell me everything! ”, Bucky was sounding like he was in a riot. Steve was exuding a soothing warmth of affection at the attention his best friend, his Bucky, was giving him. He told him the whole story.

"How are you now, Steve?" Was Bucky's first reaction. "Oh ... of course I'm totally relieved that it's turned out so well, but I wasn't there. Mom and Dad are really done, I can tell you. Peter is still too small to understand the tumult and he is doing well.“ „Steve …" Steve frowned at the break. "You still haven't yet told me how _you_ are." Bucky said quietly. "I ... oh, you know, I don't understand why they haven't called me. I could have helped! “, He ruffled his hair in frustration. "Maybe they've wanted to spare you." "But Thor was being definitely a great help!" Steve laughed bitterly. Bucky was hesitating, then: “Thor was already there when it happened. They surely'd have preferred him not. "

"Bucky, sometimes I'm so angry because they aren't taking me serious! I'm the oldest and they shouldn't really treat me like a child anymore!“ „Steve ... ", Bucky's voice was cautious, "...you have a great family, great parents. Be glad they still want to spare you from any harm.“ „They don't have to protect me!” Steve exclaimed angrily. Bucky, who was alone in the gloomy Barnes home for the umpteenth time because his parents had gone on vacation again without him, grimaced reluctantly. Steve was so spoiled ... But he was Steve as he simply was, too. _His_ Stevie …

"But what can one do if they love you no matter what they just can't help it?" That had slipped without purpose. Steve caught his breath. The words, the _undertone_ ... Bucky meanwhile was biting his lip furiously ... _Thinking, Barnes, thinking!_ "And your parents _do_ love you, all of you, just so unshakably and in deep earnest and...", Bucky didn't know what to do about his suddenly breaking voice. His throat was tight, tears were tickling behind his eyelids... The silence was dragging between them. "Bucky ..." Steve took a deep breath. "When are your parents coming back?" He laughed dryly. "No idea. They told me to stay in touch which they aren't in fact."

"I ... I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't want to be insensitive.” Bucky sniffed audibly and very wetly. "It's okay ... I'm fine." Steve knew that was a lie, but he didn't know what to say about it. Then he had an idea: “I wish we were in New York. Then you could have lived with us.” Bucky would wish for that too, by God. He was missing Steve painfully. "Do not be absurd! You are on a vacation and you're always enjoying it so much there. Even with you all pretending to be taken to the slaughterhouse” Bucky laughed again. Steve fell in good-naturedly. Bucky _was_ right …

"I have to go now ... Dad's setting up a campfire at eight and he wants us all to be with him." Bucky sighed inaudibly. _Happy Steve_ ... "Go on then! And send me some pictures.“ „Alright“ „Steve, I...“ Steve was frowning at the long break that followed. "What is it?" „Just enjoy your family evening. Gonna be hearing from you then!” Bucky dropped the phone into his lap, then kept sitting there almost motionless with his shoulders hanging for half an hour and chiding himself a pathetic coward… And at the same time Steve was racking his brains about what Bucky had been about to say. …

*

Shortly after eight a lively fire was crackling in the huge copper bowl behind the house. The roughly carpeted benches were filled with all of the Starks and Bartons. Chatting comfortably, laughing together, the incident was not mentioned all evening. Peter was leashed, the crackling dancing fire was fascinating him too much. Tony was keeping an eye on him all the time. His wife was sitting across from him, between Steve and Thor, listening to her eldest telling about the museum and the seat of government. But Tony noticed that something was brooding inside her and prepared for a long night …

He probably wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. He let out a shaky breath and called Peter, who was sitting on the floor in front of him playing with a few wooden animals. He put the little boy to his lap hugging him close. Exceptionally, Peter did not fight against the deprivation of liberty. The youngest Barton stretched out his arms for his father and shouted: "Natty also arm, Daddy!" Clint lifted the little one up and Peter shouted: "Naddy-Daddy!" All the Starks' eyes were widening. "Peeda-Dony-Mida-Daak-Naddy-Daddy!" "Yes, Underoos, Natty is with his daddy and you are with your daddy."

"Peeda-Daddy," and with that he nestled his little arms around Tony's neck. Thor was cheering, Steve grinning broadly, Pepper staring with her mouth open and Loki smiling quietly. Tony was speechless, tears coming to his eyes and he hugged the little boy very tight. "Dony-Mida-Daak-Daddy-Peeda-down." "No, Spiderling. No chance, your daddy's needing you now.“ „Daddy-Daddy-Daddy-Peeda-down! "And since Peter had given him such a wonderful gift, Tony gave one to him and let him go back to his wooden animals. He glanced over to Pepper with a smile. Her smile was a little forced. She also had tears in her eyes. Her hands were tightly wrapped in her lap. He raised an eyebrow barely noticeably and nodded briefly. That meant as much as:

_What's going on?_ She was shaking her head also nearly not noticable. Which meant something like _Later._ Only Loki had noticed his parents' silent exchange and he was a little worried. The sensitive, attentive boy had also noticed that his mother was a bit _too_ cheerful and seeming to seethe under her surface. Steve and Thor of course hadn't had any clue …

*

All of the Starks hadn't gone to bed until the fire had burned down. They had all needed family time and although they were hardly talking recently, they all felt very close to each other. Tony had then put Peter to bed at 11 p.m. and was rewarded again with a "Dony Daddy Peeda thleepin". He turned to Pepper and the metaphorical storm clouds over her head made him rolling his eyes.

"Pep ... not now." "I don't know what you're meaning." "The day's been horrible, I know. But it' gone out so well, so _wonderfully_. I know you're torturing yourself. But just try to let it go. All is well, honey.“ Pepper opened her mouth, closed it again, and frowned. "You have nothing else to tell me?" "Shall I yell at you, you're gonna be better then?" Tony hissed. It was always like that. It rarely happened, but if Pepper was feeling really guilty, she was always denying her husband any ability to be generous, to forgive. He just didn't understand that, he never had.

"I've lost your one and only! What could have happened! You _have_ to be mad!” Pepper called excitedly, but rather quietly (with Peter sleeping in their room.). "My one and only ... that's what this is about after all" "What do you mean?" Tony just looked at her and was shaking his head.

"Oh ..." she started to speak faster, she was always becoming a speaking express train when she was in that mood (Tony thanked the god, whom he did not believe in that he was gifted with an intellect far superior to the ones in general to be able to follow this emotional rap.). "... isn't it like that? If the house burned, who would you save first from all of us?“ „Probably the one who would be fascinated by the flames. Like any reasoned person. "

"And if we were kidnapped and you were only allowed to have one of us back, who would you choose?" "Pep!" They were still quiet, they had been used to it since Peter was born, they could be extremely violently fighting in quieter than room volume. "This is so unfair, even for you!" " _Unfair_? Is it? Just say it, it's a very simple question, who?“ „I have to get out of here...“ Tony turned to the door. "If you weren't that pliable with him, it wouldn't have happened. Peter doesn't obey at all, not a bit!” Tony whirled around. His eyes burning with anger, his shoulders were square.

" _That_ was a deep blow, honey. I was eight miles away when you've lost Peter right under your nose and of course it's my fault in the end. Only _you_ can think of that.” Pepper was biting her lower lip. But Tony rushed out of the room before she could say something that could hold him back ... And she couldn't follow him either, after all, she couldn't leave Peter alone. She _really_ couldn't, irrational as it seemed to her, in a travel cot in a farmhouse, safe and secure, but she didn't want to be separated from her baby for a second after what had happened to her today …

Tony found a pillow and a blanket down in the house and was making up his mind for a moment. He decided on the pick-up. It was too cold on the loading ramp during the night, so he lay down in the back seat. It was very uncomfortable, even if you were only five feet something ... He wasn't sleeping much. Pepper had in fact transferred her occasional crazy and exceptionally irrational jealousy to Peter. Oh bummer...

But hours later, when he was wide awake after a couple of occasional dozes, he understood why she had gone so crazy. He would have never forgiven himself if something happened to Peter (or another member of the family, _yes,_ Pepper!) that could have been prevented by him. She must have felt terrible. Just as helpless as himself, so horrified and desperate, but still guilty on the top! But he couldn't go back to her now. After all, it had _really_ been a deep blow and his ability to suffer had limits …


	24. Holidays at the Bartons' - Part IV

**Holidays at the Bartons' – Part IV**

At breakfast everyone noticed - even Thor - that Mr and Mrs Stark were cross with each other. 'Cross' was not the word at all! Even Peter was sensing something and, for once, didn't want to get off Daddy's arm to explore his surroundings and his parents were talking to everyone as usual, but never a word to each other... Laura grabbed Tony after the depressing meal ("Could you have a look at the plow. Something is wrong where we're hooking it up to the tractor.”), Peter was pushed into Steve's lap (Deeve-Peeda-doadth!), Steve immediately toddled out of the uncomfortable atmosphere to bring his little brother to the goats. A look from Laura and Clint asked Pepper to take a look at their business accounts. Both of them of course wanted to help the Bartons in an instant.

After half an hour the two Bartons had accomplished the trick of convincing the pair to disappear for a day, talking everything through, and to be a couple again. "We've got three children, all of them are older now - in some cases significantly - than Pete. We'll get him to survive!” There were a few more half-hearted discussions, but Laura and Clint had been very determined. They almost threw Tony and Pepper out of their farm without the kids ... So the two of them rode off with the Honda another half an hour later heading to Pottomac Lake to rent a boat.

*

Steve was amused watching Peter's interacting with the goats. The little one was fine, thank God! And he was pure joy, a real ray of sunshine. He took his phone out of his pocket. No message from Bucky ... He himself hadn't written last night. He had been trying to cope with the excitement from the day and he had fallen into his hay bed dead tired. In his camera folder he chose three beautiful pictures of the campfire and of Peter with the wooden animals and sent them with the caption:

"Family's evening by the campfire." There was no answer. Steve frowned. Since he was in Montana, Bucky had always replied to his messages promptly. And then he was pondering again what Bucky had wanted to tell him, wanted to ask him before he decided against it. It must have had something to do with a boy. _That Gerrit_ from the pillow shelf, probably.

Bucky had of course noticed the text. He decided to open it later and then immediately mark it as 'unread' again. He had come across as brisk and urgent and desperate all along the whole time ... Maybe he had to give Steve a little more space to do something himself, to act, not just to _re_ act. It was interesting how Steve would and whether he was reacting at all …

Laura called for Steve and Peter. She and Clint had to go to the fields and that meant that at least Cooper, Natty and Peter had to go to the fields too. Under no circumstances did they want to force the little ones onto the Stark teenagers and Lila. Steve immediately agreed to help, Thor had already done so. Loki was a little more reserved. He wanted to be polite, but he couldn't imagine working in the field and before he could get into personal trouble at this, Clint was giving him and his daughter the task of covering the new planks in the winter garden with the protective wax layer. Loki liked to work with materials unknown to him and was very pleased. Lila was thrilled because Loki was plaesed and the morning had been planned through quickly. Clint and Laura had a routine of keeping children busy on a farm.

Everyone had a shower before lunch, field work was pretty sweaty. Peter and Natty had been pushing hay in a heap on the smaller of the two hay wagons all the time and were full of stalks and dust. Steve conscientiously applied sunscreen to the little ones after their bath. In the afternoon, he and Thor wanted to catch tadpoles and butterflies with the three little boys at the biotope at the other end of the Barton estate (they would of course be released afterwards).

Laura hesitated for a moment to let Peter out of her eyes because she was thinking of his parents, who would have accompanied and surveilled such an adventure, but she decided to use common sense. Thor and Steve were no longer children, and Steve in particular made a very responsible impression. She was also used on the sheep whose dirty tail puddles had to be combed out and cleaned. Clint couldn't possibly do it alone and the kids were sure to make the animals nervous with their bustle. So she took Steve's promise to be careful and Natty and Peter were put in the bike trailer and the two oldest Stark boys and Cooper were riding off. Loki and Lila were not yet done with their task because Loki insisted on meticulous care. The girl was obeying of course.

The biotope was created for teaching purposes. The Bartons maintained an 'outdoor classroom' from time to time and invited primary school classes. Sponsors were always found and it was a welcome extra income. There were lots of riparian plants and rich fauna. The boys had small fishing nets and large mason jars with them and caught all kinds of animals to watch. Peter soon had a jar with at least six different spiders, he just loved these animals. It was idyllic and Steve sat down comfortably on the bank, pulled out his phone and ... was disappointed. Still no message. He was chewing on his lower lip, snapped a picture of the little 'researchers' and sent it to Bucky with the caption " _Science fair!_ “

Bucky heard the notification tone in his pocket, the one for Steve, grinning happily, and left the phone where it was. Gerrit from the pillow shelf had previously suggested going to have a burger after work. Bucky had agreed. He had been sure Gerrit belonged to 'his camp' after the first minutes a few days earlier when they had been introduced to each other. He had no intentions on Gerrit, nor was he his type and there was Steve after all, but why should he be sitting on his bed every night and waiting for texts?

Steve scrolled through all the chats they had been writing since he was in Montana and then through some of the past few weeks, cudgeling his brains as to whether Bucky had 'specifically' mentioned anyone between the lines ... Because Bucky was being a bit off track lately. A less well-educated and less prudish person than Steve would have called it "horny" , but Steve did not think that way. He only felt that Bucky was seeming to be lonely somehow, as if he was missing something and longed for something …

Steve, who was very unsubtle and not very sensitive, primarily read from countless chats that Bucky often mentioned his own father, _Steve's_! _Urgh_ Steve lowered the phone and was thoughtfully staring into the air. Bucky apparently was thinking of Tony Stark as 'remarkable', 'awesome', 'innovative', 'cool', 'people his age would say 'dashing' lol' ... _dashing_? So translated _hot_ into the language of their generation? Was Bucky having the hots for _his father_? And Bucky had incorporated all of these comments into conversations over a period of a few weeks. Was he having _a crush_ on his dad? _Urgh_ again.

And then Steve's mind came up with a few situations in which Bucky had been acting a bit strange in his father's presence. Somehow a bit ... _flirty_. He had hardly dared to think it through when Thor's roaring laughter brought him into the present. He hadn't noticed the splashing sound before. He jumped up. Cooper stood on the bank with horrified eyes, Natty continued digging in the mud and Thor doubled up with laughter, while Peter was sitting, both arms stretched out, in the fortunately only 40 centimeters deep water, extremely disgusted and panicked in the brackish, algae-covered broth.

Cooper shouted: “You mustn't disturb the animals in the biotope! Get him out! If Mommy and Daddy find out ...“ Natty said something about "poor liddel fithies ... ", while Thor slowly calmed down and Peter awoke from his stiffness and started to cry heartily: "Dee-hee-eeve, do-hoo- hoor! Daddy-mommy!“ „Thor! Why haven't you paid more attention! Get him out!" Cooper shouted: "No! Thor is too big! He'll destroy everything and you can't go in either!” Steve was now with the small group and looked indecisive. The biotope would undoubtedly be damaged if he or Thor went in there. Natty looked up:

"Not thteb on fithies!" "Deeve! Door!" And after a pitiful sob:" Peeda-Dony-Mida-Daak-DADDY!“ „Cooper, _you_ go in, you are the smallest and very light!“ Steve cried desperately. His little brother's devastated crying tugged at his nerves. The addressed boy shook his head in panic. “We cannot go into the biotope. We'll destroy everything!“ „All fithies dead!" that was Natty.

Thor had grown serious and was looking a little guilty.

"I have an idea. Peter! Come to me! I'll stretch out my arms and you hold on.” He positioned himself, but could not reach Peter without possibly falling into the water himself. "Steve, hold my arm tight, then I can lean there further." Steve did as he was told and he and Thor formed a chain to pull Peter out of the shallow water. He was still crying, but calmed down quickly again being 'onshore'. Steve took the dirty wet clothes off upto his underpants and put them in the sun. Nevertheless, Peter was still covered in a smeary gray-green slick from head to toes by the algae.

Thor engaged the little one in a 'conversation' about the animals in the mason jars while Steve examined the damage to the biotope. It didn't seem very serious, but he didn't understand much about it. So in the evening he would have to stand his grounds and confess the incident to their hosts so that they could make a judgment. "Let's go back, Peter needs a bath." So they released all the animals, which triggered another mini-tantrum from Peter ("Peeda-bider-bider-bider"), but Steve was staying stern.

While he was bathing Peter again, a message from Bucky made his phone doing _that_ sound (Steve also had a special tone for it). Nothing could happen to Peter in the only 15 centimeters deep water. So Steve checked immediately.

" _Hey! Was it fun? Tsas, biology on vacation, you're really a nerd, Stevie! By the way, tomorrow I will get the pillow shelf. Just have to go grab a burger with Gerrit afterwards. Looks like I'd had to use my beautiful eyes much earlier to get rid of the fucking canned food ...;) ;) ;)_ “

Steve's heart sank ... So yes, _that Gerrit_... Should he answer? Immediately? Later? And if, then _when_ later? And _what_? Then Bucky probably was with... oh, Steve didn't want to think about it! However, his fingers had taken over (or it was his irrational side that was ruling now, who could say that? In any case, he had already started typing.

"So _Gerrit_ then? Okay ... is he cool? And ' _dashing_ '? Wishing you a nice evening.” Sent. Steve stared incredulously at what he had written. _FUCK!!!_ "Deeve! Bubbels!” Peter brought him back, who obviously wanted more bubbles. Steve automatically added more bubble bath to the water and stirred it up for his little brother.

Bucky read the message and opened his eyes widely. _WHAT?_ And then a wild joy was running through him, because that was, as idiotic that sounded, so strange and crazy and confusing ... Steve was ... clearly _jealous!_

*

(in the evening)

Tony and Pepper had returned in apparently the best mood - and very much in love. Pepper with about a hundred freckles on and around her nose (she had forgotten the sunblock) and Tony tanned a little more than before (Italian genes), a day on the water after all ... Peter had squezzed his father into his arms and bursted out a million (well, 15) words, rather mixed up: "Dony-Daddy-Peeda-fith-frog-bider-Deeve-wahta-urhh-Door-aam-Peeda-gryin-Daddy-Daddy-Daddy" Tony laughed happily at the flow of speech and Pepper beamed at them both. Her three older sons were relieved. Their parents had obviously had a nice day together and were resolving all of their disagreements.

Now they were all sitting around the table, sharing innumerable large Chinese take-away boxes. Pepper had informed Laura that they would bring dinner. Steve cleared his throat and raised his voice:

"Aunt Laura, Uncle Clint, Peter's fallen into the biotope." Cooper held his breath, Lila groaned in horror. "I'm sorry!" He hurried to add. Thor shouted, "It wasn't his fault. He was just texting on his phone, surely with the girl from Coney Island, you know ... ", he winked," ... it happened to me, I took him up to show him a dragonfly there he was fidgeting and fallen into it. Sorry.” Tony frowned at his sons. Clint immediately intervened:

"Tony, straighten your feathers. At no point is the biotope deeper than half a meter.” He relaxed again. Steve was a little red now. "I'm sorry, I was distracted. The damage's looking minor to me, but I can't judge it. If something needs to be repaired, I will of course help you or if it has to be done by a specialist, I will pay for it. I've saved money ... I ... ", his voice died. He looked around in confusion. His parents grinned at him like idiots, he did not notice the expressed pride. Clint's eyes widened and Laura was biting her lip as if to suppress a laugh. Thor stuck his chin out.

"I'll help too, it was my fault. I have no money, I always put everything in my band, but I can be working hard, yes!” The grin on the Stark parents was widening even more. Their boys were great! Clint cleared his throat. "Laura, explain to the city boys what a biotope is." Laura laughed briefly. “A biotope has to deal with outside influences. Peters thud in there, it has to regenerate itself again, without human help. It's a bit like when a storm devastates it or one of the animals running over there and falling in.” She smiled kindly at Steve and Thor. "Just see yourself - and Peter - as part of a series of experiments." Everyone was laughing (all over ten).

A glow-worm hike was planned for the evening for everyone who liked to join. The wild herb bed of the Bartons with its blooms attracted these little animals and as soon as it was dark enough Tony and Pepper wanted to go there with Peter. They were happy that Loki of all people wanted to come along. It wasn't normal for the boy to be that enthusiastic about country life. Lila also joined, of course. Thor had arranged a group chat with his Guardians, Cooper and Natty also went to bed early in the holidays and Steve was finding himself out of things to do. He was laying down in a hammock behind the house, snuggled up in a blanket, and looking up at the stars. Bucky was seeing the same stars when he looked up, there in New York, he was thinking, smiling when he remembered that Bucky was having burgers with _that Gerrit_ …

(New York)

"It's a shitty job, isn't it?", Gerrit was a regular employee at Tesco. He hadn't graduated from high school and had taken on odd jobs since then. The 21-year-old was interested in baseball, American football and reality TV and nothing else. Bucky'd found himself in an awefully boring evening, but he also thought he somehow was owning it to the co-worker to go through at least one date if he was so willing to do the dirty work for him, the temporary worker, to give him more pleasant tasks. Because it had been obvious that this was a date pretty quickly.

After work, they'd agreed to go home quickly to shower and change, and then meet at Betty's Burgers, about halfway between their two homes (well, Gerrit and his mother lived in a caravan in the local trailer park) one hour from now to get together. Gerrit looked at Bucky from top to bottom and grinned: "Get a bit pretty, no one oughta think, I'm no catch! And by the way, you're over 17, aren't you?” Bucky confirmed that and at home he put on tight jeans, a tank top and a light denim jacket after taking a shower. Gerrit wasn't his type (who else was but Steve after all?), but he didn't look bad. Tall, muscular (he did a lot of sports), light-brown hair and he spotted a cool goatie. He had piercings in his upper lip and in his tongue which were making Bucky quite curious ... But the conversation was completely monotonous.

"I'm planning to buy a motorbike from my summer wages, the payment is good." "You're still in high school?" "Yes, of course, dude, I'm 17!" Bucky laughed. Gerrit frowned. “When you drop off, you can be earning a lot more, working every day, full time! Why going through fucking school?” Bucky sighed inwardly. What was he being thinking, going on a date with such a moron! Then he had an idea: “I have someone in school. He's on vacation right now,” he thought that would keep the guy on distance. Gerrit narrowed his eyes.

"A high school sweetheart? That's cute. And yet you're here with me.” Bucky got pretty uncomfortable. Gerrit was much older than anyone in a similar situation before, and he was having clear intentions. The man who was very experienced noticed it and changed the tone. "Hey, we're just having a burger together, co-workers as we are, he won't mind, will he?" Bucky shook his head, still a bit uncomfortable. "Must be a great guy if he pulled someone like you," the older man smiled kindly now. Bucky did not unmask the maneuver and smiled too. "Oh ... St ... he's not bad at all, I can tell you."

"And he's far away and the two of you won't see each other for a long time, that has to be hard.", Gerrit was _so_ understanding. He may had been a bit stupid, but he was very smart with love, sex and relationships - street-smart, as they say. Bucky sighed. "At least for me ...", he whispered. "I'm sure he's missing you too. And surely you're in contact constantly, right?“ „Yes, but...“ „But?“ „Don't be mad at me, but I don't want to talk about it now.", He really wanted this fake high school romance no longer be discussed. It depressed him too much. "Do you know what you need?" "Better music than this?" Bucky grinned. Country was playing in the burger shop. "That too, come on. I'm gonna get the bill.“

*

Steve checked to see if anyone else had written to him. Oh! Three messages from Sam!

_"Heeey! It's incredible here in Costa Rica! I've got pictures of a thousand different lizards and I'm swimming in the Atlantic every day. How are you doing?_ ” Attached were a few pictures of brightly colored lizards and the sea.

“ _Today we've been to an Indian village. I've got me a cool spear and a falcon mask._ ” Pictures were attached again.

“ _We've been out on a deep-sea fishing boat. I've seen hammerhead sharks! HAMMERHEAD SHARKS!_ ” Shark pictures.

Steve texted Sam, commenting on his messages and pictures. He immediately texted back and then the two of them were chatting over an hour.

*

Gerrit went to a park with Bucky after a stopover at a liquor store, Bucky's protests had been a bit lame, he really really had wanted to have a proper drink for a while now,. The park was already closed, but they climbed over a wall and were laying down in the grass hidden behind some bushes. Gerrit conjured up cups from his backpack and poured himself and Bucky generous amounts of vodka. Bucky, who had only ever had a few cups ofbeer at some party three times in his life, did not notice how quickly the strong drink was going to his head. He was feeling light and funny and giggling a lot and let himself be pulled to Gerrit without resistance.

Then he kissed him. Something bristled in him: _That was wrong!_ But the next moment his blood was rushing to the middle of his body because Gerrit's tongue was playing with his (those piercings! How exciting!) and his hand had found its way into his groin. He let it happen. Letting be kissed passionately and he was pressing himself into the older man's touch. "You want it, baby, I know ..." Gerrit groaned between two kisses. Bucky's body was screaming "Yes!", But Bucky's head turned on: "This is not _Steve!_ " He forcibly pushed the man away.

"No!" "What do you mean 'no', you little shit? Your cock is as hard as a boulder and your greedy mouth also's speaking another language!", with these words Gerrit wanted to pull him back, but Bucky resisted violently and Gerrit laughed angrily: "What am I supposed to do with you child at all..“, pushed him away, packed his things and stormed off without another word. And Bucky was, God knows where, in a park, slightly drunk, his pickup truck miles away and feeling miserable. He had to cry ... The alcohol was making him really whiney. His parents were in Palm Springs and he wasn't going to call them anyway and Steve was in Montana and he was alone. Didn't have anyone. He was _so alone_ …

Bucky pulled his phone out of his pocket and located himself via GPS. Six miles to his car. Eight to his home. It was after midnight and he had only three dollars in his pockets ... He dropped back into the grass. _Oof._ A few minutes later he got up, climbed over the wall and ordered an Uber. He was finally able to get money at home to pay the driver. At one o'clock he dropped into bed and was looking for another job at the online job exchange. He couldn't go back to Tesco and Gerrit. Never in life! He'd found what he was looking for at a local gardening service. He sighed, even harder work, but similarly well paid, and now all good student jobs were gone anyway. He sent an application. Then he texted Steve:

" _Hey, how was your evening? My burger was better than the company. We've been making out a little but nothing else has been stirred up. I'm looking for another job right at the moment. That would be_ so _embarrassing now! I think he's wanted more ...;)_ “

Steve was staring at his phone, a bit dazed. Again he started writing without thinking.

" _Well, good luck next time! Perhaps then there will something be stirred up more..._ ” Then he was groaning in agony and quickly sent a smiling emoticon after.

Bucky was lying awake for hours, reading hundreds of past chats, trying to unravel the Steve dilemma. He wasn't finding anything between the lines. Not a single message that also a mere friend couldn't have written. _Damn_!


	25. Holidays the Bartons - Farewell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 25 is the last chapter of Part One. It was more or less an introduction of some of the main characters and the Stark's family life.
> 
> Part Two will mainly be about Steve's and Bucky's high school years together and is containing 35 chapters - starting soon. 
> 
> The high school chapters have been great fun to write, there's stuff - and characters - to be looking forward to. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcome. Have fun!

**Holidays at the Bartons – Farewell!**

Peter was sleeping in a little longer, they had been late with the firefliesthe other night, his parents had been chatting pleasantly with Loki, Lila had quickly fallen asleep on the blanket, she had the farmer's sleep rhythm after all. Peter had been chasing the dancing lights, but wasn't able to catch one. He still was laughing all the time though. It had been an enchanting evening and was ending in the guestroom with a toddler who was sleeping like a log and in the Stark reconciliation, part two.

Today there was an excursion to a corn maze on the schedule. Equipped with a big already packed picnic basket, they would have to drive a bit and were going pay a visit to a western ghost town on their way back. Thor was pleased with that like a Punch. They would only make it back to the farm for dinner. They divided up in the two vehicles and Steve was driving the pick-up and Tony the Honda as usual. Steve had been up early with a glowing lump of jealousy in his stomach and immediately feeling a pang of guilt about it. After all, Bucky hadn't had the best date and then there was the problem with his job. He was a bad friend. He immediately texted him.

" _Hey, I didn't mean to annoy you. I'm really sorry that your date went so badly_ ” (That was a lie, but Steve had a guilty conscience) “ _What are you doing on your job now?_ ”

Oh, how _nice!_ Steve was _sorry_ that Bucky was left with a huge erection and full of sexual frustration. But it was also _really_ nice that he was asking about the job. So Bucky swallowed up his pride replying, " _Have an interview with a landscape gardener._ " He had actually responded to his application before Steve's message. He desperately was in need of workers. " _Wish me luck!_ "

" _I will. Same for me about finding my way out of the corn labyrinth? And I hope Thor isn't gonna find a loaded gun while playing cowboy in Nevada City!_ “ Bucky was suddenly so desparately longing that it almost hurt. If only he could be there too. With the Starks ... Of course he wasn't writing any of that and just sent a 'thumbs up'. If only he was allowed to stay Steve's friend, even if he'd never get what he really wanted! He was more at home in that family than in his own - by far!

*

The corn maze was planted on a huge area and in the middle there was a small fort with a tower. A colorful flag fluttering merrily of the wind on the tip, and the team that was going to conquer it first would be the winner. Tony had booked the labyrinth completely until 2 p.m., only for his group. What was any good in being a billionaire for if you weren't taking advantage of it from time to time? Steve and Thor as the eldest got teams drawn and Steve was finding himself in a team with Lila, Cooper and Natty and Thor with Loki and Peter. Swapping wasn't allowed. Smartphones were cashed in. The two team leaders each received a tablet with live chat to the registration office. In emergencies, you could have a map sent with gps from there.

The young girl, a local high school student, a pretty dark-haired thing spotting a name tag, 'Emily', with long tanned legs in very short shorts, was only looking at Steve during her explanations. He turned a little red, but it also was flattering to him. If he was being somewhere with Bucky, he was always remaining so invisible ... The two entrances were also drawn and both teams disappeared into the corn field.

Tony and Pepper lay down on a blanket under a nearby tree to be reading. They were almost never coming to this during the year. Pepper was leaning against the trunk and Tony put his head in her lap. The night before, they were talking about how grown up their sons were now and had decided to give them a little more confidence. Tony's arm was on Pepper's bare legs and he was painting little circles on her skin with his fingertips while he was reading. She was playing with his hair. Life was good ...

The labyrinth was under video surveillance and Emily, the instructor was watching the ongoings on her monitoring screens all the time. Well, she was watching Steve …

Steve spread his strategy to his team. They would - of course - have to stay together. They would always take the right turn until they came to a dead end, they would count the turns, then they could easily go back to the starting point and from there try all the left turns. Ultimately, this method would surely put them to the center, it was just like math. While they were still talking everything through, Thor, Peter firmly at hand, and Loki as the rearguard, just ran off.

"Thor!" Loki called after a few turns. "We're needing a system!" His older brother stopped. "System?" "Yes, otherwise we're running in circles all the time." Peter was fidgeted again impatiently. "Go on-flag-Door-Loo-i" Thor frowned, pondering heavily. Loki was looking around and he noticed the colored threads hanging arbitrarily on and in the stalks. "Call the headquarters." "What, why? Do you have to go to the toilet?” Loki just gave him a deadly look. "I just want to ask her something." That wasn't against the rules. "Yes?" Came the girl's voice from the tablet, bored.

"May we use the threads?" Loki asked. "You've quickly figured it out, little one, respect!" She replied. "Yes, you may." "Excellent, thanks!" He'd already started pulling all the red threads that he spotted from the plants, the red ones were the largest amount. Thor was watching him in confusion. "We are marking our way, so we're gonna know soon where we already have been!" Loki explained impatiently. Thor beamed. "Loki, you are the _best_!" Now Loki was beaming too, but you couldn't see, he was standing with his back to the others …

Tony had noticed that his wife hadn't been reading for a while, her StarkPad was next to her. He smiled to himself. "You're staring at me, honey. After all these years, I'm flattered.” Pepper laughed and took his StarkPad out of his hand. "I was thinking ...", she smiled mysteriously now. He smiled back unsuspectingly, wanted to take off his reading glasses. "No!", She called softly, "You look so sexy with them.“ He chuckled and left them on.

"What kind of devilry are you thinking about again, honey?" Then he was pulling a playful face. "I'm not doing it in a public toilet." He was slapped on the arm for that. "Ouch, you're always hitting me." "Only if you deserve it." "I seem to deserve this more than I've thought. Maybe I should be starting enjoying it.” He raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Darling, I want another baby," Pepper now dropped the bomb and she looked very serious about it. Tony's grin was fading. Slowly, he straightened up, leaning against the log next to her, and looking at her over the edge of his reading glasses. Yep, she was dead serious.

"Oh, Pep ..." he sighed and felt for her hand, she pressed his firmly. "A little girl, Tony, wouldn't that be wonderful?" She whispered, with big shimmering baby blue eyes and a shy smile. Pepper was rarely being so ... tender and thoroughly feminine. She was looking like a young girl in her first shy infatuation. And he was feeling like a hero in golden armor - well, red should also be thrown in, looked good on him. Tony's features softened …

"Oh darling ..." she hissed tightly and the shy little girl was gone. "... if you're looking at me like this, I'll drag you straight to the pick-up and have you making me a baby." Suddenly he was back on track. That wasn't a good thing! In such serious matters, lying or even joking was strictly forbidden. Relationship rule No 3, he thought. He took a deep breath, laughed a little shakily, and raised both hands.

"Slowly there, honey," he was trying to save time. She immediately saw through it frowning a little, getting back from him but only slightly, just so that she could look at him better. "You are not enthusiastic about the idea ..." she said lamely. "That's not something I would just call an 'idea'. It's not like you just wanted to buy a pair of shoes.“ „Great comparison.“ „Pep ...“ „Oh, just leave it, it was stupid.", She looked into her lap. But he was feeling that she was very disappointed …

*

Their sons in the cornfield had no idea of the fateful conversation out there: Loki would have been hit like with a truck. He loved Peter dearly, but the likelihood that it would be another such a great baby like him for a second time was negligible. Steve would have been seriously worried about his mother's health, a fifth pregnancy and - _sorry_ – at her age! Peter, who would not understand what such a conversation was meaning, would have his bad awakening many months later: dethroned, displaced, only the second youngest, no longer Daddy's baby ... Thor would probably have been happy. The more Starks, the better, and he was not one who was used to brooding.

Meanwhile, Emily from headquarters was watching the team duel with interest, both teams had good strategies. She bet on the team with the little know-it-all, but of course she was hoping Steve's team would win. Then she could smuggle her phone number into the cheap plastic cup. And this team was not bad either. The hot guy had his group well under control, they were obeying on each of his word, while the team around blondie with the whirlwind baby often had to interrupt their mission to argue or to pull the little rascal out of a hedge. It was remaining thrilling ..

*

"Pepper," Tony said firmly now, taking her hand. "Look at me." There were tears in her eyes. Oh, that was pretty hard, but it had to be. "Please don't do that. Don't cry, please, honey ... ”, he pressed his lips against her fingers. "Oh, Tony ... It's just ... the boys are great and you've always wanted a little girl." She swallowed bravely. "Just imagine it!" He took a deep breath.

"Pep, baby, I can't do this anymore. I'm 47. It's going to be too much. I'm sorry. "She put her hands on his face: "You can do everything! You are awesome! The best father in the world and the boys would help you. Or I'm staying at home and we're hiring more help and ... “, her speech was dying down. She knew the determined whlie painful expression on her husband's face so well. He wasn't meaning to hurt her, by God, but he had made up his mind. Without saying a word, she was sinking against his chest and he hugged her tightly and tenderly, kissing her hair.

"Forgive me honey. Please forgive me.“ „Oh you, stupid!“, She called half laughing, half crying. Then she looked up. "I'm not mad at you about it! We could only decide that together and ... well, in the end we would have had another boy again ...“ „They're all great, I don't want to trade.“ „I know, neither do I. But we could have ... ” Tony looked at her sternly. Bruce had developed a method for laying hens in his biophysics laboratory that would only produce female offspring to abolish the cruel chick killing. Pepper had jokingly told him at the time: "If only you could have done it earlier, Peter would be the little Hela I've always wanted." Tony had been outraged and had been sulking for a long time over that ..

"Pepper. You've said it yourself: Everything is wonderful. We are happy. We both are doing exactly what each of us can do best at this stage of our lives and we _are_ the best at it. Never change a winning team. Our life is just as it is perfect." She was looking at him thoughtfully for a long time, then snuggled up to him and whispered in his ear: "Thank God I'm married to a genius, an idiotic genius, but a genius at last! I love you.” He kissed her instead of an answer. Pepper was planning on making an appointment for a vasectomy right after the Montana vacation. Then at least in the future they could leave out the annoying condoms …

*

The teams arrived at the same time. The four older boys looking at each other like rival cowboy gangs while Peter was already on the ladder to the tower. Steve jumped forward, grabbing the little one and putting him back on the ground. "Hey! You cheater!” Thor shouted indignantly. "No, I just don't want him to get hurt!", So Steve was on the first step. Thor lunged at his big brother putting his arms around his waist, pulling him back. "Loki, go!" Lila, in a fit of ambition, pushed her crush violently, so that he lost his balance and then she was on the ladder as quick as a weasel. Loki started screaming:

"Aaaah, my arm, the one I've got hurt when falling from the horse!", He was holding his arm against his chest and grimacing so much that everyone stopped. "Steve ..." Loki was sobbing and whimpering now. Steve immediately rushed to Loki's side and dropped to his knees. "Hey, little one, I'm gonna help you, everything will be fine." Lila hesitantly came down the ladder looking at Loki guiltily, Cooper turned his head from one to the other in confusion, Natty was painting circles into the dust and Peter had discovered a pretty little red spider that had his interest more than the game in an instant.

"Thor, go!" He reacted at lightning speed for his standards, was up the ladder in an instant and pulled down the flag. Loki was holding his sides from laughing at the sight of Steve's team staring at him (except Natty). Peter shouted: “Deeve! Bider!“ And then suddenly Steve had to laugh, too. That was really hilarious! Loki, the little cunning actor! Emily's voice came over the pads:

"Congratulations! Victory goes to Team Green!” She sent the labyrinth map and activated the GPS signal. The teams were finding their way in a few minutes. Emily handed the trophy to Thor while politely asking the family's parents (looking at Steve out of the corner of her eye): "So, sir, madam, what are you going to do in the area today?" „We're in need of a place for a picnic. Can you recommend something to us? You sure know your way around here.” Tony asked charmingly. She asked him for his StarkPad to set his gps on a pretty little lake.

"We're going to Nevada City after!" Thor exclaimed excitedly. "Oh ..." the girl replied. "It's pretty lame if you're not into cake-eating and sawing competitions." "Sounds cool!" Thor peeped up. “A rodeo show is taking place in my town this afternoon. I'm gonna take part.” Now she looked Steve in the face. He was going red and was about to reject. Then Pepper piped up in (it was something like a test): "Why don't you stay here after the picnic and we're gonna pick you up after our trip to the ghost town?" "But who's driving the Pick-Up?" „Me?“ Thor shouted eagerly.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sunny. I'll drive the Pick-Up, Mom the Honda. If you want to stay, Steve.” He looked from his parents to Emily and then back again. Quickly, because Emily was glancing at him so challenging that he was embarrassed. "If it's okay. Mom. Dad?“ „Sure, junior, no problem!” And so it was arranged. Steve would go to the rodeo with Emily and watch her and everyone else went to Nevada City, where Thor would gobble up countless cakes and Cooper would win a prize at the sawing competion under ten and Lily in archery under twelve …

Steve had a great time at the rodeo. Emily's peers, consisting of tanned, noisy, laughing cowgirls apparently were thinking of the boy from New York as very interesting and everyone was flirting with him. Emily'd won one of the rodeos and was fastening her price bow to Steve's shirt instead to her horse. Later she pulled him behind a wall in the stable and they were kissing - very passionately. Steve touched boobs (through fabric) for the first time in his life. It was overwhelming. So soft and somehow not soft at the same time.

His body went up in hots and the middle of it beginning to throb painfully. He wasn't ready to do more with it, of course, but making out passionately with Emily for a while until it was time to go to the meeting point with his family. All the attention he got was leaving him buzzing and thrilled and since his dad was still riding the Pick-Up, he could indulge in it on the front bench and he decided on writing Bucky in detail.

*

Steve was writing half a novel about his day and the name Emily was one of the most common words in it... Bucky, who had done nothing after his successful interview other than watching YouTube videos and waiting for Steve's texts, was feeling so empty afterwards and deaf and dead that he went to his father's liquor closet, the lock was no problem for a technically gifted person like him, poured himself a huge jar of whiskey. He carefully refilled the bottle with water to the original level and put the lock back on .

Then he sat down on his bed with his (bitter, actually disgusting) drink feeling sorry for himself. So actually, Steve liked girls ... Maybe it was better that way ... If Steve was into girls, it was no wonder that he, Bucky, had never gotten any further. But why weren't they ever talking about it? He no longer was getting the world's going and sipping out jar of whiskey. Then he answered Steve:

" _Have you kissed her?_ "

" _Yes._ "

" _Tongue?_ "

" _Well... and even more (a bit, don't ask)_ "

" _Stevie, you dog! Your game is beginning! Get all hot and steamy!_ ” Then Bucky tossed his phone onto the end of his bed, where it bounced off and topled to the wooden floor. He dove after, slightly panicked. The screen was cracked, but the phone was still usable.

" _How was your interview?_ "

" _Who are you talking to? Got the job._ "

" _Great, congratulations!_ "

Bucky would have to get up in seven hours, but he couldn't stay in his room now. He changed and went out again ... In the back seat of a Ford, he had the first orgasm of his life with a second person present later that night.

*

The rest of the holiday went by quickly and when the Starks were saying goodbye on their last day at the farm, tears were flowing as always. The Bartons would come back to New York in January, so they were trying to sooth themselves, but that had to be still a long six months …

Bucky hadn't texted Steve that much anymore. He apologized for this with his strenuous gardening job. Steve was swallowing that, although he somehow was sensing that there was something odd. He was sorely missing Bucky's messages, but now he was looking forward to seeing him again, and everything would turn out well. He was also chatting a lot with Sam and was looking forward to seeing him again back home. After all, Bucky would still be working a lot the rest of the holidays.

" _I'm on the plane now! Are you having some time on your hands tonight?_ ” Bucky, who had decided on making himself a little rarer, chewed on his lower lip. He was missing Steve so terribly, but ... Then an idea came to him.

" _Meet me with some people at the Maddocks, come on!_ " Steve frowned. What people? And at the _Maddocks_? Maddocks was a pretty run down youth hangout in the harbor area.

" _After six hours on the plane? I think I'm too exhausted then. Can't you come seeing me at home?_ "

"Excuse me, sir, you have to turn off the phone now. We're departing shortly. ”, A flight attandant smiled regretfully at Steve. He obeyed, of course, and would only be able to read Bucky's answer in six hours …

Bucky was been thinking all morning and then:

" _I'm dropping by briefly, but the date has been around for a while. Maybe you're thinking about it?_ ” Steve had checked immediately after landing and was a little disappointed.

For the rest of the holidays, Bucky was a bit cold and distant, had little time, and didn't text often. _When_ they were together, everything was as usual. They were talking and laughing and had fun. Bucky had liked the bracelet and he was even wearing it now and then. Now Sam was more often with Steve than Bucky. They were becoming good friends. Steve was convinced that when school started, everything would work out again. Bucky and he had been inseparable for years! And would have one or the other classes together in junior!

And Bucky? He had given up for the second time...


	26. First Day in Junior High

# Book II - Growing Up 

**First day in Junior High**

On the first day of school there was a big hello in all classrooms. Steve came in the last second before the bell was ringing. It had been a bit hectic in the morning. They had to turn back after a few miles because Thor had forgotten his signed grades sheet ("Oh, the wipe, I hope I can find it!"). Steve was groaning annoyed and offered to help him find it. Loki in the backseat was happy slidding over to a window seat. Peter was babbling merrily and Tony surreptitiously rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Sam had kept Steve a seat and excitedly waved him over. Bucky was slouching in the last bench and tapping on his phone, plugs in his ears. Steve quickly sat down and said hello to Sam when Mr. Phillips came in. Steve was looking forward to his junior high year. He'd attend advanced Social Sciences (politics and history primarily), English and Creative Writing, and had applied for the Latinum group. He would study all other subjects on basic levels.

But the final word in classes distribution was to be the tutor's for Junior High, Mr Phillips. Sam had applied for Sports Science, Social Sciences and Spanish, Bucky for Maths, IT and Technology as well as Drama, Media and Event Planning. The latter had surprised Steve. Bucky just laughed saying, "I wanna do that so I can relax some time. Have you seen the Maths and IT killer curriculums? "

Phillips plugged a USB stick to the smartboard and opened the classes list. Steve was relieved. He had landed in his dream classes. Sam also did so. Bucky's name was 'on trial' in Maths and Drama. Steve turned to him and he just shrugged his shoulders. He still was having the earplugs put in.

Mr. Phillips, a stern but fair man, was answering a few questions. Two girls wanted to swap classes immediately and switch to Drama. Bucky had grown to his in the end expected height of 1.83m during the holidays and was very tanned from the physical work outdoors. His hair was longer now and falling casually into his eyes. Steve sighed inaudibly. He was looking so good! Phillips had just stated in an unmistakable tone that the classes distribution could not be shaken up until the end of the trial period of four months, ie until the Christmas holidays. This trial period also applied to students who were included in the classes on a trial basis.

“Barnes, if you haven't noticed, this is affecting you too. Earplugs out.” Bucky was grinning and slowly pulling the headphones out of his ears. "Sorry, sir. But the music hasn't been on, honestly.” “You're understanding that in two classes you are only on trial? That means hard work.” “Yessir” Phillips nodded curtly. James Barnes was an intelligent boy and could certainly pass the probationary period if he didn't get distracted too much ... But the boy was a sheer distraction himself and that usually got to kids' heads when at that age and would probably get him into trouble. Bucky Barnes was just _looking_ like trouble on legs. The teacher was sighing secretly. Steve raised his hand.

“Yes, Stark?” “What happens if you don't make it through the trial period?” “Then you'll have fewer classes at a high level. Not a too good prerequisite for your college application. If you want to apply for another subject after the trial period has ended, you 'll haveto take an aptitude test. So maybe the best thing is you all are working hard on your classes. It is not easy to get started after more than a quarter of a year. In addition to taking your wishes into account, your classes have been carefully selected for you. I'm going to give you your timetables now. "

Steve was to attend to English and Sam to Sports Science. Bucky was gathering up his belongings and stopped briefly with the two on the way out.

"IT. At least I'm not on trial!” He winked. "See you around in Science!“

*

A funny, chattering circle had formed around Thor and Quill. They were the class clowns and quite popular. Nebula was studying her new schedule, it was hanging on the bulletin board in class. Mrs. Dawson would tell them first class this morning what talent programs they had been accepted into, provided they had applied. She wanted to attend Science and Technology as well as Maths. Loki had been in Chemistry, Drama, and English Literature for the past year and had passed all exams. Quill and Thor wanted to be included in Music/Band.

Loki was in the back row reading a thick book. Brandon Rumlow, his friends were calling him 'Brock', stalked up to him, being watched by his "fans". Rumlow was a subtle bully who always got away with his lousy taunts. He pulled the book away from Loki and looking at the title. In a mocking voice, he cried out: "Oh, our little bookworm is reading Romeo and Juliet again (which was not true, it was just the only Shakespeare play that the dumb guy'd known of)!"

"Leave my brother alone!" Thor had appeared behind Brock and was glaring at him. Loki, who was making little of the guy's stupid remarks, was shaking his head in Thor's direction. He was clenching his fists. "Return the book, Rumlow!" "Is the little sissy needing tutoring on suicide? I can understand.” Rumlow laughed and throwing the book on Loki's desk. Thor was seeing red and lunged at the other with an angry cry. Immediately a circle of noisy spectators were forming around the brawling pair. Thor was popular, but Brock also had his clique and nobody intervened. Nebula and Loki actually wanted to, but they were more of outsiders in the class. Nobody would listen to them. Quill was cheering Thor on and had a lot of fun at the fight.

"What's going on here?" Their teacher's voice boomed through the classroom. Everyone was quickly running to their seats. It was best not to tangle with Mrs Dawson. "Brandon and Thor, after school I'm going to see the headmaster. What a behavior, already on the first day of school. In front of a guest at that.” The students only now noticed that a pretty black girl was waiting in the doorway looking shyly into the classroom. She was about their age, maybe a little younger. “Come on in, Shuri. I want to introduce you. "

The petite girl was been eyed curiously. She was wearing handmade jewelry, a lot of jewelry, clearly African style, but her clothes were no different from those of the kids in New York, jeans, top, denim jacket, sneakers.

"Class, that's Shuri Udaku. She and her brother T'Challa, who will be attending Junior High, are visiting the United States for a year for their studies. They're living in the Wakandan embassy in New York. Be good hosts and make sure that our African guests are feeling comfortable. Sit down here next to Nebula, Shuri (Nebula was sitting alone).” She pointed to the empty seat. “Ultimately, you two are both attending the Science and Technology club. Yes, Nebula, you are assumed and all of you are getting information about your extracurricular clubs in an instant!” the teacher called when many hands shot up. Shuri smiled shyly at Nebula while sitting down. Nebula offered her hand nodding curtly. "Cool, you're going to the same gifted club as I do!" "Glad to meet you, Nebula." The African had an accent, but her grammar was perfect.

"Dude, Thor, that's a record, isn't it? Headmaster's office on the first day of school!”, Quill smirked at his bank neighbor. He was looking a bit baffled. His parents won't like that at all ... Quill and Thor were relieved to learn that they were included in the Music/Band club. Now they all had classes together with Mrs. Dawson until lunch.

*

Sam, Steve and Bucky came back together in the Science lab after their block periods in their corresponding advanced classes. "Hey, how's it been?" Steve asked the group, as they were settling in the second bench. "Crazy! The code that Professor van Dyne had us to be corrected was really tough. My head's been about to explode. Challenging but interesting the same“ „We've had anatomy for two hours,” Sam said.“ „And have you learned anything new?" Bucky smirked, the other just rolled his eyes. Steve had a lesson on stylistic devices that had been a little boring.

The room was filling up. Some girls were struggling a bit for seats near Bucky, and just in time with the ring of the bell Professor Henderson, a physics and chemistry doctor came in with a handsome black young man maybe a little older then them. All eyes were on the pair, undisguised curiosity on their faces. The guy was wearing American clothes but also a striking chain with matt black shimmering metal teeth around his neck.

"Class! I want to introduce Prince T'Challa Udaku from Wakanda to you.” Whispering and excitement following his words. _A prince!_ “He and his younger sister are attending our school for a guest year. I'm expecting courtesy and hospitality from you. Mr Udaku, please sit down next to Sam Wilson and Steven Stark, they're in the same class as you after lunch. Mr. Barnes, please go back, next to Miss Carter.“ Bucky got up and toddled off. Peggy Carter of all people, he was groaning inwardly. Some of the female students envied Peggy, while the other would love to trade with Steve or Sam. _A prince!_ Steve and Sam said hello the African boy warmly and he was sitting down gracefully in the bench

Bucky dropped his backpack next to the chair.

"Peggy," he nodded curtly. "James," came the very pressed answer. Bucky was rolling his eyes. Apart from the teachers, really only Peggy Carter was calling him 'James' at school. As if 'Bucky' was an award he wasn't worthy of with her strict expectations. So be it. He googled 'Wakanda' under the bench. A small country but very rich thanks to generous mineral resources and T'Challa would one day be king. _Interesting_.

Then Professor Henderson was ginving a lecture on the importance of all classes in junior high, even if they were not of an advanced level.

*

Nebula had offered Shuri sitting with her Guardians group for lunch, but Shuri was wishing to meet up with her brother, assuring her she would be happy if Nebula'd take her to the tech lab after lunch.

Shuri found T'Challa at a table with three boys his age. One was black with a noticeable gap between the incisors, one of them the all-American blonde high schooler and one was having longer brunette hair and a really pretty face. She stopped shyly, but T'Challa noticed her and immediately getting up to wave his sister to the table.

"My sister Shuri. Shuri, that's Steven, Sam and Bucky. All of them with me in junior high.” They were shaking hands. Then the siblings started talking rapidly in their home language, with many clicking sounds and strange syllables, it was sounding like music after they had made sure that their neighbors won't think it was rude. The three of course waved them off. The two of them certainly were having a lot to talk about and always having to speak in a foreign language was definitely tiring ...

*

Luckily, Bucky managed a head start in the Drama and Media class right from the start. The curriculum for the first trimester included design and visual communication and their teacher, Mrs Jones was a little overwhelmed with modern technology. Bucky was a shiner at that and the only one in class who also was attending IT and Tech, so she immediately appointed him 'chief engineer'. The trial period in this would be a no brainer!

*

When Tony was waiting for his boys with Peter after school, leaning against his car, Titan came over to him. "Stark!" "Mr Titan. Have you had pleasant holidays?“ „A lot to do, you know how it is.“ Tony grunted in agreement. "I have some ideas for the coming school year. You may be interested in a campaign I've been working on for a while.“ „Dad!” Gamora interrupted her father to Tony's relief, she had been sprinting to them and was a bit out of breath. "We're in a hurry! Is Nebula already there?“ Titan looked at his daughter questioningly.

“The martial arts school. I don't want to be late for my first lesson.” “Oh, well, go on, Nebula is surely waiting at the car." “Goodbye, Mr. Titan, Gamora." "Goodbye, sir," the girl was pulling her father away. Steve and Loki reached the car. "Hi, dad." "How's your day been? Where's Thor?” Loki informed his father that Thor was in the headmaster's office and needed to be picked up there. Tony sighed. It was starting well, the school year. Steve suggested: "Give Peter to me, dad." "I'm taking him with me, then maybe I can shorten the whole thing." That wasn't the only reason Tony wanted to take Peter along. The charm of the little one was always softening cross people, sometimes even Doctor Strange ...

*

"Miss Hooper! I hope you've enjoyed the holidays!“ „Mr Stark!" Peter immediately echoed: "Mida-Daak-Dony-Daddy“ „And there is Peter, too! Wait, you have grown!”, the secretary cooed. "Dr Strange is waiting for you. Mr Rumlow's already in there. The little rascals too.“ _Rumlow_ ... Tony had never heard of that name ... His sons were telling him little to nothing about all the quarrels and petty wars that were everyday life at high school. He was too inclined to interfere and they all didn't want that. He knocked briefly and entered the headmaster's office after hearing his “yes, please”. Dr Strange was sitting behind his desk, a middle-aged man opposite him, probably Rumlow. Thor and a boy his age were sitting on chairs against the wall. The headmaster got up politely.

"Mr Stark. I haven't expected to have to ask you to come to my office that early in the schoolyear, as it's the first day.“ „Oh, is he coming often? Little troublemaker, the junior, huh?“ The man turned and was eyeing Tony and the toddler on his arm up and down. "Dr Strange, Mr ..." "Rumlow, Ed Rumlow." "Sit down please, Mr Stark.", with that Strange sat down himself. He smiled at Peter. "Hello Peter." "Pida-Dony-Mida-Daak-Daddy-thgool" "He has learned new words." Tony beamed at Dr Strange. "Yes! Great, isn't it?” Rumlow cleared his throat. The headmaster became businesslike.

"Brandon, Thor, do you have anything to tell your fathers?" Both men turned to the boys. "He started it! Just got on me because I was making a silly joke. And then we've been fighting. Thor hasn't just stopped!“ Brock called immediately. "Is that true, Sunny? Have you started the fight?“ „Yes, pop. I've gotten the joke in the wrong throat, I'm sorry.“ Thor was looking straight and honestly into his face, every cell of him courage and bravery.

Dr Strange had learned how it happened from Mrs Dawson, who had been told by Nebula. However, if Thor had decided not to pursue the subject in his home, Dr Strange wanted to let him have the freedom to do so himself. He would be keeping an eye on it, keeping an eye on Loki. The boy wasn't seeming like a victim of bullying. He simply wasn't caring enough about the opinions of other (stupid) people. But he just had to sanction brawls. School rules.

"Well, I think we can accept Thor's apology. However, you both upset Mrs Dawson, especially today, when she brought a guest to the class. You will apologize to her and Shuri Udaku and take over all class services for a week, together. Organize it like civilized people.“ „Yes, Dr Strange” Thor replied immediately. "But Brandon was attacked, shouldn't he be allowed to defend himself?" The other boy's father called.

"Mr Rumlow, Brandon punched Thor in the face. We won't tolerate that in our institution.” Tony's eyes shot to Thor's face. Only now did he notice the slight swelling on the left cheekbone. "Sunny ..." he groaned. "All right, pop, isn't hurting so much anymore. The school nurse's have given me an ice pack.”“ „Brandon?” Dr Strange asked sternly, but still kindly at the same. The boy was clever enough to always act as the nice one at the right moment. "Dad, Dr Strange is right. I also want to apologize. And Thor?“ „Hm?“ „Class service? Let's go with the left, right?” Thor was playing along, grinning and shouting. "Sure, man!"

*

At dinner, Steve was telling about his classes that a real prince, the heir to the throne of the African country Wakanda, now was with them in junior high. "Oh, Shuri is a princess then?" Thor called. "A princess? What does she look like?” Pepper asked with shining eyes. "Absolutely normal. Girl in jeans and sneakers.” Thor replied matter of factly. "And the prince, Steve? Is he your age? Is he nice?“ „He is already 18. He's making a nice impression. Very dignified, coming with the royal upbringing probably.“ „I hope you have been behaving well.“ „Of course, Mom." Nobody said anything about the 'invitation' to the headmaster's office ...


	27. How to pull a real Prince?

**How to pull a real Prince?**

A few weeks later, junior high students found themselves in a shitload of never ending work. The New York Sanctuary High was an elite school and the year before last the full seriousness of life began, it seemed. Steve and Sam were together in a Social Science study group, but they were hardly spending any time with Bucky. The Drama class in particular was time-consuming, as it was filled with all sorts of projects, practical lessons in the ateliers, rehearsals, group work and the theoretical studying material. So no class to relax after all …

Bucky had gathered a small circle of 'fans' around him, so he managed to delegate part of the workload, with amiability and a few favors, just have it, please. He was very charming if he wanted to. It was different in Maths. The level of performance was close to that of an average college and Bucky was only on trial. He buffed through endless nights and was living - as it seemed to him - from the coffee machine in the cafeteria ... The only thing that still was easy for him was Tech and IT. That just fell into his lap.

Sam did a lot of training for his Sports class and Steve had to constantly write page-length essays and read thick books for English. With Prince T'Challa, Sam and Steve had made friends easily, they also were togther the study group, while Bucky had not yet managed to get to know the African better. He couldn't even say if he had a chance. The good-looking man attracted him, he was - for fucking sake - a _prince_! He was handsome with his deep black melancholy eyes, having this aura of exoticism and last but not least it would kill Bucky if the prince _liked_ boys and he wouldn't even have tried!

_Steve ..._ Bucky's feelings hadn't changed a bit. On the contrary: the distance he had set himself from his friend only hurt and incited his longing even more. But he won't chase him anymore. If fate had planned on the the two of them together, It had to be Steve's turn now. Only Steve probably didn't even let his own fate dictate anything about himself.

Bucky'd decided to try to distract himself. Getting it on with someone in earnest. Not just an occasional smooch or a hand job in the car. He had to find someone to date with properly. Maybe that was what' needed to push Steve into his direction a little! And his first try-out goal just _had_ to be ... Prince T'Challa. If he was on Bucky's team even a little or only every now and then, he could pull him. Who if not him?

*

Nebula and the two years younger Shuri were partners in the tech laboratory. They worked very well together and were almost like friends. However, Nebula was a person who did not open up quickly to others and she already had a friend: Thor. Plus a good buddy like Quill. And her sister Gamora was there too. Everything at the proper time was her motto. Thor and Quill spent a lot of time in the band's rehearsal room and were rocking there for hours with Gamora often watching them. Quill was seriously in love with her now and was having high hopes. Gamora thought he was cool sometimes laughing at his stupid jokes, but didn't really want to commit.

Thor had lost his heart to Jane Foster. She was a year above them and middle school's prefect. During his detention with Brock, one of the tasks was to go through the annual calendar of student activities with the grade prefect and then introduce them to the class. Jane was a somewhat serious, very intelligent, and dedicated student with sparkling dark eyes and a sweet giggle when she let it be heard. He had told Quill and the insensitive guy had laughed at him. As if Thor didn't know that a girl _that_ beautiful _and_ smart would never be interested in a dummy like him …

*

On the day Steve attended the New York Book Fair with his English class, Bucky started his first attempt at T'Challa. They would have Sports Science together on basic levels and since Sam took this as advanced, he wouldn't be there either. Today's topics included cardio-pulmonary circulation and external influences. They should team up in pairs and work out the topic. Excellent! Because Bucky often having lunch with them as a friend of Steve's and Sam's, the prince chose him. Now both of them were equally being envied by their female classmates. Bucky immediately pushed for the first stop, the interactive learning software in the 3D laboratory. Stark technology, and he was knowing all about it.

Steve's dad had spoken about it at a dinner a few months ago, and Bucky was always hanging on his lips when it came to his mechanic/inventor stories. How he was envying and admiring this brilliant man! In tech lab you could connect to the device with electrodes and an interactive 3D projection of your own body allowed you to follow the blood or nerve impulse pathways with a simulated mini-camera. Pretty cool! He might be able to impress the prince.

He connected several blu-tooth pads to his wrists, neck, temples, back of the knees, and chest. They were wearing comfortable sportswear as previously recommended, so it was easy and then his long, elegant fingers were racing across the panel like the wind. The blue light from the monitor made his eyes glow and he knew he was looking good. Probably even _very_ good. He positioned the sensor and the simulated camera into his thigh and looked the prince in the face. "Pinch my right leg, a little above the knee." T'Challa raised his eyebrows almost imperceptibly and hesitated. “When I do it myself, I'm gonna try to outsmart my brain. Clear as sun, right?” So the African pinched his skin slightly. Bucky laughed.

"You can do that a little harder, you know, _Highness_ ," he winked. “The impulse was too weak, that's just the prototype. The really good device for medical research and university hospitals is worth half a billion dollars.“ „How comes you do know so much about it?” Bucky didn't want to bring anything about Szeve into the action right now, so he decided to tell half the truth. "I'm a technology freak. I devour everything I can find about it. Now ... _pinch_ me and _do_ as if you _mean_ it." T'Challas eyes flashed and he pinched Bucky hard in the muscle. The corresponding area in the projection lit up and you could see the blood rushing there and nerve impulses flashing up towards the brain.

"Wow, _that's_ gonna give me a royal bruise," Bucky purred. "Do you want to try yourself?" They switched places and Bucky was leaning over T'Challa's shoulder from behind, so that his hair that fell forward was tickling the prince's cheek. He also had to be hearing Bucky's breath and smelling his cologne. "Steer into my heart. You can see the valvulars working there.” T'Challa undecidedly pressed a few buttons, Bucky moved even closer to him, his chest pressed against the shoulder of the seated one and he was giving in the orders, brushing his fingers just like by chance to the prince's ones. And since the situation was pretty exciting, the camera was now showing a human heart beating rather quickly. Bucky's heart.

"Oh ..." he whispered in T'Challa's ear, "I'm _pretty_ excited." The timer beeped. Their time at the station was over. Bucky was swearing inwardly.

T'Challa was a little relieved. He had been watching Bucky, like all of his other new classmates. He finally was here to study American culture, among other things. The extremely handsome boy was an aggressively flirting heartbreaker who was constantly deploying his charm generously on boys and girls ... on everyone _except_ Steven Stark ... And T'Challa thought he knew why, was almost certain. And since he didn't think of being in danger of making the nice guy - he genuinely liked Bucky - unhappy, he could play along a bit.

But Bucky was really an aggressive flirt and about to perform his hitting on even better in progress. Luckily he'd dine with Nakia at the embassy tonight and then take her on a romantic boat trip down the Hudson River. Bucky Barnes had what it takes to get even the most heterosexual man doubting himself …

The next station contained old-fashioned blood pressure monitors, stethoscopes, a laptop with partly shocking and partly calming pictures in the slideshow and a treadmill. A series of experiments was planned with movement, rest and brain stimulation. Their results were consistently expected until Bucky's resting heart rate was absolutely non-standard. He had impulsively taken the prince's hand and pressed three of his fingers against his carotid artery. He looked deep into his eyes. His pupils were blown. T'Challa gulped saving himself:

"You are probably just scared. After all, I'm a trained Wakandan warrior with my hand on your throat.” Bucky was touching secretly the other's wrist, took his pulse. Unfortunately hardly increased. Then Bucky laughed too. "You are a warrior?" They put their hands down. Two of their classmates from T'Challas 'fan club' were standing in front of the door with the window to the test room and waited for their turn. " _Great ..._ " whispered one of them somber. "Yeah, _right?_ " The other responded quietly from the corner of her mouth.

Bucky Barnes' sexual orientation was much discussed. He was thought to be bisexual stubbornly at school and had no interest at all in clarifying that. No thanks, why after all? But none of his admirers had seriously expected him hitting on the prince? On the way out, T'Challa was telling Bucky about his warrior training and Bucky suggested trying that out during free-time work the class of Sports Science included for physical training, showing him some of it. Wakandan martial arts was very physical. T'Challa didn't think that was a good idea. But he was sure to figure it out...

Wakandan wrestling could easily be getting Bucky's favorite sports, he decided while training with the African. He taught him a few words from his cool native language and a few techniques. He limited himself to defense. Defense wasn't as intimate as the attacks. But Bucky enjoyed the nearness of the attractive black and soon felt fairly light in the head and a bit hard in the crotch ... But again and again the noble features of T'Challa were blurreing in front of his eyes and Steve's face appeared in his head ... _that all_ was harder than Bucky had thought ...

Fortunately, Sports Science was their last class that day. Bucky would not have survived showering in the common washroom. The _thing_ with the prince was going pretty well. Had been a good flirt. He rode home. His parents were actually there and uninterested asking him about his day. He gave monosyllabic answers and when it got too much for him ("James! Change from Drama to Sports. When you're going to the army it is better being properly trained!" "Jimmy, go have a hair cut for heavens sake!“) He went to his room, took a shower in the small bathroom next to it helping himself to _relax_ a bit …

T'Challa was telling Nakia at dinner about Bucky and his guess about his love life, or better, what was missing there. "And Steven? What are you thinking? Does he like him too?” T'Challa considered for a moment. "Yes. But he's not aware yet.“ „Americans …" Nakia laughed. "They are so prudish and reserved." "Bucky hasn't seem like that to me at all. A true master in flirting.“ „Do I have to worry?“ „My heart is safe in your hands, _favorite“ „_ Help him getting Steven on track“ Nakia chuckled. "I was _only_ talking about my _heart_ , darling." T'Challa was grinning. "What kind of a _golden boy_ is that Bucky Barnes?" his girlfriend laughed. "I'm sending you a picture hoping you're still liking _me_ after.” The ambassador's daughter, who was already 20 and studying politics at Columbia's, she was very gifted and about to follow in her father's footsteps, only sniggered and was shaking her head. Nevertheless, as a precaution, T'Challa decided to take a picture of Bucky Barnes that was as unflattering as possible. _bahati nzuri_

[Author's note: _favorite_ = darling, _bahati nzuri_ = good luck! from Swahili]

*

The next day, Bucky was in Event Planning all morning. They were preparing a show for the opening of the upcoming sports spectacle. So he hadn't seen anything of Steve, Sam or T'Challa until lunch. He was rushing, two of his classmates in tow with a few poster roles in their arms, to the usual table where he and the three other boys always were meeting. There he was acting busy and in a hurry.

"Steve. Sam” he nodded curtly. "Your _Highness_.", Bucky's full attention and his most intense gaze were now on T'Challa. “I'm there by car today. Fancy a jaunt after school? I know places that your fine city guides from the embassy won't show you.” T'Challa saw Sam's jaw drop out of the corner of his eye and he felt Steven's body stiffen next to him. He could barely suppress an amused smile. _I'm in the game now_ he thought. He was eyeing the pretty classmate from top to bottom and replied:

“No request _one_ is wanting to say no to, Bucky. Last class ought to be ... Steven? ” He coughed up and choked out: “Science” "Excellent, we've got that together, then I don't have to go looking for you, Bucky." The prince winked. "Deal."grinning back, Bucky turned on his heel and swept away with his fangirls. T'Challa had already finished his lunch and apologized to his company. He wanted to have a little chat with his sister before afternoon classes. As soon as he was gone, Sam burst out:

"When has _that_ happened?" “ _I_ was on an school trip all day yesterday. _You_ tell me.” Steve growled back. He was sounding pretty reproachful. Sam looked at him as if Steve had gone mad. “Hey, am I the highness' _babysitter_? Must have happened in Sports. During lunch break, the two of them were hardly looking at each other like they have been all the time before. I don't know any more.” Sam was defending himself without knowing why that was necessary. Steve nodded thoughtfully and said nothing more about it. But it was spinning in his head ... _Bucky and T'Challa? BUCKY and T'Challa !!!_

*

In Science, Bucky was sitting in the back row and putting together a nice little road trip on his route planner. The climax (as Bucky was hoping) was on Fire Island, Long Island. There was a beach, the sea and a forest. _Perfect._ After class, Bucky and the prince said goodbye to a confused-looking Sam and a Steve who was completely numb at the time. They went to Bucky's Pick-Up, and after getting some snacks at a Deli getting on their road-trip.

Bucky and the Prince were chatting animatedly while the first was offering a personalized tour of the outskirts of New York. Bucky was telling T'Challa what it was like growing up in New York. And when you were alone with him, there was nothing left of the aggressively flirting, cocky high schooler who was seemingly putting on a perfect, unapproachable show all day in school. A show for ... Steven Stark maybe? How often _that_ name was coming up in Bucky's tales ... Countless times. Then they were driving on a boring highway to Fire Island where there wasn't much to see and Bucky asked T'Challa to tell about his home country.

On the beach on Fire Island, they cheerfully were feasting on the snacks they had brought with them, and Bucky moved a little closer to T'Challa on the blanket they had spread out on the sand. "Do you _miss_ Wakanda?" A more personal tonewas warming his deep voice. "A little. It is getting cold here in the evenings and soon there's autumn and then ... I don’t want to think about it, _winter_! I've never had to put on a scarf in my life, can you imagine that?” the African laughed.

“Winter is my favorite time of the year. Freezing cold, crystal clear air, dark blue sky. I can see my breath, sometimes it's snowing in thick flakes and everything's becoming quiet and white. You'll see: wonderful, and then: long evenings in front of the fireplace. Hot chocolate, lots of blankets, cuddling on the couch. You _can_ defend yourself against the cold, you know, your _Highness_?“ Bucky's voice was even more deeper and warmer in the end. T'Challa was thinking hard. _Was_ he wrong? He didn't want to hurt the boy, didn't want to break his heart ... _but no._ He was convinced Bucky's heart was already dear to a very different one. _That_ fool. Bucky noticed that his date had drifted a little and jumped up.

"Come over! There is a tree here that is already 600 years old, you have to see!“ T'Challa helped him to stow their belongings into their backpacks and then let Bucky lead him into the forest behind the beach.

Indeed. A display board marked the giant thuja as the oldest tree in the region within a radius of a 1000 miles. T'Challa was impressed. The trees in Wakanda were subjects to constant regeneration and this tree was gigantic in size. He wouldn't be able to span his arms around him. So he asked Bucky to 'hug it' together. They held hands and tried to wrap themselves around the tree trunk to bring their other hands together, faileing.

They were laughing a little and then Bucky pulled T'Challa's hand until he was very close and with a swift movement he pressed the prince against the trunk. His entire length was pressing against the African and he pushed his lips firmly to his full mouth. _Oh!_ T'Challa wasn't expecting such a spontaneous move. It wasn't _that_ unpleasant, but he didn't want anything more out of that, _definitely_ not! He moved his lips a little, which Bucky saw as an invitation, licking demandingly over T'Challa's lower lip.

_Oh no!_ The prince's grip on Bucky's upper arms tightened and he gently but surely pushed him a little away, but just so far that he could look him in the face. Bucky's eyes widened, he looked at the other with large eyes and ... suddenly understanding. " _Oh._ Not your cup of tea, is it? Too bad,” he whispered shakily. "I'm sorry." "You don't know what you're missing." Bucky huffed sadly. T'Challa frowned a little.

"I'm not who you really want, am I though?" Bucky's blue-gray eyes grew a little brighter, more to gray, like the sea on stormy days. "At _this_ moment you _are,_ actually ..." T'Challa chuckled, only now did he realize that the young man was spotting a considerable erection against his hip. _Oh!_ "Uh ..." "Yeah, okay!" Bucky laughed and took a step back, adjusting his jeans a bit. T'challa spoke up: "I'm sorry, and I am with someone at that. A woman.“ „At home in Wakanda?“ „No, she's living here and studying at Columbia.“ „So that's serious?"

"Yes, very much. Otherwise I might even have given in to my curiosity. You're kissing very well, as it's been told “, T'Challa winked. "Tsas, Your _Highness_! All hearsay, _this_ knowledge about me is very exclusive at Sancturay. But at least I'm definitely the only boy in New York who ever kissed a real African prince. Thanks for that."

T'Challa grinned: "And what are you going to do about Steven?" Bucky's look grew cold and impersonal: "What are you talking about? About Steve? “, he asked fleetingly. T'Challa blinked in surprise at the completely different tone. He wanted to explain and suddenly found himself again pressed against the tree trunk, but very differently so now. Bucky Barnes was only about anger and despair. "If I'm finding out about any gossip or getting weird questions about Steve and me coming from you, then, then ... I don't care what kind of vicious warrior you are." "Bucky ..." "Never again will you talk about _that_ , are you listening? _Never_ again!” Bucky's chest rose and fell in quick breaths.

"And if you even say _one_ word to Steve, then ... then ..." Bucky's voice was dying out. The African grabbed his arms. His whole body was shaking. He had obviously opened a can of worms with his question. Then Bucky looked away in shame. T'Challa urgended: "I _have_ not and _will_ not speak to anyone about that. Please _believe_ me. But if there's gossip, it won't automatically have anything to do with _me_ , okay? I can't be the only one with eyes in my head, Bucky.“ Bucky was breathing heavily, he was very red on the face and his eyes were huge. And suddenly he just wanted to tell, tell it _once_ in his life to a human soul ...

"T'Challa ... I have _loved_ Steve with every fiber in my body for _years_! He doesn't want me and I _have_ to accept it. Please, just forget about it. Never say _anything_ about that again. “, Bucky was sobbing dryly and T'Challa could not help but pulling him to his body and letting him cry. This boy desperately needed a good friend he was _not_ in love with ...

"Come on, I'm taking you to dinner. Your date with a real prince's needing a good ending.“ Bucky frowned. "I'm not dressed for that." T'Challa grinned. "You do not you have to. We're dining at the embassy, the food is excellent and we can be wearing whatever we want." Bucky didn't think it through for long and just as he was about to accept, T'Challa added: "I'm introducing you to Nakia, my girlfriend. She is the ambassador's daughter.” Bucky's smile faded. "I don't know ..." he frowned. "Are you going to tell her ...?", He stopped embarrassed. "Bucky! Of course not! I understand that you don't want that. Trust me.” Bucky no longer hesitated and shouldered his backpack. "Well then let's go! I'm starving! "

On the way to the car, the prince checked his phone. Three messages from Steve and one from Sam. T'Challa put the phone back without any intention to have a closer look. He was grinning to himself.


	28. "What about Digging up a Treasure?"

„ **What About Digging up a Treasure?“**

(Earlier the same day)

"Steve ... I don't wanna text him. Why should he text back to me if he doesn't to you?” Sam groaned annoyed. They were brooding over electoral statistics together. "Sam, it's not a big deal, we're all friends and you can text your friend and ask him what he's about! It's a totally normal thing." "Maybe I don't _want_ to know? He's out with _Bucky_ , what do _you_ think he's doing? "

Sam was pissed off. The school year had been going so well so far. Steve, whom he really liked and considered his best friend, was finally spending a lot of time with him since Bucky, who had been pushing him, Sam, into third-wheeler-car position for a while somedays in spring, now was going on more seperate ways again. Then fate had also sent him an African prince, on whom half the school had a crush and part of the attention for him got Steve and himself a bit into the spotlight.

The most desirable girls were always hanging around them, Sam enjoying it very much. Bucky also had always been having this effect, but Bucky was single unlike to the prince single and always flirting with everyone. With T'Challa, who was considered to be as well as engaged, frustration occasionally led to one or the other admirer taking a closer look at Sam, and he got many a date that the African politely refused.

And now Bucky Barnes of all people was obviously about to keep an eye on the prince. A disaster! When the both of them would be hanging out together, the hopeful girls would be bombed straight out of Sam's circles. He had long been thinking that Bucky secretly was in love with Steve and was very surprised when both of them were so alienated again after summer, although now in same grade. All the fuzz Steve was making about this probably harmless date was puzzling Sam. Steve wasn't as affected as him about the attention of all them girls but he surely was enjoying it, too

Well, Bucky Barnes probably never really was having _harmless_ dates ... But still. What was wrong with Steve?

"Sam ... I've sent three texts. How would that look if I'm again …" Sam interrupted him. "Creepy's the word you're out of, dipshit! What do you care after all? Are _you_ having a clue on this chart? The numbers are bizarre.“, He wanted to change the subject and held out a sheet to Steve. "Sam, I know that may sound a bit odd ... but I'm worried. Why doesn't T'Challa answer back?” Sam rolled his eyes.

"We are not his babysitters. He is even two years older than us. Bucky is your friend! What are you _thinking_ he probably _could_ be doing to T'Challa? Kidnap him? Murder him? Blackmail? I can't think of anything the prince doesn't want from _Mr. Sanctuary High_ a hundred percent himself at this moment after having gotten this 'special tour of New York!', Bucky's always bragging about. You surely can imagine how convincing that guy can be. Honestly, what's your problem?” Steve blinked. "Why do you think I know how convincing Bucky is?" "You've known him forever, you must have seen him chasing boys."

The images that were produced by Sam's flippant comments in his mind's eye were ... disturbing ( _and_ bit hot ...) _shit_. Sam was surprised by Steve's sudden silence. He looked up and Steve's lips were slightly open, the delicate blush of his cheeks wear speaking a clear language. Oh bummer. Steve was in love with T'Challa _himself_! Shit on toast! He sighed and murmured, "Well, I'm texting him. But only once. I'm not a creep like you."

*

The dinner at the embassy was fantastic. Funny, noisy and very delicious. T'Challa's almost-fiance Nakia was a wonderful person. Lively, intelligent, open and Bucky was enchanted by her personality. Given that he had been horrified before, she could ever find out that he had tried to hit on her boyfriend, he in fact told the story himself, laughing, after only 30 minutes. T'Challa looked a bit embarrassed and his little sister Shuri laughed out loud.

"Brother! Half the school is talking about him! And what I have to read on the walls of the girls toilet stalls! In my class, most of them are having a crush on him. If they only knew!“ „Hey, little one!” Bucky called with a chuckle and put his index finger on his lips. "Don't tell anyone that I've got the brush-off. That's threatening my myth.” Bucky was very much surprised at how chatty the shy little thing who hardly said a word at school and was sticking to either her brother or her friend Nebula like a shadow actually was.

„Well, what can you offer me as a silence bonus?" She grinned cheekily. "You are interested in electronics, aren't you. I have pretty cool stuff at home, Stark technology. A few prototypes Mr. Stark's sons all have nothing to do with, because they cannot distinguish a wrench from a wooden spoon, which, incidentally, none of them can do with anything either… I think they were all mixed up in the clinic.” He winked.

"Tell me!" Shuri's eyes had lit up. Stark technology! They were merrily chattering late into the night. Finally it was a Friday and Bucky promised a blissful princess to bring her a box of 'tech stuff' on Monday.

*

" _Bucky! Have you had a nice day? Where have you been? Personal city tour, yes? Your specialty. Have you shown him the tree under which we'd buried our 'treasure' years ago? Do you think our Lego Star Wars figurines are still there? We should go there again with our shovels. What are you doing this weekend? Do you wanna hang out? Wanna go to Fire Island?_ "

" _?_ "

Bucky's fingers were lingering over his phone. Steve was babbling by text message reminding him of himself when Steve had been in Montana. He had been considering for a long time and then wrote:

" _We had a 'royal' day. Fire Island? Tomorrow or the day after?_ "

" _Tomorrow. I'm packing a picnic and the shovels. 2pm._ "

Steve got another message from T'Challa.

" _I'm sorry I didn't text you back the whole time. The time spent with Bucky just was mesmerizing, I haven't had a look at my cell phone once. Have you and Sam gotten ahead with the election statistics? I'll have to do it all day tomorrow. Can I match that up with you when I'm done?_ "

So the time spent had been _mesmerizing_? With _Bucky._ He would just ask him tomorrow. He couldn't stand this uncertainty!

*

When Bucky picked Steve up on time at 2 pm, Steve had been left by his courage. They also had a lot to tell each other. About their various classes, about the bike that Bucky had in mind for next year when he'd turn 18, about Steve's brothers, especially Peter, whom Bucky wasn't seeing often because he didn't stay at the Starks' home like he used to . He was also very disappointed that Mr and Mrs Stark were out with Peter when he arrived …

The trip flew by and on Fire Island they went to the beach first. It was not well attended today. The weather wasn't nice, cloudy, a bit windy and rain was also announced. Summer was saying goodbye and it was a bit chilly today. They had some blankets with them that were always laying around in Bucky's Pick-Up. Steve could imagine why Bucky always had some blankets in his car …

Before they would be digging up their old 'treasure' they wanted to grab a bite. Steve's breakfast had been a long time ago and Bucky hadn't eaten anything in the morning. There was cocoa in a thermos, sandwiches, fruit, and protein bars. Steve put a lot of thought on his diet, which suited his fitness program. He was still working out as often as he could.

"Tell me about your grand opening." Steve meant the opening ceremony of the International School Sports Days in November. He himself did not take part since he was not on any of the school teams and only practicing individual sports, but Sam, who was a student of the advanced Sports class, would compete with his basketball team. Bucky was on the soccer team. That was the only sports he did and he was a pretty good defender. T'Challa would compete for the wrestling team and in the swimmer's team.

"With BARF. We're about to project choreographed sports scenes that we're filming beforehand. They're going to be seen all over the hall. Look out, I'm running the ball and doing some tricks with it. I'm chosen to watch over the software because I know the technology best. Thank you for always being allowed to play with it.“, They were grinning at each other. "We're doing a photo presentation of our teams and a redesign of the entry flags. We're also organizing the process, the decoration and the musical design of the presentation ceremony."

"Do you enjoy the class?" „Why not? I'm great at karaoke and a gifted dancer! What else should I have taken? Russian is not offered advynced. My attempt in English last year went wrong, I just can't write filing pages essays about nothing, sorry, this is not an insult, just envy.” Steve waved it off grinning. “My father is still hoping for me to switch to Sports Science, but no thanks. When I'm seeing poor Sam running his laps every day after school, the sheer horror's overwhelming me.”

"How's it going at home at the moment?" Bucky sighed and didn't answer right away. Then he took a deep breath. “It's like a record that got stuck. 'James, once you're in the army, blah blah .. Jimmy, go get a hair cut blah blah ...'. I cant hear it anymore. Why _do_ some people actually are having a child?” Steve swallowed. He felt so sorry for Bucky. As annoyed as he was often by his parents, as often as he had arguments with his father, who was ticking so differently from himself, he knew deep down what a great family he had and what amount of support and love his parents were giving him …

But he also knew that Bucky didn't like talking about his parents, so he changed the subject. "Are you coming ahead with your Maths class? I saw your textbook. That's just some Chinese to me, although that would probably be easier. After all, over a billion people are proficient in that. Your homework doesn't look like many people being able to manage.“ „Maths is really hard. I might not make it. “, Bucky shrugged indifferently. “Peggy's organized an Olympiad last week to spur on the whole class. God, I really don't feel like it.” Peggy Carter was top of the Maths class. Bucky was _thrilled_.

Steve was chewing his lower lip. The thing about Peggy still was making him feeling guilty, though it looked like she was over it very well. He knew she was dating Daniel Sousa and he obviously was her perfect match. Daniel was a serious boy, ambitious, intelligent, somewhat introvert. He had his leg amputated below his knee, a bad skiing accident in his childhood. He thought Daniel was nice, but didn't have much to do with him. Nevertheless. Peggy was in his Social Sciences class and sometimes he 'caught' her, looking at him, thoughtfully and somehow astonished …

He had never had a final, clarifying conversation with her. What ought he have to be saying? 'Bucky is back and he has become the center of my world more than ever and I don't know what that's meaning'? Definitely not. He stole a glance at his friend. Bucky was getting prettier, day-to-day, it was incredible ... His jawline hat gotten such a masculine shape, strong and sharply accented. The full lips that arched up so sweetly in the corners of his mouth, the steel-blue eyes lined with jet-black long eyelashes ... He could go on and on …

"... and each time she scoring more points than me. She's looking so pleased about it as if she had just been elected President of the United States. I don't understand the girl ...” Bucky's amused voice pulled Steve out of his thoughts. "Peggy must be the only girl in school who's hating you" he laughed. "You're forgetting about Charlie ..." Bucky was grinning back. Charlie was the only girl Bucky had officially dated for a few weeks. In Sophomore year just before his father was sent to Hawaii.

She was in Senior year now and she still was _cool_ , spiky hair in wild colors, old clothes collection dressing style, brillant but rebellious. Her parents were called to the principal's office more often than Tony Stark! Her and Bucky's romance had ended apruptly when she caught her boyfriend kissing her older brother, who was already attending college, in the garden shed at home. Her pride was forbidding telling the story around, but she had hated Bucky with every fiber of her existence ever since. Steve didn't know about Charlie's brother. "Charlie broke up with you!" "Yes, but she had her reasons, believe me." "She seems to be coping." Charlie was seeing some different boy every month.

"Quote something in Latin!", Bucky changed the topic suddenly. Steve attended Latin in order to be able to study original historical sources from Europe. The strictly structured language was easy for him and he recited: "Eamus thesaurum reperiendum admonentur." Bucky was shaking with laughter. “You're just sounding like Harry Potter! Expecto erectio semper!” Steve gulped drily. Of course he was able to translate that. "Always expect an erection." Some Latin terms were also common for unfamiliar people. He pretended that hadn't been making any sense and said, "Guess what I've said!" “Do you have to go to the toilet? Will the weather be fine tomorrow? Will there be war on the Bosporus? I don't know!“ Bucky laughed.

"Let's find a treasure!" "Yeah!" After packing their belongings into their backpacks they set out for the ancient tree of life. They were digging at the suspected spot with little garden shovels, they couldn't remember exactly. But indeed, after 40 minutes they found the Tupper jar that they had buried three years ago. " _My_ Yoda!" Steve exclaimed enthusiastically. "Hey! That was _my_ Yoda. You just sacrificed that dull Stormtrooper!“ Bucky protested. That was true, but Steve was in such high spirits. The time with Bucky was so perfect, so golden. As if it had never been any different. As if they hadn't weirdly estranged for the second time ... He had been missing Bucky so much.

"Come on, have my Yoda, okay?" "How generous, you are giving me _my_ Yoda." "Friends just are supposed to do that sort of things," Steve chuckled. Bucky's smile was unreadable. "Thank you. I'm keeping him in honor.” So he put the Lego figurine in his pocket and let himself lie down. He closed his eyes giving Steve the opportunity to gaze at him again closely. Those eyelashes! That mouth. Those cheekbones! The jaw line! And now Steve finally dared:

"Bucky?"

"Hm?"

"So, you and T'Challa?" Bucky forced himself keeping his eyes shut, not reacting to the clearly audible jealousy with a satisfied grin. But his heart jumped excitedly, pounding wildly in his chest. He played the cool one. "How did you come to this?" "He texted me. He … liked the day with you very much. ” "Oh, really?" Steve almost was driven insane by Bucky's nonchalance.

A violent thunderclap interrupted the spicy exchange. And the next moment rain was pouring like buckets. They quickly pulled a couple of blankets out of their backpacks and, after Bucky urged Steve to disappear under the tallest tree in the area, they were ducking under a small willow tree a little wet from the short distance, under a blanket tent. "Oh my ..." "Who are you telling?" „Have you saved the stromtrooper? ” "Shit." Then it went quiet under the wilow tree. "I've wanted to make it a _precious_ gift for you," said Bucky sarcastically but with not that much asperity. After all, the stormtrooper had been Steve's anyway.

“I'll get it when the rain's wearing off a bit. I won't leave it behind.” Steve answered seriously. It was dark there under the covers and Bucky couldn't make out the expression on Steve's face. And it was extremely warm despite their slightly damp clothes. Their bodies radiated such heat and they both were breathing audibly. "We're suffocating inn here." "But at least together." The tension between them was so thick you could have cut it with a knife, even a blunt one. Bucky whispered, "I missed you." At the same time Steve blurted out: "Are you in love with T'Challa?" _Oh._

"Would that bother you?" Steve's thoughts rolled over. Of course that would bother him, immensely! But was he allowed to tell him? And anyway: he still was so average and Bucky was so incredible, so attractive, so popular and if he even would be able to pull a real prince, who was he again? A languishing guy in the shadow of his childhood friend who has grown into a breathtaking man? _Unbearable..._

"W-well ..." he was stuttering, "... you both _are_ my friends and of course I would be happy for you." He was suddenly sweating profusely. "But I've thought ..." he hesitated. Steve felt a delicate touch on his ear and his heart skipped violently. Was that Bucky's _mouth_? " _What_ did you think, Stevie?", his friend whispered hoarsely. The children's nickname hit Steve in the middle of his defiance center.

“I've thought T'Challa was practically engaged. Well, maybe that's just a bluff for his people.” Bucky felt like getting an icy shower. Steve was going on: "Of course you're having my full support and nobody is going to learn anything from me if it has to be kept secret." Bucky grew colder and a bit nauseous and so infinitely miserable. And at that moment he gave up again, one day he had to do that in a competition, one in which he'd be really good for a change. This was breaking his heart, but he wasn't able go on like this. The last few hours had been perfect and golden and though it had gotten him nowhere again. He had moved a long way but now... This _had_ to be the end of it. He could no longer stand bearing that torture...

“No, Steve. I am _not_ in love with T'Challa. I've met his fiancé yesterday. She is fantastic and the prince and her are a dream couple.” Steve froze. Bucky's tone was ... so hurt and so annoyed and so embittered. He _must_ have been in love with the African. Why else should the encounter with his fiancé shake him so much? But he also - again - didn't know what to say and instead changed the subject:

“The rain's wearing off. Let’s go get the stormtrooper. ”

“Oh, _just_ leave it. You can have _your_ Yoda back.” Bucky took it out of his pocket and held it out to Steve, who took it automatically and put it in his pocket. The whole atmosphere had become so _uncomfortable_ in an instant. Steve's thoughts were whirling around and he couldn't find an explanation.

Steve really was at a loss. The return trip went extremely monosyllabic and without the stormtrooper …

When Bucky was finally home after dropping Steve, ('James! Have you been thinking about Sports class?' - 'Jimmy, your hair is so terribly long!') He immediately started his laptop and registered with 'Grindr'. He then was browsing around for a few hours to distract himself and when he checked his dating app account again for fun before bedtime, there were 32 requests in his inbox. _Seems I've uploaded a nice picture_ , he thought, and decided not to look into it until the next morning. He didn't fall asleep well. He was thinking of Steve and cursing him while longing for him. _Oh damn! Fuck you, Steven Stark!_

Steve was in bed, briefly answering Sam's questions about a history project, and then turning off the lights. He was staring into the dark. What had happened? For the first time in many weeks it had been all the same with Bucky as formerly, and then something had gone so damn wrong and Steve couldn't understand it ...

And _was_ there happening something between Bucky and T'Challa or not? Bucky had given him a straight answer, but he was seeming so unhappy with it. And Steve felt guilty about how much he was cursing the handsome prince and how little he granted the two of them their happiness and how much he wished he could be locking _his_ Bucky in his room so that he belonged to him alone ... gosh, I'm such a _creep ..._

Oh, Bucky ...

Bucky was _his_ pal, _his_ buddy, _his_ Bucky after all.


	29. The Ambassador's Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been told it was wise to put some trigger-warnings like underage to several chapters. (Well, Bucky is 17 and after all 17 is New York's age of consent, but I was told, nonetheless.) 
> 
> As well as age-gap.
> 
> Just in case some of you are having a problem with that. It's all save and consent though.
> 
> _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**The Ambassador's Invitation**

Tony, who wasn't having the slightest glimpse of the drama that was going on in his eldest's love life, received a highly official-looking invitation to the Wakandan embassy a few weeks later. Addressed to Mr Anthony Stark and family. They were invited to an informal dinner next Friday to introduce themselves to the ambassador, who was also the guardian of the two royal teenagers during their time in the States. _What?_ At dinner he asked Steve, Thor, and Loki if anything could have offended one of his sons' blue-blooded classmates. Steve was dismissing that outraged.

“T'Challa is _friends_ with me and Sam! The three of us are in a Social Science study group. We're get along very well. He is very nice and certainly not having any reason to complain. Rather ask Thor if he's annoying the princess!” “Shuri? I'm not having much to do with her. Nebula is friends with hers. She's also never saying a word. I've exchanged maybe ten words with her.” Loki now was interfering: "Sometimes one only has hear you from a distance to take offense, Thor." "What's that supposed to mean?" Thor looked confused.

"Guys ..." Tony appeased. Pepper had appologized for missing dinner. She was taking out a group of Texas businessmen for dinner in the city. Tony had deliberately chosen the time to raise the issue. “Better tell me before I tell your mother that we're going there. You know how that will work. She's gonna make a huge stir, putting all of you - and me - into elegant suits and expecting us to impress royalty. ”

"Suits?" Thor's eyes were widening. “What do you think what you're wearing to the embassy? Bathrobe and crocks?” Loki was teasing. “I've seen pictures of what they're wearing at home. The prince's always wearing dresses” "Those are not _dresses_ , Thor, this is the traditional robe." Steve was horrified. Thor would surely make an impression at the embassy ... “Steve! Go ask Bucky if he got an invitation too. He's hanging out with them all the time! I'm asking Nebula.” Steve was looking sourly. That was true. 'All the time' was certainly exaggerated, but Bucky was going to dinner at the embassy almost every other weekend.

Steve still wasn't been having the slightest clue about the kind of relationship Bucky and the Prince had. They were looking to be just friends, but there was something strangely familiar, even intimate between them, and even Shuri, whom hardly anyone in school had ever heard talking, occasionally was chatting with Bucky about technical stuff in the hallways or at lunch. Steve hadn't met Nakia yet, but Bucky mentioned her from time to time. He was a little offended about that fact, but his pride forbade ever to mention the subject to him or even T'Challa.

Steve texted Bucky and Sam in a group chat:

“ _My family is invited to the Wakanda embassy. Yours too?_ ”

Sam immediately replied:

" _Yes! That's incredible, isn't it? My parents are losing their shit about it but they're very proud the same._ ”

Bucky, who always replied quickly to group chat messages, wrote:

" _Cool! You''re gonna like it there. But no, we haven't gotten an invitation._ ”

Bucky knew that the ambassador, Nakia's father N'guri Bashenga, had received order from his king to get an idea of how his children were doing, new school, classmates and _country_ – not to be forgotten. And what kind of people they were seeing. He had confidentially asked Nakia to _not_ invite his parents. Major Barnes and his wife Winnifred were not very nice towards _non_ -Americans, harmlessly put. Nakia handled the thing and Bucky was relieved. He would have died of shame ... Ambassador Bashenga also knew the young man very well by now and had no objection to him.

“ _Nebula' saying they are invited too!_ ” Oh no, so also Titan would be there. That was promising an interesting evening.

" _Sam's family too!“_ Tony relaxed a bit. That was making this easier with the group to be a little larger than he first had thought. Thor, unlike Steve, wasn't having the slightest touch of society, and Loki was sometimes a bit unsettling with his straightforward, a little overbearing manner. At least Peter would be charming everyone as always and Pepper was a master in moving in high society. He himself also could manage that quite well if he wanted to. And for Steve's sake, he would definitely want to!

*

Pepper had squeaked excitedly when she learned of the invitation. That was a sound Tony was very rarely hearing from his wife and she immediately jumped into the preparations. That meant she first plunged into her sons' closets. Steve had a well-cut noble dark blue suit and a tux for school dances which would be over the top. Loki owned three in black and two in dark gray and Thor not even one ... So she immediately ordered a couple of suits from different designers in his size and also a pair of black dress shoes for her husband.

He won't go to the embassy in sneakers. Over her dead body! For Peter, she chose a cute outfit from his wardrobe, consisting of a sporty shirt and trousers, a stylish neckerchief would round off the elegant toddler look. “Tony, he's not going to go there in his Spider-Man suit. Are we being clear about that here?” Tony said nothing, secretly wishing his wife good luck with her mission. It was Peter who never wanted to wear anything else. Tony had often wanted to put other things on him, but the kid was very stubborn.

He liked the suit Pepper put down for her husband and it was one of his favorites when he had to wear one. Not too elegant. Appropriate for the occasion described in the invitation as 'casual - no evening wear'. He didn't put on the terrible shoes. But his sneakers were very muted in the choice of colors. A compromise.

For the boys, Pepper had chosen very tastefully so they would look elegant and casual at the same time, according to their youth and without ties. Steve's suit pants were exchanged for a more casual sand-coloured model and Loki's dark gray suit was combined with an interesting and modern shirt in emerald and silvery patterns. Thor was wrinkling his nose while looking at himself in the mirror in sky blue, light wool from Boss. However, his mother had given him his favorite punk rock shirt so that he wouldn't feel and behave too costumed.

When she wanted to wrap Peter in his chic look, she was met with violent resistance. And when she gave up annoyed by the infernal roaring, the sobs and the "Peeda Bider-Man" calls, it was high time for her to change herself ... So she got out the newest and least battered looking suit and pushed the little Spider-Man into Tony's arms before disappearing to the bathroom.

"Incredible! And I always thought you really could let him wear something else!” Tony was grinning. She left calling over her shoulder: "Really! Why haven't you told me?” "You wouldn't have believed me anyway!" He laughed at her. That was true ... Pepper came to the car in which her family was already waiting in a simple knee-length white dress, her iconic ponytail and subtle make-up and jewelry.

"You're stunning, honey!" “You too, darling ... TONY! What kind of shoes are you wearing? ” “I'm sorry, sweetheart. Too late for changing,” then he stepped on the gas. Everyone laughed, even Pepper.

T'Challa, Shuri, Mr Bashenga and his daughter were all dressed traditionally. Steve rammed his elbow into his brother's side hissing, "Those are not _dresses_!" But Thor was staring at his classmate. The girl had her long hair artfully braided and adorned with pearls and was wearing a striking make-up. Her wrapped robe was looking complicated to put on. Nakia, T'Challa's fiancé, had very short hair colored in a rusty red. Her make-up was also striking. Her robe didn't cover much of her slim but athletic body. Steve felt his sweat breaking out.

"Stop s _taring_ , Thor!" He hissed now. “You sound like a cobra tonight, Steve. Are you having a cold? ”Everyone in the room heard this remark from Thor, which, of course, had been pretty loud, as always. Steve was blushing, Loki rolled his eyes and Mr. Bashenga kindly asked the Starks into the winter garden, where the other guests had already gathered. The family was never really on time ...

Relieved, they followed the royal children and their ambassador into the enchanting winter garden. The Wilson family were there, dressed nicely and Titan in a black suit with his girls, both in prissy black dresses. The girls were looking like deer in the headlights and Sam rushing to Steve in relief. The Africans each joined a different group starting informal conversations. The mood was rising quickly. They were all lovely.

Shuri was talking enthusiastically with Tony, whom she assured she had been keenly following all of his inventions for years, and Pepper was once again thrilled at how well her husband could handle children and teenagers. Nebula followed quickly and they soon were chatting like old acquaintances. T'Challa was smiling and talking charmingly to Titan and Gamora and the latter was noticeably relaxing. Nakia asked Sam's parents to have a Wakandan herbal tea with her and they settled relieved in a comfortable seating area.

Peter, on his mother's arms, was a little intimidated by the many strangers. Mr Bashenga, who had been a widower for many years and cherished beautiful women, was talking to Pepper. Then Peter called out of nowhere: “Mommy! Dony-Midah-Daak-Daddy! Man dress!” Steve froze. He'd understood every word in the language of his youngest brother, of course. Thor too and he laughed out loud. Loki was shaking his head and rolling his eyes again as he had just studied the maps on the walls. Nakia called:

"What has he said, Mrs. Stark? He's speaking much for his age, isn't he? Unfortunately I don't understand him very well, I'm sorry.” Pepper blushed a little and Thor scurried over. He likely wanted to translate for the beautiful African lady. "That means: Mommy, Tony, Mr Stark, Daddy, the man's wearing a dress." At first silence was following to that, but then the ambassador laughed out in a booming voice.

"Delicious! I'm enjoying the little one. His Highness, Prince T'Challa, when he was a little boy had been addressing his father with 'Babá', sometimes with 'Your Highness' and sometimes with ' _favorite_ '. That means 'darling' in our language and that was what his mother had always been calling her king.” Now everyone was laughing eased. Shuri and Nakia approached curiously and Shuri shouted: “Oh, how cute! The little one is wearing a superhero suit!” She smiled at the toddler: "Well, Peter, are you Spider-Boy?" Tony hissed in some air, Pepper stiffened a little.

“Peeda-Bider-Man, no Bider-Boi. Dere dot-dot-dot! ”, he pointed to Shuri's face. Shuri and Nakia looked at Peter's mother helplessly but Thor promptly delivered: "He's saying it's called Spider-Man, not Spider-Boy and that you have lots of spots on your face." Shuri's makeup was modeled on the old traditional tattoos of her tribe. She laughed brightly. “Nakia! Isn't he cute? And look at all the curls! They're looking so soft!” Pepper put Peter down on one of the wicker chairs and Shuri, Nakia, Nebula and Thor were talking to him, all of them at once. Tony was searching his wife's eyes across the crowd and giving her a thumbs-up. Pepper shook her head smiling and she formed a silent: "Incredible" in his direction. He raised his hands grinning.

Steve and Sam were chattng with Mr and Mrs Wilson. Nakia took T'Challa aside speaking to him quietly in their native language. "So this is Steven." , nodding in his direction. "Bucky can do better." "Nakia ... you don't know Steve at all." "Maybe I was expecting an absolute superman," she laughed. “The heart's wanting what the heart wants, _favorite_. Remember the awkward 15 year old falling in love with you.“ "Introduce me to him." "But no word about Bucky, do you understand?" "Of course. Bucky is our friend. ”

Nakia was pleasantly surprised when talking to Steve. He had seemed like the typical American high schooler, enthusiastic about fitness, superficial, boring, childish. It was quite the diference with Steven Stark, under the surface. He obviously thought her lections at the Columbia, where she was studying Politics and Diplomacy, more interesting than her fiery black eyes or her bare skin. Steve was speaking like a professor knowing a hell of a lot. And he could be very convincing, she noticed that immediately with the fervent enthusiasm with which he represented a subject that was important to him.

His friend Sam looking a little colorless next to him, was completely under his spell. And from T'Challa she knew that Steven Stark sometimes was giving lections himself in his Social Sciences class. And he had been Bucky's best friend for years. Poor Bucky, she thought. Once Steve realized his potential, if he could overcome his shyness and insecurity, he would be as idolized for his determination as Bucky was for his stunning looks.

"T'Challa, why haven't you invited Bucky?" Steve called just then. "Oh, I have invited him and his family," the prince lied, "but his parents haven't had the time and he didn't want to come alone, he thought it was inappropriate." Steve frowned. Bucky had said they weren't invited ... "Too bad ..." he said quietly. Nakia had been watching him closely, noticing the boy's inner conflict on his face and also feeling his disappointment. But she and T'Challa had been in agreement for some time now that this romance, or what you'd like to call it, was none of their business and to not interfere ...

Then they asked to sit down for dinner. The evening wwent on very enjoyable. Peter was entertaining - translated by Thor - the party and Shuri was very fond of him. As a farewell, she arranged to meet Thor and Nebula for an afternoon with the Starks the following week. She really wanted to meet the cute little one again and if the nice Mr Stark showed her his workshop, everything would be perfect!

All friends of the royal siblings reached the ambassador's blessing. The same evening he wrote to his king and reported. King T'Chaka was happy that his children had been met with such a kind reception.

*

"Peter is so alike you, darling!" Pepper beamed at Tony when they went to bed. The little one had already fallen asleep in the car and hadn't woken up when Tony carried him into the nursery. "When you put on your charms, everyone in the room's becoming invisible." “Mr silky skirt hasn't seemed so invisible to me. The guy is a fucking mountain!”, Nakia's father was a tall, muscular, very handsome man, „...and totaly shameless. Flirting with you in front of your baby's eyes ... And your husband.” "Oh ..." Pepper said dismissively, but turning a little pink. "He's just wanted to be nice."

"Gee, those African giants ... I've been feeling like a dwarf." Pepper kissed him on the nose laughing: "Darling, you _are_ a dwarf, but a very _sweet_ one ..." Tony artfully rolled his eyes mumbling under his breath while his wife was climbing onto his lap from where she slipped his shirt over his shoulders: "What would I do without my loving wife telling me what it's like? Stumbling through life ignorantly ...“ „Don't talk that much.”, And then she made sure he couldn't talk at all anymore.

*

“ _Buck, why haven't you come? The evening at the embassy was fantastic!_ ”

Bucky had been sitting on his bed all evening, miserably moping. Bored to his bones, he was going through the still numerous requests from the dating app. He had had a few very promising dates with some matches lately. Nothing more had come of it than wild kissing, fumbling and a slightly drunk blow job, during which he had been overwhelmed by his gag reflex and had thrown up on his date's feet. There was something to complain about every boy he met. And if he was honest with himself, it was always the one same thing. They weren't Steve …

" _Oh, Stevie ... picture book family meetings are nothing for the Barnes._ " Steve chewed on his lower lip, pondering whether to call Bucky but then preferring to write:

" _You could have come alone!_ "

" _As an example of American broken family_?" Winnifred Barnes had suddenly been up and away last weekend, blown out of town with the pool boy. Major Barnes had been in a constant state of blazing anger and hurt pride ever since. He was drinking too much and picking on his son more than ever. Bucky was not too sad. His mom and him hadn't been having a particularly close relationship. But his mother had been the parent Bucky'd always believed to be loved by even when she 'd never been showing. He must have been wrong.

His phone was buzzing. Call from Steve. _Shit_. Steve hadn't known anything about this! Bucky hadn't told _anyone_. He accepted the call sighing. He knew Steve would try to call him all night. He was so stubborn, his Stevie, and even if he'd turn off his phone, he just didn't want Steve to not get a wink of sleep all night because of him.

"Hey ..." "Bucky! Something's happened?" "Mom's left dad." "WHAT? _When?_ Why haven't you said anything?" “Three questions at once, Stevie, one at a time, please.” " _Bucky_ ..." he was sounding reproachful and hurt. Well, it _had_ been a shit move not to tell him anything… ”Last Sunday, she wasn't there in the morning. Left me a goodbye letter, I should explain to dad. This cowardly cow. ” "Oh, Bucky ..." He didn't answer while trying to swallow the big lump in his throat. He was longing for Steve so hard …

“I'd come right away! But ... I've had some champagne at the embassy. No place for American laws, Mr. Bashenga's said and ... ”, he fell silent. "T's okay. Don't have to come.” “You come over. I don't want you to be alone now.” Bucky closed his eyes tightly to push back the tears that suddenly were tingling. Steve was so ... sounding so determined. If he wasn't able to pacify now, he would take an Uber and Bucky just couldn't handle seeing him right now. As vulnerable as he was. So unable to let go of Steve. He didn't know what was going to happen, what he was going to do when getting carried away ...

"I can not. The bitch's taken my Pick-Up with her.” Steve was speechless for a long moment. Bucky had been to school by bus all week and he hadn't even thought of asking why. "Well, what a mess," he said lamely. Bucky laughed dryly. "Always so aptly with words, Stevie ..." "Bucky, I don't know what to say. That's all so ...“ „Tell me about the party! That's gonna distract me. _Champagne_ , really?”, He managed the well-tempered tone quite well. For Steve, who was a little insensitive, it was enough and he gave himself a start and was telling Bucky everything.

An hour later they each wished a good night and Bucky had got a fresh request on Grindr. _Wow_. Was looking fantastic, the man. He wiped to the left. Match. Jared, Jay for friends, 24, civil engineer and city planner. Loved romantic evenings in front of the fireplace, walks in the snow, Dostoevsky and cats. _24_ ... Bucky had never met someone that much older than himself... The message pinned was:

“ _Are real angels allowed to have dating profiles? Your picture's blown me away! I've been hesitating first. High school, yes? Sounding like kisses tasting of chewing gum and hasty hand jobs in the locker room. But when I'm looking at your picture, I realize that I kind of want that! And speaking of angels, you unearthly beautiful thing, Lucifer also started as one and that guy definitely was a bit of a player! Let me find out if you're having the same devilish energy. I can't wait to put the world (and me) at your feet, sweet angel whom I'm hoping to make falling soon. Jay._ ”

Bucky had never read anything like that on Grindr before. Countless times he was sent: " _You have such beautiful eyes!" "Your lips have to feel incredible!" "Show something more, what I see is promising_ " or " _I'm so damned hard just from looking at you._ " Predictable and boring ... Bucky hadn't written to a single boy on his own, only ever responding.

He was observing Jay's profile picture again. Maroon wild curls, green, gold speckled eyes, a slightly narrow but amorous looking mouth, distinctive features ... again _wow_.

No longer hesitating he was writing what first came to his mind:

“ _Angel, really? Anyway, I'm having clipped wings. Yes, yes, I know. 'What's the child knowing about life?' Nothing, you're right. But just so you know:_ 'Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery.' _Are you really envisioning me an angel? Don't be delusional. And don't tell any lies. ;) This app is already full of them anyway._ ”

The answer came immediately. “ _Who's reading Dostoevsky at high school? You are not real! But if self-deception's looking like you, I'm willing to lie to myself. And to you too, if that gets me winning you. Come on, you fake angel-devil Dostoevsky reading high schooler. One cup of coffee. We can only talk about literature if you'll like so. ;)._ ”

Bucky didn't want to talk about literature at all. The little show-off with the quote of the Russian philosopher he had been only able to do, because they were discussing them in his Russian classes.

“ _I've already done my homework like the good high school angel I am. I have a little time at hand this weekend. ;)_ ”

Jared “Jay” Frederic Harrison was grinning contentedly. _17_. Wonderfully young and impressible. And he was dead _gorgeous_ , the boy ... he hoped his picture wasn't edited ... Checking the approximate location of the match the app was revealing he wrote:

“ _Starbucks on the corner of Madison Greenland Drive / Pine Tree Lane. Tomorrow at 6 p.m. If you're not looking like your incredible picture, just wear a carnation in your buttonhole. I just have to get to know you. Who else's reading Dostoevsky?_ ”

“ _A lot of people do that. Guy's famous for his books, right? I'll be there._ "

*

" _Are you at home? I want to see you. Or we could be driving around and hanging out somewhere else._ ” Steve's message came early in the morning.

" _Nah, I have to find a job, I need a car, remember?_ " Bucky had been on the online job exchange for 20 minutes sending applications.

" _Wishing you luck!“_

Bucky found a student job in a trucker diner, where he could go by bike. 10-hour shifts on Sundays and six hours every other Friday evening. Two to three months would be enough to buy a car. But it was going to be tough, he always had so much to do for school. He immediately started to schedule his time and studying a few hours before he had to get ready for his date. Jeans, t-shirt, college jacket. After all, it was just a cup of coffee …

There were three of them and a long walk, and when Jay Harrison had driven him home just after ten, he turned off the engine looking over at his passenger. They were a little further down the street where the Barnes lived and it was long dark. No human soul was to be seen on the streets in the district.

"May I kiss you?" Bucky laughed softly. "What a gentleman." Jay put his hand on Bucky's leg and squeezed it gently. "That hasn't been an answer." "I've thought if I'm going out with a man who's already having a real job, I wouldn’t have to make out in the car anymore.", The hand moved up, the pressure got a bit stronger. Bucky slid forward in his seat a barely noticeable amount. Jay noticed of course and took his hand away. The visible disappointment in the younger man's eyes was giving him some satisfaction. He leaned over and kissed his lips tenderly, mouth closed. Bucky was immediately pulling Jay's lower lip between his own, then between his teeth, tugging gently. That'd been an invitation enough.

During the passionate making out with hot greedy kisses, the older man was whispering Bucky a lot of extremely hot things he was promising to do to him if he was allowed seeing him a second time. Bucky soon was getting so horny that when his crotch was randomly touched lightly, as if by accident, he almost came. "Take me with you right away, I don't need a second date before," he urged. "But _I_ do. I don't do _that_ the first time.” Bucky was literally crestfallen bout this and that was making Jay very happy. With a few targeted sexy and filthy messages, he would turn this hot thing of an incredible high schooler into a horny, whimpering, begging mess until they'd be seeing each other again. It was gonna be so good. "Txt me if you are … in _need_ of a second date, Bucky. Good night." He kissed him again, tenderly and lovingly again, and full of promises ..


	30. International Sports Festival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possible trigger warnings: drug use, slightly dubious relation ship dynamics

**International Sports Festival**

Tony received an email from Dr Strange's secretary just before the sports festival. He was expected in the headmaster's office that same week if he'd be able to set it up. He decided to get this over with on the same day. He was about to be throwing a coin. Who'd done what? Thor or Loki ... He was chatting to Peter through his second breakfast (a banana - "Peedah bananana") asking him, "Wanna be betting on that, Spiderling?" Peter looked at his daddy with big eyes. "Thor or Loki? What do you mean?“ „Daddy-Door-Looi-sgool.“ Tony laughed. „Yes, exactly, we're going to school, to Dr Strange. “Dogda-Dench“ „Oh, Underoos, you have to repeat that when we're there!"

Thor's little feud with Brock Rumlow always was causing excitement and complaints. The boy just didn't want to tell him why he was clashing with his classmate so often. They rarely were fightingt, but there were a lot of nasty subtle pranks at Thor's expense and some less subtle, but funnier ones that Thor tricked Brock with. However, this boy had no sense of humor and his father was always outraged when he thought his precious offspring had been offended. It was tiring. Dr Strange had already hinted at that to Tony. But it was the headmaster's duty to carefully investigate every parent complaint. He also didn't want anyone to think Stark could be corrupting him.

Loki regularly messed up his chemistry club with daring experiments. He wasn't always following the safety rules that strictly in his urge to research, and once in his zeal he had poured a harmless chemical over the hand of a classmate because he didn't want to believe the clear liquid reacting with the natural moisture film on human skin. The hand was turning a deep purple and it wasn't going away for days. The boy's parents were furious! Of course, they'd insisted that Loki left the club, but Dr Strange refused to exclude him. Loki was the most talented participant. Most of the time Loki was developping effects for stage. That was his real passion. Smoke powder in different colors, sparks that weren't hot, things like that.

His sons' day had been relatively uneventful. Drama class was feverishly busy with the finishing touches to the festival, so Steve hasn't seen Bucky all day. He wasn't seeing much of him anymore anyway. His job at the diner and a mysterious permanent date that Bucky was seeing, but for some reason not telling anything about or even introducing to him. Then there always was a lot of work to be done for school ... Bucky simply wasn't having any time on his hands. Thor had lots of football training for the sports days.

Shuri and Nebula were allowed to repair some of the headlights that were no longer working properly with senior high Technology class; the girls were just thrilled! Quill and Gamora had kissed for the first time under the grandstand of the sports hall. Sam and T'Challa had to constantly call Steve to order during their free working hours. He was so distracted and lost in thought, but they had important team works to do. With his characterization of King Lear, Loki literally knocked out his Literature professor and she gave him a commendable note for his parents.

When it was time to go to school, Tony combed Peters wild curls and put fresh clothes on him. He himself was looking okay today, he thought, with no shadows under his eyes as usual and when he got to school, he gave the boys $ 20 to wait for him in the ice cream parlor around the corner while he and Peter were going to the headmaster. The three of them weren't looking guilty and Loki showed his father the note from the literature club. Tony proudly ruffled his hair, which Loki actually was hating, but the recognition did good to him anyway. „Loki's getting the largest ice cream, understand?"

Miss Hooper was not in place so Tony knocked on the Headmaster's Office and was asked in by Dr Strange's deep voice.

"Mr Stark, very friendly of you responding to my request so quickly." "Your invitations are spicing up my monotonous everyday life, Doctor Strange." Tony smiled charmingly. Strange was raisinf a perfect eyebrow smiling back thinly. "Hello Peter, how are you?" He then asked gently. "Peeda-Daddy-sgool-Dogda-Dench" Dr Strange paused and then a real broad smile was brightening his serious features. "He's knowing my name?" He asked Tony. “He's knowing a lot. Peter is a smart boy. And he's picking up so much. Everything we're talking about at home he's soaking it up like a sponge.” Tony looked lovingly at his youngest.

"Are you talking about me at home?" Tony frowned, unable to interpret the doctor's tone. Was he mad? “Oh, don't get it wrong! I've read Ms Hooper's email and told Pete about it, I'm always talking to him.” "I Understand." Strange moved papers back and forth on his desk, which was always the signal of moving on to his concern. "Just a moment, please, Dr Strange." Tony put Peter on the floor next to him unpacking a few rubber animals and picture books for the little one. Then he sat up curiously in the visitor's chair, looking expectantly at the headmaster.

“Mr Bashenga, the Wakanda ambassador, has honored me with a visit. He was speaking very warmly of your family.” "Especially of Mrs. Stark, I guess." Tony slipped out. Strange raised an eyebrow again. This facial acrobat. “King T'Chaka and his wife are coming to New York a week later in year. Sanctuary High is going to give them a reception in honor and as part of the entertainment program, I'm having in mind some stand-up theater performance and I want Loki and his theater club to be responsible for it. Loki is the most talented Dramaturgy student this facility has ever seen, according to school records. But in consideration of his youth, I think it is just appropriate to discuss this with you in advance. ”

"With all due respect and of course I know my Puck is very talented, but Loki is only twelve!" The protecting father in him was resisting. All the jealousy that would be brought back to Loki. He wasn't very popular anyway ... The tender nickname for the serious boy made Dr Strange's corners of the mouth rising a little. “Exactly my thought. An alternative would be junior high Event Planning class, but they are already up to the elbows in the preparations for the sports days and will then be working on musical night. Senior class is responsible for the Christmas party and the winter ball. And I'm sure Loki is able to manage this task with determination and enthusiasm.”

Chewing on his lower lip, Tony mused: "Yeah, even though he's already two classes above his actual year, he's still bored now and then.", he sighed, "And he really loves the theater!" Tony called making a somewhat desperate face. “I could never get anything out of it, I never tried out acting. At least if you're not including role-playing.” he laughed. Dr Strange froze. Tony kept talking.

“Well, you probably know that. I tried _everything_ ... magician, viking, spy. I even pretended to be a woman every now and then!” "I'm afraid I have to ask you about accepting that I am feeling very uncomfortable with this conversation, Mr Stark." Tony stiffened, wide-eyed at him, mouth shaped into a confused 'oh'. Then he understood and was laughing out loud.

Peter was startled and looked up. "Dony-Midah-Daak-Daddy?" “All's well, Underoos. Daddy hasn't meant to scare you, just get back to playing. Mr. Tigger wants to be hopping again. ” "Diggah-hobbing," Peter continued playing.

“This is perfect, Doc! Simply hilarious! ”, he was shaking with laughter and had to wipe tears from the corners of his eyes. The headmaster's brows were drawn together in an angry line, his mouth was set in a thin matter. “Mr Stark, don't mind me! I'm thinking it to be extraordinarily inappropriate of you talking about things that absolutely do not belong here and especially in front of Peter! ” "Peeda-Diggah-hobbing!" Tony was slowly calming down explaining, still in a very amused tone:

“I've been talking about Dungeons and Dragons. Role playing games for nerds like I was one at MIT. Hasn't that been done at Harvard?” Doctor Strange went pale first, then deeply red. Tony had to laugh again. The Doctor was clearing his throat, wanted to say something, then clearing his throat again. "Very interesting, what you are thinking of first time when someone's saying 'role playing', Doctor!" Strange had to cough. "If you want to be chatting about _that_ , I'm gonna come _without_ Peter next time," Tony chuckled. "Mr Stark," the stern tone was back. Tony grinned like a goblin and winked. “I'm betting you had a little more stimulating leisure time than I did at university. But I was only 15 at the time ... ”

Dr Strange had regained his stance and now, reflecting on the situation again, he had to smile amused himself. And then he finally came up with an appropriate response capable of wiping Tony Stark's smug smirk off his face. Challenging himself with this man always was a welcome game and joy for him. “You have to admit, Mr Stark, that's making sense in both contexts. Magician, Viking, spy, ... _woman_. ” Now Tony was at a loss for words. The Doctor just always was doing that ... One day, maybe Tony would be winning the exchange. Perhaps. He sighed.

"How've you imagined this stand-up theater, Dr Strange?", He skilfully tried to chang the subject. Well, not quite as subtle. Strange was grinning very satisfied briefly and then started to explain the concept …

*

The international sports festial was bringing together student teams from all over the Northern American continent in New York and all high schools were taking part. The guest athletes were taken into host families. The Starks, for example, had let in a Canadian ice hockey team to be camping in their living area for four days and had hired two people from a housekeeping service to take care of their guests physical well-beings. However, every evening they were having a funny, noisy dinner with the young people. Tony was just great with young folks ...

Steve was supporting him as best he could, after all he was taking things like that very seriously, politically interested as he was. International understanding, cooperation and all that. Thor was also happy about the cracking bunch and they'd taken the extrovert boy to their training on the second day. He was quite skillful, as with all sorts of sports. Loki was shy as always and thinking the hustle and bustle in his house was very exhausting. Peter quickly had wound a way into all of their hearts as usual and Pepper was of course the presence filling the young men with respect and making them show their best behavior.

The grand opening ceremony took place on the second evening at 5 p.m. Bucky's class had turned the assembly hall into an Olympic village and everything had turned out great. They arrived at half past four so that everyone would find their seats in time for the program. That day Tony and Pepper had left Peter in the care of Uncle Platypus, since they had to look out for the Canadians at least a little bit.

"Mrs Stark, Mr Stark." As always, Dr Strange had suddenly appeared out of nowhere next to them. "Mr Curtis, the coach of the ice hockey team that is staying with you, is raving about your hospitality." Stephen Strange was keeping being amused at how the Starks were always becoming a little rival in his presence.

“Oh, Dr Strange, that' going without saying. Such an important event for these charming young people." Pepper cooed and Tony called: “They've made me an honorary Canadian last night. I've never thought of the heights I would reach!” "Stark!", Titan was making his way through the crowd, his booming voice, as always, heard for miles ahead. Pepper was looking satisfied at that. Her husband had to talk to Mr. Titan now and she could be having a chat with Dr Strange. Tony was scowling at her and turning to the city council member. But this time he just wanted to be small talking a little. He had also taken on a team in his small house, now he and his daughters were forced to stick quite close together, but the politician always was supprotive of things like that and Tony actually thought that was quite nice ... Still, he was keeping an eye on his wife and the headmaster as inconspicuous as he could...

Loki was already waiting for this event to be over in his seat, working diligently on his ideas about stand-up theater for the royal guests from Wakanda. "Hey, Loki!" Bucky suddenly was standing in front of him. Loki was happy, he was hardly seeing him anymore. "Hello, Bucky!" "This isn't your cup of tea, is it?" "No ... But you've done everything really well. The auditorium's looking great! ” “Thank you, pal. Do you know where Steve is?” "I think he's with the Canadians. They are having their table very close to the hot dog stand." "And are they nice?" “Yeah, sure. But that's all too much for me. Thank God it's gonna be over soon.” "You are getting through, Loki." Bucky smiled encouragingly at the boy. "Are you having guests at home, too?" Bucky's expression darkened briefly. "No. Dad isn't making our premises available.” "You're lucky ..." Loki sighed and leaning over his StarkPad again.

Bucky went to find the Canadians' table ... He spotted them; a noisy, funny group of bear-sized, broad-built guys and Steve in the middle, laughing and joking. Bucky stopped a few yards away and was watching the goings-on smiling. His Stevie, born diplomat. The perfect host for the foreign guests ... His heart was overflowing with love ... Steve looked up, Bucky directly in the face. Both froze and the next moment Buckywas wrapped into two strong arms from behind.

"Baby, I've finally found you in this madhouse." _Jay ..._ Bucky swallowed. He and Steve were still looking each other straight in the eye, Steve's expression change, a deep line appearing between his eyebrows. He straightened up in an instant while getting over to the couple. Bucky had decided by now that it would be too strange not to turn around and say hello to his ... _lover/boyfriend/whatever_.

"Jay, what are you doing here?" "Well, sweetie, it's a big thing and you've gone through with it, I've had to look at it." Bucky smiled thinly, glancing briefly over his shoulder, Steve was nearly there. “I'm also hoping for a blowjob in the locker room. After all, I'm dating a high school student“ Jay whispered to Bucky's ear.

"Bucky!" Steve was standing in front of them now. “The auditorium's looking fantastic! You've done so well.“ Steve's eyes were darting back ond forth between Bucky and the man who still had his arm possessively around Bucky's waist. “Steve, this is Jay. Jay, Steve, a friend of mine.” Jay glanced Steve up and down, took his hand, frowning when Steve urged, " _Best_ friend since childhood days, very pleased." Bucky was feeling Jay's hand pressing a little harder at the small of his back. He was looking imploringly at Steve, who did him the favor to ease the situation.

"Come to the table, the guys from Canada are really nice!" “I've got to pass, sorry, guys. Where are the washrooms?” Jay was looking challenging at Bucky. He knew what his boyfriend wanted from him, of course, but he wasn't quite feeling for it and just explained the man how to get there. He didn't look very happy about this but was keeping his face and went in the direction described.

When he was out of earshot, Steve grabbed Bucky's upper arm. "Bucky, is _that_ the guy you're seeing, right? He’s going to college already, isn't he?” Bucky wriggled a little uneasily. "No, not anymore." Steve was staring at him in disbelief. "What do you mean ..." "He's a city planner for the New York City Administration," Bucky stated bravely. Steve released him as if he had burned himself. "Buck ..." he groaned. Bucky felt a pang of defiance at that. If Steve wasn't that ... that _damned_ uninterested ... then ... then ... he shouted angrily, "What do you care! Jay is crazy about me and he's incredible! And at least he knows what he's doing.” Steve snorted at that and was studying Bucky's wrought up features intendly in a serious and honestly concerned way.

"And _you,_ Bucky? Do you _also_ know what you are doing?” Bucky's heart stopped for a moment, then all of his emotional mess was bursting out of him. He _didn't_ love Jay. The sex was amazing, but ... Bucky didn't _love_ him. He loved _Steve_ ... And he was so mad at Steven Stark so suddenly.

"It's really none of your business, Steven," he hissed. Steve went pale. “What sort of problem are you having with it? Seriously ... what problem? Tell me!" Steve was staring at Bucky with his mouth open. "Bucky ... I ... but ..." " _Yes_ , I thought so. Steven Stark with the smooth tongue of the born politician at a loss of words ... It's just not worth the effort. It's only about James _fucking_ 'Bucky' Barnes! ”, with that he turned on his heel hurrying away with tense shoulders. Steve was frozen. _Oh my God_ ... what had just happened here?

Bucky found Jay Harrison in the washroom and determinedly pushing him into one of the stalls, locking the door behind them, sinking to his knees ... The older man smiled contentedly. Blowjob in the locker room ... _Awesome_.

Steve was hurt and offended in his sense of justice. What had given Bucky the right to talk to him like that? He had been so unfair to him. But well, as he said that none of this was mattering to him _at all_ , then he should have just that. Steve wouldn't say anything more about it. In fact, for a while he wouldn't say anything to Bucky _at all_. From then on he was plunging into his work, doing a lot with Sam and T'Challa and was no longer texting Bucky, only saying hello to him superficially when they saw each other in school and from then on he sometimes went out with some of the girls who were constantly around him, Sam and the prince.

One he really liked attended Sam's Sports class. Sharon Carter. She was a cousin of Peggy and wasn't really in T'Challa's fan club, she was just playing wing girl for one of her friends. Sharon soon was the only one Steve went out with and he quickly realized that she liked him. Liked him a lot. However, she was a bit reluctant about Steve's history with her cousin, so she wasn't putting pressure on him and was initially content with friendship and harmless flirting ... After that Bucky even withdrew from T'Challa and no longer visiting him at the embassy. Sam was fine with that. He was enjoying the clique around Steve with T'Challa, Sharon and himself much better without Bucky.

Him, who could hardly stand it anymore at home, was spending as much time he could between his shifts in the trucker diner and his homework with his boyfriend in his Manhattan apartment. But he was feeling Jay getting weary of him slowly... It was subtle, but still. After all, the man couldn't go out with Bucky. They wouldn't let them into any club or bar. What are you getting from a cute high schooler if you weren't up to even show off him around?

They were making out, sleeping together, but the man wasn't caring much about conversations anymore. So Bucky went out of his way to please him, sometimes giving in to his lover's a bit rough temper and sometimes a little kinky needs, although he wasn't feeling good about it. Jay's interest in him was growing again and he started testing Bucky's limits. The relationship dynamics rapidly lost their balance and Bucky was suddenly finding himself in a toxic addiction and impotence a few weeks later and had no idea how he got there in the first place and what he was about to do now. He had no one left, just his slightly abusive boyfriend …

One night Jay let him have his first marijuana cigarette and, uninhibited as he was afterwards, he was letting Jay do things to him he could not have imagined to join in soberly. The man was thrilled and from now on always had some drugs at home when Bucky registered to stay the night ...


	31. Peter's Birthday, Musical Night and an Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possible trigger warnings: underage (Bucky is 17, so in age of consent; consent, sane and safe), slightly dubious relation ship dynamics, age gap

**Peter's Birthday, Musical Night and an Invitation**

Steve had long been over his hurt feelings from the sports festival and he was missing Bucky badly. In the few classes they had together, he was watching him surreptitiously. He was startled by how thin Bucky had grown. Still with a sporty body, but with sharper facial features and looking pale as well. His eyes were constantly moving, as if he was being rushed, and he was seeming to grit his teeth most of the time, the muscles in his jaw were looking so tense. Steve was feverishly wondering how he could catch a moment alone with Bucky and after the last class of that day, Science, he told Sam and T'Challa on the way out that he would have to quickly hand in a book in the library and then they would meet at the ice cream parlor.

Sharon, who was taking Science as an advanced class, would be there too. He checked which direction Bucky was heading and when his two friends were out of sight he hurried in the same direction. He found Bucky by his locker. The hall was deserted and he was leaning his forehead against the cool metal. Steve approached carefully, not wanting to scare him.

"Hey ..." he called softly. Bucky started as if someone had hit him and whirled around. "Steve ...", his voice was toneless, his eyes gray like storm clouds and huge in the somewhat hollow cheeked face with the sharply accented cheekbones. Yes, Bucky had lost weight, but he was still very pretty. Steve suppressed a sigh. Steve came closer and Bucky half raised his arms in a kind of helpless gesture and dropped them again.

"Bucky ..." Now he was with him and pulled him into a tight hug. Bucky's body trembled a little and his head falling limp onto Steve's shoulder. "Stevie ..." he whispered. “Bucky, what's going on? Are you ill? You are _looking_ ill!" Steve pushed him away a little so that he could look at him inquiringly. The brave half smile was unconvincing. But then Bucky straightened himself: "I'm only about to drop dead from tiredness ... junior high is _shit_ ..." Then he grinned:

„So, you and Sharon _Carter_ , yes? What is it about you an them Carter girls? Is that a large family, the Carters? I'm wondering, how many Carter girls are there waiting in line for you?”, the teasing tone from their past sounding so familiar. Steve laughed. “It's nothing serious. We haven't even kissed properly.” “Tsas, Stevie, honor to your reluctance, but at your pace you are dead earlier than laid." Steve blushed. "I miss you Buck." His smile collapsed.

“Oh Stevie, that's how it's going with childhood friendships sometimes, you're drifting apart. We just barely have spare time and got to know different people.” Steve exclaimed passionately: “No! Bucky, no, not you and me. Don't say that. We are best friends, you and me. We ... it can't just end like this!” Bucky squeezed his shoulder and sighed. Steve was so much better off without him. His small circle of respectable decent people from intact families, a real prince, Sam Wilson, an exemplary good black boy on a scholarship and a dream girl. Who was Bucky Barnes after all? No one who wanted to get in the way of the boy he loved ...

"Ever the dramatic one, aren't you, Stevie ..." he laughed softly. "Is that something serious with you and this ... the _city planner_?" Bucky swallowed. "His name is Jay, Steve." "Sorry ..." "He is ... I'm getting laid pretty often, that's not to be sneezed at," he replied vaguely. The conflict on Steve's face, he was always hiding his feelings so badly, his Stevie, Bucky almost could hear his own heart shattering to pieces just a little more again, but he had to stay brave now for his Stevie ...

"Well, if he's making you happy... _Is_ Jay?" Steve hesitated, then: _"Are_ you happy?" Lying to Steve was so hard ... "I'm sure I'll be, okay? Beginnings in relationships always are difficult. We're very different, let alone the age gap... don't worry. And go kiss Sharon properly at last, you punk!” Bucky was laughing bravely and convincingly enough for Steve.

"What are we getting to see from you on the musical evening?", Steve changed the subject, while an idea was blossoming in his head, which he later wanted to deal with extensively. "Tsas, that's supposed to be a surprise!" "Oh, come on, tell me, I won't be gossipping around!" “At first we wanted to do some classic: Phantom of the Opera in a more modern setting, but there are too few large roles. I then proposed a Disney medley, so at least everyone could have a song of a main character. You can also design many different costumes and sets. It'll be really cool, I think.” "What are you about to perform?" He and Bucky loved Disney movies! "I'm gonna be keeping this surprise to myself."

"If you acted the phantom, people would have seen at least only half of your stupid face!" Steve laughed. "I'm not that a philanthropist, Steve," Bucky grinned, "they'll have to endure whole of my face." "Ha ha, yes, poor people ...", Steve sneered, "I'm thinking about it and then we're having a bet on it. I'm figuring out what you're going to perform, you'll see!” "Ha! Challenge accepted, you'll never guess! ” They exchanged some more irrelevant comments and flat jokes, then Steve really had to go.

His friends were waiting in the ice cream parlor. But he had the feeling that something had been repaired here and that he might be able to renew his friendship with Bucky. Bucky watched him hurry away and when he was around the corner, he slumped against his locker and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He crossed his arms around his knees and rested his head on it.

He didn't notice that the headmaster came around the corner, froze seeing him, and disappearing silently right after ... Dr Strange was waiting until he heard the student go away and went to the locker to check the number. The mop of silky dark hair (hardly any male student wore his hair so strikingly done) and the long legs in white jeans (hardly anyone wore that, too) were giving good hints, but he wanted to be sure. In his office he checked the locker number. James Barnes, just as he thought.

Steve came home after a fun afternoon in the ice cream parlor (although he _hadn't_ kissed Sharon again ...) and went straight to his room to work on a formal request. He didn't trust himself to master Maths or IT, so he would ask for a class change from English to Drama, Media and Event Planning. He just had to spend more time with Bucky again! His application landed on an already remarkable pile two days later. Everyone seemed to want to attend this class this year. Lots of girls and Steven Stark. Dr Strange started on a little researching ...

*

(11.11.2018; Peter's turning two)

Peter's second birthday fell on a Sunday and everyone was happy. They were able to invite all of their friends and celebrate this important event properly! Tony had been working eagerly all week on decorations worthy of his spiderling, and the living room had been transformed into a children's paradise for tiny superheroes. Ball pool, bouncy castle, climbing wall and crawling tunnels with Spider-Man motifs and thematically modeled on the most famous spider in the world and in toddler size were set up and Peter had not been allowed into the living room the whole week. Strictly speaking, _no one_ had been. Tony had ordered lots of food for the party instead of cooking or baking himself. As much as he would like to give his best for his little darling, he couldn't do that to him and his guests. Nobody would want to eat what he had prepared!

Peter did not really understand the concept of 'birthday', but he quickly noticed at breakfast that today was a special day and that the day was special because of him. He was bouncing, jumping and running around excitedly from one to the other and everyone was paying their full attention at him.

“Everyone's coming after lunch, Underoos! Uncle Platypus and Aunt Natasha with Uncle Bruce and Wanda and Pietro, Uncle Happy ... All of them just because of you!” Peter looked at him with large eyes. "Pahdy?" "Yes, a party, you little clever guy!" "Pahdy-pahdy-pahdy!" He hopped on to Steve climbing onto his lap. "Pahdy, Deeve, Baggi toming" Steve forced a smile for his little brother. “Oh, Pete, I'm sorry. Bucky can't come, but Sam and T'Challa will be coming! ”

"Baggi _ith_ toming!" the little one responded determinedly. Peter was still attached to Bucky, even though he hadn't been in and out of the house for half a year. But in Peter's formative time around the age of one and a half, he and Steve had spent so much time with the little one and that had imprinted him on his brother's friend like a duckling. “Deeve-Baggi”, that somehow was belonging together for him. Tony called his youngest and showed him a picture of the giant Spiderman cake.

“Tbider-Man-take! ” Bucky was forgotten for now. At least with Peter ... Steve's attempts to revive their friendship were going on slowly and tough and not exactly fruitful . Bucky wasn't having much free time and often spending much of it in the posh apartment in Manhattan. He hadn't met _this city planner ,_ as Steve still was referring to Jay secretly, again after the sports festival. On the one hand, he was relieved about it, but on the other hand, he was also terribly curious, wanted to know how the two of them were behaving around each other, to see himself beause Bucky was telling barely anything about his boyfriend after all...

But at least they were texting more often. Bucky missing about Peter's birthday had devastated him in earnest, but he had to work like every Sunday and had not mangaged to find a substitude among his co-workers. Bucky was suffering like an abandonned dog on his Sunday shift on November the 11th …

After a light lunch, the family had taken the birthday boy to the living room and Peter cheered with happiness. He was romping over, under and through the playing equipment and when the guests had rolled in, he sometimes was pulling one or the other enthusiastically from station to station. Tony and Pepper's friends were naturally excited about Steve's friend, the African prince, but T'Challa, humble and polite as he was, was feeling uncomfortable with all the attention. So he quickly turned every conversation back to Peter.

Nebula had come. Her sister and Quill were attending a weekend-long self-defense seminar, so the two had to refuse. The shy girl was staying in the background relieved no one paying any attention to her. Her classmate Thor was romping wildly with his little brother and her other classmate, Loki, was talking enthusiastically about chemistry to Mr and Mrs Stark's friend, Dr Banner. Suddenly the cute toddler in the mandatory superhero suit was standing in front of her.

"Peedah-hobbing-tome." The little boy grabbed her hand and she let him pull her to the little bouncy castle. Nebula, who was very tall for her age, had looked a little desperate at it when Tony joined the two. "One thing's not so bad on the dwarves' side of humanity, I guess." Nebula stifled a giggle. Mr. Stark wasn't exactly a dwarf, but he was smaller than her!

“Tome on! Daddy too!” Peter pulled Nebula into the bouncy castle and Tony crawled in after them. Peter and his father whirled around wildly while the man started a casual conversation with the girl. About school, about autumn season and about upcoming Christmas. It was surprisingly easy for Nebula to chat with Mr Stark. That had to be because he seemed like a boy to her, lying or kneeling or sitting most of the time. She gave a few less monosyllabic answers than usual feeling very comfortable. And the toddler was really very cute. Soon she was playing with Peter and Tony left the bouncy castle.

"I'm too old for that kind of stuff," he gasped, pushing the tangled hair out of his forehead. Natasha laughed out next to him. "But at least you're not too tall!" She got a deadly look for that.

Pietro was talking to Steve while Sam was desperately trying to get his beautiful sister's attention. Wanda was just raising her eyebrows at his jokes smiling coolly. _Hopeless_ ... "Steve!" She called over to the two. “Where's your _Siamese twin_? I was actually expecting him.” Pietro said something to her in Russian in a rather smug tone with their mother frowning. "Pietro, don't tease your sister!" and in Russian to her daughter:

“If you want to have an American schoolboy for breakfast, the little one who's making doe-eyes at you would be an alternative!” Bruce, who had become aware of the exchange of blows in his family's native language, got red ears ... He wasn't to keen on his son offering young men like snacks to his sister and his wife eagerly joining in on top of all ... And he had heard his children talk about Steve's attractive friend Bucky at breakfast. Steve was looking from one to the other ... He knew it was a waste of time to ask for an explanation. Natasha Romanov and the Maximoffs were very skilled liars and would only be telling him fairy tales anyway. But to whom Wanda was referring with _Siamese twin_ was out of the question ...

The big birthday surprise arrived at 5 pm. Tony had hired an acrobat and actor who came to the party in a Spider-Man costume, did some Spider-Man-like gymnastics for a while, and gave Peter his only present. Peter's birthday presents were on the one hand the party with all the people who loved him and Tony and Pepper didn't want to overwhelm him with a huge pile of gifts. They had asked everyone not to buy him anything, but simply to give the little one their time. However, his parents had known what would be the greatest for him and the 'real' Spider-Man gave Peter a box with a big gesture, telling meows protubing from it.

The actor helped the child open the lid, and an enchanting pitch-black kitten was sitting in the box, meowing and trembling. Peter had loved all the animals on the farm, but the kittens had been charming him the most and his parents had been spending a lot of time discussing and argueing, and Tony's heart and charm had won against Pepper's mind and reason (“ _You'll_ clean the litter box, Daddy _Supreme_!”). Peter carefully stretched out his arms and Tony put the kitten in his lap. The little boy beamed blissfully and said:

"Fhiday". Friday was his favorite day when he had baby fitness which he loved and Mommy and his brothers came home earlier and the whole family always had a wonderful time. And Friday was following her little master from this point at every turn, sleeping with him in his bed and got to be Peter's first best friend …

*

Christmas was getting closer. Bucky's father was transferred to Aruba for two months and had not wanted to take his son out of school. So he sent him to a far related cousin whose third wife was only 23 years old and the cute house guest tempted her making advances. Bucky kept fleeing to his boyfriend in horror as often as he could. Jay still only tolerated him when he was dancing to his tune. And he made sure of it ... sometimes with drugs, sometimes with subtle manipulation. Of course Steve had offered to take Bucky in for the time, his parents also agreed, but Major Barnes insisted on his son being left with his own family …

The musical night was a success. Steve had texted Bucky on the head that he would perform Lumière's 'Be our Guest' from 'Beauty and the Beast' but Bucky had only laughed and texted Steve back that he was owing him $ 20. In fact, Bucky had choreographed a nifty number with the help of programming the S.E.N.F technology: 'Alice in Wonderland's 'Mad Hatter' with 'The Unbrithday Song'. In reality there was the table with cups, teapots, accessories and all kinds of frills and Bucky in a breathtaking costume. His 'co-stars', 'March Hare', 'Dormouse' and of course 'Alice' were projected, he was speaking and singing all roles himself in different voices and dancing and doing antics on the table, as crazy as - well, as a hatter ... His audience was swept off their feet. After 10 somewhat monotonous performances, alternating between princess and villain, it was refreshing and fun and innovative.

When Steve caught him later in the evening, he shoved a twenty into his hand and shook his head, smiling. “Great costume!” "I'm going to save it for Halloween next year." "Bucky, you were amazing!" He was still wearing the oversized hat and now waved it with an exaggerated bow. "Aren't you thutht a tharming thing, you are." Steve laughed. “Definitely the better idea than Lumière.” “Don't be sad about that, Stevie. That in fact _has been_ my first idea. But I just couldn't manage to turn myself into a sexy candelabra and as the dumb candlestick I've been looking like, I haven't wanted to go on stage.” Steve laughed out, shaking his head.

“Is your boyfriend around? He has to burst with pride!” Steve said to be nice. Bucky's smile slipped briefly from him. Then the moment was over again. "Jay still has a lot to do, urgent deadline for a construction site, but he's going to pick me up soon." "Too bad he hasn't seen that."

"You're here here with your parents?" “My mother's got a bad cold and Dad hasn't wanted to leave her alone. I'm here with Sharon. ” "Have you gotten any further with that?" Bucky was grinning. Steve blushed. "A little bit." "Tell me, you punk!" Bucky called, actually sounding like he was happy for Steve, he was almost proud of that achievement. “I'm texting to you later, but you're only getting the basics. After all, I'm a gentleman.” “Oh yes, of course. _Liar._ Nothing happened, you just want to show off.” Steve couldn't look at Bucky.

Bucky's cell phone beeped. He pulled it out reading the message. "Jay is waiting at the corner, 64th street, I have to go!" Steve swallowed. “But the honors of the participants at the end of the evening ... aren't you supposed to be there? And your boyfriend could watch it! ” Bucky gritted his teeth. “Lots of people are happy when they've grown out of high school, Stevie. Jay is one of them. Wild horses couldn't drag him to a high school event again, he's saying.” Bucky sniffed raising one shoulder. Steve frowned at that. Shouldn't _this city planner_ be supportve of his boyfriend in such a success? "Bucky ..." The moment was suddenly disturbed.

"Steve! Oh, _there_ you are. I've been looking for you all over the place.“ Sharon. She came over and hooking her arm on Steve's elbow. “Fantastic gig, Bucky!” At least _this_ Carter girl wasn't calling him 'James'. “Thank you, Sharon. It's been great fun.” “It's been looking like it too! Come along to our table until the honor.” "I'm sorry, I have to go." "What? But all active people are honored and you've been the best!” Both Bucky and Steve were delighted with the compliment. Sharon also was seeming to be really serious. A message on Bucky's phone interrupted them.

" _I'm not allowed to be parking here any longer._ “ "I have to go, sorry." With that, Bucky turned hurrying down the hall. "What's wrong with him?" Sharon asked Steve. "I don't know ..." he replied thoughtfully and somewhat introverted. With a sharp line between his eyebrows, he was watching his friend disappear. Sharon furtively chewed on her lower lip. Her cousin Peggy just had raised her eyebrows at the news that she was now dating Steven Stark wishing her "good luck" dryly. When Sharon persisted, Peggy finally told her to better be looking out for James Barnes. Sharon wasn't understanding. Steve and James 'Bucky' Barnes weren't hardly spending any time together. And besides, Steve wasn't gay!

*

"Tell me, there's been no way to be any slower?" The sarcastic tone made Bucky flinch. He apologized to Jay for the long wait. His boyfriend was looking him up from top to bottom, Bucky having the huge hat in his lap, otherwise he couldn't have gotten in the car.

"You're better leaving those boots on you for as long as you can," the older man finally grinned. Bucky's stomach jumped excitedly. “But wipe your makeup off, you're looking like a cheap hustler! I don't want the cops to stop me.” This comment pulled Bucky back to the floor. He was pressing his lips together not making a move to comply. Jay Harisson realized that he had gone too far.

He had been having no desire to attend a high school musical night. Just as little as listening to the little stupid hardships of high school students, but the sex with that high school student next to him was just amazing. The boy was so desperately in need of love that he was confusing almost every emotion with love and he willingly let his lover do so much that Jay had been denied from most of his former lovers. And wasn't he just a sight! He pulled right stopping. Jay turned to Bucky.

"Baby ... I'm sorry. Please forgive me. ”, sounding contrite. “I 've had a terrible day and the stress from the construction site's still eating me up. But that shouldn't count at the moment. Rather, I now want to know everything about your performance.” He gently pushed a strand behind Bucky's ear. He was still deep in the encounter with Steve and his (unfortunately very nice) girlfriend, but nestlingd into the touch in an instant. "The people liked it." “Of course, sweetie. Alle people love you. It is obvious." Jay was caressing Bucky's delicate skin behind his ear and on his neck. Bucky let out a sigh, almost a moan. Jay was grinning inside. Gosh, what was the boy always this horny, he was just perfect! Bucky was leaned towards him, wanted to be kissed, but Jay had started refusing to kiss Bucky some time ago, until he was almost insane with desire.

“I'm taking us home, baby. As fast as possible.” With that Jay started the car and drove off.

In the apartment, Bucky first took a quick shower, he had fresh laundry in his backpack, and then they were watching an old movie on Netflix. The show and the enthusiastic audience had given Bucky an adrenaline rush and he was very confident tonight. He soon was climbing onto Jay's lap, one leg on each side kissing him passionately and demanding. Jay thought this to be very sexy and fished for the hatter's hat behind the couch and put it on his lover.

"What do you want, Mad Hatter?" Bucky straightened up, supported himself with one hand on the backrest pulling his shorts down a little with the other. Jay took his hand leading it into his hair. Then he was doing what his teenage lover so obviously wanted, and when Bucky's fingers were clenching his curls, tugging at them ecstatically, he actually liked it for a change. From then on, Jay was a little more affectionate to his high school sweetheart again for some time…

*

Shortly before Christmas break, Dr Strange personally emailed Tony and asked him to come to his office. Tony, who had had a short but pleasant conversation with the headmaster both at the reception of the Wakandan royal couple and at the Christmas party, was surprised, but immediately making an appointment with him for the next day. When his boys came home from school today on the bus, he brought them all to the kitchen table for an afternoon snack. All three immediately had obeyed with suspicious looks on their faces. Their father was so 'formal'. Peter was sitting in his elevated chair munching on his cheese sandwich contentedly. Friday was of course with him and he gave the kitten small pieces of cheese.

"Pete, don't give Friday that much cheese, she's getting a stomachache," Tony said to him. Peter looked at him in horror, his lower lip pushed forward trembling. "Fhiday no thtomachache." “No, no, Underoos. Not yet. Not when you're stopping now. I'm getting her some of her snacks, okay?” Peter relaxed again and Tony went for the bag of cat treats. Meanwhile, his brothers were watching him lovingly petting his cat and chatting with her. “Fhiday no thtomachache. Peedah is tareful. Peedah luvth Fhiday”All three of them smiled happily. Peter was so cute.

"Boys!" Tony looked around. “I have an invitation to the headmaster's office. Who did what? ” “Pop, I haven't fought again, honestly. Brock'd sprayed my locker full with shaving cream but I've stayed pretty cool about it. Nothing important is ruined, you can even read the maths book in most places!” "I'lm buying you a new one, Sunny." “Save yourself the trouble, father. Thor doesn't understand clearly legible mathematics either. ” "Hey!" Thor laughed good-naturedly, after all, his brother was right. Loki grinned at him and then looking honestly at his father's face.

"No laboratory accidents lately, father, I swear." Steve hadn't said anything yet. He was perfectly aware what was going on. Sam had told him that his parents were with Dr Strange for a chat because he wanted to switch from Spanish to Science. Sam knew what was asked on there from Sharon and in Spanish they had to read and interpret too many poems and novels for his taste. That wasn't his cup of tea. But Steve wasn't too keen on discussing this in front of Thor and Loki now, so he tried to change the subject.

“I don't know what Dr Strange could possibly be up to, Dad. But as we're all here together, can we invite T'Challa and Shuri for Christmas? Introduce them to American Christmas?” Tony noticed that Steve was hiding something from him, but he didn't mention it. "To the party? Sure, why not? Aren't they going home for the holidays?” “The king and queen are on a vacation in the States. But we don't have to invite them as well, they're having a highly official invitation to the White House and won't take their children with them. The ambassador and his daughter will accompany them to Washington and then T'Challa and Shuri would be alone on second Christmas Day.” “Just ask them! Any other guests this year? ”

“Sharon is with her parents in Missouri, Sam's family gets a lot of guests and he has to help at home. Bucky 's flying to his father who's still in Aruba.” "Christmas in swimming trunks for him again, the poor boy!" Tony called out. He and Pepper were still puzzled about their oldest son's childhood friend and the two of them having become so estranged, but Steve was so buttoned down on the subject that they decided not to go into it any further.

"Can I ask Quill?" Peter Quill was currently living in a foster home. His grandfather, who had been looking after him since his mother's death, was in a poor health. The family was nice, but they were practically city employees, taking on emergencies and deep ties to the children and adolescents in their temporary care were not wanted. “Of course, Thor. How is his grandpa doing? ” “He's getting chemotherapy again. Quill is really worried.” Tony looked at him sympathetically. The poor Quill boy. "Does he still have his raccoon?" "Rocket is much better behaved now, pop, honestly." Tony sighed. "Well, Pete, what do you think? Are Friday and the raccoon gonna make friends? ” "Fhiday alwayth fhiend" "Go ask him, Sunny!"


	32. Bucky's 18th Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possible trigger warnings: drug use, off screen domestic abuse/violence 
> 
> ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Bucky's 18 th Birthday**

The next day on time at 2 pm Tony arrived with Peter at the headmaster's office and Miss Hooper greeted them heartily. “Mr Stark! And Peter! Hello, honey, how are you?” For a while now Tony had been out of the picture more and more often when he was out with Peter. The competition is growing he thought amused. "Peedah-thgool-Fhiday-home". Tony explained the cryptic information to the secretary and then Miss Hooper announced him to Dr Strange. Tony entered.

"Mr Stark, Peter." "Doctor Strange." "Dogda Dench" "I don't want to slow you down for so long before the holidays and I'm getting straight to the point if you like so," said Dr Strange. Tony nodded to him.

"Mr Stark, are you reading Steven's English essays?" Tony blinked. He didn't know what to answer. Of course, he'd read one or the other school and homework assignment of all of his sons. He'd never been noticing anything else about Steve's essays other than being brilliant. Since he'd started Creative Writing, they had been getting even better. "Uh ...", he made little intelligently. "How do you like them?" Strange was knowing that a father like Mr Stark was interested in his sons' works. “They are outstanding, Doctor. He's presenting even the most boring topics in an extremely stimulating and captivating way. We are very proud, Mrs Stark and me. ”

“You see, that is exactly my opinion. Now, however, I've gotten a request from Steven to change from English to Drama and Media.” Tony was making huge eyes at that. _What?_ Dr Strange sighed. "So he hasn't talked to you about it." "No he hasn't," Tony replied. "This year I have got a lot of requests to switch to this class, mostly from girls - and Steven." Tony wrinkled his nose. What was the headmaster trying to tell him? Was Steve suddenly _the_ junior high crush and attracting girls like moths to a flame? Had he triggered a movement where he wanted to conquer the Drama class with some kind of 'harem'. _Steve?_

“I'm largely knowing what's going on in my school, Mr Stark. Many do believe that I am only sitting here in my ivory tower and pondering unwordly thoughts. But that's not the case. At least not as often as it seems.” A fine smile was playing around the doctor's narrow but well-cut lips. It didn't happen often to Tony that he had no idea what other people were actually saying, but it was sort of dayly basis with Dr Strange. He was getting a little impatient. Peter was playing contentedly with his rubber animals on the carpet of the office, but could and would need a change every moment and then he had to hurry after him preventing him from risking his young, tender life.

"Dr Strange, with all due respect, why have you asked me here?" Strange looked him in the eye, testing as it seemed, Tony felt like the other could look deep into his soul. Well, it didn't matter, everything was largely fine with his soul. He pursed his lips slightly contemptuously and a little defiantly. "Doctor! I am not one of your students who can probably be shaken to the core of their soul by your intimidating nature. Don't keep me in suspense, the dramatic moment is over. What do you want from me? ” Doctor Strange blinked, then took a deep breath.

"Tell me something about James Barnes, Mr. Stark." Tony dropped his jaw. He hadn't expected _that_ in life. " _Bucky_?" He called in confusion. The headmaster smiled his tiny, unreadable, barely noticeable smile. Mr Stark apparently also nicknamed the boy. "Buggi?" Peter echoed, looking around as if he expected Bucky to be in the office. "Bucky is not here, Pete." Peter looked disappointed and then went back to his picture book. Tony pulled the little one onto his lap and he snuggled up, thumb in his mouth to his chest. He had fallen asleep very late the night before and was apparently in need of a nap. "So Peter also has taken a liking to him, right?"

"We all like the boy very much!" Tony smiled. Then he got serious again: "Or rather have so ... Why are you asking me to talk about him? Shouldn't Major or Mrs Barnes rather be here then?” Strange sighed. “Major Barnes is not responding to my parent-teacher-conference requests, Mr. Stark. Do you know him?" “Just a glimpse, from the few times I picked Steve up at the Barnes'. Major and Mrs Barnes had never accepted Mrs Stark's and my invitations when the boys made friends years ago, so ...“ „You and your wife haven't miss out a thing!” The headmaster called out hotly.

Tony raised his eyebrows in surprise. Bucky's parents had obviously gotten on Dr Strange's bad side. And given that the man at least had regular dealings with people like Thanos Titan and Ed Rumlow, Tony was a bit puzzled.. “Mrs. Barnes has left the family a few weeks ago. James is currently living with relatives because Major Barnes is based in Aruba.” Tony knew the latter, but the former was new to him. "Oh ... I haven't known about his mother." "Mr Stark, can you tell me something about James now or not?" "For heaven's sake just call him 'Bucky', for me it's hard to relate the name 'James' to him." Tony called. "All right then. Tell me about Bucky.”

“We haven't seen much of him lately. He'd gone in and out at ours for years, with breaks, when Major Barnes was stationed around the world. Steve and him have been inseparable for time and times. They seem to have been parting ways since last summer holidays. Steve has a girlfriend now...” “Sharon Carter.”, Dr Strange put in. "You are well informed, Doctor." "Well, what kind of headmaster would I be if I didn't know what was going on in my school?" “Doctor, I'm frank now. This is confidential, isn't it?” "Naturally." “Mrs Stark and I have been a little surprised at the development with Sharon, Steve and Bucky. We were actually convinced ... I think you know what I'm getting at.” “I think so too. Keep talking anyway, please. ”

“Bucky is homosexual and he is or has been almost certainly in love with Steve. That's why the two of them probably have gotten estranged since Steve's started dating girls seriously, it's already started in the summer holidays.” "There are things you cannot change." "well true, Doctor." “I've been speaking to Jam - _Bucky's_ teachers. The boy has changed. I've also watched him a little myself. There's no no doubt I'm also having that lot of applications for transfer to his class here on my desk because of him. ”, Strange tapped a stack of paper with his index finger. "But Steven's application isn't making any sense to me, Mr. Stark."

"What do you mean _changed_ , Doctor?" He sighed. "James - _Bucky_ Barnes is under the influence of drugs, that's obvious."

Tony was staring the headmaster in a loss of words. "It is not obvious to everyone, I'm admitting, but I am a doctor, neurologist and everything's pointing to it." "Good God, Stephen!" Tony cried passionately. Peter winced briefly, but then falling asleep again when his father stroked his back soothingly. Strange's head had jerked up, Mr Stark had never before called him by his first name.

"You're not expecting me to stay formal when we are having such a personal conversation, are you?" Dr Strange hesitated briefly, then replied "No, you're right, Tony. Listen, Steven has a girlfriend. And excellent grades in English. Why does he really want to switch to Drama and Media? Where Bucky Barnes is shining right now?” “I am very much amazed at that myself right now, to be honest. It's not his cuppa at all.” "I agree. I've decided to not giving in to Steven's application, I don't think he's talented enough for the class anyway.” Tony looked indignant at the headmaster.

“Tony, please, do you think Steven is particularly creative? Or a sparkling stage person? I wasn't meaning anything else.” "What should I do about Bucky, Stephen?" "You can't save everyone, Tony. Keep that in mind. A misconceived loyalty from childhood shouldn't put Steven off the right track, should it?” "But ..." Tony shook his head. "You can't just watch how ..." "Some people have to go all the way down to get back up. You can judge better than me if James Barnes is such a person. ”

“He is very independent and also proud. Interested in a fairly number of all sorts of things. He's rather intelligent and talented. He's looking better than a junior high student should be allowed. His home's seeming to give little stability and love. When he was being with us regularly, you could think we were something of a substitute for it, especially Steve, of course. He and Bucky are jokingly called 'The Siamese Twins' in our circle of friends. Nothing's appearing left of all that. Steve now has other friends, a committed relationship. As for Bucky, I have no idea. I guess I've just assumed it would be the same with him. He's surely quite popular! ”

“Bucky has a lot of admirers, but no friends. That's what my colleagues are saying who are seeing him every day ” “I have to talk to Steve. If he knows Bucky is in trouble ...” “Tony. I don't think that's a good idea. Steven doesn't seem to have noticed. How would it look to Bucky if he suddenly started out of the blue? Do you think he's subtle enough not to offend Bucky's pride?” Tony cocked his head and blew out some air. "You're right ... damn it."

“I'm suggesting you're waiting for Bucky to find back to your family on his own. Watch out for Steven and be ready. Once your son's childhood friend has fallen deeply, he's going to need help. And it is quite possible that he's having nobody but all of you when that time's about to come.” "Sounding a bit like Russian roulette to me, don't you think, Stephen?" "There is nothing we can do at the moment, Tony. There's no help for anyone when the boy's receiving a criminal record. I'm assessing his drug consumption to be relatively harmless at the moment. Marijuana and some party drugs, I would say. He's coming to school every day and has good grades. He's not a junkie, just a young person with a few problems that he has to ask for help about, no one can take that away from him.” Tony sighed. Peter was starting to move.

"What am I telling my boys you've wanted from me?" The headmaster smiled thinly. “I have long wished to modernize the school's broadcast system. That's an appropriate topic for a conversation between you and me, don't you think?” Tony grinned. "I'm going to put something in for you after the holidays, Doc." "Thank you, Mr. Stark." "It's a pleasure." The bell was ringing and the two men rose. "Daddy?" Peter blinked at him. "Come on, Pete, school's out, let's pick up your brothers." “Sgool oud. Daddy-Peedah-Deeve-Door-Looi home. Fhiiday home.” "I agree."

Steve was very disappointed when he was given the polite rejection of his wish to switch classes on the last day of school with his trimester grades sheet. But he was delighted with the award for outstanding achievements in Social Sciences.

Christmas 2018 came and went. Pepper gave Steve his first car, a blue Volkswagen Beetle, he was happy. Bucky got a StarkPhone and a large amount of money from his father, planning on getting another Pick-Up and was able to keep his savings for the longed-for motorbike. Sharon gave Steve the first edition of a George Washington biography Steve loved and he gave her an expensive bow and arrow set that she was really happy about. Steve had collectible Lego figurines for Bucky on the last day of school - Yoda and a stormtrooper ("You punk!"), And Bucky gifted Steve a retro typewriter he had found at a garage sale. "That's what George Washington was typing the Declaration of Independence with, the seller said," Bucky was grinning broadly at Steve ("Jerk."). For Peter, Tony had designed a play and climbing park for Friday, which was installed in the living room. Peter was overjoyed for his kitten.

The visit of the Bartons in the first week of January was turbulent and filled with activities. Clint and Laura went out every day, visiting restaurants, going shopping, to the theater, cinema or some musical, while Tony and Pepper were entertaining the Barton kids together with their sons. VR gaming, board games afternoons, joint (catastrophic) cooking and baking, toboganning and roasting chestnuts, all was part of the program.

School'd started again and junior high was almost overwhelmed with work and demands. Time was flying by and soon it was Bucky's 18th birthday on March the 10th. Steve had of course congratulated him in the morning and handed him his present: the latest model of VR glasses for Stark virtual gaming worlds. “Wow, Stevie, that's incredible. I'm roughly aware how to program it, it's going to be legendary!” "Of course you are, Buck, you're an ace in IT!" "That's right," Bucky grinned.

"What are you doing on your birthday?" “Jay has something in mind. It's a surprise ”- Oh, yes, _this city-planner_ was still existing… “Would you like to have lunch with us, Bucky?” "I'm not having the time, I have to do some maths, I've got a sandwich with me." Bucky had passed the Maths exam at the end of trial and was still in the class. Steve watched Bucky hurrying to the library regretfully and with drawn eyebrows. Bucky was always so rushed, so stressed and jittery. What was wrong with him?

In the evening Steve was on his way back after bringing Sharon home when his phone was ringing. It was already nearly eleven. Call from Bucky?

"Bucky?" "Stevie ... Help me ...", he barely understood him, his heart was racing. "Where _are_ you?" "Manhattan. ... There's a lot of blood, when the cops are noticing me, I'm done!” Bucky's voice was trembling. _For heaven's sake!_ “Bucky, send me your GPS signal! I'll be right there." It took a few long seconds, Steve was already turning, then he received the GPS data, fed it into his route planner and was racing downtown. He reached the spot at breakneck speed 35 minutes later and parked behind Bucky's pick-up. Thank God he was having such a small car. He could just make him out behind the fogged windows. He tapped on the window and the door was opened from the inside. Steve almost had a heart attack. Bucky was _covered_ in blood, his face smeared, his sweater messed up. He was pressing a crumpled piece of cloth to his forehead.

"Buck ..." Steve groaned. "Hey ..." "I'm taking you to the hospital." "That can't happen." " _What?_ What actually happened to you? Where's your boyfriend?" Bucky huffed out a sad snort that might have been a laugh, Steve wasn't able to say. He ran around the car and got in. He wanted to look at Bucky's injury with the cell phone lamp. When he gently pulled Bucky's hand, which was holding the smeared fabric ball, he winced gritting his teeth. An ugly laceration was gaping on his left eyebrow and still seeming to bleed a little, though far less violently than obviously before.

"You _have_ to go to the hospital, Bucky." "Steve ... I can't ... they'd realize that ... I was ...doing... _something_ ..." Bucky whispered. His friend was looking quizzical. „Ecstasy.“ Now Steve was staring at him like a stranger. His friend knew how Steve was feeling about drugs. "Are you helping me anyway, Stevie?" Bucky was sounding scared, small and vulnerable and Steve pulled himself together. They could be talking about _that_ later ... "Of course I'm helping you. But this has to be stitched up pretty surely. You're needing a doctor.” "Please just take me home and help me get a bandage on." "That's going to be a bad scar if it's healing like this." "And if so ... who cares." Bucky was not necessarily an _overly_ vain person, but Steve could hardly imagine that a scar in the middle of his face would not bother him. "Come on, you're not meaning that serious." The other just shrugged.

"What's actually happened?" Steve was looking Bucky in the face. He was avoiding his eyes. Steve sighed and then said, "Well, whatever you want. Come on, we're taking my car. I'm going to get you here tomorrow to pick up yours.” "Thanks, Stevie ..." his friend whispered. They were driving out of Manhattan in silence and when Steve took the street to the 'wrong' highway, Bucky noticed where they were going. "Why are you going to yours?" "My dad's having first-class bandages." "I don't know Steve, I don't want your brothers or parents to see me like that." Steve was pressing his teeth firmly together and jutted out his chin.

"Steve ...?" “I'm not taking you to the hospital exactly as _you_ wanted. How I _am_ helping you, you're leaving _that_ to me, understand?” Bucky had to smile a little. How bossy Steve sometimes could be ... "Yessir." At home, Steve put Bucky in a kitchen chair. He was looking horrible in the bright light. Blood in all the places, his skin ashen, a nasty bruise blooming on his cheekbone. "I'm getting dad." "Steve, _no_ ..." Bucky groaned.

“He'd trained as a first-aider when Mom was expecting me and he's going to revive regularly. He's perfectly knowing what to do. Because I have no idea.” "I don't want you to bother your parents now, in the middle of the night." At the door Steve turned around again: "Mom is on a business trip and Dad is probably still awake anyway", so he was out the door. Tony wasn't awake. When his son tugged at him gently, he jumped up and looked at the clock. Almost have past midnight.

"Steve! What's happened? Are you sick? Is there something about Thor or Loki?” Peter's baby monitor was silent. "Dad. Bucky is here, he's injured.” _Bucky?_ His father gave him a puzzled look, then peeled off his sheets, putting on sweatpants and a hoodie. He was assailing Steve with questions.

“How's Bucky getting here in the middle of the night? And what do you mean by _injured_? Does he need an ambulance?” “Dad, he's called me and I've picked him up downtown. Just come, have a look at it. I don't know what's happened myself.” In the kitchen, Tony sucked in a breath at Bucky's sight.

"G'd evening, Mr. Stark," the boy said weakly. "Why haven't you taken him to the hospital?" "That's not possible, Dad," Steve said firmly, looking at his father imploringly. He carefully examined Bucky's injury and when he was flashing into the boy's pupils with his cell phone lamp, he was understanding. He straightened up looking sharply at Steve. No, there was nothing of the sort to be seen about him. Bucky was sitting in the kitchen chair like a picture of misery and terribly ashamed.

“Steve, get the first aid kit from the workshop. Jarvis! Grant Mr Steve access to the workshop. ” "Very well, sir." Steve disappeared. "How has this happened?" Bucky was squirming uneasily not able to look Mr. Stark in the eye. "I've fallen against a wall, sir." "Falling pretty violently, I guess." Tony's eyes were piercing into Bucky's. He suddenly was feeling tears prickling and swallowed hard. Meanwhile, Tony had wet a tea towel and was cleaning the boy's smeared face. Then he wanted to help him take off the soaked sweater. Bucky flinched in pain and doubled over when he was raising his arms. The cause of this was an ugly bruise on the lower costal arch. Not on the side with the head injury.

"So you have _fallen_ ..." Tony stated dryly. He was examining Bucky's ribs carefully, but none of them did appear broken. "Please, Mr. Stark ..." "What? Are you expecting me to not want to know who ... ” when he heard his son come back he was falling silent. He took the kit from Steve and put it on the kitchen table.

"Steve, when you're standing next to me, leaning over me like a desk lamp and watching me, that's making me a little nervous." "Sorry Dad." “Go, get some clean clothes for Bucky. And take your time!” Steve was standing on the spot undecided for a moment, but then obediently toddled off. "So. What kinds of drugs were you doing?” he asked while preparing the bandages, disinfectant and a few towels and swabs. "Ecstasy." "Where have you gotten it from?" Bucky took a hissing breath, the disinfectant burned like hell. "From my boyfriend." “Your boyfriend then. And where has he been when you … have fallen?” Bucky couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore.

"I haven't deserved it any other way, Mr. Stark. This's gonna happen when you're playing games you're possibly not able to handle . If you're playing with fire, you'll burn your fingers, everyone's knowing. Why are you helping me _at all_?”, that just came out choked and hushed. “Ah, that's simple: You are in need of help so I'm helping you. I'm a _nice_ guy. Why's there a question about at all? It doesn't mean that I'm not having a word or two to tell to you once you're properly patched up. That has to be sutured. That's not going to be a walk, I've got nothing to aenesthetize.” Steve came back.

“Steve, you have to keep his head steady. Lie down on the dining table, Bucky.” "What are you going to do, dad?" “I'm drawing a pentagram and going to sacrifice him to demons. What are you thinking? I'm stitching up the crack in his head.” Steve had once seen his father stitching up a laceration of Thor's while camping in the middle of nowhere and nodded encouragingly to Bucky. He climbed onto the kitchen table, the rib bruise hurting like hell, while Mr. Stark and Steve were scrubbing their hands thoroughly with antiseptic soap. Then Tony put on magnifying glasses with a bright mini-lamp and some sterile gloves. His son took place at the narrow end of the table putting his hands on Bucky's head. _How soft his hair is ..._

Tony was giving Bucky a rolled-up towel to hold on to, rolled up another one to put it under his head, and then put the needle in place. Bucky's eyes were closed tight, the lamp was so blinding. His long eyelashes, beautiful and curved like those of a movie star, were standing out sharply against his pale skin. Tony looked up at Steve, his features were very soft, his eyes on Bucky dreamy and his mouth slightly open as if he was deeply in an awe. _Interesting_.

“Hold him tight, he's going to wince when I'm stitching in. He can hardly suppress that.” He took another deep breath murmuring, "I'm sorry, my boy, That's going to really be hurting." The needle broke the skin. Bucky let out a throaty cry and Steve was holding him with all his strengtht. Bucky's jaws were tightened, his teeth bared and he was gripping the tea towel so much his knuckles had turned completely white. But it was getting more and more bearable with every stitch. Mr Stark's steady hand was working efficiently and Steve's firm, warm grip gaving him security and was groundeing him. Five stitches had been enough. Tony put a sterile, waterproof bandaid over it and got an ointment for bruises and a bandage roll from the first help kit. Only now Steve did notice the ugly redness and swelling on Bucky's side.

"My God, how ..." "Please hold the compress, Steve," his father interrupted. He did as he was told. When Bucky was bandaged and wearing one of Steve's sweatshirts, Tony gave his son two bottles of water and some painkillers. "Make sure he's drinking enough." “Thank you, Mr. Stark. Really. I ...“ „We're talking tomorrow. I'm getting up in ... ", he looked at the clock," ... five hours with a hyperactive toddler. Peter isn't aware of weekends. ”


	33. A Mission for Tony and Natasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: mentioned domestic abuse/violence

**A Mission for Tony and Natasha**

In Steve's room, he insisted that Bucky would sleep in his bed and he would take the couch. Bucky secretly wondered if Steve was sleeping with Sharon in that bedding protesting weakly. "No argument 'bout that," Steve was so bossy again. Somehow Bucky liked it – when it was Steve. He took off his jeans laying down carefully, the bruised ribs were hurting like hell. The painkillers Mr Stark had given him weren't working yet. The bed was smelling lovely. Like Steve's shower gel and shampoo, like his deodorant and like Steve himself. Bucky sighed inaudibly. Steve put off the light after making himself comfortable on the couch. Then he said quietly into the dark:

"Tell me what's happened." Bucky hesitated, but Steve not being able to see him was helping. "I haven't been happy about my birthday present and then it's gotten a bit nasty." " _Jay's_ done that?" Steve's voice was horrified and something else ... disgusted? "I've wanted to ram my knee into his balls, but I haven't aim well, otherwise ... otherwise I would have been gone before ... He's caught some of my hair and crashed my head into the wall. I've been dizzy for a moment and falling on all fours when he's kicked me into the side. ”

"Bucky ..." Steve groaned in horror, "how have you gotten away?" “He's dragged me to the door and kicking me out. Luckily he's thrown my things after a few minutes later, otherwise it would have been really shitty.”, Bucky grunted half amused, half sad. "You have to report him," Steve said indignantly. Now his friend snorted derisively. “Because of a gay encounter that got out of hand? Where drugs were involved? That would go _so_ well for me ...“ The sounds from the couch were alarming Bucky. Steve was peeling out of his blankets and got up. Bucky hoped he wouldn't turn on the light. From the way the mattress shifted, he noticed that his friend was sitting down on the edge of the bed. In the dim light of Steve's digital alarm clock, he could see his eyes glimmering.

“I accept you don't want to hang out with me anymore. My new friends may not be to your liking or maybe it's a problem me attending classes completely different from yours. But you are still my best friend. You _always_ will be. And I'm hating not knowing what's going on in your life.” Bucky was silent for a long moment, swallowing hard. He took a few deep breaths.

"That's _not_ true. I _want_ to hang out with you. I _really_ want that. Doesn't have to be as often as in former times, you're now with ... Sharon and you're good friend with all of the others. But I _want_ to hang out with you again. Just like we've always done. Watching Star Wars and Disney movies, maybe with Peter, he still has to get to know them all. I _miss_ you." "Do you love him?" _Oh_! That came out of the blue. "Sorry, I haven't mean to hurt you," Steve said contritely now that Bucky seemed embarrassed to answer.

"I ..." Bucky started, his heart almost on his tongue when he noticed that Steve getting up. For some reason it took his courage away. “No. I don't love – _haven't_ loved him. I've been in love fore such a quite long time now with someone I can't have. I just haven't wanted to be lonely anymore, I've finally wanted to be loved myself. I've tried out the wrong one. I was so dumb! I've pretty quickly realized that I was just a cute little thing to play with for Jay. I own all of that to myself.” Steve was briefly silent on his part.

"Why do you think you can't have the one you love?" “He's just more into chicks. _Cocks_ are not his cup of tea.” "Bucky!" Giggling to himself, he knew how deep red Steve was getting. He knew him so well and he loved him so much ... "About your birthday present? What was it? If that's not too person... ” Bucky interrupted him. “It was from the sex shop and it's been huge and very repulsive. Jay is a kinky fucker. I'm not going tell any more about it." Steve got a little warm.

He was glad it was dark and Bucky couldn't see his bright red face. He now regretted no longer sitting on his bed, not feeling his closeness. Frustrated, he dropped onto the couch and was briefly thinking of Sharon, with whom he had gotten pretty steamy on this spot the same evening. And just now, less than a minute ago, he had thought that he wanted to know what Bucky and that experienced man might have done in bed. The _kinky fucker_ ... Steve swallowed and tried to force his sudden erection away.

"Stevie ... have I hurt your sense of shame? I'm sorry ...” Bucky whispered. _If only he'd know_ ... "No, Bucky, everything is fine. I'm just so outraged and angry at what he did to you.” Bucky said nothing. "Are you still hurting?" “No, for now. Your dad is just incredible.”, he was sounding dreamy. Steve frowned. _Oh. Oh no! That couldn't be true!_ It echoed in Steve's head: _"in love with someone I can't have"_ "Yes. He is, I suppose. Go to sleep now, Bucky. It's late." "Okay ... good night, Stevie." "G'night." Steve's last thought was that his bed would smell like Bucky tomorrow when would be laying in there. He woke up late the next morning with a wet stain in his pajama pants …

Around nine the next morning, the pains in his side were really bad again and Bucky took a painkiller. When it was finally having an effect a quarter of an hour later, he got up, quietly went to the couch and looked down at Steve, a faint smile playing around his lips. At that moment, Steve made a sound that hit Bucky's stomach, or rather a part way south in his body. Steve was rolling over onto his stomach and obviously was pressing the middle of his body into the cushion under him. Bucky's jaw dropped. He had to get out of here! Steve was having a wet dream and Bucky was hard right away. He literally fled to the in-suite bathroom hastily working on getting rid of the 'problem'. He was biting into his ball of the thumb to suppress his moans.

"Buck, are you in the bathroom?" Fortunately he was done. "Just a minute!" Peeing was always a bit difficult shortly after an orgasm, but he really needed to! "Everything okay? Are you doing well?" "Yeah, everything is fine, I just can't move that well, I hope the painkillers gonna help soon." "I'm just going to the bathroom downstairs, gonna meet in the kitchen, right?" Steve called, moving away from the bathroom door. When Steve was gone, Bucky could finally pee and when he came out of the bathroom there was a small pile of laundry, pajama bottoms and the T-shirt Steve had slept in in front of Steve's couch. Bucky was very tempted to touch the pants to see if ... but he held back at last and left the room.

Steve was at the dining table in the kitchen, and his father took scrambled eggs and bacon out of the oven. There was a basket of bread, plates, cutlery and juice on the table. Peter was sitting on the floor playing with a few action figures. The little boy looked up when Bucky came in and was on his feet immediately.

"Buggi!" The force the toddler hit him with when he literally jumped into his arms made Bucky groan painfully, but he took Peter on his arms anyway and smiled at him. "Peter! But you've grown quite a bit.“ „I'm a big boy. Buggi oudth?” He looked at Bucky's bandaid. "Yes, Pete. A villain's attacked me trying to prevent a train accident. He hasn't stood a chance, but he had a mighty swing.” “poor Buggi. Buggi is a hero. loog, Fhiday and Bider-man playin. ” The little boy pointed to the floor, where the black cat was outstretched relaxing on its stomachhaving a Spider-Man action figure sitting on its back.

Bucky laughed and let himself down on the floor with Peter, scratching Friday behind the ears, who was purring so loudly at that Bucky had to laugh again and Peter continued babbling merrily. Bucky gave him serious answers. Tony watched the two of them smiling. Steve also watched them and suddenly was seeing himself, older, maybe with a beard and Bucky and a small child sitting on a carpet with - a cat and maybe a dog and ... He shook his head in confusion. "I'm having to eat, Peter, I'm starving, okay?" "Buggi hath to ead." Peter pulled Friday onto his lap, the cat seeming happy with it and Bucky was released.

“Coffee, Bucky? Steve, hot chocolate?” Tony asked. "Oh yes, please, Mr. Stark." Steve, who didn't really like coffee, didn't want having hot chocolate like a child. "Coffee too, please, Dad." "Ookaay ..." his father drawled and started the coffee machine. He served breakfast to the boys while the coffee was brewed. "That's smelling all wonderful, sir, thank you so much." Steve looked sideways at Bucky and the admiring look Bucky gave his dad hit him hard ... _Oh no, it was real_ ...

“Peter's grown up so much. He's developping very well. You _have_ a knack for that, Mr. Stark. ” Tony grinned wryly. He always gladly accepted compliments for Peter. "Yes, isn't he? He's so smart and he's already knowing so much.” "No wonder, he's _your_ son." Steve frowned briefly, but quickly recovered. "How are you, Bucky, are you in pain?" Tony asked now. “Oh, it's working out, the painkillers are really helping and you have taken care of the injury on my eye so well, I hardly feel anything, not even the slightest twitch. You are _incredible_ , sir.” That left everyone speechless for a few seconds.

Then Bucky cleared his throat and asked, a bit too loud: "Where are Thor and Loki?" “They went hiking very early this morning with their friends: Nebula, Quill and Gamora. Princess Shuri's with them, too.” "Too bad ..." Bucky said quietly and continued with his breakfast. Tony was watching the boy out of the corner of his eye. The sudden admiration for himself was easy to explain. Injured people often fell in love with their doctors or nurses or at least were mistaking being grateful with being in love. That would be fading quickly and didn't have to worry him ... But there was more behind... The way Bucky attached himself to Peter, how much he was regretting that Thor and Loki weren't there ... and how he was keeping to try looking at Steve secretly ... For Bucky, the Starks seemed to be much more like a family than his own was. But anyway ... what has to be, that has to be, he thought ... When the boys had finished their breakfast, Tony asked his son to go play with Peter.

“I want to talk to Bucky. Alone." "Fhiday is toming, Thteeve." Steve looked from his father to his friend and took Peter's hand, who already had Friday in his arms. "Come on, Petey, let's build a brick tower taller than you!" "Taller than you, Thteeve!" Steve laughed. "Let's try, okay?" The two left the kitchen.

„Some more coffee, Bucky?" Tony asked gently. “Mr Stark, I want to apologize. I'm so sorry, I..“ „I've promised you this conversation last night. You're going to listen to me very carefully now” Mr Stark interrupted. Bucky closed his mouth with a soft pop. So that was where Steve's occasional bossy way came from. Well, Mrs. Stark must have thrown in a few chromosomes as well thinking about it.

"If you're giving any drugs to Steve, then - I swear to God - it'll be no fun. _At all._ " Bucky swallowed. Mr Stark was, even though he was casually hanging around at the kitchen table in casual clothes and, well, being relatively small by comparison, he _was_ very menacing and _was_ exuding power and influence. It wasn't really a miracle. He was Tony _fucking_ Stark, billionaire, visionary and owner of the most successful company in the world.

"I would never ..." Bucky stammered awkwardly. "You are of legal age, congratulations afterwards ...", he was interrupted, "... and I won't do a hell of a job to get you into trouble or in conflict with the law just because you are stupid and throwing your life away, getting involved with the wrong men, or thinking you have to go wild, boy. _No_ , I don't push people who are standing at the edge of abyss.” Tony was hurting in his soul to be so hard putting the Barnes boy to the test, but he also knew that only honest words would work. His handsome face was now as pale as one of a corpse, his light-blue eyes huge and he was pressing his lips together trying to look brave. Then he took a deep breath:

"Mr Stark, sir, I ..." And again Tony cut off his words: " _But_ if I'm ever catching you on my property with anything and _believe_ me, I will notice, than your butt is out of here faster than you can say 'amylhydride'.” Bucky turned bright red struggling with his tears. Tony's heart felt like tearing apart, but he _had_ to stay hard. “And if you're dragging Steve into anything, you won't be happy with your life ever again. Is that clear?" Bucky swallowed hard. "Yessir." “I am no longer nice and gentle and cool when someone in my family is in danger. And should you turn out to be one to any of them, I won't even let you anywhere near one of us in the slightest. Believe me, I have my methods.” "I understand, sir," Bucky whispered, eyes on his coffee mug.

"And since we're talking about my methods: What's the name of the man who did _this_ to you? Someone should tell him a few words, too, don't you think?" That sounded friendlier again and the boy dared to look up. Mr Stark still was scowling, but smiled a little again. "It was an accident ..." "Don't take me for a fool. That wasn't an accident. Otherwise he would have helped you. Or was he that high that he didn't even notice you _falling_ against that wall ... or how his foot was slipping?”, Tony got impatient again. “I don't want to know what you're doing between the sheets, don't worry. But this man'd given you drugs and did violence to you afterwards. I just _can't_ stand abuse.” Bucky looked at his mug again muttering.

"I was provoking him and I don't want to make him even more angry, Mr. Stark. I'm just fine with never having to see him again.” Tony frowned. There was more to it than that. "Bucky?" He raised his eyes, but his head was staying down. "Do you _love_ this man?" "Good God, no!" Tony sensed that was the truth. Then there was only one thing left ... "He has pictures of you." That was a statement, no question. The boy closed his eyes tormented. "And videos ..." Bucky whispered, cheeks red. _Oh, shit ..._ Tony dropped against the back of his chair rubbing his face.

"You have to meet him again." Bucky twitched up, startled. "I know. Don't worry, I'm about to be close to you and it's happening be in a neutral place, maybe a Starbucks or TexMex. Did he give you something expensive that you can give back?” Bucky blushed again making Tony asking for a hole in the ground he could sink into. He hoped the boy would tell him nothing about golden loveballs now. God, what had he done to be punished like this? But Bucky had only had to briefly think of the gift that he _had_ got last night. An offer to move in…

For Christmas, Jay had given him something really nice, a leather bracelet with white gold fittings. Had probably been reasonably expensive. He fished it out of his jeans pocket where he had put it in the evening before and showed it to Mr. Stark. He estimated the price at $ 250, but it seemed right to him. Exactly a thing that a hurt teen would give back to his ex-boyfriend after a breakup.

“I have to go to the workshop. Later I'm telling you how we get rid of the pictures and videos, I have to prepare all sorts of stuff for it. Go to Steve, I guess, he's still in the nursery with Peter.” "Don't you want me to leave now?" Tony raised his eyebrows. "Stick to the rules, Bucky, then I'm having no problem with you." "Yes, sir."

"Buggi!" “You're looking totally done! What has my father wanted from you? ” "He was giving me the appropriate amount of trouble and I'm – _yes_ – totally done." "Wha-at?" Steve called indignantly. Bucky sat down on the carpet with the two of them letting Peter show him how great he was at stacking his building bricks. Automatically playing with him he continued talking to Steve. “Oh, just leave it, Stevie. He is right. It _was_ pretty weird. What have you been expecting? A thank you for the nightly excitement?” Bucky laughed at his friend. Then hewas looking a bit dreamily again.

"Pretty bossy, your dad." _Just like you, Stevie ..._ He smiled pensively with butterflies in his stomach. Steve took that completely wrong, of course, but said nothing about it, of course not ... "Pete, do you want to see a movie?" He asked suddenly. “Movie with Buggi-Thdeeve!” Bucky and Steve looked at each other calling: "Disney-time!" And then Peter was introduced to his first Disney movie ever. His eldest brother and his best friend were argueing for a while, Peter was only two and a half after all, and then they decided on 'Robin Hood'.

In the workshop, Tony asked Jarvis to call Miss Romanov.

"Yes?"

“How is my favorite Russian ballet master doing today?”

"Tony, it's _Saturday_ , be brief."

"Tsas, when will you finally learn the subtleties of neat small talk, my dear?"

"If the whole world was as efficient as you Italians on the phone, it would not have turned for several years."

“And if everyone were as charming as you, I would crawl into my house and never get out again. Why so grumpy? ”

"Oh ... I wanted to go on a little trip with Bruce over the weekend but he's _too busy_."

“For me, that's a pretty good thing. If you are grumpy and have too much time on hand and _are_ bored, then you are so daring. I'm in need of a beautiful woman for a devilry and my wive is in Toronto. It's also more of a job for you. ”

"If you want me to be your girl rather than your wife, this devilry must be a little more spicy without a sexy touch though."

"Not in the least _sexy_ -spicy, just a little, let's say, _semi-legal_ spicy."

Tony could literally 'hear' the twinkle in her eyes when Nat answered, "I'm with you in 40 minutes."

Natasha stopped by in the living room on the way to Tony's workshop. Her old friend had been briefing her on the trip via audio chat about the 'mission' and she wanted to look at the Barnes boy beforehand in order to incite her already cold anger at his abusive ex-lover.

"Hey guys!" Steve and Bucky rose politely. "Aunt Nat!" "Miss Romanov." "Just sit back down, we're not in the military here." "Aundie Datha!" Peter ran to her and let himself be hugged. “Wadthing a movie with Buggi-Thdeeve. Hobin Hood!” Natasha smiled at the joint name the little one had given the 'Siamese twins'. She stole a glance at Bucky. The entire left side of his face was bluish, the sterile bandaid standing out sharply. The boy was pale under the bruises with deep shadows under his eyes. Yep, her outrage _was_ pushed. “Well then, keep watching. I need to talk to your daddy. ” "Aundie Dasha is going Daddy worgthop." "Then I'll go find him in the workshop," she replied gently putting back to his feet.

"Hey Nat!" "Tony." They kissed on the cheek. "The little one looks like run over by a truck." "Terrible, isn't it?" “And you really just want the data? Hasn't the bastard deserved a rubdown? ” “Everything one after the other. The data must be secure first. ” "But we aren't getting to see any of it in the action, are we?", Nat was playing with the strap of her handbag. “Natasha Romanov, what's with that question? Of course not!" "Pietro and Wanda are talking about him sometimes, you know, they'd be happy about some input.", She winked. Tony looked at her speechless. Then Nat laughed out loud.

“I can always get you! I'm guaranteed to be the only one who can do this! Except maybe Pep, but she's to easily destracted by you.” "That's only because I'm always expecting the worst from you." “Pah, that's just actiong from my part. It's a lot of fun with you, it's easy shocking you. ” “Yes, of course. Because you're married to the toughest guy on the eastern coast.” Nat's eyes darkened a bit. "In any case, he's given me a pretty tough brush-off for a romantic weekend in Boston."

"Everything ... _cool_ with the two of you?" Tony asked casually. "You're still expressing yourself like a 15 year old!", She laughed, "yes, everything ... _cool._ I've just been feeling a bit neglected in the bedroom lately. But I'd better talk to Pepper about that when she's back from Toronto. She's sure understanding. ”, She grinned cheekily. "You two are devils!" "You and Bruce do love it." That was a statement and only too true. Then she let Tony show her the chip for which the Russian secret service would pay a fortune ...

Some twenty minutes later Robin Hood was over and Tony stuck his head into the living room. "Steve! Can you take care of Peter for two or three hours? In Aunt Nat's school, a bug is causing mischief in the air circulator's operating system. And Bucky? Your car is in the city, I can drop you there! ” Bucky got up immediately. “Oh yes, Mr. Stark. Thank you Sir!" Steve could barely stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked with their goodbye instead. “Homework, haven't even started. Seeing you on Monday at school.“ Steve was a little disappointed, then remembered that he was going to meet Sharon anyway and he blushed a little. He hadn't thought of her for a second today …

Bucky was in the back of the Audi. There was a bit little space, but okay. Mr Stark and Miss Romanov were telling him how to do it. First he had to persuade Jay meeting him again in a Starbucks or something. "What if he doesn't want to see me?" "Then you have to make him feel guilty or flattering him a bit!" Said Natasha. "Your preferred method?" "An effective method." Bucky grinned at the two adults in the front seats. They were behaving like spies and clearly enjoying what they were calling the 'mission'. Bucky texted Jay.

“Can I see you again? I'm sorry about how it went. I really want to say goodbye. Is this okay?" He showed the message to Miss Romanov before sending it. "Not bad, the boy is talented, Tony!" Jay's answer came immediately. “I'm also contrite. Has been really stupid, especially on your birthday. A cup of coffee? And we can only be talking about literature. ;-) ”

"Bastard ..." Bucky snapped, "sorry ma'am." "Tell me, Tony, are the all of the kids at your boys' fancy school having the code of conduct and manners in advynced classes, or what?" Then she turned. “The guy _is_ a bastard, right from the books, have you even looked in the mirror today? Bastard. And you are welcome to say it again and even louder if you want to. _Bastard_. It's easy, go on!” Bucky grinned: " _Bastard_!" "There you are."

"Give Bucky the StarkPhoneX." Natasha frowned. "He can handle them excellently, don't worry." Then Tony was explaining how he to copy the complete data and the operating system from his cell phone to the guest StarkPhone via Bluetooth. Later he would be able to completely undo it without leaving a trace on the Stark device. When the data transfer was complete, Natasha handed Bucky a small box. Inside it was a lens-sized chip and small tweezers. Bucky had to stick it on his SIM card

"Take the tweezers, the chip is sensitive to the humid film on your skin," said Tony. "And what exactly is it doing, Mr Stark?" “When you're having coffee and a sophisticated conversation, I'm getting into your neighbor's cell phone, gonna hack me into his cloud data with StarkPad1, place the order to delete it and then the chip's destroying all data on all devices within a radius of 1.5 meters and all devices synchronized to them ... worldwide. You still have to deactivate the synchros on your phone, otherwise your computer or laptop at home will be empty afterwards. ” Bucky dropped his jaw staring at the back of Mr Stark's head. That was advanced espionage technology! He did as he was told.

“Stark technology I'm not selling.” "Yes, unfortunately ...", Natasha interjected. "And what role are you playing, Miss Romanov?" "I'm sitting opposite Mr. Stark, who is playing with his tablet instead of flirting with the beautiful woman at his table - what an idiot ...", she winked at Bucky. His grin returned. He _liked_ that woman.

“Then I'm letting my eyes wandering around to discover another man at a table I can watch. Someone has to keep an eye on the guy when you're talking to him. And if necessary, I'm intervening. If something is no longer smooth. And if you need help, if you're feeling uncomfortable or in panic, wanting to stop for some reason, I'm gonna notice. We are there and can intervene at any time. Count on it." "Yes, ma'am, thank you."

"I can also listen in if that's okay with you." She held out a bug. "May be even safer, but only if you aren't feeling uncomfortable." Bucky considered for a moment. "No, it's okay, just bug me, ma'am." Natasha laughed softly and put the bug in Bucky's pocket and the inconspicuous skin-colored receiver in her ear.

They soon arrived in downtown going to a parking garage near the Starbucks. It was not very busy around lunchtime. Starbucks was not a place for lunch, so they would all be able to take good seats for their plans. They were there a little early so that they had the advantage over Jay of choosing where to have their tables. In the car, Bucky was looking in the mirror again.

"Urgh, I'm looking terrible." "Fine, then he's gonna have a bad conscience!" Natasha called out, patting him on the shoulder encouragingly. "Sit down at a table as discussed and Tony and I are there shortly afterwards." Tony nodded to him and Bucky bravely set off. At a carefully selected table, he immersed himself in his phone and did his best to ignore the prying eyes that were cast over his battered face. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mr. Stark and Miss Romanov, five minutes later, choosing an equally strategic table skilfully ignoring him.

Then Jay entered the cafe, looking around, and headed for Bucky's table. His heart was racing and his hands were shaking. The gruesome moments of the last night played back in his head in a flash. His fear, his panic and this helplessness. And the pain, the blinding pain ... He was pale as chalk, with huge eyes, teeth buried in the lower lip overall making an enormous impact. "Oh, Bucky ... I'm so sorry. Baby, I'm not knowing how to make it up to you. ”, Sighing, Jay dropped into the armchair opposite him. Bucky put his phone on the table with measured movements and said quietly:

"I don't know why I've come at all, why I've wanted to see you again ...", then he bowed his head looking at the other through his long eyelashes. Jay looked back at him contrite. _Shit_ , what kind of crap he had done there. The boy was so unique and he'd almost screwed up ... He _had_ to win him back.

Natasha whispered at the other table: “The little one is a natural. The guy is like wax in his hands. ” Tony just grunted. In contrast, getting Steve to wax in his hands seemingly was a Herculean task …

“Baby, There's your spring break soon. Please, give me another chance. Let me take you somewhere where it's romantic and beautiful. I've made a terrible mistake. You know I'm always so stressed about ...” “The construction site? ”Bucky interrupted coldly.

"Wow," Nat whispered. "He's ice-cold."

Jay got out his phone. “I'm seeing where you can book a nice hotel room. How would you like Martinique?” If Jay would put his phone on the table, the distance to the chip would be ideal. Before, it was just too unsafe with the range.

"You still have to work on the range, Tony." "Forget it, I'm not selling to the Russian secret service anyway." Natasha grinned.

"Martinique? _French_ so?” Bucky asked in a flirtatious tone. That was making his counterpart push his head up dropping his phone a bit. Natasha was impressed. There was a master flirt in action. "Bucky ...", the bastard's voice sounding thick. He slowly put his phone down on the table and breathed, "You're doing _french_ so well."

"Now, Tony," Natasha hissed barely audibly. Tony's fingers started immediately racing across the tablet.

"I've had a good teacher."

Nat could hardly believe her own eyes and ears. Bucky's voice and words were pure promise and the man she was watching unobtrusively was a piece of shit that was suddenly completely horny. She was grinning contentedly. If she told Pietro about it tomorrow, he would seriously fall in love with Bucky just by hearing the story.

“You are a natural. And now I'd love to immediately ...” A strange sound from their cell phones on the table interrupted Jay suddenly. It was a bit sounding like a very heavy man stepping on a soft organ.

"Not bad, Tony!" "Hey, who are you doing mischief with?" Natasha laughed.

Bucky immediately knew what the noise meant, put his - now completely dead - phone back in his pocket, taking off the leather bracelet and threw it on the table in front of his ex. "I do not want that anymore. Any of that.” With that he got up walking out of the Starbucks with dignity. Jay watched him go, startled.

Natasha sighed: “And of all times today Bruce's working overtime. I think I have to change my panties.” "The boy is only 18 and gay!" "Yes ... World's a happy place for men." Tony snorted.

When the three met again at the car, Bucky needed another pain killer, the tension had aggravated the pain in his ribs. His hands trembled and his lips were pressed together in a thin line.

"You can't drive," Tony said. "Nat, you're getting him and his car home and I'm following you." Bucky wanted to protest, but was unable to match his 'partners-in-crime'. Once at the Pick-Up, Natasha pursed her lips. “I won't be driving this thing in a hundred years. No offense, boy, but your ... car isn't matching my shoes. Your job, Tony, give me your car keys.” Bucky giggled to himself. The lady _had_ some class! Tony's mouth was open. Without a word, he handed her the keys to the sports car climbing behind the wheel of the Pick-Up. He had to move the seat a good way, Bucky was having legs like a giraffe! The first few miles were silent. Then:

“What are you telling your father? Won't he be wondering why you haven't ask him for help? ” Bucky let out a strange noise next to him. Tony looked over at him and Bucky hurried to answer, "Dad's in Washington for a few days." "You are alone quite often." That was not a question. "I don't mind ..." he didn't add "on the contrary", but it was in the room. Tony kept his thoughts to himself.

“Well, you still have to tell him something when he's coming back. It's not gonna heal so quickly. ” "I'm sure, I'm gonna figure out something." "Yes, I can imagine." Bucky wasn't sure what Mr Stark meant by that and said nothing. "Don't forget to transfer your data back to your phone." Mr. Stark's Messenger Bag was on the bench between them. "And remove the chip from your SIM card."

Bucky got down to work. Then he took a deep breath. "Mr, Stark, I don't know how to tell you, so ... I am indebted to you. No, please let me finish, sir!” Bucky swallowed. "I promise you, I won't let Stevie ...", he hesitated, clearing his throat, "well, Steve will never come into contact with ... anything. Only over my dead body." “It's a pretty big responsibility that you want to put on yourself. Steve is almost an adult and he can be very stubborn. You can't know what he'd possibly get into.“

“Steve is on a fantastic way. He's good at school, having great friends ... ", he swallowed," ... and Sharon ... and if the best thing that can happen to him is that I get out of his perfect life, then ...” “Woah woah woah, come off it! How dramatic! You could almost be a Stark! And are you thinking Steve's gonna make it easy for you to disappear from his life? Like I've said, he's very stubborn.” Bucky was silent and Tony left him alone.

They were almost there now. Tony could see in the rearview mirror that Natasha was annoyed about having to be behind him at such a snail's pace in his sports car. Well, she would surely let him pay for it, as always. He grinned to himself. Natasha stopped at the driveway to the Barnes house and turned when Tony got up there.

“Lie down and rest. Stay hydrated and follow the package leaflet of the pain killers. Do you have something to eat in the house?” "Yes sir and thank you again ..." "You can leave the bandaid on for a week, then I want to look at it again, all right?" "I can go to the doctor ... you're always having so much to do, sir." "What do you want to tell the doctor, who first treated the wound and why?" Mr Stark was right. Bucky went to the house with his shoulders drooping. At the door he remembered something:

“My most thankful greetings to Miss Romanov, Mr. Stark!” Tony tapped his temple with two fingers and went down to Natasha. She let the driver's window down.

"Vehicle documents and driver's license, miss." "But officer, you cops aren't too strict on pretty girls, are you?" "Get out." "Suddenly porn.", Natasha was grinning. “How underserved are you actually? Pull yourself together!” Tony laughed mockingly. Natasha pouted. “Oh, come on, let me go back and let the baby out of top speed here. I just want to have a little more fun today.” "What can I say? My wife has been on a business trip for a week! Your dear husband's coming back every night after all.” “And dead tired so every time. I shouldn't have married an old man.” Tony knew she was just joking. "You can complain about to Pep, Tuesday she's gonna be back." "Yes, she's knowing the problem."

Tony, who had meanwhile got on the passenger's side rolled his eyes in his inimitable way. „Come on, go get yourself a ticket.“ "Pfff if the cops're stopping me, I'm gonna show you how we pretty girls're worming our way out of it!" Tony's eyes glittered maliciously. "You're not 25 anymore, you'd better have your old husband's golden credit card ready." "Touché!" Natasha laughed. She could take it. Sometimes it _was_ Tony winning the exchange of blows - but rarely so.

“What are you going to do about the boy? I have never seen anyone reminding me more me of a puppy waiting for the rolled up newspaper.” She asked Tony on the way home. _You haven't know me at that age either_ , he thought. 

“I don't know, maybe a bit of a healthy distance. Also between him and Steve...” Natasha looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "Eyes on the street, Nat." She obeyed. "But you can't just drop the boy!" “There is no question of that. But someone has to help him grow up. Otherwise he will hang on like a battered puppy to the first best ones who are a little nice to him all his life. ” Natasha was chewing on her lower lip. Tony said:

"The boy is in an urgent need of a self-confidence boost." Natasha laughed. "Seriously? With that face?” "Where's it taken him ..." Tony sighed. "You're right, sorry." “I have an idea, but I'm still having to think about it. Would you mind taking Steve and Peter out to dinner? Burgers are fine, I'm paying.”

"Having nothing against this charming company and Bruce can make his own dinner afterwards." It was Saturday and she wasn't expecting the twins at home - not on a Saturday evening. She would also love learning Steve's take on the Barnes' story. And at the end of the evening, she was convinced that Steve and Bucky's story would end in a century romance. It was only a matter of time, she thought.


	34. Bucky's Getting a new Schedule

**Bucky is Getting a new Schedule**

Major Barnes had bought the lie that a few hooligans at the youth club had beaen up the gay with quite some relish. "I've told you again and again that something like this would happen!" _Yadada yadada_ ... At the end of the week, Bucky went to the Starks to have his wound checked on, as he had promised Tony. He carefully removed the bandaid, everything looked fine and was healing well. He stuck a smaller one to it. He was ignoring the fact that Buckywas looking at him all the time as if he had personally hung the moon.

“I noticed how skillful you are with my technology. In fact I've been aware of this for years now. ” Bucky was blushing with the praise. "Thanks sir." “Do you want to do something like that for a living?” “I want to get a master's in mechanical engineering and open a car repair shop in the city. Fixing stuff is my thing. Steve has been giving me all sorts of devices that he and his brothers were wearing out for a long time and I've been tinkering with them. I'll get most of it back to working, Mr. Stark” he told proudly.

"You want to be a _mechanic_?" "That's what you can call it, yes, Mr. Stark." He was holding back the 'like you' that was on his tongue. He had to hide his boy crush from Mr Stark at all costs, he thought. What would he think of him! "I have an offer for you, Bucky." Bucky parted his lips slightly and was hanging on Tony's lips. "Yes, Mr. Stark?" sounding a little breathless, but maybe Mr. Stark hadn't observed. Anyway, he kept talking, as if he wouldn't have noticed anything. _Phew_.

“Would you like to do an internship at Stark Industries two days a week after school? For example in the repair shop?” Buckys was speechless. This had to be a dream! "Yes, a thousand times yes, sir!", he then called exuberantly, with an instant regret about sounding like a damsel at her long-awaited proposal and was blushing again. "I mean: Thank you for this unique offer and this great opportunity," he said formally. Tony put a friendly hand on his shoulder.

“Then that's settled. But when I'm finding out you're neglecting school, it's over, are we clear? ” "Yessir." Bucky grinned luckily again looking more like he had before the 'Florence-Nightingale-incident'. This adoration could be getting pretty unnerving, Tony thought, who was beginning to feel like the legendary nurse with whom all soldiers in the hospital had been falling in love in London during World War II.

Pepper had been told that Tony had stitched up Bucky last weekend when he crashed in the skateboard park at an advanced hour and didn't want to get into trouble because of the late hour. Better not mentioning the older violent lover and the drugs. Bucky hadn't felt very comfortable lying to Mrs Stark, but the alternative was even more horrifying. A story about sex, drugs and violence ... Bucky would rather have died.

The doe eyes he'd given her husband ever since had been less of a secret. Rather, what Tony was downplaying as a boy crush of a thankful injured patient while she reminded that Bucky had been getting really daring, cocky, and sometimes even flirty with _Mr Stark, sir_ , for almost two years now. That didn't have to make her nervous, that wasn't the point. But she was very happy for the boy that he was having so much less time than before, in addition to school and internship. The time she'd been in love with Tony thinking she couldn't have him, she had been so miserable, she didn't wish _anyone_ this. Well, _maybe_ some woman. In fact, literally every woman who only so little as glanced at her husband. But not Bucky Barnes. No, not the nice boy. She was keeping all of it to herself.

Tony had written a lengthy email to Dr Strange detailing what had happened to the Barnes boy and what he had done. Namely, giving him something to do that gave him a little more of an independant life and a sense in it. Dr Strange praised him - “ _pedagogically flawless measure, Mr. Stark_ ”. He had been developping an idea for how he could support Bucky in everyday school life and informed Tony about it. Bucky was asked to come to the headmaster's office on Wednesday after school.

"What? Why is that? ”, The note was given to him in the break before their last class, Science. He had shown it to his best friend. Bucky was looking at Steve helplessly and shrugged his shoulders. Sam now attemded advanced Science class and Steve and Bucky were sitting together. "Maybe someone has set you up for something?" "Its possible." But neither of them were able to figure out who that should be.

"Anyway, I haven't gotten anyone pregnant," Bucky grinned, pulling his books out of his backpack. Steve laughed out loud. Professor Henderson entered the room. He pushed a laboratory cart in front of him. Great. Experiments used to smash in the most spectacular way! After class, Bucky dashed into one of the washrooms, freshening up his deodorant and combing his messy mob. The bruises on the face were only yellowish shadows now but still clearly visible. _Great._..

"Good afternoon, Dr Strange, sir." After knocking on the door and asked to come in, he was standing shyly in the open door. Dr Strange, their unapproachable headmaster, had an as all butterflies effect on Bucky as Mr. Stark. Another man he could easily be developping a daddy kink for, with a little encouragement. He swallowed and quickly forced himself thinking of something else. Maths. Maths always was working well.

"Come on in, James and sit down," Dr Strange said kindly, even smiling a little bit. He closed the door behind him and lowered on the front edge of one of the two visitors' chairs. "Have you had a good day in school?" “Uh, yes sir. Very good, thanks, really good. And you?" Bucky blushed, how embarrassing, all of the stammering ... And Sanctuary High was an elite school, for sure! "I cannot complain either, James."

Then he pushed a few papers back and forth, only Bucky didn't know that this was Dr Strange's beginning of the actual conversation and nervous as he was he started babbling. “I've had mashed potatoes in the cafeteria for lunch and those small English sausages. There are European weeks there right now, but I don't suppose you're going to the cafeteria for lunch....sir.”, his chatter was dying away. Dr Strange was looking at him in amazement.

“Can you recommend that to me? European weeks is sounding interesting. ”, He raised the corners of his mouth a little and the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes became a little deeper. Bucky went pale and couldn't get out a word. “James, relax. You're not in trouble. Or are you? Then you better tell me right away.” Bucky was feeling like a twelve-year-old and smiled wryly. "I'm not aware of any guilt, Dr Strange." Then he tried to relax a bit by trying on some joke:

"I haven't gotten anyone pregnant!" Steve had thought that to be hilarious just a mere hour ago. The headmaster didn't show a face, just was studying the features of his student. No traces of any drug use. Well-healing bruises, clear eyes, well-supplied lips, healthy color. The doctor inside told him: Clean. He was smiling properly now and Bucky would have gotten weak knees from that if he were standing. The other effect it had was that he finally really relaxed.

“Dr Strange, I beg your pardon. I've been making a complete idiot out of me. Can I get out and come back in again? Pretending that the mashed potatoes and the pregnant lines never happened? ” Now Dr Strange laughed softly. "This joke was better, my boy." Bucky was smiling in relief, the ice was broken. The headmaster folded his hands in front of him on the table and Bucky sat down a little more comfortably in the visitor's chair.

“I have decided to hold a career interview with a few selected junior high students this year. In the past years, this was ever only done in senior year and I think that is too late. After all, the summer holidays are a great opportunity for all of you to get a bit of hands-on experience, trying something out that is interesting you, maybe take trial courses at Community College.” Bucky was clearing his throat hoarsely. "Pardon? Do you want a glass of water? 

“I'm sorry, sir, I'm interrupting, but I'm dying a thousand deaths right now because of the term 'selected students'. Am I going to fail anywhere? Is this conversation a friendly way of telling me 'Give up, rather find yourself a job at the docks'?” Bucky won't be allowed to repeat the year, which was only intended once per school career, except for compelling reasons such as long illness. He was stricken with sudden fear, his heart was in his mouth. Without a high school diploma, you were right down at the bottom. Then there was only ... the army, not to be a college student but a simple soldier - or the other option: being a stripper. He was biting his tongue before saying anything about strippers. Dr Strange was shaking his head and smiled reassuringly.

“Why do you think you could be failing somewhere? You do know your grades. What have you thought you possibly could fail in? ” "Sp-Sports Sciences?" Bucky asked shakily. You only could fail in Sports if you were skipping every other class. "There is not a single miss in your absence list." That was true ... "James ..." " _Bucky,_ " he slipped automatically, blushing again. Gee! “All right then, _Bucky_. 'Selected students' means students who are gifted. I don't believe in the concept of highlighting weaknesses. Rather, it is about finding out where someone is good at, maybe outstanding or even unique.” Bucky was looking at the headmaster with wide eyes and hardly believing his ears. _Him?_ Gifted? Unique? Dr Strange picked up a sheet of paper.

“I'm seeing here that you are getting very good grades in IT and Technology. One of the top five in class, potential to get to the top, Professor van Dyne says. Do you want to graduate in computer science after school?” “Uh, no, sir. That's too theoretical for me.” “You are top of the year in Drama, Media and Event Planning.” _WHAT?_ Bucky was stunned.

“I have introduced a new grading system for this class. It is nonsense to let only one person judge what you students are doing at this, with all due respect and appreciation for Mrs Jones. That is why I'm sending all your works and video recordings to artists' associations in all fields and have them evaluated all of it. Your works are praised the most.” The headmaster smiled warmly at the boy's proud confusion.

"Are you going for a career on stage, Bucky?" The word _stripper_ came back to him briefly and he was suppressing a grin. "Because I am convinced that you could get a scholarship in the city with your achievements." A scholarship! The solution to all of his future worries. Independence from his father. Studying in New York, an apartment with Steve in Brooklyn! But a career in this glittering glamoury flittery environment full of jealousy and envy and malevolence was not what he was seeing for himself ... "No sir, I'm not." He was straightening up.

"I 'm planning on getting my a masters degree in mechanical engineering." "Mechanical engineering?" Dr Strange seemed surprised. "I want to fix things, my own car repair shop. I've been dreaming of this for years, sir." "You are very committed to your career choice." "Yes sir, I guess so." “This is unfortunate, because every degree in engineering requires top grades in Maths, at least if you are heading for a scholarship. Unfortunately, Maths is your least successful advanced class.” "I know Dr Strange." Bucky was sounding and looking miserable.

“Well, not every college or university has horrendous tuition fees. With determination, you can work your way up in the smaller institutions in our country. A reasonable student loan, not for a degree here in New York, where life is exorbitantly expensive, but maybe in Indiana or even Alaska. The college places in the affordable ones are of course very demanded.” Leaving New York? Leaving Steve behind? There was a searing pain in Bucky's stomach at the thought. Dr Strange noticed that his student was completely somewhere else mentally.

"Bucky!" He looked up, startled. "It is not a nice thought leaving home, leaving loved ones behind ... I know." Was this man a mind reader? “There are also small, affordable universities here in New York, which have a long list of applicants, but sometimes are considering students with commitment and a curricula that deviate from the usual. Even with not _that_ outstanding Maths grades.” "What can I do about that, sir?" Bucky asked eagerly, suddenly very lively and interested again.

“As top of the year in Drama, I want you to take on a special project. Development, management, organization and implementation is up to you completely. This will be hard work but you can use it to acquire a certificate that's highlighting your skills. That would be very beneficial for a college scholarship application.” “Really, sir? What kind of project?" “I was thinking of improvisation theater. Across classes for junior grade. You're having a week to present me a concept. Get to work.” Dr Strange smiled broadly. Bucky was completely perplexed and a little bit in love now, that was happening quite too often recently. "I don't know how I ..."

"Amaze me, James _Bucky_ Barnes." He was feeling dismissed. "Thank you sir and ... simply thank you." Bucky stammered and left the headmaster's office feeling like he was floating. Dr Strange had watched him pensively. That went well. He was writing an email to Mr Stark. “ _You are the Doc, Doc. Good job!_ ” was his answer. Stephen Strange smiled. He just liked Tony Stark

*

From the start, Bucky was as busy as a bee. Homework, the Stark Industries internship and the development of an improv theater project, all of which was keeping him out of breath. And the latter turned out to be a great thing. He submitted a presentation to the headmaster and was given the go-ahead.

Steve had seen and heard nothing from him outside of school for two weeks, zero, nada, and was getting a little bad-tempered. He and Sharon had a vigorous fight over an insignificant thing, he got Sam upset because he accidentally deleted an important group work on his laptop, he hurt his mother with a harsh reply, he made Peter cry because he was so unwelcoming, at least he was immediately regretting this and soothing him lovingly. Friday scratched his calf badly the same day, the kitten was about to avenge her 'master' obviously. And last but not least, he was having a heated debate about 'security' and 'surveillance' with his father for days.

Steve was a fanatic of freedom, while Tony fundamentally distrusted people, especially the privileged, those who were superior to others and those who had the say. 'Abuse of power' was a recurring theme. While Steve placed the freedom of the individual above everything else, his father was thinking regulating mechanisms were essential. At the end of the first week Pepper had had eonugh of it at the dinner table and she was laying down the law. No more politics during family meals. Her husband and son were complying of course. But the resentment was keeping smoldering ...

Steve had sent dozens of messages to Bucky all the time. But he didn't want to be distracted, he knew if he gave in, he would be spending hours thinking about what to write, they would be chatting until late in the night... And he had this one goal: he wanted to live and go to college in New York with Steve. Even if he would always have his girlfriend with him or, if that didn't hold up, a different one ... no matter, they could be together. The main thing was that they would be together and Steve would be his best friend ... Because the alternative was just _shit_. Going to the the army. In Tennesse, far from Steve. Major Barnes' future plans for his son ("Engineers are always needed in the infantry!") …

*

Both Tony's and Dr Strage's plans, however, would show some weak points in the process.

The Stark Industries internship was supposed to the interns meeting with the chief engineer, Tony of course, once every two weeks to present and for discussing their work. Bucky was seeming to live for these dates. His 'boy crush' persisted and since Tony had been overwhelmed and annoyed after the second demonstration of Bucky's exuberant admiration, he was setting these dates on a Friday evening dinner with the family. However, that hadn't stopped Bucky from swooning over his 'boss' and neither Steve nor Pepper were very enthusiastic. The latter was keeping cool and a stiff upper lip excellently. The former was inwardly raging. But neither said a word about it. Pepper still didn't see the boy as a danger of course (she just worried about his salvation) and Steve was planning on coming up with a different strategy ...

Bucky's improv theater project was asking all junior high students to submit anonymous scenarios for short theater acts. Bucky should choose the most promising, delegate the class's tasks for the implementation and only at the very last moment, mere seconds before the performance on stage, the main actor and creator of the scene would reveal themself. Steve was submitting scene after scene and racking his brains over how he could arouse Bucky's interest and at the same time win him over as the second main character for an act. But he was just so uncreative and was never chosen. After the Friday evening dinners, Bucky sometimes was staying at the Starks' and when Peter had been not a tiny bit tired, his parents allowed him to watch a Disney movie with Steve and Bucky (Buggi-Thteeve). They had a great time each time.

*

Steve was having lunch with Sharon, Sam, T'challa and Shuri at a table just before spring break. The fingers of one hand were laced with his girlfriend's, but his eyes were wandering erratically around the cafeteria. When he saw Bucky coming in, he jumped to his feet, suddenly let go of Sharon's hand, and waved excitedly. "Bucky!" His call was very loud. His friend approached the table.

"Hey gals and guys." Everyone was greeting him warmly. "Just make some space for him!" Steve commanded so Bucky could sit down. He almost never was having the school lunch but had sandwiches and fruits with him. He squeezed in between Shuri and T'Challa and asked: "Well, princess, have you already been singing today and attracting the forest's animals?" "I don't have to, because now I've got some quite strange animal next to me.", the African said back cheekily.

"Plum?" Bucky replied, holding out one of the purple fruits. "What are you seeing in those nasty things, way too sour!" Shuri called. He just laughed and was eating the scorned plum himself. "I've got news," T'Challa said. "We're extending our American school education for a year." That gave a big hello. Everyone had thought the prince and his sister would return to Wakanda after the school year. Everyone was happy. Bucky asked Shuri quietly:

"Wouldn't you prefer to go back home?" He knew Shuri was homesick sometimes, after all she was only 15. The girl was smiling at him. “I'm with Maman and Papá for ten weeks in summer, but it's just fantastic here! Minus your plums.” "Barbarian." Shuri laughed.

“Hey! Anyone of you has seen Cars 3?” Steve called. Nobody confirmed. Bucky was grinning, they were watching the Cars movies with Peter and pushing model cars around on a toy map carpet with him at the weekend. “There's this scene with the huge arena. A car race.” “Don't you say, _Cars,_ dude!" Sam interjected. Everyone was laughing except Steve.

"Listen! It's looking like millions of cars sitting in the stands. Gigantic! And then ... ”, he had to laugh. "And then ... Bucky, keep going." He was obeying: “Well, we've asked ourselves why there was this huge arena with probably all the cars in the world and we've realized: Car racing is the only sports cars can do. I mean, imagine cars playing football!” And he and Steve burst out laughing again, practically shooking and barely being able to getting it back.

“Or gymnastics! Or just imagine cars doing horse riding!” Steve was literally snorting with laughter. Everyone but the two of them at the table got motionless, just staring at them. It was always like that. When Steve and Bucky were together, they were like a world on its own. One was completing the other's sentences. One said only one word and the other laughed out loud and then was telling a funny story that no one else understood. And sometimes they got along without words, looking at each other and giggling like hyenas, leaving their group unwise.

"Unfinished!" "So-to-speak naked!" was the next exchange, which no one was understanding but what was setting the two friends into another fit of laughter. Sharon suddenly got up: “I have to hurry, I want to overlook my Science homework once again.” Sam was joining. "Good idea!"

There was an awkward silence following. The two of them headed for the exit. Shuri asked, "Bucky, are you sending me this film? Sounding funny." “Oh, it's probably not as funny as it's sounding. Nice that you're staying another year, by the way, princess. ”, He really liked the somewhat snappish girl. "Oh, God!" She cried out, "I've forgotten my Englich books in the locker!", So Shuri rushed away. T'Challa was joining her with a wink, "I have her locker key." Steve and Bucky suddenly found themselves all alone together.

“Nobody's seen Cars 3” "A shame, the film is brutally funny." "Your theater project's detonating like a bomb, good job!" "Submit an idea." "Oh, I do not know. I'm not that creative. ” "Give yourself a chance, Stevie ..." Bucky's voice was deep and very low. Steve of course was understanding him, ears pricked, anyway. Steve was swallowing and said nothing. Bucky was looking at him for a long time, his expression unreadable. Then: “I have to go. Think about it!" Steve looked after his friend cursing his lack of ideas. But he would think of something. He _had_ to think of something!

*

A week later, Bucky was coming to school with his new motorbike. He was wearing worn leather pants and jacket, heavy motorcycle boots, a washed-out tank top and a checked neckerchief. His hair was shuffled by the helmet, and he was a daring sight when he came into the science room in the morning. All heads turned as he was rising to the back row where Steve was sitting. He was always being in classes he had with Buck as early as possible so that he could decide where they would be sitting. In the back they sometimes could be whispering together without being noticed. Especially with their absent-minded Science professor Henderson.

"I can't wait to see your bike." "I've texted you I'm riding it today, why haven't you stayed outside?" “Show me during break. How many pages have you spun a tale about cytokinesis?” The essay had been their homework, and Professor Henderson had spoken of at least eight pages he was expecting. "I've messed up nine and you?" "More than ten" "Nerd!" Steve kicked his shin under the bench. “Hey, you punk! I'm just telling the truth!” "You're an idiot."

"Class!" They were interrupted. “Put your books away, you're getting papers for a test. Miss Carter, please hand it out.” He handed a pack of paper to Peggy, who was sitting in front. Steve and Bucky looked at each other with a sigh. "Well, you're better keeping to spin a tale!" "Likewise." Peggy had arrived in the back row.

"Good luck, Steve!" She clearly excluded Bucky from the wish. He was smirking at her: “Don't worry, Stevie has his lucky charm right next to him, Peggy. The same to you.” "Yes, good luck," Steve was stuttering, a little pink in his face. Peggy was glaring at 'James' and then smiling sweetly: “Oh, James, I've been preparing something nice for Maths. Our Olympiad is finally heading to the final spurt. You're going to love it: rechecking hypotheses, level 2.” Stochastics was Bucky's nemesis. While he had kept up with the last topic, analytical geometry, with his good spatial imagination, this dry topic was giving him headaches. Just endless statistics and series of numbers, which were tending to be dancing in front of his eyes. He was playing it cool.

“Sung Yin, whom I've met during the Stark Industries internship, is studying maths at Columbia, second semester. Maybe I'm able to be getting tutoring. I just have to find something I can ... be teaching him in return.” Peggy rushed off without another word. "This is frustrating. What have I actually done to her?” Steve's head was all about a Sung Yin that Bucky had never mentioned and Bucky's 'tutoring' in ... something he probably was really good at ... He was clearing his throat: "No idea ... " "Quiet Please! I'm now putting the test on the smartboard. You''re having 30 minutes. ”

During the break, the two hurryed to Bucky's new motorbike. “Wow, looks great! When can I go on a ride with you?” "I don't have a second helmet yet ..." "My dad has several ones from the past in the garage." "But a helmet like that has to fit properly, Steve." “We can try out all of them. When do you have the time?" “Tomorrow after school, but only until 6pm. At Stark Industries, a robotics professor is going to give an interesting lecture at seven. We interns are all going.” So Sung Yin is, too, Steve thought darkly. The bell rang.

"Oh no!" Bucky shouted, horrified. "I don't want to miss out a second of Maths Olympics!" and was hopping off. "What are you doing now?" He called back over his shoulder. "Free work, Mason's taken a sick day," Steve called. "You punk!" Bucky had disappeared into the building. Steve was using free work to work on a scene for improv theater. He sat down in the sun on a bench in the school yard.

At lunch, Sam and Sharon were hilariously sharing the chemistry experiment in their class that went spectacularly wrong. The room had to be cleared because the strange pyroplasma-like but completely harmless foam that they had produced was growing to such gigantic proportions that the fire brigade had to be called. Bucky was lamenting a bit about the fact he had missed out the firemen. Sharon and Sam had used the spontaneous 'free work' to again go over their joint project. They organized a science rally for middle school students for the summer festival. They were spending a lot of time together and getting along fantastic!.


	35. Football, Theater and Peter's First Day in Nursery School

**Football, Theater and Peter's First day at Nursery School**

Steve's relationship with Sharon had stalled somewhat. They met at school every day for lunch, occasionally going to the movies or having a burger. They sometimes were making out on Steve's couch, but hadn't yet taken the last step. Sharon would have liked it to be a bit more intimate, but she would also be waiting if Steve couldn't get involved that quickly …

"Sharon!" Peggy called from a table a few rows ahead and beckoned her to come over. The blonde girl immediately got up and went to her cousin and her boyfriend. Peggy asked Daniel to leave them both alone, and Sharon was widening her eyes. Why was she being so serious? "How's it going with you and Steve?" she suddenly got down to business. Sharon was speechless for a moment, then: "Peg, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was difficult for you. I mean, it's been quite some time and you're with Daniel ... "

“That's not why I'm asking. There's no problem with you and Steve. I am just curious. So how's it going? ” Sharon was so surprised she replied without thinking, "He's a little bit slower than I would like, but that's okay." Then she was biting her lip. She hadn't wanted to reveal that much and now she was annoyed a little about her cousin, who had caught her so cold. Well, more about herself ...

“Sharon, don't be mad, I'm just worried about you. You two aren't looking very in love with each other and wouldn't it be a shame if you also wasted senior high on a boy with whom you never ... I mean, who probably never ... ", Peggy had lost the thread because Sharon was glaring angrily at her face. "Are you starting on that again?" “I haven't said anything for a long time. But I see you every day in the cafeteria. And whenever James's showing up ...” “His name is _Bucky_ and I really can't tell why you're hating him so much. He' pretty nice!” "I'm _not_ hating him." "Ha ha, Peggy."

"Sharon ... I just don't want anyone to hurt you. It has nothing to do with Jame- _Bucky_ as a person, but rather ... it hurt me so much at the time and Ive been only recovering slowly from it. I don't want the same thing happening to you. You're my favorite cousin.” Sharon laughed, she was Peggy's _only_ cousin, but she knew how nice Peg had meant it.

"Peggy ... I haven't known you still are so touchy with that. I mean, nothing bad actually happened to the two of you then, when Steve's best friend was back. I've never understood what was going on. What _was_ the problem?” Peggy was pressing her lips together briefly and said nothing. “Bucky's not _hitting_ on Steve. Good God, has he _done_ that back then?“ Peg was shaking her head. "He just was making me invisible ..." she whispered sadly.

"Are you still attached to Steve?" Sharon asked quietly. “No ... yes ... _no_ , actually not, no. Daniel and I are ... I love him and he loves me! I've just never had real closure with Steve.” "That's not fair of him," Sharon frowned. “It had been me breaking up. The thing is, he was seeming relieved rather than sad, I was feeling that. It hurt a lot.” "And now you'd like to know if it was up to you or ... I see ..." Sharon replied thoughtfully. Gosh, what a mess.

Sharon noticed Peggy's absent look, she looked at Steve's table, where Bucky was now lounging on a chair, his long legs stretched out. The two best friends were laughing again, while everyone else at the table looked blankly. Steve even had to wipe away tears and Bucky seemed to continue firing remarks at him so that he wouldn't calm down so quickly. Bucky's eyes were lit and the corners of his mouth were up, and when he said something to Steve, he was leaning his upper body towards him.

And constantly the tip of his tongue was running over his full, slightly pouty lips. Constantly! Peggy was now watching her cousin's train of thought and roller coaster of emotions on her face. Poor Sharon ... Because Steve was completely under the spell of his pretty friend. When one was able to hear what hey were saying, there was nothing strange about it worth the mention. Now, without listening, only watching them, like a silent movie, so to speak, where it all depended on every emotion on their faces and in their body language ... Sharon Carter was swallowing and allowed her cousin pressing her hand sympathetically. .. Then her eyes were falling on Sam. The handsome boy glanced so knowingly back and forth between the two of them that Sharon got shivers down her spine.

*

In the afternoon, Tony went to school with Peter. Thor had a football match against a public school team from Queens after school. They were known as rough guys and Tony had his first-aid kit in the car. He'd chosen a shady spot in the bleachers after they had said hello to Thor briefly wishing him good luck.

"Thor thgoring a goal!" "I'm gonna, especially for you, little one!" The places around Tony and Peter soon were filling up. Soccer-moms ... He was sighing inwardly and making monosyllabic boring small talk with some of them. Peter was admired extensively as always and was adorable, as always. He was making up for his father's curtness. It was rumored anyway that Tony Stark was completely henpecked by his bossy wife and not daring to speak two words to another woman. With which many of the delusional housewives were soothing themselves. Tony didn't care in the slightest.

"Would you please have an eye on our seats?," Tony was asking ten minutes before kick-off, "I want us to get drinks." "Of course, Mr. Stark!" "with pleasure, Mr. Stark!" "Just leave Peter here, we'rre gonna take care of the little darling." Tony's grip on his child tightened. "No, he's supposed to choose for himself, but thank you very much." At the drinks stand, he met with Steve and Loki in line. They would also be watching – a question of honor. He was getting drinks and ice-cream for everyone when Bucky suddenly appeared next to them breathless.

“Mr Stark! Nice to see you!" Bucky batting his eyes was film-like and Tony was forcing down the urge to roll his own ones. But he had long since decided not to react at all to the boy's crush and his clumsy flirting attemps. "Would you like some lemonade, Bucky?" He asked instead like to a child. “No thanks, sir. I've got water with me. I'm so excited about tomorrow's lecture. Are you coming too? I hope so, Mr Stark! And are you then joining the discussion group?” "It's on my schedule." "Fantastic!"

"Steve!" Loki pressed. “We have to get to our seats, the cheerleaders have just finished. It's going to start soon." Steve broke away from the annoying sight that Bucky offered when hitting on his dad and was leaving with his brother. "Well, Pete?" Bucky asked the little one on Tony's arm. "Do you like football?" "Peedah havin ithe-gream," he held out his dripping popsickle to Bucky. "That means: 'No, I don't like football, can we change the subject?'" Tony smiled down at Peter. "I would have guessed so, too." Bucky grinned back. The flirty tone was completely gone. Likewise the batting eyes and pouting. Just the moment Steve was gone ... _Interesting_.

"Bucky!" Someone called from the crowd, a girl from his Drama class. "Come on, be with us!" He was giving her a thumbs-up in agreement and wishing Mr. Stark and Peter a lot of fun with the match before going to his classmates. Apparently Bucky _had_ made some friends by now, Tony was musing contentedly. Then he climbed back onto the bleachers and they settled for the kick off just in time.

The match was rough and there was a lot of angry shouting and scolding the referees. They clearly disadvantaged the 'snobbish brats-school', as the opposing team were calling them. But they still had lost only 2-3. Thor had scored a great field goal, and the other team's defenders then were after him. That earned his team a penalty in favour of one of the rougher fouls that Thor also scored. He was very happy with himself and thinking of the few abrasions and bruises as a small price. Tony was horrified. He hated sports and hated when his boys got hurt. But he was hiding it well from Thor cheering him convincingly. After that, all the Starks men went to a burger restaurant to celebrate.

"Steve! I am so disappointed that Bucky's theater project is not cross-grade. The scenes being shown are all so boring and predictable. I'd have such good ideas!” Steve was staring at Loki with a wide smile forming on his face. "Tell me!" "Oh, you don't care." "Yes, Loki!" Thor was coming to help surprisingly. He felt generous in his frenzy of success: “Just tell us! I don't understand much about it, but the scenes they have twice a week after school are really pretty lame. ”

"Yes, Loki, go ahead!" Steve also called. Tony was supervising Peter in the children's paradise in the background of the restaurant and was not aware of Steve's suddenly revived interest in 'conquering' the school's stage. They had never spoken about the failed attempt to switch classes before Christmas and Tony had thought the topic was done. Loki started lecturing. First he was explaining the principles of improvisation theater and gave a few examples of simple exercises. The classics were: lost child in the department store, missed flight home in a foreign country, vacation flirt or class reunions. They had gotten to see all of this in the past few weeks. Steve and Thor nodded encouragingly at him. Loki was quickly in his element.

“The classic world literature is actually only offering 17 different stories. You just have to tell them again and again and differently so. The trick of a good story, or better, of its new interpretation is to take a simple plot you've heard a hundred times and turn it into something unique.” Steve was hanging on Loki's lips. The boy was a godsend! Thor was listening politely, but was also busy with his third burger. He wasn't understanding much of what Loki was saying.

"Tell me an example!" Steve asked. Loki thought for a moment, then came up with: “Take the classic damsel-in-distress story. A cruel stern king wants his daughter married to an alley. There is a war in the country. But the daughter is in love with the captain of the palace guard, who's also craving for her. The king finds out and is shaming his daughter, humiliating and insulting her. The captain is transferred to the armed forces, the daughter imprisoned. She's managing to escape and goes to the front to find her loved one. He has just seriously been wounded and is dying. They confess their love to each other. He's dying. Curtain."

"Boring ..." Thor chimed, "Seen it a hundred times!" "Of course," Loki said angrily. “You weren't listening! You have to change this scenario so that the familiar plot is preserved, but it still feels like a completely new story.” "How do you do that?" Steve leaned forward excitedly. “One could swap gender roles: cruel queen, sad prince, the captain is a woman. But everyone does that, it's boring. ” "What would you do?"

“The prince secretly loves the captain who is a man. He 's making advances on all court ladies to hide his sexual orientation from his mother's judgment. All of a sudden he's finding himself alone with the man he loves, maybe in the palace gardens, but I think one should choose on something more interesting. I would also transfer the whole plot to modern times. So maybe they're meeting in the gym. They are being caught red-handed by the queen. She is horrified and immediately wants to force her son to settle for his arranged marriage. The rest's remaining more or less the same. She's scolding her son heavily, berating him as a shame to the family and then sending the captain to the front. There the captain is getting almost hit, but the prince who has followed him is catching the bullet the queen then will be grieving to death over her dead son and the end of the dynasty. The End."

"Cool!" Thor called. "Yes, indeed." Steve agreed dreamily. He had been taking notes mentally all the time and would write everything down later that evening.

He was considering for a long time whether he would rather be the prince or the captain, but Bucky should be the prince. He looked a lot more like one. He didn't think about the option Bucky could not be taking the lead. Bucky was the only openly queer student at Sanctuary High and would surely act the first gay role in his project for the LGBT community alone. In addition, he had not yet done a major role in the project so far. He won't let slipp that opportunity. Steve was only afraid that the plot would be too long …

Bucky got the scene in the impro theater email inbox two days later. And he was thrilled!

In the forum of the New York community, he immediately posted:

_@jbuchananb_

_Yes, babies! I'm getting a gay prince to a high school stage! #thrilled_

(the next morning the post had over 33,000 likes)

Not in his wildest dreams he was thinking that the idea could be from Steve …

*

"What are you bringing us this week, Bucky?" Kyle asked. “without money in the ice cream parlor?” "Or forgotten Valentine's Day?" Babs laughed. "No, I know," Janet shrilled, "Nerd dares to invite the cheerleader to the prom and you won't believe what happens next" Everyone was laughing. The project was so well received that they got around a dozen of scenes every week, but there was almost never anything interesting among them.

"I guess there's a reason why they're all _not_ in the advanced class," Bucky smirked. Tuesday afternoon Drama classes were in total dedicated for the improv theater. Their teacher, Miss Jones was staying in the background with Bucky holding the class. “But this time someone with creative potential was sitting down out there. Here, read the hand-out.” He sent a file to the group chat. His classmates delved into the scene.

**Improvisation theater idea**

Setting:

Distopian dictatorship, on the brink of rebellion

People:

The dictator; bossy, cruel, obsessed with power

Her son; secretly gay, sensitive, compassionate, brave

The bodyguard captain: couragous, direct, honest

The fiancee: obedient, good, submissive

The female brigade of bodyguards: loyal, dangerous, brutal

Plot:

The prince is secretly in love with the captain. However, he is courting all women in the government building because he is afraid of the his mother's judgment, who has chosen a bride for him. All of a sudden he's finding himself alone with the man he loves in the control room serving as the news center about the rebellion. The prince is getting his first impression of the situation in the country and is horrified at how much the people are suffering. The captain is listening to him and finally agrees. They kiss and are caught by the despot. She is outraged and wants to force her son to immediately celebrate his arranged marriage. He refusies admitting his love for the captain. The dictator berates him as a shame to the family and is sending the captain to the front in an instant. There the captain is getting almost hit fatally, but the prince, who has secretly followed him, is catching the bullet for him. They confess their love to each other before the prince is dying. The captain is freeing the country from dictation in memory of his dead lover.

Character I want to play: The Captain

"That's awfully long!" Kyle said doubtfully. "But it's fantastic!" Carla called. "Why is the captain of an all women brigade a guy?" Babs frowned. “Maybe because the guy doesn't want to play a woman! Don't be so touchy, after all, most of the women in that are pretty tough,” Billy chuckled. "Bucky," Denise asked, "wha's your opinion?" “Good scene, good setting. A bit long, but we could only do one instead of two scenes in the week before spring break, a longer one then.” The others agreed after a moment's thought.

“Who is playing who? Any volunteers?” The dictator, the fiancee and a few guardswomen were quickly found. Bucky sighed. "Come on, Billy, Kyle, Dennis, noone?" There were no other boys in the class besides those three and Bucky. "What about you?" Billy called. "Yeah, dude, if you're playing the gay prince, at least there won't be a new gossip going around the whole school," Kyle agreed. And of course he was right.

"Come on, Bucky!" Janet said, "you haven't done a single major role in your own project yet, let alone th lead." "I'm not a very good actor in fact!" "There's no critic from the New York Times gonna be there!" Carla grinned. “It's more about the sense of community, the challenge and about opening the world of theater to amateurs, too. That's what you had written in your presentation. Dr Strange was very impressed!“, she teased him good-naturedly. He was glaring at her. Her smile was getting even more innocent at that. "All right," Bucky said. Everyone was clapping.

"Setting?" “Sounds like Hunger Games, Panem, to me. The dictator's family wants to keep the scepter in their ranks. A rebellion is smoldering, the prince' marriage to a woman from the outskirts is supposed to ensure peace.” "Very good. Costumes?” “Props only. Black simple clothes. The prince is wearing a striking amulett or necklace, a chainlike one much like the Prince of Wakanda's. The captain is sporting a shield with the ruler's family crest and a handweapon in the holster. The dictator 's wearing an ermine, we're having one in the prop room, of course it's a duplicate. ”

"The Guardswomen?" “Decorative spears and machine guns on the back. After all, This is a dictatorship!” "Good work!" Bucky called to the group, he had been taking notes of everything. "Until next week, all of you're gonna think up a few lines that you can possibly use." Denise chewed on her lower lip. She would play the dictator. "Bucky ... it says the prince is being hostiled by his mother for being gay. I mean …" Shaking his head, Bucky smiled at her: "Denise, don't be ridiculous. Of course I know that you don't have a problem with my sexuality! Do your worst! It's just acting!” She smiled back.

“So one long scene in three weeks, actually quite a good way to end the trimester. Now for the scenes that I usually get, everyone's taking one or two and look for some that are not horrendously terrible.” Everyone sighed ...

*

Bucky secretly was wondering who the 'captain' might be. Was a second gay boy about to come out at Sanctuary High? That would be fantastic for the community! And then: Thinking about his possible _personal_ consequences of this, with an attempt _that_ obvious to get into a romantic encounter with him... – let's be honest: To whom could such a kind of scene in that kind of setting be addressed if not to the only openly gay boy of the school. Who is – incidentally - the leader of the Drama class' improv theater project. Out there was someone and he was in love with him, that was for sure! But who _could_ it be?

*

Tony was waking up feeling uneasy. Then he remembered. Peter was supposed to go to nursery school unattended for two hours for the first time. An ugly, dull knot was forming in his stomach and he hurried into the bathroom to throw up. But he was only choking drily.

"Tony?" Pepper had woken up and heard her husband. She was listening with concern in front of the bathroom door. "All's' kay, honey ..." he gasped indistinctly. They'd had bitter arguments and fierce fights about this. Tony thought Peter was too small for nursery school which Pepper thought was complete nonsense. In her opinion, the symbiotic relationship between her husband and his youngest was much more concerning.

For this fateful day, Pepper had instructed her older sons to take the school bus. It was getting a bit hectic because the three of them weren't used to leaving the house on a set date. Steve still had his trial driving license, which he was not allowed to use to transport minors, so all that was left was the bus. Tony was sitting ashen at the breakfast table and watching his 'baby' enthusiastically spooning his breakfast cereal. Peter was still a baby! What should he do in nursery school? All alone! The 'baby' put the spoon down and exclaimed enthusiastically:

"Peedah-Daddy-nurthy sgool!" Peter loved it there. There were a lot of new things to explore, other children and unknown games and lots of great playing equipment in the garden. Of course, what Peter didn't know was that he should be staying there for the first time without his daddy ... Tony had stayed with him during trial week.

Father and son arrived at the institution at nine. Miss Jackson, Peter's teacher, took the little one by the hand and said gently to him: “Hello, Peter! Tell your daddy goodbye, we're going to do soap bubbles together. Daddy will pick you up right away.” Peter froze. The only thing he had gotten correctly had been: 'Daddy - goodbye'. He was becoming stiff looking at his father in panic.

"Daddy?" His lower lip was trembling, his teary eyes wide and anxious. He started crying. Tony immediately grabbed him again. Miss Jackson looked at him disapprovingly and sighed. "Mr Stark, we've discussed that." “He's scared. I don't like it when he's scared.” “Of course not, I understand that. We don't like the children to be scared either.” Nursery school teachers were supposed to have an angelic patience because of their work, but Miss Jackson had never thought that she would need the lion's share of her patience for an adult man. That was before she'd known Tony Stark …

"If you're dragging out the farewell, you will unsettle Peter," a fact that teachers told parents a billion times all over the world. With Tony Stark - she hadn't known that at the time - that number would exponentially increase.

“He needs me! He is scared. He doesn't want me to leave him alone! Peter, darling, my little spiderling, daddy is here.” Peter's sobs subsided. Tony closed his eyes and sighed, his cheek pressed against his 'baby's'. _Oh my God_ , Miss Jackson thought. Soon there'll be two of them crying..

"Peter," she called softly, "let's go to the window together and wave to your daddy and then we're having huge soap bubbles. Do you want to have soap bubbles? ” "Havin bubbleth!" Peter suddenly answered cheerfully. _Manipulative beast,_ Tony thought, immediately ashamed of it. Miss Jackson was just doing her job, full of regret, he was putting his son on the ground and said bravely:

"Come on Pete. I'm going out brief, you're waving to me from the window and then you're gonna make the biggest soap bubbles in the world. Then I'm gonna pick you up again.” "Peedah have bubbleth!" "Yes exactly. You are the bubble superhero, Underoos. Daddy is so proud of you!” Peter took Miss Jackson's hand and let himself be led to a large window. "You can wave at your daddy right away, Peter, okay?" "wavin at daddy!" Tony was standing around indecisively for a few seconds until Miss Jackson hissed:

"Go, Mr. Stark." He complied with a heavy heart. Peter was turning his head again and then halting stubbornly. "Peedah making bubbleth with daddy." Tony turned on the heel and was beaming. Miss Jackson rolled her eyes.

The upshot was Tony being practically kicked out and even putting up with it because Miss Jackson dropped the ultimate threat: "I'm going to call Mrs Stark right away." Peter's crying was tearing his heart and would haunt him in his nightmares. He was sitting in the Audi and zoomed in all the windows he could see from there on the StarkPhone's camera. He didn't notice that occasional passersby watched him suspiciously …

Peter was calming down pretty quickly when Miss Jackson showed him the huge soap bubbles. But of course Tony didn't know that and he was in agony for the next two hours. When he returned to pick him up at eleven, Peter was bursting into tears and threw himself into his father's arms. _Oh no_ ... Miss Jackson got aware. So Peter was this kind of child. One that was living in the moment. The little boy had quickly overcome his separation pain when he was busy, but the misery came back with all his might when he saw his father again. Tony was horrified and looked over Peter's curls at the poor teacher like he would at a child murderer.

“Mr Stark! Peter has had fun until now, believe me!” She cried out desperately. If she wouldn't have to deal with this problem for the next few days - or weeks - she might even think of it as cute how the man was attached to his child ... "Pete, Daddy is with you and is taking you home. Friday's there. She's lookng forward to you! ” "Peedah wanths Daddy and Fhiday." Tony felt a childish pride that he still came in front of Peter's beloved cat in order.

"Mr Stark, tomorrow you absolutely have to shorten the farewell process," Miss Jackson told him sternly in parting. Tony was grinning wryly. "I can try." He was looking like a boy who had been caught with his fingers in the cookie jar. And Miss Jackson immediately forgave him. You couldn't be mad at Tony Stark


	36. Improvisation Theater

**Improv Theater – The Captain and his Prince**

Steve discovered on the school homepage's drama blog that his scene, codenamed 'Captain', had been chosen for the last performance before spring break, and he became dizzy with excitement - and fear. Suddenly he was in doubt about his plans and got the jimjams. The instructions were saying that the protagonist should wear plain black clothes. So for Thursday before spring break, he packed a black pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt in his backpack and was half-excited, half-panicked for the afternoon. What was he thinking? How would Bucky react and how on earth should he explain all of that? Shit shit shit ...

The school clocks were ticking away mercilessly and too soon it was time to go down to the catacombs of the assembly hall. The class had been advertising this particular scene as 'special' and had cancelled the first one this week. He was received by the project's background team in the cloakrooms under the assembly hall. He was equipped with a microphone, a shoulder holster and plastic gun as well as a with a round shield, painted blue and red with a white star in the middle. Steve was grinning to himself. Just like that 'Captain America', a comic book hero from the comiv universe his father had loved so much in his youth. A girl, her name was Louise, he thought, explained:

“We cannot tell you what's awaiting you up there except one detail: you're standing behind a wall listening to the prince hitting on the guardwomen. Everything after that is improvisation, alright? Ready?" Steve nodded bravely. "Ready." "Well, then up with you!" Steve went up and into position. After a few moments, he heard Bucky flirting agrressively and cockily. He was getting closer ...

Then Bucky was circling the wall. He was looking breathtaking in skin-tight black overalls, around his neck a chain with a large deep red star on his chest, the shape identical to the white one on Steve's shield, a simple black waist-length cloak and an officer's cap, sitting lopsided on the wild hair. Steve caught his breath. But that was no comparison to Bucky's reaction. When he saw Steve, he turned pale, his eyes huge, his mouth slightly open, and he was seeming to be frozen. Frotunately, that was exactly the reaction suitable to the scene of course...

"Your Highness," Steve said a little shakily but loud enough for the audience. Bucky took a deep breath and replied, "Captain." Steve was swallowing dryly and called out: "Your mother is insisting on an audience with you" Bucky bowed his head and was glaring at Steve through lowered eyelashes. He was seeming to regain his composure ... The dictator, Denise, entered the scene.

"Son, have you spoken to Miss Harper today?" "No, mother." “You know what's at stake. If she's losing interest, our country is doomed!” "Mother! I just can't marry a girl I barely know!” “Sentimental feelings don't matter in politics, child. If this liason is failing, everything will be lost! The rebellion has become more and more threatening! Send her a video chat request right now!” Bucky was clenching his hands at his sides and gritted: "Yes, ma'am".

Denise disappeared to the edge of the stage and Bucky went to an enormous computer terminal made from cardboard. The huge screen was visible from the audience. Carla (the fiancee) appeared in it. “Oh my prince! I've been waiting for your call so desperatly!” "Why?" Bucky barked out very unpleasently. "Well, we are engaged and I am excited to finally come to the capital and be with you, dearest!" "You do not know me at all! What if we don't like each other?” "How could I not like my prince?" Bucky was looking to the side, in the direction of Steve on the edge of stage, who was waiting for his next turn. Bucky looked so strange. Angry, hurt, and strangely unfamiliar.

“You are well chosen. Not one single own thought, no questions, no own will ... “ “My prince? ” Bucky pushed a big red button Carla ducked, 'disappearing' from the 'screen'. The curtain fell. The audience were cheering enthusiastically! That was something after the lame stuff of the past few weeks! 

The stage had been quickly converted. More computer terminals were pushed in, real ones this time, from computer lab. Steve knew his scene in the control room would be next. "Bucky!" He called in a low voice. “Quiet, Steven. We're talking about this later." The curtain opened again and Bucky was observing the controll room screens. He soon was running back and forth, wringing his hands and pounding the desks with his fist. Steve stepped forward and shouted "Your Highness!" Bucky whirled around to him.

"Captain! Have _you_ known about that? The people in our country are suffering! It is cruel!” Steve remembered his (well, rather Loki's) plot. “Your family has given this country strength and greatness. Not everyone can be happy.” Bucky's eyes were burning in his pale face. "Captain, how can a man like you, righteous, honest and _good_ , be so blind!" Steve froze briefly, then he was painfully urging out: "Your Highness?". Bucky lunged to him with two long steps, clawing a hand into the front of Steve's longsleeve and pulled him towards himself, whispering from the corner of his mouth:

"Shield up! In front of our heads." Steve obeyed and from the audience their heads were now hidden behind the shield. The crowd was cheering, wooing, trampling and wolfwhistling. They were only inches apart. In the noise, Bucky was hissing at Steve, "What's this about, Steven?" "You wanted me to submit a scene." "Seriously?" "What?" "Do you want to fuck me up?" WHAT? “Bucky, no! I ...“ „Ssht!”, Steve fell silent.

Denise entered the scene. "Son! Captain! What's going on here?" They broke apart. “Mother, I love him! I've loved him forever ...“ „No! How can you do this to me? You are a shame to our family! Disgrace! How embarrassing after apparently chasing every skirt in the residence and now that!” Steve pulled himself out of the scene and was numb with confusion. Why was Bucky so outraged?? “You are marrying Miss Harper immediately! For our country. For our dynasty!” "No, never!" “Go to your rooms! Tomorrow a motorcade is taking you to your bride. From now on you will live in the outskirts seven, with her. Captain!” Steve wasn't responding immediately.

" _Captain!_ " Denise called louder. "Yes, Your Highness?" “There is major unrest in the northern outskirts. You will go there immediately to support our forces.” "Mother, _no!_ The northern outskirts are the most dangerous in our country! He's going to be killed there!" Bucky was crying desperately. "SHUT UP. BE QUIET! You are no longer my son” Denise was strutting back and forth on stage complaining: “My only child, a son, born to me... a fairy! Doesn't care about women. family line won't be continued ... Isn't that a tragedy, Captain? ” Steve was stunned and remaining silent. Bucky jumped in.

"Captain! Think of our people. You are ... you are a _good_ man!” A group of guardwomen were taking Bucky away. "Well, Captain?" "W-what is happening to him?" “That's none of your business. You have your orders! Go to the north immediately! ”

The curtain fell. The cheering was even louder than the last time.

The class was hanging up a giant withe piece of cloth in the background of the stage, Kyle projected a video sequence from a battlefield onto it, the guardswomen took up their positions as front fighters. “Steven! Final scene!“ Bucky hissed. Battle noises from the tape was played. Taking his his place between the guards Steve was drawing his gun. The curtain opened. Bucky was on the edge of stage. The girls were throwing away the spears and getting the machine guns from their backs. Steve was pointing his gun towards the battlefield projection. Bucky lunged to Steve, jerking him around so that his body was shielding the 'captain' from 'the battle'.

A single shot standing out clearly from the battle noises and Bucky was falling to his knees, pulling the 'captain' with him, and Steve, who 'd lost his balance, toppled ungracefully on him, hitting him with the shield on the shoulder. "Sorry," he whispered. Bucky murmered back through gritted teeth: "I have a bullet in my back, so, that's my smallest problem." The battle noise subsided and Bucky glanced up to Steve imploringly: "Your turn!"

“Your Highness! What have you ... what have you done?” "I just... I just couldn't allow ..." Bucky gasped for breath as Steve carefully laid him on the floor, one arm around his shoulders. "But I have to be able to do something! Is there nothing I can do? Don't die on me! Not now!" “Stop this gruesome war. For the people who're living here... for ... me.” “Oh, I promise, my prince! I promise it to you! Just don't die and we're doing this together!" "Just, just tell me ..." Bucky's voice broke. "Yes, my prince, anything you want!" "Please, tell me..."

"I _love_ you! I will never _forget_ over you and I will be freeing the people of our country from tyranny! For you!" Bucky closed his eyes sinking back lifelessly. Steve was bowing his head for a while. Then he carefully let the lifeless bucky slide onto the floor, got up, throwing the Captain's shield to the guards' feet, turning to the audience and shouted. "I will not rest until he is avenged and freedom is blossoming in this country again!"

Curtain. The audience were swept off their feet and was making a deafening uproar.

Behind the curtain it was dead silent for a few moments. Bucky had sat up. “That was the best improv scene we've ever done. Thanks, Steven!” Steve woke up from his numbness. "Bucky, you've been fantastic!" He was looking at him steadily, frowning, lips pressed together.

"You've been really good too, Steve!" One of the guard girls called out. "Yes!" another agreed. "I was having tears in my eyes at the end!" "That was a great scene, Steve!" Kyle was calling from the technology desk. "Go, get your applause, Captain!" "W-what ... a-all alone?" "The star at improv theater is always the amateur," Babs grinned at him. Steve obeyed and was looking for the gap in the curtains. He was cheered on enthusiastically.

In the audience there were Sharon, T'Challa, Sam and Shuri looking slightly less satisfied. Steve had told them last minute that today's scene was his and now, after that, all four of them were staring at him in disbelief while clapping. T'Challa thought Steve had gone too far ... Sharon was pursing her lips contemptuously and glanced sideways at Sam. He had obviously just been looking at her, but jerked his head away in an instant. Shuri pulled out her phone and texted Bucky, “ _Well_ that _was entertaining, White Wolf. Are you doing well?_ "

When Steve got behind the curtain again, he was looking around. "Where's Bucky?" “He got a call. His grandmother has collapsed, he has to go to the hospital to look after her.” Steve was speechless. Which was better than letting out the first thing he could think of. That would have been the word 'bullshit'. Major Barnes' parents were on a trip around the world and his maternal grandmother wasn't holding any contact to the family after her daughter had blown out of town. What had happened? "I'm helping you tidying up."

Bucky didn't answer the phone and didn't answer Steve's message. He would like to go straight to the Barnes house, and if necessary waiting for Bucky there all night. He just had to talk to him! But he had promised his parents to take care of Peter, they had to attend a charity event in the city. During the evening he was giving up sending unanswered messages and when Peter'd fallen asleep, he also went to bed. He was exhausted. He would talk to Bucky at school tomorrow. Bucky didn't come to school on the last day before spring break …

Steve went to Bucky's house right after class. The Barnes' home was looking abandoned to him. He was ringing the doorbell and knocked, peering through all the windows. No movements in there. A neighbor came to his door. “Hey! Boy, what are you sneaking around the house for?” “I'm a friend of Bu - James Barnes! He hasn't come to school today, sir. I've wanted to see if he was sick.“ "Oh, you're one of _those_... I don't know where the boy is." The man went back to his house.

_Those_? Steve thought confused then understanding. His friend had been participating in rallies for queer rights for some time now and had once been on the local news, wildly costumed but still clearly recognizable. Major Barnes was almost dying then ... But where was Bucky now? Steve went home again without being able to do anything. He presented the spring grades sheet to his father, got a lot of praise for it, and strolled to his room. There he was writing what felt like the thousandth messagew hich had been remaining unanswered again.

Tony was in a good mood. Even Thor's grades hadn't been too bad this time. He also got an honorable mention about his music / band performance. Peter and his daddy were in town after nursery school for lunch with Pepper and the little boy hadn't cried miserably for the first time when he met his daddy again after two hours of fun with the other kids. Then he got an email from Dr Strange. No subject. The message only told:

“ _Please take note. Happy Holidays._ " A video file was attached. After watching the video, Tony was no longer in a good mood. What had Steve been thinking? He also received an email from Stark Industries' HR department later that day. " _Please take note._ " There was something else attached: The copy of a resignation. Bucky had quit his internship! _Damn.._.

*

On the last day of school, Sharon's and Sam's Sports class were going to a competition right after class. They would camp at Harriman State Park over the weekend and compete with other schools' advanced sports classes. Sam attended with his basketball team, Sharon at archery. T'Challa and Shuri would spend the holidays in New Orleans and meet their parents there. None of his friends had said anything about his improv theater scene. He was sulking a bit over it, but didn't ask anyone for their opinion. In the evening he went to Bucky again. Unsuccessful. So he was lounging in his car, listening to an audio book and waiting …

When it was time to be home in time and Bucky still hadn't shown any climpse of his', he drove off frustrated. He was writing one last time: "You can't hide forever, you punk!" Bucky sluggishly pulled his phone out of his pocket when it was vibrating. He was lying on a bed with a college boy in his dorm room and they were smoking weed together.

"Something important?" Aaron mumbled into Bucky's hair. He turned around without a word and started kissing him. Steve would have been waiting a long time for Bucky this night ... At dawn Aaron whispered sleepily to Bucky when he was about to crawl out of bed: "If you want to stay, I'm making you breakfast." Bucky grunted in agreement pulling the veterinary student back to him. After a late breakfast the college boy gave him his number

“But I'm telling right away, I don't want anything steady. I have someone at home.” Bucky raised his eyebrows. "A girl, we want to get married." "And she ... does she know about ...?" “Yes, she's really cool with it. If I'm not doing it at home and she's not about to know anything about it, and I'm safe, she can handle.” "Wow." "Well, I hope you don't blame me."

"I don't want anything steady, either." Aaron didn't ask why. “Well, then, maybe you're calling sometime. I liked it very much." "Me too." That was the truth. With Jay sex had always been wild, driven and almost like a fight. Aaron had let Bucky taking the reins that night, adjusting to his pace and indulging himself, and Bucky had learned that he was preferring it that way.

At home he was reading a lot of messages, only answering Shuri's last one.

" _Have you slapped the dipshit around his head by now?_ "

“ _Language, princess. And no, I've been having something 'better' to do._ ”

“ _Woo-hoo! But though, what was Steve thinking_? ”

" _From long experience I can tell you: Steve wasn't thinking at all._ "

" _How have you been able to put up with him for so long?_ "

" _I'm just an angel._ "

“ _I'm hoping for you that not! ;)_ "

“ _Well, not all the time. ;)_ "

Bucky's anger had cooled somewhat now, and he was convinced that Steve actually just hadn't been thinking. When he no longer assumed that Steve was been creating that crazy mess on purpose, he was no longer that angry with him. Oh, message from Kyle!

“ _Hey, I've thought I'm better be telling you: The blog is full of comments and I'm really sorry. I was wrong when I've said you weren't going to trigger some spicy new gossip. Really so sorry, dude! Thank goodness there's spring break, maybe all is going to grow silent again quickly._ ” 

After reading worth an hour of comments on the blog, Bucky was furious with Steve again. Experience had shown that he wouldn't have to wait long for him. Stubborn and straightforward as he was, it was guaranteed for him to show up on his front porch during the day. Now he went to take a shower. His hair was still wet, he seldom bothered with shaving during the holidays, when the doorbell was aggressively ringing a few times in a row. The sound of the bell was of course the usual one as that, but Bucky still thought he could hear from its tone whom he was about to be finding at the door. Bucky was already on the way when there was a knock on the door.

"Bucky! I know you're in there!” Steve's voice came muffled through the door. "Your car and your motorbike are in the driveway!" Bucky opened grinning: "Always so dramatic, Stevie ... What would you've done next? Getting a horse brigade?” Steve closed his mouth with an audible pop and pushed the door open, making a determined entry. "You won't send me away, Bucky Barnes." “Have you ever applied to Jehovah's Witnesses? They could need a door opener like you!” his friend laughed at him. Steve was startled, but sticking to his plan; finding out what Bucky had made that mad.

They were going to the kitchen and Steve rejected the Coke offered to him crossing his arms over his chest and the line between his eyebrows was making it clear that he had something to clarify. Bucky was raising his eyebrows and dropped into a chair. His long legs stretching out, one above the other at the ankles, his thumbs casually hooked into the pockets of his sweatpants, he was leaning back and said nothing. That got Steve out of the concept. Bucky usually asked what was going on when he was visibly upset as he was

"Where have you been sticking around?" "My natural-born decency's forbading me to tell that in detail." When Steve was blushing violently, Bucky had to smile. “I've sent you dozens of messages, tried to call you almost as often. I was worried! ” “I'm a big boy, Stevie. Have you been afraid the bad wolf could have eaten up your precious prince, _Captain_?” "Ah, good that you are talking of that," Steve grew a little louder, "why've you been so upset?" "Are you.." "What?" "'Why _are_ you so upset' as in present tense." Bucky wasn't looking upset at all ... Steve was wondering briefly, then:

“Well, why are you so upset? I think the scene was good. It was received very well and was better than anything you had done before ...” “Watch your tounge there, Steven.” Steve's mouth fell open at Bucky's tone. He _was_ upset, very much. “Are you saying that your oh so brilliant little idea only was giving our silly little project the icing on the cake” "I don't know what you m ..." Bucky interrupted him again: "Or that we were just botching around until someone came showing us how to do it properly?" Steve was speechless.

"I know what you're thinking. Yes, we may not be reinventing democracy in my class, nor are we throwing clever Latin quotes around us. But we're working just as hard as everyone else and our work at least gives people some joy.” Steve was shaking his head. "Bucky! What are you talking about? That wasn't what I ... _damn it_! No! I just want to know what's got you so mad, for heaven's sake! ”

Bucky got up and motioned for Steve to follow him into his room. There he just pointed wordlessly to his laptop. Steve sat down at the desk frowning while Bucky dropped onto the bed. Steve put it on again from sleep mode and the theater project blog was popping up. Steve turned around. “People haven't liked it? Is that why you're so mad ... ”

"Just have a closer look, Stevie." Annoyed Steve huffed through his nose, on the other hand 'Stevie' was still better than this unpersonal 'Steven'. No one called him 'Steven' except Jarvis. But he wasn't human after all. He obeyed and was delving into the comments. Bucky got up again and leaning against the wall next to his desk so he could be watching Steve's face. The carousel of emotions and complexions was a fabulous sight. Bucky was smiling tenderly without realizing it. Then Steve suddenly turned to him. Caught him, so to speak, with that soft facial expression, the big eyes, dark with emotion and the slightly opened, shimmering lips.

Time was seeming to stand still. Bucky pushed himself off the wall, came over to Steve leaning over him. "We haven't really finished our scene, Captain." Steve got huge wild eyes as the comments from the blog were whirling around in his head. An unhidden kiss between prince and captain was high on the 'missing list'. “Bucky. I am so sorry. I know I deserve that you're roasting me now. I had no idea!” Bucky started as if he was burnt. Then he swallowed, looking to the side and replied softly: “I _know_ you haven't really known what you're doing. What you're doing with this. You can't possibly be knowing at all.” "Then, please, explain!" Steve whispered urgently. Bucky took a deep breath.

“Being gay has become hip lately. I know everyone's thinking it's a great thing, everyone likes gay people, everyone loves them, everyone wants to have a gay best friend. But it's not a great thing. Not yet, believe me. It's like with the blacks back then. When people started to adore black babies for being sooo cute and black women so wonderfully exotic and sexy, what do you think, how did the blacks feel about it?” "Different ... as if they weren't part of our society.”

“Yes, Steve! And that's how it is for us LGBT people now! We do not want to be liked stereotypically for partial aspects of our existence. If someone doesn't like me, it's okay whether I'm gay or not. I am a human being like everyone else! I'm nothing special, at least not just because I'm gay, you know?” Bucky was running back and forth excitedly now, gesturing wildly with his hands. Steve was watching and listening to him in fascination.

“And now go read these awful comments from 14 year olds. They think it's sweet because it's gay. For them it wasn't improv theater, it wasn't art, it was your desperate attempt to come out. Fuck, everyone knows you're with Sharon. They cannot differentiate. They are 'shipping' us now. Have you realized that? ” Steve understood that very well when reading the blog, but could not and did not want to admit it.

"I think you're exaggerating," Bucky leaned down to the laptop, his fingers raced across the keyboard, and in an instant he highlighted a few hashtags: _#ishipit #andnowkiss #jamesbarnesxstevenstarkforever_ and particularly noteworthy: _#stucky_. Steve swallowed audibly.

“Why haven't you cancelled it when you noticed it was me? You've obviously known immediately what's gonna happen - unlike me.” Steve wanted to know without looking at him. Bucky was biting his inner cheek and pressed tightly, "I don't know." Steve's head snapped up. "Don't you _know_ or aren't you telling?" Bucky said nothing. "Why have you taken the scene at all?" Bucky had an answer to that:

“I've thought there was a gay boy at Sanctuary High who was determined to come out. It would have been fantastic if my project had brought out something so important ... ”, Bucky was getting quieter. Steve was looking at him steadily. “Bucky, your project is great! You are doing a very good job. Dr Strange has chosen the right one. Honestly." "Thanks, Stevie." They were smiling understandingly at each other for a short while. Then Bucky's lips twisted into a lopsided grin.

"What in the world actually has put this crazy idea into your head?" “I've told you on your birthday. I want to know what's going on in your life, I want to be part of it. Spend more time with you again. I came up with scene after scene, all mediocre to shit.” Bucky laughed. "Say something in Latin, you're better at that!" Steve grinned: "Es an idiot." "Oookay, I'm getting the context."

“Then Loki once was raving about your improv theater and I've been interogating him a bit. The scene actually was his idea. He used it as an example of innovation.” Bucky was internally disappointed to the bone because when he 'd seen Steve behind the wall for the first time in the scene, a tiny part of him immediately was hoping Steve was the secretly gay boy at Sanctuary High who was desperate to come out ... This one hope had been the reason why he hadn't broken off against better knowledge.

“Clever guy, Loki. He's got it from his father.” Steve grimaced reluctantly. "What are we doing about it now?" Steve nodded to the laptop, where the hashtags were still glaring. Bucky sighed heavily.

“We have to stay away from each other for a while. Can't let us be seen together anymore. That thing ... ”, he nodded to the laptop, “Don't feed the trolls, Stevie.” Bucky was looking very sad and Steve was horrified. "Bucky ..." he gasped. “But I've wanted ... I've wanted the opposite! I've wanted to spend _more_ time with you again!” Bucky turned away fearing that his pain would show on his face. “Stevie ... we're still having our whole life ahead of us. We're going be able to spend time together again.” When Steve didn't answer, Bucky turning back to him asked, "Aren't us?"

“Let's go to Coney Island. We're riding the Cyclone until one of us's throwing up. Then we're winning teddy bears at the shooting gallery, eat hot dogs. I'm getting cotton candy on your ridiculous hair and you're gonna take revenge by distracting me at the right moment when doing 'test-your-strength', so that I only get 'kindergardener' or something as embarrassing as a result. Please, Bucky.” He wasn't thinkink for a second. "I'm gonna change!" The day on Coney Island would remain one that both remembered to the end of their days. It had been perfect ...

The same evening Steve was taking his father into his confidence. Reluctantly so, but he knew that only the genius Tony Stark was would be capable of preventing the worst. After a long, cruelly embarrassing conversation, Tony immediately got to work. In hours of sweaty work, he'd been putting a stamp on every snippet of the video, the blog, the relevant entries that had since been appearing on Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest and successfully blocking reposting or saving.

Then he programmed a clever code that could track down pictures and clips taken with a cell phone camera directly from screen and would immediately pixelate them. He was providing all possible hashtags with a small virus that would only prevent spreading and otherwise did no damage. That night Tony Stark was making sure that this 'Stucky thing' won't go viral ... The internet never forgets. Actually. Unless Tony Stark wanted it that way...


	37. Losing more then then the keys on the Backseat

**Losing more then then the keys on the Backseat**

The next morning Steve got a message from Bucky:

“ _Dad wants me to come to Thule Air Base. Greenland, I can't believe it! I'll be having polar bears, whales and reindeer, in SPRING break after all! The flight is going tonight. Wishing you happy holidays!_ ”

" _Dress warmly!_ " ... _and take care of yourself,_ but Steve was only thinking that.

Bucky also was sent an email from Mr Stark personally via Stark Industries intranet.

“ _We've taken note of your resignation, Mr Barnes. Unfortunately, we have to inform you that we are not ... blablabla, no idea what the bunch of office folks are replying to resignations. I don't like you quitting. And I know for sure, neither do you. Get your butt back up after the holidays, boy. You love to work for me! AES._ ” Bucky was grinning.

" _Yessir._ "

*

Sharon and Steve were seeing each other on Monday morning after the tournament. He had invited her for brunch and planned on going to the sea afterwards. While having brunch she told him about the camp, the competitions, her exciting showdown with an Ohio girl and endlessly about the final game of the basketball team.

"Sam's been incredible!" She called enthusiastically, "For a basketball player he's relatively short but he was dribbling through a number of real giants like just nothing, you should have seen that!" "I'd really have loved to see that!" Steve answered warmly. He was always happy for the achievements of his friends. When they later were sitting on a blanket after a walk on Long Island and Steve wanted to wrap his arms around her, Sharon got a little stiff. "Are you cold? You want me to give you my jack ... ”

"Steve, we need to talk," Sharon interrupted. He dropped his arms and she moved a little bit away, suddenly unable to look at him. "Listen," she said quietly to her knees, "you're incredibly nice. I really like you very much!" Steve, of course, could guess where that was going and put a hand on her forearm. “Wouldn't you like to look at me at least?” "Why so?" Sharon asked breathlessly, her voice a little higher than usual.

"You're breaking up with me," Steve said quietly. Now Sharon was looking at him. And now she knew what Peggy was been meaning. He could at least _try_ to look a little sad about it. She was pressing her teeth together briefly, then caught herself again because she was realizing that she wasn't particularly sad either. "Steve ... it's just not working," she said softly, squeezing his hand. Steve was shaking his head.

"Why are you saying that, Sharon? We're getting along so well! We have so much fun! We like the same people ... I just don't understand.” Then he was raising his eyebrows. "Is that about my performance at improv theater?" "No!" She called out, "but yes ... _oh_." Steve let out a short laugh. “No, not really." She was fiddling with the fringes on the blanket. "But?"

Sharon took a deep breath. "Steve, your relationship with me is no different than your relationships with Sam or T'Challa." Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Sharon raised an index finger. "No! Let me finish. You also get along well with them. You have a lot of fun together. They also like the same people as you. I'm just another friend for you who happens to have some tits.” Steve turned bright red. "Sharon ..." "Yes," she said firmly.

"There is only one person who's standing out from this group of friends you're gathering around you ... _Bucky_." Steve was staring at her speechless. Then he reached for her hand and urged: “What do you want to tell with that? Do you think I'm in love with him? That's wrong! I'm ...“ „Steve!” she called out. "You're hurting me!" He was startled and loosened his grip immediately. "Sorry ..." "Don't worry ...", she dismissed it. “I'm not saying that you are in love with him. I just think that when I'm your girlfriend, I should have to be first. And I'm not. And as long as you aren't finding a girl to replace Bucky in this extraordinary spot in your life ... you haven't found the right one yet.” Steve thought about her words. Then he was hanging his head.

"I'm sorry ..." he whispered, "I've never wanted to make you feel like you weren't special for me. Because you are! You are ... ”, he didn't know what to say next. "Your best friend _with_ tits?" she was teasing. Steve had to laugh. "How apt." “And you're also my friend, Steve. I do not want to lose you. But this, this relationship, that doesn't work for me. I am sorry." Steve was scratching his head embarrassedly. "I understand. But now I'm mad that I haven't been something ... more adventurous“ he staring. She was staring at him, outraged, and punched his upper arm. “Steve, you _ass_! Well, you're now having a lot of admirers after your glorious performance, there's definitely something in it! ” Steve was blushing at the memory. He was leaving this thought be and jumped up.

“Come on, it's getting cool. I'm taking you home.” "Um, Steve?" "Yes?" "Would you mind if I'm going out with Sam sometime?" Steve was perplexed. "Has he asked you out?" "Of course not! He would never do that! How can you just be thinking something like that... It's _me_. I'd like to go out with him ..." "Yes, well ... that would be ... yes, of course I don't mind!" “Then it would be really nice of you to tell him that in a roundabout way. Otherwise I'm ending up wearing me out on his loyalty to you.” Steve had to laugh. "I'm gonna try. Although: Subtle is not my forte.” "That's quite right!"

(Thule, Greenland)

" _Sharon has broken up with me._ " Bucky didn't know if he was happy about it. The girl was actually quite nice. And he could handle Steve dating a girl pretty well now. It was hurting more when Steve wasn't with someone and still didn't want him.

“ _I'm sorry, Stevie! What happened?_ "

" _Has fallen in love with someone else._ " The _lucky_ one, Bucky thought. Maybe he should be asking _her_ how to get rid of his feelings for Steven Stark …

“ _I've told you, the stubble is a bad idea. But you aren't listening to me. Which is really stupid. That's what having a gay best friend is for!_ ” Steve had started trying with a daring designer stubble . While Bucky was convinced that he would totally be a full beard person sometime later and a strikingly awesome one too, the somewhat thin fluff that was now growing on his chin and cheeks was a little pitiful.

" _Jerk! Have you been fighting a polar bear yet?_ ”

“ _Am I tired of life? Am I you, you punk? I've been out by boat all day today watching whales. An arctic fox was sitting in front of our quarters this morning, I've left him half of my breakfast. I have a new friend, I guess._ ”

“ _Seems like you're having a good time. I'm happy for you, dude!_ ”

“ _Yes, it's cool here. And cold, an average of two degrees above zero. Dad wants to take me to the shooting range every day, he says. Not that strict rules when it's coming to civilians here around. He's dreaming of a glorious career in the army for me ... Next time I'm getting you the main prize on Coney Island after this training!_ ”

“ _I've really wanted this giant plush Saint Bernard!_ ”

" _You're getting it, Stevie._ "

" _You don't want to go to the army, do you?_ "

" _Are you nuts? Of course not!_ "

" _I have to go. Send me some pictures of them whales!_ ”

"I'm gonna,

„ _I'm gonna. Stay in touch!_ "

Steve later got an excited message:

“ _Stevie! You're not gonna believe what I'm doing! I'm traveling the ice desert by dog sled! I'm going on a huge adventure! I am really excited. I'm sleeping in a tent on perpetual ice for a whole week !!!_ ”

Steve was terrified at the thought. " _Isn't that dangerous? Your dad's allowing you to do that?_ ”, _His_ dad would never allow him so. Bucky replied immediately:

“ _You know: When it comes to him, I couldn't be doing enough real 'manly' things and it's not dangerous, Stevie. Word of honor. Tourists are doing this all the time at this time of year. I'm also having the cool stuff from the US Army because of Dad. A first class tent, polar sleeping bag and some kind of expedition suit for extreme temperatures. I'm about to look like a superhero!_ ”

" _Sounding fantastic, Bucky!_ " It didn't, Steve would be terribly worried.

“ _I won't be able to text this_ _week. It's too cold for my phone out there. Screen technology's going crazy in the icy cold. But I've got a camera from the base and I can take pictures._ ”

_"Now you're at least fooling around with a polar bear."_

“ _I would never do that without you, you punk! I have to go to equipment check now. Then I'm going to sleep right away. I'm texting you again in a week._ ”

" _Take care of yourself._ " This time Steve thought that was perfectly appropriate.

As grateful as Steve was to his father for the achievement to ban the video from the Internet, he wanted to take advantage of the time he was having on hands now in the ten days of holidays. So at dinner, he suggested to his family that he would take care of Peter a lot, helping out Thor with his studies (the exam trimester was coming), and he promised Loki to take him to Washington for a day. Both were eager to visit Smithsonian again, Steve the American History Department and Loki the art collection.

"Do you want to join too, Thor?" Steve was asking his brother out of courtesy. Loki looked at him in horror. What should one be supposed to do with Thor at the museum? Fortunately, he waved it off. He was planning on inviting his clique to camp in the back garden for a few days. Trying out something like survival training and self-sufficiency. He asked his parents for permission. Pepper looked doubtful but Tony squeezed her hand reassuringly and nodded to the boy: “You're getting a handful of rules. You will stick to them. Otherwise: try it out! Good luck!" Self-sufficiency ... pffh. By this, the teeangers thought of living on peanut butter sandwiches, sweets and crisps for four days. To their health!

"Steve, darling, is Sharon coming to dinner sometime this week?" his mother asked. The fact that the answer took a long time to be coming was making his parents a little more attentive than he would have liked. Both of them now were looking at him questioningly. "Uh ... no, mom. Her .. we've broken up. Well, she's broken up. ”, His honest side had won against his pride. "Oh Steve ... I'm sorry. What happened?" Pepper was really sad about it. In her men's household she was been enjoying having a girl at the dinner table for once. Tony, who was not really surprised by the farewell of the now second Carter girl, said quietly:

"Maybe he doesn't want to tell, Pep." "Why?" Steve called out too quickly, too loudly. "I mean, we're teenagers, that's what happens." Tony thought Steve had been dating a little 'more' with Sharon than he had with Peggy at the time, but he was owing this to his now older age, he was to be getting 17 in just over two months, but his eldest hadn't been really envolved more with this Carter girl like he had been with the first one, to be honest. He was convinced of that. "I'm sorry, Steve!" Thor called. “Is she seeing someone else? She's definitely into really sporty boys!” "Thor!" Pepper called sternly.

"Mom! Sharon is full of sports and Steve can't pass a football like ten yerds!” Loki was snorting under his breath at that. Steve blushed and was pressing his lips together briefly. “It was more like realizing that our interests are too different. We both have been realizing that.” Pride 1 - Honesty - 0. "Can we change the subject?" Loki asked bored.

“Mother, father, I have suggestions for the library. I have filed our collection and I think that there are significant works missing.” His parents were staring at him. He had _what_? Neither of them had noticed. Then they glanced at each other, they would definitely have a conversation later that evening. Pepper's eyes were flashing reproachfully, Tony's stomach dropped a little. "What have you been thinking about, Puck?" "I'm sending you a list, father."

At that moment Peter was piping up: “I wend nurthry sgool thlide. Ouch.” Another flashing look from Pepper. As if he could have done something about _that_! Well, she was probably angry about him not telling her. "Look!" Peter pulled up a pants leg to proudly show a small scratch. “He's been going down on his stomach with his feet ahead and couldn't slow down in the end. He hasn't been crying that long.” Tony defended himself. "I wath cryin!" "Yes, but not for long, Miss Jackson told me." "I luv Mith Thadthon." Pepper froze but it wasn't the first time _Tony_ was hearing this.

“Miss Jackson has cooled his knee with a wet rag and then put a Spiderman bandaid on it. What can I say? He's in love now.” Tony scoulded. As if a wet rag and a three-cent bandaid were a medical revolution! "I can't remember a teacher by that name," Pepper said, who had been involved in Peter's registration process. "She's started there on the same day as Peter and was having no attachement child yet." Pepper was silent for a moment. Tony already knew what she was about to ask next. His boys all were looking at their plates with concentration. They also knew their mother ...

"Is she pretty?" Thor secretly high-fived Loki under the table. They were grinning furtively. Tony knowing to lie was futile. "Yes, ... as it is usually the case with young women." "And you've allowed a bloody beginner to become Peters attached nursery school teacher?" Pepper's tone had become that of a very worried mother. "I was assured that she had first-class exam grades like everyone else at the institution." Peter's nursery school was very exclusive. Pepper did not pursue the issue further. Instead, she was turning to Thor.

"Tell me about your planned survival camp." After Thor had been raving enthusiastically for a while, she said, “How about you building up your tents with your father tomorrow? I can take Peter to nursery school, so you two can be starting straight in the morning.“ "Yes, fantastic! Thank you mom!” „And Steve, darling, just be nice and pick him up at noon, right?” "Of course, mom." Tony shaking his head in her direction was as subtle as her triumphant mini-grin. And Tony was already feeling sorry for Miss Jackson. After all, the young woman couldn't help reminding of Natasha at her time as a Stark Industries intern: small, well-proportioned, wild red curls. He better was steeling himself for the next few days …

When the Starks went to bed, Pepper was looking at her husband reproachfully. “How could you _not_ have noticed Loki examining each of our approximately 5000 books and classifying them in a catalouge of fine taste?” Tony gave her a dirty look. "Tony, you don't have to look at me like that, I'm almost ten hours out of this house every day and ..." "Jarvis!" Tony interrupted. Pepper's eyebrows curled and she was looking a bit miffed. "Has there been access to the library database in the past few weeks?"

“Positive, sir. Mr Loki was asking for the complete data set and also instructing me to compare it to a list from a literary studies essay by his professor. May I add that the list you were givinge me earlier to add to the collection is identical to the list of works that were missing in this comparison?” The A.I. Was sounding a little smug as so often.

"Next time, put on 'Artificial Intelligence and how we can tell when they're kidding us', Jarvis." There was a short break.

"Sorry sir, I cannot find such an article in any bookshop's list.", The polite tone was back. "What a shame. That’s all, good night, Jarvis. ”

“Good night, sir, Mrs. Stark.” 'Good night' was the order to log out and stop listening. The banter had given Pepper time to regain her dignity. That score had gone to Tony, but that wasn't the only issue she was having on her agenda.

“Tony, I'm really not excited about giving Peter's upbringing to such an inexperienced person. I really liked Mrs Hawkins!” Mrs. Hawkins was a motherly lady in her 50s, round, cuddly, and chubby. At that time she had led the family around at nursery school. “Pep, we're not going to give Peter into a kibbutz for the next twelve years. He's only spending a few short hours a day in nursery school and his education is remaining in our hands. ”

“Do you like that he's adoring his teacher like that? And if at some point he would rather be living with her than with us? ” Pepper was now becoming irrational, a sign of great turmoil. "What's the real problem there?" "What do you mean, I'm just worried that ..." "Pep, honey, you're talking to me and I'm knowing you better than anyone, better than you're probably knowing yourself ... you know. What is really the problem?” Pepper was looking at him for a long time, fighting with herself. He was giving her the time. Then she suddenly changed the subject.

"What are you thinking about Steve and Sharon?" Tony was sighing inwardly. That was going to be another struggle. She was depressed about something and he had to find out what it was and for some reason she just was closing up like a shell. "It's a pity. Sharon is a nice girl.” "What may have happened?" Pepper hadn't known yet about her son's theater performance and Steve had asked his father to give him a little time to tell her about it himself when he had taken the courage. She never finding out about it was utopian. Finally, the yearly school's summer festival was about to come!

“It's been probably just like Steve said. About not having the same interests. Sharon is really very enthusiastic about sports and ...” “Tony, that's not true! Yes, she's into sports more than he is! But the two of them have a lot to talk about, their conversation's never ending!” Yes, Tony had noticed that too. Their conversation never stalled, not even to be looking at each other in love, or pressing their hands furtively, or giggling at a cute insider joke. But he wasn't saying a word. And he would certainly not tell that he had noticed this very special kind of tension about Steve when he was with his childhood friend ...

But still he was a little in the dark. However, what was obvious and indisputable was that Bucky Barnes was playing a huge role in Steve's life, whatever its nature, it didn't matter. And Bucky's importance to Steve would be a thorn in the side of many a girl and later a woman. Understandably. Tony himself had been dating a lot of women who were having a problem with his intimate friendship with Rhodey, and Pepper had been a notable exception, holding his best friend as something like the control system of his crazy brain cells _and_ she was stating to be very grateful of him.

“Maybe Thor was hitting the mark and she's fallen in love with another boy. That's happening very quickly at that age. And Steve also was looking a little insincere, which of course is forgiven, him being in such a situation.” Pepper was thinking for a moment. "Maybe you are right. Poor Steve.” "He's getting over it, I'm sure."

Pepper moved a little closer. “I'm sorry I've been so mean to you about Loki. I could have figured out myself that he wasn't going around with notes and pencils writing down all the books. It would have taken forever! What's on his supplementary list?” "A couple of modern European authors, his professor is from England." “Anything promising?” “I haven't looked into it yet. A youth novel about a road trip through Wallachia's sounding funny at first glance. It's gonna be in the mail soon.” Pepper's hand on his stomach was wandering under his shirt. Her fingers were drawing small, tender circles on his skin.

"How pretty is Miss Jackson now?" “Pretty enough for a two-year-old falling in love with her and with the suitable qualities. She's spending her day blowing bubbles and romping through the ball pool.“ „That's what's scaring me. You love soap bubbles and you're always having great fun in the ball pool ”, she said half jokingly, half seriously. “And for that I already have Peter and sometimes even still Thor. I'm rather doing different things to a woman.” His tone had changed. "What kind of things?" Her tone had adapted to his. His answer was just a hoarse whisper: "The ones I'm going to do to my wife right now." And then he put off the light on their bedside table by hand, Jarvis finally had been thrown out earlier.

He still was sensing that Pepper was still worrying about something that wasn't Miss Jackson or Loki's library OCD, if only for a very short time yet ... Only much later, the next winter, she was confessing to him to be jealous of him and Peter. But when Tony told her straight to the face that after three times the other way around he _was_ deserving a child who was preferreing him a little, she had to laugh at herself and simply giving in, being happy for him about it.

Steve was keeping his word, of course. He was studying with Thor and travelling to Washington with Loki right at the start of the vacation. They'd spent a wonderful day there, though not together most of the time. But on the return flight they had a lot to talk about and had a lot of fun together, which rarely happened. In the afternoons he was playing with Peter, reading books to him, and driving him to the ice cream parlour every day. And he'd found that Peter was the perfect wingman. Bucky always attracted girls, of course, and T'Challa did too, but it was completely different with Peter. He was cute and lovely and adorable, but of course not an option for a possible date.

So Steve's daily trip to the ice cream parlor with Peter was a real adventure every time. The girls hanging out there in the afternoon were joking with the toddler, chatting with him, and Peter was getting each one of them, with his charming manner and his extremely clever chatter for a two-year-old. The word 'sweet' was falling uncountable times, after which Peter looked blankly and licked the back of his hand and then said: "Not thweet at all" One of the girls they were meeting every day, Melissa, was looking at Steve inquisitively one day:

“He's your brother, isn't he? Not your child?” Steve was laughing at that. “Of course he's my brother. Peter, tell the young lady. Are you my brother?” Peter was frowning , what a strange question. "Thdeeve my brother." “So Steve it is. I'm pleased to meet you." Steve took her outstretched hand. "Likewise. Melissa, isn't it?” "You are attentive." "If it is worth it." Melissa looked down briefly, only to give a promising look back at Steve after.

"Any chance to meet you without an attachment?" Peter was just devoted to his ice cream. Steve smiled at the girl: “I can take him home and come back later. Would that be in your mind?” Melissa looked at Peter. Steve too: "Pete, you want to go home?" "goin home to Fhiday." "Friday is his cat," Steve explained. "Pets are so important to children," Melissa was purring. She was really pretty, small, a little curvy, with large tits and slightly slanted cat eyes. Steve was looking at her challenging. "So?"

"Eight o'clock? In the parking lot of the drugstore. Do you have a car?" "Yes." "We can ... be driving around a bit." Steve was losing his virginity in the back seat of his VW that evening


	38. What happens in Greenland...

**What Happens in Greenland...**

Bucky, meanwhile, was in a comfortable tent on permanent ice the fourth day in a row, at the moment eagerly writing in his beloved red notebook. 'Comfortable' was of course an exaggeration. The tent was small and low, but it was heated and Bucky was able to take off the protection suit. Around midnight he would put it back on, because then the low sun would be colouring the glacier world around them. Pretty unique, he was looking forward to it. A voice from outside pulled him out of his thoughts.

"I can't knock here, so _knock, knock_." "Uh ... come in?" Bucky replied. The zipper on his tent was opened from the outside and Sverre Johanson stuck his head in. A Dane from the group, Bucky thought of him as early-to-mid-20s, and they hadn't exchanged three words yet. "May I come in? It's so cold in that darn hut!” Bucky grinned. The expedition members, who at the end of each day were divided into the huts of the locals instead of tents, were swearing at the damn cold, the tents were heated, huts were not.

"Make yourself at home." Sverre left his ice-encrusted boots in front of the tent and carefully closed the tent entrance behind him. "Oh my god, this is heaven in here," he sighed. Then he was peeling off his down jacket and skiing pants. He was wearing a jogging suit underneath. "Snickers?" Bucky held out a candy bar. "No thanks. I'm on a diet like the damn last six years. Unsuccessfully so, as you can see.” Sverre was a bit plump and had a round, very nice face. Bucky said, "Maybe that's the body that's just for you no matter what you're doing. Now take the candy, hell.” Sverre took it and unwrapped it. With a sigh of devotion, he was taking a bite. "Oh God, so good," he muttered.

After devouring the candy bar, Sverre was looking at Bucky, who had continued writing in his notebook. He looked up because he realized he was being watched. "Wow," the Dane whispered. "You _are_ really dead gorgeous." Bucky raised his eyebrows. "I've noticed you looking at the dog trainer," Sverre continued. The dog trainer was a well-built half-Inuit, almost 30 and father of three children, he was also very attractive. "You're gay." Bucky was frowning. "Problem with that?" Sverre laughed out loudly. “Except that you are adorable and me being a small, fat guy not having the slightest chance? No, why now?" Bucky was speechless for a moment. "Oh, come on, don't go over the top." He looked down at his notes again, his brows still drawn.

"Probably someone's told you that before.", Sverre chuckled, "I'm trying something different: are you very worried about President Trump?" "What the ...?" Bucky looked confused. “Because of his immigration policy. He's about to send you straight back to heaven.” Now he had to laugh. He'd heard loads of pickups in life. That indeed was original. "So _that's_ what you look like when you're laughing," the man smiled admiringly at Bucky. "What do you mean by that? It's not the first time I've laughed since we've been out here.” “But genuinely so for the first time. Why are you always so sad? ” “Listen, I don't know what you're talking about. If you've come here to hit on me, just stick to the soppy remarks. That's working better. ” Sverre gave him a thoughtful look, then was grinning broadly again. "So are you telling me there is a chance?" Jim Carey's imitation in Dumb and Dumber was so to the point that the man had become the famous meme coming to life.

Bucky, finally putting the notebook aside was smiling at Sverre. "Why are you so surprised?" "Are you kidding?" He looked down at himself and made a funny, half-sad, half-amused face. Bucky scrunched his nose and was smirking meanly: "Do I look like I'm joking?" He was looking as wicked as Heath Ledger once as The Joker. The other laughed out loud. "You're proficient in meme-ish!" “I am very well educated. I'm going to a pretty posh New York school.“ „New York, then? You can’t hear it.” “I've lived in quite a few places. On various military bases. My dialect has gone lost over the years.” "So have you been coming around quite a lot?" "Not _that_ lot as you might think." That came across pretty flirty. They fell silent for a while, the sudden tension in the small heated tent was palpable. Sverre cleared his throat in embarrassment.

"Before I'm saying anything stupid ... I know I'm out of your league, but I can't help it. You're so damn hot and ... Oh god, I've said something stupid. I can even add one more: Are you to blame for global warming? Yes, I know, lame.” "Wasn't the highlight so far, no." "Hm ... what is a decent boy like you doing in my dirty thoughts? Better?" Bucky grinning wryly: "A little, yes. Do you have more?" “I'm slowly running out of lines. Has to be because I'm hardly able to think anymore." "Come on, one is still around, I'm feeling it." “If my right leg was Christmas and my left leg Thanksgiving, would you like to come between the holidays?” Bucky licked his lips, his mouth was completely dry. "You're speaking with a supple tongue ...", he said a little breathlessly. "Oh, I can stop and do something else with it." “I've got one, too: I'm like M&M melting in your mouth, not in your hand. ”

Sverre's eyes flashed. “That's been _lame_! Disgrace! But if one's looking like you, a lame pickup line is excused, I guess.” Bucky thought of Steve immediately. _Yes, of course ..._ "Can we be talking about something else than my looks for five minutes?" "Give my mouth something to do and I won't talk about _anything_ anymore." Bucky was shifting uneasily. Sverres face got a little dark at that. "Excuse me. I guess I've let myself be a little overwhelmed. It's okay if you've just wanted to be flirting a little...“ Bucky interrupted him: "It's not like that! I ... ”, he stopped embarrassed. "You are with someone," the Dane stated. Bucky laughed a little hollow. "No ... listen, I ..." "You don't have to keep talking, it's okay. I already know what you want to say. I've never imagined getting this far in my wildest dreams. You flirting with me like you're meaning it. That was really cute from you ... ”

“Don't you tell such _non_ sense! Don't let yourself getting you down! Come on, that's bullshit!” Bucky called excitedly. “You're thinking that I've somehow _deserved_ my face, have done something great and that was the reward? I can't do as much as how I'm looking like anyone else. Sometimes I wish ... oh don't bother now. But telling you one thing: Everyone's thinking ' _oh look at him, he's so pretty. He must be so lucky and happy. Everything in his life just has to be fantastic!_ ' I'm telling you, fucking _nothing_ in my life is fantastic in the slightest. I've had _one_ serious relationship with another man and he's been an abusive fucker only seeing a sweet little plaything in me. _That's_ what you're getting with a face like mine.” Sverre swallowed. That outbreak was one hell of a trip. Bucky was panting heavily, eyes glistening from unshead tears. He was hating himself for killing the mood. Bucky was looking as unhappy and sad again as most of the past few days. It had been so nice to hear him joking and laughing. “I'm better leaving now. I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot.”, The Dane was reaching for his skiing pants.

”Before you're going, one more thing: Earlier I've just been about to tell I haven't been able to wash properly for four days and can't imagine that you're going to consider it particularly sexy if I let down my pants. That's in fact what I've wanted to do: dropping my pants. You are nice and funny and you're having pretty sparkling eyes, a charming smile and beautiful hands. I've wanted to. Believe it or not. I am still to be honest.” Sverre was stunned, dead silent and looking Bucky in the eye for a long time. "Do not go." Then he believed him. He was making a choked sound as his blood was rushing to the center of his body.

"I want to kiss you ..." he gasped. Bucky's breath went faster: "At least I've been brushing my teeth regularly, so ..." Bucky sensed the other one was too shy to take the first step, so he put both hands on his face pulling him close. When their lips met, Sverre made a small sound deep in his throat and Bucky was deepening the kiss. For minutes there was only heavy breathing and an occasional sigh to be heard in the small tent. Bucky broke off briefly whispering against Sverre's lips.

"You're tasting like chocolate." “And you're just tasting like heaven. Even better than I've imagined.“ There kissing was lingering, going on for ages. Bucky's one hand in the neck of the other, his other one tenderly but firmly around his chin, the thumb painted small circles near the corner of his mouth. The Dane was putting his arms around Bucky, his hands went up his back and then all ten fingers were in his hair. He grunted contentedly as he was combing the silky strands with his fingers and Bucky let his head sink a little backwards into the touch. Sverre's mouth went down his neck and he was sucking on the delicate skin of the dimple in his collarbone. When he was getting a little moan from Bucky, the grip in his hair tightened.

"Mmm ...", he longingly sighed, unfolding his long legs from the cross-legged position in which he had been all the time, stretching them out and pulling the man who was kneeling in front of him between them. It quickly got heated. The kissing was wilder, more demanding, their hands had started wandering, stealing under the thermal underwear, both of them were wearing under the outdoor suits. Bucky scrambled to his knees, pressing his middle to Sverre's and started rotting against him. But that was not enough, it was not enough for noone. And it would not be very wise to come in their pants, of course they didn't have too much clothes with them for changing. Without pants, they would soon be uncomfortable when it started to stick and dry because they couldn't wash. Panting, they broke apart.

"Well that's pretty frustrating." Bucky sighed. "Yes. Unless...“ „What? Unless what?" Sverre was a bit embarrassed. Red in the face, he pulled his down jacket towards him. "That may seem a bit over the top and overconfident now, but ...", he rummaged in the pockets of the jacket and conjured up cleaning wipes, some condoms and a small bottle of watermelon tasting lubricant. He wasn't looking at Bucky. "But _you_ are well prepared for an expedition to permanent ice ...", he laughed dryly, ... I only have the army special suit and the high-tech tent, but you ... Blimey" Sverre was laughing with relief.

"With a chance of one in a thousand, I'd only be much more annoyed if not, wouldn't I?" They were silent again for a while, then Bucky took a deep breath and said seriously, "Take off your clothes." His voice was deep, his eyes dark and the next moment he pulled his undershirt over his head. His hair was a wild mess and his lips shimmering seductively when he was looking at Sverre from under long eyelashes. He hesitated. Bucky's sight was making his head fuzzy. He was just perfect! And his own body having so many flaws. They couldn't even turn off the lights. Here you got 24 hours of daylight at this time of year. It was dim in the tent opposite to the outside, but you could still see enough, too much for his taste, when he thought about his additional pounds. His inner conflict was clearly to be seen on his face.

"Hey ..." Bucky called softly, "Come here, baby." He reached for him, pulling him into his arms and kissing him tenderly, moving his lips from his mouth over his cheek to his ear, the tip of his tongue teasing his earlobe, and then sucking on the sensitive area under it. He was pushing up his undershirt and nestling against his upper body. "Yes, baby, I want to feel you," he whispered. Sverre's hands eagerly started exploring Bucky's back, his flanks, soft skin and firm muscles. He no longer noticed what Bucky was doing with his clothes, he was feeling so wonderful on his touch. And when he pulled Sverre's shirt over his head and immediately pressing himself back to him, he didn't mind being too short and plump anymore. He was in heaven ...

*

After the event of the low sun illuminating the glacier, Bucky pulled the Dane back to his tent. "Stay with me." And they were doing that for the rest of the expedition. They weren't doing much, tnot feeling clean enough for that. But they were kissing for hours every night, jerking each other off, the watermelon lube was smelling fresh and pleasant, sometimes they'd put on condoms to prevent a mess, and if not, they had the cleaning wipes. But most importantly, they had so much fun together. Even during the day. Laughing together, telling stupid joks, speaking 'meme-ish' and just having a great time. The last night, Bucky told Sverre about Steve after the Dane had confessed to him in a sad, weird mood that he was falling in love ...

"I wish I could stop down time." “Then I'm never getting to senior high. My life is botched!“ Bucky replied theatrically. They were cuddled up naked in Bucky's sleeping bag, which could be expanded with a few nifty zippers. "Why are there double sleeping bags in the US Army?" Sverre changed the subject. Bucky laughed. “I've asked my dad that too. He had a rock-solid heterosexual explanation for this: If a comrade is wounded and convalescing, his weakened body is quickly losing body heat. The best remedy is a second body and the air around them warming him up by staying together in the sleeping bag. Dad hasn't thought it to be funny when I've remarked that's working best naked, but it's fact, as we can tell now.” It was really snugly warm, even though the heating was off, the fuel had run out two hours ago.

"So your family's knowing you're gay?" Bucky's mouth went hard for a moment, he swallowed painfully, and then replied, “Yes, and they're not thrilled. Let's talk about something else. ” “Tomorrow our adventure's over. It' been great. More than that. Incredible! I've never done anything so extraordinary in life.” "Yes. I'm feeling the same way. I'm never gonna forget.” "I'm never gonna forget over you," Sverre exclaimed. " _Baby ..._ " "Oh no, what's next? 'I'm seeing you more as a friend' or 'That about us was a mistake'?” the Dane tragically comed the situation and himself. Bucky took a deep breath. “I _like_ to be with you. You are a wonderful person deserving all the luck in the world, really!” "But?" Bucky was silent for a moment, but then gave a start. He would probably never see Sverre again. He would go back to Denmark and himself to New York, to _Steve_ ... who didn't want him.

"There is someone who ... So, I love him. I have already half of my life! ”, he called out passionately. Then, ashamed, he added, "Sorry, maybe I should have told you that from the start." The man closed his eyes to hold back his tears and hugged Bucky more tightly. “I've thought something like that. I mean, why is someone like you alone? Obviously so sad and lonely? It's coming out of your pores!” Bucky made a strange choked sound. “Baby ... The guy has to be a fool. Come on, let it out, if you want to cry, then cry, if you want to curse, then curse and if you want me to just hold you and tell you how lovable and unique you are ... well, that's mere child's play. ”

Bucky was overwhelmed by his feelings after these words and he couldn't be keeping back himself. He was clinging desperately and helplessly to Sverre and weeping bitter tears onto his chest. Sverre was rubbing his back gently, combing his hair, muttering soothing unrelated nonsense, and ignoring his own breaking heart. Bucky uttered broken half-sentences: "I'm so sorry ... I haven't meant to ... I haven't been using you, honestly ... I really like you ... I've never wanted you falling in love with me .. it's all so miserable ... I'm a disaster“ „Despite all the tragedy and misery, it's damn nice to fall in love with you. Here on permanent ice, pretty romantic! ” Bucky sobbed and choked at the same time. Then he said softly: "I hope ... you know I wish I could …" "Shht, don't say that." Bucky obediently didn't go on. "Do you want to tell me about him?" "You don't want to hear that." “But you have to get rid of it all. That has to get out of you. Otherwise you're going to explode at some point. ” Bucky thought for a moment, relaxing a little, and rested his head on Sverre's chest.

“Steve was ten, I was eleven. We met for the first time in summer camp at Lake Erie. Two boys had caught a frog and put it in a bucket. Then they were poking it with sticks. Steve confronted them and was taking on them. He was quite small and scrawny, even for a ten year old. I'd have never thought he was my age. At least, the poor frog was at least forgotten and instead the guys were pushing Steve around. I didn't like that. Two against one and after torturing a frog? ” Bucky's pensive voice, the smile to be heard in his words at the memory, Sverre closed his eyes and was listening to him enjoying his closeness.

“Anyway, we screwed up the assholes together. After that Steve was sharing his first aid kit that his parents gave him and we made friends. From then on we were inseparable. Steve'd given me the name 'Bucky'!” “I've already thought that this wasn't your real name. What's your real name? ” "James." “How are you coming to 'Bucky' from there?” He laughed. “In a competition, my name was misspelled on the board. My full name is 'James Buchanan Barnes' and one of the supervisors had spelled 'Buchanan' with a 'ck'. Steve was howling with laughter and calling me 'Buck' for days. It soon became 'Bucky' because I'd sometimes called him 'Stevie'. That's the story. ”

"Got stuck, the name." "Mhm." Bucky snuggled closer planting a quick kiss to Sverre's chin. “We were completely flabbergasted and delighted when we found ourselves in the same school after holidays, the middle school, which is part of our private high school. I've been there for a year, I'm older and when I'd seen Steve at the welcoming ceremony ... ” Bucky told and told story after story until he was hoarse. Story after story, in which he and Steve were tying their bond tighter and tighter …

Sverre Johanson was holding the prettiest boy he had ever met in his arms listening to him falling in love at the age of twelve, so madly and endlessly. Poor Bucky. This Steve certainly loved him too, but just like a brother or a very important friend. And not the way Bucky wished him to. He didn't know what to say. Whether he should say anything about it at all, putting his own interests behind. Because he was sensing if this obsession, this devotion to Steve would not exist, then maybe Bucky, _then_ he might fall in love with himself, despite being short and plump ... Bucky suddenly interrupted himself:

"When's your flight to Denmark?" “I'm at a hotel in Qaanaag for a few more days to regenerate. Why do you ask?" Bucky looked up at him, then brought himself up to kiss Sverre. "Would you like to take me to dinner, freshly showered and all dolled up?" The Dane huffed out his breath through his nose. He hadn't been prepared for it. He quipped, "You have just been raving about some other dude for over two hours, what's giving you the idea I'm overly keen on seeing you ungrateful guy again?"

"I'm showing you." Bucky went down on Sverre's body kissing and licking... He grabbed him by the arms halfway. "I'm stinking like an otter down there." "Otters aren't stinking, they're in the water most of the time," Bucky whispered. "Yes, that's right ..." Sverre replied weakly. "So ..", Bucky slid down further. “I'm inviting you to dinner. Tomorrow! But don't you come too close to my stinky crotch. The wipes are no longer sufficient in number for puke” the Dane called out desperately. Bucky laughed and was working his way up again.


	39. ...Stays in Greenland

**...Stays in Greenland**

The next few days, uptil the end of the holidays, Bucky stayed at Sverre Johanson's hotel apartment. He had made him spaghetti the first night they were back at the air base, and Bucky was flirting so uninhibitedly and with clear intentions from the moment he had appeard on the threshold, clean, dolled up and sexy, so Sverre almost forgot about the pasta. In the little kitchen corner where Bucky had followed him, he came close behind him, putting his arms around his middle, nibbling on the back of his neck and whispered in his ear:

"I don't have to have dinner ... take me to your bed." Sverre's knees got a bit wobbly. "Oh no, Bucky Barnes," he said shakily. “I haven't gotten this body from nothing. I'm an excellent cook and it was incredibly difficult to get tomatoes in Greenland. You're gonna eat and appropriately praise my cooking skills. There's nothing I'm doing better than spaghetti à la Romana.” "Oooh," Bucky purred, "I'm sure you can do something else quite well. I'm gonna praise you most profusely, promise.” His hand went to Sverre's crotch, finding something that seemed to be most appreciative of Bucky's words. Sverre gave him a pat on the back of his hand and turned. A mistake. Looking at him and scolding at the same time was almost impossible. Silky shiny dark hair falling into his bedroom eyes, the lips moist and full and the worst: now Bucky was pressing another part of his anatomy against him.

"Bucky Barnes, I'm a decent man and we're having dinner at least once before I'm making another course out of _you_." “So I'm your dessert? Should have told me straightaway. It's smelling like heaven. The food's been the only thing that was adventurously bad on our trip.” Sverre blinked. "What are you waiting for? The sooner we're finished, the faster we're getting to dessert.” “You're about to enjoy my food if you please. I'm expecting pleasant conversation and would like to be a little wooed. You're oweing me the watermelon lube experinence, don't forget that.” "Oh yes, I'm oweing you the life-long effect of getting a boner from the smell of watermelon" Bucky grinned. The Dane laughed out:

“What an achievement. Have to add it to the list for my biography.” "I hope you're gonna have more about me for the list afterwards." Sverre was laughing shaking his head. “Bucky, Bucky, I have to say, that's a fairly a loose mouth you've got on you. Are you having a break sometimes?” "I can do a lot more than talking big with it, be sure." “Yes, yes, That's what I've thought. But now you are finally feasting on delicious spaghetti with it, for heaven's sake!” He was pushing the younger one vigorously to the table, where the dinner was nicely set, with pasta plates, cloth napkins and a candle. Then he'd served his famous spaghetti à la Romana. And wine. After all, they were on Danish territory where Bucky was allowed to drink alcohol at the age of 18.

*

In New York, Steve was at a party with Melissa and friends of hers who were already attending college. In New York, you were only allowed alcohol over 21. The tequila sunrise in Steve's red plastic cup hadn't asked for his ID ... Steve was blind to the girl, the intermezzo in the backseat of the VW had been followed by numerous other ones. He'd dutifully introduced her to his parents and she was flattering both of them just as you might expect from a girl from the town attending public school and living in a shabby apartment building with her unemployed father and odd jobs working brother. The Starks had no class conceits, but Melissa was obviously a bit too impressed with Steve's status and the wealth of his family.

She couldn't keep up with his education and intellect, but Steve wasn't at all interested in that. During sex she always was one step ahead and showing him everything he needed to know. The loud and wild party took place in the hall of a disused tool producing company. It was dirty, the windows full of cobwebs and broken, the smell of marijuana billowing over their heads. Melissa also had a joint between her fingers and was now holding it out to Steve. He shook his head, raising his cup, taking a large sip. She shrugged indifferently taking a drag herself. A girl came over calling something in her ear. Nothing could be heard over the loud music but the joint changed hands and Melissa was pulling Steve to the dance floor.

His third cocktail was making Steve sick. He hurried to the nasty, filthy washroom and threw up until tears were falling from his eyes. And none of the taps were working. He couldn't even rinse his mouth. He went back to the party looking for a drink helping with puke-smelling breath. There was peppermint liqueur …

*

The pasta had been fantastic! The wine conjured up a pink tinge on Bucky's cheeks, but maybe it wasn't the wine at all, he wasn't drinking very quickly. Rather, the company and conversation was the reason he laughed a lot, eyes sparkling, making to him take off the indifferent mask that had made him an outsider in high school. Few really had been knowing him, his real self. Steve of course. Shuri sometimes. Hardly anyone else had the slightest idea about the unapproachable lone wolf and idolized star of junior high Drama class nobody had ever been able to win over, being completely different inside. His host felt like heaven and at the same time strangely damned. He had to be in a dream that was so real it would be hurting horribly when he'd wake up.

But he wasn't about to wake up yet. Bucky was still flirting with him, but not as aggressively anymore, so he could concentrate on the conversation more and he was happy about Bucky's lively manner, interesting views, good education and keen mind. While talking about school, he learned about the unusual combination of classes like maths and technology with drama and media, which was leading to his interest in engineering and Bucky's internship at 'a repair shop'. Then they were talking about Sverre's job.

He was an author, writing travel guides for a major Danish publisher and entrusted Bucky he was working on his first novel, a typical Scandinavian dark thriller, with a gay commissioner. He promised to send Bucky a signed first edition if he'd ever publish his work. Bucky was working on his thesis for his best class. He had programmed an A.I. to write a theatrical play based on various influences such as Shakespeare's comedies, Arthur Canon Doyle, Harry Potter and other works from both world literature and pop culture. He promised to send a video.

"When's your birthday?" He asked the Dane. He smiled mysteriously. “I'm giving you a clue. For the first time in my life I've used watermelon lube to wash my private parts.” Bucky was staring at him speechless for a few moments. Then he was acting to be outraged:

"Why haven't you said anything? Wow, I gave you a Snickers for your birthday.” "Exactly it's been a little bit more." Sverre was smiling. They looked at each other over their empty plates and wine glasses vividly remembering their first night on ice together. “Yes, it was. You're right." “It's been also my first snickers in months. I've been on a diet. So, it hasn't been a bad gift! The other one has been even better” he winked.

"So what age are you now?" Sverre was turning a little pink. "Some wine?" "Just tell me! Time is only a construct, so age is too.” Bucky laughed. “28.” The room fell silent. After a few moments, Bucky stated evenly, "I've pictured you much younger." “That's the plus thing about being overweight. The extra pounds making wrinkles disappear.” “You are _not_ overweight. Go to a Walmart in New York, then you're gonna see overweight.” Bucky grunted reluctantly suddenly looking a bit stressful, his thoughts seemed to be racing. Sverre flusked feeling hot and cold, then again hot, terrible. He had killed the mood for another time. He just wasn't good at that. Taking a deep breath he calmly asked.

"Bucky, are you mad?" " _Mad?_ " He blurted out in disbelief. “Maybe I should have told you, I mean… A 10 years age gap is a big thing. But it's not like I've proposed for marriage or something like that... Oh God, I'm doing really bad again, right?” Bucky was chuckling. The Dane's nervous, awkward embarrassment was just ... totally cute. "Relax. You've done nothing wrong. Yes, you've been cooking for me, but it was pasta and not a lobster. And you haven't put a Porsche in front of my door or got me golden handcuffs.” "Uh ...", Sverre was confused, not able to make head nor tail of Bucky's words.

"And I won't have to call you 'daddy', will I?" Bucky asked becoming more precise now. "Oh." Sverre swallowed. "Oh no! No no no! Oh, God, have you thought ... I'm not _that_ kind of person. Good God, they're already starting at my age? I've thought I'd been supposed to have some grey in my hair at the least... ”, his speech died down because Bucky so obviously was suppressing a laugh. Then he got serious. His eyes were wild, seemed to be burning. Silvery fire ... "What?" "We've had dinner. Our plates are empty. Time for dessert. Now finally bring me to your bed.“ Bucky urged, and then he got up, went around the table and stopped next to Sverre, looking down at him.

"I've been dreaming of that since you've kissed me for the first time." "You've kissed me ..." the other man answered hoarsely. Bucky leaned down, grabbing his head, running his fingers through his hair and whispered, "Problem with that?" Then he pressed his lips to Sverre's mouth, imperiously asking for admission and kissing him deeply after having the Dane's approval. When he stopped to catch his breath, Sverre sighed: "No problem at all." …

*

Steve had told his parents that he had planned a video night with Sam in the city and would be back the next morning. They had no reason to not believe him. Now he was too drunk to drive, in a shabby company hall in the New York harbor area, and was preparing himself for a night in the car. April nights were still a bit cold ... Melissa, whom he hadn't seen in over half an hour, appeared out of nowhere:

"There you are! Come on, I've found a place to sleep.” She was pulling him to the fire escape by his hand and they climbed up. She directed Steve through the window on the third floor, careful of the splinters, and in the office beyond there was a stained mattress and a couple of dirty blankets in a corner. It was looking like a junkie's hiding place. Steve suppressed a choke from disgust. But that quickly evaporated when Melissa was pulling her shirt over her head, then slipping out of her skinny jeans. Her tiny underwear wasn't hiding much from sight. Steve'd lost his head and didn't give a damn about the dirt. He was lucky that at the very last moment he was still thinking of the condom in his pocket …

In the morning he was creeping into his home unseen after bringing home Melissa and he was been taking a long shower before practising his most honest look in front of the mirror for the breakfast table, where he would tell about his 'video night'. He skillfully fooled his whole family. Almost. Except Loki - and Tony. He noticed that something was going on in his eldest's life and decided to be paying more attention to him in the near future - and not telling Pepper. She was struggling with a secret grief that was still hidden from him at the moment, which made Tony's heart aching. He sighed inwardly. His wandering eyes fell on Thor. He had to smile.

The boy was pure joy. The 'survival week' with his friends was over and nothing had happened to anyone. Everyone had been following the rules and having a great time. Thor would make his way, straightforward and uncomplicated as he was, and not be causing any unsolvable problems. Loki was watching Steve with slightly narrowed eyes. He was an excellent observer. Largely spared from confusing feelings and exuberant emotions, he had a wise eye full of calculation for his fellow human beings and was sometimes able to read them like books. Steve, who was a miserable actor, was to be seen through without effort …

*

Bucky and Sverre had spent a wonderful night together with passion, tenderness and no watermelon lube at all. They finally just wanted to smell and taste each other using the neutral one. Around noon, Bucky went back to the base to have lunch with his father. He had promised that. Coming to the wardroom for lunch every day, otherwise Major Barnes was allowing his gay son to do whatever he wanted. He had been very relieved about James not hitting on anyone at the base. He would have died of shame …

When he'd picked him up after the excursion on ice, he noticed the looks his son and the short fat man were exchanging, wondering briefly about James' taste. On the other hand, the fattie had probably been the only other queer in the group. _Them_ were actually finding each other everywhere... After taking a long shower, Bucky went out to lunch with his father and they had been having a surprisingly nice time with Bucky sharing his adventure (outside the tent) and Major Barnes being proud of James for keeping a stiff upper lip, as young as he was, and also, well ... _gay_. Since he wasn't saing _that_ out loud, they hadn't started argueing and when Bucky'd politely asked him if he could spend the rest of the vacation with 'a friend', Major Barnes generously allowed him on the one condition having lunch with him once a day for keeping up with each other.

One fantastic night was turned into three. And most of daytime they were also staying in bed ... Then it was time to say goodbye. Bucky had to go back to New York with school starting again in two days and Sverre's upcoming depart to Copenhagen.

“Don't go back to Denmark. Cancel your flight. Come with me to New York ...” Bucky whispered urgently. Sverre stiffened at that. "Don't do that," he said, softly, sitting up. Bucky's head slipped off his chest and he was looking at him in confusion. "What? What am I not supposed to do?” "Don't give me _hope_." That came out a bit harsh. Bucky also got up. "Baby ... but ... I want you to come with me. We could be together. In New York. And don't you come at me with your job. You can be writing books anywhere in the world. I'm going to school for another year and then we're gonna see where we are about to go _together_ , I'm attending college and you ... you'd do what you do and ..." He was losing thread when noticing the dismissive expression on the Dane's face.

"Sverre ...?", That came out very quiet and extremely sad. He closed his eyes briefly, but straightening his shoulders when he stated: "This is _crazy._ We can't do that, Bucky.” Bucky was staring at him, his face just eyes and a round, O-shaped mouth. Sverre had never hated himself so much in life and would never again be doing it the way doing now. "But ... we ... it is … you and I ..." Bucky stammered desperately then pulling himself together: "I _want_ this! We _can_ be working it out!" Sverre now felt this was the moment of waking up from his dream. He was gathering all his strength: "No." "What do you mean by 'no'?" Bucky's voice was bright and shaky.

“You know what 'no' is meaning. This is working here in Greenland. But that's the point. What happens in Greenland, stays in Greenland.” That was tearing him apart, but he just had to do it. Bucky was growing even paler. "I don't understand ..." "We're living so different lives outside of this mini-universe, you can't be mixing them up. That's just not working. How are you picturing that? You're going to high school, I have a nice little house in Copenhagen, a great job. Contacts to publishers there. It would be insane to give this up for ...” he couldn't get it out. He couldn't bring himself to drag his feelings for Bucky into the dirt, making them dispensable.

"For what?" Bucky's voice was firm again. "You do not have to say anything anymore. I'm not expecting anyone to give up _anything_ for me, _risking_ something for me. Doing something _for me_! ” Sverre knew that Bucky was really hurt now. And very angry. That was better. Something he would get over with easier and it was better that way ... "It's not like that, baby. You have to understand you can't rush something like that. We can be texting and calling and we'll see what happens ...“ „You're a pitiful coward, Sverre Johanson.” Bucky got out of bed with stiff movements, fishing for his boxers. "You've said it yourself: You have never felt this way with someone before!"

“That's normal bedroom etiquette. You're just supposed to say that. I ... I'm sorry, you can't know that, you are still ...” “What?” Bucky interrupted him heatedly turning back to him. "What am I? Quite a damn virgin? Just a child? Is that what you've wanted to say? Or rather, and I'm quoting you from last night: 'You are the dream that I've had for 15 years now and it has just like this come true.' What now exactly? ” Sverre was blinking in surprise. Bucky had memorized that word for word. How could he have been carried away so much to get so damn honest, eh? He caught himself again. "And you are hardly having more years on you than that dream. Isn't that making you reconsidering?" "What does it matter?" Bucky called in a high, overturning voice. The Dane took a deep breath saying carefully:

“And besides, you yourself have had a dream. For half of your life now. Your dream is Steve.” The silence that followed was deafening. Bucky was sitting on the edge of the bed reaching out for his jeans with slow, measured movements. He no longer looked at Sverre. Then he got into his pants.

"Bucky ..." "Why can't I find my second sock? Why? Where's my second sock?” Then Bucky suddenly started crying, hiding his face in his hands. Between choked sobs he uttered: “You _might_ have been able to make me getting over Steve. I've never _in live_ thought that there was someone like that ... but then I met you ... ", he sniffeled. „I've never met a man like you!“ Sverre swallowed. His heart was heavy and somehow too big in his chest and he knew this was his most bitter moment in life. „You could have been the one, Sverre, maybe.“

"The problem is: _'Maybe'._ " Bucky said nothing, so he continued quietly. "That's not enough for me." Bucky kept silent. 'Maybe' was a damned mean word ... he was understanding Sverre who was putting his hand shyly on his back, Bucky let him, so he kept talking: “And that's not what you want. You don't want to _forget_ Steve. You want him to love you. The way you're loving him.” They weren't be talking about this after their last night out on the ice. "And if that's never happening?" Bucky asked hollowly turning around again. Looking at his lover like some wounded deer. Sverre Johanson sighed.

“Then you will continue anyway. You will go on. Life's still having something else in store for you and you'll love it. Certainly. That's how things are going. ” Bucky coughed out one last little sob. Then he smiled half sadly, half amused. “Gosh, you're really old. Only wise old men are saying things like that!” Sverre punched him lightly on his shoulder. "All in all, it wasn't bad for an old man, was it?" Bucky was smirking and suddenly looking very much like his seductively, daring, self-confident, Casanova-like alter ego. The mask on him was back and the Dane felt he needed it. It was protecting him. He had been preferring him without.

"Not _at all_ bad. How much time do we actually have?” Sverre rolled his eyes. “There's nothing in there anymore, sorry. You've really destroyed me. Soon I'm gonna be 30! But believe it or not: at 18 I'd put it away better, just like you I was ready to fire away again after minutes.” Bucky laughed briefly then he got serious again. "May I say goodbye to you to at the airport?" Sverre shook his head: “Farewells at the airport are just so miserable. Tell me your goodbyes here and now.“ „Or 'Bye, keep in touch'?" "Or that." He didn't believe in that, but keeping it to himself. "Kiss Me." Bucky breathed. And this time Sverre kissed Bucky. A long time, and he was saving every moment of it to his memory, never ever about to forget.

The next afternoon, Bucky boarded a US Army plane to New York. In his luggage he had a USB stick with breathtaking pictures of his adventure, a travel blog in his notebook and the memory of a unique love affair. He would only share two of the three with anyone. He and Sverre had agreed on waiting for a while before getting in touch again. Bucky was holding to it and when he tried to get in contact a while later, he found out the email address and phone number Sverre had given him were wrong. His lover had thought that to be the best. Sverre Johanson would never forget about Bucky ...


	40. Parted Ways?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: non-supportive parent of a gay character; gay-shaming; slight fat-shaming; verbal abuse
> 
> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Parted Ways?**

Major Barnes who took him to the plane was hugging his son awkwardly when they said goodbye. "I'm glad you've had a nice spring break, boy." "Thanks Dad, it's been really fantastic." “It's been a challenging adventure that you've been daring to do there. I'm so proud of you. Oh, and James, your mother's written to ask if I'm allowing her to contact you. Well, you're 18, grown up, and I don't think that's my decision. What am I about to tell her?” Bucky was stunned. His father hadn't said such nice things to him in a long time. "Dad?" he frowned. George Barnes looked down, embarrassed. "What are you saying? What do you want me to tell her?” Bucky was considering for a moment.

“Tell her I'm fine. But I'm gonna need some time. Ask her to try a little further from now again. Or leaving it, in whatever mood she's gonna be then.” His father was looking at him regretfully. “I know that's been very difficult for you. I am sorry." Bucky was speechless for a moment. "What's what _you've_ wanted to tell her, Dad?" Major Barnes took a deep breath, straightening his shoulders, and looking in his son's face. "James ... she's your mother and I don't want you to ... I've wanted to tell her to leave you alone. I've _wanted_ to make clear that one damn thing: she's not having any right to do this to you – any right yet to be entitled of having you - after what she's done. She's stolen your car and all! Seriously. ” Bucky laughed. “Worth of about $ 400."

“All the same, regardless the figure. She'd loved you when you were a small boy, even lionized you. I'm sure she's still loving you. She only hates me and I'm sorry, James, really sorry.” Bucky didn't know what to say. The first thing that came to mind was, "Dad, and how are _you_ doing with all of this?" “I want her back. I love your mother.” he said simply and in a matter-of-fact way. "I've been mad at her at first, but over time ... I'm missing her and I'm not complete without her."

Bucky now realized he had been wrong. It wasn't his mother who was the parent loving him ... but he was disappointing his father, who just didn't understand that being gay wasn't a choice. His father really loved him, but he couldn't take him for what he was because he was convinced that Bucky only would have to put some more effort in _not_ being gay so he could be able to have what his father wanted for him. Because he was defining himself only through his wife, marriage and family.

He decided to work on their relationship, clearing his throat. “I'm sorry, dad. I haven't known." "Of course not. I haven't told you. You have to catch your flight now. Have a good one, Jamie.” Major Barnes was smiling widely. „Thanks, Dad. And take care until ...?” “I'm done here in early June. Good luck with the exams!” With that George Barnes turned brusquely leaving the airfield. Bucky stared after him thoughtfully. Perhaps he could still convince his father that being gay was not a character weakness. His dad actually really loved him! He just _had_ to understand him at some point …

*

Back in New York, he was meeting with Steve for a burger and some billiards at a youth club on Sunday before the first day of school. He was telling him everything about his icy adventure, showing him the pictures on his tablet. Steve asked a thousand questions listening to him fascinated. Bucky was a pretty couragous and tough guy! Bucky did not tell him about Sverre Johanson.

"How have you been getting on with your father?" “We haven't spent much time together, but if so, then actually quite well. Dad's been pretty lonely since ... ”, he wasn't going on any further. "Are you missing your mother?" Steve asked gently. They weren't talking about this often. Bucky nodded. “My family's been pretty small, even before. Sometimes it’s so damn quiet at home. ” Steve tilting his head sympathetically, put a smile to his face and said: "Come to us, it's never quiet at ours!" "Great, isn't it?" Steve pulled a face. "Well, you always want what you aren't having.“

"What have you all been up to during holidays? How are you all? Have you done a lot together? ” Steve was talking about the trip with Loki and Thor's survival camp, his bike trips with Peter and that he had been studying with Thor for the exams. Bucky, raising his eyebrows, wondered. "And what about Sharon, Sam, haven't you seen them? You're still friends, aren't you? ” "No. I mean yes, we're still friends but I haven't seen them often,” Steve turned a little pink. "But they've been seeing _each other_ very often." Bucky let out a whistle. "You're _not_ serious ... I've never figured Sam like this. I'm sorry, Steve. ”

“I don't mind that much. It's okay. Sharon's broken up with me and straight away asked if it would bother me. She's fallen in love with him. What are you supposedt to do there?” _Yeah, what exactly._.. Bucky sighed inwardly. "I've met someone," Steve said now, looking quite pleased with himself. “You punk! What's your pace lately? Holy cow!” " _Top_ speed." Steve was grinning suggestively. "My baby is growing up," Bucky sighed mockingly. “Stop it, you idiot. Come on, the pool table's vacant. ” "Ready to be slaughtered?" "Are you kidding me? I'm gonna beat you by miles! You're gonna see!"

They each won a match and when it was time to say goodbye, Bucky stopped Steve before he got in his car. “As for the theater thing, we have to slow down a bit at school, you know that. Too bad that Sharon's broken up right now and your new sweetheart is not going to our school. But it'd also look suspicious and weird if we were completely out of contact for a sudden, so ...“ „What are you suggesting?” “I'm having lunch with other people from now on. We can still sit together in classes, I think.” "OK. What a shame."

“Yes, but after summer holidays it's gonna be yesterday's news anyway. Then ... ”, Bucky stopped talking. He'd just noticed how close Steve was in front of him. He was being able to clearly see each freckle on his nose, every single one of his long eyelashes ... His heart suddenly was pounding up to his neck, he cleared his throat: "Then we're gonna press the reset button." Embarrassed, he turned to his car. Gosh, he would have done a disservice to Sverre Johanson with being sucessfull persuading him to him to come to New York with him ... Forgetting over Steve .. _. ha ha_.

Steve was looking after Bucky thoughtfully. Something had happened in the last minute. Was he still being mad at the improv act? Or was he regretting that they could no longer have lunch together? Tomorrow they would be seeing each other again in the afternoon. At the ice cream parlour. Bucky wanted to meet Melissa. Which was making Steve a little nervous. Melissa was a bit _rough_. But she was such an expert at sex ... Bucky would understand if he'd be explaining what he was seeing in the uneducated, somewhat trashy girl. Bucky would only admit to him that he was making a huge mistake weeks and weeks later …

*

In fact, Bucky was not in the slightest _understanding_ – he was _horrified_ , which he wasn't showing when he was spending the next afternoon with the two of them.

"So you're Bucky." Her gaze was wandering from top to bottom and back again. "Pleased to meet you." "Likewise," he smiled kindly. "Do you all know what you're having?" Steve asked, studying the menu. "Strawberry's Sweetnes!" Melissa called. “Good choice this time of year. Bucky? ” “I've seen enough of ice in the past two weeks. I'm taking a double mocha latte.” Steve ordered what they wanted and for himself he asked for a fruity mix with just the fewest calories. He was very careful about his diet.

"Have you started studying for the exams yet?" Bucky asked around. All schools in the states were helding their exams in May. “No one word! School's just in vain – like a pimple!” Steve quickly swallowed a piece of melon: "I've started my thesis on Social Sciences." "Which topic?" “Cyber bullying and social media. It's going to be pretty good, I think.” "I'm gonna have to read it, sounding interesting!" “I'm sending it to you when it's done. What are you working on?"

“I'm writing a tricky code for IT and hoping I can maybe ask your dad to look over it. Maths is a hopeless case. I can't even save my grades with the best thesis ever.” "I'm hating maths" Melissa interjected. "Well, I can understand that!" Bucky laughed. "What are your current lessons about?" “Something with sine and cosine or something like that. I'm definitely going to fail.” Steve and Bucky had already known about the angle theorems in middle school. Bucky noticed immediately that Steve was embarrassed.

"What do you want to do after school?" He asked her. “I'm pretty good with make-up and hair styles. A cosmetic school would be a dream! Then maybe I can go to the movies.” “Better go to theater. Less competition and the milieu is just a little more sophisticated.” “Theater is embarrassing. I mean, everything's happening in real time and if you're messing up your lines, everyone will notice because you can't repeat the take.” Bucky didn't look at Steve, who was changing the subject.

“Melissa's been trying a zombie make-up on me last week. Really cool. Go, show Bucky the picture!” She was searching the picture on her cell phone and showed it to Bucky. It _was_ cool. "Wow!" He called. “Halloween is okey-dokey for you this year, punk. And now I'm understanding why you want to go to the movies, that's Hollywood-style, really. Fucking good! ” Steve thought it very nice of Bucky to say that and Melissa was beaming, too. "Cosmetic school is very expensive, but if I'm looking for a job or two, waiting tables or being a cycle messenger, I can do it," she called out proudly. "What's the costs of cosmetic school?" Steve asked. Melissa's eyes were darkening. “$ 12,000.”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other secretly. Their school fees were over $ 40,000 a year. And Bucky was a little ashamed now. The girl could not help her poverty, was going to a public school, having no chance of a good education. "Maybe you're gonna find a sponsor," he said kindly. "After all, you're pretty good." "Yes I am, right? Do you want to see more pictures? I'm always doing crazy awesome stuff!” "Yes, sure." Steve was smiling pensively while watching his friend lookig through Melissa's make-up works with interest praising them extensively. Bucky was an incredibly nice person!

As the afternoon was going on, however, things were really getting bad and worse. Melissa's views on climate change and President Trump versus his predecessor 'The White House African' and her fascination with all the Kardashians and the rock-solid belief that vaccination was causing autism were requiring a lot of composure both from Bucky and from Steve. Bucky was wondering what Steve had told her to be holding in about queers because he was surprised it wasn't on her agenda.

"Unfortunately I have to go!", He stated relieved at six. “I haven't been able to study over the holidays. Gotta start seriously. ” "Good luck!", Steve wished and Melissa suggested for her goodbye: "If you're wanting me do something with your hair, just tell me. The structure is really great. Good material.” "Thank you. I'm gonna remember. ” Steve texted him much later that evening after brooding over it for a long time.

" _Hey. I know what you're thinking. But it's not always like that. She's been probably just nervous._ ”

" _What are you meaning? She's cute and funny. Have fun! And she's said something nice about my hair. You're really making a gay guy happy with that!_ ” Steve laughed out when reading this. _Oh, Bucky ..._

" _Thank you!_ "

" _Just not for that. But: Please use condoms. Really, you punk._ ”

" _Jerk."_

*

During his next internship meeting with Tony Stark, he was cutting off Bucky's awkward excuses for his hasty resignation.

“Mr Stark, I don't know what to say. I mean, this is meaning so much to me and quitting was a mistake. A huge mistake! When I've got your email, I 've been ever so relieved and...” “Bucky.” Tony interrupted. "Forget about it. You've come back to work, good thing. Mr Clerk's reported to me you've fixed the rendering problem that's occasionally appearing in VR glasses 3.3. Very good work." "Thank you, sir!" Bucky was beaming, looking at him as if he had painted the summer sky its blue colour. _Oh really_ ... _still not gone away, the crush_ Tony thought.

“How's your adventure on ice had been? Steve's told me. Impressive.”, That might be counterproductive, but Tony was really curious. After all, before he'd became a father, he was doing some extreme sports himself, but unfortunately never experiencing anything like that. “It's been incredible, Mr. Stark! I'm just putting together my pictures and notes for a presentation and could be sending you the final version.”, He was lowering his eyes. "I mean, of course, you actually won't have the time for that, with that much you're having on your schedule like you always are."

“Well, I'm sure I'm going to find some time for that, so I'd be happy to. How's your week in the repair shop been? Any suggestions? Ideas?” Bucky started immediately. There was no trace of his schoolgirly enthusiasm left anymore, but enormous knowledge, technical understanding and one or the other idea that really was making sense. Tony was impressed and telling him. Again counterproductive, but he couldn't help it.

"Mr Stark, I'm working on my thesis in IT... For the exams, you know" Bucky ventured mentioning after the praise he'd just received from the genius he deeply admired. "Would you look over it if it wasn't too much trouble, sir?" "What is it about?" “A programming code that is supposed to prevent tags from sticking to certain terms in search queries. It sometimes is a nuisance to constantly having to delete the browser history to get rid of things like 'Jock's being poun...'” Then Bucky was horrified realizing what he just was about to say, stopped dead and was going very red and looking down. _Oh God! What have I just said!_ Tony was silent at first, then:

"I'm getting that. Sometimes I'm checking the spelling of a word. Embarrassing." Bucky bravely looked up. Mr. Stark's expression was calm and friendly. And Bucky was sure Tony _fucking_ Stark was certainly perfectly aware of the spelling of every word in the whole bloody encyclopedia of the English language and he just was in a total awe about the fact he'd been helping him get over his goddamn embarrassment. "Just send me the code, Bucky. I'm sure it's error-free, you're really talented at this, but I'm going to look over it." Bucky was again beaming back at him as if he had personally hung the moon into the sky. _Oh, well.._.

"Thank you, Mr. Stark, you don't know how much you're helping me with this." “Hold your breath, boy. You are very gifted. What you're doing in internship is extraordinary. What about your plans for college or university?” Bucky's smile collapsed. “My father's seeing a college education in the US army for me. Well, there's worse.” “The military service supported colleges and universities are not the best. That would be a waste of your potential.” "My Maths grades are standing in the way for a scholarship, so I'm having no choice." Tony was watching the boy thoughtfully for some time.

"And if a private sponsor'd be stepping in..." he mused. Bucky stiffened. "There's no reason why _that_ should happen, Mr Stark. No reason _at all_." Tony was sensing the indomitable pride and burning desire for independence in Bucky and was reminded of himself at that age. How he was rebelling against his father, wanting to be independent and self-determined. He sighed under his breath. He wasn't able to help Bucky today. He just had to postpone it for the moment.

“Send me your code. And good luck with the exams.” "Thanks sir."

The code was flawless.

*

The exam weeks were tough. Sanctuary High was one of the best schools in the country and the demands were enormous. Steve had a particularly hard time because his girlfriend kept nagging about him having not enough time for her. But he _had_ goals and he persistently was pacifying her by giving her expensive gifts. At the end of the school year, the top students of junior high were presented on the homepage as every year.

Sam was best in Sports Science. No one was surprised. He was working out longer and harder every afternoon than anyone else. Steve had gotten first place in Social Sciences. He had succeeded in doing so with his excellent thesis, in which he was useing the example of the reactions to improv theater and addressing the ongoings of the snowball effect in social media. Peggy Carter was, of course, number one in Maths. Danbi Jong narrowly had outnumbered Bucky in IT. But he liked her very much and was happy for her. He himself was top of class in Drama, Media and Eventplanning. He laughed at it.

“Exactly the right thing for an engineer!” “Just be happy, you jerk. That's meaning achievements for your CV.” Steve signed up for summer trial classes at community college in Social Sciences and Education. He had learned that he really had been enjoying tutoring Thor. Maybe being a teacher was more of his thing than being a politician!

Bucky, however, did not yet know what plans his father was having for him in detail. He would return from Greenland at the beginning of the holidays and a conversation about Bucky's future was imminent. He was feeling bad about that ... He was hoping that he might be able to expand his Stark Industries internship to more than two afternoons a week and otherwise he wanted to be relaxing a bit during the holidays, after all, that was probably the last ten weeks of his life having so much time on hand.

Bucky cleaned the whole house, which had been rather neglected, thoroughly for Major Barnes' return. He picked him up from the airport on June 2, 2019. They'd got pizza for lunch on their way home and when they were settled at the kitchen table, Bucky bravely dropped the bomb: "Dad, I don't want to be a soldier." George Barnes was staring at his son. "You cannot be serious. The Barnes and Buchanans have been serving their country for generations,” he said sternly and very proud. “You are distantly related to the man after I've named you: President James Buchanan. How can you not want to serve this country?“

"Wasn't he the one who told Abraham Lincoln: 'If you are as happy to take over the presidency as I am that I can leave it, then you are a really happy man.'" Bucky replied. Major Barnes glared at him. "Don't be so precocious." "But Dad, I know that our family has a tradition in the army. These days, traditions don't mean as much as they used to.“ „Tradition is what's holding our country together.“ „Our country isn't holding together _that_ well, don't you think?“ „James!" His father called, „Exactly that is the reason why we're having to work harder to maintain our traditions. Finding back to our strength. Our armed forces could keep the whole world in an awe out of fear. Don't you like to be part of something so powerful?“ Bucky was gathering all his courage:

"No, dad, I don't want to." "God, boy, what kind of childish idealism and nonsense's going on in your head?" "Please try to understand me. I'm _sorry_ I'm not measuring up to your expectations ... “, he was interupted in an instant: "Indeed. You aren't at all. What's that with your hair anyway on another note? Let it be cut again, for God's sake.” Bucky's heart was sinking. This was hopeless. He desperately used his last argument:

"Dad! I'm _gay_! I can't go to the army! If that's coming out, then..." "Well, you're just gonna make sure it's _not_ , James.", His father interrupted him coldly. "Jeez, can't you control yourself when you're seeing a couple of naked guys in the shower rooms, how weird is that, _disgusting._ " George Barnes threw his last piece of pizza onto his plate. Bucky was stunned.

"D-dad ...?" He whispered shakily. "What?" "Please let me go to a civilian college! I'm going to work hard for it, taking side jobs. I'm paying you back. Please!” George Barnes was looking at his son without any warmth. “Your school education is about to be worth an almost $ 300,000 in the end. You are grown up now. A _man_ , you should at least think so... " he pursed his lips contemptuously. Bucky felt hot anger surge inside him. "It's time for you to see for yourself how you are going to pay for your education." Bucky was shaking with anger and pain. How could he be thinking his father would _love_ him?

"Why are you _hating_ me like that, Dad? _Why_? “, He was shouting the last word. "Do not make a fool of yourself. You are my son, my flesh and blood. But why can't you put a little more effort into it? You're a good-looking boy. Easy for you to get a girl, I suppose. God, son, get your act together!” Bucky was staring at his father in disbelief. "I'm _gay_! Don't you understand that, Dad? Are you _that_ stupid?” He called outraged. Major Barnes rose, his chair crashing to the floor, and he was around the table in seconds.

"Don't you _dare_ say _that_ again.”, He was looming over Bucky, his eyes were sparkling fire. "You're going to the army and you're going to get your perverse oddities out of your head, is that being clear?" Bucky was shrinking more into his chair. Knowing exactly what was expected of him, though he had the urge to protest and since he was having no idea how this argument could be developping, how ugly it really could be getting... So he reluctantly pressed out a "Yessir!" And was exhaling in relief when his father straightened up. "Go to your room." Bucky literally fled.

There he was seriously getting involved with the concept of student loans. He would _not_ go to the army. _No way!_ But no matter how he was turning it, no matter how often he was calculating it through and how willing he was to limit his lifestyle: he would never be able to pay back a loan _and_ at the same time be able to build up an own repair shop. A great inner emptiness was increasing in him and when he dropped onto the bed where he had left his phone hours earlier, he was surprised to find a message from Sung Yin, the Korean from the Stark Industries internship, he was the mentioned Maths student at Columbia.

"Hey! You've got the StarkVR 3.3 at home. If you've got the time, would you feed in the code I've sent to your intranet email? I would like to know what you're thinking of it!” Bucky checked his inbox and immediately attached the code to the glasses. Then he was putting them on curiously. He was finding himself in a small, cozy-looking Italian restaurant. Sung Yin was sitting at one of the tables. "Fancy having some pizza with me? This place is fantastic” he asked.

_Oh_ , Bucky hadn't noticed _that_ since.

" _I'm liking the code. When?_ "

" _Whenever you want to!_ "

" _I would want to, like now!_ "

" _Great. I'm sending you the address._ "

Fortunately, when he was talking to his father, his appetite had passed and he had left more than half of it. He really was hungry again and curious about the outcome of this little surprise. Hopefully the company was better with this pizza. It was. And Sung Yin was having one of the few single apartments on the campus at Columbia…

Bucky was allowed to attend the Stark Industries' repair shop as often as he wanted during the summer holidays and did so on four afternoons. For the mornings he had been looking for a job, as he'd always done all holidays. He was driving around on his motorbike as a bike messenger in Manhattan. He wanted to take a week off at the end of the holidays, maybe travelling to the Gulf of Mexico. Sung Yin, whom he was meeting almost every day in the repair shop, had been disappointed about Bucky being not interested in a steady relationship, but he was taking what he could get with typical Asian serenity.

So Bucky now was having regular sex (although he was strictly against any intimacy during the Stark Industries internship and nobody was suspecteing a thing) and he could actually be quite satisfied. He would just use his senior year to work harder, studying with the maths student he was screwing, and still get a scholarship. If not in New York, then maybe in - hmm, Alaska? After all, he was loving snow and ice, so why not ... His father wouldn't force him into the army, never! And Steve? What about _Steve_? his inner voice was growing more and more quiet. Steve, _his_ Stevie was completely under the spell of a hollow-headed bitch and Bucky could hardly stand the two together. It was less jealousy than contempt.

He despised the girl deeply - not because she was stupid, what could she do for it after all? Rather because she was so coarse, blaspheming everything and everyone, lying like a trooper, she was greedy for money and showing Steve around like a trophy. Bucky could remember too well how blind he had been in his first physical relationship and was knowing what regular orgasms not implied by oneself was doing to your mind. But he also was suspecting himself just being in want to be defending Steve, and that was the reason why he avoided his company more and more, at least if he could assume it would mean to have to interact with Melissa and that girl was just clingy as hell!


	41. Steve's 17th Birthday

**Steve's 17 th Birthday**

Tony and Pepper Stark wanted to go on a longer vacation this year and since Peter's nursery school was closing its doors for four weeks, they'd plannend on going to Canada with Thor, Loki and Peter for two of them, renting a log cabin as a base to visit Calgary, Vancouver and Seattle on short trips from there just to be in time July 4th at the Bartons farm who'd ever since wanted to show them how to celebrate Independence Day in Montana. They would then spend the lasting two weeks there.

Thor was thrilled with the vacation plans, which were promising a lot of adventures and sporty activities, and Loki had put some books and projects onto his StarkPad so that he wouldn't run out of things to do. Steve attended community college for his trial summer classses, which he enjoyed and was staying at home. His parents were placing a great trust in him and, moreover, Mrs. Watson was about to come and look after the house five days a week. Bruce and Natasha would check in regularly to make sure, everything's alright, Rhodey too. He would be without his family on the day of his 17th birthday . His parents were regretting this enormously, but he'd assured them that he would also enjoy catching up with it three weeks later. Nursery school's vacation was _now_ , it was okay. He was secretly planning a - his first - house party. For his birthday...

Last week in June, Melissa was visiting a hairstyle workshop Steve'd paid for and he was having some free time after his classes. He texted Bucky:

" _I'm downtown for lunch. Pizza at Planet Hollywood's?_ "

Bucky was finishing his shift as a bike messenger and had an hour before he had to go to the internship.

" _Starving here!_ "

" _Ask for me at the front desk._ "

Steve had got used to this affected trick to impress Melissa. The prompt answer came immediately:

" _Don't have to impress me, you punk. Planet Hollywood is on its way down, by the way._ "

" _Nobody else around to impress, jerk._ " So Steve _was_ alone.

" _Anchovies and extra mozzarella, I'm there in 10 minutes._ "

" _That_ I _have to order something_ that _disgusting ... but I'm not like that._ "

When Bucky had been 'escorted' to Steve's table, he grinned at him mockingly. "Mr Stark! The old debt that I knew had to be paid. So today is the day,” the girl from the reception frowned, irritated. "Pleasy, just ignore him, Miss. He's a jerk," Steve replied. Bucky was wearing his motorbike gear and his hair was ridiculously sticking out in all directions, after all he had put his helmet on and off dozens of times. Steve's today's college look could confidently remain just all the same in a teaching career for the next 40 years …

But he was smiling so stupidly at Bucky that he just had to smile back, just as stupidly. "Nice of you to get here. I haven't seen you in ages.“ „Thank you for the reminder of food, sometimes I'm not getting to it“ „How are you?“ „Good! Great, I'd say.“ „Except you aren't eating anything.“ „I'm eating fair enough, mommy. ", Bucky laughed, "and how are you?“ „Community college is really fun! My classes are interesting and there is more and more clearity about of what's suiting me. "

"Being a teacher." "Well, would that be so bad?" "I would have liked to be friends with the President of the United States, playing Sing Star in the White House ..." Steve laughed. "By the way, we haven't done it in ages!" "No, we haven't.", The following silendce was a little embarrassing. Steve was mistaken by his best friend's suddenly serious tone.

He changed the subject. "Are you coming to my birthday party?" That was sounding strangely uncertain. Bucky looked up. "Why shouldn't I? You're such a punk, Stevie. But it's going to be postponed, after all, your family's in Canada and ...“ „I'm having a party," Steve blurted out. "Are you coming?" Bucky gave a short laugh, but it was a little cautious. Steve frowned. "Bucky. I'm getting it. You've almost never got the time when I'm asking you to hang out. If you don't want to come to my birthday party, you just have to say so."

"Steve ..." Bucky sighed. At that moment their pizza arrived. They both thanked the waitress politely and ordered some soda. "So?" Steve asked aggressively after she was gone, "Aren't you about to come?" "What are you thinking? Of course I'm coming to your birthday party! I've just been surprised. What kind of party are you planning?” Steve relaxed. "Oh, a couple of friends, hot dogs and burgers and music ...", Steve was sounding a bit vague. Bucky quickly decided to play along.

"Sounds fun! Are you expecting a gift? What's one supposed to give a millionaire?“, He was teasing him. "I'm _not_ a millionaire," Steve replied gracefully. "Billionaire then?" Bucky grinned. "You don't have to give me anything. Just be there ... I mean, please come." Steve was looking at him pleadingly. And a thousand feelings long believed buried suddenly were coming back to Bucky with the force of a truck. "Of course I'm coming, Stevie." And the warmth in Bucky's voice visibly relaxed Steve. He finally took a slice of pizza. And Bucky did the same.

Bucky was having a present for Steve, of course. A silver key pendant that Bucky had made with the 3D printer during the internship. It was a miniature of the improv theater's Captain's shield. Bucky thought of possibly being able to provoke something in Steve. Because he was still secretly thinking that there was more to it than Steve had admitted. "Would you like to bring someone along?" Steve pulled him out of his thoughts casually. "What?" Bucky replied, startled.

"You've mentioned that you're seeing someone and I've thought ...", Steve was sounding pretty button-lipped and cautious. "No!" Bucky called louder than he had intended drawing a few looks. Some of them were sticking to him for a short while because people looking at him often obviously liked what they were seeing. Steve was annoyed suddenly. "Well, whatever you want, Bucky. We're starting at 9pm, but we're going to get on for a long time, so just pop up when it's suiting you.“ Bucky had been very vague about the man he was seeing.

_Again_ , Bucky wasn't introducing his boyfriend to him, as he was with Jay. _Again_ Steve was wondering if Bucky thought he wasn't good enough to be meeting his lover. Just as if their friendship could belittle Bucky in their eyes. Well, he clearly had to attract the coolest guys, but ... _this city planner_ had came out to be a horrible experience afterwards and who knows who Bucky was getting involved with right now. That the burning feeling in his belly was jealousy, so deeply burning jealousy did not occur to Steve. They had finished eating their pizzas and emptied their soda.

"Tomorrow, same time, same place?" Steve asked for their goodbye. "Same time, different place?" "Pio Pio 8? They're making the best paella in all of New York.“ „Then ...“ „Then... ", both of them remaining a bit hesitant, were looking at each other in silence. The waitress approached to clear the table. "Pardon me, gentlemen, I need this table for the next guests," she stated quietly. They immediately rose heading towards exit. They were attracting many looks. The tall young man in motorbike gear with the handsome face and wild mane of unruly dark hair and the other one, just as tall, fair tidy hair, who despite his youth was having noble features and spotting clothes looking like a geography teacher's costume. They were making a bizarre but very nice couple putting smiles on some faces around them, which none of them noticed …

The week was over quickly. They'd been meeting for lunch in their favorite restaurants every day and it was feeling just the same as before. On July 4th 2019, Steve's 17th birthday Bucky wasn't working, of course, waking up late in the morning in Sung Yin's bed where he'd spent the night. He was just making coffee and pancakes in the mini pastry kitchen of his campus apartment. That was new. He'd never made breakfast before and Bucky didn't know what to make of it and was a little uncomfortable about. When he realized Bucky was awake, the Korean was bringing him some coffee and wanted to kiss him good morning. Bucky put his fingertips on his mouth.

"Let me brush my teeth first, okay?" with that he was swinging his long legs over the edge of the bed, fishing for his boxers lying on the floor next to it. In the tiny bathroom, he'd took the quick decision to hop under the shower, briskly brushing his teeth there along. He came back with a towel around his hips to Sung Yin having a stack of perfect round small pancakes and a bottle of syrup ready on a tray. "Breakfast in bed?" Bucky was grinning at him. "In with you!" The Asian laughed back. Bucky dropped the towel crawling back under the covers. His lover followed balancing the tray on their legs, then got Bucky's coffee from the bedside table and handed him the cup. "Good morning." Now he finally was getting the longed-for kiss from his overnight guest.

"Pancakes? How American.” Bucky was teasing. “4th of July. God bless America.” "God bless pancakes." and with that he took one, putting syrup on it and taking a large bite. "Mmmm ..." he chewed, swallowed. "Bless _you_.", Sung Yin got another kiss, which tasted very sweet-bitterly of syrup, but also of toothpaste and Bucky. "Dig in!" And Bucky was not slashing out, feasting with a good appetite. When he had finished his fourth, he raised an eyebrow. “Aren't you eating anything? they're not poisoned, are they?” He acted to be shocked.

"Somehow I have to get rid of my fiercest SI competitor," the other one playfully replied. "Then just don't help me with maths," Bucky stated dryly. The two of them had been studying until one in the morning and Bucky had gotten a little desperate ... "This's going to work ...", Sung Yin tried to be comforting him. Bucky was holding out his half-eaten pancake. "Come on, one bite, it's so uncomfortable having breakfast alone." "I'm having something else."

He pushed the plate into Bucky's hands, placing the tray on the floor next to the bed, and was about to disappear under the covers. "No more syrup for me?" Bucky laughed and Sung Yin got the bottle. "Oh, I'm needing it." And with a naughty grin he was taking the bottle under the covers. And soon Bucky's lame protests were nipped in the bud …

"Come on, go to the festival with me." They had talked about it. The Korean wanted to go to a street festival in the best-known gay district in Chelsea, where the 4th of July was celebrated with music, exhibitions and food trucks. And he wanted to go there with Bucky. He had neither accepted nor canceled so far and now he had to make a decision. The pancakes, the syrupy surprise for breakfast, all was looking well planned now. But they weren't a couple after all and Bucky was hesitating. “Gosh, Bucky. Can we do something different from screwing together, for one time? ”, He was sounding lightly and good-natured. “We're working together four days a week without any screwing.” “And aren't exchanging one single private word. Let's go there as friends. ” Bucky sighed.

"Listen ..." "No, _you_ listen: I know what this is. But we can still be friends, right? With benefits. ” Bucky raised his eyebrows. Sung Yin continued: “I don't even know what kind of music you like or what movie or shows you're watching. It's weird, don't you think?” Bucky was thinking quickly. Well, he could be seeing about how such an operation went. If Sung Yin was showing any signs of falling in love with him, he could still pull the emergency brake. He was not aware that the man had long been in love with him …

"I have to go home and change." "And then?" “Then I'm picking you up. Let's go to the festival. ” "Well. I'm keeping doing my homework for so long.” Bucky was satisfied. The hardly exuberant joy at his acceptance was a good sign!

They were having a lot of fun in Chelsea. Trying out exotic finger food from various food trucks, admiring good art, laughing at bad art, dancing to live music and DJs and going through various topics in pleasant conversations. And Sung Yin wasn't even trying to kiss him or having his arm around his hips. He didn't even try to take his hand one single time. Bucky himself was feeling a little disappointed after a few hours. He was at a fairly gay street party with a handsome man and there were all kinds of showing queer affectionateness around there.

After all, it was him who, when laughing at a cabaret artist on a small stage, smiled at the Asian, putting his arm around his neck and pulling him close to kiss his ear and then leaving his arm where it was. An hour later he was sticking his tongue down Sung Yin's throat while dancing and they decided to go back to campus to make love. And they did, extensively. Around half past eight, they had just taken a nap, Bucky checked his watch.

"Fuck!" He called out. Sung Yin started from his dozing half-sleep. "What is it?" He mumbled and snuggled closer to him. "Steve's party!" Bucky groaned. "Oh, Steven _Stark_ 's party," the Korean said with an unfathomable tone. Bucky shot up in alarm, his lover slipping off his chest. "What's _that_ with that _tone_?" Sung Yin was stretching out next to him looking him straight in the eye.

"The youngest intern ever taken on a Stark Industries internship ... Sure, Steven Stark's best friend, what a surprise." “What the fuck! What are you getting at?” Bucky felt hot anger surging inside him. "Is there something going on between you and Mr. Stark's son?" _Huh?_ Bucky had a hard time getting his head clear, everything had gotten so crazy there suddenly. "What? No! Steve's not gay!“ “What if he was? Well, I don't have to ask that, do I? ”, The Asian hissed out sitting up briskly, looking for his underwear. Bucky was frozen. Sung Yin got into his boxers and then out of bed.

“Gee, Bucky. I've been having the best day of my life and then we've had the best sex ever together and then you can't think of anything better than 'Steve's Party'?” "There's nothing between me and Steve ..." he said lamely. “Oh, don't give up hope. How someone can get to the most desirable internship in the city if he isn't even understanding the simplest vector calculation in three-dimensional space ... _someone_ has _definitely_ put in a good word for you with Mr Stark.” This insult hit Bucky like a truck, hot tears suddenly prickling behind his eyelids.

"You ... _bastard_ ..." he gasped, "that's been so ... _mean_." And Sung Yin's reaction to this was bursting into tears, squatting on the floor in a ball of defense, fighting to get back control of himself. "Hey ...", Bucky had woken from his rigidity, sliding out of bed and trying to hug the Korean. He was huffing and fighting back but not very fiercely. After the two of them had struggled a bit, Bucky was lying on the floor and Sung Yin's head was on his chest, he had given in and had sunk weakly into Buckys embrace.

"I love you." And Bucky, closing his eyes, was going numb inside. He took a deep breath and, against the backdrop of the thundering fireworks of the whole city, he was telling Sung Yin everything, crying a lot and giving a lot of apologies, just everything ... After a long time, both were calming down again their breathing easing, their tears drying up.

"Go to him," said the Korean bravely. "Tell him." Bucky snorted dryly and very sad, was shaking his head. "But! That is absurd. He should know, shouldn't he? And you'd finally get it from your system. You know, you _could_ manage vector arithmetic with a clear head. ” " _Bastard,_ " Bucky chuckled. “I'm sorry, that _was_ mean. Sometimes I'm forgetting over the fact that you're still in high school.” "It's okay."

"Tell Steve. He needs to know just so the two of you are having all the information you need to be solving out all of this mess.” Bucky sighed, "Why isn't he aware yet?" Sung Yin said nothing, Bucky had finally got to the point. "I want to be alone now." His smooth face was giving no emotion, but Bucky understood. He untied their fingers and all other parts of their bodies, got up and dressed silently. Before he left, he was looking at Sung Yin again.

"I'd really wish ..." "Please be quiet. Stop it. You Americans can never just shut up. Please go." And Bucky did as he was asked for. (Sung Yin would ask for an immediate transfer at Stark Industries after the holiday weekend working from then on in development. He and Bucky were never speaking to each other again...)

It was almost eleven by now. But Steve had finally said he could just come later if he didn't make it on time. Changing and getting there anytime before midnight was out of the question. Bucky had a quick look at the rearview mirror. _Urgh_ , he thought, but there was nothing he could do now and so he started the car. Destination: Stark Manor …

And what he was finding there beggard all description.

The 'party' had gathered around the pool. And those who weren't more or less intimate were smoking marijuana or drinking out of bottles with tequila and other liquor. Bucky estimated the crowd at around 20 people and his eyes frantically were scanning them all, not being able to find Steve ... He went to a couple sharing a joint and aggressively asked:

"Where's Steve?" "Who?" The girl slurred. The boy laughed: "This is _his_ party here." "Oh, _him_ ... I don't know." Bucky looked around slightly again panicking. An air mattress was floating in the middle of the pool and the guy laying on it was slowly drifting to the side and falling into the water unspectacularly. Anyone who still had one or two of their senses together would wake up and try to stay on the surface. But nothing of the sort happened. The guy was sinking like a stone.

Bucky reacted in an instand stripping off his shoes, already pulling the shirt over his head. He hastily peeled off his jeans and then jumped into the pool in his boxers, dived, grabbed the boy by the collar and pulled him to the surface. It wasn't easy to hoist him over the edge of the pool without help, but he managed and climbed out of the pool himself, dragging the guy away. "Where's Steve, damn it, can anyone tell me?" He then was calling desperately, as he put his pants back on looking for his shirt, leaving his shoes behind.

"Bucky?" That came out faint but unmistakable from behind the bushes separating the pool from the washrooms cabin in the garden. Bucky hurried to the voice finding Steve lying on his back under the bushes. "Steve!" "Bucky ... you've still come ...", Steve snorted out in a complaining voice. "Happy birthday," Bucky said dryly. Steve giggled. "Gift?" “You're such a punk! I have to terminate your _party_ first. Do not go away." "I can't make it anyway," Steve murmured.

And Bucky went back to the pool and making clear to everyone they had to leave now. There was some grumbling, but those who were still combaratively sober took the others along and the party was breaking up. Melissa couldn't be found by Bucky at first. He went to the washrooms cabin. There she was clutching at a toilet bowl into which she must have thrown up. He put back all of his aversion touching her shoulder gently.

"Hey ... come on, the party's over." "Bucky …?" she looked at him in surprise. "Where's Steve?" "I'm taking you to him, come on." Melissa obediently let him lead her to her boyfriend. Her brother Jake was waiting there. “Ah, well, there you are. This one here's saying the party is over,” he glared at Bucky. "I wanna go home, Jake ..." Melissa whimpered weakly, which made her brother rally. "How am I supposed to take her home now?" Bucky took his phone out of his pocket. "I'm ordering you an Uber." Jake nodded curtly pulling his swaying sister towards the gates.

"Bucky?" Steve's voice was shaking a bit. "I'm glad you are here." "Come on, you hero." Bucky held out a hand and pulled him up. Steve was swaying and Bucky put his arm around his shoulders. "Fuck, Steve, you're just dead weight." "Weakling." "I'm leaving you here in the meadow right away." "Oh, you aren't, are you?" Steve's head dropped to Bucky's shoulder. "Argh, why are you soaking wet?" Bucky was slowly dragging him to the house. “Pool party and too much tequila, shitty idea. And you've missed my Baywatch act.” "I'm not understanding a single word you're saying," Steve murmured.

“I'm telling you later. I've missed the party now. I haven't thought it was over before midnight. ” “It's _that_ late? Why are you coming _that_ late?” Steve was completely reproachful and Bucky could only be shaking his head. "I'm leaving straight again, really, you punk." "No!" Steve's hand dangling in font of his chest was grabbing at his shirt. "You're not going anywhere." “Well, it's your birthday. Now tell Jarvis to let us in. ”

"Jarvis!" “The door is open, Mr. Steven. Good evening, Mr. James. I hope you've enjoyed your birthday celebration, Mr Steven.” Bucky snorted out and got the stink eye from Steve. "Come on up the stairs, then you've made it." "I have to piss." “Details are everything now? You're having a bathroom up there.” Once in Steve's room, Bucky took a clean T-shirt from Steve's closet, pushed it in his hand, sending him to the bathroom. "Brush your teeth, otherwise tomorrow morning you're gonna think you're having a dead rat in your mouth." Steve went a little pale at that and bravely toddled off. Bucky launched Steve's entertainment system and turned up the music from a Doctor Who video. He didn't want to hear Steve peeing.

"Bucky!" the pitiful sound from the bathroom made him sigh. Bucky, turning the music down, called, "What is it?" "I need another t-shirt." "If you can't get your big head through, it's a sleeve, you punk!" Bucky laughed. "I _really_ need another t-shirt ... I've puked into it." was the tearful answer. Oh _come on_ ... Bucky got one and went to the bathroom. Steve was sitting on the toilet seat like a heap of misery, disgustedly holding his t-shirt away from his body. “How have you done that? There's a toilet, a wash basin, a shower cubicle and a laundry basket within easy reach.” "Got stuck in a sleeve with my head," Steve murmured. "And then everything was spinning suddenly."

“Nothing else we can do about it than you taking a shower. No idea how I can get you out of there without getting puke to your hair.” Bucky was already at the shower turning on the water. Steve looked at him uneasily as he turned to help him out of the shirt. "What is it?" Bucky frowned a little. "You ... that's completely gross." Bucky chukcled. "Oh yeah! Definitely. Come on. It's just a little puke.” "But you don't have to do this ..." Bucky stopped. "Well, if you don't want me to help you ..." he said a little cautiously. "I'm just saying, it's completely gross." “We've been there already. Now keep it away from you in front, I'm pulling it over your head from behind. ”

Steve did as told. Only a small lamp was lit in the bathroom above the mirror, which Bucky was grateful for. He hadn't been so close to Steve's bare back, his shoulders for ages. The movements of his muscles, the smooth tanned skin. Bucky's mouth went dry. However, the smell was rather off-putting, his luck. "Very well. Now go get in the shower, I'm getting you underwear and just don't look up. Not that you're drowning like some stupid ostrich in the rain. ”

Bucky went out taking a deep breath and getting a pair of boxers for Steve. Back in the bathroom, he put it and the shirt onto a small stool. From the corner of his eye he could make out Steve's large, broad-shouldered body behind the frosted glass and now _that_ was a little too much for him. Bothered with his sudden huge throbbing boner he rushed out of the bathroom tearing jogging pants and a wide sweater from Steve's closet on his way. He shouted: "I'm getting you some water downstairs!" and jumped to the ground floor in large steps. Locking himself in one of the guest toilets, he hastily peeled off his wet jeans and his wet boxer shorts, was touching himself frantically for some minute or two and came into the toilet bowl breathing heavily.

_Pathetic_ ... he thought still gasping for breath. He washed his hands, face and crotch and then put on Steve's clothes. In the kitchen he got two bottles of water and some coke and went upstairs again. Steve was sitting on his bed with his legs bent and zapping around on Youtube. His wet hair was sticking out in all directions and he was still a little pale, but looking better again.

"Why are you wearing my clothes?" He wondered. Bucky stopped: "Do you mind?" "No! Of course not, I've just been wondering.” "After I've pulled one of your drunken friends out of the pool earlier, It's just been getting a little uncomfortable in my wet undies." "What the _hell_..." Steve groaned. “Yes, exactly that. Steve, you have to be more careful what your guests are doing in your house,“ Bucky said sternly. Steve was looking very guilty. "Got a little out of hand," he admitted quietly. "Wow, Stevie, that you are able to be understating like that, you out of all!" Bucky grinned at him.

"You're looking weird in my clothes." "Today you're testing my angelic patience, Steven." Bucky pulled an annoyed face. "I'm just saying, you're never wearing clothes that loose." "My graceful body's just disappearing in pants your fat ass's fitting into." Steve grinned: “Now don't be offended. I just think your own stuff's looking better on you.” "Well, if I'm not offering His Highness the usual gorgeous sight on his birthday, I'm really sorry." Bucky was drawling a bit snippishly.

"And your hairstyle!" Steve laughed. "Coming from the right one. You remember? I plunged into your pool playing the hero.” “Thanks, Bucky. Good thing you've been there," Steve suddenly was very serious, "Really. Unthinkable if ...“ „Let's talk about it another time. It's your birthday. ”, Slightly embarrassed, Bucky was fiddling with the ties of Steve's on him ridiculously large jogging pants. "Hardly anymore, it's half past one in the morning." “Then at least I don't have to give you anything anymore. But happy birthday again. Belated.” Bucky dropped down next to Steve.

"What are you watching?" "Nothing yet. Fancying something? ” _A thousand things ..._ According to him, he said: "You choose. Because it's your birthday." Steve opened a clip with video game music. "Why have you come that late?" Bucky pressed his lips together briefly. "I am sorry. Unpleasant break-up. ” Steve's head jerked over to him. "Bucky ... Oh. I'm sorry. It's been... something serious?“ "As it's turned out, for Sung Yin it has." Ah, Steve thought, the Columbia student from the internship. "Well, shit." "Exactly." "Bucky ..." Steve was sounding a little hesitant and reserved. "Hm?"

“Are you still in love with the one you've told me about ages ago? The one you can't have?” Bucky's sudden, very direct look was burning into Steve's eyes. "Yes, Steve, I am. And very much so." Steve visibly swallowed. Bucky went on: “And Sung Yin've said I should finally tell him. He should know at least, that's what he's said. So that I can... so I've told him at least once. Getting it out of my system, he's said, somehow at least, maybe.” Steve's thoughts were going wild in his head. Bucky and his admiration for Tony Stark. All the looks, the flirting, and not being able to have the man he wanted ...

"Don't do it, Bucky!" He called out passionately and then closed his mouth so startled that it popped. Bucky had jumped and was now staring at Steve. _He's aware! He's knowing! Oh my god, Steve is knowing!_ he thought _And he doesn't want me to bring this between us …_

Steve meanwhile was thinking a very different direction. If Bucky would admit his feelings to his dad, that just mustn't happen! Not that Tony Stark won't know how to handle that, he definitely surely was! But Bucky would regret that so bitterly! Maybe he would never be able to set foot in this house again! Maybe never want to have anything to do with them all again! Steve had to prevent that at any cost. At some point this ridiculous crush had to go away. Yes, his father was Tony _fucking_ Stark and all. But he was _old_ too! Almost 50, what the hell!

“Maybe you're right. That's causing more issues than helping in any sort at the end.” Bucky stated coolly now and then changed the subject. "Have you decided what you want to watch?" His expression was withdrawn. Steve breathed out a secret sigh of relief. "Independence Day?" "God bless America." "Well then let's have a go." Steve opend the movie from the media library and Bucky got Steve's StarkPad. "May I?" Steve frowned. Bucky explained:

“I've had to watch this with you so many times, I can have a look at maths on the side. I'm not getting any more tutoring now.” “How are you able to study your maths stuff on my tablet?” Bucky wiggled the device in front of Steve's face rolling his eyes. “Internet, Stevie. You can't only look at funny cat videos with it.” "But it's the best use, isn't it?" Steve chuckled. "Undoubtedly," Bucky replied dryly. Steve started the movie and Bucky logged into his favoured maths forum.

Steve kept glancing over at Bucky, knowing the movie almost by heart. The StarkPad brightened his features, making his bright eyes shine. Bucky was highly concentrated, his lips apparently forming formulas and numbers, sometimes he patted his thumbnail to a tooth thoughtfully or he was licking his lips, pulled his lower lip between his teeth, then was again scribbling on the display with the control stick. He sometimes sighed heavily and sometimes he breathed in excitedly, only to sulk in frustration the next moment. Steve was fascinated …

And then Bucky 'caught' him. Time seemingly standing still while they were looking at each other in silence. Steve's lips were slightly open and Bucky licked his nervously. "What is it?" That came out a bit hoarse and with a slightly brighter voice than Buckys usual baritone. Steve paused the video in a rather dark scene only the StarkPad dimly lighting up the room now. Bucky's neck hair was rising (and it wasn't the only thing on him doing so … _many thanks to Steve's wide pants_ , came to his mind) and he was holding his breath. Every cell in his body was attracted strongly to Steve and he was only half a meter away. Bucky got aware of his body heat next to himself suddenly. He swallowed dryly …

Steve's thoughts were racing. _If I'd start kissing him now, he'd let me_ ... _stop! What? WHAT?_ He had never been attracted to a boy, a _man_ ... ever! _Oh, but, you have_ a small voice sneeringly whispered in his head ... _last summer in Montana you kept thinking of him, touching yourself after looking at his picture, longing for him, pining ... yes, until you got to touch the first tit of your life and then you escaped fom this …from him._... _What was it? Anxiety? Were you scared? Afraid of your own feelings? Being afraid of what you are, who you are?_

Steve bit on his tongue, hard, forcing himself to think of Melissa and the wild sex he was having with her, the girl was simply _shameless ._.. He liked it, he liked it very much! _Some are floating two kinds of boats..._ the voice came back. _And Bucky's secretly in love with your father, your FA-THER!_ Another voice, a quite malicious one, was added.

Bucky was feeling like he was burning inside. He felt, something terribly upsetting was going on in Steve and for the first time in his life he had no idea what it was…

Only some ten or fifteen seconds had passed. Steve cleared his throat and said bravely, "I'm in shame from earlier." Bucky blinked. The spell was broken. "What are you thinking? About throwing up? Trust me, it's not going to not be happening again in your life.” “No, not about that. Yes, that too, that was hideous. No, it's about you having to help me out of a sick-drained t-shirt with me being like a child to be sent over to get a shower as if I wasn't older than five years ...” Bucky took a hissing breath, his eyes glittering strangely.

“Because I'm _gay_? Don't you worry, I'm telling nobody that I've taken off your shirt.” Steve was startled by the angry force behind Bucky's words. Bucky was so hurt and disappointed, tears burning behind his eyelids, a lump in his throat made it difficult to swallow. Steve was ashamed Bucky had been with him so intimately which he seemingly was scared of like death and the devil, as if he might be forcing his unwanted feelings on him ... it was just too much. Wouldn't Steve be able to bear him loving him? Even if Bucky woudn't expect anything from him ... He frustrated dropped the StarkPad on the bed next to him and got up.

"It's gotten late. I'm leaving, I suppose.” "Bucky ...", Steve sounded kind of ... small and that was pulling at every fiber in his body. “I've had a tough day, Stevie. I'm sorry, just on your birthday after all.” "You haven't got a present for me for real?" Steve still was sounding like ... a little bit like a much younger boy, insecure, a little scared and lonely. Bucky closed his eyes for a moment, inwardly tormented. "You punk, what are you thinking?" He said softly. "You're having one, of course." Steve smiled.

“Bucky, please stay, it's two a clock in the night and you don’t have to drive halfway through town. You've got me completely wrong. I'm _not_ afraid someone might find out that you took off my shirt. Do not be stupid!" Bucky took a deep breath, but Steve continued: “I'm always by your side, everyone's knowing that! Why should anyone think I have a problem with you being gay?” Bucky hesitated. Steve wasn't giving up:

“I'm ashamed of all of _this_ , all evening. The party with strangers, the drugs and the alcohol they brought with them and most of all I'm ashamed of myself. And for the fact that the person I've wanted to have around me all evening has of all things gotten the hideous task to get dumb me out off a sick-drained shirt. I'm the most ashamed of that.” Bucky was speechless. "I am truly sorry, Bucky." Steve's deep heart-felt honesty was warming his voice in such a pleasant way so Bucky felt very warm himself in an instant.

“I'm sorry too, Steve. For coming that late and for thinking you could...” “No hard feelings. Let's go to sleep. I'm getting you a blanket for the couch.” "I've got a present for you!" Bucky blurted out now. Steve was beaming at him triumphantly. "I've known!" And Bucky picked up the tangle of his clothes, looking for the little package in the jeans pockets and gave it to Steve. He unwrapped it and was looking at the custom made key pendant for a long time. He was speechless and Bucky was getting nervous, but then Steve went for his keys and put it on.

“Simply beautiful, Bucky. And custom made, fantastic!” “This is really okay?" "Hopefully it's not just a reminder for me not having a problem with who you are or what you are, but for you as well," Steve replied seriously. Bucky was hugging him without a word. Then they went to sleep ...


	42. "Drugs in my House?"

**"Drugs in my House?"**

When Steve woke up late the next day, Bucky was gone. Thas was making him sad. The late evening had been so special. There had been traces of that bond they'd had over all those years last night, real and tangible, missed badly by Steve for a long time. If only he could spend more time with Bucky again ... He checked his messages. A few request for lost items in yesterday's party's group chat, a text from Melissa regarding an evening date, and one with a bunch of pictures attached from Sam who was hiking in the Rockies with Sharon. Steve finished a glass of water and decided on looking at the damage done from the party.

He'd have until Monday to cover up all traces for Mrs. Watson's perceptive eyes. When he got to the pool, he was amazed seeing Bucky, cleaning up broken glass. His sight in those loosely on him hanging clothes and the wildly messy hair was putting a smile on his face. Bucky was still there! Then he turned around.

“G'morning Steve! I've already started cleaning up. Have you had breakfast yet?” Steve shook his head: "You?" “Bowl of some cereal. And coffee.” "You don't have to tidy up here." "Imagine, I'm pretty aware." Bucky stuck his tongue out, "go have some breakfast. I'm staying, there's a lot to do”. “No way, you haven't even had the slightest glimpse of some party yesterday. You better come keeping me company.” Bucky shrugged, placed the broom against a table. He actually preferred going up to the house with Steve.

"Aren't you working today?" "I've been to a party yesterday, so I've taken the day off" Steve grinned: "What was the party like?" "It sucked." Bucky was grinning back and got punched on the upper arm. “Hey! Have you fallen into the strength potion as a little boy? That's hurt!" "I'm working out." "And I'm not a sandbag." "You're looking like one in my sweater." "Dude, you're having some nerve …“

"More coffee?" Steve asked in the kitchen. "Anytime." Steve brewed a cup and set it down for Bucky. "What you're doing for Maths's looking complicated." "It is." "Are you working preliminary for senior year?" "That too. I have to get better grades next year. I really have to! Otherwise I can't go to college.” Steve's eyes widened. "What? But why? You're having fantastic grades!” “Not fantastic enough for an engineering scholarship. And I need a scholarship.” Steve was raising his eyebrows. He knew about their school fees. If Major Bares could handle that, what should be a problem about putting Bucky through college? Bucky was sipping his coffee staring demonstratively at the table top.

"Bucky ..." Steve said finally, "what is this all about? What are you telling me there?" Bucky looked up. “Dad wants me to go to the army. He's not about to give me any money to attend a non-military college.“ he explained calmly. Steve was staring at him. "Your dad ... Bucky, he knows you are ... Does he know you are...?" “That I'm gay? Of course, he's aware I'm gay. Isn't _everyone_?” Bucky laughed at him, a bit bitterly. "But then ... you _can't_ go to the army!" “Oh, I _can_ control myself. Staying away from boys. Finding me a girl. Maybe Melissa has a nice friend for me?” Bucky's tone got brittle and stilted.

"Bucky!" Steve looked at him reproachfully. "What? My father knows best. What is best for me. There's nothing else on his mind than me and my well-beings. And in his eyes that has to be the glorious US Army. That's gonny get this perverse nonsense out of my dumb head, he says.” "This is absurd ...", Steve shouted out, outraged, "totally crazy. You can't go to the army!” He stated emphatically. Bucky nodded determinedly. “See? Exactly my point of view. I'm _not_ going to the army. And if he's talking until he's blue in the face, I'm not... I'm getting this scholarship, whatever it takes.” Steve nodded. "Yeah, sure about that." The alternative for Steve, having to go to college in New York without Bucky he just couldn't imagine. They've been dreaming of that for years! Bucky just had to success. And if not, well, Steve had enough money for both of them …

"Are you going to Pride Day?" Last weekend of July, the grand parade with subsequent celebrations was about to be taking place all over the city. Bucky was grinning, "Weird question." Bucky had been going every year since he was 13. The first three times he'd went secretly, 'dressed' in a cap and sunglasses, which he had told Steve much later. Since after his 16th birthday and coming out he was going there proud and with much grandiosity each year.

"I'm going with you." Bucky's grin collapsed. “I want to support you. That's ... I mean, it's not forbidden if you aren't …" Steve's speech died off because he was thinking of how much he'd wanted to kiss Bucky last night. His eyes went to Bucky's mouth. He was licking his lips at that moment. Honestly, Bucky was doing that more often than anyone else in the world. And Steve was staring, noticed what he was doing, and then quickly dropped his eyes to his weird, mushy curd-oatmeal-quinoa mixture in his cereal bowl. Steve was often eating such strange stuff. Bucky, who had noticed his confusion, leaning back in his chair, acting unimpressed, asked:

"Why suddenly, Steve?" Steve didn't look up, stirring in his super food: “Because there are still too many people like your dad. And I'm 17 now.” Bucky had to laugh. Only Steve could assume the age of consent for sexual acts in New York had anything to do with it. "What do you think is going on there?" He teased. Steve blushed a little. Then he took his phone out of his pocket, tapped it a few times, and started reading aloud in a mocking voice:

“'I've already had the fourth tongue down my throat! Pride Day is tongues inside Day!' Or: 'A man's just offered to be my sugardaddy, he's looking like a young Harrison Ford! Gosh, Pride Day!' and: 'I'm dancing with the hottest duo you could imagine! I'm feeling like a hot dog, a HOT dog, Stevie!' What are you expecting me to think of Pride Day to be like, when my first-hand information's coming from you? ” Steve laughed at him, Bucky was looking so baffled.

"It was after all my first Pride Day after I'd finally reached the age of consent and I had maybe been a bit overwhelmed but this time it's gonna be all about the messsage." Steve laughed again: "But the tongues down your throat aren't bothering you, are they?" Bucky'd caught himself grinning: "The tongues down my throat _are_ actually the message!" “So that's settled. I'm going with you. I'm gonna handle what I'm about to see there.” Bucky gave a little smile, secretly being happy about it. “Okay Steve. But I'm telling you what you're going to wear. ”

They tidied up together, cleaned up and Steve sent some pictures of found objects to the group chat. Bucky then went home to finally be able to put his own clothes back on and fixing his hair. Then he went back to Steve taking him to Coney Island. They were riding roller coasters, eating hot dogs, had won plastic roses at the shooting gallery and in the end they went to the beach. “And Steve? How are you now, at 17? ”, They were sitting in the sand with rolled-up pants letting the waves play with their bare feet. Steve dropped back onto the ground sighing.

"At the moment? Couldn't get any better." Bucky smiled to himself looking at the endless sea. He almost certainly knew that Steve had been constantly glancing at his lips and he did so somehow differently these days. Bucky (almost) always noticed when someone was looking at him in that special way. But: He wasn't understanding it coming from Steve as of late. It was new and unfamiliar and that was why he had noticed in the first place. Something was going on in Steve, Bucky had decided on just observing and otherwise keep waiting what was going to happen next...

Two weeks later, Steve's family came back noisy, tanned, cheerful and full of anecdotes. Bucky was having dinner at the Starks' once or twice a week and that was always the second best time for him. The best was spending the evening after alone with Steve. They were playing video games, watching movies and shows, talking and discussing and they were laughing and laughing, they were always laughing together and fooling around and understanding each other like neither else in the world did.

Bucky was still working a lot and had little time because he was also studying so much, but they were seeing each other fairly often. Steve's relationship with Melissa cooled down somewhat a bit, but she was still present in his life. He regularly took her out, to burger shops, to the movies, to youth clubs and every time he was sleeping with her, in his car, in his room, in the bushes at the back of the Stark property …

Bucky was still loathing her deeply, but at the same time he more and more was getting to be with the two of them. Steve was always talking and joking more with him than with her, a fact he was enjoying very much. Steve was struggling with his conflicting emotions in the little time he had on his own ... Melissa was satisfying him and his needs, physically at least, yes, but he was getting more and more restless. Something was missing. And only when he was with Bucky he was feeling complete.

Steve was often thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. Pondering how different it would be to hold his body instead of a girl's in his arms. What was feminine, soft and rounded with girls would be firm and masculine with Bucky, and if he'd lay down on him, some part of Bucky's anatomy would press against his center, which of course was very familiar to him from his own experience, but at the same time new and exciting from the different perspective.

He couldn't deny being perfectly well able to thoroughly imagine how Bucky's penis would be throbbing, like his own did. That regularly was turning him on so much that he had to touch himself. And after it he was even more confused. Bucky was his friend! From summer camp when they'd been only kids!

And there was still this _thing_. Steve noticed with growing alarm how Bucky was still crushing on his father at dinner, hanging from his lips, constantly touching his own hair and licking his lips ridiculously often when he was speaking to him. That just wasn't normal! Bucky seemed madly in love with Tony Stark so Steve decided on getting a little drastic. One of Melissa's 'parties with college friends' was up again, three days before Pride Day.

So they'd meet with community college people, social quota scholarship owners, and Melissa's cocky brother Jake and his clique of like-minded losers in a demolished factory building, listening to loud music, smoking marijuana, taking pills, and drinking too much cheap beer. Steve wanted to ask Bucky to come along. He would drink up some courage, maybe even throw in one of those euphoric making pills and then he'd be telling Bucky some serious words. Yes.

He gave Melissa money and let her get the pills, hiding them in his room and asked Bucky to come to the party. He was so delighted by Steve's renewed attention he immediately agreed. Steve was prepared well that evening, putting the sachet of pills on his desk when a message on his phone distracted him, and then he had forgotten about them when he hurried down. He was driving all of them, he had been drawn. Melissa, Jake, a friend of Melissa who was hoping to 'turn around' Bucky, and Bucky himself were waiting at Steve's car.

"Oh no!" Bucky called out just as Steve arrived. "I got all my cards out yesterday while I was at yours to rearrange them, my wallet was so thick." He checked the wallet again but couldn't find his credit card. They wanted to grab a bite later in the evening. "No matter, 'm inviting you!" Steve said. "No, I'm gonna be right back." Everyone groaned, but Bucky was already back in the house, hurrying up to Steve's room. There he was scanning Steve's desk and found his credit card. Then saw the pills. He took the sachet in disbelief staring at it as if he was wishing for it to disappear. _Stevie ... no!_ he thought as he twisted and turned the bag. _What are you doing, Stevie?_

"Aren't you bunch gone yet, Bucky?" Mr. Stark's voice startled him. He whirled around. Tony Stark was standing in the doorway looking at him in a kindly surprise. Then Mr Stark's eyes fell on the bag in Bucky's hand and Tony was with him in four long stepss, grabbing his wrist with an iron hand and wrestling the thing out of his hand. He opened the sachet and dropped the pills onto his palm, looking at them. The 'E' for ecstacy was clearly visible. He looked up at Bucky (after all, he was a good deal taller now, even though he felt tiny), who was completely frozen . Tony's eyes were growing hard as stone.

“Leave my house, Bucky. Right away. And never let yourself be seen here again.” "Mr Stark!" Bucky called desperately, "Those are ..." and then he suddenly stopped. What should he say to Mr. Stark? Those were Steve's pills? No, _never!_ Steve mustn't experience what it was like to be despised by your own father, rejected and ... hated. _No way!_ " _What_ , Bucky?" Mr. Stark's tone was sarcastic. “Plant products, organic? Vitamins? What now, Bucky? ” "Sir, I ..." "I've made it clear to you that if you're bringing drugs near my family, I will not tolerate it. I've thought we were understanding each other then.” "Mr Stark, I ..." Bucky couldn't think clearly anymore, he couldn't think of _anything_.

"I've never offered Steve anything, I swear!" He burst out passionately a few moments later. "Good for you. Because then you would have really made me angry.” Tony Stark replied calmly. "But nevertheless. I've told you. If I'm catching you with drugs, your ass will be out here.” “Yes sir, I know. You've said that.” Bucky was close to tears, his whole body trembling.

Tony Stark _was_ sorry for making it so difficult for the kid, but this lesson was sorely needed. Of course, he would allow him to enter his house again some time. Bucky Barnes was not a bad person, on the contrary. But for the time being, what he did was educationally valuable. “I'm taking this flushing it down the toilet. I'm sorry if you've paid a lot of money for it. Oh ... no, actually I'm not." Bucky swallowed. "Of course Mr Stark, I understand that." Tony now was looking at him a little sadly: "Bucky ... you don't have to do this ...", he hesitated a moment, then went on.

“I know it's not easy for you, but you are having friends. There's Steve and ... us, his family too, I've thought.” Bucky wasn't able to keep his tears from falling now. “Mr Stark, sir, please, I'm begging you, I'm making up for it! Honestly. Please don't separate me from ... all of you. I'm gonna do anything you want!” Bucky frantically reached for Tony's forearms, clawed in. "Mr Stark ..." his voice failed. Tony gently freed himself from the painful grip.

"Please sit down, boy." He pushed Bucky onto the edge of Steve's bed. "I have no one else ...", it was so quiet and throaty that Tony had trouble understanding him, but since he could guess what the boy was feeling, he still got him. “Bucky, a leopard can't change its spots and I can't make an excuse on that, I'm sorry. I am angry and disappointed.” "I know," Bucky mumbled wetly. "How about you making some reparation? Then I might forget about the house ban again, someday."

A wave of relief swept over Bucky. "What are you thinking of, Mr. Stark?" "Well, if you've got caught out there, compulsory volunteer work would be due, right?" Bucky thought quickly. “A non-profit volunteering job? Would that be in your sense, sir?” Tony's smile was very open, honest, and encouraging. "For example." "And you won't send me away forever?" Bucky's voice was small and scared again. Tony's heart clenched.

"Probably not. Mistakes are there to be made and to learn from. You are pretty smart! Use that. ” Bucky was smiling again for the first time, a little cautious. “Mr Stark, I'm making up something. I'm doing something that's gonna convince you so I ... I really want to make it up to you.” "Yes, Bucky, I do believe you. And now off to the party! And be good." "Mr Stark? Does Steve need to know about this?” Bucky asked anxiously. Tony was looking at him intently, finding something that softened him and replied, "Only what you are telling him." "Thank you, sir," Bucky said, relieved.

He quickly ran out of the house. He wasn't really feeling like going to the party anymore, but he had to keep an eye on Steve. How could he have missed out on that, _how_? When he came down the driveway, everyone except Steve had been squeezed into the back seat of his little car, Steve was standing in the open driver's door, looking at him with concern. “That's taken forever! Have you found the card?” Bucky was suddenly so mad at Steve. Thinking about the tounge-lashing he had given him some day after his 18th birthday. The pompous hypocrite. Bucky glared at him and leaned into the car.

"Excuse us for a moment, I have to talk to Steve privately." Bucky was drawing groans in three different voices and Melissa's nagging "We're getting late anyway, does that have to be now?" with that but he was having enough of their shit and he _was_ in a bad mood so he snappedd: "Since Steve has to cart home your drunken asses afterwards, you're having no other choice," That silenced them. Melissa's friend Sheila pulled a face. She suddenly didn't think of Bucky so attractive anymore. Steve was staring at his friend. He was never showing such a rudeness and he seemed to be fuming.

"Let's go, have a short walk, Steve," Bucky said through gritted teeth when he noticed the deep line of disapproval between his friend's heavy brows. Bucky grabbed his upper arm leading him roughly away from the car. Steve's biceps was tensing automatically feeling like granite, hard, strong, masculine and very sexy under Bucky's fingers. He took a deep breath and let go of him. When they were out of sight, hidden behind the tall hedges shielding the property from the driveway, Bucky stopped, shoulders tensed, eyebrows drawn together, and his lips were a thin line. Steve wasn't avoiding his eyes, not a second.

“What the hell, Bucky? Why are you waltzing me away like a little child?” “I haven't just found my credit card. You've forgotten something for the party night.” Bucky's voice was cold and Steve went pale when he understood. "It's not what you think." Bucky looked at him in disbelief. "What an _asshole_ you are," he said, shaking with anger. "Bucky listen! I...” “ _Stop_ , Steven Stark. You're listening now. And you you're listening very carefully.”

Steve's mouth closed with an audible pop. Bucky's narrowed eyes were blazing like icy fire, his jaws grinding so hard the muscles were twitching. His chest rose and fell clearly visible, and the movements of his muscles in his forearms as he was clenching and opening his fists alternately were catching the last of sunlight coming over the hedge. Steve's breath accelerated a little, a hot wave was flowing from the top of his head to the tip of his toes and back again and now he clenched his fists too, he had to control himself not to be staring at Bucky _that way_ again.

At his mouth, beautiful in anger as well as made to be kissed. Where had that come from suddenly and why wasn't it going away? Was it supposed to go away ever again at all? Steve was wondering desperately. He took an unconscious step towards Bucky, as if magically drawn, and Bucky pushed him in the chest. "Are you going to punch me, you dickhead?" " _What?_ ", in complete confusion, Steve dropped his arms weakly and his face was literally collapsing in front of Bucky's eyes. “Bucky, no! How can you be thinking of that… ” Bucky relaxed, a small smile spreading around his curved lips. _Oh no, now I've looked again._ Steve blushed. Bucky let out a low chuckle.

“Well, listen, you clenching your fists and coming threateningly towards me with your ham-sized upper arms, your teeth firmly pressed together. If I had put a piece of wood in between them, you would have bitten through smoothly. One's having their reflexes when you have a spark of reason and a will to survive.” Steve giggled a bit, relieved at the usual casual tone. "Stop laughing, Steve," Bucky'd got serious again. Steve shook his head looking just as serious. "You're right, Bucky, I'm sorry." and he was talking about the fact he had disappointed his friend so much. "I'm always right. I'm the older one.” "And the smarter one," smiled Steve. Bucky shrugged. "I do not know. Maybe I shouldn't give you such a hard time after I ... well.”

Steve put his hand on his shoulder and squeezing lightly. “Bucky. But... You're having every right to do so. You from all people after I've been so shitty to you because of that. Honestly, I'm sorry. ” Steve's thumb was exactly where Bucky's shirt hem was ending. He could feel the warmth of his skin and the slight tremor of his pulse. Increasing the pressure on his fingers he took a tentative step close to Bucky who was holding his breath with his mouth slightly open, the tip of his tongue twitching nervously over his lower lip …

"Steve! Why is it taking so long?” Melissa's voice boomed from the street. Steve pulled back, his hand jerking away from Bucky's neck, where it had slipped as if he had burned himself. He turned to where he suspected Melissa and shouted, "Just another small moment, okay?" "Oh just hurry up," the disembodied voice nagged back.

Bucky had had time to gather himself by now. Letting his breath out silently, he closed his eyes briefly, bit his tongue and tried to master his raging thoughts and emotions. Steve had definitely been about to kiss him! In broad daylight and completely sober! He was delighted with the wide skater shorts he was wearing, hard as a rock as he was. What had happened there? And what would have happened if the stupid bitch hadn't interupted? He was immediately ashamed of his meanness, but only a little. If Steve touched him again, no matter where, he would suffer a heart attack and come into his pants.

He stepped back cautiously just in time before Steve turned back to him. "Sorry," the mumbled and Bucky didn't know what he meant. He stayed silent, just nodded. “I've just wanted to give it a try, only at this one party, Bucky. It's been the first time and a stupid idea.” "The first time, honestly?" “Once I've been dragging at a joint. I hated it and that's the truth.” "And?" "I'm leaving it. I'm leaving all of that now. Really." "Promise it." "I promise." „Good.“

„What about you? Have you ever... again, after...“ Bucky shrugged: „Once I've had some weed with a boy to get rid of that awkwardness... you know.“ „I don't, but I understand. Once... Truth?“ „Yeah, I swear.“ „So are the two of us back in track?“ „Very much so, you punk.“ Steve nodded, smiling. „Good.“ "Steve, we are young, we're about to own the whole world someday so we're able to change it. Do not let yourself get distracted." "No, Bucky, I don't, honestly."

Steve looked like he wanted to hug Bucky, if only in a friendly way, but with the little problem between them, Bucky couldn't let that happen. He turned towards the street giving Steve a comradely punch on the shoulder. "Come on, you punk. Our dates are waiting.” Steve snorted: "I told Sheila again and again, She's about to learn the hard way, I guess." Bucky grinned at that. "Tell me, don't you want to know what I've done with the E's?" "No, how come? I don't want them anymore and you don't need them. It's meaningless.”

Bucky was smiling contentedly. When they'd got in the car simply ignoring various 'finally's and' 'about time's, Bucky pulled out his phone to be logging in to the maths forum. He finally had to get rid of that ridiculous boner and maths was working fine as usual. He sighed and put the phone back in. Then he turned to the remarkably silent back seat having to grin inwardly. The three of them, like chickens on a row, were crowded together in Steve's small rear.

"I've flushed the pills down the toilet, by the way, just in case you are wondering how to ask Steve for them in my presence." He noticed his friend's grin out of the corner of his eye. "What the fuck?" Melissa was glaring at him, "They've been expensive." “And Steve's paid for them. I'm not hearing any complaints from him.” " _Steve!_ " “Melissa, Bucky is right. I don't want thatat all anymore.” Bucky smiled sweetly and Sheila, who was sitting in the middle, wondered what she had seen in the petty bourgeois. Jake was looking contemptuous and barked out maliciously:

"What's your problem? All of you gays are taking drugs all the time.” Steve stiffened next to him hissing, "Jake!" Bucky's smile got even wider and, surprisingly, sweeter: "You are knowing a lot about what we gay boys are doing." He was looking so smug and superior that Sheila immediately was again knowing what she'd seen in him and decided to give it a try with him later. Jake was staring at him full of hate and Bucky turned back silently laughing.

“Are we gonna be there soon, Stevie? It's so hot in here suddenly. ” Steve was grinning even wider after having looked quickly in the rearview mirror, where Melissa's brother had turned deep red with anger. He was missing Melissa's thoughtful look from Steve's blond head to Bucky's brunette one and back again. Sheila, immersed in her make-up mirror, didn't notice anything of this


	43. An Argument with Major Barnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: parental mental and physical abuse; parental threatening; Face-slapping (only once)
> 
> _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**An _Argument_ with Major Barnes**

In the industrial area near the harbor, everyone was folding himself out of the small VW stretching their limbs, especially the siblings and Sheila. Jake had only grown just as short as his sister and had therefore had to leave the passenger seat to the much taller Bucky with his endless legs. Loud beats were booming from an abandoned factory building and when they went in there was much noise and a seething crowd. It was unusually hot today, even now in the evenig, and the smell of sweaty people, marijuana and spilled alcohol was overwhelming. They searched for drinks and soon had one everyone except Steve who was driving. Clutching a red plastic cup with cheap beer in their hands they headed for a quieter corner. Bucky was musing over his cup, shaking his head.

"So this is America's future, all the young people here still wasting tons of plastic at their parties." Sheila looked at him curiously: "Are you something like Greenpeace?" Steve doubled over with shame. _Something like Greenpeace_... Bucky looked at her: “No. Greenpeace is a bit like PETA. The right intentions, the wrong methods. Too much money for publicity that could be used much better. I'm giving you an example ...” Sheila was looking at him adoringly, hanging on his lips.

However, he probably could have told something else, no matter what. She was simply delighted of of his educated speaking manner. She had never dated a boy who was so smart. Although she kept asking pretty stupid questions, Bucky thought she was much nicer than Melissa. Sheila was as thick as her, but she wasn't as malicious and vain.

The former was dancing with Steve while Jake was having his second drink in silence. Sheila laughed brightly at a silly joke Bucky made so he decided on sparing her the lesson he'd wanted to teach, she didn't deserve it. He'd actually intended to flirt with her, heating her up, and then leaving her hard and dry mercilessly. He couldn't do that anymore now.

"You mind me taking you outside the door?", he immediately put into action what he had to do. Sheila was beaming and hung herself in the crook of his elbow. _About time ..._ Outside they both took a few deep breaths, it had been suffocating in there. "Steve's told you I'm gay, right?" Bucky got straight to the point. "Ye-ah," she replied stretched. “Well, Sheila, I _am_ gay. Really gay. _Actually_ gay, so to speak.” "Oh." “You are a nice girl, but nothing's coming of it. I've tried in sophomore year. _I. Am. gay_.” "So you once've had a girlfriend?" She asked hopefully. Bucky sighed. “And it was not a very nice experience for either of us. Trust me, you don't turn a gay man around, no one can. No matter what you've been told.” She was chewing on her lower lip embarrassed.

"And do you have a boyfriend?" "Not at the moment, but now and then." Nodding bravely, she smiled crookedly: "Too bad." Bucky smiled: "Come on, let's go dance. Let's see if we can find a cute guy for you being able to appreciate you better than me, I'm meaning your _equipment_ ,” he winked. She laughed and hung on his arm again, this time more like a friend. "Don't you snatch him away from me!" “It's also not working the other way around when it comes to turn someone. I've already tried _that_ too,” he grinned. "And he was a real prince." "You're bullshitting me," she laughed. Bucky was laughing along, leaving it at that.

They went dancing and soon finding themselves next to Melissa and Steve staring at them, Melissa with an encouraging grin and Steve with raised eyebrows. Bucky and Sheila looked at each other and let out an amused chuckle. "Later!" Steve could read from Bucky's lips and his gaze stayed longer than necessary, while Sheila waved dismissively as a message to her friend.

A few hours later, Jake was totally drunk. Melissa, who had digged up a joint, was somewhat silent, which was only to her advantage, and Sheila had met someone who seemed entranced by her. Bucky gave her two thumbs up behind the guy with the footballer's shoulder width and the freckled cute face of a choir boy. He made sure the guy, Brent, was planning on staying sober and would take her home. Bucky had been flirting a little with a somewhat nerdy-looking electrical engineering student, but hadn't exchanged phone numbers with him. He was a little drunk, hoping Steve would drop him off before of the siblings.

He just couldn't see himself able to be alone with this new Steve, this Steve who recently was looking at his mouth so longingly when he felt unobserved. Bucky could just feel those glances, and the skin on his neck, where Steve's big warm hand had been, had been tingling all evening. He recalled the map of the area and breathed a sigh of relief, his home was much closer than that of Melissa and Jake.

At home he showered extensively first, his father was already asleep, then he looked for non-profit volunteer work jobs. He found three suitable ones and submitted applications. The next day, he sat down on the terrace with his breakfast and laptop. It was too hot in his room and Bucky refrained from using the air conditioning as often as possible. They had an out-of-date system consuming a lot of energy. His father came out sitting down with him. "Have you had a good week?" "Yes, Dad." His father didn't need to know more. "How's it been in Quantico?" George Barnes grinned wryly. "It' been the first time going alone to the Ministry of Defense banquet, it was strange." "I'm sorry, Dad." Major Barnes nodded something like a thank. "What are you working on?" He gestured to Bucky's laptop.

"I've submitted applications, waiting for an answer." "Have you quit your job at the messenger service?" “No, dad. I want to volunteer. 's going to look good on my CV. ” That was the story he would tell everyone. "This is good, boy." his father nodded approvingly. “They are always looking for volunteers in the veteran's home. Good for your career to get involved there. ” “No expense or effort is spared for our brave veterans. Why have working professionally trained specialists with traumatized war invalids if you can use volunteers. Oh! Wait a second ... ” Bucky drawled mockingly. Major Barnes flushed. “Don't be so precocious. You don't understand that. These brave men want to be looked after by normal people like you and me, not by snooty doctors and psychos.“

"If you say so." Bucky replied bored. Not realizing how angry he was making his father, he was immersed in a report on a new genetically engineered bacteria decomposing plastic waste. “Go apply for volunteer work there, Project Jericho, it's very close to Central Park. Go now.” George Barnes ordered. Bucky frowned, still not looking up. “I'm _not_ going there. I'm not listening to heroic stories from men with only one leg, arm or eye left. Heroes always have a tendency to end up in the cemetery and mostly incomplete so. ”

The slap across the face caught him off guard. He cried out suffocated, half falling off the chair from the sheer force, it was burning like fire and Bucky couldn't breathe. The laptop had clattered from his lap onto the porch floor and when he shook his head wildly in fear, finally could be breathing again, he noticed that father crouching menacingly above him, his outraged features made him look like the devil. Bucky squeaked breathless. He had never hit im in the face before! When he was a child he often got spanked his butt, which was obligatory with upbringing children for the Barnes. Later his dad had grabbed his arm or shoulder shaking him, but he had never hit him _in the face_. Til today.

"Daddy, please, don't hurt me ..." he whined, close to tears, sounding like a child. Major Barnes snapped out of his furiousness, straightening up. “You've deeply discountenanced me. I'm pretty offended, James Barnes. How can you talk so contemptuously about those great men who have made so many sacrifices for our country? I can't force you to work there. I would be ashamed of your insolent disrespect. But you will make a generous donation of your wages as a bike messenger as compensation, is that clear?” Bucky was staring at him, the left side of his face still burning like fire. "Is that clear, James?" Major Barnes was loud again.

"Yessir." Bucky gasped. His father was not as tall as he was, but he still was going to combat training regularly and could probably break his back with his bare hands. "Go to your room." Bucky picking up the laptop an his plate toddled off. The heat in his room almost was takingk his breath away. He skipped the air conditioning anyway. He was having his principles. After all, he was _something like Greenpeace_. He was smiling sadly. Then he saw his reflection in the mirror of his open closet. His entire left side of the face was an angry red and swollen. He burst into tears, threw himself on the bed and cried silently …

Much later he texted Steve:

" _Do you know if Sheila got home safe?“_

" _I'm asking Melissa._ " It took a few minutes, then: " _He was a gentleman._ “

" _I haven't touch her either ...;)_ " " _Jerk._ "

Bucky was rummaging in his closet for the next two hours. Pride Day was coming. He had ordered a cute silver-gray tank top that was only ending a hand's breadth above his belly button, spotting the words 'tainted like your bedsheets' in rainbow colors across the chest and rainbow socks. The choice for pants was tormenting him. He tried on a few and then opted for the low-waist, matt shimmering black one, which he quickly cut shot with little regret. In addition, he got out his narrow black leather suspenders.

He put on the rest of his outfit checking the outcome in the full-length mirror in his closet door. Bucky wasn't overly vain, but he knew his lean, but well-proportioned body looked good. He rocked his hips a little as a test. Yes, the outfit was working.

Shoes, he then remembered. He tried on a good dozen pairs and then opted for the cognac-colored work boots, all he had to do was get rainbow-colored laces. Then he was looping a few long leather straps in the same color as the boots around the waist and through the belt loops of his pants. Perfect. Then he quickly took everything off to not sweatening it. Hat or not? That was the next urgent question. He didn't really like covering his hair, they were the best thing about him. So he decided against it. He already had oversized pink-rimmed sunglasses, put them on and threw his lips up, laughing a little at himself.

He put them aside and was going through his bracelets and necklaces. He quickly found a good combination of silver and leather, as well as the Indian bracelet Steve had brought him from Montana a year ago for his wrists, the dog tags from his grandfather and a black and white checked bandana rounding off his perfect gay look. According to the old Hanky code tradition, he would put the twin of the hanky half into his back pocket, as a symbol for safe sex. And then it was time for the really difficult part: finding an outfit for Steve.

_Steve ..._ who'd almost kissed him. The memory came back like hitting truck and Bucky dropped on his bed, closing his eyes daydreaming, fantasizing about how it could have gone on had Melissa not interrupted Steve. Imagination quickly got out of hand and despite the heat he pulled his sheets over himself for a little _me-time …_

After a short nap, he was soaking wet from sweat. Taking a quick shower, putting on beach shorts and a tank top, he tried to find out what his father was doing. The house was all quiet, so he left his room finding a note on the kitchen table, dad had gone to an Urban League football match. He texted Steve:

“ _Time for your fitting?_ ”

" _What the hell?_ "

“ _Pride Day. After all, I'm going to be seen with you punk. I won't take no for an answer._ "

" _Jerk. Just come over._ "

" _You better come here, I'm aware of the contents of your closet._ ", Steve was knowing nothing about Bucky's ban in the Starks' home. He wouldn't even know how to explain that...

" _Half an hour._ "

About half an hour later, Steve was at the door. When Bucky opened, Steve said, “Hi! Fuck, it's hot today ... _Bucky!_ What's happened to your face?” He interrupted himself in shock.

_Shit,_ Bucky had forgotten that. The fact you could still see it that well, of course not the thing he believed to never be able to forget for live! He was to embarrassed to answer, his brain suddenly empty. The way Steve was standing in front of him, frowning, the deep line above his nose, this concern – no, not concern - _worry,_ the observing blue eyes scanning every inch of his face, Bucky was almost sick with love.

"Quarreling with Dad ..." he whispered unintentionally. Steve's expression changed. He was furious in a matter of seconds, sheer horror on the edges of his distinctive features. "Bucky ..." he groaned. "Is he here?" and that sounded so threatening that Bucky was glad his father was far away. He wouldn't have wanted to witness that. That would have quickly got ugly, Steve was looking so furious.

"Steve ... no, he's not here and .. let it be. I've been really impertiment,” he stammered lamely. Steve finally pushed him inside and closed the door behind them. He put both hands around Bucky's upper arms leaning forward, examining Bucky's face again. Sweat was breaking out on his neck, on his back, in his hairline and especially in his palms.

"It's nothing, Steve, it's gonna be gone by tomorrow," he whispered weakly. "Have you cooled it?" Steve released him, which Bucky both regretted and welcomed. "No. He's sent me to my room.” Steve just grunted, went to the Barnes' fridge and squeezed a few ice cubes out of the dispenser, wrapping them in a tea towel telling Bucky. "Into your room, go."

" _Wow_ ," chuckled Bucky, "I've heard that before." Steve just glared at him and nodded imperiously towards the hall. Bucky obeyed. There, Steve pushed him onto his desk chair with one hand gently putting the ice pack onto his cheek with the other. He was moving his lips in silent curses taking Bucky's left hand from his lap carefully placing it on the ice pack.

"Hold on, but don't push too hard." "I'm getting proper big brother vibes right here," Bucky chuckled. "One of my brothers is Thor, what are you expecting?" Steve laughed. Bucky was relieved. The murderous mood was slowly dissipating. "Do you want to tell me?" Steve was now sitting cross legged at Bucky's feet on the floor and looking up at him.

Bucky spoke in a low, calm voice until he got to the point where the unexpected blow had half taken him off the chair. His voice broke a little and while the first tears were coming, he confessed to Steve his fear and panic and shame about being ready to beg, to _implore_ his father not hurting him, just like a four-year-old calling him 'daddy' like a toddler.

Steve's horror and anger came back in an instant. And he could no longer control his own tears. Bucky had looked into his lap the entire time, unable at looking him in the face. The silence stretched and when Bucky finally dared to look up, he hissed in his breath. Steve was in tears running down his cheeks, red with anger. His mouth was painfully twisted and the sheer terror was visible in the depths of his beautiful baby blue eyes.

"Stevie ..." he whispered, then biting his lip to stop himself from telling him how much he loved him. Steve shook his head slowly, keeping an eye on him. “I'm stunned, Bucky. I am so sorry." Bucky sniffed. “I'm used to hate. Hate for what I am is omnipresent in my life, from people I shouldn't care about, but still, they hate me without knowing me, just because I'm _existing_.” Bucky choked out that last word, then continued:

"But my very own _father_ , who was instrumental in the process of _making_ me exist ... why's he hating me, _why_ Stevie?" He had to cry, hiding half of his face that wasn't behind the ice pack in his right hand.

Steve saw Bucky's quivering shoulders, listening to his heavy sobs raising and lowering his chest violently and he couldn't help pulling his friend off the chair into his lap, his arms around the boy who was huddled with misery, and he buried his face in Bucky's hair. He whispered passionately against the wild mane of silky locks.

"I dont know. I don't know how to be able to hate you, Bucky Barnes. I don't know how to know you and don't just have to be fond of you. You are the best person in the world and I will never meet a better person than you. Your _father_ ,” he choked out the word in his angry excitement, “is a fool. A narrow-minded embittered fool blinded by the war and its glory and not worth cleaning your shoes.”

Steve's breath was hot in his hair, for a moment he was almost sure about feeling a kiss to his head, and Steve's words were echoeing in him, powerfully and emotionally. He swallowed hard sinking as if boneless in Steve's lap, exhausted from his stiffness, resting his head on his shoulder.

"Thank you Stevie ..." he whispered weakly. "Welcome. You don't have to thank me for the truth. And you know what? I am very proud it is me going to Pride Day with you. Thanks for that." "Don't thank me too early, you still don't know what I'm going to do with you about your outfit." Bucky chuckled.

Steve was relieved that Bucky finally was sounding more like himself again. He gently pushed him away a little, paused, then noticed the ice pack melting between their bodies. They both had wet stains on their shirts. "Come on, I'm getting you new ice and then you're showing me what devilry you've planned for me," he smiled at Bucky. He sniffed again, but not as wet as before and laughed. "You're gonna be be amazed!" "Certainly." Steve countered dryly.

Steve was sitting on Bucky's bed and his friend was giddy with excitement. "Soccer, Stevie!" "Pardon me?" Steve laughed. “You have to wear a soccer jersey. At first I thought of a quarterback outfit, but the jerseys are looking like flour bas! No, not for you. Your body is too good to be hidden in a quarterback's jersey. What have you worked out for like a man possessed, after all? Unfortunately, our school's soccer jerseys are emerald green and ...well, I mean, of course it's fabulous on me, but ... ”, he was grinning. "Yeah, yeah, I know ...", Steve groaned, "Everything's fabulous on you."

"Nonsense," Bucky was beaming happily, pressing the new ice pack to his left cheek during the outfit discussion while Steve kept going through his unspeakable rage ... how could one hurt him, _how?_ "Look at it!" Bucky exclaimed excitedly and opened up a picture of the US national soccer team's jersey on his laptop. The deep blue one with the stars and stripes on the sleeves. "It's a great color for you, let's order one." "Sure," Steve agreed smiling. Bucky chose size M and Steve's smile died away.

"I'm going to look someone who went shopping in the children's section." "That's the intention, so to speak, it _has_ to be tight-fitting," Bucky instructed. Steve didn't want to argue. As the caption on the back instead of the player's name, his friend suggested 'supporter' which Steve liked. "Do you have a favorite number?" Steve considered. "Four?" "You have so much imagination, Stevie," Bucky giggled. "What's _your_ favorite number then?" Steve grumbled back. "Eleven." "Why?" "Gay awakening?" "What's it been exactly?" Bucky was looking at Steve in silence for some while.

"If it is too personal, then ...", he said quickly. “I've been to summer-camp. I've read the Panem trilogy there, do you remember? ” Steve nodded. “When I got back from the camp, my parents surprised me with the DVD. And I've fallen in love with the male lead. Just like that." "The male lead is ...?" Bucky rolled his eyes. “You've watched those movies with me! Peeta, of course. Josh Hutcherson.” "Oh, him." "You have no idea whom I'm talking about, do you?" Steve laughed disarmingly. "No, sorry." "You know what that means." "Unfortunately, yes", Steve chuckled, "I can experience you wanting to crawl into TV while I have to watch a movie with a bitchy, constantly pouting Jennifer Lawrence."

"Oh, you're remembering _that_." "Just because of the memes," Steve smirked. "Who's to be believing that?" "What pants would go with the jersey?" Steve changed the subject pulling the laptop towards him to enter his credit card number. Bucky looked at the back of his head and was amazed how quickly he had put together this fairy tale. Yes, he thought Hutcherson was hot and he was his favorite character out of these movies, but the real reason for realizing he was into boys back then in the summer of 2012 now was twice his size as he had been then, sitting right in front of him.

"Hm, let's see." Bucky went to his closet diving in. "No way, I'm fitting in your pants," Steve laughed out. Bucky glared back at him over his shoulder. “You're constantly pretending I'm not taller than a twelve-year-old. We're exactly the same height, punk!” "Still.", Steve replied sneering, Bucky made a face. “You've got pretty narrow hips and a small waist. Your thighs are obscene though, but I'm sure I'm finding something.” Bucky's eyes were back in his closet. _Obscene?_ Was that a compliment? Steve wondered but didn't say anything.

"Yes!" Bucky called triumphantly pulling a casual white pair of sweatpants from the closet, three-quarters long with a red stripe on the outer seams, tossed them to Steve and commanded: "Put them on." "I've never seen you in them..." Steve wondered as he held up the pants in front of him. Bucky sighed dramatically: "There are not enough days for my haute couture." His rather large closet was threatening to burst. Steve laughed maliciously:

"Maybe you should have stayed in the closet for two more years, you would have had plenty of time to wear everything." "Shut the fuck up and finally undress, uh, dress up.", Bucky quickly turned back to his closet to hide his violent blush. Steve, no less blushed, took off his cargos putting on the sweatpants. They were sitting narrow on his hips and tight-fitting, the fabric stretching around his thighs weren't hiding that much. You could clearly see the movement of his muscles with every twitch. "Done," he said somewhat shyly.

Bucky turned to look at Steve, supressing a sigh. "Looking good," he said neutrally. _Looking stunning, you sexy fucker!_ he thought. "Alright. I'm trusting you on that,” Steve answered doubtfully. “You can confidently. But you have to pull them up a little by the legs so that they're looking more casual.”

Steve looked down at himself and tugging on the pants. Bucky shook his head, tutting a bit and crouched in front of him working a few incidentally looking folds into the pant's legs. Satisfied with his work, he suddenly realized being at eye level with Steve's crotch. He swallowed hard and got up so quickly that he got a little dizzy. Steve immediately grabbed him and held him by the upper arms.

"Bucky! Are you feeling sick? Are you maybe having a concussion?”, the thought occurred to him for the first time and he was annoyed he hadn't thought of it earlier. The way Bucky's face looked like it was quite possible. Anxiety overwhelmed his rising anger and he was studying his features as intensely as before. And when his eyes stilled on his full lips again, Bucky freed himself frantically calling in a brighter-than-usual voice:

"I haven't eaten enough, that's all, what about ordering pizza?" Steve frowned again, but gave in. He could keep an eye on Bucky and with the slightest irregularity he would get him to the hospital. Steve's resolutely pushed out chin was setting Bucky up for a few hours of observation, meaning a few hours of an grim discipline and Oscar-worthy acting. Steve was so sweet with him today and so concerned and worrying about him and _involved,_ it would be difficult keeping his emotions in check. He sighed inwardly. If Steve wouldn’t back off a bit, he was so fucked up …

Then they watched the first two episodes of the Hunger Games tetralogy, having pizza, chatting, and by eleven, Bucky was dead tired. He sent Steve home. He agreed but not without Bucky guaranteeing and promising to report immediately if something was wrong and then he went to sleep. For Bucky, everything was just fine. The day had been perfect from the moment Steve had came to his door …


	44. Pride Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Description of the event 'Pride Day' is strictly fictional. Please be kind. I have no idea, just telling the events to get on with the plot. No accuracy in any way claimed. ;)

**Pride Day**

Steve went to Buckys home late in the morning with a queasy feeling. His courage had gotten a bit lost the closer Pride Day got. Of course he would keep his word, but he _was_ having mixed feelings about the day that meant so much to Bucky. When he opened the door, he was already in full gear, so to speak, complete with eyeliner, glitter body powder, colorless lip gloss, sparkling with excitement, and Steve, whom he had not revealed what he would wear, was really amazed at the sight in front of his eyes .

Bucky was so strange to him and so familiar at the same time. He had never seen him in such provocative clothes or make-up, but the smile, his facial expressions and how he was moving was as Bucky as he had known him for years and he shook his head in astonishment.

"You're looking fantastic." Bucky had been a little nervous, but the moment Steve'd looked at him from top to bottom and then back again without showing any signs of disapproval or even disgust, his confidence returned.

"Yes, aren't I?" He pirouetted his arms gracefully raised above his head like a ballerina and shot Steve a flirtatious look to his eyes ... "Something's telling me I have to go home alone today." he laughed. Bucky came back: "This is just about the message." “Don't be pretending. It's not suiting you. Stick to thinking of the tongues down your throat!” They were in Bucky's room now, with Steve's outfit ready on his bed. Air conditioning was working for an exception with Bucky prefering not to be sweaty before the parade. He dropped into his desk chair.

"I have a job in volunteer work." "Cool, which one?" “Daytime summer camp for special needs kids. Starting on Monday.” Steve frowned. "That well, that's oughta be pretty .. _. hard._ " "Well, if it's supposed to impress, I have to do more than petting kittens in the shelter or walking dogs." "You're probably right." Bucky's determination to get a scholarship with all his might was making Steve so proud of him.

"Get changed now," Bucky nodded to the bed, "I've found the perfect shoes for you." They had the same size. Red sneakers were laying in front of the bed. Bucky turned to his laptop looking for train times while Steve changed. "So. What do you think?”, Bucky turned to Steve, who was standing in front of the tall mirror, full of doubt. _Wow_. "Two tiny corrections," Bucky got up, loosend the fit of the sweatpants and pulled the skin-tight jersey up a little just so an half-an-inch-thin strip of skin was flashing out. Taking a step back he admired his work.

"Perfect," he breathed, "you should dress like that more often." Steve was embarrassed a bit and tried to cover it up. “Let me have the outfit for Sunday's church.” It was fun, Steve never went to church. Bucky frowned. "Don't you test me, Steve, I'm going with you like this!" He snorted, gesturing down his body. “If that wasn't something else, a real sensation.” “Headlines in local press.” Steve kept what he was thinking, which was Bucky being definitely worth the headlines in local press. He was ... really _beautiful_.

Steve was startled inside. This was the first time he'd used that strong word about someone his age. He thought of girls who usually attracted him as pretty, sweet, sexy, hot or cute. He thought his mother was beautiful and believed in Thor growing into a beautiful man, but never before had that word struck him as deeply as this time. Bucky was ... beautiful, _gorgeous!_ He swallowed hard. The day would not be easy, he sighed secretly.

They went to the Park'n'Ride car park taking the train to the city. The cabins were crammed with lively, colorfully dressed, obviously queer people of all ages and in all stages of being properly – or not such - dressed. Steve had never seen that amount of bare skin in public transportation ever and never seen so much leather, rivets, paint, and chains. And never before so many women with extremly short hair in polo shirts or women with tousled hair and dressed extravagantly with fishnet stockings or in brocade dresses.

When a fiery-looking redhead with big tits in a latex corset with a frilly blouse underneath was running her long red fingernails over Steve's cheek, he literally froze. Bucky giggled next to him and when Steve broke away from the lady looking at him, he cocked an eyesbrow at him and pointed to his own adam's apple. Steve's eyes shot back to the woman and then to her neck. _Oh_. He laughed a little weakly to Bucky.

They'd headed to the place Bucky had chosen for them in the city an hour before the parade was about to begin, buying pretzels and cola on their way, and now they were standing in a waiting position on the side of the road. Music echoed through the streets. Well-known gay anthems like 'It's Raining Men', 'YMCA' and pretty much every song by ABBA or Queen. Steve's eyes darted here and there, sucking up everything he saw relaxing more and more.

Bucky next to him spotted his prettiest smile all the time swaying to the music, laughing and joking with bystanders and with Steve. It promised to be a fantastic day, despite his nervousness, he decided. The parade finally started and the crowd got more excited. Who would be leading the parade was a well kept secret until the very end. Ellen Degeneres and Jim Parsons, both accompanied by their spouses and kids! Everyone cheered out enthusiastically, Steve came along.

The parade was worth seeing, a rather special experience. Beautiful drag queens (Steve now knew what to look out for), men fitting into any stripper ensemble, women's soccer and rugby teams, normal-looking people in small groups, with their partners and children, gathered in Sections like NYC Government or Brooklyn Grocery Union, a wildly acclaimed squadron of the hottest firefighters you could imagine with little more than pants and helmets ... it wasn't ending for a long time. And every time Steve looked over to his best friend, he was so relaxed and happy beaming with red cheeks, the lip gloss had long been licked off, but his lips still were shimmering, moist and plump …

Steve's mind was getting as light as never before. A group just came with a banner, 'NYC City Planning Department' and Bucky reached for Steve's hand. "Steve ..." he whispered urgently.

“Put your arm around me. Pretend you're liking me, like in _liking_.” And Steve understood immediately. _This city planner_ was at the front of the group and Steve not hesitating for a second, wrapped an arm around his friend, pulled him close and buried his chin and mouth in his silky hair. Jay's gaze fell on them, he recognized Bucky immediately and shortly afterwards Steven Stark from his high school, which he had met at the sports festival. His eyes narrowed and Bucky's hand was ghosting over Steve's stomach, just where his shirt had slipped up. He was looking confidently at his ex-boyfriend, Jay glaring with a flushed face and then the group was past them.

Bucky felt like having scored a victory there. He turned his head to look at Steve. He was so close, after all half of his face had just been in his hair and Bucky's hand was still on his stomach and Steve's arm was still around his shoulders. "Steve ..." he murmered, "have you seen that? He's been so jealous!” "He's going to kick his own ass tonight for what he did to you," Steve said seriously. Bucky's fingers curled and his short nails ran over the sensitive skin on Steve's stomach. He was spreading goose bumps despite the heat. For a few seconds they were staring into each other's eyes until Steve slowly let his arm slide from Bucky's shoulders the latter was regretfully pulling his hand away from Steve's stomach.

"Thanks." Bucky breathed. "Not for that," Steve came back hoarsely. Then he straightened his shoulders, clearing his throat and asked sternly: "How many of your ex-lovers am I actually having to expect here, you shameless thing?" Bucky laughed out loud. "You're exaggerating punk." They turned back to the parade, both with a tingling sensation in their stomach that could not be discussed away. Which Bucky didn't mind a bit but Steve quite a lot. And on top of things Bucky won't be proved correct...

After the parade, they went three blocks to a street carnival where there was live music and dancing. Steve found out that he was dealing with the most respectful people he'd ever seen at a party like this. He was noticing hardly any unwanted touching, no violation of personal space, if this was not clearly desired, and also experienced himself that the slightest hint was enough to stop people from trying to hit on him, kicking it in to the lone grass. Bucky, on the other hand, was here, of course, to get his personal space violated a little, tolerating a little harmless flirty touching and to be flirting himself, of course. Steve had adjusted himself and was finally there to fully support his gay best friend. But he couldn't say that he particularly liked it.

The piece of bare skin between Bucky's top and tight, low-sitting pants was some kind of a magnet for the men he was dancing with, and Bucky seemed enjoying it very much. He was leaning against the fireman in pants, boots and helmet, nothing else, behind him and his slim waist almost disappearing into the guy's huge paws. Then he whispered something into Bucky's ear, which was making him biting his lip and bending his head a little, like an invitation. Which the fireman gladly accepted to kiss him on the neck, nibbling a little and licking it. Steve had seen enough, thought of it a little creepy to be watching and got himself something to drink. Just as he was thinking about picking a train back on his phone, his eyes fell back on his friend.

The fireman had moved on, but Bucky wasn't looking the least bit sad about it. With a smile he searched the crowd until he finally found Steve, smiling even wider, he made his way to him. He was looking at the cup in his hand. "Have you only gotten one?" "Uh." "Have you thought I would just let you down on a party?" Bucky laughed, "You know Bro before ... Okay, it's not working here." They giggled. "Best Bro before Undressed Bro?" Bucky laughed. Steve groaned. "It's good you want to be an engineer, you can't do much with words."

"Bucky?" they whirled around to the voice. They were stnding with a young man, a little shorter than them, in a rainbow shirt and simple pair of jeans, whom Steve had never seen before, but who obviously knew Bucky, because: "Aaron!", he exclaimed and what looked at first as if the two were going to hug each other in a friendly way was ended in a kiss on the mouth. Short and without tongue, but it still looked like it wasn't their first time doing this. Steve's eyes went huge.

“Steve, this is Aaron, he's a veterinary medicine student at Mercy College. Steve has been my best friend since middle school. He's come to support me, see.”, Bucky motioned Steve to turn around and showed the veterinary student his back print. Aaron made a definite gesture with a questioning nod to Steve's back towards Bucky who shook his head with a smile.

"Good of you being supportive of your friend so much," Aaron said kindly to Steve when he faced them again. "Hardly anyone at home knows about me and most of them who do, are hushing up about it." "Aaron is from Indiana," Bucky explained. "Oh my condolences. Better stay here after graduation.” Steve smiled regretfully. "Nah, no way, my father's vet clinic and ... Rachel are there, after all." Steve's jaw dropped. “Aaron's getting married after graduation. He's bisexual, Steve. ” "Oh, and at first I've thought you were getting married to disguise yourself," he said, relieved. "No. I really love Rachel”, Aaron replied seriously.

"You haven't gotten back in touch," the student turned back to Bucky, looking a bit commiserative. “Oh, I just couldn't find the time. I've been spending spring break with my father at the Greenland air base.” "Greenland! Just hearing about that would have made a welcome reunion.“ Aaron laughed putting his hand on Bucky's forearm, tenderly drawing small circles on his skin, which he seemed to enjoy. “After that I've been doing a lot for school because of the exams and since the beginning of the summer holidays I've had a job again. There's also my internship at SI. I'm a very busy bee.”

“And you're not looking as sad anymore as you did then. Well, I'm glad about that. Although that's probably meaning you're not going to call me in the near future, but well, that's life.”, The student was smiling more carefree than his words were sounding. In Steve's eyes, he wasn't in love with Bucky. He was eager to find out what had been going on between his best friend and the man.

“Well, I've got to go on, there's a good show in a club. It's a shame that you boys from high school aren't getting in there. Still a Happy Pride Day!”, he leaned over to Bucky and the two of them kissed, a little longer this time, but still with their lips closed, then Aaron waved goodbye to Steve disappearing into the crowd. "What?" Bucky blurted out at Steve, who was looking at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. "I want to know everything." "You are a punk." " _Everything_ , jerk."

They strolled along a few blocks in search of good music and Bucky was telling Steve _everythin_ g. Well, _almost_ everything. He concluded his story with: “We've had a really good time together and actually I was going to see him again. He's nice, we've been enjoying each other. But I really haven't had the time, that was no lie.” Steve said nothing.

"What? Are you thinking I'm heartless or anything along that lines? Superficial?” “Bucky, I'm just surprised. It's the first time I've heard about it, after all.” “Hasn't been that important. After all, we've agreed from the start that this isn't nor is gonna be anything serious. Aaron is engaged.” "To a woman." “ _Bisexual,_ new word for you? You're educated, Stevie.” Bucky teased him. "You were looking very familiar together." "Breaking News, Steve: We were having sex together all night long." "Yes yes, it's ok." Bucky sighed.

"What do you want to know?" "I ..." Steve hesitated. "I'm not judging anything, but ..." " _Not anyhing,_ for sure, yeah," Bucky said dryly. Steve frowned. "I just mean, so this fiancee, does she know that he's ... bi?" "Of course. That's something you're telling the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, right?” "And ... she's not minding?" “Well, I can't tell, I don't know her. Aaron says she's cool with it when it's happening far from home. But _can_ you be cool with it, really and honestly cool and unaffected?” "I have no Idea. You?" "In any case, I'm very happy that I'm that committed to men only as I am." Steve's head jerked to him. "What are you meaning by that?"

"Fancy some ice cream?" Bucky asked suddenly. "What?" "There's one of those old soft ice cream machines, I'm just in the mood for it, you too?" "Do you want to get some salmonella poisoning?" "Come on. I haven't been ill since I was nine and you're fit like a fiddle, too. Our immune systems can handle some soft ice cream. ”, Bucky pulled Steve to the soft ice cream car, laughing, which was operated by a heavily made-up mat in tulle and frills. "Well, you sweeties fancy some ice cream?", The voice revealed the man underneath all the make-up.

Steve ordered chocolate and Bucky vanilla ice cream. The drag generously filled two cones with the creamy mass and took their money. Giving Steve his ice cream, he poked into his biceps with the index finger of his other hand. “You certainly won't believe it, but at your age I was also built that sightly. I'm just my own best customer, unfortunately. And I had some cute twiggy boy like your gorgeous boyfriend, too.”, He winked at Bucky. He chortled while Steve, reddened with embarrassment, didn't have an answer.

"That's hurting. I'm a long way from being a 'twiggy boy', ma'am." "But I'm sure about you to be wonderfully flexible." This time he winked at Steve exaggeratedly. "Uh, I don't know, ma'am." Steve did the impossible: he grew even redder. Bucky giggled.

“I've had him since before puberty, ma'am. My best friend, unfortunately, had been sexually orientating in a somewhat strange way. Without wanting to be in any form offending, he likes ... _women_.”, Bucky emphasized the last word as if he was saying something very obscene. The ice cream seller burst out laughing so infectiously that Bucky and even Steve just had to laugh along.

“The two of you, I like you. Too bad, you are making such a nice couple.”, The _ma'am_ said to them as a goodbye. Grinning, they were licking their ice cream cones as they walked on. "Mmm, tasting like childhood." “like summer camp.” “like swimming pool and yes, childhood.” "A good time." "The time is good now, too, isn't it?" Bucky looked at Steve and said stretched. "Yeah, you're still my friend." “Forever, Bucky. Your _best_ friend if you want that. ” "I _want_ that, Stevie." They were looking each other in the eyes with understanding.

"What've you meant by being happy to be so committed?" Bucky was frowning. Steve hadn't forgotten the subject. Although he hadn't really _intended_ on changing, he wouldn't have been sad talking about anything else. “Take Aaron. He is bisexual. No matter who he is with, it's never everything he wants. He loves his girl, wants to marry her, be with her forever and still can't be true blue to her because he can't get out of his skin. And her? What is left for her if she loves him? He is what he is and she has to either accept it or giving him up. Fucked up. Bisexual people are meant to be terribly torn, at least if they're really meetimg the one person, _the one_ , Steven.” Bucky glanced at him, serious and thoughtful. “And then you have to ask yourself if they can never be enough for you. Pretty fucked up.” Steve was speechless.

“And that's why I'm happy about men alone floating my boat. Although it is cruel, of course ... ", he was spreading his arms grinning," ... categorically withholding _this_ from three and a half billion people ...” “You are such a jerk." "You know, I'm just a little of a coward when it comes to things like this: Telling the person I'm loving so much I want to spend the rest of my life with being not certain about myself's. Who in the world would not be upset then?" Bucky said seriously. “I'd just never want to hurt him.” 

Steve swallowed. "You are..." he stopped, taking a deep breath but wasn't going on for a moment "...a jerk? We've already been there, you punk.” Bucky huffed, glaring at him. “I've wanted to say 'grown up',  _mature_ even. Must be the reason why you're always ... ”, Steve closed his mouth, suddenly looking ashamed, he had not wanted to say that. "Always what, Stevie?" He teased. "Dating older men."

" _Older_ men! Are you crazy? Well, one of those sugar daddies with plenty of cash, maybe I would be able to pay for college in New York. ”, Bucky smirked and Steve had to think of his dad briefly... _Urgh_ , was Bucky thinking of him too ? "Bucky, that's not funny." “Not all jokes are funny and that was one. _That's_ nothing for me. ”, he was sounding annoyed. "Sorry ... I'm aware. Of course not." "Apology accepted."

"Steve ...", Bucky ended the somewhat uncomfortable break following the latest exchange, "It's not easy to meet gay boys my age. Many have not yet come out, some do not even know what is going on with them. The radar is not yet working. I am wrong so often myself! I've hit on T'Challa. _T'Challa_!“, Bucky chuckled. Steve was briefly shocked about that a bit, but quickly recovering. Actually he had thought of something like that at the time.

“I just don't always want to be so _lonely_ anymore. I've known what I want and what I need for so long. I ... ”, Bucky stilled, his throat suddenly tight. _I want and need you, you lovable wonderful idiot, why are you forcing me to have this conversation?_ he thought. Steve froze briefly when Bucky's voice was breaking somehow and was terribly ashamed. He called out passionately:

"Bucky, I'm sorry, you don't have to keep talking. Come on, I haven't come to ruin your day, most certainly not. Let's go dance, have fun, have a good time. Please forgive me." And Bucky literally _melted_ , his unique smile, the one he only smiled for Steve, brightening his features, tugging at Steve in such a frightening and at the same time so wonderful wayt he was smiling back as tenderly as he never was doing with anyone except Bucky …

They were having a lot of fun. Dancing, giggling, fooling around, and when everyone in Central Park was admiring the fireworks they were sitting back to back with some beer each an older gay couple had get them and Bucky's head sank back onto Steve's shoulder, tired and overjoyed, Steve also did so without thinking about it right away and put his head on Bucky's shoulder. "Never stop being my best friend," he whispered barely audibly against the thundering firecrackers but Bucky's whole self was on tiptoes and so filled with Steve that he cleary got him of course.

"No way. Nothing in my life will ever be more important than you. ” And for the first time in ages, Bucky was not sad about that. It simply was the truth. No matter what happened, he would always be Steve's best friend and Steve would be his. And he had never been happier in his life like he was at that moment. And Steve would be up most of the night later because he was feeling exactly the same ... Taking the last train out of downtown to Park'N'Ride they went back to Bucky's house. Steve apparently was about to stay in the car when Bucky got out.

"Don't you want to take your clothes with you?" “I can go in this, I'm getting you your pants and shoes these days. cleaned and ironed, or whatever Mrs. Watson's doing with laundry. "I've got white laundry to do tomorrow anyway, leave it here and put your own clothes back on," Bucky replied, hoping Steve wouldn't think much of it. "Okaayy," he drawled and got out. The house was dark and lonely and uninviting as always. Steve sighed and felt so sorry for his friend, repeated, but not saying anyhing about it, what would it help? "Dad's always disappearing on Pride Day, probably doesn't want to see me like that," Bucky explained promptly in a casual manner when they went up the driveway. In the house he switched on a few lamps and got some coke from the fridge.

In his room he took off his bracelets with his back to Steve while he was changing. "Steve, I ...", he was speaking to his desk where he had put the jewelry. "Thanks. That was a fantastic Pride Day. ” “Hey, no need to. Please, look at me. I'm changed." Bucky turned. Steve was looking like always again, summer trousers, checked shirt, canvas shoes and he was so wonderfully himself ... “I've really enjoyed the day and I'm glad about having come with you. Good to here you've been liking it so much with me.” “Liked it like never before.” Steve cocked his head.

“If I've blocked something for you, I'm sorry, though. I mean, if your house is on fire soon, a fireman like that would be helpful.” Bucky snorted. "You don't need a fireman for every fire," he winked.

"I'm leaving, it's already one am." "Yes, get home safely." Steve nodded goodbye and when the closing door clicked shut behind him, Bucky grabbed the pants Steve had been wearing all day pressing them to his face. They smelled like Steve and he was glad he didn't take them to get cleaned. Bucky took a shower and then fell into bed half dead from comforting fatigue, the pants with the smell of Steve's folded under his head …

Steve was lying in his bed, also showered, pondering over desperately broken bisexuals, always torn and hurt and hurting the people they love... What a mess!


	45. Farewell, Melissa...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: gay bashing

**Farewell, Melissa...**

Steve was spending many hours over the next few days questioning his sexuality. He was drawn to Bucky, enormously attracted, constantly thinking about him, his mouth, his lean, long-limbed body, his fluffy hair, his stunning eyes, his beautiful hands!

He was in love with him and he couldn't no lomner deny it anymore, he was too honest to, at least to himself. He was watching gay porn, _lots_ of gay porn and didn't know how he would be able to look Bucky in the eyes the next time they'd meet, with everything in mind he had imagined doing with him ... Bucky being so guarded regarding bisexuals, because that's what he was - _bisexual_ \- apparently.

Had he had the guts to ask Bucky, he would have made that clear very quickly. Of course, Bucky wasn't having the slightest thing against bisexuals, he was really just happy not to be exposed to this stress himself and he also loved sex with men, just the idea of dealing with a woman ... scared him. The embarrassing fumbling with Charlie in Sophomore year was truly enough for him.

But that was out of the question for Steve, to tell Bucky. When they had just gotten their friendship back to the right level. And their friendship was the most important thing in Steve's life! He was seeing Melissa and also having sex with her, which pleased him physically, but left him strangely empty and incomplete recently.

Bucky had arrived in a new dimension of stress, volunteering every day from eight in the morning to two in the afternoon, then, after a short break, riding his motorbike around Manhattan every other day, delivering documents until 8pm. He had to keep this job in order to be able to afford the horrendous sum of $ 1,600 his father had asked for as a donation to the veteran's home. The other afternoons he attended Stark internship.

He liked volunteering in the camp. It was exhausting, nerve-wracking, the noise level sometimes deafening, but the children and adolescents liked him and he liked them, his colleagues, the full-time staff and other volunteers were all nice people, who'd made it to their daily life making existence better for these young unpriviledged people.

Volunteers at the camp were assigned one-to-one to a child as caregivers. Bucky was the only man among a large group of female students and high schoolers aiming for a career in social work - and most of them were eyeing the pretty colleague with great interest during the introduction on the first day.

When his supervisor assigned him 14-year-old Lewis, a mentally disabled boy with incontinence, on the first day of work, the boy after all, could not be expected to be accompanied and assisted by a girl in the bathroom, Bucky took a brave breath .

“Mrs Carpenter, ma'am, I'm gay. I think you should know that.” The social worker looked at him kindly. “I appreciate your trust and honesty to tell me so, Mr Barnes. But I'm not worried about that. There's no reason at all. You're hardly attracted to a 14-year-old who's not able to count to ten wearing diapers. You're not going to be observed more in dealing with these children than any other volunteer here.”

As a result, Bucky made it clear to the team pretty quickly about being gay gay. Nipping in the bud all attempts at advances and possible bitching and rivalries on his behold. With the full-time staff, largely female social workers, except for one male colleague in his mid-40s and an enthusiastic soccer fan (they soon became friends), mother instincts quickly were developed for the well-behaved young man and he was spending the hours in the camp with a lot of enthusiasm, devotion, determent, lots of laughter and joking and he was taking the heart of the boy he cared for by storm. He clung to him like a lost brother and 'Bucky' quickly became the kid's most spoken word.

The first week after Pride Day, to his great relief, Steve in his current confusion had seen nothing of Bucky. At the weekend, however, he really wanted to see him, exchange, telling each other their news and Steve chose an evening in a youth club with darts and billiards around the corner from Melissa's. So Melissa and her brother would be there too. _Fantastic.._. Friday night after a couple of hours at Stark Industries in the repair shop, Bucky showered and dressed in comfortable, sporty clothes, Steve's Pride Day pants and a Stark Industries t-shirt. A sluggish evening in the casual youth club was really to his taste right now.

He was exhausted at the end of the busy week, but he was also looking forward to see Steve. It was a downer that terrible Melissa and her even more terrible brother were there, but Bucky surrendered to that fate. They had a grab of bite when they were all together, hot dogs, the only food offered in the club, and Bucky told Steve about his volunteer work. Steve thought he was astonishingly cool around Bucky after all. That had been probably a little more stimulating, the Pride Day atmosphere compared to everyday life. And Bucky's Stark Industries t-shirt somehow reminded him of Bucky's not so secret crush for his dad.

“... and the boy loves me. He's following me everywhere like a puppy or a duckling and he's just an angel. Completely relaxed and in peace with himself, actually enviable.” Bucky said. Steve smiled: "It's good how you are so fulfilled." "Why are you doing this at all?" Melissa asked, "you're even not paid!" "I'm collecting achievements for my college application." "Oh ...", she was glancing on her phone again bored. "Excuse me," Steve said and disappeared to the toilets.

"And the kid's really wearing diapers at 14?" Melissa asked suddenly, a little disgusted. "Lewis has some bowel abnormality and can't control his defecation," Bucky replied evenly. “It's really gross. You have to change his diapers, wipe the crap off?” the girl asked in disgust. “Breaking news, Melissa. There are hygiene gloves, water, soap and disinfectants,” Bucky said coolly. Her brother intervened: “Oh Melissa, Bucky can handle. You know where _they're_ always having their hands, or even their faces.” Bucky was raging with hate in an instant, but he played it cool eyeing him ice cold from top to bottom, then:

"Jake. I can only realize how well you are informed. Informed about what _we_ are doing. Where we're having our hands, our faces, our tongues and other parts of the body ... Sounding damn hot, isn't it? Maybe you should finally take the step. You're gonna be amazed at how good a cock like this is feeling in your mouth. I'm sure that would be to your liking. But, sorry, you are not my type.“

Jake flushed violently at Bucky's words, then lunged on him with a roaring "Damn faggot!" Melissa screamed shrilly: "Jake!" At that moment Steve came back from the toilet. And he also cried out in horror: "Jake!", who was over Bucky, was just banging his fist down on him, almost hitting him on the shoulder, because Bucky had skilfully dodged to not be hit in his face. Jake's fist slid over his shoulder and crashed into the wall of the alcove where they were sitting on low sofas. Jake's knuckles had to be damn painful now. Bucky pulled one leg up and kicked the other in front of his chest, causing him to tip over landing on his butt.

The youth club's employees came running and caught Jake, before he could get wildly on Bucky again. Melissa howled out theatrically. Steve looked horrified from one to the other and Bucky got up, brushing imaginary dust out of his things, looking at Steve saying: "Sorry, the company is not of my liking this evening.", His eyes were hard and demanding. Steve caught his breath. Bucky turned on the heel and went straight out. Jake, kept in check by the employees, angrily called after him: “You miserable, arrogant cocksucker! I hope you're getting AIDS! ”

When Bucky almost was at his Pick-Up, Steve caught up with him. "Bucky! What happened when I was gone. _What?_ " Bucky whirled around, wild fire in his eyes with square shoulders. "Steve! Haven't you heard enough? How can you endure these people, how?” Bucky called desperately. Steve froze. "Yes, you're screwing the doll, have fun, but you could do so much better ..." Bucky hesitated, gasping for breath. He was so angry. "Seriously, Steve, I'm so disappointed in you. Is stupidity contagious? What happens if you're sticking your dick in stupid shit?” Steve regained his composure and his pride hit him like truck.

"How dare you! Letting yourself be fucked by a violent asshole for months and now telling me... ”, he paused, because Bucky had turned white as if he had been hit by an unexpected blow, his eyes were wide and his mouth wasin an stunned 'O'-shape.

“Bucky ... oh no, I... I'm ... I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have ... ”, he stammered himself stuttering. Bucky interrupted him: "You're just such a huge asshole, Steve ..." he hissed hoarsely. "Go back to the people so suitable to you lately." With that he got behind the wheel of his car starting the engine aggressively, so it was really loud. Steve was standing next to it unable to act, believing his heart would burst in his chest. Then Bucky drove away without looking back.

"Steve?" Melissa called from behind him. He almost had to choke from sudden aversion. "What have you said to him, _WHAT_?" He shouted at her. Melissa was immediately outraged. “I just asked him something about his work and then he was making one of his typical nasty sneers at Jake. What a drama queen. So _gay_.” Steve clenched his fists. He would never hit a girl, but he just wanted so badly to be able to do it right now. It was frightening him.

"Steve, hey ... that's just gone stupid. He's gettin back on tracks and he and Jake can talk about it. Jake's just a little afraid of the gays because you can’t say anything about them anymore. But Bucky really was insulting him and...“ „You're lying!” "Listen!" They were getting a lot of attention in the parking lot, Steve didn't care. "Bucky surely has only reacted to your brother's nasty gay bashing." "What problem are you actually having?" She cried angrily. “If you're scared, he could think I don't like him we can do a threesome. I actually think he's rather cute and then he knows I'm having no prejudice.“

Steve was speechless. And disgusted. Mostly disgusted. Then he took a deep breath. "Get out of my sight," he said coldly. "I never want to see you in my whole life again." "What? You don't have to do anything with him! I don't think you are one of those, really, I'm not! Come on, don't be mad.” Steve turned wordlessly and went to his car. " _Steve!_ " The girl shrilled after him. He got in, buckled up and started the engine. "STEVE!" Then he drove off, also without looking back. To Bucky's house. Of course he wasn't there. Steve sent one last unmistakable message to Melissa and Jake ordering they had to keep away from him and everyone around him from now on, blocking them after deleting their contacts.

Bucky had gone to the Bronx, to the campus of Mercy College, without thinking, knocking on Aaron's apartment door, loudly and aggressively. He opened the door and suddenly found himself pressed against it from inside of the room, Bucky's hands, mouth, literally his whole body against him, on him, over him and after the first round of wild kissing with Bucky's hands in his hair, he let go of Aaron briefly, looking him hard and wildly in the eyes bursting out:

“We're having sex now. All night until you're seeing the stars without looking out the window. ” The student shook his head briefly as if he had water in his ear while showering, putting both hands on Bucky's chest and pushing him away vigorously. "I do not think so. You'd better have called first. ”

Bucky stopped, widening his eyes, looking around frantically. No, Aaron was alone in the apartment. He looked at him again, bared his teeth. "Come _on,_ if you have to be studying, procastinate!", He was about to devour the smaller one again. "Take your hands off me," Aaron said coldly, pushing Bucky away. He blinked in confusion. He was only now realizing that the man hadn't hardened a bit, his expression was at best neutral, if not disapproving, and his shoulders were set. Bucky's arms dropped weakly and he took a step back.

“I'm worth more than being a frustration fuck. Sorry.” Aaron said sounding a little friendlier now. "What?" Bucky whispered. And since his facial features no longer had any of the aggressive 'I'm-taking-what-I want' and his body language was only expressing uncertainty, Aaron put his hand on his cheek. "Hey, what's happened?" He asked quietly, now very friendly.

"I don't know what you mean ... I wanted to see you ... again ... I was so happy to meet you on Pride Day and ... and I've been in the area and I've thought you were happy too ... ”, he stammered. "Isn't working, sweetie." the older man was smiling at him. "Don't you want it?" Bucky asked quietly and vulnerably. And that finally made up for the inappropriate take the younger one had pulled off. "Oh, Bucky ..." Aaron sighed, "Come here." He led him to the bed and pushed him to the edge.

"I'm making you some tea." “I don't want some tea! I'd better go ...” Bucky's protest died off at the student's stern gaze. Aaron was busy in the pantry kitchen, then bringing Bucky a large cup of green tea, sitting down next to him, warning sweetly, "Careful, it's hot." "What have you been meaning by 'frustration fuck'?" Bucky was looking at him sideways under lowered eyelashes. "Well, come on, that's explaining itself." "But how have you been aware ..." Bucky fell silent. The other man took a deep breath and answered quietly and in a calm voice:

“I was also happy to see you again on Pride Day. You are cute and nice and fantastic in bed. Last weekend you've looked happy. And I've seen the glances you were giving your best friend – slash - supporter. It seemed to be going well for you a week ago and now things are not going well and you are frustrated. I just don't want to be reparation for that, sorry.” Bucky sniffed, sipping on his tea. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Don't worry, no hard feelings."

"It's been going really well!" Bucky suddenly called out passionately, Aaron made a small jump. "I know Steve's wanted to kiss me more than once, I'm knowing that!" "Then why haven't you just kissed him?" Bucky slumped, sipping his tea again, grimacing. Aaron gently took the cup from his hands and placed it on the floor. "Okay, you don't want tea," he said, grinning. "I _hate_ green tea ..." Bucky laughed weakly. "What's happened?"

The dam broke and Bucky talked and talked and told the older man the whole story and finally about Melissa and her brother and how terrible that all was for him. He was getting a bit hoarse and sometimes he was crying a bit gesticulating wildly, running back and forth and Aaron didn't say much, he was listening, giving a few encouraging phrases like "Let it all out." and in the end Bucky dropped to the bed exhausted, closing his eyes tormented. Aaron gently stroked the tangled hair from his forehead, looking down at him. Bucky opened one eye.

"Go talk to Steve." "No. I cannot. I'm definitely wrong, Steve's feeling _nothing_ for me. Tonight, it's been so humiliating, as if he's wanted to know what I've done to his slut and her dumbass brother. 'What's happened when I was gone?' As if I've deserved him setting those homophobic assholes free on me.”, Bucky clenched his fists on his sides, tears suddenly burning in his eyes again.

"I've seen Steve looking at you, too," Aaron said gently, stroking Bucky's arm soothingly. His eyes shot up to him. “I've noticed too! There _is_ something, I can feel it! But Melissa ... I can't take it!“ he cried out in frustration. "Maybe his desire for women is just bigger or he's too scared or he's just curious about how it's like with a man." Bucky considered for a moment. "Yes, maybe he's just gotten curious ..." "And is that good or bad?" "What do you mean?"

"Well, if Steve wants you because he's curious about trying it out, but then is falling in love with a girl again, or is about to get married and have children, how's about that?" "Oh my god ..." Bucky said, shaking his head violently. “If I could choose between Steve's love or sex with Steve, I would choose his love! Without hesitation.” "Poor baby," Aaron whispered, hugging him. "You're really in your own personal hell right now." Bucky sobbed dryly.

“He's having regular sex for the first time and I'm right in front of his nose. Maybe he's thinking experimenting is obligatory. He's looking at me again and again as if he's about to kiss me, is touching me more often than ever, suddenly complimenting me about my appearance ... maybe he wants to fool around with me a bit. But he definitely wants a woman for life. A house in the suburbs, half a dozen children and a white garden fence ... Oh my god! ”

"You do not know that. Talk to him, tell him. Tell him how you're feeling. And if you only do so so he can better respect your feelings in the future.” Bucky shook his head wildly: “I can't! If I'm losing him as a friend, I am ... then ... then I have no one left ...” Aaron pulled him closer, trying to comfort him. Then he talked softly in his hair:

“Bucky ... you are a gorgeous man, sexy and smart. Don't you want to try to get to know someone else? Maybe you're just _too_ used to be in love with your first love ...” Bucky was clawing all of his ten fingers into Aaron's shirt chest. "I can't love anyone like him, _I can't_!" "Maybe you better try anyway," the student replied dryly. "I mean, how long are you going to wait for him?"

Bucky swallowed, buried his face in Aaron's crook of the neck, then whispered, "Can we start over?" "What now? I just can't follow you.” “I can't talk about Steve anymore. I ... want ... I want...tell me: can I have sex with you now? All night until you're seeing the stars without looking out the window. That's what I've meant by 'start over'. ”

"Bucky ... you're not doing that now because I've told you to take a look around, right? With me you're knowing exactly what's going on, don't forget that.“ Bucky sighed: “I've after all come here for sex. I've appreciated you giving me a little friendship, but I really know what this is all about. The latest one had fallen in love with me and it's gotten a little ugly at the end. You loving someone else and the fact this is not gonna happen is one of the really good things about sex with you and I can also remember other really good things about sex with you. So: can we have sex now? All night until you're seeing stars? ”

“Yes, I think we can do that now. Because now it's finally about you again and also about me and no longer about your frustration. ”

He kissed Bucky tenderly and he was returning the kiss. Tenderness soon became passion, then lust. The sex was fantastic. Aaron loved Rachel and Bucky loved Steve and there was no tension at all between them ... Bucky was staying all weekend. The very few occasions they were needing clothes, Aaron borrowed him a t-shirt and shorts. The clothes Bucky had come in, Aaron went cleaning them in the campus' laundromat, when he was asleep.

He wasn't checking on his phone a single time. Steve almost went mad with worry. When Bucky came home around six on Monday morning to prepare for the working week, he first made himself some coffee. Then he was taking a look into his phone. It was full of messages from Steve. WhatsApp, voice message, sms, email. He was scrolling through his social media accounts and occasionally finding requests from Sam, T'Challa, Sharon, Dennis frome Drama class, one from Thor and one from Shuri. That one he opened first.

“ _Everyone is searching for you. As if you were an escaped budgie. Am I about to find pictures of you on lampposts or on milk bottles soon? The dairy industry would experience a new boom! All of America's housewives would want your picture in their fridge! I know you can take care of yourself ...wait,_ can _you? Anyway Steve's driving everyone crazy. What has he done this time? Not been thinking again? : - /_ ” Bucky smiled. He sent back. “ _I had someone else 'take care of me' the whole weekend. ;) This time the problem is Steve IS thinking - with his dick. ;)_ ”

Sam texted: “ _Steve wants me to text you, so I am. I'm not going to tell an 18-year-old, he should be calling his friend. Oh wait, now I've done. Steve is annoying! ” "You like it when he's annoying,_ " was Bucky's answer.

Sharon's message was kindly concerned: “ _Steve is worried about you. He says it would be unusual for you to disappear like that. Is everything ok? Are you all right? Just give him a short update so he's knowing you're still alive._ ” Bucky replied, “ _Thank you for your concern. Please tell him I'm still alive._ ”

T'Challa sent: “ _Bucky, sorry to interfere like that. Steve's asked me to help finding out if something happened to you. He's very worried . Now I'm worried too. Is everything ok?" “Yes, Your Highness. Alive and always at your service. ;)_ ”

Thor: “ _Bucky !!! Steve's saying you've disappeared !!! Of course, if you've really disappeared, you cannot read or answer a message at all ... So I hope you haven't disappeared or if you have, it has to do with something cool. As if you were a spy or a superhero. Have you really disappeared??? Oh crap, then you can't answer at all. Haven't you disappeared?_ ” Bucky laughed out loud, the kid was awesome! He simply wrote: “ _YES !!!_ ” grinning to himself. Thor's answer came around noon. " _COOL!!! Or not? What now???_ "

Dennis texted: “ _Where has the captain gotten my number from? Wants to know where you are. Me and everyone who's knowing you is certainly aware you're not in shirt and pants! :p“ „Then tell him where I'm possibly not! :p_ ” Dennis' answer came promptly, he did a volunteer job as a night watchman in the homeless shelter. “ _I have long since! :D :D :D_ ”, Bucky chuckled.

He left Steve's messages untouched. He would take the afternoon off, he would calmly deal with them then...


	46. On Memory lane to Summer Camp

**On Memory lane to Summer Camp**

\--- Steve's tantrum in chronological order ---

Friday evening

" _Bucky! It's unforgivable what I've said to you. I am really sorry and I wish I could take it back. If I can call you, please let me know. I want to apologize._ ”

" _OK. I guess I can't call you. Then just like this: Sounding lame, I admit that, but it's slipped out. Maybe because you've been so awefully right about me being a big dumbass and I've really thought there's a similarity. People are often blind and stupid to their sexual partners. And I've just thought, I have hoped you'd have more understanding for me because you're sharing that experience. My choice of words was inappropriate though. But yours, too._ ”

" _Oh my God! That hasn't meant to come out so reproachful! I think I've just wanted you to get me a little bit. You're always getting me ..._ "

“ _This is not meant as an accusation, sorry. Of course, you're not supposed to always tolerate my bullshit just because you're understanding me. Yes, it's out now. My bullshit. That’s really just like that. Bullshit. I am sorry._ "

Steve actually only ever was reading what he'd texted after pressing the send button, Bucky smiled to himself.

“ _By the way, I'm standing in front of your house. The neighbor's curtain's going to the side every other minute. I'm 'one of those' again. :D_ ”

" _Oh God! Not that I'd care! I don't care what your neighbors are thinking and that's not something bad at all, of course!_ ”

“ _Really, Buck. You're believing me, aren't you?_ ”

“ _Time hack_ _: 23.13pm. I've texted my parents I'm at yours. Now I'm allowed to be out up to one-hundred. Isn't a lie, I'm no longer in my car on the street, but on your house threshold and it belongs to your house. Practically, so to speak, right? What's your watch saying?_ ”

“ _Bucky. That's ridiculous. Aren't you reading all of this or don't you want to answer? At least tell me that!_ ”

" _Of course I don't have to expect an answer if you're not reading all of this at all...:/_ ", Bucky had to laugh about Steve being like Thor just now.

The next one was a voice message: "Bucky ...", Steve was sounding tired and sad. “I'm back in the car, your neighbor's threatened me with his dog. I have to go straight away to be home in time. If you ... ", he cleared his throat," ... don't want to talk to me ... then please let me know. Then ...” Steve paused. "Just let me know." That came out even sadder and even more tired. Bucky put down his phone, dropping his forehead into his hand. It was tugging at him ... Steve was. He was so miserable. Minutes later, his curiosity won over.

Saturday

" _You're serious, aren't you?_ "

“ _I got it. You are really mad. And rightly so.”_

" _You are a stubborn jerk!_ "

“ _Okaaayyy. No punK-line. You ARE mad._ " (The punK-line was the inevitable answer to every 'jerk!' from Steve.)

" _Are you?_ "

" _I mean, obviously you are. But is it mad-mad?_ ”

Bucky had long started smiling broadly. Steve's attempts to get his attention were so stupidly cute! His expression while reading got very soft, even tender …

" _OK. I'm trying something else. Exaudi! And immediately! Caesar's spoken. You just have to react to my ordering emperor's manners, and in Latin at that!_ “ ”, Bucky googled the Latin term (Answer!).

" _But you are the small Gallic village that defies the occupier, I've forgotten._ "

" _(Impersonal AOL female voice): You've got mail._ "

" _That means I've sent you an email._ "

Bucky hesitated. An email. Probably something longer. He considered, knocking his thumb nail against his teeth. A sound making Steve getting a stomachache. It was annoying him enormously every time! Bucky checked his mailbox almost automatically. Nothing. He frowned. Then an idea'd come to him. He called up the first email address he'd ever had, the awkward one everyone had, the first one you're creating when you are aged ten and on which you'd invested so much thought into to come up with something really cool. The email address that was terribly embarrassing years later.

The address Bucky had given Steve with their goodbyes at summer camp was: _Barnesbossa10301@googlemail.com_. Ten-year-old James Barnes had been a huge 'Pirates of the Caribbean' fanatic and had merged Barnes with Barbossa. His birthday date _was_ iconic, he still thought so even today: 10.3.01. Steve's was even worse: _stevenstarKwarsfan@home.SI_. And he had a new message from him. Saturday, 16.32pm. What meaning was behind Steve using this ancient contact information? Bucky's finger paused over the open button, hesitating. Then he gave himself a jerk.

“ _Hey Barnesbossa, stevenstarKwarsfan here. How is your summer? I'm really bored right now. When we 've been seeing each other every day, that was great! You've always had good ideas and even though you are a jerk, sometimes they've even worked out. But coloring the mashed potatoes blue was uncool. Even I didn't want to eat that anymore and I was really hungry! Oh, by the way: you've cheated, I've been faster in the carrying-water-game. You've secretly used both hands to balance the spoon, although the rule's only allowing one! You owe me something. And what I've always wanted to tell: I've always known that your 'school project' was a diary ..._ ”

Bucky dropped the phone into his lap. His thoughts went back to the distant summer camp 2012 …

("Give that back immediately!" James shouted angrily in the group tent. Robbie, a 14-year-old cocky jock, had pulled the little red leather-bound booklet away from under Bucky's nose after lunch while they were supposed to spend some quiet time and was now holding it high in the air tiumphantly, just out of reach of the younger one. James' face was a bright purple colour, the brunette hair, which was a tad too long for a boy, falling into his eyes, and he was shaking it from his face in annoyance. Steve, who had been reading some yards away, frowned at the action and immediately got up

“Jamesie's writing in his _diary_. Fancy me to read out loud from it?” Robbie called to the group. Laughter and hurray calls were the answer. "A _diary_ , who's even got something like that these days?" James made an angry noise, then shouted, "This is for school! I have to write another stupid essay about my vacations. I'm just taking notes. Give it to me! I need it!" Steve was now in the small group that had formed around them.

"Give it back," he said firmly. Everyone was staring at the small, scrawny blond boy who was reading most of the time, but had already had a brawl side-by-side with James on their first day, the day before yesterday, against two other boys over some frog. "Why's that your business, you poser?" “James has told you it's for school and he's needing it. Give it back!” Robbie was lowering the book, concentrating on the pipsqueak facing him with set jaws. James immediately took the chance and snatched the notebook from him. The relief in his delicate features when he was pressing it securely to his chest was obvious. Steve risked a glance and noticed a sheet of paper halfway out of the book. He recognized the drawing of an X-wing fighter he had given James the day before.

“We are supposed to be quiet now, Robbie. I'm reading. So just be quiet.” Robbie puffed up angrily, but before anything happened, an attendant came in to see if everything was alright. The culprit toddled off away.

"Thank you," James whispered to Steven. "Not for that. I hate bullies" So Steve went back to the beanbag he had been reading on opening his book again. Of course Robbie went for the cheeky monkey later, but this time James came to help out the skinny boy and Steve was not beaten up. Instead, the two boys were battling some grim rounds of UNO thereafter. Steve kept winning, but James didn't mind. There was such a strange but wonderful feeling in his stomach that had not gone away since the 'rescue operation' of his diary - because that was what the small book actually _had_ been …)

(today)

Bucky had to wipe his eyes preventing them from spilling. The strange but wonderful feeling in his stomach, namely his love for Steve had never left, to this day ... He continued reading:

“ _... I haven't drawn an X-Wing fighter in ages, but today I have some time on my hands, I think I'm trying again. If you want me to, I'm showing it to you and if you like it I give it to you. You certainly have thrown out the old one.” (Far from it, Bucky still had it.) “I hope your essay on the holidays is going to be good! Only three weeks left before school's starting again. Are you looking forward to it? I still don't know if I'm happy. I hope there's someone with whom I can hang out and whom I'm getting on well with. Write me back if you like! Tell me how your books have ended up. The ones with that bow and arrow girl. Has she won the tournament? Bye for now!_ "

Which lines were the ten-year-old speaking and which of them had come from the 17-year-old, Bucky wondered. It was definitely the 17-year-old who worrying about the new school year …

The next message was back on Whats app:

“ _Time hack_ _: Sat 17.47pm. About to be watching a Disney movie with Pete right now, I'm even allowed to choose. I'm still undecided though. 'Aristocats' or 'The Rescuers down Under'? Peter definitely would want the cats, then Friday's having to watch too. So better going for the mice, Friday's having to watch that too and certainly getting an appetite. Then she's maybe too busy to remember about sinking her claws into my thighs.”_

“ _You don't even let yourself be softened enough with two of your greatest weaknesses to answer me. Cats and Disney. I'm having a REAL problem._ ”

“ _Peter liked Aristocats! He's now raving about Thomas O'Malley and wants Friday to get married to him instead of Duchesse. Mom's freaking out when Friday's bringing in a husband and a dozen of kittens! But that would get your stubborn ass here in an instant, am I right?_ ”

“ _I still have to learn how those Hunger Games've ended. I hope I don't have to watch parts III and IV without you?_ ” Bucky shook his head in amusement. They had seen all four movies together. Steve pulled out all the stops to get a reaction out of him. That was cute. But what Steve maybe was up to with being 'cute' scared Bucky a little. It would break his heart if Steve'd just fool around with him, experimenting, ticking him off after as 'nothing for me'.

" _I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow is the 'Lord's day', maybe you can show some mercy and finally stop ignoring me..._ ”

" _Would be very welcome._ "

Sunday

“ _You may have received a lot of messages from our friends. It may be that I've been a little overconcerned texting everyone if anyone'd know what you were doing, where you'd possibly could be ... Dennis was pretty straight forward, but only told me where you probably are NOT. Hm..."_

" _Maybe he was talking of you taking a shower, you do that without a shirt and pants, usually._ "

“ _Okay, enough is_ _enough. You know, if you really are somewhere without a shirt and pants and therefore not answering ... I'd prefer that a thousand times over you just not willing to talk to me because I've been a huge asshole. Honestly. I'm leaving you alone now and going to find out how things are when you are ready._ ”

Bucky dropped the phone, wiping his eyes again, because he felt like shit himself now. Steve had had a really horrible weekend, full of guilt and so worried and despite everything, he hadn't blamed him a tiny bit. He was already texting, automatically so …

“ _I am at home, in shirt and pants. Come over you punk, we're talking and then we're watching Mockingbird I and II._ ”

Steve was at his door in record time. He had a take-away bag with Indian food and a sixpack of coke with him and was smiling at Bucky so crookedly and apologetically and so sweetly making the butterflies in Bucky's stomach rampage wildly. "Come in." In Bucky's room they were a little embarrassed and Bucky gave a jerk starting to talk:

“First of all, read your messages through before sending. Secondly, you're having the same tendencies as Thor, speaking first, thinking after. Really cute. Thirdly, my neighbor's dog is a lazy old pomeranian. Fourthly: You're gonna have someone to be hanging out with: Me. Fithly, Thomas O'Malley _is_ the coolest cat in the world! Sixthly: Have you really drawn an X-Wing fighter? "

"Of course, I've had a lot of time." Steve took a folded sheet of paper from his pocket and gave it to Bucky. "If you like it, have it." The drawing was good. Detailed and looking like Steve had been working on it for a long time. "I'm having it," Bucky said curtly, placing it on his desk. There was another embarrassing pause, then both were speaking at the same time.

"Bucky, I'm feeling terrible." "Stevie, I'm sorry." "You first!" "No, you!" And there was another pause. "How about flipping a coin?" Bucky joked. "I've broken up with Melissa," Steve blurted out. Bucky froze, then: "But Steve ... You wouldn't have to..." "Yes! You've been absolutely right! She's horrible! Well, maybe not that much, in comparison to her brother who's surely even worse, but still." "Steve ... "

"You know what she's told me to do? She's wanted me to ask you for a ... “, Steve stopped in shock turning red in the face. He really often was speaking faster than thinking. _Damn._ Bucky looked at him carefully. He could well imagine what this bitch had suggested, but he was still undecided whether he really wanted Steve talking about it and to experience what he was feeling and expressing doing so and then Steve would be expecting from him to have an opinion on it!

"It doesn't matter," he gave himself a jerk. "You don't have to worry about what she wants or not when you are no longer a couple." Steve breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm really sorry I've allowed those people to hurt you like that, Bucky. I want to apologize for not having figured what I've let into my life, headless from sex. But even worse is what I have said to you to defend myself and my stupid pride. The cheap allusion to your bad experience has been my personal lower-than-low. I'm never forgiving myself, but if you are at some point, that's enough for me."

Bucky was speechless. "Do you think you can sometime?" Steve asked anxiously. "Already done ..." Bucky breathed and cleared his throat quickly. "I mean, you've been right somehow and..." "Where have you been all the time now?" Steve overplayed the situation. Bucky was relieved by the casual tone, smirking:

"Not in shirt and pants, at least most of the time." "That's my boy. Any details?" "You've met him. The veterinarian-to-be from Pride Day.“ „Who's engaged. To a woman.“ „Steve..." Bucky said warningly, "don't make this a thing now. I don't know the girl and it's not my job to fix their relationship dynamics.“ „You're right, sorry,” Steve answered a little stiffly. Bucky decided not to comment further changing the supject: "So: Mockingbird I and II. Let's go, no arguments." Steve groaned. "Yes, yes, I've promised."

He was relieved that the ticklish topics were off the table. But Bucky having spent the whole weekend with this vet student... and wasn't responding to his messages once ... and had been largely without his clothes all the time ... while he had been doing nothing all the time than thinking of him ... There suddenly was a burning pang of jealousy, hitting him like a truck. Jealous as in being in love. Being attracted to him. And watching gay porn, thinking about him, wanking like a 13-year-old. _I'm done_! Steve thought. _I've fallen madly in love with Bucky! What now?_

Two weeks later, in which the two of them hadn't seen much of each other, Bucky's boss, Mrs. Carpenter, asked during supervision interview: "Are you interested in a career at social work, Bucky?" Everyone in the camp called him 'Bucky' meanwhile, from Mrs Carpenter down to the caretaker ... "No, ma'am, I want to be an engineer." "Then why don't you get involved in a technical charitable project like the recycling center, for example?“

"I ... to be honest, I've felt I have to give something back to ... make up for certain misconduct," he replied honestly. “Your motivation is extremely high and your commitment is unprecedented. You sure are putting enormous strain on these misconduct.“ „Ma'am ..“ „Norma, please. Everyone's calling me by my first name, please.“ „I am here for personal reasons, which of course does not prevent me from doing my best.“ „And you are, in an outstanding way!", His boss called out enthusiastically.

"If I'm giving you a certificate about your achievements and your outstanding way with special needs people, you can expect a scholarship in New York for any social degree, with your academic performance in a prestigious school like Sanctuary High." Bucky had sent his grade sheets with his application. He hesitated. A scholarship in New York! To be with Steve, to go to college in New York, to be with Steve!

"It's up to you, Bucky. You really should rethink your attachment to engineering. Sometimes you make decisions at a young age, developping dreams no longer suiting you as you're getting older. I wanted to be an archaeologist myself when I was 16, because of Indiana Jones!“, She laughed. Bucky also laughed: "Realatable, for Indiana Jones I would jump into a snake pit! Sorry, ma'am, uh, Norma.“ „We have something in common there,” his boss outplayed his embarrassment. "Think about it, Bucky. You would be an excellent social worker. ”

Bucky spontaneously canceled his motorbike messenger shift in the afternoon texting Steve:

" _You available? I need to talk to someone._ ” Steve, who had been from euphoric hyper ( _at least Bucky is gay – there's a chance!_ ) to hopelessly depressed ( _He's never hit on me. - Oh God, I'm not his type, only Steve, just his childhood friend!_ ) texted back immediately, not troubled from non-spontaneity:

" _I'm always available for you! Come here, I'm home._ ” _Shit_. Mr. Stark hadn't lifted the house ban yet ... " _Not enough fuel, I'm afraid. You know, I have to save up for our brave veterans,_ " he then sent. Steve, furious at this outrageous injustice from Bucky's father again, replied, “ _I'm coming to you. Is he there?_ “ „ _No. He's never there._ ” That wasn't true, 'never' was an exaggeration, but he really was only seeing his father rarely enough. " _25 minutes._ "

"What's going on?" Steve got straight to the point, as it was his way. "My supervisor is thinking I'm a born social worker." Steve was startled. "And?" he asked then. "She says I could get a social working scholarship in New York." "Yeah, Bucky! Of course you could!” Steve called. "Because I am a man attending a good school and they are desperately looking for male social workers?" Bucky asked ironically. Steve frowned.

"No. Because you ... ", he straightened: "Because you know what it's like to be different. You are harassed, disadvantaged and marginalized. Like all the minorities in need of good social workers.” Bucky was staring at him. "I'm serious, Buck!" Steve called passionately. "Can you imagine yourself doing that?" "Steve!" Bucky gasped, "you know I want to be an engineer. Know I want to set up a repair shop. You know I want to fix things!“ „You could fix people as a social worker!"

For Bucky that was like a stab with a knife. Steve didn't seem to know how much his dream was meaning to him. He took a deep breath. "I'm doing the voluntary job because I ..." (wanted to save you the disappointment from your parents) "because I hope to get enough achievements for an engineering scholarship." "But not in New York..." Steve said toneless. Bucky wasn't looking at him: "No, probably not ..." he replied quietly. Steve just nodded. "What happened to your vacation plans?" Bucky had wanted to go to the Gulf of Mexico for a week at the end of the vacation, Steve had been determined to go with him but hadn't said anything yet. Bucky snorted:

“They've ended up in the veteran's home bank account. I've got $ 178 left. And my volunteer work in the camp's ending only on the 29th. Four days later school's starting again. Senior high, gosh..." “Yes, isn't it crazy? Our last high school year ... let's go somewhere that weekend. We could do some camping! That's the one thing you can do with only $ 178.” Steve suggested.

Bucky was chewing on his lower lip. _Camping_ ... nothing could be more intimate. But against better knowledge, he couldn't resist. "Okay, why not?" He replied calmly. Steve was beaming. "I'm looking something up! Our tents are all survival tested!” Bucky laughed at that. He'd heard of Thor's survival week, of course. "Survival test on your family's luxurious property, so impressive." "It's gonna be enough for a weekend at Swinging Bridge Reservoir.", Steve gave back dryly. Bucky's features were lighting up a with a wide smile. It was fantastic around Swinging Bridge Reservoir! "Best idea ever!"


	47. Camping Trip

**Camping Trip**

Steve picked up Bucky on the last day of the camp with a fat donation check from his father in his pocket. They would leave Steve's car in town taking Bucky's Pick-Up. Bucky already had fishing gear and a practical double camping stove along with camping cookware and tableware from the army on the loading area when reloading the tent, the air mattresses and sleeping bags, as well as various other camping items Steve had brought. The trip would take a good two hours, so they would arrive at the lake around half past four. Steve got in touch with a landowner there, who allowed them to be camping there for a small fee. The owner had a small boat dock, a rowboat they were allowed to use, and a fountain with drinking water. Steve had sun showers and you could also wash very well in the lake. He had biodegradable soap with him. Back to nature!

They'd stocked up on the way with chocolate and protein bars, crackers, bread, a few soup and tuna cans if they weren't lucky with fishing ... Some beer from Bucky's secret stash was also in his bags. The road trip was enjoyable as always. With no one else their age they could shamelessly turn up and singing to a Disney's songs playlist. When they got to the lake, they set up the tent, which meant Steve set up the tent, while Bucky was reading the instructions a little perplexed. The Starks' tents were all made of the most modern materials, but old-school in terms of construction.

When they were standing in front of their weekend home some 45 minutes later, Bucky felt a little queasy. The tent was over two meters long but narrower than his 1.40m bed at home. He laughed a little nervously. "With you in there it's already closed with overcrowding. Where am I sleeping?“ „What do you mean? It is a two-person tent! Let's get in!“ „Please, after you ... ", Bucky smirked, "I'm giving you the mattresses and sleeping bags." Steve was crouching in what he now had to admit was a really small tent for tall men like him and Bucky. He swallowed bravely putting the air mattresses and spreading the sleeping bags on them.

"Perfectly good. Come in!", He called a bit defiantly and Bucky crawled in. _Oh well, that's gonna be fun!_... he thought. Neither of them would be able to move without touching the other. This was a mistake. But it was too late. Maybe it was warm and dry enough to sleep outside.

But there was still a lot of time until then. They were walking around the area for a while, filling the drinking water canister and the sun showers at the fountain. The next morning they would go fishing with the rowboat, today they were having soup and onion bread for dinner. When it started to dawn, they dug a pit for a fire and collected dry branches, a large net full of logs were lying in the Pick-Up.

"Make a campfire, I'm making dinner." Steve was drawing a blank when it came to technical matters, but he was good at camping, his father had been camping with the boys many times and insisted on all three of them mastering the basics. After all, he always told them, girls are impressed by nothing more than a man who's a survivor. Now Steve asked himself secretly if he was impressing his gay best friend making their dinner instead of some girl. The camp fire was crackling merrily when the tomato soup and toasted bread with onion butter were done. Bucky had hung two cans of beer in the fountain on a string, they were wonderfully cold now.

It was completely silent except for the sounds of nature, crickets chirping, but only quietly, it was a bit cool now without the sun, birds of prey splashed in the water now and then to catch a fish, a few late birds were singing and from afar they'd heard some tawny owl in the nearby forest. "Wonderful." Steve sighed taking a bite of his bread. "Mm, _also_ wonderful." "Everything's tasting wonderful when you're camping!" Bucky chuckled. "Try some!", Steve contradicted. Bucky tried some of the bread.

"Well, not exactly gourmet, but quite decent." "I think it's perfect." "Hm, you can't go wrong with onion bread." "Tell that a Stark and he's accepting the challenge," Steve laughed. "Steve, ssh!" Bucky hissed, reaching for his hand. They were sitting side by side, the fire between them and the lake. "There!" Bucky whispered and Steve followed his gaze down the bank. Wit the last remaining daylight reflected in the water, you could still see quite well near the lake, behind them it was alread pitch dark.

"Bambi's family's having a drink," Bucky whispered, the pressure of his hand on Steve's increasing. Then he realized what he was doing. Steve's warm fingers had closed around his gently returning the pressure. "Real deer ...", he breathed. "Wapitis, I think." Bucky whispered. "Wow ... it's been quite a long time since I've seen any in the wild." They watched the drinking animals for minutes until they couldn't make them out anymore in the increasing darkness. They looked at each other and let their hands go silently and somewhat embarrassed. Bucky swallowed and Steve cleared his throat.

"I should have packed binoculars." "I've got some in the glove box!" Bucky jumped up pulling the small flashlight out of his pocket while running to the car. "Get them tomorrow! It's already dark anyway!” Steve called after him. Bucky was relieved with the distance after these intimate minutes. _Too romantic, too much of a Disney moment, too much Steve_ ... he thought. _How am I supposed to survive this trip? How?_

Back at the campfire, he put the binoculars next to Steve and sat down a little further away from him than before. "When the deer are coming again tomorrow morning and I have to run to the car, I'm gonna startle them." "Yes, that's right." For the most time the remaining evening, they let the campfire burn down in cozy silence, listening to nature coming to sleep and put the rest of the glimmering logs in the pit out with some sand around 10pm. It was only 12 degrees and the temperature would continue to cool down to 8-9 degrees during the night. Not suitable to sleep outside. Not with the summer sleeping bags Steve had packed.

They took off their shoes, jeans and their sweaters which they had put on in the cool evening air in front of the tent. There was no room for changing in the small tent. Bucky set the alarm to six o'clock and they crawled into their sleeping bags. Steve was lying awake, still enjoying the tingling sensation in the fingertips of the hand Buckys had been holding. And Bucky was lying awake and couldn't decide whether or not he wished for Steve to try seducing him. Either way, he wouldn't be able to resist him. Steve seducing him ... how _absurd_. After all, _he_ was gay and had always been in love with _him_.

"Night, Bucky." Steve breathed softly, Bucky flinched in shock. He hadn't noticed Steve was still awake. "Sleep well, Stevie," he replied softly and a little rough. Then he turned his back on him and forced himself to breathe calmly and evenly. His day had been long and finally he was falling asleep faster than expected. Steve could hear on his breath Bucky had fallen asleep. He gently reached out to touch his hair, only briefly and very lightly. And only so the fingertips of his other hand would tingle as nicely for a while …

The next morning, when Bucky, grunting and cursing, searched for the rampaging alarm clock between their sleeping bags to put it out, Steve wasn't in the tent. He crawled yawning and rubbing his eyes and rather ungracefully outside where blinding sunshine, birdsong and the smell of coffee was awaitening him. He could have done without the bright light, he blinked. The racket the birds were making was loud, but at least better than the alarm clock. Bucky was not a morning person at all ... So the smell of coffee was the only thing he could perceive and not curse at the same time.

"Morning, sleepy head!", Steve's cheer was ... disgusting. Bucky just grunted. His disgustingly chipper friend shoved a mug of coffee into his hands holding out a plate of crackers covered in peanut butter. He shook his head in denial, but was happy about the coffee.

"The deer've come back, look!" Steve called and handed him his cell phone with pictures of the animals drinking from the lake. "Why haven't you woken me up?" Bucky asked a little reproachfully. "Uh ... I have tried. My 'Bucky, wake up, the deer are back!' was answered with a charming 'piss off''. “, Steve laughed in his face. Now Bucky was looking for real for the first time. His cheeks were rosy, his hair damp, he looked fresh and neat like the wonderful morning out here by the lake. He had probably already been jogging and showered with water 13 degrees cold.

"You are completely crazy, do you know that, Steve?" "And you are so crumpy in the morning. Hurry up, let's go fishing. The early bird's catching the worm.” With that he held a cup with freshly dug worms that were wriggling and curling under Bucky's nose.

"Tasty," he said dryly, "and you're wondering that I'd rather be the late bird?" "Now pull yourself together and get dressed. Why not considering a carrer as a night watchman, that would be perfect working hours for you.“ „Or them of a stripper.”, Bucky yawned, putting down the empty cup, pulling his T-shirt over his head and then he went to the bank to wash his face and upper body, he dried up with the shirt, then hung it in a bush. He relieved himself behind the sheet they had hung between two other bushes to divide off a 'toilet' and then shuffled to the tent, putting on jeans, socks, sneakers and a thin sweater. He looked at his phone, furtively opening the front camera flinching. Definitely not a morning person. Well, the fish wouldn't mind …

Meanwhile Steve was packing a thermos with the rest of the coffee, a couple of bars, the disgusting worms, fishing rods and their cap. They went to the boat dock. "Are we taking turns rowing?" Bucky grinned: "You're the fitness freak with the rowing bench in the basement, you're rowing, I'm fishing." "So," Steve laughed, "I'm doing sports and you are on a vacation?" "Fishing is sports!“ „Says who?" "Fishermen!“ „No way, it's not harming you, the work out in fresh air." Bucky pouted a bit, but after ten minutes he took the rowboat paddles, somewhat reluctantly, and did a couple of trial strokes.

"You're not doing it right, so you're getting a neck pain and sore muscles.", Steve stated, got up a little shakily in the swaying little boat climbing behind Bucky, got on his knees, a folded blanket as protection against the hard wood. Bucky on the low rowing seat crunched up his nose over his shoulder: "What's that supposed to be?" "Lecture." Bucky rolled his eyes.

Steve brought his back into the correct, healthy position with firm hands correcting his arm position and then commanded: "Let me see." Bucky took a few strokes and winced when he felt Steve's hands on the back of his neck. "You see, very tense. You're getting neck pain. Relax. ”, He said quietly close to Bucky's ear massaging him gently. Bucky thought he was going to pass out at any moment, he was already half hard, fantastic!

"You don't have to strike fast, just steadily. Long deep calm strokes and relax.“ Oh god, that was almost like sex-talk! Bucky carefully let out slowly and inaudibly excess air forcing himself to relax his neck muscles. If Steve wouln't take his hands away soon, Bucky had a serious problem! Steve on the other hand wished for never having to take his hands away from there again. The soft skin, covered by the fluff of hair similar to that of a ripe peach, which he noticed so consciously for the first time, the smell of sun-warmed skin and sea water, mixed-up with Bucky's own scent familiar to Steve but now suddenly so confusing... Steve got a bit dizzy in his head...

Before he could forget himself and be digging his fingers possessively and unmistakably deeper into Bucky's muscles, he regrettably pulled his hands back. "Better, you're getting at it.", He praised him and Bucky was trying harder than in twelve years of school sports classes. He didn't want to risk Steve touching him again with being so easily aroused on the neck at that! After another ten minutes, Bucky's half-boner was gone to his relief, they decided to set the fishing rods.

They spent two and a half hours dozing on the gently swaying water, talking very little catching five large enough fish in the meanwhile that they let slid alive into the boat's outer net to keep them fresh. They alternately rowed back where they fastened the boat and the net securely to the dock. Then they looked for dry branches again. When camping, you had to cook fish over an open fire. There was a close-meshed grille so the flames could not soot the fish. Bucky'd also found some wild herbs to spice up that looked like ordinary grass to Steve. When the fire was at just the right height, Bucky put on his dad's fishing glove, the barbed one, so you could hold slippery fish, and went to the dock with Steve. They were standing a little perplexed in front of the cheerfully swimming fish in the net.

"How are we about to finish one off?" "Letting suffocate on the ground?" "Cruel.", Bucky searched for a large stone and put it on the bank. Then he reached into the net, got hold of one at the far end, and bravely pulled him into the air. The fish was amazingly strong, wriggling and writhing in fear of death.

Bucky looked at him disgusted and a little green around the gills, pulling himslef together bravely he hurled the fish's head onto the stone. It went limp and Bucky released it with a choked sound. The fish came back to life, dancing wildly on the ground for a few seconds, and since the stone was close to the shore, the happy animal made it back into the water swimming away cheerfully. The two friends stared at him in amazement. "That was ... embarrassing," Bucky stuttered. "Pathetic," Steve giggled. "Do better!" Bucky hissed.

"Then you're taking its guts out!" "Who's doing the cooking doesn't have to clean the fish, fishing rule." "You've just made up that." „Maybe. Or maybe not.“ „Put the stone farther from the shore.“ Bucky did so and got the next fish. This time he hit it to the stone harder and didn't let go either, then he hit again to be safe. He then handed the fish, which was clearly dead, to Steve. "I don't know if I'm able to eat from it later. I'm a monster.“ „That's leaving more for me.” Steve answered rather untouched. "Uh, Bucky, there's this thing. I don't know how to clean a fish from its guts," Steve glanced at him a little contrite but slightly amused.

"Wha-at?" Bucky cried out angrily. "And then you've let me finish off the fish, too? Let me do all the work?” Steve was shaken with suppressed amusement. Bucky was looking so cute in his displeasure. His hair had been in all directions all day long. His eyes were still wide from the terrible experience of murdering a fish and now he pushed out his lips in indignation and had his hands clenched into fists. "I can't believe it, Steven Stark, you've been camping and fishing so often, I don't get it!"

"Yes, but do you think we ever really cooked a fish once? We've caught them with throwing them back into the water right after. Starks and cooking is not worth the effort. We've always lived on sausages, cold beans in tomato sauce, crackers and scrambled eggs when camping. Dad also from coffee.“ „I'm paying you back, my dear." With this not so ominous threat in view of Bucky's fabulous pout, he took the dead fish with a shudder bringing him to the fireplace.

Bucky knew how to do that. His father had taught him these 'manly things' from an early age. But he still thought it was gross. No matter, the poor fish should not have died in vain. He rubbed the prepared fish with salt and pepper, filled it with a mixture of lemon juice and crushed herbs, tied some fishing line to keep it together, and then put the grille on the fire. The fish was quickly cooked and tasted wonderful. Contrary to expectations, Bucky was also able to eat from it. The outdoor activities really were making them hungry. After lunch, they lay down under the bushes for a nap in the shadows. Then they went swimming and hiking. They came back at dawn, warming up soup and lounging at the campfire waiting for 'their' deer. They were talking quietly.

"Are you sad you're not on the Gulf of Mexico and this fabulous legendary beach?" Bucky had told Steve about the gay beach, which was a real legend in the relevant Internet forums, and which he would have liked to visit. "Sad? No. Real deer have something against all the top dogs and struting stags who would be expected there and ... I think it's fantastic here. With you.“ „I'm going to miss you,” Steve said in a very low voice. "When you're going to college somewhere else." „I'm feeling the same way. It's only a year from now, Stevie.“ „Which's was going to pass damn quickly. We have to make the best of it, don't us?“ „Yes, we do.“, Bucky looked away, Steve's eyes were shimmering so atractively in the firelight.

"The deer!" He suddenly breathed. Bucky's head snapped to the herd's drinking spot. His expression was going very soft. And since Steve wasn't looking at the deer, but at Bucky, his heart made a double somersault. _Tell him!_ But Steve couldn't. He couldn't confront Bucky out of the blue with ... his bisexuality. After all this time!

They were silent for minutes, one watching the deer, one looking at the other. "Bucky, why aren't you coming to my home anymore?" Steve finally brought up the question that had been raging in him for some time. His friend froze. "I ... I've just felt like I was getting a pain in your dad's neck. Let me just be staying away for a while, okay?“, He improvised quickly. Steve felt a stab. He had even thought of Bucky trying to get over his ridiculous crush ... On the other hand, it was probably good if Bucky kept himself away from his hopeless crush.

"Okay, Bucky, whatever you want," he replied warmly and firmly. _Oh god if you knew!_ Bucky thought. _If only I could give you whatever you want!_ Steve was thinking at the same time. But none of them said something, unfortunately. Later in the tent, Steve dared to ask shortly before falling asleep: "Have you gotten over that unreachable man lately, at least a bit? I mean, you've dated Sung Yin and been with Aaron ...” Bucky pressed his lips together briefly, sighing then whispered in a desperate tone: "Stevie, that's not how love's working. It's not a medical condition. I guess, this one special thing's supposed to be endless." _Fantastic!_ Steve thought broken-hearted. He took a deep breath. "Well, I'm sorry, good night." "G'night, Stevie."

The next morning they only got up at eight, they didn't have to go fishing. They wanted to go on a long hike, once around the entire lake. After a hearty breakfast with coffee, fish leftovers, warm peanut butter bread, fruit and a can of baked beans (not cold, but heated on the stove, a real revelation for Steve!) they packed water bottles, protein bars, more fruit and crackers in their backpacks and strolled off. They weren't strictly staying on the lakeshore, but exploring the area every now and then, wherever it was looking interesting. Back in the evening, Bucky pushed the glove into Steve's hands with a devilish smirk.

"Go on, big strong man. Get us a fish!” Steve swallowed hard. At the boat he hesitated, slowly putting on the glove. So Bucky's revenge was just around the corner. "I ... can't do that," Steve said quietly, looking pleadingly at Bucky through his long lashes. "But I'm hungry!" "There's a pizza shop, not far from here." „We're camping! I don't believe it! You're totally namby-pamby!” Bucky called out with a laugh.

"You have to do it," Steve gritted. "Oh ... and then?" "Then I'm going to always praise you for your strength, determination and your courage and your manliness, I promise." Steve said faithfully. "That's not working, you sweet-talker. You're then cleaning the fish and taking its guts out.“ Steve went pale, but complied with his fate and under the strict eyes of his best friend, instructed step-by-step, he was preparing the first fish of his life.

"Not bad for the first time," was Bucky's praise for this achievement, and then he was cooked it

having it as deliscious as the first time. The night promised to stay warm and dry, so they pulled their mattresses and sleeping bags outside and were laying down to sleep under the wonderful starry sky. Both just wanted nothing more than to keep staying here forever, just the two of them alone together, but of course neither said anything …

Their last day at the lake dawned and they were stretching their limbs, which had gotten stiff in the chill of the night. "What are we going to do today?" "Day on the water?" "Good idea" They packed all of the remaining food, made coffee and tea, took towels and a few blankets from Bucky's Pick-Up with them, loading the rowboat, swimming trunks already under their jeans. They alternately were rowing themselves to the middle of the lake having breakfast there first.

Frugal and oddly composed of coffee, tea, cold fish, crackers with syrup, protein bars and gummy bears, it was an unusual but strangely satisfying breakfast, perhaps because the scenery and company were enhancing it so enormously. The other two fish, by the way, had been released from the net in the morning and both of them had been relieved and a little happy to see them swimming away alive and well.

"Wow, school will start again tomorrow. The holidays went by in a flash,” said Steve. "Right, with that you can tell you're getting older. Time's flying suddenly.” Bucky replied thoughtfully. Steve laughed: " _You_ are getting older!“ Bucky glared at him briefly, but then grinned: "At least I don't have to lie anymore on porn sites." "Hm, that doesn't bother me very much," Steve replied calmly. But he had turned a little pink. He had seen a lot of sex in the past three weeks. Gay sex, and it was turning him on like no porn ever did before ...

"I'm going for a swim." With that, Bucky took off his shirt and jeans. What a timing, Steve thought, and let his eyes wander, unnoticed by Bucky, over his lean, long-limbed, supple body as he carefully folded his clothes stowing them under the rowboat's bench. Steve had never seen such a body, so beautiful and attractive and perfect in porn. He had to suppress a sigh and was happy when Bucky slid into the water without looking at Steve again.

Steve meanwhile wanted to adjust his extremely uncomfortable boner. In doing so, he was getting aroused so powerful he had to catch a breath. Oh God, _shit_! But Bucky was swimming around far away and Steve's lower body was definitely not visible from the water, hidden by the side wall. He shrugged, digging out a handkerchief, and hastily pulled his jeans and swimming trunks down a bit. It took less than a minute. Catching all treacherous traces in the handkerchief and just as he was coming down slowly, Bucky's voice was suddenly close again:

"Come in! The water's fantastic!” Steve was shocked to the bone, caught in the act, and hastily crumpling up the handkerchief and stuffed it into his jeans pocket. He called: "I'm coming!" He hurriedly pulled up his swimming trunks jeans just the other way from his body. The water would help driving the heat and redness out of his face, neck, and torso. He pulled his shirt over his head and jumped into the water. It really was helping. No way Bucky would suspect anything…

A fierce water battle broke out. They were splashing water in their faces, tried to pull or push each other under water. There was no winner or loser. After a long while full of laughter, screaming and silly remarks, they exhaustedly climbed back into the boat, dried themselves as much as possible, and then put blankets around their chilled bodies.

"So, Stevie ... are you really going to be a teacher now?" Steve shrugged: „It is of course tempting to be a politician. The power, the reputation ... I mean, who's respecting a teacher nowadays?“ Unfortunately, that was true. But still: Bucky smiled at his friend: "His students, who love his lectures, they're doing that." "Hm, that's something, isn't it?" "It's worth a lot more!" Bucky called passionately. "I mean, honestly! What can do more than help to shape young people making the world a little better? They are the future! You'd be a great teacher. With your moral compass and your steadfastness to stand up for what really matters!” Steve was briefly speechless, then laughed softly:

"They are the future? And I thought we were the future, but I probably won't be able to get mature 18-year-olds as young as I am.” Bucky threw an apple at his head, which means he tried, he met Steve on the shoulder. "Stop, you punk, you know what I mean." "Yes," Steve said seriously. "Though you're a jerk," he laughed again. "Yeah, sure!" Bucky growled.

"And you? Still determined of being an Engineer? ”Steve asked, again seriously. "Yes! I really want that and I know I can do it! Fuck maths. ”, Bucky muttered gloomily. "I'm sure you're getting the hang of it," Steve tried to comfort him. "And if not?" Bucky asked anxiously, his eyes suddenly strangely clouded. "Bucky ... I can help you, of course not in maths, but my college fund is, as you can imagine, very extensive. So, I can ... "

"NO!" Bucky called so violently and with so much sharpness that Steve immediately fell silent even becoming a little pale. "No, Steve, I can't accept that. That's ... that would be ... no, I can't ... Please never speak about it again." Bucky sounded a little manic now, like in a fever. Steve, who was extremely proud himself, understood, even though he was a bit amazed at the force of Bucky's rejection. "Oookaayy," he said stretched.

"I'm going to see Mr. Phillips next week for advice." Bucky said now, "I'm not giving up, Steve! Maybe I can go to college in New York! I'm just not giving up. I do everything! I don't want to be anywhere else! ”, ... _somewhere else than you_ … he added in his thoughts. "You can do it. I'm sure of it," Steve replied. Bucky thought _no pressure_ , but said, "Thanks, me too."

The good time they'd been spending together ended suddenly at Steve's VW in town, both of whom were saddened. "I'm seeing you in school tomorrow," Steve said goodbye. "Senior high, how could that happen so quickly?" Bucky replied. "I dont know. It feels like yesterday we've been the little boys in the summer camp and now?“ „I'm so glad to have met you there.“ „Oh, Bucky, me too...“ He gave a jerk, it was time to prepare some stuff for the morning.

"Take care, punk." "Likewise, jerk." Steve texted Bucky much later - he couldn't sleep: "That was the best camping trip ever. You're the best!” Bucky was still not asleep and sent back. "WORD. But wrong, that's you” I'm gonna tell him, he decided. I'm telling him. This week.

And then everything turned out differently...


	48. Senior High - Bucky in Distress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture in the end.

**Senior High – Bucky in Distress**

The final year of Sanctuary High had a sensation on Monday morning spreading like wildfire throughout the school: A real model from Paris should attend Senior High for one year! During lunch break, Bucky, Sam, Sharon, T'Challa, Shuri and Steve met for lunch.

"Has any of you seen the model yet?" Sam asked around. "Nobody has yet seen the model! I'm telling you this is fake news!” Bucky called. "I don't understand all the fuzz. Here in America, almost every girl between 14 and 20 is very pretty. If she really exists, she won't come to school in full model make-up dressed in Chanel, will she?” Shuri stated.

She should be wrong. They were all just getting up when a very pretty black-haired young woman with sophisticated make-up, extravagant clothing and high heels, which would be a challenge even for Pepper Stark, came up to their group stopping right in front of Steve. She was hardly smaller than him. "'ello. Are you Steven Stark? Monsieur Phillips 'as zaid I'm going to be in your next class. My name is Pauline Beauregard.” With that she held out a perfectly manicured hand to Steve.

The boy took it in confusion blinking two or three times before clearing his throat. "I'm pleased to meet you. _Beauregard_ , comment approprié.”, He then answered. Sam and T'Challa were making big eyes. What an appearance. Sharon looked a little ironically from one to the other, was surprised about Bucky's drawn eyebrows throwing a small grin at Shuri's, eyes rolling in her direction. Bucky said aloud:

"Kak zadnitsa na vedre." The French girl froze, looking at him very briefly and very coolly and then at Steve again as if he were the only person in the room. Bucky was startled. _Oh God!_ was she speaking Russian? Pauline went on. "Well, I don't want to be stealing you any time longer from your ... friends," she gave Bucky a very toxic look, "I'm just waiting at zat table zere until ze bell's ringing.” With that she walked gracefully to the table she had pointed to. "Well, now we've seen the model," Shuri said dryly. "Uh-huh," Sam said, watching her until Sharon cleared her throat.

"What have you said to her?" Steve asked Bucky. He blushed to the roots of his hair. "As far as I know 'Welcome to our school', maybe I've mixed up vocabulary saying 'promised land' instead of 'school'", he tried to be funny. Nobody believed him. None of them had understood the muttered words in Russian, of course, but his tone wasn't very welcoming and the girl had clearly been outraged.

"What is your next class, Steve?" "English." At that moment the bell was rining and they parted. Bucky watched Steve picking up Mademoiselle Beauregard and it gave him a sting, the worst he'd ever got. Just right now that he finally wanted to confess his feelings to Steve. Shuri looked at him sympathetically. "And what _have_ you said to her now? I'm not gonna tell anyone,” she grinned to cheer him up. Bucky grinned back wearily, "Like an ass on a bucket." Shuri was raising her eyebrows. "She's gotten you, I'd say." "Fantastic, isn't it?" "No, but not to be changed. I have to go, white wolf.“ „Me too. "

Then Bucky toddled off to Maths class with a heavy heart. As if the day wasn't bad enough! In the double hour everything was all Greek to him again, while Peggy Carter practically was holding the lectures together with Professor Banks. When he was looking for Steve after classes, he spotted him at the end of a hallway. Pauline Beauregard was obviously typing her number into his StarkPhone. Bucky hurried to get home. Message from Steve:

" _Where have you been after school?_ " "Got a headache in Maths." " _Take an aspirin!_ " " _Yes, Mommy._ _How's it been in English?_ “ Bucky stared at his own words. _Oh god, what am I doing here?_ Steve's answer had to be pages long, regarding the time, the app was telling 'writing'. " _Quite well,_ " was the actual message. ... _What the fuck?_ " _Able to having improved your French?_ " The moment he'd sent this he knew he was making a mistake. _"In English? You're a jerk._ “ „ _And you punk can give up showing off your French. She IS French and therefore noticing every mistake._ ” Again Steve took his time, Bucky's palms were getting wet.

“ _In fact, she's thinking my French is very good and was praising it a lot. She hasn't been so fond of your Russian, though._ " _Well, shit!_ She _knew_ what he'd said and told Steve! “ _The drama of my Russian has been going very well with her unsuitable appearance. We are in high school and not on the catwalk._ " _Oh fuck!_ What was he doing there? texting without thinking again, that was actually more of Steve's thing. _I'm just so painfully jealous ..._ he admitted, very baffled.

His phone vibrated, incoming call. _Steve_. He swallowed facing the burden bravely. "What?" "Bucky, what's your problem?" Steve went like a bull at the gate. "There's no problem." "You're never being so rude otherwise. I've apologized about you for what you've said to her.” Bucky immediately was pissed. "What have you told? You've got me from the shelter or what?” He hissed. There was a pause.

"No ..." Steve said slowly. "I've lied to her about you currently experiencing emotional stress because last week you had to put down your dog, which has been your best friend since childhood. By the way, she was full of compassion.“ „A true angel in Prada.“ „Bucky!“ Steve called out a little sharper. "Pauline is very nice and you've seen her for five seconds straight away being an asshole to her. That's not how we're treating foreign guests at our school.“ „Lecture completed?” Bucky shot back aggressively, tears tingling behind his eyelids. "Hey, I haven't meant it all bad," Steve said a little warmer again. "What's up, Bucky? Something's happened?"

The first tear was rolling down his cheek, every cell in his body yearning for Steve ... "I ...", he swallowed hard, hoping he wouldn't hear him being about to cry any moment, "I think I'm not getting my shit together. Not at all. No matter how I'm thinking it over, calculating it through, from now on I have to write straight A's in Maths to get a scholarship.” That was safe terrain, credible and it skillfully distracted Steve from the French girl and Bucky's obvious problem with her.

"Listen, we're gonna find a solution, I'm helping you. We're working out something, we're a good team!“ „Are we, Stevie?“ „The best!“ „So, dead dog then, yes? You be lying like that! Astonishing“ Bucky said now. Steve chukcled softly, the sexy sound sending shivers down Bucky's spine. "You know, I've just thought of you getting all soft and teary about having to kill off some fish. The story's come out very smooth.“ „You punk haven't even dared!" Bucky called. "That's right and I can admit it in a very very relaxed way. You've hated doing that.“ „That's right” Bucky gave in. "We're taking more canned food with us on the next camping trip." "Deal."

After the conversation, Bucky felt better, but not yet really good. He dropped down onto his bed, burying his face in his pillows, thinking of Steve. He was the cutest, best-looking and most awesome boy on the planet, he had been thinking so for so long now! And while be swimming with him in the lake he was able to find out he was damn sexy as that, too, in general, not just for him. Steve's body had gotten a masterpiece! Bucky had somehow missed the fact that he no longer was having this opinion eclusively and he suddenly was longing for the time when Steve was a somewhat scrawny, somewhat a little nerdy 15-year-old boy with a crooked smile being only _his,_ Bucky's ... well in his dreams, of course, but at least only in _his_ dreams. Now he had to cry for real…

The next morning, he learned to know Pauline'd attended Drama and Media as an advanced class. Dennis, Kyle and Billy were entranced and courted the pretty girl when Bucky came into. He swallowed calling courageously:

"Good morning!" The French looked over at him and said: "Zat zing about your dog I'm very sorry." "You've got a dog?" Kyle cried out surprised. "I don't want to talk about it," he said quickly, half panicked. Pauline looked at him sympathetically again talking softly to her 'fans': “'e 'ad to put it to down. Leave 'im zere.” The three of course obeyed her immediately like ... yes, like good dogs. Their teacher came in and welcomed back the class, the French guest of course especially friendly. Then she got to business:

“Junior asked formally and unanimously yesterday afternoon to organize a Halloween party. In addition, the junior students are working out a Christmas play this year and planning through a benefit gala evening in favor of gifted students programs for the underprivileged. So Winterball, Christmas party and ... the musical night are on your schedule this trimester. I am sorry."

"Oh no, we did that last year!" Denise groaned. "That they had to have their first class before us", growled Dennis, "I'd have loved to do Halloween." "Who wouldn't?" Clarice sighed. "Any suggestions for musical night? After all, it's on the schedule already mid-October.”, Interrupted Mrs Jones' the nagging of her students. "Les Misérables?" Pauline was the first to speak. "Too many male roles, we are only four boys," was Bucky's objection. "But phantom of the opera?" Billy asked doubtfully. "We've already been there, too few big roles at all," Lily called.

"What about: Mamma Mia," Bucky suggested into the thoughtful silence. “Four male roles and many larger supports. It's perfect.” After a very short considering, everyone agreed.

They quickly distributed a few roles: Janet, who had the best voice of all, should be Donna and Billy, who was the best singer out of the boys, was her great love Sam. Donna's quirky, funny friends were quickly chosen. "I would like to be Sophie," Pauline said somewhat shyly after the discussion about who should take her was leading to nothing. So far the new girl had held back, didn't want to take the second leading role away from anyone, but actually any of the other girls wanted it. "I've been taking singing lessons since I waz twelve, and I'm sure I can 'andle Sophie. But you can decide zat after me auditioning to you. "

"Then let's hear!" Bucky called out, "maybe your accent isn't that heavy when you're singing." Silence was following that remark. Bucky turned bright red. Pauline's kind gaze from formerly changed back to the cool one of the day before and some of the class were staring at him indignantly, others looked away in embarrassment. Kyle looked like he'd love to punch him! "That ... I'm sorry about it... I have to apologize. I've just thought Sophie shouldn't sound that different from her mother Donna ... ", he was defending himself, stuttering and lame, "I'm sure it's not a problem." Bucky hung his head. _Shit ... what's wrong with me? You know what's going on with you: you're totally jealous ... and pathetic._

Meanwhile Kyle put the sound together, looking for a karaoke clip of a song by Sophie and then the French girl was singing so outstandingly Janet immediately offered her the larger role of Donna. The girl modestly refused. "Zis is not okay. I just got 'ere, zis iz your class.” Bucky almost hated her even more for being so nice and felt like shit again. So Pauline would play Sophie, and Kyle and Dennis were fighting not quite subtly for her fiance's role: Sky. In the end a coin was flipped. Kyle was the lucky winner. Dennis looked at Bucky:

"Do you want Harry or Bill?" "I'm taking the gay one, of course, right?" Pauline Beauregard's eyes flicked to him and she got a thoughtful look. In the model scene she had a lot to do with gay people but wasn't being aware of him being gay, but his strange behavior towards her, hardly ever had a man been so openly hostile to her, and what Steve had told her about his best friend and how close and meaningful their friendship was ... She decided on having an eye on that ... After Drama, everyone except Sam and Sharon went to Science.

Steve had chivalrously reserved a seat for the guest student in the front row and she was obviously delighted about having to sit next to him. Bucky mumbled some nonsense about 'Have to look over maths, Henderson's never realizing!' and climbed the stairs to the last row where he'd been with Steve the weeks before the holidays. From there he'd have an unremarkable view of Steve and the pretty girl. To his astonishment, Peggy Carter sat down with him.

"Have you had a nice summer?" She asked him kindly. Bucky stared stuttering: "Y-yes, and you?" "Daniel and I've volunteered in a retirement home. It's been exhausting but also fulfilling.“ „I've worked at a camp for special needs kids” Bucky replied. Peggy's eyes flashed with interest. "That's fantastic! Have you liked it there?“ „Very much.” But Bucky's gaze shifted back to Steve and his neighbor, who was laughing at something Steve had said. Peggy was watching her classmate's facial expressions and suddenly felt very, very sorry for him.

"Maths yesterday has been really tough, hasn't it?" She asked. Bucky gave a dry laugh. "Nonsense. Not for you. You're doing the whole stuff with your left hand.” Peggy was grinning at him. "Maybe I'm helping you?" Bucky stared at her briefly, then his smile lit up his dark features so honestly Peggy was feeling like a saint. She really felt sorry for Bucky now. She was somehow sure about him having been in love with Steve forever and she also knew what that felt like, him not returning that affection ... "Let's go through the exercise sheets in the library afterwards," she said simply. "Okay. Thanks.” Bucky replied.

Bucky couldn't be enlighted by maths goddess Peggy either, and after an hour he threw up his arms in frustration. "I'm just too stupid! I'm never gonna get that!” He cried out desperately. "You just aren't concentrating enough, fidgeting around constantly, your eyes wandering restlessly. When I'm explaining something to you, you're doodling on your papers. You _can_ do that! If you just focus, I'm sure of it! Don't let yourself be distracted constantly.” Peggy lectured sternly now. Bucky looked at her guiltily. "I ... I'm sorry. I'm trying harder, I promise.” Peggy sighed giving herself a jerk:

"Incidentally, lately I've been sorry about being so nasty to you all the time. And now that I'm finally over Steve, I'm really sorry.” Bucky was staring at her. "I can't follow you, which is no news to you, I guess." "James ... _Bucky_ ," he was raising his eyebrows, was he finally being _'worthy'_? "I was only 15 when I was with Steve. And at 15 you are still pretty stupid and childish and in love with yourself and I was so sad and hurt when Steve, when you came back from Hawaii, was pushing me into the background because of you.“ „He wasn't.", Bucky interrupted her lamely.

For that he got a sharp look. "Okay, sorry, maybe he was, but we've been friends forever and there was so much ... new Star Wars movies and ..." Peggy interrupted him: "You are the most important person in Steve's life. Whatever that means. And I'm envying you. No longer because of Steve ... I've got that behind me. But you have someone who would go through fire for you: Steve.“ „What about Daniel?" Bucky asked. Peggy's eyes were growing tender.

"I firmly believe about us being this person for each other. He's yet for me ... Daniel's suffered a lot and still needs a little time, but he is the one, Bucky!" She exclaimed enthusiastically. Bucky smiled at the warm feeling coming from this passionate declaration of love. "I'm wishing you this from the bottom of my heart, Peggy." "And I'm wishing you what you want," she replied friendly. There was a short break. Then Bucky laughed: "At the moment I'm wishing for getting this crap!" He gestured to the exercise sheets. Peggy laughed too. "Let's try again." But Bucky still wasn't getting the hang of it after another hour.

The next nasty surprise for Bucky's was looming at soccer training two days later. The junior and senior soccer team consisted of only two goalkeepers and 15 field players. The New York High School Soccer Championship season was approaching and their school had reached a miserable 12th last year. The football coach, an Englishman who by nature was taking the matter very seriously, Mr Davies, hadn't been amused... Bucky was the better one of the team's only two trained center-backs and was in the starting line-up for each match.

Mr Davies showed up for the first training session in the new school year, accompanied by Pauline Beauregard, wearing the French World Cup jersey, informing the team she would have practise with them from now on. Sanctuary High had no girls' team. They were running laps, doing some stretching and practiced dribbling for an hour in a small space, taking the ball, shots on goal and 5 versus 2. Then Davies assigned them to the practise match to the end of each session. Bucky had found out the French was good. She was on the other team playing the same position like him.

Once she conquered the ball far in his half of the field, cleverly tunnelled him and finally running towards the goal, Bucky followed her and prevented her chance to score. The girl went to the ground. The coach whistled and Bucky glared at her indignantly: "I've played the ball! I haven't even touched you!" She only smirked and Davies shouted: "Yellow card, Barnes! And free kick team red.“ „That's been a fair tackling! I've played the ball!" And to Pauline: "You queen of dives, tell him! What are you doing at all being a defense here in the penalty area?“ „We're defending very 'igh in Europe.“ „And very unfair! Tell him I ... "

"Barnes, enough now! Yellow-red card and off the field, doing laps.” His teammates were grumbling, now they were one player short with the other team having a free kick. Them were cheering over Pauline scoring it safely. Bucky was running his laps in rage and the match ended 6-2 for team red. Pauline was accepted as a center-back for the soccer team. In the locker room, Scott, the other center-back gloomily glanced at Bucky. "I'm not going to play anymore at all." But Bucky knew Davies wouldn't do that. But himself was no longer automatically in the starting lineup from now on, that was certain. As a farewell, Pauline called out in Bucky's direction: "You're playing well!" He glared at her returning: "And you're playing dirty." Then he went his way.

The whole senior and many juniors and even some of the younger students wanted to make friends with Pauline Beauregard. The boys for obvious reasons, the girls, because you definitely wanted to have a real French model as a friend and all of them because she was charming and interesting. Bucky's Drama class was carried away by her. The rehearsals for Mamma Mia went well and Pauline's Sophie was fantastic. The first afternoon of improv theater took place on Monday the third week of school. Bucky handed out the topics and Janet roughly explained to Pauline what they would do now.

"We've also done zat in France, but it quickly got predictable." "Who are you telling that?" Denise sighed. "Just listen: 'Boy is caught stealing in the drugstore, the cops come, he has to explain why he stole tampons, he admits that he wanted to camouflage the condoms with it.'“ „Dude ...", Dennis groaned. "Are you getting always zings like zat?" "Almost always ..." Billy said with a sideways glance at Bucky. “We've only had one good scene and have been doing that since April.” “We've quickly switched to playback zeater. Does anyone know it?” Perplexed faces, except for Bucky, who had gone into the topic for his presentation for Dr Strange.

"I can not imagine many people are participating. In the end we're getting the tampon/condom scene again,” he told her. He briefly explained the basics of playback theater to the class, where people from the audience were supposed to tell a story from their lives and the actors played it out and implemented the story live on stage.

“Zat was also a problem for us, so we quickly switched to full playback zeater. Zere, an audio drama or audio book scene is played on media and zat is played out, also wiz noizes and music, if you want and ...” “But you can't involve the audience and the basic idea was the creative collaboration between laypersons and the class.“ Bucky's interruption wasn't very kind. A few classmates were frowning. "Do not take it personally. The improv theater is his baby.” Claire whispered to the Frenchwoman, but not very quietly.

"That has nothing to do with it!" Bucky called. "Then let Pauline finish off telling her ideas!", Kyle cut him off adressing Pauline very diligently again: "Have you solved that in France?" Bucky's face was growing dark. Pauline had the impression she _had_ to take that personally, awakening her fighting spirit. Because she didn't understand what the boy was having against her, she'd never done anything to him, what could she do about him being in love with a straight boy? Because Steven Stark was definitely not gay. Then him and his gay best friend would have been a couple for a long time by now!

“Zere are different ways to engage ze audience. You can have zem veto if zey don't like ze interpretation of an act, and zen have to start over. You can have 'stand-ins' from audience for larger settings or, depending on what you need, a juggler or trumpet player or skateboarder.” She was beaming around at the full attention on her and everyone nodded enthusiastically. "Let's do full playback theater!" Kyle called. Bucky's heart sank. His improv theater project had been conquered, as had his football practise. And soon to be Steve ...

First Steve wasn't even aware of the pretty French girl's attention, then he was surprised and finally very flattered. It put him in a whole new light at Sanctuary High. Students were looking at him through different eyes and suddenly Steve found himself in the unusual role of the idolized high schooler. Everyone wanted to be friends with him now. Girls gave him their phone numbers without asking, boys with whom he had never exchanged more than three words were patting him on the shoulder in the hallways. He hadn't even noticed how three weeks went by quickly, in which he had hardly seen his best friend, let alone talked to in earnest ... Pauline was in the starting line-up for the first soccer game of the season and Bucky was on the bench. And they also were scoring a shutout...

Bucky was working like a man possessed to get one over on his father. He would get this scholarship, whatever the cost! He was studying maths each night until his eyes were burning. Peggy Carter often helped him. He never found out about her being very attached to him now, feeling Bucky was now in the same boat like her because of Steve. He went to Stark Industries three afternoons a week and all Saturday, that had to impress some college! He was helping out every other Sunday in soup kitchens to earn points with social engagement.

And he asked for an appointment at Mr Phillips', his senior tutor. He would not go to the army. No way! And he hardly was missing Steve, as he'd often told himself. After all he hadn't the time. That was a big fat lie. He was lying awake for hours each night, replaying moment by moment in his head, moment by moment with Steve from the past few weeks of the holidays, trying to locate the mistake he had made when he was convinced Steve would return his feelings! He wasn't able to locate the mistake and could not have guessed that there was no such mistake... He hadn't been wrong in the slightest..


	49. This School is too Small for both of Us

**This School is too Small for both of Us**

When Steve sent him a short _"Hey, hardly seeing you, whazzup?“_ on Sunday evening, Bucky grew hot and cold with sudden anger. He had written an answer and sent without thinking or reading through his poisonous message again.

" _Where have you suddenly dug up my number on your very busy cell phone? Why at all do you want to know? You've got better things to do. Better things than me anyway, who's struggling here to not have to give up his dream. Actually someone's promised me to find a solution together, so I don't have be crawling in the mud for the next few years to be able to have an education, but ... hm, what do you think what's become of this someone? Someone with a life unlike me._ "

There'd been no answer for a while. When Bucky reread what he had written he straightaway wanted to die ... The phone beeped.

_"Wow. That stings. Someone could have just said something. The bad thing is that someone has a problem I haven't caused, but apparently have to pay for now. I am sorry that you're having so much stress, but I am not the one standing out from you. It's shit to be the goal of your bad mood from that competition. I don't need that, too."_

What the hell? Who was Steve thinking he was? Was he already again fucking a girl who got a license 'cause of that to push him, Bucky, around as she liked? And what did this conceited French girl do to get him on Steve's bad side? What the fuck?

_"Wow, yourself. Don't you have anything better to talk about than my pathetic hurt ego? When have you actually become a blasphemer? Does that the French influence to you? Fuck off, Steven"_

Steve was stunned. _Blasphemer?_ He no longer understood anything. He was spending a lot of time with Pauline Beauregard. She was the daughter of a French diplomat and was very well versed in politics. She was also funny and kind and extremely popular. Bucky, however, seemed to loathe her. Yes, she was a very good soccer player and Bucky had been on the bench for one match - so what! He would definitely play the next one again. She'd also had a good idea for his improv theater. What was so bad about that?

Bucky had been hostile from the first moment and she had once complained to Steve about it. Even though 'complained' was the wrong word. She simply was saddened of that. Steve then had told her so much about Bucky and after that the girl was totally confused. She could not reconcile the grumpy, brooding, unfriendly boy with Steve's tales, him speaking in the highest and warmest terms of a sparkling, humorous, lively and kind-hearted person.

The guy simply was in love with the wrong man. Why else should he be a loner and introvert and being avoiding Steve since he'd made friends with the new girl? And why should she act in noble reserve? She liked Steven Stark. He was good-looking, intelligent and from a respectable family. Typical French understatement, she had to laugh at herself when she thought that. Steve would be a nice school flirt supposed to sweeten her school year in America, and if a gay weirdo had a problem with it, it wasn't hers anyway. Of course, Steve was having no idea about Pauline's plans. She was playing him like an instrument and so the whole of Bucky's mess ended with Steve to be blamed and catching the crossfire...

_Blasphemer!_ Steve's sense of justice roared up in his chest. He couldn't put up with this! Just like he was a bad bully? Oh no, not him. He went straight to Bucky's house without sending another message. When Bucky opened the door, Steve was faced with a rare sight. Not only had Bucky obviously been drinking, Steve knew about the secret beer stash under the loose board in Bucky's room. His last boyfriend, Sung Yin, who was already 21, had given it to him, and it was large - the beer stash.

No, Bucky was also completely carelessly dressed in pajama bottoms and a stained old, formerly white, T-shirt. His hair was a greasy mob and he spotted dark shadows under his eyes. The worst was the expression of rejection and defiance and something else Steve couldn't put into place. "What about 'Fuck off' haven't you gotten?" "I'm getting everything about that expression, but not where it's come from - out of nowhere. Let me in.“ „What if I don't want to?“ „Then I'm making you." Bucky glared at him from under his furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm so scared right now..." he growled, but left the door open as he turned and went back inside. Steve followed him into his room. He noticed three empty beer cans in the wastebasket and another one next to Bucky's laptop, which was showing creepy math formulas on the screen. Plus an unmade bed, plates and cups, dust everywhere, and piles of clothes on the couch and piles of paper on the floor, and, Steve stopped, the Star Wars collector's boxes he'd given Bucky for Christmas. They were the only items in the neglected room dusted and neatly placed on Bucky's bedside table.

"Why have you called me a blasphemer?" "Why are you here?" They spoke at the same time. Then they both took a deep breath. "I'm helping you with the scholarship." "Are you dating Pauline Beauregard?" Again at the same time. Then they looked at each other in silence for a while. "Now you've lost me," Steve finally admitted and Bucky exhaled his breath. "You first," he said. "Always me. So: why have you called me a blasphemer?“ „Because… ”, Bucky spread his arms, dropped to the bed in frustration looking up at Steve.

"Steve ... I'm not just feeling outstripped. Do you think me so superficial? I'm just panicking! I'm not getting anywhere! I'm just not getting maths and I'm constantly exhausted. I have so much to do and can't sleep and my theater project ... Strange told me it could help me with a college application and now it's not my project anymore and well, with soccer I'm not winning any prizes ... But that's my only hobby left, and I'm doing that _at school_ , how pathetic is that! I've always been in the starting line-up! And ... “, Bucky fell silent.

Steve had been sitting cross legged on the floor in front of him, looking up at him so intensely and with interest and involved that it stopped his rush of speech. "Steve, I'm ... chattering." "Go on with chattering." "It's not my hurt vanity, I've got such childish manners left behind me. I don't have to call the tune. I just want to be able to go to college without having to go to the army and I want to be with... " Bucky paused in the middle of the sentence with his mouth open and pale. "Are you dating Pauline?" He asked suddenly for the second time. Steve blinked. "No, have you thought so?" "You could be, you know that, right?" "What? Dating her...? No ...” Bucky sighed. "Think about it. It's in reach when you want it. "

"That doesn't matter now. Let's talk about your plans. What are you doing? I've been pondering all the time. You could get another degree first and with a good performance on that a scholarship after…“ „Do you want to be dating her?” Bucky cut him in, just not able stop himself. Steve closed his mouth with an audible pop. "No," he replied firmly. "Why not, Steven?" "I haven't thought about it. She's nice and interesting, we like the same classes. We're having a good time, but ... Why don't you like her?" Steve was really curious.

"Tell me more about her, maybe I'm getting the wrong impression. If you like her, there must be something about her that's making her worth it.” Steve puffed his cheeks thoughtfully, apparently he really wasn't thinking much about the girl ... Bucky started to hope a little bit again, secretly.

“Pauline's father has worked for the French government for many years, currently as a diplomat at the State Department here in New York. She has so much insight into the complicated European politics and it's so exciting! Have you known that Macron, He's the French ...” “I know who Macron is, he's hot!" Bucky grinned. Steve frowned. "Okay, let's talk about something else." "Not as hot as Trudeau, but if you're having someone like Trump ..." "Bucky, don't be like that now. So Macron last month ...” “Don't be like that now, either" Bucky interrupted, laughing. Steve started, then laughed with him, it was nice to hear Bucky's laugh again.

"Good, back to the issue. But you're a barbarian, Bucky Barnes, I'm talking about important politics and you're ranking the protagonists for attractiveness. Shameless.“ „Very important to me." Bucky smirked. "Never mind now. I can talk to Pauline for hours about politics, who else can I do that with since Sam has so little time now?” Bucky looked down, he had missed out on something there, well, if Steve wanted him to do that, he could! Well, actually not. But he couldn't talk about technical stuff with him either and he didn't mind!

"Are you listening to me at all?" Steve snorted, " _You've_ wanted me to tell you something about her." "Sorry." „She's feeling you're having a down on her and for no reason. That's why she asked me. Precisely because two things meaning a lot to her are taking her into your crossfire. Theater and soccer." _Or three things, theater, soccer and you ..._ Bucky thought darkly.

"Gosh, Bucky, if you aren't listening to me a bit more attentively now, I'm talking about Europe again, it doesn't seem to matter," Steve said, slightly hurt. _Oops_ , had Steve asked him anything?

“It's saddened her the two of you aren't getting along at all, even though you're having the same interests and hobbies. She's still a little lonely in New York and would like to have more friends.” Bucky's eyes widened. "Are we still talking about the same person? Lonely? Not enough friends? ”, Unbelievable how shamelessly she was useing Steve's protective instinct. "What do you mean?" Steve's eyes were a little narrowed. Bucky had to be careful. Miss Teen Vogue was obviously pretty smart. He had to be careful about Steve's protective instinct for the nifty bitch not being directed at himself.

"Oh, it's just my whole Drama class is going well with her." "And she's afraid that she's crossing borders, grabbing things she's not entitled to. After all, she hasn't known you've created the project from scratch and everyone now thinking of her idea to be better is making her very uncomfortable“ _Ooh, she's good!_ "Well. Basically, she's right. It's been lame at last and her idea is really good. “, Bucky conceded playing contrite. "I'm just worried about my certificate. If I'm going below a certain percentage of responsibility, I'm not getting it. Dr Strange was very clear about that. "

"Then tell her! I'm sure she's understanding.” _I'm gonna do a hell_. "Yes, maybe you're right. We've had an unfortunate start there and I guess that's my fault“ „Don't be so hard on you. You're really having much on your plate, after all.” Oh, patronizing Steven Stark. He was the only one of the bunch Bucky wasn't in love with. „And next soccer match you sure are back in the starting line-up. She said you're playing very well!” Steve smiled at him.

Pauline was better in this game than himself, Bucky noted. By telling Steve something nice about him, she achieved more than he did when he was sulking and hostile. But he could do that, too. Challenge accepted, thank you very much. "She's also good, very good." "Then you don't have to take it so tragically she's tunneled you and you had to do that foul, right?" Outrage rose in Bucky: That had been a fair tackling! All he could do was pull up one shoulder and show a neutral expression. "If you hadn't complained, you wouldn't have received the red card, she says. In Europe, footballers always comply with the referee's decisions. She was sorry that you let yourself be carried away. Afterwards she thought the game was much less exciting."

Bucky realized two things: first, Pauline Beauregard was lying shamelessly, and secondly, the countless Euroean football games Steve had watched with him for the sake of doing him a favour - Bucky loved European football - had all been in vain to teach him about football. European footballers and complying to the referee. Laughable, just to state it modestly! "Was a comfortable, not very challenging situation anyway with only two center backs, with three of them you can change the game much better tactically if necessary." "That's right," Steve beamed. _He has no idea what I'm talking about_... Bucky thought completely love-struck. _Steve's smile is so beautiful..._

"Have lunch with us tomorrow, are you?" Steve asked now. "Okay, you punk." "And I'm working on your college problem, I promise!" "Next time, don't text only after weeks!" "You neither!", Steve said goodbye. Bucky had looked at his threatening shitload of maths problems on the laptop more and more guiltily …

The next morning, Bucky got up at six, showered, and tried on over 20 outfits. Now his challenger was not a tramp from the barracks, but a French model from Paris. The stuff in which he looked sexy were not suitable for school because, yes, too sexy. The ones he liked, too strikingly different from what he usually was wearing. From his usual school clothes, everything in any combination was totally boring and he had worn it dozens of times. He didn't pretend that Steve would notice the difference at all. But he would feel so much steadier and more self-confident when looking good. And he also couldn't risk that someone would make a comment in front of Steve, after all: Let sleeping dogs lie.

The decision was made twenty minutes before he had to go. Thank God his hair had decided to look perfectly today without any effort. The out-of-bed look was very natural. Not the slightest sign of even the tiniest pimple in his face. Very good! Bucky had suffered from severe acne attacks during puberty from 13 to 15. Something Steve had miraculously been spared. Unlike him, on the other hand, Bucky hadn't needed braces. The tiny irregularity in his upper teeth only was making his smile more charming and interesting.

With body glue, he attached a fake piercing to his left nipple, a short silver rod ending in two black pea-sized balls. When the glue was dry, he put on a skin-tight white V-neck t-shirt with cropped sleeves that emphasized his shoulders and indicated the shadow of short cropped black armpit hair. The fake piercing was clearly seen. Casual faded wash jeans with a heavy studded belt, work boots and a sleeveless black hooded vest and he was finally very happy with his reflection in the mirror. He put on the bracelet Steve had given him and his grandfather's dog tags. Now he had to hurry if he didn't want to be late.

Maths was his first class. His homework was complete but certainly not entirely correct. Peggy raised her eyebrows as he was sinking into the bench next to her. "What _are_ you about to today?" She asked smugly. "I've decided to live a little bit again. What's making you more alive than a perfect outfit?“ „100 points in maths” she returned dryly. "I've been studying all weekend like a good boy." "So you have to come to school dressed like a bad boy?" She grinned. He was grinning back. "Bad boys are having more fun!" "Daniel's also got that sort of a piercing. He's just not wearing as tight clothes as you.“ With that she opened her book. Bucky blinked a few times and then opened his book, too. _Still waters run deep.._

Maths was horrible as always, but he still had a small breakthrough, with his homework he achieved over 75% in self-control for the first time. Today was his day! After Maths, he had English and Literature and they went through a smart short story in which a man with a raccoon is hiding in a small room above the garage to watch his family from there. Perfect for the full playback theater and Peter Quill would certainly be keen on getting his raccoon on stage. No one from advanced Drama class was with him in English, so he would sell this story as his own idea to make an example of a first attempt.

He skilfully gave the English class the idea of reading the story in roles describing the emotions it arosed in them. He was a genius! In addition, many of his classmates were ogling him for the first time in his senior, ogling just like they had been in junior. Interested, admiring and a bit fascinated. During free work before lunch break he elaborated the short story for the VPT, after lunch break they had Drama. Looking for Steve and Pauline in the cafeteria, he spotted the two of them bent over the New York Times, engaging in serious conversation at a table in the background. Well shit, that _was_ a problem. She would have the edge on him with any political issue and he feverishly considered how to change the topic of the conversation so that he would be getting in the middle of attention and he had a brilliant idea!

He pulled out his phone and called up an article he'd read over the weekend. A study had been published in Scandinavia, which showed that after the legalization of gay marriage, the suicide rate had dropped significantly. With the article open, he went to the table the two of them were at. Pauline was dressed fantastically in a light blue silk men's shirt with three-quarter sleeves and no collar and plain dark gray half-length leggings and eye-catching turquoise sneakers. Not bad. Steve in his khakis with a half-sleeve plaid shirt next to her ... Bucky's heart started pounding like mad. Only Steve could spot this terrible style looking so good in it, honestly.

"A milestone, look at this," he called when he arrived at the table placing the phone with the article between them quite on the New York Times. "Finally this connection had been made." Then he pressed his fingertips to his mouth, startled. "Oh, please excuse me if I've interrupted you on something, I've been just so excited." Pauline eyed him suspiciously, Steve smiled with joy. "Bucky!", Then he was looking at him from head to toe and back, his mouth remaining a little open, but then he'd quickly caught himself again. "No, no, we can discuss that later. What are you talking about?” With that he grabbed Bucky's phone and read the article.

"Tis is outstanding! A real success. See, Pauline!” He passed the phone on to her. Bucky sat down at the table unpacking his lunch. "How's your morning been?" Steve wanted to know. “76% at Maths, do I have to say more?” “Congratulations! I knew you're about to get the hang of it. "

Pauline finished the article and returned the phone to Bucky. “Very pleazing, zat's long overdue. A friend of my father's 'ung 'imself in the garage. 'e left a wife and two children be'ind, but 'e could never forget 'is greatest love, 'is boyfriend from university. It was so tragic.” Bucky noticed the calculating tone clearly, but also knew about Steve completely missing out on it. "Oh my God! That's terrible!” He cried out sympathetically. "I liked 'im. 'e always was reading those stories of ze bear and the boy in ze forest to me.“ „Winnieh, the Pooh, Winnieh, the Pooh, chubby, little cubby all stuffed with ... ", Steve and Bucky both had started singing immediately, but fell silent at the girls's disturbed glance immediately. "Sorry" "I'm sorry"

After a somewhat embarrassing silence, Bucky asked the two about their morning and soon lunch break was over. "Are we going to the media workshop together?" Drama and Media took place there. Pauline smiled sweetly. "Yes, sure. See you later, Steve!” When they got up, Bucky took off his hooded vest and stuffed it into his backpack, then stretched his arms as if tense while asking Steve how Peter liked it in kindergarten. The fabric of his shirt stretched over his chest and he was satisfied that Steve was looking at the right spot.

His eyes widened briefly, he licked his lips and answered a little hoarsely, without taking his eyes off the treacherous little bulge in Bucky's shirt: "Moderately, but my dad's worse." Bucky laughed brightly. "I can imagine that! See you then, Stevie!” He cleared his throat and answered lamely: “Yes.” Bucky and Pauline headed for the exit. The media workshop was stationed in an annex to the school's building. On the way, Bucky said casually, “Outstanding, your shirt. Paris?“ „Of course. Your belt? Texas? ”, It sounded sourly and somewhat bitchy. "Each to their own. And: Be sure: I'm capable. You better believe me.” She stopped. "What's zat supposed to mean?"

"If you keep telling Steve crap about me, I'm getting serious. Keep in mind, I'm gay. We gay boys are capable of that. We can play your lousy games as well as you. You don't want me as an enemy.“ Pauline stared at him. "I don't understand ...", she tried lamely to act innocent. "You've faked the foul. I've tackled you fairly. I can tackle you absolutely fairly off-field anytime. You better believe me if you don't want to make a fool of yourself.” The French girl narrowed her eyes. "What do you want at all?" "Don't pretend you don't know." Pauline flinched briefly, straightened her shoulders pulling herself up. She reached up to Bucky's eyebrows in height, wearing only sneakers, no heels. "I don't know what you're talking about." Her eyes were cold. Bucky laughed humorlessly. "Yes, of course not."

Then he threw back his gorgeous brunette mane of wild hair dramatically. "So it begins," he glared at her adventurously. "I'm winning," she replied confidently, "nobody will allow you to be mean to me." "I'm gonna treat you so sweetly and adoringly and supporting and just like some goddess so not only everyone around us will be flubbergasted, but even yourself.“, Bucky laughed at her,„ I cracked the code.“, with that he turned away from her his head high walking towards the media workshop. Steve meanwhile, who was already in the basic level Math class room, was pleased that Bucky had been so nice to their foreign guest this time. Bucky was such a charmer ... _And he's having a pierced nipple!_ came to his mind. Steve was half hard in an instant and got terribly hot …


	50. Heavy French Artillery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's anyone out there reading this, for the love of God I could do with a little feedback, translating the shit out of over 100 chapters here... just please, some few words, would be appreciated!
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Heavy French Artillery**

In Drama, of course, Pauline was greeted warmly by everyone and Bucky presented his most winning smile. When everyone was in their seats, he took a deep breath saying, “Gals and guys! I've been thinking. It is a blessing, fate has given us Pauline Beauregard. You have to apologize me for being such a _beast_.", He pronounced the swear word in a deep yet tender voice, "but what shall I do? I'm gay. I'm a drama queen. Sorry for that.” Bucky could, if he wanted so, be taking any advantage of his sexuality being 'fashionable' right now. He got a few laughs and kind, well-meaning attention to his speech. He continued praising the latest classmate joining Drama class before anyone could say anything about it:

“Pauline's input' saving our project and I'm indebted to her forever. _Je t'aime, miraclées_.”, He had googled that. The students taking French class smiled broadly at the nice compliment. “So, full playback theater. I've remembered a pretty good short story over the weekend. Please have a look, all of you.” Bucky sent the text file to the theater group via cell phone. Everyone pulled out their phones reading it through.

Denise was the first to look up. "Bucky! This is brilliant! And you're good buddies with the Starks. You can definitely get in touch with the crazy guy of Thor Stark's friends who's got the raccoon!“ Bucky grinned at her. "Can do." Then everyone else gradually finished reading were agreeing to Denise. Fantastic idea! Pauline Beauregard was smiling like everyone else, but Bucky noted the slight tension in her shoulders with great satisfaction.

Next soccer game, Bucky and Pauline were in the starting line-up. And Steve was watching! Bucky made the French girl looking good, with giving her good passes so she could shine with some dribbling and praised her widely, but he did the important saves keeping their team safe from dangerous goal scenes himself. He always waved aside the received individual applause. The goal against Sanctuary was scored in the 48th minute and it had been Pauline's fault. She hadn't passed to Bucky, although he had run into space, she hadn't just kicked the ball out of penalty box, tried to show off, losing the ball to the opposing striker who scored. She hung her beautiful head, her cheeks flushed with anger, and when Bucky called:

"Chin up, could have happened to anyone! There's still enough time!" She was annoyed even more. The former Bucky, the sullen one, whom she had easily outclassed, she had been better in handling. That charming superdarling Bucky had turned into was serious competition! And that distracted her concentration. The 57th minute she caused a corner kick with a sloppy back header. The opposing team smelled their chance to be getting a serious head start. The Sanctuary Emerald Soccs, as the team was called based on their emerald green jerseys with the soccer socks the same colour, came together in the penalty area to prevent this from happening, so the opponents also moved up, the more legs, the more chances to score a goal .

There was a turmoil and suddenly the ball dropped at Bucky's feet, who started without further ado and completely surprised the other team with his counter attack, no one came after him quickly enough. The goalkeeper ran far out of the goal, imminent approaching the somewhat petite defender he thought of not being a very great danger. All spectators were torn from their seats, cheering for Bucky. Steve, Thor, and even Loki were in the corner to the right of the goal, but Bucky didn't allow himself to look at them. He acted a maneuver and since the opposing goalkeeper had not been able to observe him in action up close and was unable to assess him, he expected the maneuver usual for attackers and changed his running direction. The maneuver had been a bluff.

Bucky, without slowing down, passed him, circled him and kicked the ball into the goal. He dropped to his knees and was carried a long way by his momentum. His back was arced in an elegant bow, his jersey slid up and you could see a lot of his fair skin, from which the sweaty streak of hair that disappeared into his soccer shorts was standing out clearly. Steve froze briefly in his cheers, which he shared with the whole school, he got hot, he got a little hard and he got bad at breathing straight and then he again was screaming himself half hoarse, like everyone else. Bucky was buried under a tangle of enthusiastic, sweaty, cheering teammates. Pauline Beauregard was on the edge of the messy bundle of bodies, bouncing up and down. When Bucky had worked his way out of the human puzzle, he beamed at her, raising his hand to a high five.

"Without the corner kick, that wouldn't have worked. Give yourself a scorer point!” Of course, she had to high five back. Equation! And since over half an hour to play. The defender with the 'girl's hair' and the much too pretty face, who was a bit small for a football player, was now on everyone else's radar. They hardly guarded him less closely than Jerry, their striker. The match got a bit dirty, there were a lot of yellow cards and ten minutes from the end it was still on balance. Then there was a corner kick for the Soccs. Bucky was undecided for a moment. Should he throw himself forward, risk a lucky punch that would let their own goal remained largely undefended, if there was a counter attack. The coach signaled him to stay behind and get at maximum to the halfway line. Pauline with the same order wasn't sticking to it and ran forward. Bucky saw the coach raging at the side line.

Oh, he would defend her so chivalrously in after-match review, he was grinning to himself. The ball flew from the corner flag into the middle of both teams, who were bustling in the penalty area. There were a few high, uncontrolled kicks and one flew far out of the penalty area towards Bucky's own field. Without thinking, he started to move, taking the falling ball with his chest, steered it to his knee, then to his foot, he had already made up a good 30 meters. There was an outcry from the opposing team. _Not him again!_ And then Bucky was already in the penalty area, with the ball. A sharp pain went through him. He buckled sideways, fell hard, only thinking of the ball looking around wildly. The whistle was piercing. An opponent had slipped his feet kicking fully into his ankle, he now was putting the passing events together …

That meant penalty kick for Bucky's team and a red card for the hard tackle. Sanctuary High was becoming a madhouse! Soccer was not a very popular sport in the USA, but all of the elite school students were always holding together with their teams, a matter of honor. A penalty kick was an 80% chance of scoring!

The team immediately gathered in front of the bench to discuss who should execute it. Jerry admitted that he wasn't in a good form today. “I haven't successed anything today. I quit.“ „Pauline, what about you?” Bucky asked. "I don't know, my faux pas iz still in my bones." "And what's with you, Bucky? You've been very good latest in scoring practice.“, The right winger called Mike suggested. "The fouled one shouldn't kick the penalty, ancient soccer rule," Jeremy, their midfielder mused. Goalkeeper Ruben remarked:

"But the goalkeeper is scared of Bucky. I know how it is. You've totally surprised him tricking him like that. If you're standing in front of him again now, he's having the heebie jeebies, I always feel the same way.” They looked at the coach, who had so far silently listened to their discussion. The man nodded. “Do it, Barnes. And score, for mother of God's sake.", He grumbled, shortly acknowledging him with a thin-lipped smile and patting him on the shoulder in a true British reserved way. Bucky was so full of adrenaline, his ankle wasn't hurting at all, he felt ready to take on everything, swimming across the Hudson river, climbing Fujiyama, finally telling Steve he loved him ... well, maybe not... but he would score this goal, he was convinced!

And then he was strutting, his head high, to the penalty spot, ball in hand. Satisfied, he could see the goalkeeper swallow. He put the ball on the spot with measured movements and jerked it back and forth with a great gesture. Soccer manners. He took a few seconds to look at Steve, who was making doe eyes and his mouth was slightly open, his hands clasping the railing in front of him. _Oh!_ More adrenaline was shot into Bucky's bloodstream. He looked back at the goalkeeper and graced him with a smirk so dirty he could literally see him grow smaller. The whistle released the penalty and Bucky started.

Then he pulled the trick the best striker in Europe, Robert Lewandowski, always used: he stopped the just allowed break before the kick, the goalkeeper threw himself into a corner of the goal. Scoring into the other one was a breeze from this distance. The outroar was deafening. Bucky instantly disappeared into his teammates' hugs. The adrenaline evaporated with relief and joy and his ankle gave in, he buckled, sinking to the ground, his team sinking with him, continueing to cheer him until finally someone realized Bucky was in pain. He had turned very pale, cold sweat on his face.

Bucky was substituded, celebrated infernally, while leaving the pitch, and Scott got a few more minutes of playing time. Two of the paramedics standing by for the match were dragging him into the medic room, both arms pulled over their shoulders, him hopping on one leg. There they removed his soccer boot, shin pad and soccer sock. Bucky was writhing in pain. The ankle was extremely swollen and blood oozed from a small laceration. Ice spray was used, disinfectant and absorbent gauze until the bleeding stopped, then a large sterile bandaid, a tightly wrapped cool pack and a storage cushion was provided. Bucky was lying on the bench, his injured foot high.

"Patience, hero," said Clarice, one of the paramedics. "You know the chain: protection, rest, ice, compression, elevation. It's going to be okay.“ „A small price to pay for salvation.” Bucky quipped weakly. For this he got two tired half-smiles. Paramedics were the toughest people in the world - even in high school. Then Steve burst into the room. _Steve was coming to look after him!_ "Bucky!" He called, rosy cheeks and neck and a wild worry in his eyes. "Calm your tits, punk. How has the match ended?“ „Um ...“ „Steven!“ „There was a lot of additional time because of the injury break. Bucky groaned. "I'm sacrificing my left leg for the win and you're not even watching until the end." Steve grinned: "Your leg doesn't look like falling off." Then he got serious again.

"Are you in pain?" Bucky considered deciding on: "Yes. Hurting like hell, it's even bled.” Steve's eyes widened with sympathy. Clarice coughed mockingly. Her patient hadn't complained about any pain since they'd put ice on it and the three drops of blood had been a joke! They both were ignoring her. "You kicked a penalty with this ankle, how have you done that and your field goal, madness!" Steve gushed now, and Bucky thought he was in heaven, he would have kicked his ankle every day for this, that's for sure!

"I don't know, Stevie, somehow I haven't feelt any pain until the ball hit the goal.“ „Adrenaline," Duncan, the second medic, muttered in a bored tone, very unimpressed. They ignored him too. "You are ... such a jerk." The warm feeling in Bucky's chest was heating up even more. How tender Steve was speaking! He swallowed around a giant lump and said, "And you punk are leaving an ongoing match without being able to tell me if my sacrifice …"

At that moment, a loud, noisy, bubbling soccer team conquered the medic room, effortlessly pushing Steve away from the bench and everyone was talking and patting Bucky's shoulder, his head, laughing, and Ruben kissed him on the cheek. "I've told you he was scared to his core" "We've won?" "Of course, you idiot! Would we be so happy otherwise?“ „You've been incredible!“ "Fantastic, Bucky!“ „You've gotten us victory!“ „You've been ice cold!" Steve found himself a bit uncalled-for, wanting to disappear unnoticed to the exit, Bucky earned the full attention and appreciation of his team. Suddenly he was facing Pauline, who was standing apart from her teammates, which was strange. Wasn't she happy?

"Steve ... great victory, izn't it? Bucky waz formidable, n'est-ce pas? We're about to celebrate, but unfortunately he haz to go to ze doctor'z and can't come wiz uz, order from ze coach. Would you like to come wiz uz?” Steve's eyebrows furrowed. In hindsight, the girl was the only one who hadn't congratulated Bucky, hadn't been happy with him …

"Go, be celebrating. I'm not part of the team, I would like to accompany him to the doctor's.“ Pauline had her pretty features perfectly under control, but a fierce rage was burning in her. Barnes had actually cracked the code, as he'd been putting it. She would have to reach deeper into her bag of tricks. She had to think about that later. The team strolled out of the room with further hymns of praise with Steve staying behind. "You have to see a doctor, I've been told." "That's but a scratch." "Coach's order." Said coach came in right this moment, interrupting them another time.

"Barnes! What is this ruthlessness towards yourself! I never want to experience that again, understand?“ „You said: Do it and score” Bucky smirked. "Oh, aren't we smart now? Listen carefully, boy, I cannot tolerate that you children are seriously injuring yourself here and ... oh, bugger. Good job, Barnes. Important victory.“ "Thanks, coach." "Now you have to go to the emergency room." "I want to go with him, sir," Steve said. "Stark, isn't it? Are you his boyfriend?“ „Um ...“ „Steve's been my best friend since childhood days, Coach, don't embarrass him." Mr Davies nodded curtly. "Let's go to the hospital."

Bucky's ankle was bruised and sprained, he got pressure bandages and crutches, and was celebrated like a hero for the next few days at school. After all, he had single-handedly defeated Bayside High, the previous year's champion, fiercely loathed at Sanctuary! But the best thing was: Steve picked him up every morning and took him home every afternoon! Bucky was living his dream, rainbows and shooting stars around him. And Steve was thinking of the streak of damp hair on Bucky's stomach for days…

Of course, Bucky was there at the after-match review next training session, although he would not participate. Pauline was scolded for her disobedience and Bucky again for his ruthlessness. "We can't do without you, Barnes. You're an important force in defense.“ „Oh, we're having Pauline now.“ „For the important matches, I need both of you!“ Scott grew a little smaller on the bench. "Lang! You don't need to be shrinking. We're also working on a match strategy with three central defenders and Barnes cannot play for three weeks now.” The coach glared at him again. "Coach, he was badly fouled, it's not his fault!", Ruben defended him. "He would surely recover faster if he hasn't been bouncing around on his injured ankle." That was probably true.

Bucky was watching training and texted with Shuri and Steve, separately of course. Shuri had also reprimanded him violently, but was teasing him constantly with his new hero status and the violin music she had recently claimed to hear when she was meeting him around Steve. Bucky barely responded to this, as he almost sometimes was hearing this violin music himself. Quiet, but still. Steve sent him funny messages, memes and video clips to cheer him up when everyday school was coming to its darkest hours (mostly in Maths ...) and had involved him in a violent game of 'Words with Friends', where they constantly were crosstexting each other because of not accepting the other's abstruse word creations, at least not those with high scores.

" _What's a 'bucklet' supposed to be?_ "

“ _Something like a 'booklet', but more like a pamphlet, written by you. 'Buckylet's sounding too unprofessional, so it's 'Bucklet'._ "

" _What kind of topics do you find in a 'bucklet'_?"

" _For example: '35 ways to dress unappropriately for Sunday school.' Publisher: Bucky Barnes. You should publish this as an illustrated edition! ;)_ "

It was idiotic, but at least flatteringly idiotic. " _Punk! :)_ "

Bucky sent his latest word.

" _Seriously? 'steve-esque'? For 42 points? No way, dude._ "

" _According to our definition, this is a regular word._ "

" _According to our definition you must be able to explain and you aren't gonna be successful with this! 42 points, pff._ "

“ _This is how an interior designer will someday describe your future study: a desk, modelled after Abraham Lincoln's, with an inkwell, writing quill, sealing wax and an ancient typewriter. You will be the only person in the world still having something like that in his study and after being interviewed and photographed because of it for the last print magazine in the world, 'Men out of Time', the expression 'steve-esque' even will conquer the fashion world because you will also be the last person on earth to wear khakis and plaid shirts. :p_ "

" _You are such a jerk, but a clever one. Give yourself the 42 points. But be prepared for something! :/_ "

Bucky was smiling happily to himself. It was almost like Steve was flirting with him. _Flirting!_ He didn't notice Pauline Beauregard's calculating cold look with which she was watching him. She could imagine very well whom he was texting. Her sinister plan began taking shape. She already had some of her 'props' together and was practicing with her professional make-up kit every night...

Two weeks later Bucky was free of his crutches and ankle braces, he only came to school after his doctor's appointment and when he met Steve in the hallway in front of science lab, he was happily pressing Bucky's shoulder. "Everything back on track?" "Fit as a fiddle!" Bucky started. Something was different. He straightened up, but that wasn't helping. A furtive look down didn't solve the confusion either. Steve, like himself, was wearing sneakers, flat ones. When Bucky looked up again, at Steve's face, he was smirking at him ... _down_ on him! Only slightly, but nethertheless. Bucky shook his head in disbelief: "No ..." "What?", Steve's grin got even wider.

"What monkey busines is that?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "I've shrunken." "Then you should measure yourself again." Steve visibly was enjoying this 'conversation'. "When was the last time you've measured yourself?" Bucky asked suspiciously. "Oh, I don't remember ..." "Liar." "Yesterday. 1.87m.“ „I hate your super food,” Bucky pouted. Steve laughed. Mr Henderson approached and Bucky climbed up to his seat next to Peggy while Steve and Pauline were sitting down in the front row. He turned back to Bucky and stuck out his tongue at him. He rolled his eyes grinning like an idiot the same time.

Peggy raised an eyebrow. "What's happened?" "He's grown." "And?" "He's taller than me now." Peggy shook her head rolling _her_ eyes now. "Boys..." Pauline down there asked Steve: "Are you going to ze benefit gala?" The benefit gala was a donation gala organized by the Junior Eventplanning class. This time, the beneficiaries were to go to projects that would help underprivileged, talented children and adolescents to receive a better education and to provide more equal opportunities. All Starks would go, of course.

"Yes, I'm going with my family. Would you like to meet them?” Of course Pauline noticed that this was just a friendly, polite question and she had gotten various invitations all week and spontaneously chose William Bailey from English class. "Oh, I'm wiz someone. Maybe we'll see each ozer anyway.“ „Would be nice! ”, Steve's smile was still friendly but she was usually used to a different smile from men... Bucky had already told Steve in the middle of the week he would not be attending the event, he had to study in earnest and wanted to stay in the whole weekend. Steve thought that was a shame, but he was understanding.

The first improv theater appearance last week had been a success Bucky generously and charmingly wanted to attribute to the input from their French classmate. But everyone was knowing it was all Bucky's credit, he'd given out the roles perfectly, had gotten Peter Quill with his raccoon on board and had handed out signs on sticks with emotions on the back to hold them up when triggered by the story. Billy would read out in his good voice. The class had to react to this. Perfect full playback theater.

The review in the school's newspaper, written by Kyle's now ex-girlfriend Lily, who also wasn't that fond of the French newcomer at Sanctuary High, praised Bucky's project and precisely this staging - and Bucky - in highest tones. Steve was speaking of hardly anything else at lunch for two days, which him, Bucky and Pauline now often were having together. Bucky and Pauline always being styled perfectly, yet casually. Steve may not have noticed, but it had not gone unnoticed by the rest of the Sanctuary students. Pauline delighted her fans and Bucky won back many of his admirers from last year. If a school ball were to take place now, they would probably be chosen as ball queen and king - _oh_ , how both of them would be _happy_ about that!!

When Steve and his family were dolling themselves up in 'gala' gear, Bucky took his way to Providence, Rhode Island. He was having a secret …

Steve actually hadn't heard of Bucky all weekend and didn't bother him either. He had asked so vehemently for not to be distracted Steve couldn't help but promise. On Monday morning Steve noticed a scribbling in the boys' washroom. 'Do you need the good stuff? Ask Bucky Barnes!' He thought nothing of it, asked Heimdall (that's what the students secretly called their caretaker John Highmore after the Nordic god who's seeing everything) to give him solvent and a rag to remove the graffiti. And as he was just at it, a few other ones, too (penis doodles, curses and silly toilet statements).

In the afternoon he discovered some sort of that in another washroom: 'Do you want a good blast? Bucky Barnes's having the best stuff!'. Steve frowned. He got solvent and rags again and after school he was observing a couple of the boys' washrooms removing those sorts of statements, seven in total. The school building was emptying more and more, and when it'd gotten lonely in the hallways, Steve entered one of the girls' washrooms. There he found 'Bucky Barnes has the best stuff!'. In a different color 'and the best butt' was written underneath, surrounded with some little hearts. Steve wiped away some words leaving 'Bucky Barnes has the best ... butt.'.

The test run in another girls' washroom first floor resulted in another shopping tip if you wanted to get some good _(drugs)_ 'stuff'. Where had that suddenly come from? Steve came out of school late that day ... He hadn't talked to Bucky until the next morning in Sports Science. The day before he'd spotted him behind a scary pile of heavy maths books in the library during free-time work. He'd only waved briefly, Bucky was looking terribly busy and in a bad mood. What maths was doing to him, to be precise. He had actually wanted to watch football training, but his cleaning action had held him up too long. In Sports Science, they should work, parted into teams of two, on diet suggestions for people with diabetes and gluten allergies.

"How's the gala been? Have you danced with your mother?” All the Stark boys had had dance classes in favour to their social position. Steve had practiced a lot until he got the hang of it. Loki, who'd been enjoying the strictly regulated sequences of steps, was dancing very well but wasn't to keen on it. As expected, Thor'd been a disaster.

"Yes, and Mom's very much praised me for having the right dance size for her. But it wasn't until my dad's clapped me off and all eyes have turned to the two of the. They've made a beautiful couple.“ „Although your dad's hardly having the right dance size for her, ” Bucky giggled. Steve was wondering if he thought Tony Stark had that for himself and quickly replied, "They're something like Sanctuary High celebrities." "Like the Kardashian?" Bucky grinned. "Of course not, you jerk! How's your weekend been? Are you getting on?“ „Like a snail with a cast.“ „I'm sorry.“ Bucky shrugged.

"Gluten allergy is a real plague, isn't it? No pasta, no pizza, the poor sobs.” They were working concentrated for a few minutes, studying nutritional tables, scribbling onto their handed out diet plan sheets. "I've read your name in the boy's washroom yesterday," Steve remarked casually. " _Ooooh,_ in the _boy's_ washroom? That's exciting. What's it said? Shuri's told me about the numerous amounts of little hearts I'm getting in the girls' washrooms throughout school.

"'Bucky Barnes is an idiot' without any hearts at all," Steve lied. He had wanted to know if Bucky had noticed the graffiti. But he apparantly didn't have a clue. "Why are you telling me this? Nice to have friends like you …" Bucky laughed. "I wiped it off." „Thanks, but too much trouble. What's on the walls of school washrooms is bullshit after all.“

Steve quickly realized that it was advisable to always have a small bottle of solvent and some tissues at hand. The messages kept popping up all week. When he discovered the first one with a phone number (which wasn't Bucky's though), he started wondering. He wrote the number down before wiping the graffiti away. To Bucky, he wasn't mentioning anything. And Bucky, too, never said a thing about it, but he couldn't tell, if he hadn't actually seen one of it ever, which Steve thought was unlikely, as many as there were again and again. But he couldn't make out any other explanation for it. He called the number once - mailbox. He didn't dare to text …

Friday night he and Bucky went out for dinner downtown and then to the movies. After weeks of hesitation, they had decided to watch the live-action 'Lion King'. They were all alone in the small cinema at late night screening. Soon they were blaspheming, fooling around, paying little attention to the movie, unless there were songs. They fiercely blared along and with some of the songs they even jumped up from their seats choreographing all over the place. They were having a lot of fun! As expected, they hadn't liked the movie …

(There was a couple of texts on the phone belonging to the ominous number during the week, requests. In addition, the long hair of an expensive brunette wig fell victim to the scissors until the hair-cut looked deceptively similar to that of Bucky Barnes. Another make-up sample was completely satisfactory: only the chest and shoulder props had to be sent back, both too muscular, too wide ... Texts were answered with caution and two small sachets, one with pills, one with herbs, were filled.)

On Monday, Steve did not discover any new graffiti for the first time - at least none about Bucky, mentally ending the matter. Someone had simply made a stupid joke and, since someone else had been so stupid to react to it, had been going on with it the whole of last week. Them had probably got tired of it. The school week was going on and on Thursday when Steve after English asked Pauline if something was bothering her, she was looking so thoughtful and absent, she frowned slightly.

"It's probably nozing, but ..." She glanced around so she could make sure no one was eavesdropping on her. "Do you know if Bucky iz fine? 'ave you talked to 'im a lot zis week?' Steve was startled. His friend had never had lunch with them and was spending hours and hours in the library all week. But of course they'd exchanged a few words every now and then and they'd texted each other regularly. "No, but I think he's fine. He's said nothing. He's studying a lot, that's all. Why are you asking?” The small worried line between his eyebrows making him so attractive deepened.

"I've heard somezing about 'im in ze cafeteria, I don't understand." She looked around again, lowered her voice even more. „Two kidz, Junior, razer Sophomore were whispering. I've 'ardly paid any attention until I've 'eard ze name 'Barnes'.” Steve pulled up one shoulder. Bucky had always been talked about a lot. "Before you get embarrassed: Bucky _is_ gay. It's not a secret.“ „It wasn't zat. I know zat.“ „But?“ „I 'aven't understood everyzing, but roughly: '... texted. zixty cash'. Ze ozer one hissed: 'where and when?' the rest's haz been mumbling.” Steve's expression was very serious now and a second line between his brows appeared next to the first. Code Red, so to speak.

„What are you trying to tell me with that?", Now an angry blush was rushing in, first only his on ears, then the bright color was spreading over his entire face. Pauline looked confused: "Nozing at all. I've said I 'aven't been understanding. I've only zought of 'im and noticed zat I 'aven't seen 'im for days except in ze library and I've guessed you ought to know what he's doing“ „ Oh! Yes, of course. Apologies. As I've said, as far as I know he's fine.” Steve smiled reassuringly. He was deeply concerned inside. Bucky, what's going on?

(The new probs for chest and shoulders arrived on Friday and they were perfect. Make-up and wig test run were more than satisfactory and the right clothing, studied on living model in the last two weeks and reordered one-to-one in a dark combination. The five centimeter difference in size was almost made up for with very thick-soled sneakers.The person who was glancing back from the mirror was looking very spookily like Bucky Barnes. Would Steven Stark now finally like what he's seeing? The resemblance to Bucky Barnes almost disappeared, this scornful, mean facial expression was never shown by the real one! The message sent was short and clear: "Sunday 5pm; soccer pitch, southern grandstand" That was a spot well observed by the audience-live-feed cam – which was used as security camera on weekends - SafetyFirst! ...) Bucky went back to Providence at the same moment. He had told Steve he wanted to study whole weekend again.


	51. "You Righteous Muttonhead!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 50 - and incidentally it's one of my favourites, among the top five, I'd say... Hope you enjoy...
> 
> ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

„ **You Rightous Muttonhead!“**

Monday morning, Steve was currently in Social Sciences, Bucky had IT and Technology as far as he knew, he got a message from him: " _I have to go to the headmaster's office! :O what the fuck?_ ” Steve couldn't wait for the break, but hadn't found Bucky in the crowded corridors. He'd also got no more texts from him. He was fidgeting nervously during his double hour French, after that they'd have free work time! The bell released him from his agony and he rushed through the hallways. The entrance to the library was cluttered by a couple of sophomores, form whom Steve picked the name 'Bucky Barnes' up.

"What are you talking about Bucky Barnes?", His most authoritarian voice came naturally and half of the kids turned to him instantly. Steve was already an impressive person but was looking unfriendly, with furrowed eyebrows and sparkling eyes he was frightening. "This is his friend from senior, Stark," someone whispered. "You there!" Steve barked at the boy. "What's going on here? What are you talking about Bucky? "

The boy was shrinking a bit and stammered: "Millie's said that Carl's said that Betty has told him how she's seen Barnes storming out of the headmaster's office, fuming with rage and with a flushed face, he's almost run her over. And before she's recovered from the shock, Strange's come out of the office with two cops saying goodbye there. Everyone has been looking very serious. "

"Steve!" That came from the hall behind him. The subject of the conversation himself. Neither red in his face nor visibly angry, Bucky sauntered up to him. "Hey! Let's take a few steps, it has stopped raining.” The Sophomores were staring back and forth between the two young men, frozen and almost vibrating with tense excitement. Hopefully Stark said something! "Bucky, this one ..." "Steve, come on, let's go out," his friend interrupted calmly but still not very subtly. Steve blinked, jerked:

"We're having free work hours." "Which is giving us the freedom not to use them for something meaningful. This is a free country. God bless America.” Some of the kids mentally noted down this cool statement. Steve followed Bucky, who had already turned away without another word. As they were around the corner, they could clearly hear the explosion of the younger students' chatter behind them. "Bucky!" "Wait ..." he whispered to him. "And smile." Steve smiled just like Bucky as they walked through a sea of glances and whispers. In front of the gates to the school grounds, Bucky grabbed Steve's hand and started a sprint as if he wanted to get as many yards as possible between them and the school building in a very short time.

They came to a halt under the trees, far behind in the school garden. Both breathing heavily put their hands on their knees. They literally were steaming. "The whole school is already talking about it," Bucky gasped, trying to calm down. Steve, the well-practised runner with normal breathing, blurted out: “Bucky! The little monkey's said the police've been with Strange while you ...“ „Them have been.” Steve blinked. "And what have they wanted?" Bucky was still breathing a little heavily. "Wait a minute." He pulled his phone out of his pocket. Message from Shuri:

"Are you running hand in hand into the sunset now? Fleeting from the cops, I've heard. You know this school's got windows, don't you?” He put it away after a short grin. "Two little shits from Sophomore are claiming I've sold them drugs." Steve stared. "They've caught them with E's and grass when they've left the school area last night and they've promised a general confession so they wouldn't be driven home to mommy and daddy in a cop car. Must have been reading my name on the boys toilets. You know, from the graffitis Heimdall's always cleaned up so quickly.” Steve was staring more and more.

“Now they're laying the blame on me, probably to protect their real dealer. The cops've been interogating me for three hours while Strange was watching over his student like a lion father. I've felt like being in a Grisham movie. Then they were searching my cell phone like forever! At least by now the NYPD knows I'm gay.“, he gave a short dry laugh. "Then they were taking fingerprints ..." Steve looked down at his hand. "You're doing that with tape these days, Steven." "And what now?" “My word is against theirs. There is no evidence, so it's gonna fizzle out. The school's talking about it for weeks, but that's what the narrow-minded bunch of snobs being taught here is like.” Steve said nothing. Bucky frowned.

"Steve, what is it?" "So, you ... haven't ...well..." "I can't believe this. Steven, you're an asshole! What have you been avout to ask? If I'm selling drugs? Why so? Do you need something?“ „Bucky …" „Don't ' _bucky'_ me on this like that. I'd be pretty stupid selling four E's and 20 grams of grass for only $ 60. “, He had to grin pinching a twig from a nearby bush with his fingernails, plucked the leaves thoughtfully. “Has to be one of the bored, super-rich kids, selling stuff at cost price, so to speak. A philanthropist.” Steve had gotten very uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Aren't you scared?" „Scared? I haven't done anything. I haven't even _bought_ drugs once in my life! I've always been getting them for free. Well, not really. I've had to be very nice first.” He whipped the branch into the bush. "Bucky? Everything alright?“ „Nothing is alright! I just can't have that stupid story sticking to me like a pimple!” He shouted violently. "I've already got enough problems." "Can I do something?" Bucky looked at him thoughtfully. _You could love me and hold me, putting my world in order ..._ "I don't think so," he said instead. "I have to sit it out. In two weeks everyone's talking about something else. "

"And Strange's really protected you from the cops?"Steve asked grinning lop-sided. Bucky's smile was getting a bit dreamy. Steve blinked. _What, Strange too? Does Bucky have a father complex?_ "He was incredible! 'I cannot tolerate you treating one of my students like a criminal because of a statement by two caught consumers of intoxicating substances' and 'James is an exemplary, responsible student and a decent person'. Not even I've known what he knows of me!” Bucky giggled. "He's right!" Steve called out in a tone of conviction. Bucky smirked and wrinkled his nose. "I don't like _decent_ in every context." Steve turned a little pink.

"Go on!", he urged Bucky though. He had just started to see the funny side of the story, Steve wanted to take advantage of that. “They've confiscated the cell phone of one of them little heroes. With 'our' correspondence on it. The little squirt texted the number they've thought was mine: 'Big B!'” ,Bucky snorted, “That's how he started. 'Big B'. Then: 'I'm told you're having good juice and I want some of it'. The great stranger replied: 'You don't say. Organic or conventional?' The cops've had to explain that to me first. Organic is a natural drug and conventional a synthetic one. Everyone in the room except me seemed to be aware!" Bucky laughed again,

"Even Dr Strange!" "After all, he's a doctor." „able to afford all kinds of _juice._..“, Bucky joked. „It's gone on like that: 'I'm comfortable with both.' the little shit answered snottily. Then I've been misrepresented in quite a few messages, just like some little crook from the backyard with smuggled watches in my coat. I've been a little offended. As I'm always expressing myself sophisticated and well. A ridiculously low price was negotiated, I think my widely praised intelligence has been insulted and lastly they've agreed to a meeting place that could not have been any more stupid: The soccer field in _school_!“ Bucky jerked back his head shaking with laughter, Steve was laughing along. Not because he's understood the joke, but because Bucky laughed. His laugh was so contagious - and so beautiful …

"The cops've also said the two losers have described me very well, whereupon Dr Strange has interjected: 'James is seen on the school's theater stage almost every week, everyone here's able to describe him well.'" "That's right!" "Well, may be, but they've only put in general banalities like tall, lean, brown hair. How apt. As if there's not more to tell about me! Tall and lean with brown hair. Nobody else in America's looking like that!“ „That's true!”, Steve called out and Bucky flashed him him a funny glance. "Uh, you're right, I mean." "Wanna have lunch?" "What?" „Do you want to grab a bite?” _I'd rather stay here with you, just the two of us._ " „Do you want to?" Bucky rolled his eyes. "And let them all be gawking at me in the cafeteria?" "I'm getting you something!" "Get yourself something, I've got food with me." "I'm gonna be right back." They were having lunch under the trees chatting, laughing and feeling like the only people in the world…

Late in the next morning the whole school literally was trembling with buzzing excitement. James 'Bucky' Barnes had been arrested!

Steve waited and waited for his call. Detainees were allowed to make one phone call, wasn't that right? He googled. It was, indeed. Why wasn't he calling? Where was he? What happened to him What were they doing to him? Was he in an interrogation room? In a cell? Steve was going insane with uncertainty and worry. The school day was dragging on. He noticed many of the students were looking at him curiously, watching him furtively. It was known they were close friends ... Pauline Beauregard caught him during lunch break. "Steven ... let's get out a little, oui? 'ere you don't 'ave a break.” Her motherly caring tone was doing good to him and he was following her almost automatically. They walked a long way in silence. Pauline offered him something from her raw food box, he declined, he wasn't hungry.

"Steven," the French girl finally sighed. “It's a good zing zat you don't 'ear from 'im. Zat means, 'e’s not yet in a cell.“ „They have already interrogated him! He hasn't done anything. What have they been thinking who they are, taking him to the police station!” Pauline was silent. "Just because they are completely in the dark and they don't want to look like incompetent morons." "Are you sure about zat?" "What do you mean?" “Well, the people 'ere 'ave zeir rights. Zey can't arrest 'im wizout any convincing reason.” "What do you mean by that?" Steve had gone pale. “Zey 'ave to 'ave found something. Evidence, indications. Ozherwise zey aren’t allowed to keep 'im for 'ours and 'ours.” "This is not true... it simply can't be ... I do not think so!" She looked at him sympathetically squeezing his forearm. “I know. I’m also completely ... I don’t know ze right word, ... désolée?” Steve smiled sadly at her. "Inconsolable." "Yes, zis."

Bucky called the late afternoon. "Can you pick me up? Police Station Third Avenue, 17th.” "Bucky, what's happening ...?" "Please pick me up, we're talking then." Steve swallowed. "OK." Steve crossed the hall, Thor called from the kitchen, where everyone else except his mother was: “Where are you going, Steve? To Bucky in jail? Bucky was arrested at school today!” Steve stopped dead. He recognized the quick steps of his father's. "Steve!" "Dad, I have to go get him, he's been there for hours." Tony accompanied his eldest son to the door, went with him in front of it, his other children didn't have to hear that. "Steve!" He held onto his upper arm. "What's happened?"

“The police's come to school yesterday to interrogate him. Someone tries to put him in for dealing with drugs. ” "And today?" "Today they've picked him up taking him to the police station." "Steve ..." "What? This is all nonsense! A lie! He hasn't done anything!” "You know he's got a drugs history." "That was months ago." Tony swallowed. He'd caught Bucky in Steve's room with drugs a few weeks ago. "You may not know all the facts." "I do know _him,_ dad!" "Steve!" His father closed his eyes briefly. “If they've brought him to the police station, that's meaning they've arrested him. They have to have evidence, or at least very telling indications.” Why's everyone telling me this? They're talking about Bucky here! Bucky hasn't done anything! “They're wrong, I'm sure!” Tony was determined to save his son from pain and disappointment.

"I can help. With a good lawyer this doesn't have to be the end, Steve!” "You think he's done it? Has done all of that? Bucky? Let go of me, Dad, please. I'm getting him out of there and he's gonna confirm what I'm already convinced of.” Tony let go of him his shoulders sagging slightly. "I'm wishing myself nothing more, Steven." "I have to go now," Steve replied impatiently. His father swallowed and only nodded wordlessly. If Steve had only once shown his love for this boy to him just like that, none of the mess Bucky Barnes seemed to get into again and again would have happened. Nothing. He glanced after his son driving off …

Bucky was sitting in the waiting area of the station and was very pale, but seemed to be calm. "Bucky! What's...?" "Take me home, Steven, please." His voice was trembling and hoarse as from talking too much. Steve closed his mouth, nodding. In the car he raised again: “What have they wanted from you? What's happened ...“ „Stevie ... ”, he sounded hurt and very scared. "Please take me home." Steve then got him home in silence. His thoughts were racing and whirling like crazy in his head. _Bucky is scared, very scared. Evidence, indications ... arrested, hours and hours at the police station, interrogation after interrogation, Bucky's worries, his problems, fear for the future, he's needing money for college, doesn't want to go to the army ..._ When they arrived at the Barnes house, they got out, went up the driveway and Bucky let them into the lonely desolate estate. They went to the kitchen.

“I'm starving, they haven't offered me anything except their creepy coffee, ordering anything? I've got coke in the fridge.” Steve didn't answer. Bucky's voice was still a bit rough, his body language expressing exhaustion, his mouth was set in a tense line and his hands were trembling almost imperceptibly. "Steve?" “Why haven't you told me yesterday? I would have been on your side, I wouldn't have let you down. No matter what has happened, no matter what you've done. I know you've had your reasons and there is nothing we cannot fix. You and me. Together." One of Steve's fiery speeches, without a break and full of conviction, strength and confidence, but wait a minute ... What did he say?

Steve didn't know how it happened. He heard an ... you could only call it 'angry hissing' and then Bucky lunged at him like ... yes like an angry cat, or more like a cougar, a cat would have never been able to thrust Steve backwards against the kitchen counter, his hands (front paws) clawed into his shirt. Several objects clattered to the ground. "How dare you!" Bucky was shaking him. Steve was stunned, his hands automatically grabbing Bucky's upper arms, pushing him a bit away, which was making him only angrier.

“Stop acting the strong man, you asshole! Argh!”, He brought a hand free and pounded onto Steve's chest. Steve caught it clutching his wrist in an iron grip. "Bucky!" "How dare you stupid fucker?" Bucky behaved like mad in Steve's grip and his anger made up for Steve's strength, he released his hand and hit him on the side of his head, not that hard, but it was making Steve's head a bit dizzy. When he was with himself again, he pushed the furious bundle of anger (the angry cat Bucky had turned into) violently away setting his giant body into combat position.

This only made Bucky even more furious and he literally jumped at him again, got him off his feet and Steve suddenly found himself on his back, Bucky above him, one leg on each side and he slapped him on the shoulders, the upper arms and chest, tears running down his cheeks, and with every blow he uttered poisonous curses: “Why are you saying that? How can you think that ...? I hate you Steven Stark! You are such an asshole! Fuck you! You of all people! _You righteous muttonhead_!” Steve was soon struggling more weakly as Bucky's attacks were getting less and less fierce and he was taking the last few powerless blows without any resistance.

Then Bucky was breaking out into broken sobs and his body lost all aggression, tension and collapsed exhausted, he sank down on Steve's chest crying, puffing and shaking and desperately clutching on Steve's shirt. "I'm fucked, S-stevie, goddamn sure so fucked and I don't know why, I don't know what's happened." Steve lay frozen for a short while, unable to move, then a strengthening thought shot through his head. _This is Bucky. Your Bucky! He needs you!_ "Bucky!" He wanted to say in a firm voice, but there was only a hoarse little whisper. He cleared his throat. His arms closed without him thinking around his trembling, miserably sobbing friend on him.

He was holding him until he calmed down. His body was warm and his weight on himself was strange but wonderful at the same time. Bucky was smelling of shampoo, aftershave, a lot of sweat, and a bit of old coffee. Actually pretty disgusting, but Steve was sucking in his smell finding a nuance smelling only like Bucky himself. He closed his eyes and his senses were getting aware of the long, lean legs, knees at his own ribs, ankles next to his thighs, Bucky's hair was tickling his neck, Bucky's face was hidden on his shoulder, there he could be feeling his hot breath through the fabric of his shirt, his fingers were loose and warm and trusting around his upper arms, and on his thighs he could feel Bucky's small firm butt... Steve took a deep breath, swallowing hard. "Bucky" "Help me," that came at the same time. "I'm helping you, I'm there for you, Bucky. I'm not leaving you alone, I'm not letting you down, I'm getting you everything you want – uh, _need!_ ”

"Pizza," Bucky whispered. Steve chuckled. "I'm order some, come on." They picked themselves up, were a bit embarrassed for a moment, but Steve then took his phone out of his pocket opening the delivery app. "What do you want?" "Anchovies?" “Yuck, but you're getting it. Something else?" "Can I have Tiramisu?" "Of course. Already ordered." Bucky went taking a shower while they were waiting. He came back, hair a wildly dripping wet mess, in a T-shirt and pajama bottoms. "I have a problem." "I'm solving it, promise." And Bucky had to bite his tongue so hard that it almost bled, otherwise he would have blurted out with 'I love you'. “Steve, it's all a helluva lot worse than I've thought. Someone is seriously targeting me and wants to put me in for something and it's looking well thought out, precisely planned and damn personal to me.” "What do you mean?"

“The graffiti about my little extra income in all washrooms all over the school for a week. Then the little shitheads are caught red-handed before they even were having the drugs for two minutes, Claiming determinedly, it has been me selling same drugs to them after some weird texting session. Me, Bucky Barnes. I mean, everyone in school knows what I'm looking like. They've had to know, the cops would get back to them when it's investigated and I'm possibly having some alibi. Come on, I'm Bucky Barnes! No date on a Sunday evening? Me? You're aware of my mythos. And they've acrimoniously asserted it was me, have described me in more detail and disclosed more of the transaction. For example, I haven't said a single word, only miming at them with gestures from about six yards away to drop the money, take three steps back, then I would take the money, dropping the drugs and be disappearing like a ghost. ”

Steve frowned ever deeper. “A mix-up with someone resembling you? The dealer hasn't spoken. After all, everyone knows also your voice at school.” "Possible. But now listen! There's a video from the Security Cam.” "And?" "The guy in question, according to the cops, is very sure and undoubtedly me." Steve's jaw dropped. "I do not understand." “They're saying that cam feed is such a rock-solid indication you can certainly make it an evidence. Of course this is tricky, because you can't see what's in the bags that _'I'm_ ' dropping there, could be oregano and TikTaks after all, but there is no doubt about the identification of my person. And now tell me: _What the hell?_ ”

"Have you seen the feed?" "No. The lawyer I've picked from the list they gave me is a loser. But he promised to plead for defense's handicap.” "You're having a lawyer?" "Of course. Otherwise I'd be in NY city jail now. And a boy like me doesn't want to go there as you can possibly figure.” "You need a better lawyer than a loser from the list." "Stevie, I can't afford a better lawyer." The silence between them got heavy and when Steve took a deep breath and Bucky was tensing up and crossing his arms, the doorbell rang. Pizza! Thanks heavens! At dinner Steve said thoughtfully: “Hasn't anyone seen you here at the time of the crime? You've been here all weekend, haven't you, studying.” Bucky didn't look at him. “Or can you prove the progress of your work on the laptop, are there timestamps or something like that? Or..."

"I haven't been here, Steven." "But ... you've said ... where have you been? Out for lunch? Getting some fresh air?" "I haven't been at New York all weekend." Steve looked at him as if his face had turned blue, then he blinked. "Oh. Have you been with … someone? ”, He asked emphatically indifferently. "Yes I have." Steve swallowed, you could tell he had a thousand questions he was holding back. “But isn't that a good thing? Then you're having an alibi!“ ”Bucky took a deep sip from the coke bottle. "None with legal relevance, my lawyer's saying." "Oh." Steve looked down embarrassed. "It's not what you're thinking, Steve. I've been with my mother in Rhodes Island and haven't come home until around 11pm on Sunday. ”

"You've been with your _mother_?" “It's not that important now, Steve. More importantly, the most accurate definition of prejudice against the judiciary is the testimony of the suspect's mother.” "You've been with your _mother_?" “Steven, is your longplayer hanging? Her statement would be worth a tinker's cuss, so why are you nagging on it?” “Wait, that doesn't mean it's useless. Maybe her neighbors've seen you, has she introduced you to someone? There must be something in there! ” "I don't want her to be dragged in there, Steven, okay?" That came out a little violently, Bucky turned pink. "Okay ..." Steve replied stretched. They continued to eat in silence.

"Why haven't you told me about?" Steve wanted to know after having finished their pizza and Bucky was feasting on his tiramisu. Bucky lowered the spoon sighing heavily. "Tell me." "You've seen enough of how fucked up we Barnes are." Steve shook his head vehemently. "Not you of them Barnes, maybe your parents, but not you." Bucky shrugged his shoulders continuing to eat. "But you've been at your mother's for a whole weekend! Gosh" "Hach ... Steve. She is my _mother_! I'm just not having another one. Of course she's not a such a classy lady like yours ...“ „Bucky. You know what I've meant. After all, you've said for a long time that you never want to see her again. ” “I've had a bad day a few weeks ago when school started again and texted her asking how she was. Well, one thing was leading to another, we've been texting each other since then - regularly. And she kept asking if she could be seeing me. I've given in, that's all. ”

“Yes, I understand, it's only natural. But why haven't you told me?” "I've first wanted to see how it's going before you're asking me again and again and in the worst case scenario I would have had to tell you things I don't want you to know or I'd have been tempted to lie to you." Steve was amazed about his words have been coming quick as a shot - Wait: "Things you don't want tme to know?" “You don't have to look that hurt. You want some? Tastes like heaven!” He was holding out his spoon with a moderate bite of tiramisu to Steve. He leaned forward accepting the sweet gift. Bucky's gaze was mesmerized on Steve's mouth as he was licking his lips with relish.

"How long have you not eaten something like this?" He teased. "Many months." "You're a punk," Bucky snorted. “Stop laughing, you jerk. It's poison to my diet.” “Which's consisting of what? A dozen raw eggs and half an ox each day?” "Stop it," he threw a sofa pillow at Bucky, hitting the spoon. Bucky, who was about to put it in his mouth, completely devoted to the fact that it had just been in Steve's mouth, was reacting too slowly. He was smearing the corner of his mouth and Steve leaned over to him, wiping the blob away with his thumb and put it in his own mouth, licking it clean …

"What don't you want me to know, huh?" Steve caught Bucky in the dizzy feeling caused by this tender and intimate gesture. “I don't want you to know that even my own mother's not caring 'bout me. This humiliation is harming our friendship.” Steve stared. "Are you _crazy_? What can you do about your people to be the way they are? Or me when we're at it? What have I done to have myself gotten so lucky with my family? Nothing can degrade you or your worth in my eyes. _Nothing,_ Bucky Barnes.” “So are you writing me letters every now and then when I'm in jail? It's definitely something for you. Hand-written letters on paper in ink.”, Bucky had cocked his head and pouted at him a bit coquettishly to hide his emotion.

"Bucky! You're no going to jail! I'm preventing that!” Steve burst out passionately. “At first: you need a good lawyer. Dad's said that too. ” Bucky sat up stiffly, the tiramisu bowl almost slipping out of his hand. "You've told your father?" “Thor has. You know how he's like. That's because we Stark men always think of ourselves as a kind of conspiratorial bunch when we have to keep something secret from mom. Thor thinks dad can be told anything like he's just another brother. ” "If your mother's getting behind your cheap tricks, you're all fucked." Bucky laughed. “Dad always's saying that, too, in different words of course but still. He's one to talk. As if he's not able to get her wrapped around his little finger. We boys aren't having it that easy.

"Steve ..." Bucky's voice was just a breath and he looked shocked. "What? He is the smartest person on the planet. If he doesn't manage to make the person in love with him putty, who will?” "Hm, good argument." "And since my dad _is_ the smartest person on the planet, I'm asking him for help with this." “Steve, no! Your father doesn't want to be bothered with my shit.” "Why are you thinking that?" According to this mess, Tony Stark would never let him enter his house again in life and if he ever again dared to get close to his family, apart from stubborn Steve, who simply wouldn't let himself be avoided, the next Bucky would be finding himself in Alaska or Siberia. No, Tony Stark's help wasn't anything he could expect or even hope for. He said nothing of all of this, but:

"I've told you before, your dad is annoyed by me." Steve looked at him thoughtfully, had the question on his tongue that tormented him so much... _Are you still in love with my dad?_ But of course he didn't say that either. “He'd still help you. You're innocent." _You're not having all the facts Stevie ...You know nothing about your drugs your dad is thinking have been mine._

"There's still the problem I can't afford a better lawyer." Bucky looked at Steve as if to say _And you can't change my mind, I won't let you pay my lawyer._ "My dad could help your lawyer get his job done right, don't you think?" Bucky gave a dry laugh. "I can't afford a decent lawyer, but surely Tony _fucking_ Stark as a consultant, Stevie!"

"We need this camera feed and you're asking your mother to ask around who's noticed you there in Rhodes Island that weekend." "I'm not asking my mother." "Bucky! Why? It can help you so much! Why don't you want ...?” "You wonder why? We are just getting closer again and then I'm calling her saying _'Oh mom, I've been arrested for drug dealing, can you talk to the neighbors?'_. No way, I'm doing this. I just don't always want to disappoint _both_ of my parents ...“ „This is the woman who've stolen your car, Bucky.” “To get away from my father? Wait and see what else I'm about to do managing the same.” Steve didn't have anything to say on that. For now, he gave up the point. "We definitely need this cam feed."

"Who's hating me that much to be pulling a thing like that, Steve? Who could it be?” Bucky abruptly changed the subject. "A madman?" "Too clever, too well planned." "Have you annoyed anyone?" "I keep annoying people just because I'm gay, but that's just no reason to get that personal." “The defender who's now so often on the bench? Scott, right?” "Lang? Do not be absurd! The guy is a gummy bear, he doesn't harm a fly. Running to his locker every second break looking how his ant farm is doing and collects ugly cuddly toys. Not in a lifetime.” "Hm, otherwise I have no idea, I'm sorry." "I have no idea either ..." Bucky said pensively. _You did annoy someone ... but would she ...? No, I can't imagine that …_

“Earth to Bucky!” “Sorry, just thinking. No, I can't think of anyone.” "Are you still eating this?" Steve gestured to the rest of Tiramisu. Bucky grinned: "This is poison for your diet." “Go give it to me, you jerk. Not everyone's looking like some stupid gazelle though eating stuff like that all the time!” "All the time?" _Gazelle? Are friends calling each other something like that?_ "Really, you're unnatural with your minus body fat ratio." Bucky looked down at himself, then back at Steve, who was launching a serious attack on the rest of Tiramisu. Steve went on speaking: "That bit of soccer practice isn't supposed to keep a body in shape like that. It's unfair. And that with a person loving pizza, tiramisu, burgers and cheese as much as you are." Bucky was baffled. Then he could no loonger keep himself from giggling. "I'm masturbating a lot too, does that count?" Bucky exclaimed. Steve lowered the spoon staring at Bucky with his mouth open, then he stated: “Me too. In addition to a hard excercise program. As I've said: unfair. ”

"Aren't you happy with your body?" Bucky couldn't help it. Steve pulled a face setting the bowl down firmly on the table, although there was still some in it. “It's damn hard work. I'm gaining weight just from smelling bleached flour,” he grumbled. "And flour isn't even smelling." Bucky answered. "It is: like extra laps around the field, at least according to me.", Steve was looking at his knees. Bucky hadn't known that, he was amazed to find out. He'd never thought of Steve with his perfect body of a Greek god having anxieties like that! “Uh, just to be clear, for sure the hard work's paying off. You're in a fantastic shape, dude.” he said casually so as not to make the subject more significant than it already was. “That's a nice compliment from someone so well versed in the attraction of the male body. Thank you, Bucky.” "You're welcome."

They no longer were talking about Bucky's impending serious problems, nor about his mother. They decided on having another go with _their_ 'The Lion King' (the _correct_ version) and when Rafiki ended up holding Chiara in the air presenting the little princess to the kingdom, they both felt a bit feeley-whiney, as usual, with the difference Bucky couldn't stop crying. In Steve's arms under violent sobs he was confessing being in nameless fear, facing a life in jail, where all men would mercilessly harass and maltreat and torture someone like him and that he was seeing no future for himself anymore and about everything being always crappy and miserable with him and desperately crying out: „Why was I born at all?“

Steve closed his eyes tormented by compassion and pain at Bucky's grief, pulling him closer whispering feverishly: “You were born so I can have you. My best friend, my one real true friend, my Bucky.” Then he pulled a little bit back, putting a hand on Bucky's puffed, red, wet and snotty face ... Both were holding their breaths, looking at each other alternately on the lips, then again in the eyes.

"I'm not giving up on you, I'm not giving up _you_. I'm not giving you _away_..." Steve's voice had grown very hoarse. He tilted his head a little, then froze. _What am I doing here, how can I take advantage of such a moment? Even think about it? Why am I always so damn attracted to him when he's weak, vulnerable and small? What does that mean? What is that making out of me? What is that saying about me?_

"I've got to go, I guess," he croaked out. Bucky flinched and blinked as if Steve had emptied a bucket of icy cold water over him. He took a deep breath, ( _gosh)_ , how long had he been holding his breath? He swallowed nodding. "It's late." "See you tomorrow at school." Steve pulled his arms away from Bucky and he felt so lonely and alone and suddenly cold, but wasn't giving anything of it away, at least he hoped so.

"I can't go to school." "What? You have to! You can't run away and confirm everyone, allow them to assume the worst and tell even more evil things behind your back!” "Steve ..." Bucky called tortured. "I cannot!" “Yes, you can, you have to and you will. I'm by your side every minute. Nobody' gonna dare say anything. You've done nothing wrong, you have to face them all proudly and with your head held high. You are right and you have to let everyone feel that!” Bucky shook his head weakly.

"What you're asking from me there ..." "Do it for me." They'd spoken at once. Bucky immediately fell silent. _For you? Everything for you, punk._ "Maybe you are right," he whispered bravely. "I _am_ right. And you won't wrap up yourself in unobtrusive gray sportswear tomorrow. You're going to look stunning as always, in tight pants and a sexy shirt, and you're holding up that stupidly beautiful head God the fool's given you for whatever reason.” "Uh, like this?" Bucky lifted his head a bit, completely under the spell of Steve's innate authority (God bless the Stark/Potts genes). "Almost", Steve breathed, putting his thumb and index finger around Bucky's chin lifting it a little more, his fingertip ghosting through the accentuated dimple in Bucky's chin as if by accident.

"Perfect," he purred. Then Steve blinked in shock. Bucky's eyes had changed so strangely, had become very dark, huge pupils almost replaced the wonderful gray-blue. _Stop it! You're a creepy, manipulative fuck, Stark! How can you! When he's so vulnerable right now_... He took his hand away, jerkily got up looking everywhere, just not at Bucky. He devoured Steve with huge eyes. _Kiss Me! Love me! Hold me! Sleep with me! Why have you stopped? WHY? You're wanting it too!_


	52. Bucky's Having a word with Pauline

**Bucky's Having a word with Pauline**

Steve literally fled from the Barnes estate going home rushed. He tried to be quiet in the hall, but his father had been waiting for him, what was actually to be expected, and intercepted him. "Tell me, Steve." And Steve, who certainly hadn't promised Bucky to keep his dad out of this, reported - the facts. Of course, he did not mention the wrangling, the almost-to-happen-kissing and this permanent sexual tension between them. Tony listened to everything, promised to think about it while saying good night to Steve.

His son - and Bucky - never found out that that night he got into the database of NYPD, getting the name of Bucky's lawyer there and sent him a sophisticated strategy, along with properly formulated submissions and applications. Even if Bucky'd sold some pills and a bit of weed, him to end up in jail, he certainly didn't want that. But he still didn't want him in his house either for now...

Steve was lying in bed putting his emotions to the test after a quick, relaxing selfcare time. Bucky, meanwhile, ransacked his closet after getting rid of his own urgent, throbbing little problem. If Steve wanted him to go to school tomorrow looking fantastic, he would do just that! He still could be feeling his fingers on his chin ... Steve was tormented with remorse. _I think I really love him. But why is it always almost so painfully urgent when he is weak, in need of help or is - how horribly perverted is that? - crying?_

Steve had in that moment forgotten of all the other moments when he loved Bucky just as dearly and passionately and desperately - and needily as for that. Bucky on stage when he was casting everyone under his spell. Bucky on the soccer field preventing or scoring a goal. Bucky, when he countered a stupid statement cockily and confidently with brilliance and ingenuity. Bucky walking trough the school corridors in tight pants and a sexy shirt turning all heads. Bucky, how he once had repaired the laboratory equipment cart in Science when a wheel was always turning sideways ... There were lots of moments like that and Steve was always enraptured, completely impressed, infinitely proud of him and - yes, horny…

The next day, Bucky was showing his best I'm-owning-the-world demeanor, his greatest sarcasm, while taking the edge off with self-irony, his one-million-watt charm, and his I-don't-let-anyone-know-how-I'm-feeling indifference. He also was looking stunning. That had been the easiest. Steve had kept his promise to never leave his side. He hurried out of the classes they didn't have together to accompany him to the next one trying to copy Bucky's cool, confident smile. Most of the time he was just grinning like an idiot in love, in love and completely fascinated by this breathtaking being, who had become his best friend through a chain of lucky coincidences. Pauline Beauregard was ... impressed.

Barnes did a great job, although he had to be shitting bricks by now. She was tempted to call it off, going to the police to admit that she had wanted to play a mean trick on Bucky Barnes, a typical French dark prank, those dumb Americans would be eating that for sure... her diplomatic immunity would protect her from any hard consequences. But she was deeply offended by Steven Stark's lack of interest. Never before had a boy or man whom she had considered for her favor reacted so indifferently. She decided to wait and see. Bucky was struggling through a day full of glances and whispers, a thousand times worse than ever, but Steve, staying with him so resolutely every moment and seeming so proud of him, was giving him strength.

At lunch, Shuri came poking her index finger into Steve's chest. "Big one! I want to speak to Bucky alone, may I? Or do I have to fear about you stabbing me in the back with one of those flashes from your eyes you've been shooting all day?” Steve could only utter an "Uh." while Bucky was laughing. “My little princess, one can state that differently. What's happened to the good old 'excuse us a moment'?” "Boring. And his stink eye is really scaring me! ” Steve got up politely. "I'm seeing if I want some dessert." and moved away.

"He's lying, he's never having dessert." "How are you?" Shuri got down to business. Bucky had briefed her on the situation and its progress - well, rather non-progress. “Crappy. I'm scared like hell. But at least I'm not alone with it.” "Is your prince charming finally noticing anything?" "Shuri ...", Bucky was shaking his head reproachfully. "If Steve needs time to figure out what he's feeling, I'd be the last person not to give it to him." “You would always be the first person to give Steven everything he needs or wants. Don't lose yourself in it,” she said sternly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

“It was definitely not your idea to appear here today, dolled up like a movie star and attract this amount of attention. It's a very clear non-subtle Steven-act, isn't it?” Bucky smiled dreamily, "Steve-esque." She stared at him briefly, then: “You must be out of your mind. Hopefully the two of you are putting it together soon and are having a lot of sex, that's clearing one's head, I've been told.” Bucky chuckled: "I can only agree with you."

"Are you going to able to fix this thing you're stuck with?" She suddenly asked seriously and a bit fearfully. Bucky's laugh died away. “I don't know, princess. It' looking serious.” "Can I be in help?" "I do not think so. My lawyer's submitting petition after petition, let's see what he's gonny accomplish.” Shuri nodded. "Understand. Don't you want to hire a better lawyer?” Bucky snorted. "There's $ 112 in my bank account." Shuri nodded again. Then she got up. "Tell me if something's happeng." "I will."

Bucky received a message from Mr. McKenzie, his lawyer, just before school ended.

“James, I'm having good news. I've been given some of the surveillance camera feed for use. Meet me in my office until 6pm. ”

Bucky and Steve went to him right after school. The cutout from the video Mr McKenzie had played for them was leaving them speechless. Bucky only uttered after a while, "Huh." Steve clearing his throat stated, "You have a doppelganger." "Obviously. But if, what have I done to him so he wants to clobber me so badly?” "Maybe someone's hired him to put you in." The lawyer cleared his throat: “Gentlemen, with all due respect, I'm seeing no way to be able to convince anyone that this is not you, James. I'd offer a compromise. You're then just paying a fine and be on parole for some time.” Steve sat up to his full size.

“Sir, with _all due respect_. Buc- _James_ hasn't done that, like hell he will take it upon himself ending up on any blacklist across the country having put a stamp to him.” "James, what are you thinking to that?" McKenzie was a bit puzzled. Usually young clients like James Barnes were coming with their parents or an older sibling or maybe a partner. Steve had been introduced to him as 'a friend' and acted like the proverbial lion father! Bucky frowned:

“I don't know, the video is really a downer, I haven't thought of it to be that bad. The guy's even wearing one of my favorite jackets!” "Spooky, isn't it?" Steve agreed. "Can we have a copy of the clip?" "Yes, of course, it is at our free disposal." The attorney was still completely flabbergasted about the help in the case he had had in his mailbox that morning. Lots of tips and tricks, signed _A patron of James Barnes'_ ... Well, the boy was gay and very attractive, maybe he was having a lover proficient with law (some sugardaddy, McKenzie suspected, lawyer, for sure).

Bucky was watching the short video again and again. In the end, himself almost believed in it to be real. Some tiny glimpse was wrong, but he couldn't figure it out. Steve sent the clip to his father and he put Jarvis on it. The A.I. found the tiny thing that was wrong. Shoe size 39. Calculated 72,000 times and based on 34,000 parameters, regarding sole thickness, shaft width, camera angle, optical illusions and much more, which only Jarvis could inspire, the A.I. always came to the same result: shoe size 39. Bucky's shoe size was 44 and it was completely impossible to force 44-sized feet into 39-sized shoes! Tony sent the result to his son. Steve trusted his dad and his A.I. blindly, sending Bucky a message.

“Check on the feet in the clip! Much too small.” Bucky did so and then he left his house going straight to the French embassy. On his way he bought a bouquet of flowers from Tesco. To charm the maid who opened was no problem. Such a good-looking, polite young man knowing Mademoiselle from school, playing soccer with Mademoiselle! Of course zis would be a sweet surprise. The girl led him upstairs showing him the door to Mademoiselle's room.

When Pauline unsuspectingly opened at his knock, he forced her inside, duped as she was, pushing the door behind him with his foot. A silence, thick with tension, was spreading in the luxurious room. "For you." Bucky spoke first, holding out the flowers and not breaking eyes contact to her somewhat uncertain look. "When a gay man suddenly gives you flowers," Pauline finally replied weakly. "How have you done it - and more importantly, why?" Bucky looked her in the eyes wildly, them being very much like his own, bright, a stormy gray when in stress, like now and definitely baby blue when everything was fine. But nothing was fine at the moment. "Answer me!" Bucky'd got a little louder.

"What do you want?", The French girl had regained a little of her composure. "Are you in love with Steve?" This was the most pressing question for Bucky. Pauline blinked in surprise. "You want to know _zat_ of all _?_ " "Oh yeah! Because then, if so, if you do, I can at least understand you.” The girl was shrinking slightly. "No." Bucky took a deep breath. "Understand. Then you are just a _bitch_.” Pauline took the insult without batting an eyelid.

“Do you know what you've provoked with what? What you've done with it? You're ruining me, why? What for? For a childish high school teen game?” “I 'aven't wanted to ruin you. I've just wanted to win.” "And you're thinking you can only do so when you're getting me out of the way?" Bucky urged, shaking his head in disbelief. "Yes. I've overshot ze mark, i guess," Pauline replied simply. Bucky snorted. "Huh. Don't you have any other tricks in your bag?” "Yes, of course, lots of, and normally zey are working quite easy on men, but not on Steven." “There is one man not into you and you are freaking out like a psychopath? Girl, that's pretty self-absorbed and vain, as like you'd need that. ”

“Steven is ze most interesting boy in ze whole school! The only ozer interesting boy is gay.” Bucky raised his eyesbrows at that. “Everyone else is like zis ... ”, she made a very French derogatory gesture. "So what? Then go out and meet someone. There are tons of stunning men in New York, I know what I'm talking about!” "I ... 'ate it, to 'ave to be in America," she said, her head hanging, suddenly she looked quite sad. “I 'ave a lot of friends in Paris. And Bertrand is zere. 'e's broken up wiz me. 'e 'asn't wanted a long-distance relationship. I want 'im back! I love 'im! If 'e'd find out about me dating a millionaire... zen, I don't know... ”

“That's bullshit! With that, that way, you won't win a man back. With this you're only offending and hurting him pushing him away from you.” She looked up in surprise, was Bucky really trying to help her now? After she was acting on him so badly? He was no longer looking that mad, no longer glancing at her disparagingly. He at least wasn't _showing_ no more contempt. The weakness she had given in on in front of him seemingliy was calming him down. The truth she hadn't the slightest clue about, was:

Bucky had just realized what the girl had actually told him. The fact that Steve hadn't responded to this beautiful girl, even though she clearly was showing him her interest, could only mean he seriously loved someone else and Pauline obviously was convinced that was Bucky! He could have kissed her - no, not really. She was still a bitch. But his mood had increased significantly, and now he had some justified hope of getting off that nasty prank's horrifying consequences with no more than a fright.

“Let's go to ze police station. I'm confessing all of zis. It's gone way too far,” Pauline said at that very moment. Bucky briefly closed his eyes in relief. "Thank you," he whispered. "De rien. I 'ave to. Zis is my duty.” She pulled out a large bag from under the bed letting Bucky have a look inside: upper body prostheses, a Bucky Barnes costume and a wig. “We'd better take zat wiz us. I don't want ze police zink you've charmed me into zat confesssion. You're razer pretty after all.”, She winked at him. Bucky sneered: "They've searched my cell phone for an hour and a half, they know I have nothing to offer you." Pauline's face suddenly darkened.

“I'm really regretting all of zis. We could 'ave been friends, we're 'aving so much in common ” she whispered sadly. Bucky snorted. “Soccer, Drama and Steve. Yes, a lot of common interests.” Bucky replied dryly. They went to his Pick-Up. “What's that meaning for you? Are you going to be in a lot of trouble?” “I 'ave diplomatic immunity. I'm going to get away wiz a warning. If I'm lucky, Papa will send me back to Paris.” They went to the police station in silence. Pauline told the whole story, putting on the prostheses, the clothes typical of Bucky and the wig. Then she explained how to put on make-up to resemble someone like she did resemble Bucky in the surveillance camera feed. She'd even had a picture of herself in full Bucky gear. He was just shaking his head again when he saw it. _Incredible._

Two hours later, she signed the confession and Bucky was a free man! He was taking the classmate home. "I'm not going to tell Steve," Bucky stated with their goodbye. “I don't know what he's doing with this information, as he's having that pronounced sense of justice. But I just want to be left alone. I want to leave that story behind and focus on my senior year.” "Zis is more zan I deserve!" “Without a doubt. I'm also asking you to make some different friends. Please be no longer hanging out with us at lunch. You are very popular, you're gonna be successful. I hope you understand that." "Bien sur." “And we are no longer competitors, that's granted, alright? We're in the same soccer team, together we can be really good and, honest-to-God, please! Do no longer sabotage my theater project. I need that for my college application. Can you do that?" "Yes, Bucky, I promise." "Well, good. Thanks."

The next day he told Steve he had allowed his lawyer to correspond with his mother and they had found a neighbor who unquestionably identified him as a weekend guest in Providence, Rhode Island, plus the indication that the dealer's feet were far too small. The record had been withdrawn. Steve cheered happily and very relieved. He invited Bucky for dinner downtown on Friday evening, that had to be celebrated!

Dr Strange emailed all students stating James Barnes had been wrongfully suspected and reported and he would not be tolerating any rumors going around the school. A flaming admonition, not too quickly, too headless and without thinking drawing conclusions and blowing up meaningless gossip, put the finishing touch to the mail. Bucky got a bunch of wildly fluttering butterflies in his stomach about Dr Strange doing this for him. _What a man!_

Dinner with Steve in the city was fantastic. They went to a posh Vietnamese restaurant, for which both had dressed up in shirts and ties. Bucky had even combed his hair back into a neat adult hairstyle. You just couldn't go to an expensive restaurant with out-of-bed hair.

"Cheers!", The non-alcoholic champagne Steve had insisted on was tasting like the most expensive soda in the world. "Ypo!" "What was that? Russian? I thought it was called _Nastrovje_. ” "Everyone thinks so, but it's wrong." "You learn something new each day." "Would be way cooler, though, too bad." “Yes, too bad. What are you wearing for Halloween?” "The mad hatter's been fantastic, I'm gonna recycle it." _Oh shit_ , Steve thought, Halloween party with a monster boner in his pants. He would probably best disguise as a monk. Nobody would notice anything under a cowl. "And you?" "Monk?" "What?" Bucky blurted out, looking quizzically amused, "Total waste. If I had a body like yours, I would dress up as a gladiator or a fireman!” “One's too nude, other's too uncomfortable. Not my cuppa." _What a pity..._

“Are you planning on a project for the end of trimester in Social Sciences?” "Yes! I've developed an idea with Sam. We'd like to offer a government club for the lower years, appointing posts among the members and provide them with fictious money. Then we're gonna bomb them with difficulties. Hurricanes, political scandals, school shootings, the usual.” "Yes, unfortunately." Steve nodded sadly. "I't s a wild country." "Fucked." "Sometimes. What are you saying? Is that a good project? ” Steve was hanging on Bucky's lips, he really needed this praise!

"That's supposed to be pretty good, yeah! It's a shame that it's only for lower classes, Id have participated!” “Thanks, Bucky. I think I have to get a little more involved in senior year. My situation is very comfortable, I know. You know, to be able to pay for Columbia out of petty cash and having good grades in the relevant subjects for my desired degree programs. But a little modesty won't hurt, I guess. There are so many having to work so hard ... ” _like you_ wasn't spoken out but to have it hanging between them made Bucky feeling very warm. He knew Steve was doing this for him to not be so overwhelmed and stressed out alone. _I love you punk so much …_

“That's very decent of you, Stevie. You're pretty damn decent for a rich guy like this,” he was smirking. “Stop it. We are all just raised well for rich kids, that's all. 100 percent of my earnings're going to my parents.” “Don't be so humble! You are a wonderful person!" "Do you think so? Many think of me as pompous, you're telling me regularly, by the way.” “You are passionate about your principles. That's good! Teasing you for your pompous manner is my job as your best friend!” "So are you around to be grounding me, so to speak?" Steve smiled.

"Me? Grounding anyone?” Bucky giggled, “I'm a gay boy in New York, with a lot more designer jackets and tight pants than principles, you can be dead sure on that!” "Even if you may have only few principles, they are at least exactly the right ones," Steve replied seriously, looking him straight in the eye. Bucky caught his breath. "D-do you really think so?", He sounded a little squeaky to his own ears. "Of course. What are you thinking of your Bhan Xeo? Is it good?” Bucky was tasting the Vietnamese crepe filled with shrimps for the first time today.

"It's delicious, would you like to have a bite?" "I'm swapping for a rice cookie, okay?" "Agreed." Steve held out one of his spring onion rice biscuits to him to bite some piece off. Which was completely unnecessary, he could have just put it on Bucky's plate instead of feeding it to him. Bucky was just fine with it and he took a bite without taking his eyes off Steve's face. He looked at his mouth, his own slightly open, eyelids lowered a little.

"Wonderful!" Bucky breathed. He couldn't be feeding his crepe very well, which annoyed him a little. He parted a piece off with his chopsticks for Steve to put it on his plate, but he leaned forward, opening his mouth a little. Bucky was getting a little putty, especially in his brain, while he was getting pretty hard in another place of his body. He shoved the bite into Steve's mouth watching his tongue snaking around the chopsticks, skilfully pulling the bite off ... here, that was some gourmet porn! Was Steve doing this on purpose? He could hardly imagine it with him, but he hoped so though.

"Tis a dream," Steve breathed after swallowing. He was glancing at Bucky so intense and challenging that he felt dizzy with arousal quickly reaching for his glass like a lifeline. _Fuck! Steve's clearly doing it all on purpose! Am I supposed to say something about it? Am I expeted to be flirting with him, hitting on him? No .. I can't do that, Steve has to take the first step. I don't want to be the creepy gay friend who's throwing himself at his friends._ "I should have tasted them way earlier, I think they are my latest favourit!" He remarked instead. Steve looked a little disappointed for a moment before changing the subject.

"What are your class doing for the Christmas party?" They were responsible. “I want a photo booth!” "That's so 90s ..." "That's pure fun! You go in, drawing the curtains and everyone outside can only see your legs. You either are totally goofy or a little sexy! It's exciting! And you're getting bad pictures without any filters. See: great fun! ”, Bucky enthused with sparkly eyes and his wonderful rare-spent honest smile was enlightening his whole features, making him literally glow. “As you describe it like that, that's even true!” Steve laughed. “I'm also putting some of the freshmen in elves' costumes and they are supposed to deliver messages. You can buy little golden notes, label them, and send them off via an elf.

“What's the raised money donated to this time?” All of the proceeds from the Christmas party would go to charity as every year. “This year, the money's for the NYC rescue stations. Some of them are having defibrillators in their vehicles, which are 20 years old, a scandal. There are so good new devices automatically tuning the right heart massage rate to the current surges.” "Good choice." Steve suddenly giggled to himself. "What?"

"My parents're gonny send each other a hundred golden pieces of paper to be flirting for a good cause." Bucky smiled broadly. "What they're having is simply ..." he was shaking his head, embarrassed at words. "Anything you could ask for." "Yes." They were staring deep into each other's eyes, silent for a some minute. Their main courses were served, interrupting the moment. They feasted on their fantastic food raving about it for quite a while. Both ultimately decided against dessert. Steve because he thought he couldn't dare and Bucky out of loyalty.

Steve took Bucky home. On the trip they were listening to loud music, Disney songs, singing along, in two voices, so to speak, named: loud and wrong. They were having a great time.

Once at Bucky's, Steve turned off the motor glancing over at him. "Was this a nice evening for you?" "Are you kidding? It was awesome! Thanks for that." "You're welcome. I'm so glad you've gotten out of this mess so quickly and smooth.” “I've been innocent, remember? In the end, justice would've won. ” Steve said nothing. "Steven!" Bucky voice showed hurting, "So you've considered, if only briefly ... I can't believe it!" "I'm sorry, Bucky! I've let myself be influenced! Dad had a couple of arguments making me shaken and... ” Steve fell silent. "And what? What else?"

"Pauline's been also very worried telling me exactly the same." Bucky's heart dropped into his ankle boots, so to speak. He felt cold. And he knew for sure, a little while longer here in Steve's car, he would be crying, never again being able to stop. _Time to go._ "I'm going in, okay? I have to study a little more.” This upbeat mood change conjured the super sexy Steve line between his eyebrows up, of course, but Bucky forced himself to look away.

"Ookaay ..." Steve answered stretched and Bucky got out of the car, quickly bringing himself to the bleak security of his home. There he threw himself on his bed crying a bit, then he recapitulated the wonderful evening. A romantic dinner he was fantasizing about doing more often, then suddenly he had to cry again. Then he recalled the 'feeding moment' again, becoming rock hard , jerking off hastily until he came violently with Steve's name on his lips. What a wild ride and roller coaster of emotions. _Stevie, finally take the first step! I'm dying in here!_ And then he put Muse' _Endlessly_ on loop on his phone spending hours on pining for Steve – he'd be loving him endlessly!


	53. Steve has a Mission

**Steve on a mission**

Pauline kept word joining other people for lunch every day after that significant evening. Steve and Bucky were together with Sam, Sharon, T'Challa and Shuri. "Have you listed all the posts for our club?" Sam asked. "Roger!" T'Challa threw in interestedly: “Which club?” They explained it and he thought it was fantastic. Shuri, watching Bucky, was very satisfied. The 'White Wolf', as she liked to call him, because he so often pulled off such a lone-wolf-struggling act, looked so happy and relaxed devouring Steve with his stares ... It was working, obviously. And Steve? Swaggering about his project his eyes flickered over and over to Bucky and his facial expression becoming soft while doing so. _Get this thing finally settled, boys_ Shuri thought, _It's gotten a bit exhausting to watch, to be honest!_

After lunch, Bucky went to musical rehearsals. The performance was coming to a close. He only had a small vocal role as Harry, just the one song with the other maybe-Dads and Sophie, so he was mostly watching, taking notes, recording scenes for reference for his classmates. Nobody was ever asking him about his arrest. Dr Strange was a wizard!

Costume rehearsal two days later turned all into nervous wrecks close to collapse. Janet tore her super-trouper show costume tugging on it while changing, Kyle as Sky sprained his ankle as he jumped off the table in the party scene, and was immediately taken to the paramedics. Michelle, playing Donna's snazzy friend Tanja, was catching a cold as it looked, and to make matters worse, the BARF - projector had a bug Bucky couldn't get rid of. Without it, they'd lack nearly the whole of backgrounds, not being able to paint the sceneries for the picturesque area or the boat scene on backdrop walls in two days. He sent a message to Steve:

“Can you come to the auditorium after lessons? It's an emergency."

"Of course!"

Steve arrived in the auditorium less than a minute after the bell, looking around finding Bucky at the media board desk with Billy and Denise, all three of them bending over the laptop. He quickly ran there, having no eyes for anyone but Bucky. "Hey! What's happened?" "Steve!" Bucky called. "Can you take on the BARF - projector and ask your dad to fix it?" Steve nodded: "Sure!" Bucky pushed the small but heavy box into his hand. "Good. Tell him the CPU is constantly overloaded and the mainframe no longer recognizing the slot for the external memory card. Also tell him I've already checked the processor performance in the BIOS while optimizing the basic operating system. And..."

"Bucky!" Steve interrupted the flow of speech. "I do not understand a single word. Do you understand him?” Denise, also in IT grinned: "Every word." Billy was kind enough to shake his head. “Come with me, then you can talk to Dad yourself. I'm going to screw this up.” Bucky's expression closed. "I'm sending you my notes to your cell phone so your dad can check them." Steve gave in, frowning, but that was not something he wanted to address in front of the Drama class people. "Oookaaay," he said stretched and Bucky looked at him gratefully.

Turning to the class, he clapped his hands loudly, calling: “Sweeties! Mr Tony Stark's gonna fix the projector for us, calm your tits. Janet, please calm down now! Babs, can you fix it?” Janet still was sobbing a little over the torn costume on which Babs was working with needle and thread. "Certainly, if _someone_ isn't bothering me anymore," the latter muttered. "I'm shutting up already." Bucky grinned, "What are we doing if Kyle's ankle is sore? Who could be supposed to play Sky?” "Isn't a big vocal role, why aren't you doing Harry _and_ Sky?" Denise called. Bucky's eyes darted to Pauline, who was immersed in her phone on the edge of the auditorium. Acting her fiancé? Definitely not..

“I have to control the BARF - projector all evening, that's why I haven't asked for a bigger role. One of you girls can take over Sky in the event. Fancy anyone? ” "I'm doing it!" Babs called absently. "I love you. Just keep on sewing!” Bucky chuckled. She stuck her tongue out at him. Bucky was raising his voice: “Okay, now listen! We're using the last day before the big evening for everyone to calm down. We've worked hard and everyone's doing a pretty decent job. Lousy dress rehearsal - good performance, everyone's knowing that.” The whole class cheered on him nodding enthusiastically and then all of them left one after one. Steve was staring at Bucky with admiration. He was the leader here, sure thing. "Steve!" Bucky called, "Why are you still there? Go home, the fucking thing needs to be fixed. I'm sending you the data.” Still under the spell of Bucky's authority, Steve toddled off in an instant.

At home he went straight to the workshop, knocked and entered. Peter was sitting in his play area with Friday, having a cat fishing rod dancing in front of her face. His dad was up to his elbows in a complicated looking device made of chrome, glass and some other material Steve could not identicate, looking at him expectantly: “Steve! How's school been?” “Deeve! Playin with Fhiday! ” "Hi Peter! Friday's definitely happy. I can see that. Go on, she's waiting.” Then he went to his father putting the BARF - box on the small work table next to him.

"Dad. Why is Bucky no longer feeling welcome at ours?” Tony blinked. Then, with measured movements, he pulled his arms out of the apparatus, put down a wrench, sitting up. "Has he said that?" “He hasn't said _anything_. But he hasn't come here for weeks and today he's asked me to give you the school's BARF-box. He's wanted me to tell you a million things about it I don't understand. When I've told him to come along so he'd be able explaining you much better, he's gotten really weird. I do not understand that. Has something happened at Stark internship? ”

"Have you never asked him why he's not coming anymore?" Steve blushed a little. "I have. He says he believes to be annoying you.” Tony took a deep breath. "Have you ever said anything like that to him, Dad?" "Steve ... I haven't. Bucky might just need a little ... distance“ he said carefully. It wasn't his business to tell Steve about the drugs, least of all after the crazy story a few days ago. The thing dissipating so strangely quickly, incredibly quickly. _Distance?_ Steve's complexion darkened a little more. So his dad sensed Bucky's feelings for him and ... maybe he was right! Maybe Bucky simply avoided Tony Stark to protect himself. That was making sense! Tony noticed his son no longer was looking so confused, rather a little unhappy now, as if a little heart-broken. _What?_ He'd have to think about that later.

"What's wrong with the projector?" Steve took his cell phone out of his pocket and opened Bucky's jargon, showing it to his dad. Tony read through everything. _Wow_. In IT, Bucky was a real cracker! “I'm looking at it, but after Bucky trying everything possible I would have tried too, I think the device is simply irreparably defective. If I can't manage it, we're donating a new one to the school.” "Thanks, Dad." Steve went out of the workshop with his shoulders drooping. Tony glanced after him thoughtfully. What was making his son so miserable? Then he was dealing with the projector, which was actually broken, irreparably. Tony thought Bucky might have gotten him on track otherwise. Bucky Barnes would be a great mechanic!

Bucky had the brand new S.E.N.F. projector under control and the performance was a resounding success. Kyle's ankle was not injured after all, so it was fully resilient a day later and everyone was brilliant. Steve was enraptured by Bucky's short but beautiful solo Harry, the buttoned-up gay banker who was touched by memories of an easier time, gave with a guitar, singing 'Thank You For The Music'. That was his personal highlight. After the musical, the audience had opportunity to slender around, doing small talk at standing tables, watching the exhibitions on Abba or 'Musical technology then and now' which were part of the performance.

Steve got involved in a conversation with T'Challa and his fiancée Nakia, although he really wanted to go to Bucky, but his good manners kept him at the table. Pepper had a nice chat with Peter Quill's grandfather, who was strong enough today to take part in such an event, his grandson at his side, who was lovingly caring for him. Tony looked around, making a half-dodge so as not to be seen by Thanos Titan, and couldn't find Bucky anywhere in the crowd. But he really wanted to talk to him. He suspected the boy in the catacombs heading for there. He found him in the cloakroom, tidying up, carefully hanging up the gorgeous costumes of Donna and her friends' show impromptu.

"Don't you want to be celebrated a bit like everyone else?" Bucky started, whirling around on the heel. “M-mr Stark! I ... Has Steve told you we've been very grateful for the new projector? ” "Of course he has. By the way, you're welcome. That's been a very nice performance. Usually musicals are not my favorite, but when I can see you young people putting so much work and dedication into it, that's something special.” "Thank you, sir." "Bucky, would you like to tell me how you've got out of that drugs story so quickly?" "I do not know what you mean. The indication and evidence ... ”

“Bucky. The two boys having gotten that stuff are 15 and 16. Selling drugs to kids as young as this is generally overly pedantically obeserved and isn't usually going just so smoothly as there hasn't been another suspect apart from you. The NY police and the district attorny usually don't want people to be thinking, they can't keep drug dealers from selling their children intoxicating substances. So please, if you'd like, would you tell me what's happened? Let's say, there's more behind the story and I'm a natural born curious smart aleck.” He winked with a genuine smile on his lips. Bucky swallowed, thinking quickly. He didn't want Steve to be sent on a guilt trip...

"Mr Stark, with all due respect, Sir. I'd rather would not. But If you're insisting out of concern over the wellbeings of your family, I guess, I'd have to comply.” Tony was deeply impressed by his honesty and graceful dignity. “Very well then. I'm respecting your wish. And convinced as I am of the fact, you're not trying to hide something from me because you are frightened but out of your heart-felt sense of duty regarding to have to blame and tell on someone who's not around to defend themself. That's quite noble, my boy. But keep in mind one thing: Your deep innate decency may be in vain with some people you're going to meet throughout life.” Bucky was flabbergasted by the earnest praise about his character and personality. Then he jumped, taking a deep breath. Mr Stark had felt silent several moments ago.

“Thank you, Sir, honestly. I'm grateful from the bottom of my heart for your understanding and rebuilt trust in me. I'm actually really not frightened of you, knowing you as a fair-minded and well-considering person. I've done nothing wrong and I'm aware of you being capable to see through any fishy attempt of mine to delude you. Not only this. Furthermore I'm pretty sure your every doubt about me being innocent or guilty you'd perfectly be able to uncover. So why would I bother to try lying to you?” “But you have done so once, haven't you?” Bucky started. He went pale staring at Tony Stark's open friendly face. “I also believe I've drawn the wrong conclusions a few weeks ago. Steven was not in overly pleasant company at the time, to put it politely. Those haven't been your pills, have they?” Bucky went even paler, hanging his head ...

Bucky dared a quick glance. Mr Stark was looking a little heart-broken, he was deep in thought but not in the slightest spotting the reproachful scorn Bucky was used to from his own father and scared as hell of.

"No. Sir. Them pills haven't been mine.“, Bucky broke the silence in a low voice not clarifying anything more. Tony Stark nodded in a somewhat resigned manner asking „But you do think that's a thing in the past, all of that, don't you?“ Bucky perfectly aware of what the man was talking about gave a consoling little smile. „That I'm sure of, Mr Stark.“ „I'm taking your word for granted knowing you're better-informed and closer to the actions than I could ever be. Thank you, Bucky.“ „What for, Sir?“ „For being Steve's friend. And I have to apology for having been prejudicing you. I want to welcome you back in my family if it's something you're wishing for.“ Tony's heart warmed up in a pleasant way from witnessing the deep heart-felt joy showing on Buckys handsome features. The boy was beaming with delight, radiating happiness and refief. „There's nothing else in the world, I'm wishing for more, Sir! Thank you!“ Tony having a glimpse of the fact this wasn't entirely the truth but very much close enough to it, smiled broadely.

„Mrs Stark and I are going to bumble about in the kitchen a bit with Peter on Sunday. Fancy to join us for lunch? The food's going to be terrible but I guess, the company is making up for this.“ Bucky let out a giggle, clearing his throat and answerded: „I'd love to, Mr Stark. Thanks a lot.“ „You're welcome, my boy. Now get out of here and be congratulated on your good work! Chop chop!“ With that, Tony left the dressing room leaving one happy Bucky Barnes smiling widely like an idiot.

The second soccer game of the New York Senior Soccer Championship took place in the same week and the coach had put Bucky and Scott in the starting line-up. Bucky had missed a few friendly matches because of his injury. Scott wasn't as good as Pauline or Bucky, but he made up for with team-friendly play and Bucky did his best to make him looking good. They'd ended with a draw and were now 8th in line for the cup, but the championship would be going until the end of the school year.

Bucky also had to take an extremely tricky trial Maths exam a week later which was given him back with a big fat C and the obligatory 'See me after class'-note on it. He was devastated. Halloween was ten days ahead and then there were only six weeks of classes left until intermediate exams were due. He texted Steve in the afternoon:

“ _Can I come over? I have to compare my Science notes. There are gaps in mine, I think._ ”

Steve stared at the message. Bucky wanted to visit him? At home? He was delighted texting back:

"Anytime!", Half an hour later, Jarvis let him in and when he knocked on Steve's door, he was about to clear out. "What are you doing? Moving?” Bucky grinned. "Decluttering." "Is that applying to your closet, too?" Bucky mocked him. "There's nothing wrong with the contents of that. you jerk. My clothing style is widely suitable," Steve countered with much dignity. "For a middle-aged teacher?" “Stop it. What is this about your Science notes? Aren't you paying attention in class?“ Steve laughed. "Henderson's making it too easy." "Then let's get to work."

“Wait, what the hell ...? I don't think you've saved that! ”, Bucky had discovered something he had given Steve once on a pile. It was one of his really tasteless Christmas presents, he had to admit. A porcellain figurine representing two pigs spotting Santa hats in underwear which to top it all had their hands deep down each other's said underwear! And that year Steve had given Bucky the racing bike saddle he'd really wanted!

"It's been a gift," Steve replied matter-of-factly. "A rather shitty and horrible gift!" Bucky snorted. Steve shrugged. "It's been from you." “I'm always giving out the worst presents. An Aloha shirt from tadaa: Hawaii or stuff like this!” “I've liked the typewriter and the key pendant. You are getting better." "I've got a good teacher." Steve was great at giving out gifts. In his family, they have always valued thoughtful presents. Steve was beaming from the praise. "What are you giving your family this year?" Bucky had a fantastic present for Steve this year, an expansion for his interactive history simulation software: _Captain Brooklyn_.

"What about Science?" Bucky sighed. “You're right, work comes first. Show me your notes. But I'm asking you to get rid of the stupid Christmas pigs.” Steve had no intention of that at all, he'd never throw out a gift from Bucky ... nevertheless he grunted: "Of course, they are really shit." Comparing their Science notes, Bucky chuckled. “Are you underlining all headings with a ruler and noting the date on the edge? You _are_ a nerd.” “Shut up, jerk. Is that helping you now or not?” Steve muttered. "Sure, I'm glad to have you punk." Bucky took pictures of Steve's notes, page after page. "Have you ever taken notes yourself at all?" Steve asked sternly. Bucky was smiling angelically.

“I'm throwing my scrawl away using your script from now on for studying. It's a smart strategy.” “You're lucky I like you that much. Some people are paid for letting copy their classmates, you know that, don't you?” “Yeah, _nerds_ are.” As he wasn't getting an answer for this, Bucky paused to look at Steve, the challenging expression and mischievously flashing eyes were setting his whole body on fire. "What would I have to pay a millionaire ..." he uttered fleetingly. "I'm sure I can think of something," Steve answered seriously. Bucky froze. _Say something, dipshit, otherwise he thinks you're making something of it._

"I'm taking care of your cell phone settings whenever you are helpless, deal?" Steve was silent for a moment, then: "Deal." His voice was deep, sounding a bit like a purr. Bucky got a little hard from it. Getting to the last page of Steve's notes he pocketed his phone. "Fancy me helping you here?" Bucky looked around the piles of chaos. “Nah, just leave be. I'm doing it tomorrow. Would you like going downtown, hanging out somewhere?” "Like where?" "Oh ... I'm only 17, what are the options..." "Whom are you telling this ... Nowhere to go under the age of 21, at least nowhere, where's cool.“

"Have you been to Webster Hall before? People are getting in there aged 18." "Once. Well, it's okay. Good music fore dancing, but ... people like me are not going there that much, so I haven't been back again.” "There's anywhere to go at 18 when you ...when you're ..." "Gay? Just say it, Stevie!" Bucky called. "When you're gay," Steve repeated firmly. Bucky thought for a moment, then: "There's the 'Posh', you can get in aged 18 if it's not too crowded."

"Fancy to go?" Bucky frowned. "You _aren't_ 18 and ... Are you serious?" "I've come along with you to Pride Day, so why not?" "You are not 18 yet." "There are options," Steve answered casually. "Steve!" Bucky cried out in surprise, "You're meaning what I think you are?" "Bucky, don't act the innocent. Everyone's having a fake ID!” "Everyone except me, I guess." "You are already 18 ... after all."

Steve had a mission. If he and Bucky went to a place where it was casual and normal for men to be together, then maybe ... And it would certainly help himself, too, He might have the courage to touch Bucky and in such a way that he was understanding or even he could dare to kiss him! He had been so close so often losing courage the last moment. But when they went dancing in a bar or club with other couples who ... _queer_ couples and ... Steve was dreaming to himself.

"Earth to Steve!" Bucky called pulling him back. "Are you sure you punk want to get a fake ID?" Steve shifted a little uneasily. Actually, he didn't like the idea of an illegal action like this at all, but ... He just didn't know what to do anymore. How was he going to take what was safe between him and Bucky to the next level? He was ready to take desperate measures.

"I'm doing it," Steve said firmly. "But then the right way. I want to go to a real club, with you, in other words a queer club for people aged 21 up, where we can have a drink and don't have to feel like children and you're feeling good because there are other gay men." Bucky was staring at him. "Steve!" He finally caught up again. "We can easily turn you into an 18-year-old, but how in the world should we be taken for being over 21?" "Everyone's managing!" Steve cried out, "you can't tell the difference or say with certainty how old someone is." Bucky glanced over at Steve's baby-like skin and his features, still a bit softened by baby fat despite the striking basic shape. But he couldn't tell him, could he? That would surely offend, or even worse, hurt him. Steve was looking so cute and innocent ... he wouldn't want to hear _that_ now.

"You're right. You really can't tell.” he replied instead, as honestly as he could. Steve looked very happy. "And it is difficult with you anyway, because you're always dressed like this ... I mean you're dressing so special, that's distracting." "What do you mean?" Bucky wanted to know. „For sure not the way stating it as 'dressing gay', so just you know.“ Bucky bursted out with laughter. „I AM dressing gay! No single boy in school is as well dressed as me. Don't you hurt my feelings there, punk!“

Steve was laughing with relief, Bucky hadn't taken it the wrong way, _phew_. “Nobody at Sanctuary's dressing like you, you're right. That's outstanding. And surely you're not looking like a high school teen.“ „And that without even having spent as much time in the closet as other gay boys.”, He grinned. "Well, you've had to come out there. Not even for a twiggy boy like you there's no space left in your crammed closet," laughed Steve. “A-hem”, Bucky's glare was shooting daggers, but soon he had to giggle again, in the end Steve was right. Then he got serious. "So, are we going to get those ID's?" “Well, yes?” Bucky hesitated ... Then asked somehow uncertain: "What's the reason behind this?"

“I want to go have fun with you. To a place where you're feeling comfortable and where you can be yourself. Pride Day was fantastic, you were happy and relaxed and I want you to be again. I want to support you even more than I've already done, which of course has been far too little so far, I know. Bucky. You are my best friend and such an immensely important person in my life. Let me do that for you.” _Oh!_ Some Steven Stark speech, Bucky became a bit butterfly-y and light and daisy-ish from it - was that even a word at all? No matter. "Okay ...", Bucky could only breathe. Steve beamed, then his smile crumbled.

"Uh ... how do you do that, how do you get those?" Bucky thought for a moment: "I think I can do it." "If one, then you!", Steve nodded with conviction and with this expectant remark he convinced Bucky. The next day he started using StarkImaginery, the picture editing program for Stark devices and a 3D printer software including the perfect device to produce fake IDs during SI internship. Everything for his Stevie. _Everything_. And because he worked on this task all week, Bucky wasn't studiying one minute for school ending up receiving only a B in trial exam in IT of all things. He was grieving only briefly because he was so fullfilled from Steve.

Steve who wanted to go to a gay club with him, Steve who wanted to be near him like a freezing child to the oven, Steve who kept sending him not-so-subtle-anymore signals and Steve who sometimes was looking at him with starry eyes …

Thursday the following week, he had finally successed in making satisfactory false IDs texting Steve:

“ _Tomorrow we're having a night out. But I'm gonna decide what you're wearing. I am to be seen with you after all._ ”

“ _I'm not going to put on your uncomfortably tight pants again! :p_ ”

" _I'm there a little earlier looking what your closet has to offer - with little hope._ "

Steve snorted amused reading that. _Jerk. Sweet, wonderful, sexy bastard of a jerk._

" _My dressing style is perfectly fine._ " " _Let me have a look over anyway._ " " _This one time._ " " _Maybe it's the crucial time._ " Steve stopped. " _I have a reputation to lose. :p_ “, Bucky sent afterwards.

On Friday, Bucky showed Steve their ID's in a lonely corner. "Wow. You've done that?“ „Well, I had good technical equipment.” Bucky, despite his modesty, was pleased with the admiration on Steve's face. "Where are we going?" "Don't know yet, I've never been to a real club. Got some in my bookmarks that're looking good. We're going through them together afterwards.” The bell was ringing making them hurrying away in different directions.

"Hey, Peggy," he puffed out breathlessly, settling in the bench just in time when Professor Banks came into the Maths lab. Shaking her head disapprovingly straightening out her papers, books and calculator. Bucky pulled a ruler out of his backpack and pretended to measure the space between her stuff. He got an elbow push and she hissed, "Now watch out, silly billy." Bucky tried his best, but his thoughts had been wandering back and forth to Steve more and more badly than usual for days. Today is the evening. Today I'm telling him. A sarcastic "Am I boring you, Mr. Barnes?" suddenly startled him from his reverie.

Mr. Banks looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Excuse me, sir." "So where do you think I have to start the vector to roughly determine the distance from points D and F?" Bucky blushed and felt hot and cold at the same time. He swallowed, "I don't know, sir.“ „That's no miracle, Mr Barnes, you're not paying attention.“ „Sorry, sir." The teacher just glared at him again over his glasses turning to the class with the question. Some hands went up. Bucky felt bad and tried to listen better from now on. The ringing at the end of the hour was to him like angels' singing.

"What's wrong with you?" Peggy asked packing up. "I think I'm getting a cold," Bucky lied. "Then get out of my circles with your viruses, chop chop!" Bucky might have felt some comfort in knowing about Steve having had an equally gruesome Latin class. His low point was when he misquoted Aesop and instead of correctly translate "complacency can lead to self-destruction" into Latin he was ranting about self-satisfaction in Latin which easily can be mixed up with masturbation. That was the highlight of the morning for Professor Quinton and the rest of class. By the way, Steve's reinterpretation later would make it into the yearbook and was never forgotten.

During lunch break, both of them were sitting at the table with hanging shoulders, a bit bummed, while T'Challa, Sam and Sharon were chattering cheerfully. Shuri was with Nebula and the shrill clique around her. Thor was there too. He boomed into the group: “Everyone's coming to me for Halloween. Pops's always decorating the house incredibly and we can first go for a round of trick-or-treating and then have a party.” "I'm going to the school party with T'Challa," Shuri regretted. Quill looked questioningly at Gamora. She always decided on those things. Gamora was in junior and could be taking Quill to the school party if she wanted to. She said graciously: "I'm considering it." Her fickleness and indecisiveness was driving Quill crazy. "I have no idea for a costume," Nebula uttered now. "It's easy, I still have vampire teeth and a black cloak from last year, I'm borrowing you!" Thor called. Nebula made a face:

"You can't borrow teeth." "How so? They have been in my closet for almost a year, and all the bacteria on it have long since died.” "Delicious," Nebula puffed out, dead serious. Thor shrugged. "What are you going to wear?" Quill asked him. "I'm going as a Viking, and you?" “As a space adventurer, called Starlord. I can put Rocket in the astronaut's suit again, he can be my co-pilot from Outer Space!“ Gamora rolled her eyes. “And Quill absolutely wants me to give his alien bride, with green body color. It's definitely supposed to be uncomfortable!” "Green like the incredible Hulk?" her sister smirked. "Just be careful not to get me as angry as the Hulk."

"Nebula, do you want to borrow one of our Spider-Man costumes?" For Peter's third birthday, all Starks wanted to dress up as Spider-Man for his party. The costumes for it were already there. “Pete would be so happy! Sure thing!" "What if I'm getting a rip into it?" "That doesn't matter, Pop's buying a new one." Thor shrugged careless. "You're an idiot. I'm taking the cloak, getting teeth myself.” "Very well then! What about asking anyone else?” His eyes went, unnoticed as he thought, to Jane Foster, who was reading a few tables away. Of course everyone noticed. Quill could not keep his mouth shut - of course:

"If you think your little darling is coming to your funky party, you're totally off base!" He sneered. Thor looked at him hurt. Quill shrank a bit. “All smart people want to get to know my pops, maybe she would come after all.” "Do you really want her to come because of your father?" Nebula asked him doubtfully. He sighed heavily. "Oh, uh no. But one day she's going to notice me, I'm sure of it!“ "When it's snowing in hell.", Quill again. "Climate change could also have its good sides!" Thor chortled. Everyone went along.

The afternoon classes were passing faster. Steve was at debating club and Bucky actually had soccer training, a highlight of the school week for both of them. Each of them was unconcentrated today though. Bucky so bad he ran over Scott Lang on the football pitch because of a misunderstanding about a back-pass. Shaken with guilt and apologizing a thousand times, he helped him up. Scott waved it away and hobbled up and down at the edge of the field for a few minutes until it got better. Coach Davies scolded Bucky to hell and back. Could the team allow themselves to get each other injured? _Yadada_ ... think of the championship, Barnes! . _.. yadada._


	54. Jail Birds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one of my top favs! It's having a cameo, no spoilers here ;) .  
> Trigger warning: gay bashing, mention of sex work
> 
> _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Jail Birds**

After school, Bucky raced home, showered, then he was standing indescisive in front of his closet. Since he didn't know which club they would choose, the choice of clothes was a real pain. He opted for casual, not too sexy, but flattering. Black tight pants and a light blue shirt emphasizing his eyes. Steve's bracelet and his grandfather's dog tags, leather jacket, motorcycle boots. He had been too long in front of the wardrobe, changing too often, his hair, which was now almost dry, had to be washed again. Steve had texted in the meantime

“ _Hurry up, otherwise my courage's down the drain. I don't know what to wear. You have to help me!_ "

" _30 minutes to go_."

" _Hurry up!!!_ "

Bucky rolled his eyes smiling. On the way to the Starks, he 'd decided on the _Flaming Saddles_ club with his cowboy bartenders dancing on the counter sounding like fun and everything hadn't looked quite as explicit in the pictures. At least, there were no cages hanging from the ceiling with strippers in them.

There was little suitable to be found in Steve's closet. “Either you're looking like someone trying desperately to look older or like a high school student. Can't you borrow something from Thor? Such a progressive band shirt, maybe?” "Perhaps. But what do I tell him when he's asking what for?” "Let me do it, is he there?" "Think so, he wanted to tinker with his Halloween costume." Bucky came back with a shirt from the Ramones. "What have you told him?" "That I need it for theater." "Clever!" “I am just clever. Put that on with casual fit jeans and a plaid shirt, half-high boots if you have some.” Steve had some and put on everything Bucky pulled out of the closet and the Ramones shirt.

"So what do you think?" He asked Bucky when he was done. "Looking good," he nodded, "yes, gonna do. Do you have a really big watch? 'is rounding off the look.” "I've got my Dad's old Piaget." Bucky giggled. "What?" "Nothing cries out for sugarbaby more than a Piaget." "I beg your pardon?" "Think about it. Some Piaget the way your dad's wearing is worth tens of thousands of dollars. We are simple students. ”, he winked. "Somebody ought to _give_ you such a watch, as a gift, if you know what I mean." Steve blushed: "Well, better not, then."

“Steve, it can happen that someone in a club is approaching you with such an charming offer, though. Then you just politely decline, alright? Don't make a thing out of it. For some gay boys, such an arrangement is not a bad thing.” Steve nodded "Okay." Not that anyone would even glance at him twice when he was with Bucky ... He looked stunning tonight and much older than himself, if anyone was about to torpedo the plan it was Steve, definitely. They went by train, then by subway.

In the city, they strolled a bit around the harbor and the outside area of the Maritime, Aerospace and Spacecraft Museum. Steve was a bit quiet, but he was happy about Bucky's bright eyes when they were under the Concorde, he loved coming here. They had to do it again when the actual museum was not already closed. Then they went to _Pio Pio 8_ grabbing a bite. Around 9:00 p.m. they headed to the club. “Show the doorman the ID card in your open hand, they just don't feel used enough. It would be better if he didn't pick it up,” Bucky instructed Steve. "What happens if they're getting wise to us?" Steve asked a little fearfully. “Usually, you are simply sent away again. Relax and stay cool.” Bucky bit his lip to make it blush and licked it several times.

"What was that for?" Steve wondered. "Just in case. When the doorman' playing on my team, it doesn't hurt to be sexy.” The line was not long this early in the night and things were going well. The doorman looked at the ID cards in their hands and then into their faces, waving them through. Acting nonchalant, they climbed down the stairs to the club, exchanging triumphant glances and broad smirks when they reached the bottom lining up at the cloakroom. After handing in their jackets, they were leaning against a half-height wall on the edge of the dance floor watching furtively and as inconspicuously as possible.

"You wanna dance?" Steve asked. Bucky beamed at him. "Yeah, sure!" "Then go, I don't mind." "Oh, I've thought ... yeah, okay. But it's possible someone's talking to you when you're standing here all alone.” "To be asking for your number?" Steve chuckled. "Nonsense." He shrugged. “Meanwhile, I'm going to get us some drinks. Coke or iced tea?” "Ginger Ale?" "Check. See you soon!" Bucky went dancing. He was a little disappointed. But Steve was only doing this to support him after all... Steve put his Coke and the bottle of Ginger Ale down on the ledge of the wall looking for Bucky on the dance floor. _Why haven't I gone with him?_ His friend was surrounded by men dancing close to him, touching him, even on his butt. That hadn't happened on Pride Day. Everyone there had been so respectful - at least to a large extent.

Now the man who danced at Bucky's back was whispering into his ear, and Bucky smiled, clicked his tongue, Steve thought, shaking his head with polite regret on his features. He pointed vaguely in Steve's direction waving at him. Steve raised his hand in surprise, wiggled his fingers pointing to the drinks. Bucky started to move. “Thanks, Steve. What do I owe you?” He accepted his ginger ale. "Leave it alone, I'm inviting you." Bucky nodded dragging on the straw. Steve's eyes were fixed on his pursed mouth and the cola in his hand had been forgotten. "Your ice's already melted, Stevie." Bucky said. He quickly took a sip. It was almost too warm.

“Eyes on three o'clock, Steve. Purple shirt, sugarbaby.” Steve glanced furtively in the direction indicated finding a very pretty Latin American in his mid-twenties, in an expensive purple shirt, leather pants and, unmatching to his outfit, cheap, washed-out chucks. He was wearing a strikingly expensive watch. Steve looked back at Bucky, who was grinning with raised eyebrows. “The watch is a bit like a handcuff. But there are also sugardaddies not requiring faihtfulness – so I've heard at least.” "Do you think his ... _lover_ is here too?" Steve asked curiously. "No, I do not think so. Probably at home with dear wife and the cute little ones.” Steve's eyes widened.

“It's mostly married men having such an affair. Those not having the time to struggle with dating. Doesn't have to be the worst if everyone involved are aware and fine.” "Is there such a thing?" "I've heard of such tolerant wives." "Bucky ... how do you know all this?" “I'm getting around a lot in the community. I've read a lot about it and every Pride Day since 2016 I've been asked if I'm interested in a lucrative partnership.” Steve was staring with his lips slightly open. “What? When I was there with you too? ” "Yep, the fireman at the street carnival," grinned Bucky, "are you done with your Coke? Come on, dance with me.” “Right now, wait. Isn't that a bit like ... prostitution?”

Bucky looked at Steve thoughtfully, then: “No man's a sugarbaby without having the kink. And men being so generous to their lovers want their baby boy to feel good, enjoy the thing, getting off on indulging. You can't compare that to sex work. They are available in parallel and much cheaper and much less tedious. However, if you want your lover to have fun, you don't go to sex workers.”

"And you are asked regularly?" “No, only on Pride Day. When do I ever meet with potential lovers?“ "But the kink ... the … daddy kink ..." "Daddy kink, authority kink, praise kink, what ever checks the boxes, I'm not having them." „You're not into that sort of thing." Steve made sure. "I'm not. Do I strike you as a person who wants to have all their decisions taken, longing for constant praise? Or told what to _wear_?” Steve laughed, "No, definitely not, but ..." Steve twisted his empty glass between his fingers, watching himself as if it were the most interesting thing he had ever seen. He chewed on his lower lip.

"Stevie, spit it out." He looked up. "I've thought you ... because of Dr Strange, you're fancying him a bit... or ..." he didn't and the sentence with _my dad_. Bucky chortled. “I can see if a man's attractive no matter what age. It has nothing to do with each other. And I'm happy! There are so many sugarboys falling madly in love, secretly dreaming their married daddy's getting a divorce. As with some straight men and his mistress. It is not different with us. Or do you think we gay boys don't want to be loved, Stevie?” He teased.

"Of course not!" Steve said, "Well, I mean, I know it's not different." “And do you know what we gay boys also want? Dancing. That's why we've come here.”, Taking the glass from Steve, he put it on the wall with his empty bottle pulling one only weakly defending Steve to the dance floor. "Bucky ...", he protested lamely, "You know I'm dancing like a moron." "Just do what I'm doing."

And Steve did him the favor. He'd in the end persuaded Bucky to join this activity. To be with him, making sure he was in a good mood and relaxed. _You've wanted to kiss him and are showing the white feather now at a little dancing?_ Straightened his shoulders resolutely, thrusting his chin out, he concentrated on imitating Bucky's movements as best he could, the small concentrated line appearing on his forehead. Bucky was beaming with delight. Steve was feeling stared at and called out to Bucky. The music was too loud, all the loudspeakers were aimed at the dance floor, he just pulled a face shaking his head. _Don't get it._ Steve leaned forward, Bucky too, when Steve got an unintentional bump rumbling against Bucky's chest. He wrapped his arms around him calling in his ear: "What?"

Steve put an arm around his shoulders calling back: “Everybody's staring! I'm definitely looking like an idiot.” Bucky laughed brightly. "I've figured." "Well, _thank you_ very much." "You are stared at, I mean." "That's what I'm saying!" “Steve! They like what they're seeing!” Steve paused in the weird swing they were performing, with their arms half around each other shouting in each other's ear, and looked at Bucky in shock. "Nonsense ..." "Yes! I recognize that, trust me.” Bucky was now trying to guide Steve while dancing, but he was still motionless like a boulder.

"They're sure watching you." "Oh, there are a lot of guys into some...meat," Bucky winked at him pinching his biceps. Then he laughed: "And now they're all fantasizing about you pulling twinkie me into your cave by my hair." Steve turned a deep puple. "Can we have a drink?" "You're meaning ...?" "Yes! Then maybe I'm gonna loosen up a bit.” "Okay, come on." They left the dance floor, had already let go off each other, but Steve was confident. A cocktail, then some dancing again and he would be shoved against Bucky again and then put his arm around him again not so embarrassingly weird, but for real. _Yes._

Bucky nonchalantly ordered two margaritas at the bar making the bartender glance at him, then at Steve, then again at Bucky. Bucky got a strange feeling... "Can I see your IDs again, sweeties?" "But they've been already checked at the entrance!" Steve blurted out, blushing. Bucky was writhing inside: Mistake! That'd been a mistake, acting caught, and now they were one thing absolutely certain: _caught_. "Then I'm sure it's okay if I'm taking another look, isn't it sweetheart?"

"Listen, we've changed our minds, we don't want to order anything, we're gonna disappear, okay?" Bucky tried to save the situation. “Tse tse tse. You're thinking of that a little too late, honey.”, The bartender smiled sweetly. “I've already called security, there's a button under the bar. Show your perfectly-well-looking IDs to the boss.” Bucky's heart sank into his boots and Steve went pale. A sinister looking security employee approached looking at the bartender questioningly. He pointed to Bucky and Steve and said, "Code greenhorn."

"Ah okay. Boys!” The muscles packed man turned to the two of them. “Just come along without causing any trouble. Otherwise it's only making it worse.” They bravely toddled off after the man in black leading them to an office. “Sit down, don't touch anything and some little advice among friends: Don't be smart or rebellious with the boss. He's a good guy and won't eat you up when you're behaving well.” He left them alone locking them in. Steve gasped: "Is he allowed to? That's deprivation..“ „Steve!" Bucky interrupted. "Please stop it. Haven't you heard him: Don't get smart. Keep your temper in check.” "Well listen, we've got rights and ..." "Steven! For heaven's sake! Let me do the talking!” Steve snapped a little offended saying nothing more.

The lock clicked again and a bearded, beefy man in his mid-forties in biker gear entered. He was eyeing them from top to bottom drawling, "Good evening, kids." Bucky jumped up from his chair answering in a slightly breathless voice and the look of wounded deer: “Good evening, sir. We sincerely apologize for this offense and ...“ „Save that,” the man smiled. Steve, who had also risen halfway uncertainly, glanced from one to the other sinking down again. Bucky did so too.

“Listen, little one, I bet you're aware of your pretty doll-face, but I'm on the other team. My name's Chris Barnes .. ” Steve's eyes shot to Bucky's, who tapped him on the toes with his foot. _Shut up_. “...and this club' belongs to me and my wife Jacqui. You don’t need to flirt with me, that’s going to take you nowhere.” Bucky was hanging his head. Steve took a breath and - _by God, why?_ Bucky thought - said, "Sir, your co-worker shouldn't have locked us up. In the event of a fire, it would have been a serious violation of the ...” “If I wasn't sure about you being definitely too young for college, I'd say: fucking law student” Barnes interrupted grudgingly. Bucky hissed, "Please ... just be quiet." "Your cute boyfriend with the doll-face has clearly more sense than _you_ whisk." Steve turned red again, clenching his fists, but was silent – luckily.

“Mr Barnes, we haven't wanted to make trouble. We're sorry, we're gonna leave and never come back, alright?” Bucky urged now pleadingly. “You can come back when you are 21. In fact, you can come back tomorrow. I'm not incuring a penalty when I'm ... how old are you now?” Bucky hurried to answer, "18 and 19." Fortunately, Steve didn't contradict. Barnes continued: “I can let people over 18 into the club until midnight. And sell them soda, as befits good children,” he smirked. Steve seemed to be boiling up again next to Bucky again. He died a thousand deaths. "Pull yourself together, baby!" Steve immediately froze in shock. _Baby?_ Now Bucky was turning a deep purple. He hadn't wanted to say 'Steve', didn't want to reveal their names when he didn't have to and that was the first thing coming to mind: _Baby._ Who was caught now?

Barnes was completely unimpressed by the spectacle the two boys offered him. He continued calmly: “But then you've ordered margaritas. This is illegal and when my bartender's giving some to you I can lose my damn license.”, The previously neutral, almost friendly voice of the club owner has now hardened. "And from then on there's not any fun left in there." “We understand that, sir. Absolutely and we are sorry. We're never doing it again!” Bucky called passionately. The biker looked him in the eye, a little regretful.

“I'm sorry, boy. But I'm just too happy to teach you snotty greenhorns some lesson the first time. That's helping bad boys getting better. You seem to me like an intelligent guy. I'm sure the lesson is instructive. Can you pass it on to your sweetheart with the quick blood?” Steve jerked up and Bucky hissed in a breath. Steve said nothing. Thank God! Then the man took his phone out of his pocket calling someone. And when someone answered on the other end, Barnes stated: “NYPD? Chris Barnes here, Flaming Saddles, Club, 793, 9th Avenue. I have two greenhorns with fake IDs and need my office back.” There was a pause, Steve started trembling and Bucky froze. They were _fucked_... "Thank you very much, Officer."

They were sitting in the back of a police car in an icy silence after Bucky urging Steve with pleading eyes to keep his big mouth shut from now on. They were stripped of their cell phones, keys and wallets. They'd had left their real driver's licenses and other IDs at Steve's. The police would of course keep the fake ones. Now they were put in the station's cell, at that time they were the only 'guests' and, as the officer on duty - according to the name tag a Mister Ph. Coulson - put it, they were given some time to be thinking a little. Officer Coulson wanted them to call their parents having them picked up. This embarrassment was an educational benefitting experience for many adolescents. He told the two boys he didn't know if they were still minors and so he had to insist.

Steve looked at Bucky who was keeping his face down and Steve swallowed. "I refuse to testify, sir." Coulson couldn't help laughing. “As you wish, boy. I'm in the front, you only have to call if you want something. I'm up there all night, in case.” Then he left them alone. The sound of the heavy cell door locking closed was ringing in their ears for a long time. When the cop was out of sight, Bucky collapsed out of his defiantly upright posture sinking onto the bench on the back wall of the cell, burying his face in his hands. Steve was remaining uncomfortable and undecided at the front of the cell.

"Buc ..." "Shht!" Bucky called, "No names." Steve swallowed. _Baby_ ... "What're we supposed to do now?" Bucky dropped his hands looking up at him. He was pale in the cell's neon lights - maybe it wasn't only the light. His expression was a little tired, but otherwise impenetrable. "A speech about fire protection regulations or deprivation of liberty would be just right, wouldn't it?", The biting tone made Steve blush with shame, but also with anger. "What's that now gonna help? Bitterness? And you know I was right. ” Bucky snorted: "You're always right, aren't you?", The tone hadn't improved, rather a little more poison had been added.

"Why are you flaming me now?" Steve called angrily. "Shouldn't we rather be discussing what to ..." "Why I'm flaming you? Think about it! And what is there to be discussed? We are in a shitty police station cell until a parent's pulling us out. Great options here.” "I really want to know why you're having a go at me now, Buc ..." "Can't you be quiet for just five short minutes? Only five minutes?” Steve closed his mouth in miffedly, but then remained silent, pouting.

Officer Coulson was listening to the quarrel with satisfaction. The further the two lovebirds would get into their argumet, the sooner one would give in calling his parents, the other one would then buckle soon after. God knows he didn't want having them in this cell all night. He knew what other folks would come in over the night being, on a Friday in New York. The two gay boys – almost children yet - would be torn to pieces, no matter how impressive the blonde boy was, he was probably a quarterback at his high school. With the good-natured, open and honest face of a choir boy, he had never really had to defend himself from violence in his life. The brunette one with near-angelic features was more shadowy. And he seemed to be a little more of a street-smart.

The two cell phones were also very telling. That of inmate 1, called 'Street-smart' by Coulson, was as safe as Fort Knox and, of course, he had no way to force the boy to unlog it. Inmate 2's 'Choir Boy''s phone was as open like the guest book of an apple plant in Vermont. 'Buck' as in 'Buck Rogers' he had called his more secretive sidekick until he warned him. Definitely a nickname. Coulson surfed a bit through the contacts, unfortunately most of them had no profile pictures. He found 'Buck', but he was actually a 'Bucky'.

The cop, bored, was scrolling through a couple of pages of conversation in the messengers chat, waiting for the two to start quarreling again. They weren't acting like a couple in the chat, though. Texting each other constantly, yes, but no sweetnesses, no sexting, no declarations of love, nothing, not even little hearty emojis. He could have sworn they were a couple ... There were countless pictures of the outstandingly pretty 'Bucky' in Choir Boy's camera folder, but nothing straight away getting him anywhere. When he heard something from the cell again, he put the phone down concentrated listening.

"Why are you that mad at me?" "The whole thing hasn't been my idea, has it?" "But then you should have talked me out of it if you've been against!" “When can I ever talk you out of something? You are as stubborn as a mule with a sore molar.” "Well, listen ..." "And having cocktails's been also your idea! Until then we've had no problem, you've heard Mr Barnes.” "Don't you think that's a crazy coincidence, of all things Ba ...?" "Captain!" Street-smart called out warningly and rather annoyed. This was followed by a relatively long break. Then (Choir Boy): “'m sorry, Your _Highness_.”

Officer Coulson's eyes were widening in surprise. ' _Your Highness_ '? In addition, this mixed-up tone of annoyance and tenderness. What kind of strange relationship were the two of them actually having? The cell had fallen silent again. Coulson went back to the phone. Well, have a look! Sanctuary High, elite school! He went back to the contacts. Prince of Zamunda (Wakanda)! What the hell? Dad, mom, sure, but then: Thor, Loki? What weirdo was he actually having in his cell, angry hissing coming from there now. Too bad, Street-smart had obviously taught Choir Boy to be whispering at last. Bucky had waved Steve over to him. He had complied, but remained standing stubbornly instead of sitting next to him. He was angry too. His friend was glaring at him from below and hissed:

“Pretty please be careful what you're saying. Or just shut up.” “I just don't see why I should be entirely to be blamed for this alone. Shit happens! They can't keep us here forever, we've got rights.” Bucky rolled his eyes. "That again?" "What do you mean by that? We _do_ have got rights. ” “We are the ones hanging in a police station cell. Screwed up, our rights.” "Then what would you suggest to do now?" ”For now: talk less. Don't give anything away, damn it. I've had enough dealings with the police lately for my taste.” Steve was startled and got a little louder again: "Oh god, do you think they're bringing that..."

(That last not-ended sentence had been audible again. Choir Boy, of course, the boy was having a temper like a steamroller, Coulson thought amused, but Street-smart had silenced him again before it could get really interesting. His Highness was probably kissing his Captain …)

His Highness wasn't kissing his Captain. Bucky had jumped up and was now pressing three fingers of his right hand onto Steve's lips while grabbing the back of his head with his left one, his body pressed against him from head to toe. Steve froze instantly, hardly able to understand Bucky's feverish whispering, so dizzy was the sensation of his lips on his ear, the breath of his words, the tight and fast, excited breathing of Bucky making him... His lean, warm body was so close! His fingers on Steve's lips were cool but the pressure felt so, so sweet, the other hand was buried in his hair. Steve swallowed hard, not knowing what to focus on first: forcing away his boner or listening to Bucky. Listening to Bucky: the easier job right now.

“... in hot water soon enough. At the moment I'm a stupid party goer with a bit of bad luck and if I'm not telling them who I am, there's nothing they can do but let me go in the end. When my dad notices I'm gone and is worried enough to report about me missing, nothing happens. I'm 18 years old and the police aren't trying very hard. In worst case, I'm here for a day or two, but do you think they're gonna be pampering me here on tax money for such a trifle forever? It's totally different when they're figuring out I've been involved in a drug offense just ten days ago. So I'm begging you, Stevie, please help me a little more about them not finding out who I am. I'm pleading with you!"

Steve swallowed hard again. Now that Bucky fell silent, he should be worrying about his boner... Bucky took his fingers off his lips tilting his head back a bit to look at him. Steve's face was red and blotchy, there were sweat beads in his hairline and he was looking like ... a little as if ... And then Bucky felt the hardness against his abdomen. Now he swallowed hard, taking his hand out of Steve's hair trying to retreat as inconspicuously as possible. He joked quietly: "Permission to speak, Cap, but only very lowly." "Er... I'm sorry, Bu ... dude. So sorry.” Steve whispered. "I'm not saying one more word, I promise." Bucky nodded, dropping back onto the cot behind him, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes.

Steve had been as hard as a rock! How could he've noticed this that late? Now with the adrenaline in his body lessening, his fingers were still tingling with the wonderful touch of Steve's soft hair, his plush lips! He allowed himself to be dreaming a little ... Then he had to think. Steve had to get out of here, and soon! Shortly afterwards he felt him settling next to him, but silently, _phew._ After a few minutes in complete silence, he murnered softly:

“Call your father. You've got one call. Just call him. He won't make a big fuss out of it.” There was no other way. It would get Bucky out of Tony Stark's house at lightning speed again, but what else were they supposed to do? It was about to blow up. Steve's parents would call the police at one or two at the latest and Steve was still a minor. His picture would go to all police stations at StarkNet speed and then their big secret was none yet, at least not Steve's. He could be keeping _his_ for a while if he had to.

He had, of course, counted his chickens before they're hatched. Steve rised: "That's out of the question. I'm staying with you." Bucky thought frustration and a nameless weakness would overwhelm him the next moment, he let out a trembling breath. "Please ... that's insane and completely unnecessary, who ..." "Do you think I'm leaving you here alone? Are you nuts?”, Steve got louder again, his factory setting, so to speak. Officer Coulson, who in the messenger chat had come to the Montana holiday one and a half years ago fascinated by the teenage romance with one of its sad climaxes in a police station cell now, was listening close putting the exciting reading material away. Street-smart, however kept whispering, if he was answering at all. Oh, _rats!_

“Please Stevie ... you're tiring me. Listen to me once in a lifetime, only this once in a lifetime.” Bucky breathed out, his eyes still closed, so Steve could be watching him, devouring his sight, caressing every inch of his face with his eyes. Bucky licked his lips and the little desperate "Puh-lease ...", which he just exhaled hoarsely, was calling Steve's painstakingly controlled boner back on track again. He hissed in his breath and Bucky jumped, opening his eyes, looking at Steve, who was only about ten inches from his face. Shaking his head slowly to make his intention clear.

"I'm not going without you." The frustrated howler made Steve - and Officer Coulson, who was listening intently - jump. Bucky got up walking up and down like some caged animal, wringing his hands. “You are such a punk! A crazy, stubborn, hopeless punk!” He cried out. The cop at his desk nodded in agreement pleased about Street-smart now apparently losing his composure, too. Firstly, that would advance the matter and secondly, it was more exciting, he had little enough variety in his job. “Don't you understand? Would you leave me?” Steve called.

(Choir Boy was good, Coulson thought, Street-smart - 'Bucky' - was silent for a long moment. Of course, he now knew from the chat, Choir Boy was 'Steven' or 'Steve', sometimes fondly called 'Stevie' and quite often 'punk' , but the cop preferred 'Choir Boy', although that might not really fit, there was too much fire in him. Oh, there was 'Captain' too. That fitted.)

"This is so unfair. Quite apart from the fact this scenario isn't offering this option in the slightest, you know: Me, I am certainly better made for this than you, I can handle this better. So finally tell the nice officer your name and do this call.” "What do you mean by that? 'Better made for this'? Do you think I'm soft or weak?” Steven Choir Boy punk Captain called out. Bucky Street-smart Highness was also going to that posh and obscenely expensive school, as Coulson now was knowing from the chat. You could also make out the wealthy background and high education when he was speaking. And yet he was apparently convinced that he could be enduring 'jail' ... _Interesting_.

"Remember the fish, you hero!" _Fish?_ "Oh come on, you've been all green in your face as well!" “And yet I've got it off. And then I had to clean the nasty thing out and cook it for you!” _What's going on? This isn't where I've parked my car!_ The cop thought. "Now tell the officer your name, I can call him for you, you punk ...", Bucky suddenly had glassy eyes, he was having an idea. "Wait a moment..." " _No!_ You're not doing that, you jerk! Don't you dare! ” _Jerk?_ "Stop me!" "Then I'm telling him ..." "You aren't, you've promised." Street-smart-Bucky-Highness-jerk's voice was full of triumph.

"Argh!" "Steve!" "Stop it!" "You stop it!"

Officer Coulson jumped up in alarm. A fight! It is high time to watch after his inmates again. He was finding them in some kind of catfight where they were doing nothing worse than glaring, shoving each other and grabbing at their shirs shaking a little. _Oh what a bunch of tough guys..._ When one of the really bad guys would be coming in over the evening, he'd had mincemeat, idiot-punk mincemeat. He sighed asking very very exhausted: "Children, please don't argue." Bucky spun around to the cop. "Sir, that's Steven ..." "He's lying! Don't believe a word from him!” Punk cried out. "I'm never gonna forgive you doing this!" Another heavy blow from Choir Boy, with Street-smart immediately falling silent sulking at him. Phillip Coulson briefly put his hand over his eyes. Why was the Lord testing him like this?

"Boys. Finally be sensible. You're out of here in an hour at the latest, with a warning and maybe, maybe not, a lot or little trouble at home. But do you really want to pull this off? You have no idea who's going to approach this place over the night ...“ „PHIL!” He was interrupted by a very loud cry from the front. "You're having guests!" Officer Coulson's head dropped. "Excuse me," with that he moved away. Rumbling and grumbling and cursing could be heard from the front area of the police station.

"Steve! Please, call your dad! ” "Bucky, I'm not letting you down here, never!" They were urging at the same time. While glaring at each other Officer Coulson was getting them 'company'. Two men in their thirties, poorly patched up after a fight, carelessly dressed, scowling. Steve and Bucky swallowed heading automatically for a corner of the cell, far from the entrance. Officer Coulson heart almost broke at the sight. One of the 'newbies' laughed: "Look at this, Cagey, babies!" "How cute!" the other fell in. Bucky looked imploringly at Steve, who just shook his head, telling him silently: _"Do you think I'm leaving you alone with them?"_

And at that moment, reluctantly admitting to himself, Bucky for nothing in the world wanted to be alone in this cell with these guys ... When the cop had left, the one addressed with 'Cagey' spoke up to them: “Well, were you boys robbing a gumball machine?”, causing his buddy to burst out laughing hysterically. "No sir," Steve said firmly and very bravely. That caused a laughing fit again, with both. "Sir!" One shouted. Bucky tugged Steve on the arm looking at him imploringly. _Just keep silent._

"Are you boys fagots?" the nameless one asked. Steve immediately lifted himself up, going red standing straight in front of the two men. Bucky's heart was sinking even deeper than into his boots ... was there a basement there? There was his heart now. “Sir, don't mind me. That word is offensive and constituting the offense of sexual harassment.” The two startled and ... luckily they just burst out laughing again. "Fagots!" They shouted in unison dropping onto the bench. "Steve ... please." Bucky hissed. Steve changed his mind going back to the corner. "Come up with something to get you out, too" Steve whispered in his ear urgently.

"Love is in the air ...", one of the new occupants sing-sanged at the sight and his friend was laughing dirtily. Coulson came back to the cell. "Quiet please. Don't make it worse. Boys, make up your mind." Then the cop looked at Steve talking in a serious tone, "Call your father." Steve looked him straight in the eye replying firmly: “Officer. I'm not going without Bu ... _him._ ” Dirty laughter again and "Fa-ha-gots" chanting in the cell. “Be sensible at last. If your father or whoever can confirm your friend's identity, there may be a way,” Coulson told Steve. "Maybe?" he asked. "Perhaps. If everyone involved is playing along.” The cop looked at Bucky. "What times are we living in, Hemmy?" 'Cagey' sighed, "the gays are being pampered and we're sitting around here for a bit of manly quarreling." "Silence," Coulson ordered calmly. Steve briefly looked at Bucky, who nodded.

“Officer Coulson, my name is Steven Stark and I want you to call my father. Anthony Stark, New York 274543.” Bucky was swaying with relief, had to sit down, choosing the floor. "Bucky!" Steve called out worried. " _Oh fuck_ , Steve. Thank you." he sighed. The other two men in the cell laughed at that again. Officer Coulson was staring a short while, but quickly recovered. _My goodness! Tony fucking Stark's son!_ He went to his desk to make the phone call. Bucky and Steve, who'd pulled his friend back on his feet, had huddled together back in 'their' corner whispering.

"So what I'm supposed to do about you now?" Steve asked. _Kiss me, touch me, hold me tight, love me,_ Bucky thought, but he said, "I don't know, maybe your dad can think of something, he's the genius!" "Bucky! I'm not going to leave from here without you.” “Yes, I'm getting that. But I'm having no plan. Let's just wait and see.” "What?" Steve shouted going quiet again immediately. "Bucky! You're afraid of ...“ „Stevie, I'm not afraid, my report has been withdrawn in all respects, it's not going to fail.”, Bucky lied. "And if it is?" "That's not happening." "For sure?" "Yeah, for sure," Bucky was of course not sure, but getting Steve out of this horrible mess was a top priority. He added:

"Your dad's not going to forgive me this any soon anyways, but if I'm the reason for you spending even a single minute longer than necessary here-in, then he's never." Bucky looked grim. Steve felt stabbed. Right now Bucky was thinking of his dad again and what he could be thinking of him? _Sure! No daddy-kink..._ "Is that that important?" He murmured, not looking at Bucky. "Who can get me outta here if not him?" Officer Coulson came back looking at Steve: "Your father's said he'll be there asap.“ "You see?" Steve frowned growling, "Your savior is coming." _What the hell?_ Bucky tried to look Steve in the eye, but he was turning away. "Officer! Can they be sent to another cell? My sense of shame is hurt here!” 'Hemmy' called. 'Cagey' laughed nastily. "Your sense of shame is not harmed, mister," the cop replied drily. "No, wait!" 'Cagey' shouted, "he's very religious and the Bible is against fagots. They are are sinners." Both were giggling.

"Stop it!" Bucky shouted, red with anger clenching his fists, "Steve's not gay!" Steve's head snapped up and he thought: _But neither is my dad, bad luck for you_ and immediately feeling ashamed of his meanness. "Of course not ..." 'Hemmy' laughed. "Stop it now," Coulson called emphatically. "Don't use this word in my police station, I can easily add that to the long list of your offenses." The rest of the waiting time the four inmates mostly were spending in silence. Steve was brooding jealously. He had never in life dreamt his own father would stand in his way, regarding love of all! Bucky was pondering over Steve's change of mood from active-loving-worried to disgruntled-annoyed-bottled-up. The two thugs were leaning against the cell wall on the bench dozing. The minutes until Tony Stark's arrival were dragging on painfully...


	55. "I'm no longer a child!"

**"I'm no longer a child!“**

(The very same day)

Tony and Peter came home from nursery school this Friday around six. The boy had been having a nice day, he was told, and since the little one hadn't been crying when they'd said goodbye in the morning, Tony'd even believed the teacher. Peter actually loved it at nursery school. He was an extrovert and active child. His former activities around other children at play group once a week and baby fitness on Tuesdays and Thursdays had simply not been enough.

They'd had a difficult start but shortly afterwards Peter had gotten as cheerful and funny and playful as usual, so he wasn't striking traumatized to his parents. Pepper had laid out the law by speaking to her husband diretly in his face about the boy sensing how little his father could let go and that was unsettling the toddler.

Tony, who in no way had wanted to be blamed for the misery of his beloved spiderling, had been pulling himself together and the nursery school visits were levelling off. From then on Tony went to Stark Industries two days a week with his wife and the rest of the days he worked from home in the workshop. And at least to Rhodey he'd admitted to having been missing it. Rhodey 'd got him, he had known Tony for almost 35 years knowing best he actually needed permanent mental stimulation and challenges.

He pulled his tie from his collar and opened two buttons with Peter already rummaging happily in his toys box.

"Jarvis! Who's at home? "

"Good evening, Mr. Stark, Mr. Peter." "Hello Shaaavis!" The little boy called out cheerfully after hearing his name. Tony smiled.

"Sir, Mr. Steven' gone to town with Mr. James. Mr. Thor's at band rehearsals at school and is going to come home with Mrs. Stark. Mr Loki is studying in the library. He's visited by Miss Nebula.“ (Jarvis always called the Starks reading room 'library'.)

Tony was a bit surprised. Nebula visiting Loki? He liked the serious, quiet girl. She was brilliant and interested in electrical engineering and technology in general. Last barbeque, she had fixed one of the Blu-Ray speakers by the pool and Tony, checking her work the next day, was surprised. He couldn't have soldered the contacts and be screwing it back together better himself. When he casually mentioned this at the next visit by the girl, he'd been seeing her spotting a genuine wide smile for the first time, brigthening her features and foreshadowing one day she could outshine her pretty sister. Though Tony bet she wasn't caring at all.

She still styled and dressed completely unaffected by trends and fashion. "Come on, little man, we're going to visit Loki!" He reached out leaning down to Peter. "Yes, yes yes, visiting Loti!", He replied cheerfully. Halfway through, the boy broke loose again, running back to his bag, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. "For Loti!" Peter still had difficulties with some letters, but he was speaking very differentiated. Now Loki was no longer the only prodigy among the Stark's offspring. Tony glanced at the drawing for Peter's brother. Well, the little wonder boy's drawing skills weren't better than those from other children his age.

"Look, daddy, snates for Loti." The scribbled squiggles had to be a whole snake's nest and Tony praised the picture. "Your brother will be happy." When they arrived at the reading room, he knocked lightly on the door frame. The door was open, but he didn't want to scare the kids. Both looked up from their work. Nebula wanted to jump up, lying on her stomach on the thick carpet in the middle, but Tony waved it off. He didn't think that was necessary. He wasn't valueing formalities as much as her father.

"Good evening, Mr. Stark," she said politely. A lot of sheets with figures and maths formulas were scattered around her. "Evening, father ..." Loki said absently. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor with his mother's heavy complete Shakespeare's edition in his lap. "Hello, Puck, Nebula" "LO-TI!", Peter let go of Tony's hand and his brother just managed to put the book down next to him before the little one was hanging around his neck. Loki smiled sweetly at him. "Hello baby brother, how's it been in school?" "For you, snates for Loti."

Tony sat down in one of the comfortable armchairs happily watching his two youngest boys talking about the picture. Loki was never treating Peter like a baby and was teaching him a lot. He felt so grown up because the nearly three year old was looking up to him. Loki had finally found something in Peter making him happy. Tony loved the little smooch ball for it. "Do you children have a lot to do? It's the weekend after all.” He then started a conversation himself. "Father, we are studying for winter exams." Oh yes, it was that time of year again. "Can I help you with anything?" "No, I'm working on English literature. I'd rather ask mother. ”

It was only fair, Pepper really was knowing more about this. Nebula, staring at her classmate with wide eyes, was surprised Mr. Stark had said nothing about the disrespectful tone. So she was not allowed to speak to her father that way. But her father couldn't be compared to Mr Stark in the slightest she had quickly noticed over the time she was going in and out at the Stark's. She cleared her throat. "Mr, Stark, sir?" She asked shyly. Tony tried not to flinch. _Sir._ Peter immediately blubbered out: "Mithda Thaak sir!" Tony sighed inwardly smiling encouragingly at the girl. „Go on, girl.“ "This is a really tricky equation. There's a mistake somewhere in my calculations and I just can't figure it out. "

"Mithda Thaak, sir!" "Just a moment, Nebula." Tony got up getting two picture books from Peter's box. "Daddy giving you a book, Pete?" Peter looked at him with interest. "Daddy, I want a book." "Would you like the book about the farm with all the animals like Uncle Clint's and Aunt Laura's or one about the airport, with the huge planes?" Peter was thinking very hard. "I want animals, like Untle Tlint," he said firmly. The little one was having great fun again on the farm in the summer. Tony handed him the book. Peter opened the first page lowering his curly head. "Peter, you're welcome."

"Thant you, daddy." His educational success noted, his father lovingly tousled the boy's curls. Peter was already muttering devotedly to himself. "Tow, thwine, chicken, one two three ..." Everyone watched him briefly, he was adorable. Then Tony pulled himself away from the sight lying down onto his stomach next to Nebula and, after taking reading glasses out of his breast pocket, putting them on, he pulled her notes towards him. He'd found the mistake immediately. But if he only told her, she would learn nothing from it.

"We're starting over, what do you think? You're explaining me step-by-step how to do the task and I'm going to find out where you're getting it wrong and gonna explain how to avoid it. Then you are understanding this stuff in no time. Good strategy? Good stragety.” Nebula chewed on her lower lip. The equation with subsequent evidence would take up a lot of time this way. At least half an hour, probably longer. "Not a good strategy? Normally I'm always good at this. What're you suggesting?” Lying on his stomach next to her looking over at her as if he really was taking her for full, was making her jealous at Thor and Loki again. Having such a dream father like Tony Stark! She was considering, looked down answering shyly:

"Mr Stark ... You don't have the time for that. As busy as you always are,” Tony, shaking his head, stated: "I'm not busy with anything at the moment. I'm lying comfortably on a cozy carpet and my boys are reading. So I can be a perfect host helping out a young lady in need“ he joked. „Neb, he likes to do that. Giving lectures. I'm wondering why he' not a college professor sometimes” Loki muttered dryly without looking up from his work. Nebula winced again. Loki was really cheeky at his father. But Mr Stark only gesticulated good-naturedly at his son and “You see? You're doing me a favor, not the other way around.” Nebula smiling timidly, nodded pulling an empty piece of paper towards her.

Forty minutes later Peter was through his book box, Loki had finished his essay on Macbeth and Nebula had independently solved and understood the maths problem with a little push in the right direction. They all went to the kitchen, it was soon time for dinner, laying the table together. Nebula would not be picked up until 8pm, so of course she was staying. Tony made her sandwiches with tomato and bell pepper spread going with the salad, because the casserole for dinner of course wasn't vegan. Loki got along very well with the girl. They apparently were on the same wavelength in more ways than one. They were both introverted and rather serious, having a dry sense of humor and were bright, smart children.

Tony finished the prepared salad while warming up the casserole Mrs Watson had put in the fridge. Nebula, Loki and Peter were playing with building bricks on the floor. The scene was idyllic when Pepper came home with Thor. Peter was hopping up and down with joy. He always was when his family came home. "Mommy!Thor! I've read one two three four five thix theven books!”, And he actually was holding up seven fingers with that. His mother picked him up kissing him hello. "Have you been nice at school, my little darling?" Peter made a face.

"I am nithe. Mommy's not nithe. “, Peter was hurt his mother had to ask. Pepper laughed. "Of course you are, dear darling." She pushed him over to her husband. "There, have your daddy's boy. You instigated him to say that! Just because I haven't had the time to go out having lunch with you today.“ „Pete, your mommy is nice, very nice. She was making your inheritance even larger all day” he laughed. "Mommy is nithe," the little one then blurted out graciously and everyone was laughing. "Pop! I have to tell you something, Mom's already heard. Neb, listen, Loki, you too!“ Thor suddenly called out impatiently.

The energetic boy was bursting with excitement. The band was allowed to perform at a New York Fire Department festival. They had been rocking the rehearsal, he said. The news was duly appreciated and everyone was happy with Thor, who was beaming like the sun. Aged 15 now and, what they had always known, about to be growing into the true picture of male beauty. He was significantly taller than his father and had even caught up with two-years-older Steve, much to teh latter's regret. His body was athletic and his features even.

The girls were chasing him at schools. However, he had lost his loyal and honest heart to the school's Head Girl and president of the astrophysics club, Jane Foster. The very popular and pretty 16-year-old was scientifically ambitious, spending every free minute in the physics laboratory. She hadn't noticed the worship of all the boys in love with her at all so far. Including Thor's. Pepper and Tony were comforting their son by telling him as long as she hadn't chosen one of the numerous boys, she might just want to wait with love and relationships. Thor was quite fine with that and surrendering to his fate.

"Jarvis! Has Steve wanted to be back for dinner? ”

"Sorry, Mr. Stark." "Mithda Thaak!" Peter mimicked immediately. "Mr Steven and Mr James have asked me to inform you they're dining town staying the night at Mr James'."

After dinner, Loki and Nebula tidied up the kitchen, while Tony and Pepper were exchanging news about Stark Industries issues. Peter sitting on Tony's lap sleepily fiddling with a puzzle cube. "Pete? Come on, Mommy's taking you to bed.” Pepper said kindly. She and Tony were taking turns at that now. "Thaying good night to daddy?" "Of course, darling." The little boy wrapped his arms around Tony's neck pressing his face to his father's. Tony kissed his light brown curls.

"Good night, Spiderling. Sleep well and good dreams of something nice, Underoos. "Tony-Daddy-Mithda Thaak sleeping," Pete murmured, already half asleep and Pepper carefully picked him up. If she was lucky, he wouldn't even notice her changing him into his Spider-Man pajamas. Peter's days were always very exhausting now and he always was falling asleep fast in the evenings. Pepper and Tony were playing cards with Thor, Loki and Nebula, until Mr Titan picked up his daughter.

Fortunately, he was in a hurry and, for once, having no concern Stark Industries should definitely get involved with. Titan proudly indicated to Tony he was going to see a woman and Tony prayed to all the gods for that to be working out. Then the madman would finally have a purpose in life. And maybe he was finally nicer to his children. The little Titan girl, which of course was meant metaphorically, the girl was already a dizzying 1.78m tall, was very dear to him ...

It was later in the evening, around eleven o'clock, the fireplace lit and the Stark Seniors sittin down with a glass of wine in front of it. "Well, Mrs Stark, are you happy?" Pepper smiled. "Very much so. And you, Mr Stark?“ He nodded. „Everything is wonderful, isn't it?” She continued dreamily: “The past three years have been so turbulent and exhausting. Especially for you, darling.“ „Yes. And there was a massive lack of appreciation for my self-sacrificing work being done. That had to be said, at least once.“ Tony smirkeded. "You did fantastic, Tony," she stated kindly now. "You were showing it to everyone having had their doubts. I'm so proud of you.“ „And?“ „I couldn't have done better.“ Tony put down his glass, taking Pepper's from her hand putting it next to it. Just when he was about to kiss her …

"Incoming call, I'm afraid you'd have to accept."

"Tell Jarvis you're busy," Pepper whispered in his ear. Tony frowned. "Pep, Steve is out in town ..." Now his wife got as pale as Tony was already. Jarvis only let through important calls at this late hour.

"Accept, Jarvis!"

"Hello?"

"Am I speaking to Mr Anthony Stark?" a cool male voice, both of whom had never heard. Pepper grabbed Tony's arm in alarm, feeling her husband's shiver. "The very," Tony gritted through clenched teeth.

"New York Police Department, Officer Coulson. I'm having one pretty miserable Steven Stark staying around with a fake ID. Together with a young man who is silent like a grave. Would you like to pick up the former, Mr. Stark? I think he's related to you, isn't he? However, I recommend an educational waiting period. That's usually working wonders.” Tony and Pepper glanced at each other as if struck by lightning. STEVE ??? was written on their faces. "Mr Stark?" "Uh, thanks for the information, Officer. I'm right there. Which station?“ „Well, as you please. Third Avenue, corner 17th. "

"Oh, that Barnes boy! Why can't the dumbhead stay out of trouble?” Tony shouted angrily, already putting on his shoes, searching for his wallet, cell phone and car keys. Bucky always getting into trouble was wearing him out slowly. What had happened to the nice child Steve had met at summer camp ages ago? He felt a little guilty right away. Bucky was still a 'nice child' and the blame for his escapades and missteps had to be addressed at his loveless parents' house rather than himself. Actually, Tony was a bit angry with Steve for not trying to have a little more positive influence on his friend. But Steve was probably just a little too impressed by Bucky Barnes.

"Tony, shouldn't I rather go?" his wife asked. Steve and his father hadn't gotten on very well lately and Tony just seemed so mad. Pepper expected a bad outcome with the two of them meeting now. Tony just wasn't getting everything going on in Steve and Pepper thought she was. Tony didn't want to hear about that. He wanted to get Steve out of there and telling Bucky a few words. That was long overdue. Pepper hugged him again at the door tightly. "Don't say anything you're going to regret later," she whispered. Tony sniffed. Pepper still thought it was cute. "I'm not an idiot, honey." "Yes, I know. You can do that.” Tony nodded. "Oh, just the night we've found out how wonderful everything is!", He grinned wryly. Pepper laughed sadly. "Life's just like this. Take care!"

*

Tony'd just signed Steve's discharge papers with Officer Coulson in his office. The ID's the policeman had shown him were astonishing, really convincing, at least if not touching them, they'd felt as brand new as they were. Then he let himself be led to the cell area. Steve and Bucky were sitting close together on the hard bench, miserable looking a good far space away from two scowling men.

"Oh _daddy's_ come to the rescue!"; quipped one of the two demolished men in a mocking toddler's voice. His buddy looked disparagingly at Tony and his expensive appearance. Tony, above those kinds of behavior, didn't glance the tiniest bit at the hobos though they kept snarling: "Bringing his pampered boys to bed soon." "And tomorrow there's going to come no dessert from Mommy." Steve turned deep red with shame. "Quiet!" Officer Coulson called. "Steven Stark, please come out." He got up, looking from his father to Bucky, who had remained seated, and then back to his father.

"What...? Am I supposed to take the nameless stranger with me?” Steve's head snapped up, Bucky only looked apologetically at him briefly lowering his head again. "Dad!" His eldest revolted. "Officer, please tell my son that one can't sign discharge papers for an enigmatic mysterious phantom." „That's right.“, The police officer confirmed. „Would you like to call your parents now, boy?“ „Dad, Major Ba ... his father is in Vermont!” A stern look silenced Steve. "Or you could tell the nice officer your name?" Tony turned to Bucky. Steve whirled around to him, eyes widening at him shaking his head. „Stevie, I can't...I'm sorry...“, he whispered.

Steve's jaw dropped, he wanted to protest but something in Bucky's eyes was holding him back. He looked back at his father, adjuratorily. He knew about the drug story after all and he certainly had to understand what dilemma Buky was in! ... And then the impossible happened: "Jeremy," Tony urged to Bucky, "Please be sensible." Bucky was thinking quickly, finding only neutral encouragement on Mr Stark's face. A sideways glance at Steve told him he had to act quickly, he was about to burst out, torpedoing whatever Mr Stark was planning here! "Jeremy Barnett," Bucky said softly now, acting resigned, "My name is Jeremy Barnett." And before Steve could be reacting the cop asked:

"Mr. Stark? Can you testify to that?” Tony sighed, his eyes never leaving Bucky's. "Yes, Officer, he's been going in and out of my house for years." The pang of guilt stroke Bucky hard making him hanging his head even lower than before.

"Well then, Jeremy Barnett, come with me. Let's finally have a real conversation now. “, The cop smiled friendly. A few minutes later, Tony had also signed Bucky's (Jeremy Barnett's) release papers, and the two boys were friendly but in round terms warned by Officer Coulson they would only get off this lightly once. They went to the car in silence. Tony had taken the Audi, not the van. The sports car in the rear was so wonderfully tight and uncomfortable for guys as tall as those two. He liked that. 25 minutes nobody said anything, then:

"Mr Stark, sir, I ..." "Save that ..." he interrupted Bucky. "I'm going to inform your father as soon as he's back from Vermont. His job to deal with you. Bringing up Steve's just enough on my plate.“, Tony turned the music a little louder. "Dad!" Steve called. "Major Barnes is going to beat... Ouch!" Bucky had jerked his elbow violently to his ribs. Tony could be watching Bucky in the rearview mirror pressing his lips into a thin line. His jaws were grinding. His eyes were huge ... with fear! _Damn ._.. _Now_ he felt sorry for the boy! Steve had stated many times about Mr Barnes being very stern. _Very stern_ had just gotten a whole new meaning. Tony, who had never even raised a hand menacingly against one of his children, was feeling a little sick. But for now, those two heroes should be kept in suspense a bit. Bucky's ruthlessness towards himself was just too much for him at the moment and he _had_ to find a way keeping him from that.

He stopped the car in front of the gateway to the one-story but spacious Barnes family house. It was looking sad and lonely as always. Tony got out taking Bucky to the door. He was about to tell him he would be acting oblivious to this, if it was going to be a one-time event. Then Bucky suddenly turned and had Tony running into him. The younger one, had caught him at the upper arms so he wouldn't fall. "Oopsie-daisy, Mr. Stark." Really now? The kid had some nerve! Tony annoyed as he was, decided the boy could be kept at suspense just another day. "I really want to tell you how …"

"We're talking about this another time, Bucky," he was interrupted. "It's pretty late.“ Bucky blinked a few times then: "Well, of course, Mr Stark. Good night, sir." Tony was artfully rolling his eyes going back to the car. Why had Bucky always have to act that cliché-ridden around him? Like the boys with their sugardaddies in porn. Was the little shit really thinking anyone thought about that to be sexy? Then he remembered about Pepper doing it and thought otherwise immediately. …

The ride home was in silence. Before they went up the driveway, Tony stopped again turning to his son. looking at him defiantly. "Steve ... what've you been thinking ..." he asked calmly. "You'd not understand, Dad. But I won't do it again, alright?“ „What is it I wouldn't understand?” Steve's eyebrows furrowed. "Everything!" He called out hotly. Then quieter: "... me." Tony reached for his eldest, wanting to put his hand on his shoulder, but Steve jerked away. His father closed his eyes briefly pulling his hand back

"Steve, listen ..." "I don't want to talk about it. I'm apologizing for what I've done, isn't that enough?” „Aren't you trusting me, son?” Tony whispered. "You know you can tell me anything. I'm supposed to always be there for you and..." He was interrupted: "I'm no longer a child, Dad! Don't you always treat me like one!” Steve hissed out. Tony thought that to be quite unfair. "When have I treated you ...", he was interrupted again. "Can I get out now? I'm tired, dad. Really, I'm sorry for what's happened today.” When there was no contradiction, Steve pushed up the front passenger seat forcing his large body out of the narrow rear. His father had been giving himself the time to get all his disappointment and hurt from his voice.

"Of course you're also going to apologize to your mother, pal?", He thought, he did pretty good with the casual tone. "Good night, kiddo." "Just don't call me _that_. ... Please, Dad.” With that his son stormed off up to the house. Tony dropped his head against the headrest in frustration. Maybe Pepper would get on better with the boy. Staying a bit longer to give them time, he then parked the Audi in front of the garage before getting in the house.

"Tony! Have you two quarreled?” His wife receiving him at the door helping him out of his jacket. She went on: “Steve's apologized very formally and stiffly to me going straight to his room after. What's happened? What have you done all alone out there for this long?” Her words died off as she was looking at Tony more closely. Then she hugged him briefly in silence telling him affectionately: “That's going to settle down again. Tomorrow's another day, just tell me when you're ready.“ He kissed her to her temple gratefully answering softly. "I need some time for myself, Pep. I'm going to the workshop for an hour or so. That's alright with you, honey?“ She smiled sympathetically: „Just don't be up too late.” With that she released him.


	56. Mission Impossible? - Not for Tony Stark!

**Mission Impossible? - Not for Tony Stark!**

When Pepper woke up later, he had still not been in bed. It was almost one o'clock. Pepper padded down to the workshop entering the code. She always had access. It was almost pitch dark in the workshop. The screen from the mainframe gave off a dim light and Tony was sitting in front of it. "Tony?" She called softly. He should have heard her come in, she hadn't been exactly quiet. Was he that lost ...?

"Hey Pep." It came back late, the tone making her frown. From the sound he had to sit with his back to the desk "Why are you sitting here in the dark? Jarvis!” Her husband quickly cut her off. "Leave the light down." Mr Stark was always top priority for Jarvis. "I'm sorry, honey, I want it that way." His voice was thick. "have you ...been drinking?", She asked carefully walking slowly towards him. "No ... but I'm going to." Pepper was with him now putting her hand on his cheek. They were wet. _Oh,_ she thought.

Pulling his head to her stomach she said softly. "Steve sure hasn't want to hurt you." What Tony was mumbling into the folds of her nightgown was choked. She hadn't gotten him. So she answered whispering quiet nonsense stroking his tangled hair. He pulled himself free, throwing back his

head and cried out desperately: "Tell me! Why does the boy suddenly hate me like that?” The following came out just in hoarse whisper. "Why?" Pepper dropped to her knees in front of him taking his hands.

"A little bit of light, Jarvis?" She asked quietly. Since Tony did not argue, the workshop lighting dimmed up slowly. "Jarvis. That's enough.” His boss called. In the twilight now, she smiled sympathetically at the pile of misery in his chair stool. A still untouched glass of whiskey was on the table.

"Darling. Steve doesn't hate you.” Tony looked away. "Look at me. He...” Pepper took a deep breath, sighing. So now she had to tell him and she'd never really wanted to. "Steve is in love, very much in love." "Yes, with his cell comrade...", him sounding a bit like Tony again encouraged her to go on: "Unfortunately Bucky has developped something like a..., I can't think of a better word than ...“ „A schoolgirl's crush? Yeah I know. The silly boy once had been romantizing me a bit. It's long gone.“ Pepper's jaw dropped.

"You've known?" Tony frowned a little at the astonishment on her face. "It was pretty obvious. The boy wasn't exactly subtle.” That was true, however. "But he's been over it for the longest time. That's just as obvious.” Tony said very confidently. "Well ...," Pep hesitated. "... are you sure about that?" "As sure as death." He laughed dryly.

"But the way he's ... always talking to you, those daring-submissive 'Sirs' and 'Mr Starks', the doe-eyes he's giving you, how he's always flattering you interogating you about technical stuff!" Pepper was shaking her head with conviction. "You can't be so sure about that. If Bucky Barnes were some woman, I would have killed him long ago.“ „Of that I am convinced, my innocent angel …" he winked at her, "... and me right after." She was grinning back. "You're knowing me so well." They were pressing each other's hands briefly. "But you're wrong about Bucky, Tony, as unlikely as it may seem. But it's happening every now and then. "

"Pep ... you're flattering me. I'm going to be 50 next year,” he said simply. Raising one shoulder and one corner of her mouth indifferently she stated. "But Steve apparently is convinced of this too." "Yeah ..." Tony sighed. "... Bucky is a dumbhead. All of that he's started a long time ago, out of a pubertal mood, this top dog number... Somehow he's never gotten out of it again properly. Maybe you're talking to Steve? You two are going on well, honey“ „Me? Oh no, definitely not. A 17-year-old can't discuss that with his mother.“ She poked him in the chest with her index finger.

"And besides, his great love's not having a crush on me." "Bucky hasn't got one on me either, not anymore." Tony was annoyed now. Why was Pepper so stubborn? _Ha!_ He glared at her: "You just want to stay out of this action. You're a little coward, honey.” He glanced her a stern look. Chewing on her lower lip for a moment she finally contrited: "And if I'm admitting, will you promise me you're coming up with something?" Raising an eyebrow he smirked:.

"And when are you going to start with the fact I'm such a genius after all? You are so predictable. To be manipulating me like that. Shame on you.” Pepper knew she had won. Tony would fix this. "I love you. Are you coming upstairs I'm in an urgent need of some more sleep.“ „I'm yet having that drink... ", he nodded to the whiskey glass. "... and wanted to finish something. Go to sleep, I ...” He hesitated. Pep got up answering with a laugh: "It's okay. I'm not taking it personally. I'm not _that_ sex-obsessed.“ „Hear ye!“ Tony laughed. "Besides, you're going to turn 50 next year." Shaking his head, he watched his wife rushing off the work shop, acting offended. Gotten the last word again. He loved his wife.

*

The whiskey on the desk was forgotten. Tony was working on on a code on autopilot constantly thinking about this dilemma. How's he supposed to talk to Steve about this? How for heaven's sake? Then he looked up in surprise. There'd been an idea coming to him. And since he was a man of action, he immediately went to the washroom next to the workshop. He exchanged the classy suit pants for a pair of washed jeans, a rock band T-shirt replacing the dress shirt. His hair was pretty battered, looking like freshly gotten up. But that was rather useful for his plans. A pair of worn motorcycle boots and one of his brighter sunglasses he could be wearing at night. His sunglasses were an important accessory in sales talks. And he wanted to sell Bucky Barnes one of the most valuable things he had: his eldest son …

*

Good thing the Audi was still in front of the garage. The garage door would've been heard from anyone in the house. With an open door, Tony was letting roll the car down the driveway in first gear. The electric motor was making no noise. Reaching the street, he closed the door accelerating. He put his StarkPad on the passenger seat.

"Jarvis! Stealth mode. "

"Stealth mode activated, sir."

"I'm feeling for the theme from _Mission Impossible_ , could that be set up?"

"Of course, Mr. Stark."

_Stealth mode_ was a high security system Tony had programmed for fun, in terms of Christmas and his nosy kids. Blocking all access to StarkPad1, StarkPhone1 and parts of the home mainboard, except by himself. In addition, in stealth mode, no logs were written to any device other than StarkPad1, and Stark Phone1 did not send copies of his orders to J@rvis to StarkPhone2 .

"Jarvis. Baby monitor protocol on Mr Steven's phone.” The A.I. Hesitated making Tony smirk.

"Requesting confirmation, sir. Baby monitor protocol on Mr Steven's phone? "

"Confirmed."

"Baby monitor protocol active now on Mr Steven's phone." Jarvis was sounding businesslike and polite as always, but a little bit – disapproving, though. "I don't want to read it, just know when it was last used, Jarvis. What are you thinking of me?"

"Of course, only the best, Mr. Stark. Mr Steven's phone was last active: 01:04am“ That was over an hour ago. Excellent. Steve was probably fast asleep. "Jarvis! Deactivate Mr Stevens phone for an hour. Forward messages to StarkPad1. "

"Requesting Con...“ "Jarvis! This is important, I know what I am doing and I've not lost my mind!“

"Mr Steven's phone deactivated for an hour...sir." The short break in his sentence the A.I. had dared amused his boss. Tony was back in front of the Barnes' house less than twenty minutes later.

"Jarvis! Send a message to Bucky Barnes in 00:05 simulating StarkPhone3 (that was Steve's).“ Jarvis had probably just given up trying to be Tony's voise of morality.

"Which wording, sir?" Tony had to think about it briefly. After all, although all of this was child's play for him, he had never used the StarkNet communication system like this before. Not on a single family phone. He had never read a message that wasn't meant for him and had no idea how Steve was texting his friend. Bucky should just never be getting suspicious.

"Jarvis! I want Bucky Barnes to think Steve's at his door and I'm having not the slightest clue how to set it up.”

"I'm having a very clear idea of what Mr. Steven would write in this case - and how ... Mr. Stark." Jarvis questioning his intentions again, was enjoying Tony enormously. _Oh well_. Jarvis had every reason. If his sons knew what he was capable to do in the Stark communication network if desiring so ... Or Pepper found out. They would undoubtedly all be getting together, murdering him and bury him in a deep hole. He would probably be lucky if they had the grace to actually murder him beforehand.

"Sir?"

"Send what you think is appropriate for this purpose. Then delete it from all my logs. I don't want to have access to it."

"Message to Bucky Barnes in 00:05, sir." Jarvis wasn't sounding put-off anymore.

On StarkPhoneI, Tony was browsing for Stark Industries bluetooth speakers within reach. He knew Steve had given one to Bucky. Bingo. Rts-xwA.E.S.hrt.03. Password protected. Tony snorted. He'd had an easy way to hack his own technology. Aaaaand in. "Yay!"

"Jarvis! The first three seconds of Beethoven's Fifth to Rts-xwA.E.S.hrt.03. "

"Volume, sir?"

"50%." After all, he only wanted to wake up Bucky and not the whole quarter.

"Done, sir." Time to get out. "Message to Bucky Barnes in 00:01, Mr. Stark. Mr. James is now surely awake and can be _welcoming_ you.” _Oh_! Jarvis had found his old spirit again.

Tony was wide awake now. He had been enjoying the spy act. Too bad he wouldn't repeat it. This was a one-time thing and to be remaining so. Now the difficult part was about to come. But challenges were Tony Stark's thing. He was just arriving at the door when it was flung open violently from the inside.

"Steve! What are you ... “, the next words got stuck in Bucky's throat. "M-Mr Stark!" He stuttered, total surprise and sheer bewildering on his face. "Hello Bucky," Tony said nonchalantly, as if he would not be standing in front of a door at half past two in the morning, where firstly he had no business whatsoever and secondly, his counterpart had also expected someone else. He noticed Bucky trying to look past him inconspicuously. "Steve's not here." The boy swallowed. Tony asked him gently:

"Don't you believe me?" "B-b-but he's only sent me a message a min..." Bucky defiantly swallowed the rest of the sentence as if he didn't want his friend's father to know. The younger one straightened up. "Mr Stark, with all due respect, is Steve there in the back of your car?" The idea of his eldest acting a damsel in distress locked in some tower, i.e. Audi was amusing Tony, having his willing savior in front of him, but only shortly. He had to be concentrating here. "No. He isn't. I'm here to have some words or two with you. Alone. And discreetly so. Aren't you going to ask me in? It's getting a bit chilly at this time of the night out here.” The boy, completely puzzled, opened the door wider without a word.

"Please, follow me straight to the kitchen, Mr. Stark." Bucky had apparently found his smarts again. Well, Tony hated it being too easy anyways. "It's not cleaned up. I haven't expected a visitor.“ Bucky switched on the light. It wasn't particularly bright with a few bulbs missing from the ceiling lamp. "Would you like to sit down, Mr. Stark?" Bucky made an inviting gesture, and when Tony sat down at the table, Bucky took a seat across from him after clearing a few pizza and take-away boxes from the table carelessly tossing them into the sink. All the time he continued talking without waiting for an answer. "Does Steve know you're here?" „No of course not, I … but please go on, my boy, I'm aware you're having something on your chest.“, he stated.

"Listen, sir ..." this time the tone of the word 'sir' was completely lacking any traces of flirting. He anyway had only noticed that tone from Bucky in the past few months when Steve was around and not at all in ages when he happened to be alone with the boy, just as that. That's why Tony was so sure of his wife being wrong (this time at least). "... of course aware why you are here. I'm sorry about the fake ID's. But I swear to you, it's had nothing to do with any drugs. We've wanted to go to this club and ...“ „Oh that. Yeah, that's the other thing I've wanted to talk to you about.“ „...other thing?" Bucky slipped out. „And now that I'm thinking about it, we're starting on this, why not, getting it off the table... Where have you gotten the ID's from?“ Bucky swallowed hesitatingly.

Tony glanced at him sternly. "I've made them myself," Bucky murmured. _Lo and behold!_ "That's been a pretty good job, technically regarded," Tony stated smiling. "Uh ..." Bucky made embarrassed and a little confused. Tony was still smiling, "StarkImaginery combined with the 3D printer in tech lab?" Bucky was drawing in his shoulders uncomfortably and finally nodded, "Yes, sir. I'm so sorry. I know that's been totally inappropriate, using company property for an illegal act like this...” Tony laughed out loud at that, silencing Bucky with giving him a jump.. "The world would be standing still with no one daring to do anything anymore, no one breaking the rules ... It was innovative and smart what you've been doing. _But:_ You're of course going to find a reprimand for it in your intranet mailbox.“ „O-of course, sir. ”, Bucky stammered.

Surprisingly, as absurd, even bizarre this conversation was striking the boy, Bucky was feeling more and more relaxed. Mr Stark's presence, though frightening in a way, was comforting him on the other hand... with all the crazy stuff's going on his life at the moment. If only his very own father'd have a glimpse of this capability being a real father figure... He pulled himself up, determined to stand his ground at this.

"Mr Stark, I know why you are here.", he blurted out bravely. _Oh yes?_ Bucky took a deep breath. "I'm never entering your house again." "Oh, is that so?" Tony smiled. Bucky was confused. "But, sir ... Y-you've told me this very clearly and unmistakingly: I'm out when ... I'm messing around again." „Have you given any drugs to Steve? Or have you been useing any drugs on my property?“ „NO!“ Bucky called in horror. "Sorry, no, _never_. I wouldn't ever ... _no!_ " he called out desperately. "Well, then we're having no problem there, have we?" "Uh ...", Bucky felt like an idiot, but in Tony Stark's presence everyone had to feel like that after all… „Bucky. I've told you on your lovely musical night event, I've been mistaken. And as I've dived into this topic a bit more recently I've come to a couple of conclusions, making pretty much sense in the aftermaths.“ „Which are?“, Bucky breathed in fear.

„First of all: I'm pretty sure your single only trip to the world of brainless drug abuse has taken place some time ago being connected to an abusive shit of a boyfriend using drugs on you to be in controll, manipulating you and be taking advance. Remember, I've had the unpleasant experience to be able to get a look at that man. You are in no way to blame for complying to his demands. This man was a manipulative, calculating, self-obsessed, vain example of human scum. AND you are NOT to be blamed in the slightest, just be aware and quite sure of that. You've been only a teen in some desparate state of trying to escape a heart-wrenching loneliness, which is leading me head on on to my next question: Do you love Steve?”

A dead silence was following this. _Woah_ , that'd come out of the blue. Bucky closed his eyes briefly. "S-sir …" "Remember, I'm here secretly and can never tell anyone, so we're here among ourselves and safe. Do you love Steve?” Bucky suddenly felt such an urge to confirm, he had had that in him for so long.

"I do, Mr. Stark."

"Then why aren't you doing anything?" Bucky looked up at the ceiling sighing: "His signals've been always so contradictory and I just love being his best friend. I don't want to lose that. I can't!” Tony was staring at the younger one. "Boy, ... oh my god! I've made the same mistake with Pep, uh, I mean, Mrs Stark. I've been waiting for clear signals until it's been almost too late!“ „What's gotten you on track back then?” Tony smiled at him widely. "Some good advice. And I'm giving that for you right now: Steve _is_ your best friend and you're his, forever! That's nothing one could change at any time being. Steve's aware you're gay. You're not going to lose his friendship over confessing to him. He's still going to be there for you, being your friend even if he's rejecting you for whatever reason. You aren't supposed to lose him!“ Bucky was in an awe. "You were told that about Mrs Stark once?" "As true as I'm sitting here." Bucky chewed on the inside of his cheek.

„Listen, my boy. There's more to those conclusions I've come up lately. And this night's pretty much is summing all of it up. These little encounters into trouble of yours... They've given me plenty of thinking. I know, you're a pretty smart guy, and ambitious, determined to your goals. A loyal friend – a decent person all-in-all. All of your current actions regarding being untypical to that code of your personality are connected to Steve in any way, aren't they?“ Bucky was glaring unbelieving and in confusion. „Take tonight. Who's idea has it been?“ „His...“, Bucky answered automatically against his will, being under Mr Stark's spell. „See, That's what I've thought. You just can't await or even expect any act on Steve's demand. The boy's currently only at the edge of exploring his newly-discovered sexuality. Tonight and that pull with having fake ID's, getting into a gay club, having some drinks... That's striking to me as the desparate attempt to be closer to you. Aren't you agreeing?“

Bucky – not ready for an instant answer – changed the topic: "Sir, about tonight. I'm very grateful to you for having this clever idea and you haven't had the slightest reason to do this for me ... So: thanks, really." Tony waved it off. "I think it's just counterproductive to criminalize young people for trifles, to put stones in their way to their future. You've created some harmless fakes to get yourself and your friend into a club trying to order some equally harmless margaritas there, hardly a violation of the Ten Commandments or whatever is the basis of our crazy laws. But you haven't give me an answer yet. Don't you think Steve could be having tried to be getting things on with you with all that?“ Bucky swallowed, thinking hard. „But...“ Tony interrupted again:

„For that different thing, having happened to you some short time ago... To be clear: I've stayed away of any investigation about your mysterious getting-of-the-hook there as you've wished for. But: It's perfectly clear to me there's something about it around the terms you've been setting formerly with not telling me about Steve's trip to intoxitating substances with his then-friends. I'm fine with that. Fine with your intentions and fine with your reasons behind all of that. Let me just state this: I could not be wishing for a more devoting, more compassionate, more loving or more determined partner for my offspring, my eldest son, my first-born, other than you. So, for the love of God. Get your shit together! Go on and get in action. It's appreciated and longed for, believe me!“

Bucky was stunned.

„Just be thinking about that a little bit. For another note: What's going on here at home? Why are you afraid of your father?” The sudden change of subject and the demanding tone of Tony's struck Bucky ice cold getting him into talking automatically.

"He ... I ...", the boy swallowed gathering himself. "He's drinking, he's lonely, his life is turned upside-down. He just can't accept me being gay ... oh, it's terribly complicated! But he's leaving me largely alone lately because I'm not contradicting him that often anymore. He's only hit me once since I' haven't been a child no longer.” _Once too often_ Tony thought, but wasn't not showing the raging anger in his stomach. "... he's almost never there anyway and I'm gonna be gone as soon as I'm finishing school."

Tony was calm on the outside, but Major Barnes would get a nasty surprise, that for sure without even knowing what was happening to him, but certainly _why_ it wouldt happen to him. He nodded encouragingly to Bucky saying casually, "One more thing: Would you like to have lunch with Mrs. Stark, Peter, Steve and me on Sunday?” Bucky smiled a little shyly at that. "Yes, very much so, Mr. Stark."

After he'd left, Bucky was going through the chat of their last 'conversation' with Steve again.

" _I'm so annoyed right now! He's treating me like a child!_ "

" _Steve ... just be glad he's taking it so easy right now. He's been pretty cool about all of this, hasn't he?_ "

" _Yes, of course. My genius dad's worked it out. Who else, with him being so great and incredible._ "

" _He's Tony fucking Stark, dude! And I've thought it was nice of him starting that Jeremy Baskin trick. I've had no idea myself how to get out of there so quickly. It's worked, why complaining?"_

" _I would have stayed with you, I wouldn't have called him if you hadn't urged me so vehemently. I would have stayed with you til the end of the line._ "

" _And of what use would that have been? It's okay, how it's turned out, pretty much perfect._ "

" _Perfect? Yes, of course! I couldn't have done it. My genius father, of course very well. What a surprise!_ "

" _Why are you so pissed off?_ "

" _I'm always in his shadows! He's smothering me! How am I supposed to ever be able to keep up with him?_ "

" _Hey, you're someone yourself! You're gonna achieve something, gonna be moving something in this world. But don't be so ungracious. You've got a fantastic dad!_ "

Steve hadn't answered anymore. And with his fresh input Bucky swallowed, reading the chat again with Steve's eyes and after he was determined to never mention Steve's dad's greatness ever again...

*

"Tony? What time is it? ", Pepper sounded very sleepy. "Uh, half past four." "Wha-at? Why are you up that late?“ „I've had something to solve.“ „You are completely crazy.“ „Oh yes, I know“ „I'm letting you sleep in intomorrow.“ „You are an angel.“ „About that...Interested in some nice encounter to marriage life?“ „Pep! It's half past four in the morning and in two hours our bundle of energy's waking up, little Miss I'm-not-so-obsessed-with-sex-as-you're-thinking.“ „Oh, then just go to sleep, old man." With that she was falling asleep again. _Gosh!_

*

Major Barnes had some mysterious email on his super secure military server one of the next few days. Subject: _Gotcha Asshole!_ Sender: _Your worst nightmare._ In the appendix, there was plenty of hard-and-solid evidence against him. Tax evasion, statements about sexual harassment on duty, embezzlement of state money, refusal to direct orders, even some picture of him with a - _male_ \- teenager in a compromitting pose! Text of this email was:  
  
" _Touch your boy only once again and I'm swearing to you to everything NOT holy to me - and that's a huge pile of shit - YOU ARE RUINED! Is that in every aspect clear to you, asshole?_ "

Major Barnes was treating his only child better from that day on.


	57. Finally...

**Finally...**

Steve was up early the next day leaving the house without breakfast. He didn't want to meet his dad. His _fantastic_ dad. Bucky's last message that night had annoyed him again. But he texted him anyway:

"Breakfast at Peaker's?"

Steve had been in the breakfast diner for a quarter of an hour when his cell phone vibrated.

" _You've been out for a jog this morning after last night's adventure? Eager beaver!_ ” It wasn't even nine yet. " _Your message's woken me up. I'm there in 10 minutes._ "

When Bucky entered the diner he was turning heads again with his still a bit damp hair looking very dark. Unshaven and wearing the leather jacket suiting him so well he was stunning! Unaffected by the attention received, he got straight to Steve's table smiling brightely. _Bucky's eyes are like sparkling stars!_ Steve was in an awe.

_Steve's eyes... blue like summer's sky after a clearing thunderstorm..._ Bucky thought. Steve had gotten an insane body throughout last year. His somewhat old-fashioned plaid shirt was stretching over his broad shoulders and it was Bucky's favorite. _Oh, gosh, don't you ever take my words for granted, punk, about changing your style..._ He suppressed a sigh.

"Hey, Steve!" "Hey Buck," Steve pushed a plate with pancakes over to him. Bucky generously spilled syrup on them. The waitress came for coffee and poured the boys some, swooning over them. Neither of them noticed or was even looking.

"Have you slept badly?" Bucky asked with a worried look. Steve laughed: "It's that obvious, yes?" "No!" Bucky called out a little too loudly. Everyone looked over at him. He went on in a lower voice: “I've just thought so. That was one hell of ride last night, wasn't it?" „True story. One for my autobiography: Getting arrested: check.“ „Oh, Stevie, there's still lots to be checked for making an interesting autobiography!“, Bucky smirked. „You tell me.“ Bucky changed the subject: „Why are you out that early?“

"Oh. I haven't wanted to meet _him_.”, The angry line between Steve's brows giving him such an adult male (sexy) look again was making Bucky swallow hard. "I know exactly what he's gonna say: Listen, Kiddo, I trust you, everything's cool. But there are very strict laws in New York. If you want to have some booze... Don't tell your mother, but you can have some from me. For once.” Bucky was amazed at how much Steve could be sounding like Mr Stark. “That's exactly how's it going to go. Ever the oh-so-cool-dad and ... Bucky, what is it? You're looking at me like you've seen a ghost!“, he laughed. Bucky fell in.

"Something like that. I've just thought there's been some bizarre body swap.” Steve thought for a moment. "Urgh ..." "Yes, exactly, isn't it?" Bucky laughed. "Suddenly 50, boom. And ... “, he was smirking a little dirtily by now. "... you'd have to sleep with your mother!" "Bucky!" Steve went deep red. Bucky loved it. "Or do you think your mom would let your dad get away with a 'no'?" Steve snorted. "Stop it, Bucky, the topic 'sex' in connection to my mother is really weird!" he continued the attack on his scrambled eggs.

"Then we're leaving your mother out on the topic." Steve looked up briefly, getting irritated. Bucky was looking at him so strangely. "You know what, Stevie? We're visiting old Franky D Roosevelt again.”, His friend had changed the subject again. "What? That's a two and a half hour drive!“ „We're hardly getting the Stark Industries' jet for that, so yes!” Bucky smiled broadly at Steve. His cheeks were reddening with joy. Steve _loved_ the national park with the museum.

" _Mom, Bucky's taking me to Roosevelt National Park! Don't wait for me with dinner._ "

Pepper smiled at Tony, who was just entering the kitchen. "Look! Maybe you don't have to do anything anymore.” She showed him the message. Tony raised his eyebrows. Steve's favorite place across the whole country. Bucky Barnes, finally a man of action, he thought with satisfaction.

"Daddy!" Peter came running into the kitchen clutching his father's legs. "Daddy arm!" the little boy ordered. "Haven't heard you, Underoos." "Daddy Mithda Thaak Tony please arm." With momentum, Tony put the boy on his hip pouring himself some coffee. "And what are you going to do today?" "Are you speaking to me or Peter?" Pepper laughed. "Both of you," was the prompt answer. "Loki needs new clothes, he's been growing so fast lately and Peter loves the children's paradise in the mall." Tony swallowed.

"Don't pull that face at me! You don't have to come with us!“ „But if you want me to, then ... ", he was interrupted. "I do not want you to. I don't feel like having you rolling your eyes constantly today,” she smirked at him. „Thor's gonna come, too. I'm having lunch with the boys in town. Just have a lazy Saturday.” Tony wanted to protest again, but Pepper pressed her index finger on his mouth. "Daddy be quiet ... shhht," Peter said when he saw that. His parents laughed.

*

The ride in Bucky's Pick-Up to the national park was enjoyable. They were listening to music, singing along, fooling around and all-in-all having a good time. At the museum, Steve was talking about his favorite thing in the world at every exhibit's vitrine. He knew so much about American history, being able to tell a lot of anecdotes loosening up the somewhat dry topic. He was in a good mood and Bucky was enjoying every second. His heart was pounding in his chest when seeing the glow in Steve's eyes, listening to the strength in his voice, and loudest and fastest when he hurried to the next showcase. Steve had such a great ass …

In the cottage on Dutchess Hill they were having a late lunch in the tasteful little restaurant. Steve took the bill after. "You don't have to do that." Steve smiled: I know, I don't have to. Take it as a thank you for the fantastic idea to bring me here.” Bucky beamed at the young waitress: “He's the boss!” She blushed a little going to the counter with Steve's credit card. "Aren't they cute, Cathy?", She whispered to her colleague and sighed: "It's always the cutest boys..." "How true!"

After lunch they were wandering around the national park until dawn. They'd never run out of conversation.

"And? What are you doing about college now?” Steve asked. Bucky shrugged. "I've had a few pretty poor grades lately. I'm having no choice but to go to the army. Dad's not ready to pay some civil college and Grandpa Buchanan's money's gonna all gone after high school.“ „What about a student loan? Have you done the maths again?” Steve would be happy to share his entire education money (all Stark children had generous college funds) with Bucky to make his dream come true. But he perfectly knew his pride would never allow that.

"A hundred times! However I'm turning it ... I can't go into debt for years if I want to start my own business, Steve. After all, I _can_ be serving in the military, okay, I'm sacrificing five years of my life, but then I'm going to attend college at government's expense being a debt-free man after. I'm even not yet 30 then.“ „But what if ... I mean, if something's happening... ”, Steve's voice died off. Bucky didn't want to hear about all the stuff possible to happen to him in the army. Steve was getting a stomachache from the thought alone each time.

That meant their ways were about to part after high school. Steve wanted to go to Columbia to degree in Social Sciences, English and Educational Sciences. He had painted student life with Bucky in the most beautiful colors! A small apartment, maybe in Brooklyn. Just the two of them ... He should have gotten used to the fact Bucky would always bring some men home, but he was with him, near him. Steve was chewing on his lower lip.

"And if I'm coming with you? To the army.” Bucky jumped looking at him in alarm. "Don't be a fool, Steve. You can go to Columbia! You don't want to sleep in a barrack in Tennesse for five years crawling around in the dirt every day!” He looked gloomily. "Bucky ...", Steve put a hand on his friend's shoulder. Bucky's heart skipped a moment. "I'm not above anything _you_ have to do. At least you would not be alone crawling in the dirt.” Time seemingly stood still. Bucky took a small step forward, Mr Stark's words in mind (You're gonna have to act!). Steve's lips were slightly parted, his hand tightening on Bucky's shoulder. A bright child's laugh tore them apart, a family with three kids came up the forest path. _Damn._ They covered their way back to the car in silence. Bucky silently was cursing that family and Steve was doing exactly the same.

Their embarrassment quickly vanished in the car with loud music leaving no room for this. Road trips were just the best! Bucky left the highway halfway down. Steve looked at him questioningly. "I've got an idea. Let yourself be surprised!“ He soon turned from the country road they'd landed on to an even smaller road and finally into some kind of forest path. Stopping at the end of the bumpy road they got out. In front of them the still surface of a lake was spread in the moonlight enchantingly. The starry sky was reflected in it. The sounds of the night were peaceful and they were – once again - feeling like the only people on the planet.

"Wow," Steve called out, moved. "What a view!" _Do it, Barnes, and do it now!_ He took a deep breath: „Stevie...“ Bucky's voice was trembling slightly. Steve looked over at him and froze. Bucky was staring at him intensely. „It is. What a sight. Beautiful, don't you think, Stevie? Like what you see?“ Steve swallowed. Was Bucky meaning what he'd thought he would? He blurted out in a hoarse voice: „I do. Gorgeous...“ This time it was Bucky who froze. „R-really, you think so? I've never believed. You know, this thing with being used to certain things, not being able to see them in a different light anymore because...“ „Bucky!“, Steve cried out, losing threat on Bucky's words, with his head spinning and his blood singing in his ears. He was suddenly looking a bit desperate, with huge eyes, heavy breathing and a somewhat pleading gaze.

"Bucky ... please“, Steve whispered, „I can't do it. You have to...” That was barely audibly but clear for Bucky, listening wth all might and heart. Something exploded in him. Joy? Happiness? Some rest of anxiety? _Oh god, Steve, is this real?You really meaning it?_ „Yeah, I know, Stevie. You can't. I ha-have to...“ His first step closer to Steve was tiny. He felt like blacking out any moment, feared his legs would give in, or his heart would explode out of his chest, leaving a horrific scenery. Nothing of that happened, the second step he took wasn't tiny anymore. Steve held out one trembling hand.

"P-please ... kiss me finally." He breathed, taking together all of his courage. Bucky swayed briefly just from being overwhelmed, knowing he would never ever in his whole life forget this moment, even not when he was about to get over 100 years old... Quickly closing the gap between them he gently pressed his lips to Steve's mouth. To this small, but full, pink mouth. A warm mouth with firm but soft all the same lips. A _perfect_ mouth. Steve closed his eyes, the sudden weakness in his knees making him sway a little. This was exactly what he'd imagined Bucky's full curvy lips would feel. Exactly? No, not exactly – better! No man's and no woman's mind in the whole world could make up this without the real life experience. Steve's own mind nearly went black only by trying to find the right words for _this_. This. His first-ever wonderful _perfect_ kiss. His legs were giving in a bit more. Bucky was wrapping an arm around his waist whispering against his lips:

"I've got you ... Please hold on me too, I'm feeling the same ..." The sensation of his breath against his sensitive skin got Steve shivering. He opened his eyes. Bucky was so close, so wonderfully close, and his eyes were so dark yet tender, and Steve hadn't even noticed he had wrapped his arms around Bucky's waist until he put his hand on the side of his face pulling him even closer . Their lips met again and this time Steve returned the kiss. He opened his mouth to Bucky's tentative tongue, soon melting away in his arms. This was heaven on earth. Much better than he had imagined in his wildest dreams which again had been a poor man's attempt to find earthly words for a thing made in heaven...

A little while later, they pulled away from each other breathing heavily looking into each other's eyes.

"That was really long overdue, Steven Howard Stark."

Steve felt a shiver trickle down his spine and this time it was him pulling the other one close to his body, wrapping his lean, smaller frame in a determined hug and this time it was him dominating the kiss. Bucky moaned under his breath letting himself being kissed. It was better than with any other man before. So much better! Steve reluctantly ended the kiss, but he had to tell Bucky, he had to. He whimpered a little when Steve let go of him.

"You could have done that way earlier, James Buchanan Barnes." "You too." "Me too."

Arm-in-arm they were enjoying the view and the warm pleasant closeness for a while.

"Tell me, how do you know this magical place?" Bucky cleared his throat embarrassed. "Somebody's showed me ..." _Oh._ Then Steve sniggered softly punching his upper arm playfully. "Dude!" "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.“ „You don't have to. Maybe it's better if at least one of us is aware of what he's...” Steve fell silent embarrassed, blushing. "Stevie ...", Bucky's voice was loving and tender. "Hm?", Steve didn't look at him.

"Look at me, baby." Oh, 'baby' sounded good, so good! Steve knew he couldn't get enough of that in a lifetime. He looked bravely into Bucky's beautiful eyes. "I _am_ aware what I'm doing, yes, and you probably think I've been around a lot ... but there's been noone important ever... Only you have ever mattered to me." Steve swallowed, there was a tingling sensation behind his eyelids. Tears ... And then they kissed again. First tenderly, even a bit chaste, then passionately, then a bit hesitant again. Bucky broke away from Steve whispering, "I know this has to be scaring you. You can stop it at any time. Just say 'stop'. I'm your best friend remaining that forever no matter what. Anytime, Stevie. "

He trembled a little pressing himself closer to Bucky, whispering: "I am _not_ scared, Bucky, I'm with _you_.“ He hold on him a bit firmer: „And I _don't_ want to say 'stop'. I don't _want_ to stop.” Bucky gasped and kissed him again. Steve returned the kiss so passionately and needily Bucky had trouble keeping himself upright. With the rest of his mind, he freed himself one last time from him breathing: "I've been in this relationship for two years longer than you, Stevie. If we're not taking a break now, I might not be able to take this as slow as appropriate ...“ „I don't want you to take it slow," Steve interrupted, pressing himself against Bucky's pounding and throbbing middle of his body. "I've known you half my life ..." he added. Then Bucky took him by the hand, thinking of the blankets and sleeping bags in the rear of the Pick-Up and he got a little dizzy.

He pulled him to the car, throwing all the blankets onto the loading area, climbed onto helping Steve to follow him. Nestled in a cozy blanket nest, they were cuddling under the starry sky. „Bucky... p-put your...put your hand on me.“ He let out a trembling breath, letting his hands ghosting shyly over Steve's upper body, his shoulders, caressing his neck, giving tiny pecks to it. „Get under my shirt, 'm needing this.“ And the first time Bucky ever touched Steve's bare chest left him shaking with arousal and need. Steve resolutely pushed his hand down along his body, helping ihm with the button on his pants and when Bucky reached into Steve's pants, he paused briefly.

"Woah, Steven, mamma mia." The chuckle Steve gave was a very satisfied one. "Erm, yes, it's not ... small, is it?", He tried to sound modest, failing miserably. Bucky giggled. "I'm a dwarf." Of course that was nonsense. Bucky was a tall man, and his penis fit to his body perfectly, not overly large, but, as he thought, of a pleasant form and sight. Steve laughed softly. "I'm not believing you. What's pressing to my leg down there, feels perfectly fine, let's see.“

Bucky's moan was stretched after gasping for air like a drowning man when Steve touched him for the very first time. They soon were making out in earnest and Bucky slid down Steve's body to this appetizing giant piece of cock magnetically attracting him. Steve's first blowjob from a man was a revelation. Probably because a man just was knowing what felt good. And Bucky, desperately humping Steve's shin, came into his pants when Steve whispered his name while coming deep in his mouth …

*

Pepper'd had a fun Saturday with her sons and Tony had been working on this year's Christmas presents. He'd for sure need one for Bucky, too, this year ... he was happy about it already having an idea!

The next day after the fateful evening, Tony wanted to talk about the fake ID's incident. His father had taken him aside after breakfast: "Steve. I can't buy you a college place at Columbia. When you're getting a criminal record, that's it. Just be careful, keep out of trouble. Please.” The urgency in his father's voice touched Steve, being in a touchy-feely mood anyway.

"Don't worry, Dad, I'm not getting into trouble anymore. It was ... embarrassing and a lesson for me.” Tony refrained from joking, only briefly squeezed Steve's shoulder. "Have you had a nice day yesterday, Steve?" He asked casually. Steve got a glassy look beaming at his father..

"The best day of my life!" Tony refrained from laughing at the exaggeration. Well, maybe it wasn't one at all ... "Dad ... before Bucky's coming over, well, he's told me you've invited him for lunch, that made him very happy, by the way, and before he's arriving, I want to ... so, uh …" _So this is the boy writing the most zippy essays in the whole family?_ Tony thought amused. "Me and him, so me and ... Bucky and me, we ..." Steve's skin color now reminded of a fire engine, Tony waited patiently, then Steve straightened his shoulders, lifted his chin a little and shouted: "We are a couple now!“

Tony clenched his fist inwardly triumphantly throwing it to the sky - hallelujah! Steve went on to say: "... hope that's not a problem for you because I don't care.“ _Problem for me?_ Tony shook his head briefly as if to get water from his ears. "Stop, Steven." His son's facial expression when he paused talking was murderous and disappointed and hurt but determined.

"How do you think I might have a problem with this?" "Bucky has been saying for a while he thinks you are annoyed by him. I've told you. Are you annoyed by him?" _Oh, that's hurting._ "Steve, ... And I've told you before, this is not the case at all. On the contrary: I'm happy. Two of you fitting together perfectly. “, He smiled at his son. He smiled back timidly.

"Yes, aren't we?" "Very much so. Do you want to tell your mother yourself?“ „Go, tell her, we're all eating together later and it should all be normal and not in the slightest embarrassing, You're having he best way wih mom.“ „Nobody will think about anything being embarrassing there, you know that, aren't you, Steve?“ Steve thought for a moment and nodded. "We're a good bunch, we Starks, aren't we?" Tony laughed: "The best! I have to go to the kitchen now. I hope you've had a breakfast. Lunch is going to be terrible.“ Steve laughed going to the hall to wait for Bucky there and Tony went to his wife to tell her the news, which would be no surprise at all for her while making her just as happy as himself.

Steve was waiting for Bucky and when he finally arrived he pulled him up the stairs eagerly. In his room he carefully locked the door turning to his boyfriend. Bucky immediately closed his arms around Steve kissing him. Long and deeply... After sighing away from each other, Bucky asked, "Have you slept well?" "Yeah, I have ..." Steve broke off, he wasn't that good at that. Bucky took his hand. "Me too, baby, I've also dreamed of you." He pulled Steve with him to the couch. There he also took his other hand kissing all ten fingertips one after the other. "I've dreamed of this." Bucky pressed his friend's palms against his own chest. Steve leaned against him reaching his hands under his shirt. "And me of this ..." He looked deep into his eyes. "... and both of us of this." Bucky kissed Steve again. He took off his shirt impatiently, his own immediately followed. Steve looked at Bucky's chest letting out:

"Oh ..." Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Have you seen, haven't you, what's new?" "I was looking forward to the piercing. Why aren't you wearing it? I can't even see the holes.” Steve sounded a little disappointed. Now Bucky made: "Oh." before telling Steve about the fake and body glue. “Unfortunately, it won't stick when you're getting down to business. I'm sorry you're disappointed.“ „Oh ... no, I'm not. Please kiss me again and touch me.” His boyfriend was only too happy to do so…

Bucky felt overwhelmed, as of being hit by a truck, so to speak, by Steve. He surprised him in every way. His boyfriend's somewhat conservative and sometimes oddly prudish manner had let him to believe he had to take a lot of time before being intimate. Not even close. Steve's pace regarding relationships, which he had joked a lot about with Peggy and Sharon, was completely different with Bucky. Express train actually, or jet plane, no, why not a moon rocket? Steve was impatient and eager to explore gay love so Bucky found himself on third base so confusing and so overwhelmingly fast which left him speechless.

Steve had equipped himself with lubricants of various nature and condoms in different sizes at the drug store early in the morning, and in his room he was now resolutely tackling Bucky's lame attempts to slow down a bit, well, just taking a little more time. But he was just a man after all, and when Steve performed the first blowjob of his life, breathing heavily through his nose, drooling violently and choking a little, and with way more enthusiasm than finesse, which was making it even better, Bucky was lost.

Steve swallowed everything like a real champ, even though Bucky had protested weakly. But Steve was stronger than him holding his hips firmly in place. After he wiped over his smeared lips and chin with the back of his hand in a really porn-like gesture looking at Bucky through his long eyelashes. "Well?" „Steve! I ..., you ... wow." Steve smirked satisfied.

"So ...", becoming businesslike he took out the condoms and the bottles of lube from his backpack. "Are you a top or a bottom?" Bucky after blinking some few times urged: "Stop." Steve frowned, the wonderful little line appearing over his nose, and Bucky sighed, "You're my early death again."

Steve laughed from deeply out of his throat. He was euphoric. He had been so nervous he would disappoint his boyfriend, who was so much more experienced, but Bucky seemed completely overwhelmed by his skills and Steve had searched up sex tips for gay love online half of last night. He felt well prepared. He had always been diligent. "Do you want to be whipping us through the first ten times in 20 hours or what? Well, you've always been an eager-beaver.” Bucky grinned. Steve looked a little offended and the line of disapproval on his forehead was back.

"Calm yah tits, baby. Just saying, aren't we supposed to enjoy this a little more longer? First kiss, first orgasm, first blowjob, everything done yet ... because ... after all, I've been longing for this for years!“ „Then why are you complaining?“ „I'm not!“ Bucky protested.

"So are we having sex now?" Bucky dropped his jaw. "Steve ... we're having lunch with your parents and Peter in half an hour." That was true. "Do you really want to show up with an after-sex look? Well, I don't, and there's not enough time for it anyway.” Steve was worrying his lower lip with his teeth, thinking. "All right," he called unwillingly, "then after lunch." Bucky could only be staring at him.

They put back on their clothes, straightened their hair, watching some YouTube clipss until it was time to go down. "My parents know about us, by the way." "That's ... good, for you I mean?" "Yes, that's good." Steve took his hand as they went down interlacing their fingers. Like this they arrived at the dining table. Mr and Mrs Stark said hello to Bucky in a friendly manner, Peter cheered with joy and the little boy pulled on Bucky's other hand, wanting him to sit next to him.

All was well.


	58. Coming out on Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the chapter there are pictures of our boy's costumes. Don't spoil yourself until they've decided on some... ;) 
> 
> Have fun!

**Coming out on Halloween**

Thor and Loki were missing at lunch. They were invited at Nebula's and Gamora's. Both girls liked cooking and did so well and because they were invited to the Starks so often, they wanted to reciprocate. Tony and Pepper had had a lot of fun in the kitchen with Peter. The little boy had enthusiastically kneaded dough shaping it into knobbly rolls. The vegetable filling intended for them was spilling out a little. The fish was a little overcooked, but the rice was a bit very grainy for that. The adult Starks were both a disaster in the kitchen. Cooking with Peter was more of a game.  
  
"Delicious, Mrs. Stark," Bucky said politely after a few bites. Pep laughed. "No, it's not, but thanks for the attempt." She looked conspiratorially at Steve. "If I were you, I'd worry. Your boyfriend is lying with a very smooth tongue.” Steve grinned. "I've seen him through, mom." "Feat, on such an obvious lie," Tony interjected. "I baked buns!" Peter cried out. Bucky smiled at the little one:  
  
" _They're_ even really delicious, Peter." "Peter-buns delithious," he sang happily. Pepper and Tony laughed, merrily chatting with their youngest. Peter babbled about his rolls and his Spider-Man apron and about Daddy's 'white nothe' (traces of flour). After lunch, his parents wanted to take the boy for a walk. Bucky offered to fix the kitchen with Steve. "Kind of you, boy, and very brave!" Tony laughed as they went out the door.  
  
When the kitchen was tidy, Steve flashed Bucky. "We're having a date." "You are incorrigible, you punk." "A jerk like you can't change that." "I don't want to, to be honest." "Let's go upstairs," Steve gasped, pulling Bucky up commandingly straight to his room. He could only shake his head inwardly.  _Gee_ ... But basically he was overjoyed. Once in the room, Steve told him, turning the key:  
  
“My parents want to go back and forth to the lookout tower with Peter, which's taking at least three hours. Thor and Loki aren't home. So ... are you a top or a bottom?” The determination in his voice would have deceived everyone, but not Bucky. "Steven ..." "What's going on?" Steve hadn't missed how hesitant and even a bit shy Bucky was suddenly. "You must be afraid. And that's completely okay. I was shitting my pants the first time. You don't have to prove anything here.” Steve looked at him thoughtfully for seconds. The inner conflict was clearly reflected in his striking features. "But ... don't you want me?" Bucky had to laugh. "Oh Stevie, you are so ... of course I want you!"  
  
Then he got serious again: "I have wanted you for so long, but I also know all of this about us, about me, this is new to you and is likely to frighten and confuse you and we can be waiting, honestly.  _I_ can wait. It doesn't matter. What we've done in a very short time so far has been overwhelming enough, fantastic and ... woah, I can't find any words. You are the fulfillment of all my dreams. Do take as much time as you need. "  
  
"I'm  _not_ confused, I'm clearer than I have been in ages," Steve replied, "I know I want this with you. I truely want it. But I've watched...  _things_ . It's all looking very… athletic and… a little rough… aggressive even, to be honest.” They were still at the door, facing each other. "Come 'ere, Stevie." Bucky took his hand pulling him to Steve's bed snuggling him up tightly.  
  
"Have you seen your first gay porn last night?" Bucky asked quietly. Steve hesitated. His honesty won. "No.” Bucky was silent, giving Steve time. "It was a few days after your birthday." Bucky took a hissing breath. That was seven months ago! But he remained silent. Steve continued, "I couldn't stop thinking about you and how sorry I was for what happened to you with the man who ... with whom ... you had been having sex for so long. And I've gotten  _curious_ . And then ...” Steve fell silent. Bucky looked him in the eyes, they were facing each other side by side, Steve on Bucky's arm. "Hold me tight," Steve breathed. Bucky pulled him closer and their noses touched with the slightest movement. "And then you've done your research." Steve swallowed. "Yes." It came quietly and somehow hurt.  
  
Bucky whispered: “Most porn is terrible, especially them you don't pay for. It takes a lot of time to separate the wheat from the chaff, or to find the few jewels in the huge pile of shit porn has to offer.” “I was thinking about you then, while jerking off.", Steve burst out now firm and very brave. Bucky froze.  _Months ago! Gosh_ , Steve was a punk! He immediately called himself to order choosing his next words with great care: 

"Well, you've been just worried about me, and rightly so! And porn noises are supposed to be a huge trun-on, don't worry so much about it.” “Bucky ... stop it.” “What do you mean?” “I was an idiot. I now know exactly what I've been doing back then. I was horny, I've wanted you and when I came, I've been choking out your name. Friends don't do that out of concern, do they? I reset my phone a day after to cover up all traces. The second time I've watched gay porn was right after Pride Day. Since then I've been doing it more often. All of this. Watching porn, thinking about you and getting off to both."  
  
Bucky was briefly speechless, then: "You are ... really?" "Yes, have been some of my best solo orgasms." Who would have thought that! What had happened to his Stevie overnight? A sex monster with no boundings? Well, it wasn't _that_ bad ... "The first time I've thought of you was ages ago. I was looking at some pic in Montana ... "  
  
"What? Spit it out, you punk. ”, He growled more gruffly than he'd actually wanted, but all his blood had rushed from his brain to his throbbing dick and there was nothing he could do about. Steve gently released himself taking his phone out of his pocket, tapped at it briefly, holding it up to Bucky after. The picture of Bucky on the forklift at Tesco's ... He reached for Steve's upper arms. "Steve! What the hell! Why have you ...? “, He fell silent.  
  
"I've wanted to. And then it happened to ... there was this cowgirl and you cheering on me for it and you had something going on with the guy from Tesco and then you've been so reserved when school started again and then there were Sharon and Jay and later Melissa ... I ..." Bucky ended Steve's chatter with a kiss cursing himself for the painful, wasted year lying behind him. "Oh, Stevie ... what could we'd have... how long could we have been able to ...", he fell silent. Steve went talking: "Maybe it's better that way. I've used the time to understand what that's meaning and you ... well, you've learned how to do it. Are we finally having sex now? "

Bucky felt like hit with a truck, being left with one thing he wanted to know: "And what's been your best orgasm with another person around?" Steve looked him deeply in the eye. "Yesterday. Deep in your skilful mouth.” Bucky groaned. "Good God, let's have sex right now." "Well, finally." Steve laughed. But of course after the violent making-out session following their conversation they were coming back on the logistics. "Top or bottom, Bucky?"  
  
"What do you want? I can do both.” “Dude, you're some show off!” Steve chuckled. "What do you want?" Bucky insisted. Steve thought for a moment... The bottom was mostly fucked pretty roughly in porn, but he replied bravely: "Well, I've read on the message boards it's advisable for the more experienced to top the first time. That's you.” Bucky was secretly relieved. This surprising, overwhelmingly brisk Steve with his huge dick, eager and at high speed would be a scary top. Of course, he said none of this out loud. "Are you scared?" "A little ... but I'm trusting you, you're taking good care of me, I'm sure." “'m gonna, baby, promise.”  
  
Bucky briefly reminded of his first time with Jay ( _this city planner_ ). He had also asked if he was afraid. Bucky hadn't been honest, but was no longer sure whether the bastard would have cared at all. The first few times he had taken him in such a "no-pain-no-gain" manner Bucky had almost been tempted to join church to be a monk. But shortly after, he was relaxing better - thanks to the poppers and the occasional other drug his boyfriend got him and at last Bucky had taken a liking to the thing. In this case, Steve's supposed to take a liking for it from the start and Bucky braced himself for a long time, hours, if necessary, to be patient and started stripping their clothes off, slowly, with lots of kisses, sweet words and caressess.  
  
And then his long-held greatest dream finally came true. Finally Steve was lying in front of him, prepared gently and patiently and with all finesse, full of desire, he had been close to orgasm several times. Bucky brought his mouth to hes ear, whispering: "It's going to be uncomfortable at first, even though I've made every effort, it's going to be unfamiliar and feel strange. Maybe it's burning, maybe even hurting a little and you're feeling like there is something wrong down there ... But: It's only brief, you're getting used to it by staying still, I'm doing that too. You're gonna adjust. And then, then ...“ Bucky's voice failed.  
  
"Do it," Steve whispered hoarsely. Bucky gasped, slowly pushing himself into the hot tightness. Steve gasped, his body tensing all the way down. "Relax, baby, breathe." Steve obeyed, his breath was shallow but not hectic. "You're doing so well, baby ... keep it up," Bucky murmured. He was giving Steve time to get used to the feeling after each inch. Steve held his breath every time until Bucky reminded him to breathe. 

Steve's hot breath on his skin, his clawing fingers in his upper arms, his legs wrapped around his waist, and his beloved face, twisted in the highest concentration, nearly knocked Bucky out of his mind, but he forced himself to be ironly disciplined, not wanting to spoil this. When he noticed Steve's breath leaving past his slightly opened lips with a relieved sound as he reached the special spot, making Steve sigh nearly inaudibly, all muscles in his whole body were suddenly softening, he knew he'd weathered the worst.  
  
"Baby, you 'lright? T'is feeling good?" He urged whispering. "Do that again." Steve gasped in response. Bucky gently aimed at the bundle of nerves in Steve's body a second time, this time pressing in a little firmer against. "Oooh my Goood ... _Fuck!_ " Steve groaned stretched becoming boneless under Bucky. _Finally_... Bottomed out, Bucky stayed still like deer at the sight of the wolf, giving Steve time to adjust. One minute or two later he started moving cautiously in him and had to exercise all control not to lose his mind, not to be wildly pounding into the love of his life. He had longed for this for so long!  
  
"More ..." Steve gasped at the hesitant nearly-not-to-be strokes. "Please, Bucky ... more, move _more_!" _Oh._ Over it was with Bucky's control and he pulled back a little pushing back in more vigorously. Steve moaned loudly, his fingers grabbing him again, tighter than ever before. "Yeah, right there, do that ... yeah, Bucky ... _fuck me_. Fuck me _harder_!" Bucky opened his eyes, between gritted teeth he pressed out : "If you keep talking so dirty, I'm forgetting myself." Steve's eyes were coming back to his face shimmering wild and demanding.  
  
"Good. Forget yourself. Fuck me until I don't know my own name anymore.” Bucky almost passed out from passion, lust and a raw hunger complied willingly. The words _bossy bottom_ were swimming on the surface of his spiraling thoughts for a short moment. Frantically smiling, he fucked Steve exactly the way he had asked him to. (...)

  
"Good heavens. Jesus, Maria and Joseph ...  _Steve_ ! “, It was much later. They were lying side by side with their fingers intertwined. "Something like that," Steve answered lazily. "That was better than ..." "... expected?" "Better than ever before!", Bucky sounded quite smitten. "Oh, Bucky." It was true. Bucky was on cloud No.9 and Steve's contented little laugh was already sending all his blood back to the center of his body. He turned to face Steve.  
  
"Is it too early to tell you..." "No!" Steve called. "It's rather too late, much too late. I love you too.” Bucky hid his face in the crook of Steve's neck. He knew he was crying a bit silently there, but said nothing about it, he felt the same way himself. Just the same ... "I love you more than anything ... Stevie ... I've done so forever now." Bucky whispered against Steve's skin a while later.

He simply wrapped him in his arms without a word, falling asleep together tightly embraced. When they woke up two hours later, Steve asked, "Why have you never said anything, never hit on me?" Bucky snorted: "I haven't fancied to be the creepy gay boy his friends are scared of in the locker room." “And what you've said about the man you're unrequited in love with, the one you can't have..." Bucky interrupted:  
  
"You've been that man, Steven, you've always been," Steve glanced at him in amazement. "Honestly?" "Yes, honestly, what have you thought? Oh, don't say anything, I don't think I want to hear it.” Steve giggled. "OK..."  
  


  
(Halloween)  
  
For the first week, they'd kept their relationship to themselves. Bucky had only written Shuri about , but she was as safe as Fort Knox. They'd rushed to Steve's house every day after school spending the afternoon happily together. Bucky had even taken a vacation from the SI internship. They would be coming out at the Halloween party at school on Friday with a couple's costume leaving no room for doubt. They'd tortured their heads every day when they were lying close together in Steve's bed after sex.  
  
"Quarterback and cheerleader?" "Are you sure you want to put on a cheerleader's costume?" Steve wrinkled his nose. "The one's for men don't look that bad!" "I don't want a football costume." "What would you like?" "Cop and bank robber?" "Sexy cop?" Bucky smiled. "With sexy bank robber. And handcuffs," Steve grinned back. "No, better not. In the end we're losing the key and I can't go to the toilet with you at school!” “No? Too bad,” Steve giggled. Bucky poked him, Steve poked back and the topic 'costumes' was quickly forgotten ...  
  
The next day Steve asked: "Is something going with your sensational Mad Hatter costume?" "Hm, I've thought about that too, I've seen great costume ideas for White Rabbit, but that's not exactly a couple's costume.” “Alexander the Great and his lover?” “The Greeks invented gay sex, so to speak. Suitable.” “But not everyone's accepting the two of them as a true couple.” “Give me the StarkPad.” Steve took it from the bedside table, Bucky surfed the media library starting a movie.

"Speaking of Greeks."  _Hercules._ Bucky's favorite Disney 'prince'. He even thought the small, lanky one was cute. Just like Steve had been, just like Steve ... and he came up with an idea. And when he showed Steve a fantastic Hercules costume the next day he had found on the Internet, he looked at him doubtfully. "What? You do have good legs! You can wear that!” Bucky laughed.  
  
"Do  _you_ want to dress up as a Disney princess? Honestly?” “Nonsense! Those are the Greeks. I'm going to be the lover of the sexy demigod of course. Let yourself be amazed.” Steve gave in and they ordered the costume. Bucky would have to make his himself, but he was pretty good at that ...  
  
The demigod's lover insisted on meeting him at the ball, strictly speaking in the catacombs under the auditorium, to which Bucky had keys due to improv theater. Steve was at school a quarter of an hour before the start of the party going downstairs where Bucky with the Hercules costume and whatever he was wearing was waiting for him. He knocked the agreed sign at the door and Bucky opened. Steve was speechless. His boyfriend had created a terrific male version of Megara from the Disney movie and was just looking fantastic. They kissed some minute, but then it was time to dress up Steve. Since the catacombs naturally had a dressing room, they admired their work in the mirror.  
  
"We're ...  _wow_ ." Steve was not very eloquent. "Yeah, we're an awesome couple!" Bucky whispered back, "Come on, let's go get up some gossip now!" His eyes glittered mischievously. Steve laughed, only a  _little_ nervous ... It went like wildfire through junior and senior: Steven Stark and Bucky Barnes had come in couple's costumes, going hand in hand!  
  
There was lots of bragging about having known for a long time while others remembered and talked about pre-Spring Break theater scene again. Steve suddenly was seen the romantic hero, in a desperate attempt to reveal to his great love. And Bucky Barnes acting cool all the time, leaving Steve in the dark, letting him wait and pine on and on for months! Barnes who'd never been seen with anyone, except for a strange, bloodless dating-like thing of a few weeks in Sophomore year. Who was idolized a lot and still so lonely, remaining separate and alone. Now everyone thought they knew exactly why. He had waited for Steve to get desparate, to prove him his true heart's love! What it's may have been after all, winning over James Barnes? Speculations went on and on the whole evening. Everyone was right and wrong at the same time, it was downright batshit crazy!  
  
The first people they really spoke to were Sam and Sharon, FBI agents Mulder and Scully for the evening. "You two know how to make a big appearance at a party, don't you?" Sharon laughed. Sam snorted, "Well, I'm not as surprised as I should be, but I still have to ask: It's not an ass crazy prank on your part, is it?" Bucky and Steve laughed at him, and after at each other briefly, they were kissing unmistakably and firmly on the mouth, even if for high school reasonable restraint. 

"Okaaaay. That's enough” Sam said dryly. "Is that all you want to say?" Steve asked, frowning slightly. Sam thought a short while, then: "Well, I just want to know one more thing: You are certainly not as surprised as the whole school, are you? When have you noticed?” “Years ago.” Bucky stated seriously with Steve sighing at the same time: "Much too late.” “Who's not fancying clear answers..." Sam shook his head and Sharon hugged both of them: "I'm happy, make the best of it."  
  
Bucky and Steve went dancing, accompanied by wolf-whistling and some cheers, but all in all good-naturedly. Sanctuary High was a place of high education, Students here were sexual educated. Pauline was also on the dance floor, in a breathtaking Cleopatra costume, accompanied by Kyle, not quite believing in his own luck, wearing one of the inevitable and multiple joker outfit this year, but there were almost as many Pennywise costumes at the party. The French girl greeted Steve with the typical but completely insignificant four airy cheek kisses, turning to Bucky muttering:  
  
"See, you 'ave 'ated me for nozing.” Bucky had to laugh, but a little forced. And when he was supposed to get the four fake kisses, he shook his head almost imperceptibly, she paused but was yet very close. He whispered: “Not for nothing. You _'_ ve  _been_ a bitch.” “And you've been a worzy but unbeatable opponent, congratulations. "  
  
After a round of dancing, they were searching for T'Challa and Shuri. The latter, as a sophomore, was allowed to attend the party because a senior high student had invited her; her brother. Both looked somewhat expected, but very striking in their Wakanda robes. Shuri bent over with a dramatic gesture acted picking something up and held out an imaginary object to Steve. He looked at her in confusion. "It's just the proverbial dropped penny. Let it be your lucky charm.” Then she beamed at Bucky hugging him.  
  
"You really can't let me be princess on my own, can you?" She whispered. "I just want to be his ..." he whispered back. T'Challa smiled at Steve: "Well done. I think that's the right thing for both of you.” “I'm sure of it” Steve said firmly. They all went over to the buffet. Steve and Bucky, fingers intertwined were followed by many looks and whispers wherever they passed.  
  
Bucky spotted Peggy and Daniel (Bonnie and Clyde) a little closer to the edge of the action and said, "Go on, I say hello to Peggy." Peggy Carter and Bucky now working together in a maths study group was still a little bit wrong with Steve, but he didn't argue. 

"Hey! Fantastic costumes! “, Bucky greeted the couple. "Well, nobody can win a prize against you today. You are by far the most original of the Disney couples.” Peggy laughed. "Although Ryan and Janet are looking very special as Arielle and Erik, you have to admit." Daniel smirked. Janet from Bucky's Drama class had very short black hair and was quite athletic; she was dressed as Erik and her fabulously humorous boyfriend Ryan as the most gruesome mermaid of all time, with human legs and a fish head on which the iconic Ariel wig was enthroned. "But at least they're pretty scary. We're just cheesy.” Bucky sighed.  
  
"But fitting though. While Hercules became mortal for Megara, Steve's just become... “, Peggy's chatter stopped, she blushed. "I've almost said something very stupid." "You haven't, it's okay." "I've read something in the girls' toilet earlier, it hasn't even been dry yet: 'Hide your boyfriends from Bucky Barnes, he makes them gay. I'm sorry.” “Well, at least now I know why I'm the only princess at the party not hitted on by a man. They're all well hidden,” Bucky joked halfheartedly. "Well, you don't need any anymore, do you?" "No ...", he looked dreamily over the crowd, Steve towereing over most of the students. "It's perfect like that."  
  
"It's perfect when you're finally getting Maths, don't forget that. You're having goals.” Peggy said sternly. "She's fun at parties," Bucky quipped in Daniel's direction. "But she's right," he only shrugged dryly. "Oh, I see, you are the second dream couple of the evening. See you guys! ”, With that Bucky struggled through the crowd back to Steve and their friends. They'd took some creepy snacks from the buffet standing on the edge of the dance floor now to admire the different costumes.  
  
"I've never seen your legs before," Shuri suddenly said to Bucky. He looked at her in confusion, then down at himself, then back at her.” “No?” “No.” “And what am I doing with this information now?” “Bucky's not wearing shorts below 40 degrees. He thinks they're making his legs shorter, visually. As if anything could make those endless long legs appear shorter.” “I see...”, she said stretched, "Assuming you're having a thing for legs or bodys in general being this tiny, I'm wondering you can look anywhere else, Steven.” “Sister ...” “What? Seriously! Check them out!” Bucky came into the conversation: “ _Tiny_? What's that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, White Wolf, there are warriors in our tribe with forearms stronger than your Ballerina's sticks, their upper arms broader then your tiny waist!” “Shuri!”, T'Challa hissed something in Wakandan. “Pff, as long Steven likes it. This I guess so...” “Bucky is _not_ tiny!”, Steve called. “Sweethearts! I'm still here!” “You see, sister! That was rude!” “Telling the truth is rude?” Steve and Bucky looked at each other smirking.  
  
While Bucky was amused by the siblings' loving brawl, he was pouting a bit, more than a little offended by the 'compliment' on his legs, by the way, Steve let his gaze wander over the subject of the discussion and he realized that he didn't even know what Bucky was wearing under his tunic. Bucky had an advantage there, he had finally helped Steve into his Hercules costume, including the tight-fitting retro boxers made of sturdy fabric that he wore over his underpants. He suddenly felt very warm.

"I'd like to get some fresh air, you go with me, Bucky?" Shuri looked at him mockingly: "It's almost November and you are wearing smaller dresses than the Spice Girls to their time. But get yourself pneumonia for a snog.” Bucky grinned, T'Challa shook his head and Steve blushed. Bucky whispered in his ear: "I still have the key for the dressing room, it's not as stiffling as in here." Shuri called out: “ _Whispering is_ rude. You say nothing about that, brother?” “I'm not responsible for either of them.” Before they had to see Shuri scold her older brother for that, they apologized hastily hurrying down the stairs to the catacombs and into the dressing room.  
  
"Well, air is better here, baby?" Bucky teased his demigod. "You've got _pretty_ legs. Endlessly long and well shaped.” “Do you think so?” he sounded a bit uncertain. He's never thought he wasn't having good legs, until now. "Don't know for sure yet. Guess I have to touch them a bit to be able to finally judge. “, Steve smiled taking a step towards Bucky. When he was standing directly in front of him he crouched a little putting a big warm hand around his left thigh pulling his leg up. It wrapped itself automatically around his waist, the fabric of his lilac robe slipping into Bucky's groin. Steve was stroking his entire thigh up and down, gently massaging his long, firm muscles, his soft hair tingling at his fingertips ...  
  
"Do you like what you feel?" Bucky whispered seductively. He had his hands clasped on Steve's neck for a better grip, slowly leaning his upper body back, which pressed his hip bone into Steve's crotch. He groaned under his breath, his hand jerked all the way up, under the fabric and still was only meeting with warm, soft, bare skin. Bucky no way was wearing retro boxers like him.  
  
"Where's that supposed to be heading, Bucky Barnes? You want to seduce me here?” He purred, his hand pausing even though he was burning with curiosity. "Could I?" Bucky breathed back. "In seconds!" Steve stated and his hand continued to explore, as if by itself. And when he found the apparently scarce minislip in the 80s Speedo style, he groaned. "Those are ... the most indecent undies you can imagine." "You like 'em?" "Oh yes.", With that Steve squeezed his fingers under the tight hem of the slip, digging them into Bucky's buttock. His posture immediately gave in. Swaying Steve quickly wrapped his free arm around his waist, hugging him and pushing them both to the dressing table.

There they briefly struggled with logistics, but then Bucky was sitting on the edge of the table, both legs wrapped around Steve, his big hands clasped his hips, ghosting over the hem of the tiny underpants again and again. Bucky's head had slumped back and he gasped when Steve kissed and licked his neck. He rummaged through Steve's hair, tugging on them. "Who's seducing whom here?" Bucky whispered hoarsely. Steve's laugh from deep out of his throat made his hips jerk forward by itself, and then a hard penis pressed against another. "Kiss me ..." Steve obeyed, rubbing himself against his boyfriend rhythmically. "I can't do this long without ..." "I know, me neither, let go, baby ..." The inevitable happened: their costumes were ruined.  
  
A while later, they assessed the damage. Bucky shrugged. "This is a dressing room. There is a sink and there is also a hair dryer. Let's fix the worst.” “The worst is your after-sex hairstyle!” Steve stated with a laugh. Bucky looked in the mirror. “Now I'm the perfectly costumed Greek demigod's lover. But you don't look very innocent either.” Steve laughed at the sight of him in the mirror. "Like right from a fight." "In bed." "Yeah, that's right." Bucky was already washing the stains from his tunic while they were bantering. It took almost 20 minutes for their costumes to be clean and dry again, and for her hair to be gotten somewhat in shape.  
  
"Back in action?" "Let's go!" On the way up, Bucky pushed his elbow into his side: "And? What do you think about my legs now?” Steve chuckled to himself. "Your legs are a national menace, Bucky Barnes. Shuri is – though a princess – only a silly little girl.” Bucky stopped his boyfriend. “Thank you.”, the shy look and the rosy cheeks were a rare sight of Bucky's. “You're welcome, pretty baby.” With that they kissed one last time again, before leaving for the party. "Dude ... and _dude_.", Sam was the first one they met again. He looked from one to the other: "We are at school!" Steve and Bucky looked at each other giggling like idiots. "Fancy borrowing the key for the catacombs for you and Agent Scully?” Bucky grinned. Sam's jaw dropped ...

(Disneyland character actor) 

(Cosplayer J Stryker) 


	59. Winter Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! Happily I'm gifting you one of my top three favourite chapters. I've had so much fun writing it. When some of you are having only half as much fun while reading it, I'm happy! There's no better times for some festive spirit than early May. *snickers
> 
> ***********************************************************************************************************************************************

**Winter Ball**

Christmas came quickly. The trimester highlight took place on the penultimate day of school before the Christmas holidays: the winter ball for juniors and seniors. The next day, both years no longer had any classes, they only had to attend the auditorium at ten o'clock to collect their reports and examination results.

Senior's Event Planning class had given the ball the motto _Misfit Toys Masquerade_ and the class had spent two weeks in the school's studios since Christmas party to create decorations. Gigantic ABC building blocks, huge model cars made of cardboard, almost man-sized beachballs made of chicken wire covered with paper mache and painted in brigth colours. Dennis and Bucky had built a life-size Barbie box for the souvenir pictures.

In the invitations, all students were asked to either dress up as a character from the _Rudolph_ story or, if they did not feel like it, they should color-match their ball robe or suits with their favorite toys and wear an accessory. Backdrops for the decorations were painted with toys such as a doll's house, fire engine and teddies. Whole of the class had brought toys from their childhood they still found at home and no longer needed, for the table decorations, everything would go to children's welfare afterwards , for which this year's income would also be donated.

For the crowning of ball king and queen, they'd made crowns based on the models from the _Rudolph_ film. In addition, all classmates had photographed each other in character costumes from the story and had had posters printed. Bucky was disguised as Rudolph in a rather tight, plush onesie standing half with his back to the camera. The frond, which served as a fluffy tail, looked very cheeky. Glancing over his shoulder at the camera he winked merrily over an LED-lit round red plastic nose. He was very cute and sexy. This outfit was also his ball's outfit. Steve would dress up as a tin soldier, gorgeous in red, blue and white, a uniform with the style of the classic one from the fairy tale 'The steadfast little tin soldier' complete with high black boots but of course on two healthy legs .

Bucky had been in a fantastic mood for weeks, bubbling with excitement, charming, amiable, funny and full of infectious festive mood. His eyes were sparkling like stars, his lips smiling all the time, and he had become Sanctuary High's most popular student by far. Many were convinced he had the best chance of becoming ball king. Pauline Beauregard had been on leave a few days before the holidays so she and her family could go to the Parliament Christmas party in Paris. It was questionable whether she would return to New York afterwards. Bucky wouldn't be the least bit sad.

That made the ball queen choice exciting: Jane Foster, now in junior year and Head Girl; Peggy Carter, who was hosting numerous clubs together with her boyfriend Daniel Sousa and was the foremost feminist at Sanctuary High, and Anne DeLaney, the football team's first cheerleader. Bucky didn't care at all. Nothing really mattered anymore except Steve and then Steve and again Steve and always Steve. He was floating on a cotton candy blanket of pink clouds. Everything in his life was so much better now, so radiantly beautiful and glittering and unique and ... hach ... But: exactly everything? _Everything_.

Except for his grades ... Bucky's head had become a bubble full of shooting stars, fairy dust and rainbowy glitter and tenderness and bliss and sex, sex, sex ... Steve was no different, but his grades weren't as forward-looking as Bucky's. He pushed the problem far back and was always thinking of Steve and only Steve when he got an average grade again and Steve was all that mattered. One of the most common and wonderful and stupid mistakes young people were making again and again when they experience their first true love.

Peggy had been holding about Bucky a lot of flaming about this stupidity, to no avail. Peggy even once appealed to Steve to make sure his sweetheart wasn't losing sight of his goals. Steve, who got a guilty conscience, tried his luck, but Bucky laughed and kissed and petted Steve's lame admonitions away, looking at him in love as if he had personally hung the moon and stars in the sky so he could quickly forgot his good intentions.  
  
The evening of the Winter Ball was there and Reindeer Bucky picked up Tin Soldier Steve at home, putting a single red rose onto his uniform, artistically tying the same red rose to the reindeer antlers he wore in the carefully groomed hair. "My ball-date!" He whispered. Steve smiled saying, "I'm going to the ball with the prettiest boy in school, _yay_!" Bucky beamed at him.

Tony and Pepper took dozens of pictures with shining eyes. Of course, Steve had also gone to all the school balls in junior year, with Sharon, and to prom, to which her had of course gone with Sam, Steve had gone with Alicia Hedgewick, a nice girl from his English class, whose boyfriend went to college in Florida. Of course Steve had always picked up the girls up and there were only pictures of him alone or those the girls had sent him later. Bucky had only gone to prom with Shuri in junior year.

Steve and Bucky posed in a good mood and a little silly for the pictures. Tony and Pepper thought each one was beautiful, and the two of them, hearty-eyed, went to the ballroom of a dance school rented for the event. Everything was looking great in the toy countryBucky's class had created. Steve was almost bursting with pride, he was here with the boy, whose reindeer poster was to be the most photographed decorative piece of the evening. They were standing in front of it and Steve whispered in his ear. "The tail is pretty saucy," while pinching him into the very same one, not without caressing his bottom. "Steve ..." Bucky smirked at him. "I don't have dressing room keys here." "Too bad."

"Hey kids, let yourself be bothered. I've got the feeling this tin soldier is not as steadfast as he's claiming.” Sharon laughed brightly at Sam's joke. Both were dressed very cute in matching elf costumes. "You two look awesome! Let's take a picture!” Bucky called and asked a junior girl looking at the poster right now, if she'd mind taking a picture of them. Given the live Bucky reindeer with his bright sparkling eyes and broad charming smile, she giggled a little, blushing, and took some pictures with Bucky's phone. „Have _Sovereigns_ already come? I'm curious to see what they're wearing!“ „We haven't seen them yet.”

The four of them strolled through the ballroom, where Steve, Sam and Sharon admired the fantastic decorations. Everyone took pictures of each other in different combinations in the Barbie box (not without donating the fee to the school's donation account), then went to the buffet. There they met Peggy and Daniel, who had come as Thin Santa and Mrs Claus. Bucky also praised their costumes extensively. He'd had the idea for the motto of the night and was happy about every costume from 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer & the Island of Misfit Toys'.

Of course, not all students wanted to dress up, but everyone still adhered to the dress code with the overarching theme of 'toys' with at least wearing an accessory. With their plates they looked for a table and Shuri spotted them coming to their table with her brother. T'Challa was the Toy Taker looking sinister and Shuri had disguised as the Tooth Fairy. Everyone admired each other. "Keep some seats for us, we're getting something to eat!" In the background the band was playing Christmas melodies quietly and unobtrusively, the actual dance was supposed to open at 7.30pm.

During the meal, Bucky kept an eye on the live feed of the Event Planning class with numerous enthusiastic reviews coming in almost continuously. He smiled contentedly, the ball was already a success. They also generated a lot of donations money for welfare: opening the dance was a much sought-after matter among most of the students. You could buy this "honor" by paying a basic fee of $ 100 to register on the server and then placing a bid, without knowing, of course, what the current highest bid was. The winner would be revealed at 7.20pm.  
  
Steve looked over Bucky's shoulder, over 70 registrations had already been received. He took out his phone opening the server. Bucky 'caught' him just in time and put his hand over the screen. "No, Steve, leave it be. We've never danced formally together. I haven't danced formally in ages, and I don't want to trip over your or my own large feet in front of everyone. It's also a little brazen making some wiener waltz out of the opening dance. Better let all the girls have fun, alright?"  
  
Steve laughed at the wiener waltz and was just a little disappointed. Bucky was right. But he would definitely dance with him later! The Barbie box pictures and the decorations for sale generated further donations. Bucky's poster was already 'sold' and, like everything else, would be left behind after the ball and handed over to its new rightful owner.  
  
Whoever bought the various items remained secret within the server until the end of the ball. The Barbie box at the stiff price of $ 300 was also gone, as was the giant Peggy, the Piggy Bank and a few of the ABC building blocks and beachballs. There was big money made tonight, Bucky calculated roughly and very contentedly in his head.  
  
The excitement increased and when the band played a drum roll and ink at 7.20 p.m. Kyle, wonderfully dressed as Yukon Cornelius, cheered for the band on stage, greeting all students in the name the senior high's Event Planning class thanking everyone for the large participation in the auction. The sum total of $ 11,357 had been raised. Bucky knew the registrations were $ 9,200, so they'd soon find out who bid $ 2,157 for the opening. After the applause subsided, the big moment was there.  
  
That crazy sum had been invested by Charles McIntosh III, the future heir to McIntosh Laboratory, a manufacturer of luxury home theater and audio equipment. He, that was his family, was filthily rich, Charles coming to school in a Porsche, wearing watches as expensive as Tony Stark and being the football team's quarterback. He was with Bucky in IT class, with Sharon in Economics and with Sam in Sports Science. He was also a snob, pretty sexist and a terrible show-off. None of the peer group around Bucky and Steve liked him.  
  
Charles strutted onto stage in a fine Armani suit with only a tiny concession to the dress code: he was wearing a Rudolph tie. The cheerleaders, as always a group of their own, like an island, gathering excitedly whispering, positioned themselves at the edge of the dance floor, at the very front of course Anne DeLaney, who of course didn't wear a costume either, none of the cheerleaders did. She wore a strapless, skin-tight, floor-length black dress and her concession to the dress code was a clutch in a Nintendo Switch design. Charles went to the microphone.

"Hello Sanctuary High!", He was cheered by his fans. "As you all know, I've come unaccompanied this year. It's just too difficult to decide with so many beautiful girls at our school. “, He winked, getting some more cheering again. Next to Bucky, Steve and their friends, Scott Lang was standing as Mr Cuddles. And he seemed to be here with Jane Foster (in a cute red and white polka dot dress like Dolly, the Little Doll)! Bucky remembered Scott being in her astronomy club. He snorted:

"I haven't known. As if this would be of interest for me." Bucky laughed nudging him: "I haven't known either. Such a narcistic noob.” Scott grinned at him. "QuarterHead." That's what the soccer team called the quarterback. "Team Soccs rocks!" "Who are you telling that?" They gave themselves a sideways brofist without taking their eyes off the action with Charles making a clown of himself, no, not a clown, he was a whole circus!

QuarterHead played a bit more with his audience, making it exciting. Everyone around Scott and Bucky rolled their eyes. Then the big moment was there, drum roll and Charles asked Jane Foster live on stage to open the ball with him. The room fell silent for a moment, then there was a loud murmur and whisper throughout the crowd. Jane, who was now found by a searchlight looked like being hit with a truck. She swallowed and clenching her jaw.

"Shitmove," Bucky whispered, "that's to be clarified up beforehand." "So true!" Sharon agreed. Everyone else was nodding and Scott said softly to Jane: "Say no, he hasn't deserve it any other way." "One dance isn't killing me. I don't want him to be my enemy. And the dance should finally begin, everyone's waiting for it.” With that, straightening her shoulders, she stepped, her head high, to the middle of the dance floor, with thunderous applause (not from the cheerleaders). She would not climb the stage, making this very clear. "Awesome girl!" Sam breathed, "Well, you know what I mean." Sharon laughed at him: "I'm absolutely with you on that!" "I wish Thor could have seen that." Steve sighed and Bucky scrunched up his nose to Scott Lang.

"You and Jane Foster?" "No!" Scott laughed, "we're just friends! Honestly. Actually, neither of us has wanted to come in the first pace. You can observe such an interesting constellation of stars with a comet crossing Orion's Belt tonight, Jane's got an incredible telescope at home! But then she can't stay away as Head Girl and so she's asked me out so she'd have someone with whom she could at least talk. And here I am.“ "Wow, you are a good friend!" "Are you kidding? I'm here with one of the most beautiful girls in school, hardly a sacrifice!” Lang laughed at him. But Bucky sensed it to be just fun: Of course Jane _was_ really one of the prettiest girls in school, but that was secondary to Scott. They were friends with a common loved hobby. Charles and Jane were now dancing to a well-to-dance waltz, her with a polite, cool smile and him with a proudly swollen chest. What a peacock! After a minute and a half, at Kyle's sign, many other couples joined the two on the dance floor, including T'Challa and Shuri, Peggy and Daniel, of course some cheerleaders with their partners, but Bucky and Steve went having a drink with Sam and Sharon .

Sam and Sharon weren't great dancers, and Steve wanted to save his first dance with Bucky for a song they really liked. They chatted, laughed, joked and blasphemed a little on guys like Charles and girls like the cheerleaders, one of whom was extremely happy to be asked by Charles McIntosh after Jane left him ice-cold after the waltz going to have some drinks with Scott. The two immediately started chatting visibly excited. The clique around Steve and Bucky were now on the edge of the dance floor watching the goings-on.

"Awesome ball, Bucky! You've done a great job.” Sharon smiled at him. "Thank you. And we're creating so many donations! The live feed's vibrating constantly in my pants.“ „Hopefully only that ... ", Sam growled, whereupon Steve burst out. "If only...!" "Hey, you haven't complained about au naturel yet!" Bucky called with a laugh, while Sam pulled in his shoulders a little uncomfortably. Sharon nudged him: "You've started!" "Yes, I've been probably out of my mind!" Bucky grinned at him: "Sometime during the evening I ought to check how steadfast my tin soldier really is. Can you recommend a suitable place for that?"

The arrival of Shuri and T'Challa saved Sam from having to answer because Shuri immediately pulled Bucky to the dance floor. The song being played was fast and funny, and she wanted to dance crazily, you could do that much better with Bucky than with her serious brother. Steve was overjoyed and very in love watching his sexy-cute reindeer and longed for their school's auditorium, for whose catacombs that sexy-cute reindeer was having a key ... "Dude! Don't make such a sex face!” Sam cried out. "Sorry ..." Steve muttered automatically, blushing. Everyone laughed.

"Your reindeer is likely to be Ball King, isn't he?" Sharon asked Steve. "Certainly! He's the most beautiful ... “, Steve paused somewhat embarrassed. "I mean, he's very popular." "Recently, yes." Steve frowned. "What do you mean by that?" Sharon sighed: "Of course Bucky has always been admired, even idlozied, but now everyone truely likes him, too. He's used to be so distant and mostly for himself and a bit dismissive." " _What?_ I really don't know what you're talking about, dismissive?” Steve laughed.

"Well, not with you, of course, with you, he has probably been this sweet, charming, lovable reindeer from tonight forever." She shrugged. "Uh." Steve made pretty unintelligent. Sam laughed a little at him. "What she wants to say is: you're doing that to him. Very simple.“ „Exactly.”, His girlfriend agreed. Steve thought for a moment and then looked very satisfied with himself. His friends were right!

"I hope Jane's gonna be Ball Queen. She was so cool earlier,” Sharon said now. "Every girl is better than DeLaney," Sam growled. "Anne is first cheerleader and was Ball Queen for the entire junior year," T'Challa objected. "Yeah," Steve groaned, "but we're all seniors now and smarter and more mature, maybe voting wiser this time." Everyone laughed out loud. "It's still high school!" Sam called. “The time of our lives when you're asking our parents. Isn't it? “, Steve looked around. "Probably. I'm satisfied.” Sharon clasped her fingers with Sams. He kissed her briefly. "I'm also very satisfied!", With that Steve was searching for his sexy-cute reindeer on the dance floor again and was happy about the small electric shock in his stomach at the sight of his boyfriend …  
  
Shuri and Bucky came back to the group, a little breathless and with heated faces, they had been rampaging wildly to Sweet's 'Ballroom Blitz'. Bucky took his coke from Steve and emptied it all at once. "Uh, tell me if I shall get you something to drink!" „No, why? Everything's all right now.”, Bucky pecked him quickly on the mouth and Steve laughed: „I'm getting another one.”“ Good, enough for both of us.”, Bucky smiled. The song that was played, 'Wipe Out' by The Ventures, was as energetic as the number before and Sam and Sharon went dancing - well, more of a rampage as well. Dancing sporty was totally their thing. Shuri and T'Challa chose pictures on their cell phones they wanted to send their parents from the event, and Steve and Bucky were standing close together, arms loosely around their hips, looking each other in the eye.

"I wish I was alone with you now, in my room, in my bed." Steve whispered in his ear. "You are incredible! This is my ball! And my tin soldier's never even danced with me.” Bucky pouted. Steve whispered, "I'm waiting for the right song. And even more I'm waiting for later, after the ball, when you're finally laying me.” Bucky felt a shiver going down his spine. Steve's deep, promising voice, his beguiling after-shave, his inconspicuously stroking fingers on his flank looking at him, with his eyelids lowered, through his ridiculously long eyelashes... "Steve .." Bucky sighed. "We have to get out of here briefly, I need to kiss you for real..."

At that moment the band announced a song for all those in love able to master a slow waltz: 'Can you feel the love Tonight' from 'The Lion King'. Both opened their eyes widely, as if electrified, and Steve said: "The right song!" "Definitely!" Bucky nodded and let Steve pull him onto the dance floor. Many pairs of eyes were on them. They gave a ridiculous picture for half a minute. As a matter of course, each of the two put his right hand in the other's small of the back and stretched out his left, then they resolutely took each other's elbows and both then tried to lead, both of them taking the men's steps, stepping on their feet clinging on each other as they stumbled, laughing brightly, and they overall were just mercilessly cute.

Then they agreed on Bucky, finally a tad smaller than Steve, taking the women's steps. He put his left hand on Steve's upper arm, while Steve's right hand pulled him close, their hands found each other holding on very tightly. They still had to concentrate a few beats, especially Bucky, but he let himself be guided and soon they were dancing a decent slow waltz looking at each other as if no one else was around. This elicited a lot of sighs from their classmates and some 'How cute!'- calls. "I love you," Bucky uttered, beaming. Steve's breath stopped short, Bucky was so beautiful and looked at him so special. "I love you too," he said firmly, pulling him even closer, it was actually possible. No sheet of paper would fit between them anymore.

"You make me so happy, Bucky. After the dance we have to steal a little moment to ourselves. I want to ... I want you to kiss me properly and ... besides …" Steve's breath wasn't exactly straight anymore … "Besides?" Bucky breathed. "I'm terribly turned on," Steve breathed back. "I'm noticing," Bucky laughed softly. "Help me about it after the dance?" "With pleasure." Bucky's eyes sparkled as he hugged Steve's body even more. They hardly danced properly anymore, only swaying back and forth in step. Shuri on the edge of the dance floor said dryly: "Hopefully the song will be over soon, it's going to be embarrassing and no longer suitable for minors." "Sister!" T'Challa gave half laughing, half reproachful tsas. "I'm sure you can see that too," she said lightly. "I'm looking away." "You're missing something." T'Challa laughed ...

The song ended and both came back with red cheeks and a somewhat idiotic grin. "Looking at you like this, you can only be surprised." Sharon shook his head. "Why is that?" Steve frowned. "That this has taken so long." "Says the one who snatched him from under my nose." Bucky grinned cheekily at her. She laughed: "Oh, and who's to blame?" "Steve," came in three different voices from Shuri, T'Challa and Bucky. He looked at them all acting outraged. "Heh!"  
  
"For my sake, you could have made your point earlier, too." Sam growled good-naturedly towards Bucky. "Then it wouldn't have taken me that long either." "So it's Bucky's fault, not mine!" Steve said with a laugh. "Me? I am completely innocent. An angel, an unsuspecting baby!” Everyone laughed. "A likely story!" Sam cried out. Bucky looked at his cell phone. "I've been at least for 27 hours now, technically." "That long?" Steve groaned exaggeratedly. "No wonder I want to kiss you all the time." "Take a room!"

"Children ...", Shuri of all people, by far the youngest of the group, had put on a strict schoolmamish look, "Sam is right, the two of you are really a little overheated. Would this be such an ice world themed party, all ice swans would have melted long ago.“ Steve and Bucky looked at each other snorting. Their life was just wonderful! Then Steve took Bucky's hand and, with little regret, waved towards their friends pulling his boyfriend to the exit. Those left behind looked at each other, shrugged grinning. "Let's dance!" The song was Calvin Harris' Rag'n'Bone Man. In a somewhat swingy version, and since this was a ball, Sam and Sharon also went dancing with their friends.

Steve, Bucky still holding on to his hand, looked around the ballroom foyer a little perplexed. The very sleepy and somewhat thick-looking guy guarding the cloakroom wasn't paying attention to them, eyes fixed on a notepad, headphones in his ears. Steve let go of Bucky's hand, went over tapping him on the shoulder. The young man, perhaps a student, flinched taking out the earplugs. "Number?" "No, no. I don't want my jacket at all. We, the students of Sanctuary Senior High, would like to invite you to have something to eat at the buffet, the evening is long. Go right away, I'm keeping an eye on this for as long. "

The man might have feared a prank with a less honest-looking student, but not with Steve, who offered a picture of integrity in his tin soldier style and facial expression of a scout boys' leader. Bucky, watching the spectacle from afar, cringed with silent laughter. The student offered Steve his chair, trudging off toward the ballroom. Steve leaned back in the chair glancing very smugly in Bucky's direction. He moved towering himself up a bit in front of his boyfriend.

"Hey. I have a little problem, I've lost this note and I don't remember my number. Can you let me in, so I can find my jacket?“ „Hm, how do I know the jacket you're taking is really yours? Those having a ball here today are from a very posh school, there sure is very expensive fiddle-faddle in there.“ Bucky was trembling with suppressed cheerfulness. Steve was so cute! "I can tell you exactly what's in my pockets so you can control it. Does that sound fair?“ „Pretty fair. So what's in your pockets? "

"Tissues." "Hm, not very convincing. What else?“ „Some mints.“ „Anything more specific, perhaps?" Bucky bit his lower lip, looking around furtively, leaning forward, bringing his lips close to Steve's ear. “Condoms, from Glyder, one even tasting like blueberries. Specific enough?“ „Is that true?" That was Steve again, not the wardrobe boy anymore. His breath going a little faster he was a little stained on the neck. "Would I lie to you? I want my jacket back. Are you letting me in now Then I'm showing you ... the jacket.” Steve got up quickly, opening the half-door to the cloakroom. They looked around again and with noone to see they scurried into the dressing room.

"Gallifrey technology; bigger on the inside” Bucky whispered. They had walked a bit away from the entrance, certainly not visible from outside, and were very close to each other. It was dim and warm, smelling a little of wet wool, dust, mothballs and wood polish. Bucky's hands groped for Steve's and they clasped all their fingers.

"Kiss me," Steve breathed, and Bucky straightened his body, tiptoed a little, and lifted his chin to make up for the four inches Steve had on him this night with those boots. Steve tilted his head a little and Bucky gently pressed his closed lips to his mouth, taking his time, listening to Steve breathing through his nose, first quietly, then a little faster and when he licked Steve's upper lip, Steve hissed and let him in. They only touched their hands during the tenderly playful kiss losing themselves in each other.

This was in no hurry, no urgency, they wouldn't be able to do much more anyway, that was clear to them, leaving all the flirting and talk about blueberry condoms besides, so why not savor every second of it properly? They were kissing like this for minutes until Steve pulled away. "When I'm alone with you for any time longer, I can't guarantee anything," he whispered to him, breath of his words on Bucky's lips. "I know, baby, I feel the same way." "Abort mission?" Steve asked regretfully. "It's better this way. And remember, I'm with you all night. Anticipation is also nice, isn't it? "

"One more kiss." Bucky put his hands on his chest, kissed him quickly and briefly on the corner of his mouth. If in doubt, he wouldn't be able to resist Steve anyway, time to break it off. He looked a little surprised and disappointed, but then sighed ... Bucky was right. They left the wardrobe room, Steve sat back on the chair. After all, he had promised to be take care. "Go, talk to your classmates, you all have to be very proud of this ball." Bucky looked at him gratefully and very much in love. "Okay." "I'm finding you!" "I'm asking for it." "Now go!"

The first one he ran into in the ballroom was Dennis, disguised as a gingerbread guard. "Bucky! Cash till keeps ringing! It's incredible, we're already close to $ 20,000! Babs's just had a great idea and we need you for that“ „What am I about to do?“ „Picture opportunity. A few of us are through with it, we're taking $ 20 a pic. We've been looking for you all the time, where have you been? Hopefully in shirt and pants.“ „Unfortunately yes!" Bucky grinned back. They walked side by side to the improvised picture opportunity wall, where there was a winter forest backdrop, a dollhouse backdrop, or for them who liked, a simple mid-blue background. At the moment, Janet, dressed as Dolly, was standing in front of the dollhouse backdrop taking pictures with students. There was a considerable number of girls in an improvised queue, tied up with ropes like at a comic-convention. "Wow!" Bucky called in amazement. "So many people want a picture with one of us?"

Dennis grinned. "Wrong, they're all waiting for you." Bucky's eyes shot to him. He didn't seem to be kidding, just amused by Bucky's sudden embarrassment. "Everything for donations!", He slapped him on the shoulder in a friendly manner and Bucky replaced Janet, standing in front of the winter forest taking pictures with part giggling, part languishing but mostly simply good-natured girls in partying mood. By the way, not a single cheerleader was among them ... There were many typical posing pictures, but also funny or crazy ones, a group picture every now and then. Actually it was really fun! And Dennis, who was watching him, had literally dollar signs in his eyes, constantly giving him a thumb up or two, and that's what Steve found him like ten minutes later.

"What are you doing here?" He stared at Dennis. “Generating donations. Be glad I didn't put your sweetheart in a kiss-me-booth!“ Steve was briefly speechless, but then had to laugh. "Then I'm queuing up for a good cause, I guess." "Awesome, Steve!" When it was Steve's turn, Bucky smiled as supernova-bright as he did only for him. "Do five!" He called over his shoulder to Babs, who was the best photographer in the class using the school's professional camera for the pictures. "Tell when you're ready!" She replied.

"You decide!" He took Bucky in his arms putting his forehead against his, click. Then he stood behind Bucky wrapping both arms around his chest, Bucky's head slumped on his shoulder, click. Then he took him piggyback for a picture and for the next they were standing back to back, Steve very tight, a tin soldier and Bucky leaning casually against him. The last picture should be natural, Babs suggested. Steve and Bucky looked at each other helplessly and when they turned back to Babs, she snapped them. The picture on which they both looked a bit flabbergasted, Bucky with huge eyes and Steve with a hanging jaw, would one day be one of their favorite high school pictures!

Afterwards they mingled a little, holding small talk with students from their classes, danced a few times with each other, but not as intimately as the first time, danced with other people. But like two objects in space they were drawn together again and again and they were never far apart, never separated for long. Scott and Jane had set up a live connection to NASA on a laptop and at the best observable time of the comet passing Orion's Belt, Steve and Bucky and a few other nerds joined their table far back in the ballroom.

The coronation of King and Queen was imminent and the excitement clearly noticeable. However, three of the hottest candidates made little of it: Peggy, Jane, and Bucky ... Jane was excitedly discussing with her nerds-from-outer-space, as Steve called her club, Peggy, whose boyfriend couldn't dance long with his bad leg, was already working on an article for the school newspaper about this silly sexist tradition, regardless of who was voted, Daniel's gaze lingering lovingly and proud on her all the time. Bucky saw it with satisfaction, Bravo, Peggy! And Bucky? In the course of the eventful evening, he had completely forgotten that this was still due. As far as he knows, most people voted for QuarterHead and the first cheerleader at every ball.

Again it was Kyle, who had been moderating the whole evening, announcing the upcoming reveal of the results. Denise and Janet pushed the trolley onto the stage on which the crowns of King Moonracer and Queen Camilla were perched on a red velvet cushion. At least it was a bit funny, no tiara and no purple velvet plum as usual. Kyle would be giving the voting results onto the projector right away. Everyone gathered, eyes on the blank canvas on which the Rudolph film had been the entire evening, alternating with a photo-slide show of the class working on the ball for the past two weeks. Many held their breath.

First: the Ball King. Third place was shown, a murmur went through the crowd: T'Challa Udako! His friends cheered, laughing at the Prince's utterly puzzled face. Shuri laughed the loudest at him. "Almost Ball King! You could have practiced governing!” Second place: Charles McIntosh III. Disappointed and somewhat bitchy murmur from the cheerleaders and a surprising whisper from many groups, the quarterback was not king of the ball! First place: James Buchanan Barnes. About half of the students burst into cheering and applause. Bucky looked like he had been hit by a truck while his friends, Steve on front, almost crushed him in a cluster of hugs and kisses.

"Come on stage, Rudolph!" Kyle laughed into the microphone. Steve let go of him, Shuri pushed him, Sharon hurried after him on the way, straightened his antlers and reminded him to put his nose back on. Bucky climbed the steps and went over to Kyle. He punched his upper arm. Steve took a thousand pictures - roughly. "And now we need a queen for Rudolph!" Kyle cried out, "right?", Laughing, he held the mic under Bucky's nose. "I'm not having the time for a queen, I still have to practice formation flying with the other reindeer, time is running out! My tight free time is already reserved elsewhere.”, He searched for Steve in the audience thowing him a kissing hand, the unison sigh going through the crowd made him smile widely.

"Now to the queen!" Kyle started the clip. Third place: Anne DeLaney. Some cheering and another astonished murmur from the cheerleaders. Second place: Jane Foster. Applause and loud cheers from the nerds. First place: Margaret Carter. More applause, triumphant woos from many girls. This year's Winter Ball election was a big step against high school sexism. A gay king and a feminist queen! "Peggy, please come on stage too." Kyle asked the annoyed looking girl, who quickly put her pen behind her ear, pushing her notebook into Daniel's hands she went to the stage, climbing the stairs. She held out her hand to Bucky, with a grim expression on her face and raised eyebrows. Kyle had given him the mic and he spoke in.

"Don't look so grim! You don't have to kiss me. Please, don't scare me!” Everyone, including Peggy, burst out laughing. "You can't kiss with this nose anyway, so give me your hand." "But yes, he can!" Steve shouted loudly from the crowd and immediately blushed to the color of beetroot. Did he really shout that out loud? Many laughed again. "Kyle has just told me we are expected to say a few words. I'm starting then. ”, Bucky spoke when it calmed down again.

"First of all, thank you. This was ...a surprise. I have never been one of this school's elitist inner circle's people. I'm playing soccer, like Disney films. I'm not even in a band! And besides, I'm gay.“, He paused for a moment, grinning to himself. "It has probably gotten to everyone by now." That was laughed at. “In any case, I have always done my thing and never denied who or what I am and I want to pass this on to everyone who might be struggling: you nerds, you niche athletes, you who have experienced a misfortune that you're accompanied for life and you who, like me, may not accord to the expectations about a supposedly normal high school love life ... Well, seriously, I can’t represent the scientifically collected statistical four percent at this school all by myself, if you know what I mean.”, he winked. There was laughter again.

"As I said: Thanks for this surprise. It actually means something to me, although I haven't thought so before, but for the very reasons that I've been just trying to explain.” He waved into the crowd, catching Steve's sight, which was bursting with pride, admiration and love. Then he handed the microphone to Peggy. Peggy smiled at him turning to the crowd: "How about some applause for his good speech?" The crowd clapped cheering. "No, honestly," after the applause subsided,

"What am I supposed to say now? I am currently writing an article for the school newspaper about outdated sexist high school rituals. Number one: Ball Queen and Ball King. Oops, now _I'm_ Ball Queen. Not a cheerleader, not the lead singer of the school band, not the leading role in every romantic play. But someone who is committed to change and renewal, who wants to break through and fight outdated, dusty patterns and you have voted for me! Me, the president of the maths club! Now the concept of king's and queen's election suddenly isn't so terrible to me anymore. But the reason behind is not vanity. The reason is things are changing and I'm proud to be part of this school community where a gay footballer - and we're talking about _English_ football here - and a feminism activist have been elected to the royal ball couple. Thank you all!"

Applause and cheers rose, Peggy's and Bucky's names were called coupled with hurras. Kyle then 'crowned' Bucky and he 'crowned' 'his' queen kissed her hand impliedly and she kissed his red nose and then the two were supposed to open the last dance round of the evening. Bucky and Peggy briefly discussed this with the band, walked down the stairs to the dance floor with roaring applause. The band hit the beat playing ... Gloria Gaynors 'I am What I am', which suited them both very well. Bucky and Peggy danced a disco fox together until Kyle on stage gave the signal to everyone else who wanted to join.

Peggy and Bucky grinned at each other loosening their dance posture, going on with freestyle. The dance floor had never before been so crowded the whole evening. Steve struggled through to Bucky catching him. "I'm so proud of you! This is insanity, baby!“, He exclaimed enthusiastically, kissing him hard on the mouth (perfectly well-going with that nose!) and the two of them were dancing jollily with all their friends. Jane Foster and Scott Lang also danced together for the first time tonight. And everyone had a great time together. All except Charles McIntosh III and the cheerleaders. Their days at high school as the predominant ones seemed long gone ...

After the song, the clique around Bucky and Steve as well as Peggy and Daniel, who hadn't been able to dance, found themselves at the drinks stand, getting cola, ginger ale, juice and root beer and stayed together at a bar table. Bucky had his crown hanging in his elbow and Peggy put hers on crookedly. "Straighten your crown right now!" Bucky called, "Show a little more royal dignity!" "You're one to talk!" She laughed. "Just do it." Peggy did as told and Bucky held out his crown to Daniel. "She's your queen, take it!" He looked at him skeptically, then smiled and said: "What you've said about those having had a misfortune that would always accompany them ... That was very nice. Thank you. I'm fine, though.” With that he looked over at Peggy. Shuri snorted, took the crown from Bucky and put it on Daniel's head. "So. Now kiss, we're taking a picture!” Peggy and Daniel looked at each other laughing, then kissed and were photographed.

Peggy resolutely took off Bucky's crown from her boyfriend's head, as well as her own, holding out both of them to Steve and Bucky. "Do with them what you want." Bucky giggled and Steve said: "If I'm taking off this soldier's helmet now, my hair will be a mess." Bucky took the king's crown putting it on Steves high soldier's helmet, and then carefully hung the queen's one onto one of his reindeer antlers. Shuri took pictures. Daniel Sousa stated dryly: "Steve is the only one of us who can later tell that he's made out with the ball queen _and_ the ball king." Everyone gave a quick start and then burst out laughing. However, Steve turned bright red. _Gosh, Daniel. Still waters run deep!_

The evening ended joyful and was officially terminated at 11 p.m. The seniors of the class met backstage to discuss the cleanup the next day after winter graduation. They stuck post-its to the sold decorations (Sharon had bought Bucky's reindeer poster! Probably a Christmas present for Steve). The Barbie box was now owned by Charles McIntosh III. Of course, he had comforted himself with Anne DeLaney the rest of the evening at the outcome of the election. His Barbie needed a box!)

The ball raised $ 31,335! Everyone was more than satisfied. That was the highest result in Sanctuary High's history. Steve waited impatiently for Bucky in the foyer and when he finally came he pulled him into his arms and since the official part of the evening was over they kissed properly. _Finally._ "Take me home!" Steve whispered. "Are you tired, Stevie?" Bucky teased. "I want to sleep with the Ball King," Steve stated firmly. Bucky took a deep breath. "Well then, go on!" Steve had already brought their jackets checking Bucky's pockets. The blueberry condom really existed! "I've found the blueberry condom," Steve whispered as they went out. "Have you thought I was lying? I'm never lying!“ Bucky giggeld. "Blueberries are my favorite fruit." "I know, dipshit. Why else...“, Steve choked the rest in a wild kiss.

Bucky had to admonish him constantly on the way to Steve's home. "We're going to the ditch right away, punk!" He had to concentrate on the street. Steve should finally stop touching him all the time! Well, no, he shouldn't. Fortunately, they arrived safely. They sneaked into the house, but Tony, who could never rest when one of his children wasn't safe near him late at night, was still awake waiting in the kitchen. He ran into the hall at the quiet but audible noises the returnees made.

"Hey! Have you had a nice ball?“ „Bucky is made Ball King, Dad!” Steve burst out excitedly. Tony laughed calling out: "Awesome! We're living in good times, I have to tell Uncle Jim right away. I'm going upstairs. You've now arrived safely after all. You definitely want to withdraw. It was a long evening.“ _Ball King!_ Steve _had_ to be so crazy about Bucky, his father didn't want to push them into small talk, that could be done as well the next day ...

Steve _was_ crazy about Bucky and Bucky was crazy about Steve. Both were very turned on and the blueberry condom was used and then another one and after they were leaving each other exhausted and very satisfied, it was almost four in the morning. They had to be in the auditorium in six hours and then clean up the ballroom from yesterday evening (Steve had of course entered the volunteer list).

"I love you." "I love you too."


	60. "I hope you've got a present for me."

**"I hope you've got a present for me."**

Getting Bucky out of bed in the morning wasn't easy. After only five hours of sleep, it was a true Herculean task. Steve gently shook him, kissing his temple after he had found it under the wild mop of his hair, he called softly: "We have to get up, baby, wake up." Bucky grunted something definitely unfriendly, but Steve ignored it graciously, continiously shaking him gently. "We have to get up." Bucky clutched Steve with one leg and one arm. "f've m're m'n'tes ..." The gibberish explained itself though its equivocality. Steve tried a different strategy: "You have to fix your hair, blow dry probably! What do you think your hair's looking like this morning?“ „I am the ball king and adorable. Be quiet.”, At least he sounded a little more awake. Steve laughed softly.

He would love to never get out of bed again, let alone Bucky's clinging. "Come on, everyone is already gone, they've sure left some nice breakfast for us. We're just showering together in a time-saving way and then ...“ „This is guaranteed to save time when we're showering together." Well, for sarcasm there had to have awakened a few more spirits by now. "Then you have to go first. I'm going when you blow dry your mop.” With that Steve resolutely withdrew Bucky's hug pushing him out of bed. He unfolded his long limbs awkwardly finally having both of his feet on the floor in front of the bed. "You are a monster, Steven Stark. You don't love me anymore.“, He pouted, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Go take a shower, you jerk!" Steve replied amused. Bucky toddled off into the bathroom and Steve heard an outcry immediately: "Oh, _fuck!_ " "I've told you!" He called with a laugh. Half an hour later they were in the car.

Bucky was not the only bleary-eyed face in the auditorium. Dr Strange gave his Christmas speech, after which there were the usual awards. This time Steve got one in English and Creative Writing, Sam was awarded in Sports Science, Peggy in Social Sciences, Jane Foster in Science and Bucky again in Drama, Media and Event Planning. Then all students went to collect their certificates and exam results in alphabetical order, so Bucky long before Steve. At the podium, Dr Strange shook hands with him handing the documents. Bucky nodded his thanks scanning his report sheet first, then his exam results. He went pale and his eyes huge, he was screwed! As if in a trance, he climbed off the podium, making room for Jeremy Burton, who followed him in alphabetical order, went back to his chair quickly stuffing the papers into his backpack.

"And?" Steve asked him. "Stevie, we've got holidays and Christmas now! School is from now on a taboo topic until the 27th. Fancy going ice skating afterwards?“ „Ice skating?“ Steve blurted out, amazed. "We've been total inline skates bosses years ago, it won't be that different." Steve looked at him inquiringly. Bucky's expression was a little closed, like it had been so often before. He decided on waiting until he'd come by himself. "So ice skating?" "Ice skating!" After Steve had picked up his certificates and was not exactly overjoyed, either - he had slipped a bit in many subjects, but not very threatening, and he decided to be working harder again next year - he stuffed them into his backpack as carelessly as Bucky and they left the auditorium in the direction of the dance school, where they had to clean up the ballroom with all the other helpers. Then they went ice skating failing miserably, but at least having had a lot to laugh with each other.

For Christmas, Bucky had been invited to the Starks' Christmas Eve party, which intimidated him a little, but Tony had a conversation with him convincing him he was truely welcome and certainly didn't have to give anything to anyone except for Steve, of course, for whom he surely already had something. He even promised him no one would give him anything except Steve, which he assumed. What he had planned and developed for Bucky was better saved for his birthday in March, he decided spontaneously.

And Bucky really wanted to come! Firstly, of course, he wanted to be with Steve, and secondly, he loved being at the Starks! His family had never celebrated Christmas Eve only coming together for Christmas Day. For that he was expected to exchange presents on Christmas morning and for the feast in a restaurant. His grandparents Barnes, after an almost one-year trip around the world, would be there and Bucky loved his grandparents, who unfortunately were living so far away, he hadn't seen them for several months. Major Barnes had also become nicer to his only child, so Bucky would really like to spend Christmas Day with them. Maybe even Steve would be allowed to join.  
  
The Christmas Eve party at the Starks was bringing back to Bucky's to mind what was making him and Steve so different: Steve was cared for so lovingly growing up in such a homely family life like all Stark children, while he himself was more like an island in his very small family. He was given a Christmas sweater (black with a red star on his chest) and then marveled at the lengthy gift-giving ritual full of love, teasing and laughter, which Steve had always told him about, but which was so much better to witness. He was startled when he heard Jarvis' cool voice after thinking it was over:  
  
"Mr. Steven and Mr. James." Steve smiled at him: "I hope you've got a present for me." Bucky stopped, then: "You're a punk. Of course I've got something for you!” “Then go on, you first.", Steve seemed to be buzzing with excitement and anticipation and Bucky pulled a small package out of his pocket, even smaller than a matchbox, wrapped in a napkin from their favorite restaurant, Pio Pio 8. All Starks watched them expectantly. Steve unwrapped a USB stick. "Uh. Thanks?” Bucky smiled. "Jarvis? Um, please start  _Interactive Library of the US History_ . "  
  
"Mr Stark, sir? Requesting authorization."  
  
"Positive," Tony grinned. "Do you need a StarkPad, Bucky?" "Yes, please." Tony handed his to Bucky and got a pair of VR glasses and gauntlets. Bucky opened the main frame of the StarkPad, navigated briefly throwing the history simulation onto the large screen in the living room, visible to everyone. "Steve, put on your glasses and gauntlets," he asked his boyfriend. Steve did as he was told, Bucky inserted the USB stick into the StarkPad entering a few orders.

"Welcome to ' _Captain Brooklyn - Hero through the Ages_ ', expansion software for _Interactive Library of the US History_ ," a computer voice snarled across the room. An iconic scene from the New York suburb appeared on screen and a muscular figure in a blue, white and red superhero suit and a round shield with a white star on it entered the picture. He was based on Captain America from those old comics. And he looked a lot like Steve.

"Do you want to choose Captain Brooklyn as your avatar?" The computer voice asked. "You are asked, Stevie," Bucky said quietly and Steve, who had winced a little, replied: "Yes." Then his glasses-eyed head jerked up, the character on the screen did the same. "Cool!" Thor called. "I'm in Brooklyn!" Steve marveled in a startled voice. "Captain Brooklyn, we've got a mission for you. Bank robbery with hostage-taking on Clarkson Avenue.” “Uh."

"Don't you want to help them Steve?" Bucky asked. "Can I do that?" "But yes!" Steve took off his glasses staring at Bucky in disbelief. " _What?_ " Bucky was startled. "What do you mean by 'what'?", He looked a little confused and also a little unsettled. Didn't Steve like it? “Steve," his father interfered cautiously. He had understood what the USB stick was holding: namely a cleverly programmed code Steve could use in his simulation of American history for VR glasses to be able to slip into the superhero Captain Brooklyn, complete with the very shield he had worn in that theater scene.

Captain Brooklyn was a college student living in Brooklyn with the superpower of time travel. The code was insanely complicated, there were so many options. You could finally turn the entire history of the States upside down. Bucky had been working on it for weeks. Tony went on to explain, "Bucky programmed this expansion, you can move around interactively as Captain Brooklyn." Steve stared at his dad, then at his boyfriend again. "Bucky!" He called when he understood thowing his arms around his neck. "I can't believe it, you're capable of things like  _this_ ?" With that he took the words right out of Tony's mouth, who had been surprised and impressed the whole time. "Ive haven't had the time to review and check through everything properly, but just look at it as your personal beta version. I promise to fix any errors to be found. "

"This is ... I don't know what to say. That's ... you are incredible!“, Steve wrapped Bucky in his arms again even more closely now taking his breath away. Bucky broke free, laughing and coughing. "When you're killing me, nobody's gonna fix the bugs in your gift." Steve laughed at him. Now everyone started talking again, praising the awesome gift, wanted to try it out, laughed at Peter, who was pawing around in the too-big for him VR glasses and making Captain Brooklyn look like he was a bit tipsy. Pepper remembered something: "But Bucky hasn't gotten a present!"

Everyone looked at Steve expectantly. He got a package well hidden under the tree and handed it to Bucky. He unwrapped it. It was a snow globe. A tiny snow-covered mountain landscape with an even tinier bright red railway climbing up the mountain through the snow flurry. "Uh, thanks?" "Look at the bottom, you jerk!" Steve laughed at Bucky's confusion. Turning the snow globe over there was a small envelope pinned. 'For Bucky' was written on in Steve's neat handwriting. He carefully removed it, opened it taking out a small letter, written in navy blue ink. It said:

"On a train like this, I'm taking you to the snow you're loving so much. Pack your bags, hat and scarf as well as your snow boots, and be ready for a white pleasure on December 27th at 8 a.m. We're having some icy, snowy fun!"

"What's in the letter, Bucky?" Thor called impatiently. Steve gestured to him to wait a moment looking at Bucky: “I'm going to Poughkeepsie with you. From there, a historic railroad goes to Minnewaska State Park. There is snow there and it's still snowing all day. We're spending two nights in a small wooden hut with a fireplace and can be dashing through the snow all day. It's not Greenland, but you at least don't have to sleep on the floor there.” Now Bucky stared at Steve in an awe. "Are you happy?" He wanted to know. "Am I happy ...? Stevie! You are such a punk! I'm so so happy!” Bucky wrapped his arms around his neck, hiding his bright red face on Steve's shoulder, hot with joy and surprise, whispering:

"Thank you, baby, it's a fantastic gift. And a thousand times better than Greenland, because this time I'm having you with me. I love you.” Steve kissed him. "I love you, too." Pepper shed a few tears of emotion. How happy Bucky was making her son and how much Steve loved him! And she had thought of Steve being a bit cold and unloving, he had never been looking so radiant and in love with Sharon! Tony looked at her leaning over to her. He whispered in her ear: "I know waht you're thinking. I feel the same way.” Then the two kissed, too. Peter crawled onto his mother's lap slipping in between, he wanted to be cuddling too. Laughing, Tony hugged them both.

Thor and Loki were playing a cards game and they even quarreled very little. Bucky and Steve were sitting underneath the christmas tree, their hands clasped, side by side, Bucky's head on Steve's shoulder, both of them looking dreamily into space. It was a wonderful Christmas evening!

The two of them said goodbye to each other in the hall around midnight. "My best Christmas since I was a little boy." "Oh, Bucky, I feel the same way!" They kissed one last time for the umpteenth time. "Text me!" "Definitely!" "Another kiss?" "Stevie!" "Please!" The umpteenth plus one time of one last kiss ... Then Bucky could finally tear himself away. Steve went back to the living room, sending Captain Brooklyn on an adventure with Thor and Loki. Pepper and Tony watched them in silence for a while, Peter sleeping on a little blanket nest by the fireplace.

"This is very advanced software design, impressive programming work," Tony spoke out loud what he had thought before. "Yes, isn't it, dad? Well, I don't know that much about it, but it's looking fantastic, is super easy to use and is no different from many other things on the market, apart from your work, of course.“ „It's not that far from it. He must have been working on it for ages.“ „So the trip I gave him isn't too much? I was afraid it might be too much“ „Don't worry about it. After all, you've given yourself a little bit of a gift with that, too.”, The funny wink Tony gave Steve made him laugh. "Confessing me guilty. That's going to be awesome!"

Meanwhile, Bucky sneaked into the Barnes house. The Christmas tree was flashing in the living room, now with gifts underneath it. Everything was calm. He got his presents for his grandparents and father from his room. His mother had sent him $ 500 to pay for the car she'd stolen from him in spring. He had bought the gifts from it and something for himself as she had expressly requested. The set of hat, gloves and scarf in ice blue from MrPorter, which he had found on eBay as a real bargain, he would take with him on the trip with Steve. He set his alarm to seven, texting some trivial sweet pleasantries with Steve, and then fell asleep.

Freshly showered, shaved and dressed up in a Norwegian sweater and casual jeans without any holes in them, he appeared in time for the Barnes gift-giving procedure in the living room. His grandmother, Dorothy Barnes, beamed: "Bucky!", She was the only family member calling him by his preferred nickname. "Nana!" Bucky hugged his grandma, who was significantly smaller than him, warmly. "Merry Christmas." "Look at you, you've grown so much! And you're getting prettier each time, I'm seeing you!“ She turned to her husband, who had also got up spotting an, even after ten years of retirement, still soldier's upright posture.

"Look at the boy, Buchanan, he's become a man!" Bucky noticed out the corner of his eye how his father pressed his lips briefly into a thin line, but without saying a word, as it had been the case for a few weeks now, what Bucky was just realizing, but before he could think about it any further, his grandfather boomed: "Merry Christmas, James! Good God, now you've caught up with all of us.“ Bucky grinned down at his grandfather, who like his son George was quite broad but barely 1.80m tall hugging him too. "Merry Christmas, Grandpa. How are you?“ „Fine, good!“ „And what about you, Nana? You're looking great."

That was true. Bucky had inherited his good looks from his grandmother, who had been an idolized beauty in her youth - and Ball Queen, he grinned briefly - she was still a good-looking woman. "Oh, thank you, boy, we're both fine. The trip was fantastic, but you know that from my mails. But at home it's the most beautiful. In Florida you live so much better than here, think of the the fantastic climate!“ „ And the alligators, the mosquitoes, swamp fever ... ”, Bucky laughed a little. She pinched his chin. "Don't be cheeky, it's Christmas. Come on, let yourself be gifted.” She pulled him over to the Christmas tree sitting cross-legged on the carpet in front of it. Dorothy Barnes did yoga, the position was not uncomfortable for her, as Bucky knew, and he also let himself down on the carpet.

She gave him a large soft parcal. Bucky opened it and had to laugh. A homemade patchwork blanket. It was such a grandmotherly gift and that from a woman who was riding a motorbike, listening to AC/DC and wearing three earrings on each side! “It's always so cold here in New York, darling. I hope you like it.” Bucky took a closer look at the plaid taking a deep breath. It was made from the old bedding sets he had had as a child in his grandparents' house! Motifs like Star Wars: Clone Wars, Kim Possible, Phineas and Ferb, Avatar - the last Airbender, Lilo & Stitch, Cosmo and Wanda, all shows he liked to watch as a child! Each patchwork square was lined and the colors were well coordinated.

„This is awesome, Nana! I like it very much. So beautiful!” He hugged his grandma with tears in his eyes making her blinking suspiciously, too. Bucky would take the blanket to Poughkeepsie, Steve would also like it, he had loved most of these shows, too! "Now you're getting yours!" Bucky fished out an equally soft package for his grandmother from under the tree. She unpacked a Harley-Davidson-style denim vest Bucky had discovered at some flea market. Such vests were worn over motorcycle clothing and his cool grandma would look fantastic in it! She was also very happy.

"But I haven't made it myself," he apologized a bit. "Boy, I haven't made the blanket myself, either. I've had the idea, designed it and had it sewn. You know I'm not a great seamstress!” Bucky laughed at her. "Then that's fine!" Grandpa Buchanan came to them pulling out a gift from under the tree. It was not very big, like a medium shoebox, and not soft either. The package weighed about 10-12 kilos, so it was surprisingly heavy for its size. Bucky unwrapped it. It was a tightly packed, stuffed gym bag in camouflage colors. "Do you have your phone with you?" Bucky pulled it out of his pocket, unlocked it, and put it in his grandfather's outstretched hand.

"You need the appropriate app for this, working with Blutooth. I'm setting it up for you quickly.“ „But what is it, Grandpa?“ „Have a little patience, boy!" the older man smiled, whose fingers skilfully moved across the screen. Bucky had gotten his technical talent from him. "So, done! Now we prefer to go to the veranda, I'd suggest.” Bucky followed his family, who all seemed to know, to the veranda, which had been cleared for winter season. Grandpa Buchanan gave Bucky his cell phone back freeing a tightly folded bundle of strange-looking fabric in the same camouflage colors from the gym bag. He put it in the middle of the porch nodding to Bucky.

"Look at your cell phone, James." There was only a button on the display saying 'Set-up'. He tapped it. It only took a few seconds for an igloo tent, sized for two to three people, to unfold. The quiet hum of an engine could be heard. "Grandpa!" Bucky called in amazement. "You've told me about your Greenland adventure raving about the army tent. Well, of course, this isn't the same high-tech standard as the latest army polar tents, but this model is also only four years old. Without heating, it will not be suited for Greenland or the Antarctic, but it will do so in temperate latitudes from early spring to late autumn. The material is very well insulated and weatherproof. But the best thing is this ... ”, he took the phone from his completely flabbergasted grandson, tapping the screen twice and in front of their very eyes the tent folded up back into the handy pack, the size of a gym bag, as before accompanied by the whirring engine noise .

"Incredible Grandpa! Awesome! I love camping! And I _suck_ at settting a tent! Sorry, Nana”, He hugged his grandfather tightly and everyone went back into the house. "If it's going to Greenland or Alaska again, then let me know and I'm gonna give you the best tent stove you can get for it for your birthday." „I'm not getting that far around anymore. Thanks again! I'm going to have so much fun with it!“ „My intention precisely, my dear boy.“ “Now it's your turn.", And Buchanan Barnes got a very small package from Bucky. He unwrapped it finding: a pocket watch. Not just any pocket watch, of course. It was the very pocket watch which had been passed down to the Barnes men from their fathers after their deaths for generations, since before Civil War. The watch had been broken for almost five years, irreparable, as Buchanan Barnes had been assured by several watchmakers in Miami, as well as in Tampa, Jacksonville, and Orlando.

Frustrated and annoyed, he had given up putting the watch in the safe. Bucky's grandmother had written to his grandson about his grief and anger, and Bucky had asked her to send it to him, highly insured and, of course, secretly. He had taken pictures, put together a key data sheet sending an inquiry to renowned watchmakers all over the world. He'd gotten an answer from Nuremberg, Germany, sent them the watch, again highly insured, halfway around the world for repairs. Four weeks later (in November) he got the watch back, shipped highly insured (at company expense!) And was working properly again, along with a five-year repair guarantee. The family heirloom was saved again for a few years.

Buchanan Barnes stared at the watch in disbelief for a long time, noticing the second hand move, raised it to his ear, listening. He was looking at his grandson with wet eyes. "Jimmy," he seldom called him that, "How have you done that?" "Well, it wasn't me, Grandpa." Bucky smiled and his grandfather hugged him one-armed, in his other hand he still clutched his beloved watch, looking at it happily. "You're one hell of a guy, James, honestly." "I've liked doing it." "I know that, you stupid boy!" Buchanan Barnes sniffed a little now and his wife suppressed a little sob without much success. "One day this watch will be yours." Bucky looked at his grandfather firmly stating, "I hope this is gonna take an eternity."

Then it was time for father and son to give each other gifts. Neither of them had high expectations and George Barnes took out a package from under the tree. It was about the size of a cake box. Bucky unwrapped it finding a fabulously beautiful Gucci belt and fine Ugg leather gloves with touchscreen function. He was speechless looking at his father. He started: "Well, I can't do much with it, but I know you can... well: You care about those things, I hope you like them." Bucky smiled and stood up, taking his Dad in his arms saying, "Pretty much fantastic, Dad, really! Those are awesome items! I've been chasing this very belt on ebay for weeks never being lucky. Thank you. In earnest.“ „Merry Christmas.“ „Merry Christmas to you too. I hope you also like my gift.“ Bucky took the last parcel out from under the tree giving it to his father.

It was a large-format book on American military history, illustrated with numerous photos and drawings, and an original edition from George Barnes' year of birth. Bucky had stumbled over it in a second-hand bookshop and, as luck would have it, it was even appropriately dedicated. On the third page 'For Georgie' could be read. When Bucky discovered it a few weeks ago, he was electrified. Would he give his dad a good present for the first time in his life? And yes, Major Barnes' features softened and he gave the book to his father saying, "Look at this!" Then he hugged Bucky. "Thank you, son. That's one hell of a good gift!“ „You're welcome, Dad. But it was a coincidence, I admit.“ "You taking a closer look at such a book at all ... Thank you, boy.“ „Merry Christmas, Dad." „Merry Christmas to you too." With grandparents Barnes around, Bucky and his dad always worked a lot better for some reason ...

After a small breakfast of coffee and cookies - they would go out for lunch - Bucky and his grandparents got down comfortably on the sofas in the living room. George Barnes was out in the neighborhood wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. "Now tell Bucky, how's school doing? Do you have nice friends? And what about your soccer team, are yourt teammates as good as you? I want to know everything!” Bucky's grandmother called out. And Bucky told her everything – _almost_ everything. From Drama class, soccer championship, the royal siblings from Wakanda, his maths needs showing his grandparents many pictures. "You were elected Ball King?" his grandmother squeaked at a picture of him and Peggy on stage with their crowns on, "And what are you wearing? A reindeer costume?” She laughed.

“That was the motto for the ball, the Rudolph story with the unfitting toys was my idea.“ „In a reindeer costume you're voted Ball King ... ", she marveled with a proud smile. Bucky grinned: "Crazy, isn't it?" "It's not a big surprise in itself. You're the prettiest boy in the whole school, that's for sure!“ „Maybe. But also gay.” Of course, his grandparents knew their only grandson was gay. "Oh, darling, we're living in such enlightened times. That doesn't matter much anymore.” She flashed a mischievous look at him. "And, Bucky? Aren't you going to tell your grandmother?“ „What is it?“ He laughed. "You are literally floating. You're in love,” she said matter-of-factly. Bucky's smile softened with his eyes lighting up. His grandmother's heart swelled, almost overflowing with love and emotion. "Well, that has to be a very special boy. You're shining like the sun."

"I'm with Steve now," Bucky said simply. Buchanan and Dorothy Barnes knew who Steve was, of course. "With small Steven Stark?" His grandpa rumbled in surprise. Steve had been to Florida with Bucky years ago when he was visiting his grandparents. "Dear, you've seen the pictures from school. Steve was in a few ones too. He is no longer small.“ „Show again. ", Buchanan Barnes hadn't really paid attention to everyone when looking at the pictures. They were really rather small on this cell phone screen. Bucky looked for a picture of Steve and himself where you could see that 'small Steven Stark' was now even taller than himself.

"Blimey! Does he play American football?” Bucky laughed. "Steve and Football! No, no, he just pays attention to his diet and works out a lot.“ „You are a beautiful couple,” stated Nana Dot. "How's that happened? You've been friends forever!” Grandpa wanted to know. Bucky laughed a little helplessly: "Honestly, I don't really know myself. I've liked him for a long time and in summer he suddenly started seeing me somehow through different eyes, no idea how something like that happens! But I'm not complaining as you can imagine.“ „It's been going on since summer and you haven't told me anything?” His grandmother asked sternly, but smiling with her eyes. "Uh, no, Nana. We've only been a couple since just before Halloween. ”

"How unusual!" Buchanan called. “It's not that unusual. Take Felicity! She was happily married for over 30 years and now that Carl is gone and she's overcome her grief, she's living together with an old school friend. Not to save on housing costs, believe me!“ „Dorothy! Do you mean to tell me...?“ „I'm not saying anything else. Just open your eyes at the next garden party.” Bucky watched the exchange amused. "Is Steve going to have lunch with us?", then his Nana addressed the word to him again.

"Um ... Dad prefers it among us, as you know." His grandma didn't say anything but pressed her lips together briefly. She knew her son and could imagine him not appreciating the new situation. It wasn't difficult to assume her grandson, who was really a handsome boy, had had one or the other love affair with a boy. But a steady relationship with young Stark, who had been steadfast in Bucky's life for years, was probably not easily ignored.

"Is he making life difficult for you, darling?" "But Nana, he's your son ..." "And that's exactly why I want to know. Who, if not me, could put his head straight?” Buchanan Barnes cleared his throat. "Oh, you know how boys are with their mothers!" His wife called. "Making the toughest guys soft like butter in the Florida sun!" Bucky laughed at the sight of his grandpa's stupefied look. "Let's do it this way: we're going out for lunch, only us Barnes and then you call him asking him over here for coffee. I can get the conversation to that topic spontaneously easily.“ "Okay!" Bucky grinned broadly. "Darling?" Her husband grunted in agreement. "Fine." Then they heard the door open and George Barnes came back with a dash of stories about the neighbors.

For dinner, Bucky put on dark trousers and a white shirt, brushed his hair from his face, taking two ties from his room with him. "Which one should I wear?" One was very narrow and deep red, shimmering almost purple. The other was classically a little wider and light gray with anthracite-colored narrow diagonal stripes. The two older Barnes men were for the more understated, but his nana encouraged him to wear the more glamorous one. She didn't allow him to put it on himself. When she straightened his collar after the work was done, her eyes got a little wet. "Where's the time gone? What happened to my little boy who never wanted to put on his good clothes on Christmas Day?” Bucky laughed: “He was in the closet for a while now really enjoying to put on his good clothes!” His grandmother laughed out loud.

Through dessert, Grandpa Buchanan asked his grandson: "Do you still want to get your masters in mechanical engineering?" "Yes, Grandpa." "I've told him infantry always requires engineers, father." "Then you should go to West Point, boy!“ Bucky was startled: _West Point!_ In his ears it sounded like 'Seventh Damnation of Hell'. A fascistoid, dusty, tradition-conscious, military idolizing facility full of testosterone-overdriven muttonheads thinking they were Rambo and GI Janes with broader shoulders than him - byfar. "M-my grades are probably not good enough for West Point." "I don't think James is athletic enough for West Point," his father and he said at the same time.

George frowned at his son. "That too," Bucky nodded affirmatively. "What are you saying there about your grades?" "Haven't you seen his winter grades report?" Nana asked her son amazed. "He's gotten a special mention for various independent projects in his class Drama, Media and Event Planning!", She added proudly. Bucky had sent pictures of his report to his grandmother. George Barnes hadn't simply thought about the certificates for Christmas.

"But he can't impress anyone with that in the US Army." „There is the same work, if not more, behind it as with any demanding senior class - especially at this renowned school he's attending.“ Bucky felt like he was no longer with them at the table when his grandfather intervened : "You haven't shown me this at all, Dorothy." George glared at his mother, Grandpa Buchanan also did so, indignantly, while she defiantly looked from one to the other.

"I've asked her to do so," Bucky said bravely into the silence. Everyone was looking at him now. "Have you thought he would be giving you in on me?" his father asked. "But why haven't you wanted me to see your grades?" (Grandpa). "There was no reason to admit it here and now, darling, I should have known how to stand against them.", Nana of course and she would have, no doubt. Everyone had spoken in confusion. "Answer your grandfather," George demanded sternly. "He's no longer a child," his mother hissed. Bucky had blushed all over, people were already looking at them.

"Grandpa, I'm ashamed when it comes to you. My achievements are not so good this time and that with you paying the school fees which are not exactly cheap.“ „What do you mean not so good? Have you failed anywhere?“ „George, please, let him finish.“ „I've actually finished.“ „But James, this is a very demanding school you're attending, a few not that outstanding grades could be expected. Can your granny show me the sheet now?” his grandfather asked kindly. "And me?" George growled.

"Yes of course. Forgive me.” Nana Dot felt sorry for him as he was sitting there, red with embarrassment like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookies jar. She hadn't thought of his grades that bad at all, nothing he wouldn't be able to get back with a little work until the end, smart as he was. With a last questioning look at him, she took her cell phone out of her pocket. He made a prompt gesture and she opened the folder with the photographed grades information, giving the phone to her husband first. He studied both pictures extensively and found nothing unsettling about them, wondering what the relationship between his son and grandson really was like if James thought he was having a problem with grades like that.

"It's neat!" He called. “You've got your ACTFL certificates in Spanish and Russian, very good. Incidentally, I've always hated maths. Why have you taken that at a high level?“ „Maths was so easy for me the former years and I've thought it would be good for my engineering degree.“ „May I see that now?“ „Yes, Dad, of course.“ And his grandfather passed the phone on to George. "Would you like to attend a tutorial class or getting individual tutoring, James?" his grandpa asked.

"N-no, that's not necessary and very expensive at the level of Sanctuary High. I just have to concentrate more again, I let it grind a little ...“ „Ah, now I understand.", His Nana spoke up again. Everyone started, looking at her. "The boy is newly in love! Head's empty and light, we've all had it that way, in former times.” Well, Bucky wasn't _technically_ 'newly' in love after years, but he had only been having sex with Steve for a few weeks and that was making his head definitely empty and light.

"Why aren't you asking Steven for coffee, Bucky? I haven't seen him in ages and if he's turning your head so much you can't handle logarithms anymore, I want to take a closer look at him,“ his grandmother chattered lightly. George handed the cell phone back to his mother. "Your grades sheet is very good, son, could be better, but the last one was and the next one will surely be." "I'm trying harder, I promise." His father didn't have to know why he actually wanted better grades. “For West Point this is really not enough, especially in sports you absolutely have to do better, maybe joining a second school team? And the overall average has to get better.“ „Oh, the grades are secondary!“ Grandpa chanted, "It's more important who you know and who's recommending you." Bucky looked from one to the other. Had his family just decided about him going to West Point? _Help!_ He cleared his throat asking when everyone was looking at him:

"Can I ask Steve over for coffee, Dad?" And as his grandma predicted, he couldn't turn it down. "Yes, sure, call him!" Bucky apologized briefly to make the call. Meanwhile, Dorothy Barnes was worrying, just like her husband before. Her son and grandson were dancing cautiously around each other and she instinctively felt an underlying fear in both of them. She couldn't say whether of each other or just of the inevitbale collaps of this artificially maintained image of love and family life. She wished they weren't living so horribly far away and blamed herself for being out of the country for almost a year. Since Winnifred had left the family, apparently everything that hadn't been exactly sunshine before had gone to hell ...

"Baby ... help. Save me!“ „Bucky? What is it, you're sounding so strange!“ „They're having plans with me. I just say two words: West Point.“ „What?” Steve laughed. "Crazy, right? Should I send them a Rudolph picture of me for application or one as a Greek lover of gods?“ „Depends on what you think, whether the person in charge is more into legs or butts!“ „And if you were the person in charge?", Bucky flirted sounding like himself again. "I would reject you immediately. To live with the guilt of having your beautiful hair cut off because of me would be too much.“ „Oh, now I know what this is about. Dad's found a new way of saying 'go get a haircut' to me.“ „It's nice to hear your voice. I miss you.“ „I miss you too! We're leaving the restaurant any moment, we're only having some espresso. You have to come for coffee. "

"I have to? That sounds like not fitting into your plans at all.” Steve teased. "You're always fitting into my plans, you punk. You _have to_. In the truest sense of the word.“ „I'm with you in an hour. What should I wear?“ „What are you wearing?“ „Light brown slacks, checked shirt.“ „Perfect. Don't look like a billionaire.” Bucky grinned. "What do you mean?" "I don't want my grandmother to think I just wanted you because of your money." Steve's voice deepened a bit: "Why have you done it?" Bucky giggled: "To be getting near your father, after all, he's even richer!“ „Hey! I'm not coming at all, you jerk.“ „You are. See you in an hour.“ Bucky hung up. How much better he suddenly felt! Back at the table, his Nana immediately noticed he was feeling better again. Well, she and her husband were far away, but thank God, Bucky now was having Steven. She was so excited!


	61. Another Gift-Giving in Steve's Car

**Another Gift-Giving in Steve's Car**

When Steve rang the bell, Bucky, now in sweater and jeans again, went to the front door quickly scambering out to kiss his boyfriend hello. His neighbor Mr. Wilkes who was on the front porch changing a few bulbs of his Christmas lights was staring at the two of them. "Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilkes!" Bucky called cheerfully, hanging from Steve's neck. Mr. Wilkes, caught as he was, waved a little embarrassed, turning all red in the face: "Merry Christmas, uh, boys." Steve nodded to him and Bucky kissed him again. "Finally you're here." "That bad?"

"No. You know I love my grandparents. But there's something wicked coming its way.“ „West Point?” Steve grinned. "Yeah! Gaaah, without me!” Bucky called funniely desperate. Steve laughed: "You don't have to go there, baby. I'm kidnapping you in advance.“ „And what are you doing with me then?“ Bucky whispered. "Everything you like. I am a nice kidnapper relying on Stockholm syndrome. Until you are completely under my spell and never want to leave me again.“ „I don't think it's called Stockholm syndrome if the kidnapped person was already in love with the kidnapper.“ „Smart ass. Let's go in, otherwise your people think you've been kidnapped for real!"

Bucky and Steve went to the Barnes Hall. "Hello everyone, Merry Christmas, Mrs. and Mr. and Mr. Barnes.", Steve greeted Bucky's family well-behaved. "Yes, well, Nana, Grandpa, you know Steve from earlier." "But only because you're telling it's him. Couldn't have guessed myseld, honestly. “, Buchanan Barnes had gotten up holding out his hand to Steve. "Nice to see you again. Merry Christmas.“ „Sir.” Steve nodded kindly turning to Bucky's grandmother.

'Grandmother' wasn't quite the right word for the woman in worn jeans, without any holes, but completely washed out, the oversize AC/DC hoodie, the pixie hairstyle dyed in a deep purple and the sparkling pircings in her ears. He knew Bucky's grandma was about 65, but she no way was looking even only one day older than 50. Her husband with the soldier's upright posture, a still athletic figure, and the salt-and-pepper hair surely was still attracting many women. There were damn good genes in the Barnes family! George Barnes was also a handsome man. All of them were, the family beauties clearly to be Bucky and his grandmother.

"Ma'am, nice to see you again.", He bowed his head shaking her hand. "You've grown, in height and in width." Steve laughed: "Yes, ma'am. Sorry?” Nana Dot laughed brightly. Only being 1,60 m, Steve appeared to her like a giant, just like her grandson. "I suppose my grandson likes it, so I don't complain." "I like it, Nana!" "Good afternoon, Mr Barnes," Steve now spoke to Bucky's father, holding out his hand. He took it nodding. "Steve. Merry Christmas.“ „Thank you, sir.“ „Fancy some coffee anyone?” Bucky called out. "I''m doing it, darling, sit down with Steve. Who's in for a cup of coffee?” Bucky and George waved approving. Grandpa asked:

"Is there caffeine free one?" "Uh ..." Bucky said. "Then tea, which sort doesn't matter to me." "Steve?" "Steve wants hot chocolate!" "I don't want to make a fuss." Dorothy laughed: "It's not a fuss. It's a nice reminder of the days when Bucky hasn't devoured coffee as if his life depends on it. You guys've grown up too quickly. Do you wanna have marshmallows in it?“ „Uh, really, ma'am, don't bother with too much ...“ „Steve prefers chocolate flakes, Nana.“ „Bucky …" chocolate- flakes-Steve grouned. His grandmother smiled: "Fine. Just like former times. I'm making hot chocolate with chocolate flakes.” With that she disappeared into the kitchen, no longer tolerating a contradiction.

She was very satisfied while working automatically on her tasks. She hadn't seen so much starry twinkling and glitter and hearty eyes in a long time as with those two boys. 'Small' Steven Stark loved her darling as much as he loved him ... She knew Steve was a year younger and she had been a little worried abouthim maybe experimenting a bit, testing, playing around with his own sexuality. That would'nt have been very nice to do to his gay friend from childhood, but as much as she knew, it would have been likely for her grandson to agree to such an arrangement. A sex experiment among friends, so to speak, hardly anything you're telling your grandparents.

However, she had clearly seen this wasn't the case at all. Young Stark was just as madly in love as her little tall boy. Wiping a tear from the corner of her eye she quickly stirred the hot chocolate pot again. Steven Stark deserved the best hot chocolate you could get! Pleasant conversation was going on in the living room. Steve asked Bucky's grandpa about the world trip he and his wife had had, and the man told many funny, sometimes crazy, anecdotes. Then it was up to Buchanan Barnes to ask questions. How Steve was doing, what his family was doing, whether he was doing a lot of sports and soon they were talking about politics and the veteran was impressed by Steve's expertise and firm views. Bucky disappeared into the kitchen to his nana.

"Can I help you?" "What are you doing here? Well, soon you can help me carry out the trays.“ „They're talking about politics.” Dorothy rolled her eyes. "Oh no! Steve's like that?“ „Don't you always fall in love with men being like your own father?” Bucky winked, "or Grandfather." "How are you getting along with your dad at the moment? For real, I mean.” Bucky's expression darkened somewhat. His grandma had caught him ice cold. "It is difficult, you know, it has always been. He's not been well since Mom left and he's very unhappy ...“ „That's not an excuse for everything, child.“ „It's okay. It's okay now.” Nana glanced him in the face. "You aren't just making that up?" "No, Nana! I swear! I don't know why, but Dad has been treating me much more respectfully...“ Bucky stared blankly. "Bucky? Darling, you're looking so absent! "

Bucky had just realized his father had stopped bullying him shortly after the night Tony Stark had paid him this crazy visit, getting out of him that his father had potential for violence against his son. "Huh," Bucky said. "What?" "Oh, I'm not sure. But I think it's something to do with Steve and with the - let's say, influence his family's got." „So are you welcome in Steve's family?" Bucky laughed.

"Welcome? More than welcome! They're all awesome! From Tony Stark billionaire genius to Wall Street fright Mrs Stark, the two boys with the crazy names, Thor and Loki …" Dorothy laughed: „Oh yes, I remember! A genius can be a bit eccentric.“ „His wife chose the names! Tony Stark had the say in the names for two of the boys, one's called Steven and the other one Peter. Very down to earth. Oh yes, Peter is the baby - well, not baby, he's already three. And he's the cutest little guy you can imagine! We're often playing with him. As clever and charming as his father and so lovely open and full of trust. How small children only are when really loved and cared for. And everyone adores Peter!"

"I am pleased you're so comfortable with Steve's family." "It's fantastic at their home! Something's always going on. Everyone's always talking, laughing, teasing, something's always happening, Thor plays football ...“ „Not as boring as with us Barnes, right?", She asked a little sad but smiling. Bucky smiled at her: "There's one thing Steve hasn't got but me: wonderful grandparents whom I love very much ..." "Oh, my sweet tall baby! Stop making me cry! You're always saying things like that.“ „Nana," Bucky laughed hugging her, "I'm gay. That's my job.” She half chuckled, half sobbed. "You dear sweet stupid big boy! We love you too. "I know, Nana."

They packed the hot drinks, milk, sugar, sweetener and more chocolate flakes for Steve onto two trays taking them to the living room. The conversation had come to a more comfortable topic. Steve just set Mr. Barnes senior up to date on Netflix pop culture and what he'd missed out on at the movies this year, top one - of course - the latest Spiderman film. "And 'The Lion King' I suppose? James has watched this movie to the point of unsettling as a child and together with you, too, I believe when you visited us a few years ago.” „Yes, sir, but...“ Steve shook his head.

"We didn't like this year's edition. Great technology, no doubt, but not 'our' Lion King. We liked 'Dumbo', I can recommend that.” _Our Lion King_ \- _oh Stevie_ ... Bucky and his Nana served the drinks. Everyone got comfortable sipping their hot drink with delight. "Wonderful, Mrs. Barnes! Such a good hot chocolate is usually only made by Bucky.”, The loving look the young Stark gave his boyfriend made Dorothy's heart clench with joy again. No, no need to worry - this was definitely not a 'sexperiment'.

"And Steve? What are you going to do after school?” She asked him. "I'm going for a degree in Educational Sciences as well as Social Sciences and English." "Oh, dear Heaven, Bucky, you've got yourself a teacher!" "I've finally fallen in love with a teacher I actually can have." Bucky called cheerfully. "What?" Steve blurted out. "Oh come on, Stevie, Mr. Svenson, the Swede in Sophomore, and do I have to even mention Dr Strange?" George Barnes had become a little uncomfortable with the conversation, but he put a good face on the matter.

"Dr Strange? He's at least 100!” Steve laughed. "He turned 39 this month." "But that's not on the school profile, is it?" Bucky turned a little pink. "Uh, I googled it a long time ago." "And how many hours have you browsed on Dr Strange?" „He's an interesting person.“ „And our headmaster.“ "Anyone else in for some cookies?" Bucky changed the subject very unsubtly. Nana Dot had followed the exchange with great satisfaction. The two of them were adorable together, wonderfully cheeky and very cute.

"Tell me, Steve,“ Buchanan Barnes started now. "How do you see a West Point education for a future engineer?" Steve noticed out of the corner of his eye Bucky shrinking a little. He put his cup down with measured movements. “West Point is a very respected school. But certainly not the fulfillment for everyone.“ „Boy, you don't know what you're talking about!” George intervened again after a long time. "Buzz Aldrin was in West Point!"

"I know sir. But today West Point is nothing more than a status symbol. My father's closest friend, Colonel James Rhodes, who went to MIT, once said: 'Whenever I get a West Point graduate as a non-commissioned officer, my life expectancy is reduced by two years.' He's called them blown-up GI Joe cut-outs.”, George and Buchanan Barnes stared at the young Stark. Colonel James Rhodes! He was a fighter pilot legend!

"And, with all due respect, sirs, future engineers are a waste for the US Army. They belong to MIT or Caltech especially them as talented as Bucky.” Everyone was briefly speechless. Bucky was dizzy with love and his grandmother's heart was jubilant, what a darling her loved one had won! "But West Point's got excellent recommendations!" George cried out. "But by whom, Mr. Barnes? From alumni, their proud fathers, from politicians who are close to the military. I've read an article, less than three weeks ago, by an - anonymous, of course - gay cadet. It was devastating. The Academy's diversity campaign - sorry, ma'am – you can stick that pamphlet where the sun doesn't shine. "

"But ... there is this LGBT association ..." Buchanan Barnes prtotested weakly. “Which consists entirely of non-LGBT people. Completely unrepresentative and just a show off.“ „But James could achieve a respectable degree there. A good friend of ours in the House of Representatives would definitely make a recommendation when I asked her and that's 60% of the entry.“ „And what, Mr Barnes, is that worth it in your eyes? A college place through connections? If West Point's working like this, it is hardly the elite school it claims to be. ”

There was a heavy silence over the Barnes hall. Bucky was now almost half-dead from desire and the effort of suppressing a boner was making him weak. Steve's sexy natural self-confidence about his beliefs and principles, nurtured and cared for for over 17 years only left him when it came to romantic relationships and sex. But it's understandable this was not practised in the Stark family squad. He had to watch Steve in his debating club! Although, stop, maybe not a good idea. He would probably lay him in the centre of the classroom! Bucky clearing his throat, coughed briefly, and took a sip of cold coffee.

"Steve, I'd like to take a few steps for a walk. Fancy to join?” He had to separate Steve and his soldier's family for a bit, he thought. "Very much so, Bucky. Whatever you want.” Buchanan and George Barnes were still staring. It was almost funny! Steve and Bucky politely apologized putting on their jackets and scarves. "A walk, yes? Are we there yet?” Steve whispered to Bucky, smirking. "Nonsense! We're getting into your little car waiting for the windows to fog up. I love you and I'm crazy about you and I want to suck your dick immediately, absolutely, in an instant!” Steve hitched a breath, his brisk self-confidence melting away like snow in the sun him being all smitten suddenly. "B-bucky ... b-but ..."

"Just let it happen." Bucky's self-confidence when it came to relationships and sex was again much more pronounced than Steve's, which now was showing clearly. "Yes ...", breathed Steve and let his boyfriend pull him out of the house straight to Steve's tiny car. Inside, they took off their jackets and scarves throwing them onto the back seat. Steve turned on the radio, it was playing Christmas music, of course. He was about to start the heater. "Stop, baby." Bucky's voice was deep and he sounding mischieviously, "The windows are meant to fog up." "Bucky ..." He pressed his flat hand into his crotch.

"Nng ..." "You've given it to my military-loving people quite a bit, Stevie. You've been so sexy and I've wet my undies, do you want to feel?” Steve's mind got all blurry. Bucky looked at him like at a particularly tempting dessert rubbing him to hardness in seconds. "You want to?" Bucky hissed now and Steve was seeing stars. "Y-yes, M-may I?" „Shove your hand down my pants? We've done completely different things, Stevie, naughtier things as I'm recollecting. Get your hand down there, baby. My underwear's all wet.” Steve groaned fiddling with Bucky's jeans button. "I'd better help you, baby." With that, Bucky opened the button zipping open his pants. "Now Stevie, look what you're doing to me."

Steve literally threw himself at his boyfriend, eagerly burying his right hand down the front of his jeans, groaning passionately as he felt Bucky's hard cock and the wetness from pre-cum. His left hand greedily rummaged Bucky's hair and he was searching for Bucky's lips with his mouth. "Yeah, kiss me, Stevie ...", Bucky's voice was full of lust and sex and passion shatttering all of Steve's defense mechanisms ( _we're in living daylights / we're in a car without tinted windows / Bucky's father and his grandparents are less than 100 yards away! / the Neighbor may still be changing lightbulbs!_ ) But he was kissing Bucky as if his life depended on it, working on Bucky's dick so vehemently he was about to come in mere seconds - he'd finally arrived in the car absolutely turned-on yet.

"B-baby, I'm gotta..I'm... D-don't stop, p-please, please please, for the love of God, don't stop!“ Bucky pressed out through clenched teeth. "I'm not even thinking aboutt, baby ...", Steve breathed increasing his speed and grip a little more, getting his second hand in to rub the palm over Bucky's dribbling cockhead in circles. Bucky soon cried out brokenly when he came trembling. Steve tried to catch the mess with the palm of his hand, but Bucky's orgasm was so powerful he couldn't handle. Part of the juice landing on Bucky's stomach, luckily, Steve'd pushed away his sweater earlier.

Bucky was breathing nonsensical sweet nothings ... "I love you too, jerk," Steve laughed somehow a bit cockily. Bucky raised an eyelid. "Stark, you're skating on thin ice." "Uh-oh." "I'm giving you an 'uh-oh'." With that Bucky kissed Steve so passionately and wildly and excitingly and possessively he was seeing stars again. Meanwhile, the windows of the car were completely fogged up. Bucky broke away from Steve's mouth hissing, "Oh god, Stevie, I'm going to take you apart so much you're praying twelve Hallelujahs. You're going to whine, cry, call on all the gods of this world and every other one's else. When I'm done with you, you're putty.“ „Yeah… please” Steve groaned out, dropping his head back weakly. Bucky immediately launched an attack on his neck, his throat ...

Steve grew boneless under Bucky's knowing mouth, his nimble tongue. "Oh Stevie, I want you so much, pull your pants down for me, yes baby? Can you do that for me?” Steve whimpered fumbling with his button. "I'm helping you, my sweet baby." Bucky whispered opening Steve's pants, tapping him on the hip to get him lift them. Bucky firmly pulled khakis and boxers from Steve's body, pushing both down into the footwell onto Steve's ankle. _Oh my god_ , that devillish monster of a cock!

Bucky immediately put Steve in his mouth right all the way to the back of his throat. Steve buckled up helplessly, Bucky choked a bit, forcing the reflex away. Then he got serious. Sucking, cirkling his tongue around the head and taking his hand to help, enjoying the dizzying feeling. Steve's huge cock always aroused him making him nearly blind with want. He was in heaven. Steve on the other hand too, of course. _Oh God!_ Bucky was an expert in sucking cock!

His hissing breaths were loud in the small car, the tiny helpless throaty sounds he kept making were driving Bucky crazy and he didn't know how to get Steve yet deeper into his mouth, he was already fully in! If he choked and died on Steve's cock now and here, he would go happily! He swallowed moaning and choking around the plump tip deep in his throat, felt it getting even fatter!

One day, he knew very well, he would only get off from the feeling of Steve's cock swelling just even more in his mouth because he was coming! "B-buck ...- cky, godda cu-um!" Steve stammered and Bucky grunted in satisfaction. Yes, baby, come for me, make me full, fill me up, flood me ... As if Steve had heard Bucky's thoughts a tremor went through his whole body and he thrusted himself uncontrollably deep into Bucky's throat, who was seeing stars from it. There was no air left, Bucky joined helplessly into Steve's moans, barely audible and muffled by everything that was in his mouth, the big cock, the very passable amount of sperm running down his throat, tough and sticky, his own tongue .. .

Steve's hands clutched his head like a vise, clawing and cramping when wave after wave of his orgasm was shaking them both. Bucky felt a bit weird, dizzy, strange purple-black spots appearing in his field of vision, even though he had his eyes closed tight. What was that? Then a jerk went through him and his brains took the helm again. He took all his strengt to free himself out of Steve's grasp, releasing his penis with a pop and ... _breathing, yes, there was something else, breathing_... At the first hectic trembling breaths everything turned and he swayed against Steve's stomach. "H-hold on me ..." he whispered. Steve's arms closed around his shoulders pulling and shoving his boyfriend until he was lying against his chest, firmly wrapped by Steve's arms.

Except for the soft Christmas music on the radio, it was soon quiet in the little car. Their breathing was calm again and the gentle rustling of their clothes when they moved a little was somehow cozy. Steve spoke first. Bucky's neck was a little rough and sore from the rude treatment. He hoped the feeling would last long and he would still be feeling Steve's cock when falling asleep later! "B-bucky ..." breathed Steve, "Th-that was ... _wild_." Bucky chuckled a little weakly. _Ouch!_ He cleared his throat carefully. Oh yes, that won't go away for a while! He whispered hoarsely:

"And I've always thought screwing someone's brain out was just a metaphor." Bucky's rough voice sent shivers down Steve's spine. "What?" "I've nearly choked to death by cock..." Steve was startled with widening eyes, his hands clenched into fists in Bucky's sweater. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I haven't meant to ...“ „Shht. It's okay, baby, it's okay.” Bucky silenced him. "I've never had it like this, never felt like this. It's never been like this, this with you. Nothing in my life has ever been so wonderful like it is with you.“ „Oh, Bucky ...“ „I love you.“ „And I love you.“ „I love you more.“ „Pff." They were silent again for a while . "Aren't you freezing?" Steve finallywas bare-chested with naked legs in an unheated car just before dawn in December. "No, all is well." "Yes, all is well."

After another brief silence, Steve asked, "Shoudn't we go back?" Bucky sighed. "I guess so.", But nobody made any move to detach themselves from each other or getting Steve back in his pants or - huge problem - to get their sex hair back in order. "Your hair's very messy." "Oh, and who is to blame?" "Well, you! It was your idea.” Bucky chuckled softly. "I'm always the one having the real good ideas." "Guess, you are." "Come on, let's go inside." "They're all gonna know what we've done." "Well, not in detail, but basically, yes.“ "I've got wipes in the glove compartment." Bucky reached out, opened the compartment pulling out a pack of baby wipes. They cleaned Bucky's stomach and their hands as best they could. Then both of them checked thenselves in the mirror bursting out loud with laughter.

"Dear goodness!" "Wow!" "You have a comb?" "Maybe in my jacket." Steve fished for Bucky's jacket in the back searching the pockets. He found a small foldable brush. "Well, it's not bad to have boyfriend who's having a love affair with his hair, is it Stevie?" Bucky teased Steve who was trying to tame the strands sticking out wildly. He managed considerably well. "Good luck," he said dryly as he pressed the brush into Bucky's hand. Bucky's hair was a real mess. He ran violent strokes through the tangled strands, tugging the small brush through all the knots with gritted teeth and soon his hair looked reasonably neat again. Not like freshly styled but quite acceptable. That was the case with Bucky's hair. They were doing what their owner wanted most of the time.

In the meantime, Dorothy Barnes had raved about how great 'small Steven Stark' had developed. Her husband agreed: "A young man with principles and personality." "I'm not that thrilled with the matter," George replied. "He's going to spoil James. As if he wasn't having enough problems as a gay man.“ „How are you getting this crazy thought?“ „The Starks are not just rich, mother, they are downright perversely rich. People like that aren't suiting us and when the Stark boy gets James used to this lifestyle and when in want of a different toy, my son's going to fall very deep. ”

"Toy?" His mother spat out. "How can you say something like that?" "Isn't it strange? For years, James has been going in and out at the Starks', jumping when this guy snaps his fingers. I've been watching this with great concern for quite some time. James has been quite out of his mind for a long time. It's all about Steven. Why is he all of a sudden aware he likes him? I guess he's bored. A millionaire's life seems to be lacking challenges. Maybe an affair with another man's just doing the trick!"

"I do not believe that! Steve'S coming of as very much in love, just like Bucky. And he's not acting in the slightest like a millionaire,. Those clothes and the tiny old car! He's also not wearing a Rolex or a swanky signet ring. After Christmas, the two of them're taking the train up a mountain, Steve's not heading to the Seychelles with Bucky. I don't know what possibly could spoil him in this. What is it, bothering you for real, George?“ „James has to take care of his future. This is a very important time right now and James' school achievements are dropping. What's next? "

"At any rate, he won't get Steve pregnant." His mother looked at him coolly. George Barnes blushed with anger and shame. He was not much older than James now when he'd lost his head with Winnifred and nine months later he'd found himself in a small apartment in the military barracks married with a baby. He was only 21 at the time. "I've accepted my responsibility back then, mother." „Excuse me, that was mean.” They heard the door open and fell silent.

"Well, children? Have you taken a nice walk?” They found out they'd only been half an hour away. Bucky also noticed there was some tension in the air. "Fancy playing cards?", He suggested lightly, as this was surely better than just talking with the mood so clearly loaded. "What about Scrabble?" his Nana smiled. "Oh, you've no idea what you're getting yourself into, Nana!" her grandson laughed. "Steve's making up the craziest words with discussing you mercilessly into getting the points!" "You have to talk, baby. 'Steve-esque' for 45 points. “, Steve laughed too. Dorothy Barnes, with the best will in the world, wasn't able to doubt Steven Stark's honest feelings for Bucky.

"Challenge accepted." Buchanan Barnes shouted: "Dear, I'm staying out of it. This game's always frustrating me and I also don't think George appreciates it as much as you and James. We're talking while you're playing with them, all right?“ „Of course. I have fun with the young people and you can devote yourself to the important things in life. Politics, the world situation and Scotch. “, She winked. Everyone laughed. All tension was released. Bucky got the game out of the closet and they had a good time with lots of discussions and more laughter. And as Steven Stark's eyes kept searching for Bucky's face watching him and vice versa, Nana Barnes was finally convinced.

They called it quits around ten. Dorothy had won twice and she hugged Steve goodbye spontaneously after him shaking hands with Mr and Mr Barnes. "Come and visit us in Miami. You can easily get to Disney World and Space Center from ours. Maybe spring break?“ „That would be awesome, wouldn't it, Bucky?” Steve looked excited. Bucky hesitated: "We have to study for the final exams in spring, but if we're giving it a head start ... yes, that sounds awesome!" George gave his father an 'I've told you'-look but said nothing. Bucky took Steve to the door.

"When are you coming for the Christmas party tomorrow?" "I want to spend the day with them, we're going to Central Park, but after I've taken them to the airport, I'm coming." "When's their flight going?" „Half past five““I'm already looking forward to you.“ „I'm looking forward to you too, Stevie. Good night, baby.“ „Good night." They kissed one last time in the semidarkness of the hall and when he went out Steve asked: "Send me pics from Central Park!“ „I will. Send me pics of the party!“ „See you tomorrow.”, Steve came back once again, giving Bucky a quick, very last kiss and then went to his car, not without looking around a few times at his boyfriend, who was standing in the open door. He would only go in in when he no longer could be seeing him.


	62. Christmas Party at Stark Manor

**Christmas Party at Stark Manor**

Like every year, everyone was coming together for the Stark's Christmas party: Rhodey, Natasha and Bruce with the twins, Happy and the six Starks, of course. Steve would have invited Sam and Sharon, but they'd went skiing early today with Sharon's parents. Quill visited Thor. Loki would have liked to invite Nebula, but Mr. Titan, who now regularly was seeing a woman from city council, was holding his own party and his daughters of course had been asked to take part.

All adults were chatting in various groups, Thor and Quill played cards with Loki, Steve was playing with Peter and Friday. Wanda and Pietro were on the sofa watching them. "Thdeve? Buggi's coming thoon?“ Steve laughed: "It's gonna take a while, I'm sorry." Turning to the twins, he quipped: "For Peter, my boyfriend is probably the best thing about me." Pietro asked his sister in Russian: "Not just for him, you agree, sister? "

She raised an eyebrow smiling coolly. Their mother called: "Pietro! Don't do that, it's rude. Please speak English.“ „Maman, you do it all the time!“ „With me it's something different. Nobody tells me what to do or not to do.” Wanda smiled sweetly at her brother: “A classic case of missed action? Pietro glared at her, saying nothing more. Steve, like most of the time, couldn't figure out the twins' bilingual comments.

He shrugged his shoulders, hiding treats under cups for Friday with Peter, happy with his little brother about the many hits of the smart cat. Rhodey was just telling Pepper and Bruce about his intentions to buy a small house here in the suburbs. He still wanted to keep his posh apartment in Manhattan, but sometimes was longing for a little more peace and comfort. "You're moving to our neighborhood, Jim?" Pepper beamed, "That'sfantastic news!"

"How are you doing retirement?" Bruce asked. "Well, I'm glad to have the army behind me. But sometimes I'm bored too. I'm thinking about giving lectures as a guest professor“ „And in which area?“ „Leadership and stress management in upscale positions.“ „You'd do awesome," Pepper smiled warmly. Happy had now joined the boys' card game and Natasha was having some eggnog with Tony. They were watching Steve and Peter.

"Tell! Still on cloud No. Nine?” She asked smiling. "Of whom you're talking now?" Tony chuckled. "If I've talked of Pep and you, I would ask her." „Even though I'm the more honest one of the two of us.“ Natasha looked at him sharply from under her eyebrows. "What do you mean by that?" "Put your claws back in place, Baba Yaga." He sometimes used the name of the famous Russian witch for her and although she always acted as if annoyed by it, she secretly thought it to be funny.

"I've just meant basically. We're perfectly fine. And what about you? Cloud nine, at least sometimes?“ „Mostly around seven, sometimes nine and if I'm lucky, a full dozen.” Tony laughed out loud. Then he said something offhand but with a lot of warmth in his voice: “We've made it far in love. And now the next generation is getting there.“ „Steve and the Barnes boy, who would have thought.”, Natasha smiled sarcastically. Tony laughed dryly: “Everyone would have thought. The wonder of it being more how long it's taken“ „Good things come to those who wait...“ „Bucky was around on Christmas Eve and later on, he's gonna be here again. We all like him very much.”

"And Steve? How's he doing as a part of a gay couple?“ „You know, we're a little surprised. We've seen him with Peggy, Sharon and Melissa and have almost been a little sad about his somewhat cold and unloving manner. Not that we've disapproved of it, people are just the way they are. But of course we've wanted love for him to sparkle, earth shaking beneath his feet, if you understand what I mean.“ „Of course I do, that's not genius stuff!“ „Now we're hardly trusting our own eyes. Steve, he ... he's in love. He's romantic, dreamy, almost floating ... We've never experienced him like that. "

"Sometimes it's just the one person doing that to you." Tony's eyes briefly searched the room for his wife smiling softly when watching her throwing back her head laughing over something Rhodey had just said . Natasha punched him on the shoulder. "Your oldest one is prestressed hereditarily." Tony laughed. "Let's go to Steve and Peter."

"Tony Mithder Thahk-Daddy, Aunt-Tasha! Me and Thdeve and Fhiday going to the Thircuth.“ „He's still doing that?” Natasha called out. Tony grinned broadly. "What can I say? It's my secret superhero name! Let's see Pete, what are you up to in the circus?“ „Fhiday ith thmart!“ „He's speaking quite well!“ „Almost as good as Loki at that age, but Peter's qualities are, I guess, even more prominent in technical areas. He cracking almost every childproof device I'm coming up with.”

Peter had now built up the 'circus act' while Steve held on to the struggling cat. Cats just didn't like Steve very much. They instinctively felt he was more of a dog person. Peter hid a cat treat under one of three cups for Friday to see. Then the boy was swapping the cups quickly and Steve let go of the cat. She nudged one Peter picked it up and indeed! The treat was underneath. Of course, she was allowed to have it.

Peter beamed. They repeated the trick a few times and it was always working! "The two of you have to go to the circus, Underoos, clearly. But that's enough now, Peter, Friday's getting a stomach ache.“ Peter immediately looked sad. "Fhiday pleathe not have a thomach ache." „Go, show Aunt Natasha your robot!” The little boy jumped up enthusiastically taking the Russian by her hand, pulling her to the Christmas tree. There he took out a simple human-like figurine made of metal struts, screws and nuts. There was a button on it he pressed and the thing started wiggling on its two legs.

"I've built that." "That's awesome, Peter! Have you build it all by yourself?“ „All by mythelf.”, the little one said with a somewhat confused look, why else would he tell Aunt Natasha he had built the robot? "What else have you gotten for Christmas?" Peter showed her his other presents. Bruce came to his wife and the little one. "Well, darling?" Peter now ran over to Thor and Quill, who had started testing on Thor's new skill game with mini kaleidoscopes and marbles. Natasha watched him wistfully.

"Bruce! He is so cute! I want a baby!“ „Tasha ... you don't mean that seriously. Peter is cute, no doubt, but ... “, he looked at her inquiringly. "Darling, if you really want that, I'm to be the last to deny you, but ... you're married to an old man," Dr Banner tried to joke. "Nonsense. Look at Tony! He's not younger than you and he ... "

"Tony and Pepper haven't planned that, you know. It's happened and Peter came out as wonderful as he is ... They've been very lucky. We could of course adopt another child. But I'm 50, they won't give us a baby.“ „I hate you being so sensible.“ „You don't,“ Bruce replied seriously, but the warm undertone put a smile on Natasha's face. "You're right, you damn genius! I hate you!“ „No!” He laughed. Natasha laughed too.

“We have to keep our son in check when the fabulous Bucky Barnes is showing up later. He has already made another inappropriate comment about the boy in Russian. And sweet innocent Steven Stark may not be able to cope with Pietros' concentrated ambivalent aggressive sexual nature. We don't want a quake to go through the century's romance, do we?" „No, we don't. But there's not any danger there.“ „What do you mean?"

"This boy's heart's been in a frim grip of Steve's fist for a long time now, our flighty offspring can't do anything about that." "Bruce! What's making you so sure?“ „We introverted geniuses just know things like that.”, He winked. "But, why have you been so thick about me forever?" „When it comes to ourself, our logical data center's stopping.“ „I hate and love it at the same time when you're saying something like that!“ „I love you too, Nat,“ Bruce stated, smiling. She kissed him wordlessly.

Tony hugged his wife from behind: "What are you talking about?" "Not about you, exceptionally," Rhodey winked. "Jim wants to buy a house in the neighborhood!" Pepper said over her shoulder. "Is that true, Platypus? You know I'm gonna annoy you more than I'm already doing now.“ „You know, Tones, some things you get used to in such a way, so something is really missing without“ „Well, I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. Maybe on the deathbed.“ „We have to take you a few yards underground to finally put your mouth down“ „That's not enough, Platypus, I'm gonna come back and haunt you“ „I'm trusting you on that!“

Pepper gently released herself after glancing at her watch. "I'm letting you lovebirds continue to exchange pleasantries, the caterer's about to come soon." "You need me helping you with this?" „I'm asking Steve and Loki. They've nothing to do right now.” With that she called her sons, who immediately got up to help their mother. "You have a fantastic family." "You belong to this family, Rhodey, you know that." "I'm one of the fantastic things about this family." "Hear ye!" Tony held his eggnog cup under his friend's nose.

"We're having a drink on it, I'm gonna pour some liquor from the house bar." "Not saying no to that," Rhodes grinned. Pepper, Steve and Loki set up the wonderful food from the caterer in the dining room and set the table. At half past five Pepper and Tony asked everyone to have dinner and some 30 minutes later Steve apologized briefly to let Bucky in, who had just texted coming up the driveway. In the hall he ripped open the front door and on the threshold there was Bucky, with rosy cheeks, a Santa hat, a helium balloon (Spider-Man with a Santa hat) for Peter and a bouquet of amaryllis and holly for Mrs. Stark.

“There's the big Christmas market in Central Park. I haven't wanted to come empty-handed again.“ Steve took the flowers and balloon from him so he could take off his jacket and scarf. Bucky wore the Stark Christmas sweater with tight black trousers and polished dress shoes. "Don't you kiss me at all, Stevie? On Christmas of all times,” he pouted playfully. Steve laughed and kissed Bucky. "Come on, everyone's already at the table." "Oh, great, show walking!" Bucky grinned. For the first time, he appeared in front of the extended clan as Steve's boyfriend. "You look perfect for it."

"Good evening and Merry Christmas altogether!" Bucky shouted bravely, accepting the same from the group going straight to Mrs. Stark, handing her the flowers. "Thank you for the invitation, Mrs. Stark." "Oh, Bucky, they're really beautiful, Loki, please get me a vase from the kitchen. Sit down and grab some bite.“ „Thank you, ma'am.“ „We're over here, Bucky!" Steve waved to him. He was happy to find he was sitting between Steve and Peter! The boy looked at him and especially at the giant balloon with wide eyes. "Here, have it Peter. It's for you. Merry Christmas, little one!"

"Buggi! A Thider-Man balloon! Mommy, Daddy, Thteve, Thor, Loki! Buggi hath a balloon for me!“ The boy climbed onto his chair to hug Bucky. "Thank you very much, Buggi!" „Hey, it's Christmas after all!“ The scene was touching and Bucky tied Peter's new balloon to the back of his chair when he sat down so the boy could continue having dinner. Steve looked at Bucky's face with his mouth slightly open.

"It's all looking very delicious, Mrs. Stark!" He cried out, secretly tapping Steve on the foot under the table. The boy twitched, closed his mouth looking ahead again. "And that undoubtedly tells you that none of us has prepared any of it!" Pepper laughed, everyone agreed. The ice was broken and the somewhat embarrassing moment was over.

"Was there a lot going on in Central Park?" Tony asked Bucky. "Yes sir, as always at this time of year. Especially on this impossible artificial toboggan run!" Pietro leaned forward: "What do you have against the toboggan run? The New York kids love it and it's Christmas, after all!“ „If people wanted more snow, they should have thought about stopping the climate crisis earlier,” Bucky looked firmly into his face. The Russian raised his eyebrows: "Oh, are you ...?" Bucky interrupted him: "Something like Greeenpeace? Yes." Steve laughed into his napkin.

"Well," Pietro replied somewhat irritated, "It's just a harmless pleasure ..." "Everyone can see this as they're pleased." With that he turned to his boyfriend talking quietly tohim. But most of the people at the table were still listening to him. Some of them knew Bucky went to LGBT rights rallies often giivng speeches there. He was speaking very well! "Steve, you should have seen that!", He laughed to himself, "Nana and me immediately put together a kind of flash mob protesting with a group of like-minded people. Dad and Grandpa were a little embarrassed, they hid down in a pavilion to have some hot chocolate.“ „I can imagine it lively! "

"I mean, what a waste of energy! The cooling mat under the whole artificial snow alone, on an area of over one hectare! By express train, it takes an hour and a half to go into real snow! But you're not having the glamor of Central Park. No brass bands, no mulled wine stands and no millions of sparkling lights being just as much of a waste. People are so stupid, Stevie, so stupid."

Then he noticed almost everyone was still listening to him. Except for Wanda, who was typing on her phone, Peter, who had slipped under the table playing with Friday, and Thor and Quill, who were whispering and giggling about something else. Pietro pretended not to care, but couldn't fool him. The casual looks he gave him were too indifferent. Bucky cleared his throat speaking to the group:

"Excuse me, everyone, I haven't wanted to give some great admonisher and human accuser here. Besides, this is a party and I assure you, I'm normally better at parties." Everyone laughed, Steve said: "I assure you too!" Tony leaned forward: "Bucky, your anger is very much appropriate. I myself think wasting energy is extremely short-sighted.” Many at the table nodded emphatically. Bucky was pleased with the praise. "Thank you Mr. Stark. But as I said, this is a party and not a climate demo. I'm sorry, honestly.” Natasha called:

"Yes, please stop. I'm already tempted to give up my car going shopping by bike!“ „If only I'd have known, Nat. I would have given you an extra large bicycle trailer for shoes for Christmas!” Tony teased, but without a bite. She stuck her tongue out and he smiled sweetly. She not having a cheeky reply for him, it was always a small victory. "Children," Bruce grumbled, "It's Christmas." Natasha giggled: "Am I getting some coals now or rather the rod, honey?" Bruce blushed to a rosy colour. It wasn't just him, Steve, Pepper, Quill, Happy, and strangely Wanda, were showing a similar color. The worst was Bucky. He turned as red as beetroot.

He was not used to this bluntness. At home, adults generally pretended there was no such thing as sex at all. Looking at his plate pushing a little rice back and forth he held his face down until it felt normal again. After dinner, everyone chatted again in the living room, as was customary at Tony's and Pepper's parties. Bucky relaxed more and more, and was now discussing on soccer with Thor. The English Premier League finally was playing today and Manchester United, Bucky's favorite club, were successful against Newcastle earlier in the day, while Thor's club Tottenham defeated Brigthon early in the morning. Tottenham and United have been sneaking around each other in the English league table for weeks.

"You'll see, Bucky, Tottenham' gonna be in Champions League again next year and you will be battling against unspeakable clubs in Kookarajistan or whatever." "Yeah, Tottenham can be slaughtered again by Munich, ten-to-three, added.”, Bucky returned. He was lounging on the sofa with Steve and Thor on the floor in front of them, while Quill had been trying to attract Friday nearby with a cat fishing rod, but the black cat only eyed him suspiciously from a distance.

"Oh, your cat only likes Peter," he pouted in frustration. At that moment, Friday jumped on Bucky's lap curling up there. Her loud purr made him laugh. "Obviously," he grinned at the younger one. Friday even graciously let herself be stroked by Steve in Bucky's lap, who just wanted to swap places with her. "Fhiday loveth Buggi.", Peter had come to them climbing onto Steve's lap. "And I love Friday too, Peter. Cats are my favorite animals with spiders coming right after." Peter beamed: „Jutht like me!“

With Bucky, of course, that was a lie, about the spiders. But cheating to make a child happy was sometimes allowed. Wanda joined them. "Well, boys?" With that, she dropped onto the sofa next to Steve. Friday startled jumping from Bucky's lap, not without ramming her claws into his flesh. " _Ouch_!" "That's what it is like with cats, sweetheart," Steve snickered at him. Peter looked angry: "Fhiday got thcared. „I's alright Peter, go, look after her, right?" Bucky squeezed out and the boy ran after his cat. Everyone looked at the Russian girl in surprise. Usually the pretty young woman only was hanging out with her brother or the adults at these parties and had little more than a few polite words for the 'children' – all of them mostly boys at that.

"When's it going to college again, Wanda?" Steve started first, while Quill and Thor were still ogling. The beautiful girl looked like a model and was wearing a breathtakingly tight, very short dress with overknee stockings over skin-colored tights. “Classes start on January 6th. Pietro and I want to go skiing for a few more days. And before you're giving a fiery speech, Bucky,” she smiled and turned to him. „In real snow. Cross-country skiing, not downhill, we're going on a few hikes on skis in St Clouds near Minneapolis and go on a torchlight procession at night. It will definitely be an experience!“ „Sounds fantastic! Where's Pietro actually? I haven't seen him since dinner."

Steve lately was chatting casually with his older quasi-cousin each time they met. "Oh, he's desperately looking for a date for later. But at Christmas the apps are only populated by losers, sad sobs and trolls. I'm curious to see when he notices he's one of them now.” The four boys stared at her. Steve and Bucky squeezed their hands between them and Wanda laughed: "You all don't have to look so scandalized! This happens when you never want to commit yourself just fluttering around. At Christmas you are alone. He's pouting, but that's soon gonna be gone.“, She looked at Bucky significantly. He raised his eyebrows. For him, this girl was even more mysterious and less transparent than the other copies of these species.

"No matter now. I've heard you're going to Poughkeepsie?“ „Yes and from there we're taking a historical train to the national park sleeping in a hut in the middle of the snow!“ „Keep yourselves warm there!“ she grinned. Steve turned pink, but for Bucky it was at least safe terrain again, without the parents of the boy he slept with within earshot: "We've never had any problems with warming up. Steve was with the boy scouts and I too can rather effortlessly ... set things on fire.” Wanda laughed out loud: “I've figured!” Thor frowned:

"Steve wasn't with the boy scouts at all!" "But he's learned to make fire from the best: your dad!" „Has always been awesome, camping, hasn't it Steve?” Then Thor and Steve talked about camping trips for a while and everyone had a lot to laugh. Bucky smiled to himself. He dreamed of the summer camping trip with Steve and 'their' deer and the creepy fish and how he almost died a hundred times because Steve had always been so close to him, or very sexy in swimming trunks, or in the dark tent whsipering to him or not having let go of his hand around the campfire and ....

Wanda snapped into his face. He started. "What?" "I've asked if you often do things like flash mobs or demos for climate protection!" "Well, that's been spontaneous today, but I often take part in events and demos of the LGBT community." „You're speaking well! Do you want to be a politician?” Bucky got huge eyes. "What? No!” She laughed. "What a pity. 95 percent of all women would definitely vote for you and the statistical four to ten percent of the men.“, She winked. Steve laughed, "She's right, you know that." "Nonsense." Bucky blushed a bit embarrassed, but also a little annoyed.

"A lot of people, male or female, would most likely vote for a greedy corrupt criminal prick because he's 'just not gay'. You know that, Stevie.” This followed a somewhat heavy silence. "Um, I'm sorry, I haven't wanted to …" "It's alright, Bucky," Wanda said gently. "My brother's bisexual and I know how you're feeling sometimes. You don't have to apologize for anything.” Bucky looked at her and a smile brightened his features. "Thank you. I appreciate that.” Steve was amazed to hear about Pietro being bisexual...

Thor and Quill had retreated from the more serious conversation and were making a lot of noise and fun again with the mini catapults, Peter got his toy box building up small fortresses they were shooting down afterwards. Steve, Bucky and Wanda watched from a distance. "Go ahead, children, I'm getting a real drink. The eggnog is like milk.” With that she got up gracefully floating away in her elegant glory. Steve and Bucky looked at each other snorting. "Children!" Steve mocked. "She is her mother's daughter, every inch!"

"Have you known her brother is bisexual?" "Well, at least I've known he's into men. It's not difficult to detect." Steve raised his eyebrows. "Don't look at me like that, my gaydar is a will to survive sometimes!" Bucky laughed. "Has Pietro ever ..." Steve didn't know how to put it. "No, he hasn't." Bucky had known what Steve had wanted to ask. "Good ...", he said unwantedly. "He's not my type. Are you having any more questions you don't really dare to ask? Then shoot." Steve looked down on his lap muttering: "But he's pretty good looking, he's a dancer and already 21 and ..“ „... and he can't commit himself, is fluttering around and he's ... he's not you.“ „Oh, Bucky ...", Steve smiled sheepishly. "Besides, he's never showed any interest in me, relax." "I _am_ relaxed!" "Tell your clenching fists." Steve quickly opened his hands.

"Do you want some eggnog?" "You mean milk?“ Bucky laughed out and Steve got them two cups. Bucky strolled to the 'children' wanting to try out the mini catapults. And soon after, the four boys fought an epic battle with Peter as the master builder and referee, which Thor and Quill soon were about to win.

Wanda was standing at the bar with Pietro, who had reappeared and, regarding a spontaneous late date, remained luckless, They 'upgraded' their eggnog looking at the cheerful group. "I'm sorry, _brat_ (brother), I've teased you about it." "You don't have to. Wouldn't have worked anyway.“ „That doesn't bother you otherwise,” she smiled. Pietro's most affairs never got to the point where it had to _work_ , apart from fantastic sex ...

"A shame. The boy's looking like sin on legs and is one of _those_.” Pietro shook his head. "One of those?" "Someone who loves holding hands in front of the fireplace and going for walks, dreaming of a house in the green, with a white garden fence, maybe a cat and wants to go to bed with the same man all his life." „That's scandalous“ „In this case it is, for me, yes,“ Pietro smirked. It was a somewhat grotesque picture drawn of Bucky, but he was basically right. Bucky had always wanted only one thing: this relationship with this boy, the only one he could love. Of this, he was convinced. He would never be missing anything in love (or in bed) if he only had that.

Wanda understood what her brother was meaning and since she basically wanted the same thing, she said nothing. "Have I upset you, _malen'kaya sestra_ (little sister, he was four minutes older)?" „How could your cosmopolitan, modern and ambivalent way of life not disgrace each of us having other ideas about happiness?” Her tone was cool and a little ... She was hurt!

Pietro was startled: " _Nebol'shoy_ (little one)!" He breathed sadly. "You want that too? Don't you think I'm the first to fight for you to get it? I don't want you to go around as careless ... in love things as I do! Not that you wouldn't have the right to do so if you wanted to, but how quickly could someone hurt you and I would have to kill said person. That would be a tragedy. Someone like me, a Russian ballet dancer, in an American prison! "

Wanda had to laugh a little, Pietro was relieved. "I'm serious, _sestra_ (sister), you have my full support to make your dream come true. It's this professor, isn't it? Mr. Vision?” She was startled. "Is that so obvious?" "No, don't worry. For nobody but me.“ „Let's talk about it later, not here.“ „Of course.” They looked back at the catapult fighters and their builder. Pietro's face became the usual cool mask when he let his gaze wander over Bucky's long lean limbs and body again, giving a farewell, somehow. Wanda whispered:

"Have you desired him?" „Well, yes. But I've never wanted to have little Stevie's ghost in my bed with us.” Wanda squeezed his arm laughing: “How well-put!“ „Yes, isn't it?” The twins joined their parents and Colonel Rhodes, who were looking like the most stimulating conversation at the moment, chatting and joking with them as if this serious dialogue had never existed.

Peter started yawning more than laughing, and Peter laughed more than any other child of that age. "Dad!" Steve called, "Pete is getting very tired right now!" Tony came to them immediately. "Well, Spiderling, time for bed?" "With Fhiday?" "She's definitely tired too, 't was a long day." "I want to take my balloon with me." "We're tying it to your bed." "I'm thooo tired ...“ „Then I'm taking you to bed, come on, Underoos.“ „Buggi-Thteve putting me to bed." Tony laughed. "You've heard it, boys." Steve beamed at Bucky. He stuttered: "Mr Stark, I've never, well, never ... I can't take a small child to bed!"

"I assure you it's not rocket science. He's doing the same as you at bedtime. Wash his face, brush his teeth, put on pajamas, falling asleep. Well, opposite you he of course leaves out one or the other intermediate step ... “, Tony smirked broadly and Bucky felt how his face was reddening again so annoyingly. Mr Stark could have straight away said: 'I know what you're going to do with my son afterwards', thank you very much! Steve called: "Come on, Bucky, if Pete says he's tired, it won't take long!" Peter had even climbed onto Bucky's lap cuddling up to him. He wanted to be carried.

"Get the balloon, baby," Bucky said automatically, overruled and somehow quite happy. The little one was really cute and he liked him, Bucky, so much! That was obvious! Then Bucky carried Peter, who waved good night to everyone, with Steve following them, who had the balloon and an unenthusiastic but compliant Friday. "Okay, that's now ... _um_..." Wanda said nothing more to her brother. He laughed: "At least no longer a picture of sin on legs, somehow making it easier." She laughed with relief. Her brother would be able to cope with the small defeat ...

In the bathroom of Peter's room he went to the loo, the two older boys looking discreetly away, then the little one got a washcloth, washed his face and hands carefully, then brushed his teeth. "Do we have to brush them after him? Small children do not always brush all corners and edges properly.“, Bucky said to Steve. "Huh? How do you know that?“ „From camp in summer. We've always brushed their teeth there after. Haven't you ever taken Peter to bed? "

"Of course I have. But he's always done everything well on his own.” Bucky decided when it was part of Peter's evening routine that his parents brushed his teeth, it wouldn't lead to a completely ruined dentition, if it would be left out one day. Then Peter got his Spider-Man pajamas and changed, again the two of them looking away discreetly. "Where's Fhiday?" Steve looked around the nursery. "Friday's on the cat bed."

"Good. Reading now.”, Peter went to his books box getting 'The Grinch' from Seuss, giving the book Bucky and climbed into his bed. The young men sat down on the floor next to it and Bucky opened the shredded copy from which Steve had probably been read many years ago. And then Bucky's beautiful, theater-proven voice was filling the room:

"Every Who

Down in Who-ville

Liked Christmas a lot...

But the Grinch,

who lived just north of Who-ville -

did not."

(...)

Peter and Steve sighed also because of the beloved story and because of the good recital. Peter was hanging on Bucky's lips – just like Steve, of course - but his eyes closed soon anyway. He quickly slept soundly. Bucky lowered the book. Steve sighed: "Too bad ..." "I can again be reading to you if I'm taking you to bed." Bucky chuckled. Steve punched him lightly. "You have to go soon, huh? It's late and I'm picking you up at eight tomorrow, as promised. Do you still have to pack up your things?” Bucky looked him straight in the eye. "Come on." He pulled him out of the nursery and closed the door quietly. "The cat stays inside, doesn't she?" "She has a loo in Pete's bathroom and always stays with him all night."

"I have a surprise for you, Stevie!" Bucky blurted out now, but quietly, they were still in the hallway in front of Peter's room. "What?" "I've already packed up." "Uh, groundbreaking ..." "You punk!" Bucky laughed softly. "I'm having my bags with me. I'm staying at yours tonight. Merry Christmas, baby.” Steve's face lit up with joy and Bucky's heart grew bigger in his chest.

"Oh, Bucky! My best Christmas ever!“ „Same with me, just the same ... ", then he hugged him and kissed him. Tenderly, even a bit chaste at first, but the kiss quickly got out of hand and Steve soon found himself pressed against the wall. He throbbed in his pants, Bucky too, their hands searching for holes in their clothes, finding bare skin here and there, moaning into each other's mouth, Bucky's lips wandered along Steve's jaw down his neck, pressing against his pulse ...

Steve's legs gave way and Bucky sank to the floor with him. There they pressed and rutted, rubbing their bodys at each other lengthways, sometimes one up, sometimes the other, kissing wildly with open mouths, clattering teeth, colliding noses, a lot of saliva and babbles. "I have to ... aaah, I'm coming otherwise ..." „Then just come ... „ But a noise startled them before someone ruined his pants. They broke apart, got up quickly with shaky legs, ran frantically through their hair, which of course made it only worse ...

The sound was Thor and Quill coming straight up and talking and laughing and rumbling like they always were. Quill would also stay with Thor and they had obviously just said goodbye to the party. Now they came around the corner finding Bucky and Steve. Thor shouted: "So, is Peter sleeping?" "Shht, not so loud! Of course he's sleeping. Would we be out here otherwise?” Steve called, much quieter, of course. Quill, who wasn't as lovably naive as Thor, looked them over from head to toe grinniing broadly at the red faces, disorganized clothes and messy hair.

"Come on, dude, we've downright interrupted something." "What? Steve says Peter is sleeping!“ Quill laughed. "Just come on." The two younger boys went past them, saying good night, Quill quite suggestively, and disappeared into Thor's room. The two nearly caught-in-the-acts looked at each other and bursted into giggles, of course in low voices, they were still in front of the nursery. "Come on, brush your hair." Steve said. "Yes, let's go down a bit and socialize some bit more before ..." "Before what?" "Before I'm reading the Grinch to you, what else? Tsas, Stevie ...“ „You're a jerk“ „Who's sure in need of a hairbrush, come on." Steve laughed and they got themselves sociably appropriate looking again in Steve's bathroom to go downstairs again.

Back in the living room, Tony pressed champagne glasses into their hands. "My house, my rules." "Sir ..." Bucky hesitated, glancing at Mrs. Stark. "Yes, yes, I know. Her house, her rules. She's allowed, I've asked her. Half a glass, you still have to drive.“ „Bucky's staying over!” Steve blurted out. Bucky had actually wanted to ask permission first. After all, it was Christmas. "When you and Mrs Stark give permission, of course." "Well, then!" Tony called, pouring Bucky's glass from the bottle in his hand.

"Cheers!" He clinked glasses with both boys and Bucky took a deep sip. Delicious! He had never had champagne. Steve, however, occasionally had some glass at family celebrations with his parents. "Drink slowly, Bucky, that goes to the head quickly." Steve whispered to him and then turned to Uncle Jim, with whom he had barely exchanged a word tonight. Bucky's glass was already half empty. And he hadn't eaten much because he'd felt a little uncomfortable at dinner and his appetite had suffered.

"Mini quiche?" Miss Romanov held a plate under his nose as if from nowhere. The ridiculously small pies tasted very good with champagne and soon his glass was already completely empty. Natasha took it from him and gave him one that was still full. The poor boy had been so tense all evening and felt to be eyed constantly from her impression. Champagne could be helpful with that. Unfortunately she couldn't give him vodka, this wasn't her house, not her rules, she shrugged to herself. That would have helped in an instant.

"Well, how are you feeling now?", She smiled at him half a glass later. "Fantastic, ma'am, thank you." "Take another quiche. The caterer finally charges $ 1.25 for 10 grams of flour, a teaspoon of water, and two crumbs of bacon. Those must be very special quiches!” Bucky giggled and stuffed another one of the tiny things in his mouth. "Don't crumble on your beautiful sweater. Let me guess: Stark Christmas sweater. "

"M-hm. Isn't it beautiful, ma'am?” Bucky breathed. "Well, I don't know. But you can probably put a flour sack around your neck and you're still an eye-catcher.“ „I can only return that, Miss Romanov.“ Increasing his charm was obviously included in Bucky's champagne persona. "Just be careful, child, my husband can get very angry," she teased. "Dr Banner?" Bucky called in amazement and louder than he wanted.

"I'm asked for with the two of you?" Bruce Banner joined them, smiling friendly. He glanced at Bucky's red cheeks, shiny eyes, and the almost empty glass in his hand. He took it from him, gave his wife a glance which made her shrink, and then he asked Nucky: "Would you like to sit down, my boy? Come here...”, with that he steered Bucky to the couch pushing him down emphatically. He looked after his champagne glass with regret, but then sighed and slid down the backrest, made himself small and wanted to be invisible.

Did he just get tipsy in Mr Stark's house at his Christmas party in front of his whole family and close friends? He then didn't realize it was Tony Stark himself who had offered him the champagne in the first place. He closed his eyes briefly. "Is that a real Gucci belt or some imitaion?" A male voice suddenly startled him, very close, right next to him. He raised an eyelid. _Pietro._ He didn't really feel up to another member of this family, at least not those with Russian blood.

"The Gucci Belt! Is it real?” the Russian repeated. Bucky looked down at himself in confusion, noticed that his sweater had slipped up over his waistband, you could even see a narrow strip of skin! He quickly adjusted his sweater. " _Zhalost_ '..." Pietro murmured to himself. Bucky frowned. _Too bad?_ What the hell? Pietro didn't know about Bucky being proficient in Russian - and when it came to Bucky, no member of this crazy family should ever know. The dancer thought Bucky was just annoyed at not understanding anything.

"So again: Is this a Gucci belt?" "It was a gift." " _Oh_." " _Not_ from Steve!" Bucky called with a little sharpness, "My father gave it to me for Christmas. Anyway, it was in the usual wooden box with the original branding and seal. I assume that it's real. But it doesn't matter. It's fabulous either way!“ „Haven't seen enough of it. Would you show me again?"

" _Synok, bud 'khoroshim_ (son, be good)!" Pietro immediately rose under his mother's stern gaze heading for the kitchen. He had to check his dating apps again. The thin strip of fair, soft-looking skin, a streak of black hair over a fabulous Gucci belt had been very stimulating and all that was left only for Steven Stark, a shame ... Pietro sighed pulling his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Hey, baby.“ Bucky had closed his eyes again, but opened one at the sound of Steve's voice. "I think _you_ have to read the Grinch to _me_. What time is it?“ „Half past eleven. I've thought we might be leaving soon. We have to get up early.“ „I'm so embarrassed,“ Bucky whispered. "What is it?" Steve asked quietly. "Everyone must have noticed what's going on with me." Steve laughed to himself. "Nobody's noticed anything, not even me until now. Look at them! They're all having a bit of a jag by now!“ „You don't.“ „I've wanted to keep my head clear: An awesome boy's sleeping in my bed tonight." Steve whispered in his ear. "Do I know him?" "Oh, he's a jerk, but I just can't resist his crazy demonic penis magic."

"Steve!" Bucky hissed, looking around frantically. "Nobody's paying attention to us. I'm telling everyone we are heading to sleep. You just have to wave when we go out the room calling 'good night'.“ "Okay." When they said good night from the door, Tony shouted, "Don't be so loud!" Bucky blushed and coughed spluttering. Tony smirked broadly: "Tomorrow morning, when you're leaving for your vacation. Have fun in the snow!” Bucky literally fleed from the roaring laughter at the cheerful party. Steve caught up with him on the stairs:

"Perhaps that's consoling you: They are all like that only if someone belongs to the 'inner circle'. Everything okay, baby?” Bucky took Steve's hand without a word increasing their pace again. In the safety of Steve's room, he hugged him tightly. "I love you, Steven Stark. And when I'm dying a thousand deaths from your shameless people's remarks, I don't care, I love you.” They kissed, stumbling to bed, pulling each other's sweaters over their heads, kicking off their shoes, fiddling with their belts and buttons and zippers, impatiently and in a rush. Then, when Bucky took a deep breath, he swayed a little. "Oh!"

Steve reacted at lightning speed pushing him into the bathroom. But Bucky didn't have to throw up and a few handfuls of cold water in his face made him better again. "I want to take a shower," he whispered. "Me too, the sweater is so warm and I was sweating a lot." "Can I be first?" „Of course. Your hair also needs longer to be blown dry.“ „Um, actually I haven't planned on blow drying. Unless you mind ...“ „Are you kidding? You are very sexy with wet hair!“, Steve laughed.

"Then I'm getting myself sexy quickly, right?" With that he went to the shower turning on the tap. Steve went to his room and set everything they would need on the bedside table, folded back the covers and turned the lamps down a bit until the room was bathed in a dim warm light. Bucky came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and Steve swallowed. With a second towel, he rubbed his hair a bit dry, from dripping wet to sexy-wet. Bucky dropped it dramatically on the floor next to him. His hair was jet black when wet. Sticking out in all directions, a few strands fell into his face. "Sexy ..." Steve breathed going to him.

"Go take a shower, Stevie! You are sweaty and, by the way, also very sexy with wet hair. Or wet skin when we're at it. You don't have to towel yourself off too thoroughly, okay?” Steve gasped and hurried into the bathroom. Bucky's chuckle chased him making his stomach tingle. Steve came back patted dry a bit so he wasn't dripping too much, with a towel around his waist. His hair was sticking wet to his head. Bucky lay stretched across Steve's bed, head and shoulders slightly raised, leaning against the wall. He had one of his long legs bent, the other one stretched out. His towel was crumpled into a little ball, held to his crotch with just covering enough to stimulate the imagination. "Come 'ere, you," he whispered.

Steve felt magically drawn, padded to the bed, and Bucky straightened up, stretched out an arm, hooking his fingers into the top of the towel around Steve's waist. He pulled, but held it in place and Steve's knees gave way. Falling on bed with Bucky pulling the towel away from him, throwing it aside embracing Steve with both arms, pulling him close. He shivered. Steve's wet skin was cool, Bucky loved it and pressed his whole body against him. Bucky's bundle of towels had disappeared somewhere and both clearly felt how aroused the other one was, rubbing at each other, triying to get more contact and be even closer.

Between wet, uncoordinated kisses with wide open mouths they whispered feverishly nonsense like "babybabybaby", "wait, no don't wait", "more of that" "not yet" Bucky withdrawn from the wild making-out. "I don't want it to be over so quickly, it's Christmas," he said breathlessly. "Exactly, Christmas." Steve gasped and lunged himself onto Bucky again. He quickly had brought a pillow between their bodies, Steve growled in frustration but Bucky licked his ear whispering: "Let me, you're gonna like that."

With that he rolled him on his stomach, shoving the pillow under his pelvis sliding down between Steve's legs. He expected Bucky to prepare him for sex in total agreement. Then Bucky, spreading his buttocks wide with his hands, licked him firmly through the crease flat tongue pressed onto his butt hole. Steve made a violent leap forward with a disgusted sound, even nudging his head to the headboard, but not very hard. Time seemed to be standing still for many seconds ...

Steve had curled up into some kind of ball and was terribly ashamed of his reaction. His tongue was paralyzed. He wanted to say a thousand things to Bucky but no word seemed to be able to leave his lips. Bucky felt the same way. Steve's fierce defense ... confused him. No - it _hurt_ him. And much so. After a long silence there was finally a sound from Steve. A tiny frustrated but very sad snort. Bucky's mind immediately clicked back into work.

"Steve ... hey, Stevie. I'm so sorry. I haven't meant to ... I see, it's too early for that. Come on, it's not bad, let's just forget it ... ” He didn't get an answer. "Stevie?", his voice was now almost an octave higher than usual. "Bucky ...", Steve's low voice broke, he coughed, clearing his throat: "I ... haven't known ... well... Are people really doing this outside of porn?”, He was difficult to understand because of his low voice. Bucky closed his eyes briefly taking a deep breath.

"Steven, can I touch you? Hug you? Please...” Steve untied himself and reached out a hand for him. Well, that was a start. Bucky took the hand, putting it against his cheek, kissed Steve's wrist. "Stevie, it's not a big thing. Maybe we need a safe word. When we're having one and you feel uncomfortable with something, that's a signal for me to stop immediately, without discussion or pressure for you."

"Do you have one?" Steve whispered. "Yes. Tinkerbell.“ „ _Tinkerbell_?“ „Well, It's not very likely for me blurting out 'Tinkerbell' during sex, is it? Exactly the sense of a safe word.“ „Have you ever needed it?" Bucky thought tormented: _It's Christmas, why does that have to be discussed right now?_ "Yes. More than once. It was always respected, all of a sudden. That's how a safe word works, especially when you love each other. And I ... I love you, Steve!” Finally safe terrain again Steve thought and exclaimed passionately:

"I love you too, I'm so ..." Bucky interrupted him: "No, Stevie. You don't have to. Stop it. You are not ready, it's okay. It’s really okay. Do you want a safe word?” Steve thought for a moment. "May I use yours too?" Bucky laughed softly. "Of course. You're not going to accidentally slip out 'Tinkerbell' in bed with me, at least I hope so... so yes!“ „Certainly not. So that's fixed.“ „Yes, Stevie, that's fixed now.“ „Lay your arms around me, Hold on me tight"

_Finally_. Bucky crawled up in bed hugging his boyfriend, kissing his now almost dry hair. "Bucky ... I feel ... bad now. I'm sorry.“ „No, baby, please don't, not on our first Christmas. I love you and have never been so happy in life. We have to get out early tomorrow morning. Maybe it's best we're getting some sleep anytime soon.“ „I'm also happy. Are you holding on to me tight until I fall asleep? We're having so much time in Poughkeepsie, just the two of us, it's gonna be ... wonderful."

"Yes baby. It's gonna, go to sleep now, I'm having you.” “But you, too. Getting you out of bed is a Herculean task if you haven't slept enough.” “But it's easy for you to get me _into_ bed, so don't complain that much, punk.” Steve snuggled up to his boyfriend sighing comfortably . "I'm not doing that at all." “Good night, Stevie." Steve quickly fell asleep. Bucky was lying awake for a long time ...


	63. Dashing through the snow

**Dashing through the snow**

And Bucky _was_ hard to get out of bed in the morning ... "Come on now, coffee is ready," Steve called, slowly getting a bit annoyed. "Ngh. Someone awake?“ „No, everyone is still asleep, even Peter - he was late for bed yesterday.“ „Me too.“ „But you're not three years old anymore! Come on, the train's going in less than an hour.“ „Five minutes to go.” Steve had enough and pulled the duvets away from Bucky. He protested pressing his hands to his eyes. "I'm burning from all that light!"

"You're such a jerk." But his jerk looked adorable, Steve thought. He had an oversized t-shirt of Steve's on him, which he must have gotten sometime in the night and one of his long legs was bent over the edge of the bed at the knee, the other one was stretched out. He was probably naked under the shirt. The best thing was his hair, badly messed up, dried uncombed overnight, giving him something wild, untamed. Half of it hanging over his face, the other half spread out on the pillow like a corona! Bucky started to roll on his stomach. He probably wanted to pull the pillow over his head.

Steve was on the bed with one leap, swinging one leg over him preventing him. He pinned Bucky downright, pulled his hands away from his face with gentle force, looking at him sternly as he blinked up at him. "I'm just wondering I've ever seen you at school before ten. Do you have someone I don't know of who gets you out of bed in the morning? A butler or robot or something?“ Bucky giggled. "Oh Stevie, don't you know that? This is a show just for you. You're so cute when you're strern.” Steve stopped. _Cute_ when _stern_?

"Bucky Barnes, do you want to screw me up?" "No, I'd never think of it, Stevie. I'm dead serious.” And since Bucky suddenly sounded very awake from one second to the next, Steve pinched his stomach, but not very hard. "You idiot're only doing this to annoy me?" "Annoy? No, rather to challenge you.“, Bucky's eyes sparkled. Steve narrowed his eyes a little. When he gave in to that, they'd lose even more time. Besides, Bucky would be so satisfied with himself and wouldn't stop being so all day ... Bucky smirk widened as he became aware of his boyfriend's inner conflict. Steve didn't think so ...

He gave Bucky a small pat on the chest and stepped off him nonchalantly. "Do as you want, baby. We can also take a later train. The snow's not gonna run away from us. Do you want your blanket back, sweetheart?” His smile was as sweet as his tone. Bucky's puzzled expression was golden, Steve thought, and he grinned to himself. "Well," his boyfriend growled after half a minute swinging his legs out of bed. "There's coffee, you've said?" "A quick cup and hurry up in the bathroom. The way your hair looks, you're in there an eternity!“ „Hey! You've already won, don't overdo!” Bucky threatened playfully with his index finger.

"I don't have to fix my hair at all. I have a fabulous hat with me. And I don't have to take it off all day. The weather forecast says minus 4 degrees in Poughkeepsie.“ „And it's still snowing!“ „Awesome!“ They smiled at each other and Bucky got up smoothly, catching Steve just when he was about to turn away. "Come 'ere, you punk. I love your fantastic idea and I love you.” He kissed him. "Thanks again." Steve turned a little pink, mostly with joy. "Oh ...", then he let himself be kissed again. His body went all soft hugging Bucky more closely.

"What about another five minutes in bed now?" He teased. Steve chuckled. "Okay, this is a tie, I've almost said 'yes'. But I really want to go on vacation with you now. Come on.” Bucky laughed softly. "I want that, too. Just give me some coffee, you punk and then we can go." "Hurry up in the bathroom, yes? In the meantime, I'm getting dressed, get the bags down there pouring his Majesty, the Ball King, some coffee.” Bucky had already put his clothes out for today and withdrew away from Steve, regretfully and yet with great anticipation: their first short vacation as a couple!

They just made it onto the regional train taking them to New York Grand Central Station, where they had to change trains to Poughkeepsie. Bucky was looking dashing in his ice-blue Mr Porter accessory set with his eyes standing out so brightly Steve wondered for the hundredth time why he hadn't been there for months - or years! - hadn't known he loved and wanted him , _this,_ more than anything else in the world. They found an empty compartment on the express train to Poughkeepsie and made themselves comfortable. Steve was still a little weak in the stomach from the things Bucky's silvery glittering eyes were doing to him.

„You like what you see, Stevie?" Bucky whispered, amused. "Th-this hat and scarf are looking really good on you." „Oh, well, fantastic. I was just thinking, nice and warm here, I can take off, even if my hair's a mess, we are among ourselves, and then you're complimenting me ...“ „Hm, your wild curly hair, would also be... nice.“ „ _Nice_ ...“ „Sexy. Irresistible. Better?“ „Better. But you better stop. We don't want to get into trouble. You're bad influence for me, Stevie. I'm constantly in jail because of you.” Bucky laughed. Steve disagreed:

"Listen! About the madman trying to attach the drug story to you, I can't do anything!” Bucky went pale , freezing. _Crap_. Steve suddenly looked at him very alert and investigatively. "Bucky ...?" He looked into his lap, the paleness was suddenly replaced by a hectic blush. He felt hot tearing off his scarf and hat. The wild mane of uncombed unruly hair sprang free looking like being alive itself. Steve whispered:

"Bucky ... maybe you want to tell me something?" Bucky looked up at him, defiant and unhappy. "Tell me!" Steve called urgently. "Oh, Stevie!" Bucky burst out passionately, "I've just wanted to forget about that and I've wanted you to never know!" That was the truth. Steve had casually told him a few days ago Pauline Beauregard would stay in Paris and not come back to school. _God bless_. Steve was startled by Bucky's passionate announcement. Then he added very quietly: "But I can't lie to you ..."

Steve looked really scared now. "Bucky ... baby, what's happened?" "The madman who wanted to put the drug story on me was ... Pauline." Steve's eyes were huge, threatening to fall out of his head, then: "W-what? WHAT?” He stuttered. Bucky thought if Steve showed the slightest doubt about the truth of the story, he would instantly die of a broken heart. He wriggled around a bit starting to tell with his eyes burning quickly, tears were tingling behind his eyelids about Steve looking so incredulous. Bucky's voice grew fainter and brighter and then finally broke:

"She's wanted you and almost ruined me because of that ...", he breathed heavily, knew he was going to cry and might not be able to stop. Steve still looked as vigilant, as indifferent as a cop interogating. "Bucky ... that's incredible!" _Yes, yes, what else? I'm the dramatic gay boy with the overwhelming imagination_ ... now Bucky _had_ to cry. He withdrew into a solid ball, legs drawn, arms around and head bowed, his shoulders shaking and Steve sat frozen in front of him. Why was Bucky reacting so violently? He got up, reached out touchnig his shoulder. He passionately slapped his hand away.

"Do not touch me! You think I'm lying. Do you think I've made it up? Yes of course. The fine diplomat's daughter can't pull that off! But the gay boy from the broken family, of course, now is getting up to a bit of no good, twisting the facts and fabling until ...“ „BUCKY!" Steve called out loudly. He was startled. Looking up, smeared with snot and tears and yet so incredibly pretty and sweet and sexy with his wild hair.

"B-bucky ..." Steve whispered hoarsely. "No no no, you're getting it wrong! I know you're not lying to me. I know you're telling the truth ... oh please, believe me!” Steve pulled a handkerchief out of his jeans holding it out to Bucky. He nodded encouragingly meaning 'you do it' and Steve wiped his boyfriend's face clean. "Stevie ..." "Bucky. I believe you. But I think of it being so unbelievable. Someone, especially a Parisian model, is making such an effort, trying so hard to ... well ... because of me." Bucky chuckled. "Dude ... you punk. Don't you have a mirror? And don't forget: you are a millionaire."

"I can hardly believe the Ball King wants me," Steve whispered after a short break. Bucky laughed. _He laughed!_ Steve looked a little hurt. "Oh god, Stevie, I'm sorry! But do you have any idea how awesome, fantastic and incredible you've been for me for years? Ever since I've known you?” Steve looked at him incredulously. "You? The school's idol? For years?“ „Since you saved my ' _school essay'_ “ "So it was really your diary ..."

"Yes, it was, and aftre that it exploded. I only ever was writing about you!“ „Uh, really?” Bucky laughed again. "But yes! Call it gay awakening!“ „You were eleven“ Steve breathed, „a child.“ Bucky sighed. "Stevie, darling, all the kids fall in love with Mummy or Daddy or an aunt, a cousin. Anyway, I've only fallen in love once as a child, with you.“ Steve was speechless. Bucky shrugged his shoulders, palms up: "Luckily for me you've developed so well." "Bucky ..." he shook his head.

"But Pauline ... well, that's outrageous! What have the police said about it?“ „She played it down as a prank, a typically dark French prank and since she turned herself in, she was only given a warning. After all, she's had diplomatic immunity.“ „What if she'd stick to it?” „Have you been attracted to her?“ Bucky asked out of the blue. Steve started. His innate honesty won: "Well, yes. Like to any beautiful girl paying me so much attention, but it's not like I've really wanted her. Since summer I've only thought of you and finally known it's you: the one person I want to be with. So I haven't wasted more thought on Pauline than the one or the other 'pretty-hairstyle-nice-legs-in-that-skirt', the usual stuff... "

"The cops asked me if I've wanted to report her..." Bucky said casually. "And, haven't you?" "Oh, firstly of course, I've pretty much wanted to. But then I've realized why she's started such a desperate action. She wasn't getting on with you ... and somehow I've known why and then I haven't cared whether she was paying for the crap she's done or not. Only you've counted to me and that was going so well.“ Bucky grinned. "Oh god, yes!" Steve laughed, "When I think of the night I picked you up at the police station, how close we've been then ..." Bucky chuckled. "Unbelievable nothing more has happened..." Steve smirked at him: "When I'm only thinking of how you lunged at me..."

At that moment the sliding door to their compartment opened and two girls their age stuck their heads in. "Helloooo!", It sounded genuinely enthusiastic, "Are there still some seats free here?" "Uh ...", Steve said, but Bucky quickly put his hat onto his unruly head putting on his impersonal, somewhat cool, but nonetheless very much attractive smile: “Of course. The more the merrier!“ The girls giggled and Steve looked at Bucky in confusion as the two girls shoved their ski gear and bags into the compartment. They were wearing ski suits and stylish hats and they were both very pretty. Bucky glanced back at his friend, as if to say _go on flirt a little bit, at the end of the day you're lying in my bed._

Steve's eyes widened. It was never Bucky who informed strangers of their relationship. As soon as he made it always clear he was gay, that was strange, Steve thought. But apparently he wanted to leave it to Steve to come out or not, depending on him feeling like it or not. He made a mental note of it and later, when they'd be alone, he would ask him why he was doing that. "I'm Casey and this is Lisa.", The obviously word-leading girl introduced them.

"Hello, Casey and Lisa. This is Steve and I'm James.” Steve looked at him again confused. _James?_ Bucky smiled only slightly at him. "Are you going skiing too?" Casey sked, a brunette, green-eyed beauty with lots of freckles. Steve said nothing, so Bucky replied, "No, we're going on some hikes in Minnewaska State Park near Poughkeepsie. Maybe we're building a snowman.” The girls giggled again. Lisa, strawberry blonde and quite small with a very cute snub nose finally talked, too: "Is him speaking too?" She gave a nod to Steve who blushed.

Bucky replied, "Ask him about the Indian Wars and he won't stop talking.“ The girls giggled again and Steve was just amazed and a little proud to see how simple and quick girls reacted to Bucky. "Do you want to know anything about the Indian Wars?" He blurted out. Casey and Lisa giggled even more, Bucky grinned. Casey asked Steve teasingly. "What's new with the Indian Wars?" "I've written an essay for exams, you want me to send it to you?"

"Is that a request for my phone number?" Steve's eyes flicked to his boyfriend. But he was just checking his phone. "Well, if you want to read the essay." "I have to think about it, but I'd like to get your number." Bucky finally looked up, smirking at Steve. "Steve, that was clear, wasn't it?" "Uh ..." "Is he always so talkative, James?" Lisa asked, speaking word numbers five to ten since the two of them came into the compartment. Bucky looked at her and her interest in him was clearly written on her face. "Oh ..." Bucky said softly and kindly. "Before we're getting embarrassed: I'm gay. I'm sorry. Of course not, but .. you know what I mean." Lisa laughed:

"Too bad, but that explains the stylish hat. MrPorter?“ „Yes!" Bucky called in amazement, "How come you know that?“ „My brother is gay and he loves MrPorter!“ „Your brother has a good taste.“ „Do you want his number? You're just his type.“ Bucky laughed, Steve looked a bit stressed. "And his type is what exactly? Boys with MrPorter hats?“ „ _Pretty_ boys. Seriously, you're just about model level. I now can tell directly with cleard fronts.” Bucky laughed a little embarrassed but also quite satisfied. "Thank you very much. I can't really judge, but you're also very cute.” Lisa chuckled. "Again: too bad."

Casey looked back and forth between Steve and Bucky finally struggling: "And you?", to Steve, "Do you live the dream? Gay best friend?" Bucky snorted softly and Steve straightened up: "You think that's trendy, yes? No, Bu-James and I are a couple. Sorry, no _not_ sorry. Why though?“ Bucky caught his breath, Lisa smiled broadly and Casey looked startled. "Um, I'm sorry, really. It's totally fine, of course.” Steve started blushing a little. "I'm sorry," he said then, "I've been a little aggressive." "It's okay ... you have to take it a lot ...", Casey murmured and Lisa nodded.

"No. Not that often," Bucky said ,"we've got awesome friends and everyone in school is pretty well educated.“ „Tell us how you've met!" Lisa called. "We're going to the same school!" Steve laughed. "No, I've meant how you've gotten together." Bucky and Steve looked at each other laughing "Do you have some time on your hand?" Steve asked, "We're getting off at Minneapolis." "Us at Poughkeepsie, so we have to hurry," Bucky mused, "I was eleven ...", the girls sighed ... The two of them rarely interrupted the exciting love story, giggled and laughed often, and kept looking at Steve in shock because he had been so clueless, but Bucky (James) always defended him. In Poughkeepsie they said goodbye. Without exchanging phone numbers, what for in the end?

Bucky and Steve were looking for the right departure track for the historic train. The train was already ready for departure and Bucky got big bright eyes. "It's looking like Hogwarts Express! Oh, Stevie!” Of course, the historic train was not powered by steam or diesel but by renewable energy. Steve was, after all, his father's son and Bucky's boyfriend. They got in searching for a compartment. "James?" Steve teased when they'd made themselves comfortable. Bucky smiled. "I'm kind of in an incognito mood. Our first short vacation as a couple!“ „What do you mean by incognito mood?“ „Oh, that's silly ... "

"Tell me though, please!" Bucky wrinkled his nose and said self-deprecatingly: "I like to imagine I'm running away with you. With the son of my boss." Steve laughed out loud: "That _is_ silly!“ „Told yah so.", Bucky pouted a bit. "Then why are you introducing yourself as 'James'?" "It's a bit like slipping into someone else's role. Oh, I can't explain. Maybe I just wanted to let you have a little bit of the flirting girls, if you understand what I mean. With 'James' I've distanced myself a bit from you." Steve was startled: "I don't know if I really understand that. You've wanted me to flirt?“ "No, yes, maybe, but not too decisively."

Bucky looked briefly at the ceiling, thinking hard. "You know, I love it when my baby is successful. Back in the club I've been so proud of all the glances at you. Now it's even better, because now...“, he was gazing at Steve very intensely from top to bottom and back again, making him blush under the explicit stare. "Now it's all mine. I can trust you, Stevie, can't I?”, That was meant rhetorically sounding very seductive in a deep voice. Steve cleared his throat. "I'm also proud when I notice that you're ogled – and that happens a fair amount of times, I'm a bit jealous though." Bucky has not been jealous in the slightest since their first kiss. But he had the feeling Steve would get it wrong if he admitted. Instead, he said:

"I can also be very jealous. So go and have some flirt and be admired, but ... ", he leaned forward: "At the end of the day you're lying in my bed." Steve gasped and got even more red on the face. "I don't want to be flirting..." he blurted out in his honest manner. Bucky chuckled from low out of his throat. "Baby, I know. I'm not doing it either...“ Bucky glared so sexily at him stretching his long legs over to Steve's bench looking great anyway - Steve sighed.

Bucky leaned back comfortably, winked at Steve, smiling sweetly and said: “All is well. Perfect. I've been waiting for you for years, why should I waste even one thought or a crappy pickup line to anyone when I have you, now that all my dreams have come true, who else responds so wonderfully to my flirting and pickup lines and sweet nothings. I have to kiss you right now.” The sudden change of subject startled Steve. "Then do it..." he breathed.

Bucky got up, dropped to his knees in front of Steve pulling his head down towards him, one hand on the back of his neck, the other hand pressed tightly to Steve's chest, fingertips where his sweater's seam met bare skin. When their lips met, they were both seeing stars and for minutes they lost themselves in the intense, very tender kiss. When their breaths started to move faster, and Bucky's hands tightened a little more, Steve's hands clutching to Bucky's shoulders like a lifeline, Bucky broke away breathlessly.

"When the conductor's coming, we don't want to show him more than our tickets, do we?" He whispered hoarsely against Steve's mouth. He laughed shakily and shook his head. "We have all weekend in a hut." "You've promised me snow." "Look out the window, jerk," Steve laughed properly now. Bucky looked up at the window and was on his feet in a split second, pressing his nose almost flat against the cold glass. Flushing snow and behind it a dreamy snowy winter forest in glittering white!

"Stevie ..." he breathed happily and reached out to him without looking. Steve also got up, stepping next to Bucky and interlaced their fingers. "Good to see you so happy, baby," he whispered. "This is the best thing anyone has ever given me!" He turned his head to Steve leaning over to kiss him. Steve was only too happy to be kissed. He was proud of himself. Bucky was delighted with his present!

From then on, Bucky was impossible to be gotten away from the window. Then he remembered something: "What are we actually eating there?" Steve replied: "The hut's located in a hut village and there's a mini market where you can get bread, cheese and other basic foodstuffs. You don't have to shoot us some deer, don't worry!” Bucky laughed, shakink a little. “The fish in summer was enough for me. Shooting a deer? Kill Bambi? Without me.” Steve put an arm around his shoulders hugging him from behind. "You don't have to, baby."

"Stevie ... I'm so happy." "Me too, Bucky, me too." He rested his head on Steve's shoulder and they watched the swirling snowflakes in silence for minutes. Until the conductor disturbed them and snapped off their tickets - very old-fashioned out of paper. Ten minutes later they arrived at the North Pole Elves Outpost - the name of the hut village. The train station was as old-fashioned as the train, a wooden house, a station manager who welcomed everyone and carriages (carriages!) In front of it. Steve ordered one and they climbed up, laying the blankets being ready there over their legs and off they went.

"Steve, that's magical. I love you!” Bucky whispered overwhelmed by romance. Steve smiled to himself squeezing Bucky's hand between them. The carriage took them to 'their' hut looking like something out of a fairy tale! Made of coarse tree trunks with a roof made of a one-meter-high layer of straw based on the German model with bull's-eye panes instead of windows and an inviting wreath of fir branches on the door. Steve tipped the coachman taking the key for the hut, as it was agreed, from under the doormat. They entered and it was ... cold.

At first it was terribly cold. But Steve headed straight for the fireplace lighting a fire. It would take time to warm up the large room, so they decided to go to the mini market, stocking up on bread, cheese, snacks, corned beef, and canned soup. When they came back it was nice and warm in the main room. Bucky heated tomato soup in the living room/kitchen combination adding a few crackers. Bucky really wanted to dash into the snow! And Steve wanted Bucky to have what he wanted.

When they came back with red cheeks and sparkling eyes, it was cozy and warm on the ground floor, but the sleeping quarters - accessible via a steep staircase, a mattress under the roof - resembled an ice cave. Without further ado, they threw mattresses, pillows and blankets through the ceiling opening setting up a bed in front of the fireplace. They had cheese with bread in the evening and Steve pulled a bottle of champagne out of his bag. "Devil's stuff," Bucky grumbled grimly. "Come on, I'm sticking it in the snow for half an hour ... I've thought you were sweet with champagne in your blood ..." Bucky's eyes grew a little uncertain ...

"Yes, I've scared and intimidated you with my advances - very sweet." Steve took a deep breath. "I was just surprised and I'm really sorry. I haven't mean to offend you. And I swear to you, you've never done anythingt I haven't loved. Only this ... I'm not so confident ... there ... about the spot "; he had become a little shy again. Bucky melted away, he loved Steve so much! He cleared his throat. "Champagne's sounding good, this is a holiday!" "Then we're putting it in the snow doing something else in the meanwhile. An episode of 'Modern Family'?” Bucky nodded and Steve took the bottle out while Bucky started Steve's Starkpad. They chose season 7's Christmas episode, fittingly set in a wooden hut.

Bucky made hot chocolate for Steve, putting some cookies on a plate and they made themselves comfortable on their mattress. Steve was sitting cross legged with Bucky in front of him, head in his lap, the cookies plate balancing on his chest. Steve was playing with Bucky's hair feeding him cookies. After the second Christmas episode, this time one of Big Bang Theory, in which Penny gave Sheldon Leonard Nimoy's napkin, Steve went getting the champagne in and Bucky looked for suitable glasses in the kitchen. He found none, shrugged, taking juice glasses, design Walmart. Steve popped the cork pouring.

"To us!" "Cheers!" "To more such wonderful holidays!" "To more good ideas from you!" "I love you." "I love you too." The clink of the glasses sounded cheap and they had to laugh a bit when thinking of what the champagne from Tony Stark's wine cellar might have cost. Bucky was sitting now too, his back against Steve's chest, his head twisted a little because so he could be looking at him. Sipping, he looked deep into his eyes over the rim of the glass, then stated: “The flames're dancing in your eyes. You're beautiful."

" _You_ are beautiful, _gorgeous_..." Steve breathed. Bucky, of course, was no longer wearing his hat and his totally messy hair was sexy. Bucky took the glass from him putting both of them away. Then he climbed on his lap, face-to-face, hugging him. Steve raised his chin closing his eyes slowly. Bucky kissed him. His cheeks, his forehead, eyelids, the tip of his nose, every square inch of Steve's face he covered with tiny, breathy kisses, and when he finally pressed his mouth to his lips, he opened them immediately and a sigh slipped away when Bucky licked into his mouth...

Steve's hands on Bucky's waist tightened, then frantically stroking up and down his sides, beneath the sweater, pulling the T-shrit out of his waistband, exploring smooth soft skin. Bucky shivered and Steve groaned. Bucky's heart swelled and he sighed: "Stevie ... it's so nice with you ... sex with you ... so nice ..." Steve laughed softly. "Oh? I can only give that back.“ „Any plans?“ Bucky smiled, his lips brushing against Steve's earlobe. "Would you like to sip champagne from my belly-button?" Steve whispered in a deep voice. Bucky couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, the cliché!" Steve slapped him lightly on his thigh.

"You're spoiling the mood." "No, you're doing that with worn out clichés, who's still drinking champagne from belly buttons?" „I tell you...“, Steve breathed, kissing him, „You do. Now. Go on.“ Bucky was speechless. Steve could be so bossy. And he liked it, really liked it! "O-okay ...", so he took off Steve's sweater reaching for one of their glasses and Steve lay down flat on his back.

"That's gonna be a mess ..." "Not when you're quick." " _Wow_." Steve grinned. Bucky shook his head and, after drinking it almost empty, moved the glass into position. Steve's belly button was deep, not flat and filled like Bucky's, that could actually work. Concentrated, he tipped the tiny remnant into the small hollow closing his lips around it so nothing could run onto bed. Bucky dipped the tip of his tongue into the mini-puddle soaking up the dwarf's gulp. Steve's sigh streched out. _Oh._

His belly-button was a part of his body Bucky had not exactly ignored during the two months of their relationship, but had not particularly included in their lovemaking either. Nudging his tongue harder and Steve grunted comfortably. Bucky raised his head: "More of that?" "Oh yes!" Bucky got the second champagne glass and emptied it almost to the end. He tipped the rest into Steve's belly button licking it out enthusiastically. Steve moaned, buckling up a little. The Campagne was superfluous. This wasn't about that, Steve just wanted to be licked and touched there.

Bucky put his hands to the small of his back, lifting him up a little, Steve made a hollow back and Bucky pressed the tip of his tongue deep into his boyfriend's birthmark. He groaned deeply, guttural and animalisitc. Nerve tracts from this point sending impulses all over his abdomen, he was literally on fire, searching for Bucky's arm, looking for his hand grabbing it, shoving it unmistakably into his crouch. "Buck-cky .." he called out in a broken voice. Running his lips in small circles around his belly button Bucky purred: "Yes, baby? What is it?” Steve growled, breathing heavily, his other hand running through Bucky's hair tugging desperately.

"Open me up for you with champagne. And don't stop licking me there.” Bucky froze. "Steve ..." he breathed. "I-I don't do that." "Wh-what? Bucky! Please!“ „No, Steve, never in my life, I don't want to hurt you. I don't think champagne's working.“ „Try it out!", Steve hissed, "and go on with your tongue, for heaven's sake!", The last words were pressed with desire. For that, Bucky was compliant immediately sticking his tongue deep and hard into Steve's belly button. That drove him crazy, sending almost painful stimulants to his brain and deeper regions.

"Please, fuck me, please, please." _Oh God_ ... "I want to, but nobody would buy lube if it was possible to do with water, and champagne is nothing else; Water with taste.“, Bucky protested a little weakened, but still not tolerating an argument. Steve groaned in frustration, growling, "Get it, but hurry up!" Bucky blinked a few times ... _Wow_ ... _bossy_ bottom ... Stumbling when getting up, hurrying to get lube and condoms from his bag. When he was back and got everything ready, Steve, who had since stripped off his remaining clothes and was naked, sighed with relief: "Finally ... You could have been faster, you know?"

"You're such a punk ..." Bucky laughed and before Steve could answer, he licked him firmly in the belly button and lubricating the fingers of his right hand. Steve shivered and trembled all over in anticipation, alternating between declarations of love and cursing, while Bucky prepared him finger after finger, literally maligning his navel with his tongue. Steve was in heaven, but Bucky was too, he loved it that way ... Steve,surrendering to him, writhed, stammering his name, opened up more an more with every minute until he was was ready for Bucky to take him... Steve longing for him, he wanted - needed! - nothing more than Bucky making love to him, no, _fucking_ him - that was what Steve kept crying out: "Fuck me!"

Bucky was dizzy, tearing his own clothes off, fumbling over a condom. "Okay?" "Go on, jerk!" Bucky pursed his lips, got a considerable amount of lube to his cock and pushed into Steve with one quick stroke. He was at this point he could be taking that. "Aaaah ...", they breathed out in unison and Bucky stayed deep in Steve for a few seconds, motionless until he felt he had relaxed, adjusted to the intruder. Steve whispered: "Yesss ..." Bucky grabbed Steve by the back of his knees, pushing his legs against his chest not holding back anymore...

After a few wild minutes filling the little hut with clapping from two bodies slapping at each other and more sex sounds, Steve gripped the back of his knees himself and Bucky sat back onto his heels, widening his thighs for more balance and purchase to get his hands free. One was tight around Steve's throbbing, leaking cock when he shoved the other's middle finger between Steve's lips, who bit it in an instant, but not very hard. Wetting the finger with his tounge, Steve's eyes never left Bucky's. Pulling his finger out of Steve's mouth with a wet plop he dipped it deep into his belly button, stirring it a little. Steve buckled up, howling beneath him, stuttering incomprehensible and pulled his legs back even further.

Bucky thrusted deeply into him at the same rhythm, against the special spot again and again, driving his shaft up and down, firmly in his fist, his finger in Steve's navel finding the rhythm, too. Steve fell over the cliff coming violently, twitching and cramping around Bucky's cock and shot off an impressive load across his abdomen, Bucky shoved some of it into his belly button whispering roughly: "Look at me, B-baby, puh-lease ..." "C-come for me, B-bucky ...", he laboriously formed worn-out syllables and when his unsteady gaze focused on Bucky's face, who could see the fading orgasm in Steve's eyes, he broke down on him, shaking violently, coming deep in the love of his life. Steve's legs slid down Bucky's body and his arms embraced his shaking boyfriend.

In the silence a few minutes later there was only the crackling fire and their now-again calm breaths, now and then a pleasant sigh. Then Bucky pulled himself carefully out, rolling down from Steve a little laboured. " _Urgh_ ... “St'cky”," Steve muttered. "I'm getting something for a wash, baby." "N-no, st-stay." "I'm right back, I just want to clean you up a bit,." "'kay ..." Steve sighed fatally, getting another lingering, tender kiss, which he returned only weakly.  
  
Bucky took off the condom in the bathroom throwing it into the trash can, washed himself quickly and filled a small pot with warm water, some shower gel, taking it back to Steve with a small towel. He dipped a corner into the warm water warning Steve, whose eyes were tightly closed, with a low sound. Then he washed him gently but thoroughly, dried him up with the other side of the towel, hurried to put away the bowl crawling back under the warm duvet to Steve, taking him in his arms, and soon they both were fast asleep with a smile on their lips.


	64. "Some kind of jerk's stolen my boots.“

**"Some kind of jerk's stolen my boots.“**

In the morning it was cold in the hut, the fire had burned down and they snuggled up to each other, covered in blankets to the tips of their noses. "Someone has to light a fire ..." Bucky whispered and the thought of walking around naked in this cold room to find his clothes made him shiver. "I'm going, baby." With that, Steve kissed the tip of his nose ("Ugh, that's cold!" - "No shit, Sherlock"), tugging him in thoroughly again when he got up, fished for his pants from the previous day slipping in. Bucky watched him and giggled:

"Oh! Going commando?“ „Until showering, yes.” Steve tampered with the fireplace smiling to himself. Bucky admired the muscles in Steve's back. "Come back to bed." Steve turned and grinned broadly: "It's already after nine. Rise an shine, sleepy hat.“ „It's still too cold. Come here, Stevie.“ His pout was purely calculating and Steve laughed softly. "But only ten minutes, then it 's gonna be comfortably warm." "15." "Eleven and this is my last offer.", Steve looked at the clock over the fireplace with a big gesture. "Promise!" Bucky called quickly. And when Steve came back in bed without his pants, Bucky happily snuggled up to him closing his eyes.

"Hey, eleven minutes are up." "No way ..." Bucky groaned sleepily but knowing what was about to happen, namely the nasty robbery on all the blankets, he sat up blinking at the window. The sight of gently floating, thick snowflakes awakened his spirits. He peeled himself from the blankets padding to the bathroom. There was a radiant heater and the small room was quickly warm enough. While waiting for it, he brushed his teeth and was trying to get the countless knots and tangles out of his hair with clenched teeth.

Steve took a shower while he was blowing his hair. There was a breakfast cafe in the winter village and they wanted to go there. After a delicious breakfast of waffles, coffee and hot chocolate, they went into the snow. They'd borrowed a big toboggan for two and had a lot of fun with it. At lunchtime, they took a carriage to the next town having lunch with German sausages and mashed potatoes. They hiked back on a beautiful path through the winter forest and at dusk they were having mulled wine (alcohol-free) together over a large fire in the middle of the village. Two girls, maybe a year or two older than them, had been eyeing the boys for a while and finally dared to make a move.

"Hi! This is Helen and I am Lillian. We're suspecting you are a couple,” one of them said. "Would you mind?" Bucky looked her in the eye over the rim of his cup. Steve had already opened his mouth and was closing it again, a little confused. "I'm Bucky. And that's Steve.“ „Depends on what you mean by 'mind'." The girl cocked her head. Bucky pursed his lips. "You're looking like smart girls to me. Smart and enlightened.“ „More than enlightened. We're friends with… benefits, if you understand what I mean.“ „I'm very well aware what… _benefits_ are.” Lillian grinned smugly.

"That's what I've thought.“ Helen and Steve were standing next to them like extras. Lillian oviously was as capable of flirting as Bucky, and Steve, who was still staring at him in amazement and confusion, flinched when Helen cleared her throat. "Your cup is empty, mine too. Fancy getting anything else?“ „Yes, g-gladly so.”, he stuttered, he had to tear himself away from the sight, knowing he was looking pretty stupid with a possibly puzzled expression. Standing in line at the punch stand the girl asked with a sigh: "Bisexual?" "Wh-what?“ Steve gasped, assuming the girl meant him, „Yes!“

Her lips twisted a little, then she sighed again. "I know how's that feeling. Frustrating, right?” Steve didn't really know what to say. "Uh ... We, Bucky and I _are_ a couple, by the way," he blurted out. "It's not easy when one is bisexual, but at least you are not just friends with ... _benefits_.", She literally spat out the word. Steve swallowed. "Uh, yes, it is." "What, not easy or better than what I have?" The pain lying dormant behind her aggressiveness was hidden from Steve. "Well, I ... you don't have to wait here with me doing small talk if you're not feeling like it.", He was a little pissed and also hurt, what could he do for this mess and Bucky also had to flirt that aggressively, _Bucky_ of all people!

"I'm sorry," Helen said softly and sadly. "But does she have to do that when we go on a short vacation together? My Christmas present to her after all." _Oh._ Steve was beginning to understand. "But I definitely don't need to tell you about that. You know how it is.” Or he didn't understand anything. The girl surreptitiously wiped a tear from the corner of her eye looking at Steve: "Is my mascara smeared?" "Yes, I'm sorry, but only a little." "Are you staying in line? I go fix that quickly, just a minute.“ „Go on.” When she disappeared into the toilet cabin in the back of the small Christmas market, Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Bucky.

Meanwhile, Bucky was fighting an almost legendary flirting battle with the daredevil girl. _Friends with benefits ..._ pfff. Nothing doing! Pulling his vibrating phone out of his pocket, he looked at the display, stopped and apologized to Lillian with: "I have to accept this, sorry." He went a few steps away leaving the girl ogling at his backside in delight. She probably wouldn't get any further now with that Steve and Helen nearby, but this intriguing man was from New York, like her, and he would give her his number for sure.

"Steve?“ "Are you having fun, jerk?" Bucky laughed to himself. "Jealous, you punk?" "Mission abort. Helen is in love with her and very hurt. What's gotten into you anyway?” Steve was ... _pissed_. Bucky drew his eyebrows frowning. "Nothing has gotten into me. I'm just enjoying myself, giving a kind of lesson for someone who's a little too carefree with people's feelings for my taste.“ „That's a little cheap even for you, _James._ " _James?_ "Cheap? And what's 'even for me' supposed to mean, Steven?”

"I have to hang up, she's coming back from the toilet," he got no answer to his question. And he was angry now too. Putting back his phone and taking a few deep breaths, he suddenly had no interest in his little ( _cheap_ ) game anymore. "Listen, I'm sorry, but the connection is broken. An emergency at home, I have to go somewhere quickly, where I have better reception, can you inform Steve about that?” Lillian pouted briefly, but then made a worried face. "I hope nothing serious." "Not too much, but something I have to decide and I need more information. Just tell Steve, okay?“ „Of course.“ „Thanks and sorry again!“ „No problem. I hope to see you again before you're leaving!“ „Oh I'm sure of that!“ He called over his shoulder when he hurried away.

When Steve and Helen came back to Lillian, they were both amazed to find her alone. "Bucky received a call. An emergency at home, he's had to go for better reception, he said.“, Lillian conscientiously did her job. Helen smiled contentedly while Steve stared at her incredulously. "How many calls has he gotten?" "One?" The girl replied confused. Steve's stomach clenched. He recapitulated what he had said to Bucky and thought of himself somewhat harsh and unfair afterwards. Damn. He pulled out his phone. Perfect reception.

"The reception is very good." "That's a StarkPhone!" Helen cried out, laughing, suddenly in a good mood. Bucky's protective cover hid the fact that his also was a StarkPhone. Steve apologized, taking a few steps away to call Bucky. Mailbox. That was to be expected. A sulking Bucky was a Bucky sulking in earnest... _But not on vacation!_ Steve groaned inwardly. He texted him:

"The reception leaves nothing to be desired, jerk ;) Have you had to flee?" But Bucky didn't answer to that either. And then Steve remembered what Sam had said to him shortly after Halloween.

("I'm happy for you. Obviously you are pretty much in love. But Bucky would be too big a package for me. After all, he's pretty complicated, isn't he?" Steve had called out, laughing: " _Bucky?_ Bucky is _not_ complicated!" Sam had only raised his eyebrows saying nothing more. _Okay_. Bucky _was_ complicated.)

Steve gnawed on his lower lip and was unsure where to look for his boyfriend. The train station? He wouldn't leave, would he? Steve went pale with horror. But no, if, then not without his bags. In the hut? For Steve to find him right away? Unlikely. Unless he was packing ... Steve swallowed, hastily apologized to the two girls wishing them a nice evening. Then he hurried to get to their hut.

Bucky slouched cross-legged on the sofa in the dark, in his down jacket, with a blanket on his legs, and was even wearing his hat, scarf, and gloves. Only his boots were drying on the rags by the door. Steve took in the strange picture in its entirety when he turned on the light. "Bucky! Why are you sitting here in the dark, with all your outdoor clothes on?“ „The fire has burned down." Bucky returned with a dignified raised chin. "Why haven't you added some logs?" "Why? Should I have assumed it will take you some time to come? Should assume Miss Benefits extends her tempting offer to you? Since you're so chivalrously concerned about the chick who usually gets those benefits.” Steve opened his mouth.

"Why are you so unfair? You've flirted like your life would depend on it there, not me.“ „Oh yes. Cheap as I am.“ „Bucky ... I haven't said _you_ are cheap, but what you do is so. That's a difference.“ "Thanks for the lecture, sir.“ „Ha ha, funny“ „I know I'm a true joker.“ „Right now you're more of a real ass.“ „Oh, thank you.“ Steve went to the fireplace to put on the fire again, taking off his jacket and scarf, having left his boots at the entrance.

Aftre he turned to Bucky examining him. He was startled. Bucky had cried! "What's going on?" "Nothing." "Bullshit, you're talking to me. What's wrong with you? Why in God's name would you hit on this girl?” Bucky looked down. He looked at his gloved hands saying softly: "I haven't wanted her to hit on _you_ and I haven't had to worry about Helen, she's definitely as gay as me." „You _prophylactically_ snatched a girl from me? Why...?"

"Lillian is exactly your type. A bit like Melissa, but more educated and ...“ „What's that, Bucky? I am with you. We are in a wooden hut, on the most romantic short trip I can imagine and you think I would ... I can't believe it!“ „She would have given you her number and you know what I've realized today?“ Steve shook his head. "There are only five months left in high school." "Shit! That's news!” Steve huffed out with a laugh. "You've only known now?" His boyfriend's hurt expression closed his mouth and his laugh died away.

He quickly ran to him getting on his knees in front of him. "Baby, why is that bothering you all of a sudden?" "Only five more months, Stevie ..." Bucky whispered while Steve took off his gloves stroking his hands, massaging gently. “Before Christmas it's felt like it was going to be a long time and now, after Christmas, time is running out on me. My life is so much better at the moment than it's been like _ever_. It's perfect! I don't want anything to change!“ „After high school, we're certainly gonna live a different life, yes. But still a wonderful one, definitely! You and me together!“ Bucky looked at him in silence for a long time. Steve saw him swallowing hard and a muscle in his jaw twitched. "Don't you think so, Bucky?" He asked in low voice and a little unsettled suddenly.

"My interim grades report is a disaster," his boyfriend whispered, his chin dropping to his chest. Steve froze. Bucky hadn't wanted to talk about it when they got their grades sheets. "What do you mean by 'disaster'?" He asked gently. Bucky finally took off his jacket, hat, and scarf, taking his phone out of his pocket, browsing the picture folder for the scans he'd sent to his grandmother. He handed the phone to Steve. He read it through carefully finding nothing unsettling about it.

"It's not worse than mine to be honest!" "Look at the exam results." Steve wiped to the next picture. _Oh._ The maths exam had struck Bucky, he had only gotten a C. An A in computer science and an A in Drama and Media. Steve wiped back, reading the notes. They were all benevolent and positive. "You have ACTFL certificates in Spanish and Russian! That's fantastic!“ „Look at the maths grades, Steve! I don't even get a scholarship in Alaska with those!“ „Alaska?” Steve blinked. "Just as an example. But certainly not in New York.” He looked gloomy. "I can't imagine being separated from you most time of the year."

Steve was staring at him now, "What do you mean 'separated most time of the year'?" "I have to go to the army getting a degree in engineering. But I'm not going to West Point, not in a lifetime!“ „B-but Bucky ... you don't have to go to the army! You're staying with me in New York!” Bucky was staring at Steve. "Are you starting about social work again? I don't want to be doing that! I can't do that!“ „I haven't wanted to. But why not, just for the sake of interest.” Bucky sighed. "I'm gay. I cannot work with children and teenagers. I don't want my entire working life being observed with suspicion.“ „That would be discrimination and that's illegal.“ „Oh Stevie ... You think that does matter to some parents?“ „But that's also irrelevant. You don't want to do that anyway. "

“My only chance without a scholarship is the army. Let's face the facts, Steve. And that means we have to get prepared for a long-distance relationship. The thought of it's almost killing me!” Steve shook his head. "And what does that have to do with your weird flirting from earlier?" "Isn't that obvious?" "I wouldn't ask if so." "What can happen when we're not seeing each other for months makes me worrying enough without too many phone numbers of pretty girls in New York on your phone.” The heavy silence following expanded. Steve's eyebrows produced not one but two steep lines. Code red.

"Bucky ... I ... why do you think I ... don't you trust me?" Steve asked in a very hurt voice. Bucky sighed burying his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes wearily. "But I do trust you. Here and now I trust you. I'm with you and can make you happy. When I'm not, then maybe I don't want you to ... I can't explain it well.“ „Try it!“ „Forcing someone to have a long-distance relationship is pretty stressful, I think. You are young, do you only want to have sex every few months in your twenties?“ „You are only one year older and this is mutual. I am with you. I love you! We can do it, we both can do it!” Steve cried out passionately. "I hope so and I definitely want to try. It's just depressed me today, that's all."

Steve smiled and took Bucky's hands: "But it doesn't have to, baby. My college fund is enough for both of us. You don't have to be in the army and we don't have to be separated from each other.“ Now he literally beamed. Bucky pulled his hands out of Steve's grasp frowning at him. "What are you talking about?" He asked coldly. Steve was startled and blinked a few times. "I have a college fund and it is quite extensive. We can both live and get our degrees in New York. I know you haven't been able to accept that when we were just friends. But now that we're a couple, things are different!” Steve had spoken faster and faster because Bucky started shaking his head after just a few words.

"No," that sounded very firm and final. "Bucky!" Steve grabbed his shoulders, looked him at the face, his blue eyes wide open in disbelief. "It's not the least bit different now that we're a couple. On the contrary, it is even worse,” his boyfriend replied. Now Steve shook his head in panic. "B-but why?" "Seriously, Steve? You're paying for my tuition and my rent and my food and I'm sleeping with you for it?“ Steve flinched as if he had been hit. "As you say that, it sounds damn ugly. And you know, it would not be like that, it is not like that!“ „It is exactly like that” Bucky said, not tolerating a contradiction.

"Then I'm borrowing you the money! You can pay me back to the last penny!” Bucky howled in frustration: “I can't get myself into debt. I can't, Steven!” Steve released him sitting back on his heels. "I can't change your mind." That was a statement and Steve's chin pushed out foreshadowing the upcoming disaster. "Steve ..." "Then I know what to do." "S-stevie?" "I'm going to the army with you and you can't change my mind." The sight of blank horror on Bucky's face was nearly driving him to tears, but his decision was made.

"No, Steve ... _No!_ I don't want you to do this! Columbia's always been your dream!“ „Now _you_ are my dream. I would be happy to give up any other one for you.“ „You can't do that!” Bucky cried a bit shrill, close to tears. "I can and I will." Now Bucky's tears of despair were running from his eyes. "You're such a goddamn stubborn punk! Steven, I can't let that happen!“ „Then you have to break up with me after high school.” Bucky stared at him. "But," Steve continued, "I'm going be so nice to you for the next five months making you so happy you can't do that and in the end you're going to want the same I am." Steve's determination and self-confidence made Bucky speechless for a moment.

"I have to get out of here," he then murmured. "What? Bucky, no!” He was already at the door putting on his boots, jacket and scarf tucked under his arm. "And you're not following me, Steven Stark, do you listen?", He put on his jacket and scarf, opened the door and when he went out he got an idea: "And I'm taking your boots with me. You do stay here.” No sooner said than done. Now Steve was speechless, staring at the door through which his boyfriend had disappeared with his boots. _Okay, okay, Sam. Bucky_ is _complicated ..._ he thought.

He was wandering around a little tear-blinded in the now quieter hut village with a pair of boots in his hand. He felt like an idiot and the hand he had the boots in grew cold, he changed to put it in his jacket pocket. His gloves were on the sofa in the hut. What should he do? Steve would hate him someday, as sure as the eggs is eggs. That would kill him! And Steve's parents! They would hate him for that too. Steve's parents ... maybe they would forbid him doing that, yes, they would definitely! Although, sure? Probably not, because in summer after high school Steve finally turned 18 ...

What a mess! Break up after high school? Hope that after college graduation they would find each other again because they belonged together - and they did! Or not? _We're not yet 20 ... If you break up with him, you'll never see him again ... oh my god ..._ Bucky sat down in a bus stop, frustrated, putting Steve's boots next to him. He pulled his legs up, wrapped his arms around them, pulling the sweater sleeves over his freezing hands, putting his head on his knees. What should he do? WHAT?

Bucky hadn't known for how long he had been sitting there when a familiar voice startled him. "I don't think there is a bus anymore today." Steve! Bucky immediately looked at his feet. They were apparently in several socks and a pair of embroidered old-fashioned felt slippers and everything looked very wet. "Stevie, have you gone mad?" "Some kind of jerk's stolen my boots, but I've had to get out because I've missed something desperately needed." Bucky opened his mouth and reached beside him, handing Steve his boots. He sat down on the bench next to Bucky, took a dry pair of socks from his jacket pocket and pulled the slippers and wet socks off his feet, slipped on the dry ones and put on his boots.

" _Wow_. If I don't have a dry pair of socks tomorrow, you're gonna die, you punk," Bucky growled. He had recognized at least one of his pairs, black ones with a candy canes pattern. Steve balled all the wet socks together and stuffed them into his jacket pocket with them slippers. "We're hanging them over the fireplace, after all it's still Christmas season." Bucky was silent, embarrassed. "Please come with me," Steve said simply.

Bucky sighed rising awkwardly. He was rather stiff from the cold, after all he had been sitting for a while without moving. Steve also got up spreading his arms halfheartedly. He looked at Bucky with puppy eyes and a shy smile playing around his lips. He literally threw himself into his boyfriend's arms. "Bring me back. But we have to talk,” he whispered in his ear. "Okay, baby, anything you want." Steve's purr sent shivers down Bucky's spine.

In the hut, Bucky insisted Steve'd warm up his frozen feet in a foot bath. Steve laughed away his concern and let Bucky feel how warm his feet were after all. It was rather Bucky who was still shaking a bit because he was so chilled. Steve packed him on the couch, wrapping two blankets around him, made him warm punch, putting more wood in the fireplace. Bucky took a deep breath when Steve finally sat next to him and raised:

"Steve ... that's crazy. You don't have to go to the army and I don't want this for you.“ „I don't want this for you either! What would you do if it was the other way around? If I couldn't afford being in New York for college as I wish and you would have the opportunity to be with me, against all circumstances?” That was unfair. But now, everything was allowed in love - and in war ...

"I don't want you to be in danger." "I've understood you don't want me to pay for your college education. I really understand that now, respect it and I'm sorry I've suggested it. I don't want to offend you. But I can't be separated from you. And if that's the only option we have, I'm doing it. I'm going to the army with you. But not to West Point.” Steve grinned wryly. Bucky giggled slightly broken. What should he do? What _could_ he do? In any case, he still had five months to fix it. Five long - or fast-paced - months! He sighed and decided to postpone the problem until after vacation.

"When could I ever have dissuaded you from doing something firmly rooted in your stubborn head, Steven Stark?" "Before I've gone out in those hideous slippers to find my favorite jerk, I've stuck yesterday's champagne back in the snow. Let's be a bit frivolous.“, He wiggled his eyebrows. Bucky laughed: "Frivolous?" "Sexy?" "Indecent?" "Definitely!" Steve got up, got the bottle from outside and the Walmart juice glasses. He poured and they clinked glasses. Bucky drained the glass in one go. He was so exhausted, emotionally. Steve immediately replenished it.

His arm was behind Bucky on the back of the sofa playing with Bucky's hair, scratching his neck. Bucky leaned against the touch grunting comfortably while empying his second glass only slightly slower. Bucky's hand was on Steve's thigh, drawing small circles and squiggles. Steve leaned over and kissed Bucky, fought for dominance and won. His upper body was covering his smaller boyfriend's, one of his large hands in the back of his neck, massaging his scalp with blunt fingernails, pulling a little on his soft strands. Bucky groaned into Steve's mouth, jerked up greedily pushing against him.

"Empty your drink, baby ...", Steve's voice was rough. Bucky quickly gulped down the rest in his glass and Steve took it from him. Then he took off his sweater and T-shrit underneath in one go. "What's going to happen, Stevie?" Bucky giggled, very light in the head. "I'm seducing you." "Ooohhh ..." And suddenly Steve was everywhere, covering his chest, neck, shoulders and belly with kisses and caresses, pinching and biting his nipples, then licking hard over them. Bucky's body tried to follow every touch of Steve's lips, his back arced in a elegant bow.

He fiddled with Bucky's button gettingt it open, pulled the zipper down, patted him against his hips to raise his ass. When he obeyed, Steve pulled jeans and boxers down in one rough go sinking to the floor in front of the couch, dragging the remaining textiles from Bucky's body. Then he grabbed his waist with both hands maneuvering him to the mattress. "Woah, Stevie, you're serious about seduction." "You can bet on it." Steve growled, quickly taking off his clothes, throwing himself in all his length onto his boyfriend, making him breath out a choked „Uff. You're heavy!" Bucky's voice was shaking. Steve was so ... dominant. He'd never known him like that ...

Steve conquered Bucky's mouth so domineering his head was spinning. When he broke away from him - both rubbing their hard cocks at each other's ecstatically - he looked Bucky hard in the eye. "You're not breaking up with me, never." With these words, Steve brought his hand into Bucky's field of vision, obscenely spitting a large amount of saliva onto his fingers before getting his hand between Bucky's buttocks. He stiffened briefly but fell back with a groan at Steve pushing against his opening. A fingertip entered him.

"Let me do that to you, Bucky," Steve whispered, his voice dark with desire. He gasped, only thinking _Stevestevesteve_ and _fuckmefuckmefuckme_... "Yeah...do it" he sighed. And Steve got serious. He was a bit rough, he was clumsy, he was too hasty with only taking spit and it hurt badly when he finally got in, at least he was wearing a lube-coated rubber ... It still hurt ... But Bucky was so enchanted by Steve's determination and passion, he could stand it and when Steve hit Bucky's prostate by accident with his uncontrolled bumps, he cried out in ecstasy.

"Ste-hevie ...! Again, please, please." And Steve went out of his way ... Bucky was tense and cramped, but he couldn't stop, couldn't help but take him, fuck him, own him ... He pushed hard and harder into his boyfriend. Bucky coughed, gasping for air and finally hit Steve helplessly on the head, but not that hard. "Hey, punk! Try to not be killing me, slow down a bit” Steve paused, startled. Bucky gasped for breath and then breathed out: "It's awesome ... honestly, but, please, Stevie, please, the angle is wrong, may I?" He put his hands, which so far have been clutching Steve's shoulders like a lifeline, on Steve's hips. Steve nodded kissing the tip of Bucky's nose. Bucky adjusted his and Steve's hips.

"Now go slow, you punk, will you?" Steve nodded a little guiltily, slowly and carefully pushing himself deeper into Bucky again. And yes, there he was again against the sweet sweet spot! "Yeah! Stevie, yes, there. Please there!” Steve, knowing how awesome and wonderful that felt, only made tiny movements in Bucky to keep pushing himself against the small bundle of sensitive nerves. Bucky no longer felt any discomfort, let alone pain. He groaned and gasped and called Steve's name tossing his head back and forth.

And after a some while Bucky came without Steve touching his dick. Clenching, pulsing and twitching around his cock, Steve was sent over the edge only a few seconds later. He collapsed over Bucky shooting spurt after spurt into the condom, buried deep in his boyfriend's heat, kissing Bucky's shoulder with his mouth wide open. He gasped and groaned his whole body shaking...

Both of them were lying very still, closely wrapped around each other. Bucky's legs around Steve's waist with Steve's hands on Bucky's chest and around the back of his head. "I love you." "You are wonderful." That came out at the same time. They both sighed, laughing a little. Steve wanted to pull out, but Bucky held on to him. "No, stay with me!" "Okay ... All my life when you want." "Yes, I want that." Bucky chuckled. "Me too." "Good." After a few minutes, Bucky stirred a little. "Urgh, it's sticky." "As always," laughed Steve. "Dirty, this sex stuff, isn't it?" Steve laughed again: "Yes, awesome, isn't it?" "Absolutely awesome!" Bucky hugged Steve even more tightly. "I love you." "I love you too."

"One of us has to get a washcloth." "Yes, I'm afraid so." „This time it's your job." Steve snorted with a laugh "Okay. This one time.” Holding the condom at the base, he pulled his now soft penis out of Bucky, standing up. His boyfriend sank back on the pillows sighing heavily. "Looking good, you walking around the room naked." "Jerk!" Steve rolled his eyes, getting a soaped washcloth from the bathroom where he also got rid of the condom. They cleaned up before snuggling close together.

"I always only want to be with you, I love you!" "I'd do everything for you." "Me too, everything!" "Always be with me!" "Always, baby." "Promise?" "'til the end of the line." They whispered sleepily to each other. And then they actually managed to nestle even closer together falling asleep.

After another couple of hours in the snow the next day, they regrettably said goodbye to 'their' hut knowing exactly how to spend New Year's Eve. Alone together, just the two of them. Steve would offer his parents to babysit Peter so they could go out and he and Bucky would be playing with the boy, put him to bed and then end the old year in bed to be starting the new one also in bed. That was the plan. Tony and Pepper were happy to accept the offer and would order something special for New Year's lunch with Peter, Steve and Bucky. Thor and Loki were over at Nebula's and Gamora's for New Year's Eve and were only expected again late. The group around Thor wanted to go hiking.


	65. Wild plans for the future

**Wild plans for the future**

On New Year's Day, Steve caught his father on the way to the workshop: "Dad, I ... can we talk? In private? "

Tony went to the workshop with him. "So, what is it, Steve?" Steve didn't waste time:

"Dad, I'm not going to Columbia." _What?_ It took Tony a moment to rally. "When you've got another university in mind, it's a shame because you won't be near us anymore, but well, let me hear!" "I'm going to the army!" WHAT?

"Steve!" Tony called in horror. His son's determined look drove beads of sweat onto his forehead. Tony had a déja vu.

(1990)

Tony has worked in his father's company since graduating from MIT. He had to start, of course, pretty far down. Howard Stark thought that was educationally valuable. So he sifted through gnarly boring old balance sheet reports and re-sorted them. Oh, a call! Finally some distraction.

Rhodey was on the phone. "Platypus! How was your interview?“ „They've offered me a job in accounting.” was the dry answer. Tony swallowed. His friend had been the best rocket scientist of his year at MIT and had been applying for jobs that matched his qualification for months. Without success. Tony had of course insisted on getting him a job at Stark Industries, but James Rhodes hadn't wanted to hear about it.

"Tony! I can not do that! I've worked hard and don't want to be given anything as a present!“ Rhodey had told him many times.

"I give up, I'm going to the army." Tony clutched the phone. "Rhodey, no!" "What else could I do? I'm black, I'm gay, where else can I have a career ... and don't you say 'at Stark Industries'! We have discussed this many times.” Tony sniffed. "Are you at home?" "Why are you asking?" "Are you?" "Yes, dude! I'm sitting around here having no job.“ „I'm coming.“ „Tony ...“ „Not taking a no! Don't do anything until I'm with you.“ „Ever the dramatic,“ Rhodey laughed. "Rhodey, please ..." Tony stopped talking, but his tone was the one always getting straight to James Rhodes' heart. Then he just had to give in to 'his little one'. "Can you just get out of there?" "Pff, Dad can fire me, if he so pleases. Who else's supposed to take care of his 'everything', his _baby_ , of SI one day?"

Tony immediately went downstairs to the garage getting into his car, of course, just an old rickety Ford. Howard Stark would never simply give his son a car that he hasn't earned with his own hands work. Tony had bought the car himself from the small salary his father was paying him. He could make it in less than three hours.

"Dude! How many speed tickets have you gotten?” Rhodey called as he hugged the younger man at the door. "You must have been racing!" "Honey bear! It's good to see you!” Tony was reluctant to escape the bear hug. "It was too long again ..." "Come on, I have lasagna." "From your nonna?" Tony asked eagerly. "Well, it's her recipe, but I got it right, I think." At dinner, they told each other what they had been through lately. Tony bitterly complained about the boring job his father had given him, and Rhodey told his best friend about a man he was seeing more often.

"But it's not quite the right thing, I think. Jake is so ... jealous.” Tony frowned. There couldn't have been a more loyal person than James Rhodes on God's green earth, what was the problem with the guy? Rhodey laughed: "You don't have to look like that! I haven't really lost my heart, let's see where it's going. What's going on with you?“ Tony played with his fork. "What? Spit it out!” His friend looked at him a bit tortured.

"I am the son and heir to the boss. What do you think? Everyone is so nice to me and everyone would immediately hit the sack with me, but ... “, Tony swallowed. "... I'm still this thin, shy little nerd who's never had sex in college! In college, after all!“ Rhodey grinned: „At MIT you've been a free ticket to jail, for having sex with a minor, wonder boy." The look with which Rhodey said that was so loving and warm Tony could only reply:

"Rhodey, what's that with the army, seriously!" _And now it's starting,_ the older one thought. Rhodey took a deep breath. "Tony ... what am I supposed to do? I am black. I'm gay. I'm not getting married in a couple of years, with children, a house in the suburbs. And unfortunately that is exactly the lifestyle expected of a successful American. There are lots of unmarried men in the army with nobody questioning that.” Tony looked at him sympathetically. "You're gay! You're not going to have it easy in the army.“ „Nobody needs to know.“ „A life in secret? Full of acting and lies? Rhodey!” His friend just shrugged. They went on with dinner in silence.

"There is a vacant position in SI's science department," Tony said casually. "Coincidentally, Tony?" The older man glared at him. Tony put down his cutlery running both hands over his face. "Why would it be so different from what I'm doing?" Tony leaned forward. “I'm inheriting Stark Industries one day, but that doesn't mean I don't have to earn it. And if you're working at ours, nobody's gonna give you anything for free, least of all my father.” Rhodey had pressed his lips together. "Why are you just so damn stubborn? Why?” The younger boy called desperately. " _Tony!_ " His friend was getting loud. "It's just not the way I can or want to go. I am sorry."

"So you've made your final decision ..." Tony said quietly. The other one just nodded and looked at Tony firmly. He sighed: "I swear to you, if you let yourself be shot I'll kill you!" Rhodey laughed. "Do you see! And since I'm so afraid of you, I better take care and don't get myself shot.” Tony laughed halfheartedly. Then he got serious again: "You better promise me that." His best friend looked at Tony with a small smile: "I promise."

(today)

Tony found his way back to the present, gathering himself, leaning back in his chair.

"I don't allow that," he said firmly. "Dad!" Steve called outraged. The small angry line appeared between his eyebrows in an instant. “I'm 18 by summer and I'm finishing high school. And then I have to ...

"Come off it, sport!" his father interrupted. "Where's that coming from suddenly? I know you love your country, but you've never been interested in the military.“ "You don't understand, Dad." "Oh, that again? You're feeling misunderstood? Then enlighten me. Explain to me. After all, I'm not entirely unintelligent. Maybe I understand.” Tony's voice was calm and controlled, but his eyes were no less angry than Steve's. He stuck out his striking chin. “I can serve my country better in the army than in Congress or in a classroom. Countless men before me have done great things there and I just feel I want to be one of them.“ Tony thought for a moment:

"Is this about Bucky?" Steve clenched his fists turning deep red. "Dad!" "You're a bad liar, Steve. Tell me what this is really about and spare me from the patriotic nonsense.“ „This is not nonsense! It's the truth! I now know what's right and you can't stop me.“ „You think so?” Tony answered coldly. "What? Do you want to lock me up? What could you even do about ... "

" _Steve!_ ", The warning in Tony's voice was unmistakable. He now was just a little step away from true anger. Steve fell silent. He was angry himself, but also a little guilty. His father had every right to know why he had changed his future plans so radically after all. He chewed a little on his lower lip.

"Sorry, dad ..." he murmured contrite carefully studying his own hands in his lap. Steve never looked his father in the eye when he apologized to him, which was rare anyways. He sighed inaudibly. "Steve ..." Tony said, calmly and friendly again. "Don't you want to tell me what the reason behind this is?" Steve looked up. The look in his eyes still reminded his father of the child he used to be...

"Why are you so against it?" his son asked quietly.

Tony took a deep breath, got up pacing restlessly. "Steve ... boy, listen to me. Your uncle Jim (that's what the three older boys have been calling Rhodey since childhood, Peter called him 'Uncle Platyputh') has done 137 flight missions in the past 30 years, and he's known after each he has been just fucking lucky. Every single time.” Tony couldn't stop the trembling in his voice. Steve looked at him spellbound. His father was so unusually serious. With his back to his son he went on, softer.

"Steve ... I've held you in my arms on the day of your birth so many years ago, you've been so tiny. And I've sworn to myself I would always protect you, I would never allow you to be hurt by anything.” Steve swallowed. He wanted to say anything so much, but he wasn't the sentimental one, just not able to find the words.

"I've managed for over 17 years, nothing's happened to you and now ...", Tony's voice broke. He couldn't go on talking. "Dad!" his son breathed, standing up. He put his hand on Tony's shoulder and pulled back right again, startled. His dad was shaking! "I guess I can't change your mind," Tony exclaimed after gathering and turning back to Steve. Steve was hurt by the traces of tears in the corner of his father's eye. But he nodded. "I'm sorry, Dad," he murmured softly. His father smiled wryly squeezing his shoulder.

"When are you going to tell your mother?" The upcoming fear in Steve's eyes prevented Tony from making a funny remark. "I ... can you tell mom?" Steve looked down. "... please." He looked so miserable. Tony laughed softly. "I can't think of a twist in which it's not my fault again in the end.", The humor in his voice visibly relaxed his son.

"Thanks, Dad." He held out his hand to Tony. "What's that about?" He grinned, pulling his big boy into his arms. Steve returned the hug a little stiffly and when he broke free he couldn't look his dad in the eye. "I ..." "Dismissed, soldier," Tony joked. He urgently needed to be alone now. His composure was barely there anymore. Relieved, Steve left the workshop. Exhausted, his father dropped into the armchair putting his head in his hands.

"Hey, where have you been? Where's your father?” Pepper fell silent looking into her son's face. Peter, fidgeting in her arms, happily cried: “Thteve! Me and Daddy and Mommy playing knights“ The little one held out a small wooden sword in his hand waving it enthusiastically. "Steve, you are pale and looking serious. What's happened?” His mother's observing gaze almost made him shrink physically. "Dad's in the workshop, mom." Pepper pushed Peter into Steve's arms giving him her wooden sword.

"Please go to the living room, I'm there in a few minutes.", She turned towards the workshop. Steve was uncomfortable with it, he didn't think his mother would come back so quickly and Bucky would be back in about half an hour. But he complied. Bucky finally loved Peter. They would have fun with the little one ...

Tony jumped when his wife stuck her head through the door and called: "Tony! Have you forgotten about ending the crusades with Peter ...?“ _Uh-oh._ Her husband looked terrible! She quickly closed the workshop door hurrying to him.

"Have you had a fight with Steve?" Tony wrapped his arms around her waist leaning against her. "Pep ...", he had to get this over with, he didn't want to go through this alone for a second any longer. "Steve is determined to join the army." Pepper stiffened looking at him. "Have you lost your mind? Steve doesn't want to go to ...” Something in Tony's eyes silenced her in the middle of the sentence. "Oh, my god, Tony!" She sank onto his lap.

"Yes, I know ... Isn't that horrible?" "But ... I don't understand. Why's he suddenly coming up with the idea?“ „He obviously hasn't wanted to tell me," „Why haven't you talked him out of it? Why? You have to forbid him, Tony!” She exclaimed excitedly. The little sob coming from her throat almost broke Tony's dams again, but he pulled himself together.

"Honey, when could've we ever been able to talk Steve out of what he's having in mind?" She smiled sadly. He was right and she hated it. "And if you forbid him?" "Pep ..." "Yes, I know. Idiotic idea. We can't and he'd hate us just for trying.” Tony kissed Pepper comfortingly on the forehead holding her tight. "We have to do something, Tony," she whispered. He sighed.

"I don't think we have that in hand. Maybe someone else.“ „Jim could talk to him, couldn't he? That's a good idea!" Pepper looked a little more hopeful again, "I'm calling him later.“ „I've talked about Bucky.“ „Bucky? Do you think this is about Bucky?” Tony smiled sadly. "It can only be about Bucky if you ask me." „You wanna tell me, Steve who's still half a child, is about to throw away his future for a boy he has barely been with for two months?”

"With whom he has already completed an astonishingly extensive program. A ball, Christmas, short vacation. And lots of sex, I suppose...” Tony grinned. "Don't be joking now." "Sorry." Pepper played with Tony's hair smoothing his collar with the other hand. Tony already knew what was coming. "Can you talk to Bucky?" "Why am I surrounded by cowards? One of whom wants to defend our great country against every enemy and the other putting the fear of God into Wall Street.” he teased his wife. She pecked him on the nose.

"We're only cowards to you because you are a hero. Please, darling.“, She looked at him with wide eyes. "You're a terrible person, Miss Potts." "And I'm so lucky to have found such a tolerant husband." "Stop flattering me now. Off to the living room. Pete wants to fight for the Holy Land, lies within the family, I guess...“ „Yes, sir.” Tony soon found out Bucky wasn't too enthusiastic about the idea and decided to wait. There were still months until summer.

*

Steve was relieved when his parents took Peter from him and didn't say a word about the matter. Bucky had gone home to dress up a little better for the New Year lunch with Steve's parents and when he opened the door, Bucky looked stunning in a plain gray turtleneck with black pants and ankle boots so Steve dragged him into his room after a somewhat chaste hello kiss. "You're gorgeous!" Steve was wearing khakis and a checked shirt, a look Bucky associated with him and simply loved!

"You are not bad either. Happy New Year again, Stevie.” They had been making love all night with Peter's baby monitor on the bedside table, but Peter had slept well through the night. They were cuddling a bit on the couch, but since they were expected to have lunch in 20 minutes, they kept it under control. There was turkey curry from an expensive Indian restaurant which was delicious.

"Wonderful, Mrs. Stark!" Bucky called and Tony laughed a bit meanly: "Maybe we should have cooked ourselves, right, Steve? So you can get used to bad food, Junior. Rhodey always says only in pig breeding food is worse than in the army, and he only guessed so, it's not even safe. ”

_Klonk_ Bucky had dropped the fork out of his hand and it clattered onto his plate. He stared at Tony, briefly glancing sideways at Steve. He looked pretty guilty. Bucky swallowed, apologized quietly, and went on eating. Peter was looking from one to the other in confusion. The boy had a sense of mood. Then he had an idea: "I am a knight!", He was still wearing his costume and took out his wooden sword from under the chair. Bucky smiled at him saying, "You're sure to be a brave servant to Her Majesty, Queen Pepper." Peter frowned. "Knight, Buggi, no servant!" Everyone laughed and the embarrassing moment was overcome for now.

After dinner, Bucky and Steve offered to clear the table while Tony and Pepper wanted to go to town with Peter for ice skating. Bucky put the plates and cutlery together, while Steve packed the remains of the delicious meal into containers in the kitchen. "Hoping, Peter is better in ice skating than you or me," he said with a laugh when he returned to the dining room. Since Bucky didn't respond, he looked at him closely. "Bucky?" He put down the stack of plates with measured movements, his shoulders looked tense.

"You don't really want to do that, Steve." He looked at him seriously. "What do you mean?" Steve tried to save time. "Baby ..." Bucky sighed. "... you know exactly what I mean." Steve's expression grew serious. "I want to be with you! I thought you've wanted the same!” He cried out passionately. "Of course I want that too, but ... God, Steve! This is ... ", Bucky desperately dropped onto a chair.

"What is it, Bucky? _Madness_? You call it madness, I'm calling it love. I finally know what I've always wanted, what I've always lacked. Don't you know what that means for me? I can't be separated from you now, never again!” He burst out wildly and Bucky got very warm ... _Oh, Stevie_ ... He had come closer standing right in front of Bucky. He pulled him onto his lap without a word, one leg on each side.

"Stevie ... that's too important. You can't decide this as slapdash as choosing on a burger at Wendy's.“ The younger one clasped his hands behind Bucky's neck pressing his forehead against his. "Turns out I can, Bucky," he whispered against his lips, "I never want to be separated from you again. Never again.” Bucky sighed pressing his lips to his mouth. Steve kissed him with so much passion and heat making Bucky wriggling uneasily under him. Steve pulled back a little, breathing heavily. "Bucky, I ... you ..." his voice trembled.

"Yes baby. If you don't get off my cock, no one will clean up the plates and the worst: your parents are going to know exactly why not.” Steve jumped up in an instant with red cheeks and Bucky got up, straightening his pants before he snatched the stack of plates. He knew there was no point in talking now. Steve was so determined. But Bucky also knew he still had months to fix it. Months when he was supposed to learn again how little one could talk Steve out of something he really had made up his mind about.

School started again, and all senior students went to career guidance in January. This task was shared between Dr Strange and Mr Phillips. Bucky had an appointment with the headmaster ( _yay!_ His little weakness for this man was obviously permanent).

"Please sit down, James." "Thank you, sir." He settled on the edge of the visitor's chair. "So. What specific plans do you have now after your graduation?“ „I'm signing up with the US Army to earn my license for a military based tuition-free college, Doctor Strange." Bucky replied in one go, as if memorized. The headmaster looked at him in silence for a few seconds.

"I understand ... Well, getting a scholarship for a masters in engineering is exceptionally demanding. Too bad your math notes slipped a little latest.“ „I know, sir. I'm so sorry. But my family has been planning this for me for years anyway, so...” Bucky's voice died off. "Is this what you want to do?" The question caught Bucky unprepared and he clenched his hands in his lap. "I-I have no choice, sir!" "So it's not." Bucky hung his head a bit.

"I've thought now that you and Steven Stark ... But no, of course that's absurd." Bucky looked up again, confused and questioning. "This is not your ... style, I suppose. Let's say mixing love and career.” That was exceptionally elegantly put for 'screwing for tuition fees', Bucky thought, blushing a little. He was looking straight into Doctor Strange's face. "No, Doctor Strange, not my style. Exactly.” The headmaster gave him a small smile which made Bucky's stomach flutter a little.

"I'm wishing all the best for you on your path and I am convinced you will master it, not without setbacks or struggles, but we all have felt the same at some point in our lives. I am glad this excellent school releases people like you into a future. People who tackle them with courage and confidence. You will make our institution proud, James ... _Bucky_.“ With that the distinguished man smiled a little wider. Bucky's stomach did a double somersault.

"Th-thank you, sir. Thank you very much, really. I've always loved this school and I am grateful that I've been educated here. And since you've been here, everything is even better!” Bucky was startled by his enthusiastic tone, turning bright red. He fell silent. Dr Strange, of course, ignored it. "We're done here, Bucky, all the best for your future." Bucky stammered another clumsy thank you and was dismissed.


	66. Valentine's Day

**Valentine's Day**

Steve had been thinking about how to surprise Bucky for Valentine's Day since Christmas. He found again he actually knew everything and nothing about his boyfriend. Regarding love matters, those unfortunately belonged to the latter. Bucky had always been very secret about what he'd been calling as his non-existent love life. Of course that wasn't true. Last year, he had been having a very serious relationship with _this city planner_ on Valentine's Day. Regardless of how happy this relationship was or not, it had existed on Valentine's Day.

As far as he knew, Bucky's attitude around this special day, which divided the minds of the world, was neutral, neither enthusiastic nor repulsive. This was reflected in the preparations he made with his Event Planning class to make it special for everyone at Sanctuary who loved this day. Countless volunteers were asked to make paper roses and other decorations from files that had become out of date, and there was a photo competition on the subject of 'love'. Middleschoolers dressed in gold foil wings as cupidos, perfectly equipped with small bows and quivers, were to, as Bucky told his boyfriend, convey messages in order of a donation. You could send helium filled heart balloons, as well as the usual roses and lollipops and there was - of course - a photo opportunity station, some pavilion decorated with flowers and hearts.

Dennis had suggested a kissing booth with the still popular winter ball king, but Bucky had only waved it away. Steve had been relieved. All in all, Bucky was excited, but he was with every event his class planned and organized. On the other hand, there was evidence that this consumption-intensive day was not only in his good books.

For example, his suggestion to give all donations to the largest women's shelter in New York City, which - in his words - is the end of the flag for some romantic relationship. That had been unanimously rejected in the class - far too cynical. The donations would now go to the New York fire department. But Bucky was also very much for that – _Maybe they're giving me a nice calendar!_ he laughed. Steve was kept in the dark.

He had been with Sharon last year and they had taken a boat trip. After he had taken her to an archery hall where he had booked a World Cup goal for an hour. Sharon loved it, but it wasn't a very romantic date. Back then Bucky had only said something like 'Sounds good, it's her thing, right?' But at that time they weren't very close ... He approached Dennis from Bucky's class end of January asking him how the preparations were going. Dennis looked at him strangely.

"You're finding out firsthand, I've thought!" Steve looked a bit embarrassed. "Well, I've wanted to know if Bucky was having fun preparing. Whether he ... let's say is determined to his heart." Steve wasn't good at that. Dennis snorted: "Does that mean you don't know if your sweetie cares about the most important holiday for lovers in the world?" Steve frowned, but then said a little tortured: "I can hardly ask him, when I want to surprise him, right? "

"That's a good argument. I can tell you so much that he's not disgusted, his inappropriate cynicism has not blossomed again after the women's shelter incident and he has rejected my brilliant idea with the kiss-me-booth, sorry for that, but the idea was top class!“ Steve wasn't thinking so at all. "Maybe he hasn't wanted to spoil you this day by having to observe your sweetheart kissing a thousand freshmen and sophomore girls and maybe even one or two boys." Dennis winked merrily. Steve wasn't one bit smarter than before. Dennis put a hand on his shoulder.

"Chin up, Steve, at least you have someone and he won't take offense when you're planning something for the two of you to surprise him, will he?" Steve lifted a shoulder and decided to ask Shuri. But not today. The girl scared him a little ...

Two days later he had prepared himself for the snappy princess, Bucky's best friend, who always treated him, Steve, a bit coolly and seemed to watch him almost suspiciously. The 15-year-old was considered a genius in her home country and, given Wakanda was a highly developed country in science and technology, she was very likely to be well above average here, too.

The fact Bucky had become so close to the much younger girl was testament to her maturity and intellect. In the morning, he had checked Thor's schedule and, somewhat guiltily, apologized from English a few minutes before end of the lesson by muttering something of discomfort and a glass of water to wait for Shuri in front of the Science halls. The first to rumble out of the room was Thor.

"Steve!" He boomed, holding out his hand, palm up. "Uh ..." Steve looked at the hand, then straight into his brother's face. "Hasn't Mom texted you I've forgotten my lunch money on the kitchen counter?" "No ...?" "Oh." Thor looked disappointed. "You'd like me to give you some?" "Come on Thor!", Loki, who had just shown up, cried out, "we have to go to Computer Science. The halls are on the other side of the school!“ „But Steve was about to give me lunch money!“ „I've got enough for both of us. See you later, Steve!” Loki pulled his older brother away.

More students came, chatting and laughing, then finally Shuri - accompanied by her also somewhat creepy friend, Nebula Titan. The very serious, very tall girl, looked Steve up and down when he asked Shuri for a minute before nodding graciously, leaving without a word.

"What is it, Steven? Have you lose Bucky? I don't know where he is. “, She smiled sweetly. Steve gave a jerk, decided to not being provoked. "I ... no, I'm having lunch with him later. I've wanted to ask you something.” She raised her eyebrows almost to her hairline.

"Me?" Steve was tempted to express his displeasure, but he forced himself to stay calm. After all, even T'Challa had tremendous respect for this 50 kilos of crabbiness and he was a tribe warrior! He had no idea how Bucky was doing this ... Well, he was probably Shuri's soft spot, touching something in her like puppys do to other people. Steve shook his head inside at his crazy thoughts ...

"It's about Bucky." "No shit, Sherlock. And I've thought you've wanted to know something about the singularity of space and time. Unfortunately I couldn't have helped with that topic. What about Bucky? ”, The watchful expression in her deep dark eyes annoyed him a little but he swallowed that, too. "You are closer to him than anyone else except me. And I'm really desperate!“ „That's what I've thought whith you coming to me. How can I help you?” Her sudden willingness to help surprised Steve and that was evident in his features.

"Don't look so surprised! If I can help you to make Bucky happy or at least not to make him unhappy, I'm always in for it! Shoot.“ „Uh, yes ... It's this: I want to make him happy of course!“ „Good for you.“ „Whatever ... Yes, of course good for me!“ „And even better for him. In that case, you have my full support." _Phew_ , Steve thought, it's like with mafia, just worse … "Listen. I'd like to surprise him with something romantic on Valentine's Day and I ... I admit, I have no idea how he's feeling about all of this valentine-ey thingie.“ „Oh." Shuri said.

Then her eyes flashed curiously. "Does that mean you've never talked about it in years?" Steve shifted from foot to foot. "That was a ticklish topic?" „You've been best friends forever!“ „Don't make it so difficult for me. We've never talked about these things, at least not since ...“ „Since he came out to you“ „Has he told you this?" Steve exclaimed surprised, "and tell me, aren't you supposed to be in Computer Science?"

"I doing that with the juniors, I'm having free work time. And you, Steven, are you skipping class?” She teased him. "I've said I'm not comfortable and we have Henderson now. So ...” Shuri laughed. "Isn't Bucky missing you there?" "We're not twelve anymore," Steve said with much dignity. "He hasn't, by the way," Steve couldn't follow her. "Told me that you have always avoided love issues in your conversations. I've made up my mind - let's say - from context." "Oh, okay. Never mind now. Does he talk to you about things like that?“ „What things?” Shuri obviously wanted to torment him a little, but okay, if it helped, he was fine.

"Has he told you about the man he'd been with for so long last year?" Steve blurted out. Shuri's face darkened somewhat and she suddenly seemed unsettled. "Hasn't he told you anything either?" Steve frowned. "Well, not much. I know it ended ugly, but it had been up for half a year, plus/minus ... and they were together on Valentine's Day and I was wondering …" Shuri interrupted him:

"I can tell you nothing about that man, nothing at all. That's what I secretly - and never tell him – swear!“ „I swear.“ „I'm serious, you must never tell him, otherwise I'm getting really mad and going to never help you again.“ „I'm serious too.“ „I'm calling this 'Bucky's dark times'. Something uncanny and completely untypical for him has happened back then. He's been totally changed. T'Challa's thought so too. Well, but now he has you. And honestly ... Finally, Steven, am I right?" Steve looked guilty, which made her smile thinly but with genuine.

"I'm telling you that much: do that with the Valentine's Day surprise. He's got something for you too. But: "and she looked sternly again," Don't give him a golden watch or something stupid like that.“ „What? I would never come up with such a stupid idea ... a golden watch?” Steve laughed. "I'm telling you one more thing: he invested a lot of time and effort, but almost no money. Just as an inspiration." With that she turned away, waved to him again without looking back and disappeared around a corner …

Valentine's Day was a Friday in 2020, and all afternoon clubs and classes were canceled due to the planned spectacle in the auditorium. Many lollipops ($ 2), roses ($ 5), balloons ($ 10) and cupid messages ($ 20) had 'flown' through the school throughout the day. Steve had held back. He sent Bucky a cupid around ten ( _You look sexy in red!_ Bucky was wearing a deep red shirt to match the day of love) and a lollipop shortly before lunch break. Steve also got a cupid ( _You have beautiful eyes and hopefully I'm going to make them shine today!_ \- which was good, a bit cheesy but romantic, definitely.)

During lunch break, Bucky was distracted. 'Hanging' over his phone he watched the live feed for the Valentine's spectacle. He was satisfied, there was a lot of praise for the class. In any case, much more than criticism of the thing itself and hate messages from those being stuck-in-the-mud for love. And the donation account grew and grew - even though the afternoon in the assembly hall had not yet started. "You've gotten it all perfect, like always, Bucky," Steve tried to get his attention. "What?" Bucky asked absently. "Wow, the spirit of Valentine's Day's surrounding me. I can feel the romance. It's almost suffocating.“ „Baby ... unlike you, I'm getting a grade for that, so stop sulking."

The lollipop in Bucky's mouth was making things with Steve. "Have you been you happy about your lollipop?" Bucky looked up, took the handle between thumb and index finger, turned it back and forth, eyes half closed. Then he pulled it out until his lips were around the thickest part and Steve swallowed, that was ... a very sexy parody of what they had done the night before. The lollipop popped out of Bucky's mouth, he nudged it with the tip of his tongue before pushing it resolutely back into his mouth - deep into his mouth. His bedroom eyes never left Steve's. Blushing a little he swallowed harder than before. Bucky grinned a little dirtily and checked his phone again. Steve stared at him with his mouth open and very much in love.

After lunch break, the whole school, even the notorious Valentine's Day haters, gathered in the auditorium. After all, they had to, it was ultimately a school event. Moderated by Kyle, of course, as always, he had some talent for it, the event began with the evaluation of the photo competition. First, after a short greeting, all the fun submissions that weren't meant to be serious were projected onto the screen above the stage and laughed at with great fun. Then there was a slide show of really worth seeing works and all the students who wanted to could participate in the live voting on the school server. The first ten places would be professionally processed into art prints by a photo studio and were immediately auctioned off. After this point, everyone could fortify themselves with heart-shaped waffles and hot chocolate.

Bucky bought Steve one then had to go backstage, the class was about to perform some of the most iconic love scenes from literature and film. There were scenes from 'Pride and Prejudice', 'Romeo and Juliet', 'Titanic', 'Gone with the Wind', Casablanca ', a 'living picture' of the famous Times Square kiss and Bucky acted a monologue from the film 'Four weddings and one death' - the funeral speech the bereaved one of the gay couple made after the older one's sudden cardiac death, which moved his audience to tears. Every scene was cheered on. Costumes, props and performance were excellent as always.

Bucky and his classmates were making every school event a real experience! After that, Bucky and Steve had their pictures taken under the pavilion, had had waffles again. When Bucky noticed an incredible donation of $ 22,458 on the school server, he happily put his phone away looking at Steve: "Happy Valentine, Sweetheart." Steve stopped short , then: "Uh, likewise. I mean Happy Valentine.“ „Let's go.“ „Can you do that? Don't you have to tidy up?” Bucky chuckled. "I've twisted myself out this time. For that I've had to promise terrible things like cleaning the cloakrooms in the catacombs, but everything for the day of love - everything for you, sweetie pie. "

Steve was completely taken aback. "W-what do you have in mind?" "There's this fantasy in which you're kidnapping me pouring a lot of magic over me. And don't get nervous now ... ", Bucky had seen Steve's suddenly startled look, "for me you are magical in every context. If you want to seduce me in the backseat of your ridiculously small car, I' m with you, baby.“ „Uh ... ", Steve made less intelligent, then he caught himself: "I know something better!“ „Thank God. Your car is a lumbago incarnate.” Steve laughed, “Come on, I'm taking you to your surprise.” Bucky needn't be old twice letting Steve pull him out of the school building.

"And?" When they were outside. "Stevie, do you have the Stark Industries jet on call to take me to Paris?" Bucky teased. Steve grunted, "Hey! I'm really not that a pompous fuck.“ „I know! You are pompous, but only to the extent that it's still sexy or at least cute. I love you, sweety pie.” They were in the parking lot, pretty much between Steve's VW and Bucky's Pick-Up. "Sweetie pie? Why exactly that?" „Don't like it? Well, I do!“

"Come on," Steve replied, taking his hand, pulling him to his car. "Oooh, surprise lumbago, awesome!" Bucky laughed. "Shut up," Steve grinned, urged Bucky to get in, heading for Queens. "What's this is about, you punk?" „Don't be so impatient!“ „I would have taken back seat sex,you know?“ „I know, you're always taking sex!" Bucky giggled: "Pot-kettle-black, sweetie pie." Steve groaned a little tortured:

" _Sweetie pie_? Honestly? Why exactly that?“ „Oh, you really don't like it? But you are exactly that: my sweetie pie. Suiting your sweet little pink pouty mouth.“ Steve only grunted again. "Hm, Let's think about what you could like better? Ha, I got it: my sexy beast. Or naughty monster or what do you think of King Alpha, God of Hotness?” Steve gave an embarrassed laugh. "Bucky! That's all horrible!" Bucky giggled, "Are there any more jewels like this out of this hideous list?" Bucky enlightened his boyfriend. They nearly cried with laughter at Mister Spicy, Rocketman, Night Viper and Bucky's personal favorite: Candy Cane, which made Steve blush beautifully. „Please stick to 'baby', when Sam's around, can you?“ Bucky smirked. "Boring, but if you wish so I should be fine, _baby_."

Steve stopped in the port of Rockaway Bay in Queens parking his small car in front of a very small houseboat. He pointed through the windshield: "Bucky, I've rented this overnight. Hopping on board, sailor?" The following pause dragged on endlessly. "Bucky?" Steve finally felt compelled to ask. He looked anxiously at his boyfriend, who didn't reveal any emotion on his face. His bobbing Adam's apple was a clue Steve couldn't judge without context. The strange moment was over ...

"Steve! That's unbelievable! A boat! You know I love being on the water! Oh, that's wonderful. I love you!”, And with that Bucky threw his arms around his neck, but the minimally unsettled sounding tone had set Steve on alert. "Bucky ... baby, is it too much?" He asked the first thing what came to mind. He could hardly imagine though. The trip, which had been his Christmas present, had cost a few hundred dollars and hadn't bothered Bucky in the slightest. A night on an R'b'n'b boat was worth barely 80 dollars, which Bucky knew for sure. It really couldn't be that. Bucky broke away from him, looking him in the face:

"Too much? You punk. Come, let's go and board, be my captain!” But Steve didn't miss Bucky's underlying nervousness. Nevertheless, he obeyed and - as agreed - got the key, it was hidden under a stone, went down the gangway to the boat with Bucky and at first they were looking around. The boat had a sundeck with an outdoor oven, a narrow staircase led into the hull. There was a tiny galley and a large room with a lovely bunk, separated from the room with curtains, a couch, a small table, and a counter with bar stools serving as a dining area. A tiny bathroom with shower and toilet completed the mini apartment. The round portholes were charming and everything was made of wood in warm colours - very simple and cozy.

Bucky seemed to relax a bit and Steve decided not to speak about his behavior from before. He thought his boyfriend was reassured by the simplicity of the property. "How sweet and charming, Steve. It's awesome! Come 'ere.” Bucky dropped onto the sofa patting the cushions next to him invitingly. His boyfriend sat down with him.

"Do you want to be my valentine?" Bucky smiled at him. "If you are mine?" Steve replied and Bucky got a small package out of his jeans pocket, really tiny. "Happy Valentine, baby." "Happy Valentine.", Steve took the package - typical for Bucky - wrapped in a napkin of one of their favorite restaurants, this time the Omai. Steve curiously unfolded the noble fleece - finding a mini USB stick.

"For your phone. Come on, put it in.“ „I'm gonna say _that_ later, too, aren't I? ”, Steve giggled, already pulling his phone out of his jeans. The download and installation of an unnamed app started automatically from the stick. Then an icon appeared on the screen, the famous Red Cross. Steve tapped it and opened an app called _First Aid for StarkPhone Emergencies_. He looked up at Bucky in confusion. He smiled: "There is a tutorial", with that he nodded to the phone in Steve's hand. He found the 'Tutorial' button and tapped it. A text box popped up.

" _Stevie! What you are having in your hand, sometimes eyeing with fear is the tenth generation StarkPhone. The first generation of those highly developed, technically perfected communication devices was developed 16 years ago and has since been continuously improved in terms of efficiency and user-friendliness. Which, however, is not meaning you, my sweet innocent technology-goof, after all a descendant of the creator of those legendary devices, with that being StarkHuman second generation by the way... well, you out of all people can't handle them. May I note said creator has made an even more legendary thing? You, Stevie, his greatest achievement if you're asking me! But I digress ..._ "

Steve lowered the phone looking up at Bucky, who was eyeing him expectantly. "Bucky ... what have I loaded to my cell phone?" His friend had to laugh at the somewhat anxious expression on his face. "Look!" Steve was sitting on the edge of the couch and Bucky slipped behind him, clamped his chin over Steve's shoulder tapping the 'Skip tutorial' button in the app. A help search box appeared. "You can search for help topics, the app also has voice recognition. Try it out. Find a help topic for operating your phone.” Steve considered briefly, then spoke up clearly: “Search 'move picture within files manager'” The iconic three dots indicating 'loading' flashed briefly then a text window appeared again:

" _Seriously, Stevie? I've explained that to you so many times ... Sometimes I think you just like to hear my voice. But I could be telling you so much nicer things than: 'Open the gallery in the file manager and search for the folder with the photo.' For example, I'd say, 'I love how your hair's tickling my nose and its scent when you're the little spoon. They are as soft as angel feathers and their scent has to be how heaven ought to smell.' But apparently you like it better when I'm teaching you technology. Do you have a competency kink? Well, I can work with that. But back to your file manager problem ... "_

Steve cocked his head to look at Bucky: “I love listening to your voice and I like being the little spoon. But what the hell is a competency kink? ” Bucky kissed him on the temple. "You like it when I'm good at something, don't you?" „That goes without saying in a relationship!" Bucky giggled: "This won't do, baby.“ „Wha-at?“ „You _like_ -like it ... ", he ran his lips along Steve's ear. A shiver went through Steve's body. "W-well, there are things you're really good at which are giving me a lot of pleasure ...", he whispered. "For example?" "Are you going to kiss me now?" Steve whispered as he lay down in Bucky's arm looking up at him. He arranged them both a little more comfortable putting a hand on Steve's face.

"Am I really good at that?" He whispered against Steve's lips. "Yes! Oh, yes, you are!” Steve sighed and Bucky pressed his lips to his mouth finally. Steve instantly melted away, responding so devotedly making Bucky pull him close, quickly deepening the kiss. They only subconsciously perceived the horn of a ship nearby, then their little boat was swaying, the sound of clapping waves hitting the boat wall was loud in the small room. Both of them now realized very evidently they were on a boat.

Bucky's body trembled and his breath accelerated to top speed. It wasn't unusual when they kissed, but his grip on Steve's jaw was suddenly so tight and his hand was suddenly completely cold and sweaty and his breaths were chopped through his nose all at once and he made a few small sounds, very similar to startled gasps. His body stiffened, the arm holding Steve shook uncontrolled and violently. Steve frowned, still a little dazed from the kiss, but alarmed when Bucky broke free gasping for breath:

"C-can't do it. Ha-have to get out! T-take me out, Steve! Steve! 'm cho-choking!” Steve jumped, startled. "Bucky!" "Out, puh-lease!" Bucky was cramped, panting, breathing, spotty red in his face and on his neck and his body was shaking convulsively. Steve postponed questions and thinking to later, pulled his boyfriend off the couch, put one of his arms around his shoulders dragging him up the stairs to the deck.

There he grabbed his upper arms speaking to him: "Bucky, breathe! In-and-out, in-and-out. Please breathe, baby, I'm with you, I'm having you. Breathe!" And somehow he penetrated the panic attack - as such Steve had finally recognized Bucky's behavior ... Bucky was breathing, if not calmly, but frequently at least again soon and Steve pulled him into his strong arms to hold him until his body's tremor and the unnatural heat he exuded subsided, and he felt Bucky's muscles were no longer cramping but softening again. Finally, his boyfriend leaned exhausted and a little weak against his chest, wrapped tightly in his arms.

"Do you need to see a doctor?" Bucky gave a hollow laugh. "S-stevie ... I have to tell you something." Steve wasn't comfortable with his boyfriend's somehow defeated, small tone, but he also wanted to be strong for him just holding him tight. "Only if you want to, baby ..." he murmured into Bucky's hair. A little sob escaped Bucky's throat. "I think I have to. That was pretty weird, wasn't it?“ Steve took a deep breath. "Bucky. You only have to if you think you have to get rid of whatever it is. But ... ", he sighed," you're right, that was weird. What's happened, Baby? You're not breaking up with me, are you?”, Suddenly Steve was panicked, grabbing his boyfriend by his upper arms again. "Bucky ..." he gasped.

"No, _no_ , Steve! Never, I'm never breaking up with you! I love you! B-but you don't know everything about me and ... maybe you want to ... ", he had become very quiet and miserable before he fell silent. Steve froze, blinked. "B-bucky?" He asked, now also quietly and in a somehow small voice. Bucky took a deep breath. "Jay rented some yacht last Valentine's Day and was having a ... party." Bucky's agonized voice brought tears to Steve's eyes. He took a deep breath: "Do you want to get off the boat?" Bucky thought for a long time before shaking his head. "No. This boat is very different. It was just the noises and ... No, let's go downstairs and talk. "

Steve got some coke from the mini-fridge (included in the fee), put Bucky on the couch getting down on the floor in front of him. "What a shitty Valentine's Day," he said first, "I'm so sorry." Steve looked at him sadly: "Oh, Bucky, don't do that. We have so much time! We still have our whole life ahead of us and many more Valentine's Days. Whatever you need is more important now." Bucky frowned:" Steven! You don't even know ... Oh, I'm a mess! You've deserved someone better.“ Steve looked angry immediately.

"Someone better than you? Bucky Barnes, don't you talk such nonsense! You are ... the best one can have! What do you think, what's going on in your ...?“ „STEVE!”, He fell silent from Bucky's violence. "I'm going to tell you about my Valentine's Day party last year and after that you're gonna be looking at me like something stuck to the sole of your boot." Steve would never forget that night, a night full of self-loathing, despair, loneliness and longing. A night of bitter tears and nausea and disgust and abysmal depths of humanity ...


	67. The 'Other' Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: oblivious drug use; manipulative behaviour; underage participating in an adult party - no sex though
> 
> ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**The 'Other' Valentine's Day**

Jared 'Jay' Harrison had been thinking a lot about his young lover in the past few weeks. On the one hand, he seemed to be clinging on him more and more desperately, on the other hand, he was slowly, subtly but noticeably slipping away from him. Bucky was nearly always absent, lost in thought. He had become thinner, looking pale often. Jay knew something was tormenting him, he felt it and it was difficult for him to ignore furthermore.

It was ridiculous: they had been a couple for almost five months and were having fantastic sex. Why did he - and Bucky as he knew - find it so difficult to put this relationship into words, to understand what there was between them? He missed it painfully he could not be seen with his pretty conquest in the relevant clubs or bars. Because of Bucky's age, he was prevented from showing off to his friends or strangers. He wasn't in love with him, and knew Bucky didn't love him. But nonetheless, he would be so proud and maybe the boy's heart would open up a bit more...

Maybe everything would be different if the younger one was falling in love with him. Bucky wasn't happy. If he could make him fall in love with him, he would want to make him happy. Yes, everything would be different if Bucky could only love him ... It was a little offensive to Jay Harrison that Bucky wasn't feeling more for him, suspected the boy was taking advantage of him to forget about some secret heart-break. If he only gave him a little more, he could certainly feel more for him himself. Maybe there was a chance at... at what? Well, a _chance_. He wanted to try ...

On Valentine's Day, a Thursday he texted him at 7 a.m.

"Good morning Baby. Happy Valentine! Take the bus to school, I'm gonna pick you up. 4Pm, corner 64th?"

_Oh god_ , Valentine's Day! Bucky had suppressed the fact. Steve had told him a few days ago what he was planning with Sharon, T'Challa would fly over to New Orleans with Nakia at weekend, as he knew from Shuri and himself? He hadn't expected this day to mean anything in this fucked-up relationship with Jay. Now he wanted to see him, even pick him up from school, which he'd never done! And Bucky didn't have a gift, of course ... He would have to sneak away during free work and along with lunch time he would have time to buy something. But what?

"Happy Valentine! 4 pm is perfect.“, He hesitated briefly, sending: “I'm looking forward to it!“ after.

While his classmates were doing their work in the library, Bucky rushed to a gift shop five blocks from school. He looked around helplessly, Valentine's Day was present in all the decorations. The stressed saleswoman, the shop was packed with last minute lovebirds, watched him out of the corner of her eye, she sighed under her breath. _That lucky bitch_... she thought, assuming the handsome young man was looking for something for his girlfriend. When her co-worker was coming storage, his arms full of heart pillows to replenish an empty shelf, she resolutely took the pillows from him sending him to the cash register. The pillows were quickly stocked and she could finally speak to Bucky.

"Difficult decision, isn't it? I suppose it should be something special?“ „Uh, do people come to this shop _not_ looking for something special?” Bucky smiled at her. Her bright laughter was a bit shrill. "Maybe I can help? For example, I'd not be happy about this kitschy bracelet.” With that she pointed to a piece of jewelry made of braided silk with a plaque saying 'My Valentine'. "Well, neither would I, to be honest.", Bucky winked, "what would you recommend?"

"Me? But I don't know anything about this special girl. How am I supposed to know better than you?”, Her eye-batting was on point. "What are you giving your boyfriend?" "I don't have a Valentine this year. But if I had one, I would know something.” She led Bucky into a discreetly lit corner with slightly more spicy, slightly more _uncommon_ gifts. There were panties made from sugar beads, massage oils, edible body paint, sexy vouchers, a truth-or-dare game with sex challenges, an ice cube tray for penis-shaped ice cubes and crazy condoms. A gold mine!

“Unfortunately, those are not quite the gifts for a girl. Few of us have that much of a sense of humor.” Bucky cleared his throat: “Yeah, um, in my case that's an advantage, my present is for a man.” The saleswoman stared, but only briefly, turning a little pink and muttered: „I'm sorry.“ "Never mind! I'm taking the paint, the game, and the condoms.“ „I'm wrapping them as a gift for you, there's not that much time after all, is it?" Bucky laughed: "No, it's a last minute date.“ „I hope he's worth you sacrificing your lunch break.“ „Yeah, I hope so too," Bucky murmured absently.

At 4:00 p.m., Jay's sleek sports car was at the appointed spot when Bucky got there. He quickly got in. "Hi! Nice of you to pick me up!“ „You look very pretty.”, His boyfriend eyed him admiringly from head to toe. It was a school day, of course Bucky wasn't dressed extravagantly, but he had tried hard, with jet black jeans, cognac-colored work boots, and a shimmering ice-blue shirt under a heavy leather jacket. Jay was wearing his casual office outfit made of trousers, jacket, no tie, short coat.

"You're looking very good too! Happy Valentine.” Bucky wasn't expecting a kiss. Jay never kissed him outside the bedroom or the occasional sexy time on his couch. The older one took Bucky's hand pressing his lips to his knuckles. "Happy Valentine. Do you like ships? ", He didn't let go of his hand, caressing his fingers with his lips, which confused Bucky a bit, then he noticed Jay was waiting for an answer: "I love ships!“ „Then I've done the right thing, let's go.”, he placed Bucky's hand on his own thigh giving it another encouraging squeeze before reaching for the car key. Bucky drew small circles on Jay's leg with his fingers, looking over at him:

"What have you done right?" "Let yourself be surprised." They went to a parking garage near the harbor. Once in a parking bay, Jay turned to Bucky. "I've actually wanted to book an evening trip, but unfortunately only people over 21 are allowed, so I've had to shift to the 5pm cruise. The organizer assured me it's also romantic and an experience. Fancy a pink decorated harbor cruise?“ Bucky stuttered, staring at him:

"I-I'm sorry, I'm too young ..." "Baby, we're making the best of it and when there's a lot of teenagers in love, we just adjust. At least they don't mind two men kissing, do they?” Bucky laughed a little shakily and a little overwhelmed. "Guess no. I have a present for you, by the way.” He used this to pull the nicely wrapped parcel out of his backpack. Jay unwrapped it. He laughed: "Everything for me? But you know I can't use any of this alone? Have you given yourself a little something there, too?” Bucky smirked:

"When, if not on Valentine's Day, you're able to make gifts to be fun for two? You're not sending me on a harbor cruise alone, either!” Jay surprised Bucky by pulling him close, kissing him tenderly, then passionately. The small, desperate, yearning sound the younger one made left Jay excited. He was on the right track. _Piece of cake_ to make Bucky fall in love with him! Bucky's thoughts were racing when they got out! What was happening here? Is Jay falling in love with him? Then - maybe - Maybe he would finally be able to feel something for him. _Maybe_.

The trip through the entire New York harbor on the shrilly kitschy decorated cruiser with hearts and balloons (and heart balloons of course) was amazingly fun. As expected, there were many teenage couples on board and a few families, whose parents were hoping for some Valentine's Day magic. Bucky turned many heads, openly enthusiastic glances from some girls and a few very angry ones by their companions who had been saving their pocket money for a long time for this expensive trip. They were having hot chocolate and non-alcoholic cocktails with straws bent into hearts.

Jay was flirting with Bucky, complimented him, overall being the perfect Valentine's Day date. Bucky was hanging on his lips like he had in the beginning when Jay had still been really talking to him. He asked Bucky about his school projects, which he'd never been doing. He wanted to know everything about his extraordinary friends from Wakanda, praised him for his determined and thoughtful plans for the future. He told Bucky about his everyday office life, but this time without complaining about the pressure and stress, but making him laugh with anecdotes about one or the other bizarre co-worker. And he even kissed him once and not in a dark corner, but in the middle of the crowd!

After the cruise, he was holding Bucky's hand when they strolled back to the parking garage. In the car Jay sighed looking at Bucky contritely: "I have to go to the office again, I'm sorry. I've left a lot of work.“ „That's okay!" Bucky hurried to say, "This was a perfect Valentine's Day surprise! Thanks for that.“ „It' been great fun for me, too. But don't you think that's all to it! Tomorrow's a school day, I still have to work tonight. But I'm gonna make it up to you tomorrow,. Promise. After all it's weekend.” Bucky laughed a little helplessly. "You're spoiling me." "You deserve it. I'm texting you the details, yes? And don't ask more questions. It's a surprise.” Bucky beaming at him with an expression of pure joy was giving him genuine hope...

(2020)

Steve, of course, had only been told Bucky's side of the story and could make little sense of it. He had listened to him patiently, asking no questions, not having interrupted him. But he was just as confused about Jay's 180 degree turn as Bucky was by the way how he was telling it. He could well imagine how it was going to go on. But he got a bottle of coke out of the mini fridge first, poured Bucky some. Obviously he needed a short break. Steve picked up his phone browsing around a bit in his new by Bucky created app.

His boyfiend had written down funny, lovingly teasing texts on all topics, supporting Steve in the operation of the features on his StarkPhone, which he found difficult to handle. He wasn't knowing much of IT , but it looked like hours and hours of work Bucky had been doing. "Baby, this is insane, what you created there! I'm speechless.” Bucky laughed to himself. "I just know how to impress you. You're going over the top. It's just an app, and even one without any animation.“ „I'm not! I know how little time you're having on your hand besides school, your internship and well, me, of course. Just take the compliment and let me thank you. I appreciate what you've done for me there“ „I'm taking it, don't worry!” Bucky laughed. They were silent for a little while, Bucky's head on Steve's shoulder, one of his arm around his shoulders. Steve took a deep breath:

"How's it been going on? Has he confessed his love to you the next day and it's gotten ugly?”, Steve was told by Bucky had only ever loved him, Steve, and he couldn't imagine he would have told Jay otherwise. Bucky closed his eyes taking a shaky breath. Who knows what would have happened if Jay _had_ loved him ... But of course now it didn't matter anymore, now only Steve was important, as he'd always and forever been... "N-no. The next evening there was surprise-boat-trip, part two."

(2019)

Bucky had been studying all evening after the harbor cruise and made up for the work of his missed freel work time, but he had thought a lot about Jay. How nice he had been. Adorable even! His heart was pounding with excitement and anticipation for the next day. Was there something going on which would finally get him out of his loneliness, misery and heartache? But what about Steve? He would never be able to stop loving Steve, he was convinced, but maybe this unattainable unrequited love would change into something more peaceful, less painful. In something good, a beautiful memory full of warmth and nostalgia ...

The next morning, they were in Science, Henderson was lecturing about genetics in soybean breeding, he got a message from Jay. He couldn't wait until after the hour and Peggy next to him snorted contemptuously as he opened WhatsApp under his desk.

"Change into something you feel sexy in and pack a few things later: a toothbrush, a pair of undies, a hairbrush ... by the way, pajamas will not be needed;). I'm picking you up from your place at the corner, 7 p.m. If you want so, but believe me, you want so. <3 "

"Believe me, I want so. ;) "

"Barnes, can you summarize briefly for the class what devastating damage genetically manipulated soybean farming is causing in Southeast Asia?" Henderson might have thought he could catch Bucky on the wrong foot, but he had a say in the topic without having listened to Henderson at all, giving a zissy lecture against genetic engineering. Henderson, surprised a bit, praised him with Peggy looking a little pissed. Bucky wasn't caring at all.

At home, he rummaged through his closet, opting for white jeans, a silver-gray tank top and a tight-fitting, short-waist dark gray sports jacket, heavy motorcycle ankle boots and the elegant, expensive Sherlock Holmes coat he had bought from Nana's Christmas check. Then he went to the bathtub for an hour, shaving thoroughly where it was appropriate for what was going to happen at night, and finally packed a few toiletries and fresh boxers, socks, and a light sweater into his messenger bag. A travel bag would be an exaggeration for the few things and a rucksack definitely would not suit his outfit

At 7:00 pm, he was waiting at the corner down their street when Jays Jaguar was already rolling in. Jay was pretty wealthy, as Bucky knew, the Downtown apartment he lived in was owned by his father, the manager of an exclusive Brooklyn car dealership where his car came from. His generous salary from the city authorities was almost entirely at his free disposal. It was pure luxury not to have to pay rent in New York. Jay parked, got out, nodding in admiration for Bucky's appearance, and rushed around the car to open the door.

"Hello, handsome, fancy a ride?" Bucky laughed: "Interesting choice of words." Then he got in after throwing his bag onto the back seat. "You do have a small bag with you." "You know, I'm wearing undies size S, you don't need a bigger bag for that." "Nothing better than a sexy butt sized S if you ask me." His boyfriend winked and started the car. Mrs. Brown, who was walking her dog, watched the expensive car the Barnes boy had just gotten into with a sportily elegantly dressed man being older than James Barnes. Was the boy from their neighborhood, known as a gay a ... an ... escort? she wondered, then she shook her head. That was none of her business. Her husband, whom she told about it long and widely, was thinking so, too, but of course he said nothing ...

This evening they went back to the parking garage near the harbor. "Have you had dinner yet?" Jay asked as they emerged from the parking garage. "Uh ...", Bucky had completely forgotten about dinner and that was also the moment when his stomach growled audibly. His boyfriend laughed out loud: “If I wouldn't take care of you! I'm getting you something, what do you want? Pizza? Cheese pancakes or Thai?“ „Maybe I can have some sea food?” Bucky asked shyly.

“Sea food is a fantastic idea! There's a fishing cutter here selling those freshly caught.” Bucky's eyes lit up. Jay had a mixed plate for two packed in a thermal container at the cutter's booth before leading Bucky to a dock where smaller yachts were waiting. "Ahoy, skipper!" He called to a man on one of them. "Ahoy! Mr. Harrison, I suppose?" "The very!" "Well, then on board with you!" Bucky turned to his boyfriend. "J-jay ... that's a _yacht_." "Thanks for the clarification, sweet baby." Jay laughed, "you've said you love ships. Happy Valentine again. Hop on, on board with you!“ „This is a yacht, Jay. Are you _crazy_?” Bucky hissed. "You're repeating yourself, Sweetheart. It's only a small yacht, relax. "

Bucky noticed Jay's crooked, slightly contrite smile, straightened his shoulders and climbed the ladder up to the deck. He pushed the little ugly thought ( _sugarbabysugarbabysugarbaby_ ) resolutely into the darker depths of his brain. Once at the top, Jay had of course followed him, the skipper introduced himself as Jonas, welcomed them on board of the Lavinia and showed them the interior. There was a spacious kitchen-bar-salon combination, a small bathroom, an outdoor deck designed like a winter garden with a chairs lounge and glass roof. And the sleeping cabin with a huge bed in the middle ...

Jonas, their skipper asked if he should depart harbour and Jay looked questioningly at Bucky. Despite all the shy uncertainty, he gave a jerk and nodded. "Then drop anchor!" The skipper called, leaving them alone in the salon cabin. The following silence went on for a minute or two. "Hey ..." Jay finally broke it, "I'm sorry if this is too much. But I've wanted this so badly and you've said you love boats and be also assured I don't have to live on dry bread and water for the rest of the month.“ Bucky snorted amused, looking Jay in the eye.

"It is awesome. Honestly. I ... thank you for that. I really love boats! And ...” Jay's expression became watchful, expectant. "And I apologize for my country rube's reaction. Seriously. After all, you have a well-paid job and I hope I'm going to do something like that too, to be able to when everything's going the way I want it to and ...“ „You will, baby!" Jay interrupted, "you're going to get everything you want. There's greatness ahead!" Everything he wanted... _Stevestevesteve_ ... flashed suddenly and completely unexpectedly in Bucky's mind. Jay must have noticed the changed expression on Bucky's face. He frowned, but decided on not going into it:

"Let's have dinner," he said resolutely, placing the take-away box on the bar, looking for plates, cutlery and napkins, quickly finding what he was looking for, asking for Bucky's coat. "gogrgeous coat, gorgeous," he smiled. Bucky returned the smile letting himself be helped out of his coat. Then they sat down at the bar for dinner.

(2020)

"Bucky, this isn't worth more than 80$, just to make sure." "I know, punk. I kind of figured it out.“ It was the first time Steve interrupted Bucky's story. "Have you really thought he wanted ... well, I mean, he was about to make you his sugarbaby?" Steve knew for Bucky this was absolutely not an option in any context. Someone telling him what to wear? Consume himself for constant praise? Align every aspect of his life to an overpowering daddy? In addition, Bucky was an almost exclusive top, as Steve thought. Were there sugarbabies being tops? Were there sugardaddy being bottoms? Bucky replied after a moment's thought:

"Yes. Briefly. But that weren't actually our relationship dynamics. It was more characterized by vigilance, mutual distrust and dancing around each other, taking more than giving, a lot of sick shit. Sometimes one had the upper hand, sometimes the other. In any case, the yacht, the sea food, the compliments, all his behavior had changed ... I was so confused - but also flattered and I liked it very much, it was a nice change, I admit that - but I've had a bad feeling about it, all the time ...“ „Tell me. Of course only if you want to."

“I don't really want to, but I think I have to get this out of my system. I'm sorry, Stevie ... you have to endure this now.“ „This is my job. I am your boyfriend and I love you.” Bucky squeezed Steve's hand. "I love you too. And thank you. Thanks for everything.” Steve looked bashfully at their clasped hands. "Please, not for that, Bucky." He took a deep breath going on to tell.

(2019)

The sea food was very good and after they'd finished Jay mixed Margaritas while Bucky made himself comfortable on the couch. He had decided to just accept this evening (this night), without questioning anything anymore and to ignore Steve's face, which appeared in his thoughts every now and then out of the blue. The margaritas were strong and Bucky was not used to drinking much alcohol, he was soon fond of it, which loosened his tongue and reduced his alertness to a minimum.

"Jay, baby, why aren't you ever kissing me?" He asked after his second cocktail. They were lounging close together on the sofa with Jay having his arm around Bucky's back, playing with the hair in the back of his neck. "But baby, I'm kissing you very often.", He kissed him, without tongue and only briefly. Bucky followed his lips, eager for more, obviously. Jay turned his head away. Bucky snorted in frustration. Jay laughed softly:

"You know, I think it's very hot, how crazy it's making you, how needy you're getting from it, it's awesome! And when I finally give you what you want, you're so ... so sexy, so passionate, so ...turned on. I've thought you felt the same way: the waiting, the refuse only increasing your desire. Why haven't you said anything?“ „I ... like kissing, Jay. Very much so.“, Bucky answered shyly. "Would you like me to kiss you more often?" "Yes!" Bucky called eagerly. And Jay did him the favor, kissed him. Bucky laid all of his desperation, his wish for a little love, his hunger, his heartfelt desire to be someone's everything into the kiss.

"Wow ..." his boyfriend whispered against Bucky lips after the almost endless kiss, "You love kissing." "Yes, I do" Bucky breathed snuggling closer to the older one. "Baby ... I'm gonna remember, I promise. But …" Jay sat up, pushing Bucky away from him gently, "this surprise has not yet reached its peak yet." Bucky looked at him, frowning slightly. "We're docking soon," Jay explained. "We're having a blast! A party, baby. I know it's sometimes frustrating to you being too young to go out, being cut from the fun. We're bringing the club night you can't have here. What do you say?"

(2020)

"Has he really refused to kiss you? What an idiot,” Steve interrupted Bucky. "I mean, you are ... well, no one in the world's a better kisser than you." Bucky smiled a little. "Would you like me to kiss you now?" "I think I always want you to kiss me!" Bucky didn't let himself be said twice and he and Steve kissed for a while - high-level, so to speak. When Bucky started fiddling with Steve's pants button, he caught his hands. "Wait, please.", He was very controlled, "finish the story, you have to get this over with, otherwise you might never be able to get over the whole thing." Bucky's frustrated snort electrified Steve, but he still forced himself to remain strong and determined.

(2019)

Bucky wasn't 'frustrated' in the slightest being young as he was. But he knew Jay was annoyed. "B-but, I've thought ... what do you mean 'we're bringing the club night here'?" "I've invited some good friends of mine. A couple: Michael and Ben, they're funny and cool, you're going to like them! And Harry, he's a little crazy, an artist. He's doing those performance acts on Broadway. If you want to, let's go to one.“ „Yes, maybe.” Bucky didn't show his disappointment. Neither his anger at himself. How could he have misjudged the situation so badly, having so little judgment?

Jay wasn't doing this for him, not for Bucky, this was only about himself, about being remarkable, being admired and showing off. How could he have thought, Jay just wanted Bucky to enjoy the night for his own sake... Like his boyfriend had suggested (ordered), he went to the small bathroom, brushing his hair. There was a stranger in the mirror. _What am i doing here? Why am i kidding myself? The boat's docking, get off! No matter where you're gonna be, get off this boat!_ But he did nothing of the sort.

He fixed his hair like some good boy and when he came back, Jay's friends came in the same moment, led to the salon by Jonas. The filthy grin of performance artist Harry was immediately repugnant to him. "Man-o-man, Jay, dude, what kind of cute baby were you fishing for? I have to stop by a school playground some time, I think. You're only showing this to us now? You have always been selfish!“ „Harry, where are your manners? They've raised you in a barn. Hi. Bucky, isn't it? I'm Michael and this is my significant other, Ben. Just ignore that barbarian. And Harry! You can stop undressing the poor boy with your eyes. You know how reluctant Jay is about sharing!"

The men all laughed. Jay distributed drinks, he also gave Bucky his third margarita. He'd said hello to everyone politely before looking into his glass. He didn't like the way they were talking about him. He didn't like the way Harry was looking at him and least of all he liked Jay's proud smug grin. He was barely listening to the conversation around him.

"Baby, Ben is an event manager, tell him about your projects in your advanced class!" Bucky swallowed his anger telling the somewhat quieter men about the international sports festival last autumn. "What're you going to do?" "When you've grown up, Ben's meaning." That had been Harry, of course. Bucky looked cooly at the man, who was about four inches shorter than himself. "Well, at least I'm having justified hope of getting any taller yet."

"Strike! Bravo, little one.” Michael laughed booming. Everyone, even Harry, fell in with it. Bucky suspected they had done some drinking before going on board. One Margarita wasn't making you that loud and funny that fast ... And all the time he felt like he wasn't aware of anything unlike everyone else in the room. Jared's arm around his hips suddenly felt as tight as a vise and he needed to get some fresh air, so he apologized and, mercifully relieved, climbed the stairs to the upper deck with his Margarita.

They had already arrived in Lower Bay, Bucky's guess was they were heading towards Long Island. The view was magnificent and the starry sky above him, so much clearer here than in the city, was awesome! He sighed heavily, narrowing his eyes. He wondered which blurry patch of land Fire Island might be, dimly lit with isolated lights, and he thought of 'their' tree, a lonely abandoned stormtrooper, and _Steve_. Then he sighed again, even heavier.

Lost in thought, he drew on the margarita's straw coming to its bottom and stopped, something coarse had settled on the bottom of his glass. He dipped his finger in rubbing the substance between the tips of his thumb and index finger, licking it over suspiciously, tasting the crumbs and he was suddenly very angry. _Ecstacy!_ Jay had stirred ecstasy into his margarita without asking! He wondered whether he should stick his finger in his throat when he noticed he was getting light in his head and tingling in all of his body. The first two margaritas obviously had already been drugged, too ...

(2020)

"That _damned_ bastard!" Steve grunted between clenched teeth. Bucky looked down at him. Steve was flushed with anger and he also seemed a little sick, probably from pity ... Bucky was silent for a little while, then:

"Steve ... don't you forget something?" His eyebrows contracted even more dangerously. "What? You don't want to defend the bastard, do you?“ „Don't you wonder why I've known what ecstasy tastes like?” Steve's jaw dropped. Bucky looked at his own hands clasped in his lap, noticed the knuckles looking all white, forcing his fingers to relax. Steve reached for one hand, massaging it, then he took the other one and did the same. "If it's getting too much, tell me, baby," he whispered. Bucky's eyes wettened at that, he swallowed.

"Steve, I've used drugs all the time, almost every time I was with him. I could never relax very well ... and it always hurt when we had sex without ... let's call it some help. Most of the time some poppers was enough, sometimes just a little weed and sometimes both wasn't helping. Then he crushed me an E stirring it into a drink. That has always helped. And besides, he's liked how ... I've gotten so _needy_ from it. “, He literally choked out the last words.

"Wait a minute," Steve interrupted, "you've been ...?", He turned pink falling silent. "Jay's never let me top." Steve stared briefly. "B-but ..." he fell silent again. Bucky sighed. “The first man I was with after Jay put some lube bottle in my hand and I started preparing myself as a matter of course. Then he pushed my hand between his legs without a word. I've been terribly nervous and honestly telling him it was my first time. But he helped me a lot, telling me what to do and how to do it. ”

"Who's it been?" "Aaron. The vet from Pride Day.” Steve nodded, knowing the circumstances with Bucky and the casual sex he had with the engaged college student. “Anyway, Aaron was somewhat... _impressed_. He's hardly wanted to believe I've been doing this for the first time. From then on I've been ... well ...“ „ A natural born top, yes? ", Steve asked smiling, "I can imagine. "

"Um, yes, whatever ..." Bucky went on, "I was up there on the deck under the stars, with who knows how many E's in my blood, adding the alcohol and my boyfriend and his amused buddies probably expectant about me, looking forward to what they've hoped to get. From then on, the ecstasy developed its effect more and more within every minute and I've finally gone down again. Haven't wanted to be alone, I've wanted, _no_ , I've _had_ to be touched, needed physical closeness.

My heart was racing, I've flushed with heat and my mouth was completely dry and on the way down I've seen in a mirror how huge my pupils were. And then I've gone back to the party, they have been playing music and ... ", he paused, taking a deep breath, swallowing hard, "then I...“ he closed his eyes, his hands were trembling. "I've made the little party an _event_ for Jay's drunk horny friends and for Jay, for whom I, his little high school slut, have been performing like a trained monkey." Steve was stunned with horror ...

(2019)

"Sweetheart! You've been up there forever, come here, you must be cold!“, Jay patted his thigh invitingly and Bucky sank onto his lap. "I've just told the boys what you've given me for Valentine's. All of your spicy gifts." "He's told us you haven't tried any of them yet!" Harry called, "a pity." Michael reached beside him, fishing for a bottle of water holding it out to Bucky. "You look thirsty." He thanked him friendly emptying the small bottle almost in one go. He was also very warm and took off his jacket. Ben read through some of the cards from the sexy Truth-or-Dare game.

"Give me some of them cards," Harry reached out and Ben gave him half of his stack. "Looks funny, let's have a go!" Bucky, who hadn't read the cards yet, looked over his shoulder at Jay, who nodded. "But we're not turning a bottle." "Bucky would cheat, he must have had a lot of practice in bottle turning." Harry really was quite an asshole.

Bucky pulled out his phone downloading a dice app. They distributed the numbers one to five among themselves, with a six they would simply roll the 'dice' again. Harry and Ben shuffled the cards making two piles. They agreed on a few rules: you could discard one card per turn, but then you definitely had to play out the next one. Bucky was now leaning comfortably against Jay, who was lazily but gently stroking his side. The older man breathed warm air on his neck from time to time, running his lips along his ear, nuzzling gently. He was feeling awesome now, enjoyed the warmth and closeness, the tingling in his stomach, the anticipation in the rest of his body, his subtle arousal...

Michael had to take the first card. He chose the dare on it: lick something edible from your partner's arm. After a short search he got syrup from one of the kitchen cupboards to the table dripping a small amount on Ben's forearm _better on the inside it's not so hairy!_ he laughed licking everything clean thoroughly. Harry got the next card, chose Truth and answered the question 'What was the last type of porn you've watched?' with 'Threesome'.

Then it was Jay's turn. He went for Dare and had to show his partner the hottest picture saved on his phone. He browsed only briefly, apparently knowing exactly which picture he thought was hottest and showed it to Bucky. He blushed a little. He thought he looked stupid when he was coming, but Jay thought the picture was fantastic, proud to have "caught" him at the right moment. "May we have a look?" "Look but do not touch, right, Jay?" The picture was only of Bucky's face and part of his torso so Jay shrugged and to Bucky's dismay he showed it around.

"Baby, please don't, I look stupid!" He hissed, wanting to take the phone from Michael, who just had it. "You don't, you look very sexy when ... I'm doing the thing in that picture to you .." Harry, who was having the phone licked his lips, agreed enthusiastically. Then it was Bucky's turn. He put the first card away. The question was, 'What's the hottest thing about a person of the opposite sex?', He grunted and giggled: "Is it allowed to say 'their brain'?" Everyone laughed shaking their heads. The dare was to call a phone sex number and convince the person on the line you were wearing diapers and wanted to come.

The other card he had to play was easy luckily. The question was 'How much money would your boss have to pay you to sleep with you?' Bucky thought of the owner of the trucker diner, his boss at his last job, and immediately decided no money in the world could have make him haing sex with that pig, so he took the dare: 'Whisper something in your partner's ear you think will turn him on.' He brought his mouth to Jay's ear breathing, "I can feel your cock, you are almost drilling a hole in my rump." Jay's hand on Bucky's side tightened its grip and he pressed himself very tightly against Bucky's butt. "Has definitely turned him on, am I right?" Harry asked around. Everyone smirked.

Ben got up mixing more margaritas. Bucky ignored all reason taking one. The evening was getting funnier and naughtier. One of Bucky's dares was 'Take your shirt off for the rest of the game', a question he promptly answered was, 'Who is the most inappropriate person you've ever imagined having sex with?' Bucky bursted out: "My headmaster." That got everyone delighted. "Oooh, is Bucky a bit kinky? What is it? Daddy kink? Authority kink?“ „Does he like getting his ass spanked?“ „Does your headmaster have a paddle or a cane hanging in his office?" Bucky who giggled a lot thought all of this was incredibly funny. He, feeling so grown up and cool, replied:

"I'm a very good boy, haven't figured it out yet. But Dr Strange is a very strict man, I bet he has a nice large paddle with holes in it and he'd definitely let you count his strikes.“ „Listen, Jay! Bet your sweetheart would love some little role-play. Go, buy him a cute school uniform.“ „If it helps, I've got a Hogwarts uniform from last Harry Potter convention, with a tie and a cape. I've got even a Nimbus 2000.” Bucky called. "Would be good for a little lesson, I guess" Harry sneered with glittering eyes. Bucky didn't break eye contact. "I can borrow it to you, with that you can certainly do it to yourself."

"Oh, and another blow!" Michael laughed, "The little one is a devil!" "With the face of an angel, I'm really lucky." Jay took Bucky's empty glass from him giving him a new one. He immediately took the straw between his lips, eagerly emptying half of his fifth (?) Margarita. The next Dare he chose was to simulate a blow job on his partner's fingers and this not only turned on Jay, it also aroused Bucky (and their audience) with him making needy little noises, wriggling his body back and forth, knealing in front of the couch aggressively pushing Jay's fingers in with spit running down his chin. It was a good show.

The evening progressed, Bucky got more and more drunk and horny choosing dares more and more dirty. Jay's friends were not allowed to touch, film or photograph him, Jay had made that very clear. But they got a lot to watch: Bucky shamelessly put on a show, doing a lap dance for Jay, having licked the edible body paint from his chest and stomach with arcing his back, moaning desperately.

Jay blindfolded him, he had to stick out his tongue guessing which part of his body his boyfriend was touching there (it was his elbow and Bucky had groaned in disappointment). Jay sent him into the bathroom with a small plug he had to put into himself which got him be rocking on it the rest of the night so inconspicuously but obvious for everyone. He was pleasing his audience. Finally, he had his hands tied behind his back, sitting on his heels while knealing, rubbing his throbbing crotch on Jay's palm until he came into his pants ...

(2020)

Steve was sick with disgust, horror and - yes, lust for murder. Bucky's voice had grown hoarse and somewhat monotonous, yet there was so much self-contempt and self-loathing in it. He had never heard anyone judge himself so honestly and cruelly like Bucky did that night. When he got to the point the guests had left the boat and how he was tearing off the few clothing left on his body, imploring Jay to fuck him, use him, do whatever he wanted with him Steve shouted brokenly, almost sobbing:

"Stop! I can't take it anymore!” Bucky fell silent. A single lonely tear rolled down his cheek. "Now you know the worst of me, Stevie." Bucky whispered sadly. "I can't find any words, Bucky. I'm shocked!“ „I know,” his boyfriend muttered. "B-but ... you've held on to him until your birthday ... Why on earth? You must have hated him for what he did to you at this party!“ „Against all expectations, Jay's made love to me so affectionstely that night and treated me so lovingly after, I've thought ... I've thought ... , Bucky breathed in and out a few times violently and choppy.

"I've just hated myself ... and I've wished I could like him, _really_ like ihm, maybe even love him. He told me again and again after the party night. He would make me happy if I could only give him a little more. And I've wanted to, I've really wanted! But ... I couldn't forget you, no matter how hard I've tried.“ „Everything you tell me about this man makes me think he could never have won your love. He would never have deserved you.“ „Oh, Stevie ... he accused me of taking advantage of him and ... he was right! Basically, Jay was just as poor a lonely miserable imp behind his facade as I was. It's connected us for a while, after all, almost for half a year. And, there were good things about our time together, too. What are you thinking? I'm not a masochist. I just guess you'd be not that fond of me telling you about exciting sex with some other man.“ Bucky winked. Steve pouted a little.

"What's happened on your birthday?" Steve asked out of the blue, convinced Bucky needed the final conclusion. "You've said you couldn't take it anymore," Bucky hesitated. "I'm stronger than that. I can take it. For you. If you want to tell me. If you want to finish this, your story, I can take it.” Bucky looked at him for a long time. “I think you're right and I have to do that. But first ... hold me a little? Hold on me, Stevie..." He looked at him pleadingly, his eyes, a stormy silvery gray, were glittering form unshed tears. Steve pulled him against his chest without a word.

What Bucky had told Steve almost a year earlier in the night of his ugly breakup with Jay, the reason why they had quarreled, the story about a gift from the sex shop, had been a lie. Bucky couldn't have told the truth, not that night and he had been silent about it until now, but Steve should finally find out what had really happened on Bucky's 18th birthday ...


	68. Bucky's 18th Birthday – his POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: domestic violence, implied rape threat, somewhat forced drug use
> 
> _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Bucky's 18 th Birthday – his POV**

Bucky smiled expactantly when Jay, dressed nicely in a dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, vest and slacks, opened. "Sweetheart! Happy Birthday. “, He pulled him into his arms and kissed him. He'd kissed him a lot more since Valentine's Day. He took the jacket from Bucky, quickly pulling him to the kitchen before he could take a look at Jay's living room, put on an apron there and immediately stirred in a pot on the stove again. It smelled wonderful of curry and other exotic spices.

"You've cooked ..." Jay had never done that. “It's a family recipe, I hope you like curry and pickled plums with your chicken. Sounds bizarre, but its taste is heaven!” Bucky, who cooked well himself, curiously leaned over the pot and then over the notebook which lay open beside the stove. Very clever, he thought. "Can I help?" "Don't you dare, today is your birthday. Sit down, I'm pouring you some wine. Red or white?“ „White, please." He got what he'd wanted sipping off his glass. It was very good.

"How's school been? Have you gotten anything nice as a present?“ „School's been like always. Steve's given me Stark VR glasses, the latest generation. Shuri had a real Wakandan spear for me. I've gotten a check from Dad. Grandpa's and Nana's mail is still on its way from ... Indonesia, I think. I haven't gotten anything else. "

Jay turned to him, smirked briefly and replied with a wink: "Wait and see." "Can I really not help?" "No, it's ready right away, table is already set. Just sit back and enjoy the evening, start right away.“ „Cheers to me?" Bucky laughed, lifting his wine glass and Jay taking his, clinking glasses with him. "To you." A few minutes later the meal was ready and the older man asked Bucky to wait briefly in the kitchen, he would take the food to the table and then come after him. He came back quickly, taking Bucky by his hand asking him to close his eyes.

He obeyed smiling. When he was allowed to open them again, Jay had led him into the living room, his breath hitched. Dozens and dozens of candles were lit up, the table was set with fine china, cloth napkins and heavy crystal glasses, there were several vases with cut flowers all over the room. His boyfriend politely pulled his chair back and gestured for him to sit down, which Bucky did. Then he filled their plates with rice and chicken curry, pouring more wine into the crystal glasses and water into the smaller ones next to them, took off his apron sitting down too.

They toasted Bucky's birthday again, the glasses were making a pleasant sound when touching, then they had dinner. It was delicious, and Bucky, who hadn't noticed how hungry he had been until now, asked for a second one after his first serving. The conversation was good too. Jay talked about his own 18th birthday, which he had spent in Europe during the summer holidays where he had been to a strip club and bar, got terribly drunk falling asleep on top of his date before there was more than a bit dry humping.

Then he told more about Europe and Bucky told about Aruba and Hawaii and the four months in Japan when he was thirteen. After eating, they cleaned up together and made themselves comfortable on the sofa. "What do you want to do? It's your birthday, _your day_ , you decide.“ „Fancy a movie we've already seen with some serious cuddling?“ „Why do you put it like a question? Of course we're doing that if you want to. "

They settled for _Harry and Sally_ , a classic, and Bucky snuggled between Jay's legs, his back to the older man's chest, his own legs drawn up, and he was kissed and nuzzled at the nape of his neck, his ear and his jaw line, tenderly embraced by Jay's arms. They laughed a lot and when the famous fake orgasm scene came on, Jay asked: "Do you think you can do that too?" "Do you want me to try?" "Only if you're feeling like it. I'm not asking you if you've ever faked, though. In the end you have and well, you ..“ „.. I've only had sex with you. ", Bucky finished his sentence dryly, "Have you ever faked? I mean, is that even possible? Don't you notice when it's faked? A male orgasm is pretty obvious!"

"I've done it before, but I don't know if I was convincing. We haven't seen each other again afterwards, he was some bar conquest.” Bucky's head was now in his lap and Jay was playing with his hair. "Don't you want to know what I'm having for you? Not eager to have your present?“ Bucky stopped. "I've thought all of this is my present, dinner you've prepared for me, the flowers and candles ... I think it's wonderful!" The older man's expression became soft: "You are so cute, Bucky, achingly sweet.“ „Thank you ... ", he breathed.

"I don't think I want to know if you can fake an orgasm," Jay laughed now. Bucky grinned broadly: "I'm not in the mood for acting anyway." "What mood are you in?" "In the lying-in-the-lap-of-a-handsome-man-not-wanting-to-be-anywhere-else mood. Do you like that?“ „I very much like that, baby. If it's up to me, you needn't be anywhere else for a while …" He ran his fingers through the silky strands, combing them lovingly for a while and then whispered:

"You have wonderful hair. I love touching it.“ „And I love you touching it. Especially when ... “, he lifted his torso slightly turning his face to Jay's crotch, running his nose along the outside of his pants, blowing hot air through the fabric. Jay's fingers dug a little tighter into his hair. "Baby, I've never met someone who loves giving head like you do – and that being as good at it as you."

"'We're making it part of my birthday present?" Bucky's eyes sparkled up at him and Jay willingly opened his belt and pants, helped a bit, lifted his hips so Bucky could pull them pants down a bit. Jay sighed feeling the boys hot, wet tongue slide along his semi-hard shaft. He closed his eyes leaning back againt the rest. What he'd said was true. Bucky loved giving head and he was pretty skilled...

After orgasm, Bucky licked him clean for a long time, just like a kitten, and he was almost purring doing so. "Hap-happy birthday again," his boyfriend whispered. "Thanks for this part of my present," Bucky murmured, helping Jay back into his clothes after a last peck to the tip of his softened dick. "Been an extraordinary pleasure for me. The movie is about to end, what do you want to do afterwards?” Bucky leaned back against the couch twisting his wine glass in his fingers thoughtfully. "Do you think the movie's right?" "What?" Jay laughed. "Well, can you be friends with someone you're attracted to?"

The older man sat up: "How do you come up with this right now?" "Uh, we've just watched the movie, what do you think?" "We haven't really watched the movie. But I can say on my part, I think a couple of my friends are attractive without having to drag them to the bedroom. I mean friendship is one thing and sex is another. Don't mix up..." "What about friends with benefits?" Jay laughed dryly. "Those who say so don't dare to call a thing by its name. They're having a relationship, don't you think? "

"Hm, maybe you're right. Do you really have a present for me?”, Bucky changed the topic apruptly. "Of course. It's your birthday.” Jay got up and took a small nicely wrapped parcel from a drawer, handed it to Bucky. "I hope you like it." He removed the wrapping paper finding a jewelry box. He was a little startled, but it didn't say 'Cartier' or 'Tiffany's' on it. Maybe he wasn't holding thousands of dollars in his hands. He bravely opened the lid finding a key. He looked up at his friend in confusion.

"It is only symbolic. You know I have a code lock on my apartment door. The code is engraved, so please handle the key carefully, don't leave it lying around and maybe not carry it with you when you come here because ...” Jay's voice died at the expression on Bucky's face. He looked horrified! "Oh. You don't like it.“, He eyed the younger one, a bit cool now. "I don't know what to say, I ..." "You don't have to say anything. _Jeez_ , Bucky, it's not an engagement ring. Just the code for my apartment. "

"That's ... big somehow." "Yeah, may be." He sounded gruff. "Jay ..." "You've told me how unhappy you sometimes are at home and I've thought you might wanna find some refuge. In addition, you are now of legal age, you can decide where you want to live ... ", Jay suddenly looked as if he was annoyed with himself for saying that. And Bucky? Symbolically, all the puzzle pieces fell into the correct position. Jay had fallen in love with him! He became cold ...

(2020)

"Bucky!" Steve gasped. "Nice shit, what?" " _Gosh_. But you've thought if that happened then you could ... I'm lost here right now and don't get it.“ „Steve!" Bucky exclaimed excitedly, „everything I've thought would happen, everything I've believed what I've been wishing for was wrong! Suddenly I've only been afraid, simply terrifying scared, downright in panic!” Steve stared at him. He went on: “In an instant I've thought: 'No! I don't want that, I love Steve! I can only love Steve!“ „Oh, Bucky ... ”, Steve was shaken by the pain and guilt on Bucky's face.

(2019)

"No. No, no, no! ”, Bucky had jumped up, getting all defensive: "You're not meaning it! You've treated me like shit, like some cute little thing to play with! Remember your fabulous party on the crappy yacht! Oh how you've made yourself up, drugging me and then enjoyed how I've made a slut out of me in front of your drunk friends! And now I'm supposed to believe you ..."

"BUCKY!" Jay interrupted him violently. He fell silent. "Fancy me showing you the pictures and videos? How turned on you've been? How you've gotten off from my hand through your fucking pants?“ „You've given me drugs!“ „You've wanted that. You've always wanted me to!” They were both on their feet now, facing each other, glaring. "Because you've never managed to prepare me, never done it right!" "That ... that's a damn joke, right? I've felt like working on you forever and you've been still as tight as a damn nun! ”

"Jay ...", the tone was defiant, "you're digging yourself a hole right now. Who is to blame if the other one's not having fun?“ „How do you child want to know? You've been a damn virgin!“ „You've liked it, right? Being the first!"

"Yes ..." Jay said unwantedly, "Look, I've met so many men in the scene, men with experience and almost all of them are show-offs. Boosting themselves with long lists of ex-lovers and then there was you. With a Dostoevsky quote. You've been so shy and excited the first time. This was like a whole new world to me. I've thought there would be an end some day to you not being able to open up to me... but there hasn't been an end, I've had to give you poppers and weed and E's ... And I've always hoped we wouldn't need it anymore soon and how I've fought against nyself all the time, against my feelings for you. I've fought so much! Successful for a while.."

Bucky listened to him breathlessly. "But ... looks like I've lost a war here after some won battles." "J-jay ..." Bucky gasped out, not wanting to hear anymore from this, "There's someone I can't let go. I love him!“ The following dead silence rang louder in Bucky's ears than harsh words could have done. Jay narrowed his eyes hissing, "What have you said?" Bucky shrugged. "I love someone else! All the time, before I've known you, I've only ever loved him, always him, the only one!“ They faced each other, the older man's hands clenched into fists, he was shaking his head slowly as if stunned.

"All the time ..." he said very quietly. "Someone who doesn't want you, I suppose, why else should you ... huh", the snort at the end of the half-sentence was contemptuous. "Who is it? A teacher of yours? Your soccer coach? Don't say now, the Prince of Zamunda or some other milksop from school!” Jay sneered. "Shut up!" Bucky hissed angrily, trembling. "Go ahead, just say ..." Jay got aware, "the boy scout from summer camp. The son of Tony _fucking_ Stark. _Steve_ , isn't it? Well, he must have a yacht too, maybe you should give some show like on Valentine's Day, Sweetheart.“ „ Jay", Bucky warned.

"How he'd think about you licking someone's boots clean for a little bit of sex. I could send you the videos. You can pass them on.“ „Stop it. “, Bucky was pale and as if paralyzed. The older man pulled out his phone selecting a file. Bucky's voice filled the room, begging for more, breathing heavily around little desperate moans, laughing and cheering in the background. "But be careful, angel, when you're sending him pornographic content. As long as he's under 18, you 're going to be punished. Then maybe omnipotent Daddy Stark's coming to _correct_ you. Bet, _he's_ having a nice large paddle with holes in it. A little slut like you would like that, wouldn't you? ”

Something tore in two in Bucky, and with an angry, shrill screech he threw himself at the older man, trying to scratch his eyes out. But he had expected the attack, maybe even provoked it. He hadn't gotten more than two scratches on his chin until he'd brought Bucky into his grip after a brawl which had both of them knocked to the ground, even though he struggled wildly and fiercely. Bucky was caught on his stomach between the floor and the man who got 15 kilos on him. They were breathing heavily.

"So far there has only been some other context in this position between us, Sweetheart, don't you agree?" Jay's voice was rough and heavy. He had painfully bent Bucky's right arm up between them. "I don't want to hurt you, do you stop fighting back now?" Bucky remained silent, fidgeting again. Jay pulled his arm up a little more until he gasped in pain. "I'm letting you go now, then we're gonna talk. You're not attacking me again, understand?“ „Pfff. Sure shit!“ Bucky snorted. The older man's free hand shot up, grabbing Bucky's hair and he pulled his head backwards violently.

“Now listen to me very carefully, you little shit. Very bad move you've pulled on me. If I had known I'm only your rebound guy, I would not have wasted so much time on you. Shitty boring evenings I had to sit around at home to watch you doing your fucking homework. What a waste of time and resources. You owe me something for that, don't you think?” Bucky swallowed hard, defiantly holding back the tears burning behind his eyelids. Jay shook Bucky by the head: "I've asked you something!"

Tears were now overflowing, the burning and pulling on his scalp had become too much. Bucky brought his free hand to Jay's in his hair, carefully felt for it and whispered: "T-tinkerbell! P-please let go of my hair.“ „Your safe word? Are we having sex?“ „P-please …" After a few more long seconds, Jay loosened his painful grip. “Someone's found his good manners again. And since you've asked so nicely even saying 'please' like a good boy...", he finally let go and Bucky took a deep breath of relief making him cough. But the regained freedom of his head didn't change his position and the almost crippling painfully bent arm.

"You still haven't answered me. How do you intend to compensate my wasted time with you?” And that was when Bucky became aware for the first time he was in a serious danger. Jay had changed from a bored, somewhat capricious, manipulative, vain upper-class snob to a deeply hurt, capable of God-knows-what, cruel man who believed he couldn't lose anything anymore, thought he could take what he wanted. Bucky strong-willed repressed the budding panic which would paralyze his ability to act and thought quickly. Then he had an idea. And wasn't he some good actor?

"J-jay ... I'm sorry ... I should have told you, but ... d-don't you understand ...?" He brought in a little sob for the effect. "Y-you definitely don't want to see me again after this evening, I understand. B-but ... maybe we could... one last time …" Jay was silent for a moment, then released Bucky's arm a bit. "Aaaah, those are much more appropriate tones you're striking there. You little slut are still doing everything for a little bit of sex ... I've known that for sure."

(2020)

"Bucky!" Steve gasped. "I know what you're thinking. But let me tell you, you're going to understand. "

(2019)

Bucky would only have one chance, and that had to fit. Jay made a little more space between their bodies, finally released Bucky's arm telling him to turn around. Bucky turned on his back and struggled to keep his fear and his hatred out of his expression. He absently rubbed his aching arm and wrist.

"Oh poor baby. Would you only have been sensible earlier, don't you think?" Bucky lowered his eyelids, licked his lips and breathed: "Get me to your bedroom." At that his future ex snorted amused: "My little high school slut, always horny, so needy.“ This set up an angry fire in Bucky's stomach, but a cold one, the cold, calculating one of revenge. The older one got up, holding out his hands to Bucky to pull him up.

"Do you want a kiss, baby? That would be pretty generous of me, don't you think so?” Jay meanwhile was only about to torture Bucky, to punish him for his hurt pride, for the insult he had inflicted on him. This strengthened his back to prepare himself for what he was planning on ... "You know?" Jay continued, "maybe I'm actually kissing you, I know how much you like it. But I think I have no desire to work on you for hours ...", he went to a sideboard, got a bag of pills from a drawer, fished one out pounding it in some mortar stirring the grated Ecstasy into the rest in Bucky's wine glass. He brought both glasses mocking his soon-to-be ex-boyfriend:

"To good old days and a nice little farewell fuck. You'd better be starting to relax quite soon. I'm not too fond of the idea wasting another huge amount of time on you.“ The implied threat was making Bucky cold with hatred. They emptied their glasses and Jay bowed contemptuously: "After you, Sweetheart." Bucky walked up to the bedroom in front of him and in the doorframe he took courage, turned around at lightning speed, jerking up his knee and ... didn't hit right. The older man hadn't trusted Bucky any further than he could have thrown a piano and he had good reflexes. Bucky's kneecap only hit his hip bone and that almost hurt him more than his target.

"Have you thought so," Jay cried out, grabbing his hair, catching a thick tuft banging his head against the wall next to the door frame faster than Bucky could figure. He was seeing stars - entire galaxies, the skin on his eyebrow cracked and warm blood instantly poured over his face. Bucky dropped to his knees, blackened out a bit, and then there was a violent, blinding pain - Jay kicked his ribs and immediately a second time agan - all air escaped from his lungs and he felt like he was going to pass out. Only sheer fear of death keeping him there and now.

"PLEASE!", He screamed in panic, "Please stop it!" Suddenly he felt his upper arm being grabbed and how he was dragged across the floor, heard a door open finding himself in the hallway of the apartment building after the bang of a closing door. Without shoes and socks, without his jacket, without his phone and wallet, without his keys. Weak and desperate and crumpled in pain, he curled up into a ball. If he died now, he wouldn't care. Maybe he should knock on Jay's door and ask him to let him back in and just finish him off... Then he had to cry desparately...

(2020)

Steve's eyes were in tears. "This is all my fault." Bucky sighed, "I've known you'd say that and you know this is nonsense. _Bullshit._ Now you know what I've done," he snorted, „not even everything, but you're having a good overview. I've deserved all of it. You're not responsible for my lack of judgment and my stupidity.“ „Nobody deserves this kind of cruelty." Bucky didn't have anything to say to that. "Why have you called me? Exactly me? We haven't been very close at the time after all...“

(2019)

After a few minutes the door next to him opened. His ex threw his things out to him without a word. Bucky, half blind with tears (and blood. So much blood!) put on socks, shoes and jacket, checked his pockets. Wallet, cell phone and keys, everything was there. Then he stumbled to the elevator getting to the ground floor. He was meeting nobody. The foyer guard for home security was only vigilant of people coming in, not people leaving - luckily for Bucky - and he could leave the building unmolested.

He got into his Pick-Up, which was further down the street, turning the rearview mirror so he could observe himself properly ... His heart sank into his pants. He looked terrible, covered in blood, it was still seeping out of the gaping wound over his eyebrow, it was already partially drying and turning a rusty red. Catching any cop's eye, he would be pulled out of traffic immediately and then ... Police station, drug test, ecstasy, gay domestic violence ...

He'd be done! In addition, his ribs were aching with every breath, driving would be a pain in his ass! _Steve_ ... some voice whispered inside his head. _Call him, he's having your back_ "Nothing doing!" He said out loud. What would he be supposed to tell Steve? The truth? Bucky laughed dryly and very sadly. _Yes, of course!_ But what other option did he have? Shuri? Horror immediately seized him. Shuri was just 15 years old! No 15-year-old should be involved in such a story of drugs, sex, violence and near-rape ... Only option left was...

_Steve ..._

(2020)

"I'm glad you've called me. Of course it was terrible and shocked and scared me but ... I'm never gonna forget the way you've told me you ... were missing me, wanted to hang out with me again. I've finally had you back in my life."

"Steve ... I'm _yours_. If I were to die right now, I would be yours. Forget me. Forget me and then love me again like you do now. Forget me and then come back to me."

"Bucky ..." Steve gasped after a few seconds of silence. He of course had known the poem from his advanced English class, but he'd never guessed Bucky who actually hated poetry to learn some verse by heart for him. "I will always love you and I'm always coming back for you and ..." "Happy Valentine, Steven." He was too moved to answer, holding out his arms and Bucky let himself sink, to his boyfreind's chest. "I love you ..." Bucky sighed barely audibly, but Steve happily closed his eyes wrapping his arms more tightly around Bucky ...

Their first Valentine's Day was about to end in a quite lovely mood yet. Lots of tenderness and full of love and passion with whispered nothings, intimate love confessions, fervent oaths to ever and forever love each other and later wordlessly articulated testimonies of lust, desire and deep pleasure ...


	69. A First Serious Argument

**A First Serious Argument**

In an instant, Steve and Bucky had been a couple for almost six months. And Steve was still strongly determined to go to the army with his boyfriend. Sometimes he was even offended by Bucky trying so hard to talk him out of it. They had been bickering with each other a few times because of this, but almost always one of them couldn't keep his hands off the other and the argument dissolved in a cloud of love, hungry kisses, greedily wandering hands and uninhibited sex.

When Tony said something around that to Steve at the beginning of their relationship, to be remembering there was a toddler in their house, he laughed a little at his father. "Seriously, Dad, and that from you? Do you remember the day Peter moved to the nursery back then?” Tony turned bright red. _If_ he remembered ... Peter had started speaking at the age of a few months and had been learning new words every day.

One morning at breakfast he said something so inappropriate everyone knew immediately where and at what the little boy had heard it. Pepper grew pale, Steve a deep red, Loki artfully rolled his eyes, while Thor's laughed was bringing tears to his eyes. Tony prayed this word would quickly disappear from Peter's vocabulary again. He also wished Pepper would never use it again. After hearing it in his son's cute baby voice, he wanted to erase it from the face of the world. Pepper had banished Peter to the nursery from that day onwards.

"Sorry dad." Tony shook his head, smiling a bit wryly. "Yes, yes." "I promise you, we're taking care around Peter."

And he kept his word. Bucky and he were healthy young men, and accordingly often they wanted to be doing it, and of course they did so! But Steve's siblings including himself had "caught" their parents more than once in actions that weren't quite educational for all ages, but no one ever caught Steve and his boyfriend ...

One time their dispute over the topic 'army' had become very serious without ending in an outbreak of love and joy ...

A week before spring break, Steve had waited for Bucky in the Stark entrance hall, bubbling with excitement. "Come on, quickly. I have a surprise!“, With that he pulled Bucky up to his room and to his desk. It was completely cleared apart from a few small cardboard pieces. The day before, a million of Steve's school papers had been spread out on this desk. They were preparing for their final exams. Bucky's school papers were untouched in their neat piles on the coffee table from the previous day.

"Where's all your school's stuff?" Bucky slipped his messenger bag off his shoulder. It was packed with his laptop, books and other papers. "I've packed them away. For my surprise.“ Bucky frowned, taking a closer look at the cards on the desk. There were two three-day passes for Disney World and two tickets for Kennedy Space Center. "Steve ... what does that mean?" Bucky asked flatly. "Your Nana's invited us, you don't remenber? It's going to be awesome! Disney World and Space Center! I'm so happy!” Bucky stared at his boyfriend clearing his throat:

"We're having exams next month. We don't have the time for this!“ „But Bucky ... We have already been studying so much and deserved this break! Besides, our grades aren't that important after all. We're going to the army.” Bucky swallowed, forcing himself to take a deep breath. He clenched his hands into fists closing his eyes. "Right, isn't it, Bucky?" Steve asked, somewhat unsettled. He had imagined this to be very different when ordering the tickets online ...

"Why haven't you asked me in the first place?" Bucky gathered his courage and how Steve's shoulders slumped when he asked this question was hurting his soul. "I've wanted to surprise you. Disney World and Space Center! Those are the two best things in the world for you!” Bucky sat down a little weakly on Steve's desk chair. "But the final exams ..." "We're going to pass. Whether with A's or B's or C's doesn't matter anymore. We're enrolling in the army in July, for which a 'passed' is enough. "

"Oh, Steve ..." groaned Bucky, "I can't believe this..." Steve looked hurt and a little defiant. "What? We've gone through this so many times, you don't change my mind.“ „Damn, yes, I know that. Damn it, and how very well I know that!“ „What do you mean? You've given in on me!“ „And what choices have you left me with that, after all? Which fucking choices, Steven?” The two of them were glaring at each other with Steve now standing right in front of Bucky, with his arms folded, chin stuck out and a determined glow in his eyes. Bucky sighed suppressed ...

"Bucky. We have spoken about it many times. You don't want us to be seperated any more than I do. Don't you want to be with me? You do want to!” _Unfair tackling ._.. Bucky thought. He took a deep breath: "Steve ..." "Say you want it." "I want it, but …" „Are you at least a little happy?“, That came across rather harshly. Bucky snorted angrily. “You're not going to like that now, but: I'm definitely not going on a vacation during spring break. I have to study and this is my last word."

"Bucky! Do you actually know how much money I've spent on it?“ „The prices are printed on and I'm capable of reading, so: yes.“ „And have you done the maths? Almost one thousand dollars! And now I'm supposed to just throw them to the gutters ...” Bucky interrupted him and his eyes were glittering dangerously. "Are you out of your mind, Steve? You're quite an asshole right now!“ „Wha-at?“ he cried out. "Bucky! We have to go! Just imagine! How fantastic this is gonna be and once we're in the army ... Well, there’s not so much fun for us ahead anymore ... Why don’t you understand ... "

"STEVE!" Bucky shouted silencing his boyfriend. He nervously noticed Bucky's hands clenched into fists and his flashing eyes. "Why don't _you_ understand, Steve? If someday a hand or a foot or an eye is shot away from me? What's going to happen when I'm now carelessly throwing away my options? What? Have you ever thought about that?“ „I have. Often enough, because you have used this in every argument around this since.“ „And fruitless so, it seems.“ „It won't happen, either."

"Have you ever met an invalid veteran in your life, Steve?" He kept silent, stubbornly. "Me, I have. Several times. This is inevitable when you're coming from a family like mine. And all of them without a proper school education are living from welfare. Everyone, without any exception. I'm not going to join the army without the best possible worst case options. You have to understand that.“ „I understand your concerns, but we are in the same boat! I'm going to the army with you and if something's happening to me, then ... then ... I'm there for you in case of an emergency. Do you think I'm letting you down when in need of support? Just like you would do for me!"

"If you're in need of an alternative, you’ll hardly need _my_ support, Steven _Stark_.” Steve made an unwilling head movement. "Don't be like that, baby. We are a couple! What belongs to me belongs to you, too. If you ever need a second education, I can pay for it.” Bucky jumped up. "No! Damn it, _no!_ Steve, I don't believe you're trying this again. I don't want your money, I don't want one damn cent from you! Why don't you understand this? I could no longer look at myself in the mirror after taking some! Listen: this will never happen, do you hear me? No way! You and me, that's something without your money. It's like this or not at all, you understand? "

"Bucky!", Steve sounded indignant, "but this cannot apply to emergencies. I mean, if you had to depend on it, you'd have to take it!” Bucky shook his head wildly. "No no no, never. Never. Got it? How often do I have to get this clear yet? And one more thing: you are going to get sensible, now and for all. You're not going to the army. After all, you don't have to, Steve, and now we're going to sit down studying. You're going to apply at Columbia and we're going to get a grip on a long-distance relationship.“ „Have you gotten mad?” Steve called out flabbergasted. Bucky hadn't opposed Steve's decision for so long and the times he did with so much passion and determent regarding this matters, Steve had thought to be long gone.

"No. I've just realized today you haven't internalized the realities of the U.S. Army in the slightest, so I'm not going to let you join them. We're downloading the Columbia application now and we're studying for our damn exams." Steve stared at him with an open mouth, then he started, making him self tall and broad, saying, "I'm not going to let you order me around like this. This has been decided long since. Our plans...“ Bucky interrupted wildly: „ _Your_ plans! Those have never been _our_ plans. NEVER!"

"Why are you talking like that? We've decided on that together. You don't want a long-distance relationship any more than I do. You won't have much vacation in the army and what if they're moving you? Shipping you out? We'll hardly find any time to see each other!“ „And if you're going with me, but they're moving both of us to different places, the chance we can be seeing each other is _zero._ I've changed my mind. You're staying here. Download the matriculation documents from Columbia, now.“, Bucky looked Steve in the eye, him holding his gaze bravely. "No." Bucky howled out in frustration.

"Steve! Don't be so childish and so stubborn and so willful ... argh, just so damn _stupid_! You can't ask me to watch you throw your life away! You can't do that!“ „And you can't ask me to let you do this alone. Something you've been afraid to do for so long because you have no choice. Am I supposed to let you go through this alone? If you can do that, I can do, too.“ „You don't understand that at all! You don't know what it means to be in the army! "

"Don't talk to me like you would to a small child. I know it's going to be tough, just basic training's turning men into crybabies. I've read everything about it! I know what I'm getting myself into: the dirt, the sweat, the crappy food, bad-tempered officers letting out their bad mood on me ... I won't let you go there alone.” Bucky shook his head with gritted teeth.

"He's _read_ everything, how very cute." Steve's hands snapped forward, grabbing Bucky's upper arms which made him flinch, giving a little painful sound. "And he's _knowing_ everything there's to know about the army. The hardships and what it's physically demanding. How _very_ cute.“ "Take your hands off me!" Bucky hissed, slapping Steve's arms from below. But since he wasn't serious about his hit, Steve's hands were staying in place like vices. "Certainly, I'm never going to let _you_ go there alone.", with that he let his gaze be wandering over Bucky's lean, somewhat small figure meaningfully.

Bucky read a lot into that gaze making him instantly even angrier, nearly mad. He punched Steve hard on the chest. "Asshole. You know what? When you're having so much fun with the idea of getting your butt shot off, I should be fine. Just do it. But not with me. You're going to mess with the whole barracks within the first week and I'm about to pay for it? No thanks. Come on, sign up if you really want to!” Steve was speechless. He'd let go of Bucky, though he hadn't been impressed by the impact of his blow. "What does that mean, not with you?" „If you're so keen on the army, sign up. And when I know where you're going, I'm going somewhere else."

Steve was staring unbelieving at his boyfriend: "This is absurd! I'm only going to be with you after all! So you are not alone .. I mean ... I can not allow you to be ... ", Steve lost the thread in Bucky's triumphant grin, which was just collapsing. "Steven, what have you been about to say there exactly?" "I don't know what you mean," Steve sounded nervous.

"You've started quite well by admitting you only want to do it because of me and I think, by the way, I have a very strong say in this. What I let you do for me or because of me, but more on that later. What can you not allow to be ... what exactly _be done_ to me? You haven't finished your words. Enlighten me, Stevie, go on.” He swallowed nervously, but there was nothing further from him than insincerity or cowardice. "I don't want you to be alone there. Defenselessly surrendered to any form of hostile. “, He was quite proud of his wording. Still, his boyfriend's bright eyes narrowed dangerously:

"Defenselessly?" "Well, you know, because of, well, your sexuality and ... because you ... you're not that ..." Under Bucky's hard gaze, Steve broke off. " _Fuck you!,_ " Bucky gasped out. If steam were to come out of his ears and nostrils at any moment, Steve wouldn't be the least bit surprised. Bucky looked furious! All red in the face, his lower jaw like carved in stone, muscles twitching in his face, clenched fists and tense shoulders.

"Do you want to act up as my _protector_ there? Setting your broad shoulders between everyone and your petite weak boyfriend, beating up anyone who's joking about me and keep a watchful eye on me in the shower rooms? Is that how you're making up our joint military training to be?“ „Bucky, it's not like that, it's grotesque, you describing it like this. You know I would never ... I mean, but you have to admit, maybe you are somewhat ... well, you're looking a bit, uh ... vulnerable ... "

"I'm looking ... _vulnerable?_ What you mean is: I'm looking gay. And weak. And fragile. And what else? Defenseless?", Bucky was glaring at him under lowered eyebrows: Have I forgotten anything?“ „I've never said you were weak." Bucky snorted: "Three out of four, check. Good odds, better than most times in maths. And since we're talking about maths, do you have a bag for me?“ Steve was confused: "What? A bag? What do you need a bag for now?"

"For my papers. I have to get out of here and I have to take my school's stuff with me. I have to study for the exams.” Steve was frozen. "Steve? A bag?“ „Wh-what? No! I mean, you can't just go now!“ „Oh yes, I can. Are you giving me a bag, please? If not, I'm taking my paper stacks just like that, I'm going to get them sorted someway again at home.“ „B-but ... you have to sort them too when putting them in a bag." Steve babbled, he was caught icy cold by the development of events.

Bucky was already stacking his piles of paper. Steve took a step in his direction. "What? Do you want to stop me here, big strong man?“ „Bucky, you have all of that gotten completely wrongt. Come on, leave it be, we can be studying here, together.” Bucky hesitated. "Download the Columbia documents, now, go on." Steve considered briefly, but giving in in the end. "Okay." Bucky let out a long breath turning to Steve, crossing his arms. "I'm waiting." „Okay, okay, I'm doing it."

Steve woke up his StarkBook from sleep mode browsing for the right website. They found out the registration deadline had passed. Bucky swore under his breath. "Bucky. I'm sorry, I hurt you. I haven't wanted to. I was convinced we want the same things.“ „Steve! We _do_ want the same things! We both want us to be together and we want this, _us_ is working. But you want to join the army with me to _protect_ me... really there?” He smiled crookedly, Steve strengthened his back putting his hand on Bucky's forearm:

"Baby, you have to admit you're the perfect target there. I can't imagine what's happening when they're getting aware of...” He wasn't able to get any further, because Bucky jerked off Steve's hand, making a sound characteristic to him when he was really upset: some kind of angry hiss (Which would be giving him the nickname 'kitty' some time later, one of their best-hidden secrets...)

He turned brusquely, wordlessly packing up his stack of papers, finished in a very short time, pressing the pack to his chest and turned to his frozen friend. "B-bucky..." "No, Steven." and with that he rushed past him and out the door. He felt following him would only make things worse sinking down onto the couch behind him to be thinking ...

" _Bucky, I'm sorry, let's talk tomorrow. We're going to agree on a compromise._ "

" _I'm so weak right now, I can't text anymore._ "

" _Don't be such an ass. You know I haven't meant that!_ "

" _Oh ohohoh, I'm so fragile ... stop texting me mean things._ "

"Jerk."

Radio silence. _Uh oh .._. That wasn't good, not good at all. Steve made no further attempt to communicate with Bucky, going to school the next day, somewhat worried about how things might be between them now. They had Science the first hour and Bucky was sticking himself to Peggy, always a good strategy to keep Steve away, who was always a little biased with his first girlfriend. She and Bucky were in the back row with him chattering without a break about his repetitions until Peggy interrupted him, annoyed:

"Why are you talking a blue streak, Bucky? This early in the morning. The best thing about you has always been that you can be perfectly silent before ten o'clock. So what's going on? Rain clouds in the blue sky or what?“ „I _can_ be silent.” Bucky countered with offended dignity. Peggy laughed: "Oh stop it, keep talking if it's helping you. Have you actually get proof of the dysfunctionality of unnatural numbers in our homework?” Bucky glowered at her:

"I'd rather be silent." "I haven't gotten it either." "Wow, are you saying there's still hope?" "Hope for what?" "Hope, I'm not just some brainless idiot with a pretty face.", he smirked. Peggy eyed him coolly. "Today isn't even the thing about your pretty face safe. Haven't you slept or what?” Bucky didn't say another word before ten o'clock and Peggy was actually quite content about that. She wasn't a morning person either ...

In the first break, Steve had no time to intercept his boyfriend, who had to go to the media center for Drama and himself had to head to the different direction for Latin. Both of them got their advanced classes through badly today and when they were having free work time in the library, Bucky hid behind a castle of maths books trying out about the darned proof one last time. Steve was a few tables down with a nasty translation, but couldn't concentrate. Again and again he looked over at Bucky feverishly wondering how he could regain his attention and at best also his grace ...

He finally got a sheet of paper out of his backpack starting to sketch wildly. When he was satisfied with his work a few minutes later, he folded it carefully, casually passed Bucky's table, dropping the small pack of paper onto his creepy maths formula sheet. Bucky pushed the package aside, but looking at it every other second, as it seemed. Finally he took it unfolding the little message. It was a roughly, but artfully sketched X-Wing fighter pulling a banner behind. It said: "Please be good with me again. I love you."

Steve had hit the mark. That was the third X-Wing drawing he gave Bucky and it had become a kind of code for: 'you're meaning so much to me, this is important'. Bucky looked up and right into Steve's eyes, which had watched him excited letting his translation be translation ... Love struck Bucky like an electric shock, like lightning ... He packed up his stuff, putting the books back in their places on the shelves and pulled out his cell phone when leaving the library.

"Beneath auditorium's stands in 10 minutes"

Steve was finishing some paragraph, judging his translation rather poor, shrugged it into his backpack, cleaned up his desk, and strolled out of the library. In the auditorium, he looked around, found he was alone. He opened the small maintenance door on the side of the extendable grandstand. He and Bucky were meeting here from time to time and he tapped the flashlight app on his phone. When he bent down to wriggle in under the bars on the sides, he found it wasn't as dark as usual under the rows of seats. At the back of the wall he could stand up comfortably and he looked around with his mouth open.

Bucky had to have the BARF projector with him and had obviously set it to the simplest mode: disco ball. Lights were dancing lazily around the room bathing everything in a warm glow. He found the way to the spot easily where Bucky usually set up a couple of blankets and seat cushions for them: He walked it so often, knowing where to bend and where to lift his feet. At first he was worried a short circuit fault or something like that would cause the grandstand to retract and they would be trapped underneath!

Bucky had laughed at him, told him he had seen too many bad high school horror movies showing him the school regulations online, which said in all school halls and sports halls, the extendable stands had to have a built-in emergency stop if there was an obstacle underneath and yes, Steve's massive body would undoubtedly be rated 'obstacle' ... Steve recognized the soft music halfway there. 'A Whole New World' from 'Aladdin'. When he got to Bucky, he was on a thick pillow, a second one was leaning against the wall as a backrest. Two more were lying next to him – for Steve - and in front of him, at his feet the BARF projector. Steve also built himself some 'chair' and settled on it.

"Are you talking to me again?" Bucky put a finger on his lips, looking at him imploringly, raised the index finger of his other hand singing softly with Jasmine:

"Unbelievable sights

Indescribable feeling

Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

Through an endless diamond sky "

Then he leaned over to Steve to press his lips to his mouth. After the kiss, Steve laughed softly: "Does that mean 'yes' or 'no'?" Bucky started singing along with:

"I'm like a shooting star

I've come so far

I can't go back to where I used to be."

Then he put his forehead against Steve. "I need you, Stevie ..." he whispered, "like the air to breathe." "I need you t..." Again Bucky put his finger on Steve's lips. "Shh ... If I can't stop you from following me, then maybe it's fate. Only you can end this, I could never! So I'm asking you to think it over again carefully, only one last time, do it for me, will you?“ „I _have_ thoroughly ...“ „Promise me, one last time, think about it one last time. Please, Stevie, for me.” Bucky's voice was tearful trembling a bit. "Bucky ..." Steve sighed putting his arms around him tightly.

"I'm _scared_ , Steve! I want to spare you from all of this. Keep ugliness and danger and dirt and all that away from you. But if you decide not to let yourself be kept away, then ... then …" Bucky swallowed hard, "I won't push you away from me, I _can't_ push you away from me! Then I just have to take care of you, look after you.“, He choked on this last few words. "We both can be doing this for each other. Together ..." "Promise me!", His voice was desperate and Steve couldn't help but mumble "I promise ..." into Bucky's hair. A little sob found his way up from his throat. "Swear to me." "I swear to you."

"You're rethinking everything I told you about and before you have thought it over, you're studying with me for the exams." Steve hesitated. "Steve!" "Yes." "Good. We're going to the most damn expensive school in the world, do you want to mess this up with a mediocre graduation?“ „Um“ „I've expected more ambition from you, really much so. B's or even – I must've misheard you the other day - C's!", Bucky clicked his tongue disapprovingly, "I want to burst with pride when my boyfriend's climbing off the podium with his certificate and with an award for outstanding performance. Don't let me down, Stevie."

Steve laughed at Bucky's vehemence and zeal. "I'm gotta be good, you're such a show off!" "Yes, aren't I? I've got such an awesome boyfriend. Look at all of him: he is tall and his body's making Greek gods pale with envy and he has golden hair and eyes like the summer sky and he is also smart! He's writing essays for which James Joyce, Charles Dickens and Oscar Wilde are sitting up with interest in their graves. The latter would have also been very flustered from his broad shoulders, but that's gossip and doesn't belong here. He's also making the Indian Wars the hottest action cracker in American history. My boyfriend is the absolute top notch keeper material!” Steve smirked playing along:

"Pfff, haven't you seen mine yet? He is the prettiest boy in the whole school. He is the winter ball king and he is the celebrated idolized shooting star of the Event Planning class! Every party he's organzing inspires hundreds and when he's on stage he amazes everyone, making them laugh or, if he wants to, cry, and whoever doesn't want him wants to _be_ like him! And he has the longest, prettiest legs you can imagine. His hair would make every Hollywood star jealous and he's got eyes like the sky above the sea on a stormy day. And he's so smart! If CIA knew what he's capable of doing with a computer, I would have to lock him away so they couldn't be stealing him from me. My boyfriend is the best in the whole world, yours only sub-standard goods!"

Bucky laughed, his eyes were a little wet. "But your boyfriend is not as brave as mine. My boyfriend would take on the whole world!“ „And mine takes on me and that makes him the toughest and bravest of all." Bucky was speechless. Staring at Steve with huge eyes, he swallowed. Steve cleared his throat ... "Bucky. I'm serious. You're outstandingly sweet and lovely with me, but when I ... well, you can stand up to me when it matters. "

Before Steve knew it, he found himself in a passionate hug and a wild kiss. Bucky was on him, above him and around him (how he did that all at the same time, was always a mystery to Steve, in fact it just felt like this: his sweetheart and his love surrounding him, consuming him, he was the happiest boy in the whole world....) Steve was seeing sparkles behind his closed lids, resembling those Bucky had thrown to the ceiling of the space under the stands with BARF techology. As if by themselves his hands were searching for access to Buckys skin automatically, there it was: warm soft silky skin under his fingertips. He digged in into the firm muscles of his shoulders, the vulnarable softness of Buckys stomach,finding his way to the curve of his ass, small tight, perfectly round buttocks to press into. Bucky groaned into his mouth, his hips finding the center of Steve's body and in his head (not only there) hot, irrepressible desire exploded. During free work. Under the auditorium's stands. At school...

Suddenly an outcry brought them back to here and now.

"What's going on in here?" a roaring voice from maintenance door. Heimdall! John Highmore, the almighty caretaker of Sanctuary High. All the students called him after the all-seeing god of Norse mythology because, as is well known, he saw everything. No matter where he was, it seemed. Bucky and Steve had jerked apart and the former had kicked the BARF projector so it was cut off from the power bank. It got pitch black in an instant, except for the twitching light from Heimdall's flashlight.

Bucky pushed Steve flat onto the floor, pulled some fabric, probably a blanket, over both of them hissing barely audibly: "Stay still and no sound." Steve obeyed. That was one of those situations where he blindly trusted his boyfriend. Heimdall's flashlight searched for a few more minutes into the spacious room under the grandstand, but the man himself did not penetrate very far through the thick jungle of steel rods, giving up soon, apparently thinking the lights to be some technical fault. Finally he resumed his day's work. When they could hear no more noises of any kind from the auditorium, Bucky threw the covers off them turning on the light on his phone. They looked at each other, bursted out giggling.

"Dude!" "Gee, ten minutes later, and Heimdall would have caught us having sex!" "Well, then the 'all-seeing' would at least have seen something nice." "And he would have been _so_ happy, count on it." They were shaking with laughter. "You've seduced me, at school." Steve tried an accusing tone, but had to grin too much. Bucky snorted: "Your hands've been down my pants first." "I can bring them back there, may I?" Steve laughed. His boyfriend looked him in the eye suddenly bursting out: "I love you." Steve's laugh died away because he had to swallow from Bucky's seriousness. " _Oh_ ... I ... I love you too. And: I know.“ „I know that you know.“ „Uh, is that bad?“ „Of course not, punk!“

"Are you hungry? We're having lunch break.“, Bucky looked at Steve questioningly. "I _am_ hungry, baby." Bucky raised his eyebrows. "No. No, no, Stevie, no. I'm not having sex with you at school!“ „But ... Heimdall's definitely not coming back and we are all alone here and ...“ „Pah!" Bucky snorted, "we're having lunch break and we are guaranteed to not be the only ones coming here for kissing. Do you want to be caught by QuarterHead MacIntosh and Barbie?" Steve looked at him with the proverbial horror breathing silently: "I'd like to grab a bite, what about you?“ „Me too, come on."

When they came to the maintenance door, they found themselves facing a couple from Sophomore, staring in shock as if they had just had heart attacks. "I can recommend the location, my sweethearts. Keep an eye on the steel struts just above the ground and retract your heads. Cell phone lamp on. Safety first.”, Bucky smiled kindly at the kids circling them with Steve by his hand. The two made huge eyes and the girl suddenly looked completely overwhelmed. The boy pulled her through the door and Steve and Bucky heard they were starting to whisper like crazy in there.

"And you've ruined a relationship again," Steve sighed. "What?" Bucky lauhged, "what are you talking about?" "The girl's just been struck by lightning." "Oh, nonsense, she's come here to be kissing, she's kissing now." Steve shook his head, smiling: "You're really not aware...“ „Aware of what?" They were on their way to the cafeteria. "You are adorable and irresistible and a nice smile and a few sweet words from you are enough to have a crush immediately." Bucky laughed:

"Of course I'm aware! I've practised a lot after all.“ he winked, „This is my superhero power! But, Stevie, t'is just so fleeting and insignificant…" Steve thought for a moment: "Not with me“ „Punk. As if I don't know. Two years up to the point 'I slowly realize something' is nothing one would call 'fleeting'.“ „I've been so stupid“ „Yes, you have!“ „Hey!“ „Ach, don't be mad, Stevie! Let's see what's left from school lunch at the cafeteria that late into the break."


	70. One last Try

**One last Try**

Steve kept his word. He was studying with Bucky for hours every afternoon and he thought the topic of discussion through thoroughly, but nothing could stop him from not wanting to be separated from his boyfriend so he feverishly considered how to explain this to Bucky understandably...With a heavy heart, Bucky requested registration papers for the army and Steve did the same. Bucky wasn't angry with him because Steve's arguments were reasonable. If they decided to go to Tennesse together, they should register on the same day. In return, Steve had to apply for the following semester at Columbia, Bucky insisted.

Both received mail in May, shortly before they'd graduate from high school.

" _Hey baby, have your papers come too?_ "

" _Yes, and feedback from Columbia._ "

" _What's in it_?"

" _They're offering me a college place._ "

" _Accept and burn the papers of the fucking US Army!_ "

Steve rolled his eyes, latest Bucky had stopped pushing him to make a decision. Apparantly he was just about to do it again.

" _You know, I'm still thinking._ "

" _You oughta slowly come up with something sensible._ "

" _Do you want Thai?_ "

" _Nice transition. Bring the letter from Columbia. I want to hold something like this in my own hands imagining my name on it._ "

" _So Thai and something that makes you sad, awesome!_ "

" _You forget you bring yourself, too, so to speak. That’s going to make up. Also: Thai !!! :p_ "

Steve took a shower after his workout and went to the Barnes' around noon. Bucky's father was in Florida. They'd settled with their food on the floor in Bucky's room. The fateful papers were - not yet signed - on his desk. Bucky held out his hand to Steve asking him to give him the letter from Columbia. Steve took the hard envelope out of his backpack handing it to Bucky with a contrite look.

He read through the letter long and thoroughly, once, twice, the second time his eyes got a little wet and he pulled his lower lip between his teeth. Steve was watching him very uncomfortably the whole time. When he finished the second time, he looked up at Steve: "I'm so proud of you, baby. Please go there.” Steve smiled wryly. "I'm afraid I can't do so without you." „For millions of people our age, including myself, This is the absolute dream right here in my hands and your name is on it!“

"But we've made it clear if I made my decision, you would accept it. I have decided. I've already signed my army papers. My dad's in the city, I'm showing them to him tomorrow, he has to sing them, too. I'm not 18 yet.” Bucky was initially startled, but then very relieved, maybe he could change Steve's mind in a last desperate attempt. He shook his head slowly, holding up the letter from the university between them again.

"Columbia, Steve, _fucking_ Columbia's offering you a college place. You can't refuse that!" Steve looked at him hurtly: "You've promised me to not make it difficult for me anymore, Bucky.“ „And you've promised to think it over properly, I'm not going to make it difficult for you, me just want to be sure ...“ „I've thought it over properly, all the time! We've been talking about it since the beginning of the year!“ „And you've never really listened to me, it seems!” Bucky exclaimed. Steve looked indignant:

"Well, that's very unfair. I've listened to you, but I'm also listening to my heart here. And it's telling me to go with you.” Bucky hung his head, quickly bringing the valuable paper to safety before some tear could fall on it. He took a deep breath:

"Steve, I really don't want you to do that. You're going to hate me for it at some point.“ „You keep saying that. But that won't happen, never!” His boyfriend reluctantly looked away. Steve put down his noodles box crouching over to him. Just as he was about to take the letter from university, Bucky said firmly, "So do I really have to break up with you?" Steve froze briefly before chuckling softly.

"I'm still coming with you to win you back again." The letter was finally carelessly placed on the floor next to them by Steve. He leaned on his arms left and right of Bucky, getting his head near him to nibble on his ear. "I'm going to get me another one, in front of your eyes." The defiance in Bucky's voice made the angry line between Steve's eyebrows appear. Grabbing his shoulders, somewhat roughly he hissed: "Good luck with that, James Buchanan Barnes."

Bucky usually set the tone when it came to sex while giving in to Steve on most other things, like how to be spending their free time, what they had for dinner, or what movie they were watching. When it was coming to sexy times, Bucky was the boss usually. But occasionally, when Steve was no longer in control of his emotions, they switched their roles. Bucky was on fire when Steve was like this, so ... untamed. Like right now. He kissed him with a vigor he almost passed out, clinging onto Steve like a dying man, clawing into his clothes, Steve's lips wandered down his jaw, to his neck, sucking marks into it, biting him a bit, close to hurting.

Bucky whimpered, groaning his name and some unintelligible things. Steve's hands slide down his arms to his wrists, gripping them firmly and bent them over Bucky's head, putting both of them into a lying position, Bucky pinned under him. He fidgeted a little. Both felt how aroused the other one was. For minutes, Steve rocked his hips against him as he covered Bucky's neck and collarbone and the crook of his shoulder with kisses and little love bites. Firmer and harder with each minute, Bucky whimpered beneath him. Then Steve paused, drawing a little sob from his boyfriend. "Breaking up, yes?" They stared into each other's eyes. Bucky greedily jerked his body up. Crying out brokenly, he came into his jeans.

Steve was holding onto him close to his warm strong body during his climax, lovingly stroking his tangled hair from his sweaty forehead. When Bucky's breath calmed down again, the younger one questioning raised an eyebrow. "I love you, Steve ..." He breathed. Steve had expected a dirty remark and was startled. "I ... I haven't hurt you, have I?" He gritted his teeth when he noticed the deep red hickeys on Bucky's neck. "No more than I've wanted you to do so." Affectionately, Steve pressed his lips to Bucky's forehead. "I love you too, Bucky. We belong together.“ „Yes, I know. "

Steve slipped off of him pulling his head onto his chest. He played lazily with the silky dark hair, they had gotten quite long lately. Too bad they would fall victim to the scissors in the army. After a few minutes, Bucky got a little restless. "Urgh, I'm so ..." "Sticky?" Steve laughed. "I'm cleaning myself up and then ..." "Then?" "Then we have to study. We still want the damn best degrees of our posh school!” Bucky didn't say a word about Steve's plans for the future anymore. He did not sign his army papers. He had an idea. Some kind of last try ...

*

Steve went downtown in the evening. He had promised his mother to have dinner with her. His dad had this late live cam meeting at half past seven, in Tokyo it was already 8:30 in the morning. He and Bucky were studying all afternoon with the casual love making break at some point... When Steve said goodbye, Bucky also went to town after changing. It was not to be expected his boyfriend would ask his mother to sign the fateful papers, he still had time to put it right ...

*

Tony was done. The heated negotiations in Japanese were always the worst. He checked his watch. 9 p.m. Half an hour ago Rhodey had texted him: “Your spiderling is finally sleeping and I'm done for. Dude, How have you done this for three years? Have my respect!” James Rhodes had retired at 50. His generous pension allowed him to keep his posh New York apartment, but he spent a lot of time with the Starks and had picked up Peter from nursery school today. Tony went to the small office fridge taking out a sandwich.

"Mr Stark, sir, Mr James Barnes wants to talk to you," the voice of his assistant came over the intercom. "Miss Walker, why are you still here, it's after nine!" "Mrs Stark asked me to stay longer in case you needed anything, sir." "I don't want to see you here tomorrow before 2pm, understand? Now go home. And put through the call, please.“ „Sir, Mr. Barnes isn't on the phone, he's here with me…” Tony frowned. "Send Mr. Barnes in and enjoy your well-deserved end of the day, Ms. Walker." "Thank you sir, you too."

The boy was combed properly and he was wearing a dress shirt and a jacket. He had obviously made an effort to look presentable.

"Bucky! I'm not even starting small talk, it's late. I'm wondering about you coming to my office when we're seeing each other several times a week.“ „I'm sorry to bother you that late, now when you're finally finished work, sir, but it's important and can't be postponed.“ „Sit down, please.“Tony Stark was really impressive in his business environment. The expensive suit, the huge modern desk, the exquisitely furnished office, the fantastic view from Stark Tower's top floor... Millions were made here each day and Mr Stark was the center of all of this. Bucky felt small. He was intimidated. Steve could be just that great – a great man ... but only with appropriate education. Bucky swallowed hard.

"I'm begging you, Mr. Stark, don't sign his army registration papers!" The boy threw up his hands in despair. "I don't want this madness at all!" Quieter, almost pleading: "Please, Mr. Stark. I'm begging you, sir.” His voice broke, he hung his head. God, the boy was almost crying!

"Bucky, look at me," Tony said kindly. Oh, not quite _almost_ crying.

"The two of you are giving me my first gray hair, not a lie," he sighed. Bucky looked up at Tony's hair starting on a question Tony had anticipated. "No! They are not dyed yet. Italian genes don't just give dwarfism, but also - on the plus side - late graying.” Bucky choked on a chuckle.

"Boy, what's going on?" Tony asked gently.

"Mr Stark, I've tried everything! Steve is offered by Columbia to go there, that's what he's meant for! He's throwing everything away to ... to be with me. This is totally crazy! I don't want all of that!” Tony took a deep breath hiding the surprise his son had applied to Columbia.

"Well, at your age love comes quickly, with also cooling down quickly. You don't have to be ashamed of that.” Bucky frowned. "It's not like that, sir!" Now Tony frowned. "I love Steve! I've loved him since before I knew what love is!” he cried out passionately. Now Tony was getting aware of the scope of this tragedy. "What have you 'tried' to do?"

"I've talked to him a hundred times, but you know him ... I've even planned on breaking up with him, but ..." Bucky blushed a little. "..But those impressive hickeys on your neck were created after you've tried so," Tony stated dryly. Bucky coughed embarrassed but went on passionately: "I don't want to break up with him, never!" "Yes, I've understood." „Why is Steve like that?”, Bucky hid his face in his hands with shaking shoulders. _Oh no_... Tony got up going around his desk. He put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Shh, kiddo, we're gonna fix it. I'm helping you, everything will be fine."

Bucky gathered and looked up. "There's only one thing left for me to do." Well, that could only be a really drastic measure. "I'm not going." Tony, who knew his military service to be earning college tuitions was the only chance to fulfill his dream. His heart felt heavy. He crouched in front of the boy looking at him intently. "Bucky! If the two of you are staying together, at some point you will have to live with today's decisions. Have to live with them together. Or, if not, eventually ...live with them nethertheless... " Bucky clawed his fingers into Mr Stark's vest out of expensive wool, shaking his head so violently his hair was flying around.

"I'm doing it, I don't care! Steve has to go to Columbia and I'm going to Brooklyn with him, finding me a job and ... and ... " Tony gently released Bucky's hands from his vest. "Bucky ... If you don't go to Tennessee with him now, Steve will do it alone. The boy is stubborn and he is very proud. God, do you really think Steve would give himself away after months to admit this is a stupid idea? He's fought all of us to get his way. He's doing this now. Do you think he's gonna lose his face? He is not, you know him.” Bucky glanced at his boyfriend's father, looking miserable.

"What can I do, Mr. Stark?" His voice was low, sad and somehow small. Tony's heart was bleeding with compassion. He hugged the younger boy. He sobbed against his chest. "What, Mr Stark ...?"

"Go to Tennessee with Steve." Bucky looked up in surprise. "I'm serious! Do that together. The army sucks! That's right, isn't it? You have to cut your pretty hair, having to wear uncomfortable clothes, the horrible food, worse than what Mrs. Stark an me are cooking, and all of that.” Bucky looked confused.

“After basic training, you're suggesting to Steve going back to New York. Steve's attending Columbia and I'm going to finance your college education. _No_! Don't you look so proud and hurt now! You will work for Stark Industries for three years after you've got your degree, for an intern's salary. After you're a free man.” Bucky was speechless. Tony Stark was still on the floor in his luxurious office, holding him, a 19-year-old, in his arms like a child. "Why are you so ... _nice_?" The younger one asked. Tony laughed softly. "Hey! You're saying this as if it was a surprise. I _am_ nice! Honestly...“ „You know what I mean ..." Bucky muttered.

"You know, you poor boy fell in love with a Stark and we're a long line of darned, unbearable pigheaded fellows. Miss Potts was lucky, she can easily compete with a strong stubbornness and assertiveness herself... “, Tony had slipped that out, this _had_ been a long day after all... He pulled his arms back standing up. Bucky also got up.

"Mr Stark ... I don't know how I ..." "All right. Don't make that embarrassing now.” Tony interrupted. "Thank you. Seriously. A thousand thanks!” Tony wasn't looking in his direction. Praising him for his generosity and kindness was always making him very embarrassed. "Can we maybe..." "Yes!" Tony interrupted the boy. "This's better staying among us. Just bring my boy back from the army safely. Then we're quits.” He held out his hand to Bucky. But he just took a brave step forward hugging him tightly ... "I promise, Mr. Stark."

When Tony told his wife later in the evening about the conversation and his ingenious solution, she said to him: "But you really could have thought of that earlier, couldn't you?" Tony was speechless.

Bucky Barnes kept his promise, almost paying for with his life ...

*

Basic training was hard. Hard was no expression at all. _Brutal_. Getting up at half past five, running ten laps around the arena, showering, having breakfast – and even breakfast was awful! What could you do wrong with that? Well, the US Army delivered ... After it was only eight am. A long day of effort, ordeal, discipline and drill lay ahead. The boys gritted their teeth doing their best. They had both always been ambitious in everything they did.

When they fell dead into their camp beds at 9.30 in the evening, they usually just managed to kiss briefly, and one, often enough both of them, fell asleep in an instant. Fortunately, they had been given a two-bed room. Major Barnes was a respected man in the army, Bucky's grandfather General Buchanan Barnes had even been a hero! And Steve's father was Tony _fucking_ Stark! They had been asked if they wanted to share a room, being old school friends.

In the barracks, however, they would never have dared to do more than briefly kiss each other. Gays weren't welcomed in the army, to say the least, and getting caught at on of the puncture checks, which hit all recruits often and at all times during basic training, would have given them a lot of trouble. They stole away for an hour or two in their limited free time. In the afternoon there was a break of 90 minutes each day.

They lacked the rest they both would have needed to recover from their daily workload on the days when sneaking away to make love. They had to go a good distance from the barracks and since basic recruits were not allowed to own a car, each time a three-mile walk was added to the physical exertion of their hanky-panky.

They used their few days off to catch up as much sleep as possible. Life in the army was exactly what Bucky had imagined, after all he came from a family of soldiers. Steve, on the other hand, was stunned by the realities of the glorious US Army. He didn't say anything, of course his pride wasn't allowing, but Bucky knew it anyway and he was happy! Unthinkable if 'army fever' had seized his boyfriend. The "plan" he intended to implement with Steve's father would have exploded!


	71. We're in the Army Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pics of the boys at the end...
> 
> ************************************************************************************************************************

**We're in the Army Now**

(October 2020, towards the end of basic training)

"Anderson, Barnes, Ford, Garner, Miller, Oldman, Stark, Williams! Artillery practise 16 hundred! “, The non-commissioned officer, who was assigned to them as a drill instructor today, barked after the (hideous) lunch in the barrack dining room. Both of them rolled their eyes. Today they had already completed a 20-mile march with storm luggage and had to go through some drill exercise.

"In the navy, come on, protect the mother land ..." Bucky was singing softly. Steve laughed. They went to their quarters taking off their uniforms. They were having a break now and would have to wear the artillery gear for practise. Steve had Bucky have a go at the small sink in their room first. He generously threw a few hands full of water into his face washing his upper body only wearing boxers.

The water ran down his body in streams sparkling. The hard training had made both of them very muscular. Bucky looked chiseled. His steeled but still lean body was some feast for the eyes. Steve sheepishly pulled a sheet over his lap. Bucky carelessly dried himself turning. "Your turn!"

Steve, who was sitting on his cot with the sheet in his lap, had become some extremely built guy, after all he had worked out a lot even before the army. He looked like some hero's marble statue! "Steve ..." the older one whispered choked. He didn't say a word, his slightly opened lips and his eyes, dark with pleasure, spoke volumes. Bucky also saw that he touched himself through the sheet.

"No, Steve ..." but his voice trembled and he couldn't really hide his interest, just in boxers. "Let's get out of here now!" Steve's voice was firm and very deep. Bucky closed his eyes, shivers running down his back. "You want it too!" Steve sounded very close. Bucky opened his eyes and his boyfriend's turned on face was merely inches from his. "God, I'm missing your long hair and the stubble." Bucky's hair was cut very short in accordance with strict military guidelines and, of course, he was shaved smooth.

_But_ ... Resolutely Bucky pushed the younger one away. Steve's hard pectoral muscles under his hands were almost painfully seductive. "We have to rest! Practise on the gun are dangerous, we have to be fully concentrated, you know that!” He cried out almost desperately. Steve replied with a smile: "How should I be able to concentrate when my whole body's hurting with desire and longing?" "Oh, Steve, baby ..." Bucky groaned, suppressed. His boyfriend just knew the buttons too well by now, the buttons he had to press to turn him into a cock-controlled fool.

"You're following in five minutes. Willows Creek.” He hastily put on sports pants, a long-sleeved shirt, socks, shoes and a jacket leaving the barrack. Steve was almost dizzy with want, but he had to hurry. He washed quickly putting on a similarly practical combination.

Willows Creek was a small creek two miles from the barracks. There they had discovered a half-broken but not ruinous small farm tool shed. One of their love nests ... They were making love to each other wildly and passionately, first Steve to Bucky, then Bucky to Steve. They'd just made it to artillery practise ...

*

Tony played with Peter on the carpet in the living hall, building the Stark Tower out of Lego bricks. Rhodey sat on the couch watching them. 'His' MIT prodigy was so happy with his mini prodigy and his whole life and Jim enjoyed that happiness. His oldest friend was the best person on God's green earth and deserved this more than anyone else.

"How's Stevie doing in the army?" „His texts are always very enthusiastic!” Tony grinned. "He's calling Pep once a week and well, flim-flamming his mother ... he's never been _that_ good at that. I tell you, he thinks it's terrible." Rhodey laughed: "Well, first this ... ", he made a gesture encompassing the luxurious living hall, "then a military barrack in Tennesse.“ „The company he's having, makes it up to him, I guess."

"He really loves the boy, doesn't he?" Tony hesitated. He had never told anyone except his wife about having promised Bucky on the floor in his office to fix this before Bucky making that promise to bring Steve back safely. "And Bucky loves Steve even more, I think, if that's possible."

"Mr Stark, sir, private call on Starkphone1, Mr Steven." Jarvis.

'Private call' meant Jarvis wasn't allowed to put the call on loudspeakers, you had to take these kinds of calls personally. Tony went pale noticing Rhodey jump up from the couch, concern on his features. "Take care of Peter!" Tony gasped. "I am a big boy! Uncle Platyputh does not have to take care!“, the little boy called indignantly looking at his father in amazement when he sprinted out of the living hall. He never experienced his daddy not giving an answer.

Steve never called his father. He hadn't done that for a couple of years. He texted him regularly from Tennesse, but he didn't call, it wasn't like that between them. Tony's heart was pounding in his chest with fear and worry. _Private call_!

"Jarvis! Tell Steve I'm right there!“ „I've already informed Mr Steven you are on your way.” The A.I. sounded worried too. Tony ran even faster, StarkPhone1 was in the workshop.

"Steve!" He gasped snatching the phone up to his ear. "Dad!" Steve sobbed. He was sobbing! "Steve, junior, are you okay?" Tony went out of his way to keep the panic out of his voice. "I am okay. Bucky ...”, Steve's voice broke, Tony clutched the phone tighter. "Steve, take a deep breath, come on, honey, you can do it. In and out. In and out.” Tony held his breath until his son finally spoke again:

"Dad, Bucky is badly wounded. And it's my fault! _My fault_!“ „Don't do that, Steve, darling, what's happened?” His son sighed, suffocated. "Artillery practise. A grenade malfunction, some shrapnel...“ „Steve?“ „Bucky, Dad! He's _dying_!” Steve yelled at the other end of the line. Tony thought life would be sucked out of him from those awful words.

"I'm coming, boy, I'm coming as fast as I can. And Steve!“ „Yes, Dad?", He was sobbing again ... Tony's heart clenched painfully. "Please, that's important, listen to me, darling. He needs you now, be there for him. I'm coming as soon as possible. Meanwhile you have to be strong. Can you do that for me and, more important, for Bucky?” The pause seemed to Tony to gon on forever. "Come quickly, Dad, please come quickly." His son dropped the call.

Tony didn't take a second to even breathe deeply. "Jarvis! Contact Mrs Stark. Code crisis. Get the jet ready and send the car. All data on James Buchanan Barnes from U.S. Army hospital in Nashville, Tennesee on StarkPhone1."

He was already running back into the living hall, where Rhodey was now on the carpet with Peter building the Stark tower. "Daddy! Build the tower with me!“ „Pete! Daddy has to do very important stuff now. Uncle platypus does it better anyway, I see!” Rhodey, who immediately noticed there was some true panic behind the casual tone, reacted immediately. "Yes, Peter, look how far we've gotten without him, your daddy is a twerp!" "Daddy is a twerp!" Peter sang with a laugh looking for the next Lego piece. "I'm texting you!" Tony ran out of the room.

"Sir, Mrs. Stark on StarkPhone1, private call," "Pep?" "Tony! Code crisis? My God, what about Steve?“ „Steve is fine!“ „Oh, thank God. Has something happened to Thor...?” Tony interrupted her: "Honey! I have to go to Tennessee right away!“ „TONY!“ „Calm down, honey, take a deep breath! Bucky is wounded. Steve's called ...“ He had arrived in their bedroom while talking, throwing a few clothes into a bag, he went on to the bathroom, putting his toothbrush and other hygiene stuff into his bagt. Silence had fallen on the other end of the line.

"Pep?" "Yes, I'm still there. What are you doing?“ „I'm fixing things. After all, that's what I do, isn't it? Fixing things. I have to hurry. I'm calling you again from the jet.“ „Darling! Do you need me there?“ „I need you at home, holding it all together.” Tony was already outside the house seeing the car coming. "Everything will be fine, honey." He said that also for himself.

The two and a half hour flight to Nashville was torture. Tony now knew James Barnes' shoulder artery had been shredded by a grenade shrapnel, making him lose a lot of blood, and he was hospitalized in a critical condition. He also knew about the artillery practise involving him and Steve had gone wrong, _and_ he knew his son's lack of concentration had led to the incident. _Oh God!_

Pepper and Rhodey were informed, doing their jobs at home.

Tony had also ensured Steve, who was not a family member and had not been verified as one by anyone (Fuck you, Major Barnes, you're going to pay for that!), got all the information on the spot and Steve had just called him. Bucky was weakened and still in an artificial coma, but out of danger ...

Tony let out a breath of relief for the first time in two hours. His muscles trembled with tension and he now allowed himself to cry a little. Unthinkable if ... It would have been his fault. He would have had the boy's blood on his hands because he had sent him to Tennesse to outsmart Steve together with himself!

*

"Dad" "Steve!" They hugged tightly. Then Tony examined his eldest. Steve was… _destroyed_. He immediately pulled him into his arms again, his big boy. Steve's was shaking, crying silently on his father's shoulder.

"Come on, boy," he gently pulled Steve to one of the visitor washrooms. There he helped him wash his face. The remnants of blood which were still on his hands were drid to the color of rust. Tony cleaned them thoroughly. Then he eyed his son. "You're not hurt?" "N-no, Dad.“ "Are you ready to tell me what's happened?" Steve nodded, looking down. He let his father lead him out of the washroom looking for an unoccupied sickroom. They sat down opposite each other at the small, shabby formica table.

Steve almost made it to the end of the story without losing his temper. But when he got to the point where Bucky had tackled him out of the line of fire catching the shrapnel, he collapsed. He put his forehead on the table sobbing desperately. His shoulders, those strong shoulders now being so broad trembled. Tony put his hand on one, stroking it soothingly until Steve's crying subsided.

"Th-they ... they said he'd be fine, but ... this is.... It's all my fault. I should be there in his place“ The sharp sounding breath from his father made Steve raising his head. "But! Dad, I've done that to him! I'd deserve it." Tony folded his hands under his chin stating seriously, "And then Bucky would be here suffering as terribly as you do. None of you deserve this. Neither of you is worth less than the other. You both should live, be healthy and happy, enjoying every moment you are given." He smiled sadly: "Do you understand that, Steve?"

"I mustn't be here at all," he replied tonelessly. Tony was about to tell him to stop feeling so guilty when Steve went on: "I've resisted all of my officer's orders after that's happened." He pressed his lips together briefly. "I've been ordered to go to my quarters until I'd be called for a hearing. When I've protested, they've been putting me under immediate arrest. I've gone mad! They haven't allowed me being with Bucky! They've seriously expected me to go to bed and pretend nothing has happened!” His father realized this wasn't all of it.

"And?" "I've attacked them." Tony didn't show his heart was bursting with pride. Steve hung his head. "Three men have been holding on to me when my Lieutenant Sergeant dishonorably released me from the army." He swallowed hard. "I'm out, Dad. I have to leave Bucky alone here. I've screwed it up…” Tony put his hands onto his clenched fists.

"Steve ... everything's gonna be fine, I promise you." He looked at him wildly. "I'm losing him!" "You're not." The boy pulled his hands free tugging at his hair. "No, Steve, you won't. You belong to him and he belongs to you. You know that!” Steve let out a shaky breath. "After today, he'd be an idiot if he still wanted me." "Bucky Barnes likes to be an idiot for you. He's wanted this. He loves being _your_ idiot.” A shy smile brightened Steve's distinctive features.

"But what's going to happen now, Dad?" "You're going to figure it out together. Have confidence.“ For a long time nobody said anything. Steve sniffed. His father gave him a handkerchief. He blew his nose noisily.

"Come on!" Tony got up. "Let's see if you can go see your hero!"

Steve stopped his father briefly on the way to the intensive care unit. "Why aren't we ever talking, Dad?" "We've talked when it was important, haven't we?", he smiled. Steve smiled back shyly. "Thanks, Dad." There was nothing more to say.

On the third day, Bucky was finally awake when Steve came in. His father had booked a nice hotel room nearby for him. He had gone back to New York. He had to leave the rest of it to the two of them.

"Hey!" It came quietly but firmly from the hospital bed. Steve hurried to Bucky's side taking his hand. "Bucky ..." His boyfriend was a little pale, but not as nauseating gray as yesterday. A smile was playing around his full lips observing the worried but guilty look in those loved eyes.

"I'm not dead yet, you can kiss me." "Are you sure, I mean, are you all right?" Bucky was smiling wider now. "Come on, kiss me, Steven." He gently pressed his lips to Bucky's mouth. "Are you in pain? Do you need anything? Can I do anything for you?“ „Not at the moment …", his eyes sparkled, "...devil dick!" Steve turned a deep red. He couldn't look at his boyfirend stammering:

"Bucky, I'm so sorry, that was wrong of me and I ... not to imagine if ... _oh_ _my god_." He squeezed his boyfriend's fingers tighter. "But nothing's else happened. Everything's going to be fine, Steve. I'm okay and I'm going to get well again soon.“ „I shouldn't have ... you've said so, but Ive stubbornly had to..." Bucky looked him in the eye lovingly. "I've wanted it just like you. You've seduced me and it's been amazing and I don't regret it for a second." Steve swallowed. "It's been an accident, Stevie, nothing more." He tugged at Steve's hand, motioned for him to rest his head on his chest. Steve obeyed with Bucky stroking the blonde strands tenderly.

"I don't want to complain, but what are you doing here at this time? I am flattered you do without tank cleaning at eleven hundred for me, but...” When Steve didn't answer, he stopped still. "Steve?" He looked at him bravely. "Bucky, I ..." "Surely they haven't given you a special vacation so you can visit your lover! Get it out! "

"They ... they've fired me." Now it was out. Steve caught his breath. "When?" Bucky asked quietly. "While you've been in surgery. They haven't allowed me to be with you. I haven't been allowed to leave the barracks after the incident.“ „And you've done so anyway and they've caught you.“ „No.” Bucky was confused now. "I've attacked Lieutenant Sergeant O'Reilly." Bucky hissed in a breath.

"If you only knew how much that's turning me on right now." Steve dropped his jaw. "Bucky!" He called embarrassed because the look his injured friend was giving him from his hospital bed was ... damn sexy! "Well, there is nothing I can do about it now.", He grinned wryly. "I'm saving it."

"But Bucky, don't you know what that means?" "I'm getting strong pain killers, but I'm pretty clear in my head. That means I'm finally getting you out of this darn army monkey circus.” Steve didn't understand anything anymore. Then he thought he understood going pale. "Don't you want me anymore?" He gasped. Bucky hadn't wanted that, teasing him a little, yes, but definitely not scare him!

"Steve!" He called passionately. "Why are you saying that? I _love_ you!” He tried to sit up pulling a face. _Shit, that hurt ..._ "Bucky, don't!" "Then kiss me, I can't get to you," he hissed through gritted teeth. Steve hurried to press a shy kiss on his temple. "Properly, Steven. Kiss me properly!” He hesitated, but Bucky got so upset and this was definitely not a good thing either and he kissed him, tenderly (but properly) and for a long time, until Bucky relaxed. With a sigh, he leaned back against his pillows.

"Steve, listen to me. The moment I've realized the grenade was going up, I've seen only one thing in my mind's eye. You. On the floor, covered in blood. The picture will never let go of me again.“ Steve nodded, now he knew only too well what Bucky meant. "Knocking you over was the only thing I could do at that moment." "I would have done the same for you!" Steve called out passionately. "I know!" Bucky's eyes were flashing.

"And I couldn't have you in my place here in hospital." "I can hardly stand it either ..." Steve whispered with tears in his eyes. "Baby, I never want to have you in such a situation again in life, to know you in such danger." "But, we ... then we can't ..." "Student loans don't look so terrible anymore." The surprise Steve's features gave way to a smile as he began to understand what Bucky was trying to tell him.

"I'm going to Brooklyn with you. I'm taking out student loans, looking for a job. We can do it, Steve. If you want to.” He was too moved to answer burying his face in Bucky's chest crying silently. Much later, a nurse had to send Steve out for the ward round, he stopped briefly at the door turning. "I want to, James Buchanan Barnes." The nurse almost burst out crying with emotion.

***********************  
  
  



	72. College life in Brooklyn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pics at the end of chapter, some moodboard and a special moment.
> 
> ************************************************************************************************************************

**College life in Brooklyn**

(October 2021)

Steve now took classes in social science, English and education at Columbia while Bucky attended the University of Redlands, where he majored in mechanical engineering and minor in accounting. He spent four afternoons a week in tech lab on campus to complete the practice modules. Bucky also worked a few hours in some diner on Wednesdays and Sundays. He wanted to take out Steve dinner or the movies at least once in a while without his father paying for it. Occasionally he made good money as a model. For the fun of it he had applied for the New York student calendar, which was published every year for a good cause. He made it to the front page. A model agency got aware of him offering a contract. Steve didn't like that at all. His breathtakingly beautiful boy friend was hit on yet enough for his taste. Bucky didn't care much about all the attention. He was way too busy.

His lectures, the hard lab hours, the huge amount of homework and study material, his two jobs, the tiny apartment they shared in Brooklyn, shopping and cooking ... and _Steve_! Life kept him out of his breath and he loved it! He had decided not to waste any time. He didn't want Mr Stark to finance him any day longer than necessary. Of course he had waved it off, Bucky had probably saved his son's life (Tony had once watched the surveillance videos of the practice area from the day of the incident, hadn't been a problem for him to hack into. He had to throw up into his wastebasket when he saw it .) With joy, he would give him everything he needed with never reclaiming anything. Of course, Bucky didn't want to hear about this. So they'd both signed some standard student loan contract with the clause to commit to a three-year internship at SI. Bucky worked like a maniac and was studying commitedly. Much more so than Steve ...

Steve had no time pressure. If it would take him longer to get his degree, be it like that. Steve also had no practice lectures. He had to read quite some amount of books and to study a lot, and the best time of the day was when Bucky and he were in bed, Steve sitting more with Bucky's head in his lap, both with their StarkPads on which their text books were stored .. He was playing with the silky dark hair that was now allowed to grow wild again or drawing sluggishly spirals and circles onto Bucky's flat stomach with his fingertips. Steve always thought he would burst with happiness at some point. But they weren't studying together as often as Steve had wished for. Bucky was much less at home than Steve agreed on. And after their introductory their lectures got serious, they had less sex than Steve had imagined.

Bucky often had to work until the wee hours of morning, writing down laboratory reports, evaluate long series of numbers, solving model tasks for accounting, working in the diner which robbed Bucky off him too many precious hours on weekends, sometimes Bucky was just too tired ... only on Friday afternoon, his time and him always only belonged to Steve all alone ... Everything they had missed during the week, they made up for extensively and Bucky had fucked Steve on each surface, against every wall and in every conceivable way in their apartment a few weeks in. Bucky was an insanely capable lover. Loving, yet passionate; affectionate but demanding and he was just as determined and committed in taking as in giving. He never left Steve unsatisfied, he always wanted him to feel loved, wanted and the most important thing in the world. Steve was on cloud nine...

*

Bucky was taking a double shift in the diner, his co-worker Anne had had to go home as soon as she had arrived for their change of shift. The single mom's babysitter had called. One of her children was in a high fever. Bucky'd immediately sent her home. He could forget about getting some substitute on an early Sunday evening, knowing for sure, none of his co-workers even answered the phone. _Bastards_.

He had of course informed Steve about his co-worker's family emergency. He had been nagging a bit. "There are substitute shift wokrers for that, Bucky." "I haven't reached one." "Then you have to call your manager, who has to take care of it." Bucky sighed secretly. "I've heard that, jerk." _Oops, actually not secretly._ "Listen to me,Steve, Mr. Willerson has promised to stay tuned. As soon as someone shows up I can be leaving. I'm even paid the Sunday night's extra!" Steve laughed softly sounding very forgiving again when he said goodbye: "You can get some Sunday night's extra from me with way more pleasant tasks.“ Bucky chuckled: „See you later, you punk!"

The Sunday evening shift wasn't bad at all, Bucky thought, who worked off his butt in tight cowboy jeans there every other Wednesday at lunch time. The jeans were part of his 'uniform', thematically matching the ambience of the Rustler Roundup, a steakhouse diner in Manhattan, where a lot of bankers, brokers and lawyers had lunch on workdays. In addition to the tight jeans with a huge belt buckle and cowboy boots, the male employees wore check shirts and silly white cowboy hats. However, they had it better than the women, who on top of that had to struggle with high-heeled boots to their short skirts ...

All in all, this was downright luxurious compared to the trucker diner Bucky had worked at when he was 17. Decent wages, very clean and downtown business people tipped well. He wasn't getting as much as the cowgirls, but sometimes he was, the 'radar' was quite well developed by more experienced men, to put it mildly. When Bucky got some, let's say, _more_ generous tip, it was always _very_ generous and usually provided with a phone number. Of course, he'd never called one. At first he had told Steve about it with a laugh, but soon after he'd quickly stopped. His boyfriend hadn't thought it was funny at all...

The diner was empty at this hour. Club goers would soon come to prepare for a party night with lots of greasy, protein-rich food. Bucky devoted himself to other tasks due to be done when they weren't very busy. He was wiping dust from the decoration on the walls wen the bell over the door rang. The guest who came in was Steve! "What are you doing here?" Bucky said cheerfullyly. "Surprise. Can't I get a kiss?” Bucky shook his head. "If someone's seeing us and complains, I'm off my job." Steve looked him up and down and back again. "Dashing!" He grinned. "Stop it! I'm looking stupid, like out of a movie from the fifties!“ „ _Stupid_ is not exactly what I'd say to your sweet little butt in those pants."

"Listen, mister, us waiters don't have to be bothered here. Do you want to place an order now?“ Bucky's eyes sparkled, the corners of his mouth were twitching. Steve sat down at a small table. "What kind of specialties do you have?" „I've some small specialty down my gun barrel, I can tell you …" The doorbell rang again and Bucky, who had been leaning over the table, tip of his nose barely four inches from Steve's, who had already felt the brim of his cowboy hat at his forehead, shot up into an upright position. Where he had conjured up the small pad and the pencil in his hands so quickly, Steve couldn’t explain himself.

"Howdy, welcome to the Rustler Roundup, I'm right there with you!", Bucky turned to the new guest and exclaimed with a dazzling smile: "Mr O'Donnell! What are you doing here on a Sunday evening? You're working too much.” Steve, who had been chuckling at 'howdy' a few seconds ago, glanced from one to the other. The man who dropped into a chair by the window, loosening his tie, was around 35. With a receding hairline and being a little slack around the middle, his wide smile, which was meant only for Bucky obviously, was making his features brighten up and his eyes shine. "Bucky, my dear boy, how many times do I have to tell you? My name is Lucas."

Steve almost dropped his jaw. What was going on there? He cleared his throat audibly. His 'waiter' turned to him murmuring an apology: "Please forgive me, mister. Lucas O'Donnell the Third is a regular and like an old friend for everyone working here.” Bucky looked imploringly at his boyfriend. The lawyer (only lawyers had those ridiculous figures in their names) shouted, "Sorry, haven't wanted to bother. Our dear Bucky is always so attentive otherwise, don't know why he's been distracted from his duties by something banal like my insignificant self. He's the best waiter in here.“ „I'm sure of that,” Steve replied dryly. Bucky urged, "I've go that right? Green iced tea and the evening menu, Mister?" His eyes were pleading with Steve apologetically. He was getting all putty with this look.

Nodding graciously, Bucky was dismissed. He started to sweat. That's going to be fun: Lucas O'Donnell III was a lawyer (guessed right). He was also Bucky's most stubborn applicant for a 'lucrative arrangement'. Not that it had ever been mentioned or even discussed, but the evidence all spoke a clear language: a wedding ring, photo of the 'little ones' as a lockscreen on his phone, fat tips, his phone number on every check, his looks and his annoying habit of calling Bucky 'my dear boy'. The man could hardly be more obvious. In the opposite corner of the ring: Steve, apparently fuming with anger (only observed by Bucky), his looks like icy flashes towards the lawyer, his pinched lips and above all: the angry line between his eyebrows. The lawyer was only following Bucky's every movements with his eyes, which was good, he wasn't taking notice of the other guest at all.

Bucky had just provided him with iced tea and the menu, giving him a crooked smile and another apologetic look, bustling off to his 'regular': "Well, seriously, sir, what are you doing in my shabby saloon at this hour?" „Some _ticklish_ case, my boy. Us knights of justice're never getting any rest. Not getting a wink of sleep _all night_. But when you're looking out for it, you're always gonna find an _encouraging sight_ for tired eyes.“ He let wander _his_ tired eyes down and up again over Bucky's body. This paired with the emphasis on certain words like 'ticklish' or 'all night' were annoying Steve heavily.

„What can you recommend to me, _this night,_ my dear boy?“ „The freshly caught sea bream is very good, sir. Licia, our unwavering head chef's saying. I would never dare to question even one of her words." „Well, well, our sweet Bucky, ever so polite and _compliant_. I would very much like to have some pretty fish on my _fishing rod_ and on my ... _plate._ Go on, my dear boy, order this for me from the kitchen and be a good boy getting me some nice large freshly tapped lager, my favorite brand, you know for sure what that is, being the good, _prick_ -eared waiter you are."

(…)

"Is it always like _that_?" Steve was behind him in the door frame, Bucky looked at him in the bathroom mirror. His arms were crossed over his chest, his chin stretched out, Steve's line of disapproval threatening above his long, slightly crooked nose. Bucky took the toothbrush out of his mouth, smiling, asked a little vaguely through toothpaste foam: "What do you mean? Mr. Knight of Justice the Third's plumpness? Pfff, he thinks he's the most cunning man in the world and has tipped the best waiter at Rustler Roundup's $ 157 tonight, one buck for each 'dear sweet boy' of the evening. Let me take you out tomorrow. I've thought of some nice movie before having dinner at Pio Pio's? ”, With that he put the toothbrush back in his mouth and continued scrubbing vigorously. "Are you always flirting that aggressively?" Bucky blinked a few times, spitting out foam, laughing at Steve in the mirror: "I'm not flirting, I'm doing my job." Steve raised his eyebrows mockingly.

"Stevie, waiters _are_ flirting. All of them are doing it, it's lifting the guest's mood, which is good for business _and_ it's increasing the tips, which is good for the waiters. What do you say about tomorrow night?“ „This Mister 'Favorite Brand freshly Tapped the Third is after you!“ „Ha ha, everyone notices, everyone's knowing, probably he's even telling his wife about me. About that nice, good, sweet and _compliant_ waiter working at Roundup's and even she's already aware about his most secret dreams of some pretty fish sticking to his _fishing rod_. But Mister Insignificant Me the Third still believes he's fooling everyone. Especially one certain good dear sweet boy, _said_ nice waiter. Come on Steve, it _is_ laughable!” Steve actually had to laugh. Bucky quickly ran down to the car again, he had forgotten his StarkPhone and when he came back he was having a surprise for Steve.

The forgotten StarkPhone had only been an excuse. Bucky had had something else in the car he wanted to get and he came into the bedroom a few minutes later with nothing on his body but a tiny pair of undies, the heavily studded belt with its huge belt buckle and his cowboy boots. He was leaning, the white hat sitting crookedly on his head, against the door frame. "Howdie, mister, there's some specialty down my gun barrel for you." Steve was laughing until having a coughing fit. But he still wanted to have his cowboy in his bed. But without his boots ...

*

The second semester, Bucky was given another practice module. Friday afternoons. The small, snappy remarks, the constant texts asking when he would finally be home, the sometimes somewhat whiny grouchiness Bucky could cope with well, better times were to come again, he was convinced.

What he couldn't cope with was Steve's jealousy. And Steve was _very_ jealous. If he had known, Tony could have told Bucky some a story of that. Steve's mother had often been completely irrational about the topic. And Tony, who had never looked at another woman, let alone touched, was, when he had been younger, as disturbed and hurt as Bucky was now. Steve, who had been the only boy in high school showing his interest in Bucky, found out college was completely different. Sexualized zone, so to speak, as in all the wild college stories he had never believed in fully.

When they attended one of the lively campus parties, there was always at least one other gay man there. And hardly none of them wasn't hitting on Bucky! Even when Steve had his arm possessively wrapped around his shoulders or hips, those men approached them with sentences such as: 'How serious is your relationship for real then?' or 'I'm giving you my number for a threesome if you're interested' and without exception they were all only looking at Bucky doing so. Steve didn't want to imagine how things were on the Redlands campus when he wasn't with ihm! Bucky had assured him engineering wasn't exactly a degree program attracting many gay men, but of course there weren't no gay men at all there. Not to mention Bucky's accountancy classes!

"Why aren't you texting when you're going to be late?" Bucky was greeted one evening. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, frowning. He had forgotten to press 'send'. He apologized going on to unpack the deli bag on the kitchen counter. Sometimes it annoyed him most of the housework was still on him, but Steve _was_ hopelessly spoiled. He sighed. "What's stopped you?" "Mike and I've had to get rid of a tricky bug in the control software for the new gold-titanium coil in the Galileo engine." "Mike? I've thought your lab partner was Will?” Bucky glanced over his shoulder at Steve. "Will's now only doing the module next semester. He's given up, he just can't do it all anymore, he says."

"And this Mike couldn't wait to take his place. Do I know him?“ „I don't think so. He hasn't been at the party on Wednesday and we aren't going to many parties otherwise." Steve would have the time for that, Bucky wouldn't. "Is this a problem? Aren't we going to enough parties?” Bucky said nothing at all, putting the groceries onto the shelves. "You like being hit on while I'm standing next to you and everyone's treating me like I'm invisible?"

Bucky slammed the last tomato soup can down onto the bottom shelf and turned. "What's up, Steve? Are you in a bad mood? Have you been a few degrees too cold in your cozy lecture hall today or have you had to warm up your lunch yourself for one time?” They glared at each other. Bucky raised his chin scoffing, "Would you like me to cook something for you, honey? After all, I've been lying comfortably on the couch all afternoon with you being in Tech lab for hours after three lectures in the morning. Oh, and you've been groceries shopping too! Why am I so inattentive.“

"Tell me about said Mike!" Steve didn't respond to Buckys mocking. "Do you like him? Does he like you? You're probably the hottest lab mouse on campus, something like this gets about.“ „Stop it, Steve. That's cheap“ Bucky said coldly. " _Cheap_? Who are _you_ calling cheap? You acting the cowboy for a few cents in this shabby diner flirting with everyone as if his life was at stake?“ Bucky went pale. From the insult, but also from wild anger. "Think about what you're going to say next, Stark. I'm this close to be punching in your perfect teeth.“ „Maybe I should punch you into your perfect face. Then you wouldn't be that stunning anymore, don't you think? "

Steve now was only some two yards away of him glaring at him angrily, his fists clenched next to his thighs. His shoulders were square with tension. Bucky was not afraid of Steve. Both their words had been only bragging. But he knew where this was heading. And even though he got some excited tingling in his stomach from it - it had been ages since Steve was that overwhelmed by his emotions - he just couldn't do this today. He was too tired and if he wasn't playing along, the powerplay won't be convincing enough to keep Steve dominant and predatory and crazy about him, it wouldn't be as exciting for both of them as they'd been wishing for. Even worse, Steve would break in emotionally after and apologize for his rudeness all night! Bucky didn't need that either.

"Steve, I've had enough. Honestly. Please don't make such a fuss out of it. Come on, I'm heating up some soup and we're watching a movie.” Steve blinked in surprise. He hadn't missed the flash of interest in Bucky's eyes and his heavier breathing. Bucky, who was getting a can of soup from the shelf, was roughly turned around by one arm. Seconds later he found himself trapped between the kitchen counter and Steve's hard body. One particularly hard part of Steve's anatomy pressed against the middle of his body.

"You haven't had enough, Bucky Barnes, you're not having enough at all." Bucky gasped and had the feeling of suffocating by Steve's violent kiss shortly after. Well, Steve was right. He was not having enough – never in live nearly enough of this. Bucky groaned into his boyfriend's mouth, all ten of Steve's fingers tugging at his dark hair passionately, pulling even a little harder when Bucky tilted his head . Bucky pressed his body desperately and needily against Steve's, he wanted more contact, it wasn't enough! "Yes, baby, you want that. You're getting some" Steve whispered between two kisses.

When Steve put a hand between their bodies tampering with Bucky's belt, he dropped his head, weakly offering his throat to his lover. Steve was only too happy to accept the offer pleased to get those needy whimpering noises out of Bucky, biting him, licking and sucking marks into his delicate skin. "You're making the prettiest noises. So needy for me. Only for me. Tomorrow everyone's gonna see who you belong to, baby, whose little slut you are. _Mine_." "Don't you think this gonna make me even more desirable? Like some prey” his boyfriend gasped out breathily. He wasn't too tired after all, this was just too good to be missed! "Some prey? I like that.”, The laugh vibrating in Steve's throat was so sexy. Bucky's belt was dragged out of the belt racks, with a few of them tearing. "I guess I have to tame my prey a bit, what do you think?" Bucky shuddered moaning.

"Good luck with that ..." he pressed out through gritted teeth. He wanted Steve kept in this mood so badly now, he had to! Steve roughly turned Bucky around, manhandled him, pushing him against the kitchen counter. Bucky pushed back vigorously, struggling, thrusting his hips back to bring a little space between them. Steve pulled him around again. "What? Do you think I'm gonna let you pull out of this so easily? After you've provoked me being bratty like the little slutty scamp you are!“ Steve had gotten some pretty dirty mouth since high school Bucky briefly thought before all capability of thinking left him with Steve's palm pressed tightly to his crotch. He pushed it away, regrettably, but it was part of the game ... They'd grappled with each other, exchanging searing kisses, before Steve caught one of Bucky's hands, then the other one bringing them together behind Bucky's back. Their chests rose and fell violently, they were out of breath, staring into each other's eyes. It crackled with sexual tension around them.

"I've got you and there's nothing you can do about it," Steve purred. Bucky squirmed more dramatically than effectively, making Steve just gripping him more frimly. He was much stronger than his boyfriend. Bucky let out a small whimper. "I'm letting go of you for a moment, but only to get your clothes off of your hot needy body ... after that I'm putting your belt back on, so I can hold on to you. And don't forget: I'm able to grab you again at any time if I want to. You know that, don't you? ”Bucky nodded weakly, he was crazy about Steve now, blinded with want an need. "Look at you ..." Steve sighed affectionately. "So beautiful and so hot and so needy and so _mine_." "Yeah ... all yours, only yours..." Bucky bretahed out. Steve smiled broadly down at him, swaying on the spot a bit with Bucky wrapped in his arms. "Fuck, Steve! You've got some mouth on you there. Stop it or I'm gonna come right down my pants. Don't spoil the fun for us anymore! Go on, fuck me!“ Bucky hissed desperately, having played around enough for this night. And Steve complied in an instant ... He screwed Bucky's brain out of his head so skillfully the next day he wouldn't be able to walk properly ...

(Later that night)

"I love you, Stevie." "I love you too." They were in bed tightly cuddled together, Steve was playing lazily with Bucky's hair, both of them in post-coital entrancement. "It's hurting me when you don't trust me." Steve hitched a breath. "Bucky!", He sat up switching on the bedside lamp. Bucky looked truely hurt and he looked so beautiful at the same time, his tangled hair a wild mop, his lips swollen from kissing and biting and his wonderful, unique eyes, instead of the usual stormy grey-blue a pure baby blue which they were always getting from mind-blowing sex! He looked at him full of love, pleadingly. Steve had to swallow hard.

"My God, I'm a shithead," he said in a trembling voice. "I'm so sorry Buck, believe me, how could I only be thinking of you ever being able to hurt me. You are an _angel_!“ His boyfriend lifted a tired hand putting it on Steve's cheek. "I've loved you for so much longer than I've been aware myself. I don't want anyone else. I only want you.“ „But I am... and you are so …" Bucky laughed sadly. "I can't help people being attracted to me, I haven't asked for it either. But you have to believe me, Stevie, pretty please, _believe_ me, I'm only yours. _Yours_ is the one single thing I've wanted to be for half of my life now – and there's never and end to this. I promise.“

Bucky's trembling voice, thick with unshed tears, nearly broke Steve's heart. „I _do_ believe you, my sweet angel, I do.“ „Remember the day I came out to you: You've been still a bit slaggy and awkward. Just gotten rid of your braces, you've smiled as strangely as to hide them like all of the two years before, when you've had them. And that day I've never had the slightest doubt for a second it was you I wanted, I've wanted for the rest of my life. And I was right. This is nothing anyone could ever change."

"Bucky ..." Steve breathed, now tearful himself. "You are no longer that clumsy boy with the strange smile. You are a breathtaking man now but I would have taken you anyway keeping you dearly to my heart forever. I've always thought you are a breathtakingly beautiful person. Inside and outside.“ Steve's tears spilled over. "Baby ...", he pulled him into his arms holding on to him tight, very tight, crying silently into his soft curls.

And that night was a first turning point in their relationship. Steve was more understanding after, he helped in their household, he was no longer (as much as formerly) jealous and he would carry Bucky to ends of world, loving, affectionate, mindful and thoughtful to nearly no end. Sometimes Bucky was a little disappointed, missing his special Steve with the dominant touch from time to time, but like every couple they were bickering and brawling now and then and Bucky was a master in checking Steve's boxes, ticking his dick so-to-speak when he was gettin into this special mood from a quarrel. If he wanted to, he was also a pretty skillful top from the bottom.... Steve didn't notice for a long time about Bucky never giving away the reins in their bedroom …

They once tried this game the other way around, which ended in a heartily fit of laughter. Bucky was just taking his emotions and sexuality for granted too steadily in order to have to prove who the big dog was while having sex...

*******


	73. „Have fun in Germany, Mr Barnes!“

„ **Have fun in Germany, Mr Barnes!“**

It was Bucky's 22nd birthday. A Friday, and this semester he had been able to keep Friday afternoons free. Steve had planned a surprise for him without giving even the smallest glimpse of what it coud be. When he picked him up from college, travel bags in the back seat, they went to the airport.

"How's your day been so far, birthday sweetheart?" "Pffff, my heads fuming. Trial exam in hydraulics was tough. I've finished pretty quickly and started all over again. The second turn I've come to exactly the same results. So you can assume I've screwed up. All other students haven't even finished in the allowed time. I guess I've made things too easy on me.” He shrugged. “When I'm getting debriefing next week, I'm at least gonna know what I'm gonna have to repeat before the exam. And what about you?“ „We've had quite some heated discussion about special forces in the U.S. Army. You know, pro and contra troupes of mercenaries. The opinions've differed quite a bit.“ „Who's won?“ „Take a guess!" „You, I guess!" Bucky laughed.

With that he got to some crucial point about his boyfriend. Steve had such an unshakable opinion about whom may be allowed to fight for America. Uses of dubious groups was of course out of the question for him. Steve's opinion was _always_ unshakable. You could also call it stubborn. And Steve had an inimitable way of communicating his beliefs. He laughed too. "Would have been nice ... society is becoming more and more radical and unfortunately radicalism has already spread into the educational elite of our country." Bucky leaned his head back closing his eyes. He was a bit exhausted, keen on every moment to rest a little. He listened to the beloved voice making one of his flaming speeches. He smiled amused when an absurd thought occurred to him: _Maybe someday I'll be First Man of the United States_.

"Boarding for passengers United Airlines flight NYNF 5694, JFK to Niagara Falls from Gate 12."

"Our flight, babe," Steve looked Bucky in the eye. "Happy Birthday." "Steve!" Bucky gasped. His eyes were huge, his lips slightly open. He had expected a trip to Boston or Washington. Something this romantic like a trip to the Niagara Falls would never have occurred to him, not even in his dreams. He happily fell around his neck, careless about the crowds around them, kissing him. "You are incredible," he whispered. Steve smiled broadly. "Are you happy?" Bucky beamed at him, shaking his head in an awe. "You are crazy and I love you!" "Then enjoy your short vacation with your crazy boyfriend." "I will and you too, you'll see! Gee, I've only visited the Falls once with my parents when I was eight years old! I've always wanted to go back but every time something's come up.“ „I know. Sometimes I listen to you, Bucky.” Steve grinned. He punched him playfully at the shoulder.

Steve ordered champagne for Bucky on the plane, he had to do without, he was only 20. They were affecionate with each other, flirting and whispering sweet nothings or little dirty promises to each other, but without hurting anyone's sense of shame. They kept their hands to themselves and weren't kissing. Of course, everyone paying attention noticed what was going on. But Steve and Bucky were such an adorable couple so most people just thought it was cute.

Steve waved for a taxi in front of the destination airport. "Where to first?" "Hotel room." Bucky looked at him with sparking eyes. "It's your birthday, baby, I'm quite unselfish on that," his boyfriend smirked.

The room was a stunner! View on the Falls, a huge king-sized bed, a spacious bathroom with a likewise spacious shower. "Wow, are we even supposed to make it out of here today?" Bucky turned to Steve pulling him into his arms. "Fancy a shower?" "I've been thinking so, too."

Sex under the large rain shower in that enormous shower cubicle was a sensation. They had never had something like that before. In Steve's old bathroom next to his room at home there was no such luxury, why should his parents have some be installed into the childrens' rooms after all? The tiny bathroom in their apartment was mercilessly crowded with a tall and broad-shouldered guy like Steve, a shower was really just for hygienic purposes.This was a fantastic start to thier short vacation.

Both looked so sexy, with wet hair, glittering bodies, foam, hands exploring every inch of each other... Steve surrendered to Bucky with so much passion, never taking his eyes off him, watching every move of his pretty boyfriend's through half-closed eyes whispering and groaning incomprehensible nonsense, slipping some curse ... Bucky, having his face very close to his lover's at the right moment, losing himself in the sight of Steve falling apart, thrusting deeply into him one last time and finally let go himself. "Yes, baby, come inside me, Bucky," Steve gasped buckling up weakly. They clutched one another trembling until their orgasmic waves had subsided ... "Happy Birthday ..." Steve whispered shakily. "I love you, baby." Bucky breathed fondly kissing his ear.

"Now let's go to the Falls!" Bucky smiled: "Can it get any better?" "If I can do so." Steve winked. At the Falls, both of them were completely taken in by the natural spectacle, the spray was wetting their faces all wet and Steve sighed. "I couldn't be happier." "I know, baby. Same. Being with you ... I've loved as long as I can remember. My life's only really started with meeting you. Every day with you is some marvel for me. I don't know how I've deserved quite this much...” Steve turned over to him. "Bucky. You are the best, most amiable, most wonderful person in the world and if of all things I am the one thing making you happy, then just have me. I will always love you. I'm never gonna let go of you again.“ „Stevie ... ", he breathed and Steve kissed him. Affectionately and full of love. "Come on, you must be hungry. The food in our hotel is said to be fantastic. And it's your birthday, I have to take you out! "

When they went to their room after an excellent dinner, Bucky received a notification on his cell phone. Email from Professor Doherty. His tutor didn't actually send emails ... He must have failed so bad at trial exam so the cynical man probably suggested applying to McDonalds. Bucky swallowed. "Baby, what is it?" Steve frowned at him unlocking the door. "You're pale!" "E-mail from Doherty ..." "So what does it say?" "I don't want to know!" Bucky groaned. Steve laughed. "Why?" "It's my birthday, I don't want anyone to call me some brainless idiot on my birthday." „Then do not read it until Monday. There is a bed waiting for us, the size of Brazil.” Somehow Steve was right. The bed was huge and when they were rolling around on the gigantic playground only a short time later, the email was quickly forgotten ...

Hours later, Steve was exhausted, satisfied, and happily falling asleep leaving Bucky staring into the darkness. What if his tutor really thought he was an idiot? Too stupid for the demanding degree program. What if Mr Stark's money wasted? Bucky's grades had been really good so far, but this semester was a tough one. And the exams in hydraulics and compressor technology were about to bo the most important ones of their career so far. Professor Doherty had always emphasized that. They were the crucial point of no return. When you passed, the rest of it was lead-pipe cinch. If you failed, you could throw it all away straight ahead. His cell phone was on the bedside table. He took it bravely opening his email inbox.

_Sender: Dohertyknowsbetter@nedlandsprofs.com_

_Subject: Seriously, Barnes?_

Bucky swallowed hard closing his eyes briefly. This wouldn't leave him alone anyway, so he opened the mail.

_Mr. Barnes,_

_the spectacle you've offered me today has piqued my interest. The trial exam was supposed to be the worst nightmare of my esteemed students, so I went out of my way to make it as difficult as possible. You've finished in less than half the allowed time. Yes, I've noticed that. I've been teaching for 30 years! And then I've noticed you starting all over again._

_My pride's suffered a bit from how I've fished your first version out of the trash, but my curiosity's been stronger. And lo and behold! I've compared it with the version of the work you've submitted and in the tightly defined time you have passed an exam, which I designed in my very own student hell, TWO times without a flaw._

_Congratulations!_

_You're going to pass this exam with flying colours. The real exam will not be designed by me but by much more humane people, after all. I'm going to personally recommend you for the best practical semester scholarship our institution is offering. Have fun in Germany, Mr Barnes!_

_Prof K. Doherty_

A wild joy struck Bucly like lightning. The practical semester in Germany! In the development department of Audi, the most respected car manufacturer in the world! A practical semester was planned for his degree. Most of them offered by his university were in the United States, two of them in Mexico and this one in Germany. The jackpot! Shaking Steve by his shoulder to tell him the fantastic news, he remembered with a pang to his stomach that Germany, _Germany_ like in _Europe_ , had never been mentioned between them ... He just hadn't believed it could be him getting this incredible opportunity.

"Bucky ... what's the matter? It's morning yet?" Steve murmured. "No, baby, it's ... _nothing_ , go back to sleep." Steve, who had noticed the strange tone in his voice, sat up straight. "Bucky! What is it?“ He thought feverishly, but Steve, who now noticed his boyfriend was having his cell phone in his hand, frowned. "Has something happened?" "Everything's fine, just ..." Bucky hesitated, then pushed his phone into Steve's hand. "Read for yourself."

"Germany? Like in _Europe_?” He gasped when he finished reading. "You've never told me you'd have to spend a semester in Germany!" He called. Bucky sighed. “Steve, only one each year is going to Germany. The top student of the degree program. I've never thought that could be me. "

"But ... _Germany_!", Steve grabbed Bucky by his shoulders. No word about him being proud of him, being happy for him, or about the fact his boyfriend was top of the year …"Bucky, you can not go to Germany" He blinked in confusion. "We won't see each other for months and ..." Steve pulled him wildly to himself. "I can't have you separated from me for so long." Bucky was silent at first. This wasn't good, not good at all, but it had to be expected, so he took a deep breath bravely stating,

"Steve, baby, please don't be mad, but this is a unique opportunity for me and a great honor. I can't turn it down.” Bucky held his breath. Steve frowned: "Why are you so ambitious? What are you expecting from this internship? So much ambition's hardly necessary for the small workshop you want to set up! I'm going to inherit millions and none of us will ever have to lift a finger again in life! Yeah, we want good jobs to not get bored, but our lives don't depend on that!“ Bucky was staring at his boyfriend incredulously. "Bucky, what is it? You're looking so strange.“ Steve asked anxiously.

Bucky straightened his shoulders raising his chin. "Steve, _you_ are a Stark, but I'm not. And just because I'm fucking you doesn't give me the right to rest on your money. What do you actually think what that would mean for me?“ Steve started up hotly: "Don't you think it's fantastic here? The posh hotel, the expensive food, the Falls? Who's taken you here?” Bucky went cold, trembling with anger. "Don't talk to me like that, Steven Stark. I'm not another plaything your daddy's bought for you.” Steve glared at him. Bucky sighed: "We should go back to sleep now, let's keep talking tomorrow," "No,“, Steve growled. "Plaything you've said? My plaything? Maybe you're really just..“ „Steven!" his boyfriend cried out in a firm voice. "No! That's not going to happen now.“ Steve blinked. Bucky pushed him away vigorously crossing his arms over his chest. "You've really hurt me in this, Steven." And that was clearly to be seen... Steve was stunned. "Bucky ..?" His voice was questioning and helpless and small for a sudden so Bucky's heart contracted painfully.

"Baby I love you. Let's discuss all of this tomorrow, please. Steve, today's my birthday after all.” His birthday'd been technically over since an hour ago, but it still counted, he thought. His boyfriend looked him in the eye, noticably thinking it over... "Baby, forgive me? Please forgive me. Come on, it's your birthday!” Bucky relaxed dropping back onto his pillows. Steve pulled him close, hugging him tightly. "Baby, I love you, I haven't meant to hurt you, I never do!" He whispered, covering his face with tiny kisses. They were making out lazily until both had been coming another time this night before falling asleep wrapped around each other.

When Bucky woke up in the morning, he found Steve beside him, popped up on hie elbow, an adoring smile on his lips. "Morning, sweetheart." "Have you watched me in my sleep?" His boyfriend whispered. "Almost one full hour. What a sight.“ „Stevie ... “, Bucky breathed, „a little creepy, but very sweet.“ The embarrassed little smile brightened his sleepy features. "I have to apologize to you. I've been selfish and childish and ...“ „Shhh..." Bucky put his fingertips to his lips. Steve kissed them quickly, wanted to keep talking, but Bucky got ahead of him. "It's been just bad timing. I should have waited to tell you. I've been just so surprised because ...“ „..because you've never dreamed of being top in your year." Bucky blinked. "I'm so proud of my smart baby." Steve pulled his boyfriend close.

“I shouldn't have said all of this to you, about the workshop and your ambition. I know what it means to you. I really do know!” He pressed his lips briefly to Bucky's forehead. "It's just caught me ice cold. I'm gonna miss you insanely, baby.“ „As I've told you already, bad timing, do me ...“ „Eh eh, no, you're not about to say sorry now. It's been my fault.” Steve slipped a thigh between Bucky's legs raising an eyebrow. What he'd found was making his eyes sparkle "Can I maybe do something for you, Sergeant Barnes?" (Bucky had been promoted for his heroic deed at the time, the medal even had been sent to the hospital. The fact he quit his service a week later did nothing to change that. He was a lifetime Sergeant! What irony ...) "What are you having in mind?" Steve said nothing, crouching down he disappeared under the covers. Bucky dropped his head back thinking he really could take a liking to a contrite Steve …

"How about breakfast, you could definitely use some carbohydrates, too," Bucky suggested, still a little breathless. Steve grinned. "We're getting something up. I'm not going to let you out of this bed today!” The touch of Bucky's fingers were still prickling on his scalp, the ecstatic expression on his face in front of his inner eye, he could still taste Bukcy's come on his tongue… “Steve!” He protested laughing. "All the way for that, seriously?" "Worth every damn mile, sweetheart." Bucky leaned forward kissing his lover. "Mmm, you're tasting so ... like sex." Steve pressed himself more heavily against him. "I can't keep my hands off you today, I'm afraid." He reached down between them again. Bucky caught his hand.

"Stop ..." he laughed. "You've promised me a boat cruise." He pouted a bit because he knew how much Steve loved him pushing out his full lips. He sighed, stroking his thumb over them and said playfully somber: "You're to blame when we're getting a report." "For indecent behaviour? Sexy!” „Don't you challenge me.” Bucky laughed. "Come on, I'm starving." While taking a shower, Bucky made Steve come to cool him off a little for a while. It didn't take a minute. Steve was really horny today. He honestly liked contrite Steve!

At the harbor, they got them simple rain ponchos taking the excursion boat into the bay under the Falls. It was breathtaking. The thundering noise, the wetness from the spray, the incredible masses of water. The boat was thrown around and they clung to the rail, Steve with both arms around Bucky. He felt so safe and loved, dropping his head back against Steve's shoulder. "That was a wonderful idea, baby, I love you." Steve could barely hear him under the roar of the force of nature. "Everything for you, Sweetheart, everything you want." Steve's mouth was right next to Bucky's ear, he could make out every word. He swallowed hard. He would miss Steve insanely when going to Germany.

Later they had lunch of salmon sandwiches in a cozy bistro.

"So, Germany? Don't you develop a preference for German sausages.”, Steve said half joking, half serious. Bucky threw his napkin at his head. They laughed. Bucky knew that was going to be a bit of a problem, after all, Steve was still pretty jealous at times, it was just his nature. "You know, I'm more into American hot dogs, actually, exactly with one special one." Steve grew serious. "I know, Bucky."

(Ingolstadt, Germany)

Every night before Bucky went to bed, he met Steve in video chat. The time difference forced them to set such fixed times. The cozy little room on the top floor in the house of the host family having taken Bucky in was quaint with lots of wood, antlers on the walls. Originally Bavarian. He thought of Bavarian culture somehow amusing and he often told Steve bizarre anecdotes about the people he was among now. He also told him everything about his internship at Audi. He was thrilled! Steve missed him painfully, but the enthusiasm in his beautiful features, the glow in his eyes made him happy. If his Bucky was happy, so was him. Two more months ... Bucky missed him too, that was obvious. The way he seemed to suck in his boyfriend's face at the beginning of each chat proved this impressively.

"How have you spent your time?" Bucky had been talking almost non-stop for an hour, he had an exciting project going on which was coming to an end. "I've been home all day. Spending time with Pete.“ „How's the little rascal doing?” Steve laughed. Peter was seven and a half and a restless, curious, intelligent child with an unwavering will to discover and a thirst for research. "Pretty fine. But the scamp will take my dad to his early grave.” Steve laughed. "He's constantly climbing the tallest trees, testing small machines he's developed himself, building robots, playing around with Loki's old chemistry kit, I'm telling you, the boy's got some guardian angel." Bucky laughed. “Don't all children have one? How are your parents?“ „They are thrilled! Aunt Nat and Uncle Bruce are finally back from Russia." The couple had been going on a six-month trip to Natasha Romanov's home country with Pietro and Wanda.

"What about Thor and Loki?" Bucky had always loved the lively life of the many Starks, his own home had been lonely and boring. “Thor has to do some summer classes, but then he's going to pass the tests for college qualifications. Dad doesn't want to hear about him plunging headlong into his planned rock star career without a degree. Mom agrees. He's supposed to get a degree in entertainment management here in New York for four years.“ „And is he very disappointed?" Steve laughed, "You know Thor, he's really not to be knocked out by anything. He's eaten it and is just as fine as before.“ „Does he have a girlfriend?” Steve shook his head no. "Can you believe that? Guy's looking like a North God and still is pining for his first high school crush, whom never has looked at him properly." Bucky smiled softly ..."If you haven't wanted me, I would still be pining to this day, baby.” Bucky always embarrassed Steve when he said something like that, but it was making him happy though. "And do without sex? You?“, He laughed off his embarrassment. "I've never claimed something like _that_ , dear ..." his boyfriend grinned. "Hey!" Steve called laughing.

"What's Loki doing?" "He's won a prize for a play he directed. The play is now being performed on one of the smaller stages at 7th Avenue Wilde Theater. We are all very proud of him.“ „Send him my love. This is awesome!“ „I do. What are you doing at the weekend?“ „One of those German things is celebrated. I'm not even able to pronounce that. 'Kirchweihfest'." "Good God! Is that contagious?" Steve snorted. "Yeah, right, sounds dangerous. Mr Baumgartner's borrowing me lederhosen and a hat with a shaving brush on it. Inestimably amounts of pork and streams of Bavarian beer are consumed.“ „I'd like to see that!“ „I'm streaming you a live vlog. “I'm missing you so much…” Steve sighed. Bucky looked at him sadly. "Me too, baby, every day." Telling how much they loved each other a good dozen times later it was time for Bucky to go to sleep. He had to get out at six.

(Kirchweihfest)

Steve had burst out laughing when Bucky showed himself in all his costumed glory. The silly hat with the brush made of wild boar bristles (wild boar bristles!) ´was sitting lopsided on his head, a red and white checkered shirt and Bavarian lederhosen, as every American knew from Oktoberfest pictures. But he also looked quite dashing and seemed to be having a great time. He walked around the village green with his StarkPad showing Steve everything.

The colorful traditional costumes, the booths, i.e. a shooting gallery, the splendid floral decorations, the whole village had been decked up mightily. The brass band, the beer brewery team of heavy horses, the huge skewers on which tons of sizzling meat were spinning and again Bucky's self, his beaming exuberant face. “All men here can hardly get over the fact that a greenhorn like me's aim shooting better than all of them. I'm constantly getting talked into having a go at the shooting gallery to be challenged. Here: I'm gonna get you this teddy bear!” He turned the pad to the table. A stuffed bear in traditional costume with a tiny gingerbread heart around its neck.

“The girls pleaded with me all the other cuddly toys and plastic roses and little knickers. They're calling me American Sniper. Bet they'd all faint if I showed them my old “war” scar!” Steve laughed shaking his head. "Don't worry, baby, this is a very chaste festival. Except that I'm sorry for the young guys here. I've never seen so many pushed-up tits in a New York club like it is with these dirndls the girls around are wearing.” Steve, who had already been shown the girls, chuckeld. He didn't have to be afraid of tits. The firm beefy calves of the young men at the festival were more of a concern for him.

"Bucky, Bucky, Bucky!" He heard a girl's breathless voice from the pad. "You have to have some beer now. Everyone says Americans can't handle their drink, is that right?” The accent was a bit hard, but her English was good. Bucky turned the pad over showing him a beer mug. "Look at this. At home we're selling this as a family pack. One liter and those native bosses pour them down in one go. And this is Alina, say hello to Alina, Steve!“ „Hello Steve!“ the petite blonde girl with the pigtails and the huge tits cried out. Were all German girls having that big tits? It had to be the dresses.

"Hello Alina, nice to meet you." "Is that him, Bucky? Goodness, he's almost as pretty as you are.“ „Yeah, a-almost …" Steve stammered. "Steve would look a thousand times better with this hat than I do, his golden hair is made for it!" He was again looking at Bucky's face. “By the way: this little thing here, Alina, can carry eight of those killer beer mugs at once. Eight! I'm telling you, the boys in the fancy gyms in New York would die of shame. Bavarian girls would have won the war back then.” Steve looked indignant for a moment, but then he had to laugh too.

"Steve! Hold on and be amazed. I'm going to drink one liter of beer now and won't even stop once doing it. That's a piece of cake, proving them all I'm not only better in aim shooting than anyone else here around." "Bucky, is this a good idea?“ „Don't be a spoil sport! I have to defend our American honor. Isn't that what you'd want me to do, baby?” He smirked. "I'm already having an audience, look." He turned the pad around, showing a bunch of giggling girls gathered around Bucky and everyone was adoring him. German girls were probably a bit more direct than American girls.

One of them shouted something in German over her shoulder. A tall blond youg man with broad shoulders dressed in Bavarian traditional clothing stepped into the noisy circle. "And here is my challenger: Axel Angerer." Steve straightened up frowning. Axel Angerer was having the same look in his eyes like all the girls around him. He was in his mid-20s and yes, he hadn't been wrong. He definitely looked pretty thirsty, but not for beer alone.... "Say hello to Axel!" "Hey Axel!" Steve called out lame. The guy hardly looked at him and his eyes went straight up to Bucky again, Steve assumed. And how he ogled at him! "Is that your boyfriend at home?" Bucky turned him over smiling at Steve. "Hello boyfriend." Steve had smoothed out the lines on his forehead quickly. "Hey, baby." The loving smile softened Steve a lot. "Now, I'm passing you on. Alina, hold the pad, Steve can't miss that! ”

"Bucky ..." Steve tried to stop him. His boyfriend wasn't drinking alcohol often, wasn't used to much. "Too late, baby." Bucky was now facing _this Axel Angerer_ , the camera feed was shaking a bit, Alina wasn't holding the pad steady. Both men had those giant beer mugs in their hands and one of the girls was appointed referee. "And go!" Steve's eyes widened. He had never seen anyone drink beer that fast, and certainly not Bucky. Angerer seemed to have been faster, but the referee, Mia was her name, announced a draw. Like this it obviously was more fun because everyone was cheering and two more mugs were brought in. Steve didn't like that at all. He was really uncomfortable with it, but what was he supposed to do? Although Bucky was noticably slower than this Angerer guy this time, he was still given another mug, a third one.

Bucky called towards the StarkPad: "Steve! I'm standing my ground here for our proud country. For America! For you, baby!” He was swaying a little. His boyfriend had seen that coming. And the silly speech ... He was relieved to see Bucky give up after halfway through the third round. There was cheering and disappointment alike. The picture was shaking extremely now and the next thing Steve saw was Alina. "Uh, hello Steve!", She laughed a little sillily. She actually looked too young to be allowed to drink alcohol, but Steve remembered there were other laws in Germany.

“Mr. Gerberer kidnapped Bucky. He wants to know if the American is still aim shooting that well now.“ „What?” Steve said panicked. "You're letting him have a gun? He's drunk!” The girl looked at him in confusion. "It's Kirchweihfest.", she stated shaking her head in amazement. "I'm leaving you on a table, okay? There's a dance! Bye!" _Argh._ Steve was mad. He was looking at the evening sky now, so he could be seeing nothing. These madmen mustn't give Bucky a gun in his condition. That was insane! An hour later, Bucky had still not returned to the chat, and Steve logged out sourly. He texted:

" _When you boozer have shot yourself in the foot, I'm not gonna come to Germany to visit you in the hospital. Everyone's all crazy there._ "

Some time later:

" _Tell me you are fine, okay? I love you._ "

When he still had no answer until just before ten, he was fuming with anger. He had been walking up and down the small apartment full of worry and a lump in his throat for hours, checking his phone, StarkPad, and internet connection every other minute. He replayed the recording of this ghastly festival in chat a dozen times developping a murderous hatred for this Angerer asshole. He was after Bucky, clearly. Steve couldn't stand it anymore in their apartment and decided to go downtown. He loved an American club a thousand times over those German freakiness.

When he woke up the next morning (rather around noon) there was a text from Bucky on his cell phone.

" _Help, Steve, hangover ... German beer is truest devil's stuff! You think you're drinking soda and suddenly - Bam! Intoxication. But I still was better at aim shooting than the Krauts. Conclusion: you're getting two teddy bears._ "

Not long later:

" _Steve, baby? Everything's alright? Sorry I've worried you. The shooting galleries here around are completely harmless, only air rifles!_ "

Even later:

" _By the way: can you imagine? I've woken up in a haystack! Just like the one at the Bartons where you've always camped. I don't know how I managed to get up the ladder, but I've been pulling hay out of my hair all day._ ”

And finally just:

" _Steve?_ "

He had read all the texts with immediately marking them as 'unread' after. He felt terrible ... and ashamed, but he still had to know.

" _Have you been alone in the haystack?_ "

" _Haha! Certainly not, I'm afraid I'm in need of some flea treatment! Besides, there had to be a cat. At some point I've heard a rustle, then a hiss, and then a pitiful beep. RIP, mouse._ "

Steve hesitated, but sent it anyway:

" _And Axel Angerer? Where's he been?_ "

" _At first I haven't known who you're talking about. No idea, I haven't seen him after our 'duel'! Baby, I've missed you so much, we would have had so much fun! It was crazy! How have you passed your evening?_ "

Steve hesitated.

" _I've written an essay on the Cuban missile crisis._ "

" _Send it to me! I want to read that. Oh Stevie, I miss you so much!_ "

_Crap_ , now he had to write an essay on the Cuban missile crisis. No, he didn't have to. He googled one on Stark pad, pinned it to his text, hoping it was good.

" _Look at teddy bear No. 2!_ "

Bucky sent a photo of a teddy bear in a red jersey. Soccer, he assumed.

" _Sweetheart, I'm busy, I'm working on something._ "

" _I'm already leaving. I still have to get some more sleep, I think. Gosh, German beer, honestly!_ "

Steve was lounging on the couch in their apartment staring at the walls without focus. His gut felt like it was made of lead. His heart was heavy and his fingers numb. _What have I done?_


	74. Steve's Getting a new Schedule

Notes and a picture at the end.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

**Steve's Getting a new Schedule**

JFK. Crowds, hustle and bustle. And right in the middle: James 'Bucky' Barnes and Steven Stark, tightly entwined, whispering suffocated sweet nothings to each other with nearly not being able to ever again let go. "Take me home, Steven, I want to make love to you."

It was a reunion to go down in history. Bucky was devouring himself in worshipping Steve, pouring out his devotion onto him, getting him into some state of nearly losing his mind, telling him the most heart-felt and affectionate declarations of love for hours, ending in having his boyfriend fall apart, only even capable of breathing out broken sobs while coming violently at Bucky pounding into him with vigour. Some time after he murmered Steve into sleep: „I'been dreaming about this each night when falling asleep. Planning and choreographing this to its last detail. When you're asking me, sweetheart: My best-planned event ever.“ Steve chuckled sleepily: „Show-off...“ „It's worked.“ „Yeah 't has..“

They were sleeping in until late in the morning telling each other over an extensive breakfast what they hadn't in their video chats.

"Steve, I've got 100 gifts for you, well: twelve." And the partly bizarre German souvenirs made both of them laugh. The two teddy bears got a special place on a shelf.

Steve wasn't telling _everything_ ...

A few days later they went out in the evening. They didn't do that often, Bucky didn't have much time and Steve always wanted to be alone with him anyway. None of their close friends were in New York. But Bucky had told some crazy stories of German 'party culture' they decided to defend their country's honor, going to a club and have a blast.

They moved, their arms loosely around each other, lazily on the dance floor, sharing a cocktail when a voice startled them. "Steve! Nice to see you again!” Bucky and Steve turned to the owner of the voice. Steve froze. The handsome black man, a few years older than them, smirked. "This is him, Steve? Wow, no wonder you've never called me after. If you guys are getting bored some day, I would immediately note a threesome down in my calendar.” An ambiguous wink and the guy was gone again in the crowd.

The world around them was standing still. Bucky stared at Steve and his guilty expression spoke volumes.

"Stevie ...", Bucky let out a sound turning on the heel. He literally fled out of the club. Steve thought he was going to have a heart attack, with that sudden throbbing and ache in his chest. He put the cocktail down somewhere running after his boyfriend. He looked around wildly outside the club, but Bucky was nowhere to be seen. Shaking, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to speed dial. Mail box. Well, this had been to be expected. Steve looked around helplessly, where should he search for Bucky, _where_? He pulled himself together entering the club, which was right next to the one he'd just left ... Then the next one, then the one after that ...

" _Bucky, I've got no idea anymore where to find you! Please tell me where you are!_ "

" _I'm at home, where else could I go?_ "

A wave of relief spilled over Steve. He would have never dared to hope for that! He was so thankful Bucky had answered jumping down the steps to the subway, taking three at a time. Bucky was home and he was waiting for him. They would talk, they would make love to each other and everything would be fine ...

It wasn't particularly well-lit in their apartment when Steve unlocked the door. Only a few of the small lamps, which were more for decoration than lighting, were lit. Bucky was on the sofa with his StarkPad, the display illuminating his features dimly. Steve hurried there dropping down in front of him.

"I'm so glad you're here, Bucky, so glad. I …" Bucky interrupted him: "Answer me a question, Steven: Where else could I go?" Bucky's voice was pretty calm, Steve only noticed a lot of tiredness in it. "Don't you want to be here, Bucky?" He sighed, "I don't know, Steve, honestly, I don't know. Having no choice's making this whole thing so much more complicated.“ „But ... D-do you want me to leave?" The fear in Steve's voice could not be ignored and his words were obviously meant seriously. Bucky let out a sigh. "This is your apartment, Steve." "It isn't, we're both paying ..." "It is, Steve, don't be kidding yourself." He looked down at his StarkPad, letting it slide from his lap onto the sofa giving a little sarcastic laugh without any humor.

"Nothing I've got I could afford if I weren't with you." Steve shook his head crying out passionately, "That's not true, Bucky, you are ... you are ..." Bucky used the short break to interrupt him. He whispered tonelessly: "...maybe just a plaything your father's bought you." Steve was freezing cold, staring at Bucky. He raised his arms weakly, in want to take Bucky's hands but something in his hopelessly defeated look was holding him back. "We've made a mistake, Stevie. This has gotten too serious too quickly and I ... you ... ", he had to gasp for breath, there was so much pain in his voice.

"No, Bucky ..." Steve whispered in horror. "Please!" "What are you asking me for, Steve?" "Don't do that! Do not leave me! I'm doing anything you want, I've made a terrible mistake and I'm so terribly sorry, but it hasn't meant anything, I swear it's just been...“ „I know, Steve.” He blinked. "You ... understand?" "I always do, don't I?", he sounded a bit bitter. "Yes, when it's women, but ..."

There was some 'agreement'. Steve was bisexual, occasionally in want to have sex the way he'd learned to know in the first place. Bucky would not call it _encouraging_ , what he'd done when telling Steve he didn't want him to supress that part of him, but... Well, maybe Steve'd taken it a tad bit too seriously, having casual tinder dates with girls from time to time... not often but stil. Bucky only didn't want to know anything about it pretending to be blind, deaf, and stupid whenever Steve did so. But cheating on Bucky with another man had to be on a different page, Steve thought and the first thing coming to his mind was: "Then why can't you forgive me?" Tears were running down his cheeks, he trembled, groping helplessly for Bucky's knees. He pulled his head into his lap. "But I _have_ forgiven you."

Steve sobbed, clawing all ten fingers into the sides of Bucky's shirt, shaking with reflief. When Bucky talked again, he heard him now crying, too. "But what for the fucking love of God could I have done if not? _What, Steven?_ ”, These last two words were choked out desperately. Steve's head jerked up, he got up on his feet, dropping heavily onto the couch next to Bucky, pulling him into his arms. He hadn't actually forgiven him, of course not. He just didn't think to have a choice. Bucky's head dropped on his shoulder: He sighed in tears. "Oh, Stevie ..." The childhood nickname didn't need an answer.

"That was some shit from me, Bucky, and you don't have to forgive me. I mean, of course, I'm wishing so, but if you need time, it's okay. It was stupid and childish of mine. It was the Kirchweihfest night when you've suddenly disappeared from the chat and I ... oh, I've seen how crazy everyone was about you again and I've felt ordinary again, just wanted to go dancing, having a drink..." "And then someone's hit onyou so you've been feeling attractive again." Steve sighed. "I'm an idiot." "Steve, I can't help looking the way I am, I've told you so many times." Bucky said hollowly. Steve took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm not going to 'punish' you for it anymore, promise. I'm sorry, so sorry and it's never happening again. I swear."

"Steve ... it's been just sex. Don't take it so hard. I'm gonna forgive you in the end. But you have to stop doing this other thing“ „Which thing?" "Thinking you aren't in my league. It's absurd. Totally absurd.” Tenderly stroking his hair from his forehead, gently pressing his lips to it, holding him close, Steve whispered: "And you are not destitute or dependent on me. It doesn't have to go on like this. Everything will be fine, baby. I'm talking to dad. We're gonna find a differnet way to pay for your tuition. You have to ... you mustn't feel obliged to be with me. "

Bucky's thoughts went back to the day he signed the contract in Mr Stark's office.

("Are you not afraid this ... _dependency_ could put a strain on your relationship?" Tony asked the newly appointed sergeant. In his careless love, Bucky waved that away with a laugh. "Does your flawless contract look like prostitution to you?" The contract was not in the least blameworthy, albeit in a bombastic written, jurisitc language. It was making perfeclty clear and straightforward in one thing: the agreement was completely irrespective of whether Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was screwing Mr Anthony Stark's son or not. In other words, of course, but analogously. Tony smirked briefly becoming serious again after: "You are making a very mature decision at such a young age. Thought I'd better ask."

"I know what you mean, Mr. Stark. But it is what I want, unshakable and long wished for. I can deal with any difficulties. I'm convinced of that.” Tony was impressed nodding. "My son's owing you his life." Bucky blushed looking away. "He would have done the same for me, I've just gotten what's been happening faster." „Well, for me it's a fact and Steve would do better to make you damn happy for it.” Bucky looked up. The warm fatherly smile with the look full of appreciation hit him right in the heart. Steve didn't know how lucky he was! "He will, Mr. Stark. Most certainly.")

"Hey baby ... you're not saying anything," Steve brought him back to the present. He eyed his lightly absent expression with concern. The melancholy in Bucky's beautiful features pulling his heart together painfully. "What have I done, baby, I'm so sorry ..." His whisper was barely audible, his voice trembling. He hugged his loved one more tightly in his arms burying his face in the crook of his neck. Bucky swallowed hard. "I'm sorry too, I'm just not strong enough for that." Steve raised his head in surprise.

"Bucky ...", he said seriously: "Why on earth are _you_ sorry for anything?" "Don't you know that?", The smile playing around his lips was sad. Steve closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. "You have to explain that to me, you're much smarter than me and older, at that," he quipped. Bucky clasped their fingers together looking him straight in the face. The glance was firm and open. "Well, that's what you're doing to me. Your thing, my thing. It's just our thing! If something's wrong, I'll fix it for you. If it gets difficult, I'll stay strong for you. But this time I can't make it and I'm sorry. "

"I'm not doing all this for you?" Steve asked horrified of himself. "You _do_ but I'm far better than you at it." Bucky cocked his head, suddenly definitely in a bit seductive way. Steve hitched a breath giggling a little shakily but also relieved. The deep sadness in Bucky's eyes had finally given way to the loving warmth with which he was always looking at him in their private moments. "M-may I kiss you?" He asked shyly. "I was wondering when you're finally having some good idea again," Bucky teased. The cocky smirk was kissed away stormily by Steve.

He wooed Bucky forever, devoted, passionate, tender, making him feel like the most precious thing in the world at every second of the night after. Which he was in the end! After some hour or two Bucky took over. He was coarser than usual, more rough, gripping him more tightly, and when he bend him, stomach first, over the sofa's armrest, one hand buried deeply in Steve's hair somewhat almost brutally pulling back his head to kiss him on the mouth filthily. His words became as dirty as the aggressive rhythm with which he fucked him hard. Never in life Steve'd imagined his boyfriend capable of having such a naughty mouth on him. Imagined Bucky calling him names, cursing him, humiliating him in an untypical matter, mean and in purpose to hurt.

Some dark side of his', Steve could do without for the rest of his life, he now made up his mind. He actually preferred the loving, affectionate Bucky. The man who was always making sure, his loved one was feeling good. Feeling warm and safe and cared for, something Steve secretly called his 'vanilla-Bucky'. The man, mercilessly pounding into him, making the sofa's legs scratching over the wooden floor, drawing pressed helpless sounds out of Steve had nothing to do with the man he'd known half his life. Nothing at all. And he, Steve himself, had changed him into that.

Obviously his boyfriend needed this now. He might have forgiven him, but in certainty he was still hurt to the core of his heart and Steve was aware what he needed now: Reclaim his territory, showing him where he belonged and Steve was secretly quite right on the same page. He deserved this, and if Bucky coped with his pain this way, he didn't care if he could still walk properly the next day. He could endure one mindless fuck-him-into-pieces-until-a-lesson's-learned. He could do that. By the way, he couldn't walk properly the next day... Long before Bucky woke up, he got up scribbling down a list. He did so, standing, sitting down was also something that he preferred to do without today.

When Bucky came into the kitchen at around nine, Steve was showered, leaning against the kitchen counter in khakis and a plaid shirt, handing him a cup of coffee, brewed by himself, not from Starbucks down on the street corner. "Thank you, baby." He kissed him on the cheek getting down on a chair at the small table. "Come sit down with me." " _Uh_ ..." Steve said blushing a little. Bucky frowned, his yet a bit sleepy features crumbling as he remembered the night before. „'m sorry, I am so sorry...“, he whispered. Steve had expected this. „Come over to me, please.“ He considered noticably, guilt and sorrow in his gorgeous eyes.

„Bucky, _baby_ , come 'ere. It's okay. I'm telling you, why everything's perfectly alright.“ He swallowed, getting up slowly, approaching Steve hesitantly. He pulled him into strong arms, holding on to him tightly, whipering into his hair: „It's alright because you are sorry. I've known you would be. So it's forgiven and forgotten. I can take it and it's over. I'm never gonna again do this to you, making this out of you. I promise.“ Bucky let out a little sob, breathing: „Thank you.“ „Let's not talk about it any longer. I've made up my mind and I'm pretty sure, I've got a solution to this mess, we've gotten us into.“ Bucky pulled away a bit, to be able to look into his eyes. „What do you mean?“

And Steve presented him his list in his neat beautiful hand-writing: "Here, my plans!" "What's that?" "Read for yourself." Bucky sat down again. Steves notes in his hands, he looked down on them. Steve held his breath watching him.

_ **Working title: I'm going to fix it** _

_**Getting a job** _

_**no more take-aways** _

_**preparing our own meals** _

_**no more Starbucks** _

_**no expensive club visits** _

_**no expensive short trips** _

_**Apartment in Queens** _

_**Second-hand shop clothes** _

_**Cutting our own hair** _

_**no more cabs or ubers** _

_**using the subway** _

_**cheap breakfast cereal** _

_**a lot of cheap breakfast cereal** _

_**Quitting gym membership** _

_**Goal: Don't lose Bucky. DO NOT LOSE Bucky !!!** _

Bucky looked up from the list questioningly with his lips slightly open, his eyebrows pulled together a bit. “What does that mean, Steve?” “This is my master plan. Let me explain: I now understand how one-sided the dynamics in our relationship must occur to you and I want to change this. There's my father's student loan. You can only feel better and fully on an equal footing with me once you have settled these debts. So we're just settling this debt! And we do that together until the end. _Together_ , Bucky.“ „Steve ... you ...“ „No! Please listen! I've been thinking for hours.“ „When have you gotten up?“ „ At five.” Bucky swallowed.

"Well, let's hear what foolery you've come up with at such an unchristian time." "The less we use my Dad's money, the faster we're able to pay it back. You're already working, I'm also looking for a job. You're teaching me how to cook! We're gonna save up each penny which can be saved. We're moving to Queens, Brooklyn is far too expensive. We're both going to work hard for our goals and we're doing this together. Then we are a team and equal. Then ...", for the first time in his flaming speech ( _my God, he's good at it!_ ) Steve was getting a little insecure ..." Only then you're gonna feel better and I can finally give you back everything you've given me ever since.“, his voice was dying off.

Bucky was silent. Steve got it wrong literally shrinking, pulling together his broad shoulders. "You don't say anything ..." he whispered flatly. Bucky jumped up from his chair, covered the short distance, pulling Steve into an intimate hug. "Steve ..." he breathed, a little shaky. "You... about to do _this_ for me ...I can't, I can't...", he couldn't go on. The lump in his throat was so big! "Only for you! I'd do everything for you! Don't you finally know?” Bucky'd known, realizing it right this moment. He _had_ known.... When Steve had followed him to the army, gotten himself kicked out because of his love for him, and now _this_... "I don't know what to say ..." he murmured on Steve's shoulder, his voice thick with tears. "Just say yes." Bucky looked him in the eye.

"Yes, Steven Howard Stark. A thousand times yes.” They kissed. "On one condition." "Everything, baby, everything you want." Bucky cocked an eyebrow: "Keep your dick in your pants or, I swear to God, I'm making an extra space for the next grenade." Steve dropped his jaw looking guilty. "Bucky ... I ..." He put his fingertips on his lips. "Listen, never again have me some competition from the wiener squadron. _Urgh_ , I've turned into you. This frenzied jealousy, good god, it's creepy!“ Steve laughed weakly before stating:" I love you, James Buchanan Barnes. Time to prove it.“ Bucky surrendered somehow bonelessly into Steve's embrace, light in his head. "I love you too."

*

They did it all the way to the end. They moved into an even smaller and much cheaper apartment in a dirty, shitty area in Queens. They found work in the harbor, where they were dragging frozen fish from fishing boats from six to eight each morning, getting good money from it. Bucky's formerly steeled soldiers' body became hard again from it. He also stayed under contract with the modeling agency and Steve offered tutoring classes. Sometimes it felt to them like they were two ships drifting past each other unnoticed on the ocean during a pitch black night, so rarely did they find some time for each other. But they were sparkling with happiness like never before with this new partnership. Sundays were theirs and reserved for exclusive intimate togetherness. They prepared meals together for the upcoming week, studying together, Bucky's head in Steve's lap. They were making love with each other passionately.

The third year it suddenly got better. Bucky applied for a patent for a clever flexible drive shaft he had developed during his tech lab hours, and Steve published a book about War of Independance which was so good it was added to the textbook lists by Columbia and Harvard and several other universities. They were making a lot of money for a sudden, being able to move back to Brooklyn to a significant more spacious apartment than before. When they proudly handed Tony Stark a check shortly before the end of their college time, which fully covered Bucky's student loans, he, dramatically as he was, tore the internship agreement into shreds throwing them into the trash.

He was so proud. Proud of both of them. Steve had grown up. The somewhat whiny, spoiled, pompous boy Steve had been had become a man. An impressive man. A man who had found a partner who was no less impressive. Smart, determined and strong-willed. The one who had saved Steve's life, who'd loved him so steadfastly, almost since childhood. And Steve had managed to keep him, investing everything so it worked, doing everything for this love which had begun as a messy teen romance and now outshined every other sandbox love story he'd ever heard of.

Steve got a teacher for Social Sciences and English, going back to their old school writing excellent textbooks on the side. After a year as a trainee, Bucky built up his own repair workshop in Brooklyn which soon had to be known as an insider tip: The owner and chief mechanic could do magic being able to fix everything as if by witchcraft, as it was told. Occasionally, very rarely, he still modeled just for fun and because Steve loved the professional photos of him so much.

No one was surprised when they announced their engagement in July 2030.

All was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there we are: Part two of this book is finished. I've gotten a bit rushed in the end, eager to delve into their adult life. In addition I've just been not to fond of telling a lot of college stories after lingering in high school that damned long before... 
> 
> I hope, some of you are keen to follow our loved heroes down their path. To the end of the line – you know. ;-) 
> 
> There's some more about to happen, good things and – this is a fanfiction, come on! - bad things...
> 
> Stay tuned if you want so.
> 
> I have to slow done my pace to one chapter every other day instead each. But I'm going on. Promise! Story IS finished - there's only that damn translation to be done.


	75. Down the Memory Lane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures of all them Stark-kids, Bucky and the Maximoffs in 2030 at the end.

**Down the Memory Lane**

Tony was very happy and excited about the news which reached him shortly before Independence Day 2030: He'd be a Groom's Father! There was a big hello at the traditional garden party, where Bucky and Steve first appeared as an engaged couple. "I hope you're the bride, Stevie!" His father called enthusiastically. All of their guests looked at him somewhat alienated. "Well, then I can pay for the wedding!" Everyone laughed. Bucky and Steve smiled at each other. Bucky shook his head slightly. "Steve is not the bride, Tony. How could I be able to carry this tank over the threshold?“ „Hey!“ „I'm not the bride, either by the way, you don't have to be speculating about anything which's not your concern!" All of them laughed again.

"We don't want some huge ballyhoo at all. We're about to buy a house and an expensive pompous wedding would be inappropriate.“ „But I can give you something for the wedding as a present, right?“ „Not a house." Both shouted in unison. "Dad, of course we're not rich-rich like you, who is that at all in the end? But we're having it under control. Buying a house is not a problem! We're gonna manage.“ „Then have a toaster. "

"What date are you thinking of?" "A winter wedding. Bucky loves winter,” Steve beamed. "13/02/2031," Bucky stated. "He's not yet 30 then, which he's emphasizing," Steve chuckled. Bucky elbowed him. "But tell me now!" Pepper called. "How have you get engaged? Has Steve kneeled down or have you, Bucky?" He smiled at her thoughtfully: "Do you know that nobody ever told me how the two of you've gotten to know each other, Pepper?"

"Oh," she turned a little pink, "just the usual, at work ..." "But how exactly has it happened? When have you first met and where? Everyone at this party for sure knows except me!” since his future mother-in-law suddenly looked a little embarrassed, Bucky looked around. "That's right, isn't it?" Natasha took a step forward calling amused:

“Hardly anyone knows. I belong to this elite circle and Rhodey does as far as I know. And I've only gotten it out of her because I've claimed to suspect her having helped Tony Stark get rid of a body.“ Everyone laughed with relief, the little tension was averted. Bucky frowned: "It probably wasn't like that." „If you're getting it out of her I'm gonna give you a hundred dollars.“ „Tasha, stop it, leave Pepper alone if she doesn't want to tell ... "

"Calm down, Bruce. I _can_ tell. I've been just surprised since nobody's had asked me this for years.“ „I know the story though.“, That came suddenly from Loki, completely unexpected. Everyone turned to him. Steve called out in disbelief: "What? Are you the only one of us who Mom's told?“ „That's because I'm also the only one of us who can keep something to himself." Thor laughed good-naturedly: "You could have told me.“ „Then I could have it to be performed on Broadway, too!“ was Loki's dry answer. Everyone laughed, Thor the loudest. Peter giggled: "I probably couldn't have kept it to myself either."

"But why haven't you all asked about it again?" Bucky wanted to know. "Because everyone's given up," Natasha said dryly. Bucky and most of the other guests were looking back and forth between the two women. Pepper laughed, this time free of embarrassment and very amused. "It's been silly to always make such a secret out of it. Tony, you don't mind?“ „Me? Well, hardly ever telling anyone hasn't been my idea in the first place. I like the story. If you want to, we're telling them.“ „Okay. It's happened like this..."

*

(How to become a personal assistant, 1999)

Virginia Potts had been working at Stark Industries' accounting department for several months now. She hadn't had to apply for the job, being top in mathematics at Harvard, a headhunter hired her from the spot for the well-known and highly endowed company.

Stark Industries was number one in consumer electronics around the world, but the secret hobbyhorse of the owner and CEO, Anthony Stark, was - not that secret at all, it was an open secret – 3D hologram technology, researching and working on it in every available minute.

The engineer and inventor, who was dubbed 'Da Vinci of our time' in the Media and who already had had a doctorate at MIT at the age of 19, was a dazzling person in New York business world as well as in its party scene. Fast cars, expensive suits, beautiful women - all of this sometimes threatened to overshadow in the press what he really was: a philanthropist, a genius. But also a multi-millionaire and a playboy.

Virginia had never met him before. Of course, she was knowing the pictures, both the sophisitcated ones from the company profile and the less professional ones from the gossip press. She thought he was an idiot. A brilliant idiot or an idiot genius, but nevertheless an idiot. Though a very attractive idiot, she had to admit. She almost felt sorry for him. Ugly multi-millionaires at least knew with certainty women were only after them for their money.

Attractive millionaires, however, could be unlucky enough to miss a woman willing to look behind their facade because said multi-millionaires were hardened and embittered, facing greed and opportunism on a daily base. Although of course Tony Stark was never looking bitter. His deep dark eyes, sparkling with intelligence, always sparkled with mischief and humor, the corners of his mouth were drawn-up most of the time in a sarcastic and amused way with a little self-irony. He looked content, almost happy. And he was a feast for the eyes - indeed!

Virginia flinched from her daydreaming turning a little pink. She glanced around . No one had noticed her fingers were locked, floating over the keyboard while she was blinking absently into nothing. She quickly focused on her computer screen again. While she was studying the number series with her eyebrows drawn together, she also scribbled her notes on a torn piece of paper. She mastered that without looking.

Suddenly she stopped, frantically comparing her notes to the numbers in the system about a dozen times. This just couldn't be right! The commas seemed to have shifted a whopping seven digits in the computer simulation. Virginia spent the rest of the afternoon doing complicated calculations, and yet she always came to the same conclusion: Stark Industries faced a loss of several million due to a simple calculation error. A quick look at the signature of the person responsible made her heart miss a beat. A.E.S. - Anthony Edward Stark.

"Oh, no, No no no no, that shouldn't be true!", She whispered feverishly, while quickly printing out the crucial data and getting her notes in order. "I'm fired. I'm saving the company, but I'm fired.” The expected consequences for her criticism of the top boss were completely clear to her. Her petite body tightened, her expression hardened, she clenched her small hands into fists. Integrity, professionalism, working ethics: those counted more than health insurance and paid vacation. She giggled nervously.

"What are you kidding yourself, Potts? You're losing the best job there is in this hemisphere.” With thoughts like this she went to the holy of hollies: the executive floor.

"I need to talk to Mr Stark right away."

Virginia, of course, got stuck with the front room lady (some blonde equal to a supermodel).

"Mr Stark is very busy. I can give you an appointment.” Bored, the (bitch) young thing filed through some calendar. "Next month, Tuesday the 23rd?"

Virginia was boiling inside. She tried to explain to Mr. Stark's antechamber lady how important and serious this matter was, but of course to the blond hollow-head this was all Greek.

After several minutes of discussions, finally she'd have enough. Turning on her heels she headed for the imposing door to Mr Stark's office with vigorous sweeping steps.

"What are you doing?" It shrilled behind her. "I'm calling the security service!"

Virginia paused, turned, stating coldly, "If I can't speak to Mr Stark right now, he won't be able to _pay_ his security service next week." Which probably was an idle threat, but well...

That cost her valuable seconds. Stark Industries' security service was quick. Very quick. Secretary barbie must have pressed an emergency button during their "conversation".

A door opened a few yards from Stark's office and two beefy men in security uniform ran straight for her. Virginia instinctively reached into her jacket pulling out a small spray can.

There was some spray, shouting, a sharp scream from barbie, Virginia whirled around hurrying on to Mr Stark's office. She finally reached the doorknob of the ominous door when it was torn open from the inside. "WHAT THE FIGGIDY...?" Again, instinctively, she lunged on a visibly pissed off Tony Stark, pushing him back into his office with all her strength shouting hysterically: "Pepper spray!"

Seconds later she found herself lengthwise lying on the incarnate Anthony Edward Stark. With a great presence of mind, she closed the office door with a courageous kick, breathing: "Pepper spray."

Time seemed to stand still. From this extremely intimate distance, Tony Stark was in fact very attractive (gorgeous - those eyes!). His hands had closed automatically around her upper arms when they were falling and his grip was warm and firm and safe and tender at the same time (think of something else, Potts!)

Tony Stark cleared his throat. "Not that I'm not delighted to meet you so very suddenly, Miss ...?" He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Potts. Virginia Potts. ”, Her voice was squeaky and shaky, she hated herself for it. "So Miss Potts. Yes, as I said: I am delighted. But at the same time I'm lying on the floor, under you, quite uncomfortably ... ”, his smile belied his dry words. No man had ever looked at her like this before. Virginia hitched a breath. Then her brains went on working again and she quickly crawled off of him coming to her feet as gracefully as she could master (and that was a pretty good amount).

Loud hammering against the office door and worried calls distracted each other.

Tony's door could only be opened from the inside, unless he himself pressed an emergency button.

"Excuse me a moment, Miss Potts." Tony got up gracefully going to the door. He opened it a crack nipping the wild questioning in the bud. “Gentlemen, everything is under control here. The emergency button must be right next to Miss Gabler's make-up bag. An understandable mix-up. In any case, I see no reason for deliberately having pressed it. Everyone's taking an hour off. Go, have some coffee on my behalf.“ With that said, and before anyone could get rid of an objection, Tony pushed the door shut. The soft click was unmistakable.

During the brief interlude, Virginia was having the time to gather herself, straighten her shoulders and getting her notes and printouts back in order.

"Mr Stark, sir," she didn't get any further. "So, it's finally happened," Tony said in a deep voice. Virginia stopped, losing thread. "What? _Ahem_ , I mean: I beg your pardon, sir?” Tony came up to her stopping only a few inches away. She got a little dizzy. "I've been warned about this and I've always wished for it anyway. Someone's breaking into my office to get to know me. Exciting."

Her boss talked in riddles. Had he hit his head with the fall?

"Uh, Mr. Stark ... I ... sir ... are you all right?" She took a tiny step away from him feeling a tiny pang of regret.

Tony started. He got aware of the pile of papers in her hands and the business suit she was wearing. " _Oh._ " He didn't say more for the moment, but he hurried to get behind his massive desk, his expression now indifferent.

"What can I do for you, Miss Potts?"

In a split second she thought of a lot of very indecent things this incredible man could do for her, but she got around just as quickly.

"Mr Stark, sir. Please excuse my brisk demeanor. My name is Virginia Potts, I've been with Stark Industries' accounting department for a few months, and I've noticed a significant error in some calculation.” Her heart was pounding in her chest, but she was proud of her professional tone. "Now, if I may present you with the documents I have created, sir?"

"Tony."

"Sorry?" Virginia blinked in confusion.

"Call me Tony, Virginia. I can call you Virginia, right? Even if that definitely doesn't suit you at all. Not at all.” He considered for a moment as she remained in shock. "Miss Pepper Spray. I like that. Let me see your super weapon! "

Virginia hardly believed she was going to her boss's desk, pulling the jar of pepper spray out of her pocket, holding it out to him without a word.

" _Pepper makes you safe_." Tony read aloud on the bottle. "Pepper ..." A smug smile played around his mouth. "Virginia doesn't suit you. I'm calling you Pepper. That's suiting you very well.” He beamed at her.

Virginia (Pepper) looked at him speechless. Then she caught herself. "As you wish so, sir."

"Tony," he said. His eyes sparkled, his glance being very intense. Virginia shivered unnoticed taking a deep breath.

"Anyway.", She sported a - hopefully - professional tone, "My calculations here ...", she held out her papers to him, he took them "...are showing a computer simulation based on algorithms in which a serious error has occurred. "

Tony scanned the papers, paused, wrinkling his forehead. Virginia got hot and cold. He must have discovered his signature, which made him responsible for the mistake - and would cost her her job.

"Ha!" He called loudly. She winced.

"You know, I hate math. Well, not really, after all, math is the most honest science after all, with no back doors at all. But I've always hated complicated, lengthy calculations. They're slowing me down, stopping me!” The fire in his eyes took her breath away - maybe she was even a bit lucky to get fired soon. Ending some miserable spinster, in love with her boss would really be the worst case scenario!

"I've guessed the algorithms relying on experience, instead of calculating, I admit, arrest me." His voice was warm and apologetic. Virginia (Pepper) had to smile at the blunt honesty.

"Sir ..."

"Tony!"

"Tony, you need a mathematician at your side!"

He looked at her for a long moment.

"I know the mechanisms of my company very well, Miss Potts. Yes, I know, you think I only care about my inventions with making all of this a lot of fun on the side - for me, mind you. But: Never forget: ... ", his blazing eyes made her breathless, "I'm a genius!" Virginia only nodded, a bit helpless at facing his passion.

"I know only the best mathematicians are hired for my accounting department."

Virginia held her breath.

"Miss Potts. Virginia.", He agitated exaggeratedly, " _Pepper_ ", grinning broadly, "I hope you understand that your previous position can no longer be filled by you." His grin widened. Virginia ( _Pepper_ ) got cold ( _fired!_ ). "I can't tolerate an accounting department mathematician bluntly exposing my mistakes." Pepper became even more afraid at the now quite serious tone.

"But I don't want to be cruel. Apply for the position of my personal assistant. I'm giving you a real chance."

His self-confidence and arrogance called up Pepper's anger.

She built up to her full size (which was much larger than Tony with her 4-inch heels),

"Listen, Mr. Stark, sir. _Tony_. What do you think you are doing here? Me a favor? Or welfare work if you're giving me a 'real chance'?” Her blue eyes sparkled with rage. Tony was enchanted ( _What a woman!_ ).

"I've presented you a mistake you've made. As a mathematician, that's exactly my job. I know very well how much I've scratched your ego. Well then, go fire me! I'm going to find another job. Even though I hate job hunting. "

Tony looked at her silently for seconds. His expression showed courtesy and something else. Admiration? - She didn't dare to hope so.

"Miss Potts .." he finally said. "Pepper, forgive me. I've had too much to do with opportunists and haven't met anyone with real work ethics in years, I'm impressed. ”

Pepper hardly dared to breathe, at least good references would come out of this fiasco, she thought.

"You don't have to apply for the job to be my personal assistant. I am applying to have you as my assistant. I hope there aren't too many other applicants.” He looked her in the eye seriously and honestly. She felt very light and ... somehow bewitched. Virginia (Pepper) swallowed. And with her answer, she finally won Tony's full respect:

"Send me your application documents - completely and in a perfect order of course - as soon as possible. The occupation of the post is obviously extremely urgent.” She held her breath until he laughed out loud after a few moments.

"There is a hurry, I think. Not that someone ... snatches something from me... I really want to have.“

Pepper nodded quickly leaving Tony's office in a hurry. She was upset by his last words. But she had to learn to deal with him not taking his - probably - automatic flirting seriously. She could do this. Certainly.

A small annoying voice remained with her: "Yeah, really? Who are you kidding? You're in love!"

*

(Back at the garden party)

Many tears of laughter had to be wiped off, Bucky, who with almost no exception had experienced his future mother-in-law as the most dignified being on God's green earth, laughed out loud shaking his head: "Not bad, the hitting-on: 'Pepper spray!' and then just lunge on them hoping for the best. It's a shame I'm not single, I would have liked to try that out.” Steve cleared his throat next to him. "Do you need a glass of water, sweetheart?" His fiance grinned at him sweetly.

"Oh, I've been just choked by the idea you would have had this idea in high school. The use of pepper spray for no compelling reason is a criminal offense. I hardly think your testimony in court would have made one. 'Oh, high court, there is this boy I have been in love with forever and I had this idea: pepper spray ...'” There was a lot of laughter again. Bucky cheered good-naturedly: "Oh, one more or less ending up in a cell because of you. Does it matter? "

Thor wanted to know, "Why haven't you ever wanted to tell, Mom? It's funny! A thrilling story.“ „Well, listen. It's embarrassing. Messing with Stark Industries' top floor with a few pieces of paper and a can of pepper spray. That was not my idea of professionalism." Tony remarked: "But expectable. It's hardly a surprise you've swept me off my feet when we've met for the first time, my dear.” The couple looked each other lovingly. "But ...", Bucky had thought again:

"How has it gone on? How have you been getting together?“ „That was a similarly strange game of dancing around each other with losing courage at crucial moments just like you and Steve have been.“ His future father-in-law replied. "Tell me!" "Oh no!" Pepper called, "We want to know how the two of you've gotten engaged now. Our complicated process of finding one another is a long story.“ „Our engagement is, too.“ „One after the other.“ „All right." Steve sighed,“ „May I, baby?“ „Please go on, after all it was your idea ... "


	76. Steve's About to take the Gloves Off

**Steve's About to take the Gloves Off**

(Spring 2030)

Steve had thought about getting married since last Thanksgiving. Then he noticed he had no idea how Bucky felt about the 'holy bond of matrimony'. They had never talked about this before and Steve kept pondering what the reason for it might be. For Steve, getting married has always been a part of life. He grew up around happy married couples: first his parents, of course, then Aunt Natasha and Uncle Bruce. Sam's parents led a harmonious marriage having brought up four children (of whom Sam was the only one to go to Sanctuary - as a sports scholarship holder) in partnership and without much effort.

Then there were happy marriages in their circle of friends: T'Challa and Nakia of course, who unfortunately had married in Wakanda and none of their American friends could have been there. Shuri had sent Bucky a live vlog, spiced up with all sarcastic and pragmatic comments Bucky had laughed at, without in the least criticizing the blasphemous manner in which the heiress spoke about marriage. Steve had kept his mouth shut. Bucky's employee Ricky and his wife Eileen have been a couple since high school and were very happy.

Michelle and Sarah were an awesome couple naturally sharing housework and childcare alongside their jobs, as did Nigel and Chuck. But there were also Billie and Chess ... Their marriage was a bit of a struggle and very often a pain in the ass, but they certainly loved each other! But the heaviest weight on the negative side of the scales for or against marriage tipping the scales to the limit were undoubtedly George and Winnifred Barnes.

A poisonous, crazy love-hate relationship full of addictions, lies, cheating, self-denial and a lot of loneliness ... Only thinking of the two of them, Bucky already got a headache, as Steve knew. The fact his grandparents, whom Bucky had loved very much, had been a wonderful couple, had been pushed into an armored corner of his memory by Bucky's grief over their sudden death in a plane crash two years ago. Bucky was devastated at the time and had been inconsolable for a long time. He still cried about it sometimes, but whenever Steve held on to him trying to comfort him, he only ever talked about his childhood and his wonderful vacations in their house. Since then they have always been just grandma and grandpa for him, never seeing them again as a loving couple.

Steve was at a loss. Should he start an innocent conversation on the subject? Hm, as 'subtle' as he was, he also could just buy a ring and hold it up right under Bucky's nose. But ... why not? What could happen? Bucky wouldn't leave the country, the continent, the planet if Steve proposed. Or would he? Before he had to hurt him with a 'no' because he didn't want to marry under any circumstances? _Oh god_... Steve groaned in frustration and decided to seek advice. Spring Break was coming soon. He would visit Sam and Sharon in Washington to ask them what they were thinking of it. They would be honest with him and most certainly would not be hard on him. Without further ado - Steve was a man of action - he contacted both.

" _I'm on vacation soon, can I come up to DC? I need your advice._ "

" _Do you want to run for mayor? We are no longer New York citizens. Who besides your lovesick sweetheart would vote for you?”_ \- of course this was Sam.

" _Do not listen to him. We're having a few days off before Easter. You are always welcome. Is Bucky having the time to join?_ ”- Sharon was the good cop, well, mostly.

" _He's coming without Bucky, it's clear. He's in need of advice and turns to us and not to the omniscient presence in his life._ ”

" _Is that true? Do you want to come alone? Everything okay with you?_ "

" _Everything's cool. Bucky has a lot to do at this time of year. But I'm gonna ask him about joining for the weekend._ "

" _Breaking News: Siamese twins temporarily separated._ "

" _At the risk of repeating myself: don't listen to him._ "

“ _Always listen to me! I am the voice of reason! And very smart. If I had got Bucky's long legs, you would have fallen in love with me!_ ”

" _But you haven't and now I'm burdened with you. Just text your arrival time, Steve! One of us's gonna pick you up._ "

" _She's picking you up. Her job is much more easy-going than mine! "_

" _Haha funny. And Samuel! Don't forget our clothes at cleaning service and take the chicken out of the freezer in good time, otherwise you have to endure me in a hungry fit._ "

" _Heaven, I'm hurrying! I'm not too fond on that._ "

" _You're fond on what I'm presenting you to be fond of. You love Me. Don't forget the chicken !!!_ "

" _Yes, ma'am._ "

Steve smiled. Why weren't these two married yet? He would ask them ... He texted to the group chat he would talk to Bucky and giving them the relevant data. He talked about it at dinner.

“I want to visit Sam and Sharon during spring break. I know you have a lot to do, but do you think you can make a weekend in DC?" Bucky beamed: "This is a fantastic idea! We haven't seen them in so long and if I stick around I can really keep up. I've got a million motorbike inspections in my schedule. But when you're not there, I have a lot of time. I can work longer in the evenings and then come over.“ „You know, I could take this as you wanting me to get outta your feet …" Bucky laughed:

"Oh, Steve, do not sulk ... We can do a lot of fun things in DC! Going to Smithsonian, taking crazy pictures at the obelisk – that obscene power-implying giant dick monument - putting you in a formal suit and I'm gonna take a video of you giving a speech in front of the White House, thanking your voters ...“ „Jerk.“ „Let's do this, Stevie, this's gonna be great! We haven't been on vacation in ages." "Okay. I'm looking for a flight.“ „And I'm booking on as soon as I can see how's it going on with work.“ „Awesome. You want me to have you some more wine?“ „Yeah, thanks, baby.” Steve felt a bit bad because he was bumping something behind Bucky's back which could change their life. Well, don't _change_ -change, but still. It would be a big step. The next day, Steve commissioned the ring at a goldsmith's.

On the day of his departure, Bucky took him to the airport before work, but without getting out with him. Hell was always going on in the JFK Airport car park. They kissed, teasing each other with "Be a good boy!" "No SUV housewife incidents!" Then Steve was already on his way to Washington D.C. His flight took off with arriving on time while Sam was driving in laps in front of the terminal, to not have to get into the parking garage - same problem like with JFK.

"Hey!" "Good to see you!" "How's your flight been?“ „Pleasant enough. How are you?“ „Everything's quite fine! My best frined's having spring break is visiting me. It's perfect.” When alone together, Sam wasn't as cocky as in company. He and Steve were very good friends loving each other almost like brothers. "Are you all well? And honestly, you are talking to me." Sam had been worried about Steve needing their advice, even more so, alone, without Bucky ..."Yeah, yes, honestly! Nothing's happened or anything. I just have to make a decision that's giving me a headache.” _And Bucky couldn't or shouldn't help you with it, hmm ..._ Sam was only thinking.

"Sharon's still in lab, getting to leave work around eight, after she is as free as the breeze as we are for the next few days. Awesome, isn't it?“ „Absolutely.“ „How's Bucky?“ „He's working his ass off.“ „There's not much there to be worked off!“, Sam chuckled. Steve jabbed him into his side, thinking of Bucky's cute small firm butt a bit, smiling. „Everyone's about to have insepected their motorbikes and rag-tops for the warmer seasons and of course that only comes to mind the last minute, same procedure as every year. But otherwise: he is doing extraordinarily fine.“ „His repair shop is working out?" Steve laughed: "His repair shop is buzzing actually. It's become something of an insider tip. He's in a lot of debts, of course, but Mom's stated it's normal in the early stages of a business. Who, if not her, is knowing about things like this?“ „True story!“ „He's been dreaming of it since he was fourteen. He's having a blast! And I'm happy for him.“ “Awesome, Steve. But why's he indebted? I mean you easily could..."

Steve groaned so loudly making Sam stop, startled. “He's not willing to take one cent from me. You know him.“ „Hm, yes, I know him. 'I-pay-for-the-cheese-myself-Bucky'. This's still an issue between the two of you?” Steve frowned. "What do you mean?" "Hach ... I just don't understand him. I mean, you're partners, a team. Supporting each other, ideally. When you're giving him a hand some time, the point when he can give you back some will come. Why's he stressing himself out with a mountain of debts?” Steve laughed a little helplessly. "Uh. Yes. I don't know.” Now Steve was even more unsure. What was this about with them and their strict separation of accounts and money? Wasn't their relationship as serious and as equitable for Bucky as for him? "Does your visit and your request for advice have anything to do with that? Just a guess of mine. "

"Oh, Sam ... you've got some criminalistic intuition. But I want to discuss this with both of you , okay? I need the good cop for that too, you know?” Sam laughed. "Of course! Sharon and I are unbeatable together!” Steve again wondered why his closest friends hadn't been married long ago, but said nothing. "What can you be doing in DC?" Sam laughed out loud. "Dude, we're putting your bag down and go!" Sam dragged Steve onto a Potomac boat tour with a pirates theme. He was thrilled sending Bucky about a thousand pictures and clips. On their way home, they got Indian food waiting for Sharon to come home from work.

"Steve! You're looking good!“ „I think he's looking mediocre. Look at his long crooked nose.” Sam grumbled playfully. Sharon and Steve laughed hugging each other warmly. "You're looking very good yourself, Sharon." "You're a bad liar. I've done a 14-hour shift putting half of it up to my elbows in decayed bodies. Don't worry, I've taken a shower, but still.“ , she laughed. "Steve is right. You're looking fantastic, given this last fact.” Sam smiled at her.

"Have you forgotten about any chore on your list or why are you so sweet with me?" „I'm not nice, she complains, I'm nice, she complains too. Maybe I should cease to exist“ „Don't you dare!"; Sharon pecked her boyfriend a quick kiss on his head. Then they sat down with their take-away. Steve texted Bucky, who was on his way home (at half past nine, poor baby). He asked him not to forget to eat something and Bucky promised to take something with him on his way. After dinner, they made themselves comfortable.

"Small talk or big talk?" Sam asked suddenly. Steve squirmed a little. "Well, we're texting small talk regularly, so...big talk, I think." "What's going on, Steve? You've sounded serious. But everything's fine about the two of you, isn't it?” Sharon asked worried. "It's all cool. It's more than cool. It is fantastic! Simply wonderful and perfect. And there's my problem." Sam laughed dryly, raising his eyebrows towards Sharon and said: „You've been in love with him. What's gotten into you then? He's talking nonsense.“ „You've been a little in love with him yourself. "

"Sharon!" Both men called out in shock. "I don't mean that sexually, but you've admired Steve a lot running after him a bit." Sam let out a snort. "Wow. I find that really humiliating, but I'm used to it. And after all, Steve's been impressive, hasn't he? _You_ really can't deny, baby. “, He glared good-naturedly at Sharon. She laughed. "I don't at all. But he hasn't only been impressive, in the first place he has _been_ impressed. By Bucky.“ „Hello! I'm right next to you!” Sam and Sharon were grinning. "Well, Steve, you have to go through that now. Dude. Was that a ride with you and Bucky. Everyone's sensed something, yes, has been wondering but nobody's gotten it right for real. Ever the high school drama.” Steve looked a little angry, but only briefly. After all, they were right.

"It's what it is today," he said as gracefully as he could. However, pretended dignity did not catch on Sam and Sharon. They laughed out loud! "Oh, come on! You've been so stupid!“ „Yes, true story. Dancing around each other for two years pining secretly and not at all subtly and ...“ „Stop it. It's been complicated.” Laughter resounded. "Yes!" Steve called a little desperately. "We've been children when we first met." "Meant to be from the start, am I right?" Steve thought for a moment and the tender smile, the soft, loving expression on his face made Sam smile broadly and Sharon sighed. "What a romance ..." "Kitsch as Kitsch can." "Unromantic ninny." "You love me." "Unfortunately I do." Steve blurted out:

"Why don't you two get married?" Sam and Sharon looked at each other laughing again. "But we want to get married!" "Um ...", Steve said. “We want babies too, but at the moment we're just living our lives and see when it's gonna fit. Our jobs, this apartment, that's not ideal yet, but ... of course we want to get married. We are perfect for each other!“ Sharon stated warmly. Steve smiled even though he was really confused. "Yes, I know, you are ... only, uh ... I've lost thread." "Is your problem where you're in need of advice about getting married?" Sam hit the bull's eye. Steve turned bright red.

"Do you want to get married?" Sharon exclaimed enthusiastically. Steve wrung his hands, beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. "I don't know if Bucky wants me." Sharon and Sam stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing. "Do you want to start a second career as a clown? Bucky not wanting you? Are you serious?“ Sam howled out. Sharon gasped. "Bucky ... not ..him... I can't go on." "That's not funny!" Steve exclaimed angrily. Suddenly they both stopped laughing. That sounded serious.

"Steve?" "What's going on?" was asked at the same time. Steve looked at them uneasily and then simply said what he was thinking, "I don't know what Bucky's opinion on the concept of marriage is at all." Sam and Sharon nodded understandingly. In their junior yearbook, Bucky was last in the poll who was most likely to be married at 30. In their senior year he was first place at 'Is about to be a millionaire some day'. _Haha_ , very funny, as Steven Stark's steady boyfriend. "Have you never talked about it in all those years?" Sam wondered. "Why should we have?" Well, that was true.

"And ... you want to marry him?" Sharon asked gently. "Yes!" Steve called passionately, "I really want to! For me, getting married has always been the important step separating relationship from endless love! And Bucky and I've gotten there! We have! Absolute and undeniable!” Sam and Sharon nodded. "Just propose then," Sharon suggested. "Yes, it's an option. What could happen? If he says 'no', you're going on as hitherto.“ „Yes, Steve, that's not changing anything.“ „Maybe he would feel restricted. Or committed or maybe he would not be honest and I'd never know if he's wanted the same like me. "

"You're underestimating Bucky there, I think. Would he be dishonest with a matter that important?“ „Could be possible. Bucky's giving in to me a lot and sometimes I think only because he ... well, doesn't want to disappoint me." Sharon and Sam looked at each other for a moment. "Do you have an example?" "For example, we always have take-away I've chosen. He says, he doesn't care. But it can't be he never wants to decide for himself what to eat.“ „And you think the question 'Tex-Mex or Domino's' can be compared to the question 'getting married or not'?" Sam asked doubtfully. "Don't you think he's getting in a little more thought and self-will into this?" "I can't be sure."

Steve knew that was a very lame example, but those which would have occurred to him were a little too intimate or casting a bad light on himself. In the first place: his Tinder dates, which Bucky tolerated with a great deal of understanding. If someone dealt with this as selflessly as Bucky, it was possible he would put his own needs and desires behind at such a question. He finally knew Bucky was attached to him with a nearly self-abandoning devotion. But this was something he wasn't sharing with anyone, no one would understand or be able to see it uncritically. Steve was sure of that. He sometimes had a strange feeling about it himself.

"Earth to Steve!" Sharon called softly. He jumped up, shaking his head briefly, dazed. "Maybe I should wait until he's asking..." "He's not gonna," Sam called dryly. Steve looked outraged. "Don't puff yourself up. I'm telling you why: First, Bucky's known very early on he's gay. In the past, homosexual marriage was not as established as it is today. So he's prepared for a life without that early on. Secondly, he's coming from a creepy home, not a good advertisement for happily-ever-after and it doesn't matter in the least that your home somehow became his. He is not a Stark for whom this is intended in his worldview. He is a Barnes for whom it does not seem to be natural-born. And thirdly and this is crucial, because reason one and two could be reasonably refuted. Thirdly, you are very, very rich. "

Steve stared at him. "But ... Sam!" "'Don't 'Sam' me. Bucky would never ask you because of his the Gold Digger complex.” Steve groaned. "Oh, no, not that again!" Sharon switched on again: "He's right. And I can understand Bucky. I wouldn't propose to a millionaire, either.“ „Good to hear“, Sam snarled. "I don't know any apart from Steve, and I've already pulled the shorter one against Bucky.", She winked. Steve blushed a little, but then laughed softly. "Well, luckily, isn't it? Sam was just around the corner.“ „That sounds a bit ugly, as you're stating it, Stark. But I'm going to let it go because you're having an emotional dilemma. "

"Bucky loves you," Sharon said firmly, "If you're making your proposal honestly enough and marriage isn't the most gruesome concept on God's green earth to him, he's gonna accept happily and if not, he has some good reasons but is still loving you. What are you afraid of?“ „He could be laughing…” Steve said. "He wouldn't do that! I know he laughs a lot at you - and you at him, it's just something about the two of you - but he wouldn't do that in this moment! Certainly not!“ „And how am I doing it? How do you make a proposal?” Sharon and Sam looked at each other. "Oh ...well, how are you picturing it if you were sure he said 'yes'?" Steve's eyebrows went together thoughtfully.

"I 'd take him to a camping trip. Somewhere where It's lonely and wildly romantic! And I'd give a little rehearsed speech getting on one knee presenting the ring.“ „Okay, he _IS_ gonna laugh” Sam said dryly. Steve looked a little offended, but also quite desperate. "Just drop the thing with kneeling. The last thing Bucky would like is you treating him like a woman!“ Sharon exclaimed firmly. _Oh_. Steve's mouth fell open a bit. She was right! "Have you got the ring yet?" Steve hesitated. "He already has it." "I've had it for a few days. It's a one-off production. Do you want to see it?“ Sharon squeaked: "Show me!" And Sam laughed: „The love of my life's suddenly twelve years old again.“

Steve rummaged in his bag taking out the little fateful box. Sharon and Sam came close inspecting the ring. It was made of white gold and looked heavy. There were a few bows, pips and lines worked in, looking like ice crystals, all of them leading to a little five-pointed star. "Beautiful," Sharon breathed. "Thank you, dude, that's gonna one day cost me two to three months' salary. Do you have to raise the bar that high?“ „Oh, Sam, if you're getting me one out of a gumball machine, I'm not offended. We are us and they are them.“ „What do you mean?" Steve asked confused.

"We are Sam and Sharon and you are Mr and Mr Drama." Steve looked a little hurt and Sam patted him on the shoulder. "You've wanted it that way." Steve's expression softened. "Yes. I've wanted it and I want it forever.“ „When's Bucky about to come?“ „He doesn't know yet. He has a lot to do. As soon as he can tell, he's texting.“ „What do you want to do tomorrow?" Steve thought for a moment. "To Smithsonian's." Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm knowing it by heart, but well, you are our guest!" The three of them had a good time together, at Smithsonian's, at other museums, on boat trips and with an escape room adventure. On Thursday evening, Bucky texted Steve:

„Finished here tomorrow at around 7pm taking the flight at eight. Are you picking me up half past nine?"

"I'm so looking forward to you! Of course I do!"

Steve went in the parking garage - against better knowledge. He wanted to wait for Bucky at the gate. Impatiently he scanned the crowd for the beloved brunette head of fluffy hair and finally, Bucky came through the gate, a small travel bag over his shoulder. Unsuspecting, since he naturally assumed Steve would be driving in circles in front of the airport to save himself the parking garage stress, he headed for the exit. Steve got in his way. "Sorry, sir. I think you are the person I have to pick up.” He pulled a miniature version of the famous name labels from airports out of his jacket pocket.

"Steve!" Bucky called in surprise. Then Steve held the label under his nose. It said 'Sexiest person on the planet'. Bucky was briefly speechless before calling out happily: "Stevie!", He hugged him stormily, regardless of the people around them, kissing him in earnest. "What a nice surprise! Picking up each other from the airport is romantic, isn't it?“ „Yes, definitely. That's why I've wanted to do it. How's your flight been?“ „Quite okay. And now I'm finally back with you!” Bucky smiled fondly. They were still in the same spot, arms around each other.

"Is that all your luggage?" "Steve, it's two days! Not even me needs more clothes for two days!“ „Then let's go.“ „Oh, Steve, it's nice to have you again, I've missed you." "I've felt the same." In the parking garage, they threw Bucky's bag into the trunk of Sharon's car getting in. Steve was about to start the car when Bucky said quietly and a bit rough, "Wait." He attacked Steve with a violent kiss quickly leading to a steamy make-out session fogging up the windows and soon after Steve was clutching the steering wheel so his knuckles went white because Bucky was doing incredibly good things with his mouth in his lap ... "I love you." "I've missed you so much." "I've missed you too." "I love you too." Steve finally started the car with still slightly shaking hands.

All them four enjoyed a late dinner. They joked and laughed together and Bucky told what it had been like at the workshop over the week. After dinner they played Monopoly debating heatedly about promissory notes and how to pay them back correctly. The evening ended merrily and everyone was tired by one. Steve had been sleeping on an extended couch in the study all week and he and Bucky had to cram together , due to lack of space, but of course they didn't mind at all. Closely snuggled up together, they whispered sweet nothimgs into each other's ears. Since Bucky's semester abroad years ago, they had never been apart for one night.

"Bucky, I will love always you." "You may not know, but thank you. Anyway, I love you enough now for at least a million years. Maybe it's enough for eternity.“ „Please. I want you to love me forever.“ „Stevie ... No breath, no heartbeat of mine will not be fulfilled by you as long as I live. All of me will forever and ever be yours! I love you so much ... You are my one and only, the world to me, my _life_!“ „Oh, Bucky ...“ „Kiss me." And Steve obeyed, getting lost in the kiss which Bucky returned exremely intimately and fervently. .. I'm asking him tomorrow! He loves me like that! He definitely wants to marry me! Steve thought, reaching down Bucky's pants ...

(Garden party)

"Nobody could tell you Bucky's opinion about getting married, really nobody?" Pepper asked. "I've gone so far to write an email to Shuri. Her very charming answer was something like: 'keep me out of this, if you don't know, there must be a reason.' I don't think worse doubts could have been planted into me. Great, the future Queen of Wakanda." Bucky laughed: "Fortunately, you can assume her sister-in-law's going to advise her on diplomatic questions.“ „Yes, she could start some war with her kindness.“ „I don't know what you're always about, Shuri is an enchanting person.“, Bucky wondered, shaking his head. "Well, maybe around you, after all she's adopted you!" "That sounds like I'm a puppy from the animal shelter," his fiance outraged himself. "At last that's how she's treating you."

"Are you talking about Princess Shuri? I think she's very lovely, too.” Tony spoke up. Steve sighed: "There we go: Shuri doesn't like people unless they're engineers." Tony laughed: "The girl is still young, she still has plenty of time to find out what arrogant bastards us engineers are!“ Bucky smirked at his future father-in-law. "You are in frequent contact?" "Regularly, we're exchanging information about our work, She's very smart, having fantastic ideas!" Steve drew attention to himself again, clearing of his throat: "Yes, so to answer Mom's question, no one could tell me what Bucky's thought about getting married, so I've decided to just pull it off and as you all are aware, I'm not one to let grass grow under my feet."

Everyone agreed.


	77. "Don't ask me that now!"

**"Don't ask me that now!"**

As soon as he got up, Steve knew exactly where he wanted to ask _the_ question. In Hillwood Gardens, where there was a charming little Russian log house, the 'Dadja'. Bucky was still taking a shower while Sam was making breakfast with Sharon and Steve setting the table. "Could you be doing something on your own today? I want to go alone somewhere with him.“ „Oh, you've always been a man of action. I think that's about right, Steve.“ „Where do you want to go with him?“ „To Hillwood Gardens.“ „Good place for this.“ „Maybe a bit crowded. It's weekend.“ „Well, the weather is shitty ... " , Sharon shrugged, "maybe you're lucky." The weather _was_ shitty, yes. Steve had been pissed excessively by it when he got up, but now he found it actually to be adding zest to his plans. An engagement kiss in the pouring rain was exactly what suited them both perfectly! At breakfast, Sam asked, “Can you be doing on your own this morning? There's this Easter brunch at the Bureau. We have to be there for a few hours. "

"Oh, we're doing a great job on our own.", Bucky wiggled his eyebrows, "we're just crawling back into the sheets after breakfast." "No way. We're going out. We're in DC!” Steve called. Bucky acted his famous pout cocking his head. "Where are we going?" "You've suggested all those crazy things like taking pictures, recording videos and going to the Smithsonian. I' like to go to Hillwood Gardens. There's a Russian dadja and you can borrow the Cossack uniform for pictures. We're gonna send them to Aunt Nat so she can tell us again how wrong our American ideas about Russian culture are.” Bucky laughed. " _Da, da, ty vyigral_." Steve rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, you've won." Bucky gave in. "Je gagne toujours parce que tu m'aimes." "You people are bunch of show-offs," Sam growled good-naturedly and started clearing the table.

They borrowed rain jackets and baseball caps from Sam and Sharon before happily lunging into the rainy day. Finally a short vacation again! The gardens were actually very badly attended. Most of the visitors crowded into the museums, restaurants and shops. Bucky had bought a guide at the entrance and was studying it with interest. He was here for the first time. "There is a Japanese garden and imagine that! - an animal cemetery, how creepy.“ „It's not a bit creepy. Just the place where Blessed Marjorie, founder of the Hillwood Estate, has buried her lap dogs.“ „Too bad.“ „Where do you want to go first?“ „The Japanese garden."

That was a good choice, Steve thought. It was the most visited spot here in the gardens and as long as the weather was bad, it was pretty empty. They walked about an hour in the almost deserted Japanese garden, hand in hand taking a lot of pictures. They thought them would have been only half as interesting without the rain. All the while, Steve felt the box in his inside pocket, near his heart, how fitting ... The animal cemetery was almost on the way to the Dadja, so they also paid it a visit. It was really as boring as Steve had warned Bucky. He laughed a little about himself and his childish disappointment.

At the Dadja, Bucky burst out laughing. This was cheesy! And so un-Russian. American-Russian, so to speak, but he had to admit it had some charm! It was even worse inside. Overloaded and filled with samovars, icons, Russian Easter eggs and photos in baroque frames. The clerk - in Cossack uniform - greeted them warmly. They were the first visitors today and the man was already bored to his bones. They did a little small talk then wanted to borrow the uniforms for the pictures.

The clerk picked out their sizes and they swapped jackets and caps for tabards and high faux fur hats, the gauntlets replacing boots, they pulled over their jeans falling into a fit of giggles when finished over the sight the mirror reflecteded. "You're looking exactly like my tin soldier again!" Bucky chuckled and Steve replied: "You still have to grow into your uniform, I'm afraid." Bucky stuck his tongue out with his uniform really hanging a little loose on his lean body .

They let themselves be photographed, being satisfied with their outcome. They were very funny! They tipped the man alongside the photo fee, so he offered to make tea for them. The terrace was covered and they could get down there if they wanted, he told, while prparing one of the samowars. _Perfect_ , Steve thought. They accepted thankfully. On the terrace there was a roughly made bench and a small table in front of it. They put down their rain jackets and caps, looking into the rain, sipping the strong, hot tea. Steve's heart pounded wildly in his chest.

"Have you been here many times?" Bucky asked. Steve turned to him, pulling his legs and putting his arms around them. "A few times since childhood. Mom and Dad've often gone to DC with us visiting everything. I've always loved this place.“ „I understand, it's magical,” Bucky replied dreamily. "I'm happy you like it, baby." Bucky smiled at him: "Steve, you're hiding something from me, sending out all nervously excited vibes, I'm almost starting to wiggle about myself.” Steve looked at him in shock, indeed, his leg twitched nervously. Heforced it down taking a deep breath.

"Bucky, I would like to ask you something ...", he put his hand in his inner pocket taking out the small box. Bucky got huge eyes, going white, and covered Steve's warm hand with the box in it with his own. Bucky's hand was much colder, as always. Steve noticed it was trembling slightly looking down at their hands and the small box. He frowned. "No, Stevie ..." Bucky pleaded softly, "don't ask me that now. Please don't.” Steve's frown deepened with him having a thousand questions - none of them made it out of his head. The silence between them expanded to minutes ...

Steve slowly pulled his hand back to put the box back in. Bucky's hand fell limply onto the bench between them and remained there. Steve stared at it for a while. He was cold, he felt empty and hollow, and he still didn't know what to say. After all, what he'd wanted to say, to _ask_ was not wished for. He pressed his lips together and finally looked up again. The grief in Bucky's eyes made them look as gray and stormy as the sky above them, the floodgates of heaven'd opened even more, pouring thundering rain onto the wooden roof above them, matching its drama to the dramatic events on the quaint dadja's terrace. Steve miserably thought he would hate this place from now on, be hating it forever.

A tear left his eye running down his cheek. Bucky let out a sob seeing it. He swallowed hard. "Stevie ..." "No, you don't have to say anything," Steve found his language again, annoyance joining pain now. "I've gotten it, it was clear. Let's go, the weather is getting even more horrible right now.” With that he got up jerkily, put on his rain jacket, rammed his cap on his head looking anywhere but Bucky. He buried his face briefly in his hands, rubbing it firmly a few times. Steve walked from the terrace to the path waiting with his back to Bucky for him to follow. "Steve ...", he only reacted by squaring his shoulders.

"Come on finally. We're watching some show on netflix until the two of them are back home.” With that he started moving, away from the dadja, away from the terrace, away from Bucky and away from this humiliating situation. Bucky called again, desperate: "Steve!", But he didn't turn around, continued down the path, not very quickly, but steadily. A little further he was torn around by his arm. Bucky was in front of him, without his rain jacket, without his cap, dripping wet from the path through the pouring rain. The wetness on his cheeks was perhaps not only rain... His eyes were red and swimming with tears. He pleaded with his hands on Steve's chest shaking his head wildly.

"If you're asking me now, I'll say yes, Steve! Of course I'll say yes! Stevie, I love you! I've just never thought of getting married! That's always been something for other people ... and I don't know if ... ", he sobbed bitterly. Steve was still standing upright, quite stiffly, making no move to hug him or take his hands. He looked like he wasn't even listening to him, as if he didn't care what Bucky had to say. He clutched Steve's jacket, leaning his forehead over his fists against Steve's soaking wet rain jacket, his dripping wet hair on Steve's neck and chin made him shiver.

"You're gonna be wet to the bone soon, catching a cold." "I don't care." Bucky mumbled into the fabric of the rain jacket, barely understandable, relieved Steve had said something again. Bucky had been shocked by his stoic silence! He looked up again, pleading eyes searching for Steve's: "Do you understand me, Stevie? At least a bit? I want to properly appreciate the most important question of our life with giving you an appropriate answer. It's come as a surprise and I still don't know what I think about getting married. And if I had allowed you to ask me, I would have said yes immediately, without hesitation. What else could I have done, Stevie? I love you more than anything else in the world, more than my own life! "

Steve's hands finally found their way to Bucky's and he rubbed them gently so they wouldn't cramp anymore, besides they were freezing cold. "I just owe you a thoughtful, honest decision and answer so damn well, don't you understand?" Bucky asked a little breathlessly and with so much emotion and passion Steve had to swallow. And he knew he had to say something now, it would be cruel to keep silent any longer. He took a deep breath: "I understand you. But I'm also hurt, you have to understand this too.” Bucky's features collapsed again after they had brightened at Steve's first words.

"Steve ... I'm so sorry, I haven't wanted to," he whispered. "I've told Sam and Sharon what I was planning on and now I have to tell them you've turned me down. Damn unpleasant.“ Steve grinned a bit now, thank goodness. "You don't have to tell them. Just say it's been too crowded and you couldn't catch the right moment.“ „Because I'm such a good liar.“ „They're not going to bother you. You know that, they're your friends.“ „ _Our_ friends.“ „Whatever." A tremor went through Bucky's body and Steve suddenly became practical.

"You are soaked. I'm gonna take you now into the warmth running you a bath. You're having some chicken soup. Don't you get sick on me.“ „You want to cook soup for me?" Bucky asked, acting horrified. "Do not be absurd. I'm getting one from a Chinese take-away. Come on, you're shaking like a leaf.” That was true. Steve quickly ran back, getting the jacket and cap, helped Bucky into his jacket putting his cap on. Bucky reached for Steve's hands. "Forgive me?" His hurting heart was shown on his features and his eyes pleaded at Steve's as if life and death depended on his answer, getting his man all soft for him.

"Of course, baby. You have good reasons and every right to decide this your own way. I'm getting over my hurt pride, don't worry.“ „Thank you," Bucky whispered and Steve kissed him tenderly. "You're as cold as some fish!" He laughed. "As if you knew what a fish felt like," Bucky whispered, also laughing softly and very much relieved. "Come on, let's get you back home quickly." They hurried, taking a taxi, the subway would take too long with having to change trains twice. In Sam's and Sharon's street Steve got some hot chicken soup from the Chinese on the corner, while Bucky went up to the apartment peeling off his wet clothes. Steve wrapped him naked as he was - in fact the rain had soaked him down to his underwear - into several blankets running a bath. What a blessing there was one, they had none in their Brooklyn apartment.

When the tub was filled with wonderful warm water, he sent Bucky in, setting the soup on a low flame to keep it hot. Then he texted Sam and Sharon.

" _Fail. Unbelievable how crammed it's been, and that with the bad weather. Maybe I'm taking him on a camping trip after all. Without bending my knee, don't worry, Sharon!_ "

" _A pity! We could have celebrated together!_ "

" _I don't know if I could have endured both of you newly engaged. You can't keep your hands off each other as it is now – Just the imagination!_ “ - Sam, of course. " _But: yes, too bad, I've wished you well, dude._ "

Steve looked around the kitchen a bit, found some mulled wine from last Christmas heating it up. He took it to the bathroom, knocked, and when he heard Bucky humming in agreement, he entered. "And? Does that feel good?“ „M-hmmm.” Bucky sighed. His head rested on the edge, his eyes were closed. He still looked a bit stressed, but Steve would change that. "I have something for you." Bucky didn't open his eyes, smiled sleepily asking: "Are you naked now, too?" Steve chuckled. "Open your eyes, but don't be disappointed, I'm still dressed." "Too bad..." Bucky said, lifting an eyelid. He saw the cup in Steve's hand and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Mulled wine! Just right when you're frozen.” Bucky beamed. "Could only get better when you're finally undressing yourself." With that he took the cup breathing in the spicy scent of the drink. Steve thought it was too warm in his sweater in the heated bathroom anyway pulling it over his head, T-shirt right away. Bucky's eyes sparkled - probably not just because of the mulled wine - suggestively he licked his lips. Sipping he admired Steve's body, his muscular arms, the defined abdominal muscles and the thick streak of blond hair disappearing into his jeans. "Do you see anything you like, Bucky?" Steve teased. "Just enough to arouse my interest and not as much as I would like." "Greedy slut." "You love that about me." "Yes, I do."

Steve was settled on the edge of the tub looking at his boyfriend as admiringly as he looked at him. He loved Bucky's lean, pliable, cat-like elegance, his long limbs, his soft skin. It was still a welcome miracle to him how this small, supple body was making his own strong, broad and hard, muscle-packed one a shivering, needy, writhing mess every other night. Nobody seeing them together had the slightest idea about this, assumed the obvious and he thought this was boundlessly sexy. He gave himself a jerk and got up.

"Heh ... where are you going?" "I'm not going anywhere." Steve took some shampoo out of Bucky's washbag, taking the empty cup from Bucky's hand, going to his knees behind the tub. "Dive under, I'm washing your hair." "Oh, Stevie …" Steve started to work the shampoo into Bucky's hair rubbing it slowly into every strand making Bucky groan comfortably with Steve massaging his scalp so vehemently and tenderly in a perfect change. "Good?" "Wonderful. I love you. "" I love you too.“

„What time is it?“ „Why do you want to know?“ „How long's an FBI brunch about to go?" Steve looked at the little clock on the board above the sink. Half past twelve. "I'm afraid it's over soon." "Too bad." "Yes, too bad. Dive again, baby.“ Bucky did as he was told, and Steve's fingers combed Bucky's hair underwater, pulling the strands through the water to free them from shampoo. Bucky was leaving his face on the surface, only dipping the back of his head and his hair into the water. Steve kissed his forehead affectionately. When he was sure he had rinsed out all the shampoo thoroughly, he put his hands under Bucky's shoulders helping him up.

"Come on, I've put a towel on the heater." Bucky pulled the plug, got up, and stepped out of the tub held on his elbow by Steve. His boyfriend immediately wrapped him into the large, warm bath towel, rubbing him dry, put a second around his head, also rubbing his hair to get out the worst wetness. He gave him a bathrobe off the hooks on the door and Bucky slipped inside. He also got those cute, plush moose-head slippers he'd found in the hall closet telling Bucky to put them on. They made themselves comfortable on the couch and Steve got the soup. They launched Netflix.

Soon they stopped paying attention to the movie making out thoroughly. Bucky's skin was even softer than usual after his bath and only wearing a bathrobe was making his body easy to explore. Steve's hands ran enthusiastically over his stomach, chest, and thighs. Steve also hadn't put his sweater back on, and Bucky was just as eager to let his hands wander over the splendorous statue-like body next to him. "Steve ... you're terrifically glorious." "Glorious? And in a _terrific_ way?" Steve called out amused, "you've never said that to me before." „You _are_.“ „And you are a goddamn miracle. There is nothing in the world feeling anywhere near as good as the soft skin around your belly button.“ „Hm" Bucky said, shoving Steve's right hand between his legs.

"Baby ... There's actually something topping the velvety greatness of your sweet little belly, but you're freshly bathed, we don't want to mess it up, do we? I'm having me some taste, if you don't mind.", Steve lowered his head into Bucky's lap closing his lips around his half hard penis. Bucky didn't mind in the slightest dropping his head onto the backrest of the sofa gently burying all of his fingers in Steve's hair. He started, opened his eyes, pulling a little on Steve's strands. "W-wait ..." Steve paused, looking up at him. "I've hurt you so much. I don't deserve this. Please, just let me ... " Steve released Bucky's hard cock from his mouth with a plop. "Shut up, Barnes. You've already rejected my ring today. If you refusing to this as well, I''m getting a fit.” Bucky laughed a little weakly pushing Steve's head back into his lap encouragingly. Well, alright then!

When Sam and Sharon returned half an hour later, they were both properly dressed and in a good mood. "How's your brunch been?" Bucky asked. "Tiring," Sharon answered, "always the same conversations and always the same bland food. The champagne was too warm and the omelets were too cold.” Steve secretly admired her skillful lies. In truth, their friends had been in a double screening of 'The Godfather, Part One and Two'. "What do you want to do?" "Suggest something, you are at home here."

"How about the zoo? There are pandas and tigers and elephants!” By now the sky had cleared up . Steve and Bucky looked at each other. "How's the animal husbandry there?" Bucky asked somewhat hesitantly. "Exemplary. This is Washington DC and not Iowa.” Sam laughed. "Then yes, please show me them elephants!" Bucky beamed and Steve was staring at him, very much in love. The afternoon at the zoo was fantastic. Bucky was beside himself with joy because he was allowed to feed the elephants with cucumbers, and Steve fell in love with a panda cub behaving so clumsily while playing so it kept lolling around.

Sam and Sharon were happy. Their guests were having a great time. And they looked almost even more in love than usual. Sam had a moment with Steve alone when Bucky was at the toilets and Sharon got some animal food. "Steve, _have_ you asked him and the two of you are keeping to yourself? You're looking so ... happy! Even more than usual. Something must have happened.” Steve laughed. "Oh, I do not know. No, I haven't gotten there, but somehow we are in this special mood today.” Sam swallowed the lie. And Steve looked over his shoulder, eagerly waiting for Bucky to finally come back out of the washrooms.

Steve and Bucky had the next intimate moment when Sam lined up for some ice cream and Sharon had to go to the loos. "Bucky. _Oh my god_ , baby, I love you so much.“ „Stevie!" Bucky laughed a little shakily, overwhelmed by Steve's fervor. "You're telling me when you know what you want, are you?" "But Steve! Of course! I won't think of anything else in the near future and I'm gonna tell you my decision right away when I've made it.“ „Hopefully it'll be one making me happy." Bucky kissed him. „As long you are sure, _I'm_ making you happy...“ „You are, baby, you are.“

In the evening they played board games again, laughing and chatting and joking around having a good time. They spent Sunday on the water. Steve absolutely wanted to repeat the pirate boat tour with Bucky and afterwards they went on a crime thriller dinner cruise (although around afternoon). At 7:00 p.m. their flight went and Sharon and Sam took them to the airport. They all wished goodbye to each other warmly and with the firm promise to visit again soon. Back in New York Bucky and Steve were making love passionately, leaving each other exhausted and satisfied falling asleep completely exhausted around three in the morning ...

Soon everyday life was having them again. Bucky's 'buzzing' workshop required a lot of overtime, every potential customer had to be courted and convinced, and Steve had to prepare his students for their exams in May. Finally the summer holidays were on!

The second weekend in, Bucky had a surprise for Steve. Getting up long before him trying to make as little noise as possible while packing some things and loading his car. After he took off his clothes lying down back with Steve. He would soon get up running. He smirked when he noticed Steve waking up, was happy about the little kiss he gave him on his shoulder before getting up and when he heard the door snap shut, he went to the kitchen making an awesome breakfast. Today there would be carbohydrates for Steve, he decided.

Steve came back, hardly believing his eyes about Bucky being up - before eight on a Sunday! The lovingly set table and the tempting smell from waffles, bacon and fresh bread drove him to the shower in a hurry and when he sat down at the table with Bucky, he poured him milk coffee. "That's a wonderful surprise, baby." "Wait, it's not all of it yet." Bucky grinned mysteriously. "What are you up to, Bucky Barnes?" „Have some breakfast, sweetheart, everything's tasting better while still warm. And don't you dare sticking to your diet. Not today." Steve laughed: "Alright, alright. Get me all fat. You're gonna see what you're getting from it.” With that Steve took from everything feasting with great appetite.

"I'm cleaning up. Do you want to take a shower?“ „Yes. You can do something else for me if you want to be a good boy.“ „Nothing is better than being a good boy, except being a bad boy, of course.” Steve replied with a wink. "I'm coming back to that later. Please go pack a few things. We're leaving.” Steve's eyes widened. "Are we? But ... where and for how long?“ „To Swinging Bridge Reservoir. I'm taking you on a camping trip. I'm having time off until Wednesday. The meadow by the lake still belongs to the guy from back then and I've called him. He now rents the spot out regularly and even built a small wash house. And there is electricity. We're 30 soon and don't have to camp like highschoolers anymore, I'd say.” Steve was staring at him speechless all the time, then he threw his arms around his neck with a cheer. Bucky released himself patting him on the butt.

"Hurry up, I'm done in 20 minutes." With that he disappeared into the bathroom. Steve tidied up the table and packed some comfortable sports gear, swimming trunks, jeans and a shirt and his wash bag. Bucky was already toweling himself as he gathered his belongings in the bathroom. He considered for a moment, taking the ring out of his nightstand putting it in. Steve hadn't pushed Bucky, was willing to give him as much time as he needed to take, but Bucky taking days off? Maybe that meant he had made his decision. But if he took Steve to a camping trip ... Would that mean he wanted to gently teach him bad news?

Steve's heart was pounding in his mouth when Bucky came out of the bathroom to get dressed, he was still in front of the bed with his bag in hand. Bucky rummaged in the closet pulling out some jeans and a simple T-shirt, casual, matching Steve's look in trekking pants and a checked shirt. In the mirror he noticed Steve's discomfort and turned. "Hey, what's going on?" He eyed Steve, who forced himself to smile. "Oh nothing, I've been just thinking about this last paragraph of the book I'm writing." "Take the laptop with you, we're having electricity there. I have to take some work with me, too, sorry.“ „Don't be. You're going to have enough time for me, aren't you?“ „You can rely on that. Done?” Steve nodded. "Ready."

They arrived having stocked up on supplies and wine on their way there and got out. The property was now fenced and the trees on the bank had grown a bit, but otherwise the place looked like it did over ten years ago. They looked at each other, deep in memories, each wrapping one arm around the other, glancing over the lake. "Would you have dared to think we'd come back here as a couple over ten years later?" Steve whispered. "No, I've rarely allowed myself dreams like this, out of fear it would break my heart." "I'm sorry, baby." "Don't have to, I could have taken the first step."

"It's what it is now and that's all that matters." Steve kissed Bucky's temple. He hugged him a little tighter. They unloaded the car and inspected the small but very clean and modern wash house. A true luxury compared to their 'toilet', which was partitioned off by suspended blankets, or the sun showers from back then. In the house there was also a long power cable with a four-way distributor. The great army tent Bucky's grandfather had given him years ago was still set up at the push of a button and they now had somewhat more luxurious camping equipment consisting of automatic air mattresses, a tent lamp, double cooker and espresso pot. Bucky immediately filled it with water and coffee powder putting it on. They sipped the aromatic drink and decided on rowing out the lake first. They had tested the water and it was still damn cold, after all, summer had only just begun. 16 Celsius, maximum, Bucky guessed, but Steve, who was crazy, would surely go in anyway. _Without me!_

Once in the middle of the lake they let the boat bobb around and Steve took off his shirt in the warm morning sun. "This is a good idea," Bucky said, lounging on the boat's bottom between Steve's legs, leaning at him nestling his cheek against his chest. Steve stroked his hair. "Don't you want to take off your shirt too?" "You'd like that?" "Hm, yes, I just think it'd be fair." "Well." he leaned his now bare back against Steve's stomach pulling his arms around him. "This 's been such nice idea, Bucky. Thank you for bringing me here.“ „I hope I'm getting something from it, too.“ „Do you? Anything in mind?“ “For starters: sex in a rowboat?” Steve stiffened a little looking around. Nobody was around, the occupants in the next boat, probably anglers, were so far away, they could hardly be made out.

"I'm sure I'm getting seasick from that," he joked a bit. "Then you just have to be a little less wild than usual, the boat's not gonna rock so badly if you stay calm." "Don't know if I can do that." Bucky raised a shoulder. "There's only one way to find out." He turned a little clumsily in the confined space putting his arms around Steve's waist, planting delicate little kisses all over Steve's upper body. Steve leaned back a little, his hands on the bench behind the one he was on. Bucky's hands explored his back, running over his sides, ghosting around the hem of his pants' waistband.

"You're feeling wonderful, baby, and your skin's smelling so good, of sunlight and of you." Bucky straightened on his knees grabbing Steve's head to kiss him. Steve jerked forward with his lap, pressing his middle against Bucky's thigh, rubbing himself a little. "You're a teenager like that sometimes, Stevie." "As if the things we've done as teenagers weren't still fun." "M-hm, you're right …" with that Bucky put more pressure on the part of Steve's body which was getting harder quickly. Steve groaned softly. "If something's getting too tight for you, don't restrict yourself, baby, there's no dress code there," Bucky whispered and Steve immediately fiddled with his button and zipper. Bucky helped him out of his pants in the narrowness of the boat.

Then he ran Steve's strong thighs up and down with both hands, nudging him occasionally with his fingertips against his bulging shorts. Steves put his hands around his face. "Kiss me." He clenched all of his fingers fingers into his hair when Bucky made some serious attack on his mouth. Licking over it teasingly, putting his lower lip between his teeth, he tugged a little, his tongue danced wildly with Steve's, fighting for dominance and won. Steve groaned in his mouth. "Good, baby?" "Yeah, so good." „I just don't know where to start, as always, everything about you is so delicious. You tell me.” Steve shoved Bucky's hand down his body into his crotch, pressing it against his erection.

"Youre always that innovative, Stevie." Bucky laughed softly, but yet stroking the entire length up and down through the fabric of his boxers which were loose-fit to Steve's luck. "Do you know something better?" Steve hissed through his gritted teeth. "I'm still having something in my arsenal, but most of that needed a little more space. So your idea wasn't that bad.” Bucky's other hand pulled the undies's waistband down under Steve's dick, which was steeply up against his stomach already leaking a little with pre-cum. Bucky pulled further, under Steve's balls, which he massaged gently with the knuckles of his hand, pushing in, just enough it turned him on without hurting. Steve dropped his head back and jerking up his hips so his boyfriend could remove them annoying shorts.

„When you're all laid down for me in front of my eyes, the very picture of desire and lust like this, naked and trembling with anticipation and excitement, I could be eating you alive, Stevie, devour you, making you mine in such a vertiginous way, you'd see stars and galaxies, my name stammered by your sweet slack mouth brokenly“ “Are you going to do anything from all this now finally, just please so?” Bucky chuckled pressing two fingertips against Steve's asshole without warning. He made a small jump, pressing himself eagerly against the touch in an instant. Bucky's fingers were dry, the lubricant still in his pocket. "Wet your fingers, Bucky, come 'ere get some spit and keep going." „Steve ... shh, I've got lube with me." Although Steve's spit would probably suffice after all the years they have been having sex regularly (or better: often, so _very_ often).

"Th'n gohhh on," was Steve's unintelligible answer. Bucky didn't ask, took the small bottle out of his pocket commanding, "Turn around." "But I want to see you." "I'm not pushing your tailbone against the rudder bench, you're gonna turn green and blue." "Don't care..." Steve stubbornly pressed out. Writhing with impatience, the blush always taking over his face when he was turned on had spread all over his torso. "No way. You're getting it my way or not at all.” Steve looked mad for a moment, puffed and blew, glaring at Bucky who held his gaze, one eyebrow raised as if waiting for an disobedient puppy to behave. In the end Steve turned with a groan, stomach on one bench, forearms on the other.

"Here," Bucky held out his phone, "when you want to be watching us, turn on the camera." Steve giggled: "Oooh, in for a sex tape?" "Yeah, awesome, isn't it?" „Nnngh ... “, Bucky had licked a deliberately strong and wet stroke through the crack between his ass cheeks. "Not that bad on your stomach, isn't it, sweetie?" "Jerk." "Yeah, I know. Baby, lift your knees a bit for me, I'm getting a blanket under.” Steve obeyed shivering with anticipation about hearing Bucky open the bottle and the wet noises from smearing lube to his fingers. He opened the camera app and adjusted the angle so he had a good view over his left shoulder. Bucky noticed and winked at the camera. Then he was having more important things to do.

Bucky's stare at the work he was doing between Steve's cheeks was indescribable, and Steve had never seen him so consciously doing it like now with the phone's camera. Bucky seemed enraptured, licking his lips every other second, his features soft and ever so affectionate. He was looking like an angel... Except angels probably didn't do that dirty things. Bucky was in Steve's, two of his fingers bending against his prostate from time to time, constantly whispering naughty filth to him. Steve jerked a little to rut his rock hard cock against the bench under him. „Yeah, you're loving this, aren't you? Me getting your sweet little hole all loose for my cock. Can't wait to have it clenching around me, milking me empty, with you making all those sweet needy noises. God, Stevie, you're gorgeous, your pretty pink little hole's so beautiful, gonna make it so good for you, my sweet angel...“

He would have liked to eat him out – he loved doing that! But Steve still was a bit unsteady with it. Having it done to him in the living daylights – he probably had refused. Bucky kept working his fingers apart in him, Steve's balls in his other hand, rolling them gently, pecked Steve's tailbone, biting the curve of his ass lightly. Steve was shaking, sinking his teeth in his forearm to suppress a frustrated cry. What Bucky was doing to him was torture. He didn't want to, couldn't wait no longer And he was definitely ready and loose enough for sure!

"Puh-lease, Buck ..." he sighed. "I know baby, I want it too. I'm gonna be fucking you right now.” Bucky breathed hoarsely. The phone had been lying on the bottom of the boat for several minutes now. _Too bad_ Steve thought. He'd love to watch this moment. The moment something flipped in Bucky. The moment when the caring, responsible, tender lover he always was during foreplay, gave way to the greedy, horny, demanding man who also was Bucky. Taking Steve apart with merciless thrusts, or rocking slowly and deeply and purposefully into him when he felt like that, driving Steve crazy this way, literally losing himself in him, giving in to his irrepressible lust and passion taking what he wanted . Steve loved both of them - oh fuck this, he loved all of his Buckys indescribably!

He could hear his lover tearing open the condom pack - Bucky must be doing it with his teeth, he didn't have both hands free, as Steve was very well aware of. A powerful shiver ran through his body and finally, finally he felt Bucky's cock tip pushing against his entrance. "How much do you want me, Stevie?" His voice was dark with desire, rough with want. "Fuck me..."

When their breath calmed down much later, Bucky pulled Steve into his lap covering his face with kisses. He whispered silly little nothings to him. "Hach, Bucky ..." "All right, baby? Haven't I pushed you too hard against the bench?“ „No more than I've wished you to.“ „Good." They hardly had to clean themselves up, Steve's cum on the rowboat floor wasn't considered some problem and Bucky removed any remains of lube between his legs by hand washing them off in the lake. The sun warmed them comfortably. Steve was naked, but Bucky had just pulled jeans and briefs down a bit having them back in place again. He also put his shirt back on. His skin didn't tan easily and he quickly got sunburn. Steve put on his shorts stating dryly:

"Sex in a rowboat: check." Bucky laughed asking: "Are you hungry?" It was after two. "A little bit." Bucky took the oars, dipped them into the water rowing them back to the shore with powerful strokes. Steve put his clothes back on and Bucky made lunch with spaghetti and tomato sauce. They were eating with a good appetite before going for a hike. In the evening Steve made a campfire and Bucky prepared some salad with cream cheese crackers. They chatted looking contentedly and peacefully over the calm lake until the sun went down. "Steve ..." Bucky suddenly sounded serious. Steve looked at him in alarm. "Let's talk about getting married." Steve swallowed getting a little warm and cold at the same time...


	78. 'Jerk' means 'I love you', just in case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter I truly loved writing - enjoy. Pics at the end.
> 
> ************************************************************************************************************************************

**'Jerk' means 'I love you', just in case**

"When have you started thinking about it?" Steve caught himself and replied: "Well, regarding us, around after last year's Thanksgiving. But I've always wanted to get married. Ever since I've started to understand the concept of love, relationship and partnership.“ „Oh. That was early, wasn't it?“ „I was six and wanted to marry my mom and she explained to me that it couldn't be done and assured me I would find someone even better suited to me and then I would marry this person.“ „But she said 'woman', not 'person', didn't she?" Steve shifted a little uncomfortably. "Yes," he then admitted.

"Steve, whatever dreams and ideas you've had about getting married and a house in the suburbs, a white garden fence and babies ... You can't have that with me." "But Bucky!" Steve cried out passionately, "We _can_ have all of this if we both want to, can't we? Isn't that right, Bucky?” Steve's voice was a little higher at the end of his sentence. Bucky looked at him painfully.

"Barbeques with the neighbors? Suburban street parties, garage sales? I don't want to be part of Stepford's cute gay couple. To whom the housewives are giving casseroles and thrash phrases, because they are ever so tolerant. Steve, you know, society is still not as far as it claims to be. And just as I can only give you an answer if I am 100% sure, you have to understand that I only want you to ask me this question if you are 100% sure. And!", He raised his hand because Steve wanted to interrupt him, "I haven't started about the babies yet. And that's crucial, don't you think so? What has always played the biggest role in your imagination of your adult life?” Steve was briefly speechless and Bucky looked away. Steve _had_ seen the little unhappy flickering in his eyes.

"Bucky ... why don't you trust me to have thought about it? Because the opposite is the case: I thought it through thoroughly and this time - hold on - even more so than you.” Bucky's head jerked back to him. "Babies, Steve! You can't have children of your own when... with me.“ „Nigel and Chuck couldn't love Eli more when he was their own son.” Bucky sighed. “Neither Nigel nor Chuck can do anything with vaginas, just like me, at that. But _you_ can. If you want to settle down, buy a house in the countryside, have a couple of little Starks lumbering around you, then ... ", Bucky looked away taking a deep breath, "then maybe it's time for me to clear the field for... _anyone._ "

"You damn _bastard_!", It was not so much the coarse swear word that was strange and unfamiliar from Steve's mouth, not necessarily the volume, Steve quickly became loud. It was the poison and pain in his tone making Bucky's heart skip a beat. He looked at him again and Steve's face was contorted with grief, disappointment, lack of understanding, and anger. "You could have just told me you don't want to get married or say nothing more on the subject, be silent forever. What does it have to do with where we buy a house and what damn color the fence is and whether we might decide to adopt a child if I just want to know if you want to marry me? And instead of just saying 'no', you do entrench yourself in a corner to shoot at me from there, willing to give me up so I get what you think I need? I've never talked about a house in the suburbs or a damn white garden fence. Bucky Barnes, don't be such a damn coward. Look me in the face and tell me you don't want to marry me and I won't ask you again. "

Steve's fists were clenched and during his long angry speech tears had run down but his voice was firm and his chin was stuck out. Bucky had gone pale and his hand was shaking a little as he reached out for Steve. He looked at it as if he had never seen it before. Bucky pulled his hand back, letting it fall weakly into his lap.

"Steve ...", his voice was soft but carrying in the evening silence, "I want to marry you. I've already told you in DC. If you ask me, I'll say yes. Hell and devil, of course! I love you, you are everything I've ever wanted! Everything, simply _everything_ for me. I _want_ to marry you.“ „Why am I already waiting for a 'but'? ", Steve no longer sounded angry, just a little tired and he was no longer loud, he hardly spoke louder than Bucky now. The flickering light of the camp fire danced on his laboriously controlled features, his hands now buried in his pockets, but still clenched into fists. Bucky took a deep breath. "I can't keep you away from everything you've always wanted. I love you too much for that."

"What I want has changed. Call it, I've grown up. I want other things now than when I was twelve or six to stay with that.“ „Then tell me: What do you want today?“ „I want to marry you, spend the rest of my life with you. And everyone, the _whole world_ has to witness this. Couples like us have only been allowed to do this for 15 years. 15 years are a blink of an eye in human history. It is still a privilege today as it was for the first ones to do so. And I want to be proud we are a couple and show to the whole world. All the rest ... a house, a garden fence, little Starks ... that's just the details. They can be found when it fits or not, if it doesn't. "

"Stevie ...", it was only a breath, choked with tears but not unhappy sounding. Steve looked at him. Bucky had a napkin on the palm of his hand, something golden glittering on it. "Will you marry me?"

Steve's jaw dropped. He looked speechless from the ring in Bucky's hand to his face and back again. "Is this payback or why aren't you giving me an answer, you punk?" Bucky asked teasingly after a long minute. "Quickly put it in for a while again so it doesn't get lost. I think I have to punch you a little now. “, But Steve sounded very friendly, still completely knocked over but also relieved and ... yes, very happy. Bucky carefully folded the napkin back around the golden thing (an engagement ring!) putting the package in his pocket. Then Steve wrestled him to the ground. "How could you do this to me? What's all this been about? It's been some test? You're get something for that, I tell you, Bucky Barnes."

"Well, I deserve it, but first, what's your answer, Steven Stark? Will you marry me?” Steve straddled Bucky's thighs, holding both of his wrists against his chest, shaking his head in disbelief. "I don't believe I'm making this that easy for you now, but yes. _Yes, damn it_ , I will marry you, you jerk!” A relieved smile lit up Bucky's features. But only briefly, then an alarmed expression came on his face, because Steve now took both of his wrists in one hand, hooked his feet over Bucky's shins raising his free hand, wiggled his fingers, a diabolical grin on his lips. "Steve? Stevie, what's that about to be?“ „I've told you you'd get something for that. _That_ or I'm throwing you into the lake.“ Bucky blinked a few times. Difficult decision, both options were equally cruel.

"Okay, then I decide. This is more fun,” and Bucky literally screeched when Steve began to tickle him, his hands pressed against his chest in an iron grip. Writhing like some dying fish beneath him, fidgeting, but he had no chance against Steve, who put all his weight into it. And all the time he was gasping, laughing and squeaking hysterically while Steve was playing piano on his ribs, running his nails over his stomach featherly light, occasionally letting his fingers ghost through an armpit. And he hadn't even got under Bucky's t-shirt the whole time. That was level two, but for Bucky it was level infinite and he was afraid of it to the same extent he actually loved it ever-not-so secretly. If he didn't know Bucky sometimes was turned on as fuck from this, being helplessly at Steve's mercy, he might have more pity at the streams of tears running down into his hair. Well, perhaps.

Steve took a break, Bucky gasped like a drowning man. "I want to take off your shirt," he whispered. Bucky hiccuped a bit because he had swallowed quite some air. "A-and th-then?" "Then I go on. You haven't been punished enough for your dirty little prank.” This was only sex talk, Bucky knew that. And he also knew he could end it right away, but his body was on fire notwithstanding his torment, bitter-sweet torture this was... Adrenaline rushing through his veins, his cock was almost painfully constrained because it was so fattened up. Steve knew all of this too, looking at him so longingly, so hungrily and consuming, Bucky could only nod weakly. He let Steve take off his shirt and even brought his wrists back together himself for Steve's iron grip.

And from then on, his noises were of a much more erotic nature during Steve's ongoing little personal 'vendetta', which had meanwhile changed from tickling more to fondling. Alternating between feathery caresses and firm touches to sensitive parts of Bucky's body, the occasional pinch to a nipple or a not-so-tender-anymore scratch down his chest. Soon he was pushing his own rock hard boner against Bucky's. He let out a long needy moan when Steve drew all his fingernails from his navel to the black curls peeking out of his now open and slipped pants. He bent his fingers around the waistband of his undies, searching for an entrance with his thumb. Bucky lifted his hips invitingly, Steve had long since lifted his weight from him though Bucky was still writhing and squirming, but for different reasons now ...

Steve roughly pulled his jeans and briefs down, one of Bucky's indecent mini-speedo briefs. His fully filled cock jumped towards him, an angry red, tip already wet. Steve dipped the his thumb into the wetness, enthusiastically rubbing it in small circles over Bucky's cockhead. "Ste-heve ..." "What, baby? What do you want?“ „W-want you to f-fuck me. _Fuck_ me!” They were still rarely doing it that way. Bucky couldn't take Steve's killer dick like a champ very often. But when that aroused and turned on he was, with adrenaline pumping him up making his body literally vibrate like this, it was a breeze for Steve to prepare him.

Bucky was so impatient, urging Steve to go faster, not taking so damn much time, enduring his first thrusts with clenched fist and gritted teeth, his cheek pressed into the dirt beneath him, willingly sticking up his butt, towards Steve's looming body, towering strong and broad behind him Finally Steve was hitting exactly the right spot ... All discomfort, pain and burning were forgotten. He moaned loudly, groaning Steve's name pleading him to keep pounding into him at a merciless pace until he came with a cry. Steve, with Bucky pulsating violently and clenching around him, tipped over the edge releasing some considerable load into the condom, shaking and cursing. He collapsed on Bucky and his weight sent both of them to the ground.

"Ouch ..." Bucky breathed. Steve immediately rolled off him, holding the condom. "H-have I hurt you ...?" „ There's some stone under me.“ „Oh, baby, I'm sorry. About that, but nothing else.“, Steve chuckled. Bucky giggled a bit silly. "I guess, you animal." "Come 'ere." He laboriously and inelegantly got on all fours, had to orientate himself briefly before letting himself fall against Steve, into his arms. For a few minutes they were silent, Bucky gave lazy little kisses to Steve's chest where his head was, with Steve combing lazily through the sweaty strands of his hair.

"Have you really proposed to me?" He muttered into the night. "Uh, hello? You've said yes, don't you take it back.“ „I'm not even thinking about it.“ Bucky took a deep breath. "Let's go to our tent. And we should definitely do a little washing beforehand, we're sleeping in our sleeping bags for three more nights." Steve hugged him a little tighter. "Why you've done so?" Bucky knew what Steve was talking about. "I'm ... the older one." "Jerk." „I've wanted to make sure you believe me. When I'm doing it myself, actively, it's not just a reaction. It's not like 'giving in'.” Steve was silent for a moment, then he chuckled: “You are weird.“ „Well, yes, _thank you_. Come on, we're gonna talk in our tent, I'm getting cold. "

"You _are weird_ , It's a pleasantly warm evening." "Oh, Mister-I'm-never-cold, I'm drenched in sweat with a wet and sticky stomach _and_ besides _someone_ has fucked me into the dirt. I want to wash myself properly, put on cozy pajamas and explain to the love of my life what's gotten into me.“ „The love of your life's gotten into you,“ Steve giggled. "Punk." "Come on, go to the wash house, I'm getting you a towel and your pajamas." Bucky kissed Steve's chin briefly, standing up with shaky legs. He reached into his pocket for a moment, slightly panicked. _Phew,_ the ring was still there.

Later they were in the tent, showered and content, eating cookies. The tent lantern was bathing their surroundings in a warm orange-yellow light. Steve had also pulled up a bottle of wine from the well 'fridge'. "Am I getting my ring now?" "Ditto?" "Why do you think I've brought it with me?" „I know you a little.” Steve showed a pout, but the sweet, cute one, not the offended one. "Yes I have. But maybe I want to hear first what's gotten into you, what prank have you pulled up there? ”

"I haven't pulled up a _prank_ , Steve. I've been serious about everything of it. I've wanted to know whatever your most devoted dream in life is and I've been determined to ... step out if I can't fit in.“ „But ... you've got a ring - a damn ring - for me!And, and ... I don't get it, sorry ...“ „Hey, I'm not going to let my millionaire put a ring on me left empty-handed.“ „Stop kidding, explain." Bucky nodded seriously: "Okay. Stevie ... I've actually known for ages I want to marry you. I've just never formulated it like that in my head.“ „How have you formulated it?“ „For example like this: 'If I only can have you with me at all times, I'm happy' or 'I want to be with you until the day I die and since I'm dying when I'm gonna lose you, I've thought this to be very realistic. "

"B-bucky ..." Steve stuttered in an awe, deeply touched. "Yeah, I know I'm a hopeless case of gay drama." "But I like it!" "You are the boy who defended my honor saving my 'important homework for school' in summer camp and doing that you've saved me. Recalling what was written in there, that would have been a damn unpleasant ten weeks.“ „Oh, that was nothing,” Steve modestly threw the praise away. But his cheeks were flushed with joy. "You were the craziest punk and brawler I've ever met in life and I've been fascinated by you from the start. I've wanted to know everything about you, what you like to play, which books you're reading, your favorite food, what movies and shows you like. And we were having so much in common! You've loved the same things I've loved: Star Wars and the Lion King and Lego and Pirates and Pizza!“ „All kids love pizza,“ Steve laughed.

"I've heart-felt wanted you to like me, thinking I'm cool. I know I've not been cool but you've still liked me and liked to be with me and the summer with you in the camp was the best of my 11-year old life and ... Here I am, 18 years later and still devoted to and enchanted by you." Steve was speechless, hanging on his lips. Bucky had never told him all of that in every detail. "And then you've come to my school after the holidays! Can you imagine how crazy I was with joy?” Steve nodded, he had felt the same way. When he met James 'Bucky' Barnes from summer camp in the school yard of this huge frightening new school , he had been so relieved and overjoyed and all of this no longer frightened him.

"You know what? At first I've just wanted to be near you, to know if you're happy and you've _been_ happy. You've had an awesome family, a nice home. I've been satisfied with that, for a while... But when we've gotten older, I've had wet underpants at night and morning boners. Touching myself's became a pretty regular thing in my life and you've always played a role in my head while doing so. _Always,_ Stevie. I've thought about you so often when I've reached puberty knowing how your body felt, from grappling with you, I've known the tickling your hair's been doing to my cheeks with us always sticking our heads together over our Gameboys and I've known how golden your skin's been getting in summer when you've gone swimming often ...“ „You've stopped grappling with me abruptly one day ... " Steve was pondering.

“Must have been the day I've gotten all hard from it for the first time. If you've had noticed that, I would have died. I've been so embarrassed. But I've known you'd get there soon and I haven't wished for anything more than you thinking of me when you're touching yourself, because you've also known how my body's felt, or my hair and how my skin's been looking. I've been sure, nobody's been as close to you in your life – physically - as I have.” Steve dropped his eyes briefly, he had only started thinking about Bucky in connection to love, sex and tenderness a few years after his first nightly orgasms and morning boners, . "You don't have to say anything, Stevie. Ain't bad, baby, I know of all of that ... don't care now. I've just wanted to start at the beginning."

"Go on," Steve urged, looking expectantly at Bucky. "You've reached puberty and nothing in the slightest way indicated you've been seeing me differently than as a friend. And I've never met a boy able to compete with you so I've finally thought I might be wrong and it's just you and not boys in general. I've dated Charlie. She was the coolest girl in sophomore year and she's wanted me! That was a blast.“ „You've been thoughtful and interesting and somehow different from any other boy, you've been awesome!“ „Oh yeah, _different_ – gay indeed.“, they chuckled cozily. „We've dated for a spectacular three weeks and well ...“ „It wasn't working.“ Bucky laughed.

"When her older brother's kissed me in the garden shed, I've finally known I haven't been wrong about my sexuality, not at all wrong." "What? You've never told me!“ „Oh, it was embarrassing. Charlie's caught us in the act and it's gotten a bit ugly. She's promised not to tell anyone, it's been probably too humiliating for her, too and I've been quite fine with that. I've not been ready to be coming out yet. Everything was just crazy and weird ... and I couldn't get you out of my head, either." "Have you liked any boy after that?“ „I've never fallen in love, sometimes there's been some little crush, but you know that, calf-love...“ Steve nodded, he's had it a few times, with some girl.

“Then I went to Hawaii and had my first boyfriend there. We cuddled and kissed a lot and did a bit dry humping but one time I've whispered your name in the heat of the moment it was all over. He knew who 'Steve' was after all, I kept talking about you.” Steve looked a little guiltily. "Sorry, haven't wanted to be a cockblock." Bucky laughed. "Oh, I've been too scared of sex anyway! You're aware of the rest of the story. How I've come back from Hawaii with my underprivileged sophomore education from the military high school there, junior year at our posh school which I've terribly failed at and how I've ended up in your grade.

What was meant to go down in the annals as our wild junior year together. Oh Steve ... It was a roller coaster of emotions.“ „Yes, it was. And I'm still sorry.“ „Don't have to, baby. It was an unforgettable time I don't want to miss despite all the downs.“ „There are good memories too, aren't them?" Bucky laughed: "Kissing T'Challa and his stupid face afterwards was a definite high." Steve made a face, but then laughed too.

"When you've come back from Hawaii, you've been coming out to me. Have you been very disappointed with my reaction?” Bucky sighed. "You have to promise me you won't let it bother you, okay?" Steve looked a little scared. " _Okay ...?_ " "I've been devastated! I've put all my eggs in one basket hoping you would feel the same way as I've been. I've missed you so much crying my eyes out at times so I decided to give this one a try.“ „I've missed you too, insanely!“ „When I've told you I'm gay, what've you thought?“ „Hundreds of things, most of all I've been afraid you'd think I'd reject you, your sexuality, as I've been stammering around so awkwardly. "

"But there hasn't been anything like: 'Bucky is gay, maybe he likes me, would be making my dreams come true', am I right?" "Bucky ..." "Am I right?" Steve shifted uncomfortably back and forth. "Yes, well no, hasn't happened ..." he admitted. "I know. You would have told me, right? If only you had felt like a year later, when everything's had already become a habit after us not having been doing much with each other for a year.“ „Why's that been like that in your junior year when I've been in sophomore? Before that, it's never stopped us from spending a lot of time together, even though we've been in different years.”

"That was the first time I've given up on you. I've been a real champion doing that in high school, as you know,” Bucky said sarcastically. Steve shook his hand. "I'm glad you've been so bad at it." "Hm, me too. But I've been pathetic, actually.” He grinned. “It s also been very different to be coming out than I've imagined. I've thought someone's only had to give it a start and after the school would soon be packed with cute gay boys , from which I could find one to get you out of my head and heart.” Steve grinned too, now.

"But that hasn't happened. As far as I know there's been no openly gay boy at our school except you until senior, after Halloween there's been me and one or two lesbian or bisexual girls but no gay boy until ... ”, he narrowed his eyes. “Until spring's sports festival. Kent Dawson, he's been coming out at the award ceremony.“ „That's right, Kent, the swimming champion.“ „He's been sporting quite some cute ass in his tight swimming trunks.“ „Bucky!“ „He's inspired my swimwear style.“ „Well, then I'm grateful to him." Those Speedo all-over briefs in bright colors were just looking insanely sexy on Bucky's lean body, Steve thought.

"So you've deliberately removed yourself from my circle." "Yes, in a way. You've had Peggy and you've made friends with Sam and I've been looking for something I could never have found. Then suddenly you and Peggy was over and you've plunged yourself into a thousand things like debating club, the politicians' group, this Templar thing, where you've researched medieval European history. Everything's not doing something for me and all of it together with Sam who didn't like me.” Steve didn't say anything about that, Sam really didn't like Bucky at the beginning. His cocky demeanor and his mysterious manners were so completely different from Sam's nature. When Sam learned o know the 'real' Bucky, he very much preferred him.

"And I myself have tried everything where you can meet gay boys. Photography club, theater group, poetry and literature – I've been _desperate_ , I hate that kind of stuff - hip hop dance goup ... Everywhere there've been just tons of girls and boys being there for exactly that reason.“ „Don't you think maybe nobody just dared because you ... well, you've been the prettiest boy in the whole school!” „Sweet of you to say that.“ „You know it's true.“ „Well, maybe." Bucky admitted. He looked very self-satisfied in spite of being so humble. "Jerk," Steve smirked.

"Hey! That's been sexual wasteland! And I've expected so much out of junior high. Do you know how many girls have been hitting on me in hope I could have had an unexpected bisexual side or could be turned around by the right one?” Bucky grimaced. Steve said: “Back then we were all children, even you. You can't blame them. As you can see with me, it's coming late sometimes." "I haven't definitely looked like a late bloomer.“ „Of course not.“ „And at the end of the school year we've been seeing each other more often again.“ „Yeah, you've suddenly texted more often! I've been so happy, but you've never told me why!” Bucky smiled mysteriously.

"What? Spit it out, you can hardly shock me any more today. You've beaten me in a race proposing properly first, that's been sneaky.” Steve only looked a little annoyed by that. He enjoyed this conversation far too much, as he always did while getting down the memory lane of their lives together before and after the _Big Bang_. "Well, one more thing, then I'd like to finally put a ring on you." Steve leaned forward and they kissed a little while. "Tell me now." "A girl's come to me in theater group, whom I've hardly known, asking me: "You're the _very_ Bucky who's friends with Steven Stark? I've seen you there at their garden party.” „What? Who was it?“ „Hold on: Gamora Titan, the same one who is now married to Peter Quill.“ „Why has she asked you about me?"

"I've asked her, too. She said a friend of hers was Thor Stark, your brother, and he'd often talk about me, how I've used to go in and out at yours and how close friends we've been and he's thought it's been a shame I've barely let me be seen anymore around and his little brother Loki's thought so too and he couldn't imagine how it had to be for you, because your loss was the worst because I've always been your best friend. Then I've been thinking and realized I didn't want to do without you anymore no matter how much it'd be tearing me apart. I _could_ be your best friend, no, I've _wanted_ to! Even if I'm in love with you and ... well, you know how it's ended."

Steve stared at him. _Thor?_ Thor had given Bucky back to him! "I have to give Thor something really awesome this Christmas." "I'm also grateful to him. It's been suddenly like before and we've had a couple of fantastic weeks. Then you've been to Montana with my second pathetic attempt to give up my love for you within reach, but ... we don't need to talk about that because... ", he didn't tall any further. "... we have done so many times," Steve nodded, "but thanks for the detailed briefing about the time in which we haven't been close. I understand everything so much better now and it's all making so much sense ... "

"I have told you this whole story arc in its detail, because in the overall picture only one thing's still making sense and everything else would be nonsensical: let's get married." And with that Bucky pulled the folded napkin out of his pocket of his sports pants which were part of his Pajamas. "Wait!" Steve called, pulling the small box out of his travel bag. They sat opposite each other expectantly, cross-legged, their knees touching.

"You first, you've pushed yourself ahead." "Will you ever forgive me?" Bucky chuckled. "Maybe, but you'll have to make an effort." "I always do, baby," Bucky winked. "Then you'll have to step up." Bucky took a deep breath, swallowed and locked eyes with Steve:

"Steve. I know I can't love anyone the way I do love you. You are my partner, my lover, my best friend and literally the sun and air in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only with you. Steven Stark, will you marry me?” Steve looked at him with slightly open lips having tears in his eyes. "Answer me, baby," Bucky whispered.

"Bucky." Steve's voice trembled a little, but the beloved strength behind made Bucky's heart sing. "I have loved you for so long and could not love you more than now, but I've thought that yesterday and today I love you more than yesterday or the day before. I want to take the next single one right step into a new phase of our lives answering you with an honest heart and full of conviction: Yes, Bucky Barnes. Yes, I will marry you, of course I want to marry you!“ „Th-that was beautiful!"

They clasped all their fingers together leaning forward to share a long, affectionate, intimate kiss. Freeing themselves from each other reluctantly, they looked into each other's eyes. "Nobody kneeled down. Does it count at all?” Steve asked, giggling breathlessly. "If one of us gets on their knees, it's always getting dirty pretty quickly, not that suitable for marriage proposals," Bucky replied dryly. Steve burst out laughing. When he caught himself again, he wanted to know:

"Would you have laughed? If I had, in the garden in DC, if I would have gotten down on one knee in front of you, would you have laughed?” Bucky thought quickly, but Steve was in such a good mood and _hello?_ After all, they wanted to get married! They had to be honest with each other. "Probably. This is something which is so much you but not me at all and the contrast would have amused me, yes, I probably would have laughed. In the end you would have rethought and abandoned your life plans. Good thing I've stopped you. "

"No, not a good thing, it's been quite some blow.", Steve smiled with his eyes looking a little sad. Bucky tightened his grip on Steve's hands. "I've been insensitive, I'm sorry." "Are you going to put a ring on me now or do you only have a fortune cookie in that _Birds of a Feather_ napkin, having messed about with me?" Bucky looked at him with a heart-felt gratitude for not being resentful at all, so he was embarrassed a bit, but the delicate pink tint to his cheeks would fit quite well when putting an engagement ring on his loved one's finger, wouldn't it?

Bucky unwrapped the ring he had had made from the napkin of their favorite Chinese take-away in Brooklyn reaching out, Steve put his right hand into his palm. Bucky pushed the heavy, wide golden ring onto Steve's ring finger slowly. He knew Steve's ring size from last Halloween when he'd ordered a Dracula ring for him. Gold was definitely Steve's metal, while silver or white gold was much more suiting to Bucky's skin. Steve made out a few indistinct engraved lines, they would both be able to inspect their rings later, he grabbed the box next to him and Bucky put his right hand out into Steve's outstretched palm.

He took the ring out of the box, he had 'borrowed' one Bucky often wore on his right hand when going out, having the goldsmith measure it. Steve's ring was a perfect fit for Bucky's ring finger, the white gold was shimmering in the dim tent lantern like broken ice in the early morning sun. Bucky's eyes lit up while looking down at it. The gray-blue of them sometimes had a similar silvery glow. They were both silent for a while before Bucky broke the silence: "I need some more light, I want to take a look at my ring."

Steve got his phone, tapping the flashlight app. Bucky admired the delicately chiseled lines and broken fractions running all over the ring looking like ice crystals on an old window. Then he discovered the unobtrusive five-pointed star in it, cleverly hidden and only to be made out for an initiated observer. He drew in a breath. "Stevie ..." he whispered breathlessly. "Beautiful!" "I'm happy you like it." "Stop it, I _love_ it! The ring is fantastic! Tell me, you've designed it all on your own, haven't you?“ Steve shrugged: „Unfortunately I haven't been able to fit an X-Wing Fighter on it, sorry.“ He winked. Bucky swallowed looking at him with shimmering eyes: „You're a punk, It is... this is... I'm overwhelmed, baby!"

Bucky threw his arms violently around his neck kissing his face, wet and smacking. "Stop it! When have you transformed into some labrador, _kitty_?” Steve protested with a laugh. Bucky giggled shakily at the nickname nobody knew, the one Steve only used when they were alone. Then gave a few tiny kitten-licks to his jawline, his cheek playfully. "That better?" "Way more just like you, indeed. Can I have a look at mine now?“ „Yes ... no! Wait a moment. Have you had engraved something?“ „Take a look.", His flashing eyes made Bucky super curious quickly pulling the ring from his finger holding it into the light so he could see the inside.

The delicate writing was tiny and Bucky narrowed his eyes. When he was able to decipher the words, his jaw dropped, he had to laugh, couldn't stop until the tears started to fall and he was crying and laughing all the same. The words were _unconventional_ for an engagement ring, only to use a word for it.” “Jerk means 'I love you', just in case." Bucky looked at Steve with loving eyes when his laugh had died down and his tears had subsided. "You're something. I love you!“ Putting the ring back on he admired it again extensively.

Steve coughed tapping his ring. Bucky took the phone from his hand putting the flashlight on it. The wide golden ring was flat but ten millimeters wide. The majestic wings of an eagle could be seen in the lightly worked-in lines, but only when one was looking closely. Tiny letters and signs were engraved between the wing's feathers like superficial and inconspicuous. Steve held his hand closer to his eyes, turning it back and forth a little so he could make out the beginning of the series: 'S H S & J B B'. Between the eagle's wings there was another tiny emblem: the figure eight, lying on its side. The symbol of infinity ...

Steve looked Bucky in the face with utter admiration. "This is... I'm astonished!“ Bucky shrugged almost apologetically: „I've given the goldsmith some basic ideas. I'm not an artist like you, with even my handwriting looking like chicken's scrawl. It's all his work.“ „But this idea is awesome! So thoughtful and...thank you, baby.“ "I have the impression you like it." "The impression I like it? Do I like it? It's incredible! Gorgeous, Bucky! I will never take it off again ever in my life so I don't run the risk of losing it! I've never had anything that beautiful in my life." Bucky wrinkled his nose at the unbelievable statement, but when Steve said: "Yes. Of course I have, I have got you.“ Bucky had to blink violently with the hot tears coming to his eyes. Steve smiled curiously: "But that's not all, is it? There's still a surprise in there, isn't it?“ „Check it out, baby.“

Steve took off the ring. The generous width of the ring gave plenty of space for an inscription. The letters were tiny but sharp and the engraving was deep, not as subtle as on the surface. It said: "Doomsday: 10/26/2019. The day I became my punk's fate since he has been mine forever.” Steve's brain was literally flooded with memories of the distant day when they became a couple. And the fact Bucky's ring said 'jerk' and his said 'punk' made his fist go up to his mouth, he bit into his knuckels to suppress his sobs. Bucky hugged him without a word kissing him on the head. Steve let his tears run, what was the point in not doing so? And Bucky cried a bit, too, because he was feeling the same...

They took a dozen of pictures of their hands, individually and together, sending out the news. Steve's message to Sam had the caption: " _He HAS asked, loser!_ " The caption for Sharon was nicer: " _I'm engaged! Bucky's even had a ring, the most beautiful one in the world!_ " Sam texted back: " _Is he drunk?? Who in the world wants you? jk, congratulations, that's fantastic!_ " Sharon sent a hundred emojis (hearts, wedding cakes, bells, rings, churches, thumbs-up, bridal bouquets, angels and finally a vomitting emoji. " _The two of you are just nastily sweet!_ " Steve had to laugh. To Shuri Bucky had only sent a picture of the ring on his finger and her reply came immediately.

It was earliest morning in Wakanda, but she liked to call this time 'my productive hours, when sleepyheads like you turn around again. That's not how you're getting the Nobel Prize, you groundhog.' Her text said: " _Why are you sending me a picture of your jewelry? Oh, wait, no!_ ” Bucky's cell phone buzzed, incoming call. "Hello princess!" " _Iiiekh_!" Shuri shrieked through the ether. Bucky winced holding the phone a little away from his ear. When the glass splintering screech was finished, he picked the call up again. "Little one?" "Tell me!" Shuri called. "Well, yep. Properly engaged and soon off the market – This poor world will crumble.“ „Yeah, of course, you pavonine peacock.“ Bucky lauged: „No more immoral sex for me." "If you're no longer having immoral sex, I'll come over to strangle your golden boy. You love immoral sex!"

Bucky chuckled. "I have to keep informing people here, I'm calling you back again soon, okay?" "Pfff, informing people, you only want to hit the sack with your fiancee. You are one insatiable man.“ „Yes, aren't I? Which is wonderful, I think.“ „Of course that's wonderful. Go, have a blast! I love you, White Wolf!“ „ And I love you, Your Highness.” They hung up. The next text came from Tony's to both of them: "You're making us so happy, the both of you. This is the right thing to do! We do love you boys.“

Bucky got a message from Peggy: "Congratulations. A big step. Daniel inquires whether you are still only wearing fake nipple piercings. :p“ Bucky had to laugh. Thor texted: "Steve! You gonna make me an uncle soon? That'd be fantastic!” Loki was his reserved self, but no one in the family resented him for it: “Congratulations and all the best.” Peter texted: „Aaaaw, this is awesome! I'm in tears! Love xxx Peter“ Congratulations from friends, acquaintances and co-workers were flattering in for a while. Bucky's parents weren't reacting ...

It was long after midnight when they finally came to rest, packing away their cell phones. They settled down for the night. Lying on their sides, facing each other, looking at each other deeply in love. "Are you all right?" Steve asked. "Everything's perfect," Bucky replied. "I love you." "I love you too, even more." "You jerk." "Which means 'I love you', as I learned." "And that's true. You'd better believe me.“ „I do so." "Bucky?“ „Hm?"

"Make love to me." Steve's voice was deep, vibrating with anticipation and desire. Bucky closed his eyes briefly, enjoying the shudder trickling down his entire body. "Oh yeah, Stevie, baby, I'm gonna be making love to you so, so tenderly you won't know what's up and what's down and you won't remember your own name, floating on a cloud of bliss... There'll be only one word left in your mind. Well, two: 'Bucky' and 'yes'." Steve groaned when his fiance closed his mouth with a possessive, passionate kiss ...

The next day, they had eggs and bacon for breakfast, and Steve went on to work on his recent text book, Working Title: Gold Rush in San Francisco, and Bucky was comparing prices online from parts dealers. Both kept looking down at their rings. Steve wondered how Bucky, indebted as he was, could afford this exquisite piece of jewelry. He was of course doing a lot of research on the subject of gold and the material of the wide ring alone was worth thousands of dollars! Bucky's ring had cost Steve a little over $ 8,000, but ... well. He didn't know whether to ask, whether he _could_ ask, money was a ticklish topic with Bucky. But he didn't want Bucky to overstrain financially ...

For lunch they went to a local fish restaurant. They had never gone fishing again after their first cruel 'fish murder' over ten years ago. Steve put down his espresso cup looking at his ring. "Incredible. But you really shouldn't have thrown yourself in like this. Anyone who knows me would have found a simple, narrow golden hoop to be suitable. I love the ring, but ...“ „Steve, what're you going to imply?” Bucky asked, still amused, but a small line between his eyebrows was already giving some sort of alarm.

"Ach, you've told me about the ugly letter from your bank two weeks ago regarding your request for a delay in paying some fees. Your charm's saved you at the appointment but... ”, Steve shrugged a little helplessly. "Are you afraid I've sold my body to pay for your ring?" Thank God, Bucky was now much more amused than watchful. "Bucky..."

"Just so you don't have to be afraid, I'm thrown into debtors' prison: I've actually sold something and it was worth more than my body, definitely more." Steve thought feverishly. " _No,_ Bucky ..." he groaned. Bucky's pride and joy and his most magnificent possession, which adorned the space above the station clock in his workshop, was the original chrome-plated exhaust of a 74 Harley Davidson and he had often been offered a lot of money for it by customers who appreciated it. "What? It was just a piece of metal.” Steve was briefly speechless. "But ... _Bucky!_ You've always been so proud of it! "

Bucky looked at him: "Stevie ... The guy who's bought it from me is a poor lonely imp who has nothing in life that he loves or which's meaning a lot to him and I've realized how happy I can consider myself to be and how well I'm having it. It was a mere thing and its importance has been put into perspective. Call it I've grown up,” he teased Steve in his own words. „You...“; Steve stopped, touched as he was. "What, _jerk_? Never stop calling me that, in the end I don't remember anymore that you love me.“ „I _do_ love you. And you love me. I'm your punk.“ „Yes, you are. Don't worry. Everything is fine. I haven't got this Harley exhaust anymore, but I've got a fiance and I prefer that, by far.“ „You need some new decoration for your workshop.“ „I'm gonna ask Shuri if I can have any crazy prototypes from her tech - lab. She can't say no to me, so chances are given."

Steve chewed his lower lip looking at Bucky uneasily. "What is it, baby?" "Shuri still has no one, right?" "Not that I'd know. Why do you... Oh Steve, what do you think? Shuri is not in love with me and she never was. I'm not her type. If someone were to be afraid of her advances, it would be you.“ Steve looked shocked. Bucky laughed: “She likes men who are twice her size, all muscles with broad shoulders and powerful thighs. The one time she saw me in swimming trunks, she laughed pityingly. _Ouch_ , I can tell you. Then she went in without a word making me a peanut butter sandwich giving it to me with the following words: 'Has Steve to be searching for you coat hanger when the two of you are in bed together? Get something onto your bones!” He laughed at the memory. "As I've said: _Ouch._ She's merciless, my princess."

Steve laughed with him, getting serious again, leaning forward so no one in the restaurant could hear him: “Bucky, your body is just fantastic. Firm and hard in the right places and soft and cuddly where I like it. Shuri is just confused with taste.“ „It's a weird compliment, but thanks.“ „I'm serious. You're sexy as fuck and I'm crazy about you.” Bucky smiled, Steve was looking around guiltily if someone could have heard him. "Dessert in our tent, future husband?" "Oh yes, please." They got up immediately, went to the counter to pay quickly, going back to the camp at speed limit. Bucky's coat hanger body skillfully took apart his muscle man, who loved it. Coat hanger Bucky no less of course...

In the afternoon they were in the row boat on the lake. Bucky said, "You know, we _should_ buy a house." Steve jerked up in surprise. "Seriously?" "Why not? It's getting a bit crammed in our apartment and I want a cat.” Steve groaned. "Really now?" "Can I get a cat, Stevie?" Bucky looked at him pleadingly. Steve, who knew Bucky had always wanted a cat, leading a life til now which was making it impossible, got a bit touchy-feely and replied, "Let's buy a house, for us and your cat." Bucky was beaming at him like the sun making Steve so happy. Simply incredibly happy ...


	79. House Hunting with Hindrances

**House Hunting with Hindrances**

(Back on the barbeque)

Of course a lot of details were missing from their narrative of the events, but it was definitely romantic anyway and there were sighs with one or two tears shed. After everyone wanted to see their rings admiring them appropriately.

The party gathered the whole group together again. Thor was an event manager just starting up a small agency. In addition, he occasionally played in a rock band with Peter Quill, who made his living from these gigs and as a performance artist. He and Gamora, who had a private security service, lived in New Jersey with their three children. No small number of women were at Thor's feet. He regularly went out with some. It could be taken for granted there was happening a little more than just holding hands... But he had never gotten over Jane Foster.

Loki was already a celebrated theater director on New York's Broadway while still getting another degree in Educational Theater at NYU. He was single, but that wasn't bothering him. Loki had been skeptical at the concept of love, sex and tenderness from an early age. He was satisfied and happy with just himself. Loki's only close friend from high school, Nebula Titan, was getting her masters at engineering at MIT, she had received the coveted scholarship after two years of field work at Stark Industries to which she still kept coming back each of her vacations.

Peter was 13. A highly intelligent boy with top grades in all subjects. He was an endearing nerd. He had a small but fine circle of friends - just like his father - and since he didn't do English or social sciences as clubs in middle school, luckily his big brother was not his teacher. Dr Strange, now 50 and still an imposing figure, valued the polite, kind, amiable boy very much. Peter was involved in all sorts of school projects, all teachers liked him, and he was the first Stark boy at Dr Strange's school never causing a problem.

Dr Strange had even come to Stark's barbeques for three years because his colleague, Professor Steven Stark, had invited him to do so. That was no longer inappropriate. Unfortunately, he had to cancel this year. In his free time, Peter kept tinkering with his father in the workshop. He was overjoyed. Perhaps Peter would continue his work. And he was such a joy to his dad having so much fun together Tony sometimes burst with happiness and pride.

Pepper's analytical mathematical mind and her extraordinary business acumen hadn't been inherited by any of the boys, so one day the management of Stark Industries would be transferred to a hired manager. She was sometimes sad about it, but then she quickly remembered how great everyone had developed. They were good, independent boys, _men!_ Everyone with their own will and everyone with a big heart and all of them were family people. Tony and she had done a lot of things right. She too was overjoyed and enraptured by Steve's engagement. What was the whole story about those two having been a big topic in their family for a while? And Steve's future husband was ... _oh well_ ... she was just a woman and Bucky Barnes was ... quite some feast to the eye...

Natasha and Bruce were of course there and the twins. Pietro was a successful dancer also teaching in his mother's school. He was still quite some casanova. Love came and went, with men and women ... After university - a reasonable waiting period later - Wanda had married her professor Paul Vision and was six months pregnant.

Harold "Happy" Hogan had met a charming Italian widow, May Parker, a few years ago and was vigorously wooing her. She hadn't wanted to commit herself for years, but they loved each other and had a somewhat relaxed but good relationship.

James "Rhodey" Rhodes was of course still Tony's best friend, firm as a rock, his anchor and home. Rhodey was 63 now and still an attractive man, just like his truest, almost lifelong friend. He was having a passionate but casual relationship with a man 20 years his junior. He continued to spend most of his time with his family of choice. Peter loved Uncle Platypus with to an extent.

*

After the barbeque, the two fiancees rushed to find a suitable house and sometimes they fought that violently so every now and then each secretly thought he did not want to get married at all anymore. _Getting married to this weirdo who seriously wants 17 sockets in his kitchen?_ (Steve) _I must have been crazy to promise a man to marry him who doesn't care about a $ 36,000 a year surface water fee!_ (Bucky).

It soon became clear every house Steve was considering was simply too expensive to buy or maintain, worst both, in Bucky's opinion. Meanwhile, Steve rejected every house Bucky liked because it was too small for him, who had grown up in a spacious home.

After another bitter argument, they sat down again at their desks with each of them writing down the umpteenth list of what he really wanted, what was out of the question, and what was negotiable.

Common points were:

Closeness to the family

two study rooms

spacious bedroom

at least two bathrooms

a garden

Negotiable and thus on the best way to common points were:

Low energy house

a walk-in wardrobe

having a basement

large garage

spacious kitchen

However, what they had in common was not the problem, but rather their points that did _not_ match:

Bucky categorically declined:

a swimming pool

a higher price than 860,000

maintenance costs higher than 36,000 a year

a winter garden

Owners' associations

Kitchen / living room combination

Steve couldn't let go of criteria such as:

at least 4 bedrooms

third bathroom

Fitness room

Caretaker service

Real wood parquet

Panorama windows

With their new lists, they sat down at the small kitchen table again in the evening to compare them and discuss everything in peace again. Steve was revolting again when Bucky emphasized the words 'in peace' so strangely: "If you would let me finish once, when I even mentioned the words 'swimming pool', I certainly wouldn't have gone mad." "Oh no, this darn pool is still your greatest wish!“ „You are starting again, why are you so against it? You've always loved our pool back at my home!“ „Well, I didn't have to clean that one!“ „But that's part of the job of the caretaker service!“ Bucky put the back of his hand dramatically against his forehead calling desperately: "The caretaker service!"

They went in circles.

It was no wonder their real estate agent, the steadfast Janet Hollister, who had been in business for 30 years being best far and wide, became almost exasperated with the two of them. At first she was delighted. Mr Stark, a teacher, was on vacation during summer holidays of course and so she went on the first sightseeing tours with him alone, now that he had so much time on his hands. Mrs Hollister had been recommended to them by Chuck and Nigel, whom were not the only couple in their group of friends in the community to purchase home through Mrs. Hollister. She and Steve were chatting excitedly each time. Steve, as she should soon address him, was enthusiastic and quickly interested in houses which promised a decent profit for her.

She quickly realized that none of the spec sheets he gave him to present to his fiancé had his approval. So they decided Janet should go on a couple of tours with Mr. Barnes, either early in the morning or after he finished work. In order to save time, she had him pick her up at home on Thursday evening and when she came out at the appointed time, a Pick-Up, shiny, very well-kept and of a rich azure color, was turning into her driveway. Loud music came from the lowered windows, to her surprise it was a song from this old Disney movie with that stupid snowman. 'Let it go,' she nodded to herself, remembering the song title.

The car stopped in front of her, the music died off, and the man stepping out was strikingly handsome, in tight jeans and a well-tailored Boss jacket, in a color flattering his bright eyes. The man Steve always spoke of as 'Bucky' introduced himself as James Barnes politely urging her to hurry, but with gentle emphasis. Bucky had sent her a few key dates about his own home wishes, and with that she'd realized the two men had different ideas about the amount of money to be invested.

Well, she also had houses in the price range Mr. Barnes wished for, so they drove off. James Barnes looked a bit like a real LGBT rally from head to toe, no, even down to his flashy car and musical taste. Working with gay men was her specialty, and always a welcome opportunity to use a little more of the flowery language in which she liked to talk about real estate.

She thought briefly of the moment Steve had asked her if there was a lot of dog barking in the neighborhood of one of the homes she presented him. His fiance was worried his sensitive cat could suffer. She asked him gently about the pet and Steve had explained to her they did not yet have a cat, but wanted to get one and Bucky was convinced the cat which would one day choose him as its human in an animal shelter was certainly to be very much sensitive. Janet Hollister thought she was well prepared for Bucky Barnes.

However, Mr Barnes was not as chatty as his fiancé preferring to read the spec sheets to the house they went to every time. For this reason, he had suggested leaving his car behind and taking hers. Janet Hollister had sold houses and apartments to some gay men, but Mr. Barnes was the first gay man in her customer base to be an engineer. She should quickly learn to hate his questions about the objects. Not that she didn't have all the answers to them, on the contrary, she was very professional, but her flowery language was right in vain with Mr Barnes. For example, when he asked for the exact date of installation of the electrical lines, or when he wanted to know when it was the last time the health authority had carried out a comprehensive examination of the bacterial load in the cistern.

In one house, they were going on a morning tour, which was a torture with Mr Barnes, he was always in a very bad mood, he'd asked sarcastically whether the somewhat old-fashioned boiler actually came from the same model range as the ones on the damn Titanic and at the next one he eyed the 'reception committee' suspiciously, consisting of a group of power walking women who approached them when they were just leaving the house Mr Barnes had exceptionally liked introducing themselves to him as proud members of the neighborhood's owners' association. The 'Stepford women', as Bucky had secretly christened them, immediately made the house an 'out of the question object'. When she dropped him off in front of their apartment building, Steve was just coming from running greeting them friendly.

He quickly noticed the real estate agent was pissed behind her polite, friendly mask. Apparently she hadn't gotten along well with Bucky and he decided to join again next time so he could act a bit like some shock absorber on his fiance with the strict home purchase criteria. And this experience turned her world upside down. The meticulous house automation freak, the man, known to her as taciturn and sober, some morning grouch from the book, turned into a charming, enchanting and amiable fairy tale prince who was literally bouncing from room to room, chattering and laughing, pulling his broad-shouldered fiancee after him. When he stopped in front of a pretty bay window, he clung to Steve's upper arm with shining eyes literally purring:

"Look, Sweetheart, here, right here I'd put the most plush, fluffy, huge cat bed for the kitten you are giving me, it is such a magical place and when the sun's shining in like it's now it's cozily warm. Cats love it snuggly warm, just like me, aren't I, Stevie?” Mr Stark's eyes looked completely dazed, it almost looked like he was scratching his fiancee behind his ear like you'd do to a cat - all what was missing was Mister Barnes starting to purr - Janet Hollister, a New York real estate agent in her fifties who thought she knew everything about people, understood the world no longer, and for the first time in her life she thought about the possibilities of early retirement. A cottage in Tuscany, Italy, Europe. Just far enough away from this crazy city!

Thanksgiving coming soon, Bucky and Steve had to make a difficult decision. Either they had to say goodbye to their dream of starting a married life together in their shared own home or postpone the wedding. They put the wedding on hold, sad and with the intention of going into themselves again and getting thorough advice once again about the criteria both of them were having for their home. The brilliant idea was given to them by Tony Stark for Christmas. There was this one house they really liked, even both of them, but it wasn't a low-energy house, which was now essential on their common list. The price was therefore significantly lower than for other houses the same size and location.

Tony Stark presented Bucky with a comparison of how much it would cost to have turned a house into a low-energy house, what was horrendous, and a list of measures and modernization of existing devices if you could completely do without help from the outside – speaking, when being an engineer! Bucky's eyes lit up reading beautiful words like compression coil replacement, heat exchanger filters, and condensation stoppers, and he immersed himself in them technical terms for quite a while. After he was beaming at his future father-in-law:

"That's ingenious, Tony!" "Amazing as it's coming from me," he replied dryly. Everyone laughed. Peter dropped down next to Bucky. The fourteen-year-old looked at him pleadingly. "May I see?" "Sure, Pete, here you go!" The boy delved his curly head into the papers, while Bucky roughly outlined for Steve that his dad had given them a chance to buy their dream house for Christmas. In addition, despite all upcoming measures, they would still have a good $ 37,000 left over from the budget they had set up. It was a real Christmas miracle! "Ah, Bucky!" Peter cried out, "I've installed the condensation stopper myself in my bathroom upstairs, last year. It's a no-brainer. I can do that for you in your house! May I?“ „If you enjoy it, little one!“ „Well I'd do so!"

"Dad, that's great! Thank you so much! How long will it take?“ „I have to do all the work myself, otherwise the costs will explode very quickly,” Bucky replied thoughtfully. "You are an expensive professional group, you engineers, Bucky," Loki remarked, who was standing behind his little brother looking over his shoulder while reading the list, too. Bucky laughed dryly: “When I take a look at the salary I'm paying off myself on my balance sheets, I can hardly believe it. Steve do you really want to marry such a poor fellow? It's a real descent.”, Mockingly, he let his eyes wander over the luxurious surroundings. Steve laughed at him: "You're my little Oliver Twist." "I'd prefer Cinderella, so please, Steven." Thor chimed in: "I'm gonna give you a housewarming party after moving in!"

When they later went to bed, Bucky offered his fiance the prospect of being able to do all the work until spring break, having gladly accepted Tony Stark's offer to wire him the photovoltaic system for his birthday, which was a damn tricky and time-consuming process. "You can pack our stuff together during the holidays, we don't take much with us and when we're living there, it's also much easier to furnish the house."

"Is spring break gonna be enough time for your closet, sweetheart?" Steve grinned at him. "You can leave your clothes here to save time, so we can not only modernize the equipment in our house but also your wardrobe a bit!" Bucky replied maliciously. "Naughty boy! Just be careful I won't be leaving _you_ here!“ „You won't do that, Stevie! We can get married in summer! What do you think of 13/8/31, nicely symmetrical!“ „But Bucky, you've wanted so much to get married in winter!“ „Waiting so long? Just think of health insurance."

Steve had excellent health insurance through school and his spouse would be covered as soon as he got married, at no extra cost. In his private health insurance, Bucky was statistically in some risk groups: male, single, dangerous profession, self-employed. The insurance rate was a significant item in his current expenses, as was the supplementary insurance in the event of an accident at work for him and his employees.

"When I get rid of that, maybe I can finally pay me a higher salary than Rosita Who's coming to clean up." "Well, everything you want, baby.”

*

A few days later, Pepper was in the city attending a play with Loki. Tony received a most welcome call.

"Hello child prodigy! Would you like to see my stupid old face again?” “Platypus! I see your old stupid face every other day, but can't get enough of it, as you know. But don't expect me to crawl into your bed again naked.” Rhodey laughed out loud. "Put the drinks cold, I'm there in half an hour. Let's talk about the good old days.” “The good old days? When times are so good now?” “They are, of course. But what would we be without the times we've gone through together?” “Do you want to make me cry? Come here and try!” “Don't challenge me, Tones.” “Scared Rhodes?” “Dream on, Stark!” Some half hour later, Jarvis let in James 'Rhodey' Rhodes. His 'boss' was looking forward to his old friend ...


	80. How to make friends: Tony Stark style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures at the end of the chapter. :-)

**How to make friends: Tony Stark style**

"Aaah, that's good ...", Rhodey sighed after his second Scotch on the Rocks, stretched out on one of the cozy sofas in the living area of the Starks. "Yes, isn't it? Life is beautiful.” Tony replied. "Steve' getting marry! That's awesome. You, you and Pepper, have done everything right, as I've told you years ago. The boys are all good men. And Peter is almost as old as you'd been when I met you, child prodigy.“ „We're getting old, honey bear,” Tony said, but with little melancholy, his life in happiness left little room for feelings like that . "Older, but not old, Tony. They're keeping us young, your boys.” That was true. "Do you remember the night we've told Bruce and Happy our sweet secret?" Rhodey laughed. "How could I've forgotten this?"

(November 2001)

Tony, Bruce, Rhodey and Happy had made themselves comfortable on the spacious couch set in Tony's chic penthouse apartment. The evening slowly came to an end after the four men had already destroyed a couple of six bangers while they exchanged vividly about all sorts of things.

"Pizza?" Their host called out enthusiastically. Rhodey grinned, "You Italians can be eating pizza day and night." Maria Stark was born Bianchi, an old family from Florence. Tony smiled thoughtfully. "Or lasagna." His grandmother Paola Bianchi prided herself on making the best lasagna in the world. Tony was completely in her opinion until he was taught better at the age of 15. He and Rhodey shared the story with Happy and Bruce.

(1986, MIT, Spring Break)

Tony Stark's first semester break was imminent. At his father's command, Tony had to make up his mind about either staying in the dorm or going home. However, his parents would not be there. They were in Argentina on a business trip. Inviting him there obviously wasn't in Howard's mind. Stark's butler Jarvis and his wife Veronica would take care of him, he'd said, when he wanted to spend his vacation in his parents' villa.

Tony phoned Jarvis, who loved the boy. His wife was adoring him. Jarvis of course denied himself any criticism on his boss, but seemed mildly surprised Tony wasn't wished to come to Argentina. Since Howard Stark had forgotten to inform him the young Stark might come home and needed them, his wife and him had been very happy about the vacation for themselves planning on taking a Caribbean cruise.

Of course, he immediately offered Tony to cancel their trip. Tony lied like s trooper about how comfortable he was at university, how many interesting people he met every day, how many friends he had already made and finally that he really wanted to stay MIT, as some of his awesome new friends would be there during the holidays. Tony had always been very convincing. The butler wished the boy happy holidays and hung up. Tony hung his head.

"Hey, Starksey! Are you looking forward to the holidays?” James Rhodes was in the doorframe, had missed that phone call. Tony looked over at him. "What is it?" The younger man's expression spoke volumes. "I ... can't go home. Mom and Dad are not there ... nobody is there. “, His voice had become quieter with each word during his speech. James didn't know what to say, but he did know what to do. "Can I use your phone?" Tony handed it to him. "Just a moment." Rhodes went into the hall. Meanwhile, Tony went back to his half-finished essay on thermodynamic fluctuations in unstable turbines. He knew he was close to the solution.

"Pack up some of your stuff...!", James almost slipped the nickname "little one" out again, but that was Tony's sore point and he swallowed down the bad words. "You're coming to Philadelphia with me." His family lived there. "Assuming your parents allow it," he added. It was strange to have a 15 year old at university. "As if that is of interest to them," Tony replied gloomily. Rhodes carefully closed the door sitting down opposite the younger one.

"Listen: Of course your parents are interested in you. You are the child prodigy, a genius!” He looked at him intently. “They probably think you are much more capable and independent than you give yourself credit for. Man, if I ever had a child solving exponential equations aged six and calculating algorithms in their head at the age of ten... ” (Tony had revealed this to his roommate some night in, although it embarrassed him to sound like a show-off.) "... then I would be quite scared and I would feel so stupid so I'd probably constantly ask the little one how they wants to spend their day, because kiddo surely knows better than I do."

Tony knew his mother sometimes was a bit frightened of his giftedness. But as for his father ... well, he had expected only the best from his only son, always pushed him to be even better, even more extraordinary. For example, Tony was fluent in Spanish, French, and of course Italian, and was reasonably well versed in German. To the regret of his mother, a piano virtuoso, he showed brilliance in the theoretical understanding of music and the technical mastery of the instrument, but no musical passion at all. Piano pieces just weren't his kind of music. "Call your parents, Tony," James held out the phone. "My family's asking you over. They'd be very happy to get to know you."

*

Tony was warmly welcomed into the Rhodes family. In an instant he was obviously one of them. The guest room was small and crammed, but Tony liked the warm and cozy decor. Everything was so different here than in the Stark Villa. For example everyone was always in a good mood. Momma Rhodes was singing and chanting all day while she was doing her work. James' older sister Mary was studying veterinary medicine having an actual zoo in her room with wing-injured birds, a stray cat about to give birth, two abandoned hedgehog children, and a coughing hamster which kept the family on their toes. And then there was James' grandmother.

Tony had politely introduced himself to her on the first evening: "I am Anthony Stark, Ma'am, James' roommate at MIT." The chubby woman in her late 50s with a good-natured face laughed out loud. "Ma'am! Am I the Queen of England? I am Grandma Dilcey for everyone here in this house. With that also for you as long as you're staying here.” She eyed him sharply. " _Anthony?_ Are you an Italian. You look like one too, if you ask me.” Tony blushed not knowing what to answer. Rhodes rolled his eyes. "Grandma ..."

"What? I've always thought the Italians were the cutest. When I was young and beautiful, Sergio, the chef at Bella Venecia, the best Italian restaurant in Philadelphia at the time, made me the best lasagna in the world and I've convinced him with a lot of determent .. “, she winked impishly, "... to give me the recipe." She giggled. "You're going to see that tomorrow, Anthony. Tuesday is lasagna day at the Rhodes'. You have never tasted a better one in life and you will never again.” James shook his head amused. His chaotic family definitely overwhelmed the young Stark. Not even close...

"I'm dying to find out. Grandma Dilcey. You've got some immense competition.” Tony grinned at the old lady. "Challenge accepted, boy," Dilcey replied, and James felt his eccentric grandmother and the child prodigy had been hitting it off there. Grandma Dilcey was soon very fond of Tony. He had honored her lasagna giving his own grandmother's a miserable second place.

"Then have yourself another helping, my child. God knows you can use it. The boy is too small and too thin, isn't he, Norma? ”, She turned to her daughter. Rhodes froze briefly, relaxing when Tony laughed. "Grandma Dilcey, if you're making me fat and I'm no longer growing, I'm gonna have a problem." "Oh, you're still growing, boy. How old are you?“ „I'll be 16 in May.“ „Oh yes, Jimmy told me. 15 and already at university. So you're a child prodigy, right? Then try to beat me in Scrabble.“ „Challenge accepted! "

The scrabble tournament was extremely enjoyable with James' grandmother being some true boss at it. Mary kept trying to cheat by inventing words and creative explanations for those very words. James watched the only real competition between his professional Scrabble grandmother and the young genius who had somehow ended up in his dorm room, and whom he didn't want to do without anymore. He had never seen the boy this relaxed and happy. Shit, what went wrong in the Stark's home? Dilcey won. Scarcely...

"You haven't played fair, boy. You've let me win out of respect.“ „I ... well, I don't want to be insincere. I could have placed my last word more effectively, points-wise, but where would the challenge have been? You wouldn't have had a chance after that.” Grandma Dilcey looked at him seriously.

"Listen, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this. There is no doubt this is necessary, so I'm telling you: never hide your light under a bushel. Never just give your second best just because you don't want to hurt anyone. Sometimes you're only getting one chance and if you are hesitant or too polite you're gonna lose. In a game like Scrabble, that's not too bad. But in life things will happen to you, little one...” Her grandson winced, but obviously his grandma was allowed to be calling Tony like that with impunity. "One day you'll only have one chance to do the right thing and on a crucial matter at that." "Grandma ..." James sighed. Tony looked fascinated at the older lady. "Oh, just leave her, Jim, she's right. Of course she is right!” He smirked. "Another go on Scrabble?" This time Tony won with hands down ...

*

James Rhodes passed the guest room on his way to the bathroom. He stopped dead. The choked sounds behind the door alarmed him. He opened the door switching on the light. Tony panicked up from his sheets, frantically wiping the tears from his face. Neither said a word for a few moments. Rhodey's heart contracted strangely. "Dude ..." he managed to say with difficulty. "Yes, damn it," was Tony's pitiful answer. "All of you are so _nice!_ " James thought feverishly about a suitable answer.

"Come on, just don't fall in love with my grandmother now," he finally admitted dryly. Tony started before having a fit of laughter with his friend. "But she's simply a great lady!" "She's eating you skin and hair," his friend smirked. Their laughter subsided. They looked at each other seriously, nodding. "Good night, little one." This time James dared to use the bad words. Tony sniffed. "You'll see, I'm still growing, Rhodey." Rhodey (probably his new established name) put out the light pulling the door shut behind him. _Poor kid_ ..., he thought.

Tony should be right. He was still growing. Six centimeters. After that his height remained at 1.75m.

(November 2001)

Bruce got another beer out of the box. He could have said a few words about Tony's parents. However, his friend hardly ever talked about them. They had been killed in a car accident when he was 21 and while Tony had been very attached to his mother, he still had a deep grudge against his omnipotent father. He seemed to be ashamed of it, but couldn't do anything about it either.

"What did you mean by not falling in love with your grandma? Did he have a crush on your sister?” he asked instead. Rhodey and Tony looked at each other bursting out laughing. “I would have had some good chances with that. She took everything small and helpless into her room.“ Happy and Bruce knew, of course, from the stories their two friends have told them that Tony had not always been as confident as today.

"Our Tony had a little sexual confusion almost exactly 16 years ago," Rhodey began, glancing at his friend. He grinned, shrugged indifferently, nodding encouragingly. James gave the story of the naked boy in his bed. The two men, for whom the story was brand new, curled up in laughter. "Happened to me at Caltec all the time," Bruce chuckled. The other men stared at the shy physicist in disbelief. "That's been a joke!" Everyone laughed again. Men drinking too much beer were pretty silly.

"What would you've done if your plan hadn't worked out?" Happy asked curiously. Rhodey waved away good-naturedly. "I was drunk. I would have kissed him a little bit before falling asleep.“, He wiggled his fingers. Tony looked at him acting hurt.

"Wha-at? That would have broken my heart! Falling asleep ... I can't imagine what that would have done to me.“ „Come on, you'd still have gotten an unbearably cocky and vain peacock“, Rhodey laughed. "You'd better have taken me back then. Something better is never again - _Alakazam_ \- popped up in your bed that easily.” Tony replied. "You've been too small for my liking," was his dry answer. Tony was much less concerned about his size these days, not detracting from his popularity with women at all. So he just stuck his tongue out at Rhodey in response. They all giggled again - they really were being silly.

It was their first evening together in ages. All of them were very busy men. Tony and Bruce at Stark Industries, Rhodes had a steep career in the army and Happy, a former college boxing champion, had just opened a martial arts school. They all met regularly, at work, of course, Tony was working out at Happy's and James visited his oldest friend as often as he could. He was stationed in Washington and there were flights every hour. Today, however, all the four of them were finally together again. They had become Tony's family over the years. He loved them all very much.

"How's redhead?" Tony asked Bruce between two large bites of pizza. Chewing hastily he swallowed. He replied somewhat embarrassed: "Nat is fine. She's visiting her cousin in Portland right now.” The topic was a little uncomfortable for Bruce. After all, his girlfriend Natasha had only flirted violently with Tony for a while, going out with him a few times to get to know Bruce through him. Heaven alone knew what the popular, spirited, wildly curly red-haired beauty had seen in him, but Bruce just happily took it as it was.

Tony, who had been pretty half-hearted about Natasha anyway, had actually been a little relieved. There were no sparks at all flying between him and the intern. Which was no wonder. Natasha had a crush on Bruce and Tony secretly loved Pepper. The fact Natasha had essentially helped Tony with Pepper in the end had made the two of them, if not friends, good comrades.

The frustration at not being able to break through Pepper's stoic professionalism had made him vulnerable to the 'attack' of the perfidious Miss Romanov. Perhaps, he thought at the time, Pepper would be a little jealous. Pepper told him much later - they had been married for years - that she had indeed been furiously jealous, but would rather have died than let him know.

(March 2000, Pepper's 26th birthday)

"Miss Potts!" Pepper looked up from her mountain-high stack of papers. Her boss was leaning against the door frame, frowning. "I've noticed in our calendar that you've entered half a day off today." "Well, sir, I hope that's okay. I have something on this afternoon“ "I don't like it when you're having something on." Pepper sighed. She wasn't up to _anything_. She never had anything in mind. Her whole life was all about Stark Industries and Tony Stark. She had lied to him.

"Sir, I deeply regret this, but it's my birthday today." Tony remained motionless. He kicked his own ass inwardly. How could he have missed that! "Oh, so it's your birthday ..." "Yes, indeed, imagine. Every year and always on the same day.” Was she annoyed? _Did_ she care about him? He feverishly considered a suitable answer.

"Then go buy yourself something nice from me." Pepper had an unlimited company credit card. "Do you know what, Mr. Stark? I do. A nice gesture, thank you very much.” Tony noticed she was still angry, but he couldn't make up his mind about what to do about it. He had already tried everything with her. She just didn't like him. She probably even considered him annoying. He sighed.

"Would that be all, Mr. Stark?" "Yes, that would be all, Miss Potts." He turned to go. "Happy birthday." "Thank you, sir." He turned on the heel. "Coffee, Miss Potts?" "I'm getting some for you, Mr. Stark." "No." Pepper looked at him in surprise. „No?“ "I've meant, would you like to have some coffee with me? It's a nice day and your birthday.“, He looked at her pleadingly. Let me make up for it, his eyes seemed to be saying. She smiled. "Gladly. I'm getting my coat, sir. ”

The reason why she claimed on having something on was simple and terribly complicated at the same time. Not on her birthday, of all things, did she want to watch Natasha Romanov stroll in at around 6 p.m. as if she owned the executive floor. Tony and the young intern would be flirting with each other like every day. The crackling exchange of lines hurt Pepper every time. She was not very experienced in dealing with men like Tony and women like Natasha. Otherwise she would have felt how rehearsed and contrived all the teasing and frivolous comments from both of them were.

When she started working for Tony Stark as his assistant, he had a lot of charm, was funny, amiable, sometimes pretty cheeky, and not rarely a little naughty. She just didn't know how to handle, she wasn't at all as savvy as he was in flirting. So she kept her cool professionalism rebuffing her boss half a dozen times. Sometimes she was lying awake for hours, annoyed with herself because she finally remembered the witty and funny responses that more clever women than her automatically let out. Women like Miss Romanov ... She had been a little hurt at how quickly Tony had given up. But it was better that way. She couldn't have resisted him for a long time and one of the short romances for which Tony Stark was notorious at Stark Industries would have broken her heart in the end.

Pepper bought a stunning dress on her corporate credit card on her free afternoon. Her conscience reassured her she could wear this dress at one of the company's many charity events, so it was, so to speak, work clothes. Too sexy for work clothes, actually, but Pepper was so beautiful in the expensive dress, she just couldn't leave it hanging in the store.

The hour in the espresso bar on a side street near the company quickly became a daily ritual. There they were talking less about work and more about all the other things moving them. Passions like theater and art, which were loved dearly by Pepper, while Tony did a lot of unusual sports to balance his work, such as facade climbing, martial arts and aqua-biking. They always had a lot to tell each other immersing themselves in the other one's world, their worlds outside of Stark Industries.

One or two lunches soon joined the coffee breaks and when Tony casually asked her a few weeks after her birthday whether she would have dinner with him in the evening, she happily agreed. They had become friends. Yes, she was still in love with him. How could she get over him, they were spending so much time together. But she was content with what she had. _Friends_ \- that was much better than being a discarded ex-lover, she thought.

*

Rhodey and Tony smiled at those memories... "I've never asked: What have you actually had in mind lunging yourself out into Natasha's orbit?" Tony laughed, a bit tormented. "Well. You know, small curvy curly heads have always been my thing.“ „But there was no chemsitry at all between the two of you!“ „Well, that's right. I've thought ... that's a little awkward now. I've thought I could find out if it's making Pepper a little ... well, jealous. I've wanted to test the waters.“ “Dude, you're calling yourself a genius?" Tony laughed: „Hasn't been my best strategy. Luckily I've got rid of her to Bruce neatly.” „You're so mean.“ „Everyone involved is more than happy about this, aren't they?“ Tony defended himself. Rhodey shook his head, smiling. "How very true..."

Tony in his first year at MIT:


	81. Steve Needs an Exclusive Tutorial

**Steve Needs an Exclusive Tutorial**

"Mr Barnes!" The brunette man, a little small but well-trained, called. He was about his age and came up to him with his hand outstretched. Bucky came out of the back of his workshop wiping his hands on a rag. He was startled. Something about the man seemed familiar to him, and he seemed to know him anyhow. "Do we know each other, Mr ...?", He asked politely, smiling while he took his hand. "Zemo, Helmut Zemo, we went to high school together, I've been two years below you." "Helmut? The student I've been tutoring?” Bucky smiled more widely now. "The very. At least you've been my tutor, but not the best, if you take a closer look at it," the other man laughed. Bucky grinned wryly.

"I hope you've still received your certificate after I've graduated." Zemo laughed: " _Dazhe s otlichiyem_ (even with distinction)." "I'm pleased to hear this." Helmut Zemo was looking pretty good. Very dark eyes, an even face, finely drawn lips and a fair skin. He couldn't remember exactly what he looked like in high school. "I call that a coincidence! You showing in here with me, in my workshop.“ „It's not a coincidence! You've been recommended to me. My car's making strange noises even though it was just being inspected. I no longer trust the Chrysler workshop and I told some colleague about it. He's told me about you. Now I'm here.” Zemo grinned.

"May I ask who was kind enough to recommend me? This person deserves a giveaway!“ „I don't think he wants one. He already has something better than some windshield protection with your company name on it.” Helmut winked. Bucky thought he was a little weird, but new customers were new customers, so he didn't make a face, just shrugged. "You can't make everyone happy with windshield protection." "I was just kidding, Mr. Barnes. My colleague is Steven Stark.” Bucky's eyes widened.

"Steve?" "I'm a sports and Russian teacher at Sanctuary High. I've been there as a trainee for two weeks. It's been kind of strange to come back but it's also very nice on the other side.“ „Yeah, Steve's exactly felt he same.“ „Can you squeeze my car into your schedule, Mr Barnes?“ „Bucky, please. Yes, that should be doable. And for a colleague of Steve's ... give me your cell phone number, Helmut. I'm texting you when it's finished.” Zemo briefly explained to Bucky when the strange noises appeared and where, wishing goodbye.

Bucky texted Steve:

" _Thank you, baby, for the free advertising. I love you._ "

" _Free? I'm about to expect a lot of attention and sexual favors for this._ ”

" _And I love you too._ "

Bucky smiled briefly at his cell phone going to work. He didn't find the mistake straight away and also had a few orders he had promised to finish today. He asked his second chief mechanic, Ricky, to take a look at Zemos Chrysler, maybe he was thinking of something Bucky couldn't think of. But Ricky also had to admit shortly before closing that he had no idea. Bucky texted Helmut Zemo:

" _Helmut, I'm heartbroken, I have not yet found the problem. That doesn't happen to me very often. When do you need the car again?_ "

" _Tomorrow? I have to go to a three-day training course for trainees in Stamford and I have to confess I have a rental car trauma._ ” Bucky chewed his lower lip. His company was still young, he could use every satisfied customer!

" _I'm taking look at it again, but I can't promise anything!_ "

" _You are wonderful, Bucky!_ "

" _Don't praise me too soon!_ " He texed Steve:

" _It's going to be late today, baby, sorry. I don't know how late._ "

" _I'm going to have some beer with your new customer. So he can wait for his car and I can wait for my favorite mechanic._ "

Bucky drove the car onto the motor power testing station again, set the car treadmill to 30 kmh adjusting the automatic of the electric motor to 30kmh. While alone in the workshop listening in the, unfamiliar silence, he was able to localize the strange noise better. He stopped the car driving it over to the pit. There he found the mini speaker. It was cleverly attached to the chassis. Stark technology. But where was the transmitter? He sat down at the company computer trying to connect it to the loudspeaker. If he succeeded, he would find any other device synchronized with it. Hacking into Stark technology was hard, but not for him. He had practically grown up with it and his future father-in-law had taught him one or two tricks. But it was taking time.

An hour and a half later he found the device in question. A mini-StarkPod, operated with thermal energy. And now that he knew what he was looking for, he found it in the engine compartment, well hidden. Someone in the Chrysler workshop seemed to hate Zemo. This was a nasty prank. As a test, he drove back onto the lift, leaving the devices on his desk. No more noises. He put the mini-pod in the engine compartment, taking the speaker into the driver's cabin testing it again. The noise came from the loudspeaker in his hand. He texted Zemo:

" _You can pick up your car tomorrow morning._ "

_"I'm right there, if it's not too much trouble for you. I have to go to Stamford very early in the morning._ "

_Gosh_ , Bucky thought, now I have to sit around and wait for him. And that with Tony and Peter coming to work on the roof the next morning... He sighed.

" _Please tell Steve I'm even later!_ "

" _Consider it done. I'm hurrying._ ” Bucky tidied up and scanned bills for the digital ledger while waiting.

Zemo was there by an uber 25 minutes later. It was already nine o'clock.

"Someone played a trick on you. Unfortunately, the trick's costing you $ 287.” Bucky smiled regretfully. "I'm giving you 300. I owe you that." "But no, it's not necessary. I didn't have to use any spare parts after all and ...“ „I've hidden the devices myself and you letting yourself be fooled is worth a $ 300." Bucky blinked at this turn. "I've wanted to keep you busy. I've succeeded. You know what, I'm giving you $ 500. It was so much fun.” Bucky wasn't able to come over his confidentiality. "Mr Zemo, I don't know what you're talking about, but I can't accept that, feeling a little uncomfortable with this conversation to be honest."

"Oh, I often have this effect, so don't worry about it. Take the money. Book it as a generous bonus. Buy something nice from it or get Steve something. He's waited a long time for you, as so often.“ Bucky's eyes narrowed. Zemo tossed some bills on the counter holding out his hand. "My car keys?" "Take your damn money back. I don't want it and I don't need a new customer either, my schedule is pretty full.” Zemo laughed at him.

“Steve's told me about your pride and stubbornness. I now know what he's meant.“ „Aren't we all complaining about our partners in the pub?“ „Tell me, Bucky.“ „Mr Barnes, please.“ „Look at this, suddenly so buttoned up. How's Steve supposed to call you in bed? Sergeant? Or _kukla_ (doll)?“ „If he wanted you to know, he would have told you himself. Now take your money, here have your keys. I insist on you never coming back in my workshop again.” Zemo carelessly put the bills into his pocket, caught the keys Bucky threw to him to avoid touching his hand.

Bucky stared after him as he disappeared into his car. What a madman! He showered quickly and hurried to get home.

Steve watched TV, barely raising his head when Bucky came in. "Steve! I have to tell you something.” He looked up now examining his fiancee. His cheeks were slightly red from his inner turmoil, his hair was still damp. Steve's eyes flashed with interest. "Have you gotten his car fixed?" "Yes, he's been pretty pleased about it. I've thought at first someone played a bad trick on him, you won't believe what I've found in the chassis …" Steve interrupted him: "It's taken you a long time. That's a strange coincidence, isn't it? Helmut Zemo, your former tutoree from Sanctuary High is now my colleague and in need of an auto repair garage.” Bucky frowned at that.

"And lo and behold, some past crush of his is a mechanic today." Bucky shook his head impatiently. "Steve, I don't know what you're talking about. I can hardly remember him ... The tutoring's taken place mainly online. I've been just about to tell you what's been hidden in Zemo's car. It's really bizarre, Stark tech ...“ „Has he tried to hit on you?” Bucky blinked while Steve went on: “All the time in the pub he's just been talking about how he's been admiring you and your talent for languages, how outstanding your Russian was. And when he's gotten your message, he's had a very strange expression on his face, somehow foggy-brained." Bucky's thoughts were doing some very serious summersaults in his head at this. What was Helmut Zemo up to?

"Steve, I have to tell you now. Please don't interrupt me anymore. It's crazy and I hardly believe it myself.” Steve looked at him curiously. "You're sounding serious." "It _is_ serious." Bucky sat down with his fiance, who turned off the television looking at him intently. The concentrated line between his eyebrows Bucky loved so much appeared. A wave of tenderness swept through him and he sighed. "Oh, Stevie ... I love you." He often called Steve this when his emotions had him under control. Steve had known this for a long time pulling him close, feeling his tension and unsettledness.

"Oh god, baby what's happened?" Bucky told him everything. The whole bizarre meeting in the workshop also admitting Zemo scared him. Steve never interrupted him, holding onto him caressing his face gently, giving his back soothing rubs. "I've told him to never show up again. How has he behaved towards you over the evening?“, Steve was silent at first, thinking. He was stunned. This whole story was batshit crazy! He believed Bucky, and yet this was outrageous and bizarre, he didn't understand and called out, "I'm going to confront him! Tomorrow.“ „Oh, Steve, I don't know. Don't feed the trolls. Better ignore him, otherwise he's feeling important. More important than he is.“

"He's been very much in love with you in high school." „Then why should he have let me ponder over his car for so long? He's seemed more keen on spending more time with you! Let it go through your head again!“ „That's certainly some trick. Some people have bizarre pick-up strategies. He's been making a very interested in you impression on me. Probably it's turned him on to think about you poking around in his… engine compartment with your pretty nifty little fingers.” Steve sounded a little condescending when saying that. Bucky raised his eyebrows and snorted:

"Well, in any case, he hasn't been very charming to me. How he's thrown his fucking money onto my desk, laughing in my face because I've worked on his little prank for hours. Does that sound like romantic interest to you?” Steve shrugged. “Quirky hit on, you're used to that. Has something of a stalker ... But maybe he's just weird. "

"It is different this time. Something about the guy is really creepy.“ „Helmut Zemo and creepy? His stuttering and blushing when talking of you has been rather awkward to look at. As you've said, don't make him more important than he is.“ „How did he know I'm always working late?“ „Maybe I've mentioned it.“ „Have you told him about our time in the army?“ "No, why?" "Because he knows I'm a sergeant." Steve raised his eyebrows. "Well, he just seems to be watching your career very carefully." "Or yours." "I don't think so." Bucky didn't know what to do or say anymore.

"What if, after all, high school's been a long time ago, Steve. This is absurd. He's some weirdo. Who's hired him? Dr Strange must have lost a little bit of his brilliance.“ „Helmut's been transferred to Sanctuary High through integration process for immigrants. After all, there are only a handful of high schools in the states where Russian is taught at all. It's had nothing to do with Stephen.” Bucky hadn't really got used to Steve sometimes calling their former strict but oh-so-attractive the same headmaster by first name. "Well, he's definitely going to throw in some color to the staff room."

"Bucky ..." "Hm?" He had closed his eyes leaning his head against the backrest. Steve looked down at him. He looked a little deranged. His hair was streaky from running his fingers through too often, while it was still damp. He was a little pale, lines of stress under his eyes ... The pulse on his neck could be seen because it was a little overstretched. Steve's face grew hard. "Oh, Buck ..." Then he kissed him, all ten fingers in Bucky's messy hair. He gasped into Steve's mouth from the stinging on his scalp but he immediately gave in to the dominant kiss. "Steve .." he groaned between two kisses while his lover tugged on their clothes, dropping garment after garment making sure skin was hitting skin .

"Baby ...", Steve's voice very rough and thick with want, "Today I'm giving you some." He got his fingers between their faces, shoving two of them between Bucky's lips. "Baby, get them all wet ..." he whispered in his ear. Bucky wasn't in the mood for a round of top dog sex with Steve with this looking quite like one. Pulling his head back, Steve's fingers popped out of his mouth. "Wait a second!" Steve frowned, his wet fingers between them, still in front of Bucky's lips.

But since he hadn't used their safeword, Steve straightened up, pushing Bucky onto his back with his body, shoving his fingers into his mouth again. After all, acting a little coyly on Bucky's behalf was always part of this game. He decided to let Steve do what he wanted to, talking to him again the next day. Steve was definitely in the mood, he had already started saying pretty dirty things to him hitting him right in the center of his body making him quickly focused on his task …

But he had trouble at relaxing. Steve quickly became impatient. Bucky was now on his stomach, with a pillow under his hips, and Steve had barely gotten a second finger into him. "Dude ..." he sighed annoyed. "I'm sorry, but ..." "It's not great here, Bucky." "Please Steve, don't be mad! I'm so tense, my day's been ...” Steve interrupted him gruffly. "Yes, I know you've had a busy, eventful day. Why do you think I want to do this today? I want you to lean back, let yourself be pampered. But ...” He stopped in the middle of the sentence. Bucky had grabbed his wrist and resolutely pushed his fingers deep inside him. The tense shoulders clearly showed Steve it was no pleasure. "Nnghh ..." Bucky pressed out through gritted teeth. Yes, that hurt.

But before he could get another clear thought, Steve curled his fingers, stroking against his prostate and the pain quickly faded out. He groaned deeply. "Are we finally there, baby, yes? I've almost had the feeling you don't like me taking care of you. What a sweet little control freak you are sometimes… ”, while Steve whispered in his ear, something about his tone was strange, he worked his fingers apart impatiently, at least he sometimes hit the right spot. Bucky just wanted it to be over soon. He wiggled his butt a bit, inviting, as he hoped. "So needy ... I'm giving it to you, baby. Just shut up, I'm right there.” Bucky didn't think he was really ready, but well, no pain no gain, he would be able to take it.

Bucky heard Steve open a condom pack. He took a large portion of lube again, getting it over his dick, with the rest he pushed two fingers deep into Bucky again, twisting and turning them, pulling them apart, then out, before penetrating, far too quickly, all ten fingers held on tight to his ass. Bucky tensed again, biting his lip so hard almost drawing blood. Steve brought his mouth back to Bucky's ear. "I'm taking you apart until you're screaming my name." "S-steve ...", this came out flat and breathless. "Baby, tell me you want it." "Steve, I wa-hant t-to! B-but give me a moment.” Tears tingled behind his lids.

Steve grabbed a tuft of Bucky's hair pulling back his head possessively and first tears fell from Bucky's eyes. Steve licked over his ear firmly hissing: "Relax at last. What's wrong with you?“ He pulled himself out a little to push violently back, bottoming out. Bucky gasped and reared up. "Steve! _Tinkerbell_! T-tinkerbell ...” Bucky's voice was high-pitched, almost shrill. After, it was dead silent for a moment. Their safe word. Steve remained motionless for a moment, sometimes Bucky immediately took it back. Not this time. He gently pulled out. Then he looked down at his fiancé, who was breathing heavily, trembling all over, and hiding his face in his crossed arms.

"Can't you even let me be in charge one time? Only once, Bucky? ”, He sounded hurt and disappointed. "Don't you trust me?" "Oh, Stevie, it's not like that. Of course I trust you. I'm just so ... vulnerable tonight and ... ", he didn't know what to say. Steve pulled the condom off with a loud pop thowing it on the table. "You know, Bucky, it's amazing to be fucked. It feels fantastic. I want to do that to you, _for_ you. But I don't want to feel like a rapist.” Bucky recollected Steve's machoisms and impatience snorting. He had some nerves!

"Then don't act like one," he said in a low voice but clearly and in a sharp tone into the space between his forearms and the couch. It was always a little aggressive and a struggle for dominance and it always hurt a little when Steve topped, but Bucky just couldn't do it today. Steve had always only been at it when Bucky was very obvious in the same mood but totday he hadn't noticed - or hadn't he cared? "Bucky ...!" Steve's horrified tone took him out of his thoughts. He turned onto his side so he could look at him. Steve looked terrible, shame and self-loathing clearly written on his face. His penis small and limp, as if he was ashamed of himself, too. "Why have you waited so long with our safe word?"

Bucky let out a breath. He didn't know, he realized. "Steve ... normally I get in the mood much faster, I've thought it would happen any moment," he tried to explain lamely. "Oh, Bucky ... none of what I've done today has been turning you on, right?" "When you've realized that, why haven't you tried something else?" "I ... that's now ... “, he took a deep breath. "Sometimes I forget that with men the body doesn't help a bit, not making it naturally a bit easier when you ... don't ... give up straight away."

Bucky looked at him without a word for a full minute. Steve just had to feel like the most stupid and awkward lover ...

Steve had started to wriggle uneasily under Bucky's boring gaze. Then he looked away. "Steve ... look at me again." He had pretended to look for his shorts. He looked up bravely. Shame and guilt were still clearly marked in his striking features. "I've hurt you ... again. Bucky, it's ... why can't you just ...“ „Stevie ... ", Bucky pulled him next to him, he only fought back very briefly. Bucky put his head on his shoulder. "It's not this bad. It happens to gay couples every now and then ... “, he whispered into his hair. "Yes it is ..." Steve whispered miserably.

"I've also had to learn it. I've also been taught by someone. It is not as easy as it looks. I'm helping you. Let's start over, come on.“ „Bucky! I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm 30 soon and don't need sex lessons. We've been doing it for eleven years!“ „Eleven years already? We are a really old couple by now.” Bucky smiled. The touch of his lips in Steve's hair was affectionate. "You're saying that as if it's something bad." "But it isn't. I'm very happy, Stevie. I love you more than anything else in the world. ”, His arms tightened around Steve. "Oh, Bucky, I love you too. So much." , he said, followed by a very quiet: "I'm sorry."

"Why is it so important to you, baby? Our sex is fantastic as it is. Y-you think so too, right?“ Bucky whispered, playing tenderly with Steve's hair. The insecurity colouring his voice hurt Steve's soul, he hadn't wanted that! "Yes, I do, but ... Sometimes I just want to ... be in you. Do to you what you're doing to me. And most of the time you like it too when I ... well, when ... ", Steve was a little embarrassed, how turned on and wanton it was always making him when they were fighting.

"You know, sweetheart, when we're having a fight, when it's getting hot and loud, each emotion is intense.", Bucky explained softly, "Adrenaline rushes through my veins, my pain threshold is significantly reduced. I can just be taking more. Adjust easier, I mean ... your dick is huge, Stevie.“ He chuckled complacently. "And once we're really there, lust's overriding the pain." Steve grinned wryly: "Fancy to bicker a little? I could suggest getting a pool again so I can get you in the mood?“ Steve smirked. "Oh, please don't. Our 'pool yes or no' discussions have been anything but sexy each time. And I don't want to fight with you. I hate it when we're having an argument.“ „I do too ... ", Steve replied and yet: Having Bucky under him again, dissolved, a deep red in the face, the hair stuck sweatily on his beautiful features, his mouth wide open, his knuckles are white because he was clenching his fists tightly and his stammering, no coherent sentence coming out of him anymore.

Or when he was on his knees, his cheek pressed against the floor, his eyelids fluttering, his hands trembling and desperate searching around for support, grabbing on everything they could reach. Bucky had no idea how beautiful he was, so disheveled and ... helpless. Steve groaned under his breath. "Mission control to Steve!" Bucky called softly and somewhat amused. "Baby, tell me what to do. Show me how to do it. Please.“ Steve's breath suddenly went faster and Bucky folded his fingers with Steve. "Kiss me, baby, kiss me properly and show me how much you want me." At this Steve didn't suppress his moan ...

"First, ..." Bucky's mouth was now under Steve's ear, nuzzling his delicate skin tenderly while talking, "... you have to take your time." He pecked tiny kisses down Steve's neck between his words. "No quickie with me. I don't have enough practice for that.” He nibbled at his clavicle now. Steve's hand was loosely wrapped around Bucky's dick sliding up and down lazily. "With the right exercise ..." he licked hard over Steve's nipple, "... I'm gonna be faster there soon. Just like you.” He circled the other nipple with one finger. "You have to be patient with me for now." He put his lips over his nipple sucking gently. Steve groaned softly, his grip tightened a little.

"Secondly:" he now took his nipple between his teeth, but not to bite, only moving his head back and forth. Steve arched his back. “Spit as lube is sexy and dirty and a little naughty. It's extremely hot and turning me on just as much as you.” He dropped some saliva on Steve's nipple rubbing it in with his chin. His stubble scratched the small hard sensitive button. "Unfortunately, it's mostly not enough." He reached for the lubricant bottle next to him wiggling it in front of Steve's face. He grinned taking it from him. "Yessir, sergeant, sir." Bucky pinched his other nipple, which became as hard as the first. He put his hands on Steve's chest, massaging his pecs while his mouth went down. He dipped the tip of his tongue into his belly button licking the strip of hair leading down.

Shortly ahead his target, he looked up, his bright eyes flashing through his long eyelashes and the fringes falling in his face. Steve's mouth was slightly open, licking his lips. His breath was heavy when he breathed "And then?" Bucky's tip of his tongue brushed his cock head as if by chance. Steve sucked in a breath. Bucky blew on the wet spot. "Then you're putting one finger after the other where you want to put your killer cock, Stevie." He licked hard over Steve's entire length.

"Your wonderful huge cock.", He put the tip in his mouth sucking a few times with hollow cheeks. Steve rolled his eyes in delight briefly, but immediately looked again. The sight was just too good, he didn't want to miss any of it. Bucky released him nestling his cheek against the throbbing hardness. He was breathing hard now, too and his voice had become a little shaky. His pupils were blown, leaving only a thin ring of light blue-gray.

"Less then three fingers is not enough. Better even four with this anaconda.”, He flicked playfully against Steve's dick. "And prettily one by one, I'm telling you when.", Another flick, a little more firmly. Steve twitched, hugging Bucky's face. "Baby ... I understand. Come on ... I want ...“ „And last but not least:" Bucky rubbed his face at Steve's cock like a cat, "Try to aim. It's very easy, you're gonna notice when you're hitting right.“ „How?“ „With my reaction. You have to be more observant. But I can also tell you when you want me to."

Steve grabbed Bucky under his armpits pulling him up. Their lips found each other for a searing kiss, making out wildly and passionately with mouths wide open, lots of tongue, spit and a lot of noise. "I want you, baby." "I'm doing you better than anyone before." "Yes, I know, baby, you're gonna fuck me so good." They pressed their hard throbbing cocks against each other's. "Where do you want me to do you?" Bucky didn't think long. "Here and now."

Steve meticulously followed each step of his lesson and they were making love intensely for a long time. Bucky helped Steve through many uncertainties. When he got a little frustrated once, he muttered: "Bucky, but you're actually very tight," His lover replied: "I've never heard that in such a reproachful tone." Both laughed (every other sentence in porn was an enthusiastic 'you're so tight'), which released the somewhat nervous tension. Bucky told and precisely showed Steve what he liked and how he liked it. He put both of them in the best position to hit his prostate keeping to reassure Steve how wonderful he was, how fantastic he felt in him and how good he fucked him.

He occasionally adjusted his angle, finally coming untouched. His orgasm chased waves and spasms all over and through his body, was also very much so noticeable for Steve, Bucky's hole spasming and clenching around his dick sending him over the edge only seconds later ... Bucky fell as if boneless against the backrest and Steve's upper body sank exhausted to his chest. Bucky's heels slipped off the seat wrapping his long legs around Steve's, whose knees barely held him anymore.

They whispered sweet little nothings, exchanging little soft kisses. Bucky's arms wrapped around Steve snuggling him up close to his body, they closed their eyes for a few minutes only listening to their now calmer breaths. Steve could hear Bucky's heartbeat, which was also calm and steady now. "I love you," he breathed. "Mhm," Bucky grunted. Then Steve looked up at him. "I'm getting a washcloth." Bucky had usually one or some baby wipes nearby when they were having sex. "Don't go away ..." Bucky murmured, holding on to Steve tighter. His heart overflowed with love now realizing how much Bucky was giving him each time while having sex, how much work and effort and mindfulness he invested so Steve could feel good, safe, satisfied and loved.

His thoughts darkened again. He was ashamed thinking of a few things Bucky had said to him during his lesson. Sweet flattery, how well he did, what a good student he was, and how quickly he learned. Bucky told him he was proud of his smart baby. The whole time he'd sounded like a strange parody of Steve, when he praised a particularly stupid student for a tiny success. So ... patronizing. Compliant and superior. As if he would give him a sticker afterwards for his efforts, but only a sticker, not a better grade ... His fiance got him out of his brooding.

"Steve ..." whispered Bucky. He forced himself to look at him. Bucky glanced at him in love, his lips slightly open, a delicate blush on his cheeks. "Come 'ere, you." He pulled him onto his lap burying his face in the crook of his neck. He mumbled against Steve's skin "You've been awesome. It's felt so good. You've driven me crazy and my orgasm's been made in heaven ...” Steve said nothing. "Stevie?" Bucky sounded uncertain. "Haven't you liked it?" Steve considered some moment, then gave a jerk. "It's been fantastic." "But?" Steve straightened his back: "There isn't a true _'but'_... I think I like it the other way round better." The look Bucky was giving him in silence could not be interpreted by Steve. Could mean he had noticed but didn't want to admit, but could also mean he thought Steve was a dumbhead. Or, and this would be worst: It could mean something like: I could have told you right away, dipshit.

Later, they were lying in bed tightly wrapped around each other about to fall asleep, Bucky whispered in his ear: "Don't worry, baby, nothing is set in stone. It's coming its way as it's meant to...“ „Okay…“ Steve breathed. Bucky fell asleep quickly.

Steve lay awake pondering. He didn't exactly know what had gotten into him tonight. Why he really wanted to take the helm. Sure, the purely sexual aspect was almost self-explanatory. He was a man, men like to put their thing into tight things. But it was more his brain having had to fight for dominance. Had to win. But why suddenly? Steve bit his lip, reviewing a few scenes of the evening.

He got warm from his violent blush when he realized the remark about his 'pretty, nifty, little fingers' hadn't gotten Bucky's approval in the slightest to begin with and Steve's macho-sex talk left him unimpressed at best in the arousal spectrum and when he got to the point where he pulled his head back at his hair, he had to admit Bucky was definitely turned off by it. His stomach clenched painfully. He really was the most stupid and clumsy lover under God's sun. And after, Bucky, understanding and confident as always, had to teach him, a nearly 30-year-old, how to make love to a man. To the man he wanted to marry! It was so humiliating ...

For the next morning, a Saturday, Dad and Peter were awaited: they wanted to fix the wiring of the photo-voltaic system delivered during the week and installed on the roofs of the house and garage by Bucky. It was time for him to get some sleep. Although no one would need him for this task ...


	82. "Don't you think I'm at least a little sexy?"

**"Don't you think I'm at least a little sexy?"**

"Hey Tony, hey kid, how is it up there?" Tony and Peter worked side by side on the roof, both secured by belts in rather uncomfortable seats, soldering delicate wires to the deep black shimmering plates. Tony grinned slightly forced down to his future son-in-law. "Wanna swap? What you're doing down there with programming the wastewater treatment plant is a much more comfortable job.” Bucky laughed at him. "But you haven't given me that job for my birthday." "Because you're capable at doing that yourself. I don’t give people I love anything they don’t need.”

Peter shouted: "Bucky, can I see what you're doing? Sounds exciting! Dad told me you've revised all the codes and even written new ones yourself. I could bring some of it into my IT homework.“ „And now my only help and support wants to duck outta this. You might be a brood to me,” Tony grumbled. "What was that?" Bucky hadn't understood him from below. "Not that important!" "Please come down in a few minutes. I've prepared some casserole yesterday, it's in the oven now.“ „A Stark saying 'no' to a meal you have cooked has yet to be found!“ „Awesome, Bucky, I'm already starving!“ „Everything's ready in five minutes, Steve is already laying the table. ”

The casserole was excellent as always and the table discussion stimulating. The two engineers and Peter kept raving and chattering about how well things were going and the schedule could be fully met, maybe even got a head start if things continued to go that well. Steve felt a bit outside. He asked questions, yes, and was listening, of course, but it still felt to him like the adults were talking and he was just there too. Okay, one adult was his father but another one was his fiance and the third 'adult' was his little brother! He sighed under his breath.

"How's Mom doing?" He called abruptly and his three table mates suddenly noticed how much they had excluded him all the time. "Splendid!" Tony called out and Peter added: "We've looked at old pictures yesterday and I've got Mom to tell how she's been falling in love with Dad." Steve's eyes widened. "Am I soon about to be the only one not knowing the story?" Peter and his father looked at each other briefly, the boy nodded and Tony turned to Steve again. "No, you're definitely finding out before Thor. Namely now. The hour break we've wanted to take should be enough. "

"I'm quickly making you some coffee and get back to the computer," Bucky said, "just go ahead, I'm cleaning up here." "Don't you want to hear the story too?" "I don't think I should be told before Thor.“ „Steve's gonna tell you later anyway, then you can listen right away. You can use the break as well." Bucky smiled, Steve looked a little startled, but laughed when his father looked at him admitting: "If you knew how many top secret business secrets your mother and I shared in bed, you wouldn't sulk now acting hurt in your honor. I know you can be discreet, but I wouldn't have asked you to be discreet on the subject at all. Bucky can hear this. Maybe the story reminds him of something I've said to him many years ago. ”

Now Bucky was very curious and Steve also wanted to know what that could have been. And since Bucky also told him everything in bed - every couple did - he would definitely find out!

*

Meanwhile Tony went out regularly with Pepper. The evenings were relaxed and pleasant. They went to intimate dinners, to concerts, to the cinema, occasionally to a game, but it didn't really matter what they did as long as they did it together. In the company they had stayed with Mr. Stark and Miss Potts, but privately they had long been using first names. Tony called her Pepper, of course, or Pep, and she loved it. They always had a killer time never running out of things to talk about. Pepper learned a lot about her boss hardly anyone knew. His lonely childhood and adolescence, the estrangement from his parents, the pressure and expectations of him when he later grew out of his teenage years. The sudden loss and early responsibility for Stark Industries.

Tony always behaved like a gentleman with keeping his ambiguous remarks from the past to a minimum. He always made sure she was comfortable keen on not to embarrass her. Pepper prayed every night he would never realize how much she loved him and how crazy she was about him. Her world would collapse if something destroyed their deep friendship and comradely working atmosphere.

A few weeks before Christmas, Pepper was organizing and planning the company party, Natasha Romanov walked into the anteroom. Pepper smiled coolly at her letting her fingers rest, hovering over the keyboard to show she was very busy.

"Is he there?" Natasha glanced at Tony's door. Usually it was open, Pepper and Tony had to talk to each other so often, so it was more practical. This time it was closed. Might mean Tony was changing because he was going to do some sports. There was nothing on his schedule today which would keep him in the company. Pepper hated it when he climbed up smooth house walls like this superhero from the comics he'd loved as a child: Spiderboy or something like that. Secured only by a few hooks and a thin rope, she always feared for his early death.

Pepper pressed the intercom. "Mr Stark, Miss Romanov would like to talk to you." There was a short pause. "I'm right there," was his answer. To Pepper's great relief, he hadn't asked the redhead to come in, maybe even in some half-dressed state. A short time later, Tony came out. Pepper suppressed a sigh. He was wearing his climbing gear ...

"You're going to lunch with Bruce and me, no argument," Natasha was very direct, but at least she wasn't flirting with him anymore. Some time ago Pepper had received an email from Miss Romanov asking for a transfer within Stark Industries. Pepper had frowned at that reading on. To Dr Banner's team. _To Dr Banner's team?_ She went straight to her boss. "Miss Romanov's wishing to be transferred." Tony suddenly looked very unhappily at his assistant with getting out a little nervous: "Oh?" Pepper cleared her throat:

"To Dr Banner's team." Tony was briefly speechless, then again: " _Oh._ ", But this time it sounded as if he had just had a penny drop. Visibly relieved, he added: “Send Dr Banner a quick request and a recommendation. Put my signature underneath, Miss Potts.“ „Getting it done, Mr. Stark.“ Pepper's contented grin was held back until she was out of his office. She never found out about Tony texting Dr Banner immediately. _„Stealing the boss's girl is usually a career overkill, but in this case: do it, please just do it!“_

“We want to tell you about a few projects we would like to support, business-wise and privately. Because of Christmas. You don't want anything anyway. Nothing I can give you at least.”, His friend's girlfriend smirked at him. The look Tony gave her should have dropped her dead instantly, but Natasha was very tough so it bounced off her. Pepper couldn't figure out what was going on between the two of them, but she knew she didn't like it …

The diner around the corner was crowded, but Bruce had kept a table for three free. He and Natasha ordered lunch, Tony only had water, he would be eating something after climbing. "What's that you've got for me, Bruce?" "Some well-intentioned advice," Bruce replied somewhat nervously, but seriously. "What the ...?" "He actually wants to tell you you shouldn't wait too long anymore," Natasha continued in his stead. "Only he's sometimes a bit cumbersome and that is counterproductive, especially when haste is appropriate." "Nat ...", her boyfriend interrupted. Tony's expression had darkened at her mocking tone.

"Tony, listen. You have to confess your feelings to Pepper. If you're waiting any longer ...“ „Bruce. We've talked about this. She's not interested in me, at least not that way.” Natasha rolled her eyes. Banner gave her a stern glance. "Tony. Seriously," she sounded much more tam and even worried now, "No woman's waiting forever, not even for you." Bruce cleared his throat. Nat was going to get Tony upset again. She couldn't help it. He had never shown her this other side of him, the vulnerable and insecure side which was only showing when something touched him deep in his heart. Or someone. For example Pepper.

"I can't risk losing her!" Tony cried out passionately and angrily. "Now that everything is going so well, if I come back like the playboy from formerly, I'm just gonna scare her away." "But ..." "What?" Tony didn't let his friend speak. "I am happy! Pep is my best friend, we're working very well together. I don't want... I _can't_ lose that!” Tony clenched his fists. Nat worried her lower lip thoughtfully when she noticed Tony's eyes were shimmering strangely, somehow looking brighter than usual. Her eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Yes, Miss Romanov?", He was annoyed. "Believe me, she's feeling the same. Women have some sense about things like that. Thinking of the glances she's flashing when I'm coming to your office. I'm not the most scared type, but, admittedly, she can be a little creepy.” Tony looked at her coolly. "Maybe she just doesn't like you. Pepper has little warmth for people she doesn't like. I'm telling you, she' only seeing a friend in me. And her boss. And I'm gonna do everything to keep it that way.“

"You're wrong," Natasha smiled. "She likes me." "Nonsense, as lovely as you are in no doubt, you don't seem to find mercy in Pepper's eyes.“ „And why is that, Tony? She hasn't say anything, has she? Has she ever talked about me?” Tony looked at her with narrowed eyes. He thought feverishly. "She hasn't, right? I'm telling you: she likes me. Or better _has_ liked me. Very much. Until I've been going out with you.” Tony chewed at his thumb. Bruce startled him. Right, he was still there too.

"Think about it, Tony. Even I can remember seeing the two of them laughing and chatting together the last charity gala all evening.” Bruce was right. Tony remembered. He remembered because Pepper had looked like a dream in that breathtaking blue dress, her birthday present, and he couldn't take his eyes off her, all the time!Tony realized: It was true, Pepper hadn't had anything against Natasha Romanov until ...

"How come you suddenly no longer trust your irresistibility and magnetic attraction?" Romanov's tone was mocking but there was a spark of seriousness in it. "Nat, please ...", Bruce tormentedly asked her to spare Tony a little bit with her sharp tongue. "What? Obviously he's pretty thick-witted in this and in need of some steamroller tactics.“ „Natasha. Seriously now. We're not going anywhere when you don't stop to be insulting.” She grew a little smaller under Bruce's angry look. The physicist's gentleness was famous, but so were his tantrums when he lost patience, too.

"Tony. You're insecure and scared because Pepper is the first woman you really care for. You have long since won her friendship and trust, you're not going to lose that, even if we are mistaken about her feelings“ „Could be, but won't happen. ”, Natasha interjected. "Believe me. You're not some teenagers anymore. Even if she's rejecting you, you can handle it. But you're wasting some true chance there, even if you don't believe it.“ „She likes you. Bet?” Natasha concluded. "Bet she doesn't like _you_?" Tony replied.

While climbing, Tony made a decision. Despite the still lingering doubts, he was willing to take one last attempt. And since he was a man of action, it should be tonight right away.

" _Are you at home tonight? If so, Vietnamese or sushi?_ "

" _Tony, you've done sports. Treat yourself to a pizza, I feel like one too!_ "

" _You're an angel!_ "

" _I know! Come in at eight!_ "

At eight o'clock sharp, Tony was outside Pepper's door, with pizza, wine, and carefully dolled up. Pepper didn't open the door many moments after he rang the bell. "You're on time!" She cried out. He was never, otherwise. "I've been in the shower, I'm sorry." Tony got very warm. Pepper was in front of him, dripping only wearing a bath towel. Her wet hair looked a lot redder hanging untamed around her face without any trace of makeup. She was adorable! "I have to apologize," he stuttered. "Nonsense, I've invited you at eight!", She laughed. "Have a drink, I'm ready in a quarter of an hour. I only have to blow dry quickly. "

_Yeah, yeah ..., she's totally into me. I'm here sporting my best look (he had been in front of the mirror for ages tugging and fidgeting at his hair and clothes) with pizza and wine and she's dry blowing her hair!_ ...Tony thought. He went to the fridge, put the wine in, taking a bud light. After he strolled into the living room getting down on her couch. It didn't last long. He was nervous. Pacing up and down looking around a bit. Pepper's apartment was small, but cozy and warm.

There were lots of photos of trips, it must have been a while, as far as he knew, she hadn't traveled for ages. But there were few pictures with people in it. A few from an older couple, probably her parents. His eyes were caught on a framed picture in the background. Pepper was in it with a handsome guy. Blond, stylish beard ... and tall. Pepper was no small woman and in the pic he was significantly taller than her. Tony thought he looked like an idiot, of course. Pepper looked happy in the picture...

"Oh this is embarrassing. Is this still around here?” Tony turned around, startled, he hadn't heard her coming. Pepper looked over his shoulder. She was wearing a simple white dress, was barefoot (and therefore just as tall as himself) sporting her strawberry blonde ponytail, which was her trademark. No makeup, he liked that. So he could see her enchanting freckles. However, it also meant she was seeing no need for it in his presence. He sighed inaudibly.

"Who's the guy?" He asked. "Looks like an idiot." Pepper laughed. "Well, he is! Someone from college, Brad. It didn't last long.“ „Nice picture of you,” Tony said quietly. "I have to cut Brad off," she giggled. "Hungry?" Tony gestured to the set table. "Like a wolf." He felt his courage leaving him. This was forlorn hope!

The evening was as charming and pleasant as ever. Which meant it also was just as predictable and uneventful as ever. Good conversation, some nice movie (A.I. with Will Smith, they discussed animatedly about the advantages and dangers of artificial intelligence after, with the possibility given Tony Stark could soon create one), lots of laughter and understanding. They were best friends. But no more. It was getting late and Tony hadn't acted. Just don't break anything that's this damn good, he told him self for consolation.

Tony prepared to leave, Pepper took him to the door. They had drunk the wine, after they ransacked Pepper's fridge, killing the bottle of champagne some Stark Industries business partner had sent her weeks earlier as a thank you for quickly handling his request. Pepper's eyes were shining, she was holding on to his shoulders when he kissed her cheek for farewell in the door. Pepper staggered, clinging to him a bit more firmly. "Hey.“ He gently whispered, „Careful there.“ Pepper's grip hardened and she looked him straight in the eye. She was only inches away from his face.

"Tony." She took a deep breath. "Anthony Edward Stark." _Uh-oh!_ He thought. _What have I done?_

"Don't you think I'm at least a little sexy?" Tony froze. _What?_ And then loudly: "What?"

"What have I just said?" Pepper sounded squeaky and a bit hysterical. The situation was pretty bizarre. He pushed her back into the apartment closing the door.

"Pep." "Hmm?", She sounded absent. "Pep, listen." "Yes, sir?" Pepper giggled. "You've drunk a little bit and since I've eaten almost all of the pizza by myself, the champagne ended up on an empty stomach." Tony put her on the couch. Until now, nothing had to be noticed, but sometimes it went very quick. Crouched in front of her he took her hands. Pepper focused on his face.

"You haven't answered me at all. Don't you think I'm a at least a little sexy?” She sounded like herself again. Tony was confused, very confused. Pepper turned red, but it was her anger red, not her embarrassed red, Tony knew the difference by now. And when Pepper got angry, she lost control. Every mask fell off her and every polish. She was completely herself and this self of Pepper's crushed onto Tony relentlessly.

"How could I've gotten so low acting drunk! And you, the smartest man in the world! You know how much champagne's streaming at Stark Industries on every possible occasion and how much I can take of it. How could you think for a moment that I'm drunk?“ „Um…” Tony said. He felt as if hit by a truck. An angry Pepper surely had roughly the same force. She continued to speak, excited and insistent:

“You're spending the whole working day with me having lunch together and coffee breaks. „We're seeing each other every other night and it's almost always you who's asking (that was true). And you hardly ever do more than putting your hand briefly on my arm or blowing a quick kiss of air past my cheek. And that after I've had to watch you immediately try to cast a spell on each at least half- pretty woman, making them follow willingly to your bedroom. And the high point! Miss Natasha Romanov. Thank you very much! I've liked her a lot!“ (Tony owed Nat $ 100...)

Tony had dropped to his butt on the floor in front of her. What was going on here threatened to overwhelm his mind - and that might mean something. "Pep..."

"No! I am not finished yet."

Pepper's cheeks were dramatically flushed, her otherwise super neat ponytail was losing its accuracy, and her normally cool, serene blue eyes flashed sparkling. Tony got dizzy. She was incredibly beautiful! But he was silent. She wasn't finished yet. Pepper blinked blushing even more violently, which Tony would not have thought possible. This time it was the embarrassment red again.

"I'm finished," she said finally, sounding resigned. Tony quickly got to his knees, took her face in his hands. She lowered her eyes. Tony had finally gotten clarity back into his mind. "No! Pepper, look at me!” Bravely she looked up.

"Pep. I've wanted it to be different with you.“ , She took a breath. "No, don't say anything now, Potts." Pepper obeyed. "At first I've hit on you very clumsily. As you said: I've hit on every woman. I've tried to impress you, seduce you. To prove myself. Then I've got to know you. You. The real one. The true Pepper Potts. The very Pepper Potts, by the way, without whom, according to company legend, I can't even tie my shoes.” He flashed her an encouraging smile. She gave a little choked laugh.

"I've wanted to treat you with respect under all circumstances. I've wanted to lift you out of the mass of meaningless women who've been using me as much as I have done with them. I've wanted you to feel as special as I'm seeing you. I've wanted..."

"Jeez, Tony," she interrupted, "if I have to hear one _I've wanted_ from you again ... then, by the gods, I'm going to lose my shit." Tony blinked at her sounding just like the Pepper he was madly in love with and that was a good thing, wasn't it? "What do you think it is, which _I_ want? For a change ... “, she asked him. "Tell me," Tony whispered hoarsely. "I ...", she bit her lower lip. " _Oh, Tony ..._ " she breathed. He didn't wait for an answer. He kissed her. He should have done that for a long time.

*

Peter laughed in his brother's face then in his future brother-in-law's. "Isn't this some crazy story? Can you imagine Mom and Dad've once thought the other one couldn't feel the same?” The corners of Tony's mouth twitched treacherously. His eldest's stunned expression and the brunette's blueprint next to him were too amusing. Peter frowned. "Don't you think it's funny? Last night I've called Loki, who has known the story for a long time. He hasn't thought it was funny either, but who would have expected otherwise!“ „Um ... ", Steve said and Bucky cleared his throat. "Pete, the story is incredible and crazy. Anyone who knows your parents would think they promised themselves marriage in kindergarten, you're right.“ „Yes, isn't it like that? Just like you and Steve!"

Tony couldn't control himself anymore and letting out a mocking laugh. "Well, you two sandbox fiancees in love? Tell him!“ Bucky laughed good-naturedly, Steve looked a little offended, he hated to be mocked by his dad in front of his brothers, especially Peter, who looked up to him, nobody else did after all ... But he pushed the dark thought aside vigorously. Now was not the time for bitterness. It _was_ funny. But the last night and the upset with Bucky was still in his bones. When he wanted to start over at breakfast, Bucky had nipped his clumsy attempts to explain with an unhelpful 'My sweet innocent baby, don't worry, forgotten and forgiven!' before putting on his 'adult clothes' - his mechanic's gear - to do very complicated things with a lot of precision and skill with his capable hands. _His pretty, nifty, little fingers_ he remembered making him hot blushing again with shame.

Bucky, who had noticed something was going on in Steve, briefly squeezed his thigh under the table. "May I, baby? Tell him how stupid I've been?” Steve was thankful Bucky hadn't applied the unflattering predicate to both of them nodding with a smile. "Peter," Bucky said, "I've made the exact same mistake back then. I've known for a long time I love Steve but didn't tell him." Peter stared at him: "You have been a couple since I can remember!“ „Well, almost. We've gotten a couple shortly before your third birthday.“ „I also have many memories of the time before my third birthday. I know a lot of people say it's extraordinary, but it has always been normal for me. And you are so closely linked to Steve in so many of my memories, so I've just assumed ...” Peter paused. His brother and his fiance looked at him a little strangely. "Have I said anything wrong?" He asked somewhat nervously.

Steve laughed leaning over to tousle his youngest brother's hair. "No. You've just held up a mirror to us showing how stupid we 've been.“ „ _I've_ been stupid, baby. I've been sure about myself, after all, while you ...“ „I've actually been sure, too, and the only thing I should have done to unravel my emotional chaos would have been to trust and tell you, my best friend." Steve smiled at him warmly. Bucky's hand on his leg squeezed again, understanding. "What should have happened?" Bucky grinned: "I would have liked your mother's trick!" "You've gotten a light version of it on my 17th birthday, but you haven't reacted the way I've been hoping.“ Bucky raised his eyebrows. Steve laughed maliciously:

"Just to be clear: I haven't had to hold on to you that much like I've done." Bucky shook his head, smiling. Steve went: “Unfortunately the thing with my puke-soaked shirt's gotten me back to the floor. I couldn't have gotten out such a brave sentence as my fearless mother after." "I've probably wouldn't have reacted as confidently as your dad, either.“ „You're _not_ a genius, jerk," Steve smirked teasingly now. Tony and Peter had amused been following the exchange of blows and Peter wanted to know: "And how has it really happened?" "I've gotten the two lovebirds out of jail," Tony said dryly. "Wha-at?" "Dad!" "Oh no!" There were three replies at the same time. "I'm telling you on the roof, underoos, the two of them can enlighten you with their side of events next time, we all have to get back to work."

Everyone except Steve ... He also had some tasks: measuring walls and windows for furniture, carpets and blinds, comparing prices, comparing color samples ... while his future husband was programming complicated software systems and other family members were working on the roof, but he came around doing like a child who is to kept busy ...

At night, Steve and Bucky were cuddling lazily in bed, Steve wanted to know, "What has it been my dad's wanted to remind you of with the story?" Bucky chuckled. "It's actually a closely guarded secret between him and me, but as he has so convincingly shown, there are no secrets in bed ..." With that Bucky told Steve about the fateful night after their 'imprisonment'. Steve was speechless, but he didn't need words for what was about to follow...


	83. Intrigues and Love

**Intrigues and Love**

Steve met with Helmut Zemo in the staff room every day and they were always talking a little. Steve had been a bit buttoned up for a while, but since Helmut acted correctly like a good colleague being all polite and friendly, Steve no longer thought about Bucky's creepy encounter with his former Russian tutoree in his workshop. Maybe he'd exaggerated a bit.

Both of them had been a bit worn-out in the past few weeks with their wedding date getting closer and getting married _was_ an important step in life after all. They'd been engaged for a year now. After spring break they'd finally moved in after weeks of being extraordinarily busy with preparing for their bachelor party and making decisions about wall colors, curtains and furniture for their home. Bucky had also done all the modernization work. Both of them had been losing their nerves regularly. Steve occasionally went out having some drink with Zemo again.

One evening, a few weeks after moving to their house, Steve was particularly bored. Bucky had gone to a fair for workshop equipment in Boston for a week the day before and Steve was texting to some friends. As like bewitched no one was having some free time except Helmut. They had ultimately made friends, very close to each, age-wise, and having attended Sanctuary High as students at the same time. Zemo had also lived in Europe and Russia for many years. Politically , he had so much to tell!

Steve hadn't said a word to Bucky about that. The colleague being gay he neither told him. So his admiration for Bucky in their youth was not just some sexual confusion, as he'd thought the last time they had been talking about the man weeks ago ... They met at a bar before going to Zemo's apartment nearby after him praising a very special scotch he had got at home after Steve disgustedly left his in the pub.

The scotch was excellent. Soon they were funnier and more silly, talking about their high school days, about college, then about work and everything else. Steve wasn't used to drinking. And accordingly he tolerated alcohol poorly. His tongue was loose and his head was light.

"So: getting married? When's it gonna happen?"

"Two months from now. Gosh, I'm getting married!"

"Must be weird fucking only one person for the rest of your life. I couldn't do so."

"You're not fucking Bucky either!"

"Are you? Wearing the breeches while getting your sweetie out of his?", Helmut laughed at his own joke and Steve giggled: "It's none of your business, you nosy fucker!"

"So you're not.", Helmut laughed refilling their glasses again. "That's amazing me." "I haven't said anything to the matter, 'cause you don't have to know that. But why should you be amazed? "

"Oh, I still remember our tutoring lessons. Bucky was fine with every topic we've been talking about, mostly on our phones, if it was only discussed in correct Russian. I've had to take notes on our conversation sending him a script to be corrected by him after.” Steve recalled Bucky telling him at the time the boy was fluent, but his spelling and written expression being very poor. "And?"

"My tutor, your future husband, hasn't stopped talking about you. How much he's admired you, your strength and your determent, your firm character. Everyone back then just has had to assume Bucky is your 'girl'.", Zemo wiggled his fingers in the air mockingly, "and one of that submissive, obedient kind, at that." Steve was a bit flabbergasted, but feeling rather flattered.

"'Good-girl-Bucky'!", Zemo laughed. "The star of Drama class. Hair like some Disney prince. And this girl's sport soccer he's loved so much! Honestly, _he's_ the top with yours?” Steve bit his lower lip. He felt to be supposed to reprimand Helmut talking about Bucky like that. But in high school stories you bring each other up about back then. "Hey! Who's telling this? Nobody's said who's...“ „Topping."

"You also liked him yourself! You've told me.“ „Everyone's thought he was stunning, so to speak, haven't them?" Steve laughed: „And I've won him. The Ball King.“ „That's been just a statement because he's gay, it's been in 2019 after all. Sure, he's been a handsome boy and I've _had_ a huge crush on him. I've been a Russian immigrant, secretly gay and he's been my Russian tutor! But I've been surprised that he's been voted Ball King instead of... “, he fell silent. "The quarterback?" Steve laughed.

"I actually have wanted to say 'instead of you'." Steve was staring at Zemo. "Oh shit: I'm telling you." Steve looked at him curiously. "When an LGBT ball king, why him and not you? He's been known as gay at school for years, but you ...known of having had relationships with girls, coming out as a boy's bisexual boyfriend, that was rather brave and impressive. In addition you've been built like a tank and think of your flaming speeches in debating club or your political projects. The whole school's talked about that, calling it 'leader genes'.

Then the incident with Rumlow. I've been there, I've known him from a couple of my classes. How he's once again harassed your little brother and the next moment you've had him on his collar, pressing this imp against the lockers. Phillips just came over and wanted to go in between. You looked at the feared by everyone teacher, stating coolly: 'But Mr. Phillips, Brock and me are only talking, aren't we, Brock?'. You looked in the trembling gnome's face, actually getting some 'yes sir' out of him.” Steve had completely forgotten this story. Brock had never bothered Loki again afterwards.

"Well, but about you and Bucky, one's not in there. Relationship dynamics are always a mystery to outsiders. It's only I've had imagined otherwise. After all, you've set up the workshop for him and bought the pretty house for the two of you and ...“ „No! Wait, not that fast. I haven't done so!“ Zemo raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Bucky hasn't wanted to take one cent from me. He's accomplished everything he achieved on his own. The workshop is rented and he's bought the equipment from a start-up entrepreneur loan. We've bought our house together. If he knew people were thinking what you naturally assumed, well, I wouldn't want to experience the outcome of this.” Steve didn't notice how satisfied the younger one looked hearing that.

"Then he deserves my respect. Neat shop he's built there and buying a house! How old is Bucky again?“ „30.“ „Yeah, definitely impressive. That's why he's always working so much, I understand. I've been surprised when you've mentioned that. Few people would be so diligent, working so hard with a millionaire at their side. You can be proud of him. "

"I'm very proud of Bucky. He's achieved a lot with still doing so each day. Hes very ambitious, a hard worker with his focus on the right things at all time. Thinking of health insurance alone...“ Steve laughed shaking his head. "Tell me!" And Steve talked and talked ... Helmut Zemo listened attentively, a little content smile around his lips. He had drunk significantly less than Steve, who didn't notice and was watching him. How he'd avoided the question who the top was in their relationship was so very much telling. Steve wasn't that fond of this fact, Zemo thought...

(His plan, on which he had been working very subtly for weeks, worked. The friendship with his colleague, during which he had been watching him and interrogating him a little without Steve being aware of it, had revealed some information: Steve was very jealous and a little offended his fiance wasn't the least bit. Steve longed for appreciation, liked it if you looked up to him. He wasn't happy about Bucky working at least twelve hours a day. He hated to appear incompetent.

Steve was a proud big brother (and it annoyed him a bit to be younger than Bucky, which often ended in harmless teasing). And Steve enjoyed every allusion to his innate authority ... If Steven Stark had the slightest idea how much he revealed in seemingly superficial small talk for an attentive person like Helmut Zemo ... And what weapon he was using to hand someone who wanted to destroy what was closest to Steve: Bucky Barnes.

That had become Helmut Zemo's one goal, his motivation, his drive, when he got this chance quite so incidentally. He had thought he was long past the 'inconvenience': This is what he called his years at a public Russian university: disadvantage, even persecution because of his sexuality, which he had not been able to hide. And the result: he, a brilliant mind, had not been able to become a computer scientist, as he had dreamed of (he owes these skills, for example, with it he'd gotten the information James Barnes was honored in his very short time in the army and promoted to a sergeant... He'd also found one of the last copies of that impro theater clip Tony Stark had tried so hard to remove from earth's surface ...). He would never work for the Roscosmos and become a cosmonaut. All at hands of Bucky Barnes...

No, he was forced to become a _teacher_ instead. When he had only gotten his Russian certificate a year later after advice of his tutor, it was too late for the application to the Sarskoye Institute for STEM course classes, where he would definitely have been accepted with his grades and brilliance if he could have provide proof of sufficient language skills. Fuck you, Bucky Barnes! He would destroy him!)

"I 'm about to leave, it's late. Your scotch is true first class. It's my birthday on 4th of July, by the way.“ „I'm gonna remember. Get home safely. Be careful, the Scotch's getting to your head with a delay! ”

Steve texted Bucky when he was in bed at home:

" _Baby, I miss you. I have to think of you all the time. I can not sleep without you._ "

" _Then you're all the more happy when I'm with you again._ "

" _I just can't wait for it._ "

" _Aaaaw, I'm considering leaving my sweet baby alone more often. It's making you all soft and touchy-feely for me, it seems :P_ "

" _Don't you dare!_ "

" _You are hopeless! What am I supposed to do with you?_ "

" _When you're finally back? I've got some ideas ..._ "

„ _Call me, baby, and tell me..._ “

Phone sex wasn't a thing they were doing very often. After he had come Steve could fall asleep like some big, happy, fed baby.

*

Bucky came back from his trip with excitement, enthusiastically telling Steve of the fair. He wanted to invest in some software that would optimize something Steve did not understand, even after extensive explanations. It was very expensive and Bucky had doubts whether he could afford it. Steve offered to pay for it, but of course Bucky, sensitive as he was on the subject, didn't want to hear about it. "I'm definitely gonna get some other loan. I'm working out a presentation for the bank that's gonna blow them away. You know I'm the best at it!” He beamed at Steve. Yeah, he was. He was at a lot of things. "You're the best at a lot of things," Steve stated suggestively.

"As we're talking of this ... _Captain_ ..." The improvisational scenario of their high school days had over the years developed into some nice little role-play they came back to now and then. Steve was immediately hooked going down on one knee in front of him. "Highness." "Stand up, you know, you don't have to do that when we're alone." "Don't you remember what you've promised on the phone, Your Highness?", Steve was already opening Bucky's belt. His lips twitched upwards slightly. „Very well, Captain, I guess a good king has to keep his promises to have his people, his man stay loy-annnnhg.“ Steve wasn't able to answer properly anymore – with a full mouth...

It annoyed Steve when Bucky immediately after the blow job went to his presentation, on which he would probably work until late in the evening. Couldn't he even buy some crazy little software for his fiance? What was Bucky actually afraid of? Would he have his nuts shrivelled if he ever took a tiny little thing from him to be able to make some time available for this fiance? But no! Steve was supposed to be waiting here on the siding until Bucky had finished his important presentation, possibly hoping for a gracious audience in his future husband after. Steve got some school books and his StarkBook.

Two and a half hours later, Bucky ran excitedly into the living room with his StarkBook in his hands. "Look at it! It's turned out fantastic! There's almost hope the bank's give me the money for free after seeing this!“ „I'm working, Bucky.“ „You're on vacation.” Steve's head snapped up and Bucky's beaming smile collapsed seeing the look on his face. "St-Steve?" "So do you think teachers don't work during the holidays? They aren’t lifting a finger for about three and a half months a year?” Steve’s tone was angry. Bucky's mouth fell open slightly. "No! Of course I don't think like that! I live with a teacher and I've got eyes in my head!“ „It's amazing you even noticed.” Bucky blinked a few times, closed his mouth, swallowed, opened it only to close it again.

"I have work to do, please excuse me. This is important.” Steve said a bit cool and with a lot of dignity. "Stevie .. I ..." "Haven't I been clear?" He looked at him annoyed. "No ... I mean yes, please excuse me. I'm asking your dad what he thinks of it. I'm already gone. Good luck with what you're working on.” With that, Bucky was out of the living room and Steve didn't feel any better. On the contrary. It was as if the adults were discussing important things now and he had been put on his homework like some child. It didn't help he was tinkering with group work for the freshmen. What the heck! Sighing, he decided if he didn't finish this task now to go to Bucky, it would degrade his dignity considerably.

Bucky later pulled his fiancé to him in bed. "I've missed you ..." he whispered into his hair. Steve pursed his lips, which Bucky couldn't see in the dark, and coughed a little artificially. Bucky sat up to turn on the night light. Steve didn't want him to and he reached for his hand. "No." "No?" "I've missed you too. And definitely much more than you've been.” That had slipped out of him. "Stevie ... why do you think that?" Steve changed the subject: „Plans for tomorrow?“ „I want to optimize the accounting software in the workshop. I've had an idea how I ...“ „It's a Sunday tomorrow.“ „No rest for the wicked.", Bucky replied cheerfully pulling Steve back to him whispering: "I've really missed you so much, sweetheart and now... I want to show you. Is my sweet baby gonna make breakfast for me tomorrow?” Something switched violently in Steve's mind at that.

He broke wildly from his fiance's embrace throwing the blankets aside. By the time Bucky finally understood what was happening, Steve yet had his feet on the floor in front of their bed. Shaking his head briefly to get a clear mind - after all, he had had only sex in it less than five seconds earlier – he had to blink violently because Steve switched on the lights, straight on his feet whirling around to face him:

"Are you actually listening to yourself sometimes, Bucky Barnes?" Steve had become loud, looking furious while spitting at him: "I'm about to make you your fucking breakfast before you're kissing me goodbye going to work? Have you ever thought I could have plans myself, having a life myself, probably have something in mind for us to do together?” Bucky had sat up by now staring at Steve speechless. But he wasn't finished yet:

"Are you interested in my plans at all? You decide to go to work on a Sunday after you've been on a business trip all week and you're not having in mind you could ask me if I agree. Whether it's okay with me or maybe I've planned something for us. Instead, you're instructing me to make your damn breakfast! I'm not your little wifey, Bucky Barnes!"

Bucky was going to bitterly regret what happened next: he had to laugh. He couldn't help it. The absurdity of these words by a man like Steve was hard to not get. Since – on top of all - with the fact Steve was behaving – in contrary to his harsh words - just like some neglected housewife. Lamenting over her hard-working husband never having some time left for her and still expected to make him his breakfast each morning.

He couldn't suppress the laugh catapulting the situation into some other dimension. Steve stared at him in disbelief, clenching his hands into tight fists, and just when Bucky called out, startled, "I'm sorry! I am so sorry! I haven't wanted to...“ he breathed fire and brimstone: "Fuck you, Bucky Barnes, fuck you hard and twice and then like again and even harder. FUCK YOU!"

Steve had screamed his last words in a high-pitched voice, bursting out of their bedroom. Bucky still was in bed, numb and frozen, staring at the violently slammed door. He pressed the heels of his hands briefly on his eyes, shaking his head getting up laboriously onto trembling leg. His whole body was shaking! _Oh my god_ ... he sobbed softly.

Something was going on in their relationship, something bad, something scary and incomprehensible. He had to find out what it was. They wanted to get married in two months! They wanted that, didn't they? Oh my god, _did_ they? Did them _both_ want it the same way they'd done a year ago? Did _Steve_ still want him? Bucky stumbled into the bathroom on shaky legs to throw some handfuls of water into his face. The sight in the mirror startled him. He was looking like a goddamn ghost - one of a frightened, deeply unsettled child. In a trembling voice he whispered one word into the lonely nothingness:

„ _Stevie ..._ “

When he finally managed to go down with a straight back and reasonably stable legs, Steve wasn't there. He was not to be found anywhere in the house. His StarkBook was no longer on the coffee table, hiss keys and phone were gone. He didn't even have to look out the front window to check if Steve's Tesla was in the driveway. Of course it wasn't. Bucky ran upstairs, getting his phone, and pressed speed dial. Mailbox - no surprise.

"Steve ... please forgive me, I'm so sorry for everything! Come home, we're talking about it and ... just come home, please. I don't want you to ... Please don't be driving around when you're so upset. I'm worried, Stevie! "

The message he received was still full of poison:

" _Is it to believe what you're doing? Is that even to believe? You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself very well. I am not some little hysterical teenage girl. I'm not coming home. I need time for myself. Please do not call me anymore._ "

Bucky's answer was short, understanding and matter-of-fact:

" _Alright. I'm respecting your request. Promise me to take care of yourself. I hope we can be talking about everything once you're feeling better. B._ "

Steve was furious again, although he had just started to regret being so harsh running away so hastily. After all, he was convinced Bucky certainly hadn't laughed _at_ him, not in the meanly malicious manner. Bucky often laughed at the most bizarre things and also at Steve, but always in a loving, sweetly-teasing way. But now he was again so insufferably sensible and understanding, and so full of himself. Why had he always to be superior to him? Why?

Steve didn't notice where he was going. He was muttering bitter curses under his breath. Scolded Bucky like he was sitting next to him, spitting out a lot of what'd been on his mind for a long time with coming back to the point Bucky better was going to stop to fucking treat him as if he was somehow below him on some weird relationship staircase. Steve had been pissed off for years, _for years!_ He found himself at Helmut Zemo's door two hours later, amazed. Just as he was about to leave, he realized he had already rung the bell.

His colleague motioned for him to come in. Closing the door behind them, he looked Steve in the face. "You need some place on my couch, don't you?" Steve let out a lot of air. Did he want that? Did he need that? "You don't have to tell me anything. It is clearly written on your face. You're in need of a little distance from domestic happiness. I'm getting you a blanket and, if you want so, that scotch." Steve gave a jerk: "It's just ... Everything's going to be just like ... I don't know, like this...“ “It's getting quite serious, that's it, nothing more or less.“ „Yeah, probably you're right.“ „It's only understandable. You've just started to be pondering. That's pretty normal. Take your time, it's important. You're going to get everything settled. ” (...)

Three days later, Steve left Bucky a message via email:

"I'm at home today when you're coming from work. Don't let us make a big thing of this, okay? I've overreacted and I'm sorry. My nerves are bare and I hope you're gonna forgive me for getting cold feet. What we're about to do here is big and scary. But it's also big and wonderful. And it is what I want and that with all my heart. I love you. SHS. "

Bucky got the text while lying under a 40-year-old Ford Mustang, struggling with rust-encrusted screws. He had been crying with relief there for a few minutes. Ricky was startled, quickly asking what had happened. Bucky tearfully told him from under the car everything would be fine, his Stevie still loved and wanted him. Ricky Sherman didn't say anything after but he had to admit to himself about having some very colorful fantasies in which Steven Stark and his biggest wrench were starring ...


	84. Helmut Zemo's Final Blow

**Helmut Zemo's Final Blow**

When Bucky came in that evening, Steve met him in the hall, spreading his arms. He apparently had been waiting for him there. Bucky threw himself at him hiding his face at Steve's shoulder. The second relieved tear breakout subsided only slowly, interrupted by snippets of sentences like "Thank God" "You're really here" "Hey, stop it, baby, everything's gonna be fine" "Of course, I've told yah..." "Never leave me alone again" "I love you". Steve pulled Bucky gently to the living room, pushing him down onto the sofa, and poured him a glass of water. Bucky got a tissue out of the box on the side table and after he had blown his nose noisily, they were silent for a while. It was typical of them to start talking at the same time:

"I'm sorry, baby, please forgive me." "I've missed you and I'm so glad you're back." Bucky closed his mouth motioning for Steve to go on. He took a deep breath: "Are we still on the same side? I mean, I've written you I don't want to change our plans. What is your opinion on this?“ „Steve, I haven't doubted our plans for a second. That said, I've doubted over it being still _our_ plans, yes. But nothing about what I want or what I'm wishing for has changed. I love you and I want to marry you." Steve breathed out furtively: "I love you too and I want to marry you too.“ „Would you like to talk about what's happened?" Steve looked him straight in the face: "That was just a childish outburst and a fit of groom's panic. It is no longer worth mentioning. "

Bucky looked him in the eyes. What he'd found there made him nod in agreement. "Good, Steve. I've racked my brains how much truth there is in what you've accused me of and I think you are not entirely wrong. I'm sorry I sometimes neglect you and I want to try harder. On Sunday the bankruptcy estate of an entrepreneur is auctioned off and the man was a collector of historical documents. Would you like to go there with me spending some money? "

Steve was startled briefly before beaming all over his face. "Yes, Bucky, that's ... a wonderful idea! How've you found out about it?“ „I've registered to the forum of the Historical Association of North America and the United States posting a call for help. Subject: 'How do I show the world's most wonderful and at the same time most history-crazy man that I truly love him?' I've gotten a lot of answers.” Steve was speechless having to laugh, if a little shakily. "Take me to your bed, Bucky Barnes. With _that_ you're making me truely happy."

" _Phew_ , thank God that's something I _can_ do. Among other things, I've been suggested to calligraphy a book page or to design a historical role play. I've already been in despair, seeing myself in a flowing white curly hair wig - although I have to admit that my legs in knee-breeches and silk stockings would be eye-catchers - until someone's called my attention to this auction. The man seems to understand quite some of this and the overview he's given me of the expected pieces in the most enthusiastic tones makes me think it would be about as much an awesome thing for you as it would be for me if someone like your dad would hand his workshop equipment out for free."

"I can only repeat myself: take me to your bed, Bucky Barnes." "Thank goodness you remember this. I've been afraid you would ask me a hundred questions about things I've already forgotten and …" He couldn't get any further, Steve had conquered his mouth kissing him half-dizzy. "Welcome home ..." Bucky breathed a little while later. Steve wordlessly pulled him into the bedroom. After a much longer time, Steve's head was on Bucky's chest letting him play with his hair. "What have you done these days?"

"You won't believe this! I've gotten an email ... ”, Bucky paused. Steve raised his head, looking at him. "What?" "Oh, it's something from work and I haven't wanted to start about it now." "Don't be a fool, I like listening to you talking about work!" Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Honestly," Steve said emphatically. Bucky fished his phone from the nightstand reading aloud an email exchange from the mailbox of Barnes' Motor Barn:

" _Hi! I've been told you guys are good. I've got a 1974 Harley which's my baby and if you are not sure whether you're about to meet her high needs, tell right away. Otherwise I would like to have an appointment for an inspection. Easy Rider_ "

1974 Harley Davidson. His dream motorbike! Steve knew he had devoured everything about this bike knowing it very well. The exhaust he had sold to a collector to buy Steve's engagement ring he'd found at a junkyard in Maine had been restored by himself. He had never seen an entire bike himself, let alone touched on. His answer to the email he had been working on for a long time (he was 'speaking' each of them mechanic's workshop languages: trucker, SUV soccer mom, pizza delivery boy scooter driver, stressed Wall Street banker or well, biker) was:

" _Hello Easy Rider! This is not very business-minded now, but to get a very hand of mine on a 1974 Harley, I'm giving you an inspection for free. I feel like 18 again at my first bikers' meeting. Lying in the mud in the shadow of my bike dreaming of a 74, even thoughthere's a hot chick in black leather by my side ... This sounds pitiful, but it's not. I'm gonna be treating your baby with so much love and tenderness making her purr. Whenever you like. Choose an appointment, I'm ready!_ "

Steve knew the free inspection would bring him lucrative orders, maybe customer recommendations he could make a lot of money with, so this would be a worthwhile investment. It was one of Bucky's corporate tactics.

" _I am a representative in the field being home always late in the evening. But I've been told you guys are flexible. Could this be done after eight?_ "

“ _Also at three in the morning! Fucking 1974 Harley, dude!_ "

" _Thursday, 8.30pm?_ "

" _Can't wait._ "

Steve laughed at Bucky's biker language saying, "So you're going to have a date with a Harley tomorrow," it wasn't a question. "Yes, batshit crazy, isn't it?" Then his eyes grew a little uncertain again. Bucky was just about to apologize to Steve for the overtime he would do the next day, but he waved it off. Bucky and Harley Davidson, there was no point in nagging or pouting. Without blinking, Bucky would _leave_ him for a 74 Harley. Well, maybe not, but Steve'd better not risked it!

On Thursday, Bucky was excitedly waiting for the mysterious biker calling himself 'Easy Rider' and when Helmut Zemo showed up in the workshop at 8:30 pm sharp, he was speechless at first. Then he quickly got very very angry remaining calm on the outside.

"I've told you to never show up in my workshop again. I hereby repeat the house ban. Leave my property immediately!” Zemo laughed. "I have conquered your 'property' in a completely different way." "Seriously, Zemo, go now, otherwise it's going to be uncomfortable." „You're such a tough guy, Barnes. How I've hated you in high school!“ „I don't care about your high school trauma. You've done your certificate later, so what's the point? You're crazy and I'm tempted to call the police.“ „I've only wanted to ditch a few words, then I'm gone, away from your life forever, so relax.” Helmut grinned smugly.

Bucky stared at him briefly going to the desk to get his phone. Zemo watched him calmly without moving. Bucky dialed the number of the NYPD activating the speaker. "NYPD, Officer Mills speaking.“ "James Barnes, 'Barnes' Motor Barn', Brooklyn repair shop, 117, Rogers Avenue, I've got a situation here: trespassing," Bucky replied, keeping an eye on Zemo. "Willingness to use violence?" "Not yet, ma'am. But I feel threatened.“ „Please wait a moment, sir, I'm looking for a patrol near you. Stay tuned.” Zemo laughed again:

"I don't understand why Steve's feeling threatened by _your_ manhood. It's almost funny." _What?_

"Has Steve told you where he's been spending these last few days?" Bucky was thunderstruck.

"Mr Barnes, I've found a patrol near you, sending it, sir." After a short pause the NYPD officer urged: "Sir?" She sounded alarmed, "Are you still there, sir?" Bucky shook his head briefly "This is no longer necessary, ma'am, the intruder has left, excuse me, please." "No need, Mr. Barnes, your police are here for that." "New York's finest, your friendly police department." Bucky replied automatically sounding quite strange in his own ears. But of course not for the NYPD policewoman, not knowing him. “Always at your service, sir. Just go home now, it's after half past eight!“ „You're still working too!“ „But only for 34 minutes yet. You've been definitely there all day at that.” she laughed. Bucky's innate charm also worked on the phone, no matter how he felt. And how he was feeling was written on his face. Helmut Zemo smirked with satisfaction. "I wish you a quiet shift, Officer Mills!" "That would be nice, but this is New York!" She laughed in response. "Good night, Mr. Barnes."

" _What the hell,_ you bloody bastard ..." Bucky gasped between gritted teeth after he finished the call throwing his phone back on the desk. Zemo asked nonchalantly, "Aren't you going to offer me a seat?" Bucky's anger rose. "What do you want here?" He cried angrily, his hands clenched into fists. "So no seat, anyway ..." replied Helmut. "I'm telling you: I want you to experience what it is like to be excessively disappointed. Like me when you spoke out against my admission to the Russian certificate. Oh, how that hurt. But I've gotten over it. "

Bucky knew he should end this conversation, but he just couldn't. “Because of you, I wasn't admitted to the Sarskoye Institute when we returned to Russia, and I had to complete my education at a public university. With no hope of ever being able to achieve my dreams. Nobody from a public university's about to become a cosmonaut!“ „Are you insane? What do I have to do with the Russian education system, what can I do for it? You weren't ready to take a written exam! And what the hell has that got to do with Steve? "

"Steven Stark. Suddenly some colleague of mine and engaged to you! And in a new evolved version at that.“ „Don't talk about him like that. He's not an object!” Bucky hissed. "No, you're right. He doesn't want to be at all. Too bad he feels like one with you.“ _What the hell ..._ „Now leave, I won't listen to this any longer.“ „Has he told you where he's been for the past three days? It's not difficult to guess if I'm asking you like that, is it?“ „This is a thing between Steve and me and I won't discuss it with you for a mere second!” Zemo laughed brightly. "Oh, quite the dignity ... as you are known. Can one crumble this dignity into peaces? I think so."

"Jeez, when you don't go away immediately ... then ... then ..." Bucky was shaking all over, wanting to cover his ears while singing loudly, just to not have to be listening to the the mockery this man was pouring over him. .. "You are a fool, Barnes. Quite some a miracle a man like Steve is unsettled by you. What kind of shady business are you doing?” Bucky bit the inside of his cheeks almost drawing blood. With Zemoy laughter he saw red, hot blind anger running through him and he jumped forward, raising his fists, as a thought hit him freezing him in the middle of the movement.

_You can't fight at all. You haven't had a fight since middle school. Do you want to give him this victory too? After all, he is a sports teacher ... And: You don't want to fight, that's for animals, for fools, for monsters,_ he implored some kind of inner tantrum.

Helmut Zemo still laughed at him. "You know, it's weird and even better: I almost feel sorry for you. How much have you taken your bliss for granted? Your perfect little happiness? Then there's only one tiny mood of annoyance, an insignificant misunderstanding and all your dreams, your hopes, your life's bursting just like soap bubbles. As it sometimes happens. Your spell has worn out. Your dream man suddenly's seeing his prince, his _seargant_ to be as arrogant and smug as he has always been. Just to be clear, we haven't talked about it yet, your sweetheart, your _captain_ 's been with me, in my apartment, in my arms, in my bed. Each day, all the time. It hurts, doesn't it? I hope so.” Bucky was dizzy, swaying, had to sit down.

From the desk chair, of course, he had to look up at his counterpart ...

"Get out of here, Helmut Zemo, get out and never come back! If I ever have to see you again once in my life, then ... then ... just get out of here. If Steve wants you, you're having no choice either way. He's the most stubborn motherfucker on God's green earth.“ „I don't care the slightest bit if Steven wants me ... I want something different: Tell me, do _you_ still want him? Or has your dream just scrambled like mine back then? I hope so. It's something very personal. After all, I've hated you for ages."

"Just get out of here." Bucky spat primly. "I just wanted to be polite. Explaining you what's happened to your life. We've also had good times? Reading Dostoevsky and poems together ... It _was_ nice, wasn't it? _V staryye vremena_ (old times)! High school drama is far behind us, isn't it, my dear old _friend?_ "

"OUT!" Bucky shouted and luckily Helmut Zemo disappeared.

Bucky was stunned, gasping for breath. He automatically cleaned up the workshop, showered and set off. Home. To Steve. _Oh god Steve!_

*

"And?" Steve asked when Bucky came home. "How about the Harley?" Bucky was standing in the door frame when Steve turned to face him.

"Helmut Zemo and you?" Bucky replied toneless making Steve pale. "He's spent me a _visit_ in the workshop, he's been the Harley owner from those emails." Steve groaned in horror: "Bucky, no, I'm sorry ..." Bucky interrupted him: "Stop it, Steven." Steve closed his mouth with an audible pop. "I've told you how much the guy's scaring me. How convinced I am he's up to something. I don't want to be a jealous diva like you always are, but: YOU AND HELMUT ZEMO?” Bucky was screaming now. Steve was silent, deathly pale in his face and with no idea what to say ...

"Is it true what he's saying?" "W-what?" “Do you have an affair with him?”, Bucky looked mad, his shoulders tense, his fists clenched, fire in his eyes, jaws hard and grinding. Steve was frozen. After all, he hadn't thought that through properly himself. Some escapade was a one-time thing. What he had been doing with Helmut Zemo in his apartment and ... "JUST TELL ME!" Steve winced, he stammered: "N-no ... I ... No, B-bucky, it wasn't like that!" Bucky closed his eyes, had to hold onto the door frame next to him, his legs gave way so much. Wrong answer ... _A cheater's wording_ ... _Oh, Stevie ..._ "S-so it's true ... you fucking bastard", His words were quiet but easy to understand.

"Bucky! I ... want ... I don't know what to say. I am sorry! So sorry, but I ... Let me explain!“ „Explain? Do you want to explain this? What is there to _explain_? You've FUCKED Helmut Zemo!“ „ Bucky. It ... I ... Can we talk, in peace?“ Bucky snorted: „Talking in peace ... IN PEACE? I know what fucking is, Steve! What's there to talk about?“ „Bucky...“, Steve pleaded tormented. "You have yet not answered me! Are you having an affair with him?” Steve didn't want to return with a simple answer. "It's complicated." "YOU BLODDY BASTARD! You're such a giant asshole, Steve! Why don't you just answer me? Are you or not? TELL ME!"

Steve swallowed, got up going a little closer to Bucky, who was still in the doorway between the hall and the living area, holding out his hands in a soothing gesture. "P-please! You're scaring me!“ He pleaded softly and helplessly, "you've never been so mad. Never ...“ „WHY DON'T YOU JUST ANSWER 'NO'?" Bucky yelled, collapsing. First falling onto his knees, his upper body sagged and he crouched down on the floor, arms around himself, breathing snatchy. He had hoped against better knowledge Steve would say 'no', laughing and getting annoyed after, but no. Nothing like this had happened. So it was true... "Bucky, please, let me ... please talk to me. I can assure you ... I feel horrible. "

"You feel _horrible_ , aw, my _poor_ baby." Bucky's tone was weak and somehow defeated despite his attempted sarcasm, he was barely understandable anyway, with his face buried in his arms ... "Your fuckbuddy made sure of me feeling horrible, too. A problem shared, so to speak. But, you know what? It's not a problem halfed in the slightest.", He sobbed dryly, "Why Steve? Why have you done that? You're breaking my _heart_ ... ”, his last word was choked with tears. Steve gathered courage, maybe Bucky would understand if he explained. He was there with him, the picture of misery Bucky offered, not daring to touch him.

"I've been so stupid because I was so ... so angry and because, because ..... I ... Bucky, are you listening to me?" He raised his head. His _defeated_ look hurting Steve's heart even more. He gathered all courage: "I ..., I can not explain myself how I could let that happen. I've been driving around the night after our argument, for hours. I've ended up at his door. Everything what happened afterwards is like in the fog, you have to believe me, baby.“, he said bravely. Bucky snorted: "Don't you go 'baby' on me. Have you done drugs?“ „N-no. I've had some double scotch, but I've not been drunk and then... ”, he took a hard breath, straightening his shoulders: "I haven't been getting on well with our relationship dynamics lately." Bucky blinked in surprise.

"The night you've came back from your business trip when we were going to make love and you've said that about me making you breakfast, something's gone wrong with me. And I've suddenly thought you're seeing this in me: some doll, your cute little plaything, a schoolboy. Your sweet mistress.” Steve swallowed. Bucky had become motionless, his expression never revealed anything. "Then I've thought about what it would be like the other way around. If you felt like that and I was as strong and confident and manly like you ... Could I've actually told you this? How would you've reacted and wouldn't you've been remembered of... I mean ...“ Steve's speech died off.

"Of what? Remembered of what?“, Bucky sounded genuinely interested in what Steve had to say. "I mean because of ... back then. _Jay_.” Bucky narrowed his eyes. "Jay? You're still thinking of him?" Steve squirmed a little on his spot under his glance, regardless raising his chin: "He's seen you like that. A cute little thing to play with. And he's wanted things from you, done things to you which...”, Steve's speech died off again at Bucky's iridescent eyes, suddenly irritating him. Bucky took a deep breath: "What do you think he's wanted from me, doing to me?" "I don't know in detail of course, but ... what you've told me ... that party on the boat ...“ Bucky laughed harshly. "Steve ... what happened there ..." he sighed.

"Jay was very, let's call it, keen on experimenting and I was some kind of a virgin when I was with him. I wanted to please him, not being boring in his eyes so I went through some stuff, high as a kite, which would have scared me soberly. Handcuffs, blindfolds, games with food or sex toys. role-play... Nothing of any of this the both us aren't doing regularly today! He's never wanted to make me his doll, and certainly not his sweet little mistress. Jay was only ever interested in the man in me." Steve shrugged his shoulders uneasily, gathering up all courage: "And that party on the yacht? Valentine's Day?” Bucky's expression remained calm. "A sex and drugs party, like you can see a lot of American kids do from time to time, not nice, but that's just how life is sometimes."

Steve was stunned. Bucky had told this story years ago and had hated Jay, his first boyfriend, so fervently! And now? Did he seriously dismiss it like a trifle, really? "But ... Bucky!" "What, Steve?" Bucky called, "Yeah, I've made myself a slut, but there was no doubt about me willingly being into it all. Shit happens. Fuck it all off. An awkward wild story from my youth.“ „You've been so unhappy about it back then and scared, distraught!“ „I was 17! How else should I have felt? Do you really think that's still up to me? After so many years?“ „D-do you but for all that understand why I've done what I have?“ Steve asked anxiously. Bucky looked at him in silence for a long time. Then he hung his head. "A little bit and not at all at the same time." "Baby, I haven't wanted to burden you about this! And, you're always knowing, understanding and sympathetic when I... ", Steve fell silent.

They never put it in words: Steve's escapades with women. Bucky looked at him unfathomably. "Yeah, I guess, I am," he stated after a little while raising his hand to his neckline, pulling out the thin silver chain from under his shirt, to which his engagement ring was attached. Bucky didn't like wearing rings in everyday life because he worked with his hands, so Steve had given him a chain to his ring shortly after their engagement so he could wear it on his body when he was working. Steve couldn't move, eyes wide open, watching Bucky's movements. With a jerk, Bucky pulled the chain tearing it apart. He threw it on the coffee table looking at Steve. "Cancel the wedding. Call everyone except Shuri and ... my parents, I'm doing that.“ With that he left the living room. Steve still couldn't move, staying put for an hour, grown stiff ...


	85. A wide open Crack ...

**A wide open Crack ...**

Steve finally got up, went to Bucky's 'wrapping paper' drawer, taking out a napkin from Birds of a Feather: He carefully picked up Bucky's engagement ring and torn chain, swallowing hard, kissed the ring, wrapping it cautiously. Back then, Bucky had given him his ring wrapped in some similar napkin. This one was upstairs in Steve's nightstand, but he didn't know if he could go there now. Bucky was probably in the bedroom, packing up some of his stuff. _Oh god, Bucky!_

Another hour later, Steve dared to go upstairs finding their bedroom empty. There were no bags or suitcases around either packed or half packed or even prepared for packing. He paused in front of Bucky's study for a moment.

"Don't you wanna come in? You're about as quiet as a herd of buffalo when you're trying to tiptoe.“ "If you're allowing ...“ „Otherwise I wouldn't have asked you in." Bucky sounded pretty calm, a little tired, yes, but controlled and a bit cool but still friendly. Steve pushed open the ajar door making Bucky turn around on his office chair, away from his desk to look at him. His eyes fell on the package out the of napkin in Steve's hand. He cleared his throat after taking a glance at Steve's ring finger.

"First: I'm not some hurt teenager. I'm not about to reclaim the ring but I'm asking you ... well: it's my wish you ... don't wear it anymore, please. And secondly: I'd understand if you wanted the ring you gave me back. I won't judge you for it and I won't see a hurt teenager in you 'cause of it. I know it's common practice to reclaim gifts that valuable. But after all, for all I know that only applies to break-ups."

Steve couldn't actually be following him. Holding out the wrapped up ring he said: "I don't reclaim the ring either. Would you like to ...find some place for it? _Keep it?_ “, He had to force his last two words out a bit. "Why don't you get yours off and keep them together? I know you've got a place for things like that. That's where you're keeping my old medal from... ", he fell silent seeing Steve pulling on his ring, tugging, blushing in the face and looking very desperate ... Bucky got up putting his hands on Steve's. "Come on, let's go to the bathroom. I'm helping you with a little soap and cold water.” Steve's brains finally caught up with the events.

"How have you meant that about them giving back gifts only applying for break-ups?" Bucky gave him a little sad smile. "I don't want to break up with you, Steve. I just can't get married you. Not now. Not anymore after ... Just not now. Do you want to break up? Do you want me to move out?“, he asked in a suddenly anxious voice. Steve shook his head vehemently and a little desperately: "No! No, no, I don't want to break up with you! Oh god, of course not! I love you!” Bucky didn't answer immediately. He gave himself a jerk after a while.

"Let's go to the bathroom. I'm helping you with your ring.“ „No. First ... tell me what's going to happen to us!” Steve looked at him pleadingly. Bucky took him by his upper arms gently, putting his forehead on Steve's shoulder sighing: "I love you too, Stevie. Nothing's changed about that. It never will. We've just gotten this house, we ... I want this to be working. But ... I can't marry you, Steve.“ He nodded heavily. "I understand. But ...“ „Please don't, Steve, I'm not changing my mind. Don't do that.” There was regret in Bucky's voice, sounding final though.

"I know. I haven't wanted to ... I mean, of course I've wanted to ask you to think it over, but I know I shouldn't. So I'm not doing it. I just want to know one thing: when you've replied my proposal with stating one yourself, you've been sure of it, haven't you?” Bucky didn't hesitate for a second. "Absolutely. I would never do this lightly, not on something that important.“ „Thanks, baby,” Steve whispered into his hair. "I promise I will be able to make you trust me again. I'm doing everything for it. Everything, baby. Whatever it takes.“ „I hope so, Stevie. Come on, let's go to the bathroom."

Steve cried a bit when his ring was off his finger with Bucky rubbing his back soothingly, then he helped ihm to towel his hands before sitting down on their bed with him. "Thank you for staying." "Thank you for letting me stay." "But Bucky, this is ... I don't understand." „Well, aren't you just done with it? My fickle position on marriage?" It sounded a bit like in the time before when this easy teasing tone had always been between them … "You've got good reasons for your decisions everytime, Bucky“ „Do I? Are you going to see him again?” This was a very aprupt change of subject. Steve was startled, not expecting this.

"NO!" "Why not?" "I love you, Bucky. This has been a huge mistake and I'm sorry. I really don't want to go see him ag ..“ Bucky interrupted: „Is this your only reason?“ "Why are you firing question after question at me? Don't let me finish?“ „Do you think that's me being unfair here? Or cruel?“ „I ... no, _bullshit_. Nothing like that. You've got every right to...“ „Yes, indeed.” Steve looked angry, he hated being interrupted. He always lost thread and with this feeling Bucky was aiming for something still beyond his understanding was frightening him. He didn't want to be carried away, saying something wrong.

"Please stop it, Bucky. Just tell me what you want to say. Ask outright what you want to know. I can't keep up with your subtlety.” This was so honest, Bucky's built-up walls cracked a little. Exhausted, he sank against the headboard pulling up his legs, putting his arms around his knees. Steve relaxed a bit sitting down more comfortably. "Are you tired of me?" Bucky looked intently at his knees when asking. Steve stared at him incredulously and shaking his head in amazement. He noticed Bucky couldn't see without looking at him. He hurried to ask, "Are you crazy? No! How have you come up with that?” Now Bucky was crying ... Steve was at his side in an instant, stroking his arms, petting his hair, kissing his head over talking to him gently.

"You love me more than doing good for you, baby. At least more than I deserve. But not more than I do love you. Definitely not. I've followed you to the army, moved to Queens with you, doping the shitty job in the harbor with you and getting this house with you, although I've liked the other one way better. I do without the housekeeper, whom I would have loved to hire just so I wouldn't offend you. I've wanted a winter wedding for you, although I love summer. I have agreed about having a cat - a cat! These animals loathe me ... ", he cleared his throat, "I know I'm full of shit telling you all this now I've hurt you so much. But I want you to remember. And I don't want that for myself. I want it for you."

Bucky never interrupted him. He was no longer crying, lying against Steve's chest, his ear just above his heartbeat, with closed eyes, listening to his warm, quiet voice. "You have to realize how much I love you, how much you are worth to me, how much you really mean to me. I love you more than anything, Bucky. More than my own life. And I love my own life achingly because I'm with you. And yet, I love you even more.“ „Cats don't loathe you.” Bucky sniffed softly. Steve chuckled sadly. "Cats like me about as much as one of ours would do with genital herpes." Bucky choked out a small laugh, but didn't answer. "Say something ..." Steve breathed into his hair. "Let's go to sleep."

They put on their sleeping clothes, brushed their teeth lying down for the night. They clasped their hands in bed waiting for them to fall asleep. "Bucky?" "Hm?" "Don't you ever feel like you're missing something? Not having tried anything just to know whether you like it or not ...“ „I've done so enough in life“ "What?“ „I've probably tried out a hundred things …" Bucky giggled. Steve looked a little scared and a little alarmed. "Anything I need to know?" „I liked everything I've done with you to a large extent, I've done that before you."

"You were 18 and you've been with three men before me.", Steve sounded a little unsettled and offended. "Four," Bucky corrected, "I've always used my time well." Steve had to laugh. He immediately felt better. "Gee, Bucky ..." Steve grumbled. "Don't complain, at least I've already known what I'm doing, meeting your impressive thirst for knowledge in gay love-making." „I guess I've been lucky.“ „You have, haven't you?“ „Goddamn lucky." With that he kissed Bucky on his forehead affectionately. "Good night, Casanova." "Good night, role model in chastity." Both of these statements were complete nonsense ... When Bucky was asleep, Steve was mentally counting again. So Bucky had never told him about one of his lovers!

*

The next morning's awakening hit Bucky like a truck. It hadn't been some aweful nightmare. This really had happened. Steve's bedspace next to him was empty. He probably was out running. Bucky rolled over onto his stomach burying his face into his pillow ... _Oh god, Stevie ..._

Nothing was like before. The crack in their relationship gaped deeply and it would be hard work for both of them to mend it. There were nights, some very few nights, with them making love to each other in a wild despair, and there were nights when Bucky couldn't even stand Steve touching him, those nights were getting more and more common. Both of them were desperate in those nights, too.

Bucky was unsettled, his self-confidence at zero and for the first time in their relationship, he was openly jealous, genuinely suspicious. He wanted so much to believe Steve when he told him where he'd been, when he was late, but there were always doubts left. Sometimes this was leading to ugly arguments and sometimes it only made Bucky retreating into his shell, putting some happy mask on his face, acting his confident, charming self as formerly, with likewise being a stranger to Steve more than ever before.

The worst of it was Bucky constantly interrogating Steve for hours whether he was truely satisfying him, if their sex was as good as he had always believed. Steve, who assured him again and again, had to exert all his strength and iron willpower to handle this with understanding and patience. It wasn't easy when Bucky was talking about sex all the time, not making love to him the same time. He was glad he was on holidays ...

Both of them were suffering terribly.

*

They postponed informing friends and family two weeks. The first person to find out from Bucky was Major George Barnes, ironically. But it was only natural that Bucky would find it easiest to inform the person he had the weakest bond with. He called him late at night. George Barnes had lived in Florida since his retirement and had moved into the inherited house after the death of his parents.

"James!" He boomed, "how are you? I should have contacted you about the invitation, but ...” “That's why I'm calling, Dad. The wedding ... does not take place.“, Bucky got it over with. "Oh ... well, I have to tell you honestly, your mother and I have always thought you and Stark have been a bad match. And that now you've just bought a house. Don't let yourself ...“ „Dad!" Bucky interrupted his father, massaging his temple, a sudden throbbing pain had appeared behind it. "We haven't split up. We're just not going to get married, that's all.” The silence on the other end spread.

"Do you know how I can get in touch with Mom ...er _Winifred_?" Bucky's mother now insisted her son call her by her name, not 'mom'. Mrs. Barnes kept dashing around the country like some hippie, without a phone, wild and free for a few weeks or months. When she ran out of money, she came home a few months. This had been going on for years. Bucky didn't understand his father at all about being okay with this. Then he pressed his lips together embitteredly wondering what else he would have to take from Steve throughout life ...

"Your mother's calling once a week, just like I've insisted. I will inform her.“ „Thank you, Dad. How are you? What about the tennis elbow?“ They went on with their embarrassed small talk for a few more minutes saying goodbye in relief after. That had not been pleasant, but it wasn't particularly painful either. His beloved grandparents had been killed in an airplane crash three years ago, and now that Bucky had no more families to call, he had to cry again for a while, all alone this time, before calling Shuri.

"Hey! Are you already shitting your pants, groom? I'm so happy to finally see you all again...“ Bucky interrupted her speech. "Shuri! I have to tell you something.” She fell very silent on the other end. "A-are you still there?" "Of course.", She said nothing more, Shuri was nobody who was pushing one. "I ... we're canceling the wedding." Silence again. "Shuri?" "Who's canceling the wedding, you or Steven or both of you?" Bucky took a shaky breath. "Me."

"Oh. I'm coming anyway.“ „Shuri, that's ... you always have so much to do and I have a lot to do in the workshop myself ...“ „If you don't want me to come, just tell, you know, I'm leaving that up to you and ...“ „It's not like that... ", Bucky sobbed softly, "Only, I can hardly keep myself together anyways and if I'm at this point having this sort of conversation with my best friend it'll be tearing me to pieces." "You still want to tell me what the reason behind is? Without any conversation about the guy not deserving you, as it seems to be the order of the day among best friends in these circumstances.”

"I ... I love Steve. But I can't marry him.“ „You've got your reasons for both, I assume.“ „That's it. I'm not sure! I mean, of course I'm sure I love him, but I might be making a big mistake when I ... it's not at all working anymore between us, I'm awful to him and in the end ... in the end I am the one sitting on the curb on a suitcase full of clothes with a cat in a shoebox because Steve has gone tired of it.“ „You've got a cat now?“ „No, but he's getting me...", his voice died off. Said cat has been about to be given to him after their honeymoon ...

"I don't see a chance to understand anything of this when you're telling me so little. If you don't _want_ to tell me more, leave it be, but you can't expect any advice from me or even understanding“ „I can't get married to him, not after ... I don't know if he's the person I've been seeing in him or whether I am the person I've thought to be.“ „Have you maybe just got cold feet, making something up in your mind? All people who get married are going through this – all the doubts and concerns. At least if they are equipped with a spark of mind and as far as I know, it is more than a spark in your case."

  
"No. He ... he's done something and I'm taking it pretty badly. But maybe this is a mistake. Steve, after all, is the one I've always wanted, the one I've always loved!“ „How's he taking your decision?“ „He is unhappy about it, but sympathetic at the same, hoping to regain my trust.“ „So does he still want to be with you?“ „Yeah, I'm sure so...?“ „All to the end of his life?“ „I think so.“ „Although you're leaving him in front of the altar giving him a hard time?“ „Uh ... yeah, he is.“ „I can't think of any reason why he should change his mind. After all, that's a package you're putting there for him. If he's holding on to you anyway, give yourself the time you need. After all, Steven's obviously doing the same.” Bucky thought for a moment before exhaling in relief. Shuri was right!

"You are so smart, princess! Thank you.“ „As if this were some news. When you really don't want me to come, I don't. I have some quite exciting stuff going on here right now!“ „Tell me!“ They had been talking about technology for an hour with Bucky not doing actually well after, but a little better than before. He sent Shuri an email, roughly explaining what had happened, for which she thanked him, but again without poking furhter into the subject or even judging ...

Steve called Sam, informing him about the called off wedding and he interrogated the whole story out of him before literally tearing him open a second asshole. "Are you a special kind of stupid, man? How can you be doing something up the pole like this when you're engaged to someone?” Steve defended himself weakly with how understanding Bucky had always been and about being sure he could fix it even if he had to wait half an eternity .

"If I were Bucky or if Sharon would pull something like that, you could confidently wait whole of eternity! This man adores the floor you're walking on. He thinks you're farting rainbows and is sure your sweat's smelling of lavender. He also put the damn coolest ring in the world on you and you ... you ... _Argh_ , Steve! You're such a damned idiot.“ „Hey, I'm aware of that, okay? How long have you been defending Bucky so ardently, I've been actually hoping to get some sympathy out of you.“ „Sympathy? I'm giving you this: _pity._ That's what I can give you! I'm sorry for you because you are so damn stupid.” Steve said nothing, Sam was simply right in the end.

"Steve? Man, I'm feeling you, anyway, okay? You must be terrible with how much you've hurt him. _Can_ you fix this?” Steve sobbed softly. "I have to, Sam, otherwise I don't know what to do. I'm trying everything, I gotta do everything! Whatever it takes.“ „Yes, man, I'm convinced of that.“ „Can you tell Sharon?“ „I will." Sharon sent him a message late in the evening:

“Dear Steve, I am very sad about this development of events, because you've been meant to be. But: The two of you still are the romance of the century. Believe me, you are. Heads up. Love overcomes everything. I feel with you. And if you need someone, I'm here for you. Love, Sharon.” Steve thanked her for her encouraging words.

Steve could do little more on the phone. It was easy to cancel the bachelor party in short words in a circular email, only a few bothered them with poking around a bit. But they were both able to quickly convince them this was too personal. His family, on the other hand, would never forgive him a circular email. Since none of the Starks were gossiping, he could work them through nicely in order. He started with his supposedly easiest task, with Thor. He was the sparkling optimist of the family and certainly had comforting words giving Steve some hope. So he made an appointment with his brother in his newly founded small event agency, promising to bring some nice breakfast. Thor was happy about the nice surprise immediately agreeing. Thor realized he'd still not seen their house fully modernized and furnished, making a mental note to talk about a soon visit...

After he looked at some old picture folders from their childhood and remembered the summer when Steve had gone to the army and about all of them really missing him without having expected beforehand, at least him and Loki ...


	86. Thor's Musings of the Past

**Thor's Musings of the Past**

At the dinner table everyone was chattering lividly - as always. It was the first day of the new school year and Thor and Loki were now in junior high. Steve's now empty space kept drawing everyone's attention. It was strange that their family was no longer complete. Of course, all of them - except Peter - knew this was the way things were going, but still. At this very moment the little boy called:

"Steve should be there. I want Steve.” Tony and Pepper looked at each other briefly, both feeling exactly the same ... The fact their firstborn had a dreary existence many miles away in some barracks of the US Army hurt his parents. Well, maybe his existence wasn't too dreary. What Steve had gotten into those barracks was love. And his great love was with him exactly in those barracks ...

"Steve is with Bucky, you know that, Spiderling." Tony smiled. "Bucky gone too. I want Bucky-Steve!” “They're coming home for Thanksgiving, honey, it's not that long anymore.” Pepper comforted him. Then she turned to Loki: "Have you already had drama class, darling?" Loki had of course applied for Drama, Media and Event planning as well as for Science and English and Literature.

"No, mother, but my first lesson in Literature was interesting. We've gotten the reading list for our first trimester. I'm gonna have a lot of free time. I've already read all the works several times.” “Little bookworm!” Thor shouted cheerfully but not without a warm undertone. Loki stuck out his tongue, an unusual flash of prank for the serious boy. Thor spoke up:

"We've already had Music, Band and Orchestra today! The trimester's gonna to be awesome! The class's doing performances at all kinds of charity events and the repertoire for it is quite some challenge! From jazz ensemble to cover band to experimental music, everything is included!” Thor had chosen the advanced classes in Sports Science and Economics in addition to music. His mother had suggested Economics because she would eventually be able to help him.

"Experimental music?" Loki sniffed, "Let's call it by name: moderately talented high school musicians get the chance to get a few good grades without any effort." "Ah, not at all like Drama ...!” Thor sneered, “Another chance to get good grades without effort and work. Method Acting. 'Look, I'm an ice cream cone, ain't I a great ice cream cone? I'm the most amazing and innovative ice cream cone on the planet.”

Their parents laughed. Loki just shrugged his shoulders indifferently. He had big plans for his advanced class. He had been dreaming of that for years. He had been working on his chemical stage effects all through the last school year and had a pretty arsenal together. Sure, what Bucky's class had got up to with the BARF projector hadn't been bad, but what Loki had in mind was much more honest theater work. He would also put a lot more emphasis on costumes, rehearsals and set designs.

The sometimes minimalistic way Bucky started his major project was not so much to his taste. He just didn't know how to get the class and especially Mrs. Jones, or Dr Strange, to change the curriculum so instead of, let's say, visual communication, stage design and setting construction was on the program. He had thought about it all throughout the holidays.

“In Economies, we're asked to think about what would be good ideas for a students start-up. We've got a week of time. The best suggestions are distributed to small groups.” “And do you have something in mind?" Pepper wanted to know. "Um, yes, I have! A children's birthday party service!” “At that you can spend whole afternoons in the bouncy castle,” Loki said dryly. Thor grinned widely: "This is the plan. No, kidding. Seriously, I think that's a good idea! Many parents, especially when both are working, are always stressed and most parents always want to outdo other parents with the parties for the little ones. I think there is potential in it!"

"And haven't we always had legendary birthday parties?" Tony smiled at his son. "Even though you've been working hard with always being stressed.” "Oh yeah, I remember the memorable afternoon, when you had a clown for your eighth birthday." Loki said coolly but slightly amused though.

(Steve, who was just under ten years old at the time, had secretly watched the old two-part horror movie IT from the eighties with friends and, although he was going to die rather than admit it, he got pretty scared. He feared nothing more than clowns at the time and was spinning together some crazy story about his parents having fallen for a child murderer, and like a real detective he had decided to convict him.

When he was given the opportunity to inspect the clown's unattended bag, he found an indication making him to believe he was dealing with a true murderer and which gave him some a lot of goosebumps all over his body. He literally had his hair on end: a girl's T-shirt, size 5-6 years, with a glittering shrilly colorful unicorn on it ... and a huge blood stain!

During the performance, he plunged onto the villain into sure death, armed with the large fire extinguisher from the garage, spraying the contents of it wildly uncontrolled through the air. The poor clown got a lot of it. During his attack he shouted: "Dad! Hold him down, the man is a criminal! Mom, call the police! Run away, run for your life, he wants to kill you all! ”, Which caused another outcry in the audience making most of the younger guests run away screaming while Thor, strongly determined to help his brother, lunged forwards with a roar knocking over the foam-covered man.

After a few more confusions, it turned out the bloodstained t-shirt belonged to the five-year-old daughter of the professional clown and he wanted to get it cleaned later, stained with syrup as it actually was. The party was over, but Thor, who had enjoyed the excitement, didn't care too much. Steve was grounded and got a media ban for a week.)

The family laughed heartily at the memory. It led straight to the next one.

(The summer holiday after Steve's 12th birthday and the obligatory farm visit were slowly dying away. Thor spent a few weeks in a youth circus camp, where, contrary to Loki's assumption being the clown, he learned certain acrobatic skills. Steve , who missed his best friend Bucky painfully, his father had then been stationed in Japan for a few months, had made a half-hearted decision after long deliberations to go to a camp called "Future Politicians out of Teens".

Loki hated having to sleep in a room with strangers, so he spent half the day out on the town outskirts, at a theater pedagogy program, and the rest of the day was at the mercy of his hated nanny. Well, Loki hadn't liked one of the Stark's numerous nannies. What did he need one for? He always knew what to do and when he got regular meals he was completely satisfied with himself and his everyday life full of books and theater plays.

For days he had fought a bitter war with Mrs. Gardener, who had a completely different idea of reasonable leisure time than the eight-year-old. She kept reminding him he needed fresh air, so he was reading outdoors, next he should move more, so he paced up and down while reading. But at what he didn't want to give in to her at all was her crazy idea the boy urgently needed social contacts with other children. So for the first week she forced him to visit a local, very popular, and very crowded playground with her each day.

Loki thought his contacts in the theater pedagogy program were more than sufficient (which in his language meant: far too much!). He also saw through Mrs. Gardener. She found her everyday life in the afternoon boring with the youngest Stark child. She longed for social contacts! Should she go to the playground without him! He was busy. He rehearsed a monologue he had written himself, and he wanted to pursue its effect in the mirror.

Mrs Gardener, who had picked him up from the theater project at 12 pm., had lunch with him and when he seriously suggested to her going to the playground without him today, she stared at him, shaking her head, and decided to call his parents after lunch. Mr and Mrs Stark were in a conference right now, but Mrs Stark's assistant promised a call-back from her superiors back when they got back from the conference room. Loki had to prevent that from happening. Resisting his mother's direct order to listen to Mrs. Gardener was nothing he'd dare to do.

So he pondered about a solution and finally gave in to Mrs. Gardener, agreeing to go to the playground and asked her to get some throwing game from one of the upper shelves in the outdoor toys shed. While the nanny, on a ladder, was searching in some boxes on the upper shelves, the boy quietly sauntered out of the shed locking his nanny in place. His monologue was supposed to blow off everyone the next day!

When his parents came home at 7 pm. and his father stuck his head in through his door shortly afterwards, he was very annoyed. "Father, I'm working on something important here." Where's Mrs. Gardener?” Loki got a little nervous and a bit uneasy, he answered: “I've last seen her in the toys shed.” That was technically not a lie. When Mr and Mrs Stark freed Mrs Gardener, she was understandably upset and quit immediately.

Loki was initially quite satisfied until the next day at 12 when he was picked up by the Stark Industries company limousine and taken to his parents in the Stark Tower. He was forced to spend his afternoons there until they could hire a new nanny. He hated the Stark Tower! Too many people, the constant hustle and bustle, the continuously ringing telephones, the strangers who wanted to pat his head or pinch his cheeks (!) And his parents: curt, stressed, cool and unrecognizable ...

A week later, Thor and Steve were back from their camps. Thor had laughed his ass off when he heard the story. Steve was very ashamed. Besides, Mrs. Gardener had been the first nanny he really liked. She had an unusual hobby: vexillology! She always brought exciting flag puzzles for Steve, and often quizzed him playfully. He was soon a real expert. When he enthusiastically wrote Bucky to Japan about it, he replied: “Vexillll lol - is that contagious? :p” “You're a philistine! It is the science of flags.” “Terrific! _Not_. Our flag is pretty with all stars, I like stars, but it is so difficult to draw. The rectangular white plate with some tomato on it, I'm there right now. I'm also a vexill - thingie.”

Steve then sent him a photo of two pictures he had drawn: an artistic and detailed drawing of the US flag and an equally artistic and detailed drawing of a rectangular plate with a tomato on it, Caption: “Me and flags, you and food – typical!” Bucky was beaming with joy on the other side of the planet. He liked 'his' plate with a tomato on it, it was beautiful. Also: Steve had drawn the picture for _him_!)

Thor laughed and laughed: “And I am told to be the wild one in the family. Everyone else's done a lot more crazy things!” That caused a coughing fit in his father, eyebrows in Loki's hairline and a shake of the head from his mother. "What?" "The forester trap?" Loki suggested dryly. Everyone laughed, even Peter, who was now playing with Friday under the table. He always laughed when his family was laughing.

(Thor was 11 when he got interested in the skills of a boy scout. However, his parents did not approve of joining this club at all because of the political, completely old-fashioned and sexist background and statutes, so the carefree boy decided to learn everything by teaching himself. He borrowed a few books from the library and spent a few weeks studying things like tracking down water, making a fire (he could do that a long time ago), trapping and searching for tracks.

The vacation in Montana was just around the corner. Thor was looking forward to trying out his new skills - and impressing little Cooper! The vacation with the Bartons unfortunately had to be canceled. Pepper had fallen on a stair a week earlier breaking her ankle. Vacation on a farm on crutches, she could not imagine. In addition, the position of the screwed bones connection had to be checked regularly by X-ray. Tony only trusted the small private clinic, where the whole family was always treated, and with a heavy heart they canceled this year's vacation.

As expected, Loki was quite happy, Steve was happy that he would be able to spend more time with Bucky, they had just started training for cycling on a nearby training ground - Bucky had gotten a fantastic racing bike from his parents for his 14th birthday and Steve had already had one. Thor was deeply disappointed. Where in or around New York he could actually exist the kind of completely new adventures he had in mind ... The rescue came in the form of a suggestion from his mother at dinner:

"I think it's awful the whole family is sitting around at home for the summer holidays." "But that doesn't matter, mother." "No, Mom, I'm still going to space camp with Bucky, it's not that bad!” Thor had the feeling he had to say something nice too: "And I'm going to drumming camp in August." It sounded just as lame as the disappointed boy felt. Pepper smiled encouragingly at him:

"Why don't you go camping with Dad and your brothers for a few days?" Tony looked up, eyebrows raised. Loki's expression spoke volumes, Thor began to smile hesitantly, and Steve looked from his mother to his father and back again, quite rightly assuming that she had the power to make decisions here. "Pep ... I'm not going to leave you here alone." " _Alone_ , Tony ... Mrs Watson's coming every day and Jim or Natasha and Bruce will be happy to keep me company. The boys should come out a little and you too, darling. "

"And what about you? This is also your annual vacation!” “I could work through the stack of books dusting on my bedside table. I'm never getting to it! So I don't have a guilty conscience because I'm neglecting you.” “But my guilty conscience is perfectly fine leaving you here with an injured leg. Well, nobody has ever really worried about my conscience.” Pepper laughed a little at him. "Oh, my poor darling, do you need a few pats?" "I think Ms. Potts, you are talking about something I've been ..." Loki interrupted his flirting parents by clearing his throat loudly. They stopped immediately, the boy _was_ touchy.

"I could stay with mother! My stack of books is just as high as hers and I would certainly not disturb her, but I could take care of her well-being. Getting her what she needs and inform you if something happens at what you are indispensable, father ” His tone of voice betrayed that in his eyes this would certainly not be the case, not once. Steve spoke up: "Or me! Loki may be a little too young yet for this task, but I'm already 13!” “Yes, a responsible _teenager._ ", Loki sneered, "You just want to stay here to ride your racing bikes all day with Bucky, admit it at the least!"

Steve's face turned red, firstly because he couldn't really dismiss this ulterior motive and secondly because he was annoyed his four-years-younger brother saw through him so easily ... He immediately got angry: "Well, that's one enervating imputation!" (He hoped Loki didn't know what the word 'enervating' meant - far from it, by the way) "I'm just convinced not to be too distracted by my interests when it comes to mom's well-being like one Nine-year-old who ...” “Stop!" Pepper called with a laugh, "Boys ... I don't need a babysitter!"

Tony, still worried, undecided wrinkles on his forehead, intervened: “Your mother is right: she least of all needs a babysitter. But …" Pepper's triumphant smile shrank a bit ... ”...I really can't leave you here alone, honey, so which of our chivalrous sons do you choose?" Steve sat up straight while Loki already was pretty sure of his case. Because: Who, if not him, would give their mother only joy, reading side by side with her, without disturbing her - for hours! After all, Steve couldn't shut up a quarter of an hour!

His mother disagreed: “Tony, you can't ask me to do that! I'm not making this decision. I think it's not necessary at all anyways! Take all the three of them with you, they need a vacation!” “And if I do that, honey, _I_ won't have a vacation ... I am probably the one who needs the live wire to you when I'm leaving you behind." Pepper rolled her eyes over this exaggeration, but secretly he was making her very happy. Tony was such a _darling_! She sighed fondly: "Okay, let's flip a coin." Loki won.

The camping trip was fun for all of them three after all. Thor was roaming the woods all day long to find traces and hidden water sources. Tony texted a lot with Rhodey, Happy and Bruce, they all never had much time. The place he had chosen, within a two hour drive home, was pretty and Steve had many political questions to be enthusiastically discussed with his father while Thor was crawling around the bushes. On the fourth day, he made a sensational discovery he kept to himself ... some crucial mistake.

Thor worked every minute on his 'sensation' under the strictest secrecy, which meant when he didn't go out fishing or hiking with his father and brother, or had to play a round of 20 questions (at which his first question at Steve always was: "Am I from Star Wars?"). Another two days later, the Starks were startled at lunch (scrambled eggs, a little slippery) because there was a strange clatter nearby. Thor jumped to his feet shouting: "Ha! Got him!” Steve and Tony looked at him questioningly. "Well, the bear whose tracks I've discovered. I've built a trap and he flopped in!"

Tony, who had researched this when choosing the location knowing there were no bears there, jumped up. The three were reached by a scream: “What the hell! What's this about? Whoever is behind this: Get me out of here, you swines!” Thor had caught the local forester. They found him in the deep pit the boy had artfully created, right where he had been studying the treacherous traces for days ...)

"If there had been bears there, Sunny, they wouldn't have stood a chance." Thor laughed good-naturedly.

(When school started again, the first meeting of the sponsors of _Sanctuary Institute of Sciences and fine Arts_ took place. "Stark!" _Titan_ ... oh no, the man was a wacko! Completely blinded by abstruse ideas, wishing to split the world population into half as quickly as possible. Well, if Tony looked at it closely, he would like to cut the amount of people in a small space into half this very moment ... Which meant Titan could disappear ... "Just another year and your boy's going to high school, another one and my Gamora is so, too!"

"Well, Mr. Titan, I am aware of this, it's great, this is a very good school." "But I've had to find out the cafeteria has not yet switched to the menu plan recommended worldwide, which's saying that at most twice a week meat should be on the menu. Incidentally, we have been doing without any animal products for some time. Quite environmentally sustainable. You probably know the studies.” “Of course I'm aware of the scientific approaches of various nutritionists, Mr. Titan, but my children are all still growing and ...” “Ha!" the beefy, several centimeters taller man interrupted, "My Nebula is the tallest girl of the entire year, without any animal protein!"

Tony smiled pained. His sons, with the exception of Thor, who promised to be quite tall and handsome, had evidently inherited his short height. He hoped to be able to give them more self-confidence than he had had in his youth in order to be able to cope with and not have to believe they would have to compensate for this (as he did many years ago). With Steve, however, he already seemed to have failed: the boy was so full of credo, so full of doing _something_ he occasionally overshot the mark, but well, he was still young ...

"But, Stark! Think about it! If your reputable company conducted a study and published how irrelevant animal protein is in our diet today, don't you think you could make a difference?” Tony thought quickly inventing the company strategy he and Pepper should use from then on: "Mr Titan, you initiated something there. I will see what Stark Industries can do in this case and I'll set up a team primarily concerned with it.“, He beamed at his counterpart with honesty and benevolence. Titan ate it immediately.

"You're a great man, Stark." Tony felt a little ashamed after all. After he pulled some strings to set the Sanctuary cafeteria menu plan according to the recommendations of leading nutritionists. He had a new personal fan in Thanos Titan!)

(2031)

Thor cleaned up his hard drive hesitating briefly to open the folder titled 'JF'. He had never told anyone what had happened to him at the passport office some days before. Partly because he could hardly believe it himself, partly because he was a little superstitious. After all, miracles were supposed to go away when you weren't treating them sensitively ... He did opened the 'JF' folder but no one was around who could see him looking at the pictures, which he had found and collected on the school's homepage for a while. He could hardly believe what he found out. She had been growing even more beautiful ...


	87. How to tell the Family?

**How to tell the Family?**

"Steve! Come on in.” The tall, broad-shouldered giant pulled his brother into a bear hug. "Look at my realm!" The recently moved agency Ragnarok-Events fit into two small offices, one for Thor's personal assistant Gary and the media designer Clark and the slightly larger one for Thor. The three men had previously shared a tiny room in an office building, mostly with two of them sitting in the hallway with StarkBooks in their laps. Thor also had a strong moral index regarding the inherited money and wanted to achieve everything on his own ...

The agency brokered technology, catering, artists, coordinating orders, you didn't need a lot of space for that, just powerful computers and good software. Both were of course available to Thor Stark.

Steve put a bag of donuts on the desk of the two men in their office, making them very happy. In Thor's office he packed out more donuts, bagels, a thermos with some decent coffee - the one in Thor's agency was horrible, fruits and yogurts. "Awesome, Steve, thanks!" Thor muttered, he already giving his first bagel a doing over. They were talking about Thor's work and Steve's school for a while, and just when Steve was about to start about the canceled wedding, Thor blurted out:

"Do you remember Jane Foster?" Steve frowned briefly. "Of course! Your huge high school crush! What might have happened to her ...” “I've met her. Some days ago. At the passport office here in New York. She is an astrophysicist and has accepted a job in Chile, i.e. abroad. A very good job, astrophysics graduates from all over the world have applied for it. She had to have her passport extended.“ Thor talked Steve's head off about Jane Foster and he started to wonder a little. "Tell me," he interrupted, "how long have you been talking at the passport office?"

"Maybe five minutes, why?" "She's told you all of this in five minutes?" “No, we've been having some coffee, chatting for over two hours at the little Italian on 7th Avenue, Angelo's.“ _Look at this!_ How bitterly Thor had always complained about her not noticing him in the school corridors, only smiling politely at him when he said hello. The poor boy had been convinced she didn't even know his name. She would definitely not forget the name to this face so quickly today. Steve smiled.

"She's asked about you, laughing, when I've told her you now are teaching at our old school.” That hurt Steve a little, what was so funny about that? But women always laughed and giggled for no real reason when they were with his attractive brother. Even Bucky did so sometimes, but only at Christmas and only when he had too much punch. "She said she was convinced you would one day become President of the United States." At that Steve had to laugh too.

"I've told her you and Bucky are getting married! She's gotten huge eyes. 'Steve and Bucky Barnes are still together? Gosh, your brother pocketed his very own Tony,' she's called out and I haven't understood. She's enlightened me about the 'Tony' being the American theater award, like Oscar for movies ... you know: theater plus prize: the main prize from theater, so to speak, and then we've laughed together. "

Steve just shook his head at his confusing explanation. If Loki had listenedd, his eyes would have got stuck in the back of his head from rolling. And the fact that Jane Foster, one of the smartest girls at school at the time, thought of Thor's occasional cluelessness and naivety so funny, spoke volumes. "She still has the sweetest laugh in the world!" Thor enthused. "Anyway, we're going to have dinner on Friday." Jane Foster would have a lot to laugh about on Friday, Steve predicted internally.

"Uh, Thor ... speaking of the wedding." “I've got everything in my database. Butterflies? Pigeons? Poodles?” “ _Poodles?”_ “Some bride wanted them three weeks ago, not lying.” “No, Thor ...” “No poodles? No pigeons either, right?” “Thor! The wedding's not gonna happen.” Thereupon his brother fell completely silent for several seconds before asking: "Steve ... what's happened? Have you broken up?” Steve took a deep breath. "No, not that. But we're not going to get married.” “Why?” “I ... can't explain now. But we are currently informing everyone and I have done so to you.... well.” “Steve ... how are you doing with that?" Thor was full of sympathy looking at his older brother inquiringly and worriedly. Steve's heart grew warm. Thor was such a good-hearted soul.

"This isn't important. Bucky ... he's just not ready yet ... I ...” “Steve, you don't have to tell me. Who's knowing about yet?” He looked gratefully at his younger brother with his heart of gold in the body of a Viking warrior. "You're the first one..." "Oh, brother, I really don't want to be in your skin right now." Steve's shoulders sagged, he sighed. "Well, after all, it's going quite well in your own skin, isn't it? Jane Foster, brother, what a coincidence!” “Or you can call it fate, who knows?” Thor was very romantic. "And Steve, Bucky is your fate and you are his. Everything's gonna fall into place with the two of you. You are made for each other. I'm sure of that!” Steve smiled sadly saying goodbye.

Next he would go to Loki. When asked when he would have a little time, he texted back: "If you are in town, text me and I will tell you whether I am at home or in the theater. What is it about?” Loki's 'home' theater was the August Wilson Theater, where he did all the practical work for his college Dramaturgy program. "I'd rather say in person." "Drama queen." "Says the one who's making a career at theater." "Touché, brother." Steve texted him after visiting Thor: "Where are you?" "At home."

Steve spared himself from asking if he should bring anything. Loki always denied. He always had everything he needed. He lived in a small apartment right between college and August Wilson's. It was spartan, but with an extensive library, bookshelves lining most of its walls. When he opened Steve, he also had a book in his hand, his index finger sticking where he had just stopped. Loki also wore suits in muted colors at home, but still having his wild curly hair from childhood, which significantly softened his strict look.

"Some tea?" He asked politely. "No thanks." "Sit down." Steve and him settled in the armchairs in the living area. "What do you want to tell me?", Loki always got straight to the point and Steve saved small-talk with him, simply stating: "Our wedding is canceled." His brother placed a bookmark in his book with measured movements, exchanging it for his StarkPad, which was on the table. He apparently called up his calendar to delete the wedding date. This simple action suddenly hit Steve like a truck making him slump in his armchair, hanging his head hiding his face in his hands. He sobbed agonized.

Steve was startled by Loki squeezing his shoulder gently, he always moved without a sound. "Steven ... I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” “But you don't care about these things!" Steve called out, " I don't want to annoy you with it." He heard Loki take a hissing breath. “I'm not interested in _these things_ for me. But I know very well what they mean to all of _you_ and you are my family. You are my brother, Steve. Do you want to talk about it?"

Of Loki's brothers, Steve was the one least close to him. That was because he had moved out when Loki was only just getting through the most difficult phase of his life - puberty. Loki and Thor were the famous opposites attracting each other and Peter was equally devoted to all of his older brothers, them all loved him deeply. They were very proud of the smart little guy.

Steve thought for a moment. Maybe Loki was the best person for this. He was distant, cool, logical and able to keep an overview because he was not bothered by confusing emotions. "I've screwed up ..." he simply said making it easier in an instant. "Now some tea?" Steve looked up and his brother's calm, relaxed expression gave him some strength. "Yes, please." When Loki came back from the kitchen with a silver tray complete with teapot, sieve plate, candy and milk as well as lemon and ridiculously tiny teacups, Steve snorted: "Who's the drama queen now?" "Please, Steven, having tea in a civilized way has nothing to do with drama." They grinned at each other. "You were born in the wrong country, you'd be some quite good Englishman," Steve quipped. "And if you're ever throwing tea into Boston Harbor, you're not my brother anymore." Steve laughed.

Then he told Loki the whole story. Relentlessly and matter-of-factly and it actually helped that he didn't interrupt him with shocked shouts or incredulous questions he would surely hear from his mother. ("But Steve! A colleague!" "And you calmly meet up with women on some dating site and your, your fiance ... _Bucky_ is aware?" "Well, ask your father what he would have experienced if. .. "- Steve could pretty well imagine what his mother had to tell him).

Loki, fingers folded under his chin, waited for Steve to finish. After he asked: "But you still want to be with Bucky, don't you?" "Yes, of course!" "Well, I've had to ask, after all, Bucky's feeling might not be wrong and you're really not satisfied anymore in your relationship.” Steve stared at his brother. "No, Loki, it's not like that." “Then that's clear. And Bucky says he doesn't want to break up with you? He just isn't willing to marry you anymore, have I understood all of that correctly?” “Yes, that's the way it is” “You are dumb asses, both of you.” “Come off it! "

"Steven, if you had listened to yourself, from my point of view, so to speak, you would agree on that." Steve chewed his lower lip. He didn't know what to say to that. "Getting married or not, that's not your problem," Loki stated. "You may have to rethink your relationship." "What, why? I love Buc ...” “Let me go on, please." Steve closed his mouth with a soft pop. "You were nearly mere children when falling in love with each other. You may have never discarded behaviors from that time. But you are older now and both of you have experienced and achieved a lot since. The well-known automatic patterns of behavior are no longer suiting you. "

Steve listened to his little brother with his mouth open. What he said was... plausible. "The upcoming change in your relationship scares you without you knowing it. Teenagers have completely different love relationships than adult men. You just have to adjust it. Because there is no doubt about you loving each other deeply.” Steve smiled half-heartedly. "Yes, isn't it?" "I'm sure of it." "And how do I do that?" Loki's expression darkened. "There, I'm afraid I can't help you. For me it's all gray theory.” Steve's courage sank again.

"Loki, then why do you know so much about these things?" "I'm reading, Steven." Steve, who has been devouring books for most of his life, didn't protest. Nobody could keep up with the wisdom his younger brother was sucking out of the world literature. But he had given him valuable starting points. He could work with that! "Loki ..." he hesitated when saying goodbye. "Do you never wish ... I mean, you're reading so often about love and eternal bonding. " He only shook his head gently. "I'm not made for that. And I don't mind. Honestly.” Steve nodded. "Thanks, Loki." "Fix that up, Steve. I like Bucky.” This coming from Loki's was an accolade!

Now his parents were left and ... Peter. _Oh my god_... He decided not to take that on the same day. He would rather now see whether he could scratch Bucky's walls a bit...

*

When Bucky came home, Steve called excitedly, "Bucky! Do you remember Jane Foster?” He had decided to bring the easiest possible conversational tone back into their time together, not to try on serious conversations over and over again. Bucky hung up his jacket looking at Steve curiously. "Jane? Yes, of course! I've talked to her a couple of times after the winter ball. “You have actually?” Steve knew nothing about that. "Back then I couldn't bring myself to tell you about my miserable failure." "Then tell me now." "I've really wanted to get into her _exclusive_ astronomy club. I've attended her stupid _entrance exam_ and failed.” At the words 'exclusive' and 'entrance exam' he wiggled his fingers in the air.

Steve was intrigued. How much Bucky suddenly looked like back then at high school. Was Loki right about what he'd said about behavior patterns? Bucky went on to say, “Of course I've tried to persuade her several times. And what can I tell you? My widely praised charm has failed. She was adamant. I've been feeling terribly sorry for Thor at the time ...“ It was spooky. Steve saved this information reaching for Bucky. "Poor baby, you can count the people being able to resist you on one hand." His boyfriend took his hand letting himself be pulled onto the couch next to him. "How's your day been?" Bucky told him about work and Steve was simply happy he was allowed to hold his hand.

Bucky had been detracting from him more and more these days, avoiding his touch more often than not. "But how do you come up with Jane Foster now?" "You won't believe that ..." And when Steve had finished talking, he skillfully brought the conversation back to their school days and Bucky's transformation into the cocky loner of that time literally happened immediately in front of his eyes. They were laughing together over an old story and Steve wanted to kiss Bucky afterwards. He got up abruptly.

"I'm hungry. Do we order something or am I about to see what I can pull out of the fridge?” They agreed on pizza delivery and when Steve after a few episodes of a series on Netflix they had seen a hundred times, asked to go to sleep with him, Bucky said, "Go ahead, I have to add stuff to the system because of taxes. Don't wait for me, it may take a while.” “Bucky …" Steve saw his shoulders tighten and fell silent. He pulled himself up: "It's okay. Don't stay up too long anyway. It's late.” “G'night, Steve. "

When he went up, Bucky let out all the air he had been holding dropping his head into his hands. What should he do to get out of this emotional chaos, out of this miserable downward spiral? _Go to Steve ._.. his inner voice kept telling him. Bucky sobbed dryly ... staying down for two more hours in which Steve was upstairs, listening desperately and unhappily to the love of his life restlessly pacing up and down the ground floor ... He pretended to be asleep when Bucky finally came up.

*

Steve had decided to make the task of informing his parents a little easier. He would only speak to one of them personally. No matter which one, they would surely take it over to tel the other one if he asked for it ... And then they would tell Peter too. He flipped a coin. Mom. Steve bit his lip and tossed the coin again, Mom again. Dad finally came out the third time and Steve had to laugh a little at himself, he could have spared himself with the coin ...

"Dad, I need to talk to you. When's it suitable for you? “, The answer was not long in coming.

"Come to lunch at one, Mrs. Delaney's making caprese with fresh garlic bread." So his father worked from home today. Mrs. Delaney was the Starks housekeeper since Mrs. Watson had retired.

Steve was a little early. His father was still in the workshop, Jarvis informed him, and Peter had started volunteering in a public school, where he taught summer school tuition during the holidays. The 13 year old was an angel. Steve was very proud of his youngest brother. He climbed up to his old room, where much was still the same as 10 years ago when he moved out. His old pennants and certificates still hanging on the walls. His old Star Wars posters bending slightly at the corners. He tried to smooth them out - unsuccessfully. Then he let himself down on his old bed, caressing the soft blanket thinking of the first time him and Bucky were making love together...

They had much later talked about how extraordinarily smooth and comfortable their first time had been. Few couples experienced it that way. From the very first moment, their sex had been as incredibly fitting, mature and grown-up as it has always been to this day. _Had been_ ... Steve reminded himself sadly. Was Loki right? Had this fact fooled them into failing to let their relationship mature into adulthood? This couldn't be possible! He wished he could talk to Bucky about it. Asking him what he thought of it. A deep sadness came over him and the soft knock on his door startled him.

"Yes?" His father stuck his head in.

"Jarvis's informed me you are here. I've brought lunch.” Tony Stark pushed the door open further coming in with a tray, putting it on the small coffee table turning to his son. He immediately noticed he was suffering. Steve got up to hug his father.

"Hello Dad, you're looking good." That was true. His hair was very short now, but he still was sporting his iconic beard. The silver, which increasingly took possession of both, making him look distinguished. Deep laugh lines curled in the corner of his eyes telling of a life of happiness. Additionally, he had kept his good figure and his face also showed no flaccidity. He was really looking very good still. The same could be said about Pepper Stark, as Steve thought, and he was very grateful for this gene pool.

"How does Peter like his tutoring lessons?" “I've been a little afraid the rough kids from public middle school would be tearing my little nerdy spiderling in the air, but I've underestimated his charm, probably because I'm so used to it. Are you hungry?” Tony gestured to the table, but Steve shook his head. This was unusual. Even if he wasn't hungry, he would normally eat something out of courtesy. His father's eyes grew sharper. When he noticed his son was not wearing his engagement ring, he gasped furtively.

"Sit down with me anyway. I need to grab a bite,” he suggested lightly. Steve obeyed. Tony was having some of the tomatoes with mozzarella, a slice of the garlic bread, telling his son a little about the events of the past few days. Steve gave monosyllabic answers looking somehow lost. Soon his father couldn't pretend he didn't realize something was going horribly wrong in Steve's life.

"What's happened?" He asked flatly in a calm voice and with controlled features. Steve looked up hesitating, but not for long ...

"We ... Bucky and I ... we're canceling the wedding." Tony only went a little pale, otherwise he simply nodded. "You're not saying anything?" His father sighed. "What would it help, me complaining and showering you with phrases? I can see this is not mutually agreed. It's been Bucky's decision and you are unhappy with it.” The wave of relief his father had taken the step, stating this fact, was evident in Steve's striking features.

"How are things going on with the two of you?" Tony asked gently. Steve took a deep breath. "We're not breaking. But now it takes time to ... Bucky's said he wants this to work, _us_ to work, but he can't ... he doesn't want to get married anymore. He doesn't want to marry _me_ anymore.” “But it isn't working, at least not at the moment.” , his father stated. Steve let out a lot of air, nodding and admitted, “Not at all, Dad. It's ... I've hurt him a lot and I don't know if our relationship will recover from that.” Steve put a hand over his eyes and his shoulders were twitching suspiciously. His father waited patiently for Steve to look at him again, his eyes were red, his mouth pinched.

"Is there ... someone who has become important, Steve? To you? Anyone except Bucky?” Steve shook his head in horror. "No! There's no way something like that could happen! Nobody matters except Bucky. No one's ever been anywhere near as important as him. It's always only been... And this time it's been no different and I do not understand ... ", Steve stopped ashamed. Basically, he had just confessed to his father he regularly cheated on his partner. Nothing you wanted your parents to know. His father looked past him at some spot behind him, giving him time to gather himself. "You must be very disappointed in me, Dad. I am sorry."

"Disappointed?" Tony wondered looking at Steve again. "I'm far from disapproving someone's lifestyle just because it doesn't match my own." Steve stared at his father. When he imagined what his mother would have had to say about this, he was more and more amazed he had even played around with the ridiculous coin. "You and Mom. You have been loyal to each other for more than 30 years. You don't judge me?” “No. I'm not judging you. After all, it's none of my business. What makes you think your mother and me have always been loyal to each other?” “Dad!” Steve called out indignantly.

"Calm your tits, Mr. Righteous. I just mean hypothetically. I can at least assure you from my side ou are right about this.” “You always were idolized, Uncle Jim says. He's always been amazed you've stayed on the floor like this.” “Pah, me and staying on the floor and besides: well, what's that with the hurtful past tense?” Tony Stark gave his famous self-ironic smirk. Steve laughed making him feel better. That was his father's intention.

"Your uncle Jim means I've always resisted the temptations, haven't cared anymore when I fell in love with your mother. Of course I've always enjoyed the attention, it's just human. However, I could always take off with my mile-huge ego in a different way. That's kept me on the floor in my love life, yes. That's how's it been apparently.” “Bucky is also idolized a lot ...” “I can imagine, indeed.” “And he enjoys it too, he admits. But he never misses the moment when he has to start to ignore.” Steve shook his head a little in surprise:

"Two of you are so alike ..." he said thoughtfully. Tony said nothing, already preparing himself for Steve's next realization. "I fell in love with a man who's like my father!" He cried out, strangely desperately. "Because you're exactly like your mother." Tony had been very careful about what he was saying and how he did throughout the conversation. This time he had listened to his intuition, speaking freely. Steve thought for a moment: "Really?" "Well, less scary, which is only good for a teacher, but otherwise, yes."

"So it's always been difficult for Mom to be with a popular man?" "It has." "How has she managed it?" "Managed what? Trust me? To be loyal? Why are you cheating? Because you want to prove anything?” Steve blushed. "I'm sorry, boy, but maybe we have to call things by name now, otherwise we won't get closer to the goal." "Which goal?" "Finding out what's different for Bucky this time. Obviously this hasn't happened the first time, and just as obviously the other times hasn't been that bad for him. So: What do you think is really the problem with it?” “I don't know."

"Doesn't he tell you, or don't you understand him?" "I always understand Bucky!" Steve stated indignantly and the next moment he realized how ridiculous that had just sounded. "He's telling me, but it doesn't make sense, because I constantly assure him it hasn't been the way he thinks and nothing has ever changed between us. He's not believing me. And he doesn't trust me anymore, but at least that makes sense. "

"Hasn't actually anything changed between you?" "Dad, I ... no, never!" His father looked at him over the rim of his glasses. "Steve ... you've been a couple for eleven years. You were still in high school back then. You've studied together. You've bought a house together, you want to marry him.” Steve stared at him. This was so much like what Loki said about them. "Maybe it's so bad this time because...", Steve swallowed, "... this time it was a man." "The first time?" "No, but the other time was a long time ago, after which we moved to Queens starting our super savings program. "

Tony dropped against the backrest of his chair looking at Steve as penetratingly as before. "So Bucky always gets a little - let's say _dramatic -_ when you're doing something he hasn't expected." Steve frowned. "Well, listen, Dad, Bucky isn't ..." "For heaven's sake, come off it, Junior, that wasn't meant to be disreputable, you know I love the boy like my own son. But think about it.” “About what?” “What was making Bucky unique for you at high school?” Steve blinked a few times.

"He was independent. A little wild and mysterious and so free! And he was extremely proud. He was on his own so often and I admired him. At 18 he was able to cook like a star chef and he never defined himself over others. I've always put so much emphasis on what everyone else was thinking. He was never like that.” His father found that interesting. "Have you ever told him that?" “Well, he laughed at me a little in a fun way teasing me for only falling for his long legs and his pretty face.“, Steve had to laugh a bit. "He's got some quite ridiculously long legs ..." "Do you think he's serious?" "I do not hope so! He has to know it's more than that, always been so much more!” Tony nodded, smiling. _He_ was aware of this.

"What have you meant by things I'm doing he doesn't expect?" "Basically, physical infidelity doesn't seem to be a big problem for him. There are people who can naturally live in open relationships. I have to say, however, I am surprised Bucky should belong to this group of people or thinks he belongs to them.” “What do you mean?” “It's difficult to explain, but I try it like this: Bucky has been with you for so long, after longingly waiting literally years, loving you passionately all this time, being close to you without being able to hope something could change for the better for him. He is extremely attached to you and sometimes I think you are the only person in the world to whom he has a real bond, which would be sad. But what I'm getting at is that I'm a little surprised about his tolerance. Usually people like him can't... well, to find a word: _share_ that well. People like him have too much to lose. "

"Bucky has never been a jealous person," Steve tried to explain. “Fears of loss do not make everyone jealous. I don't want to get into you and find out in detail what's happened. But you have to think about why Bucky has developed this new sudden fear he might lose you. It may seem paradoxical he in conclusion doesn't want your wedding anymore, but there is a simple explanation for this: he first has to find out whether your relationship is what he's thought it was” “But ... ", it made total sense, but why didn't he tell Steve? "Do you think he knows that?"

"Without telling you? I do not believe so. He's scared, fear weakens your ability to think. He is scared the last thing making him unique for you's about to slip away.” “What? No! He can't think that! And what should this last thing be? There's so much about him for me ...” Steve stopped in the middle of his sentence, frowning. Independent, wild, free and mysterious ... Bucky _could_ think he had nothing to offer anymore...

There were so much different things about him, about them, new things, just as important and valuable... Tony watched the conflict and raging thoughts on his eldest child's face. Steve seemed to understand. "Steve ... you have to convince him there is no way he could ever be replaced for you." Steve had just realized this, too.

"I have to go, Dad!", With that he jumped up. Tony only hoped Steve would come across authentically enough if he now was storming to Bucky in his inimitable manner of a subtropical hurricane ... In the door he turned to him once again: "Dad, could you please ..." "I'm telling your mother. Maybe without the juicy details.”, He winked. Steve groaned: "Oh god, please without the juicy details!" Then he was out the door.

A few minutes later, he texted his father:

"Thanks, Dad. Thank you for everything. I love you."


	88. "Give me a Break from your mind Games!"

**"Give me a Break from your mind Games!"**

He aimed for the repair shop. Once there, he found only Ricky, Bucky's second chief mechanic, and the two students doing auxiliary jobs in the workshop during their semester break. "Oh, hello Steve! The boss is upstairs, has had to lie down briefly, headache. Maybe it’s quite good anyway, if someone's looking after him. But this,” he pointed to a heavy motorbike with a screwdriver (“screw- _wrench_ , Stevie! ”), “Has to be finished by 4pm. It's good that you're there."

How much worry and respect there was in Ricky Sherman's voice, who was a good 15 years older than Bucky, a mechanic for over twenty years and father of three! Steve went up to the small apartment that belonged to the workshop and knocked on the door. Getting no answer, he turned the knob. It wasn't locked, so he entered the larger front room finding Bucky at the table, his head on it in a deep slumber. He quietly closed the door, locked it (Bucky was so careless at times, this was New York!), tiptoeing to him, he didn't want to scare him.

Steve looked down at his half-hidden face. His hair, tied together at work, had largely come loose from the hair tie and was hanging on his face. Every breath made some strands tremble. Steve suddenly thought he couldn't breathe out of love. Bucky's features were so smooth and soft looking like an angel in his sleep. So different from the tense expression with the stress lines around his mouth and eyes, which he was sporting almost always lately. He looked like ... just like earlier in their lives...

Steve stuck his knuckles between his teeth so not to sob loudly, while his other hand gently pushed the soft hair out of the beloved face. He had to control himself not to touch his skin under his ear, to feel the wonderful delicacy again. Bucky stirred crying out in panic at the tall figure looming over him next to his chair, so close to his chair. Steve was also startled when Bucky jumped up, causing his chair to crash into the floor. "Steve!" he then called. "Are you crazy? This is New York! I've almost attacked you ...” “You haven't locked the door. "

"I've ... forgotten," Bucky said lamely. "You have to be more careful." "I haven't been going to sleep at all, I've just wanted to put my head down until the pill's gonna work." "Ricky's told me you've had a headache. Is it better now?” Steve reached out, wanted to squeeze Bucky's shoulder sympathetically. He jerked back and Steve's face darkened. Bucky rubbed his face. "Yes, it's better. Maybe it's a good thing that I've fallen asleep.” “It's not a miracle as you don't sleep at night,” Steve stated calmly, but with a slightly sharp undertone. "What are you talking about? I do sleep at night!” Steve changed the subject.

"Ricky thinks much of you. He's been concerned and happy to have someone come look after you. He always speaks very warmly and appreciatively of you when I'm showing up here.” “Because he knows his boss's shag... ... ", he stopped himsled mid-wrod, swallowing. "Ricky thinks I'm a fool, telling me a dozen times a month. 'A studied greenhorn in too tight pants' are his chosen words for this week. ", Bucky winked, "There are variations, but that's the spirit …" Now Bucky laughed. Steve laughed too.

"You _are_ wearing the tightest pants I've ever seen on a mechanic." "Have you seen the usual work clothes for mechanics? I would get a lot less tip from soccer moms in those monsters' pants.” “So you're just business-minded and not a bit vain?” Steve smirked. "Me? Vain? I don't have to. Look at me!” Bucky grinned back. Steve did so noticing they sounded like their high school selves again, or at least like the snotty, easygoing versions from their college days. In particular, Bucky's cocky crooked smile, with the corner of his mouth raised, the left, while his right eyebrow was curled, reminded of it.

"What is it, Steve? Have you seen a ghost?” The man shook his head. "I'm serious, Bucky. Ricky just acting the big shot. He does think much of you.” “Yeah, especially his paychecks every fortnight." Bucky sneered, laughing, "What's bringing you to town?" _I had to see you,_ he only thought, saying aloud: "I've gotten a few historical documents to be checked in the State Library. Though you never believe me, teachers also work during the holidays.“ , He winked. "A hard-working profession, a teacher," Bucky laughed at him. Steve almost absorbed the beautiful sight of the beautiful smile which had become so rare.

"What is it this time? You've got some manners today!” Bucky continued to laugh. "Have you eaten anything yet?" "What?" "You never eat enough when working. I think you lost a little weight!", Bucky had _definitely_ lost weight, and not just a little … "Nonsense. But well, when you're in need of some company over lunch, what do you have in mind?” “Chicken Ayam?” “Again?” Bucky groaned. "You can have something else. 'ow about ze duck?", Steve mimicked the French accent which they used when talking about food in a silly mood: French cuisine, o làlà, things like that. “That's too heavy, after that I'm going to get really sleepy all afternoon.” They were on their way out.

"Come on, treat yourself, we don't want your tight pants to get loose!" He courageously gave Bucky a pat on his butt. He turned grinning: "Hey, you know what? Get your car over to let me check the tire pressure or even better: the motor oil level. For this I have to bend deep into the engine compartment. But I'm warning you: I'm gonna expect a lot of tips, I know how rich you are!” Steve shook his head smiling. "You are impossible." "And you haven't wanted it any other way. Blame yourself. ”, Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve's waist and walking past the workshop. Steve put his arm around Bucky's shoulders almost shyly. He let him. Fortunately, Steve had caught him in this rare special mood.

"Hey, Ricky! I'm going to lunch!” “Yeah, of course, the boss is going to lunch and the foot soldiers are still toiling,” he grumbled, sounding good-natured and Bucky laughed. "I'm getting you chow mein. Peace?” “Large helping. With duck.”Larche 'elping chow mein wiz duck, of course, monsieur." Steve burst out laughing and Bucky giggled like some goblin. "Are young people like you always that silly? Get off now and let me work in peace. Be glad you've got me, Sleeping Beauty. You don't learn anything about these machines at university.” “You know I thank the Lord on my knees for you every evening, Ricky!" Bucky called back over his shoulder.

They no longer understood what the mechanic grumbled, they were still laughing. Her arms were still around each other and Steve pulled Bucky closer. "I'm so proud of you, baby. What you've built up here, it's terrific.” “Oh ...Take a look into the account books, I'm totes in the red ..." Bucky replied dismissively. "It's normal first few years, Mom says. And she understands business. Honestly, I'm proud of you.” Steve had stopped to look at Bucky. He was so close to him. He wondered if he dared to steal a kiss when Bucky closed the little distance between them pressing his lips to his mouth. Only brief, but emphatically.

"Thank you," he said simply. "Not for that," Steve replied. They stared into each other's eyes for seconds, each reading a thousand unspoken things in the other's. Then a shadow took over Bucky's eyes again making Steve to suppress a frustrated sigh. "Come on, let me stuff some duck into you as long as I have a chance." Pushing Bucky forward, he was pleased he did at least leave his arm around his waist. At lunch he noticed he hadn't fixed his hair at all before they left. This was unusual. In his admittedly actually quite tight-fitting mechanic suit and the loose hairstyle, he looked rather swashbuckling in a way, but different so than before.

More relaxed and of a calmer self-confidence than the cocky style of his earlier adult years. He was more natural and Steve found that he liked it better than the fake glamorous sensation Bucky had been in high school or at college. He had stopped eating. staring now, the moment Bucky noticed. He lowered his chopsticks looking at him regretfully: "Steve ..." he whispered. "... give me time." "All the time you need, baby." Bucky smiled a little and went on eating. Steve did the same. This was progress! He definitely had to come back to town for lunch more often, he decided.

When Bucky came home in the evening, it felt to Steve like he was giving away all his drive and will to live at their front door. He tried to grasp this thinking the key was to find in Bucky being somehow in his own territories in his workshop, in his mechanic suit. He couldn't explain why it was making such a drastic difference in his own house. However, he made no attempt to intrude any more longer in Bucky. They had salad with some turkey for dinner, after all, their lunch had been pretty rich and Steve started talking about low energy houses and that they still weren't built all over the world.

Bucky had a lot to say on the subject and quickly opened up more. Their house hadn't been one when they'd bought it, but Bucky had exchanged all the relevant equipment. Since he had both the know-how and the license to do so as a mechanical engineer, this modernization had cost a fraction of what other families had to invest. It was simply a joke what horrible fees of money engineers and mechanics asked for this work. Worldwide.

Bucky talked himself in a rage: "You've seen how easy it is to change a boiler for example!" Steve hadn't found that at all, but he said nothing, didn't interrupt him. "My esteemed colleagues are pretending to have reinvented the wheel, discovered the fountain of youth or built a time machine." He shook his head. "Engineers are quite some arrogant pack." Steve grinned: "Oh, I don't know, I know one who can be nice." "You may be right. Finally: teachers are worse!” Bucky's eyes glittered maliciously. Steve melted away but didn't show anything, throwing Bucky his napkin in the face, which means he tried.

"You're throwing like a ..." Steve interrupted him with a smile: "… like a girl?" "Don't let Sharon hear that! No, I've wanted to say, like a history professor!” Steve laughed out loud. "But seriously, Steve. If I didn't have so little time, I would install those devices pro bono. All engineers should do that. If everyone did, the work would be distributed well. It would be feasible and done in no time, worldwide.” “Do you mean something like an organization called 'Ingénieurs sans Frontières'?” “Are you showing off your French again? Ty dumayesh 'eto seksual'no. ”, Bucky grinned. "That's unfair. French is understood by anyone who speaks English and Spanish. Your Russian is a much worse showing-off. But I've understood it has something to do with sex anyway.” “You have an ear for that." They grinned at each other.

"But back to the low energy houses ..." Bucky cried out, upset again, as always on this topic. Steve was enchanted, Bucky was more alive than he had been in the past few weeks. “You could also just change the law stating you need such an idiotic license to install the stuff. It's easy! Anyone can do it!” “Um ..., anyone?” “Come on, Steve! Should I've said anyone except teachers?” “Give me my napkin, I want to try throwing it at you again.” “Emphasis on 'try'? "

"You have never been better in sports than me," Steve pouted playfully. "But I can install a boiler for that." "You're an engineer too!" Steve laughed. "Stevie ... unscrew the old device, screw on the new device. The connections are all standardized. It's like a puzzle for three-year-olds.” “But you have to pick up a screwdriver and you know what happens then” “Screw wrench, Stevie. Seriously, you're doing that on purpose.” “Maybe. I just like to hear you nagging. It's the summer holidays and I'm a teacher, I lack the nagging. ”

“Oh, I can deliver: You've forgotten to press eco switch on the boiler's thermostat after you've showered. What are you going to do? Are you practicing for a Venus expedition under your hell fire shower, or what?” “I haven't wanted to get sore muscles after working out, preventing this with an extremely hot shower.” “Oh yes, if you want to boil your boyfriend, especially then. Just switch back to eco. I've stepped in unsuspecting this morning thinking I've gotten myself in purgatory. "

"You're exaggerating. Besides, I really don't know why you always shower this cold. The Ice Bucket Challenge has been old school forever.” Bucky rolled his eyes. "Please Steve, try to think of it. It's very easy, only pushing a button, without a screw wrench at all. And if you're doing some shopping tomorrow: we need new filters for the circulation pump. The heat exchanger is condensing again.” “The ... _what -_ pardon – is doing _what_? Are you talking in Russian again?” “Stevie, you're helpless. From under which stone have you crawled out? I saved the old packaging, just go to Tesco with it. ”

Steve loved domestic moments like this. Yes, they had been living together for years, but here in their own house this was on another level. "What is it, Steve, are you making a mental note right now or what? About the eco switch, or about screwdrivers turning screws which aren't to be found in bathroom installments?” “I think it should be called screw _screwers_.” Bucky rolled his eyes. "You know: screw up sonic screws." Bucky laughed out loud: "Fancy a little Doctor Who?" He asked. "Which season?" "I don't care, the main thing it's with David Tennant." Steve called:

"What do you see in that hook-nosed broomstick?" "Watch what you say, Stark!" Bucky laughed. "Come on, he must have over a hundred years by now!" "A new broom sweeps clean, but an old broom knows every corner." "You're a jerk." "And you punk have been in front of him in person." "In fact, even longer than you, after you've stammered out some very stupid words before running away.” “Don't remind me. But I can only be surprised; you've got actually such a good taste in men.” Steve looked at him with delight. "Yeah, I do, don't I?" Bucky grinned spreading his hands briefly in a presenting gesture pointing at himself with all of his ten fingers. Suddenly the shadow in his eyes Steve hated so much crept back. He hurried to get up calling out:

"Come on, I'm gonna clean up tomorrow. A madman in a blue box is waiting for you.” Bucky followed Steve into the living room. While watching some of their favorite episodes for what felt like the hundredth time (if that was enough), Steve kept glancing sideways at him. His heart sank, Bucky's melancholy returned slowly but steadily, inevitably. Later they were lying in their obscenely large bed, some yards apart, and Steve wished their old student bed back, so Bucky couldn't keep that much distance. The day had been a good one, he thought. They had had so much worse in the past few weeks. Maybe he should just dare …

He stretched out his arm carefully. This bed was really damn spaceous! Without further ado he just rolled over feeling from the shifting of the mattress that he had startled Bucky. "Baby ..." he whispered. "What's that supposed to be, Steve?" He sounded dismissive. "Bucky ...", Steve sighed, "we've had a good time today and I've thought ..." "You think having a good time automatically's leading to sex? No wonder you're always getting at it so quickly.” Steve was briefly speechless and then very hurt. "You are not fair." “Do you think I care if I am?” Steve heard at his voice Bucky was struggling. It gave him hope.

"I ... no, and you don't have to be. I haven't even thought of sex. Well, not 'not at all', but ... I've just wanted to ...” “Is it always about what you want, Steven?” “What do _you_ want, Bucky, what? You've said you want this to work, this about us! And today I've thought, at least sometimes it's still working and I've wanted ...” “You've wanted ... you always want something ... You are so good at wanting! I've told you I need time. But if you want something, of course, and this time I need, your needs ... no matter. Do you know what i don't want? Your damn pity."

"No, certainly not, because you've had enough of your own." "You ... damn _bastard._ " "Bucky!" Steve called out angrily. He _was_ angry now. Bucky was so unfair! "I've just wanted to touch you, hold you in my arms or take your hand, maybe kiss you if you ..." "Why not just take what you want since you are into it so much." Steve saw red. Pushing away the covers he stood up. "Think about what you want. And what 'working' means, Bucky Barnes. Just think about it. Of course only if you _want_ to. I'm sleeping downstairs.” With that he rushed to the door.

"Steve ..." Bucky choked out. "No. I can't do this anymore. Seriously. I'm so sorry. Give me a break from your mind games. Maybe you'd better have left me, Bucky.” With that Steve got out the door. Bucky lay there frozen, gasping for breath, his hands clinging helplessly to the sheets under him and suddenly there was only one thought, only one feeling.

_Steve_ ... STEVE !!!

Sitting up with angular movements he did a few deep breaths, flicked back his blankets getting up so quickly that he got tangled in them hitting the floor flatly. _Ouch_ , _I'm ever the athlete..._ He got up sprinting down the stairs.

"Steve!" He called. "Stevie!" When he got to the bottom he almost ran into him, he had stopped at the landing hearing the thud from above, undecided whether to go have a look ... Steve caught his upper arms, otherwise he would probably fall again.

"Steve, I love you! I don't want to leave you, I could never leave you! ”, He urged breathlessly. Steve pushed him away from him at arm's length. "I've told you I need a break." "Stevie ..." "No, Bucky. I can't take it anymore. Go to bed, you have to get up early in the morning.” Steve's tone was final. The panic hitting Bucky made his knees weak leaving him swaying. Steve reacted at lightning speed pulling him close, he embraced him with both of his arms pressing him to his chest. "Baby ... I've got you." That sounded completely different again. "Stevie ..." Bucky breathed weakly.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" Steve whispered in his ear. Bucky sobbed. "I'm so sorry ...", His voice was choked. "Shh. No, Bucky. We're talking now, we don't apologize.” With that he took Bucky's hand leading him to the living room. He gently placed him on the couch getting down on the floor in front of him. He took both of Bucky's hands in his rubbing them. "You need a break ..." Bucky sniffed. "Doesn't matter anymore, baby." "My ..." Bucky swallowed, " _mind games?_ " He choked this out with difficulty. Steve closed his eyes.

"Bucky ... baby, I've only been so ... frustrated and ... angry. You have every right to ..” “No.” Bucky interrupted him. "No?" "I've got no right to tell you ..." Bucky struggled with himself, Steve gave him time. "... no right to tell you I still want this when ..." Steve's grip on Bucky's hands tightened painfully. "Ouch. Have you fallen into a pot of strength potion as a small boy?” Bucky tried to joke. Steve loosened his grip still looking at him wildly. "when what, Bucky, when _what_?" "When I'm not taking pains with it at all," Bucky whispered.

Steve let go of Bucky's hands in surprise.

"Bucky ..."

"Now don't say you haven't thought that too." Steve's eyebrows furrowed. _The_ line... Bucky's beloved 'Steven Stark disapproves of something' - line. "Stevie ...", With a sigh he was suddenly over him, all his fingers in Steve's hair, bending his head back pressing his mouth hotly and demanding on Steve's lips. He was completely surprised obediently opening his lips. Bucky groaned in his mouth kissing him half crazy. He gasped a breath or two: "Want you, baby ..." Another consuming kiss. "You are perfect!" An even wilder kiss.

Steve was already seeing stars when his last functioning brain cell alarmed him. That was actually not a good idea. ( _Yes,_ his cock called, _awesome idea!_ ). He was lucky Bucky detached himself briefly to take off his shirt. Steve bit his tongue hard, was able to think more clearly after the sharp pain catching Bucky right before he continued his heavenly devilish work. He pressed against Bucky's chest, swallowing he called out weakly, in a high voice:

"Stop!" He had some struggle with keeping Bucky at a distance. His hurt expression tormenting his soul, but this was too important now. "I'm a long way from being perfect, my dear, but more on that later." "What the hell, Steve ... Let me already, you've wanted it all evening. I know that." “I've wanted it all the time for half my life, there's no news there." Bucky frowned, crouching a little uncomfortably over Steve's legs, still half an arm's length away. He pouted:

"Do I get some of your famous speeches now? Then I want to sit down more comfortably.” “You jerk.” Steve let go of him. Bucky sat back on the couch. Steve handed him his shirt getting down next to him. "You're gonna regret that later," Bucky grumbled, but there was enough humor to be heard so Steve wasn't grieving about.

"Bucky. I've hurt you a lot. It honors you if you to forgive me on the spur of the moment.” “Oh-oh. Bucky smiled seductively. Steve sighed. "But for how long? You don't have so and you won't do that soon either.” Bucky's smile faded. "I'm right, aren't I?" Steve asked quietly. Bucky looked in his lap, gritting his teeth and pressed out "You're right."

"And I don't want it at all! Of course I want you to forgive me, but only if ... Only if you truly do so. You can't say you've forgiven me and we can work on ourselves, fix this, then run away from me the next moment, hang me out to dry, keeping me on alert because I never know what I'm at.” “I see…” Bucky gave in. "I've been full of shit and you can say so." "You've been full of shit," Bucky obeyed. "And?" "And I want ... I want this to never happen again ... So, just talk to me next time if you ... um, when ..." "I'm sorry, Bucky. I've made a huge mistake by not telling you about my insecurities. But I can learn from my mistakes. "

"We've really had a good time today ..." Steve said nothing, wanted to know what Bucky had to say. "How has your family reacted?", He suddenly changed the subject. "How do you know I ..." Steve paused, suddenly afraid Bucky might think he was submitting him to spy. "Stevie ... I always notice when you have completed a difficult task. You’re even taller after. Or it's more likely you are smaller before, because the load's keeping you down. Yes, that's probably the way it is. You've also told me about Thor and Jane Foster, so simple math. ”

"It was ... okay. They were all very understanding and compassionate without putting me down.” “Putting you down? But why should they've done that?” “Everyone loves you very much, baby. And I've screwed it up. That's reason enough. How about you?” “I've only spoke to Dad. And to Shuri. By the way, I've saved your life: I've told her not to come here. You know what she's like when it comes to me. She's getting all lion mommy on me and you are always to blame when I'm upset."

Steve shrugged, glad Bucky had someone on his side. "And as we're talking about lion mommy: Winifred is - heaven knows where she is ..." "What has your father said?" Steve was initially hurt about Major and Mrs. Barnes being so cold fish on him. He had consoled himself with the fact that many people mistrusted rich people on principle. Bucky looked down. "Tell me. I'm aware he's not a fan of mine. "

"He's thought we've broken up when I told him the wedding is canceled. Some misunderstanding. And he's said he and mom ... _Winifred_ have always thought we're no match.” “Oh …" Steve looked a little puzzled at the blunt honesty. "Well, maybe he's wanted to emphasize he's on your side." “By telling me I've been stupid enough to waste years on someone who's no match to me?” “When you state it like this, it's not anymore so comforting. But he's thought, we ... and maybe he intended to console you.” “Just stop it. Don't bother. You can't understand that with your Stark Squad Supreme."

"I can understand it very well. I know how often you've suffered from the fact you were so estranged to your family ...” “Or burdened..." "How someone like you could rise out of that is a constant mystery to me.” “Someone like me ... Mr Mind Games?” “I'm gonna hear that a lot, huh?” Steve snorted, "Come on, you've been unpredictable. Sometimes laughing at my lame jokes as if I've personally invented humor, the next moment you're looking at me as if I'm some serial killer. Sometimes you give me this incomparable smile, which you're only giving to me, and only some mere moment later you flinch away from me as if I was a monster locking you in the basement. And suddenly you're kissing me out of the blue as if it was the last time before your execution."

Steve looked at him sternly: "Stop laughing!" "Been _that_ good?" "Why do you always ask such stupid questions, you vain ninny. You know exactly how good a kisser you are.” Bucky smirked with satisfaction. "Thanks, by the way, I've been tasting blood all the time because I've bit on my tongue." “Want me to give a kiss on your ouchie?” “Then you can just kiss yourself. You cause me a stomachache." Bucky smiled: "Your jokes _are_ lame.” “Well, seems to be enough for you."

"Don't be offended, you can't do without me, otherwise nobody would laugh at your jokes." “I'm the center at each party!” “That's 'cause you're so massive. In space too, the largest objects always pull at everything.” “Incidentally, I actually can't.” “Say what? Where's the thread I've lost there?” “I can't do without you.” “Oh, you can find an old mechanic in too tight pants just around the corner.” Though Steve was sure that was meant to come out easy-going, he frowned at Bucky: "You don't actually believe this." Bucky raised his shoulder with a wry smile. "I can only hope you're never gonna find out."


	89. Three things you're better at than me ...

**Three things you're better at than me ...**

"Tell me about your problem with our relationship dynamics." Steve sighed. "Aach ... everything is going so well for you. Everything you tackle just runs like clockwork! You are ... better than me at everything!” And there it was again; the urge to laugh that Bucky kept hitting at the most inopportune moments. He bit his lip, the inside of his cheeks, and his tongue. Steve still noticed something, of course. "You're not going to laugh now, are you?" Bucky shook his making his hair fly. "No." "Bucky Barnes, I'm literally seeing your mouth's twitching on you! I'm gonna give you a reason to laugh.” “Is that so?" The all-over glance he gave him made Steve's stomach do a somersault, but it wasn't the right time for this. "Maybe later. What's so funny? "

"Have you ever read one of my essays? I mean, I know you have more than one and each time you have corrected them significantly. You probably forgot, that's why I've asked.” Steve stared at him for a moment. "But ... yeah, yes! Do you really want to compare ten-year-old homework with how you've modernized an entire house?" "Well, as you put it, it may seem strange to you, but yes! Why not? I'm doing something you can't do and you're outstanding in something I can't. Where's the difference?” “You not seeing a difference needs some explanation.” Bucky took a deep breath. "I've always hated history." "Wow, thanks." “I've always preferred to live in the here and now, dreaming of the future. Nevertheless, I've read your books.” “Because I've asked you for it.” “I like them.", The simplicity of this statement underlined its truthfulness.

"Oh. Uh, nice of you to say so, I ..." Bucky interrupted him: " It's not _nice_ , it's _true_! I would've never in life thought of reading a book about the Indian Wars. But I've devoured yours! And only thinking of _Gold rush - Promise or Ruin?_ The title alone was ... I mean, this is a book about history and the title alone sounds like a dark, adventurous roller coaster ride into the unknown. And that's it, I've devoured it, too! I'm looking forward to your next one. I am so excited! Put some sex in for me. When I'm getting to the part, I know it's dedicated to me. And then, for the first time in my life, I'm gonna be jerking off to a history book.” Steve blinked a few times, a gentle blush spreading across his cheeks. "Um, I'm thinking about it..."

“Last Christmas party at Sanctuary, I had the pleasure of chatting with Dr Strange for a few minutes. Hach, I felt like a school boy again ...” “Spare me that, I know what you want to say.” Steve grumbled good-naturedly. Bucky's crush on the headmaster during their past two years at Sanctuary High had become mostly a joke, but Steve still couldn't handle it easily. "No you do not. I'm keeping that part to myself, telling you something else; Maybe I used to be the most popular boy in the whole school for a few weeks, but you will be the most popular teacher at Sanctuary High for years to come. According to Dr Strange, this is clearly evident.” Steve dropped his jaw.

(Christmas party 2030)

"James! How nice of you to find your way back to our old halls!” Bucky whirled around to the deep, melodious voice and forgot to breathe. Dr Strange, in his 50s, as he figured out in his head, had barely changed. A little more gray in his pitch black hair and the accurate beard, his trademark. The other one, the proud dignified demeanor, was just as it had used to be. And just like in his school days, Bucky's heart was pounding a little faster. Now he finally found his language again. ”Dr Strange! Well, this school's always been a palladium of fond memories for me and, due to your excellent personnel policy, will be an everlasting magnet for me.” The headmaster let the little laugh typical of him be heard shaking his hand. "Yes, I can imagine, James. The student body departments in English and Social Sciences are particularly well staffed at the moment.” Bucky giggled a little.

"I've heard the two of you are getting married? A nice story you can tell your guests." Bucky laughed: "Oh yes! High School Sweethearts ... that makes for the cheesiest speeches and most embarrassing games, but what can I say? I like it!” “You've gone your way finding your true happiness. I'm proud of you, James. And the fact Steven returned to our school was such a win. I am counting on getting the science award in Social Sciences in Senior High classes this year, of course I don't mean me, but this school. And that is thanks to Professor Stark. You should also check out the Rate Your Teacher blog if you have some time on hand. Nobody's getting such excellent, enthusiastic student reviews as your future husband.” Bucky beamed with joy at the praise for himself and much more about that for Steve.

"Are you going to hang him up in the Hall of Fame then?" "I intend to, right next to you." "If there is no space left, you can also put me down," Bucky laughed. Bucky owed the honor of landing in the Hall of Fame to his Summa Cum Laude Master in Engineering. "I don't even think about it. It is one of the prettiest photos on this wall. It's a shame you were against using the picture of you from the enjoyable evening you became ball king.” Bucky giggled again blushing a little. "Oh yes, Summa Cum plush tail ...", he froze ... what had he just said? Dr Strange's thin smile revealed nothing. Bucky cleared his throat. "Better be careful not to lose the picture of Jane Foster. I've received a message from Thor Stark earlier. He's sent me a picture of the wall. The picture detail was so large so Jane's photo was on it, too, although it is estimated to be ten yards away from mine.”

"Thor Stark? Stealing Jane Foster's photo?” “He's been in love with her since Sophomore and never forgotten her.” “How unusual. Nice, Thor is here, too.” “Oh, they're all here! I've been just about to find them, I've just gotten here.” “Then don't let me keep you, James. All the best for your future life." That was a bit abrupt, Bucky regretted. "But you _can_ keep me, Doctor!" The Headmaster raised an eyebrow, not at all surprised at the fact that those batting eyes together with that striking smile had Steven Stark's heart still singing after all these years . "I still have duties myself, but it's been very nice to have some chat with you." “Good luck to you too.” Bucky watched the tall, elegant figure vanishing in the crowd, sighed again and set off to find his future family ...

They were all there. Peter had turned some of the auditorium into a snow-covered village by BARF projectors. The bazaar was set up there. Everyone had wanted to see it. His father had since further developed 4D technology and a few harmless but effective chemicals ensured cold, snow-smelling air escap from nozzles of the projectors. The chemical mixtures for different effects were Peter's specialty! The winter village was a dream. Tony Stark was in the middle of the splendor, almost bursting with pride of his youngest, when a well-known voice, not heard for a long time, behind him called out: "Stark!" The nostalgia in this event elicited a broad smile and he turned around.

"Mr. Titan! What a surprise!” The two men shook hands. "Amazing what your junior has created here! I've done a little research. Exemplary how Stark Industries has been developing amazing technology for many years, always using only clean energy and operating a resource-conserving company policy.” “Thank you for the praise, Mr Titan. Preserving our home on this planet is of course particularly important to me as the father of four children. How are your daughters doing? Loki and Nebula keep in touch, I know, but he doesn't tell much.” “He hasn't mentioned Nebula has a chance to graduate with Summa Cum Laude at MIT?" Tony was genuinely happy for the girl he had learned to know and like when she was a teenager. "This is fantastic, Mr. Titan! But don't blame Loki. A theater-loving business partner told me about his last theater award for a stage design system he developed working with mirror surfaces and light reflection. Loki surely hasn't meant disrespectfully to tell nothing about how successful his old school friend is.” Titan seemed to be appeased.

"What is Gamora doing? We all lost touch a bit when she and her husband went to Asia so Gamora could study different martial arts.” Titan's eyes darkened a little. "It's just the same with me. I was against her plans. My Gamora could have achieved so much here. If only she had stuck to her original plan graduating in politics! She had to give up her studies because of motherhood and is now running this security service. In addition: in Jersey from all places..” (Mr Titan hated New Jersey like almost every New Yorker). “...she's been deeply enraged by my attitude towards her life decisions and she largely avoids my contact.” Tony felt sorry for Titan. He could not imagine to fall out this way with one of his sons. "You've got no contact, not even to your grandchildren?" Mr Titan looked at him unmoved for a few moments.

“I've said things in the past I deeply regret. About how irresponsible it is to put children in an uncertain future regarding the scarcity of global resources.” “Oh yes, I remember, Mr. Titan, you have given me this speech in the past." Tony smiled at the embarrassment and the deep flush on Titan's face caused by his remark. "Mr Stark, I ..." "Tony," he said spontaneously. Titan looked stunned. "Call me 'Tony', everyone does. We've known each other for so many years now." "Well, I ... my given name is ... it's a bit unusual." “You're actually telling that a man with sons named Thor an Loki?” He laughed cheerfully at the beefy man. Thanos Titan returned the smile a little stilted. You rarely saw him laugh. "Well then, Tony. Call me Thanos.” “With pleasure."

"Listen, Tony. I think I have to apologize for many of my disrespectful comments from the past. I now understand very well you can put children into this world when you're raising them to be responsible people, able to make the world a better place. If those caring about don't make sure future generations will follow, who would in the end? And you, Sta ... _Tony_ , you've done that in a great way. You deserve my respect.” Tony was briefly speechless, which didn't happen often. He caught himself again thanking him a little solemnly for the appreciation, he knew the man was into formalities. "Have you told this Gamora too? That it's a good thing when there are still people having children and raise them properly to continue protecting the world?” “That ... No, I've never found the right moment. And besides, her heart is a little hardened, I don't know if she would listen to me. "

"I have advice for you, Thanos. Contact Peter Quill. The boy has a heart of gold and a sentimental streak behind his cocky manners. I am convinced he will help you reunite the family. He is an orphan and lost his last biological relative at the age of 20. He'll understand how important family is in the end.” “Do you think my vigorous daughter's listening to her husband?” “Thanos ... ", Tony grinned at him: "Peter Quill has conquered your daughter's heart and how I am disinclined , Gamora was a tough nut to crack. Peter Quill is surely the only one she's listening to, trust me.” These words went through Titan’s head a little and then a real smile lit up his stern features. "I think you're right, Tony!" He bowed his head. “They say I am quite good at solving stuff. Good luck, Thanos, it was nice to chat with you again after all these years. My wife is waiting for me in the waffle bakery in...”, he checked his watch, "Oh! Three minutes ago, I have to hurry up!” “ Give my respects to Mrs. Stark.” “Very well, thank you.”

Loki found his brother in the Hall of Fame, from which Thor had been unable to tear himself away. "One day Peters curly head will make us proud up there." Thor was startled, the habit of appearing silently next to one Loki had kept in adulthood. "Loki! Because of you I'm getting premature gray hair! ” the giant laughed, patting the only slightly shorter, but much more narrow brother on his shoulder. "Won't detract from your glory. Too bad you are such a bad actor. With gray hair I could cast a few roles in my plays with you perfectly.” “With my hair like it is now you could also give me some role.", Thor sighed heavily, "the sad lover for example." His look went back to Jane Foster's photo, "I wouldn't need any acting talent for that." Loki said nothing. What would he have said?

Thor wrinkled his nose: "Why have you actually refused to be put on when you've received the Youth Talent Award from the State Association for Theater Studies for your first Broadway play ?" Loki looked at his brother thoughtfully. When a crowd of teenage girls was passing by, all of whom looking at his handsome brother with cow eyes, he waited to answer. The question also embarrassed him. When they were alone again, Loki looked ahead into space. “It was in the summer of 2023 when Bucky was in Germany and you struggled with your summer classes. Steve was earning outstanding grades, honorable mentions, and an award for a letter to the New York Times at the time. Do you remember how we've all thought he might not be a teacher, but a journalist or correspondent at CNN getting the Pullitzer one day? Or he'll finally become President of the United States.” Thor laughed. "Of course! We teased him terribly because of it, but he was also very proud of his accomplishments, just like mom and dad. ”

"Yes! And Peter was six at the time, about to enter the second class doing exercise sheets from our old freshmen textbooks in his free time. It was likely to believe a few more Starks could make it to the walls in this hall, and how it looks now Steve will soon be up there next to Bucky - where he belongs - and Peter will surely get there when the time's coming." For us Starks you have to expand the hall soon!" Thor laughed, then his smooth features collapsed a little. "Well, not for all of us." The unfamiliar, a little bit moody tone which had crept into his deep baritone ached Loki. Thor has always been closest to his heart out of his brothers. "It's just pictures on a wall, Thor. There are other things counting which are much more important. My successes and awards don't match your skills to always see the positive and to win people for you in a wink.” Thor looked over at him, genuinely pleased with the compliment. Then he looked back at the wall, at Jane Foster.

"But if I were to hang out there and she would come back to this school for a visit, or for whatever reason. She would see me there, maybe once in her lifetime she would know who I am." Loki had no reply to that either. He was not someone who gave empty consolation. But of course he still knew something to say: “And that after I've praised you for your optimism less than two minutes ago! It is not all over yet and it's a small world. Who says you're never meeting her again? And then your second major strength comes into play: winning people over for you effortlessly.” He smiled encouragingly at his older brother. Thor smiled back timidly. Then, with a much happier tone, he suggested to look for the family having waffles with everyone. It wasn't until much later in the evening he realized what Loki had actually wanted to tell him: that he had given up his place in the Hall so Thor didn't feel alone in a family of (pictures on a wall) successful people. He immediately texted him. “I know what you've done and I love you for it, brother!” “You have always been a quick one. I love you too."

Peter spotted Steve at the counter where he sold tombola tickets. Two giggling mothers with heavy make-up wrapped in expensive designer fashion had just said goodbye to him, the one with the words: "... can't thank you enough. We've always thought our boy would never be interested in politics, and that with so many important politicians in our family!” “Oh," his eldest brother replied modestly, "I'm just doing my job, Mrs. Kennedy." Oh, a Kennedy, mother of Owen Patrick Kennedy, four years older than Peter but only two classes above him. The school rule to only be allowed to repeat once per school career was obviously broken for a Kennedy. Peter knew Owen a bit from the gymnasts team. He thought he was very nice but seemingly rather unhappy. The pressure of his famous family probably weighed heavily on him, as his mother's words had just shown. Steve was just being replaced by a colleague, standing up relieved. His eyes fell on his brother. "Pete!", He smiled and just kept from pulling the younger boy into a hug.

"Mom's sending me to look for you. Since you're a role model here, you've probably turned off your phone, everyone else she's reached. We're all having waffles together now.” Steve mumbled a thank you in his direction, his eyes searching the crowd. Peter smiled: "Bucky is already there, he is waiting with mom." “Are you enjoying yourself, Pete?” “Yes and no. Sometimes it annoys me to hear nothing but praises for my big brother, the best teacher in the world. More and more students I don't know at all talk to me about you. You are the new superstar here in the teacher's heaven” “This bad?” “Not as bad as all the girls who try to question me about your love life.” That sounded half joking and half true. "Oh, kid, I'm sorry. You must be embarrassed.” “Yes. I haven't known there was so much to talk about your butt.” Steve laughed, half amused and half embarrassed. Well, it was to be expected that a teacher his age would be a little idolized, but very few colleagues had a little brother at school who could be annoyed with this topic.

"Again: I'm sorry." "Oh, all right, not too bad. Incidentally, I always tell everyone who doesn't stop interrogating that you're gay. I think that's advisable. There are a lot of girls at this school who want to know everything about you! “ That explained to Steve those recently somewhat irritating glances from Mike Parks. But it was still better than dozens of girls hoping to have a steep career as a high school teacher's wife after graduating. He laughed: "You're a clever guy." Peter shrugged. Steve continued: “Your winter village is a dream! Reminds me of my first romantic getaway with Bucky.” “Doesn't everything remind you of Bucky?” Peter grinned at him. "Cheeky boy. Be glad I have nothing to do with your grades.” Of course, Peter was not in any of Steve's classes. They arrived at the waffle bakery. The look his fiancé gave him made him weak in the knees but dutifully he kissed his mother on the cheek and patted Thor and Loki on the shoulders.

Bucky cocked his head to one side: "Wow, as soon as he has put a ring on me, he doesn't bother anymore. Now I know what my mother's meant when she's always warned me about guys like him. Can't I get a kiss?" Steve rolled his eyes: "We're at school, Bucky.” “Hasn't bothered you before. Have you been under the stands again? For the sake of good old days?”, he grinned broadly now. The curious looks the whole family gave Steve made his cheeks bloom pink, but he grinned back bravely. “In fact, when I was supervising the homecoming ball, I've wanted to see if the emergency lighting in there worked. You know, the one Heimdall had installed after ... you know. The maintenance door is now always locked with a padlock.” Bucky laughed, especially because Steve's secretive words only increased the family's curiosity.

"Peter!" He turned to the youngest in their circle. "When you're a little older, remind me I'm going to show you how to crack simple padlocks. In case you need a quiet place at school.” Pepper and Steve shouted out: “Bucky!” At the same time Loki rolled his eyes a little and it would take Thor a bit longer to understand. "What?" Bucky asked, completely innocent. "In this school it's always too loud and everywhere too crowded to ... study a bit in peace."

Tony had finally found his way into the waffle bakery, said hello to everyone, ruffled the curls of his youngest and kissed his wife ("Oh, _they_ can do it?" - "I'm a teacher here, Buck!") Tony sat down in the last free chair. "Sunny, have you known Peter Quill and Gamora are in no contact at all with Thanos Titan?" (…)

(today)

"You haven't told me at all. I mean that you've spoken to Dr Strange.” “And about having spent hours reading the reviews of your students, neither I have. Just turns out to be a big mistake. I'm so sorry. I should have told you how proud of you I am. I've felt a bit stupid to tell you that I'm reading your teacher ratings. Haven't wanted it to look like I'm checking to see if you're doing a good job.” “I'm reading the customer reviews on your shop side too!” Steve stated. "Oh? You see, and you haven't told me either.” “That's been stupid.” “Both of us have been.” “Well, you think I'm a good teacher and writer. We agree you are a good mechanic able to repair everything in and out the house and I admire this. But you're so much better than me in numerous other things."

"Cooking? Separating laundry? Loading the dishwasher? Are those the things about me threatening your manhood?” Steve blushed all over. With that Bucky had gotten to the point of making his thoughts and feelings quite absurd that night so he felt like huge moron. He lowered his eyes in shame. "Well, Stevie, that's three things. I'm easily putting three things together you're better at than me.” Steve looked up shyly. He was devoted to Bucky and thankful he didn't nudge him for his stupidity. He looked briefly at the ceiling saying quick as a shot:

"You are not in the least resentful. You are always fair. You are not beating about the bush. The latter is debatable according to the latest events. If you do not accept it as an argument, I'm giving you something else: you are spontaneous and you're giving fantastic gifts. That's more than three things, I know, but I've had to play really tough to withstand cooking and household.“, The smug smile after this last sentence was so much his Bucky Steve felt warm. "You're a jerk ..." he breathed. "Yes, I know. I love you too. Now tell me at which of the things I've mentioned am I better than you?” Bucky was right. There was one more thing.

"All right. I have a better argument than cooking: you are a way better lover.” If Steve thought he was going to win a battle, if not yet a war, he was wrong. Bucky gave a dry laugh. "No, I'm not." "But ..." Bucky held up his hand. "Steve this is going to be a longer conversation and it's already one in the morning. You might think I want to avoid this or would like to have more time to work on my reasoning, but as we have unanimously agreed: I am not very fair. “, He winked. Steve had to laugh. It wasn't a cheerful laugh, not one full of joy and light-heartedness, but a laugh. Bucky got up, kissed Steve on his forehead wishing a good night.

"Bucky! Tell me one more thing, will you trust me again ... will you once be able to trust me again?” His sky-blue eyes looked up at him as if Steve's life depended on him. A merciful lie? No, he wasn't _that_ unfair. "I ... don't know, I don't want to lie to you. I love you, I have definitely made mistakes, but …" Noticing Steve's tears running down his face didn't make this easier, but love _wasn't_ easy after all. Not at all easy...

"But nevertheless, Steve, this uncertainty, your doubts about my appreciation and your desire for more recognition, you shouldn't have kept all of this from me." Steve hung his head. "Oh, Bucky, I know ... can I do anything?" Bucky was silent for a long time, looking at him with a fixed expression. He swallowed hard. "No matter how hard I consider, I can think of only one thing: give me time. And please forgive me.” “Oh Bucky, of course, all the time you need, I'm never gonna give up! And I have nothing to forgive you for!” It pulled and tugged at Bucky, but giving in now wouldn't be ... _fair_ and he too could work on himself a bit, right? "Good night Stevie."


	90. "Just a little conversation about 'occupational safety'"

**"Just a little conversation about 'occupational safety'"**

The next morning Steve waited patiently for Bucky to wake up from his typical early morning monosyllabic. Well, but what was patient? He was eager to continue their conversation. Bucky had a lot to explain to him about what he thought. But he held back until his (ex -?) fiance put their breakfast dishes in the dishwasher giving him such a smug and mocking glance making Steve roll his eyes. "Oh Buck, I've got it. It's stupid to accuse you of seeing your little mistress in me” “There is progress,” he replied dryly. "Are you going to tell me how you've gotten the idea you're not a better lover than me?" Bucky looked at him briefly, not exactly enthusiastically, but then sighed: "Well, I'm having me another cup of coffee, then I'm gonna enlighten you."

They sat down in the morning sun on the lawn behind their house, facing each other, Bucky cross-legged, a cup in hand while Steve embraced his legs with his arms, sporting an open and expectant expression. "Steve ...", Bucky's features softened. "How am I supposed to make you understand that the easiest thing in the world is to be your lover?" Steve stopped, raising his eyebrows a little and Bucky laughed, put his cup next to him on the grass holding up his palms. "Spare me the Steven Stark's disapproval line! You're my early death again.” Steve's jaw dropped. "What the _fuck_?" He blurted out, not without getting pretty red immediately after. Bucky looked at him in a mixture of unbelief, amazement, a bit of desire, something like ... worship (?) and a lot of love. Steve closed his mouth with an audible pop. "Bucky ..." he whispered ....

"Not now, Steve, you're getting this explanation, even if I'm about to dig my own grave with it. After all, I can't blame you for not being honest while myself's not doing any better.” “Digging your own grave?” “If my glory is reduced to cooking and washing in your eyes, it's not looking good for me, is it?" "But Bucky, that's …" Bucky waved him off,

"You've wanted to know and probably you also _ought_ to know. Perhaps none of this would have happened if I've told you earlier: you are an extraordinarily good lover and who's with you, being not able to please you, make you forget yourself and everything around you except the person who's doing this to you, is either a giant moron or is not listening or would not even be able to interpret a signal if it was knocked around his head with a piano. Because you're doing that with your signals, knocking a damn concert grand piano around my head. "

Steve blinked a few times, unable to correctly interpret what he'd heard. Bucky continued: "In other words - with the proverbial concert grand piano, so to speak: How should I not know exactly what I have to do and how I have to do it, when you're constantly showing me and often even telling?" Steve stared. "You don't actually want to say what we're doing doesn't come from you? As if you only knew what to do because I'm telling you?” “Well, not solely, but ... "

"Why are we having this conversation?" Now Bucky was startled. "Uh, correct me, but I think I remember ..." "I remember myself: You've obviously gotten in your head to sit down and make me some kind of superman. And now I'm asking again: Why are we having this conversation?” Bucky was speechless. "Bucky Barnes, you can't go on like this. You cannot go on to consider yourself less valuable than anyone else and you have to stop glorifying me in such a deluded way. I am only now realizing and it is far too late, but this has to stop. _You_ have to stop. ”

Bucky licked his lips nervously. Steve was not yet finished: “This is running like some leitmotif throughout our whole shared history. You, who thinks you deserve to be rejected, deserve people to be cold and heartless to you, deserve to be insulted and pushed around. When Pauline put you on that ugly thing and you didn't want to tell me about it, what was the true reason behind? Do you think you don't deserve to be happy, don't deserve to defend yourself and stand your ground only because you are in someone's way?”

Bucky became more and more uncomfortable with his speech. "When you were in Germany and I hooked up with someone in some childish mood to show the ropes to your ubiquitous admirers when I was so stupid and you've found out about it, you made it to be your fault because you - your own words - are not 'strong enough for that'. Strong enough for what? Letting me treat you as a doormat? Me of all people: The man who claims to love you more than his own life? "

" _Steve!_ " It was a broken outcry making Steve's blood freeze in his veins, had he gone too far? Bucky's chalk-white face and huge eyes, trembling lower lip and hands clenched into tight fists, one lying on his nervously twitching thigh, Bucky's 'I've-got-a-panic-attack' tick, all spoke a clear language. _Shit_ , he didn't want that. _His damn mouth_... "Bucky ...", he said very calmly, carefully holding out a hand to him. "Come on, I'm taking you in, you need a glass of water." Bucky didn't move, only raised his look that had been pinned to the ground in front of him.

"Why are you telling me all those awful things, Stevie, _why_?", he had found his language again, his trembling voice was high-pitched. Steve had never hated himself as much as at this moment. "Let's go in, please, I ... There is no excuse for it, please let's go in, I want to take care of you." "Ha!" Bucky let out tonelessly, "something else you're better at than me, taking care.” Steve ran the back of his hand over both eyes shaking his head. "Please come in with me..."

Bucky obediently let himself be led into the house, being instilled a glass of water, before sitting down, wrapped in a blanket, on the couch. It was summer, it was warm, but Bucky was always shivering with cold from panic attacks ... Steve was on the floor in front of him, cross-legged, taking a deep breath: "I hope you believe me I haven't wanted this when I've told you you're better at everything, so much better than me. I've never thought you'd take this as an opportunity to take apart our entire life together with putting you in a bad light in every single aspect of it. ”

"I haven't said you're a better cook than me." Steve breathed a sigh of relief, Bucky was back, not yet whole, but back. "In addition, I hope you realize that I've never doubted for a second that I'm dressing better than you." Now there was even a little bit of Bucky's humor and wit and Steve dared to push forward, he had to bring normality back in here, at all costs! "You little goofball," he said, smiling tenderly. "You _big_ goofball," Bucky replied, grinning. _Well, this is better, not yet perfect, but better_ , Steve thought.

But he also knew the 'conversation' was over, Bucky returned to himself, but not without withdrawing again. He sighed inwardly, making a few suggestions how they could spend the day, finding himself following a cheerful, jolly babbling Bucky through the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space _Museum._ In the evening, they had their beloved paella in Pio Pio 8 before watching a four-hour documentary about the unsuccessful but in the end successful Apollo 13 mission.

An uneventful - apart from the 'storm' in the morning - day was followed by a restless night, when they were woken up by a violent thunderstorm around two in the morning. Steve, who hadn't been a fan of thunderstorms since he was a child, felt for Bucky's hand and he pulled him into his arms, comforted him, kissing the top of his head affectionately. "Stevie, baby, I _have_ stopped you letting me treat as a doormat, especially you. What is more obvious in your eyes than breaking an engagement?”

Steve, thankful for the distraction, pushed up on one elbow leaning over Bucky, the street lights were giving a weak light to the room, they both could see the other's eyes glistening. An occasional flash of light lit up the room enough every other minute so they could see the other one's face. Bucky looked sad but calm and Steve worried, of course partly because of the thunderstorm but also determined to listen to him now. Bucky having a speech on his mind in which he would not get away well, was clearly written on his face. "I hate what you've done, Steven."

_Fair._ "You haven't trusted my judgment. You've dismissed my concerns and uneasy feelings ignoring my request to think about it. Zemo's scared me, I've told you! He's demeaned me with his cheap trick and his showy patron trip. The insolent question of what you're calling me in bed, none of this has bothered you, even though I've made it very clear to you that it's bothering me, more than that, even worrying.” Bucky was breathing harder now, he was mad with the memory and a little ... humiliated. "Bucky ... you're right, that was insensitive of me and if only I could make it undone ..."

"You're thinking early of this! We're just hiding you've met the guy for some fucking between then and now, aren't we?” “Alright, that's fair. I get it now ... “ “You don't understand anything! Having an affair? With a colleague? Steve! It's a crappy idea, outright batshit crappy. Side dicks fall in love or they're about to destroy you. You've risked giving power to someone knowing who you are, what you do, where you live, and who's important to you. You have risked all of this, solely for your enjoyment and to spruce up your offended pride. I can't marry you because I'm not making you a better person. That's my problem with it. "

Steve was frozen. "You think I'm a bad person?" He asked quietly, shaking.

"No, of course not, don't be stupid. But you are not the best version of you. That's why I can't marry you. Maybe I'm not the right one. "

"Bucky!" Steve called desperately. "Why are you blaming yourself for what I've done...for the way I am?"

"I'm not doing that at all. It's simple as that: If you would love me enough you'd want to be the best version of yourself and I would know it's the right thing to get married to you."

"But you _have_ wanted to marry me and you've said you were sure ..." Steve was sounding kind of _sore_ in his soul.

"Then this all's happened."

Steve swallowed hard, his eyes swimming in tears. "I want to be the person you want and can get married to, I really want to, Bucky. I love you and the thought you thinking it's not enough's killing me. I love you!”, He called out with great emphasis. "I love you too, Stevie ...have always done and will forever. But I can't marry you until I know for sure I'm the best thing that can happen to you. The one making you the one who's in you."

Bucky took Steve's hand, kissed the tips of his fingers, dropping it weakly, a small sob bubbling out of his throat. Steve lies back on his back tugging at Bucky half-heartedly. He gave in, let himself be pulled to Steve's chest resting his head on his shoulder. Bucky went on quietly: “The affairs I've had, when I have been giving too much of myself, the ones which were personal... All of them were to end quite badly. The veterinarian Aaron - you've met him once – was knowing nothing about me and vice versa. The only affair I've had - two weekends, with a long break in between - without drama and pain and trouble. But all the others ... Jay, Sung Yin and ... ", Bucky paused. Steve pricked up his ears: the mysterious fourth man in Bucky's life he had never heard of!

"I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone before." And then Steve heard about Sverre Johanson and the sad love story in the eternal ice for the first time in his life... Steve was fascinated. "Do you have a picture? I'm curious.” “He wasn't an eye-catcher. But he ... He wooed me, yes, as everyone always does, but he also listened to me, was interested in more than my pretty face. I asked him to come to New York with me.” “What? _Did_ you love him actually a bit in the end?” “No, but I thought I could."

"How did it end?" "He turned me down. He was very smart. He must have felt I was desperately longing for a little love because I thought ... I told him I was sure I could never have you.” “Oh, Bucky. What a story!” “I was solemnly sad and so hurt he didn't want to come with me. Only later did I realize what a shit move it was to begin with ... after all, I loved _you_ with only using _him_.” “Do you know what's happened to him?” Bucky sighed.

"He gave me wrong contact information. But I knew he was a travel guide author and of course I tracked him down. At first I only watched what he was doing on the author information site of his publisher.” Steve listened to him spellbound. “Then he published a book about Greenland about a quarter of a year after the trip. I bought the e-book in an instant. Nothing. Not a tiny hint something meaningful happened to the author. I've read it over and over again, looking between the lines ... Nothing. I downloaded the pictures going with the book. "

"Do you still have them?" "Of course." "You show me after you've told everything?" "If you want to." "Of course I want to!" "Wait, I'm not done yet: I was in one picture . I had just took off my thick woolen hat because something was stinging in it. It was windy and my hair flew around my head along with powdery snowflakes. I was on a small hill spreading my arms because I suddenly experienced the wind, the snow, the freezing cold, the bizarre icy world around me so intensely ... I've remembered so intensely again seeing the picture. “, he fell silent.

"I've been wrestling myself for quite a while, ultimately I couldn't stand it being all that. I wrote a review to the book, thought he would read it.” “What did you write?” “Give me the StarkPad.” Steve reached over getting it. Bucky tapped on it for a few seconds.

User: _Soldier of Winter_

"What? Soldier of Winter?” Steve snorted. "Well, listen, I had this army suit and it was very wintery there. Don't forget I was only 18.” “You are forgiven.”

"Mr Johanson! You're surely remembering me. I've been on this extraordinary trip, being the one with the best tent! Your descriptions of the landscape and the conditions of this extreme experience are very apt. (...) I vividly remember the barking of dogs, the deep red near sunsets and, strangely, the smell of melon. Fantastic book, I'm going to recommend it.” “Melon?” “An insider, not that important.” Sverre Johanson's answer was:

"Thanks for the nice review. It was an adventure.” “Is that all?” Steve asked indignantly, scrolling up to the author's portrait. An average, ordinary looking man in his late 30s, with a balding head and rounded cheeks. He smiled gently at the camera. "Bucky ... but he's ... pretty old." "He's ten years older than me, but he looked younger." Steve blinked. "But ..." "It didn't matter to me! His age, his looks!" "That's ... ", Steve didn't know what to say.

"Are you shocked?" Steve caught himself again. "Show me the picture of you." The picture defied description. Bucky in his black army suit, so tight hiding nothing against the background of the glaciers and the bizarre Greenland ice worlds, his arms spread out, his wild hair storm-battered ... He looked like some comic superhero. Steve gasped. "Oh my God. Soldier of Winter, fuck me.” he gasped. (…)

Much later, Steve was fast asleep on his stomach, Bucky had covered him, picking up the StarkPad again, tapping it briefly, he read the private message Sverre Johanson had sent him on the publisher's website:

"Bucky ... I'm sorry I've given you wrong contact information. I couldn't dare risk my heart. I hope you are happy. By the way, the publisher's using the picture of you – I'm looking at it again and again - to promote the book. I'm using it to never forget you. But this would not actually be necessary. I just have to close my eyes to smell melon. You are someone special. Never think otherwise. And if you're not happy, then please, please for the love of God, go there. But Greenland is mine forever. Farewell, lovely.” Bucky hadn't answered, never written again. He had let go, for Sverre's sake. Three weeks later he and Steve had ended up in that cell in a NYPD station. The rest was history ...

*

Steve and Bucky slowly got closer again. But still there were those moments when Steve looked at Bucky, catching him to glance at him, thoughtful and sometimes a little surprised. It scared the shit out of Steve each time. But those moments became more rare. Weeks turned into months ... The day they should have gotten married began with a violent thunderstorm in the morning waking them up and Steve, remembering the date, had to cry. Bucky took him close to his body holding him until his body stopped shaking. After he kissed away his tears, he combed through Steve's tousled hair with his fingers, telling him again and again he loved him and everything would be fine ... Finally he made love to him with so much tenderness and devotion Steve had to cry again. He hadn't felt that close to Bucky in ages…

Steve came to town for lunch regularly. It was always nice to see how much Bucky loved his work and the repair shop which was his baby. Sometimes he had to wait for his boyfriend to break free from work and the exchange of verbal blows between Bucky and his second chief mechanic when they were working side by side sometimes made him laugh so much he had to hold his sides. Bucky had taken so much confidence in the older man it reminded Steve of how he had clung to his dad, always longing for a father figure, but luckily without the flirty touch of that time. Ricky would probably knock the massive wrench he was holding in his big fists around Bucky's head. After all, it would be sexual harassment, Bucky was Ricky's boss! Steve had to laugh at the imagination again and he was happy, very happy.

Once, late in August, Steve came into the workshop and Ricky called to him from the pit under a sports car: “Cinderella has flown out. Taking a test drive on the highway. Have yourself some coffee if you like, it'll take a while.” Steve poured two cups from the jug, which was always ready, taking one to the pit. "Thank you, boy. I need a break. When the boss has flown out, you can go a bit slow...” Steve knew this was a joke, let himself down, careless of the not very clean workshop floor next to the pit. Ricky's eyes narrowed as they were sipping their coffees in silence. Steve frowned a little. The mechanic stopped the silence:

"You know, it's none of my business, Steve ... The boss was pretty upset about canceling your wedding. Of course he hasn't told me what's happened between the two of you, it's none of my business, I know. I don't want you to tell me either, don't worry. But it's good to see he's on the mend. No matter how you've gotten it done, keep going.” Steve stared at him with a slightly open mouth.

"I know you don't understand much of our work here and you don't need to get all outraged about me saying so. You _are_ interested in his work, I know that, but you do not understand what he's doing here. We also don't understand how you can teach anything to those pampered brats at your distinguished school. My respect for this.” Steve, who had wanted to protest, relaxed again. "Thank you, Ricky, and because I understand so little about it, I have the greatest respect for your work. God knows, without Bucky ... I can't even change a lightbulb!", he said jokingly laughing, having Ricky to grunt seriously: "Yeah, I can imagine ... "

Steve was a little offended now, but then he remembered Ricky dealing with Bucky, who didn't seem to have the slightest problem with it, taking this remark as an amicably teasing. "Well, at least you may not know, but the job here is not without danger. We're working with machines which can cut stainless steel like butter and we lay down getting under two-ton vehicles without knowing whether the undercarriage is stable.” Steve had become as white as chalk.

“When jump starting a vehicle, a short circuit can cause the voltage to build up to 120 volts. Just imagine putting a fork in a socket at home, only you are surrounded by a lot of conductive metal here around.” “I wasn't aware of that since.” “No matter, now you know. And I'm glad your princess can concentrate better on his work again. I'm an old man, my reflexes may not always be that good.” “What do you mean by that?” Steve whispered anxiously about what was going to come.

Ricky Sherman sighed heavily, got out of the pit getting a truck spring from a corner. He handed it to Steve: "Take it." He did without thinking almost dropping it. He hadn't counted on the weight. It surely weighed over 32 pounds. “We have to put these beasts in the spring tensioner for stress tests. The thing has a load of one and a half tons. And that is what it needs, because that is almost the force with which such a spring strikes when it springs open. Our spring tensioner is of course a high security device. The boss attaches great importance to that, which is another reason why I enjoy working for him so much.” Steve listened to him spellbound, had some difficulty in following the technical details, but so far he still understood everything. He was pleased with Ricky's praise for Bucky's boss qualities.

“Preparing the spring tensioner is child's play if you're doing it as often as we are here. A few buttons and levers in the right order and everything's fine. One day I've seen your darling by the spring tensioner thinking nothing of it until I've noticed the security control lamp is off. And that's where my waning reflexes due to old age come into play. I hardly managed to pull him away. The spring would have caught him fully. One arm torn off at best, at worst ...” Steve stared back and forth between Ricky and the harmless-looking spring tensioner in a nameless horror.

"Do you see the hole up there in the ceiling?" Steve looked up, a deep hole emblazoned in the actually very stable-looking suspension behind which the electrical and ventilation technology was hidden. "That's what the spring left and luckily in the ceiling, not in Bucky." Steve got sick, he had to run to the washroom throwing up, choking. With toothpaste and water, he rinsed the sour taste out of his mouth looking up. In the mirror he saw his own face, horrified, white as a sheet, sweat on his forehead. "Bucky ..." he groaned in horror.

When he came back, Ricky was screwing around at the bottom of the sports car again. Above all, he said: “I would have been really pissed off to find a new job. But I would have found one at some point. But you, Steve, you'd have to be looking for a new man and you would've never found someone like him again.” In the yard in front of the workshop, a car door slammed, Bucky came in, a small measurment device in his hand, of which he was reading, immediately heading to the desk calling as he typed something into the computer: "Everything's gone like clockwork, Ricky. The engine's running so quiet again I could hear my watch ticking. Good work."

"Likewise." Steve admired Bucky's lean body with his well-modeled shoulders and narrow hips in the fitting black two-piece suit. He noticed how much Bucky's clothing resembled his polar outfit from the Greenland picture, and wild want took him over so suddenly he literally sensed himself turning a firy red. Bucky turned and his face brightened when he saw Steve. "Stevie, what a nice surprise, I'm sorry you've had to wait."

_You would've never found someone like him again_ , Ricky's voice stuck like an echo in Steve's head making him swallow hard, he did three long steps pulling Bucky in his arms so violently he had to laugh. "Steve!" he protested freeing himself. He raised his eyebrows. "What's going on? You're looking like you've seen a ghost:” “Just told Charming a little story about occupational safety and workshop accidents.” Ricky called from under the car he was working on. Bucky looked angry: "Ricky …"

"What? When I'm telling you I can do without your ridiculous tight pants while nevertheless missing something without your stupid face, it doesn't impress you in the least. Thought maybe _he_ should tell you. You may listen to him and take better care of yourself in the future. I can't work properly without you, and I'm already regretting saying this, _Elsa,_ I'd miss your sing-sang” “We're talking about that later, Ricky,” Bucky said sternly. He just gave him a look meaning something along like: _Oooh, but now I'm scared._

In front of the workshop, Steve pulled Bucky to the back entrance of the stairwell. "What's that?", He laughed, "I'm hungry!" "It won't take long." "What?" "Come upstairs for a moment." "Steve, what the ..." "Come on!" He urgently dragged him behind, up the stairs, already demanding: "Keys!", Bucky took the key from his pocket in confusion giving it to Steve. As soon as they were in, Steve turned to him, pushed him against the door kissing him passionately. "Woah ... Stevie ..."; Bucky whispered against Steve's lips after what felt like an eternity. He leaned back a little, looked Bucky in the eye:

"I'm crazy about you, baby ...", with that he dropped to his knees getting to work on Bucky's pants. When he looked up, Bucky had a feline smile on his face, his eyes a dark glow. What Steve was unpacking was already half hard, two or three strong thrusts out of his the wrist, a thumb circling the tip made Bucky's cock rise fast. "I see, Steve," Bucky purred, "you're having dessert beforehand... nnngh!” Steve had put him in his mouth to the hilt without preamble. Bucky threw his head back, slamming it a little against the door, looking down quickly again groaning loudly.

Steve rolled his eyes up at him trying to grin around Buckys cock. Soonest enough he got serious ... After Steve had swallowed everything his boyfriend had to give, he noticed his knees were getting weak, he quickly grabbed him by his hips pulling him down into his lap. There Bucky rested for a while, as if boneless, against Steve's chest. When he breathed calmer again, he looked at Steve who smirked: "I've told you this wouldn't take long.” “Punk.", Bucky answered affectionately.

"You are hungry, just stay here, lie down a bit, I'm getting you whatever you like." "If I'm going to bed now, then not without you and you know what's coming out of it. Ricky won't forgive me, he's running away with another mechanic. There only has to come one around with slightly more loose-fitting pants than me and he's gone. It would break my heart. "

"Um, because of Ricky, you don't actually think he's a bit ... well, with calling you names like princess or Cinderella. Isn't it quite a bit, well ..." Steve hesitated. Bucky laughed, "What? Disrespectful?” “Uh, yes. Well, because you're ...” “Because I'm gay, _Charming_?" Steve pulled his face into a crooked grimace. "Yes?" "No, I don't think so. Ricky doesn't mean it like that.” “Well, if you say so.” “Listen, Steve, that's very chivalrous on your part, but isn't _this_ a bit disrespectful now?” “What?"

"Don't you think I could put my employee in his place if he's doing or saying anything disrespectful or even insulting to me, his _boss_ after all?" Steve thought for a moment. "Oh gee, I'm sorry, Bucky. Of course you don't need a hero on a white horse. I'm an idiot.” “Hoping that's only temporary. Come on, let's go have lunch. And wash your hands beforehand, I know where you've had them!” They started off laughing. At lunch in a nearby diner, Steve asked, "How have you gotten hold of Ricky again?" Bucky raised his eyebrows. "You know the story, I've told you many times."

"I've also listened every time. I know he worked in the repair shop you were for your trainee year after your degree. You poached him from there. What I have always failed to ask: Why did he come to you to work in an enormously indebted repair shop of a bloody beginner? He's got a family, that was some big risk on his behalf.” “Well, my beautiful eyes and long legs didn't do the trick with that." Bucky laughed. "Stop it... baby, you're looking dangerously good in this outfit, very sexy." Bucky cocked his head scrunching up his nose. "I'm gay, baby, it's deliberate." Steve laughed.

"So how about Ricky?" Bucky leaned back, chewing on his panini thoughtfully with his eyes going into distance ...


	91. "Wasn't me who's ruined us..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture at the end.

**"Wasn't me who's ruined us..."**

(Polito Auto Electrician, New York, summer 2026)

Bucky started his first day of his trainee year at a workshop that repaired both electric and combustion engine vehicles. He was nervous, with brand new mechanic clothes in his backpack, a book and sandwiches. He was still very thrifty. He knew from a few people mechanics hated nothing more than trainees with a master's degree in engineering. His boss, Mr DiMaggio introduced him to the workshop team and he was assigned to Ricky Sherman, who looked a little sourly when he shook his hand.

"Then go get changed, Mr. Barnes, this place is where you get dirty." "Yes, sir." Bucky's heart had slipped into his pants a long time ago and he wished he hadn't bought such a stylish, slightly too-sexy working jumpsuit, but one of the ragbag models the older one was wearing. The man was pleasantly surprised, never before had a trainee addressed him with 'sir'. That was a point in his good books. Ricky Sherman eyed him briefly but wordlessly when he came back and asked: "You want me to call you Mr Barnes or can it just be James?" "Bucky, please." That came automatically and when Mr Sherman gave him an quizzical look he added quickly: "'James' is fine." "What now, Bucky or James?" "Whatever you prefer." "All right, Bucky-James," the mechanic grinned , "where have you gotten educated?"

"Redlands University." "Have you had a practical semester there?" "Yes, sir." "Where?" Bucky hesitated, not to keen to be looking like a show off. But when Mr. Sherman raised his eyebrows, he hurried to answer: "In Germany, at Audi AG." Sherman was briefly speechless, clearing his throat and the next thing he said sounded approving: "Well, that's a great match, we just got one in, then show me what you've learned over there." They worked well together, right from the start. Ricky Sherman was a gruff man, but with a heart of gold. At lunchtime, he asked his trainee if he wanted to have lunch with him. “I've brought lunch with me, sir. I'm saving for my own shop.” Second point on Ricky's agenda. "So I'm taking the bill. But only for today. Come on, I want to get to know you a little better. "

While eating, Ricky asked him about his learning contents during his studies and about the internship in Germany. He enjoyed the company of the young man very much. He had three teenage daughters, and none of them was in the slightest interested in cars, technology, or engines. Barnes was, enormously, and he had a lot of knowledge, he told him this, too. The boy beamed with joy. Sherman felt like the sun was rising at their table. Of course, he didn't tell him he was the nicest, most polite and most humble trainee with an engineering degree he had ever met. "Tell me, Bucky-James, do you have a girl? You better tell her right away she won't get to see much of you this year. Trainees are the first to come and the last to leave.” Bucky also had known that before. He froze briefly, answering hesitantly: "No. I haven't.” “So you're a 'love's around the corner' guy? Enjoy it, you are still young. "

Bucky had never _not_ stood up for his sexuality, never denied it, and since he expected Steve to start coming over for lunch soon because he's seeing him so rarely, he'd rather drop the bombshell. "No, Mr. Sherman," he said bravely, "I'm living together with my boyfriend in Brooklyn." He lifted his chin slightly as if to say: And if you have a problem with it, eat shit. The boy was honest, had guts and stood by himself. Another plus in Ricky Sherman's eyes. "Have you gotten your degrees in engineering together?" Bucky smiled, not only about the idea of Steve and engineering, but also about the way Mr. Sherman handled it naturally. "No sir, he's a teacher." “Well, I know who's fixing a broken tap at your home. Is he a good cook at least?” Bucky, who had already smiled at the Steve repairing a tap fantasy, burst out laughing. "As good as a goat's at gardening." "Then I'm sorry for you. However, the way you're looking, you definitely had a choice, he'd sure have his qualities.” “Don't worry.", Bucky grinned: "he has."

(Today)

"You never let me try to fix the tap," Steve pouted a bit, but was also amused. Bucky laughed, "You know what happens when you pick up a tool." "It's whining for mercy?" "Exactly."

(2026)

It wasn't long before the older one offered to call him 'Ricky' and soon after he left 'James' out of 'Bucky-James'. Word the trainee was gay quickly got around in the workshop after Steve's first visit. Steve had told him in the morning he would not kiss him in front of his colleagues nor show in any other way they were a couple, they knew how mechanics could be. But Bucky had no thought of hiding anything. When he came to Steve in front of the hall, everyone else was also going for lunch, he curled one arm around Steve's neck, unmissable kissing him on his mouth. "Bucky!" Steve whispered. "I don't care, baby. I never have, you know that.” After lunch back at work, someone whistled behind his back and another sing-sang:

"Pancy nancy bumboy." Bucky did not react at all, went on screwing calmly on a motorcycle handlebar. But Ricky Sherman reacted. "Shut up Dawson, you too, Joey. The boy's having more sex in a week than you are with your lazy old woman in half a year time. In whom's shoes you'd rather be?” Bucky smirked broadly, still not looking back. Doing the maths of this week's 'incidents' in his head quickly he got to 'nine'. What a miserable life some marriage obviously was... "We've just been a bit silly!" "Dude, why so touchy..." But there was never another situation afterwards. In a quiet minute Ricky approached the two of them making them aware they would be on the verge of a sexual harassment complaint if they didn't leave those kinds of comments. "Do you think the little one's reporting us?" "No, but I am." Later he said to Bucky, "Looking good, your teacher, what's his name?" Bucky smiled dreamily. "Stevie ... um Steven." "So he's the Stevie-Steven to your Bucky-James? You have to be some couple.” Bucky laughed.

He finally won Sherman's heart the first time he did all his work so he could go to a ballet performance of his youngest. A college whippersnapper had never done anything like this before, for him, the simple mechanic. More school performances followed, and when Bucky went looking for suitable premises after his trainee year, he asked Ricky for advice. He helped him find the perfect repair shop and Bucky asked him spontaneously, without believing in an agreement by the older man, if he would want to work for him. Ricky Sherman said 'yes' without thinking.

(Today)

"He loves you very much." "Ricky? I've told you so many times he thinks I'm an idiot.” Bucky”, Steve laughed, "my own father thinks I'm an idiot and you've been there a dozen times, when he told me so. And you know very well he loves me.” “That's something else.” “No, it's not. You've scared him to death with that almost happened accident...” “In an instant insulting me a brainless idiot with a cauliflower instead of a thinking device."

"Because he loves you." Bucky just grunted. "He really thinks a lot about you, just believe me." Bucky cocked his head. "All right. I believe you, after all, I am pretty lovable and also incredibly adorable.“ , He winked. "I love you, baby." "Oh yes, I know." Steve threw his napkin in Bucky's direction (he kept not hitting his head). "Bucky ... please be careful at work, promise?" He looked into his eyes nodding seriously. "I promise."

"And why exactly is Ricky calling you 'princess'?" Bucky gave him a crooked smile: "Sometimes at work I start singing." "No, don't you tell me now ..." "Disney songs. Of course, what else? It helps me reduce stress. The first time Ricky's actually thought I was high as a kite. Man was angry, I can tell ya!” Steve could imagine this vividly. "And then?" "Well, he quickly realized this was not the case so he only grumbled, 'Oh, go on, sing-along, Elsa, I can be wearing hearing protection'." "What's been your answer?" "I've sung. 'Let's get down to business, to defeat the bugs'.” Bucky sang softly. "We've then had a software problem there." Steve giggled like some goblin at the mental picture.

“Ricky only looked at me with huge eyes, shaking his head telling me: 'There are doctors for problems like yours. With a couch'. But I think he likes it. He's got three daughters and seen all the Disney movies in great profusion, so ... “, Bucky shrugged his shoulders. Steve could only shake his head. Bucky was so ... so all-consuming, able to make people love him. He loved him fiercely at that moment. And he also loved Ricky a bit, just for making his Bucky laugh and for making him love his work even more ...

*

Steve had to go to a conference a week before school started to discuss the new school year with all his colleagues. The night before, Bucky had gotten into a somber mood and in the morning it got only worse. He was monosyllabic, his expression dark and his movements tensed. When Steve turned to go, Bucky gave him a sarcastic goodbye, "Have fun at _school_ , Steven." Steve turned back to him slowly. "Bucky, that's enough for now and forever. I'm telling Dr Strange today I'm gonna resign. Are you finally satisfied?” Steve's patience was no longer the best. After weeks and months being kept on his toes, doing everything to win back Bucky's trust, showering him with love and affection without getting all that much back...

"Am I satisfied? Satisfied? Does that make anything unhappen?" "Damn it, Bucky. I know I can't make anything unhappen but: I've apologized a thousand times still feeling terrible about it, I always will. We've been so happy again lately. Why are you ruining this now, why the hell?” Steve was right. They _had_ been very happy lately. "I'm ruining this? What? _Us_? Wasn't me who's ruined us, Steve.” Bucky replied coldly. As Steve'd forever known Bucky could hold a grudge, he only sighed, resigned: "Then all I've got left to try is go, quit my job." "But you love your job. You love this school!” Bucky called out. "I love you more." With that Steve left their house.

At the workshop, Bucky informed Ricky he would spend an accounting day in the company's financial system on the computer. Ricky nodded, understanding. He had noticed immediately his boss was in a distraught mood. Better not let him near heavy machinery. In his fantasies, Steve suffered a thousand agonizing deaths throughout the day. Ricky really loved Bucky like a younger brother or even his own son. It might have been unfair, but in Ricky's defense it was safe to say he didn't know Steve's side. When in the beginning of their work relationship, but actually after more than a year, he became aware of Bucky's Stevie-Steven being the son of Stark Industries' Tony Stark! He had given Bucky a headbutt, but a light one:

"Why haven't you ever told me?" "Does it matter in any way?" Bucky asked lightly. And after a moment's thought, Ricky said: "No, it probably doesn't. You, boy, are a saint.” “The Pope would see that pretty differently regarding my lifestyle." Bucky only laughed, waving the praise away going back to work. Steve had no chance to expect fairness from Ricky, he would always lose out with his loyalty to (his _princess_ ) his boss …

Steve was on time, traffic this morning was extremely employee-friendly. That way he could actually talk to Dr Strange prior to the conference.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you, Doctor, but I don't see any perspective here anymore. I'm quitting. ”, He brought out very bravely in one go. Bucky was right. Steve actually loved this job. But: He loved Bucky _more_. Dr Strange, usually the serenity and indifference in person, had to cough in surprise and also ... regret. "Professor Stark, that's coming out of the blue, I have to tell.", He had quickly caught himself and was his dignified self again.

“There are certainly ways to make your job in this institution more interesting. I'm pondering over a cross-school education committee and I've immediately thought of you, to be honest.” “I am honored, sir, but unfortunately I have made up my mind.” Dr Strange, who almost magically knew what was going on in his school went on, tapping at his laptop briefly. "Well, that's a real shame, Steven." Whenever Dr Strange switched from 'Professor Stark' to 'Steven', you could tell the headmaster was personally affected. The warm feeling at this was welcome, but didn't change Steve's determination ..

"Incidentally, I've received an interesting mail from the Federal Agency for Teaching last week. See for yourself.” He turned the laptop over and Steve leaned forward to discover Helmut Zemo had been withdrawn his teaching license. Zemo, 27, the note said, was convicted of having an affair with a 17-year-old at a summer camp for underprivileged kids where he had been volunteering in the summer holidays.

The youngster credibly assured it had been consensual, but nonetheless: Helmut Zemo would never be allowed to work as a teacher again. Steve looked up in astonishment. Dr Strange only gave his tight, barely noticeable smile saying, "Think again, Steven. The conference's about to start in five minutes.” “Could you forward this mail to me via school intranet, please, Stephen?” “Of course.” Strange did so in an instant. After both of them went to their conference.

At night, when Bucky came home from the workshop, Steve yet caught him at the door, showing him the federal agency's report first.

"You've told me from the start he was creepy. I've been an idiot.” Bucky read the message again. And again. He realized this nightmare was finally over. "I have to sit down." His voice trembled. "Baby ..." Steve whispered grabbing him under the elbow to support him a little. "Come on." He led him to the living room. "No. Bedroom, please. ”, Bucky whispered. There Steve gently pushed Bucky onto the edge of their bed crouching to untie his shoes. He spoke to Bucky's knees.

"I can't expect or even wish for you ever forgetting this episode, I don't deserve it that easily. But if you forgive me one day, I'll be the happiest man in the world.” He gently pushed Bucky down laying down next to him, popped up on his elbow. "I don't know what to say, Steve." "You don't have to say anything. Just be with me. Here, next to me, by my side.” Bucky made a choked sound deep from his throat pulling Steve's head to his chest.

"I can't believe what I've done ..." he whispered barely noticeably, but Steve, whose full attention was focused on him, understood each of his words, "... I've almost ... _ruined_ _us_.", his last words were suffocated and hardly understandable, but Steve did so anyway because he expected them. "I shouldn't have said this to you, baby," he regretted against Bucky's chest, kissing him through the soft fabric of his shirt. "Well ... you've been right," he replied softly. "Never mind now. Can you now ... well, I don't expect you to forgive me right away. But are you able to ... look forward now?” “At least now I want to." “That's enough for me." Bucky ran his fingers through Steve's hair, grabbing his chin between his thumb and index finger lifting his face so he could look at him. "Make love to me, Stevie. Do me right now ... "

In contrary to the one time, that night some months ago, when Steve was approaching to make love to Bucky (Well, to _fuck_ him, to be honest), which had kind of started this whole fucking freak show they'd put themselves into, this time all went perfectly smooth and well...

First thing was Bucky confessing to Steve he liked it way more getting it from behind. Steve obeyed though he always preferred sex face-to-face, seeing his lover's expression, being able to be kissing. All of which Bucky was into too when he was topping. But being on his knees, ass stuck in the air with his head down, was some huge turn-on for him from time to time, so they went for it this time. Steve pretty soon realized, he was perfectly able to be kissing Bucky in this position when making some effort. At one point he pulled his lover's lithe body to his chest, showering his long beautiful neck with kisses and licks, while only rolling gently into him with tiny movements of his hips. Bucky's head sank onto his shoulder and they were sharing a deep loving kiss after which Bucky was making a second confession:  
  
“It's never been your fault: me not being able to surrender to you completely. It's ever only been my fault. I love you, Steve and I'm so sorry.” “Don't have to, baby...” “But I _have_ to!”, Bucky urged. “When I imagine it to be the other way around and it was me being rejected and denied by your body time and time again, I'd be devastated!” “Your body's not doing it actually right now.”, Steve whispered, his low rumbling voice a soft caress against his cheek, coming along with a deep thorough thrust into his pleasantly relaxed complying hole. “Aaaah...”, Bucky slumped making Steve release his embrace around his chest, letting him again rest one shoulder and his head on the mattress. “Puh-lease...” Encouraged by this plea he grabbed him by his oh-so-narrow hips in a tight grip to pound into him in earnest. Given by Bucky's obvious approval (“Yeah, Stevie, fuck me into next week!”) it was the right thing to do at that time...

(...)

"Aren't you hungry, baby?" Bucky was draped across Steve's chest, shaking his head weakly. "Can I get you something else?" "Rnnng ..." Bucky breathed incomprehensibly. "What, baby?" "M' ring ..." Steve took a sharp breath. "Baby ... you want ... honestly?" "If you still want me to have it." Steve's whole self was on tiptoes listening intently, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten him, talking so softly, rather slurred. "More than anything else, baby, I'm getting it for you." "Very well." Bucky mumbled. He let out a happy little sigh, chuckling a bit, making himself more comfortable on Steve's chest when he more felt than heard Steve's giggle.

"You have to let me get up." "Don't want to ..." Steve put both of his arms around him rolling them over together so Bucky was now on his back. He made some weak attempt to hold on Steve with having left not more strength than a kitten. "You are _adorable_ ”, Steve breathed. "Then you have to put a ring on me..." Bucky grunted a little unwillingly when Steve pulled away from him to get up. Their rings and Bucky's torn chain were in his nightstand. Steve's gray hoodie hung over a chair, he pulled the draw string out of the hood and went back to Bucky. He sat up with difficulty, turning the bedside lamp up a little. They looked at each other in the dim light.

"Will you marry me, Bucky?" "Yes, I will marry you." Steve gave Bucky his ring and he put it on Steve's right ring finger. "Am I the person you've wanted me to be?" Bucky sighed. "Yes, baby. You are that person. You've done everything to win me back and ... it's you. The _One_. _My_ one.” “I'll do anything to stay your one, baby.” “Could you please give me my ring back?” Bucky asked, with an almost imperceptible uncertain undertone.

"I'm proud you want to wear it. We have to do with this until I'm getting you a new chain for it.” He dangled the hood's draw string in front of Bucky's face. "I like it even better." Steve put the ring on and laid the makeshift necklace around Bucky's neck. The sight of the engagement ring on his chest was driving tears to Steve's eyes and he hugged him tightly, kissed his tangled hair, breathing in his beloved smell - a little sweat, sex, motor oil, black tea and a lot of Bucky. He sighed happily and whispered, "I love you." "I love you too." After a long affectionate kiss, Steve demanded, "Come on, sweetheart, pick a date!" “ASAP, because of health insurance.” Steve snorted rolling his eyes.

"Ever the romantic, seriously. Bucky, I want you to have your winter wedding.” “It'll take months!” “Let me pay your insurance while that lasts.” Bucky inhaled audibly. "Please baby. I want to do that so we can get married in winter as you were wishing for. Let me do this for you. We can be getting dressed so much nicer, it's not gonna be too hot for fine wool and vests under our jackets, come on, please.” “Bastard, grabbing me by my vanity.” “I just know you well.” “I actually know exactly what I would like to wear. In the summer it would be much too hot for it.” “So, say yes. Just say yes. Only this time, baby. "

"23rd of February '32," Bucky stated after briefly making up his mind. The number sequence was impressive in its symmetry. "So February's settled?" "Yes, February's settled." “I'm telling Thor immediately. He has some work to do.” “Baby... Tell your parents beforehand.” “You're right. But Thor's next.”

When Bucky came to the workshop the next morning, Ricky was already there. He immediately got a aware of the bounce to his steps and liveliness, asking: "Well, Arielle, gotten you pair of legs?" Bucky laughed: "Better!", With that he pulled the ring out of his shirt. "Good. Great. I don't have to murder anyone anymore. Would have been a real downer.” They went to work.

The good news spread the whole family and circle of friends like some bush fire, leaving each and everyone very happy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally that latest misery is over - all is well.  
> Credits on the picture.


	92. "Are you running away, Romeo?"

**"Are you running away, Romeo?"**

Bucky woke up early on his wedding day, briefly confused by the unfamiliar surroundings. He was in Shuri's suite in the Wakandan embassy. She was his best girl. His heart suddenly pounded excitedly in his chest. Today he would be getting married to his Stevie. They were about to marry! He fished for his phone sending a message to Shuri, who was sleeping in the other room:

"Iiiiek! I'm getting married! Help me!"

Shuri literally exploded through the door separating their rooms seconds later and before Bucky had recovered from the fright, the energetic African jumped onto the foot of his bed. "Bucky! You're getting married! Married to your Steven!” She literally vibrated with excitement and her eyes, sparkling with exhilaration, infected Bucky, who normally was not a morning person at all. He had probably never beamed as happily at ten to seven in many years as he did today.

"You look happy, white wolf." Bucky groaned in annoyance: "Why do you still call me that? I'm definitely no longer the lonely wolf, biting through life.” Shuri pulled a face, showing her teeth menacingly. "If you're ever feeling lonely again, a certain Steven Stark will have to face my Wakandan martial arts, perfected with M'Baku's help, and a good dose of rage." M'Baku was a tribal chief in Wakanda who was able to master an ancient martial art she practised on at the moment. "Oh, princess", Bucky laughed, "Steve can handle your 50 kilos. Have you taken a look at him? The man is built like a tank!” “Oh yes, I have… ”, she answered casually. Bucky snorted: "Ha! I've known. Steve's broad shoulders and killer thighs're making you almost as dizzy as me.” Shuri was suddenly quite dignified again: "You know me well. But it would still be noble not to mention this again.”

"Alright, I promise." Bucky winked. "Rise and Shine. We have to get you all pretty for your wedding now.” Shuri became businesslike. Bucky looked hurt. "Listen. I _am_ pretty." The friend looked at him mockingly: "You don't see what I'm seeing: this bird's nest, the caricature of a hairstyle, so to speak, sleep lines on your cheek ... not exactly your best look!” “You are so cruel.” “I am responsible for my groom and will do a better job than Samuel. Take that as surefire.” Bucky laughed.

*

Steve woke up even earlier than his fiance, which was no wonder. Lying there for a few minutes, looking at the ceiling, he felt lonely in their spacious bed without Bucky, then he got up courageously, putting on sportswear and a windbreaker to go running. _I'm getting married today. To Bucky. Running, now? Seriously?_ He shrugged. After all, running was something always clearing his head, filled him with energy, and the cold winter morning in their neighborhood of New York at seven-thirty on a Saturday with empty streets and paths would wake him up properly. He hadn't slept very well, alone, without Bucky, but those were the rules when getting married ... When he put on his running shoes in the hall, he was startled by the sudden question:

"What is this going to be, are you running away, Romeo?" Steve whirled around to Sam, his best man, who had been watching some series on Netflix the night before, when Steve went to bed, instead of in the guest bedroom had fallen asleep in the living room. "What? No! Never...” Steve laughed. "Good. My patience with the two of you is already at its limits, you know?“, He grinned. "What do you mean?" "Please, Steve, get married today. The stress with postponed weddings and your usual drama can no longer be stood." Steve looked a little offended, but then he laughed at his friend: “Sammy, Sammy ... you're going to cry your eyes out, aren't you? When we're putting on our rings or when we're kissing or maybe making the vows? What will it be to get you there?” Sam dropped his jaw, then he looked serious.

"Steve ... I think it's fantastic, even though I may not have supported you from the start as I should have ... I'm sorry, seriously sorry. I do know now it's the right thing to do ... Bucky is _the_ one for you! And I'm proud that you're giving me that a big role in it. Best man. Wow.” Steve was a bit flabbergasted by his best friend's soulful statement. He swallowed hard. "Thank you, Sam, I appreciate it," he nodded seriously. "Now go run!” Steve grins again, nodding to his bestie and left the house, not without shouting over his shoulder: "You're going to blubber!" Sam rolled his eyes.

*

Shuri sighed, "I can't even get your nails done. Being bridesmaid for a man is pretty boring.” “I am not a bride and you are not a maiden. But who says you can't do my nails?” Bucky's best girl raised her eyebrows. "Do you want to spice up your simple suit with some color? Honestly, never thought you would dress that simply when getting married.” “It's about the event not the shell when you're getting married, princess.” “So what do you want? Rainbow fingernails?"

"Just file and dry polish, that's enough, thanks." Shuri pushed her lips out. "Is there coming a layer of wax on top? As if I were in your workshop.” “Don't you sulk! The manicure set is in my wash bag.” Shuri rose, going for Bucky's wash bag. He lay back on the pillows dreaming a bit. "Save your sex face for later – and at that: _much_ later!" Shuri brought him back climbing onto the bed. Putting a towel over her cross-legged legs she took Bucky's right hand.

His engagement ring shimmered in a warmly silver in the dim morning sun. “The ring is really beautiful. Steven chose well. ", She looked smiling fondly at him: "And not just the ring." Bucky smiled back thoughtfully silently watching Shuri as she rounded his nails nicely. "You've got pretty soft hands for a mechanic," she murmured, "hardly any calluses. You've got more delicate little paws than I do, honestly!“, She mumbled picking up the polishing cloth made of soft suede. "I've got a good protective ointment, I put it on before work and a hand mask for afterwards. I'm texting you where to get them.” Shuri admired her work. Bucky's nails shimmered dull only shining a little, just enough to not look polished yet. She climbed over him to work on his left hand.

"I still think you should have taken the lavender colored suit. Looked awesome to your dark hair!" "Nah, Steve's dressing pretty traditionally, that wouldn't have been right." “At least we do something crazy with your hair, I hope?” Bucky laughed. "I don't think so." Shuri snorted, "Boring." Bucky frowned. Shuri paused in her work to look up: "I would have expected a little more Gay Pride when you're getting married, that's all. But I'm not saying anything more, promise." “I'm getting married to Steve because I love him and want to be with him until the end of my days. I'm not getting married for the community. And I want to look like a man taking such a significant step in life and not like a statement. I will be looking at these pictures from today until I am old and gray. I don't want to think at some point, I was a pompous exaggeratedly queer forefinger today. ”

His best friend looked at him thoughtfully for a while, then nodded slowly and seriously: "You're right, Bucky, please forgive me." Instead of an answer, he rummaged around in his wash bag, pulling out a small silk bag pressing it into her hand. "You can see my underwear, just so you don't think my LGBT conscience has died off completely." Shuri opened the bag curiously fishing out a brightly rainbow-colored Speedo mini brief. She got huge eyes bursting out of laughter. "Oh dear! My curiosity about what men're wearing on their wedding night instead of lingerie is satisfied." Bucky chuckled and when his left hand was done too they left for breakfast...

*

Sam awaited Steve with a generous breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes and porridge, and when he came back from running with dramatically flushed cheeks, he poured him a steaming cup of hot chocolate, still Steve's favorite hot drink. Steve thought he couldn't grab even one bite out of excitement, but he forced himself to do so. The day would be long and hypoglycemia was a serious threat given the importance of today's events. In the end he had eaten well of everything going to the living room with Sam to relax a bit before setting himself the task of offering a sight worthy of the occasion and the breathtaking man he was about to marry.

"What is Bucky going to wear?" Sam asked at that moment. "He told me his suit is very simple, a dark anthracite with a white shirt, white bow tie." Sam stopped: "This formal and conservative? I haven't expect from him.” “I think he's doing so a little for my sake. He knows I only feel properly dressed in formal clothes for that an occasion - my own wedding, after all. And Bucky's definitely wanted to adapt.” “Are you very nervous, dude?” Steve closed his eyes briefly taking a deep breath. "Yeah ...", he said stretched, exhaling longly, "When Bucky's gonna have said 'yes' later, I'm probably passing out with relief," he laughed. Sam frowned.

"Do you have any doubts?" “I don't have the slightest doubts...” “About him, I've meant,” Sam interrupted. Steve's eyes widened. "Th-that was a joke, Sam, the one about relief. He _will_ say yes, won't he?” Sam hurried to put on a reassuring smile. "But of course he will, Steve. And if not, just ask him again and again until you've got him safe and sound with a marriage license. You would do that to the end of the line anyway, wouldn't you?” Steve blinked. "Yeah, think so." "See!" Sam grinned, "Your Bucky is going to marry you and something tells me that happens even today, rightly so?" “Right..." But the little crease between Steve's eyebrows didn't disappear when he went off to take a shower. Sam texted Shuri:

" _Mayday. Fit of nerves and fear of loss out of the blue, there's panic too at yours?_ "

*

The breakfast buffet at the embassy left nothing to be desired and Bucky, who naturally had no appetite when excited, bravely managed to eat nonetheless to get all his strength together. They were having breakfast extensively, there were some hours left, and even though Shuri had joked about his hair, Bucky never really needed much time to transform into his prettiest self. They'd talked, which meant Shuri tried to distract him a little, chattering about her tech lab. She soon realized how unfocused he was. Narrowing her eyes a little after her last “Don't you think so too?” had remained unanswered. "W-what? But yes!"

"You haven't been listening for minutes, have you? What's happening? Tell me, pronto!” Bucky looked caught, turning a slight pink. "I've ...been thinking." "Oh no. You've had enough time to think. If you're now leaving your sweetheart in front of the altar running away, then it is my job to support you, I know. But: You will experience a never dreamed-of lecture from me and you're going to have to live with the guilt making Steven burning half of the US states looking for you. But please, If you want so, because you've been _thinking_...” Bucky had to laugh. That M'Baku, Shuri's trainer and, as she said, now a good friend, who was almost twice her height and weight, had made her even more belligerent with the philosophy behind her combat training.

"What is there to laugh about?" "I don't want to run away." "Good. So what've you been thinking about?” “I know it is exactly what Steve wants and it is exactly what I want anyway, I _am_ convinced. But if we don't want the right thing, then what? I mean Steve with his traditional wedding suit and straightforward views since he was a little boy ... a gay wedding? Is what he's always wanted, what his parents've wished for him?"

"First of all, you're not getting married to his parents. They've got enough other kids to fulfill some hidden suburban dream. Second, have you lost your mind? Steven loves you and wants this and nothing else! Hasn't he asked you often enough?” Bucky went deep red. "And stop feeling guilty. You've had your reasons to doubt and he knows that very well.” Bucky lowered his eyes. “What's happened between him and this Russian sports teacher back then might have been necessary to get you on the right track. Ultimately, that's only confirmed what you've wanted, hasn't it?” “I guess so.” "Steven is ... not a man like you who's never looking at anyone. You've decided to accept that for yourself. That's your affair and everyone has their own way of loving.” Bucky opened his mouth, then closed it again, startled:

"I'm also looking at other men. I am not a scout or saint. Sometimes my fantasy goes wild when I see a handsome man and ...” “Bucky," she interrupted, "and when do you usually stop looking and delving into your fantasies?" Bucky was silent, almost defiant. "Well, I'm telling you: _in time_. You always stop yourself in time.” “Steve won't be having… _dates_ anymore when we're married.” Shuri slowly took a sip of tea, eyeing him thoughtfully. "What if he will, though?" Bucky's head jerked up. "I think Steve will be a loyal husband!" "And if not?", She was merciless. It hurt, but she was right and it was important to think it through now and clarify for himself. He thought, swallowing:

"Then it is what it is. I can handle it.” She raised her eyebrows. "Does Steven know how you feel about this?" “Yeah, he is, isn't he? I think I've made clear! Well, on the other hand I don't know if it was clear enough for Steve.” “You haven't actually told him clearly?” “Shuri! I want him to no longer want it himself!” She had to swallow that first. There was no answer to that. But then she remembered something, "But he was very shaken when he thought he was losing you?" "I think so." Bucky frowned, then his eyes brightened and he nodded, "You're right. He knows. It will never happen again.” “Overcome your panic?"

"I'm making a fool of myself here, aren't I? Everything I've always wanted is only a few hours and a short boat ride away from me and I'm acting as if I'm a Victorian virgin,” he laughed. Shuri grinned, "Then it's time for us to get those morning marks off your pretty face turning you into a stunning, beautiful groom. Your teacher will be hit by the blow if he sees you later, I guarantee!” “Alright, let's get started!"

While Bucky was in the tub, in an aloe vera oil bath, waiting for his hair roots to be soft enough to shave, Shuri received Sam's message. She answered:

" _Of course there is panic there too! What have you expected, Samuel? This is Steven and Bucky, and we are their babysitters! Fortunately, only for one day. Are the water pipes in their house already freezing because he's getting cold feet?_ "

" _I don't think he is. He rather fears his sometimes more complicated and a little bit dramatic fairytale prince could dissolve in a cloud of glitter and secrets. No idea where that's coming from. Bucky has been washing his underpants and socks for years ... Hardly a mysterious prince, if you ask me!_ "

" _Calm down, I've gotten Bucky back on the track and you're gonna manage with Steven. We deserve a medal here, Samuel, don't you think so?_ ”

" _I'm just going to take Buckys, it’s probably still lying around here somewhere_."

Shuri knew the medal Bucky had received years ago for his heroic deed of catching a grenade for a comrade - Steve - had been made into an amulet long ago. One of the more sentimental gifts Bucky had given Steve over the years. To him the medal meant so much more than it meant to Bucky and he was often wearing the amulet under his clothes, near his heart. But apparently Sam didn't know that. That was not a topic of conversation in male friendships. When you're a girl, your gay best friend tells you, though. But she knew Sam would certainly not rummage in their drawers, looking for it. Sam was joking as most of the time.

*

Steve came out of the bathroom in a bathrobe, rubbing his hair dry and found Sam on the bed with the phone in his hand. He frowned: "Are you texting with Shuri?" "No, with Sharon, she can't find her favorite belt and is asking me if I know where it is. Almost laughable, isn't it?“ Sam lied quite smoothly. Steve grinned. "Guess you don't even know, what belt she's talking about.” "Exactly. Tell me, does Bucky actually still have his army order?", He hadn't seen the thing in ages and was curious. Steve hesitated briefly before going to his bedside table He opened the drawer, pushed some private photos of Bucky aside, and lifted the amulet out hanging off its heavy chain.

The Soldier's Medal, which is awarded for heroic behavior without contact with the enemy, was made of heavy gold and the fastening ribbon in the national colors was redesigned as a chain eyelet. Steve dangled the amulet in front of Sam's face. “Bucky let it be done for me for my start at Sanctuary as a trainee. Should bring some good luck, as he said at the time, when I have to go back to those halls, facing high school perniciousness without him by my side.” Sam picked up the medal, admiring it in the palm of his hand. It was well-groomed and polished. "You are so cheesy. Good thing you are getting married today, at the latest now I would have highly recommended. This man's loved you half of his life and you can even hang one of the many proofs of this around your neck. ”

"Are you going to cry, Sammy?" Steve teased. "You can wait a long time for that." "We'll see." "Do you want to wear it?" Steve thought for a moment. "Yes," he nodded, "I want to wear it." He looked pensively at the amulet, the medal Bucky had received for saving his life, blinking away a tear or two... "Fix your hair before they're dry.”, His best friend tore him out of his daydream about that special day. Steve hadn't thought of the accident, but of the wild and somewhat dirty sex they'd been having in that demolished shed before. Steve blushed and went to blow dry. Sam texted Shuri:

"Steve's just showed me his Soldier's Medal amulet and is very much in love again - he's made his sex face. Everything's fine at the mo!"

"Bucky's in the tub and it's sure to assume he's making his sex face, too, but of course I'm not there and have to guess."

"The two of them're making their sex face so often ... Assuming this results's lying in a quota of 72%!"

*

Bucky had finished shaving and _shaving_ , of course he still had to take a shower because the oil bath couldn't be rinsed off with water alone. He toweled his body dry, wrapped a towel around his hair applying an anti-perspirant lotion, put on fresh boxers and a bathrobe. He went back to Shuri, who was leafing through a book from the suite's bookshelf. She put it away when she noticed the lotion bottle in Bucky's hand.

"Are you going to apply this on my back where I can't get to?" Shuri read the label. "Deodorant lotion? But you do know sweating is a natural and healthy body mechanism to avoid overheating?” “It's February and we are in New York. I'm not overheating!” “Well, at your responsibility." Bucky turned, let the bathrobe slide down to his waist hissing:" Not a word about sandwiches I'd have to eat. You know how much I had for breakfast." Shuri applied the lotion saying: "I haven't intended to say a single word. I'm not annoying you on your wedding day about your, um ... delicate shape. After all, you're marrying someone who obviously appreciates that very much.” “Yes. He does, very much so. And by the way, the word 'delicate' is annoying. I'm not a china vase.” “Oh come on, what can I say? Elf-like? Willow-looking?” “Steve's using 'graceful', 'elegant', long-limbed' or 'cat-like', just for information.” Shuri snorted:

"He's in love with you, and by the way: where I'm coming from, every cat's bigger than you!" "You're a monster." "I love you too. Come on, be nice again.” Shuri tousled his hair kissing the back of his head. "But only because I'm so happy today." “Finished, get the robe back on. I'm really happy for you. More than any other person in the world.”, Her last words were spoken softly and in a loving tone. Bucky turned to look into her eyes, which shimmered suspiciously. He put the robe back on properly hugging Shuri tightly in silence. No words were needed. They sniffled a little, then she patted him on his damp hair. "Come on, let's do your hair!" "Nothing crazy!" "Yes, yes, I've gotten it."

*

Steve was already done with his hair. He was trimming his beard to three millimeters and slipped. Damn. So he had to shave smoothly. But he had been thinking about growing a full beard for a while, the three-day version of the past few weeks had been the first step. He generously applied Bucky's favorite perfume and aftershave and sprayed himself over with an odorless anti-perspirant. He put on the amulet and his engagement ring. Then he slipped on comfortable sweats and a hoodie. He would only put the suit on shortly before departure. He was completely satisfied with his appearance and Sam nodded approvingly as he came out of the bathroom, "Good that you've shaved. You don't look like a tramp at your own wedding.” They had two hours to be picked up playing some video game, talking about non-wedding matters. Steve looked excited but in the good way. Sam wondered how Bucky was doing ...

*

"I'm looking horrible! What am I going to do with that stupid curl? What? Where does it come from suddenly?” Bucky had carefully blown his hair smooth with Shuri's assistance. He wanted to comb it out of his face for the ceremony and for the photos but for the party and especially afterwards as usual to let fall it in his face. A defiant streak was curling up again now, a quarter of an hour later, falling on his forehead. Shuri excused herself briefly coming back to the rescue after a short while with a hair straightener.

"There's everything there in this house, I've asked the chief housekeeper. Relax.” Bucky breathed a sigh of relief. Shuri had found his tantrum a little over the top ('looking horrible' was completely different from a ridiculously small curl in the forehead of a handsome man like Bucky), but she had stoically kept silent, listening to him, uttering soothing sounds, patting him. She fulfilled her duties as best girl ( _bridesmaid_ , Bucky couldn't say otherwise, he finally behaved like some true bride!).

The streak was quickly put in its place with the straightener and Shuri went to Bucky's face with her magic case. Nobody could do make up as well as Africans and Bucky had protested first, but after Shuri had promised him he wouldn't look a bit made up and everyone, especially Steve, would wonder in an awe what made him look so mysterious and special today. She also promised to carefully wipe everything away if he didn't like it, so he gave in.

She covered his skin with a matting, colorless substance, used a small, soft brush to apply feather-light powder almost the same color as Bucky's fair skin, just a little darker to certain areas, into his chin cleft, under his cheekbones, under his chin, and between his eyes and eyebrows. With some she blurred and softened the edges. When she sat back, almost half an hour later she satisfied, a layer of transparent fixing powder came all over his face. At the end she brushed some hair oil into his eyebrows and eyelashes to make them jet black. "Your makeup's smelling of nothing," Bucky muttered lazily, he had closed his eyes leaning back comfortably to relax as long as possible.

"Cool, isn't it? Natural cosmetics from Wakanda, perfected in the biotech laboratories. You want to admire yourself now? I think I've done a good job.” Shuri stated proudly. Bucky opened his eyes taking the hand mirror she handed him. He let out a gasp in surprise. His eyebrows looked heavy and the area below was somewhat shadowy. True bedroom eyes. And very bright bedroom eyes, too, shimmering in an almost silvery shine! The cleft in his chin looked deeper and his cheekbones sharper. Hinted shadows underneath emphasized his jawline. The corners of his mouth ended in inconspicuously accentuated dimples, inviting to kiss.

Still, he looked like himself, like the perfect version of himself on the one perfect day when everything was alright. "Well?" "I'm speechless!" "Haven't I told you so? Let's leave it that way, don't we?” “Definitely!” He beamed at his best friend. "Steven's jaw will drop to the floor." Bucky grinned. "What time is it?" Shuri looked at her watch. "Another hour before we have to go." Bucky's stomach clenched delicately.

"Shuri, I think I've had too much breakfast." "Do you have to throw up?" She asked, alarmed. "No, not that, but my vest is pretty tight fitting, I'm not getting in anymore ..." Shuri did not honor this stupid statement with an appropriate answer, she was a true saint, she thought. "You've only got some air in your stomach, I'm massaging it away, lie down." "But ...", he suddenly looked at her somewhat embarrassed. "What?" She called with a laugh. "Am I not allowed to touch you? Why are you suddenly awkward at that?” “I'm pretty ticklish.” Shuri looked at him annoyed raising her eyebrows. "Correct massages don't tickle. Steven only loves to get you all hot and bothered, so that's why it's ticklish when he's doing it.” Bucky went slightly pink, but had to laugh, lay down on his back, slapping his bathrobe away. The massage of course helped without tickling a bit.

*

Steve was getting ready now. The limousine his father hadn't let himself talked out of was about to arrive in half an hour. Tony Stark didn't give a damn about Bucky's piggy-banksy behaviour, his son was getting married! He would go with Steve and his Best Man in one and all of them other Starks in a second one. Steve put on the silk mid-blue (a color Bucky liked him in) boxers he had bought. The sheer material would allow Bucky to feel everything when mouthing at Steve's dick through them, which he very much enjoyed doing. Black socks made of the finest wool, a boxer-style undershirt emphasizing his shoulders, the tuxedo shirt, vest and pants.

He put on his cufflinks, golden eagle wings, Bucky's last Christmas present, taking a deep breath. His stomach had just started to flutter terribly. "Sam!" He called. Sam came into the bathroom and whistled. "Dude, you're looking very good. What is it?” “My fingers are shaking, I don't think I'm able to tie the bow. You have to help me!" Sam stared at him:" Dude! You don't seriously think I am capable of this!” Steve looked at him, suddenly panicky ...

*

Bucky was also getting dressed. The embassy's limousine for him and Shuri left in just under 30 minutes. The tiny rainbow-coloured underpants, a tank top in white, shirt, pants, socks made of a wool / silk mixture, the dreaded tight white baroque-looking vest (not everything about his outfit has to be that simple) , everything fit like a glove. He breathed a sigh of relief. His cufflinks were five-pointed white gold stars, Steve's last Christmas present, just like his for him, for this occasion. He wrapped the silk white ribbon around the folded-up collar to tie his bow. "Shuri!" He called out a few minutes later, his voice in turmoil. The young woman rushed into the bathroom. "Is your makeup waterproof? I'm crying right away!” The silk stripe was hanging loosely around Bucky's neck looking a bit crumpled.

"My fingers are numb!" Bucky whined tearfully. "My make-up _is_ waterproof but still: please do not cry. I'll fix this.” “Shuriii!” “Shut up! I've said I'd fix it, goodness.” Bucky blinked gaining strength from her authority. Shuri disappeared with the strip of silk and Bucky forced himself to take a deep breath. Minutes later she came back with the freshly ironed fabric and Mr Bashengas Butler, Mr Flannigan. The man was British and tied a perfect bow tie around the groom's neck, while Shuri was very pleased with herself. Bucky swayed with gratitude and relief letting the somewhat stiff but very polite Englishman help him into his jacket. He turned to the mirror and ... was satisfied - very much so. _I'm going to be Stevie's husband!_ he thought overjoyed ... Shuri was next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist pulling him close. "You're gorgeous!" She whispered with treacherously glittering eyes and a warm smile.

*

Sam ordered Steve to sit down and stay calm. He snatched Steve's phone looking for his father in his contacts.

"Steve?" he answered less than three seconds after dialing. _Woah, Starks may have had a nervous marriage energy about them!_

"Sam Wilson here, Mr. Stark. We've got a bow tie problem. I can't do one and Steve's fingers have turned to jelly.”

The little amused and somewhat breathless laugh coming through the line made Sam think of a soothing smile and limitless relief. Had Tony Stark expected his son to have a panic attack in the end? Well, he knew him well ...

"I'm there five minutes early, give him a glass of scotch, but only a small one. Everything will be fine. Thanks Sam, that was a good idea to call me!"

"Why do you think it was my idea?"

"Are you kidding? At the moment there's only one thought in Steve's head: 'I'm getting married to Bucky!'” Mr Stark chuckled. Sam agreed: "I'm sure you are right. Well, you _are_ a genius!” “I'm leaving straight away. Hold the fort, my boy. "

"Your dad's coming a little earlier doing your bow tie," Sam informed Steve, who was brooding quite absent and pale around his nose ignoring Sam's phone call. He raised his head and his face brightened up. "Great idea, Sam! You really are the best best man!” He grunted: “I expect the same commitment and talent from you when the time comes.” “I promise.”, Steve stood up hugging his best friend, patting him on the back. He replied very warmly to the expression of friendship. Then he poured Steve a scotch, but only a small one ...

While Steve was waiting for his father, sipping his Scotch, and leafing through a history journal, Sam put on his own silver-gray suit along with his tie, which was wisely prepared with a perfect knot by his brother, who worked in the fashion industry.

*

Shuri had put Bucky in a cozy armchair, pushing a glass of wine into his hand as much as one of their old yearbooks from Sanctuary High so she gould go change. She slipped into her silvery-gray, simple but elegant dress, harmonizing with Sam's best-man-outfit. Her hair was in a high ponytail and only a hint of make-up adorned her pretty face. She took a minute to send a message to her boyfriend, M'Baku:

" _Quite exciting. I wish you were here. It's definitely very romantic, despite all the stress and all the drama today!_ "

He texted back immediately:

" _My queen! Since when have you been one for romance? Am I reading something between your lines? I'm counting the days until you're back with me, favorite!_ "

" _I don't know what you're reading between my lines. The car's pulling up right away, I have to go. See you soon, beloved!_ "

Shuri smiled dreamily while packing her purse. _M'Baku ..._

*

After a warm and understanding welcome hug, Tony Stark let Sam get him to his eldest son. Steve was at the kitchen table, the magazine forgotten, the scotch empty, staring straight ahead, gray in his face.

"Steve!" He called softly, "Boy, relax, everything will be fine." Steve's head snapped up and he looked at his father. "Dad ...", he pressed out, "what if I can't make him as happy as he deserves?" Sam left the kitchen discreetly and Tony sat down with his son. "Steve. Bucky _is_ happy. By your side he is the happiest man under the sun. Like you are by his,aren't you?” Steve sniffed a little. "Yes?" "Yes!" His father called firmly. "What could some darn marriage certificate change?" "Then why am I so nervous? Shouldn't I be confident and strong?” Tony smiled squeezing his shoulder.

"Listen, junior. When you are not nervous and insecure on your wedding day, you are not a person with a loving heart or a living soul. Otherwise you _are_ always confident and strong! Treat yourself to this very special feeling of knowing you are doing the right thing and still having doubts you are the best, the only one for the person you love! That's only showing how much he really means to you, isn't it?” Steve blinked, thinking about those words for a moment. He jerked up his head in surprise. "I think you are right! Was it the same with you and mom?” Tony laughed.

"Later, take some minutes to talk to Uncle Jim and take Sam with you so he can hear he's had a much more chilled best-man job with you than Rhodey did with me. I was a wreck. Because in contrast to you, I was not strong and not at all confident in my life. Until I've met your mother, I've been drifting around nonsensically. I've felt so much below her value, while you are firm in your personality, always been, and true to your principles, up to today and you've done so much for Bucky. You're doing everything to make him happy! And you'll go on with that forever. Believe in yourself, everyone in your life has been doing it for so long, my boy.” Steve beamed at his father.

"Thanks, Dad! That's been ... a real eye-opener. You've helped me a lot. I ... l love you.” Tony smiled softly. "I love you too, Steve. Now get out of here getting your reward for being exemplary: Bucky Barnes, the prettiest man on the planet! Well, a tight second after Thor, but anyway.” Steve had to laugh and hugged his father spontaneously. Tony Stark was happy about the rare testimony of love returning the hug firmly with overjoy. After collecting Sam, they went to the limousine, where Tony quickly did a perfect bow tie out of a coal-colored strip of silk around his son's neck. Steve asked: “It's half an hour's drive. Are you going to tell me again when you've decided to get married, you and mom?” Sam looked up from his phone with interest. This promised definitely an interesting story. Tony leaned back comfortably. "This is not the most romantic of all stories, but we like it, so well!"

*

The embassy limousine would pull up in a few minutes. "Shouldn't my parents be with me today?" Bucky asked Shuri quietly in the hall where they were waiting. She took a deep breath. "Bucky Barnes, your parents have done only one thing of value in their lives: getting you into this world. We have to be thankful to them, all of us to know you. Especially me and Steven of course!" Bucky chewed on the inside of his cheek. "But when even your own parents don't care enough to attend your wedding …" Shuri turned to him, grabbing his upper arms:

"Bucky, listen to me now: I've come to this strange, big country when I was 14. To your exclusive school, which was immensely scary! I was homesick, I hated the skyscrapers and countless cars and the crowds as much as fearing them. I would never have dared to dream of meeting someone here in this terrible country who will be such an awesome friend to me like you are. Making me laugh, think and - and this is important now - care! I used to be snotty thinking nothing could throw me off the track. Feelings – pah! Sentimental nonsense! And then there was you! You've touched me!

I've felt with you, cared for you, wanted to know what you think, whether you are well. I've felt taken seriously by you as a person with feelings I did not want to have in the first place! Because you were the first person to try: namely to break through my wall of snottiness and sarcasm. The first one who wasn't squeamish about my nasty way, but laughing at it! Bucky Barnes, my white wolf, I love you for what you are and for what your friendship has made of me!” Bucky stared at her. Swallowing hard he asked in a thick voice:

"The makeup _is_ waterproof, isn't it?" Shuri laughed a little, teary too, coming out like half a sob. She nodded. "I'm sorry - so sorry your parents don't want to celebrate this day with you, their loss, but you have someone by your side, apart from Steven, of course, who truly loves you.” Bucky swallowed hard again hugging her stormily. Shuri broke away laughing. “Pull yourself together and don't cry. The makeup _is_ waterproof, but not preventing red eyes.” “I love you, Shuri.” “And I love you. I'll worthily represent those who are missing.” Bucky smiled affectionately at her, tilting his head. At that moment the car pulled up ...


	93. "Will you be my co-CEO?"

**"Will you be my co-CEO?"**

Tony Stark's voice was nostalgic when he started to tell the tale... "It was a memorable evening in November 2001. The boys were all with me again and we had a lot to tell each other ..."

("And how's it going with Pepper?" Tony's eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. "She's awesome, just the most fantastic kick-ass woman in the world." "Don't screw up," Rhodey said dryly. "I don't want to sweep up the wreckage." "She'll be Mrs. Anthony Stark, mark my words."

Tony's cell phone rang somewhere in the living room. Oh there, on the mantelpiece. He answered the call calmly.

"Yes?"

"Is that Mr. Anthony Stark speaking?" A business-like voice, cool and serious. Tony took a stance.

"On the phone."

"New York City Memorial Hospital, Nurse Pamela, Sir. Virginia Potts has identified you as her emergency contact. There was an accident. "

Tony went pale, his knees gave way. His friends jumped up in alarm.

"She's fine, don't worry, but she needs help with the formalities," the nurse soothed.

"I'll be right there!" Tony managed to pull out and turned to his friends. "Help me!" He groaned.

*

"Tony!" Pepper sobbed holding out her arms towards him. Yikes! Pepper _sobbed_? Genghis Khan's female reincarnation?

Tony had finally gotten to Pepper in her room. There had previously been a lot of discussion and bureaucratic hurdles. Overzealous nurses and doctors tested Tony's patience and, unfortunately, also questioned his legitimacy as an emergency contact. After the question if him being a family member had annoyed him once too often, he simply said 'I'm her husband'. That worked.

She looked a bit scuffed, but otherwise very healthy. No plaster casts, no infusions, no monitor monitoring.

"Pep, how are you?" They kissed. “Not much has happened, but it could have been so much worse. Tony, I feel terrible! "" What's happened, darling? I'm going to kill the guy. Of course not literally. It's been a guy at all?” “Tony." Pepper interrupted him seriously. "It's been my fault, I've run in front of his scooter. I've been in thought ... ". Tony eyed his girlfriend worriedly. She no longer sounded like his resolute Pepper Potts. The door opened and a doctor in his mid-50s, balding with a level-headed smile, entered.

"Mrs Potts, I notice your husband's finally at your side." Tony didn't even blink. Pepper must have used the same trick as he did. "Nice to meet you, Mister Potts! I am Dr Andrews and I can assure you your wife will be fully recovered in no time.”

Tony felt boundless relief at his words, which matched Pepper's appearance. Why she still looked so shaken was a mystery to him. But then:

"And the baby is fine too. It's all right, Mr Potts!” The Doctor beamed at him.

Silence followed.

"Surprise!" Pepper whispered in agony. Tony spun around looking her in the eye. He had a thousand questions, but not really either. They loved each other. They were sleepping together. Perhaps they sometimes forgot a condom in their heated impatience. "Tony ... what are you saying?" Pepper whispered anxiously.

"Marry me!" The doctor cleared his throat, Tony added quickly: "Again," with a wink at Pepper.

She was beaming.

*

They didn't get married immediately. Pepper did not want to have a stomach at her own wedding, nor did she want to have to do without champagne. Her engagement was announced and Pepper got a media focus she hadn't seen coming in her worst nightmares. Tony Stark was a person of public interest. His story, from child prodigy to youngest CEO in the business world, the tragic loss at a young age, the rapid rise of Stark Industries after his takeover. Tony Stark, who in a few years would have turned a weapons technology company into the world's leading entertainment electronics and communications technology company, probably the most sought-after bachelor in New York and beyond, would get married! The press pounced on this sensation like vultures.

Tony had advised Pepper not to give interviews. That was only fine with her, because her private life was none of the media's business. Soon the hacks began to sniff and do research. Her high school and college yearbook photos were published, paparazzi were waiting for her, dozens of 'close' friends told tabloids about the Virginia Potts they had known in her youth. An ambitious girl with the strong will to get somewhere. Often, those 'articles'got smug by suggesting having a multimillionaire get oneself pregnant would fall under the 'getting somewhere' category.

Tony was beside himself every time and very sad. He knew even though Pepper suffered secretly, she put a brave front holding her head up high. She stoically endured the bodyguard who now accompanied her with every step to keep her from the most enthusiastic and obstrusive reporters. He was so proud of her. He twisted his mind for what he could do to make it easier for her.

Pepper was grateful to him for any attempt to comfort, distract, or cheer her up. He set up a gorgeous children's room with her in his penthouse apartment asking her to redesign the whole apartment according to her wishes. It would be her home now, in the end. And when she looked around the nursery, she was filled with happiness and joy and love. She and Tony loved each other deeply, they belonged together and the hype would go around at some point.

The fact she was always compared with the supermodels and actresses with whom Tony had previously dated, hurt her more than she wanted to admit. And when he got that out of her one day, he sat down with her in front of a large mirror, explaining and showing her very emphatically and convincingly how beautiful she was for him. And if she wanted everyone to know _he_ could give interviews, he wasn't afraid of the press. Pepper hesitated and promised to think about it. "I've got an idea!" Tony called the next evening. Pepper looked at him questioningly. "We're doing a home story!" Her eyes grew big and round, then her eyebrows went together.

"It's a very terrible idea!" "No, honey, not at all. We're gonna show the curious losers who can't let their noses out of other people's lives what they want to see. You're inviting a few magazines to watch the conversion of my bachelor's apartment into a home, I'm going to hire the best photographers so no one has to reprint your junior high photo, what did you actually think about the black hair?" he teased her.

"How do you imagine such a home story when it happens in your home?" She smiled now, infected by his enthusiasm. "Well, you are the charming hostess, a bit shy because so many important people of the press are interested in you. You'll get them wrapped around your little finger, for sure. And I am the one getting them under your spell even more. Rude, arrogant, insufferable know-it-all, you know me. Only: I will of course shower _you_ with attention and charm in their presence, demonstrating my tender and deeply felt devotion. "

"Since when have you been such a good actor?" "I don't have to act _that_ , my dear." "I think you have to be practicing a little," she replied mischievously, a seductive shine in her eyes. Tony played resignation to a fate: "Yes, Miss Potts, as you wish. How good you're always reminding me of my tasks. What would I do without you?” “You're not getting anywhere with flattery, Mr. Stark. You really can't avoid this right now.” He didn't want to either...

The home story was a success - for Pepper. She was _everybody's darling_ for a few weeks, highly praised for her charming nature, her graceful demeanor, her modesty and her sparkling spirit. In addition, the photographer had got the very best out of her getting her just right and gorgeous in her natural beauty, blossoming from motherhood and beaming with happiness. After she could face any comparison to Tony's earlier love affairs. Nobody made digs at her anymore, everyone was convinced Virginia 'Pepper' Potts had taken Tony Stark's spoiled heart by storm with now holding on to it tightly with her tender fist and he only was overjoyed.

They spent Pepper's 28th birthday in Paris, having attached two nights to a conference in Amsterdam and Tony rented a carriage for a romantic city tour. With red cheeks and sparkling eyes, she later sat across from him in their suite with a candlelight dinner and asked, "What would you like to name our baby?" He noticed she had obviously been thinking about it for a while and was surprised she'd never said anything. During prenatal diagnostics they had asked not to know the sex of the baby and now there were two names to decide on for them.

“I would like to name a girl after my mother. Maria. We can use your mother's as a second name. I think Maria Greta Stark sounds very peppy.” They decided early on they wanted 'Stark' as a family name. Pepper had never been happy with her last name. She wasn't even sure whether she wanted to keep it herself or not, rather accepting his name. Tony had assured her it was entirely up to her. Pepper's face darkened a little. "What is it, honey, don't you like the name?" "I had a Maria in high school and go on, call her my archenemy, the wording's a good match. But I'm respecting your wish to name your daughter after your mother. "

"Well, we can change the order. Greta Maria Stark is also very pretty.“ „With “Stark” everything sounds good! “, She laughed. "Well, no. Think of: Marc or Clark, that would sound stupid." "Don't tell me you want to name a boy after Superman: _Clark,_ " she grimaced.” “I've got no idea for a boy so far, do you?” "Indeed, even several: Cerberus or Odin or what do you think of Hamlet?" Tony didn't make a face, although he was horrified inside. But today was her birthday and she was pregnant, too, he couldn't tell her how he thought about the name of a Danish prince, whose life is marked by dark feelings of revenge and terrible tragedies, for his child.

"Or you choose for a girl since you don't like Maria and I can choose the name for a boy," he said thoughtfully, as if it were just a way to think. Pepper saw through him. "Anthony Edward Stark, are you going to fool me around manipulating me. I know you a little too well for that, dear.” “Are you mad, honey?” “Only if you try to trick me or being dishonest with me.” “I don't like the name Hamlet.” “Well, why not just like that in the first place?”, she laughed. She wasn't mad, she was too happy for that.

Tony grinned mischievously at her: "Will I have a daughter named Ophelia or Brunhyld?" She tossed her napkin at his head. "You are impossible, Tony! Although I really like Brunhyld. And she was a strong woman. But as a first name, that's not _that_ pretty I think.” “And what what would you consider pretty?” “Hela. Hela Brunhyld Stark. Not bad, is it?” In fact, he liked her choice for a girl much better. "Not bad at all! So that's settled: This time the boy's name's coming from my think tank and when the baby's a girl, her name's Hela Brunhyld.” “I think you've blindsided me a little bit in that, but ... ", she interrupted herself, looking at him with huge eyes. "Honey?" "You've said 'this time'." He thought quickly, his face still.

With grabbing for the non-alcoholic champagne to top up her glass, he wanted to save some time. He didn't know if Pepper, like him, wanted a big family. Her job was very important to her and if she wanted to practice it with the energy and care she was used to, it would be difficult to raise more than one child. Pepper, of course, felt something was going on in him, waiting patiently for his often exuberant thoughts to be sorted. Sometimes a genius had too much in mind. "Honey, I've been thinking about something." "Aren't you always doing so?" She laughed. He looked at her indignantly: "So please, you know very well from your own experience this can be turned off in a very pleasant way from time to time." Pepper giggled blushing.

"Well, what I've actually wanted to ask: When would you like to work again after maternity leave? We should plan this in time finding us a suitable person to act as a nanny. This can be time-consuming at times.” “I ... well, now that you've mentioned this, I have to admit, I've also thought coming up with an idea that fascinates me but also scares me a little.” “Why haven't you said anything?” She chewed embarrassed on her lower lip. "Well ... I haven't anything because this idea's robbing you of your personal assistant." Tony looked at her for a few moments before taking a deep breath: "I totally understand when you, as my wife, no longer want to work for me. This can cause problems we don't want to have. Of course I can't imagine anyone doing it as fantastically as you do, but you've got my full support with anything you ...” “Tony! Stop. You're babbling.” He closed his mouth with an audible pop.

"I actually don't want to work _for_ you anymore as your wife. But I want to work _with_ you. For that I have to study again. Doing my master's degree in economics, perhaps with public relations as a minor. My college education is simply not proficient for this task.” Tony was briefly speechless. Pepper misunderstood. "I mean ... of course only if you want me to, I've just thought we were such a good team and if I could acquire knowledge of a few mechanisms in the harsh business world and on the slippery floor of public relations, then we could work together so much more well and ...” “Pep! Stop! You're babbling. “, He imitated her a wording from a few minutes before. Pepper had to laugh. Then she got serious again: "What do you say?" Tony's look and his expression became very soft and affectionate.

"Pepper. My wonderful Miss Potts, sun and stars to my eyes, head shoelace-tier and walking database of all my relevant data like social security number. Pep, that's the most fantastic idea I#ve heard in my life! The two of us, together as CEOs of Stark Industries. That is ... that will scare the business world to their core. We're gonna take them by storm, honey. The whole world!” His eyes sparkled and he beamed all over his face. "I haven't thought I could love you more than before, but I was taught better and it's not easy to teach a genius of a better. Even though you are the only person capable to do this regularly. You, my enchanting, incomparable Miss Potts, future Mrs Stark or whatever you like best, make me the happiest man in the world, a thousand times over and more. ”

Pepper laughed a little shakily, there were a few sobs in-between too, and Tony got up quickly, circling the table to get on one knee next to her. Taking her hands in his he looked up at her, love and devotion clearly written on his face: "Pepper, will you be my co-CEO?" She giggled a little sniffy nodding violently. In tears she answered: "Yes, Mr. Stark. A thousand times, sir.” They kissed intimately for a while. The baby kicked his mother into her ribs and she quickly pressed Tony's hand into place and both of them sighed at their baby's kicks. After the Paris trip, Pepper enrolled in an exclusive university which offered home-schooling and made Tony very happy with the suggestion to use the next six years to start a 'real' family with more than one child.

On the night of July 4th, Pepper went into labor. It was the baby's calculated date of birth. So their first-born was an eager-beaver. When the boy was born at around eight in the morning announcing very energetically how unhappy he was about these circumstances, Tony pressed his lips to his exhausted but overjoyed fiancee's sweaty forehead whispering: "So far you've been the best, that happened to me in life and now you are two best things that happened to me in life You make me the happiest man on earth.

When he later got his son laid into his arms after the first meal in his young life, wrapped in a fluffy sky-blue bath towel, he looked down at the tiny face with the steep fold between the delicate, yet strongly accented eyebrows vowing this tiny human would never be harmed in life, as long as he even had one single breath in his body.

His firstborn was given the unpretentious name Steven Howard Stark, which was not really a surprise. Maria Greta Stark would have followed an old family tradition to name the firstborn after their grandparents. Peppers Dad's name was Steven ...

With their wedding, they waited until Steve's first birthday, had one huge party weekend for this event, American Independence Day and their wedding, getting off to Italy after for their honeymoon. Steve stayed with Pepper's parents, both of whom were still alive at the time.

They came back with two more things than they had left with. One thing was an accurately trimmed beard sported by Tony. Pepper had a weakness for it. The other thing was Thor, still very, very tiny and unnoticed by his parents yet…

(Today)

Steve had to clear a tear out of the corner of his eye, the story _was_ romantic, he thought, in the crazy way suiting his extraordinary parents. Sam pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. Steve frowned: "What?" "You were an illegitimate child?" Tony smiled, Steve turned a little pink. "So what?" "Oh, junior, admit it: you were shocked." "I was ten at the time!" "Did you snoop around in the papers?" "Of course not, if I'd been this kind of child, I would have found out way before the age of ten, wouldn't I?” “Tell me!” Sam cried out curiously.

“It was at the garden party, on my 10th birthday. Uncle Bruce asked Mom how they had spent their wedding day. She said something about romantic dinner and boat trip, I didn't listen very attentively, but then Bruce said something like 'Pep, time flies by, it's been nine years already!' and I corrected him automatically. 'But Uncle Bruce, Mom and Dad have certainly been married for over ten years, today's my tenth birthday'. Poor Uncle Bruce blushed violently at that, just like my mother did by the way ... and that was the day I had to find out I was an illegitimate child." Sam laughed out loud, Tony grinned broadly and Steve also gave in, laughing good-naturedly.

At the age of ten he hadn't found it so funny while he was reading so many old obsolete storys and history books, where someone like him was called 'bastard'. He got over it. It was particularly helpful when his future best friend after they had known each other for some time, told him his parents had "had to marry". Concerned about this way of wording, he asked his parents for a conversation where they could convincingly assure him he had been the most welcome and wonderful surprise of their whole life. That was also the first time Tony Stark thought about the family dynamics of his eldest son's old crony and how they apparently were speaking to their only child, a nice, intelligent boy with good manners ...

A Home Story

A very Special Moment 


	94. The art of Marriage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The day is here! 
> 
> For inspiration, here have the links to some of the music that's played (I highly recommend the canon, I've been listening to it while working on this chapter a lot - it's getting one in the mood...:
> 
> [Pachelbel's Canon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlprozGcs80)
> 
> [A Thousand Years](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfkPPvlXA84)
> 
> [Winter/Let It go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Dakd7EIgBE)
> 
> [Suite of Ratatouille](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We3ht-BskBk)

********************************************************************************

****

**'The Art of Marriage'**

It was agreed they would wait in the two small rooms behind the hall, separately, after all they mustn't see each other before the wedding ceremony which is - according to superstition - bringing bad luck. When all the guests were seated and T'Challa ready for the ceremony, Sam and Shuri would bring them two together in front of their officiant ...

The small yacht, which was moored in New York Bay, supposed to go out on the water during the ceremony, had the large hall, in the front area where the ceremony was held and where, after removing the guest chairs, a dance floor was created. The buffet and tables for the wedding lunch were set up in the rear area. The ceremony took place under a simple wooden arc, which was hung with flowing white and blue fabric and fairy lights and illuminated at the foot with numerous candles and ship lanterns. A glittering white carpet symbolized snow, this was Bucky's winter wedding after all. As if by chance, flower arrangements of white branches with blue and white callas and gerberas were distributed.

Thor had outdone himself - or rather, the best florist in his files. Another predominant theme was silvery sparkling tiny five-pointed stars and crystal snowflakes. The 14-year-old Peter had been appointed chief technician and provided the background music for the event as well as the appropriate lighting for the room using an app. He was very proud and happy! A special highlight on the yacht was a luxurious cabin with a huge four-poster bed and a spacious bathroom for the wedding night. Bucky's and Steve's wash bags and change clothes had already been taken there by Sam and Shuri. When the two of them looked around a little, they suddenly giggled understandingly.

"Decadent, isn't it?" "I don't know, quite humble for a millionaire like Steven. This is a very small boat.” Sam smirked looking at the pillars of the four-poster bed. "Will the bonds of marriage find their first use in this?" "Samuel! I'm scandalized ...“ Shuri looked at him in shock. Sam was startled "I..I'm sorry ...", she interrupted him with a resounding laugh: "... scandalized about you even questioning it!" Sam stared briefly before having to laugh out loud too. After the celebration, the yacht would moor again and everyone but the happily married couple would leave the boat ...

Sharon was tasked with telling Sam and Shuri the right time. In their respective rooms, Bucky and Steve paced up and down, while both Sam and Shuri tried to exude as much calm and serenity as possible. Thank God this wouldn't take long. It was a small wedding, with only around 30 people getting in their chairs in no time. It was only a matter of a few minutes. The grooms and their besties already heard the first notes of their entry, Pachelbel's Canon in D major. Four minutes into the wonderful and famous wedding march, Sam and Shuri received their respective messages and both took their protégés by the arm to gently but firmly all the same lead them to their bliss.

A murmur went through the crowd when everyone finally got a good look at the grooms. They were stunning. Finally facing each other was bringing them lovers a glow to their eyes and a warm fire inside. Both of them soaked up the sight of the other one, their lips slightly open, full of admiration and very much in love ... they lost each other for a full minute with everyone holding their breath. Steve and Bucky sparkled with love! T'Challa, solemn in his traditional robe, softly cleared his throat so they turned to him, their hands folding between them. T'Challa said, "I am very happy to be here to welcome everyone, especially you, my dear friends Steven and Bucky." They nodded gratefully.

“Love is the partnership of two unique people, one of whom brings out the best of the other. And even though they both know their partner is a wonderful person in and of themselves, they also know that together they are even better, perfect. This is especially true for these two people here, whom we love and who are our family, our friends, our brothers.

Bucky and Steve, you want to get married. You have loved each other dearly and for a long time and now you want to seal this bond in front of all of us with the one last declaration of love you have never made before: 'See, beloved, I show and tell the whole world that I belong to you and want to be with you forever.'"

Bucky's fingers trembled lightly in Steve's, making him squeeze them gently and comfortingly.

"For you life together you've chosen marriage. But what is marriage? The great Wilferd Arlan Peterson speaks to all of us in his poem 'The Art of Marriage':

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.

A good marriage must be created.

In marriage, small things are big things ...

It means never being too old to hold hands.

It means not to forget to say 'I love you' every day.

It means never falling asleep angry at each other.

It means never taking the other for granted at any time.

Courtship cannot end with a honeymoon,

it must never end.

It means having the same sense of values and common goals.

It means keeping together to face the world - _together_.

It means building a haven of love for you and those who love you.

It means doing things for the other, not as a duty, not as a sacrifice, but always in joy of giving.

It means giving words of appreciation and expression of gratitude, always thoughtfully and never random.

It means not looking for perfection in the other.

It must be a common search for the good and beautiful in you, in yourself, for you.

And yet each of you shall enjoy the same independence, just as you both shall remain aware of the obligation for each other and against yourself.

The art is not to marry the right partner, the art of marriage is to _be_ the right partner."

T'Challa bowed his head briefly to let the poem take effect. Steve and Bucky had been holding hands all the time, often squeezing stealthily, or one of them had glanced over to the other briefly. Their old friend's words were true and right and they would honor them, this was what the hold of their hands promised. When T'Challa looked up again, he smiled encouragingly:

"I'm asking you first, Steven Howard Stark, tell me true and heart-felt, will you take James Buchanan Barnes to your husband, to be with him as his friend and lover?"

"Yes I will."

And you, James Buchanan Barnes, will you take Steven Howard Stark to your husband as his friend and lover fulfilling an innermost wish? ”

"I will! Yes I will."

"You've both stated and we've heard. The power vested in me, I declare you to be legally married according state and law. And as I know the two of you very well... You may kiss each other now...” T'Challa smiled.

Both shivered a little when Steve grabbed Bucky's upper arms to pull him close with Bucky's hands cupping Steve's cheeks. They looked into each other's shimmering eyes, a little breathless and time seemed to stand still. "St-stevie ..." "Bucky." And finally, finally their lips met, fitting together like two puzzle pieces like they always did, nestled perfectly into one another for a long, tender, soulful (and G-rated) kiss. Everyone sighed. Handkerchiefs were pulled out and all the couples among them, who were sitting together, held hands, squeezing.

When Sam and Sharons eyes met they nodded at each other understandingly. We are next! Bucky and Steve reluctantly broke apart laughing a little, teary-eyed. The wedding guests did not agree all day on whom had to wipe away a tear first, and Steve, knowing it was himself, had his fun with their acted cluelessness ... T'Challa asked for attention again: "And would you now like to say special words to each other while giving something by way of a pledge as a sign of your deep bond?" Steve began:

"I, Steven Howard Stark, take you, James Buchanan Barnes - _Bucky_ \- to my husband, friend and lover. I will be yours in times of prosperity and need, in times of illness and health, in times of joy and grief, in times of failure and success. I promise to honor and love you, to always be devoted to you and to always find the strength to keep you from suffering, to always support you in everything you do and always to stay with you, to love you until forever.” Sam gave him the plain white gold ring and he slipped it onto Bucky's left ring finger. Bucky smiled at him with wet eyes. After, he said:

"Steve, I promise to always be your best friend, to support and respect you, to always work with you on your goals, to always be by your side, steadfast there to help you achieve everything you may wish. I promise to love you unconditionally and to share my life with you, forever only with you. I put my heart and love in pawn to you for the rest of my life and I can only hope you'll never give me back any of it. I, Bucky Barnes, take you, _Stevie_ , to my husband. I also promise to always laugh at your stupid jokes!"

Their friends and family giggled and even more after Steve's reply:

"I'm making an attachment to my vow: You are a jerk! ” Shuri held out the narrow gold ring to Bucky, which Bucky put on Steve's left ring finger. Peter, who had been initiated into the process, had already started the next piece of music a few seconds ago, which was slowly getting louder: an enchanting piano and cello cover by Christina Perri's 'A Thousand Years'.

"Kiss me again, you punk!" Steve was only too happy to do that.

The wedding guests all rose applauding, there were cheers and vivats and a lot of laughter. A rain of confetti, held in white, silver and blue, fell on the kissing couple. Then, as the two of them separated from each other after for what felt like an eternity, everyone rushed to congratulate them. There was a mess and some chaos, but nobody found anything bad in it, it was lovely! Many a long-cherished secret mini-dream came true. Able to finally snatch a kiss from Bucky were: Pietro, his sister, their mother (!) and his new mother-in-law. Bucky got one from Thor, leaving him a bit smitten.

Shuri had long wished to get handful of Steve's biceps to compare it to them of her strong boyfriend. She was left unsatisfactorily indecisive afterwards. Elaine Sherman, whose husband Ricky had been quarterback at their shared high school when she fell in love with him, did not miss the opportunity to give Steve a warm hug and a little bit of a squeeze. Lila Barton, who had been in love with all the Stark boys (except Peter, due to his young age) at some point in her life, kissed Steve's cheeks and after a shrug his mouth. Her mother, feeling for Steve and all of his brothers as her nephews pinched Bucky's butt a bit when she hugged him... Nobody took any offense. Steve and Bucky simply _were_ adorable ... and looking outstanding!

Steve's suit was a classic, coal-colored, the same with vest and bow tie, but had modern elements such as striking buttons on a white shirt and an unconventionally low-cut vest. He was wearing a white pocket square and shining shoes. Bucky's dark anthracite-colored suit with the narrow silk lapel was simple and - like most of his clothes – fitting tailored. The button placket on his white shirt was hidden and his usual extravagance was evident in the baroque, playful and yet subtle embroidery on his white vest and bow tie. His jacket had no breast pocket. For this, a white crystal five-pointed star ornament adorned the chest on the left side, near his heart. Instead of suit shoes, he wore ankle-high boots in black, decorated with riveted straps. His tight pants were tugged in giving his formal outfit a daring touch …

Steve's hair was fairly short at the time and therefore rather light brown than blonde and Bucky's mane, with the help of Shuri's 'magical' hair oil a bit darker than usual, was combed out of his face, but what a face it was! As Shuri had predicted, her masterly make-up emphasized all of Bucky's A-plus features perfectly, and Steve actually wondered why Bucky seemed to him so familiar and yet so mysterious - almost like an enigma! Both were, which rarely happened at the same time, smooth-shaved and although each of them found any different stages of facial hair attractive on the beloved man, it was also nice for both when their lips came out so well. Both Bucky and Steve adored each other's mouths!

In the meantime, a sophisticated piece of music was playing combining Vivaldi's 'Winter' with Disney's 'Let It Go'. The latter had meant a lot to Bucky many years ago on his rocky road to Steve's heart. Champagne corks popped, opened by Tony, Rhodey and Pepper - an expert - and everyone toasted. The crowd were spreading out around the tables, the 'cabin boys', two college students, cleared the rows of seats and the caterer set up the buffet. Bucky and Steve went to the patio with their photographer, who had already taken hundreds of pictures during the ceremony having their couple's pictures taken.

They were photographed in the honeymoon cabin and at the bow, windswept and with pink cheeks and a bit snazzy but very romantic in life jackets in a lifeboat. After they joined their wedding guests. The photographer would stay a while longer to take atmospheric pictures of them with all their loved ones ... The subtle music in the background was now one of their Disney playlists - but worthy of the occasion in orchestral versions. They walked hand in hand in front of their wedding party, thanking everyone for being with them on this important day and opened the buffet. Their table was at the narrow end of the salon where they were placed with Sam and Sharon, as well as Shuri, T'Challa and Nakia. Their guests and the newlyweds started to feast ...

Shuri got up after the first round of appetizers tapping her glass with a knife. All heads turned to her. "Is everyone enjoying themselves? I don't really want to change this, but I have to give a speech and get this over with. But I'm warning you all, I'm a terrible speaker. When Bucky asked me if I wanted to be his best girl for his wedding, I've only had one strong feeling to be found in me" she paused shortly, "a panic attack! So I've made up my mind about all the duties American bridesmaids have. Yes, Bucky, you can throw me a murderous glance, no one will take it from you today!", they smiled at each other. "I know you are not a bride, tsas, so touchy. And I quickly realized my job is almost the same as Samuel's. First and foremost, making sure neither of them two crazy people's doing something crazy again – true story, ask Samuel, we've been on the red phone all the time, so to speak.” Sam nodded and there were some laughs.

"But what can I say? We are all here, the two of them are here and they _are_ married. Samuel and I have done a good job, haven't we?” Applause rose. “If anyone's ever again asking me if I want to be best girl, I won't get a panic attack anymore. The job was doable. But that's unlikely anyway. I'm only _his_ best girl. Thank you, Bucky. It's been great fun, especially buying your suit. No lie: No one can change clothes as quickly as him!” , Everyone laughed again. It was too early for a joke like 'get rid of clothes'. "And Steven! Make him happy, I dare you I. I have a whole guard of fierce warriors behind me in doubt!” Shuri sat down again and Bucky pulled her to his heart, kissing her on the head. She dabbed away a tear in the corner of his eye with her - still unused - napkin. This touching scene ensured the somewhat restrained applause to get a little warmer.

Between the second starter and the first main course, Sam knocked on his glass getting up. "Though we've already had the highlight of rhetoric, I may speak to you now. I mean, come on: My co-bestie has already touched on all romantic topics in her heart-rending speech: panic attacks, murderous glances and fierce warriors. What is left for me?” There was a lot of laughter. Sam was speaking very well. “When I was new to Sanctuary High in September 2016 the first thing Steve had said to me was something like: 'Your insight into the unconstitutional methods of excluding blacks and Latin Americans from the right to vote has been sound and very convincing. If you want to, let's talk about it over lunch in the cafeteria.' I was speechless. Steve must have been the only one listening to me and he was genuinely interested in what I had to say about the matter! If I had known at the time that he likes handsome men, I might have thought: 'Clever pick-up line!'” Everyone laughed again.

“But luckily he was actually interested in my political views and we quickly made friends through our common hobby. We have come a long way since then. The best, I can say of me.", His look briefly went for Sharon," and I can say of Steve. The best way. “, He stepped behind Steve and Bucky, squeezed his best friend's shoulder while putting his arm with the microphone in hand around Buckys neck. "Today is a happy day and I just love these two crazy people and - more importantly, they love each other like crazy." Sam put a smack on the cheek of both of them getting down again with applause.

After the dessert, all the guests were more than stuffed, the children in the play corner or taking a nap, Bucky and Steve went to tip the serving boys and girls, after which they presented their in a private dance tutorial specially perfected arts at the opening couple dance. Steve went to the micro stand:

"Dear Ones! Now you have to go through it, we're opening the dance and whoever's seen us together on our first ball back then, stumbling over our large feet... ”, their old high school friends laughed at the memory, “...let's get you all staggered! Funnily enough, I've had a dance with a stag-like creature on said ball. A most charming reindeer, to be precise... If you don't know the story yet, we're available for conversation again later." Bucky came up to him taking the microphone: "We had an acriminious scissors-rock-paper battle to fight out about whom of us has got the honor to lead our performance of the best wedding dance there is, the slow waltz. What can I say? I've got too much luck in love, of course I've lost and had to learn the waltz steps of the lady and some submissive dance behavior - with clenched teeth ... I'm actually the better dancer of us, but rule's rule. Paper gets the stone all wrapped, just like Stevie's doing with me around his little finger.", He winked. A curious circle had formed around the dance floor to watch Steve and Bucky going to the center.

Bucky was in a somewhat shy pose, head tilted, looking from below at Steve, who was about six yards away from him. Peter started the agreed music, The theme of Disney's 'Ratatouille' which was in three-four time. Steve raised his left arm curling his forefinger exaggeratedly. Bucky turned his head to the left, walking towards his husband with two long dragging steps, putting his right hand in his left. Steve's right arm made a sweeping bow, his hand firmly on his back just below Bucky's shoulder blade. He ran his left arm from Steve's elbow to his upper arm letting his hand rest there. Steve resolutely pulled his body against his own, into the famous close contact of this dance. After they floated off, in the basic step, taking dreamy circles, Steve up straight and self-confident with his head held high, a swollen chest and outstretched elbows, Bucky a little softer, more flexible, leaning back a little, trustingly and with his head tilted to the side, revealing the vulnerable side of his neck. Traditional formal dance was pretty sexist!

The in its basic step going around in right-sided turns relatively simple dance and therefore so popular for weddings was of course not enough for ambitious people (or tell it show-offs) like Steve and Bucky and when the music swelled somewhat in intensity, they made the first turn to the left, their performance instantly giving the desired drama when Bucky tossed his head around with changing direction, this movement loosened up first strands of his somewhat sophisticated (adult, mature) hairstyle making them fall into his face. Steve's body was still perfectly straight and dignified, but the soft expression blossoming in his face at the sight caused some sighs. Another turn to the right was followed by a promenade, hips pressed together with their eyes lost in each other's. At the end of which Steve briefly released Bucky to turn himself out of the movement, only to pull him domineeringly again the next moment, chest to chest, so tight there could no sheet of paper fit in between, they paused for half a beat.

After Steve went on with his steps again, powerfully, his right leg making the first of the sequence between Buckys. Holding onto his man close to him, he pushed him backwards for two beats without turning, upper body now slightly leaned over the smaller one, no longer straight with Bucky a little more bent over the hand on his back, his head dropped to the back. The next turn made Bucky change his line of sight dramatically again and even more strands developed a life of their own ... Their audience was thrilled. What an energetic wedding dance!

A few changes of direction and promenades, some swerving and changing turns later, Bucky's hairstyle had completely given up and he looked adorabley They were whirling around towards the climax of their dance in tight circles, long forgotten was the strict dance posture. Steve's hand had slipped into Bucky's small of the back holding him tightly while Bucky's hand was curled around Steve's neck. Their hands holding each other's were clasped tightly. For the finale of the dance, Bucky stiffened his whole body, taking one or two hesitant steps away from Steve, who didn't let go of his hand, but hinting to give his body free... Bucky glanced briefly to the side, straightened his shoulders doing again two dance steps, this time towards Steve whom caught him in again. After, he bent Bucky over his right arm, making his back arch gracefully, limbs relaxed, the whole of him surrendering trustingly to Steve crouching over him, deeply down, to press his lips where the top button of his shirt met skin. The music died off...

For some seconds it was dead silent, Steve and Bucky remained in their final pose, waiting for applause rising from their guests. Steve pulled Bucky up laughing. Bucky laughed too kissing his chin. His hair was a wild mop and Steve's hairline was soaked with sweat. Additionally, both of them were half hard, unnoticed by everyone except them, but probably most suspected ... Peter started up slowly into the next track. "The dance is on!" Steve called, pulling Bucky off the dance floor. He needed badly to kiss him properly, but not 'on stage', so to speak ... They slipped away behind a pillar while their guests went dancing or sitting down again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it! Hurrah!!!


	95. 'With you 'til the end of the Line'

' **With you 'til the end of the Line** '

After an intimate and somewhat messy, breathless kiss, Steve tried to tame Bucky's hair. "Leave it be, baby, you like it that way, don't you?" "Oh yes! Our ... _that_ dance was ... With Larry and Elizabeth around I've never felt like this ... as if alone with you: all alone in the world. But 30 people've been watching us ... ", he fell silent, a little ashamed. Larry and Elizabeth were their dance teachers ... "... having vertical sex with all of our clothes on?" Bucky laughed. Steve agreed. "Exactly." He was a little red in the face. "We're married now, Stevie, we're allowed to have sex, it's even our constitutional duty." Steve laughed a little shakily. "Are you happy?"

"Happy? Am I ...? “, Bucky stared at him incredulously. "I couldn't be happier, not in a thousand lives, Steven," he said very seriously. Steve's back straightened, a warm smile spread across his face. "I feel the same way, baby, just the same. I love you, husband.” “And I love you, husband. Come on, let's socialize, it's our wedding after all.” Steve grunted and nibbled a little on Bucky's neck. "I would like to steal you away from them, be alone with you, do things to you, let you do things to me and ..." Steve's arms were wrapped around Bucky's waist, pulling him tightly against himself.

"Steve!" Bucky laughed freeing himself. "We've got host duties here! What are you like, you punk? My beloved _punk_.“, The last word came out a bit choked. Bucky's feelings had suddenly overwhelmed him. Steve hugged him tightly kissing his forehead gently. "You are my best wonderful, unique, irreplaceable husband jerk." After one last quick kiss they went back to their party. Well, they _had_ host duties.

After a couple of rounds of dancing, Steve and Bucky had gotten a little into the crowd, dancing with their guests, chatting, when Sam went to the microphone and announcing the first of the obligatory, somewhat embarrassing and silly wedding games. This was part of it, after all. Meanwhile, Sharon handed out classically designed bingo sheets and pencils to all guests. They quickly found out that the bingo boxes all had things about Steve or Bucky or both together written in them. Everyone should choose a box with something he or she had witnessed and tell a little story about it. Anyone who had experienced something comparable to them was allowed to color the field. Sam himself started.

"'Bucky and Steve are jealous because of the same person'" "Oh Sam!" Steve groaned. "I haven't invented the rules, buddy. Can I get started now? It happened like this: I was in town when this semi-famous photographer Charles Romanski published a controversial photo series of New York traffic signs in May 2027. Bucky got tickets for the opening event through one of his super top secret channels. The super top secret channel was one of the numerous bartenders in relevant New York City clubs and bars. Those're a professional group whom he just has got a hit with, no idea why.” “You're not complaining when some free cocktail comes out of this for you, Wilson!” Bucky called in between.

"Who would do such a stupid thing? Complain about free drinks?", Sam asked amused. Shuri shouted: "I know someone there. Complaining about every free cocktail Bucky gets!” There were a few hearty laughs. "Well anyway," continued Sam, "it turned out this secret channel - slash - bartender had so enthusiastically praised all of Buckys outstanding qualities so the celebrated star of lens' and aperture's heaven was desperately on the lookout for him at the event , inspecting each man's name tag in the appropriate age group. This recalls the story of Cinderella, I think: if the shoe's fitting the girl's the true bride and if the name tag's saying Bucky, then this has to be the most heavenly man on this planet.

Long story short. Romanski was hanging out with us a bit and either Bucky hasn't lived up to the huge expectations, or his name was misspelled, I don't remember his name tag, maybe photographers just prefer different men than bartenders. Though Mister wide angle _has_ been flirting with Bucky, he also has been hitting on Steve and he has even tried his luck with me. At least I think so, I'm not sure. In any case, it was a spectacle to watch our heroes in love, trying to outdo each other while eyeing each other suspiciously the same time, pouting with having heavy storm clouds hung above their heads - metaphorically. Oh, by the way, it's not quite true I don't know if he has been flirting with me too. In the end, he only smuggled his phone number in _my_ pocket. A wasted evening for Mister automatic focus. Anyone of you who's had the chance to experience something similar, go on and color this field on your bingo sheet.” The story got many laughs, but looking around, hardly any of their guests were allowed to color the field.

The next person to speak up was Loki of all people: "I choose 'Bucky or Steve is so awkward even the other one is embarrassed'." The newlyweds both looked a little anxious. Loki was embarrassed easily by a lot of things, but there were probably only a few stories that would fit into this bingo category and all of them were _really_ embarrassing. Why did people still get married when their friends went out of their way to humiliate them at their party? "It happened quite a while ago. During Spring Break in 2021, before both of them went off to college here in New York. Bucky lived with us after their short time in the US Army and father traveled to Europe with all of us, actually to Paris to visit Disneyland. Everyone also had enough opportunities to explore other European achievements.

Mother and I visited the Louvre and the Musée d'orsay. Thor went to Amsterdam for two days and I'm telling you what he was doing there at _his_ wedding.“, Loki winked and most of the guests laughed. Bucky knowing exactly what was coming was already pink in the face. He had a strong feeling much more would be said about him because he had acted the mysterious one to everyone for many years. It was just more fun to fool him than Steve, who was quite an open book. Well, there were some hearty laughs on his behalf about to come... "... Steve had planned on a surprise for Bucky and when they told us at breakfast they would be going to London via Eurostar in the afternoon for a play with David Tennant to visit, I asked if they would take me with them. You all know David Tennant? "

Agreeing murmurs, quiet explanations to those who didn't know him. “Of course they agreed to take me along, they knew the theater was my passion and I've seen David Tennant a lot in the media libraries of some theaters. He was and today still is great. The play we were supposed to watch was the re-performance of a modern production by Shakespear's 'Much Ado About Nothing'. A cheerful, somewhat sweet story with David Tennant sporting a dashing uniform in most of the acts. We had a great time and if I had been sitting next to Bucky or if I could have interpreted his signs a little better – Speaking of his bright red cheeks and shining eyes - maybe I would have wisely stayed away from the autograph session.

But even in the queue when Bucky seemed to vibrate with excitement nervously crinkling the corners of his program, he wanted it to have signed, in and out, I still had no suspicions. I came up with some intelligent questions and even wanted to tell him about Bucky's improv theater, which was a great success at our school. When it was finally our turn, I heard Bucky make a noise I had never heard of him before. I don't even know if I've ever heard it from anyone else, before or after. I don't want to try to give you an impression of this noise now, not willing to shatter the champagne glasses.”

Loki's audience listened enraptured. His speech was good and he had a way to tell a story. He made everyone laugh putting them in anticipation. Bucky had put his hand over his eyes and Steve next to him was grinning from ear to ear, chin resting in one hand, his other arm around his poor groom. Loki continued:

“The noise is quite comparable to the warning whistle of a smoke detector when the battery is low. Only it wasn't that loud, but therefore a little more lingering. After Bucky cleared his throat. Mr Tennant looked at him questioningly with raised eyebrows and the first thing Bucky, who was 20 years old at the time, said to his idol, a renowned celebrated British theater actor who was about to celebrate his 50th birthday, was: 'You can drag me into your blue box at any time, you handsome guy in a tight suit.' We were all very quiet afterwards, including Mister Tenannt.” All guests were shaking with laughter. The story was new to everyone and it was hilarious!

“And if you all think that was the highlight, oh no, Bucky in his fanboy mode had some other level, call it an upgrade, for me it was like being in a live action role-playing game of Dantes Inferno. I would have loved to sink into the ground. Steve was the first to catch himself again, bravely taking the program away from Bucky, laid it down for the actor to sign saying innocently: 'his name is Bucky, B-U-C-K-Y. He's a huge fan'." Mr. Tenannt replied dryly: 'I've figured' and after he had scribbled a few words onto the program, he held it out to Bucky with a friendly smile. He read what his star had written onto his crumpled program, namely 'Allons-y, Bucky, I'm the Doctor' - 10th, David Tennant ' Bucky was waking up from his shock again - unfortunately I have to say - and burst out a second time, this time with: "Marry me!"

The laughter grew even louder, Bucky slid down his chair another few inches, you could yet only see his head and now he had both hands over his eyes. Steve smirked as he patted his shoulder.

"I bet my brother is glad Bucky's first marriage proposal hasn't traumatized him forever and he dared to do it a second time in his life. He traumatized me but luckily not for life and since Bucky, after he had realized what he had just said, stammered a few apologies making a desperate and very abrupt exit, Steve followed him and I suddenly found myself alone with David Tennant. He signed my program as if nothing's ever happened, so I dared to ask at least one of my intelligent questions. I'm not boring you with that now, but Mister Tennant was very nice and we were chatting about drama for a few minutes. He didn't say a word about Bucky though. Well, not everyone's falling in love with him, as amazing as that may be.” He winked.

"I can hardly imagine any of you have ever witnessed such a situation with the two of them, it was also the only time in my life I have seen Bucky embarrassing himself that massively, but I am sure one or the other of you has made an experience with them, which is certainly not as epic as mine, but fulfilling the criteria for being allowed to blacken this box.” Loki bowed slightly, sitting down again with thunderous applause and a few of the guests, more than at Sam's story, colored the box of their bingo sheet.

"Baby ..." Steve whispered, his voice vibrating with amusement, "hey, it _was_ funny." Bucky gave him a sour look behind his hands, but as sweetly as his husband (!) was looking at him, he could not be mad with him. "It wasn't, I was so annoyed. I'm meeting an idol of mine once and burst out with such a nonsense!” “I'm sure he's never forgotten you!” Steve smirked. "Careful there, you punk!" He pecked his pouting man on the tip of his nose and luckily the next stories were a little more harmless for the two of them. 'Bucky or Steve cheated on a test' (Steve), 'Steve or Bucky sang drunkenly in public' (both), 'Bucky or Steve once took an injured animal to the vet' (Bucky), 'Bucky or Steve had to go to the headmaster because of a fight' (Steve).

The field 'I kissed Bucky or Steve' was dealt with briefly and painlessly by Sharon. Laughter rose when T'Challa triumphantly cried out: 'Ha!' blackening this box satisfied. 'Steve or Bucky taught me something' gave some boxes to everyone who had been taught by Bucky how to prepare a meal and to Thor because of the tutoring Steve had often given him.

Shuri had a touching story for 'Bucky or Steve made me laugh when I cried'. "I know you are all afraid of me speaking to you again, but I think you have to know this story: Sometimes I was very lonely in my high school days, far away from home with homesickness often plaguing me. In Wakanda, traditionally, all girls when they reach marriageable age - and that means when they start to … - well, you can imagine. Of course it's just a tradition. We don't give our girls into marriage at 12, as our forefathers did, but one tradition has never been abandoned and it says that marriageable girls are given their first mother goat.

My first goat was white like the moonlight and that was her name: Laryana. She was very trusting and quickly followed me everywhere in my free time, she was my best friend, smart and docile. I missed her painfully and Maman often told me in her letters Laryana was always looking for me. One day she went too far from the herd and, as is the case with many goats in Wakanda, she died a violent death. I was very sad and had to cry again and again for days and once Bucky 'caught' me. He missed me at lunch and that day his and my year would have had free work time together, and I didn't show up, he went looking for me. He found me far back in the school's garden where I was sitting on the ground, legs pulled up and arms folded with my face on my knees crying.

Bucky sat down next to me and hugged me silently for a long time. He knew what had happened, I texted him. What he didn't know was how much I was suffering. Well then he knew and after a while I burst out with 'It's my fault! I should never have left Wakanda! Then she would not have been running around looking for me and would still be alive!'. Bucky gave me a hanky and told me a story. About the pet he had lost when he was a child. I was surprised at first, I didn't know he ever had a pet! He didn't, not really. His family was stationed in Mexico when Bucky was six years old and he had secretly caught a gecko hiding it in his closet. The whole house was air conditioned and the bedrooms were very cool.

When his gecko soon hardly moved anymore, he took the thick encyclopedia of animals struggling through the text about geckos with his only recently acquired reading skills. He quickly realized it was too cold for Mister Spot - a spotted leopard gecko. So he got his mother's big hair dryer. You can imagine how it ended. I'd stopped crying for a long time because this story captivated me and when I wondered why he was telling me this now, he pinched my cheek saying: 'Because you feel responsible for the death of your goat even though it happened thousands of miles away. I, on the other hand, have, well, blown dead my gecko, Mister Spot - God bless him.' At that he made such a funny, desperate face I had to laugh.

I know this is not a funny story, but I still wanted to tell it because it shows Bucky's wonderful personality: he is a good friend and has a keen sense for finding the right words. With him, this terrible city - sorry New Yorkers - has become a second home for me. This is also a wedding, you can be crying! We've laughed a lot about the poor guy earlier. I'm very jealous I wasn't allowed to be a witness by the way!“, It was laughed a bit now. Bucky, who was placed next to Shuri with a warm smile and wet eyes, chuckled: "Well, I'm not getting of exactly lightly at this either: I blow-dried my gecko to death." "You were still very young and American hair dryers should be subject to a gun license, if you ask me, they blow everything to death if you don't pay attention!” Bucky hugged her tightly and since this was a wedding after all, a little crying with emotion was allowed.

Nobody won the bingo, because the box 'I once witnessed someone clearly keeping an eye on Bucky or Steve' had so many guests to black it out so several got a bingo row at the same time.

After the astonishingly enjoyable game, there was a new dance round and this time groom and groom danced together again. At the end Tony went to the microphone:

“My wife's now wishing for the traditional parent-child dance with her handsome son, because, as she has repeatedly emphasized, he's exactly the perfect dance size for her. A foxtrot is planned to the wonderful 'You've got a Friend in Me' from Toy Story, because that's exactly what we've always wanted to be for Steve and his brothers, alongside parents: their friends. I think we've succeeded.” Bucky looked demonstratively indifferent, but the little sad smile playing around his lips was not hidden from everyone. Shuri whispered to him, "I know I've promised you I would be a worthy substitute, but next to your graceful and elegant mother-in-law, I'd look too ridiculous. I can't dance a foxtrot at all at that. Are you mad?” “But no, princess, there's no parent-child dance for me. It's not too bad."

Steve and Pepper were already on the dance floor, but Steve, who was of course one of those who noticed Bucky was a little depressed by this special agenda item, was still hesitant. Someone who also had noticed was Tony. He took the microphone again: “There are also people for whom I am the perfect dance size. Ask my good old friend Colonel James 'Rhodey' Rhodes. He had a lot of practice with me for his highly official military balls. Of course I had to do the women's steps for that, I've always been very good at it. I'm good at everything, of course, except cooking, as a few of you, unfortunately, had to learn. And since I hope we're friends to not only our sons, but also to our first son-in-law, I hereby offer you, Bucky, my hand and my women's dance steps and my dance size, which is much certainly just perfect for you, for the parent-child dance to the right music."

The crowd applauded, Bucky looked a bit like hit with a truck, but he smiled. Natasha called: "I can dance with Bucky! I'm the perfect dance size for him, too!” Bruce shook his head slightly, clicking his tongue softly. "But he's too scared of you. I don't think he dares to take the lead on you!" Tony laughed, many fell in. "Oh, but I'm supposed to take the lead on Tony _fucking_ Stark ... sorry!" Bucky called out laughing. Steve beamed at his father then looked at his husband (!): "You took the lead on me, baby! With that last Slow Fox. And Dad is not a tank like me, child's play for you!” Tony raised his hands, palms up: "Well, Bucky?" Grinning, shaking his head and surrendering to his fate, he went to his father-in-law, bowed exaggeratedly chuckling: "May I have the pleasure?" "The pleasure's on me, my boy."

Steve and his mother as well as Bucky and Tony positioned themselves, the band counted in and off they went. The swinging melody immediately swept the two dance couples away. All four of them were good dancers and they looked amazing! Bucky had a bit of trouble with where to look at. He remembered vividly the boy crush he'd had on Tony Stark (with trying to hide awkwardly) years ago. And in the meantime, unlike then, he was very sure his father-in-law had noticed very clearly ... Tony started a light conversation after a minute:

"When you'd become a couple, a sarcastic remark from Miss Romanov made me smile. On Christmas Day in 2019 she said: 'Steve and Bucky, who would have thought..'. You know, we, Steve's parents, would have thought for years to be honest. Of course, we had to constantly adapt our level of knowledge to the events. But we had been knowing since summer of '18 in Montana.

Pepper and I have a shared story in 'Being-Meant-For-Each-Other-While-Not-Brave-Enough-To-Act'. We were overjoyed when Steve told us you'd finally spilled the beans to each other. We couldn't imagine anyone for Steve we would rather have than you. You make our son very happy, Bucky, we can't thank you enough for it.” “Th-thanks, Tony. Adapt your level of knowledge?” Bucky, who could finally look at him, asked smiling. Tony had an inimitable way of taking people's embarrassment when he wanted to.

"Well, there was some confusion. Sharon, for example, who is an awesome girl – for Sam Wilson. Or your charming boyfriend with the somewhat uncontrolled temperament.” Bucky made a face. "Or - let's call it Steve's youthful sin - the little one from the tenement with her short skirts and unfortunately just the same mind. And don't forget on the brilliant Mister Jeong from the repair shop at Stark Industries." Bucky briefly stared at his father-in-law speechless. "You've known...?", he fell silent. "Bucky, my dear new son-in-law. I've got eyes in my head and I'm a genius. But what I also registered was that this had been a somewhat very one-sided worship. You were a naughty amorist, my dear.” Bucky laughed. "My heart's always been entirely in _someone's_ hands." "And that's right about to be the very best place to be. Bucky, listen: Sometimes a marriage is not a walk and if you are looking for encouragement, your mother-in-law and I are always there for you if you're in need of some, let's call it parental advice.”

Bucky moved his father-in-law into a complicated dance move, bending him a little over his arm. "I appreciate that, D-dad." Tony laughed at him: "It's nice of you calling me that. I like it. Now stop it with the machoism. I can do the women's steps, but I'm not too big a fan of submissive dance behavior.” Bucky laughingly straightened them up again. "Yessir."

The dance ended and they were getting some applause.

The next person on the microphone was Sharon: "Hey folks, I know that there is the obligatory outrageously good looking ex of the bride at every wedding and well ... here is the person who most closely applies: my humble self.“ That was laughed at. "Sam and I have tried to find the counterpart of Bucky's only romance known to us, maybe not for today, but maybe for the bachelor party or at least for an interview for the wedding blog, but the incomparable Charlie Blackmoore – the most idolized girl at Sanctuary that time - could not be found. The only creature Bucky has ever kissed in high school except Steve...” “Don't forget about me, Sharon!” T'Challa shouted in between. "Well, then the only human being who's ever been dating Bucky in high school except Steve. But Charlie's traces got lost after she went for getting a degree in indology. During her third semester she ran away with the bass player of a mediocre-known English band.

Anyway, I've got another cute, of course embarrassing but nonetheless obligatory wedding game for you. Steve, Bucky, come to me please.” The men complied with their fate and Sharon put them back to back on two chairs. Both of whom were given two life-size photos of their faces attached to sticks and should answer questions with either their own or their husband's picture held up, of course without seeing what the other was doing.

Predictable questions like 'who took the first step?' [Bucky gave in quickly because Steve didn't actually have the courage to kiss him but said something first] 'Who is more romantic?' (Steve) 'Who's got the last word?' (Bucky) 'Who's wearing the breeches at home?' (Both, though, ideally none of them) 'Who is more jealous?' (Steve) 'Who is more understanding / tolerant?' (Bucky) 'Who takes the first step after an argument?' (Steve) 'Who wants to cuddle more?' (Bucky). Their answers were so boringly compliant but there were still a few laughs afterwards:

Questions like 'Who can drive a car better?' getting different answers as well as: 'Who gets impatient faster?', 'Who can lose better at a game?', 'Who is more orderly?', 'Who's falling asleep faster tonight?', 'Who is more often on time?', 'Who is the better dancer?' and 'Who will gain more weight in the next 5 years?' Groom and groom were at odds a lot and the wedding party enjoyed their mini-discussions.

Afterwards there was dancing again and the party slowly, comfortably and happily came to an end. When around half past eleven their last guests disembarked from the ship, which had meanwhile returned to port, and Steve and Bucky settled to their 'cabin', the 'bonds of marriage' weren't coming to a use despite the tempting bedposts. Them both were having a lot of champagne to nervous stomachs, but a wedding night worthy of the name was a matter of honor ...

"Hey husband." "Hey to you, husband." "You're overdressed." "You aren't?" "This was a fantastic party, wasn't it?" "Yes, but still in need of a climax." "Climaxes are a specialty of yours." “Oh yes, especially your climaxes.” “Show off!” “Well, I have a lot of experience looking back at your climaxes.” “Some of them have been your best works." Bucky giggled: " _Works_? Your orgasms are my _works_? I'm suddenly an artist or what?” Steve looked him straight in the face:

“In any case, you master the art of making me happy. Can we finally get on with our wedding night now? Honestly" Bucky laughed: "Who's getting impatient faster? Seriously, Stevie?” “Well, fair enough. Are you finally coming at it?” “But yes, gladly, my dear husband. I am a compulsory US citizen and ...” “Shut up and kiss me!"Bucky obeyed (of course and with pleasure!)

Early in the morning – sunrise in reach – Bucky sleepily whispered to his exhausted half-asleep husband:

“...with you 'til the end of the line...” Steve could only manage some happy smile as an answer. Bucky knew the answer...

*************************************

The destination of their honeymoon:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on a vacation for some days. I would love to find some of you in my inbox when coming back. 
> 
> xxx


	96. An (Almost) Perfect Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! I'm back - safe and sound. Have a new chapter! Pic at the end.

# Book III - The next Generation

**An (Almost) Perfect Life**

Their cozy house was finally established as a 'home' and they _had_ got a cat. A snow-white, blue-eyed one named 'Alpine'. Bucky had fallen in love with her at a shelter spring festival. Of course he was firmly convinced the exquisite looking animal had chosen him and Steve liked to let him believe this. She suited Bucky perfectly. Adorable and affectionate when she wanted and resentful and snitty when something was bothering her. In addition, she hissed in exactly the same way her human sometimes did - when he was truly furious. His Bucky, his _kitty_... She was completely different from him only in one respect: she hated Steve!

Their life was perfect. Almost. It was Steve who suddenly one evening shortly before his 30th birthday, they were cuddling lazily after a long day on their spacious sofa, stated: "Baby, I would like to have a baby." Bucky blinked up at him - that was still their favorite position, Bucky's head in Steve's lap. " _My_ baby?" He asked with a wide grin on his face. "Jerk." Steve pinched his ribs so he jumped. Alpine also jumped from her slumber at Bucky's feet at that and hopped off the sofa, hissing angrily. The contemptuous look she threw back was of course addressing Steve, as if him and not her favorite human had almost kicked her - typical.

"I'm serious, Bucky." "I know." "Uh ..." was made by Steve little intelligently. "Stevie, shortly after you've put a promising jewelery box under my nose in DC, I've known the next meaningful question wasn't meant to be long awaited for." "And that's why you're not surprised." “I know you've always wanted to have children.” “Yes! I'd like to have half a dozen, well, maybe two.” “But we can start with one at the moment, don't you think so?” “Does that mean ...?" Steve looked at him questioningly, his eyebrows lightly drawn together. Bucky sighed: "You know I've learned to love your turbulent family life in my lonely childhood and adolescence. When I've known - known for sure - I'm gay, I was a little sad because of missing on that, to be honest."

Steve stared at his husband: "You've never told me!" "Don't forget, by the time I've realized I was gay, I've already been in love with you. I haven't wanted to discuss this with you of all people. And when we've been getting older and you started to date girls seriously, I started to imagine being with a man who is not you. I realized very quickly my dream of an own family might not come true. How many gay men our age do you know who are parents?” “Chuck and Nigel ...” “Yes, exactly. End of this list. With them there would have been the only two gay men in New York who, like me, haven't wanted to start a family before getting 45 ... Then you've fallen in love with me. Bingo."

"What does bingo mean there?" "Well, as the years went by things becoming more and more serious with us and you've finally wanted to put a ring on me, I've started to consider this seriously. And since I've come to the conclusion you also are one of those men who wants to be a father before getting 45, all I had to do was find out whether you and your ideas of having a family are matching mine.” Steve was staring at him speechless for a few moments. "B-but you've said I couldn't have babies with you back then at the lake..." "Wrong, I've said you couldn't have _your own_ babies with me - which is obvious." Steve threw a pillow at his head. "Smart ass." "The only question left is whether you want to adopt a child with someone who doesn't have a clue about babies, big brother, level 3000." "What?" Steve laughed out.

"You've always been a great big brother and you are way ahead of me. If you are ready to share your wealth of experience with me and promise to be patient, then ...” His husband laughed at him. “What?” He blurted out irritated. Steve grinned: "You've always been something of a big brother to my brothers, too, don't you know? Just remember Peters 'Buggi-Deeve'.” He smiled at the memory. "They've all adored you, each for his different reason." "Including you, Sweetie." The grin Bucky gave him was pretty suggestive. "Go on like this and I'm running out of ammunition!", A second pillow was aimed at him. "I'm serious, Bucky. You'd be an awesome dad.” Bucky felt a warm joy spreading through him. He would be an awesome dad? Steve maybe was actually right. He'd definitely wouldn't do that too bad! And what he didn't know he could learn! "Oh, baby ... Steve ... yes, I think you're right!" "You _think_ so?" “I know so."

The adoption laws for same-sex couples have long been assimilated to them of heterosexual couples, and they immediately came about to download and fill out applications. What could go wrong? They had got a house in a quiet suburb of New York. Steve was a teacher at an exclusive school and Bucky was a businessman. And both of them were of ideal age, 31 and 29. Every night they were talking for hours of the small family that would make their happiness perfect ...

Steve's striking features softened when speaking of babies. Bucky was a little surprised at how heart-deep Steve's desire having a child was - and also how deep his own went. And sometimes he almost regretted not having an uterus (which of course made him happy to be honest, _an uterus_ \- he shivered with unease at the mere thought...) Well, but why on earth would someone deny them to adopt a child? They were perfect!

They waited for an answer for a while. Some days to the summer holidays, the bomb was dropped: A rejection notice. They studied the attached letter carefully and kept coming back to the reason “immoral lifestyle up to the recent past”. Steve went to great lengths to find out what that was supposed to mean. And he turned pale when he found out: Bucky's model pictures. Never had one of those pictures been offensive, although Bucky had, of course, been asked countless times to take the model job to the next level, but he had always refused.

The 'most erotic' one ever published was him posing in a white tank top under some waterfall (a few buckets of water). If Bucky got aware of this being the problem, he would ... Steve didn't dare to imagine! Bucky had joked a lot at the time about feeling like a stripper selling his body. That was nonsense, of course. There was absolutely nothing immoral about any of his pictures. A handful of them even were on the walls around their house!

But Bucky had also done some research on his own to find out what the problem was with them as adoptive parents. And he literally broke down at that ...With Steve having to watch in horror. All other ways of having a child were out of the question for them. The simplest would be a surrogate mother, so even one of them would be the birth father, but they didn't want themselves to have to one day tell their child their mother had not only not wanted them but even had sold them cold-blooded and planned.

Illegal adoption was also not an option. Steve was a teacher, risking too much with it. He once said he didn't care, but Bucky hadn't none of it. They were on the radar with their unsuccessful application in the end and people would get very suspicious if they suddenly had a baby to adopt. The objection they'd put immediately after the decision had also bit the dust.

Bucky got introvert, self-conscious, with losing a lot of his spirit. Not only he wouldn't get what he was desiring. He of course was tormented by standing in the way of Steve's perfect happiness. There was still that pull on him to feel guilty. Always ever being so guilty, to believe he didn't deserve a perfect happiness. But Steve did. And it was nonsense they both had to give up their dreams if only one of them was standing in the way. Steve was better off without him. Bucky came to this conclusion at the end ... after which he made a drastic decision, which was typical with him when facing severe crisis: acting up completely idiotic.

He stared into the open fridge one Sunday morning, Steve was laying out cutlery and Bucky said flatly, "I knew it was a fault to get married to you." Steve laughed. "Baby, have I put an empty jam jar back? Put it on the shopping list!” Bucky said nothing. Steve frowned and when his husband turned around he felt all life going out of him. Terror and nameless pain literally paralyzed him. Bucky was white as a sheet, his eyes hard as stone, with a muscle in his jaw twitching.

"Steven ..." Bucky's voice was quiet but firm. "I'm serious. If you ... without me ... Then you can ... You can be a father with a woman." Steve dropped weakly onto one of the chairs. "Bucky ..." he gasped. "I'm packing some of my stuff." Bucky sounded terrible, unemotional and deaf, not in the least like himself. Steve felt like having a nightmare and when Bucky left the kitchen, he finally woke from his stupor. "No!" He shouted desperately, running after his husband. He caught up with him on the stairs jerking him around.

"Are you out of your mind?" He exclaimed excitedly. With both hands he grabbed his upper arms looking wildly in his face, shaking his head in deny. "Be a father? I don't want to be a father with anyone but you! ”All of his fingers painfully dug deep into Bucky's muscles. "Please let go of me, Steve." He obeyed, his arms weakly dropping down his body. "Oh my god, you're really serious about this ..." he whispered stunned, Bucky's face was empty and emotionless.

“It's so damn easy and the only solution. Just do it, Steve, I'm meaning it, make your dream come true ..” “But ...", Steve sank onto the stairs, leaning against the wall weakly rubbing his face with both hands. "But this is also your dream! This, us ... You can't really mean it, you don't want this.”, he couldn't stop his tears from falling anymore. “It's nonsense we both have to do without since only I am the problem. I've had my dream for more than twelve years. Go, get yours.” The suffocated sound Bucky made, a bit like some small animal in a trap, brought Steve back immediately.

He jumped up pulling his husband into his arms. "You and me, that's my dream too! I'm not giving up on you to chase something else.” He was two stairs below, looking up imploringly at him. "You love me!" Bucky went down a step. Trembling, he put his hands flat onto Steve's chest whispering feverishly: "Of course I love you, Steve, you are my life. I would do anything for you. And I can't ... I can't make you happy, not the way I ... want to. Don't you understand? I want this _because_ I love you!"

Steve caught Bucky's hands, which were pounding at his chest weakly now, and looked him straight in the eye. The pain in them making them look like the sea on a stormy winter day, Bucky's teeth gritted with tension and his body was shaking. "You _are_ making me happy. There can't be a happier man in the world than me and …" Steve stopped, he suddenly got it. Bucky _had_ that crazy trait about himself. The guilty one. And suddenly there was an idea, flash of inspiration and Steve calmly said: "Come on ...", Bucky let himself be pulled up without resistance. Steve put him onto the edge of their bed and crouched in front of him. Taking his hands, he inhaled deeply.

"I bring this case to court. We do not allow ourselves to be treated like that. Why haven't I thought of it earlier?” Bucky frowned. "We've been idiots, Bucky. The rejection notice is completely arbitrary and we will defend ourselves against it.” “But ...” “Yes, baby! It is baseless and flimsy. They have no right to treat us like this. We will insist on our application to be checked again by another clerk."

Bucky's fingers tightened around Steve's. He also wasn't as white in the face as earlier and his eyes had gotten back some blue to the stormy gray again. Bucky's eyes were the purest mood indicators. "I swear to you if there's something messy about it because some homophobe had been quarreling with his wife in the morning our application came to his desk ... I swear to you, I'm suing that asshole and he'll faster as he could state: 'Tolerance' be found in a disciplinary process forcing him to social services, where he has to take care of traumatized victims from those homosexuality correcting camps in the 80s. "

Uncle Jim had told them about them camps once. He had for a while been with a man who as a teen had spent a few months in a camp like this when he was young. The man had been badly disturbed and broken.

Bucky felt the indomitable hardness in Steve which sometimes came out when he thought something to be really wrong and immoral, yes, or inhuman. This strength in him had always attracted Bucky and was one of the main reasons he fell in love with him many years ago. He sighed gliding off the bed, let Steve pull him into his lap nestling his face into the crook of his neck. The rest of the air he had been holding unintentionally with his shallow tense breaths escaped from him and he relaxed. Steve hugged him tightly and whispered into his hair with some great amount of fondness. “Jerk, What've you thought. I love you.”

Bucky looked up at him whispering back, "I've thought it was the only way, forgive me ...?" "Hush, baby. It's alright. I know why you've done so, I do really know. You are a fool. This of all things would have made me the most unhappy ... honestly. But everything's going to be fine. I promise. We'll have our family, I swear to you.” “Make love to me, Steve …" Bucky breathed hoarsely. He took the beloved face in his hands, kissed him tenderly shaking his head gently. "You do make love to me, please." An hour later, Steve was looking across the breakfast table into his husband's eyes. A pure baby blue... "You know, I'd never have let you go. Pass me the jam?"

*

Steve fought the struggle of his life. Since their application had been rejected even in the revision process, he was not in a good position. But he didn't give up. He spent hours in law school's libraries, with equality officers, and online in groups of same-sex couples who had suffered the same fate as he and Bucky. He collected all the stories of rejections, partly of course well-reasoned and sometimes just baseless and without any real reason. He made extensive documentation and went to a lawyer who was a specialist in discrimination offenses, a thick file folder in his bag.

Throughout the time, Steve had worked on it all summer, Bucky had returned to his lovly self, but Steve kept feeling how much the whole story was still gnawing at him. Therefore, he kept the majority of his efforts from him. Bucky never found out how much time and passion he actually invested. Because he didn't want any appreciation or praise for it and this was probably the first time in his life he acted so completely selflessly. This was not for himself, not for his ego or pride. This was for Bucky ... He would do anything for him. He would _die_ for him. But more importantly, he would fight for him until his last breath.

One morning his lawyer asked him to come to his office. Steve made an appointment during free work time – school's started again - and when he faced his lawyer, Everett Ross, a short blond man with tough but sensitive features, looked satisfied for the first time since Steve knew him. Well, _satisfied_ was not the word at all!

"Steve! Good to see you. How are you?” “Fine, thanks. And you?” “Yes, I know you haven't got much time." He adjusted a few papers on his desk raising his voice: “As you know, the administrator dealing with your case received a letter from me in which I politely asked him to rethink his decision.” Steve knew that was a lie - well, at least a shameless understatement. Ross' letter to Mr Sitwell had been so threatening and reasoning against his decision so it must have had blushed the guy's face. "I've gotten an answer."

He pushed a sheet of paper towards Steve. He scanned it and then frowned, read it again, more carefully this time. At the end of his reading, the crease between his eyebrows was deeper than ever and an angry flush had spread across his cheeks. "The damn ...", he interrupted himself politely. "Oh, go on, say it, I'm very likely exactly in the means of what you're thinking!" ,the lawyer grinned. "I'm suing the damned bastard! He won't be happy with his life ever again!” “It would be a pleasure for me to represent you, Steve."

With this reply to the lawyer's letter, that fool Sidwell had obviously written without any juristic advice, he held solid evidence of abuse in office, discrimination and undisguised hatred of homosexuality. A particularly delicate excerpt was:

"... You think I, a United States official who has sworn to judge for people and God, is giving an American child to such a brood! A billionaire boy who's wasting his manhood on another men out of sheer boredom! In addition to a sinful, vicious subject like a model for gay pornography! And you can send me another 100 letters stating the photos of "Sergeant" Barnes - _him_? A US Army sergeant? Is this supposed to be a joke? - Those pictures you are calling completely un-pornographic and only being a student job. You, Mr. _Lawyer,_ must have a closer look! Barnes' photos are pure pornography ... "

Steve suddenly had to laugh during his third reading. It was a mean laugh, but somehow a free one. With this they had won. They would be allowed to adopt a child. A homophobic asshole had suddenly gotten scared because he thought Bucky was sexy. Ridiculous, actually laughable!

"Well, of course I've got an even better letter for you, Steve. A solution to the reason why you've come to me in the first place.” He pushed another paper towards Steve. It was a polite and deeply sincere apology on the part of the authority, with the assurance their request would be dealt with in a hurry and with the greatest care. In short, the bottom line was: they would be allowed to adopt a child (or several if they so wished). In the benevolent letter they were described as a pair of role model parents in their list of applicants. Everything would be fine. Steve was beaming overjoyed! "So, are we supposed to rip up a second asshole with this man who's one anyway, Steve?" Everett Ross smirked. "I'm asking for it!" Steve's eyes glittered diabolically. This disgusting creature had hurt his Bucky so much. He would pay for it!

*

In the evening Bucky came home from work after taking a shower in the small apartment above, as he did always after work, scraping out all the engine oil from under his fingernails. Well, almost all engine oil, he _was_ a mechanic. His father-in-law, who was probably the richest man on the planet, often had dirt under his fingernails and calluses from them tinkering with screwdrivers and other tools all day. Bucky himself was getting slightly callused hands lately, despite all the skin care he did... He knew Steve wasn't bothered that much ...

"Steve?" He called in the hallway. "I'm home!" No answer. Only Alpine welcomed him, circling his ankles, purring loudly, he petted the cat for a little while until she went back to her favorite spot on the windowsill of the front panoramic window. He went to the kitchen, where he found a note on the table. "Bedroom, right away." _Ooooh, this is nice!_ he thought... With a warm tingling in his guts, he climbed the stairs finding his husband cross-legged on their bed. Fully clothed. He stopped, a little disappointed, then he noticed a package on the sheets in front of Steve, about the size of a football, if they were square. Did he forget an important day? He went through a couple of significant events from their life together in his head. No, there was nothing he'd forgotten.

"Baby, how's your day been?" Steve asked. Bucky frowned slightly. His husband seemed to burst with excitement while trying hard to hide it. "Quite well. Have I forgotten anything important? If so, you hereby have permission to sulk for days, reject me and let me shower you with love and attention until you ... “, Bucky looked at him seductively smirking: "...are begging to be able to quit your fit without losing your face." Bucky's glance was making Steve gasp and his eyes darken. But he caught himself again.

"I've got a gift for you. Only because of reasons. You haven't forgotten anything. And I'm never sulking, by the way, what the heck?” He laughed. Bucky shook his head. "You are the King of the Pouts, Stevie!" "Though you've actually got the perfect mouth for it. Come here, put this sinful mouth to some good use and kiss me. After you're gonna open your present.” Bucky went to him, kissed him affectionately getting down on the other side of the package, also cross-legged. "Looks meaningful to me. What are you up to with this, Steven Stark?” “Can't I ever only be giving my hard-working husband a little something, out of the blue and without ulterior motives? Well, if you like it, you are of course welcome to screw me into the mattress, but no ulterior motives in the first place, honestly! I've only wanted to give you a little something."

Bucky had gotten a little hard at the part with the mattress, hesitated briefly, but his curiosity won. He took the package. Wrapped up by Steve himself, he noticed immediately, Steve was a dead loss at wrapping, as good he was with giving presents though. Everything was crooked and crumpled. He groaned in frustration now: "Buck! You asshole! Now don't let me wait any further, finally open it!” “Calm your tits, punk.” Bucky smiled shaking his head while he unwrapped a neutral cardboard box. He lifted the lid and found a tiny pair of baby shoes in a neutral color between tissue paper balls. A note was attached to it: “To be filled. I've promised you."

"Steve ...!" Bucky gasped in disbelief. "Baby, there's something else in the package. Have a look!” Bucky dug out the paper balls, at the bottom of the box there was a folded sheet of paper: the apology letter the adoption agency had sent. Bucky read it through, once, twice ... After he looked up facing his husband. "Oh my god ...", his eyes were swimming with tears. "How've you done that ... You're one hell of a guy!" Steve reached for Bucky's hands. "I've promised you. There was no other possible ending to this, you know?” “No…” Bucky whispered. "...no way. You've promised."

They found themselves in a wild making-out-session milliseconds later, nobody knew where one's body was beginning or the other one's ended, they were deeply intertwined. Between greedy kisses they breathed nonsensical words of love pressing their bodies together. "... that thing about the mattress and them screwing into it ... still on?" "Oh, I'm asking for it ..." When they cuddled lazily an hour later, Bucky whispered: "Steve ... tell me, do you see me as the mommy or the daddy in this super family scenario?” Steve laughed softly. "Baby, I see you in absolutely every scenario exactly the way you want me to and not any different. Roger, Sergeant Barnes?” Bucky snuggled even closer to his husband. "Roger, you punk."

It was not easy to find a suitable baby. Their conditions were too narrow. Steve and Bucky wished for a newborn or possibly up to no more than two months old baby. And they didn't want a baby who wasn't wanted, they wanted to give a child a home who had been wanted in this world because they never wanted to tell their child anything else when getting older. They wished for a baby whom had been the victim of a tragedy with having no one left.

They didn't care about gender or origin. They were offered again and again to meet a mother or a couple who had decided to give their baby away for adoption. They always refused. They simply couldn't imagine having to at some point tell their son or daughter they had been looking their parents in the eye while they'd told them they didn't want their baby.

A week to Christmas 2032, they were invited to the adoption agency's orphanage to meet a baby roughly meeting their expectations. There they met Morgan for the first time. She was almost half a year old. They apologized to them in the office beforehand. Mrs. Bailey, their agent, asked warily, "Why is it so important to you that your child is not older than two months?" "If a baby has been with its mother for a few months or longer, them must have already absorbed in and got used to the motherly, feminine energy. When the child's getting two men as his parents after, we're estimating this as problematic,” Steve explained.

"I understand. And why have you never considered to meet one of the babies who have been openly and willingly been given into adoption? After all, you've been offered several times to get to know ready-to-adopt parents during pregnancy." Bucky replied: "We want to have a child, more than anything else. But we want a baby who was wanted. We would like to be able to tell this our child later in life. 'You've been wished for'” Bucky hadn't been and had been told so numerous times, feeling terrible with it. Steve of course hadn't been _planned_ but was immediately more than cherished after his parents had found out.

"Well, Morgan is almost six months old and the poor thing has had to live out a horrible story: Her mother received her in the first year of her marriage and was very happy. She and her husband wallpapered the nursery and did everything else to make their baby's future as perfect as possible. We are aware of all of this through her mother's maternity blog on her phone. That's what she's gotten her name from – this very blog. The three of them went to some of her father's old friends for the Fourth of July barbeque three weeks before Morgan's birthdate. A drunk trucker got off the lane and crushed into them head-on. Morgan's father was instantly dead. Her mother was brought in in critical condition. Her life could no longer be saved, but Morgan's. She was delivered by cesarean section on July 1st, with her mother never waking up again."

"But she's almost half a year old! Why is she still here?” _And why haven't you introduced her to us? We have been waiting so long_ , Steve thought when Mrs. Bailey went on. “Morgan immediately came to a couple on the waiting list. And then ... “, she took a break, cleaning her glasses wiping away a tear. “Their adoptive parents were killed in a motorbike accident when Morgan was five months old.” Bucky and Steve both gasped. "Sell your motorbike." Steve demanded in a tearful voice. "First thing tomorrow," Bucky breathed shakily.

"May we see her?" Steve asked. "Of course. Come on." Mrs. Bailey led them two to another wing and mentioned, as casually, "Her adoptive parents were enchanting people. Mr Anderson was a nurse in New York City Hospital and Mr Riley was a curator in one of the smaller galleries in New York.” Steve and Bucky looked at each other as if electrified. This has to be _our_ child! They arrived in the nursery wing, faced with an infernal baby's crying. They went to the center of the noise. A nurse turned to them with a writhing, crying baby. "I've tried everything!" She called desperately to Mrs. Bailey.

"Give me the baby!", Steve shouted out energetically and without further ado he took the crying baby from the nurse, bedding her against his shoulder, he rocked back and forth whispering soothing words. Only a few moments later, the baby's cries subsided into small, wet sobs which also soon died off. Steve looked down at the little red tear-stained face, big drops still sticking to the long eyelashes, while big brown eyes watched him curiously. He smiled enraptured and in Bucky's face - he had watched speechless coming closer now - an equally enraptured smile spread.

"Hello baby girl, will you let me be your daddy?" Steve cooed. The little girl showed a big toothless smile making Bucky's hand fly to his mouth. He bit his knuckles when tears started to fall. "Look at her, Bucky. Morgan, here's another daddy for you.” “Hello Morgan,” his voice trembled. Holding out his index finger, which she gripped in an amazingly strong way. A small wrinkle appeared between her delicate eyebrows, Bucky chuckled, it was half a sob. Then she smiled at him too and Bucky hugged them both. The nurse didn't even think about holding back, sobbing uncontrollably.

At home everything was already finished. Bucky's study was transformed into a nursery, Steve had made room for Bucky's desk in his study. The Stark family cradle was waiting in their bedroom. A bottle feeding service and a diaper service were contractually available on call. Fortunately, when they tested whether Morgan would fit in the baby seat in their car, she wasn't too big, so they loaded her stuff into the trunk and went signing the adoption papers. Morgan was given the middle name Buchanan and the last name Stark.

Steve didn't give her away throughout the whole procedure. Only when he signed the fateful documents and the agent wanted to have this moment photographed he decided to give a dignified picture, so he gave the little one to Bucky. His body tightened a bit when he held her carefully, but his face remained calm and friendly. The little crease reappeared and the baby did not return his smile, grimacing a little. He looked desperately at Steve and Mrs Bailey, who laughed softly:

"Don't worry, Mr. Barnes, both Mr. Riley and Mr. Anderson have worn their hair very short, and both of them were blonde. You're only a little strange to her with your long dark hair, that's settled in no time." "Hey, baby girl, I can cut my hair for you and blonde would be an option, too, wouldn't be the first time.", he cooed. Steve gave a startled laugh: "Then she'd definitely laugh, you looked like an idiot back then. Better leave it be.” “Don't listen to your daddy, honey.” Bucky whispered. "He's a punk." Now Morgan finally smiled and Bucky's heart threatened to burst out of his chest. Soon the new parents drove off, to their home, with their new baby-girl...

Please notice the Star Wars x-mas decoration! ;-) 


	97. Morgan's first Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pic at the end!  
> *******************************************************************************************************************************************

**Morgan's first Christmas**

Their life was turned upside down from one moment to the next. No matter how prepared they'd felt, it hit them like a truck. It was the week before Christmas and Steve, who as a teacher had the right to parental leave and no longer had to go to work from day one, stayed with the baby all day. Bucky, on the other hand, had countless last minute orders in his repair shop. Everyone wanted to get their car checked before the holidays.

At Christmas, 'Barnes' Motor Barn' would close for ten days, after which Steve and Bucky would share parental leave, but the first week Morgan spent in her new family was shaped by Steve. Bucky and the little one struggled to warm up to each other. Whenever he insisted on Steve taking some time for himself leaving the baby with him, Bucky was confronted with six kilos of resentment, despair and piercing cries. He tried everything he had read of or what else he could think of. The few minutes Morgan emptied her bottle of milk in a concentrated-on-her-task silence became his favorite moments of the day.

Steve, who, of course, got everything in the house and at some point could not stand to take his well-earned time, always went to his small family after a reasonable time. As soon as Morgan saw him, she stretched her chubby little arms towards him crying even more desperately until Bucky gave her to Steve with a heavy sigh and an even heavier heart. It was a miracle. Morgan fell silent in Steve's arms after a few seconds each time, and after a short while she was lovely and charming, smiling like an angel and her eyes were shining. Steve often looked regretfully at his husband, one time Bucky, grinning crookedly, raised one shoulder.

"Of the two of us, you're the role model big brother, I don't know anything about babies, she seems to be aware of it." "Bucky ... Baby, it's gonna to be fine. I'm with her almost all day, that's all natural. I'm probably her mom by now,” he joked. "You mean she's imprinted herself on you like a duckling?" "I'm sorry, Bucky, if you had held her in your arms first, it might be any different." Bucky looked at him sadly. "She would have cried as infernally as with the nurse, just like she does all the time when she's with me." "Bucky ..." "I'm sorry. I am dramatic. You are right, it's gonna be fine. When I'm spending half of the day all alone with her, she'll get used to me.” “Sure thing, sweetheart.”

[Alpine had mixed feelings about this family growth. By cat type, she instinctively knew this mini human now belonged to the family and after she had sniffed extensively at her when Morgan came into the house with her human (Bucky) - recently smelling all the same, sweet and unique, more and more - the diva-like cat graciously decided to extend her limited affection to the tiny one. As long as she didn't feel compelled to like the humanized nightmare, this _mountain of meat_ who took her beloved favorite human away from her too often, she was satisfied. The tiny human, who also took him from her, was helpless, had to be taken care of and protected...The the cat fully agreed with this and so she had no resentment.]

(Christmas party at Stark Manor)

Bucky and Steve had asked the family to wait until Christmas to meet the newest addition to the circle. They had of course sent a lot of pictures to everyone, but each of them would only get to know Morgan 'in the flesh' at the traditional Christmas party. They were late promptly. How many things you had to take with you when you left the house with a baby! A spit out bottle of milk stopped them only when they were about to leave. The second time they tried to get into the car, Morgan needed to be changed – telling from the smell. After all, it was a lesson for the new parents. Next time they would start getting ready much earlier.

But those first Christmas mornings with their baby had been like a dream and they'd stayed in bed all morning cuddling, all of them three sleepy and very happy. When it was time to change, the baby was slumbering so deeply, firm, and peaceful they didn't want to disturb her. Steve was about to pack up her babies' stuff, with being 'bothered' by Bucky, Morgan was fast asleep and it was Christmas after all... Steve was only too happy to be 'bothered'. When they finally were packing up everything and getting dressed in earnest, Morgan woke up and they couldn't do all the things needed to be done as quickly as they'd thought, one of them finally had to be fun for Morgan .. they had been invited at 2:00 pm... Now it was long after three.

*

"Steve has never been late in life," his mother chided. She was at the window peering out. She was so excited! Her first grandchild and also a girl at that! "He was even born on the expected date of birth," Tony laughed. He was also very excited. But Peter was the one bouncing with anticipation and curiosity, blowing through the house like a whirlwind and chattering about the event with everyone. He would be the greatest uncle in the country, no wait, in the whole universe! The boy was now 16 and the first of the Stark sons not to tower over his father at this age. He was in sophomore year and best in class in all subjects that interested him and polite as he was, he was also in most of the others...

He participated in nationwide student quiz Olympics and gave tutoring. He was president of the Robotics Club at Sanctuary High. His best friends were Ned Leeds, a smart tech nerd like Peter, his parents were successful software developers, and Michelle Jones, called MJ, a scholarship holder from a single mom household in Queens. He was a very popular boy, but because of his limited time, he downed his social contacts to those two close friends. However, he also had an arch enemy: Eugene 'Flash' Thompson, son of rich parents, spoiled, intelligent, president of the school entertainment tech team and a gifted DJ.

Natasha Romanov and Bruce Banner were of course there, accompanied by their son Pietro, a talented and successful ballet dancer. His sister Wanda, her husband Paul Vision and their first child, Alexander Nikolaj, 2 years old, were in Pittsburgh with Paul's family. They were expecting their second child at any moment. Her parents and brother would go there the next day.

Happy Hogan and his wife May Parker, who had given in to him after years, spent their lives's autumn in Italy, May's old home country. Tony, Pepper and Peter wanted to visit them there during the upcoming spring break.

Thor was alone. His girlfriend and long-distance relationship, Jane Foster, was in the European Pyrenees for four weeks of fieldwork during the longest nights of the year. The family did not know Jane very well because she hardly ever had the time to attend their big partys. Everyone regretted this, because apparently she made Thor very happy despite the distance and the long separation phases. When speaking of her, his voice was filled with fondness and warmth and his sparkling dark blue eyes dazed in love.

Loki was also alone, which no one was surprised about. He had just gotten a new production of Dickens' A Christmas Carol to Broadway and was celebrated for it by the audience and critics alike. His joy about the little niece was as heart-felt as everyone's, but you hardly noticed it. Loki appreciated babies. They were undisguised, authentic and genuine. They never faked anything and Loki had that in common with them.

Sharon and Sam Wilson, both FBI agents in the office, were expected for the evening. Both of them still had family duties during the afternoon. They also were very curious about the Stark-Barnes baby.

At half past three the big moment was finally there. Pepper had left the window in the meantime to fulfill her hosting duties. But Peter had run out to the panorama window every other minute to keep an eye out. "They're coming!" He exclaimed excitedly in the bright voice of an overzealous child. All conversations stopped in an instant and almost everyone headed for the entrance hall. Tony said a word of power: " _Stop!_ You don't want to attack them like that, do you? For heaven's sake let them get in properly first. "

"Tony ...", Natasha groaned, "aren't you curious at all, I mean – speaking of _you_?" "He's the most curious of us all," laughed Pepper, "but he's also the smartest. He's right, let them come in first.” Of course, Jarvis let Steve and his family into the house and when he and Bucky came to the living hall with the baby seat - they had left their jackets, boots and scarves at the entrance hall - they all stood or sat in small groups only shouting: "Merry Christmas!"

Steve's face literally collapsed. Tony, realizing what his son was feeling, hurried to him. "Congratulations, Junior!" He hugged him tightly and warmly. He whispered: "We haven't wanted to run you over." Steve immediately relaxed, returned the warm hug calling "Merry Christmas!" Bucky remembered his manners, went to his mother-in-law, kissed both of her cheeks giving her wine and flowers. "Sorry for the delay, mom. But you know how it is with a baby. I admire you deeply about making it anywhere with four of them."

"Oh ..." she giggled a little. Her extremely attractive son-in-law was just too charming. Then she looked at him sternly: "I want to meet my granddaughter now." Everyone was relieved someone had stated this. "Steve!", Bucky turned to his husband with a smile, "Unpack our best Christmas present so everyone can admire her." The baby in the car seat was wrapped up in thick layers. Steve carefully lifted Morgan out, putting her onto the next-in-reach armchair and removed layer by layer of winter clothes. The baby woke up of course. She nagged a little, but soothing sounds from Steve did their job and when he finally had freed her from all unnecessary layers taking her on his arms, everyone came closer, first of all, Peter and his parents.

"Oh my God! Isn't she cute!” “Hello Morgan! I am your uncle ...” “Your Grandpa will love and spoil you so much with your daddies stunned in an awe ," all of them three were speaking the same time while admiring the little one. Morgan looked attentively but carefully from one to the other. The small crease between her delicate eyebrows, which Bucky loved so much, deepened. Tony's hand slipped into his wife's and they tenderly and happily exchanged a knowing pressure. Peter broke away from the sight, looking at Steve questioning.

"What have you told her about us? She looks serious.” Everyone had to laugh, Morgan was a little startled by the noise, got a hiccup. Peter looked alarmed. "Oh no, baby girl. What can I do to help? ...oh I know." He put his hands on his face, called muffled "Where am I?", opening his hands again beaming at the baby, crying out in a clear voice: "There!" Morgan's little red mouth pulled up into her first smile since she arrived at the Starks' house, and the first smile you ever experienced in a baby _was_ special.

"She likes me!" Peter happily called out to the group. "Do you want to take her, Pete?" Steve asked gently. Peter was startled. "I don't know Steve, she's still so small." "Says the right guy ..." his eldest brother laughed. Peter looked annoyed for a moment, laughing good-naturedly a short time later. "I'm sure I'm still growing." "Certainly ..." Tony growled dryly, which everyone laughed at again. "No, Steve. Mom and Dad should have her first," Peter said firmly. The new grandparents looked at each other speaking unisono:

"You!" (Tony) "Me." (Pepper) They remained silent for a very short moment. "No, you." Pepper smiled warmly at her husband. Tony let his son put the baby into his arms. And how he instantly talked to her in this very special way, which he had had with Peter at the time, made everyone around, even Natasha, sigh with emotion. It didn't take long for the little one to beam at him and the soft affectionate look in his deep brown eyes made Pepper sigh again. She adored her husband with this look in his eyes.

Bucky should have been next to Steve, but his parents and youngest brother had formed such a tight circle around them so he had been sidelined a little. An abrupt jealousy had hit him when Morgan smiled at Peter. How quickly that had happened while Morgan had long eyed him suspiciously the first time they met ... He felt ashamed. After all, Morgan had been in a very good mood all day long, which couldn't be said of the morning in the adoption clinic at all.

Nevertheless. The little girl also had such quick and sure confidence in his father-in-law, while when Bucky came home from work in the evening she still looked at him like at a stranger and usually it took quite a while to make her favoring him with a smile ... Steve assured him though again and again, that was due to the time of day: Babies were always quite crumpy in the evening, but still. His bomb-shell charm failed, of all things, with his own daughter, where it was crucial...

It reminded him of the time when he had been in love with Steve having failed just as miserably. Typical. When it was actually important to him, he just couldn't get it on the line ... Loki appeared silently at his side, Bucky was a little startled. "Doesn't mean anything, Bucky," he said softly. "You will conquer her heart because you never give up. This has given you happiness once and will again.” It was spooky how Loki always seemed to know about these things instinctively, without having the slightest experience... Loki went to his family and Bucky shrugged his shoulders, turned to Miss Romanov. "Tell me, Natasha, have you charged the baby-is-coming-pager batteries?" "You naughty boy," she laughed. "Pagers are so 80ies. I'm already a grandmother, yes, but I'm not dead yet! ”

Around Steve and Morgan there was an ever increasing circle, family first, of course, so Natasha was still a little behind. "And? How do you like being a father?” “Of course I could lie like trooper, bragging about how smooth and great everything's going. But you'd see through me right away and I'm honestly still a little scared of you, ma'am.” Natasha laughed loudly. "You're amazing, my boy." Bruce came to them: "Darling, I think we can have a look now, everyone else is through. Pietro, come on, too.” He looked a little startled.

"I've seen enough, papa. Babies are not my world.” “It doesn't matter,” his father replied sternly. "You will welcome her to the family. Nobody asks you to hold her or change her diapers.” Pietro complied with the extremely rare harsh tone of his otherwise so gentle father. Natasha watched them go and then winked at Bucky, "I like it when he's so bossy, taking things in hand." "I know the feeling..." Bucky sighed, looking at Steve. Him and Natasha laughed together and followed.

An hour later, the baby was slumbering contentedly in the arms of a completely happy Uncle Peter, who was on the floor, leaning at the couch behind him, and the crowd had joined together in changing groups to exchange news. Jarvis announced the caterer with the menu and Tony and Pepper went to receive him setting the meal in the dining room with the staff. Steve was in a lively conversation with Thor, Loki showed 'Uncle' Bruce a simulation for a chemical stage effect with ice crystals he had developed.

Natasha sat down next to Peter to admire the sleeping baby. After all, her second grandchild would be born any moment and she couldn't wait. Bucky lounged in a particularly cozy corner of the Stark's giant couch and closed his eyes briefly. He had had a terrible week. The lot of work in his shop, often on his own because he didn't want Ricky to do so much overtime just before Christmas. The grueling hours with Morgan when she desperately asked for Steve crying bitterly in his arms ...

"Punch?" Pietro Maximoff's voice startled him. He opened his eyes, taking the cup automatically and nodded his thanks. Pietro dropped down next to him. "I've never liked to sit next to you." _What the hell?_ Pietro continued: “How to be not half bad next to you? I just hate playing the second violin. Letting your glory outshine me, well, I could always do without this.” Pietro smirked at Bucky with a mocking smile.

"What's that, Maximoff? How much of the punch have you had?” Bucky laughed, taking a sip of his cup. "Must have been a lot, the stuff is weak as water." "I still remember Stevie's 15th birthday." Bucky stared. That was over 15 years ago! Pietro went on in a chipper tone: “It was the first time I've seen you. My hard-to-impress sister's mouth was watering visibly and what I would have liked to do to you, you can imagine with your, by now, rich experience." Bucky had to laugh again, a little nervous and forced though. Pietro was as direct and intimidating as his mother.

“Well, anyway, you came up to these family gatherings every now and then looking incredibly stunning. I've never wanted to sit next to you, with hardly any chance to get the best of the bargain next to you.” “Come on ... dude, make a point. We're not in a club here, stop hitting on me only because I've got a pulse.” Bucky grinned. Pietro laughed softly. "I was this close ...", Pietro held up his hand making the gesture with his thumb and forefinger, meaning razor-thin, "...to hit on you in earnest. And I'm good, believe me."

Bucky gave a dry laugh. "If I hadn't known that for a long time, it would dawn on me now." Pietro was notorious for his amorous adventures. "But why haven't I done so?" "Oh, come on, no games, why?" Pietro laughed to himself: "You've been obviously in love with little Stevie. Inconspicuous, still a bit gangly, awkward with his first girlfriend and his shy crooked smile. I didn't think I had a chance.” Bucky was flabbergasted. His jaw dropped. "Surprised?" "Um ..., yes! But ... that with me and Steve not looking like it was going to happen for a long time ... why haven't you ever tried?" “Would you've been interested?” “Stop it, I only want to know.” “I didn't want to go to bed with you having Steven Stark's ghost around. It's that simple. “, Pietro beamed at him innocently. Bucky stared back.

Then he realized the man was right. Any erotic interaction before Steve had implied Bucky secretly wishing his partner was Steve ... " _Shit_ ..." he hissed surpressed. He glanced at his husband. He gesticulated wildly, sporting the steep line between his eyebrows while Thor looked at him a little helplessly ... His expression softened. Pietro whispered: "Getting you to my bed would have been a sensation for sure, but having to outdo him was an undoable task ... Awesome what you've got." Bucky jerked back to the Russian.

"And?", He had a tiny flirty touch to his voice, "Why don't you have a problem being next to me today since I'm such a competitor for your male beauty?" Pietro brought him down in the manner of his merciless mother: “You look like shit today by your standards. Honestly man, racoon like rings under your eyes, untidy hair, this shirt to these pants, seriously?“ Pietro scoffed. Bucky froze briefly, laughing after a short moment. "I'm a dad now!" He called.

"Don't stop to be a husband and lover," Pietro replied seriously. _What the hell?_ "What's that supposed to mean now?" Bucky glared at him. "It's only a well-meant advice: Don't let yourself go, keep being interesting and sexy, don't be 'too tired' and all of that." "What are you getting at?" Bucky asked, a little hoarsely. "Keep Steve happy and _busy,_ if you know what I mean.” “Everyone's knowing what you mean. Most of the time it's pretty much the same old thing.”, Bucky smirked. “Yeah, guess so. But wouldn't it be a shame if the idyllic family happiness crumbled?” Bucky stared at him. "I need another drink," he said getting up, looking for some stronger drink than the punch.

Natasha, who had been watching her son, was a little worried about the emphatically calm expression on Bucky's face. It wasn't very subtle how she asked Pietro to help her clear the empty glasses. In the kitchen, she confronted him. Quietly but strictly she demanded in Russian: "What have you said to him?". "Only that he unfortunately today isn't looking as outstanding as he's capable normally. And to be careful not to fall into the pattern of many young parents. Letting themselves go, running the risk to bore their sweetheart.” Pietro looked innocently at his mother. "Advice from a friend."

"Pietro Maximoff, you are a monster. I love you, but you're more terrible than Ivan the Terrible. Leave the boy alone. The two of them are sharing a love made in heaven. They are _made_ for each other. You are only miffed because you have never been able to pull him under your unbeatable spell. The star in the New York ballet sky, outdone by a history teacher.“, She smirked mockingly. Pietro was speechless, but soon he had to laugh at his mother's mercilessness. "You are right, Maman. _Ouch_ , that hurts.” “Go, make up for your cruelty.” “How am I supposed to do that?” “A compliment about the baby seems appropriate to me.”, she smiled sweetly. Her son rolled his eyes but immediately toddled off. After all, he wasn't a bad guy behind his facade.

Peter looked down in love at the sleeping baby. Friday, who had reached the proud age of 14 a quarter of a year ago, was curled up next to his feet. Bruce was on the couch behind him, smiling at the boy with the little girl. He hoped Wanda's second child would also be a girl. When Bucky came back from the bar with a whiskey glass, Peter shouted: "Bucky, come and get down with me! Look at your cute daughter, how she's making tiny little baby bubbles in her sleep.” Bucky smiled fondly at the boy. Seeing Peter grow up was the only time in his life he had ever dealt with babies and toddlers and he was proud about the boy seeing him as something like another brother, even though he was already blessed with quite a number of them.

And everyone loved him boundlessly, he was the center of the Stark family, while his father has always been holding together the chaotic bunch with the incredibly strong glue of his exuberant love for this family. And Bucky was part of it. He sighed with happiness. Morgan started to move and her little red mouth twisted. Her eyelids twitched and when she opened her eyes she looked around confused, squirming a little, her eyes went searching. Peter looked alarmed. "Do you want to go to your daddy, baby girl?" He whispered and got an even moderate baby grumbling as an answer. He looked indecisively at Bucky, who took the baby from him.

Morgan looked at his face, eyebrows pulled together, and a little sob burbled up out of her throat. Steve looked over at his little family checking his watch. He went to the giant backpack with her stuff taking out the thermos bottle with her formula. Bucky rocked Morgan in his arms speaking to her in a low voice. But her eyes were still searching. Now she opened her mouth widely and started crying.

Steve was there with the bottle handing it to his husband. He looked at Steve pleadingly when Morgan's inconsistent gaze fell on Steve and her cries instantly got louder, soon able to wake the dead for sure. Her arms reached for him and she squirmed in Bucky's arms like a small, very strong caterpillar. "No, honey, daddy is talking, your other daddy is giving you your milk." With that he leaned down, kissed his husband on the forehead before going back to Thor. Morgan fell silent, probably in shock at her father's unusual reaction. Bucky smiled at her in relief:

"I know you want your other daddy, but I'm the daddy with your milk. Well...” he wiggled the bottle in front of her face and she opened her mouth, not to cry this time. Bucky quickly pushed the bottle's nipple between her lips. Little hungry baby smackers and a dazed look gave away the deep concentration and importance of her task and only then Peter and Bucky smiled at each other.

"I can't wait for her to get older so she can go to Disneyland," Peter exclaimed. "It's one of my favorite childhood memories, the trip to Europe back then, all of us together in Disneyland." Bucky blinked, thought for a moment and replied: "You weren't yet five at the time, Pete! That you remember this so well!” Peter shrugged his shoulders modestly, he had a tremendously good memory ...

"You and Steve got those huge mad hatter hats from Alice in Wonderland right the first day and we haven't seen you without them for days. You just dropped them off to sleep, at least that's what we assumed.” Bucky blushed slightly, they had even worn those hats in bed - and nothing else – more often than once ... but that wasn't appropriate for a conversation with a 16-year-old. He had to remind Steve later, he thought, smiling. "They're still in Steve's closet, by the way!" Peter called, jumping up. "I'm right back." With that he was gone, nimble like a weasel.

Coming back less than half a minute later he tossed one of the hats to Bucky, one he gave Steve. He looked at the hat a little puzzled, then his features brightened, he looked over at Bucky, who was already sporting his, smirking cheekily at him. Steve put his on smiling back with a glint in his eyes meaning something like _you remember?_ Bucky raised his eyebrows, which meant _are you kidding? Of course!_ Fortunately, Morgan was so immersed in her meal, because the sight of her father would otherwise have worried her deeply.

The large brim cast a dark shadow over his face, from which his light eyes shimmered, the tip of his tongue flicked over his lower lip while he looked Steve in the eye. He secretly implored his daughter to drink faster and Bucky could hand her to one of the people in the room who all had wanted this all the time anyway so he could be alone with his husband for a minute or two ... Pepper was already in the starting blocks and when Steve, when the bottle was empty, encouraged her: "Go on, take her, Mom!", she was only too ready for it.

Steve nodded to Bucky going out of the living room up the stairs to his old room. Bucky followed a minute later. "We're not teenagers anymore, Stevie ...", he mocked, the light was set dimly and they were so close together, their hats' brims touched. "Too bad. If we were still, we would be finished here so quickly, no one would even notice we were gone.” With that he put his arms around Bucky's waist pulling him closer. He bent his upper body back a little so Steve didn't push his hat off his head. This also got their body centers closer together.

Steve moaned softly rubbing at him a little. Bucky sighed. "We'd better leave this be," he said regretfully. "But I can kiss you, can't I?" Steve whispered roughly. "Only when you don't drop my hat." "I managed to do quite different things to you in Paris with your hat staying neatly in place." Steve purred, his voice was deep and sexy. Bucky would soon have a serious problem. He had to slow Steve down a bit.

But his body had other plans. All hot and needily pressed to his husband's, he cocked his head low so Steve, doing the the same, could be kissing him. It was a wonderful kiss, Bucky melted away with Steve's warm hands under his shirt, kneading his sensitive sides firmly but tenderly at the same time. Bucky groaned in his mouth pushing him away with great regret. "I haven't come down my pants in a long time. Would be very uncomfortable for me to do so today," he breathed shakily. Steve laughed softly.

"It used to happen regularly between these walls," he said with a gesture encompassing his old room. "In the future, it's better not to pack changing clothes for Morgan only.," Bucky giggled. Steve kissed him on the tip of his nose teasing: "We're not bad for an old boring couple, Mr 'We're-not-teenagers anymore', are we?" "We're anything but bad." He took Steves Hand. "Come on, let's go back down." Steve pinched his butt one more time before they left Steve's old bedroom. They had left their hats there, but would definitely take them home later...

They met Sharon and Sam in the hallway. "No, it's not true, is it?" Sam laughed. "You still steal away at parties to be making out a bit! Seriously, dudes." Sharon grinned punching her husband on the upper arm. Bucky and Steve looked at each other bursting out with laughter. “Caught in the act.” “Not actually though.” “Thank god...”, Sam sighed. The friends all hugged each other warmly. "Your dad caught us at the door sending us up to get you. With a wink he said, otherwise this could take forever. And you definitely want to be there when we examine your little baby girl.” Sharon explained why they were up there.

Everyone went back to the living room and Pepper put Morgan in Steve's arms. He solemnly introduced her to their friends. Sharon and Sam both came from similarly loud and noisy families like Steve and weren't shy about dealing with babies. Both of them wanted to hold her and Sam chivalrously let his wife go first. Both whispered and joked with the little one, made her smile, admiring her extensively and congratulated their friends again. After, Pepper and Tony asked everyone into the dining room.

At table, Peter was still raving about the Disneyland trip eleven years ago. Stories were soon handed out crisscross and there was a lot of laughter as they remembered the ride on the pirate cruise where Bucky had messed with an angry family man who got cross with him and Steve for kissing – in French, which Bucky wasn't speaking. His answer was an angry Russian spluttering of curse words no one understood, of course, but the tone of which had left no doubt about the unfriendly content.

This made the red-faced Frenchman so mad he wanted to climb two benches, getting stuck on the backrest in his angry zeal dropping into the water. Bucky piped up cheerfully. "Khorosho, chtoby okhladit '(that cools him down)", with that he grabbed Steve again kissing him in earnest now which made him to get interim applause from a Russian family in the boat behind them. The man in the water struggled to climb back in. Peter had a hiccup with excitement. His parents were amused and Thor was recording the funny scene on his phone. Loki wished himself far away, embarrassed by the attention they attracted. If he had known what was about to happen in London two days later ...

Steve had wanted to put the baby carrier on for lunch after Morgan was changed, but Bucky offered to take over. Steve helped him adjust the straps to his smaller size and Morgan kicked her chubby legs a couple of times and contorted her neck looking for Steve. Soon she surrendered peacefully to her fate playing contentedly with the wooden keys Bucky had attached to a cord around his neck. Her head jerked occasionally in Steve's direction when he was talking, but getting to see him was enough for the moment. During a break in the dinner conversation, Thor cleared his throat exclaiming aloud to the group: "I've got news." Everyone looked at him expectantly.

"Jane is expecting." He blushed a bit, looking at his plate embarrassed. A short silence followed this because nobody could say with absolute certainty whether that was good news or bad news. "We are very happy, although it was a bit of a shock at first," he admitted now, beaming around the group. All of them laughed in relief, congratulating. Loki chipped: " A shock? I had _the talk_ with you, when you were aged 15, Thor. Sex leads to babies.” Everyone laughed at that.

"Ours only with help of the authorities," Steve shouted cheekily, pinching Bucky's thigh under the table. "Are you going to get married now?" Pepper asked with shining eyes. Thor was a little embarrassed, looking at his mother openly and replied: "No, Mom. We think marriage is totally out of date and obsolete. Enslavement of love, so to speak. No offense!“ - with a glance at Bucky and Steve.

The latter looked a little outraged, while the former smiled softly. Bucky knew what was going to happen and there it was: Steve stated: “It is a privilege for me to have married the man I love. To confess myself publicly to him and our love and ... “ “Steve ... ", Bucky interrupted him reassuringly. "... we are not at a rally." There was some giggles, Thor flushed, crying out:

"Steve! I understand why you did so. It _is_ actually a privilege for the both of you! Not a dusty tradition going back thousands of years and it would have been much more difficult for you - without marriage - to get Morgan. That would have been so sad!” Steve was appeased. "Loki, you little cheeky badger," Thor said good-naturedly to his little brother. "We have used birth control. Apparently, no method is really safe.", He looked at his youngest brother sternly: "Peter! Remember this.” Peter laughed nervously growing a violent blush. "Yeah, yes, when the time's coming," he mumbled. Tony saved that for later.

Thor continued: “Anyway, Jane found she was overdue and entrusted herself to a friend, Darcy from her astro lab. She got her a test sending Jane to the washrooms during lunch break. Jane gave her the test afterwards, didn't want to look at it herself, and when Darcy called out "negative", Jane, as she told me, was so disappointed she had to cry. Darcy, the good soul, showed her the positive test explaining she had been lying to help Jane find out what she really wanted. And that's what it is now. Jane's having a baby, _we_ are going to have a baby and that's what she wants and that's what I want."

There were a few tears of emotion around the table. "When's the time?" Natasha asked. "Date of expected birth is May 11th." "I'm gonna be an uncle again!" Peter exclaimed enthusiastically." “Again, one of you huge madmen's making me a grandfather. I am very happy about this, Sunny. “, Tony called out. He had talked little, up to now.

"Are you going to keep commuting between here and her places of action?" He casually asked what was probably the most important question of the events. "You can't raise a child in a long-distance relationship," Thor replied firmly. "I'm going to pull up sticks going to her. Let's see if I can be just as good a house man and full-time father as you are, Pops.” Pepper's eyes had grown huge at that, and Tony's heart was clenching painfully. His Sunny would leave New York! Pepper exclaimed shakily:

"You're going to Spain or Chile or China settling with Jane and my grandchild?" Tony reached for her hand, squeezing it comfortingly. "Pep ..." he said softly. She immediately regained her composure. "Sorry, darling," she said to Thor. "Of course you belong where your heart is. I mustn't ...” “Mom!" Thor interrupted, "Jane is coming back to the States. She accepted a position at the Kitt-Peak National Observatory in Arizona. We will live there. Ah, Bucky!” He called. Thor's brother-in-law looked up in astonishment. He had just wiped off Morgan's drool.

"You can help me. I need a good, comfortable camper van, all-terrain, energy self-sufficient and with powerful heating. After all, a baby needs to be comfortably warm.” “Camper van?” his mother asked confused. "The smaller telescopes are set up far from the base and Jane often has to monitor them on site and I want to be near her then." Bucky nodded. “Kitt-Peak National Observatory is over 2,000 meters above sea level, which means it can get very cold. A good heating is out of the question. There are excellent converted all-terrain trucks. With a few modifications, I can make you one energy self-sufficient."

Thor beamed at his brother-in-law: "You're the best, Bucky." "Hear, hear!" Steve shouted, raising his glass. Everyone did the same. Thor's parents were relieved. Arizona wasn't exactly around the corner, but it was something completely different from Chile or even Europe or China. Pepper got up spontaneously, running around half the table and embraced Thor from behind. Hiding her tears in his blonde mane she exclaimed. "We are so proud of you," she whispered. Thor reached up to her hand squeezing it.

The evening comfortably came to an end after dinner. Peter, who - as always - was bubbling with energy about school and his various projects, entertained the guests as well as his father had always done before him. Steve and Bucky sat close together the whole time, the baby strapped in front of Bucky's chest. They kept touching each other, sometimes less conspicuously.

Pietro, of course, had noticed something had changed between them when they had put on those silly Disney hats, regretting a bit he wouldn't be able to pull up a spontaneous date for casual sex tonight, the second day of Christmas, while the married couple with their baby would definitely have sex later. Thor chatted happily about his future in a mobile home with the love of his life and a baby.

Loki was very happy with his favorite brother. Thor _was_ his favorite brother, although he loved Peter very much feeling responsible for him as his big brother. But he thought Thor would always need him and his sense of responsibility much more than the clever little one. He watched his family with quiet satisfaction. His parents laughed and joked holding each other's hands all evening.

Natasha's phone rang. She answered the call immediately. Listening briefly, she answered: "We're on our way." She called out to the group: "I'm gonna be a grandmother again. Wanda is in labor!” There was great excitement and joy. She and Bruce immediately gathered their belongings with Pietro helping them. He was also looking forward to the addition to the family. Because he loved nothing in the world more than his twin sister, not even himself.

It was, so to speak, the starting signal to end the Christmas party. Sharon and Sam said goodbye to everyone and disappeared flirting and teasing each other. Steve and Bucky also got up, Tony stopped them, suggesting: “Why don't you go to Steve's old room, make a pillow castle for the little one on the couch. It would be great having you here tomorrow morning. Thor, Loki! Don't you want to stay too?"

Peter beamed at his brothers - and Bucky - in turn: "Oh yes, please! Stay. We can all build a snowman tomorrow or go tobogganing together!” Nobody was able to tell him 'no'. In the backpack for Morgan there was a supply of formula and diapers for what felt like half a week, so why not? And so all the Stark boys and Bucky found themselves in their old bedrooms for the night.

[Alpine's evening meal, served by the automatic feeder was welcome, but not the same as when _her_ human was providing her with food, giving loving words and attention and pats. Where was he? Humans were so weird. Why did they keep leaving the house? They were so stupid. But they were also somehow endearing. Some of them. _Her_ human, of course, and the tiny thing, probably. Of course not the _mountain of meat_. She wasn't some dog! Honestly.]


	98. Is it too much to ask For?

**Is it too much to ask For?**

Morgan got her night bottle and Steve carried her around until she fell asleep. Bucky had built a pillow castle on Steve's old couch and his husband put the baby in it. For several minutes they hunched over her, hand in hand smiling and watched their daughter in her slumber. Then Steve turned to Bucky. "Can I make you to come down your pants now? You know, for nostalgic reasons." Bucky's breath hitched for a moment, he laughed shakily: "I still have nothing with me to change."

"Then we should take our clothes off very quickly now, so they will be reasonably clean tomorrow morning." With these words, he pulled Bucky into his arms and kissed him dizzying. "Oh, Steve ..." Bucky groaned when his husband hastily opened his shirt buttons, slipping the shirt over his shoulders. Bucky helped him overzealously, tugging on his pants, they were pretty tight, Steve directed him to his teenage bed, pushed him on it, pulling strongly on the tight pants legs. Bucky was almost naked while Steve was still wearing all of his clothes. He threw himself and his entire weight onto his husband getting Bucky out of breath.

"Baby, what we've done herein ... I remember each second of it," Steve whispered roughly. "Steve! Undress yourself. Right away!” Bucky pressed out. Steve was only too ready to execute this particular order. Bucky's last items of clothing, his boxers and socks followed quickly and they were pressed together, naked. "I love you ...", both sighed almost simultaneously before they got all hot an steamy. They had nothing to have sex with, but the sensation of their memories of the early days in Steve's old room intoxicated them.

They kissed like possessed men, enthusiastically rubbing their midsections together while their hands rummaged in their hair or explored all accessible parts of their bodies, passionately caressing, clawing, pulling, tugging to go with their endless kisses. Between the ecstatic actions they were whispering feverishly how much they loved and wanted each other. Bucky came first. It had always been him to come down his pants untouched and uncontrolled when they were getting sexy in inappropriate situations.

Steve, who basically needed a little more stimulation, whispered: "Baby ... you are unique ... falling apart without much an ado... touch me or get your gorgeous hot mouth on me, please.", His voice broke a little. Bucky instantly went down Steve's body to put his sizable dick in his mouth, all the way to the hilt. Steve arched up uncontrollably making Bucky to choke a little with quickly getting the reflex under control. It didn't take long for Steve and he warned his husband out of old habit. He was about to come any moment. Bucky grunted in agreement around his cock and Steve – hissing from the vibrating around his cockhead - shot his load down Bucky's throat, all of his fingers tangeld in his wonderful silky hair.

A little while later, Bucky crawled up to Steve, let himself be hugged and pressed against Steve's warm, strong body. "I ..." he paused to kiss Steve's shoulder. He continued to speak for him: "I love you too, so much, Bucky. You are ... perfect.” “Alright..." Bucky breathed out a little exhausted, “Remember when you hear me knocking my thumbnail against my teeth." Steve hated that. Bucky always did so when thinking hard. "I'm gonna try. Good night, darling.” “Night, baby." They knew their night – with Morgan - would be short. She would wake up hungry around 2am and their night would end half past six at the latest when the baby would demand their well-earned attention ...

Near half past six Morgan woke up and Bucky and Steve hurried to go down to the kitchen to heat up her formula. Tony also came down a few minutes later. He had never needed much sleep before, and having his whole family in the house drove him out of bed. He had a stack of laundry with him, old things from his boys that had stayed in the house. Now he had at least some clean underpants and socks for all the overnight guests.

"Give her to me, Steve," he said firmly, "and sit down with Bucky, your night's sleep's been short." Bucky was only half awake and Steve gave his father the baby and the bottle, starting the coffee machine. He got toast, butter and jam from the fridge and cupboards, poured some coffee and finally settled at the dining table next to Bucky. He leaned against his husband dropping his head on Steve's shoulder. "Some coffee, baby?" He whispered and Bucky grunted in agreement. "Slice a' toast to it, too?" Another grunt.

Steve, who had always been a cheery morning person, applied butter and jam to some toast, cut it into bite-size pieces, feeding his sleepy sweetheart while he helped himself to small sips of coffee. Tony smiled, "It's just like the good old days. Two of you are at the table in shorts and t-shirt, your hair a mess and Bucky is still half asleep. Now you have given me a granddaughter. Thanks for that.” He looked down at the happily suckling baby. "She is beautiful ..." he breathed. "Yes, isn't she, Dad?" Steve answered proudly. Bucky was just grumbling again, this was his only form of communication before seven o'clock.

"Go upstairs another hour or two, sleep in a little bit, I have a feeling Morgan and I are getting along well," Tony suggested. The baby was finished with her breakfast, looking curiously at her grandfather. "Hey, baby girl. Do you want to spend some time with your Grandpa? We don't need your daddies for that. They can go sleep a little more, can't they?” Morgan beamed. "You see?" Tony called softly with his eyes on the little one again, a happy smile on his lips.

"Dad ... is this actually alright?" Steve asked, and Bucky actually took his communication skills to the second level with a "Really?" "It's alright! Steve, take your husband to bed, he's in need of some more sleep. When Pete's waking up, action's gonna be spread! And take some clean laundry with you.” Tony laughed waving them off. At that Steve got up, pulled Bucky with him, smiling at his father with a "thank you, dad.". They left the kitchen with some items of laundry.

Back in Steve's old room, they climbed to bed again snuggling up together. Steve was in the mood for it, but Bucky was still too drowsy so he limited himself to gently scratching him behind his ear, which made Bucky sigh but didn't turn on enough to replace his need for sleep. Steve was fine. He watched Bucky sleeping and quietly enjoyed their happiness. Bucky's biorhythm woke up around half past eight with a certain part of his anatomy growing against Steve's thigh, which delighted him. Though he didn't expect much of it. Bucky was not the best morning performer. But he wanted to cuddle with him a bit. Searching his mouth, Bucky, half awake, slurred:

"Yeah baby, kiss me." "A pleasure, Sleeping Beauty." For that he got a punch from Bucky's knee under the covers, but he let himself be kissed anyway. After a few minutes, however, their good manners won and they got up, showered, dressed and went back down. Tony and Loki chatted while Peter held the baby in his arms. "We're making breakfast for everyone," Bucky offered. Loki raised an eyebrow at Steve. "He's making breakfast, I'm setting the table." "So gladly so.", Everyone, including Steve, grinned. He was creation's crowning glory of all the family's bad chefs. Steve and Bucky got to work and when a formidable breakfast was almost ready, Tony sent his youngest upstairs to get the family's late risers, Pepper and Thor.

Bucky felt very attached to the two of them, he was still tired and had a faint inkling he would be this way every morning for a long time from now on. But he looked at his man and baby smiling. Breakfast was loud, noisy and great fun, everything Bucky had always loved at the Starks' home. Morgan was in Thor's lap, who finally had to practice, as he stated, taking a nap. When it was time for her next meal, she woke up and since, in a kind of silent agreement, her parents had decided Bucky ought to - for some time - take over the feeding which was satisfactory for the baby, he gave her her bottle. After all, a way to someone's heart is through their stomach...

Steve meanwhile helped his father and Peter gather all of their old snow boots, snow gloves, toboggans and thermos cups available in the house. Thor and Loki heated up a giant pot of hot chocolate and Pepper looted all of the cookie plates throughout the house to pack a pleasing winter picnic. Her phone vibrated with a message from Natasha. Pepper ran into the hall calling everyone together. She announced enthusiastically: “Wanda's baby is born. It is a girl. Olga Tatjana Marie. Everyone is doing well and very happy!” This made for some genuine cheering. The extended Stark family was such a great bunch!

All of them liked the day in the snow. Loki and Thor fought a bitter snowball fight with Steve and Peter, while Bucky rocked Morgan in the stroller talking to his parents-in-law about his business. To Tony about the technical aspects and to Pepper about the balance sheets. Bucky was a little worried he might have bit off more than one can chew, and now when he was a father he _needed_ more money while the same time be working less. No word was falling about Steve's money. Everyone knew this was a sore point with his husband. Pepper tried to calm him down and promised to look at the balance sheets again and maybe find some more little tricks with taxation which would help him put more money aside.

"The water cooling system from your testing station is a little outdated," Tony remarked. "There are types more effective with using less energy." "I know, but I'm afraid my creditworthiness is exhausted. I needed a new spring tensioner last month.” “Which type did you get yourself?” “The Caterpillar MT-23.” “Good choice, it offers the best possible occupational safety.” “Altogether with the highest price.” “It's it worth it, my boy. Those are the most dangerous device in many repair shops.”

"The most dangerous device in my repair shop is me," Bucky smirked at his father-in-law. Tony laughed. His mother-in-law blushed a little. But maybe it was from the cold ... Tony suggested: “I might come over with Peter between Christmas and New Year. The three of us could take a look at your testing station cooler. Maybe you can optimize something.” Bucky was pleased his father-in-law - who was Tony _fucking_ Stark after all - didn't force himself on him, not rubbing the genius in his face. He didn't always have to know everything better, although of course he did, he _actually_ knew better … But though.

"Thank you, dad. That would be nice. Whenever you want to!” “Ginger cookie?" Pepper held one out to him, he took a bite making her turn a light pink again. Bucky rarely noticed affection to himself in women, and additionally he would never have suspected Steve's mother! Tony smirked, raising his eyebrows at her and shook his head a little. Barely noticeable she raised a shoulder, which meant: _what should I do, he_ is _cute_. Morgan woke up sowly. "Go feed her in the car, the parking heater is on," Tony suggested and Bucky toddled off with his daughter, who let hear a moderately baby-like squawking, taking the giant backpack with baby's stuff with them.

"Pep," he rebuked good-naturedly, "If Bucky realizes at some point, he'll be scared to death." "He is not going to. He _is_ quite a treat, Tony, I'm just peeking a little, as always.” “I know. And I am infinitely grateful to that. You could have had so many men. Taller men than me,” he teased her. "I've always wanted only you. After all, you've always been the most dangerous device in your workshop, too. Up to today, even when our charming son-in-law is in there with you.” She winked, earning a fond smile. He believed her. Learning about Steve's infidelity in that summer came back to his mind. It had badgered him back then, and a few days after he had finally asked Pepper if she had always been loyal to him over the years.

Their marriage was rock solid steady so he could allow himself that a question which would have deeply offended many wives. And Pepper, who had a clue about where this suddenly had come from, admitted she had been tempted at times because of her sometimes weak self-confidence. That had happened to her definitely more than ever to him. But she had never gone with it. She _had_ always been loyal. He had actually known, he found out. He shook his head in amazement when he looked over at the van in which Bucky gave bottle-feeded his baby.

Most people would not believe it was much easier for men like Bucky or himself to resist temptations than for people who weren't hit on that often. Maybe the shields were simply stronger from all the practice, he finished his thoughts smiling widely. "What is it?" his wife demanded. "Are the boys still alive? We should tackle the biggest snowman of all time like every year” “I'm letting you men play alone with this meanwhile having my sweet granddaughter all for me alone. Tony, isn't she adorable? ”, She leaned happily against him. "She is. I am so very happy, too."

The biggest snowman of all time was again barely 7'2”. "What are we doing wrong?" Peter cried out sadly. "We have a lot of snow, there are six of us, we have learned from our mistakes each year and still ..." "Let's take the head and the torso off and try to make them bigger," Steve suggested. "Yeah, let's go!" Thor exclaimed enthusiastically getting to work with Steve. They were the strongest of them all. Loki watched them and thought. _That would not work_. Peter, who was standing next to him, was also thinking. "That's not going to work!" He called.

Loki smiled to himself. Tony, who had of course analyzed and solved the problem for a long time, said nothing about it, his clever boys could and would solve it alone. Bucky was not at it, it had occurred to him half an hour ago the workshop would soon have to pay a fee to have cleared the sidewalk from snow, as well as the quarterly bill for street lighting and area security. Adding that up, costs around $ 2700, which he didn't have, at least not on the recurring budget account. He would have to pay it out of his private account.

More and more he had to realize he worked for the wages of an auxiliary worker... his expression darkened somewhat. Peter's bright voice echoed over the field: "Wait a sec!" Thor and Steve stopped in surprise. They had already rolled around the two giant globes in the snow for more volume. “The base first has to be more stable. Otherwise gravity and weight of the larger globes will cancel each other out.” Steve and Thor looked at him a little lost, while Loki nodded contentedly, _clever little brother_ and Tony beamed even more contentedly. Strike! He and Peter, as well as Steve and Thor, rushed to the task with enthusiasm.

"What are they doing?" Bucky had appeared next to Loki. He explained the problem and how Peter had solved it. Bucky was impressed. It was simple and completely obvious, but you had to figure out first. He glanced sideways at his brother-in-law: "So Thor is going to be a father too." "He will handle it with the same unwavering optimism like everything else in his life." “The lucky one.” “We're just different, Bucky.” Loki looked at him seriously but not unkindly. Bucky didn't know what to say about this, so he smiled: "Anyway, I'm happy for him ...", he laughed, "Think about it: he gave out a few sheets at the age of 14, fell in love and now he's gonna be steering a camper to the desert to raise a child."

"And at the age of eleven you met the boy who was your best friend in summer camp in the school playground. Look at you now." Loki no longer looked serious, but very friendly now. Bucky winked at him cheerfully: "I guess I was very lucky." "I hope Thor makes me their godfather.", Loki looked at the jolly group around the snowman again, his favorite brother enthroned on the now properly compacted base of the biggest snowman of all times and boomed laughing: "When it can support even me without collapsing, nothing can go wrong!" His brothers and father fell into his contagious laugh. "Bucky!" Steve called over to them. "Come here, we can use any brain that's got a clue of physics!"

He smiled and trudged off. When Steve arrived, he frowned: "Baby, are you all right?" Bucky's financial worries must have been clearly written on his face. "Yes, I am. It's not anything that is important for the next ten days.” So it had something to do with his business, Steve thought. Probably bills. If Bucky would only take some money from him and if only it was borrowed! But every time they were talking about it, Bucky said if he was creditworthy, he would get the money from the bank without screwing anyone. Screwing Steve didn't make him a bit more creditworthy…

The snowman reached an impressive size of 8'3”. Everyone cheered. Tony took a few photos of all of his boys - including Bucky - with the giant. After they decided to go back. Everyone was getting a little cold. Loki, Bucky and Morgen were with Tony, Pepper - who had spent three hours in the warm car with her granddaughter - and Peter in the van. Thor and Steve, not knowing what being cold even was, went home with Thor's old snowmobile. Peter chattered cheerfully and happily the whole way. Everyone praised him very much for his clever solution of finally being able to help the snowman grow tall.

"Well," he mumbled humbly, "I've only been the first to figure out." "Pete?" Bucky asked, "Do you know what you want do after school?" "Ah ... there is so much, that interests me. Biochemistry is incredibly exciting. Or engineering like Dad, of course, I have a bit of talent for those.” The understatement made all of them smile - except Morgan, she was sleeping and she was a baby. "Maybe I make up my mind, though, of something completely different, I don't know? To be a teacher like Steve, I like kids after all!", he hesitated.

"And I would like to help people. The little man, you know. Make it a little easier for those who are not as well doing as me. Your friendly Spider-Man from neighborhood, you know!” he joked. "I've got four sons and finally one wants to be a superhero!" Tony cried out with a laugh. "Uh, Dad ..." "Pete. There are tons of jobs where you can get involved for the little man. If you want to get a degree somewhere at social work, we are just as proud of you as if you are aiming for the Nobel Prize. ”

"We're reasonably rich, aren't we?" This question, colored by Peter's natural modesty, made everyone laugh. _Reasonably_ rich ... "Why are you asking, darling?" Pepper wanted to know. "I've been thinking and maybe I've had some really good ideas about foundations for some charity." "Shoot!" Everybody wanted to know. And Peter bubbled away. Everyone was impressed and very proud. "Maybe we can really dare to invest a little money in various foundations, Spiderling," Tony said, acting up the thoughtful. In truth, he was almost bursting with joy and, of course, love for his wonderful child.

"Phew," Peter said. “I don't actually want to get a degree at social work or anything. But when we're doing something – I know I am doing my part for society. Dad! Tinkering with you in the workshop and developing things is the greatest thing for me! And if at some point, you don't like it anymore, desiring to go on a trip around the world with Mom or go to a karate school or whatever, I want to continue what you've done. Your life's work ought to go on to exist."

A heavy silence followed his words, thick to cut, so Peter instantly got nervous. "I mean ... not that anyone could do it as well as you ..." "Stop it!" Tony called passionately and a little tearful. "You make us all all whiney and sniffy. Pete, my incredible Spider-Boy and ...well, I have no words, have you heard that before?” Pepper next to him sniffed audibly. Loki nudged Peter's shoulder between the seats. "You exceed all our high expectations, little brother." Peter swallowed, making a noise like 'urgh'. Bucky said softly, "Loki, try differently."

And he did: “Peter, I can't imagine a better person than you to continue what father is doing. With him together up to the time he's finally going on this world trip or studying karate in China or whatever. Then you can do it your own, I'm sure of it. But you know, no matter what you do, as long as there are people like you, this chaotic place called Earth will run. You want to dedicate your life to the things interesting to you, most people do so. But you still think of the little man. Pete ... ", his voice grew unusually warm, "You can be great in everything you do and still do good. Even if we weren't all that rich, you could help old people across the street or carry shopping bags up the stairs, you're someone who's doing things like that. Have your degree in something you like the most and help people outside of it.” Peter, hanging half backwards over the backrest between his parents, beamed at his brother. "Loki! Wow. That's been ... you've really helped me out! Thank you. Thank you a thousand times for this. You are the best!” Loki gave a hint of a smile, he thought that had been nice.

*

Much later, after Morgan pulled off a late tantrum and finally slept in her pillow castle, Steve hugged Bucky. "Baby ... can't I help you out a little with your bills?" His husband released him immediately, as if he had burned himself. "Steve," he hissed. "Not this again. You know I _hate_ it.” “Bucky! I haven't meant to offend you. Forget it, I'm not going to ask you again, alright? "

Bucky hesitated briefly, gave in, and let himself be hugged again. He said, "Shit, we still don't have anything to have sex with." Steve leaned back a bit, smirking. "I've found some lube and condoms when I was looking for my old snow gloves. I've put it in the nightstand.” “Stevie...” Bucky raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Do you think the stuff's still good? How old is it?” “Can it decay?” “Condoms do have an expiry date, this a fact.” Steve giggled. "I'm currently in my sterile cycle days. If you want to, you can also take my temperature for safety.” Bucky poked him in his side, but not very firmly. "But you do know where the largest amount of the stuff's going. Not exactly an insensitive area in case of irritation.” “Ah, it's not bad having my sensitive spots like that, is it? And by the way, 'irritation' comes from Latin. Irritor."

“Which means?” “Different things – in this case I'm being excited.” Bucky rolled his eyes. "Ty menya rasstroil. You excite me – but in an annoying way.” “But I _am_ exciting you, aren't I?” He smirked. "Potseluy menya." Steve's eyes narrowed. "I think you've said that to me many times. What does it mean again?” “You've started with your pompous Latin.” “Tell me ... please!” “Kiss me.” “Will you tell me after?" Bucky laughed. "'Potseluy menya' _means_ 'kiss me'." “I've known you said this to me many times. Always thought it was something nasty. Russian's always sounding aggressive.” “Ty sladkaya." Bucky's voice was soft and affectionate, not sounding the slightest aggressively.

"Serve me statim! - Polite for go down on me.” "We're shit at flirting, don't you think so?" Bucky laughed. Steve came up with: "Yes. We are a bit out of practice.” “We've never been in practice actually. Head over heels, we've jumped in back then. Without any proper flirting.” “Then we ought to get started with it, I think.” “But not today, it's already late and you know how hot I'm getting from your posh Latin.“, Bucky grinned. "Let's see how old and clumped the lube in the bedside table is." Steve was very much in favor.

The lube was still unopened and in excellent condition. The condoms were four or five years old, probably forgotten at a sleepover after a family party, and expired. "I'm not going to get pregnant," Steve quipped. "Haha. They're not coated, so we can't be allergic either.” “Your sex talk is on point, as usually.” Steve teased. "Zatknis'", this meant "shut up," Steve knew. He pulled Bucky on top of his rocking his hips invitingly against him. After some serious making-out, he pushed him up a bit. "Baby, I want you to come first tonight and I want you to look me in the eye at it."

"I've come before you many times." “Not exactly _that_ many times. Please ... I'm always too foggy after orgasm and I want to see you fall apart, fully aware, will you do this for me, please?” Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Aimlessly humping into you like some beginner? Me?” “ With keeping your hands off me.” Bucky shook his head, but without force." I don't think there is a second top in the world ordered around like me." That was a joke. Many bottoms were extremely bossy, just like Steve. He wrinkled his nose. "You like me ordering you around." “Haven't claimed anything else." "So you'll do?"

Bucky nodded bowing his head to kiss again. He quickly got in the mood and focused on his own pleasure. Steve let his legs hang over Bucky's shoulders, which made him tight for him and he was watching his face all the time. A wonderful sight, he thought. How Bucky got lost in him, with each thrust his nostrils flared a little, his tongue often licked his lips, his eyebrows were a little narrowed, but his eyes were open, for Steve ... He reached out for Bucky's back, his shoulders, to his chest, playing with his nipples. Sometimes he grabbed his ass to pull him in deeper. He acknowledged the occasional stimulation of his prostate with the sweetest little noises and Bucky's orgasm soon approached unstoppably.

He jerked his head to Steve, who slid one of his legs from Bucky's shoulder down his arm. He understood, grabbed his ankle, pushing his leg in a straight postion to change the angle for even more tightness and friction. Something suddenly was different, but Bucky couldn't tell what it was, his orgasm was already burning in a pleasurable tightness deeply in his abdomen. "I godda co-hum," he spluttered, looking into Steve's eyes, his body tensed, the muscles in his neck came out, his arms trembled, his mouth got slack, and a tremor shook his whole body .

Steve was so turned on by the sight, his prick, half-hard so far, instantly grew to its imposing size and then he felt it. A sensation in him he had never felt. Only because he was so attentive, all senses sharpened with forcing himself to keep his head reasonably clear and focus, he realized what he was feeling deep inside himself: It was Bucky's cum. Not hot, of course, like on his skin when it hit him there, after all, inside his body he was as warm as it. But how it hit his inside walls, as if a tiny water pistol was aiming on very sensitive nerves, a little ticklish, a little bit filthy, extremly intimate and just awesome! He groaned stretched:

"Bucky! I ... wow ... I want all of this, everything, give me some mooore!", last of his words dragged on making Bucky answer automatically: "E-everything for you, m-my sweet baby, you feel fantastic, your hot, tight, sweet little hole, so good for me. I … so l-lovely.” One last shiver before Bucky collapsed onto Steve. At this point he realized what had been different... _why_ it had been feeling a bit different than usual.

"The condom's broken," he whispered. "I've noticed. Incredible!” “I'm sorry.” “You're kidding? That was hot as fuck! To feel you come in me, shoot into me, fill me up. I ... wow, baby, I want that again.” Bucky put a hand between them to pull his dick with the broken condom out of Steve. He took it off and examined the damage. It was torn but the pieces looked complete, at least. "I've never had sex without a condom before," Bucky stated. "Neither have I, not with you, you know, and otherwise I'm even taking one for blow-jo ..."

"Steve!", The sharp tone made him jump. "Are you seriously telling me about your infidelity habits while we're naked in bed together after having sex?" Bucky slid from him and supported himself on his elbow next to him. One leg was still over one of Steve's but otherwise he had pulled away from him completely. His face was in the shadows, as was Steve's, but Bucky could still see the expression of sheer horror on it. He seemed horrified at what he had said. Well, Bucky's pity was limited. It was definitely not one of the sweeter occasions when Steve's mouth was faster than his brain.

"Bucky ... oh my god, I'm so sorry. I've been out of my mind, I ...” In Bucky's head a thought came up: 'wouldn't have happened if you had nothing to tell' but he didn't let it slip out. "Bucky, say something..." He decided on changing the topic: "When it's leaking out your ass on the toilet tomorrow, you won't find it that hot and exciting anymore." "I'm going to know tomorrow. Let's see... Are you mad?" "I'm not exactly delighted” “I'm such a moron sometimes, Bucky ... I'm really sorry.” “Hm.” “I don't expect you to contradict me.” “I haven't planned so." "I've only wanted you to not worry because we've ... ", he hesitated.

"Because we've had unprotected sex, Stevie? We're married, your last health check was as clean as mine. Where could a problem for me be? You're having the sticky mess in your body.” Steve swallowed. "I like it." "Wait and see about that." "It wasn't so much the thought of any STD, but rather ...", he stopped hesitantly. "Spit it out." "You've never asked, even though we've been together for so long. Lots of men want to do it without a condom and I've been wondering if you might ... somehow ... well" he hesitated again. "Steven, just go on with it, come to a point, for heaven's sake. Usually your mouth's running like a rapid-fire rifle, what are you about?"

Steve took a deep breath and said bravely, "Do you find the thought of doing it without somehow gross? Getting your dick there, where ... well ... you've mentioned the toilet earlier.” Bucky was speechless. "Bucky?" Steve whispered a little fearfully. He gathered himself again realizing he had to try very hard not to laugh out loud. This was absurd and somehow insanely funny and Steve would be so hurt, so he suppressed the impulse. "Are you serious? I'm putting my fingers in there and my goddamn tongue! How do you get this idea?"

"Yeah," Steve admitted sheepishly, "I know! But maybe you are more touchy about it with your dick.” “More touchy than with my tongue? My TONGUE?” He bit his lip, he really had to laugh. You could already hear it from his a bit high-pitched voice. "Bucky!", It sounded a bit tearful, but also pretty defiant. Steve would definitely be offended if he laughed, at least if he was the first to do so.

"Stevie, nothing about you, nothing from you, about or in your body, is gross for me. No matter what part of my body is touching it. To put something of mine into your Mac'n'Cheese experiments would be gross.” Steve had to laugh, Bucky fell in relieved - finally! "Forgive me. I'm begging you, please, forgive me. I'm so so sorry." Bucky, who was wiping tears from laughter tear out the corners of his eyes, got all soft and affectionate from Steve's vulnerable, pleading and somehow small voice. He knew what Steve was pleading for forgiveness for. "You only want get off, admit it," he chuckled, but in a fond way.

"Not necessarily. I only want you to be happy, baby.” “Alright then, settle for the night, sweetie?" “Erm...” “I've known..." Bucky laughed. Steve punched him on the upper arm getting serious: "Forgive me?" Bucky got serious, too: "Yes, I do. You're a punk, but I can't help. I love you.” He put a hand on Steve's face. "I know your mouth is sometimes on autopilot. It's okay. I do forgive you. Would you like to get off now? ”, He purred. Steve hitched a breath audibly. "Yeah, I could do with it..."

Cuddling intimately Bucky got his hand down on Steve, working on his cock, his balls and - he was curious, he couldn't deny. Steve still was a bit open and he pushed a finger into him, soon after a second one. So that's how this felt. The cum, mixed with lube, stuck to his fingers when he went back to Steve's balls. He grabbed his wrist, bringing his hand to his mouth, sucking them sticky fingers in with filthy slurping noises. Enthusiastically he curled his tongue around them, to get them clean to the last drop. Bucky was holding his breath, shakily whispering: "You're some filthy cum slut – whoever has thought so." Steve released his clean-licked fingers with a loud pop.

"Do you like it?" "All devils in hell, yes!" Steve smirked, but his grin fell from his face when Bucky got serious again about attacking his cock making him come quickly and hard in a mist of stars, want, heat and _Buckybuckybucky_! There was only little soon waning guilt left. Later they snuggled together tightly under their soft blanket. "How long have we got?" Bucky looked at the dimly glowing alarm clock. "An hour, maybe one and a half." "Urgh."

But Morgan quickly fell asleep again after her night bottle and when Bucky came back Steve mumbled: "Mom wants to go to the mall with me and Morgan tomorrow, we're going back home with a suitcase full of new baby clothes." Bucky stiffened a little. "Bucky," Steve groaned annoyed. "She's not doing this because she thinks you can't afford to provide your daughter with clothing. She's her grandmother, she enjoys this, doing it for herself."

Bucky felt a little ashamed. "'m sorry." "The last baby in the family had been wearing only Spider-Man suits for five years. Mom's getting all of her faith in a little girl for now." Bucky had to laugh. "I'm letting her have this treat. We're gonna have a baby in Prada and Gucci.” “She'll look fantastic, look at my mom!” “Without a doubt, she'll look fantastic. The trendiest baby in New York." "We're in need of a second huge closet like yours.” “Shut up.” “You want to sleep in tomorrow, baby? We want to leave early.” “Best question you've ever asked me, I love you.” "Ah well, charming – best question, pff!” Bucky smiled to himself dreamily. “ Go to sleep now.” “G'night, Stevie.", He only gave a fond murmuring sound as an answer.

When Bucky woke up around nine the next day - Steve had left with Morgan and Pepper for a long time - he noticed he had missed the opportunity to tell Steve he was wondering if he was still cheating. He didn't know, either Steve didn't do it anymore or he'd become a lot more discreet with it ... well, they _were_ married now and ... Bucky suddenly was hit by a pang of guilt again. Steve was what he was and Bucky had promised - sworn - to fully accept him like he was! But he wanted this so much on the other hand ... Steve being loyal to him, that he loved and needed and wanted only _him_... Was that too much to ask for? 'Yes, it is.' his conscience told him in a firm voice, but his heart whispered softly and much more vehemently: _No, it's not.._. _The next time I'm telling him and I'm going to ask for this,_ he resolved to just do so.

There was no next time …

Never again Steve let fall such a stupid remark from him and never again did Bucky have to assume his husband was cheating ...


	99. A new Star(k) in Jane's Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pic at the end!

**A new Star(k) in Jane's Sky**

The birth date of the Foster-Stark baby was getting closer. Jane was in good health, perfectly round and bursting with energy – and from joy. She no longer worked as much as a quarter of a year ago, fervently asked for it by her partner. And refusing Thor anything, in that she was a dead loss. He'd carry her to the end of the world and was the most attentive, loving, anytime cheerful man a woman could ask for. He was like the sun - oh what - a thousand suns in her life! Him being a picture of a man turning people's heads was not to be scoffed at, either. He even didn't notice, she sometimes had the feeling. Their life was perfect! And soon there were three of them ...

She was banned from night work. So she evaluated the collected data of the night all day, carefully put in order by her loyal colleague and dear friend Darcy Lewis. But the day never really turned out to be a really good day until her boyfriend came to the laboratory, beaming brightly like a summer day, to kidnap her for a walk - after all, that was important for her health and that of the baby. In March, Bucky and Steve had transferred the camping truck modified by their brother-in-law from New York to Arizona together with their then nine-month-old daughter as a kind of short vacation and test drive. Everything went smoothly and when the small family arrived, Thor and Jane were simply thrilled with their new home.

Jane had hardly been able to get to know her new relatives at this point, apart from her in-laws and the youngest Stark, Peter, who had visited them in Arizona the first week of January to get to know the addition to the family, giving her a warm welcome to it. All the three of them were enchantingly showing genuine interest and an immediate liking to her. She had feared they would be resentful for her stealing Thor away from them, who would after all, be living so far away from everyone from now on, but no one gave her any bad feelings. She was impressed by Tony Stark, which everyone had always been in the scientific world and was quickly drawn to her mother-in-law, being pretty different from her professional somewhat cool facade and who was soon joking around with her like a peer. The 'family baby' Peter, 16 years old, showed his admiration for her work openly and was an as pleasant and interesting conversation partner as his father.

She introduced them to her foster father and mentor, Dr Erik Selvig, and everyone spent many a happy evening that week. Steve and Bucky had known her from high school, if not very well, and them both and their baby often met with 'Uncle' Thor in video chats and she was sometimes there, too. Morgan Buchanan Stark was adorable being almost idolized by her fathers, so it seemed. The little girl also was wearing the trendiest clothes she'd ever seen on a baby. Well, her daddy Bucky had always been dressing as exquisitely like she remembered ...

She was amazed when, on March 11, 2033, James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes jumped out of the driver's cabin of the spacious off-road truck in a checkered shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and work trousers. His long brunette hair tied into a messy knot, he looked so different from in high school and yet there was still so much about him as it'd been 13 years ago on his and Steve's graduation prom. The very lean body with long legs, the pretty face with the dazzling bright eyes and the smile, with which he was scrunching up his nose a bit. Her boyfriend ran to say hello to him and Bucky literally threw himself into Thor's widely spread arms. Well, can you blame him? Jane asked herself amused. At that moment Steve came around the truck with the little girl on his arms and Thor gently pushed Bucky away to hug his brother and niece.

Bucky turned to Jane with rather pink cheeks. "Well, Jane, are you going to let me repeat your _entrance exam_ again?" The teasing, somewhat cocky grin, one eyebrow raised, one hand on his left daringly protruded hip; Jane had to laugh: "It is you after all. I've already had some doubts.” “What are you talking about, space girl, do you dare to suggest the years haven't been good to me?", He winked. "You have to come to terms with it: The highlight of your glory you had with a plush tail on your butt and a kitschy tinblade crown on your head." “You're a mean one.” They laughed when Thor and Steve came to them with Morgan. "Man alive!" Jane exclaimed, "Hello Steve! You Stark men have all become pretty sightly guys.” They shook hands. "Well ...", Steve looked very flattered, "I would say good genes." "Well, then I've done everything right." With that she caressed her sweet round belly, which was covered by an oversized sweater (one of Thor's).

Morgan was shy with strangers at the time watching them both with great suspicion, but Thor and Jane were sensible and prepared by her fathers and decided sweet-tempered to give the girl the time. They exchanged news over a meal in the restaurant of the Kitt Peak National Observatory. Bucky and Steve shared their day-to-day life with a baby and told them about Bucky's 32nd birthday the day before, which they had spent in the Grand Canyon as an exclusive mini-party in the evening with a weatherproof army tent, a warmly packed baby and a campfire. Their hosts assumed Steve and Bucky had been making love under a breathtaking starry sky, but of course it was not discussed.

Jane found Steve hadn't changed, except for his new look. He was a bit loud, a little pompous making glowing speeches as always. Bucky, on the other hand ... She was amazed at how down-to-earth, unpretentious and grown up the former classmate had gotten - once infamous for his glamorous demeanor. He was a self-made small business owner, as she knew from Thor, and his ambition and work ethics had brought him far in a short time. Now he was raising a child with his husband. If someone at Sanctuary had predicted this at the time, no one would have believed. She really liked the new Bucky. And both were amazingly devoted parents! The little girl increasingly grew warm with her aunt and uncle, strengthened by the loving support of her parents, so soon Thor and even she - a stranger - could make the little one laugh.

After lunch, Bucky showed the new owners of the luxurious motorhome everything there was to know about it and while Steve gave Morgan a bath in Jane's apartment, after all they hadn't been able to do that despite all the luxury in the camper van and the little one had missed the beloved wet pleasure painfully that week. Later in the afternoon, Bucky was guided through Jane's astro labs while Steve and Thor made themselves comfortable in the truck with Morgan. "Has Loki visited you since you've come live here?" Thor's face fell a little and he shook his head sadly. "He's taking it very hard that I've left New York." "Has he said so?" "He would never do this, he's wishing me the best and all happiness like no one else, but I can feel it each time we're on the phone. I've always been the closest to him from all of us.” Steve nodded in agreement.

"I hope he'll come when the baby is born." Steve was confident: "I am convinced! None of us will miss it! Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?” “No, we don't. We want to be surprised.” “Bucky has set up the baby corner in the camper in neutral colors.” “What your husband screwed us together is terrific, Steve! You have to be very proud of him.” “I am, Thor. Believe me.” After a nice evening of good conversation, Steve, Bucky and Morgan were sleeping in the RV for the last time and the next day Thor took them to the airport. "Seeing again in May!" "All the best."

In early May, from one day to the next, everything got too tiring, too heavy, Jane was always tired and at the same time filled with an inner unrest. Her belly was huge and she hardly dared to walk more than a quarter of an hour away from a toilet. Thor devotedly cared for her, brushing her hair, doing her toenails, massaging her now aching back and - most importantly: making her laugh. Countless stories of his family when they were kids and later when they were teenagers with a baby brother. And often Loki was the focus of his stories. Of course, Jane was aware the younger brother was very close to her boyfriend. He was a little scary to her. In some video chats between the brothers she had attended, he had always seemed cool and uninterested in her person.

Of course Thor had always tried to draw a different picture of his beloved brother, but although he was otherwise so convincing, he failed at this. So Jane was not really thrilled when her mother-in-law informed her and Thor that not only she would - as had been planned for a long time - come down from New York to help them a little bit with the baby for the first time, but also her brother-in-law had asked whether he could accompany his mother to get to know the new little family properly. Of course, as best she could, she didn't show anything, because Thor was overjoyed and he didn't notice anything either, since Jane had lost a bit of her natural cheerfulness in the last few days before the due day anyway. She was accordingly nervous when her boyfriend picked up his mother and Loki from the airport on May 8th taking them to the suite of the intimate maternity clinic in Tucson, a luxurious and very expensive private facility.

For the mother of his unborn child, and of course the baby, Thor wasn't too proud to spend the inherited money. So their guests found themselves in comfortably furnished guest rooms, where they both freshened up a little before going to their hosts in the living area. Thor had put a lot of effort into his brother's tea while Jane was making coffee for her mother-in-law and laying out cookies for everyone on a platter. Seeing how the tallest and most massive of her big boys carefully and gently settled his girlfriend on the living room sofa, pushing a pillow in her back and putting her feet onto a small stool was making her very soft. Thor was such a good man. Loki was inspecting the bookshelf and, surprised but enthusiastic, he pulled out a badly shredded paperback. Shakespeare's sonnets, an edition in Old English, which he also owned himself. It automatically opened in his hands on one of his favorites. Notes were written on the edge in crisp handwriting.

"I didn't think I would find this here, in a maternity hospital suite, nor would I have expected anyone to write notes down in it. Interesting thoughts this person has given 130: I briefly read out the section:

_My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;  
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;  
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;  
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. _

And here is the note:

'Go, buy lipstick, polish too, for left and right hand;

beautify yourself day in and day out.

I'll plan to go out and search to world's end,

to find me one who loves me without.'

A truly wise person gave birth to a child who's hopefully come out just as smart."

Jane had turned a bright red, which Loki didn't notice. He smiled at his mother, who loved the sonnets as much as he did. Thor went to his brother, took the booklet from his hand with a small smile on his lips, opened it at the front giving it back to him with the words: "Read the dedication, brother."

The dedication in the book was not written in a very beautiful handwriting:

"When your mind's in need of a little rest from science ...

Happy 20th birthday and have fun with these crazy rhymes.

I know you love them.

For Jane,

in love

Erik "

Loki was speechless. His sister-in-law let out her characteristic nervous giggle, lifted one shoulder and said: “I know, this ode to non-beauty I have written must seem like mockery to you, since I have swiped me the most beautiful man in this hemisphere.” Thor rolled his eyes good-naturedly, his mother chuckled and Loki nodded with a shy smile. "I am convinced the very witty owner of this book will give birth to a wonderful child and I am looking forward to getting to know her properly and the happy little offspring too, of course." “The baby's kicking pretty strong right now! Do you want to feel?” Jane was already about to straighten up from the couch, not realizing how alarmed Thor and his mother looked. Loki with touching people he hardly knew ...

He surprised both of them with a “Yes, with pleasure.” He let Jane press his hand against her enormous belly. Thor was close by, looking over his favorite's brother's shoulder with a smile. Loki's wide, genuine smile brought a few small tears to his mother's eyes. Anyway, the ice was broken now. They got down comfortably having a lot to talk about. Jane couldn't get enough of the numerous funny stories around this wonderful family. "It must have been awesome to have grown up like you. I've got no siblings and Erik, who took me under his wing when I lost my parents at the age of 18, has got no family, has never been the type, but he always supported me and substituted my parents in some ways. I wish I had been friends with you in high school.” “You should definitely talk to Bucky,” Loki said. "Growing up much like you he can give you a good overlook what it was like to be a friend of the Starks in their noisy house."

"Speaking of Bucky! I was totally flabbergasted in March how much he's changed since high school!" Jane cried out with a laugh. "Has he?" her mother-in-law asked. Loki looked surprised too. "Well, I mean, we all have, of course, but it's so striking with him. If his fan club from back then would have seen him like this: in a flannel shirt with baggy work pants!” She laughed. Pepper raised her eyebrows, "I swear to you, I've never in life seen Bucky Barnes in a flannel shirt." Jane blinked. Loki interjected dryly: “Must have been his Arizona look. Sometimes I think Bucky has a fine-tuned look for each occasion." Thor defended him: "It was, as he's said, a test drive. So it's been probably his normal work clothes.” “Stop it, brother. Have you ever been to his auto repair shop? There is no other mechanic in new York dressing this flamboyant.” “I haven't noticed.” “I could have told so..." Jane looked from one to the other. "I've meant something else, too," she said again.

"He's grown up so much, which means, he's natural _, normal_ , more blending in. I can't explain this better. You all know him much better than I do and for you the change has finally taken place gradually. I've been surprised to see him like this.” “If we're ever telling him, he's going to plunge into a profound crisis of meaning.” Loki smirked. "So let's leave it be, I would say." His mother chided him gently but severely. "Of course, mother. But imagine: to him it would sound like he has become ordinary. And boring.” “Nothing about Bucky is ordinary. At least not when he's in New York. An ordinary man wouldn't listen to Italian arias while cooking spaghetti.” “Or revarnish his Pick-Up in an azure blue color because said shade brings out his husband's eyes so beautifully.” “An ordinary man wouldn't attach a sapphire splinter onto a cat's collar, for a sneaky arrogant beast, out of all.” Thor threw in dryly. Alpine not only hated Steve. Thor was a dog person, too.

"Alpine is an adorable animal, if you ask me." Loki, along with Peter, was one of the few people who, apart from Bucky and the tiny human, enjoyed a little of the cat's favor. His mother contradicted: "This cat is the reincarnation of Catherine de Medici and woe to all who are not Bucky if she's getting aware of it." Jane laughed a little helplessly. "My dear ...", Loki squeezed her hand a little, "don't worry, we've got a lot of time to let you in on everything concerning this crazy family he doesn't tell you." He nodded to Thor. "Incidentally, it is not his intention, sometimes he's just a little clueless. That's coming from his big, pure heart.” Jane knew at that moment she would learn to love the brother-in-law because they had one thing in common: the love for Thor and the will to maintain his beautiful wholesome nature in the nasty realities of this world. She felt this bond very clearly. Grinning at him she said: "He told me you've once treated his sports drink with a laxative before an important soccer game."

"That? That was part of a series of scientific experiments: people versus needs. Will against weak meat.” Jane laughed out loud, while Thor watched the two with great satisfaction. Pepper was happy too. Her daughter-in-law finding mercy in Loki's eyes, even more: winning his affection, was essential for Thor's salvation. Neither of their other sons had a bond this deep to one of his brothers ...

*

On May 10, one day before the calculated date of delivery, Jane's contractions went in, at first only like light menstrual cramps, every 45 minutes. However, the contractions quickly became more violent and frequent. The examination, repeated every ten minutes, was frustrating every time. Her cervix opened to an inch with stopping there - for hours ...

After a very long time Pepper insisted on taking her son's place in the delivery room for a while and Loki took his stunned older brother to task, dragging him to the clinic's garden - on the way he had magically got him a Budweiser light. They settled in a nice corner on a bench.

"Loki, brother, she's suffering like this. No creature on earth should suffer such bad pain.” “When she's holding your little treasure in her arms for the first time, everything is forgotten - simple biochemistry.” “Comforting. You and your facts.” “Well, they _are_ facts. A delivery is not a walk.” “I've figured. But ... The doctor says it's a pretty big child ...” “That's no miracle ... ", Loki chuckled. "... and Jane is so ... delicate. How can such a small body perform at all? How?” “She is stronger than she's looking. Think of Bucky! During my trip to Europe two years ago, in Scandinavia I saw fishing rods thicker than him, and he's effortlessly carrying around truck tires!” Thor had to laugh. "Have you ever lifted a truck tire?" "Of course not." "So we don't know if those are at all heavy. Maybe they don't weigh more than the tiny canapes he offers at every party.” Loki laughed with him. "Oh yes, he has become quite natural and _normal_ – ordinary even, our Bucky…"

"I'm scared, Loki." "Scared, are you? You are not scared of anything!” “But today I am, much can go wrong with a birth, for the baby and for the mother. I can't lose what I've got now, Loki. I can't!” Loki's heart skipped a beat at the desperate voice of his otherwise funny, cheerful, optimistic brother. "But Thor, why would that happen? It is not the first childbirth, which's dragging on indefinitely, and it will not be the last. Where has your superpower go? Your unwavering optimism?” “She is in so much pain. Nothing good can come of it when someone is in so much pain. She is so brave! But I still can feel it! "

"She is a great woman, Thor. She's deserved you.” Loki said simply. Thor stared briefly at his younger brother. "What?" He laughed. Loki shook his head gently. "Not that important. Are you better? Can you go back in there and spread some optimism making it easier for her?” His brother thought for a moment pulling himself up. "This is my job, isn't it?" "And no one does it as well as you do. Get in there, slam the darned fetal monitor and make Jane laugh. Everything will be fine. You can do this.” Thor took springy steps to replace his mother again at Jane's side. Loki watched him, smiling. His naive, guileless, better-than-any-other brother.

After painful 26 hours of labor and slow progress for everyone involved, a perfectly healthy boy, 54 centimeters in length weighing almost four and a half kilos, saw the light of day stating his opinion on this situation extremely relentless with a truly heroic, forceful cry. His father was overwhelmed by the feeling of happiness filling him by his son's first cry and his mother laughed weakly with happiness when the smeared bundle of noise and strength and undisguised nature - his father's image – was laid onto her stomach...

The baby was examined closely after some minutes, this was common with such long-lasting deliveries, and while the new parents were waiting to get back their greatest treasure, Thor hugged his loved one tightly. "Jane. You are the most talented astrophysicist in the world and that should of course impress me a lot - and it does - but at the moment I can only think of you as the most wonderful woman in the world - the mother of my child. I've got a child – we've got a child! You make me the happiest man in the universe - but after all you understand a lot about the universe. I love you. I've done so my whole life, I think.” Jane was speechless for a moment, before tears ran down her cheeks.

"My darling! I've been stupid in high school! How many years we could have been happy! You are such a ... you are a wonderful man and I .. I ... ", her feelings overwhelmed her. He hugged her tightly. "Dearest ... We've found each other again when the time was right. All is well. I love you.” Jane buried her face against his broad chest crying silent tears of happiness ...

The little boy got the peppy name Odin Erik Foster-Stark. His overjoyed parents spent the next few days in the maternity hospital suite - actively supported by Pepper and Loki Stark. Jane was a bit weakened for a while after the wearing-out delivery and the three Starks divided up all the tasks so the young mother recovered quickly and Loki, having been always a little lonely and like an island, found what he longed for, which he was always lacking - unconsciously, but still - in his new nephew: something he could love unconditionally and protect. He vowed to himself to be there for the charming little boy all his life.. To be the best uncle in the world - with tough competition, but still: Him, Loki Stark, was about to be the best godfather the world had ever seen ...


	100. Thanksgiving over the years

**Thanksgiving over the years**

(Traditionally - for quite some years now - Bucky and Steve had a Thanksgiving party. Their first Thanksgiving as a small family should have been an event ... Morgan's first Thanksgiving as a Stark got the little girl into the emergency room because of a croup syndrome attack. Bucky and Steve would never forget that night ...)

"Bucky, wake up, Morgan's coughing weirdly ..." "What'hg?" Then Bucky heard the hollow, horrible-sounding cough. With a jerk he sat up. The night light was on, but was somewhat darkened with a scarf. Morgan had had a heavily runny nose for days, sleeping badly at nights, Steve had simply pushed her bed into her parents' bedroom, he had 'night shifts' with the little one this week and she woke up so often, being tearful and whiny, so it was more practical ... Steve, he had the little girl, who gave another rough, bark-like cough, wrapped in a blanket in his arms, demanded, hopeless panic in his striking features: “Bucky! What is wrong with her?"

"Call the ambulance, Steve, quickly! I've heard that before.” With that Bucky was already out of bed, grabbing the next best clothes putting them on without caring about his pyjamas. "Steve!" "What? What's up with her ...” “Give her to me and call the ambulance! I know what to do.” Steve pushed the bundle, which was again giving an excruciatingly hollow cough, into his arms, finally picking up his phone. "Tell 'em she's suffocating!" Bucky hurried into the bathroom with the child in his arms and Steve, who automatically gave his name and address, heard him turn on the shower. The lady at the other end of the ambulance number was able to filter enough out of Steve's panicked stuttered attempts to explain their situation and promised to send a car. He rushed to the bathroom,to his husband and child, found him crouched down on the edge of the bathtub, shower running, steam was already forming in the room and Bucky rocked the child from side to side, whispering soothing words, drowned out again and again by this frightening coughing.

"Bucky! What is this? How is she?” “Steve, you have to put on clothes and go out on the street so the paramedics can find our house straight away.” “Bucky!” “Do what I've told you!" His urgent tone set him in motion. With flying fingers, he threw on some sports clothes and hurried out onto the street, his heart pounding and his thoughts racing ...

*

Morgan had been taken to the hospital via ambulance with Steve at her side, Bucky had followed him with his Pick-Up, of course not with ignoring red lights and stop signs ... When he finally arrived, their daughter was in a crib in the children's ward, Steve crouching next to it. She was sleeping calmly, no longer coughing or breathing labored like back then at home. "Bucky ..." He hurried to him and they hugged each other firmly. "How have you known?" Steve whispered.

The paramedics Steve had led to the bathroom had praised Bucky for doing just the right thing after laying Morgan flat on the floor and giving her an anticonvulsant injection. A croup syndrome attack, they'd explained to Steve. Deceptively similar to real croup, a complication of diphtheria, and just as deadly if left untreated. The humid air Bucky had created with the shower in the bathroom slowed the airway tightness giving the child valuable time until the rescue came.

"Just a moment, Steve." He went to the bed, touched her curls carefully and very tenderly. He pulled the beloved stuffed animal, called Benny-Bunny and Morgan's most-valued one, from his inside pocket placing it next to his daughter. Steve heard him suppress a sob. He pulled up a wicker chair typical of clinics all over the States, got down in it gesturing Bucky when he turned to sit on his lap. When he had him, he held onto him closely and Bucky curled up against his chest. "You've thought of Benny-Bunny ..." "I've wanted her to have him with her, she needs him." "You are ... I love you. Now tell me why you've known about the steamy ir.” Bucky sighed, snuggled closer to his husband starting to tell quietly …

(It happened when the Barnes were stationed in Japan. Bucky was 13 and they had a generous nice house, with servants even! A housekeeping boy who did all of the shopping, a pool boy Bucky thought was pretty cute, and a housemaid, a young Korean girl named Yunai, barely 16 years old and from a very poor family. When the girl came back from one of her rare visits back home, she didn't feel very well. Bucky liked her very much, she could draw so nicely and that reminded him of Steve and when she was done with her tasks, he sometimes asked her to draw something for him, including that day.

The girl had fun making cute little sketches of pictures from his phone for young Master James, and when she started coughing so strangely and dryly, she ignored it. They put their heads together over their drawings for quite a while. The next day she came to work on time, although she was much worse. When she was cleaning Master James' room - he was lying on his stomach on his bed with a video game - she suddenly let out that "barking", a rough, choked cough of the kind Bucky had never heard before.

"Do you need some water, Yunai?" He called out to her when the girl collapsed. He hurried over to her, she was scorching hot and drenched in sweat and kept coughing and choking ever so terribly. He shouted in panic for his mother, who had to be somewhere in the house, while begging Yunai to breathe. Why didn't she breathe properly? The upshot was that she was removed, gotten to hospital and diagnosed with diphtheria. She almost never survived. That meant for Bucky he had to undergo a fortnight quarantine.)

"Weren't you vaccinated?" Steve asked in astonishment. Bucky gave a dry laugh. "A few years earlier the US Army had decided vaccinations for family members of stationed soldiers were a private matter. Dad saved that for me.” Steve could only stare at him ...

"And how did you know about the humid air?" "One of the doctors in the quarantine station told me that when I had told him how helpless I've felt with poor Yunai." "Baby, I'm so sorry. What you've had to live out then!” “I was terrified. Back then ... and tonight.” “You've been awesome. You've known what to do, taking it in hand, I'm so proud of you, baby.” “I don't know how I've done it.", He snuggled closer to Steve, the wicker chair groaned little. "I'm sure you're completely done. Try to be sleeping a bit, I'm taking care of the both of you, alright?” Steve whispered tenderly but firmly into his hair.

"I'd not have survived losing her ...", it came out so soft-spoken Steve barely heard it, but since he felt exactly the same, he exactly knew, holding his beloved one close to him, embracing him, rocking him gently to sleep. _You're my hero._.. he thought.

In the morning, they informed the family about the 'horror of the night' of course canceling the Thanksgiving party. Morgan was meant to stay in the clinic for one more night to be on the safe side. When the little one was sleeping, they snuggled into the now overused wicker chair chatting about past Thanksgivings...

*

The Thanksgivings between their first one in Queens and this year had been very different.

Once Loki had come reluctantly and only because nobody else had time for Steve and Bucky, but he knew this tradition was very important to them. He had eaten like a bird as usual, and Bucky had almost cried in the kitchen while packing the amounts of lovingly cooked food into Tupper containers and aluminum foil. Their conversation was at least as good as ever, and Loki assured them he had been having a good time. Their suggestion to take him to a club the evening after, just 'so he could get out of home a bit' he acknowledged with a horrified look, politely declining.

*

Another time, Sam and Sharon were stuck in an airport staff strike at Boston Airport and it was decided to meet at a motel right between Boston and New York. Steve and Bucky packed Steve's old VW with food and blankets and sleeping bags (They had only got one motel room and would draw who would be sleeping on the floor. It was Bucky and Steve whom it hit.) More than that, however, they found that after the Thanksgiving party, which was a picnic in a shabby motel room, funny and noisy, they would not be able to make love (which was also some kind of tradition by then.). Squeezed into a double sleeping bag, Steve woke up Bucky in the middle of the night: "Shush, be quiet and come with me. We're doing it in the car. "

"We've got freezing temperatures!" Bucky hissed back. "I'm making sure you're gonna stay warm." Bucky was allowed to keep his down jacket on him and with having to push his jeans down a bit he actually didn't get cold. Steve was blowing him for a while while Bucky prepared him skillfully. They were the freakiest contortionists when it was coming to sex - if they tried to do it at 40, they would surely end up in the emergency room with lumbago. Bucky wasn't cold _at all_. On the contrary: when Steve finally sat down on his cock, he got really hot. At breakfast, Sharon said casually: “You could have said something. If we have had any idea how long you're away, we could have started something, too.” Sam was embarrassed and Bucky and Steve gave each other a high-five, smirking.

*

The next year Thor was supposed to visit them and bring his college roommates, design student Clark, who had no money to go to his parents on the West Coast, and acting student Beau. Well, Thor and maybe his friends would at least be feasting well and would love to take a lot of leftovers with them. They were an hour and a half late and at that point already quite tipsy. Apparently they had had some preparty before they came, obviously. After all, they didn't want to rob Thor's brother and his boyfriend off all their drinks. The three of them feasted on the fantastic food going on to have large amounts of wine. Clark, who was still the most sober one of them, tried to keep the conversation going, while Beau, whom his hosts quickly realized which camp he was from, was violently hitting on Bucky. Thor got into some mood thinking back at the time he'd regularly seen his old high school crush Jane Foster. In a tearful way he talked Steve's ear off.

Bucky, he had also been drinking quite a bit more recently, only to try to make the evening a bit more enjoyable, cleared the kitchen, Steve was out delivering a care package to the old couple on the first floor. Mrs. Harris no longer saw well and was less fond of cooking. Beau, who had a big button pierced in his tongue, took a few glasses to the kitchen starting an attack on Bucky, kissed him passionately and before he even understood what was happening - the piercing was a sensation! - the drama student was torn away off him. "What do you think you're doing?", Steve glared threateningly at him. Beau suddenly hung from _his_ neck sticking his tongue down his throat - Steve was a bit overwhelmed by the piercing, too. Bucky blinked staring, with his mouth hanging open. Beau reached for his shirt chest, pulling him close whispering:

"Let me stay here later to be lying between you. Or under you. Or on the floor. Two of you can do to me whatever you want.” Bucky gave a choked gasp while Steve blushed violently “Err…” Steve made weakly and Bucky shook his head as if to wake up. He and Steve glanced at each other briefly, then quickly away again. "Let us put you in an Uber afterwards," Steve murmured. They didn't talk about it later. It was clear to both of them the other one had seriously considered the matter, but tacitly decided to leave it at that. Most threesomes, in which two of the participants were steady, triggered more discussions afterwards than it was worth the fun. The evening ended in a Super Mario Battle, which Thor easily won, even in this condition.

*

In Bucky's trainee year, they had a peaceful and thoroughly successful Thanksgiving with Steve's parents and Peter. Pepper Stark was recovering from surgery. It had been nothing serious, but also nothing to have a trip after with an energetic ten-year-old who always wanted to have a lot of action in his holidays. She had suggested Tony go somewhere with Peter alone, but of course he didn't want to know about this. After the delicious and extensively praised as always feast, Steve was chatting comfortably with his mother, while Bucky presented all the machines and equipment he planned for his own workshop for Tony and Peter in simulations. They rounded off the evening with a fiercely fought game of Monopoly, in which Pepper Stark, business-minded as she was, cheated, unscrupulously gathering lots of money.

But her husband, who was in no way inferior to her in being cunning and unscrupulousness, also cheated to give Peter a glorious victory. Everyone had a great time. Later in bed, Bucky said to Steve: "I've known your dad's a pretty tough cookie. But I really wouldn't have thought your dignified mother was such a trickster." Steve laughed dryly: "She's been making sure they're getting richer and richer for years, what do you think?” “I think I'm going to make the most noble of all Starks have a good time for quite a while now.” “Good thought, indeed. But where do you want to get Thor from now? He's not even in town..” “So you've got the geographical advantage right now?" “Only that? Pfff, you love me.” “Oh yes. I'll show you."

*

A year later, Bucky had just leased the premises of his future workshop and sold all the old machines and equipment. He had his very own ideas. His future employee Ricky Sherman listened patiently to him when he raved about the golden future he would be leading both of them to, oh, not only them, the whole New York automotive world! He was a visionary, an idealist, but not stupid, Ricky would see! "I'm sure of it, boy. Otherwise I wouldn't give up my secure job at Polito to work in your shabby little rat-shop. Someone has to take care of you, with your crazy ideas in your head you call idealism and visionaryism. You and your big plans to revolutionize private transport by charming all your customers to electric motors and pollutant filters and noise protection measures. Oh, what am I talking about? I've fallen for you, too.

Bucky smiled widely. "Um, Ricky, Elaine isn't able to cook a great meal with her broken arm, is she?" Ricky's wife had had a complicated fracture in her right arm falling unfortunately two weeks ago. "Quite a downer for her, yes, but who cares, you don't have to stuff yourself each and every Thanksgiving." "I'm inviting all of you! Steve agrees and can borrow a portable party table from his parents. We put it in here, I prepare the food at home and we get everything here. What do you think of it?” He beamed at the older one making his heart nearly burst of love. But he didn't show it and grunted:

"If you can take on three teenage girls making doe eyes at the two of you, I should be fine." "Ricky, your girls are still children," he said half shocked. "You'll see." Bucky had been a topic of conversation at the Sherman's house for a long time. All three daughters; Suzanne, 15, Tori, 13 and Lily, 11 have been in love with him since he came to dinner once a month. Steve hadn't been seen by any of them yet, but Ricky had no illusions about the girls' loyalty to Bucky. Steve was an eye-catcher with those broad shoulders and the glorious aura of authority, the teacher that he was.

Elaine kissed Bucky heartily on the cheek as a hello. "What a nice idea, Bucky. So this is Steve? Man alive!” Steve blushed and Bucky smirked. "Is your arm feeling better?" "Itching like hell, but it's healing, the doc says.” “That's good! Sit down, all of you!” He exclaimed enthusiastically. The three girls, who had only stayed a bit shyly behind their parents, came closer and the oldest went around the table, studying the seating cards before resolutely swapping her place next to her father for that of her youngest sister, who had been meant to be next to Steve. Ricky rolled his eyes towards Bucky meaning: _Haven't I told you so?_ _I know, he's such a treat!_ Bucky mouthed at him making Ricky only shaking his head.

When everyone was seated with the first course spread out on their plates, Suzanne put a hand on Steve's forearm. "So you're a teacher, Mr. Stark? What are you teaching? ”, She winked at him. Steve was startled and replied automatically: "English and Social Sciences in performance classes." “Those are my absolute favorite subjects!” The teen called with a bright smile. Her violent eye-batting made Steve worry: maybe she had something in her eye? "Well, Suzy, after your latest grades sheet, that's something of a surprise," her father remarked. "Darling, don't embarrass her," Elaine whispered. Suzanne glared at her father pointing her full gun of admiration back at her seating neighbor.

"I've got terrible teachers, Mr. Stark! With someone like you, my grades would definitely be better, since the classes are so interesting.” “Then you certainly have something to say about the verification of the new law on participation guarantee in student associations. When you're so interested in politics.” Ricky smirked at his daughter. She blushed with anger. "But Ricky, we don't want to be boring the rest of the crowd with politics. What kind of music do you girls like?” Steve chivalrously saved the poor thing by turning to the whole group. Which only made her fall for him even more.

Tori, who was placed next to Bucky, spoke shyly to him: "Mr Barnes ..." "Tori, I've told you a dozen times you can call me 'Bucky'." The young girl swallowed. "I've made a video I want to upload to this page where young artists can introduce themselves." "Pfff, _artists_!" her older sister hissed. "Suzanne..." their mother rebuked in a calm but determined tone. “I've rehearsed a disney medley and I've been singing quite well, I think. What I can't very well do is photoshop myself into the backgrounds I've chosen. May I show you, Mr Barnes ... _Bucky_?" Tori's loyalty was steadfast in contrary of that of her sister. She _knew_ her and Mr Barnes - Bucky! - would definitely get married someday.

"Of course, would be a pleasure, Tori. After dinner, when we're all chatting comfortably, alright?” She looked at him as if he had just erected the Leaning Tower of Pisa single-handedly. Lily, the youngest was yet spared from future plans, recently having put Bucky onto a long list of things she loved because they were sooo cute: ponies, trolls, puppies and kittens, hamsters, guinea pigs, koala bears, Yoshie from Super Mario and hippos. Flattering, Steve made it onto that list too. "Mr Stark ...", she looked at him with wide eyes. "Do you play football? You are so ... big. "

Bucky choked on his wine. "No, Lily, I'm sorry. Do you like football?” “I've been to the Jets' match with Daddy. That's meant a lot of quarters for our curse fund. But I haven't liked it that much.” Elaine looked at her husband, who grew a little smaller under her stern gaze. "I've duly thrown all them quarters in, honey, think of Disneyland." "You want to go to Disneyland?" Bucky called out excitedly. "That's only something for children.", Suzanne sneered and immediately got mad at herself, because Steve said at the same moment, beaming: "We have to go there again too, Bucky."

Tori now wanted to get rid of something she had wanted to say all the time since: “American football is strange, but at the moment there is the UEFA Champions League taking place in Europe. This is _the_ real football. “, She blushed violently with a sideways glance at Bucky. Steve grinned into his napkin, but the girl had done some research! "Are you interested in soccer, Tori? I've played soccer in high school!" Bucky exclaimed excitedly, "Have you seen the match, Barcelona against Munich? I've seen Munich in the arena back then when I was doing an internship in Germany, when Manuel Neuer was still in goal occasionally. He was a god! And World Champion in 2014! Don't you think so?"

She blushed even more violently and her mother had mercy. "Bucky, most of us don't want to talk about sports any more than politics, please excuse me." “Yes, of course, I have to apologize. So, Disneyland? Best place. We've been to Disneyland Paris years ago!” Tori was extremely relieved. She had no idea about soccer, only having found old Sanctuary High yearbooks online and discovered her father's future boss (her future husband!) had been on the school's soccer team. So she googled that weird sports to get one or two worth-mentioning facts. Disney was by far the safer terrain for her. Phew.

Steve and Bucky bravely survived the adoration of the Sherman girls, had been playing charade with them after dinner with Ricky and Elaine watching. When the party broke up shortly after ten (Bucky had promised Tori to edit her video), they were standing in the middle of an empty workshop, in front of them a table full of charade cards (the rest of the food was carefully packed in Tupper containers and aluminum foil to be given to the homeless asylum), looking at each other. They burst out laughing. "Girls!" Bucky called. " _Teenage_ girls!" Steve replied. "You've snapped Suzanne from me."

"I've liked the little one best. I'm just as cute as a troll.” Steve grinned. "Oh ... don't overstate that, she's got a bad taste, she likes Batman." "Are you going to break my heart and marry Tori?" "Hm, after all she likes soccer." “She doesn't, she only pretended to impress you.” “In this, you've never succeeded, maybe you _have_ to worry about Tori." Bucky smirked. "I don't have to worry. I know what you like most. Are we going to do it right here on the table or are we going home first?” Bucky swallowed. "On the table," he whispered, a little hoarsely.

*

In 2029, they didn't find anyone they really loved to celebrate Thanksgiving with. In desperation, they invited a lesbian couple, Billie and Chess. The two women had been organizing support groups, sit-ins, rallies in the community with Bucky and Steve for years, and the four of them together had launched New York's first LGBT café, where queer people under the age of 21, who were too young to go to clubs or bars, could meet easily. Billie was strictly vegan and Chess had half a dozen food allergies. The menu consisted of cucumber gazpacho; a raw food platter with grated cheese substitute; gluten-free, spelt pasta as the main course with wild herb and pine pesto and, for dessert, a pumpkin and avocado pie with egg substitute, but without flour and without sugar. Steve and Bucky feasted convincingly with their guests, who extensively praised the sparse meal.

They talked about politics and the community and Billie's self-defense classes she was giving, Chess' depressing job at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission office, then Greenpeace and PETA, and finally Billie casually announced they wanted to get married the next week. "Wow, getting married! That's awesome!” Steve called out friendly. Billie looked at him and replied, “We simply owe this to the community. It was a huge step back in 2015. But we don't freak out because of that. It's just a formality.” Chess took her wine glass with emphasis: “Yes, downright annoying, isn't it, _sweetheart_?” “Chess ...this doesn't belong here,” Billie hissed. Steve and Bucky were exactly the same opinion, but Chess had other plans, apparently:

"The bitch who's always hitting on you in your Friday class is devastated, I guess." "You have to talk. Harriet, who's always calling you after work _for work_.” She made mocking quotes in the air. "As if your boring department would crumble after 4 pm when no one's working anymore." "Oh, that again. You scoff at my work. Your job is the much better laugh: _Defense Coach._ What's that supposed to be?” Bucky and Steve glanced at each other helplessly. "Some more pie anyone?" Steve called desperately. "Whom of you has asked?" Bucky asked at the same time.

"Bucky," Billie looked at him haughtily. "We've discussed the matter like adults, coming to the conclusion the advantages outweigh the disadvantages." "I'm out," Chess exclaimed. "What's this about, Billie? You _have_ asked!” “Yes, but not in the cheesy 'will you marry me' manner, but rather objectively, whether it would not be the sensible thing with the current political development and after all we are role models for the community." "I'd take some pie, what about you?" Steve cried out even more desperately, everyone except Bucky ignored him. "Yes, thank you, baby, some more for me, please." "Of course you've got no problems other than pie!", Chess spit out into their direction. Both of them froze, sitting upright at the poisonous tone.

"Yes!" Billie called now, "you are _men_ ", the last word sounding like an insult. "The last time I've checked, I've yet been one at least." Bucky murmured under his breath making Steve burst out with laughter. Their guests glared at him. "You should be ashamed to enjoy millennia-old privileges while women all over the world are still forced to hold their heads down." "All over the world except right now and here in our apartment," Steve stated dryly. Now Bucky had to laugh. The women looked at them, then at each other, then at the men again, standing up in unison. "We're better leaving now. You're taking us as little serious as your ancestors who have just crawled out of the cave,” Chess said. Billie nodded:

"You men haven't developed a bit in the last 30,000 years." Steve smiled sweetly and couldn't help saying: "I don't know, I'm shaving my balls after all, I'm calling this development from the caveman." Bucky snorted and their guests looked at them both indignant and amazed. Then each other. "That's enough, isn't it?" “Thanks for dinner and goodbye.” “Enjoy your wedding!” Bucky called. "It's just a formality," Billie growled while putting on her jacket. Chess, who was wrapping her six-feet-long scarf around her body, glared at her. "Yes, we all know that right exactly now. Do you have to keep emphasizing?” The two women left the apartment bitching and arguing. The door closed behind them with a loud thud.

Bucky and Steve exchanged a glance. "Please check out if you've still got a dick." Steve laughed pulling his pants a bit away at the front. "Everything is hunky dory." “Speaking of _hunky_ while looking down your pants is showing-off, sweetie. Can we order some pizza?" Steve laughed again. "First I want to know if you've still got a dick too. Just in case, for later." “And if not? What would you do then, order some pizza with extra pepperoni – in one piece instead of chopped?" Steve had to laugh: “Just let me have a look, baby." Bucky winked invitingly. Steve reached to his crotch, rubbing at it extensively until Bucky was squirming a little. Steve could clearly feel he still had got a dick. "Aah, there's my friend... Pizza time?" "Oh yes, please. I don't want to eat the pie anymore.” “I've never thought you could prepare food this terrible.” Bucky looked hurt. "Not even I am able to make gold out of shit. Get the pizza list."

Later Steve fed Bucky pizza, having him between his legs in front of him, nibbling on his neck. "We could have been doing this for hours," he whispered. "Too bad Sarah and Michelle canceled." They also knew very nice, funny and uncomplicated lesbians. The electronics technician Sarah and her wife, yoga teacher Michelle, had regrettably canceled at short notice because their first baby was just teething being a bundle of unbearable angry screaming, as their mothers affirmed. Billie and Chess were their only friends left having no plans. This shortly before the holidays everyone was already scheduled. At least everyone who was nice and popular.

"Those two are the last people to get married, don't you think so?" Steve talked about their charming ex-guests, of course. “This is over after a week and then two weeks later the sky is full of violins again, for about a week. Every bet!” “Are you finally fed up? I want to go to bed with you." Bucky leaned back heavily, muttering, "Let's do it here. I've put a bottle of lube and condoms in the crack of the sofa. The thought Billie was sitting right on it when swaggering back and forth on greedy, sex-obsessed men was too funny.” “You're a _devil_.” “Them oughta have more sex, seriously. Then they wouldn't be so over the top.” “You know who ought to have sex now?” “Your puzzles are too easy.” Steve kissed him.

A week and a day after the 'formality' in the town hall, Chess was at their door half past eleven at night. Disbanded, somewhat hysterical and unhappy. "'m sorry! I haven't known where to go.” They had pulled her to the couch getting her some tea. "You are the only ones who sent us something for the wedding." It had been a nice card and a voucher for Home Depot. Billie and Chess wanted to remodel their apartment a bit, as Steve and Bucky knew. After all – they _were_ friends with them. "We liked doing so. What's happened, Chess? Do you want to talk about it?” Steve asked gently. "She's never telling me she loves me. She's always talking about partnership and mutual respect and about chemistry and part-time-spouse when we're talking about us.” Chess hiccuped.

"W-why are you b-both so disgustingly ha-happy?", It didn't sound the slightest bit mean, but very sad and a little jealous. "Uh, sorry?" Steve tried. Chess had to laugh a bit. "Oh whatever. Can I stay for the night? I'm leaving tomorrow before you even remember I've been there.” Bucky gave her a pillow and blankets, Steve a bottle of water and a guest toothbrush. At two in the morning, their apartment door was hammered against loudly. Steve stumbled there drowsily finding Billie, distraught, hysterical and very sheepish. "Chess is here, right?" She called. "Billie!" Came from behind Steve and Billie pushed him aside vigorously. He followed her into the living room where he found an unusual sight:

Billie and Chess were closely entwined kissing each other intimately, whispering feverish excuses, even Billie, and Steve cleared his throat: “I won't be needed here anymore. You know where's it going out.” Bucky had slept through the tumult, but when Steve got back into bed with him, he woke up and wanted to crawl onto him. It was still night and not morning, so his libido was at the usual level. "Uh, not now, baby." "Oh ...", he bowed his head to nibble at Steve's clavicle and stopped, raising his head, listening. He heard a moan – coming from their living room. "Steve?" "Lesbians making out on our couch," he said dryly. Bucky made a strange sound. "Yeah, I know crazy, right?" Steve chuckled. "Well, I think the idea of a vagina is scary as fuck at that, but two of them?" Bucky shivered playfully. Steve smirked pulling the covers over their heads so all they could hear was their breathing, especially when it was growing louder and faster ...

Bucky had been right: Billie and Chess weren't exactly the people who should have gotten married in the first place. But him and Bucky? They were the perfect couple – made in heaven and meant to be! Steve started thinking seriously about getting married not long after …

*

When Morgan was released from hospital, they were given emergency medication. Bucky was never able to sleep truly well afterwards until their pediatrician, when Morgan was five, assured them she had outgrown the danger ...


	101. Another Intermezzo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pics at the end.

**Another Intermezzo**

" _Brother! We're gonna be in Tucson for a few days next month from the 17th on because Jane is giving a series of lectures. We've got a chic large suite at the Merriton. Come and visit us! Erik has been crawling a bit since yesterday!_ "

A video clip of the baby was pinned to the message. Loki smiled when he looked at it. His brother and his spouse asked him to come back soon after he had said goodbye to the family with a heavy heart a few days after Erik was born. He was the godfather of the youngest Stark, after all, and his parents wanted the boy to have a close relationship with his uncle. When Loki didn't have to sleep on the floor of a motorhome in the desert, he was only too willing to accept an invitation. His schedule had nothing he could not have postponed - this year he had no Christmas piece under his responsibility - and he replied:

" _This child is a giant, coming entirely after you! I think Morgan was only half his size Christmas '32 and she was barely younger! Do you stay after Christmas until New Year? Steve and Bucky are planning a New Year's reception, no, an 'event' - and with this choice of words, I don't have to say that Bucky is planning this with Steve being only next to him when he talks about it, nodding his head eagerly making those anime eyes of his._ "

Thor laughed out loud when he read that. Loki and he were a bit mean sometimes, but that's how younger brothers are ...

" _I'm afraid we can't be attending New Year's 'event'. Jane accepted a research assignment in Tromsö, Norway, right after Christmas and we will of course accompany her. November to February are always her busiest months._ ”

" _As well as May to July in the southern hemisphere._ "

" _My dearest is very much in demand!_ "

" _Understandably._ "

" _So are you coming next month?_ "

" _Gladly. I will send you my flight details in advance._ "

***

" _10\. In words: TEN!_ "

Bucky paused, considering for a little while, but couldn't figure out his best friend's cryptic text message. Their last mail exchange about compressor technology and hydraulic simulations for the development in robotics had left no question open to which 'ten' would be a suitable answer. Their last personal exchange, when he reviewed it, either gave no explanation. It'd been a video chat where Bucky met her boyfriend (Shuri had a boyfriend!) M'Baku and regrettably turned down her invitation to Wakanda. M'Baku was the chief of a clan in Wakanda who lived in the rugged mountains. Chiefs in Wakanda were something like senators in the United States, and when Shuri first had spoken of him about two years ago, her very charming nickname for him had been 'traditional wooden head living in past ages'. Her father, King T'Chaka, had the idea shortly after to send his daughter and heir to the throne on a diplomatic mission in the mountains.

M'Baku took the royal guest on a traditional hunting hike - which meant they slept in makeshift tents, made fires and all that in a very traditional way and followed animal tracks to end up with a glorious pronghorn to return to the chief residence for the - traditional - Hunting Festival. They came back not only with their prey, but also with a budding tender feeling for each other. M'Baku's adherence to traditions was basically pride in what Wakanda was all about. He was not some hillbilly idiot, using technology no less than his regent and his family, but he kept what Wakanda's people had been standing for for millennia: tradition and harmony with their environment.

He had touched Shuri's heart. Carefully and suspiciously, according to her character, she had asked him to keep it a secret. She had seriously fallen in love with him over the following months! For the first time in her life, in her late 20s ... And it had taken her a while to admit it to herself and then again before telling Bucky. The fact she hadn't told him about it for so long initially offended him, but on the other hand he of course also realized that, as future head of a state, she had to be extremely careful. And nobody, him least of all, could guarantee what he could keep secret from Steve. And Steve has never actually been able to keep his mouth shut ...

" _I do not have sligthest clue. Thank you for once again showing me what it's like to be a genius's best friend!_ ” “ _The tally sheet I've had in my head for years has reached ten. The tally sheet about how often you turned down an invitation to come to Wakanda._ "

Bucky got a guilty conscience, but a trip to Wakanda was a time-consuming affair, alone with the time difference and the jet lag recovery time needed. In addition, Bucky did not like to fly, he had his principles and unfortunately environmentally friendly flying was still not invented ...

" _Princess, forgive me. Sorry? You yourself told me every cat in your home is bigger than me ... I'm scared? No, nonsense. I am a father now and can hardly afford a break. I am now making a higher contribution to the running costs of our house and try to be putting money back for Morgan's education._ ”

Shuri rolled her eyes when she read this. As all friends and relatives always did when they became aware of Bucky fighting with all his might to simply accept he had married a more than wealthy man. Morgan easily could be taken care of for centuries, should the key to immortality ever be cracked ... Funny that Steve didn't seem to find the right words or methods in getting Bucky, who, as everyone knew, was deeply devoted to him, onto the right track ... which would be: finally relax a bit, enjoying life, enjoying the safety and carelessness Steve's money offered, simply to be happy - even if only for his daughter - but no: Bucky was dogged, proud, insisting on his independence ... Shuri sighed. After all, she understood him. And she loved him ...

"How's the crumb doing?"

Bucky had a lot to write about this ...

***

"Hey Sam, hello Sharon! Happy New Year!” His best friends smiled uo to him broadly from the StarkPad, he had Morgan on his lap. They hadn't been able to come to the New Year's reception because they were on vacation in the Caribbean with Peggy and Daniel. Steve could see palm trees and a bright blue sky behind the two.

"Happy New Year, dude! And hello little one! “, Sam waved at the camera. "Happy New Year, Steve. Hello Morgan!” “You've gotten quite tanned, Sharon!” “She's still pale next to me.” Sam laughed. "The fact a toddler is listening to us saves you from an unloving salutation on my part, my dear." Steve laughed: "Oh, she has heard a lot already and unfortunately has reproduced some of it. But thanks anyway for your consideration.” Morgan got a little fidgety and he got her to her toys on the floor. "Where's Bucky? Is he still sleeping?” It was after ten and Steve had to laugh. Since they were having Morgan, one could count on one hand how many times Bucky had been able to sleep until after ten ... "But no, he's working." "Isn't he always closing his shop for a few days when you've got winter holidays?"

It was January 3, 2034, and Steve had yet one week off. “He closed Barnes Motor Barn all last week. We have been to the snow in Vermont with Morgan for a few days. With them new express trains you can be there in just under two hours! It was fantastic!” “Send some pictures!” “But you also don't do bad telling by what I can see behind you.” “You had to marry someone who's rather spending his time in the snow than on the beach." Steve stuck his tongue out at them. Morgan held out a puzzle cube she couldn't open to get to the differently shaped pieces. "Just a moment." When the child was taken care of, Sharon said: "She could use a sibling, couldn't she?" Steve smiled a little forced. At Christmas Thor and Jane had announced they wanted a second baby, though it would have to wait a while because they both wanted Erik to be breastfed for a long time - if only to strengthen Jane's bond with the boy ...

"She's yet almost a baby." "Well, that's why! She could still easily share her room until you're getting a bigger house.” “Who says we want to get a bigger house?” “It was you, Steve. At your house warming party back then. You've said it was perfect for the first few years, but also you thought you would need more space someday. Since it has already indicated that you've got a family on mind.“, Sam laughed. "We've got enough space!" Steve called changing the subject, not so subtly, as it was his way. "How's Peggy and Daniel?" Sharon and Sam exchanged a quick look, both of whom understanding the hint. "Peggy's still fast asleep. She is such a sleepy head! Daniel's doing physiotherapy in our hotel gym. They are pretty fine. Peggy is determined to run for New Hampshire senatorial office. Wait, she'll be the first woman in the white house!” That was news! Steve was not the least bit surprised ...

They chatted a little longer and Sam and Sharon promised to come to New York with their good-byes to attend Bucky's birthday party in March. Steve went down on the carpet after the call to play with Morgan. He actually wanted a sibling for Morgan but Bucky wasn't ready. Steve understood him. He would collapse on his workload, he was sometimes close with only one child. How much easier it would be for them, especially Bucky, if he wasn't so stubborn about Steve's money ...

***

Peter visited his godfather, Dr Banner, often in his biophysics laboratory. The scientist has worked closely with the Max Planck Institute, Germany, on the development of microcellular development for transplantation medicine for years. After a stimulating chat, during which Peter assisted Uncle Bruce, they treated themselves to a piece of cake in the cafeteria of the laboratory complex. Peter was in his senior year and consistently had excellent grades. His path should lead him to MIT in late summer, actually a logical consequence for a long time. His best friend Michelle 'MJ' Jones had a chance to get a scholarship for politics and business ethics at Harvard if she could get a few more points with social engagement. The girl lived in Queens with her divorced mother and was at Sanctuary as a scholarship holder and through the social quota. In her tight spare time, she worked as a babysitter and tutor. Peter had been in love with her for a while ...

The two of them had planned to take part in a project for a few weeks after high school in the summer, where simple but well-designed accommodation was to be built in slums in Honduras. Peter's best friend Ned Leeds would stay in New York after graduating to study computer science in Princeton. Peter had mixed feelings about his upcoming university years. Yes, of course he wanted to get a masters in mechanical engineering and chemistry, but he also thought there were so many other things to learn. He attended an excellent school, but Sanctuary High has always been an institution aiming to promote talent, and general education was sometimes a little short because the school was so focused on the strengths of students and the high level rarely allowed engagement in more than two or three additional areas of interest.

For example, Peter hadn't tested himself much in the artistic field, neither economics, languages and literature were not exactly his strengths. He only understood so much about social sciences and politics because he talked to MJ about it so often and was interested in it for her sake. His eldest brother never found out. He was very proud of Peter and his perspective.

"Uncle Bruce? Do you sometimes feel a bit like a professional idiot?” Bruce Banner surreptitiously chuckled to himself. He had noticed the boy had something on his mind. He chuckled a little: "Oh my boy, you know, I don't have to feel like one – I am one!" Peter made huge eyes, soon laughing with him. "If you think so. But why?” “Well, when our children come over, sometimes their conversation is all Greek to me. And this even when they're speaking English.”, He winked, Bruce was speaking Russian, of course, that was just a running gag, with which Bucky had landed the biggest coup back when he presented them his high school language level certificate and returned some of their roughest jokes of the past few years in fluent Russian and with a broad smug grin. Leaving Natasha Romanov speechless was a rare achievement among family and friends ...

Bruce continued: “My daughter and her husband are philosophers, while my son and wife live and work around the boards that mean the world. In addition, everyone is interested in music and I don't mean they like to _listen_ to music, after all, almost everyone does. Music is so much more for them. For me, it's more of a noise which, if I'm lucky, I can approved.” Peter laughed. "And they're all reading confused novels which are two hundred and more years old. For me, a family reunion is always like being the stupidest person in the world. Simply a professional idiot.” Peter nodded understandingly. "Yes. I know what you mean. When I was in a museum or to a gallery with Mom and Loki, I felt the same way. Or how we're all feeling when Thor's discussing soccer with Bucky.” “You mean when they get to be fighting bitterly upset. Soccer fans don't have discussions – they are at war.” The boy giggled briefly, getting serious again:

“Sometimes I think I haven't learned enough yet and in a good half a year I have to concentrate fully on what I will probably do for the rest of my professional life. How will I have the time to familiarize myself sufficiently with things that are also interesting. Things I can talk about at parties, things I can talk about to - well, let's say _normal_ people.” Bruce was beginning to sense what was going on in the boy. “I am surrounded by a lot of brilliant people and sometimes I feel like we're living on an island. How am I supposed to learn something from the world, from the people for whom I have to develop things all my life making their everyday life easier or at least more pleasant?” Bruce put down his cup with measured movements.

"Have you spoken to your parents about this?" Peter looked a little guilty. "N-no. I'm worried I might ... hurt them? Disappoint them? It is as if I almost reproach them for giving me such a privileged existence with access to unlimited resources and almost as unlimited knowledge. I finally was able to benefit from growing up with this extraordinary group of remarkable people my whole life. I don't want to be ungrateful.” “Nobody would think of you as ungrateful. We know you better than you know yourself and we love you. You can always rely on the support from all people whom have played a major role in your life. Mostly so from your parents, especially your father. Believe me, he knows best what it's like to think you're a little bit like an island and if you trust him, he'll be the first to want you to feel better, be happy, and be completely pleasedd with you and your life.” He squeezed Peter's hand smiling at him encouragingly.

"MIT isn't running away from you. Consult with your parents and do whatever you can think of. I am convinced only good things can come out of it, my boy.” Peter beamed at his godfather shyly but also happily and relieved. "Thank you, Uncle Bruce, thank you very much. You're right. There is no doubt Mom and Dad, all of you, will support me and I promise you all I will not waste my time but use it well.” Dr Banner leaned forward with a confidential smile and whispered as if he were to reveal a secret: “And if so. If you unexpectedly think of wasting a little time, then go about it, my dear. It's the one thing that has always been neglected in this family.” He winked. "Waste your time a bit, time is precious. Have a little fun, relaxed and happy. So far, none of us have succeeded with this - except Thor ... "

***  
  
On the morning of January 10th Tony Stark found a highly official looking invitation to the opening event of a sports studio called _Benatar Athletics_ in his mail. He frowned, normally he didn't get any advertisement mail on his desk. Well, maybe Miss Hill had a lot to do and left the pre-sorting of his mail to an intern ... Just as he was about to throw the letter in the trash, he noticed the imprint. Owners: Gamora and Peter Quill-Titan. With renewed interest, he took a closer look at the invitation and the associated brochure. A flashy thing, he thought, probably a paradise for gym enthusiasts! Gamora Titan offered numerous martial arts classes and her husband Peter Quill ruled over musically accompanied fitness programs, such as Zuma or spinning. On the last page there were a few thanks, including Thanos Titan ... Gosh! Tony Stark would go to the opening of a sports studio for the first time in his life ...  
  


(02/25/2033)

Unobtrusively dressed and disguised in sunglasses - at an event like this it was not uncommon to wear sunglasses inside - Tony Stark mingled with the diverse crowd having come for the opening of _Benatar Athletics._ He looked around in the spacious studio in the heart of Hells Kitchen. However, when he saw a tall redhead on the edge of the action, a colorful drink in her hand and with a somewhat uneasy expression, a genuine wide smile lit up his features. He hurried to the young woman. Nebula Titan had become a stunning woman with beautiful titian red hair and the delicate skin of a porcelain doll.

Her facial expression, however, was barely to be described as indifferently polite, although it was actually better to be called dismissive and not encouraging. The looks some men gave her were not accompanied by any action, and when Tony was in front of her speaking to her: "Miss Titan, nice to see you!", her eyebrows contracted so gruffly that even the most daring casanova would have deterred. Since Tony hadn't come to her with a casanova's intent, he took off his sunglasses looking up at her (she was about two inches taller than him now and his smile widened as recognition sprouted on her beautiful face. "Mr Stark!" She cried out in surprise smiling so warmly it felt as if the sun was rising. They shook hands chatting a bit about what had happened in recent years.

After completing her summa cum laude degree at MIT, Nebula Titan went to Geneva to work at CERN and was very happy there, although a little lonely, as she admitted, she was not one who quickly made friends. After a while he asked her to introduce him to her sister again. Gamora Titan, also a very beautiful woman was talking graciously, surrounded by a circle of admirers. A little further back in the studio her husband was introducing a group of interested people to the theoretical basics of a dance martial art he had developed and given the lively name Starlord's Dance Battling. Gamora smiled charmingly and at the same time a little warning when she reached out to shake hands with Tony. The Titan sisters had to be very rarely the victim of any nuisance or harassment, giving a man the impression to be flirting with a cactus, Tony thought amused. My respect for Peter Quill, he thought.

"Sister ...", Nebula hissed, "This is Tony Stark!" Gamora stared at him briefly, startled before showing a genuine smile. "My goodness, Mr. Stark, please excuse me, in life I would never have thought Thor Stark's father could be looking that sporty and fit after all these years. How are you? The way you're looking, I'd bet you're already a customer of another gym and I can't win you over to Benatar Athletics.” Tony blinked. In any case, the energetic young woman did not seem to lack business charm. He also chatted with her for a few minutes, learning that her and Peter's children, Proxima, Yondu, and Corvus were seven, five, and four, and that her father would surely be delighted if Mr. Stark went upstairs to the small kindergarten for subscribers. Mr. Titan was there with the little ones. Tony politely said goodbye to the women and headed for the stairs. He also noticed they started whispering immediately after. He was pleased there was still some of the awkward teenage girls in them who had first entered his house many years ago on Steve's 15th birthday ...

The kindergarten was a bright, friendly, colorful, large room with all kinds of toys and a small roof terrace with a sandpit and other play equipment. Two young women, presumably educational students, greeted him politely and offered to show him around a bit. He waved it off and charmingly assured them he could get an overview without causing any trouble. In one corner there was a playhouse, similar to that of his granddaughter, but much more spacious. Murmuring voices could be heard from inside. Tony bent down in the low door knocking on the frame. When he stuck his head in the opening, he saw Thanos Titan with three adorable black curly-haired heads, a primary school girl and two little boys. The man was sitting uncomfortably on a chair too small for him apparently reading from a book. When he saw Tony, he looked genuinely pleased. "Sta ... _Tony_!" "Thanos, nice to meet you again!" "So you've received my invitation with the 'personal' -note?" Ah, that was the reason the thing had ended up on his desk .

"I've been very happy. I would come in to you, but frankly it already looks a little crammed with you in it.” Thanos Titan was a tall, beefy man. He slapped the girl - Proxima - playfully on the butt. "Go, take your brothers and play a little with Ellie and Margot." "Yes, Gramps." The girl resolutely took her little brothers by their hands pulling them out of the playhouse without tolerance - quite obviously the picture of her mother. Thanos Titan came out of the hut and had to stretch a bit first. After, the men shook hands. They went out onto the terrace - it was unusually mild again for February.

After a little small talk, Thanos lowered his eyes muttering: “Your advice a good two years ago was the best thing that could have happened to me at the time. When I turned to Peter shortly thereafter, he was immediately ready to reunite our family. It took a few months, of course, and when Gamora entrusted her dream of this sports studio to me, I helped her find sponsors and, well, I sold my house. The small apartment in Queens is completely sufficient for me, I don't need a lot of space or a lot of personal things. Everything that really matters is currently under the roof of this building. I was also able to support the two of them in setting up _Benatar Athletics_ by helping them with childcare. Proxima, Yondu and Corvus have become my greatest joy. You are also a grandfather, I've heard? Isn't it the greatest joy?” Tony could only agree with this.

He admired the man boundlessly for his new selflessness. But then he remembered that this was yet the second house Titan had sold for Gamora ... Well, Tony Stark had never been forced to make such a decision himself - but he was convinced he had done exactly the same for each of his children. Thanos Titan and him, as he's realized over the years, were much more alike than anyone would have thought. Spontaneously he invited him to his home for dinner sometime the coming week. Maybe he could ask Bucky and Steve to come, too. After all, Bucky was 'something like Greenpeace,' he smiled. Him and the activist, who was probably still in Titan, would surely get along well. And he could talk to Steve about politics while Pepper was playing with Morgan. It was a well thought out plan to convince his wife of the perhaps latest addition to their circle of friends …

Benatar Atheltics:

Steve's 'anime' eyes:


	102. A bad Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture at the end.

**A bad Surprise**

(March 2035)

Shortly after Bucky's 34th birthday, he fed his daughter porridge at the breakfast table. She preferred to eat herself and complained. "I wan' eadin' alone!" "Go, take some fruit, angel. One bite's coming from you, one spoon porridge from me, agree?” At first the little girl had eaten very nicely, but her father thought it would be counterproductive if more porridge landed on the table, the floor, in her hair and who knows where else than in her stomach and stayed hard. After all, he had offered her pepper and orange pieces to eat herself after she started pounding around in the porridge with her spoon. His daughter glared at him, knowing she had no chance of getting her own way with him. Not when it came to eating and playing with food. She opened her mouth obediently, grabbing a piece of pepper. Bucky smiled at her.

Steve came into the kitchen looking like a catalog model, casual elegantly dressed for a day in the classroom. Every hair was in place, his beard he had trimmed weekly at a barber in Manhattan was perfect and a bright smile lit up his striking features when he saw his little princess in a fighting mood. But he didn't want to get too close to her now, he had to avoid her sticky fingers. He had no time to change after spending too much time frolicking and cuddling with his daughter in bed before taking a shower. For the latter he had given a completely upturned toddler to Bucky in the kitchen, who was making breakfast. He kissed his husband on the head getting himself some coffee. He would only have breakfast at school. Bucky had already packed him some. "Have you asked Peter about Alpine yet?"

Spring Break was approaching and Bucky and Steve wanted to take Morgan to Montana for a few days at the Barton Farm. Meanwhile, Peter should take care of Alpine. He was 18 now, still the nicest child in the sun, and hadn't even been pushed out of his first place in Tony's heart by his first granddaughter. Although as a grandfather, and moreover with a girl, he almost exceeded his own self from Peter's baby days. But Morgan's parents put a stop to it in time. Morgan Buchanan Stark shouldn't be a spoiled brat. Not that Peter had been one, but you couldn't hope that there was another child in the world who was and remained so humble.

However, as a dad, Steve had the same tendencies like his own father, so Bucky sometimes fought both of them ... "Yes! He is happy to be able to help us. Says we urgently need this vacation!” Bucky laughed: "How does he come up with it?” “He would love to join in on us, but he's working in a holiday camp.” “He is such a good boy.” “Yes, he is.” Peter spent them a visit often and liked to play with his niece. She had taken him to heart just like everyone else and her second word after 'Da-da' had been 'Bee-da'. Tony was disappointed about it not being 'Grandpa', but Peter was the only one he allowed this triumph ...

"Steve, you have to go!" "Oh, like in the old days. The school bell is calling!” “Don't forget your breakfast. I've packed you an apple for the teacher.” “Buck, I _am_ the teacher!” Steve laughed. "Well, the apple _is_ for you!" Steve leaned over his man and pressed his lips to his mouth. "You don't wear your hair open anymore," he regretted quietly. Bucky had his shoulder-length hair tied in a messy bun at the back of his neck. "When you're getting sticky fingers in it all the time, that's actually pretty impractical." "As if I haven't seen you with sticky stuff in your hair a thousand times." Steve smirked suggestively. "Mister Professor, don't mind me!" They looked deeply into each other's eyes.

"Daddy go to thcool!" Morgan just got too little attention for her taste. "Yes, you're right, princess. Daddy has to go to school.” “Can you make it for lunch?” Steve hadn't been home for lunch all week. They had given each other the front door to hand - and Morgan - almost every day when Steve came home from school and Bucky had to go to his repair shop. Steve looked at the clock. "What's for lunch?" "Morgan will want broccoli." _What else ..._ she wanted that each day. "Then I can't promise anything," Steve laughed, without looking at Bucky. "I'm making you something else." "You don't have to, baby! I try to be on time eating my broccoli, like a good boy.” “Apropos 'good boy', you're late, finally get out!" Steve waved to both of them again and hurried out the door. Bucky looked at his sticky daughter: "So, Missy, time for a bath." Morgan beamed, she loved having a bath.

With a fond smile, Bucky watched Morgan playing with rubber ducks, soap bubbles and cups, splashing around happily. With her dark curls and big deep brown eyes, she was an adorable toddler. He let his eye wander around the large family bathroom. The tiles had to be cleaned urgently and the windows were on the schedule again obviously. He sighed and got a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Part of his hair had slipped out of the knot, hanging around his face droopy , he had deep shadows under his eyes and if he was mercilessly honest with himself, his jawline under the stubble, which was too long, was not quite as sharp as in former days. He sighed again. Too often, he didn't have the time to eat anything sensible when he took a 15 minute break in the workshop. The donut shop next door was always his first and most convenient choice. Steve on the other hand ...

_Oh gee_ , Steve was on a strict diet and exercising so effectively that it took him the least time to get the best results. His body was breathtaking and the look he had developed in recent years with a gorgeous full beard and combed back hair was a real eye-catcher. Women have long looked at him just as often, or even more often than at Bucky. He closed his eyes shortly when he mentally canceled the donuts. He would take a healthy snack with him today. If Morgan gave him the time to prepare it ... The little one was very demanding. A whirlwind who needed a lot of alertness and always wanted to be the center of attention. And Bucky's 'shift' with her from seven in the morning to two in the afternoon was her most active hours. Today, he decided, he would prepare lunch earlier ...

His plan worked out perfectly. He had kept Morgan busy all morning with the wildest games, served her lunch an hour earlier than usual before putting her down for a nap. Successfully. After, he took her to a neighbor whose son liked playing with her. Janet, his mother, promised to take her home around four. Plenty of time for him and Steve ... After a shower, he blow-dried his hair to a silky mane falling seductively around his face and trimmed his beard to an attractive five o'clock shadow. This was so much better. His self-confidence came back. He put on things Steve liked to see him in and hoped he would come in time for lunch at least today. However, there would be no broccoli, but a round of breathtaking marital sex. They hardly got to it anymore ...

Yes, he knew it was like that when couples were young parents and he was sometimes amazed at how little it mattered to him. The whole new happiness he had with Steve and their daughter was something he had never imagined for the longest time in his life. Growing up in a loveless environment, rejected, neglected, constantly longing for security, love and family, he now felt safe and sound – complete. What he was having with Steve and Morgan was the fulfillment of a longing he had never been aware of, but which now determined his emotional world with such a clarity and vehemence.

Yeah, they weren't making love as often as they'd used to ... far from it. He was often too tired and so tense in everyday life and sometimes had trouble getting in the mood. It's always been like this: Sex has always been a serious matter for him. All or nothing. And if he was not able to get the best out of it, his desire melted into the same amount as his strength and vigor, which his exhausting everyday life only left him with. But well: they _were_ parents now and everything was wonderful and perfect! They were over 30 and no longer teenagers ... Also: today he was ready to get his Stevie swept off his feet! Yessir!

At the usual time Steve was to be expected, his anticipation and expectation increased by the minute. He fantasized in the most vivid colors what he would do to his beloved sweetheart, how and where he would touch, caress and kiss, lick and drive him crazy, he was already half-hard from only thinking about it ... But Steve didn't come on time. Just before Bucky usually had to leave the house to go to the workshop – with which he had checked in to register his delay, the doorbell rang. Bucky stopped, maybe some mail? He went to the door and found his mother-in-law on the threshold. "I'm sorry, dear, I know I'm a little late, but I've forgotten the time in my video chat with Thor and the little one ..." She stopped, looking at him with a frown.

"Bucky, you look at me like you don't know who I am anymore, I'm here to take care of Morgan while you're at work!" Bucky blinked a few times, asking her in automatically and got his phone from the kitchen counter, very confused. Voice message from Steve (12.08h):

"I haven't reached you, why haven't you ever got your phone on you? Baby, I'm so sorry, I have to step in with this trainee/mentor thing. I know I wasn't going to be there this time, but the banquet's lacking a table neighbor for a highly important person in the government education sector. I have drawn the lot ... What can I say? I'm just too lucky in love ... I'm on my way to Stamford. The banquet starts at 6 pm. I will definitely come back home but it'll be in the middle of the night. Crap, I'm missing the broccoli .. Mom arrives on time to take over Morgan. Give her a kiss, I mean Morgan, oh no matter, Mom can have one too! Have fun at work and don't wait for me, I will be really late. I love you."

"Oh!", He looked at his skeptical smiling mother-in-law. "I'm up to date, now." "Why aren't you ever on your phone?" "I've been very busy at 12.08." He grinned widely at her, "You can see that, can't you?" “I don't know exactly what you're about, but the way you're looking, I'm taking the wild guess you've been in the bathroom for a while.", she winked, "Is the little one sleeping?” “Oh no. She's down the street at Tommy's, they are probably in the playground. After all, I haven't known you ... I mean, about Steve not coming home at all and ... Janet's taking her home at four. Whichever you like. You can go there or be waiting ...” Bucky noticed he was babbling and fell silent.

Pepper looked at him a little sympathetically. "What am I supposed to get her for supper?" "She's had quite a good bite of broccoli but the potatoes were not to her taste. Maybe you try again with them and a little cheese, everything works with cheese - at least most of the time.” “I'm gonna be fine, I've got a bit of experience after all.” Bucky laughed, kissed her on the cheek, then again on the other one. "From Steve, the second one is for Morgan!" “I'm forwarding it. Now leave already, you're late!” Bucky nodded, grabbing his keys, wallet and phone and hurried out the door.

He hung his head briefly in the car. Too bad ... well, we'll catch up ... He put the phone in the holder for it giving the voice command to call Steve. "Hello Bucky ..." came from the speaker a bit reluctantly. "Stevie! I'm sorry I've missed your call, but at 12.08pm I've done something pretty tricky and ticklish that needed my full concentration. With a razor in hand you just don't want to slip in some places.” He heard Steve clearing his throat. "Buck, I'm not alone in the car." "Hello Mr Barnes!" the very amused, bell-like voice of the young woman, the _girl_ , barely older than 23, which Steve was assigned as a trainee, chirped up inside the car. Bucky froze blushing violently. "Hello Julia ..." he replied lamely. "I haven't heard anything, Mr. Barnes!" She giggled and Bucky had to cough, Steve's deep laugh joined her giggle.

"Bucky, otherwise your first question on the phone always is 'Do I bother you?', You oughta stick to your habits." "Yes, go on, have a laugh, punk. And you too of course, Julia. You have to survive a three hour road trip with Steve. You can use _any_ laugh.” “Mr Barnes, I am a teacher in Social Sciences and English! Steve and I can be talking to each other on end and even enjoy ourselves!”, the trainee teacher called out laughing. Bucky chuckled: "Poke him in the side a few times so he doesn't forget to look out on the street. He seems to think when he talks about two hundred year old stuff, there are suddenly only horse-drawn carriages on the streets.” “You're a jerk!” “I'm remembering, Mr Barnes.” “Have a good time at the banquet! Hopefully the food is good.” “Certainly better than the company, I am a table neighbor for Senator 'In my time you still taught creation'.” “Julia!" Bucky called, "I am sorry for this! You have to endure his bad mood for three hours on your way back!” “Oh, I can think of how to get him in a better mood, I guess. A discussion about external relations, for example.” “You've cracked him. Let yourselves go!"

Bucky smiled amused after the phone call. The faux pas with the razor story was actually quite funny. An anecdote for the big barbeque in summer, definitely! In the workshop he exchanged the events of the morning with Ricky, going to work after. It was getting late. He called Pepper and asked her to stay an hour longer than agreed. "We're having a great time! Morgan suggested going to the fountain to play sea battle there. At least that's how I've understood. She's giving me paper, demanding 'make a thip' and after she's sinking my works into the tides.” Bucky laughed:“ Yes, we're doing it all the time! I've gotten to be making the ships out of commercials to save waste.” “My son-in-law - something like Greenpeace.” “Mom ... ", Bucky was embarrassed by his pretentious style in his younger years, but well, his in-laws liking to wind him up with it occasionally, that was to be expected … "Has Steve got in touch yet?" “Yeah, the banquet is still in full swing.” “Poor thing – he's with Senator Wilkinson.” “He's wanted it that way!"

Around nine o'clock Bucky got a message from Steve: "Stuck here, there is an 'after show party'. They're all crazy.” “Text me when you're on the go.” Bucky had a plan. It wasn't about to be for nothing that he had put a lot of effort into his appearance today. When Steve's gonna text him about his departure, he would set his alarm clock to two and a half hours later, taking a nap, and when his husband came home, he would be amazed! When Steve texted him around eleven about them leaving now, he set his alarm clock to 1:30 am, prepared his outfit and lay down. He fell asleep quickly, he was always tired! He slept through the alarm ... When Steve got to bed, he woke up. "Wh-what? What are _you_ doing here?” “Uh, I'm living here, Bucky.” Bucky's brain activity came back slowly. "Why this early now?" “I am also happy to be home again, thanks. It's two-thirty in the morning.” It took Bucky a few seconds to process.

"Oh no!" He called, sitting up straight he turned on the night light. "Stevie! I've set an alarm! I've wanted ... shit.” He swung his legs out of bed, rubbing his eyes. "I'll be right back." Steve grimaced amused. "Where are you going at such an unchristian hour? To the fridge?” He teased. Bucky cocked his head sporting a glorious pout. "Is this supposed to tell me anything?" "No, why?" Steve's smile had widened. His husband wrinkled his nose, got up and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. What did it matter that he couldn't put on the flattering outfit to welcome Steve? What sense did it make when you're taking everything off soon again anyway? When he got back, Steve was immersed in his phone. Without further ado he took it away from him putting it on the bedside table. Steve's eyebrows rose so far they almost hit his hairline.

Bucky pulled his sleep shirt over his head, throwing it behind him with a dramatic gesture, and looked down at Steve with sparkling eyes. "There's also an after-show party here around, baby, and I'm making sure you like it better." He climbed onto the bed swinging a leg over his husband. "Nice to have you back, sweetheart" he wanted to kiss him with that. Steve sighed theatrically. "Buck, it's nearly three in the morning!" "No rest for the wicked ..." he whispered against Steve's neck, which he had already started to mouth at because Steve had been talking instead of kissing. "Seriously, Bucky, I've been in the car for six hours today and the night's going to be short anyway ..." "It's gotten late tonight, Morgan was a little hyper after her afternoon with Mom. She's surely sleeping in a bit tomorrow!" “Getting up at seven instead of half past six? So that's a real party!” Steve grumbled. At that Bucky was taken aback for the first time. When he looked at it in retrospect, Steve hadn't been the least bit impressed. "Oh. I understand. Yes, of course, it's fine. It's just been an idea.” “Are you mad?” “No no no! Of course not, it's just ...” Bucky told him his original plan.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry, we'll catch up. Tomorrow it's the weekend! Your courageous use of the razor blade will not have been in vain.“, Steve kissed him on the tip of his nose. When they remembered the call, they both giggled a bit. "How was Stamford?" "I'm telling you over breakfast! I'm getting some from the breakfast diner after my run. Does that sound like a good idea to you?” “Yes, it does!” After, Bucky's smile collapsed a bit. "But no donuts." Steve made a slightly confused face. "Well, as you like so. G'night, Bucky.” “Good night, baby.” He rolled off his husband putting out the light. "Truly, one hell of a shame I've missed your planned action to seduce me. What've you been wearing?” “I'm gonna wear it again tomorrow morning, alright?” “Another good idea, it's going to be a nice day.” “If I'm having my way, definitely!"

The next morning, when Steve came back from his morning run with a promising bag, he found Bucky somewhat distraught and in workshop clothes in the hall. He narrowed his eyes trying to joke: "I haven't imagined this for your seducer outfit." Bucky looked at him in a contrite way. "Oh, Steve, it's ... I'm so sorry. I have to go to the shop! There was a short circuit because the cooling system of the test station collapsed. Brent called 20 minutes ago, he's going nuts! All systems have failed and the car that was on the station for some stress test has crashed into the measuring and control desk. Fortunately, only at walking pace. "

Brent was one of the two intern students who worked in Bucky's shop occasionally. He had monitored the stress test the previous night and one of the control systems for cooling down the station's friction heat had a defect. The poor boy was completely worn-out when he called his boss. "That's terrible, baby! Can I do anything?” Bucky, who was almost out the door, came back to press his lips on Steve's mouth." You can forgive me for running out on you again." “Go on, that's important now, I understand. We'll catch up!”

'We'll catch up' had become an integral part of their relationship communication ...

Bucky worked with Ricky, Brent and Carl, the second intern student, until late in the afternoon. The damage to the workshop equipment, the clutter and the short circuit had been put back in order. The damage to the car that was on the test station when this happened was minimal and could be settled through the repair shop's insurance. The most expensive device in Bucky's workshop, the motor power testing station, was over, irreparable ... The two students were already gone when Ricky and Bucky said goodbye to each other in the yard.

"Hey, you can think of something, boss." "I am already formulating your job reference in my head. 'Barnes' Motor Barn' is history. At its end. Done. Well, that was that!” "You're about to fire me? You can forget this! I'm suing you!" Bucky sighed: "Let's face the facts: If I outsource all the work for which I need the test station, my turnover will be reduced by a whopping 25%. Add to that the loss of revenue I'm generating when I take over test orders from other workshops. Another 14%. Ricky, you've got family! You don't have to go down with my ship. You are a fantastic mechanic and I'm giving you a great reference! You have to think of your children."

Ricky Sherman looked at his boss thoughtfully for a little while. He put his big callused hand on his shoulder. "You also belong to my family, little one. Ever since an engineer appeared at Polito in too tight pants, addressing me 'sir' and introduced himself as Bucky-James, you've been damn close to my heart. I don’t even think about giving in this quickly, leaving the best job I've ever had. I've told you: You can think of something.” Bucky bravely pressed his lips together. "$ 140,000, Ricky! I don't know what to think of with this.” The older man chewed his lower lip thoughtfully.

"What if you're asking Steve for help?" Bucky's head shot up like that of an irritated cobra. "Don't eat me head off right away. Is this an emergency or not? And besides, what do you think he has to tell you when you have to give this all up, lose everything only because you're too proud to take anything from someone even once?” “I can't do that, Ricky. I can't!” “Take your stubborn head out of your ass for a few moments and at least think about it." Bucky looked down on the floor. After all, this wasn't all only about him. He nodded, "All right."

On his way home, Bucky was deep in thought. Ricky's eldest, Suzanne, was a sophomore in college, in fact she had developed a desire to become a teacher. Her two year younger sister, Tori, would start getting a degree in IT next year and the youngest, Lily, had turned out to be a talented dancer and had just been accepted into Natasha Romanov's exclusive ballet school. Aunt Nat's school was very expensive. Ricky would soon have his 50th birthday. It would be hard for him to find work ...

After an early dinner, Bucky hadn't grabbed a bite all day, they got Morgan her trainer bike from the garage, going for a long walk. In response to Steve's pressing questions, his husband had put him off for later that evening. Of course, to Steve the fact Bucky was absent and worried wasn't hidden, but he waited patiently. When they sat down with a glass of wine around nine, Bucky took a deep breath, determined to do it and do so immediately: "Steven, are you lending me $ 140,000?" Steve choked on his wine so hard Bucky had to knock him on his back several times. When he was no longer breathless again, Bucky told him the whole dilemma, paying special attention to the distress the end of Barnes' Motor Barn could bring to Ricky Sherman.

The question of what it would mean for Bucky was not discussed. Steve knew if he addressed it, he would send Bucky on one of his ridiculous guilt trips, making him think he was selfishly using and only pretending concern for his employee. So he simply asked him what the terms he'd thought of would be, and Bucky downloaded a standard loan agreement online at the current 8.7% interest rate. Steve thought this was horrendous at a sum of 140,000, but Bucky was not persuaded to pay a lower interest rate because of the lack of collateral he had to offer. Steve finally agreed, knowing very well what that meant. Bucky would have to work a lot to be able to cover this new position in his running costs. He sighed inwardly. They seemed to be drifting apart more and more lately. This has been going on for several months now. Was Bucky thinking like that sometimes, too? He didn't dare to ask.

And Steve should be right. Bucky never neglected his duties as a father, which meant after Morgan was put to bed, he often went to town with occasionally staying there for the night because he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He sent his man and child to Montana for their vacation - without him... When they said goodbye at the airport, he took his husband's face in his hands – pleading eyes, longing for forgiveness: "We'll catch up." Steve wasn't hating any phrase more than this at this point ...

*

(Someone who was completely satisfied with the situation was Alpine. The mini human had grown to be dear to her, cute as the little thing was, constantly craving for her attention. At least she knew to appreciate Alpine. But sometimes she was exhausting. The _mountain of meat_ had flown out and taken the bundle of energy with him, meaning Alpine was allowed to sleep in bed with her favorite human, _mountain of meat_ never allowed that! And her human was so affectionate, stroking and petting her each night for a long time, scratching her wherever she liked, talking to her... It was tolerable his face got wet at times.

He was like a kitten, her human! They always wet themselves! Just like that, you always had to lick them clean and dry. Oh, it was nice that he needed her. _Mountain of meat_ could jump in the lake and stay there! When he's not taking the mini human back, well, _she_ could live with it! But her human was so attached to the little thing ... The cat sighed heavily suppressing her human was also quite attached to the _mountain of meat_. But she, good observer who she was, had noticed he no longer seemed to be _too_ attached to the _mountain of meat_. Their life was about to be perfect! Purring loudly, she curled up on his chest falling asleep contentedly.)

**********************  
  
Just in case, someone was wondering what problem Bucky could have with his looks: He _has_ changed a lot over the years.  
  
The ravages of time:


	103. "You're not doing anything, Bucky-James ..."

**"You're not doing anything, Bucky-James ..."**

Steve and Morgan had returned from Montana tanned and bubbling with stories and adventures. Bucky, who of course picked up his little family at the airport, was heartbroken, but what should he have done? He had used the time and landed a lot of orders with his brand new motor testing station. This allowed him to create a solid sum for recurring smaller expenses. To celebrate the day of their return, they went to their favorite ice cream parlor on the way home and cheerfully feasted on three large ice cream sundaes (although Bucky, like Steve, had chosen the low-calorie version this time, with lots of fruit and fruit ice cream - without whipped cream). Morgan kept chattering on cows, thwines, cluckclucks and Bonters - the Bartons family cat. Bonkers, a fat, lazy, cuddly one with no celebrity attitudes - he even liked Steve!

He watched his husband out of the corner of his eye listening attentively to their daughter, smiling and asking her child-friendly questions. Bucky looked tired, stressed. His hair lacked springiness, as if even they were tired and stressed. With his head tilted towards the little one, his chin looked a little soft. Steve started. Was that the reason for the fruity sundae? He let his gaze wander unobtrusively over Bucky's shape. He had grown wider in the shoulders over the years, owing to physical labor, with muscular upper arms and sinewy forearms. His waist and hips weren't as narrow as they used to be when Steve sometimes thought he could hug them completely if his hands were just a little bit bigger. Which was, of course, a hormone-bound fantasy, but nonetheless one of his favorite ... At that moment, Bucky turned to look at Steve's, catching him studying his mid-body and he felt like Bucky was pulling his stomach in. What an absurd thought, Bucky, to pull in his stomach!

"How is everyone on the farm, Steve?" He had a lot to tell. After taking home the two of them and their luggage, Bucky got back into town again to check some data and enter it into the system ("It's not taking longer than half an hour, Stevie!"). Steve played with Morgan, eyed critically (disgustedly) by Alpine and when he looked at the watch for the first time, he frowned and sighed. _Wasn't_ lasting only half an hour apparently...

Meanwhile, Bucky and his second chief mechanic faced each other in the hall of Barnes' Motor Barn, hands clenched into fists and shoulders drawn edgily, they glared at each other, eyebrows drawn together. That'd happened like this:

(A quarter of an hour earlier)

"Who's left the light on here again? The boss's money doesn't fall out of his small bu... _Bucky?_ ” Ricky Sherman had left his phone in the workshop earlier in the day and quickly came back inside. Today was XFL match day and he only had this one vice - sports betting with small amounts and only in this one league. Finding his boss on the computer the night his family came back from vacation Bucky hadn't spent with them for reasons he hadn't understood in the first place was something that really wasn't to be expected. When Bucky had finished work a few hours ago to go to the airport, Ricky had wished him a nice weekend with his loved ones, firmly convinced his boss would try thoroughly to do so. "What are you doing here, their flight's been canceled?" "No!" Bucky smiled wearily at him. “We were having ice cream sundaes and I got them two home. But I have to finish this so the analyzes and forecasts could be calculated and sent. "

"You're a muttonhead." Bucky stared at the older one. "Pardon me?", Maybe he had misheard? "You've heard me. Have you taken leave of your senses? They haven't been around for ten days and you're dropping them off at home to go back to work?” Bucky gasped. "But only for half an hour, I'm finished right away! This is important!” Ricky Sherman pursed his lips. "And what else is important, Bucky, what? Tell me?” Bucky hitched a breath, got up taking a few steps to face Ricky. "What is it with this ridiculous, rhetorical question in this disparaging tone?" "Have you got an answer or not? ... _Boss_." What's that, Ricky? Do you think I'm correcting you or what? Telling you where your place's supposed to be? Have I ever given you the feeling ... ever played big boss on you?" Ricky interrupted him. "Hold your breath, kid." Bucky went pale, glaring at his employee. Then he sighed. He was too tired for things like this. "Why are you having a go at me like this?"

The older man's heart was tugged at, but he thought he had a certain responsibility here. Bucky Barnes, his boss and friend, who was closer to him than anyone else outside his family, apparently had no one but him to tell him some reasonable words. He sighed, wasn't nice to make himself unpopular, but what had to be done had to be done. "Listen, this is not going to be a walk and I don't want to stop you from work any further, either. Maybe you'd better get your stuff done quickly to get back home to your family.” Bucky frowned, looking at him skeptically. "What kind of everlasting speech is simmering in you so you think this would take some time longer?" Ricky Sherman took a deep breath. _Defiance_ \- he had quite missed that, but actually not! "Well, whatever you want: do you want to gamble away everything you've fought for so hard?" Bucky blinked a few times. "What are you talking about? I've just saved Barnes' Motor Barn! And I'm working like a trojan to get this …" Ricky interrupted him again. "I'm talking about Steve, your marriage and your family life with your daughter."

Bucky was speechless for a moment. Then he gasped: "What the hell do you mean?" Ricky looked him straight in the face: "Listen to me. I advise you to listen to me carefully: Don't make the mistake of believing the things you own are rightfully yours or that you are entitled to them, any bonus from the past or whatever. The things, the _important_ things you've got, you always have to appreciate, at all times and you have to cherish and care for them, you must never neglect them.” “But ... ", Bucky searched for words, "I _do_ appreciate, what I've got! I know how lucky I am! And I'm thankful! It's gonna be the way it is only for a relatively short time. I've calculated through: If I'm keeping my workload, I'll be out of this new loan in nearly two years. Two years, that's a blink of an eye!” “Now you've talked about that loan: why haven't you just asked Steve to give you the money for the test station? Why should he have denied you? "

Bucky stared at his friend and coworker in amazement. "I'm not taking anything for free!" He called in a hurt tone, "I've thought you knew I was better than that." Ricky Sherman laughed. _He laughed?_ Bucky's head snapped up. Why the hell was Ricky laughing? "What's so funny? And what do you mean by the statement I'm about to gamble away what I've got? “, His voice was small from cracking. "You're testing your luck." Now it was out. Ricky Sherman exhaled in relief. Far from it with the hope this would put their conversation on a more helpful level. "WHAT? Are you out of your mind?” Bucky screamed, "I'm not doing anything wrong!" The older man closed his eyes briefly, this was hard and shit, but it had to be and if he lost his job, well, he could actually sue the little shit who's come out of the lovable person who once was Bucky Barnes. No way he could fire him easily after more than five years with the company. He shrugged his shoulders. "Wrong, Bucky-James. You're not doing _anything_ – and this is worse...” The silence following this was ... loud, somehow.

"I'm not listening to this any longer, Ricky, I've got work to do," were the first words falling between them again. "Then I won't bother you anymore, have a nice weekend ... _Boss_.", Sherman snapped, snatched his phone rushing out of the building. A minute later, Bucky was still stunned in the same place. What was Ricky knowing about him doing with all of this mess? With a sigh, he turned back to the testing station data. His thoughts drifted back to what his colleague had said about the loan. He should have let Steve give him the money? He snorted, shaking his head. Did the man not know him at all after all those years?

Bucky got home just in time to put Morgan in bed with Steve. The little girl showed him a scratch on the back of her hand. "Ouch!", "Oh, baby girl, I'm sorry", he blew gently on, "would you rather like a kiss or a band aid on it?" "Alpine's mean" Bucky looked over at Steve: "Alpine's done that?" His husband smiled. "It's just a scratch, happens when you've got a cat. She scratches me all the time.” “Yeah, but she's never scratched Morgan!" She piped up again: "Alpine 's mean, Bonters' nithe.” “Morgan, little one, Alpine certainly hasn't wanted to hurt you, maybe she was startled. Tomorrow it'll definitely not hurt anymore, come on, I'm giving you a get-well-soon-kiss on it.” They read a bedtime story to the little girl, in distributed roles, in which they were awesome, tucked her in, wishing her and Benny-Bunny good night. Tiptoeing out of the nursery, Steve took Bucky by his hand to pull him to their bedroom. He raised his eyebrows.

"Chill without Netflix, Stevie?" “You've forgotten something, weeks ago up to today.” Bucky scrunched up his nose at him quizzically. "You still haven't dolled yourself up for me in your nicest clothes - to show your husband a little appreciation. I would be in the mood for this sight now.” Bucky laughed a little, kissed Steve's fingertips. "Alright, I hope you've chilled some wine." "Two hours ago. Hurry up! But still make an effort with your appearance, I'm used to a high level of male beauty after all.” Pleased with this statement, he sent Steve out of their room and after a shower and a prayer of thanks for his obedient hair, he lunged into their walk-in closet. A minute later, Bucky was writhing desperately on the floor with clenched teeth, swearing under his breath. The skinny jeans - one of Steve's favorites on him - wasn't to get buttoned. Not with all strength and effort ... Frustrated, he peeled the fucking thing off his legs and looked a little anxiously at the full-length mirror in the dressing room. Swallowing he closed his eyes briefly.

First thing he did was change his underwear. He felt forced to throw all of his mini speedos into the bin. One of the boxers he wore to sleep because they were so comfortable was much more flattering around his (fat) waist. Maybe the evening stretched until after sunset and Steve wouldn't get to see too much of him. What on earth he was going to wear so his man would find him sexy, puzzled him. Steve had always loved his lean, lithe body! He had a secret suspicion he wouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place if he had been built as broad-framed as his husband .... With a sigh, he searched the depths of their closet again. At the far end, in the last corner, he found their old motorbike clothing. He had sold his motorbike when he was a father and never climbed one again, test drives always had to be done by Ricky or one of the intern students, but the heavy leather pants were still there ...

No chance he would still fit in his own pants from back then, but he checked Steve's and had an idea. The pants fit him very well, after all, Steve had a narrow waist and hips compared to the bulk of the rest of his body, only there weren't any pants at the time in which this and his obscene thighs could have fit, so the pants fit loosely around Bucky's middle . He twisted an eye-catching purple scarf through the belt buckles and left it hanging open. He put on a purple and black patterned shirt, which he also didn't button up. His stomach was still flat, so please (and from today on he would do everything possible to keep it that way!). He'd do without socks and shoes. What's been a turn-on forever, almost a symbol, were the dog tags (now his own, he would never be able to wear his grandfather's again) and the Montana bracelet Steve gave him 17 years ago …

When Steve heard him coming, he was just moving a few files around in his folders for work, after all he had to wait a while. He called without looking: "I'm expecting a lot, considering the waiting time!" "You decide, Stevie!" Was the answer and when he turned around, Bucky leaned against the door frame in his sexy glory, which he had not staged for a long time opposite to apparently tonight. Steve was speechless. His gaze wandered along his body, from top to bottom and then again from bottom to top, and Bucky felt very warm, tingly under this stare, he felt literally caressed by the recognition and interest and ... yes, the _desire_ burning in Steve's eyes. Bucky could almost feel his soft and - above his upper lip - slightly scratchy beard on his skin, and he got half hard in seconds. "Come here, you ..." Steve whispered roughly.

It quickly got very hot ... The shirt (which had already been open anyway) was on the floor, the scarf was pulled out of the belt loops and put away for possible playing. Steve covered Bucky's upper body with kisses, with his mouth wide open, his tongue ghosting over his nipples and the narrow strip of fine hair disappearing into (Steve's) pants. Bucky's hands were running enthusiastically through Steve's soft hair, across his broad shoulders, his skin was tingling wherever Steve's beard had touched him...

Shrill beeps from Bucky's cell phone suddenly made them jump. "What is this shit?" Steve gasped between two very rigorous attacks on Bucky's neck. "Is it going to stop or do I have to release you to turn it off, whatever this shit is?" Steve didn't stop attacking Bucky's already throbbing pulse on his neck. It felt incredible under his lips. He groaned, squirming and gasped: "It's a 'al'rm, is not going to stop ..." "Fuck, then we have to ignore it, because I'm not gonna either ...", Steve hissed running one of his big, warm hands down Bucky's body, tampering with his pants button ...

The phone alarm grew louder getting more and more strident, downright penetrating! Soon it would, it seemed, sound like one of those annoying fire alarms when you're burning some bread in the toaster... " _Fuck!_ " Steve gasped. "Stop that, damn it, what kind of fucking shit is this anyway?" "It's an alarm .." Bucky replied breathlessly. Steve let go of him making an annoyed head movement towards the table. Bucky got his phone off the table, ended the annoying beeping and breathed into the following silence, utterly flabbergasted: "This is impossible ..." Steve narrowed his eyes, glanced at Bucky's features, which were confused, stunned and only a little turned on yet.

"What? Has the earth stopped spinning? Have the dinosaurs risen again? Has Congress cut taxes? What is impossible, Bucky?" He was at that moment not receptive to the sarcasm and unfortunately not to the vulnerability in Steve's voice ..."The data!" Bucky gasped, "It can't be!" Bucky got up, "Just a minute, I'll be right back." Steve stared at him with his mouth open slowly shaking his head. "Buck ... you're not serious, are you?" “I can't do it from the phone, I'm getting on the laptop, it's surely only taking some minute.” “And if not? Will we then catch up, sweetheart?” The undertone could no longer be ignored. Steve was pissed off. Bucky was still in front of him, undecided, but if he didn't immediately take care of this crazy data, none of his clients would get his analysis on time on Monday morning, and of course nobody would pay for the Monday morning service.

"Steve ... It'll cost me several hundred dollars if I don't fix it." Steve got up too, went to the kitchen counter, reaching for his wallet. Bucky frowned when he moved, unable to do so himself. He hadn't liked the look on his husband's face ... Steve took a wad of bills from his wallet, came back to Bucky, looking him in the face. "I'm paying for the loss in sales." With that, he tossed a few hundred dollar bills (Steve must be the last person on earth still carrying so much cash with him) on the floor in front of Bucky.

He stared at the fluttering thin notes stunned, gave a strange sound and when he looked up again with his jaw hanging, he looked Steve in the face again, making that sound again. Steve seemed to hold his breath, Bucky now realized he was doing exactly the same thing. He took a deep breath, shaky but it felt good anyway. "S-Steve, what's happening?" Steve took another breath, swallowed, licked his lips a little nervously. "Let's go on where we've left off. Let the work be work once, just this one time, baby, p-please. "

Bucky looked at the money on the floor again. "Y-you're paying me for it?" The undertone in the question put Steve on alert. "Of course not, jerk, that's been only symbolic! Jeez, Bucky, I haven't been in town for ten days and you run away from me more often than I can count!” “B-but I don't like doing this, it's important! Steve, I hurry up and after ...” “No, Bucky, _no._ Stay. Just once, please don't go. I've been serious about paying for your income drop. "

Bucky blinked a few times, looked back at the money, and then back at Steve. "What the hell are you thinking you're doing there, Steve?" Now Steve blinked, the venom in his husband's voice freezing the blood in his veins. But why the hell? What did Bucky think, how much more he would let himself be put in second line? How much indifference and selfishness and rejection could he take from the workaholic who had grown from Bucky? There is too much of everything. Of this quite sure too much...

Steve took a deep breath. He bent down to collect the bills to put them back in his wallet. "You're right, Bucky. I am sorry, it's been inappropriate and insensitive. Forgive me for assuming that in your new language I could get through to you better than with love and affection, a language you've once understood much better. Well, I don't want to stop you anymore. You've got important things to do, please go on with them. "

The words, pronounced calmly and masterly, took a while to get to Bucky. He turned them back and forth in his head for some moments without understanding actually. "L-language?" He stammered, confused. "What language do you mean ...?" Steve interrupted angrily: "Money! I'm speaking of the language of money! The only one you yet seem to understand.” Bucky's jaw dropped. Dead silence followed Steve's last words ...

He put both hands on Bucky's shoulders looking him straight in the face. "I want the man back I've loved, Bucky. I want him back.” His eyes widened, he looked as if Steve had punched him, his mouth twisted like a child's about to cry. "Give him back to me, Bucky, please, give him back to me." Bucky asked tonelessly: "You don't love me anymore?" The data was miraculously completely forgotten ...

"I _do_ love you. I will always love you. But I have to make a very difficult decision and I think you have to know that. It's just fair.” His husband's body trembled as if he were cold. "D-decision?" "I have to find out how good it still do to me to love you." "W-what do I need to know? Steve, what's this supposed to mean?” He realized Bucky hadn't gotten the content and meaning of his words yet, his expression was far too empty and confused. "We need to talk, Bucky. Maybe you'd rather do your job beforehand. "

"My job?" Bucky asked absentmindedly when Steve noticed the storm clouds in his eyes. Bucky soon would have gotten to what he'd been telling him in his head at any moment. He took a deep breath. "The alarm, baby, the data from the workshop, you've said you have to fix them on your laptop." "You're right, I'm doing so now." Bucky moving like a ghost when he left to go to their study was scaring Steve a little, but he wouldn't stay away from this for one more day. It was long since overdue and maybe their last chance to turn the helm around again - they couldn't go on like this, well, _he_ couldn't do so anymore ...

Bucky was in front of his laptop, staring blindly at the data series. They even wouldn't make sense if they weren't without the system bug. Bucky was the problem, _he_ didn't make any sense ... In his head words were whirling around, words like 'decision', 'language of money', 'decision', 'paying', 'decision', a picture of fluttering 100-Dollar notes in between, 'decision', his thoughts kept coming back to that word.

_Decision_. He jerked to his feet, jumping down the stairs, taking three steps at a time, and stopped with a pounding heart in front of their spacious sofa where Steve had been waiting for him. "Which decision do you have to make?" “Some more wine?”, Steve was controlled, having put on a calm, friendly expression, apparently he had also fixed his hair, earlier it had been wildly disheveled. A picture of calm and integrity - and determination. Bucky did not get down, nor did he take the wine on offer.

"Which decision, Steve?" "Have you managed the data chaos?" "You're driving me crazy! Fuck the data! Which decision?” Bucky's voice cracked slightly, his eyes were wide and his even features in a turmoil. Steve began to hope tentatively. He took a deep breath. "Please sit down." Willingly, his husband let himself be pulled next to him.

"This is not easy for me, you have to believe me. I've held on to the things we've once had for a long time, but I've got no strength left for this. I can no longer have this marriage as it is now. And that's why I've said you have to know what's going on inside me because I think it's only fair. So you have the chance to convince me I'm not just sticking to the past. To show me, things are still there. Good things. The things we've had.” Bucky was chalk-white, his mouth slightly open, shaped in a little 'O'. He found his language again only after a some moments, whispering in a hollow and toneless voice:

"You don't want this anymore?" Steve closed his eyes in pain pressing his lips together briefly. "I don't want this anymore _this way_." "This way." It wasn't a question, but Steve still felt like he had to explain. “We're live like two islands, only connected by a ferry every now and then - Morgan. Otherwise there is hardly any 'we or us or ours' left. I can't live like this anymore. I respect everything we have experienced together, the wonderful time we've had a long time, too much and I do not want to spoil it and the memory of it with anything.” “Spoil it...", Bucky's voice was still hollow and toneless . Steve put his wine glass in his hand. He looked at it like it was an object he had never seen before.

"I'm yet just a memory for you?" Bucky sounded as if he had woken up a little from his rigidity, taking a sip of wine when he asked, before twirling the glass nervously in his fingers. Steve shook his head in frustration. "You are still _everything_ to me, _the world_! But what we have become for each other sometimes looks to me as if only our past is worth my thoughts about it anymore. And more and more I'm catching myself living in _yesterday_ and no longer want to live in _today_ because it's hurting too much and I don't want to live like this anymore. I spend most of my professional life in yesterday. But I want to _live_ in today. With our daughter and with you. But not with your self from today. I want my husband back, Bucky. I want the man I've loved back. "

"And ... and that decision, you have to make?" "It depends on you: If you are willing to give me back the man I've loved, then I don't have to make a decision. If not, then I do.” Bucky's mind raced. He couldn't grasp or hold on to any of his thoughts. Nameless fear made his heart pounding wildly in his chest. He could hardly breathe, somewhat all went black in front of his eyes. He made a sound like a small wounded animal in a trap. "Breathe, Bucky, breathe! Please, in and out, come on, I've got you...” Steve helped with counting a few breaths for Bucky aloud. The blackness in front of his eyes disappeared and Steve's face cleared again. The expression in it was friendly worried but still determined and a little pitying. _Pitying?_


	104. Is there another word for 'very bad'?

**Is there another word for 'very bad'?**

"Y-you want to get a divorce?" A shiver went through Bucky's body, so violently it was clearly visible. Steve got up, took his shirt to put it carefully around his bare shoulders. "Get dressed, you're always cold after ..." Bucky didn't care if he was cold. "Do you want to get a divorce?" Bucky exclaimed terrified, not in the slightest concerned he could put on his shirt to ward off the terrible cold, taking possession of him. This cold wasn't coming from outside, the shirt would help like shit ...

When Steve then plopped down next to him theatrically throwing up his hands, he jumped. His husband turned to him, took his shoulders again with both hands, dug his fingers deep into his muscles shaking him gently: "Aren't you listening? I _don't_ want to get a divorce! It all depends on you!” “I don't want a divorce, Steve! I do not want this! Oh please, don't get divorced from me, Stevie! I can't live without you and _oh god_ ... ”, Bucky broke into wild sobs. Steve couldn't do anything other than pull him close. He knew how much he was hurting him. But he also thought Bucky should know how he was hurting him day after day ...

His husband's trembling body in his arms felt so familiar, his smell was so unique, his skin so soft, still so soft! The shirt that had been around his shoulders went somewhere long ago, it didn't matter to Steve. He'd missed him so much, he so wanted him, all too rarely Bucky was insatiable and passionate like he's used to be ... His big hands, stroking him comfortingly over his shoulders and back, sent well-being and intimate closeness through his own body. Bucky's sobs had gotten a little softer, less violent, but he was still crying bitterly. This was a thing bringing up Steve's deepest animal instincts. _Protect, protect him from the world, hold on to him in your arms, ward off any harm and never give away what is mine. Mine._ He _owned_ him. Many years ago, those had been his most passionate feelings and first attacks of undeniable want Bucky had been awakening in him. His breathing soon went faster, his hands on Bucky's body were more agitated.

It took Bucky a while to become aware of it, and like Steve, he had animal instincts, too. With him, however, they were of an entirely opposite nature. In moments like this, where he shamelessly revealed himself and his feelings to Steve, showing his weakness in an obscenely self-portrayal manner, let himself be held by him like a child - knowing how it would end: Steve would wash his face covered in snot and tears, helping him blow his nose as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do to a man in his thirties. Steve was so masculine and strong and so alpha, a protector! He would face a real dragon for Bucky! What those moments were doing to him took his breath away. He wanted to lie on his back, pulling up his legs, spread them like any slut, and beg for Steve's killer cock until his hoarse voice would give in if necessary. If Steve didn't give him what he wanted, he would keep crying until he screamed and drooled without being able to get a coherent word out, except: _fuck me_ and _Steve_ ... And Bucky also knew what those moments did to Steve ...

His breathing speed changed, imperceptibly at first, because when he was crying he breathed very heavily, too, he gave himself more to Steve's touch and between the last wet sobs and a little hiccup he got a few breathless sighs, sometimes a little moan in, and he worked his whole body against, or better _under_ Steve. When this drew a first suppressed moan out of him, he lifted his messed up face looking at him with huge, stormy-gray eyes swimming in tears. Slowly licking his lips he breathed: "Do you want me, Stevie? You can do anything you want to me for hours ...” “B-bucky ...” “Yeah, you want this, you're craving for it... I'm doing everything, Stevie. Lying down in the dirt for you wimpering and gagging for your cock, and when you're not bothering on getting some lube, only take your spit. I'm gonna scream, squirming beneath you and you'd have to hold me down, push my face to the ground, and if you want me to, I'm licking your boots clean .. I do everything ... Stevie, everything! Just fuck me for it, as hard and as brutally as you want, fuck me into next week! "

Steve grabbed his (fat) waist manhandling him onto the coffee table. Bucky hung his head from the edge fidgeting with his pants button. He didn't stop promising Steve the dirtiest things. Bucky's mouth in that mood was something! He had now come to face-fucking while his head was hanging down and that was a damn hot position for what his writhing husband, struggling with his button, was offering in most colorful words. Steve looked down at him, dazed, as Bucky was dirty-talking him and himself into dimension XY ...

Then he shook his head as if having water in his ear. This was ... _wrong_. He got up jerkily, pulling his already half down pants over his angrily throbbing dick. Darn uncomfortable, but this would go away again. Getting Bucky out of this mood could - no, what was he trying to sugarcoat - _would_ be painful, he'd hurt him again. Especially when he passionately swore his soul and heart out here for Steve. But it had to be. It was the only sensible thing. And if he was the sensible one this time destroying a sexy mood ... how many times had Bucky done so in the past hurting him just as much? Countless times...

"Bucky!" He called bravely. He raised his head, doe-eyed with hugely dilated pupils, and his face was drawn in passion. "Come on, Stevie, come and do all of this to me, everything you've ever wanted in your darkest dreams ... Come'ere and have it!" "Bucky, stop. Stop doing this. You have to stop it. This can't and won't happen now.” Steve let out the rest of the deep breath he'd taken for his speech. He hated when his husband looked like he'd punched him. And that's exactly what he was looking like at that moment. Pale, confused, as if he hadn't heard right. At that moment he got his pants open. The sound of the pulled open zipper as he jerked the gap in his crotch open was loud in the silence. "... w-won't happen?" "Please let me help you up, everything around you is always spinning when your head was down for a while, come on, I'm helping you, give me your hands." Bucky still blinked a little confused but his eyebrows were already contracting dangerously while he began to understand.

Bucky hadn't gotten any fairer in the past four years. Fairness was just not his strong point. Well, sometimes he was a _little_ fairer than in the past. If he was clear-headed. Of course, there was no question of that at the moment ... He angrily hissed at Steve when he wanted to help him up: "Get your damn hands off me." The biting words were answered by a similar hiss from the windowsill. Alpine had lifted her elegant cat's head out of her slumber to look at Steve - whom could it be otherwise - with derogatory arrogance, made a hump and disappeared through the cat flap into the garden. _This_ , she could do without it ( _humans!_ ). Bucky sat on the edge of the coffee table, hands behind him blinking violently a few times, he shook his head briefly, before looking up at Steve. "You _bastard_. Why are you this _mean_?” Steve braced himself dropping wearily onto the couch. Bucky went on spluttering violently in a voice dripping with hurt pride and anger:

"You're insulting me to be money-grubbing, bashing me, you threaten me with divorce until I can't help but cry out of desperation. And after you've got nothing better to do than getting me all hot an bothered, you're using my weakness and vulnerability, only to push me away? Are you nutting one from getting me to beg for it only to walk away with another insult?” Steve was speechless. Bucky was never _that_ unfair. This was bad ... _very bad_. He kept talking and Steve was almost a little afraid of what was to come, but he forced himself to be strong and straightened up a bit, he wouldn't let himself be insulted or accused without at least holding his head up and after he would eventually have to give Bucky some answers. "...never done anything other than give all my love to you. To you and Morgan. I'm working until nearly passing out so our family works, sometimes I almost fall asleep standing up - mostly in the kitchen, by the way, because it's me who's always doing the cooking and ... and you're doing me in out of the blue, Steven Stark, you are. .. you are. .. " He struggled for air. Steve looked at him with pleading eyes. "Bucky, please baby, let's ..." he tried his luck doubtfully.

"Talk? No, at least not now exactly. Forgive me for washing my face first. I know how much you're appreciating the sight you've caused, the puffy eyes, the dried tears, all the snot. Doesn't that make you quite a top dog, Stevie?" Steve gasped: "Listen, what's the point? That's so unfair! I ..." Bucky interrupted him: "And when I'm up there, I'm taking care of the data chaos in the server of my shop. I can't afford to lose that income. After all, as a divorced father, I will need every penny, won't I, Stevie?” Bucky rushed out of the living room… Steve closed his eyes desperately hiding his face in his hands. Was there another word for 'very bad'? _Stark, you are an author, don't act like that!_ There was one: _disastrous_. This was a disaster!

And Steve started to doubt. In the later inevitable conversation, however, he decided to _not_ confess everything to Bucky that had made him rethink his life and their marriage ...

Fixing the data chaos was easy for Bucky, now that his displeasure and anger at Steve's insolence no longer had him shaking with panic. With his face scrubbed clean (gosh, how messed up he'd been!), He was working on autopilot while reviewing what had happened between him and his husband. His anger subsided, had given way to cool annoyance. Then the part came back when Steve had thrown them bills at his feet. _What the hell?_ Getting the company software to work properly wasn't actually taking only a minute, but after five and a half he sent the data back on their journey through the analysis with a click. If nothing went wrong now, his customers would have their desired results Monday morning at eight, as promised.

So Steve had wanted to pay him for the 'loss' - ridiculous! Bucky snorted. What it would mean not to deliver a good dozen analyzes on time would not only be worth a few hundred dollars. After all, Barnes' Motor Barn wasn't the only repair shop with a test station and the associated software. Steve not being able to wait some minute, would have cost him those shop orders forever, as well as recommendations and regular orders which often resulted from those, one of the most convenient and safest sources of income for any self-employed business-owner. But how could he expect Steve to understand business? After all, modern business administration hadn't been taken to America hundreds of years ago on the Mayflower.

He found himself smiling a little, fondly, thinking of his Stevie ... Bucky shook his head gently, ready to go back down. He hoped he wouldn't have to ask Steve to apologize for the shit with the money, but he would figure it out on his own. And the next thing he would have to ask him was when Steve had become so desperately pushy again. When Morgan was a baby, they felt like they had to interrupt their lovemaking a million times with finding their way back effortlessly after a few minutes. The times of superlatives should now be far away from them, both of them over 30 now. One should have thought they had nothing to prove anymore about sex. He sighed. Steve had always been a little more uptight about this. He couldn't resent him. That's how he was, his Stevie.

He fixed his hair a little. Straightened his back, he threw his shoulders back and went down the stairs. In the living room he bent down to Steve, who was looking at him with a partly guilty, partly defiant expression, to put his hand on his cheek. "Well, man from another time?" He kissed him. Steve didn't respond very invitingly and Bucky straightened up, staring at his man with slightly narrowed eyes. Steve held up his gaze: “This took significantly longer than a minute. As always.” Bucky pressed his lips together briefly. So that's how it was. Steve had set his mind to go on nagging now. However, there were two of them and he didn't have the slightest desire to go on playing stupid little games. He poured himself some wine and raised the glass to his lips without saying a word, keeping an eye on Steve. "You're not saying anything.", He sounded a bit nervous now, Steve was also a little uncomfortably shifting back and forth under Bucky's calm look.

"I would like to postpone talking again a bit. We've been interrupted earlier on something I would like to finish before. I think it would be conducive to fruitful conversation.” Steve's eyes widened with resentment and defiant, but there was also a bit of ...interest. Bucky took Steve's half-full glass from the table, pushed it to his hand and dropped to his knees in front of him, clicked his glass against Steve's. "Cheers, sweetheart." Steve licked his lips sipping at his wine. "You're not saying anything," Bucky teased his man a little, his head tilted seductively, using his words from earlier, but in a completely different tone. With a deep voice, a purring timbre around some letters and the fact he was unmistakably coming closer to his husband, his face was only inches away from Steve's. A small sound was elicited from him. One that Bucky knew well. He took the glass from him, putting both of them away and the kiss he gave him was replied willingly and quickly quite eagerly.

It wasn't long since they were back in the same position they had been the moment the unwelcome software alarm went off. The sweater Bucky had put on upstairs was on the floor somewhere behind Steve. He kissed, caressed, licked and nibbled the sensitive and delicate spot beneath Bucky's ear, running his lips down his to close his mouth around a nipple. Bucky hummed an approving, pleased 'Mmm' but couldn't help but mess up Steve a little. He wasn't fair, never claimed to be, and the little devil in him rose, getting the corner of his mouths go up and wide in a grin.

"Here we are again. Could have been a lot earlier.” Steve's mouth was full, so to speak, and he snorted a little around Bucky's nipple, which was a nice feeling and he melted into it. He couldn't keep his mouth shut though: “By the way, my phone is upstairs now, don't worry. But Stevie, I have to tell you: You better hold your money together. You would have wasted a few hundred dollars almost in vain for something you can easily get for free now. One thing you could have had a while back at that.” Bucky had noticed Steve's tensing shoulders, even if he didn't respond. Steve hated being yanked by Bucky's chain. But he thought his husband deserved that now. In addition, a little adrenaline never hurt when it was coming to sex, he thought. The little love bite Steve gave him for it at a very sensitive spot turned out a bit firm. There it was, the adrenaline. Friend and helper to get in the mood. He went on talking:

" _Ouch!_ You're an animal, Stevie. What was that for? Have I annoyed you?” The tension in Steve's shoulders - no, in his entire body - increased thoroughly and alarmed Bucky. _Uh-oh_. Over the top... Steve's mouth peeled off Bucky's nipple with a small smacking sound and he looked up at him, his eyebrows drawn dangerously. "Is it enough finally, Bucky? Do you actually think you're the only one being right in this?” Steve got up, resolutely buttoning up his pants again. His husband froze at the dismissive tone. Unable to give a sensible answer to that, he said the first thing occurring to him: "Anyway, it wasn't my fault we've had this crazy situation earlier, or are you at this any different?" Steve gasped indignantly. "It wasn't me who came back calmly, having some wine and wanted to continue where we've been left off before the _situation_... You've wanted to go on with it before we would have a civilized talk about all of this" Bucky had gone calm again, sitting up straight to button up his pants too. "I haven't gotten the impression you haven't wanted to go exactly where we've been going." Steve thought for a moment.

"Your reasoning was good. Getting a little closer beforehand this conversation.” Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Conversation? Or lecturing, like in speech, like in _lesson_? I'm sorry. My workload of tears and submissiveness has been used up for a while, sweetie.” Steve was briefly speechless. Bucky's level of injustice today was unprecedented. He went on speaking in a biting tone: "Well, let's have this _conversation_. You are not happy with me. Tell me the first thing you want from me you can think of.” “Bucky, that's not the ... "

He interrupted him angrily and jumped up too, standing in front of Steve poking his finger in his chest: “Just tell me Steve, we can pick up on it. I feel like you've got a lot of things on your list. Just pick something out and start." Against better knowledge, Steve shouted: "First of all, you can stop paying back that fucking loan you've insisted on. I don't want your money.” Bucky saw the fluttering bills again in his mind's eye and saw red.

"Is this the first thing you can think of? Am I supposed to rather work through the installments? How much is a blowjob, tell me? We've got a tally list from now on?” Steve's face went red and he shook with anger. "You are quite some motherfucker tonight, Bucky. That's unbearable!" Bucky shouted: "You've hurt me!” “When you came down, why haven't you said anything, damn it? Instead of playing the cool one, ruled, whom nothing in the world deprives of his superior manners!” “Spare me your affected wording.” “I hate it if you are like this, Bucky. I _hate_ it!” “I already know how you like me better and no, I've told you before. My workload of this has been used up. I've been thinking a bit up there earlier coming to the conclusion there's more to it than you're telling me. That's why I've asked you for the first thing you can think of you want from me. And you're giving me this shit about the crappy loan?” “It's been the first thing coming to my mind!” “What's really going on, Steve?” Steve was furious at Bucky ignoring what he had said and about ... (him seeing through him).

"Going on is: you are a little shit right now. I don't understand how it's all coming together! All of your crazy behavior, a shitty fucked-up roller coaster ride of emotions you've got and want to force on me too. You tell me what's really going on here, Bucky!” “You've overreacted at a likely short interruption of some sex and it's me who's screwing up the evening? Me? Seriously, Steve? If you've had just realized earlier, you could have been screwing me instead. After your stubborn dickhead would have been clearer and you'd have been able to admit...” “BUCKY! ", Steve was literally screaming. Fortunately, Morgan was sound asleep. His husband started, jumping a little, frowning. Steve wasn't just mad. He was in great furor, of an unhealthy scarlet color, his whole body tense like a bowstring, his fists clenched, his telltale glittering eyes shooting sparks. He seemed to chew on his next words, as if they were too big in his mouth, too heavy on his tongue, but too bad to be let out.

But it still happened. Steve said what he hadn't wanted to slip under any circumstances tonight, not after how the evening had gone. Something he might never have had to tell if everything had gone according to plan. What might have become completely meaningless, by a chain of happy coincidences, good days and the right words and actions. But he did. And after it time stopped ...

"I've fallen in love!"

Much later, Steve was lying in their huge bed, very lonely without Bucky, trying to process these last terrible moments. The moments before Bucky had left him ...

(... the last moments ... when time stopped ...)

"I've fallen in love."

At the same time, Steve desperately wished he could go back in time. But time had stopped.

Bucky didn't look like he'd punched him as he did in those moments. No, he ... looked like he had been destroyed. He probably was.

"Tell me I haven't heard what I think I've heard. Say it hasn't happened. _Say it_.” Steve closed his eyes tormented. _Time had stopped_.

Bucky stumbled a step or two back because time wasn't doing him the favor of getting back. To the point where he hadn't to bear hearing this – _living_ this. _Time had stopped_.

Steve took a tentative step forward, causing Bucky to flinch as if he were a monster ... and not the man he loved ...

Bucky stumbled back another step. There was the coffee table ... Steve rushed forward to catch his falling husband. He just got hold of him. And automatically, he pulled him to himself to take the momentum from his inevitable fall.

Something clicked in Bucky, and the angry hiss signaling Bucky was actually losing control put Steve on alert. His husband yelled at him: "Take your goddamn hand off me, right away, are you listening?" Steve didn't react immediately and that made Bucky all wild with madness, leading him to attack Steve's arms, his chest and even his face blindly.

" _Getoffofmegetoffofmegetoffofme!_ "

Steve hugged him even more firmly, helpless and desperate, believing he was doing the right thing, holding on to Bucky, keeping him in the here and now, grounding him and stopping him from going wild... "Bucky! Baby, _darling_ , please calm down. You're scaring me!” Bucky's violent inhuman outcry shocked him so much he dropped his arms weakly. And - Steve hadn't thought it possible - it was getting even worse. Tears were streaming down the beloved face when Bucky started talking again...

"Leave me alone! I dont want you anymore! Leave me alone finally! I've built my whole fucking life on you! You're taking everything from me! EVERYTHING! Go and let me again be the noone I am without you! Go, leave this – _US_ \- be and be happily in love, asshole! No. You do not have to go. This is your house. Everything in our life is yours. You know what? KEEP IT! "

Steve was petrified. He noticed Bucky turn on his feet, walk to the hall, putting on some sneakers, yanking a jacket over his bare torso, seemingly desperately looking for keys, wallet and phone. He was unable to move. _Time had stopped_.

The keys were in the 'key bowl' by the door, who didn't have the 'key bowl'? He found his wallet on the kitchen counter and his phone was ... upstairs. He couldn't go upstairs, not now. Otherwise he would scare his daughter to death with tossing her out of bed to take her with him too. The one thing in this house he wished desperately to be able to take with him ... But that didn't work. There was no place for him to go with her. Another thing Steve took from him. ... Steve ... _oh my god, Steve!_ He gathered himself a bit, throwing Steve out of his thoughts ... and out of his heart? - hardly likely. Fuck the phone ... Bucky rushed out of the house without looking back.

And how was Steve doing? _Time had stopped_.

Steve, who was frozen until he heard the slamming car door, hurried out to the panoramic window stunned to watch the azure-blue Pick-Up, the most beautiful car in the world - with the most beautiful man in the world behind its wheel - disappear around the corner ...

Time started ticking again ...

And Bucky? It was a miracle he survived the 'blind flight' safely, with an endless stream of tears, bitter complaints and curses, all of which he did not mean, but had to call out in order to not go insane. A miracle, as he thought, when he found himself in the parking lot of Barnes' Motor Barn some 40 minutes later. He got out, swaying to the entrance, shaking, unable to open the gate for a few minutes because his hands were trembling, causing him to burst into frustrated tears again. Suddenly the lock clicked. He was in there.

The lamp on the answering machine flashed. _Yeah, sure, fuck you_ ... This was what he thought while still going to the phone system in some kind of trance to be listening to the message.

"Bucky ... I know you're going to your shop at some point, and your phone is in our study, I just had to try to reach you somehow. I don't know how to make up for it, I'm so sorry! Come back home, we're talking about it and ... just come home. I don't want you ... to be alone now when you're so upset. I'm so worried, baby! "

That was a bizarre déja vu. Bucky had left a similar message to Steve's voicemail four years ago when he was on his way to Helmut Zemo's apartment (his couch, his bed, the equipment room at school). Bucky, tempted to crush down his fist on the stupid thing of an answering machine, let out a frustrated howl. Would have been a damn big benefit to damage his workshop equipment. He remembered the answer Steve had sent him after his voicemail and went to the company computer. The email Steve had been feverishly waiting for made his blood run cold again. This was bad. Very bad. _Disastrous_. In comparison, the Zemo incident had been a trifle, he feared.

Bucky's email:

_"Quite right, Stevie. I'm in my shop (slash half of your workshop, after all, $ 140,000 of it is owned to you) because, as you probably know, I am not as effortless as you able to find a couch (a bed, an equipment room at school, open arms and legs and willingly compliant body openings) where I can crawl in. Because, as you maybe also know: I've fucking believed in us. In the fact what we've got is something unique and exclusive. But as you obviously have known for a long time, I wouldn't have dreamed of such a thing: It's been only a beautiful fairy tale. One that only a stupid gay boy like me could imagine. Outstanding teacher you are, you could have taught me the realities of life more gently._

_I know you've got a day off on Monday. I'm there early Tuesday morning to look after Morgan. I may be someone who's running away when getting their heart teared out of their chest, but I don't run away from my responsibility. We are parents, Steve, nothing will change this and I want you to know... You also need to know I am Morgan's father and you and nobody else will take her from me. No none. Not you and noone else. No way. Never, understand?_

_JBB."_

Steve cried himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess, some of you are a bit put off with me. I'm sorry. I've cried myself writing this. 
> 
> To make up for it: I've given chapter 125 of the German version to my German friends these days. They've forgiven me... ;-)


	105. A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed

**A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed**

The Monday after the fateful night, after dropping his backpack in the Barnes Motor Barn locker room in the morning, Ricky Sherman came into the repair hall and was not surprised to see his boss, or better his legs in those ridiculously tight pants - he had to smile a little - sticking out from under a jacked up car. He also knew Steve had a day off today and Bucky had wanted to exchange his workload in the afternoon for the morning because he wanted to go to the zoo with his husband and child. The rhinos were fed in the afternoon and them were Morgan's favorite animals at the moment. "G'd morning! Seen in group chat you gave Brent and Carl homework today. Then we are among ourselves. I think that's a good thing. I have to apologize to you."

Ricky's way of naming the facts without a period or comma was so familiar it started to tingle a little behind Bucky's eyelids. He had been so lonely all weekend, alone with himself, his thoughts, his grief, anger, and broken heart. A heart-felt bashing from Ricky was exactly what he might need now to feel a little more like himself ... wait a minute ... he has to apologize? He was lying on one of the roller boards well-known from repair shops and was getting out from under the car. His co-worker and friend was over him in an embarrassed pose with a grimace on his face next to the Pontiac he had just been working on, looking down at Bucky. It took less than two seconds for his expression to change noticably. He suddenly looked shocked and very concerned.

" _Shit!_ " He gasped. "What's happened, boy?" Bucky sighed letting out a cheerless laugh. “You don't say, you've noticed?" "Have you ever looked in the mirror today? If so, I'm surprised you even left the house. I know you're sensitive to that, but I'm still telling you: You look like you've slept in the ditch. Like something the cat's dragged to the porch.” “I _have_ looked in the mirror while brushing my teeth. Speaking of cats. What do you think of the idea of having a workshop cat?” Ricky was alarmed. Something had gone terribly wrong the last weekend, but it was always a good strategy to follow Bucky's script, otherwise he would retreat faster than someone could call 'Action!'. He played along.

"Do we have a mouse problem? I don't mind. If it's not an insidious beast like this enchanted evil snow queen who's the boss in your home. I don't want to have claws in my calf when I'm using a cutting torch.” “Alpine? Insidious? She's the cutest kitten in the world and frankly, I've thought of her. Would bring a little shine and elegance to this shop, my sweetie.” “We've already got you for shine and elegance. Not today, I admit. Honestly, you _have_ looked in the mirror, haven't you?” Bucky laughed, again as cheerlessly as earlier. "I'm afraid, you have to make friends, you and Alpine. Since she's gonna live here.” Ricky was stunned. _Live here?_ The first thing that came to mind was, "When was the last time you've eaten anything?" Bucky blinked, thinking hard. "Yesterday?"

Ricky Sherman shook his head reproachfully. "Since your answer's sounded like a question, I'm convinced you have to grab a bite first off. Go up and fix your hair, we're going to Betty's.” Bucky couldn't have admitted, at least not right away, but it was good to have someone to care. Care for _him_. He sighed again holding out his hands to his mechanic to help him up. The mention of food had made his stomach growl and he was a little weak. Maybe his last proper meal hadn't been yesterday. A Snickers and half a bag of Lay's _might_ not considered to be 'food'. He hadn't found anything else in the apartment above the workshop …

In the breakfast diner around the corner, Bucky poked his scrambled eggs listlessly. Ricky, who had already had breakfast with his family, only had some coffee and looked at the younger one with deep concern. He had deep shadows under his eyes, the wrinkles he was slowly getting were deeper today and he had a bitter expression around his mouth. Today he didn't notice the many looks grazing him though. He, who otherwise always spread his charm in such a magical way making people around him - people like overworked waitresses, giggling, insecure teenage girls and tired mothers - a little bit happy. He seemed deprived of all zest for life and energy. Hanging shoulders, his chin lowered to his chest but the worst thing was his empty eyes. No more sparkles, no smiles, even when the corners of his mouth rose to a parody of one. _Great God_ , what had happened?

"You've said when you came in, you want to apologize ..." He raised his eyes to look at Ricky questioningly. "I scolded you a muttonhead." Bucky laughed, for the first time this morning he sounded a bit like himself. "Hardly the worst thing you've ever called me." "Not only that, I've blamed you for things I don't know enough about and which probably don't concern me." Bucky took a sip of coffee. He made a face, it was already dead cold. He looked around and when he saw their waitress, he turned the light on his pretty face, so to speak. "Rosalyn, my angel, I've let my coffee go cold. I know I'm a nuisance to be more work for you you already have to do, but if you find the time, be so kind and bring me a new cup. Is that possible?” The waitress literally melted like butter in the sun and dashed to the bar to get a new cup.

"It's a pleasure, Mr. Barnes, it hasn't been any trouble. You're one of our dearest guests, you and Mr. Sherbert here.” She gave Ricky a tiny glance, but the dreaminess Bucky had triggered didn't leave her face for a second. "Thank you, Rosalyn, you're saving my life," Bucky beamed at her. "Oh," she giggled, blushing and scurried away, her face hidden behind one hand. "You're a menace, do you know this, Bucky Barnes?" Ricky growled, amused. "Am I, Mr. _Sherbert_?", Bucky smirked a bit nastily, "So I'm looking like something the cat's brought in?" Ricky snorted: "Don't want to know what happens when you put together your usual glorious looks with this. If you weren't gay, you could probably get a harem.” “Breaking news, Ricky. I could, even though I'm gay. It also works for bartenders,” he winked. "A friend of ... _Steve's_ once claimed nobody in town would get as many free cocktails as me. But that was years ago."

Ricky got serious at that and couldn't hold it back. The mention of Steve's friend, with this pause between the two words. "Tell me what's happened." Bucky looked at him in silence for a long moment. "But not here. I'm finishing my coffee.” “And your breakfast, please. You've barely touched it.” “It's dead cold.” “A smile from you's conjuring up fresh ones on your plate in an instant.” Ricky laughed. "Likely. But I'm not really a nuisance! Be an _angel_ and have some pancakes packed for me while I drink up.” “You _are_ a menace.” “A hungry one too. Please, Ricky.” He looked at him so kindly and pleadingly Ricky Sherman's heart contracted painfully. What had happened between the boy he loved like a younger brother and his husband? "Do you have syrup in your apartment?" "Um, no. Sorry.” “Great, three dollars more for a dollop of syrup ...", with that the older mechanic toddled of to the counter.

"What's up at work today, just so I can tell Elaine in time how long she has to wait for dinner. Because now you're first feasting on an overpriced pile of pancakes with worse overpriced syrup and we're having a conversation.” Bucky laughed at him. They were in the tiny staff kitchen, the coffee machine was working and a considerable mountain of pancakes was perched on a plate in the middle of the small table. "Nothing." "What do you mean by nothing?" "Everything due today, I've done over the weekend." Ricky gasped. "And the Pontiac I've found you under this morning?" "Due tomorrow, 4 pm." "Now have them pancakes. And give me some, for your surprises I need a strong stomach.” “Help yourself. "

"You've said you've wanted to apologize?" The older man took a deep breath. "You know, I've been thinking. You're a smart boy, Summa Cum Laude and all that. And when I made those inappropriate reproaches, you were surprised.” “Well, it came out of the blue, so ... “ “You were surprised because you've heard this for the first time in your life. I've realized.” Bucky frowned. Ricky went on to talk, "You can't act surprise." "I'm a top-class actor, best in drama for two years." "You _were_ surprised." "And that's taking you where exactly?" “I don't know exactly what you are now serving me a role but I can do without it. What's happened? Hell and devil."

Bucky collapsed. He tossed the pancake he had just been eating on the table, hid his face in both hands, sighing agonized. "He has ... Stevie, my Stevie has ..." He gasped for words, not able to get it out, "Ricky ...", he sounded like a child. Ricky jumped up, hurried around the table, put an arm around his shaking, now sobbing boss. "Let it out, boy, it'll do good." He sobbed, coughed, almost choked on the words he couldn't get out, the terrible words that had shattered his world, _his life_. A few minutes later, his breathing had gotten a little calmer. He whispered tonelessly: “Steve has fallen in love. I've lost him. "

_Time had stopped._

Bucky came out of the small staff bathroom where he had washed his face and plopped down on the chair opposite Ricky.

"Now I'm going to tell you why it is so important you were surprised: As I've said, you are a clever boy and if Steve had given the slightest hint your behavior, the fact you're working this lot saving your little free time for your daughter, if he had warned you this would estrange him from you, then ... In life you would not have ignored it. If Steve had given you a couple of sticks of dynamite and asked you: 'make a decision: Me or Barnes' Motor Barn', you would have blown the shop up without blinking an eye. In your defense: You would have waited until I was outside. Thanks for that.” Bucky chuckled, half sad, half amused. "You forget one thing: If Steve were such an asshole asking me to do this, I wouldn't love him enough to do it, would I?" "Well, isn't Steve an asshole? Including the recent events ... "

"I've felt like that a thousand times in the past two days, but that's not very objective, I think." "If he hasn't told you all of this, sulking silently, expected you to see through him and read his mind, only to put a knife in your back now…” Bucky raised his hand, shaking his head violently. "He's fallen in love, Ricky. Hardly anything any person in the world can do anything about.” “Oh, come on. Don't protect him again! To fall in love, in your age it takes a little more than to bend down in the hallways for the same textbook. Surely he could have prevented that. You can always with situations like that.” “You're speaking from experience?” “You are a nosy fuck! I won't tell you anything else, just this: Things like that are fading away when you're not doing anything about it. I guess you've done dozens of times as many times as people are throwing themselves at you.”

"Huh. Never happened to me before. I can't remember I've had to consciously avoid someone because of being at risk of gambling something not worth losing for some butterflies in my stomach.” “Shit, you are insufferable sometimes. Must be nice to live such a holy existence.” Bucky laughed. "Oh come on, you know me, I'm not a saint! How many times have you had to listen to me rambling about getting dizzy when one of the bad tattooed guys is driving away from the workshop, a chrome-flashing bike between killer thighs, saving you from any further imagination, what else I'd like to do on that chrome-flashing bike.” “And every time I am very grateful to you for saving me. It's meaningless, by the way. They are only stupid little fantasies, pranks our brains're playing on us, because instead of having to go through a long working day, we would much rather do other things. Humans are just hairless, sex-obsessed bonobos, basically, "

"What are you a cynical man, Ricky?" "And you would have run a mile, faster than Usain Bolt at his time, if only one of those bad tattooed guys would have seriously offered to squeeze _you_ between their killer thighs instead of their chrome-flashing bikes. Now it's your turn.” Bucky laughed out loud. "Oh my, God!", he called after catching his breath again, "The flowery language, and that from you. I guess I haven't _always_ spared you everything going through my mind.” Ricky grunted good-naturedly. Then he looked him seriously in the face: "So who is it, who does Steve think he's in love with, so seriously he questions what really matters?" Bucky's expression collapsed. Steve hadn't told him at all. He hadn't asked either. Neither of them had to. It was obvious.

"A colleague. Ten years younger than us and just as much a history and politics nerd as he is.” “Ten years younger than you? A _child_?” “That's not what I think of her, not at all.” “You know her?” Bucky sighed. "Yes, of course." "How have you known?" "What?" Bucky blinked in confusion. "How have you found out?" He looked at the table top, blank expression on his face answering tonelessly: "He's told me." " _Fuck_ ..." Ricky exclaimed suppressedly. "I can tell from your reaction you're judging it exactly as I am." "And that would be?" the older man asked carefully. “It is obviously serious and important enough for him to tell me, the man who has been by his side for over 15 years. I mean, isn't that the last thing you admit to your partner? You may confess cheating in marriage, defend missteps with flimsy excuses when you're still holding onto something, believe enough in something you don't want to smash. To not destroy what's left. He told me anyway and smashed something with it. Destroyed it. Us.” Ricky slumped against the back of his chair.

"Just like that?" "It's a wild story, I'm limiting it to some key data. After the dearest of my permanent employees so charmingly wished me a nice weekend, I quickly worked out the data. I went home and we put Morgan in bed.” “I've already told you I apologize for that.” Bucky smiled wryly at the contrite expression on his face. "I'd also like to listen to this again in detail, Ricky. But not now. Besides, you haven't been all wrong, more on that later. Steve suggested we'd meet up for a glass of wine in the living room – it's what parents call a romantic date. I dolled myself up a bit and everything went well until the darned data alarm went off, you know the software and its pitfalls. Steve was pissed with that a little bit and after a bit of back and forth we were suddenly in the middle of a conversation about _decisions_ , good old days and valuable _memories._ "

Bucky got up to pour them coffee, stretching his tense limbs a little, and got down again. His expression was calm and composed, but the look in his blazing eyes did not bode well. Something else was about to come ...

" _Decisions_ and _memories_ suddenly went into 'you are no longer the man I've loved' and less than a quarter of an hour later the word _divorce_ hung in the room. After that it was pretty fucked up. After a crazy mix of frenzy, passion, anger and shouting, Steve told me. Right in my face: 'I've fallen in love'. The next thing I know with clarity is: I was here. Alone. And since I had nothing better to do over the weekend, I've worked. I'm going to have to work a lot to avert my financial ruin, don't you think so? And to be able to take care of my daughter. I also need an apartment. I can't take her here.” He folded his arms in front of him on the table and tiredly, exhausted, dropped his head on it, hiding his face. The slight tremor of his shoulders indicated he was crying, again ... Ricky swallowed hard.

"But, Bucky ..." Sherman had to clear his throat, he was a little bit hoarse. "Don't you want to fight for him at all?" The suffocated laugh-cough from the space between the table top, his crossed arms and his face had a most cynical tone to it. He raised his head wiping a few tears from his face: “This is futile. He doesn't want me anymore.” “He's said so?”, the older man growled. "Well, indirectly he has." "Oh, come on, Steve is the last one to say something indirectly." Bucky had to laugh a bit.

"He only wants who I was. Him, who I am now, he doesn't want him anymore.” “You have to explain this to me.” “He's told me a couple of times. He wants the man he loved back. I'm supposed to give him back the man I was. That one he can love. Like hell I will.” Bucky exclaimed the last bit with great force. "The pretentious, self-in love fuck, he doesn't exist anymore and I've worked hard to get rid of him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" "For the first ten years of my adult life, I was nothing more than a stupid boy. Vain, fake, arrogant and oh so proud of my worldview. Proud to have the perspective, to know everything you need to know about love and people. I've always liked the role of the misunderstood, lonely, rejected gay boy who's hungry for a little love and recognition. My God, has none of you all ever gotten that? Me always best at feeling a little sorry for myself and always trying to get attention? ”

“Anyone who knows you would describe what you have in the ugliest of colors as lovable quirkiness, sensitivity and courage to be yourself. And you too oughta hurry to call it like that. Do you want to see yourself from ten years of your life in such a light? For the rest of your life?” “Oh, I can handle it, that's how I was. I trust it wasn't expedience, I didn't do it on purpose. I am not a bad person and never have been. I was just stupid. "

"And what are you now?" “A father, a businessman, a man with a personality I don't have to be embarrassed of in ten years. My greatest personal achievement if you ask me. And now you can understand why Steve's disappointed me so much. Steve, who swore to me on the day of our wedding to help me succeed, achieve my goals ... On the way to today, our goals must have followed different paths. And what's more: Steve's told me he doesn't want to live in yesterday anymore. He wants to live in today. However, he wants that with the man I was yesterday. This is absurd. And I don't do this anymore. For nobody. Not even for Steve.” “What do you mean?"

"Be someone else, lose myself, betray myself. I don't do it anymore. I don't think I have to. I'm fine the way I am.” Ricky took a deep breath, put his big callused hand on his forearm squeezing lovingly. "You _are_. And now I have to cry right away." "Oh yes, please, I've cried so many times in front of you. I've been waiting for revenge for eight years!” The older man snorted: “Look, there's still something left of the stupid pretentious boy.” “Thank you for saying 'boy' and not 'fuck'.” “Pure habit, even though we don't even have a curse jar in the workshop. ”

"Oh, we'll need one when Alpine's living here. She is very sensitive.” Ricky's mouth fell open. Bucky burst out laughing. "You should see your face ... It was a joke!" "That was something suiting you so well, you could have meant in dead earnest!" "That _has_ suited me, you mean." The older one sighed. "Come on, there's still a bit left of this about you, luckily. Because it's pretty funny!"

"Another pancake? If not, I'm packing them for tomorrow.” “Do so, I'm full. Bucky ... “, his tone told him what was coming was of a much more serious nature again, "Talk to Steve. Tell him all of this, maybe he will understand how much he's hurting you and everything can be settled again. It could be like that.” “No, I don't. He has to understand this without me telling him.” “God Bucky, don't be so stubborn and so proud. You've said: you're a father, two of you're parents! There still has to work a lot between you, for many more years, even if it may be too late for your love. It's permanent and does not go away: You _are_ parents!” Bucky sighed heavily.

"Many more years do you mean? What's supposed to happen? Steve and his new wife will produce some step siblings. The next thing will be the appointments for visitation rights will be canceled, then the honorable Mrs Stark will insist Steve's ex-husband finally reimburse his loans after paying installments irregularly for years and the end of it all will be this bitter strife is carried out on Morgan's back. This will be the day I'm leaving for good to spare her.” Ricky shook his head in amazement. "Gosh, you had a lot of time to think over the weekend ..." "Only routine orders, on autopilot, paired with bitterness, a shitty combination." "Bitterness doesn't suit you."

"God, Ricky! But I _am_ bitter! My world has collapsed!” Bucky exclaimed. "Count one and one together. You are right! I've heard it all for the first time! These accusations of us just being like two islands with hardly anything in common. That I have changed so much he can no longer love me? That I haven't anything left of me he loves? With nothing else on my mind than money, spoiling his beautiful memories. In conclusion: I have no one but myself to blame that he's fallen in love. What other context were I am to get out of this?” He shook his head in disbelief.

“Tell me, Ricky, who's telling things like that to the man he still wants to be with, whom he's still giving a chance? _Who?_ He just wants to calm his conscience – _he_ has done and tried everything. After all, it would be my fault if I missed the chance. Steve wants to get rid of me elegantly without having to live with the guilt of just throwing us away because some new adventure is luring. With someone not loaded with a past, someone fresh, immaculate, unaffected by grief and worry - and responsibility. Sounds fun, doesn't it?” Bucky was crying again and swearing under his breath. He was annoyed with himself.

"He hasn't told you he was unhappy." It was a statement. "No! He _has_ told me he's regretting I have to work a lot and have a lot of responsibility which is sometimes overwhelming me. But he's always been behind me. He's known what Barnes' Motor Barn meant to me, supporting me in my career. He's respected my dreams and goals. The only thing ... “, Bucky turned a little pink. "Well, I don't have to tell you much. You're also a man who's working physically, a father and paying off two mortgages for a house. I don't have to tell you about sometimes being just dead tired.” Ricky shook his head gently. "I'm not 20 anymore. But now he's looking for a remedy. I haven't known it was so crucial for him. Not aware of him putting it above everything else when in doubt. Maybe I can be blamed for not knowing. I can not tell. But I'm asking you: have I deserved this? Only because I ... Do I deserve this because I believed in the steadfastness of our love, no matter how often the bedroom walls're shaking?"

“I hope you don't expect an answer to this. I don't like the fact there is so much cynicism about your new mature personality.” “The man who's broken my heart is an outstanding teacher. Looks like he's taught me a lot. All of it in one crappy night.” “And yet he deserves to be listened t. He deserves an opportunity to express his point of view, to represent his side of matters. There is a possibility this is just a terrible misunderstanding! As you've said, how can such a damn big thing happen in one shitty night? How the hell!” “In what stage is a marriage, when it can be blown up like this in one shitty night? You tell me!” Ricky sighed: “At least think about it, promise me.” Bucky thought a little. "Maybe you are right. I will think about it. I promise.” Ricky nodded in satisfaction. He would keep his word. For the moment everything was said. Except one thing. "Don't do anything drastic." "For example?" "Cutting your hair off." Bucky laughed shaking his head.

"Come on, let's sort out the screws and nuts box!" "Oh no ..." Ricky groaned. Sorting out the screws and nuts box, a box into which they were always throwing everything in when they were in a hurry, was actually the job of the working students. However, they were comfortably at home clearing mountains of data. The little shits. "You've said nothing was due today." "I'm not paying you $ 47 an hour just to watch me cry!" "Fine, Cruella de Ville," Ricky muttered, and they went to the most unpopular job at Barnes' Motor Barn ...

After a day filled with all the tasks Bucky and his second chief mechanic always liked to avoid, and with Bukcy wandering aimlessly and thoughtfully through Brooklyn for a few hours, he fell into his narrow bed in the tiny apartment above the workshop, exhausted, around ten . _His new home?_ Yes, he told himself, his new home - he probably had to put up with it...

Lying awake, his thoughts circled again about the (shit lots) events of the past few days. What Ricky had said about him having a lot of time to think and developed a new (unappealing) cynicism he could not completely disclaim ... Since he had always believed so firmly in values: love that overcomes everything, at the top of his list ... _had_ it been some misunderstanding? An angry outcry in emotion to provoke him? In any case, it had been a really fucked up night, all in all. He sighed scolding himself some dreamy imp who tried to cling to false hopes .... _Don't kid yourself, Barnes. Julia Walters is perfect for him!_


	106. Another uncomfortable conversation ...

**Another uncomfortable conversation ...**

When, at the end of the second gruesome week, his husband had not returned to their house, but on the contrary packed and took away a considerable amount of his clothes, Steve was faced with the ungrateful and cruel task to inform his parents about the situation. The situation, which he actually did not understand, how he had to admit to himself. In these two weeks, two things had come clear to him: Ultimately, he didn't actually care about Julia Walters, after believing for a few weeks his heart would go jump out of his chest when she entered the staff room. The second thing was: he didn't miss the Bucky from earlier days ... he missed the one he had become.

And he didn't see the slightest chance of credibly explaining this to him. Bucky spoke to him only the bare essentials - and nothing seemed to need to be discussed except Morgan. How was he going to get Bucky to believe it was all a terrible mistake on his part? Born out of the old, long-felt feeling of missing something. Living a basically boring life and Bucky's imagined waning interest in him, his body, their sex life, had led Steve on this stupid wrong path. And now? Now this basically boring life they had led looked to him like heaven on earth - why was he so damn stupid? Why?

Again he was caught in his own trap, a trap he dugs up for himself over and over in life, bottomless and scary: this hunger in him to _be_ someone, to do _something_ , to prove himself. Bucky had asked him a few times in life why he always thought he needed to prove something to himself, the world, and the man who loved him. Steve didn't know. And when, with the years after their marriage, everyday life became more and more common, they raised a child together, did their jobs, the old fear grew again, nourished by circumstances such as additional tax payments, childhood illnesses, lawn mowing on Saturday mornings, walks after lunch. ..

That ugly old fear the incredible man by his side would in the end realize what a boring simpleton he had fallen for, having wasted years he could have spent with men, his worthy, dazzling, fascinating, and glamorous men like him himself. Men in whose beds he would never have been too tired ... It didn't help that Steve himself had developed into a very handsome, attractive man - some insecurities simply never passed. And then it happened. The most popular colleague in the staff room was interested in him ... And he was intoxicated! He didn't think about having an affair with her, no, that was behind him, he was no longer the man who cheated on his partner. He also hoped that was the point at which he and Bucky would finally be able to fix that one unsolved sore point in their relationship.

If Bucky would choose to fight for him against a real true threat, maybe Steve could finally find himself valuable enough. And now his life was in shambles. Bucky was gone and didn't fight for him, and he had never actually wanted Julia Walters anyway, and he basically hadn't wanted to go back to the past either. What a fool he was ... He sighed and sent a sent message to his mother:

" _I want to come over with Morgan a bit, are you at home?_ "

" _Yes, we are. What a nice idea! The ball pond came back from the cleaning company today and Peter can't wait to have fun with his niece in it anyway!_ ”

Steve and Morgan went off right away. When he arrived at his parents' house, his mother greeted him and Morgan warmly. "Bucky is still working, I take it? Is he coming later?” “Uh, no. He ... he has a lot to do.” “The workshop accident was a tragedy. What a shame he was forced to take out another loan.” Bucky and Steve, by mutual agreement, had not told the family the loan had come from Steve. "Your husband is a wizard! He was so successful so quickly. I saw his last balance sheet. Overwhelming! He built the shop from scratch just a handful of years ago and was already in the black - and not even a small amount of black before that happened.” She smiled encouragingly at Steve.

"You'll see ... In no time at all, he's there again, I'm convinced. He must have worked so hard and he also took care of a baby. When Morgan goes to kindergarten, Bucky will be more successful than ever!” Pepper babbled cheerfully as she put drinks and snacks on a tray in the kitchen to take everything with them to the garden. Jarvis had already informed her husband and youngest, who were in the workshop, the visitors had arrived and the two of them would come at any moment. His mom singing the praises of Bucky like that was a turned knife in Steve's wounds, and he grew more and more queasy thinking of the inevitable conversation ahead of him.

They sat on comfortable garden armchairs under a parasol having iced tea, while Pepper kept chatting without even noticing how quiet her son was. Maybe that was because she was talking to her granddaughter now, who didn't answer very much, but listened attentively to her grandmother. When Tony and Peter came out, however, she was out of Morgan's picture which did not bother her much. Morgan was one of those 'men's babies' who preferred the XY-chromosome-owner, which was no wonder with two fathers. She took it with equanimity and put all hope in her grandson Erik, who was very attached to her. If only he weren't that far away ...

The little girl jumped excitedly and joyfully towards her grandfather and uncle and let her grandpa cuddle her, who after passed her on to his youngest son. "Peedah!" Peter hugged her smiling brightly. "Hello babygirl! The ball pond is back, do you fancy? It's okay, isn't it, Steve? Hello by the way!” “Hey Pete! Sure, go on! “, Steve was even pleased to have them out of earshot. Peter and Morgan disappeared towards the play area, which was rebuilt now the Stark Seniors were grandparents.

"How are you, Steve?" The answer got stuck in his throat. Tony narrowed his eyes, glanced sideways at his wife and noticed she was worried too. "Steve?" She asked anxiously. He sighed suppressed, reached for his glass like a lifeline and took a deep breath after a sip. The best thing to get over with right away has always been his best strategy.

"Bucky has ... he has l... Bucky's moved out two weeks ago.", The bomb was dropped. He exhaled in relief. His parents stared at him, both of whom had turned a little pale, but forced themselves to stay calm. They waited to see if Steve would go on, but he seemed exhausted from this short sentence alone, so they looked at each other briefly and Pepper nodded almost imperceptibly in response to her husband's almost imperceptibly raised eyebrow. "Moved where, Steve?" Pepper frowned. What was that a stupid question? But when Steve's answer came she was aware that clarifying facts was always a good first choice to get their eldest to talk. “To the apartment above the workshop. You know it. Hardly two rooms, in one of which the kitchenette is housed.”

For Steve's parents this meant their son-in-law had not 'run away' with another man, which they could hardly have imagined, but life was sometimes too crazy and colorful and way going too far! It also told them Bucky hadn't looked for a proper place to live - it was hard to call the hole above his shop a place to live. The apartment was there, saving Bucky from having to go to a hotel because for some reason he needed distance from Steve or time for himself.

"Where's Morgan when you go to work?" “Bucky's of course coming every day looking after her until I get home from school. What do you think? Of course he does so. He doesn't avoid this responsibilities!” This told his parents Bucky and Steve saw each other every day and probably exchanged a few words. It also told them their son-in-law hadn't left his child, hadn't burnt all bridges, but was still incorporating everyday life with his daughter into his day's work as a matter of course.

"Has he told you why he's moved out?" Tony asked calmly. Pepper's head jerked over to him ... Wasn't that a little early to pester Steve? He turned dark red, could not look at his parents at first, but then gave himself a jerk, raising his head and said bravely: “He didn't have to. I confessed to him something that could only drive him away.” Pepper immediately thought of the crisis throughout Steve's engagement phase and how shocked she had been about her son's infidelity, which had led to the mess. Many conversations with Tony about it had given her an understanding of a tolerant, open relationship, and she had come to the conclusion that it was entirely up to Bucky how he intended to deal with it, and who was she to judge?

But the little voice in her, which had been silenced at that time, rose again: The pitcher goes often to the well, but is broken at last. That was exactly what she had thought then and now she thought it again. "Steven, do you have an affair?" She asked bluntly. Tony's eyes widened, but Steve sat up, straightened his back, his shoulders and looked her bravely in the face: "No, Mom, I haven't again ... After that ... No, I've been loyal to him since we did get married. I'm no longer cheating. It is worse. I ... I thought I've fallen in love and I've told him." His parents looked at him like a thing from space ... Fallen in love? With someone who isn't Bucky? _Steve?_

"And ... don't you love Bucky anymore?" His mother asked gently. Steve sobbed. Pepper got up and gave him a handkerchief. He blew his nose noisily and gasped for a few moments, struggling with tears as his mom stroked his hair soothingly. "Oh Stevie ..." she breathed sadly and with a lot of fondness. She hadn't called him that for over 20 years. Only Bucky still did so. _Bucky_ ... He had to cry truly now. His mother hugged him, holding onto him until he calmed down a bit again. "Mom, I want him back! I have to have him again! If I don't have him anymore, I'm a mere shadow, a ghost, a nothing! I love him with every fiber of my heart! I don't know how that could have happened!"

Tony had decided to leave it entirely up to his wife, Steve was clearly her child today and she was his anchor. He just watched, aching in his heart. Seeing his child suffer and imagining how Bucky, whom he loved like his own son, was doing, almost took his breath away from grief. "Steve ..." his wife said lovingly, "we love you. No matter what's happened or what you've done. We love you. We may not approve or even love everything you do or did, but we love you.” Steve sobbed, grabbed his mother's hand. "Mom ... it's ... serious." He looked up at her, clutching her hand tightly, almost painfully, and her noble features twisted sympathetically. How her son suffered!

"I know, darling, I know. But you won't lose him forever. You love each other, you are meant for each other, you are soul mates!”, She looked at her son kindly but firmly in the face. "Maybe it won't work out as quickly as you want it to or anyone who loves you, but you'll work it out in the end. Don't you believe anything else.” “But mom! He's moved out! Moved out! He's left me!” “Give him time, darling, as hard as it is and as it hurts, give him the time. Bucky loves you and he loves Morgan. There is nothing the two of you cannot overcome. Don't forget this.” “I ... Oh, mom, I hope you're right! But what am I supposed to do now? ”, His gaze hung on his mother as if she were the longed-for rescue from a hopeless, life-threatening situation.

"You have to find a balance between 'giving Bucky time' and still the same time showing him you care and that he is important to you. Go to him, show him you want to take the effort to put it right, but leave him alone when he's asking you not to push.” “Why's he accepting it right at that? Why isn't he fighting for me? "

"You haven't told us who he has to fight against, Steve," was her answer. It came to him the same moment. Of course, his parents hadn't asked him pestering questions. Steve swallowed. Tony too. But Pepper was her mostly laid-back, well-considered self and that strengthened Steve's back at that moment. More than compassion - or even pity, feelings or outbursts of emotion could have done. He straightened up. "The young teacher I was assigned as a trainee ..." he murmured. His mother laughed. Wait a minute... she _laughed_? She had met Julia Walters at the last school's party, an ambitious, enthusiastic girl, still half a child! Daughter of an influential Boston banker, pretty, clever, but indistinguishable from millions of other young women. It's only astonishing Bucky thought he had nothing to oppose!

"She admires you, adores you, that's obvious. That can turn a man's head. But ... Steven, didn't you realize how insignificant it is and how quickly it will be over if you don't go there? How stupid you've been.“ No more time and place for him anymore to find solace now. Stupidity was something Pepper Stark rarely tolerated, and when one of her sons did something so extremely stupid, she felt attacked in her motherly pride and her educational abilities. Steve glanced at her only mildly offended and seemed to be hanging on her lips. Tony was amazed, unable to imagine how his son would have reacted to these words if they had come from him. Pepper suggested:

"Leave Morgan with us, we are always happy to have her around. Go home, think about what you want to tell him and go to him, tomorrow!” Steve nodded absently. "Alright. Yes, that's ... yeah, thank you! "

Late in the evening when Morgan and (maybe – not likely) Peter were asleep, Pepper and Tony talked about it again. "What do you think about Bucky not fighting for Steve?" Tony sighed. “First of all: Bucky is not a fighter. Throughout his life, he's focused on Steve mainly reacting to his actions. Bucky is therefore no weaker than Steve. I think his strength lies in accepting things, accepting what life's serving him, assessing his chances at the right moment, striking cleverly. And he can deal with defeats like no one else I know. Indomitable by any fate. That's what is needed when you love Steve, don't you think so?" Pepper giggled a little but still wanted to know:

"And secondly, why the hell isn't Bucky fighting? I really don't understand!” “He doesn't dare. That would be the first fight in which he would not survive defeat." Pepper looked at him with her mouth slightly open. "Anthony Edward Stark, you're so smart!" Tony giggled to himself. "Oh, that I can yet experience this after all this time! I've been waiting for 35 years for you to finally see this hidden strength in me.” “You're an idiot.” “Aaaand over again. Today you've outrun me by far, but you've always had a knack for handling Steve.”

She raised her shoulder. "Us, you and me only have to work together, so we're getting our brood safe and happy throughout life." "Don't be so humble" He hugged his wife tightly, "take the compliment." "Oh, darling, I don't know, it's just come to me and it's worked, I was almost surprised myself!" "Well, I was fascinated. You were incredible, Miss Potts.” “Oh, Mr. Stark, so you're in one of those moods ... I guess that's not about all for now, Mr. Stark? To be honest, I hope so." Tony laughed softly and kissed his wife ...

*

The next day, Steve put a lot of effort into his looks, putting on clothes Bucky liked on him ... He wanted to show him he spared no effort.

Oh, if only he had known what night Bucky had been through ...

Bucky had been hungover at six when getting up after a largely sleepless night, taking a pot of coffee to work in the repair shop. Steve showed up around eleven, as fresh as spring morning, every hair in place, his gorgeous beard trimmed and in Bucky's favorite shirt, the gray, tight one that brought out his steeled torso so well. Alpine, who was lying on the desk, raised her head and, if cats could do so, would have rolled her eyes. This terrible place her human had taken her to was really bad enough, even without the _mountain of meat_ …

Bucky eyed him briefly from top to bottom and back again, hating his heart for beating faster. He knew he looked like shit himself. After five hours sticking to the elbows in engine compartments, stained with oil, his hair, greasy-looking from ungroomed drying, curled into a messy knot, with shadows under his eyes and a gray hangover face … A switch was turned in him. Bucky exclaimed, "What do you want from me? Haven't I been clear? You should have called first, I'm very busy!” Steve was shocked by the forceful outburst. "B-bucky, I ..."

His husband interrupted him wildly: "No, Steve. _No!_ Not 'I', enough of your 'I'. The world is not about your 'I', imagine.” “Yes! You're right! Bucky, please ... how can I say anything relevant without using the word 'I' or 'me'?”, he looked a little desperate and also a little funny in his misery. It tugged at Bucky - tugged a lot. Steve felt it and he took a step closer, put his hand on Bucky's cheek, caressing down to his neck. His fingers curled around the nape, the little sound in his throat was so inconvenient, but he couldn't help it. Steve looked so good and Bucky yearned for him. "S-steve ...", he let out unintentionally. He opened his mouth slightly and narrowed the distance between them. "Bucky ..." he sighed and when he was close to kissing him ... he pushed him away. Steve closed his eyes tormented, but he understood ...

Bucky looked at Steve intensely for a short while, eyes blazing, but then turned away. "Please ..." he said tonelessly. "Please leave, I have a lot to do." Steve's heart sank. "But ... Bucky, please, if I ... uh we're seeing each other next time, can we talk?" It was cute how Steve avoided saying 'I' and Bucky's heart clenched painfully. But what had been expected of him the night before was still in his bones. "Steven ..." he sighed, "please ... I can't now and I don't know when I will. You have to accept this.” Steve dropped his shoulders taking a shaky breath. "Whatever you need, Bucky. Whatever you want." _I want you to only need me, only want me and only love me_ , Bucky thought, but of course didn't say out loud. "Thank you, Steve," he said instead, intending to go back to the Ford he had been working on when Steve came, but he needed to know. "Where's Morgan?"

"I left her with my parents yesterday to ... I've had to come, talk to you and..." "You've told them?" Steve nodded. "What have they ... when are you going to pick up Morgan again?" Steve frowned. "Aren't you alright with her being there?" "How do you get this idea? I don't have to decide when ... it's your time with her.” “Bucky, you have to decide everything concerning her. We have to decide everything together. _Do_ you mind?” “No, of course not, it's all but your right to take some time out, pursue activities, meet people, _alone_ …" Steve looked confused at that for a moment, biting his lower lip after understanding what his husband was meaning. "Bucky ... I don't see her outside of school." "You don't have to tell me, after all it's none of my business, Steve, is it?" "I have to tell you this and a lot more. Why don't you at least want to hear me out? Not even once? "

"Haven't you said everything already? Haven't you done so, Steven?” He turned to the Ford, their 'conversation' was over. Unmistakable.

Steve left without another word and was terribly unhappy. Bucky too ...

He stared blankly for a few moments, reviewing the gruesome previous evening. The evening that had driven him to a bar, where he had gotten drunk and had engaged in a fast hand-job in a dirty toilet stall around two in the morning. Only that, nothing more ... He hadn't even been able to kiss the faceless stranger ... A wave of self-disgust came over him, he had to rush into the washroom to spit out some bile, and as he washed the bitter taste out of his mouth, he considered back and forth ... who was lying? Julia Walters or Steve? _Who?_

Steve's cell phone vibrated in the passenger seat. He reached for it electrified. Was it possible...? He deleted Julia Walters' umpteenth text message without reading it, like every single one else before ...

*

Morgan's birthday was getting closer. Bucky would probably insist they split this special day between them. Each of them would be able to spend a few hours with Morgan. And let's be honest: what a crappy birthday this would be for the little one? Steve sent a message to Thor:

" _Hey! Third birthday of my princess is coming! Would you like to work a bit again? I am of course expecting mate's rates. ;)_ "

Thor, who was of course informed of the events, texted back immediately:

" _I'd like to! There’s a triple discount for my sweet niece! Does Bucky agree?_ "

" _What do you mean, agree?_ "

" _Agree you are planning a party._ "

Steve wanted to bother with texting no longer, calling his brother.

"Steve?" "Am I bothering you?" "No, no, we are at the playground at the camp. I have a good view of Erik.” “How's the little one doing?” “Thanks for the obligatory demand. Well. He's just eating his second pound of sand on this gloriously sunny day.” Thor was a laid-back fun father like Steve, who, like his older brother, often had to listen to blame from the other parent of their offspring. "Don't let Jane change his diapers. I vividly remember the day when Bucky found a marble in Morgan's diaper. I could have done without that lecture." Thor chuckled: "It won't happen. Jane has just gone to Chile for a week.” The thought of Bucky had darkened Steve's mood a bit again and brought him back to his cause.

"What have you meant about Bucky agreeing to a party? Why should he mind?” Thor sighed audibly. "I've already organized a lot of parties for kids from separate parents." The term 'separate parents' gave Steve a sting. “The parent with whom the child is not living often feels ignored and that always causes problems. Communication is often poor and while one wants a bouncy castle, the other has a ball pond in mind. Or one wants a NASA theme party and the other wants a fairytale ball.” Steve grunted in agreement, but had an objection: “Bucky and I can take considerations on Morgan's behalf.” “Sure!” Thor laughed a little to himself: “ Two of you are no show-offs at all...” “Pardon me, what do ... oh, never mind, keep talking.” “With parents who are a couple, this is usually negotiated early in everyday communication. Morgan's birthday is about five weeks away and it's a Sunday, isn't it? Perfect. Talk to Bucky, ask him what he's got in mind and clarify all of it. After, there's still enough time. "

"Yeah, alright, I do so. That means I try. You know, this communication thing ...” “Are you still not talking to each other?” “He still isn't talking to me, you mean.” “Steve ... talking to each other always includes two.” “Are you doing a training I don't know about?” Steve laughed. "So to speak. Which means I have taken some education. Jane and I attended an online seminar on communication and partnership that lasted several weeks to get to grips with the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship. We don't have a long-distance relationship anymore, but after all she is still often away on business and the seminar had taught us a lot.” Steve was briefly speechless. _Thor! Man alive!_ "Tell me, how do you get along with Jane working so much?" "I've always known, haven't I? I mean, it's tough now and then, but I'm really damn proud of her. ”

Steve swallowed and felt a little ashamed. How arrogant he had been to think he and Bucky had invented perfect love and partnership! If Bucky have had thoughts like this since this happened? If only he talked to him ... He had so much to tell him, so much to ask! "Steve?" Thor's deep voice startled him out of his thoughts. "I'm still there ... Yes, well, I can only say, Thor, this is a great achievement, how you deal with your relationship ..." "It's a matter of luck, Steve! I've always been good at arranging myself where there is a place for me. As a middle child, for example ...” Steve frowned. "What do you mean?" "Being your brother has prepared me well for the role that I'm taking on now. Satisfied to be who I am. Not to strive for things that I have not been granted. How could I have stood against Loki's - or Peter's - brilliance, or against your ambition and your determination to be a person making a difference? Everything I could have done would have been done by one of you beforehand. ”

Steve's mind was racing. "Thor ... have you ever suffered from this?" This was finally what he decided to say to the matter. "Well, not often anyway. After all, I've always found some niche where I was good, the best of us. I am very athletic and I am the only one who's making music deserving this name. Without wanting to get too blunt, your playing the trumpet was terrible. And Loki and the cello remained a love-hate relationship. The instrument loved him and he hated it.” Steve laughed, his brother was right. "You really have always been a sporting ace and ever the rockstar! Your project in Junior for Economics, the children's parties, they were top notch and you found your true talent in it. Of all of us, you have always been the one who could have the best fun and spreading it around. Yes, Bucky won prizes with his event planning class, but he was always a bit grim about it from ambition. The ease with which you tackle things like that he has never mastered. That's why I'm sure he doesn't mind you organizing a party for Morgan. After all, it's about her and fun and, above all, her fun! ”

"Ask him anyway, Steve." “I'm in touch again!” “Anytime!"

When his older brother had hung up, Thor was a little lost in thought. Erik took advantage of the moment to eat another shovel full of sand ... Hopefully Steve wasn't wrong in Bucky. Separate parents often became bitter rivals. It still remains to be seen whether Bucky would let it be taken from him - organizing Morgan's birthday - precisely because he _was_ grimly concerned about stuff like this. But Thor was an optimist. Maybe Steve actually wasn't wrong. He should really know Bucky best by now ...

Steve, meanwhile, reminisced about Morgan's second birthday. A party Bucky had planned ...


	107. Morgan's Second Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a little lighter mood: a happy throwback <3

**Morgan's Second Birthday**

Weeks before the big event, Bucky started planning their princess' second birthday. He did research on countless websites and collected tips and ideas. Steve, who knew how much Bucky had always enjoyed planning an 'event' in high school, listened to him attentively, but rarely objected. However, it was he who, unlike his husband, knew the children and their parents from the playgroup they went to twice a week in the afternoon ... There were three boys and a girl.

Louise was a smart two and a half year old whose parents owned a restaurant in Upper Manhattan. George was the chef and his wife Moira the manager. Bucky had to outdo the cook at that ... In every free minute he perfected his skills, baking yeast dough mice and filling tomato hedgehogs. Could have been laughable ... After all, when he prepared the food for a party, everyone was always amazed - a cook from Upper Manhattan would be taught a lesson.

Cole was Morgan's, as Steve called it, devoted lackey. The boy was just a little older than the little one and ran after her at every turn, admiring her what it looked like, limitlessly. His parents were lawyers. Jefferson Banks McKenzie the Third and his wife Grace de Llewelyn, the latter from ancient New York money nobility. _Great_ , even Tony Stark was probably _new money_ to people like her and under her dignity, how high she would wear her nose to him - a workshop owner - he didn't want to imagine.

Leonard Elrond (What the fuck? _Elrond_?) Was the son of a violinist at the Met, Sylvia Dawson, and her 'life companion', a performance artist named Le Divine (Whatever the guy really was called - Herbert Twistlewater probably .. .). The sensitive boy constantly gave all of his playmates in the group homemade works of art made from natural materials. Morgan had recently gotten a doll from a corn cob and decided without further ado that 'Lennad Elhond' was now her friend.

The fourth little guest was Danny Wilder, a lively rascal who was on the move all day, climbing on everything high and dangerous enough, and the only child in the playgroup not only known by Steve because he his parents had done a playdate on a Sunday with Morgan's parents. Bucky really liked the architect Marc and his wife Holly, she was a nurse.

*

Morgan's second birthday was on a Saturday. The family was invited to this - an intimate celebration so as not to overwhelm the little girl. The children's birthday was scheduled for Sunday. The beginning of July had become an eventful time in the family: Morgan's birthday on the 1st, the wedding anniversary of Tony and Pepper on the 2nd and Steve's birthday as well as the traditional garden party on the 4th. Her grandparents (of course only Stark's) with Peter and Loki would be there, Thor was out of the country with his partner and child. Jane had accepted a four-month research contract in Chile, where winter was now deep and therefore the best time for astronomers.

James Rhodes had always been a welcome guest. Without claims and always helpful. The day also had a surprise in store: Shortly before, Bucky found out his dearest (and only) friend and best girl ( _bridesmaid - yes!_ ) was spontaneously invited to a conference in Boston ending the day before. Her best friend answered her request on the phone to be allowed to come to the event with a "Are you crazy, why are you asking at all?" "The little girl doesn't know me at all and it's her birthday. How can I make her happy?” “Time for her to get to know you. I think a goat would please her, but I don't think you can keep one here in the garden.” “You're an idiot. Wait, I'll give her one for her first menstruation!"

After the conversation, Bucky sent her the doodle to choose gifts for Morgan's guests. On it were simple, funny gifts, suitable for a two-year-old, such as soap bubbles, stickers, washable tattoos, putty and crayons. Shuri chose 'stuffed animal still missing in her zoo' when she discovered 'goat' was still missing ...

For the big day, Steve had insisted his husband shouldn't spend it in the kitchen (he almost thought he'd moved in there at his one-man tournaments to bake perfect yeast dough mice), so a cake in a teddy bear shape had been ordered and pizza would be delivered for the early evening to end the party. He laughed at Bucky's frown about two such unhealthy treats in one day for the little one: “It's her birthday and it's only once a year! She's getting your sophisticated nutrient-rich, perfectly balanced meals on every non-birthday all year round.” Bucky laughed after a short pouting. "Today is _my_ non-birthday." Steve reacted immediately: "May I hope for sex in Mad Hatter hats - nothing else, of course?" "It goes without saying, sweetheart"

At 2:00 pm Morgan's guests came little by little. Steve and Bucky had celebrated the morning of their little girl's birthday quite unspectacularly. She was allowed to wear a custom made crown all day if she wanted to. They had given her a 'summer kitchen' to match her play house in the garden, with all the equipment and lots of pots and kitchen utensils. The child was very interested in cooking and was often able to help her experienced father with it - according to her expected skills. They had played with her in it for a while. A hundred times spaghetti (beige shoelaces) were cooked and eaten, dozens of discarded and finely chopped towels they no longer liked, were washed and Bucky had had to have a lot of 'coffee' his daughter had provided him from the coffee machine he had designed himself with a clever double-walled jug.

The day was awesome and Bucky and Steve enjoyed their little (immense) happiness without limits. They often looked each other in the eye above their daughter's curly head and silently mouthed 'I love you' and other tenderness. Both were beaming with the child. On July 1st, 2034, in the garden of their small, cozy house, it was brighter than anywhere else in the States, no lie. Morgan - the child had sensed the day, and especially her, was something very special today - had got up at just before six and around twelve, after a light lunch of chicken strips breaded in sesame seeds and raw food, they could lay her down for a nap. The guests were not expected until two hours later.

Steve held back Bucky, who turned to the first floor. He unmistakably pulled his husband to their bedroom. "Take your clothes off, I'm getting the hats," he commanded in his "I-won't-accept-any-contradict" voice. Bucky laughed a little helplessly - he _was_ powerless with this voice ... After, Steve's head was resting on Bucky's chest, he painted sluggish little circles, spirals and squiggles on his back, Bucky whispered: "What luck have we had in life . I've got you, we've got each other and we've got Morgan. Life is wonderful. My life with you,by your side... I _love_ you.” “Oh, Bucky, baby, star of my eyes! I love you too. By the way, you've lost your hat first." Bucky giggled: "A feat for you when lying on your back not moving at all.” “Pff."

The first visitor, as always, was Loki. He had put together finger puppets and a charming mini puppet show for his little niece. He immediately gave her a funny play about an evil magician who turned birthday cakes into spinach. Her bright laugh and her indignant scolding filled the little garden. The arrival of her grandparents with Peter, whom she adored, snatched the girl from the performance. "Loki, that's an awesome gift. Steve will probably ask you for advice on exciting scenes.” Bucky grinned broadly at the brother-in-law, while his husband turned a little pink when he remembered the improv theater in Junior High. "Jerk." "I know I love you too, punk." Loki watched the exchange of verbal fondness with only mild interest and then asked his brother how he was getting on with his latest non-fiction book. Bucky felt superfluous and went to Morgan and the new arrivals.

For their granddaughter, Tony and Pepper had another extension to her playhouse - a garage with a workbench. One of her fathers, her grandfather and her youngest uncle were able to play with her in that very well. Peter had his own gift. He had developed a chemical transforming simple bathing water into a bubbly, shining, glittering sea of fluorescent streaks - completely harmless and ph-neutral, of course, as he quickly assured his brother-in-law during the demonstration in a mug. Bucky paused and then laughed, "Pete, how did you get the idea I might think you'd be giving Morgan something harmful to her health?" The seventeen-year-old turned a little pink. "Well, Bucky, you ... are very responsible paying close attention to these kinds of things." "What he is saying, boy, is," Tony interjected, "you oughta relax. No child in the world has died of a little bit of fun yet!” “Dad!” Peter cried a little tormented.

Bucky blinked a few times, digesting this statement. He finally went for: "A lot of people - including children - have died because of fun that has gotten out of hand." His father-in-law laughed at him: "And we've got Thor, the same definition of dangerous fun. Relax a little.” “I have the feeling there is a running gag at my expense right now." Pepper laughed: "You are the proverbial child of the love of Ivan the Terrible and Mother Theresa when it comes to assertiveness and care. Pretty tense. And I tell you as a mother of four: You need to relax a bit. Raising a child is not rocket science ... ”, she paused. "And since we're talking about it: Jim is there."

That gave a big hello. 'Uncle Jim' had an explanatory picture book for Morgan about space, stars and rockets, in which she immediately immersed herself. James Rhodes had been traveling to Asia for a few weeks and everyone wanted to know what he had experienced. Bucky's thoughts, however, revolved around the (quiet) allegations that he was too tense about raising children. Morgan was now working with Peter at the workbench in her new play garage. Under his skilled supervision, she hammered wooden sockets into some holes provided. Bucky's fingers itched to take the little wooden hammer from her, but he pulled himself together. He had heard enough ...

"Oh dear, what kind of face are you scrunching up?" Beaming he raised his head, only pure joy and sunshine in his even features. "Shuri!" They hugged tightly and then the 30-year-old took a step back, taking a closer look at him. "Gosh, you've gotten some meat onto your ribs at last. Married life is good for you! ”, She laughed cheekily at him. "Don't remind me of that," he replied bleakly. "I've had a breakfast of honey waffles and gummy bears, later there is a chocolate cake with 7000 calories per slice and tonight I'm having pizza, _and_ the good one with the filled crust." “Is this the reason for your glorious pout or has a soufflé fallen in? ”“ Wh-hat?” he called with a laugh. "Come on, a cooking accident does the same to you as a bad hair day. Well, not that, but almost!"

“Today everyone is really after me. I've just missed your blunt charm.” “What's happened? ", The future Queen of Wakanda looked worried immediately, old habit. "Oh, nothing, I'm thinking about it later. Let's go to Morgan.” The little girl was as sweet trusting as her uncle Peter had been. She was as lovingly cared for, carried to the ends of world as the now seventeen year old. She was very happy about the plush goat, she was particularly impressed by the little bell, which was modeled on those which the goats in Wakanda wore. She dragged the unknown woman behind her to bring the new 'zoo' animal to the considerable amount of her cuddly toys. When they got out again, Steve greeted Shuri warmly and inquired about the family at home. After a little small talk she smiled at him:

"I have to say, Steven: but you are doing great. T'Challa has been getting fatter since he's been a teacher. I've seen your huge bed upstairs. You are shameless. Your playground is bigger than some shepherds' hut in Wakanda.” Her bluntness has not shocked Steve for ages. He winked: "Then you know how I keep myself fit." She laughed out loud, while both strolled to the funny chatting circle around Morgan and Peter. Since all guests were now there, the birthday cake would be served. When Morgan asked for her third helping, Bucky bit his tongue. She was going to get a stomachache, sure as hell, the cake was as heavy as bricks, but he wouldn't give the spoil here again ...

The conversation at the table soon revolved around dozens of children's birthdays parties with just as many 'accidents' and surprises for them at the Stark's home. Bucky thought about the next day and got a little nervous. Then Shuri got involved in a conversation about technology and futurology with Tony Stark in which Peter and ultimately Bucky, pushing nervous thoughts aside, soon took part. Loki had Uncle Jim show him photos of his trip to Asia, during which he had also attended various theatrical performances, and Steve and his mother painted colorful pictures with Morgan with her new crayons. It was a nice afternoon.

The night after the pizza, Morgan fell into bed dead tired. Steve and Bucky said goodbye to their guests, only Shuri stayed, she would stay with them, Bucky and his best friend rarely saw each other. Steve, who had given up the morning run on the occasion of his daughter's birthday, now made up for it and went to the study when he returned. His husband and his best friend certainly had a lot to tell each other...

"I've got news," she announced solemnly. "Oh! Does your father want to abdicate? Are you going to be the queen now?” She shook her head. “My father is bursting with health. He doesn't even think about it. He also likes it when Maman's calling him 'my king'.” They giggled a little. "Then what is it?" "I'm getting married." Bucky dropped his jaw. He shook off his surprise and said, "This is coming suddenly and I don't even know M'Baku personally." The two men knew each other from occasional video chats between Shuri and Bucky. "I think this is very unfortunate and hope you will finally accept an invitation to Wakanda. I want to show you my home country and introduce my future husband. "

"When's the time?" "Next month." "Wha-at? And are you only telling me this now? I have a thousand things to do. After all, I'm your best man, right?” Her face grew serious and a little sad. "Bucky, there is no such tradition in Wakanda and I am heartbroken I have to deny you this." He looked at her silently for a while. "That's also the reason why I haven't said anything to you for a long time. I've known it would hurt you.” “Hurt?" He exclaimed in surprise, "No, I'm .. well, I admit, I'm disappointed. If you don't need me for this task, nobody will ever do so, that's all.” Shuri looked at him thoughtfully. She took a deep breath: "Why don't you have any friends?" Bucky laughed, but only briefly, her look and expression were as serious as her tone had been.

"Shuri ..." he whispered in agony. "I am sorry. Now I've offended you.” “I ... I don't want to talk about it, not today. Can you help me a little with the balloons and the decoration for tomorrow?” The young woman sighed secretly. She was very sorry Bucky's life was only about his work, his child and, well, _Steve_ \- probably most of all. But only he himself could change something ... "Let's get on with it! I remember your high school parties. You must have planned a lot!” “You know me.” “I'm sure you can still surprise me.” “You can bat your life on that."

*

The party for a gang of two-year-olds, which Bucky had planned for a long time, had a few surprises in store for him. His perfect food, for example, did not impress anyone. The cook hadn't come at all. No father except Marc - Holly was at shift at the hospital - had come and the mothers, all pencil-thin upper class ladies, ate like birds. At least they were mildly impressed by the royal visit from Wakanda, even if their idea of a future queen didn't match the young woman in cropped jeans and one of Bucky's old soccer jerseys. The kids were feared and shy like deer, except for Danny, who enthusiastically explored the garden and play equipment, while Bucky came to rest on his craft idea for the kids to get to know each other. The wild one didn't feel like it and the other children stuck to their mothers' laps.

So it was decided to only go to the official part with games and program when the kids were a little less tense from free play. Louise turned out to be one of those children who always had to rule and have every toy that someone else was using. The sensitive Leonard Elrond soon cried bitterly and Morgan 'scolded' Louise, who then shoved her across the chest. "Goofy Louise thall go home," the birthday girl suggested while Cole lingered behind Morgan like a shadow turning back and forth in embarrassment. Danny had entered the house, accompanied by his dad, but Marc really couldn't know the box with the cat toys was taboo for children. The annoyed hiss Alpine gave from her throne on the windowsill made the man a little nervous and he quickly pulled the reluctant boy out of the house. Now Danny was crying too.

A little desperate, Bucky suggested letting the little ones have something to eat first, and after that he had planned a hands-on story for reading aloud. For this there was a large costumes box and some percussion instruments. Maybe that would make the mood a little happier again. After eating, he threw half a dozen yeast dough mice with their heads bitten off to the garbage can in the kitchen, close to tears, while Shuri packed little tomato hedgehogs in Tupper containers. At least his mini quiches with spinach and cream cheese topping had been eaten well, as had the mini sausages, an addition to the menu from Steve's think tank. Bucky would never have thought of serving simple sausages at a party ...

Everyone had fun participating in the story. Bucky had put on costumes to the kids, Shuri had put make-up to them, and everyone had an instrument to be played on command. It went well until Danny rummaged through the costumes box and pulled out one of Bucky's most indecent undies. The box usually was in their walk-in closet and the naughty little thing must have got in there somehow. The panties were tiny, but clearly had a men's cut despite the sinfully deep purple color and the material made of extremely delicate lace. You could see that clearly, because women's underwear definitely never had such a sewn-on 'tunnel' for a certain part of the body ... Bucky turned as red as he hadn't been since high school, while Steve struggled to fight a laugh and Marc took the item of underwear quickly away from his son. Shuri held out her open hand, smiling sweetly, and carelessly stuffed the panties into her jeans pocket after the man gave it to her.

After the hands-on story, there were a few games with music and dance. All children won small prizes and were very happy. Then the kids played a little without instructions. Steve offered a couple of cocktails, very fruity with little alcohol. The ladies formed a lively chatting circle around him while Bucky and Marc had a beer talking about soccer after the architect asked him about the African woman's jersey, after all his name was on its back. Marc's mother was English and loved this sport – he was a bit biased. When Bucky heard one of the mothers - the money nobless lawyer - say: “Well, gay men have a knack for party decorating, I have to say. You've done a good job, Steve!", He called automatically: "I am gay, Steve is bisexual!"

It got pretty quiet after and everyone looked at him. And you could tell he was hating himself for saying this because the next - inevitable - thing that happened was that the playgroup moms who had been adoring Steve all afternoon anyway had looked even more interested now. .. Shuri, who showed the shy Leonard Elrond a stone-laying game from Wakanda on the floor next to them, looked up at Bucky, barely shook her head mouthing wordlessly: "You'll never learn." She was right. When he later on the way to the airport asked her what she'd meant, she laughingly told him Sharon had told her in detail about the Wilson wedding the year before.

(At the Wilson wedding, after midnight)

Most of the guests were now in their rooms. Fortunately, also Peggy and her husband Daniel. Bucky had talked to them for a long time and also danced with Peggy, but Steve has always felt preoccupied with her ... unlike Sharon. They were good friends, actually very good friends after their break-up, and the fact his ex married his best friend today made Steve truly happy - for the two of them. They were an awesome couple! And he thought he had mastered the best man job very well. For someone like Sam, the most down-to-earth and uncomplicated person Steve knew, it hadn't been particularly difficult either.

T'Challa and Nakia said goodbye early. Their son T'Chaiba was only three weeks old. The last few guests were some cousins of the bridal couple, the women all Sharon's bridesmaids, whose boss Peggy, their moral and feminist compass, so to speak, was no longer present, so there was finally a lot of flirting and harmless making-out. The three friends from high school sat down in comfortable armchairs in the back of the festival hall and Sharon took off her high-heeled shoes with a groan full of comfort, Sam and Steve looked at each other and took off their bow tie and tie. They had a couple of bottles of Budweiser on the table and toasted for the hundredth time.

"So have you gotten your husband to bed?" Sam asked. Steve giggled: "This is my easiest task ... I think he was a little disappointed I've undressed him with leaving after, but he was already fast asleep when I got to the door." The couple laughed.

"He's had a difficult day. My bridesmaid cousins, who threw themselves at the Best Man, are a tough bunch.” “It's his own fault,” Sam growled amused. That was true. Bucky was able to call the day as done when he'd revealed the stupidest thing he could have said to the question of one of the giggly girls: "So you are the gay couple?" He replied automatically: "I'm gay. Steve is bisexual.” It had been going around like wildfire and from then on Steve had been the hottest shit ... They laughed together again, all three of them were no longer sober - this was a wedding after all!

When Steve got to her hotel room at around 2:00 a.m., Bucky was extremely determined to show Steve who he belonged to, and the enthusiastic blow job that was supposed to convince his husband ended up with him hanging his head out of bed to throw up. Steve cleaned up, gave Bucky a peppermint and a bottle of water but nonetheless still knew exactly who he belonged to ...)

Bucky rolled his eyes. They said goodbye at the airport, where Shuri had him make the promise to think about coming to Wakanda next month.

When he canceled three weeks later (ELEVEN!) because he had too much going on at work, their friendship got a crack. They wouldn't notice until over a year later ...

In the evening, her fathers put Morgan to bed. She wanted to hear the hands-on story again. Unfortunately they had given the rhythm instruments, copies of the story and freshly printed pictures of the children in costumes at their parting as souvenirs. They improvised by impersonating the instruments themselves as best they could and the little girl laughed heartily at the funny noises and faces her fathers were making. "It's been a nice party, Babygirl?" Bucky asked "Cool party. Daddy ith nithe. And daddy ith nithe.” With that she wrapped a little arm around each of their necks and smacked a wet kiss on each mouth. Her parents were overjoyed.

When they went to sleep, Steve hugged his husband. "It _has_ been a nice party, Bucky. What have you expected from a group of two year olds? But everything went quite well. You are awesome at that. I love you.” “Thank you, baby. The parents of Morgan's friends are very nice ...?” This had sounded like a question. Steve, who could guess what was behind, answered truthfully: “I hardly know those people, we're only ever talking about the children. I actually like Marc and Holly. Let's have a playdate for the kids again.” Bucky grunted in agreement.

Then he nudged Steve against the chin with the tip of his nose. "Do you still love me if you have to eat yeast dough mice and tomato hedgehogs for three days?" Steve laughed softly, Bucky enjoyed the vibration in his chest under his cheek. "I'll always love you. Don't you know that, jerk?” “You can still say it over and over again.” “I do. Has Shuri taken your panties with her? If not, I would be happy with you wearing them again some time.” Bucky giggled. "You know I haven't got only one of them." Steve remembered. "But they are my dearest, bringing out your eyes so well." "Sure, _my eyes_ ..." They cuddled a little longer, wished each other a good night and soon fell asleep happily and contentedly.

***

Steve, who smiled at the memories with tears running down his cheeks, desperately wondered what had happened to their happy marriage, their perfect happiness in just one year's time ...

*

When he casually asked the same week at noon at Morgan's handover: “What do you have in mind for Morgan's birthday? It's not long uptil after all ... ", Bucky paused packing his messenger bag. "Well, I hope I can see her for a few hours? It's a Sunday after all.” “But how are youting get the idea, you…” Steve shook his head briefly. "Bucky. It's her birthday. Don't you think she'd like to spend it with the two of us?" He was playing with the lock of his bag, didn't look at Steve when he replied, "Probably. Any plans?” “I want to have a party. Thor could cocom up with some of his old tricks. I think she is now of the right age for pirate or universe themed birthdays."

Bucky took a deep breath: "I'm not ready for a family party." "But why not? Nobody will say anything, nobody will find anything in it! You're her father!” “I don't want to spoil your family's day. Me - a debris in a homely family atmosphere, the dark brooding ex putting on a radiant false smile for his daughter's sake. No, Steve I can't do that.” Steve was briefly speechless. The deep bitterness of Bucky's hit him right in the heart. "Do you see yourself like that ... The 'ex', ejected from his family?" "I really wish I could say something else, Steve. Honestly.” “Nobody wants you to feel that way! Everyone has told me you are not responding to any kind of approach and everyone is truly sad about this! And when you're calling yourself my 'ex', that means ... ”, Steve fell silent, he hadn't wanted to address this, maybe didn't want to hear the answer, but he had once again spoken faster than it was wise.

Bucky looked at him silently for some moments. "I don't know, Stevie, I just don't know. I might want to make it easier for all of us. Depending on what ... nobody should have to promise me anything, and later, when I have perhaps become a side note in all of your everyday life, feel bad about it.” “Side note?" Steve choked out. “It's how things like that go. Unfortunate, but it's life.” Steve shook his head, tears in his eyes. "Don't say this, Bucky. Don't think like that. Believe me, it won't be that way, I'm begging you!” “I'm sorry, Steve. Do what you want with the party, just give me some hours with her. I'll follow your schedule." There was nothing more to say ...

*

" _Hey brother! Bucky says he doesn't mind but doesn't want to participate though. I think she would enjoy a starry birthday with rockets and aliens. Do you have anything in stock for it?_ "

Thor read Steve's message and shook his head with a sigh. Steve was a wooden head - he really didn't understand much about communication and emotions. He rang his older brother:

"Hey, that's coming promptly, I only sent the message a quarter of an hour ago! What do you have in mind? "

"Steve, better leave it be." "What, why?" "Bucky doesn't want to be there? Has he told you why?" "Well, at first he seemed to agree when I asked him if he didn't think she'd like to spend her birthday with both of us. When I started about my idea with the party, he backed off. He wants to see her for some hours, he says, alone. So we're not having the party that long. Maybe in the morning with an interstellar buffet for ...” “ _Steve!_ " He stopped. Not only did Thor interrupt him, he also sounded kind of compliant and annoyed, like he was talking to a stupid kid ... _Oh_.

"Have you actually just listened to yourself? Isn't it obvious he probably would have spent this birthday alone with you and Morgan?" Steve bit his lip and admitted sheepishly: "Um, well, yes. Now that you're putting it... Can you send me a link to this seminar you did?” Thor laughed good-naturedly. "Both of you could use it quite well, I think. After all, Bucky has obviously not yet learned how clearly he has to talk to you. But I don't think he's reading my texts.” The latter sounded very sad - and in the same book Steve had heard from other family members ...

"B-but then everyone else can't be at Morgan's birthday!" "That won't kill anyone, you're going to see each other only three days later at the garden party. I can also send my space decoration there. I know it's your birthday but you can share this special day with your daughter, after all you have shared it with America all your life!” “Asshole!" Steve grinned. "It's going to be your first space birthday, brother!" "Alright then, do that. You're right, I don't want to hurt Bucky any more, and if Morgan'd rave to him in the afternoon about the family party with everyone, it would surely not make him happy him." "Exacto!" Thor's Spanish had become very good in recent years due to their proximity to Mexico ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I've made up for the pain a little with this. From now on things are getting better, promise. When there's anyone left who hasn't left me (lol), tell me. ;-)


	108. "I can't let go"

**"I can't let go"**

"It's best to go to the basement right away." "As you like, Bucky. Come in."

(…) He had been living in the crappy apartment above his workshop for two months now. The summer vacation was not far off. He still came every morning when Steve went to work to look after Morgan. He had noticed the hot water boiler's making strange noises. So when he left he asked Steve if he would be alright about him coming over on Saturday to check it out. "Only if it doesn't bother you too much. I haven't even noticed it sounds different than usual. I can also ask Dad.” “Don't be silly. I know the device much better than he does. I've built ... “, he fell silent. "You've built it in." "Yes, so ..." "Don't come too early.", Steve paused briefly, the corners of his mouth lifted amused for a moment, but since Bucky didn't respond to the punchline, the grin fell back together. "I usually let Morgan stay up late on Friday nights and we're sleeping in." Bucky frowned. He was actually strictly against irregularities in her bedtime, but refrained from commenting. (...)

"Would you like some coffee?" "I've already had some, thanks." Steve rolled his eyes. Bucky usually poured tons of it into himself while working, but seemed to want to keep his don't-bother-with-my-needs manners. It went so far he brought water and food and didn't take anything out of the fridge when he was with Morgan and didn't eat what he cooked for her from Steve's supplies. "You know where everything is, if you change your mind. I'm in the garden with Morgan.” “Is she provided with sun protection? It's hot today.” “Is it, Bucky? Firstly, I have a weather app on the phone myself, and secondly, I know I have to put it on when we go out. I haven't been doing the job here since yesterday. ”

Steve must have gotten up with the wrong leg first and Bucky, after an apologetic shrug, toddled of with his toolbox into the boiler room. He quickly found the mistake. Removing the defective part and re-soldering the circuit board was not a problem. Reinstalling the board and reconnecting all the connections was a bit tricky. He could use three or better four hands for it ... Less than an hour later, he still hadn't been able to adjust, hold and screw on the part by himself while he had the unscrewed water kettle balanced on one shoulder. It weighed a lot even when empty. He was sweating and urgently needed a glass of water. He had nothing with him. And besides, he would have to ask Steve to hold the kettle in place. Damn it.

"Steve!" He called from the kitchen door into the garden while drinking a glass of tap water. He didn't touch Steve's expensive French mineral water. "I'm in the living room." Bucky went there and stopped. Steve was on the floor playing a console game. And he was alone. "Where's Morgan?" "Dad and Peter've come over spontaneously taking her to Coney Island. I'm just enjoying the unexpected day off.” “Why haven't you told me? I wasn't able to say goodbye.” “You haven't said hello either, so I've thought ...” “Steve! You know I don't want to mess up with her weekly schedule. At least you could have asked me.” Steve looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Whenever I ask you something like this, I hear from you I oughta do what I think is right. Now I have done exactly this and you are not alright about it either." Bucky gnawed on his bottom lip a bit.

"I'm sorry. You're right, Steve. Can you help me in the basement? It won't be long.” Steve raised his eyebrows. "You need _my_ help? Aren't you afraid, with my mere presence, all the technical equipment within half a mile will give up with a sigh because I pick up a screwdriver?” He now was grinning widely. Bucky grinned back at the old joke between them and automatically said, “Screw wrench, Steve. I just need your muscles to my brain, you punk. I won't let you touch my tool. Who knows what ...” “Yes, unfortunately not, Bucky ... ", Steve interrupted him in a serious voice, his intense look silenced him and his grin died away. "Th-the kettle is very heavy and ..." "... and you need some additional muscle. Already understood, let's go."

It was cramped in the boiler room, and while Steve held the kettle in place and Bucky screwed the operator board on, they were closer than ever since Bucky had struggled wildly out of his husband's last desperate hug. Steve smelled so good of his sporty shower gel, his lemon shampoo, which he used to conjure up a little blond in his hair, which had become darker over the years. And he smelled a lot just like Steve. A smell Bucky would recognize from thousands and he was missing it painfully. Tears suddenly burned behind his eyelids and he was glad he worked with his back to Steve. But he knew him no less than Bucky knew Steve... He noticed the change in his breathing rate, the laboured swallowing and the tension in his shoulders.

He forced himself to breathe shallowly, closed his eyes, counting to ten inside. Bucky's hair, tied at the back of his head, tickled his chin with its wonderful smell of the aromatic black tea conditioner with which he dyed his brunette hair a little darker. And it smelled a lot like Bucky. He sighed suppressed what was misunderstood. "Right away, Steve ..." he murmured. "Only the six nuts left on the kettle." "Too bad ..." he exclaimed. Bucky took a deep breath, tightened the nuts, lowered the wrench and opened the tap to fill the kettle. "You can let go," he said shakily.

"I _can't_ let go, Bucky. I can't.” Steve's voice was sad but firm and he didn't let go of the kettle, so Bucky was caught between his arms, his body and the boiler. His collar was tight. He had become hotter a long time ago, because Steve radiated such an unnatural heat so he knew if he turned now, he would be crimson red in his face with tiny beads of sweat on his forehead – looking like the picture of having sex. Bucky swallowed. The fact his breath went faster was unmistakable and very, very inconvenient. He held his breath in a short while to hide it, but only had to breathe harder afterwards. Even though the water gurgled in the boiler's, Steve could be hearing it, no bet! A long minute passed, then another. It was absurd!

"Steve ..." he whispered. "M-hm?" "If I ask you to promise you won't ask me when I will be back home, would you do so?" "You want me to promise such a thing? Why?” “Because I don't trust myself and I don't know if I'm willing to do what I might want to do.” “You moron…” Steve whispered affectionately. "Hey!" "If you want to come home, just do it. You will only want it when you are ready, won't you?” “I don't know, Steve, it's complicated." Steve laughed softly, deep in his throat. It was a very sexy laugh. "Dramatic, sweetheart ..." "Actually your thing, isn't it?" "Is that so, Bucky?" Steve's lips running over his earlobe, his hot breath gave him goose bumps. "I promise you everything you want, baby ...", his mouth and his ticklish tingling beard went down, along Bucky's neck, he became soft like wax in summer when touched like this.

"On one condition." "Steve ..." Bucky protested weakly, "I don't think you have any right to set conditions ..." "Let me finish. I only want it if it will be the way it was before it all happened. I don't want angry sex. I don't want you to fuck out your anger and pain on me. You won't use me and crawl back to your lonely little apartment after to lick your wounds.” “I've told you, I don't know if ...” “I'm not done yet." Bucky closed his mouth with an audible pop. "If you want to make love to me now, come upstairs with me, but no matter how you're gonna decide after, it'll be about love making, not fucking. This is my condition.” Steve had stopped caressing Bucky, waiting breathlessly for his answer. "Stevie ...", his voice broke and he finally turned around, sinking to Steve and they kissed ...

After a quick, heated, hasty hand job in the shower to take away the most urgent tension, they made love slowly, lovingly, affectionately and intimately on their large bed. They treated each other as gently and carefully as if their bodies were as fragile as their fragile marriage. Their bedroom, which had seen many a wild night, was filled with sighed words of love, whispers of fondness and restrained moans. Both wanted to fully enjoy each second of it, to merge into each other, so they concentrated on each breath, every ever so soft sigh the lover gave. It was so intense and Steve hold back to come with an iron will as long Bucky was not ready - he was having a hard time letting himself go - they often took breaks to get Steve down a bit. They slowly rocked together to one of their more rare shared orgasms.

In the afterglow, they held each other as if they never wanted to let go. Steve bit the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from begging Bucky and, realizing this, he hid his face in Steve's neck to cry silently for a little while. "I'm sorry ..." he whispered choked. "I've promised, baby. I'm sticking to it.” Steve replied pressed. "Thanks ... not just for that." "Been a pleasure." "I know." "Bucky ...", he stiffened, but Steve stroked his back comfortingly. "No, baby, shh, I _am_ sticking to it. But now I've got a request, too: If I'm coming to you tonight, don't send me away."

Bucky took a shaky breath. He had done this several times in the past weeks, sending Steve away. "I want to talk to you. We've always talked, no matter how bad things got, you've never stopped talking to me and I ... " Steve swallowed, “I can't stand you not talking to me. No matter what you have to tell me, finally talk to me again!” , His voice had not grown louder but more passionate, more demanding and Bucky felt he could no longer refuse this to Steve. It was just not fair. "What about Morgan?" “I always lock her in the closet when I go out. Gosh, Bucky, I'm going to ask Peter to stay with her.” “I don't want you to drag the boy in there."

"Damn, he's your family too and you're his family. He loves you! Don't you think he likes to do that?" Bucky was silent for a moment, embarrassed, then: "Maybe you're right.” “I _am_ right. That you're always pretending you're something IVe picked up on the street. That's pretty annoying.” “Thank you very much." Bucky chuckled and Steve laughed softly. "So, 8pm? I also bring my food and a bottle of water. “, Steve couldn't help it. "Don't be stupid, you punk." "You jerk's started it." "Bring food for two, I'll take care of the drinks." Steve didn't say anything for a moment, then he pulled Bucky's head close and kissed him fondly on his temple. "Thank you..."

*

At eight on the dot Steve knocked on Bucky's door. He had Tex-Mex with him and a lot of hopes ...

Bucky opened the door instantly pulling him into a passionate kiss. Breathless, they broke apart. "That does not mean anything. Just … still afterglow, I guess.” “Yes, I know." They sat down at the small Formica table with the take-away dinner and Bucky added two bottles of Budweiser.

[Alpine would have raised her eyebrows at the sight if cats could do that, right up to the hairline cats didn't have. What was the _mountain of meat_ doing here? This place, as horrible as it was, with its tiny windows and no garden, belonged to her and her human. Here they were together, alone, just the two of them and that made the place quite bearable, as she thought. Yes, she had to lick his face dry every night, but he petted her so sweetly and spoke to her so sweetly. Just don't take him away from me again, _mountain of meat_ , or you'll get to know me! She disappeared into the bedroom with an annoyed meow.]

They spoke monosyllabic and a bit awkward about the food and about Morgan's day. Then Bucky asked, "And? Is it going well with her and Pete?” “Of course! The boy is a natural. He asked me in whether she would have to go to bed soon because he still wanted to play with her. Uncle Supreme, he is. "

"Steve, it's really better if she..." "Hold your breath, Bucky. Treat the two of them to their fun.” Bucky was silent and looked at Steve with narrowed eyes, frowning. "I mean ...," Steve went on, "you're really strict, never thought you were a strict father." "I've done reading a lot about parenting after we decided to adopt a child. Consistency and straightforwardness are...“ Steve interrupted him with a hearty laugh. "What?" Bucky called confused. "Baby, you sound like a guide book for young parents. As if neither of us had the best role models for good versus bad parenting. We just have to find the healthy middle ground, we'll get it done.” “We?” “I hope so. "

The folloing silence was loaded with tension. "Steve, Morgan is your baby. She's always loved you a lot more than me,” Bucky said sadly. "Bucky! That's not true! She's missing you! She's always looking for you on weekends. And keeps asking about you. That's why I've thought about her birthday again. We can give her the best birthday when doing it together, the three of us, don't you think so? There are enough parties for her to have, especially in July ... What do you think about going somewhere with her? Maybe to an observatory? We can have a pajama party in the tent after making stick bread. Just the three of us.” Bucky looked at him unfathomably for a few moments, then a shy smile lit up his beautiful features.

"Is she really missing me?" "Yes, Bucky! A lot! Morgan loves you no less than me. You are her space dad and if were in a tent outside the city you can set up your old telescope and show her the Andromeda galaxy. Forget about the observatory, you do it much better! You know, I haven't told you because I haven't wanted to use it to make you feel guilty. About her missing you so much, I mean..." "But I would have liked like to know, Stevie, really would have. You can believe me.” “Yes, I know. I'm so sorry. I had no idea you think she couldn't be attached to you."

Bucky looked away, closed his eyes for some moments. "But I meant it well, baby, I haven't wanted you to feel guilty. I mean, you actually have more than enough of it all yourself.” Bucky's head jerked back to Steve. "What do you mean?" "Oh, baby, it starts with apologizing when Morgan isn't eating her fish. Or when you only want to Netflix _without_ chill after a busy day in the workshop. Or when you haven't managed to put on a clean shirt for lunch. Why do you keep apologizing so much?"

Bucky thought for a moment, then: "I'm a mess – a disaster! My thoughts sometimes race around the strangest things! I don't know why that is ... but ... Oh god, Steve. Why has someone like you fallen in love with me the in first place? It's ever all the same with me. I can't have nice things because of being... _me_..” The suffering and self-contempt in Bucky's voice shook Steve. "Sweetheart ...", he resolutely strode around the small table, dropped to his knees and grabbed Bucky. He sank from the chair and nestled into the hug. "Come back to me ... baby." "Steve ... don't ... I am ... you've hurt me so much... I don't know anymore who I am or what I want ..."

Steve didn't let go of him - he only resisted very little, nonetheless. "Darling, how has this happened? What in hell has happened? Why do you think like this about yourself? I mean look at you! Who's been the lucky one here ? Do you realize how little I think, I'm good enough for ... ", Bucky interrupted him with a hoarse outcry: "She was here ... " Steve did not understand immediately, but then his eyes narrowed. "That damn bitch ..." he hissed. "When?" Bucky frowned briefly: "The day you told your parents." Steve swallowed hard. _Oh no._ He remembered ... The next day he went to Bucky and was sent away - no wonder!

"Do you have anything a bit more comfortable than these gruesome chairs?" Bucky stared at him. "It'll be a long conversation and I want to make it a little bit more comfortable for us." "There is only the bedroom. With my bed.” Bucky grunted out. "If that's okay with you? I'm behaving, too.” “Would be about the first time.” Bucky chuckled. "There is a first time for everything." Steve's voice was firm and quite angry. But Bucky knew he wasn't mad with him. "Come on ..." with that he took Steve's hand and their beer bottles and pulled him to the small bed in the tiny bedroom.

They got down leaning against the wall behind. "What did she want from you?" Steve got straight to the point. Bucky hesitated, but Steve looked at him firmly and stated, "Surely she won't tell me. Besides, I never want to see her again. I'm solving this on Monday, first thing in the morning." “Steve, what ...?” “Tell me. What did she want here?” Bucky took a deep breath sliding down the wall, his long legs hanging over the edge and Steve looked down at him. "I know, baby. It's hard for you and I'm sorry, so very sorry. But I just have to know what she said to you, what shook you, making you think I wouldn't love you anymore.” “How do you know …" Bucky bit his lip and fell silent. "Does it matter? I simply know. I always know what you're thinking.” Bucky swallowed and closed his eyes. In a forced voice he started to talk ...

(It had been two weeks since Bucky left the house. When Steve came home from school on Friday, there were one very large and two small travel bags with more of Bucky's stuff at the door. Steve closed his eyes in pain letting his shoulders slump. He would no longer plead, no longer ask Bucky to stay. He had done that every noon for two weeks. He had to give him time now, even if it almost killed him. Bucky, who had heard him come in, appeared in the hall and said formally: "Morgan's asleep. She ate quite well from the broccoli, but did not touch her fish. I'm sorry." "What have you done during the morning?" “We've been to the fountain and released paper boats. After she practiced her new art of counting to 23 by running around the fountain a number of times counting to 23, she was cranked up and totally exhausted after, maybe that's why she hasn't eaten well.” "I'll try again later."

Morgan has not been gaining as much as the table demanded, and Bucky almost gave way to despair about her bird-like helpings, as Steve knew. He took it much more calmly. "Tell me how much she's eaten, will you?" "Don't worry so much, Bucky. Toddlers often eat poorly. Dad says Loki in that age lived of air and carpet fluff and look at him now. He's taller than each of us!” Loki was six feet, two inches, almost as tall as Thor. "Well, it doesn't have to end her growing over our heads," Bucky replied playfully. After he looked a bit awkward, taking his travel bags. He wasn't looking at Steve when he said, "Well, I'm going now, don't forget Morgan's vitamins." "Bucky ...", he looked back to Steve with his hand on the door knob. He glanced at the white board in the hall Bucky had boldly written on: 'Vitamins!', Then back to him, who was grinning wryly. "I can't help it, sorry," and Steve knew he wasn't just referring to Morgan's vitamins. "I know, baby," he said softly.

"What are you doing on the weekend?" Steve grinned just as crookedly: "Definitely taking the vitamins." "You punk." "See yah on Monday, Bucky.", It took him so much effort to stay in place, not to cover the short and yet so long distance between them, to take his loved one in his arms, never to let go again ... He turned brusquely and went, almost ran, to the kitchen. The final sound of the closing door broke his heart again and he sank to the kitchen table, rested his head onto his crossed arms and sobbed bitterly. In the driveway, Bucky was behind the wheel of his beautiful blue Pick-Up also with his head on his crossed arms on the steering wheel. "Stevie ..." he whispered brokenly, then gave a jerk and started the car.

He only dropped the bags in the apartment when he arrived at the workshop after spending an hour in a traffic jam. He had to get to work straight away. He put on work clothes in the small changing room behind the hall and sighed eyeing the shitload of work ahead. Ricky was recovering from some minor surgery, Bucky had been alone all week. He hadn't been very focused and had urgent jobs to do before the weekend. When he tiredly climbed the stairs in the evening reading Steve's message (Morgan had eaten half of her helping of fish, after all), he stopped dead on the top step. Julia Walters was sitting cross legged in front of his apartment door!

"Mr Barnes ...", she got up gracefully after untangling her long legs in designer jeans. She was ten years younger than him and actually beautiful – as far as Bucky could tell. Bucky, tinkering and screwing and working for hours, felt like something the cat had dragged in. His hands were tainted with motor oil and he knew there were a few stains on his face too. His hair was messy and tied in a unruly bun and the mechanic suit was wrinkled and dirty. "What do you want here?" He asked flatly. "Don't you want to ask me in?" Bucky certainly didn't want to, but he was so puzzled he unlocked his door and motioned for her to step in first. The apartment looked even more shabby and neglected with her in it than it had in the morning. He hadn't cleaned up for days because he almost overslept each morning and usually didn't come back until ten in the evening.

Take-away boxes, donut boxes and coffee mugs were on the small table in the middle of the living room/kitchenette combination. Miss Walters looked around curiously and dismissively. For a long time her very satisfied look lingered on the travel bags. "I'm just going to wash my hands, sit down, please." He quickly cleared the table and pulled out a chair. "Thank you, Mr. Barnes.", She sat down on the edge and he went into the tiny bathroom, washed his hands and face looking at his reflection, shaking his head. _Throw her out_ , _Barnes_ he said silently to himself. But his curiosity won. Back in the living room he got a beer from the fridge, offered one to his 'guest' and poured her a glass of water when she declined. Then he got down on the chair across her and looked at her waiting. He would definitely not take the first step.

"I understand you must hate me, Mr. Barnes." "Why should I hate you, Julia? Because you feel the same for my husband as I do? I can hardly blame you, can I? It's surprising how much we have in common. I didn't even notice in the few minutes at the sports festival.” “I can imagine. You haven't noticed a lot lately.” Bucky frowned. "Listen, I don't see any point in this conversation. If you don't mind, I've had a hard day, please leave” “I see. One thing before: I've come to thank you. You've done a lot of work for me by leaving him.” “I haven't.” “Still, you're here and that's just the first step."

"Julia, if that's all, well, I've taken note of your _friendly_ thank you.", Bucky was calm on the outside, but he was boiling! That one got a nerve! "That's not all to it. The second thing I've wanted to tell you is: I want him and I will get him. I've never wanted anything so much in life and will not rest until I get what I want.“ “I am Steve's husband and we've got a daughter. This is not high school and you can stop snapping at me. I can't do the slightest bit for you and think your visit here to be outrageous to an extent. You are truly an ambitious bitch, Julia.” Bucky's calm was gone. She smiled at him falsely. "Well, this sounds more like what I've pictured you. A bit raw, a little rough and just like the auto mechanic you are with dirt under your fingernails and the cheap plastic table.” She flicked a perfectly manicured fingernail against the table top. "Besides, Steve no longer comes home to his husband, but to a babysitter, isn't it like that?"

"You cannot insult me." "And you can put away your poorly acted dignity again. You don't match Steve and you know it.” “You don't say. And you think you do so?” “Yes, I do. He's told me everything about the both of you. How long you two had been friends with before the proverbial penny finally fell. What big a role you have always played in his family and how little you mean to your own one. Now you compel him to live a miserable philistine life in that ridiculously small suburban home, how selfish you are.” Bucky went through a violent rage inside: their house, which he had transformed into a picture of modern living with his own hands!

He had always been so proud of what he had achieved at the age of 30: his own business, his own house and the man he loved by his side! And Steve was thinking the exact same way, wasn't he? She went on talking: “Let him finally lead the life he is meant for. In a decent home, luxury and prosperity around him. A generous and promising environment for his child.” _Morgan is my daughter too!_ he screamed inwardly, but got out no sound. “You know, I have no problem with this, coming from a wealthy family myself. How could you have let him sink to your level ... Nice Cinderella story you're embodying there, actually touching." Finally he found his voice again:" I don't believe you. Steve hasn't said all of this.”

Bucky had turned pale at her words and his grip on the beer bottle was so tight his knuckles were all white. "You don't know anything about Steve and what he thinks and feels anymore. You who have long been focused on other things. Why is he attracted to me? Maybe because I notice him? Listen to him and pay my attention? Ask yourself.” “You'd better leave my apartment now.” “Or? Are you going to threaten me, Bucky?” He shook his head. "I don't think you want Steve to know about your little friendly visit. So yes, I want to and can threaten you with this.” She laughed brightly.

“You've wanted so much to know what I have to tell you so you are only now showing me the door. Well, one more thing: you won't tell Steve about our little conversation among friends, we both do know this. And we both _do_ know why not. You are scared. Afraid he might start to wonder. Wondering what else he sees in you.” Bucky was now shaking with suppressed anger. "You are wrong. I just don't want him to despise himself for falling for a common bitch like you.”)

Steve stared at Bucky in horror. What a _bitch_. "Is that true?" He asked flatly. "What about it?" “You haven't told me, so I don't feel bad?” Bucky shrugged. "Guess so." "What a damn saint you are! Jesus! If I had known ...” “I am not … it wasn't the only reason." After a short pause Steve said sadly: "You believed her.", He sounded bitterly disappointed. "Steve ... I'm sorry ..." "No!" Steve cried out forcefully, Bucky made a startled jump.

"Stop apologizing! I am a goddamn idiot and have made a huge mistake I will never forgive myself for. Which doesn't matter as long as you can at some point. Some time ... ”, Steve's voice had flipped over, broke at the last word, he had to clear his throat. Bucky now understood he was mad with himself and despised himself, just like he had expected him to. "Did she leave with that?" Bucky hesitated. Steve groaned in agony. "God, what else did she say to you?" Bucky let out a shaky breath.

("One last thing ... you know what, Mr. Barnes? Steve is longing for a second child. And this time it will be his own. I've almost won." Bucky stared at her like at a ghost thinking: _she can't mean this ... she couldn't mean … NO!_ The apartment door closed behind her, and Bucky tossed his half-empty beer bottle after her, which crashed into the cheap metal of the door, and shards and beer rained down on the worn linoleum floor. The sour, bitter smell filled the small room immediately, _how fitting for the cheap auto mechanic I am_ , he thought.

Then he imagined when Steve might have told this woman all about him, about them both ... his wish for a second child ... hardly anyone knew about it ... _Come on, Barnes ... when do people tell each other stuff like this? After they've fucked ..._ 'Steve no longer comes home to his husband, but to a babysitter,' Julia Walter's voice fooled him again. He forced himself to stop thinking and after a long shower he went to a bar around the corner. He had never in life felt the need to get drunk so much. Maybe he should try to grab a quick impersonal fuck, too ...)


	109. "You know why you were born ..."

**"You know why you were born ..."**

"Bucky!" Steve sat up with a jerk. "I swear to you, I have not... we never have... oh God ..." "Why have you told her I'm against a second child?" “But I haven't! I don't understand how she ... my god ... I can't think straight anymore. How something like that could happen to me. Such a manipulative crazy smart bitch."

"You attract weird people. All the time there is someone knocking at my door because of you, making my life difficult” “Haha, all the time!" Steve sneered "...and as far as the matter is concerned with weird people I attract ... you can see on you , you weird thing." "Crazy, isn't it? But I've loved you when everyone else wasn't even a mere shadow on the horizon, never forget about that. I mean, you haven't always stopped traffic with your face and your terrific body.” “I do remember very well, Bucky, and I know you have always loved me. And I've never understood why...” Steve looked sad again.

Bucky didn't go into it and asked seriously, "Steven ... what have you told her about me?" “Only basics. Our friendship since childhood, us falling in love with in high school and living together during college. I've talked about our wedding, and Morgan, of course. She must have put it all together.“, Steve wondered again. "It couldn't have been all of it." "I've told her I developed feelings for her and that it frightened me and I am under no circumstances willing to have an affair until I understand what's going on and that I have hurt you in the past and very much regret it.” “Have you ... since..., I mean, have you ever again, since back then after Zemo ...” Bucky couldn't go on.

"Bucky ..." Steve dawned on something, "Baby, how long has it been bothering you? I haven't met anyone since, I swear to you. And apparently it would have hurt you very much, unlike before. Why haven't you said anything?” “I had no right to do so,” he said with difficulty, a muscle in his jaw twitching as he gritted his teeth. "What the ...?" Steve gasped. "How comes you ... Bucky!" He called excitedly. "You have every right to do so! Why do you think of this?” Bucky sighed resignedly. "I once promised you I would not restrict you, respect your needs and accept you as you are, with all the consequences. I had to accept you as you are, right? "

"Damn it, Bucky! You sound like a queer rights banner!” Bucky looked a little hurt, but then had to laugh a little. "The community would have been proud of me." "The community would have pushed your phrases down your throat if you didn't stand up for yourself and your wishes and needs!" “Anyway now. Steve, how much do you actually wish for a second child?” “No, not like this. Bucky, _not_ 'anyway now'. And as far as the other matter is concerned, this is not the right time to ...” "It is exactly the right time for me, Stevie, so give me an answer."

He gave in: "Very much, you know it. But I understand you are not ready for it. Your days are exhausting and we are happy with Morgan, the house is just the right size for three and I would never want you to feel pushed into something you don't really want.” “ _How much_ , Steve?" , Bucky went on insisting. Steve lost control. "Heaven and hell. Why are you doing this? Why are you always doing this?” He exclaimed, jumping up from the bed and pacing up and down the small room. Bucky followed his every edgy movement with his eyes, sitting up slowly, leaning against the wall again. "What am I doing, Steven?"

The man stopped in front of him and leaned down to look him in the eye. "You make yourself small. I hate when you're doing this. Although I have probably to be happy because if you wouldn't do so, you have known since long time I ... well, that I am not worth all of this. Never have been." “I don't know what you're talking about.” “Oh, damn it. Bucky Barnes, you are an idiot. You don't believe how much I would like to shake you right now ... But my desire to kiss you, to kiss away your last functioning brain cell, is just stronger, your luck." Steve held his hands against the wall left and right of Bucky's head. "Damn luck for you, jerk ...", Steve's breathing was accelerated, his eyes burned, bored into Bucky's. "Then why don't you?" He whispered hoarsely.

"I tell you: Because I won't let you get away now. This is too important and we will damned well clarify it this one time.” Bucky pushed out his lips, registered Steve's look at them and gave him one of his most dramatic eye battings. "Oh come on, one little kiss ..." Steve shook his head reproachfully and smiled: "You're so queer." With that, he caught Bucky on the wrong foot and his husband was puzzled. "What?" He gasped. "What the hell, Steven?" "I love you," Steve said very fondly, still shaking his head. Now Bucky looked a bit mad, the effect was pretty harmless as he was still pouting his lips. Steve giggled.

"Steven Howard Stark, you damn punk, stop laughing!" Bucky put both hands on his chest and pushed him away vigorously. "Would you like another beer too?" "No thanks, rather some water, please. I've had my carbohydrates intake for today," Steve replied regretfully. "But telling me I'm sooo queer ..." Bucky growled when he went out. He shouted over his shoulder: "I hope you haven't missed your waxing appointment in your Thursday free hour." "Don't be silly, baby!" Steve shouted amused and added suggestively: "You would have noticed this morning.” Bucky was already back, the apartment was tiny after all. He tossed him a bottle of water.

"You are impossible." "And as smooth as ironed silk wherever you particularly like it." His eyes glittered mischievously. "Steve! Stop it!” Bucky laughed and gave him a playful push in the chest. He caught his hand and put it on his cheek. "Can we talk about it, baby?" Bucky looked down. Steve kissed the palm of his hand, ran his lips to his pulse, and pressed his mouth firmly against it. "Please ... talk to me," he pleaded between two tiny kisses. Bucky closed his eyes and sighed ... Then he distracted: "Don't you have to free Peter soon?" Steve sighed heavily. "So no talking." Steve lowered Bucky's hand and his own head. Bucky didn't look at him.

"I can't. I'm sorry.” Steve nodded, his lips pressed together. "Alright, Bucky. I can't do anything about it.” “Steve ...” “I can't _lose_ you, baby, I _can't_! You are my life. You and Morgan, nothing else matters.“, He called passionately. Bucky with every fiber of his body yearned for the man in front of him with his head hanging, but he was paralyzed. "I have to find myself again, Stevie ... then I will be able to talk about it. At least I'll try.” “Do you promise me? At least the try?” Steve begged pleadingly. Bucky's paralysis fell away and he covered the short distance to take Steve in his arms, kissing him on the top of his head.

"I promise." Steve's small, suppressed, relieved sob tugged at him and he wished he could ... But then he gave a jerk. Steve had to go home to Morgan. Their wonderful daughter. Oh, how he missed her right now. "Send me a picture of Morgan sleeping, will you?" He whispered in Steve's hair. " _If_ shes sleeping," Steve grinned wryly. "Well, one of Pete's sleeping and one of the house Morgan has trashed?" Steve laughed. "Good night, Buck." Bucky pressed his lips briefly but gently onto his mouth. "Good night. I'll be there Monday morning, 7am sharp.” “Better you'll be. I have to be at school on time. See you."

[Alpine saw the _mountain of meat_ go with relief and great satisfaction. When her human went to bed and she curled up on his stomach, he petted her a little absently, not paying her the usual attention. A little slap with her paw - without claws - hopefully would warn him to behave better again, really. If he didn't have her! Didn't he know? Oops, have forgotten to pull in my claws ... Bucky pulled his hand back. "Ouch! If you are like that, you can go sleep in your cat bed, you little beast." Pardon? She put the front paws in his stomach, hunched and hopped off the bed, of course not without pushing off with her claws extended. Now he had it. Pfff.]

*

(Monday morning, the headmaster's office)

"Steven!" Dr Strange called in surprise. "What brings you to me this early?" The distinguished headmaster had hardly changed in the past 15 years. There was only a little more gray in his jet black hair, he was still tall and lean at 54 and was an attractive man. Steve knew Bucky had had a crush on him at high school and smiled inwardly. "May I ...?" Steve asked, pointing to one of the two visitor chairs. "Of course, sit down." Steve sat down and got straight to the point, as was his way.

"Doctor, I wish to be suspended from work, at least until Miss Walter's next career move is set." _Oh._ Dr Stephen Strange was still the almost invisible headmaster, but he knew exactly what was going on in his school. It hadn't been hidden from him that something had happened between Steven Stark and Julia Walters. And Steven Stark, who for him was now more than just a colleague, suffered, he knew this too. He often came just on time in the morning and was stressed, rushed and very unhappy. He cleared his throat.

"Now that you're addressing it. You have been Miss Walter's mentor so far. How do you rate her and her suitability for our institution? I know you may be biased, Steven, but I still trust your judgment.” Steve squirmed a little and blushed. "Stephen ... I'm not exactly the most suitable person for this question." "But I think you are." Strange looked at him intently. Steve felt like 16 years old again and blurted out: “She is a highly scheming, wrong person. But brilliant, with a lot of specialist knowledge, good methodology and didactics. Not for nothing one of the best in Harvard. Excellent teacher, terrible person.” Strange nodded thoughtfully. He had exactly the same picture of the young colleague.

"I think I won't consider her after her trainee time." "But Stephen! She is very popular and her classes are fantastic.” “You are a very fair and decent person, Steven." Steve was surprised and he knew nothing to reply. "You know, I'm considering giving up the position of headmaster on my 55th birthday and only acting in an advisory capacity after. I would also like to teach a little more myself for some more years.” “But Stephen! You are a wonderful headmaster! Who else could do it as well as you do?” Strange smiled softly.

_"You,_ Steven." At this Steve was speechless. When he caught himself again, he asked: "When is your birthday?" "In November." So in six months. "I'm only 33 then!" Steve blurted out. "Only three years younger than me when I started this job, Steven." "But ... I ... I like to teach, really! I can't imagine giving up my classes.” “That's exactly what I've expected to hear from you.” Doctor Strange smiled gently at Steve. “That's why I've decided to keep the advisory role. So there would be enough time to teach alongside your principal duties.” “It sounds like it is already determined, Stephen.” Steve whispered overwhelmed.

"If you want to. Sleep over it some night, talk to Mr Barnes.” Steve's gaze darkened and dropped. “When do you need my answer?” “Take your time. After summer is early enough.” “What about my wish regarding the suspension?" Steve came back to his original request. "I leave you on health reasons until the beginning of the new school year. With full salaries and ongoing health insurance for you, your husband and of course for your daughter.” Steve frowned in indignation, his sense of justice overpowered him.

"It's not legal! This is not possible and I can not accept it just because ... “, he fell silent embarrassed. This sentence went on in his head: _I lost my head and almost destroyed my life._ He turned bright red. Stephen gave him a moment to catch himself. "Get your head clear, and get your mind and your life under control, Steven. Take the time for your family, for ... _Bucky_.” Steve's head snapped up. He swallowed hard. "Steven ... people do make mistakes. You'll fix this, the two of you, I'm sure. I honestly expect you so. I would like to run this school with you from December. Don't let me down.” He smiled broadly now.

Steve blinked a few times, feeling his eyes were too wet. "I don't know what to say, Doctor." "Wish me a nice summer, we'll only see each other again at the end of it." Steve's sense of duty came up again: "What about Miss Walters?" “Is this actually concerning you, Steven?” “For purely professional reasons.” “I'll assign her to Mrs Hudson. until her thesis. After that, with her excellent grades and skills, she will be able to find employment at any school in this country but at this one.” Steve nodded weakly to his boss and wished him a nice summer lamely. He hoped at some point he could tell him how grateful he was. But that wasn't necessary. Dr Stephen Strange knew it.

*

When he got home, the living room was darkened and a fabulous BARF technology starry sky was thrown onto the ceiling. Funny music from a film with fairies and unicorns resounded from the loudspeakers in the ceiling and in the middle of the room a sofa pillow fortress was built. Steve smiled and went on all fours after he could make out an entrance. "Hey, you two!" "Daddy!" "Steve! What are you doing here?” Steve lovingly hugged his daughter, who had jumped at him, and looked at Bucky over her curls.

"You're doing awesome when I'm not there." Bucky smiled and shrugged. "Her Majesty, Queen of the Fairyland Aralania, Morgan, the First, is preparing for a ball and her faithful lackey, which is me, is trying to do her hair. But no pin is sticking.” Steve looked at Morgan. Her wild curly hair stood out in all directions. She was adorable. "Would Your Majesty like to have second breakfast? We've still got some melon. “, He asked her seriously. "Yes, melon, Daddy!"

"Steve! Why are you back this early? Has the school burned down?” Bucky called. "Come on, let's have melon with Her Highness. I'm telling you.” When all three were out of the 'Fort', Steve looked around again admiringly and then at Bucky. "You can handle this as well as Dad! It looks fantastic.” “Any wishes for exciting breakfast surroundings? I would have a Parisian street cafe, but that would probably be too boring for Morgan. How about the jungle?” Bucky asked. _How about you love me like you used to and come back to me?_ Steve thought, but didn't say it.

"Jungle sounds awesome!" Bucky picked up the StarkPad saying, while his fingers were scurrying across the surface, "Cut the melon, this won't take long." "I know, baby. You are incredible. “, Steve couldn´t resist. Bucky gave him a strange glance before he went back to the software.

Steve sighed suppressed going to the kitchen with Morgan on his hip, to cut some melon. When they came back with the fruit, their living room was transformed into a tropical jungle. Morgan shouted for joy and fidgeted, wanting to get off Steve's arm. He put her down and sat on the couch that looked like a grass hill with Bucky. "Incredible," he said to him. Bucky smirked:

“You know, it sometimes looks to me like I am a time traveler and could impress you, a person from the distant past, with my knowledge of progress and technology. You grew up with Stark Industries technology, honestly now, Steve. Have I to be worried? Will my Stone Age man treat me like a god or sacrifice me to his archaic gods, Stevie?” “Guess!” “Daddy, melon!" Morgan interrupted, climbing onto Bucky's lap and reaching for the fruit bites on the plate in Steve's lap."Nah, sweetie, say it nicely and you know the rules: not with your hand! You haven't washed them.” Morgan pouted a little, but obeyed: “Daddy, can I have melon, please?” Bucky pressed a blunt fork into her clumsy fingers. "You're a fantastic dad!" Steve stated in an awe. Bucky snorted: "Pff, ask our daughter about this." Steve laughed.

"I have to tell you something." "Yeah, why are you coming back this early?" "Doctor Strange offered me a promotion." "Doctor Strange ..., Is he still looking that good?" Steve punched Bucky on the upper arm. "You saw him at the sports festival! You know he's still looking as good as he used to. Don't disappear to the bathroom now to ... well, you know.” Bucky smiled mischievously. "Some school boy fantasy, you never forget, as you know, Stevie." “Dude, not exactly your best poem." "Well ... I've been a little absent-minded. What's that with the promotion?” “I've thought you'd never ask while thinking of Dr Strange” Steve pouted. "I'm only a weak mind to my body," Bucky grinned. "He wants to make me the headmaster," Steve dropped the bomb.

Bucky stared at him in amazement. " _What?_ " "You've heard right. Headmaster. I'm also on health leave up to September. That's why I'm back early.” “What?" Bucky asked again, still no less confused. "Why on leave?" "I've asked for it." Bucky was still staring at him while Morgan on his lap had put the fork down and tucked the melon pieces into her mouth without. He didn't notice. "Actually, I've wanted a suspension." "Have you gone insane? Your salary, our health insurance!” Bucky stammered, pale like a ghost. "I've told you I never want to see her again." Morgan had enough melon and wanted to explore the 'jungle' again. Bucky put her down, still looking at Steve. "But ...our health insurance ..." he blurted out desperately.

"Bucky. You're a crazy, lovable, unique idiot sometimes.” Steve shook his head. Bucky frowned. "There are 50 million in my account. You know it. Dad didn't want us to enjoy our inheritance on his...well, you know.” When Bucky still didn't say anything, he went on again: "I know. You don't want us to touch any of the money. You wanted the small house instead of the more expensive larger one, you didn't want a housekeeper and you didn't want us to buy equipment for your shop from it. Your stubbornness is almost as huge as your sex appeal.” Bucky swallowed hard.

"Steve ... it's never mattered to me how rich your family is. How rich _you_ are.” “I _know_! I've _always_ known! But we don't have to pretend I'm not rich all of our lives. God knows you've proven yourself enough. Let's finally hire this darn housekeeper. I know how annoyed you are about me never able to provide edible meals.” That was true, no Stark could cook. Not even Peter, who loved it, but failed miserably every time. Cooking was probably their family's kryptonite ... Bucky thoughtfully chewed on his lower lip. "But you love our little house," he said defiantly. "Of course! I would even love a trailer park mobile home if I were only to have you and Morgan. Aren't you aware?” “God, Steve ...” Bucky only managed to get out.

They both looked for their daughter, who was attacking a virtual giant lizard with infernal roars. "I love you, Bucky, more than anything. Yes, don't look this skeptical, even a tiny bit more than her.“, He nodded to Morgan. "You know ...", he continued, "... she'll leave me ... one day, while - if I'm lucky, _damn_ lucky by the way – you will stay with. You remember? _'til the end of the line._ Come back to me, baby, please, come back to me. Come back home. I can't promise I will never hurt you again. But I can promise I will always love you. Always love you. More than everything.” Bucky's eyes watered. "Stevie ..." he whispered choked. He took him in his arms. "Come back home, baby. Please.” Bucky searched for his lips, found them and kissed him intimately and long.

"I'm a terrible person, Steve," he whispered almost inaudible against his lips. "Why are you saying so? You are a _good_ person!“ , Steve replied just as quietly, but with a lot of emphasis. Bucky turned up the volume in the software. Jungle noises filled the room and would make their quiet conversation inaudible to Morgan. The smart little girl shouldn't catch up a word not suitable for her. "I haven't said I was a _bad_ person. I'm a _terrible_ person, that's something else.” “I'm afraid you have to explain this to me.” “I would always help someone in need and always take an injured animal to the vet. Or the fact what I'm doing for the kids in Brooklyn who live on welfare, repair their bicycles and scooters for free. And I rather forego my salary in low-turnover months than put Ricky on short-time work. All of this makes me a good person for sure.”

He took a deep breath: "Now the other side: My own parents don't like me. I am in my mid-30s and I've got only one friend, Shuri, who's living on the other side of the planet and I've disappointed her very much over and over again. The only time she asked me for something, I refused to do so for selfish reasons.” “I remember: That was exactly when this price-dumping guy with his hip shop was around your corner making life difficult for you. There was a lot at stake and after all you have a lot of responsibility with your own business.” “Steve, I could have gone to Wakanda for a few days, don't you think so?” “Why didn't you do so then?" He sighed : "I'd always thought I could be Best Man when Shuri got married. Would have been something: Best Man of a Queen! Everyone would have thought that in the end I would have imagined the importance of my friendship to Her Highness when she didn't want me for the job after all... "

"But you said in Wakanda. .." Bucky interrupted him: " _And_ I thought if it were important to her, she could still hold a ceremony in New York or Washington and let me be her best man. I was mad at her because I was childish and in love with myself. And that's why I let her down. I am a terrible friend and a terrible person. No one except her was ever truly _my_ friend. Nobody except her ever bothered with me without being either related to you or your friend.” “Don't forget about Ricky.” “Ricky _is_ my friend, yes. But he is also my employee and believe me, he can get along quite well without me, he has a bunch of very good friends, him and Elaine. Ultimately, everyone would get along fine without me.” “Except for me,” Steve said seriously, deep sadness resonating in his voice. Bucky lowered his eyes and whispered hollowly, "Maybe I've thought it would be best if you learned."

"Why do you think like that?" "I told Ricky the morning after that horrible night, 'I'm finally the one I should have been for years. I thought I was fine. Finally grown up, the best I can be. Then of all times I had to hear from you, you no longer want the person I became. I wasn't the one you fell in love with anymore. The best of me was still not good enough for you and that's why I wanted to...", he struggled, his voice would break at any moment, his eyes were swimming in tears and his lower lip trembled, "...get you rid of me. You deserve better, Stevie, and you ought to have all of it. I love you more than my own life, I've always done so, you know this.” His tears fell now. He furtively looked around for Morgan, who was crouched under a projected bush scribbling a picture.

Steve reached for Bucky's hand, squeezing softly but firmly the same. "Bucky, I don't want to hurt you, not again, but can you imagine looking for help, _professional_ help?" He asked attentively. "I don't know anyone else who dislikes themself as much as you. It can't go on like this." "Ach," he sighed stretched, "You know, Stevie, I've done something else over the past months than brooding and wallowing in my self-pity. Insurance policy therapists who work for the ridiculous fee insurance companies are willing to pay are fully booked for months, even years, and are terribly overworked. I have contacted some private therapists. I can't afford therapy.” Steve stared at him for a long time.

"You have ... wanted to...?" "Yes, Stevie. I've realized something is wrong with me. I want and need to find out what it is. I am a father and I have to stay healthy and sane for a few more years. For her. And I also want it _for_ her.” “Do you still want it for me, too?” Steve whispered anxiously.

"I've applied for a government-funded therapy program and hope to get a place before it's too late." “Why too late?” “Before I break or a switch flips and something bad happens. Maybe before Morgan gets older and realizes what kind of a damaged person her father is.” “Bucky ...” “Yes, Steve! I've been thinking some very strange stuff with too much time alone in my head when I do routine work and can let my thoughts wander.” Steve looked at him scared: "Like what for example? "

"For example, that maybe it would have been best if I had become hospital waste instead of being born, along with all the other unwanted babies." Steve buried his face in his big hands. When he looked up a while later, his eyes were red and his mouth was painfully twisted. "I told you a long time ago what I've had to repeat more often, it seems. I do so now: 'You were born so I can have you, Bucky'” “ _Have_ me…” “So I can _love_ you! Let me do something for you _once_ , give you something back. Let me pay a good therapist for you, I'm begging you. Do it for ... me."

Of course Steve could have said "for Morgan" to get him at his father's responsibilities. That he was more honest than that was one of the reasons Bucky loved him so much ... "S-steve ..." he sobbed softly, "Please excuse me, Morgan doesn't have to see this ..." He hurried out of the room while Steve called the child over to distract her from the disturbing sight of her distraught father, at this point a snot and water sobbing mess. When Bucky came back some minutes later with his face washed and got down next to Steve again, Morgan was happily chattering and giggling with her cuddly toys. One of her most loved ones hunted down lizards bloodthirstily and apparently very hungry – Shuri's gift goat, she was apparently a fierce predator, probably because she was from Africa.

Steve looked him in the eye and took his hand: "Baby, come back to me. We can work on it, on ourselves, on you and on me. On us. Come home.” Sadly, Bucky shook his head. "Forgive me, but ... I can't. First I have to sort … me out, I guess." Steve nodded, looked in his lap to collect himself. "Can you think about therapy? Will you?“ “I'll do this, Steve." He took a deep breath, “I'm accepting your offer and do this therapy." Steve didn't show his surprise. It was the first time Bucky accepted something of this dimension from him ...


	110. Déja-vu: "Don't ask me that now ..."

**Déja-vu: "Don't ask me that now ..."**

On the morning of July 1, 2035, Bucky entered his former home at about eight in the morning. The birthday girl was apparently still asleep, it was never so quiet in the house when Morgan was awake. Had to be late again yesterday. Bucky sighed suppressed. Steve was too compliant with her! He went to the kitchen with his large bag of groceries and sighed again. What a chaos! What had Steve been doing? He was startled when he heard him cry out behind him: "Oh no! I should have known, right?” Bucky whirled around to him. Untidy hair, still in sleeping clothes and a very contrite expression was the sight presented to him. He had to suppress a third sigh ...

"What is it? What should you've known? And tell me, was there a war here?” Steve had to laugh. "Quite about something like that. We tried making ice cream ourselves.” He raised a shoulder. "Do I have to repeat how much Morgan's missing you? She's had to eat what I've been preparing for weeks ...” Steve was startled by his own words and looked even more contrite when he looked at Bucky realizing how much he was hurting him with that. "I'm sorry, I haven't wanted to ..." Bucky interrupted him quickly: "And? Did you manage? The ice cream?” “Are you kidding? We are Starks! The slivery mud just didn't want to get creamy. We then shared a helping by sipping it out of a mug through straws. Was tasting rather sugary, but didn't have much else in common with ice cream.” Bucky laughed.

"What have you brought with you?" Bucky turned to the bag to unpack its ingredients: "All what is needed there for a breakfast of honey waffles, protein omelet and chia seed - fruit smoothies." " _That's_ what I should have known: you are a gift from heaven ...” Steve moaned playfully melodramatical. Likewise acting the melodramatic, Bucky threw his hands skyward. "I knew only thing missing without me is my cooking." Steve's facial features collapsed and Bucky was startled - he didn't want that ... "Bucky ..." "Steve! Stop it, that was only a joke. I know that's not true. Today is her birthday. Let's do this as normally as possible, can we?” Steve caught himself, nodding bravely. "Thanks for telling me you know that." Bucky looked down and shrugged his shoulders apologetically. Then he went on unpacking, getting the kitchen clear in the process.

There was a new drawing on the fridge. It hadn't been there two days ago. The for a three-year-old talented hand-drawn picture was of a starry sky, a tent and a group of three people: two large one and one small one, the latter with wildly scribbled hair - very appropriate, as Bucky thought. "She draws very well for her age, doesn't she?" Steve stepped next to him and nodded. "She worked on it all afternoon and talked about nothing but star gazing with Daddy all day." "That was a wonderful idea of yours." "I'm happy with it myself." They looked at each other a few moments before Steve took a deep breath. A warning expression came to Bucky's eyes and Steve closed his mouth again, audibly with a pop. "I'll start with breakfast." "Yes, well! Do you want to have the drawing?” “Thank you very much!” Steve almost flew out of the kitchen. There was a hell of a day ahead of him, he told himself.

Bucky had returned to his withdrawn self after the day with the boiler repair and since Steve's health leave, he hasn't come every day - after all, Steve didn't need a babysitter now. He knew very little about the life Bucky was leading recently. Only the reputable therapist's bills, to which he went twice a week, gave him some insight. He visited Morgan three to four times a week, or picked her up for trips or walks, or to let sink ships in the fountain, but he and Steve only exchanged more than small talks about their little one, the intimacy of a few weeks earlier felt a thousand years in the past ... had Steve actually lost him? His life was full of thoughts of Bucky and the bleak future without him ahead. He didn't succeed in the slightest in living in the here and now, which he had claimed what felt like ages ago.

Soon the ground floor was filled with the delicious smell of a formidable breakfast. Morgan came down the stairs jumping up and down with excitement. "Is daddy there?" "Good morning, princess! Happy birthday to ... " The little girl insisted on her request: "Is Daddy there?" Steve laughed and tousled through her wild mop of dark curls. The door to the kitchen opened and Bucky crouched down, arms wide, a beam like the morning sun on his face. He let his daughter playfully knock him down when she jumped into his arms and her bright giggle became a deafening hysterical screech when her father tickled her. A few minutes later, when everyone had calmed down, the three of them set the table, Bucky got flowers and an auspicious colorful parcel from his car. Morgan was very excited. Steve also got his present from the top shelf in the closet.

They had thoroughly negotiated this years birthday presents, Steve took his younger brother's words very seriously and initiated Bucky into all plans regarding Morgan. So Steve gave her a pop-up pool (“Seriously, Stevie, are you long last getting your way with that darn pool?" Bucky had laughed good-naturedly, "You are cleaning it up, am I clear?" "Or I can hire a caretaker service!" Steve laughed back. "You're some punk."). Bucky got Morgan, the little space fan, a cool water blaster with a strap-on tank in a - a rarity from 2020 - Buzz-Lightyear design. The pool was decorated with planets and comets. The girl cheered and wanted to try everything right away but her (rules-making) daddy insisted on having breakfast first. Before this, however, he quickly gave the command to heat up tank 3 in the garden a little bit into their smart house software.

For the water fight after breakfast, everyone changed and Bucky attentively applied sunscreen to his daughter and himself, while Steve, who never got sunburned, built and filled the pool. The freckles he'd feared so badly at the age of 16 hadn't given him a headache for a long time ... Loud, happy children's laughter and wild howls of attacks and "I surrender!" - shouts in the deep baritone of the two men filled the garden behind their house for a few golden hours. Their little girl's third birthday has been perfect so far! After some light lunch, Bucky sent Morgan to bed for a nap without going into her protest. Steve could only be amazed at how quickly she complied after Bucky had seriously told her that if she didn't get a little sleep now she would be too tired for the stars later at night. At the beginning of July it got dark very late ...

Around 6 pm they set off, finally they had to go a good distance from the metropolitan New York area for a starry sky worthy of a birthday girl. Near their destination, they wanted to take pizza with them from somewhere. Their family tent, sleeping bags, firewood, snacks and drinks were already stowed in Bucky's Pick-Up. He had used Morgan's nap for that. The fact he was heading for Swinging Bridge Reservoir gave Steve a lot to think about on their way - there was probably no more significant place in the world for both of them, but he couldn't make up his mind about it in earnest. When traveling by car this long, Morgan was quickly bored and Steve unceremoniously sat down with her in the rear to play some easy light road trip games. When they arrived at their old camping site, they first spread out a picnic blanket to enjoy the pizza while it was still warm. After dinner, Bucky played a custom variation of boules with Morgan on the beach - they rolled tennis balls into small, self-made hollows, from ever further distances. Steve set up the camping equipment. Then they changed and Bucky set up the telescope.

Morgan quickly left her daddy to watch her other father. The telescope Bucky had owned since childhood was quite large for a portable one when assembled - and pretty good. It promised to be a starry night and they would be able to see a lot, even though it was summer! In his senior year, Bucky had 'upgraded' his telescope as a project work for IT and technology and equipped it with a 'sky navigator' and automatic orbit follow-up, making it controllable with the StarkPhone. He had earned a young talent award for his work back then. His sister-in-law, Jane (space girl), hadn't let him into the Astro Club though ... Then they waited for the night to fall while passing the time with little quiz games, It took some time to get finally dark. The little private astronomy lesson Bucky gave his daughter made Steve's heart melt. He did this so well! And Morgan's brightly shining eyes told him she was exactly the same opinion. He took dozens of pictures of the two most important people in his life …

Around midnight, Morgan almost yawned more than anything else and her dropping eyes were telling. Bucky took her to the wash cabin, showered her, examined her teeth brushing, combed and braided her hair. In her worn-out NASA pajamas, they put the girl in her sleeping bag and she was already fast asleep when Steve suggested reading some bedtime story. "You want me to give you some light out there so you can dismantle the telescope?" Steve whispered. "Doing it tomorrow. Are we going out again a bit? I saw you've let some wine down the well.” Steve nodded. He was happy with the idea. He would ask Bucky what had been on his mind for hours ... Before he came to it, however, he accidentally made him laugh.

"Don't you actually want to dismantle the telescope?" He asked as he poured them wine. "Why do you ask? You think I have to?” “Yeah, I mean, it's a sensitive device after all and maybe morning dew will harm it.” Bucky looked at him for nearly a minute. The well-known muscle-twitching in his jawline made Steve realize he was suppressing a laugh. "What? You've always told me not to leave a technical device outside overnight because of condensation!” He defended himself. Bucky pressed his fingertips to his mouth now, his shoulders shaking treacherously. "Bucky Barnes! Stop laughing at me. In this spot I threatened to throw you into the lake before."

Bucky chuckled. "I liked the equivalent cruel alternative better." "You can have this, if you want to." "Get me some more wine, punk." Steve hadn't expected his husband to respond to the remark anyway and handed him his glass, hardly disappointed. "Stevie, that over there," he pointed with his thumb to the telescope, "is a telescope." "Yes?" "They are made for being outdoors at night and therefore protected against condensation." Steve dropped his lower jaw and he felt heat crawl up his face. Man alive, was he stupid sometimes? Bucky laughed at his annoyed-funny expression. "Stop it …" "Morgan's thought her birthday was awesome, hasn't she?"

"Yes! I too think it was fantastic, we've handled it well,, hence the circumstances ... “, he fell silent. Bucky didn't go into that either. "She's understood everything I've explained to her." "Me too!" Steve chuckled. "Explained for three-year-old, you even had a chance, Stevie!" "Do you think she wants to be an astronaut?" "Heaven forbid, this would scare the shit outa me!" Steve knew that Bucky as a child would have loved nothing but being an astronaut, but , when he got older, did not feel up to the realities of the dangers in this professional field. "But we would also be so proud of her." "I don't see a scenario in which I would not be proud of her." "What do you want most for her in life?" "That she feels loved, that she feels accepted and that she is happy.“, he answered quick as a shot. "You're right, that's the most important thing." They were silent for a while.

Steve pondered how to broach the subject burning under his fingernails. Bucky looked over the water sipping from his wine. "You're thinking pretty loud, Steve." He was startled. "Why have you chosen this out of all places to come to tonight?" He blurted out. Bucky sighed deeply and stretched. "Oh, Stevie ..." Then he held out his hand, palm up. "Give me your phone." "Wha- ...? _Why_?” “I'm setting up the baby monitor. We're right at the water, our conversation will be carried by it. I don't want Morgan to catch up something that isn't meant for her ears if she's waking up. We go have a talk in the car. I just want to make sure we get it _when_ she wakes up.” Steve looked at him, confused and somewhat anxious, and gave him his phone.

They took the wine, put Steve's phone (baby monitor) in the tent, and got in the car. Bucky didn't actually want to talk about it but thought it best to get done with it: "Steve, unfortunately I have to take from you whatever hopes you have made up with this. I'm so sorry. I chose this place because I know how well it is suitable for stargazing this time of the year and at the same time not too far from New York. Otherwise there is no reason. It's Morgan's birthday and I came for this, getting involved with you for this day and I haven't regretted it for a second – til now. But I haven't come because of you and not for you. And I haven't chosen this place because ... Well, maybe that was a little insensitive. Like I've said, I'm so sorry.” Steve had listened to him breathlessly, gnawing fear paralyzed him.

When Bucky stopped talking for a while, he took heart and asked anxiously: "Have you made your mind up to finish us off?" He heard Bucky swallow hard. "N-no ... But I, well, I ..." His voice broke, "You have no idea how severely you've hurt me." Steve took a shaky breath: "N-no, me ... Are you telling me?” “I can not imagine this is a successful conclusion to a perfect birthday.” “It is not mine anyway and...” “God Steve! It's Morgan's! The perfect third birthday of our daughter! Why have you had to ... why have you had to go with this?“, Bucky was crying now. Steve hated himself. Hated nothing in the world more than himself.

"Bucky, I'm an idiot. Maybe you'd better move back to our house to be with Morgan and I'll find an apartment ... ” Bucky laughed without a trace of humor. "Steve, I can't afford the house alone." "But ... Morgan does live there and she's _our_ daughter, of course I will go on to pay half of the cost!" Bucky hasn't done so since he'd moved out. He only transferred Steve half of a third of the current expenses, half of Morgan's share so-to-speak. "When I look at the weekly invoice for my therapy that I am sending you, I'm bad enough already, thank you very much." "How's it going for you with therapy? Does it good for you?"

Bucky let his head drop into his hands in frustration. "Steve ..." he pressed out with difficulty. "Do you ever listen to yourself? At least sometimes? Therapy is a _pain_ in the ass! It is a terrible agony for quite a while before it's helping you. Aren't you aware of this?” Steve swallowed. He had the feeling no matter what he said, it only made things worse ... Why was he so bad at things like this? _Shit._ Has he always been like this? _Yes ..._ a little voice fooled him, _you've always been like that. Only he loved you before and could forgive you. But now? Yes, now he doesn't do so anymore._ His violent outcry at the realization made Bucky jump.

Steve let out a suppressed howl, his clenched fists pressed into his eyes, overflowing with hot tears. He cried like a small child, bitterly, with a lot of snot and tears, his large, massive body shook convulsively, he stamped his feet, rocked desperately back and forth, couldn't stop ... Bucky couldn't stand it for long. He had never seen him like this in his life. "Steve!" He called out, trying to get through to him, tugging at his shirt a little helplessly. He threw himself against Bucky's chest with all his weight, desperately clinging to his sweater, pulling, tugging, and never, ever stopped sobbing wildly. The sound of the tearing hem of the sweater's neckline was drowned out effortlessly.

Bucky had begun to caress him, with long, warm, comforting strokes across his broad back, his powerful shoulders, sometimes over his head. He murmured incoherent snippets of sentences. For a moment he wondered how different they were. If their roles had been reversed, if it was Bucky, who would have been clinging to Steve in this state for so long, Steve would no longer be knowing how to think. He'd be half insane with desire, while himself was completely unaffected by it in the arousal spectrum. He wondered what that said about both of them and made a mental note to talk to his therapist about it. It took a while for Steve to calm down. When he was only sniffing wetly and his massive body had turned to dead weight on him from exhaustion, Bucky nudged his upper arm. "Hey."

"Hm?" "Go to the wash house with me, yes? I'll help you to get clean. You're all smeared” “It doesn't matter ... ", he breathed softly. "Oh yes, it does." Bucky said kindly but somewhat sternly the same - just like he sometimes spoke to Morgan. "You get it all over your sleeping bag, that's gross. Come along and wash your face.” Without resistance he let himself be drawn to the wash house and while Bucky was washing his face and helping to blow his nose, Steve had almost the same thought as his husband had before. He reached for his wrists. "Bucky ..." A few moments passed without another word. They looked into each other's eyes. Bucky knew what Steve was thinking, at least roughly, and Steve suddenly realized that this situation, which they had never experienced this way around in their lives, did not in the slightest the same to Bucky as it would do to himself. He dropped his gaze.

"W-what's happened? What in hell has happened to us?” He whispered. "Life?" Steve looked up again, a deep crease between his eyebrows. Bucky smiled affectionately but there was also a little wistful frown in his face. "What do you mean?" "Steve ... We've gone a long way. We have achieved a lot. We've got our own house, a child, good jobs, we are successful. We have grown older appropriately. It has been a long way and today we are many years older than when we started our trip. _Life_ has happened by us in our mid-30s no longer being the same as at the age of 20. Life has happened to us so we have to talk about water treatment systems, kindergarten selection, doctor's appointments and roof truss inspections instead of rolling in the sheets 24/7, having amazing sex . Don't get me wrong - who wouldn't want to do this all their lives? But life is not like that. "

"What are you getting at?" "You fell for a 20-year-old because you've thought you wanted it back." Steve tried to disagree, but Bucky shaking his head silenced him. He was still holding his wrists next to his face with both hands. "We had a good life, Steve. At nights we had good conversations at a late dinner, lazy Sunday afternoons in pajamas, when we played with Morgan for hours, laughing and singing. We danced and had fun all day. Long weekends in Boston or Washington or we went camping. We always had fun, the three of us - ever so much fun. There was only one thing to complain about: sex was neglected. This one insignificant - albeit wonderful thing, admittedly - against an otherwise perfect life. Oh, Steve ... “, he sobbed softly, but he was very calm considering his nature. Steve didn't seem to have a single tear left after his break-down, but he looked very troubled.

He took a deep breath, raised his head and said bravely: “I understand. That's why you don't love me anymore. Because I'm an immature, sex-obsessed drip who doesn't know what ... " Bucky interrupted him: "But I still _do_ love you, Steve!" Steve blinked a few times and closed his mouth. "Have you thought something could stop me from loving you? I sometimes don't like you very much, admittedly, but stop loving you? ", He gave a short, dry laugh, "Oh, Stevie ... But I have to tell you: you've unfortunately gotten there some time ago at a very crappy night when you gave me reason to think.” Steve hitched a breath, his grip on Bucky's wrists increased in strength. "No!", The sharp tone made Steve flinch. "Listen to me. Don't interrupt me and finally let go of my hands, I feel like I'm being arrested. Do I have to use my safe word? ”, Steve loosened his grip and laughed a little weakly, nodding. "Alright, Bucky, I'm listening. Whatever you want to tell me, I'm listening."

“Up to now, I haven't known this one thing: that when it comes to love someone, what matters is what you're getting from it... What you said to me about no longer knowing whether it is good for you to love me actually threw me for a loop ... like I've said: for me love was always an uncompromising, unconditional matter. But now, looking at it from a little distance ... maybe you're right. If loving someone ever yet only hurts, then ... ” Steve kept his word, didn't interrupt, listened attentively, surely Bucky would give him time later to justify himself? "And now - tonight, just to be precise – You've never in life loved me as much as at the face of loss and I'm asking you: Why have you never loved me so fiercely when you've had me?” Steve did not know whether the question was meant rhetorically and remained silent.

"Permission to speak." Bucky snorted, a bit amused. Steve winced. "This is not true! I've always loved you that much! Loved you unspeakably and I love you fiercely every second of my life! I could give you a thousand and more moments when I felt no less than ... tonight.” “One is enough for me." Without thinking Steve blurted out: "When Morgan was only three weeks with us, she was in my arms when you got home from work and then she was stretching her chubby arms out for you - for the first time. I'll never forget what your face looked like at that moment. So much happiness you did radiate and love and warmth, your eyes watered and when she snuggled up to you you looked at me over her bald head and your smile was goddamn unearthly beautiful. Some tears were falling then and you whispered: 'The Ball King is back.'. It was so typical of you - that a cocky remark to express such a primal, deep emotion... “, he fell silent.

Bucky's eyes were in tears again. He gasped for breath, deeply moved by Steve's story, impressed by his choice and moving presentation. Steve dared to feel for his hand, which was hanging weakly from his body, wanted to take it. Bucky's fingers closed around his and he took a step towards him, his chest touched Steve's and he cocked his head to the side, letting his his eyes fall close, parted his lips, the tip of his tongue ran over it. Steve understood and kissed him ...

(…)

A long while later they put their clothes back on after a quick shower. Steve moved a little more carefully than usual, they had had nothing with them except shower gel, which unfortunately gets a little sticky and with that inappropriate as a lube-substitute after a while because it's foaming like this. He was also a bit out of practice, well. _No pain, no gain_. On the way to their tent, Steve stopped Bucky, pulling him back briefly by his hand. "Please don't, Stevie, don't ask me that now." Steve laughed a little: "The last time you've said those words to me it ended up going pretty well for me, so I better keep my mouth shut." Bucky's features softened. "Oh baby ... don't forget ... never forget I _love_ you. Sometimes I just need some more time.” “You have all the time you need. It's enough for me at the moment that you still love me.” “Lesson one: I always love you, punk. Uncompromising and unconditional. Understood?” “For a jerk like you, that's gotten clearly to the point, understood."

When they were lying in their sleeping bags in the tent, Bucky whispered, "I'm going to close Barnes Motor Barn for a fortnight in two weeks." "Yes?" “And I'm going to Wakanda. It's about time to sort something out.” Steve rose halfway, surprised. "A-alone?" "Yes?" "Not that you think I assume you'd want to take me with you, but ..." "What?" "Could have been that you ... I mean, I don't know what you've been up to in the past few weeks ... ” Bucky frowned, then understood and gave a suppressed laugh. His giggles did not subside for a while. “Soon finished, you jerk?" Steve snorted. "Have you actually thought I'm seeing someone?" Steve sniffed: "Well, you just have to stand around somewhere long enough to get a phone number put into your pockets and I've thought you might not have a reason anymore to ... well, be reluctant."

"Oh Stevie ..." Bucky chuckled. "I don't even know how dating works. I've never done it in life!” That was true. "Um." "Standard answer, Steven Stark." "Hey!" “Listen: I've had one not-at-all- legendary hand job in a toilet cubicle out of defiance and anger on the evening I had such a nice visit to my apartment and I found it gross and regretted it deeply the next day.” “Oh.” “Steve, the sex-driven one of the two of us is not me.” “I beg your pardon?” “Well, that's the way ... " Bucky chuckled - very quietly, Morgan was sleeping between them. "I had been in love with you forever without the slightest prospect of a bit of sex. But you, _oh boy_ , when you even understood a little that you liked me, you immediately planted your huge body to me at every opportunity, you could hardly keep your hands off me, you were constantly in my private space – I'm not complaining – only telling like it was."

Steve thought for a moment and had to giggle softly, too. Bucky was right. "Or: Take Melissa! Okay you've done so.” Steve rolled his eyes. Bucky went on: “You talked to her for the first time in the afternoon in an ice cream parlor ending up to screw her in the back seat three hours later...” Steve made a half annoyed, half guilty face in the dark. "Yes, yes, I've gotten it." "You are one sex-driven punk." "And you _do_ like it!" "Yes, unless you're threatening with getting a divorce because of it." There was a very uncomfortable silence. "S-Stevie? I'm sorry ...” “No, Bucky. _I_ am sorry.” “Let's go to sleep.” Steve knew it was best to let it all sink in first and said bravely. "Good night."

Morgan's third birthday had been a blast, Steve's 33rd birthday three days later would not be such a nice party for him, he thought ...

Steve gave Bucky time. He took him to the airport on July 14th, asked him to give Shuri love, and was happy to be kissed goodbye ... Hopefully this trip will do him good, he thought on the way home. Alpine in her transport basket in the back had resigned and stopped meowing.

[What is actually going on? The bags her human has packed have already been an ominous omen. His clear intention to put her into her transport basket was more than ominous. Is he going to take her to the person who was always wearing the long white blanket? She hissed and struggled and fought. He won, but not without getting some scratches. Pff, she would suffer so much more if the person in the white blanket put the pointed thing into her skin – he'd know the agony if he'd once tried! Then the _mountain of meat_ came to pick them up. Oh no, are they going back to _him_? Hm. The tiny human was hopefully still there, not that she was alone with him when her human went out. After all, he still has that bad habit of going out. And yet she has thought he would wean himself off if since the two of them were finally united together alone. When the rocking vehicle stopped, her human was leaning over her hated basket and muttered some sweet words in his most fond voice, surely an apology - more than appropriate, and ... then he went away! AWAY! What? WHAT? What's going on?]


	111. A lonely birthday for Steve?

**A lonely birthday for Steve?**

Thor hadn't sent space decorations for Morgan's third birthday. He and Jane had surprised everyone by coming in person to the garden party on July 4th, 2035 with Erik, and Thor had been building up everything all morning and it looked fantastic. It was his present for the little niece. There were lots of balloons in moon and star shape, a small rocket climbing wall, a ball pool with earth, Mars, moon and other planet-designed balls. The birthday cake was shaped like a rocket and there were numerous cakepops in planets design. Thor had ordered everything from his usual supplier and so the flatware he supplied was according to the space theme too.

The girl cheered and pulled herself away from her father's hand, looked enthusiastically at everything up close and when her uncle congratulated for the girl's birthday telling her he had built up all of it just for her, she fell around his neck with freeing herself quickly again. "Where's Erik?" Thor laughed: "In this family everyone's ever only happy about my son. He's in the house, crumbs, Aunt Jane is changing him.” Morgan whisked away. Thor and Steve hugged each other. "Is this in Bucky's sense, Steve?" His younger brother asked him seriously. Steve nodded bravely. “We had a very nice birthday with her alone. It's alright with him.” Thor looked at him briefly, but decided not to say anything else about the sad state of Steve's marriage. “Congratulations, by the way. It's actually your birthday.” Steve thought _and a very lonely one at that_ , but he laughed bravely: “And that of America.”

"Are we the first guests?" He asked as they went up to the house. "Uncle Jim is already there and Loki, of course. He's always been the one on time of us.” “You've knocked him out with your surprise, haven't you?” Steve knew how close his brothers were. Thor had finally told him the surprise secret, because Steve assumed he would have to install Morgan's space decoration. "Yes indeed. Who would have thought: You can surprise Loki like this.” They went on chatting about Thor's life in a motorhome and about the children all the way to the living hall. Steve said hello to his parents and Uncle Jim. Loki, Jane, Erik and Morgan were not in sight. And neither ... "Where's Peter?" Thor slapped his upper arm. "With the other kids, brother." Steve laughed.

The Stark boys' large nursery, most recently inhabited by Peter, had been put back into operation. There was also a bathroom with a changing table. Morgan jabbered with Erik, while both of them rummaged up to their elbows in a large toy box. Jane and Peter talked while watching the kids. "... and then it turned out the Hubble recording was mirror-inverted the whole time, so I could still have calculated until the cows come home!" Peter laughed. The astrophysicist found the young brother-in-law adorable. He soaked up everything she told him like some science-thirsty sponge, and even though she didn't like to admit, talking to Thor about her work, it was sometimes difficult ... The boy asked a clever, very well-founded question about her latest research and after lecturing for minutes on the Boggs-Higgins abnormality and the differences in the structure of the string theory, of course no problem for Peter, who was familiar with scientific terms, he told her about one of his classes at community college: Creative Writing for Popular Science.

"What you've said about the black hole continuum and anti-matter, in a popular science writer's words would be told like this..." Jane was intrigued. The 18-year-old 'translated' a complicated scientific process into layperson-understandable English ... Maybe she ought to go to community college for a few months herself ... Loki came back at that moment, he had looked for a Halloween costume in his old room - a costume he had worn when he was four: The Wizard of Oz. He was small and thin at that age, but Erik, who was very tall for his age - he was barely smaller than his cousin, almost being a year older, it will fit perfectly! "Hello little Lady Morgan! Methinks it was your birthday!"

"Untle Loki!" Morgan hugged his legs. "There was my birthday! I and Daddy and Daddy have looked at stars. So many stars and a galathy, Andomeda.” Loki crouched down to her eye-level. "Sounds awesome, little one! Have you heard the stars sparkling, too?” The girl shook her head with locked eyebrows. “Stars are very very far away. I can't touch them. Then I can't hear them either!” “I was just kidding. Where are your daddies” “Daddy is with Grampa and Daddy is with Alpine.” Loki looked over her curly head at his younger brother. Peter raised a shoulder, after all he had been up here when the latest guests arrived. Erik had fished a headband with reindeer antlers on it from the depths of the toy box. He held it out to Morgan. "Look: deer!" “Erik, you're stupid, it's a reindeer!” She took it from him pushing it into her unruly curls. "Peedah! I'm Rudolph!” “Merry Christmas!” her youngest uncle laughed.

Everyone went downstairs. Loki showed his sister-in-law the Wizard of Oz costume on the way - she was thrilled. In the meantime it had gotten a bit more crowded in the Starks' living hall. The Romanov-Banner-Maximoffs-Visions had arrived. And that were a lot of people! Natasha and Bruce, who were talking animatedly with Rhodey and Pepper. Pietro, a confirmed bachelor, did a counting-out-rhyme with his nephew Nikolai and his niece Olga, while Wanda and her husband told Tony Stark what resonance Paul’s latest non-fiction book 'Maybe I'm a Monster?' just received. Steve was a little lost in a corner of the huge Stark couch, turning his glass back and forth.

"Daddy!" Morgan jumped next to him. "Look, I'm Rudolph!" Steve's facial features collapsed ... The headband that made it into the Starks' toy box was part of Bucky's Winter Ball Rudolph outfit... "Morgan, honey, daddy has to go somewhere. Go and say Nikolai and Olga hello, will you?” Steve literally fled from the room ...

Morgan frowned and pulled the antlers off her head, dropping them carelessly and since she had nothing better to do anyway, she joined the Vision-Maximoff children. Nikolai was almost five, a red-haired, pretty boy with big green eyes and a million freckles. His little sister Olga was two and a half, a cute toddler with rounded cheeks, a lot of dimples, and two blond braids protruding from her head. Pietro briefly introduced Morgan to the rules of the rhyme and Morgan's displeasure over daddy's lack of interest evaporated quickly.

"Jane? What do you think? Is it a good time?” Thor addressed his girlfriend. Everyone looked expectantly back and forth between the two of them. "Oughtn't we be waiting for Steve?" Loki, who had picked up the carelessly thrown away Rudolph headband - he almost had stepped on it - looked at the thing with a sigh and said, "I don't think Steve will come back so quickly." His mother looked at him sharply, then at the toy in his hand and after, in a questioning way at her husband. Tony shook his head a bit. In their secret language that meant: 'Give him a minute'.

"Thor, Jane! Don't put us on the rack anymore longer!” Peter called out, bouncing on his balls of his feet. He thought he knew what the two of them had to tell. Jane's research had progressed so much in the past few months. She most likely had a chance of winning the Nobel Prize! But Peter was wrong ...

Thor stepped next to Jane, put an arm around her small body, and beamed around:

"We are pregnant again!"

This sentence, usually coming tasteless from men – it didn't from Thor. Everyone who was not standing already jumped up. That was great news! There was a lot of confusion and the curiosity of the assembled friends and family members was gradually satisfied. The youngest Stark baby would see the light of day in March and the mobile home would be too small from then on. Jane wanted to give up field research and was already starting to put together a team to work hand in hand with her. Her, Thor and the kids would live in the base in a spacious apartment. Peter shouted: "It must be awesome to work in your field team!"

Tony cleared his throat and poked his index finger at his daughter-in-law. "Don't steal another one of my boys away from me." Everyone knew and felt this wasn't _only_ a joke. Peter grinned at his dad. "What about holidays? I could get the cool motorhome and Ned could come with me, you surely need an IT specialist, Jane. A man in the chair!" Thor replied: "Yes, speaking of the camper. We've actually thought about giving it to Steve and Bucky if our family's growing out of it, but ... well ... ” That caused a brief silence.

Loki broke it first. "I'm going to check on Steve." So he left the living room. Natasha quietly asked Pepper about the status of the Barnes/Stark situation. Wanda and Paul had a lot to tell Thor and Jane about everything with a second child not only doubling, but rather increased. The stress, the work - but also the joy and happiness! Tony talked with Jim and Bruce. Everyone was somehow still with Steve - and Bucky. It was strange. It was as if they couldn't remember the last family celebration without Steve's husband, it was that long ago: in 2023 when Bucky was in Germany for the summer ...

Steve had fled to his old room, where of course more memories were flooding him ... That distant, long past night where a fabulously sexy-sweet reindeer had made love to him in this room for hours ... To see those antlers again had been terrible! He had been so confident only two days ago. That he could gather the strength to endure this, to survive. Giving Bucky this time, patiently waiting, even if it had to be an eternity! He already had his phone in hand and automatically called speed dial ...

"Steve? Something's happened?” “No nothing, nothing's wrong... don't worry.” Bucky had answered after the second ring, he sounded a bit breathless. Steve frowned. "D-do I bother you?" Bucky on the other end laughed softly. "Happy birthday, you punk." Oh yes, there was something else. "Thank you, I ... I'm sorry to call. I don't actually know why I've done at all. I am in my old room and Morgan ... she has ... she has" he took a deep breath, "your old Rudolph antlers are still here after all those years, and she's just had them on her head and then I'm up here and suddenly I've got you on the phone ... ” Steve's stammer died out. "Stevie ...", his deep voice was warm and very soft, "I'm sorry ..."

"It's strange to be here with everyone and the kids and ... without you." "How does Morgan like her space birthday? I remember the Ragnarok Events website. I would have loved to be a child again myself.” “Yes, turn back time, if we only could.” “Steve, don't do this, don't make it harder for yourself.” “Y-you are right. The space decorations are terrific! She's thrilled!” “Fine, that's making me happy. But Stevie, it's your birthday too, go celebrate a bit.” Steve sighed. "Well ... I'm not in the mood." "Then celebrate America's. Our crazy country doesn't need a special mood to celebrate, it does anyway even when everything around's going to pieces. Take an example, Steve. Go on and don't spoil everyone's day!” “What are you doing?” “Guess!" “Don't have to. Don't take so long, go out a little, celebrate our country a bit!” “Well, maybe. I'm wishing you a nice day, Steve.” They hung up.

Loki, who had heard Steve speaking through the door, very muffled, of course he hadn't understood a word and had no intention of doing so, waited until it was completely quiet again and knocked. Steve called his guest in. He sat on the edge of his bed like a heap of misery, his phone in his hand. His younger brother sat down with him and held out the headband. "Maybe you want to stow it somewhere where no one can find it and put it on again, what do you think?" Steve nodded gratefully and put the antlers in his old bedside drawer. He ran his fingertips over it one last time and resolutely closed the drawer.

"How are things?" Straightforward, like Loki's way in such conversations was, he got straight to the point. That gave Steve some strength. "It is not as bad as it could be, but not very good either. Bucky asked me for more time.” Loki raised his eyebrows questioningly. "And of course I give it to him. However, it can take quite a while longer than I would wish.” “And what's scaring you the most about it?" Steve sighed stretchedly, eyebrows knocked. "Maybe that he will never know how valuable he actually is. Bucky ... he - to put it bluntly - he thinks he sucks - and that's probably my fault. My amount of guilt in this is not measurable.” His shoulders sagged resignedly. Loki took a deep breath:

"You can not know this. There can be a thousand reasons having nothing to do with you. It is not even imperative that someone _is_ to blame. Guilt is an inflationary term if you ask me. How couldn't the years with you have convinced Bucky he was wrong about himself?” Steve didn't understand and you could see it quite clearly. "I mean, don't you think that's more of a thing that is so deeply rooted in him that nothing - with the best will in the world which I am also assuming from you - could have changed anything?" "Well, I don't know ... Who if not me?” “True perhaps, but not necessarily. Bucky certainly doesn't need this therapy because of you.” “This ... I have to think about it for a while." Loki nodded understandingly. There was no need to tell his brother he was always there for him if he needed him. "Are you coming down?"

"I'm just spoiling the nice party for everyone. Can you excuse me with all of them? I'm coming back to the fireworks and to pick up Morgan.” “You're not saying goodbye to her?” “Oh, her Highness is upset because I've left her there, I don't even think she'll notice me leaving.” Loki made no further objection, respected Steve's desire to retreat unnoticed. "See you later, Steven." "See you and ... thanks." Loki tilted his head and left the room.

Steve sneaked out of the house going to Brooklyn.

"Why have I known you were going to hit here, Stevie?" Bucky smiled gently. Steve, of course, was afraid he would upset him, but when he called him a hello from the entrance, Bucky just pushed up his welder's goggles grinning widely. "It's my birthday, I can do whatever I want." "It's not your _third_ birthday." "You've said I oughta go celebrate a little and well, I've told _you_ to go celebrate a little. If neither of us takes care of the other one, making sure he's actually about to celebrate a bit, neither of us does so, right?” Bucky was amazed. "Smooth, Steve! Happy birthday again. Go, celebrate, yes?” “Prospect Heights is completely closed to traffic - there is a street carnival. Would you like to go there, with a _friend_?” Steve's eyes sparkled with mischief and Bucky just had to laugh. Steve knew the story with Sung Yin and the street party they went to as _friends_ , of course.

"The last person to ask me this had my tongue down his throat three hours later." "When, if not on my birthday, when could I challenge my luck a bit?" Bucky gave in, shaking his head. He didn't have much time, he was invited to the barbeque with the Shermans and of course promised Elaine to bring snacks. They weren't decorated yet, but he could actually go to the carnival for two hours - with a _friend_ …

They had a good time. They nibbled on the offer of half a dozen food trucks, listened to live music, saw a good drag show and danced together a bit. Bucky hadn't changed clothes much, only washed his hands and face, swapped the jacket of his work suit for a shirt, and tied his hair back properly. Steve thought he was gorgeous ... Unfortunately, he didn't get his tongue shoved down his throat, but when he chivalrously took him home, Bucky kissed him goodbye. It was a long kiss and an intimate, affectionate one, but somewhat shy and reserved the same, as you would probably do after a first date. Steve had no idea - after all, he had never really dated ...

Full of energy again and with renewed confidence, he went back to the garden party after a long walk through Brooklyn. Morgan hadn't missed him a bit ...

When back he finally learned about the big news he had missed. He was really happy! Nobody told him about Thor's plans with the camper. You could tell he was feeling so much better now than a few hours ago and nobody actually wanted to change this.

The BARF-fireworks, programmed by Tony and thrown into the night sky, were of course geared to Morgan's space birthday. An Apollo rocket started spectacularly and was accompanied on its way to the moon (in fast motion). Instead of exploding fireworks, the software mimicked meteor showers, comet encounters and, as a highlight, the Apollo rocket landed on the moon next to a UFO. The aliens who got out were very friendly and let dozens of balloons fly out of their spaceship. All with a large shining figure three on them ...

When the children were all put to bed and only 'the hard core' of the party was left, they sat down comfortably in the Starks' living hall. Peter told his brothers about community college. There he met weird, bt charming people and everyone had a lot to laugh about his stories. Thor had found some old Sanctuary High yearbooks in his old room (where he and Jane of course were staying) and brought them down. Quotes from former classmates were always a source of cheerfulness after years and so the family browsed for a while in the old, somewhat tattered and yellowed booklets.

There were real treasures to be found:

Statements about Steve were:

" _Will be President of the United States.", "Always knows where he put his keys." "Will get his miserable trumpet wrapped around his neck.", "Will confirm an air conditioning system to be sufficient to an Inuit._ "

On Thor there was to be read:

" _Will replace Animal on the Muppets Show.", "Will be awarded an Olympic gold medal.", "Will be Mister Universe", "Will conquer Greenland for America as a modern Viking._ "

Loki was mentioned memorably with:

" _Reincarnation of William Shakespeare." "Will take control of the world.", "Will emigrate to Great Britain." "Will create a new look: Modern Medieval._ "

There was to read about Peter:

_"Will be the next Tony Stark.", "Will break his neck when saving a kitten from a tree.", "Will turn water into wine using chemistry.", "Will build a superhero robot that saves the world countless times._ "

Bucky was also some subject:

" _Will make a career in Hollywood as the new Cary Grant.", "Will get lost in the depths of his closet and never seen again.", "Will fly to the moon to raise the Pride Flag.", "Will one day be the captain of the Rainbow Warrior XXII._ "

Jane got something too (Thor had treasured this yearbook carefully...) :

" _Will get the Nobel Prize.", "Will have to live with the ringtone 'Descapito' for the rest of her life.", "Will never get a date on the line.", "Will take a telescope to parties forever!_ "

The passages about old friends were funny too:

Peter Quill:

" _Will form an army of raccoons.", "Will liberate a dictatorial country by means of a dance battle", "Will be masked as an outlaw to play pranks - code name: Starlord.", "Will make 80s music a world cultural heritage._ "

Sam Wilson ;:

" _Will once wake up in the morning with his resting bitch face and can't get it away.", "Will break Usain Bolt's record.", "Will solve Jack the Ripper's case after 140 years._ "

Nebula Titan:

" _Will make herself available for a cyborg experiment.", "Will learn to really let people drop dead by a look._ "

Peggy Carter:

" _Will call out global matriarchy.", "Will be the first woman in the White House.", "Will enforce a law that says school shouldn't start until ten._ "

T'Challa Udako:

_"Wakanda forever!_ "

Shuri Udako:

" _Will bring down monarchies to unite the African continent.", "Will make 'sarcasm' the new world language."_

Scott Lang:

" _Will go to jail," "Will work at Baskin Robbins.", "Ants are hot shit!_ "

The evening ended with a lot of laughter and Steve, who lovingly tugged in Morgan on the couch in his old room (in July, of course, only with a very thin blanket), made himself comfortable in his youth bed, checked his phone and sat up surprised and excited. An email from Bucky!

" _Dear Steve,_

_the time with you at the carnival was quite pleasurable and I hope you're with me there. I also hope you know I really wished it was the same as it's been in the past. Even but I have to admit, a little time span to go back would be enough for me. I no longer want to be the one who strutted around campus as if he owned the world. It was an amazing time, yes, and our love made me feel the world was owned to me. This feeling has never been lost. I've owned the world with you and Morgan. More than ever. Only thing: I felt not everyone had to know that anymore. It's not something that concerns too many people, I think now that I'm older. It's something too precious for me to share. Unfortunately, it was fragile too as it turned out._

_But haven't you really known? Have I failed you? Then I'm sorry. I was always sure to show you how much you mean to me._

_The time with you today felt like a date, don't you think so? Not that I know what a date feels like, but that's exactly how I imagine what it feels like. When I get back from Wakanda, I would be very happy to do it again. But I'll leave it up to you to decide. I've made enough decisions for our lives and now it's your turn, I guess._

_You don't have to answer right away. I respect, of course, if you have to think about it first._

_Bucky_

_P.S. Can you take Alpine while I'm in Wakanda? I can also put her in an animal boarding house, but it would break my heart and her Highness' too if she had one ..._ "

Steve only sent a very short answer:

" _I like to take in the little monster, which you repeatedly play down as a 'cat'. Morgan will be happy._ "


	112. Thor's 'first' apartment

**Thor's 'first' apartment**

After the barbeque, Thor asked his mother if she would help them set up their apartment. Pepper beamed with joy. Two weeks later, she traveled to Arizona with a small suitcase full of practical clothes, a large one full of stylish boy fashion for tall two-year-olds, and a lot of ideas on mind. At the last minute, Loki decided to go with her. He was less interested in furnishing the apartment, but wanted to stay with Erik while his mother and brother were wandering through furniture stores. Summer was dead season at the theater and he could easily take off a while.

Thor, of course, picked up his family at the Tucson airport and brought them to their hotel. Jane would be in town for dinner in two or three hours. Thor left the boy with the two of them to do some shopping in the capital - it was always a one-hour trip here and every opportunity to replenish supplies had to be used. Mother and son played blissfully with (currently) the youngest Stark, who gave them both his trusting affection. Both Loki and his mother often met Thor and Erik for a video chat. Pepper was far from jealous - even if she once hoped she might be the closest to her grandson.

She didn't grant this anyone more than her introverted son, who had consistently denied any suggestion he had to be lonely, but the son closest to her from all of them four couldn't fool her. It may be that he was not lonely, why would he tell her the untruth about it? But how much the relationship with his nephew and godchild meant to him, what quiet joy and deep satisfaction he felt and radiated, made her heart melt. Finally Loki - who had sometimes been a problem child - had found true happiness. She just hoped that fate would not have snatched Steve's away from him forever for it ... Her eldest and his husband had been separated for a while longer than she and Tony could have imagined ...

Bucky had sent very polite emails to the whole family asking everyone for the distance he needed. Nobody was particularly jolly about it, but what could any of them have done? Bucky was an adult, 34, he was no longer the 18-year-old, Tony Stark could have given a piece of his mind... They sometimes talked about him - Steve's parents couldn't explain why the son-in-law still after all those years didn't feel like belonging to them. Thor was genuinely aggrieved, but as the family's unwavering optimist and romantic, he was pragmatic. Bucky and Steve would get together again - after all, that was their fate.

Sam and Sharon were shocked and offered encouragement and comfort, but had to find Bucky had always seen them as Steve's friends and, as he put it, he wanted to save them from being biased. Why, as Sharon knew from Shuri, he did not entrust his pain and hurt to his best friend either, could not be explained ...

The one who suffered was Peter. Him of all of Steve's brothers was closest to the brother-in-law - firstly owed to the common interests. But also because he visited them - and Morgan - often and had looked up to Steve from an early age. His eldest brother had been heavily involved in Peter's development and upbringing with a lot of responsibility and seriousness. To see him unhappy and without Bucky, who in his world had always belonged to Steve, was very difficult for the boy. And Loki? Loki probably understood the beautiful brother-in-law best - desired by many, loved by few. However, this naturally included that he honestly respected his demand for distance.

For Loki, who sometimes didn't speak to his best friend for six months or more, it wasn't a problem to take a longer break in a relationship. Bucky would talk to all of them again. Why wouldn't he? He loved Steve, he loved this family. It might take, maybe long. But like Thor, he was just as sure they would find each other again. He just didn't call it fate, but rather stubbornness, tenacity and willpower. After all, both were endowed with a lot of those properties. Get caught up in a marriage crisis? Give up the other one? Betray their love? In the long run, none of this was conceivable, he thought. Nevertheless, he felt sorry for the whole family. Well, nobody could change that - except Bucky ...

But for now the thing to do was to create a home for Thor, Jane, Erik and the next Stark baby. Thor's first real home, if you like. When Loki thought back to his old room at Stark Manor, he shivered in digust as much as he had to laugh. Yes, the Starks always had a housekeeper. But at the same time, their parents didn't want them to become snobs who never even picked up a sock themselves. They always had to keep their rooms and bathrooms clean themselves. A cleaning company was only commissioned twice a year to carry out basic cleaning of all children's rooms. No one was surprised that Loki's room did not look any different before and after. Well, the time the cleaners saved in it could always be converted into overtime in Thor's room...

In childhood Loki always called Thor's room the 'hole' and it was one, so to speak - a _black_ hole ... How much dishes, cutlery and towels the cleaning company carried out of the 'room' every six months amazed his parents every time - at least the fact they still found plates, mugs and cutlery for their meals in the kitchen cupboards and nobody had to towel themselves with toilet paper after showering. This was also a bit because Steve sometimes took pity on the family and dared to go in 'the hole' to find some of plates, forks and cups - primarily out of fear of one day having to eat from a sheet of the newspaper with a pointed stick instead of a fork. Instead of out of his closet, into which he randomly stuffed all sorts of stuff when he was required to tidy up, Thor used 'the chair' when dressing, on which he always stacked the washed and folded laundry, artfully piled up, which Mrs. Watson had put in front of his door.

Only the corner where his drum set was set was clean and tidy. Which ultimately left his parents evenminded - it showed them Thor, when it mattered, did have a sense of order and care. In his agency, much later, he also proved it. Before that, however, he lived in the furnished shared apartment on campus with Clark and Beau, and none of the three of them had any sense of living hygiene. Loki never visited his brother there ... Thor's first 'own' apartment was again a furnished room with a tiny kitchen, into which an even tinier bath was squeezed. Since he spent more time in his agency than at home and he also went to parties and clubs all the time, the apartment was somewhat spared the fate of becoming a 'black hole' ...

The next place to stay was Jane's apartment in the observatory, where he made every effort to not spread chaos, which he succeded in - love worked wonders! And next, as the father of a small family, he lived in an RV most of the time; and since he was now a houseman and considered it his profession, the motorhome was Thor Stark's first own home, which was lovingly cared for and kept clean. His family had been amazed when they found out. So for the first time Thor was supposed to move into an apartment, spacious and worthy of the name, that was, _would be_ a home - a _home_ ...

However, neither he nor Jane were interested in interior design, and Pepper Stark came into play. Inspired by the memory of how she had once turned Tony's 'Man Cave' into a home, she rushed into the task with zeal and pleasure while Loki spent wonderful hours with his nephew. Thor blindly trusted his mother, their home at Stark Manor had been set up by her, too, and it was beautiful! So the future Foster-Stark home took shape on paper. (Or better in a BARF simulation. For his business Thor had learned to work with it to some extent, he was able to project furniture, carpets and curtains into empty rooms, but like his father, Peter or Bucky did, to give existing objects a new disguising look, using the software perfectly, nobody else could do so in the family – and even hardly no one in the world, at that.)

The baby's nursery was kept neutral in white and would be 'upgraded' as soon as the baby's gender was diagnosed - this time Thor and Jane wished so, to be able to talk to Erik about the baby by name in time. Pepper commissioned the baby outfitter with both series – maritime theme for a boy, a floral one for a girl - and what was not needed would simply be canceled. Of course, she had the most fun setting up Erik's room! The boy loved castles, knights and dragons, and for this there was, God knows, enough furniture for children's rooms - a castle-like loft bed with a dragon cave underneath, a rocking horse in full-battle armor and heavy red velvet curtains for the large window.

It was an unfamiliar joy for Pepper to set up the children's room and even be allowed to pay for everything! That would be unthinkable with Bucky, who only with gritted teeth barely accepted her buying Morgan's clothes! Jane apparently had no problem with that. On the other hand, the uncomplicated young woman would certainly not be the right one for Thor if she were such a difficult character with such a complex personality as her son-in-law ... It's a wonder that he actually matched so well with Steve, who was straightforward and down to earth and also – a bit conservative at times. But Steve was also a fighter by nature. 'Easy' could never have captivated him permanently ...

Around the middle of the 'furnishing vacation', Pepper went out to have dinner alone with her daughter-in-law. The women always had a lot to talk about, as rarely as they could spend time together. Thor opened a bottle of wine for himself and his brother. Loki didn't drink alcohol often, but today he wanted to make himself comfortable with some goblet of wine.

"How are you, brother?" Thor didn't want to hear 'thank you, I'm fine.' Loki knew. "How do you think I am?" Thor smiled broadly: "Better than in a while. But tell me anyway.” “It's good to be here. Summer is often unbearable in New York. I don't have enough to do and the city - as if it wasn't already overcrowded anyway - is bursting at the seams with crowds of tourists. “, He sighed. "Unfortunately, my job forces me to live in a metropolis." "I miss New York sometimes." "What about it most?" He hadn't expected Thor's answer: "You." Loki opened his mouth in surprise, but closed it again because his brother kept talking.

"Don't get me wrong, I miss all of you and my life with Jane and Erik is wonderful, but ... How are you doing without me? Do you have got friends? Or do you see Steve a little more often now? I have long considered whether I should ask you about this. But since you never mention anyone and Steve or Peter or Mom and Dad don't tell they see you very often, I was worried.” Loki put down his wine glass. "You're worried about me, big brother?" The giant grinned crookedly at him. "Well ... I know you don't need _no_ one." That was a simple and very apt answer. Loki had always devoted a great deal to someone special. Not that he could show what they mean to him in the special relationships he had with those people. No, he simply couldn't. But Loki only ever chose people to be closest to his heart who were able to know it anyway.

The first years of his life, of course, this special place in his heart was owned by his mother. And of course he was still very attached to her to this day. But when he realized in elementary school he would always have to share his mother's heart to a large extent - primarily with his father, it plunged the sensitive boy into an ongoing crisis that had led to a significant estrangement of father and son at the time . So far he had watched his brothers with only mild interest. There was Steve, who took the fact he was the oldest to know everything better and to tell him what was right and wrong, what seemed strange to him, he knew very well what was right and wrong. Only that he often didn't care. He didn't do something because it was _right_ , but because he _wanted_ to.

Thor, who had always been a wild, rough boy, seemed to have a similar attitude towards his eldest brother - at least he either didn't care what he told him to do or leave. However, the first years of his life Loki had always found Thor too loud, too noisy and too intrusive - and a bit stupid. In his sad lonely puberty, he suddenly found himself in the position of the little brother who was protected by the big, strong brother, a brawler and class clown, more often than he liked. When he then felt, researched and met the feeling of being a big brother himself, it became clearer to him year for year how much he meant to his wild, loud, funny brother and became increasingly trusting in him.

When Steve moved out at 18, he was surprised to find that he was missing by all of them. At that time he was 14 himself and unfortunately he had never been able to fully catch up with his brotherly attachment to the oldest Stark boy. They were in regular contact, of course, like all Starks were, but Steve would never be able to replace Thor - even if he needed him now, in a dire life crisis, and Loki would listen to him whenever he wanted and be available to offer advice. But Steve was unable to give him anything back. Not because he didn't want to, certainly not. But Loki knew that Steve didn't really understand him and might never do so. And that, in turn, _was_ the after all least bit stupid brother, better than anyone else in the family. Only Thor was not a person brooding or talking about things like that. However, Loki was even less able to fool his favorite brother than his mother. Speaking of Lokis vehemently denied loneliness which he had never escaped.

Loki picked up his wine glass again and twisted it thoughtfully. Thor cleared his throat: "I know I let you down." "But Thor ..." Loki contradicted him, frowning. The older one raised his hand: "You've thought it yourself, haven't you?" He smiled with not the slightest reproach in his deep, pleasant voice. Loki sighed. "I can't fool you." "Oh don't say that! You fool me with a lot of things, but not the important ones, that's true. So, you have _thought_ so yourself.” “Well, I cannot deny that, although I had every understanding to the same extent and I give you your luck from the bottom of my heart. But ... yes, I felt abandoned by you. In this family it is sometimes not easy to be heard when you are not loud.” Thor chuckled. He knew what Loki meant (Steve, for example, was very loud!). "But they all love you, you know that." "Oh yes, of course I know that. And yet I'm often too quiet." He gave his thin smile.

"Are you seeing someone?" "How do you define seeing? I go to dinner with work colleagues, attend premieres and vernissages ...” “Women, men. I mean _women_. Or _men_. Let's call it ' _someone_ ', maybe someone special?” Thor was the only one in the family who knew that Loki was by no means as inexperienced as most people around him assumed. "Oh, that. Oh, that. Not very often anymore. I give in to the wild call of hormones much less often than I did a few years ago. You know I don't care much about it anymore. It's become stale to me. The vanity, the superficiality of it. Very few people our age are willing to enter into a relationship that is not, or only to a limited extent, determined by sexuality and passion.” “You can hardly be disagreed on this. Most would call a life like that one of a monk.” “I'm not living like a _monk_. The director is always the most attractive man in the eyes of the second cast.” Loki's sarcasm was unbeatable. Thor laughed out loud. Loki continued: “But that's basically very disreputable and it has never happened to me that I've found someone physically attractive who has what it takes to stimulate my mind. At least not in the way it would take to conquer my heart. "

"But there is someone stimulating your mind, isn't there?" Thor smiled knowingly. "I have a pen pal." The word was accompanied by an amused snort and the two brothers poured out laughter. The summer Bucky was in Japan with his family, Steve had a pen pal, a girl: Ricarda, a Caribbean beauty, four years older than him, and deeply yearning for - _a green card_. Steve was writing page after page in ink on expensive paper, withholding the girl his tender age, and every time a letter stinking of cheap perfume flew into the house, he had locked himself in for hours refining his answer. When Ricarda became aware she was writing with the son of a famous billionaire, her letters became even more loving and tender - until one day she found out that the billionaire's eldest son was twelve years old and the auspicious mail stayed away from one day to the next.

The following autumn, Steve had recovered from his heartbreak and was playing a bouncy ball game with Bucky in his room one afternoon. They threw it over a wall and the one whom dropped it got a penalty point. Ambitious as both of them were, the game dragged on for a while and when Steve threw the ball particularly clumsily against the wall, Bucky had to jump to catch it. He knocked Steve's nightstand over and the cherry wood box in which he kept his private mail jumped open and poured its intimate contents onto the floor. At first glance was more than clear what sort of letters they were: were brimming with hearts, the smell of perfume was still obnoxious and there were a lot of pressed flowers on the floor between the loose paper sheets. Bucky was thrilled and immediately started reading one out loud. Steve tried to snatch the letter from him and they struggled and wrestled a little - it was one of the very last times that Bucky wasn't getting hard from it ...

For a few weeks his best friend teased him terribly, asked him if he had ever corrected one of her 'works' with red pencil grading it to be sent back to the girl. Ricarda's grammar and spelling couldn't match her fiery black eyes and remarkable titty size. It wasn't until many years later at a drinking game that Steve paid it back to his boyfriend by forcing him, in truth or dare, to tell what he really thought of Steve's postal affair. Bucky, who, when he was drunk - and the game had already gone a couple of rounds - took truth or dare very seriously, blushed and confessed to Steve, cutely pouting and pawing at him, among many poorly coordinated pecks that he was immoderately annoyed that he did not come up with the idea of writing letters in ink on paper to Steve and sending pressed flowers from Japan. Steve laughed at him: "Your handwriting would have given me depression."

The story had been given in great detail late at night at their wedding. Thor and Loki kept laughing about it. "Please tell me more." Thor asked after their casual calm had returned. "What do you want to know?" "Everything you want to tell me." "In any case, I don't have a cherry wood box with scented letters on the bedside table. We write to each other in a private chat room of a literature forum. First of all: I don't know if it's a man or a woman. The person is called Gynander and that probably doesn't tell you much, but it means 'ambisexual person'. Of course I don't have a photo either. Nan, as I call the person, also never wanted to know whether I am a man or a woman or another option, although my username is admittedly not so mysterious: Laufeyson. We're writing each other lengthy mails regularly and have a lot in common. Well, more than a lot. Once we corresponded for a month only with quotations from famous world literature works and at the end of that time neither of us was really surprised that we both had gotten a very precise insight into the everyday life of the other one. I've never spoken to someone so well read, Nan can actually keep up with me.”

"It always fascinates me how you not only remember all those quotes in detail, but also always apply them very appropriately." "Nan agrees, even though he/she/it is in no way inferior to me." The pensive smile of the younger brother's softened his serious indifferent features and Thor let his mouth hang open for a little while before saying, "Are you ... _in love_?" It didn't really sound like a question. Loki's eyes went up to his brother's deep blue eyes. "Well, I don't have much experience with that. _Maybe_.” “You've never been in love before, have you?” The younger man wrinkled his nose a little, thinking hard. "Well, I don't know, but if I were forced to answer, I'd say you're right. However, I think that 'my' in love is decidedly different from everyone's else 'in love' in this family. No wedding bells or babyshower parties in sight, I'd say. "

"If 'your' in love makes you as happy as 'my' in love does me, I'm more than pleased, it's terrific, to be expressed in my simple, quotation-free, trivial words." Loki's smile deepened. "To put it with Blaise Pascal: 'A drop of love is more than an ocean of knowledge'. In order to understand what deep emotion you want to show me, you don't need clever quotes, brother.” “I love you, brother.” “I know, have always known.” “Good." They clinked glasses and raised their drinks. "You could tell I am better than two years ago," Loki said. Thor laughed softly. "I know I hit you hard when I left New York. When Erik was born, a new star rose in your sky and I was happy to be able to give you this gift. But we were far away, Erik and me, and you suffered in New York. Because you don't need _no_ one and if the person you need the most is not close to you, then ... well, how can I put it? "

“'The grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bits it break.' William Shakespeare. This family is really big enough so I could have found comfort, don't you think?” “Maybe. I thought a lot about you and sometimes took myself in a reproachful fit. I would not have admitted to you in life because it would have disturbed you - because nobody grants me my happiness as much as you do.” “Oh, but Thor, all of us do so!” “But only for you did my luck at first mean nothing but loss.” It didn't happen often that Thor left his younger brother speechless - and not only that. He had to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. Thor made no comment about it, of course. “That's why I entrusted myself to Jane and more than anything, her reaction convinced me she was the right one. Most women would have been deeply offended when someone else than them has a strong meaning for their spouse.” Loki nodded. "You're probably right - but replace 'women' with 'people' - people are like that."

"Anyway, my grief over you deeply touched her and when she suggested that I go back to New York with Erik because we can always have a long-distance relationship that worked, I knew she was serious and I've been thinking some days about it, but soon it became clear to me that …" Loki interrupted him: "... that I wouldn't have wanted this because your happiness is more important to me than my well-being." Thor looked at his brother with understanding. "Jane is a great woman and that she would never ask me to choose between her and you ..." Thor struggled for words, deeply moved by emotion. Loki helped him: “The day Erik was born, I said to you that she _deserves_ you. Now you know what I meant.” Thor laughed shaking his head. "No. I still don't know. However you get the idea, one have to _deserve_ me ..” “Then I put it differently: she deserves your love." His older brother nodded thoughtfully: "She does." Then he laughed again. "Even if that's either what I would call something that you have to deserve."

Loki filled their empty wine glasses again. "You know, that makes your love so valuable." "I still don't understand." “Cheers!” “Here's to us! Tell me more about Nan. Must be a very special person. Do you know where them lives?” “Even if your 'them' is probably a very appropriate term, based on the information we've got, I think - but I would never want to be pinned down to that, Nan is very clever in terms and wording - it's a man. But those are only the tiniest notions that I have there and further I believe - and with this, too, I could be completely led down the garden path - that _he_ , as I refer to _him_ , is Canadian, not born but immigrated from England, the north of England, to be precise.. It's a bit of a mystery murder puzzle. Collect the tiniest clues and put them together to form a picture. ”

"Little one, you're totally head over heels!" Thor laughed at his little brother. Loki stopped, took a sip of wine. "And how are you getting this insight?" "Well, how many hours have you invested in picking up your mysterious conversations and putting them into context providing facts? How do you get to 'residential Canadian, but from England, no! - from _northern_ England' after a month of literature quotes?” Loki raised his shoulder, even blushing slightly. Thor was delighted to notice. "Oh, you know, reading between the lines, I've always mastered that perfectly. Besides, we've been writing for months!” “Does he like you too?” Loki's smile grew a little shy and embarrassed. “He recently started addressing me with 'Lauf'. What sounds similar to... ", he lowered his eyes. " _Love_.”, his older brother interrupted him, beaming. Loki giggled (That was something you really barely ever heard from him). "Yes, so you're thinking think around those lines, too?" Thor didn't give an answer, just put his glass down to hug his brother, the one of them who was closest to his heart ...

*

" _Well, Lauf, is Arizona's sun as relentless this time of year, as one always hears?_ "

" _Arizona's sun is about as merciful as a Carpathian war lord, but not comparable to the frosty nature of the nights here in the mountains._ "

" _Could you find time to read the article I attached to my last mail?_ "

" _Nan ... how important it is to you that I tell you how I think about it, you couldn't hide. Of course I took the time. The article is full of linguistic tricks and twisted wording to distract from the fact that the author doesn't know what he is talking about. The same people who do not condemn the romance behind a love story with notes in a bottle are those who today - in a digital world - doubt that deep feelings can be expressed in the written word, and only because the said written words are sent electronically and not by carrier pigeon, seriously?_ "

" _I've been convinced that you see it as I do."_

" _And that would be?_ "

" _I've had the most meaningful conversations in my life electronically, up to today._ "

" _In your life? In your whole life? So the possibility of communicating in this way has been present and common to you throughout life?_ "

Loki hesitated to send this last message. Was it too demanding? Too curious? Would he offend Nan with his plumpness? He automatically tapped the 'Send' button. The answer was a long time coming. Loki got a little nervous ...

" _Lauf ... Oh, Lauf, you disappoint me. As if you, like me, couldn't read from our contemporary or pop-cultural remarks exactly in what age group we are ... Why don't you just ask?_ "

Loki lowered the StarkPad and stared indecisively at the wall. He was pretty sure about Nan to be in his mid-30s, plus or minus three years, between 32 and 39. He wrote:

" _Age is just a number._ "

" _Oh, Laufeyson, hopefully you don't want to tell me that you are in an age spectrum similar to your mythical alter ego?_ "

" _My mythical alter ego could easily outsmart you on that ..._ "

" _In contrast to you? You can do that too, my dear Lauf ..._ "

" _But I don't: I am 29._ "

_"Oh! I was wrong for two years, damn._ ”

" _Looks like I can't trick you as easily as my alter ego._ "

" _And do you want to?_ ”

Loki hesitated to answer again. The fact Thor had detected earlier what he had been feeling for some time had unsettled him. What if his feelings weren't welcome? What if he carelessly destroyed a wonderful friendship and relationship of camaraderie? Darn. Was almost everyone in this crazy family condemned to feel this fear and have to weigh it up? Shouldn't at least one of them break this circle? What if he was himself? _Could_ he? The answer came from his automatically typing fingers ...

" _I do not want to. I've fallen in love with you._ "

He looked incredulously at the words he had sent. Nan's answer was a painful eternity to wait for (it was only 20 or 30 seconds, but the sense of time can be very subjective).

" _Lauf ... Although from hundreds of words - oh what, thousands! - which you have sent me, I can choose, all wonderful and unique and meaningful ... Well, nevertheless I was able to choose my most loved ones among them without any further thought ... I hope you can do so the other way round: I love you._ "

Loki's mouth went dry. Shivering, he tapped the StarkPad, feeling that he had to correct three little words a hundred times.

" _This is big._ "

" _Yes and no. It is big, but it is also right. Don't you agree with me?_ "

" _It feels right._ "

" _Yes, dear, it does._ "

Loki was sweating, rubbing his hands dry on his pajama bottoms. Was all of this true?

" _What is happening now?_ "

" _Nothing you don't want will happen. Loving means giving or letting go. Which whatever the person you love desires._ "

What _did_ Loki want? He wished he could keep this with Nan as it was. It was good and he enjoyed it to no end. But was it making him truely happy too? If they _could_ return to the point (which they surely would not be able to) where they hadn't yet confessed their feelings to each other, would he _want_ to? _No._ He wanted _more._ Again he typed almost automatically.

" _I want this. I want to give and I want you to give and I don't want - I can't - let go. I would never meet someone like you again, I am convinced. You're right. This is right._ "

" _My Laufeyson, my Lauf! You're making me a very happy man. My name is William. And I hope you've wanted to know._ "

" _My dear William, I'm happy too. But it also scares me._ "

" _I am there for you, however you wish. Our conversations are my deepest joy! I can have that and be satisfied with it - for quite a while. Do not worry. We will find a way._ "

Loki smiled, a tear made its way down his cheek ...

" _My name is Loki._ "

" _Loki ... It's beautiful! This is a lot - for both of us. Let's take a little time, don't you think so, too? We have to process this a bit. But I'm happy and relieved. I've wanted to tell you this for quite some time and will do it again before we say goodbye: I love you ... Loki._ "

" _And I love you, Will. See you soon!_ "

" _P.S. I like 'Will'._ "

Loki lay awake for a long time, staring at the ceiling, enjoying the butterflies in his stomach. Nan - William, no - _Will!_ \- loved him too!

William Harrington, 36, a university linguistics professor and fervent theater enthusiast, gently closed his laptop in Winnipeg, Canada. _Loki_... He couldn't say for certain whether the lover from the private chat room wanted Will to know this by now. But it was obvious that he couldn't hide it from him so he maybe actually didn't care ... The man who annually has won the New York Drama Critics' Circle Award for some years now, his name was Loki... He hesitantly opened his laptop and with a slightly bad conscience he googled 'Loki Stark'. One of the first photos that popped up showed a serious-looking young man with sparkling intelligence in his eyes and a certain self-irony written on his face in conversation with a well-known Broadway star at a premiere party. William Harrington touched the screen carefully - almost tenderly.

The expressive features of the black-haired man stimulated his imagination. How would he - Loki - look when he smiled, smiled honestly, or when he ... Will sighed, went out of the picture search and checked briefly what he already knew: the New York theater star director was 29 years old. He decided to snuggle up in his bed, read some of their chats again, and would think about this latest development the next day ...

By the way, Loki was convinced Nan - Will! - now knew exactly who had been his chat partner for months. It didn't bother him in the least ...


	113. A not so uncomfortable conversation

**A not _so_ uncomfortable conversation**

Bucky's wakanda vacation was a little over three weeks ago. They did him good. His therapist had given him homework for the time. Back in New York, of course, he immediately visited Morgan. He had Wakandan jewelry and hand-carved wooden animals for her. He gave Steve a beautifully painted traditionell wooden shield. When he asked Bucky for a 'date', he agreed and over dinner in a cozy restaurant, he told him all about Wakanda: of Shuri's parents - charming people, of M'Baku - scary man, he was an excellent match for Shuri, the two gave each other nothing - and of the beautiful landscape, the nice people, the progressive politics and technology. A thriving country.

Steve was hanging on his lips - also because he was really interested - but mainly because you could see that he was better, better than he had been in a long time! The wrinkle between his eyebrows had faded away and there was no trace of the bitter expression around his mouth. His back was straight and no longer looked like he was carrying an enormous weight on his shoulders. For his part, Steve told a little about what each of the New York family had been doing for the past few weeks, and asked Bucky for advice on his job offer. Because when the holidays in the kindergarten Morgan was supposed to go to were over, they would get her used to go there and when school started, Steve had to make decisions.

He had to decide whether to top up his hourly contingent, whether he wanted to take on the headmaster post and - ultimately, definitely something they had to decide together - how they intended to organize Morgan's care outside of kindergarten hours. Bucky was ready to discuss this. It was, after all, something really concerning him. He hadn't yet looked for an apartment. This was often the subject in his therapy session. Mrs. Harper said to his face that this was something he didn't want. Mr Barnes didn't admit so, but he didn't deny either.

"Her kindergarten time will level off from eight to 4.30pm. I can probably start duty late two days a week so I can get her there beforehand. On these days, however, if I decide to have the full contingent, I won't be home until around six. The other three days I will be on duty from eight to three. I can finally do the preparation and follow-up work at home.” “And do you want to fill a full contingent?” “It depends on whether I want to be the headmaster." Bucky looked at Steve in silence for a little while and then gave himself a jerk: "You _want_ to be headmaster.” “How convinced you are though I haven't got very far with this consideration myself.” Steve laughed. "Have you finished? I think our table is needed.” The change of subject was abrupt. But Bucky was right. A small crowd of waiting guests were in the foyer.

Steve sighed suppressed. "Yeah, let's go," he waved to the waitress.” “Let's go for a walk, Steve. The night is quite mild,” Bucky surprised him. Steve was happy, he had already thought the date was over. “Separated or together, sirs?" Steve could count on two hands how often he had been allowed to answer this question with 'together'. And again Bucky surprised him when he gave the waitress his most charming smile and a small wink (which sweetened her shift): “He's invited me. I hope I don't lose him to the scullery for the rest of the evening.” Steve got the bill shoved roughly in his direction, the waitress wasn't aiming well because she was still looking at Bucky, who didn't notice. He looked at Steve. Grinning, he took the note from her hand and silently formed the word 'jerk'.

The night _was_ mild and they were only a few blocks from the promenade. Strolling there was always nice in summer, so they went in that direction. "And, have you gotten to clarify something in Wakanda the way you were going to?" "Yes, Stevie. We had a lot of good conversations and Shuri convinced me a deep friendship can survive a break and I don't feel so guilty towards her anymore. It was good I was there. I don't think I could have waited much longer - maybe then it wouldn't have been possible to repair. We were able to renew our friendship.” “This ... oh Bucky, I'm happy for you - for the two of you!” “I know. Thanks anyway.” “And that about a break applies also for …" Bucky interrupted him quickly: "You _want_ to be headmaster, don't you?" Steve respected his retreat and replied: "You are obviously convinced of it."

Bucky laughed softly. "Come on, I'm showing you something." Curious, Steve let himself drag along a bit, enjoyed Bucky's warm fingers around his wrist and soon they were standing in front of an empty harbor basin. "What is there to see?" He wondered. Bucky checked his watch. "Wait a minute!" At half past nine, soft music appeared over the pool and slowly a 3D projection formed above the water. It was an advertisement for a revival of the old movie 'The Lion King'. Now Steve recognized the soft music, too. He whispered, "Why are you showing me this?" "They are celebrating the 40th birthday of our favorite movie in Quad Cinema the whole year. I just wanted to make you happy, Stevie." They turned to each other: "I _am_ happy.” “I know.” “Would you like to go see a screening? With Morgan ... and with me?” “I would very much like to."

A full minute passed while they looked each other in the eye. Bucky's fingers were still warmly embraced around Steve's wrist. Steve gasped a breathless, "Th-thanks." "You're welcome." Steve's eyes went to Bucky's mouth, but he pulled himself away from the sight of his full lips, didn't want to spoil anything, and asked: "Why do you think I should take the offer? Accept it? I mean, it is time-consuming and with Morgan and ... you know, her care will depend a lot on you if ... ", his speech died. "You no longer have to be considerate of me, Steve. You can hire a nanny.” “We agreed on not having a nanny because ... But I _want_ to be considerate of you! Morgan is _our_ daughter and you ...” “I have no problem looking after Morgan. Whenever necessary.” “I can't ask you to do this. You setting up your life according to my schedule."

"You're right. You cannot ask for it. But actually you _can._ ” Steve didn't understand looking at him confused. Bucky took a deep breath: “Steve, you've spent the past few years on my road map: my feelings, my pride, and my pursuit of independence. Maybe it's your turn now, don't you think so? It's an important step in your career and it oughtn't depend on me, alright?” “Why do you always talk to me in a so complicated way?” Steve sounded strangely desperate. Bucky laughed: "You are an English teacher who's getting Henry James. Where's the problem?” “I don't love Henry James and I don't care if I'm hurting him.” Bucky's features softened. "Oh, Stevie ..." He pushed him to a bench to sit down with him.

"Throughout your life you've wanted to make a difference, _be_ someone. You took a lot out from yourself by deciding to become a teacher. You could have gone far in politics, everyone who knows you is convinced, most of all me. But you've found joy and little spectacular happiness in being with _real_ people. Your students love you, your colleagues appreciate you. You achieve so much with it and the fruits of your labor will always be harvested by other People. And still: You always give everything, your best and you're doing an awesome job. Now you have the chance to gain recognition and power to act. As a school principal, you can do reactionary - almost revolutionary things!" Steve chuckled: "I haven't known that schools' principals had so much in common with dictators.” “Not you. You are the last person to _not_ use this position for the benefits of the society. You have to do this, Steve, accept the offer!"

"But ... how do you - you and Morgan - fit in there?" “If you need someone for Morgan I'm there and I'm always there for Morgan anyway, don't you know?” “Yes, silly, of course I know. But Barnes' Motor Barn, _your_ working hours ... you also have to stick to schedules” "Barnes' Motor Barn is my own business, don't you think it should go a little bit my way?" "But ..", Bucky interrupted him. "Stop it with _but, but, but ..._ I've promised you." Steve frowned. "Spare me with your worried, slightly disapproving look. I've sworn to you to always support you, to work with you on your goals and to help you with whatever you wish for. To be by your side.” Steve was briefly speechless.

"Bucky, th-that ...", he didn't speak any further. "It is from my wedding vow, yes I know. It may seem inappropriate to you _now_ , but ... well, I was serious about it at the time." Since Steve still didn't know what to say, Bucky got up with a sigh, pulled him up and asked: "Take me home like a decent gentleman?” “Wh-at?” “Take your time to process this. You don't have to say anything about it now.” “Do you want to go home already?” Steve asked sadly. It wasn't even ten. "Well, I've put it wrong. I don't really want you to be a _decent_ gentleman. After all, this is our first real date and it is not appropriate. But what I actually wanted to ask: are you going to take me home so I can take you to bed? _My bed_.” Steve was completely at loss. Bucky giggled, "I've not considered a no from you, honestly." He was now waking up from his rigidity. The stormy kiss Steve gave him was an answer enough ... (…)

*

Steve reluctantly peeled himself out of Bucky's embrace. "Where are you going at this late an hour?" He murmured drowsily. "Um, I've thought I'm about to go, I've promised to pick up Morgan early, we want to spend the day on the beach." "I'm setting an alarm." Steve straightened up in surprise. Due to the defective blinds on Bucky's small bedroom window, a little light was able to penetrate the room. He could see his husband was looking at him, his eyes shimmering. "Y-you mean ...?" "If you like to?" "Will it not be strange or embarrassing in the morning? When I go out in the bright day, I mean.” “When do you have to go?” “I pick up Morgan at half past eight, but I have to pack all the beach stuff first.” “Setting the alarm to six. And nothing's gonna get embarrassing. I'm sure I won't get up with you at six on a Sunday.” Steve chuckled. "I like to stay."

Shortly before Steve fell asleep again, Bucky whispered: "I would like to go to the beach, too, and would like to join you. Of course, only if you don't mind.” “I don't mind, you jerk. I'm even putting sunscreen on your back.” “Those sacrifices you make. Hats off, Stevie. Let me know where you are at ten.” Steve pressed his lips to his shoulder, where he had let his head sink contentedly. "Good night." "M-hm ..."

[When Steve tiptoed to the apartment door at ten past six, Alpine was sitting on the small chest of drawers next to it. She looked like she was guarding Bucky's 'key bowl', which also contained Steve's keys. "Come on, kitty, remember your vacation with me. I've bought you salmon.” Alpine was in a bad mood. Not only had she not been allowed to sleep in bed with her human ( _with mountain of meat_ in there would hardly have been enough space for her anyway), and the door to 'her' bedroom had been closed all night. Her human had quickly pushed her cat bed out with his foot when he had stumbled into their home the night before, embroiled in a kind of wrestling match with _mountain of meat_ , before he (or _mountain man_ , who could knew) kicked the door (All of their hands were busy with pulling on their weird, non-stuck fur.). The cat pierced her sapphire blue eyes into Steve's, but her bad mood was not against him what she found, so she hunched over, released the key bowl, leaped to the floor, and purred, circling around Steve's ankles two or three times before disappearing through the crack in the bedroom door that Steve had left slightly open. He had to smile when he heard her loud piercing meow and an unintelligible hum from Bucky while leaving. Guess he _won't_ sleep in ...]

*

"Daddy!" Morgan lunged at him with a howl of joy as he spotted the two of them in the crowd coming to them. He lifted her with momentum and hugged her, her sandy arms nestled around his neck. "I fail to see this at all, princess, that you are lounging on the beach and I am sitting at home suffering in tribulation. I want to have some fun too!” He pressed his nose down her neck and snorted until the girl screamed with laughter. He looked past her curls at Steve, his eyebrows raised. He got Bucky's unspoken question right and called. "Surprise, angel!" The silent 'punk' on his lips sounded as tender as ever in Steve's imagination. But his imagination might not be playing tricks on him. Bucky's gace at him was rather fond.

Morgan fidgeted a little, she wanted to go on digging her hole and when he put her down the little girl called out: "Nice surprise, daddy!", before picking up her shovel again. Bucky sat down on the large family beach towel and looked doubtfully at the sky. “I can almost hear my skin cells sizzling on my nose. Give me the sunblock.” He could smell Morgan was carefully applied with sunscreen, and he knew Steve would never forget. The three of them got down to digging the largest hole in the universe. When it was deep enough so Morgan could stand in it, she was satisfied and wanted to go in the water. The small family raged there for a while before Bucky decided it was enough to avoid Morgan's lips turning blue. “No. I still want to swim. Blue lips is nothing. Is like a sea woman!" “Morgan, do you see the sign over there? ", Bucky pointed to the board with the beach rules and spoke in a serious voice: "There are all the rules. And it also says the ice cream man is not allowed to sell ice cream to anyone with blue lips.” “Stupid rule.” “Yes, I know, sweetness, but rule is rule.” He managed to look very regrettable and compassionate. Steve had to resist a wide grin.

Morgan thought for a moment and then decided to have ice cream now and go swimming again later. Immediately put into action, Steve went on to organize ice cream for himself and Morgan and iced coffee for Bucky, while his husband thoroughly toweled and applied sunscreen to Morgan again. After the delicious treats, the little girl snuggled into the beach tent with some picture books, where she soon nodded off a little. Days on the beach were exhausting.

"I'm glad you've come." "Although you haven't believe so. I am also happy to have come.” “B-because of last night ...” “Oh, about that I've wanted to tell you something. But since you usually say this on the farewell of a date and I was fast asleep through your departure, I tell you now: It was a very nice date. I would like to repeat it.” “Thank you. I think so too and I also would like to repeat it.” “At the garden party at the Shermans, Tori offered she would babysit Morgan. She's been doing this for some years now, babysitting, and she's very conscientious, as Elaine assured me. If you agree, I'll take Morgan with me the next time I visit the family so they can get to know each other properly.” “Of course I agree. Very nice of Tori - well, she's always had a soft spot for you.” Steve winked. Bucky sighed: "This is over. Tori takes $ 22 an hour. This family is ruining me financially.” Steve had to laugh. “Thanks, by the way, for letting my pissed cat in the bedroom. I've had a blast with sleeping in.” Steve looked at him in an awe. And so in love...

Bucky dropped onto his back pushing his sunglasses back from his head to his nose. Steve saw his jaw muscles were a little tense, one twitched now and then. He gave him time. Bucky seemed to have something on his mind. "No comment on how loud I'm thinking, Stevie?" Of course, he had noticed he was being watched. Steve snorted: "You will never hear me say this stupid words." Bucky chuckled. "Nah, of course not, is against your author's code, I guess. As a history book author, you must certainly not use words and phrases that are less than 150 years old.” “Jerk. Stop teasing me.” Bucky pushed the sunglasses up a bit. Steve's pout was only acted and the amused sparkle in Bucky's eyes that hadn't been seen for a long time, conjured up butterflies in his stomach. Bucky was _gorgeous_ ... he sighed.

"I want to tell you something, Steve." The sunglasses were back where they belonged, which Steve somehow told he had a little bit of protection from them - not just against the sun. "Shoot!" "Mrs. Harper gave me homework for my Wakanda vacation and you already know from one of our first encounters I am a good boy always doing my homework." Steve's mind went back to summer camp and Bucky's school essay (diary). But he quickly focused on his words again. This was certainly significant. Bucky had never told him about his therapy before! “One of the tasks was to write a letter. No email, a handwritten letter. As you can imagine, I was not very enthusiastic. But on the one night I spent in a hut with the herders, I devoted myself to this Herculean task. It seemed appropriate to me to do it there and not in the luxurious suite Shuri put me in in the palace. Now listen and be amazed! I wrote ten pages in full - front and back. With hand. On paper. I needed a bandage the next day. But it was worth it. Mrs Harper gave me a sticker.” Steve laughed. When Bucky stopped talking, he asked:

"Who was the letter to?" Bucky sighed heavily and took a deep breath: "To my parents." Steve was speechless for a little while. "Have you send it off?" "No, I burned it." Steve stared at him, he was smiling at the memory. "I got a sticker for this too. The letter was addressed to my parents, but it was for me and for my healing process it was not intended to be sent off. Of course that was up to me, but I made the right decision, says Mrs. H., and then I've realized how much it freed me. And for this realization, I got a third sticker for a one single homework! Did you do this once? Three stickers for one homework? I do not think so. Tsas, pathetic for a nerd like you.” “You're getting stickers from a therapist who takes $ 300 an hour?” “Stevie, she wouldn't be paid those $ 300 if she didn't know what she was doing. Look, if you were to force people around me to describe me in three words, hardly anyone would leave ambitious, would they? ”

Steve thought for a moment and agreed. “I was like that at primary school - even in kindergarten. I've been like this since I can think. And an evidence I can touch, I can stick to my calendar if I want to, that is, evidence I have made progress and I have achieved something, is extremely motivating. Fortunately, I was allowed to choose the design myself. In my calendar there are no emojis with motivating speech bubbles, but simple neutral blue dots, about the size of a cent piece. I'm very proud of all of them, Steven.” “How many you've got already?” “Nine.” “You can be proud of yourself. I am too. Is it too personal to tell me what the letter said?” “Not that, but it's been almost 20 pages. It takes a while and Madam Secretary is already moving. If you want me to, I'm coming over tonight when Morgan is in bed.” Steve gave him a brief, unfathomable look. He knew Bucky didn't want Morgan to notice too much of their newly blooming closeness - he didn't think they should give a hasty picture and he was right.

Bucky misinterpreted his silence: "Excuse me, this was very pushy." "Don't be an ass, you're always welcome. I'll call you when she's asleep.” Morgan woke up at that moment and they happily played with her on the beach and in the water for quite a while. Steve went to the burger restaurant alone with her. _Yes, do not give a hasty picture_. He was really looking forward to the conversation in the evening! Bucky had sent him some rules: Not too many questions; he just wanted Steve to know all of this. No relationship talks. No sex in their house when Morgan was there ...

*

“Hi, she's still sleeping, isn't she?” “Like a log - it was a day at the beach! Please come in.” They kissed on the cheek and Bucky held out a bottle of wine to Steve. "Get the cooler and glasses. I've taken an Uber. T'isn't gonna be easy for me.” Steve nodded and got the Quick Cooler, developed by Tony and Peter in a mechanical-chemical cooperation. Without electricity and only through thermodynamic processes, a standard bottle of wine could be cooled down to 7 ° C in a few minutes. Steve and Bucky had been given the miraclulous thing, a chemical reaction, built into a feather-light but highly secure gold-titanium container, for their third wedding anniversary. They would never have thought they might not be celebrating a fourth that day six months ago…Steve set the coffee table in the living room and Bucky snuck upstairs to take a quick look in the nursery. He came back smiling. "I could hardly make her out among the cuddly toy hill. I've put a couple of them to the bed end. Otherwise she's suffocating overnight.” “And tomorrow she wants to see Toy Story again, convinced her stuffed animals've all moved there by themselves.” “Wonderful, isn't it” Steve nodded.

"Steve, I want to tell you about my stickers now, but first you have to know what I haven't earned yet. So it doesn't look like showing off or at least you don't notice me showing off.” He winks and starts to tell... The weekly sessions were exhausting for him and he got a lot out of it. It was clearly recognizable. He immediately got to his biggest issue. The one that was deeply rooted in him: the point at which Bucky's therapist was stuck with him. This darn, like innate guilt complex. Where it ultimately had came from was obvious, of course. Bucky had been told a little too often during his life or had been made to feel he was to blame for something: His mother having lost the expected most exciting years as an adolescent to marriage and motherhood. He was blamed for the fact his father was no longer respected in the army after his son, although honored and promoted early, decided against a military career and, of course, he was blamed for being gay … Her patient always feeling so guilty gave Amanda Harper a headache.

"I haven't gotten one single sticker for this yet and I'm a little pissed off. But what I'm good at again - praise my years of gay pride experience - is to stand by me. Stickers have been given for: not to be put off in my self-image by our marital crisis, not to be tempted to fall back into old patterns. That I have the courage not to let me lose the personality I have developed. Which I never want to be willing to bend again in life, whatever it costs me. That doesn't mean I would never be ready to change again in life - I'm not a stubborn 100-year-old - but I'm only willing to want and do this for myself. If Morgan thinks I'm hideous and embarrassing when she's a teenager, that might be a reason to want to - if _she_ had good reasons. Don't get me wrong. Saving our marriage _would_ be a good reason - your midlife crisis and your injured vanity were not.” Steve turned a little pink, but didn't interrupt. “Four stickers to stand by myself. Four.” He raised four fingers and they toasted to each other.

"Now about that letter ..." The one thing Amanda Harper had accomplished with Mr Barnes was the recognition and acceptance of a sad but unchangeable fact: no matter how much he worked, no matter how successful he was, and if Barnes' Motor Barn would become the largest repair shop in the country, with branches in every major city, and if he worked himself half-dead ... His father would never be able to accept his only child was gay. _Never ..._ And first in this letter he'd wanted to focus on this conflict, accuse his parents, ask them why they were never just happy about him being happy ...

"On Morgan's birthday, you asked me what I want most for her and I answered, I want her to be happy. It's simple, but it's still the only correct answer from a parent, isn't it?" Steve agreed: "I feel the same way. When we decided to be parents, I imagined the best and most glorious future: Us raising the next Mozart or Shakespeare, the new Marie Curie or maybe a world footballer, the first human being on Titan or the first Stark in the White House. Then we had Morgan and I just wanted her to be happy.” The look full of love he received for this warmed his heart and they smiled understandingly at each other for a while. Bucky continued: "Then I changed my mind. I started the letter by telling them everything that had made me happy as a child. How loved I felt when Dad raced around the sports field in the barracks with me on his shoulders or when Mom baked a cake with me. Those thousand little things making a childhood good and beautiful. "

He looked a little pensive into the distance. "Writing something down for my youth was more difficult: But then I thanked them for the great trust they have always placed in me. Do you know anyone who has been alone so often in high school - and who was also endowed with such generous sums of money? I always thought this only to be self-interest on their part. But now I am aware of the great risk they always took with it. They would surely have been prosecuted if I had screwed up and just as they were always careful to save their faces, I can only explain they took me seriously, never treated me like a child and never hindered me in my personal development. Dad after all _could_ have been terrified I would have vicious gay parties in his house and let the neighbors blow us up. He wouldn't have risked this abomination for a few days in Vermont or Acapulco. They trusted me and thought I was a good person. Even though I'm gay. "

"You _are_ a good person!" Bucky only smiled wryly. “But then my letter got a bit ugly. About them not able to accept who and what I am. My puzzlement about my happiness not making them happy and the question why they are never proud of me, no matter what I achieve.” Bucky's voice trembled a bit, his eyes glittered suspiciously. Steve hesitated and then jerked. "May I hug you?" Bucky sniffed a little and snorted, "Thank God I don't have to ask you to." Steve held him for a while until he stopped crying.

"But ultimately I can't change them and if I write a hundred pages, can I?" He whispered against Steve's chest. He rubbed his back comfortingly. "No baby, you can't. I'm so sorry.” “And that's why I've decided to put a line under this and make my peace with them. I have burned the letter and will try to reconcile with them. Morgan has to know where her father comes from and I don't want her to try to figure it out on her own one day. I want to be by her side when she goes on the George and Winifred Barnes adventure.” Steve laughed softly. Bucky went no: "What can happen? They are how they are and they are, well, no picture book parents and no geniuses and no family people, but they are also not monsters I have to hide from my child. I will give back the trust they once put in me and dare this. I have a wonder weapon and will be victorious: Morgan is _adorable_.” Steve fully agreed and offered his support.

"Those were my other five stickers." "I'm proud of you." "Hm."

What he hadn't gotten stickers for was Mrs. Harper's fourth important therapy goal: to integrate Mr. Barnes more and more comfortably for him in his husband's family. She often took the conversation to that topic. The strange, tiny, still-present fear of his married family, as if he felt below their level. Sometimes she thought she had started something she had imagined and was about to back off. _Let sleeping dogs lie_. It would shatter her work ethic if she gave her patient new issues instead of actually treating some. But her gut feeling told her sooner or later she would achieve more. Bucky didn't tell Steve this 'sticker defeat', but he did what Amanda had suggested: Ask Steve if he would be willing to come to a couple therapy session once a month. Steve immediately agreed. Bucky ordered an Uber. He was done. He too had spent a day on the beach and had led an exhaustive conversation.

When he was in the bathroom briefly, Steve got something out of his messenger bag for school. He took Bucky to the door, there he took his hand and pressed something on the back of it. Bucky looked speechless at his hand for a few seconds. It was a sticker ... An emoji with a speech bubble. He raised his hand to his eyes. 'You've exceeded my expectations.' was to be read in the speech bubble. "Really now?" He snorted. Steve giggled. "You deserve it. For today _and_ last night.” “I can be glad you haven't asked me to lower my pants. Otherwise you punk would have stuck the thing on my dick.” “Too bad I couldn't think of it.” Bucky shook his head, smiling. "Good night, Stevie." "Good night." The kiss on his mouth was long and firm, with closed lips but emphatically. The Uber came and Bucky ran down the driveway. When he turned again, Steve gestured 'I love you'. Bucky knew the basics of sign language. Steve was actually pretty good at it. After all, he was a teacher and did regular training. Bucky tipped two fingers at his temple. 'Roger, soldier', this meant. It was almost as good as 'I love you, too', Steve thought ...

*

" _It's been a wonderful day and I thank you for your trust. And I'm really proud of you. You're doing great with therapy. I am glad you accepted this from me, thank you for it._ ”

" _I've also found the day beautiful. I don't want you to feel like I'm giving you the runaround... But you sure understand I have to be 100% certain before moving in again. We can't do this to Morgan: Me coming back to find I have to leave again. But: If I decide to do this, Stevie, then you can be sure: I mean it that way._ "

" _I understand all of this very well, Bucky, honestly, and only reason and a sense of responsibility are coming from you. You are the best father one could wish for their child and I am proud to be the father of your daughter._ ”

" _But actually you'd rather I wasn't quite that sensible and responsible, would you, Stevie?_ "

" _No and yes. ;-)_ "

" _Do you see? You've earned a little unreason with the nice date and the dinner invitation. And at least I have banished my cat from the bedroom for you._ "

" _Are you flirting with me?_ "

" _Looks like I'm actually pretty bad at it if you have to ask..._ "

" _So yes. That's nice._ "

" _And that's a shitty reaction to my flirting attempt._ "

_"I'm as good at it as you are._ "

" _We have to practice on this._ "

" _With the greatest pleasure!_ "

" _Your beach outfit is hot._ "

" _I like what you - don't - wear at night._ "

Bucky smiled. " _Smooth, Stevie, good night._ "

" _Wow, he's making himself scarce. Well, that's how dating works, I guess. Call me! ;-)_ "


	114. A Father with his Son...

**A Father with his Son...**

It was a 'workshop day'. One of the days when Tony and his youngest worked side by side on their projects in the workshop on Stark Manor. They both valued those days very much (and would sorely miss them once Peter was at MIT). Peter was just adding the chemical reaction catalyst to a BARF projector while Tony was calibrating the cold/heat applicators for a VR suit. The suit was the latest SI creation. A light overall, equipped with thousands of applicators that simulated pressure, heat and cold, as well as a few sensory triggers such as soft or hard, smooth or rough. His friends of course joked that Tony Stark was finally building a cybersex VR suit long last, but in fact it was a project for NASA. SI was supposed to make simulation suits to prepare astronauts for unforeseen environmental conditions. Bucky had almost pissed himself when they told him on Christmas last year. And now he didn't participate in any of this ... A pity.

"Mr Steven's text message on StarkPhone 1 and 6." Jarvis answered. That were the ones of Tony and Peter, so they could have it read to them. "Tell us!"

"Hey dad, hello little one!" Peter rolled his eyes. "You've wanted me to review the Quick Cooler from time to time. I used it yesterday and it still works fine. Good job, you nerds!” “The boy is getting more and more disrespectful over the years ...” Tony mumbled absently as he automatically exchanged a side bro fist with his son. Peter hesitated, but then blurted out: "Do you think Steve used the cooler alone?" He continued to work efficiently and with concentration. It was something he could do as well as his father: Auto-piloting. "Well, maybe he didn't have the whole bottle." "Steve's never having a drink on his own." Tony was amazed about Peter's insight. He thought so too. Steve was not a person who indulged himself in the evening, poured himself a glass of wine putting his feet up. But Peter being aware of this too was new to him. The boy grew up ... He sighed.

"Maybe he had parents from Morgan's playgroup visiting." Tony slipped off with the high-precision tweezers and swore under his breath. "Let me do it, dad, my hands are smaller." They switched places. Tony dripped a chemical into the BARF projector tank at the specified intervals, while Peter used tweezers to do the tricky puzzle work. "Maybe someone special was with him." Tony took a careful, inaudible breath. "This special co-worker maybe." "Have you got it?" "Yep. How full is the tank?” “Two thirds. I don't think so, Pete. This woman means nothing to Steve.” “You have to expand the access tunnels for the applicators a little. Not everyone's got hands as small as me. But why has this all happened then?” “Good suggestion. Jarvis! Make a note.” “Very well, sir.” “It's happened, Pete, because sometimes fate simply isn't doing good to people. Us Starks have largely been spared so far, so much so it's almost scary, but now it's 'caught' one of us. Tank is full.” “Good job, Dad, close the valve. Steve suffers a lot, doesn't he? "

"Valve is closed. The next step in the suit is a test run. Steve is strong and a fighter. Everything will be fall into place again. He'll come out safe and sane, don't worry, Underoos.” “Jarvis! Start the test run of GoingtofreakingTitan 1.5. And what about Bucky?” “Very well, Mr. Peter. Start test run GoingtofreakingTitan 1.5.“ Peter had the same command over Jarvis in the workshop as his father. The A.I. was never sarcastic to him though. Jarvis was very much like his creator. "Bucky is also very strong, Pete." "Why isn't he talking to us anymore? Give me the 0.2 mm Allen key.” Tony handed him the desired tool and watched appreciatively as Peter used the tiny tool to tighten even smaller screw nuts. "Bucky grew up very differently from you and your brothers. He had to hide thoughts and feelings from his environment early on. Check the calibration process on monitor 3.” Peter went to monitor 3, studying it carefully and typed something into the protocol tablet. “The calibration data looks very good. But why is he even not talking to us?” _Shit…_ Tony thought.

"Keep the data in mind. I don't know, little one.” His father was allowed to call him 'little one'. They were exactly the same size.) “Still looking good. Deviations in the nano range can be ignored, I think. I miss him.” “Jarvis! Document deviations in the calibration process and send them to StarkPhone 1 and StarkPhone 6! I know Pete. All of us are missing him.” “Very well, sir.” “But Dad! Aren't we missing to him at all?” _Oh-oh, Stark, you have to unpack the genius!_

"Peter, son, I'm sure he misses us as much as we miss him. But Bucky needs that time for himself. He has to find himself and define his place in the world. We have to respect this.” “But ... He is alone and if he's now ... we have to prevent him ... If he's realizing he doesn't want us anymore, he doesn't need us anymore, doesn't want Steve anymore ...” Peter couldn't go on. It would break his strong oldest brother's heart. Peter was very attached to Steve and the thought painfully pulled his own heart together. And Tony's heart was threatened too. Peter was devastated and his father longed for Bucky to be the 18 year old again so he could give him a piece of his mind... But Tony also suspected - almost knew - that for whatever reason his son-in-law didn't know, didn't believe what he meant to all of them. Major and Mrs Barnes were the biggest losers in the game 'who're the best parents?' he had ever met in life … “Bucky had always been a bit of a loner – ever since. Had been like that as a kid and after in high school. He wasn't raised and taught to trust people like you and your brothers have been.” Peter looked devastated after this statement. “Poor Bucky...”

Tony hugged his youngest child in silence. He just held him for a little while and when he spoke in a low voice again, Peter was much more relaxed. "Have confidence. Your brother and his husband _do_ love each other. And they love Morgan. Ultimately, both of them will do whatever it takes to hold on to it. We cannot predict how long it will take, but - and you have to believe and hold on to it - they will do so. Nothing can separate them, not in the long run. Try to believe in them. And don't blame Bucky, although as if I wouldn't feel like giving him a headbutt. But it is what it is: Steve hurt him very much and I think Bucky's withdrawal from all of us is an expression of tact and consideration and probably also a portion of self-protection. He loves us and he certainly suffers and we are definitely missing to him. We're currently working for NASA! He's going to kick his own ass pretty much for missing all of this, isn't he?” Peter chuckled. His father had perfected the right mix of seriousness and humor again. Well, he _was_ a genius ...

"Now go and put on the suit for the test run. What am I glad that I now have you for the lab rat experiments.” “Thank you, Dad.”, Peter answered simply - for _everything_ before grabbing the suit and going to the back to change. He _had_ helped his youngest. He _was_ a genius. Peter came out of the workshop washroom a minute later. "Dad, the jumpsuit looks stupid considering it being for NASA." Peter was right. But it was a prototype. Functionality before design - at least for quite a while. "How does it to be worn?" "It's light. Pleasant material, a little too tight-fitting. Some people will feel uncomfortable because of not liking this that much.” “They are not meant to be worn with nothing over it. And it must be clear to everyone the applicators have be on the skin.” “Well, people who work for NASA are sure to be clear. But do you really want to withhold this technology from the general public?” Of course, Peter, who had the body of an Olympic gymnast, looked great in it.

“This suit has so far cost a whopping $ 770,000 in development and material - without any design. They will hardly find their way into consumer electronics. I do not follow a handful of billionaires to buy them for sex games, which would be called 'not withhold them from the general public'. They are a project assignment for research. If you want to have one to play with, build one yourself.” Peter laughed at him. "What for are you so grumpy today, Dad?" "Crumpy old Grandpa, please, don't jump the gun." "Send some effects to the suit. It's a test run. I haven't even thought about the entertainment industry. They can have their cybersex robots built by others,” Peter smirked. "Jarvis! Create protocol for manned test run 1.0 of GoingtofreakingTitan 1.5, go! What've you been thinking of?” Tony entered commands into StarkPad 1. "Very well, sir. Starting protocol.” “Getting warm in here. There has to be something in it for medical purposes!” “Is it getting warmer somewhere than on the rest of your body? Medical purposes? A high-tech EKG would be conceivable, I think.” “Left shoulder is a bit warmer than the rest. I was thinking more about psychotherapy." Tony entered further commands. "Do you feel a tingling somewhere? Psychotherapy? Shoot.” “There's a tingling sensation on the right side at the level of the second to last rib. Not sure though, could also be a delusion. You could use it to treat phobias."

"Focus on the tingling, tell me when it's getting more insistent. In the meantime, another effect is added elsewhere, stay alert. So phobia therapy? There are not many common phobias that are triggered by the sense of touch alone.” “Of course you could ... - there is the tingling sensation, well to sense now! - Include BARF technology. If someone is afraid of - let's say - fire, the optics alone are often not enough ... Hey! Did you just give me an electric shock in the back of my knee? - the right one, Jarvis! What I've meant to tell you: BARF provides the scenario and ... - Dad, can you stop the tingling please, I'm just testing the technology and I'm not an astronaut who has to practice on enduring it.” His father giggled, but gave in. "I got it, BARF and Goingtofreakingtitan together. It would be worth thinking about a little more. Can you feel something?” “Argh! Is something crawling up my leg?” “Which leg?” “Left one!” “Either that or the order worked.” His father's voice was very satisfied. They tested a few more effects, with mixed results. There was still a lot of work ahead of them. Test run 1.0 inevitably resulted in this with all projects ...

Another project that was already in test run 4.1 was supposed to improve an anti-tracking app. That was little exciting programming work with a few funnier tests where Tony took photos and videos of Peter to see if the app reliably recognized him to prevent internet access. It was primarily intended to ensure stupid party pictures and videos could not doom young people when looking for a job. For one evening Tony had experimented with it on the old improv theater scene with Steve and Bucky and was able to find a few tiny traces of it on the internet - and of course removed them ...

They chatted comfortably about Peter's classes at Community College. This semester he attended - in addition to 'creative writing for popular science', 'insurance and damage statistics', 'Esperanto and other artificial languages' as well as 'video editing and live vlogging' and 'carpentry and woodwork'. All in all, he had a blast at Community College. "I am very happy you are taking this break from ambition, boy. Enjoy youth and adolescence.” “You talking to me like Gandalf, the White - or rather like Grandpa, the Wise!" Peter laughed. "Rather Crumpy, the Aged,"Tony growled. "Nonsense. Nothing about you could ever be old or even 'aged'. What do you mean by 'break from ambition'?” “When you confessed to us you don't want to plunge head first into your engineering career, but rather want to make some other experiences beforehand, your mother and me were very pleased. Although we would have preferred to cut out your dessert for a year because you went to Bruce first.”

Peter rolled his eyes. He had, of course, also told them what made him hesitate to his parents and, as usual, only received goodwill and encouragement. "You know why." "And you know I'm always nagging. Tsas, and you're scolding yourself a genius!” “ _You_ are scolding me a genius.” “That anyway.” “So what is it now, my 'break from ambition'?” “There are only a few people in this family who dare to live life as it comes, to give up control and to be surprised. The prime example is Thor. The lucky man's been hardly plagued by future fears or of what was about to come or desperately looking for a plan B if the carefully thought-out plan A did not work.” “Have you? Or Mom?” “Ha, how good you're leaving this back door for me, it gives me a little time before I bare myself in front of you and scratch my hero status. I can be the greatest for you for some more minute, that's nice.” Peter laughed:

"You will always be the greatest for me!" "You only say so to keep me safe so I'm telling you an embarrassing story about me. But I have a choice, you've wanted to hear something about me _and_ Mom - let's start with her: How is it that we are all afraid of your mother?” “Dad! We are _not_ afraid of mom,” his son laughed. The look he got over the edge of stylish glasses made him startle. It meant something along the lines of: 'Wouldn't you rather rethink this before you're writing it down?' Peter thought for a moment. "But this is _not_ fear! We only don't want to disappoint her. Nothing is worse than her understanding disapproval! Is making you a four-year-old again, caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Literally!” Tony chuckled. "Well, that's a good metaphor. What do you think, why is that?” “It is because she is so perfect herself. She never forgets something important, she never puts her foot in and she never _not_ knows exactly what her next step has to be.” “Very good. 10 out of 10, Underoos.” They high-fived.

"And yet we are all afraid of her. Not as much as in earlier years, you grow by your fear - and by your tasks - but I can tell you when your brothers were teenagers - you were yet a baby - she ran the shop here with an iron fist." Peter giggled. His brothers have given him many stories of embarrassing hours under their mother's stern gaze. They would prefer to sunk into a deep hole when a 'conversation' was pending. Or why not emigrate straight away ... New Zealand sounded great - and was pretty far away. With the years and their growing up sons, Pepper Potts Stark was of course no longer so omnipotent with them all, but the will, the need to make her proud and not to disappoint, was rooted deeply in all them Stark boys - and their father. “And yet we all have such a good relationship with her. She's done a great job.” “The simple reason is this: it would have blown her if she'd asked something of you what she would not have asked of herself. And she would never have reprimanded you for a trait only because it was foreign to her."

"That's true. She's always been only angry with us when we haven't tried to do our best. If the best was a C in math, the C was also worthy of praise. And it was always important to her we didn't have to bend or give ourselves differently than we are.” “Your mother kept a tight schedule for many years and ticked it off on time. She was the most organized person you could imagine. It is now no more needed with a much easier life than it was then. But maybe she should have 20 years ago enjoyed this serenity and leisure that she is now enjoying. We can not change. But she was the number one person in this family who never took a break from ambition. She has always been ambitious to have everything under control and in order. She succeeded, no doubt, but you will understand what I mean.” Peter nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. Perhaps she should really have had the luxury of letting herself go a bit.”

"Do I have to tell you about myself now or can I go and make a fool outa someone else first? Steve maybe, this is gonna take a long time. Or Loki, it's very interesting from a psychological point of view.” “Dad, can we really talk like that behind their back?" Peter looked a bit guilty. "Believe me, everyone in the family does. You're only a bit further away from all of us in terms of age and that's why no one has taken you into this gossip circle yet, but trust me, that's a give and take. What do you think how Thor and Loki are speaking about us? I don't want to start with Steve and Bucky - when they've even shared a bed for many years! We all love each other and no one would say anything behind the other's back he couldn't say to his face.” “Well, I don't know!” Peter chuckled, "do you dare tell Mom you've told me more or less she was _fucking_ Napoleon when I was a baby?” “I've got no problem with that. Do I have to prove at dinner later?” Peter waved him off. He believed his father without.

"But let's take Loki instead of Steve. It's more exciting because he's so mysterious - and believe me, for many years your old man, even a genius, didn't have the slightest idea what was really going on in the boy. Your brother doesn't need a meticulous schedule – he _is_ one. His internal clock and the way his brain works ensure that every routine step in his life runs automatically.” Peter nodded, he knew this. Loki was highly functional autistic – with Asperger - and very little impaired by it. With his high IQ he's been able to adapt if he cared to do so. In his job he was a master at it, for example. Hardly anyone in his professional environment even knew about this peculiarity.

“Now it is the case that poor Loki, with the best will in the world, cannot take some time out, at least only very rarely. Being himself can in a heartbeat take everything from him he's worked hard for.” “Why are people like that? Why do they always expect everyone to be like them?” Peter was genuinely sad. It was inconceivable to him, who grew up with Loki and his sometimes somewhat disturbing nature, that he was rejected for something for which he could not do anything and, in addition, he tried hard not to hurt anyone's feelings by harming people. So he spared most of them with his real self. They all in the family loved him just the way he was. Was it too much to ask to let him take off his mask once in a while? When every other person has had the freedom to be who they are and often bothered Loki with it? With intimacy uncomfortable for the man or unwanted physical contact, such as shaking hands or patting his shoulder? No one asked how much they harmed Loki with it, while he had to ask himself almost every moment of his life whether he was bothering others with his condition...

"We can be happy for him he was born into a family like ours ...", Tony looked thoughtfully into the distance and Peter squeezed his forearm sympathetically. When he - as Loki's little brother - already felt with him, how had his parents to feel? And for years and years now at that ... "When have you known for sure? That he is autistic?” “ _Known?_ Probably already when he was five. Known _for sure?_ When he diagnosed himself very aptly at the age of 12. It was a relief. At last he could at least accept himself and look ahead. He wasn't crazy, he wasn't a psychopath. He is simply someone who ... is an exceptional person, with a peculiarity that distinguishes him from most other people, but with which he can learn to live and work. He _is_ happy - in his own way - we, your mother and I, are convinced of this. "

"Did you never want to know what's behind it? Get him examined when he was a child?” Tony sighed. “We had some lengthy arguments about this and fought with hard bandages. You can imagine how little comfortable your mom felt with the uncertainty.” Peter nodded. "But, and this is important: Loki always knew very well what he needs and what he wants and he communicated it very understandably. He didn't want to go to a psychology children's center and I knew it wouldn't help him a bit. Until he could draw his own conclusions, he was not ready to accept them and I was concerned going there would do him more harm than good. Loki was always fine after all! Of course he suffered from the pitfalls of growing up, but you all did! I have done so too, and so has Mom. He knew he was loved and he knew there were people who accepted him as he was. Loki has never cared much about 'people's opinions'. Our opinion was completely enough for him. In the end everything came together like a puzzle to create a picture of clarity and harmony. Everything's gone well. "

"How did you cajole mom to give in?" Except for Peter, none of his sons spoke to Tony so bluntly, he had to smile. "Oh, believe me, there was a time when I was very convincing." Peter laughed at his father's famous, self-ironic smile, everyone always and still has been won by with. He could vividly imagine how it would have affected his mother, when she was also in love with him ... "To convince Steve his little brother was not a danger to the world, national security and the reputation of the family was a much larger bite to take." Peter opened his eyes wide:

"Steve? The _very_ Steve who once went to Pride Day with Bucky in net shirts and leather hot pants and gave a flaming speech in exactly this outfit in front of the Republican Politburo? Who made it to the New York Times with the legendary sentence 'You homophobic farters of bible verses can kiss my ass - by the way, I was told this is not as bad as you might think, ask my boy-friend!'?” They shook with laughter at the memory.

The headline, with a photo of Steve in the most provocative outfit he'd ever worn in life (which even dwarfed Buckys because it didn't look as bizarre on him as on Steve's more than 200 pounds), had hung on Steve's and Bucky's fridge a couple of years. Since they were parents and sometimes other parents came to visit, the article had been in Bucky's bedside table. "Yes ..." Tony wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "Steve was an extremely stiff teen ... Always careful about what people were thinking and talking. But, you have to keep him in good stead: He always had Loki's well-being in mind. He just couldn't imagine someone couldn't wish to be a respectable person in the eyes of 'people'. Thor drove that out of him in their high school years, I would say. And later, of course, his LGBT lifestyle got him very carefree about people's opinion.” “ I get to know everything so late. For years no one tells me anything, because I'm still too young and now that I'm old enough, everyone thinks I should already know all of this. "

"What else do you want to know?" "Oh ... I can't think of anything right now. But it's really a little strange that everyone is so much older than me. It's hard to do some normal stuff: I don't think I can call my brother an asshole even if he _is_ an asshole, because he's already 33 and a teacher at my school! Or Thor, to whom one of the world's greatest women literally fell into his lap. I mean, being a teenager, you all over feel like you're an alien – I feel this even more than other teenagers. For example, it's not like anyone in this family can give me advice on love or dating.” Tony raised his eyebrows.

"Well, it's true! Everyone is such a late bloomer and you, what you did at my age, is not something I have in mind.” There it was again, the blunt way with which Peter - and only him - spoke to his father. A bit like Rhodey, only the boy didn't have his biting dry humor, he was too sunny for that. Tony laughed heartily. "Boy, I didn't do anything at your age! I was an extremely embarrassing, nerdy adolescent. To put it with your charming name: a late bloomer.!” “Yeah, playboy or that. Nothing inbetween." Tony had no intention of being subtle with his next question: "How is Miss Jones doing? Is she making progress with her plans to collect points for a scholarship through social engagement?” “Wow, Dad, it doesn't get any plumper, can it?” Peter laughed.

"Has it perhaps been any subtle, the way you've told through the metaphorical flower, the old chaps in your family cannot assist you in the needs of your tender age?" Peter laughed brightly. "Touché, old boy." "You're playing for your dessert." "MJ is wearing herself out. So is her mother. Mrs Jones desperately wants to stay in New York so her daughter has the best chance of completing prestigious volunteer and project work. She's doing three jobs and MJ two. In addition, she also works on numerous letters to newspaper editors, submissions to the congress and for voluntary work in the equality authority. I hardly see her anymore.” “This is sad. But the Jones' have a specific goal in mind and nothing in the world will stop them, don't you think so?” “I actually know this. I just wish ... ” The boy sighed heavily.

"Since you rarely see Miss Jones, well, I see her much less often. She is a remarkable girl and I am sure she would not make a light-hearted choice in love matters. However, she must be aware that she _has_ a choice, I think.” “Why do you actually speak of her as 'Miss Jones'? I can't remember you ever addressed one of Thor's or Steve's friends by their last name.” “An interesting question. During your graduation, when I congratulated her, I suddenly found it appropriate, even though you have been friends for years. Miss Jones - MJ - _is_ a remarkable young woman and she has a quiet serious dignity and calm pride. The way she stood in front of me in the gown of one of the most respected schools on the continent, with her graduation certificate in her hands - a document that was certainly much more valuable to her than yours for you - I couldn't simply blurt out 'All the best, MJ.'. Besides, she is not the first young woman with whom I took back the confidential 'you' from childhood. I have also addressed Loki's friend Nebula with 'Miss Titan' since she graduated. Neither woman offered me her given name anymore. "

"Why not, what do you think?" "Well, Miss Titan comes from a family that values convention, decency and formalities. I think she just thinks it's appropriate for adults to be formal when they're not close friends.” “And MJ?" Tony chuckled to himself. “I think I am chosen as the first goal of a once-well-known politician in the Committee on Business Ethics. I can imagine Miss Jones is convinced that a company cannot be as rich as Stark Industries and still act ethically. An understandable assumption. But she's gonna bite her teeth at SI.” Peter had blushed a little because he thought his father would take MJ's suspicions badly, but now laughed with relief. "She will. And it will piss her off quite a bit. She's so cute when she's mad.” “You'd better not tell her.” “I'm not tired of life! What have you meant by 'she has to know she has a choice'? ”

"I heard you and Ned talk about the fact there is a certain Brad Davis with whom you went to school. I can't imagine that many guys dare to throw their hats in Miss Jones' ring. Perhaps she ought not think - if someone does - such an opportunity does not arise a second time." Peter was a bright guy and mostly understood what his father wanted to tell him. "But Dad! How am I supposed to do this after so many years? We've been friends forever!” Tony sighed. History repeats itself. "You can think of something. Miss J. wouldn't be impressed if you wooed her using my words, would she?” “Yes, of course not. "

"Only one thing: don't offer to pay tuition," he said dryly. Peter laughed. He knew the crazy story, of course. "You won't have to visit me in a barrack hospital, Dad, don't worry. But honestly: How did Steve come up with the idea Bucky would accept this?” “He was desperate. Don't let it get that far. Think about something before you despair.” “Asking a girl like MJ if I can pay her tuition would be suicide - precisely because it is been tricky even with a burger.” “Smart guy. Come on, let's see if Mom's already waiting with dinner.” “I'm starving!” “There's no dessert for you." Teasing and joking, father and son climbed the basement stairs. "Why don't you try to contact Bucky one last time, Pete?" "What do you mean?" “To ask him for advice. After all, this is very different from offering your help or support. I think it's worth a try ...” “Even though Bucky was a dumbass too in this 'I love my best friend' thing." Tony laughed. "Probably true. But at least he can tell you how not to do it. What do you think? Maybe it's easier for you than with your brothers.” “I'm making my mind up..." But unfortunately he didn't dare to do so that soon ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for now schools are back open here around from tomorrow on, and I'm back in duty, I have to slow down my pace a bit. The story is written but has to be translated and edited - it is time-consuming. I guess, I'll end at a every third day schedule - but can't promise. 
> 
> Hope all of you, who enjoy this, will stay loyal to the adventures of the Stark family and their loved-ones.
> 
> One or antoher comment from possible lurkers would be nice and motivating. ;-)


	115. (Not so) Bitter Negotiations

**(Not so) Bitter Negotiations**

In early October, after a particularly nice date with a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride through Central Park, Bucky took Steve home, generously paid off Tori Sherman, went upstairs to check on Morgan, and when he came back down he simply asked Steve: "May I stay?” Steve looked at him in silence for a long time. "Do you mean ... you mean it, don't you?" "Stevie, I've promised you. When I'm doing this, I'm 100% serious.” Steve sobbed dryly, pulled Bucky into his arms and held onto him very tightly. He whispered into his soft hair: "Never again will I let you go ..."

Some weeks with regular dates and still very awkward flirting via WhatsApp were lying behind them. In addition, there were some very fruitful therapy sessions and very honest relationship conversations ... Bucky had accustomed Morgan in kindergarten with a lot of patience but also the necessary rigor consequence - Steve couldn't have done it - and the little one went there happily and cheerfully every day. She loved it!

Bucky and Steve were making love, losing themselves in each other that night and shortly before falling asleep Bucky whispered to his husband: "We will not go on like we've done before. We'll do better now.” “What do you mean?” “We'll discuss it tomorrow night. In the morning I would like to get to know my home again.” “I have not changed anything!” “But I have changed. I'm needing this, Steve."

Steve was in school until noon - he was still only doing half-time - and after Bucky had maintained all the technical equipment in the house (and found his father-in-law or brother-in-law had apparently taken care of it in his absence - everything was in perfect condition) he made them lunch. But Steve hadn't lied - he hadn't changed anything and Bucky shed some quiet tear this morning because everything was so familiar - so _at home_.

When Bucky went to the workshop after lunch, Steve literally clutched him at the door and whispered:

"Bring all your things with you later." "Steve, packing it takes forever. I actually want to gradually ...” “Please, baby, bring everything.", The urgent, pleading tone and the emotions Steve expressed, made him give in. "Well, I can break up an hour earlier. Will be late though.” He regretted. "The main thing is you'll come at all." "With all my things?" Bucky tried again to save a lot of work. "With all your things," Steve nodded firmly. He sighed. "Alright."

In the workshop, Bucky immediately told Ricky he would be going back home, back to Steve. Ricky, who knew how much Bucky had worked on himself - how much both of them had worked on themselves, had little concern. However, of course he still told Bucky during their coffee break, which was his duty in his eyes, because now he felt a few things in Bucky-James' life _were_ his business - and Bucky was exactly the same opinion. They _were_ friends. "Of course I know how well you thought about it and I'm happy. Because if you have decided to take this step, it is exactly the step you want to take. Because you finally want to be happy again and I want this, God knows, too. That you're happy.” Bucky smiled. "But?"

"You know me too well. Listen, my boy. Steve is a great man and you love each other and belong together. He's fought, hasn't given up, has regretted and admitted his mistakes - just like you. That's good. But: Steve has an inimitable way of pushing you into the deepest abyss whenever you are at the top.” Bucky lowered his eyes. That was true. The thing with Zemo, just when they had moved in their house and wanted to get married, that was a rather shitty timing. And this time? Just when Bucky couldn't have imagined a better life than that they lived with Morgan in their little house, just when everything had worked out perfectly and Bucky almost burst with pride every day - proud of how well he did and how happy Steve, their daughter and himself were, this mess had happened …

"You think I'm risking too much. Do you think it would be best to never be at the top again so that I can never fall so low again?” The younger man's anxious eyes were full of trust and he really seemed to appreciate his judgment on the matter. Ricky Sherman closed his eyes briefly. His friend and boss in his vulnerability touched his heart. _Will I ever meet his parents?_ Ricky wondered. _Maybe not. That would get ugly ..._ He put his hand on his forearm, gave an encouraging squeeze, and looked him straight in the eye. "No, I do not think so. I'm much more afraid you'll never allow yourself to be as happy as you can.” Bucky's eyebrows went together. "I mean the things that happened to you made you vigilant and hardened your heart. The human brain is a cruel organ. What if yours tricks on you to convince your heart to give and get in never again because it brought you so much suffering? "

"I ... think I don't understand." "Bucky. It's always better to have loved - loved passionately - and to suffer than not to love.” “I _do_ love Steve!” “The way you did before, the way you did the times when you were at the top?" Bucky swallowed . "You think I'm making a mistake." Ricky shook his head slowly and forcefully. "No, you're not making a mistake. Even if you didn't answer my question of whether you still love Steve like you once did ... You definitely seem ready to learn it again – to want it again.” “Yes! I do want this! I want it back. My god, we were so happy. I know we can be again!” Ricky nodded grimly satisfied. "Fine, then I'll withdraw my objection." "What?" Bucky laughed a little helplessly.

"I now know you don't want to do things by halves with that. Don't settle for 'could be better'. And that's good. Never settle for 'could be better'. Your husband is, after everything you've told me and about how I've estimated him, a damn stubborn fellow and you, my dear, are in no way inferior to him - though you go other ways to your goals - a little more subtle and charming and with a lot of wit.” Bucky laughed: "The way of a Disney princess?” “You've said so now, Cinderella." Ricky growled. "What were you going to get straight at?" "If two can do, it's you. You have my blessing, as little as it may be relevant.” Bucky smiled warmly at him. "But it is. Very much so. Thank you.” “You're welcome.” “I love you, Ricky." The older man was briefly speechless and then had to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. "You gay boys make it hard to be a tough bloke," he scolded. "You love me too," Bucky laughed. "Only if you aren't singing today."

Bucky _was_ late in the evening. Steve texted him a few times.

" _Baby, when are you finally coming?"_

" _Can take a while. I dragged in a lot of stuff._ "

" _But when now?_ "

" _I will definitely need an hour for it!_ "

60 minutes later:

" _What are you doing, why is it taking so long?_ "

" _I'm packing! Someone asked me to do so._ "

" _Hurry up!_ "

" _I'd be faster if you don't text all the time!_ "

" _I'm already gone._ "

20 minutes later:

" _Baby?"_

" _You're working my last nerve, I'm almost out the door!_ "

When Bucky unlocked the door shortly after ten, dropped some heavy travel bags in the hall, and freed Alpine from her basket - she ran up the stairs hissing - Steve came up and hugged him so tightly that he almost lost his breath . "Steve!" He protested. "Come on, I'm helping you unpack." "I'll do it tomorrow." "We can do it together right away." “I haven't put them there to pick them up again, alright?” “Well. Tomorrow then.” “Daddy?” Came a little voice from the living room. "Morgan is still awake?" Bucky marveled and followed the voice. "Daddy!" And Bucky got the second suffocating hug in a short time.

She wore her favorite NASA pajamas and now fidgeted in Bucky's arms. A cartoon about a panda family was shown on TV. Bucky put her on the floor and she pulled him to the couch. "Daddy, do you like fries too?" The little girl pulled some fries out of a greasy bag and held them out to Bucky. Steve leaned, looking guilty, in the door frame. Bucky looked at him above the child's head, his eyebrows drawn into a dangerous line.

"Steve! You let her watch TV at this time with feeding her fries?” “Morgan and I went to rack an ruin without you. With you, all of our discipline and conscience have moved out.” Steve smirked at him, contritely though. “Princess, the slovenly life is over. Our educational compass is back.” “Daddy is here!” Morgan beamed. Bucky ruffled her curls. "It's late, baby girl. How about brushing your teeth and then going to bed? "

"I watch panda.", She pushed out her little chin vigorously. Bucky crouched in front of her and looked at her with concern: "Panda has to go to sleep now too, it is already dark outside. You want Panda to have a good night's sleep and play again tomorrow, don't you?” “Panda oughta play!" “Then he has to get some sleep now. It is easier for him if you also go to sleep.” “Well, fine. I'm going to sleep.” Steve's eyes widened. "Bathroom first. What do good pandas do before going to bed?” “Brush teeth" "And who else does that?” “Daddy and Daddy and Peter and Grampa and Gramma.” “And who else?” “Morgan!” “Rightly so, and Morgan. What are you doing now, sweetie?” “Brushing my teeth.”

Bucky took her to the bathroom and, after her enthusiastically stirring with her toothbrush in her mouth, he scrubbed again all of her teeth thoroughly and brushed her wild curls. Steve was in the door frame and full of admiration. He had had many a dance himself with Morgan each night. That was why he had ordered fries for her. She had put on a stage-ready tantrum because he had thoughtlessly cut her sandwich into triangles instead of the squares she preferred and since he found there was no more turkey in the fridge, he called delivery. He had forgotten to get the turkey on the grocery shopping list. She hadn't eaten anything else for weeks. Together they took the already very tired little girl to bed and went back downstairs.

"There was no more turkey in the house. In addition, half of the fries were made from sweet potatoes!” Steve defended himself before Bucky said anything. "Yes, the half that is still in the bag. Why haven't you just put Gouda on her sandwich? I've gotten some this morning.” “Gouda? She would think I want to poison her!” Steve laughed. "Oh, she's not into it anymore? She still liked it on Thursday. Maybe it'll change again.” Steve blinked and his mouth was slightly open. "What is it, Steve?" "Morgan only requires turkey and doesn't touch anything else. For weeks now!” Bucky grinned. "Yes, with you." "That little rascal," Steve laughed, shaking his head.

"Grant her the little victory." "Are you doing so?" Steve asked a little forced. "What do you mean by that?" "Well, we sometimes get into arguments that I'm too compliant. Maybe you're right.” “I've been thinking a lot about it the recent months, among other stuff. And yes, I grant her your spoiling. And I grant you to do so. Pamper her a little. That's your way of showing love to each other.” “While you are keeping her on the ground and make sure her teeth are brushed properly and she's getting enough sleep.” “And has her vegetables and Gouda instead of turkey.” “And it doesn't bother her. With you it doesn't bother her at all.“, Steve wondered.

"This is my way of showing love. I let her feel how important her wellbeing is to me and she lets me take care of it.” ”So?” “So we, you and me, have found the happy medium as we intended to.” “We are a good team.” "The best." "Is that right, Bucky?" Steve asked quietly. Bucky looked at him giving a small smile. Aftre he nodded slowly. "Yes, Steve, that's right."

Steve took heart. "You've said we can talk about our future. Bucky, I love you. Let us make it a little easier for us - especially for you. We can get rid of the mortgages and loans for your workshop equipment, it would make it easier for us. We can hire a housekeeper and hire a reliable first-class babysitter when Tori goes to college. We _have_ got the money for all of this.” “ _You_ have got the money for all of this,” Bucky said.

Steve threw his arms up theatrically. "Here we are again!" "What the hell, Steven!" “For 15 years you've been avoiding each penny coming from me like the plague. You're getting all itchy and moody and prickly when I only want to take you to the movies! What can I actually do for being rich, Bucky, what in hell?” He cried out and swallowed heavily. "I mean ... you were in the same posh New York private school as I was, one of the most expensive ones in the whole country. When we were in senior, you had almost more clothes than Lady Gaga. You went on expensive vacations and had expensive hobbies, you ... _Gosh_ , Bucky, you are not exactly Oliver Twist! "

Bucky laughed at Steve's strange despair. "I hope you're laughing at yourself," he muttered. "And not even to start with this: ...", he continued, "we went to college together, you slaved away and worked like a horse, you were thrifty, you waived so many things, you developed your patent with which you're still making money. You have built an auto repair shop from scratch that has been in the black for some years and you will settle out this setback with the workshop accident in no time because you are simply incredible! You are a muttonhead if you think you are not independent, absolutely fantastic and completely able to do without my money.”

"Wow, Stevie, this been smoldering for a long time, has it?" Bucky smiled amused. "It has, you jerk." "So tell me, what do you want?" "Is it that easy suddenly?" “I'll tell you after." "Bucky, you've won the heart of a rich man. It was hard work with me, I'm aware, let's finally give you for it what you deserve. I want to pay back your loans and our mortgages. I really want this housekeeper and I want date nights, so we need a good babysitter.” “Not a bigger house?” Bucky teased him a little. "I _love_ our house, Bucky." He got warm with happiness. "Stevie ..." he sighed, "... yes. I agree. I want all of that too.” “Are you sure for real?” “Let's squander your money, baby!"

With that they got hot and bothered and passionate and much later Steve whispered weakly: "Sleep in tomorrow, I've got a day off." "I love you …"

*

The first thing they got themselves was a property with a solid shack on a lake in Middlesex County, New Jersey. Janet Hollister was delighted when they hired her - with no budget limit set by Mr Barnes this time. It would be their weekend home. The cabin was not large but comfortably equipped, with a modern kitchen, a large fireplace in the spacious living room, two bedrooms and a boat dock. The hut was surrounded by forest and there were no neighbors anywhere. The property was lovely.

Not only would they go there with Morgan for many a weekend, but also regularly the two of them alone, they'd decided, it was only an hour's drive from New York. Their newly hired housekeeper, who also had experience as a nanny, was an energetic woman in her fifties; Annie Banks. She had got a childless son and she pounced on Morgan. All her surplus grandmother love was now transferred to the little one. However, she always adhered to Mr Barnes' educational guidelines. She spoiled the girl no more than her other daddy, Mr. Stark, did at times, fondly tolerated by his husband.

Since Bucky no longer had to pay off loans for his workshop equipment, he and Ricky looked for another capable mechanic to hire him so he could give himself a little more free time. After a few bumpy weeks, filled with further exhausting therapy sessions and relationship discussions, everything suddenly went perfectly. Bucky wanted to kidnap Steve to their cabin for the first time over the weekend rightly before Thanksgiving: date night supreme, so to speak. He had some surprises in store for Steve ...

“I'm home!” When Steve came home after school on Friday, he found small travel bags in the entrance hall. "We are in the kitchen, baby. Lunch is already on the table!” Bucky called back. "Daddy, it's pasta!" Morgan's voice chirped from the kitchen. Steve entered, a wonderful scent of spaghetti sauce in the air. Their daughter had finally overvome her broccoli phase. Steve stopped at the table, eyes fixed on Bucky. "Bucky, what are the bags in the hall for?" "We're going to the lake for the weekend. Just the two of us.” Steve let out some air and wrapped his arms around Bucky from behind, pressing his face in the side of his neck. "Daddy, there's pasta! Daddy, come on!”, The little girl sounded imperious. She didn't like it when her daddies only had eyes for one another. They broke apart with a smile and had spaghetti with Morgan. At 3:00 pm Mrs. Banks came with her famous 'case of mysteries'. Morgan immediately pounced on her and the small case with the exciting content.

Every time the housekeeper came to babysit, she had different things with her. It would keep Morgan busy for a while and made it easier for her to say goodbye to her parents. "Annie, you can call anytime. We'll come back home immediately in case of doubt.” Steve assured her as he shook her hand goodbye. They had already said goodbye to Morgan. "Of course, Mr Stark." Mrs Banks had been instructed by Mr Barnes to call the girl's grandparents in an emergency, and that was also agreed with Mr and Mrs Stark. Steve didn't need to know.

Bucky wanted this weekend up to the end without interruption, when avoidable. He trusted his parents-in-law to master every situation and to have enough judgment to be able to decide when to call Morgan's parents and when not. He was already loading the pick-up. They didn't have to take anything apart from clothing and hygiene bags. A caretaker service on site was commissioned to regularly replenish supplies and firewood. The thing with Steve's money was quite nice, Bucky admitted to himself ...

They arrived at half past four. The property was fenced and when Bucky closed the gate behind them, he felt a peaceful, joyful happyness. It felt like Steve and him were the only people in the world. They drove slowly down the bumpy farm road to the hut, the leaves in the forest were shining in the most beautiful autumn colors. The lake lay flat in front of them and reflected the colorful splendor as in a precious painting. "I love this place," Steve murmured in awe. "Me too. Getting this was the best idea we've had in a long time. ”

"I want to row out, what about you?" "Well, look, this is a date night, so to speak," Bucky winked at him. "I'm anticipating your every wish." " _Any_ wish?" Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Test me." "Let's bring the bags in, open the windows for some fresh air and pre-heat the fireplace. After the boat trip we can have dinner.” “Sounds like a solid plan." In the rowboat Steve smirked at his husband: "Any wish? Then row us out.” “I've thought of some more different wishes, but promised is promised.” They bobbed around in the middle of the lake with the oars in and enjoyed the sunset, snuggled together.

"Baby, it's getting dark and cool, let's row back," Steve suggested. Bucky sat up. He pulled out his phone and switched on the outside lighting of the hut with an app. In silence he rowed them both back to the bank. They carefully moored the boat and went in.

While Bucky closed all the windows, Steve poked the fireplace until the fire crackled homely. Bucky warmed up potato soup and bread. Steve meanwhile set the table and opened a bottle of wine. When the soup and bread were ready, it was comfortably warm in the living room of the hut. They showered and dressed in comfortable clothes: T-shirts, sweatpants and thick socks. At dinner Steve talked from school and Bucky listened, made occasional comments or asked questions. Steve was excited and looking forward to his new tasks. He would teach his favorite classes, Social Sciences, and also run one or the other club, but otherwise he would use the abandoned English classes to fulfill a school principal's duties.

They did the dishes together, cleaned up the kitchen and finally got down on the thick carpet in front of the fierplace with their wine glasses. "Cheers on us, baby." Bucky raised his drink, clinking glasses with Steve, who replied: "Cheers, good times! What might Morgan be up to at the moment?” Bucky looked at the wall clock. Half past eight. "Sleep. Annie gets her to bed even easier and more effectively than I do.” Steve chuckled. "With me she'd still be awake." "And happy as a clam. Nobody makes her laugh, literally shine like you, Stevie. You are a wonderful dad.” Steve modestly lowered his eyes, but he couldn't hide the satisfied smile. "We're best at doing this together, you and me," he stated, playing with the carpet fringes. "Yes, absolutely. We _are_ a good team, Steven. “, That came emphatically.

"Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving yet?" "I've saved some ideas on my phone." He pulled it out. This year's Thanksgiving, traditionally hosted by Bucky and Steve each year, was just around the corner. The whole family as well as Sam and Sharon were expected this year. The invitations had of course been sent long ago.

"Do you really want to cook yourself? For 15 people? You are busy for days!” “Steve, that's the way you do when you've got loved people around for Thanksgiving. You cook.” “My family's never cooked on holidays, no matter how loved the people were who've come.” “Your family, you at the top, oughta only cook for bad people. To poison them.” “Naughty guy!" Steve laughed, but Bucky was right. “Is everyone eating and tolerating everything this year? Are there any updates?” “Sam is going through a vegetarian phase, Sharon said. Now that he's going to be a father, he wants to save the world.” Bucky laughed. Sharon and Sam were finally expecting their first baby.

"It's awesome with the baby, isn't it?" "Yes, definitely! They will be great parents.” “Yeah, well, Sam uses his criminalistic flair to uncover any violation of the rules, and Sharon also proves this forensically. Their child will love it!” At that Steve laughed. Then he got serious again: "How's Nakia?" Nakia and T'Challa were still in the embassy in Washington with their first child T'Chaiba, a healthy, strong boy of four years. Nakia was the Wakandan ambassador and T'Challa taught English in a primary school. They were expecting their second child. Nakia's second pregnancy was difficult. She had to lie down a lot because of bleeding and discomfort and everyone around her was quite worried.

T'Challa regularly informed Bucky or Steve about the well-being of the small family. Bucky's eyes darkened somewhat: "Strict bed rest, again. She really wants T'Challa to come down with the little one and celebrate Thanksgiving with us. But he probably won't leave her side.” “I understand, even if it's a shame.” “Of course it's a shame! But I understand, too. They will be over with it ten weeks time.” In ten weeks was the earliest appointment the baby could be born safely. "Damn long if you ask me." "It is." Bucky sighed. After he became businesslike:

"So what am I about to cook? Sam's getting celery, for sure.” Steve smirked. The guerrilla war between Bucky and Sam was of course settled for a long time, but both of them still had a lot of fun with picking at each other good-naturedly. "Turkey?" "No shit, Sherlock. What else?” “Hm. Mashed potatoes?” “Well, this is no fun with you. I've seen something which sounds interesting. Cream cheese balls with a pine nut shell as a starter. I've wanted to try something new with the turkey, of which I still don't know how to do it. Brussels sprouts with shallots and hazelnuts. Also refined pumpkin biscuits with goat cheese and cranberries. Of course there is also mashed potatoes. For dessert, I thought of blackberry nut cream tiramisu. How does it all sound to you?"

Steve blinked at him innocently. "Delicious?" "You're a punk." "Bucky, you can serve my family whatever you want and if it's chicken soup or Mac'n'Cheese. They won't be able to express how great you are a cook because they - we all - are hopeless in the kitchen” Steve laughed. "That's right!" Bucky agreed. Steve went on: “So plan and tinker and cook for two days if you want to and when it's important to you. It is important to _me_ that you are happy. And that's making you happy, isn't it?” Steve's family, who held together and made every celebration an experience, in which everyone loved Bucky and had taken him in naturally (although he knew this topic - still a dominant one in his therapy - has not yet been clarified ...). Yes, cooking the best Thanksgiving meal ever for them would make him happy.

“Stevie ..." he sighed. "You understand me like noone does." "It's probably like that because I love you." "And that's probably like that because of my pretty legs." "Jerk." "Am I not right?" He grinned: "It has a thousand reasons. Or maybe it's just your pretty legs, exactly.” “We'll need your parents' huge take-apart table and a couple of chairs.” “And we'll have to clear the living hall a bit, push the couch into the corner, but that's still possible. We don't have to take our bed down, a real plus.” They smirked at each other and their hands found between them. They remembered their first Thanksgiving in their tiny Queens home. And some of the following ones...

They chatted and laughed for a while about their past Thanksgiving adventures. "Do you remember Thor's roommate?" Steve asked. "How could I forget him! One hell of an adventurer! To think I haven't dared to stick my tongue down your throat for over two years. If I had known you wouldn't defend yourself the slightest bit if someone did it out of the blue, I would have done it much earlier.” "You know, it was all about the piercing." "I know, the piercing was in my mouth a mere minute earlier.” They chuckled together. "You wanted to, didn't you?" - "Have you ever regretted?" They asked at the same time. They couldn't have had this conversation years ago. Steve would have been ashamed and not being honest and Bucky would have been too scared to make Steve jealous. Today, however ...

"Nah, not really regretted," Bucky said, "but I'm definitely the only gay guy over 30 in New York who's never had a threesome!" He laughed. Steve grinned. "Of those with your looks, definitely." "Pff, nobody looks like me," Bucky pouted. "That's true. You know I found it tempting. The little one seemed very _compliant_ , I mean ... _I lie down on the floor, both of you can do anything you want to me.” “_ The exact wording _has_ been memorized" Bucky snorted dryly . "You know I have a talent with wording," Steve smiled innocently. "Punk.", Bucky snorted. "What would you have wanted to do with the 'compliant little one' on the floor, huh?"

Steve cocked his head. "I don't know ... forbid him to touch you?" “Typical. I could have had a threesome and wouldn't be allowed to participate. Thanks for nothing, sweetheart.”, Bucky scoffed but without any sharpness. "Oh, don't say so. You could have touched him and when he had really wanted you, I would have shown him who you belong to.” “You are a sadist.” “This is pure pride in ownership.” “Selfish.” “You would have liked. How many times have I seen you make someone lose their head and when your victim was all hot and bothered from your mere words and glances, you showed the cold shoulder. I may be selfish but _you_ are the sadist."

"Only if someone deserves it. Poor little Beau didn't deserve so." “He kissed you in the kitchen while I took food to an old lady. He did deserve so.” “It would have been a cruel punishment to be touched by me and watch us after. We were some eye-catchers!” “Oh yes, I know, I've seen the footage." They giggled a little. Their sex tapes were just as embarrassing, shaky, and not as sexy as they had imagined - like any other couple's. "Well, Steve, if you go on to tell me your dirtiest fantasies about that missed encounter, I'm gonna soon regret the loss more than I did then." "Would you like to remedy, catch up?" "Nah ... I'm 40 soon, what I've got is enough." “ Soon 40?” Steve snorted, amused, "you're exaggerating hopelessly.” “I'm 35 in March and that's closer to 40 than to 30, simple maths."

"What do you want for your birthday, baby?" "No threesome," Bucky replied dryly. Steve laughed, "Alright." He called up his calendar on his phone. "A Saturday, nice. I'll kidnap you for a splendid date night weekend. Where do you want to go? To the falls? Disneyland? To Vermont?” Steve grinned. "I want to go here." "Then I'll take you here." "You are organizing the date night weekend? Are you planning on laying me, Stevie?” Bucky teased. "I will want anything you will want.” "You'll definitely be the one who's rowing." Steve laughed. But after a short while they stopped talking and used their mouths for completely different things ...

The next day after his morning run and a long shower, Steve woke up Bucky with kisses on his forehead, cheeks, lips, tip of the nose, tiny, affectionate nudges. "Is there breakfast?" His husband mumbled sleepily. "I've thought I was breakfast," Steve laughed at him. "I'm not 20 anymore, in need of coffee and you are insatiable." "Go take a shower, I'm making you some coffee." "Five more minutes ...", Bucky rolled on his stomach and Steve looked down at him, shaking his head. "It's nine-thirty, Bucky Barnes, get out of bed." "May I stay inside if I'm inviting you?" “I don't come back to bed for this: watching you sleep.” “You only ever want one thing from me." Steve grinned: "That's not true, at the moment I want you to get up, have breakfast with me and then go for a walk. It's a wonderful day! "

"Yes sir, I'm coming. Go make some coffee.” “First I want to see you actually getting up.” “Bully!” Bucky peeled out of the blankets. It looked as if he had slept inside the mattress, so reluctantly and with a lot of groaning and sighing he got out of bed. Bucky himself was sweetly messy, a little crumpled and naked. Steve had almost forgotten about it. "I've known it was worth watching you getting up." Bucky rubbed his eyes, after all he had already got his feet out of bed and on the floor. "Coming back in with me is still not an option?" “Off to the bathroom, I'm downstairs.” Steve left chuckling.

Bucky'd never been a morning person. And he wasn't 20 anymore. At that time when he was woken up in the morning by Steve with a little more than tiny kisses, he had been on duty in an instant. But now his libido had been slumbering at least until noon for some years. He stretched, listening for noises from below. Steve was busy in the kitchen. He thought for a moment, negotiated with himself for 'five more minutes', but then gave himself a jerk. Stretched out again, he got up and groped to the bathroom. "Oh god ..." he said when he looked in the mirror. "I wouldn't have crawled into bed to you again either, you monster!", he said to himself and rushed to get himself pretty for his husband on the spot.

Steve, who was still useless in the kitchen, had brought in hot breakfast from a breakfast bar after running. Coffee was made by the foolproof coffee machine for which Steve thanked heaven. Bucky would have left him for a barista long ago if he hadn't at least been able to make him some decent coffee. He set the table and whistled happily to himself. It had been a wonderful idea to come here.

After breakfast, they boarded the boat, moored it on the other bank, and hiked along the river which was feeding 'their' lake. They got fresh eggs, steaks, vegetables and lettuce from a farmers' market. Their pleasant conversation never stopped as they walked through the colorful autumn forest with their fingers entwined. Steve listened intently when Bucky told him about the revolutionary batteries Shuri was working on in Wakanda. Her father was still in excellent health. She probably wouldn't be queen for a long time. But she was very happy in her tech lab. And with her husband…

All day long they chatted and rowed out onto the lake. They went for walks. They fooled around and joked and laughed together and when Bucky prepared their meals, Steve kept him company and they made a lot of love ...

The weekend was perfect and went without a hitch ... All was well.


	116. A Happy Thanksgiving for a Happy Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures at the end.

**A Happy Thanksgiving for a Happy Family**

"Mom! Dad! Peter!” Steve called down the driveway. They were the first. They also lived closest to them. And Peter, 19 since the 11th of the month, had driven the huge family car! "Happy Thanksgiving!" "Happy Thanksgiving!" All three called back and Morgan whizzed past Steve to her uncle Peter, who caught her laughing, placing her onto his hip: "Well, crumb? Are you looking forward to the party?” “Finally again a party! All are coming!”, The little one fidgeted a bit and Peter put her down. Grandpa was finally there too and he crouched to hug his little angel. He cuddled a bit with her, then: "Go, say hello to Grandma, missy." And Morgan toddled off to her grandmother, let herself be cuddled and Pepper, like every grandmother, found it was too cold outside for the child without a jacket.

"Oh, it smells wonderful! Your poor husband has been cooking for two days again?” “Oh, Mom, he likes to do it for all of you.” “We are all grateful you haven't those tendencies to want to cook for us. Always leave that to Bucky!” Tony cried, laughing. "Do I hear my name here?" Bucky came out of the kitchen, rubbed his hands dry on a kitchen towel, "Are you talking about me again? You are all so obsessed with me,” he joked. The family had quietly returned to the tone of the days before the hard times. Bucky struggled with it, but adapted. Too much was too difficult still ... He hugged his mother-in-law, kissed her on the cheek, and patted his father-in-law on the shoulder. "You look good, Dad. Nice you're here. And Peter? You've driven the monster truck?" “Yes, Bucky, for the first time." Tony had never left that to him, even though the boy had had his driver's license and a small car for a long time. "He's doing great," Pepper beamed.

"Exactly. And his old folks can have a drink today.” Tony nodded. Steve gestured to the sideboard, where he had prepared aperitifs. At mixing drinks he was much better than at cooking. "I want some, too!" Morgan called, the eyes of the little one sparkling at the sight of the brightly colored drinks and Steve, who had foreseen this, gave her a bright tropical fruit juice mix in a noble aperitif glass. Today, all the dishes and the various glasses on the festively decorated table in the living room of course belonged to Steve and Bucky themselves which hadn't been the case years ago...

Tony and Pepper had given them generous financial instructions to an exclusive home decorator for their wedding, and on his wedding day Bucky had been too happy to feel offended in his pride. Of course from the money - in addition to a coffee machine, rice cooker, panini grill, slow cooker and dishes - they got themselves a toaster, after all, Tony had promised to give them one ... While they were still sipping their aperitifs - Peter had the same fruit mix as Morgan - the next guests came: Natasha, Bruce and Pietro arrived. Wanda would be coming to New York this Christmas, so she and her family spent Thanksgiving with Paul's parents.

Natasha had brought a bottle of exclusive vodka from Russia as a gift and presented it to Bucky with the words. "Before the end of the night, you're gonna have a glass with me, understand?" He smiled broadly. He was the only one drinking Vodka with Natasha every now and then. He replied gallantly: “S udovol'stviyem. (with pleasure). “„ A cheeky prank of you to hide from us for years you've got a Russian certificate at B2 level. Sneaky.” “'t was very enjoyable,” he winked, and turned to Bruce to shake his hand. The man grinned: “I should have learned Russian secretly. I missed something, I think.” Bucky laughed. Pietro hugged him with the words:

"But _you_ look good today." He hugged him very tightly. Bucky freed himself laughing and slapped his chest playfully. "Thank you. I appreciate this from you. You understand something about it and you are always mercilessly honest.” Pietro, one arm still loose around Bucky's shoulders, winked at him seductively. Steve cleared his throat. His husband turned to him and made a gesture with three raised wiggling fingers, unseen for Pietro. _Threesome?_ Did it mean. Steve stuck his chin out and barely shook his head no. _Certainly not with Pietro_ was the silent answer. Bucky winked. Steve and the Russian patted each other on their shoulders and he gave him an aperitif. After all, he was used to it. Those were only stupid jokes. Except, of course, that Bucky _but_ looked good today. Steve thought so too.

The next guest was Loki. He'd gotten a little lost in a chat with Will and wasn't on time for the first time in his life ... He turned from side to side when he came, looking around, but his godchild Odin Erik Foster-Stark, two and a half years old, and his parents weren't there yet. Too bad. He thankfully declined an aperitif, including the fruity juice version, and asked for a glass of water. Then he talked to Bruce and Natasha. Bucky was still busy in the kitchen and Pepper followed him to 'help' a bit. Of course, no Stark was a help in the kitchen. She just loved to be around him, especially when his eyes were so bright and his every movement was joyful, as energetic as he was today. Tony granted his wife the harmless pleasure.

Besides, Rhodey was coming and the two old friends had a lot to talk about. Jim had spent some weeks with his family in Philadelphia and Tony wanted to know everything. Like Bucky with the Starks, he was, so to speak, an 'adopted' family member of the Rhodes'. The next arrivals were Sharon and Sam. This time they had no dessert with them, but instead a large gift basket with fruits, pumpkins, wine and potatoes. They also had news: they wanted to tell their friends personally what they had known for some time: Sharon was expecting twins! Sam, of course, carried the basket. His wife was sometimes surprised he had let her carry her handbag since she was pregnant. Everyone said hello to each other in turn and it was getting as loud and noisy as ever.

Morgan pressed her nose flat against the window to the street. She was waiting as longingly for her little cousin as her uncle Loki. Erik (luckily that's how the boy was called) was so cute! Loki sat down on the windowsill and ruffled her dark curls. "Tell me, how do you like it in kindergarten, peewee?" “It's nice. When is Erik coming?” Loki laughed. "Soon, little one. I'm also looking forward to him."

And finally the time had come. The part of the family they saw the least of because they lived in Arizona was sorely missed by everyone and they hurried to the panoramic window when Morgan shouted, "They're coming!" Thor was bending over on the opposite side of the house behind the taxi to unbuckle his son. He straightened up, the blond little boy in his arms, clearly towering over the not exactly small taxi, the broad shoulders in a worn parka, the long blond hair partly tied at the back of the head. He turned to the house, beaming, Bucky and Pietro sighed audibly. Steve cleared his throat again: "Well, if it's going on like this, I will soon need a cough drop, _darling_ ", but he laughed with it.

Bucky shrugged apologetically, but could not tear himself away from the sight. "Sorry Steve. If I haven't seen him for a long time, I sometimes forget how good your brother's looking.” Thor went around the taxi and, balancing the little one on his hip, gallantly opened the car door and held out a hand to his woman. Jane took it, got out and there was the same expression of admiration on her face as on Pietro's and Bucky's. There was also love. Now _everyone_ sighed - well, everyone except Morgan. She hopped up and down singing: "Erik is here, Erik is here!" Thor kissed Jane's fingertips, she giggled with her shoulders hunched up, an effect of Thor's on her that hopefully would never go away and finally they came up the driveway. Bucky quickly rushed to open the door for them. Steve looked after him shaking his head good-naturedly. _Bad._ Pietro said: “Another one I can't sit next to, great. Is there a free seat next to you, Steven?” Of course he knew the story and grunted: “Thank you very much.” The Russian smirked.

Bucky opened the door and weclomed the family a little breathlessly. "Bucky!" Thor boomed, pulling the brother-in-law to his chest with his free arm and planting a resounding kiss on his cheek. "Good to be here with both of you." "I know." His face was all pink and Jane grinned at him understandingly: _Right_? Bucky kissed his sister-in-law on the cheek and finally looked at little Erik's sleepy face. "He's _cute_!" He called in a slightly higher voice than usual. "Allow me, Bucky?" He heard his mother-in-law behind him. Bucky immediately stepped aside, made room for her, offered Jane his arm with the words: "You already have a cute bumpy round tummy!" - "I'm allowed to have one, your brother-in-law only makes giant babies" and led her into his house. Pepper had never preferred one of her four sons. No one was closer to her heart than the others. But Odin Erik, who had Tony's deep dark eyes and the wreath of deep black eyelashes Thor also had, was her one and only. The blond boy was tall for his age, active and witty and combined the naive charm of Thor's and at the same time Tony's clever one in his pretty face and the wide smile he now gave his grandma.

Pepper skyped with the boy each day, played little silly hand puppet storyies for him, read books, sang for him and the little boy loved her deeply. He stretched out his arms to her and she smiled happily, a few tears were rolling down, she pressed her face into his soft neck, whispering to him some nonsense about which the boy laughed brightly. Thor took his mother and son in his strong arms and kissed his mom on the head. "It's good to be here. Erik has been happy for so long and has spoken of nothing else.” “Hello there, all of you!", Tony had come to the door. "Pops!" Thor called, hugging his father. Then he smiled at his wife and the sweet child on her arm. "Hey little man, nice to have you here making your nana happy." He put an arm around Pepper's shoulders kissing her temple. "Oh, Tony," she sobbed quietly and everyone went inside.

Loki came to her side immediately. He also skyped with Erik almost every day and the boy was just as happy about him. "Lo-ti!" He took the little boy in his arms, carefully studying his facial features. "You more an more are looking like your father," he said softly and very contentedly. Morgan tugged him on the jacket. Loki put the boy down and Morgan immediately dragged the little cousin to her toy box. The serious, reserved man followed them and sat down on the carpet with the children. Jane had long said hello to everyone and was having a lively conversation about astrophysics with an enthusiastic Peter. He admired his beautiful sister-in-law without limit, especially her intellect, and was convinced she would one day soon receive the Nobel Prize. Thor ruffled his hair to greet him, but only interrupted their conversation briefly to hug his youngest brother.

He went to Loki and the children, sat down next to him and put his hand on his shoulder, pressed it briefly but in a very fond way. "Loki. How are you, brother?” He looked at him, gave his narrow smile. His eyes glowed warmly, as Thor noted with satisfaction. "Great. But I'm glad you've come. Erik is getting more and more charming.” “Come and visit us more often. We would be happy.” The thought of being in the desert in a motorhome with three other people in such a small space scared Loki, but soon his brother and his family would move to the apartment. "Yes, I actually will." Morgan babbled on the boy. "This is dolly, there are my building bricks and there, a fire truck. Do you like it?” She held out toy after toy under his little nose, Erik took each one just to drop it when she held out the next thing which happened every other second. Thor continued to make a warm reunion with everyone. Bucky had disappeared to the kitchen, Natasha had followed him to help. _She_ was a real help!

Steve talked animatedly to Sam and Sharon. She looked dazzling, also had a pretty round tummy and confirmed him that she was also very fine. With sympathy, they spoke briefly about Nakia and T'Challa, then everyone shared work stuff. Bruce was with Tony and Rhodey and they exchanged old stories. Pepper had gone to Peter and Jane to spend time with the daughter-in-law, whom she met so rarely. Pietro missed his sister, nephew and niece and sent them a long message and pictures of the party they were missing. Bucky called Steve from the kitchen door to open the wine to the first course. Natasha and he would apply soon. When they heard this, the guests all went to the long table. Loki and Thor put Morgan and Erik in the high chairs. The girl between Tony and Peter, the boy next to Pepper and Loki.

Steve got the light white wine from the terrace to the entree of cream cheese with pine nuts. There he had got the right drinking temperature, and poured it out to everyone who wanted so. After Steve sat down while Bucky and Natasha applied four plates with cheese balls. Nat took her place next to her husband, Bucky at the head of the table, opposite Steve. He looked around the group: “Well, I would suggest leaving the thanks out. With so many people, someone will starve us to death if we don't start soon. My greatest concern is Thor, what can the man eat! But I also have to worry about Sharon and Jane. After all, pregnant women have to eat. Sharon even for three! However, I can say with certainty we are all grateful to be here today, together.” Steve knocked on the glass with his knife, raised the wine goblet exclaiming loudly "Hear hear!", Everyone raised their glasses. 'Happy Thanksgiving' they chanted and everyone took from the cheese balls.

General praise soon filled the living room. "I want the recipe, Bucky!" Sharon cried out, "And don't you say again, you're making them on a gut level. Nobody does something like that on a gut level.“ She glared at him. "It's not advisable to make fun of pregnant women, is it? No, I haven't made them on a gut level. I'll send you the recipe.” “Thanks Bucky!” Sam chewed enthusiastically. "Make a roundmail out of it," Natasha asked appreciatively. "Well, we don't need the recipe," Tony called dryly. Everyone laughed. "What I'm always asking myself when eating something you've cooked is..." Sam said, "Why isn't Steve fat? We know calories you consume evaporate. But Steve! He has always struggled with his weight.“, He giggled a little maliciously at the annoyed eyerolling of Steve's. Bucky's eyes sparkled.

"The times when I could eat everything are over ... and the presence of the children forbids me to answer that question, Wilson.“ Everyone laughed out loud. All except Thor. "Huh? Why can't the children hear it?” “I'll explain to you when you are older,” Loki said dryly and everyone laughed again, including Thor, who had finally understood. "But you can tell _me_ afterwards, Bucky.", Peter grinned, "I'm already 19!" His mother looked at him in shock, but soon laughed again. Bucky replied, "I'm not having this sort of conversation with anyone I've ever changed diapers for, Pete." "You changed my diapers?" Peter asked with wide eyes. "More than once. Were not my best moments with you, buddy.” “But Bucky," Steve called," you changed Morgan's diapers a thousand times. You don't believe in all seriousness, I'm going to have this kind of conversation with her, which parents have to have with their children at a certain age.” “Huh. Because I know so much about girls, darling. "

"Well. Your final grade in natural sciences gives me the feeling you have at least understood the biological aspect of it.” “Pff. Henderson every bet still believed in stork's bringing the babies.” Everyone who had gone to Sanctuary High at the same time as Bucky and Steve and remembered the slightly overstated science professor burst out laughing. "Is it true you practically held his lectures in your performance Science class, Jane?" Sharon wanted to know. She blushed a little and even more when Thor looked proudly at her squeezing her hand. "Well, sometimes," she said modestly. "And you, Bucky?" Pietro cried out, "do _you_ still believe in the stork?" "I have to. I went to bed a few times without an undershirt and whoops Steve and I had Morgan!” The whole delicious meal went on like this. Chatting, joking and laughing, teasing each other, they feasted through all the courses.

After everyone was stuffed. Some of them cleared the table with Bucky and Steve. For a brief moment the two were alone in the kitchen. "Are you happy, baby?" Steve reached for Bucky's hand, squeezing it tenderly. "Overjoyed, Stevie!", He nestled against his husband. “Unthinkable if I couldn't have won you back. I was such a fool, I swear to you, never again ... ”, Bucky interrupted Steve's passionate outburst by putting his fingertips on his mouth. "Don't promise me anything you can't keep. Just one more time, please, Stevie: Tell me you will always love me, no matter what, _always._ ” Steve literally sank into the blue-gray eyes of his beloved husband. He took his fingers off his lips."I swear to you, baby, I'll love you with the sleeve, _always._ 'til the end of the line." “Stick with it..." Bucky whispered against Steve's chin.

"Here I've got you some more... Oops, sorry!" Peter called out, bursting into the tender scene, a stack of dessert plates in hands. Sam, who was near the kitchen door, shouted: "You really catch them over and over, right?" "Do you want to come in and have a look, Sam?" Bucky called back with a laugh. "I hate you!" Rhodey smirked at Pepper and Tony: "History repeats, doesn't it?" "What can I say? Steve is hereditary burdened,” Tony replied. Natasha called loudly, "May _I_ have a look?" "Tasha!" Bruce called in shock. "What? I haven't seen that since Pietro moved out ten years ago.” “Would you like to have tea on Sunday, Maman?” Pietro laughed. "I could invite a ... colleague." "No, leave it alone. I didn't change your diapers, but I washed your socks and underpants for 15 years. That was intimate enough for me.” Bruce shook his head, a little desperate over his wife and son, but he was actually used to it.

"I'll put that down and I'm gone again," said a deep red Peter in the kitchen. What they all thought, what he had seen did not match the affectionate kiss on the forehead Steve had given Bucky, but what could he say now? "Thanks, Pete," Steve smiled. Peter looked at them. "I am so glad that ... really glad we are all here after ... after all, you know." He said quietly to his brother and brother-in-law and disappeared to the living room, where he was assaulted to 'tell'. He saved himself by claiming: “I've seen nothing, _almost_ nothing. I closed my eyes right away.“ „Oh, man. “, Natasha called playfully disappointed.

"He's a good boy," Bucky said quietly to Steve, stuffing a few more plates into the dishwasher. "Yes," Steve packed leftover food in foil. “The best of all of us. He is the right choice.” Bucky nodded, went back to their guests, offered liquor and brandy, poured wine and soft drinks, distributed water bottles, and finally he and Steve settled in with their loved ones. Tony and Thor had folded the table and taken the excess chairs into the entrance hall. The couch was back together in its place and the 'older' generation had sat down on it, as did Sharon, which Sam had insisted on. In her condition, she mustn't be sitting on the floor, she smiled amused, she was one of the two fittest, sportiest people in the room, right after her husband. Jane had been pulled next to her mother-in-law.

She talked animatedly with Dr. Banner. Loki was with the children and watched them playing, where Peter also settled. Thor was at Jane's feet, from where he looked up at her admiringly. Pietro talked to Sam about martial arts which, like Capoeira, had a lot to do with dance. Sharon asked Pepper what crazy cravings she'd had during her four pregnancies. Pepper hadn't had one (except for Tony, but she didn't tell her). Sharon was always in the mood for olives. Natasha argued a bit with Tony about internet privacy. Everyone was having a good time. Steve cleared his throat: "We've got something to announce!" Everyone looked at him curiously.

"You are pregnant! Gosh, Bucky, put on an undershirt when you go to bed.” Natasha called with a laugh. "You're getting a bigger house!" Sam believed. "You're going on a trip around the world!" (Thor). "Steve goes to Columbia as a professor!" was Sharon's tip. "Bucky invented something!" Peter believed. "Steve is running for mayor," Pepper suggested. "Bucky is renewing his modeling career." That was Pietro with an ironic smile and suggestively wiggling eyebrows. "Dude ..." groaned Bucky. "What?" Pietro asked innocently, "The picture in the stairwell is very pretty!" "I'm more than 10 years older now." "I bet you still can do it." Steve cleared his throat audibly. Several voices shouted at the same time: "Cough drop?" Everyone laughed. Bucky and Steve looked at each other helplessly. "We're living a much more boring life than everyone's thinking!" Bucky called desperately. "No second with you is boring!", Steve looked at him so intensely Sam felt compelled to call "Save this for later!" Everyone laughed again. Bucky blurted out:

"Steve is being promoted! Next month I'm sleeping with the headmaster of Sanctuary High. A thing I've dreamed of since I was 18.” Steve groaned: “Bucky ...” He hadn't told his family anything about this until he was sure how he would decide. All of them talked and asked confused, Steve explained the situation with the headmaster position and Dr Strange's only advisory function. Sharon laughed and shouted, "Really, Bucky, you had a crush on Strange?" "Did you look properly at him then?" Bucky replied. Sharon paused briefly. "Well, alright." "Wha-at?" Sam called. "Get your head around it, Sam. Dr Strange was a snack!” Bucky grinned. "M-hmmm," Pepper made enthusiastically. "Mom!" Peter looked a bit shocked at his mother. "Actually, it wasn't what we wanted to announce," Steve gained all of their attention again. "But you have to admit: it's a big thing, baby: headmaster! At 33!” Bucky looked at him proudly. "Well.", Steve looked quite satisfied actually. "Probably." "What were you going to announce?" Tony asked the crucial question. Bucky and Steve looked at each other. Bucky nodded.

"As you know, we haven't chosen a godparent for Morgan yet," Steve said. His carrying deep voice inevitably captivated all listeners. "We're changing this now. Peter! “, the boy startled. He and Morgan were building a kind of marble run out of building blocks and lego road pieces. "We, Bucky and I, want you to be Morgan's godfather. You're grown up now, so .. ” Peter got eyes as big as saucers. "W-what, me?" He stammered. His two older brothers, who could have been considered, looked at him with a smile. _Yes, who if not you_ it said. Steve went on: “You are the best for this - let's call it a position. Morgan loves you to bits and you are ... Well, you are the friendly spider from the neighborhood!” Everyone laughed. "Morgan!" Bucky called. "Yes, daddy?" "Do you love Peter?" "Peter is awesome. The best!" Bucky looked Peter in the face: "Does that help?" He laughed a little nervously. "Yes, that helps, I think. But ... Thor and Loki ... I mean, there are real adults for the job and I, I'm still ... "

Steve interrupted him: "Pete, you are still young, yes. But Bucky and me too, even if it may not seem so to you at your tender age. You don't have to be afraid we will die of old age tomorrow and you have to take care of her.” He winked. Peter laughed a little. Bucky objected, "Peter, no one in the family makes up games like you do. Nobody is as funny as you are. Nobody makes Morgan laugh like you! Who else could we have chosen?” Tony sighed, his eyes rested quietly and pleased on his _baby_ … Everyone looked at Peter excitedly. "I-I would like to. She is so cute and I really love her very much!” Everyone sighed now. "Then that's a done deal," Steve said. "Hey, Morgan!" Peter called. "Hm?" "I'm your godfather now!" "Godfather? Go on with the marble track!” Everyone laughed and the new godfather hurried to build the marble track …

Steve looked at Bucky: "I would have expected him to hug us." "Well, me too. Seems like he's too grown up for it now.” Peter looked at them somewhat uneasily. "I volunteer and hug Bucky!" Pietro called cheerfully and broke the tension. "Forget it." Steve grumbled good-naturedly. Peter got up hastily to hurry to Morgan's parents, her protests visibly hurt him. "Thank you, Steve!" He hugged his brother stormily. "And Bucky!", He also hugged him firmly. "It means a lot to me, really." "Peter!" Peter winced guiltily and made a somewhat desperate face "Hey," laughed Bucky, "Steve and your dad are spoiling her without limits. Wouldn't be a bad thing if I had someone on my side with Morgan's upbringing.” “Unfortunately, you're betting on the wrong person." Peter bit his lower lip contritely. "Who can resist her?" "This cruel, ice-cold man with a steely heart, actually, not to be softened," Steve giggled, pointing at Bucky. He was a bit tipsy...

"Well, listen," Bucky protested with a laugh, "If it would be up to you she hadn't been vaccinated because it's prickling. Her hair would never be combed because the pulling hurts and she would have a rock star's sleep pattern!” “She would be living the dream, wouldn't she?” “And feed on fries and gummy bears.” “Dude, Steve, you can be actually happy at least one of you is reasonable there. Incredible of you. When I think about what Thor and Loki have told me about your sermons.” Peter teased him. Bucky grinned broadly and now Steve looked a little guilty. "The really interesting information _I_ was able to get out of this is: Bucky is _strict_ , Steve?", Of course Pietro. He earned laughter. But not from Bucky, who in spite of having drunk enough (or because of it, who could tell?) turned bright red. Pietro was a number! "You get pocket money withdrawal if you don't shift down a gear, son. You're a guest here!” Natasha called. Pietro smirked and said, "Yes, ma'am."

The party went on happily. Erik was sleeping in a nest of blankets and pillows, with Morgan crouching next to him, holding his small, chubby hand. Her head and eyes were getting heavy too. Steve went to her, spoke to her quietly and in fact she agreed to be put to bed. She padded to everyone to say goodbye, pressed a wet smack on her other ( _strict_ ) daddy's mouth, and went upstairs clutching Steve's hand. Peter joined them. "Looks like Stevie wants to defend his honor a bit," Natasha laughed. Tony pulled a small device out of his pocket and said, "Bucky, pal, I want to show you something, it won't take long, but we have to use the WLAN distributor in the study." Bucky looked a little surprised at his father-in-law, but got up immediately. Their guests were all well catered for and Tony had assured it wouldn't take long.

"What is it, Dad?" Bucky turned the small inconspicuous box in his hands in the study. It was a little larger than a matchbox. The surface was smooth, it was surprisingly heavy and had no slot for cables or storage media whatsoever. "This is a tracker. Protects against all types of hacker attacks and is even undetectable itself. Go to the mainframe of your WLAN distributor and look for new devices.” Bucky sat down and entered the corresponding command into the mainframe. The software found no new device. "Good." Tony murmured and pulled another device out of his pocket, a control panel StarkPhone-like - just a lot smaller. He handed it to Bucky. "Use the control panel to manually synchronize the tracker with your network." Bucky didn't ask any questions, Tony would surely explain this to him straight away. The software did not find the control panel either, neither did Bucky find it. Tony had affectionately christened the little harmless-looking device _StarkSpy_.

“Peter tested StarkSpy on StarkHomeNet for a few weeks. But none of his attacks came through the firewall - meaning there was nothing to test for StarkSpy.” “StarkHomeNet is Fort Knox." Tony agreed. "So I'm asking you to test it for some time. I, or Pete, can hardly try to hack us into your network. If you do it yourself, we are in the legal and also _ethical_ books.“, he winked. "For this I will send you an incognito app you can run on a device of your choice so your network does not recognize it as yours. Your SmartHouse software is the perfect target for attacks - baby monitor, surveillance camera, cistern heating, countless possibilities.” “Have you tried to hack StarkHomeNet yourself?” Bucky asked. Tony smiled. "I can't do that to Jarvis, in the end I would be victorious, I can't do with an A.I. in a crisis of meaning. The next days, I'm sending Peter over, and he can give you an overview what he has tried. It' pointless, if you two are doing the same work. "

Bucky narrowed his eyes a little. "This isn't very subtle, Dad. I'm used better from you.” “I don't know what you mean, boy.” “If you want me to talk to Peter, just tell me.” “But I actually want you to test StarkSpy. Apart from talking to Peter.“, His father-in-law grinned widely at him. He shook his head, smiling. "Do I need to know anything before this conversation?" Tony sighed. "Peter took that episode quite badly, maybe you just make sure it didn't have anything to do with your relationship to him." Bucky swallowed. "He also needs advice on love matters." "From me?" Bucky snorted, amused. "Just listen to him. And test my tracker. After maybe I'll let you play with my suit for NASA.” With that he turned to go. Bucky had to laugh, but his heart was pounding. The suit for NASA!

Meanwhile Thor had followed his dearest brother to the veranda, where he was "breathing a little and stretching his legs". He found him immersed in his StarkPhone and wanted to retreat discreetly again, but Thor had never in life been 'stealthy' and Loki turned around as if caught. "Oh, it's you." "Yes." Thor laughed. "Just me. Haven't you still said anything to anyone in the family?” “I… do you have some time before you go back to Arizona?” Thor looked alarmed. "What's going on?" "I just don't want to talk about it here and now. There is nothing going on. Don't be dramatic.” “I only wanted you to feel at home,” Thor smirked. "You are a sheep, brother." He raised a shoulder: "May be. We have a tight schedule, but I can do an hour or two.” “Well, if it's too stressful, you don't have to .. “ “Loki!” his big brother cut him short. "I want to do an hour or two." Loki smiled gratefully. "Listen to this: 'Cynicism is humor in poor health'. H.G. Wells.” Thor looked at him a little blankly. "You're texting with Will," he stated dryly, without any question. Loki laughed. "The two of you are a perfect match, I guess. I'm calling when I know I have he time.” Thor left his brother alone with his chat (the love of his life). Loki watched him sporting a happy smile. Yes. Will _was_ his perfect match...

"So. Now the children are sleeping. ", Natasha welcame the men when they came back down, “Open the vodka, Barnes. ", Her eyes sparkled adventurously. And he wouldn't be told twice. This brand from Russia was exquisite! "Ypa!", They called and clinked glasses.

The first glass ran down his throat and burned a nasty path out of fire. Natasha laughed at the tears in the corner of his eyes. "Aaaw, too strong for you?" Bucky wiped his eyes and smirked back. "No way." He refilled. Bruce shook his head, rolling his eyes. Was his wife trying to get Bucky drunk again? Well, he actually deserved it a bit. All the work in the kitchen for all of them and he seemed to want to get a little drunk! To hell with reason. When Steve and Peter came back, Bucky and Miss Romanov were on the third shot. Steve smiled to himself. When Bucky was drunk, he always said the sweetest things to him in bed. He was looking forward to it. He went to his mother to sit with her and Thor, whose woman was leaning against him a little tired. They soon all talked to each other animatedly. Jane was a little quiet. Well, she worked mostly at night, the night work ban was still about to come, and her sleep schedule was always pretty mixed up when on vacation.

Peter pulled Loki onto the couch when he came back in. He had been a little quiet since Erik went to sleep. As always, he felt a bit 'alien' when the family was celebrating. "Your new play sounds interesting. Tell me about it!” Loki's heart literally melted away at this. He knew Peter didn't care much about theater. He only did this for Loki to make him feel good! So he told his little brother the funniest anecdotes he could remember and showed him a couple of simulations of stage effects on his cell phone that would definitely interest him. Peter gave him an essay to read, which he had written for the artificial languages class, and asked for advice on it. Loki asked Peter to send him the essay, William would be interested in it. He didn't say this out loud. Except Thor, no one in the family knew about Will yet…

Sam and Sharon had joined Steve and his people, while Bucky had 'Aunt' Natasha correct his Russian pronunciation, and the two giggled a lot. Probably it was about indecent things ...

Tony talked to Rhodey and Pietro to his father. Everyone felt very comfortable. It was a wonderful Thanksgiving. Sam and Sharon were the first to leave around half past nine. They were planning to plunge into Black Friday early the next day to get some baby equipment. Sharon's family had moved to New Jersey some year ago and they would be staying there. They had a good hour's drive ahead of them. Soon Loki said goodbye. And Pietro, who had been able to find a Tinder date, ordered an Uber. Steve went outside with him to wait for it.

"Steven, you know I'm always fun, only a little flirt, right? I would never _really_ try to hit on Bucky, though ... well, doesn't matter now. But you are my family. I know how to behave.” Steve was a little surprised by the sudden admission. "Um ... Pietro, can it be ... Are you sometimes a little lonely? Why don't you try to be steady with someone?” The Russian sighed. "What you and Bucky have got, I'm probably not made for." Steve was speechless. _But ._.. "But Pietro. You can certainly find this too. And why shouldn't you be made for it? Look at your sister! And she's genuinely damn similar to you genetically. Or your parents. Of course this is genetically irrelevant but your mother is just like you! And look at her: still madly in love with your father. Or not? Isn't she?” Yes, that was true ...

"Maybe you're right, Steve. But I'll take the date before I'm trying anything new. A couple. He is bi, she's straight, looking for a new kick. I can deliver, can't I? “, he winked. "Who if not you?" Steve smiled. The Uber arrived. Steve and the Russian hugged. "Not too bad at all, Stevie, but your husband is heaven on long legs." Pietro could not help himself. "I agree with you, but you're still an asshole. Have fun on your date! ", Steve laughed goodbye and was greeted, again inside, by his rather tipsy man: "Shte-vie …" Bucky called giggling, "I'm drunk.” “Oh boy. Thank god you are so light. I'll have to carry you up the stairs.” “Oooh, like a bride on her wedding night?” “More like a sack of cement over my shoulder,” Steve laughed. Bucky pouted.

Thor gently woke Jane and Peter and Tony loaded the van with Steve. The Foster-Starks spent the whole weekend with Thor's parents. Their luggage had been sent there, but Tony wanted to take the folded table and the chairs they brought with them so they wouldn't get in Steve's and Bucky's way. They said goodbye to each other, but on Sunday the whole family was back for brunch, which they were looking forward to.

Steve waved after them and when he was back Bucky was on the floor with glassy eyes, head on the couch behind him. "Put your sweetheart to bed, Steve!" Natasha laughed. "Thanks for the invitation. It was a pleasant party, as always.” Bruce's voice was warm but also a little tired. "Tell also Bucky tomorrow. Thanks for everything.” “Oh, I'm telling him. Loud and clear.” Steve grinned. "He'll be especially happy about 'loud'," Natasha smirked and hugged Steve. Rhodey would take a walk home – it wasn't particularly far. "Steve, I'm happy for you! I am your godfather and have seen you grow up and now: look at you, look at your family! If I imagine I could have been young at the same time as you ...” Steve squeezed him sympathetically. Uncle Jim would have been a great husband and father! Then all the guests were gone. Steve leaned over Bucky, who had closed his eyes.

"Hey, sleepyhead! The guests are all gone. Come on, I'm taking you upstairs.” Bucky raised an eyelid. "Finally alone.", He wanted to grab Steve by his shirt chest, probably to pull him towards him, but narrowly missed because of the lack of focus. He hiccuped. "Sexy," Steve said dryly, holding out both hands. Bucky pulled himself to shaky legs, swayed against Steve and hugged him.

"I don't want to hang over your shoulder like a cement sack." "Look at it, you can see and touch my ass like this. On the other hand, I fear for the strength of your stomach if you're hanging upside down.” “So, Stevie? Bridal style?”, He pushed out his lips in a very cute way. "What when I bang your head against a door frame? I don't feel like going to the emergency room. Can't you walk? I support you.” “Oh, please, Stevie!” “Piggyback or you walk yourself, that's my last offer.” “Alright.”

Bucky wasn't _that_ drunk, Steve found out in their bedroom He was delighted!

(…)

Have Erik an Morgan with their dads and Godfather 

And on one of Peter with his dad!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the kids' picture: Bless Hemworth for being a father with genes like this!  
> Fun fact: The baby Hiddleston's carrying is actually one of Hemsworth's.


	117. "I got myself a millionaire"

**"I got myself a millionaire"**

At least he had no hangover, high class quality, Miss Romanov's vodka! Showered and dressed up like for a photo shoot some 30 minutes later - he needed self-confidence after an undignified brush versus cum in his hair fight - he went to his man and daughter who had heard Steve working around and had woken up from it. She was cheerfully stirring her Froot Loops when her other daddy came in the kitchen. "Wow! What are you up to today?” Steve blinked. "Froot loops, seriously?", Bucky immediately started cutting fruit and mixing it with oatmeal and yogurt to make smoothies. "Well, listen!", Steve laughed, "We could have done the other way round. Next time you're making breakfast and I will spend an eternity on dolling myself up!” “Pff, as if it would take an eternity to - what was that? - doll myself up?” “It was an eternity with a hungry child!"

Bucky grinned and placed a smoothie next to the Froot Loops he had disapproved of. "Good morning, Grumpy!" He handed Steve a smoothie. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." Bucky got coffee. They kissed each other. "Daddy! Wanna tiss too!” “Of course! The best thing in the end, princess.”, Bucky pecked a little kiss to Morgan's sticky, sugary Froot-Loops mouth. "Delicious!" Morgan giggled and held out a spoonful of Froot Loops to her father. Bucky accepted the gift. "What've you planned out for today? You, dressed up like this, my heart misgives me. Is a ship going to be launched?” Steve smirked at him as they sat down at the table. "Punk." Bucky growled good-naturedly. "I've just felt like it. What do you think of a trip to the Playgarden? "

Morgan cheered, the indoor playground was her favorite! "Well, that's probably decided," Steve smiled. "Ask Thor if they don't want to come too," Bucky suggested. "If you promise not to ogle at my brother again," Steve quipped. “It's always the first time seeing him again, don't worry. I had the whole evening to get used to his blinding looks again. I will be able to behave. “, Bucky sneered. "Well, then gladly. Morgan, what do you mean? Wanna we ask Erik if he wants to come too?” “Erik is coming? Yeah!” “Hope they've got the time, you'd rather have asked beforehand." Bucky gave him a meaningful glance. Steve bit his lip. He was right, if Thor and his family had other plans, they'd have a problem ...

Wherever they were in New York Thor and Jane actually wanted to buy some things they could hardly get in the Arizona desert - but Steve was lucky. Thor suggested that Loki, who wanted to spend the day with Erik, could go with them. Some texts later it was a foregone conclusion. Peter wanted to join them too! Everyone was happy, even Loki. He was pleased to have his godchild with him, no matter where. They made an appointment at eleven o'clock in the play park, where they would also have lunch in the pizza restaurant belonging to it. After a loud and cheerful hello - as if they hadn't split up mere hours earlier - Steve and Peter jumped into the fun with the kids.

With Bucky, the effort of the past few days had come through and Loki was content to watch. They all ate pizza at half past two, and then Peter sat down to flirt a little with the cute girl on the soft-ice machine he seemed to like. A bit of practise couldn't hurt! Erik got tired and Loki put him to sleep in his stroller. Morgan, who was almost a year older, was not a bit tired and dragged her action father Steve to the ball pool. Bucky also wished for a stroller - of course his size - to nap a little. Loki talked to him, comfortably, nothing Bucky had to think about much, and then suggested to get him an espresso. It made him a little more alert and the conversation became more interesting again.

*

In the ball pool, meanwhile, Morgan had messed with a bully who was constantly throwing balls, mainly at other children's heads. The ball pool was huge. There was seating all around for the parents and Steve sat there and watched the bickering. Morgan could not yet verbally represent her position so well, so she built herself up in front of the five-year-old, pulled a pout, put her little fists on her hips and shouted: "Stop, ass-jerk!" “You can't say that! Mommy, the girl said 'ass' and 'jerk'!” The woman who responded happened to be not far from Steve. “Tsas, Jaden, not all children know how to behave. Just look at her hair, not even combed. No wonder she talks like that."

Steve's stomach grew hot with anger. Bucky _had_ combed Morgan's hair in the morning after breakfast. That was just the nature of her unruly curls! And that kid bullied the kids in here and Morgan just didn't know how to make it clear with her limited verbal abilities. "Do you mind?," he said loudly and audibly. "Morgan is right. Your son is a ... I won't repeat it for now, but he's throwing the balls at other children's heads, on purpose. That's not everyone's definition of fun in a ball pool.” “Listen, m ... ", the woman's head had spun around, but when she saw Steve, the intended words got stuck in her throat. After all, he was a picture of a man! And besides ... she narrowed her eyes a bit. "Steve? Steven Stark? Goodness!” His eyes widened. "Melissa?"

*

"I'm glad to see Steven so happy again, and you too, Bucky," Loki said in a casual tone, between two small sips of tea. Bucky frowned a little. He still vividly remembered the family dinner in mid-October, when they had been together with the family for the first time after their reconciliation. He was quickly convinced about Steve having apparently asked his people not to address the sad topic of their marriage crisis. Everyone treated them both ever so carefully, no one made stupid jokes at their expense, as usual, and except for a very significant hug from his father-in-law and a brief pet of his cheek by Pepper, who had had slightly wet eyes, hadn't indicated anything would be different than before all of that had happened.

Bucky had been very happy about it back then. Everything was still fragile and sore and hurting. But in the past few weeks, which had been difficult, it had plagued him every now and then nobody ever touching the subject and he had felt more and more that they didn't actually agree with him and with the way he had tackled the matter. And Steve had probably asked everyone to say anything about it. Because he wasn't fooling himself: they all loved him, yes, but Steve was their son, their brother and he, Bucky, had made it very difficult for him. He looked at Loki thoughtfully, and said: "I know you all have to be so happy about it! I appreciate that no one ever blamed me, but I can't say I understand. And everyone who wants to do so and feels better afterwards has my full understanding.”

His counterpart set the teacup down with measured movements: "I really don't know what you're talking about." Bucky grimaced involuntarily. "I know he told you to leave me alone, but you have to ... you must have been mad at me, and maybe sometimes still are, because nobody has ever cleared this up with me.“ Loki stared at him.

*

"Yes, Steve! It's me!” the woman laughed. The girl with a lot of make-up was still recognizable somewhere in the seriously dressed woman with the business page cut, at least when she laughed. "Your daughter, is she?", She nodded to Morgan. "Sweet little thing, sorry for what I've said about her hair. I suppose it's just like that with them curly-headed kids.” “It is.” Steve replied shortly, still surprised by this sudden, unexpected reunion. "Does she have that hair from her mother? Is she around, too?“, Melissa looked around, but nobody seemed to belong to Steve and his daughter. He caught himself and said: "N-no. That means I don't know. Morgan is adopted.” Since he didn't say anything else, Melissa looked a little uncomfortable for a moment and then giggled nervously.

"Can't you have children or can't she?" That was so much the embarrassing girl he had dated so many years ago making Steve wake from his rigidity. He straightened his shoulders, raised his chin and replied: "Bucky and I adopted her together. We got married almost five years ago.” And if you have anything inappropriate to say about the matter, eat shit, he thought. "The two of you got married? Unbelievable! So Bucky hit the jackpot in the end.” Steve was so angry he had to grit his teeth. "Is he around too?" Melissa asked now. Steve didn't want to say anything about it, he looked her coolly from top to bottom and said:

"You seem to have found your own gold pot too." "What do you mean?", She looked down at herself and laughed: "Oh, that! My husband Dave helped me use my talent in social media and I now manage influencers on the Internet. He had got the start-up capital and I had the good ideas. I also tooh classes in Marketing and Net Business at Community College,” she concluded proudly. Steve couldn't help but resign. Melissa was just like that. Thick-skinned like an elephant, without any tact and opportunistic. He would wish her 'goodbye' for good and look for distance with his husband, child and his brothers. Not that Bucky and Melissa met again in life. That would not end well. Not with comments about jackpots and other first prizes ...

*

"You're disappointing me, Bucky." He opened his mouth in surprise, closed it again and pressed his lips together. "Don't you know me better after all these years? Would I open with a nice note about Steve's well-being that I have something unfriendly to tell you?” Bucky blinked and after he grinned wryly. "Sorry. No of course not. It's not your style.” “Not my style, exactly. But you've made me think with your violent reaction now.” Bucky looked at him alarmed. "Could it be that you have the need to clarify this with us, to represent your side? Or is it a matter of guilt and atonement, to put it in my theater-ey words.” “I ... ", Bucky took a deep breath. "I don't know if I am worth your trust and affection as you all convey to me. I talked to my therapist a lot about it.” Loki's expression remained calm and controlled as usual. "Then you should ask." He picked up his teacup again. "How? N-now ... Just as that?” Bucky stammered, a little pink on the face.

"If you feel like it. I think it's important to you, but the timing doesn't matter. You don't look like you're about to break down because of it. But at some point you have to get this thing out of your system. At least, that's what I advise you to do. Of course, you are not obliged to take my advice only because you think you've hurt my brother so much so you owe me or someone else. You don't owe anything to anyone. Only to yourself and your responsibility.” “.. and my conscience." Bucky exclaimed. "Nah ... The conscience is too subjective a tool for your own judgment, don't you think?" Bucky failed to give him an answer because at that moment Steve came to the table with Morgan placed on his hip." We have to go, drink up. I'm getting Peter!”, With that he was already gone again. Loki and Bucky looked at each other in surprise, the younger one raised a shoulder. "You have been living with him longer than I have ever done. You must understand him better than I do.” Bucky laughed.

*

"Peter," Steve had found his youngest brother at the soft ice cream machine. "Peter! Daddy says he's goin' ithe thkating with us!” “Oh, That's cute! You go ice skating with your little sister?”, The girl with whom he had flirted half-heartedly cooed over him after looking Steve's massive body down and up, smiling at the little girl in his arms. Steve blinked. Had he misheard? Peter laughed and looked like he'd been served double dessert by mistake. "Sorry, I have to go ..." he turned away from the ice cream machine beauty smirking at Steve. "But that's a nice idea Daddy's had, isn't it Morgan?" "Ahem," Steve said, slightly pink in the face. "Was it yours or daddy No. 2's idea?” The slightly choked cough behind him made his grin even wider. "Shut up and start moving, Pete," he grumbled. "Yes, daddy." Steve knew he would get to hear this for a long time. On the way to the table he hissed: "I'm giving you a hundred bucks if Bucky never finds out." Peter chuckled: "I'm not to be bribed! The truth belongs in the light. A teenager's just thought you were old enough to be my father.” “You do look a lot younger than you are.” That was true. However, Steve had believed that of himself, too.

Peter added another one: "Yes, exactly. Like 18 and not like 19 years old. "

*

Steve came back to the table with Morgan and Peter in tow and urged everyone to hurry. Bucky looked him in the face worried. What had gotten into him? "Baby what ..." "Steve! Oh good that I'm still catching you. I want to say hello to Bucky. And there is also ... Is that Peter? He grew up a lot. Peter! Hey Pete, the last time I saw you you were a two years old little crumb.” “It's astonishing how mch children grow in 17 years,” Loki said dryly. He had instantly recognized Steve's somewhat sloppy girlfriend in the woman in front of them, but of course not Peter and Bucky looked somewhat confused too, nevertheless took his hand out to her and put on a polite smile. "Hello."

"Don't you know who I am? It's me, Melissa! You still have batshit crazy hair, incredible!”, She laughed at him. Bucky had let go of her hand in surprise, as if he had burned herself, which she missed. She continued chattering as if nothing was strange about this situation. Actually, it really wasn't. The only thing that made the whole thing strange was Steve, who stepped from one foot to the other, blushed and looking like he was dying a thousand deaths. "You look very good, Melissa," his husband said to his greatest surprise. "What are you doing now?" Melissa proudly shared her steep career sponsored by her husband Dave, who was waiting in the background with their little boy. "Well, then you used your talents. Just like me. I got my self a multimillionaire, charming and irresistible as I am.”

This sentence triggered a series of open mouths, namely hers, Steve's, and Peter's. Loki, who was hiding a satisfied smirk behind his cool features, took Morgan's hand and pushed Erik's stroller away: “Let's go. Goodbye.” On the way out he looked at his brother-in-law and winked. "Touché, Bucky." "The girl at the ice cream stand has thought Steve was my father!" Peter blurted out. Now Bucky looked like he'd gotten double dessert. They took the kids to Pier17, where Bucky and Peter were skating with Morgan while Steve was talking to Loki, who hadn't paid any much more attention to his older brother after Erik had woken up, so Steve watched his daughter affectionately, the way she pushed a penguin on runners under Bucky's supervision, while Peter, who was a talented ice skater, made all kinds of complicated figures and jumps on the ice.

*

Much later, Bucky was lying in bed reading a complicated looking machine manual, Steve came out of the bathroom and stopped next to him. "Baby ...?" "Hm?" He took the brochure from Bucky and placed it upside down on the bedside table. "Hey!" Bucky protested. "I've been a bit surprised today by what you said to Melissa." "Oh, you've been?" Bucky smiled widely, "I haven't noticed." "Jerk. I'm serious.” “You know, I've actually wanted to tell her something I could be sure would really impress her. Building a repair shop won't ever have the same impact on her as getting married to a millionaire, so, here I am, a millionaire's trophy husband…” Steve blinked and had to laugh.

"You're a _devil_." "Is that so, sweetheart?" Bucky purred and Steve crawled under the covers. Morgan had begged a bit, but actually it had taken no effort to get to sleepover at her grandparents, where Erik was. "And, is my devilish trophy husband willing to come up with something with enough impact to really impress _me_?" Steve whispered, nibbling on his earlobe. "My amazing creativity and my infinite ingenuity could definitely help out with that." "And the fact you're charming and irresistible making the whole thing even nicer." Bucky kissed Steve on the tip of his nose, leaned over to his bedside table, opened a drawer and fished a sleeping eye mask out. Steve raised his eyebrows. "Is this all of it?"

"No, 't isn't ..." Bucky breathed, also pulling out the belt of his silk dressing gown, which hadn't been in its loops, where it belonged, for quite a long time. "And ... what have you come up with now, in detail?" "I think my millionaire could also come up with a little something. After all, his trophy husband worked hard to fish for said millionaire." Steve's eyes flashed: "Then a certain millionaire could play a bit with his ... main prize – his _jackpot_..” “I am very much for it," Bucky whispered while Steve pushed him the sleeping mask over his eyes ... "Don't you dare," Steve whispered. Bucky gave a sweet and innocent smile: "What is it, _Daddy?_ " "Ooh I'll get you for that!" “T'is a promise?” Steve shut up Bucky's cheeky mouth with his lips.

Both had learned a lot since their engagement days. It had taken some time and they had actually made progress only after their breakup this year. Steve had learned to communicate his desires without fear, without embarrassment, and without the feeling rejection would mean Bucky no longer loved him. Bucky had learned to give up control, trust Steve more in bed, give him the reigns from time to time and surrender himself completely to him. Steve had also learned to be more patient, to interpret signals better and to react to them promptly and above all in the right way. And Bucky had learned if Steve wanted to try out something new, it didn't mean their sex had suddenly become stale and boring. And he had finally learned to be a loving, responsible top.

In the meantime, in their love life, they had come to the point where their roles were no longer fixed, the boundaries blurred, and, although neither of them thought it possible, their sex life had reached a new dimension of fantastic. Bucky had also learned to finally tell his husband he would rip off his balls and feed 'em to him the next time he cheated. Well, of course it was only meant metaphorical, but it was meaningful nonetheless and Steve would better not be a betting man! He didn't want to at that. ... And after nearly two hours, during which Steve had spoiled and teased his blindfolded and bend lover artfully, driving him mad while doing so, when he was well prepared and Steve entered him, he freed his hands so he could get them on him, all over his body. It was heaven on earth for both of them, and they came together - which was much more common now than ever before ...

They were able to sleep in the next day and Steve took Bucky some coffee to bed around nine. He sipped the aromatic drink full of comfort and they chatted, leaning against the headboard (on which the dressing gown belt was still attached), comfortably about how wonderful it was to simply live in the morning. "Crazy, right? To meet Melissa again, out of the blue.” Bucky grinned. Steve had _not_ learned to be subtle, and Bucky wouldn't want the beloved man any different. "What?" He called defensively. "Spit it out, baby. What's going on with you?” Bucky replied lovingly. Steve sighed. "You always see through me." "Nah, not always. Come on, tell me, Stevie.” He took a deep breath. "A little more than half a year ago, you would never have bragged about being married to a millionaire, no matter to whom and in which situation and for whatever reason," Steve said bravely. Bucky put his cup down next to him.

"Steven. I've told you before: I don't say 'yes' when I mean 'no' - not when it is important. Giving in to squandering your money was one of the hardest things I've done in life." He saw Steve prepare to speak and raised his index finger, "I'm not done yet." Steve gave him a jerk with his head making him go on. "Even if we're leaving every penny of your money in the bank, always add your teacher salary and I manage all of our living costs alone, there will always be people who think I married you for your money. I don't care - today. I know it's not like that and more importantly, you know it, too. Everyone else ... Pfff, fuck it. People always think what they want to think. Their envy doesn't disregard me. It's making me valuable. You have to earn envy in the first place. I've finally come to this conclusion - late, but it's better than never. I conquered you, won your love, I've deserved to be with you and I do everything so nothing changes, Stevie, _everything_! "

Steve swallowed and his eyes were already wet. Bucky was also emotionally weakened. “Bucky...", Steve had to clear his throat, "I don't know if you've ever said something that nice to me...", he sent a little happy sob afterwards. Bucky looked mocked hurt. "Listen! Just as examples: Don't forget your breakfast ... Would you like Chicken Ayam for dinner ... Your tax return is ready ... Your beautiful eyes are driving me crazy ... and last but not least: I want to marry you." Steve chuckled. "I love you." "Good for you. After every ever so nice sweet words I'm giving you." "And not only that. Even after all the nice things you always do to me."

"Steven, it's not even ten o'clock, everything with me is still dead at this time." "I sure can change that quickly," Steve's eyes glittered wantonly. "Make yourself unhappy, you punk. As if you didn't know ... ", the rest went down in a rigorous kissing attack ... When Bucky's phone vibrated on the bedside table, he freed himself laughing. He looked at the display. Ricky. Bucky frowned. The number of times his second chief mechanic called him from the workshop on a day off could be counted on one hand in six years. He answered the call with an apologetic glance at Steve. "Ricky?" "Hey boss. Sorry, I'm disturbing. There is an error in the emission measurement software. Brent and I've tried everything, but we don't understand nearly as much of it as you do. If we don't get on with it soon, we can rather take some time off too, but the orders are due today, so ... I'm sorry. "

"Ricky. It's all right, I'm coming in... ", he roughly estimated briefly, "40 minutes from now." He lowered the phone and looked guiltily at Steve. He smiled: "Sweetheart, it's fine. Barnes' Motor Barn is your shop, your baby. Go and make it purr like you always do. I'm so proud of you.” Bucky swallowed. "I love you, Steve." "I know, go now! They need you.” After a quick shower, Bucky was in his pick-up on the highway towards the city less than 15 minutes later and thought:

_How could I have left this wonderful man, my star of eyes, my everything, my life? Risk this woman gonna take him away from me ... Was I out of my mind? And everyone has to hate me for it. The way I hate myself..._

That damned guilt complex. Amanda Harper would have her fun with Mr Barnes again in their next session ...


	118. The beginning of something wonderful

**The beginning of something wonderful**

Shortly after Thanksgiving and before the stress with this year's seasonal play, for which Loki was responsible, started, Loki's first 'real-life' date with Will was due. They would meet halfway in Chicago to spend a few days together - to see where it could go. After the family brunch, Thor had taken him home to spend some more time alone with him. Loki had been packing for some days. He was nervous and undecided what feelings were the most pressing in him. There was joy - of course, but also fear, above all not to do justice to the image William had of him. He knew he was never as eloquent in a conversation as in the written word and he was also worried his unusually weak sex drive would spoil this short vacation ...

There was so much between them they only had scratched, didn't talk out, didn't communicate ... What if Will didn't like the way he looked? That his lover knew what Loki looked like, because he knew who Loki was, what he had told him in their next chat after their confessions, but which he made no further comment about, which could mean he had been fantasizing about something completely different - had imagined someone else entirely ... Or William liked the way he looked too _much_ \- and Loki would not be able to fulfill his physical needs ... He got more and more doubts the closer his trip came - it literally gave him a stomachache. He made them tea and when he sat down in the living room with Thor, he eyed him critically. "You are white as a sheet. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong ... I'll be in Chicago for some days next week to meet William." Thor was silent for a little while, thinking. "This doesn't give you _only_ joy." Loki raised his hands a little helplessly. "It's a big deal for me, as you can imagine." "I can imagine very well. If you're not ready for it, tell him.” “That's it! I _am_ ready! Only ... the thought, expectations might not be fulfilled ... Oh, Thor. I'm simply scared.” “What are your expectations, which may not be fulfilled?” “ _Mine?_ Rather, I think I cannot fulfill his. I've never set expectations in a person and always let them speak for themselves, I'm not so keen on the concept with expectations.” “Why do you think he's different?”

"I dont know. I've never embarked on an adventure like this - engaging in love...", Loki sighed in agony, "I don't think you would expect this from a man my age. And from me, Loki Stark, at that...” “What exactly do you mean?” “Well, I've told you Will googled me because him, as a theater fan was puzzled by my name. I mean, 'Loki' is certainly not a common name.” His brother nodded knowingly. "I googled myself for the sake of interest so I could get an idea of what kind of image he might have built." "And?" "Do it yourself. Come on, right away, just for fun, and tell me what you would think as a stranger.” Thor raised his eyebrows and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Correctly interpreting his brother's gesture, he typed his name into the search bar.

In addition to the facts and his professional background, his steep career and the family history, Loki's field of activity in the dazzling world of theater naturally meant there was a lot of gossip circling around him. Premiere photos in attractive female - or male - company, interviews with people working with him, tasteless one-liners in the yellow press. Loki was Tony Stark's son, a bachelor, a millionaire, successful and with an apparently fluid sexuality. A feast for the press ... "I see..." Thor said slowly after a couple of minutes. "I'm coming off as a playboy! _Me!_ Isn't it laughable?” “The world wants their new Tony Stark. And you have been a bit of a playboy, to be honest.” Thor laughed. Loki came up with: "Well perhaps. But not to this...”, he gesticulated to the StarkPad: “...extent! You bourgeois men of elder brothers I've got, got me into something."

"Bourgeois men?" Thor snorted, amused. "Come on: None of you handsome lads went the way. If one of you had pushed the boat out in his 20s, they wouldn't jump at me now.” Thor laughed shaking his head. "You've gotten yourself into something with a spotlight career, I would say, little brother." "I guess. Foolish me." "And now your problem is what exactly?" "I don't know what William is expecting in me. I can not imagine the picture he has made of me will coincide with reality.” “Hopefully your William will not have gotten an image of you from the gossip press.” “But it will not have surpassed past him without any influence on his picture of me, either. What he's seen, maybe read, he cannot ignore.” “But maybe he wants to. If you're asking him."

"How in the world would I do that?" “You've mailed him you love him, you will be able to mail what's scaring you.” Loki hesitated a long time with his answer, looked in his lap and found that he was nervously tugging on his fingernails. A tick the last time he had found himself with at the age of 15. Annoyed, he forced his hands to rest. "Loki ...", he looked up. The loving, worried look of his big brother gave him strength. "Thor, what if he doesn't want me anymore after knowing me, my messy self?" Thor folded his hands and rested his chin on them, in search for the right words. "Do _you_ still want him when he wants you to change?" "Maybe he's worth it." "You've been fighting your whole life not to have to bend, at least in your private moments. Nothing and noone in the world should be worth turning you into a person who's not you."

"Maybe this is my chance to be someone who's _in_ me. Someone who is as valuable as all of you are, worth to be loved...” “Loki!” Thor called sharply. "You _are_ loved! You are valuable just the way you are. The expectations a person has of love cannot change this. You deserve someone to love you for who you are. I know I can easily talk when the greatest happiness in my life has fallen into my lap. But: you have to have trust. Being in love is magnificent, but it's also terrible in its magnificence. It turns human beings into insecure idiots. You are experiencing this for the first time in life. Of course it scares you. But you have to give yourself this chance. Get involved with it. Don't make the mistake of allowing your fear to control you. Write to him. Write down everything for him. He'll definitely want to see you anyway. You will be able to solve out all of it, you gotta have some faith. "

"It will change everything ... This past months have been blissful, I could go on forever. But I also know standing still makes a bad bedfellow. A love relationship needs liveliness - not standstill. And if I never dare to take the next step, this love will fade to a stale reverberation of what could have been.” Loki's shoulders were raised, his eyebrows pulled together in a painful line, and the tick with his fingernails was once again overtaking him. Thor was hurting to see him like this. But he also knew he was right. Being in love was terrible in its magnificence ... "Brother ..." he said firmly. Loki looked at him openly and full of trust. "Be daring. Send him a mail. Share your fears and concerns with him and then go to him and see what comes of it. You will regret - if not so quickly, but still - if you don't."

Loki took a deep breath nodding thoughtfully. "You're right. Thank you, brother.” “I have to leave, our flights ..” “Yes, yes, I know, have a good one. I'm keeping you updated."

*

William Harrington counted the days until he would finally face his beloved Laufeyson, his _Lauf_ \- Loki. The first time he could bring a smile to his beautiful melancholy eyes ... which he hopefully could. He thought he was a terrible person and was ashamed of himself because he hadn't been able to resist the urge to learn more about Loki. His first foray into Google Search some others followed and he was intrigued. Clips from interviews sometimes made him sad because the politely distant smile of the black curly-haired man with the aristocratic features never reached his gorgeous eyes ... And he seemed to be quite tall, he estimated him to be far taller than six feet – and as most of gay men with an average height William Harrington was a sucker for tall men! His career was impressive - considering his age - he had achieved a lot. And apparently he was one of New York's most hunted down bachelors - like his famous father once had been ...

It was no wonder: he was rich, attractive and successful. He was credited with countless affairs, with men and women from the theater scene - but he knew this information should be treated with caution. It hadn't been hidden from William that Loki did not attach great importance to sex. Their conversations, even if they revolved around deepest feelings through which they were most connected, were very rarely of an erotic nature. Loki was a wonderful, fascinating riddle to him ... He had never asked William for a picture. What he looked like didn't seem to matter. This was another indication of the lack of physicality in their relationship. Well, he wasn't a man who had ever had excessive love relationships, but he was convinced love could be enriched with it. He decided to put condoms and lube in his wash bag ... However, he was well aware he might as well unpack both unused in a few days. It only saddened him a little ...

*

_"My dear Will! The day of my departure is getting closer.” “Or let's call it the day we meet at last. I can hardly wait!” “I feel the same way. I long to be able to look you in the eye and take your hand while talking. A hard time lies ahead of me after my return and these days with you in Chicago will fulfill me and surround me with the right magic to endure this year's season of love, warmth and Christmas happiness.” “I had to laugh, dear! Enduring the Christmas party at university is a Herculean task. I don't want to imagine how you will suffer in New York, surrounded by glamor, glitter and actors - all professional liars. Students and doctorals are at least not very subtle and I only have to be a little vigilant.”_

“ _I've read the article about opportunistic doctoral students you sent me with interest. Are there countless wine racks and fully automatic coffee machines in your home, which were supposed to make you soft when evaluating their doctoral theses?” “I've only saved some very few 'gifts'. One thing would probably interest you: A real old edition of Goethe's well-known ballad: 'Erlking',” “Who rides there so late through the night dark and drear?” “Exactly. Do you like horses?” “I had been riding every now and then on the farm where we always went on vacation, but haven't done so for quite some time. But horses are interesting animals. Sometimes a weird blade of grass gets them out of the concept, while the tractor racing past them leaves them cold.” “Vacation on a farm? You have had an interesting life - for millionaires ...” “I have never been to St. Tropez for example.” “I can not imagine it to have any appeal to you.” “And with that you are, like so often, just right, love."_

_"Well, I hope Chicago has something to offer for you. If you want to, we can go for a horse ride.” “William. I'm scared of this trip.”_ Now he had written it out. It was burned into the eternity of the internet ... (will it come between them?) ... unmistakable and irreversible. William swallowed, hesitated and closed his eyes briefly. Oh Loki ... _Lauf!_ It wasn't that he hadn't suspected this, or even expected. Loki had sounded a little reluctant about the upcoming meet-up a few times. _"Lauf ... I am very sorry, but I have every understanding if it's too soon for you - but I cannot deny how much it would disappoint me not to be able to finally meet you in person. What makes you hesitate? Maybe I can do something about it.” “I am heartbroken to disappoint you wishing I shared your determination. But I have never been a man of action - only I have always been a man of words.” “Nobody can do so as well as you. Perhaps you would like to use words to explain what's unsettling you? "_

_"Will, I love you. I love our conversations, comparing notes with you. I have never felt so close to anyone and connected to someone as with you.” “That makes me very happy.” “I'm happy too, but I'm also a coward. Life has never required me to be so brave. Because life has never given me anything as incredible as what I've got with you. The preciousness scares me. Fear of losing the first and only thing making me whole and complete. Do you understand? Oh, what am I asking, of course you understand!” “I understand you very well, completely and wholesome, my darling. I also understand if you are not ready to do this right now - but not without a good deal of regret. I long for you, for your wonderful voice, which I hope something I say will give it a warm tinge in your answer. I long for the animated way you speak with your shapely hands. I know I'm a bit of a stalker, but man is a weak creature and I don't want to hide from you that I wanted to know more about you - wanted to see more of you! I love you after all! "_

_"Have I offended you by never asking for a picture?" “It suits you perfectly: you don't want anything out of appearance.” “Would you like me to have one?”_ William hesitated. He was in no way in Loki's 'league', who was a very handsome man - dramatically attractive in an unusual way. But ... Loki - his love - didn't seem to care much about appearance. _"Why are you only asking now, after months?" "Months ... We have been writing for over a year ..." "Yes, I am aware of this. I would have your question in the forum tattooed if I were the man for tattoos.” “What was it again?” “As if you no longer knew. But I consider this a very welcome coquetry.”_ Loki had to laugh at this. Said question in a thread about Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre was: 'Does anyone else find the paragon of virtue as hideous as I do?' A wild discussion arose from it, in which the user 'Laufeyson' had to face severe hostility ... William had written to him privately: 'The 'paragon of virtue' has pretty low standards in choosing her husband.' - the rest was history ...

_"You're right. I still remember as if it was yesterday. Have you decided on the matter with the picture?”_ William shrugged and chose one from a small collection of eligible pictures which showed him casually in a polo shirt and jeans on a boat trip with colleagues. He smiled broadly at the camera, his dark brown, curly and slightly too long hair windswept and he had a slight sunburn - Englishman (from Northern England), who he was ... But he changed his mind: _"You will have to be patient. I'd rather surprise you. Since I will recognize you when I see you, we are not going to miss each other. But I'll give you my phone number, just in case of an emergency.” “You know I'm not a fan of calls ...” “Maybe you like the announcement on my mailbox ...” “You know to put a man in excitement - I'm now actually looking forward to Chicago. I have to pack a little more. See you in two days, love!” William Harrington was very relieved. "I'm delighted, beloved!"_

_*_

The early flight on a Thursday was not fully booked. Of course, Loki was fine with it. He and Will had arranged to meet at the Art Institute of Chicago in the late morning. ( _"In front of the ugliest painting! I'm curious to see if I'm right." - "If not, I can have you called out." - "Little William would like to be picked up from art lover's hell?_ " William smiled amused. _"Unfortunately then you still can't find me if you are wrong, can you?” - “Then I'm calling, despair even makes me overcome the aversion to calls.” - ”Despair?” - “Well, not knowing what you really think the ugliest painting in this extraordinary collection is would plunge me into deep despair, even into a crisis of meaning.” - “Oh, please don't, dear, you are definitely not wrong, after all you never are…” “I'm afraid when you're spending more time with me, this appearance of infallibility will begin to flicker.” - “And reveal the person behind the infallible ... I can't wait."_ Loki smiled happily and switched his phone off at the flight attendant's request.

Loki, who loved elegant luxury, cleanliness, discretion and perfection when he went on one of his rare vacations, had a room at the Ritz on the Magnificent Mile, Chicago's Grand Avenue. _Not a suite, after all, what am I humble_ , he thought ironically. He unpacked and dressed carefully for his date (the most important date of his life!): Dark gray trousers, a shirt the same color and an emerald-green sweater with a V-neck. Just don't give the over-the-top weirdo too much the first time ... He went to their date earlier than agreed - much earlier - looked around, but decided after having made his choice on the website of the art museum in advance, actually for his first bet ... With a pounding heart, he waited the 20 minutes before his date in front of the Rothko …

"I've known you would find it: the ugliest painting." Loki closed his eyes briefly, smiled in relief. The deep voice behind him was very pleasant - downright beautiful. Loki _loved_ beautiful voices ... Slowly he turned. His heart stopped for a moment. No one had ever looked at him like this before ... William Harrington was quite a bit shorter than him and of average stature. His dark brown hair looked like it had grown out of a real hairstyle, and soft curls stood out in all directions. His fair skin underlined the very dark eyes and the almost dramatically red, finely cut lips. He was wearing what Bucky always called a 'teacher's uniform': cargo pants and a red and white checked shirt. But Loki's eyes - luckily his heart had started to beat again, albeit very quickly - had found back to Will's face after the brief inspection. The expression in it - boundless joy and love and a kind of 'every square inch of what I see must be stored in my memory _and_ my heart' - was still there!

"Will ..." he whispered, raising his arms awkwardly. His lover took a brave step and hugged Loki tightly. The top of his head actually barely reached up to his nose and when he looked up at him - that unique look was still there - Loki bowed his head and gently pressed his lips to an eyebrow. The happy sigh of Will did not escape him, of course. The whole exchange of looks, embrace, and affection, which had seemed like an eternity, had actually taken only seconds, and when they broke apart, looking at each other again at arm's length, both giggled. "Mark Rothko, the hottest shit, right?" Loki grinned widely: "It's a bit like Jane Eyre - everyone loves her, but actually she's hideous." “I mean, come on, take another look - if you dare so - three broad stripes of paint ... I've seen better make-up art on bleary-eyed, hungover students!"

"My two-year-old nephew makes better art - in his diaper." William breathed out a hearty chuckle, after he became serious: "I am glad you are here - no, not glad, delighted." "You've had doubts?" “Haven't you planted some of those doubts into me?”, he smiled warmly "Oh, Will...", Loki smiled wryly," I'm also happy I'm here. Genuinely so." “Let's look at better paintings, right now!" William laughed and took Loki's hand, pulled him vigorously to another room, where they found themselves in front of Grant Wood's 'American Gothic'. "Splendidly depressing." "Yes, isn't it? You can actually see her resignation: 'Thank you, Dad, for wedding me to the pitchfork-armed bastard.' “But you have to admit, Grant got to the point! Nobody can tell me he wanted to present a picture of love and happiness within this.” This tone went on for hours - painting after painting was admired, discussed (or dismissed in delightful words) and they were nearly always of the same opinion.

William Harrington would never have thought the feelings he had developed for Loki in their online relationship - much deeper than most people on this planet have ever experienced - could be increased. He was taught otherwise. Loki Stark's vibrant way of talking about things moving him, with wildly gesticulating ( _beautiful)_ hands, the fire in his piercing-blue eyes, the urge in his supportive, melodious voice ... After a short time, Will was so much more in love with him then he had ever been in life or even thought it was possible. But he kept himself in check carefully. He knew his beloved was still a bit reluctant, he would take more time to get fully involved with this. It wasn't bad - not bad at all - every second with _Lauf_ was wonderful!

Loki was overwhelmed. How easy it was to communicate deep feelings and private thoughts amongst the two of them! When people talked about art - talked honestly - they revealed so much about themselves and their nature, he had always known and felt so. That was also the reason why he didn't like going to exhibitions with people who were not close to him - so far he had only ever been to them with his mother ... With Will it was a new wonderful experience. The day flew by and it was already dark when they left the museum when it closed at six. "Are you hungry as well? Or is it too early for a dinner?” “Do you mean generally too early at this time of day or too early especially for me to let you ask me out for dinner.” Loki teased. William stopped and had to laugh. "I haven't said anything about 'asking you out'. You're a millionaire, I'm a mere teacher!" The 'millionaire' cocked his head, glared cheekily at him, tease in his eyes, and said: "Where we millionaires dine, you would be stared at in this outfit."

William looked down at himself and smirked. "Oh. But it was chosen carefully. Under no circumstances did I want to come over desperate and overdressed - I guess I overdid it a little in the different direction.” “I haven't thought much of it. My brother is a teacher. It's something like your uniform.” Will giggled. "I've got other clothes with me, evening wear - but none like millionaires are wearing - only those of teachers." "Black cargo pants and check shirt without any red?" The linguistics professor burst out laughing. "Would you be nicer to me if I actually _had_ asked you out for dinner?" “Now that I am asking out you, you have to endure my impudence and impertinence.” “I have not yet agreed.” “This will save me from calling the concierge and changing my dinner reservation from Sinlge to Double.” “Do I have to deny?” "Please don't." Both of their voices had lost none of their lightness and teasing in it, but their eyes were lost in each other's, icy blue met chocolate brown and surprisingly the warmth in the icy blue ones was in no way inferior to that in the chocolate brown ones...

"Give me time to change ..." Will asked. "Reservation at half past seven long enough for that?" William checked his watch, a good hour. "Would be enough. Where are we going?” “I'm at Ritz-Carlton.” “ _Oh._ Oh, well ... well, of course I've been there often for dinner - the lobster is quite good, but the pheasant in truffle sauce was a bit dry last time." Loki narrowed his eyes a little. “I can have the reservation moved to the new restaurant in there - an interesting project, called 'Back to the Roots', where they're cooking like in the first house in London. Boiled lamb in mint sauce. You as an Englishman certainly will appreciate this cuisine...” “But you are malicious!” "This is innate, a peculiarity of mine, without which I am not available.” “I guess I have to grow a thick skin.” “Now you're first growing into appropriate dressing - go change." "Malicious _and_ bossy - goodness!" "Wait for what is to come.", Loki turned away and waved for a taxi. He offered Will the car that stopped, gallantly held the door open for him and then waved for one for himself. Satisfied, he leaned against the backrest. This was ... it went well! More than well! He sent Thor a 'thumbs up' and immediately got back a widely grinning emoji.

The more than successful first day was followed by three more. On the last evening they dined in a small intimate seafood restaurant near the Navy Pier with a view of Michigan Lake and drew a conclusion. This relationship worked. They loved each other - also _off_ line - and would consider how to make it work with Loki in New York and Will in Winnipeg, but both were determined to find the perfect solution and were confident. The dinner was followed by a walk on the promenade, where they held each other's hands all the time. Of course, Will couldn't know, so Loki told him: It was something he had never done in his life ... William squeezed his hand fondly and was very happy. He was of course very attracted to the gorgeous beloved man, but the fact he would have to put the condoms and lube unused in his bathroom cabinet back home in Winnipeg was nothing that would get him into a deep crisis. What they had got together was so much more. So much more valuable!

Loki insisted on taking him to his hotel and asked him to have another glass of wine with him to say goodbye. They would only find time to meet again in the new year. Once at FOUND, his hotel, William headed for the hotel bar, but Loki stopped him. "Can we have a bottle come to your room? I don't want to have anyone around me except you, when my grief about our impending parting is overwhelming.” “Oh, Lauf ... there's no need for grief - regret, yes, I feel it too - but no grief. This is not an end, it is only the beginning. The beginning of something wonderful!” Loki looked at him briefly, as if scrutinizing. "We _can_ go to the bar if you want to." William felt Loki's insecurity and he knew that noisy messy people was something he didn't like and in a hotel bar it could get very noisy and messy at this time of night ... The fact the intimacy of his small hotel room with the King Size bed and no other noteworthy furniture, apart from a small writing desk - hardly bigger than his laptop to fit on, would do things to himself, to his imagination, he had to suppress for the sake of it ..."But no, let's go upstairs, I'll call room service."

The conversation they had, settled on the carpet in the small space the room only offered, between bed and door, was somewhat monosyllabic and sluggish by their standards, and when Will held out his empty wine glass to Loki for a refill, he took it away without further ado, put glasses and wine bottle aside. Will's eyes widened when Loki came closer, knelt between his legs (he was leaning against the bed) and looked down at him. He took his face in both hands, tenderly and yet determined, and lowered the black curly head to press his finely cut lips on Will's mouth ... The kiss was long and intimate and with no other in his 36 years and six months on earth to compare ... He left him breathless and floating and the look Loki gave him afterwards elicited an undignified squeak from him. Loki _wanted_ him. Undoubtedly ...

Loki Stark was a magnificent lover - he approached this matter (as little as he liked his unwelcome desire blinding him, he couldn't help it) with the same precision and serious determination, with passion and ambition and love for perfection, as everything in his life to which he attached importance. And this, his love for Will, this overwhelming, unexpected and yet more than welcome dedication and connection and - _yes, love!_ \- was more important than anything he had ever done in his life. The night in a hotel bed at the shabby FOUND Hotel in Chicago was the most beautiful one in William Harrington's life - and it was likely that some other of them might follow ... He had ended up in heaven! How had it happened, how had he deserved this? The moment he asked himself, his lover whispered: "I haven't known one can desire someone so much, want to be one with someone so much ... I haven't known. And I'm happy about it! Because now I can experience this with you for the first time, it's perfecting my - _our_ \- bliss. We are made for each other. William, my Will ... I love you. Never let go of me again.” “Never, beloved, I could not. Never!"

The two emojis Thor Stark found in his inbox the next morning made him laugh incredulously and got him very pleased: An eggplant and the one that smirked so smugly … _Well done, little brother!_


	119. And Another Intermezzo

**And Another Intermezzo**

Jane and Thor were having breakfast. Erik stayed with a friend, the son of one of Jane's colleagues. She went through some last night's data - meticulously collected and sorted by Darcy - when an amused chuckle by Thor made her look up. He put his phone back and when he looked into her questioning eyes, a satisfied smile was on his attractive face. Jane's heart fluttered a bit and she sighed under her breath. "Has Loki texted again?" Fortunately, Thor had 'permission' to talk to Jane about 'the matter'. Loki knew after all, otherwise Thor would probably burst at some point! He could be sure the two of them would hold back to the family until he was ready to tell them all about Will. He and Jane had become good friends, and of all Thor's relatives, to him the scientist was closest. Sometimes her guilty conscience plagued her a little, because of hiding this from her mother-in-law, she knew how much she cared about Loki and his salvation. But a promise was a promise ...

"Yes, he has. He and William have obviously gotten along very well.” “What's he writing? What did they do together?” Thor's grin widened and he pulled out his phone again, holding the not so cryptic message under her nose. It took Jane a moment to understand. Then she burst out laughing. That silly vegetable emoji as code for 'I had sex' would never have been associated with her cultured brother-in-law she would have claimed. She went to the fridge to took out a cucumber. "Unfortunately eggplants are out." With these words, she put the cucumber onto his plate. Thor looked at her a little confused. She smiled mischievously with merrily blinking eyes. "Do you want to tell me something, my beautiful one?", He understood now and his voice was colored by an unmistakable undertone. His eyes were flashing too, quite seductively. "I would have a little time for indecent vegetables." Thor laughed. "What about your data, dearest?" “I'm pregnant - if I take a little longer in the morning to start working, everyone understands.” Thor kissed her fingertips and stood up smoothly. "At your service ma'am. Time for indecent vegetables. "

Jane knew, of course, Darcy would not believe a word of morning sickness. Like in her first pregnancy, she was quite fine, bursting with energy. Besides, her friend had already indicated more than once she was surprised Jane could even get out of her handsome boyfriend's bed. Sometimes she wondered about it herself ...

*

In early December, Bucky asked Peter over to talk shop about StarkSpy.

"Take a look at this, buddy: I've managed to break through the firewall and overlay the feed from the surveillance camera in the driveway with old material. The HomeSecurity system noticed no unusual activity, but StarkSpy detected it!” “Wow! Your home security system is pretty secure as far as I can tell. You could probably have overturned entire regimes with your talent in computer science!” Peter exclaimed exuberantly. Bucky's eyes grew a little gloomy. "I guess I haven't made the best of myself." Despite his advances in therapy, it still nagged Bucky that his father accused him of 'only' running a car repair shop - with his good grades, excellent qualifications and his talents ... "But you have, Bucky!" He looked up into the honest, friendly face of his young brother-in-law.

"You do exactly what you've always wanted. Not many people can say that!” “Oh gosh. There he was, a man in his 30s and a 19-year-old pouring his wisdom on him ...” He snorted in amusement. "Looked at that way, I guess I'm a winner." "You are, Bucky," Peter said seriously. “I mean look at you! You have fulfilled your dreams, you've got your own shop, are your own boss, you've got a beautiful home, an amazing daughter and ... you're married to your best friend." Bucky looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. Then he took heart: "Pete ... What happened in summer ... um ... You have to know something, namely that I was in terrible shape and needed the distance and the time." “We don't have to talk about it.“ , the nervous tone and the hunched shoulders of his brother-in-law hurt Bucky. He looked to the side for a moment, a little annoyed, because they could all really stop touching him with kid gloves! "But I _do_ think so! Listen: what you've said about me sounding like I'm a person who has their life under control, perfectly in order. But I am not! It is no secret that I am undergoing therapy with an extremely well-mentioned psychologist and that I am badly in need of it! "

“But Bucky ... that's no shame! Of course not, that sounded idiotic, please excuse me. But what I've said about you is still true! You're a… great man!” Bucky snorted in amusement. “With enough flaws and enough errors in my life's résumé that it will last for countless therapeutic sessions for a long time. Peter! It was wrong to distance myself from all of you. This family has never shown me anything but love and support and I have thanked you badly. I'm really sorry.” Peter was pretty speechless. “I've just wanted you to know. My pain, my bitterness, my cursed pride, and my inability to accept the slightest bit of benevolence when I have nothing to offer in return has caused all of you grief, and there is nothing to justify or even excuse my behavior. Still, I'm sorry, Pete. Sincerely and honestly sorry." The fact Bucky's voice had lost more and more of its firmness with his words touched Peter.

"Thank you," he said simply. “You know, you may think all of this about yourself - no, you _know,_ after all, you're pretty smart. The thing about you not being flawless and having sometimes made wrong decisions, I mean. But it is only human and you mustn't ask more of yourself than this: to be human. You are a good person and we did not suffer because we were mad at you, but because we love you and would have loved to be there for you.” Now Bucky was speechless and urgently needed to blow his nose. That his eyes were wet, no hard feelings! But a stuffy nose, _that_ he hated! "Excuse me for a moment!" With those very muffled words he hurried out of the room.

When he came back shortly after, Peter took heart: "I need your advice." "That, after you've been just so wise, but go ahead, I'll do my best." "There is this girl - Michelle, _MJ_ \- and we've been good friends since freshman year - very good friends - and now ... I like her. I _like-_ like her.” Bucky smiled suppressed. Déjà-vu! "I sometimes think she might like me too, like in _like_ and as we all know, it was the same for you with Steve and ..." Bucky interrupted him: "Tell her." "W-what?" Peter giggled nervously. Bucky sighed. “Much of the heartache plaguing me at your age was not knowing if Steve likes me back. I mean _like_ -like..." , he teased. Peter chuckled. Indeed, he had been told a lot about the game of cat and mouse so many years ago. He smirked at him. Bucky growled, “Yeah, funny, isn't it? It's not so funny anymore when you think of yourself and Michelle, is it?” Peter fell silent.

"Pete. I know exactly how you feel. I was so scared of losing Steve's friendship. It was the most important thing in my life!", Bucky's voice was passionate and urgent, "But: What could have torn this friendship apart? A crush that just happens at this age? And yes! I know it's not a crush for you - oh, I know it very well! I was way past a mere crush before I got to the point to seriously consider telling him. But I could have argued for a simple crush, if. Couldn't I?” Peter hung on Bucky's lips, but looked away tactfully for a moment because his brother-in-law stole a tear from the corner of his eye with his knuckles. “Nothing is worse than uncertainty, Peter. Nothing. I was a bloody coward. Fortunately, your brother is a brave man ... And you are sure to be, too. Tell her.” Peter swallowed. “But, MJ is - I can't find another word – larger than life. She is so _much_! Strong and smart and confident. And she's always had to fight so much to get what she wanted. And me? I'm a spoiled brat who can be doing whatever he wants ... she must despise me."

Bucky, who knew a little about Michelle Jones (what Steve, with whom Peter texted and called regularly, was telling him during marital bedroom small talk...), took a deep breath. "Pal. I was certainly not in exactly the same position as Michelle, after all, I'm from a relatively wealthy background, but: I've never seen Steve like this: a spoiled brat – he _is_ a brat, but not a spoiled one.” Peter chuckled. His brother-in-law went on: “Believe me. Never. All of you Stark boys are not spoiled brats. Not at all. And Michelle knows it too." Peter smiled shyly at him. "Well, I don't know ... MJ has to work so hard to go to Harvard and I ... well." "So ... what's that all about? Nobody bought your MIT scholarship! You are very gifted, Peter. If she blames you for that, she's not the one.” Peter blinked. "How do I tell her?" Bucky smiled to himself. “Your brother found very nice words back then: 'I can't do it. You have to...' Of course, the extremely romantic setting at a lake under the full moon speaks for this scenario ... but: You're a smart guy, you know the right moment and then you tell Michelle something like what Steve said to me. She feels like - not that I know her well, but - like a resolute person who can take the reins in hand."

"Phew. Sounds like a Herculean task.” “Nah, after Steve said this to me, even I dared to kiss him! Me! And besides: Is that what the boy's saying, who almost single-handedly invented 4D projectors?” “Bucky ... " Peter was embarrassed, "I've only optimized the nozzles.” “Don't be so modest. Your dad just told me how of a job you had in developping 4D technology. The idea of using chemical effects through to the development of complex chemical solutions, all of which are completely harmless. All that came from you from A to Z.” The front door opened "Daddy!" Morgan's voice echoed through the house. "Study, sweetheart!" "We've got pizza, Daddy!", The little one was already rumbling up the stairs. Bucky sighed and winked at his brother-in-law: "I'm coming to rest upon my vegetable risotto, I guess." Peter laughed and less than three seconds later he found himself in a stormy hug, his niece in his lap. "Do you want pizza, Peter?" "Your daddy made vegetable risotto," the boy grinned. Bucky laughed at his daughter's scrunched up nose. Morgan quickly climbed onto his lap and gave him a wet smack. "It's your favorite pizza, Daddy," she flattered fondly. "What am I supposed to do?" He asked his brother-in-law. "You don't need to ask me. I'm fully team pizza.”

*

“ _I got myself a more spacious apartment. It's fully furnished, but a little bleak and cold. Would you like to give me a hand with decoration?_ "

" _But of course! I have long felt you live very cramped, my dear. Are your endless bookshelves crushing you down finally?_ "

Loki and his mother met in Loki's new apartment two weeks before Christmas. Downtown, Manhattan, 42nd floor, with a roof terrace and five bedrooms in addition to the spacious living area. “Loki! It's a very nice apartment! Why do you suddenly decide to move into a place this large?” Loki played a bit nervously with the bunch of keys in his hand. "I ..." Pepper's gaze sharpened. Loki had already seemed a bit changed to her on Thanksgiving, but she couldn't figure out what exactly was going on. And something _was_ going on in the life of their 'problem child' ... of that she was sure! "I met someone." Loki mumbled at that moment. His quiet, calm voice was not hiding from his mother his happiness at the revelation." “Oh. Loki, I ... please forgive me, I probably don't react appropriately, but: _Gaaah!_ " Pepper beamed at him with bright red cheeks.

Loki was a little irritated, but only briefly, he _had_ to laugh. “Exciting, it seems.” “More than exciting. Do you want to tell me more Who is she?” He looked away briefly. "His name is William." Pepper only blinked briefly. "Said William has to be an extraordinary man to lure you out of your tiny apartment." "He is ... Yes, he _is_ extraordinary. I'm ... I'm in love, mother." At first Pepper didn't say anything, only hugged her son briefly. After, she pulled his head down to kiss his forehead. “I've always known there had to be someone - out there - who would appreciate what a wonderful person you are, darling. This makes me very happy.” “I know. I thank you, mother. I'm happy too.” “The two of you want to move in?” Loki hesitated. "Well, no. Will is a linguistics professor in Winnipeg, but if he comes to see me he will have his own bedroom and ... yes, a study too.” His mother had perfect control over her features ( _own bedroom?_ ).

"Why don't you ask him here so he can furnish these rooms to his taste?" Loki thought for a moment. "Yes you're right. Will you help me with the rest?” “Of course.” “And, mother?” “Yes?” “Can you keep it a little bit for yourself?” “This might be difficult, but I'll try.", She laughed. “Just don't tell Peter or Steve. And not Bucky, either, because then Steve finds out and Peter after. Then but I could have send a circular mail.” She refrained from reflecting the somewhat malicious smile on her son's face, out of loyalty to her other boys. She jokingly reprimanded him: "You are very wicked, love." "I'm only stating the truth." "In a wicked way." Laughing, they left the apartment to have a light lunch downtown. Of course Loki knew his father would find out, but he could be just as sure he would wait until Loki wanted to tell anyone further himself.

*

“ _I've got a new play under my responsibility: H.C. Andersen's 'The Snow Queen' at the Swedish Cottage Marionette Theater in Central Park. Performing from January 1st to 18th. My first foray into theater education._ "

" _How come? After King Lear and Macbeth you do 'Frozen' - Laufeyson style?_ ” Loki smiled amused.

" _Don't mind me, Will! You won't find any Disney magic in a theater production I have staged. How it comes? Well, I recently started to think about taking up further training in theater education. It looks like I like children._ "

“ _My Lauf! Not all children are as adorable as your nephew or niece._ ” He had sent William many pictures of the family, telling him a lot. Loki loved the little ones in the family!

" _Theater makes enchanting creatures out of all children, I am convinced!_ "

" _I love your optimism, although unusual with your usual cynicism._ "

" _You know? I don't feel like cynicism at all. Come to New York – and me - to see 'The Snow Queen'!”_

William Harrington hesitated. Their first meeting and getting to know each other had been perfect, but would Loki - in his 'territory', his comfort zone, so to speak - feel comfortable with him too? He knew how complex the beloved man was and how much patience he would have to have until their relationship was where he wanted it to be. But Loki was worth it!

" _I would love this, very much so, dearest!_ "

*

Christmas 2035 came and it promised, as always, to be a wonderful season full of joy, laughter and love. Peter and MJ handed out packed lunches in a soup kitchen on Christmas morning and he was very happy about the remark of a scrawny old lady: "You are true Christmas angels, you sweeties - and that a charming couple." He was particularly pleased about MJ's obvious embarrassment - without the slightest hint of anger. The corners of her mouth curled and she let out a little suppressed giggle. By eleven o'clock all packages were handed out and he suggested to go ice skating in Central Park. He loved her in her somewhat shabby baggy cap, which stretched over the wild splendor of her dark curls and his fingers were tingling when she let him drag her over the ice. Peter was a very talented ice skater and the grace, acquired through years of gymnastics training, put a smile on many faces when she asked him to take a break to watch him perform complicated figures and athletic jumps. The smile he put on _her_ face was the most beautiful of all to him.

After two hours on the ice, they stopped in one of the numerous Christmas market tents in Central Park to treat themselves to a hot chocolate. The tent was not well attended. It was finally Christmas Day and all the families were probably just about to get the Christmas feast ready. A few young people like them and a few elderly single people, who obviously didn't want to spend the day all alone, sat and stood around the small tables. “When are you eating?” “Mom has a late shift at the nursing home, over all the holidays, each day. We're catching up on Christmas some time next week.” “I'm sorry.” “Oh, I don't mind. It's just an arbitrarily set date, what the heck ... The shift premium is extremely high, so there's at least an opulent feast when the time comes.” “Would you like to come to us? ”-“ Mom says I can invite you.” They had spoken at the same time. MJ looked at him a little sheepishly. He said, “I am happy to come. May I bring anything?” She laughed outloud. “I hope you don't want to cook! Incredible you can stir any kind of chemical solution together perfectly but a simple Mac'nCheese will break your neck." He joined her laughing.

"Do not worry. I was thinking more about some wine, or I'll put something on the side from the caterer tomorrow.” “Wine?” She asked mockingly. “We're not over 21 yet.” “If only my brother had become president. Then he could have raised the entry age for the armed forces and lowered the age limit for alcohol.” “Our country's thinking of the health of its offspring, very caring.” “Yes, but being shot dead is fine.” She shrugged . "Don't you want your cookie?" He gave her his cookie, which was served with the hot chocolate. They talked for a while about MJ's submission to Congress. An MP had sent her a very detailed reply email. She promised herself a fruitful correspondence that could earn her a few points for her scholarship. "Senator Bailey is as outraged as I am by the deplorable shortage of black politics students at Harvard. A skillful journalist should really get to grips with the university's lazy excuse about blacks being just not interested in politics. It would be awesome if one of the blasé guys from the board of directors stammered out their guts."

Peter agreed sympathetically. MJ had to work harder and more to achieve the same thing as a white person - or even a white _man_ ... He sighed. Would this never get any better? She shook her head with a smile. “Let's talk about something else. Merry Christmas!” “You haven't answered when I asked you to come have a Christmas party with us.” Her smile narrowed a little. “Is it appropriate? It's Christmas. Your family would surely prefer to be among themselves.” It hung unspoken between them: With all the self-confidence, Peter's family - especially his parents - intimidated her a little. And then there was also Professor Stark, with whom she had been fighting out legendary discussions (violent arguments) in Social Sciences and in politics club at the time ... "I don't think Professor Stark is particularly happy when he sees me again.", She grinned crookedly. “You don't have to be afraid of my brother. Steve is an awesome guy in his private life!” “You never been in one of his classes. The man is a firecracker about to blow off!” “And you talked back to him regularly, as I was told.” “He's said that about me?”, She looked mildly horrified.

“No, Betty told Ned. After all, she was in Social Sciences and the politics club. I enjoyed myself very much at her storys. Why have you never told me?” “It was a little awkward. After all, he's your brother.” “And obviously your worst enemy: white, male, rich...” Peter sneered. MJ tossed her crumpled napkin at his head. “Stop it, I was still half a child. After all, he's married to a man. That makes him stand out from the crowd of privileged suburban residents, I think." Peter laughed: "I have to tell you a thing or two about Steve. It seems you've got a slightly incorrect picture of him.” “Gossip? And with that you come to me now? With juicy stories about Professor Stark I could have scored well on the popularity scale of Sanctuary High.” “As if you'd made something out of it”, Peter winked. "Who knows? After all, I never had the experience - being a popular high school girlie” “Well, something this boring wouldn't have suited you at all.” Peter winked at her. MJ only shrugged. He cleared his throat. "And now? Is a Stark still your natural enemy?” He teased her.

She narrowed her eyes a little and looked at him thoughtfully. "You didn't think Elizabeth Toomes was boring," she said casually. Peter frowned slightly, his heart pounding from excitement - was this something like belated jealousy? When he fell in love with the President of the Academic Decathlon four years ago, MJ laughed at him and said nothing more on the matter. She went her own way for some weeks then, and it wasn't until Peter had given up on the older, extremely popular girl that she was hanging out with him and Ned again. They had never talked of Liz. It had to mean something! “That was because I didn't know her very well. Ultimately, it didn't matter whether she was boring or not. I was a stupid 15 year old with a crush on a senior. Those are the stories making high school so embarrassing when you're getting older.” “She's very pretty and quite smart too at that.” MJ played with the wrapping paper of her cookie and didn't look at Peter. _Tell her!_ Bucky's voice echoed in his head. Peter took a deep breath when MJ suddenly jumped up and excitedly gestured to the window: "It's snowing!"

They hurried to pay and get into the swirling snowflakes. They still had a lot of fun, but unfortunately Peter had lost his courage. He was in bed late at night scolding himself a coward. His phone vibrated. Message from MJ!

" _I'm coming to your fancy party, but not for dinner, text me when it's over._ "

"' _Fancy party'? You will be surprised!_ "

" _How so?_ "

" _If Starks had the dubious taste of my 15-year-old self when it came to choosing a partner - or choosing friends - then it would probably be a 'fancy party'. But luckily we are all very good at making the right choices and that's why tomorrow's 'fancy party' is nothing more than a bunch of nice, crazy people celebrating a bit they all can be together again finally._ "

" _If you think so?_ "

" _Let yourself be surprised._ "

The Christmas party was indeed a surprise for Michelle 'MJ' Jones: The Starks and their friends were all wonderful people, with both their feet on the ground and without any conceit. Professor Starks enchanting daughter, Peter's Godchild, at one point looked at her adoringly: “Your curls are even prettier than mine. The _prettiest!_ Are you a princess?” Steve who was nearby turned around on the spot a bit clumsily called: “Bucky my love, sweetest, most precious treasure of my life! Your daughter is stealing your bombshell charm!” In any case, to see her former professor a bit tipsy was worth to dare to go to the 'fancy party'...

*

“Get me the sun blocker!” Steve had chosen this year's winter vacation and they were spending a week in Costa Rica. The resort was spacious and the cottage they lived in had a private beach. “Stop sulking already. It's wonderful here around! Snow alone doesn't make a man happy!” Steve laughed a little at Bucky. "We're at the end of December! How in the world is it normal to lie on the beach in swimming trunks in freaking December?” “Depends on the geographic location: Think of the Australians.” “Do I have to?” Bucky applied a generous amount of sunblock to his nose. “You choose the destination of our next vacation again, I promise!” “Nah, it's okay. Morgan has a lot of fun. We want to create a lizards' library on the StarkPad. She's so eager to learn!” Bucky's eyes shone with pride. The three and a half year old was digging enthusiastically and purposefully 'the largest hole in the universe' into the sand just some yards away from them. "Do you think she'd like to have a sibling?" Steve asked casually. Bucky didn't look him in the eye when he replied, "Maybe..."

Bucky wondered after that first question about Steve holding out for a full four days before bringing up the subject again. And he had been afraid of it ...

In the penultimate night of their vacation, they were lying lazily and content under the thin silk sheets after a late candlelit dinner for two and a not so wild but intimate and affectionate marital interaction. Steve's head rested on Bucky's shoulder. He used his index finger to draw small circles on his flat stomach, his chest and sighed heavily. Bucky sighed too - inwardly. After all, he had expected this and was not very enthusiastic.

"Can we have a second child?" Steve never talked around the bush. "Don't ask me that now ..." Bucky felt Steve stiffen. "Do you have to give me this shitty non-answer again and again?", He sounded hurt. Bucky felt a painful stitch. "Steve ..." He interrupted him: "I ... have to get out of here some time, please excuse me." With that he peeled himself out of Bucky's arms, the sheets and fished for his shorts. "Please, stay." Steve's response after a sad little snort was: "Just some short amount of time, Buck, I want to be alone a bit." "Well, as you wish." The snort Steve gave this time was more a frustrated one. "I ... thank you, Bucky," he said gracefully and left the bedroom. He stared into the dark gloomily. A tiny pang of desperation crept into his mind. He looked at the clock. Half past twelve. Steve didn't come back for a long time. When Bucky checked the time for the umpteenth time, it was nearly two in the morning. He put on shorts and a shirt, set a StarkPad as a baby monitor in Morgan's room and pocketed his phone as a 'receiver'.

It was a moonlit night. Bucky stepped onto the porch facing the ocean and looked around. Steve was crouched on the beach, apparently with his legs pulled up and wrapping his arms around them, looking out over the sea. The sound of the surf, the moonlight reflecting on the water, the little nocturnal jungle noises, the smell of salt water and plants; it all mingled into a dreamlike backdrop. _Fantastic - perfect for hurting your beloved man ..._ When he got down next to him, nobody said a word, Steve sagged against him and rested his head on his shoulder. Bucky noticed his beautiful long lashes were a bit clumped. He swallowed. "You were crying, baby," he said in a whisper. "Hm.", Steve made and took a shaky breath. Bucky went on, "And you haven't wanted me to be with you when crying." It was a statement, not a question. Steve answered anyway "I ... haven't meant to make it difficult for you - not again." "Baby, I respect your wish to be alone when you're ... miserable or hurt, but it pains me to not be there for you. Especially because it's me who's made you miserable.” Steve swallowed hard. " _Why,_ Bucky?" Steve's voice was strangely bright.

He knew, of course, what he meant by his question. And he also knew if Steve were to get serious about his request to adopt a second child, it would seriously threaten his hard-earned strength, his determination not to be pushed into anything he didn't think was right. Steve rarely cried. And Bucky was putty in his hands when it happened ... He took him in his arms gently. "It's not the right time," he said calmly. “If you ask parents whether they became parents at the right time, they usually admit the right time doesn't exist! If you wait for the right time, you wait for a lifetime!” Steve exclaimed wildly. "Steve, we've just averted a divorce," Bucky said bravely and as firmly as he could. "But no! I mean yes, but we _have_ done so and this is steady and irrefutable! Don't you trust me? Or yourself?” Steve protested violently. Bucky released him, clenched his hands into fists, and closed his eyes to hold back his tears. This could end in a terrible way, he feared. But he couldn't hold back what he thought either:

"Why on earth are you never completely happy, Steve?" He cried desperately. Steve was speechless. "You're always so restless. You're always chasing something new! All I've always wanted was to make you happy. All around happy and satisfied with your life - with _our_ life! Happy with _me!_ Why do I fail again and again? Why?” His tears were falling now, of course. He was devastated! Steve felt for his hand. When he found it, Bucky yanked it out of his hesitant grasp. “I can't stand anymore never being able to make you happy. Whatever I do, you're always missing something, Stevie! I don't know what to do next – I'm not in nor out. Whenever I think I did it and everything is good - _perfect_ \- something like this happens again. You're taking my breath away. You're killing me softly with this.” Steve somehow managed to get Bucky in his arms. He was deeply shaken by his outbreak – and very much ashamed ...

"Bucky ..." he breathed. "You _do_ make me happy. I _am_ happy! Don't doubt yourself.” He sobbed dryly. "I have legitimate reasons, don't you agree? Have them over and over again...” “Yes..." Steve sighed, "I know. And it's my fault. It's all my fault." Bucky broke loose and looked at him, desperately in need of an answer: "Why are you so driven? Why can't you ever stop at any point in your life and take it as it is? Especially when it's as good as it is now.” “I can do so ... Only: you know me, I'm always talking without enough thinking. You're right, it would be rash after everything that happened this year. But: You have always loved family life in my large family. I've thought you would wish this for us and for Morgan too.” Bucky sighed heavily. “And you did it again.” “What?” “Talked without thinking first. Do you actually know how that a statement from you's affecting me? If you weren't who you are and whom I've known for almost a quarter of a century, I would assume you are so manipulative on purpose.” Steve stared at him with his mouth open. "Manipulative, _me?_ " Bucky chuckled.

“As if you didn't know how carried away and impressed and smitten I am when it comes to you. And then you're coming up with Morgan’s happiness. Shameless!“, Bucky sounded a little better, almost amused. Steve bit his lip and looked at him through lowered lashes. Bucky sighed, the innocent baby had no idea... "Forgive me. I have not thought. But I certainly haven't wanted to manipulate you or convince you of guilt.” “If I ever think you do it on purpose, you'd better sleep with one eye open," Bucky growled good-naturedly. "How can I make it up to you?" Bucky sighed and gestured to Steve to hug him again. He was very happy to do so. His husband snuggled up against him and whispered: “You can tell me more often or finally show me you are completely happy. At least for a while.” Steve closed his eyes for a moment, his overwhelming feelings almost aching. "Sure can do, baby, as I am, I _truly_ am, I promise." "And I promise to be ready to think about the 'second child' adventure when it fits. Believe me, it will fit, at some point it will fit better to give it a brainstorming than right now.” Steve kissed him without further ado. His actions were better than his words anyway most of the time ...


	120. The most romantic person on this planet

**The most romantic person on this planet**

William Harrington had - of course - taken a hotel room for the trip to New York. And Loki hadn't said anything about it - but he never did when Will was making decisions. He was enthusiastic about the performance of 'The Snow Queen' and afterwards at lunch (it _was_ children's theater - in the morning) in one of the pavilions in Central Park, he found very appropriate words - as always - moving Loki deeply. He smiled happily at the linguistics professor with freshly cut hair and not in a teacher's uniform but in jeans and a jacket. “It's so nice you are here. New York is lovely in winter. I can't wait to go on the walks of the protagonist from 'Open City' with you. You will see amazing things - that much is certain.” “Of course I will, I'm going with you.” Flirting was very strange to Loki, although of course he mostly noticed when someone did so. "I can hardly withstand the comparison with the picturesque, dilapidated house of a 100-year-old lady who is steadfastly and successfully defending herself against the corporation that wants to turn her neighborhood into a shopping center."

“What remains to be proven. Is your pikeperch fillet good?” Loki grinned to himself. "Moderately. How satisfied are you with your ratatouille?” “It's not bad, only thing: it doesn't taste like summer.” “How could it in January?” “New York's magic? You've grown up here. I've always thought New Yorkers thought this city was El Dorado, Paradise or Valhalla.” “What other ideas do you have about New Yorkers?” “I've heard you hate New Jersey.” “That's only a bad joke from sitcoms. Many New Yorkers go to New Jersey for short trips to escape the narrowness of the city. My brother and his husband got a weekend house there.” “Steve and ... _Bucky_ is it, isn't it? With your many brothers, someone has to get confused.” “And this from a man who can definitely count to three. I don't have any more brothers.” “But you still have to be careful not to go confused. So: Steve, the teacher _\- not_ President of the United States - is married to what is probably the most beautiful man on the east coast...” “People say so. "

Will laughed: “Your judgment of human beauty is a little exceptional - just to find a word. Believe me, people _would_ say, Bucky is a beautiful man.” Loki smirked: “And he's very well aware of it and adds to it in bringing out his best features. Don't let yourself be fooled so easily.” “Are you _jealous?_ ” “You'd like me to?” “Well.. _.tempting_ , but let's go on with your numerous brothers: your latecomer Peter, ten years younger than you, attends Community College for noble reasons and is still single. And then there is your brother Thor - a picture of a man and full-time father to the children of a future Nobel Prize winner who - coincidentally - is also a real beauty.” “Beauty is fading, maybe even Bucky's.” Will chuckled: “You _are_ jealous! But to stay with transient beauty: Beauty is transient - but pigskin ancient?” The younger man stated: "Hans Christian Andersen. A man blinded by religion but still a gifted storyteller.” “True enough. More beauty you're surrounding yourself with...” Loki narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly. "Would you like a dessert or can we leave?" William was only moderately surprised by the abruptness, he was familiar with _Lauf_ 's leaps of thought. "We can leave, I'm fine." Loki chose his address as the destination of their cab. He and Will were making love all afternoon (and if this was the outcome of Loki being a bit jealous – then Will would never complain)...

Around six, his guest whispered against his chest, where his head had sunken in exhaustion: "How do I deserve this ...?" Loki sighed. “Where does the assumption of people come from, one has to deserve it? Why can't they just be happy to _have_ it. Simply have and hold on to...” “Nothing in the world I'd like to have more.” “You can have this as long as you want to. I love you and I have you and I won't let go. I'm holding onto you.” With that he pulled him tighter and pressed his lips to his hair. William suppressed a dry sob. "Loki ..." he breathed. "Yes, love, accept it, it is real and true." The night, immersed in Loki's impressive library, fulfilled William no less than their lovemaking.

It was late when Loki asked his guest and loved one: “May I call you a cab? I haven't got a guest room.” William Harrington, 36, a linguistics professor and gay, had spent nights with lovers. As a student on uncomfortable futons, or crammed into single beds, once even in a blanket nest in a bathtub! But for the past few years he'd always preferred to go to a hotel on dates and say goodbye before dawn. In this case, however ... But Loki appeareded to want to sleep alone, so he accepted the offer to call a taxi – with pity, he would have liked to stay.

The literature themed walk - inspired by Teju Cole's 'Open City' - took the two of them to extraordinary places the next day - largely spared from tourists - and Loki cleverly chose the route so it ended late in the afternoon near the apartment he had just gotten himself . “I want to show you something.” “Even more? I feel like you've shown me almost the whole world in just one day.” “Will ... ", he sighed, "I _can_ show you the world. The true whole of it, if you like me to.” There was no answer. The burning love in Loki's gaze took his breath away. Was he in some dream? Then he never wanted to wake up again! Full of energy, his lover pulled him down a few streets and corners by the hand, then they found themselves in front of a skyscraper, indistinguishable from a hundred others in Manhattan. But Loki had a surprise in store: he showed Will a plaque that recognized the house as being located in the same place as one in which Washington Irving, a satirical writer they both admired, once lived and worked.

Before he could react adequately to this revelation, he was in an elevator with Loki, on his way to the 42nd floor. The man at his side seemed to be bubbling with excitement - and although it was certainly not easy to notice with him - William felt it and was quickly infected ... At their destination, Loki led his loved one into his new apartment. The kitchen and the quite small living room with a media system and a guest bathroom were quickly ticked off. The largest, light-flooded room would hold Loki's book collection. The shelves lining three of the walls were made of warm walnut, and the inviting leather reading chairs looked cozy. "Try one out!" His host suggested. Will did as he was told and sighed comfortably. The reading chairs _were_ comfortable. One wall was completely made from windows, and a two-wing door led to the roof terrace. They went to admire the view. “I'm not setting up furniture and stuff here until spring - or my mother will, more likely. She put the finishing touches to the apartment."

“She's got a lot of taste.” “Yes, that's right. And a lot of joy in things like this - unlike me. I appreciate a tasteful home, of course, but the process - the way there – is boring me.” “My house in Winnipeg is chaotic. I've never gone through with it when I planned on to fix things and let one style prevail. Again and again something pulls me under its spell distracting me from it.” “Maybe I'll borrow you my mother someday,” Loki joked. He was not surprised Will said nothing to that. His parents intimidated most people - until they were to meet them. He wasn't too worried and was sure they would get along well with William. He showed him his study and the bedroom with bathroom, all functional and simply furnished, and after he asked him if he would like to go out to have dinner. “There are still doors you haven't opened for me. Dark secrets? Chaotic rummage rooms or an embarrassing collection of junk literature?” William laughed.

“Oh, I can show them - they are completely empty though! Come on...“ After the brief tour, it was not very exciting, they decided to go have dinner. "What are you going to do with those rooms?" Will asked on their way down. "Nothing at all. They're yours.” William froze. He looked at Loki like a ghost, unable to grasp what he had said ... "What is it, dear? _Oh ..._ ” he looked like he understood something. “Apparently _all_ of the scenarios I have imagined telling you about it were _actually_ imaginary. You have to forgive me, there were countless ones.” Will blinked a few times. "I ... don't understand." "I think the best thing we can do is cancel our visit to the restaurant and let something come to my apartment. I have to explain myself to you, I guess. Do you like Indonesian?” “ _LOKI!_ ” He was startled.

"Forgive me ... I'm having a hard time keeping up with what has happened." Loki bit his lip and looked at him apologetically. "Please wait until we're alone, I'm going to explain everything to you." They took a taxi and were silent throughout their journey - both deep in thought. Loki's heart was heavy ... It had to happen at some point, he had known. He wasn't made to be in a love relationship, and it cost him a lot to try anyway. Because he wanted this. More than anything in the world and he wouldn't give up. He swore to himself one more time. William was stunned by the fact the man he loved had bought a multi-million dollar property and, casually, revealed to him conversationally that he wanted a third of it be his, a somewhat absent-minded English linguistics professor's from Winnipeg ...

While they waited for the food, Loki ran a computer simulation to show him some early designs for 'The Snow Queen'. The final version actually _was_ the best, Will thought and also told him. Over dinner - Loki had poured his guest some wine, he had water - he explained what the 'live action scenes' he imagined were all about. He has been doing this since early childhood. If a situation came up to him for which one could not adequately prepare oneself because the "human" factor was too unpredictable, he put himself mentally in the expected scenario and played through the flow of events in his mind in countless ways. He used to do this often, acting he was Thor or Steve, and of course he had copied most of socially required behavior from them. “Of course, today I can't pretend I am someone else - people would quickly think I was absurd. The more important a step seems to me, the more meticulously I play through all imaginable - let's call it _plots_. Sometimes there are so many I am no longer sure whether I have actually experienced any of them for real. That apparently happened to me with the situation we were in earlier. I am sorry."

Will hung on his lips and was fascinated. The extraordinary way Loki's brain worked, how difficult it was at times to adapt to society and all of its unspoken rules. How he always kept an eye on all of their pitfalls and springes ... Unimaginable to be able to do something like that with a normal brain. Cheers to Loki's Stark genes ... “First of all: There is nothing to be sorry for. You are a wonderful person who does their best - almost the impossible - not to make life difficult for anyone. The world would have to apologize to you and to all other people like you. God knows, I am very happy you are still in good sanity with everything you have on your plate each day.” Loki smiled thinly. "Mental dropouts, like not knowing whether I experienced something or imagined it, notwithstanding?" "Yes!" Will shouted with conviction. “If you play a scene for yourself as vividly as you act out the plays for your audience, it's no wonder. With 'The Snow Queen' I've felt as if I were flying across the country in her magic sled with her and Kay. I really was cold!” Loki's hesitant smile warmed up a bit.

"And secondly: Would you give me the pleasure of playing this 'live-action scene' for real now, with me?" Loki, a little surprised Will had decided to not storm him with questions, to give him the time and had patiently waited for his explanations and now that he had them behind him he was ready to go on, adjusting to Loki's pace and behavior. He loved him. And he said it aloud: “I love you.” The happy smile he coaxed from his lover gave him courage and strength. “Good, all right: let's play it through. Welcome to the freak show in my brain.” “I don't say no to whatever freak show _you_ are part of, be assured.” That _was_ flirting, wasn't it? Loki was (almost) sure. He got up, got a wine glass for himself and Will got up to pour him gallantly. "Thank you, dear.", He looked deep into his eyes over the edge and sipped. His lover felt wooed enough by the way his slight blush revealed. He chuckled.

“So how does it work? Are there any stage directions for me?” He teased Loki. He smiled. “If it were that simple, I'd have an easier time with you humans.” “That's probably true. Will you tell me about 'my' rooms now? Are you in the end an extraterrestrial super villain who seduces people at random and then puts them in empty rooms so he can study their earthly behavior?”, he joked. Loki grinned diabolically. “I've changed my mind. I'm setting up a library of 'junk literature' and lock you in there.” “Oh God, have mercy. I promise to be yours, just save me from it!” He cocked his head. “It all depends.” “On what?” Now Loki was sure - that was flirting ... “Whether you are willing to spend a considerable part of your free time in New York, that is: your holidays and that one or other weekend.” “New York is very beautiful and has something extraordinary to offer.” “For example?” “You, for example.” “Is this enough for an extended vacation?” Will put down his wine glass and sat down in front of Loki, took his glass from him to take both of his hands tightly in his own.

"But yes. That would be enough even in the deepest wasteland of a desolate deserted area - or on the moon, to name an example. I love you and your company is the most desirable thing in the whole world and beyond for me. Every minute you want me around is a gift! Whatever you want in return, I'll give you willingly and gladly, dearest.” Loki swallowed. He was a little uncomfortable with how openly and unafraid Will was able to express his feelings. He was so far behind him ... "William Harrington, you are the most romantic person on this planet." "Is there competition on other planets?", he laughed. Loki got very serious and with great emphasis he tightened the grip of his fingers on Wills. "There couldn't – not possibly... I love you too." William was swaying a little. In any case, he was dizzy enough with happiness - for sure! "May I ... kiss you?" Loki lowered his eyelids and breathed: "What makes you feel like you have to ask?" "Nothing technically, I've just wanted to be gallant still. After all, I'm ever the romantic ..." He was interrupted: "Kiss me."

He stopped some inch from Loki's lips and whispered: “You will never have to force yourself to do something you do not want to - never, I promise. Anything you are ready to give me willingly is worth waiting forever...” The kiss got William to the verge of throwing overboard the promise he had just made. He _wanted_ Loki - very much ... But he knew what view his great love had of sexuality and its worthlessness and insignificance in love and he let go, breathing hard. "So tell me...", he cleared his throat, his voice was a little hoarse, "What's up with 'my' rooms?" Loki Stark hadn't thought it possible he could love William Harrington even more than he'd done since, but he was taught better: The gnawing fear in him, his lack of willingness to give sex a high priority in a love relationship - essential for many people - could tear his love away from him, got smaller every time a situation like this with Will arose. Yes, he _did_ want Loki, it was pretty obvious. But he was probably also not ready to let taken from them what they had but let it grow into something great, something magnificent ... A love able to unhinge the world! Loki let himself sink against Will overwhelmed by his feelings and gave a suppressed sob.

"Dearest!", his lover whispered into his hair, "What ails you?" Loki swallowed, closed his eyes to collect himself. "You. You do ail to me. And I wish you could be mine for all eternity. Whatever it costs me. I will do everything for it. Everything! Never let go of me. Be patient, dearest. It will never be easy with me, but..." William interrupted him: "I do not wish for 'easy', I ... I want you! As difficult as it may be, and it may too cost me everything, everything in the world! I never let go of you, not if you don't ask me to, so: Please, Loki, stick to your wish. Have eternity with me. I give everything to make you happy - I can't find my true happiness in anything else. Never again...” They were silent for a while, lost in the loving words they had given each other. Loki leaned against him, their fingers intertwined... "More wine?" Will whispered finally. "You?" "Well, your wine is exquisite, so..." "Help yourself and get me some, too., please. And now we're finally talking about your rooms!” Will chuckled. "Oh yes, there was something else!"

Comfortably in opposite armchairs with a glass of wine in hand, Loki asked Will to set up the two empty rooms in his new apartment as a bedroom and a study for their vacation together. Will put his glass down with measured movements. "Then I have to deal with New York in more detail, searching for flea markets and second-hand exchanges ... Thanks to the Internet, I guess I'll succeed!" Loki beamed shyly and a little restrained. "So ... you say 'yes'?" Will smiled, raised his glass: "If you want it a little more solemn: Yes, I will. I will set up two rooms in your luxurious apartment and if you're entering them, it will be like stepping into another world: shelves from the flea market, curtains from Tesco, some bed from Ikea...” Loki grinned broadly : “If you imagine your little home with me like that, that's how you will have it. You are also welcome to bring something from your chaotic house in Winnipeg or...", he suddenly stopped, a bit startled. He had almost let himself be carried away by his happy mood. William frowned.

“Or what?” “It's stupid.” “I dare to doubt. I've never heard anything remotely stupid from you." Loki jerked: “You can also be crazy and spend a lot of money on ... structure and a predominant style. Right from the start, so to speak. But it's stupid, so..” “You mean ...?” “I don't mean anything, it was just an idea and doesn't have to be pursued." He was annoyed with himself, that was obvious. Will thought feverishly. Loki _was_ a millionaire. And what he had pursued with this 'idea' was no secret. The remaining question was: would he be happy if Will accepted, or rather if he declined? He decided to take the easy road and ask: "Would I please you if I set up the rooms at your expense?" That Will meant this question exactly as it was asked - namely, genuinely interested and without ulterior motives was clear to Loki. And that's why he answered quite honestly (without playing scenarios in his head beforehand - which was hardly ever necessary with Will anyway...):

"Yes! Indeed it would! If you had fun with it, definitely! Or you hire an interior designer or I introduce you to my parents and you ask mother.” “Stop! One by one!” Will laughed. Loki forced himself to stick to the tone of their conversation: “Don't you want to meet my parents? Do I have to seriously interview you about your intentions with me?” Will laughed even louder, which relaxed Loki. “Anyone who dares to dupe Tony _fucking_ Stark's son must be suicidal! My intentions with you are entirely honorable - if admittedly not entirely decent. At least not always.” Loki laughed too. “A word from me to father and you will find yourself in Siberia.” Will played the scared: “Oh shit!” “Well. The protective instinct is huge in this family. When you get to know Thor, _he_ will interview you about your intentions with me - that's for sure. He doesn't have the slightest scruple and little social graces.” “You want me to get to know your family.” That was a statement. Loki didn't think twice.

"Yes. But it's up to you. The timing, I mean. However, I will have to insist you get to know them at some point. By the way, they are all not bad to show off to lovers; to impress a bit. They are awesome!” “I can imagine ... your beautiful brother-in-law and your breathtaking brother who won the soon-to-be Nobel Prize winner. Surely impressive people.” Will joked. "William, that's annoying." Loki replied, amused. "You are welcome to start with my 'beautiful brother-in-law' and his pompous husband, my eldest brother Steven - but I'm telling you right away: They are pretty bourgeois." Will laughed. “Yes, you've mentioned it once or twice. I wish we could start with Thor. And not because he is a picture of a man, but rather because he means so much to you - he must be quite special.” Loki smiled thoughtfully. "That's him. And Jane is adorable!” “Not to forget, the knee-high boy who's clutching a very special part of your heart in his little hand, very tightly so.” William smiled fondly. Loki agreed.

"When will you have time again? I'm booking us flights to Arizona. I will be there in March to get to know Fandral.” “I love the Nordic names in your family.” “Mother - and Thor as well as me - have a weakness for it.” “Unfortunately I won't be able to leave work longer up to spring break.", genuine regret colored Williams' beautiful voice. "My mother is overjoyed about us," Loki said suddenly. Will didn't show his nervousness. Loki's mother - even more so than Thor, who was closest to Loki but seemed to be an uncomplicated guy - made him nervous only from the stories. A perfect superwoman married to a genius - and Loki's ideal of a human being ... Loki sensed his discomfort and changed the subject. He had time ... He and Will were made for forever, how did a few weeks matter? “How have you actually found Isabelle Stauffer's position on so-called dandyism in pop culture? You haven't answered me yet." Will looked at him gratefully, relieved. "Oh right! That got lost in my travel arrangements, please excuse me ...” Loki's change of topic led to a lively discussion.

The last evening of Will's visit was coming up and Loki felt adventurous. “I have plans for your last night in New York.” “Oh! Wonderful. You can be entrusted with things like that.” William had spent some time - when he wasn't out with Loki or reading and talking together - browsing interior furnishings for the bedroom and study. But he was awkward and indecisive - primarily because the non-existent price limit was new and unfamiliar to him, but also because he was caught in a frenzy of love. Loki was courteous, often holding his hand tenderly when he was not gesticulating deep in conversation; he paid him all his attention and thought up all sorts of things to do for their first real vacation together and he surprised him with an unexpected second afternoon in a passionate drunkenness - this time in Will's hotel room ... Well, it might not be 'in love and fucking senseless till dropping dead', but William was pleasantly surprised that Loki, who - quite dutifully - had informed him early in their relationship about his lack of interest in physical love, had took the initiative again and they made love passionately and both of them finished fulfilled and utterly pleased. Will Harrington was in heaven!

The last evening took them on a ghost tour in Greenwich Village, where they - the only participants on this foggy frosty day - heard all sorts of crazy and creepy stories. They arrived at Loki's apartment around nine, and when he suggested they change and have a late dinner in a nearby restaurant, William had another idea:

“I've noticed a 24/7 on the corner down the street. Let's stay here and I'm cooking! Have you ever tasted pea soup?” “You cook? Have you mentioned this before?” “Everyone does, right?” Loki laughed. “A Stark better not - we are terrible cooks. My kitchen is only equipped with the absolute basics. Bucky once had the crazy idea of throwing a cooking party at my place. He came with several bags full of ingredients - all dutifully carried by his husband, he's no good in the kitchen, only to be trusted with muscle jobs - and Bucky almost despaired of a non-existent mortar because he couldn't crush his pink peppercorns freshly. Have you got a mortar in your Winnipeg kitchen?” William laughed at the funny way Loki always told stories and shook his head. "I don't think you can ruin a meal if the pepper has been crushed for longer than the blink of an eye.” “Have a look around the kitchen so you can get an overview. I'm looking forward to this pea soup. As far as I know, this is a pub stew from England, am I right?” “Rightly so, matey. Pea soup with bratwurst - tasting much better than it sounds!” “Well, let's go! If you enjoy this, that's fine with me!"

The hot spicy stew was delicious and just the thing for a winter evening. They got a little sleepy after and made plans for their next meet-up. William would only have short weekends until spring break, so they decided Loki should come to Winnipeg for one in late January. They would plan the next time after then. With wishing goodbye around midnight, Loki gave him a partner credit card. “I'm sending you the floor plans of your rooms. Next time you come to New York, I don't want you to stay at a hotel.” William swallowed a little heavily. That was ... _big._ Loki looked him in the eye. “Will, I have nowhere to take this money with me when my time is coming. And it's such an amount that in a hundred years I wouldn't be able to spend it all on myself. It is at my free disposal and I want you to spend some of it to create a second home for you - _with me_.” “I feel it is your deep desire and therefore I consent. Thank you for the trust you place in me.” “It is not wasted, I am convinced of that.” Will kissed him one last time, then his taxi driver rang the bell ...

(One week later)

Loki opened Will's text message. It was the picture of a pillow - dark blue with gray piping all around.

" _What am I looking at?_ "

" _The first charge on my new credit card._ "

Loki smiled to himself.

" _Very nice! I'm happy._ "

" _I know and that's why I'm also happy._ "

" _I love you._ "

“ _I know and am also happy about this! :p_ "

Loki looked a little confused at the message and the emoji sticking out his tongue.

" _What is wrong with you?_ "

" _I feel like Pretty Woman!_ "

" _This is a pop culture reference I - with the best will in the world - haven't expected from you._ "

" _I love you too. <3_"

Loki happily put his phone back in his pocket. The casual way Wills was dealing with him, his credit card and everything behind it made him very happy. He couldn't wait to see Steve's face when he told him about it at some point. He really wanted to ask him when he'd been allowed to invite Bucky for a cone with ice cream for the first time. He knew he was _quite_ wicked...


	121. An unexpected invitation

**An unexpected invitation**

In mid-January Steve and Tony received letters written in ink on heavy parchment. Both opened it curiously and if they had been next to each other, they would have looked like two pantomimes playing in unison, which was: complete surprise. It was a wedding invitation. The couple to be married on March 3, 2036 were Dr Christine Palmer and Dr Stephen Strange! When her husband informed her of the invitation, Pepper Stark immediately called her son - a colleague of Dr Strange's, after all. But Steve was just as shocked by the news as his parents. The invitation revealed little. The appointment in the town hall, the request to abstain from gifts in favor of a donation to a charity of one's choice and the note: "Afterwards reception - no evening wear." Both couples speculated wildly about this incredible twist when in bed in the evening. Dr Strange was going to get married! The next day they sent their acceptances.

Steve, who knew what good manners were, never said a word about the matter at school - he also had no way of knowing who else of the colleagues was invited. So he went on to be strictly professional towards his co-headmaster. But he and his husband and his parents were almost bursting with curiosity!

Dr Strange, who laboriously tied his tie on the big day, smiled slightly at his reflection. You could have had this over 20 years ago ... His thoughts traveled back in time ...

*

[It was a day like many. Stephen and his team were on the last legs of a complicated neurosurgical operation. His assistant doctor offered to close the yet only superficial wound. The team was - as always - carried away by his brilliance and genius. The complicated reassembly of almost shredded nerves after that a serious injury - a circular saw accident - was doable by perhaps half a dozen surgeons around the planet! Stephen's eyes smiled coolly over the surgical mask as he left the operating table praising his team.

Dr Christine Palmer rushed down the corridor to meet him at the door, a pile of papers and a StarkPad in her hands. Her pretty face with the perky nose and the cute dimples was in great concern and stress.

Christine had been a brilliant student. When she decided to go through her residency as an emergency surgeon, Stephen was pretty saddened. He found her wasted at the madhouse 'emergency room'. But since he wasn't going to be her boss, he asked her to go out with him. They went to dinners, to theaters, having a somewhat superficial love affair. Stephen - a very ambitious man - was married to his job. Their dates decreased after a while, their relationship froze, despite great attraction, to a loveless casual sex story. They were basically 'more' friends, even more like colleagues only ...

She held out the StarkPad to him. “What am I looking at?” “Gunshot wound.” “It's amazing that you kept him alive. Apnea, more brain stem tests after reflex tests? I think I found the problem, Dr. Palmer. You left a bullet in his head.” “Thank you. And _very_ funny. The bullet affects the medulla. I needed a specialist to diagnose brain death. Something about it doesn't feel right to me.” “We should hurry.” They jogged side by side to OR 8. When they got there, one of the surgeons was about to put a large scalpel on his torso. Christine called out angrily. “What are you doing?” “He's an organ donor.” “Not so fast, I haven't allowed that!” “I don't need your permission. Brain death was diagnosed.” Strange cut in and pushed the man aside. "Too early.", The authority in his voice silenced the man …

Stephen Strange and Christine saved the man's life. In the hallways she scolded him: “You shouldn't have humiliated him. Nick is a good doctor.” “But you came to me.” “I needed a second opinion.” “You needed a _competent_ opinion.” “Well, all the more you should be my neurosurgeon on call. You could make the difference.” “I don't want to work in your _slaughterhouse_.” “Stephen ...” “Listen: I am fusing severed spinal cords. I stimulate neurogenesis in the central nervous system. The work I do will save thousands for years to come. In the emergency room, you can save a drunk idiot with a gun.” “Yes, you're right. In the emergency room, we are only saving lives. There is no fame, there are no CNN interviews ... Well, I guess I'll have to stick with Nick. ”Is it disappointing you?” “Does that matter?” Stephen just looked at her, silent, until she (clearly disappointed) turned away and left.

Christine had been a good friend to him after his severe car accident and the tragic loss of mobility in his hands. She had seen him spend a fortune on unsuccessful attempts at cure. One last attempt failed due to funding. Christine had just come and Stephen was complaining about his misery. “There is a new procedure in Tokyo. They cultivate donor stem cells, then harvest them to 3D print a scaffold. If I could get a loan then ...” “Stephen ...” “Just a small one - maybe 200,000” “You used to spend money quickly, but now you are spending money you don't even have. Maybe it's time to stop.” “No, it's not time to stop. Because as you can see, it doesn't get any better! ", He waved his trembling hands in front of her face angrily.

"This is no longer medical science, this is madness!" "A life without my work..." "...is _still_ a life. This is not the end. There are other things able to add meaning to life.” “Like?” He spat. “You?” “And now you ought to apologize.” “Now maybe you ought to leave.” “Yes, that's true. I can no longer watch you do this to yourself.” “Too hard for you?” “Yes, it breaks my heart to see you like this.” “Don't pity me.” “I don't.” “Oh no? What are you doing here then? You bring cheese and wine like we're old friends having a picnic? We are not friends, Christine. We weren't even a real couple. You just love sad stories, don't you think so? Is that me for you now? Poor Stephen Strange, a case for the charity. He finally needs me. Another human tragedy to work your way off. Repair it and send it back into the world, and your heart will cheer...” He was now shouting: “You care so much!” Christine was frozen. Then she straightened her shoulders and stood up.

"Goodbye, Stephen." She left his apartment crying and he didn't see her again for many years. Years in which he found his second calling, with which he was not exactly happy but satisfied ...] ~ Excerpts from Dr Strange, 2016, directed and written by Scott Derrickson

*

During the last Spring Break in 2034, an article in the NY Times caught his attention. The ER's chief physician, Dr Palmer, was to be honored for 25,000 lives saved in the emergency room in his old clinic (where she was still working) the next day at eleven o'clock! He thought for hours ... and at the end of this brainstorming session he found himself in front of his closet, where he was pulling out a dark red shirt, black jeans were already hanging over the valet stand in his bedroom. Did he really want to go there? Should he? He gave himself a jerk, went through his jackets and opted for a short, slim-fitting leather jacket. He happened to have had his hair and beard done at a barber shop that same week. He went to bed with a book but wasn't able to concentrate. He put it aside, raised his hands and looked at them.

They were ugly. Scarred, and he always had small everyday injuries because the tremors so often caused a knife to slip or he burned himself on a pot. And they trembled often and clearly to be seen. He sighed. Would Christine be happy his life finally had found meaning? Or had he destroyed all feelings, all meaning of himself for her with his harsh words the last time they met? Probably. Well he would see …

The reception in the cafeteria of Mount Sinai Hospital was well attended. Dignitaries of the city, former and acting head physicians, journalists, former patients and onlookers. That was fine with Stephen, so he could hide a little in the crowd. When the mayor shook hands with Christine and she turned to the crowd, smiling and posing for photos, it gave him a pang. She hadn't changed as much as he had over the years. Her pretty face with the pert nose and the deep dimples still glowed with zeal and love for her work. Once he himself - not often, but still – had made this face glow ... Deep in thought, he did not notice that he was being stared at. From a doctor whom he would not have recognized himself, but who did recognize him: Dr Nick Abrahams, the same one whom he had many years ago prevented from removing organs from a living person - Christine's patient.

"Dr Strange?" The voice tore him from his thoughts. He winced as if caught. “It _is_ you! Nobody here would have thought they would ever see you in these halls again - damn unpleasant what happened to you back then." The doctor talked and talked, not even noticing how monosyllabic he answered, until a suggestion from his counterpart put Stephen on alert: "Let's go to Christine! I would like to personally congratulate her and she'll be definitely happy you found your way here - especially on her big day!” “Well, I don't know, it...” Unfortunately Nick Abrahams had already taken the reins : "Christine! Just look who's here today! Dr Stephen Strange!“ _Fantastic!_

“Stephen! Oh my god, how long has it been?” She gave him a warm hug. Dr Abrahams withdrew discreetly. Up close he saw that life had actually left its marks on her. Above all, her eyes - once sparkling with enthusiasm - were tired, had lost all sparkle. His always keen gaze and quick perception determined that she was not wearing a wedding ring. “25 years, Christine. I read about this in the Times yesterday. A great achievement, congratulations.” “Yes,” she laughed, “thank you. I'm still in my _slaughterhouse_ \- now I'm even the head slaughterer.” Stephen looked at her intently: "This insensitive remark of mine has obviously burned itself in.” “How are you?", She ignored it, but the brief flicker in her gaze, of course, had not escaped him. He took a deep breath: “I'm fine. I am the principal of a very good school. I enjoy it.” “You have found meaning in your life,” she stated. Stephen looked down. “You were right and I was blinded. I should have never attacked you so heartlessly." She laughed sadly. "But Stephen, you _were_ heartless. What else could you have done?"

"How are you, besides being a life-saving heroine?" Since there was no sarcastic undertone in this question, Christine Palmer gave herself a jerk. “Will you come with me to lunch? There's an excellent Vietnamese guy down the block. He's making the best pho in town. And you've always loved pho!” Stephen blinked in surprise. That she remembered that! “Yes, I would like so very much. I have to taste the best pho in town!” At lunch he learned that Christine had married a nurse named Joshua three years after his accident and they had two children: Joel, 18 years old, who was already studying medicine in California; and Cerise, 16, was still in high school. Christine had been divorced for five years. Josh could no longer live with the fact his wife earned more than twice as much as he did and went on and off to seek his fortune in Europe, in Switzerland to be precise. The children had contact with him, but were not talking much of him to their mother.

"You have been hurt badly, Christine, I'm sorry." He put his hand over hers to give her a compassionate squeeze. The hand trembled. Christine looked at it and whispered, “You have learned to live with them.” “I have. It's still a life. Somebody very wise told me so once.” She put her other hand on top of his and left it there. The tremors stopped after a while. “I'm happy for you, Stephen. Tell me about your school.” For all the lively conversation, she didn't take her hand from his. It was the first time in 25 years that someone dealt with his injury, his scars and the ugliness of his hands so casually and naturally, touching them without a medical background. As they parted with a promise to see each other again, Stephen Strange was feeling more for the woman who had shared his bed so many years ago than ever before. The rest was history and resulted in a wedding invitation that swept his colleague Steven Stark and his favorite 'sparring partner' in his concerned father-of-high-school-kids days, Tony Stark, off their feet …

(March 03, 2036)

After the down-to-earth and very short ceremony in the town hall, all of them went to one of the smaller reception halls of the Park Terrace Hotel in Manhattan and the small but exquisite wedding party congratulated the couple with cheers over a glass of champagne. In addition to Tony and Pepper, Steve and Bucky, colleagues and close friends of Christine Palmer were present, as were her children and colleagues from the Sanctuary High faculty. And Thanos Titan, the chairman of the Sanctuary High booster club - accompanied by his wife Marjorie! The reception held another big surprise in store for Steve and Bucky: Professor Hope van Dyne, teacher of sports science and economics, came with her recently married husband: Scott Lang! “Team Soccs rocks!” Was how Bucky and his old teammate in the high school soccer team greeted each other. "You are here? How come?” - “You are still a couple? That's awesome!” they said at once. They exchanged a few facts and basics.

Scott told the old teammate when he was senior, he dated Maggie Hawthorn, who Bucky didn't know. They married while they were in college. "Wait a minute. Hope is your _second_ wife?” “Dude! What are you? A relic from the 1930s? Yeah, I'm divorced and got remarried, really. Scandalous, yes.” Scott laughed. "Shut up! I am just surprised. A divorce is always ugly, of course, I'm sorry.” “No, it wasn't ugly, we parted peacefully - because of Cassie.” “You're a father?” Scott smiled proudly. “She is six years old and I am very proud of her. Maggie and I share custody and she is often with Hope and me, we all get along great.” “That's fantastic!” “And? You and Steve? It's crazy. Still happy and in love after so many years.” Bucky grinned crookedly. “Well, the ugly sword of Damocles – divorce - hung over our heads for a while last year, but we figured it out again. I can't imagine, if... With Morgan and all of that. I don't think we would have gotten along very well as divorced parents...” “Tell me about the peanut!” “She'll be four in July and is our precious one and only... "

Hope had only recently been a colleague of Steve and they hadn't talked much about private matters. Her mother, Janet van Dyne - now retired - was once Bucky's Technology and Computer Science teacher, and when he told her about his repair shop she clicked her tongue in disappointment. “You, my boy, were one of the most talented computer scientists of my teaching career. Together with your flair of secrecy and mischief, I actually had to expect my former student to pull off the really big highlight and accomplish something similarly great, such as abolishing money - on a global level." Bucky laughed out loud. “I'm sorry to have disappointed you, Professor van Dyne. guess I'm a Bon Bourgeois.” Now it was her turn to laugh out loud. “In any case, you've kept your apt wit and esprit. Bon Bourgeois? Have you managed it?” “Oh yes, ma'am. I am respectably married, have got my own house, a common job and a child."

Janet van Dyne was with her husband and father of Hope: Henry 'Hank' Pym. He was the world's leading entomologist specializing in ants, and Scott - always a fan of insects, especially ants - had worked his way up to his first assistant on his research team - and into the heart of his daughter Hope! Hank Pym and his wife were wonderful people in their 60s - like the Starks senior. - of sparkling liveliness and natural attraction - exactly like Tony and Pepper ... When Scott was told Jane Foster was now Steve's sister-in-law, he shook his head in a daze. “How crazy can it get?” Steve grinned, “Oh, I don't know if _this_ is crazy, but it's definitely a good thing: My parents took over MacIntosh Enterprises seven years ago.” Scott laughed out loud: “This is a very good thing! I recently thought of this bloated idiot while leafing through my yearbook. Hey, Ball King Rudolph!” He shouted, “Did you make it to the moon to fly the Pride Flag?” “You're an idiot, Lang.” Scott laughed. "Are you still playing?" It was clear that he meant soccer. Bucky laughed - a little sadly. "I'll be 35 next week, man!"

"So what? I play in a 30+ men's team. Come in by some time. If you haven't had any practice, I'm probably even better than you by now!” Bucky was electrified! Playing soccer again? It would be a dream! Fleetingly he replied: "Let's see, I'm always very busy." , but he couldn't fool his husband. They looked each other briefly in the eye over the rim of their champagne glasses. _Do it baby - Do you really mean? - Of course! Show him who's still the best center-back on the East Coast._ This was roughly how the silent exchange went and Bucky decided to give it a try.

“Star ... _Tony!_ ” “Thanos! What a pleasure to meet you here!” “I would like to introduce you to my wife Marjorie. Marge, this is Tony Stark.” “Mr Stark, it's my pleasure.” “Likewise, ma'am.” Marjorie Higgins-Titan was a councilor and chair of the Equality Interest Group. She was a serious woman, and she and Titan seemed to match well. Tony inquired about the daughters and learned that both of them and the grandchildren were fine. Nebula was still working in Europe - now at ESA - and was very happy there.

Pepper was just about to politely thank Dr Strange for the invitation. "Dr Strange! What a wonderful occasion to meet again!” “Stephen, please. May I introduce you to my wife Christine?” The women shook hands. "You must excuse my clumsiness, Dr Palmer …" " _Christine_." "Well then, Christine, this was a big surprise." The doctor laughed. "I can imagine! He's always been good for a surprise.” “How did the two of you meet?” Christine and Stephen looked at each other briefly. "I was his student..." Pepper's jaw dropped ...

The reception was very formal and after a good hour the event was ended. In two of the Stark family's households, the evening conversation exploded:

“Is that to be believed, Tony? They've known each other for 30 years and it took so long for them to find each other!” “I think it's extremely romantic - although the expression 'romantic' in context with Dr Strange...” “ _Stephen_ ,” Pepper interjected. “Well, it doesn't seem to suit Stephen very well. On the other hand: didn't he always have the look of a tragic and adventurous figure from a Victorian novel?” “As if you've ever read a Victorian novel!” his wife laughed at him. “ _You_ did so and you've talked to me about them. I've always listened to what you've had to tell.” Pepper took his hand. “I love you.” “I love you too. How is Loki?” “Our other tragic-adventurous character from a Victorian novel?” “Pep…" he chuckled a little. “You know I mean that lovingly. I love Victorian novels!” “How is he?” Pepper sighed.

"You're grieving because he doesn't tell you." Now Tony sighed. "Yes. No. Oh, maybe. Our relationship has always been difficult and I've tried my best!” “You _have_ and Loki knows that too. It's just generally so difficult for him to open up to people.” “I wish he ... oh, whatever. The main thing is, he's happy. He _is_ happy, isn't he?” Pepper squeezed his hand. “He's definitely happy.” “Will we get to know this man, what do you think?” That behind this question was another one - namely, whether his son only intended to introduce his great love to Thor and his mother, or whether he intended to let him - his father – in his heart in the end and would be able to open up to him... "Darling. This love and relationship _will_ open Loki's heart. He loves you.” “I'm way down on the scale,” Tony tried to joke. “And that's not something you can do anything about. You've done your best. You couldn't have done anything better with him or about the way he is. Sometimes things are as they are and there is nothing you can do about it, Tony.” “I hate not being able to do anything about something.” “I know."

"How cool is that! Scott Lang is married to your colleague!” “And Stephen is married.” “Yes, that too. Strange, this Dr Strange. They've known each other for 30 years - Mom told me.” “There are very patient people out there." Bucky grinned: "Very alien beings to you, eh? Patient people...” “And?", Steve didn't respond to the tease, "Would you like to play soccer again?” “Are you kidding? Of course! Just the mere imagination, Scott could be better than me today... but let's face the facts: He probably is.” “Nothing a little practise couldn't change.” “Actually, a quite nice idea: you and Morgan come to my matches, cheering me on. Morgan gets a tiny jersey and maybe...” “What, baby?” “What if she wants to play soccer too?” Soccer _was_ a popular sport for girls in the US. “Then we'll have our world soccer player in 20 years.” Bucky grinned: “That's fine with me. Much more safe than being an astronaut."

*

“You've met interesting people in your second calling, Stephen.” Dr Stephen Strange and his wife, Dr Christine Palmer, were on the plane on their way to their honeymoon - a week in the south of France. He laughed to himself. "Whom do you mean? The bug freak or my co-principal who somehow missed becoming President of the United States? Or his parents, the richest people in this hemisphere or the city council politician - slash - sponsor who brings his own - vegan - snacks in a tupper bowl to a wedding reception? All guests of a cranky man in his mid-fifties who has trouble tying his shoes in the morning.” Christine laughed brightly. "There he is again: Stephen Strange with the malicious tongue who brings meanness back into balance with self-irony." "Have you missed him?" Christine lowered her eyes.

“Stephen. I loved you and I do love you now. What you said to me that awful day made me hate you! And worse, it made me _think._ Pondering if I am a dreamer. A stupid do-gooder. You were and always have been the smartest person in my life up today and your words have shaken me deeply and...” “Christine!" He interrupted her, took her hand. His grip wasn't very tight, his hand trembling from the exertion. “I was a fool! You are _not_ a dreamer. You and people of your sort make this world a better place. It's in need of more people like you. What have I achieved in life? You have saved the lives of more than 25,000 people ...” Christine's eyes were wet when she stared into his. The warm pressure of her fingers made his hand stop to tremble. "You, darling, saved yourself." For a few moments both were frozen in the moment. Then Stephen brought his wife's warm - healing - hand to his lips. "I love you."


	122. Two Birthdays in March

**Two Birthdays in March**

Steve kept his word. The weekend when Bucky turned 35 was entirely under his direction. This also meant they didn't take Bucky's Pick-Up to their hut, but Steve's little Tesla and he even was driving! Usually it was almost always Bucky who did so. He now had Fridays or Saturdays alternating off, with more employees in his workshop, and Steve had picked Morgan from kindergarten after school and brought a cake they could eat for breakfast with their daughter the next morning to celebrate Daddy's birthday together. They gave him a reverse plaster cast of her little hands and feet, brightly painted, and together they found a place for it. After they played with the little one, dancing to funny music and building a sofa cushion fort. Around noon Annie Banks came to look after Morgan for the rest of the weekend so Steve could kidnap his husband for a date night weekend.

They got to the cabin around three and Steve immediately started a fire. March was unusually cold this year and the house had completely cooled down. Steve still couldn't cook, by the way. Even warming up soup was an un-doable task for him, so on their way they had taken Italian food in thermal containers for a suitable birthday dinner. Until the fire finally had warmed up the large living room, they were on the couch in their jackets chatting. “What do you mean? Do I have a present or not?” “Steve ... what is this about? I've told you I only wish for this. We come here by far too rarely!” That was true. “We're changing that. In the warm season we'll come more often, I promise.” “Still, you don't have to give me anything else." “Baby ...", Steve breathed, "let me pamper you. You deserve to be spoiled a bit" "I could think of something ...", Bucky replied and nibbled at Steve's neck, just under the ear where his beard ended.

He growled comfortably. "I'll just tell you." Steve broke away from his husband, smiled at the little pout he gave and straightened up. "Bucky. I know how much you envy my dad for his workshop at home.” Bucky frowned. “Let me finish!” Steve hastened to say, “Build a workshop in our house. Well, not _in_ the house, of course, but why not expand the garage, build a basement and set up a workspace there where you can tinker and screw around? Maybe take work home with you. You can solder circuit boards there ... And you can set up your own study. We are a bit cramped in the joint one.." Bucky stared at Steve: "You mean ...” “Yes, come on, say 'yes'! This is my birthday present!” After some moments, Bucky closed his mouth with an audible plop. Steve got a bit nervous ... Then suddenly his husband threw himself at him so enthusiastically he took his breath away for a moment. “Stevie! This is fantastic! A wonderful idea!” Bucky covered Steve's face with kisses and then pulled away, breathing heavily with flushed cheeks, to look into his eyes.

“I love you.” “I love you too. And I hope you build a workbench in on which you can work on me.” He found exactly the right tone to dispel the somewhat embarrassing undertones. Bucky still wasn't completely relaxed about spending Steve's money. He laughed cheerfully and whispered: "I knew it, you also have your well-being in mind with that." "Only if my well-being makes you happy too, sweetheart, beloved, light in my eyes ... _Bucky_." This special emphasis on his name was a sign of Steve's feelings overwhelming him. It was still not really warm in the room when Bucky's last piece of clothing fell to land on the messy pile of clothes next to the sofa, but neither of them gave a damn or even noticed. (...)

"What about your well-being?" "I hope it makes you happy." They lay tightly embraced on the large couch, heated and satisfied. “Do you want to go out on the lake now?” “Another five minutes, baby.” “I don't know if there's a phrase I've heard from you more than this one in life.” “Punk.” “I love you too. Come on now, the weekend will be over faster than you think.” Bucky dug out a pack of wet wipes from under the sofa and pushed them into Steve's hand. “I have do this myself? Well, it's your birthday.” “Give it to me.” Bucky laughed and cleaned up his husband. Top etiquette. During the boat trip, Bucky raved about all the ideas that were already going through his head for his own ideas workshop. “Maybe I'm getting on with my idea of reducing the weight of the Gallilei coil without losing its durability. Sometimes I think of something late at night and if I only have to go to the garage to pursue the thought, then ... "

Bucky noticed there was something strangely desperate on Steve's expression. "Baby?" He asked worried. "I don't know if I still like it that much if you keep running away to the garage at night." Steve smiled half jokingly, half seriously. "Oh Stevie, are you afraid I'm neglecting you?", Bucky cocked his head, smirking, "somehow your parents must have come out with four children. Dad didn't 'build' you guys in the workshop.", He struggled with laughter. "Don't make fun of me," Steve grinned. “But today is my birthday.” “Oh, and you want to do this on your birthday? Making fun of me?” Steve teased, acting insulted.

“I know something else: take us back. I'll lie down on the couch, you put our bags away and I'll spend a little time planning my present.” Steve was delighted with Bucky's excitement. He was so happy about his gift! Nevertheless, he complained a bit for the effect: “Will I still be part of your birthday plans at some point?” “When you're done, you're mixing me a margarita, I can have it lying down thanks to the straw and I'm putting my head in your lap, tablet in hand. Like we did when we went to college.” That to Steve's ears, sounded like a good start.

Steve played with Bucky's hair while he showed him all sorts of knick-knack he didn't understand on his tablet. But the glow in his husband's eyes, his excited voice and beaming smile more than made up for the fact he felt a little out of the picture. His other hand was warm and heavy on Bucky's stomach, his fingers sometimes drawing a loop or a squiggle. When he looked at what felt to be the hundredth monstrous looking machine, he sighed suppressed. Bucky lowered the StarkPad. "Baby, are you okay?", Steve caught himself quickly, put a smile on his face and ran a hand soothingly, as he meant, over his stomach. "Go on." But Bucky put the tablet down on the table next to them. "I'm boring you.", An amused smile spread across Bucky's face. "It doesn't matter.", Steve didn't even try to lie. "It's your birthday, whatever you enjoy is fine with me."

Bucky laughed: "I'm curious how you will pay me back in July." "Maybe I'll give myself the extended chronicle of world history, read it to you the whole night with ignoring my husband quite skillfully." Bucky's grin widened. “Would you like the extended chronicle of world history for your birthday, sweetie pie?” “ _Sweetie Pie?_ ” Steve exclaimed in surprise, “where does that come from all of a sudden? You haven't called me that since high school.” “First of all, I quickly got the impression at the time it wasn't exactly your favorite pet name, on the other hand: I still want to make you a little nostalgic. Remember the old days?” “The good old days when we couldn't be on a couch together for ten minutes without having a go with each other?” “You're really a little upset, sugar! ", Bucky chuckled, "Then don't give me anything this exciting for my birthday!"

“You…” Steve shook his head with a laugh, “you _jerk._ Yes, I don't care it's your birthday. What needs to be said, is said.” “If you ever stop calling me that, then ...” “Then?” “I keep calling you sweetie pie!” “Good heavens,” Steve groaned. Bucky nudged him: "You know: Jerk means: I love you." Steve stared into his eyes for a long time and whispered gently: "You jerk." Bucky closed his eyes with a smile and sighed. "...love you too, Stevie."

"Do you want to keep looking at machines now?" Steve asked bravely. Bucky opened his eyes and smirked. "We're going to dinner with your parents and Peter next week, so I have a more interested audience and you and mom can feel sorry for each other together." "Yes, we are suffering, but what can we do, we love you fools." “We can't believe our luck. Who would have wanted dad or me if we didn't have you guys.” “I'm repeating myself, but: you're a jerk.” “I love you punk too.” Bucky giggled. "What do you want to do?" "I want to be dancing." Steve swallowed. _Okay ..._ that's not how he had imagined their intimate weekend, but it was Bucky's birthday. If he wanted to go dancing, they went dancing. He fished for the tablet and opened StarkMaps. "What are you doing, Steve?"

"Looking for a club nearby?", He put it like a question, because after all they had never gone out down there, at least not to be dancing. “But ... no, Steve! I would like to dance with you. Here, let's move the furniture and see if we still can do what we've learned. We haven't really danced a handful times together since we got married.” Steve lowered the tablet. "Bucky, I only have hiking boots with me ..." "Me too! We're doing it in socks, it's easy as cake on a wooden floor!” Steve considered and a smile spread across his face. "Oh. Oh yes, this is .. Yes, please, Bucky!", He was really taken suddenly. Sounded fun and promised ... well, a lot of physical contact. When they had practiced their dance before their wedding, more than once they had stopped practicing and dancing in order to make love ...

They moved all the furniture as close to the walls as they could, rolled up the carpet, and got a respectable dance floor free. After the Italian dinner, Bucky fished a BARF projector from a chest, synchronized it with his tablet and with some routine commands it threw a slowly rotating starry sky with falling stars and a giant full moon onto the ceiling. Steve watched him in admiration, as he always did when Bucky mastered technology, Steve's nemesis, so easily. That put a smug grin on Bucky's face. Steve let it go - today. They dimmed the lights and went to change, Steve put on sweatpants and a tight T-shirt, Bucky yoga pants and a tank top, and they both picked the fluffiest socks they had because they would slip best.

Steve looked for their wedding playlist on the tablet, started it and asked Bucky for a dance. The first sounds of the Ratatouille theme filled the hut. "No." said Bucky. "No?" "This one's the last" "Yes, you are right, so?" "Give me this." And his husband took the tablet and started Aristocat's 'Everybody Wants To Be A Cat', a foxtrot. Steve took up a dance pose and Bucky put his left hand on his upper arm and handed him his right. It went quite well. They could still do it, but ...:“ Steve, dance posture! Your hand has no business being there.” It had slipped into Bucky's small of the back. Steve bit his lip in glee and put his 'evil' hand back under Bucky's shoulder blade. They danced the foxtrot to the end and then together they chose the next number: a cha-cha-cha, 'I Won't Say I'm In Love' from Hercules.

That didn't go smoothly at all. Misunderstandings and coordination problems caused them to collide and Steve tripped over Bucky's feet until he shouted desperately: “You can't lead a bit! Let me do it!” Steve looked indignant for a moment, but gave in with a laugh. "But I have to practice the lady's steps first." Bucky took his hands and put a bit of space between them to spare his feet. They practiced for a little while before Steve knew how to start on the right foot. Then Bucky positioned him in his traditional dance pose, put one hand under his shoulder blade and held out the other. The dance posture was a little less intimate in the Latin American dances, because at those you danced more frills and figures. Steve didn't like it the same as a waltz or foxtrot, but fine.

Bucky led the dance great. Confident, sure and in such a way that his dance partner didn't have to think for a second. He danced exactly like he fucked..., Steve thought and at the association he made a little hop in the outward turn Bucky had just pushed him into. He nodded encouragingly to him (no problem!) And pulled him back to him with a deft movement of his wrist, swinging him around so that he twisted elegantly and when Steve was face-to-face with him again, he gave a damn about the correct dance distance, pulled Steve to his chest bossily and held onto him for a while. Steve smiled: "Do you like it, baby?", he got it out a little breathlessly.

"Perfect.", It was only breathed. "Well, it's your birthday," Steve whispered. "'I love it – and you." "M-hm." The song ended and Steve was still pressed to Bucky's chest. "What now?" "Rumba." Steve pouted. The strictly separated dance posture was not to his liking. But he agreed: “Which song?” “Kiss the girl.” “That's a rumba?” “Steve, I'm gay and I love Disney. I researched the danceability of every Disney song, ages ago.” Steve kissed the tip of his nose. “Don't puff yourself up, it's good. Do you want to lead?” “Of course. You lead like shit with Latin American dances.” “Hey!” “It's true.” Well, it _was_ true. They danced a good rumba to the Arielle song, without any hops, wrong steps or stumbling.

"Do you want to dare a tango?" Steve looked at his husband doubtfully. Tango was a really difficult dance ... "I'll do the lady's steps, okay?", That instilled some courage in Steve, he had had many dancing lessons and was able to do a tango, although ... the erotic ease of the movements, he never had it. However, up until now he had only danced tango with his mother ... Bucky selected 'Belle' from 'Beauty and the Beast' and Steve was immediately pleased with the closer dance position. Their hips touched with every movement! Tango, however, required full concentration and both doggedly tried their best. The song was long and from the middle they dared one or the other figure and Steve bent Bucky over his arm, low, his legs trembled a little, he wasn't sure if Steve had him safe enough. "Are you afraid I'll let you fall to the ground?" Steve whispered. "But no." And Bucky took all his weight off his legs, Steve held him effortlessly. When he pulled him back up to him, both were a little breathless.

"That doesn't leave me unimpressed," Bucky whispered hoarsely. "I've noticed. Lifting figure?” “Have you done that before?” “Well, with my mom. But she doesn't weigh more than a sack of feathers. You, however ... ", he just had to tease him," you've had cake and pasta today.” “When, if not on my birthday, I am allowed to eat that without a guilty conscience?" Bucky in his thirties had noted with great regret that he could no longer eat what and how much he'd liked without gaining an ounce of weight. Most of the time he also stuck to Steve's elaborate nutrition plans. "We're working it off again." Bucky rolled his eyes. The workout Steve meant would have, if it were really effective, make them lose weight to the event of them disappearing, as often as they had sex back at college...

"Come on, big strong man, lift me up!" Steve grinned at him, pressed him to his body tightly, chest against his own side, tucking a leg between his so that he could prop himself against Steve's hip. Steve bent his knee a little, Bucky took a little swing, jumped off, stretched both legs, one forward one backward and Steve whirled with him in a circle, once, twice, three times, then let him down again, still pressed to his body. Bucky's eyes were a little cloudy. Steve raised his eyebrows like about to ask 'well?'. Bucky pushed his hand from his upper arm into his neck, then up into his hair, Steve let go of his hand and put his arm around him too. Bucky's free hand now laid flat on Steve's chest and they only rocked back and forth until the end of the song, looking deep into each other's eyes.

"Wow.", Bucky breathed, he looked at Steve with starry eyes, "'t was great. Kiss me.” Steve was happy to do so. “By the way, you only weigh as much as a sack of feathers, too. Only it's a slightly larger sack.” “Your compliments are always so eloquent.” “Oh, I can do better: Your eyes shine like stars and I'm the damned one greatest lucky guy in the world.” “Better. Go on.” “Greedy boy.” “Not so good.” “Hmm, how about: In those yoga pants your ass's looking like a damn crunchy, very tasty apple.” Bucky laughed: “That's the point in yoga pants, so to speak.” “You should wear them more often. Them or nothing at all. Would you like to do the waltz now?” “Yes, I would! "

Bucky selected the music and they repeated their wedding dance, with a few changes: They quickly gave up the formal dance posture, Bucky looked Steve in the face, head held high, not shyly tilted to the side, Steve's hand in his back stole under the tank top and Bucky soon released his hand to put it around Steve's neck as well. In the final figure, Steve held his husband in both arms, one around his waist and the other around his shoulders, while Bucky's hands shoved into his hair. Steve bent him over his arm for only seconds, before Bucky brought them back upright, only to become a bit more dominant on his part. He directed Steve back to the couch on the wall and when the back of his knees hit the seat, he pushed him down into a sitting position, bent his head far back and kissed him with so much fire and vehemence Steve got all drowsy from it. His hands wandered over everything of Bucky's he could reach, jittery and a little desperate, eventually finding their place around Bucky's thighs. Steve broke the kiss and looked up at his husband, breathing hard.

"What do you want, birthday boy?" "You know that very well" "Are you finally going to let me into your damn sexy pants? I've wanted to since you came down in it” “Today's your lucky day. Do it to me with your cute little pink mouth, Stevie..." he whispered against Steve's lips. (...)

After that he was a bit worn-out. They cuddled a little longer, Steve got the wine from dinner and their glasses and poured them some. It hadn't been bad at all, even though Steve wasn't too much of a fan of 'lonely sex,' as he sometimes called a blow job. Bucky was in front of him, leaning against his chest between his legs. His head was turned to one side, his cheek resting on Steve's shoulder so they could look at each other. Steve scratched behind his ear tenderly. They talked about trivial everyday stuff until Bucky was yawning terribly. Steve took the glass from him and sent him upstairs to sleep. He'd clean up and follow.

When he crawled under the covers an hour later – there's always a lot to be done in the house - the fresh scent of shower gel and Bucky's dark henna shampoo enveloped him. In addition, his body heat, and the fact his husband plastered himself on his body without waking up, wrapping an arm and a leg around him, he muttered and sighed in his sleep. It made Steve soft and light in his head. He kissed the top of his head and too closed his eyes. In the morning he - as always - woke up before Bucky and carefully released himself from his grip to go for a run and get breakfast. In the hut they did not adhere to their diets and he came back with bagels, eggs and bacon, as well as croissants and pancakes, put everything in the warm oven and headed to take a shower. Bucky hadn't moved since he got up.

He smiled at the tousled flood of dark hair, only thing peeking out from beneath the covers, next to Bucky's nose. Ten minutes later he came out of the shower snorting and shaking. Bucky had set the boiler in such a way it produced water at maximum body heat, energy-saving man he was, much too cold for Steve's standards, he was still showering in liquid hellfire, as Bucky called it, at home. He felt blindly for the bath towel and rubbed his face dry, opened his eyes and froze. His husband leaned in the door frame, only wearing his pajama bottoms, arms comfortably crossed, feet crossed, his hair a wild, irrepressible mop, and eyed him from head to toe, dripping wet as he was with spiky hair, the bath towel in his hand.

“I like what I see. Will you come to bed a little longer, Stevie?” It definitely sounded seductive and very promising. A tone Steve normally wouldn't expect from him before noon. He shook the bath towel out quickly and was about to towel himself off when Bucky leapt forward into the bathroom to tear it from his hands. "Come on, you know I like it like this," Bucky whispered hoarsely and pulled Steve by the hand to their bed. Once there, he pushed him on, Steve was happy to allow that and his husband was immediately on top of him. (...)

Exhausted and happy and satisfied, they lay side by side and smiled at the ceiling with their eyes closed. Steve whispered, “Who would have thought. Not even ten o'clock and Bucky Barnes will fuck my brains out.” He giggled to himself. “Bucky Barnes has a label: Always good for some surprise.” “And what a surprise. Wow.” “And you just had a shower. Now I've ... messed you up again.” “You like me messed up.” “Well, that's right.” “I ... love you.” “Love you too. Was that two-some-ey enough for you?” Bucky teased amused. Steve snorted, "Man, do you have to keep repeating this? A blowjob isn't a lonely affair, alright?” “I've never thought so. But I'm out of competition when it comes to that.” “You are a cockslut!” “I am.”

A good hour later - they were still feasting on their stretched breakfast - a message got in from Thor:

“Welcome the newest Stark. Fandral saw the light of day two hours ago. We are all well and very happy. I'm sorry he didn't make it to your birthday, Bucky. Congratulations by the way!” Attached was a photo of the proud parents with the tiny new arrival. "But Jane looks great!" Bucky stated, and he was right. "Did she leave giving birth to her assistant this time?" Steve chuckled. He also found Jane was not showing any effort. When he thought of what Thor had told them about her first delivery ... Apparently it had been easier for her this time.

"Congratulations and welcome to the family, little Fandral. We'll come to Arizona as soon as possible to meet the little man in person!"

*

"I'm so glad it was so much easier for you this time, dearest." "Imagine: and I almost haven't dared to do it a second time." Jane smiled down at her little darling. She had went into labor early in the morning and it was only five hours since they had left their apartment. And Fandral was already two hours old! Loki had been informed for a long time and had texted Thor an hour ago that he was on the plane to Tuscon. He would be there in less than four hours.

Loki didn't bother unpacking for long and, after quickly washing his hands and face at the hotel,he hurried to Jane and Thor in the maternity hospital to meet his nephew Fandral. "Hello! I refrained from flowers, sorry.” Thor pulled his younger brother into his arms and gave him a warm hug, after Loki kissed his sister-in-law on the cheek, but a little absently. All his attention was already focused on the bundle in her arms. Jane pulled the blankets off his tiny face so Loki could see the boy better.

“He's adorable! As beautiful as Erik! Well, I have to say, brother, if we weren't already obscenely rich, you could make a fortune with a sperm bank!” Thor and Jane burst out laughing. This side of Loki probably only them knew - and William... "Give him to me." Jane handed the baby to the brother-in-law and he smiled happily at the tiny human in his arms. "Fandral is a nice name."

Thor and his sweetheart looked at each other, she nodded. "It's not his full name, brother." Loki looked up curiously. “We have him officially registered 'Loki Fandral Foster-Stark'. And we wish for you to be his godfather, too.” The younger brother looked up, his eyebrows curled skeptically: “I hope you won't call him 'little Loki'.” Thor smiled broadly: “You can't fool me: You _are_ happy!“ “I _can_ fool you. But not now. It is an honor to be the godfather of _little_ Loki.” “We're not calling him 'little Loki'.” Jane interjected. "Thank heaven. 'Loki' is bad enough without a humiliating adjective to it.” “Well ... I only associate the best with the name.” He looked Thor in the face. No need for words, Loki's delight in - the whole thing! - was shown clearly. “Were you given the same medication as mother during the delivery, Jane? _Loki_ ... honestly. There are tons of beautiful boy's names out there."

Jane and Thor giggled. "We love this name.", Thor said firmly and Jane nodded affirmatively. Loki smiled quietly and looked little Loki Fandral in the face. "Well, little one? What will I teach you? Your namesake has a few tricks up his sleeve. Are you going to live up to this name, which is more than a name something of a statement?” “What do you mean by that?” Jane laughed. “Well, my dear, Loki is the Nordic god, after whom hardly any Scandinavian names their child. When I was traveling there, I introduced myself with all kinds of explanations. My favorite was the one with the drugged mother when I was born.” Thor shook his head. “Forbear mom. She was only this crazy once, well, twice in her life.” “I'm glad you're going to call him Fandral.”

*

Later, in the evening Thor was at Loki's hotel. They had a late dinner in his room. "How are you, kid?" Loki rolled his eyes. “The 'little' Loki is in bed with your wife.” “Tell me!” “Will and I haven't been able to see each other since the end of January. Now and then I get deliveries to my apartment, furniture and home decorations. We write to each other each day and sometimes talk on the phone. He has a lot to do with the upcoming exams.” That was a very - even for Loki - sober list of events, Thor noted. "You miss him." Loki looked up and took a deep breath: "Thor! I've gone so much further than I could ever have imagined and now I don't know what the next step could be!" Thor thought hard for a moment: "The next step could be you introduce him to us.” “I think it's scaring him!” “Or you. And he feels it subconsciously."

Loki was speechless for a moment. Thor was perhaps not entirely wrong ... "I ... What if this dream's dissolving, bursting like a soap bubble, when I share him with all of you? He'll quickly notice he got the broken one. How am I supposed to stand up next to all of you?” Thor's heart contracted painfully. “Loki ... William _loves_ you. You meet all of his expectations of the person with whom he can be happy. How could one of us in the slightest stand up to you? Don't you think he will be more than happy to have got the best one of us - the best for him?" Loki protested: "But you are all so much less complicated!” “Listen, brother: With everything I know about your shared feelings – your love, what you've told me, your William couldn't be happier with any of us than with you. Or anyone else in the world, to be specific. Have you just kept telling Mom about him so far?"

"Yes. And if mother knows, father knows too.” “And Pop felt like an alien for quite a while in his life. Just like you. You know it, Loki. Don't you think you could find support and advice from him? Especially because I'm so far away and - well - he's the genius in the family.” Loki looked at his half-empty plate, embarrassed. Thor continued, “When they came here to meet Jane, it wasn't a minute weird or embarrassing. Mom and Pops know how to take in a family member. Think about it! Visit Will in Winnipeg with them. He has 'home field advantage' there. What could possibly happen?” Loki thought hard and admitted: “Probably nothing.” Thor smiled: “You see?” “I hate you being this smart recently.” Thor laughed: “You don't.” "Thank you, brother. For everything? I am happy you have enthrusted me as Fandral's godfather and I am happy you gave him my name, although of course I had to be spiteful about it. And ... I thank you for...” he fell silent. "I love you, little brother." Loki nodded. "I love you too." "You're not the broken one in the family, by the way - don't you always say things like that."

*

" _Will! I can't tell you how cute my newest nephew is and: sit down if you don't already: they named him 'Loki Fandral'. And they've made me his godfather, too!_ "

William could literally feel his lover bursting with excitement and happiness!

" _Dear! You must be so happy! I am with you in my heart. I miss you._ "

“ _It's still so long until spring break! I want to see you beforehand. What do you think if I come up to you on the last weekend in March?_ "

" _Oh yes! Please do this. I miss you too and you can't give me any greater pleasure!_ "

“ _I want you to meet my parents. They would certainly come with me for that. It is alright?_ "

William Harrington swallowed, but the warm feeling spreading inside him set the tone of his answer:

" _Oh. I think I have to go into myself to prepare for questions like: 'What are your intentions with my son?' Guess, there's some thinking ahead for me!_ "

" _And? Any ideas?_ "

" _At first there comes: 'I want to make him happy - nothing else in the world counts._ '"

Loki smiled happily. “ _This is your easiest task. So do you agree?_ "

Will only thought for a moment. " _Of course. I'm happy! And I love you._ "

" _I love you too. But don't you have to say anything about the fact there again is now a poor child in the world whose name is 'Loki'?_ "

“ _I love it when you get flirtatious! 'Loki' is one of the words filling me with the greatest joy and love. Satisfied?"_

" _What word's doing this to you too?_ "

" _Strawberry tart?_ "

Loki laughed, turned off his phone and got ready to sleep. This trip to Winnipeg scared him a lot less than he would have thought ... He can do this!


	123. Preparations for a Meaningful Weekend

**Preparations for a Meaningful Weekend**

The suggestion to go on a weekend trip to Winnipeg was met with great enthusiasm by Pepper Stark. At dinner she informed her husband - Peter was out, he was leading a study group at community college, and exams were coming up. In the fall he would start his first semester at MIT. He and MJ planned to build housing for the homeless again in the summer, which would earn her the rest of the points she needed for her long-awaited Harvard scholarship. He also wanted - Peter had made this very clear to himself - finally to confess his feelings to her. He had already found a nice lake in the area where their camp will be for this project (thanks for the tip, Bucky!).

Tony Stark, who had secretly feared not to belong to the circle of confidants who were allowed to meet Loki's great love so quickly, put down his cutlery to take Pepper's hand in his and press it. “You can't imagine how happy this invitation makes me.” “Oh, I think I can, dear. After all, I know you better than any other person. I also know how unsettled you are about Peter leaving us next fall. Luckily he only goes to Boston and not to Caltech.” “Or Arizona.” “Or Canada ... I know, darling. It's a shame they can't just stay with us forever.” He nodded thoughtfully before a grin spread across his face. “It also has its good side: In the end Steve would have started playing the trumpet again!” His wife laughed out loud. "Let's give Morgan a trumpet - I would call it late revenge."

*

Morgan had no musical ambitions - and no interest in it either. It was no wonder. None of her parents played an instrument. Bucky was saddenedby that. He wanted her to take music lessons and at the beginning of the year he had unceremoniously enrolled her in a music discovery class, where children could try out some classic instruments in a playful atmosphere. With more enthusiasm than talent, the little girl pounced on the flute, trombone, violin and cello. She had a lot of fun until she realized that the point behind the seductive noisemakers was that one had to learn through laborious work and with a lot of practice to play ready-made pieces of music at a given tempo. Bucky struggled harder to persuade her to go there to try again every Saturday morning.

The class instructor, Mrs. Anderson, was well trained after years of experience in differentiating talented children from unmusical little bulls in the china shop, and she decided to take a drastic measure to rid the poor child of the music lessons she hated. In a conversation with her ambitious father, she lent them a less valuable school violin - the preferred instrument in Mr Barnes' mind - with the words: “If you want your daughter to learn to love the instrument, she needs a sense of achievement. Practice with her diligently and she will soon find joy in it.” “But I don't understand anything about it. How am I supposed to practice with her?” “Morgan has been studying the fingerings of a small sequence of notes in the last two hours, she only lacks the practice.” “But how am I supposed to know if she's doing it right?" Mrs. Anderson replied dryly: "Believe me, Mr. Barnes, you will be hearing it."

It happened the way it had to. The following week was filled with heated arguments in the evening when Bucky put violin practice on the program. With a lot of sighs and moans, with stamping her feet and angrily flashing eyes, the child complied, often only after terrible threats from her father, such as the ban on her favorite patent leather shoes. Steve, who had thick skin, took it with serenity. “Stupid violin!” “You just need a little practice, honey. Soon it's a lot of fun!” and “You play the stupid violin if you think it's so great!” Became popular wordings in their house. And Miss Anderson was right, of course: Mr. Barnes could hear very well when Morgan made a mistake. In fact, she only made mistakes, and when Bucky grinned crookedly at Steve the night before the next music lesson and said, "If I have to give an encouraging 'You're doing great, honey," one more time while my toenails're rolling up, I scream.” Steve laughed pinching his chin. "Come to terns with it: she won't be a violin virtuoso." And Bucky did so.

*

Erik got his first tiny children's drum kit from his parents for Christmas, a modification of Thor's old rock band simulator and only slightly louder than room volume. In the beginning it only consisted of two drums and a small bass drum and, strictly speaking, was nothing more than a high-tech rhythmic toy, but the boy and his parents enjoyed it. Thor didn't have the slightest problem with volume anyway and Jane, who had grown up in a very quiet home, was happy about (almost) any children's noise. Her apartment was always busy with colleagues with children and they were very popular. Jane was now on maternity leave for three months, of course, and she and Thor and Erik took enough time to get to know the newest member of the family. Fandral had jet black hair and bright baby blue eyes his mother hoped he would keep.

The fact Loki had decided to introduce William to his parents led to many conversations between his closest confidante and his loved one. Yes, Jane and Thor gossiped in bed too. “It's definitely a pretty good pace for your brother, I tend to think.” “What do you mean?” “He's furnishing part of his New York apartment with him, introduces him to your parents, maybe he'll even sleep in his house when they are in Winnipeg. In fact, he hasn't known him for a full four months. All of that doesn't go with Loki.” Thor had already thought about it, at first wondering like her, but he was not only the family optimist, he also knew so much more about his younger brother than anyone else in the family and that's why he had the least worries. Although he had the biggest ones all the same... It might be strange, but there _were_ many things in life with Loki, now 'strange' would be the wrong word for it; many things unconventional.

"If someone asked Loki when he met Will, he would never think of telling them ' shortly after Thanskgiving '35'. He answered this question to me like this – I'm giving you this analogously, to quote Loki, you need a bachelor's degree in English after all.” Jane laughed. “Well, I asked him this shortly after he told me about the matter. He replied: 'I feel like it was yesterday. It was my 29th birthday. We've been writing to each other for a while, a few months in fact, but not very regularly. He told me he had cheated to get my attention because I had gotten him to very well notice me for a while in the forum'.” “Scandalous!” Jane giigled, “what a Casanova.” Thor chuckled. “The scandalous Casanova 'confessed' to Loki he could not dismiss a certain sympathy for Charlotte Brontes Jane Eyre. My brother answered him with thoughtful words, which, as always, I cannot quote, but they roughly expressed that he, Will, was lucky he already had such a good opinion of him and he was already enjoying their discussions too much in order to give this revelation the appropriate response that would be there to block him."

"Ui, when it comes to Jane Eyre, he is not to be trifled with.” “You might imagine I've never read this book and I cannot tell you what about it and this nanny is making him so angry about her. Anyway, William got a bit flirty with Loki for the first time. He flirted with him asking for an appropriate replacement punishment for his little prank.” “Oooh, let's get kinky in the literature forum.” Thor laughed. “Loki suggested he send him the video file of the most terrible film adaptation of the adventures of the most hideous nanny of all time - and that means something - you can't imagine how horrible Loki found all of his real life nannies. In any case, it was an Italian / French slightly dingy co-production which is notorious among Charlotte Bronte fans and William, who dutifully accepted his sentence like a good boy, texted him after the first quarter of an hour: 'April fools!' The fire devil is abominable!'. Loki scolded him a bit for throwing him into such grief on his birthday at that with his mean hoax. The end of it was, after a bit of back and forth, William had to go through his punishment, but with Loki in their private chat, so he could, so to speak, control whether Will really accepted his punishment. It was the first conversation the two of them were flirting in. By the way, it's supposed to be a really naughty film - at least for a literature film adaptation that wasn't produced for Pornhub, but only for RAI 1.“ Jane had to hold her stomach with laughter.

“The story is awesome! Somebody has to co-produce it in a dingy Italian / French version.” “I didn't get any details. But it must have gone off as if William Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde could have sexted with each other." Jane laughed again: "Now I even want to learn more from it!” “Well, I don't. Loki is my little brother.” “Why are you worried?” “You've noticed.” “Yes, of course.” “It is like this: Most people think Loki is cold and emotionless. That's why most people don't worry they might hurt him. Of course, I believe William is different - of course! He _has_ to be different! But still it could be he doesn't really understand the full extent of Loki's complicated nature. Because - believe me - it takes a lot. Mostly familiarity, maybe years of familiarity. With what quiet yet burning passion Loki can devote himself to something ... I think there is nothing he can better hide from the world for fear of being disappointed.” Thor's deep voice was tinged with fondness but also with concern. Jane pulled his head to her chest and brushed her fingers through the sun-kissed golden strands.

"You are afraid Loki could be disappointed, maybe deeply hurt in this.", She stated. “I'm always worried about Loki. Only me knows how vulnerable he is. I hope Will will understand this quickly.” The grim undertone could not be ignored. Jane pressed her lips to his hair. "Does Loki know you feel that way?" "I'm pretty sure about it, yes." She said dryly, "Then it's no wonder he introduces him to your parents first." "Wh-what?" “Come on. All of you are always claiming the most terrifying person in this family is your lovely mother and now I have to learn I have two children with a grim Vendetta fan.” Thor had to laugh and in an instant sounded like the cheerful sunshine he was again. “I'm sure I'm too worried. Loki knows what he's doing. I'm sure of it.” “And when William gets to know you, he'll probably put fake papers in the bedside table for an 'just in case' escape.” “You're making fun of me. “ “Just a little bit. I know how close you are. I think it's wonderful. It makes you even more lovable - and just a little bit more terrifying." Thor chuckled: “Mind if I switch to _only_ -lovable?" With that he took her in his arms. "Not at all ..." she breathed against his lips.

*

William Harrington was in the center of his spacious living room, looking around desperately. He'd been cleaning up for hours (well, _days_ actually!) And it was still cluttered and chaotic. On the one hand, this was because he lacked a bit of the necessary concentration. This visit made him quite a little nervous, admittedly. He couldn't fail to google the Starks Senior - as stupid as he was – just like when he had back then with Loki. What impressive people! Although he didn't think he would have to invite them to his house, the plan was to have dinner together in a restaurant and a tour of Williams' adopted home the next day. Could a simple university professor meet their expectations of a partner for one of their sons? Loki _would_ certainly visit him in his home. Maybe he would even be sleeping there! Will had a guest room (at least that one was tidied up and polished to a shine by his housekeeper!) And a nearly 30-year-old probably no longer stayed with his parents in a hotel ... Although of course he couldn't know. Loki was a lucky bag! They had moved their visit at the end of January to Minneapolis without further ado because Winnipeg was the venue for the ice hockey world championship at the time and Loki feared the city might be too crowded and too 'falsified'. For his first visit he wanted something else - apparently. So it would be, so to speak, the premiere of 'I have to reveal my thrift shop of a home to the love of my life.'

The other reason why he couldn't put things in order was he simply couldn't put away the stacks of books he had spread around the room - two or three next to each piece of sitting furniture. All of his post-it bookmarks, color-coordinated with discussion topics for chats with his beloved literature enthusiast, happily waved to him from hundreds of books, eagerly waiting to be discussed with Loki. Many a pile of books also had something to do with his work. He did not read in his study. The light there wasn't that good and it was more functional than inspiring. However, he had to admit he not only had countless books lying around, but also all sorts of accumulated bells and whistles. He has lived alone since he was hired ten years ago - almost nine of them in this house. He had never brought home occasional lovers. He had always been an advocate of 'neutral ground for neutral one-night stands'. The only more-or-less steady relationship since he'd lived in this house he had had about four years ago, and most of it had taken place in the other man's apartment.

Year after year, his house was sunken more and more into chaos and an expression of his exuberantly romantic personality. In addition to books, newspaper articles, art prints, sketches, postcards and photos were piled on the shelves and on the surfaces of the sideboards. He had a lot of sprawling houseplants, and patched blankets and throw pillows were scattered on all of his chairs. There were handicraft collector's items as well as gnarled picturesque branches brought back from hikes, bizarre stones, even the skeleton of a rodent he could not name! He shook his head even more desperately. This was hopeless ... Would six days be enough to buy a house and set it up believably as his home? That was to be doubted! And would it be fair? If he hid this – his _real_ \- home from Loki, wouldn't it betray their relationship? This house was who he - William Harrington - was! All through and through and honest. And one thing could be said with certainty: There was a lot to talk about! He had to laugh. And at least it was clean. It wasn't disgusting ...

So he stopped trying to clean up to inspect his closet. There the next crisis was waiting for him. . After a while, frustrated, he slammed the closet door. How wonderfully uncomplicated it was when he and Loki only met online! But how much more precious, on the other hand, was what he had with him now! William sighed and texted a very dear colleague and friend:

“ _Liz, you have to help me! I have no taste and nothing to wear!_ "

Elizabeth O'Mara was the best-dressed computer scientist on campus and a good friend, but still not informed about the upcoming visit, or even in any particulars of Wills ominous love affair... _But_ she was very well informed about the deplorable condition of Will's closet though.

“ _Shopping tomorrow after class ends. Get ready for a long day! What do you have a gay best friend for if he knows nothing, absolutely nothing about fashion?_ "

" _For dressing up? Just imagine I'm your Ken doll!_ "

" _I haven't played with Barbie dolls._ "

" _And yet you understood the reference - it is a cultural asset, so to speak!"_

" _A long day!!!_ "

Two bulging bags from a man's outfitter next to them, Liz and Will were having a late dinner. “So: Has your mysterious lover, about whom you are silent like a monk with a vow of silence, made a comment about your dress style or whats gotten into you?” Will laughed a little helplessly: “What do you mean by my dress style?” “You are the worst dressed gay man on this planet, William. But today a cornerstone was laid. You can call the Salvation Army to remove the contents of your closet.” “Well ... As if it depends on what a person is wearing.” “Apparently it has recently been doing so. Are you finally going to tell me about the man who makes you glow like that?” “Wh-what?” “Yes, you're actually floating. And I am very curious. Why don't you tell me about him? Does he have a dark secret? Is he a superhero or - Oh no, Will, he is hopefully not a porn star?” “Well ... not all of this would be horrible. The boys all look great and um ... are _talented_.” “On the flip side, they have more sex in a month – with different men - than you've had in your entire life.” “Liz! This is not true! I had a very lively college time.” “Until you threw your whole mind overboard and let yourself be ruined for the man's world for years.” Will sighed.

“Sorry. Let's not talk about the past. Who is it?” “He's ... Well, he's pretty famous.” The friend's eyebrows threatened to disappear into her hairline. "Famous? As in Hollywood famous or more like in Association of Canadian Linguists famous?” “Why are you so mean?” “I just can't imagine you would feel comfortable by the side of a star, but I'm convinced of the fact any star could consider themself lucky to find a treasure like you.” Will was reconciled. "He's _actually_ a star," he showed off a bit. “Now you have to unpack!” “He works on Broadway in New York. And he _is_ a star there too.” “When I google Broadway star later, I get thousands of entries. Do you want me to spend the night going through them all and wondering who might have conquered you?" William grinned: "Sounds fun - to me.” “You are a monster.” “Liz. .. I ... He's coming to Winnipeg on the weekend and he's coming with his parents.” “ _Excuse_ me? How serious is this thing? Will I get a wedding invitation soon?” “I'm telling you everything afterwards. Promise. But I'm a little ... um, superstitious? I have to go smoothly over with it first.” “All right, Will. I'll take you at your word. But keep your sanity and reason this time, please.", She concluded seriously. He smiled crookedly: "I'm afraid it's too late for this warning." "You are hopeless!"

*

Preparations for this meeting were in full swing in New York as well. Pepper Stark also went shopping. Namely, to get herself and her husband a - let's call it - Canada vacation outfit. There was no way she wanted them to come across as New York snobs! Tony did a little research on Canada's education system and political situation in order to keep a conversation going. He'd never forgive himself for screwing this up. Loki was in love to an extent that amazed his father - not very much, but still. He knew, of course, his son was capable of strong emotions. But from snippets he had been able to filter out of his barely existing love life - plus one or the other (rare) dry remark, spread over the years of his adult life ... well it was hard to imagine Loki would be so smitten by someone. But it was a fact on the other hand: Loki was on fire! Very obviously. He'd bought an apartment for two, had his boyfriend issued a partner credit card, and wanted him to meet his family. It had never happened before. (Loki had briefed his father about the credit card in a short message so Jarvis would not collapse while monitoring attacks on any family assets in the face of a charge on Loki's account from Canada.

But of course he was overjoyed. He and his wife had sometimes imagined a life-long stony path in the darkest colors for their son, deeply saddened he might not find his happiness this way. Of course it could have been he wouldn't have needed it at all - in contrast to his brothers, who all attached a large portion of their satisfaction to their love life and happiness. But that this had now happened, this relationship, which Loki had in his own way erupted into love and passion, showed he needed it after all - a happiness with love. And he had found it ... By the way, Tony fully trusted his judgment. Loki wasn't the kind of person to fall for a swindler or a bluff. The only thing able to stand in his way was himself and the lack of belief in himself. That is why it was so important this trip was casual, comfortable and uncomplicated. His son thought he was a weirdo - an _alien_ (Tony knew the feeling very well!). Them, his parents, ought not be eccentric to embarrass the Winnipeg linguistics professor. A huge task ...

*

And Loki himself?

Wasn't he actually the broken one in the family after all? Why was it so easy for all of them to simply accept and live the most natural and wonderful things in the world while he himself always and constantly had to calm his seething brain and sometimes wondered for minutes whether he really can add an emoji that was not in the least similar to human facial expressions and yet expressed a certain feeling so amazingly aptly. What did Will find in him …

" _And? Has Winnipeg prepared properly for the Kardashians of Business' visit?” “Gosh, what are you mean.” “But no. I am only aware of the effect of my dazzling family.” “Dazzling? Your family? It feels like everyone has either been married to the same person for a hundred years or at least is devoted to one and the same as long. There are teachers, housemen, auto mechanics, community college students, kids, cats and barbeques on July 4th ...” “And me, the family maniac.” “This of course is dazzling. But what can I say? I'm gay! Us gay boys have absolutely nothing against some dazzling!” “Are you nervous?” “Nervous is no expression at all! The Kardashians of Business are coming to visit me and a very special theater director and literature enthusiast who, speaks of himself as a maniac. Tsas.” “Do you have a better description for him?” “Oh yes! I am a linguist, I can do great things with words: He is more to me than he could dream. He is the moon when I'm lost in darkness and my warmth, when I shiver with cold._ _His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of. I love this man beyond measure and reason._ _He is everything and more. And definitely not a maniac. Again: Tsas.”_ Loki's hand flew to his face while reading, he pressed his fingertips to his lips. "Oh Will .." he whispered and without noticing it, wiped a tear from his cheek. He gathered again and sent - an emoji. The one with his eyes swimming in tears ... Maybe he could do this after all.

Later, before he went to sleep, William of course got a more appropriate reaction than a round, yellow face without hair: _“You are the fulfillment of all my unimagined wishes. You're a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don't know how I lived without you for so long. I love you, William, more than you can imagine. I have always loved you and I will always love you. ... pleased?"_ Will reacted in roughly the same way as his lover before and wiped away a few tears, but answered in an instant: " _Not bad. Do you have another one?_ ” After Loki's answer to his declaration of love, sending him an emoji! - he thought for a long time. It seemed time to add a little naturalness and looseness to their relationship. So his lover could feel 'more normal' ... Loki hesitated before he gave: " _With you, I have the feeling I might not be a broken person after all._ " _Okay_ , Will thought, _no more fun_. He switched to voice call. Breathlessly he counted the ringtones. Five ... eight ... eleven ... 13 ..

"Yes?" William Harrington didn't show the inexpressible relief he felt. “Darling, what is it to you?” Loki laughed a little forced: “You asked me that before. It's you. _You_ are.” “And I have this answer burned into my heart forever. But it is - at least right now - not all that is to you, beloved. Are you concerned about this trip? We'll find a solution if it's too fast, too big for you. Come alone or even leave it be. Spring break isn't that long anymore! Tell your parents I broke my leg. I'm breaking my leg if it helps!” “Will!”, his laugh was no longer forced. “You're babbling.” “Oh. Yes, you are right.” “Please don't break your leg. How did you want to do that?” “Hm. Google's helping, I guess?” “I ... no, I've got no concerns - not about you or my parents or this encounter. I only ever have concerns about myself. I find it hard to believe I'm not screwing this up in some unforeseen and therefore very 'Loki Stark'-way.” Will took a deep breath. “For me, there is nothing more wonderful than the 'Loki Stark'-way. If you can't trust yourself darling then trust me. Can you do this, love?” “I would so much like to..” “I'm telling you something: The Loki Stark-way is exactly what makes my heart sing, what drives me out of my mind and is nearly shattering my iron self-control not to stir around in my pants like a teenager. I love you. Nothing else – noone else could make me so happy. "

The fact Loki was silent for a while made Will break out in a sweat.

"Wow. That was ... that is ... Will! For the first time in my life, I feel the urge to - how was that? - stir around in my pants like a teenager. What are you doing to me?” “If it's up to me, nothing but making you happy.” “Yeah... Yes, Will, you do. You really do.", Loki sounded a little absent, deep in thought. Or he was 'stirring around his pants like a teenager' ... "I'm coming to Winnipeg, as agreed - with my parents." "Then I have to hang up and keep cleaning." Loki laughed. "Leave your chaotic house as it is - it doesn't matter." "No?" “I guess it... is _you_. And for me there is nothing better than ... _you_.” “I love you. And ... thank you ... thank you for coming and ... oh simply thank you. I have to thank your parents making you exist.” “And how do you imagine this? 'Thanks for having sex?'?” Will laughed out loud. "No, thanks. "See you on Saturday.” “I'm looking forward to it! "

(~ quote from 'The Old Guard' ~ a Netflix movie by Gina Prince-Bethwood)


	124. Meet the Parents!

**Meet the Parents!**

William Harrington was in front of the mirror picking at his hair. The clothes he'd bought with Liz this week felt strange, but they were very trendy, he had to admit. Simple, well-cut trousers in a dark gray, a subtle but tastefully patterned shirt and a casual Friday jacket, plus Doc Martens, a light version of those brand of shoes. He felt like being costumed ... Loki and his parents had arrived an hour ago, as his boyfriend had informed him. They were freshening up and Loki would pick him up in a quarter of an hour so everyone could meet at the 'Dancing Noodles', a by Will suggested restaurant with selected Asian specialties from various Far Eastern cuisines. The moment Loki entered his chaotic house, he wanted to delay that a bit, so he stepped outside the door a few minutes before the appointed time to wait for Loki and his rental car.

Will had been surprised when he told him on the phone he had booked a rental car. "You're driving a car?" Loki imitated a statement of Will's about cooking from his New York vacation: "Isn't everyone driving a car?" He had to laugh and replied: "New Yorkers do better not." "What does that mean?" “You don't _drive_ a car in New York, you're _standing_ with your car. In fact, you have no experience.” “You really have a lot of prejudice about New York and New Yorkers.” “What can I say? I watched too much TV in my youth!” “Is it okay with you in an hour?” “I'll be ready!” Less than an hour later - Loki was always on time, it was not to be expected he would come earlier than agreed - he stepped on his threshold. He was happy to be wearing a coat and scarf, it was sometimes still very cold at the end of March, especially on clear days like this. But he could safely leave the umbrella at home.

The little car from the well-known rental agency was just coming down the street and stopped in front of his driveway when Will locked his house. He hurried down when Loki got out. Tall, lean and graceful, his hair a little longer than last time, a small but honest smile on his face made his heart pounding fast. He walked around the car, apparently to gallantly hold the door open for Will. When they faced each other, Loki's smile widened. “How narrow-minded is your neighborhood?” Will, a bit startled, answered: “I don't think it is at all. The house next to mine is home to a wild student flat-share, diagonally opposite anarchy-hippies are living their lives - the last of their kind on this planet. Why're you asking?” Loki put his hand on his cheek bowing his head. _Oh._ Williams' hand, which got lost on his chest during the intimate hello kiss, trembled slightly at the end and when he broke away a little breathlessly, his boyfriend breathed: "I've missed you so much." “I've missed you, too. But now in with you, you're not wearing a coat, it's cold!"

Will took off his too and put it on the back seat with Loki's. Before starting the car, he looked over at Will: "Are you nervous?" "Well, yes, I have to admit." He nodded. "I can imagine. Incidentally, I have my bags in the trunk and would be happy to have a place to stay for the night in a true Canadian home - instead of a hotel room." William swallowed, but hastened to answer:" You are more than welcome at mine. I'm happy.” Loki drove off. "Well, when traveling it is always advisable to mingle with the locals to get to know their culture and nature." He winked. “Wise advice. But I'm probably not very representative.” “According to your prejudice about New Yorkers, I am not, either.” “At least you can study what this local next to you's having for breakfast - and what nightwear he wears. Because this local doesn't change before noon on weekends.", William winked. Loki laughed softly. "I'm sure I'll find out a long time before that." _Oh_. The separation had apparently been long enough to put Loki in a certain amorous mood ... Well, who was he to complain about that?

Arrived at the restaurant, Loki led him to their table, his warm hand in the small of his back gave him strength and he was able to calm his fluttering nerves a little. Tony Stark politely got up to meet his son's boyfriend. William, who knew how to behave, inclined his head politely in Pepper Stark's direction: "Ma'am." Then he turned to Mr. Stark. "Mr. Stark, sir." They shook hands. "Mr. Harrington." "William, please." He smiled charmingly: "Only when you're calling me Tony." “I can be able to do that." "Take a seat!" Pepper called out. Tony poured water into all their glasses, asked Will if he wanted some wine. He declined with the words: "To the main course, please. How was your flight?" It wasn't an exciting start to a conversation, but it always served with guests from abroad. The conversation soon turned to more interesting topics and when Pepper asked, “So, tell me, William. You have to be very busy with your exams just before the end of semester.” William laughed softly. "The worst's facing me after the exams, ma'am: _correcting_ exams."

"Tell them about the emojis, dear." The glance the two men gave each other at Loki's brief objection, smiling widely, with flashing eyes full of cheerfulness, conjured a warm smile on the faces of his parents. Loki and his boyfriend hadn't interacted much since they had come to their table about 20 minutes ago and Loki had largely left the conversation to his parents and Will while eating his starters. But the short exchange showed familiarity, understanding and intimacy through everyday conversations. Nothing shapes a relationship more than dealing with each other in everyday life ... “So? Those emojis?” Tony asked curiously. "The digital age is the nemesis of every linguist.", William sighed, "but without it we would hardly be at the same table tonight, so I'm forgiving." Loki, who was next to him, put his hand on Will's squeezing it affectionately. His parents did not miss the fact his boyfriend interlaced two of his fingers with Lokis for some moment.

“I probably don't have to tell you much about the brutalisation and impoverishment of language through short messages, acronyms, chat rooms and life tickers that are limited to the essentials. After all, you both live with a teenager under the same roof.” They all giggled to themselves. "When you've finished telling your story, let me show you some very eloquent short messages from said teenage boy," Tony interjected. “Well, Loki told me he was aiming for a career in engineering. I don't have the same demands on engineers as I do on my students. But aren't you supposed to think young people who, by their own account, have committed themselves to a degree in linguistics, literature or the English language with enthusiasm and conviction, of their own free will and out of love for the written word, aren't they supposed to have a certain shyness or even aversion to use the key combination 'colon - uppercase D' in a scientific paper without hesitation?"

His eager audience listened with amusement. William Harrington was a master of words - undoubtedly, and his way of telling an anecdote was lively and compelling. Loki next to him beamed with pride - and love in his calm, reserved way. His parents briefly pressed their legs together under the table. “Well, believe it or not, I couldn't blame you, if not, it still falls to me today - after years! - hard to believe and I've seen it with my own eyes - _had to_ see it! This first homework of a promising freshman - he discussed literature so heatedly and always found appropriate words - while correcting his work I thought I was in a nightmare, an unforgettable one at that! The assignment required a characterization and detailed analysis of Emily Bronte's 'Wuthering Heights'. Said, promising freshman used - without a lie - emojis, artistically reconstructed from punctuation marks and letters, to describe every feeling, every emotion, every movement of the protagonists. I assume you are familiar with the work? Those characters in there have a lot of feelings - all the time! After the first page my eyes were twitching from the numerous commas, semicolons, slashes and heaven knows what else!” Loki smiled broadly - he already knew the story. His parents burst out laughing.

"How did it end? Did you introduce a new grade? In the form of a vomiting emoji made from punctuation marks and letters?” Pepper asked with a laugh. William just had to laugh back. "No, unfortunately not. In the event this happens to me again, I'd better ask my colleagues from the Faculty of Design. They can certainly help out.” Between the starters and the main course, everyone was amused by 'translating' Peter's cryptic messages - with a lot of abbreviations and _emojis._ "FTW - yes, there was something ..." William chuckled. “I once asked a hip colleague why young people used the good old – I'm sorry - _what the fuck_ backwards. At first she didn't know what I was talking about and when she realized I was transforming the abbreviation for _for the win_ into - sorry again - _fuck the what,_ she had to laugh up to having to hold her sides.” William entertained the dinner party superbly. Well, he was a teacher and used to being the center of attention, used to speaking in front of people and the fact his counterparts were the parents - and billionaires too! - of his lover made him much less nervous than he had thought. Mr and Mrs Stark were adorable!

The night out was pleasant throughout all the time. The four people chatted and laughed together like old friends. And when they said goodbye to each other at the door around ten, everyone was looking forward to the next day, when Will would present them a personal tour of the city. The hotel where the Starks senior resided was within walking distance, so Loki and Will could drive straight to his house. All the nervousness he thought he had shaken off came back in one fell swoop when he thought of his crammed house. He was a little quiet on the 20-minute drive, but Loki didn't push, although he could feel the change in his boyfriend's mood. Of course, William noticed the silence between them was a bit embarrassing and broke it with the words: "You're driving quite well." Loki chuckled, relieved Will was saying something again. “For a New Yorker?” “No, I mean generally.” “I'm almost 30. I've been doing this for 14 years. In addition, the trick when driving a car is pure perception and comprehension. I'm not insignificantly equipped with those.” “I know, dear!” He took a deep breath.

"And that's why I am also aware you must have noticed I was uncomfortable," he said bravely. Loki's only visible reaction to that was a tighter grip on the steering wheel - but only briefly. "It has nothing to do with this dinner date and nothing to do with you, you have to believe me!" "Will ... I _can_ sleep in a hotel. Without thinking anything of it.” That was the truth. Loki was never insincere about things like that. And that was exactly what gave him a pang. The cool acceptance of not spending the night with Will as planned, but in an impersonal hotel room. Didn't he mind they'd split up again, if only for a short night? But wait, he didn't _have to_. Just because he couldn't tidy up his house and was getting a fit of nerves over it, it didn't mean Loki didn't really want to sleep at his'! It was just his way of not imposing himself, accepting Will's needs for privacy. He sighed. Of course Loki didn't miss it and pulled over to the right.

"Why are you stopping?" "This can't wait: Why don't you want me in your house?" Will was speechless for a moment. Well, but on the other hand it wasn't surprising Loki felt what was going on inside him and just as little was it surprising he bluntly called it by name .. "Loki ...", Will let out an audible excess air . "It's not that I don't _want_ you in..." he cut himself off. “My house is a junk shop!” “Literally or metaphorically?” He laughed: “Only _you_ can ask a question like that.” “Is it inappropriate? Well, I don't know how well or badly university professors are paid in Canada. Who knows? Maybe you need the little sideline.” “You're not joking,” William stated. “Actually I am, but there is still a core of seriousness in it. But not as much as when I've asked: Why don't you want me in your house?” Will took a deep breath. So this was the moment when his past caught up with him. He closed his eyes in agony. Loki put a hand on his thigh. "William. You certainly don't have a literal corpse in the basement. Should you have a metaphorical corpse in the basement, I hope you will not seriously assume I am snooping around your house to bring something to light you were not yet ready to reveal to me.” “No! _Of course_ not! A decent person like you would never do something like that!” “And it takes a decent person to recognize and appreciate another. A person like you."

"I haven't told you everything about myself and my house is a complete mess." Will gushed out. He was strangely relieved. Loki breathed out and in again with relief. "Well. I understand. And I'm happy you communicate this to me so openly.” “What's good about it?” “It's good you don't take refuge in flimsy excuses. The good thing is: you are open to me. And the good thing is I now have a beginning from which I can work.” “And that would be?” Will asked anxiously. “Let's start with your chaotic junk shop of home. What do you think, how I've imagined your home?” “Uh... " “Well, I'm telling you: a person's home reflects his personality more than anything else. You are romantic, interested in many things, always involved in dozens of projects and developments around you. You have a picturesque way of speaking, of describing things. Your somewhat - not today, who's dressed you up for this evening? - careless way of dressing, it is all so much _you_ so it would delight any psychologist. "

"Please explain this to me." “You don't care much for structure. You value things insignificant and unusual for other people. You love the picturesque. Status and impact are second or even third place in meaning for you. Your mind is always in motion and you never want to waste time dwelling on everyday triviality. When you visited New York, you took a gnarled branch from Central Park and a half-torn movie program with you as souvenirs. And now I'm asking you again: How do you think I've imagined your home to be?” Loki's smile was warm and encouraging. " _Oh_ ," Will said, taking a shaky breath. “This is ... well, this is pretty appropriate. Yes, I like the unusual, everything deviating from the norm and I don't care about trivialities...” “Yes you like _me,_ too.” Loki said casually, but he didn't fool Will with his indifferent tone. "Not correct. I _love_ you. You are what has fascinated and moved me the most in my whole life so far and what I have loved most in my - _do love_ the unbelievably most!"

"And I love you too. And I want to see your home. I will love it, because it has to be ' _you_ ' so much I will be embraced by it and feel safe in it from the very first moment." Will only thought for a moment. "Yes. I also want you to see my home.” "So?" "Let's go home."

*

"William is enchanting!" Pepper enthused over a late glass of wine in their suite. “Yes, he is undoubtedly Loki's counterpart. They complement each other, perfect each other and are so immensely reflected. How lucky is that?” Tony's eyes shimmered wetly. "Darling ...", Pepper took his hand, "we gave them all everything on the way to find that - their greatest happiness! And check it out! They are all so well-raised and have fallen in love with just as well-doing, valuable people as they are. And everyone has forged their luck, found it or has it in promising work. We can be proud of them and of ourselves. We did well.” “Yes, you are right. But who would have thought that Steve, of all people, would become our problem child in later years. I mean, he's replacing Loki - _Loki!_ ”Pepper looked sad for a moment. “I am happy for Loki. He's a wonderful person and deserves this! But you're right about Steve ... How come he and Bucky keep making it so difficult?” Tony sighed. “They are made for each other and yet they are also a bit like plus and minus poles. They attract each other in an incredibly strong way, but if you manipulate their environment, so to speak 'trick' one of the poles into believing they have changed their signs, they suddenly repel each other with all their might ... "

“You've explained that nicely. How can we protect them from those influences?” Tony sighed again: “Not at all.” Pepper hit his forearm playfully. "Ouch! Are you hitting me again now? And I've thought you had gotten rid of that habit! ” She laughed. After she got serious again. "Not at all? That's awful!” “Well, yes, it is. But maybe we can do something about it. The linchpin is Bucky. The boy is the most complicated human being I've ever met – and again: I am _Loki'_ s father!” He laughed, half desperately. “And what can we do about Bucky and his complicated nature?” “Somehow make him understand his worth and importance? Not an easy task after the excellent performance of his awful parents...“ Pepper sighed. "The poor boy." Tony grunted half sad, half amused. "Fate at least made up to him a little with his face." Pepper laughed out loud. "This I can sign!"

*

Will shuffled nervously from one foot to the other while Loki took his time to look around his living room. He absorbed everything in calm curious concentration, turning slowly around his own axis. When he looked back at Williams' face at the end of his panoramic inspection, he laughed at the guilty look of a schoolboy who hadn't tidied his room. “Oh Will, to look at the _face_ you're making” “Is that what you have to say something about? My face can hardly be the most noteworthy thing in here.” Loki's smile widened. “Leave this to me to judgement.” “What do you say?” The question was accompanied by a gesture encompassing the entire room. "I love it. It's like ' _you_ '.” William made the short distance to Loki, raised his face and his lover understood, bowed his head to kiss him. When they parted, William's cheeks were a little pink and his eyes were shiny. "Let's bring your bags upstairs, I'm showing you your room."

While his host was busy in the kitchen to make tea, Loki looked around a little more, picked up one or the other object, scanned a few brochures (a brochure about one of his own plays was also among them) and when he, one bizarre chunk of salt crystal in his hands, heard William return, he turned expectantly, lifted the crystal smirking: “A relic from the 90s. Haven't you been completely honest with me about your date of birth?" Will giggled, "I can show you my birth certificate. And remember: I'm _also_ a relic from the 90s.” He was born in 1999. "Well, if you want to be influenced by the sheer figure of your birth year, then let me tell you we both belong to the same generation and are both a little lost in time. Don't you agree with me?” “If you mean the fact we don't instinctively shudder in fear at what is hidden between two book covers, then you may be right. But on the other hand, I cannot thank modern technology enough. How would I have gotten to know you in the age of carrier pigeons and stagecoaches? "

They sat next to each other, facing each other, their knees touching and sipping the black tea flavored with ginger and a hint of bergamot in great comfort. Loki raised a shoulder. "You can not know this. Hasn't life always been completely crazy? And not just life, people too.” “Is there anything you are ashamed of?” Will burst out of nowhere. Loki's expression became a little wary. "Of course, after all, that applies to almost everyone who is not exactly a fiend and thus incapable of feeling guilt, right?" "Yes, of course, but ..." he paused. “William, dear, you may torment yourself because you have confessed to me you are hiding something. But you don't have to. I am ready to wait patiently for you to be ready. It's in your hands.” “But it's ... _big,_ and the more time goes by, the less I see a way in which this thing won't come between us.” “You're not helping right now to leave me in my innocent non-curiosity. I will not ask you to confide in me, but I cannot deny you are worrying me a little. Is there a _literal_ corpse in your basement after all?” His little joke didn't help his boyfriend to relax.

Loki set his cup down resolutely, William did the same, nervously, an unspoken question in his brown eyes. “Is this one of those interpersonal things that I don't understand? Do you want me, consciously or unconsciously, in the end to be more curious and pushing?” Loki's tone of voice was neutral, but it didn't have the usual loving undertone. "I've pissed you off," Will stated. “If I seem angry to you, rest assured my anger is only aimed at myself. Not in the personal 'I hate myself' fashion, don't worry. But I have to admit, sometimes I hate my helplessness in interpreting ambiguous signals. At least since I've had a serious love affair. You mustn't forget, this is the first time I'm doing this.” William swallowed, “Will you forgive me that I now hate myself in a very dramatic way?” “But why, darling? Because you cannot force yourself to organize your conflicting thoughts, to not understand and not be able to decide what you want? You can't expect anyone to always know what they want. Don't be so hard on yourself.” “I know I want _you_. I want _this_ and I know I love you and the most important thing in the whole world is not screwing this up."

"A life confession out of this situation is not a wise idea, beloved," Loki said softly and squeezed Will's hand. He twisted it up to clasp Loki's fingers, interlocking them with his. "Can you read minds?" He breathed. "No. It was obvious what was about to come next. If you insist, I won't stop you. But I advise you to wait for a time when you are a little more relaxed.” “I don't think being relaxed is on the program at the moment.” “I can change that. ”

The fact William found himself on his sofa less than a minute later in a not exactly relaxing make-out session with the most exciting man in the world at least made him think of complete different matters and the fact Loki soon suggested moving the event to another room, convinced him he would definitely be relaxed later that night. (...)

Will was almost asleep when his lover whispered to him: “If you wake up later and I'm not here anymore, rest assured, I'm only in the other room. Promise me you will stay relaxed.” “'romise...” He didn't even notice the gentle good night kiss on his shoulder.

Shortly after seven thirty, when it got light in his bedroom - they had forgotten to lower the blinds that night - William woke up with a smile on his face. With his eyes still closed, he knitted his eyebrows. Something was different than usual ... He blinked sleepily and then opened his eyes. He saw Loki's face - less than a foot from his! His hair was messy and it looked like he hadn't taken care of nightwear. "You ...", he had to clear his throat, "You are still here." "I felt like it after last night.", Loki replied meaningfully, "I haven't wanted to leave you alone." William puts his fingertips on his cheek and looked gratefully into his eyes. "Thanks .." he breathed. "I hope you don't expect me ...", Loki interrupted himself with a sigh, "that probably won't happen that often... I haven't woken up in bed with another person since I was a kid." “That .. that's fine. I won't insist. Thank you for ... _thank you.” “_ How are you?” Will took a deep breath. "I've been married before." Loki's only reaction to this revelation was a surprised blink ...

Half an hour later, showered and comfortably dressed, they made breakfast, side-by-side. Will - of course - made pancakes with syrup, local cuisine, and Loki made coffee and tea and set the table. After William had pulled the covers over his head with a kind of agonized grunt after his 'confession', Loki had got up, put on his pants, grabbed his other stuff, circled the bed and put his hand on the covers where he suspected William's shoulder. “You're only telling me what you're ready to tell me. If you want me to encourage you with questions, please make me know. I want to hear everything you _want_ to tell me, but not a single word more. I want you to know I would be happy if we meet in the kitchen after doing our ablutions to make breakfast. You'll find me there when you're ready.” The somewhat choked “Alright ... And thank you.” from under the covers he took as approval.

While having breakfast, Will gave him a thoughtful look. “What do you say?” “Well, in any case, I'm glad there is a man out there who you once trusted so well to give him your hand for marriage, but at least that dunderhead was stupid enough to let go off you again in the end so I can have you. I _am_ glad.” William had to laugh a bit. "And what do you think of it, honestly?" Loki tilted his head. “Questions wanted?” When William agreed, he asked: “When?” “I was still in England and still at university, fourth semester. Pavel was an exchange student of classical violin from Eastern Europe and I fell for him, head over heels. He had fiery black eyes and he was a miraclous violinist - one of those talents of the century. We hadn't known each other for full three months before we went in front of the registrar. The sky was not long full of violins. We were very different, decisive difference: I was loyal and he was not. But that wasn't all of it... That marriage was one of the only two crazy things in life I've dared do and it cost me a lot. Two lost semesters, good friends I didn't care about anymore, a large part of my savings and my heart.” “I'm so sorry."

“In addition, it shook my belief in love for years. I was 22 years old and I was about to get divorced from my greatest love. I asked him for one last talk, in a huge hope we might still be able to save what we'd once were having. I was ready to forgive him for his infidelity and to accept his need to act out the passionate, free-spirited artist. I was ready to give up everything I'd worked hard for to follow him to the Czech Republic. He came to this conversation. With his new lover, a rich man in his 30s. He came to humiliate and mock me. To wonder how I could have imagined I was able to fascinate someone like him for a long time. He claimed I had deceived him about my financial circumstances and if he had known the assets I had left after a lavish year with my demanding husband would only be enough to pay for my university fees, he would not have looked at me a second time. He threw all that in my face, watched by his satisfied smirking lover. I let it wash over me, as if numb, and when they finally left, I went to get myself a bottle of fizzy liqueur to celebrate 'farewell' to all my dreams all by myself. I know. We Englishmen are a strange breed of people. "

Williams' crooked smile collapsed at the expression in his boyfriend's face. He looked so strange! He swallowed nervously. Loki got up so suddenly making Will jump. Loki had turned away from him. He noticed his hands clenching into fists at his sides and his head hanging down to his chest. Will got up slowly, circled him carefully and when he could look him in the face, his heart contracted. So much pain and blazing anger, incomprehension and bewilderment could be read in it. If his lover felt those emotions even only half as much as he was expressing them, he must feel terrible! And that's because Will had told him a sad story from ages ago. He was ashamed ... After a long silence they spoke again at the same time: "I-I'm sorry." - "What happened to him?" "Why do you ask?" "Tell me when you know." he hissed. Loki's anger might be blazing, but it also seemed ice-cold. He radiated a real lust for murder! “Can we sit down again? Please...“ Loki jerked out of his stupor.

"Of course." William must have imagined his lust for murder. Loki sounded and looked all the same as always when they sat down again. “He ...” “I don't know my way around the classical musician scene very well, but I've never heard of a violin virtuoso named _Pavel_. Nothing spectacular has happened to his glamorous career, I suppose.” William took a deep breath: “Pavel died of an overdose three years after our divorce.” And if he had thought Loki looked strange a few moments ago, it was nothing against the expression of sheer horror and torment, and - was that shame? - which he now showed. "Will .." he whispered brokenly before dropping his head into his trembling hands in a painfully touching way. William was frozen but only for a short time. The painful sobs were harrowing and he shook off his shock to rush to Loki's side. He pulled his bowed head to his stomach and stroked his trembling shoulders soothingly. The front of his T-shirt was quickly soaked with Loki's hot tears. It took a while for him to calm down. Loki apologized to go wash his face.

When he came back he looked calm and composed. “I hope you're not mad at me. I've postponed the appointment with my parents for two hours.” “Of course not.” In fact, they would have gotten dressed for the original time soon. “I must have given you a real scare. I'm sorry.” “Stop. I'm sorry, of course, but I think I have to ask for an explanation.” William looked at him, also apologizing. “Legitimate. William, first I want you to know I am not blaming you. Neither for the fact you did something stupid you've paid dearly for, barely outgrown your youth. How cruel would I be if I did that? But also not for not telling me this in a long time. I understand. It's not something you trust an internet acquaintance with, and when things got more serious with us, it became more and more difficult for you precisely because more and more time passed by in which you kept this unpleasant experience to yourself. No accusation whatsoever. This is important. Do you believe me?” William looked at him steadily giving him an earnest nod.

“Your story aroused all sorts of feelings in me and I couldn't cope with the flood of emotions. When this happens to me, experts talk about _overload_ , it can be compared with the system overload of a computer. My system – which of course is my brain - is flooded by its own biochemistry and I am no longer able to distinguish between individual impulses, everything becomes an inseparable emotional chaos. I know this is an inflationary term, but in my case it is the most appropriate one. Compassion, pain, grief and anger, but also lack of understanding, fear and jealousy all danced a wild polka in and with me and finally culminated in ice-cold anger and thirst for revenge. You don't have to worry, I'm not a psychopath. Those feelings paralyze me, but they don't rule me. I am not dangerous, just hopelessly confused and helpless when it happens to me. When I asked you if you knew what happened to him, I was delighted in the idea of getting back at him for what he did to you - but it was a mere imagination, a fantasy I wouldn't put into practice."

“I understand and I believe you. Why did you feel fear and why ... jealousy?” Loki sighed heavily: “Well, you loved this man enough to marry him and he left his mark on your life. And I felt you haven't forgotten him, your feelings for him. And of course it made me wonder whether that was - unconsciously for you – the reason to hide him from me. In order to understand how tightly episodes of emotional chaos like that have me under control, you have to know all of this happens in a split second. It's not just a phrase - my brain is actually literally going crazy.” William looked down. “I don't want to be insincere with you. Of course I haven't forgotten him. But that doesn't mean I'd wish ... I was grieved when I was sent a small box with a few personal things of him, including his cheap wedding ring with my name in it. But I never wished I could have him back.” “I understand that now, with my reasoning regained, but just at the moment I was fantasizing in the most dazzling colors of artfully ruining a heartless violinist, you told me, he had come to a sad end and I was very ashamed. "

“It was a shame. His rich second husband has drugged him and robbed him of his lust for life and wonderful talent. He was not yet 25 when he died. Even if he and I weren't for eternity, he didn't deserve this, nobody does so.” Loki nodded seriously. “You are absolutely right and when I was able to think clearly again, what's always a depressing time after those episodes, the disillusionment - it is called _shutdown_ , - mostly it is a complete withdrawal into oneself without contact to the 'outside world', earlier it was my emotional outburst. I haven't meant to scare you, worry you, or of course hurt you - least of all. But, William, what's happened today, that's me too, beloved, and if you ... ", he didn't go on. "Loki!", Will was with him in an instant, took both of his hands looking into his eyes. “Everything you are is dear to me. I love you, everything about you I won't let myself be driven away, you're too important to me and this is too precious.” Loki smiled shyly. “I ...” he whispered, “I'm not crazy. I'm not a psychopath.” “Of course you aren't, I know, darling. Let me love you for who and what you are and you will never find it necessary to make that clear again."

The day with Loki's parents was nice and relaxed - they didn't ask any questions, his explanation during their short phone call, having to cope with an overload and shutdown, was of course enough for them. When they said goodbye that evening assuring William Harrington they would look forward to be seeing him again soon, Loki stayed with him. He would stay until after his birthday on April 1st. William was delighted. To the moment Loki told him how he was going to spend his birthday. After unpacking his present - a clay mortar for pounding (pink pepper) grains from the Cree handicraft workshop - Loki laughed and informed his boyfriend of his plans: he wanted to watch the horrible film adaptation of Jane Eyre with William, out of nostalgic reasons. But the seductive, slightly malicious glitter in the eyes of his lover made a thousand butterflies fly up in Will's stomach dancing around like mad ...


	125. Long Overdue Conversations

**Long Overdue Conversations**

Bucky burst with excitement at expanding the garage into a workshop and the project was visibly taking shape week after week. And he would (and wanted) to have some important conversations after his 35th birthday. Mrs. Harper thought he was ready.

To his parents' birthday message ( _Congratulations James, and another year of happiness and health from Winifred and Dad!_ ) He replied:

“ _Thank you very much, we had a nice party with Morgan. Steve and I had a little time to ourselves in the weekend house. Morgan gave me this plaster cast Steve made with her._ (He added a picture.) _I know you had something like that from me too, I was only a year older than she is now, according to the date carved into it. She is now in kindergarten. She'll be four in summer! She's such a big girl already. Why don't you visit us some time? So she can get to know you better ... Anytime! Our house is not spacious, but we can get you nice and cozy accommodation in a B'n'B in our town. Think about it. New York is lovely in spring. You surely haven't forgotten, have you? All the best! James_ "

Bucky's parents had both sent long verbose apologies as to why they hadn't come to his wedding. That they felt uncomfortable in the 'circles' James now peopled with. Afraid to embarrass him in front of his new relatives (billionaires) and friends (royals). Bucky hadn't bought a word from them ... Now, when he thought about it, he wasn't so sure ... Winifred had since given up her hippie lifestyle and the two of them lived at Bucky's grandparents' house in Miami. They visited their son and his family once a year, taking a hotel room in New York, and each time it was a stressful and somewhat embarrassing affair. Bucky now wondered if that was a little bit his fault, too. He was always quite snappy and not very welcoming.

The last time they met was Washington's birthday in February the previous year. Bucky had gone to Washington alone with Morgan, where he met his parents and spent a weekend at the same hotel as them. Morgan was in a period of defiance and wanted her other daddy (the one who always gave in to her) and Bucky was very stressed the whole time. He had also quarreled with his father again because he said he found his disrespectful remarks very offensive on the holidays. It had been a disaster, but Bucky, as he now admitted, was not innocent ... They responded to his invitation two weeks later:

" _Dear James! We actually still have got the plaster cast!_ (There was a photo to prove it.) _Good to hear you had a nice birthday weekend. Your dad would like to spend Memorial Day in New York, you could book this place for the whole week. We won't get on your nerves either. But we haven't seen you and the little one for over a year. You will be able to spare a little time, alright? Oh and Jimmy, don't say anything to dad about Memorial Day, please. ;) All the best, Mom_ "

'Mom', not 'Winifred'. It was a long time up to Memorial Day, over two months. Enough time to have other clarifying discussions ...

Steve was in school and Morgan in Nursery School when Tony visited his son-in-law on his 'construction site' on Fridays. They watched the construction company workers for a little while, but quickly found it boring and went inside to discuss Bucky's 3D presentation of his ideas. The BARF simulation around them looked great. “Bucky, it's extraordinary! What you want to install so cleverly in such a small space, very smart!” Tony exclaimed enthusiastically. Yes, the garage had a basement and Bucky's workshop would measure 18 by 15 feet, but Tony's workshop was almost thrice the size! Bucky grinned crookedly. “I can no longer build a larger basement on our property, that takes away too much drainage surface for the rainwater. The cisterns supply our house with water, I don't want to give up this.” His father-in-law agreed.

Tony Stark was almost 66 now. His hair and beard showed a lot more gray than dark brown and his stature had lost a bit of its sportiness. The always cheerful, happy expression in his intelligent eyes, surrounded by still deep black eyelashes and many laugh lines, made him still a handsome man. "Your workshop is going to be great, my boy." With that he patted Bucky on the shoulder and he stopped the simulation. "Some coffee, Dad?" "Always." He grinned and they went to the kitchen, where Tony sat down at the table and Bucky made coffee. With steaming aromatic scented cups in hand, they were across each other and Bucky thought feverishly how to cut what was so important to him.

"Do you have something on your mind, Bucky?" His father-in-law smiled at him. Bucky stared for a moment with his mouth open. "How do you know ...?" He broke off, embarrassed. “They say I'm very smart. And I know you a little bit.", He winked. Bucky laughed nervously. "A little bit..." he snorted. “The way you turn the cup in your hands, feel for your hairstyle, as if its perfect fit inspires you with courage. How you try to straighten your shoulders and how stressful you maintain your posture ... I always admire what strong personalities you and Steve are. It took me a much longer time to get there. Maybe it's because you've had each other for so long. You're doing really well.” “Uh, yes. In addition ... Well, I have a problem." Tony's gaze grew a little sharper: "Go ahead."

“Last year when ... I hurt Steve, left him. Nobody ever said a word about it to me. I ... “, Bucky broke off his speech. His father-in-law suddenly gave him a strange look, something like... he would call it 'sore'. Had the feelings Steve's family hid from him been offended worse than he had been thinking? His palms quickly went damp with stress and he gripped his cup tighter, which didn't help, it was quite warm after all. "D-dad ... I've never apologized to any of you for..." He got stuck because Tony interrupted him, which his father-in-law very rarely did, immediately silencing him. He called out: “Bucky! Boy! Oh my God!” The older man had turned pale and his eyes were huge, round and Bucky read pain in them. He hastened to say:

“Dad, I'm so sorry! To hurt Steve so much and ...” “Stop!" Bucky started and stopped. His father-in-law buried his face in his hands rubbing vigorously some time. When he looked up again, his eyes were a little red. Bucky felt terrible ... "Bucky, son, this is ... I'm not entirely innocent of what..." Tony sighed, after he took up all his courage and straightened. "I gave Steve very bad advice when you canceled your wedding and ... you don't have to apologize for anything, absolutely nothing. For years you've only shown appreciation and respect for our family and ... you make our Steven as happy as no one else could. We're all so grateful to you for it.", His voice wavered, he sniffed, as he had been doing all his life. "D-dad, I ... don't understand," Bucky whispered, confused.

“It was a mistake to be as considerate of Steve's feelings as I was. I should have taken the strange feeling I had when he explained me the - let's call it - 'open' way of leading your relationship more seriously. Instead, I have shifted the focus of the story to reflecting on what binds you together and putting what divided you into the background.” “I don't quite understand.” “I'm sorry. I'll try differently: I have to be a little less subtle than I normally would like, please excuse me.” Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Shoot, I can take it and have a therapy session early next week - just in case you traumatize me with your clarity." Tony chuckled: "It's good you've returned to your old tone in our conversations. I was afraid you'd start calling me 'Mr Stark, sir' again soon.” His son-in-law rolled his eyes.

“With for me a bit uncomfortable clarity: Steve told me about your 'arrangement' and the strange feeling I had with it was: I couldn't imagine you were really behind this thing. As well as it might have suited you, on the surface, tolerant as you are, it just didn't suit you at all, considering what kind of person is under the Pride Flag you've wrapped around you.” At this Bucky felt like rolling his eyes again. “What I mean by that: Clear words would probably have helped Steve more than friendly understanding. Pepper told me so back then. I should have known she was right! After all, she's always right ...” he laughed briefly. "But ... my strong urge to avoid arguments with Steve sometimes's making me a bit cowardly." "Stop!", Bucky shouted, "I understand this correctly: Steve has confessed to you he is cheating and you told him this ... _lifestyle_ was okay? "

Tony looked to the side, a little embarrassed. "Well, we didn't put it into words in that much detail, but analogously ..." "B-but ... That's about the same thing I'd always said to Steve myself: nameless, impersonal sex is like small talk, to put it bluntly. I've been with a bisexual man for over 15 years and ... but ... _oh my god_ , it's all abstruse.” “If I'd told Steve, he ...” “Wait a minute, Tony," Bucky shook head violently, “Steve wasn't a child anymore. That happened around his 30th birthday! Why on earth should he have listened to you?” “I mean, I could have told him the most important thing is to find out if anything has changed in this matter, from your side. After all, it's obvious, isn't it?” “And you don't think Steve could have figured himself?” He looked a little mockingly: “You're a _genius_.” His voice sounded almost amused.

“It doesn't matter now.” “I really enjoy this right now. Steve listened to you because it played into his cards. It's that simple. Too easy for a genius?” “What do you mean by that?” “You told Steve exactly what he wanted to hear at the moment, so he could better process his guilt. And you were right after all. Steve actually had no reason to expect me to call off the wedding because of it. But in the end it is, no matter how you twist and turn, it's my fault.” “Bucky ...” “Nobody who's silent and expects his partner reading their mind can expect his partner to behave as it suits them. The only one who can be blamed here is me. All right, and Steve, but certainly not you or anyone else, except the two of us. And for my part, I am ready to answer for my mistakes. Because the way we had led our relationship for many years, looking the other way and avoiding unpleasant truths, has gotten us into the disaster last summer. And I cannot dismiss my guilt for it."

Tony studied the determined expression in his son-in-law's handsome features, the strong jaw, the proud head posture, the honest, open and relentless look - ruthless towards himself. “You, my boy, are remarkable. And very convincing. I'm almost actually mad at you right now.” The twinkle in his eyes told Bucky his father-in-law was only joking, at least with the last part. “You don't mean it and, well, I made it really difficult for Steve, so much harder than he had made it for me. It's just in my nature. I think I'd deserve a bit of 'scolding'." Tony sighed: "You're at the wrong address with me...” "But?” “You could, if you care so much, talk to Pepper.” Tony saw his son-in-law swallow and smiled sympathetically. "Yeah, I know ..." "Pepper... M-mom, she thinks differently about this..." "I don't think so for today, but she did at one point, for a while." “She's never said anything.” “Steve asked her so fervently, she couldn't refuse him. She said to me, 'Tony, can you imagine? Steve says Bucky isn't afraid of anything but me. That's ridiculous!'. Well, I didn't laugh or say anything to it. I'm too not afraid of anything but her. "

Bucky had to laugh a little: "She has no idea how scary she is?" "Oh, yes, of course she knows very well, but she thinks she can hide it well, especially from you, because she's got a little weakness for you. She was very annoyed by Steve's statement.” “She's got a _what,_ please, for _me?_ ” Bucky burst out. “Yeah, the second thing she said was 'Bucky doesn't know anything about me. The boy hasn't noticed for years I'm flirting with him and now Steve is telling me he's scared of me? That's ridiculous.' She never said anything about it again. Oh, but she's still flirting with you.” Bucky blushed hard and swallowed. It was something that hadn't really happened to him for years with his in-laws ... "Well, I'd better try to forget this." "Yes, please. Otherwise you will have to tell her I've told you. We both don't want that.”, He winked. "I'll talk to her. About Steve and the thing. I'll talk to mom. I'm getting her to be honest with me.” “When you're asking, sure thing. I'm convinced of that."

*

His mother-in-law had time for him less than two weeks later when he called her and asked to have coffee with her. However, Pepper suggested he should come in the evening and keep her company, as her husband would have a long conference call with the Far East. He gladly accepted. His mother-in-law always had excellent champagne and light, low-calorie bites with it. Pepper had no suspicions this meet-up would be any different from the other regular ones. Both Steve and Bucky kept in touch with the whole family and everyone met up for a chat every few weeks.

When Bucky was left in by Jarvis around eight ("Good evening Mr. James. I hope you are well." - "Good evening, Jarvis. I'm fine, thank you."), His mother-in-law came to him, looked at him briefly up to down and then back again: “Bucky! My dear boy, it's nice you're visiting me. And on such a boring evening, at that.” Bucky wished his father-in-law hadn't never told him his wife was flirting with him (now probably not going unnoticed), but he swallowed bravely and decided to let her have the fun. "Mom! You're looking fantastic! So are you fine?” That was true. Pepper Potts-Stark looked great. As thin as a pencil, her body was not the slightest bit limp, and her reddish-blond hair, streaked with silver, fell in flattering waves around her still fresh face - just like her husband, she only had 'nice' wrinkles, the charming ones in whom you can see lots of laughter and happiness in life. And her blue eyes shone with joy. She was a beautiful woman regardless of her 62 years.

“I'm doing very well, my dear! I had a wonderfully funny chat with Erik. We've rehearsed a song together about earthworms and coughs, but it's silly, I won't bore you with it. You're no two-year-old anymore, after all.” Bucky laughed. They went to the lounge while they were talking. “I mostly do the same thing in my free time. Singing silly songs, reciting the animal ABC, lying on my stomach pushing cars around or to group soft toys into families. By the way, Mr. Horse and Mr. Gorilla have a baby now. Little chipmunk. Everyone is fine and happy." Pepper laughed. "Oh that comes out of that? Who would have thought.” They sat down on the spacious couch and Bucky took the champagne from the cooler to pour while she offered him canapes. They both helped themselves putting together a plate each, took their glasses and leaned back comfortably.

“Tell me, Bucky. How is it going on the construction site? Is Morgan still enjoying kindergarten that much? And has Steve started preparing for the exams?” And Bucky talked. The small talk splashed pleasantly, the update on family matters, Pepper's input on Stark Industries, Peter's successes at Community College and the family in Arizona. Their conversation was fluid and stimulating as always. His mother-in-law wasn't flirting with Bucky either. Now that he knew, he would notice, wouldn't he? He wasn't sure. He didn't always interpret women's signals correctly.

"Well, Bucky", Pepper turned her glass in her hands and looked at him attentively, "You _do_ have something on your mind." Damn it, his in-laws saw through him too easily! "But don't you think I won't come to visit you without a special reason." He tried to buy time. "Of course not!", She exclaimed happily, "but I've known you for a while and today your visit has no purely informal, fun background." "What's betrayed me?" Bucky smiled curiously. She leaned forward and tucked an unruly curl behind his ear in a very maternal way. “They were totally straight before, you twisted this strand in your fingers the whole time, literally maltreated it.” “Oh God!” He exclaimed in acted panic, “my hairstyle!” “Still looking good. So what can I help you with?” She came down to business.

"It's not that easy ...", he looked briefly into his lap, where he wrung his hands a little, forced himself to relax and looked up again with a deep breath. His mother-in-law's steel blue eyes were friendly and she nodded encouragingly. “It's about Steve. Or better: About what I've done.” Her gaze had already sharpened a little with his first sentence when he had finished, she looked alarmed. "I mean," he hurried to say, "not recently, but last year and ... and all of our life actually." He let the rest of air out of his lungs. Without a word, Pepper raised her glass to her lips and emptied it. Bucky immediately got up to pour her more and because he was at it, he poured himself another glass. Why didn't she say anything? Bucky sat down again, looked at her and raised his glass: "M-mom?"

"Why are you doing this, Bucky?" She asked flatly and clearly trying very neutrally. "What?" He snapped and was shocked. Normally he wasn't that rude. “Why are you bringing up this story? Has something happened between you? And I mean recently.” Bucky shrank a little under her stern, investigative gaze, but he held up. He swallowed: “No. It's just ... it's like that ... ", he wasn't quite sure. Pepper made it a little difficult for him, he thought. Well, his father-in-law had warned him. “I got the impression the two of you are fine. That you have found each other well again and are happy. Is there any reason to doubt this, Bucky?” He shook his head. “No, of course not, there is no reason! We are happy, _very_ happy!” “But?” His mother-in-law looked at him relentlessly, a steep crease between her eyebrows. _Oh ... just like Steve's, they're so alike!_ Bucky thought. “Sometimes ... well, sometimes I feel guilty. Right out of nowhere and I can't handle the fact that ... you all ... ", he ran nervously through his hair, didn't know what to do next.

“So now you want to talk? You didn't want it once, with none of us, during those difficult times. We have invited you over and over again. Reached out for you. We offered you our hand. You haven't taken anyone's pinky finger. Why not?” “I was ashamed! Still am. I didn't want to ruin your family partys with the big question mark between Steve and me, so I turned down your invitations.” “You turned down so much more than our invitations. You practically amputated yourself from all of us. As if after 15 years as part of this family you suddenly no longer belonged to us.” “It was nothing I did because of myself. I didn't mean to be tactless." Pepper was silent for a long moment. After she looked into her lap and went on speaking softly: "Steve wasn't himself at that time. He was very controlled when he was with Morgan, played with her, took care of her and made a brave face when she asked about you. But if the little one wasn't around, he fell apart.” Her voice quavered a little and Bucky could see her eyes were wet. He swallowed and felt his own tears tingle behind his lids.

Pepper continued, “His heart, his love, his whole consciousness was with you all along. He was really worried because you were so alone. He had us and Morgan, his friends Sam and Sharon were there for him and you didn't let anyone get to you. He knew the only person close to you lived on the other side of the planet and he would call her every week and first assure her he didn't want to know _what_ you'd told her, he just wanted to know _if_ you were talking to her. But you didn't do that either. It left Steve so desperate about no one being there for you, that you didn't want to let anyone be there for you. Steve suffered a lot. All along, he has suffered from your suffering. Every second his mind was only with you. And he always said, if he would manage to win you back, we could throw a donkey party for him - he would also wear the stupid cap with its ears all day." Now the first tears ran down her cheeks and Bucky swallowed hard, his first tear rolling now too.

His mother-in-law looked up. Suffering in her noble features and also some bitterness. “He hurt you very much, but he has also atone for it. Do you really think one of us who do love him would have had the cruelty to tease him when everything we'd wanted for him had just been given back to him?” Bucky had turned pale at her words and he drove himself over the eyes with his sleeve. "I ... I am ... Mom, I had no idea!" "The hardest thing for him was his fear the story would damage you too much. He believed in the two of you, in your love! He could have had all the patience in the world. In the end you belong together, he was convinced of that! He wasn't afraid for himself. But he was scared about you. Very much all the time.” “Why didn't you say anything to me earlier?” She sighed. “Steve made me promise not to tell you anything. 'It's not about me, Mom', he said, 'it's about him! Only about him. He mustn't get my selfish weepiness in the way again. Bucky needs this distance and he mustn't torture himself any more because of me,' he kept saying. I gave in to his wish.”

Bucky put his hands over his face with shaking ahoulders. Pepper knew there was no solace for this, so she didn't offer any. After he had calmed down a bit and got a handkerchief from her, he looked bravely at his mother-in-law. This was actually exactly what he came here for. “I know I made it very difficult for Steve and I'm so sorry. I've been trying to make it up for months, but ...” He fell silent, swallowed and shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Steve is still very afraid of loss.", Pepper said. Bucky's head jerked up: "Did he say so?" "He doesn't have to tell me. I'm his _mother_ , Bucky.” “B-but ... I have those fears of loss myself!” He exclaimed passionately. Pepper, used to dramatic outbursts from the men in her life, didn't even flinch. Bucky got up, a sudden urge to move no longer kept him on the sofa. He paced up and down, wringing his hands.

“I'm no longer a child and I don't believe in the nonsense you can only fall in love once, with the one right person! Steve is a teacher. A job with a high percentage of women and he's the goddamned headmaster at 33 and looking like a goddamn hero statue with the face of a movie star! He can fall in love with a colleague again at any time, because one will always try out on him and flatter him.” “Why do you think you have nothing to oppose a woman? You and Steve are married, have got a house and a child. The other woman is always only the side affair in stories like yours, isn't she?” Bucky found that a bit cruel and looked at her hurt. “And,” she continued, unmoved, “Steve has not the slightest idea you of all people could be afraid of not being able to keep up with every person, male or female, on the entire planet, of not being able to outdo everyone.“ Bucky looked confused. "Bucky. Steve thinks you are the most beautiful and wonderful human being under the sun and can hardly believe his luck. "

"That's _ridiculous_!" Bucky shouted. “This is Steve. It's his way of thinking, feeling and loving. ", Pepper answered simply. “And he's living in constant fear, even more since your crises, in fear you will find someone who can convince you of what he himself has long known, but you cannot believe him. In the end it's always just you. There is no other ending for him. Only you. Errors and detours and one-way streets or not. You. Always just you."

Bucky was speechless for a while. "But ... but I've always been loyal to him, he on the other hand ... I don't understand." Pepper put her glass down so determined that the champagne spilled over and stood up, stood up in front of her son-in-law and crashed her fists in her hips, it was a bit scary. “But _I_ understand. Steve is just like me and I'll explain to you if you want. Explain what you find ridiculous. You, just like ... ", she broke off, looked briefly to the side, "Let's sit down again." Bucky felt her inner turmoil taking her gently by the elbow and led her back to the couch. There Pepper pulled her legs up putting her arms around them. That wasn't a pose Bucky had seen his mother-in-law in before, at least not that he remembered ... Since she was facing him, he sat across from her, mirroring her vulnerable pose. Pepper gestured to their glasses and the cooler. Bucky, who was sitting closer, fished for it, poured them and they clicked their glasses together. "Hopefully you know I didn't mean to hurt you, but I ... well, _had to_ somehow?" Bucky nodded: "I wanted you to be honest and do thank you for it." She nodded pensively. They both sipped a little of their champagne, after Pepper took a deep breath.

“I had been living in the same fear as Steve for many years. Not being good enough. Not in the same league as the man I love. Men like you and Tony ... idolized, confident, bloody flirt champions and heartthrobs in front of the Lord! I can understand Steve so well. You get downright paranoid at one point in life, and potential dangers are everywhere, you think. What to do about it becomes your mantra. _Does this incredible man want something nobody else wants?_ you ask yourself again and again. What if he realizes how common and undesirable you are next to him? It torments you and every attempt at flirtation, every interest shown to you increases your value in your eyes and in his, you think." Bucky listened almost breathlessly, not interrupting her. “Tony is a very attractive man and incredibly rich, too. Also downright ridiculously intelligent, funny and charming. I felt like Cinderella for a long time. And I was determined to stand up to anyone who treated me that way, terrified Tony would find out people are right if they think so. I know you probably find that unbelievable. But you didn't know me when I was your and Steve's age. "

"Mom, I'm surprised. I know my judgment on that is not worth much, but you have definitely always been a truly beautiful woman and intelligent and funny, those things you are too and I can only talk about the time since I've known you, but about dad _being_ devoted to you, loving you dearly and finding you _adorable_ , I noticed early on and it has never changed. And above all: You can see and tell that you know it too.” “Well, as I've said: At Steve's age, it wasn't at all like that. I wasn't whom I am today, or was 15 years ago." Bucky nodded understandingly. "Well. As far as you are concerned, plausible. But I see a significant difference to the situation with Steve and me. Steve's husband is not a billionaire and a genius. Pretty, yes. Undoubtedly, I've gotten used to leave out all modesty, one doesn't take it from me anyway," he grinned crookedly, his mother-in-law laughed: "You're a handsome devil, amen this.” “Well, yes," he rolled his eyes and his Mother-in-law pinched his chin, giggling - _okay, that_ ... he'd _noticed._

“But I am quite unimpressed by the advances people make to me. I don't understand why...” “Are you jealous?” Pepper interrupted. Bucky had to think for a little while. “I ... _can_ be jealous. But I always had the feeling I shouldn't be because of Steve's bisexuality.” “Are you jealous of other men?” “Uh…" , he made little intelligently, "well, er, to use your words, with other men I have something to oppose. Of course, I'm still jealous at times. Steve in a club is a freaking magnet!” “I guess so.” “But I don't let it show. I'm not suspicious, so why stress Steve out?” Pepper rolled her eyes. "My dear boy ... you are so ... _stupid_!" Bucky looked at her a little indignantly. “Don't you understand? When you are jealous without being suspicious, you make Steve feel valuable! Tony's always been jealous - but never suspicious. It's helped me believe in myself and my worth in his eyes over the years.” Bucky stared at his mother-in-law.

“You mean ... I could ...” “Yes!” She shouted cheerfully, “Show your husband you realize how much he is desired and how much it's annoying you.” “Huh. But there's still the thing about Steve's bisexuality. I can't expect him to suppress it all his life and what if he falls in love again?” “Bucky. Yes, Steve is bisexual. But he loves you and wants to be with you forever. He has now realized your crazy arrangement, made years ago, is not going to work with at the same time your marriage can be working. It's no different than when a straight man like Tony, who's _seen a lot of New York_ , to put it civilly, decides it's not worth it. Steve made up his mind. And you know him, know how he is. He isn't going to move a mere inch away from it, definitely not.” “But ... I can't fulfill this side of him!” “Bucky, my dear boy! Tony has always found curvy cute little things with fluffy curls to be very attractive, that's his type, so to speak. I can't offer those either. He got it right. Steve is better than that, too. He can do it if he wants to. Certainly."

Bucky nodded thoughtfully. After he looked Pepper in the face. She looked very calm and cheerful, but he had to know: "Mom, you didn't agree with me, you got mad at me and resented me. Didn't you?” Pepper took a deep breath. "Of course! Steve is my child, my oldest son. I carried him inside me, gave birth to him, and he was the first of the crazy bunch I've been holding in my arms. He could assure me a hundred times it was all his fault and you had every right in the world to feel and do what you just felt and did. He could have told me a million times. You _did_ hurt my baby.” “Yes, I did. I'm sorry and ashamed of it.” “I was angry with you, very angry. Also for the fact that after all these years we were still nothing to you but Steve's relatives.” _Ouch_

Bucky took a shaky breath. "I deserved it." "And you're looking for absolution now." Bucky stared at her in confusion, "I beg your pardon?" "Did you come to hear I've been thinking about this having come to the conclusion it was wrong to be angry with you and I have forgiven you, although of course there was no reason to be angry with you in the first place?” Bucky was glad to have enough brains to be able to unravel his thoughts about what his mother-in-law said. His eyes grew big and round, as did his mouth. Did she really think ...? "What the fu..." he bit his lip. Pepper laughed, “I've never heard you use the F-word around me. Half a premiere, so to speak. ", She got serious again: "So?"

Bucky stammered an apology and straightened up: "No ... I mean: _No!_ Not at all! I haven't come for absolution! There is no way I want you to tell me I had every right to do what I did and ... yes, of course I want you to forgive me, but of course not because there was no reason to be mad at me in the first place, but because despite everything I did to your beloved child and... all of you ... I want to know if, if at all... Can you still...?" his voice failed. Pepper's features went very soft. "I _still_ love you. Even if you did wrong and caused Steve pain. I do love you, Bucky. You belong to us." Bucky pressed trembling lips together, his eyes swimming in tears ... he sobbed: "M-mom …" And his mother-in-law gave up her defensive posture to take her son-in-law in her arms, his head to pull it to her breast, to comb through his hair comforting in a motherly and loving way. “Sssht, honey, everything is fine. We all love you. You're making Steve so happy and you are a great couple. You two and Morgan are a great family!"

Bucky wept bitterly against her breast, almost overwhelmed by loving motherliness, something he had not known for so long. When he finally only sniffed a little, he raised his head and withdrew, a little embarrassed. His mother-in-law dismissed him wordlessly and gave him some time to collect himself, holding out another handkerchief. “St-steve's more than earned me! Just the ridiculousness behind it! I'm ... I'm just ... Steve deserves it all. Everything he wishes for and if I am the lucky one who is allowed to give it to him, then ... then …" He burst out before it shook him again and he couldn't find any more words. Pepper put a hand on his forearm. "My dear boy. You deserve him and he deserves you. You have earned what you have. And what you've got now, be sure you deserve to keep it. Do this, both of you!” Bucky blinked.

"Yes ... absolutely, _please,_ yes! I _want_ to do it. We ... well, we _can_ do it. We are …" Pepper finished his sentence: "You are made for each other. Perfectly so.” Bucky smiled shyly. "Like Tony and me," she finished happily. “A gift from our chromosomes. Steve is hereditary to find the love of his life, to fight for it, and to do whatever it takes to keep it. I'm glad he found someone in you who is worth it and wants the same. Bucky, I've forgiven you, and for all the right reasons. All is well. And everything is wonderful. Just accept it." Bucky was silent for some moment, moved and very grateful. "I will. Thank you.", He said simply and his mother-in-law nodded friendly, poured some champagne and toasted: "On this an estimated eight dollars a sip. Let's move on to the fun part of the night!"

"One more thing," he stopped her, "You can tell Dad everything, he ... was a bit worried and I've already spoken to him." "Are you telling me you think I don't know you've already talked to Tony? And no, he didn't have to tell me. You always go to him first. Be glad I don't think anything about it. I've made life difficult for people who come too close to my husband before.” Bucky laughed at the ominous statement. "Guilty as charged. But the fact I always go to him first is due to our professions and common interests alone.” “I'll let that go. After all, you are surely not _scared_ of me, are you?", She winked mischievously over the rim of her champagne glass. “You Stark Seniors are darn mind readers! Cheers, Mom!” “Finally ... let's decapitate another bottle!"

They did. And poor Steve, awakened by a cryptic message in dubious spelling on his phone at half past two, had to pick up his completely destroyed husband from an Uber because he could no longer get up ...

And Bucky finally got another sticker in his next therapy session, no, even two!


	126. The one Perfect Golden Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture at the end!

**The one Perfect Golden Day**

On July 4th, 2038, Steve's 36th birthday, the whole happy family finally gathered again around Tony and Pepper Stark. The past two years had not been very eventful. Which was a rather good sign in this family ...

Steve and Bucky were happier than ever, and Morgan was looking forward to moving from pre-school to first grade at a Montessori school after the summer break. She was an intelligent child, but not the least bit intellectual. Always on the move, always full of energy and she hardly ever sat still. She liked to explore things, but always had to get in touch with things in order to be able to grasp, the educational principle of Montessori's pedagogy, 'discovering learning through interaction with the material environment' was exactly the right thing for her. She played on a mixed soccer team with enthusiasm and talent, together with Cassie Lang, who was two years her senior. The team was coached by Scott Lang and Bucky (who could be classified as equal, Bucky didn't actually still care about being better than Scott - he was happy to have found a friend in him ...). Amanda Harper had released him as having been successfully treated at the beginning of last year...

Thor and Jane raised their two rascals Erik and Fandral with love, a lot of equanimity and serenity. The boys were a wild pair and the Foster-Starks were likely to have some turbulent years ahead of them. They were expecting their third child in autumn - a girl! But they had no illusions a girl would be calm under the influence of Storm Gust Erik and Whirlwind Fandral. They now lived in a beautiful, spacious house in Tuscon and Jane worked largely from home. To Peter's great disappointment, she had not received the Nobel Prize. But what did that matter? She couldn't be happier and wouldn't want her life any different for a hundred dust-catching trophies. Thor was studying education by distance learning. The family agreed he would make an excellent kindergarten teacher. Learning was still not as easy for him as for all of his brothers, but he had a certain talent for the subject and had good results. They had traveled to New York City in their blue motor home - it wasn't too small for four for an adventurous vacation after all - and gave it to Steve for his birthday. Morgan cheered at the prospect of traveling all over the country in it!

For William Harrington, New York had become his home away from home - well, actually just another one for him: Growing up in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, in the north of England, he went to London to university and emigrated to Canada after. The long semester-free four months in summer, as well as the time over Christmas and New Year, he spent with Loki, who still came to Winnipeg for short visits throughout Will's classes times. In the summer, when Loki was not so busy, they made long trips. Loki had promised William to show him the world - and he did now: In their first summer they had visited Will's old homeland and other European countries, in this second they had traveled to the Orient for five weeks and would go to Japan for a fortnight at short of the end of the semester break. William found life with a millionaire splendid. Besides, he loved him. Innermostly so. It wasn't always _easy_ \- but it was always _lovely._ Everyone in the family and among their friends thought he was a great addition to their circle! Receiving Thor's blessing, by the way, had been very easy: All he had to do was watch Will looking at his little brother ...

Peter had arrived from Boston with MJ that morning. MJ lived on campus financed by her scholarship, Peter (who had turned down the scholarship he had been offered) had a small apartment in which she spent the weekends and many a night. However, both were extremely busy. Peter had countless laboratory hours and was also socially involved in a project where he and a group of fellow students prevented food being thrown away in supermarkets and restaurants by picking it up. From their 'booty' they put together balanced 'care packages' for needy families. MJ had practical work on the city council and was the founder and chairwoman of a student association dedicated to the participation and acceptance of minorities. It never occurred to anyone to consider her a hypocrite because of her love affair with a millionaire, when said millionaire often handed out flysheets and devoted himself to the association's website in his limited free time. They were busy like bees in early summer and almost bursting with happiness!

Natasha and Bruce had been to Europe for a few months again this year, where Bruce was giving a few lectures as a freelance professor. He had been retired for 18 months. He and Natasha, who was slowly leaving her ballet school to Pietro, otherwise spent a lot of time in Pittsburgh with their grandchildren Nikolai, eight, and Olga, five and a half. The Maximoff-Vision family was also present. Wanda has been writing for popular science magazines as a freelance journalist since Olga started kindergarten. Paul was still a lecturer and author. Pietro came to the Starks' party for the first time ever in company, which told everyone this was something serious: his girlfriend, a high-ranking officer of the NYPD, Maria Hill, was still a little shy in the face of the mass of people who already had known each other for years, but the Russian did not leave her side and he looked very much in love. The twins were about to celebrate their 40th birthday in November.

James 'Rhodey' Rhodes, who had his 70th birthday last fall had lived a contented, quiet life in the cozy house on City Island, near Stark Manor, with the man he had last married after ten years of relationship. Hogun, the son of a Japanese and an American and 50 years old, was an interpreter and was currently on a business trip in his father's homeland. Tony and Pepper spent many a fun night with them.

Thor raged with his sons and Olga in the ball pool. His niece huddled around a little indecisively. In her new dignity as a near-school child, she was no longer a baby. She was also dressed very nicely today: her dark blue patent-leather shoes were polished to a shine and she wore a sailor-style dress by Ralph Lauren over three-quarter leggings. It was her pride and joy - and it restricted her freedom of movement a little. Her dark hair, which reached well past her shoulders, was no longer as curly as it was when she was a child, and Bucky had artistically braided it, incorporating ribbons and clasps, and she thought she looked like a princess - or a sailor-warrior from anime, yes, that was much better! "Hey, crumb, don't you want to come in?" Her uncle called. “But Uncle Thor, I'm not a baby anymore.” Thor didn’t miss the girl’s wistful look and he climbed out to get down on the lawn in front of her.

"Morgan Stark, have you ever seen a baby as big as me?" The little one giggled: "You're not a baby, you're a dad! You're only here to take care of Fandral and Olga. Because they are still babies." (Olga was only half a year younger than Morgan, but the fact she only started school next year separated the two girls into schoolchild and baby, there was nothing in between in Morgan's view of the world “I tell you something, little one: Of course everyone thinks I'm just here to take care of the kids. But: It's a lot of fun! It doesn't matter how old you are or how big. A ball pool is a lot of fun and whoever says something else is a boring snore head." Morgan chuckled. "I've tried out every ball pool at every birthday party and everyone always thinks I do it because it's my job. But that's not true. I'm doing it for fun. Are you coming in now? I don't have to tell anyone if you don't like me doing so." Morgan turned back and forth a little embarrassed. "My dress may be get wrinkled.” “About this, I know what to do!" With that Thor went to the emergency backpack he always had close to him when he was out with his children and pulled a cartoon-printed T-shirt of Erik's from it. Morgan beamed and when she thought her dress and patent leather shoes were safe, she threw herself into the fun with her uncle, her cousins and Olga.

Steve, who had survived a heated discussion with his former student about economic embargoes against oil-producing nations with only small wounds, saw, a little relieved, Michelle 'MJ' Jones move on to get someone else to be shaken about their beliefs, their political views, their way of life, throwing their worldview upside down or at least reconsider it earnestly. Zounds! But that girl was a loaded gun! In her passion and determination she reminded him a bit of Bucky's LGBT protester days, but in his memory Bucky looked like a kitten ( _his kitty!_ ) against a lioness in comparison. He looked around searching. Bucky was with Will and Loki. Peter was also nearby, absorbed in his phone, and Steve just noticed he had never asked him under what circumstances he and 'the loaded gun' had become a couple. "Hey, Mini-Stark!" Peter looked up and rolled his eyes. “It's still so funny after 20 years - _not._ Where did that even come from?” Steve grinned crookedly and a little embarrassed. "Bucky called you this when he first met you, you were only a little older than ..." Peter interrupted him: "... half a year old. Yes I know. And why haven't I also known it had something to do with Bucky? It always has. You're so embarrassing!” Steve laughed.

"Speaking of embarrassing: How awkward was it actually to confess your love to your best friend after years?" Peter wrinkled his nose. "Compared to you? I haven't even known there was a competition!” “Are you telling me?” Steve asked sincerely. At that Peter went soft - quite 'uncool', so to speak. "Well, strictly speaking, you gave me some rather good lead." Steve stopped: "What, me?" "I asked Bucky. After all, he had been in love with you for so long before ... while you ... I thought of you when it came to asking for advice, but according to family legend, one morning you opened your eyes, suddenly loved Bucky and after you were - as always – going there head-first like a tornado.” Steve shook his head, laughing. “Always with those family legends. But alright, you've been in love with MJ for a long time and asked Bucky for advice.” “Yes. And he told me about your magical moment at the lake.” Steve looked a bit stressed at those words. After all, it had been the night he got his first blowjob from a man - _his_ man! - and been immersed in gay sex tips forums and gay porn for half of the night. "Told you how much?" Peter laughed: "No further than to your first kiss. Even though I was already 19 then. PG wasn't necessary!” Steve turned a little pink. "You don't have to know everything." "Says the one who is about to interrogate me."

Steve looked a bit annoyed now and Peter knew it was enough, but his oldest brother _was_ easily miffed. “Before we went to Boston, we were in New Mexico to build those accommodations. It was hard work and we agreed we deserved a little adventure. I rented a car and we drove away from camp one evening. There was this lake, it was a warm night and we went for a swim. After that we sat on the beach in the moonlight and I tried your magic spell Bucky told me about. I cleared my throat and said, 'MJ ... I can't do this.' She looked at me, smiled crookedly and replied 'I know, do I have to?'. Well, then I got a little bit of a nervous fit, stuttering around, asked stupidly whether we mean the same thing. She laughed a little and felt for my hand. When she tangled her fingers with mine, I almost died! She didn't look at me when she said, 'You _can_ do this Peter. I've known for a long time and feel the same way. ' After, we kissed. Ending here, you don't have to know everything. ", He teased his brother in his own words. Steve smiled widely and squeezed his shoulder. "Nice story. Very romantic. Tell me about Boston! "

"Hello! I'm Jane and yes, they're scary, but not for long.” Maria Hill smiled at her. Pietro was in the house for a moment. "I've been keeping a chaotic section of 20 police officers busy for five years and I feel like a schoolgirl right now." Jane laughed gesticulating at MJ. With a police-trained glance Maria inspected the young woman who, apparently, was dictating something to her boyfriend's sister. Wanda scribbled on a StarkPad with a stylus pen while the young woman spoke seriously. “That would actually be her job, but the girl is the reincarnation of Rosa Parks with the fighting spirit of a suffragette. Someone she wouldn't take on has yet to be born.” Pietro stepped up to them. "I'm not disturbing, am I?" "We've been just about to talk about you." Jane laughed. Maria grinned. He laughed at her: "This family is a bunch of washerwomen, be careful, darling." Maria laughed back. "Are you afraid someone could tell me something embarrassing about you?" "About this you have to talk to him, Bucky." Pietro pointed to the small group of Loki, Will and Bucky. Maria knew who Loki Stark was, but had to ask: "Which of the them with Loki Stark is Bucky?" "The one who is better dressed," said Pietro dryly. Jane grinned.

Bucky had not only dolled up his daughter today, but also himself. From head to toe in blue-gray, which flattered his eyes, in a light summer suit, a simple T-shirt underneath and boat shoes, he stood out from Will in terms of fashion, even to the inexperienced eye. The down-to-earth linguistic professor hadn't 'disguised' himself in a long time when they met with Starks. Loki didn't like him any worse in his 'teacher outfit' and that was in what he felt most comfortable. “And have you brought some recipe ideas from the Orient? Steve and I can come over to be cooking together again, or you can visit us. My kitchen is better equipped." Loki smiled a little mockingly. "I dare to doubt Will will find recipes in the Latin translation of the Gilgamesh Epic, which we discovered at an antique dealer in the Asian part of Istanbul, but we will let you know if he does." Bucky blinked. William shook his head reproachfully. “Don't be so mean. What he means by that: We don't want to be cooking, but we would like you to come over and take a look at pictures and souvenirs from our trip to the Orient. "

Bucky laughed half amused, half desperate. “Why don't you just tell me so, Loki? Your boyfriend is right, you _are_ malicious, after all I'm not trying to embarrass you with the secrets of the Galileo Coil.” “Have you finally got the patent?" Bucky beamed: "Yes, I have! Those were long arduous months in a war with the bureaucracy! It actually quite now occurs to me I haven't told Peter yet. Well, he'll definitely appreciate the news more.” Loki laughed at him. “I'm congratulating, this is great news.” “I'm joining in. Awesome. After all, you've been working on it for a long time. Since college, right?" Bucky raised his eyebrows: "Well, two of you are actually listening when I tell you something.” “Stop it with the pouting, Bucky, let your husband give you a sticker." Bucky looked desperately at Will. “That's enough now, I'm looking for someone who's not messing with me all the time. He really is the worst!" Will laughed: "Oh, I can't say so."

While he left, Bucky looked back at them: “I only get stickers from Steve if he is completely satisfied with my ... _work_. Unfortunately, he cannot judge what I do in my basement as well as my performance in another part of our house.” And he was gone. Loki winked cheerfully at Will: “And he says _I'm_ the worst.” “From his point of view, that's even understandable. When you spray all your unique charm on him without Steve as a buffer offering more space for your malice.” Loki laughed. "Neither of them are bad targets." "Does he really get stickers for sex?" "I wouldn't be surprised at it with them..." They went looking for the Stark-Foster boys and found them in the ball pool. Not particularly keen to take part, the couple spontaneously decided to put the whole gang of rascals to bed in the nursery at night. The spacious room had been converted into a mattress camp. Will and Loki were fantastic at reading aloud!

Pepper let Natasha tell her all about her trip to Europe. She and Tony would once again jet across the great ocean to visit Happy and May in Italy. On the occasion they would accept the invitation of the Queen of Wakanda - Shuri's father had abdicated a year ago - so Tony Stark could visit her technology laboratories.

(That big event of her enthronement had been scheduled by the royal family for school holidays in the US, so Nakia and T'Challa, who was also a teacher – and them having got a school-age child - as well as Bucky and Steve could be present. Sam and Sharon came with the twins too, and so they all went from Washington to Africa on the embassy plane. It was an experience for everyone, especially for Morgan ... It was there too, when Bucky and Steve had their her daughter left in the care of their friends for two days to be spending some timealone in a shepherd's hut, talking and finally deciding not to challenge their luck anymore and to be satisfied with their little one-child family. Bucky didn't think he could be able to love another child as much as Morgan anyway. Steve said goodbye to his wish – crying a bit, held safely and sure in Bucky's loving arms. He never would have any regrets. Their life was perfect!

Sharon and Sam, on the other hand, dreamed of a small basketball team and were already eager to get the next one on track - which was easier said than done with one-year-old twins ... but they had never shunned a challenge! By farewell, Shuri revealed to her best friend she was expecting. Bucky promised not to miss out on this. Her little girl Ayo, born in May of this year and two weeks old when he went to Wakanda for a week, awakened the same tender feelings in him as her mother always had done when he held the baby in his arms.)

"So Pietro now has a steady relationship.", Pepper smiled at the old friend. “Who would have thought we will still see that. It's about time the boy settled down, he'll be 40!” “And what is about to come with the two of them? What would you say as his mother?” “I'm seriously giving this a real chance.” “How have they met?” Natasha grinned: “Her daughter Carol is dancing in one of his classes. A cute little thing and with everything you know about Pietro, I don't have to say any more about it, do I?” Pepper laughed.

“Where is the little one today?” “With her ex-husband. Piet even introduced himself to the man so he would know who came into his daughter's life.” Her friend smiled broadly. "I subscribe to the seriously real chance you're giving this." Natasha laughed. "What are you laughing about?" Tony had come up to them. "I have a deja vu: a well-known playboy turns 180 degrees for the woman he loves." He rolled his eyes. “About a felt 100 years ago. Finally it's quite enough with them stale news. What does Pietro's girlfriend do for a living?” “She's a police officer.” “Oh oh, no more semi-legal internet deals, Miss Romanov.” “I haven't done that for a long time. With her handcuffs she can be playing around with my son.” Pepper and Tony burst out laughing. After they looked at Pietro and Maria Hill, who were talking animatedly with Bruce, Wanda and Paul. "I'm happy. Pietro was always like a nephew to me and he's a good guy behind the whole cocky facade.” Natasha smiled at the old friend nodding - emphatically. "He really is."

Thor returned to the party with the outplayed children. Steve laughed and shouted: “Well? Is that Morgan Stark? She looks like Morgan Stark but she's wearing a Batman t-shirt! Morgan Stark doesn't have any Batman shirts.” “Oh, Dad. It's one of Erik's.” “Ugh, Thor.” Morgan's artful braided hairstyle had dissolved in a messy tangle and Steve ruffled her hair. “Stop it! My hairstyle! I'm telling papa it was you!” “Missy, your hair looked like a bird's nest before, don't blame me.” Steve shook his head in amusement. Morgan was a smart gal, but he and Bucky didn't let her trick or play one of them off against the other. Bucky just came to them. "Well? Where is our I-am-a-schoolchild-and-want-a-schoolchild-hairstyle-daughter?” “Papa! Dad messed up my hair really badly!” Bucky grinned. Her heated cheeks and the fact she was barefoot and wearing a Batman shirt - he wrinkled his nose - instead of her fancy dress told him enough. “I've told you the dress is too uncomfortable. If you'd listened to me, you'd at least wear a decent T-shirt on.” “Why don't you have a backpack for emergencies like Uncle Thor?” They had to smile at the slight accusation. "Because ...", Bucky leaned down to her stating very quietly: "You only need one for babies." He winked conspiratorially at her. Morgan giggled.

Peter, who was playing tag with Nikolai, whizzed past them and Morgan rushed after him cheering. "Gotcha, Peter!" Nikolai threw himself at him with howls of joy and he wrestled a bit with both children. When he saw Morgan's shirt, he gave her a stern glance. “Morgan Buchanan Stark, I have to ask you very much. What do my angry eyes see?” “It's not mine, Uncle Thor put it on me.” Her parents looked at each other shaking their heads. Morgan always found someone to blame. Fortunately, she didn't do it when it came to something important. Bucky and Steve had been tough right from the start and had taught her early on how important it is to stand by your mistakes. Which, of course, didn't mean she wouldn't try every now and then, like all children. But she was a poor-skilled trickster and they always saw through her. “I must have one of my shirts in my old room. I guess, you, Nikolai and I could bring Robocat to the garden, what do you think?” “Oh yes!”, Morgan cheered while Nikolai looked puzzled. Robocat was a mechanical cat Peter had designed and built when he was ten, and controllable with a StarkPhone. Friday had met her maker two years ago at the proud age of 17. Peter had been very sad, but she had fallen asleep peacefully and he was glad he had not yet lived in Boston and had been able to say goodbye to her. When Peter returned with the kids in tow and Robocat, Morgan was wearing a Spider-Man shirt he'd worn when he was twelve. Bucky laughed:

"Well, now you're wearing a dress again!", He pulled one of his hair ties from his pocket to tame her loose hair in a ponytail. It was just as messy as his own, but with him the loose strands were intentional. He actually wanted to have his hair cut when he got 35, but Steve had been so appalled by the idea, so he set the plan to the day of his first gray hair. But then he wouldn't let Steve soften him, nothing was more embarrassing than a man with long graying hair - nothing looked more desperate! Something told him the day was not far away. He already had the first ones in his beard. Nor was he kidding himself: neither henna nor black tea conditioners covered gray hair. The curse of every dark-haired man his age - with them you could always see it from the first tiny strand ... Peter's voice echoed over the garden: “MJ! Come here and watch Robocat!” His girlfriend came over to them curiously and sat down on the grass with Peter and the children. “Did you build that?” “Yes, I did, when I was ten. I'm curious to see whether it still works as well as it did three years ago." MJ looked at him: "But you are scary.” “Nah," he laughed, "That was child's play!” “Your kind of child's play. When I was ten I still had trouble getting Lego kits.” “You're exaggerating.” “Yes, maybe. Let's see!” Robocat, which Peter and Morgan had last played with three years ago, still worked perfectly and was fun for all of them.

James Rhodes, who of course had been to Afghanistan and Iraq for work, talked to Loki and his boyfriend (!) about their trip. Both men were good storytellers because of their jobs. They alternated with one another as if supervised by a good dialogue director, interspersed anecdotes in the right places and were completely natural and not artificial or pretending. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes had an eye for good relationships. This was one, no doubt. His child prodigy from MIT had made it: his boys had all made good decisions and had followed the good example their parents had been setting. The percentage of LGBT people at two in four didn't surprise Jim in the least. He was convinced if everyone grew up in an environment like the Stark boys, free-spirited and unhindered in their development, the statistically recorded rate would come much closer to the unreported figure of about 40%. And he was an old man ... but what was he complaining about? He had made it, too, late, but still. And at least he had been lucky enough to be part of Tony's family. He smiled wider and listened more carefully again.

"Hey Bucky!" Someone tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around it was Pietro and his girlfriend. “He's told me if I wanted to hear an embarrassing story about him - or in general - I should contact you. Maria Hill, hello.” He took her hand. “Call me Bucky.” He gave Pietro a questioning look. “She knows about me.” “Oh,” he laughed, “What do you want me to tell you?” “Careful, Bucky, she's a police officer. Darling, when is the statute of limitations on the crime to make life difficult, not for just one person, no, for even two people?" Maria Hill chuckled: "There is nothing about that in our country's legislation." Bucky was a little lost and threw himself into small talk: “You're working for the NYPD, Maria?” “Have been for 13 years.” “In which department?” “I'm Bureau Chief in the Organized Crime Department.” “Well, I can assure you, none of the making lives difficult was organized in any way.” He smiled sweetly at Pietro. He took it lightly and laughed back. “Bucky is married to the eldest son Steve and they have a daughter, Morgan. I saw him for the first time when Steve was still dating girls."

"Bisexuality exists, you've taught me." Maria smirked. Bucky understood. He winked at her, "You know, Maria, for true love it doesn't matter in the least how it started and even less what had happened before." Pietro looked at him gratefully. "How long have you two known each other?" Maria smiled, "It'll be two years in September." "For some people that is a significantly long time, Maria." "And you and Steve?" Bucky laughed. "26 years, almost, there are still 12 days left." "Good heavens, you must have been children!" Bucky smiled thoughtfully. “We actually had been children. But you've come to me to hear an embarrassing story about Pietro. I remember one with - is that a crime? Pretense, even feint?” “I would have to know more context to be able to finally answer this question.” “Well, there was a feigned interest in an - admittedly - fabulous Gucci belt to take a look under my sweater. Pietro was _playing the field_ , but that was a long time ago." She laughed: "I bet he would say exactly the same thing about you.” “And Maximoff? Is she right?” “You, my dear, have unfortunately never _played the field_ , you always only looked like you'd do..." They laughed heartily together ...

William and Loki had separated from the group a little. Far back on the property were mature trees with a bit of a view of the bay between the mainland and Long Island. They settled down. "Every time I am overwhelmed by how you had grown up." With a gesture around the scenery, Will looked at Loki. "But you do know how extraordinarily humble that is, measured regarding the actual wealth of my family?" "This is one of those remarks typical of you, which I am lucky to always understand correctly and which unfortunately are missed by most of the other people. What a wonderful person you are. Highlighting your humble nature with bringing you to the side of 'normal' people, where a doctor has a different house than a garbage man. Of course you have a different house than my family, but it is not in the same dimension as Buckingham compared to a construction trailer.” “In addition, the doctor needs the garbage man more often than the other way around. ”

"Your parents are amazing people and they did a great job raising you." "And don't forget to be grateful to them for having had sex." Will laughed cheerfully and took Loki's hand. "I know you've always felt a stranger in the world, but not here, right?" Loki looked over the sea - or into space ... "No, not here. They have always loved and accepted me. To always support and understand me, it would probably have needed uebermenschs - or gods. And with all due respect, my father is a genius, but not a god and my mother is perfect, but not an uebermensch.” “But would you have wanted it, as much as you might have primarily needed so?” William asked quietly. Loki thought for a moment. "No. My family has faults, nowhere near as many as I have - for me it's not only faults, but _defects_ , but they are ... they are the best family you can have.” William, who knew Loki did not want or appreciate any contradiction to the sober consideration and presentation of his impairment, did not speak up when it came to what he called his _defects_. 

“I am glad you see it that way. No, even more, I'm happy about it. My family ... “, Will didn't go on. After graduating from school, he left for London with the legacy of a well-meaning great-aunt, and everyone was happy to be rid of the family's black (gay) sheep. If they knew ... He smiled to himself. “I know exactly what you're thinking. Do you want to do a _home story_ with me for Variety to send the article home, darling?" Will laughed: "It was only a matter of time for you to take out your particularly pronounced malice on me today. Poor Bucky, honestly.” “ _Poor_ Bucky is married to a millionaire and is wearing a suit today I saw in a shop window on Fifth Avenue two weeks ago. The price tag was subtle, but I've got good eyesight: $ 6,350. _Poorest_ Bucky." William laughed: "It _is_ a nice suit," "Would you like one for yourself?” “Oh no, it certainly doesn't look as good on me as it does on Bucky." Loki snorted: "Yes, I know, my _beautiful_ brother-n-law." Will grinned: "And your pretty script girl." His boyfriend clicked his tongue. "I think the caterer has finished setting up." "I'm taking your abruptness as a victory against your extremely sharp tongue today." "Whatever makes you happy."

[ _Uebermensch; philosophical term by Nietzsche; godlike human being without any flaws, having all the answers_ ]

Pietro and Maria said goodbye before the barbeque. Carol's father would take the girl home at six to be able to partake in his second wife's family barbeque. Of course Pietro could have stayed, but he didn't want to miss the pasta-and-pizza evening his girlfriend had promised the seven-year-old. At the end of the afternoon there was far less surprise at the new life the once bustling Russian was now leading than at the beginning when he had appeared in company. Everyone had been able to convince themselves he was head over heels and the woman adored him. And while they all had little opportunity to have a long chat with Maria Hill, everyone thought she seemed a great person. Smart and funny, but also interested in many things and very interesting in her own right! She would suit to the circle! Everyone wished Pietro well with it - now that he obviously wanted this so much himself ...

"Well?" He asked her on the drive, "How do you like them?" Of course, she had known his parents and Wanda and her family for some time. Wanda - she and Pietro were two years older than Maria - had become a friend to her and she was in good terms especially with his mother. She valued her husband Dr Bruce Banner, but he, gracious as he was, instilled a good deal of respect for her. You could call it professional instinct - she felt there was a violent potential of anger slumbering in him. Woe to him who dares to harm his family! “They are all nice people! I haven't been able to talk to everyone that much, I like Jane Foster very much. Mr Stark is very different from what I imagined, the family baby is a lovely young man and Colonel Rhodes is an impressive personality - he has seen a lot. "

"Yes he has. Uncle Tony was worried about him all his life as a fighter pilot." Out of the blue she asked: “Was there something between you and Bucky?" Pietro had to laugh. "What makes you think so? Bucky has been devoted to little Stevie Stark for a hundred years!” “I don't know, it's just a tiny inkling. You know I can't help but pursue those - it's my job!” “Yes, I know. Does this inkling about Bucky bother you?” “Me? Not in the least, because if it were, it clearly happened far in the past." “I _can_ assure you _if_ it were, it must be so far in the past it must have happened in a previous life of mine.” Maria laughed. “Yes, that's right. He and Steve, they've been a couple for a long time?” He thought for a moment. “I would say 20 years. Plus / Minus.” “And Steve, he's...” “Bisexual, yes, he is.” “So it works.” It was no question, it was a statement. “That, my angel, works like in any other love relationships, if both want it. I do want it. More than I've ever wanted _any_ thing." She nodded. "Yes, I know. I know that, darling. And I want it too.” He glanced over at her. Automatically she rebuked:

“Eyes on the road. You know, I'm always curious when I get to know new people. What are the people behind them, what makes them tick.” “Yes, because of your work and besides, it's your nature. Fortunately, you were so curious as to want to look behind the facade of a vain, superficial New York ballet dancer.” “You never were superficial to me. Vain, yes. No doubt. Rightly so, you are a very attractive man.” “I'm turning 40, it's hard work.” “And I'm glad you're making the effort, handsome.” She grinned mischievously. He took his hand off the steering wheel, took hers to press his lips on it. "Hands on the steering wheel.", She said sternly. "Yes, Officer." He laughed and of course obeyed. “So: Bucky?” “We didn't have anything. I fancied him, but I also stayed a bit away. When I was in my early 20ies, I swallowed boys like him in one bite for breakfast, spit them up again and devoured them all over from the start. The little one would not have survived me." Maria laughed out loud: "What a colorful language!” “And the pure truth. I think he had been in love with Steve ever since when he had been twelve or thirteen, and putting his delicate little heart in danger would have been pretty cruel. My mother would probably have torn my head off."

“A handsome man, quite attractive if you like the type, I guess. Has he always been so pretty?” Pietro laughed: "Bucky was a pretty kid: huge eyes, as if Bambi had become a person. The rest of his face were a glorious pout and cheekbones. Back then he was only half the body he's now, thin and willowy as a twig with legs like a giraffe foal.” “My goodness, can you give this description to one of my phantom artists? That has to come out interesting!” He laughed at the imagination. “I flirted with him a bit. And I'm telling you, he was about as shy as Bambi, and I mean the baby, not the deer. He was so innocent and guileless and somehow lost, too. I'm glad he had gotten his Stevie - it didn't look like it for a long time. The two are great guys and a great couple. The little one is cute and turning out well. How do you come up with the idea something between us had happened? From a distance it's not worth mentioning.” She giggled to herself. "I haven't thought of you, after all I know you." "What do you mean?" "I think you're awakening the tiny bit of Bambi in him still being there." This made her boyfriend laugh until he had to cough. "Please," he gasped: "You absolutely have to mention that next time we're around him!" "Oh no, I prefer to keep watching this unnoticed." "You are a monster." "I am _your_ monster."

Morgan was allowed to stay up to the fireworks with Nikolai, of course - she was a school child. As promised, the 'babies' were brought to bed in the nursery by Loki and Will after dinner at about eight thirty. The day in the fresh air, the excitement and the sumptuous meal had made Olga, Erik and Fandral very sleepy. Morgan hopped up and down next to her grandpa and Peter excitedly. The two were just setting up the SENF projectors. Steve sighed: " _Is_ Morgan the child with the most energy on God's earth?" Bucky snorted: "If I run into her at six-thirty in the morning, it feels like it, definitely." "Worlds collide!" Steve laughed. "You're the least energetic person on God's earth at half past six, sweetheart." Bucky leaned over to whisper in his ear. "And who's to blame for that mostly?" Steve laughed. "As if it were different when I'm on further education out of town." Bucky only looked mildly annoyed and got a kiss pressed to his (gloriously) pouting lips.

Nikolai had spontaneously followed into the house, his sister was a little shy. In the nursery, Will and Loki had supervised and supported the two boys while they were changing into pajamas, washing and brushing their teeth, and Nikolai had supported the little girl. All three children were snuggling on the mattress camp under a thin but cozy blanket and looked expectantly at the men who had gone down on the carpet next to it. Olga was a little shy of William, but she trusted Loki, whom she knew better. Besides, her big brother was there. He was close to her. "Let's take a look at the box of books Peter had left us there." Loki pulled the box between himself and William. They dove in curiously. Treasures like Julia Donaldson's 'The Gruffalo' or 'Guess how much I love You' by Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram, who both men had been read to as children, several works by Dr Seuss, Beatrix Potter and A.A. Milne were mixed up with modern children's books from Peter's childhood.

In order to guarantee a better presentation, they decided on a book they'd both known forever: 'The House at Pooh's Corner'. The children were familiar with the characters from the Hundred Acre Wood. They knew it from Erik and Fandral and Nikolai confirmed it for Olga (he kept to himself he was also happy.). As expected, Wanda's family was very well read. In distributed roles (Thor and Jane and thus Loki had copied this style from Bucky and Steve) they performed an excerpt from chapter six, ("In Which Pooh Invents a New Game and Eeyore Joins In") which introduced the game of Poohsticks. Loki did voices of Pooh, Roo, Rabbit and Tigger, Will was the narrator and also did Eeyore, Piglet and Christopher Robin. The children hung on their lips. They did it (almost) as well as Bucky and Steve, but them really had a lot of practice after all ...

("Tigger is all right really," said Piglet lazily. "Of course he is," said Christopher Robin. “Everybody is really," said Pooh. "That's what I think," said Pooh. "But I don't suppose I'm right," he said. "Of course you are," said Christopher Robin. ~ The House at Pooh's Corner; A.A. Milne)

They carefully closed the door behind them. Nikolai shot away, he didn't want to miss a second of the fireworks. Will looked sternly at Loki:

"You are right. _Everyone_ is all right.” “The opinion of a silly old bear.” “You are incorrigible. Guess how much I love you?” Loki laughed softly: “With the size of the universe, up to the moon and back is not very impressive.” William smiled fondly at him whispering without any bite: “ _Cynic_. I'm telling you: To the deepest core of my heart and not back at all. That's where you belong. Forever.” Loki pulled him wordlessly into his old room.

They didn't miss out much. Loki wasn't one of those people (like all of his brothers) having sex in their old children's rooms during - or after - family gatherings. The fireworks were only a few minutes in. Loki informed Thor, Jane and Wanda he had thought of the baby monitor, so the parents could set their phones in sync to it. All the loving couples of the Stark family and their dearest friends looked into the magnificently illuminated night sky - and weren't all of them? Loving couples? And deeply so? Of course they were. Many hands found each other, and many a silent declaration of love was exchanged through glances. Hardly anyone spoke - Morgan of course, her mouth never standing still. Nikolai was a very calm child.

4th of July 2038 was the one perfect golden day everyone - _everyone_ actually! - went to bed late at night happy and pleased and feeling fulfilled in life...


	127. Calm Before the Storm?

**Calm Before the Storm?**

(Off the coast of Jamaica)

"All of you take a note: We're on a luxurious boat.” “Have you gone among the poets, Tones?” Rhodey scoffed from his deck chair. “You're just still jealous because I'm at the wheel. But your objection was actually absurd, platypus. Just because the Air Force and the Navy are both part of the American armed forces, it doesn't mean an Air Force Colonel is automatically the captain of a ship.” “I'm the most senior officer.” “Of what? Not of me at least.” “I've only wanted to prevent your poor wife - and Hogun and me, too - from being embarrassed by you you old donkey buying a pirate hat at a tourist stall in Kingston.” “I'm in the Caribbean and the captain of a ship. I do need a hat.” Hogun, who everyone had assumed was asleep, said something in Japanese. Rhodey, who by now understood enough of the language, laughed good-naturedly. Tony, speaking Japanese, shouted "Heh!" Pepper lowered her book. "Boys ...", she rebuked, "I'm trying to read, argue more quietly or somewhere else or preferably not at all." Everyone apologized to her. She picked up the book again and hid a loving smile behind it. They were still such children!

It was May, 2039, and the befriended couples had rented a yacht for a Caribbean cruise. It was not a very showy ship, but it was comfortable, with two spacious suite cabins and a cozy officers' mess where they had their meals. The only staff there was the skipper, a boat boy and a kitchen boy. The trip was a rare luxury for the Starks, who had never lived the billionaire lifestyle, but now that Pepper had handed over the executive chair and with it all representative and administrative duties to a capable manager, after that, once in a lifetime, she was tempted to be the spoiled wife of a rich man. When she had confessed to him shortly after Christmas, Tony gave her swanky earrings the next day, about which she was at first speechless, then outraged and finally laughed with him - the punchline was good! The earrings were returned - none of her daughters-in-law cared about those things. And by the time their granddaughters were old enough, you might not wear earrings at all anymore. You never knew. Morgan might have liked them to play pirates or robbers, but no, the Starks weren't billionaires, who gave their grandchildren $ 12,000 toys.

They'd been sailing for almost ten days, docking in interesting spots, and would be leaving the Caribbean towards the end of the month to celebrate Tony's 69th birthday in New York. They did not yet know who would come - apart from the New Yorkers, of course. Rhodey teased Tony so much about wanting to kick up his heels again before the 'bad' seventy overtook him. Indeed, Tony Stark was calm about his 70th next year. It was only a number! And Jim in particular was the best example of this: he was already 71 and not a bit dottery or senile, he didn't seem like an old man in the slightest to all to them. The 20 years younger Hogun by his side definitely played his part about this. Tony – and Pepper too - didn't feel old either. Their youngest son was a college student and they often visited him and his girlfriend in Boston. The energetic couple did not tire the two of them - as one might think. On the contrary, the company of 'young cattle' was always good for them. Morgan, the eldest of the grandchildren, met with them often. A lively whirlwind, constantly chattering, constantly in motion - she didn't need a grandma to bake cookies or a grandpa to 'talk about the old days'. When you were with Morgan, action was the order of the day. That was fine with her grandparents. So they dared to do things like learn inline skating or laser tag. It was keeping them young!

(Kitt Peak National Observatory)

Jane brooded over her laptop. She had been working on the formulation of that one darn sentence for 45 minutes. She had thought the quiet and sober surroundings of her old office in the astronomical laboratories, which had been her domain for a few years, would help her concentrate better. But apparently she lacked the background noise of her turbulent home. Here she was even less efficient than at home. She sighed.

When she had had this idea a few months ago, Hela was only three weeks old, she was electrified. She and Thor had agreed that, like with Fandral, she would take three months of parental leave. She tormented herself for a few days until he told her in the face she was absent and he sensed her making up her mind about something. She had learned diligently to explain her work to mere mortals with Peter's old community college studies, and when she told Thor what a huge mistake she had found in modern exploration of the convergence of black holes in intergalactic space, he understood. At the time when everyone thought Jane was a hot candidate for the Nobel Prize, she was refuted by a research group from Europe. A few days ago she had realized this research group had failed to convert some calculations not being in the metric system. Which meant maybe she was right after all! Thor listened attentively to her, delighted with her red cheeks, shining eyes and the bright, excited voice. "Don't you understand?" "Yes, I _do!_ " He laughed. "Oh, really?" He shook his head with a click of his tongue. "Jane. Get yourself that Nobel Prize.” “But that's not my point! The point is those pompous Europeans, seven in number, defamed my work, treated me like a stupid schoolgirl and ... why are you laughing, you big, carefree ... uh, _bear?” “Bear?_ Alright. Show it to them. It took seven of them to silence a woman who was not yet 30 when she made an earth-shattering discovery. They made pathetic mistakes – mere miscalculations! - and they have to admit it now and, yes, apologize to you. I'm all in your opinion. But why don't you just take the Nobel Prize with you on the occasion? Can't do any harm. "

Jane looked at him speechless for a while. “I think _you_ are the genius!” “I am the househusband”, he laughed, “I only support my smart and important woman and I am very happy to do so.” “And you _do so_. Have done very well, for many years. What am I a lucky... Oh Thor, darling!” She threw herself into his arms. He blinked at her. “I'm the lucky guy. My beloved woman and roommate is going to be the hottest Nobel Prize winner ever.” Jane giggled, shoulders hunched. "Oh _you_..." Thor would probably make her a giggling schoolgirl until she was 80. "Get to work right away." She paused. "But ... I am ..." "Jane. It's okay. This is important and I know there are trains of thought - especially in research - that get lost if you put them off until later.” She chewed on her lower lip.

Her guilty conscience gnawed at her. Thor still had plans and dreams himself. During their parental leave together, she actually wanted to give him a lot of freedom to work on his distance learning classes in education. "No. We've discussed this and agreed. I just have to see the thought isn't slipping away from me.” Thor appreciated the fact she attached the same importance to his actually negligible career as to her own so much more important one. “Then at least write it down now. Just a couple of bullet points. At least until Hela wants to be breastfed again, okay?” Jane smiled and went off to her study.

Thor spent the next few days looking for a solution and found it in the best nanny to be found in the observatory. Mrs. Higgins, a woman in her forties, whose fosterlings attended elementary school and kindergarten. The free hours in the morning she had available were desired among Jane's colleagues. Thor won over her with naive honesty and devotion to his partner, whom he didn't want to miss a unique opportunity because of him. So it came about Mrs Higgins took care of Hela by the hour so her parents could work and study. Fandral went to the observatory's nursery school and Erik was already in elementary school. Of course, Jane wasn't mad with him for long - how could she! - and rushed to correct her shame. And Thor studied hard, he wanted to take the bachelor's exam in May.)

Months later both had come a long way. And that was the point where Jane found herself in the quiet office not able to concentrate in the silence ...

(Winnipeg)

William Harrington had supervised exams all day and in the evening he read submissions from his students. Complaints about complaints as well as begging for points and objections to grades on term papers. Why did those young people only notice at the end of the semester they had to show a number of certificates and points in order to be admitted to the next semester? So he was forced to reread countless homework that he had corrected over the semester from the points of view from which an objection had been submitted, to check and, if necessary, to correct it again. In doing so, he had to take into account the dean's instructions not to exceed the maximum acceptable percentage of failed students. Long live his integrity, morality and awe of the written word! But mostly not when reading homework. He sighed, the complaints and contradictions were mostly of the highest linguistic elegance and he often wondered why one or the other of the authors wasn't going to law school.

Whenever he took a break from the grueling work, he packed his bags for the summer months. Loki and he were planning to travel to Eastern Europe during the holidays and cross Russia with the Trans-Siberian Railway. A very romantic trip, as William found. They would have plenty of time to be reading and discuss together, while a lonely landscape will roll by the windows next to them. _Loki ..._ He sighed again. At times he was still almost unable to believe his luck. He was undoubtedly with the most fascinating man in the world and he even made him feel whoever was lucky was himself.

When he accompanied him to a prestigious event on Broadway, which was rare, dressed in an amazingly comfortable tuxedo (Loki had advised him to have one made to measure - and yes, now he understood why his boyfriend was wearing his elegant clothes the way other people did with track suits), Loki introduced him to everyone, told his influential colleagues about William's sophisticated literacy, his specialist articles and the consistently positive response from specialist circles - and his remarkable modesty.

He himself was always quite nervous before those events, but as soon as they mingled with the crowd after the first official minutes, Loki by his side, his soothing hand on his back giving him security, he felt like - it was a little embarrassing - like a _princess!_ He relaxed more from minute to minute and when _Lauf_ , smiling coolly and graciously at the crowd, tilted his head a little to whisper one of his pointed, malicious remarks from the corner of his mouth, he felt as if they were both some kind of conspirators, two of them alone against vanity, stupidity and superficiality. It was an intoxicating feeling and those rare occasions were also the ones on which William took the initiative in the night - filled with self-confidence and manliness - and conjured up all the art of seducing his love. Well, it didn't always work and Will knew sometimes _when_ it worked was because Loki - seldom filled with desire himself - allowed himself to be seduced for William's sake. The times when the fact Loki mostly only was sleeping with him because he loved him and wanted to please him sometimes had bothered William were long gone.

He had had to learn to look at his boyfriend's libido completely detached from himself and his person, and with time he got better and better at it. Of course, it helped his lover was by no means mechanical or even sober when they were together. On the contrary, having sex out of love, without pursuing one's own benefit and satisfaction, made Loki a fantastic lover. Will had never had sex that fulfilling in his life! What did it matter he sometimes had to endure a long 'dry spell'? Nothing at all, because what was between them outside of the bedroom could easily rival sex in terms of intimacy and togetherness.

Besides, Loki wasn't the least bit averse to exchanging affection. He often held his hand, placed it on his thigh while reading, in order to absently draw little circles with his fingers and when they were talking and not sitting opposite but next to each other, it was a matter of course one of them had the head on the other one's shoulder. William Harrington wasn't missing anything at all. He considered himself the greatest luckiest devil in the whole world …

(Barnes' Motor Barn)

“Ricky! Help me with this damn tire nut!” “Aaw, haven't eaten enough spinach, kid?” his co-worker joked, but of course he immediately came to help Bucky. "Screw you! Try it yourself.” Ricky shook his head. “Nah, I know how tight the beasts sometimes sit. You can hardly use the right leverage on your own. At three! One...” The nut broke away with heavy resistance after some minute and left the men breathing labored. "Damn bastards, can't someone invent anything?" “Like you for example? You have got so much time now.” Bucky shrugged. "But I'm not keen filling it out with other work, as you very well know."

Ricky Sherman knew very well. At Christmas his boss had given him an incredible gift: he had offered him a partnership at Barnes' Motor Barn! This was followed by weeks of talks, negotiations, and hard fought discussions. Ricky, who had accused Bucky of being too proud and stubborn for more than ten years, turned out to be his equal when in doubt. But in the end the younger one won by using his most powerful weapons: his amiable charm and his attachment to the fatherly friend.

He convinced Ricky, who was in his early fifties, that no matter how his second chief mechanic decided, he really wanted a partnership at Barnes' Motor Barn on an equal footing. Did Ricky want him to bring a stranger on board? Was he going to risk someone trying to screw Bucky, questioning his authority or Ricky's experience, and trying to take over the business? Well, of course he wasn't fooling Ricky, the _little shit_ , who was still an actor before the Lord.

Of course, he was not unaffected by the protective instinct Bucky-James had always aroused in him. Not without a lot of nagging, head shaking and very accurate analyzes of Bucky's manipulative - _you are a menace!_ \- character, he finally agreed. The question remained, of course, how this was to be regulated financially. The college fund for the Sherman girls was – well, for college, and therefore inviolable. The money he and Elaine were putting aside for retirement was invested steadily. Bucky joked (although not meaning it as a joke): "I don't have to pay you a salary anymore, let's take those savings as payment!" The fatal look he got for it would have made a man's blood run cold but not Bucky's, who knew Ricky so well.

“If you think you can do some fairy tale figures for me with super smart engineering math, you've got another think coming. With an arrangement like that, you’re going to be pretty bad and you know it.” Bucky laughed at him. "Super smart engineering maths? I can tell you, I wouldn't try this - I'm not exactly masterful myself at it." He got serious again and sharpened his weapons. " _Ricky ..._ " He rolled his eyes at the heartfelt look, but smiled secretly. It was actually a sweet spectacle - every time! “I have so much to catch up on, I simply need this more time off. I've worked so hard and hardly ever taken a break. I haven't seen much of the world yet. My husband is a millionaire and I'm on vacation in Vermont! I've deserved to take a deep breath and put my feet up. But Barnes' Motor Barn still means the world to me, and whom can I trust enough to share my baby with? Whom but you?”

The older one sighed unnoticed and let out a lot of air noisily. “Bucky Barnes, you've been my boss for ten years, a tough businessman who built this out of nothing. A repair shop making almost half a million sales per year. You are 38 years old and I've heard you cursing worse than a drunk harbor whore. And now I feel like I'm leaving a poor helpless boy in the lurch if I don't give him a hand. God's hopefully helping Steve, would you ever develop a sadistic streak. He'd rush into Congress for you at the number to dance can-can – in a tutu - if you're asking him.” Bucky laughed out loud. He knew he had won.

Some weeks and draft contracts and attorney and notary meetings later, Ricky was an equal partner in Barnes' Motor Barn. One day Bucky asked him casually: “Are you considering to change the name? Something with Barnes and Sherman or Sherman and Barnes?” “Are you nuts? Change the fucking best, perfect name for an auto repair shop? No way.” Bucky smiled to himself – very pleased. Yes, this had actually been a stroke of genius - and it had occurred to him when he was 15! Ricky grunted contentedly and said, “Even so, it's still outrageous you made me the one to screw you with the argument that someone could be screwing you. You've thrown a lot of money into the rush." He laughed softly and replied: "Steve and I really have got enough money. Just look at it like this: You've given me inner peace."

Ricky was emphatically _not_ looking at him. He was so proud of his (ex) boss. He'd got himself damn well on track the last few years. Nevertheless he snorted: "You and your sweet talk." "You like it." That was true. "When you're about to retire, you can hire me as managing director for your share and reward me royally if you want to calm your conscience." "You want to hang up the wrench and just do the book keeping? More likely it's going to snow in hell.” “Maybe I don't have to. Morgan might go to college in economics and bookkeeping and after she can take my stake in Barnes' Motor Barn and I'll work as a mechanic for my daughter.” They looked at each other and burst out laughing. Morgan and an accountant job - laughable!

(A relatively small house in the suburb)

The likely 'not' accountant of the future was lying face down with Steve on the carpet in the living room, drawing a route on a road map of Canada with a thick felt pen. The beastly tire nut her father and his business partner had struggled with belonged to the RV Bucky had taken out of the rental garage two days ago to bring it to Barnes' Motor Barn. During the summer holidays, they would be roaming around the Canadian wilderness with it for four long weeks. What an adventure! For this it had to be carefully maintained and new all-terrain tires with a deep profile had to be attached. They planned on exploring the seascape northwest of Ottawa. It was a bit swampy there at times. Four weeks - that was by far the longest vacation they had ever taken.

Steve was totally flabbergasted when Bucky had informed him days before Christmas last year he had decided to acquire a partnership with his workshop. To convince him it was his heartfelt desire and well-considered - it didn't take Bucky long to do this. Let's be honest: The result for Steve was tempting: Long vacations, Bucky would have a lot more time on hands for his husband and last but not least: Nothing could have convinced him his loved one had reached the point - really arrived there - where he was fully accepting to share Steve's wealth with him and not giving a damn anymore about being a 'trophy husband'! He couldn't have shown Steve more confidence and faith with anything else.

"Tell me, Morgan..." He took advantage of the action and the attention of the seven-year-old. “What kind of animals are living there by the lakes?” The teacher in him never missed an opportunity to impart knowledge. The hands-on, experiential kind Morgan liked best always gave good results. Her first school year was coming to an end, and her performance was - satisfactory. But she was enjoying school and she was happy. That was enough for her parents. "Wapitis! They are really big deer, but not as big as a moose. A moose is as big as a school bus!” Steve laughed: “What kind of lousy school bus would that be only fitting two or three children, and they even have to be quite small.” “Wh-what? But Dad, Gordon said so and he's the smartest in the class!” “And do you think Gordon is smarter than me?” “I don't know.”, was the merciless answer. “I never see you doing arithmetic or playing 'find-the-letter'. It's really hard and Gordon is great at it!” “So?” “Yes and Papa said yesterday while cooking, you can't tell a whisk from a cleaver and it's sooooo easy. Honestly, Dad." _Thank you, Bucky!_ Steve thought smiling.

"Fine. And is Gordon smarter than Papa?” “Hmm, maybe. For Columbus Day we had to find out which islands Columbus went to. I've asked him and he had to google it. Parents don't know everything!” Steve had to laugh at the accusation, but still wanted to defend his honor. “San Salvador, that's the one he baptized himself; Cuba; Hispaniola; Guadeloupe; Montserrat; Antigua..." He was interrupted: “What? _You_ know them all? If only I had asked you! Papa talked for hours about what a stupid holiday Columbus Day is and that he wasn't a big man at all, but a thief. And I so wanted to ride my bike for a bit after homework! He was talking until dinner!” The girl groaned.

Steve remembered said dinner vividly. Bucky had still been talking. Meanwhile someone was even listening: his devoted husband. The next day, the still enraged father took his daughter to school to confront Miss Mason. She quickly took the wind out of his sails by making clear she was by no means portraying Columbus Day as a holiday, but rather planned with the children to explore the countryside and inhabitants of the Caribbean islands at former times - with a focus on what their 'discovery' had done to them. Bucky left very meekly. Morgan refused talking to him all day after stating "You are sooo awkward!"

Steve was doing research with Morgan on moose and other North American deer, and she was disappointed to find that moose were actually smaller than school buses. Still, she hoped to see one on her journey. Gordon had definitely never seen one!

(Harvard, college dorm, Boston)

Peter poked his head in the door. "Hey Marge!" MJ's roommate Marjorie, a fourth semester law student, wiggled her fingers in greeting and whispered: "You'd better not speak to her, at least not if you're not in a suicidal mood." His girlfriend sat with noise protection headphones (almost 100 % soundproof - Stark Industries has your solution!) at her desk, with a mountain of open books, lots of color-coded piles of leaves and her laptop - the latter barely discernible under the - as Peter knew - well-ordered chaos, and studied with using both hands as shielding blinders placed on the face. The sight had been familiar to him for years.

"Do you have paper and pencil?" Marge gave him a pad of paper and a pen. He scribbled two words on a piece of paper, scrunched it up, and tossed it in a high arc above her head onto the desk. The paper ball landed in front of her, she didn't even flinch, it had been Marge's - and now Peter's - way of communicating with her for two weeks. If you tapped her shoulder, or if you tried to make contact with her screaming through the headphones, the latter was almost impossible - Stark technology - and the former had given Peter a bloody nose a little over two weeks ago because she was like a scalded cat jumping up and hit him with her back of the head ...

She untangled the ball of paper, recognized Peter's writing, of course, and read: "Fresh air?" She took off the headphones while slowly turning the chair around. "Peter ... I'm freaking out!" "That's why you have to get out to get some fresh air. Our brain works better with oxygen.” “Dipshit. Oxygen is in all air, even in here.” He laughed at her. “She's telling the chemist in the biochemist.” “And? Isn't she right?” He cocked his head. "The brain can absorb oxygen much better when the person to whom the brain belongs is surrounded by something green." "You've only just made that up." "She tells the biologist in the biochemist."

"Not correct. She tells the pain in the ass who's keeping her from studying. Pete! I have to study! You could fill books with everything I don't know yet!” “Come on MJ, 20 minutes, a change of scenery will do you good and you can go back to work refreshed. I'm doing this too regularly.” “A change of scenery? And what makes this scenery so special in the middle of Boston?” He smiled broadly spreading his arms (he looked very much like his father with this gesture!): “The company!” She had to laugh, looked at the clock. “15 minutes.” “30.” “You've said 20.” They were already going out. "Then you would have preferred to accept the bid, the market and the bids are subject to constant change." "You are an idiot." "I'm _your_ idiot."

They were strolling in the campus garden, Boston couldn't offer more scenery in half an hour. "How are you getting on?" "Moderately." Like Tony in his time, Peter had to realize MIT demanded a lot from you - even people like them. He learned hard, and he also had to - plus the bachelor thesis, "Changes in double-strand molecules in the various states of aggregation under electron bombardment". A very promising piece of work on the research into the chemical mixture called 'primeval soup'. Its success and Peter's bachelor's exams determined his admission to the master’s degree program.

"You can do it," she sighed heavily. “ _You_ can do it _too_! You are the smartest girl I know!” “I'm stalling with my bachelor thesis. I think I've got lost.” MJ's work was titled 'Human Responses to Diversity: Evolutionary Development or Social Product?'. Little did she know Peter was forwarding the extracts she sent him to his brother-in-law - the one with the invisible Pride flag tattoo on his forehead. Bucky loved it! He would only confess that to her when it was over, otherwise she would end up making herself even a mess moreso!

_Is it too popular science-ey when the auto mechanic likes it, whose workshop outfit costs more than half my wardrobe?_ Peter could hear her ask. It wouldn't be entirely fair, he thought. But MJ and Bucky haven't met often in life, had been exchanging maybe a dozen words. His appearance of seeming vain and superficiality just had to collide massively with her personality. Well, they'd get to know each other better. Sometime. But would they? MJ would surely want to live and work in Washington with her ambitious political plans! And Peter's future was in New York ...

A big question mark. One of the very few they never discussed. Another such was: getting married and having children. For Peter, like his oldest brother, it had always been part of his life planning. Of course he knew as a man it was definitely easier for him. But it was what it was: Nobody had yet found a way a man could take that from his partner - he would be ready for it! Of course! Then he thought of his parents. They were successful, had brilliant careers and raised four children! It had to be done!

He sighed inwardly. First do the bachelor's degree, then they would see further.

(Lyric Theater, Broadway)

Loki was currently working on the most important play in his career! The ambitious and eagerly anticipated work was due to premiere next week. He had already been working on it for more than two years: his first own adaptation of a world literature classic. He'd written the play, mentally formed the stage setting and dared to venture into realms no one had dared to enter before. As a result, there was only black or white, only big or dead, only top or flop to be expected. If he succeeded, it would be immeasurable and get him into the literary studies books. In contrast, failure would mean the end of his career. He would never have to expect more than an engagement in a provincial theater in the Midwest.

Since his youth, Loki pursued the idea of adapting one of the great novels of world literature to modern times - _and_ one everyone had ever thought it was impossible with: Dante's 'Divine Comedy'. He has always been fascinated by the verse epic, written around 1320 telling the journey of a sensitive and melancholy first-person narrator through the three realms of the world beyond; Hell, Purgatory and Paradise. With a variety of poetry, history and mythology, it offers the reader a ludicrous vortex of well thought-out symbolism and linguistic power. So exactly his thing and passion.

When he told William about it, he was on the one hand enthusiastic and thrilled: What an exciting time this would be! On the other hand, he had to admit he found the venture profoundly risky. Loki soon sent him dialogues, monologues and short clips he had composed himself with sequences from his stage simulator - which has been updated and expanded over and over again since 2016 - and Will was quickly captivated. He was particularly pleased his love asked him for linguistic assistance. Him! _Loki_ asked _him_!

Well, yes, he was of course a well-read person with a great deal of and a very sophisticated taste and sensitivity for language and a respected man in his field, but it would never have occurred to him to hold a candle to Loki in any of these - let alone outperform him . The fact Loki was convinced of this again filled him with ambition, pride and drive and made him very happy. His favorite hours when they couldn't be together were those with examining Loki's texts and sending his comments back. The insane project took shape and Will was infected. He believed in the play - and in Loki.

What also threatened his project was the fact no well-known actor - not even those who had always been happy to answer his call for years - was ready to take the risk. He couldn't even use the good old seduction - often used at before was with Will. When the latter seriously hinted at the joke Loki made about it on a short visit to Winnipeg he would understand, after all, he knew how meaningless it was, he saw Loki for the first time angry _at_ Will, even mad.

The meaning of Will's words was slowly sinking into Loki - just the idea of what his lover was suggesting was iniquitous. He was getting cold – all over freezing icy cold. And when this freezing cold penetrated him, it discharged in a nameless rage. Will didn't notice as he was washing their cups of afternoon tea with his back to him. He was shocked to the bone, not only because a teacup slipped from him and smashed on the floor, but also or precisely because he was torn around and those blazing ice-blue eyes flashed down on him.

"William Arthur Harrington, how dare you!" Using the middle name was, as William knew from stories, a popular way in the whole family to express they meant business now. "W-what ..." he stuttered. Loki reached into the front of his sweater with both hands, clenched them into relentless fists and pulled the smaller man closer. The hissing whisper was sharp like a freshly sharpened blade:

"How can you think this, after what your first husband had done to you, in what deep sorrow and suffering he had put you and I am more than aware of it. How can you think I would be able to do this to you? What do I have in myself I can't seem to make you understand you're meaning the world and more to me?” Loki shook him not-so-gently, his lips were a thin line, drawn in self-loathing, the look murderous, the body language that of a courageous, combat-ready man, his determination to win so very evident it was almost sinister. Loki Stark was _frightening_!

A small sound of fear escaped Will. Loki literally collapsed in front of his eyes when he realized what he was doing. Will maneuvered the much larger but fortunately quite lean and therefore not too heavy man onto the couch in his living room, hurried to sweep up the broken pieces in the kitchen and quickly brew a cup of strong herbal tea, which he seasoned with a little brandy.

When he got to Loki he was in a deeply desperate state. Will let him be crying, encouraged him to sip on his tea only muttering senseless words and noises every now and then to Loki's despicable self-abuse. He knew he would not be able to get through to him in this state. When the worst was over, they went to bed early (in Will's bedroom). Quietly and relatively calmly, he apologized to him again and again, relentlessly and without using his peculiarity as an excuse. William did him a favor not to fain off and accepted the apologies.

After Loki explained what had angered him about the matter that strong, what had shaken his view of world: as little he cared himself about sex, the more he was satisfied with the fact he was fulfilling his beloved man with it. That made sex - new and unprecedented - a kind of sacrilege for Loki. William had to cry a little - and even more when Loki apologized again: For not considering how this somewhat delusional view of the - for other people - most normal thing in the world had to appear:

"Never, after what I've got with you, I can ever do this again with someone who doesn't mean the same to me." Will understood and told him so. Loki looked at him unfathomably for a moment. Soon his gaze darkened - but in the exciting, sexy way, and he stared into Will's eyes - burning with heat, not cold: "I'm going to make love to you now, William Harrington, and after you will tell me - although it's not necessary because I know and feel so already - how much I'm fulfilling you.” It came out exactly as Loki had planned it to be. Moments before William drifted off in a satisfied deep slumber, he heard Loki whisper into nothingness:

“Sometimes it scares me how deeply and burning my emotions are. Glorious and heavenly when it's feelings like love and happiness - ugly and scary when it's anger or fear. What I would be ready to do ... All the things I would be ready to take on myself for those I love is scaring me.” William wanted so much to say anything about it, but he was already too much half asleep and in the blurry zone of not being awake and not yet in dreamland. In the morning he had forgotten ...What Loki was ready to take upon himself, was ready to do, fully and unscrupulously and - yes, self-destructively - to pull through to all the consequences for those he loved, the two men would experience in the future in a very painful way...

(Tuscon)

Thor's cell phone beeped, the alarm reminder for a doctor's appointment. He looked at what he had done in the past three hours and was very pleased. He had successfully revised two difficult and extensive chapters from the textbook on early childhood behavior and formed them into a key point-like text being excellent for studying for his exams. The alarm came - almost - right: the throbbing behind his forehead had become quite penetrating in the last quarter of an hour. Exercise and some fresh air would do him good. He called Jane:

"I'm leaving for the city, do you need anything?" "A new, better brain?" "Where would I get that from?" "Sometimes I have the feeling one of the meat eggs department is no worse than mine." “Oh dearest what are you talking about? Put the pen down, come home and tomorrow is another day. I am sure your perfect brain will sort it all out soon! I'll be back in an hour at the latest.” “You're right, I'm leaving too - so: ditto!” “See you then, looking forward to it!” “Me too, I love you!” “I love you too!”


	128. His Greatest Triumph or his most Suffered Defeat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture at the end.

**His Greatest Triumph or his most Suffered Defeat?**

Thor stumbled out of the doctor's office in a daze. That this was his third visit to the doctor in a short time - more than he got together in the last five years, apart from vaccination boosts - was his most closely guarded secret. The headache which was plaguing him more and more bothered him. Pain was something he couldn't handle well - due to lack of experience. He had woken up with it for a couple of weeks, but during the morning hours it kept going away as if by magic. Until they just stopped doing so. He tortured himself like that for a good two weeks until he decided to see a doctor. A long anamnesis talk and a blood sample had taken place on his first visit. He was given the task of keeping a pain diary, the doctor gave him the link to an app. On his second visit, Dr Woolfe explained his laboratory report to him and what in it had prompted him to start an imaging of his organs. Thor did not understand the excessive explanations about decimal places, limit values, increase in blablabla, and had little patience. He wanted the doctor to help him! Soon he no longer would be able to hide his bad health from Jane - and yet she had so important things on her mind!

Today's MRT report had showed a shocking result ...

He dropped onto a bench on a strip of green downtown and looked into space. For minutes he was unable to decide what to do next. He didn't have much time left: Mrs. Higgins had to be relieved in half an hour and he didn't know if Jane was home yet. _Jane ..._ "Jane ..." he whispered brokenly, his phone already in hand. But it wasn't her speed dial he tapped.

Loki frowned when he felt the vibration in his pocket. Very few people had this number and everyone knew he was working at this time. That could only mean ... He pulled out the phone. _Thor._ He was immediately very scared. Was something wrong with one of the children? "Yes?" "Loki ...", his brother sounded terrible! He clutched the phone tighter. "I ... sorry, I know you're at work. I ... _brother ._.. “, Thor sobbed! Loki went white as a sheet. "Wait a minute, brother." He held the microphone shut and shouted: "May I ask for your attention! You have to excuse me for a moment. I've got a call here not allowing any delay.” Everyone, cast and crew looked at him curiously. “Do one more run of the staging, and Carrie will direct. I'll be back as soon as possible. You are all doing a great job. I'm satisfied.” With that he hurried out of the stage hall to a cloakroom that served as his office.

Inside, he put the phone back to his ear. “Thor! I'm sorry, but I had to get out of the stage hall. What's happening? Why are you calling?” “I ... I was at the doctor's. Because of a persistent headache and he did a lot of tests ... There is a result.” Loki had gone stone cold, fear gnawing at his heart, his hands were sweating and a tremor ran through his body. Thor did not go on. "A result?" Loki asked flatly. After more excruciating moments of silence, Thor rattled down the words that had been dancing a wild polka in his head for the last quarter of an hour.

"A tumor. In my brain, malignant, little chance of a cure.” Loki swayed, had to hold on to the edge of his desk. " _God ..._ " he whispered. After he straightened his body. “I'm coming” “Loki, that's not possible! You can't leave now.” “Why not?” “This is the work of your life.” “Thor! It's just a play, _you_... I'm coming.” “Don't do it. It's not necessary. I've called because I ... I have absolutely no idea how to tell Jane..." Loki paused: "She doesn't know yet?” “I've just come from the doctor's.” “You have to tell her. She should have been the first to know, you know that, right?” “But ... I don't know how, damn it! How am I supposed to tell her this? _How?_ ” Loki sighed. "You will find..."

Loud knocking - almost hammering - from the cloakroom door interrupted him. "Mr Stark, there is a problem upstairs!", came through the door muffled. "Just a moment. I'll be right back with you.” He put down the phone, went to the door and yanked it open. Carrie, his assistant director, jumped backwards in shock. “It's incredible, Carrie, apparently grown-ups at the theater regularly take a step backwards to kindergarten age. Where is the problem? The simple task of repeating the staging can't pose an unsolvable problem to anyone!”, The facial expression of her boss was scaring her a great bit. She admired him most deeply, he was her role model, her idol! But he could scare an entire cast and crew to the bone. His sharpest weapon was his biting sarcasm. How many tears had flowed over him was one of the most talked-about Broadway legends. He was considered the youthful genius (although now in his 30s). And like all geniuses, he was said to be a certain madman.. He took a deep breath.

“Carrie. You can do just one simple thing for me now. Do you think you can? _One_ thing?” She swallowed and nodded yes. “Go up and do your job. I've got a family emergency and ...” He noticed the interested glint in her eyes. He took a step towards her, leaning over her - he _was_ tall - and glared at her coldly: "Not a word about it to anyone, you understand? If I become aware of any whispers, you will not find another job at any theater on Broadway. You've heard me. Do your job.” The young woman swallowed nervously. "Yes, Mr. Stark," she squeaked and made her get away with it.

He picked up the phone again: "Thor ... I, this is ... it's _terrible!_ I really ought to come right away.” “I'm not going to die tomorrow or next week,” joked his big brother lamely. "That's not funny in the least." "I know…", it was more of a sigh than correct words. "You have to tell Jane." "I know, but ... the kids are there and then there's still the problem I don't know how!" "Brother, there's no such thing as the right way with this, is there?" "I do not know? You're the one with the words.” “Once you've got it out, everything will work out. You have always been able to talk to each other well.” “How do I start?” “Just like you did with me earlier.”

After a small break, Thor cleared his throat: "This family is damn big." "Yes, you always have a lot of unpleasant conversations to have when something happens." “It's going to shake everyone like that. Mom and Pop and Peter!” _And me ..._ Loki thought. And yet it was a comforting thought that his brother found he could burden him with it. So he could share his burden, help him. And so he had to and would. What did it matter if he put that play (Divine Comedy - what a mockery!) to go down the drain? What else was important when ... or _if ..._

“Loki?” “I'm still here. What's next? What does your doctor say?” “I'm supposed to sort out some things, professional and family, he says. Then he will refer me to the St Mary special oncology clinic in Tuscon and a team of specialists will advise on the treatment there.” “You are being treated as an inpatient?” “Probably. The therapies in question are all very...well, aggressive and the side effects are hardly manageable in a home environment.” “I'm coming to Tuscon. You need someone for the children.” “But Loki ...” “Isn't it true? Jane cannot quit her job, not now and even if she does, shall she never be able to visit you?” Children under twelve were usually not allowed to visit cancer wards.

"We have a nanny by the hour ..." "Brother. What they need now is family, not a nanny.” “Take your time for some days and think about it again. Consult with Will! I still have a little time.” “All right. Text me how Jane is doing when you ... you know.” He heard Thor swallow. "I will."

As expected, Jane was not doing well at all. Lunch together required both of their full attention. Erik was full with stories from school, Fandral emulated him and reported eagerly from nursery school and Hela had to be fed, always keeping an eye on her grabby hands. After , Thor convinced Jane he needed some time to himself and wanted to go out some hours for cycling. That was believable mainly because it was all too true! In this way he bridged enough time and they only met again during the equally turbulent and attention-consuming task of getting three children to bed. When the house was quiet, Thor gathered up all his courage and made it simple. Short and to the point ...

She cried for hours, first alone, against his chest, then with him, tightly embraced in bed. Shortly after midnight - amazingly, all three children slept through the night - they were able to talk. Thor and Jane weren't people to be discouraged easily. They were both brave, energetic and fighters by nature. They decided to face the accursed cancer and declare it war. Thor promised her never to give up, to take all the effort, pain and agony upon himself in order to get well again and Jane promised him she would live on as best she could, continue family life for both of them - and pursue her work. Because, as he found, what use would it be to forego the Nobel Prize? If he was healed after a while, they would both be annoyed! So they got up the next morning, bent but not broken.

The same consideration Thor showed for the expected Nobel Prize for his beloved woman, he also showed the rest of the family: So he asked Jane to help him hide the bad news from the family for a week. In six days it was Loki's big premiere - perhaps the greatest triumph of his life. Peter was up to his ears in final exams for bachelor's degree and his parents were sailing happily on a yacht on their well-deserved Caribbean cruise. Why spoil everything for them if nothing would change in a week? Because, again, what point did it make when, as he confidently assumed, he would get well again? They would all get together for the premiere in New York. Except for him and Jane, of course. His father had promised he would broadcast the event live to them using a minicam.

But Loki? He got over the grueling working day in the last few legs before a premiere and left behind a lot of metaphorical shards - in the form of offended actors, a pissed off lighting technician and a director's assistant trembling with fear. And lots of tears again ... This was theater - business as usual. The building emptied quickly after work. Everyone wanted to leave the poisonous, charged atmosphere and in the end Loki was alone in a 1500-seat theater and raised his face to the sky.

“Oh, fate, you cruelest of Goddesses. What are you doing to me? Was my happiness, my bliss that a thorn in your side so you're taking from me what you think is a reasonable price? Is this a clue? A message? A warning? Do you want to do the worst to me to punish me? Punish me for being careless? Feeling all too natural - and having loved, of course? You're not granting me approval for I've lost sight of the fact you Gods are jealous? Jealous and merciless? When we love something, some _one_ more than we love you, you're punishing us - heartless, unscrupulous like the boy who's tearing the wings off the fly. I know why you Almighty Beings are jealous. Immortality is a bland gift, isn't it? Because what can have meaning when your time is unlimited? You envy us mere pitiful humans for our limited time. But why - I ask you, Goddess of fate - why are you so random in your choice of punishment? Why not just take me sound and still? Why not be clear? No. You're subtle, and maybe - just a tiny glimmer of hope - maybe I can placate you. If I'm giving up my dearest joy, my cherished happiness... Will you spare him if I give up love? I know I can't expect an answer...” It was perhaps the best monologue he had ever given - and the most painful. His heart broke in two ...

After working in the office for a long time, Loki walked home from the theater. He made a decision on the two-hour walk: the premiere in six days was the yardstick. If it was a success, the play _remained_ a success - no matter what he, the creator and director would do afterwards. If it was a disaster, well, it didn't really matter what he did at all. So he would move to Tuscon the day after the premiere. Around eleven he sent Will a message:

“ _Don't come to New York. After the premiere, I'm going to Arizona. For long. I'm so sorry. L._ "

William Harrington stared at the words. They were the most insensitive and curtest (and loveless) ones Loki'd ever given him. _What's going on? But... Like hell I'll do that! Not to come to the premiere ..._

*  
  


Loki had been working feverishly for the past week. He was the first to come in the morning and the last to go late in the evening. At each rehearsal he scribbled page after page of notes in 'The Book' - he always had a notebook for each of his plays: for comments, spontaneous ideas, changes or criticism. One or the other anecdote had been finding its way into 'The Book' every time. He worked up his notes after rehearsals until the early hours of the morning. The four hours of sleep a night had him deep in utterly dreamless blackness. He would wonder all his life how he got through this week. His concern for Thor was numbed as was his heartbreak for William.

After sleeping over Loki's cryptic message for a night, he made the decision not to rush anything. It wasn't the first time Loki acted a little - let's say overdramatic. Maybe the stress about the play ate him up more than it previously seemed. Perhaps something else was tormenting him. There was always so much going on in his brain. To develop a longing for Arizona, the beloved brother and the charming children was not an uncommon reaction in crises. His thoughtful response to the mysterious text message was:

“ _You urgently need to recharge your batteries. Arizona seems like the ideal place for that. Don't let the week lying ahead of you eat you up and take care of yourself. W._ "

Loki was reading the words over and over, trying to read out of their conciseness and sobriety what Will might think, _feel_. The fact he allowed him time for himself and distance at some times without thinking or taking offense was by no means unusual. It was utterly impossible to explain himself to him before the news of Thor's illness had been brought to the family. Which, as Thor had told him and from which he would not deviate an inch, would only happen after the premiere. So he took the message from his ... (Loki stopped in his train of thought. _His what ...?_ ). He took it and it was welcome to be able to read it comfortably in the way that worked best for him: Will sensed something was going on in him and he couldn't have him around at the moment. He had apparently arranged himself to respect his wish for his sake and stay away from the premiere and New York (and Loki).

After ... when he was in Arizona to support his brother and his family with everything that might be necessary to save Thor's life, then ... Then he would (have to) explain himself. He sighed. He knew, the way he knew Will, he would understand. He always did. But he also knew he would never be able to forgive him. It _was_ a high price …

(Premiere)

Dressed in exquisite robes and suits, all the premiere guests from the family gathered in the foyer. There was a big hello. Peter and MJ had flown in from Boston the same afternoon, had a little chat with Tony and Pepper at Stark Manor before everyone had to change, and Steve and Bucky bombarded them with questions about their exams. Peter shrugged. “It is what it is. I did my best.” “He's easy to talk ... ", MJ growled darkly, "My results will decide whether or not they will drive me away or if I can stay..." Bucky looked at her thoughtfully and made a decision:

“A lovely dress, Michelle. Beautiful. From Moschino, if I'm not mistaken?” She blinked and snorted, suppressed. “Its borrowed and way too long! Like I don't have enough worries already. If I step down the hem, I'll be doomed when the goods are returned.” “I can remedy this, we still have a little time. Will you do me the honor?” He offered her his arm. Everyone - including MJ - looked at him in amazement. He laughed at everyone: “At every theater premiere there is the so-called chaperone in the cloakroom, which is equipped for any emergency. She's sure to have some safety pins in her arsenal. We're putting the hem up a bit, then you no longer have to fear the rental lady with the sharp eyes and can enjoy the evening a little better."

MJ blinked once or twice and put her hand on his gallantly offered arm. The rest of the group looked after them, somewhat confused. Bucky and MJ had never been interacting significantly with each other. "Let's get your scary hem under control with some needles on the roll - you have to get poetic on a day like this, right?" "Uh ..." Bucky laughed to himself. “I would like to give you advice without being asked if you're allowing me. But surely you won't be so rude as to muzzle me?” MJ's eyebrows shot up. "Mr. Barnes, I really don't know ..." " _Bucky_ , please. And don't be so ungracious. I am delivering you from a hardship right now. Think of your hem.” She had to laugh.

Bucky was right, of course. There _was_ a chaperone - also known as the 'lifesaver in the dressing room at a theater premiere'. And she _had_ safety pins. While he was adjusting the hem to her height, he asked fleetingly: “What happens if your Bachelor exams don't meet expectations?” “Then I can pack my bags, go home and everything has been in vain.” “You have to give up your dreams.” She stared at him briefly. "I haven't known you..." she interrupted herself, embarrassed. “That I am informed about your dreams? Well, certainly not in detail, don't worry. But I know what you do, and I went through exactly the same at college” “Did you?” He chuckled, “That seems to surprise you.” “Well, I've thought Steve...” again she had to stop herself, not wanting to be rude.

Bucky looked at her sharply and understood. He understood now why the young woman wasn't able to show him even a little respect. He sighed. "Michelle. I haven't been able to take a penny from Steve for many years. I worked hard during college to achieve what I wished for. Steve did that too, mind you - for my sake, but that's a different story. And that's not important now. The important thing is: if for any reason you haven't passed those exams, don't give up. Accept Peter's help." She opened her mouth indignantly. "Please!", He stopped her, "let me finish." She closed her mouth again. “You've got noble goals in everything I am told about you. You mustn't give up. Do you want to abandon the people whose lives you want to make better for your pride and independence?” “I ... don't understand.” she said, still dismissive. Bucky sighed again.

“You think I'm a shallow gold digger, and at one point in my life I've finished fighting back or even letting it get to me. _But_ : You are the most important person in the life of my daughter's godfather and I would like to give you a different picture of myself." MJ protested: "I have never said anything like that about you, Mr Barnes!” “ _Bucky_. Really now, _please_. And no, of course not. But you've thought so.” She couldn't look at him. He went on: “Don't make the same mistakes like me. Pete can't help who he is and how rich he is. You sincerely love each other and everyone who knows and values you is aware that nothing about your love has to do with his money. I would have saved myself a lot of suffering had I seen this earlier. If, for whatever reason, your exams have failed, don't throw in the towel. _Go on_ \- with his help.” She gasped. A pleading look from him silenced her. "You can give so much, make up for so much, give back to society if you're not giving up." MJ thought for some moment. "I _don't_ think you're a gold digger, Mr Bar - _Bucky_." "Not anymore," he smirked. She smiled shyly at him.

“I ... maybe you are right. I've always worked hard, and I've done, so I could make a difference - something that is _good_. I'm not only doing this for myself.” He smiled nodding emphatically. "Exactly. So?” “So?” “A screwed up exam isn't the end?” She laughed a little contrived. “It's really not easy.” “No, it isn't. But you have four months to get used to the idea. Take your time. Probably your exams went perfectly, then all of this talking has been unnecessary.” “You are right. I will do that." "Back to the party?" He gallantly offered her his arm again. She laughed: “How can one refuse, everyone will stare at us! Me in this breathtaking dress with finally the correct hem length and..." He interrupted her with a laugh: "... and the desperate, completely-and-no-longer-boy in the expensive Boss suit with a woman who could be his daughter.” MJ laughed even louder. “You would have started early!” “Oh. Not my way at all. I was a late bloomer. In addition, even my first helpless excursions into the world of physical love would not have led to babies with the best will in the world ... "

Suddenly MJ blurted out: "Thank you." "What for?" "For my hem and ... just thank you." "You're welcome, Michelle." "Why do you call me that? Nobody's calling me 'Michelle'.” Bucky chuckled to himself. “Well, that's such a quirk of mine. I also like to call Steve Steven, which hardly anyone does, or Stevie, which nobody else does, but me. You don't mind me calling you 'Michelle', do you?” “But no! If you enjoy it, I'll be fine.” With that Bucky and MJ had made friends with each other. He _was_ engaging when he _wanted_ to. Very much so. Back at the group, it was time to take their seats. "Too bad William can't be here," Pepper said on their way. That was the story Loki had told them all - that Will was unable to attend. And wasn't he? Prevented, hindered by him? Tony had sent him the same live link as Thor's.

About half an hour ago Loki had received a text message:

“ _It grieves me to anger you, but I couldn't stay away. A theater lover who has an invitation to the premiere of THE stage event of the year? Come on, it IS ridiculous._ "

Loki's heart started racing when he read the message. Will was here! He had to talk to him before he met his family. Everyone would ask for an explanation. Loki couldn't let that happen! There was still a long time to go before the curtain. He took heart. " _Come to my office. Take the backstairs, down the left corridor, my name is on the door. The code for it is 8593._ " A lot has always been stolen in theaters - probably because there were so many low wages jobs in theaters - and some of the larger dressing rooms in theaters had long been fitted with code locks. Heart pounding, he waited, with his back to the door ... The low humming and the much louder click of the door lock made him wince, although he had expected it. He heard the door open, a few hesitant steps and the door shut again.

"So?" Was the short question after a suppressed throat clearing. Loki straightened his hunched shoulders, pulled himself up and slowly turned around in his chair, braced himself for the sight of the man he loved. They were less than six yards apart, but it seemed to Loki that it was six miles. They looked each other in the eye in silence. William closed his briefly, overwhelmed by compassion and pain, he swayed slightly, overcame the short distance get down in front of the man he loved. He could see it in Loki's eyes, the shadow in the steel blue depths. He hadn't seen it often - not even a handful of times. The shadow reflecting the most vulnerable part, the most tortured core, the most desperate, deepest abyss of his soul. The few times he had to see this shadow were the moments when Loki's almost always strictly controlled anger had broken out and frightened Will. Had frightened him and even more Loki himself. William raised his hands pleadingly and left them half in the air, undecided what to do with them. He looked up at him and whispered, "What's happened to you?"

“Is this the first thing you want to know from me? Not why I haven't texted anymore? Nor why I haven't wanted you to be in New York? Not what's going to happen to us?” “I... I'm looking you in the eye and there is only pain and fear and an expression of defeat - the worst one of your life. How can you believe any of the questions that might be expected are now of greater urgency for me?” Loki let out a shaky breath, still he had barely moved, he hadn't taken Will's hands and he let them sink into his lap. “Why are you doing this?” Loki whispered, barely audible, “why are you so good and kind and so friendly and goddamn perfect? It's making it so much more cruel.” “You've wanted me to come here. Well, not to New York, but here, to you. In your dressing room, your office, where you are alone and a nameless fear is eating you up. How can any person not know this: Kindness and friendliness are the only order of the day at times like that.” Loki chuckled softly sounding very sad. "Perfect. This is the cruelest thing you can do to a person.” “Well, then I have to apologize?” “It is _not_ you who is cruel and if you were ever once in life, I would be the last to be the target coming into question and this is the cruelest thing that can happen to a person.” Will got up with a little difficulty, looking down at Loki.

"Now is not the right time, don't you think so?" Part of him admitted secretly he only wanted to postpone what was clearly going on. But this special - _significant_ \- night, probably the most important in Loki's life, was not what William Harrington wanted to experience as his ... _his what?_ His _ex-lover_ a little voice in his head fooled him. A second one was added: _The miserable creature who has to suffer to have been deeply touched by Loki Stark, only to have to endure the rest of his wretched life without him._ He had to turn away. “Enjoy this night, dearest, I'll do so too. You will probably not be surprised I swapped my reserved seat among your family for a much worse place in the back. After all, I assumed I wasn't expected. I've got a hotel room and I'm leaving New York on one of the morning flights.” “You haven't planned on ...?” Loki bit his tongue and scolded himself a cruel man. How could he only start talking so rashly and cause even more pain - pain and suffering on an immeasurable level and more, only ever more pain and suffering, enduring the same thing himself and ...? William tore him from his thoughts, he was already at the door. "I was afraid to find out you changed the code," he said simply.

The fierce outcry behind him made him jump and before he could turn back he was jerked around, Loki looked into his face as fiercely as his outcry had been, but William Harrington was - this time - not scared. “I can't do it! Do you understand? I can not! It's too hard!” Tears were glittering in his eyes, his mouth twisted in despair. Will dared to put his hands on Loki's hips, light as a feather, only the whiff of a touch. The younger man's fists in the fabric of his jacket (from one of the suits he had already owned before Loki; today was not the evening for flashy attire...) trembled. He breathed weakly: “I can't.” "Then don't," William whispered simply into the tension and heat between them. “It's too hard, I can't do it, but I have to! Why don't they understand that it's too hard? WHY?” Much of the unbridled force and tension that had made his body hard and upright left him. At first his shoulders sagged, then his hands slipped limply down Will's arms, and finally his chin sank onto his chest. William pulled him close to hold him tight. He whispered into his hair, “Do what you have to do, but if it's destroying you, _don't_ do it.” “I have to. It doesn't matter if it's destroying me.”, was the soundless answer in the voice of a man who had finished with the world.

William said nothing, just kept holding him firm and secure against his smaller, but in this moment so much stronger body, combing his fingers lovingly through the unruly black curls until they were somewhat tidy again - he must have gripped them again and again, while he had been waiting for him. "It's starting soon, darling, you have to go to your director's chair and me either don't want to miss a second of it. I don't think they'll start without the director, but you can get to your chair much faster than I do at mine, at the very back of the hall.” “As you know, I have a box in this house that is not open to visitors. Do you do me the honor of following this play – _our_ play from there? Nobody will find out if we don't want them to. "

Will didn't answer right away, but asked a question being on the surface of his thoughts since he first had read the heartless text - well, there were a hundred of course, but he only dared to ask one: "When are you leaving for Arizona?" "Tomorrow." Will nodded. “I would like to use your box. How do I get there? ”, Loki explained the way to it and gave him the code - it was of course locked. "It's time," Loki said softly. Will took his hand for the last time. When Loki looked up, he met his eyes shining in a warm and very intense glow. " _Don't_ do it. I'm at the Wall Street Inn, room 027." Loki smiled a tiny bit: "A nice little and quiet hotel.” “You know me.” “Go now, we have to hurry." William agreed and left the room without one look back as if he feared Loki would be dragged into the underworlds like Orpheus' Eurydice had been...

The play was a tremendous success. The audience was raging after each act and in the end the applause and cheers and hurrahs and bravos didn't stop. The actors who were going to make their way to the A-list on Broadway after this had to complete several curtains - they loved it of course.

The last curtain was on the director. The architect who once created the building that housed The Lyric Theater had in his grave to worry about the statics, so much the crowd turned it into a madhouse. The Starks with Bucky and MJ in the front row loudly added to the deafening roar, tears streaming down his parents' faces. In the elegant suit, with an extravagant scarf draped over it, he looked like a character from a romantic Art Deco novel. But he also looked as lost and stunned standing there on stage, cheered up in a deafening noise - he reminded Pepper and Tony of the scrawny, shy, unpopular boy who had been invited on stage by Sanctuary High's new headmaster at the age of ten. Although he was well aware of his success, he seemed just as remote and light-years away in his mind as he did on that distant evening (Loki's thoughts were by no means light-years away, the distance from the edge of the stage to the private box was about 45 yards).

The noise and the nearly never-ending applause slowly subsided after half an hour and countless curtains. Loki's family made their way to the catacombs, where they knew there was a reception for guests of honor.

There was a chaotic crowd in the party room in the dressing rooms' area. The family were welcomed by a babylonian babble of voices, popping champagne corks, high-pitched laughter and more cheers, and they couldn't even get in the door, it was so full. Above the crowd, they could make out Loki in a packed crowd of admirers. His actresses and – this was a theater - a not insignificant part of his actors, were hanging on his lips, wanted to touch him, get his attention. Everyone was madly in love with him as it looked. He graciously bathed in the admiration, distributing seductive glances and breathed kisses in the air and onto hands. He asked to be lent their ears in his carrying voice. At least the Starks could _hear_ him now. Hymns of praise and all kinds of sweet treats pearled from his thin, finely cut lips. Dedicating his success to all those involved in all modesty was common practice at a premiere, nonetheless, every heart only went up in flames for him even more. Bucky snorted suppressed: " _Fuck_. I've chosen the wrong job.” Steve giggled: "A different thing from tattooed bikers, aren't they, sweetheart?" Many of the young actors - still in their sinners' costumes - were outright gorgeous!

Loki noticed them at the entrance, waved an apologetic look at them. They were all too far away to see the turmoil or pain in his eyes. Well, Thor _might_ have noticed. But he was at home with Jane at his side and tears in his eyes, following what was happening on a screen that was too small. He was so proud of his little brother! Tony cleared his throat. “Let's let him enjoy this without us. He's deserved it. Not that at the end of the day someone thinks they have to ask us if we're proud of our son - as if there was a question about, there had never been one.” Pepper sighed and agreed. "You're right. We can meet and congratulate him anytime. I'd wish Will was with him.” They all thought so and made their way home satisfied with the success of one of their own, unaware their lives were all about to be split in two ...

The premiere party went on for quite a while. Loki said goodbye at one with feigned regret. He stepped into the cool night air and had to decide where to turn now.

That night would forever be burned into his mind and heart as the one of his greatest triumph _and_ his most suffered defeat …


	129. "For me Farewell is too Final"

**"For me Farewell is too Final"**

(Wall Street Inn, Room 027)

William Harrington had turned everyone's head crossing the hotel foyer. There in that rather old-fashioned hotel you seldom saw a man his age, fallen apart and with what possibly once was a pretty glossy theater program in his hands which he was tossing and turning, he wrung his trembling hands around it maltreating the poor brochure while wiping tears from his face. Half blind he stumbled up the stairs, only able to pull the code card correctly through the slot in the room lock in several attempts. Inside, finally alone, he tore the bow tie from his neck and carelessly dropped his jacket on the floor. With a heartbreaking sigh, he fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling without seeing. The images of the grandiose premiere of a grandiose play, created by a grandiose man were whirling around in front of his inner eye as if through a kaleidoscope.

The grandiose man who maybe, maybe not, would come to ram a jagged, rusty, dripping with poison dagger into his heart. Metaphorically, of course. Trivially, he would (maybe, maybe not) leave him ... But why? WHY? Will's mind circled over and over again around the words the beloved man had used _(I can't do it! You see? I can't! It's too hard! And it's too hard, I can't do it, but I have to ! Why don't they understand it's too hard? WHY?_ ) _Oh, Loki, dearest, what's tormenting you and why don't you trust me to relieve your pain or at least bear part of it for you?_ It wasn't hard to guess what 'it' was that he couldn't do. 'It' that he _had_ to do (?). But who were 'they' who did not understand? Would he come? Explain himself to him? Did William wish he came? Or did he rather wish to stay forever in this bubble in which Loki only maybe, maybe not, would leave him? What was he supposed to do _if_ he left him? How to continue, go on with life? He couldn't. Or could he? He did not know.

In any case, what was going on in Loki, as Will had discovered, had remained hidden from his family. He had received messages from all of the Starks - and Bucky - who attended the premiere, and from Thor and Jane, of whom he knew had been watching the action. Everyone congratulated him, they knew how much he played a part in the polishing of Loki's verses.

With a pounding, hurting heart, he waited, staring into the darkness, only a little bit of light from the bathroom illuminated a small part of the room. He couldn't say which he preferred: whether Loki came or not. That Loki came and everything would vanish into thin air as a great misunderstanding, well, with all the romance characterizing William Harrington's personality, that was not the end of the evening that he thought likely. Of course, not impossible either - he _was_ incorrigible - but very unlikely.

Still, of course he hoped so, so he went to open the door, which was knocked softly at half past one in the morning. He had thought about it, if he came - maybe, maybe not - to refuse Loki entry, to withdraw from him and his decision and to close his ears so as not to have to accept the inevitable. Why? To keep that bubble out of 'Maybe', but where would it get him? Prolonged anxiety and futile hope ...

A successful premiere was something that had always put Loki into a kind of intoxication buried deep within him. Adrenaline racing through his veins, pulsing within him until his blood rushed and throbbed in his ears and all over his body. An animal lust and a deep desire took possession of him. His body, nearly never master of his mind, took over. In the years before he knew Will, a premiere night had always ended in a wild night of sex, seething with passion and ecstasy with randomly interchangeable people, filled with the same intoxication. They were one of the reasons for the persistent rumors of Loki's debauchery and viciousness. Viewed in sober daylight, he had always ticked off those nights as an inevitable discharge of aggressive potential.

A premiere night since William Harrington had entered his life had made him drunk from desire no less than before, but instead of the interchangeable faceless bodies of the years before, it was now the man he loved with every fiber of his existence with whom Loki lived out that ecstatic outbursts holding him captive until he could give it an outlet, willingly and with equal passion. Those nights - of course there weren't many, Loki only staged three or four plays a year – had left Will in a bottomless frenzy of passion and lust every time fulfilling both of them in complete satisfaction and bliss, downright in an unearthly rapture.

Even under 'everyday' circumstances, Loki was a more than skilled lover. In ecstatic intoxication, he combined his skills with boundless passion and his love for Will added to this passion the appropriate portion of tenderness and devotion as well as the irrepressible will to burn himself and the night into the memory and heart of the loved man for all eternity.

Each of those nights when Loki set the sweet-painful branding iron of his blazing desires onto William burned deeper and more enduring in his memory, consciousness and heart and when he opened the door for him noticing and _knowing_ the burning in Loki's eyes despite the poor lighting, he was lost in an instant! He only ever heard the door slam shut and when dexterous, long, slender fingers dug into his curls, bending his head back to reveal his throat to Loki's mouth, his legs gave way. He sank helplessly to the ground and his lover did the same. (...)

At dawn the two men were an indistinguishable tangle of intertwined limbs, you couldn't tell where one started or the other one ended. Their lips were swollen and bitten, delicate fair skin covered with marks that would fade during the day. Their noses touched with every movement, so close were their faces.

The look growing into Loki's eyes which slowly drowned out the postcoital bliss opened Williams' laboriously controlled floodgates. Loki pulled the silently but nevertheless bitterly crying man to his chest waiting patiently for the shaking to subside, leaving only an occasional shudder trickling through Williams boneless-like, spent body. Loki whispered: “You know what I have to do.” He perceived the faint nod in his chest with mixed feelings.

Why was Will a man who, because he understood him so well, let him rip his heart out, without resistance, without protests, without hope of being able to change his mind? He knew why: he was the only person he could love this unspeakably because he was the way he was. And William loved him immensely, too, there was no doubt about that. If this wasn't a sacrifice, enough to wrest Thor from his horrific fate, then Loki would go down in despair and madness, without a doubt ...

As he cautiously moved to withdraw from their embrace, William breathed the first word since Loki had entered his room. The passionate words of love and inarticulate sounds of ecstasy not counting in this context.

"Why ...?" The small word sounded as if it had broken out of the prison of oppression, in which Will was holding back with all his might what he actually had wanted to do: namely to scream, to hit and kick around, to hurt himself, give himself pain - physical pain - to numb that unfathomable pain in his soul for at least a second.

The breath of the tiny and yet so meaningful word echoed in Loki's ears like a clap of thunder. He gave himself a jerk and whispered insistently:

“A promise prevents me from explaining myself to you. But that doesn't mean I'll never do it. However, I fear you will not want to hear what I have to say when the full scope of events has sunken in. To be honest, it would even be the most gracious.” The little noise Will gave could not be identified as either approval or disapproval. Loki now freed himself from the weak, only half-hearted, resigned embrace of the man he loved. In the semi-darkness he gathered his clothes and dressed in silence.

Will was unable to move. He should have stuck to his wish not to let this come true, just having kept the door locked when Loki knocked on it - ages ago. When Loki put on his scarf, Will said quietly, but firmly: "I will never stop ... I will always want to hear what you have to tell me." And Loki, who knew this was the whole plain truth, felt something in him break apart even more. It was his heart, of course. In pieces before, now it was in tatters, he was sure of this. He took a deep breath.

"Farewell, William." "Goodbye, Loki, For me 'Farewell' is too final." As if chased by demons, he hurried out of the room, the hotel, onto the street, where he looked around for a taxi with an expressionless face. He collapsed in the relative safety of the car that had stopped next to him shortly afterwards. The taxi driver placed him in the care of security in the foyer of the apartment building. The security guard paid him - which he would charge Mr Stark - and discreetly and respectfully brought the broken man to his apartment on the 42nd floor.

The four hours he still had before he had to go to the airport - he had packed all over the week already - he spent in William's rooms, absorbing the essence and already fading presence of the lost lover, sealing both inside of him, his heart and soul. When the taxi that was ordered to take him to the airport sent the arrival status on his phone, he locked Williams' room and put the keys in his safe. It would never occur to William to enter the apartment alone. In the indefinite - presumably distant - future he would ask him to send him a list of the things he wanted. He had a feeling he would never receive that a list from the most unique man in the world ...

*

Two days later, William Harrington was shuffling aimlessly through his chaotic house in Winnipeg, still numb, still in some kind of bubble - unfortunately not in the 'maybe, maybe not' bubble, but in the misery of 'how am I supposed to keep going?' bubble. He felt like his life was over. And it was - somehow. Because life was not what lay ahead for him could be called. Or could it?

A gay man, soon aged 40, single - what to expect? Occasional dates with impersonal, but still briefly satisfying sex and a bitter aftertaste in the morning. What else? His work. His hobbies? Without Loki only time fillers. So exactly the life he had been leading before. When he did not yet know what a real life could be ...

Maybe he had to get himself a cat? He wasn't out of the country for months anymore now. Maybe not the worst idea at all. But not that a nasty beast like Bucky's arrogant ball of fur, the resurrected Elisabeth Báthory - also known as the Blood Countess – honestly, Steve daring to close both eyes while sleeping was brave to no end... Will smiled sadly. Loki's family had grown dear to his heart too. And everyone had welcomed him so warmly! His life was over. The doorbell went. He jumped up as if electrified and collapsed again. _No, definitely not..._

Elizabeth 'Liz' O'Mara was in front of his door, looking him up and down clicking her tongue. He asked her in. "It's almost two in the afternoon, William Harrington." "Have I ordered time announcement?" He joked, "haven't known anything about your extra income." "You're still in your pajamas." Liz was - of course – neat as a pin. "But," when he didn't answer, "why I'm coming:" With that she pulled her tablet out of her bag and opened a website. New York gossip. "What's going on with your fairy tale prince?", She held the device under his nose.

Liz had met Loki, of course, and although they had little (or nothing) in common, he had gained her hard-to-win approval. Will was so happy by his side! Like a whole new man. And because, of course, informed of the big premiere, she had been following the media for two days to find her gay best friend in it, side by side with the new Francis Ford Coppola on Broadway, she was greeted with headlines instead, giving her a high alert . 'Loki Stark makes the impossible possible!' (not so bad). 'Dante Alighieri stands up in his grave, interested!' (Not bad at all!) But also: 'Loki Stark, 33, single again?' ( _Um?_ ) And worst of all: 'Is her Loki Stark's latest sweetheart?' - paired with a photo of Loki and a pretty, very young actress in a playful feather boa and the somewhat stupid facial expression of a head over heels mooncalf at the premiere party. The star director had taken both of her hands to his lips (which he had done a good dozen times that night with several people from the ensemble).

The online article Liz had chosen to confront Will was the one showing Loki Stark leaving the Wall Street Inn at dawn. Headline: 'Secret lover? Loki Stark celebrated his greatest triumph in an intimate way!'. Will groaned. “You recommended the Wall Street Inn to me less than three months ago when I had to go to New York for training. So?” “I'm making coffee.” Liz huffed in agreement. At the kitchen table, Will pulled her tablet close to him and scanned some of the headlines. His sore heart, his battered soul could not help but be proud of Loki. He was a celebrated star, even more so than before. He sighed. "He has left me."

Liz stared at him for a while, sipping her coffee and when he didn’t go on she asked calmly: “Why?” William gave a bitter laugh, tugged at his curls he hadn’t combed for two days and looked into her face: “I do not know. He said he has to." An expression of ... skepticism and also disapproval grew on her face, she would get on very well with Queen Shuri - Elizabeth O'Mara was no joke if her gay best friend was mistreated. "That's bullshit." Was her blunt answer. " _No ..._ " Liz gave an indignant snort to silence him. “William Harrington, I can see how deeply shaken you are. I can't believe, you will defend this man, who tore your heart out of your chest putting you into the worst abysses of your too homely nest of personal love hell!” “I don't ! I'm just saying ... Heavens, Liz, _homely nest of my personal love hell_? Where do you always get something like that from?"

She didn't give an answer. “I know why you are doing this. You don't want everything you have felt and you're still feeling to become worthless and in vain.” “I am not defending anything, I would have to know what there is to be defended in the first place!” He bit his lip, he didn't have wanted to admit this that quickly. "I beg your pardon? Does that mean he didn't explain why he _had to do_ this?" Will squirmed a little uncomfortably under her gaze and finally admitted: "No, he didn't, but I do know how difficult it was for him - I've felt it, I still do so! He's in the same sorrow and misery like me! I don't understand any of this.” “Tell me everything. From the beginning."

Of course, Will left out some details - especially them of the two and a half hours of animal ecstasy of Loki Stark's what Broadway's Eyes and Ears had called - 'intimate premiere party' at the Wall Street Inn. His poetic streak throbbed indignantly when he disdainfully described this event, which was approaching rapture, with "we had some". But so far he truthfully reproduced the events from the text message a week ago up to today. It wasn't much to report. Her skeptical, suspicious look didn't go away. He leaned forward raising his hands as if pleading: “Liz! I tell you he is suffering terribly! I saw it in his eyes, I felt it in his embrace, I felt his despair and his grief and his hopelessness as if they were mine!”

Liz looked at him thoughtfully, a steep crease between her perfect eyebrows which looked as if they had been brushed by a Chinese ink pen artist. After some silence she stated with resignation: "You are worried about him." Relieved he did not have to tell her this himself, he sank against the back of the chair. “I know what you're trying to say: I must have lost my mind. But we had agreed for a long time: I would frankly admit this: Loki is ... To know someone like him the way I do and not losing your mind over him is impossible. "

Liz sighed and looked down at the table top, where she was scratching a blob of wax with a perfectly manicured fingernail. "And what are we doing now?" "What d'you mean?", Will's eyes widened and when there was creeping a determined expression into the even features of his beautiful friend, he laughed a little helplessly. "How do we get it back? You and Loki and his secret grief and your broken heart. In its entirety a more than screwed up situation.” “How aptly to the point.” “I'm not a Shakespeare, like you. And speaking of Shakespeare: Your play must be fantastic! I've devoured all of the reviews. I read this crazy book in my 20s. Incredible the two of you turned it into a play and even succeeded with it. "

"It's Loki's play and his work," Will said modestly, but his cheeks were pink with joy. “Pff, what's the best writer without his editor? A school essay writer - nothing more. And you don't know that when he got a few microphones under his nose on the premiere night, he said he couldn't have done it without you? Your name's in most of the reviews and even in a legitimate context. In the gossip you are the (ex-?) period lover who has mysteriously disappeared or - alternatively - Loki Stark's muse – gone into hiding." Will snorted: "Ever the celebrity.” “Haven't you read anything about it?” “I couldn't do it to me."

She made him promise to read at least some of the reviews later and sent him to get a shower. Mechanically she tidied up the kitchen and looked for something edible in his supplies. Oh good: He still had frozen lasagna in the freezer, which she was putting in the oven when he came back. While they were waiting for their meal, she sorted out media reports of all kinds and sent him the links to those she found reasonably harmless to his broken heart. He read what she was sending him for the full hour the lasagna took. He smiled often, wiping away tears of pride, and exuded a certain satisfaction.

Liz knew the hostility Loki Stark had to struggle with in advance of his ambitious project and noticed how satisfied Will was he had shown it to everyone - and this with his help at that! To hell with this! Were there else two people meant for each other but those two madmen who instead of a brain having got cloud-cuckoo land flooded with poetic words and picturesque images in their heads? During their meal, she would convince him he couldn't give up without a fight, just _mustn't_ give up! He owed it to the forces of fate, in which, as she knew, he believed a little... Hell and devil he had to!

*

For two days now, Pepper and Tony Stark have been reading everything about the incredible success their 'problem child' had achieved. 'The Divine Comedy' was on everyone's lips and the fact the premiere was followed by a six-week break - common practice with controversial, previously dubious Broadway productions like that, no theater could afford to offer a stage for a play without guarantee – was only fueling the theatrical world's hunger for the latest work by the 'juvenile' director genius even more. The performances scheduled after the break had been selling out in a few hours.

Loki himself has 'gone into hiding'. That wasn't unusual either. The stress and grueling work that went into a project like this had to suck the marrow out of a person's bones. Loki's parents, of course, assumed he had fled to Will in Winnipeg. The only family members who knew where Loki actually was were Jane and Thor, but there was no need for them to tell anyone - of course, they again assumed everyone knew. And - in all fairness - the two of them, heaven knows, just weren't having the nerve for family small talk.

Loki had arrived in Tuscon in the late afternoon the day after the premiere, hugging his sister-in-law long and tightly, having a very serious conversation with Thor about how to get the bad news out to his parents and the rest of the family. After that, Loki spent two pleasant hours with the carefree, cheerful and devoted affection of his nephews and niece. He sent Thor and Jane out for a walk so they could be a little to themselves. Neither of them asked because it never occurred to them Will wasn't about to be coming soon. He was unable to attend on the evening of the premiere. That must have had a valid reason. Probably the matter still kept him in Winnipeg.

Loki's deep pain and grief - both of which you could tell if you knew him as well as the Foster-Starks - could easily be traced back to his concern for Thor. And of course this contributed significantly to his state of the brave, bitterly necessary numbness which allowed him to cope with everyday life. But the pain in his broken (torn apart) heart, the dull, throbbing, never-ending pain that he went to bed with and woke up to, making him feel like failing to breathe properly all day, that pain belonged to William Harrington all alone . And it was everything he still was allowed to give to the love of his life. And he would do so, he made a vow to himself, until the end of his days he would carry this pain within himself, being everything he had left of William and everything what was still granted him to give the man he loved so deeply.

He pledged his heart to him forever (and had to laugh bitterly at what a pathetic pledge the battered, torn apart bad copy of a heart was for a man whom he had wanted to lay the whole world at his feet ...).

Thor had thought his brother's suggestion highly inappropriate to inform their parents of the shocking facts on their father's birthday of all times, but Loki convinced him it was exactly the right time, as their parents would be surrendered by almost everyone who was important to them and meant a lot to them. They would all be able to sooth and support each other. When this terrible task was finally behind Thor on the evening of May 29, 2039, when a video chat at 10.30 p.m. had shaken the life of his parents, his two previously uninformed brothers and the closest friends of the family, Jane cried herself to sleep with one of them sleeping pills, Thor waited for her to get some peace on the edge of their bed. As a mother, she was overwhelmed by the imagination of how Pepper must be feeling and she could no longer bear it, longed for the sweet numbness of sleep.

The brothers had had to watch their mother burst into desperate tears and their father, with a pale, petrified face, having to support his wife sinking against him and Peter, who had let his head fall into his hands, burying his face ... everyone else had been out of range of the camera but horrified exclamations and sounds of bewilderment could be heard. They were together in the living room with a bottle of scotch and heavy, thick-walled glasses on the table in front of them. Loki put in ice cubes and poured them a generous amount. They needed it sorely now. Halfway through their second glasses, after they had been brooding the whole time in silence, Thor looked attentively at his brother's face. Loki, trained through years of practice, locked his emotions deep inside himself and met the gaze with the seriousness owed for the occasion, but in a calm manner. Nothing of the turmoil within him surfaced.

“I have to apologize, brother. I haven't exclusively asked you about your premiere yet. Great thing by the way, congratulations. Everyone is over the moon in the Big Apple. Tell me about it.” That was actually the last thing Loki wanted to do at the moment, but Thor wanted so much to hear the story and he did him the favor. Skillfully and with all sorts of rhetorical embellishments, spiced up with anecdotes and with the help of a picture folder on his phone, he told his beloved older brother everything about the whole night - except for one detail, of course ... Thor hung on his lips, feasted proudly on his brother's success, laughed at the photo Peter had sent Loki off the red carpet - the _family baby_ in a formal suit with his pretty girlfriend in a flashy dress that looked gorgeous on her. He told him again how awesome he thought it was and that he was very proud of him.

"When's Will about to come?" Loki - he was very angry about himself and his waning vigilance – was taken by surprise and his facial features collapsed. Thor sat up straighter and his eyes narrowed. "What's going on?" Loki made an unwilling movement with his head pressing his lips together. He didn't want to tell Thor lies, but he couldn't tell him the truth either, so he went for a compromise: "We ... need a little distance. We've broken up.” Thor's eyebrows shot up. "Just for a while!" Loki hurried to add. "That is, why? What's happened?” _Happened?_ Loki wondered ... _nothing else has happened but me not willing to lose you ..._

Aloud he said, “The play's burned us out. The grueling work, the stress, all the arguments. I've never told anyone anything, I know. You know how I am.” Thor looked at him doubtfully. "I haven't noticed a tiny bit...", he wondered thoughtfully. _As well, beloved brother, until a week ago there wasn't the slightest tiny bit of trace of it to be noticed ..._ "How are you doing with that?" "We haven't made it easy for ourselves, but think it's best before ... “, He swallowed, taking his glass. His lies got stuck in his throat. "Not good at all," he said brokenly. Thor nodded and gave Loki's knee a sympathetic squeeze. "I'm there for you if you want to talk." "I know ..." Loki said flatly and downed the rest of the scotch in one gulp.

He got up. “It's been a busy day and it's getting late and the kids are always up early. Let's go to sleep.” Thor still looked pretty doubtful and thoughtfully he looked up at him. "What are you hiding from me, Loki?" He smiled sadly. "Nothing. If I seem like someone who is lovesick, rest assured, it is because I am not hiding anything from you. After all, it is not customary for me to allow feelings like that to show.” “How is Will?” _I've torn his heart out of his chest, how's he supposed to be?_ Loki could only guess, of course, but he was convinced he was right if he assumed Will was at the bottom, on the ground or probably even lower ... "He needs a little rest. After all, he had to do not only with the play, but also with the exams. He ... takes certain things very hard and, well, he is doing accordingly.” “Will you be able to fix it again?” He made a vague gesture. "I wish it very much. We shall see what fate has in store for us.” _And if you, dreadful fate, are holding ready for me to have to lose my brother after all I've done to avert it, then the world will experience a mortal challenging a goddess ..._

They went to bed.

*

The next morning William found a warm, very friendly message from Thor, in which he assured him he was very sorry for everything and that he was always welcome in his home. " _A friendship doesn't break at anything._ " He let his head sink into his hands. _But I'm breaking ... I'm breaking at my loss_. He wrote back: “ _Thank you for your kindness and also for your friendship. You will understand, however, that I now need the necessary distance. I would be happy to be invited back to your home when everything, well, is no longer the same as it is at the moment. Lots of love, William_ “ Thor was reasonably pleased with the answer. It read as if this break-up was only a period break in Will's eyes and Thor firmly believed they would find each other again. They were made for one another!

Elizabeth O'Mara also got a message:

“ _Dearest friend,_

_We don't need to make our minds up any more. Loki has informed his family of our break-up. With everything I know and have learned about this family, it underscores the finality of his decision. Thank you for everything, dear friend, you have one more thing left: sweep up the pieces of your best friend's life and see that you somehow put them back together. Some parts are missing - like joy of life, enterprising spirit, and the belief there is true love and beauty - but you might be able to get something similar to what I used to be._

_With love_

_William_ "


	130. Loki's web of Lies

**Loki's web of Lies**

It was one of the really bad days. They had to give Thor a sedative because his strong body reared like that of a wild horse under the attacks of the explosive drug mix. The restriction belts, which were supposed to keep him from harming himself, chafed his wrists and ankles, the standard models weren't made for a man like Thor Stark. His brother had been by his side all morning, holding the bowl when he had to throw up, putting ice cubes on his tongue when he was feeling sick or when he was afraid Thor would bite his tongue he pushed a bite guard between his teeth. The care which had to be given to him during the chemotherapy phases was a stressful affair. Of course Thor was in a single room, his first class health insurance took care of everything. His loved ones wouldn't have to lift a finger with the myriad needs of a cancer-fighting person, but Loki insisted on doing a number of tasks himself.

Exhausted, he leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the picture window. A really nice room to be dying in, he thought. And bit his tongue hard. 'Dying' - that was a word that was not allowed in his presence and now he had thought it himself ... Loki had been in Tuscon, Arizona for four weeks now. His grandiose play - his greatest triumph! - was about to start again in two weeks. Weeks with sold out performances were coming up. It no longer meant anything to him. Nothing mattered now, that ... he forced himself not to think through the thought. He took some deep soothing breaths for a little while. Thor's breathing wasn't laboured for the first time in hours and Loki had only washed the sweat from his face a quarter of an hour ago. There was nothing for him to do right now.

He let his mind wander. And when he did, it always went to ... _Will._ To explain himself to him, to explain what had moved him to do what he had to do, he still hadn't been able to do so. He couldn't leave Tuscon, and he found it difficult to ask William to cross the entire North American continent to hear what Will was probably imagining up as bland excuses. Loki understood. As always. The web of lies he had spun around his family made him more lonely than ever and he was utterly lost ...

The daily routine in which Loki and Jane shared the place at Thor's side - she worked on her thesis by the hour, more badly than well, but she had promised her beloved man to try hard - was grueling. The therapy mix of chemo cocktails and radiation therapy would kill a weaker body than his big brother's faster than cancer could have done and dragged Thor Stark into an endless spiral of pain, agony and - caused by radiation therapy - dizziness and cruel nightmares . The prospect of success was faint and most of the doctors on the team had advised him to surrender to his fate and enjoy the last months of his life. The headaches could have been got under control if one hadn't taken the damage to the liver and kidneys into consideration.

Thor consulted with Jane for a long time. Then he spoke to Loki. Both told him they wanted nothing more than him getting well again and live, but that he would have their full support at the same time if he opted for the short and easier route. The latter would regret his senseless sacrifice until the end of his days - _without_ the beloved brother ... But Thor _wanted_ to get well again, he _didn't_ want to die and so he consented to a therapy which would demand everything from him and from which he would emerge as different person. Weakened and emaciated, a shadow of himself. But alive, healed and with the support of those who loved him, surely able to become his same old self again over the years ...

Tony and Pepper Stark as well as Steve and Bucky had come to Tuscon in the week following the fateful video chat. They acted brave and composed in Thor's presence, nobody wanted to make it harder for him. Loki and Jane had many conversations with their parents, including how the whole family could be supporting them. Loki assured his parents his appreciation, but at the same time was convinced he could master whatever it took. His parents were skeptical. Their 'boy', 33 years old and a celebrated Broadway director, both were reminded in more than one moment of their serious conversation of the delicate and sensitive little boy he had been many years ago: their 'problem child'.

When he told them the same story he'd done to his brother about why William was not here and asked them all to respect his wish for distance, they both thought they knew what Loki had shaken him to the core, so the strange, almost 'alien' child he used to be was to be seen in the depths of his sad eyes. His father believed he was hiding something from all of them and it scared him: it must be something very dark and very personal which tormented his son that much. Of course the concern for Thor - too - but: Loki approached this matter with so much energy and resolutely so the hopelessness and discouragement he was radiating could not be explained. What reminded his father most of the boy from his child and teen days was the reticence he had not been feeling in his son for years. William Harrington was gone from all of their lives, having taken a part of Loki with him, it seemed.

Pepper - like Pepper was - was convinced Loki was deeply hurt by Will - regardless of the distance he needed - not being at his side right now. When their 'babies' suffered from grief, no one had anything to laugh about - Will came in on the 'sons-in-law who'd better remember what is right and important' list. She may be forgiven. She was in great distress, with another of her 'babies' within reach of the cold, merciless fingers of death, accustomed to indifference to a mother's feelings ... The Starks senior promised to come back as soon as they had some business fixed in New York.

In the end, it was Peter, Bachelor of Engineering with Summa Cum Laude, 22 years old, and with four months of semester break ahead of him, who convinced Loki he could be spending some days in New York looking after his acclaimed play and his successor as director. He had only been able to break free at MIT weeks after the night of the bad news. After his bachelor's thesis had been accepted without complaint or review. He was in Thor's hospital room with both of his brothers when Loki briefly went to the corridor to take a call from Jane. She informed him she was about to pick up Fandral from nursery school, Erik would soon be home on the school bus. Hela was in the care of Mrs. Higgins, who would also let in the oldest Foster-Stark boy, and she herself wanted to come to the clinic in about two hours after a bit of quality time with the children.

When he came back into the room, he could hardly believe his eyes: his little brother, who was comparatively delicately built, was lifting - what it looked like - effortlessly the much larger and heavier body of Thor back on the bed. He had apparently threatened to fall out of it when he had been leaning over to the nightstand. Thor often struggled with dizziness - radiating fever. Peter's cheerful joke about Thor weighing as much as a tank that had eaten too many brave men pulled out his first true laugh that day. It went on in this tone for a while, up to when Loki had to say goodbye to take over the children. Jane also noticed Thor was having a good day today and she took the part the sunny youngest brother apparently had in it as an opportunity to send Loki to New York with vehement words. Peter would take his place until he got his business settled.

Two years ago, the boy had worked for four weeks in a palliative care unit at a New York clinic on one of his numerous charitable and philanthropic projects. He was familiar with the demands and strains on life and limb of a seriously ill person. He had been a very valued volunteer, his specialty being bringing some light, laughter, and serenity into the patient's gloomy everyday life. The fact he was able to physically handle his 65 pounds heavier brother was due to his years of gymnastics training. His body was slender and flexible, but firm and muscular, and a gymnast was able to focus all of his physical strength where it was needed most better than any other athlete.

Their parents had arrived in Tuscon at noon; they had first spoken to Thor's doctors for a long time. They came to their room in the late afternoon and there they were received by lively chatting and laughter. Tony was very proud of his spiderling. Given the circumstances, the grandchildren they wanted to see the next morning were doing well. As often as Thor's condition allowed and he wouldn't give a frightening picture, he chatted with them via video. Daddy being very sick was obviously scaring, especially for Erik, who was old enough to understand a very serious matter was going on. But he had the same brave big heart and the same unshakable optimism as his father and was determined to help his mother and uncle Loki as well as he could and was an exemplary big brother, always friendly and courteous and eager to serve his little siblings to replace their funny dad with great games and all kinds of action. His parents were so proud of him.

*

Steve and Bucky had been persuaded by the whole family emphatically and explicitly not to cancel their first vacation worthy of this name in their shared life and so they set off for Canada in the marvelous blue motorhome at the beginning of the summer holidays. Morgan, who was of course sad and very sorry her uncle Thor was so ill, had the time of her life though. Her parents hadn't had the heart to tell her the funny uncle might die ... Before they'd left, she drew him a nice and funny 'get well soon' - card sending it to him along with a large package of gummy bears and chocolate. Thor was happy and touched, of course.

But Bucky and Steve were very well aware of the dire tragedy the family might face and they spent many a desperate hour by the campfire late a night, when Morgan was slumbering safe and sound, exhausted from her daily adventures. Steve was shedding bitter tears and his conscience gnawed at him like a dogged terrier on a bone. Hadn't he been a terrible brother when they were children? Hadn't he often been embarrassed of the younger brother, whom he even had denied now and then, claiming they were not related at all! How condescendingly he had always treated him and how little he had cared about his life while they all had been studying in New York!

Bucky almost despaired of his husband's grief. There was nothing he could comfort him with. Again and again he reassured him Thor would certainly not hold against him knowing his brother loved him; without success. Steve was trapped in a rare fit of guilty conscience and a shameful guilt. During the day he stayed upright, they had a good time with their daughter. But he regularly collapsed at night. Bucky unceremoniously enrolled Morgan in a soccer camp for the time they would return to New York. He himself would take over Barnes' Motor Barn full-time for four weeks so Ricky could take his well-deserved vacation. He insisted on Steve to go to Arizona then for them to be able to talk things out properly.

It took a couple of days for Steve to sink in he wouldn't feel so guilty afterwards and so their vacation was still reasonably nice. Bucky himself of course also suffered from the threatening situation in which the brother-in-law and the young family found themselves, but that was a phase in their life where he had to - and wanted to - be strong for Steve. Lily Sherman, who was the cat and house sitter, skyped with him every few days. In Bucky there was still enough of this side, the delicate, sensitive boy (the _Bambi_ , as Pietro and his - meanwhile - wife Maria secretly called it). He only admitted once - and only to Steve in a tender moment - he was actually skyping with his cat, he missed Alpine terribly ...

*

Peter was well acquainted with Loki's tasks when the latter set out to go to New York so as not to torpedo the glamorous high of his career. It was Thor's wish. Just like Jane, he mustn't destroy his life's work, so Loki set about with zeal, determination and the necessary seriousness to entrust his assistant director to represent him and to equip her with the competence throughout the eight days he spent at home. He was told the rare but regular rehearsals the ensemble had completed under her direction in his absence had all gone well.

When asked by his directing and production team whether he could imagine Mr. Harrington possibly being ready to act as artistic adviser in his absence, he answered with the same lie of a separation in mutual consent he had already told his family. He was just glad he would leave New York for good again - his attraction to the cast and crew had meanwhile increased immeasurably and the numerous advances which were to be expected would not be easy to cope with. But one thing was certain: Nothing stood in the way of a successful season for 'The Divine Comedy'.

The press hadn't the faintest idea where Loki Stark had gone after the bombshell premiere, but he held a small, intimate press conference two days before his play returned to the stage. The statement he made, namely that he was forced not to take care of the play's season himself due to a serious illness of his brother and the reliance of his family on his support, hit again like a bomb and increased the myth around him not inconsiderable. Loki Stark rose to become Everybody's Darling, romantic and a philanthropist, a family man and loving brother and uncle! - the public had never seen him like this before! And Elizabeth O'Mara took one of the enthusiastic, exuberant, praising Loki Stark in the highest tones articles, along with an exclusive take-away from an expensive Japanese restaurant for dinner at Will's.

*

William Harrinton had spent the past weeks in a trance. The painful emptiness threatening to devour him was constantly present in him and the most trivial everyday tasks, such as taking a shower, regular meals or leaving the house for a short walk, were difficult for him, he was hardly able to manage. But aided by a loving, not-too-demanding urge on the part of his best friend to take more care of himself, to look after himself, gradually brought him back to life. He didn't have to work, but he slowly developed a routine where he got up at the same time every morning - and even got dressed and after a balanced breakfast, he went for a long walk, sometimes even a proper hike. His 'little stick collection', as Liz liked to call it ( _you're like a four year old, William Harrington!_ ), was again growing considerably. In the afternoons he did some housework and the evenings he spent as he had spent the years before Loki (and _with_ Loki, to be honest), immersed in the fascinating world of literature.

He stayed away from the Internet. He knew how weak he was: it would end up in googling Loki Stark for hours, if only to go back to the time when he had already _known_ him, but not yet _had_ him - it was a good time . To put himself mentally in the time when he had _had_ him and _not yet lost_ , he dared least of all. And only in the strange moments when he went from wakefulness to sleep and his vigilance towards himself waned, then his brain went on this journey and so he fell asleep almost every night with a tearful face but a smile on his lips ...

Liz went, as was her way, like a bull at a gate - literally, because already at the door she held her tablet under his nose with the ominous words: “Don't you tell me, you've known _this_ and _didn't_ tell me.“ A garish headline sparkled at him, above a picture of Loki, in which he was looking melancholy into the distance. Will secretly sighed. Of course, he hadn't forgotten how beautiful the beloved man was in his dramatic and somewhat enraptured way, but getting it under your nose out of the blue was another matter entirely! He turned regretfully to the headline as Liz walked past him into the house to go keep the food warm in the oven - she would eat her hat if this didn't lead to a long conversation. Will followed her. Deep in her tablet, he blindly and carefully felt his way to the table and looked up.

“I have to go to New York immediately.” Liz nodded pragmatically: “Yes, that's what I've thought. Can we have dinner beforehand?” Will laughed cheerfully. She gave him a strange look. She had last heard that an honest laugh from him when - let's say, he had still led 'the other life', as she secretly called it to herself. She hoped it wasn’t any sign of madness. So she raised her eyebrows and rebuked: "I know you are crooked and weird and there is not a single right angle in your strange humor, but what, in the name of God, is funny about this news?" She immediately regretted it when his smile collapsed and shame, guilt, and pain and grief were dancing a wild polka in his face. She could kick her own ass! “Nothing of course!” He shouted, “it's terrible! A tragedy, the poor family!” He thought of his last cool and impersonal mail to Thor Stark and had to sit down. He hid his face in his hands to cry a little.

Liz swallowed and took heart: "William, I'm really sorry for saying this, it was extremely stupid and insensitive of me." He lifted his head and smiled sadly: "You are a good friend, Liz.” “Of course you haven't known.", She went on to the urgent topic. He shook his head no slowly. “I've felt very well Loki was suffering - suffering terribly. I should have gone to him much earlier." Liz carefully groped her way around the undeniable problem: "But for that you must have known where he was. Surely you can also see from the article, only a very small exclusive group of people have known, all of whom seem to be very good at keeping their mouths shut. He has certainly asked his people to keep his whereabouts a secret. And in addition he must somehow have convinced a whole lot of people who do not belong to the close circle of family and friends to remain silent too - I assume bribing." Will looked at her indignantly.

“Don't be such an innocent baby! You went in and out of this family, and your Broadway superstar in particular has been recognized and photographed more than any other of the Starks over the years. You can't tell me he's going in and out a clinic in Tuscon as well as an elementary school and nursery school and nobody, not a single person, comes up with the idea of making some money of it? We're talking dozens of people here! It can only be explained in the way that everyone involved has already made enough money of it.” Will looked at her thoughtfully, neither agreed nor denied her logic. But she was right, of course, as he knew. "What are you getting at?" "At the fact Loki Stark made a lot of effort to keep his whereabouts secret - from the whole world and ...", she didn't go on, only giving a vague gesture. He went on for her; muttering tonelessly: "... and from me."

“I know this is awful, Will, but before you're acting in a rush, you must understand your encounter can end in extremely dramatic and very unfortunate terms. Are you aware of this?” “I ... no, not really.” “You _do_ love this man. His pain and grief and sorrow, you feel those almost as if them were yours, I understand. But, and you won't like to know, but: he is certainly affected by the matter and deeply worried, but he apparently works very well, taking care of his brother, looking after the family, coming to New York so as not to abandon his career. Does that look like a man who gave up everything because his life is ruined? Is he _broken?_ ” She could tell from his expression he understood, but also that this understanding threw him another giant step backwards.

He let his shoulders fall in resignation. “What am I supposed to do?” Liz took a deep breath: “Go to New York. Go to him and ask for an explanation. He had you long enough never getting one.” He frowned. “But,” she went on emphatically, “go there with the knowledge that perhaps none of your still-there tiny hopes and dreams will come true. Not a single one, you have to be aware of this.” He looked at the tabletop in silence for a long while. "Let's have dinner." he said finally, "I don't have to go to New York right away, I have to be thinking first." She gave his forearm a sympathetic squeeze and set the table. Their conversation over dinner was about anything, but not Loki - or someone else of the Stark family...

Elizabeth O'Mara had dealt with the Starks in depth through that crazy theater and separation story, if only because she read so much about them and saw so many pictures in her 'Loki - desperately wanted' action. She and William had rarely talked about Loki's family - neither of them were into gossip. He liked them all and they all treated him well, that had been enough for her. Contrary to popular belief, of course, she knew gay men would not jump on every even half-handsome man - to be friends with a gay man like Will and to think this way was impossible from the start - but she admired his iron self-control around them: not having walked around with a permanent boner. Of course Loki in the first place was attractive in a very interesting way, but there also were those brothers ...

Poor Thor, who now had such a hard fate to fight: a picture of a man. And there was the oldest ... Steven Stark, a _splendid fellow_ for whom Liz might be willing to open her bedroom, which was carefully locked to visitors (Liz was a very private person, preferring to invite lovers in a discreet hotel). William actually _could_ have acquainted him and herself, she thought. But: how do you say so nicely? 'Unfortunately gay'. His husband was, what it looked like, a long-legged fashion doll, surely wrapped in a cloud of sinfully expensive aftershave. His name was James, but everyone dubbed a drolly 'Bucky'. Was probably his old stripper's name. He must have given up this job in order - so to speak - to play around in a medium-sized car repair shop in Brooklyn as a kind of hobby.

With his even face, finely drawn brows, brightly sparkling eyes and a sinful mouth, however, he was, as she knew, exactly Will's type. Well, Steven Stark was probably one of the men who let himself be wrapped around their little finger by people like that - whether man or woman. It's a shame, he _was_ a splendid fellow, but obviously a little (stupid) naive. (She would be pretty ashamed of her malice when she got to know all of the Starks, which nobody had the slightest idea that it was about to happen ...) Well, how her best friend had survived those family parties, with four men around him, each of whom was a feast for the eyes, without losing his mind... He had her respect. The 'family baby' was still a student, so Liz, who had recently turned 42, forbade any further thought about him. _Pretty kid,_ she wouldn't let herself be carried away to anything else.

What she also discovered during her research, and with quite a bit of astonishment and a bit of contempt, was the fact Loki Stark, who of course was the main focus of her search, had obviously been a much more dissolute person than she would have ever thought. Of course, you couldn't believe every Broadway c-list star, male or female, who claimed to have slept with Loki Stark, but wasn't Will even aware there was always a grain of truth to be found with such a reputation? She sighed. William Harrington was an innocent baby - innocent and so good and kind and selfless himself so he always took the best of all people first - he was the most wonderful person in the whole world! If he wasn't gay, she would get married to him on the spot. He surely wouldn't have refused her just to keep her from feeling bad! She smiled to herself. _Good old William_... And again she felt quite some anger rise in herself against Loki Stark whom the last article had named 'Lonely Genius or Wanderer?' (what was that actually supposed to mean?). He could be glad to be far away. She was someone who _liked_ to be right. But this time she wished nothing more than to be wrong and William hadn't been mistaken about Loki. However, Loki Stark appeared to be a trickster before the Lord ...

*

"Can I do something for you, Miss Jones?" The undertone in Mrs. Whitman's voice made it abundantly clear she disapproved of MJ's furrowed brow. Mrs. Amelia Whitman was the second wife of retired Senator Alexander Pierce, who had been widowed at an early age and hired a nanny with an excellent education and references for his three children: Amelia Whitman. This had happened more than 20 years ago, the children except for the youngest, Terrence - a rowdy playboy, 22 years old and a son by profession - had moved out. The Pierce' were an old family of Boston money nobility, and Mrs. Whitman was a candidate for Senator in Massachusetts.

MJ had got the coveted job in the campaign office, bubbling over with happiness at the opportunity, until one day her joy was tarnished when she accidentally overheard a conversation between the couple and heard the former senator say, "I've told you; take the little black girl from the suburbs; two birds with one stone, blacks and idlers.” She swallowed her anger and made sure she found something to do. If she met either of them now, she would not be able to keep her mouth shut and lose her job, which was so valuable for her career - and with it her scholarship. Harvard had made it very clear: internships for their students were exclusive and those who could not assert themselves were not worthy of a Harvard degree.

Her image of the venerable university had faltered in recent years, she had confessed to Peter. It was full of snobs, sexists, racists, and bigots - or so it seemed to her. She knew hardly any of her fellow students shared this opinion. Of course, people told her to the head she was paranoid and only had an excessive distrust of people of wealthy origin - which was laughable, she was friends with the Starks! She had a good love relationship with one of them and they were all the best example of how rich - obscenely rich - people were still being anything but indecent.

Of course, Peter suggested changing colleges to a smaller school with a mixed student body; he would ask his father to research which one had a good reputation having successful - and at the same time decent – graduates. That would mean, however, her résumé would be tainted with a departure from Harvard - to move to a less well-known university. Which would convince anyone looking at it she had no longer been wanted at Harvard. So she had been swallowing all anger and annoyance for over a year, with gritted teeth and devoted herself enthusiastically to her studies, her various projects and now her internship in the politburo during an election campaign.

Which in itself was a very exciting thing. The spoiled lazy son, who was constantly oggling at her hungrily, was extremely annoying. Fortunately, he left it at the gawk, in the end she would have been asked to be nice to the good-for-nothing. And those people dared calling her hard-working neighbors - and her mother! - idlers! But fortunately this was an election campaign, and copping off with interns had been frowned upon in US politics for many years - _thanks to Bill Clinton!_ she thought. The boy was surely afraid the money would be turned off for him if he didn't behave in his parents' house and office.

Mrs. Whitman's disapproval at her frown was still threatening in the air. “Ma'am, with all due respect. I think it is dubious to leak this uncertain information about Mr Paul, from a highly dubious source at that, to the press. The accusation is highly defamatory and if untruthful, it could ruin Mr Paul - an innocent person in this case!” “Nothing about our sources is doubtful!" MJ would be able to contradict, but she dared not. The source's doubtfulness arose from the circles with which it was associated - a people-smuggling ring from Colombia that traded in girls and cocaine.

The alleged involvement of the opposing candidate, Gerald Paul, in having investments in it was, if mistaken, of enormous importance to her own integrity and sense of justice. She was only an intern, but her conscience couldn't allow her to be involved in such a thing, at least she couldn't shut up. “But just think about the information from the source being wrong.” “There is always a grain of truth in such information. Mr Paul is definitely not innocent - he's a politician!” Mr Pierce laughed good-naturedly. _Yes,_ thought MJ, _and so are both of you ..._

Mrs. Whitman smiled patronizingly, as if watching a funny puppy playing: “Well, my child, thank you for your suggestion. Nevertheless, I have to tell you: You don't understand anything about that, but after all you are still learning." MJ nearly lost it, but remained polite: "I would like to ask you politely not to address me as 'child'. I am definitely no longer a child. And even less _your_ child.“ _Oh,_ she probably didn't stay polite until the end, regarding her tone of voice; and she had forgotten the respectful 'ma'am' too. _Oops_. Mrs. Whitman flushed red, but her husband stopped her. “Amelia, my dear, we'd like to stay matter-of-fact here. Miss Jones certainly didn't mean it. And we don't want to lose a _Harvard_ intern. "

He looked from one of the opponents to the other. MJ was of course able to translate the slick political wording into proper English: 'Honey, we can't fire the black! Think about the odds.' Bringing up Harvard cleverly was meant for MJ - a warning. The university would not like a complaint. She gave herself a jerk: “Please forgive me, ma'am, that was inappropriate and of course you are right. I still have a lot to learn." The candidate looked at her - again patronizingly - "It's good, my child, forgiven and forgotten. But don't forget where your place is for the future, Miss Jones. Don't forget where you've come from.” “No ma'am. Thank you ma'am.” “You can go. It's a wonderful day, treat yourself to an ice cream!” _Why not a watermelon?_ She was only able to bring up a tiny bit of politeness: "Goodbye, ma'am, sir."

After hearing all about Arizona’s advances and defeats on the phone, she burst into angry tears and told Peter everything. He was seething with anger! He comforted her as best he could, making her laugh again and when they hung up he phoned his dad.

Amelia Whitman most certainly would not be elected ...


	131. "The Poison, Beloved, is Me ..."

**"The Poison, Beloved, is Me ..."**

When Loki Stark stepped out of the elevator on the 42nd floor the night after the first rerun of 'The Divine Comedy', he found William Harrington outside his apartment. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked down at him, one leg bent, one stretched out, leaning against the door frame. Will looked at him with an indefinable expression, but the look in his eyes struck him like a stab in the heart. The lover had gone through hell and the little spark flashing in the depths of the sad brown eyes seemed to Loki as if it was brand new - it was hope.

He walked slowly towards him, his features in check. He stopped at his feet. Loki couldn't quite hide his feelings either. His eyes also revealed more than he wanted. William saw in them despair ... and unbelief.

“I haven't changed the code. You could have waited inside.” That this surprised Will was evident. "I haven't ..." he fell silent when he noticed that he hadn't used the credit card since the premiere night either - of course not - and it was very likely Loki hadn't blocked it; the context with the lock code suggested this. He wanted to get up, but was a little stiff. At almost 40 (his birthday was three months away) it was not advisable to sit on the floor for two hours. Loki held out his hands and William looked at them as if he had to make a much harder decision than whether he wanted to be helped up or not. When Loki withdrew the gesture and put his hands in his pockets, William regretted not having taken them. And he also noticed his hands were clenched into fists in his pockets. He swallowed and struggled to his feet.

"You allow?", Loki gestured to the control panel for the lock and he stepped aside. The head of the house let him go first and offered him a glass of wine. In the kitchen they climbed onto the stools at the breakfast bar and sipped the perfectly chilled fine wine. _This used to be my life_ , Will thought. Both men had barely spoken a word, only exchanged a few pointless remarks about the weather. He gave himself a jerk.

"How is Thor?" Loki hung his head. "He is in very bad shape. Chemotherapy is quite aggressive, but as harmless as aspirin compared to radiation treatment.” “I'm so sorry, Loki. Honestly and sincerely sorry. Thor is a good man.” “Yes, he is.” He nodded, “the best of us all.” He looked up and added: “Of us Starks.” The glance at Will was meaningful. Before he could comment on it, he changed the subject.

"Why have you come?", The neutral tone was genuine, he was convinced of that. Any answer would be allowed, perhaps welcome, if it was just honest. So he gave the question a simple, honest answer: "I do now know what happened to you." Loki's features changed. The laboriously controlled expression turned into - yes, there it was again - unbelief! What did that mean? He took a deep breath. “It doesn't matter what happened to me. My brother's life is all that matters now.” William nodded emphatically saying simply: “I know.” For a long time they looked each other in the eye in silence. They broke the silence at the same time. "How was the performance?" - "I don't deserve you being here." Stunned, William leaned back.

“Although the topic I broached is the easier one, I'll still start: How do you know why I'm here?” Loki took a deep breath: “Theoretically, there may be a lot of very good reasons for this, some of which I've already ticked off by the process of elimination.” “Your brain could never fail to astonish me. Will you let me be a part of the fascinating trial.” He hadn't added 'one last time' or anything similarly accusatory, as Loki noted. And he didn't deserve _this_ either ...

“A simple and obvious reason would of course be you want to pick up some of your personal belongings. The keys to your rooms are in the safe, so if that's why you're here ...” “So you didn't change the code for the safe either.” Loki frowned slightly. "Why would I?" Will opened his mouth to protest, but actually he was right: why would he? William Harrington would never enter his apartment uninvited and he would certainly never go to his safe without being asked to. No matter how much he was hurt, he was who he was. And Loki knew.

“And why were you able to rule out this possibility?” “That was easy. There is no reason not to make that a request - none. You could even have sent it to my secretary without anyone thinking anything.” “That's true. Case closed.” “There was also the possibility you wanted to indulge yourself in the success of 'The Divine Comedy', which - as we both know - you hadn't been able to do then. After all, it is your work too. Incidentally, the performance was no less grandiose than the premiere, at which you had to stay hidden because of me and not get any of the well-deserved limelight and applause.” Will shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mind that much."

"Exactly. That's why it was quickly ruled out. Even if you suddenly felt like it, a less dramatic arrival on your part would have suited you better than waiting half the night on the doorstep of the director.” Will had to laugh a little. _Oh Loki ._.. He too smiled, amused. However, with both men the smiles did not reach their eyes. "In that case you would have written, possibly to my secretary or the theater management, if you had wanted to avoid contact with me. And last but not least, you could have just attended a performance in the next few days when I will have left town again.” William shook his head, but it was a gesture of amazement. "A very accurate analysis of this possibility."

"There were also some that were harder to reconsider and my portrayal of the process may disappoint you." "Leave that to me to decide.", Will took more wine. "Let's go to the living room." Will thought feverishly. In the living room on the couch, which is comparatively small with the rest of the apartment, this conversation would be much more intimate ... He also wondered if Loki wanted to buy time. He gave himself a jerk. "Why not? Would be a little more comfortable and that, well, the last few hours, as you know, was not granted to me; to make myself comfortable.", he winked. Loki slid gracefully from the stool, took the cooler with the wine and his glass. Will did the same. "Please, after you." The living room was the smallest room in the apartment and far back, at the end of the corridor. The open doors on the way there were too inviting to peek inside.

"I know you haven't been in town for a long time, so of course that's a nonsensical remark: nothing has changed." Loki let out a suppressed clearing of his throat. “I've changed too much in my life recently. I can't stand to do so any more.” Will stopped in surprise, Loki was just able to halt before running into him. He turned and they were so close to each other. The reply to Will's remark was the first hint of what had happened between them. "Why don't you go on?" Loki whispered, head cocked. William had to look up at him when he was so close. And he had to swallow. He _was_ a sucker for tall men - a weakness too difficult to conquer ... Loki blinked. He must have noticed. Well, how could he not? Loki noticed everything, always. "I ...", Will had to clear his throat, "I don't know if I can do this or if I should be doing so." The stare he got at that contained curiosity, a little confusion, a flicker of interest - and this one again: _unbelief_ ... “Doing what, William? Keep listening to me? Going to the living room with me? Pretending the world isn't torn to pieces? Or having to bear my very presence any longer?” Now Will blinked. "B-but ..." Loki interrupted:

“I am a _monster_ , William Harrington, and no one should be fooled by me and my neat words, my good manners, my civilized behaviour and my apparent calm. Least of all you, beloved, you least of all. You - a person who has never done anything other than to be good and kind - I pushed you into an abyss of pain, sorrow and suffering and then, for the time a blink of an eye takes measured against the infinity of what you have given me to feel; Just for the time spam of a blink of an eye I pulled you out of this abyss once more. To flatter my vanity, I took you like an animal, like the monster I am, only to push you back into the depths of your sensitive, wounded soul after. To even bring you close to me, within my reach, to risk I not only hurt you, but _destroy_ you, that's what you _mustn't_ do. Save yourself from me before it's too late. I am the spawn of all ugliness and profligacy a single person can unite in themself."

The clock hanging in the corridor above the door to the entrance hall gave an extremely loud ticking in the dead silence following Loki's monologue. What felt like an eternity later, Loki broke the silence again:

“Run, William Harrington. Run from me and surround yourself with human kindness and beauty and goodness as it is meant for you. Run as far from me as your feet can carry you. You can never expect anything good from me, never anything whole. With me you can never expect something as valuable as you deserve and as you are yourself. I am a monster and _scum_. Don't sully yourself with me any longer."

William was stunned at Loki's nameless, passionate - suffocating! - self-hatred. Everything went black. Neither the shattering of his glass nor that of Loki's, the thud of the wine cooler, nor Loki catching him before he crashed on the floor, him pressing his lifeless body desperately and yet so tenderly and lovingly to his own for a moment, taking him onto his arms gently after, Will didn't notice any more ...

*

Thor was having a good day. He was genuinely happy about the surprise visit in the afternoon: Peter Quill! And Quill was someone who had already lost two loved ones to serious illness and he knew the sick person wanted to talk about everything except the damned illness! He adopted a cocky tone: “Old man, lying lazily in bed while righteous people go about their day's tasks with hard work! Only a millionaire like you can come up with!” Thor laughed heartily and choked. His salivation was changed and he wasn't yet used to it. Quill calmly wiped his chin with a cloth, looked him in the eye, went serious for a moment: “This _is_ shit.” He said nothing more to the matter and smiled encouragingly: “Tell me about your children!” They chatted for two hours, before Thor was exhausted. He let him sleep. Quill looked down at the high school friend swallowing hard. Of course, nobody expected something like that, he knew, but Thor of all people! Who had always been so healthy and strong. Peter Quill had stopped praying many years ago after two fervent unanswered pleas. But the urge to try a third time was huge. He silently sent his request to the sky:

“ _One can understand why you want him up there in your club, but he's needed more down here. Let him make the world you created any more beautiful for a while. I'm serious, you still owe me one._ "

He sighed and went to talk to Jane. She probably didn't want to talk about Thor's illness either, but someone had to give him an overview of how his old school friend was doing. When Thor was feeling better in the evening, the doctors suggested that Jane spend the night with him. Without Loki she was a bit unsure about the children and unsure whether she could leave them alone with Peter at night. She spoke to him briefly on the phone. “But Jane, have you forgotten that Steve arrived this afternoon? Do not worry. We're managing this!” She _had_ actually forgotten ... she had so many things to think about! She went back to Thor. “Steve has arrived. I can stay with you."

Thor's smile was less contorted with pain than usual, and he held out a hand. She interlaced her fingers with his. “Tonight I will be able to sleep peacefully again because you are with me, dearest.” “I will watch over you. You know, I am very attentive at night when there is something beautiful to watch.", she winked. Thor snorted a little. He had lost his stunning appearance very quickly: his skin was pasty and of an ashen, almost gray color, his face puffy, his lips always chapped, no matter how often Jane or Loki or now Peter were putting balm on them. And his hair started to fall out ... Jane smiled warmly at him, caressed his cheek. “You are always beautiful to me. Your beauty comes from the inside and cannot be distorted by anything.” An expression of love and gratitude came to his eyes. They were as beautiful as ever. "My beautiful man, I love you." With that she rested her head on his chest ...

*

With combined forces, Erik, Fandral and Hela had been put to bed by Steve and Peter. He let himself fall on the couch grinning crookedly at the younger brother: "Having only one child is like being on vacation." Peter laughed: "Morgan makes up for three children, especially in the evening." That was only partially correct: "Bucky always laughs at me when she's walking all over me to delay her bedtime by half an hour.” “Yes, I know,” sighed Peter, “He does so at me too.” They laughed. "Has Jane got any beer?" His brother raised his eyebrows."Is it right for a responsible older brother to have some beer with me?" Steve smirked, "Who says I allow you to have one yourself?" He stuck out his tongue and got them two cans. "Tell me, Pete, how is it?" He didn't have to explain what he meant and the younger man described to him everyday life around caring for a possibly terminally ill person. Steve was shocked and very impressed with the work his younger brothers, first Loki and now Peter, were doing. Full of pride in the family baby and with tears in his eyes because of Thor, he listened carefully, offered his help - "Whenever it's necessary, summer holidays are long." - "Lazy." - and gave the little brother an honest and seriously take on his pride in him too.

Peter and Steve were very close and since he had grown up it was more and more like the older one was not only his brother but also his friend - and a very good friend too!

“How did the crumb like it in Canada?” “Morgan had the time of her life! Her hair was combed about three and a half times in four weeks, her knees were a single bruise, the whole time! And one day we had to put all of our courage and manhood together in order to not losing face in front of our daughter.” “Did you meet a bear and one of you had to suppress a squealing or what?” “It was Bucky. No, kidding. We didn't meet any bears. By the way, that is not to be trifled with, you city mouse.” Peter laughed out loud. " _City mouse_? Is there a lesson now about mythology?” “Nah ... At the end you're telling me exciting chemistry stories ...” “They _are_ often exciting! Sometimes even the fire brigade has to come when things get really exciting. Your husband would appreciate that.” “Firefighters? Stop it! Bucky will start brewing chemicals in his basement until all's blowing up just so he can call the firefighters.” They giggled. "Tell me how you had to save face in front of Morgan."

“Yes, it was like this: We borrowed a boat early in the morning to go fishing. Morgan really wanted to go fishing!” “Vacation with a camper.” “Exactly. But then came: she caught a fish. And she wanted to eat it for lunch.” Peter wrinkled his nose. “Sure?” Steve chuckled, “You have to hear about Bucky's and my first camping trip. It's been ages, we haven't even been together.” “Eons have passed since then.” “Watch out, cheeky. Well, Buck and I were also fishing at the time and after a successful morning we had four stately uh ... _fish_ , I don't know my way around, having caught them and put alive in the outer trap. Well and then we had to kill one.” He told the whole story in the engrossing, lively way that made him such a good teacher, and Peter ended up laughing so hard he had to hold his stomach. "You are such sissys - real wimps!", Peter had often been fishing with Ned, whose father was a keen angler and had already killed and gutted dozens of fish, well, he had not cooked them, better it was... Steve looked playfully outraged, but had to grin: "Well, listen, not everyone is a cold-blooded fish killer."

“And what became of Morgan's fishing prey?” “Of course we appealed to her sympathy - in vain. Her justified question of where the point in fishing is if you don't have fish for lunch was captivating in its logic. When she scolded Bucky because he always insists her eating fish because it is so healthy, and now it suddenly was cruel and sad, we had lost." Peter laughed again. "She's such a clever little thingie." "Yes, isn't she?" Steve's eyes shone with pride. “And who did it? Which of you goes to hell for cruel fish murder?” “We negotiated bitterly. Bucky did it. With my innate delicacy, I won't tell you what I had to promise for this.” “I can guess.” Peter waved him off. (Of course, Steve didn't tell him it didn't come to that, the intimacy and vulnerability of the sad, desperate nights of this vacation belonged to Bucky and him all alone ...) "And?", Peter wanted to know, "Were you fishing again?” “Hah! Bucky is just as clever a little thingie as our daughter. He skillfully and deliberately messed up the fish while cooking it... Fishing was no longer an issue.” “Your husband is perfidious.” “That too. Besides ... I'll spare you that too.” “And again: I can guess. "

After a break in conversation, Peter asked casually, "Have you ever regretted not starting a career in politics?" Steve became immediately alert. "What's the matter, kid? Do you have doubts about your perspective? That does not matter. You are young, you have all the time in the world. If you'd rather do something else...” Peter cut him off. "Stop it. Turn off big brother mode. Firstly, it's not about me and secondly, you didn't answer my question.” “Oh, right. No, I don't, I do love my job. And firstly, is this about MJ?” “She hates it in the politburos! I mean, she loves her studies. All of the lessons are great and exciting, she says. But she disgusts the toxic, racist and sexist atmosphere. No, worse: it's shaking, depressing and disillusioning her.” He told him about MJ's trouble at her internship. “Why don't you go somewhere else? Or she can go to a smaller university?" Peter sighed: " _Harvard,_ Steve. Who voluntarily leaves Harvard? She's worked so hard for it!” “She's a great girl, but I didn't expect anything else from you.” He smiled warmly at the younger brother. "Thanks, Steve." Peter replied, a little puzzled at the statement. Steve gathered:

“MJ is not a person not pushing something through, no matter what she has to endure on the way to her goal. Have faith. You two are getting your Masters and I am convinced in the end she will make a decision about her future - and it will be the right one. She's a… clever little thingie.” Peter chuckled. "Don't let her hear that." "God forbid, I'm not tired of life." Fleetingly he asked, "What happens to that outrageous candidate for the senatorial post?" “Dad's taking care of her and she will not know what's happened to her after.” “Good.” The story about that, as Steve knew, would especially amuse Aunt Natasha when his father would tell it in a grand gesture ...

*

William Harrington came back to himself slowly. He was lying, he realized. And it was very comfortable. The second thing he noticed was the very delicate smell surrounding him, of fabric softener and ... of Loki's after shave! He jerked up. He was in Loki's bedroom, on his bed. "Slowly, otherwise you'll get dizzy again." Will blinked, sank back and slowly perceived his surroundings in the dim light of the bedside lamp. The predominant element in his surroundings: Loki sat on the edge of the bed looking down at him. He himself was stretched out under a thin blanket. He was no longer wearing his shoes ... “I've been close to calling an ambulance. You were gone for almost fifteen minutes.” “W-what happened?” “You passed out and have not come to yourself for an unusually long time. I've wanted to wait for the critical 15 minutes before calling for help and - well, now you've waken up shortly before." All of a sudden the memory of the last moments before the blackness came back to Will's mind. He groaned in embarrassment. "I'm such a mimosa." "Would you like a glass of water?" Loki ignored the comment. "W-what?"

He got up, took a glass and a water bottle from the bedside table, poured some, and held the glass out to Will. He straightened up taking it automatically. He was still dazed. "Did I hit my head when I fell?" Loki looked at him briefly, unfathomably and in silence, before making an unwilling head movement. "No. I was still able to catch you.” “Loki ...” he whispered, “It's surreal.” Of course he knew what William meant. "Yes of course. What ever between us wasn't?” “Good question.” “How do you feel? Do you want to go to the emergency room? A faint is always a risk situation.” “I ... ", he sighed, "Dear, what is this here? I mean, you, me, us, l _ife_?” “It's fate.” The gun-shot answer was final. Will swallowed: "You mean ...? Do you mean what I mean. Are we fate, you and me?” Loki looked tortured for a moment, but quickly regained control of his features. "Will. You have heard me.", Loki sighed, "I am poison. I'm a monster. I am not worthy of you. Go and find your happiness, I will grant it you from the bottom of my heart."

"Why do you hate yourself so much?" Loki closed his eyes. He was frustrated Will didn't protest, didn't agree, didn't want to force his view on him, but instead focused his attention and all meaning again only on Loki and his condition. He groaned and threw his hands in the air. "I've told you why, and the fact you can't understand, you from all people can't understand I am to be hated, seriously." That elicited a small, very sad laugh from William. “Loki, dearest, love of my life, I think I have just mentally reached the current state. I understand now ... It's my - _our_ \- love what's doing this to you. Making this person who hates himself and can only measure his worth by what he is ready to give up, to sacrifice! If I am to be your sacrifice to save your brother, then rest assured: _I_ am the poison, not you. Never you." Loki looked at him with narrowed eyes: "Nonsense. You are the best person on this planet.” “ And I have already told you how much or how little this phrase means: There could be billions and trillions of better people out there in universe.”

"What are you getting at?"

"Loki. Our love has made you a deeply desperate, driven man who verges on madness. Now that you are facing the worst that could have happened to you: the threat to Thor's life; do you run from it, when a love like this, like we have got for one another must have kept you upright. It ought to be an anchor and haven in your grief, your worry and your suffering. Instead, you cannot bear its grandeur in the face of the feelings tumbling over you because of Thor. You are ashamed of it. You think you are not valuable enough, you mustn't have the slightest bit of beauty and love and happiness any more when an excellent person like Thor has to suffer a bitter fate. In your desperation and your helplessness you only see one way out: Plagued by feelings of guilt and self-hatred, you enter into a pact with fate: You believe if you take enough suffering on your shoulders, you will sacrifice enough, the impending death will leave your brother be and no longer extends his icy, merciless fingers to him. It was just a warning, you think. A warning to you not to fool yourself into being worth of something to make you happy. Because you consider yourself a flawed - _defective_ \- person. And when I realized earlier this is all my fault, I am to blame for your immeasurable misery, it hit me like a punch. Therefore the faint."

Loki looked into his lap and was silent for a while. He played with the folds in the sheet next to him. He stated silently: “So you didn't come to ask for an explanation because you already have one yourself.” “I told you why I came. Because now I know what happened to you. It tortured me to feel how unhappy you are - even when we were apart. Yes, I came to ask for an explanation too, but got it before I could bring myself to ask for one. I understood that I, us, our love, is too much for you. The way you feel, think, perceive life with its ups and downs and the beautiful and terrible things it has in store for us is so fundamentally different from the way I, an ordinary person, is doing it. This love is driving you out of your mind. Your brilliant, fascinating, incomprehensible mind - the most beautiful and most protection-worthy thing that there is for me in this world and it will comfort me your sacrifice will hopefully not only save your brother, but maybe yourself too. "

"You're not ordinary in the least," he looked William in the eye. He lifted a shoulder: "As for love, I'm a simple man: You exist, I love you." Loki swallowed. “What's happening now?” The despair lurking behind his external calm and - yes, it was fear too - tore at Will's heart, but with a sigh he gave himself a jerk: “I'm leaving now. I love you and let go of you. That's how love is sometimes ... I don't want to have any part in robbing the world of the most beautiful and most valuable it contains: _you_. And I can only hope you don't do it yourself. Don't destroy yourself, dearest. "

Loki was petrified. He hardly moved when William got up, looked around for his shoes, found them, put them on, tying them up. When he turned to leave, Loki's body jerked. His hand shot out like a snake and he got hold of William's wrist, his long, elegant fingers wrapping around it like a vice, relentless and strong. Those fingers, which could be so tender and delightful at the same time, when ... His words, as if spoken in a maddened way, penetrated Will's numb-like mind:

“... the firm conviction, when I found you on my threshold, you have come to win me back and I realized I had nothing to do about it. Just tell me one more thing: Am I wrong?” William looked down at him sadly. “Is that true?” “What of it? Oh, you mean I'm sure that I had nothing…" Will interrupted him:" ... have nothing to do about it, yes. Is that true?" He whispered: "Of course it is true ... You didn't try once the night of the premiere during our last moments..." He broke off, it was cruel what he was doing, it became just aware to him. Will asked: "Is that what you wished for?"

The torn expression in the man's fine features was indistinguishable. _Oh Loki ..._

"May I ...?" Loki was still clutching his wrist. Will gestured toward the bed with his other hand. Loki let go of him. "Of course, please sit down." William just remembered forgetting to ask something, "Did you really carry me down the hall?" He wasn't a very tall man, but he wasn't a very light man either and he weighed almost 176 pound. A small wrinkle appeared between his brows: "I'm stronger than I'm looking." "It's a shame I missed it." He looked at Loki, noticing he would have liked to make a comment about this, maybe even one of the malicious little ones, without real spite he had always loved about him. They smiled a little at each other, amicably. Both understood without words.

“Loki, I'm frank: I came to win you back, not ready to accept that that's supposed to be all of it. I love you, I knew you were suffering and couldn't bear the thought you had to get through this without me. I was determined to convince you you could cope with this difficult time and survive this much better if I was by your side. Now I disagree. You've said I mustn't sully myself with you anymore.” He shook his head softly. “It is much more - the way things are - this here, this with us, this love ... I am the poison, the scum tainting you, slowly destroying you. I can not do that. I can't be that. I love you and let go of you. The poison, beloved, is me."

Loki looked at him in silence for a long time. The pain and grief in his beautiful eyes had given way to resignation and regret. A tear hung in his eyelashes. At his next blink, it dropped. Will watched it run down his face and without thinking about it, he followed the wet trail with his fingertip. Another expression appeared in Loki's eyes, they grew darker and widened a little. Slowly he leaned toward the smaller man, his dark gaze boring deep into William's eyes. Just before his lips met the other's slightly parted lips, he breathed:

"Are we really supposed to do this?" The tip of his tongue stole its tender way over his lower lip. He shuddered, "You don't want it?" "This is not the question." "Either I will do this now for the last time in my life, or in retrospect, date this significant event to the night of the premiere of 'The Divine Comedy'." “Loki, that's...” A jolt went through his body, his eyes suddenly burned, his hands shot to Williams, grabbing his wrists and his tall, lithe body pushed him onto the mattress (he was _much_ stronger than he looked! ). Loki's voice, tinged with passion, hissed, "William Arthur Harrington. I told you what this about us has made of sex for me. Don't you dare to doubt my words. Everything about was true! I will prove you, by all gods and demons: Surrender yourself to me and you will be convinced no person, man or woman, will ever have this with me again in life, because I have given everything, every intimate feeling, every lustful emotion to you." William emitted a helpless sound, he was lost ...

The vortex, the downward spiral into which Loki pulled his lover, was an intoxication of desire, passion, lust and ecstasy the human mind could not grasp. Like a single fused being, in instinctual rut devoid of any understanding or reason, animalistic, consuming, all-embracing - _divine_ \- like a single animal with two backs, it was impossible to tell where one began and the other ended ... Will's last - the only one to be honest - thought, he wasn't really able to think anymore: _He'll never do this again_. He believed him ...

*

Back in Winnipeg, Will explained Liz what decision he had made and why. She didn't say much to it, but realized he would be able to make his peace with it, at least a little. For the next days he worked on a letter. It turned out to be a long letter. And almost as long as it took for the letter it took him to decide who to address it to. Loki was closer to his mother than to his father, so she was his first choice for a long time, but he hesitated. Pepper Potts Stark was a strong woman with a lioness' heart when it came to protecting one of her 'babies'. He had once realized that when he heard a harmless, joking remark from Bucky with an almost imperceptible grain of truth.

(Bucky had invited them to a special dinner and Will quipped at Steve: "Thank God Loki is so happy with me. I don't even dare to imagine what will happen to me would that change. Your father's letting me disappear in Siberia." Bucky, who was just handing out one of his artfully arranged courses, snorted: “Better keep your eyes open in another direction. Our mother-in-law is a great lady - and a dragon lady." Morgan giggled: "Nana is not a dragon." “You, sweetie, have never seen her angry. Believe it or not, she will spit fire and smoke's billowing out of her nose." "Bucky ...", Steve chided with a smile.

“What, are you a scared, Morgan snitches? Angel, you wouldn't blacken your papa to Nana, would you?" The little one smirked: "I want double dessert today.” “Oho! I'll just accept your bribing. But we have guests, and you know we always want to show off your good manners to the family. You know the rule: We only say the want-word when we are alone." She giggled: "I would like a double dessert, papa, may I?" “But you'll keep the dragon thing secret in return.” The three men who watched the exchange of blows with amusement laughed. Bucky and his daughter high-fived and fell in, laughing too.)

Pepper Stark was a lovely person, Will thought, but was she the right person to tend to on this matter - especially when she was about to suffer the worst what could have happened to a mother? He also had the suspicion she might not be able to deal with a letter from him with the necessary judgment, to question his motives. He couldn't be sure of her benevolence towards him ... Especially because days after the premiere he had received compassionate, sympathetic and regretful emails not only from Thor but from the whole family, _almost_ from the whole family. From everyone _but_ Pepper ....

Without a doubt, the son's illness was something equally true of Thor's father in terms of suffering, worry, and grief, and he was ashamed to burden him with more during this difficult times. But he thought Tony Stark was the most suitable candidate.

Tony Stark read the three-page letter, in beautiful handwriting in ink on expensive paper, more than once. Each time it left him more stunned and frightened. Measuring what Thor's illness did to one of his other sons, and doing something about it, would demand everything. Deepest concern for his beloved 'problem child' joined the one for Thor ...

_Oh, Loki, what have you done to yourself?_


	132. A Defect in Evolution? I beg your Pardon.

**A _Defect_ in Evolution? I _beg_ your Pardon.**

The letters blurred before Tony Stark's eyes. He let the pages drop, wiped his eyes, and put William Harrington's letter down in front of him, the pages neatly pushed together. A passage from the last paragraph caught his eye when he saw more clearly again:

“ _The focus of the family is of course on Thor and I understand. I can hardly measure your pain and your worries even not with my greatest effort and all my imagination. But I feel sincerely and deeply for you. However, in all efforts to save Thor's precious life, I would be heartbroken if the family suffered another painful loss. I wish dearly and from the bottom of my heart for Thor to be saved from an unjust and cruel fate, and yet I must ask you to use a little of the strength and determination the whole family is willing to muster, a little of this strength, Tony, use it for Loki to be rescued. I beg you, save him! The world would be a horribly gray and desolate place without him._ "

He pressed his fingertips against his lips. He had had no idea. Loki, his independent, multi-layered, complicated, wonderful child - had become a 'problem child' again ... What would he do now? What was he supposed to do? And how - on earth, would he be able to hide it from Pepper? She couldn't take any more ... Could _he_? He didn't know, he didn't believe so, but he had to ...

_Pepper ._.. he didn't have much hope he would be able to argue with her with Will's views and insights in the man hardly anyone in the family got fully... His wife ... as well as she had been on best terms with William Harrington when he was Loki's boyfriend, so little warmth she felt for him now, as Tony knew ... She would never allow him to suggest - _presume_ \- he knew Loki better than any of them, his family after all. Better than his mother! She was convinced it was Will's duty to be by Loki's side, by all of theirs, during this difficult times, and he wasn't.

That it could very well have been Loki's wish he was staying away - and how Tony now had black-and-white in mind - she could hardly imagine. Or the boy just didn't know what was good for him. For Pepper they all were babies forever ... He sighed. It was with William like it had been with Bucky: she was simply disappointed and offended in her motherly pride: how dare anyone not find everything her great boys did adorable? Her grief over Steve's heartache then and now Loki's clouded her judgment. He understood. She was one of those mothers: 'Curl a hair of my baby and you'll get to know me!' But she _was_ a wonderful mother. To love a child too much he really couldn't blame anyone for...

He pulled the letter closer to himself again. He found its content to be absolutely sincere, compassionate, concerned and a good and apt analysis of Loki's elusive behavior patterns, whom, as he found, really nobody in the world seemed to know better than the man who loved him in such a limitless and selfless way like William Harrington. Who had nothing in mind but his well-being. For this he was ready to resign and who - the heck with the guilt in this family and everyone who belonged or belongs to it! - would rather die than see Loki unhappy. Or just do without him as a first step. The ruthlessness with which the linguistics professor openly and profoundly explained his entanglement in the wrong ways the sensitive and complex nature and heart of his son had driven him, the linguistic skill impressed Tony.

He was certainly eloquent himself, but he couldn't hold a candle to this one - just as he couldn't with Loki ... _And let's not kid ourselves_ , he said to himself, his boy will never again find someone in life who is as a perfect match! And according to what William had also stated in his detailed letter, Loki was exactly of the same opinion and was not in the least ready to seek even a little intimacy and closeness again in his life ... This was a disaster!

He started the letter a fourth time ...

One or the other passage touched him deeply and brought tears to his eyes.

( _... there can be no miracle in this or any other world, amazing my eyes, my mind, my heart the same..._ )

( _... unbearable thought of having to watch his beauty, his uniqueness, the ability to feel more deeply than it should be possible for a person dying away..._ )

_(... it is I who awakened all of this in him - as void and insignificant as I am next to him - and it torments my heart and soul, my everything, unspeakably …_ )

No wonder, his son fell for William Harringtons words in the first place. He had to stop reading again. He feared that his own mind, widely admired and described as one of the brightest and fastest on the planet, might be lost in the face of the tragedy been unfolded right before their eyes, unnoticed by all of them! And he had to do something! Repair something - _fix it._ Wasn't that what he always did? Fixing things? He was a mechanic after all ... Now that Loki had replaced him again by Thor's side, Peter would be returning to Boston to be with MJ. Well, he had to ask him to "detour" through New York. He needed a capable representative for his post as Stark Industries' chief engineer. In contrast to Pepper, he was not yet retired - he was holding the position for Peter, so to speak. And only him he trusted the complex task of representing him, and only Peter would not 'steal' any ideas) ...

The boy asked no questions when he contacted him asking for this and immediately accepted. The Stealth Mode Save mission was due to start when Pepper traveled to Connecticut to represent Morgan's parents worthily at the granddaughter's two-day soccer camps tournament (Bucky had to work and Steve was in Arizona). The soccer camp was by the way very fittingly set up in Manchester, CT, by the way, and her father had bought the girl half a dozen Manchester United jerseys from different club eras. As Bucky's daughter, Morgan was of course equipped with a suitable wardrobe for every occasion. She was a madcap, but she _liked_ pretty clothes - it was a father-daughter thing! Tony would use this time to carry out phase one of the mission to save Loki. He only expected his wife would seriously resent him for the action he intended to carry out behind her back if it didn't work out. However, he feared that in the event of failure, both of them and the entire family and their close friends would have more to mourn than a small marital crisis. If successful, Loki's happiness and well-being would outshine any disgruntlement anyway ...

*

(Winnipeg)

William Harrington had one of his rather bad days. It still happened now and then: that he curled up in his chaotic house and - well, was sorry for himself. Elizabeth O'Mara had rushed to his side when she received an answer to a text in which she had asked him if he would like to go to the cinema. The answer was only three emojis: the famous monkeys covering their eyes, ears and mouth. When she got to his place, she lovingly told him off a little for opening the door in pajamas around noon again, resolutely planned their afternoon together with long overdue tidying up and sent him to the bathroom. William obeyed - of course. To contradict Liz, it took a much stronger person than he was. He was still upstairs when the doorbell rang. She went to the door and on the threshold she found... Tony Stark.

"Holy shit. I wouldn't have expected one of your clan in life.” (And if it had to be, wouldn't it have been at least the _splendid fellow_ Steven Stark? - Without his _doll,_ of course.) Mr Stark blinked, surprised, but quickly recovered . "Good day. I'm Tony Stark and - excuse me, ma'am, that's William Harrington's address, isn't it?” “I damn well know who you are - Tony _fucking_ Stark. Who doesn't know?” Tony blinked again at the outspoken hostility, but was determined not to get involved. "Well, obviously. And - excuse me again - you are ...?” “I am the one who will not allow one of your gang to hurt him again. The pile of broken pieces was easy to sweep up but very difficult to glue back together - the glue is not dry yet, so I don't take any risks."

“I understand from your caring manner that you are a good friend of William's. It makes it easier for me to see he is taken care of. But, if you will allow me, I think he should decide for himself whether to see me, Mrs. ...?” “O'Mara, Elizabeth O'Mara.” “So, Mrs. O'Mara, is Will at home?" She hesitated. The woman, Tony acknowledged, was a beauty (he was married but not blind!). Exquisite and tastefully dressed and extremely well-groomed - from head to toe neat as a pin. Intelligence flashed from her gray eyes and she was evidently one of the hard steel women with only a few sore spots. Tony could easily guess one of hers. She had a strong protective instinct for William Harrington. So it looked like Will had his Pepper too – similar to Loki …

As was his way, he had found out very subtly how Will's life was going. He thanked him by e-mail for the very personal letter and expressed his sincere regrets again and promised his serious intention to take care of the matter. As if by the way, he asked Will about his everyday life. ( _"How are you, my boy? What a shame how everything has come out. What are you doing? Are you planning to travel? It could distract you, do you some good." - "I try to make my everyday life meaningful – sometimes even with success. But traveling? No, it has become stale to me - now that I have to do it alone. I will spend the summer in my house and try to be healing. Will you take care of Loki?” “I promise. All the best, my boy."_ )

"Let me talk to him, Mrs. O'Mara - I assure you, I have only good things in mind, _for him_." He narrowed his eyes when she didn’t change a face. This wasn't her language, apparently, so he switched to a different one himself: "Damn, I like this guy, please don't treat me like a serial killer." Liz had to laugh against her will. “Mr Stark, I don't like stating so, but: I could develop a liking to you.” “This is not the first time I've heard this. I'm a lovely person.” She laughed again. His charm - paired with self-irony - Tony Stark was disarming and made her soft. "Come on in." "Finally ... Coffee wouldn't be bad either." Will stood dead in the door of the kitchen when he saw Loki's father with a cup in hand at the kitchen table. "Surprise!" Liz called dryly. Slowly he came to the table, Tony got up and raised his arms a little awkwardly. William gave himself a jerk and let himself be hugged warmly.

Will asked about Thor immediately after they sat down. His condition was unchanged, which in his case was comparatively _better_ news, if not really _good_ ones _,_ and Will again expressed his sympathy and own grief to Tony. Liz joined in - no matter what this crazy family had done, the thing with Thor Stark was bloody unpleasant. Mr Stark thanked them both and came to the point: "You will ask yourself what moved me, after your detailed letter hardly leaving an open question." Liz's eyebrows shot up almost to the hairline. _Oh_ , Tony thought, _someone will get a serious scolding later_. “I admit so, yes.” “Well, I also admit something: For all the acuteness I am said to be, points remain open for me. What exactly is it you are so afraid of, what could _happen_ to Loki?” Liz started and said coolly:“ You, after all Loki's _father_ , have to ask _him?_ ” She snorted disdainfully after.

"Liz, can I ... will you excuse us for a moment, please?" "Of course." They left the kitchen. Tony heard the murmur of excited voices and the main door open. _Ouch!_ He did not expect that: The Lion Queen would hand over her protégé to a Stark alone again. William came back, not so surprisingly, alone. "She's having a hard time with me, you have to excuse her." Tony smiled softly. “I know people like that. I think it's nice to be the object of such care.” “Yes. But sometimes you feel like a case for charity - or a puppy," Will agreed with a laugh. “Well, my boy. Do you have the kindness and the necessary patience to explain to me again some points which, despite your rhetorical skills, remained a little unclear to me?” “For example?” Tony became clear:

"Are you afraid he's doing something to himself?" Will froze and took a shaky breath. "If you mean that in the traditional sense: No, I don't think so." Tony looked very relieved. Will cleared his throat, "We can only go on with this conversation if you know that I need to address things that ... well, things that my tact, respect and affection for you would normally forbid." Tony frowned, didn't seem to understand. The person opposite gave a suppressed sigh; He had imagined it would be easier with a genius. "Things concerning Thor," he said bravely. The blow - briefly but clearly visible - he had inflicted on Tony Stark was making Will so sorry and he looked at him regretfully and pleading for his apology. "No father should have to suffer this, Tony," he said softly. He also took a shaky breath and said calmly:

“If it is necessary to speak out ugly things to help Loki ... I have to endure and you can be assured Thor would, if he knew about, agree with me immediately. I'm just glad he hasn't got the slightest idea of this tragedy in his weakened condition. If it weren't for the way he is at the moment, he would have probably already sensed something was odd and intervened to bring light into the darkness of Loki's heart.” Will swallowed. "To be honest: I'm afraid in the end there might be no choice but to put Thor in the picture." Tony looked at him horrified. Will had expected that, but he said what he thought anyway: “It's like this: who is the only one who has an influence on Loki now that I am out of this? The only one, for the sake of whom he leaves off what he is passionate about, if only he asks him and appeals to his will to self-love?” Tony Stark turned pale but he gave a jerk:

“Before that, before we deal with it in more detail: Just to assure again I understood everything correctly. First of all - on the night of the premiere, Loki left you without telling you why. Then you found out about Thor and traveled to New York, ostensibly to offer Loki to be there for him, to support and assist him and when you felt Loki might consider it, you did again retreat and now you're still determined to stay away from him.” Will had shifted a little uncomfortably in his chair. So matter-of-factually stated he came across as damn heartless (and he couldn't imagine what names for him Pepper Stark would come up with ...). But since Tony didn't look accusatory in the least, he nodded: "This is roughly the sequence of events." His counterpart nodded thoughtfully.

"And you did that because you are convinced your love, your relationship, is harming Loki." Will sighed. “It's harming Loki _now_. In this special, demanding situation with his beloved brother. It hasn't harmed him a moment in all the time before. I'm sure of it.” “So this is not something Bucky once had done to himself? To believe he doesn't deserves the man he loves." Will raised his eyebrows. "Was it like this? Amazing. No it is not. 'Deserving' is a big word. Who decides what people deserve? I love Loki and all I ever wanted was to be good and kind to him and see him happy. Maybe that's 'deserving' him.” Tony looked at him with a slow nod: “In its simplicity that is a very accurate description of a word too big.” “Perhaps.”

“One more question: You are determined to keep yourself and your love away from Loki. Why? I mean _why in hell_? Explain this to me again.” Will thought about it, almost wanted to refuse, but since there was no reproach in Tony's request, he gave himself a jerk. “In Loki's soul and consciousness and his fascinating mind there is no place for it and at the same time for Thor and his concern for him. It overwhelms him. His overwhelming emotions and his sometimes cruel talent to perceive and think about a thousand things at the same time without being able to distinguish the insignificant from the important, are holding him captive tormenting him in a situation in which he is now, tormenting him to the very core of his soul. If I didn't hold on to subtracting myself from the vortex of emotion and biochemistry inside him, it would drive him crazy. I can't let that happen.” Tony cocked his head understandingly. _Understood_ \- well, in theory. But he still _didn't_ understand - not really, but wouldn't pursue the subject any further for the time being, with no prospect of success. But he _had_ to convince William Harrington he needed him to ... help ( _save?_ ) Loki.

“What do you fear will happen to Loki? You don't think he's harming himself. I trust your judgment, of course, but as a father I want a little more ... well, _confirmation._ What makes you so sure?” “Loki has to experience first hand how his brother is fighting for his life. Just out of respect and awe for the fragility of beautiful and good things, he would not give up his. He loves Thor too much for that, couldn't do it to him in any scenario.” Tony was amazed. “This is another damn good and wise explanation in its simplicity. I'm almost convinced too.” “Almost?” “Since you've already mentioned 'scenarios'. We have now reached the point of addressing the ugly things mentioned. One scenario is: Thor defeats cancer, Loki is freed from a superhuman burden, which of course can also lead to the fact the two of you will find each other again. But there is also the other scenario...” Will didn't ask, of course he knew what Tony Stark meant and it would be too cruel to ask him to be the first to say it out loud. He sighed suppressed.

"In that case Loki wouldn't harm himself either, not in the traditional sense, for the same reason: Thor won't go _easily_ ... if it happens.", Will turned his eyes down, his voice was only a mere whisper, the cruelty of his own words hurting him. Still he went on: “He will be struggling with dying, leaving you all, causing immeasurable pain and grief. Loki can't do that to Thor either: burden all of you with the same pain and grief a second time. There is no scenario in which Loki could do this to Thor: hurting ... _harming_ himself.” “This time you left out 'in the traditional sense' and you have already used it twice with conspicuous emphasis. What's behind that?” Will smiled sadly. “Loki has probably inherited part of his remarkable comprehension and perception from you. So it has not remained hidden from you. Well, if I had really wanted to hide it, I would have been more careful - all good.” “So what is it Loki could do to himself in the non-traditional sense? What makes you so worried about him?” William looked at him for a long time. “If Thor wins this battle, I'll be the happiest man in the world. That may sound presumptuous, but at the moment I see it as the only way what can save Loki from which makes me fear for him. But ... if ... he succumbs to his merciless disease... "

Tony Stark closed his eyes in agony, Will tactfully looked away for some moment. "What will happen in this case?", The hoarse whisper of the tormented father brought him back. The simple answer, more a cough of words threatening to choke him, than correct language hit him like a punch: "Loki will... surrender to insanity." William gave a broken sob.

*

Steve, who had talked extensively to Thor, decided to stay a little longer when Peter left. The brother had made him prick up his ears with a remark. It was casual and he didn't go into it very much, but that night when he was alone and after a phone call with Bucky, lying on his bed in just shorts on the blanket and sweating - it was terribly hot in Arizona - he got caught into pondering ... ("Loki's working himself into the ground. And that with everything that's already going on inside him. But you know how he is, he doesn't let anything to the surface." Steve had agreed to his brother when Thor had a coughing fit, immediately engaging him for some time and they hadn't come back to the subject.)

But now Steve's thoughts returned to it and he scolded himself - once more - for not paying enough attention. Thor was quite worried! And he hadn't reacted appropriately. Loki ... To him the most mysterious of his brothers, so dissimilar to himself in each way and a never-ending enigma to Steve. He regretted it. Loki had a lot to give, Steve knew that! He was intelligent, interested in many things, leading a life that couldn't be more different from his own! He had to have so many interesting stories in him. The first and only time he was in a steady relationship, he and Bucky had seen Loki and his boyfriend regularly. Bucky was delighted to have another LGBT couple in the family, and while Steve sometimes felt like he was getting on his brother's nerves with his exuberant enthusiasm, they had often had a good time together!

And then all of this happened. Thor's illness, Loki's and Will's break-up ... The opportunity to catch up on a relationship with Loki he had long neglected, to establish it newly seemed to be a long way off. And after experiencing the way about Thor and his own guilt, Steve wished for a closer bond with all of his brothers. That was also the reason why he wanted to stay in Arizona without further ado. Bucky completely agreed; he had enough to do full-time at Barnes' Motor Barn to keep himself busy. Until Morgan got out of soccer camp in a week, Bucky didn't need him, as he told him acting flirtatiously. Well, he was actually never only _acting_ to be 'flirtatious'. Steve sent him a very dirty email before going to bed, which his husband replied with a picture of a certain piece of clothing that he promised he would wear when for his return. _Nice_ , Steve thought – _Bucky looks pretty sinful in red!_ But for now Steve's mind was on Loki. He watched him carefully for the next few days …

Loki was disciplined and exemplary at taking Thor's care in hand personally rather than leaving it entirely to strangers. Of course there was a professional team of nurses to take care of many of the needs of the seriously ill patient, but the little things you could give him, such as applying lip balm, spraying the dry, inflamed oral cavity with a mixture of water and chamomile, washing his sweaty face, helping him up when his meals came, and setting the little bed table nicely, those were the things relatives were so much better at than professional carers - who were undoubtedly willing to make their patients feel better, or decrease their discomfort, to relieve pain. But people found it easier to accept kindness from loved ones. As Steve found, Loki took every hold and every action as if trained by heart. Was he not with Thor, he was with the children and he mastered this task admirably, too. Steve figured his brother was sleeping no more than five hours a night (or even sometimes at day when Thor was having bad nights and he didn't leave his side. The doctors had advised Jane not to spend those nights in her husband's room - it would bother him too much what she had to see, hear and experience doing so. She never asked her brother-in-law...)

Steve didn't get very far with his observation. Loki was often calm and friendly, a pleasant chatterer who entertained Thor for many hours or looked after the children in a loving, careful and funny manner. Sometimes he was of course serious and worried and tried very hard not to get dramatic and yet he expressed to his favorite brother what he meant to him and that he was not ready to ever give up this battle and asked Thor to be just as determined. With all his attention and observation, Steve has never gotten any smarter about Loki than he has been in the last 30 years. One of the nights when Thor had been well enough for Jane to spend the night with him, Steve opened some wine, and after they had talked a little about their day, Steve had been with Thor that morning so Loki was able to sleep after a 'bad night'. When Jane spent time with the children in the afternoon Loki was with Thor, and now him and his eldest brother found themselves alone together and had ticked off all everyday topics. The fact Steve was chewing on his thoughts because he didn't know how to tell what was on his mind was not hidden from Loki - he had already noticed when Steve was doing so at the age of ten - his brother was 14 then.

So the older one didn't surprise him and Loki had his facial features under control, didn't show any of his feelings when Steve blurted out: "Do you miss Will?" Loki picked up his glass. A slightly less innocent person than Steve would have recognized this for what it was: Loki wanted to buy time. And the younger one knew exactly how to lure Steve on the wrong track. Give him enough of the truth and hide the dark part of it from him. Loki was suddenly so tired. He was so tired of his lies ... And he knew where that came from after Steve having had very personal conversations with Thor. Loki from the start had had no illusions that Thor would remain clueless the whole time. Firstly, Thor knew him too well. Secondly, he wasn’t a person who only focused on himself during a severe personal crisis. And Loki was afraid for the first time of what would happen if his carefully choreographed game of not-entirely-the-truth, half-truth and lies was about to collapse. He could hardly imagine what it would do to Thor if he knew what Loki had done. Why did he realize this that late?

He glanced at Steve, who was looking at him partly expectantly, partly a little nervously, as if he feared that he had gone too far. Loki narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly. Steve was his _brother!_ Did he think he wasn't allowed to ask such a question? He felt a stab - one in a thousand and more lately. "What do you think, brother?" He sighed - and everything was true and earnest, including the little sad sound that came up from his throat sounding like a sob. "Of course I miss him." Steve gave a serious nod. "And ... and do you think ... Does he _know_?" "If you mean to ask whether I've told him: No, I haven't. If you want to know what I'm thinking: Yah, _definitely_.” Steve frowned. "And we are said to be complicated," he growled. “What am I supposed to make out of this remark?” “Why don't you tell him? I am sure he would be willing to deal with the matter again. _with_ you. The two of you only needed some distance, time and space and you've had it by now! You would have it so much easier if..." Steve fell silent at an event he hadn't witnessed since his brother had outgrown early childhood: Loki had burst into tears!

*

Tony Stark was numb, his whole body aching and insides screaming, but he did what he could muster to hold the man who loved his son and whom's greatest happiness he was upright until the worst of the painful sobs of his outbreak subsided. When Will looked up, he looked like the shadow of a deeply tortured soul. "My boy, we have to fix this." "I made a terrible mistake." "We can correct it." "I just realized Loki actually wished for me trying to change his mind!" “You can still do so.” “There was just this pact, this cursed pact he had made in his darkest hour.” “Desperate people take desperate measures.” “He fears he will seal Thor's fate if he's taking back his sacrifice. I had the back door from this pact within my reach! I would have just..." He looked at Tony with pleading eyes to take it from him to say it out loud. "The sacrifice could have just refused to be sacrificed, you're right." William broke into sobs of desperation again, weeping bitterly in the arms of his ... _father-in-law_? he almost dared to think.

"Forgive me ..." he breathed after an eternity. “I have nothing to forgive you, my dear boy. You make me very happy. I understood each word of your letter - well, this would be an exaggeration, but I got the core message. But you had to figure out yourself. I just had to help out a little. I'm glad I came.” “Me too.” “Of course I'm taking you to Loki.” “He...” William fell silent. "He'll still want you, be assured." "How can you be sure?" "I can brag about the unfortunate certainty I'm nowhere the closest to him in this family, but ... I have at the same time the honor of being most _like_ him of all of us and I can understand aspects of his being better than those he's preferring over me. When I see my son feel deep and earnest love, sincere and immortal love, then I'm not mistaken." Will frowned. Tony looked into the distance, a lonely tear rolling down his cheek. William leaned forward and smiled encouragingly:

“Loki is sometimes afraid of being understood. It makes him vulnerable. And that resemblance to you in certain ways makes him think he might disappoint you because he is so dissimilar to you in so many other ways making you a widely respected and loved person.” Tony stared at the younger man. “Did he tell you this?” Will snorted, “He didn't have to. My understanding never frightened him – any no more than Thor's at that. But that ends this list of people who are allowed to understand him. We're _not_ like him, so Loki isn't in danger to be a bad, defective copy of one of us - but with you...” “ _Defective_ copy?” Tony blurted in horror, “Oh God ... I swear to you, In my whole live there was no single day I was disappointed in Loki. You have to believe me!” “I believe you. There's none other father who is as devoted to his children, accompanying them so lovingly and wisely as you.” “And yet this happened to Loki”, he replied sadly. "And that's not your fault in the least." And Tony Stark suddenly knew Will was right.

“Come to Arizona with me. And pack some sunblock.” William swallowed. “I know you're scared. Maybe it's comforting you: I'm scared too. I'm going to tell my son how proud he's making me and have to fear he won't want to hear it anymore. He's doing superhuman things since Thor has been in this clinic. He's done more in those dark weeks than I've done in half my life. And I may have to listen to the justified accusation I haven't told him more often. I'm scared too, William, but we - you and me - can encourage each other, don't you think so?” Will gave an agreeing nod holding out his hand as if to seal a deal. The older one grinned: “What's that supposed to be? Fucking Englishman..." with that he hugged him tightly, "Jesus, I'm glad I'm not the only dwarf in the family anymore." Will chuckled. He and Tony Stark were the same height (Peter had grown a little and was one and a half proud inches taller than his father now!)

*

Steve was frozen but gave himself a brave jerk. After all, in his long life with Bucky he was used to the sight of a man crying, wasn't he? And from that he had learned a crying person is a crying person. Man, woman, child, it didn't matter. And Loki was crying and he was human and he, Steven Stark, was his _fucking_ big brother! Resolutely he sat down next to him and wordlessly pulled him to his broad chest, embraced the lean body of his brother in his strong arms muttering senseless words in a soothing tone. Loki's sobs subsided only slowly and finally they stopped. He did not elude Steve's embrace - it reminded him of Thor just by the sheer body mass - but also the warmth and the honest feeling of Steve's embrace, expressed with deep caring, enveloped him like a cozy wool blanket on a cold winter evening. It loosened Loki's tongue, the lies on which he had almost been choking, and he broke out into a comprehensive confession.

“I've lied to everyone, Steve! All of you! I've lied to you all of you and I don't know what to do about, don't know what to do in my misery and I'm _missing_ Will so much! I love him and want him back, but I can't risk it, it would snatch Thor away from me and I've made mistakes - so many mistakes - I can never make amends and if Thor ever finds out about it ... well, if he does learn about it, it will shake him and rob him of all strength. Now that he needs all of it so badly. I did everything wrong. My life is in ruins and a total failure. I am a mistake, a defect in evolution, and Darwin's laws would have done a good thing in sorting me out before I was more than a bunch of defective cells. I'm the worst...“ It had taken Steve a long moment to follow the dramatic turn of events, lagged a little behind the wild self-accusations until something rang a tiny alarm bell in him. What was that? _A defect in evolution? I beg your pardon!_ Be sorted out in good time? That reminded him of: _... better been hospital waste with all the other unwanted babies ..._ "Stop it!" He cried out desperately in the most authoritarian of all his voices. Loki startled and fell silent. _Phew_

Steve pushed him away a little, but only just enough so he could look at him. "Loki, you ... _silly!_ Sorted out? We would have missed you terribly, all of us! And you don't have to tell me this statement's lacking any logic, because we didn't even know there was something to be missed. But let's face it, Mom and Dad would have definitely carried on. Only two kids? Pfff, pathetic, something for weaklings! And in the end we would have got a boring philistine brother who already at the age of 14 is dreaming to be an accountant and you can imagine how we would have found him! Again and again we would have secretly poked at him and said: 'For he'd just be a little more interesting and not so horribly and drearily normal. Not that we don't love him, he's our brother, but, well, _meh_ , it's not easy.'" Steve held his breath. Loki looked at him with huge, wet eyes, his lips slightly parted - deeply astonished. And when he suddenly had to laugh, freely and honestly, Steve knew he had won - he had done something right. With Loki, his least closest brother!

He was so happy!

And Loki started all over again, confessing to Steve what was actually behind 'We need some time and distance, so we broke up - for a while'. He listened attentively, rarely interrupted to ask questions and expressed nothing but sympathy and understanding – but yes, one thing: brotherly love ...

"And what are we doing now?" "What do you mean?" Loki looked at his big brother, 'we-have-to-do-something-Steve', a little scared. "We have to get you and Will back together." "I don't think he ..." "He still wants you." Steve interrupted him firmly. “What makes you so sure?” “You are a fascinating wonder, mystery and enigma of human being, little brother, and he is the only person in the world able to decipher it. How could he not want you anymore?” Loki was speechless.

*

(On the plane to Arizona, shortly before takeoff)

"I recommend to inform Mrs. O'Mara of your departure, not that international authorities are brought in for cross-state kidnapping," Tony said casually. William chuckled. “She's scary, isn't she?” “Oh, I can handle it. I'm familiar with the type of woman.” Will laughed softly. He was already texting.

" _I'm going to Arizona, keep your fingers crossed for me._ "

“ _William Arthur Harrington, you are crazy and I hate you and William Arthur Harrington, you are crazy and I love you. You know that you just had to get rid of your peculiarity - this homosexuality - and you could have married me! But no, you have to run after your dream prince. See where it takes you crazy man. My hottest guess would be: into the arms of another crazy man. It's your own fault, both of you. Wait a minute. Didn't Mr Stark tell us his eldest son, splendid fellow Steven Stark, is in Arizona right now, and quite alone at that? Why aren't you taking me with you? I hate you._ "

Will had to laugh until tears were rolling down his cheeks. Malicious, incredible, wonderful Liz ...


	133. Is he Stronger than he's Looking?

**" _Is_ he Stronger than he's Looking?"**

“Look at your daughter with the trophy!”, The text message with an attached picture from his mother-in-law reached Bucky as he entered some data into the system in Barnes' Motor Barn. The 'twin' of the message had gone to Steve, he noticed. He opened the picture and grinned broadly. Morgan had fought for that trophy, it was plain to see. She had a purple scratch on her forehead, dirt on her cheek and her camp jersey was covered with grass stains. Bucky hadn't flinched in a long time when Morgan got a scratch. It was everyday life with the little rascal.

(The trial lesson at Pietro's ballet school, for example, which Aunt Natasha had given her for Christmas, hadn't been to her taste. The practice leotard with mini tutu Bucky had bought for her and the funny bun with the pearl net around it he did her hair in, she thought both of those were cute, but the boring feet-twisting stuff, as she had called it, convinced her in the first quarter of an hour that ballet was something for sleepyheads. When Bucky picked her up, she whizzed in the little garden of the school - there was a fish pond! Her papa wanted to talk to Pietro for some minute. "And what does the maestro say?" Pietro raised an eyebrow. "Morgan was best dressed of all the little girls but least talented.” “Oh man!", laughed Bucky, "you know how to metaphorical punch a father! Are you so blunt to all parents?” “Only if I've known them for more than 20 years. But Bucky, since I have known _you_ for more than 20 years, I thought, with my remark about her outfit I would make you happy. Looks like your style. Morgan would probably have come in jeans and rubber boots if unadvised."

Bucky grinned crookedly. “I would have guessed you to understand me. The possibilities with girls' clothes are almost unlimited! It's a lot of fun!” Pietro pursed his lips. "You'd look fantastic in spandex, just have a little courage." "Stop it!" He snorted in amusement, but his cheeks had turned a little pink. The Russian smirked. Bucky changed the subject: “How do you like being a father?” “Exceptionally well. Carol is not as well dressed as Morgan, but the best dancer in her age group.” Bucky looked hurt. "Well, listen m ..." he was interrupted. “Calm down, superdaddy. Your daughter has a lot of talents, but ballet is not one of them. I bet Carol isn't able to hit a football, even if it's right in front of her. I've only wanted to tease you a little.” He was reconciled, but sighed: “Will you ever stop doing that?” Pietro smiled sweetly: “Probably not.” Bucky rolled his eyes, called Morgan and they went. The heck with Pietro!)

*

Tony and William checked in a hotel in Tuscon and the former advised the younger man to take a rest, which made Will laugh. "What? This is probably the first time in your life you are doing a completely rash and exhausting action, while I was forced to be spontaneous and drastic every now and then in life. I'll have to tell you about the spy-worthy effort I had once put into getting Bucky to open the door for me at two o'clock in the morning." Will laughed and said, "I probably would have just rang the bell." Tony joined in the laugh . "If that time in Steve and Bucky's life had been a facebook status, 'It's Complicated' would have fitted in nicely." "What I've been told this applies to several stages of their lives," he said dryly. Tony chuckled: "With Loki you also fit in quite well with this group of people making their love relationships unnecessarily complicated." Will looked guilty. “I'll tell you a secret: I was one of them a long time ago. And Steve and Bucky found out about it too. You two are next.” Will went to his room and tried to rest and recharge his batteries. Seeing Loki again ... his heart was beating a heavy metal rhythm just thinking about him!

Their last meeting ... how devoutly Loki had loved him! A violent blush spread hot over his torso. His hands, his mouth, his lips, his tongue, his ... His whole body, all of him, had been all over, on and in Will's body, lighting a fire no man could awake in another person, if them doesn't ... Yes, Loki _loved_ him. And he loved him so much he wouldn't be able to let go of him - not really and seriously and permanently …

_Oh Loki! I love you just as much. So burning and consuming and infinite and I will convince you that I do not want to and will not be your sacrifice! I will convince the gods themselves, I will negotiate so fervently and stand up to them! Do you hear me, gods? I will not allow myself to be made the pawn of your cruelty! Not when so much is at stake. And Loki Stark is so much. Is everything and more. His beauty, his heavenly face and his lustrously beautiful soul, his brilliance, his uniqueness, the wonder that he is. Test me you gods. Give it a try and I'll rejoice in my triumph! I won't let you snatch him away from me a second time. I will never let you do this again - ever._ (William Harrington's monologues weren't bad either.)

*

“Sleep over it and you'll know what to do tomorrow. You could send a mail, to start with.” Loki and Steve had been deliberating (discussing) for a while. Steve was too brash with his suggestions, while Steve found Loki's ideas too subtle. ("Will understands 'subtle', unlike you!" - "But he has been hurt and he could take 'subtle' to be pity!" - They weren't very compatible in discussions, but both tried hard.) Loki shouted in frustration : "Steve, there is no way I can sound like you when I'm writing to him!" Steve didn't banish the hurt look on his face quickly enough. “Oh, I .. _. Steve_...” “What do you think I sound like expressing my feelings?” “Come on, don't be offended. You certainly know what I mean.” “No, I don't. How would I?” He was a bit shocked at himself, his grumpy tone. His younger brother looked at him in surprise. "Do you care how I think about this?"

Steve stared at him, clearing his throat, and sat up straight. "Well, I'm definitely not a foolish, awkward, stammering idiot. It just so happens that my husband, who has never complained, is - how do they call him? - Probably the most beautiful man on the east coast.“, Steve grinned diabolically at Loki, he glared back. William's enthusiastic way of talking about Bucky at times had never been his favorite moments ... "No wonder you're such a popular teacher - in _high school._ You speak their language: 'My bae has such a beautiful car! - My bae has nice hair for that!'" Steve chuckled. “My bae has a nice car _and_ nice hair.” Loki had to laugh: “You think a lot about your bae.” “My bae is Bucky after all.” “I hardly ever thought I'd tell you that: You're cute the way you are big, big brother." Steve smiled contentedly.

*

Tony was in his hotel room. The StarkBook was already ready on the small desk. He had to call Pepper. She must have had a fun day at Morgan's soccer camp and sent him a few pictures. He wouldn't have to tell her where he was right away, of course - but such insincerity wasn't something he allowed himself to do in his marriage ... "Hey, Pep!" “I haven't expected a call from you anymore, has it gotten late at SI?” He looked at his watch. In New York it was almost eleven! It was only eight for him, but he had been on his feet for 16 hours and probably sounded like it was eleven o'clock. He was suddenly very tired. The tingling sensation of adventure had left his body and now he felt very clearly his 70th birthday was not far away. Where had the years gone so quickly? “I ... wasn't in SI. I miss you, honey."

That was the truth. With the tiredness came back the grief. His grief and worry: Thor was only a good mile away in a hospital bed and was fighting for his precious life. And he? An old man who flies back and forth across the continent without telling his wife. "Aren't you all right, darling?" The concern in her voice gave him a stitch. Well, he wasn't fine. He was in good health, this wasn't the point. In fact, he was annoyed at how healthy he was. If he only thought that ... "I'm fine, that's it." There was a short silence. "Tony ...", her voice was soft, "what's going on, darling?" He took a deep breath: "I'm in Tuscon." Immediately he knew he had done the wrong thing, because Pepper's horrified shriek was ear-piercing. "Why? Tony, is something ...? Is he worse? Why haven't...?" He interrupted her quickly:

"Honey! I'm not here for Thor. Everything is ... well", he sighed, "with Thor everything is unchanged. I couldn't see him anymore - obviously around this time - but I've texted with Steve.” “I don't understand...” “I'm not alone here either.” “Well, I know: Loki and Steve are also there. Kind of crazy only Bucky being in New York of all of us at the moment.” He sighed again: "Peter is in New York, too." “He should be in Boston! Anthony Edward Stark, what's going on with you crazy men?” She hadn't called him that for years, he smiled wistfully. "Oh, I guess I'm in trouble." He sounded a bit more like himself again. "Pete has to represent me at SI because I ... well, have to fix something." "What in the world do you mean by that?” She didn't sound impatient yet and he hadn't gathered enough courage yet. He needed an idea very quickly! - and there it was:

"Honey, Loki's working himself into the ground." "Oh, good you're mentioning it. I've wanted to talk to you about it. I tell him again and again, he does not allow himself to be dissuaded an inch from his self-imposed workload. He hasn't rested in New York either, I know! He worked 12 hours a day with his crew and his ensemble, and who knows how much longer alone in the night to prepare 'The Divine Comedy' for the season. I know because ... Well, I just do know.” Tony didn't ask. It was unlikely Loki had told his mother, he was certainly aware of the overexploitation of his strength and it would not occur to him to confess to her. Especially when she had told him several times that he had to take care of himself more. Well, Pepper probably had reliable 'sources'. Tony didn't have to know about that - he didn't have to know everything ...

“I'm worried, Pep. What if he overlooks the point of no return in his maelstrom of sense of duty and the responsibility he has imposed on himself?” “Which point of no return are you talking about? Do you think he might break down? That is of course possible, but also nothing - his words - from which a person at his age would not recover. Other words were, 'I'm stronger than I'm looking, mother.'” “Yes," sighed Tony," but ... _is_ he stronger than he's looking?” “Well, I think he can judge himself well. That was just one of his sarcastic remarks, not worth worrying about, I've just wanted to mention. Do you have a different opinion?” He couldn't talk about it anymore. Why did life keep giving people such difficult tasks? And he was the one who always had to have all the answers. Was that really him? Well, sometimes he felt like he had to ... But on the phone?

“Can we switch to video?” She giggled, “Tony, I really hope you don't have anything indecent on your mind. I'm in a soccer camp and I'm wearing the most comfortable things my closet has to offer. This also includes my 'grandma underwear'. Well, I am a grandma.” She laughed. Thor had already addressed the entire family weeks ago about one thing that was close to his heart: the mood of the grave was frowned upon and nothing he wanted to have to endure. And of course the boy was right. Nobody was helped – Thor least of all if nobody was joking or laughing anymore... Grinning, he joked: "You're not _my_ grandma." "Start the video chat, grandpa." She knew he definitely wasn't up to anything indecent - certainly not when they were talking about things like a threatening breakdown of one of their children.

“So?” “I miss you.” “Tony, you're an incorrigible romantic, but I like it! Unfortunately, I have to admit, I don't miss you that much - a soccer camp like this is great! Morgan is completely in love with her trainer and supervisor. Well, and I can tell you, if Bucky was here ... he'd be totally in love with her trainer too. A picture of a fellow with the face of a boy scout. And that means ...” - “Steve!” They called out together and laughed a little. "That girls always fall in love with men who remind them of their fathers." "Well, in this case it's no wonder!" She giggled. “You have to send me a picture of the boy wonder.” “Oh, no, I don't have to. I sent one to Bucky, he totally agrees with me!” “I can't believe my wife and our son-in-law are exchanging drooling contempt via WhatsApp.” “A give and take, as it I ought to be in a family.” “You are my early grave, the whole gang that you are.” That was also a remark of the kind no Stark or anyone close to them would have been allowed the first few weeks after the news about Thor.

Her smile got smaller but much softer: “Darling, you look tired. But not 'I had a long flight' - tired, but 'I'm a little depressed' – tired.” “When I said I wasn't alone here, I didn't mean Steve and Loki. There's someone else with me... " She looked at him a little blankly, then her features brightened up: "You took Peter Quill with you again! That's a great idea, darling. The boy always makes him laugh!" Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Sometimes - it seemed to him - people didn't want to understand him. _Yes, I know, admittedly, I'm a genius, but I also have my very human moments and wish that not everyone just relied on my brain._ He was immediately ashamed.

" _William!_ ", He stopped the flow of his wife, who was chatting about a prank of Thor's and Peter Quill's. She fell silent and gave him a huge-eyed glance. "I've come here with Will." "Oh ...", she said, "yes that makes sense, now that ... after all, you've wanted to talk about Loki.", Her features took on a certain harshness and strictly she stated: "It's good someone finally tackles it telling William where his place is and where he is needed." "Pep ..." he sighed. "It ... we don't know everything about this story - that is, I know a lot more about it now than I did a week ago." “ “Has Loki told you something he has kept quiet so far?” He saw that the possibility was hurting her. “Are you very tired, sweetheart?” “You ungracious man!”, She laughed, “sorry for not lighting candles for the video chat and not powdering my nose. You don't look like the fresh morning either. Tony, you urgently need a few hours' sleep. We can talk again after.” “You are right. I've also asked because if you were still alert enough I had something for you to read. It's informative, but not a light reading at all.” “I can try, I'm not very tired yet - our granddaughter doesn't chase me around all day, but boy wonder scout Ben.” Tony chuckled shaking his head lovingly.

“Who named him like that, you or Bucky?” She smiled mischievously and gave a wink: “Bucky. But there is absolutely no reason to have him confirm this to you.” “You she-devil. You're tainting the boy. “It didn't take me for that,” she replied dryly. Tony laughed. Bucky had loosened quite a bit since the distant Christmas party he'd first attended as Steve's boyfriend. The time when he blushed faster than a pedestrian light when switching. “I'll send it to you right away and go to sleep after. When I've had a good night's sleep, I'm calling you.” “I don't want a call at five o'clock in the morning.” “Don't worry, I know you and don't want to start the day with wild curses falling over me.” She clicked her tongue. “Have a good rest, darling. Good night.” “G'night, Pep - and no more drooling over pictures tonight, do you hear me?” She giggled and hung up.

*

Steve and Loki had chatted for almost half an hour, but didn't broach a difficult topic again. When they parted for the night, Loki urged Steve not to say a word to Thor about the whole thing. Steve looked at him puzzled and also a little offended: "I know, I'm a chatterbox, but that you think you have to tell me ... _Really?_ " "My dear big brother, who is so easily offended, let me please get to know you, the Steven, who is new to me, a little better, then remarks like this will be lost quickly.” “Easily offended, yes? Pff ...” But he laughed good-naturedly. In bed he realized it was unfortunately too late to call Bucky - darn time difference. After all, Loki hadn't forbidden him to tell his husband and he was dying to tell him how he had coped with the situation and Loki. He would be proud of him.

Bucky slept the sleep of the intoxicated after an excursion into deep guilt, which had gotten so rare he had almost forgotten how terrible it felt ... It had started like this:

"Hey Scott? What's up?” “Am I bothering you?" Bucky laughed: “Only at work.” “We have to prepare for the new season. The first games are in September. We could start training in the last two weeks, at least with the kids who are no longer on vacation. When is Morgan coming?” “Tomorrow. Today was the final tournament, unfortunately I couldn't be there. My mother-in-law is there and after dismantling all them tents she will bring her back to New York. Her team was first, by the way.” “I am surprised you haven't told me this first,” Scott laughed good-naturedly. "Wh-what?", Bucky snorted in played indignation, "I'm an extremely humble person and father who doesn't always hold onto the buttons of people's shirts to tell them how great, fantastic and talented my own child is - especially compared to all other children around the world. Not me.” “Well dressed, you've forgotten.” Scott said dryly. He laughed again: "That above all."

"I still don't get over the fact, you got a place in the camp for her that late, fucking millionaires!" "It had nothing to do with that, more like ...you can keep a secret, can't you? If Steve finds out, he'll report me.” “ _What?_ ” Scott snorted. “I signed her up for the waiting list. At those camps there are always some kids who quit going.” “Yes, what? As late as you were there must have been dozens of children atop Morgan on that list.” “Well, they _were_.” “Bucky ... _no_.” “Yes. It was easy as cake. The organizers need someone capable in the IT department.” “Apply for the job. With before / after screenshots of the waiting list, they get you involved right away.” “Guess so. Firstly, I'm no longer this vain taking screenshots of my little pranks anymore and secondly, if I had wanted to become an IT person, I would have done it right away - boring. At least if you are not allowed to use what you can do."

"And does Steve not agree if you ... doing a prank?" "I was cheating a bit. If Steve finds out what I can really do, he'll do away with all modern means of communication and I can't allow him to embarrass himself in front of his students with matrices and blueprints.” “What? I don't understand a word.” “Steve's scared of me and my pranks. Well, _maybe_ I once sent him a little bug - just for fun. In any case, he didn't find it fun not being able to type words like 'and', 'there', 'as' and 'explain' when he wasn't alone.” “Why not?” Bucky giggled at the memory. “Every time he keyed in one of the words, well, something happened. An easy code - comparatively. And he couldn't go to anyone for help.” “Why is that?” “What always happened was not completely suitable for young people, and you could at least recognize one of the people in the 'material'. "

Scott burst out laughing after a brief pause. “You _are_ a devil!” “Yeah, I don't know what Steve's problem was either. Usually he likes the devil in me quite well. The end of it all was he had to ask me to correct the error in his - ' _This is my work computer, Buck, seriously?_ ' - StarkBook. And he doesn't like to do that, precisely because he always claims knowings a lot more about computers and technology than I think and that I mustn't always tease him like that.” “And have you fooled him again at one time?" Bucky laughed out loud: “Steve's never opened an email with an attachment from me again. The innocent baby doesn't have the faintest idea you can attach a bug to any image file - even in WhatsApp. And if he finds out about said camp list, he may become suspicious. Thinking maybe he only knows the tip of the iceberg. _My_ iceberg. "

They arranged to meet in a bar at night to plan the new season for their soccer team - 'Emerald Kids' Soccs'. The name wasn't original to be honest, but they owed the homage to their old high school team of the good old days, Team Soccs rocks! They made good progress planning the season. “We put Morgan in the front right when Louise is in good shape. Your daughter gives the best scoring assists. Otherwise she will of course play on the front center.” Bucky smiled contentedly. Morgan didn't play in the same position as her father - she was by nature an offensive player. Cassie Lang was in the goal, and so it was easy for both men to acknowledge the talent of the other's daughter without rivalry. “Killian in midfield?” “Defensive six?” “Yes. And Marcus as a hanging nine in front of Emily.” “Emily as an offensive six? She lets take the ball from her too easily.” “Yes, but with Alex in the front left and her, there are always good one-two passes. They practice together so often.“ The eight-year-old twins were crazy about football and practiced every day in the garden at home.

"Mr. Wilkes sent an e-mail. It wasn't very friendly, but we can't ignore it either.” Scott looked thoughtfully at Bucky. 'Not very friendly' meant insulting, yet too subtle, allusions to Bucky's sexuality. Too subtle to indicate, or even to speak your mind. "What does the homophobic busybody want?" “What do you think? His son, who has the responsiveness of a starfish but unfortunately does not compensate for it with a starfish's five arms, has to go into the goal more often. And he's right somewhat. Tim is the one from the second team, who is used the least on the first team.” “We can use him against some of the weaker teams. They are not a challenge for Cassie, she can cope with that.” “She's a real champ!” Their food came just as the season briefing was over. They chatted a bit about work, but neither of them understood the slightest bit about the other's job, so they talked for a long time about the upcoming football season in Europe. And about the last one and about a legendary one five years ago. Soccer fans …

In a break in the conversation Scott said: "I think about Jane a lot, this terrible thing doesn't let you go, how is Thor?" It was as if Bucky had been hit by a punch to his guts. He hadn't even thought of Thor all day and he was very ashamed. Then he wondered for a moment if he had thought of him the day before, and it occurred to him he had thought of Thor, but only when he called Steve - who _was_ in Arizona. He thought of Thor, of course, sometimes and always with great concern, but ... He gave himself a jerk. His friend gave him a strange look. "So bad? If I had known ... Sorry man. You look terribly worried.” “Yes ... ", Bucky sighed absently, grabbed his beer and emptied the remaining third in one gulp. "We don't have to ..." "He's bad, but he's been doing so all the time. An improvement was not to be expected so quickly. But it hasn't gotten any more threatening either. Steve is with him right now and Loki - Loki is almost always with him, Peter was there and my in-laws fly down regularly." Scott just gave an sympathetic nod.

Everyone was regularly with Thor - except he wasn't, but for the one time at the very beginning ... "I'm a terrible person ..." he whispered. "What was that? Man, is the music loud in here." Bucky looked at Scott: "I'm a terrible person.” “Have you hacked into something again since our phone call up to now?", Scott laughed, "In Steve's school account?" The remark didn't have the desired effect. Bucky looked even worse! His friend frowned: “Bucky, are you not okay?” “On the contrary. I'm fine, everyone else is not fine, but I'm living off the fat in the land. A life full of fun and laughter, isn't he like that, good old Bucky?” His expression didn't match the - _nonsense_ , Scott would call it - the nonsense he was talking.

“Maybe you will start over? I'm not getting anything.” “I've been in Steve's school account for a long time. I just haven't looked in for years.” Now it was out. Something he'd never told anyone before and something he wasn't proud of. He had done that, of course, when he lived above the workshop; the evening after Julia Walter's 'friendly' visit. For some days (some _many_ days) he had been reading everything Steve and the woman had sent each other with only finding professional context. And what he'd told Scott was true. He hadn't looked in years ... But still. Scott waved for the waitress after Bucky's 'confession' to order some more beer. Each took a deep swig. The trainer colleague and friend had had some time to think. “Listen, everyone who has been cheated on by their partner does so. Those who say they don't, are lying. They also at least look at the start screen for notifications. What I mean by this, don't make it such a big deal. If it's bothering you, tell him. Tell him you haven't been doing this for a long time, but still recommend him changing his password. So he can decide for himself if he's trusting. The less complicated you deal with it, the smaller it gets - also in your own eyes."

Bucky was already one step further: “When you asked how Thor was doing, I noticed I haven't even once thought of him all day. I'm living my life here as if nothing has happened and the whole family is constantly worried and taking care of him. Everyone's down in Arizona a lot of time, helping out where they can and I ... I …" When he was sure his friend wouldn't go on, Scott stated, deliberately casually. "You're working." Bucky knitted his eyebrows. “I don't mean that in any way disrespectful to anyone. But look at Steve: he's got summer holidays - the little one too and Loki? He is a freelance artist. Your in-laws are basically retired and they are ... _his parents!” “_ I don't have to be in New York myself obligatory. I can hire someone who...” He was cut off.

“Bucky. You are in the same situation as millions of people with seriously ill family members. You have to pay the rent for your shop, the wages of your employees, insurance, taxes and who-knows-what-else. I am a scientist, not a businessman. And you have in common with those millions of people having to work, to function, and everyone who feels this way is not thinking of the sick person 24/7. You mustn't be so hard on yourself. You are sincerely saddened and worried, it cannot be overlooked. What more could you do? There are enough people for all that needs to be done. If I was Thor, it would probably be too much for me. But that's presumptuous. After all, I am not in his situation and I don't know him very well. But if it's nagging you, go, ask him! I'm sure he's telling you it's okay to keep living. After all, who wants to be the trigger for general family misery?"

Bucky thought about it, chewed a little on them thoughts, and found Scott to be right. With both. Though he never looked at Steve's cell phone. Was Steve ever doing so...? But certainly not anymore. He had gotten rid of his jealous streak - thank God. But maybe ... well, so what? He would hardly look into Bucky's chats with Pepper Stark - and find out the two of them were constantly swapping pictures of handsome men ... Pff, would do him right for his curiosity! He would confess about the school account, and he would ask Thor if he thought Bucky was taking too little interest. He looked up. “Thank you, Scott. You're a good friend." He gave a crooked grin:" To that a 'Team Soccs rocks!'.”" Bucky had joined in halfway waving for the waitress ...

His former therapist Amanda Harper 'allowed' discharged patients, e-mailing her in an emergency - an expected service at an hourly rate of $ 300. Bucky wrote her about his "fit of guilt" and how he intended to deal with it. Her return mail two days later was as following:

_"Dear Mr. Barnes,_

_In my job it is a good sign not to hear from anyone for a long time. When I found your name in my mailbox, I was ... well, you know what a hard-to-get-to man you are. You had to expect this to happen to you again. It's part of your personality and that part isn't bad either, it belongs to you and is fine. It defines you together with many other things and you have to think of the people you love, to whom you mean something. They do so with knowing who and how you are._

_What you were able to take with you from our time together and have also done is: You can better understand and deal with your feelings of guilt and reflect on them, working with them. I think your strategy is good. If you've followed up, please let me know. I will send your reward to your postal address. Any wishes for the design? If not, I will choose and hope it will make you laugh._

_I sincerely feel sorry for your brother-in-law, and please be assured of my sympathy and condolences to the whole family. They all seemed to me like really wonderful people in your stories. And those wonderful people do love you, Bucky, don't forget. There is certainly a reason for it._

_All the best for you._

_Amanda Harper "_

*

Pepper read the letter - William's letter - three times. The fact she was reading a letter not addressed at her did not cause her any trouble - after all, Will had to know she would find out about it. She was deeply moved by the strong emotions William Harrington was expressing therein. And also from the eloquent, painful content which was leaving her speechless. Her initial skepticism with each minute gave way to compassion, amazement, emotion, and self-awareness. Pepper Potts-Stark was no less relentless with herself than with any other person and became more and more ashamed. With what splendid brilliance William Harrington described her enigmatic son, expressing his love and care with every word, it was a work of art, and indeed one, in her opinion, on a par with the great works of world literature. But it was actually even better: it wasn't fiction. It was _real._ It was all real. No one - not in a million years - would ever love Loki like this man again! And he was not reproachful with the mistaken beloved. No, he was deeply worried about him and feared for Loki's ... Loki's _what?_ She thought for a moment and started the letter all over again, paying attention to this question.

At two o'clock in the morning, the feelings the letter had awakened in her were joined by fear, massive fear. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She would love to fly to Arizona right away - oh _what,_ she would run as fast as she could by feet, step by step closer to her baby, to hold him in her arms, and embrace her little wonderful vulnerable big boy tightly in her arms; hold him and tell him that no one - no one in the whole world was to blame for Thor's illness. He who loved him more than his own life - who gave up his happiness for the small chance to receive the most precious thing there was for him, to be able to preserve: his brother's life ... He was least of all to blame. ..


	134. Family Knows no Distance

**Family Knows no Distance**

The next morning no one was suspecting the new visitors to the city. Jane had been gone a long time with Erik and Fandral and had dropped the older one off at school. She took his little brother to the observatory, where he went to nursery school. Steve was with Thor while Loki stayed in the apartment with Hela. Tony had his 'partner-in-crime' - the initiated Peter (who despite all the rumors was able to keep something secret when important!) - to find out today's 'occupancy plan'. That was a masterly success - he just had to text the chatty Steve, who always liked to tell everything without questioning too much ... Jane was the only person Tony had to bring on board for his plan to talk to Loki alone. And he hesitated. There was no question of whom she was loyal to: Thor (of course), their children (also of course) and he guessed right Loki was next on her list (and he wasn’t far behind her man and kids). She and the brother-in-law had deepened their bond of friendship in the struggle for Thor's life, and he was like a brother to her. On the other hand, Tony would be able to count on her help when it came to alleviating Loki's misery - even ending it.

But he couldn't know. Couldn't know how often Loki and Jane were having personal conversations and what he was revealing of his inner self in the process. Was he more honest with her than with them, his parents? What if Jane knew what his motivation was and he had convinced her the only way to save her beloved man was through Loki's 'pact'? Jane was a scientist - but Loki was very persuasive and she was emotionally weakened - under a great pressure. People often clung to the most absurd hopes! But he had no other choice. The night before he had gone to bed after the phone call with Pepper (nine o'clock!) he had been sleeping up to five. Of course, he didn't call Pepper at five, but used the time to make a plan. He was done quickly with this. But the factor 'Jane', which playing a decisive role in his intention, was unpredictable. Tony and his daughter-in-law, who was relatively strange to him, always had a lot to tell each other, of course - but seldomly personal matters, and if so, it was about the children. Jane and Pepper had a friendly relationship, but the young woman also had a fair amount of respect for her, and she may have acted deliberately nice and easy-going at times. All around she was difficult to estimate.

And if Loki, which was the case, had had weeks to let his persuasive power and his superior cool charm work on her - paired with the deep gratitude she had to feel for him for the support he was... How on earth would he, Tony, get her to hoodwink Loki a little? Well, he was also quite convincing himself. And he was also charming and eloquent - all talents Loki had in particular (inherited? - probably too). He didn't want to compete with his son, why would he? He just wanted to get a woman to play on his team. Perhaps if his plan fails, he could offer her a free punch or free kick to his shin? He had to smile at himself. Sometimes he was such an idiot ... He just had to try. So around seven he took a rental car to go to the observatory. He wasn't as effective on the phone as he was in person ...

*

William woke up around eight. He had lain awake for hours in the night knowing that Loki wasn't far. For three and a half years, the nights they did not spend under the same roof, they had always been thousands of miles apart. Knowing him so close and yet so far made him tingle. He read old emails, newer emails and chat room conversations for hours and looked at hundreds of pictures ... Loki was beautiful - in such an unusual way that ... He sighed and then smiled. How reluctant the lover always reacted when he told him:

“ _Tell me, what superhuman things have I done to deserve good bone structure and clean skin? What? We have to communicate it to the world so everyone can emulate my role model and all people finally will be beautiful._ "

“ _What is the beauty of the face? How ugly are so many admirers in the mirror they hold up to themselves? The mirror showing the depravity of a vain spirit._ "

“ _You are blinded by a tender night. How much objectivity can one expect from someone who is still bathing in a sea of endorphins?_ "

Williams' personal favorite was: “ _If beauty were measured by deeds, by inner goodness and kindness, by the lovely spirit of the truly innocent, you, William Arthur Harrington, would bring traffic to a standstill in every city, at every intersection, my innocent darling. Also: are you fishing for compliments? All right: you are an attractive man. Otherwise they printed many more pictures of us in the gossip press. They would have a lot more fun if you were ugly. Don't be so silly, or I'll replace you over-romanticized teen with an accountant._ ” He had to laugh at that until he choked. The coughing fit that followed was commented: “ _Serves you right: you choking. Accountants are still in the yellow pages, aren't they?_ ” (That didn't stop the fit of laughing and coughing either.)

Will lay awake for a long time ... He sent a message to Tony Stark: “Since this whole action was your idea, I guess you've got a plan. I just don't know what to do ...? "

“The plan is in the works. You relax and spare your nerves. Read a good book. Or rather a bad one. After all, good books stimulate you so much. Well, bad ones get you upset ... Read a mediocre book! I'll get in touch.“ Will rolled his eyes and closed them again - he could still be dreaming a little ...

*

Jane talked for some minute with Fandral's nursery school teacher. She and Loki kept regular personal contact with her and also with Erik's teacher. The situation, which they tried with all means to make for the children as easy and comfortable as possible, still had to burden them. But Rebecca, fervently adored by Fandral, had almost only good things to say. They also got mostly good feedback from Erik's teacher. The boys clearly inherited Thor's good spirits and unwavering optimism. She hurried to her rooms in the other wing and stood frozen on the threshold. "Tony!" She uttered in surprise. He nonchalantly replied "Good morning Jane."

*

Thor's good spirits and unwavering optimism were put to the test. Steve had been politely asked out of the room on the morning round and Thor's attending senior physician told him privately that his blood tests implied malnutrition. It wasn't a miracle. He had been keeping little to himself for a long time, had difficulty swallowing, and had a bad appetite. He had lost an alarming amount of weight, his sheer body mass still belied it, but his muscle mass was rapidly declining thanks to non-exertion and his doctor feared the overexploitation chemotherapy was doing on his body would leave permanent damage to his bones and teeth. So he decided to surgically place an artificial feeding port in his stomach to bypass the obstacle-rich path from Thor's plate to the nutrient-consuming organs. For Thor this was one of many measures, all of which made him more and more from a fighter against the disease to a sick person who would soon have no more strength for the fight. He shed a few silent tears and agreed. The surgery was scheduled for the early evening - the operation was easy and would only take a good quarter of an hour. But Thor had already eaten a little of his breakfast (and even kept it in his stomach), so they had to wait until he was sober again ...

*

Loki leafed through picture books with Hela. He told her in different voices what was happening on the pages and she listened attentively. The eleven-month-old girl was smaller and more delicate than her brothers at that age. She was more like her petite mother. Which was probably beneficial to a girl. She had the sonorous name Hela Brunhyld Foster-Stark. Pepper had told all of her sons how she had planned to name a girl Hela-Brunhyld during her pregnancy. Thor, who himself had a weakness for Nordic names, asked Jane to be allowed to fulfill his mother's wish in the end and she also found the name very pretty.

Hela differed from her brothers not only in form but also in character. She was shy and was still very strange against unfamiliar people, while other children her age had this phase long overcome. That's why Steve couldn't look after her when the boys weren't there ... Hela didn't speak either. Not a word. At her age her brothers had already said 'Mama' and 'Dada', Erik'd also said 'Lo-i' and Fandral 'Nana' (in the end, Pepper had the grandson she was closest to after his parents!). Hela rarely smiled, almost never laughed articulated. A peculiarity she had in common with her uncle Loki - despite recognizable intelligence, she seemed to learn some things surprisingly slowly. Things to do with social interaction. He'd been like that as a baby …

*

"Why didn't you tell you'd come?" Tony gave his signature sniff. "I haven't known I was coming up to 27 hours ago and I spent some of it on an airplane without the possibility of communicating in the way we are all familiar with." "I don't understand ..." "It doesn't matter now, how are my sons?" Jane chuckled: "Where would I start? You have a few of them.” “Start with Thor.” Her face became serious: “He's very brave, but when you're seeing him - you haven't been to him yet, have you?” He shook his head no. “If you are, don't be scared. He's lost a lot of weight.” “Well, I'd say he has a lot of weight loss substance. It's not a disaster right away, is it?” Jane slumped her shoulders. “Sometimes I have the slightest feeling he's tired of all of this. Maybe it would have been better if..." She paused at the look on her father-in-law's face. "Do not get me wrong! I want nothing more than a fight to the last and of course the last is victory. "

Tony was a little ashamed and got up, took the daughter-in-law in his arms. “My dear child, we all want this, and I know what you've meant. He has to suffer so much...“ Jane sobbed. "Sometimes I can hardly stand it and I'm screaming inside, while a brave, encouraging smile hurts on my numb lips - it literally hurts!" "What you are doing is superhuman-like and I am deeply impressed and also grateful. For you, my dear, you are the best woman one could wish for their son and for Loki, who is by your side, energetic and determined. Everything he shoulders and masters what is imposed on him to support you in all of it, helping wherever he can.” “You can be very proud of him. He's great - everything here would have collapsed without him.” “I'm extremely proud of Loki - but not only now. This amazing boy has always made me proud. How is he? You see him all the time ... "

Jane's smile disappeared. "He ... doesn't talk about himself much. When we allow ourselves a little relaxation, he talks a lot about their childhood, Thor's wild pranks and his own much more subtle ones. He's a good friend - he's become like a brother to me. But this is a one-way street. Don't get me wrong: Loki is sure to like me, appreciate me. But if you're here because you hoped he'd open up to me and I could tell you how he's really doing, then I have to disappoint you.” Tony smiled thinly. “You saw through me quickly, which I don't see often.” “Oh, it was obvious. But don't worry, you are in a terrible situation. Your genius is sure to be as bright and alert as ever - on a good day. But you are not having a good day. How could you..." "Of course I was hoping you could give me a tiny clue about Loki. I am quite worried about him and I know I can tell you this bluntly without you being angry with me, when your beloved man is...well, if you were a different person, everyone had to put any priorities not concerning him into the distance." "Tony, this family, _your_ family, you gave me a home. We're living in Arizona, thousands of miles from you, but you always know someone is there. Family knows no distance."

Tony Stark looked touched at his daughter-in-law, had to sit down overwhelmed by emotion. She looked away tactfully for a moment. "My dear child", the fatherly tone, conjured a smile on her lips, "Pep and I could never asses our luck, even if we tried, and she is a mathematician, I am an engineer, what is mentioned by the way." Jane chuckled softly, he continued: “Our children have found wonderful people and were able to win them over and sometimes we fear fate has been too good to us for too long to be true. And if I had a choice, I would choose myself for suffering and unhappiness. Me instead of each and every one of you, all of you. But that's not how fate works, so I have to do what I've always done: if something is broken, I have to fix it. Of course, it would be better to ensure something doesn't break in the first place, to prevent it in time. But not even a genius is allowed to see the blink of an eye into the future.” “You've come for Loki.” He nodded with a sad smile. “Me out of all people. The one he trusts the least and yet I have to try, haven't I? I would always try!” “I know, for each of them.” “ _Wrong_ , for each of _you_.” Jane thought about it for a moment and gave an agreeing nod. Yes, Tony Stark would do that for anyone he loved or those close to him loved.

"What are you going to do?" He snorted. “I'm still in the dark. It's always been like this with Loki: you never know what you will get. He is unpredictable and since he lets few of his emotions to the surface, a personal conversation with him has always been a blind flight up today. Until he decides it's time for the conversation to bear fruit - and said decision is entirely up to him. It may well happen he doesn't even do it. There is only one person for whom it was different.” “Will.” “Exactly. Not his mother, not Thor, least of all myself. He always felt he had an obligation to the first two of them. Pepper still fills him with a little childlike awe, and Thor ... Well, when they were children, Thor protected him from rubbish in the schoolyard. Now they are all grown up, Loki protects Thor from the ruffians of reality. He probably believes some of his most private feelings or deepest thoughts could threaten or even harm Thor's - let's call it naive optimism and belief in the good in the world. Both were and are a tad off the mark. Loki was very well able to defend himself, if any schoolyard nonsense bothered him at all, his words are sharper than the sharpest sword and nobody would wish to have him as an enemy. And Thor? He _is_ naive, optimistic and convinced of the good in the world, yes, but he is no longer a child. He knows very well there are those things Loki tries to hide from him, he just doesn't let them get to him. Let's just say: This is how these two express their love for each other. "

Jane gave a nod. “One question still remains: What do you want to do? How do you conjure up the only person with whom Loki allows himself to be himself, to be given what he needs? How is William Harrington to get back into his life?” Tony laughed softly: “The former works without any magic: A second flight ticket was enough.” Jane was confused for a moment and speechless after. This, as she knew from stories, was an unusually drastic approach for Tony Stark. He was tactfulness in person and extremely reserved about his children's decisions. He liked to be in control of events, but he was generally content with knowing what was going on, calculating all eventualities so as not to miss the point in time to intervene. A prominent example was when it looked like Steve and Bucky had one foot in front of the divorce judge. He had stayed in the background, watching, and was convinced the mess would clear up without his interference. And that's exactly what happened - even in two major crises, he hadn't found it necessary to push Bucky or Steve in a direction. Him doing it this time spoke of the level of concern he was worried about ...

"Jane. I have to talk to Loki alone. Can you 'serve' your brave nanny with an emergency letting her take Hela a bit from him? He won't get into a personal conversation in front of the little one - if at all, to be honest...” “What do you want to tell him?” “I'll have to improvise. No personal conversation with Loki had not been determined by him under his direction and in his dynamics in the past many years. If he can't keep control, he locks himself in...” Jane agreed: "I don't have to trick Mrs. Higgins, we are always first priority for her free hours.” “So I'll go to your apartment to visit my Granddaughter giving Loki a little time to digest my presence. He doesn't like surprises.” “When do I have to make her come?” “Two hours from now will be enough.” “How is Will?” “He's pretty taken by surprise. I showed up yesterday and helped him see what he already has known. Then I dragged him all over the North American continent. How is he supposed to be?” Tony laughed. He answered her disapproving shake of the head with a crooked grin. “How is he?” “He's been going through a bad time. But he would do anything for Loki. That's giving him strength."

*

“Father!” “Hello, my boy. And there is Hela too! Look at you, you've gotten a lot of curls! Your curly hair runs through the family, Loki. That's nice!” “Come on in.”, He had recovered from the surprise and at first didn't think much about the unexpected visit. It could be that any of them had known and only the information chain had been broken. It could happen quickly. “May I offer you anything?” “I'm helping myself, don't be bothered. What's you've been doing when I came?” “We have just finished the bookbox and I've offered her the building bricks bucket. She's still undecided.” “She doesn't make decisions easily. Something else she has in common with you aside from the curls. Start playing, I'll just get closer, or what do you think?” “Yes, that's a good idea.” Ten minutes later the men were building brick towers and houses with the serious child. "How are the boys?" Loki talked about their everyday life, about the chats with Thor, of which they had to skip a few because his condition hadn't allowed them. They talked about some medical details and how well Peter had handled everything when he had replaced Loki at Thor's side.

“You must be very proud of him, father. We are all proud of him.” “Peter has always filled us with pride and joy. But this is nothing new to me. After all, he's not my only child who is extraordinary, achieving great things. Look at you!” “I have also noticed the response to 'The Divine Comedy' is still good. I appreciate that success in the world of theater will earn your recognition.” Tony concentrated on balancing a crossbar on his bricks tower and said casually: “You are surprised.” Loki held out two colored bricks to Hela to choose from . "Which one is more beautiful, sweetie?" The girl thought about this for a long time before she took the green one and dismissed the yellow one. “Surprised would be an exaggeration. I would understand. It's not your world.” “It's _your_ world and that makes it interesting enough for me.” He tilted his head to grin at the baby. "Even higher, baby girl?" The girl nodded seriously. Another building block was carefully put on. "Thank you, father. But hopefully you don't expect me to wet my panties in return for the NASA presentation of your sensational StarkExperienceSuit." Tony laughed: "Wet panties at the presentation are Steve's problem.” “His husband's wet panties are not what I'd state Steve would call a 'problem'.” They smirked at each other and just then the doorbell rang. Tony's tension increased instantly.

Loki had left Hela to Mrs. Higgins for a walk without many words and when he returned to his father, he was sitting tensely on the edge of the sofa. The watchful expression on his son's face spoke volumes. “What is this antics about, father? You could have just asked me for a conversation.” Tony couldn't think of anything but to try the truth: “Don't you agree with me that I have reasons to not hope for consent?” Loki sighed and lost a little of his upright, almost dismissive posture. "In times like these ...", his gaze went into the distance and he sat down next to his father. He waited, after all, half-sentences were not Loki's style. No, they weren't, because he went on: “You're questioning a lot. Behavior patterns, everyday life. Everything is turned upside down. Needs that one had no idea about come to the fore. You are suddenly very lonely with yourself and your emotions.” He looked down at the table in front of them and nodded absently. “Your emotions are making you lonely?” “Well, of course not all of them. What determines all of our lives at the moment is uniting us like nothing before: the fear for Thor.” "Our love has connected us in the same way and only this love has taught us to be so close to each other in this fear." Loki looked at him in surprise, recognition in the cool icy-blue eyes. “Wise, Father, and probably true.” “And is it a comforting thought? Does it make you a little less lonely?” The rare wide, genuine smile warmed Tony's heart.

"I'm so proud of you, Loki.", He dared to say, the moment spoke for it. A shadow stole into Loki's fine features. “That's probably easy when you talk to people like Jane or Thor about me. They are always willing to see the best in a person and sometimes are blind to the other side.” “ _Your_ other side?” “ _My_ other side ... Father, you are a person who is never fooled by the radiance of one side so to ignore the other one. You won't miss anything.” “And that's why you doubt the sincerity of my pride in you. Why then?” “As attentive as you are, father, you too miss things. In addition, what one cannot blame you in the slightest: you are certainly a bit prejudiced with the - as they say so beautifully: the fruit of your loins." He chuckled: “Your euphemistic expressions have been a joy and a source of laughter ever since. You're the best at it of all of - how do _I_ say so beautifully? - my _brood_.” The 'brood' grinned. “So you're proud of me because I'm doing something I'm surely doing for myself, too? You mustn't praise people for selfishness, father, otherwise it will become a virtue.” “But son, a person does nothing without selfishness - never. Even the most altruistic of all gets benefit from their altruistic acts: They love to be altruistic.” Loki laughed out loud. "How cynical." "I also speak 'cynical'."

How relaxed Loki was! His father got on really well with him. He now had two options: He could surprise him with facts now well known to himself and elicit an unwanted confession or he could listen to the feeling in his stomach telling him that this was one of the few moments when he was allowed to ask Loki a personal question. But his son interrupted his brooding: “It is a shame such a terrible thing finally brings us all close. No, no shame - it's a _disgrace!_ ” Tony looked at him in puzzlement. He looked straight into his father's face, his features overshadowed by amazement and regret. “Take Steve. Steve and me, that's never worked. He's my brother, we love each other, of course, but ... He and Bucky used to visit me and ... _Will_ , or we went to one of Bucky's legendary dinners. But now, in the face of the robbery of our family's, the robbery of the best of us, it was only now Steve and I became really close for the first time in life. It's a shame. There we are, and we all have one special thing in common.” “Which would be?” “Well, you could say we're brothers and it wouldn't be wrong. For a long time I would have said above all it is mother - and don't get me wrong - that is certainly correct. But who's holding us together having enough strength and family spirit and love for everyone ... that's you. You hold us together and we needed this to recognize it. A shame and a disgrace."

Tony blinked some time, he was overwhelmed. His eyes got moist and his son had to notice it but he didn't show any discomfort. He continued to look at him with that expression of amazement, regret, and: a newcomer: _love_. And again Tony had two options: he could accept this incredible, long-awaited gift, later express to William Harrington his regret about a pointless trip and put him back on a plane to Canada with nothing achieved, and explore this whole new relationship with the son who never had him wanted to get close. He decided on the second option, glad to have had this moment and to be able to keep it in his heart forever. "Loki. I thank you. But I am probably not worth the praise: I've intervened.” His counterpart raised his eyebrows questioningly. Tony went on bravely, "I've brought William here." Loki went white as the wall. "What?" He hissed, "Father!" He shouted angrily. “So that's why all of this. The farce with Mrs. Higgins, the subtly clever approach to my weak point. The homely atmosphere you've created. All because you are no longer in control of your helplessness, your weakness with this. You always have to be in control of everything! But not all of us appreciate being manipulated by you and being the plaything of your tricks and strokes of genius. We are your children, not your toys!"

The unfair force in Loki's accusation made his father pale and the sting in his heart was so painful he couldn't suppress the reflex to press his hand on it. Fear entered his eyes, which he couldn't suppress either. _I'm only an old man ..._ he thought hurtful. Loki jumped up, his face in sheer panic. "Daddy!" ( _What?_ ) His son was hovering above him, grabbing his shoulders, firmly but gently. "Do you need a doctor?” The sting disappeared as it came, suddenly and without warning. He took a deep breath, shook his head in a daze, focused back on the man in front of him: his son, his handsome features grimaced and helpless like that of a boy, a very frightened boy, tears were shining in his bright eyes. "Father ..." he whispered. Tony cleared his throat and croaked: "Already over ... a short pain, not worth mentioning." "I'm calling an ambulance." "Loki!" He called, "I don't need a doctor, I need ..." _an apology would be nice_ , he thought. Aloud he said: "Forgive me for my interference, I've thought it was ..." "What I said was cruel and unjust!", His son interrupted him. He went on passionately: "I am evil and depraved and arrogant and presume to reproach you for what you have miles ahead of me and I can never, not in a hundred years, achieve: to show weakness." Loki burst into tears and sobbed silently.

His father dared to take him in his arms. Loki was stiff and somehow prickly, but he was not to be deterred and whispered: "My poor boy, you have to endure so much and you are so strong in your worries and pain, I couldn't be more proud of you." Finally he let himself sink close to his father and with the crying, his tears freeing him, the words came: “I have done and said terrible things, done and said to people who were always kind to me and always had only my good in mind. I reject people who love me with my repulsive way of always doing the wrong thing, always saying the inappropriate! And Thor! The most excellent of us – him of all people... Why not me? All the pain and suffering in the family would be so much less.” Tony grabbed his son tighter, spoke into his unruly locks: “How have you come to say that? I wouldn't feel an iota less worry, fear and suffering in my heart. Loki, darling, believe me. I love you and it wouldn't be a bit different.” Loki sniffed, it was a very unworthy noise for him. "I've ... done so much wrong. I can never make it up to everyone.” “You willing to do so is already half the battle.” The dam broke and Loki told his father the whole story, how he found out about Thor's illness, how a switch flipped inside him making him reach for ancient gods to offer them a pact. Tony never interrupted him once. Loki was relentlessly harsh to himself radiating two things to the highest degree: bitter repentance ... and love. To a man who (maybe) was reading a mediocre book in a hotel room not a mile away.

"What am I supposed to do now?" It was quite a while later. After Loki's outburst, Tony held his broken son for a long time with only uttering soothing hums and half-sentences. His hand on the back of Loki's head ran lovingly through his curls. (" _They still feel like they did when you were a toddler._ ”) "Go to William.” “But ...” “He deserves a proper explanation. This love the two of you share and have have lived, must not remain open like a gaping, bleeding wound, Loki. It's not deserving so.” “Why did he come with you?” “For the same reason why he would always come: He cares deeply about you.” Loki swallowed. He didn't have to say anything, his father did: "Marriots, room 517."

Loki clumsily freed himself and stood up. He turned away, but made a different decision, looking back at him. "Thank you and ... I'm sorry, so sorry. I've said terrible things, I ... I'm sorry.” “Apology accepted. If you go to him now, you will be a brave man. A good man. Who is willing to admit mistakes. You making me so proud.” “Thank you, d-dad.” “Now get out of here. And Loki!” He was halfway in the bathroom to wash his face before he ... went to Will! “I love you, son. Will always do.” He hesitated but soon a shy smile spread across his tearful face. He looked like the boy he used to be. "I love you too, dad." Not 'father' - apparently 'dad' was some kind of title and he'd finally earned it. Tony left the apartment. He had to leave the rest to Loki and Will. He went to the hospital and, after the surprise with his unannounced visit (about the background of which he remained silent) had evaporated, Tony Stark was spreading a cheerful and loving mood over other sons of his'...


	135. "I do want this for Forever..."

**"I do want this for Forever..."**

When there was a knock, William winced, even though he had expected it. Was it Tony who had failed or ...? With a wildly pounding heart, he went to open the door. It _was_ Loki. He looked tired and scared, but there was something else on his face, in his eyes: a timid joy ... and love. He swallowed, raised an eyebrow and said, "I won't let myself get laid without a word in a hotel room again." The corners of Loki's mouth twitched, he tilted his head to one side and lowered his eyelashes a little to look through them into his eyes: "No? And would you bet on it, too?” Loki's voice was deep and seductive, similar to a purr. Will was speechless for a moment, then the mischief flashed in his somewhat tired, icy-blue, beautiful eyes. "I can't believe you've done that." Will snorted, "So you still can't resist an opportunity to upset me?" “Maybe I can't resist _you_. I've heard you're in town and I'm here.” “C-come on in.” “We've already exchanged some words, so you won't have to let yourself get laid _without_ a word.” Will stared and laughed softly. “It's never boring with you.” They got down in the small sitting area. “And without me? How is it without me?” “Empty, cold, desolate and gray. Only the caricature of a life."

Loki was confused. Was it that easy? Well, he wasn't going to let Will make this easy. He owed it to their love and the wonderful man in front of him! That he tried hard and gave everything to ... for what? To get him to ... He was torn out of his brooding. "How are you? Minus the part when your father appears out of the blue and brings you a surprise of significant proportions." Loki chuckled: "Knowing my father for decades is preparing you for big surprises out of the blue. I would like to know: How do _you_ feel about him appearing out of the blue on your threshold with plane tickets which are supposed to take you all over the continent?” William registered the new tone and warmth in which Loki spoke of his father. Something must have been going on between them and it was something good! Will had often regretted about the relationship between the two being so one-sided. He'd have given something for a father like Tony Stark. Loki hadn't liked to hear that. And he knew from Bucky, who thought the same and Steve didn't like it either, so he hadn't been talking to Loki about it anymore.

“Your father had reason to feel welcome on my threshold. The contact came from me. However, I sent him a letter in a modest and moderate manner. But I really want to know how _you_ are first.” His eyes had flashed with interest, so his father hadn't told him about the letter. He probably thought William had to decide for himself what he wanted Loki to know. "So?" Loki gave a jerk. “A thousand words and more are unable to express the different feelings raging inside me. What happens to Thor brings me to the edge of everything I could barely imagine in my worst nightmares. It's ... fatal and _horrific._ ", His voice broke a little. William nodded sympathetically and held out his hand for him over the table. Loki reached for it like a lifeline, clutching his warmer ones with cold fingers. The little comforting circles Will's thumb drew on his skin did him good. He took a deep breath.

“This fight is the fight of his life – no, the one of all of our lives - and it is terrible, demands everything a person can do from us - if they're ready to give everything. To see him like that ... They ... He texted me earlier: They are feeding him through a tube from now on. His oral cavity is an open raw wound, his muscles - or what's left of them - are trembling and cramping uncontrollably. His fingernails and toenails splinter as if they were made of ancient glass and his strength dwindles every day. He now needs a wheelchair for further trips like the clinic garden.", Tired of the incriminating list that described so cruelly how little anything he, Loki Stark, does or has done changed anything. He let his forehead fall on their intertwined hands, weeping silently for a little while. Williams' other hand found his head, stroking his curls. Those soft curls. Will would remember their scent for a lifetime. “You must be exhausted. You're doing inhuman things there day in, day out, and yet, when I've asked you how you are, you've only been talking about Thor.” “He is much more worth talking about.” “And he determines your life. You are all around the clock either by his side to do whatever it takes or you are thinking of him.” “I'm worn out, Will. I am at the limit of my strength. I should have known: I am not strong enough.” “Don't torment yourself, dear. This task is beyond anyone's ability, I am convinced of it.” “Jane is so much stronger than me.”

William objected: "Maybe Jane isn't bothered with another pain." Loki said nothing. "But you are, right?" He looked up, fear and sorrow in his eyes. "Will ... you know what I did. To live with it, to live with myself, it is truly a scourge...” “It can help you to say it out loud.” Loki looked at him pleadingly. “Last I've expected _you_ to place another burden on me. I have been wishing so, I've finally deserved it, but expected - from you? I didn't.” “As for surprises, I had a good teacher - well, two now: you and your father.” “I lied to everyone!” Loki burst out,“I couldn't confess what I did to anyone, what I have done so convinced of what was right. Wasn't I supposed to realize it was like that because I made a mistake?” “Did you? At least you're still holding on to it.” “Will ... I've wanted you to make things difficult for me, but ... I ... ”, his voice had become very high and was trembling. “What if it's not humbug?” Loki's vulnerability, his fear for his beloved brother, his feelings of guilt, his insecurity and that pact - that cursed pact! - _what if ... it could be ..._ William understood and nodded thoughtfully.

“When people experience misfortune, they react differently to it. One kind of person complains and feels treated unfairly. Wonders how they deserved it and is looking for answers. Who did this to me? Who got me? I haven't done anything wrong, I'm not to blame. I have not deserved this. The other kind of people also want answers, people always want answers. And there are people who want it more than others. With them answers they are looking for a solution. If I know _why_ something is happening, I _can do_ something about it, they think. The search for the answer to the question 'why is something happening?' becomes the search for the answer to the question 'how can I change or avert something?'. The blows fate has in store are sometimes, in their unpredictability and arbitrariness, not equipped with instructions on how to deal with them correctly. There is no book of wisdom bearing all the answers. There are things that happen and nobody is to blame for them and there is nothing we can do about it. Except hope. Thor's illness is not your fault. You are doing everything in your power and that is more than enough, dear. Fate doesn't want anything from you. Not in exchange for Thor's life. You gave everything to fate that you believed was valuable and a worthy sacrifice. Fate doesn't want our happiness. To give it to it - to offer it - will not affect what it's intending for Thor. "

The younger man swallowed audibly. "There's got to be something I can do, there must be!" William shook his head slightly. “It's cruel and unjust, but there is nothing. What you still have to give, you give Thor all the time and it is more than one could expect from a single person. Don't waste any of it on the inexorable forces that may hold our lives in their hands. They don’t want it. We're mere pawns, worms under their boots. They don't negotiate with worms, Loki.” “Why are you telling me all of this?” He sighed heavily and took a deep breath. “Because I am still ready to comply with your request. Because if you hold on to it because you don't want to blame yourself in the end, I'll be the _last one_ who wants you to blame yourself in the end. I can't let you destroy yourself.” “In the end ...?”, It was just a breath. William looked down. “You know what I'm talking about. What can happen.“, He said calmly, increasing the pressure of his hand on Loki's finger.

A thousand thoughts danced wildly around in Loki. Too many feelings, sensations, sensory impressions (Will's warm fingers, the room was pleasantly tempered, the armchair a little too soft, someone outside was honking the horn, the table had a scratch, a few rooms down there was vacuumed, the sun sent its first rays in the window, the bathroom smelled of room freshener, Will's warm fingers ...) A tremor went through his body, his eyes grew huge, the hand in Williams trembled and a wild storm raged in his brain. The moment he cried out, suppressed and tormented, William became aware of what was going on inside him: an overload. “It's okay, darling,” he whispered quietly, “It's too much, take your time. You have as much time as you need. Breathe, beloved, one-one-two, two-one-two, be calm, I'm here, one-one-two …" Loki obeyed, he breathed with the commands. Will's low, monotonous voice lulled him: “Whatever you need now is fine with me. I have time. What you have to tell me will mean no less to me in the indefinite future, love. Let it go, it will get better. You've made it soon. Let it happen. Fighting it takes too much of your strength.” The clutter in his brain slowly subsided. He was breathing heavily but regularly.

"So in the end it's pointless and useless if ..." He couldn't go on, couldn't say it out loud. “Not if you believe in it in the bottom of your heart and are convinced of it. Because in this case it is your consolation. In case ... some consolation to have tried everything. But maybe there are other ways, other ways of finding consolation than this.” “What would have to happen for this?” “The gods of fate will not tell you whether they will accept your sacrifice. But besides you, the provider and them who let you brood, there is another part in the one-sided trade. Me, the sacrifice.” “And which means?” “I could refuse to be sacrificed.” Loki's eyes widened, his mouth was slightly open. Softened in astonishment, for the first time that day (or for weeks?) his features were not marked by sorrow or worry or pain. William lowered his voice to a murmur: “When the unspeakable happens, darling, how are you going to say goodbye to him? Is he supposed to leave you broken and lonely, ... to die in the knowing that after your grief you will remain depressed and on the ground ... Or would you rather Thor leave with the knowledge you can get up again and become happy? Allow yourself to live and laugh and love again? "

The first tear fell at the word 'die' and at the end of Will's speech they streamed down his pale cheeks. A tremor shook his whole body. Deprived of all his last strength, he let his head sink back onto their hands silently losing many hot tears. Will had come to save him from a future, a life of solitude and guilt. Because he was right, Thor would have to go and would have to leave Loki behind, lonely and barely getting any more happiness in life, it would be so much harder for the dying brother than it already was. "Will ..." he breathed after a small eternity. "Mhm?" "Hold me tight." William Harrington was at his side immediately, also taking his other hand. "Come on, darling." He didn't understand immediately, but Will glanced at the bed. He let himself be pulled out of the chair and led to the king size bed. They lay down and William pulled him into his arms, against his chest. “I hold you as long as you want or need and longer. If I could, I would hold you for all eternity.” “You may...” Loki pressed out. Will pressed his lips into the silky black curls and heard him sigh softly. "I hold you tight. And I'm holding on to you as long as you want me to.", He whispered. Loki didn't answer right away. Heart pounding, William waited without pushing. A long time later Loki made him the happiest man in the world: "I do want this for forever ..." "Then be it."

They kissed and Loki cried. They kissed again and now Will was crying. They kissed and cried together after. Loki fell asleep, exhausted as he was, and was soon fast asleep as a log, his tears not yet completely dry, but his previously furrowed forehead was smooth, his mouth was soft (his lips were dramatically red and a little swollen from kissing, they looked like sin itself). Will carefully pulled himself out of his arms and went outside to call Tony. "Loki is with me, he's sleeping and I think he needs this break urgently." “Of course! I'm representing him in all of his myriad self-imposed tasks. I'm an old man, but I've always been a hard worker. Make sure he ... You _can_ make him rest, can't you?” “I have reasonable hope he will listen to me.” The relieved sound at the other end was like sobbing and laughing at the same time. “This makes me so happy, William Harrington. Welcome back."

*

William stayed with Loki in Arizona until the end of the semester break. The apartment was too small for all of them and Loki rented one. Liz O'Mara sent her best friend a large suitcase full of clothes and a very personal letter, without her usual pointed, mean nasties. He thanked the friend in an equally personal letter. On her closing remark that she would miss him very much if he moved to New York for good now, he did not respond ... He did not know what the future held. He had Loki again and Loki had him. That was all he knew for sure at the moment. Their apartment was conveniently located between the clinic and Jane and Thor's apartment, and Will joined the people around Thor who were trying to make his fight easier.

The reconciliation of his little brother with his the love of his life left him overjoyed. Loki would never know that some of Thor Stark's really bad days had been a even darker from the shadow of his concern for his beloved brother. Because Thor always knew how much Loki suffered and that he had been in the clutches of some deep guilt, he also knew that. Who can say whether William may have saved not only Loki but also Thor, a little, because a load was lifted from his shoulders and thus gave him back the last bit of strength that he ultimately needed to be victorious against cancer and death? Nobody, but in the end it didn't matter.

On December 12, 2039, Thor Stark was released as cured after successful final surgery after six months and ten days in hospital. The chemotherapy and radiation had shrunk the tumor to an operable size and encapsulated it, completely eliminated the outgrowths in the surrounding cerebral tissue and Thor knew he could not have done it without his beloved wife, the best brother in the world and a linguistics professor who had given him back his brother's mind, his heart and the will to live, not only to function. Loki had been spared a lonely existence and was given back to Thor in an inhumanly difficult time. He was grateful. And he was only but a shadow of himself. But he had arrived at a new starting point in life. Thor Stark was born for the second time at the age of 35.

The closest family members all went to Arizona for Christmas to celebrate with Thor, Jane, and the kids, as well as Loki and William. It was a quiet, cozy party. The children were noisy, but this lovely noise was music to Thor's ears. However, everyone quickly realized how weak he still was. He got tired quickly and often had to rest. But everyone was so happy not to have lost him, it was the best Christmas ever! Loki would be returning to New York after the holidays to take care of the extended to April season of _The Divine Comedy_ , which was still selling out weeks in advance. Thor was in good hands with a team of physiotherapists, psychological support and follow-up doctors as well as the happiest woman and the merriest children in the world at his side!

Tony and Pepper Stark thanked the god they didn’t believe in for giving them their beloved child for the second time and of course she didn’t resent her husband for the action behind her back after the happy ending. Peter and MJ told them all about the first semester of their master’s degree classes, which in terms of their requirements still towered them from bachelor’s degree. MJ took the opportunity to have a long conversation with 'Professor' Stark about what it had been like for him to leave his ambitious dreams behind to become a teacher. He gave her some very stimulating food for thought. Bucky, who still struggled with a bad conscience towards his brother-in-law from time to time, was condemned by Thor to ask the one who knew best if it was really necessary: Loki. After all, it was he whom he had been unable to support because he was more attached to New York than any other family member. Loki didn't make it easy for his brother-in-law. A little devil in him just had to make him fidget a little, after all, as soon as he was in the door, he had sprayed all his amiable charm on Will again (In Bucky's defense: on everyone. But of course Loki only bothered with Will who couldn't help being a little impressed by it ...). But in the end, Loki's better side won out and he assured Bucky that he was not mad at him and had never been.

Sam and Sharon had great news to report in their Christmas round mail: They would have a baby again this summer. The twins would then be four years old and little Ava 18 months. So the basketball team was in the works. Despite perhaps the best of intentions, Bucky and the couple had never become as close friends as everyone involved had once wished. Shuri and M'Baku didn't want to rush with a sibling for Ayo. Bucky was visiting the Royal Family twice a year now, alone or with Steve and Morgan, and he was still in love with the cute little girl. After many years, the Queen of Wakanda finally saw the grown man and father in the sensitive friend, and their friendship was better balanced than ever before. He and Shuri were perhaps better friends now than they had been all years before, although she was no longer Bucky's only friend. There was Scott and one other man from the 30+ team he was still playing in.

Peter Quill had renewed his old friendship with Thor and visited him regularly, sometimes his wife accompanied him (the children then stayed with the grandparents.) Quill was amazed at what had become of Thor's little brother, the one who - although two years younger - went to school with them. In their freshman year, Quill would have made any bet the nerd - the little freak! - would end up in the nuthouse. He'd been an idiot - but an adorable idiot with a heart of gold, and he was happy for his best high school friend about his favorite brother having become a happy man! He was also deeply impressed by what he, long thought to be a weirdo consisting only of brains and crazy daydreams, did to accompany his brother through the worst hell which could be imposed on a person. He knew what he was talking about.

He sought, good guy that he was, the conversation with the enigmatic former classmate and poured out his heart to him to apologize sincerely. Loki, who of course knew exactly as a teenager what the noisy, cocky friend of his noisy, cocky brother had thought of him, laughed at him good-naturedly a little and assured him he had taken no damage from Quill's rowdiness - even in retrospect admitted a little that he had been right. He had been a very strange teenager. But he had made it to the best that was in him. His parents were so proud of their 'problem child' (Which they would have been in any context. First and foremost, they enjoyed his happiness.).

And the renewed happiness with Will was marked by a deep, quiet, yet consuming love and passion. Even more than before, they fulfilled each other so perfectly that even Bucky sometimes thought there was still something to be learned - and he was actually convinced nothing in the world dwarfed his and Steve's love! Be him forgiven. Wasn't that what all happy couples thought? Incidentally, Steve didn't agree in the least with those lines of thought. His husband was not in the least surprised. And when Steve pulled out all the stops after such a spoken out thought by Bucky's, reached deep into his bag of tricks and brought out the most attentive, loving and ardent admirer and lover being capable of, Bucky was always to be convinced - their love was the greatest and most beautiful and most exciting and intimate love of the world. Steve was always very pleased with himself and would have loved to put a sticker on ... the back of his hand.

Thor's convalescence was a long and arduous process with endless and frequent physical therapy sessions. The psychological care was necessary to deal with the subject of 'been close to death' and with a world that had turned on indifferently during the time Thor Stark had spent in a bubble of pain and suffering and agony. People in his situation often resented the world and had to come to terms with their own transience and their actual meaningless importance for humanity. Those therapy sessions made little effort for Thor - he had always seen himself to be a rather smaller cog in the structure of the bigger picture. It was enough for him what he meant to his family, to all his loved ones. He regretted that for his children, especially the boys, he could not (at the moment) be the funny, wildly playing father he had always been and who in many happy hours had been made one of them (in XXL format).

In return, he finally found a real connection and deep bond to his youngest child. The new quieter version of him, who now spent hours looking at picture books with her, losing only few words, or splattering abstract pictures on large sheets of paper with finger paint, was more to her taste than the energetic whirlwind he had been and that had wished for his daughter to be a wild, confident, strong girl - as Morgan was one. The quiet, introverted child every day reminded her father more and more of his beloved brother and he found it a bit sad that Loki was Erik and Fandral's godfather, but he and Jane had chosen Jane's friend Darcy for Hela. But it didn't really matter. Loki was no less fond of her than her brothers and the serious little girl was very attached to her uncle. It was an intense relationship they'd built over the bad months. Frequent one-on-one situations, often for hours, and close proximity. They had made a strong bond. Uncle Loki will always play a major role in Hela Brunhyld Foster-Stark's life.

The next six months went by in a flash and when the big garden party and barbecue came up, the Foster-Starks left the wheelchair at home. Thor no longer needed it. He leaned on a stick when he was still getting weak now and then. It had all taken too long for him. His doctors and therapists had always urgently ordered him to come back to his old form slowly and patiently and he stuck to every word from them - his health now was too precious to him; a seldom highly valued asset when you have it and only missed when it's lost. The big, noisy and funny family in Arizona had gotten used to a loved routine. Jane worked some hours in the morning in her old lab and office while Thor had his therapies. Hela was in the care of Mrs. Higgins, who was now the permanent nanny of the Foster-Starks. The family always spent the afternoons together. Jane replaced their sons as best she could the roughneck Thor had used to be and Thor watched happily while he played, painted or read with his daughter. In the early evening even the two boys were tired after a long day and Thor played dice, board or video games with them while Jane was writing on her thesis in the home office with Hela already fast asleep. When the couple went to bed, their hands instantly found each other and they interlaced their fingers, intimately united in the knowledge that they had been very lucky.

*

When the five arrived at the festival on July 4, 2040, everyone was delighted to see Thor upright and without a helping device. His stick - an ultralight yet extremely stable telescopic model developed by his father - hung on his belt buckle. It was pushed together to only four inches. Like every year, everyone had a lot to talk about.

Morgan questioned Erik about his first year in school, boasting about being in third grade after the summer. She and her parents would take their beloved motorhome to the Rocky Mountains this year. She was looking forward to four weeks of adventure, hoping to see a bear and this time Steve and Bucky would also enjoy the vacation to the fullest. Steve would have to say goodbye to Bucky's long hair during this. He was 39 now and the expected gray hair had come a little later than he had expected, and after he showed Steve the first one last winter, with a meaningful look announcing the dreaded hairdresser visit, Steve ripped the nasty thing out of him with one quick movement. Bucky screamed out softly and was speechless when Steve grinned at him: 'You can cancel the appointment, you don't have gray hair yet.'

Bucky quickly suspected his husband watching him closely and that he would probably cut the little traitors off his head when he was asleep. He was worried Steve could slip the scissors and he would have missed one eye. When he 'caught' him once, he threatened to get a buzzcut, which horrified Steve. So he made Bucky promise there would be enough of his hair left to curl as sweetly as it did when he grew it out after serving in the army, and that he would still have enough in his hand when he was reaching into it – at .. _.times_. Besides, he could - please - wait until after their summer vacation. In fact, the long hair was more practical in the wilderness. A bad hair day? Getting a hair tie in and that's it. Steve now wore his own hair longer than ever before and was no longer as dogged with his fitness and nutrition program. Bucky loved every pound of him and found his slightly rougher lumberjack look very sexy.

Peter and MJ treated themselves to a vacation this summer, only a short one, but it was their first ever pure pleasure trip. They would laze about a week on the beach in Antigua in the Caribbean to live into the day, it was a whole new experience for the couple.

Tony had celebrated his 70th birthday in May with the expected composure and shed some tears with her late that night when he was alone with Pepper, because they remembered the horrific last birthday with that dreadful video chat. The last year had robbed him of a lot of his strength and some of his drive and at the beginning of the year he had found a promising engineer and trained him in the duties of the head chief engineer. The serious, clever Korean's extensive employment contract was dated for two years and contained all kinds of clauses. But Tony relied primarily on his knowledge of human nature. Mr Namkung would worthily 'keep warm' his employer's chair for Peter - and never betray or steal from him or his boss or Stark Industries, Tony was convinced of that. So he was now retired too, and he and his wife planned to spend a lot of time in Arizona. Everyone involved was looking forward to it!

Loki and Will arrived in the late afternoon. They had just returned from an extensive trip to South America two hours earlier and they brought a surprise with them. While the caterer was setting up the buffet, they announced they were engaged and wishing to get married at Loki's parents' house on Christmas day!

*

The fireworks at the end of the party were fantastic, but even more than the rain of sparks and huge pictures, the newly engaged couple and with them the whole family were beaming!


	136. "Today you are but a bit slow on the Uptake!"

**"Today you are but a bit slow on the Uptake!"**

The curious questions of the whole family, how they had got engaged, who asked whom and whether it was as romantic as they were expected to be, were cleverly dismissed by Loki and Will:

“It just happened. One of those situations - you know it from the stories of honest people - the mundane question 'Do you also think we could get married?' was answered with 'Yes, that makes sense'. “, Will smiled at the group. Steve shouted (on defense mode), " _Our_ engagement was just as romantic and perfect as we told everyone!" "Stop bragging, sweetheart." "I'm always bragging about us." "Or about you, Bucky!" Loki smirked. "He's not a high school teacher, he's still a high school student in disguise!" One person in the circle thought it was time to change the subject before papa and dad were going to talk about their engagement and wedding again. Sometimes they were so embarrassingly sappy!

"Uncle Loki, were you eating guinea pigs in the pampas?" Morgan wanted to know. Her tone of voice gave no doubt what she thought of the mere possibility. "You like guinea pigs a lot, little lady Morgan?" asked her uncle. And the answer to that question dominated the conversation for a little while. Morgan's class at Montessori School, of course, had 'class pets': guinea pigs; and the children took turns taking them home on weekends. Morgan had built an outdoor enclosure with Bucky's help, and Alpine was - as expected - moderately enthusiastic about the occasional weekend guests.

Will and Loki hadn't even really lied about their engagement and how it had happened. It had actually begun with a banal remark ...

(Their South America round trip was an experience: the majestic mountain ranges of the Andes, endless grass steppes of the pampas, the high plateaus with their reflecting salt lake deserts of Bolivia and a fascinating detour to Tierra del Fuego. All of it lacked any culture, but both were surrounded by culture in their professional lives. It was a welcome change - exactly what one liked on vacation. To visit South America in late May and June naturally meant having to defy some of the wintry climates. But: Will lived in Canada and six months of the year were winter for him anyway and Loki had no preference in terms of seasons or weather. So it happened they found themselves in down jackets, hats and gloves in a boat on Lake General Carrera in southern Chile, to admire the bizarre natural beauty of the naturally formed cave formations of the Catedral de Marmol - marble cathedral. The boat driver, a local who spoke no English, was a taciturn lad and thought the spectacle would speak for itself and affect tourists without him chattering. It was overwhelming in its beauty ...

Loki had been watching Will for some time - unnoticed – as he was admiring the scenery with an open mouth and wide eyes in amazement. His beloved loved nothing more than the picturesque (luckily for Loki, who, self-ironic as he was, considered himself an extremely picturesque kind of person). A sudden inspiration made him talk faster than he thought, and that didn't happen often (but _not_ never after all...). "Will, what do you think, shall we get married?" Williams' head snapped around to him, so fast a cervical vertebra cracked. “What kind of way is it to ask that a question?” Loki raised his eyebrows: “Calling the words back into my memory - which is not difficult, it hasn't happened a minute ago - I can't find anything in them. Grammatically correct and in their clarity a question without room for misinterpretation."

The somewhat nervous giggle Will gave in response irritated Loki and he knitted his eyebrows. “Do you have a different opinion?” “A-about what? You mean whether we ... or whether I think ... Or ... what do you mean, Loki?” He sounded strangely desperate and looked quite fidgety. "I mean the question, of course, and how you're thinking about it, there is no doubt, is there?" "Are you asking the linguist or the man in me?" Now Loki was a bit flabbergasted. “Are we still talking about the same thing?” “Uh ... do I know?” “And why are you now phrasing this like a question? Was that meant rhetorically?” “How have you meant your question?” It came like a shot. "Now which one?" He was confused. What a bizarre conversation!

His boyfriend glanced him over in silence for a while. He seemed to be brooding. Then he let his gaze wander again over the unearthly scenery around him. "I don't remember," he said quietly and lost in thought. Loki knew he was missing something. It didn't happen often Will was hiding something from him, so he wasn't sure if he was reading his strange behavior correctly. He let out a suppressed sigh. The pitfalls of interpersonal communication. His first impulse was to speak up, to ask for clarity. William had 'allowed' him to do so again and again, so clumsy and hurtful it might appear to people who weren't ticking like Loki (almost everyone on this planet). They both preferred to have a slightly embarrassing question and answer session about the most mundane things than spending an unnecessarily long time each occupied with something that was quick and easy to solve.

This could be a remark by Loki, which he meant (what was the rule) literally as put. A classic example: 'Do you really want to wear this suit to dinner at Pierrot's?' One of the remarks that could plunge a person like Bucky into a deep mental crisis, which Loki didn't mean in any way other than: 'The armchairs over there are poorly constructed, your jacket is going to get wrinkled and it was just being cleaned. ' William was not even remotely as picky about his own appearance as his (beautiful) brother-in-law, but of course he didn't like to embarrass Loki, the most elegant man in the northern hemisphere (and we all know, elegance only exists there.). He answered a question like that neutrally with: “What's speaking against it?” And Loki explained what he was making his mind up about. After, Will would put on the shorter dinner jacket. Loki saved him a lot of suffering every time. They had been going along with each other that way excellently for a long time.

But something was wrong with the current situation. He decided to postpone the conversation to a time when they were alone. Because even if the skipper didn't speak their language, he couldn't imagine Will - or even himself - talking freely and openly in front of a stranger. And then it struck him the whole topic had been inappropriate from the start. Well, he'd just have to learn this all his life. Setbacks and stumbling blocks included.

He reached for William's hand in a plush mitten (the paw-like gloves made him look a bit like a teddy bear) and when his lover looked at him, he smiled lovingly: "Are you warm enough, dear?" That smile would even thaw him if he would be enclosed in a block of ice two yards thick. "But yes ..." he breathed, a delicate blush on his cheeks - and it wasn't there only from the cold. Loki, who was wearing lined, very fine leather gloves, tugged at the mitten until it fell to the bottom of the boat between them, and pulled the actually warm fingers to his lips. Those were cold, but that didn't change the warm tingling they caused. "Wonderful." Loki whispered after some affectionate kisses on sensitive fingertips. Will's cheeks added a little more color.

It was pretty cold in the comfortable log cabin they lived in in a small hotel complex. The Canadian in Will had made a fire in the fireplace in a flash after wrapping Loki, who always was colder than him, in a blanket. Leaving him on the sofa he made him a cup of steaming tea after. The boat ride and the long windy walk back to the jeep they had rented, the never-catching Patagonian wind was chilling... It was still in the younger man's bones. "Poor darling," Will teased as he sat down with him. “We'll have to spend more of our time in Canada. A couple of hikes with me in March and you'll get used to the cold.” “Maybe you're right. We could spend a lot more time in Canada. But then you have to tidy up your chaotic house a little." Will laughed: "That's never bothered you.” “As your guest, of course not. I have to adapt to your customs. But if we're supposed to spend so much more time in Canada, in your house, I don't know if I'll despair one day because I'll find the corkscrew in the fridge again."

Will was still laughing softly: “But the wine is in the fridge. When I want to have some, the corkscrew is not far. That's practical!” Loki raised his eyebrows: “You know, I think refrigerators are only intended for storing food.” “Yes, and? I don’t make a mess in _your_ fridge!” “We could just as easily call _our_ refrigerators _our_ refrigerators.” Will did not reply immediately, but stared at him. Loki raised an eyebrow and Will hurried to say: “I don't understand.” “Usually you understand each word I'm speaking - even the ones I don't say out loud. Why don't you understand anything I am telling you today? Aren't you okay?” He looked a bit worried. “Do I know?” Loki laughed: “I'm taking a wild guess going with: No, you don't. What is the matter with you, dearest?” The last words were so fond and loving, Will got all warm from them - and the fire in the fireplace had nothing to do with it.

“I was enchanted by this magical place, darling. I cannot express how grateful I am to you for showing me something of that a great beauty. I'm probably still a bit confused by the glory of it all.” “Firstly, it's not a great gesture to spend money when you've got enough of it, and secondly, good. I've thought it had something to do with the fact I was talking about getting married.” Will choked so hard he coughed up. _Oh._ Maybe it _had_ something to do with it after all. Rubbing his back gently but firmly, he waited for the cough to subside. He put a finger under Will's chin to lift his face to him, looking into his eyes. "I upset you with my question." "Just confused, not upset, that is ..." Will protested weakly. He was interrupted: "I'm quoting you: 'What kind of way is it to ask that a question?'" Will's cheeks turned to a dark pink. In moments like these, he cursed his boyfriend's terabyte memory.

"B-but, you surely only meant that in theory. People are asking something like that in a conversation. 'How do you feel about marriage as an institution?' Isn't everyone doing so?” The sigh he got for this was dramatic. “I haven't asked this a single person in my entire life. And even if I'm not a luminary in such matters, I certainly didn't ask you this in a normal conversational tone, but very personally: 'Will, what do you think, shall we get married?' This is not the context of a conversation for the purpose of an exchange of views, this is a marriage pro...” William startled and quickly pressed his fingertips to Loki's mouth. "No, not like _that_..." he whispered. There was no longer a trace of blush on his cheeks, rather he had turned oh-so-pale. Loki felt for Will's hand, gently pulled it away from his lips and nuzzled his cheek into his palm. He whispered:

"What, not like _that_ ...? Not so fast? Not so soon? Or not so damn sure of knowing your answer?” Will frowned shaking his head slightly, but leaned over to him with a warm smile. Before his lips met Loki's, he breathed: "Just not ... _like that._ " And while they kissed, Loki was sure he was getting it.

The merciless, never-ending wind of Patagonia howled around the houses, which were defying the weather close together and squat in the small hotel complex. In one of them, a New York theater director and an Anglo-Canadian linguistics professor lay under thick blankets stuffed with alpaca undercoat up to the tip of their noses - bedrooms were not heated there, there was too little fuel - and in the pale moonlight Will could see the man he loved was still awake. His eyes, bright and glittering like brittle ice on winter mornings, were big and shining and he thought he could guess a mute question in them. "Are you very cold?" "Not a bit." "What a shame." Will smirked. "Hopeless." "Who, me?" "Today you are but a bit slow on the uptake!" "Or you are expressing yourself in an unusually indistinct way." Loki's hand found from under the covers and into Williams' hair. Tenderly, he combed his fingers through the curls, which as usual were too long and tousled by the constant wind.

“I can change this: William Arthur Harrington. I love you with every fiber of my existence and although this bond, this deep connection, this kinship of two souls stranded in today's strange times having found each other, do not need a stronger bond, I'm asking you: Will you marry me?” His beloved man had listened breathlessly, his eyes already overflowing halfway through Loki's speech. All the tension from the day, the nagging questions he had asked himself again and again - secretly and well hidden (as he thought) - fell away from him, together with tears of relief a huge feeling of happiness bubbled up in his chest. Shivering, he felt for Loki's hand, brought it to his lips and pressed them tightly to his long, elegant fingers. A small sob wound up its way from his throat. Loki moved under the countless blankets until he was quite close. " _Answer_ me."

"Yes, Loki Stark, a thousand times and more: yes, I will!", He gave a half giggle, half sob, and Loki gave him a silent answer: He kissed him, a bit timidly and somewhat cautiously at first but soon with increasing vehemence and passion, pulled him against himself and then on top, their hands feverishly seeking access to skin hungry for touch between blankets and thick pajamas. They didn't even notice they were barely properly covered and soon after only inadequately clothed, measured against the coldness of a Patagonian bedroom in early June. Between two consuming kisses Loki breathed: “Make me yours. Right now for this night ... and do it so this will burn itself into our souls _forever_ ... And soon ... _soon_ you will make me yours forever ... _Will-iam._ ” His name in such devotional manner and pleading tone in Loki's beautiful deep voice lit a blazing fire in him and the rest of his mind toppled over the edge. (...)

*

They only told the family the banal story happening in the boat and that that evening they had decided to get married. Nearly all of them were a little disappointed - _Steve_ wasn't. He was very pleased Mr. Shakespeare and Lord Byron hadn't outdone him and Bucky. Those were the little things making him happy - and somehow so lovable.

A wedding in a private house naturally required organizational preparation. The contingent had to be ordered earlier to give possible existing spouses the chance to intervene. Since, as usual, this was hardly possible due to the private location of the ceremony until the time of the actual vows, the notice had to be public longer. Half a year in advance, that was the least problem. A bigger one was: Who should perform the wedding ceremony at such an intimate private wedding? Of course, Thor immediately came in question. You could get a certificate in an online class that would qualify you as an officer. But Thor refused with regret. He felt he might not be able to put the necessary solemnity into his words. He also wanted dearly to be his beloved brother's Best Man. Elizabeth O'Mara was, of course, Will's Best Girl.

"Mother", Loki turned to Pepper, "since this is now a very traditional affair - after all, I will be handed over to my husband in my parents' house ..." There was giggling at his tone of self-irony, "Would you like to escort me to my bridegroom?" She nodded, beaming: "Oh, my darling! Yes, very much so.” Tony Stark felt a pang of disappointment. Not that he was surprised by the sheer fact ... But he was the groom's father and speaking of traditions, it was him who was supposed to lead his child to the 'altar' ... His son. The one of the four of them most like him, but despite all that so much himself so he was also the most enigmatic to him, addressed him next. “Father, you have a little more time on hand now than you've used to. Why don't you take that online class, getting the certificate between breakfast and lunch and ... ", he paused briefly, blinked because his father looked a little strange, but then decided to keep on talking: "I want ... _we_ want you to hold the ceremony for us. In your house. You, the head and ... the _heart_ of this family.” This was followed by a heavy silence.

Loki looked around in the circle of his loved ones a little unsettled. Did he say something inappropriate? Hardly really. Will's warm fingers around his cold ones gave him security. No, it had been definitely not unsuitable - everyone felt that way! Thor suppressed a cough, it didn't just sound like a throat clearing. What Jane unsuccessfully was trying to keep back _was_ a sob. Pepper's eyes were wet - Bucky's too (he was one of those who felt the 'heart of the family'-part in particular, in everything his father-in-law had given him for almost two thirds of his life! Peter was the first to recover. Sneaking at his dad, he jumped smoothly from behind on his back. It was an action so automatic by father and son through years of habit so Tony propped him under his legs without thinking and Peter was now hanging piggyback on him and called: "Reverend Tony Stark. Then a 'raise your cups'!" That released all tension and emotion and whatever else had been triggered by what Loki had done.

The reluctant relationship he had always had with his father was no secret and that this reluctance had now shrunk to nearly nothing made everyone very happy. Most of all Tony Stark himself, of course. No joke, no cynical remark left his lips. His eyes feasted on his son, in love with the man who had been one of the keys to bringing the family a little closer together. William Harrington was more than welcome and he - a genius after all - would design the best ceremony the world had ever seen for him and Loki! The circle of happy people who all gathered around Tony Stark, the _heart_ of the family, went back to the day's work of a barbeque on July 4th. They chatted, joked and laughed like every year. Tony Stark was the happiest man under God's sun, he thought. He still had his Sunny, hardly damaged, and fate had finally given him Loki, whose recognition and love he had always longed for ... His wife knew how he must feel, pressed his hand in an unobserved moment and whispered to him: “You have more than earned it, darling. I'm also very happy."

After everyone had feasted, the party party spread out a bit. Loki looked around after telling Uncle Bruce about the ancient Mayan astronomical devices they'd seen. It couldn't be true! Again it was Bucky (his _beautiful_ brother-in-law), of all people, who gesticulated wildly and spoke to William sporting his 'trademark', the dazzling beam of his smile and his sparkling silvery eyes. Wouldn't be bad if Will didn't react so ... _kindly_. He was throwing his head back and laughed out loud at a joke (probably some of those sweetly provocative frivolities, typical of Bucky's). He grinned broadly and dug his index finger into Will's chest, winked, and again his fiancé laughed out loud. The greatest miracle for Loki was: his eldest brother was standing by and was not foaming with jealousy. And that was _Steve!_ But ... he himself was penetrated by such a stinging, painful, a thousand fears-inducing sting so he did not even notice how his feet automatically carried him to the small group.

"Well, Bucky?" He said airily, his voice, in a poisonous, amiable sweet arrogance, dropping in a kind of mean indulgence from his coldly smiling lips, "What's new in the world of Allen screws and Gucci? This is _your_ whole world after all. One can ask you about.” Steve and Will stared at him in disbelief. Bucky's reaction, however, dwarfed theirs: His beaming literally collapsed. His shoulders sagged and after he pulled them up almost to his ears, bowed his head and suddenly looked several inches shorter than he was. His gaze was fixed on Loki's face full of amazement and ill-concealed hurt, and his lower lip trembled a little. It wasn't the first time his brother-in-law upset him, but that ... It dwarfed everything before. "I-I've just wanted to tell Pete something. E-excuse me .. ", he stammered hastily and turned on his heel, hurried off - as if chased by demons. Steve uttered " _Loki!_ " and hurried after his husband. William looked at his fiancé searchingly and also a bit reproachfully: "What was _that_?" Loki had been doing it for a while, teasing Bucky and degrading but as hurtful (embarrassing) as he had just done now ... He resolutely pulled him out of the fun circle of the party behind the play equipment house, hidden from view ...

Steve found him at the back of the property, where there were old trees and you could see a bit of the sea. He had been crying, he could notice... “Bucky ...!” “Steve! What have I done to Loki? I've always thought he liked me!", it gushed out of him and he went on talking without periods and commas: "Why is he always so mean to me? When he was a kid, he even asked me for advice sometimes! And even after ... after our ... Shortly afterwards... we got along so well! He said he was happy I was still part of the family and now ... Now ... he despises me for spending the family money with you, buying myself nice clothes and pretending I'm a millionaire and not a car mechanic. It’s like that, right? That's the way it is, Stevie! Oh god, do they all think so?” Bucky's fists crumpled Steve's shirt front. He was stunned by Bucky's 'relapse' and although he was happy about the new brotherly closeness to Loki - at that moment he was damned angry with him. He loosened Bucky's hands from his shirt and pulled the tense, still very small frame into his strong (not quite as carved from marble anymore) arms and his husband went quite soft, wrapping his arms around himself and sank against his chest like some kind of ball on (long) legs . Steve sighed heavily. He knew what was going on while also believing Bucky had absolutely no idea ...

Loki was not only a little ashamed. His hot, blazing feeling of burning jealousy was gone and what remained was amazement, a little fear ( _am_ I a psychopath?) and remorse. He'd always liked Bucky that much. He _really_ liked him! "Will ..." he whispered, "I'm terrible." "Darling, although there is an impulse to contradict the man I love more than anything else ... In this case ..." he had to not go on talking. "I know! All of a sudden I know ... It's just you and Bucky, I mean ... Bucky is ... isn't he _irresistible?_ " Will literally stared. "Excuse me?" Loki looked uncomfortable. "You're always like that ... he always spreading his charm on you and ... and ..." "Loki ..." breathed William, "are you ... _jealous?_ " Well, that was something he was not easy about to admit. But then again, it was absurd to pretend he wasn't when it was so obvious! "Yes ..." he sighed. Will blinked. "But ... But _why?_ " "Is there a joke in there?" Loki hissed. "The _most beautiful_ man on the east coast ..." Will had his features under control, otherwise he might have grinned. “Firstly: I'm marrying the most beautiful man _in the world_. And you don't even have to roll your eyes at that. Yes! That's you. I don't have another secret fiancé. And secondly: How did you get the idea there could be anything behind it?” Loki frowned at him.

Steve took a deep breath and got it over with in one go: "That's no excuse, but Loki is jealous." If he had hoped this would explain everything, he had been kidding himself. Bucky looked at him like he was a ghost. " _What?_ " He hissed. "Of me?" "Well, Bucky, if I didn't know you so well, I would think that would be a shameless touch of fishing for compliments." He opened his mouth, wanted to protest, but Steve went on: "But I know you better, so I'll get straight to the point. Of course, it's not something _you do_. It's all coming from what Loki feels.” Bucky blinked a little. "What?" He uttered again. “He's in love for the first time in his life and in such an intense, devouring way. It can't scare him only a little: It's _Loki_.” “Yes, I understand completely. But what does that have to do with me?” Steve sighed. “He has ... I can explain the side of a jealous person to you from some painful experience for me, for both of us. The side you don't understand.” “What do you mean by that? I can very well..." Steve interrupted him again. "But only if you've got a reason." His husband was silent. Steve was right. “Loki doesn't think or feel a bit rational here. He is plagued by frenzied fears of loss and unfortunately his flight forward is directed against you. I'm sure he's very sorry about it somewhere in him, but of course that is no excuse either. "

“You will apologize to Bucky. And not just for today.” Loki raised his head and furrowed his eyebrows at the firm and specific tone. “I have to contradict, Will. I do not share this opinion. I'm sorry I had to be that deadpan clear, but, well, Bucky has to reckon with headwinds every now and then, hasn't he?” That was only half correct, he couldn't imagine to admit his human and embarrassing weakness to anyone else but William. Not to Bucky of all people, at that. When he and Steve always thought they were the family's _match in heaven_... Loki inwardly shook his head at himself. How childish he was. What was that a ridiculous reason? But _apologizing_? "Loki, I'm sorry, but I have to insist." He stared at him with wide open eyes: "Well, I actually think, at the latest now that you are engaged - to his husband's brother! - he's supposed to stop doing it.” “Stop doing what, Loki?” He looked away, but not giving an answer would make him look even worse. So he pressed out, "Flirting with you." William looked like he had to bite his laugh. _I beg your pardon?_ "Good heavens, that's but _not_ flirting." Loki cleared his throat exaggeratedly. "Well then I don't know what else flirting is." Will laughed softly: "My sweet darling, you actually don't know, do you?" His fiancé gave him a sulky glance, but had to laugh himself.

“Loki, Bucky is one of those people who are utterly charming by their happiness in life because they willingly and generously share some of it. The fact he is happy, overjoyed and in complete harmony with himself and his life is coming out of his every pore. And it's making him adorable. I agree with you it doesn't bounce off me unnoticed. But that's definitely not his fault. He's doing this to all people who are close to him. Spreading his amiability, let his innate charm off the leash. I can understand you see things differently with me, because he's gay like me and you quite _like_ me. But I will not tolerate you do that to a person who has never done anything else in life than to be kind to you and has never twisted a hair in your life, neither literally nor metaphorically ... I cannot tolerate you behaving like this towards him and insist you apologize." Loki raised a mocking eyebrow, drawling with a thin smile: "And so I have to give in to you because you do not _tolerate_ something I'm doing and because of a certain _affection_ I've got for you?” “ _Wrong_. You don't have to _give in_ to me. Show me you are _better_ than that.” Loki's whole arrogance and pride fell from him, according to Will's profane words.

They found Steve and Bucky far back in the garden. The brunette head of long silky hair was resting in Steve's lap. He sat in the grass looking down at his husband, a tender smile on his lips, a loving glow in his features. As they got closer, Loki saw the mutual expression and the very same smile reflected on Bucky's pretty face. But one was also able to tell he was still dealing with the formerly happened matter. Loki was feeling quite guilty now. Above all, the picture presented to him was of such beauty and a deep, calm, peaceful love he was even again ashamed of himself. Bucky loved his eldest brother with such a sincerity and the deepest fondness and devotion ... There was no doubt about the fact that for Bucky there could be no other person in the whole world! And Steve, who knew that too, finally felt the same way about Bucky. Another solid foundation stone in the base of the Starks' family happiness. Something all of them could only feel grateful towards his brother-in-law… "Steve!" Will called softly. They drove apart, Bucky shot up like a jack-in-the-box toy and looked at them with wide eyes. "Sorry, Loki would like to talk to Bucky in private." The named man cleared his throat: "Yes, please, if you're allowing so. Bucky, please, it's important."

Steve pried his husband's fingers off his wrist. He hadn't even noticed he was clutching it. "I'm at the party with Will, baby." This was a good thing, he thought, and made his way back to the house with his soon to be brother-in-law. “A nice party, like every year.” Steve wasn't one for small talk when something burned on his mind: “I hope he'll apologize to Bucky. He's so upset and hurt. And hopefully _you_ know he's certainly never had the slightest bit more than a friendly interest in you.” Will blinked and had to laugh. "Stop it already. One jealous drama a day is enough for me. Who did the two of you get this from?” Tony Stark could of course have answered this, but he would certainly never dare. And he would be astonished to find out that it had not only hit Steve but also Loki - or rather, their poor partners. Well, neither of them looked to feel that poor at all ... And intelligent people learned at some point what differentiated intimate affection and pride of having won _the one_ from hurtful jealousy in a serious relationship. Steve had learned it - and Loki was, after all, extraordinarily intelligent.

When Steve and William were out of earshot, Bucky blurted out after Loki's stretched 'sooo': "Listen, if it bothers you too much, I can be talking less to Will, be more reserved. I'm sorry if I behaved inappropriately in your eyes. I'll keep it in mind and be more considerate of your feelings.” Loki stared at him. "I-if you want me to, I won't talk to him _anymore_. But it would be nice if you would tell him why, because...” “Stop it!", his brother-in-law cried out, half amused, half desperate, "Are you _scared_ of me?" Bucky laughed nervously. " _Scared_ is a rather big word in this context." Loki smiled. "You know me. Small words do not tend to appear in my vocabulary.” “And that's getting us to the crux of the matter: I'm consisting of small words, so to speak. Very small ones, such as an Allen key, left-hand thread nut and pocket square.” The younger one blushed over and over. He really had been downright mean to Bucky. Had used his job and love of beautiful clothing to humiliate him. In front of a man whom he considered a good friend and to whom he would soon be fraternally related, and in front of his own husband. Bucky did not address the disgrace, but in a soft and gentle tone said (why was everyone always kind to him while he deserved it so little): “How have you gotten the idea Will could find something in me, apart from some sweet, meaningless - and certainly _tiny_ \- words, when he's got and loves someone like you?” Loki swallowed.

"I ...", he couldn't go on, the lump in his throat was pretty large. Bucky went on: "Steve explained this to me. That might tell you I haven't had the slightest idea, you ... I mean _Steve_ had to explain the thing!" Loki laughed a bit at that, his chuckle sounding a bit _wet_ though... Bucky's features went soft. Loki reminded him vividly of the boy who the successful, so confident-looking man in front of him had once been, so many years ago. He took a step towards him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder, he squeezed it encouragingly. "Let it out, kid." Bucky had urged him to do this before.

(Loki was nine years old and had accidentally killed a frog in an adventurous experiment in the garden. Bucky, five years his senior, who had left a book outside, 'caught' him. An overview of the situation and the petrified face of the enigmatic youngest brother of his best friend told him all he needed to know. Most importantly, the boy hadn't done what happened on purpose and he was genuinely sorry. "Hey, you have to bury that poor little unlucky fellow, don't you think so?” Loki looked at him fearfully with wide eyes. Bucky frowned slightly. Was he afraid his brother's friend would tell on him or ...? No, it wasn't like that. Rather, it looked like the boy were afraid he might _loathe_ him. He crouched down, looked up at him and smiled pleasantly: "Let it out, kid." And Loki did: What had happened in an experiment and that he was so, so sorry. Finally, he sniffed, “No wonder everyone hates me.” Bucky shrugged and gave a crooked grin: “Oh, you know, I think you're nice, kid. Now bury the poor frog. There is nothing more you can do. I know you're sorry and the frog in frog heaven will find out too, you'll see.” Loki smiled shyly at him and hurried to get a shovel out of the shed. _Steve's friend was so nice!_ )

"You are so _nice_!" He burst out all of a sudden. "Oh, good you're thinking this way. Maybe otherwise I would _be_ a bit scared of you.” “Sometimes I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and suddenly out of the blue I feel like I'm stunned. If William is lying next to me, it's passing quickly, but ... sometimes he's in Canada months to be.” Loki and William haven't slept in separate rooms for a long time. “And what is it like if he's not next to you?” “Then for some very painful and agonizing moment I am convinced I've only dreamed all of this. William happening to me is still a miracle. He chose me from all people. He's the kindest, most friendly and gentlest person walking on this planet. And me? I am a _monster_ who, out of vanity, inflicts pain on a not so much less kind person. How do I deserve to be allowed to have him and his love?” Bucky took a deep breath, let it out again, tinkering with his formulation. Then he took another deep breath. “You've got William because he wants you. There is no explanation for those matters and how they go and happen. And nobody has to earn to be loved. Do you understand? I believed myself not to deserve Steve - among many other things in life that were given to me. I know better today and I will pass it on to you. As a thank you: Don't stab me in my sleep when I smiled at your fiancé too often...” Loki had to laugh.

"I'm sorry Bucky, really sorry. I was a fool.” “Oh, I myself am good at being a fool, as you know. You _are_ scary though. And I've always thought your mother was the measure of all things considering scariness. No one wants you as an enemy.” Loki grinned broadly. Bucky continued teasing: “Now I know what the gossip press's meaning when they write there is no one on Broadway who is as admired as you and at the same time so feared. Your pointy tongue is sharper than the most masterfully forged sword.” “Stop it, Bucky. Leave the big words. Otherwise I'll get jealous again." Now it was out, it hadn't been that bad at all ... His brother-in-law winked: "I've never thought you would see me as a threat. I've never had the impression you'd think I was attractive.” “You don't need to be flirtatious with me, Bucky Barnes. And _ditto_.” He raised his eyebrows almost to the hairline. “My gay awakening happened in your childhood. And the worst: I'd already known you then, a _child_. The little brother of the love of my life, too, at that. I beg your pardon.” “And Thor wasn't Steve's brother and but already so grown up at that time, so incredibly decisive two years older than me, _truly_ a man. You've always found _him_ quite adorable, obviously."

Bucky stared. Loki just knew too much. He'd always been doing so... "W-well, it's _Thor_..." he didn't even try to deny it. The slightly superior, cool smile of the brother-in-law had a small, loving note: “You didn't see me in 'Twilight of the Gods'. A toga is flattering my appearance very much.” “Are _you_ now flirting with me?” “I've just wanted to test whether you would even notice.” Bucky cocked his head: “What about us making William a little jealous?” Loki screwed up his mouth mockingly. “Go to Steve, Bucky. I'm sure he's afraid, I've eaten you alive by now.” Bucky shook his head, laughing, and turned away. "Bucky!" He looked back as he went. "I'm really sorry. Forgive me?” “Forgiven and forgetten, brother-in-law.” They gave each other an understanding smile and went back to the party after, albeit separately. The family had moved a little closer together again ...


	137. "What do you see in me at all, William Harrington?"

**"What do you see in me at all, William Harrington?"**

(New York)

The Thanksgiving party in 2040 was pretty small. Only Pepper and Tony, the Foster-Starks, and Peter and MJ were in Steve and Bucky's house. Loki and William spent their days off in Winnipeg to discuss their wedding ceremony with Liz - Will's Best Girl. Thor had resumed his studies and, moreover, it was Loki's wish to arrange this matter according to his fiancé's wishes. If it had been up to him, they would have simply gone to the town hall to sign the significant documents and done. But of course it had been clear to him from the start William would probably rather not marry him at all than like that. Just not ... _like that_. His first 'proposal attempt' had taught him a lesson! It was better not to risk anything, so he asked him to work it out with Elizabeth O'Mara without any meddling whatsoever by himself and hoped not to find himself in a hurricane of glitter, violin music and veil dance.

After it had been established Thor Stark was out of danger - Liz had held back for so long - she was about to have Loki's butt for the ugly episode having shaken 'her' William so thoroughly. But in him she did found her master. With calculated coolness, he explained rationally how one thing had led to another and how it had only been able to get its happy ending on this one single path. He _was_ convincing. How could he have known he can only reach full potential of his strength and power with William by his side, if he had never met the other side of the coin? She found him a hard nut to crack and got aware he was so amazingly similar to herself in the strength of personality and a certain relentlessness so she was even able to have found some comfort in her defeat. If Will wasn't gay, he would have married her. If she were the type to be getting married in the first place. Which she wasn't. There was a reason why marriage was the only logical consequence for Williams's great love: The major difference in their personalities was that Liz enjoyed a irregular, casual sex life too much - hardly compatible with marriage, while Loki was, again, determinedly unwavering for the rest of his life - come what may. Well, good for Will.

Thor was in good health. Not yet the same again, but on the right track. He was still having physiotherapy - primarily so as not to ambitiously strive to regain his former physique, but in a moderate and healthy manner. Morgan, eight years old, and Erik, seven, reveled in school stories. They were a bit arrogant against the 'babies' Fandral and Hela. They took it with equanimity. Fandral, four years old, didn’t leave his beloved grandma’s side and liked being 'her baby' and Hela? The two-year-old was silent and watched the events around her through large brown eyes, mostly in silence. When she spoke, her words were astounding for her age. Tony didn't even have to close his eyes to recognize Loki as a toddler in her and although he didn't want to admit, even not to himself - always with good intentions to evenly distribute his affection and attention - the silent, strange, blond, curly little thing worked her way up in his heart more and more. The late and fragile closeness to his 'problem child' still in his bones, he was simply prone to have his most complicated son 'in a mini-version' again and to make amends.

But still nobody would be able to dethrone his youngest in his heart - certainly not. Peter was still a semester away from his master's degree in engineering and would after take over the technical direction of Stark Industries. He wasn't looking like a CEO. His hair was too long, the boyish face kept laughing and he could barely hold still for a moment. He was entertaining the group around him with a living imitation of a chemist at MIT, while Bucky asked Jane about the entry time, degrees-above-the-horizon value and light scattering factors, in order to observe a supernova with Morgan via telescope in the middle of next month. It was a very cozy get-together. Thor had just put his daughter to sleep ('Daddy, my eyes need a vacation' – which was exactly the way Loki had always expressed himself.). Erik was playing a video game with Morgan. Fandral dozed in his grandmother's lap. "Now go on and ask Steve, MJ!" Peter shouted suddenly. The addressed looked a little uncomfortable. Several pairs of eyes were fixed on her curiously. She gave herself a jerk.

“What do you think of New York's range of nonprofit educational institutions?” “You mean community colleges?” “Among other institutions. Although it is very late to give underprivileged young people a chance only after a failed career at a public ghetto school. But my focus is actually on the city's community colleges. What do you think of them?” “Well, the education committee also deals with the concerns of the largest non-profit educational institutions. What strikes me is that they are nearly all firmly in the hands of religious communities. There is a large group of applicants who are turned away for flimsy reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. Every college has the right to reject or exclude applicants who violate their statutes. "

"And what are examples of violations of the statutes in pretty much every religion?" "Divorce, illegitimate motherhood, promiscuity, homosexuality, there are tons of discriminatory statutes. From us here in this room, almost with everyone there could be found reason to turn them down.” “They would only accept Peter. Because you forgot one thing: atheism.” “Hey!” Laughed Peter, “do I look like a churchgoer?” “Yes,” MJ chuckled, “but for you it has something to do with the fact you yet are in the most privileged group of people - whom are always accepted: White, heterosexual men from good backgrounds. Whom who are least dependent on community college education. And yet they are full of them. Those young men are taking valuable college places out of the system - completely unnecessarily.“ Peter, who of course had donated a generous sum for the two years at Community College and thus financed some college places, did not feel addressed.

Everyone was fascinated by the conversation, not only Steve, which was to be expected, but Thor, who was pursuing a career in education, his wife, who cared about it bacause of her man, and Pepper and Tony, who were naturally regarded the smart young woman as their daughter-in-law. Peter, of course, and also Bucky, who was always ready to listen when it came to discrimination against minorities. "I too have figured certain ideas..." Thor mused to the group. Everyone looked at him expectantly. “I can imagine adding a non-profit preschool to an educational institution for adults, along with day care for the youngest, nursery school and afternoon care for older kids. Childcare is simply too expensive for many families with poor backgrounds. The parents run off with two or three jobs, hand over the children, have no time for a proper education and the children's careers are predicted. You can hardly get out from far below. Very few are at the same time smart and strong enough to walk this hard, long and rocky road.” He smiled warmly at the young sister-in-law. Her performance impressed him enormously.

“This is very nice of you, Thor, but for some time now I have always been able to count on the support of a very rich family. It has set me free at times.” She glanced sideways at Bucky, who winked at her in reference to their first personal conversation at a fateful theater premiere. “Very few are this lucky. And for the large group who aren't you urgently have to do something.” “You are on your way to the right place to make a difference, MJ, that's what you've been working and fighting for for so long.” MJ looked at her mother-in-law skeptically. "Washington DC?" She snorted. “No one on Capitol Hill has the slightest interest in expanding the elite circle of the privileged. Some time ago, 'divide and rule' became 'govern and don't give away a bit of the cake'. Everyone laughed at the apt remark. “You surely have suggestions for improvement. What do you have in mind?” Tony asked her bluntly. MJ got a little embarrassed. Her thoughts were not too well-balanced and to a man like Tony Stark you didn’t like to come up with half-baked ideas. Peter burst out, "We want to start our own community college!" "Pete!" MJ groaned.

Everyone spoke at once. Michelle 'MJ' Jones, disappointed and frustrated by politics, rotting like a moldy tree stump, had already switched to a master's degree program in education and public administration in her second master's semester. “I've decided to rattle up the system from the other side. What this country needs is education for the oppressed and left behind - this is the only way, to raise up a generation that changes something where you can really make a difference: at the ballot boxes.” She made the family speechless. Under the table, Bucky felt for Steve's hand and they exchanged an understanding squeeze. He knew this fire from his husband, who went exactly the same way. To combat evil, it is advisable to start with the roots, nurture and care for young plants, gently shaping them in the process. Many of Steven Stark's students - although from largely wealthy families - joined charitable organizations or those for equality and climate protection. That was Professor Stark's doing.

“The example could catch on all over the country!” Peter excalimed excitedly. “We need the appropriate media hype and some - let's call them ambassadors. The most innovative inventor in the world wouldn't be bad, along with the most successful CEO Wall Street has ever seen and I also thought of the most mysterious New York theater director, you know: for the exotic breeze and a certain renowned scientist who postponed ambitious plans to avert a serious threat to her family.” Jane blushed and Thor shook his head, smiling: "Peter, that is perhaps shameless.", He laughed, "So you want to cannibalize my miraculous salvation?" Enough time had passed; everyone could laugh about it. “Shameless, Thor? But your favorite brother was allowed to take the career boost with him? How was that? 'Not only a young genius, but also a philanthropist: Loki Stark, a misunderstood eccentric?'” Everyone burst out laughing. The family would never stop teasing Loki with the then flowery headlines in the feature pages of many newspapers. He took it with humor, viewing it as an undesirable side effect of the Divine Comedy's success, and the crease between his fine eyebrows was never really deep at the teasing.

Amazingly quiet in the lively discussion, the enthusiastic embellishments of the idea with the working title 'The Jones' and Stark's Education Foundation and Association', the jokes and hymns of praise for the young couple had been only one: Tony Stark. And of all people, it was noticed by the lively chattering center of it: Peter. When his father apologized inconspicuously, everyone at the table barely noticed and went on chatting, he followed him, also barely noticed because Steve was giving one of his fiery speeches - infected again by burning idealism. Bucky beamed at with starry eyes - which his mother-in-law always liked. MJ remembered the professor he had been to her: formidable and boyish at the same time, a trouble-seeker with his heart in the right place. Thor and Jane didn’t get to see the show very often and had a lot of fun.

Peter found his father at the kitchen table. Lost in thought, his forehead propped up in one hand, he played with the fringes of a crookedly woven, brightly colored doily, a 'work' of Morgan's from handicraft lessons. "Dad?" Tony Stark winced, looked at his youngest son, his expression neutral and controlled. But he couldn't fool him. He had always been too open, too honest and too close to the boy for that all his life. “Why don't you let yourself be celebrated a little longer, my boy? You deserve it. It's a great idea, and a damn good thing. You make me very proud." Peter sighed, slipped onto the bench next to his father (the one for the younger guests - it was a bit raised. Tony often joked he should have had it forever - for himself).

“You are drawing the wrong conclusions, Dad. Outrageous, I know, but it happens.” “Is that so?” He tilted his head to look at 'his baby' crookedly. "Yes I think so. What could be the reason you are expressing your pride in me but at the same time appearing as if you are the only one though enthusiastic about the matter, like everyone else, but not _happy_?” “You've said I'm drawing the wrong conclusions. You tell me, Spiderling." Peter made it simple: "My place is at the top of Stark Industries. My active part in the project will only be my obscene wealth. Well, maybe one or another guest lectures that non-school students can also listen to for good money. But otherwise? It's Michelle's idea and her baby. I'm just the sponsor.” Tony stared at him for a long moment, then hugged his son tightly and wordlessly. Nobody mentioned the silent tears falling on both sides ...

(Winnipeg)

William Harrington hadn't touched his breakfast for a long time. With his chin on his hand, he looked dreamily at his fiancé, who was reading an essay in a literary journal intently while scribbling notes in the margin. At that moment Loki noticed it had gone quiet in the kitchen, no more clinking of cutlery, no clacking from putting down a cup. He looked up and found William staring. He blushed violently. The younger one laughed out softly.

"What is this? A tender bridal blush? How fitting.” Will wrinkled his nose. "27 days. I can hardly wait.” “I find that remarkable. When, after all, you haven't already endured a cruelly long engagement period in deep longing. We're at the breakfast table after a night spent together. I can't quite think of what a marriage would change between us. What you seem to expect from married life worries me almost a little. If you expect from me as your husband differently than me, whom you already have, then you will find yourself in undoubtedly miserable company: Millions of people of the last eons who have been disappointed by marriage." Will chuckled: "You are but _awful_.” Loki raised his eyebrows. “Yes”, Will stated firmly, “you are!” “You knew what you were getting. And if you imagine our marriage to be so rosy, I can't help but put: We could have gotten married in the town hall ten days after our return from South America. You could have enjoyed the full experience for almost half a year."

His fiance was giggling again like ... - _a bride_. Loki, returning to his article, rolled his eyes. Will said with a clearly audible smile: “I don't think I want to marry you anymore at all. Your maliciousness sucks. Yes, I'm taking my consent of engagement back. I don't want you anymore.” Loki didn't even look up. “I dare to be doubting.” “You sure are a toffee-nosed ninny.” “What was that? What-nosed ninny? That's sure some nasty thing from the darker shadowy parts of British English.” Loki still wasn't looking up from his important essay. “You'll see how stupid you're looking in front of your family when I tell you 'no'.” Loki tossed the magazine and the pen next to his plate with a little snort. When he looked at William, the corners of his mouth were mockingly twisted, but his eyes were warm. “Something is telling me you're trying to get my attention. Well, here you go: _my attention_.” “I've chosen the music. The one when I'm waiting for you and your mother finally will take you to me. _Air -_ Johann Sebastian Bach. It's perfect.” Loki had decided not to be malicious anymore. He knew when it was enough. Reaching out a hand for Will to take, he had to admit he liked his glowing eyes and flushed cheeks – Will was adorable.

“Tell me why it's perfect, dear.” “It's bittersweet and has little, but still present, melancholy. And I can feel so much hopeful yearning and yearning hope when listening to it. But there is also a calm and deep peace. And last but not least, however, a touch of Storm and Stress. It's perfect.” The tender facial expression belied Loki's next words. “And then I suspected you would not only wish a _touch_ of Storm and Stress for our marriage. Passionate words of love and two orgasms in one night must have fooled me.” William snorted. “I'm throwing a pancake at your head in a moment. Come on, let's get dressed and go hiking.” “Oh no. My punishment's following on the spot. Showers of sleet have been reported. Worst weather imaginable for a hike. Right after apocalyptic rains of fire.” “Don't be a wimp. Are you wondering about my prejudice against New Yorkers? It's only weather!” And since Loki Stark was _no_ wimp and he _had_ a weakness for the pleading look in his fiancé's eyes (and for his fiancé generally), he grumbled while getting dressed in the Canada-late November-the crazy man I love, wants go on a hike-hiking gear.

It wasn't that bad. There were no sleet showers and the fog blowing in tatters over the banks of the Red River only contributed to the scenery. Their cheeks were flushed - at a crisp seven degrees below zero - and it was harder and harder for Loki to not be infected by William's barely suppressed buzzing excitement. But he still had to tease him all the time. "I want a sprig of mistletoe!" Will called when he pointed out a mistletoe in a gnarled bare tree to Loki. “What, like, right now?” “No! You don't have to climb a tree for me. On _the day._ ” “The archaic god, whose namesake I am, killed Baldur, Odin's son with a mistletoe, with the help of a ruse. I suppose this is not the reason why you want one at our wedding.” “I am not a son of Odin's, what do I have to fear? A mistletoe, Loki. It's romantic!” “Oh, I see. You hope to finally get my attention through the skillful installation of this kiss enforcer and to be able to steal a small chaste kiss from me. Naturally. That is understandable after an eternity of unfulfilled longing and hope.” Will gave no answer. _Oh_. Loki stopped.

"William ..." He didn't look at him when he said, "I know all of this is too much for you - and nonsensical and pseudo after years in a committed relationship. But: I went to the town hall after a ten day banns to get married without all of that. It didn't bring me any luck." Loki swallowed. He took some quick steps - his lover had walked on - to catch up with him. He pulled him at his arm and when he looked into his face there was nothing left of the buzzing excitement, the joy and the beaming. He took a deep breath. "Forgive me...?" It sounded like a question. When he again got no answer, he took Will by both upper arms looking him intently in the face. “I'll spoiling this for you. I'm unpalatable. All day long I have been enjoying your serene, radiant happiness and yet I can't manage to give you this tiny bit. To allow your rewarding spark to jump on me. I could easily make you happy with it and yet I am what I always am. Cold and arrogant and malicious and heartless. What do you see in me at all, William Harrington?” There was no coquetry in his words. Will smiled a little.

“I'm 41. Let's start with two orgasms in one night. Thanks for that.” Loki raised an eyebrow - a very characteristic expression. "You're not seriously thankful for sexual climaxes?" “More for the matter itself, I guess.” His fiancé raised his second eyebrow to connect it to the first." William. I haven't made love to you _by courtesy_ for a long time. In any case, only very rarely. I can't help feeling a certain disappointment this has been kept hidden from you. Maybe _I_ have to leave _you_ be. I think I ... Yes, I don't want you anymore.” The smaller man bit his lip, clinging to a clearly visible laugh. "You really suck." "There you are again, my darling." Loki took off a glove and put his bare hand on Will's cheek. He smiled lovingly: "I like you that way." His fiancé dropped back his head a little and closed his eyes. Loki understood. As they parted a little breathlessly, William looked deep into his eyes:

“I see in you that when you realize you are entangled in the fine snares of a love affair - a tightrope act even for ordinary people - you relentlessly call your inadequacies by their name and pronounce the mistakes you think you're making. From there on, there is always a quick way to move forward. I can no longer imagine having a love relationship any other way in life. You spare me so much. And it's time for me to take a leaf out of your book - finally. Rather tell you if you are too insensitive to my taste. I can spare us a lot, too, I guess.” “Is it not me who's supposed to learn from you? I'm hardly a particular role model when it comes to that.” “Just because you're having a relationship differently from most people doesn't mean they are right and you are wrong. We can be learning from each other. I'm starting right away: don't be so insensitive. This means a lot to me and if you like my glow and happiness so much, make sure of it.” Loki's lips curled up, his eyes sparkled. "Is there a nasty surprise imminent and you'll be one of those quarrelsome husbands who thump their fist on the table?" "What would you want to do about it, if I were?" His smile turned into a smirk, the twinkle in his eyes sparkled with mischief: "I know how sweet and tender and soft you're getting from orgasms, William Harrington." Will was speechless for a moment before he laughed out: " _Malicious!_ "

From then on Loki kept thinking about this conversation.

When Will went to his best girl in the evening to plan romance and glamour and glitter, Loki called someone he thought being able to help him – the best out of everyone he knew. The best damn high school party planner for - which was rumored - a decade!

Bucky and Loki had come back to good terms after the barbeque and were as informal as in earlier times. Actually even more informal: the age difference of five years felt more and more irrelevant over the years.

"'lo?" "Bucky? Loki here, I ... " "Argh, _crap thing_." It came through the ether suppressed. "I beg your pardon?" "Oh hi, Loki? Aren't you in Winnipeg?” “Yeah," he said slowly, "and I have a cell phone and there are cell towers in Canada too. Incidentally, I would prefer you not to greet me with 'argh, crap thing'. You _are_ but resentful.” “What? Oh that! I'm screwing around this nasty garbage chute, it's stuck. I guess Morgan thought chicken bones would be as easy to chop up as creamed spinach.” “Guinea pig bones are even more solid, I would say.” “Ha ha, don't risk my daughter's displeasure on you and yes! I know there is cellular in Canada too. I'm more wondering what there is to discuss when you're with Will.” “I can call again later when you can feed the garbage disposal again.” “Already happened, the _crap thing_ is unstuck.” “Congratulations.” “Why are you calling?” “I ... I need your help with the wedding.” “Really?" Bucky squealed in delight. That was to be expected. Loki had already held the phone a little away with foresight. "Yeah, really." Loki stated matter-of-factly. "I feel a little inappropriately unromantic and could use some suggestions on how to spark some wedding magic for William." Bucky laughed a little.

"Unromantic, you? You talk to the fruit and vegetable saleswoman as you do to your friends from the literary circle, even if it's only about some celery.” “Confidently leave the talking to me, Bucky. It's all about... the ambience, the mood.” “Don't you know what to wear?” “Are you kidding? Bucky, this is a wedding. What am I supposed to wear but a suit?” “Is Will wearing one too?” “What kind of strange question is that? What else would he be wearing? We're getting married!” “Well, if you ask me, Will always looks uncomfortable when he's wearing a suit. As if he were costumed.” “Yes, maybe, but what can we do? It's a ... Seriously, Bucky, how often do I have to repeat it?” “I've actually got it the first time already - it's a wedding.", his brother-in-law laughed. “So.” “So what? I'm telling you a secret: It's _your_ wedding. "

"Why aren't you the help I was hoping for?" "Who says I'm not?" "Your foolish remarks and your tone of voice implying you don't take me serious." Bucky chuckled: "My foolish remarks're implying ... I bet your groom's getting wet panties when you're talking like that. I'm getting an ugly flashback from advanced English class.” “Take care of Steve's wet underwear, Bucky.” “But yes, I'm doing the laundry regularly.” “Have you had a clown for breakfast?” “Come on, Loki, say it and mean it.” “What?” he growled annoyed.

“You need my savvy gay advice.” “Well, you _are_ gay. And Will is gay.” “While you ... love a man, have sex with a man, and get married to a man. Fortunately, all of those are the same man. Does this boil down to a hashtag _no homo_?” “Don't be ridiculous. There is more to the spectrum than gay or not gay.” “You're right. Go ahead, Hamlet. What's the problem?” “The extent to which William's ideas differ from mine when it comes to approaching a wedding is unexpectedly high.” “Does it surprise you?” “A little. I've thought my suggestion to agree with everything he's planning would be enough. But...” “But it ... how was that? Doesn't imply the right message?” “You're an idiot."

"I do know. But it doesn't surprise me. Rather, it surprises me you are surprised, but that doesn't matter now. You want to spray a little wedding magic, but of course - which I also strongly recommend - be yourself. You don't want William to feel like he's getting married to me.” “Bucky... _Careful_.” The brother-in-law laughed. “First of all: this is a very private thing, your wedding ceremony. At your parents' house, only the closest family and a good friend who, as I have heard, is welcomed by Will in pajamas regularly.” “That's correct.” The penny didn't drop, Bucky noted.

"Loki. You can be wearing what you want. What if one of you wants to get married in a tutu and the other in a diving suit, who cares? We all love you and we don't care what you're wearing.” “A wedding in a tutu?” “You're not part of the community - you have no idea.” “So when I suggest to give our clothing a more personal touch, I'm making him happy?” “Above all, you're making him happy when you finally start to be interested in the matter at all.", Bucky said dryly. Loki was silent and ... _ashamed_. He really could have figured it out much earlier. Bucky went on: “But this thing about personal touch is a bit tricky with the two of you. You'd still be wearing a terribly elegant suit and Will would certainly feel inappropriately dressed in his teacher's uniform.” “Is there a solution?"

“Indeed there is: a motto wedding. Will is gay, he'll love it!” “A ... _motto_ wedding ... ", said Loki drawn out." "Listen: I'm not coming to you with pirates or kidnapping from the Seraglio - I've seen it all - but think and look at it: you're getting married on Christmas Day and your fiancé is the most romantic person on earth. Christmas is the Celebration of Love. You can't possibly have more romance!” Loki stared amazed into space ...“Loki?” “I ... I'm still there. This is ... Bucky, this is brilliant! Are you ready for a little visual upgrade next week? I think I have ideas for the power of words!” “Always ready, brother-in-law. We're talking about a themed wedding and I am - _surprise_ – gay!” Loki said goodbye with a laugh.

William came home late. Loki was already asleep. His fiancé was a bit tipsy ('Don't get me drunk, Liz!' - 'I know my bridesmaid's duties, Willie!'). A little clumsy as he was, he woke Loki. "W-what time is it?" "Not too late for a goodnight kiss, I hope," he said with a giggle. "Have you brushed your teeth?" "Yes, Mommy." When William had finally worked his way under the covers, Loki pulled him close. "Dearest, I want to be more involved in planning our wedding. If I may, you'll have your good night kiss." Will giggled again: "I do a lot for a kiss from you, but I don't get married without flowers or music.” “And you don't have to either. William Arthur Harrington, do you want to see me sweeping you off your feet creating a little magic? I want you to have your beautiful wedding, I really want to.” Will hiccups in surprise. "Really n-hic-now?" Loki laughed softly. “I should have figured much earlier. Forgive me ...?" Again that hidden question... "You don't say anything. I'm even getting you a mistletoe, promise.” Will had to laugh. Loki took the laughter from his lips. It was a very nice goodnight kiss ...


	138. The Fucking best High School Party Planner...

**The Fucking best High School Party Planner...**

The big day was there. William woke up in the guest room of a relatively small house in a quiet suburb of the New York Bronx. He was awakened by the happy melody and words of 'Rudolp the Red-nosed Reindeer' in much more than room volume from the living room next door. "Merry Christmas dad, Merry Christmas papa!" Cheered Morgan Buchanan Stark in an equally not-too-low volume. Steve's carrying baritone rumbled, "Merry Christmas, honey!" while it remained unclear whether Bucky owed his daughter an answer. Will looked at the clock. Six twenty. _Ah._ Bucky wasn't a very talkative person at that time of day. The door to the guest room was thrown open. "Morgan, no!" Steve shouted, but too late. “Merry Christmas, Will! Later today you will be my uncle!” “I'm coming, give me a minute,” he called. "Sleepyhead! Just like papa.” Morgan pulled the door shut noisily. Will trudged into the ensuite bathroom, paused to think about getting dressed, but soon decided that on Christmas morning one was adequately dressed in pajamas and a bathrobe. He washed his face, brushed his teeth and set off following the sounds of - meanwhile - 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas'.

He thought of how it had come about that the night before his and Loki's wedding he stayed at Bucky and Steve's while his groom waited at his parents' house with his best man Thor, to be later led 'to the altar' on his mother's arm.

(The night before, Loki, who was about to get into the limousine his brother and Best Man had rented for stag night, took him to a taxi. "Stay good!", Will said jokingly. "But yes. And you too! But I'm not worried. You're spending the night with Steve, Morgan and old Christmas movies. Bucky is not at home." Will rolled his eyes and got in the cab. Before that, still in the apartment, Loki had asked: "You're still sure, William Arthur Harrington, will you still marry me?” “What's the question? Of course!” Will laughed. Loki pulled him to the safe, opened it and took out the precious cherry wood jewelry box which contained the family ring. He presented the piece of jewelry with the coat of arms of the Bianchis - Tony's mother's family - a stylized symbol of watchmakers - the wealth of the Italian side of the family was based on luxurious chronometers - was curved in a deep black gemstone embedded in shimmering gold.

“It's not a diamond ring, as engagement rings are supposed to be, and I'm not expecting you to wear this monstrosity forever. But take it from me as a pledge for my promise of marriage until I put our wedding ring on you. It's not onyx, by the way, it's a rare black sapphire.” With that, Loki took the heavy ring out of the box, stretched out one hand and Will, a little breathless, put his right one into it, trembling. "William, be mine and part of my family." He pushed the heavy and surprisingly not at all cold ring onto his little finger. For his 18th birthday Loki had asked his father, whom on his own had previously received his family ring, to have it made to the size of his middle finger. Will didn't have as slender fingers as he did, but on the small one - the traditional place for signet rings since time immemorial – there it fitted like a glove. He stared at his hand. “That's ... big.” “Yes. But tiny, measured by the love I'm feeling for you.” “I ... am speechless.” “That doesn't matter. You don't have to speak when you're kissing me." William loved to do so!)

“ _Dearest, I want to be more involved in planning the wedding. Do you want to see me sweeping you off your feet creating a little magic? I'm getting you a mistletoe, promise._ ” The memory made him feel comfortably warm with happiness. As he had promised, Loki would tell him in detail what had happened in New York in the past few weeks on their honeymoon in Italy. He trusted Loki - and Bucky, who apparently had much of the planning on site in his hands. That's why he was here, in his and Steve's house. Liz would pick him up at eleven o'clock with the limo that was supposed to take him to his groom …

(Loki lost no time back in New York after the Thanksgiving holiday. The next day he asked Bucky to meet and urged him to come over the very same day after work. "Hey, how are you? You had a good flight?" “Yes, thanks for asking. Come in." He led Bucky to the small living room and poured him a glass of water. "So? Motto wedding." "Oho! See, you're a man on a mission – none of that small talk for me." Loki raised a shoulder. "23 days.” “Yes, of course that's an argument. What are Will and his best girl up to?” “If you ask me, Liz is just as overwhelmed with wedding romance as me. Their planning meetings all end up getting drunk. An endless bachelor party.” “How is she like?” “Elizabeth O'Mara is a tough nut to crack. She doesn't trust anyone and Will is her 'project'. Something like a puppy she adopted." Bucky smiled. He knew that from his best girl... "So the planning is not far gone?” “I do imagine so.” “It's good you've got me! I've already thrown one or the other party. Did you know that? I won a prize for my 2019 winter ball!” “Everyone knows, Bucky. You _mentioned_.” The brother-in-law laughed at him: “Not just once, it looks.” Loki smirked, but quickly got all businesslike.

"Back to the problem: Liz won't be able to make William's wedding the way he deserves it - full of magic and romance and my Best Man ... Well, Thor may be romantic, but he's got as good as no more contacts and can certainly not get hold of any arrangements at short notice. But I can't possibly ask you to tackle such a time-consuming project. You have a lot to do yourself, you've got a family and..” “Loki!", He was interrupted, his brother-in-law beamed at him like the sun, "I've dreamed of this for as long as I can remember! To plan a wedding! I've never been Best Man and that was what I would have loved most about it. Looking dignified in front of the altar and hold out a ring at the right moment, in any case, it wasn't. You make me more happy with it than I do to you.” Loki remembered something Will had said to him at the last barbecue about Bucky's lovableness coming from his happiness, and nothing making him more enchanting than sharing it. This was one of those moments. He smiled automatically, couldn't help it. “If you enjoy it so much, so be it. But then I don't have to give you anything for Christmas.” Bucky laughed. “But I already have something for you.” “Your bad luck.” “So? Will you let me have fun with your wedding?” Loki smiled warmly at him. "I'm asking you for it."

"Well. Where do we start? Yes, I know! What is Will doing right now?” “How am I about to know? We don't text each other every detail like Steve and you do.” “Tsas. Be good, Loki.” “He was going to correct essays.” “Poor thing! But that means he's busy. Just give Mrs. O'Mara a call, preferably by video. I want to speak to her.” “I'm calling her to ask if she's got the time and the mood for a video chat, you'd rather mean.” Bucky giggled, “Yeah, addressed in a time-consuming way, that's correct.” After some minutes, Bucky looked expectantly at Loki's StarkBook next to his brother-in-law. The live feed of a beautiful red-haired woman in her early 40s against the backdrop of a tasteful study popped up.

“Liz, I would like you to get to know my brother-in-law.” “Good evening Mrs. O'Mara. I am married to Loki's older brother Steven. My name is James Barnes, but please call me Bucky.” “ _Liz_ , please. Hello... _Bucky_.” He laughed. "Yeah, I know that's more like a name for a dog or a horse..." ( _or a stripper_ she thought) "...actually it was Steve's idea ... _ouch_... 28 years ago. Funny story, but why we're calling: Loki asked me to unleash some wedding magic because he ... let's not kid ourselves: A Macbeth themed wedding would certainly be award-worthy, but hardly something to charm Will." Liz had to laugh. James 'Bucky' Barnes was pretty funny! Loki had artistically rolled his eyes at the Macbeth comment.

“I need you for that. After all, you being his best girl know best what he wants. How far are the two of you in?” Elizabeth O'Mara looked a bit uncomfortable. “We're arguing a lot about what to wear. I let him try on the latest regular fit from Armani, the Prince-of-Wales with Jaquard ...” “A great suit! I also tried it on last week. I'm still undecided.” “He hated it.” Bucky laughed. “That's him. Will and fashion. It's like Excel and ease of use. Just not compatible.” Liz raised her eyebrows. A computer science joke? Had the man googled it? That was very unlikely, however - as spontaneous as the call was. "You're right about that, Bucky." "Well, and that brings me straight to the point: this wedding is a very private affair. Besides you, only Loki's parents, his brothers and their spouses will be there - and the children of course. They certainly don't care what he and Will are wearing. My daughter Morgan would probably come in a soccer jersey if I didn't tell her what to wear!” “What are you getting at, Bucky?” There was real interest in her voice now.

“They're getting married at Christmas. That calls for a themed wedding. I know, a pretty gay thing, but: I'm telling you a secret: William _is_ gay and this is a gay - sorry Loki...", he gave his brother-in-law a sly glance, "... on the spectrum between gay and non-gay wedding.” Loki rolled his eyes again, but Liz laughed. “I like you, Bucky. What gay things do you have in mind?” “Christmas sweaters!” Loki groaned. Liz's eyes widened and Bucky was beaming like ... Yeah, like a Christmas tree. "But that has to be something of a surprise for Will, I think, and that's where you come in." "What can I do?"

She was infected by the enterprising spirit and the sparkling 'Christmas romance and love' flair Loki's gay brother-in-law exuded. There was also a certain degree of education in his way he was speaking. Would she have to reconsider some of her prejudice? “Convince him to wear a reasonably comfortable suit and on the big day I'm gonna make sure he's wearing something he really feels comfortable in. A cozy, cuddly Christmas sweater.” “Sure thing. And the rest?” “You can safely leave that to me. Do some planning with him, lull him to be safe, I'll take care of the Christmas themed wedding. What do you say, Liz? "

“I say: be gay, Bucky! As gay as you can be!” He laughed. "My easiest task!" They ended the chat. Loki looked at him, not only a little recognition in his eyes. “You're a real _nutcracker_. Good heavens. Elizabeth O'Mara - a woman almost more frightening than mother - has eaten out of your hand.” Bucky chuckled. "Nah. She just wants her baby dog to be happy.” “And you want that too, am I right?” Bucky frowned. "What do you mean by that?" "You want this to be a nice wedding for Will." He looked a bit nervous immediately. "For both of you. It's clear, isn't it?” Loki smiled: “I won't get jealous and stab you in your sleep, don't worry.” Bucky laughed out loud.

“I'm being completely honest: I'm doing this because I think it's awesome. It's always been a dream of mine. But do you know? I've always liked you. When I met you, you were still a child - me too, but a _bigger_ child - and, to put it in my words from back then: You were _cool_.” Loki grimaced doubtfully. "But yes! You were always yourself, you didn't pretend and I ... well, I also learned early not to pretend and to be myself, but you were an actual champ at it!” “Bucky, it's not art not to pretend when you simply can't do it.” “And yet you always looked so perfectly in terms with yourself. You and me, we were kind of in the same boat. Different from other people. I've always felt connected to you and now? You're getting married, you've found happiness. Maybe I just want to do a little bit to increase said happiness ... I don't know, I'm not that good with words. William is a great addition to this family and I want him to feel a thousand percent welcome, just as I was able to experience. A 'dream wedding' is a good ingredient, don't you think?"

Loki gave him a very intense and inscrutable look. “You're making me nervous, seriously.” Bucky chuckled. Loki gave a jerk. "Our family means a lot to you," he stated, quite simply. “All of you, this family, _my_ family means the world to me, Loki!” He exclaimed passionately, “You people are everything I have always wished for and more. And I would do anything to...” he paused, a bit overwhelmed by his feelings. His brother-in-law went on speaking for him: “...to strengthen the happiness and base of the family. I see, Bucky. And I am deeply moved. You yourself are an indispensable ingredient in what this family needs and what it is. We can all be very happy to have you. We love you. All of us. I hope you know this." Bucky half sniffed, half gave a little laugh: "It's nice to hear.” “You're welcome."

They decided - which was Loki agreeing with Bucky's ideas - to hold the ceremony in front of the fireplace, which would be given a festive look made of branches and Christmas decorations for this noble occasion. “Because of the children we unfortunately have to do without candles - not entirely - but we cannot have as many as I would like. I can also work with fairy lights. I can certainly play around with the subject of Northern England a bit. Or do you think Canada more suitable? Does he feel more like an Englishman or more than a Canadian?” “Spontaneously I would say Canadian, but then again, marriage has so much to do with tradition and, well, England has so, too.” “That was a non-answer. But well. I can certainly interweave the topics a little.” “You can leave that to me, I'm sending you some insights.”

"Alright. What is Will's favorite color?” “It's not that easy to answer.” Bucky laughed in disbelief: “Does that mean you don't know?” “You can't even tell how much we know about each other. Thoughts, dreams, fragments of emotions we vividly remember having to do with matters which in most people won't elicit a breath of feeling or thought.” “Woah woah woah, get off your horse, mister, you don't _know_.” “It's one of those oh-so-banal questions couples, _people_ all over the world asking each others. Do you know which book Steven loved so much to never have dared to read it a second time – out of fear he might find a flaw, even if it was only a tiny blemish, in a work being perfect for him?” “Steve's favorite color is blue.“, Bucky answered dead serious. Loki had to laugh.

“It's not that I don't know. William is very fond of red. It's just that I don't give it a predominant priority when it comes to the design of our wedding. He doesn't have a lot of red in his house, for example.” “Predominant priority? I've just wanted to know what color your sweater has to be. I've never seen you in red before. But I'm sure it'll look pretty good on you, so...” “Red is a too aggressive message for me. Even though I work at the theater, I prefer a serious demeanor.” “But for a marriage out of love - especially at Christmas - it's not an unsuitable color, is it?” “I don't know if I like the idea of you choosing what I'm wearing." Bucky raised his eyebrows, Loki went on quickly: "I already know what you want to say. Nobody's dressing as well as you are. We are all aware.” Bucky blinked and grinned crookedly.

“I haven't meant to. If you choose your sweater yourself, you can also wear one of your elegant suits. And that's the point: we want Will to be comfortable. Therefore your style has to be coordinated. He knows he doesn't look so good next to you in a suit. Who does so anyway? I've known your Christmas sweaters over the years and they hardly deserved this name, as stiff and unsuitably elegant all of them were. That's why I'm choosing your sweaters. No resist talking. Which color do you particularly like on Will?” Loki suppressed a smile. Bucky really did take it seriously. A _themed_ wedding. The last thing you'd expect from him - Loki Stark. Will will fall out of the blue and he would get him back to heaven on their special day. He was slowly starting to enjoy this! “Actually I love him in white, but I don't want him to think I want to force the bride-in-white role onto him.” “I see. And is there a second place, color-wise?” “You won't like to hear, but I like him very much in black too.” “No, it's good! Black goes best with red.", Bucky smiled.

“We could still work on the timing, which ultimately affects whether we need a limousine. Or do you want a carriage? That is certainly very expensive on Christmas Day, but I know how little headache you get from spending money." Loki's eyebrows threatened to disappear into his hairline. "Father was very clear about the inheritance: 'Enjoy it while I still have fun watching you doing so.'" His brother-in-law smirked: "And now I'm helping you with it. It's a small wedding, but as everyone knows, the smallest things are often the most expensive." He stared into space for a moment - thoughtfully - and said:

“Which brings me to my next topic: rings. You don't have engagement rings, so your wedding rings don't have to go with anything. You never wear rings anyway, and I've never seen Will with one either. Plain golden rings are then probably the most suitable. However, it would be nice for the ceremony to add a touch more ... _drama_. You Stark guys all have the family signet ring, don't you?” “It's in the safe and when I put it on, it's like its weight is pulling me to the ground.” Bucky laughed. Steve wore his sometimes, but he had such big hands and strong fingers it didn't look like a thumbscrew on him. “Put it on your bridegroom as a token of your family's solidarity with the newest member. You can be wearing plain rings in everyday life, if at all.” Loki nodded.

“That's it for now. I do a bit of thinking and will play around with BARF as a test. I'm getting back on you. And you text me everything you can think of. Have a little talk with Mrs. O'Mara from time to time. She can keep silent, right?” “I assume so. And Bucky ...?” “Yes?” “Have mercy when choosing my sweater." He left the apartment laughing.)

Thor and Loki had slept in their old rooms. For the first time the family had not celebrated Christmas Eve in full and for the first time not under the tree in the living room. While Steve was watching old Christmas movies with William and Morgan in their little house, his parents were with Peter and MJ in Loki's apartment with Jane and the children. Bucky put together the 'wedding hall', which he insisted on. Elizabeth O'Mara was with him to 'help' but actually just stood by and stared. In her life she had never been so mistaken about anyone as she was in James 'Bucky' Barnes ...

(Thor and Loki drove half the night through Manhattan in a limousine celebrating a bachelor party. A bunch of women followed the two attractive men from every bar and club into the street and waved cheerfully after the limousine. Thor, who lived a life as a family man in Arizona, dealt with it much more clumsily than his cosmopolitan little brother. Many a heated glance was exchanged, many a hand kissed, one or the other happy gay young man got pinched in the bottom and the Broadway legend Loki Stark set many hearts on fire. His theater personality was a side of his Thor'd known about, but experienced in the flesh? At least not for years and never for hours and he couldn't remember ever having seen Loki so easy-going in a night of clubbing. They sank into the back of the seat in front of the Rogue bar. Whistles and giggles, mixed with high squeaks, goodbye-calls followed the rolling vehicle. "You are no longer surprised by the press about yourself, I hope." Thor said dryly. Loki frowned. "I know I can ask you a stupid question anytime and just do so: Do you mind?" "Mind what?" "Mind me having a stag night with you deserving the name."

"You're doing this to please me?" "What _am_ I doing?" "Soaking some panties." Of the family only Thor spoke that bluntly to Loki and he laughed out loud and a bit stupidly: "This is an effect I'm told to have on good days. Let's just let them have their fun.” “You keep surprising me.” “You're welcome.” He let out a silly giggle. They had been drinking quite a bit all evening. "What has changed, Loki?" "A couple of things: When nights like this were still overshadowed by the question of whether it would happen or not, there was always a bit of constraint behind it. Do I want to polish up my ego or do I not need it? After all, I never knew whether the spark needed to arouse my interest was lurking somewhere in largely inconsequential conversations or at the bottom of a champagne glass.” “What was such a spark, for example?” “An unexpected remark, a triggered memory... It's difficult to tell, after all, this always happened on only a very little mind-controlled level.” Thor agreed.

“What else is different?” “My success has made me a bit vain and I can appreciate admiration a lot more than I used to, and for a long time now I haven't had the feeling I have to give something back for it. After all, it _is_ me who's giving first. People admire my work and only after they admire me.” “And what else?” “The third thing is something I've learned from Bucky: Give away a little of your happiness and it will fall back on you. I think we haven't left a single person today not feeling a little more special than before the night. And that's a nice feeling. It's my way of shouting out to world how happy I am.” Thor smiled widely. “You are a bloody crazy miracle! Where do you want to go now?” “The party ship.” “We can't get in there at this time, the queue will now certainly reach the cargo dock.” Loki grinned, took out his phone, exchanged two or three curt sentences with someone and put it back again. With a shrug, he stated: “Off to the party ship. I am Loki Stark.” His brother laughed, shaking his head.)

They were alone in the Stark Manor kitchen, having breakfast - it was almost nine thirty - they _had_ been in need to sleep in. Tony, Pepper and Peter had gone to Steve, Bucky and Morgan's Christmas breakfast. And to William. Everyone but him and his Best Girl was supposed to be at Stark Manor at eleven o'clock, Will and Liz in the limo at a quarter past. Loki quietly stirred his tea. His cereal stood untouched in front of him. However, he and Thor had had an ultra-late supper at Bleecker Street Pizza at the end of their night of partying. He wasn't hungry. “Nervous, little brother?” “Of course. Only a fool wouldn't be on his wedding day. If you shared the experience, you wouldn't ask this question. You're a coward, Thor.” His brother laughed good-naturedly. "I certainly feel more married to Jane than millions of properly married couples." "Why haven't you guys ever done it?" Thor sighed. "When Erik surprised us, we didn't want it to look like we 'have to' get married and then ... Well, kind of, after Steve and Bucky... there wedding and constant drama were poignant things, weren't they?" Loki scoffed yes.

“And when I started thinking about it again, you and Will happened. And I knew if you're doing it, if you dare so, it will end in marriage. Nobody else would commit himself as determinedly as you when he loves.” The younger man's mouth was a little open. "Brother ... I didn't even think about getting married until summer of this year." "Looks like I know you better than you do yourself." Thor smiled. "And what does that have to do with Jane and you?" "How could we offer the family a splendid spectacle like Steve and Bucky or you and Will?" Loki was speechless for a moment. "B-but Thor. What does it matter?” “I don't always want to be the mediocre one in the family.” The shocked expression on his younger brother's face gave Thor a pang. "I am sorry. On your big day, of all things, what's gotten into me..."

“Thor! What are you talking about? What's making you stand out from all of us is the fact you never work on doing it yourself - don't even consider it. Don't you realize you are the best of all of us?" He laughed a little cheerlessly: "Oh, little brother ... I don't care. I also caused great suffering to the family. Of course I know I couldn't help it, but it will forever be the greatest mark I've left on all of you.” Loki clenched his fists and thundered: “ _NO!_ ” His brother made a startled jump. “Brother!” Loki called, “Losing you would have torn the family apart. Mother would have broken because of it - precisely because she sometimes had little approach to you and your nature. Peter ... He's the most sheltered child you can imagine. That a stroke of fate would have thrown him completely off course. Steve and Bucky...“ Loki thought for a moment.

“You know Bucky and his crisis management. You know how much he's struggling with having had so little time to be there for you. And his preferred self-punishment is to deny himself Steve. What would it have made of them? And take father ... Nobody in the family, nobody loves us and the people we gather around us more than him. The grief that would have befallen so many, had you not been victorious over infirmity and death ... I cannot imagine.” Thor's eyes, reddened, threatened to overflow. “Loki ... that's not a topic for your wedding day.” “Which wouldn't take place without you. I haven't even spoken of myself yet. I'm doing it now: You would have irrevocably torn a part of me with you in your death and it would have been the best part of me. "

It was very quiet in the kitchen for a while. Thor tried a joke: “Don't let that flow into your speech later. It might offend your groom a little.” “William knows all of this. I'd be doing him a disservice asking him to give me his hand and heart without knowing who I really am.” His brother swallowed hard. "Thor. You know what I'm talking about. Jane is the same regarding this. Accepting how big a part you and me are playing in each other's life is part of loving us. And we're very lucky to have found two of those rare people, brother. They're a gift.” Thor nodded thoughtfully, remained silent, no words were needed.

“Finally, before I have a look at the devilry Bucky bought me at Walmart. This is important now: You have brought us, this family, together again decisively. But not with your illness. You have united us even more because you are so incredibly lovable and because ... ", Loki's voice was shaking, there were tears in his eyes, "...because you never thought of yourself and gathered all your strength and power, to get well again. For us who love you and whose life would have been torn apart, if the unspeakable would have happened. Each and every one of us would have been missing a part of ourselves for all eternity. The best part. I ... ", Loki's voice broke now," ... love you, big brother.", Thor got up, walked around the table and put a hand on the younger man's shoulder. Loki leaned his forehead against his now again strong arm.

“I love you too, Loki. Thank you.“, Thor's voice was also filled with tears. Loki nodded tearfully. The joke Thor was trying to lighten the mood this time worked: “People haven't cried that early at a wedding that I've known of. Amazing. Exactly the big drama I've expected from you.” Loki's mouth stood open for a moment. But mischief quickly stole its way into his eyes again. "Big stupid beefcake you are, one has to go to the max with their drama so it's not hidden from you." They laughed at each other, the tears would dry and Thor smirked: "Go on and put on Bucky's devilry. I can't wait to see you in it.” Loki gave him a shark-like toothy grin and left the kitchen. At the door he turned around again. "Stage's calling?" "Break a leg!"

(Elizabeth O'Mara opened her mouth and eyes widely when Bucky Barnes finished his work. The Stark living room was bathed in a sparkling, warm and cozy sea of shine, lights and glitter. The fireplace looked magnificent. A florist had attached branches, decorated and spruced up they had been by the auto mechanic ( _rather not ex-stripper_ ), who dropped exhausted on the couch next to her around midnight. "Good job, ma'am." "Are you kidding? Me I've done almost nothing!” “You've kept me company and were holding the cables. Fairy lights are a plague." She laughed: "You are undoubtedly right." “One last thing to be done. Would you please hand me the StarkPad next to you on the little table.” She did as she was asked and Bucky started the mainframe, entered commands and said softly but clearly:

"Jarvis. Connect BARF to StarkHomeNet.” “Very well, Mr. James. Allow me to tell you, you have made this place worthy of the upcoming event.” “Thank you, Jarvis. Everything for the Starks.” The voice of the A.I. grew warm: "Something you and I do have in common." Liz glanced curiously over Bucky's shoulder and uttered a sound of surprise. “Is that ...?” “BARF, yes. Or better: Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing. A nice toy.” Fortunately, Elizabeth O'Mara was speechless, as she had put her foot in it sooner the night. A casual remark by Mr Barnes had surprised her so much she almost said something very rude. When she asked: “Do you think we will be finished sometime tonight?” He replied: “Wait and see. I'm a night owl, my best time is yet to come...” She could imagine this vividly. “...I worked through many a night in the last master’s semester. With success.” “You've been to college? But I've thought... “, it was out before she could stop herself, luckily at least she didn't finish the sentence. Bucky chuckled to himself.

“I always like to say what comes next, like all engineers: I've got a master's degree in engineering. But I haven't done much with it, I agree with you. I understand from your surprise that you know about my repair shop. Well, what can I say? It was always a dream of mine. At least after I as a young teen stopped dreaming of going to NASA to become an astronaut. After graduation - no more surprising to anyone than myself with Summa Cum Laude - Steve was able to persuade me to at least apply to NASA just to see what'd come out of it. They'd actually invited me. But I didn't go. You go to NASA to become an astronaut. Of that, however, I was too scared. That's how I ended up in my workshop. It is a _small_ but very _happy_ life. "

Liz was impressed - and was not only a little ashamed. In admiration she watched his elegant, well-manicured fingers darting over the StarkPad. "Hold your breath, Liz ..." he muttered. She looked at him expectantly. "Look at the fireplace." His gaze went there and he radiated a deep joy and satisfaction. Elizabeth O'Mara could hardly believe her eyes. Exactly over the place where Will's about to give his 'yes' to Loki Stark tomorrow, a good dozen warmly flickering candles floated and the couple will stand in gently falling snowflakes. "It's beautiful, isn't it?", He whispered, "Why don't you go inside?" The pragmatic computer scientist and staunch single and romance refuse stood in a virtual snowfall and put her head back. A hint of damp coolness met her face, but it was very pleasant, only added to the authenticity of the experience. Her eyes went wet. Bucky watched her smirking. Gotcha, icy _Snow Queen..._ )


	139. The Moment, Minus an Hour

**_The_ Moment, Minus an Hour**

“Loki!”, Thor shouted in front of his room door, “I've got Bucky here in live chat. He wants to see you in the sweater and ... well, me too!” Loki rolled his eyes in front of the mirror attached to his old closet door. "Come in but leave Bucky outside!" Thor entered the room and laughed. “I'm not even thinking about it! Let me look at you, little brother.” Loki turned to him with a resigned expression. Thor burst out laughing. The sweater was ... it was an ugly Christmas sweater, out of the books. Bright red and tightly cut, it caressed Loki's lean figure. A snowman with headphones on skis followed a sign to the North Pole. There was also a crippled, crooked fir tree on it. “Thor! Let’s see!“ , came from the phone in his hand. Loki gave in and gestured his okay to his brother. Thor turned the video chat in Loki's direction and put the phone on a shelf for the best overview.

“What are you but _wearing?_ ” “Bucky, don't overuse my patience. I'm wearing what you intended for me, you deceitful man.” The brother-in-law laughed. “I'm not talking about the sweater. Red suits you, I've known.” “Yes, yes ... And red Christmas sweaters are definitely rather difficult to get so you could only get hold of this absurd thing.” “I mean your pants! That doesn't work.” Loki paused.

“They are normal black suit pants. You said black goes best with red.” “I change my mind. What you're wearing looks like someone's wearing a ball gown with rubber boots.” Loki took a deep breath. "So your daughter's outfit, should you be prevented on the day of her prom and not able to put anything out of her?" “ _Careful_ , Loki. “, Bucky laughed. "By the way, there is nothing that would prevent me on the day of my daughter's prom." “Incidentally, I very much hope in your flowery comparison my trousers from Bergdorf Goodman are the ball gown and ... this thing," he tugged at his sweater, "are the rubber boots.” “But yes! Come on. Bergdorf Goodman slacks! Take them off. "

Loki smirked: “Does Steve know about this? Can I bribe you you to let me wear a different sweater and I'm not telling my big brother you asked me to strip in front of you.” “That is a very far-fetched interpretation of my request to change your pants. Even in front of Thor!” “Steve would certainly be appalled by your shamelessness.” “You are wonderfully wrong, dear brother-in-law. Steve is always delighted when I'm shameless.” “Save us that.” “Why do I hear that only so often?” “Let it give you some thinking.” Thor was delighted at the exchange. Bucky laughed: “Stop it. Do you have a pair of jeans with you?” Loki stared at the phone briefly at a calmly smiling Bucky in video chat.

"Jeans? I'm supposed to be in ... Bucky, I'm getting married!” “That you keep thinking you have to tell me again and again ... I know. You're getting married. It's a wedding. You enter into the sacred covenant of marriage. I'm your chief wedding planner, really now!” “I've made a huge mistake.” “You've got jeans or not?” Bucky ignored his last words. Loki closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let it out again. “No ...”, he pressed out, “I ... you don't want to hear it, anyway: I'm getting married. I _own_ jeans. The man I love is an avid hiker. And before I put on those terrible trekking pants he's always wearing ... But: I don't have them here!” “Thor! Go to Steve's old room. There are still some of mine in the closet. Go for the bootleg cut casual from Calvin Klein. They should fit. And Loki! Take off those damn inappropriately elegant pants!” Thor toddled off with a smile. What a shame, he would have liked to stay, listening. "I don't know how you think someone would fit into your ridiculously tight pants, but if that's your idea of the perfect wedding, one of the protagonists bursting out of his pants, you're welcome," he resolutely opened his Bergdorf Goodmans and pushed them down.

"You still need something borrowed ...", Bucky's voice was a little absent. "I beg your pardon?" "Oh you know: 'Something old, something new, something ..." Loki interrupted him. "That goes for Victorian English brides!" "And you will be taken to an Englishman who is waiting for you at the altar," replied Bucky dryly. His brother-in-law glared at him. “Don't look so grumpy. Today is the happiest day of your life!” “And you are ruining it. Thanks for that." Bucky chuckled: "Everything for Will. Come on, the poor guy will have to endure your grumpyness and wickedness for the rest of his life. And willingly so! Give yourself a little more effort.” The younger man's disapproving, scowling expression slipped from his face.

"How is he?" "He was doing great. He's now with Steve and gets fashion advice from him.” Loki's mouth twitched. “Well, that's a match. Steve can put his 'stamp of approval' to any pair of teacher's pants Will's putting on.” “What do you want? You're marrying an English professor, do you expect anything other than tweed?” Loki grew serious, but his eyes were still smiling. "What I want? My English professor, in - no matter what.” Bucky smiled warmly. “He was a bit calm at breakfast, but not as calm as I was at that an early hour.”, He winked, “but Will is full of quiet joy, of course not without the dignity and seriousness appropriate to the occasion. He's fine, Loki. He's very happy.” Thor came with the jeans.

"Perfect!" The pair fit like a glove, Bucky _had_ a keen eye. He looked at his watch: "Thor, go change too, it's time." Thor of course made tracks immediately. “Now you've got something blue _or_ something borrowed, each must have their own. You've got the nice new sweater ", Loki rolled his eyes, "Have you bought everything new for today or is anything old? Your Socks or the fancy Hanros?” Loki made a face. “But you were looking closely.” “Not at all. I only have one eye for it.“, His eyes flashed, Bucky was having a lot of fun with all of this. "The socks aren't new.", Loki dropped the topic of exclusive men's underwear elegantly, "Can you actually see which brand they are from, too?" His brother-in-law made a noise between snorting, coughing and laughing: "Sure, Loki, one's dropping his pants and I'm looking at their feet." "That's enough.", He grinned. Bucky giggled but got serious short after:

“Are you okay, kid? I was terribly nervous on my wedding day.” “Although you were at least wearing what you'd chosen yourself.” “Everything for the message, dear brother-in-law.” “I'm fine, Bucky.” Loki said abruptly. "I want this and .. I'm nagging and sulking and am my usual sarcastic self, you deserve me like this. But I think ... no, I _know_ you've had the right instinct and everything will be wonderful. Will's gonna love it. Thank you, Bucky. Thanks for everything." The older one was touched and said nothing for some long moment, after he sniffled a little: "You're welcome. Don't forget: you've done me a favor. It was a lot of fun! And it turned out awesome! I'm almost jealous ... "

“Your wedding is one of the reasons I've thought ours wasn't enough as it is. Your wedding was very beautiful and to this day the most beautiful one I have ever attended.” “You will change your mind. The most beautiful wedding of all time is taking place today.” “Is that how you feel about yours?” Bucky's eyes had glinted a bit treacherously for some time, now he had to wipe away a tear or two: “Yes, Loki, I do. Up to today and forever. Despite everything and for all eternity. It ... ", he sobbed softly, “It's existing! Love! Incomprehensible, everlasting love made in heaven! For you too.” Loki looked a bit uncomfortable when Bucky pressed a hand to his mouth blinking hard.

"Hey ...", he called softly, "are _you_ okay, kid?" Bucky chuckled a bit wetly, through his tears, but it helped. "Sorry. Embarrassing to cry that early at a wedding. Pretty gay.” “I'm glad... I'm _happy_ we finally have become friends, Bucky. I ... really like you.” “That's supposed to help with my crying now?" Bucky joked in order not to make that even more embarrassing for his brother-in-law being rather happy about the closeness the younger man gave him. But of course he gave him an answer though: “I love you too, kid. I have to go. Keep a stiff upper lip. Everything will be awesome!” “H-how do I look?” Bucky refused a cheeky remark. He simply said, “You look great. Very cute and not a bit intimidating. See you later, Loki!” He only gave a curt nod.

“I'm supposed to wear a sweater, sporting a snowman? Has Bucky been out of his senses? I'm getting married!” Steve blinked. According to Bucky's tales, "I'm getting married" was his most heard sentence latest ... The two went really well together. “Will, trust me. Well, trust _Bucky_. He knows what he's doing and doesn't stress me like that. I thought you were the easier task. He's dealing with your difficult fiancé!” “Has Loki got a sweater like this too? I won't believe that in a thousand years!” “Aren't the best spouses the ones who can surprise you again and again?” “Y-you're right ... so he has … got a sweater like this?” “I can not tell you. And besides: Nobody except Bucky knows of all the details.” William laughed a little nervously. He'd known …

(an hour before his flight to New York, day three prior _the thing_ )

“I wish you a good flight, darling. Be landing safely in New York and soon after in my life!” “I can hardly wait! Liz doesn't arrive until the afternoon of the 24th. But she says she has had contact with the family and everything will be ready.” “Everything will be ready, dearest, be assured. I promised you some wedding magic.” “I'm so excited! Who's nice enough to install the flowers and all the other stuff for Liz?” “I think my mother does.” Elizabeth O'Mara had done a good job: she had convinced William to have made contact with a florist in New York and coordinate this with Loki's family. Besides, she'd bought him the most comfortable suit to be found. He felt reasonably comfortable in it. This wedding was going to be beautiful, for sure! And Loki had promised him to do some magic ... Yes. He was about to have a nice wedding, for sure ... right? Oh, what did that matter? They got married in Loki's parents' house! Details were irrelevant. Anything was better than going to town hall to sign some documents, right? Yes. Definitely!

Arriving on JFK, New York, Will experienced the first surprise: Loki was waiting at the gate! He had never done that before! Although Will had come here often in the past few years, the hustle and bustle and the racket, especially just before Christmas, was always a bit much for him. In contrast, JAR in Winnipeg looked like a sleepy small town train station. He was glad Loki had persuaded him early on in their relationship to courier his luggage from his Winnipeg home to Loki's (no, _theirs!_ \- he had given him half of the ownership title when they had got engaged) apartment. The baggage hall was like a madhouse every time! Loki never checked in his luggage himself, had not done so for years! So Will wasn't very stressed and only had one worry, namely to find his way from the gate to the taxi stands without getting lost and wandering around the premises for days and ending up missing his own wedding.

Nothing but his coat and messenger bag with him he came from the gate and stopped abruptly. In the first row of the crowd waiting, many armed with the famous nameplates, was Loki! His size alone made him stand out and elegantly dressed in a fabulous short coat emphasizing his legs,his silk scarf with the cube pattern, his trademark and personal lucky charm standing out against the dark blue wool, just as Loki stood out from the faceless gray people around him. Someone ran into Will and scolded. He apologized automatically without taking his eyes off his fiancé, the mocking smile on his thin lips was as familiar to William as it was dear. He finally started moving again.

“Loki, what a wonderful surprise!” “I should have done that much earlier. You look completely lost, my darling. I can be glad you have found your way out of here without me every time in the last four years.” “You wanted me country bumpkin, now you have to hold my hand forever in this big barbaric city.” Loki laughed softly: “I will but gladly. There is something about picking up at the airport. It's been too long again and I haven't wanted to waste a minute. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there. I am very happy to have you with me again.” They kissed. “A quote from 'Love, ...Actually'? From you?” “I always read up on pop culture. Also, being engaged to you and spending a lot of time with Bucky ... you automatically end up doing gay things.” Will slapped his forearm playfully. "I'd be in the mood for a certain gay thing." Loki raised an eyebrow. "Then let's get out of here." (...)

"I better unpack now ... have to hang up the suit." An hour ago they had stumbled past Williams' luggage the security service had taken from the luggage courier and brought upstairs, kissing and in a great hurry. Will lay on his stomach, spread across Loki's bed, who leaned next to him against the headboard playing lazily with his hair. “Lie there, I'll do it for you.” “You are an angel in person.” “Hardly. Think what we've just done. In some states of this crazy world you are still put in the hole for this.” Will smiled and let his eyes fall shut. “From heaven straight into the hole. Ugly." “Rest a little longer. We're invited to dinner at my parents' in ... ", he looked at the clock, "a good two hours.” “Wake me up in one."

On the drive to City Island he asked Loki: "You've spent time with Bucky?" “Well, I made you a promise to put a little charm into our wedding. But only with my limited abilities, all of which end with carefully used words? I can hardly surprise you with that - not even I can reinvent language.” “Don't say that. You still surprise me more often than you might think.” “Anyway. Your highly esteemed friend and Best Girl is - with all due respect and an honest fondness - a dead loss at romance. Even worse than me!" Will laughed: "I've figured quite quickly. But dearest, you _are_ romantic!” “In general, however, I prefer to share my romantic moods only with you and I was afraid my noble reluctance to deal with my blasphemous brothers would offend you. I've upset you enough already.” “Loki ...” “But that doesn't matter now and it's over. You're getting your wedding magic. I just needed emotional support and someone who unabashedly pushed me a little to unleash the romantic one in me.” He understood.

“Bucky.” “Exactly. The man has been rumored to have shaped the parties and balls at our school for a decade. He's the right one.” “And you've made him really happy with it, I would guess.” Loki's answer sounded surprised: “In fact I did! How have you known?” “I've said I'd guess.” “Smart-alec. You got me there." Will giggled: "It works in this direction too, Mister Know-it-all" "We've actually had a good time, him and me. Well, not always ... He can be quite exhausting in his exuberance, but I now know where this is coming from and that makes me happy. Bucky is very important to this family, their balance, and he has absolutely no idea about it, which makes him but lovable. That doesn't mean certain people who are engaged to me have to come out about it too much."

A certain person who was engaged to Loki snorted: “My jealous darling.” “Jealousy is fear of comparison, Max F ...” “Frisch”, Will said, “I know. And you don't have to fear any comparison in the world, dearest. My heart is blind to all beauty except yours.” Loki's sideways glance was mocking. "Yes, I know. 'A jealous husband doesn't doubt his spouse, but himself. **'** , Honoré de Balzac.” “You doubt yourself?”, William whispered. "My doubts about myself cast gigantic shadows.", He laughed softly: "And you haven't seen Bucky planning a party yet." "Would you please pull over?" "W-why? Yes, of course.” When Loki looked expectantly at Will after stopping the car, he took both of Loki's hands in his, took off his leather gloves and rubbed the cold fingers in his warm hands.

"Dearest, I can probably not take away your doubts or talk you out of it. But try to see yourself a little more through _my_ eyes. Or try to trust me: _I_ don't doubt you! Do you give so little to my judgment?” His smile was warm when he tightened his fingers around Wills to pull them to his lips. The mischief, mostly loved by his fiancé, came back in Loki's eyes: "Not so much after an orgasm." Will was speechless for a moment, but after he had to laugh. "You're terrible!" Loki's smile widened - into a smirk. "Let's go on, we're running late." Shortly before their arrival he said casually. “I don't doubt _you_. I trust your judgment. That means I'll try.” “That's enough for me. "

At dinner they talked about the season of Loki's commissioned work this year, the one play a year to which he was contractually bound, to be given a stage and space for his projects as a freelance director. This year he had been given A Christmas Carol. Pretty boring business. The newly staged weekend matinee performances in the marionette theater of a version of Peter Pan's had given him a lot more fun. He was still playing with the idea of getting a master's in theater education and wanted to discuss this with William on their honeymoon.

Tony and Pepper, who had already toured Florence, raved a bit about the charming romance of the ancient city. William had already drawn up an extensive list of what he definitely didn't want to miss. He was a huge art lover and, as a linguist, of course, he was very interested in the refined symbolism in ancient works. Florence also was Dante Alighieri's hometown – the creator of 'The Divine Comedy' and this was where the poet's death mask was on display! Loki played a little absently with his dessert spoon and pushed the pickled berries back and forth in his dessert. He watched William as he excitedly enumerated the splendors he would soon marvel at.

“Tsas”, he spoke up, “and I thought the most glorious splendor to be marveled would be me, your newlywed. I didn't plan to take a lot of clothes with me. After all, this is our honeymoon, darling.” Pepper suppressed a snort. The expression on Will's face indicated this for him either was not a common remark from Loki. Tony was quite unmoved and found Will should have got used to the fact his fiancé sometimes said things leaving people speechless. _About time,_ he thought, the two will be married in three days. “Well”, Will had caught himself, “the nights are all yours, dear. The museums are closed then.” He sipped his wine with a sweet smile. "Maybe." Loki replied and raised his glass to toast him.

“When the museums close, the theaters open, and even later the cabaret stages. Let us hope we can at least from time to time escape the seething life and the impressive works surrounding us in Florence. It _is_ our honeymoon.” “Bring a nice souvenir to remind you on it forever. Tony and I had been to Venice back then and I still have the hand-blown animal figurines from Murano up to today.” “Don't forget our other souvenir, honey, but they will hardly be able to do it like us.” William looked curiously at his future father-in-law. Loki called dryly: “ _Thor!_ The other souvenir was Thor. And don't worry, we're very careful with birth control.” Everyone laughed.

When they went to bed later, Will joked: “If you'll take so few clothes with you, you can carry one of my bags - on the return trip, I have an empty bag with me so I can buy a lot of souvenirs. This place is magical! And we are going to Verona too! Just the Colosseum and the market square and ... Loki, imagine...” “Juliet's balcony?" Loki guessed dryly into the blue. Will giggled. “Yes, isn't it romantic?” “And so real!” “It doesn't matter! As a teen I was in Oxford on the former set of the Harry Potter Great Hall and it was great, and I knew very well it wasn't real!” “If I throw you on this balcony and look up at you languidly, you will also have - in this _honeymoon_ of ours - eyes for me?” William laughed.

Loki was already in bed while he was still unpacking his luggage, walking back and forth between suitcase, bathroom and wardrobe. “I'm getting the feeling you really care. What's gotten into you, darling? You suggested Florence. If you had wanted us to spend our honeymoon in a hotel room, maybe you should have chosen St. Tropez.” Loki snorted. “Trophy husband.” “Honor where honor is due. I didn't even get a diamond ring from you for engagement. Isn't that far gone with trophies...” “Come to bed already.”, The undertone was not to be misinterpreted. William raised an eyebrow and checked his watch. "It's only been six and a half hours." "You're stating that like sex was a shot and I was a junkie." Will plugged in his charger next to the bedside table and was - finally - finished with unpacking and slipped - finally - under the covers. He turned off the light and Loki's arm wrapped around his middle.

"N-not so fast ..." He heard him chuckle. “Did you forget the pill, honey?” “That was no climax to your rhetorical art, darling.” “Will I be graded now, Mr. Linguist?” Loki whispered, “and if so, are there circumstances, possible favors indicating to do something to my grade, Professor?” Will snorted in amusement. "Are you flirting with me?" "Well, the prospect of being left dry by my husband for a pile of old stones, yellowed writings and the foam-born Venus of Titian's in Florence, I can thus perhaps avert." “You know, my impression's growing strong you actually mean it.” “Maybe you'll try to figure it out, what do you mean?” Will paused. "Can I ask you something?" Loki had to laugh. "Can you?" "Stop it ..." "Are you really starting to reject me before our wedding? Tragic.” “ _Loki!_ ” Will's tone had lost all playfulness and his fiancé was startled. He sat up and turned on the light.

He looked down at him and Williams's contrite expression softened him. "You don't have to do this, darling, you mustn't. Never be ashamed if you don't understand me. There are moments when I cannot be understood. Not even by myself. Promise me if I am puzzling you, you will never blame yourself. I beg you, William Harrington.” Will's smile was small but only a tad bit sad. “I'm trying?” “I'm so sorry I make you think I'm still a stranger to you. So please: Ask away. You wanted to. And I promise you can always be asking. I'm so sorry. I know, I am ... ", he sighed and didn't finish the sentence, just made a vague gesture. Will also sat up and put his hand on Loki's face, looked at him intently:

"You _are_ wonderful! You are the fulfillment to all I've dreamed of. Dreams I have cherished all my life and now that they have come true they are even more beautiful, more colorful and utterly everything! No more dreams. Reality! I have found perfection and may have it. It's overwhelming.” Loki looked to the side unwillingly: "I'm definitely not perfec...” “I know! _Nobody_ is! You and what we've got is perfect in its imperfection. Because it's real. Better than any dream. Real and alive. Better. So much better.” Loki looked at him pleadingly and he kissed him. "Ask now ..." he breathed afterwards. "Yes. Turn off the light. "

“At first I want to make something clear: I'm not complaining - definitely not. And: Our honeymoon will deserve this name, I promise.” Loki snorted softly. “I hope so.” “And with that we're right in the middle of my confusion. Are you the man who told me early on in our relationship he didn't care much about sex? Because we've got a lot of sex regarding this, and I ... along with your comment last month, you know ... about sex as a thing out of courtesy and ... well, I'm confused. But: I'm not complaining. _By God_... definitely not.” Loki chuckled suppressed. "Never felt like it, either." Will poked him. “Ouch.” “You've deserved so. Well?” Loki sighed: “It's a long and embarrassing story.” “I've got a little time.” “Thank you.” “Now, what for?” “For insisting I explain myself to you. I wish for this forever. Many people in my life have always given up and ... checking me off quickly. Thank you.” Will pressed his lips gently to his temple. "Now tell me the long, embarrassing story."

(The first damp underpants in the morning - Loki was just over twelve at the time - did not surprise him. He knew about these things. But they horrified him! How could his body do something that he did not wish in the least? He felt betrayed by his own flesh, and 'disposed' of his underpants, wrapped in newspaper, deep down in his wastebasket. He knew this was happening to boys and thought that it was now behind him - far from it! Of course, it didn't stop with just one time. Soon he had to secretly buy underpants because his drawer was getting emptier ... Google helped and shortly afterwards when he went to bed he began to take care of the matter in the bathroom, where everything was easily washed away. He _had_ to be able to outsmart his body!

It reduced the morning damp spots and, as he reluctantly admitted to himself, it made him feel good before falling asleep. He kept it that way for years. Boys did this. Everyone did it, Google helped with that information, too. It was in college when it happened for the first time that someone openly showed romantic interest in him, well, better called sexual interest. It was a girl from his acting class he hardly knew and Loki was just embarrassed by the smooching and fumbling and the more than unsatisfactory ejaculation in the costume store some moments later. It was undignified, uncivilized, and nothing he intended to repeat. Anyone who dared advances in his later college years quickly realized this.

It was Thor who one day was the first and only one to speak out bluntly about the matter. Well, it was _Thor_ and Loki explained his view of love, sex and relationships objectively and without any resentment. He admitted he _did_ want _love_ , but for him to love meant to become one with another person, completely detached from body functions and unworthy desires. “Love arises in the brain and finds its home in the heart, brother. True love doesn't have to go through the vas deferens.” Thor had laughed heartily, he was actually of the same opinion, but at the same time he thought that the detour through the vas deferens was a very nice thing. He told him. “I am well informed about the biochemistry in the human body, thank you too, Thor. Even I appreciate an orgasm and the endorphins after.”

His brother convinced him it was worth another try or two. It had long struck him the glances they were given when they were going to a bar or club together were not only aimed at himself. It was also him who suggested Loki might try a flirt with a man. Maybe that had been the problem with the college girl. Loki thought, as was his way, quietly and for a long time about his brother's request. At the age of almost 24, after his excellent master's degree in theater studies, he already had been working as a program director at the SoHo Playhouse for a while, a small but innovative theater house, where he was allowed to insert controversial works between the daily work performances he oversaw. There an actor fell in love with him, although Loki from the start looked at it as soberly as it actually was: he wanted him. He was the director and Joel, that was the man's name, was craving for a lead role - and Loki.

So he let himself be seduced in Joel's apartment after a 'casual dinner with colleagues'. The man was very experienced and Loki learned two things: The thing about orgasms and endorphins was actually more fun when you didn't have to do it yourself and the feeling of being wanted and desired was even nicer – almost powerful! It didn't end with Joel - whom he still didn't think was talented enough for a leading role. It drove the offended actor to another theater. But there were others. And script girls, lighting technicians, extras, make-up artists, stage designers ... With the first prizes and success came the engagements in larger theaters and with them more and more interest in the young star director. He was embarrassed about the first headlines in the gossip press, but that quickly subsided.

So his reputation and myth increased. That his heart was much harder to conquer than his pituitary gland quickly became apparent to those who tried. And Loki? He enjoyed himself, feasted on his success and conquests, while secretly longing for something completely different ... _love_. He knew true love was waiting out there somewhere, someone truly special was waiting for him and for what he had to give and what was not to be found between the sheets and in the exchange of body fluids. And once he found that special person, he vowed, everything would be completely different. Sex was one thing, nice, good for self-confidence and for having trouble falling asleep.

But love, _true love_ , had to be able to emerge and flourish, detached from animal drives and vain physicalities. And let everything sink into vain insignificance - especially sex, which when viewed in broad daylight was a truly unworthy and almost ridiculous thing. In his late twenties, he became calmer - and more and more wistful. Love blossomed and flourished in his family and even if he wasn't actually jealous of Thor or Steve (or his father), he was often overcome by a certain melancholy. They were just ... he wasn't like them. How would he be able to win someone over like that? Someone who was worth risking his own heart, exposing everything about him, his mind and soul to another person and giving everything that was in him. If such a person really existed, they certainly wouldn't want to bother with someone like him.

He was bored, browsing his favorite literature forum when he was sent a certain private message that changed his life ...)

"The 'paragon of virtue' has pretty low standards in choosing her husband." Will whispered into the darkness. Loki's tale was captivating and the moment when he finally appeared in it made both men sigh. They kissed a little, but Loki wanted and had to finish this, draw the bow to the end, where Loki Stark had become someone who was afraid of missing out on his honeymoon …

(How deeply and in earnest he fell in love with the user Gynander in the following weeks, frightened him not a little in the glory and greatness of first true love, but at the same time it filled him with so much happiness and satisfaction to finally feel so. He was shocked, again not a little, when, on his 29th birthday, during the playful skirmish with Nan about Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre in a gruesome and slippery TV production, he caught himself getting hard and having a great desire to touch himself. This wasn't what he had wanted! Enough of it. Love wasn't like that! And only when he succeeded a long time later, namely in July, shortly before his fateful declaration of love in a private chat; truely succeeded in separating desires from love again, he dared to reveal himself to Gynander, and he held on to it, declaring himself to his love soon afterwards as someone who got not much out of sex and all that, bothering little to nothing with it and wishing to have a love relationship, unaffected by ridiculous, unworthy drives, to be developed to something truly great in its pureness, beauty and uniqueness ...)#

"I can't say I wasn't disappointed," William chuckled. "All _I_ can say is I was a stupid, arrogant boy in the body of a man which betrayed me again and again and that on a massive scale in our first night together at the FOUND Hotel in Chicago." "I felt it! So I wasn't wrong, couldn't be wrong! Nobody makes love in such a consuming way without caring about it none or only a little.” “I've already told you, I was stupid and arrogant.” “Fortunately, you were also able to learn.", he giggled, "Every time you were so _kind_ as to give in to my ridiculous, unworthy urges, it seemed to me more as if you were losing your own facade of untouchedness and detachment from your person and your love for me, which was far too pure and precious for ordinary exchange of body fluids. I've _felt_ you scratching at your shell from the inside. "

“Don't be so cynical, nothing about your urges was ever unworthy to me, nothing about you was ever ridiculous. After all, it was your purpose to bathe in my attention and self-sacrificing love for you.” “And you're telling me not to be cynical." He put a hand on Loki's cheek: “I was longing for the day when your facade would finally collapse.” “And do you think you can name the date?” “I consider between two possible ones, and both had been quite painful.” “I'm so sorry...” Loki whispered.

“Don't be. The night of the premiere for the first time you did it so clearly because you wanted it yourself and after the night when I was determined of letting go of you, I knew you had to find your way back to me at some point. No one can have so much fire and passion for another person and live on without them. Of course, I lived with the fear you would defeat yourself in the end or - even worse - cancer would defeat you, destroy you with snatching Thor away from you. I was afraid you would see our love in a different light with the stain of your passion and my sexual attraction to you, to question its value and its uniqueness, its greatness. But I was always full of hope and faith. In us, in _you_. Instead, you have finally seen passion, desire and sex in a different light and most of all it makes me happy you are no longer ashamed of your desires and needs."

Loki blew teasingly in his ear: “Most of all? Not rather the fact I'm sleeping with you way more often than before?” “That'll come right after.” Loki pressed the length of his body against Wills in response. "And?” “And we're coming to the end of your fascinating story - I think - in a stormy night in Patagonia, when for the first time you dared to give yourself to me completely and to take without giving - which of course you did anyway, I will never forget that night.” “We can try to repeat it” he whispered in Will's ear. “We can and will. But: my sweet darling, you'll be married to a man over 40...” “Then I'm doing all the work from time to time. But not exclusively.” Will chuckled. "I'm not very tired yet." (…)

(again in the guest room of a relatively small house)

"The sweater's itching!" "Then put a shirt under it." Will did as recommended and looked at himself doubtfully in the mirror. "Can I get married like this?" "Will ..." Steve sighed. At that moment his phone gave something like static noises. Annoyed, he pulled it out. "Bucky! We are in the same house! What's with the James Bond thing? When and how did you even download this annoying notification tone onto my phone? I can't find it anywhere in the ringtones app!” He sounded highly suspicious. His husband laughed: "Magic, Stevie!" He rolled his eyes. “It's good you get in touch. I need you down here. Will has got a sweater crisis.” “I'll be with you right away. Over.” Steve rolled his eyes again. “Bucky turns a party into a mission. He could have just called down the stairs or came right away, couldn't he?” “Steve, admit it. That's damn cute!”, his future brother-in-law smiled. Steve smiled looking pleased. "Yes, of course, anyway." Will laughed:

“Have you finally got used to his short hair?” “ _Used_ is not the right word. But ... ", he sighed, “Bucky is more than beautiful hair.” “Tell him”, William said dryly: "When he told me you spent your last vacation not with him but with his hair, it seemed not to be a mere joke.” “Oh that!” Steve grinned: “That _is_ a joke. He also told me on said vacation I would only have sex with his hair.” The subject of conversation stuck his no longer long-haired head in through the door. "Well, children? There's any problems?” “Did _you_ choose this sweater?” Will looked reproachfully at the party planner. “Aw, you look almost as cute as your future husband! You're pulling the same pout. I tell you, Loki in his sweater is a sensation!” He couldn't hide he had to resist laughing.

“What are _you_ actually going to wear? By the way, it's indecent to be better dressed than the wedding couple.” “I _am_ already dressed.” Will was amazed. The plain gray sweater looked like something Bucky Barnes only wore at home. "Me too, by the way!" Steve called, also in a simple gray sweater. “Will, I'm never indecent. The whole family's dressed like this. Well, the children's sweaters are not gray, but rather green, for Christmas. I've asked everyone, even your scary Best Girl, to do so. Today you and Loki are the fashionable center, the splash of color, the Christmas couple! Liz is coming soon, she's texted. Steve, Morgan and I have to leave for Stark Manor now. Do you need anything else?” “A hug?” Bucky smiled broadly and enclosed the soon-to-be brother-in-law in a firm, friendly hug. Steve put his arms around both of them, breathed 'good luck', and pulled his husband to the door. "Thank you!", Will called after them, "thanks for everything."


	140. "Darling, this is your life Now."

**"Darling, this is your life Now."**

Bucky put the finishing touches to the 'wedding hall'. Before, he had been upstairs with Loki.

(His mother was with him. He was a little quiet but very collected. It was clear to see, he had no doubt - this was what he wanted. And he looked really, really cute in Bucky's Calvin Klein bootleg cuts and the dreadful red Christmas sweater. "Hey!" "Bucky! The living room is a dream!" His gaze shot from his mother-in-law to Loki and he looked at him sternly: "But _you_ haven't seen it yet, have you?" "He's been good." “ _Thank you_ , mother.” “I have something borrowed for you, and you'll be complete.” “The complete Old English bride, indeed.” Bucky grinned and pulled his beloved Native American bracelet - a gift from Steve's over 22 years ago - out of his pocket. It was often patched and had lost some of its shine and color. As faded and a little worn as it was, Bucky still wore it regularly. And the family knew what it meant to him ... "Put out your arm, I'll get it on, the clasp is a bit tricky." "But ... Bucky, this bracelet?" He smiled at the younger brother-in-law:" “I hope it brings you luck. But watch out! I want it back.” “I promise. You are ... ", he pursed his lips, ".. _.so nice!_ Steve is a very lucky guy.” “Maybe, but so am I and you are one, and so is Will.”

"Thanks again. Thank you for everything.” “Now stop it, I don't recognize you anymore. Now think of Will! Speaking of which, the limousine just pulled up and I haven't yet seen dad or your Best Man today. But the main thing is that you are there - and Will is. I can ask you to take your vows, too. You'll only have to go to the town hall after Christmas. By the way, he looks very good - and so relaxed in his cozy sweater! But not quite as cute as you! Doesn't he look cute, Mom?” Pepper had so far stayed out of her son's conversation with his 'Second Best Man'. “He looks beautiful. You look beautiful, darling.", She turned to Loki, beaming. "Would you have the kindness and mercy not to talk to me like to a bride?" Pepper and Bucky smirked at each other. “But don't you want to look beautiful? This is your wedding day.” His mother teased Loki. “Until Santa Weddingplanner came on the scene, I had a very nice suit in mind. I would have looked very good in it and not ... just _cute_." Bucky chuckled: "Cute and sweet is just the thing today. As sweet as a Christmas cookie.” Loki gave him a fatal look. "Get out of here and do your work." Bucky left Loki's old room laughing.)

Downstairs, Steve let in Will and his best girl on behalf of his father, who was still practicing the ceremony in his study. "Nice! You are on time!” “Of course, Mr. Stark!” Elizabeth O'Mara beamed. He held out his hand, "Please call me Steve, Mrs. O'Mara." "But only if you leave the formalities to yourself, Steve. My friends call me Liz.” With great delight Liz had at first sight noticed that _fine fellow_ Steven Stark had meanwhile become an even more stately guy. Some healthy-looking extra pounds and the casual, extra-long haircut that harmonized with his thick, very manly beard was a sight to her eyes! He led them into the kitchen, where Jane, Peter and MJ were chatting with excitement. The children were playing - under Morgan's supervision (she was the oldest) - in the nursery. You didn't have to worry about little Hela. Erik had been very conscientious since his days as a daddy substitute. There was a loud, funny hello and introduction. "Is Thor with him?" Will asked. “I haven't seen Thor yet, neither Dad. But I've only been here for a quarter of an hour myself.” The static cracking from his pocket irritated everyone except Will, who had heard it before in Steve's and Bucky's house. Rolling his eyes, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Agent 'my-husband-is-dramatic' reporting for duty?" "Hey, baby! You're not granting me the tiniest bit of fun!” “I wouldn't say so, sweetheart. I remember a lot of fun I've granted you willingly and completely.” Peter shouted: “Stop it! Just stop! Whatever it is, you are talking about, we don't want to know.” He turned to their guest conspiratorially: “They are pesky, sweet, but pesky.” Liz laughed a little helplessly. This family was, as it looked already after ten minutes, an extraordinarily close bunch with tons of anecdotes, shared history and fun, laughter and love. If she were a more sentimental person than she was, there might be shed a tear or two in addition to the little lump in her throat. She was so happy for Will. Those people were awesome! She will miss him ... but they deserve him. Loki Stark, too. He was making him so happy. Grouchy, malicious guy he could be, despite everything: He was what William wanted and he was supposed to have him.

Thor rummaged desperately in his old closet. It was he himself who had asked his father, Steve and Peter to wear the family ring after Loki had told him he had given his to Will as a 'pledge'. He thought it was such a romantic idea and a grand gesture and with them all wearing it it got even more meaning. And now it was him of all people who couldn't find his. He had been so sure the ring was in his old room in the desk drawer. But it wasn't... For a good quarter of an hour he had been turning his old room upside down. There was a knock at the door. "Yes?" He called a little panicked. Has it already started? His father poked his head in the door. "Hey, Sunny! Are you looking for this?” He held out the signet ring, his own he was already wearing. "Pops! Good heavens, I'm glad you've got it, I've been already desperate about it. Why haven't you told me? How come?” “We can be happy to always have such honest domestic servants. Mrs. Watson found it in a drawer during the 'final cleaning' of your room after you moved out and gave it to me. Why haven't I said anything? One last attempt to teach one of you big rascals a small lesson? Let your panic be a lesson to take better care of your things.” Thor rumbled a laugh.

"How are you, son?" "Splendid! I'm getting stronger each day, at least that's how it feeling and every day I'm grateful." "All of us are." "You were all great. You helped me so much and without you I would not have made it. Above all...“, Thor swallowed a little laboriously. “ _Loki_.”, his father firmly went on for him, “he is an extraordinary man with an immense strength hidden and more than a valuable person. I am very proud of him.” “I am too! He ... it must have been so difficult for him.” “I hope you know _you_ are the decisive factor for his outstanding development?” Thor stared at his father. "Don't you know? Well, probably not. That's how you are.” “But Pop, you ... you are his _parents!_ You brought him up and you looked after him lovingly, you've always been supporting and...“, Thor didn't know what to say next. Tony sighed. "Of course. We love Loki, have done so from the first second we'd known of him. But: you are only his brother. You did not ask for another brother, nor did you have any say in having one. Nobody has to feel obliged to love their siblings.” “I _do_ love Loki!” “But yes! Everyone knows and there's never been any doubt about it." He gestured to the armchairs in the corner: "Let's sit down for a moment. We've still got a little time on our hands. "

They got down and Thor looked questioningly at his father. "Sunny ... You accepting Loki for who he is with giving him your understanding and unshakable brotherly love, have done more for him than your mother and I could ever have." "I don't understand." “It is easy to love a child – an own child, a child you are raising. None of us are more different from Loki than you. And yet it was you who've always showed him the most how much you don't care about this fact. Accepting and loving and supporting someone who is so alien to oneself is one of the greatest declarations of love a person can make. Through you, Loki experienced and learned that one can also be lovable without being understood. Nobody could have given him this but you. And a large part - perhaps the lion's share - of his heart belongs to you forever." Thor laughed nervously: "But Pops, that's ... No! He loves Will more than anything!"

"Without a doubt. But there will always be moments when he feels most of the world for you. And you've deserved so. Of all of us you are the one who loves in the purest way, without vanity, without ambition, selfless and full of serenity. I'm happy about that. Happy it gave you so much good: Jane, the great kids, a loyal brother who'd walk through the fire for you and has done so. You deserve it. You're a damn good - _the best_ \- person and I'm so proud of you. Ineffable and immeasurably proud. I love you and losing you would have left me a broken man.” He looked straight into his face. Thor saw a tear roll down his cheek. He was speechless, his eyes shimmered suspiciously too. His father got up, kissed his forehead and turned to go, to leave his son who obviously needed a moment to his thoughts. "P-pop! I ... I love you too. I love all of you so much and ... thank you. Thanks for everything!” He didn't look back from the door when he answered in a muffled voice: “You're welcome. I'm very happy to have done so." Said it and left the room ...

"How are you, darling?" "What do you think, mother?" "I think you are filled with peace and at the same time you are tormenting yourself with the question of whether you aren't supposed to be more nervous, appropriately excited and, well, a bit jittery?” Loki looked his mother in the face. “And am I not actually?” “Oh, I don't know. In this family we've rarely cared what we're supposed to do, have we?” He thought for a moment. “Yes, you may be - no, you _are_ right! We're a pretty unconventional ... _bunch_ , I'll call it.” “Anyway, I'm overjoyed you feel peace, calm in yourself and nothing but happiness and inner satisfaction on your wedding day.” “But that's not quite true, mother, as much as I hate disappointing you.” “You don't disappoint me, darling. What's on your mind?” Loki blurted out as quick as a shot: “Is he that happy too? Can he look into the future with the same confidence and belief in us? Does he know, like me, that nothing will ever change about what my heart wants and desires? Or does he end up afraid of certain traits of me ... unchangeable traits I do not precisely hate about myself, but also do not appreciate; that those can and will cause him suffering?"

"Loki, my beloved, sensitive son, misunderstood by many, my little _birdie-bone_...", he rolled his eyes at the nickname of his early childhood, when he, a skinny peaky child, was praised for every half a banana he had eaten as if he had won an Olympic medal. “All of your doubts do not concern you or your feelings in the slightest. All of your fears revolve around him, the man you want to marry because you love him, love him enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him. Marriage is not a walk in the park and there _isn't one_ in which there isn't suffering alongside all the love and beauty. None that's lasting longer than some short years anyway. But: Will is a smart man. He probably knows that too. And yet: he dares to. He loves you and wants to marry you because he also wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You are both smart men. _You_ ... especially you. Being with a man like your father should actually have prepared me for the prospect that at some point I would be surrounded by high level brains making me dizzy with sheer cleverness. Well, I guess I lacked foresight and imagination. You four wonderful boys ... each of you has deeply impressed me in his own way leaving me speechless at times. All of you - and your father – have always made me so happy.” With that she had to cry a bit.

Loki hurried to his mother's side to took her in his arms and fished a handkerchief from his jeans pocket handing it. Cultivated as he was, he had checked the pockets immediately after he put on Bucky's jeans, disposed of an old condom packet (eye roll) which had apparently been washed with them to pocket handkerchiefs. A gentleman always had handkerchiefs!

"Mother. I can't think of anything father and you could have done better. You have given all of us everything to become people who go their own way, make their fortune. I couldn't have grown up with anyone else and _still_ become the one I am: the best who was possible with the material available." Pepper sobbed: "Don't you always talk about yourself like that. You are such a wonderful person, valuable and sensitive and full of love. You're also malicious and arrogant and cold at times, yes. But: You know everything about yourself and you can laugh at yourself, making up for all being malicious, cold and arrogant in and about yourself a thousand times with everything good and beautiful you give to the people around you. I love you my _birdie-bone_ and I know you will be very happy. I'm damn proud that I did it. To make you who you are.” Loki stared at her, tears in his eyes. "I'm speechless.” He had to gather himself: “I love you, mother, and you ... well, I would hardly go so far as to claim the result that is my person is a memorable achievement. But: I know how much you love me and have always done, both of you! And to be able to love like this, unconditionally and in a devoted way, to care and to give everything, it is truly something a person can and may be proud of. In no life - even if there were myriads - I could wish for better parents than you."

"Smarty head!", His mother laughed through tears, sniffling she blew her nose and looked down at him a bit, after: "But maybe not so super smart after all. If you think one can be proud of being able to feel deeply and to love devotedly, why aren't you proud of yourself at last?” Now Loki was _really_ speechless…

Meanwhile, Bucky lit all the fairy lights and the (few) candles in the Stark's living room. It looked like a dream...

The screen in front of the panorama window was lowered and everything was bathed in a warm, sparkling Christmas glow. The large couch had made room for a much smaller model, just some steps behind the spot for the couple. It was there to provide seats for Loki's mother, Thor and Liz. All the rest of the family would settle down on large, comfortable pillows that were randomly scattered on the floor. Far away from the action, a 'play corner' was set up for all (small) guests for whom the ceremony could be too long. He put what he would need next to a large pillow ready for him, Steve, and Morgan - he only needed a StarkPad. For the last time he looked at his 'creation', slowly turning in a circle. He was ever-so-pleased. _I would have been a great wedding planner!_ He went to the kitchen and was bombarded with questions. Of course he didn't reveal anything. Neither did Liz, who knew Bucky's arrival meant he had informed his father-in-law and he would soon be coming to pick up Will and her. Elizabeth O'Mara was glad she wasn't going to meet Tony _fucking_ Stark at Will's wedding for the first time in her life. As a computer scientist, she was familiar with and impressed by a lot of Stark technology. Now that she already knew him, she no longer had to fear too much embarrassment from being a bit star-struck...

The moment when William was shown into the living room by his officer and soon-to-be father-in-law - he was the only one of the them who hadn't seen it yet - would have surely made Bucky burst with pride. Will stopped dead on the threshold and was speechless. He had to blink a bit until his eyes were no longer so terribly wet! Gently pushed by his best friend, he allowed himself to be positioned; in front of the fireplace, positioned so that those sitting around could see the happy couple in half-profile when they gave each other their 'yes'. In the splendidly decorated fireplace, only genuinely - and very English - equipped with Christmas stockings having their names embroidered on them, a small cozy fire flickered. There were heavy candles on the ledge. This year's Christmas tree in the alcove a little to the left of the fireplace was modestly lit and would not outshine anything and especially not the couple being the focus today. Tony Stark had a small, inconspicuous lectern with his notes in front of him. Thor, who quickly had to agree about the handover of the rings with Jane, now joined them getting down next to Liz. They would only play a role again when the papers were signed. Thor was amazed at Bucky's work. He had already seen it the night before - without Loki of course. But when it was lit it was so much more to the eye! It touched his own romantic streak not only a little ...

Bucky stuck his head in the door, discreetly, and decided he could start the music. His StarkPad was synchronized with all the loudspeakers in the house and the first gentle, longing and hopeful sounds of Bach's 'Air' could be heard. Not loud, but audible and as a starting signal for everyone to come to the 'wedding hall', except of course Pepper and Loki. He was the bridegroom who was to be led to his future husband. Of course all of them had to wait a bit for him, in his mother's opinion. Upstairs Loki closed his eyes and took a slightly shaking breath. "Are you all right, darling?" Pepper whispered, a warm hand on his cheek. He left his eyes closed, his head drooping a little into the motherly palm, and smiled his small but genuine smile. “But yes, mother,” he breathed, “tell me when they've waited enough. But please keep in mind my fiancé is waiting too and naturally he doesn't have the best nerves on a day like this.” She laughed softly: “We'll be leaving soon, don't worry.” After another quiet, peaceful minute, Pepper stroked her son's black curls to get them a little more tidy – a hopeless case in the length they were. "It's time."

The motion detector at the foot of the great stairs signaled Bucky to let the music swell up a little. Peter and Erik had the task of opening the double doors when the time came, and he gave the young brother-in-law the agreed-upon sign onto his earplug - the now notorious static cracking. _Mission go!_ Peter signaled to Erik and they opened the doors at the same time. Loki walked through on his mother's arm and everyone turned around expectantly, at last Will and his groom looked him straight in the eyes, his lips slightly curled in mockery, but his eyes shone warm, a small fire dancing in the ice-blue depths. They looked at each other from head to toe and back again. Loki's smile turned a little – malicious. Will loved this smile, because he was the only one

Loki gave it while at the same time looking at him full of love and warmth ... His own face felt numb from the hard resist from laughing. Bucky had done a great job with the red sweater – next to it his own was almost socially acceptable. In red he thought the love of his life looked, well _sinfully_ good. The rich color was perfect with his black hair!

Arrived at the 'altar', Loki bent his head down to his mother, had his forehead kissed and placed his right hand in Will's held out left. A long moment, during which the perfectly planned entrance music faded away, passed before Loki unceremoniously pulled the lover's fingers to his lips, breathing a tiny kiss on them suggesting: “Dearest. It's not a funeral, you _can_ laugh.” With his relieved giggle, Will infected everyone. “You're looking... very cute. Bucky was right.” “Bucky is going to the children's table for the feast. Your sweater is much tastier than mine.” “ _Well .._.”, he tried to dissuade his groom. Tony Stark cleared his throat behind his little standing desk: “Gentlemen, it's still a wedding, isn't it? Shall we get started now?” They smiled broadly at each other. "I'm not allowed to kiss you until after, so let's get started, what do you think?" Will tilted his head: "Is there a quick version, Tony?" “I found a hard nut to crack with this, had to endure countless correction emails from your future husband. You are now listening to this in full. He wanted it to be perfect for you, my boy.” One last mischievous look, a tender hand squeeze, and they turned to their officer with the appropriate amount of dignity and seriousness. Tony Stark cleared his throat again and lifted his gaze letting it wander over all his loved ones:

“My loved ones, dear guest from Canada, beloved wife, children-in-law, sons and grandchildren. And - last mentioned and yet in the center: dear William!

My son Loki and you have wished for us to gather around you to mark an event of greatest joy and a reason for the happiest celebration. You have found each other and built up the great relationship that allows you to dare to take the last and yet first, the smallest and yet biggest step into the greatest adventure of the most beautiful thing defining us human beings: love. You have wished to make us witness a promise that may not be the greatest, certainly not the first and hopefully not the last the two of you will exchange. The promise today is to be a married couple, devoted to each other, in front of us and heaven and earth, stars and seas, everything and nothing. Forever.

Marriage is a venture into an unknown future. It means risking who you are for who you can be. In marriage, two people share their lives: but the mixture must not diminish either of both. Rather, the unique thing that defines both of you must be constantly increased.

Marriage is not made by law or ceremonial. It arises and grows in the heart of two people, grows out of love, care and through sharing ourselves with the loved one. A wedding ceremony is not magic: It does not create a relationship that has not long since existed and has not long been committed and celebrated in everything Will and Loki have given and give each other: large and small, since the days when they first met and since then have recognized every day what a unique connection had arisen at the time.

So today we are only witnessing an outer sign of the inner bond which has long existed between Loki and Will. Their solemn wedding today is the symbol of how far they have come together as well as the symbol of what they promise one another: to continue to live their lives together and to love one another: only and above all others.

Each of us, who the two of you so generously share in the sealing of a covenant that has long united you deeply and unanimously, will today witness the words you're giving each other. May we always do everything in our power to strengthen, support, appreciate and protect you, Will and Loki, and your bond. May this covenant continue to thrive and grow stronger so all of us who love you can feast on your happiness.

A successful - _happy_ \- marriage is not something that just happens. It means effort and determination. It takes patience and sometimes it takes time. It is up to you both to give surrender and commitment: From the convinced will to do whatever is necessary, to allow your relationship and love to flourish, instead of just surviving.” He paused, bowing his head. When he looked up again, his gaze was fixed on his soon-to-be son-in-law:

"William Arthur Harrington, will you take Loki Stark to your legal wedded husband and walk the way of life with him forever? Do you want to love him, laugh with him, always be a comfort to him, honor and protect him? Devoted to him and loving him alone as long as you live? "

"Yes I will."

“Loki Stark, Will you take William Arthur Harrington to your legal wedded husband and walk the way of life with him forever? Do you want to love him, laugh with him, always be a comfort to him, honor and protect him? Devoted to him and loving him alone as long as you live? "

"Yes I will."

Tony paused now too, giving the couple a moment to look at each other and clasping their fingers more tightly.

“Loki and William, with your words of consent you've exchanged, you've told each other: 'You know, everything we've promised and sworn each other, of what we hope and dream - I mean it, seriously and honestly, every word and beyond.' Up to now you have become a lot: friends, companions, partners, lovers - even teachers: you have learned a lot from each other in the years of your time together. After the vows each one swears to the other, nothing will be between you as it was before. From now on you will tell the world of the other: 'This is my husband.'” He nodded to Loki.

“I, Loki, choose you, Will, in the face of the people who mean so much to us and who love us, from this day on as my husband. To love you dearly, to comfort you in the dark, a safe haven in the storm of life. To hold onto you tightly and to honestly listen to every word you speak to me. To hold you up with all my strength. Always give weight to my words and actions. Never to take you for granted and always be grateful for your existence in my life. Be my husband in eternal bond, love and loyalty.“, Tony's gaze went to Willam.

“I, William, choose you, Loki, in the face of the people who mean so much to us and who love us, from this day on as my husband. To love you dearly, to comfort you in the dark, a safe haven in the storm of life. To hold onto you tightly and honestly listen to every word you speak to me. To hold you up with all my strength. Always give weight to my words and actions. Never to take you for granted and always be grateful for your existence in my life. Be my husband in eternal bond, love and loyalty. "

Tony smiled widely. "Who's got the rings?" Hela, gently pushed by her mother, went forward, a small package, wrapped in glittering paper, in her plump hands. Two narrow, simple gold rings were tied into the bright red bow. Loki crouched down and smiled at his niece: “Well, sweetie, what have you got there? It's not a present, is it?” “It's your rings, Uncle Loki.” Said the girl shyly. "But one ring is for Uncle Will, Goldilocks." Even when crouching, the uncle was still quite tall for the petite child, and after she had looked around uncomfortably, she tugged on his sleeve. Loki understood and brought his ear closer to Hela's mouth. The picture Tony Stark was able to witness made his heart swell in his chest. The tender smile on the soft features of his son, the trusting expression on the frightened granddaughter's face as she whispered something in his ear. Loki's smile widened, even a small chuckle came from him. “But sweetie, Uncle Will doesn't like it that much anyway. I'll pull it off and then he'll need another one.” The little one looked at him, thought for a moment and nodded seriously after. "Yes, that's right, Uncle Loki." She looked up at Will and pointed to the package her uncle was holding in his hands. "There's a ring for you too, Uncle Will." He smiled and stroked her curly head. "Thank you, my dear." Hela turned a little back and forth and ran away, back to her mother. Jane beamed proudly at her daughter pulling her onto her lap.

Loki and William untied the bow together, and each took the ring for the other one. The package landed on the desk. Will took Loki's left hand and talked first:

“'O heaven! O earth! Bear witness to this sound,  
And crown what I confess with kind event,  
If I speak true! If hollowly, invert  
What best is boded me to mischief! I,  
Beyond all limit of what else i' the world  
Do love, prize, honour you.'”

He put the gold ring on him. Loki took his right hand, pulled off the rock-like ring, put it in his pocket – taking his time. After he took Will's left hand. He looked deep into his eyes, sighed barely audibly and began:

“I _am_ your husband, now that you have married me;  
If not, I'd have died your manservant. To be your fellow  
You could have denied me; your lackey I'd have stayed,  
_Whether_ you would or no."

The corner of Will's mouth twitched, his eyes had grown huge, his eyebrows were drawn up to his hairline in amazement. He hadn't known what a ring exchange speech to expect from Loki. This – the following quotes of them he'd used from Shakespeare's 'The Tempest', slightly changed to fit better – he must have made his mind up in seconds! What a genius his new husband was...

His ring also found its proper place on Loki's ring finger. Tony came back to the desk:

"Just as these rings, the metal from which they are forged, were once just a trace of beauty in a boulder and are now the perfect symbol of eternity, so it is with love: sometimes it has a humble beginning, is imperfect, until it gets into skillful hands: It is change and becoming of something beautiful and perfect from something that was once little or nothing. The promise you've made today should be engraved - forever in your minds, your hearts. But words are ephemeral, so these rings should serve as a reminder of the feelings filling your heart today, at this moment.

Loki and Will, no one else but the two of you can declare yourselves married. You have sworn your love and solidarity in eternity before us, who we love you dearly, and from now on you will renew it day by day, year after year, with the convinced determination of your feelings for one another. You should cultivate, strengthen and hold on to the bond of your love with words and deeds. Share all things which are sweet in life as well as the bitter ones, side by side with and for one another. Every caring deed, every tenderness, every loving word has to be the explanation of what is being started here today.” The family whispered. Bucky's BARK technology candles had appeared and flamed up.

“It is therefore a joyful responsibility and honor for me to officially declare your covenant before state and law as a lawful marriage and you, the loving couple, as married people. You can now seal your new marriage with a kiss.”, His eyes had been swimming in tears for quite a while. When the 4D snowflakes began to trickle gently, giving the picture in front of him an unexpected magic, his voice began to shake: “Dearest family and friends, I take the privilege of introducing you these two married men for the first time: William Harrington and Loki Harrington-Stark.” His voice broke. Loki finally pulled the shorter man into his arms, literally embraced him, holding him close to his body. Will's head fell back, half-real snowflakes caught in his curls and eyelashes, and Loki sank his black curly head to seal Will's mouth with his lips. The family gave an audible sigh, several tissues were drawn. The mood was (only almost) a little interrupted when everyone clearly heard Morgan's never low voice: “Is it finally over? Lastly, I haven't understood a word!” “Ssht, Papa definitely not either.” Steve hissed, hardly less audible. Bucky's cough was discreet but nonetheless very much audible.

Tony grinned through his tears. Will and Loki broke their kiss and laughed at each other. "We're catching up!" Will said softly. Loki snorted: "It's official now: The Buchanan-Barnes-Starks screwed up our wedding kiss." "But," Bucky called, "look around, all of this is my work. You can get back at me another day." "You got me this sweater. How are you ever going to deserve me untroubling you again?” “Can we finally hug you now?” Thor thundered exuberantly. "Well, darling," Loki sighed, "this is your life now..." "Can't imagine anything better." And even though everyone rushed to hug them and congratulate them, their eyes still found each other for a brief moment and what each found in the eyes of the loved man was enough for a human lifetime and longer in complete happiness ...


	141. “Something more than just living. I love."

“ **Something more than just _living_. I _love_."**

“Let me hug you, little brother! Who do you call a bourgeois now? You are decently married and I am living the wild life without a marriage license.” “I will do my best to make my marriage a bit wild, too.” “I hope so. What did my daughter whisper in your ear?” “You want to interrogate me about the secrets my sweet angel's sharing with her uncle? Ugh, Thor, shame on you.” Loki was a cheerful picture of happiness. Beaming, he accepted congratulations graciously (he had practice in this) laughing and joking with the family. The last one to come wishing them all their best was Bucky. "Loki told me, you've created all of this?" He didn't feign modesty at all. “I've outdone myself, haven't I?” “It's beautiful! Where do you get those ideas from and why is it not your job?” “If people were to pay him for it, he would have to stick far too closely to the wishes of his customers. For example, respect what someone who is getting married wants to wear." Bucky winked at Will, "I'm going to be told this all my life, I guess.” “Loki, love, don't be so ungracious. You look cute and the living room is unrecognizable - a dream! Say something nice. For my sake." “Forgiven efforts, my dear brother-in-law, he can't do it. I've annoyed him too much. How do you like the background music? ”, he smiled sweetly towards Loki.

One thing by his strict, non-paying 'customer' Bucky had been strictly forbidden: Everything that had to do with Disney. But he _was_ clever and since he knew William had been a huge Harry Potter fan in his youth. So he had cut together a medley of Hogwarts Christmas magic and Hogsmeade winter romance, as well as a bit of Yule Ball atmosphere, which was played in the background. Will beamed: “I think it's awesome.” Loki sighed heavily: “I'm going to surprise both of you now: I'm almost overwhelmed by what you've created here in the short time, Bucky, and ... I'm grateful . You've done what I've wished for: Will thinks it enchanting - don't you, darling?” “Absolutely, it's heavenly!” “You see? Thank you. It wouldn't be the same without you. And I don't just mean today's events." Bucky smiled at him a bit cautiously: “D-do you mean ... what I'm thinking?" “Do with it what you want. I'd say I've been clear enough. With this sweater you've earned a lot of being stewed in your own juice.” With that, his newly married brother-in-law turned to his mom. “Mother, I haven't had a single sip of champagne yet. The likes of me are in short supply here all the time!"

Will and Bucky grinned at each other. "He's awful.", the groom apologized. Bucky giggled, “I don't think you really think so.” “Not that often. But champagne is a good idea, isn't it?” “Our mother-in-law's champagne is a reason in itself to get married all over. Too bad it won't happen again anytime soon. I can of course leave Steve, make up with him again to just marry him once more. But Pepper would probably only serve me cheap Walmart wine in a bag after.” He winked and set out to arrange the glasses and candles on the table for the wedding breakfast, once again more perfectly than perfect. The wedding breakfast was an English tradition that has ever since been called breakfast at any time of the day. You could have it - as you wanted - as a three-course menu or as a solid brunch or as five o'clock tea, no matter what time it actually was ... For a family reception, it was the best wedding meal you could imagine. There was a lot of finger food and simple, solid dishes. So the children could, if they didn't want to keep sitting at the table, at which more big words would surely be said in elaborate (lengthy and boring) speeches, make themselves comfortable with a fully packed plate on a picnic blanket.

Another reason for this less opulent wedding menu was the sheer time of the wedding ceremony. Firstly, consideration was given to the family's children and for a long time they had had parties in the afternoon rather than in the evening. The second reason was: Loki had made it clear early on he would definitely not spend his wedding night in his old room. ("I'm not going to join this depraved circle - no, civilized as I am, I'll be the only one of this brood to never have had sex in his old room.") For this special event, there was a suite at The Pierre, a Taj Hotel booked, an extremely romantic hotel with a view on Central Park. And Loki didn't want to turn up there with his newlywed husband only late at night. Their luggage for honeymoon had already been sent to the airport and after an extensive breakfast in their suite they would take a plane to Europe.

Pepper poured her son a generous glass and asked: “What did Hela say to you? She looked adorable, and the two of you looked like conspirators. I think it's nice she has such a connection with you.” “It's no wonder, I've spent a lot of time with her.” “Darling, don't be so humble. You are great with her, you always seem to know what she needs right now. She's very shy with the rest of the family.” He looked at his mother with his small smile. "You don't really pretend she doesn't remind you of me, especially you. Why so innocent, mother?" Pepper Stark laughed brightly. “You can't be fooled. I plead guilty. Thor put me on you. He really wants to know and ... well, me too. What did she say? It's pretty selfish of you to keep it to yourself!"

Loki raised an eyebrow, his trademark look. “Mother, that's shameless. As if you were reproaching me so seriously on this a day. You want to trick me. Thor has also to be ashamed of himself. Clinging to his mother's skirt because he has no better idea to squeeze a secret out of me ... Like I'm falling for it. I'm in love, not stupid.” His mother laughed out loud. Some moment later she looked at him with sparkling eyes: “Above all, you are overjoyed. I'm so happy.” With that, she went on tiptoe, kissed his cheek and ... left him alone. He looked after her, puzzled. Actually, he just liked being asked a little. He wasn't about to withhold what his niece had whispered to him. It had been too cute! Now he felt tricked. Well, a game always took two. He would allow himself to be asked a few more times!

Bucky was at one end of the 'breakfast table' and checked the effect a dozen times with narrowed eyes and was startled when he was spoken to. “That looks like a lot of work. Do you need a helping hand?” “Michelle! I haven't spoken to you yet. How are you?” “Another semester filled with bonebreak work is behind me. I'm fine.” “Very good! It was a tough time in college, but I like to think back to it. Today I can’t even imagine how I could muster that much energy.” “You seem to have some energy left. This ... ", she made a gesture that encompassed the whole room, “must have been an enormous amount of work. And it looks fantastic.” He smiled and winked at her.

"I'm available for friends and family - discounted, so to speak, well, more or less free of charge." She laughed: "Does that mean I 'm better about to ask Peter soon so he doesn't follow some footsteps getting married to a guy, too?" Bucky laughed with her. "If you do so and he says yes, I'm obviously great with themed weddings!" "What kind of wedding would that be with Peter and me?" He looked at her thoughtfully. “I'm thinking of protest. I think of rebellion. I think of bio chemistry. Nah, doesn't fit. I think of human rights, equality and the little man. Black Snow White and the rebellious dwarfs?” Michelle 'MJ' Jones burst out laughing.

"What are you laughing about?", Peter approached curiously. "About the little man, means about you." "Bucky, how have I deserved this?" “Totally rightful so. You could have had any sweet, dear girl on the planet adoring you like a moon calf with being mercilessly boring. The heir to Stark Industries, come on now. You've wanted it this way and that's a good thing. We're actually planning your wedding right now.” Peter coughed and got eyes like saucers. "Michelle's scared Stark men of this generation won't marry women." Peter only gave an "Uh ..." "Stop it!", MJ laughed, "this wedding doesn't need a tragedy like that of a heart attack for the youngest brother." "I ...", Peter cleared his throat again, "I solemnly swear I won't be married to a man." "Pff," Bucky snorted, “of course not. With _me_ already taken after all.” Peter made a face. "I now understand why Steve has called you a 'jerk' for 100 years." "Says the one whose nickname - one of many - is a children's underwear brand."

Loki had inconspicuously pulled his husband out of the crowd to go outside. A couple of patio heaters were set up and the terrace was also decorated for Christmas; with fairy lights and (artificial) snow-covered trees. "Are you happy?" "What a question ..." "After all, you've already established; As for this topic now – weddings and marriage - my questions are of an unsuitable nature," Loki smiled. "You shocked me. I heard this topic from you there on the lake for the first time in a context with me.” “Is that so..." “And since I know you and your train of thought very well, it was very unusual for me to have you simply blurting out something like that. _Was_ it the first time you thought of getting married in context with me?” “My smart darling...” he put his hand on Will's cheek. “I was watching you for a while and thought I had never before seen someone express a deeply felt, true, pure love for perfection. But then I realized that was not true. I've seen it before. Not surprisingly on you, too. You were looking at me like that at times. I've just never made this connection before because ... you know." He looked to the side.

William took his chin with his thumb and forefinger and gently forced him to look back at him again: “You will never believe me that I think you _are_ perfect. I know you aren't and yet you are for _me_. For me you are more than I've ever dreamed of in a man.” “I'm not a dream, beloved, and reality _is_ imperfect." He took a step towards his husband, wrapped an arm around his waist. “At that moment, however, I knew every single time you gave me this special glance, you truely and honestly meant it because you _want_ to see me that way - out of love. And then all of a sudden I wanted nothing more than to be yours forever, in the holy covenant of marriage created through human memory and archaic tradition. It doesn't often happen that I'm speaking faster than I think. But it happened. There and then at the picture you gave." Will swallowed, feeling deeply touched, leaned against Loki, hungry for closeness and whispered: "I'd had a vision that lasted only seconds, only briefly and somehow flickering. I saw us, older, in an unfamiliar bedroom. With our books. Night was just falling. We lay warm and together and let in cool, sweet air from outside. And the stars sparkled."

Loki brushed his forehead with his lips. "And did this vision make you happy?" He whispered. “Only very briefly, unfortunately, but still very much. However, the conversation quickly turned bizarre.” “ _How_ happy, William Arthur Harrington?“ Loki insisted. "In an overjoyed way." Will breathed. "What made you hesitate?" "First of all: your strange way of asking that a meaningful question." Loki chuckled. “But ...”, he hesitated, “also the fragility of our love. I'm not lying to you and you want to know: What had happened has shaken me to the core of my safety within you.” “I'm so sorry...” “I know!" "You couldn't trust me anymore and it is only human and all too understandable.” “In its entirety, everything is much easier to understand for me now, but my feelings on the premiere night, my broken heart ... I ... I am so sorry, too...” “Don't be!" Loki urged desperately, "You don't have to be sorry for anything. What I did to you, how inhuman and cruel and monstrous I was ... I ... know you will never be able to forget it. But: I love you for forgiving me. And be sure: I broke my own heart, too, with yours."

"Loki ...", his voice was warm, full of tenderness, his arms wrapped even tighter around his loved man, he pressed his forehead against Loki's neck, just underneath his ear, "whoever claims to be able to love must first prove they can forgive." His husband swallowed, lifted Will's chin again with his thumb and forefinger, looked him straight in the eyes: " _And when you're mistreated by moments of fear /_ Scared to trust my love so know it's dear / Remember the ocean I've crossed to get through / The rough one, and dreadful, just to find you too / This my heart is not one easy or light / _It be but strengthened by love_ _and_ _pain so bright.”_ Will smiled dreamily:

"Dearest ... and be sure: I carry this heart with me - I carry it in my heart / And I am never without you - wherever I go, you go too / And everything I do, you do too, my darling! / I'm not afraid of fate - because you are my fate – sweetest of loves, you / I don't want the world - it is beautiful, but my real world is you / And you are whatever a moon has meant and whatever a sun has sung in her rays / You are all of that!” “I ... ", Loki voice was hoarse, he had to clear his throat, "I'd like to catch up on our wedding kiss now." William whispered, "I've got a little time."

Breathing hard, they broke away from each other what felt like an eternity later. Loki let fall his head in his neck. "Well, look ... what's that?" Will looked up too. It was... mistletoe attached to the struts of the porch canopy. "Loki ..." he whispered breathlessly. “I haven't left this to Bucky. A mistletoe! We have to kiss, it brings good luck.” “Who would I be to challenge it?” Their kiss grew long and deep. After, Will cocked his head: “Maybe ...”, he cleared his throat, “we have to be thankful to Morgan. I don't think the kiss in front of everyone would have turned out so nice and we would have had no reason to catch it up.” “The degree of gratitude this branch of the family expects from me is already enough.” Will hit him lightly against his chest.

“And rightly so. Be a little nicer to Bucky once.” “I'm very nice to Bucky, many times. And if you knew which ideas I nipped all in the bud, you'd be surprised I didn't fire him after few days.” “You can't fire someone you don't pay.” “Is that so? Bucky's reward is constant praise and admiration from the family as well as your beaming smile, which, as he hopefully knows, he's better only enjoying discreetly." Will giggled: "In your silly jealousy you've been more convincing before.” “And then I thought, a little more subtle jealousy underscores my joy about me being the one who've tied the knot with you." At this Will chuckled: "Well, Bucky was taken after all." Loki acted hurt.“ You're making fun of me.” “Just a tiny little bit. Butterflies in my stomach always make me a little wanton.” “Wanton? _Bratty_ I'd say” He bowed his head again and Will too thought there had been enough talking...

"Where are Will and Loki?", Steve looked around searchingly. Peter called: “I've seen them go out on the terrace and I'm guarding the door, so to speak. I think they want to be alone a bit.” Steve wrinkled his nose in amusement. "Well, hopefully they will be back for the wedding breakfast. I would have preferred my old room to the terrace in his place, but he has to stand out from his inferior brothers in decency and tact.” “Junior!”, Tony exclaimed stepping closer, but he didn't lower his voice, "Have I ever told you Jarvis informed me almost exactly 20 years ago that Mr. Steven was obviously not aware about only the children's rooms and adjoining bathrooms being excluded from the camera surveillance system?” Steve looked at him puzzled and questioning, while Peter's grin was growing wide, threatening to meet his ears. Bucky came to them: "What are you talking about?"

“Bucky, my boy. Too bad we don't have a child at home anymore so you and Steve could babysit on New Year's Eve. I would have thought it would have been nice for you to celebrate a special 20th anniversary on the terrace.” Bucky had been thinking of his first Christmas as Steve's boyfriend at the Starks' house all day with all the Christmas magic around him and how awkward and prudish he had felt with all the blunt adults around him (and Pietro!). His synapses switched way faster than his husband's. He went crimson all over for the first time in many years. “Where have you known from...?” “Jarvis. But don't worry, he only informed me of the fact itself and didn't show me anything.” Now Steve understood and he blushed too, but laughed out loud at the same time. "Goodness, are there still camera feed copies in the archive? I would like to have a look. For scientific reasons, of course.” “Only over my dead body.” Bucky growled, but he had to laugh along with him. It _was_ funny...

"Some more champagne, Mrs. O'Mara?" "Please call me Liz." He nodded with a smile: "I'm Thor." She laughed: "Well, I know of course. This is not a small family, but a person with normal intellectual abilities can keep track of things. And yes, please give me some more. The champagne is excellent.” “I prefer a simple good old-fashioned lager.” He lifted his beer bottle. “How are you, Thor?” “Excellent.” “You look like it too. Have you recovered well?” “I've had a lot of support. And enough reasons to do my best.” His gaze wandered to his wife and children, Hela was of course close to her mother tugging at a rag doll, Fandral and Erik played with Thor's old marble catapults. “Your children are lovely. The little one's looking like an angel.” He smiled and bowed his head thanking. "They have a gorgeous mother." Liz cocked her head. "It seems like you inherited all the family's modesty _before_ your younger brother tampered with the gene pool." Thor smiled.

“Loki always says I mustn't only work on my muscles, I have to finally regain some of my charming rough edges. Like cockiness and rumbling carelessness. What can I say? He's probably right. But ... some things are changing you." She looked at him sympathetically: "If you want to, you will be the same again someday. Give yourself a little more time.” “I'm sure you are right.” He sighed and changed the subject: “A great day. We are all very happy to have Will as part of our family. He's a wonderful person.” “Indeed he is! You probably don't like to hear but: Your brother got me on my toes and Loki is better off being careful. I can get uncomfortable when it comes to my friends and William is the most precious to me of all.” Thor pursed his lips a little setting them in a rare harsh line. “You know, of course I respect your point of view, you're Will's friend. But allow me to give you a suggestion: My brother was hurt, too.” Liz's eyes widened, she took a deep breath, but was stopped by a pleadingly raised hand.

“As prejudiced - and rightly so - you are about this, as much must you grant me that right with my brother. Loki is...", he thought for a moment, then smiled, "he is definitely much better than me at expressing things like that. A true word acrobat. But do you know? He never expressed his pain, loneliness, or hurting. So I cannot fall back on his usually explanatory and yet beautiful words. He had found himself in a situation that for him resembled the hellfire about which he created such a moving play. His helplessness and despair removed him from everything - almost raptured him. And no one had reached out a hand far enough for him to be able to get a grip on. He was scared, overwhelmed, filled with grief and worry and he was...", Thor swallowed, "all alone. The loneliest person in the world. Us, his family, have to live with this neglect and hopefully can make up for it at some point. But we weren't the only ones who failed him. That's what I meant: my brother was hurt too.” Liz stared at him with her lips slightly parted. "Did he tell you?" He shook his head no seriously. "He didn't have to." "Then you can't know if..." He didn't let her finish. What he had to tell was too important to him to discuss. "I know for sure."

She was speechless. With Thor Stark, one also had to do with a strong-willed person being very firm in his convictions - which she hadn't even thought at first. He wasn't someone you wanted to have against you, she could feel behind all the friendliness and harmlessness he radiated. 'Her' William had married into a bloody creepy family. Thor chuckled: "You're looking a bit scared, I haven't intended so." After a cough, she asked as dryly as she managed: "Then why are you telling me all this? It seems to me to be very personal and I cannot suspect any intention or motivation behind it.” He laughed softly:

"I'm telling you all of this so you can sit back, enjoy the merriful party and get rid of your subliminal worries." “I do not know what you mean. I'm very happy for Will.” “Of course, I can see that clearly. And yet you don't trust my brother. But Will does, and maybe you'll see that that's enough for you, too. William knows what he's doing and Loki, he ... Well, I can assure you, he won't leave his side until his last breath. He loves him and to give him his hand for marriage is binding him forever. That's him.” The simplicity and conviction in his words stunned Elizabeth O'Mara. When she noticed the approaching rescue at an angle behind her friendly smiling conversation partner, she let out quite some air.

"Will!" She called a bit breathlessly. He was just coming back with Loki, who was joking with his youngest brother about 'keeping cave' or something like that, but Will came over to her, smiling. Loki, who followed him shortly after, took in the situation at one glance. Her confusion, Thor's determined demeanor. He looked sternly at the older brother. “What have you told her? Liz! Don't listen to him, he fell off the changing table when he was a baby.” He didn't take his eyes off the calmly smiling brother. Thor laughed, “Don't let mom hear that. Nothing like this has ever in life happened to her.” “Thor...” “Loki", Liz answered for him. With a sideways glance at Thor Stark, she shamelessly lied: “Your brother was so nice to tell me about his illness. I asked him to do so. I know, totally inappropriate, but a cousin of mine got the diagnosis last week.” “Oh, I'm sorry. I wish the family all the best.” Will, who suspected she was lying, she hadn't told him anything about an ill cousin - or any cousin at all - looked from one to the other with a frown.

But before he could say anything on the subject, the sound of Christmas bells came from the speakers. The wedding breakfast was served! Loki looked at his brother one last time, but offered his husband his arm to accompany him to the table. Liz stayed back a little. Thor whispered: “Thank you. Sometimes I don't like to answer to him.” “I can imagine. Ain't a walk huh? And you're welcome. You are right, by the way. I'm being some silly goose.” “In the shape of a swan,” he replied with a gallant smile and hurried to his wife (a very happy astrophysicist with the giggle of a schoolgirl) to help with the children. Heck, Stark men were something! And she still had barely exchanged two words with Steven Stark. Wasn't she the bridesmaid? Wasn't it obligatory, so to speak, to flirt with her? She decided to have fun with this thing from now on!

The table, a long table with wooden benches on either side, was adorned lengthways with gnarled, leafless, picturesquely shaped trees, with candle-filled jars hanging from their tangled branches. In terms of color, everything was winterly gray and icy blue. The caterer and his staff had set up serving pyramids all over the long table. It contained everything that had ever been served at an English tea party and found to be good: a wide variety of scones, avocado toast, tea cakes, muffins, tiny sandwiches with herb butter, jams and chutneys, cheddar and Munster, madeleines, plum pudding, of course, and fish fingers as well as french fries for the less adventurous children.

Nobody was surprised Morgan, being cooked for by her father in a varied and experimental way from an early age, wanted to try everything. Erik and Fandral had fish and chips, and their parents had brought a can of spinach noodles for Hela. At the moment she only and exclusively liked spinach noodles. Pepper and Tony knew this well enough from Loki at that age and reassured Hela's worried parents. The body would tell the child what it needed and when the carbohydrate-vegetable phase was over, a protein-mineral phase would certainly follow. How long it had taken them then to accept the fact, however, they kept silent. Fortunately, the circus they had run to get food in Loki didn't end in an eating disorder. At the age of three and entering nursery school, the boy had eaten everything the other children were from one day to the next. It had been, as everyone today assumed, his adjustment to the first social group of his life. He hadn't found that necessary in his family ...

It was a fun casual meal. Snacks were exchanged, English cuisine was praised more than once in astonishment (at least the tea culture in England is extremely delicious) and people talked to each other, joked, laughed and everyone had a good time. After an enjoyable hour, Loki tapped his knife on a glass. The conversations ebbed and everyone looked at him expectantly. “Probably each of you expects a speech marked by linguistic eloquence, sparkling spirit and fine puns from me. However, I am well aware how few of you appreciate the beauty and grandeur of the word. So I'll save this for later. For my husband." Steve exclaimed exuberantly: "Sounds like a bombshell wedding night!" Loki snorted: "Be assured of this, brother: in the end mine will be no different from yours. I'm convinced of the - is it really me sing this phrase? - the _bombshell_ quality of this event. It's like with my plays - consistently good reviews.” He looked quite pleased with himself earning giggles. They didn't have to worry about the children catching something not intended for their ears. After Loki's first opulent words, all the children surely had tuned out.

"Besides," he continued, "I would be sorry to bore my valued niece again." Morgan 'whispered' audibly: "Does he mean _me_ , Peter?" She was sitting with him and MJ. “So I'll be brief: To be here with all of you today is the most normal thing in the world for me since I can remember. Celebrating important days together have always been the glamorous highlights of the year. I know I've never given the impression I was enjoying myself like everyone else and I am now taking this moment as an opportunity to express to all of you from the bottom of my heart that I _have_ actually. In my own way. I was always and seriously happy. To grow up in your circle, to survive the crazy years of youth and adolescence and to return to this circle again and again as a grown man like into a harbor, a mother's lap, a father's arms, it has always given me strength, support and courage and always made me - honestly and sincerely - happy. Thank you all.” He paused briefly to collect himself, moved as he was. Apart from the one or the other suppressed cough or sniffling, it had grown all quiet at the table. Everyone hung on his lips, listening to his melodious baritone, his expressive way of speaking.

“But,” he went on, “as much as I've quietly enjoyed each gathering throughout the years, today is not the glamorous climax of a year or a period of life or a decade. It is the high point of a whole human life. This life would certainly not be miserable without a certain person, with quiet joy at family parties, fulfilling work, good conversations with like-minded people. Also, enjoyable hours with nephews and nieces brightening up everyday life again and again ... It wasn't a bad life. It was even a good life.” He smiled around and his loved ones nodded. His mother breathed a kiss at him. “But ... Anyone who has tasted heaven will never be satisfied with the good solid earth again. Don't get me wrong: the good, solid earth is a peaceful quiet place. There is little danger. But I have tasted heaven and never want any less in my entire life. If dangers are to lurk, my heart and my salvation shall be threatened! I've found something that is more than just _living_. I _love_. And that's simple and great at the same time and everything. And I'll never give it up.” He had to turn away, his voice had already wavered, he hid his face at the shoulder of his husband, who quickly wiped away a couple tears. Putting an arm around Loki, he raised his glass and shouted "Hear hear!" It echoed from all sides.

"Haven't you again understood a word, either, papa?" Morgan's remark lighted up the touched tension. It earned laughter all around the table. Bucky looked at Steve as if he wished him a cruel, slow death, but he only smirked at him. Their daughter made a strange face. "Have _you_ understood everything, Peter?" "No, I haven't.", her godfather chuckled, "but one thing I've got: Loki is happy and overjoyed we are having his wedding party with him." Morgan thought for a moment and came up with: "The _food_ is good." “O-ho, little Lady Morgan," her recently married uncle cried out, amused, "isn't this revelry to your liking?" Morgan didn't understand exactly what Loki was talking about, but actually had something on her mind: "There is no dancing or any games. What kind of party is this?" Bucky grinned: "Your first bad reviews, brother-in-law!" Loki cleared his throat: "Mine? Who's planned the wedding?” “Who's nipped all the fun ideas in the bud? And by the way: do you think that was _brief?_ Well, this _will_ be a bombshell wedding night - even more of this." Loki smiled smugly: "I had my reasons for getting married so early in the day. Everything has to have its time.” William intervened:

“I also want speak to all of you. Give a brief speech. Well, maybe at least _a bit_ shorter.” Everyone fell silent, looking at him expectantly. "Dear Liz, I'm starting with you: You are a loyal friend to me and you have always supported me and given me understanding, affection and support. As a wedding planner, you were a dead man, but the prosecco evenings were great. Thanks for that. And thank you for being my best friend.” They smiled at each other. Liz had to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. _Good old Will!_ He continued, “Pepper and Tony. No one can wish for a loving welcome as a new family member more than you're giving. The welcome you have given me is covering me like a warm blanket on a harsh winter evening. I see myself less as your son-in-law than as your friend and yet it seems to me as if I had – late in life, but that doesn't matter - actually got new parents. Well, today it _is_ Christmas, at that."

“Steven, Peter and especially Thor. You are Loki's brothers. Each of you couldn't be more different from him. It's amazing how different all of you are. But you are all the same in one thing: your sense of family and your love for and devotion to good things - love, solidarity, care and last but not least: fun and joy of life. In particular, I would like to finally turn to you, Thor: Nothing could make me happier than to have met your brother, to be allowed to love him and – the best of it - to be loved back by him. But there is a not inconsiderable second great joy: I'm happy about the outcome of the dark episode in your life. More than happy. Overjoyed. And I hope I can be another brother to you. With you, a ray of sunshine would have died out in this world.” He lowered his head, gave everyone a moment to collect themselves, including himself. When he looked up again, he looked at Loki. “Now to you. The best for last. Loki, you are a true miracle to me. It is true that it's always said that man cannot unravel or understand miracles. But to unravel you is an everlasting source of joy for me and to understand you is making the miracle, _my_ miracle - _you_ even more precious. Love of my life that you are ... I can only say: I love you and I love you and I love you. There is no more."

*

As a farewell, Loki of course told his mother and favorite brother what Hela had whispered to him:

( _“Well, sweetie, what have you got there? It's not a present, is it?”_

“ _It's your rings, Uncle Loki.” Said the girl shyly. "But one ring is for Uncle Will, Goldilocks."_ )

"Uncle Will already has sooo big a ring. You will need two of them for yourself."

( _“But sweetie, Uncle Will doesn't like it that much anyway. I'll pull it off and then he'll need another one.”_

_"Yes, that's right, Uncle Loki."_

_"There's a ring for you too, Uncle Will." He smiled and petted her curly head._

_"Thank you, my dear."_ )


	142. Time to Detonate a Bomb

**Time to Detonate a Bomb**

The limo rolled down the driveway to loud cheers. It was only 6pm, but Loki had kindly but determined informed the family he would like to unfold his very private wedding magic from now on. Not everyone was saddened. Morgan was in a party mood. Her papa, as soon as the happy couple had disappeared, pulled out all the stops putting the party ideas disdained by the groom into practice. Calling up a karaoke Disney Christmas Magic round on the entertainment system was easy and father and daughter were the first to sing a four-part duet from Disney's Aladdin. Four-part means: Bucky was loud and fervently and Morgan was loud and ... off-key. Everyone was having a great time. Thor also quickly got busy singing, dancing, and playing party games with the kids (except for Hela, she wasn't one for loud activities). Peter and MJ were soon infected as well happily mingling in.

Jane did a puzzle with Hela, one for way older children. Tony sat down on a nearby stool. You always had to give the girl some time. Mostly she got aware of the interest in her activities and gladly let the people she knew well participate. And like this it was this time too: “Grandpa, look! It's soon finished.” He smiled widely sitting down next to her. "May I try a piece too, Goldilocks?" The little one was very fond of her nickname, given by Loki, so all family members used it regularly. "It's hard, Grandpa." Tony looked at his daughter-in-law. "There are smart girls in this family." She shrugged her shoulders twisting her mouth in a wry smile. "What can you do? Revenge of the chromosomes." He chuckled: "Yeah, what...? Hela, angel, help me a little, we're looking for the next piece together, what do you think?" The child thought for a moment: "It must be blue, nearly overall." He was reminded - for the hundredth time when he was with Hela - of Loki. He had done puzzles the same way. This made Tony very happy. Mainly because Hela's father was great with people like Loki - and obviously with his daughter - more than anyone else in the world. Life would not be easy for his granddaughter, but she will always feel loved and cared for!

Elizabeth O'Mara felt a little lost in the close bunch since Will and Loki had disappeared into their wedding night enchantment. _Great_ ... Those people were nice, yes. But they were also intimidating. But then it happened! Steven Stark, the _splendid fellow_ , came to her with two glasses of champagne speaking to her gallantly: “You must feel completely lost, Liz. I know this family can be exhausting."

(About two hours ago Steve and Bucky had found themselves together on the terrace. "Camera feed, baby!" "Steve ... Who wants to watch this? I was shaking like a leaf and you kept looking over your shoulder because I couldn't get the condom over because. Insanely sexy." Steve laughed softly: “Me. _I_ want to watch it.” “You're a naughty punk.” “Fancy a repeat? Leave the rubber in case you're shaking." Giggling his husband shook his head. "Jarvis? Monitoring south terrace online?” “Monitoring south terrace online and all eyes and ears, Mister James.” “You see, Stevie? No, thanks!" Steve chuckled: "Jarvis! Can we, _Mister James_ and me, spice up your work and your everyday life a little bit by reconstructing valuable memory data?" There was a short break. “Sorry, Mister Steven, Mister Stark provided me with an application a long time ago to make me failing to archive adult material." "Spoilsport." Steve grumbled in jest. "Let's postpone it until later, alright?", Bucky said, "although I'm a little afraid I'll break down at 10 pm to be sleeping like a log until New Year." "You don't _necessarily_ have to be awake." “ _Careful_ , Steven.”, The reproachful tone was only acted. He changed the subject:

“I think you ought to take care a bit of Will's Best Girl later.” “Why me?” “There are several reasons: First, she is a bridesmaid and you have enough experience with them. Second, someone _has_ to flirt with her. What would being a bridesmaid be without the fun of being flirted at? Who do you think is supposed to do do it? Thor? Dad? _Peter_?” “You?" Bucky snorted: "Very believable. There's a third reason. She's fancying you.” “ _No,_ she isn't _..._ ", Bucky noticed his husband was flattered, despite his modest endeavor. He cocked his head. “Stevie ... you're a snack! The wedding breakfast is finished and yet some guests could use a little dessert. Looks like you're very appetizing in your tight sweater, which even wasn't exactly loose when you were a few pounds less.” “Do _you_ think so?” “Stevie, you know how taken with you I am. The more of you, the better.” “And with that you send me flirting with the bridesmaid? ”

“The happy couple will soon set out to escape our vile merrymaking. I consider it my duty to act as a substitute and ensure their guests enjoy themselves to the last. I don't have to worry about you making out with the bridesmaid in the broom closet, do I?" Steve laughed, his deep bartion rumbled pleasantly and Bucky smiled mischievously. “I also promise I'll hold out until half past ten. But be careful, you punk, I'm watching you and Mrs. O'Mara from a safe distance. After all, she's just like your mother and you know what that does to some men.” Steve was shaking his head, giggling. "You're such a jerk." "Thank God, you love the jerk in me nearly the most." "And who in you, do you think, goes first place?" Bucky got on the balls of his feet to rock against him and kissed the tip of his nose. "The devil in me who makes you flirt while being amused to watch her eating you up with her eyes _and_ knowing this is all my wedding breakfast dessert." Steve made a confused face. “Why so meany?” “Let's put it this way: she annoyed me. Was a little too surprised I'm more than your pretty thing to play with. Call it payback” “Devil...” “You like it.”, Bucky turned to go giving him another promising look over his shoulder. "Make an effort and make me proud." He left Steve amused, but a bit doubtful all the same. He was out of practice, ultimately...)

“Oh no, Steve. Not at all. I have never experienced a wedding relaxed like this. Who would have thought when a millionaire's getting married? The children are lounging on a picnic blanket on the floor to have jam rolls. It's a very nice party.” “May I offer you some more champagne?” “Of course, I won't say no. I rarely afford such luxury. But I don't have to tell you anything. You're only a teacher, too." Steve laughed softly: "Yes, it's in fact Bucky from the two of us who's making the big money." And this remark, when he looked at it soberly, summed up his flirting skills: 'talk to your target about your husband'. He was hopeless. “Engineering always pays off, I guess. We did something wrong, you and me, Steve. But let's go join Bucky, your brothers, and the children. Looks like fun. The second nice party your husband is doing today.” With that they went to the cheerful circle. Bucky grinned at Steve, his nose wrinkled, he looked _cute_ ... His husband sighed. Late in the evening, they were already in bed: “That was pathetic, Stevie, was it two or three minutes you could fascinate her? At least I don't have to stay up until ten thirty now. I'm half dead.” “You sure don't really mind I'm totally out of practice with matters like this.” Bucky gestured for him to hug him and snuggled against his broad chest. Pleased with his 'cushion' he murmured sleepily: “You know what? I'm proud of you for unlearning.” Steve chuckled, kissed Bucky's soft curls wishing him good night.

(The Pierre, a Taj Hotel)

"Good evening. Reservation 24, please.” The concierge inclined his head, said “Good evening, Sirs.” and entered the reservation number into the system without looking. “The Honeymoon Suite, very well. Everything is ready for you. Welcome to The Pierre, Mr Harrington.” Both men answered at the same time “Thank you.” then looked at each other. William giggled a little. "Do you already know when you want to dine?" They looked at each other again and Will nodded at him with a small shrug. “We'll inform you as soon as we've decided on a menu with telling you the time.” “Very well, Sirs. Please contact me if you have any requests or needs relating to your stay in our house. My name is Jeremy Winters and you can reach me by house phone at speed dial, zero. Elevator eight leads directly into the suite and these cards are keys to both the elevator and your rooms.” He handed them two code cards. "Enjoy your stay and allow me to express my best wishes to you, Mr and Mr Harrington." They thanked Mr Winters and headed for the elevators. The concierge smiled quietly to himself. One of them _Mister Harringtons_ in ugly Christmas sweaters under their coats was Loki Stark, of course, it was easy to recognize him when working in his position. However, his salary at The Pierre was so generous he was not even tempted to risk his job with a lucrative tip to the press ...

The suite, spacious and luxuriously furnished, on the 32nd floor high above Central Park, was bathed in a cozy light. A homely fire flickered in the fireplace of the salon and the room was decently and tastefully decorated with flowers. In an intimate lounge in a corner there was a cooler with champagne on the table and on a plate next to it were salmon and herb-buttered bread slices on a thin layer of ice. A bowl of strawberries was also served. Everything must have been brought in while they were on their way up. "Champagne, Mr. Harrington?" "Sure, Mr. Harrington-Stark." Loki poured, Will whistled a short sequence of 'Pretty Woman' and laughed at his husband as he handed him the glass. “Not bad at all how far I've come. Me, an English linguistics professor from Canada.” They toasted. “You make fun of me and my pomposity. Tsas, on our wedding day?” Will's eyes sparkled. “Late revenge for your constant nagging in the Cornwall cottage.” “Nagging! My comment that even at a moderate price of £80 for an overnight stay you might expect not to have to pump the water for the kitchen up the well yourself was most appropriate.” “Something that is repeated over and over is no comment. It's nagging. "

The banter was a little game between them they loved. From their extensive travels, Will was used to staying in the most expensive room in the best house in the city. In return, however, they also stayed in hikers' huts; on narrow, drafty houseboats; in picturesque barns on old farms and, just like back then in England, in an ancient cottage with a kitchen without running water. Just as William granted his lover the luxury he valued, Loki gave him the gift of doing without it, when the hour dictated. And just as Loki liked to complain and nag a little, Will liked to tease him a little. This, the night in a indecently expensive suite in one of Manhattan's best hotels, was his 'wedding present' to Loki, who just didn't want to spend their wedding night underneath. And a romantic, cheesy wedding had been Loki's present to Will, who didn't want to get married with less. As always, they enjoyed each other's content and happiness beyond measure.

“You booked the suite under the name Harrington? What if I said 'no'?” “Don't be ridiculous. Given, what reason would I've had to come here at all? In addition, by adding the number of a valid credit card to a booking, you can also log in as Alexander the Great or Winnie the Pooh. For $1300 a night I can expect to be called whatever I like.” Will laughed out loud. “Have you tried the faucets yet?” “What are you mean. Who would have thought. As soon as we're getting married, you develop into a boaster.” “Isn't the say going that married people become more and more similar over time?” “Haven't even known this would happen in just a couple of hours. And what does that even mean? I'm not a boaster.” “But you're mean.” “You've copied quickly.” “I'm not mean at all. Just a little puckish.” “I have to admit, I like it. Let's choose the courses for dinner, the menus are behind you, I think.” After their choice was made, Loki called Mr Winters to order dinner for 9 pm and the concierge informed him his special booking was ready now. He hung up with a smile, turned to Will and said, “Take your glass and go with me to the balcony. We haven't even admired the view. "

Central Park, illuminated for Christmas, was spread out 32 floors below them and it was lovely. William sighed. "Magnificent..." "Yes, isn't it? I think we have to take a closer look. The Pierre has access to the park guests can use after the closing times, which were tightened some years ago due to the high crime rate. Put your coat on!" His husband beamed at him: "A walk in deserted Central Park! A wonderful idea. I _love_ you.” “You know what? I love you too and I've known you'd like it, hurry up, the more time we have until dinner, the better!"

Mr Winters welcomed the couple again: "I hope the suite and the welcome snack have been to your complete liking, Sirs?" They assured the nice concierge they were perfectly fine. He smiled, “Elena will take you to the park. Have a nice walk. The night is a little cold. Of course, the fire in the fireplace in your suite will be kept going while you are away.” “Thank you very much, Mr. Winters.” “It's a pleasure, Mr. and Mr. Harrington. Your dinner will be served on time. I recommend the tète-a-tète table in the alcove for a dinner for two. Is that alright with you?” “Anything you recommend will contribute to our well-being. I am convinced of that.” “Thank you very much, gentlemen, good evening.” “Please follow me this way.” The page girl in the tasteful uniform of the hotel staff preceded. When they got to the gate, she opened it with a code card. “Of course, you can open this access with your code card when you return. Have a wonderful evening, gentlemen.” Loki discreetly handed her a $50 bill. "Thank you Miss Elena, the same to you." She nodded her thanks and left.

“Loki Harrinton-Stark, I want you to kiss me right away!” Loki laughed softly: “Prefixing your name to mine gave you a powerful weapon. The use of the middle name implies a certain urgency in your concern.” “It's not working, I guess. Or why don't you kiss me yet?” Loki sighed in mock resignation, took him in his arms to kiss him. He left his husband a little breathless. "Y-you're the most sophisticated man I can imagine." “That's ridiculous. You especially saw me stepping on more faux pas than anyone else.” “This is.. _. not true_!" Will laughed, "I am ever-so-impressed, _again_. If it goes on like this, I'll get - to put it profanely - wet panties.” “Well, I think wet panties are mandatory on a wedding night and I cannot deny this causes a certain satisfaction in me."

“In any case, your intended goal is within reach!” “In fact it is. Come on, I've got a surprise for you.” Will gaped his eyes widely raising his eyebrows. "Wh-what? This is to top at all?” “I hope so. After all, I don't want most of the most memorable magic on our wedding day to come from Bucky, of all people.” “ _Loki .._.” “I'm just kidding. I'm convinced when you're waking up tomorrow, the memories of this day and night won't be ruled by Bucky.” The seductive undertone made a shiver trickle down Williams's back. He leaned against him for a moment and breathed: "Definitely not." They went and when they took the first bend, a carriage was waiting! Will's lower jaw fell, almost to his chest. "Oh my god ..." he whispered. He knew Bucky had suggested a carriage for the ride to their hotel, but the way was just too far for an open carriage in winter, and a closed carriage was hardly more romantic than a taxi.

Loki supported him gallantly under his elbow as he got in and followed him after. There were blankets and the floor and bench were heated. “Gentlemen,” the coachman had turned to them, “my name is Carl. Where do you wish to be taken?” “Good evening, Carl. Shakespeare Garden, please.” Carl clicked his tongue and the pair of horses trotted off. Watching his newlywed soak up the scenery around them, mouth and eyes open, visibly feasting on the nightly, strange, mysteriously illuminated park, reminded him of that significant hour on a lake in Patagonia and he swore in secret to ensure his husband could marvel in such a delight until his last breath. Nothing made him more beautiful than those soft, as if bewitched features, the gleam of his deep brown eyes and the tiny dimples in the corners of his mouth only hinting at a smile. As Loki knew, however, it was the deepest and most honestly felt and therefore most beautiful smile of William Harrington's.

When they arrived at Shakespeare Garden, Carl was given a tip and dismissed. A walk in the deserted Central Park at Christmas was on their agenda. First they visited the statue of the revered poet. "Shakespeare in the park," Loki said dryly. Will giggled. "The Marionette Theater is quite close, isn't it?" Loki smiled at him. “You do remember?” “Loki. Of course! My first visit to New York! How could I forget any of it?” “I also like to recall each hour of it.” “Who would have thought at the time it would get us this far?” When Loki didn't answer, Will was puzzled. “Darling?” “I remember something I told you: 'You can have this as long as you want to. I love you and I have you and I won't let go. I'm holding onto you.'” “Your terabyte memory is frightening.” “I remember something else: You told me: 'Have eternity with me. I give everything to make you happy - I can't find my own true happiness in anything else. Never again.'. Do you find it really surprising we've ended in marriage?” Will was speechless and swallowed. Loki took his hand: "Come on, let's go to the Marionette Theater and indulge in memories." With that he pulled him along a path.

"Loki, wait!" He turned expectantly. Will looked pleadingly at him. "Forgive me. Of course you are right. Everything about my first visit here indicated it would end like this - it had to end like this!” Loki's facial features softened. “Dearest ...”, he breathed, “you don't have to apologize for anything. You've just made a remark that could hardly be more normal and appropriate. It's not your fault I ... Well, you've said it yourself: My memory is frightening." His husband took a big step towards him, grabbing his upper arms: "Beloved. Everything about you and your fascinating memory is perfect for me. I'll tell you again and again. It's time you believe me.” Loki looked at him unfathomably for a little while. Will was used to it, it hadn't stressed him for a long time. “William Arthur Harrington. You are the most lovable creature on the entire planet and let me assure you: In the course of this night I will give you firmly convincing and deeply intended perfection. And every impulse, every broken word from you, every sound, every sigh and every hitch of your breath, made heavy by what I'm doing to you, will convince me I _can_ be perfect for you." Will gave a choked noise.

Loki's lips twisted into a malicious grin. “There he is again. My sweet darling, the patient groom. He has been languishing in honest innocence for ages, promised but not yet united, he paints the long-awaited wedding night in the most dazzling colors. Will it meet his expectations?” William shook his head in disbelief. But Loki found something else in the expression on his face: amusement. Laughing softly, he murmered: “And there _I_ am again. Awful. As you know me and..." Will interrupted: "... _love_ you! As I love you. In your obnoxiousness and your pomposity, your cosmopolitanism and your occasional purposefulness, making a faux pas and your fascinating ability to reproduce a conversation from years ago verbatim and that you are still wearing a hideous sweater to please me and the fact that me from all people who are just as fascinated as I am ... “, he had to pause, too moved to go on. Loki grabbed his shoulders, hugged him tightly whispering into his curly hair as if in a fever: “Who else could I have wanted? You who's hating Jane Eyre, to start from the beginning. You, who kept me waiting longingly for mails, every day since we only corresponded via a forum. You who found me in Chicago in front of the ugliest painting; of course you did. You who can ... love me for who I _am_. Will, my beloved husband, I could tell you a thousand more reasons and tomorrow morning we would be found as a tragically ended love story, frozen to death in Central Park. And all of my plans for the… _most bombastic_ wedding night of all time were in vain. Do you want this?"

Will chuckled wetly: "Um. How can I say 'no' to a bombastic wedding night, my awful, perfect darling, eh?” “Not at all, luckily. And that's why we'd better get moving now. The route I have carefully planned takes about 45 minutes. But if we take a break at every point to get sentimental and tearful, in the end my oldest somewhat pompous brother and his cocky, _unfortunately_ lovable husband are right and this wedding night is lacking in momentum. We don't want that." Will laughed: "Well, we actually don't grant them this satisfaction, as much as we like 'em. Let's go." The route from Shakespeare Garden, past the Marionette Theater, through a romantic forest to Alice's Wonderland, a detour to Bow Bridge, past Lounging Rock and the final destination, the Central Park Waterfalls, was charming. They felt like the only people on the planet and their hands rarely left each other's. When they arrived at The Pierre at around eight, they had cooled off a bit from the frosty temperatures and Loki went, running the obscenely large bathtub. While they waited for the tub to be full, they again searched the internet for dozens of ideas of what to do in and around Florence (and Verona! _Juliet's balcony!_ ).

Comfortably warmed up from the bath, their heads light from champagne, wrapped in fluffy bathrobes, their feet in preheated slippers, they inspected the three-tier serving trolley, set in the alcove next to the tète-a-tète dining table. It was covered with the finest china, candles were lit up and in the belly of the serving trolley they found their menu of six light courses. Everything looked and tasted delicious.

“Your father didn't lie when he promised us the best wedding ceremony the world has ever seen. But he' gone over the top about your allegedly countless corrections, hasn't he?” Loki laughed: “That's the way he is, he likes to wrap his modesty in a friendly nagging. In fact, his wedding speech had only the tiniest and very few flaws. And even this word is an absolute exaggeration and it can only occur to a snob of words like me to call it so.” Will smiled. "Maybe it will not be the last wedding he will perform. What do you think? Have Jane and Thor get a taste for it after all?” “Thor won't want to copy our wedding, or Steve's and Bucky's at that. Throughout his life he feels unjustifiably in our shadows. I just can't convince him how far his self-image is from reality. If Thor gets married, he will likely do it barefoot on a beach in Hawaii and be blessed by a kahuna with an ancient fertility ritual without realizing. And in ten years they will have just as many children and we have nieces and nephews with names like Frigga, Sif, Volstagg and Yggdrasil. Well, the more, the merrier, right?” Will laughed out loud at the given picture. Loki's bright eyes and the warmth in his voice when speaking of the older brother delighted him.

“Thor's children are adorable, the two boys are his images, Erik even looks-wise. But Hela's got my heart in her delicate fist. She... ", he bit his lip, looking a little embarrassed. "... is like me.", Loki completed the sentence and he looked quietly satisfied before his lips curled in mockery, "the poor child." "Darling..." "We ought to not forget - at another family gathering - to also shower Lady Morgan with compliments and attention extensively. Steve and Bucky are funny to watch when they're somersaulting with pride.” “You are horrible. Morgan is a _great_ kid. I've never met an eight-year-old with that a healthy self-confidence and a balanced, honest character like her.” “You're right. Morgan _is_ a great kid. She's combining the charmingly loose mouth of her papa with the somewhat trampling ingeniousness of her dad. What can I say? She has great parents.” Will nodded, smiling.

"As a matter of fact. Just like you or Erik, Fandral and Hela.” “I take it from your words, you like the chaotic bunch you've married into.” “Liking is no expression! I _love_ them all! They are a very welcome bonus to what has been given to me.” Loki took a sip of wine, looking deeply into his eyes over the rim of the goblet and lowered his voice to a seductive murmur: “That would be?” Will hitched a breath, the spoon in his hand trembled a little. “The shining center who is the most splendid one in a lovable, chaotic bunch.” Loki put down his goblet. "Are you done with dessert?" His husband giggled a little nervously. The candlelight danced in the beloved twinkle in Loki's eyes. “You have nothing to fear dearest. I will be tender and careful when we finally surrender to each other and seal our covenant in the traditional way which has stained the sheets of a wedding night bed for millennia." Will laughed, shaking his head: "You are a monster!” “Are you doing _your_ monster the honor to brush teeth with? For the first time as a married couple?” “With great pleasure!”

All lights except for a night light, the candles and the fireplace were off when Loki untied the bathrobe belt of his husband in front of the large four-poster bed, dropping it carelessly on the floor to push the fluffy, thick clothing off his shoulders. Covering every inch of skin he bared with alternating tender and hungry kisses, he breathed: “William Harrington. Time for us to detonate a bomb.” With that they sank into the softener-scented, soft, silky sheets. The _bomb_ detonated some time later that night, leaving the newly wed couple in bliss ...

*

The days in Florence filled with deep admiration for the architectural wonders of northern Italy; thousands of works of art shining in brilliant beauty; long walks in the old town and the parks, which are also lavishly furnished with works of art; a visit to the opera where Loki made his husband laugh in the most inopportune scenes (Americani!); a detour to Verona, where Will was put on 'Julia's balcony' by his sardonically grinning mischief reciting one of Shakespeare's more malicious sonnets to him from below (Turisti!) and a romantic candelight dinner on New Year's Eve in their suite. In the end, Will's empty bag was crammed with souvenirs (in addition to the obligatory ones, such as a plaster head of Dante, of course countless most banal things had found their way into the collection: napkins, the incomplete scraps of an ancient poster, the shards of a fallen roof tile ... ) Loki let him do so with a quiet smile - not least because he didn't miss out on his honeymoon at all - as he had feared he could. For Bucky they bought a handy replica of Michelangelo's beautiful David, to which, when presented to him back home, he said, “He looks like he's cold.” Steve laughed, “You know, when it comes to male anatomy, artists always do withheld!” “No, no, no, that's not what I've mean! I'm talking about his nipples!"

They spent the second week of their honeymoon at Lake Como (when Steve and Bucky were told this, they looked at each other enthusiastically: "Darth Vader's love scenes were filmed there!", which earned them stunned looks). They had rented a simple hut (but with running water in the kitchen) and went hiking around the lake. They were eating pickled olives, bread, cheese and ham and went to simple taverns. They were on cloud nine.

The trip was coming to an end and Will received an email tagged 'urgent'. After reading, he was remarkably quiet and thoughtful. Loki noticed, but initially blamed it on the impending departure. He was saddened himself. Italy was lovely! After a simple supper he lit up a fire in the fireplace, put a bowl of olives and a plate of diced cheese on the low table in the room and startled William, who had been staring out of the window into the darkness, asking: “Darling, would you tell me what's on your mind?” In the end he had realized something was going on '''that was more than the pain of parting. Because just two days ago Will had told him how much he was looking forward to moving to New York, looking for a new job, being with Loki all year round, being able to experience New York's spring with him for the very first time ... Will looked at him, conflicting emotions reflected in his features. "What is it with you?" He whispered, a little scared. Will's hands snapped forward to grab his' and hold them tight, literally clutched at them.

"Nothing, darling, nothing to us, nothing to you, and forgive me if I've upset you!" "But ...?" "Study director Fawkes mailed. My successor has dropped out and the Dean's Office for Linguistics, English and Literature is without a tutor for the coming semester. It's a catastrophe for hundreds of students!” Loki blinked. "I see ..." "So, as usual, you are one step ahead of me. Mr Fawkes, _John_ , writes he will fully understand if I turn down his outrageous short-term request, now that I have started a new life 'out of the country'. And he means it completely honestly! I know this for sure. We are not just colleagues, we are friends! Only real desperation made him do it in the first place...” “You can't refuse!” The sober matter-of-fact words were followed by dead silence. It was one of those moments ... Lately, they had happened rarely, but they hadn't disappeared from their life, as Will painfully realized. Often, at the beginning of their relationship, but gradually decreasing over time, it had offended him when Loki was too quick to 'do without' Will, or time spent with him, even though only partially. Wasn't he just as excited as himself to finally live together 'properly'? Will knew all he had to do was ask. His loved man was never insincere ... His tongue was paralyzed, however.

"Will ...", Loki sighed. Crouched in front of the low couch between Will's legs, he got down on his knees to straighten his upper body. He put both hands to his face, tenderly, but looked him intently in the eyes: “Dearest. You've always loved your job. Your students ... Yes, you have often complained, I do constantly too, complaining about my actors and yet ... sometimes they are to me like my children: They do love what I love. You can't let them down. Just imagine, one of those words nerds like you and me, is going to meet the love of their life in a literary forum one day, initially falling in love with simple words which mean everything. You were happy about everyone who's delighted in the same fascination with the possibilities of expression - millions of times over - of human language as we do. You've promoted them, encouraged them not to give up a less popular course of study. Should the few, who would go this way to the end, fail?” Will was a little breathless. Did Loki think he'd rather not come to him, to New York... "Will! Beloved only one! Go and do the right thing!" He took a broken breath: "B-but ... Loki! I ... we ...” “I'm coming with you." The ticking of the old-fashioned clock above the room's door was loud in the silence.

Loki stopped the reluctant shake of Will's head by steadying his hands tighter around his face. He pressed his forehead to that of his husband and spoke soft but urgent words against his lips: “William Harrington, you once told me, by my side you would be happy in the most desolate wasteland, even on the moon. Same for me. For a long time it was said that in marriage you have to follow the man. Well, there isn't only one man in this marriage. I'm following mine. I'll come with you.” “Y-you ... would really ...?” “Of course!", Loki cried out passionately, "I love you! Wherever you go, I want to go too! Challenge me and look for a way into the most terrible abyss of hell, purgatory and damnation and see how I willingly and gladly follow you. I love you! More than anything.” He stole Will's little sob from his lips, kissed him with fire and vehemence until they had to let go of each other to gasp for air. Loki first got hold of himself and spoke as if in a fever: “Swear to me you believe me! Believe in every word I tell you. Believe in me. I want to be with you and nowhere else. No matter where you go, I belong there, too. _Tell me!_ ” Will's answer took too long for him and he let run all ten fingers through the soft brown curls with even more passion and ... wildness, kissed him dizzy, pressing his body close and tight - so tight! to William's, as if he wanted to merge with him into a single being.

"Yes ...", it was just a hint. Loki's voice was hardly steadier: "You mean it?" "Yes." "I'm coming to Canada with you." "Yes." "Because we both want it?" "Yes." Loki's body lost its tension, sinking softly and kind of weak against his man. He whispered, "I've got only one request." "Hm?" "The corkscrew's going in the drawer." Will chuckled through tears. "I cant promise. What will happen to your career?” “The timing is as good as any other: I'm finally going to do my master's degree in theater education. And clean up your messy house.” Will swallowed. "Ours...", he had to clear his throat. “Our messy house.” “Not messy for much longer.” “Hm. I don't see that yet. I won't allow you to throw away anything.” “Oh. Well, then ... I'm sure I can find a compromise.” “Nothing, not one tiny item. I love all of my things.” “That's not what I've meant with a compromise. But tell me: Do you already have a place in mind for those beautiful broken bricks?” Will laughed. “Does anything in my house look like it's got a place?” Loki snorted: “From now on the corkscrew will have one in our house, that's for sure.” He giggled: “Until I've used it.” “No, you will promise me this now: the corkscrew will go into the drawer. And by the way ... How inattentive you are, after only eleven days of marriage. You could have invited me to join you on the couch long ago. This is not exactly comfortable.” “I know something better." (...)

Some time later, Will mumbled sleepily: "What kind of compromise?" "Pardon?" "You have ... compromise .... What's on your mind?" Loki chuckled... "We'll get us a weekend house and there I'm the one ruling.” “That's fine with me.” “Everything is fine with you after an orgasm.” “You nightmare of a man..."


	143. Oh no! The 'Family Baby' Trap ...

**Oh no! The 'Family Baby' Trap ...**

The upcoming garden party in 2041 was having everyone in high spirits for days. Since Loki no longer lived in New York, his parents longed for those days more and more, where all their loved ones gathered around them again on 'Stark Manor', where they had lived a wonderful family life. Defying some storms, overcoming some crises and repeatedly coming out of it with the usual strength, even more of it and put together again, years lined up in which Tony and Pepper were always aware of one thing: We live in great fortune. And this summer Peter would finally be coming back to New York. The CEO chair was waiting for him, as was the position at the head of the engineering team at Stark Industries. MJ, who had lost a semester due to her reorientation, would follow him back home in winter.

Loki and his husband planned to stay in New York for four long weeks before moving on to Arizona to spend a week with the Foster-Starks. They weren't traveling that much anymore. Loki took part in theoretical classes in distance learning or studied autodidactically, but theater education was of course a very practice-oriented field. He attended workshops and supervised theater groups in schools and youth centers throughout the semester, and he was supposed to take part in a summer vacation project in New York - similar to one he had attended as a child. Broadway, he found, had lost much of its appeal on him. You had to stop when you were highest and now, two years after the Divine Comedy, there was a new star director. Loki took it with equanimity, convinced if he had stayed, no one would have pushed him from his 'throne' ...

Steve and Bucky were living their good, 'small' but beautiful live. Morgan, who had turned nine three days ago, was still full of energy, a little wild, but all in all an all-round good kid. She had a large, loud and funny circle of friends who gathered around her and 'Head No 2', the 'pretty smart Gordon'. She still did not get outstanding grades, which her parents were still calm about. She was a happy child. And her parents were happy too, loving each other more than ever. Rarely they argued with always getting along again soon enough and were still a bit dramatic in their endearing way. They still were a bit nerdy, but funny and never boring, maybe a little exhausting or annoying at times (it depended on whom you were asking). But everyone enjoyed hanging out with them - in their small home or at family gatherings, or in Boston, Winnipeg and Arizona, from where they regularly accepted invitations or simply invited themselves. Steve hadn't forgotten how much he had regretted having had so little part in the life of his possibly dying brother...

Thor was a kindergarten teacher in his trainee year and everyone, co-workers, parents and of course the children loved him! He was absorbed in his new job. Jane's second attempt to earn the Nobel Prize had failed again - this time because of a research group from South America. She wasn't too sad. Her fortune was too genuine: the man she loved by her side, almost unharmed and sparkling with joy of life, three wonderful children (she would have had no objection to a fourth, maybe even a fifth - Thor was a man to have a dozen children with and still enjoying it. But the treatments that had victoriously waged cancer in his body left collateral damage: he had become sterile and largely lost his sense of taste. The former was unfortunate, but he was already a father of three, he used the latter as an opportunity to joke he was at least the only one in the family now with an excuse for being a lousy cook.

Jane's big heart, which was in no way inferior to that of her beloved man, was also warmed by the happiness of the man who had stood by her significantly in the darkest episode of her life: The three years younger brother-in-law, who got close to her, being dear to her like a brother; he had found the love of his life and has opened up with him like a bud on a warm spring day. It made her genuinely happy. Despite all his inaccessibility, detachment and his sometimes cool, sometimes malicious nature, he was a wonderful, valuable person: sensitive, smart, humble when it was appropriate and the best uncle imaginable for her and Thor's children! Erik was eight, played hockey and soccer, was at the science club and, like his cousin, he had loads of friends. His godfather was still an important factor in his life, but now it was his little sister who required almost daily video chats. It regularly turned into a video conference, in which Tony Stark also took part and the three of them got along fantastic! Loki, who still often called her 'Goldielocks', had been named Uncle 'Ravenlocks' by her because of his black hair, which was not only extremely witty for a two and a half year old, but also delighted his husband - it sounded a bit like 'Ravenclaw' .

Hela had been going to nursery school for quite some months. It hadn't really surprised anyone in the family when she displayed the same chameleon-like abilities as her uncle she resembled so much in order to adapt. Of course, she was also eating everything the other children were. Fandral, who had inherited his father's musical talent - and his older brother's neglected drums, Erik was more of a sportsman - had been taking piano lessons for a year and would attend a music-oriented pre-school after the summer break. The noisy, lively house in Arizona had been home to another fully integrated member of the family: Dr Erik Selvig, 68, Jane's mentor and foster father, had suffered a stroke, being paralyzed on one side since. Jane and Thor had the basement accessible from the garden expanded to accommodate the disabled and took him into their family. A team of nurses and a housekeeper took care of his physical needs. His generous foster daughter as well as her husband and their lovely children took care of his mental well-being. 'Grandpa Doctor' had a wonderful old age. Tony was called Grandpop by the boys, Hela, like Morgan, called him Gramps.

MJ was in close contact by e-mail with Steve, her formerly 'intimidating' professor - now more of a friend than a big brother to her boyfriend's and has become hers as well. He kept her up to date on everything which was going on on the New York Education Committee, and was always on hand to help with her big plans. He also proofread her master's thesis. 'Social Mobility in our Education System? The Deceitful American Dream '. It was brilliant and he enjoyed corresponding with the young woman who had interests and views so similar to himself. Peter, who had without surprising anyone graduated Summa Cum Laude, was just attending a management seminar and was looking forward to his upcoming position with not only a little awe. But his father wasn't far and would always be there for him. He could rely on this. Still, he was still so young with not much authority Tony therefore had a lot of conversations with him portraying himself relentlessly in his stories from the time he took over SI: 21 years old, small, thin and nerdy, hardly having kissed three girls (well, _well_ more than kissed, but still), while Peter already had so much more to exhibit! It helped (a little).

William Harrington, made to head of the faculty of languages and English unceremoniously by his grateful director of studies, John Fawkes, no longer had the slightest fear his cosmopolitan and millionaire husband was dinging a dreary existence in sleepy Winnipeg. And he actually didn't 'have to' part with one of his sometimes bizarre 'collector's items'. His house remained exactly as it had been before Loki moved in: chaotic, colorful, lively. With one exception: the guest bedroom, which was no longer needed, became Loki's study and he furnished it to his liking (In Will's eyes he did so tastefully but a bit too sober and sparse for his own liking. He quickly figured out the reason: Loki was still using his Christmas present from 2016, when, at the age of ten, he explored 'Stage Simulator Modern Shakespeare' for the first time - meanwhile expanded and extensively equipped with applications. Once when he did not react to Will's knock, he stuck his head through the door and saw his husband, the VR Goggles pulled over his eyes, the VR gloves slipped on, as he was apparently completely lost in the middle of the study, fighting a sword fight against opponents invisible to the audience. Will withdrew unnoticed. When he asked him what he was working on that evening, he told him, to want to adapt the material of 'Robin Hood' for children - he just needed a lot of space for his visions.

Their weekend home, a solid log cabin, an hour outside Winnipeg, was 'ruled' by Loki: it was simple but comfortably furnished. There was a large living room, made their library and reading room, a functional kitchen and a storage room on the ground floor and a bedroom with an attached bathroom under the roof. The corkscrew _was_ in the drawer all the time. In their Winnipeg house it was still in the refrigerator at times. Well, Will couldn't have promised anything. It was there where they had their most intimate moments and most meaningful conversations and where their love matured, if maybe not from week to week but from month to month, and everything grew yet a little better even. Everyday life in Winnipeg was a bit tense at times. Both were often stressed. Will's tasks as head of the faculty and Loki's studies were demanding, the workshops with constantly changing new faces exhausting for him and their fundamentally different nature to design their surroundings, sometimes led to tensions, but on weekends they always led their life together as each of them had dreamed of:

Reading together, they exchanged ideas and opinions, had stimulating conversations at the table. They went hiking (Will's dream), they scoured the media libraries of countless theaters (Loki's dream) and they made love. Fulfilling and satisfying as ever.

It was there when Will finally had asked Loki about his sight on things regarding their break-up and Will's role within. In fact Thor _had_ been right about what he'd told Elizabeth O'Mara on their wedding day ('my brother was hurt too'). After all he _had_ silently pleaded with Will that last night together, to change his mind, to win him back, to fight him, to deny his stupid sacrifice and while he had pledged his heart, his body and all of his passion and intimate emotions he had left in himself to spare, William had gone from his life. It had almost broken him … Loki was not quite willing to let this stand between them but his husband took heart to admit, he'd been doing wrong, too. _Did_ Loki wrong with letting him all alone in his darkest times. He went all the way to coax the truth out of him and Loki finally gave way: “You were the last person I expected to push me away from you so vehemently... As bad things I have done, however profoundly evil I may have been. .. Your turning away made me the most unlovable creature of all worlds. If not even you would stand by me... Then what was I? Scrap, repulsive scum, the product of all nastiness ...“

Will caught his breath. "I-I failed you... From the beginning I must have rebelled against you, preventing you from leaving my life, leaving me! How could I have done this to you, pretending it was not the end of my world? Loki ... I ... I'm so sorry." He was crying, Loki's cheeks were also wet with tears, this was a very painful conversation ... He jerked himself: "Will, you don't have to ..." He was passionately interrupted: "Yes, I do have to!" He grabbed Loki's wrists, running up his hands to cup his upper arms. "Darling! My dearest, one and everything; I was so cruel to you and I can never forgive myself for that. But I swear to you: I'll be making up for it. I will fix it. I love you. I always want to be there for you and I'll do everything to make you happy..." "Will!", his husband interrupted, “I know you are not a fighter. The gentle ones are never.” “And that means?” Loki sighed: “I just want to no longer keep this in my mind. Getting over it – this whole dark episode.” “I'll try to help you with that, I promise.” When William had fallen asleep, Loki stared into the darkness for a long time, remembering the worst and loneliest low in his life. His heart was about to burst with relived pain, but he knew it would heal ... _wouldn't it_?

*

"Good heavens, Steve!" ,his mother called laughing after her oldest grandchild, who abruptly ended the conversation with her grandmother to run to the play equipment shed, inspired by a sudden idea. "What an incomparable boy wonder is this Gordon?" "Sht, Mom! Not so loud.", her eldest grinned, "Bucky swears every night, he'll tear his ears off if he has to hear that name again. He's jealous, of course.” “Morgan has a crush?” Pepper chuckled. “But no, the sweet little _angel_ , a child, almost still a _baby_ , his little one is further than far from giving another man a place in her heart. Oh what, far away... pff, that will never happen, not as long as _someone_ still has a breath in their body fighting for her undivided favor and love.” “But hopefully your daughter is allowed to love you? A little bit?”, she smiled. Steve tilted his head: "Well, he explains this quite simply: He thinks I'm adorable, so her love for me only proves her extremely good taste." Pepper leaned in grinning conspiratorially: "As long as he just has got that a tiny priority with her, right?" Steve sighed:

"Well, _yes_. But her majesty, the most ungracious cat under the sun, apparently feels neglected by her favorite human so she has extended her favor to me.” “A weak conmfort.” “I am satisfied.” And that was true. It _was_ only a tiny priority after all. But Bucky and their daughter had so much in common, they were a father-daughter team which was unparalleled. When he still had long hair, she was allowed to brush and plait it whenever she had wanted, and to equip it with little hairpins before it was her turn. They painted each other's toenails (Bucky had no problem with nail polish on his toes. Steve wasn't a fan of it. He was also pretty clumsy and had painted half of her toes once. He had never been allowed to try again.). They were cooking together and Morgan had been able to fix her own bike for three years. She went to soccer games with her dad and watched some on television with him. She was often sitting on the workbench in his basement for hours and chattered happily with him while she was allowed to tinker with all kinds of equipment herself. Bucky was in a bliss! But now a cloud threatened the father-daughter heaven: the first rival! For his taste, his daughter mentioned this 'pretty smart Gordon' extremely often, too often ...

Will was 'interviewed' by MJ about his duties as head of the faculty and she eagerly jotted down everything he had to say about suggestions and criticism. He was an experienced university professor, and it didn't matter he was from a Canadian university. He was impressed by how far developed her plans for an educational association for various community colleges and adult education centers had become. She had already been able to convince a number of sponsors and supporters. For the message it was important that people who came from below also stood behind the matter in order not to stir up suspicion. All the money mustn't just come from by birth privileged people like the Starks, and the media hype that would be unleashed, had to contain stories making people believe in a chance for everyone if they could only seize the possibilities by the head. She had read countless biographies of successful, inspiring people and some of their paths had been quite bumpy.

The 'detective work' behind the scenes was done by Peter and with that by his father too: Finding out which educational institutions were in financial need and where you could reduce the influence of their patrons on the statutes with convinced committee members believing in free education for those who needed it. The Community College, which she herself intended to lead in New York, was to become the model school; the flagship of the 'Jones' and Stark's Education Foundation and Association'. “It's a shame you're living in Canada. I could have used an experienced university professor from a progressive country for my team. And we haven't even been able to visit you! You could certainly have given me an insight into the administrative apparatus as the head of a faculty.” She wrinkled her nose. Will found the energetic young woman a little exhausting, but he smiled, infected by her drive.

“You'll have to do an internship in the final semester. Come to my university. As an assistant to a faculty head, you can get involved in a lot of administrative tasks. It's not the most exciting faculty, but you'd have a nice boss." Mj laughed: "Is this a serious offer?” “Of course, you can stay with us for as long." Loki came to them: "What are you talking about?” “I have invited MJ to ours so she can do an internship in my faculty. She can stay with us for a while, can't she?” Loki's smile widened, filling Will with suspicion. "Of course, feel welcome at ours, Michelle." "Awesome! I have to tell Pete!" With that she was gone. “Why don't I like your smile?” “I don't know, dearest husband, has it been worn out? You used to find it adorable.", he sighed, "modern marriage." Will chuckled: "Don't be silly. You know what I mean.” “You will be delighted with our guest, my chaotic darling.” A small crease appeared between Will's brow. “I'll clean up a bit, of course. I've got some manners after all.” “Consult with Bucky about reliable shovel excavators.” “You're a monster.” “Yes, I am. And a very thirsty one at that. Come on, Steve mixed cocktails."

"Well, Jane," Bucky plopped down on the large family picnic blanket next to his sister-in-law and niece, who was absorbed in a coloring book. "What are the stars doing?" She smiled: “The same thing as always: Drifting apart at insane speed.” “What are you working on at the moment?” “It's not a very exciting thing: Calculating the mass of non-linear and exponentially changeable gravitational fluctuations in probable space.” He blinked. "I see now why you didn't let me into your club." Jane laughed brightly. "Marian and Jodie were so mad with me." "Who?" "Yes, I thought so and I told them quite bluntly: James 'Bucky' Barnes didn't even know who they actually were." “But that wasn't nice! Sometimes people were invisible to me, it wasn't personal.” “You mean _girls_.” He giggled. "Well, _yes_. How are you?” “Very well. We are still happy about every day.” “Yes, I can imagine. And Thor ... how is _he_?” “Why don't you ask him yourself?” “I have. He says he's fine.” “Why would he lie? He ... it changed him, but not that much, Bucky. Besides, he's becoming more and more his old self, don't you think?” They looked across the meadow.

Thor was playing a crazy 'no rules ball game' with Peter, MJ, Erik, Fandral and Morgan. 'Without rules' meant the ball could be touched with all parts of the body, even carried in a bag and one had to walk through a complicated parkour, the ball was not allowed to touch the ground, otherwise there was a penalty point. 'Without rules' also meant, however, that you could properly disturb and hinder each other. “That looks exhausting and it's pretty hot today.” “Bucky”, laughed his sister-in-law, “Are you worried about his constitution? He is in top shape! Haven't you looked at him?” “ _Um_.” “What do I ask anyway. Shame on you.“, she laughed. "I just dare tiniest glances." "Hm.", She sounded overly pleased. "Don't show off like that," he grinned. “As I've said: he's becoming more and more the same old Thor he used to be.” That was true, he again had his sporty, muscular stature from before and since he did a lot of sports outdoors, his skin was of a healthy golden tint, his sun-kissed blond hair which was again a little longer, was attractively highlighted. Bucky sighed inaudibly, as he thought. Jane cleared her throat, “ _Ahem_. Have you packed cough sweets for Steve?” Bucky tore himself away from the sight, looked at Jane and laughed out loud at the sly expression on her face. "I'm hopeless, sorry." "It's not that I don't understand you," she admitted graciously.

Tony was talking to Rhodey and his husband, Hogun. He let his gaze wander over the crowd a little absently. Their garden parties had become smaller - not so much in terms of numbers, the jolly, noisy crowd of children somewhat concealed the fact that familiar faces had been missing for years. Natasha and Bruce had moved to Pittsburgh for good. Bruce's health was poor and his frailty had robbed his wife of her zest. They didn't meet their old friends often anymore. And Pietro, who lived and worked in New York, was now more of a member of his wife Maria's family. In spring, Tony and Pepper had actually wanted to visit Happy and May in Italy. They went to Italy, but to a funeral ... Out of the blue Harold 'Happy' Hogan had died of a heart attack. He was the first of the old clique to pass and Tony had been quietly thoughtful for many weeks, sometimes still was. Bruce's state of health was also questionable and the momentariness of life preoccupied Tony Stark with the terrible experience - Thor's illness - in his back more often than he would have wished for. He and Pepper were in excellent health, but he was a suspicious person.

"I know," Rhodey said quietly into a pause in conversation. "They are missing. Life has changed. But there was also a lot of good news, Tones." He sighed, "I know. I can count myself lucky - overjoyed. The miracle fate worked on Sunny will make me happy for the rest of my life and the fact Loki was finally given to me in the autumn of my life ..., the wonderful grandchildren. I'm an old curmudgeon and grouch. I know. But life could have shifted down a gear in my opinion. Everything's changing constantly - only I can't keep up.” Hogun intervened: “The lifespan is the same, regardless of whether you spend it laughing or crying. Cheer up, Tony. And laugh!" Jim chuckled, “He's always talking like that and he's always right. Enjoy what you have got, Tony. It's so much." He smiled broadly: "Indeed! I have a lot - everything! But getting old is the plague. I want to keep this here and now forever, be by their sides forever and stay close to everyone. How am I ever supposed to say goodbye to them? _How?_ ” Rhodey looked at him sadly. But Hogun, wise as he was, had an answer: "With a smile." The old friends looked at James Rhodes', significantly younger Japanese husband, and had to laugh. The expression on his face was so smug, arrogant and complacent - it could only be overplayed. Laughing together helped a lot...

The children wanted to have a swim now, the 'no rules' ball game was declared a 'no winner' ball game by Thor. MJ volunteered as a supervisor. Peter and his brother watched them go. “A great girl, kid. Starks are really lucky.” “Yes, aren't they?” “Loki mentioned he doesn't see you often.” It sounded casual. “Does it bother him? I've thought...” he fell silent. Thor's gaze sharpened a little. "What? Do you think he doesn't like being with you?” “Uh ... we don't have a lot in common..." Thor laughed: "Loki and I have less in common than anyone else in this family with whomever else. Would you might say he doesn't like to spend time with me?" Peter shook his head. "Absurd thought. You are like ...joined at the hip?” “Or plus and minus or fire and ice. But that doesn't matter. When you were little you were very attached to him. And he was fascinated by you, your quick mind. Well, the burden of having Steve and me as older brothers..." Thor grinned broadly. The youngest brother laughed: “Oh, yes! I remember: How many times has he impressed upon me not to let the two of you tell me anything. But when he moved out, locally close, but so far away, practically living on Broadway ... I was only nine."

“On the one hand it is nice to have a 'family baby'”, Peter rolled his eyes, “on the other hand, we missed a lot from you and you from us. Not having shared childhood together is problematic for brothers when it comes to bonding.” “That's sounding like something out of a textbook.” “'Dynamics in a Family', Issue 5, published by Herring's.” “Smartass.” he grinned. “Loki was impressed with your help down there in Arizona, and I think he's waiting for an opportunity to tell you so. He's not the best at taking the first step, as you know.” “Who are you, Oracle of Delphi and what have you done to my brother?” The younger one joked. "I had a lot of time to be thinking." Peter looked at him sympathetically. “By the way, I'm also impressed with what you've done for me. And I'm proud of you, little brother Thanks a lot.” Peter wrinkled his nose. "Do you notice something? It is much easier tell a younger brother, 'I am proud of you.' Family baby ...it's shit." Thor chuckled. "Are you proud of one of your big brothers?" “I'm damn proud of you all!" Thor smiled encouragingly at him to continue:

“All of you left an impression on me, the one more active, the other by giving me space to evolute, to develop my own self.” “And one of them broke your collarbone. Sorry again.“ Peter laughed out loud. He had been eight and Thor 20 when he went to a climbing park with him. Peter did not trust one of the slide-down ropeways and instead of calling someone from the staff to pick up the child and hand it back to his brother after the slide-down, Thor unceremoniously buckled Peter onto himself . It happened as it had to, the combined weight of a 6'4''-man with broad shoulders and a massive build with his eight-year-old brother, who was still a bit bony, crashing into the next station at top speed, which meant Peter was slammed in by Thor with a good thump and broke his collarbone. Thor was heartbroken, sitting like a pile of misery next to the injured brother in the emergency room. In the end, Peter comforted him: 'It was an accident. Listen, we're not telling dad how it happened. Otherwise he won't let me do cool stuff like this with you again. ' Thor didn't like that, of course, but he couldn't refuse Peter either, and so they shared a 'real' secret from then on.

"Apology accepted.", He grinned, "But back to the point: Steve has always been a big brother to me, as they normally only exist in books: the wise support, gentle co-educator and, well, it's Steve: _teacher_." Thor smirked and the boy went on: “You showed me how to have fun, dare to do things and get up after a fall, pat my clothes off and not give up. Loki ... Understanding Loki and his motivations has always been the hardest for me. But precisely because he did not try to use our age difference to 'shape' me a little and his inimitable way of being himself, I also learned a lot from that!” Thor nodded. "Yes. Although Loki and I are so close, none of us ever wanted the other to be more like ourselves. Loki has always had the greatest respect for people who shouldered the challenge of accepting what was foreign to them and, even when they failed, did not accuse one of what was foreign, but rather seeking the fault in their own inadequacy. That's why Loki had patience with me for so long. I didn't understand him for a long time, but I reached out my hand to him again and again. He was my little brother, for a long time my only little brother. I wanted to be his friend. And I never expected or even wanted him to be more like me." Peter agreed, smiling, but couldn't resist:

“You never broke _his_ collarbone. Well, I've known forever he's your favorite brother.” Grinning broadly Thor raised a shoulder pleading for his apology. But it didn't need that. Peter wasn't the least bit angry or reproachful with it. “Yes, I know,” said Peter, “and he didn't want you - or any of us, to be more like him either. It's sad he always valued himself so little. He's a ... great guy! Intelligent, creative, interesting and funny! He never struck me as strange. He was different from you or Steve or Mom or Dad, but I didn't think there was anything strange about that. It's been awesome to grow up with so many different people! It's never got boring." His older brother smiled thoughtfully: "No, it was never boring with us. For that, by the way, he always loved you, Loki I mean: You came into our life surprisingly, turning it upside down, everything has changed and quickly turned out to be a change for good. Loki was so embarrassed at first! Having another baby, at their age!” They laughed, Loki's husband was now about the same age as their mom when she got pregnant with Peter. "What would he look around stupidly if people gave that up at this age," Peter joked dryly.

“What I've been getting at, before I've felt like stumbling into a conversation about my younger brother's sex life: You have accepted Loki since you were a baby and treated him no differently from anyone else. To you he was natural and a given from the start. You were able to fall back on the extensive experience of his parents and brothers and for a long time he felt the least strange with you. A valuable gift for him.” “I've never seen it like that - as a 'gift'.” Peter wrinkled his nose smiling crookedly. "And this, brother, is the whole point." Their dad just came over and stopped by them, wrapping an arm around Peter's shoulders and asked: "What are you talking about?" Peter replied dryly: "About Loki's sex life." Thor snorted and their father momentarily speechless, raised an eyebrow. "First-hand information or rather daring speculations?" Peter shook his head. "No man tells his father things like that about his brother." “Are _you_ a plague. Is there ever a break from this?” Tony muttered mockingly. "I'm afraid there isn't, Dad." "Thank God, right, Pop?" Tony looked at the broad-shouldered giant with the brave good heart nodding firmly: "Yes, Sunny, it is."

"Hey, Loki!" He turned around, Steve waved him over. He didn't want to leave his stand behind the cocktail bar. He took great pride in mixing the family's best drinks. He also had a number of children's cocktails in his repertoire. He held out a long drink to the younger brother. "I've already had one and I'll still be driving, Steve." "It's alcohol-free, give it a try." The drink smelled of an aromatic herbal tea mixture and a hint of ... sage, Loki suspected. He tried and was pleasantly surprised. Only a little sweetness and a spicy aftertaste - a refreshing variant to conventional iced tea. "Very good, brother." He nodded approvingly. "Thanks.", He got straight to the point, as was Steve's way: "Can we be visiting you again later in summer? Morgan only ever wants to go on vacation at your place.” Loki was not only mildly surprised. "Indeed? How come?” “There are several reasons. Firstly, she still has not seen a moose in the wild. Canada has not delivered yet. Secondly: She is fascinated by all the traces of the Cree culture up there were you're living. And she thinks Will being able to even decipher their language characters is very cool.” Loki smiled proudly. "And it's just a hobby of his'." "Thirdly, she loves your colorful, crammed house." He grinned at the brother. Loki laughed:

"Will's invited Michelle to stay with us to do an internship in his faculty." Steve faked an exaggerated look of dismay: "Good heavens. For salvation of the soul, the best thing to do is to buy an annual open-plan office supply of label machine labels.” Loki laughed even louder. "For whose salvation?" "Yours." Steve replied dryly. Will had never been with Loki to Peter's apartment in Boston. But he had visited his little brother every now and then and Steve had done so regularly anyway. There had not been a second student apartment like this: meticulously tidy and well organized, everything had its place. And there were a lot of labels ... Peter's brothers, of course, knew where this had come from. The youngest of them wasn't a messy person, like Thor had been so legendarily once, but he wasn't as tidy as Loki or Steve either. The neatnick of them had of course to be MJ. And how a house like Will's and Loki's in Winnipeg must look like to Michelle, they could vividly imagine. "She'll be stumbling back out again, dazed and shaken to her foundations." "I wonder ..." he paused. Loki looked at him questioningly. "Well, how do _you_ get along with that? If I had seen this house a few years ago and someone had told me that one day you would live in it, I would have been overly amazed.” Loki smiled his little smile, thought back to a former time for a moment.

“I was - you mustn't forget that - newly in love. And everything about William was, as banal or crucially different from me, fascinating and an expression of his personality. I also fell in love with his house and what it is like with love, if it is honest and deep, then it stays.” He shrugged. “It's not that every now and then, when I look around, I don't know how's it actually: William is just a bit of a slovenly fellow. But he promised me something early on: I never have to bend over backwards for him, he lets me be who I am in all aspects. What kind of person would I be if I wouldn't give it back?" Steve smiled warmly: “Not the great person you are." Loki grinned crookedly: "Why are you flattering me, Steven? Do you want to borrow some money? It's your own fault you wouldn't have done something sensible with your life. Mere teacher you are.” He left him there. Steve looked after him a little puzzled but with a great fondness ...

Loki immediately went to look for Peter. You had to prepare this visit a little, in his opinion. He found the younger brother on the blanket with Jane and Hela, the girl was showing him something in one of her picture books. The brown curly head was lowered and it offered a cute picture next to the golden blonde curls of his niece. Loki smiled automatically. "Hello, is there still a bit of space for me?" The child smiled quietly up at him for a moment, he wiggled his fingers in greeting. "Oh, it's good that you're coming, Loki.", Jane stood up and offered him her seat, "I would like to stretch my legs a bit and maybe take a swim." Hela always preferred to stay on the edge of the loud family gatherings and still it was difficult for her to have none of her parents around in an unfamiliar environment. But Uncle Loki was just as good and that's why she hardly looked up when Jane said goodbye to her. For a while he silently watched brother and niece. “And what happened there?” “The duckling hasn't listened and suddenly it's all alone. It's sad and crying. Very loudly.” “And what do you think will happen next?” “I _know_. It's _my_ book, Uncle Peter.” Loki had to smile. “Are you telling me?” “Of course its parents hear its crying, it _is_ very loud after all and quickly run to it. The duckling is happy because it knows where it belongs.” “That's nice.” “Yes, it is.”, Loki said, happy little duckling.”

"Here, Uncle Peter," she gave him the book, "you can finish reading." With that she crawled onto her dearest uncle's lap. Curling up like a small animal she put her thumb in her mouth. "Sleep well, duckling.", he whispered and Hela closed her eyes. "She's so cute," whispered Peter. “You don't have to whisper, she's getting her rest anyway.” “She's really shy. When I think of Morgan...” “Yes, that's right. But if you spend time with Hela, preferably in her home, she's warming up soon enough.” “I know.” Peter sighed and smiled down at the little one a little sadly, “Every time she meets me, she has to get to know me again." Loki gave a compassionate nod of his head and changed the subject: "Have you heard of our distinguished visit to Winnipeg?” “Distinguished ...? Oh!", the younger one laughed, "What do you mean by that?” “All respectfully.", Loki grinned. Not looking at him, Peter mimbled: "MJ is maybe a bit exhausting with her exuberant energy but certainly not a tiresome guest." Loki stopped short. “Of course not. Michelle is an extremely pleasant person and of dignity, character and decency. I'm rather afraid we might not be the best hosts.” “You don't have to entertain her. She's never bored! She's always got something to do and..." Loki interrupted him: “Peter. Do you think I don't want to have her in our house?” The little brother chewed his lower lip thoughtfully.

“You've never invited us. You've never invited me...", shyly he hesitated. Loki's heart contracted. Surely, Peter, as humble as he was, though wasn't shy of anyone else in the family!“ “And that was a criminal omission. It may not be a comfort to you, but we never invite Steve and Bucky either and they're still coming three times a year. At least they announce themselves. To survive Morgan, you need a vitamin B12 treatment beforehand.” Peter laughed. "Pete ...", Loki had grown serious, "I'm sorry if I hurt you, because we have never... because _I_ have never invited you. I didn't notice you don't seem to have the habit of my other brothers: namely of insisting on your weird brother with his uninviting personality.” “D-does that mean ...” “I never invite anyone.” “Not even...?" Loki quickly interrupted: " _Not_ even Thor.” “But ... I don't understand." Loki sighed. “I can't get rid of this. The feeling of imposing myself. This feeling of being a burden, of putting people - especially people I love - in an uncomfortable position. For the lion's share of my life I've been convinced, spending time with me can't be a pleasure for anyone.” Peter stared at the brother.

"This is ... _absurd_!" His spontaneous words were immediately followed by a look of apology. “Imagine, little brother. It even happens to me: I'm talking stupid." Peter laughed: "How did you get the idea?" Loki sighed again, heavily: "You don't know the person who developed this feeling. You were a child, always on the move, always in action, inquisitive, hungry for life and full of lust for life, joy and fun. You were an awesome kid.” “And you always were, you _are_ a great guy! A super big brother! Your glamor factor alone! At Community College, some were pretty impressed I'm the brother of Loki Stark's - probably the most romantic figure in town! And you're intelligent and interesting, reliable, a strong personality and”, he gestured to the dozing Hela, “a terrific uncle.” “I can only give that back, godfather to Miss Hurricane.” Peter chuckled. “Loki, I still haven't buckled it up. How can you think people don't want to spend time with you?” And Loki understood. "Oh no! The family baby trap!” He called. His younger brother gave a puzzled laugh. "What?"

“The age difference between you and us sometimes lets us forget there are some things you just don't know. So we fail to tell you everything, assuming you're aware of them.” Peter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you don't have to go on." "Yes, I have to: When I was in college - you were in elementary and middle school - I was ... I can't find any other word than: _creepy._ I had no friends, nobody liked me, and those who didn't hate me were scared of me. I'm afraid, I've taken a little damage from that time.” “How did it go on?” Loki laughed softly. “My early professional life was marked by superficial vanities. Believe me, you wouldn't have wanted to know.” “Well,” Peter giggled, “I was at an age when I would have actually _wanted_ to know.” Loki smiled. "Probably. But: Certainly you were not supposed to do so.” “I probably missed out on some juicy tales.” “ _Careful_ , little one.”, he threatened jokingly, “be that as it may. I've got used to the fact my life and my way and ... well, _me_ , are nothing for the happy family. I've never really gotten out of that.” Peter looked at him thoughtfully for a while. "But I think it's time, big brother." Loki gave a serious nod. "Yes you are probably right."

During their conversation the buffet had been set up and when everyone was called to dinner, Hela woke up from her dozing She was hungry, and Peter and Loki had also got an appetite from being outside. So Loki's intention to 'prepare' MJ's visit to them a bit had been forgotten ...


	144. A House in Winnipeg sees many Guests

**A House in Winnipeg sees many Guests**

William spun around on his own axis, a pile of brochures, postcards, art prints and photos in his hands. Michelle 'MJ' Jones was expected in four days and was to be accommodated in the smaller of the two rooms on the first floor. The room, which was originally intended as a dining room, had over the years he had lived in this house, become another storage space for all kinds of treasured items. The large dining table, which had not seen a dinner party for years, housed a 'project': hand-sketched and artfully calligraphic decorative pages from beloved works of world literature, on which he worked at irregular intervals. That couldn't bother a person like MJ, he thought. After all, it was an expression of work done with diligence and perseverance. The shelves and the large sideboard as well as the tableware showcase served as storage space for Will's extensive collection of (bizarre) memorabilia, information material, research papers and 'tools' such as charcoal pencils, ink bottles, brushes, pens and the like. In any case, the dishes in the showcase were pushed all the way to the back of it.

On one wall, the newly delivered guest sofa bed shone like a new penny in a bowl full of old coins. Sighing, he put the pile on the only free surface of the room (the new couch) and climbed the stairs to the first floor. The 'do not disturb' sign wasn't on the door to Loki's study and after a knock he poked his head through. Loki looked over his shoulder, his eyebrows raised questioningly. “Am I bothering you?” “In a welcomed way, the lesson is boring. Theater history, I'm already knowing all of this. Unfortunately, my professor wants wordings from the textbook which - surprisingly - he had written himself." Will laughed: "I also have colleagues like that at university. Professor Laurent writes three to four books on economics a year. His students' reading list is two pages long.” “Bother me, dear.” “We have to clean up the house.” Loki now turned around in his office chair. " _We?_ " Will smiled wryly. When Loki moved in with him after their wedding, they had agreed on rooms in the house Will had to tidy up to clean, while Loki was responsible for others. A housekeeper who had skillfully been cleaning 'around' Will's odds and ends for years still came in regularly.

"I'm starting to think you and everyone who has set food into this house in the past years are not entirely wrong with stating it's a little... it's a lot and, well, overloaded." “Morgan loves it!”, Loki grinned. “I don't think our niece will ever be an interior designer. I mean people of taste who have been to this house.” His husband frowned. "But you love all of your things." William lifted a shoulder. "Oh, I can sort them out. I don't think I still love everything I loved ten years ago. But most of it is still in this house.” Loki looked at him thoughtfully for a while. "What's behind this?" The small, somewhat frustrated sound with which Will threw his arms in the air brought a smile to Loki's lips. He did this so often and he loved it! “I'm not a compulsive hoarder. Otherwise I wouldn't sort my mail so carefully, I wouldn't separate the rubbish conscientiously, but simply store it, and I wouldn't throw away socks with holes in them.” Loki laughed softly. “Of course you're not a compulsive hoarder. I would have intervened long ago. I like to live in a personal museum with you, but I certainly wouldn't be able to live in a garbage dump.” “Personal museum?” “Have a seat,” Loki said suddenly. He looked around pretending to be searching. There was no seating in the study except for Loki's chair.

"Darling," he gestured at himself, patting his thigh. Will shrugged and let himself be pulled onto Loki's lap, one leg on either side. "Ooff ..." "Don't be so mean. Let's swap, then at long last I would have a student sitting in my lap." Loki laughed softly: "I really like it this way. Is that a secret fantasy from my university professor, a student in his lap?” “If I told you, it wouldn't be very secret anymore.” “Tsas, how naughty. What's all of this about with your stuff and tidying all of it up?” The change of subject was abrupt and Will wasn't that happy. His hands were clasped behind his neck and his curly hair fell down to it. “Your hair has grown long.” “Are you trying to distract? Yes I know. I urgently have to ...” “No!", he ran his fingers through the long curly hair on the back of Loki's neck, "They are gorgeous.” “They're a pain in the neck to keep groomed. I haven't been to get a haircut since...” “January, I know!" Loki looked his husband in the eye and whispered: "Why do you suddenly want get all this in order?" "Because ... I don't want to be a cowardly, indecisive man anymore. I caused so much suffering with it. _Your_ suffering.” Loki was silent for a while, enjoying the gentle play of Will's fingers in his hair. Maybe he could really wait a little longer before cutting his hair.

"William. How do these two things fit together?” His husband sighed heavily. “You once told me that nothing reflects our personality more than our home. This house is anything but flattering to my personality.” “I think everything is fine with your personality. In your opinion, what about this house is telling you are a coward, for example?” “Out of fear of not achieving any of my goals, I don't even take the tiniest first step; call it attitude of a loser's. A dozen times I've really wanted to put my house in order! And every time I take refuge in the romantic, quirky professor, shamelessly disguising my cowardice and indecision with it, in order to make myself more likeable than I am.” “But Will, don't be so hard..." He was interrupted: "That's just it! I'm never hard on myself.” He cupped Loki's shoulders with both hands. "I wallow carelessly in your willingness to find cranky traits in me amicable, traits you would not only condemn in yourself, but would also tackle with determination. Just like good, valuable people do.” Loki sagged a little. Sinking against the backrest he looked at him, his forehead furrowed.

"Which would be for example?" "Cowardice, passivity, indecision." "Those are big words, dear." Loki replied carefully. “Big words describing me quite aptly.” “William, where has that come from? If it has anything to do with my inappropriate way of processing my emotions...” “Loki! Please don't say that.“, his hands left Loki's shoulders to be gently but firmly placed on his face. "Nothing about you is inappropriate." He laid his forehead against the beloved's. It was nice on Loki's lap – in this position their height difference was gone. Both remembered a painful night. It was a couple of weeks ago ...

( _"Will!", his husband interrupted, “I know you are not a fighter. The gentle ones are never.” “And that means?” Loki sighed: “I just want to no longer keep this in my mind. Getting over it – this whole dark episode.” “I'll try to help you with that, I promise.” When William had fallen asleep, Loki stared into the darkness for a long time, remembering the worst and loneliest low in his life. His heart was about to burst with relived pain, but he knew it would heal ... wouldn't it_? _)_

William woke up. It was still pitch dark but he wasn't rested a bit. It still had to be in the middle of the night. What had woken him up? Soon he became aware: Loki was next to him, in his usual place in their cozy bed under the roof, but he ... was trembling - no, downright shaking! “Loki! Darling, what is it with you?” He cried out, startled. The only answer he got was a choked sound, followed by a thud ... he felt for the night stand lamp anxiously. His husband had his arms wrapped tightly around his body. His eyes, huge and bloodshot, were staring at the ceiling, as if blind to anything but a point in the distance. The thud was repeated: it was Loki who kicked the mattress beneath him. His breathing was hectic and shallow, beads of sweat sticking the strands on his hairline to his skin. His nostrils puffed up with every breath, the muscles and veins on his neck protruded and he worried his lower lip with his teeth, drawing already a bit of blood. Will had taken in all of this in a fraction of a second though he only knew from Loki's tales:

A meltdown. Loki was trapped in the deepest despair and no longer in the slightest master of his emotions and actions. Talking to him, even insisting him talking back, or touching him could end catastrophically when he no longer would be able to cope with overstimulation. William knew - in theory - the best thing to do was just staying with him, close, but not _too_ close. To take care he would not hurt himself. It was difficult not to touch him ... It became even more difficult, almost unbearable, when he began to hammer not only his foot but also his head rhythmically into the mattress. And the noises he was making, stifled gasps, bubbling sobs and painful groans! Tears ran down Will's cheeks, there was nothing he could do but wait, be ready for the moment he needed him. But this could take a while ... A meltdown was a tedious process.... When Loki sat up and, still hugging his upper body tightly, rocked back and forth and his husband was afraid he would not only bite his lower lip, but actually perforate it, as thoroughly he was biting on, he knew he had to act! Looking around frantically, a small towel was within reach. He folded it up and held it in front of Loki's face: "Please, darling ... don't hurt yourself." He whispered gently and pressed the fabric against Loki's lips.

Surprised but infinitely relieved, he saw how his tormented love opened his mouth to bite into the fabric instead of his own flesh. A considerable long time later it was as if a switch had flipped. " _Will_ ...", Loki sighed, barely audible and all muffled from the 'makeshift muzzle'. His husband was overflowed with inexpressible relief. Loki was with him again. In the here and now - no longer caught up in himself and with what was tormenting him ... Loki fell back on the mattress, exhausted and drained, his limbs spread out, his breathing still heavy, but deeper and calmer, his eyes closed, his mouth but still twisted in sorrow. But of course he was too exhausted to talk. Will got a wet towel, washed his sweat off, applied balm with aloe to his bitten lip, and offered him his arms to hold him for the rest of the night. He knew, of course, their disturbing conversation that night had led to this ...)

“Maybe you wouldn't want to get this charming house in a perfect order if I could have just told you I'm suffering from fear of loss and tormenting memories, the feeling of being godforsaken and alone and oh-so-lonely catching up with me from time to time. We would have talked about it and I would have felt better. That would have happened if I had acted like any normal person.” “You _are_ a normal person.” “ _William!_ " Will jerked up from surprise, Loki had called out loud and his voice was tinged with anger, "I'm _not_ a normal person. And maybe it would be better if you called it by its name. I've told you from the beginning: It's never easy with me and this relationship, this marriage can only work if I can be sure...", he fell silent in mid-sentence. William was pale as a sheet, his hands clenching painfully in his hair. "Loki, don't you say it doesn't work, It _is_ working, we do love each other and I ... please don't say so..." Loki, swallowing hard, took a deep breath: "I'm not saying it at all. I... just have to know that you ... ", he broke off, had to catch his breath again. Stress and fear of doing wrong, expressing something fatal, being inappropriate, _again_ , threatened to overpower him, flooding his fragile brain with biochemistry.

"Let's take a walk." With this he surprised his husband so much he jerked back, his arms fell weakly from Loki and he almost slipped backwards off his legs. Loki caught him. "Hey ... am I still _drop_ -dead gorgeous to you? That's nice.” Will chuckled, still surprised. “You're... _weird_!” “And that's what I try to talk about all the time. But I don't think I can do it right now. I need a short break. Let's go to the river. For half an hour? Please?” Will's gaze softened. "But yes, darling, it's a nice day." "For October in Winnipeg," Loki remarked dryly. Will laughed: "It's only weather." "I haven't been outside yet, do I need...?" "Put on the red jacket." Loki raised the corner of his mouth mockingly. "This is not advice depending on the weather, but your way of telling me - again - that you like to see me in red." “But it is actually fitting the weather.” The red down jacket had been a new addition to Loki's wardrobe the first day when he had followed Will to Winnipeg after their honeymoon. The eye-catching color was kind of a belated wedding present to his husband, who found him gorgeous in red ...

They were walking along the banks of Red River hand-in-hand, discussing Loki's studies and Will's faculty duties. They agreed to read 'Juicy and Delicious' by Lucy Alibar again the coming night, a play about loss, survival and self-discovery in adolescence, which he intended to adapt for a youth group - an ambitious project. They took a break on a pebbled beach to let flat stones bounce across the water. Loki was relaxed and collected and looked at his husband questioningly: "Do you want to clean up our house because you're having an attack of unnecessary guilt?" "Firstly: This guilt is _not_ unnecessary. I almost lost you forever. That can get a man in distress, don't you think so?” “Yes, I do think so. But: It mustn't be caused solely by my peculiar way of dealing with my emotions. I don't make it easy for you to come to terms with it and process everything - ideally _together_ with me.” “Loki... ", Will sighed, "Even if it's not easy, I always know it is is unintentional by you.” “My terrible way of manipulating people who love me with these behaviors are in fact not intentional. But that doesn't make them any less difficult and doesn't make me a normal human being."

"You're _not_ manipulative." Loki laughed unhappily. "I ... this way of being _is_ manipulative and hence _I_ am. William, I find it difficult to understand the miracle you are doing to me: You love me, the one I truly am.” “But of course I love you! Exactly the one you truly are! I don't want you any other way. Not 'easy' and not ... not _different_. I _do_ love you.” “And it would be helpful and conducive to my soul's salvation if you could also agree I am not _normal_. I'm different from most other people.” “Darling, I don't think it's very...”, Loki interrupted him stating firmly: “ _And_ that you _still_ love me, though. Nonetheless.” William was speechless for a while but the proverbial daylight was seen by him. He took his hand, pulling it to his lips. “This is not easy for me. I once swore to myself not to make this a subject of relationship conversations." Loki was startled: "Why?” “I think it's ... _indecent_. It's putting me in the position of judge, with you being the accused and nothing is further from me.” “But ... I don't understand, _why_?” “To tell you you are not normal ... I love you and can't connect that with the word 'regardless'.” Loki thought for a moment. "Not even if I wish from the bottom of my heart you'd do so?" "Loki..." "Yes, I'm mean. A _monster_ and manipulative. But I am not all terrible. I'm gorgeous in red.” Will had to laugh. It freed him.

“You are the greatest miracle humanity has produced. You're weird and lovable and almost ridiculously smart and sensitive and _drop-dead_ sexy at that - sorry, but I'm just a simple man. If you really want to hear it: You are _not_ normal and I still love you, regardless and without a doubt. Knowingly and fondly so.” His husband smiled his small but honest smile. "Was it that difficult, my darling?" "Yes, it was!" William laughed. “You see? You can take those small steps you think you can't. So if you really want to clean up your - _our_ \- house, you _can_ do it. I recommend you seek advice from our charming houseguest, whom we are expecting in a few days. I'm certainly an orderly person, but Michelle is unmatched when it comes to organizational skills. I am convinced she will think it very nice of you asking her for advice.” “Loki...”, Will wrapped his arms around his waist. “You are insanely irresistible. Could we ...?" Loki interrupted him with a smirk: "Go back quickly to make love? I think so. The longer I'm kept from evaluating Professor Brown's lectures, the better.” They kissed, first tenderly, soon with more passion so they hurried to get home quickly.

*

Loki's secret amusement grew day by day when MJ stayed with them. Within some few hours, the first night after a nice dinner in the city, she had drawn up a written inventory, some lists to work off and a solid plan. First point: An empty room was needed. In this, William would gradually be able to clear all things from all the other rooms and sort them out in peace and without distraction. The second night already she vigorously put the plan into action. The room to be emptied was the drawing room, her guestroom at the moment. She had ordered boxes and wrapping paper from a moving company first thing in the morning, and they had been delivered that afternoon. The same moving company would be collecting the first batch of redundant furniture for disposal in a few days. After dinner, MJ and the two men packed boxes. The crockery showcase had gotten the stamp 'hideous' from her and was one of the pieces of furniture that would find its way into a social department store. All items were packed without comment. It would be counterproductive to reproach Will, especially now he had set himself such a difficult goal, no matter how questionable some of the items stored might be.

Loki had gone into town in the morning - no lectures had been scheduled - and found a nice, large casket in an antique shop in which his husband could put the art project he had started, carefully separated from one another by layers of tissue paper. For his ink and writing utensils, he bought a beautiful leather folder in an art supplies store, in which he could keep everything well sorted and protected. Will's calligraphy set and ink brushes were handmade and quite valuable and should no longer just lie around in a cupboard. While MJ and Loki continued packing boxes, Will carefully stowed away his drawings and copies. “You need a room and a decent table for this work. Preferably with a tiltable table top. ”, Michelle said into the peaceful silence. “None of the rooms is as bright as this one and I think we could make a real guest room out of it.” Loki suggested: “Why don't we have the attic reconstructed? With skylights. There we can both have a studio.” William thought for a moment. “Except for the prospect of having a construction site in the house, the idea is genius!” “We can have it done the next time we're traveling. With the prospect of a correspondingly high punctuality bonus, a building contractor will stick to the schedule."

"You want to let a building contractor in here when we're out?" "With a correspondingly high discretionary bonus in prospect, that's no problem either." Will laughed: "You're a squanderer." Loki pursed his mouth. "How would you like a trip to Middle-earth?" Will's eyes widened. As a linguist, he was an ardent Tolkien fan and still found the power of the images in the Lord of the Rings films, which were almost as old as himself, shot in New Zealand, fascinating to this day. “A round trip and at the end a relaxing week in a hobbit cave? What do you say?” “Sounds terrific! But we can't do that until next year. The winter holidays are too short.” “Besides, I don't feel like paying even also a Christmas bonus.” MJ chuckled. "Oh why not? You've got plenty of money and a habit to spend it easily!” “And _you_ want me to put a not inconsiderable sum of it into your educational project. Isn't it okay with you that I'm keeping my money together a little?” She narrowed her eyes in jest. "I actually hope you want _yourself_ be putting a not inconsiderable amount of money into my educational project _._ I can't use a sponsor who isn't convincing in front of the camera. Because of the message. With enthusiasm for the cause you have to finally overshadow the fact you are probably wearing a suit at the benefit gala showing the considerable amount it had cost."

Loki raised his eyebrows. “I hope you are not so nasty to my brother. Probably not, he's much more sociable and cuter than me.” “And not that old yet. Don't forget that old.” “Cheeky brat.” “Spoiled millionaire. Why did you leave your fancy Jaguar in New York? Everyone's told me you love that car!” “After a night of fresh snowfall, I probably wouldn't be able to again find he low car on the road.” MJ laughed out loud. Will had been watching them and their friendly banter for a while, amused. It's a shame Peter and his exhilarant girlfriend hadn't visited them much more often. Loki could take a little bit of contra every now and then and at times he even liked it very much. His parents and brothers (and Will himself anyway) were sometimes a bit inhibited, often touching him as if with kid gloves. Michelle 'MJ' Jones didn't seem the least bit intimidated by him or even scared, as Bucky had once been for a bit. Peter must have spoken of him very warmly and kindly to her ! A good boy. _Man,_ he corrected himself mentally. Chief Engineer and CEO of Stark Industries. _Blimey!_

"And where do we put this table until your attic is finished?" Loki looked at William questioningly. “I've got a standing desk in the attic. The plate is inclined and it has at a good height. It should fit in the alcove in the living room, where the light is good to work, too.” “Is it heavy?” “Why do you ask?” “Because I want to know if I need one of you to get it.” “There's no room in the alcove yet, there's a wing chair from before the war.”, Loki remarked dryly. Will shook his head with a smile. "Which war?", MJ asked. “De bello Gallico.” “Hey!”, Will laughed, “that takes the biscuit! I think you just want to distract Michelle's sharp tongue from yourself with unfairly targeting me. Tut. What a lousy husband you are. Comfort in the dark, to honor and protect me, all empty words.” “A successful - happy - marriage needs patience. Dearest, one with me even a lot of it.", Loki smiled. "You are lucky I have a fair amount of it." "I don't know who is worse", Michelle sighed, "the two of you or Steve and Bucky." As if shot from a pistol, Loki said: "Steve and Bucky, you don't have to think about it any further." "Well, I don't know, you don’t give each other anything, all the four of you."

The two weeks went by in a flash. During the day, MJ was an interested and committed intern who was amazed at the tidiness in William Harrington's office at university and his tasks management. She had never imagined this after the first glance into his chaotic house. That this house had to be called 'his' house and not 'his and Lokis' house, she, who finally knew Loki's apartment in New York, was perfectly aware of. And she quietly admired Loki Harrington-Stark's equanimity to live in such an environment, measured against the way he always had designed his own. He had to love his husband a great amount. But equipped with a well-thought-out plan she had given the two of them when they said goodbye, this house might finally become 'their' house in the coming weeks. Everyone found the farewell regrettable. They had been having a good time and Loki thought it was nice to have gotten to know the 'other' sister-in-law better ... MJ had learned a lot during her internship and had also received something for goodbye: valuable tips on preparing for exams from an experienced university professor. Her master’s exams were due in a couple of weeks. They would meet each other again in New York at Christmas and everyone assured they were looking forward to it.

*

Only three weeks later, the next guests announced themselves: Steve had days of compensatory leave due to extensive training during the summer holidays and they - Morgan above all - wanted to spend them with Loki and Will. The private Montessori school had 'harvest holidays' - an old-fashioned term for a relic from a time when they still were needed, but it fit the philosophy of Montessori pedagogy. After all, they hadn't been able to take the planned summer trip. Back then, Bucky and Morgan had unceremoniously traveled to Wakanda for a week. There most of the time they had been staying in a shepherd's hut. Morgan learned the traditional way to make fires, she was tending goats, and Shuri practiced all sorts of intricate braids on her hair in the evenings. Her daughter Ayo's hair was still too short. The old friends had been chatting comfortably for hours while Bucky cuddled with the cute little one. Now all three of them were looking forward to their Canada vacation. They weren't going by mobile home, however, but by plane, the time available was simply too short.

When Steve had told Loki they were planning to stay at a hotel, he was displeased and asked them to stay in their house. The proposed guest room was almost complete and ready to take in Steve and Bucky. Will's sorting work could well be interrupted. Morgan would be accommodated in the attic, where they had built her a 'camp' out of blankets and a large air mattress. Loki picked up the little family at the airport. Before they left, Morgan insisted on buying a Canadian Park Ranger hat from the souvenir shop. "I hope you don't have any shotguns for bear hunting in your luggage." Loki asked dryly, addressing his brother and brother-in-law. Steve grinned, "No, don't worry, nor any fishing rods by the way." Bucky giggled.

Arrived at the house, Morgan immediately jumped on William's 'natural history collection'. She examined the mysterious rodent skeleton with a magnifying glass, photographing it from all angles and compared the collected stones with a booklet on geology. After she stopped short: "Uncle Loki!" The men sitting around the coffee table, talking, looked at her. "Where are all of Uncle Will's sticks?" Morgan held a gnarled twig in one hand and looked downright indignant. "Oh. Dearest little Lady Morgan, it was the first cold evening in September ... Even September nights are sometimes very frosty here around and we haven't had any firewood in the house. To avert a bitter death from cold, we layered the sticks in the fireplace around a campfire to warm our trembling limbs by its flames - old and dry as they were, they gave good fuel. We only saved this one special stick from the flames.” “Why didn't you just turn on the heating? Is it broken? Papa can fix it. Papa can fix everything!” Bucky looked pleased with himself at this enthusiastic statement. "Yes, maybe your papa could check on the heater. We were so cold that evening."

"What's so special about this stick?", She turned the mentioned item in her hands. “Uncle Will found it in Central Park on his first visit to New York and took it here with him.” “It's a shame the others aren't there anymore. I wanted to try to build a Leonardo Bridge with them.” “ _The_ Leonardo Bridge?” “Yes! Leonardo da Vinci! We did that in school! It's pretty hard, but Gordon and I had actually the best ideas!” The name Gordon let Bucky's proud smile falter a little. The boy was still a staple in all of Morgan's school tales. "A special stick," Steve said, smiling at the younger brother. “Yes, I think so too.” “Papa, you have to check on Uncle Loki's and Uncle Will's heating. Can I help you?” Bucky looked at his brother-in-law questioningly. "In fact, the thermostat on the outside sensor is causing some problems." Bucky got up immediately. "Is the software synchronized with your StarkPad or only on the main computer?" Loki knitted his eyebrows. "The software of what?" "Of your SmartHome system." "We haven't got a SmartHome system." Bucky looked at him as at a ghost. Morgan's face reflected the expression almost eerily. Steve had to laugh: "You can't imagine how comfortable I am right now, brother!"

“But Uncle Loki! How do you turn on the heating without a SmartHome system so it is warm when you're coming home?” “Has your papa ever shown you this archaic device called a 'timer'?” “No, what is it? Papa, don't you know what that is, either?” “I do, honey, I know them. But Loki is right - _archaic_. They even already were when I was your age, to be honest.” “Come on, Bucky", Steve laughed, "that's not true!" Loki asked his niece gently: "Would you like to see one?” “Yes, please!", cheerfullly she jumped up from her chair to go to the main thermostat at the central spot of the house with her uncle. There was a timer upstream of the thermostat. Morgan was disappointed. "Looks boring." "You've been probably hoping it looked like a time bomb." Loki laughed. “I was hoping it looked a little more obsolete. Maybe like the Doctor's pocket watch. If it's something so out of date after all.” “Your father's exaggerating shamelessly sometimes, little Lady Morgan.” The nine-year-old frowned.

“Dad said I can ask you anything. At first I didn't dare, but he says I could." Loki raised his eyebrows: "Didn't _dare_?” “Well, it's like this: do you know another girl named Morgan?" “Why do you ask?” “Because you always call me 'little Lady Morgan' and I've thought maybe you know a Morgan who is older than me and that's why she is 'big Lady Morgan'. But you've never talked about her and I thought maybe she was dead. I haven't asked because I haven't meant to make you sad.” “That's but very nice of you. But no, I don't and never have known another Morgan. You are the only Lady Morgan in my life.” “So you don't have to call me ' _little_ lady'?” “Shouldn't I?” “I'm not _little_ anymore.” “You know, biggest of all ladies, adults are weird. We always wish children stayed small and maybe we try to hex all of you a little so you don't grow so fast: Calling you little ones all the time might be like a secret spell.” “That would be mean. I don't want to stay a child forever! Thank goodness there are no real spells.” “Wouldn't it be great? Wouldn't you like to be able to do magic?” She giggled.

"Oh, sometimes. To finish my homework or to make vegetable risotto tasting like pizza. A room-tidying spell wouldn't be bad either.” “Well, who knows? We don't know if there _is_ magic after all. Maybe we just haven't discovered it yet.” The girl raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Uncle Loki, you'd better not rely on it." “You're right. I could be disappointed bitterly.” “May I try out your theater video game after dinner? Gordon wants to join the theater group next trimester. I want to do so too.” Loki grinned to himself. The term 'theater video game' was quite funny for his unprecedented stage simulator. "If your parents allow it. A deal?" "A deal."

Will came around six with a promisingly smelling take-away bag and after a warm welcome, they dined happily, chatting. “Tomorrow I'll be cooking for everyone. Where do you go shopping for groceries, Loki?” “I don't go shopping for groceries, Bucky.” “Wh-what?” “I never went shopping for groceries in New York either.” “Yes, but in New York you also had a housekeeper. I've thought, since you're studying from home...” “Do you guys eat delicious stuff like that every day?” Morgan asked astonished. The Canadian take-away Will had brought was hearty. Poutine - a kind of french fries with cheese cubes in sauce, meat pie and dessert waffles called 'beaver tails'. "No, we don't. We'd burst within a month. We're cooking ourselves mostly and we have the groceries delivered.” “You can cook, Uncle Loki?” The girl was surprised at the thought.” “ Based on what you are used to, I would call it warming up edibles, but yes, some call it cooking.” “Dad! Uncle Loki can cook!” Steve twisted the corners of his mouth upwards. "Yes, but look at how thin he is - his cooking skills are surely not up to much." "If we haven't all already known how good a cook Bucky is, it could be seen on you, brother." Steve laughed: “You haven't changed a bit.” “Why should I?” “Exactly. Why should you?” Will raised his beer glass. Morgan wondered, “I think it's weird you never go shopping. It's fun!” Loki replied: “In a bookstore it is.” Morgan wrinkled her nose...


	145. Second Youngest S.I. CEO of all Time

**Second Youngest S.I. CEO of all Time**

"Send me a detailed overview of all the data by 3 pm, Mr. Beck, I don't make decisions based on estimates and summaries." "Mr. Stark, with all due respect, the accounting department has carefully made these calculations half a dozen times. This data sheet is containing all the relevant information.” “I appreciate your praise for the work of the accounting department, but I have to stand by my beliefs in my decision. The calculated loss of sales seems extremely high and so far it has never been wrong not to pursue the risk of a new product with initially low profit opportunities. Do you remember the StarkExperienceSuit? It devoured millions to its completion and where did it take the company? Commissions from renowned institutions worldwide. Lots of prestige and, in the end, downright dark black numbers. StarkExoSkeleton is also a project close to my heart. You won't be able to dissuade me so quickly with long series of numbers.” Quentin Beck knew he had lost. He nodded politely to the _boy_ in the executive chair, leaving the CEO's office after.

Peter Stark, 26 years old, sagged, exhausted. Mr Beck was the managing director, who basically had all the duties at Stark Industries that Pepper Stark once had while he did his father's former job. But did he? Well, rather pitifully trying to fill out the gap more badly than right. Anthony Stark left a _gigantic_ gap and Peter really wasn't a giant ... Nobody was like his father! Beck, who had already started to direct the fortunes of Stark Industries when Pepper Stark had retired, was not too enthusiastic about the new direction his young boss was taking: Tony Stark had already been said to be a philanthropist . If that should have been true, Peter Stark was a saint! And saints were not meant to get rich, but rather to lead a dreary existence in modest humility. Beck's ambition to make the company under his control even bigger was threatened by altruistic, low-income projects of all kinds, to which the young Mr Stark was so attached.

First and foremost: This foundation his girlfriend from the Queens slums played around with. What a thorn in his side was the young woman! Though she had nothing to do with Stark Industries. She was also polite and liked to stay in the background. Quentin Beck was rather annoyed precisely because she did _not_ offer any target. In the building, three floors below the top, she had three modest offices, in which she gathered her group of 'good-doers' around her. People of all ages, of all origins and with a wide variety of family backgrounds. Steven Stark came to one of the meetings once a week. The youngest member of the committee was Proxima Quill-Titan, Thanos Titan's granddaughter. Just finished high school, she was doing an internship at Michelle 'MJ' Jones' Education Association. They wrote pamphlets to send them to newspapers and online platforms, presenting the project to all relevant media. The search for sponsors was still in full swing and the renovation of the model school was discussed every week.

The building complex had previously housed the Cuny College of Staten Island and was leased from New York State to the company founded a year ago. They met the very high costs during the renovation without a college run from various sources: For example, Michelle and her team had successfully applied for funds from all kinds of institutions; from the donation pool that has been constantly flowing for some time and of course Peter's private funds. The premises were largely suitable, but the area for childcare had to be extensively expanded and some of the buildings had to be converted into workshops and teaching kitchens and the like for the area of vocational training for adults. The ambitiously planned model college would also be the first in the whole of the country with having a day care ward for old or sick relatives. Many women never found a qualified career or financial security because they cared for relatives. The ward also served as a practical training location for nurses.

It made Mr. Beck mad that everything those two young people touched seemed to turn to gold. He had been horrified when Peter Stark, a greenhorn who had just finished college, was seated in the executive chair in front of his nose. That would come to a bitter end for Stark Industries. Half a year later he was informed that Mr Stark's equally juvenile girlfriend was moving into premises with a crazy social education project. Another weight dragging a glorious company down. He was sure of it! After that, hopefully mistakes would be corrected and he would ultimately be the one who saved Stark Industries! Nothing of his dire prospects occurred. He would rather be proved right...

Peter Stark's latest heart project, StarkExoSkeleton, was a dreamy foolishness in his eyes! Where the StarkExperienceSuit had at least brought fame through its involvement with NASA, this suit for ( _cripples_ \- he of course only _thought_ that) paralyzed or otherwise restricted in their movement abilities would throw little glamour on Stark Industries . The development of the project got its start when Peter's godfather, Dr Bruce Banner, who had been in poor health for some time, also got Parkinson's. Peter took the prototype of the NASA suit out of the moth box and developed gloves based on its model, which, using biochemical receptors and an outer frame made of the ultra-light, yet highly stable material Tony Stark had developed for Thor's walking stick at the time. They made it possible to perform everyday tasks such as eating or shaving without another person's help. He had succeeded a year and a half ago and since then he has been working on a suit that can be worn halfway or all over the body, as required. Even paraplegics would almost regain full mobility thanks to him, should Peter be successful.

In general, the cornerstone of the wealth and success of Stark Industries - entertainment and communication electronics - no longer played the overriding role since Peter Stark was the first man in the house. The main focus of development was on medical aids and research and development in the fields of orthopedic and prosthetic technology, body tissue research and breeding, cyber biotechnology, cell research, nanotechnology for surgical techniques and neuropsychology. Research institutions and university hospitals from all over the world kept sending requests to send interns to Peter Stark's miraculous workshop. Problems and food for thought fluttered into his mailbox almost every hour. Honorable goals and tasks for a genius - but none of them could be turned into money as easily as giving bored rich people something to play with - or corrupt states and organizations something to shoot and kill with. A large team of the best lawyers in the country were constantly working on patent formulations making it impossible for decades or longer to be able to use a product or process developed at SI for weapons technology or development. Peter Stark was very strict about this.

Around noon his girlfriend poked her dark, curly head into the door. "Hey! You look messed up!” “Thank you, you too look disheveled, but rather cute.” He looked at the clock, half past one ... His stomach was rumbling at exact this moment. "Let me guess, you're kidnapping me for lunch." She smiled widely. “Only if you're already done with all of your tasks.” “Then maybe in five years, two months and three days. I'll tell you the exact time as soon as possible.", he sighed. MJ laughed out loud. "Heads up! I don't want to be like that. One works not easily on an empty stomach. Fancy a burger?” “Or corn dogs?” “Not bad either.” Peter and his girlfriend didn't like eating in one of the SI canteens. Everyone was always staring at them and the food on offer was usually too chic for them. Michelle in particular found it difficult to return to charity applications after a beef fillet with bearnaise. They hurried to leave the imposing company building by secret routes, Peter, the boss, would otherwise only be held up in every corner, and in a nearby diner they ordered burgers and corn dogs.

“What else is up this month?” She had pulled out her StarkPhone to coordinate her calendar with Peters. Both had so much on their minds they had to adjust their schedule two or three times almost every week. “I'm in Boston for two days at the end of next week. Medical specialist conference on the subject of neurosynapses. A research group wants to work with the StarkExperienceSuit. The Ethics Council called the meeting.” “Does that make you nervous?” “I hope they don't ask me questions like, 'Have you ever used the suit for a private purpose?' MJ raised her eyebrows questioningly - very highly ...He chuckled, “I programmed it to be like wading through jelly. Thor and I thought about it when I was a kid. He was also quite curious and we were so close," he held his thumb and forefinger very closely together, "to carry out this experiment. In Thor's bathtub. Steve caught us in the act. Too stupid. I've kept thinking about how it might feel.” “How old were you?” “Five - Thor was 17. You could always make up all sorts of nonsense with him. If only we had waited until _Spoilsport_ \- that's what Thor called Steve at the time - was in college. We had to eat jelly for weeks. You know Steve... _'Don't you dare to throw away any food!'_ “ “He's right, you know!” “Yeah, of course. But imagine! Jelly for weeks! Loki was so pissed. You will understand that I don't want to tell this story to the best neurologists in the world.” They laughed together. "And how did it feel?" "Super gross!"

“I have an invitation to the city's public education budget meeting on Friday. I'll take the little Quill-Titan with me, she's quite eager for it” “Her dad was Thor's best friend in high school. A legendary team, it's said. I think it's nice they still see each other now and then.” “Has Ned still not decided on your job offer?” Peter shook his head sadly. “Dad's warned me. Uncle Jim didn't want to work for him either. I hardly see Ned anymore, I've got so little time! Would he be working at SI ... But well, I have to accept his decision.” “You think he will refuse.” “Yes, unfortunately.” She squeezed his wrist sympathetically. "Oops", she opened her eyes playfully wide when she looked at her StarkPhone again. “Thursday evening I have something in my calendar I don't understand. Look at this.” He picked up the phone and had to smile despite the sad topic of conversation. It said: 'Cheer up Peter: Movie night with Spider-Man and Pizza'. "Difficult to understand, this cryptic entry, though." "You're an idiot." She tossed a fry at him, which he skillfully caught and put into his mouth. “ _Your_ idiot. I love you, baby. You _hate_ Spider-Man.” She cocked her head. “Well, you know what? I love _you._ ” Across the table they looked deeply into each other's eyes. Peter sighed inaudibly. "How lucky I am."

“On Monday we will do a tour of the construction site. Steve's coming with a delegation from the Education Committee. I hope they like what they see.” “I really have to go back again to the construction site, I haven't seen so much of the progress.” “The tour is at 5.30 pm, maybe you can somehow break loose from SI.” Peter looked doubtful. "I'll see what can be done." "Anything else this month?" He wrinkled his nose. "Have you been thinking about the benefit ball?" MJ rolled her eyes. "Yes ... I'm doing the PR training. You will be amazed what a charming companion I am. It won't be the last time I have to shine next to you. It's part of it.” “Would you like to buy a dress for it?” “Oh, what for? The next time I could wear it, it'll end up totally out of style. I'll borrow one again.” “I'll let Bucky know so he can bring safety pins.” “I'm sure I need some, those dresses are all made to walk around on stilts. Flat shoes are sure to drag them through the dirt like that.” “You can borrow matching shoes or have a look at Mom's.” MJ and Pepper had the same shoe size. "I'm a giant in your mother's shoes." "And?" "I'm your _arm candy_ , _CEO_ Stark." Peter looked at her blankly.

"Would you like me to tower over you like a skyscraper?" MJ was almost a hand taller than Peter even without heels. "Why would I mind?" She looked at him speechless, he had to laugh a little. “I'm not one of those macho brains who think they lose some of their most valuable junks when their woman is taller. I grew up with a woman being taller than her man. It was never unusual for me. I wouldn't want to miss an inch from you. Each one is lovely and dear to me. You will be gorgeous, as always. People will envy me, definitely not laugh at me.” “I don't know...” “Think about it. Pick a dress and just put on the shoes you like best. It's fine with me.” “Do you have a color in mind?” “I'll be wearing a tuxedo, black. So it's up to you completely. Take mom with you, she always knows how to dress appropriately.” “I'll think about it."

*

"Da-ad ... I'd like to go to the ball with you." Morgan and Steve were alone at the dinner table. Bucky had a tax audit at Barnes' Motor Barn. He was to be expected late. "But, honey, this is an evening event for adults." "It's very important for Peter, isn't it?" "Yes, it is...?" Steve replied carefully. Morgan was a clever little thing - to ask when Bucky wasn't around! "I want him to know I'm supporting him too." "But Pete does knows of course." "And it's about school and education." "Um ... yes, but ..." He was interrupted : “So it's about _children_ and _young_ people.” “And yet there are mostly old people. Important people, boring people.” “But they have to know what school is like, and education. They've all forgotten for a long time!” Steve smiled. "And you want to tell them?" Morgan frowned a little. "I think old people can listen more to us children. After all, they always want us to listen to them.” He laughed, “Well, not all of them.” “Da-ad, it's a Stark Industries event, isn't it?” “Well, not necessarily. It's MJ's event that SI's hosting.” “I'm a Stark too. Papa told me even Uncle Loki and Uncle Will are coming from Canada. And I'm a Stark who even lives in New York. I can't stay out of there!” “It'll be definitely very boring and you...”, he frowned at Morgan's slightly trembling lower lip. She looked at him with wide eyes:

“Are you afraid I'm embarrassing you? Is that why you always do the awesome things without me?” Steve swallowed. "But no, angel, how did you come up with that?" "You didn't let me join you for Devin's and Juan's engagement party either!" Devin and Juan were friends from the community - a very fun-loving couple and no _family friendly_ engagement party had been to be expected - and that was what had happened, of course. "But that ... Morgan, we're not afraid that you will embarrass us. How could we? You're a very nice girl!” “Can I go to the ball then? I will behave really well. I can even curtsy when the old folks are into it.” “I'll be talking to papa about it, alright?” His daughter looked at her fingernails with a decidedly indifferent look. "Of course," she said flatly. Steve frowned. "What? It's a fair compromise.” Morgan raised a shoulder. "Sure, he's the boss." "Uh ... _No_ , I'll talk to him about it and ..." She interrupted him again: "And what papa says will be done. It's OK. Next time I'll ask him right away. Please pass me the juice, Dad.” “All right, Morgan. Two hours, then we'll send you home to Annie in the company's limousine. This is my best offer." Morgan beamed at him, "Oh, Dad! Awesome! Thank you. Papa can go and buy a dress with me tomorrow." It suddenly dawned on Steve...

Bucky was late, but amazingly, he wasn't in a bad mood like every year after tax audits. "Hey baby, how was your day?" He kissed him. “Apparently no better than yours anyway. Everything's gone well, hasn't it?” Bucky grinned, got a bottle of beer from the fridge to sit down with him at the table. Steve had corrected some essays, but now pushed the papers aside looking curiously at Bucky. He was actually buzzing with excitement! “Everything's gone exceedingly well! This year I've been blessed with a tax auditor who...” he took a long sip, flashing at Steve; "is playing on _my_ team." His husband laughed. “How soon did you notice?” “I didn't stop the time ... _soon._ Let's leave it at that.” “And how did it go on?” “Oh, you know, playing with my hair, licking my lips, putting my fingertips on my collarbone...” “Unfortunately, I haven't seen you doing this for a long time.” , Steve whispered more than he spoke. Bucky put his chin in both hands beaming at him: "Next week, baby, the benefit gala. I'll be flirting the whole evening - with _you_ and maybe we could ... ", he broke off confused. Steve suddenly looked stressed. "Oh, now that you're mentioning", he said casually, "we could take Morgan with us, couldn't we?" Bucky dropped his jaw.

“Wh-what?” He called, “what kind of stupid idea is that? Do you instead having champagne, dancing and flirting with each other want to play 20 questions for hours?” “It's an important event for Peter and she is his godchild, a Stark and...” He was interrupted: “She talked you into it.” Steve was silent briefly, thinking feverishly. He came up with: “Don't you think it's time to introduce her to those social responsibilities of the family's?” Bucky snorted, “She's ten! What's next? Debutante Ball? Steve ... just admit it." He looked cute looking contrite. Bucky gave him an encouraging smile. “She set me up. She said you..." Steve blushed. "What? What did she say?” “She said you're the boss.” As if by chance, Bucky dropped his hand from where he had propped his chin, his fingertips resting on his collarbone. Steve's eyes were fixed on it as if hypnotized. "The _boss_?" His husband literally purred. "W-well, if you want to?" Bucky licked his lips, leaning forward he whispered: "Let's decide upstairs who's...the _boss_." (...)

*

"I hope my tuxedo will still fit." Loki looked at Will attentively. They packed up for a long weekend in New York. The next day was MJ's big gala. "I can't notice any change on you." "Fortunately, neither of us is a good cook." Loki laughed. "At least you make a great breakfast." He was very fond of Will's pancakes. “And luckily we don't have breakfast every day. One's swelling like a yeast dumpling from a Canadian breakfast.” “A layer of fat might be essential for survival of the winters here around.” “For bear hunters 200 years ago maybe. The much-vaunted lumberjack look isn't what you find in glossy US magazines in real life.” “No, you only have to drive 100 miles out of town and go to a small town diner.” “You mean where you are looking out of place like an alien every time you step into one, making waitresses drop the coffee pot?” Loki shook his head with a laugh. “I think I adapt to my surroundings quite well.” “At least you try. But you are someone who manages to find the only elegant down jacket in the world with also looking elegant in it." Loki wrinkled his nose: "What are you flattering me again. Did you forget something due? Paying the electricity bill? Ordering firewood? Is there a rude awakening about?” Will chuckled, shaking his head. “Never. Not if I can prevent it."

Loki slammed his suitcase shut and called back to his husband as he went out: “If you have too much for your suitcase, as always, there is still room in mine. The luggage will be picked up in half an hour. And by the way: I know.” Will smiled after him and continued packing. After repacking three times, he sighed, and resignedly put two sweaters and one pajama in Loki's suitcase. Before closing it, he wrote some lines on a piece of paper and placed it on top of their clothes.

The New York apartment was prepared for their arrival: the protective covers were pulled from the furniture, the refrigerator was filled. The temperature was pleasant and there were flowers on the kitchen counter. Loki immediately went to the library with his 'books box', a sturdy box made of ultra-light SI material, to 'exchange' its contents. Sometimes he missed his book collection. Will had got numerous books too - even many Loki owned himself. But every time he visited New York, he exchanged books that were to travel with them back to Canada. Will tried on the tuxedo first. It still fit like a glove, he realized with great relief. Especially the winter months could be fatal in the Winnipeg climate. You didn't move much, because of the lack of light hours and to have a little snack during a cozy tea hour was simply tempting in the dark season. Apparently he had kept his resolution not to let himself go. He hung up his tuxedo and put on more comfortable clothes again.

He came to Loki in the library. There he found his husband cross-legged on the floor. Spread around him about two dozen books, he seemed undecided in his choice. "Would you advise me a little, dear?" Will sat down next to him to scan the preselection. His decision was made quickly: "James, Neruda, Tolstoy, Homer and everything from Whitman." "Good choices, as always. _Whitman_... 'I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness.'.” His gaze, fixed at an indefinable distance, went soft. Will recited, “'What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the print I have read in my life.'” Loki's gaze sharpened again, left corner of his mouth lifted: “And that from a linguist. Are you being sweet on me?” Will smiled. "As often as you let me. What can I say? It makes me happy.” Loki took his hand, pulled it to his lips to kiss its palm tenderly. "'Happiness, not in another place, but this place, not for another hour, but for this hour.'" Will bowed his head invitingly and ... his stomach growled audibly. Loki's eyes shone with amusement. "Well, I guess you prefer dinner? Just make sure your tuxedo still fits tomorrow.” Will laughed.

Loki found the lines while unpacking, read them three times, folded the paper and carried it with him all weekend ...

_'One half of me is yours, the other half yours_

_Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,_

_And so all yours.' ~ W. Shakespeare_

_So thank you for some room in your suitcase – all yours. W._

*

Peter was in front of the man-high mirror in the private washroom on the executive floor, where he kept his 'dress-to-impress clothes', as he called it, checking on himself doubtfully . _I look like I'm playing around with my dad's clothes. Wrong - I'm playing around with my dad's company ..._ He sighed. He had come back from MIT and never moved back into his home. Didn't seem right to him. He was now a man, CEO of Stark Industries, and wanted to create a real home for MJ, who was about to follow six months later. In no case he wanted her to move in with her boyfriend's parents. He had bought an apartment in the Dutch Kills, not very big but well designed. There was a bedroom, lounge, guest room and a study for MJ. He couldn't do his work from home anyway, so he didn't need one. MJ was there at the moment, putting the finishing touches on her outfit consisting of a borrowed dress (which she hadn't wanted to show him, it was supposed to be a surprise) and a pair of her mother-in-law's killer shoes. Her mother did her hair and make-up, which, annoyingly, she couldn't do without on such an occasion. While Peter and MJ had lived in Boston, not only Pepper had retired but also Tony some time later. The latter had created a new A.I. together with Jarvis, Jarvis' 'daughter' so to speak, who from now on would be the secret boss at Stark Industries. The friendly female voice rang out and pulled Peter out of his thoughts:

“Mr Stark, the car with Miss Jones pulled up.” “Thanks, Karen. Let Miss Jones know I'm ready and on my way.” With these words, he headed to the private elevator. "A pleasure, sir. I wish the both of you a nice and successful evening.” Peter grinned to himself. How polite, courteous and ... _nice_ Karen (that's what he called her on a whim) was! No trace of Jarvis' sarcasm. When he arrived in the underground car park, the chauffeur tore open the door of the company limousine and gestured to bow. "Good evening Louis, how are the wife and children?" The chauffeur smiled at his young boss. "Very good, thanks for asking, Mr. Stark." Peter nodded and got in. His jaw dropped when he saw MJ. "Y-you look gorgeous," he stammered. She wrinkled her nose, her eyes sparkled with joy though. Still, she couldn't help asking: "So therefor I am valuable?" Peter was speechless. Who was the alien being, rebuking him in MJ's voice? She burst out laughing: “My goodness, your face! I was just kidding!” Peter fell in with relief.

“MJ, do you know what we're looking like? As if I were going to my prom with my big sister because no girl said 'yes' and she felt sorry for me.” “Peter ... _No!_ ", She got serious, "You're looking great! Unusual, but great, honestly. I'm just embarrassed and it's making me snappy, you know me.” “Yes,” he smiled broadly at her, “indeed, and I love you, whether embarrassed or snappy and you do look beautiful, but your value comes from somewhere else.” Now she was a little speechless.

"Peter Benjamin Stark, if you promise to keep your hands off my hair..." "Then?" "Then I would like you to kiss me." "Can my fingers go anywhere else?" “Peter!", She laughed, "come here..." He didn't have to be told twice. When they broke apart again, he whispered: "You are so elegant, as if you were born for it and I feel like a peasant tramp in his big brother's discarded suit." "Well... You'd have drowned helplessly in any of your brothers' suits.” “Heh!" "I'm right." "Yes, you are.", he sighed, "and Steve and Loki will come and everyone will think the 'worthy' heirs are there too." “Stop it already! Nobody but you could have done it! You know, your brothers know, and most importantly: your father knows, has known for a long time.” “Well ... Yes, that's right, but...” “Really. Stop it now. Honestly. What can I say? Following in the footsteps of your graceful, elegant, socially perfect mother is almost even harder! At least your dad was always eccentric and being himself, but to be the woman by the side of the SI genius...", she didn't go on.

“MJ ... you are an amazing, great woman with values and goals. Intelligent, determined and a valuable person. Also stunning.", he smirked. She cast her eyes down in modesty. They weren't talking about things like that very often. Louis informed them via COM they were about to arrive soon. "What's he thinking?", MJ whispered, "that we have to get dressed again?" The passenger cabin was soundproof. Peter laughed, "Doesn't this tell you all about the reputation Dad and my perfect mother must have earned?" “You _mean_...?” He laughed: “Of course! They've always been very much in love with each other and ... well, let's not go into details." Michelle giggled: "It's a shame we're there right now.", She smiled mischievously, "maybe on our way back?” “Hm" , Peter made boldly, “why not? I'm Tony Stark's heir!” Michelle laughed out loud. The car stopped. "Ready?" She knew what to expect outside: A storm of flashlights, screaming from journalists, bystanders, the red carpet ... She swallowed. Her boyfriend grinned crookedly: "I feel the same way." MJ gave herself a jerk: "Well, let's go!" Peter knocked on the window and Louis opened the door to the rear ...

(May 2043)


	146. A Glamorous Night at Stark Industries

**A Glamorous Night at Stark Industries**

  
The journalists pounced on every newcomer. The celebrity chef at one of New York's best restaurants: a Hispanic woman from the Caribbean who revolutionized Creole cuisine. From the very bottom she had made it all the way to the top. The classic 'from dishwasher to millionaire': a black man from Harlem who had built a mini-office out of discarded corrugated iron in the backyard of his block and developed apps with an old computer and an old smartphone with cracks in the display, selling said apps millions of times. The single mom who started a private childcare service with a self-developed educating concept. One of the best basketball players in the States with a prosthetic leg ... loads of success stories that followed MJ's call to become sponsors and ambassadors for her educational association. The first Starks to arrive by taxi were Steven Stark, his husband James Barnes, and their daughter Morgan Stark. Steve and Bucky wore black tuxedos, and Morgan's papa had advised her to wear a white overcoat dress after finding her first choice too daring for a ten-year-old.

"Miss Stark!" Shouted a reporter as the family gave in to being photographed. Of course, giving in to fate was only faked. All three of them enjoyed the attention. Bucky immediately glared at the reporter warningly which meant _careful there_. “What school do you go to?” Morgan raised her chin in the air: “The best school in the world: 'The New York City Maria Montessori's home for learning through experience'.” “An expensive school, they say.” Steve took a deep breath, but his daughter had an appropriate answer: "That's how it is when America doesn't want to spend money on kids having fun learning." "But not everyone can afford your school." Bucky made himself as big and broad as he could, but before he could give an answer, Morgan said, “My school friend Shirley doesn't have to pay anything because she can only learn if she can touch something. Everything she hears goes broken on the way to her brain and my school is there for her.” Bucky and Steve exchanged a proud look above their daughter placed between them. She still had something to say: “Dad and papa are paying a lot of school fees for me and that's good. Because what the school doesn't need for me, they can spend on Shirley.” Her parents were beaming with pride. The pictures they would find the next day were material for the family album.

  
The next 'celebrities' in the family were Loki and Will. "Mr Stark!" "My name is Harrington, as you please." Will glanced at his husband, he'd grown all warm from his words. "Well. Mr Harrington, New York misses you and your impressive plays. Will we ever get to see anything from you again?” “I use my break from the limelight to broaden my horizons. How fitting that we are attending a gala for the country's youngsters. Because opening the world of theater and its fascination for a young audience is the next step for me.” “Are you planning to establish a children's theater in New York, as it is called?” “It's amazing that you know what it's called when it was completely hidden from me. Well, I live in Canada now, with my husband, and my work will take place there from now on.” “Mr Harrington!”, The journalist meant Will this time, “You're teaching at a Canadian university. What is the difference between the educational system in your country and ours?" Will cleared his throat: "The first thing that comes to mind is the size of the classes. Canada is a far less populous country than the United States, and I'm a professor of linguistics at that. A study program that surely only brings together small classes even in New York.” He got laughs. "This automatically results in the higher availability of scholarships in percentage terms for numerous other programs as well."

"Mr. Harrington-Stark!", Someone _had_ done their homework... "Will Thor Stark and Dr Foster show up tonight?" "No, I'm sorry, my brother and his wife have stayed in Arizona." "How is your brother?” “Thor has fully recovered and the whole family is overjoyed.” “How do you contribute to Miss Jones' association and why?” “First of all, I make generous donations on a regular basis, but of course this is easy in my position.“ He inclined his head modestly. William, who was not far away, looked at him, carried away by his self-confidence, hoping no more questions would be asked at him. Those red carpet events had always been stressful for him. Loki continued: “The question of why is of course much more complex to answer: My smart sister-in-law knows what it means to be left behind. Not from her own experience, of course. She was able to use great talent, hard work and a supportive home as well as a secure network in her close environment to escape from the spiral of the suspended, out of which many acquaintances, friends and neighbors of her home in Queens are unable to free themselves despite diverse talents.” “Why is that, Mr Stark?" He looked a little annoyed, but he did this for Michelle and put a good face:

“This is because a large group of people in this country are denied education and opportunities. I was said to be a genius for a while - during the height of my creative career. However, if I hadn't been born who I am, but let's suppose, as the daughter of a Hispanic family in a council flat in Brownsville, all genius would have been of no use to me because I would have been forced to contribute to the family income before I graduated from high school. Miss Jones doesn't forget where she came from, doesn't forget the people she saw working hard from an early age for little thanks or little reward. She is a remarkable person and deserves the utmost respect for not sitting back and happily accepting what, despite hard work and effort, is a gift in her eyes. A gift in the form of education and an opportunity. She wants to share this gift and whoever does not want to support her has no heart and no compassionate soul.” He turned to leave. "One last question, Mr. Harrington-Stark!" Loki thought that learning about his new name was definitely worthwhile his attention once more and looked at the reporter questioningly. "Are your parents going to attend this event?" His expression went a little dark. "Mr and Mrs Stark are currently visiting a sick friend out of town." This time his intention to leave was definite.

"Vultures.", He whispered to his husband, "the guy was already keen on asking about Dr Banner and the next question would surely have been about father's health." Will looked at him sympathetically: "That about Bruce is bad. I know he meant a lot to you in your childhood.” “I hope he'll cheat death one more time. Poor aunt Natasha, she has changed completely. You should have seen her! She was a bolt of temperament - and the verbal battles she fought with father or, in Russian, with Bucky, were legendary. This tragedy robs her of much. It will break Peter's heart too. Uncle Bruce is his godfather and they are very close.” “Old age, sickness and death - man is not made to really cope with it." Loki sighed: "You are right. But darling, we have to smile and be charming and funny now. Cheer up and no more a word about sickness and death.” “Easily stated. You only have to flip a switch to wake up your Broadway personality. You may have to help me a little. My lover-and-muse-of-a-Broadway-star personality has gone rusty, I'm afraid." Loki laughed softly, the hand in Will's small of the back drew comforting little circles: "I can think of something. Let's scoff at ill-fitting suits and ugly robes.” “I can't tell ugly robes from nice ones.” “Too true. Then about pompous behavior and vanity."

“Uncle Loki! Uncle Will! ", Morgan came dashing to them to give the men a joyful hug each. “Lady Morgan! What a pretty robe, you look lovely!” Giggling she turned once around her own axis, arms outstretched almost knocking a vase off a nearby table. Loki was able to save it. "Easy, Missy, every china quarry is deducted from the donation money for Michelle. Are her and Peter already there?” “We haven't seen them yet.” Steve and Bucky had arrived at the small group. Steve gave his brother and brother-in-law a friendly pat on the shoulder in greeting, and Bucky kissed both of them on the cheek. “You both look great! You've had a haircut! It was about time. You looked like a hippie!” He laughed at his brother-in-law. “Says the one who has shaken out the untamed mane of a wild horse at every opportunity for years. How often was your shower drain blocked?” “I had cleaned it regularly. House rule: The one with the longer hair cleans the drains. This is Steve now and what can I say? He's had to call the plumber twice so far.” Steve rolled his eyes. Loki looked at his combed back hairstyle. "Brother, how much gel do you have in your hair?" "Loki ... now be nice. You just said we have to be charming.", Will smiled mischievously at him. "But not to Steve and Bucky!"

“I'm so excited to see MJ's dress! She didn't even tell me the color.” “It can't be as beautiful as yours”, Will said gently to the girl. "Thank you, Uncle Will.", She turned back and forth a little and the flirtatious look was a very good copy of her papa's. Which didn't particularly please him. Morgan was still way too small to flutter her eyelashes! “Will you dance with me later?” “Me? Your uncle Loki is the better dancer.” “But he's so tall. That'd look stupid. Just like with Dad and Papa. I want to dance with Peter too." Will laughed: "Well, then write me in your dance card." With wide eyes she looked from one to the other. “I don't have anything like that! Where do you get one?” “Lady Morgan, you get a so-called dance card on a journey back in time to the 19th century.” “Well, they're still available at the Vienna Opera Ball, I've read.” “For men too?” Bucky wanted to know. Will looked at him perplexed. Morgan said, "If you had one, you'd just write Dad in." "Oho, who just spurned me because supposedly I'm too tall?" She grinned, "I've seen the two of you practice. You're going to dance a lot later, don't you?” “Ouch," Will smiled, “I hope I'm not embarrassing you, Morgan, I haven't practiced at all.” “That doesn't matter, neither have I."

  
"Miss Jones! Have you already been informed about the number of visitors? Do you think your gala will be a success?” “I have not yet received any information about the number of visitors and at this early stage it would not be very meaningful anyway. The gala is a success for me, even if only a fraction of all invited guests appear. Meeting each of them is a great honor and all of them deserve my gratitude.” “How is construction going on Staten Island?” “Everything is perfectly on schedule, there have been no major delays so far.” “You already decided on a name for your college?” “There are a few options on a closer look, but I don't want to talk about them at this point.” “Mr. Stark! Your brother said earlier your parents were at the sick-bed of a friend. Does it sadden you they didn't vacate themselves for this event?” “It saddens me for one reason only: the serious illness of a close and important friend of the family's.” “How do you feel about the first major event, since you're following in your father's big footsteps?” “I don't see this gala night as a Stark Industries event and that's why I don't see myself in Tony Stark's earlier role. The company only gives a stage to an organization that we fully support. This is a gala hosted by the Jones' and Stark's Education Foundation and Association. I am co-namesake to express my deep conviction behind everything the association does and strives for. "

“They say you turned down your scholarship at MIT. What reasons did you have for that?” “It wasn't my place to accept the financial support that almost every other talented applicant actually needed. It would be ridiculous, downright grotesque, to accept a scholarship in a position like mine.” “Tell us about your time at Community College!” Peter smiled, “What would you like to know about it?” “How do you arrange a visit to an educational institution for the underprivileged with the philosophy of the association bearing your name?” MJ was within earshot and shouted, “How do you arrange your journalistic honor with sloppy research? Mr Stark donated generously to the BMCC and thus created places for three more students.” In her PR training, she had learned to put insolent journalists in their place, after all, on such occasions, countless ears of competing media were always within earshot, and opening your mouth would always bring sympathy. The reporter blushed but quickly recovered. “I apologize, Mr. Stark. What did you like best about the BMCC?” “By far the mixed student body. We have reached out to those responsible for the college statutes and we can very likely look forward to a good working relationship with the BMCC. But please excuse Miss Jones and me, our guests are very important to us. We don't want to keep them waiting any longer.” They posed for some more pictures and went to the entrance after.

“That went great!” “You were great!” “But you too. I like the way you've defended me.” “You know, I always help the little man.” MJ giggled. Peter joined in good-naturedly. "I guess Mom hasn't got any lower heels." "Not in that color, anyway. Sorry.” She towered over her boyfriend, the CEO of Stark Industries, by five inches. "Nonsense. However, our opening dance might look a bit strange. Like a fourth grader dancing with his teacher.” “No, Peter. You are the most graceful man and the smoothest dancer in the world. It always looks fantastic when you're dancing, no matter with whom.” He stopped to take her by the elbow. When she turned to him, he lifted his chin, grinning. MJ chuckled a little to herself, hunched her shoulders and wrinkled her nose, then leaned down for a kiss. "I love you," he whispered afterwards. "I love you too. Let's go to the lions in the arena.” “Ready your whip, Baby!"

He and MJ had dozens of honorable guests to welcome. The 'little Quill-Titan', Proxima, was there with her grandfather and his wife Marjorie, an officer in the equality authority. “Peter Stark! An important cause your family's company is supporting in this. Too bad your dear father and the charming Mrs. Stark are not present.” “I'm glad you found your way into this circle, Mr. Titan. My parents deserved some peace and privacy in their retirement after a busy life in the public eye.” “Without a doubt. Excellent for Tony Stark to have a worthy successor in you. I am convinced that your youth is only an advantage when it comes to cosmopolitanism and flexibility.” “Thank you, Sir. I will tell my parents how warmly you've spoken of them. I am sure they will be delighted.” “Please also convey my joy to the entire family at your brother's recovery.” “Thank you, very much. The both of you please enjoy this night.” “...let's not forget on Monday, the list is incomplete.” “Yes, Miss Jones.” “MJ or Michelle, please. I've offered to you so often.” Proxima blushed, clearly she had a tremendous crush on her boss. "I try to remember." They strolled on, nodding to the left and right, looking for important people to whom they had not yet personally expressed their thanks for appearing.

"Peter! MJ! “, The cheering voice was unmistakable. "You look like a princess! Doesn't she look beautiful, Peter?" Morgan wrapped her arms around his waist. "Oh yes, crumbs. And now let me have a look at you.” He held her at arm's length from him. “You look like a princess too. Very elegant.” “Yes, you do.” smiled MJ, “but don't I get a hug?” “I don't want to crumple your beautiful dress.” “Rule number one: Hugging is always more important than beautiful clothes. Come on here.” Morgan let her beloved aunt cuddle her. “Where are your parents?” “At the champagne bar. Papa and Uncle Loki have what sounds like a banter contest and Dad and Uncle Will are talking about boring things, dictation or something.” “Didactic?” “Yes, could be. I got bored and got off a bit. It's great that you're finally here!” “Well, we have to talk to all the people here about boring things, too.” “Of course, Peter, you are their hosts!” She frowned up at MJ . “You are so tall today. You surely haven't grown anymore, have you?” “No, I haven't. Look.” She lifted her dress a little and stuck out one foot. Morgan made huge eyes. “Are those Grandma's shoes? I'll never learn to walk on heels like that. Dad says I trip even in flip-flops more often than anyone else. Papa says it's like I was born with soccer boots. I'm never stumbling with them.“ Peter nodded with a smile. He knew it was because of the focus his niece had on soccer and rarely otherwise.

"I want to say hello to your parents and Loki and Will, let's go to them." Morgan hopped happily ahead, Peter took MJ's hand following. To their great surprise, no one stopped them. The gala was in full swing and everyone seemed to be having a great time. Discussion groups were crowded around small standing tables; Graphs of statistics, posters with motivational pictures and words as well as the model of the finished campus of the yet nameless college found numerous interest. Waiters and waitresses with trays scurried through the crowd. Soft music - still from tape, the live band would only play for the dance – was heard in the background of everything. Arrived at the champagne bar, the small group was received by an almost panicked Bucky: “Morgan! Why don't you tell us where you're going? Thank goodness you're with Peter and MJ.” Loki coughed: “It's a dangerous place full of traps and bad guys - Stark Industries, ladies and gentlemen.” “Hello everyone.” Peter grinned. Steve gave his little brother a warm hug - Peter was the brother who always got a hug from him, he was a bit _his_ baby too, after all. Morgan rolled her eyes artfully: “You haven't even noticed that I was gone, papa. Until now.” “But immediately with great concern. Stay close to us, young lady. "

"Michelle, you look lovely.", Loki stated charmingly and took her hand indicating a kiss onto it. She giggled a little, hunching her shoulders. Will and Peter looked a bit puzzled. Broadway Loki was someone they hadn't been used to for a long time (Will) or knew little (Peter). “Your dress is the right length, Michelle! I've packed extra safety pins." , Bucky called, interrupting the moment. "Well," MJ laughed, "I've got the right shoes this time." "You're a giant!" She was as tall as Steve! "Are you all having a good time?" Peter asked the group. “Of course!”, Will smiled friendly, “an awesome event, delicious drinks, nice people. And you two? Have you survived the red carpet?” “Peter is a natural, nobody can resist his innate charm anyway.” “He got it from his father!”, Bucky agreed. “And I'm glad,” continued MJ, “that in PR training I learned you can be a bit snappish - that's very convenient for me.” “Cheers to being snappish!” Steve toasted, lifting his glass. Peter and Michelle declined with thanks when Loki gestured towards the bar. "Not until later. We both hardly ate anything because of the excitement." "I was also afraid you would be able to see each sandwich in this dress.", MJ giggled. Loki smiled, glancing at her from head to tow: "What one can admire in this dress can hardly be threatened by a harmless sandwich." She blinked astonishedly. “That's enough of flirting now, brother!” Peter grinned at Loki.

"Yes! Save that for the old ladies with their thick purses.", Bucky shouted," I'm sure some ladies here would like to fall for your 'poor-artist-needs-a-nickel-for-a-bit-of-color' – persona.” “ _You_ have to talk. And you have _no idea_." Will laughed: "Yes, believe him, Bucky. Anyone who can charm the strict, somewhat conservative director of the Lyric Theater to be allowed to adapt and perform the play Lysistrata by Aristophanes with reversed gender roles is able to get an Inuit to buy air conditioning. I've seen it live and got actually a bit jealous. He was very convincing.” “What was that play about?” Bucky asked, interested. Morgan sighed loudly, MJ took out her phone and showed her pictures of all the robes she'd tried on, while Loki roughly outlined to Bucky what one of the most controversial plays of the past 1,600 years was about. "...the Amazon warriors ended war so their lovers would come back to their bedrooms." "Oh the play with the Amazons! Steve said something about it back then.” “And I guess when you heard the big, heroic protagonists dressed in little more than chains and mini-armor are all women, you switched to being deaf. You're so predictable, brother-in-law." Bucky grinned crookedly at Will: "Did _you_ like it?” “It was a great play with unfortunately only few performances on a relatively small stage.” “So much for my bombproof charm you previously praised." Will winked at Bucky: "The lovers weren't wearing much more than the Amazons, by the way.” “Steve, why aren't you never telling me the relevant stuff?"

"Dad, I'm hungry." Everyone turned to Morgan and MJ. Peter, who had spoken a little to a member of the city council near them, was just coming back. “Off to the buffet?” “Off to the buffet!” Everyone put together generous plates with all kinds of delicious snacks and looked for a high table. "Did the reporters question you on the carpet too?" Morgan looked at Peter and MJ curiously. "Of course! We are the hosts! Why do you ask?” “They even wanted to know something from me. One of them addressed me as 'Miss Stark'.” MJ frowned. "Did you intervene?" She asked her brother-in-law. "Why then, MJ? I told him what he wanted to know.” Bucky and Steve seemed to be growing again. “Tell them, Dad! I'm so hungry.", with that she started on her canapés. Steve was red in the face with pride and joy as he recalled the short 'interview'. “Wow.”, MJ said, “you are really brave! I would have died of embarrassment at your age.” “I feel like I almost would still today,” Will said. "At least they don't ask you as outrageous questions as they did some years ago." "Which were?" Morgan wanted to know between two bites. Everyone looked at Will expectantly, Loki had raised an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth mockingly. Will blushed a bit. Bucky looked alarmed at Morgan.

“ _Do_ we want to know?” “Oh my goodness”, Loki shouted with a laugh, “who's developed such a delicacy in his old age?” “ _I_ want to know, Papa, don't you?” “Maybe Will doesn't like to tell us at all.” “Someone asked a very insulting question and I can only agree with Michelle about one having to defend themselves properly against insulting questions.” “Did they ask you whether you are secretly picking you nose or something?” He laughed: "No. They asked me how I got Loki Stark to state me as a co-author to his screenplay. That was very insulting, like if you were particularly proud of a homework and your teacher said your dad did it only putting your name under it.” “How mean! What did you tell them?” Will smiled a little pained and shrugged his shoulders. Loki sighed: “He didn't answer anything at all. Fortunately, I wasn't far and a fitting remark about the writing guild, constantly copying from each other and the generally higher integrity of university professors compared to gossip reporters silenced them. But: the damage was done. From then on some people believed Will's part in the Divine Comedy was much smaller than we wanted to admit.” “That's but mean! I'm getting me some more cake, would any of you want some too?” When everyone except Peter refused, Morgan was heading for the buffet.

“Amazing, your daughter. You can only be praised.”, Steve and Bucky were happy about the praise from the family member being spare with it. "And, Will?", Bucky, whose 'delicacy' had left the table with his daughter, smirked, "now give us one of the embarrassing questions." Loki rolled his eyes, snorting good-naturedly. It was him who'd finally started the subject. Will gave his husband a side glance putting his chin on his hand as he leaned forward confidentially: “After the premiere of the play you missed, the one with the Amazons and their lovers, a neat as a pin boy, barely out of college, from the popular gazette Broadway's Eyes and Ears without shame promised me he would write a particularly benevolent article if I could get him on the after show party. I expressed my regret for not being able to influence the party guest list. Then he put another piece of candy on top: he offered to do _everything_ demanded. I must have looked at him like a ghost, so he felt obliged to ask: 'Aren't you and Mr Stark celebrating a classical Greek orgy with the ensemble, suitable to that play? I've thought you might not force any theater employees into too juicy stuff. I'm in for it.' That didn't improve my astonished expression.” The group laughed heartily. "I really have the wrong job!" "No, Bucky, we wouldn't even have invited _you_ to our orgy, if you are now mourning a missed career as a journalist." He looked at Loki speechless: "D-does that mean, you really have...?“ “No!”, Will shouted laughing, “stop it, Loki! You're making Bucky all fuzzy and fidgety. Steve, I guess you might be on demand later this night!” “It's not the worst."

Morgan came back. "What are you laughing at? Here, Peter, your cake, it slipped off my plate, but I was able to catch it. It's a bit out of shape now, sorry.” “It doesn't matter, Morgs, it's sure still delicious.” “What are you laughing at?” Loki was still the quickest to tell harmless lies: “We've just thought if Peter had some more cake, Michelle can roll him around on the dance floor.” Morgan chuckled at the thought. Peter looked at his watch and decided to hurry up with his cake, the dance would start in a quarter of an hour. MJ wanted to speak to the crowd beforehand. "Eat in peace, finish your drinks. We better go and prepare ourselves. See you later!” They wished the young couple good luck. "Do you have any plans for summer?" Will asked. Bucky beamed: “We're going to Wakanda. Time for me to look at Princess Ayo's little sister Okoye.” His brother-in-law looked at him questioningly. Loki snorted, "You don't say, Bucky, you haven't told Will you're best friends with the Queen of Wakanda?" Bucky made a face at him. “Most of the time she's just my bestie. I'm not always a show-off.” “When was the baby born?” “Three weeks ago.” He pulled out his phone and showed Loki a picture. "Cute." " _Hello!_ ", Will shouted out to the group, "will someone tell me anything - or better _every_ thing?"

"You take care of that, Bucky. Don't forget to mention she was in my year. Meanwhile I'll entertain your daughter.” Bucky pulled Will to the champagne bar already on their way talking to him animatedly. "Tell me about your drama group, Morgan." "We're doing Peter Pan, I'm a Lost Boy in a raccoon hat! Of course it's no real fur.” “Of course not. And did you want to be a Lost Boy?” “Gordon is one too! Stupid Dylan is Peter Pan and I was supposed be a mermaid first. But then I'd have to pretend I'm in love with Dylan.", Her expression clearly reflected what she thought of this, “so, yes. I wanted to be a Lost Boy.” “Very good!”, her uncle smiled at her, “send me pictures, will you?” “Sure! I'm sure I can bring a StarkPhone with me for that.” Cell phones were not welcome in Morgan's school.

Soon it was time to make their way to the other hall, where the band was just gathering on stage and MJ was supposed to give a speech in a short time before opening the dance with Peter. When she entered the stage, the babble of voices died away, everyone looked at the stunning young woman expectantly. MJ went to the microphone, lifted her chin proudly, and spoke on:  
“Again a good evening, ladies and gentlemen, dear children, dear guests. When I look across the crowd in front of me, faces can hardly be made out, the spotlight's blinding me so much. But I do know who has gathered here with me. Whoever followed my request to make this evening an experience and to give the occasion dignity and meaning. I don't have to speak out any names right now. You all know how much it means to me having you here tonight and to express my deep connection to each and every one of you would consume a lot of time, because a brief, soulless 'thank you' would by far not do justice to the respect everyone here earns with what they have achieved and are still doing. I can only put together my deeply and honestly felt gratitude and appreciation in a vile 'You are all part of a good and important cause'. I hope the night will remain unforgettable for all of you and please, have a good time, taste some more delicacies from the buffet, empty some more glasses of champagne, and dance your shoes in two. I grant you all of this with all my heart.” She gave the audience a beaming smile, her pretty face literally glowed.

Applause broke out. 'Hurray'-shouts grew loud, she waved, leaving the stage. "She's great.", Loki whispered, "she has a true stage presence." Will agreed: "Pete is a lucky guy." "Ahem," said Steve, "Pete is the main prize himself." "MJ is so pretty! She really does look like a princess.” “You do so too, honey.” “You're not bad either, papa.” The band took a stand, the singer stepped up to the microphone: “Miss Jones is now going to open the dance with Mr Stark. The couple wish that all of you who feel like shaking their legs, join them on the dance floor after a short time. We start with a not too fast waltz: a 1986 hit by Mecano, Hijo de la Luna. "

Peter and MJ were in the middle of the dance floor. It _did_ look a little funny, but Peter's family, who have all seen him dancing, knew that as soon as they'd start moving, his grace and the ease of his movements would cast a spell on all spectators. The music started and the couple went moving. Fluent, elegant and with a lot of momentum Peter turned his girlfriend around the right axis, after six bars he switched to left rotation. Bucky sighed in admiration. He had to admit: Peter was a gifted dancer - even better than himself. The first couples joined them and Morgan looked at Will: "You've promised." "And of course I'm keeping my promise." He led the niece to the dance floor and they took up a dance posture. Most of the time they only were bobbing from one leg to the other, turning slowly, but Morgan beamed with pride. Steve pulled Bucky onto the dance floor and Loki pulled his phone out of his pocket to take pictures of everyone. After the song, Morgan cut in with Peter and Steve with MJ and the two couples danced a funny mix of freestyle and disco fox. Bucky and Will came back to Loki.

“Why aren't the two of you dancing?” “After my daughter had already kidnapped your husband for the first dance, I've thought I'd bring him back to you for the second.” “Bucky, I didn't even dance at my own wedding.” “Criminal, if you ask me. Mom says you're a good dancer.” Loki snorted: “It's not an undoable task to learn a sequence of three to four movements.” “Are you never dancing?” “I don't like to be watched doing something so intimate. When dancing you are so close, you share your breath, you feel each other's body heat, look at each other in the eyes, touch each other..." "I would say, that's exactly the point of dancing.", Bucky laughed, "what do you think of that, don't you like dancing either?" William looked a little uncomfortable. "Uhm, well..." "Oh, all right. I can't fight both of you.", Loki rumbled holding out his hand to his husband. " _May_ I have this dance?", he mocked exaggeratedly. Will's eyes sparkled with amusement. “That must be the nicest invitation to dance I've ever received.” Loki pursed his lips: “You sure won't refuse, will you?” He snorted: “As you've asked so nicely...” “The two of you are material for satire.", Bucky smirked, “go on, already!"

A new song was played: an old James Bond theme song, Skyfall, slow waltz. "Are you leading?" Will asked on their way. “Can you even do the lady's steps?” “It's not difficult. After all, you only have to start in the second half of the sequence.” “Would you like me to lead?” “I think it looks better, you're taller.” “That's all to your reasons? Wee, I'm not digging now, darling.” Loki smirked at him. "You're awful." Loki turned him in with a skillful movement of his wrist, placing his right hand under his shoulder blade to pulled him quite close bossily, it was allowed with waltz. Will looked up at him, sighing. "I've told you so," Loki's eyes sparkled, "rather intimate and everyone is watching." With that he brought his right thigh between Will's legs for the first dance step, pushing him back into the twist of the waltz. Will swallowed and was glad Loki was apparently indeed a gifted dancer. Him leading meant his partner didn't have to think a bit. Their eyes were lost in each other's and Loki's fingers on his back hooked slightly as if he wanted to claw into the fabric of Will's suit jacket. His other hand holding Will's strengthened its pressure, his thumb gently moving up and down Will's index finger. His lips were slightly parted ...

"Th-this ...", he breathed, "is intense." Loki whispered: "Everything I do is intense. Have I ever done anything to you which wasn't?” Will didn't know how to get through this dance without making a fool out of himself, sporting a massive boner on a charity event. "I-I wish we were all alone now." “I now, dearest. To me, this feels like something you don't do in front of an audience.” “But you've always danced at countless events and opera balls. I don't understand.” “My innocent darling ... You are the first person meaning that much to me so a simple dance makes me feel quite indecent and inappropriate in front of dozens of eyes.", At the next turn Will clearly felt a hard thigh pressing to his crotch. He gasped suppressed. "Loki, please... _don't._ I don't want to embarrass myself..” “All right. But I find it difficult.” “Can we maybe dance at home later, alone?” “There is enough space in the apartment. If you'd like to.” “I'd sure like to. Really and honestly.” “I've thought so."

  
The gala was a complete success. A considerable amount had been donated. Everyone had danced with each other or with some of the important guests, but Loki and Will not even once again together. Morgan was taken home by limousine as agreed and her parents drank champagne, flirting with each other, danced together and stayed at a hotel in the city after the event. You have to take date nights as they come! MJ and Peter, who were still overly excited after the long evening and hungry again, changed up in the executive suite to go to a simple diner. They chatted animatedly and excitedly up to the early hours of the next morning and made love when they stumbled into their apartment around five in the morning, just behind the apartment door in the hallway. They couldn't make it to the bedroom. A successful night like this had a lot of adrenaline pumping through one's veins.

  
Will and Loki hung up their tuxedos, showered and danced in pajamas, all alone in the poorly lit library, the armchairs were pushed against the wall. They didn't even turn on music for it. They went round and round in circles dreamily to imaginary music, embracing their bodies ever closer. Their breathing soon grew heavy, one inhaled the other, Loki's lips brushed Will's eyebrow - the spot of his face he had first kissed years ago! The fingertips of his right hand drew tender circles and spirals onto Will's skin in the small of his back. His husband sank softly against him. “I never want to share this with anyone again. You are wonderful and once again you teach me to experience something with you in a completely new way. I love you, Loki. Hold me, kiss me, _love_ me." Loki breathed: "Anything you want, love." (...)


	147. Great Events cast Their Shadows...

**Great Events cast Their Shadows...  
**  
  
“Loki texted. He's coming home for Christmas after all. Wait for it, in the end he'll stay in the old world.“, Thor didn't sound as happy as the news should actually make him. Jane looked up from her laptop, pushed the reading glasses on her forehead and smiled. “That's nice, I'm happy. Wait and see when we tell Hela! But I do not believe so. Will doesn't want to go back to England. Two semesters. No more. Your brother's promised.” “He loves London.” “That was to be expected. _Everyone_ loves London! Don't worry so much. He also loves his life in Winnipeg - _and_ his professor...” “And us ...?” “Why does it sound like a question?” “When he and Will got married, we were all so close. The family had grown closer than any time in years. After Loki went to Canada with his husband. Now he's even in Europe! Watch out, in the end Peter'll go to Mars to live there!” He tried to be funny. Jane looked at him observantly, closing her laptop resolutely and decided to give Thor his Christmas present early. He was a little depressed and she knew she would give him great pleasure with it. Christmas was only three weeks from now.  
  
Thor has worked in the observatory's nursery school since his trainee year. Hela was there, too, since last year. She was in a different class, of course, but her father's closeness gave the shy, quiet child some courage. Above all, she took part in all creative offers with great enthusiasm and loved working with colors and materials. The whole of the family home was evidence of her creativity. Pictures and sculptures were on display in all rooms. Erik was in Elementary's last year and his talents were in both maths and sports. The move to middle school in the summer wasn't expected to be a problem for him. He was always quick to make friends and wasn't afraid of anything in the world. Fandral was overjoyed with his music-oriented Elementary. Playing the piano was his greatest joy. He practiced for hours and his little sister loved to listen to him while she painted, drew, glued and modeled. The second instrument he would choose in third grade was already set: drums. Which was a good thing: Sitting still a lot while practicing the piano wasn't his nature: the urge to move and the energy from his early childhood hadn't left him. He would be able to let off some steam on the drum set.  
  
"Let's go to the winter garden, I feel like lazing around in the hammock." Thor smiled at her. "Lazing around? No more important work?” “Get some wine. Work is canceled for tonight.” He didn't have to be told twice. It was shortly after nine. Erik stayed with a friend, Fandral and Hela were already asleep. They didn't use the large family hammock which was set up in the garden in summer as often as he would like in the winter months. They made themselves comfortable. The glass roof over them gave them access to the view of a starry sky. "Where's my star?" Thor whispered. Jane narrowed her eyes briefly, reached out and pointed to the top left. “Do you see the asterisk that looks like a small B? To the right of it at four o'clock.“ 'His' star was a sun in whose orbit Jane had discovered a new planet by calculation. Through this she had got permission to rename the sun, which previously was having the unromantic labeling WZD 43-18. She had chosen 'Thor'. When he didn't answer, she glanced at him. “You're not even looking!” “Well, I do, dearest. I'm already looking at my star.” He looked deeply into her eyes and took her pointing hand out of the air to press his lips onto her fingers.  
  
He was delighted. After all those years this still made her hunching her shoulders, she scrunched up her nose letting out her sweet giggle. Wrapping his free arm around her waist he pulled her petite body to him. Her hand found his biceps and she sighed, running it up to the back of his neck to pull his head down to hers. The tender kiss grew deeper and more intimate and soon there was a lot of passion in it. Jane worked herself onto her handsome man, already fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt. She often took the initiative. Thor was an extremely gallant lover only to happy to leave the book to her. Jane loved it. He was a cuddly type of man, willing and eager to listen to and respond to all of her signals, to follow her pace and to flip the switch at the right moment handing over the reins to his own passion. Their love life was fulfilling and perfect. (…)

Groping for a blanket he could pull over their satisfied bodies, he whispered: "Now show me my star again, beautiful one." Jane giggled softly and a little weakly. "Give me more wine." Thor chuckled: "What a vile desire when the starry sky is waiting to be deciphered." "Well, _I do_ know where your star is. I've already deciphered it.", Jane chuckled taking the glass of wine, which of course he handed her despite his teasing. “But there is still so much to recover. Various scientific adventures are waiting for you out there, darling. By the way, my star is there.", He pointed in the right direction, "to the right of the B-formed star group at four o'clock." She hit him playfully and a bit weakly against the raised arm. “Interesting foreplay, Thor Stark. 'Oh, smart scientist, explain the starry sky to me'.” His deep, quiet laugh rumbled pleasantly making Jane feel warm in her stomach. "I think it works amazingly well every time." "You're incredible!" She laughed. "Yes. Incredibly in love with you. Still. Forever. I love you, Jane.” “And I love you.” They kissed.  
  
Jane looked up at the stars and sighed heavily. "There are no more scientific adventures, I'm afraid." "Jane ... no. Why are you saying that? I know research gave you a couple of blows, but you can't let yourself get down to it. Show them all! You ...” “Thor!", She interrupted him, "I'm tired of all this. The competition, the resentment, the envy, the piracy of ideas and approaches. A shark pool. I am disaffected with it. 20 years ago I thought what unites and inspires all scientists was the search for knowledge, truth and insight. And doing so together. But there is hardly anything in done _together_. When it comes to awards, prizes, research grants or contracts, it's always the case of dog eat dog. Erik'd known forever. He always warned me. I didn't want to believe him.“, Thor pulled her tighter. Dr Erik Selvig was beaten by a second stroke late last year and had left a gap since then. “Erik valued and loved your optimism and belief in science. He was glad you didn't _want_ to believe him. He loved you dearly and enjoyed everything you were and everything you did. He could not have loved an own daughter more. And nobody could have made his last years more comfortable for him than you.” She sobbed softly and let herself be held for a while.  
  
"I don't want to work in research anymore," she said suddenly. Thor took a deep breath and answered cautiously: "I'm sure you won't break that over your knee ... But I am amazed you are only now speaking about it for the first time, although you have already considered it so far.” “I know it must seem strange to you. I...", she bit her lower lip in embarrassment, "I know how proud you are of what I'm doing and how much you wish for me not giving up and convince the world of my convergence theory one day." She took a short break to catch her breath and went on quietly: "Erik had wished so too." He frowned slightly but his arms embraced her even tighter and warmer: "Dearest, only one, wonderful Jane. Erik always only had your happiness in mind, and me? Well, it would sadden me if you didn't know with full conviction, deep in your heart, how much your happiness means to me, how much more than all that.” “My happiness is here. Very close to me and my work does not make me _unhappy_. Believe me, I would have told you - of course I would!” “But?” “I wish for something else. It has become stale and pointless. So many deaf ears. I would like to have open ears to listen to what I have to tell, with enthusiasm and the same love for science and thirst for knowledge as I have got.” Thor had to laugh:  
  
“Another teacher in the family.” Jane jerked up, looking at him in amazement: “What?” “You want to teach, you want to tell me this, don't you? That's what you want.” “Thor...", she breathed, "you ... Yes, that's what I want to do. Working with young people who are not yet bitter and worn out and disenchanted.” “And why do you think me in particular would not understand?” “I don't. It's just ... For over 15 years the convergence has defined my professional life and it's a big step and if for some reason it's scaring you because you think it'll change me, then..." He interrupted her: "Hush, _dearest_. Nothing about you could scare me. I know fear, that's not how I mean it, you know that. But you... you would never do anything to endanger my happiness, our happiness or that of our children. You are the best woman a man can have and the best mother and I love you and trust you and follow your every wish. After all, you're the smarter one.", He laughed at her. "Thor ...", she shook her head with a smile, “you're also smart - your _heart_ is smarter than any other's, darling." He closed his eyes smiling pleased. "Do you want to teach at the college in Tuscon?"  
  
"No, I don't." He heard her grinning widely which made him open one eye. Her face was shining and her prettiest smile, the mischievous one with the puckered nose, caused butterflies in his stomach, as always. “Jane ...?” “I have an offer from Columbia. We're going to New York. Merry Christmas!” Thor was speechless ...  
  
*  
  
"Papa, it looks so _ugly_!" Morgan, eleven and a half years old, was in front of the large mirror in her parents' walk-in closet looking critically at her father's 'work '. Her theater group would premiere their Christmas play next week. They classically did Charles Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol' and Morgan was the Ghost of Christmas Past. Bucky had put together a fantastic gothic steampunk-style costume for her, some of it sewn by himself, with a deep purple brocade bodice and a crinoline made of black lace, worn over purple leggings. She liked the costume and he had artistically teased her hair high up whitening it with powder and done a ghost make-up on her face for an hour. He found her whole look very successful. Morgan disagreed entirely. “I'm looking like a corpse. It's Christmas. Halloween was a week ago.” “Oh, you don't say, I've forgotten ... I must be senile by now.” “Is senile _old?_ " Bucky gave no answer and took a deep breath: "Morgan Buchanan Stark. You are the Ghost of Christmas Past. A _ghost_. What have you imagined a ghost would look like? Like Tesha C?” Tesha C was a hip pop singer and idol of all girls Morgan's age.  
  
“Tesha C was also a ghost in the video for Eternal Love and she looked very pretty. Girls don't want to perform on stage looking ugly. Do you want me to be ugly on stage? You just don't understand anything about girls. Typical.” Bucky clenched his teeth to not lose control. His daughter had found an nasty weapon to get her way: the magic words 'You don't understand anything about girls'. He tried not to be offended. He was convinced that straight men knew not a single thing more about girls and certainly a lot less than he did about fashion, make-up and hairstyles. More and more he got the feeling the enchanting, golden time, having a sweet little girl, _his baby_ , was drawing to a close with giant strides. It was the way things were ... He sighed, "All right, you don't like it. I wipe it off and brush the powder off your hair. In the meantime you tell me what you've thought of.” She flashed him a grateful smile so he couldn't be sulking anymore. He put the styling cape around her shoulders again, armed himself with a brush and de-make-up wipes, getting to work. Too bad. Morgan had been a great Ghost of Christmas Past...  
  
“Of course I have to look like a ghost, but like a pretty ghost! A vampire ghost, maybe.” “Halloween was a week ago” her father snorted. “Very funny, papa. Tesha C has bright red lipstick in Eternal Love and smokey eyes. Can you do smokey eyes on me?” “I _can_ do smokey eyes, but I will _not_ do smokey eyes on _you_. The Ghost of Christmas Past certainly doesn't look like a drug addict 20-year-old trying to be a Cavin-Klein model.” “Papa!" Morgan cried out indignantly, "Tesha C is 17 and does not do drugs and she often has smokey eyes. I think it looks very nice.” “On a 17-year-old it does.” “This is theater! There old people _do_ play young people and vice versa. The Ghost of Christmas Past isn't _eleven_ , papa. Maybe I'd better ask Uncle Loki or MJ for advice.” Bucky ignored the pang he was given from this and uttered a bit disapprovingly: "Uncle Loki is in London and MJ certainly can't do smokey eyes and probably wouldn't tell you otherwise than me on the subject.” Morgan threw up her arms. "Nobody is there when you need help."  
  
Her father took another deep breath, once, twice. Sometimes he was afraid he would hyperventilate, so often he had to take a deep breath. It was _not easy_ with a pre-pubescent child. "Take the costume off and hang it up, please, honey. I'm gonna think about it. I can make up my mind about something else. We still have got time. Think about it a little longer yourself, will you?” The girl of course felt the change in her papa. And she _was_ a good kid (but also good kids hit puberty).“The costume is very nice, papa. You're sewing jobs are awesome everytime.” He smiled at his daughter: “The Thing from Outer Space was _the_ sensation in the neighborhood, wasn't it?” The _Thing from Outer Space_ had been Morgan's Halloween costume - a kind of space cowgirl zombie, based on a comic she was constantly working on. She was very good at drawing and it was one of the few things she could keep her focus on for a long time. "Yes, it was! Totally awesome! Quite creepy and beautifully halloweenish-ugly.", she grinned crookedly. Bucky laughed: “I get it. 'Ugly' is not for Christmas. But not only smokey eyes are pretty.” With that he left her alone so she could change. Maybe it actually was a quite good idea to ask Loki. He had staged countless Christmas plays and especially in Christmas plays there were always innocent-looking female roles. 'Pretty' had to be done without depriving an eleven-year-old of her childhood. Smokey eyes, _tsas ...  
_  
When he told Steve about it that night, Steve laughed at him: " _You_ are very pretty with smokey eyes." “Wrong. I _was_ very pretty with smokey eyes. Do you know how crappy it looks when the black make-up's creeping up the wrinkles?" Steve put his fingertips on Bucky's temple. “I only see laughter and happiness on your face. No wrinkles." His husband rolled his eyes. "Stevie, you flatterer.” “Shall I tell Morgan she's hurting you?” “Nah, nonsense. She's right after all. I don't understand anything about girls. But what man does so anyway?” “I don't know. Me aren't for sure.” “U-huh” “What is that supposed to mean?” “That is supposed to mean you could prove what you understand about _men_ now. Meaning: a certain man. Your man. I need love and comfort. My baby is no longer a baby.” “Poor darling" Steve teased affectionately, "come over here, _non_ -authority on women. Anyway, _you_ do understand a lot of men and I would prefer you to prove it on me than vice-versa." Bucky growled: "Typical, I'll do all the work again.” “You like to do so.”, Steve purred. He was right. (...)  
  
*  
  
“Loki! It's after 2am in London. Has anything happened?” Will was in their studio under the roof. Of course there was no more daylight at that time of day, but they had clever work lights installed for the dark season. He had worked on his art project a lot since Loki was in London for the first of two semesters abroad. He missed him. They were no longer apart than they had been before they had got married, but after nearly three years he was so used to having him around for most of the year. Especially the dark season, those weeks before Christmas, had always been his favorites. Hours and hours in the library, a crackling fire in the fireplace, Christmas-flavored tea or punch sometimes, soft blankets, Loki's arm around his shoulders and his hand on Loki's thigh while reading together. When talking they never ran out of topics, unless they wanted to do something not involving much talk...  
  
“No, I've just wanted ... _yes_ , a little _something_ happened. But I've wanted to hear your voice too. I miss you. “ “I miss you too, dear. A little _something?” “_ There was a massive system crash in the subway and the emergency power generators in the section where my line stopped were faulty. I was stuck for three hours.” “Oh, Loki, I'm so sorry.” He tried to use a comforting and encouraging tone. So this explained the very dejected touch in the beloved voice.

His husband had hardly taken the subway in his entire New Yorker's life and he had only barely endured the school bus and usually only when one of his brothers was with him. But he had been convinced of having learned a lot in the last years, which were characterized by a far more modest lifestyle than before. Loki had had the secure feeling his love for Will and their harmonious marriage had taken corners and edges away from him, healing wounds from his youth and early adulthood. So he had decided to finally challenge himself more, stepping out of his comfort zone, to dare more. In London, where he lived in a small rented apartment, he went shopping - just at one of the now rare mini-markets or a gourmet food store, but it was more than he had done almost all of his life ... Being a young man just moved out, after something happened to him for the third time, he decided to not go do the groceries himself ever again: He had found himself crouching on the floor in a corner of a crowded supermarket with his mother on express dial without being to able to get out a single word. She again had to locate him via GPS.  
  
The looks, which he felt rather than seeing because he kept his head bowed, hurt too much when Pepper Stark pulled him up gently but firmly, his cheeks deep red with shame, determined to be holding back his tears. What he had to listen to, he couldn't avoid as easily: Whispers, suppressed and even quite some loud laughs and not all of them could be silenced by Pepper Stark's angrily flashing eyes. He never called Thor in a situation like that. There were two reasons for this: he wanted to prove his big brother even more than his mother being capable to stand on his own two feet and Thor would certainly not leave it with flashing his eyes angrily and probably get them both in serious trouble. Each time his mother had taken him back to his apartment, she was making him tea and asked him to at least think about an everyday competencies coach. A trained person to give him social training. Finally she understood very well he surely didn't want her, his mother, to do this with him. Not to mention the fact she didn't have enough time for it, as he knew very well. Each time he refused and settled into a life of avoidance, mildly disapproved of but not rebuked by his parents.  
  
To this day, Tony and Pepper Stark – and Thor at that – were not aware Loki's dazzling life and time on Broadway had helped him in many ways, but by no means in everything, to lead a life like everyone else. Only Will had known. The man Loki Stark had been on Broadway, in the theaters, at the parties, at gala events, at private art views or opera balls, he had left him at the cloakroom, so to speak, at the end of his working day, slipping back into his true self. The man who did not do the groceries, did not ride the subway on his own, did not like to look strangers in the eyes, winced at sudden loud noises and got scared at the prospect of openly displayed aggression. And you could think what you liked about the polite, disciplined English; Many of them forgot their good manners in a dim, stuck, stuffy train on the tube and after the first hour, displeasure had turned into open annoyance and desolate insults. Loki on a crowded five-o'clock jubilee line had nowhere to shut himself off to escape the sensory overload beating down on him. His hands pressed to his ears, he rocked his upper body a little back and forth in the narrow space he had available, his eyes tightly closed. With shallow hectic breaths he tried to count how Will had counted with him at times when he rarely had to help him getting over an overload.  
  
When a young woman next to him tapped him and asked: "Do you need help, sir?" He cried out in shock not able to suppress a long whiny whimper. Since that, to make matters worse, he now had the attention of the bystanders, who all shrank away from him the few inches they had available as if he were dangerous ( _psychopath_! he thought he could read in their eyes). He was about to give up again. Subway was canceled from now on, for all eternity. He would only be able to tell Will all this when he was back with him, in the safe haven of their love, his embrace and his understanding. But Will didn't need any details. Loki's dejected voice, the fact he called at this time, the suppressed, but for him, attentive as he was, audible shattered sighs. All of this told him it must have been quite bad. "I should have gone to London with you." "Will ... I'm 37 and you are not my mother and even less my carer.", Loki sounded gruff but his husband knew it was a tone often used against himself. Obviously he did so now. “I know that very well. And rest assured: If I were with you now, I would certainly not behave like your mother or a carer.” “I'm sorry, I...” “You don't have to be. I am not mad at you. I only wish I were with you right now.” “Me too.”, Loki sighed.  
  
"Darling," Will lowered his voice to a warm, pleasant rumble, "Don't do anything rash." "Like, for example?" "For example, exmatriculating to flee into my arms. You'd feel like going down with flying colors." The soft laugh he got in response sounded more relaxed, Will smiled when he heard it. “And I've thought it was the place where you would love the most to have me. Tired of mine already, love?” He teased. "Is your coquetry self-defense?" "You know me so well.", after a small silence he whispered: "I feel so defeated." "Loki ... 'Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it by yourself. It is not far. It is within reach. Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know. Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.'” “You and Walt Whitman. How glad I am this man's not living at the same time as us. I wouldn't have stood a chance with you against him.” “Ah, don't say that. Whitman's lines in your beloved by me voice, nothing could have stood against that, nothing can. Not against you, you know, love."  
  
“I don't intend to do anything rash.”, Loki said suddenly, “I'm no longer a child to crawl back into their mother's lap after a defeat. ' _There are days that must happen to you._ _'_ ” “You and Whitman, what could be more beautiful for me?” “You tell me, William. Is there anything more beautiful?” “The most beautiful to experience is you celebrating a success - and be it against yourself, darling. Only some few more days and we are back together. You can recharge your batteries. You can do it. Everything you set out to do. I am sure of it. The pace doesn't matter.” “Not even if it'll separate me from you longer than you've expected?” “Loki. People have been waiting for redemption from earthly suffering for thousands of years. Being far from you causes me pain, but I would rather get you back later than earlier, but safe and triumphant, not defeated and finished.” William could identify the stifled noise at the other end of the line as a happy little sob.  
  
"You are the best of all spouses, William Harrington, and I love you more than I can say - more than even your beloved Walt 'Oh Captain, my Captain' Whitman could have." Will chuckled. “I don't know whom I like better; _you_ , jealous or _you_ , flirtatious.” “Well, I know whom you like best,” he made an artful pause. "Loki ...", smiled his husband, "be good." "Me, _naughty_." "Too late," Will theatrically sighed, "when we've been ever the poetics. Don't reduce myself to my most libidinal self.” “'Can one desire too much of a good thing?'” “What my Whitman is is your Shakespeare and you are but vain.” “Well why now?” Will sighed: “You're right after all. I admit the naughty you is high in my favor.” “I know. You'll have him back soon.” “I'm delighted, but you know I love and appreciate each one of you.” “Yes, you do, my poor love. Good night, Will.” It came abrupt, but he was used to it. An episode like the one Loki had found himself on the subway usually exhausted him to an extend and sometimes suddenly knocked him off his feet. "Sleep well. Leave the tube be tube until Christmas and come back home to me whole and safe.” “I promise.” In the morning, Will found an e-mail Loki had sent, according to the time stamp, at six o'clock London time:  
  
“ _Dearest libidinal you! I'll hire a trained person getting me on track with everyday tasks for the next semester. After all, no one in London knows the man in his 30s who needs to be taught tube travel is Loki Harrington-Stark. Maybe at the end of it I'll even dare to go to Tesco. I won't give up so quickly. I'm better than that. Made by you. I love you and I am yours, although very soon, your flirtatious, frivolous and naughty me. L._ “ Will had to laugh and cry a little at the same time. He was so proud of him ...  
  
*

Peter and MJ were at dinner in their apartment. MJ had tried one of her 'success ambassador's Creole recipes and it worked out pretty well. Nevertheless, she was brooding, seemed somewhat depressed. Peter quickly became aware of her lack of talk and looked at her carefully. "What's going on, Sweetheart?" She snorted: "The job exchange bureau only suggested candidates without training again." "For the Nursery School?", Peter made sure. "Yes! Again and again they're hinting educators and teachers have scruples about teaching classes who - let's just say - come from a certain background.” “That's outrageous.” “Yes, isn't it? Of course there were also some nasty and loud children in my neighborhood, but most of them were well-raised, well-behaved children of simple but good people. I saw completely different kids at our posh high school. If I only think of Flash!” “He wasn't that bad. I felt sorry for him.” MJ looked at him with wide eyes. Eugene 'Flash' Thompson could have easily been called Peter's archenemy at Sanctuary High. The vain offspring of an old New York nobility family had never missed an opportunity to ridicule Peter and make fun of him. Her boyfriend shrugged.  
  
“I think he was very lonely. Do you remember when we were on a study trip to Europe?” MJ nodded, laughing: “Of course, it's been less than ten years ago and I don't have that a bad memory.” He joined her in laughing. “I mean the return, at the airport. Flash was the only one who was picked up by the family's chauffeur and not by a parent.” MJ frowned. “I didn't notice.” “But I happened to be nearby and heard him ask: 'Mother's not got time again?' and the chauffeur just shook his head sympathetically. Flash tried to look brave, but he seemed sad. I felt sorry for him.” She stared at him speechlessly before shaking her head and said: “You are the nicest person in the world. He was always such an asshole when it came to you!” He shrugged. “But I knew he was to pity while I was so lucky. But now tell me about the job exchange bureau.” “I don't want any unqualified workers in childcare for my students. The education of their children mustn't be ill-fated either. It's important from the very start. Hiring school dropouts and ex-convicts for this contradicts my college's philosophy. I have enough jobs for people like them, in housekeeping or on campus in the caretaker team. There they can even learn something useful in advanced classes. In any case, it makes more sense than self-marketing or interview training or whatever else the unemployment authority sees as an opportunity for a career start." Peter gave a thoughtful nod.  
  
“I see ...” he said slowly, “what if you try to recruit in person? Young graduates in education programs who are still idealistic. You could hire them fresh from college or search career changers like Thor. We'll ask him at Christmas if he can help us with motivational letters or clips.” Nobody in the family, not even Loki, knew about the imminent return of one of their family branches to New York. It ought to be a Christmas surprise. And of course Peter and MJ had no idea what a great kindergarten teacher and ... yes, _magnet_ they would get for childcare at MJ's college. “Better be clips.”, MJ grinned, “This'll make a lot of women get on board. I mean, your handsome brother, lighting up his beaming smile while asking for chances and support for the dear little ones.” Peter laughed in agreement. "Good point. Steve is very persuasive too. Send him to a couple of those 'Graduated; Now What?' - events!" She beamed at him, "That's a great idea, both ideas are awesome. How lucky am I to have such a brightie by my side?” Peter sniffed, it sounded almost like his father's trademark. “The brightie by your side has a weakness for your beautiful chocolate eyes. Among other things.” He smiled seductively. “Peter Benjamin Stark. Dinner will be finished first. I've been cooking for two hours." (…)

The night was still young and the couple got up again. After a quick shower they went for long walk through decorated for Christmas streets and along the river. Chatting animatedly, they tinkered with the clips in their heads so they would be able to present properly prepared material. Steve could safely be left alone to make his own speeches. He _was_ great at it. Peter pulled out his phone to take a picture of his girlfriend on the river bank. He discovered he had missed a message from Morgan. No, not one, _three_. "Oh dear," he said, "the Ghost of Christmas Past is displeased." MJ laughed: "When is the premiere?" “Day after tomorrow. _Everyone's_ coming, she writes. Oh", he made an amazed pause, “Bucky's parents will even be there.” “Do _you_ know Mr. and Mrs. Barnes?” “ _Major_ and Mrs. Barnes. Hardly, but Bucky's father attaches great importance to his rank, I know that much.” “Isn't it strange we do not know them, or only barely? Your family is such a conspiratorial bunch. They have to be quite different.” “Bucky's never talking about his parents. They must have a terrible relationship.” “You can be glad for him to have Steve and a family in all of you. If my mom was like that, it would give me some comfort.” “I'm convinced Bucky thinks along this lines. Finally"  
  
“Mom is really looking forward to running the care unit. I'm so happy for her. And I can't wait to finally open my college." Her eyes shone. Peter smiled warmly at her: “I know, baby. Have you already decided on its name?” “Not all definite yet, no.” She smirked mischievously at him. The possible names for her heart project, her model college, was her best-kept secret and she was always vigilant, not allowing the slightest clue to be drawn out of her. “Keep your secrets. I am a patient person.” “ _You aren't!_ If you only knew what I've got for you for Christmas!” She laughed. “You're so mean.” “But not all the time. Come here and kiss me.” “My pleasure.” They kissed. For a long time, and when they broke apart, powdery snowflakes were dancing around them. "Pete", MJ cheered and he looked happily at the sky, but only briefly. His gaze soon again found the pretty features of his girlfriend, the greatest woman in the world. He secretly sighed. _Peter Stark, you are a very lucky guy ..._ Michelle 'MJ' Jones was thinking something quite similar: _I'm the luckiest bitch in the world ..._ She had to giggle. "What is it?" "Oh nothing, kiss me again. Let's get some punch on our way home, after." "Always at your service, ma'am."


	148. An Online Romance - Will's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is going to end soon, I'll throw in 'outtakes' from now on. Thematically random, chronologically too. All are provided with a picture. I hope you'll enjoy!

Outtake I: **An Online Romance - Will's POV**

  
  
William Arthur Harrington, who had had peaceful, but nevertheless very busy Christmas days, logged into his favorite literary forum shortly before the turn of the years 34/35. It was strictly moderated and 'chatterboxes' writing inconsequential small talk in the threads were mercilessly sorted out. One wished to have a discussion here. About literature. You could share your favorite food and the like privately if you liked to. He loved the anonymity. Often you didn't know anything about each other, so it could be you discussed the greatest works in world literature with the lady from behind the counter of the post office of whom you of course didn't know her favorite hobby was reading. Or with a celebrity. Maybe with enthusiastic high school kids. Everything was possible and it gave the conversations a certain spice, not knowing whether the perspective of the user had an educated, perhaps even professional background or was that of a layperson. Refreshing for a linguist like him, who was always met with largely professional opinions from countless people in his field.  
  
He was amazed when he found a thread on Bronte's Jane Eyre in the New Threads section. Title: 'Unpopular Opinion on a Beloved Nanny'. Since this novel has always been discussed, that was not that surprising, but more than 300 were given to it in a short time (just a couple of days). That _was_ amazing! Curious, he opened the thread. Starter was a user named Laufeyson. Will found that interesting. For professional reasons he was of course informed about the Edda, the great work of Nordic-Germanic mythology. The son of Laufey, wife of a giant, called Loki, was the god of the mischief and cunning. Flattering his ways into the circle of the mighty Asgardian gods, he soon made his mischief with them. And user Laufeyson obviously seemed cut from the same cloth. The provocative question 'A differentiated view of a virtuous sufferer: does anyone else find the paragon of virtue just as abhorrent as I do?' God only knew, this _was_ a way to unleash a storm of rejection. Novels like Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, or Pride and Prejudice were always the golden calf in a literary forum. He read in for a while. Dozens of expected opinions later, the discussion starter responded to a deliberately insulting user; SecretBronteSister, who'd answered their thread with: 'You, Laufeyson, I imagine as following: male, white, privileged. This is the only way to explain your aversion to a feminist woman with a solid personality. I am sincerely sorry for your wife, presumably fooled with fine words and wealth into a marriage with a misogynist.'  
  
Their answer caught Will's interest even more. 'With all due respect, _sister_ , with what little you know about me, namely nothing, your imagination's wandering surprisingly fast to an apparently well-groomed enemy image. I can assure you, however, the kind of person you see in me arouses the same contempt in me as it does in you. But, would you be interested in a more nuanced discussion of the thread's topic, or would you like to keep offending someone who, for all you know, might as well be a kindred spirit in the body of a Hispanic lesbian?' User SecretBronteSister did not answer any more. Will read on. Laufeyson always met the few serious discussion approaches with respect, courtesy, interest in lively exchange and with an elegant way of words making his linguist's heart beat faster. Will didn't feel like throwing himself into battle. He agreed exactly with the discussion starter, but when he looked at the long list of contributions on their (non-revealing) profile and found many of them in discussion threads about some of his own most highly regarded works in world literature, he pounced on them. How come the user had never even been noticed by him? He immersed himself in the literary views of user Laufeyson for a couple of hours. In the end, he sent them a private message ...  
  
Once more he cursed his indecision when he noticed he had new text messages late that evening. The app was installed on his phone, but he kept failing to set it up on his laptop. So it had happened he had not only forgotten his date with Gregory, blowing him off. He had not reacted to several messages for hours. He went cold as stone. Liz had spoken strictly to his conscience on Christmas Eve – regarding said Gregory.

(He and his good friend had enjoyed a long dinner in her tasteful but cozy living room, which had been decorated for Christmas by her housekeeper. "So, Will. Are you finally taking the next step?" He looked at her carefully. "Where would that go?” “Ask Gregory if he wants to move in with you. You are 35. You won't any more often find a supposed piece of coal turning out to be a jewel while dating.” “Well, listen, what a terribly old age is 35? Thank you, too. You are even older than me.” “I don’t like to spend the rest of my life with the same person reading old books in front of the fireplace, as you very well know.” “Gregory isn't reading at all." That was true. Gregory was a persistent patrol officer of the Winnipeg City Police, whom Will had wanted to sort out as 'no match' in his dating app, when the man, about ten years his junior, had texted him. The young man with a weakness for curly hair and soulful dark eyes (that's what he had called Will's), hadn't given up. Although Will didn't see much point in a try - they had no common interests - he gave in after all. It was just his way, as he admitted: to give in. Well, William was just a man in the end and the tall, well-trained young cop with the bright smile was too cute. He was cuddly, full of admiration for Will's education, and quite enthusiastic in the bedroom. He let the relationship, which would lead to none of what he wished for, run for now.  
  
“The sweetie's love-struck eyes and the way he's drooling over you, I can imagine even you might put your beloved books down. You can do different things with each other than reading, William.” “But you can't build a serious relationship on sex, Liz. We have nothing else in common...” “Most people would be satisfied if they had at least that in common. Don't be so smug and picky. You've been lonely for so long. It will most certainly not happen in a magical way that a bookworm with polished language is teleporting himself into your living room.")  
  
Well, no one had actually teleported into his living room, but the instant fascination the user Laufeyson had aroused in him made him believe one thing: Out there, somewhere in the world, connected only via an anonymous forum to him, William Harrington, the man of his dreams existed. Of course, it was dangerous to assume a man, even with a username implying it. It was striking how cautiously this person expressed themself. None of their personal formulations revealed what gender they might be. There wasn't much else to be found about a few key data. Strictly speaking, nothing more than the very imprecise place of residence 'North American continent' (probably). Well, at least the same continent like himself!  
  
Gregory's texts ranged from a humorous remark about 'his absent-minded professor' to 'isn't nice to sit here alone at a table set for two' and 'Has something happened? Please get in touch, baby!' to 'Fuck off, William. Thanks for a shitty evening alone in a romantic restaurant'. Well, _crap_. He immediately tried to call Gregory, though he hadn't the faintest idea what to give as an apology. Voice box. Of course. He made a lame explanation with fictitious technical problems on his WiFi signal and sent a nice text with affectionate assurances of his regrets. After, he immersed himself again in the fascinating contributions of Laufeyson, not without a guilty conscience. He felt closer to this complete stranger than to the man he'd been sleeping with for a couple of weeks. He missed the fact he had received a reply to his private message because he had not activated the alert. When after midnight he closed all threads, '1 new message' was lit up in his mailbox. With a pounding heart, he opened it. _Laufeyson!_  
  
Will stared at the reply to his brief message ('The 'paragon of virtue' has fairly low standards when choosing a spouse'.). It had at least 600 to 800 words! He had an eye for it, because of his job. The introduction itself testified to linguistic skill, eloquence and high level of education, without leaving the impression of a professional writer.

" _What might be the intent behind the secrecy of your interest in the passionately debated subject, Gynander? Your username at least is telling me I am not dealing with another angry secret relative of the esteemed Bronte sisters. Or is there a possibility that it will? Then you obviously do not share the vehemence of your clan to have to defend the important role of a nanny for modern feminism. In any case, I haven't been able to find you in the hottest topic since the sequel to 'Lamentations in Darkmoore Gardens'. By the way, not there either, which makes it easier for me. Your request to discuss my opinion with me privately is not tarnished by a trace of fear on my part. Some of your contributions on various topics find my extraordinary benevolence. Which unfortunately still doesn't help me to interpret the intention behind a publicly unnoticed approach._ "  
  
_Blimey._ The language of the chat partner required concentration while reading and it was already late. After marking the message as unread he went to sleep. The tingling in his stomach stayed ... Laufeyson had also been curious about his thread comments!  
  
After repeating the flubbed dinner date in a romantic restaurant, Will was almost a little proud of himself for having a talk with Gregory before a promising trip to the bedroom. He told him he believed they were going nowhere. The young man was sad but not destroyed. The dating pool for men in their twenties was still well filled. Excitedly he logged into the forum and read the long answer to his miserable twelve words. He wouldn't be able to swear on it later, but believed the rest of his life he had already fallen in love then. But he'd rather not tell Liz. She would be pissed off anyway because he had broken up with Gregory.  
  
(" _... I am of course aware of what a great woman Jane Eyre is, of noble character, looking for recognition of her intelligence and self-determination. But why on earth is she chasing a voice in the fog, giving up her independence and fulfillment as a working, valued woman; to become the wife of the hideous Rochester? All character formation in vain. In the end, the virtuous girl from poor background is getting married to a man with a character most questionable, but the richest one she can get. Pathetic. And not a bit of that flagship for feminism, which she is made into. I praise Jane Austen on this: Her humorous blink of an eye with which Elizabeth Benett finally is getting aware of the excellent character of the owner of the stately country estate Pemberly, surrounded by Fitzwilliam Darcy's wealth. It meets with my approval. Austen at least had the decency not to make superhumans out of her characters. Well, Gynander, what was the intention behind your secret contact? Kindly, L._ ")  
  
Will smiled and formulated his answer a long time before he sent it off. This resulted in a lively exchange about the characters of Jane Austen's, whom they both loved. Will was delighted about Laufeyson having the same understanding of Jane Bennett's and Charles Bingley's hesitant approach and the quick buckling of being influenced by their sister and best friend:  
  
“ _What would be fair to expect from two hopelessly romantic but shy and not very self-confident people like the naive Charles and the thoroughly good-hearted Jane? I have always understood these two characters in Pride and Prejudice much better than Elizabeth and Mr Darcy. But maybe that's because though I don't exactly detest both pride or prejudice, but am met with a high suspicion. What is a person to believe they can be proud just because of their ancestry? And prejudice has already destroyed many human lives. But both of them belong to society. The pursuit of beauty (Mr Darcy) and prosperity (Elizabeth Bennett) and nothing is further from me than to despise humanity._ "

“ _True to say, Laufeyson. I would like to expand on one of your contributions on Lawrence's 'Sons and Lovers'. Your very interesting view on Sigmund Freud had me thinking..._ “ In this matter, the users Laufeyson and Gynander were sneaking around each other for months ... Nobody ever sent: 'Tell me something about yourself!' or 'What do you do for a living? ' or even 'Are you with someone?'. Loki didn't, because he didn't even think about it for a long time and when he did start to think about it, he refused mere curiosity in favor of valuable friendship. Will was careful not to misinterpret too much in what was recently making his days. Would he know more, have even confirmed what he suspected, namely that Laufeyson was actually a man, single, of suitable age and of a somewhat floating sexuality (which suggested sporadic remarks about the attraction of literary figures or objects in arts of both sexes), romantic as he was, he would only rashly raise his hopes. Or, even worse: destroy with his typical awkwardness what currently was the best thing in his life ...  
  
The good mood after one of the rare afternoons in his professional life, when not a single student essay to be corrected had been terrible, had made him wanton and he sent Laufeyson a teasing apology for having done a trick on him. It was April 1st. When else could you do something like that and apologize after if you made an idiot of yourself? He and Laufeyson had already started some time ago not only to send each other mail-type emails, but also met regularly to be chatting live at set times.  
  
“ _What do you think of the concept of absolution?” “Well, I think we can only forgive ourselves for actions burdening us. Can one give oneself absolution?” “When I look at it that way, it's a comforting thought. I give myself absolution.” “What did you do wrong?” “I lied.” “Statistically speaking, people lie all day long. Have you lied to get personal gain, or to avoid hurting someone - the noblest reason to lie - or to impress someone who is important to whatever part of your life?”_ With that Laufeyson had set up the following: _“I actually wanted to impress someone.” “With flattery? Always effective with vain people.” “It was you. I wanted to impress you.” “Oh. Does that mean you don't own a special edition of every novel - even the unpopular ones – of Faulkner's? Disappointing. But I would call that as showing off rather than flattery.” “That? No, that was true. I can send you a picture.” “I believe you without.”_ Will felt a twinge of disappointment. He would give a lot if Laufeyson sent him a picture from their home - even if it was just a small section of a bookshelf. _“But please tell me: what was supposed to impress me? And why did you want it enough to be insincere?”_ Had this been a little flirtatious? ...nah, he was kidding himself ...  
  
“ _Your discussion of Jane Eyre made me want to read your other posts, and those had piqued my interest enough to want to spark yours, too. And although I feel a certain likeness, even sympathy for the little nanny, I sent you an opportunistic private message.” “Perfidious. I would have been open to a neat discussion of various views. Affronting, your research of my entries did not give you this impression. If I think about it right, your lack of foresight deserves an immediate blocking of the user Gynander from my side. Too bad, however, that I don't want to be without this lying, perfidious, insidious Gynander anymore. A dilemma._ ” Will's heart skipped a beat. That _was_ flirting! Or...? He took heart. " _Perhaps you can think of some other appropriate measure to correct my unfortunate behavior._ " Will was well aware this was a daring venture into ambiguity, but he still felt inspired by the date - April 1st, the day of pranks. Laufeyson kept him waiting for his answer. Will waited breathlessly and was sent a link. “ _For your edification. Take a look at your esteemed nanny. In my eyes an appropriate punishment._ ” When Will opened the link, he laughed out loud. He knew what it was: a dreadful film adaptation of Jane Eyre.

A long night full of banter and delicate innuendos followed and when Laufeyson revealed it was their birthday today, Will was in heaven! It was the first time they let him know something so personal. He thanked it by not asking any more questions and simply enjoyed the closeness and time Laufeyson shared with him on their birthday ...  
  
The (no doubt downright erotic) chat night was followed by a days long radio silence on the part of Laufeyson. Will racked his brains on how to approach, return to the earlier tone of their chats to get back the best thing that had ever happened in his life. Apparently, the morning after, Laufeyson's disenchantment had come. Did them find abnormal what had happened? Had them got paranoid about revealing their birthday? What could it be? Out of the blue - William was just about to formulate an email to Laufeyson again - one of theirs came in.  
  
" _Are you in a playful mood? I imagine it to be interesting to communicate for a certain time - let's say a month - only by means of quotations. Rules: Only one, namely not to cheat. What we're sending each other must not be insincere. So if you send me a monologue claiming you've crossed the Rubicom, I'll be suspicious, Nan. Precisely because you turned out to be an evil fabulist, honestly again, perfidious. But as bravely as you have met your punishment, you will surely accept my challenge?_ "  
  
His heart was beating up to his neck, literally rejoicing! That was clearly still flirting. And Laufeyson had given him a nickname! It never occurred to Will to blame himself for how eagerly he reached for breadcrumbs, tiny little things that would - if at all - make other people only smile tiredly. There was a reason why he hadn't given Liz a single word about falling in love online. Because that's exactly what happened here: He was falling in love! Liz would have sent him to a psychiatrist! She still hadn't quite forgiven him the episode with Gregory. His fingers trembled, he had to correct a relatively short answer several times.  
  
" _Ludi incipiant_. (let the games commence)" Will vowed, grateful about Laufeyson's return, not to go suggestive again and looked forward to an exciting time. Intellectually demanding, the game proposed by Laufeyson, and it promised fun and excitement. Where was this person ( _man?_ Oh, please God let them be a man!)? This person couldn't just exist on the other end of a high-speed internet connection! They had to lead a life. Breathing, eating, sleeping and doing a job (this implied the regularity of their interactions). Was them going to get the same out of this? Feel the same? (Falling in love too?) Were the conversations with Will of the same (possibly exaggerated) significance for them as they were for himself? And how long did he have to wait after the bad feeling the morning of April 2nd had given him? When was he allowed to dare to hint again? Questions upon questions!  
  
Loki's first quote (from a person with an avowedly flowing sexuality (!), namely Oscar Wilde) came almost immediately: “ _The value of an idea has nothing to do with the truthfulness of the person who's expressing it. It is even likely to believe: the more insincere a person, the more spiritual an idea._ "

What gave Will food for thought. Did that mean Laufeyson was mad at him for his prank or did them rather indicate they had enjoyed Will's little trick? And (most importantly), did them like the idea his prank came from the idea of attracting their attention in a new way? It was still dangerous to assume Laufeyson _was_ in fact a man, Will was well aware of that. Should it turn out them was a widow in her 50s, with three children, he still wanted to remember their time together - it gave him so much joy and - yes, excitement. He felt like being 20 again!  
  
Another time Laufeyson wrote: “ _When I was a boy of fourteen, my_ _father_ _was so ignorant. I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years._ ” (Mark Twain) Again he (?) plunged him into deep brooding. Over 21, obviously - _phew_ , good. Conflict with their father? More of a problem men were having (at least he thought so).  
  
Again from Mark Twain he got some days later: “ _To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. Once you know what is important, you stop being talkative._ ” (The latter by Goethe) Apparently Laufeyson had to do with competence disputes and decided to remain silent when in doubt. He understood them better every day. This 'game' was fascinating. Especially because the absurdity behind it didn't prevent the two of them from sharing things about their lives touching them. They ticked so amazingly similar. It couldn't be a coincidence! Was it fate?  
  
At the end of the entertaining month, Will sent: " _All’s well that ends well_ _._ " (Shakespeare) The answer came promptly. “ _Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day: / It was the nightingale, and not the lark, / That pierc'd the fearful hollow of thine ear; / Nightly she sings on yon pomegranate tree._ ” A quote from Romeo and Juliet! Will thought he was going to be hyperventilating any moment, he was so excited. He forced himself to take a deep breath. _Yeah, don't overreact._ He thought for a little while and decided: " _You have to stop being eaten when you taste the best._ " (Nietzsche) Just enough humor, just a touch of ambiguity and no overinterpretation of the use of the most famous love story in the world (although Laufeyson ended the quote before it would have spoken of love). " _Well, Nan, then I'll pretend to be satiated and claim victory in this game for myself._ " “ _Impertinent! I've sent the last quote!” “True, but it was speaking of all ends. You wanted to give up, admit it.” “You, son of Laufey, twisting the truth as usual. But: One has to be able to give in. If it means so much to you, you may be the winner._ "  
  
“ _That increases my pleasure in the matter, indeed. You were a worthy opponent, dear Nan._ ” William smiled happily. Laufeyson's tone had not returned to its cool neutrality prior to April 1st. It looked like he'd just wanted to shift down a gear. Well, that was fine with him. Whatever his mysterious, fascinating chat partner felt comfortable with. If only them never stopped wanting to have Will in their life - in whatever way! “I _also enjoyed it. Still: how is the weather where you are? What did you have for breakfast and what are you reading?_ ” They quickly found their way back into their routine. Chats, e-mails and book recommendations via links flew back and forth between Winnipeg and New York. In early July 2035, Laufeyson sent him a riddle:  
  
_“I'm packing my suitcase, taking with me: sunscreen, a cowboy hat, a patchwork blanket, a stellar map, a Spanish dictionary, even more sunscreen, an electric blanket (?). Where am I going?” “Not to Spain at least. You don't need a cowboy hat in Spain. The large amount of both sunscreen and blankets suggests a climate that is hot during the day and cold at night, desert or desert-like. Spanish is ubiquitous, obviously. I have to consider the stellar map ... Arizona?” “You must have been cheating.” “Have a good trip, Lauf!”_ He found himself very brave to have finally given them a nickname - and one so fitting at that!  
  
  
Loki later told Will how impressed he was 'Nan' had solved his puzzle so quickly. He packed his suitcase to visit Thor, Jane and Erik in Tuscon with his mother. They went there to furnish their first 'real' apartment. The rest was history ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! This was a great day for me, waking up to the whole bunch of new Marvel content. I'm thankful.
> 
> Anyone in the mood to make my day even more? It has become a bit lonely in here lately. Leave a little love for me or at least some kind words. I'd be again thankful. ;-)


	149.  A very Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture at the end. Enjoy!

**A very Merry Christmas  
**  
  
"I'm delighted, darling. Tomorrow at this time we will all be together again.", Pepper Stark leaned her head against her husband's shoulder. They'd had a simple dinner of mashed potatoes and roast beef, after they'd pushed one of the smaller couches in front of the fireplace, where the couple were drinking champagne with photo albums scattered around them, the chronicle of 44 years together. The scrapbook Thor had given his mother for Christmas 2016, Peter's year of birth, lay open on her lap. "Look at this: your face!" She laughed. The photo showed Steve in the foreground practicing the trumpet, and behind him on the left you could see Loki lying on his stomach, a book in front of him on the carpet, covering his ears. Tony had an apparently very distraught Peter, three weeks old, in his arms and looked like the most unhappy soul on God's earth. The caption in Thor's large round handwriting said very aptly: 'Heavenly sounds for a merry season'. Tony laughed softly, “I wiped that hour out of my mind. Can't even remember which was worse: Pete's roar or Steve's trumpet playing.” “I remember Peter's lung forces very well. Even if you didn't want to hear that back then, in comparison Steve's trumpet playing was almost music.” “Which one could have expected from trumpet playing.” “He had good days.” “Two in total”, Tony said dryly, “and this one in the picture was not one of them."  
  
“This was 27 years ago... How time has passed.” “I think our colorful life just made it appear that way. We've been through a lot.” “And most of it was good.” “More than good, honey. Thank you for 44 wonderful years.” “You had a major part in making them wonderful, darling.” Pepper said warmly. He kissed her on the temple. "Give me the album from Steve's wedding again." She stretched out beside her to get what he wanted, handed it to him. "Just look how good you and Steve look together." It was a picture of the parent-child dance. She giggled: "You and Bucky, who didn't know where to look for quite some time, weren't bad either." "I made an excellent groom mother." "I can't think of much that you haven't mastered excellently." Tony growled, “I do.” “Don't be so hard on yourself. On the whole, nothing could have got along any better.” “You're right. We haven't done bad.” “Not bad at all.” They clinked glasses again. "Are you disappointed hardly anyone will be in town by your 70th?"  
  
Pepper Stark's 70th birthday was in two and a half months. With Loki in London, his husband in Canada, Thor and Jane in Tuscon, MJ at an extensive educational workshop in Washington, Jim and his husband on the 90th birthday of Hogun's father in Japan, Natasha, who for a long time had never left Pittsburgh as she didn't move away from her husband's bedside... Only Steve, Bucky, Morgan and Peter would be there. "No, I'm not", she sighed only a little sadly, "Celebrating your 70th birthday is not the purest joy for a woman anyway." "Pep ...", he looked into her eyes, "I love and adore you no less than I've been doing for the past 44 years. You're the most wonderful woman in the world and I'm a goddamn lucky guy.” “Well, I didn't hit it badly either, Anthony Edward Stark.”, she smirked. They were kissing a little. “I'm much more pleased we will all be traveling to Arizona for Thor's 40th. It's going to be one hell of a party!” Tony squeezed her hand in silence. Each of Thor's birthdays now was a special cause to celebrate ... But it was Christmas Eve and no time for gloomy thoughts. He changed the subject: "You actually don't want a Christmas present this year, honey?"  
  
"I am perfectly happy. But presents from you have always been a blast. So, let me have another one.” He got up, went to a sideboard to take out a small, nicely wrapped box. The ominous-looking matt black sphere the size of a plum inside did not tell in the slightest what it would reveal. He gave her a StarkPad. There was an icon on the start screen she didn't recognize, so she tapped it curiously. The sphere in her hand vibrated and shortly thereafter produced a three-dimensional image of a mini-city around her. She looked around in amazement, nothing familiar caught her eye. When she focused on an office building, the Stark Industries company logo appeared on the roof. Pepper held out her hand to touch it, the symbol lit up briefly and the image around her changed. "You have to keep the sphere with you, honey," Tony whispered. They now 'were' on the executive floor, in the anteroom of the chief CEO's office, her workplace for years. Amazed, she got up, the small orb firmly in her left hand, went to her old desk and pressed the imaginary intercom. She was shocked when a man's voice was heard (Tony's voice): "Yes, Miss Potts?" She lowered the hand with the ominous object and carefully placed it on a table. The image around her collapsed.  
  
"What _is_ it, Tony?" She asked, amazed. “I lovingly named it StarkMemoryLane. It won't go into production. The technology is priceless from an economic point of view. If I add up the hours worked by an experienced engineer - _moi -_ I get to an estimated wage of 2 million.” She looked at him speechless. “There is also the material value of the sphere, roughly 753,000.” “But ... what _is_ it?” He took a deep breath: “Our life together. A photo album to visit. I've been working on it for over 25 years. I'll save the technical details for Peter and Bucky until tomorrow. 25 years ago I developed a code which allows you to interact with your environment in a 3D simulation without any tools such as gauntlets. What I've been missing for a long time is the Benjaminium, the element ... "She interrupted him," ... Peter had created for faster transmission of neuropsychic signals.” “Exactly. Of course, Peter only has the most altruistic plans for the Benjaminium. I, however, am a vain ninny who uses it to impress my beloved wife.” She shook her head in amusement. “What do I find when I go to your old office?” “Me. In my glory as SI CEO, 30 years old, in love and still a bit stupid, but quite cute. I _was_ cute, wasn't I? "  
  
Pepper laughed: “You _are_ cute, always have been. But how is that possible? How did you do it, you hell of a guy?” “For over 20 years I've been feeding the software with hundreds of thousands of images, video clips and data for all possible scenarios and actions of the people in the simulation who are: Both of us, dearest, our offspring and their loved ones, as well as our wonderful grandchildren. Some close friends are also there. You can even take a vacation: to a farm in Montana or a palace in Wakanda. Queen Shuri was kind enough to send me material.” “And ... I can go back to any point of time in our life together?” Her voice trembled with awe. "Yep. And experience it again, alone or with me. You can have some coffee on the Champs-Élysées with Loki, or watch yourselves karting with Thor... the possibilities are almost unlimited. Jarvis helped me a little so the good piece of little software can be learning. Let yourself be surprised." Pepper breathed: "Little software ... You are creepy, Tony Stark, downright creepy. You're the damned greatest genius of all time." He grinned: "After Da Vinci.” “25 years...", she pondered deep in thought." "I have been looking forward to giving it to you for just as long. My heart's delight..."  
  
Pepper sank into his arms, kissed him, suppressing some tears. After she plunged into their eventful, wonderful past for hours, together with her husband. _The best ..._  
  
*  
  
Jane, Thor and their kids traveled to New York early on December 25th, comfortably in first class. They were warmly welcomed at both Stark Manor and at Loki's and Will's. As they knew, Loki had not been expected back from Europe until late on the 23rd and the Harringtons would have their third wedding anniversary on Christmas Day. So they had decided to stay with Thor's parents this time. The day before, the whole family put the finishing touches on the grandparents' Christmas present: A large-format photo collage with a panorama picture of New York in the background and a family of five with all kinds of boxes and suitcases around them. It looked like they were just moving into a house. A banner adorned the artwork. It read: “Welcome back to New York City!” Everyone would be amazed! The big surprise hadn't leaked out ... Arrived at Stark Manor, there was a big hello. Peter and MJ, who had spent Christmas Eve with Mrs. Jones, were already there, as were Loki and Will, the former a little jet-lagged, but looking pleased in his calm manner. However, he was completely the same with a comment about the Barnes-Starks : “Who is more likely to linger in front of the closet for so long, Lady Morgan or Mister Car Repair Shop 2043?” “Loki ... don't be so mean.” “You're right, according to all we know, the house could also be flooded because Steve forgot to clear the drains from a massive amount of hair.” “Has London sharpened your tongue any more, brother?” Thor laughed.  
  
“All prejudice - that British humor. In everyday life it leaves the most stoic Londoner faster than you'd think." Will secretly squeezed his hand. What his husband had told him about his adventures during his 'mission' to be a person with a completely normal everyday life defied description. William was almost ashamed of his compatriots. He never remembered London as rowdy. But it was more than 20 years ago since he had lived there himself. The world had just become a rougher one and in sleepy Winnipeg this hadn't really caught on yet.  
  
*  
  
Both had given or attended their last lectures on the 23rd. Everyone took a flight in the evening and because Loki was ahead of local time, he arrived at JFK only an hour after Will. His husband, of course, had been waiting for him. After a stroll through the shops, he made his way to the gate on time and with a pounding heart he fixed his eyes on the passage which would soon spit out those arriving from Europe and his badly missed, beloved one.. Loki was even one of the first to come out. So he had gone by first class - good. Long-term flights stressed him anyway, and even more when he was traveling economy. His eyes searched the crowd of people waiting and when he saw William a tired but happy smile lit his features. They had been separated for almost four months ...  
  
Loki had thinned a bit, his cheekbones were more prominent, almost like when he first met him eight years ago. The shadow of a beard, a steep crease between his eyebrows and the uncomfortable lines around his finely cut lips told Will he hadn't gone as well as he had wanted him to believe. Again he regretted not having accompanied him to England. But he also knew this was an important thing and time for Loki. He went closer to hug him tightly and whispered: “I'm so glad to have you back with me again. How was your flight? Have you gotten some sleep?” He replied in a low voice: “Will, I want to go home.” “Of course, darling, tell me everything at home.” When they got to the apartment, Will made tea and Loki looked at the clock. "Huh. 11.30pm. It's half past four in London. And that's how I'm feeling actually. I'd have to get up in an hour, half.” “You look exhausted, dear.” “You know, I don't sleep well on the plane. This week has been a tough one. My last exam, the one for 'Post Production and Marketing' was tough.” “I'm convinced everything went well.” “Taking the circumstances of practical exams isn't exactly my strength.” Will knew: a good dozen strangers had been watching every movement of the examinee; too many pairs of eyes on him for Loki's taste. Although he loved acting and was good at it - very good in fact – this was why he had chosen to be director.  
  
After a little superficial small talk, they went to bed, cuddled a bit and Loki fell asleep quickly. Will, who had been on his feet for 18 hours spending five of them on a plane because he had to sit out a long layover in Montreal, wasn't awake much longer either. On the 24th, Loki woke up wide awake at 3.40am - his London biorhythm told him it was broad daylight, so he carefully broke free of Will's embrace to go to the library. They spent the day lazily and comfortably, mostly reading and chatting in their favourite room and when Loki suggested starting their evening routine earlier than usual, William immediately agreed. It wasn't the fireworks that one might have expected after a long separation, but of course he couldn't oversee the fact his husband was not in the best of shape. After a short while he took the initiative and Loki let himself go, surrendered to him and he loved him as tenderly and gently as he could. It was wonderful. Fireworks were for another time. On Christmas morning they wished each other a nice wedding anniversary, exchanged presents (Loki had put together a selection of exquisite varieties in an exclusive tea house in London and Will had calligraphed twow of Loki's favorite Shakespeare sonnets on precious embossed paper before having them framed. Each pleased with their gifts, they decided on going for a long walk in Central Park. After, it was time to leave for Stark Manor. Will did not try to get into him although he sensed something was going on. He knew Loki would confide in him and open up to tell him what was bothering him. He could be patient ...  
  
*  
  
Steve, Bucky and Morgan arrived over 45 minutes late, apologizing wordily - they had forgotten the time over a board game (which was only half true) - and greeted everyone warmly, wishing each a Merry Christmas. The fact Steve and Bucky were beaming at everyone but each other, chatting funnily – again _not_ with each other though, didn't escape Tony. He didn't want to think too much about it. Bucky asked his father-in-law to be allowed to plug his StarkBook in the main computer to do some tricky analyzes. He wanted to use the high-performance RAM and disappeared into the basement when Tony just waved it off. Steve meanwhile mumbled something about looking for some stuff in his old room. Tony's gaze fell on his granddaughter, who, as soon as her parents were gone from the room, only smiled yet a bit thinly putting her chin on a hand sullenly, while she ignored the merry round surrounding. She hadn't even asked Erik to play with her. Tony sat down with Morgan.  
  
"Well, how was Christmas Eve?" "Nice." Her tone of voice was a bit ... cautious he would call it. “Did you get any nice presents?” “Granny Winnie and Grandpa George gave me airbrush pens. I've wished for them forever!” Bucky's parents had stayed in New York after the premiere of Morgan's play ten days ago to spent Christmas with their only child for the first time since Mrs Barnes had left the family many years ago, with Bucky still in high school. Tony had never had the slightest understanding for Major and Mrs. Barnes. On the day of the premiere, he and Pepper had had some embarrassing small talk with them, but it was soon discovered they had nothing in common, nothing to talk about with each other...Morgan sighed. “Yeah, yesterday was pretty good,” she said without a specific contact person, “they got along _then_.” This seemed to have slipped out of her mind, she looked guilty. Anyone who was close enough to them to hear that looked astonished. Of course, everyone was aware Bucky and Steve - like all couples - would certainly fight from time to time. But at Christmas and in such an obvious manner to upset their daughter? Unfortunately this was exactly how Tony imagined Christmas with the Barnes' senior ...  
  
“We're cheering them up again. Nana and I have a present for you too. Would you like to open it?” She beamed shyly at him: “Yes, Gramps, you're giving the very best presents in the whole world.” She had spoken loud enough for Pepper, who was a little further away, to get it: "Indeed! All of you just wait and see what I got.”  
  
Steve was sitting on the edge of the bed in his old room. He actually hadn't wanted to look for anything. He was just afraid his father, who had eyed him and Bucky a little sharply, would want to know about the noticeable disgruntlement. In his mind he went over the events which had been leading there...  
  
(Bucky took his parents to the airport after a late Christmas breakfast. Steve decided to put his foot down after the worst Christmas Eve of their lives. The previous evening's dinner had been spiced with dialogues like, "Steve, why don't you use your influence get James a decent job at Stark Industries?” “But Grandpa! Papa has the best job in the world and Barnes' Motor Barnes is awesome!" or “Don't you want to find a better school for the little one? Where she can learn something for life like economics or media business.” “I don't want to go to any other school! I'm learning fantastic things there. When I'm an actress or comic artist, I don't have to know anything about economics and business.” “Dad, Morgan's school is very good and she likes to go there. You've heard her." "Montessori is not appreciated at all places. I hope you will send Morgan to your old high school when she's old enough. Wouldn't be a problem with Steve's money around after all.” Bucky's cheeks had turned dark red at that with anger. Steve gave his husband a nervous side glance and hurried to say: "We're not going to send Morgan to a school where I'm the headmaster." Morgan grimaced. "Everyone would think I'm favored..."  
  
When Morgan showed her grandparents, to whom she had given a well-done, self-painted family portrait, the works of art intended as gifts to the rest of the family, they were actually impressed. The girl _had_ some talent. "This one is for Uncle Will." It was the Canadian flag, beautifully overlaid with see-trough clouds of mist in delicately bright watercolors. Winnifred made a confused face: “ _Uncle_ Will? Is that a friend of yours?" Morgan stared at her grandmother. "But Granny, it's Uncle Loki's husband!” “What? But...” Bucky cut in hastily: “Mom. I've told you back then Loki was getting married.” “Yes, I know, but I thought ... did you? I mean, that one more of them...?” She fell silent blushing over and over. The whole evening went on in this manner. When Morgan was in bed, Bucky opened the third bottle of wine and by the time all the adults went to bed he was so drunk he fell onto their bed in clothes and fell asleep like a log. When he came back from the airport Steve asked him into the kitchen. They sat down at the table. "What is Morgan doing?" "Upstairs, trying out her new pens." "She was really happy about my parents' present for her." Steve stared at him for a little while, speechless.  
  
" _Bucky_. You told them what to get her.” That was true. He did this on every birthday and always at Christmas, sending them links where they could find their granddaughter's wishes. “Your parents also ask what to give her, every time.” “Well. It's more like they have good ideas and ask us if what they're imagining is okay with us.” Bucky pressed his lips together, his eyebrows united in an annoyed line. "Sorry, I'm not blessed with brilliant parents like you." Steve turned pale. It caught him cold that Bucky was so ... _unfair._ It hadn't happened in ages. He decided to be reasonable, "Bucky, that's not what I've meant to say. It's just ... you've been upset all night and I think it's not a bit fruitful, for years.” “ _Fruitful?_ What is that supposed to mean? Christmas with relatives. Sometimes it's not pure joy.” “From _my_ experience I'd dare to differ.” Steve knew the same moment that that wasn't the best reply. "Of course. Countless holidays with your perfect family and my imperfect people are with us once, spoiling a fucking single night for you. Again: _Forgive_ me.” Steve could be called a lot. Having angelic patience was definitely not one of it. Hot anger boiled up inside him.  
  
"Bucky! Don't be a pain in the ass! On Christmas of all things." Bucky got mad no less: "What is this, Steven? Am I not meeting your expectations for a perfect spouse, matching a bunch of perfect Starks? I'm sorry, Trophy Husband's day off today.” Steve jumped up to pace up and down the kitchen, breathing hard. At one point he whirled to his controlled arrogant looking husband: “I've been watching this for years. _Years_ , Bucky! Not once have we spent time with your parents without it being embarrassing or almost terrible. And every single time you were upset, depressed and ... yes, _drunk_ afterwards. I know I have assured you of my support in making your peace with them. But: I have to take that back. It's not good for us, it is not at all good for _you_ and nobody benefits from it." Bucky had turned pale as a sheet but said nothing, so he continued, "I know you wanted to do this for Morgan. Morgan has absolutely no relationship to them and they know nothing about her. Just like they never did know a thing about you. How long are you going to do this to yourself? It doesn't get you or Morgan anywhere!” He had grown quite loud at the end. Bucky's stoically arrogant expression stressed him, as did his silence. The kitchen clock ticked loudly in the uncomfortable atmosphere.  
  
"Have you finished?" Steve's shoulders sagged. This wasn't good. Bucky got up. “I need a little time for myself. _Excuse_ me.“, The coldly mocking tone was a sign for Steve to not expect any approach or even sense right now. "Where are you going?" He asked quietly. "To the workshop. We've still got a little time. I can send some more data through the analysis.” Steve nodded resignedly. As he walked out, Bucky turned around again: "You know, Steven, I can't help where I've come from." Before he was able to react, Bucky was out the door. He thundered his fist on the kitchen table in frustration. He _was_ right! He was automatically cleaning up breakfast's leftovers when Morgan came to the kitchen. "Dad? Where is papa? Don't we have to leave soon?” He put a friendly smile on his face. “He still has something to do in the workshop for a moment. Do you want to try out 'Pig Racing'?” This was a board game they had given her for Christmas. "Awesome! I'll get it.” They played the new game for a while. The hands on the kitchen clock soon moved past the time they were supposed to leave. Steve ignored it and explained the third variant of the funny game to Morgan. Bucky came to the kitchen half an hour later. "We have to go. Sorry, I've got lost down there a bit." Of course, Morgan soon noticed her parents weren't talking to each other, even didnt give the other one the smallest glance.)  
  
Bucky was in Tony Stark's workshop, with his Starkbook plugged to the main computer, running analyzes through the high-performance processor. That was done automatically, like in his sleep. It was a no-brainer. He brooded. His anger had subsided and resignation had given way. _Steve ..._ he _was_ right. But it was so damn hard to admit defeat to yourself. Bucky had expected so much good from his decision made seven years ago to keep his small (tiny) family together. The thing was: he had failed miserably. Steve had put it in a nutshell: It had always been embarrassing to awful and completely pointless. Blinking away hot tears, he stared at his StarkPhone for a long time. Then he gave himself a jerk ... Steve's phone vibrated in his pocket. Message from Bucky! "Come to the workshop." He ran off, so hastily his pants were almost fluttering. When he arrived, Bucky literally flew into his arms. "I'm so sorry!" "It's okay." "I was horrible!" "I know how frustrated you are."  
  
Bucky looked him in the face with wide eyes. "Steve ... _Stevie_. I fight windmills.” “I know baby! Finish it. For us and above all: for yourself.” “But how would I do that? I just can't tell them I've had enough and we don't have to see each other anymore. They are my parents!” “Just don't do anything.” Bucky pulled away looking at him questioningly. "Bucky, baby, each contact, every interaction over the past years has come from you. If you stay passive what do you think will happen?” He hung his head. " _Nothing ..._ " he whispered. Steve hugged him tightly to give comfort. "Why don't they care at all?" Bucky muttered barely audibly against Steve's chest drawing his heart together painfully. "Baby I don't know. How am I supposed to know how not to love you and care deeply? Me of all people? You are a wonderful person. I love you. You are Morgan's everything, my family loves you. There must have been a mistake at your birth. Swapped babies or something like that. Because you are so smart and they are so stupid. Bucky ... try to let go. Do it for yourself.” That was the moment when Major and Mrs. Barnes became irrelevant to their only child. For James 'Bucky' Barnes they'd died. He had given everything while getting nothing. It had been about time forever...  
  
Coming back to the lounge, they were welcomed with “Papa! Dad! Look at what Gramps's given me!” Morgan excitedly gestured her parents to come over. For Tony Stark, one glance was enough to see the family's 'first-class drama' couple had settled something, when- and how- and wherever. He breathed a sigh of relief. Bucky and Steve admired Morgan's present. It was a glass-like but ultra-light plate she could place on a drawing or sketch and digitally edit or even animate her handmade work with a special stylus. Another stroke of genius from Tony Stark's workshop ... The other grandchildren were given similarly fitting gifts. The adults in the family had long agreed not to give each other anything, but the children had presents for their grandparents and uncles and aunts, all of them homemade gifts. Morgan's paintings met with great approval. But the present from Erik, Fandral and Hela – for the whole family after all - topped everything, of course. All of them were speaking at once.  
  
"Do you need a kindergarten teacher for your college, MJ?" Thor shouted. “You have to join my soccer team, Erik!” (Morgan) “You couldn't have made me happier, Sunny!” “Is there suppodsed to be a New York astronomy super club? Can I take part this time, Space Girl?” (Bucky) “How far is Canada from New York, Uncle Loki?” (Hela) ...  
  
William watched his husband, who in his facial features revealed a thousand and no feelings at the same time hearing the news. His beloved brother and the nephews so close to his heart and the niece dear to him were moving to New York... Will made a decision ...  
  
*  
  
"You must be tired, beloved." Loki looked at the clock. He had been awake for nearly 20 hours and smiled in agreement. He and Will got ready for the night. They slipped under the covers and Will pulled Loki to him, pulled his tired head to his shoulder. "Why are you not okay?" "Why do you think I am not okay?" Will did not respond. “Loki, _tell_ me.” “I won't do it. I know this for sure." William's hand found his cheek, he gently pushed a stray curl behind his ear: "You have such sweet, soft curls...", he breathed. A bit later he said more firmly: "You _can_ do it and you will.” “William... After the ... incident in the subway, I didn't go further than two yards to a cab on the street in front of the house and again mere steps from it to the university. I did no longer do any shopping, not even for the newspaper at the kiosk, haven't been to the breakfast bistro, where I used to go every morning, and I didn't go to a play I was looking forward to for two months, letting my ticket expire. I'll end up as a weird eccentric who never leaves the house and has to rely on the grace of his husband to provide him with the things you can't order online. Which would be: interpersonal interaction, everyday life and the feeling of not being the only person in the world.” Will sighed inwardly.  
  
“What's bothered you so much?” He heard him swallow and taking a deep breath: “I should have known the point in my life will come when I regret being who I am. The one who is able not to have to face life like everyone else struggling with the same difficulties as me. My comfortable situation of being able to afford any avoidance of challenges with money orders and credit cards makes me so worthless, a coward a wretched creature. For nearly 20 years I have vilified each of the true heroes who are like me and cannot run away from themselves. Those who manage to go out into the world and assert themselves, despite the tricks their own brains are playing on them, maybe they do not well exactly, but as well as they can. While I, carefree, arrogant and convinced of myself, do pay people to serve me in my comfort zone and bubble. I am truly a disgrace in the face of all who did not get it as well as I did. William, I _hate_ being who I am.” His husband's arms tightened around him. Loki snorted, choked: “Don't reward me with affection. Can't you see how little I deserve it?” Will drew in air, almost breathlessly he had listened to Loki's self-shame speech. He thought feverishly, his next words had to be right. And he wasn't supposed to be silent for much longer ...  
  
"My beloved. As much as I have to keep myself from contradicting you at any moment from the bottom of my heart, I know you don't want me to at the moment. You've said you're ashamed. But you _have_ made up your mind to do something to overcome this guilt you've inflicted on yourself. You _know_ it is the right thing to do and you _will_ , beloved. I insist. It's...", he looked at the faintly glowing numbers on the digital alarm clock on his bedside table, "oh, not our wedding day anymore ... 0.03am, but let's imagine we are at home in Winnipeg: only eleven then. I wish it for our wedding day. Go out and stand your ground. Get help with how you set out to do. Don't let setbacks dissuade you. Do it ... for _you_. And for me. Because everything beneficial to you, dearest, only contributes to my happiness as well.” Loki was silent for a short while. “Will,” he sighed almost inaudibly: “What if I don't make it?” “Nothing about how I'm feeling for you will change. I love you. Immutably. But you have to do it, you _will_ do it. I'm sure of it. Trust me.” “I will...”, Loki whispered. "I know." Again Loki was silent for a while. When William felt how all tension left his body, his husband literally melted into him. "I love you, immeasurably.” “I know, my darling. I'm feeling the same for you."  
  
*  
  
"Yay! Isn't it the best thing that could have happened?" MJ jumped onto the bed in Peter's old room with a energetic hop. “"The motivational videos with Thor luring young idealistic teachers to college will spread the spirit: 'Come on and be part of my team. The team of a picture of a man! They'll overrun us." Peter's laugh was a little forced: "Does it have to be you keep emphasizing it that way? Yeah, I know, fucking _everyone_ knows: Thor is the epitome of masculine beauty. Even Bucky has a crush on him. And he is - after eons - more in love with his husband than the world has ever seen one being." MJ looked at him after a short giggle: "Peter... _you..._ Thor is almost old enough to be my _father!_ ” “Hardly. Twelve is a very unacceptable age to be a father.” MJ looked at him thoughtfully. "What is this, Pete?" She asked seriously. He dropped onto his back a little frustrated and looked up at her from the floor with a crooked grin: “Can you imagine what it's like to be their brother? The fucking family baby? Steve is just ... I can't call it any other way: Impressive, even _imposing._ And you don't have to say anything more about Thor, Mr Universe with a heart of gold, and there is Loki, getting all the ticks on the boxes for interesting, mysterious, glamorous. What is there left for me? "  
  
MJ worried her lower lip. That was a quite unusual mood on her boyfriend. She tried, "You are Tony Stark's heir." Peter frowned. “And?” “Well, as great as each of your brothers may be. Your father is Tony fucking Stark and you inherit all of his' with every right. He's combining everything that could be said about your brothers: He is imposing, has always been super attractive and glamorous. And _you_ are the heir to all of this.” Peter looked at her doubtfully. "But that's ..." She interrupted him,"Pete, baby, you _are_ all of this! You are impressive as fuck with your inventions, which you started to develop at the age of 14, you are gorgeous with your beauiful smile and your unmatched grace and you are glamorous in your incredibly natural modesty. How you approach all that is imposed on you at a young age, is stunning! You are - and I absolutely have to make clear of that with Bucky, Jane and Will, the best and the _main prize_ of the Stark boys. And mine.", she smirked. Peter was speechless. Michelle asked, “Maybe you want to come up to me? Would be nicer _with_ you here in bed.” Peter got up, climbed onto his old bed to hug his wonderful girlfriend. "MJ. If I'm supposed to be the main prize, you're the super duper over-all jackpot. I love you.” “In its technical sense soon, I hope.” Peter chuckled and turned off the light. (...)

*******************

Steve and Bucky through the years:  
  



	150. Outtake II: Of beer Colors, Expenses and are there still Sears Catalogs?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture at the end.

Outtake II: **Of beer Colors, Expenses and are There Still Sears Catalogs?**

Bucky's text message on a Friday was full of promises.  
  
“Mom and Dad would like to keep Morgan overnight. Let's go to 'Nowhere''s? You can find me at the bar at nine. Pick me up!” “Are you going to make it difficult for me?” “You want me to?” “That's not what I've meant.” “Too late. :-p You're paying – Everything's out of pocket expenses!"  
  
Steve's stomach tingled with anticipation. Bucky felt the same way. He had Peter demonstrate a few new gimmicks in the workshop and went shopping after. At 8pm he got ready for a club night in his apartment above Barnes Motor Barn. In the afternoon Steve had corrected what felt like 100 essays and stood undecided in her walk-in closet after - it admittedly contained 70% of Bucky's clothes. What persona did he want to adopt? Steve pondered and opted for cargos and a plaid shirt. The latter resembled the ones he'd worn in his late teens and early college days, which always made Bucky nostalgic. A little after eight he drove into town, had a light dinner at a salad bar, and headed to the Nowhere Club. Searching, he looked around and discovered the beloved brunette head at the bar. There was actually a free stool next to him, unbelievable! Steve went to the bar to tap Bucky on the shoulder.  
  
"Is this seat taken?" Bucky turned to him, shook with a curt “It's free, go on.” and turned back to his cocktail, which he - without tasting it seemed – turned back and forth between his fingers. _Okay,_ Bucky wanted to be 'picked up'. But Steve didn't want to be plump and decided on 'only mildly interested'. “I have the feeling you'd rather be for yourself, I won't bother, don't worry!” “The chair next to me is not my property, sit down already, but don't expect pleasant company. There's a reason why it's free after all.” Steve nodded and sat down, taking a closer look at Bucky. He was wearing nothing he had ever seen on him, for sure. Tight black heavily riveted jeans, dark brown half motorcycle boots, a waist-length black leather jacket, studded belt and a simple white Tee. He looked fantastic! Steve sighed. He must have been very rude to keep the seat next to him free! Bucky was ambitious, and this was now a game, he had to win – well, Steve was not a iota less ambitious. He grinned to himself. The cocktail in front of Bucky was, as far as he could tell, the most expensive on the menu. Out of pocket expenses... He grinned again. Steve ordered a Guiness so start thinking a bit.  
  
“Thanks to the lighting here, you can see Guiness is dark red. That's why I like coming here.”, he said aloud. Bucky raised his head looking over at him. "Guiness is not red!" Steve smirked, looked straight into his face. "Oh yes it is, everyone thinks it's dark brown or black, but see for yourself: it's dark red!" Bucky let his eyes briefly but interested wander over Steve's entire body. After he smiled a little. "It's just the light." Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket and shone the flashlight directly into his beer glass. “Fun fact: Guiness is red.” “Huh. But now you've proven something to me. Is that an information I can do something with?” “Fun facts are not there to do something with. It's there point to be useless.” “Except as an icebreaker in bars, eh?” “Isn't it working?”, he winked and held out his hand. "I'm Steve." Bucky gave him an approving glance ( _Smooth, Stevie!_ ). He gave himself a jerk and took Steve's hand. "Bucky." "I'm delighted." Steve's thumb was applying a little more pressure than usual when shaking hands. he was here to be pick up this gorgeous man, after all.  
  
“I've never seen you around before. Aren't you local?” Bucky wrinkled his nose. “I'm usually in Hells Kitchen or Chelsea. Is this your favorite bar? 'Your' red Guiness, 'I've never seen you around before'...That's telling." "More or less. What brings you here tonight?” “A friend's friendly recommendation. This cocktail is supposed to be the best in town.” “And, is this friend right?” “I haven't tried it yet.” Steve was amazed. He hadn't known how charmless Bucky could be. He barely made eye contact, his tone of voice was neutral to cool and his body language still a little dismissive. He probably wanted to make it difficult for Steve and he ended up having all night. _Bastard_ he grinned inwardly. "Why not? Looks very good ... the cocktail.", Steve said with a flirty undertone. “Maybe if I had something to celebrate. The cocktail looks like a drink for a celebration, don't you agree?” “So no reason to celebrate, no? Then take out all the colorful fruit and the ridiculous paper umbrella. You're left with an orange-brown liquid. Maybe it suits your mood better.” With that, Steve pushed the small nut plate on the bar to him, flashing a genuine smile  
  
Bucky looked into his eyes a little longer and the wrinkles around his eyes deepened a bit. It was almost a smile! “This is very thoughtful of you. I have to say you've endured this seat for a long time. You're the stubborn kind. I have to apologize. That's just bad style. You can tell someone if you don't want to talk and don't have to spoil anyone's night, do you?” Steve frowned. “S-so you don't want to be talking?” “The funny thing is, yes, I do. Meanwhile, I do want to be talking. Sorry for the rudeness earlier. My name is Bucky. Just to start all over again.” He held out his hand to Steve again. He took it, was happy about the little caress of Bucky's thumb, speaking with a smile.  
  
"Steve. _Truly_ pleased now.” Bucky chuckled. “You know, I don't have the best of days. A professional setback is responsible for my lack of party mood. My agency has rejected my draft for the campaign to the new Audi E343.” “You're an advertising designer?” “Yes, I am. Freelance.” “Anything I might know?” Bucky grinned a little maliciously: “My biggest campaign to be seen nationwide shouldn't fall into your area of interest, you don't look like a customer of those products.”, he looked at him from top to bottom and back again. “It was for 'Gucci Casual Men's Wear' and while your look is admittedly pretty 'casual', it doesn't look like Gucci. What do _you_ do for a living?” Steve laughed at Bucky's sass _and_ because he was by now undressing him with his eyes, despite the 'non-Gucci casual' look.  
  
“You want to take a guess?” Bucky sat back a little, narrowing his eyes he said, “I had a couple of teachers in high school who dressed like that. If teachers're still doing so, that would be my first guess." Steve laughed, "Strike! You want to guess my subject, too?” Bucky tapped his biceps with his index finger. "Sports would be my first choice,", he grinned with a wink. Steve was glad Bucky was finally doing a bit, after all, he wasn't such an accomplished flirt himself. "And English," replied Steve. "I can blow a little more than a whistle." Bucky raised his eyebrows, suggestively running the tip of his tongue over his lower lip, his mouth slightly open. "Sounds ... interesting." "May I help you spoon the fruit out of your cocktail?" "The fruit doesn't bother me anymore."  
  
Bucky took the glass, put his lips over the metal straw with a grand gesture looking Steve in the eye while sucking. Taking a long sip of his beer he asked, "And?" "Hmm ... not worth the $ 26 it costs." "Maybe it's just too warm?" "Or my ... _friend'_ s recommendation is nothing been worth. After all, it was them who snatched the campaign from under my nose.” “Sometimes you don't need enemies when you have friends at work. Do you want to dance?” Steve abruptly changed the subject. And when, after a moment's thought, Bucky gave a nod and leaned in Steve's leading hand in the small of his back on the way to the improvised little dance floor, his smile widened even more. This was fun!  
  
The dance floor, which the Nowhere bar actually didn't have at all, it was improvised by moving tables, was quite crowded hence its tiny size. People were dancing quite physically and Bucky, who was hit on as always, kept exceptionally _unresponsive_ , to put it in one word. Sending arrogant, annoyed glances, he gave everyone except Steve the cold shoulder keeping one hand on his dance partner's chest or upper arm the whole time while moving around. Steve smiled inwardly. Seems, Bucky wasn't as difficult as he had feared. After a quarter of an hour he asked him if he wanted another drink. "I would like to be talking a little more." "I would like that too. Let's go to the bar.” They only found standing spots and Steve looked at Bucky questioningly before ordering. "Recommend something to me." Steve ordered two Guinness and when he handed the glass to Bucky, the latter exclaimed in mock astonishment: "Blimey, it's red!" Steve chuckled: "Smartass." They clinked glasses. “And are there any good clubs in Hells Kitchen or Chelsea? I'm almost never there.” Bucky laughed to himself. “I'm almost never there myself, but speed dating is very easy there. I'm working 70 hours a week, I'm the most creative late at night and if I weren't so empty-headed by the disappointment with the Audi campaign, I'd be sitting at my drawing board.” “You've still got a drawing board? In the digital age?” “Nothing against good old, honest hand work.” “Absolutely nothing against honest hand work!” Steve whispered, squeezing Bucky's forearm.  
  
"Where can you still buy clothes like that?", Bucky asked with a grin, "Are there any Sears catalogs left?" “This is of course work clothing and available in relevant shops. An established look for teachers.” Steve laughed, playfully offended. "Yes, has been for 50 years." "For pants like yours I don't have the body." Steve's gaze wandered admiringly from Bucky's narrow hips down his endless lean legs. "Nah ...", Bucky smiled "My pants are also available for men, believe me, but not at Sears." "Aren't they men's pants? What's inside looks like a man to me.” His eyes were now on Bucky's crotch. "Oh, don't worry! Parts of my anatomy - even the crucial ones - are still those of a man. But where I'm getting my clothes, all the pants would capitulate on your killer thighs, I'm afraid.” “I haven't seen legs like those of a giraffe foal since college. Of course I see them at work. On my students, but of course I don't dare to look at them any closer.” Again Steve ran sparkling eyes over Bucky's legs. "A giraffe foal, huh?" Bucky grinned with raised eyebrows. Steve jerked a shoulder. “It's a good metaphor.” “When you say so, you're the English teacher. Tell me about high school and the boys with giraffe foal legs.” He winked.  
  
“They're always the most desired right behind them from the football team. There was one of them with me back then in my high school days. The star of Drama class and - _yay,_ very much gay.” “And was your giraffe-legged Drama star fond of you? Have you already had this body in high school? You're looking like the quarterback. Gay guys with long legs are into hunky boys a lot, I know what I'm talking about.”, Bucky grinned. “I was on the football team, but not the quarterback. I had other stuff on my mind besides football.” “Your Drama star?” “Most of all.” “I was madly in love in my Senior year.” “With the quarterback?” “No, he was president of the debating club. But he had a stature similar to yours.” “And did he like you?” Bucky sighed: “He never really dared to jump over his own shadow. Late gay awakening, maybe, and besides, he was quite shy. I'm sure he was attracted to me, but before anything happened we graduated and I've never seen him again.” “What happened to him?” “He went to the army to be able to get a degree in politics. And your Drama giraffe?” “He's gone to London, to study acting. He has become quite famous in the scene, can be seen on stage with people like David Tennant.” “I don't know much about theater, it's not my world. I only know David Tennant from that old show, Dr Who. Didn't even know he was a theater actor too.” “And have you been a little more lucky with love after high school? ”  
  
Bucky smiled. "At first, yes. You know what college is like. Quite a sexualized time of the American education system. But since I finished my studies, I just barely have any time. Maybe I should have gone for being a teacher.” “Heh!”, Steve laughed. "That's why the clubs in Chelsea and Hells Kitchen, where you can be dating on high speed?" Bucky raised an eyebrow, leaned his head back and glared at Steve. Running the tip of his tongue over his lower lip again, he replied, “I've been sitting at the bar, only taking care of my own business. Suddenly a lecture about beer colors was imposed on me. Does that sound like slow dating to you?” Steve deepened his smile. "Was the beer color lescture at least interesting?" "It was just an icebreaker and wouldn't have worked if the man wasn't stunning." At that, Steve's eyebrows shot up. “Nobody under stunning would dare hitting on the hottest man in the whole club or maybe even in the whole of New York. Especially not if he's only taking care of his own business at the bar, being not very inviting.” “The hottest man in town? Are you such a daredevil, Steve, so you can judge?” “For my judgment, what Ican see is enough: the hottest man I've ever met and he recently called me stunning. Is it any wonder I promise myself a little bit of it?” “The way you approach this, I would be surprised if you are satisfied with 'a little bit'. "  
  
Their flirt had now reached top speed, standing close to each other, eyes bored deep into each other's. Each of them could feel the breath of their whispered words on their lips. Steve has curled his fingers tightly around Bucky's forearm while the other hand's thumb drew small circles around his hipbone through the thin shirt. Bucky's one hand was on his biceps, he kept pressing his fingertips deeper as if by chance. The other rested on his chest, fingertips where his shirt was open at the front, Steve's hair tickled them and he dipped his fingers past the seam. Steve hitched a breath and his arm snaked around Bucky's waist, pulling him closer and when they met in the middle of their bodies, they both felt their growing interest. Bucky's body trembled and his eyes fluttered shut. Steve took a deep breath, ran his beard over his lips and slipped his hand under Bucky's T-shirt, now drawing the little circles which had Bucky always go crazy about, almost everywhere on his bare skin.  
  
Steve caressed the small of his back, his spine a bit up, down again and then around the dimple above one buttock. Bucky let out a sigh, it being nearly a moan, and pressed his body closer to Steve. He replaced his beard with his lips on Bucky's mouth making him nudge them invitingly with his tongue. Steve only licked over his lower lip promisingly, placing a breathy kiss on his ear. After, he made his way to Bucky's jawline with tiny pecks: "Are you living anywhere around?" "No..., do you?" Bucky let his head roll to the side, onto his shoulder to give Steve more access to his neck. He nibbled a little, making him shiver and give a muffled groan. “No, unfortunately not. Hotel?” “Im-immediately. ", Bucky breathed out weakly, sinking against Steve's chest, who took out his phone to look for a room nearby. With an app he found one and booked it. It was expensive, _very_ expensive. _Out of pocket expenses_ Steve grinned to himself.  
  
They hastily stumbled out of the club, waved over a cab to go down the four blocks. Between them sexual tension was crackling. They were out of the making-out-wildly-in-a-cab age, and in their college years when still doing so, they hadn't met one taxi driver appreciating this. Checking in was easy with the hotel app. They took the elevator up, looked for the appropriate room and Steve entered the code sent with the booking confirmation. Hardly in there, Bucky literally threw himself at Steve, pressing him against the wall next to the door and his hands and lips were everywhere. He pulled and tugged and fiddled with Steve's buttons and had him out of his shirt in no time. His own leather jacket followed in an instant. Planting some very wet open-mouthed kisses all over his torso while he was already ripping open his belt, button and zipper, he pushed Steve's pants down a little. Falling to his knees with an audible thud, he looked up to him and chuckled: "I'm usually not doing this after only an hour." "I'm flattered." "I think you will soon be something more than only flattered." "Very soon, I hope."  
  
Bucky stopped before pulling down his boxers to glance up at him: "But I don't have to pretend I don't know what you like?" "And if so, after all you're a natural. Come on, baby, be my mysterious stranger a little longer.” Narrowing his eyes Bucky smirked and licked a forceful stripe through the fabric over Steve's throbbing erection, giving special treatment to the spot where there already was building up a small damp stain. Steve's hands shot to Bucky's head, into his hair groaning greedily. Hooking his fingers into the boxer's waistband Bucky slowly pulled them down as if unwrapping a long awaited present. When Steve's cock sprang out, he gave a dirty whistle. "Wow! What a great guy.", With that he grabbed it at its base to put his lips over.  
  
Steve hunched forward uncontrollably, hissing a curt 'sorry' when Bucky, unprepared for it, choked a little. He released Steve's cock briefly from his mouth, gave his shaft a couple of firm strokes all the way up and down again. He smiled: “Nah, it's okay. I _want_ to feel you a bit." Steve looked down and when Bucky took him back into his mouth, slowly, inch by inch, his legs went shaking violently. "My knees might give in!" He cried out, a little desperately. Bucky growled around his shaft taking him deeper. Steve felt him swallow around his tip, making him thrust forward again. Bucky again had to gag and gave him a pat against his thigh. Rolling his eyes up at Steve, he took in the sight of his face, twisted with pleasure. Pulling his head back, he licked over Steve's cock tip skillfully, sucking in the first drops of pre-cum with dirty slurps. "Really, I think I can't keep standing!" Steve uttered in between deep moans. "Tsas", Bucky made against Steve's glands, blowing cool air over it. "Would have thought you were more steadfast, such a big built guy." "You're doing insanely dizzying things with your mouth down there, okay?" "Oh, yeah, I know. They say I'm good at it.“ Steve stared down at his husband ( _one night stand_ ) in amusement, _cocky little shit_... When Steve's entire length disappeared into Bucky's mouth in one go, he could see his cheek bulging obscenely. "Unngh," he made unintelligently. Bucky replaced his mouth with a warm, firm fist, saliva mixed with pre-cum making good lube. “Come on, sit down, big strong man. I don't want to throw up red beer on this nice cream-colored carpet.” Steve laughed sliding down the wall as recommended.  
  
Between his legs Bucky made himself comfortable looking up at him again, craning his neck a bit. "You know? It's not so bad. I can get hold of you wild stallion a little better this way”, gripping Steve's hips with both hands he went on: “and I can do a little good to myself. Like that.” Steve's eyes grew huge seeing Bucky humping the floor under him obscenely, wriggling his hips and pushing against it like a horny teenager. Steve, breathing heavily, whispered, “I haven't seen dry humping since high school.” “So how's it looking after all those years?” “Hot as fuck. Seems, everything about you's hot as fuck.” Smirking seductively through his fringe Bucky stated: "And you haven't even seen the best parts!" “I can't wait.” “Be a good boy and behave yourself. You can touch my hair and pull at it a bit if you want to. But don't push my head down, I don't like that, you understand?” “I do.” “I'm serious, I'll stop if you do, be good.” “Oh my god, I don't want you to stop.” “I know. And now help me a little. I don't have a free hand.” With that he opened his mouth wide, tongue pushed out over his lower lip. Steve went dizzy at the sight and he took his cock, holding it out to Bucky like a snack. "Tasty.”, with that he let his beautiful head sink onto Steve's cock. Down and down, taking a brief break to overcome his gag reflex. When his throat relaxed, he got down to business.  
  
Steve was seeing stars, entire galaxies. The way Bucky moaned, swallowed, gagging a bit for effect, hummed and did all sorts of things with his tongue was making him insane! He held himself back with all might, to not push up into him. His hands at his hips were grounding him a little and he remembered the permission to touch Bucky's hair, pulling at it. He knew, Bucky liked it and when he gave a stretched out muffled moan, Steve let his head fall back, hitting it gently against the wall a bit to get back to the here and now. Noticing Bucky writhing and squirming on the floor like mad rubbing himself in while making little desperate noises around Steve's cock made him race to his orgasm at high-speed. A jerk went through his body, similar to the wave of an electric shock. The tip of his cock grew even more plump in Bucky's mouth making him loosen his grip on Steve's hips. With a tap he even encouraged him to push in a bit. Steve shot beam after beam of cum down Bucky's throat, thrusting in, just the way Bucky liked. It looked he liked it very much, groaning, he enthusiastically swallowed each drop until Steve collapsed under him as if boneless. Slowly he released him licking him clean like a kitten. After, he rested his head on Steve's thigh and whispered: “Don't you dare fall asleep – the floor hasn't been enough for me since high school.” Steve's chuckle as an answer _was_ enough. Easy as cake to get him in the mood again some time later!

In the morning's early hours they snuggled together, exhausted and satisfied. Steve whispered, “We're not that bad at flirting in the end.” “Not bad at all. You can't be sent in a club on your own!” “Says the right one, as easy as you were to be picked up. Only an hour to get you on your knees, mouth stuffed to the hilt with cock. Tsas. Slut.” “Shut up, you punk."  
  
  
  



	151. A (last) Intermezzo

**A (last) Intermezzo**  
  
(Will)  
  
"Have you got some short time for me, John?" Will had decided to speak to study director Fawkes' first week after winter break. John Fawkes looked at his watch and nodded. “Have a seat, William. Did you have nice holidays?” “Very nice ones, thank you. What about you?” “Well, the usual, too much food, too many drinks and the obligatory family quarrel over the holidays. You know that for sure.” Will took a deep breath. That was downright an opportunity to come to business . “To be honest, no John, I don't. In my family, that is, my husband's family everything's quite harmonious. I'm coming to you to announce my decision to live in New York from now on. Close to the family.” Mr. Fawkes stared at him, turning pale. “But William, you are one of the mainstays here.” “Nobody is irreplaceable, John. Of course I am available for a sufficiently long induction phase for my successor.” “Will...” “Please, listen, John. I answered your call in times of need. You've known it might not be forever. My husband will finish his second degree this summer and I'm sure he's planning on working in New York again. Remember, I wouldn't have come here three years ago if Loki hadn't started his program."  
  
John Fawkes didn't look happy, but he recognized a determined man when he saw one. “How very unfortunate. At the end of the week we will start advertising your position.", he sighed, "why did you have to marry a man from a nice family of all people?" It was a good-natured joke. After they'd been laughing a bit he leaned forward curiously: “The Starks ... tell me about them. The young heir set up an educational association, have I heard this right?” And since that was really a professional interest and didn't look like a thirst for gossip, William willingly talked about the Jones' and Stark's Education Association for a while. And about the model school whose construction site he and Loki had visited between Christmas and New Year. The still nameless educational institution ... "It is amazing for wealthy people like them, billionaires after all, to care so much about the needs of those who have not done so well." "Do you now understand why I'm drawn to these people?“ The study director made a face, but smiled. “I can't deny, unfortunately. I'll miss you.” “Feel free to invite me for a guest lecture every now and then.” “I'll take you at your word. Nobody speaks as movingly as you about Whitman. "

  
(Thor and Jane)  
  
Finding a house in New York from Tuscon was extremely difficult. The Foster-Starks made a preselection on the websites of real estate agents and Thor's parents took turns viewing the properties in question. They gave Jane and Thor a live cam tour each time. But: How could you know whether a house was the right one if you didn't walk around in it yourself? “Jane, why don't you go to New York for a while? Two or three weeks and take a look at a couple houses yourself?” “Can I leave you and the kids all to yourselves?” “If I didn't know better, I would think you don't trust me to keep the place together for a while.” “But you know better. Nobody could be trusted that a task more than you, but...” “Loki offers to use his and Will's apartment when's it happening." She looked at him puzzled. "You talked to Loki about this?"  
  
“No, you can't say that.”, Thor laughed, “it was his idea. I don't think it's bad. His apartment is much more central than Stark Manor. You can easily reach all suburbs from there, some of them even with express trains." Jane grinned: "What? I'm not allowed to drive in his Jaguar? No, then I don't want to take his friendly offer.” Thor laughed. “He says this kitten only obeys him. If he knew I 've driven it around the block on my penultimate visit...” “He doesn't know the mileage by heart?” “Not exactly when it's only 400 yards apart, apparently. He didn't say anything.” “So, how was it?” He shrugged his shoulders. “It's just a car. I don't know why he bothers so much about it.” “If we had a car with no cookie crumbs, sticky child seats and half a sandpit in the trunk, we'd maybe make more of shiny cars.", she said dryly. "Perhaps. So what do you think?” “It actually _is_ a good idea. Where is he hiding the car keys?” “Oh no. You have to find them yourself. You know, in for penny, in for a pound.”, Thor laughed. "Spoilsport."

(MJ)  
  
She had been holding interviews in one of the SI conference rooms for hours (days, to be honest). The first professors and vocational training instructors for the autumn semester 2044, who had applied to the state-wide calls, were invited to present themselves to her team. On her recruiting committee were: The 'little Quill-Titan' (who hardly left her side anyway), Dr Helen Cho, a Korean and a respected doctor in her home country who had moved to New York for love and was a specialist about geriatrics. She would be responsible for the theoretical training of the nursing program, a growth-restricted gifted mechanic and locksmith, Eitri Nidavellir, the already employed librarian Mr. Wong and her public relations specialist, stage name Grandmaster. End Wi Gast, of indigenous descent, had worked at the same theater as Loki some ago (and had been his lover for a while, which MJ didn't know). The judgment of the clever brother-in-law could be relied on. Mr. Gast was eccentric and special. But he knew something about his job. In fact: a lot. It was a colorful bunch - exactly what should make up her college in the end. And the applicants' reactions to this gave a good first impression of their attitude towards diversity and minorities.

  
(Peter)  
  
"Mr Beck, I cannot accept your immediate debt collection demand, initiated without a final consultation with me." Quentin Beck kept his upright posture. He liked looking down on the smaller CEO too much. Rather than crouching, he made himself – unnoticed, as he thought - even taller. Of course, Peter didn't miss it. Normally he didn't care when people tried to use his somewhat short height against him. But in this case ... Also the arrogant facial expression, the blasé tone of voice, the repeated action against his orders ... It had become too much. At first the managing director had been friendly to Peter, maybe he didn't like the way, his boss run the company, but he still acted loyal. But more and more it happened in the last few months that Quentin Beck had been deciding above Peter's head. He had to put a stop to it. “Mr Stark, with all due respect. 'NeighborhoodCare' has always been in arrears, sometimes by weeks. A warning shot at the right time..."  
  
Peter had developed a high-security lock that could without the help of an (expensive) mechanic or locksmith be attached to every apartment or house door by using chemical adhesive power. The neighborhood aid organization NeighborhoodCare in Queens, which consisted largely of volunteers and was dependent on donations, had insisted on paying at least the material value of the locks supplied by SI for the Queens people. He had agreed because he knew his locks would be more likely to be trusted if they weren't free of cost and those locks saved lives! A debt collection demand meant a payment surcharge of over 17%. That was not acceptable in Peter's eyes. After all he would have loved to donate the locks from the start anyway. "Mr. Stark. I fully understand your sympathy for NeighborhoodCare, because your girlfriend from there... “, he bit his tongue and stopped talking – _I've_ _made mistake_. Peter Stark's gaze hardened. His lean but toned body tensed. He was his father's heir with every fiber of his body and mind. Quentin Beck was all too aware of this - and he had already _hated_ Tony Stark!  
  
“What you dare to suggest with incredibly presumptuous cheek, Mr Beck, shows me what kind of cloth you are made of. Be assured. Miss Michelle Jones is worth more and has achieved more than you or I could in a human life: Namely, to assert herself against contemptuous ignoramuses, privileged by skin color and origin like you and me, and with determination, will and assertiveness from the bottom up to fight for people with similar fates. I demand of you a sincere apology to Mr Yinsen, NeighborhoodCare's chief executive officer, for your administrative error. I also insist you never do anything like this again without my consent. Do we understand each other, Mr. Beck?” You could tell Quentin Beck was seething with anger and Peter knew before he said it out loud what was going to happen. "Mr Stark, I'm resigning!" _Off you go!_ Peter thought. When Beck had stormed out of his office, Peter called his mother. "Darling? How are you?” came happily from the phone. "Mom, I accidentally fired my manager." At first it was very quiet on the other end. " _Accidentally?_ " She asked, confused. Peter told her the whole story and she was just as outraged as he was.

“And now?” “You need your mom now. Until we find a new manager. Not a day longer.” “Thanks, Mom. I love you.” “I love you too. Still: not a day longer!” Peter hung up with a laugh.

  
(Morgan)  
  
With a heavy heart, Morgan Stark, in her last year of Montessori Elementary, got the examination results for admission to one of the New York Middle Schools. She was reserved on several wish lists and every school wanted to know in advance about the suitability of their candidates. All New York students in her year had taken this exam. She had always enjoyed school, but she had always found studying difficult. She couldn't sit still or concentrate for long. The practical skills in which she had always excelled didn't seem to be of any use at any middle school. Her exams turned out accordingly. Her best subjects; handicraft, sports and arts, had not been examined. So she found herself widely 'unsuitable'. She hung her head sadly. She had known for a long time she wasn't the least bit smart. Papa and Dad always tried to talk her out of that, but she wasn't a child anymore and saw through them! Or maybe her parents just didn't want to admit the truth. She would definitely not be accepted at the great school they (and EVERYONE else) had been to. Where Dad was the headmaster. She was the first Stark who wouldn't go there ....  
  
When would they even find out about this exam if she didn't tell them? Carelessly she pushed the fateful note into her writing pad, all the way to the back. Good thing she went to see Gramps and Nana after school today. By evening she might have forgotten the stupid thing. Gordon called: “And, Morgs?” “Quite alright. What does it matter anyway? It's just a formality.", She replied, nose up in the air, a big grin on her face. Her best friend was smiling all over his face; he must have had the best grades in the whole class again. She was happy for him. The last hours of the afternoon they had sports and, to her delight, they even played football for half an hour! And when she got into Gramps' car, she was beaming as always. “Isn't your old grandpa getting a kiss? Are you embarrassed of me, Pumpkin?” “I'm all sweaty from PE.” Tony laughed, “I picked up your dad and your uncs from school a thousand times. You won't believe how sweaty and stinky boys between eleven and 15 are. I bet you're smelling of summer meadows like all girls!” Morgan giggled and graciously kissed her grandpa on the cheek. “Okay, not quite a summer meadow. But whoever ahd to endure your uncle Thor in the car after a day-long football tournament is hardened for life.” “I have clothes to change. I just don't want to take a shower at school.” “Nobody wants to!”  
  
Generously stocked with pizza and ice cream on their way, they made themselves comfortable in the Stark kitchen after Morgan had taken a quick shower. Pepper was at SI with Peter. Tony showed Morgan old clips of her dad playing the trumpet in the orchestra at a school party, with blown up reddened cheeks. In addition, scenes from a dramatic football game by Thor, a very funny sketch with Loki as Abraham Lincoln in the lead role and Peter at the sports festival on the rings. The exam results came back to her mind instantly with the first video ... But since her Gramps obviously enjoyed the clips so much, she put on a cheerful face. "I don't even know if I've got a video of Bucky's somewhere... Jarvis?" "Yes, Mr Stark?" "Go through the database for Mr James tagged Sanctuary High." "Very well, sir." Tony got a deck of cards and handed them out while they waited. "I'm sure you'll be happy that Erik is going to Sanctuary..." Morgan said with a decidedly indifferent attitude. Tony looked at her carefully. "Oh ... This school will probably get tired of Starks at some point." Morgan looked at him confused. “He says it's the best school in town.” “It depends on what you expect from a school. Erik is a science buff like his mom. They have the best student labs around. He will like it there. Of course I'm happy about that. But I'm always happy when you kids are fine and happy.” Morgan sighed heavily. She wasn't sure if she had even understood her grandfather.

“Maybe there isn't the right school for everyone.” “But there is definitely the right school for everyone.” “Yes, of course, there are also clown schools.” “Yes, and Loki always suggested to send Thor to one." Morgan chuckled. “What kind of school would you want to go to?” Morgan exclaimed: “My school is awesome! Why can you only go there up to the age of twelve?” “Yes, that's a shame, Pumpkin. You've learned a lot there.” “Oh, I don't think so.” Her next card made Tony groan and he drew four cards. "Well, wait for it, little one...", he muttered, "I saw your interview from the gala. It's pretty cool how you can speak in front of strangers, especially into TV microphones, you have a lot of guts.” “We're doing this all the time at school. At every morning meeting, anyone who wants to can tell everyone something.” “M-hm. I really liked your last play, The Flying Classroom. At your school you really learn to act all natural in public.” “Theater is only for fun. That's not exactly having learned something.” “Well, Missy. If you give me a four-draw card again, I'll tell this your uncle and he'll only give you books for your birthday.” “I didn't mean Uncle Loki. He's smart after all." _Aha,_ Tony thought, _so that's depressing you ..._  
  
“Everyone is smart when they do what they are best at. Some are clever in their head and some in their legs or with their hands and then there are people who are clever in their hearts. And everyone's able to find the right thing for life, if they are allowed to and only believe in it, Pumpkin.” “But all middle schools only want children who are clever in their heads.” “Who's said that?” Morgan couldn't look at him. Her cheeks turned red. "It's your turn," he said softly. She put a red seven on top of the deck and tossed her remaining cards on the table. "I failed the middle school exams.", the girl whispered. It took a load off her mind. Nobody was as smart as Gramps. He surely knew a solution! Tony pushed his deck of cards together. At that moment Jarvis called. “Mr Stark, sir. Searching for Mr James tagged Sanctuary High returned three hits.” Tony pulled over a StarkPad looking at the hits. One was his musical performance as The Mad Hatter, which Steve had told him about, but Tony hadn't been to himself, a sequence from a play in Buckys senior year when his Drama class had adapted Animal Farm – quite a difficult topic - and Bucky's speech as the newly crowned ball king! He knew the clip and it was a great way to cheer Morgan up a bit. The spirit of 'Keep going, even if you don't meet people's expectations' was just the ticket! He played the video for his granddaughter.  
  
Morgan laughed at her father's funny appearance - at a school ball after all! "Papa looks silly." "Oh, I don't know. In high school everyone thought he was very handsome.” “Dad's always telling so too. Well, he's cute in a way. But the antlers are embarrassing and the nose only!” “Yes, they are. But that didn't bother your father. He wanted to be Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer and he didn't care whether it was cool enough for a school ball or not.” They went silent and listened. In the end, Morgan chewed her lower lip thoughtfully. “What did he mean by all of this?” “That it is good to be yourself. Regardless of whether you are a nerd, do an unpopular sport or maybe have to deal with something in life making it harder to live up to all expectations. Think about papa who is gay, uncle Loki who is autistic, and don't worry too much about having such a hard time studying. Sometimes you are nothing of what a school or what the people want and still become ball king. You will find something you can do and be great at it. In any case, you can be sure to be loved. That's the most important thing, Pumpkin: we all love you and you can be who you are. And we'll find a school which is cool enough to take in a super cool girl like you. "  
  
Morgan looked at the tabletop in front of her, but a shy smile was already spreading on her face. Tony was glad Steve and Bucky rarely addressed Morgan's ADH disorder. It would pay off in the end not to have been stigmatized in family life - as it turned out to be with Loki. “Are you really helping me to find a school?” “I'll find the best school in the world for you! Or I'll buy you one. What I can do first.” Morgan gave a hearty laugh. "You're silly, Gramps.", she grinned crookedly, "but thank you." "Now that you've showered, I'd take another hug." His granddaughter hugged him tightly and whispered: "I love you, Gramps."

(Loki)  
  
"Please meet me at 9.30am for breakfast at Harry's!" It was a Saturday and social training was due. Harry's was a shabby, constantly crowded, noisy sandwich and coffee bar at the end of the street. As usual, the message was brief and left no room for negotiations. Margaret Jenkins, 56, had been warmly recommended to him by ALAG, the Asperger London Area Group, whom he had contacted. She gave lectures, offered courses and you could hire her for everyday support and social training. She wasn't working with everyone. But Loki Harrington-Stark had been able to convince her how serious he was with his decision, better late than never, at almost 38, to turn things around again breaking years of avoidance habits. He was determined to overcome his own weaker self and emerge strengthened from a battle against himself with only slowly healing wounds ... Margaret Jenkins accepted him as a candidate and was relentless.  
  
She knew all of the horrific breakfast bars in London, and each of her training days began in one of them. There her 'student' was given the task of ordering an extensive breakfast at a crowded counter, with several queries about ingredients and origin of the food. Loki had to battle his unease at both the grumbling and the complaints around him, as well as the bodies surrounding him and their sensory impressions pouring in on him. Though he won't ever be able to ignore all of it, he could learn to find those triggers bearable. The fourth ordering process in his first weeks of work with Mrs Jenkins had been the first time he did not break off in order to leave the restaurant in the middle of the process in stoic silence. Finally he had gone all the way through his annoying questionnaire, with acting on laboriously looking for change to pay his bill in the end. Of copurse he had been troubled again by loud grumbling and ranting from his bystanders, but when he'd triumphantly come to his 'teacher' with a packed tray, she proudly beamed up to him from their table. "Well done." After breakfast they always went to the subway. She had his Oystercard handed over and sent him to the ticket counter with another annoying question-round, where he had soon been able to buy his day ticket after a lot of back and forth while being heavily insulted by not-to-patient commuters behind.  
  
At Harry's he finished his quota as bravely as he had trained and when he sat down with Mrs. Jenkins, she beamed at him - there was something about her smile he didn't like. “A good day to ride the subway, Loki.” “Oh yes? No day has ever been a good day to ride the subway. What is so special about today?” “Chelsea is playing against Arsenal." Loki raised his eyebrows, inwardly not very keen on the idea of being surrounded by hordes of football fans in subway cars: "You are interested in football?” “I'm English.” “I would prefer you were a tea fan forcing me to go to tea houses.” “Where would the challenge be? You can go to tea houses very well, I'm sure.” “How about a dog training ground? Or Ascot?” He joked. “You are an impertinent boy, my dear. Eat your breakfast while it is warm. You need a strong stomach for a match day in the tube.” “You're hating me, you can admit so." “Love, I could at best hate your tricks with which you try again and again to charm yourself out of unpleasant situations, but: What can I say, it's amusing me.” Loki chuckled: “You've seen through me.” With a lot of British dignity, she replied: “This is my job.”  
  
And she did an excellent job. She challenged him, gave valuable tips and suggestions on how to cope with stressful situations or at least endure them and after a couple of weeks she had him do the groceries shopping at Sainsbury's (with always being a pesky customer askong many questions - it was part of his training). Additionally, he only took a cab instead of the subway on really bad days. However, a Premier League top game between the most rival London clubs was a challenging day on public transport and comparable to bachelor's exams in a subject called: 'play act being a normal person'. “Sounds like a horrible tube day.” “But Loki! I'm thrilled: This pairing's attracting football fans from all over the country, even from some parts of continental Europe. The ticket booths will be under siege!” “You, Margaret, are a she-devil.” “But, my dear boy, how can you offend me like that? I've got your best in mind.”, Her flashing eyes belied her words. "My best?", His gaze went into the distance, a melancholy smile playing around his lips, " _my best_ is waiting for me, in Canada, on a comfortable sofa, with a book in hand." "Loki ...", her tone softened, “You know why you're doing this. You've promised - to _your best._ "

(Bucky)  
  
"Shuri!", He beamed into the video chat window, "how are my princesses?" "Ahem.", his best friend coughed playfully. He laughed, "How is my queen?" She bowed her head graciously and laughed back mischievously. "My competition is growing, I have to live with it." "You will always be my person No. 1 in Wakanda, kid.” “Stop it. I'm very well! The Princely Highnesses too, by the way. Listen. I have to tell you something: I finally reached an agreement with the heads of state in Somalia and Kenya. Can you imagine they had been serious about claiming that the two dozen remaining traditional Maasai tribes would devour two states with their few hundred cows and goats?” “What does the agreement look like?” “They are finally allowed to lead their herds into areas where something is growing. In fact, those hollowheads have realized goats and cows don't eat stones.” Bucky knew Shuri had been fighting for this for over two years. A warm smile spread across his face. “You are great, my queen. I'm proud of you. How is M'Baku?” “He's training his nephew and the future tribal leader N'Jadaka to be a warrior. Them two are currently on a traditional hike in the mountains. My sister-in-law will tear his head off when the boy doesn't sit down to pee anymore when back to the palace from the trip.” Bucky laughed out loud.  
  
"How are you all? How long is Steven's hair?” “Unchanged, since last you've seen him. Morgan is going to middle school after summer, but we don't know to which one yet. We're tending towards Future Olympic Youngsters High, sports-oriented. Unfortunately, they also have a strong affinity for mathematics and science. She can only do that with a wrench in hand. Pure instinct, she can't explain what she's doing." Shuri looked at him sympathetically: "It's not easy for her, is it?" He sighed: "It's not easy at all. Her best friend is top of the class and the days when grades meant nothing to her are long gone.” “She is a smart girl.” “Of course she's a smart girl!", Bucky looked passionately at his old friend: "If she's interested in something, she is incredibly focused! She knows over two dozen different types of screw heads and...” “Hold your breath, I know all of that. But she's not 'school smart'." He swallowed: "No, she isn't ... I hate the fact our children are judged according to a rigid pattern." Shuri was silent for a moment, thinking.  
  
“But we agree on her being smart, don't we? Don't you think she knows exactly what's wrong with her?" Bucky started up: "And what is that supposed to be?” “ADHD. A perhaps not particularly accepted but proven learning impairment, for which one with persistence and openness can claim help." "Shuri... we've discussed that before..." She interrupted him: "And you haven't listened to me the last times, either.” He fell silent, a bit embarrassed. “There are ways to compensate for disadvantages and there are school attendants. You never talk about it, Steven and you?” “Of course we do!", He cried out offended," but we have agreed we do not want to put a stamp on her. Think about Loki. He could have made use of all of this and his parents decided they didn't want to turn him into a neon sign for 'being different'. He turned out great.” “You think so.” “I know!” “Then you probably don't have all the information.” “What does that mean?” “At the moment I'm geographically no further from my high school classmate than you and what is even more important: Another schoolmate of Loki's and mine is living in Europe: Nebula Titan.” “And?” “They are good friends." Bucky looked annoyed: "Get to the point."  
  
“She visited him in London. Loki is 38 years old and takes lessons in everyday tasks and social training.” Bucky stared at her. "Bucky, I hope we're agreeing on this to stay between us, regarding everyone. Even Steven and Loki himself, at least until he's telling you himself.” He thought for a moment. "Okay." " _Okay?_ " "Yes, I promise." She told him what she had learned from Nebula in one of her sporadic emails. “I'm speechless.” “Hardly. But don't you understand? This would have been easier 25 years ago, don't you think so? With all due respect to your in-laws and I understand them very well, they did a really great job with Loki. It may have been short-sighted, however, not to take into account that, with all the privileges his family status is offering, Loki had to feel like an idiot at some point. By the fact sometimes he's struggling with something banal like getting a subway ticket.” Bucky considered her words for a while. "Perhaps. I don't want to judge on it. Morgan's very well able to buy a subway ticket without any problems. What does this have to do with her school dilemma?” “You need to address it. Be honest and open with your daughter, Bucky. And involve her in the process of finding a solution for her future."  
  
He rubbed his face a few times with both hands. When he looked up again, Shuri's features twisted with compassion. “I know,” she said gently, “it's awful. But she knows how much you love her. In the end, she'll be thankful for your honesty.” He said nothing. She knew him and the fact he needed time for things like that, so she changed the subject: "How about you send her over to me for a few weeks in the summer holidays?" "Wh-what? _Weeks_?” “Oh, come on, navel yourself off!” She laughed. "I beg your pardon?" "When was the last time you've had quality time with Steven, just the two of you?" He briefly thought. "Last month we've been alone in our cabin for a weekend." "How about - let's say - be alone in your cabin for three weeks?" "Shuri ..." "Yes! Tell me, wouldn't it be a blast? And _Steven_ ... we both know how much he's thriving on your attention, and all of it to himself for once again." Bucky giggled: "Well, I think so...” “So what do you say? Wakanda holidays for Morgan?” He frowned: “I don't know... away from home for so long without...”, she interrupted him. "Bucky. That cuts no ice. What you're meaning is: _You_ are scared of being without her for so long.” He looked disgruntled: “Is that a bad thing?” Shuri laughed: “Of course not. What girl wouldn't be lucky with a dad like you? Up to the day you're stuffing a shotgun into her first boyfriend's face, of course.” She grinned broadly. He laughed: “Girl! What are you spinning together! Besides, the first boyfriend is still far away.” “Uh-huh.”, She gave dryly.  
  
"Stop it.", He smirked, "wrong topic. When you're inviting her, I'd stand no chance, you know, right?” “Of course I know.” “And yet you're asking me first.” “You are very dear to me.” Bucky looked at her in silence for some time. "Oh no.", Shuri giggled, "don't you get sentimental now." "Pff, you don't even know what you're missing." "I _do_ know. So? Will you send me Morgan for a couple of weeks?” “She's not a UPS package, but I'll ask her. If she wants to...” “You are sooo brave, Bucky Barnes.” “Shut up. What are you going to do with her?” “I don't know yet. I think she might like training with the Guard.” “Do you want my daughter to shave her head and wield a monstrous machete?” “It's a great honor to be a Dora Milaje. And you Americans are all obsessed with hair.” “You can shave your own head. Go on!” “The queen's traditionally wearing long hair in the right braid for each occasion.” “You _are_ the queen, you could abolish this law and take a stand against not being obsessed with hair.” “You still have something of your old esprit, thank God. And? Would you like to go on vacation with Steven alone?” He looked dreamily: “You have no idea.” She clicked her tongue. "Oh yes, I do. You've always told me enough and I know you very well. Still, I'm amazed how strong it still is.” He looked confused. "Well, you're still totally in love with each other!" "Uh ... _Yes?_ " "You are cute and I love you, white wolf." "You're confusing me, but I love you too, Princ... - my _Queen_."  
  
Morgan, of course, was thrilled about the prospect of a three week African adventure vacation and no concerns about any separation pain seemed to overshadow her happiness. Bucky had to admit: _he_ finally had to cut the cord. His vacation with Steve in their cabin helped with it enormously ...  
  
(Steve)  
  
“Stephen, do you have a little time on hand? It's a private matter." Dr Strange shoved some papers together, gestured Steve to sit down, and said, "Of course, Steven. How can I be of help?” “It's about my daughter Morgan. She'll be twelve in summer and is about to move from Montessori Elementary to Middleschool.” The man opposite pulled his eyebrows together a little. “I am amazed I missed the name 'Stark' on the registration lists for Sanctuary Middle, when the name 'Foster-Stark' caught my eye. Well, those things happen.” “We haven't got Sanctuary on our wish list.” “Actually? I don't see any conflict in your being the high school principal. Steve shifted a little uncomfortably in his chair. “Morgan's got learning disability. ADHD.” “I see. The inclusion class of the Middle is very well staffed with trained teachers. Have you found a flaw in it?” “We think the level could overwhelm her. She's not an intellectual child.” The look his colleague gave him was indistinguishable for Steve.

“I remember your brother Thor was not an intellectual child either. With the right support, he was able to master the level. Precisely because Sanctuary has always paid particular attention to the talents of its students. Your charming daughter, whose acquaintance I was able to make, is witty and open to new ideas. Of course, you and Mr Barnes can certainly judge better how much you can lay on her, but from experience I can assure you, self-confident children like your daughter are growing with their tasks.” “You've already mentioned yourself: Morgan's cousin Erik is going to visit Sanctuary Middle and he's coming after his clever mother. Buc - ... _we're_ afraid she might feel challenged and - let's call it what it is, she probably cannot hold a candle to him in the field of tests, exams and grades.“ “You see less of a problem in this than Mr Barnes, am I right?” Steve felt caught and thought for a moment. At the end he gave himself a jerk: “Right. Morgan is a good kid who enjoys seeing people she loves succeed. Her best friend outperforms her in just about anything. It's making her proud rather than jealous.” “It seems to me Mr Barnes is passing on a long-standing home-made feeling of inadequacy to your daughter.” Steve stared at Dr Strange, speechless. That ... made so much sense!  
  
“I suggest the both of you consult again over the holidays. Morgan would probably have few or no classes in common with Erik Foster-Stark, who is scheduled for the science branch. Just like your brothers Thor and Loki once had hardly any classes in common. Maybe that's food for thought your husband hasn't considered yet.” “But ... Stephen, how do you know, I..." he stopped, feeling a bit like a traitor. "...that you would like Morgan to visit our school? I know how much you love this institute and how convinced you are of our concept. Of course, you can only make this decision as parents, _together._ I've just wanted to advise you sufficiently. That's why you've come to me, haven't you?” Steve gave a thoughtful nod and left Stephen Strange's office thanking him on his way out . Bucky had been against a school where from the start Morgan had too many footsteps to fill in. But sometimes he also thought Bucky pampered her a little bit from time to time. He would talk to him again, after all, he had good arguments now!

Morgan Buchanan Stark  
  



	152. Outtake III: A gang of Space nerds Whoop it Up

Outtake III: **A gang of Space nerds Whoop it Up**  
  
  
"Loki's coming at the end of this month for a week!" Jane, who was spooning porridge into Erik's mouth, looked up at him, smiling. "Jane!" Thor shouted - too late, Erik's plump little hand slapped for the spoon. His mother looked stern and scolded playfully: “Have you caught Mommy again, you little rascal! You're a lot nicer with your daddy.” “No, he isn't His daddy only knows his tricks better.” “Have you heard, baby bear? Uncle Loki is coming soon!” Jane beamed at her son while carelessly scratching porridge from her jeans. “Did you say at the end of the month? Fantastic! We can take him to the annual party. It's always a fantastic night!” “As I know Loki, he'd rather take care of Erik and instead of himself send the babysitter to the party with us.” “Nonsense. He goes to parties all the time” “To parties he _has_ to go to.” “He'll have fun with us. I'm always telling everyone my brother-in-law is a Broadway star! When I'm taking him there, then...“, she fell silent looking a little embarrassed. Thor was giving her a knowing look. "Jane, what are you up to?" “I'm not up to anything!” She giggled, but blushed a bit all the same. Thor smiled: "Forlorn hope. Don't get your hopes up again to pair my brother with an astronomer.” “I'm not planning to.” It was the truth, so to speak. Moira was a geologist and Loki was exactly her type.  
  
From Thor she knew how interested his brother was in a romantic love affair and the brilliant colleague could well meet his demanding intellectual taste. She was a couple years his senior, but in Loki's eyes age was just a number, as she knew, a construct. Moira Bennett had a soft spot for tall, mysterious dark-haired men (oh, the cliché!) And after an unhappy marriage to a much older man she wanted to have a go the other direction, age-wise, as Jane had been told. Of course she didn't tell Thor any of this. The memory of an infamous 'double date' still tormented her at times. But this thing was quite different. Moira was really smart, well-educated and cultured. He would surely like her!  
  
He came on a Friday evening and so he and the Foster-Starks had a fun weekend. Thor and Jane were 'not allowed' to do any of their parenting duties. Loki insisted on spending all the time with Erik. This was a pleasure and pure relaxation after a turbulent 33/34 winter season on Broadway, surrounded by vanity, flattery and insincerity. Besides, the boy practically adored his uncle!  
  
“Tell me, brother, how are everyone? Is Morgan going to daycare?" Loki snorted: "She's only 21 months. She'll probably have to turn 21 _years_ for Bucky to release her from her parents' clutches." Thor laughed. "He's a lovely mother hen, let's have him got his fun." Loki agreed. "And you, little brother, are you having a little fun too?" Thor asked. Loki looked up. “My work is fulfilling. I have developed a position giving me a lot of freedom. I'm finally doing what I've worked hard for for years. With that alone I fill many hours of my everyday life. In any case, boredom is alien to me.” “And... ”, Thor hesitated, “do you see someone?” Loki laughed softly. “You're expressing yourself so carefully since you were a father. What do you mean? If I'm sleeping with someone?” Thor blushed a little, Loki noticed with amusement. Arizona wasn't New York, that much was certain.  
  
Thor grimaced at his little brother. "Especially you are appreciating the subtlety in words, I've thought." "But not from you! Don't plunge me into an identity crisis - it would be a shame to not being able to recognize you anymore.” Thor grinned broadly. "And? Do you or do you not?” Loki sighed. "After En Dwi, nobody's enthralled me again." Thor narrowed his eyes. “You've never told me what's happened. Has he done you wrong?” Loki snorted. "What if? Are you planning to confront him? So he can restore your little brother's honor? Do you want to duel him for my sake? Thor ... It was only an affair.” Thor hadn't liked that affair and he had found it difficult to hide it from Loki. En Dwi Gast (which surely was his pseudonym) was flamboyant bon vivant, several years older than Loki. They had been sleeping together for a while during their shared time at La MaMa Experimental Theater Club. " _Has_ he hurt you?" Thor growled. “You might as well ask him this question, brother. We didn't do each other well and ended it amicably.” Thor's eyebrows were still set angrily and he looked like having invisible storm clouds above his head. Loki wouldn't be surprised of a sudden thunderbolt. "Did you love him?" "Thor …" " _Did_ you?" Loki twisted his mouth in displeasure. "Worse.", He didn't look at his brother, "he loved me." Thor was thunderstruck.  
  
“Do you regret ...?” “I regret nothing. And that should give you the right picture of me. Brother, you tend to see me in a light I don't deserve.” “But ... Loki! It's not your fault if someone misjudges an affair. He must have known, I'm sure of it from the little that you've told me...” Loki interrupted him heatedly: “Maybe I haven't told you everything. I was ashamed! From day one, En Dwi and I had been sneaking around each other, each giving everything to make the other man fall in love. He because he wanted to conquer me and I because I wanted to win. I wanted him to fall in love with me with no intention of reciprocating those feelings. Just to prove myself because he called me a greenhorn and a bloody beginner when we'd first met. Vanity and arrogance drove me to trample on someone's feelings. Disgusting, as I'd known from the start, I'd leave when I reached my goal. That was perfidious, inhuman and cruel. I've said I have no regrets. But that's not true. I regret becoming that person. That depraved subject, that _monster._ I swore off the whole matter after.” Thor stared at him with an open mouth. “What exactly do you mean?” “What do I mean, Thor? Sex. I've sworn off _sex._ It evidently only unleashes the worst in people like me. And remember, I've basically always known that."

Thor remembered the conversations from their early twenties. “But Loki ... you can't give up love! Not you of all people! You believe in it so much and you've been longing for...” Loki interrupted him: " _Love!_ Brother, I don't give up love, I haven't said so. Aren't you listening?” He smiled. Thor saw it with relief, there had been little joy in their conversation... "Well. I understand you are now uncomfortable with that ugly episode. But remember: he was an experienced man. How many times did you say he was divorced?” “Three times.” Thor nodded affirmatively. “And you were barely 26. Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you not only caused him sorrow but also a lot of joy.” Loki looked at him strangely for some moment and burst out laughing: “Please don't talk about me like a concubine!” Thor joined in. At that moment Jane came into the living room. "What are you laughing at?" "If you're in need of college money for Erik, you can stun me to sell me in a harem." Jane looked from one to the other a little helpless, confused, but also amused. _Those two..._  
  
*  
  
In the end, Jane was able to persuade her brother-in-law to go to the annual party, which was held instead of a Christmas party at Kitt Peak Observatory. Astronomers were just too busy in the winter weeks. This annual party was a blast each time and not in the least formal. A gang of space nerds took a night off from the starry sky to whoop it up. Erik was in the care of a loyal babysitter and Thor, Jane and Loki, dressed casually chic, plunged into the fun. Jane and Thor soon found themselves in a noisy cluster of people, they were very popular! Loki withdrew to go to the bar. "Well, it's something! The little brother. Jane hasn't told me you were coming.” “Hey, Darce ... I recommend acting lessons. But even with practice it is difficult to act surprise.” “I'll try to remember. This is my intern by the way.”, Jane's assistant, Darcy Lewis, pointed at a somewhat bland young man who seemed to be hanging on her lips. “My name is Ian.” “Loki. _Intern?_ ” He asked with a sideways glance at Darcy. "Listen! Do you know how much data your sister-in-law's sending in every morning? You quickly lose track of things. I increased the budget for office supplies to the detriment of room maintenance in Jane's laboratory. Everything is much tidier anyway when she's not around. Voilà. My intern.” Loki grinned to himself and looked Ian in the face. “Charming, isn't she? _Office supplies_.” “I would work for Miss Lewis for free, too! And for Dr Foster, of course."  
  
“Well then, congratulations on your internship.” “Have you already been to the buffet, Lokes? They spared no expense this time. When I think of the shriveled cocktail sausages from last year. Very unsavory.” “We have only just come.” “Oh, then you definitely haven't... ”, she interrupted herself, “oops. Now I've almost given it away.” “And that has clearly been on purpose, as we both know. I'm not doing you a favor to follow up, anyway. I'm not a curious person.” “Ha! Too bad. Nobody here in the observatory could tell you more than me." He winked: "I'm convinced of that." Ian looked from his 'boss' to 'this Loki' and back again, puzzled. He didn't like this familiar way of talking they did. However, Darcy Lewis spoke like that to everyone, even Dr Selvig. "Hey!", Darcy called to the barkeeper, "two more glasses of champagne, and pronto!" The desired drinks appeared on the counter in no time at all. She gestured Loki to take one of them. Questioningly, he looked at Ian. "It's okay, go on. I can order myself." He didn't sound very happy. "Is Dr Selvig around, too?" Loki asked Jane's assistant. “He's buzzing around somewhere. Drink while it's still chill. It's also the finest. I hope this place won't go broke. Don't want to look for a new job.” “Expensive buffet, expensive champagne, expensive _office supplies_. If you ask me, you'd better have a look at the job market."  
  
"Pff, I'm not worried. I am irreplaceable for Jane.” “She really is! She's brilliant.“, Ian took his chance given to add something to the conversation. Darcy gave him a short smile. Poor boy ... thought Loki. “If you will excuse me now, I would like to say hello to Dr Selvig.” “Yes, yes, just go, we'll see you soon. And Loki! Watch out. There could be mountain lions in the area.” “ _Mountain lions_... at a party of Kitt Peak Observatory's." "Especially there.", she whistled a well-known melody from the musical 'Cougar' waving him goodbye with wiggling fingers. Loki rolled his eyes in amusement and went to look for Professor Selvig. As he left, he heard Darcy say anything but quietly to Ian: “He has become quite sociable. He used to be scary actually! Of course he's a millionaire too.” Ian's answer, if he gave one, he couldn't hear.  
  
The memory of an embarrassing 'double date' made him smirk. _Scary_... Yes, that had been a very appropriate description of himself from Darcy's point of view.  
  


******* "Loki! How are you?” Thor was in Chile with Jane for six weeks. His little brother was astonished about him calling. “I'm bored and the city is way too hot and stifling and crowded. I should have studied astrophysics like your girlfriend to be able to always live where it's winter.” “Today there's a bearable 56 degrees here around and this morning I needed a jacket outside.” “I hate you.” “Come to Santiago, a little change of air could do you good. You've said you were bored.” “Thor, I'm leaving one metropolis and its crowds to join the crowds in another? Not very likely, is it?” His brother laughed, “How nice you always respond to an invitation. You hardly know each other, Jane and you, it's time that changed.” “Isn't she busy? To the best of my knowledge, July is a busy month for astronomers in the southern hemisphere.” “Caught. Jane is actually very busy. She goes to the observatory for two weeks instead of the usual single days because a couple of very important people from Europe are coming to hold some congress. And I'll be left alone.” Loki chuckled, belying his next words: “Being the rebound guy for your sweet astrophysicist? Don't expect me to replace her in all circumstances.” “Does that mean you're coming?” Thor's voice was warm with joy. "Since you obviously don't know what to do with yourself for two weeks, I'm not like that." "You're not kidding me, you like to come!"

Ten hours on the plane was a challenge for Loki. He traveled first class - and yet. Accordingly, he arrived quite knocked-out. Thor picked him up and sent him to the guest room to sleep in after a plain dinner. The next day, rested and full of energy, he went sightseeing with Thor. His older brother, familiar with his preferences, had done research on the city extensively, and over the next days they visited museums, libraries, second-hand bookshops and one of Pablo Neruda's houses open to the public. The famous poet of bittersweet verses, especially on the subject of love, was highly valued by Loki. They spent one day in Valparaíso on the Pacific coast and one day they went skiing in Valle Nevado. They chatted and joked around like in the old days, when they had lived together in their parents' house as young adults. They were missing each other when Thor was abroad for a longer period...  
  
Jane was expected for the weekend. So Thor's plans for his favorite brother and his girlfriend to finally get to know each other a little better would still work out. Thor's stories had long made her curious. She only vaguely remembered him from Sanctuary High - even less than Thor. Both of them one year under her and in no multi-tier club she had been to, they simply had nothing to do with each other. He had to be very intelligent when, although two years younger, he went to the same year as Thor. She was excited!  
  
It was a Friday evening. Thor had ordered a special dinner from a restaurant and made Loki promise to go out with them later that night. They wanted to show him the live music bar they loved to go to. Over dinner, Jane told all sorts of weird anecdotes about the sometimes weird scientists (space nerds) attending the congress. Loki was good at countering this with quirky Broadway personalities. When it was time to change, Jane gave Thor a meaningful glance before leaving to change. He cleared his throat when they were alone: "Uh, Loki, you don't mind a friend of Jane's, her assistant Darcy, is coming with us, do you?" The look he got from his little brother would have knocked one weaker man than Thor Stark off his feet. He went on nervously: “The poor girl had been locked up on this mountain in the middle of nowhere for two weeks and it can be quite nice actually, don't you think so? She's funny and ... well, really cute.” “ _Cute?_ How in the world you can only guess this is a point when you're talking to me."  
  
(Thor was not aware of the 'conversation' Jane had had with Darcy on the drive from the observatory to Santiago, otherwise he would probably not have agreed to the 'double date'. “Soooo, Thor, the most handsome man under God's sun has got one little brother who is single and he's in Santiago at the moment.” “Darce...” “No, no, no, I just mean, yes. Just like that. How much younger is he?" Jane sighed: "Two years. “ “So, 25, yes? Oh, cool. They're still very much interested, not too ... tired yet and no more like early off-going fireworks, if you know what I mean.”

“Darcy. With everything Thor's told me about him, he's not very interested in dating." Her assistant and friend, wasn't even listening. "And he's a millionaire, too, isn't he? Not disinherited. And also not, well, kind of disfigured in any way or... gay, or something. Is he?” “Darcy, I have no idea, we haven't talked about that. In any case, him and Thor don't look alike at all.” “Oh, what a shame: What's he looking like?” “Uh...tall, black hair, I don't know!” “So he's ugly.” “No, he isn't!” Laughing out loud, Jane answered. "Hm, I have to make up my own mind. You have to work on your scientific curiosity a little more, Jane, memorizing the relevant details better."  
  
"The relevant details for you are obviously known to me: Yes, he _is_ a millionaire, all of the Stark sons are." "You say that as if I were a gold digger! Really. And you call yourself my friend. It is irrelevant. Although ... You can't deny how convenient a full bank account is, can you?” “I'm not interested in Thor's money.” “Yes, but you are a saint after all. And with everything you tell me, Thor is one, too. You've deserved each other. Heh! If you don't need Thor's money, well, I would take it. You don't have to introduce me to the mysterious little brother then. Why are you so afraid of it anyway? Do you think I'm embarrassing you? Hah! You think, I'm embarrassing you.” Jane couldn't really deny that. Darcy was a good-hearted person, but her running mouth and daring manner had already disturbed many a conversation partner ... And she knew from Thor his brother Loki was very demanding when it came to his company. "Jane? But I'm cute. Everyone thinks I'm cute!” She didn't miss the uncertainty in Darcy's voice. Nobody except her knew the friend hid a sensitive soul behind her behavior and had complexes. “Darce ... of course you are cute. And the best friend one can have. I'll be happy if you come with us later." Darcy Lewis clapped her hands, beaming.)  
  
“Loki ... you don't have to marry her right away. It's just a night out with friends. What can happen?” The younger one twisted the corner of his mouth. "That you and Jane will lack a friend after." "Nonsense!" Thor chuckled. "Well, I'll go change then. If I look at least respectable, I won't embarrass you so much in front of Jane's friend.” He went to the guest room. Thor was a bit queasy. He hurried to Jane. She wore a pretty dress with ankle boots, putting on her jewelry in front of the mirror. She hadn't put on make-up, Jane didn't need any either, and he liked her better without it anyway. “Hey beautiful, you're stunning. Are you even taking me with you like that?” Jane laughed. “Thor, really. You'd be an eye-catcher even in rags.", she looked at him briefly. "Yeah, looks good to my eyes." He kissed her. "What have you told Darcy?" He asked casually - well, as casually as Thor was able. "I haven't told her anything, only that ... why do you ask?" "Loki doesn't like people trying to set him up." Jane giggled a little nervously. "No! There can be no question of that. Well, Thor, we're not in high school anymore. I just think Darcy ought not to sit around alone the first night after our shift.” It was characteristic of Thor's nature he'd eaten this without further thought. "Good.", he smiled, relieved, "let's go?" "Yeah, let's go!"  
  
When they arrived at the bar, they looked for a table, the band wasn't playing yet, music from tape was playing softly in the background. Jane pulled out her phone. “Darce is a little late. She says we can order and don't have to wait for her.” Ten minutes later, Jane got a message. " _I'm out, pick me up._ " She apologized to go outside. Loki, sighing heavily, took a sip of his cocktail and gave Thor a dramatic look. “Well, can I be shown? Is my hair looking fine?” Thor grimaced. “What are you talking about?” “Do couples actually have to do that? Tear singles out of their satisfied bubble. I don't know about Jane and her 'cute' friend. But do you really feel compelled to play fate for me, brother?” Thor staring at him without any understanding convinced Loki his brother didn't seem to have the slightest intentions or ulterior motives about this, so he decided to be good and see where the night was going.  
  
Jane and Darcy made their way through the crowd. They had to stop a few yards from the table because a birthday parade was passing by. Darcy Lewis had a very good view of the table. "Oh! Is that him? He's ... He really doesn't look a bit like Thor.” “I've told you.” “You've also claimed he was tall. He doesn't look tall.” Jane rolled her eyes. “He's probably got long legs.” “Hmm. He's looking thin.” “Darce..." "Come down. I'm just making conversation.” “Listen. In fact, if I'm honest, I'd rather you _don't_ fancy him. Please don't make this awkward. A casual night with friends, nothing else.” “Jane!", Darcy made wide eyes, "You _are_ afraid, I'm embarrassing you.” “ Not yet. But ... just be a little ... uh, well, normal ...?” “What do you mean by that? Besides, I think he _is_ quite cute."  
  
"Oh no. Darcy, not cute.” “Why not cute?” “Believe me, with everything I know about him, he's not playing your 'cute-guy-games'.” “What is that supposed to be? So, Jane, you've become quite a snob since you're hanging out with millionaires.” “I'm not hanging out with millionaires.” “Right, you're only _making_ out with a millionaire.” “DARCE!” The friend chuckled carelessly. Jane couldn't help but giggle along. "Please, dearest, best Darcy, I beg you: I want him to like _me,_ he's important to Thor." Darcy pursed her lips. “If he doesn't like you, Thor has to sort out his priorities.” “You know what I mean.” “I'm showing myself at my best. When you get married to Thor you will adopt me, will you? You've said, you don't need his money.” “Oh God...”, Jane groaned, “don't say stuff like that at the table.” “Fine. Nobody is honest anymore telling what they think, tsas. "  
  
The night out wasn't exactly a disaster. Jane and Thor were too keen to make it nice for everyone. And since both were the most important people in the world to their table neighbors, Darcy and Loki made a real effort. But their very different natures were in both their way.  
  
Highlights had been: “So you're working on Broadway? I've heard there is nowhere else you can pick up someone faster, is that right?” - “In New York, rumor has it you can pick up someone literally everywhere. If you want to know where to pick up a man the fastest, I could be of advice, but I assure you, you are not those men's type.” Darcy raised her eyebrows at Jane, who tried to inconspicuously shrug her shoulder. … “You've got a degree in politics? Do you like your work as an astrophysicist's assistant?” - “My major was statistics. Data processing is my specialty. Plus, I was one of the _few_ responding to her ad at all and the _only_ one who didn't stumble backwards out of her chaotic lab. What can I say? Seeing her tights hung up to dry on a $100,000 telescope - I liked her straight away." - Jane groaned, "Darce..." - "What, I've meant it nicely!"  
  
Another 'conversation' went like this: “Must have been awful for you in high school with two older brothers. I bet all the teachers kept asking you if you were a relative of Thor's or the other one's.” (Darcy was _trying_ to get a chat going.) - “In high school I was in the same year as Thor.” Darcy looked puzzled at this one. "Loki skipped a class each in Elementary and Middle." - "Tell me, are you such an eager beaver?", she laughed at Loki. - “It has never been clear to me why being 'eager' was an insult. Eagerly striving for something, for example knowledge, what's wrong with that?” - “Oh, well. Uh, are you eagerly striving to know if I'd want another drink? Mine is finished.” She wiggled her empty glass deliberately. - “I haven't missed that.” Darcy blinked a few times changing the topic: “What was the last movie you've gone to see? I liked 'The Bread Basket War' very much.” - “I was last to the movies in November 2027 to see Nakamura Nao's last work before her death. A retrospective on the change of the image of women in Japanese literature.” - Darcy stared at him: “How did it end?” - “With the aftercredits. And the bread basket war?” - “The basket has surrendered.” Neither Thor nor Jane had ever seen two people talking so much past each other as Darcy and Loki.  
  
"Jane, I have to powder my nose." "Alright." "Ja-hane, I have to powder my no-hose." Jane understood. "Oh yeah. Me too, I think.” Loki said dryly. "I hope Darcy's got enough powder for the both of you, you'll need a lot after you haven't had any all evening." Jane giggled nervously and let Darcy pull her away from the table. "Brother," his tone dripped with sarcasm, "I think she doesn't like me." Thor chuckled: "No wonder. You're about as charming as a pitcher full of ice water.” Meanwhile in the ladies' room: "Jane! He's downright scary! Where on earth did the Starks get him from?” “Darce...", Jane laughed, “you're exaggerating. I've found most of what he's got to say very interesting. He's pretty clever.” “Then you take him. I'll be some comfort for Thor, don't worry.” Jane rolled her eyes. “I've been against it from the start.” “But that's not my fault. I am nice. I'm _adorable_!” “Of course you are, everyone thinks so. Except Loki Stark, I guess.” “Hmm. Really not gay?” “I still don't know. You definitely don't want me to ask him, I hope."  
  
The night out soon came to an end, which ultimately relieved everyone. The next day Loki dismissed Jane's half-hearted apology for goodbye with a jerk of his head smiling at her: "Ask Thor anything you want. After, you won't feel bad or guilty anymore. It wasn't up to you. Every man but me would be delighted to get to know cute Darcy, of that I'm convinced.” A couple of days later, Thor had told Jane about Loki's complex, complicated nature and his take on love and sexuality She scolded him a little. "You could have told me that sometime in advance, really now!" “Ah no. It was quite funny to watch. But tell me...”, he went serious, “haven't _you_ liked him either?” “What? But yes! He's quite interesting. A smart and witty guy. Unfortunately he must think I'm a goose after this awkward night." Thor laughed: "I don't think so. He would have told you.” Jane grinned crookedly. "Maybe he'll do so next time.” *******

"Dr Selvig, nice to meet you again!" "Loki, my boy, how are you?" They were talking for a while, helped themselves to the opulent buffet and before Loki had known, he had been at a party for almost two hours. A party, he had wanted to leave after a good hour. But the conversation with Erik Selvig was actually interesting. The Norwegian was of course a space nerd, too, but he knew a lot about Germanic mythology and was able to tell Loki one or two unknown tales from the 'life' of his namesake, the god of mischief. They were laughing together at a crazy story about Thor, the god of thunder, and Loki, Odin's favorite, both in women's robes, when Jane interrupted: “Loki! There you are! Erik, don't monopolize Loki's time like that. I want him to get to know our friends!” Erik smiled at her apologetically. "He's met Darcy's intern, after all." "First class _office supplies_ your assistant's equipped with." Jane laughed. “Dr Bennett, I would like you to meet my brother-in-law: Loki Stark. He's a director on Broadway and I'm not lying when I tell you he's the most well-read person in this hemisphere. Moira is a brilliant geologist and currently studying meteor rocks from the Antarctic.” Loki had to resist laughing. Jane sounded like that old cult novel from England - Bridget Jones. 'Always give some basic information when introducing people to each other at a party.' "Dr Bennett." He inclined his head.  
  
The attractive blond woman in her late thirties looked a bit cool. Her dark brown intelligent eyes scanned the Broadway director, subtly, but with Darcy's 'well-meaning' warning about mountain lions in mind, Loki had noticed, of course. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Stark. New York's Broadway, indeed? What are you working on right now?” Jane looked pleased. Asking Loki about his work was sure to lead to a stimulating conversation. And so it was. A lively exchange had the two people soon compelled. They were talking about the amalgamation of classic literature works and contemporary pop culture. Erik Selvig also listened with a great interest until Jane indicated wordlessly to leave the two of them alone. Not at all subtle, when he understood, he exclaimed: “Jane, I’ve just seen Dr Rearson over there. Let's go to him. He made an exciting discovery in an old scientific journal. You sure want to know about that too!” Moira Bennett of course noted the not-so-subtle departure, Loki anyway. "Astronomers. At night they can only be talking about stars, I think. But we've been talking of me the whole time. Tell me about the meteor, Dr Bennett.” “Moira, please. I appreciate your polite interest, Loki, but I'm a geologist and at parties I can leave my work behind.” “Very smart. It looks like theater directors are also used to talk all about work at night. Have I bored you?"  
  
"But no. Take a small walk with me, will you? The view from the terrace over Tuscon is breathtaking.” He gallantly offered her his arm. He had lied to Darcy. He _was_ a curious person and wanted to see what'd happen. When they got outside he was surprised. Amazingly, they were alone out there and Moira Bennett turned to him, taking a deep breath. “Look, I know what people at the observatory are talking about me. What of it have _you_ been told?” “Believe me, even if you find that difficult: Nothing. You look upset.” “Well. I appreciate Dr Foster very much, and am amazed at this procuring which does not in the least suit her in its clumsiness. And don't act surprised. You noticed, too.” Loki looked to the side, embarrassed, and ashamed of his own malicious thoughts, Darcy had planted in him with her 'warning'. "Moira. Please don't be cross with my sister-in-law. She and my brother Thor are overflowing with happiness of love, so she can hardly imagine there are people who do not want to force it. She had no evil in mind for anyone, I'm convinced of that."

She looked at him thoughtfully for a little while before her lips twisted into a friendly smile. “Very well, Loki. I believe you. First and foremost, because I certainly couldn't have been so mistaken about Jane Foster. But also because you seem so honest in your simple apology for her sake. You _are_ convincing.” He smiled thinly. “You have no idea.” “Oh yes, believe me, I do. But I'm at the end of a painful divorce and..." She took a deep breath. He got ahead of her: “You don't have to make this awkward for yourself. Let's just enjoy this party as if nothing had happened." She smiled gratefully and agreed: "But you have to tell me one thing: How has your sister-in-law come up with the idea it would be necessary to set up a man like you? You don't look in the least clumsy to me and – you may allow - you are very attractive.” “I can only give that back, Moira. As I've said - overflowing love happiness and a romantic penchant for tragic heroes..." She laughed: "Are you a tragic hero?” “In no way a hero, believe me. Let's go back inside.” “With pleasure."

"You allow me, brother, I cut in to steal your wife for a dance?" "We are talking." "Then I cut in the conversation. All of you, excuse us.", with that Loki pulled Jane to the dance floor. She blinked and asked: “Where have the two of you been suddenly?” “Sister-in-law, that doesn't work. Next time you wait for me asking you to introduce me to your newly divorced co-workers.” Jane bit her lip, her cheeks were a deep red. “Are you mad?” “No, I'm not. Take note: _again_ I'm not. You owe me some again. How have you come up with an idea like that?” “I-it wasn't exactly _my_ idea.” “Darcy, I suppose. It is thanks to my eloquence and charm, Dr Bennett is not seriously offended. You don't suggest a woman like her she needs help to win a man over." Jane grinned: "Ha! So you've liked her? I've known.” “Jane, _careful_ there.” “You're right. I've let myself carried away a bit. Aren't you lonely at times?” “Are you suggesting _I_ need to be helped to win over a woman?” Jane laughed: “Maybe I've thought I had to help you _notice_ a woman.” “Everything's fine with my eyes.” “You're an idiot. You know what I mean.” “And I mean it like this: if there is someone to notice, I do so, don't worry."  
  
"Will you forgive me?" He growled. “Please, Loki. And if not, at least keep smiling. Lots of people are watching us and they're my co-workers who like everyone had bet ever since, I'd never be able to figure out dating. Now look at me – company of millionaires!” He had to laugh at that. "Fine. No hard feelings. Has Thor known about it?” “Not a tiniest bit.” That finally had Loki get in a friendly mood again. Thor being involved would have hurt him way more than a harmless prank of Darcy's for which Jane had fallen somehow...

The party went on to the wee hours of the morning. Darcy and her intern were nowhere to be seen by eleven thirty already. Thor and Jane cheerfully had their fill of drinks but Loki, who knew how chipper Erik could be at six o'clock in the morning, was holding himself off. Grant the two of them their fun, he thought.

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some happy holidays everyone - whichever you're celebrating (or not - then have a nice day!)!


	153. Summer Before the Grand Opening

**Summer Before the Grand Opening**  
  
  
Will received a package a week before Loki's return from England. It contained a selection of goods from Tesco's house brand, the UK's largest supermarket chain. The short letter enclosed made him proud. “ _I passed Mrs. Jenkins last exam with flying colors. I can't wait to be with you again. Look forward to our first trip to the farmers' market and the mall. I'll also buy you something nice. Love, L_ “Attached was a receipt stating the customer had made their purchase in-store. When he picked up his husband at the airport in Winnipeg, he gave a completely different picture than at Christmas. His gait was springy, his head held high and his eyes were sparkling. After their hello kiss, Will asked: "Have you been able to get some sleep, yes?" “Let's go home quickly. I have to make love to you."  
  
Will gave a little giggle. Not that this wasn't entirely what he desired himself, but Loki had been on the plane for ten hours and, to the best of his knowledge, had been on his feet for 20 hours. Raised an eyebrow in mockery, he grinned down at him. "What? And then one always says distance's feeding the longing. All just myth. Too bad." Laughing, Will slapped him on the forearm: "Stop it, I am taking you home, to bed even. But if you fall asleep on top of me, you will hear it for a while.” They made for the exit. “Typical. Instead of appreciating my efforts, you are out to be a plague of husband. And now you're on your holidays at that. I have to endure you all day." Will smiled: “Same for me with you. It's a shared suffering." This time it was the fireworks one could have expected after a long separation. After, Loki slept though a good twelve hours. Will was overjoyed with his change since his last return from England. It had all turned out as they both had wished for. He was so proud of him.  
  
The next day they spent telling each other again everything they had experienced and Loki showed him all kinds of pictures and videos in a presentation; his master's thesis. “And what are you going to do now, Master of Arts in Theater Studies _and_ Theater Education?” “I've got different ideas. I would have to talk to father and Peter about the technical feasibility of a virtual theater house in order to be able to reach as many groups or school classes as possible. The infrastructure here around is not very suitable for classical theater education. Can we go to New York for a while this summer?” Will didn't answer immediately. Loki didn't know about his resignation and his plans to go back to New York with him and at that moment it dawned on him that it might not have been the best idea to decide that behind his back and go through with it head over heels. He blushed and the palms of his hands got damp. Loki was startled by his persistent silence: “Do you have other plans for summer, darling? Of course this can also wait until we fly down to the grand college opening in September. Do you want to be traveling a bit? Not the worst idea at all. A couple of long weeks, just the two of us. Somewhere where it's quiet and beautiful. I mean, even quieter and more beautiful than here.", laughing he interrupted himself and frowned, looking critically at Will.  
  
"I have to confess something to you!" The loud sudden exclamation, cried out in a mild despair made Loki wince and when he looked at his husband unfathomably, mildly curious, he seemed calm and collected, but Will knew him better: He had unsettled him, even scared a little. He quickly tried to joke: "Don't worry, it's not about a secret ex-husband again." A slightly darker expression came into Loki's nervously blinking bright eyes. Will swore suppressed. “Loki, love, I'm an idiot. I'm just so bad at this. Forgive me, please.” “What is there to forgive?” Loki asked tonelessly. “That I'm so clumsy. I did something that, well, at first it looked like the best idea in ages, uhm and then, well, I guess, uhm, it may be that I was a little hasty and that I should have discussed this with you beforehand and now I feel bad and, yes, like an idiot.” “I can only be thankful to have a certain amount of intellectual gift. I've hardly understood anything, but I can at least take from the whole of your rambling that this is not a confession of adultery or an affair.” Will stared at Loki, speechless.

"What? I was out of the country for five months after all.” Loki shrugged off the matter. "But..." Now it was Will's voice that's grown all flat and he blinked nervously. Was that a sufficient reason to be unfaithful to his spouse in Loki's eyes? Did that in the end mean...? He looked at his hands clasped in his lap swallowing hard. "Will ...?", all good spirits had disappeared from Loki's voice and Will hated himself thoroughly at that moment. What had he done? But he was paralyzed and couldn't get a single word past the big lump in his throat. Loki's cool voice pulled him out of his stupor: “You don't actually will confess, you...” “No!” He exclaimed excitedly, “of course not! I ... how have you got that thought?” “In the same way it is preoccupying you at the moment, I would say.” Will's jaw dropped. "Isn't it like that?", his expression was impenetrable, but his hunched shoulders indicated his labored control. Will sent a quick prayer to heaven: _Please no shutdown, please not. Not now!_ Loki took a deep breath. "What has become of our exemplary relationship conversation culture, my darling?" He sounded sad.  
  
"No! No, it's not like that. It's just ... I've done something very stupid, very hastily, and I ...” “What _have_ you done?" There wasn't much patience left in Loki's voice. Will frowned. "I quit my job.", Now it was out. From here on everything would get easier. Loki didn't react at all at first. Rather, he seemed to be waiting for Will to go on. Well, understandably, he had to admit. Gathering all his courage, he added, “So we can go to New York. So _you_ can be back in New York.” Loki's adam's apple jumped visibly from swallowing. "Loki ...?" His husband jumped up abruptly, white as a sheet, his hands were rammed in his pockets, clenched into fists. "Will... I ...please excuse me. I have to ... just excuse me.” He hurried out of the living room, leaving Will puzzled, with a wildly pounding heart. Before he could decide whether to follow or not, he heard the front door open and slam heavily into the lock again. He buried his face in his hands helplessly. What a wretched ninny and coward he was. Loki sometimes needed time to collect himself, he knew well from the first years of their relationship. Was he right? Had they lost their ability to have good and fruitful relationship conversations? Desperate, he shook his head, not willing to believe so.  
  
*  
  
Steve and Bucky pored over the letter from the New York School Board. The list of private middle schools offering to take in Morgan Buchanan Stark was short, and not a single one coincided with any of those they'd wished for. The soon-to-be twelve-year-old had already been in Wakanda for over two weeks and wasn't missing her parents a bit (which Bucky naturally thought was acted on. He needed this for his peace of mind.). Bucky and Steve had spent two blissful weeks in their cabin and if Bucky were completely honest with himself, he would have to admit the longing for his daughter was also a bit limited at times (but Bucky was just not that good at being honest to himself.). It had been wonderful to just be a couple again after all those years. They wisely had left the schooling question in New York, but now it went urgent. The children had to be registered by the end of July. “Preston Middle's got a modern swimming pool, she might like it there.” “No, no soccer team for girls.” “She can play in the boys' team, she's definitely good enough!” “The school authorities only allow mixed teams again in junior high, don't ask me why." "Well, not Preston then. What do you think of Burlington's?"  
  
Bucky typed 'Burlington Girls Institute' into the browser of the StarkPathfinder search engine. “In general, I don't find a girls-only school particularly suitable. Morgan gets along much better with boys, but let's see. Many of the girls' schools cooperate with boys' schools for leisure activities... Oh no. That's out of the question.” He pushed the StarkPad over to Steve. The Burlington Girls Institute was firmly in the hands of a Protestant group openly promoting homophobia. "How come they even want to take in a child with two fathers?" Bucky laughed cheerlessly: "Either they are concerned about Morgan's salvation and want to 'save' her or they promise themselves generous donations from your and her sonorous surname.” Steve laughed crossing out the school's name with his felt pen. "Archibald's School of Fine Education?" Steve typed the idiotic name into the search bar. "Oh, my God," he groaned, "an hour of etiquette each day - perfect preparation for a life in high society." Bucky howled mockingly and then grinned, "Hogwarts is still not on the list, is it?" Steve laughed, but only for a short while. _Time to get down to business,_ he thought.  
  
He had to have this conversation with Bucky finally. "What about the list of schools who will consider her when she's taking an entrance exam?" "Let's see." Steve hesitated to give him the list. "Sanctuary Middle is among them." "Steve..." Bucky's expression closed. "What? I'm only the headmaster of High and it's a great school!” “Erik will go there.” “Morgan is quite fond of him.” “Yes, without a doubt. Since she doesn't have to compete with him.” “She doesn't have to at all! Bucky, look: they have few common interests, probably hardly any common classes. Stephen doesn't see this as a problem either.” “You've talked to Dr Strange about it?” “Bucky! Parents do that. They talk to teachers and principals." Bucky took the list from Steve to be scanning it. “Future Olympic Youngsters High is on the list too.” “And they're demanding a math exam. Do you want to send Morgan to summer classes when she's back from Wakanda?” “Perhaps she wouldn’t love to go to them but would make an effort anyway. With the prospect of having to go to one of the horrible schools which take her in without further exams.” “Do you even know what Morgan wants?” Bucky looked indignantly at his husband, but a sense of guilt had crept into his features.  
  
“She has not positioned herself concretely on the subject. But I've thought we all agreed Sanctuary was not the best choice, for several reasons." Steve took heart taking a deep breath: "And all of them are _your_ reasons, Bucky.” “What do you mean by that?” “You think it could bother her not being able to keep up. Not being good enough. You see too much of yourself in Morgan if you ask me. She is like you in many ways, but not one bit in this one. Don't you agree with me? Or do you think Morgan is over-ambitious and feels like she has to keep proving herself?” Bucky worried his lower lip. Deep in his mind, he muttered, "Not my favorite character analysis you've ever given on me." "Listen, Bucky: your father had made you that way and you worked hard to make someone valuable out of those qualities." He looked up and smiled wryly. “I've never wanted her to be like me.” “And you've done everything to ensure she never has to _feel_ like you. You've done great.” “But?” “But we both wish for Morgan not to develop a false ambition, don't we?” Softly, Bucky replied: “...by passing something of me on her that's not there in the slightest.” Steve nodded in relief. For years, admitting truths like this hadn't been possible for Bucky. A wave of love and pride swelled up in his chest. He grabbed Bucky's hand to pull him next to himself. He didn't resist a bit.  
  
"Baby, forgive me for touching old wounds," he whispered, "but I know, in the bottom of your heart you're aware of all of this and there is no reason at all to feel guilty about anything." That old habit wasn't quite gone, they both knew. He let himself sink against Steve, breathing: “Maybe you're right. We'll ask Morgan to make up her mind herself when she's back. I promise to speak carefully during the conversation.” Steve kissed his forehead gently. Moments like these proved how much Bucky loved their daughter. Not only to put up with defeat, but to consciously cause it, he had always been quite bad at that. But not for Morgan. For her he always gave effort to be the best who was in him. "I love you." "Actually? That's good." They kissed...  
  
*  
  
"Peter!", MJ called from her study, "I'm going nuts." Curious he went to her. “They're writing they can check the safety standards of the sports hall and the teaching kitchen in August at the earliest.” The annoying correspondence with the New York building authorities had been going on and on for weeks. If deficiencies were found in the safety standards, there was hardly enough time to remedy them before the opening in September. Their range of classes and leisure activities would be reduced as a result. It was just one of many stumbling blocks in the last few months before the big day. MJ had fought a similarly tough battle with the Education Oversight over getting recognition for her March training course, where she had got the license that would entitle Michelle Jones to run a college as a director. She was fighting on many fronts like a lioness. A person with less energy would probably have broken down or given up. Thor had been of great help in getting her nursery school license. She was still ever-so-grateful the Foster-Starks had moved to New York. Also because they were wonderful people. She and Peter often spent time in the noisy, fun house.  
  
"Let's see." He held out his hand and she gave him the letter. “It's always the same office clerk: William Riva. Have you noticed, too?” She frowned, went to the shelf to get the folder with the label 'Building Authority'. This officer had made it difficult for her from the start, she noted. “That can also be a coincidence. He's probably responsible for the letters H to K and is simply a son of a bitch, as there are some in all authorities.” “Maybe. Can you make appointments with him?” “What are you going to do?” “I've wanted to try 'being nice'. Some people just want to be asked really nicely.” She laughed. “I'm not nice, am I?” “Of course you are nice! But we don't want Mister Riva to feel fooled when a pretty woman like you comes and in the end he thinks you want to make eyes at him. It's the wrong message. I've wanted to try it with naive charm.” “Okay, I actually don't have that. There is a hotline for making appointments. It's worth a try.” Peter immediately phoned the authorities and got an appointment early next week.  
  
The next pressing problem was the vacancy of the director of studies. With that too, she had the problem that apparently many people with a high level of education and the necessary skills were reluctant to work with students who came from a certain background. Arrogant pack. She sighed: “Why do the Harringtons live in Canada? Will would be ideal!” “But would he want to give up teaching?” “The number of hours for the director of studies at a college of this size is 22 hours a week. There would be enough time to give lectures. As a visiting professor of linguistics and English literature, he would probably be rolled out the red carpet everywhere in New York. The budgets for permanent appointments in this area are pretty tight.” Peter looked at his girlfriend in admiration. “I'm always fascinated by how much you know!” She laughed: “Thank you, you genius. Likewise.” “No no, I'm serious! As if you've been doing this for many years and not just since your first master's semester. You're amazing, unbelievable.” She tossed back her curly mane smiling coquettishly. "Come over here, then you might believe it." She pulled him onto her lap, one leg on each side and they kissed. "That's nice," she whispered, "it's a shame you are so expensive, I would make you my secretary." "And I would spend my entire professional life on your lap."  
  
*  
  
The Foster-Starks settled in well in New York. Erik was delighted with the incredible range of leisure activities and was looking forward to the time when Morgan was back from Wakanda and he could do all sorts of cool stuff with her over summer. Fandral was in a musical day camp, where he learned the basics of rhythm, percussion and drums. The school he was supposed to attend from autumn had made a good impression on him, the school instruments were valuable and they all sounded wonderful. Hela still preferred to be at home, painting, tinkering and modeling all day long. Her parents had a small studio built into the house for her and after just a few weeks her works filled large shelves and the walls of the whole house. Her creative power was enormous. Morgan was delighted about the fact her little cousin was about to go to 'her' Montessori school. It was just a shame herself would be no longer there. But then at least she was no longer the only one in the family to have attended a special school. During semester break, Jane worked a couple hours a week in the astrophysics and astronomy department at Columbia, familiarizing herself with the technology used there. Sometimes she invited her brother-in-law for company. Bucky found the astrolaboratory absolutely amazing. And he was happy he and Jane were finally making friends now, too.  
  
Thor was busy setting up the college's nursery school and choosing from the now countless applicants who would form a good team with him. His motivational clips, as well as Steve's speeches at college events, had exactly the effect Peter had foreseen: It was now only a matter of picking out those who had followed his call not only because of Thor's handsome face. But that was relatively easy when he attended the interviews himself. He felt quite comfortable on MJ's team. He liked the short locksmith and mechanic Eitri from the first moment and they quickly became good friends. It was much more difficult for him to warm up to En Dwi Gast. The man (married for the fourth time in the meantime) could at best be described as eccentric and what Loki might have found in him all those years ago, he did not understand. But he was harmless in spite of everything, and one of the best at his job. He could easily have had a brilliant career, for example in business - as PR head of a multi-million dollar company. The fact he devoted himself to a matter like MJ's college association spoke for him. When he once politely asked Thor about his younger brother, he told him how happy Loki was with his Canadian husband. En Dwi Gast seemed genuinely happy for him, so Thor started to go on well with the man.  
  
He played soccer with Bucky and Scott Lang once a week and, as an offensive player, was a worthy opponent in training matches for his brother-in-law. He and Jane were sociable and kept inviting all of the Starks into their home. It was easier for them than leaving the house with all the kids. Their house in Malba, Queens, a quiet, pretty suburb overlooking Francis Lewis Park, quickly became the focus of the family. Babysitting Hela and the boys was always a pleasure for Tony and Pepper, so Jane and Thor could really get to know New York again. But they soon discovered the seething club and party life no longer suited them - perhaps it had never done so and limited themselves to go out for dinner regularly or going to the movies. Otherwise they enjoyed their family life and their togetherness at nights. Thor had to admit, for all the good things about being back home, New York wasn't the same without Loki. It was strange to live in this city without him ... But: Winnipeg was only a three-hour flight from New York City and, after all, Loki, as he had discovered with relief, had not stayed in England. He and Will maybe would be in town for a couple of weeks this summer. He was looking forward to it.  
  
*  
  
Less than an hour after Loki had left the house in a hurry, he called Will. "Darling! Where are you?” “At the river, our favorite spot. Will, I'm sorry...” “ No!", Will interrupted him passionately, "You don't have to be sorry for anything, I..." Now Loki interrupted him: "Can you come here?” “Yes please! Anything you want,love. I'll be there in ten minutes.” “You don't have to get a ticket, I'll also be here in 15 minutes, still.” Loki's amused tone relieved Will, maybe this wasn't as bad as he had pictured. "Don't go away." "But no, darling, definitely not." Thirteen minutes later, Will found his husband on a bench not far from where he had apologized for mocking Will's romantic ideas about weddings three and a half years ago. He stopped in front of him, undecided. Loki reached out a hand to pull him next to himself when he took it. The other hand was behind his back. Pulling it out with a wry smile he presented William... a mistletoe. He had to laugh, took it and held it above Loki's head. He pursed his lips in a playful manner. After a long kiss, they met each other's eyes.  
  
"Loki, I don't even know how I..." he fell silent because his lover had put his fingertips on his lips. "Let me go first." He nodded. "Mrs. Jenkins gave me valuable advice: Now that I am not running away from so many situations but rather face them, I ought to take the freedom to evade an impending overload or shutdown at least when I can be sure to be forgiven. And you, my dear one, you certainly deserve far less that I elude you than an annoyed subway ticket seller, you least of all, by the way. But since it is you who forgive me the easiest, I take the chance with you.” “With every right and with all certainty to be forgiven and understood. _Always_ , love.” “Yes, I know. And you know, no matter how hard I try and work on myself, I _am_ autistic and my brain's working in a twisted way from time to time and it will be like that forever, until I'll die. And it will happen again and again - even if maybe less and less - too much of information and sensation can always be overwhelming me.” “That's happened, I understand.” Loki nodded.

"I've hardly recovered from fear and discomfort you might have found comfort in a strangers' arms after being alone for too long, before..." Will reached for his upper arm excitedly: "Loki! How can you...? I would never ... I love you and would never even consider someone else even in theory, and most certainly I would not seek brief physical pleasure in the cheapest way only because you were out of the country for a while.” “I haven't mean to offend you . But isn't it very classic to introduce the admission of marital infidelity with the words 'I have to confess something'?” “Oh.", Will said, embarrassed, "you are probably right. Forgive me, I haven't meant to.” “Well, silly, I know, you haven't. But since those thoughts and emotions were present in me, crushing down on me and soon you 'confessed' something that could have had a thousand scenarios in advance and a good part of them conjured themselves in my mind before I could even free myself from my first stressing out. A shutdown's already been within reach. I've felt it approaching with rapid strides. I've had to leave. Do you forgive me?” “Of course I do, silly.”, he put a warm hand on Loki's somewhat cool cheek. It was a bit chill today for June. "But tell me, what a thousand scenarios could have made me quit my job?" Loki sighed heavily.  
  
“No, that's tiring us both unnecessarily, going too far and nowhere anyway. However, I would like to know: you still don't know how happy I am here with you? And how much I enjoy our life and how fulfilled I am with you? No matter where?” “Loki, I... of course I know, you're happy. If you weren't, I would know. If you weren't and I wouldn't know, I would be a terrible person and husband.” “Which you are not.” “And never want to be. The news Thor and his family are coming to New York ... I loved our time with them in Tuscon, despite the dreadful circumsatnces! They are wonderful people, all of them and the children are a source of great joy and since we haven't got own ones...”, he interrupted himself nervously at the strange look in Loki's eyes. “Will ...”, Loki breathed hoarsely, “you have ... you've never talked about it! Have you ever wished for children?” Will sighed. "I dont know. For a long time I've lived a life where even in theory it would have been absurd. And when you came into it, for a long time our life wasn’t one where that would have fit in, either and I've actually never really thought about it seriously. But having Thor's children or Morgan around me gives me a lot of joy and I... Loki, I haven't had a family around me for almost 25 years after my own had abandoned me and I... haven't been allowed to meet my English nieces and nephews... Well, it looks it's me who wants to go to New York.” Loki looked at him speechless. Will hurried to go on:  
  
“I'm sorry I communicated this incorrectly, but I've thought I was making you happy with it, too. I know how attached you are to all of them and after all I can work anywhere with my education and experience and you ... you could create something new and great for young people in New York. Open up the beauty of theater and language and poetry for them. You can reach so many in a metropolitan area!” Loki still said nothing. William went on nervously: "I'm almost 45. Having own children is probably not the best idea anymore, but we could be part of our family's children's lives, dearest." He paused, raising his eyebrows, "Tell me, how have you actually thought about the matter – regarding an own family? I don't even know whether you've ever wanted to have children.” Loki's gaze went into the distance, his features softened. "I love children. Peter as a baby sparked this love in the weird ten year old I was then, and every Stark baby nourished it. Especially of course Erik, who was quite close to me in the first years of his life and now Hela, with whom I click better than anyone else in the family. But just like you, for many years my life simply has not allowed for serious consideration. And now? Now that I'm only just learning simple things myself at 38, such as taking the subway or doing the weekly grocery shopping, I would probably not be the best father."  
  
“Loki, don't talk like that, you're awesome at dealing with all the children in the family.” Loki sighed and took a deep breath: “I don't feel ready to cope with the sensations and emotions a parent's fear of loss can cause. Less than two hours ago I had to leave our house because the sensations of a possible, if only brief, loss of your faithful devotion to me was overwhelming me. I don't think I would be strong enough to be a father and I deeply admire anyone who masters it like mine or Thor or Bucky and Steve.” “And rightly so. They are all great fathers.” “That's them. But in contrast to Steve, for example, I did not establish this life plan in myself as a child already and have no regrets. I do not long for something I do not have.” “I feel the same, dear. Bucky once told me he also had early developed this desire, in his early 20s. Yes, it took him some years to understand, Steve doesn't necessarily needs to have own children for his salvation. I'm actually amazed they don't have half a dozen.” Loki laughed softly. "There _are_ half a dozen in Lady Morgan, jack-of-all-trades she is." Will grinned.  
  
“And?” Loki asked, “are we going to New York?” “Why are you asking me? After all, I've surprised you with plans for the future and your approval is still pending.” “Well, I've also told you throughout this conversation that I _am_ very happy, here, with you, and fulfilled. It is possible your opinion on relocation is now wavering. After all, it is you who would give up your life's work here.” “My life's work? ...a reasonably tidy house and a university post that could be held anywhere in the world.” “Will, is this true and really your wish, to go to New York? You don't want it for my sake?” “Would that be so bad?” “Yes, indeed. I wouldn't want it if it was like that.” William thought for a little while, giving his answer the appropriate meaning. "Let's move to New York and be the best uncles on God's green earth!" Loki searched his face for signs of uncertainty and found none. His lips curled up in a beaming smile. “Then be it. But I have to insist: You can only take a maximum of three gnarled, knobby twigs there.” Will laughed out loud. After he muted his cheeky husband with kissing him stormily.  
  
*  
  
Peter had casually mentioned the appointment with Mr Riva to his dad on the phone. The name rang in Tony's memory. William Riva had been an engineer at Stark Industries over 15 years ago and at the time he was caught up in a severe alcohol addiction. He had caused laboratory accidents and when Tony suggested to take sick leave to go to rehab, he steadfastly refused. So the Starks fired him with a generous severance payment - his family shouldn't get into trouble. It was hard enough for them with an addict. Tony decided to let his junior do this in his own way. More drastic measures could be taken after the appointment. There were still over 12 weeks until the big day.

It turned out Peter had an amazing knack for offended, hateful SI ex-employees. His deeply sincere and humble appeal to Mr Riva not to use old grudges as an opportunity to block so many the chance for a valuable future, worked. And when Mr Riva asked about an education possibility for one of his own children, a high school dropout - the sensitive boy had, when he had been a child, suffered a lot from his father's addiction - Peter explained that the still nameless college was exactly the place for young people like Clive Riva. The building authority clerk gave his heart a nudge and promised to give priority to the safety check for the gym and training kitchen. When MJ casually told her father-in-law the next week, Tony Stark was so proud of his baby. Once more...  
  
**************************************

Thor through the years:  
  
  
  



	154. Outtake IV: “Will that be all, Mr Stark?”

Outtake IV: **“Will that be all, Mr Stark?”  
**  
  
(02/14/2016)  
  
“Have you soon finished playing? I'd like some juice too.” Loki ignored his brother. The nine-year-old was swinging the carafe with orange juice around in small circles, while fascinatedly watching the tiny pieces of fruit rise and fall in small spirals. "Mom! I'd really like to have some juice!” “You're not dying of thirst, Thor. He will be finished soon.” “Dad!”, Steve's voice drowned out Thor's grumbling effortlessly: “Yesterday I've been on the homework in Science forever. There's something, I don't understand. We're supposed to create the copper/oxygen mole balance in a mixture of copper and water and...” Loki said, somewhat absently, but loud enough to interrupt his brother: "That's easy. Is it copper-one-oxide or copper-two-oxide?” “Can I have the juice now?” Steve shouted desperately: “Is there more than one copper oxide?” Loki replied unmoved: “Is there more than one way atoms are binding to each other?"  
  
"If I guess it correctly, will I get the juice?" Loki slammed the carafe on the table in front of his brother, it spilled over a little. _“Are_ you satisfied now?” “Sure am!” “Dad! I don't know which copper oxide it is!” “We'll have a look into that later, Steve.” “Do you have to do homework too, Thor, Loki? You know we want to go to the action park later.” “English only, mother.” “I've done everything!” Loki teased: “Tried, but not done, I guess.” Tony said: “Loki... that's his business.“ Thor quickly changed the subject. "Mom, can you ask Mrs. Watson where my Neckdeep T-shirt went?" "Search for it in the black hole!" Thor grinned at Loki. "So in your soul?" "Or in your brain." Thor poured himself another glass of orange juice forcefully – it went out more than full and spilled over. "You better watch out, clumsy! I don't think there's a whole glass left for me now.” Steve nagged. Tony looked over the breakfast chaos on the table into his wife's face, silently mouthing 'Happy Valentine's Day'. Pepper laughed.  
  
*  
  
After breakfast, Tony sat down with Steve to unravel the copper oxide dilemma. Pepper dared to go into the shallows of the 'black hole' - Thor's room – to hep him look for the beloved T-shirt. She spent two hours there, keeping her eyes on the boy. As soon as she'd entered the room she had instructed him to clean up. He grumbled, muttered, groaned and made puppy eyes. All of it wasn't helping. But at least he found the T-shirt, sniffed at it and went into the bathroom to generously spray it with deodorant. He wanted to wear it for school the next day. Pepper winced at this with disgust, but she didn't want to scold him again. In fact, she'd wanted to ask Thor something for a long time: "Tell me, has Loki still got no friends with whom he can have lunch?" Her 'informant' balanced a swaying, high stack of comic books, feeling his way to the shelf. He could hardly see above. “He says he doesn't mind. I'd be with him, but he doesn't want me to. He's always reading.” “Are the other children mocking him about it?” “Not when I'm around. None of the little snotty-nosed dares. Anyone who's messing with a Stark, gets some on his nose!"  
  
“Thor, you shouldn't be fighting. There are troubleshooters in your school and prefects or liaison teachers. You children must learn to resolve your disputes in a civilized way.” Thor wasn't looking at his mother when he muttered, “Yes, Mom, I know. I'm sorry.” He knew how much she disapproved of him putting on a strongman act. But it had helped! Ever since he had bloodied Billy Snow's nose – for which he had to stay in detention for a week - the brat at least left his little brother alone when Thor was around. He felt, Loki was suffering when they called him a nerd, a nutcase, a _freak_! He didn't show, smart as he was, but Thor sometimes thought he could see a bit of fear in his brothers pale eyes, as if Loki was wondering if they all were right. But they weren't. They all just didn't understand him because he was so smart - Thor didn't understand him himself! But Loki _wasn't_ a freak! Certainly not.

The subject of thought had strolled into the library looking for texts about love - it was Valentine's Day and for English he had to write an essay on the subject of 'What is love?'. They had been told to do 800 words about this nonsense. His teacher, a young romantic thing, must have lost her marbles! With his first attempt at an encyclopedic-like, factual text, he'd got a rough 500 words together. Realizing that that was probably not what Miss Perry wanted to read anyway, he'd decided to do some research. After an hour of reading a collection of poems by Pablo Neruda, which he often noticed his mother was reading, he knew only one thing more about love than before: _Without him, no thanks_. Then he came across the 'Ode to Tomatoes'. Well, maybe he could accomplish an insight on the love for food, he just had to think of Thor. Or about the love for books, as with himself or his mother. Or the love for a mother. But no, that was really none of Miss Perry's business. But what about things what love could do - thinking of the Trojan War or imagine where love has driven two teenagers like Romeo and Juliet - to suicide! The love for money turned many people into bad criminals! He could work with all his new ideas! What was forgotten was what Mrs. Perry probably wanted to be reading...  
  
*  
  
The couple spent the afternoon in an activity park with their three boys. Thor and Steve were engaging in a kart race while Loki was god-knows-where doing the only activity of interest to him: a mystery murder puzzle. He had been given a questionnaire full of tasks and was chasing a sequential scavenger hunt across the entire site to track down the missing mascot. Tony and Pepper Stark had cappuccino in the visitor's restaurant. "I think they haven't argued in 49 minutes." Pepper shook her head with a smile. “They're boys.” “I'm sure, if we hadn't anyway given up after Loki, we would've still never got our Hela. Imagine more of the kind. You could let estimate my age and leave me in the retirement home! A family breakfast like this makes me age by years in no time.” “You still seem quite vigorous to me.” “So there are no rheumatism blankets or trekking sandals as gifts for Valentine's Day?” “Tony!”, laughed his wife, “you're exaggerating! Think of this: Thor asked me last week, if I even remember my school days, when it was ages ago."  
  
“They are so cruel.” “And Steve indicated he was worried I would work too much and asked if I would not feel like trying a new hobby. It seems he's looking for ideas for a birthday present.” “And what do you think you're getting? Knitting needles? Mason jars?” “If the boy had a little more humor and weren't so uptight, a 'sex in old age' advisor would have had a certain spicing with a wink.” “Steve is not uptight.” She gave her husband a knowing look. “What?”, he grinned, “do you know something I don't?” “I think he found the Victoria's Secrets catalog in my office when I asked him to get something there. He came back bright red like a tomato. The catalog was gone after." Tony laughed: "he went probably all red because he'd stolen an underwear catalog from his mother.” “The catalog was in the recycle paper, I've seen it there." Tony asked dryly: "And, have you checked whether pages were missing?” Pepper looked at him with wide eyes. " _Boys ..._ " she whispered. Her husband smirked. “I would have done it like that. He's my son, after all." Pepper giggled: "I hope so - for him." (There were actually a couple of pages from an underwear catalog under Steve's mattress.)  
  
“I've asked Thor about Loki. He fought over him again.” Tony also knew his wife wasn't appreciating machoism and muscle play. Still, he was proud of his Sunny. How stubbornly the eleven-year-old tried to win the friendship of his complicated little brother, no matter how often he pushed him away - it was touching! Hopefully one day the boy would return the brotherly fondness. There was so much to gain for both boys! “Thor is just wild. He will outgrow from it over the years. He stands up for his actions and accepts punishment like a man. It's not all bad about it. When we were his age, boys used to take care of matters this way and no one found anything about it. Many conflicts were nipped in the bud.” “Oh yes, the good old days?” Pepper grinned. "In my old age one's getting nostalgic." She smiled: "What do you want to hear now?" "Perhaps that you regret it a little bit we've decided to not go out this Valentine's Day, but to spend with what is closest to our hearts - our lovely brood." At that moment Thor's booming voice startled them (and everyone around): "I've won! Steve's eaten my dust!" His big brother was nagging in a whiny tone: "He's cheated. You are not allowed to overtake on the right." They looked at each other and before the boys were at the table, Pepper whispered: "We must have been nuts."  
  
The oldest Stark boy got his revenge at laser tag. He gathered a group around him, distributed them strategically and with their help he was constantly able to switch his brother off. Thor took it with humor, making a big deal about each 'heroic death', which Steve was soon embarrassed at and when one in his group asked: “Are you related to that dumbass?” He replied: “I've never seen them in my life.” Their parents with only mild interest followed their scores on the monitors from outside. Steve's (player name _Freedom_ ) score kept growing. It would make him happy. “He's so ambitious and addicted to assertiveness. I hope it doesn't make him bitter.” “Why would it?” “He's inheriting an onerous legacy. A father like Tony Stark is a big number for a boy.” “You don't say.” Tony sighed: “but you don't have to worry about Steve. His interests are in such a completely different area than mine, he will never really have to compete with me” “Will Thor have to, or Loki?” “I think Thor has absolutely no desire to seek competition in his own family - apart from karting. And Loki?” He sighed heavily, “isn't he already? Competing with me?” “Tony...", she squeezed his hand, "he will understand and my overly great importance for him will fade away. Give yourselves a little more time."  
  
Giving a sad but knowing nod he changed the subject: “And? When are we giving each other presents, honey? It's Valentine's Day.” “Anthony Edward Stark, you are terrible. We have agreed we don’t give each other anything.” “Does that mean you've got nothing for me? Ungrateful woman.” “I have no _present_. As we agreed. I only have one little token of my esteem.” “Well, that's a good thing: I've also got only one ... little token of my esteem.” “You are lying so shamelessly. Your _'tokens'_ are other men's gifts of the next century.” “Are you accusing me of being a genius? How mean you are. My genius saves you from selling flowers on the church portals while I haul cargo at the docks so our children can go to school. Besides, I'm not lying. I only express truth in a differentiated way.” “You are an idiot.”, She smiled. “I'm _your_ idiot.” The affectionate kiss was interrupted by an annoyed voice: “Can't you leave that be? You are so awkward.” Loki had solved the mystery murder puzzle, obviously, and had appeared next to them inaudibly, as was his way. He handed the completed questionnaire to his mother. She noticed innumerable notes in his fine handwriting (probably instructions and suggestions for improvement) with many exclamation marks around the edges. “It was easy. Do people need three hours for this?” Loki had been around to do it in only 90 minutes.  
  
*  
  
Dinner in a combined Asian / burger restaurant brought out all the good sides of the Starks' offspring. _Not_. "Miss. What in the global encyclopedias written in all culinary sakes is a Szechuan burger, please?” The waitress had not understood the child (at least the person speaking like a university professor _looked_ like a child). "Loki, don't annoy the lady!", Steve hissed, who stared at the pretty girl with flushed cheeks, while Thor stuck a pair of chopsticks in the corners of his mouth singing muffled: "I am the Walrus." Loki ignored Steve. The waitress, too. Mildly desperate, she rattled down: “The Szechuan burger consists of white flour buns and a beef patty. It is topped with a rich selection of Chinese vegetables, cheddar and seasoned with a spicy Szechuan sauce.” “What are those Chinese vegetables? Are they imported?” “Loki”, his mother intervened, “We've discussed that already.” The gentle rebuke of his mother, not always asking waiters and salesmen about the exact chain of origin of their supplies offered, but of course Loki had something else to say, “Does Szechuan cuisine include cheddar? I don't think so. People on the Asian continent do not tolerate dairy products because..." Steve stepped in, loudly and vehemently: "I'm sure she knows already, Loki. Stop it and order some food finally! "

That didn't have the effect Steve wanted, namely that the pretty waitress finally gave him her attention. "Oh, don't worry, that's interesting." With that, Cerise, as her name tag revealed, wanted to buy time. Steve looked a bit pissed. He would still text Bucky later he had flirted with the cute waitress (which he was _of course_ very happy about). Loki looked triumphantly at his big brother. Thor shouted: “I'm about to starve! I'll take satay, a chili burger menu with extra fries and a large helping of egg noodles!” “We can hardly await you to order dessert.” Loki smiled sweetly. Thor was immune to sarcasm: “Oh yes, dessert! Do you have waffles?” Tony cleared his throat, smiling apologetically at Cerise: “Maybe you'll just come back in ten minutes, we'll clarify the ordering internally. Please be so kind to let someone just get us some soft drinks and chips as starters.” The waitress beamed at him relieved, fluttering her eyelashes: "I would love to, sir. I'm on my way." Pepper coughed, Steve looked even more disgruntled and Thor said: "But you've noted my order, haven't you? And please ask for waffles!” “Greedy guts.” (Loki) “Starveling!” (Thor's appropriate answer). "Gee..." (Steve's low groan).  
  
*  
  
Steve and Thor were playing a medieval fantasy video game on the entertainment system. Loki was lying on his stomach in the middle of the living room, still 'tinkering' with his English essay (which, by the way, was supposed to plunge his romantic teacher into a little depression, while at the same time she had to admit that the nine-year-old, strange but very clever boy had an amazing manner with words, in a most cynical way, though). Pepper and Tony, on the couch, had a glass of champagne and both thought independently of the _little tokens of esteem_ they had for each other. Jarvis spoke up: “Mr. Stark, sir. I'm sorry to have to interrupt the idyllic family moment..." (The _idyllic family moment_ was Loki making a remark about the lack of physics behind the jumps of the video game characters, which Thor acknowledged with "Smart ass! It doesn't matter, fuck physics, the jump was mega-cool!" “...I have noticed an irregularity in the test run for B.A.R.F. 3.7.” Tony looked at his wife apologetically. "Go on. Thinking about it: I can also reply a couple emails. Let's meet again after.” Loki, without looking up from his work, asked: “Only ever kiss outside, if possible.” The couple looked at each other, suppressing a laugh and hurried out of the living room. "Happy Valentine, sweetheart." "Yes, _very_ happy!" "We'll catch up."  
  
*  
  
Fifteen minutes later Tony poked his head through the door to Pepper's study. “Tony!”, She exclaimed in surprise, “already done? I'm not even through a third of my emails.” “I'm not done. I'll do that tomorrow. I have a little token of my esteem for you.” “Oh no, mister. Me first. Following your gifts everything's always lame." With that, Pepper went to the mini fridge to take out a nicely wrapped box. In it were eclairs from Tony's favorite chocolate maker. He rarely granted them himself - he was in his mid 40s and short men like him always put on weight quickly. The note Pepper had put in the box ('Small sins cannot harm the great body of my not so tall husband.'). He put one in his mouth right away. “Do you want a kiss tasting of chocolate?” “I won't say no. But after, I would like to get my well-deserved token.” The 'token' was a paperweight which when activated was covering Pepper's study with a translucent starry sky – the newly developed B.A.R.F. Technology. The floor looked as if glittering fine sand had been spread. The gentle sound of the sea came from the speakers - her favorite sound. “It's beautiful, Tony!” “I'm working on updates. It's nice for a little _token_ , you're right.”  
  
Leaning his hip against the desk in front of her, Pepper looked up at him from her chair. "Will that be all, Mr Stark?" His eyes sparkled. “If it were up to me, there would never be 'all, Mr Stark'. Much more I wish for a 'more', a 'something else', even a 'you're looking beautiful, honey'.” Pepper giggled: "I can live with that too.” “I think so.” “You can stop thinking and start kissing.” He was only too happy to comply. Bending down to her, the initially shy kiss soon deepened. Tony pulled his wife out of her chair, turned themselves around to sit in it himself. Pepper sank into his lap. “That, Miss Potts,” he whispered breathlessly, “would be all. All of what's making me happy." Pepper's fingers were already fidgeting with his shirt buttons, his hands wandering over her shoulders, down her sides. He pulled her blouse out of her skirt – the one that had slipped high on her hips the way she was sitting on him, with one leg on either side. Family life with three boys at a difficult age did not leave many an opportunity for spontaneous sexy times, but when luck would have it and they found themselves in a situation like this, their passion for one another always flared up rashly. Mr and Mrs Stark were still very much in love with each other, after 16 years. Parental instinct told them, however, that they didn't have much time, so they quickly got down to business (...).  
  
"Let's get dressed again. I feel like this: Loki is about to come with his essay. We don't want him to be New York's youngest heart attack.” Pepper laughed. “He actually thinks we are near dead. It's hard to imagine: if he only knew how shamelessly we’re still doing it.” “It is a miracle he has not yet found a way to put us in a nursing home. But if he manages, I already know what's going to happen.” “So?” “Well, he's combing your hair, putting vaseline on your lips and rubbing anti-rheumatism in your back. When I am at his mercy helplessly, bedridden, he's reading aloud all the works of world literature, which in his eyes I have sincerely disdained.” “You could earn your money as a clairvoyant.” Tony stared into space. "Darling?" "Pep ... we've forgotten about something..." She thought for a moment. "Do not worry. Safe period." (This was an error. The error to which the family owed Peter.)  
  
*  
  
They went back to the living room, separately with a delay, where Steve was sulking because Thor had again beaten him in Mario Kart. "Would you please read over my essay, mother?" "Of course, darling." “Pop! Come, play a round with us so Steve can at least beat you.” “I've been distracted and you took advantage of it!” Loki stepped in: “The aim of video games like this is to boost concentration and thereby increase the ability to ignore distraction of all kinds and to stay alert. Taking advantage of opponent's distractions has been a common practice to achieve victories since time immemorial, by the way.” Steve had just been needing that. He threw the controller on the floor in front of him: "It's lame anyway, the game." Thor chuckled in amusement - he thought the 'little one' was funny. He was always talking crazy, weird things. Wasn't he drolly? He didn't understand why he was always sitting alone in the school cafeteria. After Loki had told him in no uncertain terms that it was even more awkward to be babysat by an older brother than eating alone, Thor had left him be. But he was worried: when he moved to middle school in summer, his little brother would be alone even if he might not wish to be. At that moment, however, the 'little one' decided to direct his poisonous arrow-like taunt against Thor:  
  
“It's just a shame Thor gives up the increased ability to concentrate at the gates to the school yard. Father, why don't you invent a controller that can be used to write a math paper?” Suddenly his brother felt no longer sorry for Loki in the least ... But Steve was grinning now and looked a little more pleased again. He always had good grades, while Thor's academic performance left a lot to be desired. That his youngest brother had already skipped a class in Elementary - _for free_. They wouldn't go to the same school for a long time. "Your essay about the many sights on love is well written and flawless, Loki." The mother's praise brought a smile to the nine-year-old's serious face. “And do you think Miss Perry'll like it too?” “She's finding each of your writing _outstanding_!”, Thor mocked, “I'm told so all the time! Wouldn't be the worst if you'd deliver a screwed piece of homework once. Eager beavers do have it bad all too soon.” “Is that right, Steve? I've heard Bucky call you an eager beaver. Do you have it all bad sometimes?” Steve blushed with embarrassment and suppressed anger. Bucky kept teasing him just because he had to study a little before difficult tests. It wasn't normal if one always got good grades without any need of studying, like his best friend, right? “Bucky's only talking rubbish. He's an idiot."  
  
Loki frowned, apparently he also had something to say about this, but his father found they were already dangerously close to escalation. His sons were an explosive mix. And if he wasn't going out with his wife on Valentine's Day so they could spend time with them, he could do without their bickering constantly. "A match of Monopoly?" He called out to the group. The whole family loved that one and so everyone got down on the carpet to set up the board. It started quite peacefully... and that lasted for a good half an hour.

"Thor!", Steve groaned, "don't get involved with that. He does it every time!” “The deal is good.”, Thor insisted on his plan to trade Loki's most valuable street, the dark blue Boardwalk with his own yellow Ventnor Ave and two pink ones. Loki nodded seriously: "Yes, Steve, this is a fair deal. He's already got two train stations and when I'm getting one, I'll sell it to you, Thor.” Thor's 'strategy' was to get the two dark blue streets and all the train stations. That was the guaranteed win for him. Loki always traded skillfully with him when he came into possession of train stations and dark blue streets. Thor only owned 'worthless' streets as barter objects and was about to let Loki get three of them for the coveted Boardwalk. “Then he will have two complete blocks of streets, his bank account is well filled and he will start building immediately. I can't believe you keep falling for it. You don't even have Park Place!” “I just have to roll a ten. I'll definitely make it soon!” “Definitely, you're always so lucky!” Pepper had to smile at her youngest's acting talent. "Dad!", was Steve's last attempt: "Tell him, Loki is trying to trick on him." "Steve ... you know, I don't interfere."  
  
With lowered eyebrows, Steve watched the 'fair deal' and counted his money again. Mom had made him a good offer to buy red Illinois Ave from her, then he would be able to build too, but only if he didn't end up on the streets of Loki's blocks with property, as he does every time, when Loki built up his houses or hotels. Tony was, as always, pleased to own the powerhouse and water supplier and to trust his luck with the dice, which meant he was largely spared from horrific rent payments. It ended as usual: Steve defiantly didn't swap any of his streets anymore, so Thor got no block, Steve only one, but could hardly build because his mother's price for Illinois Ave had gotten higher and higher until he agreed and Loki took rent from all of them each round. The game only ended peacefully because Pepper was just as successful as Loki that evening and no one won by a huge number. The game was simply canceled at some point and the boys went to their rooms.  
  
"Happy Valentine." Pepper laughed at Tony. “Loki is a clever fellow - there you have your successor at SI, honey. He'll be making the company as rich as you do.” She shook her head. "Loki isn't going to SI, never." "What a shame." They didn't talk about this any further. None of their children showed talent or inclination to continue their life's work one day. But that wasn't an issue for the day of love ...  
  
*  
  
Before he got ready for the night, Thor, a book in hand, went to Loki's room, listened briefly at the door and entered after a knock. His little brother was lying on his stomach in the middle of the room, a full glass of water into which, it looked, he was dripping ink and then waving it in slow circles. "Am I bothering you?" Thor asked doubtfully. "Yes. But that doesn't matter. I'm used to it.” Thor plopped down on the carpet next to him pushing a book into his field of vision. "Here, for you." Loki paused whatever he was doing and frowned. Thor had got a beautiful, richly illustrated copy of D’Aulaires' Book of Norse Myths from Aunt Natasha for Christmas, matching the viking Lego sets he had loved to play with all year prior. He pushed the valuable book a little closer to Loki. "But ..." "I've thought you might want to read it when I'm done with it." "Have _you_ read it?" "Uh," Thor laughed, "no, I haven't. I've got so little time. I have two more books to read for English and I haven't gotten very far.” “When do you have to have read them?” “Call of the Wild by tomorrow. Uh, yeah. And 'The Secret Garden' has been due two weeks ago.” “'The Secret Garden' is a great book!” Loki sat up straight looking intensely at his brother. His pointy, pale face with the huge bright eyes was literally shining. Thor blinked - he had never seen him smile like this before. And that because of a _book_! He had to concentrate hard to follow Loki's enthusiastic rendition of the story of Mary Lennox and her paralyzed cousin Colin, who isn't paralyzed at all ( _huh?_ ). But well, that wasn't impractical, after all, he had been told to be aware of the contents by – _the next day,_ yes. When Loki had finished, they both fell silent for a moment.

After the younger one drew his eyebrows together a little. "You're reading 'Call of the Wild' yourself." Thor had to laugh. “Do you want the book now? There's a chapter in there 'bout a guy called Thor and one about someone who is called Loki.“ “Have you at least read those?" Thor squirmed a little, admitting: "I only skimmed 'em.” “I'll give it back to you when I'm done with it.” “And will you tell me about those guys?” “Maybe. If the Loki guy's doing better, then maybe.” Thor had never seen the crooked, mischievous grin on him either. "Allrighty then. The Thor guy's got a hammer, a mighty dwarven weapon!” “And of which use is said hammer for the Thor guy, powerful as a dwarven weapon may be, in an English test on 'Call of the Wild'?” Thor smirked. “It doesn't have to. Tomorrow I'll be tested about the garden. Thank you very much.” Loki snorted. "Good luck and good night." Thor got up to leave. Loki had already opened the book on mythology. "Night, brother." "Go on." When the door closed behind Thor, Loki looked thoughtfully into space for a short while. Thor was ... quite _nice_ ... kind of. (The Loki guy _wasn't_ doing better than the Thor guy, by the way ...)  
  
*  
  
(...) “ _Thor is so stupid!_ ” “ _I don't think so. It's just not important enough to him, I guess._ ” Steve had complained to Bucky about his suffering via WhatsApp. " _So, have you been on a Valentine's date?_ " Steve changed the subject. His best friend had suggested something like that. Bucky was almost 15, after all. “ _Who's asking a lot, 's getting lied at a lot._ " " _Idiot._ " " _Night, night, Stevie!_ " (Bucky hadn't been on a Valentine's date, of course. Rather, he had been pondering all day what he was supposed to do about his feelings for his best friend...)  
  
  
  
**************************************  
  
'Will that be all, Mr Stark?'


	155. The Grand Finale, part I

**The Grand Finale, part I**  
  
  
(May 28, 2045, in the evening)  
  
William Harrington was the first to arrive at the clinic in a flying hurry. Worried, he grabbed his mother-in-law's hand and, at the same time, Tony Stark's upper arm. "How is she?" He blurted out without bothering to say hello. “She is in good hands. Peter is with her. He'll be out with an update soon.” He was caught cold by the news his sister-in-law and boss, Michelle 'MJ' Jones, president of Nova Prime Community College of New York Staten Island, had to be transported to the emergency room by ambulance and he'd left for the hospital in an instant. They were on Semester break and he hadn't seen her for two weeks. Actually, the whole family had been looking forward to Tony Stark's 75th birthday the next day. Tony pulled out his StarkPhone. “Steve's almost there, he dropped Morgan off at her friend from Montessori days. Bucky says he's still in the middle of an appointment, but after he's closing Barnes' Motor Barn to come here soon. Has Loki contacted you?" Will groaned: "Today, of all days, they are testing the new projector prototype. He must have turned off his phone so it doesn't emit interfering signals.” At that moment Steve stormed into the waiting room. "Mom! Dad! How is she?” Pepper walked over to him, kissed his cheek, soothing him with similar words as she had had for Will had. “And Pete?” “You know him. He's holding up bravely."  
  
Steve gave a grim nod, glancing sideways at his father. He didn't look good. White as a sheet and nervous. Well, it was no wonder - situations like this, in which he was completely helpless to influence what's happening, he no longer took them on with the same strength and energy as earlier ... His daughter-in-law in the emergency room was one of those situations. Peter Benjamin Stark, however, had nerves of steel. Last December he had impressively demonstrated that. Thanks to his cool deliberateness and him acting quickly, the family had been spared a tragedy.  
  
(It was pure coincidence Peter was there when Tony Stark answered a fateful call. They were in the workshop on Stark Manor, chatting about one of Peters newest project. Loki's name in the display left his father puzzled. He never called! "Boy? What's going on?” “Father, I...", his trembling voice put Tony on alert, "Thor... He asked me to ... inform you." Peter saw his father go pale, frowning he gestured for him to switch on loudspeakers. Loki's otherwise cool voice was tinged with fear and worry. "...has to go to Tuscon. His old team of doctors is not satisfied with the latest lab figures his doctor regularly sends them here. He has to undergo a series of tests. He and Jane are already on the plane at this point. I'll be staying with the children during the time. He says... It must be just a precautionary measure and...", they heard him clear his throat, "W-well, I'm sure he's right.", the tremor in Loki's voice grew stronger again. "Father?" At the same moment Peter called: "Dad!"  
  
Tony, whose pale complexion had changed to an ashen gray, gazed into space with huge, wide eyes, silently forming words. "Peter? Is that you?” “Loki! I have to hang up.", Peter said firmly, in a calm voice. " _Peter!_ What ...?” The youngest Stark ended the call, immediately dialed 911 and asked for a quick ambulance. During the brief but informative phone call, he, who had slipped next to his father, holding his hand and noticed how he gripped his chest, his fingers clawing into his sweater. He put the phone down, on speakers, in order to be able to stay in contact with the ambulance control center. He also took his father's other hand and smiled friendly at his face. “Dad, let me help you. You need to relax a bit, help is on the way. Lean back. Yeah, that's good.” “Pete.. I'm... in pain ... I'm so scared.” “I know. But everything will be fine. I'm here taking care of you, help will come soon.” “Thor...”, his father whispered weakly.

The threatening Damocles sword of relapse would probably hang over Thor's head forever, they all knew. But news of this kind, Tony Stark had not been prepared for. His son's fatal illness in the year prior his 70th birthday had robbed him of much of his former strength. The heart had always been a weak point of generations of Stark men – the car accident in which his father Howard had died only had outrun a threatening heart attack. After the difficult time full of worries and needs the family's doctor was no longer too satisfied with Tony's... He had not told this any of his sons and asked his wife to keep it to herself. Peter, who knew him best of all of them, had been able to add two and two ... So the youngest Stark endured the excruciatingly long minutes the ambulance would need to get here, speaking to his father in a friendly and reassuring manner. When his dad stammered he willingly would die if only Thor was spared, Peter was overcome with horrendous fear, but he wasn't showing and tried as best he could to excude calm and serenity.  
  
He was able to reassure his father, reduce his fear for Thor and so kept him conscious, saved him from further smaller heart attacks, which, as he knew, often followed the first one unnoticed and were more deadly than the beginning of it all. When the rescue team, let in by Jarvis and directed to the workshop, arrived and the team around Tony Stark went about their work, Peter stepped into the hallway pulling out his phone. Unsurprisingly, he found more than a dozen missed calls from Loki. The poor man ... he dialed through to him. " _Peter!_ What with all .. ". he swore suppressed, "Jarvis turned me away, refused to put me through to you. What's going on there at yours?” “Where are you, Loki?”, Peter asked carefully. "Where would I be? I'm in the Foster-Stark family car, Erik is next to me and the little ones're in the back. What are you expecting when... _Pete..._ ", his voice lost all displeasure and also a little of his firmness, "what's happened?” “The rescue team is already there. Everything will be fine.” His brother's voice almost cracked: “Rescue team?” “Loki. Maybe better pull over.” Loki didn't answer. Which probably meant he obeyed.  
  
"I'll go in and ask where they're taking Dad. I'll explain everything soon. I...", Peter's voice wavered now the adrenaline in his blood was draining again. He heard Loki clearing his throat. “Peter, everything will be fine. I'll come as fast as I can. Just tell me where to.” Peter felt a wave of affection at the care and warmth in Loki's now controlled voice. Big Brother mode - in the end it never failed. "Th-thanks." "Do you know where mother is?" Peter thought for a moment. Manicure, Dad had said, "at Leandra's." "Now go and ask, Pete." It didn't take long. “Loki? Met Memorial Emergency Center. They’re going to leave in a moment, I’m going with them in the ambulance.” “Peter, what ...?” The younger brother answered, although the question remained unspoken. “A heart attack. He is out of acute danger. Drive carefully.” It took Loki a while before he could start the car again. The children, sensing something had happened and had heard enough, were as quiet as mice. Hela, buckled behind Loki, leaned forward to gently caress her uncle's shoulder. He smiled a little, started the car, and pulled back into traffic to pick up his mother at Leandra's - her beautician.  
  
He was known well in the salon and hence allowed into the treatment room. "Loki!" Pepper cried in surprise. He was relieved to find that she was actually only there for a manicure and not undergoing a full body wrap or something similarly time-consuming and difficult to interrupt. “Mother,” he already knew what he was going to tell her, although he was deeply reluctant to be lying right now, “Father sustained a minor injury in the workshop, Peter took him to the emergency room. He's wishing to see you, you know how he can be.” His mother smiled, satisfied with how much her husband still wanted to be comforted by her tender care. Loki, who would have liked nothing more than to throw himself in his mother's arms to cry, made some small talk with the beautician while Pepper washed her hands and packed her belongings. Putting a good face on things - Loki Stark was a master at that.

Not only the thing with Thor, no, also the fact his insensitive behavior had given his father a heart attack weighed heavily on him. As he walked out, he said, “The kids are in the car, we were driving when Pete called. Well, the trip to Central Park just has to wait a little longer.” “What do you want to do there?” Neverending lies he was forced to tell... Sighing inwardly he said: “Go to the Christmas market.” “That's a wonderful idea.” They got in. Pepper stopped after getting a kiss from her grandchildren. “Loki, They are not dressed warm enough for the Christmas market. Has Jane let you go like that?” “Nana, Mum and Dad have been on the plane for a long time.” Shit. He felt his mother's stern look more than seeing it out of the corner of his eye. " _Please,_ " he pleaded, barely audible, "I'll explain everything there." Pepper felt a heavy burden on him and wordlessly complied with his request for a reprieve.  
  
Tony Stark was restored and stable on a heart-strengthening drug a few days later. The doctors all agreed his youngest son's prudent actions had saved, if not his life, but in any case prevented permanent damage. Everyone was so proud of him. After a couple days in Tuscon, Thor's blood levels turned out to having been faulty and after several repetitions the risk of relapse was again classified as below one percent. After years, Tony Stark found himself again in a quite personal conversation with Loki, in the course of which he tried to convince his son there had not been _any_ way of giving him that news which would have had the power to prevent this from happening. Loki, who had been living some dreadful days - at that time Will and MJ were attending an important training in Washington - was relieved and grateful how well everything had turned out and was finally able to tell his father again that he loved him . Tony, used to the rarity of this event, was all the more pleased after hearing the good news from Tuscon that morning. Loki gave him this farewell gift when Tony joked:  
  
“Tell me, Puck”, the nickname, his father had given him when he had been a child he had last heard at the age of 23. He then had first staged 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' himself. It brought a smile to Loki's lips, “why's your mother always letting you get away with your tricks while the slightest attempt to bend the truth a bit her deadly stare is making me feel like a lamb to the slaughter?” Loki chuckled. "You know, unlike you, the soulful, tormented, misunderstood boy, she's still taking from me." "The one you haven't been for years," Tony replied dryly. "Without a doubt. And mother certainly knows that too. But she just loves to be needed by her helpless boys.” “She knows how much we all need her.” “Yes, of course she does. But as with everything we know at the bottom of our hearts, we want constant reassurance and affirmation.” “How wise you are, my boy. And you're right, we all want it. More often than we are allowed to get it.” He looked his son in the eye.  
  
Loki smiled, nodded and simply said: "I love you, Dad." His father closed his eyes for a moment, before taking a bold step forward to take him in his arms. "I love you too, son, and I'm so pleased that ... you are so happy ...?" It sounded a bit like a question at the end. Loki held him at arm's length, searching his somewhat tired but cheerful features for the meaning in the uncertain tone of voice. He understood - _reassurance and affirmation_... “Yes, father. I _am_ happy. How could I be any happier? Thank you. Thank you for... _everything_.” “Thank you yourself. You have enriched and brightened my life no less than anyone else in this family.” Loki inclined his head. "Except for my choice of clothing." With a laugh, Tony released his son, who had to pick up his husband and sister-in-law from the airport. William only briefly resented him for leaving him in the dark about the dramatic events, just as Peter had done with MJ. He was too happy and relieved to see how both Thor's lab error and Tony's heart attack had come out.)  
  


“Steve!” his father cried out, “distract me a little. How has Morgan settled in at Sanctuary Middle now? And I want to hear that from a teacher's perspective. You don't have to repeat what she's telling me herself, nor do Bucky's constant praise. Tell me, Pepper, would you have thought it possible I could be dwarfed as a fraying daddy to Peter, bursting with pride? Bucky can be glad he's so adorable and charming. Nobody could stand the downright disgusting braggart, if not.” Steve, just as relieved as his mother and brother-in-law not to have to think or even speak about the threatening stuff behind the double doors to the treatment rooms, laughed briefly, he thought he didn't have to chivalrously defend his husband - his dad was right after all. Bucky boasting about Morgan was a lot. He took a deep breath.  
  
“I've spoken to colleagues from Middle. Not everyone is too enthusiastic about the proficiency level of Montessori's education curriculum, but they say Morgan' making up for it with fervor and will. The support of a school attendant to help her organize her tasks and time management on a weekly basis is what most people imagine fruitful. In the meantime, there are two children in inclusion class besides her taking advantage of this kind of assistance. So she wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb. We are still waiting for the school psychological report.” Professional school attendants with a studied socio-educational and special needs educational background were rare and without a report a student would not get one for any money in the world. “I think it's great she wants to fight it out there. She is a fighter who deserve to be successful with it.” Pepper stated. Steve agreed. Everyone thought back to the time when Morgan's change of school had kept her parents in suspense for a while ...  
  
(Morgan came back from Wakanda full of adventures and stories. And with all of her head hair, Bucky was relieved to notice. His daughter had told him Queen Shuri had made her Honorary Dora-Milaje. In her luggage was an armor of the legendary women warriors, specially made for her size to wear for Halloween. Since this traditional armor was showing far less skin than some of the other Wakandan garb, it was all right with her papa. He was already dreading the day when the twelve-year-old wanted to be a 'sexy nurse' or something similarly creepy (unfortunately not in the conventional sense – which would be Halloween-creepy), but that day was, he liked to tell himself, still far away.  
  
He and Steve listened to her holiday stories for hours and took her out to have burgers in order of celebrating her return. After they asked her into the kitchen for a 'talk'. Morgan wasn't expecting anything good. A 'talk' was _not_ a good thing. Not like a chat or a board game night or a movie night. With a queasy feeling she complied. She _was_ a good child. “Morgan”, Steve opened the 'talk', as was his way, directly and without further ado, “we have to register you in one of the middle schools quite soon. We'd like to hear your opinion.” Not looking at anyone she shrugged a shoulder. "Don't know.", was the monosyllabic answer. Grandpa had texted her he had unfortunately not been able to buy a school and advised her to take summer classes to prepare for the math exam at the sports school. With that he had also promised to help her. It wasn't that she wasn't ready or willing - she'd already had a fantastic vacation! But maths of all things. She won't make that in life!  
  
“But what do you think, angel?” Bucky asked, “any tendencies or desires where to go? Tell us even if it may seem absurd to you. We'll support you and be of any help. Spit it out.” “There is a boarding school in Colorado where Montessori education is still taught in middle and high school. I've found it online.“ A boarding school! Bucky turned white as a sheet. Steve gave his leg a reassuring squeeze under the table. “And what have you read about this boarding school? Does it look nice to you?” “Hm”, Morgan said, “it looks like only very rich children go there and I don't know if I'll fit in with them.” Her parents secretly had to smirk. Of course Morgan knew they were in fact rich, but they weren't living a bit like rich people. Their whole house would probably fit into many a lobby of the houses in which those very rich children, attended boarding schools, had grown up. “Maybe not, but you can't know for sure. If you like this school, we can definitely visit it once. That's why schools usually open their doors during the holidays.” Bucky looked at Steve in horror. _A boarding school!_ was clear to read in his eyes. But Steve felt it was of the utmost importance to get all the lines of thought out of Morgan to see what she wanted and what was best for her. He couldn't allow Bucky to baby their daughter (or himself) for once. “The workshops and ateliers are awesome. The sports fields too. But ... I haven't seen a black child in any of the pictures on their homepage. Or a black teacher. No Hispanic looking people or Asians either. Isn't it strange? At my old school we were all mixed up, students and teachers!"  
  
Bucky and Steve felt warm in their hearts, they were so proud of their daughter having an eye for this. It showed how natural for her diversity was. "That sounds ... not so nice," Bucky said cautiously. If Morgan's heart was for this school (this boarding school, a _boarding school_!), He didn't want to spoil it for her. Steve gave him a fond sidelong glance. “It can't be coincidence!” Morgan called, “don't they want people who - well, are _not_ white?” Steve looked at her speaking in an demonstratively neutral tone: “With everything we know, it _can_ be a coincidence, but, I'll agree with you, it's suspicious. And unfortunately there are still many places like that.” “That's awful!” Her parents nodded affirmatively. Lifting her chin, Morgan lifted asked:. "Dad! And papa; if I can't choose, you have to make a decision for me. Is that right?" They looked at each other briefly and Bucky agreed: "Yes, we have to. Homeschooling is out of the question. You'd be bored to death and as you've known for a long time: we don't know everything.” She grinned. "Gramps knows everything!" "And Gramps certainly doesn't feel like playing a teacher again now that he finally has time for Nana and everything he couldn't do for years." "What a shame …" "Yes, a shame but not an option.” “And what would you decide? Don't tell me you don't know yet. A week before the deadline.” Bucky encouraged Steve with a nod so he took a deep breath.  
  
“We would like to register you for exams at Sanctuary Middle. In artistic design, mechanics and handicrafts as well as sport.” Morgan's eyes grew big and round. "B-but ... This is a very demanding school and you ... well ...", she fell silent, embarrassed. “Morgan, honey,” Bucky said affectionately: “At Sanctuary you can shine in what you're passionate about and your talents are encouraged. Moderate grades in basic subjects are tolerated if you make an effort in your advanced classes and projects.” “But Dad is the..." Steve interrupted her: "The Middle students have nothing to do with me being the high school principal. The headmistress is Professor Choi. Danbi is very nice and all students are very fond of her. You don't have to go from Middle to High later if you don't want to.” Morgan chewed her lower lip. "Exams in three subjects?" She asked doubtfully. "And none of those are maths, yay!" Bucky joked. Morgan's mouth twitched in amusement. “Morgan,” Steve said gently, “you've always mastered challenges in stuff you like to do. We are convinced you can do it if you dare to. Provided, of course, you can imagine going to Sanctuary.” “Well ... Cassie is going there and soon Erik will, too. I could sit with them in the cafeteria and be chatting during the breaks...” Her parents exchanged a secret look - that went well, even great!  
  
"Where do I have to go if I don't want to?" Morgan asked bluntly. "Preston Middle. They've got an awesome swimming pool, but no girls' soccer team.” She pulled a face. “Is it year 2044 or not?” Bucky lifted a shoulder. "Calendar's telling so." Morgan sighed, thinking for a while. At last she twisted her lips into a brave smile. "Alright. Sign me up. If I fail, I'll get double dessert for a week as a consolation and reward for my courage.” Steve and Bucky were beaming, first at each other and then at their daughter. "Deal!" They shouted in unison. “And”, she cocked her head, “if I pass, anyway.” Her parents laughed. Deal.)  
  
"She's a jack of all trades." Tony smiled satisfied. His wife agreed: “You can't blame Bucky for showing off with her all the time. He - and you too, Steve - did it so great.” “Your greatest achievement, Principal Stark.”, His father nodded. Steve smiled proudly. Will got a call; Loki. Stuck in a traffic jam he urgently wanted to be kept up to date. He took a few steps to the side to speak to his husband. Tony said, “I couldn't have raised a girl that well, I think. Bucky is an outstanding girl's dad.” Steve agreed. "Considering how much he had been worried about it." "Yes, indeed. And thinking of Peter who would like to... _no,_ he told me confidentially. It's - still - a secret. ", He smiled mischievously into the group around. His wife and son looked at him questioningly. “Tony?” “Dad?” “No. No chance. Especially not you, Steve. You're as secretive as a gossip magazine.” Steve looked indignant for a moment, but had to laugh soon. "Sometimes I'm so happy about news I can't keep things to myself." Tony grinned at him: "I'm no less happy about good news, but apparently my self-control is better than yours." "HOW IS SHE?" ,thundered from the entrance to the waiting area. A girl's super dad Bucky rushed to his family.  
  
On the other end of Will's phone Loki chuckled, "Bucky's entry, I assume. Have his efforts at least turned everyone's heads?" Will clucked his tongue: "Don't be so mean." His husband snorted. “This looks like it won't go on for hours.” “It may well be the same to be said of the situation here.” “You know what? There are only eight blocks left. I'll come on foot, I'm sure it's faster.” “Can you be parking there?” “William...”, his tone of voice was that of someone speaking to an extremely thick-witted child, “I'm on 2nd at 8:35 pm. What do you think? I'll leave the car in second row.” “No you don't! Your beloved Jaguar? What if the tow truck's merciless claws will frighten your sensitive car?" Will scoffed tenderly. “ _Careful,_ Mr. Harrington. You're gambling very negligently with privileges there.” “ _Privileges?_ ” Will chuckled. “Privileges. Desserts, bubble baths, wine in the evening, kisses ... orgasms." His husband laughed softly: "You cannot threaten me, Mr Harrington-Stark. All of these are much too much fun for you, too, you know.” “Hm. Touché. Stop the time darling, I'm running now. Middle distance was my best discipline in high school. "  
  
"Your best _discipline_ today...", William, who had walked even a little further away from the family, whispered, "would about be freestyle wrestling, everything is allowed and clothing not mandatory." “Where are your thoughts on such a day?” Loki sounded a little breathless, apparently he had actually already started to run down eight blocks. "You know they're always with you - and when your breathing's so heavy, even more so." “I better save my breath for my run from now, otherwise I would have the right answer for you.” “Oh please, I want to hear my right answer. You know I love right answers for me.” “Act your age and, for heaven's sake, don't be such a teenager like Steve and Bucky. How am I supposed to still feel superior to them if you do?” Will laughed: “You don't have to, you snob.” Loki sniffed a little before answering: “But I do want to.” “Now you're not acting your age, moody teenager you are. But a teenager wouldn't be so out of breath after only one block.” “It's annoying how similar to me you've grown in terms of malice.” “Now you know what's it like.” With that he hung up turning to the family:  
  
“Loki is on his way. When he arrives, we'll probably have to ventilate him, he's running the last eight blocks.” “Could he leave his little fosterlings?” Pepper asked. "Oh, the amateur playgroup of the volunteer fire brigade is able and authorized to break up and leave the theater by themselves." "Fire fighters?", Bucky exclaimed excitedly. "Sweetheart. _Volunteer_ fire brigade. ", Steve grinned, "Those are the folks saving children from trees and kittens out of rain pipes. They aren't the muscly eye candy from your calendar.” Bucky pouted sweetly. His weakness for firefighters was always an occasion for good-natured railleries. Will told his mother-in-law: “Hela's class came to see the play yesterday morning. Loki told she was one of the first to raise her hand for the hands-on part." Pepper smiled proudly: "She has developed so well over the last year. What kind of play was it?” “Cat in the Hat by Seuss. The children were asked to help Sally and Nick clean up the house before their mother's coming home. But Thing One and Thing Two always wreaked havoc in the rooms again and in the end the cat had to use his miracle machine.” “Sounds like fun!” “Yes, the kids thought it was great.” “I think it's wonderful what Loki is doing. “And it fulfills him. I am very happy we've come here."  
  
(It was easy for Loki and Will to pack what they wanted to take with them to New York. It wasn't much ... Some memorabilia meaning something to both of them, some few which only meant something to Will (for example three specially gnarled twigs), gifts they had given each other ... The by far largest amount of moving goods was books, of course. William owned many special or first editions. They decided to take all of his books and sort them out one by one in New York (or Loki's less valuable editions of books they both owned.) The moving company's packers picking up the boxes cursed the sheer number of book boxes - they were always the heaviest ... In New York the family welcomed those who had finally returned home with a party at which Will immediately offered MJ his services as director of studies. She flung her arms around his neck with joy. “My college is going to be a true family business!” In the second week he began to read up on the assignments and familiarize himself with his future workplace, although it was still almost two months prior its opening. When at home alone, Loki unpacked book box after book box, reorganized their library putting together stacks and piles they would decide on together in the evening.  
  
When Will came home shortly before the start of the semester, Loki was not there. He thought nothing of it and started making dinner. He was testing a piece of potato to see if it was done when the apartment door was pushed open audibly. "Will!", Loki's voice, echoing from the hall mixed up with him slamming the door. Will choked on the boiling hot potato in shock at the exhilarated tone. With tears welling up in his eyes, he coughed, unable to answer. "Darling? _William?_ ”, his husband's voice, bubbling with excitement, came closer. Why was he so excited? "K-kitchen!" Will coughed, not exactly loud. Since Loki suspected him there anyway because of the smell of food, he literally burst in. "Will! Why don't you answer?” Loki's hair was tangled, his cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkled. One last cough and Will's throat was free again. He wiped away his tears. "Potato. Hot...choked on it.” “Listen! I ...", Loki gasped for breath. After taking two long steps to him, he wrapped an arm around his middle, grabbed his hand and turned around with him in kind of a waltz. Loki looked giddy with excitement. William giggled, he looked gorgeous!  
  
"William ...", taking an artful break to catch another deep breath, he dramatically exclaimed, "I've bought the Swedish Cottage Marionette Theater." His husband's mouth and eyes opened in surprise. “What do you think of that?” “I'd say: _surprise_. Why haven't you told me?” Loki cocked his head. There was no reproach - not even hidden - in his question. “I've known it hardly sooner than you, I swear.” “You don't have to swear. What do you mean by 'hardly sooner'?” “Let's sit down.” Will put the stove on a low flame while Loki got wine from the fridge and glasses from the cupboard. "I was downtown in the second-hand bookshop on 7th, dropping off a load." Will nodded, of course he knew which one he meant. "I've met Bertie there." "Bertie?" "You know, Greg Fitzherbert." Mr Fitzherbert had been the artistic director at the Marionette Theater when Loki had staged plays for children there for a couple of seasons - including 'The Snow Queen', when William had first visited him in New York. “We haven't met each other in years, so we went for a cup of coffee. There he told me the theater was bankrupt, in need of major renovation and that the reserve coffers were empty and it had to be closed. My heart was broken.” Of course William knew Loki had seen the first play of his life there with his mother: 'Peter and the Wolf'. He had been four years old and that event laid the foundation of a lifelong passion.  
  


“I've offered him financial support to save the place. Bertie shook his head sadly, claiming he was too old and children's theater was out of fashion anyway with all the digital competition. As a joke he said: 'Why don't you buy it to turn it into a museum?'. Well spontaneity is hardly my forte, but in this case...“ Will shoved his hand over the table to take Loki's. "But you're not making a museum out of it." Loki's gaze went dreamily into the distance. "No, I'm not. Rather, I'm proving Bertie and the world wrong. Children's theater is not yet a relic for a museum." Will shook his hand: "Who, if not you, dearest?" The very next day he commissioned a construction company to completely repair and renovate the old theater building in accordance with listed building regulations. After two months they were able to reopen for the most important time of year – Advent season. All the Starks, important people from New York's theater scene, the press and several guests came to the gala - and En Dwi Gast. Loki was a bit startled when he noticed his tall ex-lover in the crowd. He met his eye at that moment too and made his way. Will was next to him, looking around the crowd curiously, a glass of champagne in hand. The somewhat nasal voice of his colleague from the college staff pricked his ears: "Loki. How nice of you giving off some of your luscious brilliance on this charming little house. One of your neverending enchanting ideas."

Will knew they had worked together on Broadway some time ago (while not knowing of their past love affair...)The familiarity in Gast's tone of voice left him a little puzzled. "Thank you very much.", Loki answered a bit pressed. “William,” the man turned to him, “you must be proud!” “Well, I am. After all, saving a traditional small theater from disappearing and being forgotten is admirable, don't you think?” “Of course. You excuse me? I would like to romp around a little more, so many old familiar faces here. Loki.“, He again turned to him, put a hand on his shoulder kissing into the air next to his cheeks. With a slightly frowned brow, Will looked his husband in the face after Gast had left. He took a deep breath and whispered: “Telling you later, will I?” At the big college opening in summer, En Dwi hadn't run into them. When MJ had introduced the new director of studies to her team, the PR specialist eyed William allover from top to toe: "So you are Loki Stark's husband" Will raised his eyebrows, cocking his chin. "You can believe so, Mr. Gast." Raising his left hand, he pointed to his wedding ring, "this even has his name in it." The man - he estimated him to be in his mid-50s - laughed out loud, the honest cheerfulness in the dark, intelligent eyes suited him well, making him quite attractive. “I like you, William. I'm glad. Loki Stark is a... _remarkable_ human being and - _sometimes_ \- a nice man.” With that he had left Will.  
  
The study director didn't have much to do with the PR department. After Marionette Theater's opening, Loki told William everything about their affair 13 years ago. "Oh. Well that ... well. So it is thanks to him, you were so _cautious_ regarding intimacy in the beginning of our relationship?” Loki paused and had to laugh. Will apparently took it easy and considered it unimportant for current matters. Well, he _wasn't_ a jealous person in the slightest. "So to speak? Perhaps.” “I have to stir salt into his tea the first opportunity.” With that, the thing with 'Loki's past with En Dwi Gast' was done.  
  
Loki turned the puppet theater into a gem of New York's theater world. In the mornings and on weekends, the ensemble performed plays for children. Kindergarten and elementary school classes came during the week, families at the weekend. In the afternoons, the Central Park theater became an 'outpost', so to speak, for theater groups and drama classes in collaboration with the school board. Many New York schools, including Sanctuary Middle and High, collaborated with the theater house and the brilliant theater educator Loki Harrington-Stark. In the early evening hours it offered space for amateur theater groups, which Loki provided with help and advice on an hourly basis, or for charitable projects. For example, therapists could hold group sessions there or carry out complex measures such as family constellations or therapeutic role play. Loki, always been the press' darling, was soon on everyone's lips again. MJ loved him for cleverly using his influence to promote his sister-in-law's college. He was busy as a beehive and ineffably happy.)  
  
“He belongs here, with us. And you, my boy, do so too.", Pepper smiled warmly at her son-in-law. Tony shouted indignantly: “Where are the Foster-Starks?” “Dad, they have three kids to have someone cared for when they're leaving. Rather, I wonder why Peter still hasn't come to update us.” “I bet that's more of a good sign. It probably means MJ is clearly conscious and therefore he's not leaving her side.” “Will, our voice of reason.”, Bucky laughed, “I'll join the optimistic attitude.” Loki rushed through the double doors. However, he was far too out of breath to join the how-is-she-chorus like all other men of his family had done. He let himself fall on one of the uncomfortable visitor's benches looking around wide-eyed and questioning. His face was flushed, the curls at his temples clinging to his skin from sweat. Will smiled. “Totally in vain, the rush, dearest. We don't know any more than earlier.” Loki tapped his watch giving him a demanding glance, still out of breath. "I _haven't_ stopped the time," his husband laughed. Steve looked worried. "You want me to get you a glass of water?" Bucky smirked: "There's a defibrillator hanging next to the dispenser, you'd better bring it, too." "What for?", Will sneered at him, "Are you fantasizing of firefighters again?" Except for Loki - and Bucky of course – everyone had to laugh out loud.  
  
“Can you ...”, Loki took another deep breath, “oh, Steven, now go get this glass of water. Can you tell me what I've missed?” “ _Nothing!_ ” Everyone cried in unison. Steve dutifully got a glass of water but left the defibrillator in place. "Are Thor and Jane already on their way?" "Good question, they haven't contacted us back yet." Loki pulled out his phone to dial through. "LOKI?!" "Argh", he held his phone away from his ear for a moment, "why are you screaming like that?" “We're stuck in traffic!” “Have you already passed my car?” “ _What?_ ” “Oh, it's not important. Hurry up. Leave your car be.” “Leave the car? We are in the middle of 2nd and there are at least six blocks left.” “Weakling.” At the so far quiet and uneventful end of the waiting room, the double door to the treatment rooms opened and Peter appeared, unnoticed by everyone.  
  
"What are you all doing here?" The group whirled around, as if stung by tarantulas, and hurried to surround the youngest of their group. Thor's call was forgotten. The young man held himself straight, looking but pale and utterly scared. "Sit down, Underoos." Tony drowned out the family's confused question. Maneuvered on a bench, everyone looked at Peter expectantly and in a worry. He took a deep breath.  
  
"I-I... don't know what to say...", Peter visibly swallowed, "it's... _crass_." His family glanced everywhere, embarrassed. Nobody dared to met the young man's eye. His father sat down next to him pulling his slightly trembling body close to him. "It'll be all right, Spiderling ..." he whispered.  
  
 _To be continued ..._  
  
**********************************************  
  


  
Loki through the years...  
  



	156. The Grand Finale – Everything's Coming full Circle

**The Grand Finale – Everything's Coming full Circle**  
  
  
"Loki says we oughta leave the car." Jane narrowed her eyes. "In the middle of 2nd Avenue? It'll be impounded faster than we even actually get out.” “The way it looks from here, it'll still really take a while." She glanced at him. He looked so worried. "You know what? You go ahead, I'll try to park somewhere or the traffic jam will clear up faster than we think. I'll follow you soon.” “You sure? Is it okay if I leave you here?” “Thor! I'm a big girl It's just a traffic jam, not a disaster zone!” She laughed. “I've been away from New York too long. Just this background noise...“ The wild horns and screaming in a traffic jam took some getting used to (again). "Go on. You want to be with them. I understand. I'd rather be there sooner than later. But I don't want to have to go get the car from the city fleet tomorrow.” “All right. Take care of yourself.” “Really, darling, it's not even nine and I'm not far from Manhattan. ”  
  
He lifted a shoulder, smiling wryly. "I wasn't like that in Tuscon, was I?" "Not that often," she grinned. Thor was an extremely chivalrous man ... They kissed and he got out. Jane slid over to the driver's seat and waved to him as he one last time turned back to her, already running ahead. She smiled, but when she thought about the sister-in-law again, a wave of fear hit. Michelle 'MJ' Jones and Peter were very welcomed guests at their Queens home. When they moved to New York from Arizona, the two of them helped them every minute they had. They stayed with the children so she and Thor could deal with authorities, unpacked boxes with them and helped set up the children's rooms. MJ often prepared meals while Peter worked on the SmartHome software, explaining them everything. Erik and Fandral loved them, the energetic young couple was to their liking. Hela was her usual reticent self but no one held it against her. There was always so much life in the Foster-Stark home and with the young couple around - even more than usual. The two of them were true darlings! Hopefully everything would go well ...  
  
("It's child's play. Thor!", Peter laughed at his older brother, who frowned at the extremely complex surface of the SmartHomeSystem. "Pick something you want to know, the software explains itself." Indecisively typed he clicked on the symbol for the ventilation system. The somewhat cool voice of an AI rang: "System check ventilation system. Composition of room air ideal, room temperature in all rooms except the kitchen 20 °. The sensors there can detect the activity of cooking. Temperature rise no need to worry. Make a wish to make new settings?" Thor looked at Peter doubtfully. "Does the thing always talk that much?" The younger one laughed out loud: "You are like Steve! He also hates communicating with 'the thing'. He has his personal user settings changed to text input. Bucky always has a lot of fun when he and the AI are cross-discussing.” “Yes, Bucky is sure to be an ass when it comes to that. Just because there are people who do not share his enthusiasm for the very latest advances. As if it were such an inconvenience to turn on the heating yourself.” “You sound like an old man!”, smiled Peter. His brother sighed: “I _am_ an old man! 40...“ Peter spared themselves to note how lucky it was, Thor will turn 40 at all ...  
  
"That's pure magic.", Jane marveled, when she after its last seasoning tasted the simple meal MJ was preparing. "No, it isn't.", the young sister-in-law laughed. “In fact, cooking is chemistry. Which confronts us with a great miracle: Why can't one of the world's best biochemists cook?” “Because he's a Stark?”, Jane shrugged. "Does not apply. Morgan is a Stark too.” They both thought of the last dinner party at Bucky's and Steve's. The eleven-year-old was almost bursting with pride when everyone declared her course of filled giant mushrooms the best of the menu. Bucky took the disparagement of his tuna steaks calmly, almost bursting with pride himself. “Morgan doesn't count. She finally was taught how to cook by Bucky.” “Just like he tried with Steve to do, too.”, MJ remarked dryly. Steve's dessert, made from a purchased ice cream bomb, met with enthusiasm, but of course he didn't get any praise for it. “Steve has always been hopeless. Thor once told me how they wanted to surprise their parents with breakfast in bed on their wedding day. His 'crunchy' scrambled eggs were legendary in family annals.” “Crunchy?” “There were a lot of shell pieces left in there.” “And?” Jane shrugged. "Thor still ate everything." Mj laughed. "Must have been great growing up like them." Jane, knowing, MJ and her mom hadn't had much time together because Mrs. Jones always had to work a lot, squeezed MJ's forearm. “I was lonely in my childhood too. It is all the nicer now to belong to them.” MJ nodded thoughtfully. After, she changed the tone of conversation again: “Rule No.1 for selling vegetables to children: a catchy name. What do we call our kale stew?” Jane thought for a moment and came up with: "Shrek's Swamp Soup?” “You are no better at being creative than at cooking. Does that sound appetizing?”, MJ snickered. "What do you mean? Any ideas?" "Kermit's Showtime Casserole." Jane agreed, smiling. "That's better."  
  
"So, if you set the energy saving level to 'constant', it can happen the software's asking for your approval again for individual changes." Thor looked at his brother a little blankly. “That means if you find out, for example, that one of the kids is coming home from school earlier than usual, you can let the room temperature rise earlier. That messes up the energy budget a little, and the app sounds an alarm. This software is strict about energy saving.” “I should have thought, as ardent as Bucky recommended it. Why are you explaining all this to me and not to Jane? I'm sure she would have a better understanding and maybe even a bit of fun with it." Peter laughed: "Would you prefer taking cooking lessons? We Starks are hopeless. What did you actually live on in your motorhome?” Thor grinned. “We had a first-class delivery service for baby food. They came to the station once a week, where we exchanged the empty for full containers.” “And what were you, you and Jane, eating?” “Um”, Thor smiled, “some of the baby food wasn't bad at all. Blueberries or parsnips, for example. The supplier was amazed at the amount our baby was eating. There were also variations of breakfast cereals and sandwiches. As you know: We survived." Peter laughed: "You are true survivors!” “Yeah, aren't we?" Peter glanced warmly at Thor. However, he quickly became businesslike again: "Show me whether you understand. Imagine a hot day is coming and you don't just want to run the air conditioning in the bedrooms.” Thor typed around a little, 'discussing' with the A.I. (who was later aptly named ' _impart_ home system' by Hela) and passed this test to Peter's satisfaction. MJ came to the door: “We're done, it's your turn.” A clear, self-evident rule: if you didn't cook, you set the table.  
  
At the table Thor looked around with satisfaction. Everyone was chatting - it was like old times at Stark Manor. Erik and Fandral squabbled over a silly slip of the tongue by the younger one, MJ and Peter talked about 'their' business, and Jane saved Hela's juice glass from tipping over. "How is Loki doing in London?" Peter asked his brother. "Better than I would like." MJ raised her eyebrows questioningly. Jane laughed: “Loki loves London, he always has. Thor is afraid he won't come back to his barbaric homeland.” “Well, Will is English - they could be living there if they wanted.” MJ said pragmatically. “Nah,” Erik disagreed, “Uncle Loki doesn't want to live that far away from all of us.” Fandral, who liked to study his globe, objected: “London is hardly further from New York than Tuscon was. At least not by plane, because there are a lot more lines flying the route.” “That can't be true. London is in Europe.” “Oh, smart one. Try to drive from Alaska to Miami, both are in the USA - have fun.” “Try driving from New York to London! Have fun yourself.” “Boys..." Jane admonished her bubbly sons. “I don't want Uncle Loki to stay in Europe. He ought to come home again.", Hela looked anxiously at her father, feeling he was a kindred spirit in this matter. Thor smiled encouragingly at her. “How about you tell him that. I bet he can't refuse you.” The five-year-old raised her eyebrows. “Adults don't listen to children.” Her father was not deterred by this less than optimistic statement: “To some children they do. To the clever ones, to the special ones and to the particularly sweet ones. You are all of this. Give it a try. We can call him later. What do you mean?” A tentative smile appeared on her serious little face. “That would be nice.” “Then it's a deal.” By the way, Kermit's Showtime Casserole met with little enthusiasm from Erik and Fandral. Hela, on the other hand, who had always preferred green food, found the dish to be quite tasty.)

Smiling, Jane made a mental note to try again to cook the stew herself. Frustrated, she looked down the 2nd again. She had made less than 20 yards in the past ten minutes. And of course there was no parking space in sight. She wished she had Loki's detachedness. Leaving his beloved car in the middle of 2 nd Avenue, fleeing traffic jams that way, only he was actually that pragmatic ... She remembered a story Thor had told her ...  
  
(They were 22 and 20, it was summer, semester-free and it was unbearably hot in New York. Thor went to his younger brother's little apartment. He had a key and was tolerated by Loki going in and out as he liked. He found him, of course, absorbed in a book. Without further ado he pulled it out from under his nose and nipped his protests in the bud. "Brother, we have to get out of the stuffy city. Let's go to the High Peaks. We could be camping!" Loki stared at his brother in horror. " _ Camping!  _ It's also a six hour drive and in the end what's there waiting? Sleeping on the ground, wilderness, mosquitoes and bears. No, thanks. I prefer sweating here around.” “Loki! With the new express train it's only four hours to go and we could rent a small cabin - with beds and a solid door.” The end of it was Thor persuading him - he could hardly refuse him anyway... Three days later the two green-nosed New York boys woke up in their hut after a party with locals (to which Thor, who had liked one of the girls, had also persuaded his brother with every trick in his book). In a severe hungover they noticed they had got robbed except for what they were still wearing. The elder one of them panicked.  
  
"Mom is killing me! I can hear her already ... 'what were you thinking about taking your brother to a horde of drunkards in the middle of the wilderness'.” “ What do you want to tell her?", Loki calmly searched all the closets of their vacation cabin, finding some coins and pocketed them. "What would I say to that?" "That you had my baby monitor on alert all the time?" Laughing tragic-comically Thor widened his eyes when his brother went to the bathroom, calling: "Oh, well, our shower gel is still there! You excuse me?” “LOKI!” Thor thundered, “don't you realize what kind of mess we're in?” His brother stuck his head out the bathroom door. "Well, I would describe our situation as not optimal." "Not  _ optimal _ ?", Thor's voice almost cracked. "Everything's gone! Our phones! The credit cards!” He turned pale:“Oh my God, they're probably clearing our accounts right this moment. Now Pop is killing me too.” “The second time it won't hurt as much.” Loki grinned. Thor looked at him in disbelief: “What are you so relaxed about? Do you really not understand...?” He paused, blushing violently and raised, palms up, his hands to the ceiling helplessly. "Brother. I'm endowed with perfectly normal intellectual abilities. We have been robbed, have no way of contacting anyone soon, and are in a cabin in the woods more than ten miles from the nearest town. My head is buzzing and I have a little difficulty in displaying the necessary energy. So in the name of the gods let me take a quick shower and we'll think of something. Make some coffee all the while – everything for that is still there, I've checked.” Thor was amazed, wide-open eyes and mouth as his little brother pulled the door shut behind him as if nothing had happened, and shortly after he heard the shower running. He pulled himself together and made coffee.  
  
“Two things”, Loki had adopted a businesslike, cool tone, while his brother still seemed like a heap of misery, tearing at his hair, on the verge of collapse or at least tears, “we have to come to the town somehow and we will need about three to four dollars.” He took the collected coins from his pocket and counted them. "Hmm, $ 2,70." "Three to four ...  _ What? _ ", The huge, wide eyes, mouth wide open and both hands on his cheeks, Thor reminded his brother of the famous Munch painting, 'The Scream'. He suppressed a giggle - after all, he didn't want to mock his panicked brother. To the best of his knowledge, him of them showed a reaction appropriate to the situation, while, to be honest, in his pragmatics he could hardly be regarded as representative - after all, he never could. He explained: “In such a godforsaken area there still are - thank God - internet cafes. We just have to contact Jarvis.” Thor's features lit up. "That ... that's awesome!", he frowned, "but not a second later Pop finds out." "Better than mother.", the younger one's narrow shoulders were drawn towards his head. "Loki, mom won't tear your head off.", he grinned crookedly, "rather mine - and my head is not that valuable, there'll be a replacement to be found." Loki snorted: "We'll see. How do we get to town?” “It's only eight miles.” Loki pulled his face into a grimace. “Hiking - fantastic.”)  
  
Jane, who knew Loki and Will were going on hikes quite often, sometimes even for several days, shook her head in amusement. The whole story had turned out reasonably well. A compassionate local hitchhiked the lonely wanderers. They also asked him for a dollar for a payphone. In fact, they found an internet café in town and discovered that by the time Loki had Jarvis block their phones and credit cards, the little criminals had charged them with no more than some gasoline and a feast at McDonald's. Tony berated the two of them for using the slap on their wrists they got off with as a lesson and didn't tell Pepper about it. When she found out years later, she could even laugh about it. Jane pulled over to the right as far as she could, gathered her things, got out calmly and just left the family van. After all, she was off work and had all the time in the world to go to the city's fleet the next day. Or she asked Bucky to send one of his interns there, for a fee, of course. Sometimes she still forgot she was a millionaire's spouse. Ignoring the honks and grumbling of the other road users with a serene smile, she set off to face the remaining five blocks. She thought of MJ and set her pace to get there on the double.  
  
*  
  
_ "I-I... don't know what to say...", Peter visibly swallowed, "it's... crass." His family glanced everywhere, embarrassed. Nobody dared to met the young man's eye. His father sat down next to him pulling his slightly trembling body close to him. "It'll be all right, Spiderling ..." he whispered.  
_   
  
Before anyone could say anything else, Thor thundered into the waiting room, hurried to the group, pushing through between Steve and Will, crouched down and shouted: "Peter!" Loki noticed, slightly annoyed, that his brother wasn't out of breath at all. Thor grabbed Peter's shoulders excitedly, looking at him intently. The pallor, the big, frightened eyes, his heart contracted with sympathy. "Th-thor ...", his voice broke a little, "help me." None of the bystanders was surprised at Peter demanding for Thor in this situation. The one of them all who had bravely faced death, so bravely, and defied it. There were situations in life where many of them relied on this in their family unique experience ...  
  
(Thor was surprised by the text from his mother: "My dear, come and see me when you've got the time. We haven't really talked for so long. You can take a little break from your duties for your mother!" Of course Pepper asked him, Jane and the children over occasionally, even more often she announced a visit of herself. But that she obviously wanted to see him alone ... he could hardly remember when that had happened the last time. And actually every time she had wanted to talk with him about Loki. He frowned. What could be causing his mother to worry about Loki? He was fine, wasn't he? Her mother had a feeling for him and his emotional distresses. Well, he certainly did, too, but he also had so much on his mind at the time! Nevertheless, he 'shoveled' off an afternoon from work in the same week with his curiosity and suddenly worries about his younger brother paining him. Pepper Stark was waiting for him in the hall when Jarvis let him in. "Thor!", his mother beamed and, on tiptoe, she hugged her big boy tightly. He kissed her cheek and held her at arm's length. "Mom. Are you fine?” “What do you think? Don't I look like it?” He looked her up and down and agreed: she looked very good. He told her, too. “Come on, let's sit down. I asked Mrs. Yates to make your favorite waffles, the ones with honey and cinnamon.” “I love you, Mom!” Thor exclaimed in joy. Pepper laughed: "Well, I know the way to all of your hearts through your stomachs."

Over waffles and coffee, they chatted for a while about the children, his job at the nursery school, about Uncle Jim, who was just recovering from a minor surgery, and about Aunt Natasha ... She and Tony really had hoped after Bruce had passed a little over eight months ago they could someday persuade her to come back to New York to live with them - with her friends, whom she had been so close for a long time in her life. When Bruce died in June it was a relief, his last few months had been torture. Pain and derangement had stuck him badly and everyone close to him was in grief. Natasha was Thor's godmother and he shed a couple of quiet tears as they talked about her mourning. She had suffered at that time from how little she had been there for him when he was fighting cancer, with a husband who was himself stricken from illness and weakness, bed-stricken. It was one of the first things Thor Stark, with regained strength and no longer dependent on a walking-aid, did after his recovery: he went to Pittsburgh, alone, to talk thoroughly with his godmother. In return, Wanda replaced her mother with a long day at her father's sickbed. They talked about how he understood what a 'soul mate' was and how lucky he had been himself with an unrelenting network of support. And about the consolation it could be to know Uncle Bruce was no longer suffering. He knew what he was talking about – being on the edge of the task at times.  
  
It was Thor's gift to strike the right chord in such situations, to be able to give comfort and to spread a feeling of confidence. “When you finally marry your sweet astrophysicist, my dear, I might come to New York for a day or two, maybe.” “Well, Aunt Natasha, a 'maybe' is no reason for me to get married out of the blue. Jane and I have always drawn the value of our relationship from things other than marriage.” “You stupid big boy! Why do you see through me?” “Because I understand you. I wouldn't leave his bedside either.” “You stupid dear big boy.” Natasha Romanov said goodbye to her godson without a trace of guilty conscience and went back to her terminally ill husband ...  
  
Now Thor was sitting with his mother, devouring his favorite waffles, nervously waiting for her true reason to have asked him over. She was telling a funny story about Morgan messing with a security guy in the mall because he rudely addressed a wheelchair user to block an important entrance. After, he couldn't take it anymore. "Mom! Why do you want to talk to me alone? Something's happened? Haven't I noticed something important?” Pepper was a little shocked by the passionate outburst, but quickly recovered. “Thor ... darling! Do I have to have a reason to want to see you?” “Forgive me, Mom, but ... I know, of course, you are always happy to see me, Jane and the children, but ... You rarely ask me personally and privately to visit you. And every time you've had ... well, _scary_ reasons ... Is something wrong with Loki?" Pepper Stark looked at her son's handsome face with huge, wide eyes. "Oh, my god ... you think I only want to spend time with you if ..." she cut off. After all, she was quite intelligent and her self-reflection had also improved significantly over the years. Thor's concerns about the ulterior motive of this meeting could not be entirely dismissed. Although she fought against it with all her might, she burst into tears. Thor was startled: "Mom!" His mother reached out her hands to him to be pulled into his strong arms, to his broad chest.  
  
"I'm so sorry that you think all I could want from you is to talk about Loki." "But no, I haven't meant it that way..." He was interrupted: "I understand you have to think so! I ... we've never been very close since you've grown up. But believe me, my dear big boy, I love you. I've always loved you, no less than Loki or Steve ... or Peter. But he ... well, he never needed me much. It was always just Peter and his daddy. Of course that's fine! He looked after him when he was a baby and Peter was so independent and brave and self-reliant from an early age. Just like you, Thor. While Steve and especially Loki were always so ... very attached to me. I loved it, still love it today. They always needed me.” “Mom...", Thor petted his mother's back, "why do you think Peter and I wouldn't need you? You are our mother, we couldn't ask for a better one and don't forget: the happiness of the whole family comes from you. From pop and you. You've always made him happy and we couldn't have grown up and been raised better than by you, a couple who are honestly and deeply devoted to each other. You have been great role models and we all benefit so much from this experience and your picture. You've also said it yourself: I was very independent. I am sure, had it been different, you would have given me the same attention and dedication as to Loki. I am glad _he_ had you. And happy."  
  
Pepper looked her son in the face. "If I'd lost you ..." she whispered, shuddering at the thought and closing her eyes in agony. "Everything is fine, Mom. I'm healthy and the doctors are always extremely satisfied with my findings." "I feel this pain, this fear of loss over and over again, whether it is reasonable or not. When that happened to your father last winter ... ", she hung her head and Thor became all serious:. "Is Pop doing alright?", he asked with a bit of sharpness in his voice. She quickly nodded: “Yes! He's feeling _splendid_. He tolerates the drug well and Dr Drews is always extremely satisfied with his findings. I just can't forget it and... ", she took a shaky breath, swallowing bravely, "I don't know what I should have done without him, how to go on living...", she muttered in a low voice. Her son bowed his head in understanding. "Mom, I talked to Jane a lot when ... you know." The tears clinging to his mother's lashes hurt the man's soul - which man could see his own mother cry? He took her hands holding them tight.  
  
“Life is _always_ worth living. There are always people who want you around. You would always be missing to someone no less than you lack the lost person you lost. When bad things happen, when there is great loss, you can mourn, but not without hope, Mom. Never without hope. You reach out to those who feel the same, suffered the same loss and live on. Together. Together does always the best trick. I made Jane promise, if the inevitable happened, she would _live_. Not only for the children, but also for herself. To make an effort to laugh again, to feel, to live and even to love again. Life is so wonderful and precious - it doesn't deserve to be lived in sadness and hopelessness. And when you think of Pop, don't you think he's exactly the same opinion?" Because his mother hesitated to answer, he continued: "You say he's fine. There is no acute cause for concern. That's great. But you are scared. We've all felt so from time to time since then. But don't you think he'd rather not? And what would he say if all we had to do was mop up and no longer enjoy all the wonderful things surrounding us, which we have created in and with this family? We are his life's work. Not SI, not Jarvis - sorry buddy (Jarvis didn't interrupt the moment with an answer) - not this house or B.A.R.F. Us. The two of you and your love, us, your sons and our loved ones, the grandchildren. If one of you'll have to go, the other one must continue to look after and maintain your life's work. Isn't it like that? "  
  
Pepper Stark was hanging on his lips a little breathlessly, her own slightly open." Thor...", she had to clear her throat, "you are so smart, wise even." He laughed: "Hm, well. Jane always says my heart is smart. In moments like this I even understand what she means.” “She's got exactly the point. My big, dear, smart boy with your wise heart! I love you. So much." "I love you too, Mom. Very much so.")

_"Th-thor ...", Peter's voice broke a little, "help me."_  
  
"I know what you are in need of now." With that, Thor pulled his youngest brother to his feet without further ado, glanced over his shoulder at Loki and mouthed a silent question: "Where can I get some beer?" His brother who could recall the map of most areas in and around Manhattan in his head, frowned at first. Did he understand Thor correctly? _Beer?_ But something dawned on him. "Out front, follow 1st, down towards 23rd, there's a mini market." Thor had already started moving, with Peter in tow. He protested weakly, but Thor chirped cheerfully: “Don't argue, trust me. I know what I'm doing.” Well, Peter was convinced of that and was willingly 'led away'. What remained was a completely perplexed family. "Puck! What in the world does he want in a mini-market now?” Everyone looked at Loki. Will raised his eyebrows: “ _Puck?_ ” His husband sighed: “A nickname from the distant past.” “I like it. Goes well with you.” “ _Ahem!_ ", Steve cleared his throat loudly and audibly, "Tell us, _Puck!” “_ Very simple: Thor's giving Pete some beer.” “I beg your pardon?”, Pepper's voice cracked. "Mother, doesn't this remind you of something?" Astonished and somewhat empty his mother's glance rested on him. Soon a smile spread across her face. She remembered ... Firmly nodding to the group she stated: “Yes. Thor knows what he's doing. "  
  
"He hasn't told us how she's doing." Steve dispraised with a worried expression on his face. Will tried to reassure him: "It can't be that dramatic if he's letting himself being dragged to a mini-market a block and a half away, don't you think so?" Bucky snorted, "Well, I'd bet the whole situation won't not at all admit that she's not _terrible_. If I only imagine... _urgh_.” “That's how you picture it all!” his mother-in-law smirked at him, “your daughter feels like terminally ill with you around every time her belly's giving just a little twitch. You almost get on her nerves a bit, she says." Bucky looked slightly indignant. “The only reason for this is that this belly twitching goes hand in hand with an unprecedented carousel of mood. _Creepy._ ” “Of course, Bucky.", Loki said dryly, "how could you get on someone's nerves? If you think that's not a possibility, Steve spoiled you a lot." Bucky had to smile: "And with pleasure." He got serious again, "but really: poor Michelle..." At that moment Jane came to the emergency room. "Ask her!", He pointed to the newcomer, "I am sure she'll agree." "How is she?" Jane cried out, looking around and stopped, "Where's Thor?" “Getting some beer.", Tony grumbled, who had been explained about the reason for the beer quickly and quietly by his wife. "Wh -...?", A look into the mischievous face of her brother-in-law dropped the proverbial penny and she laughed out loud. "Well, hopefully it will have the desired effect!"  
  
Steve snorted: “Will someone illuminate me?” “Pepper, Tony, your job. But you missed something!", Will grinned. He also seemed privy to the secret beer thing and Steve looked a little offended while Bucky persuaded Jane to agree with him. _She_ had to know MJ was definitely feeling terrible! The sister-in-law patted his cheek good-naturedly: “Well, yes, pretty sure. That's just how it is. But she's a strong girl. She can handle it.” Loki said with a smile: “She knows what she's talking about, brother-in-law. I was there." Bucky looked at the petite astrophysicist: "It was 26 hours with Erik, wasn't it? You're a superhero.” “Isn't my dearest memory, as much as it might have faded at the crucial moment.” “I tell you. Utterly scary.” “Even if millions of women have said that before me: If men had to take over that, humanity would have died out.” “From my side, I can only say this is completely true.” “But sweetheart, you caught a grenade after all! And you were so brave.” Loki rolled his eyes: "But do you think, one day he'd get the idea to say 'oh, with a bit of distance it wasn't that bad, I could try again'?" Steve shook his head: "Loki ... What are you cynical today again.” “Well, he's right. You have to catch the next grenade, Stevie.” “ _Grenade?_ ” Will burst out curiously.  
  
“Hard to believe! The two of them haven't told you the hero story?” “We're more modest than you think. Sometimes.”, Steve grinned. William was briefly initiated into another of the innumerable family stories and was not only a little impressed. Loki smiled graciously. The story _was_ great and Bucky a hero, he had to admit…

  
At the same time, Peter Stark emptied a Budweiser light in small sips on a bench in the clinic garden pouring out his heart to his brother. “She tried too hard to prepare everything well. I should have been more careful and more strict. But you know her. Besides, she looked as strong and healthy as a young horse!” “Pete. MJ is a smart woman. I am sure she knew how much she could demand from herself. It was probably inevitable, even if she'd spent the last few days in bed. The human body has its own laws, especially those of a pregnant woman. I know what I'm talking about.” They grinned at each other. "The background noise is annoying.", Peter sighed. "I know. The fetal monitor is annoying. The heart rate monitor is annoying. But both are audible proof of everyone being fine, aren't they?” His lips pressed tightly together, his youngest brother nodded. “You are right.” Thor laughed: “After 'my' beer, our brother advised me to break down the machines. But, you know what? Back in there, the curve on the continuous paper has given me security. It was progressing - as slow as it was. It went on. It's going on with MJ, isn't it?” “Yeah ... but she's in such pain. The drug is ... violent.” “Inhuman forces are at work. I don't know how they can take it. Women are really tough.” Peter threw the empty beer can in the trash standing up boldly. "Back to the battle?" "That's my boy!"  
  
  
When the two returned, Peter went straight back to the delivery room. His bouncy gait and taut shoulders and high head told his family that everything would be fine. Peter would do it. Pestered with excited questions, Thor was surrounded in an instant. On their way to the mini market he was the only one who had found out the full story of that rushed trip to the emergency room....  
  
(Michelle 'MJ' Jones was shocked when she after the grand opening in November found out she was pregnant. They had always been careful about birth control and never seriously discussed having babies. Yes, they knew they wanted children, But their lives - their careers - had only just begun! On the other hand ... wasn't that a hint of fate? This tiny little life in her which, despite the greatest care, could not be prevented from entering this world - to them! When she told Peter - they were taking one of their seldom strolls on the harbor promenade - his face lit up with joy so much that all her concerns vanished into thin air! She too suddenly felt giddy with delight and they laughed and cried and danced and hopped around each other for some time like little children. After they had calmed down, the disenchantment came. Some planning had to be done. But not yet today: With time comes solution. Back in their apartment, they snuggled together on the couch dreaming enthusiastically of their life as a small family. For the next few days they quietly enjoyed their tiny, gigantic happiness in secret. But soon they had to face reality. Reconciling everyday life with a baby while having demanding jobs was a Herculean task. They took MJ's mom and Peter's parents out for a casual dinner and dropped the bomb. The future grandparents were of course overjoyed, but they all knew the logistical difficulties their children would face ... Tony was the first to find suitable words:  
  
“You are lucky to be your own boss. You, MJ, are the president of a college and you, Peter, the head of a company that for many years has been used to eccentric leadership. I don't see any obstacles for you to take turns taking your baby to work. Then all you need is a nanny in the background who takes care of the basic needs and quality time at every opportunity presenting itself, with mommy or daddy.” The couple looked at each other and agreed. They could do it! After the critical 12-week barrier, they set up a children's room in their guest room. Pepper ordered baby equipment - as usual in both versions, for a boy or a girl and also in college and on the executive floor of Stark Industries, cozy baby corners were integrated into the offices of the parents-to-be. Michelle was fine. She blossomed into even greater beauty and felt ready to take on everything. The 'surprise' at a doctor's appointment with ultrasound screening four months into they decided to keep to themselves, not wanting to be discouraged by too many concerns from their family. Without letting anyone in, they made the appropriate further arrangements. Then the waiting began - third trimester of pregnancy ...Fortunately, the due date was in the semester break: July 4th. Steve wished his nephew or niece was just on time like he had been and would see the light of day on the calculated date, his 43rd birthday.  
  
Michelle worked like a madwoman, wanting to do most of what would be due after the end of the term, to be finished with everything prior birth. Her doctor was extremely satisfied with her condition, so she thought nothing of the occasional leaden tiredness robbing her off all her drive and strength. She didn't tell Peter every time that happened. If she thought of millions and millions of women before her and even now, working on farms or in factories until going into labor, she would have been ashamed not to go about some cozy office work with the necessary conscientiousness. It happened as it had to: MJ received the first reprimand from Dr Ferguson when her lab sheet showed a blatant iron deficiency in the middle of seventh month and the doctor re-examined her a little about her daily routine. She exhibited her patient to long lunchtime rest, preferably in the fresh air. Michelle complied with the order with the same sense of duty with which she approached everything in life and soon felt better - unfortunately, one had to say, because she immediately resumed her workload when she felt better. It happened that same May 28th, still five weeks to the due date, when she reached for a file on the top shelf. She was standing on a stool, going dizzy suddenly, everything was about to go black. She tried to get off the stool in one piece, but fell and thudded onto the floor hard. Feeling hot water spreading between her legs, she was scared to death.  
  
Quickly lying flat on her back she brought her legs up onto the ominous stool. When she could see clearly again, she took out her phone and called the ambulance. The amniotic fluid loss was immense and she knew what that meant: her pregnancy had to be terminated now. If her contractions didn't start by themselves, labor would be induced - even a caesarean section was possible if they wanted to avoid the stress of the birth ... Shedding bitter tears throughout the drive to the clinic she called Peter shortly before arriving...)  
  
"He isn't only a little scared, I can tell you.", Thor shuddered, "when he told me, he trembled like a leaf, pale as a ghost, sparkling tears in his eyes." Everyone nodded sympathetically. Tony had to sit down, he acknowledged the sideways glance of his eldest son with an annoyed head movement. “Steve! I'm  _ not _ dying. Don't even bother about me. The defibrillator is also not far, in case of emergency.” The harsh tone astonished his loved ones in no small way. Steve looked hurt but still quite worried nonetheless. His father winced. "Sorry ... I ... you know." It was a lot. His own helplessness in the whole thing - that was something Tony Stark had never learned to take calmly. Looking at Thor he changed the subject: "And what happened next?" Pepper Stark with the knowledge of the emergency medication in her handbag within reach did him the favor not to make a fuss about his apparently not very best condition. One look at the faces of her sons was enough to as well let the subject rest. “When Peter was still on his way, MJ was of course immediately set up in the delivery room. The heartbeat and the oxygen sensor gave no reason to become drastic at the spot. But when half an hour later labor had still not started, they decided to give her a contraceptive, intravenous, into her leg artery.” Some of them felt a little sick at the thought …

"And how are both of them now?" Thor didn't answer in an instant, but when his mother turned pale and her eyes widened, he hurried to say: "Everyone is ... um, ...all three of them are fine - medically." Pepper laughed in relief. "In these times you always forget the poor father-to-be." "Naturally...", Tony grumbled good-naturedly. Loki's glance at his brother's face grew sharp. " _ Thor ...? _ " The silent exchange of eyes between them alarmed their parents. Will and Jane frowned too, well used to the 'spectacle'. "What ...?" Tony didn't dare to speak any further. Loki asked quietly: "Haven't Michelle and Pete told us everything?" Staring at him, speechless, everyone made Thor shrink a little and always having been a lousy liar, he slowly shook his head. "Sunny...!" - "Thor!" - "What does that mean?" Suddenly everyone was talking at once. The addressee cleared his throat raising his hand pleading for silence. In the following silence he simply said: "From a medical point of view, all  _ four _ are fine." The silence grew and lasted for several moments. "Oh God ...", the first low whisper came from Jane, "the babies must still be tiny!" Shocked, everyone looked at her. Thor called out quickly: “The doctor says there is no need to worry, everything is going well. They're still small, but not tiny, probably well over three pounds, maybe four, and yes ... they probably don't even need ventilation. Didn't we all think MJ has a giant in that giant ball of belly? What were we all actually stupid. "  
  
“Whoever gets the idea, they don't tell you something like that ...  _ Twins!  _ Who keeps something like that to themselves?” Steve wondered. Thor looked at him uncomfortably. “They wanted to surprise us all and ... well, not to worry anyone. MJ worked hard despite being expecting and ... “, his voice died under the stern gaze of his father. "Those stupid, stupid children!" He suddenly burst out. Pepper put a hand on his shoulder. He reached for it to give it a squeeze. When he out of the blue burst out laughing, everyone was shocked. “For this he deserves lifelong dessert withdrawal. What a nogoodnik!” He was still laughing, but his family was relieved to find it was a cheerful laugh, not a hysterical one. "Well wait, he'll hear something." At last his loved ones dared to laugh along a little. "And what do you say, how much longer will it be?" Jane asked. "Definitely until after midnight." They all looked at the big clock on the wall. It was a quarter to eleven. "You've run out half a lung for nothing, darling," Will laughed. “Be quiet and think about your privileges.” Tony's eyes widened: “I'm not going to have just one, no, _ two _ grandchildren for my birthday. After, you all have to work really hard with your gifts. Peter takes the cake!” Peter's brothers smiled knowingly at each other. All of them were the exact same opinion: Our little one takes the cake. Devil of a fellow!  
  
In order to bridge the nasty waiting time, the family members told each other story after story, laughing a lot, crying a little - the Starks all had been living an eventful life to be looked back on and it was far from over ... For one of them, a new phase of life was about to start, a new adventure and everyone was happy to be part of it. As long as it was given... The new father staggered in the waiting room, the early morning of May 29, 2045, tired, exhausted but overjoyed. "People! There are two new Starks: a boy, three and a half pounds and a girl, nearly four. The babies and MJ are doing fine. We did it.” Tony got up on shaky legs, hurried to meet his boy, everyone let him go first ... Peter fell around his neck, snuggled into the comforting embrace of his father. "D-dad. C-congratulations on your birthday.” He had to cry. Tony was holding onto him even tighter - close to his heart. "I'm so proud of you. My son, my heir, my  _ spiderling. _ ” Father and son just held on for a long time crying silent tears of happiness ... Little by little the whole family came closer and in the end they formed a tight circle of great affection and closeness. They were the best ... **The Family has come full circle.**   
  


**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Very) short epilogue's about to come. That will be all...


	157. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

  
  
  
He can look back on a long line of memorable birthdays. Every year they are also an occasion for the whole family to get together - in his parents' house, the house in which he's grown up.

On a comfortable deck chair, the cute, sleeping boy - his godchild! - in his arms, he looks around with satisfaction. Not far from him there's an enchanting picture: Bucky, turned 44 in March, his husband for over 13 years, smiling tenderly at the little bundle in his arms. The corners of Steve's mouth rise automatically. How tiny Val's looking! Though she has grown well in the past few weeks, as has her brother Harley. Glancing briefly at the baby in his lap, he looks at Bucky after again and sighs. It's a contented sigh ...  
  
Bucky senses he's being watched and turns his head to him. The same happiness obviously warming his own heart showing in his sparkling gray-blue eyes, he whispered:. "Morgan was never that tiny." Steve chuckled, winking at him: “And yet she seemed tiny to us.” “Yes! I've ever thought her so fragile! How afraid I was to stuff her little arms into sleeves.” “You were learning fast.” Bucky smiles crookedly. "I haven't done it too badly, have I?" Steve tilted his head, pointing his chin at the baby. "So good you've been the first choice for a little girl's godfather." Bucky shrugs. “No one in the family can plait braids as well as me.” “Too true.” “Stevie?” “Hmm?” “We haven't done it badly. Known each other, having gone down the same road for 33 years ...” “Exact date's in twelve days.” “Who would have thought?” “Something out there has meant damn well with us. "  
  
Bucky's gaze is wandering over the crowd. He's watching Tony and Pepper Stark chatting animatedly with their old friends, James 'Rhodey' Rhodes and Natasha Romanov. His father-in-law has put his arm around his wife with her head resting on his shoulder. Bucky smiles, glancing at the man he loves: "Go on to do it not too badly for another 33 years, what do you think?" Steve's smiling back, the laugh lines around his sparkling eyes deepening, his expression's gone all soft. "Or longer. I'm aiming for longer …" His husband nods, stating firmly: "Longer ... Yes, longer is good."

************************************************

  
  
Link to the pic album:  
<https://www.photo-pick.com/online/g4EW8JRs.link>  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This is the end. It has been a lot of fun and now I'm half relieved it's done while I'm in tears about having to let go... 
> 
> Thank you to all the lovely people who left kudos or one, two or several comments. I've been happy about each and everyone who's reached out to me. It has been very much appreciated every time.
> 
> Thank you too to all the people who with a constant count of hits gave me the feeling, this story is of interest for some.
> 
> If you are still here, I'd like to know! A final (even ever-so-small comment) would be awesome! 
> 
> There are a handful of deleted scenes – sort of. If anyone's interested, let me know!


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